#this is a chunk of thoughts my word

[revelisms]

New WIP has me deep in the emotional whumpzone (per usual)—so even more Ghost headcanons: Angst Edition. Because why not ❤️‍🩹

CW: Family dysfunction, parentification, negative self-image, anger issues, relationship issues, grief. Also some heartwarming-ish moments? Sorta kinda? (;-;)b

Primo

Faced the harshest transition within the church as the first successor to the new Order, having to meet both the old clergy's expectations as well as the standards Nihil, as part of his bargaining, had been pressured to achieve.

Also saw first-hand much of the darker underbelly of the church (e.g., murders caused by the ghouls, corruption in the clergy, etc.), which he tried to shield the younger ones from witnessing. It's not all champagne and caviar in these halls—especially at the top.

Has had few consistent lovers in his life, but has loved them all deeply. Getting beneath his surface-level affections can be challenging, though. He has a kind, nurturing presence with most everyone, especially those he likes to have around—but as a partner, he can be protective to the point of patronizing. Very cautious, at times condescending, and ultimately fearful of ever losing someone again. Loves like a dragon guarding a horde of gold, and can get just as ugly for it.

Didn't want to have to step into the role of essentially father and mother for the boys, but he felt he had to. There's a hardness to him, for that, and a sense of young adulthood that he's lost; he feels ancient in a way that's difficult to explain, and always has. There's very little of him that feels youthful anymore.

His love for gardening runs deeper than most take it for. He's always been interested in healing magick and herbal remedies, and it's an older field of study he gravitated to in his earlier days. He's been on the cusp of too many tragedies to turn a blind eye to it, now, and so this is his way of doing something. He sees himself as too old, too frail, and frankly too booksmart to do so, otherwise; it's an underlying resentment of his, after watching too many ritual acts go wrong.

Having the Sight of clairsentience (aka: seeing into the minds of living things) has made him a bit of a chronic skeptic. He has lost his trust in most things; the few that he keeps to are the realms of possibility and self-determination: that what he sees in one moment does not have to be Truth, overall. But it hurts, being cursed to know what others truly think and would wish to do, even if they won't voice it. He tries to stay kind, despite that.

Secondo

He was always an angry child, and wrestles worse with his frustrations as an adult. His spite and his rage have fueled him; in many ways, Wrath has been the one constant of his life. But it has broken countless relationships in the process, and created a reputation that most siblings fear.

He's a very bitter, armored man—and, as a result, can be a bit of an ass—but he's aware of it. (Unlike someone else. Grumble grumble.)

Despite their theoretical closeness in age (I HC a bigger gap here), and quite a few shared emotional traits, he and Terzo couldn't be more polar opposite. Since Secondo was unwantedly looped into Primo's surrogate parental role once he got older, he took the brunt of this with Terzo, who was hell to manage. He has a lot of regrets over this, and puts silent blame on himself (in fairness, more than he should) for Terzo not getting the support or affection he should have when he was younger. Their relationship has always been strained from this.

Daddy issues out the wazoo—and it's translated into most relationships (work or otherwise) he's had with authority figures, since. He's a beast to deal with, when it comes to the clergy; most members of the cloth will toss him straight to Nihil before they have to even think of handling him (which is disastrous, in itself; he's inherited much of Sister's traits when it comes to bickering Nihil into place, and their All-Father can't stand it...but c'est la vie).

In short: Hell forbid you share a table with these two. Copia and Nihil's mess is tame, comparatively.

Genuinely one big tender-hearted teddy bear beneath it all, but few are given the privilege to see it. He's a very romantic man stuck in a complacent chain of disposability, and he's made his peace with that. He's certainly not an easy person to love; being in a relationship with him is a constant yo-yo of moods that can explode at the drop of a pen—but with the right balance, with someone who can ground him, he could rival the poets of old with his lavishness. Roses and wine and sweets for days. (And kisses. Satan, don't forget those.)

Having the Sight of retrospection (aka: seeing the the past) has been both the root of his fascinations with history and, ironically, his complete disgust of those who claim to study it (...which he is, but anyway). It's also led to some hard wounds due to Primo trying to safeguard him from the darker nature of the church as a child vs. the realities he was forced to bear witness to once gifted the Sight. It broke a lot of his security in the doctrines, and his trust in Primo. As a result, he views their eldest, above all, as a liar and has learned to take the guidance he shares with a grain of salt.

