#this is a dumb shitpost please don’t take me too seriously here | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

drunklander · 5 years ago

Text

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 508

I mean, shame on me for allowing myself to get my hopes up that the show might have turned a corner last week. I should know better by now.

At least Young Ian’s back. And Marsali had a nice moment. And that’s about all I have to say about this episode that’s positive. I swear to fuck, this show hates Claire as much as the author of the books does. Where the fuck is the lead protagonist, show? Can she come back? Can she get a story line of her own that’s more than just a random scene every few episodes, please? And can Bree please be given something to fucking do that doesn’t involve Roger, Jemmy or rape? Does Fergus still even live on the Ridge?

But yeah, I guess let’s just all watch the episode twice so our dumb lady!brains can understand that Matt’s stupid silent movie gimmick was actually ~ArT~ and not, you know, a stupidly bad creative choice. Seriously, fuck that guy.

I can’t tell you how much idgaf about watching Roger teach. Also, Bree’s like his students’ age since she was in college too. So really all this bit is doing is to make me skeeved out about their age difference.

“Can you tell me why anyone would go to the trouble of burying one?” he said, condescendingly, like the doucherocket he is. Do not disrespect Young Ian like that, asshat.

“People live and die by their words.” *gestures to the beautiful shitposts on this hellsite* sure jan dot gif.

I already want to fastforward.

Would 100% rather sit through a lecture on suspension bridges than watch silent movies, tbh.

Hate the title card. Hate this whole gimmick.

Hate.

HAAAAATE.

Roger got hanged. Roger was dumb, Buck was an abusive and toxic fuckwad. But still, Roger got hanged and this is how we find out he’s alive and how he was saved?

It should be this big emotional moment. It should make me feel a thing in spite of myself. But nope! Gotta do this fucking silent movie thing. Which is hilariously terrible. And I laughed at it the whole time. In a mean and judgey fashion. What a craptastic creative choice. Whoever’s idea that was is a fucking idiot. *stares at a certain pompous af showrunner*

Ok but for real though, does LJG just like live in North Carolina now? Why is he always around, besides, you know, so we don’t forget he’s a character who exists.

For real though, he lives in Virginia and gets more screen time than fucking Fergus and Marsali who live fucking next door.

At least writing this recap is gonnna be quick and easy since they waste so much time re-showing the stupid silent movie footage.

Yes, I know, they’re trying to show Roger’s PTSD. Which involves flashbacks. And gradually turn it to color once he’s like come to terms with what happened and starts to move forward. But the execution is so bad that the whole arc is wasted because it’s just so poorly done.

Oh hey! A Claire and Bree scene! I love those. Except oh wait, it aggressively fails the Bechdel Test.

I JUST WANT THE FUCKING WOMEN ON THIS SHOW TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO THAT’S COMPLETELY FUCKING SEPARATE FROM THE MEN. ARGH.

Jocasta singing at Murtz’s cairn is a reminder that everyone should check out MDK’s music.

And her wearing the necklace Murtz gave her makes the existence of show!Duncan even dumber. Like oh hey, new husband, don’t mind me, just mourning my dead boyfriend and wearing his jewelry. But it’s totally normal since my niece-in-law still wears her abusive ex-husband’s ring.

Sorry, show!Duncan, but a more pointless character was never included. Show!Duncan wins the prize for most BeCaUsE tHe BoOk dumbassery.

Repeatedly showing what’s basically a snuff film is...a choice.

LJG has no sense of personal space when it comes to the Frasers. And it’s fucking creepy.

Oh look, another scene where all Claire gets to do is comfort someone about a man.

*BANGS FIST ON TABLE* GIVE CLAIRE BEAUCHAMP THE STORY LINES SHE DESERVES.

Jemmy aged like 3 years in the 3 month time jump.

Ok, I totally get why Roger hadn’t spoken yet. But once he did, the seal was broken. Not talking after he yelled to stop Jemmy, even a little bit, is just a dick move. Not that he’d be magically better. But he like refuses to even take baby steps.

CAN WE PLEASE GET THROUGH AN EPISODE WITHOUT A MUSICAL INTERLUDE. I FUCKING HATE THE CLEMENTINE SONG.

GRANNIE CLAIRE AND GRANDA JAMIE ARE MY FAVE.

OMFG AN ARROW. THAT CLEARLY MEANS...YOUNG IANNNNN!!!!!

So glad he’s back. So fucking glad. Yes, it means one more character to dilute how much time we can spend with any given person, but it’s a character that I like so hopefully he takes away from some of the time given to ones I don’t like?

Aaand Roger can’t even bring himself to try to talk to the guy who gave himself up in his place. Fuck Roger.

Claire does a better job at first than Jamie at picking up the vibes Young Ian is putting off, but like, for two people who are supposed to be emotionally intelligence, neither of them do a good job at first of really *seeing* Ian.

John Bell is really good in this episode.

Omfg Marsali has tarot cards. She’s like leaning full on into being the white witch’s apprentice and I fucking love her so much.

Also, the Hanged Man card is representative of self-sacrifice and martyrdom rather than like being actually hanged as a punishment. But whatevs.

Ok I think the reason Jenny yelling at Jamie to snap out of it in S3 bugged me where this scene with Bree yelling at Roger doesn’t is because sibling dynamic is completely different than spouses where both of them have gone through something unimaginable.

That he can’t even say anything here. Or give her any kind of sign that he’s still in there is a dick move. He *can* speak. He knows that now. So does everyone else. He’s actively choosing not to. Even to say that he just needs more time to work through his shit. No one’s asking him to be a chatterbox and totally back to normal.

Young Ian just sitting there while everyone else does grace is literally me at every family holiday.

Oh look, a wild Fergus appeared!

Ok, I never got the surveying thing. Wouldn’t the land already be registered? Since they were given the paperwork and shit for it from the governor? I know there was some bit about it in the book about keeping it after the Revolution but like, who the fuck else are they registering it with that would make a difference? The gov’t is still the English gov’t?

“But there are things you keep hidden from others. You and Claire both.” Ok, can he please be talking about time travel? I mean, I know he’s talking about his wife and their miscarriages, but I just want someone else to know about time travel already please and thank you.

HOW THE FUCK IS MARSALI STILL PREGNANT?! SHE’S BEEN PREGNANT FOR LIKE A FUCKTON OF TIME.

Fuck yeah not-Catholic-anymore-Ian. No grace, talking about the creator in a way that isn’t explicitly the christian god. Good job, kid.

My parents called me to say happy easter and I had to be like, uh, you remember that I don’t celebrate that, right?

Happy Zombie!Jeebus Appreciation Day to all the still christian people. And happy chance to have fun with burner zoom accounts named Elijiah to the jewish folks.

Jokes aside, the scene with Young Ian and Marsali was really nice and Marsali remains a fucking saint. It’s nice that Young Ian has someone who like actually gets what it’s like to find a home in a group of strangers.

Oh Claire, think more highly of your assistant. Also, what a clunky fucking way to be like oh hey, one of the emo!bros is gonna try to off themselves.

Ok but with the paper airplane now too, can we please show Young Ian finding out about time travel? Please?

Ok, but Claire automatically jumping to Roger wanting to off himself with her herbs... It’s making me judge both of them a little that neither picked up on just how clearly Young Ian was suffering. Like come the fuck on, y’all. It wasn’t subtle.

Also, can we please have more Adso?

SOMEONE GIVE YOUNG IAN A HUG! NO, NOT YOU, ROGER! SOMEONE GOOD!

Yada yada yes they both have been through something shitty and call me a biased asshole, but I can’t bring myself to feel anything about Roger and I feel all the things about Young Ian.

So Roger won’t talk when his wife begs, but he’ll talk when someone calls him on his bullshit. Cool. Cool cool cool. Nice dude.

NO ONE WAS ASKING FOR THE OLD ROGER, YOU TWATWAFFLE. THEY WERE ASKING FOR *A* ROGER. INSTEAD OF A ZOMBIE.

Again, there’s more to that tarot card than a literal hanged man, but whatever, show.

Oh thank fuck the episode is finally over. Expectations are back down in the gutter for the rest of the season. Please pleasantly surprise me, show, but I will not make the mistake again of thinking you’re actually gonna be consistently good again.

#*#outlander starz #outlander 5x08 #drunj!der yells about outlander

64 notes · View notes

sobstoriesandshitposts · 5 years ago

Text

2019 has already ended but here’s a list (+ my unasked for opinions) of all the books I’ve read in 2019 in chronological order, Part 2.

((Disclaimer: this is a shitpost for myself and highly overrun by my emotions — I shall not be held accountable if my opinion is taken seriously. And I know it’s 2020 already, but procrastination is prevalent.))

By the way, here’s part 1, if you’d like.

8. The Dragon Republic

Rin was an absolute mess the entire book and god knows how frustrated I got with the dumb decisions™ she made every step of the way. But the poor girl was going through some shit and she picked it all up at the end, so I’m ready for the third installment, and to finally, see the end of the poppy war. Also, THE THIRD BOOK HAS BEEN NAMED “THE BURNING GOD” and I stan. But generally, book 2 wasn’t very memorable to me, and I don’t remember it very well anymore so it was eh.

Characters: 3/5

Plot: 3.5/5

General feel things factor: 3.5/5

9. An Ember in the Ashes

God, I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED BY THIS BOOK. I almost hate it. I might actually. It’s definitely the book I dislike most of 2019. Ok listen, I’m pretty sure I dislike it because I hadn’t been in the right mindset to read it, and it just ended up not being the kind of book I was looking for in terms of plot and mood. Maybe it was intentional, but everything ended up being really dreary and boring and so underwhelming to me. I didn’t feel anything for the story nor for the characters (whose names I no longer remember). I mostly wanted to follow the first girl’s story rather than the other two characters (even though honestly, I didn’t care for what was happening to her either) so I ended up skimming half of the book and then forcing myself to finish the rest of it. Why didn’t I just DNF it? I don’t know too. I was probably going through some kinda mood.

Characters: 1/5

Plot: 1.5/5

General feel things factor: 1/5

10. To Kill a Kingdom

NOW. I’ve seen some reviews on this, and boy, were they mixed — but let’s ignore them, because here is my significant opinion: it was cute. I think tkak is just a simple, short fantasy-romance that got out a cute couple and was done with it. I loved Lira’s character, idk there was just something about her dryness (hah, even though she’s a siren-) that I really enjoyed. Although I have to say, the main guy character had been rather bland, and I don’t remember his name anymore. But anyway, I liked the first-meeting-girl-slaps-boy-scene. I liked the pirates. I liked the romance. I liked the straight-forwardness. I liked the happy ending. (And after AEITA, this was exactly what I needed.) So 10 points to Alexandra Christo.

Characters: 3.5/5

Plot: 3.5/5

General feel things factor: 3.5/5

11. An Enchantment of Ravens

SO. DAMN. ADORABLE. Some people hate enchantment, some people don’t. I personally absolutely loved it. I found Isobel and Rook so cute together, and everything was just really soft and fluffy. Like tkak, it’s just a short and sweet romance, but it leans more towards the fairytale vibes — and I was vibing. I found both the main characters so whimsical and dramatic and ridiculous and they were just so ENJOYABLE to read about. The plot was simple and to the point and it didn’t meander when it didn’t have to — so I don’t care what anyone has to say, an enchantment of ravens is probably one of my favorite reads in 2019 and I adore it. (And the line “Now stop making me feel things.” is just iconic to me. I mean, please, Rook.)

Characters: 4.5/5

Plot: 4/5

General feel things factor: 4.5/5

12. Graceling

Alright, so this is the book I ended on before I stopped reading, aka stopped ignoring the reality of my exams, to start studying for my exams. I found Po and Katsa cute together and I enjoyed their dynamics, but they got a little boring towards the end. I think their relationship got too mature and serious for me (or maybe exams looming over my head just made me really depressed) so they lost the childish charm about them that had drawn me in in the first place. But that doesn’t change the fact that Katsa is an absolute badass, that the entire scene in the courtyard where they fought is iconic, and that the truth behind Po’s sight at the end made me cry. Wasn’t my favourite, but graceling was enjoyable, which was exactly what I needed to feel satisfied to end on, and not too drawn into a world that I needed another one to replace it after it ended. Thank you Graceling, for saving whatever had been left of my grades.

Characters: 2.5/5

Plot: 3/5

General feel things factor: 3/5

13. The Cruel Prince (& The Wicked King & The Queen Of Nothing)

This is definitely my favourite book (and series) of 2019 and I was ruined by it. I actually had to reread the cruel prince, because the first time I did, I didn’t enjoy it and that didn’t sit right with me — I mean, come on, Holly Black is my queen and there’s no way I’d dislike a 4.2 star book of hers. And boy, was that one of the best decisions I’ve made in 2019. I was so immersed in Jude’s world and everything she was about to face; I rooted for her the whole way. I loved her character so, so much (for once, we get an mc that is actually smart). I loved Cardan so, so much. Honestly, I truly liked all of the characters. And Jurdan? I live for that sh*t. I was completely floored by this trilogy and I. Still. Want. More. (+ The quotes from this series??? Just freaking iconic.)

Characters: 5/5

Plot: 5/5

General feel things factor: 5/5

14. Sorcery of Thorns

Ah, yes, another one of the books I was disappointed by. After An Enchantment of Ravens, I had been so excited to read the second work of Margaret Rogerson, but it wasn’t what I thought it’d be. I really enjoyed it at first, but around the half way point I started to get bored and almost DNFed it. And yes, I am aware that Sorcery is meant to be an epic fantasy and is different from Enchantment, but I just thought that the characters would still have that whimsical, ridiculous flair that had been done so well in Enchantment — but the character building here kind of just fell flat for me. Although there were moments I did enjoy reading about Elisabeth and Nathaniel, I just didn’t really see the chemistry between them and I couldn’t appreciate their interactions and banter much. I felt like Silas was just a cookie-cutter “cold on the outside but warm on the inside” character as well. Okay, I’m being extra harsh on this book because of my crushing disappointment from great expectations, but actually, Sorcery had been a pretty good read that started off well. Although the middle got a little dry, i think it picked itself up again at the end and I felt compelled to finish it. Plus, Silas’ moment made me tear up even when I hadn’t expected myself to, so, that’s always a bonus.

Characters: 3/5

Plot: 3/5

General feel things factor: 3/5

15. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue

So whimsical. So funny. So light-hearted — yet it had the surprise punch-you-in-the-gut feels. I spent a good deal of time laughing over Henry’s antics (when he ran naked around Versailles???? Oh my god, what are you doing, Henry?) and his efforts at trying to be a decent human-being. It was honestly, a very heart-felt and romantic story, which really has me torn up because how does Mackenzi Lee weave in so many heavy, important themes like abuse, trauma, racial and sexual discrimination and mental illness, and still make it such a light-hearted story — that was done well? (And lets not forget how she’s also managed to include some serious Fullmetal Alchemist vibes in there complete with murders and violins and pirates. Geez.) She’s a genius that’s how. The number of times I’ve almost cried, but was saved by Henry’s comments is just- ugh. If there’s any book I’d recommend just for being a damn good book, it’d be this one because, wow, was it good.

Characters: 4.5/5

Plot: 4/5

General feel things factor: 4.5/5

16. Carry On

We have now reached my final book of 2019: it was an absolute delight and one of my favourites. I just loved the characters, like they were so enjoyable to read about. I mean, I felt like Simon had a stick up his ass for a good portion of the beginning, but he softened up later on and my god, Baz. I loved his character so much. And the pining? HELL YES. And then, of course, his refusal to admit that he was pining to anyone else but himself. Simon and Baz were just extremely shippable, and I was ready to gobble up whatever I could of their romance. So fluffy, so ridiculous. Rainbow Rowell also made good use of the switching POVs. I normally dislike it when author’s switch the perspectives because it tells a side of the story that I really don’t care for (ahem, an ember in the ashes...) but Rowell did it so damn well. Even Agatha’s pov was enjoyable. She provided a different perspective on things compared to the other characters and I actually really liked her “I don’t want to have anything to do with this bullshit” take on things. It was fresh, and funny, even if she was being an ass half the time. So, Carry On? It’s a yes from me.