Terzo

Was a very rambunctious, escapist-driven child, and it has led into him being a flippant, snide, and at times callously individualistic adult. However, this battles with his desire to be valued by others—most of all, to help someone feel better in themselves. He's incredibly kind and soothing, when he wants to be.

The mix of priorities can be puzzling. As much as he can be selfish in one moment, he would roll out of bed at 2am to conduct a blessing for an insomnia-riddled sibling of sin, without question (which is...other WIP shh). This can make it hard to know where one stands with him, and whether any special treatment they've seemingly been given is all that special, after all.

Can be extremely petty for the spite of it, often through comments that cut to the bone, but almost as frequently in performances he knows will pull eyes. Nihil and Sister are often the joint instigators of this, and it tends to trickle down, unfairly, into his treatment of Copia—though he knows it shouldn't. He's not proud of this, and attempts to curb it when he can, but in many ways his temper is a mirror to Secondo's own; once something sets him off, he can become fiercely cold and hurtful. Getting on his bad side is a vile place to be.

Has, for lack of a better term, a tightly controlled persona: almost impeccably funny, sly, and suave, especially once he's ascended into the papacy (and been put on a tightwire of clerical demands). Few have seen the quiet, withdrawn, fidgety side of him. Few, he doubts, would want to.

At his most fundamental, he is heavily driven by a need to feel seen, accepted and loved—but he's repeatedly sabotaged it once it's been given. The siblings dubbed him a "loose kite" well before his Cardinal days: someone without a tether bound to land wherever (and with whomever) he wants. Most are aware that he's an egregious flirt, and little else, and have learned to never take his affections too seriously—and, to an extent, that's exactly what he wants. On the other hand, he's shot himself in the foot with this: a self-fulfilled prophecy of nothing ever panning out (and one he fears ever panning out at all, as much as he wants it).

Having the Sight of premonition (aka: seeing the future) has been dual-edged. He's seen the beauty of his own future, and of select others, countless paths over—and, just as wickedly, their demise. Countess potentials, countless lovers, countless beings, countless deaths. It has never been a source of peace, for him; he can only know with certainty what may occur once he has taken the first step onto a bounded path. Starting the route to his Papacy was his only confirmation that he was doomed to fail—but, for years, he knew little else.

The biggest splint in his Path, always, was Omega. Saints and demons, it was always Omega.

Copia

You could fill a jar with the things this man would nitpick about himself—and still, he would nitpick more—but he is nothing if not a source of reassurance for any who have known him: both in his bumbling Cardinal days, and in the slow-sewn confidence he's found in his senior roles. One of the sweetest, if sweetly awkward, souls one could meet—but give him any passing compliment, and he'll scrape it under his heel.

For all he craves true praise, hungers for it, he is so hesitant to believe it. He has never felt good enough in his own skin. Not for Primo's success, not for Secondo's intelligence, not for Terzo's confidence. Certainly not for the clergy's standards. And Sister—Mother—well. He's never quite known how to untangle the dreams she poured into him from his own.

Was effectively the black sheep of the family for much of his youth, despite receiving more affection from Sister—which, in retrospect, only added to the resentments. He had always been seen as an other, most harshly by Terzo, who felt that his ability to even have a relationship with his own mother was squashed by Copia devouring her attentions.

Losing them all made it easier, in some ways. It had to be done. (Hell, he misses them. He misses them so much.)

Loving him can be an overwhelming experience. As a partner, he goes overboard on the regular (often, humorously, with disastrous results). It's challenging sometimes for him to realize he doesn't need to perform, in this; that he can just be. He hadn't taken the best cues from Terzo, in that—but who else could he have looked up to, but Terzo: who was beautiful, and desired, and bright as a star?

There's a cruel irony in that. Terzo had never quite opened up to his little brother—but if he would have, Copia would have only known how much they had in common: how much of their black-sheeped image-loathed performance-pillared suffering they'd shared. (But the past is the past, now. Copia can't think on that, too long.)

Having a belatedly repaired relationship with Nihil and Sister has been complicated for him. There's an unspoken attempt at correction, for their (seemingly) final and "true" heir—attempting to be a better father, a better mother, to be a family. He'd never quite had that, in all those years before. A part of him loathes that only now he's being given it.