Characters: 4/5

Plot: 3/5

General feel things factor: 4/5

And finally, my 3 DNFs, in which I will rant about them just a little:

1) Wicked Fox

Didn’t like the writing style. Normally I don’t notice writing styles much because I’m just not that good with the technicalities, but Wicked Fox’s bothered me and I just couldn’t enjoy it. Also, I wasn’t in the mood to be patient, so I just decided to drop it.

2) Serpent & Dove

I actually really liked the beginning, but I think I wasn’t in the right headspace and I started to get bored by it, so I stopped reading. I’ll probably pick it up again in the future when I’m in the mood for it though :)

3) Throne or Glass

My god. I picked this up purely as tribute for Feysand — which, I guiltily admit, I really enjoyed — but- I- I couldn’t get past the first five chapters of tog. Putting aside the writing style (Why! Are! There! So! Many! Exclamation! Marks!), I didn’t feel anything for any of the characters, and any of the scenes. I don’t know what it is, but everything just felt so disconnected from me, and I had an inkling that I wasn’t going to care about what happened to the mc, or what happened with her and the other two (who I presume are) love interests because even on first impression, and a little past that, both seemed so bland to me. Sigh.

That’s it for the list; if you’re still here, good on you.

#the dragon republic #an ember in the ashes #to kill a kingdom #an enchantment of ravens #graceling #the cruel prince #the folk of the air #sorcery of thorns #the gentleman’s guide to vice and virtue #carry on

29 notes · View notes

thesinglesjukebox · 5 years ago

Video

youtube

100 GECS FT. CHARLI XCX, RICO NASTY & KERO KERO BONITO - RINGTONE (REMIX)

[6.00]

At last, something we can all agree on...

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Chaotic Evil ft. Chaotic Good, Lawful Evil & Lawful Good. [8]

Brad Shoup: Please know that, due to my age and disorder in which everything sounds like pop-punk, I'm treating my delight in 100 gecs with extreme suspicion. The worried bruise of the original "Ringtone"'s bridge finds its double in Rico Nasty's gleefully conflicted verse. Sarah Bonito tries to sneak in a horror short, Charli chirps like a phone that's never going to voicemail. I feel like I'm listening to The Geometrid. I keep waiting for T-Pain, the human ringtone, to show up. [8]

Oliver Maier: I am slightly self-conscious about how much I like this, given that it is such blatant fan service for a) 20-somethings who frequent the main trifecta of [x]heads music subreddits b) Twitter stans who rabidly demand "COLLAB"s from their faves c) Anthony Fantano (only one of these applies to me). If the existence of this remix somehow precedes an uptick in collaborations between Extremely Online™ musicians then I can only hope that they all be so well-executed. The "Ringtone" remix is both wilder than the original and shockingly coherent, I think because all three performers tap into the most elemental versions of themselves. Charli's verse and perfect delivery of an already-great hook would be at home on the cartoonish Number 1 Angel, less so on her moodier self-titled. Sarah from KKB revisits the uncanny children's-show-presenter flow that characterised the group's breakout project and then subsequently vanished. Rico is just as berserk as one would hope. 100 gecs is objectively a very silly project, but the care with which this remix -- a clusterfuck on paper -- is structured into something both logical and extremely listenable only demonstrates how seriously Brady and Les take their tomfoolery. The gecs are among the best to emerge from the post-PC Music boom because they so firmly reject the parameters of good taste and make redundant the tiresome question of whether their intentions are cynical or sincere. You don't make pop music this brilliant and unselfconscious without pouring your heart into it. [9]

Katherine St Asaph: The other day I read a thinkpiece about, among dozens of other things, how Billie Eilish was corporate bullshit and 100 gecs were wholesome DIY outsiders, despite the gecs at that point having already signed to Mad Decent, producing tracks by the likes of Slayyyter and LIZ, and playing ukelele for an America's Got Talent winner. There is so much Discourse like this, and it all makes me so, so exhausted. What about one collection of sound waves (or Bacon-Sheeran number, or accumulated total of bar hangs with hypebeasts) makes it morally bankrupt, while a near-identical collection of sound waves remains morally acceptable? The rapping sounds like Lady Gaga's "Christmas Tree." [2]

Leah Isobel: Making actual pop music demands legibility and the sacrifice of gecs' usual chaos, but this remix manages to keep their interplay of melodic sweetness and noisy menace intact -- see Laura's charmingly polite request for Charli to sing the chorus again before the song nosedives into the "Click" outro. It's like Owl City corrupted with a virus, and it slaps. [9]

Vikram Joseph: I have some questions for the girl asking Charli to sing the chorus again, because we did *not* need that chorus again. "Ringtone" was a pleasant bit of nonsense at 2:20, but padding it out to almost four minutes with guest vocalists (of whom only Rico Nasty sounds vaguely engaged) is a good way to siphon away whatever charm it had to begin with. Sometimes... things that are expensive... are worse. [4]

Jibril Yassin: The rare example of a posse track that succeeds without removing what made the original so great. Let's put 100 gecs in charge of pop posse tracks from now till infinity. [8]

Alfred Soto: Despite the riot of credits, "Ringtone" is closer to a poor 2010 Ke$ha album track. Ringtones? A decade later? The beat sounds like the creators stole it from a Bush-era Nokia. [4]

Alex Clifton: Our featured players here are the highlight of the song, bringing liveliness to a beat that would otherwise be too glitchy for me. And yet after a while it has the same effect that a phone ringing for two minutes does: slightly annoying, loud enough that you can't ignore it, but too muffled in your bag to find where it could be. Please note my score is expressed in gecs instead of points. [5]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: It's too long and labored over, lacking the giddy charm of the original because the voices are too straightforward. It's fun seeing all these artists on the same track, but all this does is prove that 100 gecs is even more singular than we may have initially thought. [3]

Tim de Reuse: 100 gecs don't work nearly as well for me on such low energy, and their usual reckless abandon appears to have been reined in here so as to elevate the presence of their high-profile features. That, along with the nearly four-minute runtime (about twice as long as a 100 gecs track ought to be, by my measure) gives this the character of a listen-once joke. To be clear, it's a delightful joke. [6]

Ian Mathers: Absolutely better than the original (and "Money Machine" for that matter), mostly because it no longer sounds like Big Dumb Face trying to adapt to modern trends. But it does make me wonder if this is what the people who didn't like Charli's work with PC Music felt like they were hearing. [5]

Jonathan Bradley: 100 gecs let the lil homies ride on us; it's like showing up to gecsCon -- surely a real thing that could exist -- with a grocery bag full of Monster, weed and money, and discovering in astonishment that other people like this band too. (One infamous afternoon, I played 1000 gecs for my office; they were distraught, but I since found out I converted at least one co-worker.) So everyone in this PC Music Khaled lineup tries hard to do their best gecs, with Charli leaning into the lovestruck cutesiness, Sarah Bonito trying to channel the uneasy relationship with technology, and Rico summoning the unearned confidence. But although the elements that original gecs Dylan and Laura stick together sound familiar, their sound is a singular one: A.G. Cook and co. are too deliberate; Black Dresses too consumed by the horror and anxiety around them; Ayesha Erotica too singleminded; Brokencyde too scene. The best part in the remix is when Laura Les asks Charli to sing the chorus again, doing more gecs in one line than anyone else could in three verses. It turns out there's something particular to this mish-mash of pop enthusiasm, hypermodern tension, and shitposting that is not easily replicable. "You just copy everything we do," Laura once chirped, prophetically. "If I wasn't me, I'd copy me too." There's only one gec, even when there's 100 of them. [7]

Kylo Nocom: You know, all that matters is that they had fun. [6]

#100 gecs #Charli XCX #Rico Nasty #Kero Kero Bonito #remix #pop #music #music review

1 note · View note

drowning-in-dennor · 5 years ago

Text

To Know

Henrik and Stellan answer questions about each other. (Warning: Crass jokes, sappiness, many, many innuendos.) All the questions were taken from here.

[Stellan picks up the sheet of paper, glaring at it as though personally offended. Henrik, laughing, swipes it out of his hand and adjusts the camera.]

Henrik: Hey, everyone! Today we’re doing some sort of challenge. I honestly don’t know what this is, but... yeah! Let’s do this!

[Staring nervously at the camera, Stellan reaches over to take Henrik’s hand.]

Stellan: Yeah, let’s get this over with.

Question One: Describe them when you first met.

Henrik: Cute!

Stellan: Annoying.

[Henrik pouts and stares at Stellan.]

Stellan: You walked up to me while I was reading and went, “yo, is that H.C. Andersen?”, then proceeded to grab the book out of my hands. Asshole.

Question Two: How tall are they?

Stellan: A hundred and eighty-three centimetres.

Henrik: One seventy-nine.

Question Three: What’s their ancestry background?

Stellan: Yeah, this one’s obvious.

Henrik: Easy.

Stellan: Danish-Swedish, born on Gotland.

Henrik: And Stell’s Norwegian-Icelandic, grew up on Svalbard.

Question Four: When’s their birthday?

Henrik: May seventeenth.

Stellan: June fifth.

[They look at each other. Henrik cracks a grin.]

Henrik: Don’t ask about the year. We don’t remember.

Question Five: What’s the first thing they’d buy if they won the lottery?

Stellan: Enough cloth and thread to clothe an army, along with probably all the embroidery supplies the world has to offer.

Henrik: A butter factory.

[Stellan groans, smacking his forehead.]

Stellan: No.

Henrik: Hold up, what?

Stellan: I’d probably use it to buy some land and grow stuff. Or I’d buy those big oil companies and order them to switch to natural resources.

Henrik: That’s my Stell, always caring about the environment.

[Henrik leans over to kiss Stellan on the cheek.]

Question Six: What’s their favourite band?

Henrik: Stellan’s not a band person.

[Stellan rolls his eyes.]

Stellan: Our band. And yes, we have a band.

Henrik: You bet your ass we have a band! It’s the best one in Europe, if you ask me.

Stellan: Please don’t remind me.

Question Seven: What’s their favourite meal?

[Henrik grins suggestively.]

Stellan: I know what you’re going to say, don’t say it.

Henrik: My a-

Stellan: Don’t you dare.

Henrik: My apple tarts. Seriously, he asks me to make them all the time.

[Stellan hides his face in his hands and mumbles something.]

Henrik: We can’t hear you, babe!

Stellan: Sosekjøtt. This fucker next to me really likes it when I make sosekjøtt.

[Pincing Stellan’s cheeks, Henrik laughs as his hands are swatted away.]

Question Eight: What’s their favourite physical feature about you?

[Stellan turns red.]

[Henrik laughs, nuzzling Stellan and dodging a poke to his nose.]

Henrik: Aww, no need to be shy about it! You know you like my hands, especially when they’re-

[Stellan gestures at the camera.]

Stellan: Apparently Henrik likes my smile, so I’d say my... mouth?

Henrik: Yeah, they look great when you’re-

[Henrik yelps as Stellan kicks him from under the table.]

Question Nine: What’s their favourite personality trait about you?

Stellan: That’s a lot to choose from, but I think he likes that I’m calm and collected.

Henrik: You’re right! And, uh, I know you like that I’m funny, don’t you?

[Reluctantly, Stellan smiles at Henrik and nods.]

Question Ten: What type of clothing looks best on them?

Henrik: Stellan really, really likes it when I wear suits, even when he steps on my feet and messes up my nice shoes.

Stellan: One look at Henrik’s camera roll will tell you that he goes batshit when he sees me wearing his jackets or scarves.

[Henrik scrolls through his phone, showing the screen to the camera. An album, titled ‘Stell wearing my stuff’, is shown.]

[Stellan grabs Henrik’s phone.]

Stellan: You have an entire six-hundred-and-eighty-eight-photo album of me? Why am I asleep in so many of these?

Henrik: I couldn’t resist, you look so cute!

Stellan: Why do I have on nothing but - delete those!

Question Eleven: What word describes them best first thing in the morning?

Stellan: Bleary. Once, he thought I was having a nightmare, yelled in Danish and ‘reassuringly’ grabbed my face, the dumb shit.

Henrik: Dopey.

Stellan: Excuse me?

Henrik: You’re like a confused kitten!

[Stellan kicks him under the table again.]

Question Twelve: What would they say is their worst physical feature?

Henrik: Stell complains about his left middle finger a lot. It’s crooked from holding a pen all the time, but it just makes it even more dramatic when he flips people off.

Stellan: He doesn’t like how pointy his nose is, which I never get.

Question Thirteen: What’s their best talent?

Stellan: Embroidery.

Henrik: Writing.

Stellan: Henrik’s tapestries are amazing. He works so hard on them and they’re all masterpieces, and-

[He suddenly remembers that he’s being filmed, and looks down, flustered.]

Question Fourteen: What are they terrible at?

Henrik: Huh, that’s a hard question.

Stellan: Oh, I’ve got many answers.

Henrik: Hey!

Stellan: Saying the right things at the right times.

Henrik: Keeping his desk clean.

Stellan: Once, Tino was venting to me about how he lost his favourite book, and Henrik just burst in and was like, “’tis I, the guy who wants to die.”

[Henrik slams his head down on the table.]

Henrik: Yeah... let’s not talk about that.

Question Fifteen: What’s their perfect pizza?

Stellan: We don’t eat pizza.

Henrik: Yeah, Stell would sooner go hungry than order it.

Question Sixteen: What’s their favourite alcoholic beverage?

Henrik: Most of the time Stell gets akvavit, but I know he really likes champagne when we can get it.

Stellan: Beer. If not for the health risks, I’m pretty sure Henrik could drink beer all the time.

Henrik: My favourite’s Gammel Dansk, actually, but you’re not far off!

[Stellan claps the table, his other hand going to cover his mouth.]

Stellan: Fuck!

Question Seventeen: What’s their favourite cuisine?

Stellan: Pretty sure it’s Dutch.

Henrik: Norwegian...?

Stellan: You’re wrong.

[Henrik stares at him.]

Henrik: But it’s all you cook!

Stellan: They’re family recipes, dummy. My favourite’s Japanese.

Henrik: Well, I eat Norwegian almost every night!

[Stellan glares at Henrik and gets up from his chair, walking away.]

Henrik: Wait, come back!

Question Eighteen: What’s their favourite Disney movie?

Henrik: The Little Mermaid.

Stellan: Frozen, even though people think it’s my favourite.

Henrik: I thought you’d like it because of the trolls!

Stellan: You all are delusional if you think trolls are going to give you valid relationship advice.

[Henrik laughs, clapping Stellan on the shoulder.]

Question Nineteen: What’s their most-used curse word?

Stellan: Dammit, fuck it, or anything with an “it”.

Henrik: Shit.

[Stellan looks at Henrik as though enlightened.]

Stellan: Shit, you’re right.

Henrik: HA!

Question Twenty: What adjective describes them in the bedroom?

[Henrik grins perversely and leans over to whisper to Stellan, who glares at him and desperately tries to cool down his reddening face.]

Henrik: Contained. Wild, but the controlled type. Does that make sense?

Stellan: ...dangerous.

[Stellan tries not to fall off his chair.]

Henrik: Aw, yeah, my danger makes stuff really exciting!

Stellan: Shush.

Question Twenty-One: Which one’s funnier?

[Stellan points at Henrik.]

[Henrik points at Stellan.]

[They both stare at each other for a moment before laughing.]

Question Twenty-Two: Who dances better?

Henrik: Stell, hands-down. He teaches ballet at the local studio.

[Stellan shows a video of Henrik dancing to the camera, stifling his laughter.]

Stellan: The only type of dance Henrik can do is awkward dad dancing, solely to embarrass Harald.

Question Twenty-Three: What nicknames do they give you?

Stellan: No.

Henrik: Come on, just tell ‘em!

Stellan: Nei.

[Henrik whispers to him again, and he sighs.]

Stellan: Kanin. It means ‘bunny’, apparently.

Henrik: He’s so old-fashioned! Sometimes when I’m working on my tapestries, I hear Stell go, “darling, can you get me some coffee?” or something like that, and it’s so cute. But again, at night he calls me ‘Mas’-”

Stellan: NO.