The Sight of clairvoyance (aka: seeing the Bridge between realms) is strange sort of blessing, in this. They're all with him, always. Through life and death, through all of it. And perhaps that's what he'd always been meant to be—a homestead for those lost souls to gather; to live free again, if for a moment. He finds comfort in that, much as he can.

[necrotic-nephilim]

hello, it's me again. so i saw you mention on my prompt how jason would be jealous of rose's healing factor when it comes to fucking kara and the jaycass you wrote and i thought why not combine them? in young justice jason and kara are part of the light and cass was in the shadows before defecting and joining the bats. what if she doesn't? childhood friends/lovers jaykara but kara becomes a red lantern after jason's death. after a while jason heals and goes on a mission with kara and they recognise each other. they cry, fight, fuck, all of that before breaking free of the light and run into cass. maybe cass and jason fucked a couple of times in the league to release some stress, and kara would be attracted to cass, so all three of them have a threesome inside a lazarus pit. just a cycle of fucking and breaking and dying and soul breaking healing. you can get really kinky with this too, like kara could ride jason to death, jason could fist cass until she needs the pit, cass could ride jason's face until he chokes on her juices, could even have kara bring a strap and her and jay could fuck cass at the same time (regular dp or anal dp) or peg jason until he can't walk. maybe they force kara to take a kryptonite shard up her pussy while jason fucks her and cass rides her face. technically the lazarus pit would boost their stamina every time they dip, and kara's a kryptonian, so they'd fuck for actual days or weeks. maybe they fuck so long they don't realise it until a team associated with the justice league walk in on them on a mission to rescue cass or something

HELLO YOU. YOU GET ME. it's my favorite thing EVER when the Laz Pit is utilized for a vicious cycle of fucking, dying, and fucking again. the altered mental state, the violent levels the sex can be taken to when dying no longer matter and longterm injuries aren't an issue... it lives in my brain.

i'll be honest, i don't know or care much about the Young Justice tv show so you'll have to forgive me for this being divorced from that world bc it's just. foreign as fuck to me so my apologies for that but as for the porn. (decided to put this headcanon/concept under a cut bc i feel like what could be considered snuff is probably a jumpscare for most ppl so. click at your own warning)

i just. i adore brutal dead dove sex that is destructive. like the whole "i want to crawl inside your chest" but it's *literal* and no one takes advantage of Laz Pits enough to do just that. like sex where you just physically can't hold yourself back from tearing open the flesh of the person you love bc you need to see their blood, you need to hold their heart in your greedy fist type shit. and if this is an AU where Jason and Kara were close but got separated by Jason ended up with the League, i do think their reunion could bring about just that. for once Kara isn't holding herself back and she's clawing at Jason's skin until he's bloody. i think it's fun if sometimes she just fucks him *in* the water bc it's quicker that way and Jason is constantly on this edge of death and rebirth at the same time. and with Cass in the mix too. JayCass you get me anon <3 Jason loves Kara still but it's clear he and Cass are a sort of package deal now and Kara might not know Cass well but if Jason loves her, she can trust that. so she gets to know Cass in the only way she cares about at the moment, pinning Cass down and fucking her. with a strap, with her own fist, anything that she can get inside of Cass to feel her body. maybe she pushes in too far and fucks Cass bloody until Csss needs the Pit sooner than even Jason did. and for Cass, who has no benchmark for real love but this dizzying feeling of being revived over and over, this is all she can ask for. devotion.

them suffocating on each other is so good- Kara doesn't care if Jason or Cass need to breathe, she cares about getting off and feeling whole again. she holds them down until their body gives out and forces them into the Pit again. maybe at some point she gets curious and holds one of them down facedown in the waters just to see if it's even possible to drown in the Lazarus Pit or not. she breaks bones just because she can and she wants to see what level of pain it takes for Cass to actually react to. how long it takes for a human body to bleed out. exploring their bodies means memorizing the limitations of them. it means she learns what them getting close to death looks like the same as getting close to an orgasm and whispers filthy dirty talk about how she can hear Jason's heart about to go out as he's trying desperately to come before he dies again. she counts how many minutes it takes before they die from lack of oxygen and compares who can last longer.