Question Twenty-Four: Who uses the Internet more?

Henrik: He shitposts. A lot. For a bestselling author who writes for Disney, you wouldn’t imagine him to be on the Internet a lot posting stuff like “I brewed some leaf juice”.

Stellan: Henrik really only goes online to look for photos or buy stuff.

Question Twenty-Five: If they’re on YouTube, what are they watching?

Stellan: Videos of the songs I wrote lyrics to, or dead memes. I caught him playing the ten-hour loop of “Yee” the other day.

Henrik: He listens to ancient music.

[Stellan crosses his arms indignantly.]

Stellan: They’re from the nineteen hundreds, that’s hardly old. Uncultured pencil.

Henrik: Pencil?

Stellan: Uncultured shit, if that’s what you prefer.

Question Twenty-Six: If they could travel back in time, where would they go?

Henrik: The fifties.

Stellan: The Viking age, clearly.

Question Twenty-Seven: What do they have too much of?

Stellan: Photos, most of them of me.

Henrik: Notebooks.

Stellan: Those notebooks are filled with important drafts!

Henrik: Well, those photos are of important people!

[Henrik sniggers as Stellan blushes for the umpteenth time.]

Question Twenty-Eight: Which of their pickup lines really got you?

Henrik: “You’re amazing.”

Stellan: You still remember that from ten years ago? That’s barely even a pickup line.

Henrik: Of course!

Stellan: “If you need somebody to cuddle with, I’m always down for it!”

[Henrik grins and wraps his arms around Stellan.]

Question Twenty-Nine: What’s their favourite emoji?

[They both take out their phones to type.]

[Stellan shows his first.]

Stellan: ♡. He’s ridiculously sappy.

[Henrik shows the emoji on his screen.]

Henrik: Stell doesn’t use emojis, but the emoticon he sends the most is (._.).

Question Thirty: Draw your partner.

[Henrik draws a simple sketch, displaying it proudly.]

[Stellan draws a stick figure.]

Henrik: Holy crap!

Stellan: I’m good at writing, not drawing. Now shut up.

...

Henrik: So, that’s the end of the challenge, and I hope you liked it!

Stellan: I certainly didn’t.

Henrik: Bye!

Stellan: Thank goodness it’s over.

#aph dennor #APH Denmark #APH Norway #aph fanfiction #my writing

9 notes · View notes

ahotpeaceofshit · 6 years ago

Text

Jewels, more jewels: Noel time

(I did a bunch of editing so some parts have been shown in the previous jewels of my first draft so this is like jewels from my 1.5th draft.. it makes no sense but here we are. Some more jewels, go!)

“The great shall fall when the weak rise up!”

“Dude..?” Peter looked at me as I picked myself up and dusted off the dirt from my clothing. “All you did was trip over a rock..”

“Silence peasant!! Your God has embarrassed himself!” I said, still straightening out my clothing. “Respect me or have your eyes removed!!”

“Why am I here?” Peter sighed. “Just to suffer...”

“What’s that kink when two peaple care about each other and their needs?” I yawned.

“Love?” Ellie looked up confused.

“Kinky! I like it.”

“We must kill the gods, to show all, that they are mortal too.” Steff spoke with a hard determination in their voice.

“All I asked was how you were doing but I guess that answers it?” I laughed and gave Steff a light slap on their back. “I love it when you guy shitpost in real life!”

“Can I copy your homework, moooooooooonlight?” I bated my eyes at him. “Pretty please..”

“AAAAAAAA no! You need to learn your lesson!” He laughingly barked. “Do it yourself, it’s not that hard.”

“You can copy mine.” Ellie mumbled as she pulled out her math supplies, her blond hair seemed to glow in the absence of light. “I’m not positive it’s correct though..”

“Ellie, you sparkle fucking joy and I would willing have your children!” I exclaimed, taking her notebook.

“Bro, you know that isn’t biologically possible, you can’t give birth to kids.” Peter scoffed. “Plus you were supposed to learn how to do it yourself!”

“Who are you to control his body?!” Steff laughed while they pulled out their math notebook and slammed it on the table. “Make space Noel, I didn’t do my homework either.”

“Why the fuck do you two never do your math homework??” My best friend pouted. “Seriously, he’s like the only teacher who always checks if we did it or not.”

I looked into his deep brown eyes. He had the same eyes as his twin sister and his mother but I liked his the most. A soft brown that matched with his dark hair and light brown skin... and his beautiful, kissable lips. I don’t mean that in a ‘ I’m in love with my best friend’ kinda way, more like ‘ I’m platonically in love with my best friend and I would totally love to do some kissing practice with him..’ kinda way.

“Because it’s Mr. Hofmann.” Steff groaned. “I only manage to crawl out of my goblin hole every morning because I want to spite him.”

“Words that inspired people across the nation.” I nodded before turning my attention back to Peter. “Hey do you have number 5? Cause our dear Ellie simply put a bunch of question marks here.”

“Language hath changed too much, keeping up with human change bringeth many hardships.” She said, not even looking up from her device. “And such calculations were seen as witchcraft in my day and age.”

“Yeah.. so Ellie is being cryptic again.” I pulled him close, with my arms around his body. “Please moonlight, do us this one favour..”

“Did it hurt..” I gave Steff finger guns. “When you fell from heaven?”

“Yeah, of course it did!” They gave me a smile with hate burning in their eyes like fire that had been burning for millenia. “They fucking kicked me out!”

“Oh, bite me!” I said rolling my eyes.”

A moment of silence passed between us as Peter stared at me with a look that said ‘Are you dumb?’. He opened his mouth a couple times to speak but words just refused to come out.

“Oh fuck, that’s my job now! How did I forget? I’m a fucking vampire.” I gave Peter a little smirk. “I guess I’ll have to bite you now, eh?”

“No no No! In the name of the father, the son and the holy Spirit...I command you to..” Peter threw the head sized cross at me. “Fuck off.”

“Ow.. my feelings!” I blew Peter a kiss and jokingly asked. “But you still love me right?”

“YES!!” He screamed before pausing for a moment and then softly continued. “Of course I fucking love you, you big dumb idiot.. I always have and I always will..”

45 notes · View notes

winteriron-trash · 6 years ago

Text

About Me/FAQ

Hey, welcome to my blog! This is my -well, usually- Marvel-centric blog that has everything WinterIron, Bucky Barnes, and Tony Stark, as well as some general shitposts of my own wild adventures. I figured it’s best to keep up this trend of updating my ‘About Me’ page every follower milestone. So thank you all so much for over 3,000 followers, I never expected to break that many followers, let alone in less than a year on Tumblr. I appreciate each and everyone one of you, so really, thank you for sticking around with my bullshit.

Per the usual, I don’t do drama, I don’t do discourse. If you have a serious problem with me or anything I’ve written/done on this blog, please take it up with me personally. I will delete anon hate (if I get any, I haven’t gotten any yet…) and I think it’s all just pointless. I can be salty and derpy sometimes, but I will never purposely say something malicious. I’m not here for that negativity.

Now, to the FAQs.

Do you have an Ao3/Pillowfort/other social media?

I do have an Ao3, you can find me at Gothic_Lolita. I don’t cross-post everything, and a lot of my stuff on Ao3 isn’t WinterIron or even Bucky or Tony-centric, so if you’d like to see some other stuff I write, feel free to check over there. I don’t have a Pillowfort, nor do I plan on getting one. It took me forever to get this platform right, I’m not in the place to bother learning how to navigate a new one. I don’t do Snapchat or Instagram or Twitter because I am not nearly basic or cool enough for that stuff. The only social media I use is Tumblr and Pinterest, and trust me, my Pinterest is nothing interesting enough to be worth linking.

Do you have a tagging system?

I’m… trying, honestly. I’m trying to adjust my tags and systems because of the… wildness Tumblr is having with blocking and purging certain tags. I try to be funny in my tags, and I swear a lot, and apparently ‘fuck’ is being filtered out of the tag search, so that’s fun and completely screwed me over. As it stands, the important tags are ‘winteriron-trash writes’ (my writing tag), ‘shitposting with becca’ (any wild shitposts of my own sad creation), ‘not about marvel’ (any posts that are my general bullshittery and not Marvel related), ‘becca gives mediocre writing advice’ (a new tag I’m trying to use that’ll tag any post that I give writing advice on), ‘becca spills the tea’ (a tag for whenever I post my metas or opinions on Marvel characters, plots, etc), and the citrus scale which I explain in a post here

Do you write original fiction?

Yes, but I rarely, if ever, post it. I think I have all of one poem on Tumblr, any absolutely nothing original on Ao3. I write original works all the time, especially poetry and novels, but I’m super shy about being vulnerable and putting my stuff out there. I do wanna post my original writing somehow, but considering a fandom blog and Ao3 aren’t really the place for it, I’ll just keep it all hidden inside of me, and one day I’ll die. You’re more than welcome to ask me about any of my original writings, trust me, I am always willing to ramble about the shit I write, it’s pathetic.

What type of fanfiction do you write?

For this blog, mostly WinterIron fics or gen fics focused on Bucky or Tony. I do write about OT3s on here occasionally, but they usually include WinterIron in some way. Most of the time. I’ve somehow gotten to writing some weird stuff lately, to be honest. I’ll work with MCU, Sony Venom, and Spiderverse characters and canon, with the occasionally comic canon shoved in there. I have occasionally written crossover content with DC characters, but that usually relies on comic versions -or at least my own remixes of them- rather than the DCEU. On my masterlist, you can check out all the things I’ve written!

What are your ships besides WinterIron? NOTPs?

I’ll ship almost anything, and I’m a huge fan of rarepairs/interesting relationships simply to explore the possibilities of it, particularly when they include Bucky or Tony. My top OTPs besides WinterIron are currently Phlint, FalconShield, and BlackPepper. As for NOTPs, I strongly dislike Stucky, Stuckony, Thorki, and Staron for reasons of just not being able to see those characters together romantically. Feel free to send me the wildest rarepair your mind can think of, chances are I’ve probably already thought of it myself so I’d love the chance to ramble about/write for it. I’m a big fan of weird OT3s as well, just see the weird shit on my masterlist.

Are you in any fandoms besides Marvel?

I’m into DC, Star Trek, classic literature, Percy Jackson/HoO/Kane Chronicles, She-Ra, Carmen Sandiego, indie gaming, Supernatural, vulture culture, HYDRA Trash Party, and musicals. Yes, I’m aware I was born to be a geek. Trust me, I’ve grown very used to it.

Do you take prompts?

Honestly, sending me a prompt/headcanon/idea is a shot in the dark. I have prompts sitting in my inbox that has been there for about a year that I’ve been meaning to write. Chances are if you send me a prompt yes I’ve seen it, yes I think it’s lovely, but god I do not have the time. Occasionally a prompt will really grab my eye and I’ll just have to write something for it, but sometimes even that can take months to finish. Don’t be surprised if you send me a prompt and I randomly fill it seven months later. I’m prone to doing so. I love being tagged in existing prompt/headcanon posts and asked to write it (as I have a bad habit of hijacking posts to write stuff for them to begin with…) just know that once again the chances of me writing it are about a 50/50. Also, make sure the OP is okay with you asking me to write it, it’s never my intention to steal someone else’s spotlight, I just want to take cool ideas and throw my two cents in.

Is there anything you won’t write?

Drugs and alcohol are hard nos for me. They’re personal triggers that if you really want to know more about, you can send me an ask or message about. If I’ve listed something as a NOTP, I will not write anything with it. I strongly dislike writing kid fics, mundane AUs, damsel in distress Tony fics, and A/B/O, but I’m willing to work with an idea if it’s good enough. It really depends on the situation.

Do you offer writing advice/reviews?

Yep! I’m down to answer any questions on writing fanfic or just writing in general. I love talking about writing and all that. Seriously, I like talking about writing almost as much as I like talking about Marvel. I’m more than open to reading a few chapters of your fic or book or whatever and telling you my honest thoughts, but I probably won’t have time to read all of it if it’s more than 5k long, because I’m just a busy person. And I will be honest because I want to be helpful. Don’t ask me for my honest opinion if you just want your ego stroked.

Can I ask your opinion on [insert topic here]?

Always. I am always open to sharing my honest opinions, regardless of backlash I’ll receive for it. I’d rather be my honest self online -the one place I can be my honest self- then a fake mask made to please others. Whether it be fandom ships, in-universe meta, or non-fandom related topics, feel free to ask me. I love talking meta, or just general thoughts and opinions on random stuff. Trust me, I’m far too opinionated for my own good. Ask literally anyone who’s met me.

How long have you been writing?

All seventeen years of my sad, sad life. I loved writing stupid little stories when I was a kid, that slowly morphed into shitty “books”, then I went through a poetry phase in junior high, and when I was about 14 I wrote my first fanfiction. I posted my first fanfic when I was 15, and have been posting fanfiction for over a year and a half now. I started Tumblr in late February but didn’t start writing fics here until about March because I am a shy bitch.

Aaaaaaand now for some stupid shit about me you didn’t ask for.

My name is Becca, or Winter, or Dumbass, whatever you prefer, and I’m a dumbfuck 17 yr old lesbian from upstate New York. (The ‘upstate’ part is important. Don’t ask me if I live in NYC. Just don’t.) I’m a junior in high school and planning to study English and Marketing in college, to hopefully become an editor. Hopefully. I’m actually a pretty boring and dumb bitch, which makes it all the more concerning that I am steadily gaining popularity on this hellsite. Someone help me.

I mentioned some of my interests above, but some other stuff I’m into includes knitting, playing piano, tea, collecting (hoarding) notebooks, photography, editing, music, and being a general idiot. I’m a wild child in ripped jeans and a leather jacket, which should not fool you because I’m far too shy and afraid of everything to be cool like that. I sound a lot cooler online because I’ve gotten so used to online interactions from making friends and running my own Discord server, but in real life I am unrecognizable. I’ve been in a grade of 60 people with the same people since kindergarten and some of them still don’t know my name.

I’m mentally ill and all that, but we’re working on getting… better. Writing schedules are a mess from me and sometimes I’m falling apart so, that’s fun. It doesn’t usually affect my blog because I internalize that shit, but occasionally the self-deprecating humor can get to be a little too close to the truth. And just the general spastic nature of my blog reflects the utter chaos of my mind.

So anyway, that’s me, please be my friend. Also, because this seems to come up more and more. Please don’t be afraid of me/intimidated by me. I know I look all cool and popular, but I am literally a hot mess just like the rest of us. If you want to climb your way into my messages and just,,,, scream at me about something you think I’d like, or just scream in general, go ahead. I really won’t mind, I promise. I need… friends, or so my therapist tells me.

Oh, and here’s a face reveal.

Yes, I am that absolute idiot of a person, lying splat in the middle of my elementary playground field for,,,, reasons???? I don’t really remember the story behind that picture tbh, but it’s my entire personality in a single picture, so I dig it.

And here’s my actual face, with a cheap ring in my mouth and a fox filter because I thought I looked cute, okay? Leave me be.

Tadah.

I swear I’m funny and talented sometimes, please like me.

As always, feel free to send me an ask or a message about anything you’d like.

Check out my Masterlist if you want, and join my Discord Server.

#about me #personal #not about Marvel #now you know who i am #updated #3k

68 notes · View notes

groundramon · 7 years ago

Text

Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here! I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing. ok. alright. cool. Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon. just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like. They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality. I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish. This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids. What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him. I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet. No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is. Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one. They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like. Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed. The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it. Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me. alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible. Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected. Was very invested during it. ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out. Where are the 02 kids. You should’ve brought them in to save the day. That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun. Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps. Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty. I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development. He’s basically an entirely different person. Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe. He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE. The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back. They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei??? Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much. It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters. Whatever. AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk? This entire time??? Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends??? Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried. Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao. God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely. Would I have still been bitter? Yes. But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise. It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults. These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining. They do not work when placed into an adult setting. Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world? I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like. Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure. It doesn’t work. Digimon Tri is basically that except real. Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience. It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that. Like! Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL. Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life. I want bad puns and emotional characters. That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be. Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars. It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better. You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead. If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series. Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS. I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri? But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish. Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies. Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit. I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons. It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments. If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it. It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept. And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up. It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon. It raises interesting questions about the timeline too. We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project? (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over) But what about Diaboromon? I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well. Could Diaboromon still be out there too? It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction. Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil? Like ? That’s a pretty important thing. The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02. And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still. It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened) MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so. God there’s just. So much wrong with Tri. I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care. There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me. I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

#stormy speaks #digimon

1 note · View note

paranoid-rhythm · 7 years ago

Text

TRANSLATION: JOKER GAME 2ND YEAR D-CLASS, SAKUMA-SENSEI RETURNS!! PART 1

Hello.