the Kryptonite shard is also enlightened- eventually Cass and Jason want to be the ones in control bc fair is fair and they deserve to do the same to Kara so they find some stash of Kryptonite and hold Kara down until it's deep inside of her and she's weak and in pain but still getting fucked. and she gets to taste the Lazarus Pit too, which i think would make her absolutely feral. Kara deserves some Pit rage for fun, i think even if she only gets to taste it while Cass is holding her down so Jason can fuck the Kryptonite deeper inside of her. every now and then Kara actually manages to strike one of them hard enough to injure them and it doesn't matter bc the Pit is right there.

all of it lasting for Days is just. good. like the haze the Pit has on the mind, being used over and over? almost like a spell none of them can break. they'd live the rest of their lives like this if they could and there would never even be a realistic end. it takes someone else walking in and managing to separate them before they actually calm down. and days before all the Lazarus Pit wears off and it finally sinks in just how fucked up what they did together was. and how fucked up it is that they don't even regret it. they're already trying to figure out where another Lazarus Pit is and how they can get control of it. i think it's fun if they spring it on each other too. like Jason will fall asleep in his bed but wake up to Cass and Kara holding his head under the green waters as he thrashes on instinct. Cass will be minding her business until Kara literally grabs her at superspeed and just flies her off to the waters to spread her legs and fuck her at superspeed until she's a bloody mess. they never know peace with each other and they irreparably damage their psyches over this. ty and gn.

[serpentface]

If you don't mind me asking, i saw your talk about food taboos and i wondered, what kinds of cusine do the different cultures have?

I've made two posts about this so far

[Broad Imperial Wardi]

[Highlands]

I don't mind this being asked at all and I love these questions (like seriously thank you guys so much), I'd just much rather give fully developed answers, which are contextually dependent on modes of subsistence, climate, environment, access to trade, etc, and kind of have to be done one at a time to produce a thoughtful answer (which is what's most helpful for me in worldbuilding). So I could answer about a specific culture or location but not really en-masse.

[bluebudgie]

So... what's up with these two?

(I love recycling old pictures.png)

You may or may not have seen me draw these rats repeatedly and you may or may not care what's up with them.

Well, in case you do... buckle up, we'll be here for a while.

Just in case: very vague ableism mention. I'm cutting down on pretty much all details, but just so you know the general topic comes up at some point. Don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

Unrelated disclaimer: words are difficult.

It's probably smart to start with a general character introduction so you get an idea of who you're dealing with.

So, Petthri.

(Shared most of this stuff about him before, now it's gathered in one place at least.)

The outgoing guy, grew up in a supportive family, always been the popular kid among peers, and later a pretty popular professor with his students (less so with some other colleagues, but hey). Very passionate about animal bioacoustics. Very hands-on when it comes to research and teaching. Infodumps a lot.

He's got his heart in the right place, but he's obviously not flawless. Has his thoughts constantly drifting in twelve different directions at once, can definitely not read the room, and has absolutely said and done things that hurt others just because he didn't think (and probably never realized). Likely to nervously laugh his way through most dangerous situations, but does manage to pull himself together and get things done if things turn really bad.

He got – at some point (precise date TBA, sometime around PoF events) – kidnapped by the Inquest because they wanted some of his research but didn't manage to sort through his mess. So they just took the entire man to the CoE and decided to keep him. Niche knowledge could always be useful after all. They were even kind enough to gift him an additional facial scar during the welcome interrogation! (The other one was a field trip accident). True hospitality.

Not sure if it's incredible optimism or naivety, but he's generally been doing alright during this whole prisoner situation. He's not locked up, they let him work on things he actually cares about (albeit not for the right cause), and overall he's had enough hope to believe he'll get out of there one day. Make the best out of the present, it'll be fine somehow.

I'm sure if you were to dig deep enough he'd find out he's actually less alright than he thinks he is. Oh well.

Let's talk about the other guy. Lahpp.

Me. I created you. (I've said barely anything about this man on here so far bc while I could fill the 20k essay with him alone, writing about him intimidates me lol. Also in case you're ever asking yourself this, no I did not realize his name sounds like 'lab' until weeks after I created him. Unfortunate coincidence. So, anyway...)

Obedient Inquest scientist, questions but doesn't oppose orders, has been doing the same work for the better part of the last two decades. Day in, day out, getting up early and staying up late. Somewhere in the middle of the pyramid scheme, he's definitely got a bunch of heads above him but he's nowhere near the bottom end of the chain. Got his own little lab space. Enjoys music theory in the little free time he allocates. Assertive, lets people know when not to bother him, but very polite nonetheless. Has mastered the art of superficial small talk. The guy who holds open doors and pulls your chair back for you with an acted but convincing smile. Truly employee of the month material.

He's never known anything but this perfectly ordered working drone life so he's fairly content with his current position.

....

Yeeaah you guessed there's more below the surface.

So this man's life started with being the subject of a failed genetic dragon magic experiment, first one in a handful of infants that actually lived, but ultimately he got nothing out of it but a fair share of various health conditions and disabilities. The initial project was dropped after a few years of surveillance with no results, and instead he got handed over to one of the medical departments so they could "at least make use of him" and test some cutting-edge medical tech. No wasting ressources, am I right? (:

Fastforward some years, a miserable childhood full of abuse and ableism (and by extension just as much of it internalized) essentially left him with the obsession of wanting to fit in with everyone else, wanting to be like everyone else, never having anyone find out anything about his conditions and his past. Worked his ass off in college so it wouldn't be apparent he struggled when others didn't. Created a work environment for himself that he knew would be accommodating to him while not raising any possible questions.

He's been doing fine for some time now; while he definitely hasn't gotten rid of his insecurities he has somewhat accepted that he just... is who he is. Some days are worse and some days are better. His brain has done a very thorough job suppressing pretty much all his early childhood memories. He has also convinced himself that being a perfectly exploitable asset to the corporation that abused him for years is definitely the right way to stick it to the system. They said he'd never be useful for anything and die an early death? Ha, showed 'em! (I am saying this with a lot of sarcasm. He is genuine.)

He's definitely a product of the environment he grew up in, which is a shame because if he hadn't been indoctrinated by the Inquest since birth he would have probably turned out a pretty decent person. He doesn't have the absolute worst inner moral compass. Alas, as it is he has contributed to [some fucked up things] and has [some fucked up views]. And he's not about to change that.

So... at what point do the stories of these two actually connect?

Petthri and Lahpp first met within a larger group of mostly scientists from mixed divisions that were sent on a trip to Rata Primus.

I won't go into the full details of The Rata Primus Odyssey now because that is a whole different story arc involving a total of six of my characters, but the relevant information is that they arrived in the wrong place at the wrong time (A Bug In The System says hello!), and got trapped in the main complex together (alongside Phlish and my charr engineer Leto) when Awakened shit hit the fan.

In short, the following escape mission lasted way too long, and made for an incredibly exhausting 0/10 experience for everyone involved. Cooperation between our two relevant asura actually went surprisingly smooth for the most part, at least way better than with the rest of the small group.

(Bringing that old edit back. Two criminals actually getting shit done in the back while the others are about to snap each other's head off.)

I did once offhandedly mention that Lahpp held Petthri at gunpoint exactly one time – that was here. He was not going to risk getting onto HQ's watch list for letting a prisoner slip away while he's even remotely involved.

Ultimately exhaustion and having no access to important medication for a prolonged amount of time got the better end of Lahpp, and while the other two would have probably just left the "dead weight" behind, Petthri made sure he made it out with them. Not a great time for the little Inquest criminal, both physically and mentally given his inclination for secrecy regarding certain topics.

A few days after they returned to the CoE Petthri checked up on Lahpp to make sure he's recovering, but afterwards... radio silence from both sides for the next few years.

–

Fastforward, it's now Cantha time!

If Lahpp had a piece of gold for everytime HQ sent him away on a "business trip" that'll end up nearly killing him, and likewise Petthri had one for everytime he'd be witness to that, they'd both have... two pieces of gold, which isn't much, but it's still weird it happened twice.

Once again as part of a larger group, our criminals find themselves in New Kaineng City. And because I am a mere human being that is not above resorting to overused tropes, they do of course end up having to share the same room for the time of their stay. I never claimed to be a mastermind storywriter.