I’m back to shitpost on the Joker Game tag. lol jk

This drama CD is all the weird things the fans wanted, I guess. ww

Warning: VERY LONG. As in 4789 words long. TN notes at the bottom. I’ll update this post once I’ve translated the other tracks.

Text inside 「these」means that Odagiri is talking via LINE, and italicized text inside asterisks like * these * means that it’s the characters’ thoughts.

Well then, let’s jump into the madness after the cut!

Part 2 - 第2話「the night of the school trip」 Part 3 - 第3話「All out! Evacuation Drill! 」

第1話「an activity log of a certain day」

Sakuma: Yuuki Private Academy, Middle School Department. Because their previous adviser quit suddenly, starting the second semester, I became the class adviser for the 2nd Year, D-Class. The D-Class is a specially formed group, specifically for a group of problem students. And thus the daily lives of these exceptionally unique students continue.

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: Your presence is a good catalyst for those boys in D-Class. How about it? Do you have the will to be their class adviser until they graduate?

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Sakuma: I wonder, would those guys graduate first or would my stomach be ridden with ulcers first? Though the Headmaster directly entrusted them to me, I should do my best to guide them! Okay, I’ll give my all today!

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Sakuma: Drama CD, Joker Game

Miyoshi: 2nd Year D-Class, Sakuma-sensei Returns!!

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: This is a record of the daily lives of the D-Class. It starts in the early morning, 06:00 hours.

Sakuma: Hm?

Amari: Good morning, Sakuma-sensei!

Hatano: Morning~!

Sakuma: You guys are early, do you have morning practice for basketball club?

Hatano: Yes, since the tournament is approaching. Are you jogging, Sakuma-sensei?

Sakuma: Yeah, since I feel like my body would become weak if I don’t move. So recently, I’ve been jogging in the early morning.

Amari: If you’re interested in exercising, you should join our club. Hatano’s so Spartan in our training. Right~?

Hatano: It’s not like I want to be like that, whose fault do you think it is?! It’s because you keep slacking off here and there that I do it!

Amari: Life should be lived freely, one should grab that opportunity! It’s important to live it the way you want it~!

Hatano: Why you–…!!

Sakuma: Thanks for the invitation, but I’m not really interested in joining ball games.

Hatano: Oh yeah, Sensei’s specialty is kendo and judo, right?

Amari: We heard that you’ve even joined national tournaments during your high school days.

Sakuma: Y-you guys do know a lot huh… *Huh..? Did I ever tell anyone about this…?*

Hatano: You should be careful about your personal information being leaked~!

Sakuma: Don’t read my thoughts!

Hatano: We’ll go on ahead, then!

Amari: See you in the classroom!

Sakuma: Ah–… yeah. Do your best during training!

Amari: Hatano, you sure have low energy during mornings huh. Do you have low blood pressure? (1)

Hatano: Well, there’s that but I was also reading a book until late last night.

Amari: You should be careful not to stay up too late, or else you won’t grow any taller~!

Hatano: HAAAH?!

Amari: Ahaha! So you’ll get angry at that!

Sakuma: I should run a bit more.

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: At around the same time…

Miyoshi: *sigh* I can’t fix it huh, this bed hair…

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: 08:00 hours, before homeroom.

Tazaki: Good morning!

Jitsui: Good morning, Tazaki-san!

Fukumoto: Good morning!

Odagiri: 「Good morning~」

Tazaki: Hm? Your greeting sticker is energetic today, did something good happen, Odagiri?

Odagiri: 「Last night, Music Channel aired JG Musume’s(2) new release! It’s super god-like! 」

Tazaki: Wait one second, it’s not only Fukumoto who likes that idol group, JG Musume?

Fukumoto: The group’s new member looks a lot like Odagiri’s childhood friend, so I showed him their music video.

Jitsui: And he got so into it huh? What a simpleton.

Odagiri: 「Yuriri looks so much like Chizu-nee, it hurts! 」

Jitsui: I don’t care what you guys get into, but can you not live tweet everything while it’s being aired on TV? Look what happened to my timeline!

Tazaki: Truly, it’s just full of Odagiri and Fukumoto’s tweets.

Fukumoto: I apologize. I got caught in the moment, I need to let everyone know about JG Musume’s ultimate cuteness–…

Odagiri: 「I agree! 」

Jitsui: Please think about us who gets flooded with 10 or 20 tweets about the same thing. Well, I’ve already muted you both anyway.

Tazaki: Is it a good thing that he hasn’t blocked you guys yet?

Fukumoto: Tazaki, you also have a Twitter account right? I haven’t seen you tweet recently.

Tazaki: Ah, I’ve recently put up a channel in YouTube, so I’ve been uploading the new sleight of hand tricks that I’ve learned there.

Odagiri: 「Tazaki, you’re a YouTuber?!」

Tazaki: It’s not that big of a deal. Here.

Tazaki: I have here the Joker card. I’ll crumple it inside my left hand and count to three, to change the card into something else! One, two, three!

Fukumoto: That’s amazing. It changed into a pigeon in an instant.

Jitsui: Is it really that amazing? Rather than that, what I’m bothered by is his channel’s username.

Odagiri: 「Tazakin(3). lololol」

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: At the same time…

Miyoshi: Not a hair is out of place, the perfect hairstyle! A cat? Don’t come after me.

Kaminaga: Good morning~! It’s not like I want to go with you anyway~!

Miyoshi: Kaminaga, I’m not talking to you.

Kaminaga: Hm? Oh! A black cat! How cute~! Here, here~! Ooh~ you’ve got such soft and silky fur! If you were a human, you’d definitely a black haired beauty!

Miyoshi: That cat’s a male though.

Kaminaga: Eh?!

Miyoshi: Well, you’ll know when you look at it.

Kaminaga: Miyoshi, even though you claim to hate cats, you know a lot about them huh. Besides, why do you even hate them?! Is it because their fur sticks to everything?

Miyoshi: It doesn’t matter.

Kaminaga: But if this guy’s a stray, then it’s worrying. There’s been cases of someone abusing strays around this area.

Miyoshi: If we don’t get a move on, we’ll be late.

Kaminaga: Ehh… then, Cat-chan, well, Cat-kun, bye bye~!

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Mutou: Your skirt is too short! And you, your necktie is crooked!

Kaminaga: Geh. It’s vice-principal Mutou! Is it inspection day today?!

Miyoshi: The committee is not with him. Isn’t he just doing it for nothing?

Mutou: D-Class… you guys are almost late! I know that you’re all troublesome students, so I suppose that you won’t have any complaints if we expel you!

Kaminaga: Did we cause trouble~?

Mutou: Stop playing dumb! Kaminaga! I’ve heard that you’ve been going around, seducing all the female students in this school!

Kaminaga: I haven’t actually gone to that extent…

Mutou: No excuses! Miyoshi! Where’s your school badge?! Not wearing the school badge inside the school grounds is a violation of the rules–…

Miyoshi: Mutou-sensei, we only have 4 minutes and 20 seconds before homeroom starts. And because you stopped us, we’ve already wasted 30 seconds, are you still going to continue? Even though you’re the vice-principal, you’re going to make students late? We won’t stop you though.

Mutou: Ugh.. hurry up and go!

Miyoshi: Thank you very much.

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: 10:00 hours, second period, Japanese Language.

Sakuma: I’ll be handing out the results for the short test the other day. When I call your name, come here and get it. Amari!

Amari: Yes~!

Sakuma: Odagiri!

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Sakuma: All of you in this class are very intelligent, but for some reason, all of you always gets one question wrong. This time, it’s question number 5.

Amari: “Take into account Howard’s emotions in the underlined parts and write your interpretation of it in 30 words or less.”

Kaminaga: Ah, it’s marked wrong on mine as well.

Sakuma: Interpreting how a human being’s emotions, for some strange reason, all of you repeatedly get these kinds of questions wrong. To reflect on where you went wrong, I’ll have all of you read your answers out loud one by one.

Odagiri: 「 It’s a public execution lololol 」

Sakuma: First up, Miyoshi!

Miyoshi: I don’t want to reflect on it.

Hatano: He actually refused!?

Sakuma: That’s right, even I was surprised that I had to grade a rejection.

Miyoshi: Isn’t there no right or wrong when it comes to considering people’s emotions? Putting those kinds of questions in the test is nonsense.

Jitsui: You have a point, you’ll need to confirm with the person themselves about it.

Sakuma: It’s not that I don’t understand you, but as long as it’s on the test, there’s a right answer for it. If you’re not going to answer, then I’ll be forced to mark it down.

Miyoshi: I’ll take note of that.

Sakuma: Next up is Kaminaga, read it out loud.

Kaminaga: “OMG this is crazy! Seriously crazy! Super crazy!"

Tazaki: It looks like his vocabulary died.

Sakuma: What warranted this line?

Odagiri: Pfft… fufufu… fufufu that’s seriously dumb fufuhehehe…

Fukumoto: It seems like it sold well to Odagiri, he’ll be laughing for a long time because of this.

Amari: Thanks to Kaminaga, Odagiri who normally doesn’t laugh is now laughing out loud. I guess you can count this one as a good thing.

Hatano: Just what kind of logic is that?!

Sakuma: Odagiri! You’re not one to laugh at other people’s mistakes! What do you mean by "The rest of my answers are online.”?!

Kaminaga: That’s even worse than mine!

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: 12:00 hours, lunch break.

Hatano: Success!! Success!!

Fukumoto: Were you able to buy the bread you wanted?

Hatano: Of course! The Yuuki Academy special Black Iberian Pork Cutlet Sandwich, only 3 pieces are made and sold only on Fridays! This is really good~!

Fukumoto: Did you also buy those pork cutlet sandwiches, Tazaki?

Tazaki: Nah, I just bought the daily meal. I’m not like Hatano, I don’t have enough confidence to brave that bargain sale like mob.

Odagiri: 「As expected of the only guy with a logical mind in the D-Class! 」

Hatano: Anyway, why haven’t you guys eaten yet? It would’ve been okay to eat ahead of us.

Fukumoto: My bento today is a work of art. I wanted to show it to you guys.

Hatano: Wha–… what is this?!

Tazaki: A kyaraben(4) huh? But which character is this?

Fukumoto: It’s Nezujirou III.

Tazaki: Ne… ne… nezu… ??

Odagiri: 「It’s the official mascot character for JG Musume. Patterned after Fukumoto’s favorite, Marron-chan’s illustration.」

Hatano: Is this a mouse? Why is it yellow?

Fukumoto: IF MARRON-CHAN SAYS IT’S YELLOW, THEN A MOUSE IS YELLOW.

Hatano: You’re scary…

Odagiri: 「Can I take a pic and up it on Twitter?」

Fukumoto: Yeah.

Hatano: It’s all the rage now huh, omurice, nori and ham cut outs, it’s all totally impossible for me.

Tazaki: You make it by yourself every morning, right? That’s amazing.

Fukumoto: Today’s is just special. I usually just use the left overs from dinner and some easily prepared stuff so it’s not much work. Odagiri, you have a bento today, right?

Odagiri: 「Yeah, Chizu-nee made one for me!」

Hatano: Ah, your childhood friend that lives next to you?

Odagiri: 「She said she put my favorite in there!」

Fukumoto: That’s exciting!

Tazaki: Hm? Odagiri’s favorite…

Hatano: Ah… how do you say it…

Fukumoto: …it’s all just…

Odagiri: ….white rice…

Tazaki: …right?

Hatano: W-well! You never know! Maybe there’s some side dishes underneath all that rice!

Odagiri: 「There’s none…」

Tazaki: Oh… ah… well, Odagiri, you like onigiri, right? So maybe she thought you’ll be happy about it!

Odagiri: Hn.. hm…

Fukumoto: I’ll give you some of my tamagoyaki and octopus wieners…

Hatano: I’ll give you a bit of my pork cutlets too…

Tazaki: Have some of my karaage and cheer up!

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: At the same time…

*A lot of girls chattering in the BG*

Miyoshi: How stifling. Going to the cafeteria was a mistake.

Kaminaga: Isn’t Miyoshi the one who said he wanted to eat the Triple S Meal Set?

Jitsui: It can’t be helped, Kaminaga-san and Amari-san are both very popular with the girls.

Kaminaga: Oh no~ sorry about being popular~!

Jitsui: How about you try being modest?

Amari: Ahh… I’m sorry, but we’re eating, I’ll be glad if you girls would quiet down a little~.

Jitsui: As expected, the difference of how Amari-san and Kaminaga-san treat girls are widely different.

Kaminaga: That just now was supposed to diss me, wasn’t it?!

Amari: Hm? Isn’t it about how Kaminaga has his own good points?

Kaminaga: Amariiii~!

Miyoshi: You’re both just playboys, you’re just the same.

Kaminaga: Oh? A man’s jealousy is unsightly, Narcissist-kun who’s friends with the mirror~!

Amari: Speaking of which, our underclassmen in the basketball club all say that “If you look closely, Miyoshi-san from D-Class is really good looking!”.

Kaminaga: “If you look closely!"

Jitsui: Underclassmen from the club? Those are guys, right?

Amari: Whether it’s guys or girls, isn’t being liked better than being hated?

Jitsui: That’s not the point.

Miyoshi: I don’t care about what people think of me. It’s annoying so I’d rather they leave me alone.

Kaminaga: Ah! It made me remember, instead of the underclassmen, Jitsui is really popular with the older ladies. They all fawn over him, saying "He’s really cute~!”.

Amari: Yeah, we see that a lot.

Jitsui: It’s an honor. Thank you.

Kaminaga: But truthfully speaking, as a guy, isn’t it kinda off, being called “cute”?

Jitsui: Is that so? I happen to like this appearance of mine. I feel like I can use it for something.

Kaminaga: What a scary child.

Miyoshi: Jitsui, didn’t you say that you wanted to return books to the library? If you don’t go soon, our break would be over.

Jitsui: Oh! Thank you for reminding me, Miyoshi-san. Then I’ll be going on ahead.

Amari: See you later~!

Kaminaga: Underneath that innocent face lies a demon, huh?

Miyoshi: That’s what you call cunning or more like, black-hearted.

Amari: Between Jitsui and Hatano, Hatano’s smaller, right?

Kaminaga: Amari, do we really need that information right now?

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Hatano: Ah, Jitsui.

Jitsui: Oh, what a coincidence. Hatano-san, are you returning books as well?

Hatano: No, I’m looking for books to borrow. We cross paths a lot in the library, huh? Is there some books you… can… re..commend…? *Eh?! Wait?! “Everyone Can Do It! Black Magic Manual”?! “Medieval Torture Methods Made Easy”?! Just what kind of books is this guy borrowing?!*

Jitsui: Oh, this?

Hatano: Ah… ah… y-you’re drawing manga for your club activities, right? I-is that for research? Ahaha..ha…

Jitsui: No, this is just for my hobby.

Hatano: Your hobby?!

Jitsui: These books are very interesting, I recommend them! Everything is easily explained, so even beginners can read them! If you have time, please read them!

Hatano: Ah.. ah… t-the next period is gym right?! I need to go change! Later then!

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: 13:00 hours, fifth period, gym class.

Mutou: For today’s class, since Gordon-sensei is on leave, he prepared a special course for you guys!

Hatano: Geh. And to make things worse, Mutou is the sub.

Tazaki: Well, he does have his eyes on us. Looks like we can’t slack off today.

Mutou: No complaints! Today you’ll be swimming with your clothes on!

Kaminaga: Aaaah, so that’s why he made us wear our jersey over our swimsuit.

Fukumoto: I thought he’ll just make us clean the pool again.

Miyoshi: I don’t want to do that ever again.

Mutou: Didn’t I tell you to shut it?! You all would swim 1 kilometer while wearing your jerseys! That means you’ll do 40 laps on this 25 meter pool! The time limit is 30 minutes!

*An adult man would usually take 30 minutes to swim 1 kilometer. Held back by their jerseys, I’m sure they can’t do it within 30 minutes. This is my chance to get rid of this D-Class!*

Tazaki: The weather is just perfect for a swim huh.

Odagiri: 「I didn’t bring a waterproof case for my phone. I’m done for.」

Jitsui: That means you just have to finish before your withdrawal symptoms appear.

Amari: Wouldn’t our jerseys come off while swimming though?

Hatano: That just means that your swimming form is bad.

Fukumoto: If it comes off, I’ll pick it up for you. Though, even if we’re all guys, it’s better to take care not to get stripped off.

Kaminaga: Exciting! All Guys Swimming With Clothes On! With A Chance of Stripping!

Miyoshi: There’s no such thing.

Odagiri: My smartphone… it’ll just be a temporary separation!!

Mutou: *Laugh while you still can…* Get ready, go to your positions! We’ll begin the 1 kilometer course now! Ready!

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Miyoshi: We’re all done.

Mutou: Wh-what?! *These guys! Not only they made it within the time limit, they’re not tired in the slightest, even after swimming! Impossible!*

Miyoshi: “Impossible!”, is what your face says. Would you like us to do it again?

Mutou: Uh–… uooooo!!

Amari: Ah, he fainted. What do we do?

Miyoshi: Leave him be, blood just rushed to his head due to his anger. He’ll be fine even if we leave him be.

Kaminaga: Score! Then that means we’ll be free for the rest of the period! Let’s play underwater volleyball!

Tazaki: Do we have a ball for it?

Hatano: I think I saw one in the changing room!

Fukumoto: I’ll go and look for it.

Odagiri: I missed you… I missed you!

Jitsui: Don’t cry while clutching your smartphone like that, Odagiri-san.

Miyoshi: I’ll go ahead and change, my hair is all messed up.

Kaminaga: Are you gonna spend 2 hours setting it again?

Miyoshi: Shut it.

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: 16:00 hours, after class.

Hatano: Hmm… Okay, it looks like those gaggle of girls aren’t around today! The tournament is coming close, I need to concentrate and train hard–…

Amari: Hatano, Hatano!

Hatano: What do you want?! Your fan club is not around today!

Amari: I know that. But instead, there’s a cat!

Hatano: Huh, cat? Whoa! Where did this come from?!

Amari: Earlier, when Hatano was checking out the scene outside, it slipped right between your feet. That was amazing~!

Hatano: If you noticed then you should’ve said something!

Amari: I’m more of a dog person, but cats are cute too, right~? Ahahaha~ that tickles~! Is it because I ate some snacks before that I smell tasty?

Hatano: Guide it outside! If we left that here, it’ll be in the way of our practice!

Amari: Don’t be so cold! Let’s just leave him here!

Hatano: What good would leaving it here be?! Are you planning to keep it here in the gym? Stop being irresponsible–… AH! WHOA?! The club room’s key–…!!

Amari: Did the cat take it? What do we do?

Hatano: What else do you think we should do?! Run after it!

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Kaminaga: Aaah~ the best thing about the Cooking Club is that I can slack off and Fukumoto would make snacks and then Miyoshi would pour tea~!

Miyoshi: Don’t put your feet on the sofa.

Fukumoto: You’re gonna choke if you eat while lying down.

Kaminaga: You guys are seriously like a nagging mother-in-law and a mom.

Hatano: I’ll come at it from the right!

Kaminaga: Hm?

Hatano: Amari! It went that way! Corner it in!

Amari: Roger! Ah!

Hatano: Aah!! Only a little bit more!

Kaminaga: What are those two doing in the courtyard?

Fukumoto: They seem to be chasing a black cat.

Kaminaga: That’s obvious enough while watching them…

Miyoshi: Wouldn’t it be that, that cat took something from Hatano, so they’re chasing it to get it back. Since Amari is with him, it must have something to do with the basketball club, like the club room’s key… that cat…

Fukumoto: Hm? Are you interested in the cat?

Miyoshi: Not really.

Kaminaga: Isn’t that the cat that was following Miyoshi this morning? It ended up here in school after all! It must really have taken a liking to Miyoshi!

Fukumoto: If it’s a stray cat, then it must be hungry.

Miyoshi: Even so, don’t give food to it. If it gets used to that, it’ll just be troublesome

Kaminaga: What an evil guy~!

Fukumoto: No, Miyoshi’s right. It was my mistake.

*Kaminaga’s phone rings*

Kaminaga: Huh? A call from Tazaki?

Fukumoto: That’s rare.

Kaminaga: Hello~!

Tazaki: Help me, Kaminaga! I have only you now!

Kaminaga: Eh?! What happened?

Tazaki: Well, the thing is…

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Jitsui: Virtual Scientific and Cultural Research Club! Today’s agenda is this!

Tazaki: Hm? A horror game?

Odagiri: Hiie?!

Jitsui: You worded it wrong. It’s an action game where you run and fight zombies! The graphics, the music, the motions! It’s a super scary game being celebrated on the internet! I’d like you two play this for me.

Odagiri: W-w-w-w-w-why?!

Tazaki: Odagiri, calm down.

Jitsui: I want my next work to be a romance story born out of running away from zombies! A gory, shocking love suspense story! So, if you could help me with that…

Odagiri: W–…. wh–…. why–…

Tazaki: I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve asked this but, Jitsui, you’re writing a shoujo manga, right?

Jitsui: Yes, that’s right. But I’m sure that the readers are all tired of that school love story trope. I’ll use this for a bit of a change!

Tazaki: I think it’s too big of a change.

Odagiri: 「I’m begging you, horror genres are truly impossible, I’m so sorry.」

Tazaki: Odagiri is making it rain dogeza(5) stickers…

Jitsui: So it’s really impossible, huh? I don’t have anyone else but you two… I’m sorry, it was wrong of me, please forget it.

Tazaki: Odagiri.

Odagiri: 「F-f-f-fine.」

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Tazaki: And so, we’re playing the said game in our club room…

Odagiri: I-…impossible! Impossible! Impossible! Impossible! Impossible! Impossible!

Jitsui: IT’S NOT IMPOSSIBLE!

Odagiri: AAAAAHH!! NOOOOOOOO!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHH!!!

Jitsui: DON’T LET GO OF THE CONTROLLER!

Odagiri: AAAH!! ARRRRHHH!! AAAAARGHH!!

Tazaki: As you can hear, Odagiri’s HP is almost at 0. I’d take his place but, Jitsui said it’s pointless to make people who aren’t scared to play it.

Kaminaga: So you mean–…

Tazaki: Kaminaga, you’re no good with horror, right? I beg you, please take Odagiri’s place! I’ll be waiting for you in the club room!

Kaminaga: W-wait–…! How can one so unreasonable?!

Miyoshi: Why don’t you hurry and go?

Fukumoto: Bring them some of the madeleines I baked earlier.

Kaminaga: You two are so cold!

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Hatano: You have nowhere to run to!

Amari: Eh~ who knew that there’s a vacant lot here~

Hatano: Who cares about that?! Give me back the club room’s key! Alright! Seriously, giving us all that trouble!

Amari: Wait one second, Hatano. There’s something else that dropped.

Hatano: Huh? Our school’s badge?

Amari: There seems to be something engraved on the back, but it’s so small, it’ll be impossible to know whose this is with just this…

Hatano: It might be…

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: 18:00, the end of the school day.

Miyoshi: I seriously don’t understand why Kaminaga and Odagiri find zombies scary. Let’s go home already.

Amari: Miyoshi!

Hatano: Don’t move from there!

Miyoshi: Huh?

Hatano: This, is yours, right?

Miyoshi: My school badge…

Amari: Hatano saw the mark on the back and said that it definitely belongs to you.

Hatano: You always put a mark on your personal belongings, right? Because you hate to have them get mistaken for someone else’s.

Miyoshi: Where did you find it?

Hatano: In the vacant lot up ahead in the shopping district behind the school. We found it when we were chasing that stray cat who took our club room’s key.

Amari: Though it looked to me that the cat was trying to leas us there.

Hatano: The cat? If so, then that’s helpful of him. But how come you dropped it in that place?

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Kaminaga: But if this guy’s a stray, then it’s worrying. There’s been cases of someone abusing strays around this area.

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Miyoshi: Hm? A guy swinging around a baseball bat in a sparsely trafficked vacant lot? He could be nothing more than a suspicious person. And here I thought it’ll be facing someone more worthy.

*cat snarling*

*Miyoshi takes a photo*

Suspect: W-who are you?!

Miyoshi: Ah, please don’t mind me, I just love taking photos of cats. It’ll be alright if I post this photo online, right?

Suspect: Give me that!

Miyoshi: If you continue doing such things, you’ll get arrested not only for abuse but also for assault. A middle schooler getting caught abusing a cat? I’m pretty sure that the news would go crazy about it, how about that? I hope you take that into understanding.*

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Miyoshi: It’s nothing important.

Hatano: Well, whatever, as long as I’ve handed it over.

Amari: Make sure you don’t lose it again!

Miyoshi: A cat returning a favor, huh?

ｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘｘ

Yuuki: 21:00 hours.

Sakuma: Making a new lesson plan, preparing questions for the mid-term exams, planning the itinerary for the school trip… what a busy week it has been. Maybe I should go and drop by the convenience store and buy beer… hm? A cat? It’s dark so I can’t see it well… Ahaha, you’re quite used to humans huh, are you a stray? I see, I see! But my place is a cramped apartment and due to work, I’m not always at home, it’s not a good environment to keep a cat in. I’m sure some good natured person would pick you up… I’m sorry. Come on, don’t go after me! Didn’t I tell you not to go after me? Fine, do you want to go home with me? Ah-! Wait! Don’t pull on my clothes! Your claws hurt! Ow!

* With fur as black as an unlit night road, I took him home and named him Yoru.*

TN notes:

1 – Japanese people believe that people that have low blood pressure are not morning people

2 – JG Musume, a parody on Morning Musume

3 – Tazakin sounds like saikin (bacteria)

4 – Character bento

5 – dogeza / kneeling down on the ground; prostrate oneself as an apologyPart 3 - 第3話「All out! Evacuation Drill! 」 Part 3 - 第3話「All out! Evacuation Drill! 」

#joker game #spy boys shenanigans #drama cd translation #is this still joker game?!#is it?! tell me!?#amari please stop #sakuma is a pushover pass it on #jitsui is my one true son #satan's spawn

87 notes · View notes

grizzlefur · 8 years ago

Text

WWEm - ‘Angelic Ascension' to 'Nuclear Hobo’

Transmission date: Monday 22/Tuesday 23 May

It's far too warm to be funny, so here's FRIDAY AFTERNOON RAW.

that's what this blog is going to be now, just me stating the facts while being disdainful of this whole 'Sun' bollocks

who thought summer was a good idea

ugh

anyway

wrestling?

yes

wrestling

yestling?

ahem

and we're opening with the advert for the extreme rules five-way

which includes bray promising to kill brock with the spear of destiny, so that pleases me

and just as i type that, wyatt cut through the end of the vid

we're in grand rapids tonight, because nobody in detroit can afford tickets any more

i'm assuming they don't mean the one in minnesota, otherwise that joke doesn't work and i'd have to make up some shit about logging camps and judy garland

but yeah, bray's here to lead a revival

he's going to liberate all us slaves of brock

or the beast here may be metaphorical

because it lives inside us all and keeps our children up at night

but i like to think that's all tiny brocks

bray has straight-up promised to murder brock, crack his ribs and eat his heart

we're straight in at the deep end here

this is seriously full-on revivalist shit

he keeps telling us to stand up, and it makes me want to

this is some lovely crowd work

he's like fuck this five-way i've already sacrificed seth and joe

guess they need to make a new video package

doesn't even need to mention roman's name and the crowd are already on the verge of armed insurrection

like fuck your yard, i own he world

here's roman to take issue

or, as cole puts it, "Here is the keeper of the said yard!"

thank you, master wordsmith

roman and bray are doing some top-shelf glowering across the room at each other

roman comes in like say that to my face you bitch, bray just starts cackling

and then says it to his face

they keep calling each other 'old friend', i'm getting the feeling i should know more classic nxt

roman squares up in bray's grill, cue kurt to intervene

maybe they''re just big x-men fans

now i'm imagining bray as professor x and roman as magneto

it's quite an image

kurt acknowledges that these two are two of the favourites

probably, like top 5

he's just like fuck this showrunning thing, this is a match now, bye

despite the number of times roman's fought bray, he still gets freaked out by the whole hanging backward off the turnbuckle thing

at least corey lampshades that as well

thanks for following my thought processes, graves

bray uranages roman, forgoes pinning him to just go and bite the ropes

he's just taking every opportunity this match to fuck about and laugh at roman

bray does not and has never given a shit

like three minutes into the match, here's joe to pick a fight

at least he hit his music, rather than just turning up like usual

stands there telling bray to get up and fight him, bray's just like um no i'll sit here thanks

so joe coquina clutches roman for the dq

bray tries to join in, gets a clutch of his own, and now here comes seth to slay some kings

or failing that, some large men

bray tries to blindside seth, roman superman punches him

long awkward moment between seth and roman, everyone glares at each other, hit what the fuck music is this

seriously, it sounded like cage the elephant or something

can we fire the sound guy

apparently it's barns courtney

(who's from aylesbury, so that explains a lot)

clearly everyone in the room has realised it's the wrong music but just to finish the segment anyway like it was intentional

gj, guys

announcements for later: finn/anderson, and sheamus/matt, with the winner of the latter picking the stipulation for their extreme rules match

so either matt wins and they do a ladder match because hardyz, matt winds and they have some kind of dilapidated boat mindfuck (i want this), or sheamus wins and is just like fuck it let's have a knife fight (i would also watch this)

oh, apparently that barns courtney song is the theme for extreme rules

so i guess it makes a certain kind of sense

still a weird-ass time to play it, though

anyway, i should probably unpause this and stop writing long-ass comments and looking up aylesburian singer-songwriters

(it doesn't necessarily come across, but i take some serious research breaks on here)

but now, seth and roman are passive-aggressive at each other backstage

kurt shows up like fuck this high school bullshit you're teaming against bray and joe in the main event

they accept this, walk off, elias fucking samson break

kurt like fine you have my attention what the fuck do you want if i give you a match against dean ambrose will you go the hell away

elias responds with some more abstracted strumming, kurt seems to take that as a yes

are we just playing him as mute on this show

that would be kind of great

but now it's cruiserweight time, with tozawa facing ariya daivari, who's accessorised with aviators, chains and possibly the most garish jacket observable by science

just in case you forgot he was the heel

and meanwhile, instead of being on announce like a normal person, brian kendrick is backstage with a big-screen tv, watching the match and occasionally chipping in with comments like a fucking nfl analyst or something

i swear, i'm like fifteen minutes into this weird-ass episode and it's already making me want to tap out to the bugfuck strangeness of it all

i think we're in one of those weeks

jinder mahal beating randy orton for the world title clearly broke all laws of god and man, and now reality is irrevocably shattered and we must get used to the new world we find ourselves facing

sorry you had to learn about it from a wrestling shitpost blog

anyway, back in the match

tozawa is in green and teal shorts, and it doesn't work for him at all

but he's working through this personal obstacle to beat seven kinds of piss out of ariya

cut back to brian, who provides us with his incisive analysis viz. HA chants being dumb

he is wrong

tozawa provides some, then does a top rope back senton for the pin

what was his finisher before?