At least this time the trip starts out fairly unspectacular, with mostly guided group tours through the city and its labs. Lahpp is not feeling too great (understatement) during all of this for reasons he can't quite grasp, but he's got a really bad gut feeling. Petthri actually notices he's lingering a lot and falling behind, so he suggests they split off from the rest of the group and go back to their room early. Get some rest, the journey to Cantha was long after all.

The next days are pretty calm, the Inquest is snooping around while our two heroes actually have some time to talk and get to know each other a little more. Petthri finally gets to tell someone his whole 'and this is how I was kidnapped!' story. Petthri's questions are getting a little too personal for Lahpp's taste, but overall they get along alright. It's almost like two people that have been way too lonely for several years are actually finding a bit of comfort for a moment. (Side note: Petthri warms up to people very quickly, and he might be (without realizing it) getting a little too comfortable with the idea of having found someone "redeemable".)

Now wouldn't it be great if a nearby reactor blew up and an elder dragon escaped?

The event itself isn't really affecting them (yet) but I do think Lahpp must be questioning the Eternal Alchemy at this point. Thaumanova. Multiple near-meltdowns in the Crucible. Rata Primus. Now this. Seriously, at some point it's just ridiculous.

With each new information surfacing, the "bad gut feeling" is slowly but surely turning into mild but continuous panic. Something is off and it clearly has something to do with dragons. Now, Lahpp never really cared about the whole elder dragon business. Whatever sort of magic experiment he was used for, it's the outcome that affected his life, not the source of it. Still, the thoughts are starting to occupy his mind more than he'd like to admit. Petthri is entirely unaware of any of this.

Oh wait – what's this? A new unknown form of raw magic rapidly spreading and threatening to destroy Tyria? Obviously this is something to be investigated, so the larger group coordinates an excursion to Dragon's End. And obviously they end up getting into the battle for the jade sea.

I guess at this point you see where my art is coming from.

Petthri and Lahpp never get to fight Soo-Won herself (no canon meta participation alas), but they are busy enough fending off Void creatures on ground level anyway. It's unclear (to me) if or how much the Void actually affects Lahpp on a physical level, but regardless he is not having the best time being confronted with something that is so unknown to him and yet so closely connected to his very being.

Some resurfacing traumatic memories combined with a not-so-pretty panic attack (and the physical stress of fighting) later, it's poor Petthri's task to once again take a blacked out criminal to safety. Meanwhile he's got absolutely no idea what is going on, but he's definitely going to demand some explanations.

For some days after this Petthri's playing bedside vigil in a New Kaineng medical facility. The two have a lot of time to talk. Personal topics. Uncomfortable topics. Lahpp does tell Petthri to go back to Rata Sum, he's beyond caring at this point. Quite frankly he thinks HQ won't care either. Petthri refuses to leave just like that. Asks Lahpp to come with him, he'll be better off away from the Inquest. Obviously Lahpp is not having any of it, he's very well aware the Inquest is as corrupt as it gets, but so is Rata Sum. That's just how the world functions. The Inquest has the meds and tech he needs to survive. He's not leaving. And he certainly doesn't need anyone acting self-sacrificial out of pity. It's degrading.

He tells Petthri to sleep on it and make up his mind the next day.

–

Aaand that is pretty much where the somewhat coherently planned part of my current rat-timeline ends. A glimpse into vague concepts for the future:

Enter a third character to the roster! It's Luqqah, Inquest medic-turned-biochemist. She happened to be in Cantha for a while now, doing her own research. She gets involved treating the injured after the whole Void mess. Naturally she ends up finding Petthri and Lahpp. Lucky for the latter, because she obviously has better knowledge dealing with asura than any of the human medics. And... in fact... she has pretty detailed knowledge about what's up with Lahpp specifically. Dealt with his medical papers in the past. Oh, also... they're exes. Don't worry, parted on good terms. Haven't seen each other since shortly after the Thaumanova meltdown. What a reunion.

So... yeah. It's gonna be trio time from now on. I don't know yet for how long the three of them stay in Cantha, or if they're going to get involved with the whole Gyala Delve storyline (or whatever comes out of it). Lahpp's not doing great, he'll need a while recovering. If he ever fully recovers. Petthri has a few of his own inner demons to fight. Time will tell.

As a conclusion... Petthri's saviour complex sets him on a good path towards a corruption arc while Lahpp's as close to a redemption arc as he'll get. They're both questioning their life and views a lot. Spoiler from the Omniscient Narrator: Both of them will be back in the Crucible. But with more thoughts to think than before. And more time to spend together.

And that's what's currently up with the rats.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

One thing I'm really grateful about in this stage of learning and my desire to convert is being able to forgive myself for not being perfect. I've always had this tendency to want to be perfect, and I often elude that (much to my chagrin).

Judaism is teaching me it is okay to not be perfect. I am a human, and g-d knows that. Why should I defy my humanness, my very being? It's honestly something that's freed me and it attracts me even more to Judaism.

I think this would be my biggest piece of advice to anybody who feels like I do: perfection is the enemy. You deserve to mess things up, to realize you aren't infallible. You aren't expected to be perfect by anybody but yourself, really.

[muninnhuginn]

Tbh I think part of the reason why Yor is way more emotionally aware and open than Twilight despite ostensibly having a job that should require her be much more ruthless comes down to separation of roles.

As an assassin, Yor has to kill, yes, but that’s just her job and she can basically stop thinking about it when she’s not actively killing. Sure, she still likes sharp objects, but it’s still very much a *job* for her. When she’s clocked off, she’s just Yor.

Meanwhile for Twilight, he must always be thinking of his job on some level. As a spy, he can��t afford to slip. And on top of that, he hasn’t really got a ‘true self’ to go back to because the closest he has to that at the start of the series is ‘Twilight’. His life is his job and has been since he first became a spy. There isn’t a true separation where he can just turn off his job and just be himself. Loid is a mask on top of Twilight (as opposed to Yor who is both Thorn Princess and Yor depending on the situation) and though it’s not entirely an act, it still largely is.

He is getting somewhere now, where we see hints of real emotion, of his past self poking through. But the thing is, if Twilight gets invested in the Forgers then it’s also his job and whole life on the line. So of course he has to justify why he isn’t invested and tell himself that it’s all ‘for the mission’. Because if it’s not then where does that leave him? Meanwhile Yor has no such hang-ups because the family is her home to return to at the end of the day, regardless of it being ‘fake’.

It’s stated in this series that everyone in this series has different faces with which they confront the world, even down to Anya. And yet, for Twilight, the person with the most faces, we haven’t fully met the true him yet.

[youremyonlyhope]

I'm not a "new musical theatre style music" person. Never have been.

Even when I was doing voice lessons, I'd steer towards the golden age or jazzy musical theatre songs. My voice teacher would have to drag me kicking and screaming towards adding anything new musical theatre to my repertoire. For a while, the most modern song in my book was I Know The Truth from Aida, and I wouldn't count that as new musical theatre style since I mean more the Pasek&Paul or Joe Iconis type.

And now I have an audition coming up for a small production of a show in that style and I'm supposed to sing a song in a similar style. And I'm looking at all my sheet music like... let me do some Cole Porter... or Gershwin... at least Sondheim please...

[fizzyorange-v2]

fuck I’ve gotta go to sleep now I have CLASSES but FUCK man lord forgive me for my gillion tidestrider fixation but that moment after the electrodon is dead (mostly at the expense of all gil’s smite and energy) and he’s helped pull chip out of its maw as it explodes and he’s swam to save jay and ollie and alphonse from drowning and he’s teleported or carried them all back to the sinking ship and he manages to use healing on them all despite the fact he’d used basically all his magic up killing the goddamn thing and he himself has only 2 hp remaining and alphonse doesn’t wake up. and alphonse doesn’t wake up.

that moment after the healing works on jay and ollie but alphonse doesn’t fucking wake up and gillion has used all his spell slots to kill the fucking beast and gillion only has 2 hp remaining and the ship gillion carried all of them back to is sinking sinking sinking and the healing isn’t fucking working on alphonse

and so gillion says tell me what’s wrong and i’ll fix it jay (jay what do you really want? and just tell me, so i can fight for it) and gillion will fix this (he will fight for this) he will find a way to heal his crew member tell me what’s wrong and i’ll fix it because surely gillion has broken enough things lately surely this can’t be something else that is beyond repair that gillion can’t fucking fix just like jay’s inventions just like the conch shell just like edyn’s distance-trust-faith in him just like the elder’s blessing and training and his whole damned prophecy it can’t and

so there he is about to start desperately ripping into alphonse’s wiring and then chip stops him.