cos that's a great one

cut back to brian, who's like fuck that imma kill him tomorrow

tozawa shouts in the face of a small child, end segment

next up, dean/elias

but first, charly interviews sasha backstage

she's like foxy ain't shit, alicia and noam turn up to taunt her some

oh wait, it's usually his snap german

fuck

how did i forget that

anyway, diving senton is cool too

but now, elias samson has a song for us about grand rapids

credit to him, he can actually play his guitar and sing and shit

because everyone hates people who can't use their props

but to be fair, everyone also hates elias samson

so *shrug*

dean interrupts the last few bars, corey takes advantage of his mic being back on to be like what has happened to my life

miz and maryse are on announce to tell us how dean ain't shit

maryse badmouths dean for "kicking miz in his no-no land"

meanwhile in the ring, elias is reminding us that he is actually a large impressive man

smacks dean's neck into the ropes, because fuck your head trauma rules

likewise, hangs dean's head off the apron and then does a bunch of knees into it

cut to ads, and elias is choking dean into unconsciousness

would have thought he'd just pin him by now

apparently dean is losing because miz's presence is sapping his power

this information brought to you by the miz

dean's starting to get his zaynwheels spinning, so time for a comeback

wait, shit, were we not meant to call it that any more?

dean goes off the top rope, takes a knee to the face in response

dean takes elias down, miz runs to the ring and kicks elias once for the dq

like fuck you mr ambrose i know how the rules work

truly the most dangerous quality in a wrestler

chasing miz around the ring keeps dean occupied while elias gets back up, and swinging neckbreaker for giggles

up next, bálor/anderson

but first, cass is angry backstage

we pan over to enzo unconscious in the middle of a bunch of weights equipment

and fade on medics trying to wake him up

to an advert for that barns courtney song

we come back, and he's awake

and doesn't rmember who blindsided him

kurt promises to get to the bottom of this, because he seems like a good boss

cass is like well let's see who finds them first

[large new yorker intensifies]

and we're back in the arena, and finn has got this whole appearing in a column of smoke thing down

*does the arms*

i love how he does proper ballroom dance hands when he does the arms

both because it enhances the lines of the pose and because it's kind of adorable

booker makes a comment about how everyone wants a piece of finn, a solid 70% of people watching just joined with me in nodding knowingly

he has a mic

but can't say the word 'fatal'

acknowledges it, the crowd are like fuck it, we love you

and then interrupted mid-speech by...heyman?

with a speech about how not one of the people in the five-way is shit

wait, was this speech meant to be in the opening segment but we replaced it with unexpected blues rock?

paul makes a reference to roman killing taker, the crowd hate him even more

paul finally reaches finn's place in his list

oh, apparently he's not going to trashtalk him

calls him the most talented performer in wwe?

where's the twist coming?

paul saying the word 'extreme' is getting a pop

okay, so apparently finn is his pick to win the five-way

this is odd

but i am intrigued

finn has a message for brock

(spoiler: he ain't shit)

paul just stands there like welp this is super intense

but here are anderson and gallows

oh yeah

remember there was a match happening?

cut for ads, and we come back to finn stomping the shit out of anderson

right up until anderson tries to rip his nose off and gallows gets a cheap shot in

not a bad match, but when have i ever not liked a finn match

these two are just so fluid together

it's almost like they've worked together for years

finn kicks anderson off the turnbuckle, then hits his big apron punt on gallows

anderson goes for a powerbomb, finn does a lovely counter into a standing double stomp and tope

and sling blade, corner dropkick (slightly misjudged), coup de grace for the pin

finn walks up the ramp, someone holds a palestinian flag up on camera

how long till they get disappeared

and corey reminds me why i love him by pronouncing coup de grace properly

another graphic for matt/sheamus, this time with a less broken picture of matt

weird

but now it's sasha/alicia

sasha enters in a double-breasted half-camo waistcoat, and i want to ask her where to buy it

apparently the point of this match is if sasha wins, alicia gets to fuck off

noam distracts sasha by literally going durrrrrrr at her, near-fall

noam is the best armcandy

sasha dodges a scissor kick into her double knees, awkward-ass pin, end

this whole angle has just been really weird

is it done now

noam comes into the ring to shout at sasha

goes for her, gets deathslapped, but alicia's there to blindside sasha with a scissor kick

but now we're backstage again, with kalisto and apollo

kalisto being like the fuck is wrong with you why are you working for dickbag o'douche

and also btw did you attack enzo

apollo denies it, talks about how he's working for titus for his connections

titus appears to be like oh hey you want to join the titus brand awesome

shockingly, kalisto actually doesn't

so titus sets his minion on him for a match later

but next, alexa talks about extremity

after our first ad for mitb

we'll be seeing a lot of those

and now we talk about the demise of the golden truth

booker talks about how being an inscrutable evil isn't like goldust at all

making me question whether he's actually met the man

and now we have a shattered dreams video package, featuring a low framerate goldust doing slam poetry about gold and wearing a suit jacket over his bodysuit

a disembodied hand tries to give him a script, he's like fuck that i'm reasserting creative control

does his oldschool weird breathing, end thing

and now charly has alexa backstage

but mostly to introduce this vt of her beating on bayley last week

in which they cut out the bit where it took alexa three tries to find the kendo stick

but with bonus pictures of the welts on bayley's back

whoever wolf whistled in the crowd, fuck off

alexa's just like heh yeah that was pretty great

and i'm totes gonna do worse at extreme rules

and apparently she's fighting mickie tonight

whom she's also going to murder

and now we talk about roman and braun some more

are we seriously doing the vt of braun getting his elbow fucked again?

apparently we are, yes

with dramatic replays and colour separation and everything

and restating that yes, he will be off for some time

not sure why we needed that segment

but anyway

now it's kalisto/crews

and the editing means we missed the start of kalisto's entrance

boooo

or should i say

beeeeeeoooooo

apparently titus is the most in-demand public speaker in the world today

i think we need a cetacean here

kalisto tries running the ropes, apollo just standing dropkicks him in the face

kalisto gets some offence, tries to run the ropes again, gets stopped with an enzuigiri

dude

stop trying that

apollo goes for a muscle buster, kalisto counters for a near-fall, titus screams at apollo to sic 'em, distracts him enough for a salida del sol

haven't seen that in a while

mostly because kalisto hasn't been allowed to win things

apollo looks stunned and hurt, titus shouts at him, end segment

up next, crazy vs irish

the eternal dilemma

the hardyz are both wearing solid green tonight, and it's an odd choice

matt does his delete arm on the turnbuckle, jeff does a super half-hearted one

now that he's wearing more and his beard's grown, sheamus's entrance has changed from 'angelic ascension' to 'nuclear hobo'

i'm still totally in the kkb corner for this, though

sheamus' strategy for this match appears to just be hitting matt in the face a lot

see how many teeth he can claim

matt chases sheamus out of the ring, is immediately shown why this was a bad plan as sheamus smacks him back-first into the apron

sheamus starts the ten beats of the bodhrán, stops after two when it becomes apparent that the crowd want to count along and just tackles him off the apron into the barricade instead

i love smart heel moves like that

matt mashes sheamus' face into all the turnbuckles, i'm guessing that may have been a thing in tna from the volume of the delete chants

cut to ads as cole tries and fails to say the phrase 'pick the stipulation'

sheamus gets a near-fall off white noise, the crowd think he's an obsolete mule

and jeff distracts him while matt gets a tornado ddt

sheamus gets the offence again, matt hits side effect out of nowhere

does the whole delete setup for a twist of fate, sheamus counters into a big knee to the face, the nearest of falls before matt gets the bottom rope

grand rapids think this is awesome, and they're kind of right

cesaro looms toward the action, jeff takes him out, sheamus kicks jeff in the back, matt takes the distraction for a twist of fate for the win

and now here's charly to ask matt and jeff what the thing will be

ooh, cage match

that is not the way i saw this going

but i could still see that working

and now we get the bit where the announce team recap the opening segment of this episode

go get a drink or something

dramatic advert for the main event, ahppening in like half an hour

cut for ads, and we're back with the cruiserweights

nese/aries, with the goblin king of newcastle lurking in nese's corner

one day my dream will come true of a neville promo where the crowd interrupt after every sentence by shouting PET

until then, i'll just have to do it in my head

apparently the aries/neville title match at extreme rules is going to be a submission match

i mean, they both use submission finishers, so not that strange

austin gets nese in a weird headlock/heelhook thing while staring daggers at neville

neville's procured an office chair to just lurk at ringside because the announce table isn't there any more, and i always find that kind of hilarious

and...cm punk chants?

cmon guys, if chicago could get through like all of takeover and backlash without doing that, you can use some self-control

austin goes for an elbow off the top rope, nese catches him with an elbow to the face in midair

then goes for a vertical suplex, which austin converts into a guillotine choke

nese tries to facebuster him out of it, which just lets austin bounce over into the last chancery for the tap

some lovely transitions there

austin walks off as him and neville glare at each other

and neville smacks nese's face into the canvas and puts him in the rings of saturn because fuck you

austin just kind of golf claps as he keeps walking up the ramp, like nice job that's going very well for you

but now we have alexa/mickie

mickie has redesigned gear that looks even more like off-brand star sapphire cosplay

graphic for the extreme rules women's title match

kendo stick on a pole

christ

mickie gets alexa in a waistlock, alexa makes it to the ropes and tells the ref to get her off, except i totally hear it as just BUGGER OFF

mickie is currently just stomping all over alexa, which is weird

near-fall, only one person does the 2 sweet thing

fair enough, grand rapids, you're let off for doing the cm punk chant

alexa just goes fuck it and punches mickie in the face really hard

and ddt for the pin

has alexa somehow inherited show's magic fist?

and/or jake the snake's ability to get a pin off a straight ddt

alexa lingers at ringside with a face like thunder, and then it only takes her two tries to find the kendo stick

hits mickie once, bayley runs in

knocks alexa down, gets the shinai, looms threateningly while alexa runs away like she does so well

dramatic slow-mo of alexa hitting mickie with the kendo stick, mostly just serving to highlight how badly mickie mistimed selling it

but next it's main event time

after an ad for 205

which we'll wyatt cut through anyway, because bray doesn't give a shit

recap video of bray fucking over everyone around him

i wonder how this tag match will go

seriously, somebody discipline the tech guy

seth's music drops, gets through a few bars before turning into joe's entrance because he's the one who's actually coming in

wrong tron and everything

and *here's* seth

bray's just standing on one turnbuckle grinning at seth and roman as they come in

bray's another one of those solid gold background actors

talking about the contendership match, booker seems convinced it's an elimination match

long awkward start as both seth and roman refuse to get out of the ring

eventually roman does, and seth just explodes on both the heels

goes poorly, as joe distracts him while bray throws him into the barricade

dramatic tag to roman, kicks bray in the face into a samoan drop, grand rapids don't give a shit

bray distracts him with the spiderwalk thing again, joe blindsides him, bray blind-blindsides him

cut backstage to kurt standing off to one side of a television showing the match and watching it in three-quarters profile, like humans do

i'm guessing that's actually a really small room and they couldn't decided on how to make the perspective work

joe does his corner enzuigiri to roman, the announcers freak out like that's even his physics-glitchiest move

bray runs through roman and then takes a moment to hug the ring post

and then puts roman in a chinlock for ages, which would have been boring if bray wasn't doing a whole narrative with his face

naturally,that narrative was dhalgren or some shit, but that's what you get when your stories come from the faces of men possessed by the devil's relatives

bray distracts the ref while joe attacks roman, joe rolls a natural 1 and gets immediately whipped into the barricade and driven-by

(it took me far too long to work out what that past participle should be)

dramatic double tag, seth just unloads on everyone

springboard crossbody, blockbuster, plancha, sling blade, suicide dive

fuck you i'm seth rollins

goes back to the top, bray distracts him long enough for joe to punch him in the head

bray and joe very slowly set up a double superplex

which seth manages to reverse into crossbodying both of them

fair enough

joe fights back, bray goes for sister abigail, roman gets involved and throws bray out, goes for joe who dodges and lets roman superman punch seth

seth shouts at roman like what the fuck dude until bray pulls roman out of the ring and joe coquina clutches seth into unconsciousness

well, that wasn't the ending to the match i saw coming

but is anyone honestly surprised by this

i don't think i've ever correctly called a match in a promotion that exists outside of my head

#extremefantasybooking strikes again

bray and joe square off, and we pan out to kurt watching through non-euclidean geometries

finn turns up to be like the fuck kurt why didn't i get in this

so next week, double main event

finn/bray/joe and seth/roman

and we end on kurt literally saying "Damn, I'm a great GM."

i do love his sheer guilelessness running the show

but yes

that was raw, and it was not shit, which is something of a turn-up

smackdown will follow, after our feature presentation: Six Hours of Sarcastic Cicadas!

---------------------

Okay, so that was more like 23 hours, but I think it was worth playing four times

Such good times

Such memorable quotes

"'Chirp'."

i have ordered merch

I am a newly committed member of the SHoSC fandom

but for another example of things I enjoy, consider exhibit B: SATURDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN!

(yes, i am missing doctor who for this)

let's see how this show goes in this brave new post-jinder world where literally anything could happen

i wonder if he's developed any new magical powers we should be told about, like TELEPORTING OUT OF A FUCKING FRIDGE

we open on a video package of the fans being pissed at jinder becoming champion and a bunch of press outlets being like wut

we're in toledo tonight

where the counterfeit american steel comes from

apparently later jinder holds his 'punjabi celebration'

but first, the announce team are interrupted by the sirens of a police escort to a motorcade

the singhs get out of one humvee and roll out a lovely carpet, jinder gets out of his white maharajamobile to scowl and show off his belt

usa chants, because fucking america

but here comes the money

presumably carried by shane

i wonder if this song is just because shane is always carrying his wallet in that cheap jacket

he's wearing white nikes

the fuck is that, shane

mitb briefcase hanging above the ring already

it's kind of bold to assume nobody will steal it in the next four weeks

i'm betting jinder

shane references jinder, the crowd react like he dropkicked a puppy

apparently randy has "instituted" his rematch clause

at mitb, which is in st louis, so randy's fucked

which i am happy with

but now let's talk about the actual briefcase match

and he's just straight-off introducing us to the participants

five of them this time

first off, here's aj

turns out they do want some, as long as it's some briefcases

and baron

how would you carry that case on a motorbike

now sami, and the image of him skanking with a bright blue briefcase fills me with joy

and dolph, who doesn't give a shit

and here's kevin, after a weirdly long beat

shane's like what is this kill the music kevin you were not invited

but this man is

it's shinsuke, surprising literally nobody

oh, apparently daniel was surprised

he had money on james ellsworth

this is why i never take his betting tips

shinsuke glides past kevin on the ramp like fuck youuuuuuuuu i'm awesome

if you want my call for the briefcase, i'm going baron or sami

but as we know, i may be even worse than daniel when it comes to predicting matches

shinsuke still gets to do his long-ass entrance while the other five guys stand around awkwardly

shane starts talking again, kevin immediately interrupts like excuse me mr commissioner but this is bullshit

dolph, baron and aj lost at backlash, unlike SOMEONE I COULD NAME

starts a promo on shane's weird favouritism giving the lie to smackdown's alleged meritocracy

that, or shane's just jealous of him cos he beat aj

shane reacts like hmmm yes you have some solid points

and puts him in the match?

well that was easy

if you want the match, just shout at shane for like 30 seconds

baron cuts a promo about how everyone else ain't shit, but is sadly betrayed by his mic

aj cuts in to tell us all some more about his house

and an extended three little pigs metaphor

calls kevin eric cartman, the crowd love it

feel like that one's going to stick

calls them all out, but calls shinsuke a rockstar while doing so, and he just smirks like why thank you yes i am

sami starts talking about his climb to glory, baron cuts back across him

with an american football film reference i don't entirely get

sami's like oh ok tell me more about how i KICKED YOU IN THE FACE

kevin tells sami to shut up, dolph tells him to shut up like hey guys remember when i won this briefcase before

do you really need another one, dolph

how many documents do you carry to work with your hoodie and wrist tape

shinsuke takes his mic, lets the crowd stew a bit

as he does so well

then basically introduces himself and says he's going to win, cue the massive pop that he can get off saying literally anything

shane cuts in like right guys let's actually do a show

baron/sami later on, kevin/baron v styles/nakamura for the main event

which should be fucking gold

an aj/shinsuke team sounds just amazing

but now it's women's time

nattie and carmella already in the ring

vs charlotte, who's stolen billie kay's black feather look, and becky

naomi, tamina and ellsworth are also here, because why not have the whole division in one room, it saves us having to do booking

one of the facts in charlotte's sidebar is literally just "The Queen of WWE"

[citation needed]

becky's got a new sleeveless trenchcoat thing that i like a lot

and her hair's calmed down since backlash, so i'm not so intimidated

carmella's still in solid red, which i'm still not convinced by

becky headlocks her, noogies her on top of that because giggles

and we cut this match into a quarter screen to play an advert break

is this how we're doing things now?

seems like

so if you like tiny silent wrestling while adverts happen, do i have the video for you

but to be fair, it's an ad break, so it's just the heels beating on becky

this is really weird and it's super hard to concentrate

and we're back in the room

i don't get it

becky keeps going for the big hot tag, nattie is keeping her off it

until now

charlotte tags in and cleans house

goes to the top rope, tamina tries to knock her off, naomi takes her out

becky tags back in and dropkicks the fuck out of nattie

she tags carmella, who tries to get to james, until naomi takes him out too, disarmher for the win

end thing

and let's have a graphic for jinder's punjabi celebration

but up next, corbin/zayn again

and that is now

and it lasts like 20 seconds before sami gets a rollup pin

outstanding

naturally, baron reacts by beating the piss out of him, but that's kind of an occupational hazard

baron throws him into the timekeeper's area and then just smacks him with a chair

and then resumes the piss-beating among the crowd

throws him headfirst into some stairs, hoists him over his shoulder, then drops him on a barricade

baron's needed some hardcore time lately, so this is good

goes to leave, then decides he'd rather punch him in the head on the barricade a bunch

some refs finally materialise to shout him off

it's like handling a wayward bear

baron corbin is probably more scared of you than you are of him

here comes the stretcher and the deeply questionable medics

and let's just cut straight to a graphic for the main event

idiosyncratic smackdown editing, take a shot

but next, fashion files: the final file?

(god, i hope not)

(but luckily, the standard rule about question marks in headlines applies)

but now let's have recap videos of sami getting turned to paté

and now, aj approaches his old friend shinsuke in the locker room

to be like welcome to my dojo

shinsuke's like i'm working with you tonight but i will cheerfully fuck you over at mitb just sayin and walks off

but now it's fashion files time

*tonk tonk*

they've been called into the commissioner's office

unfortunately, the commissioner in this case is shane, who has no clue what's going on

he's like guys you are not actually cops did you know this

which results in them having an existential crisis

they start giving him all their stuff

shane's like guys sort yourselves out you complete weirdos you have singles matches against the usos

so they take their stuff back, cheer up, and fandango takes one of shane's doughnuts but leaves him with a water pistol

i could type literally anything here and you'd have no reason to doubt it

cut to techs preparing the ring for the punjabi celebration

cut for ads, and now lights are down and we have indian drumming

someone starts singing in punjabi, lights come up, we have like nine guys doing proper indian dancing with staffs and stuff

enter the singhs, with indian-style jericho scarfs and less awful shirts than usual

this is actually pretty cool, because they've all committed to it

the dancers line the ramp as the maharaja enters

he has new graphics, and he's stolen the miz's red carpet thing

finally reaches the ring, and it's decorated with garlands and stuff

dancers surround the ring, still givng it some

jbl is very impressed, which is weird given its non-americanness

but i guess heels gonna heel

after a very long intro, jinder might actually talk

this is like a fucking olympic opening ceremony

jbl's like what the fuck is wrong with all these people booing, and to my shame i agree with him

jinder's just like fuck you all i'm the dude

and also you guys are all super racist

even jinder's throat is currently against him

sunil, samir, someone get him a drink

does a thing about randy being in decline, which is kind of objectively true

and he's like hey guys i know you guys don't like this celebration but guess what i don't give a shit

because i'm here for my people

now let me do a thing in punjabi

he does so

usa chants try and drown him out, because fucking america

he finishes, have some pyro

jesus, that was more pyro than seemed reasonable

fun fact: jinder mahal is canadian

(note: yes, heritage is a thing, but i just find that kind of funny)

here's a hype graphic for the main event, but now, have some more trash jazz in this lana video

still coming soon

and now it's time for tag team but not action

jey/tyler first

day one is still h, apparently

even when it's a singles match, tyler gets the breezango music

tyler has all his stuff in a box still for some reason

tom casually drops a treasure of the sierra madre reference into conversation, retains nerd cred

bell rings, jey takes a mic to talk shit at tyler

so fandango squirts him with a water pistol and tyler gets a distraction pin

and now straight on to fandango/jimmy

tyler puts on a grey wig out of his box, taunts jey with some handcuffs, they run around the ring a few times, fandango pins jimmy off the distraction

the actual fuck just happened

that's not a question, it's a statement

that which just happened was the actual fuck

fandango tries to taunt them, his mic is also dead

so tyler fixes it

they want a title rematch again

fandango threateningly gyrates at them

the usos are like fuck it let's do it live

the ref gets a message from backstage, and the match is official

so yes, now we have a tag title match now

and we're doing the tiny screen/cars 3 trailer thing again

tiny picture of the usos beating on tyler

and we're finally back

yeah, tyler is just getting the piss beaten out of him

but then, it;s an ad break

that's how this works

dramatic double tag, fandango comes in on fire, spin kicks jey in the head like fuck you guys i'm actually a p great wrestler

nearfall off a ddt cmbination, jey goes for a falcon arrow but then just smacks fandango's head into the turnbuckle instead

double superkicks to both of them, jimmy goes for a superfly splash, fandango counters into a nearfall

goes to the top, gets punched in the head

jimmy blind tags in, fandango does the last dance on jey, but then jimmy superfly splashes him for the pin

nice finish

confirmed on reply, that was really nicely coordinated

so the usos retain, and i'm ok with this

but next it's main event time

and i realise i may have earlier said it's kevin/baron

it's not, it's kevin/dolph

but now, shane's on the phone to someone when nattie comes in to badger him for a title shot

until carmella, james and becky come in to tell him why they should have a shot

and tamina like you guys have all fucked up title shots, i haven't

side effect of never getting one

james claims this is because she's secretly in love with him

sure

and here's charlotte to tell everyone how they suck

shane finally cuts through the argument

next week, five-way contendership match for the title at mitb

and who knows, maybe after that this division can support two angles at the same time

advert for the 205 street fight, which i'm looking forward too

and a promo from kendrick and his overactive hands

fuck off, guy behind the announce table with your too sweet sign

back in the ring, we’ve already got three people in

and here's kevin

clearly we didn't have enough time in this show for shinsuke's full entrance twice

kicking off with aj/dolph, because let's save the big pops

weird for aj not to be the big pop on a team

styles/ziggler has just turned into a dropkick contest

double tag, the crowd is hype as fuck

kevin just shouts at aj and shinsuke about how they're both losers

so shinsuke kicks him in the face some

seems fair

goes for a kinshasa, kevin rolls out

cut for ads, come back to shinsuke infuriating kevin with his weird floppy thing

does good vibrations, which pisses kevin off enough to get the offence back

dolph tags in, kicks shinsuke in the knee and scrubs his face on the rope

his two weak spots

dolph does a weird sexual harassment neckbreaker, then into a chickenwing crossface, and it's all a little bit predatory

kevin tags, and as ever, only the heels get to be organised

they're really not putting shinsuke over as hard as i'd expected

but to be fair, i guess with this crowd reaction, he'll be over as fuck whatever happens

he could lose every week for a year and everyone would still think he was awesome

dolph's still wearing his neon design vest, and all i'm getting from it is that mike pence fucked a horse graphic

aj almost tags in, kevin knocks him off the apron and cannonballs shinsuke

cut for ads, and when we come back nakamura is still getting fucked on

kevin tags dolph back in, shouting for him to take his revenge

strike him down, young one

dolph gets punched in the face a bunch and bullfought into the post, shinsuke gets the dramatic tag

so aj punches everyone to death, ushigoroshi for the nearfall

and tom doesn't call it an ushigoroshi, probably cos he can't do it justice

aj sets up a styles clash, kevin distracts him long enough for dolph to hotshot him

kevin tags in, sentons aj on the floor, puts him up on the apron just so he can kick him off again

and then takes a break to taunt nakamura because he can

and throws aj into the ring to apply a master headlock

aj tries to run the ropes on kevin, he counters into a beautiful back body drop

it's like professional vaulting up in here

dolph tags in, weirdly caresses aj before headbutting him

slow-ass superplex setup, aj escapes but dolph catches him before he can tag

so aj just hits a vicious facebuster on him instead

maybe lead with that

and dramatic double tag, after which shinsuke has regained his flow

and proceeds to use his joints to destroy kevin's

nearfall until dolph gets involved

goes for a famouser, shinsuke dodges, goes for kinshasa, kevin interferes, aj peles him out of the ring, goes for a styles clash, dolph superkicks him out, shinsuke hits kinshasa on kevin for the pin

proper chaotic tag finish there

shinsuke dances around the ring while aj stands on the turnbuckle like dude we get it calm down

kid in the crowd with a violin, i love you

aj and shinsuke pose at each other some more, focus on the briefcase, end

no advert for talking smack, so i have no idea what that'll be about

and nor do you, because i haven't told you

unless you've already heard, what with it being like four days ago

*shakes fist at the spacetime continuum*

#WWE #WWE Raw #wwe smackdown #Wrestling

0 notes

amorremanet · 8 years ago

Text

in which still no one asked for this, but it made me feel a little better about how i have a shitty day ahead of me, and pete got to go second because i have blatant authorial favoritism for him but at least i admit it?

their blog url: itwasafineaffair

Pete would tell you how many different pretentious, increasingly ridiculous theatre kid URLs he considered before finally, “going back to basics” and settling on lyrics from Cabaret’s, “Mein Herr,” but then he’d probably have to kill you because it’s a very large, embarrassing number.

That said, he still has the URL ghostsonatas saved in case he ever gets bored of Sally Bowles and decides to break out the August Strindberg.

Also, here’s the Liza Minelli version of, “Mein Herr.” Don’t ask Pete who his favorite Sally Bowles is unless you’re willing to clear your schedule for the entire afternoon because he has a lot of Opinions about that question.

their blog title: “yes, princess, i am immensely happy. thank you.”

which really only makes sense when you see Sebastian’s blog title.

Pete’s blog title used to make sense, because it kept the “Mein Herr” theme: “i’ve always said that i was a rover.” At one point, it was, “du sollst mich nicht mehr sehen, mein herr” because he’d just gotten dumped and was being emotional about it all over his blog title to restrain himself from actually being a shit to his ex.

But then his Princess finally got on tumblr, so Pete matched his blog title to Seb’s.

He would probably try to insist on matching icons, too, but Seb doesn’t see the point and he only got a non-default icon when he left Pete alone with his laptop for a few minutes and Pete picked a selfie for him to use.

For his own part, Pete’s icon changes every couple months, and when the novel starts, Pete’s icon is bearded Chris Evans holding a puppy.

the original posts they make: puns. shitposts. snarky liveblogs of whatever happens to be on TV at the moment. complaining about his coworkers. sub-post complaining about Todd (who usually doesn’t get it). all but outright saying that he is complaining about Todd (who still usually doesn’t get it). “random brief observations or whatever happens to be on Pete’s mind right now.” pictures of Seb’s dogs and/or their sponsor’s cat. pictures of Seb and Margot (give or take a few others, but seriously, Pete isn’t that close to very many people, and he usually only features Todd’s face when he can’t get out of it).

the kind of posts they reblog: Pete’s sidebar will tell you, “this is a personal blog, which means that i post whatever the hell i want and you can react however you want, but i’ll still keep posting whatever i want because it is my personal blog.” But to get a better idea:

cute pictures from blogs with themes like, “butches cuddling kittens” and, “bears cuddling puppies” and so on.

theatre, generally, and especially musical theatre. there’s a lot of general appreciation and theatre kid blogging — I mean, he’s right there and ready to reblog those photos from the one production of Midsummer’s Night’s Dream where Puck and Oberon are really, really close, or photos from when Ben Whishaw played Dionysus in Bakkhai — but Pete also reblogs more serious criticism, theatre history, commentary on the social and political significance of theatre, and so on.

Sometimes, he gets in a Mood and will lecture you on the significance of musical theatre specifically, and if he’s especially Moody, he’ll break out his copy of DH Miller’s Place For Us: An Essay on the Broadway Musical and flap loudly at you about why musical theatre is really and truly a dyed in the wool LGBTQ art form and stop trying to heterosexualize musical theatre already, it’s gross.

(On any given day, there is like a 95% chance that he will be in this Mood because Todd said something ignorant about musical theatre being, “stereotypical” and didn’t really listen when Pete went, “No, stop talking, here is why you’re wrong, you dumb-ass hipster white boy fuck” at him, and Pete just has a lot of residual feelings to express.)

Seriously, in the novel’s timeline, the critical pushback of historians, cultural critics, et al. going, “Um, actually? There are some aspects of this that are troubling for these reasons and we should really be having a Discussion about this” at Lin Manuel Miranda and Hamilton hasn’t started to happen yet…… but when it does? Pete will be all over it. He will be so. excited.

He won’t even be anti-Hamilton as such (like, he enjoyed the bootleg he watched since he won’t be seeing it live because jesus shit, tickets are expensive, but he also wouldn’t actually ask Seb to please use his parents’ connections to somehow find them Hamilton tickets or anything, because ehhhh, that sounds like a lot of work for a payoff that wouldn’t be worth it). Pete just loves it when people take musical theatre seriously as an art form and talk about it like that. It makes him so happy, he could just start crying.

politics or current events, sometimes. there aren’t really very many discernible trends in what he reblogs or doesn’t, on that front, beyond, “well, gay things and LGBTQ stuff more generally make pretty regular appearances” and, “Pete has tags specifically for, ‘disgruntled filipinx blogging’ and, ‘disgruntled biracial blogging.’”

fashion photography and fashion stuff generally, though:

1. it’s mostly for reference in his theatre things. Like, he does sort of enjoy the fashion stuff itself, and he has definitely reblogged some fashion things because he didn’t care about the clothes or the photography but thought the male models were gorgeous…… but even though he doesn’t usually work in costume design, Pete finds fashion stuff productively inspiring;

and 2. this happens a loooot less after February 2014, because that was when he got back from rehab (which his Mama insisted on because it was what Sebastian and Todd both did, even though Pete had already done his homework about outpatient options that didn’t involve going to Middle Of Nowhere, Minnesota, and he liked those ideas a lot better…… but he needed his Mama’s help to pay for any option, and she went, “inpatient rehab first, it’s definitely going to be better for you” and she genuinely believed that, so Pete cooperated)

Which was a big deal wrt Pete’s periodic fashion-blogging because one of the most important things that Pete got out of rehab was the one-on-one session where one of his the therapists said, “Peter, has anyone ever suggested that you might have an eating disorder?”

—which started as a, “face-crack of the century, wait what, what in the shit even are you talking about, of course they haven’t because I don’t have one…… right?” moment and eventually shifted his whole view of everything around and made him go, “holy shit, this explains so much” — and a lot of his initial resistance came out of how he’d never crashed and burned quite so obviously as people tend to think of when they hear the phrase, “eating disorder,” but still. that made so much sense out of so many things for him.

It also made him look more closely at his periodic fashion-blogging and go, “Oh. Some of this is definitely an exercise in self-abuse for me. I should maybe do that less and, like. Keep a better eye on that. And…… okay, wow, what the fuck even is my life, I really, really wish Mama had let me do the outpatient thing instead because holy shit, if they’d suggested that, I could go cling at Bastian right now instead of having to process this on my own with a bunch of nosy other patients sticking their faces into my business, like shit I appreciate the concern from most of them but I want to be with my best friend right now.”

(Pete got his clinging later, when he got back. And he unwittingly made Seb kick one of his slips off the wagon, because he’d spent almost a week coasting by on his ability to fake sobriety while telling himself things like, “okay, if I just moderately abuse my substances of choice, everything will totally work out fine”… but then Pete came home with the, “So, the shrinks in rehab said I have an eating disorder, and it makes sense and all, and I’m fucking terrified” news and Seb went, “okay no, that’s not going to work, Pete needs me to be there for him more than I want to be intoxicated”)

music. there isn’t a lot of rhyme or reason to what he’ll reblog, when, or why, because Pete will listen to almost anything.

One anecdote is that he hadn’t really had much exposure to Nicki Minaj, outside of, “Super Bass” and her verse in, “Monster,” until he deliberately went looking for Nicki stuff on tumblr because Todd, in his perpetually obnoxious hipster-ness, was trying to avoid her entirely because she was, “undeniably talented, but too mainstream.”

So, Pete wanted to annoy Todd and give him a huge middle finger for that shit because on one hand, yeah, uh huh. Way to say that about a black woman artist while actually paying (Bastian’s parents’) money to buy the Glee soundtrack legally, as if that is somehow LESS mainstream than Nicki Minaj, are you SERIOUS.

Also, Todd? YOU OWN MULTIPLE ALBUMS BY MAROON 5. STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW “ANTI-MAINSTREAM” YOU THINK YOU ARE BECAUSE YOU WEAR FLANNEL AND BUDDY HOLLY GLASSES AND YOUR ALLEGED “FILMS” MAKE NO SENSE.

And on the other, oh my god, shut up, you obnoxious fucking hipster, everybody already fucking gets it: you want to be original and edgy and insightful and cool, and you overcompensate because, on some level, you KNOW that you are none of these things, and you are an insecure little white boy who can’t deal with how ~*mainstream*~ more than a handful of his interests actually are, now shut up shut up shut up shut upppppppp.

Clearly, the best way to make this point to Todd was to loudly, insistently support Nicki Minaj and put her on Todd’s dash whenever possible.

That didn’t exactly work out as well as Pete wanted it to because Todd singularly failed to get the point (or maybe he did but just committed himself to acting like he didn’t, Pete’s not sure).

But on the other hand, Pete actually listened to more of Nicki’s music than, “Super Bass” and her verse in, “Monster” while doing this, and that’s the story of how Pete came to fanboy Nicki Minaj.

Chris Evans. A lot of Chris Evans. Not quite, “more Chris Evans than your body has room for,” but say, like…… two steps down from a lethal dose of Chris Evans.

Not that Pete neglects the rest of the MCU, exactly, but he’s like 80% there for Chris Evans, 10% there for Anthony Mackie, 5% there for Sebastian Stan, 3% there for Mark Ruffalo, and 2% there for literally everything else. And it shows. Because he really blatantly favors Chris Evans.

These numbers will change somewhat when CACW actually happens in-character, because Chadwick Boseman. But Pete’s number one will still be Chris Evans.

Tangentially: Please do not ask Pete if he prefers CEvans shaven or bearded. Just don’t.

Don’t do it because his answer will be, “I prefer Chris Evans right here, right now, with his tongue in my mouth and his hand on my ass” and he will think this is clever every. single. fucking. time.

Don’t talk to him about Tom Hiddleston, either. But……… you should avoid doing this for very different reasons.

Like, without any external influence, Pete’s opinion of Tom Hiddleston would just be, “meh *shrugs* whatever, like I haven’t seen a million sad puppy-eyed weird-but-pretty edgelord white bad boys before. Like I don’t have a cute but troubled pretty white boy with big sad Bambi eyes for a best friend. Okay, he’s talented, but ugggggggh, I’m BORED”

—but see, Todd kind of has a Thing for Tom Hiddleston. Todd kind of loves Tom Hiddleston.

Which makes Pete determined to really not love Tom Hiddleston, literally just to annoy and spite Todd for, “having terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, boring as shit taste — my Princess excluded.”

So, uh. Don’t do that. (Trying to talk to him about RDJ isn’t advised against, but only because Pete will just ignore it and pretend he has no idea who that is.)

Oh, also, don’t expect Pete to care that the MCU and the XMCU are separate entities, or care that the canon of the XMCU can be a complete cluster-fuck, or give a fuck that all of the different Spiderman movies are not necessarily related to each other.

Don’t expect him to give a fuck about any of this because he thinks it’s way more entertaining to try and shove all of them into the same universe, just like you’d do with the actual comics.

Also, he has learned that he can get his cousin Emerson, Emerson’s weird nerd-bro friends, and Todd wound up really easily and make them do stupid things by feigning like he has no idea that Chris Evans and James McAvoy will not ever cross paths in a Marvel movie because of dumb copyright reasons, wondering why Hugh Jackman’s name isn’t on the cast list for Age of Ultron

and saying things like, “You know what would be the best possible thing for Thor: Ragnarok? At the midpoint, Sir Ian McKellan makes a grand entrance from behind some random curtains that weren’t there five minutes ago, purple cape billowing behind him, and Magneto punches Loki in the face. Boom, Ragnarok averted. They fill the rest of the movie’s runtime with Chris Evans taking me to dinner and a movie within a movie, it’d be totally meta, right? :D”

Yeah, Pete is also that person who would go to ComicCon in a “totally brilliant cosplay” as, “the World’s #1 S*tucky Shipper,” get super-method about his real-time LARPing as The World’s #1 S*tucky Shipper (but like, using actual method-acting, not, “Jared Leto sends giant health hazards to, harasses, and is otherwise horrible to his costars because lawl method” method-acting), and use it to satirize and take the piss out of both really OTT shippers and the people who act like shippers are Ruining Every Forever because they want to ship.

He’d also tell a nerd-bro that his favorite Gandalf quote is, “Do or do not, there is no try” but his second favorite Gandalf quote is, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one,” and point to a picture of Michael Gambon’s Dumbledore and identify him as Gandalf while identifying a picture of the Fourth Doctor as Dumbledore, all just to annoy the nerd-bro, then yawn and saunter away while the nerd-bro has an angry meltdown.

Someday, Pete is going to troll the wrong person (again) and it will get him into really deep shit (again) that he won’t be able to wriggle out of by being charming and witty (like he usually does when he gets himself into these situations), but his take on this is, “Hey, as long as I don’t unwittingly troll a super-villain, it’s not actually that bad. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen.”

(Seb would point of that that’s exactly what he said before getting shocked into three major heart attacks by another mutant, which in turn triggered his first transformation into a nine-foot-tall wolf-man? And that he has said it in many, many other situations that immediately went from Bad to Worse to Shitty to Excremental to “the motherfucking shit-pits that trailed down from the hill of Golgotha” because saying things like, “what’s the worst that could happen” and, “what could possibly go wrong” is seriously tempting fate to kick your ass — but he will also admit that Pete has better luck on this front than he does, and that Pete has better coping skills, and that Peter Paolo Matthew Arden just has his shit more together than Seb does in general, so he’s somewhat less likely to end up in Golgotha levels of shit from this.)

(But, please, Pete? He would really, really, really like it if you could please act like you care whether or not you get into a mountain of shit from tempting fate by trolling people so liberally, like. Please. Pretty please. He loves you so much and knows that he can’t protect you from the ups and downs of life itself, but you’ve already had so much bad shit happen to you that Seb wants to keep you safe from as much unnecessary bad shit as possible, and…… please? (⊙︿⊙) )

cat pictures. dog pictures. wolf pictures. guinea pig pictures. iguana pictures. giraffe pictures. if there is a cute animal out there, being cute, it has a place on Pete’s blog. especially if he can find an excuse to tag Seb in them and go, “it you” (which he mostly limits to cats and, after Seb trips and falls into mutant werewolf superpowers, wolves — but he’s also gone, “it you” on pictures of lizards, sharks, lions [specifically, the “do lions blep” post], giraffes sticking out their weird blue tongues, tapirs, and pugs wearing sunglasses shaped like flowers).

Pete watched a bit of Community because Seb seemed really into it, and he thought it was okay, not enough to really reblog it that much but okay — but he definitely reblogged a gifset of Troy going, “awww, I wanna lick it” over a puppy from “Cooperative Calligraphy,” specifically so he could tag Seb and go, “awww, Princess, it you.”

In fairness, Seb deserves that and totally agrees that he deserves it because sometimes, he needs a chaperone when he goes to the local ASPCA shelter, or he might well try to adopt all of the dogs. Which Pete finds adorable in theory, and really endearing from his Princess…… but also, Seb? You have six babies already. You would have seven if you hadn’t lost Chewie at the end of April, assuming that you still adopted Cat without losing Chewie. Cool it. Chill. You do not need more dogs right now.

Pete has also been known to go, “awww, Princess, it us” on photosets of cats and dogs cuddling with each other, and “it me” on pictures of pugs embracing wine mom culture

(the latter of which, in retrospect, he kind of regrets doing. Like, he more or less stands by it, but it made Seb get Worried about him and go, “Are you okay? Do you need to talk? Because you were just getting on my ass about not making self-deprecating jokes about sobriety because it worries you, but now it kinda looks like you’re doing the exact same thing, and I’m just?? Should I be concerned, Pete? Do you want to talk about something? Are you okay??? I love you, you’re important to me, I can talk if you want to” which was not what Pete intended at all.

Like, on one hand, he hates making his best friend worry about him because if you ask Pete, it’s only natural for them to worry about each other, but both of them also need to work on worrying about themselves a bit more effectively. Because precedent says that both of them sort of suck at it, probably especially when they think that they’re doing okay with it.

On the other, he hates making Seb worry because Pete is still working on getting used to the feeling of someone caring about you. Like, even with Seb, who’s done things for him like blow off an entire weekend of shit to get down to Yonkers from Poughkeepsie and come out to Pete’s undergrad after he’d had a really messy breakup that caused a wave of drama in his entire friend-group, because Pete went to a small liberal arts school full of theatre kids (even among people who weren’t in the theatre program), and the gossip mill was ridiculous, and everything was a fucking disaster…

…so, Seb lied to his prep school teachers about a vaguely defined, “family emergency,” lied to his grandparents about not having any classes on Friday for some contrived reason to get them to give him a ride to the Metro-North station in Poughkeepsie, booked it down to Yonkers, and spent a three-day weekend with Pete.

Eventually, his grandparents found out what was going on, because Seb called his Mom that afternoon to go, “Hey, jsyk, I’m in Bronxville with Pete earlier than we’d planned this weekend, I’m probably going to use the credit card in the City tonight, we’ll be safe and stuff, but his ex-boyfriend’s a jerk and it’s screwing things up with all his friends too and he’s really upset and he needed somebody to be there with him who’s not involved in any of it” — but by that point, he and Pete had already had their three-day weekend, so it was just kinda whatever.

But, yeah. Like, Seb’s done stuff like that for Pete since they first really started getting to know each other, but unfortunately, Pete’s father and older brother are people who exist. And some of Pete’s dickbag ex-boyfriends are also people who exist. And between all of them, Pete’s wound up having a hard time with the concept of people genuinely caring about him, and even with Seb, he can bristle and go, “No, stop, this doesn’t make sense, why are you doing this, ‘caring about me as a person thing’”

And on the dorsal fin, Pete doesn’t like making Seb worry about him too much because when he’s at his best, Sebastian is a loving, generous, selfless person who is an amazing friend and cares about people for their own benefit even if he isn’t their friend…

but this is not an ideal world, and under all of that, Seb also has a problem where he over-relies on other people for a sense of stability and a sense of who the Hell he even is (the TL;DR of why is, “untreated clinical depression and some of the longterm side-effects thereof”)

and when things go wrong for the people Seb loves, things can start going wrong for Seb himself in short order, because he worries about them, feels their pain a bit too intensely (but not outside the human average enough to make it mutant-level empathy), and generally turns the volume on his human disaster-ness up to eleven.

Like, in the past year-and-a-half, Seb’s had ten separate stumbles off the wagon, and four of them started in close proximity to Something Bad happening to someone he loves — e.g., his Dad had a routine arthroscopic surgery, which went well enough on its own, but Abe had a bad post-op reaction to the anesthesia, and Marceline told her other three kids to basically tell Seb enough to keep him in the loop, but don’t get specific because he’ll worry. Unfortunately, this left Seb with a lot of questions, which made him worry, which made him feel helpless and miserable and scared…

……and then he dropped off the radar for thirty-six hours and when Todd went to his place to check on him, he found Seb coming down from being strung out on Percocet. And, like, okay, on the plus? Seb hadn’t taken all of what he’d gotten his hands on and had flushed the rest before Todd had even gotten there…… but he’d still been really strung out, and he was less than entirely enjoyable to be around while coming down (like, Todd called Nick, Seb’s sponsor, for him, and Seb spent most of their call groaning when Todd said something that was true but that Seb didn’t like him saying)

……and Pete got to see this when Todd called him, going, “Hey, it’s cool if you can’t, since I know you, like, just got back from your Mom-mandated rehab visit a couple weeks ago, but…… uh. Seb hasn’t eaten lately because he got strung out and forgot about it, and I’m not allowed to use his kitchen because he likes it un-exploded, and I don’t want him to be alone, so, like? Can you maybe come over here and cook something? Or take his credit card and get take-out? Or if not, just say so and I’ll try calling Margot again, but…… pleeeeease?”

So, yeah, uh. Pete would really like to not be the cause for that sort of thing, because he doesn’t want to do that to his Princess — especially since you can sometimes get Seb to not totally lose his head about things, and in fairness, he is slowly getting better, but he’s also a stubborn jackass about calming down [which Pete can’t actually judge him for, since Pete is arguably even worse on the, “stubborn jackass” front sometimes, but still] — and also because it would really fuck Pete’s mental health up for Seb to go off the rails. Partly because Seb would be off the rails, and partly because Pete would feel guilty about it.

So, yeah. Long story short, Pete has a lot of feelings about why he regrets going, “it me” on the picture of the pug embracing wine mom culture.)

Golden Girls anything. He’s only even seen a few episodes of it, but he loves it anyway. He has often gone, “Princess, it us” on posts that featured both Blanche and Dorothy, but no one’s really sure if he’s Dorothy and Seb is Blanche, or if it’s the other way around. Pete isn’t even sure, but he’d probably tell you that it depends on the post.

In his defense, both he and Seb have responded to, “better late than [blank]” with the answer, “pregnant!” before, and generally, they both have decent claim to either role.

Seb personally feels like he’s probably more like Rose, but Pete refuses to let him be Rose. Todd is Rose. Todd has to be Rose because as much as Pete likes Betty White, he’s not actually that fond of Rose, and views her in much the same way that he views Todd: they’re kiiiiind of cute sometimes when they aren’t trying too hard and they bring something to the group that Pete would miss if it went away…… but they can also be really fucking nerve-grating, whoops.

Also, Seb isn’t allowed to be Blanche for her, “I looooove a tight man! A tight man with cast-iron pecs… thighs that could choke a bear… butt you could eat breakfast off of… hnnnnnnnnnngh” line

For one thing, Seb isn’t allowed to be Blanche for that line because he’s not discriminatory or anything with body type, but his favorite exes have all been at least a little bit chubby, so like… the exact opposite of a tight man.

For another thing, he can’t say the line right. He doesn’t suck at it or anything, but it’s just missing something. Probably conviction. Because Seb’s preference is not actually for a tight man and he’s putting less effort into the characterization than Pete is.

With anyone else, Seb would hold that he’s putting less effort into the characterization because it’s just supposed to be fun, but…… This is fun for Pete, so whatever. Do your Dramatic™ thing, Pete. Enjoy it.

the first person they followed: the lgbtlaughs blog

what kind of theme they’d have: light background, dark text, straightforward with easy navigation and space for a sidebar pic and links. Not too fancy, but clean and nice-looking.

what kind of text posts they make at 2am: “oh my god it is motherfucking tech week why are these idiots still calling LINE”

#that story with the mutants that i should find a working title for fml #pete arden: dramatic disaster #mine: writing #mine: shitposting #memes for ts #ocs tag #oc questions #tumblrisms #pete x seb #pete & todd #drugs ref// mental health issues ref// eating disorders ref// abuse ref// addiction ref//#brief passing mentions of pet death & medical/surgery things

0 notes