chip interrupts, chip calls out gil! this ships going down is there something you can do about keeping us afloat—? and it’s this fucking moment. It’s this moment where gillion stands surrounded by his crew, his friends, his family; one of who still needs to be fixed, the others all no more than 5 hp from the brink, 2 of which only still breathing because he found more healing to give after using all of his magic to kill the beast that destroyed half of the ship that they stand on the ship that is home the ship that is still fucking sinking and chip with his single hp asks gillion to help keep them afloat and gillion stammers.

he stammers. this moment. you can see the panic and the stress and how overwhelmed he is how torn into billion directions he is because he’s the one they need to stop the ship from sinking but he’s also the only who can fix this (see: risk himself to “recharge” alphonse (no matter the fact he also only has 2 fucking hp)) and he can’t let alphonse sink either.

and god. this moment where chip asks gil to keep them afloat and gillion stammers and stutters and scrambles and hesitates even just for a few seconds, this moment, you can see played so clearly: it is and shows the true extent of the burden gillion bears. the true weight of the burden crashing down on him as he tries to be strong enough to carry it, to hold it all up, to hold them all up, to make sure no one sinks, to make sure they all stay afloat.

and in this moment as he stammers and doubts and fears i knew already he would fall back into old habits, the only way he was raised and trained, the only way he knows how to save everyone, how to bear it — by immediately sacrificing himself and hoping he’ll finally give give give enough to fix everything.

and who would’ve guessed. he doesn’t hesitate for a second more. off to be the literal conduit to save someone’s life he goes, as the ship keeps sinking sinking sinking behind him.

i hope for everyone’s sake it is enough, of course, because i adore alphonse (and so does every single person in that crew) and the idea of losing him is unbearable. of course i hope this fixes it, of course i hope this is somehow enough to shock the helmsman back to life. but i deeply fear what will happen to gil when one day, inevitably, he just doesn’t have enough to give and he can’t kill the beast in time and he can’t fix everything and he can’t save everyone and no amount of sacrifice is enough.

sometimes you can’t keep everyone afloat at once. sometimes you can’t hold an entire ship together with nothing but strength and will. sometimes you can’t just drown yourself to stop someone else from sinking.

[persimnon]

mayday, mayday!

[iceskatingmobsters]

been working on my own headcanon timeline of owv's early years, so have a little bit about hornfels:

hornfels is just as adventurous and mischievous as slate and feldspar are when they're hatchlings, but is much less bombastic about it. despite their insatiable curiosity (or perhaps because of it) they're a pretty quiet kid. consequently, they're warned to stay well away from Danger Trio's wilder schemes and spends most of their time around the older hatchlings and the adults as a result. you know the quiet kid who was labelled as "mature for their age" but was kinda socially inept? that's hornfels. they don't have anything against the other members of their cohort, though; slate scares the shit out of them but they think slate is stupid smart, gossan seems funny and cool, and they are enthralled by feldspar's reckless curiosty. but they don't wanna get in trouble, because they're responsible or whatever. don't worry about the burns on their hands, they definitely got too close to a campfire and they definitely weren't messing around near the ghost matter patch again. for sure learned the first time not to be anywhere near the ghost matter patch.

they join in for as many shenanigans as they secretly can, anyways. those three are onto something, even if none of them -- including hornfels -- know exactly what, yet.

the old archivist/museum curator, gravel, sees a bit of themself in hornfels and takes them under their wing. gravel is of the firm belief that remembering the past and holding to tradition is what keeps the hearthians and their culture alive -- every archaic item from their past, every story has a lesson to be learned and is worthwhile to keep and remember. that isn't to say that they refuse to move on with the times, that would be a different sort of stupid, but to ignore the lessons of the past is, at best, idiocy, and at worst, deadly. needless to say they kinda hate the "space program" because the whole village knows what happens to people who stray too close to the geysers.

hornfels kinda loves the space program, which is a fucking problem. they start out as an occasional consultant -- they're easy to find most clear nights with a telescope, anyways, so they're Danger Trio's best source for questions about potential space travel who will actually give them the time of day, as long as it's out of gravel's earshot. and then it became hornfels seeking the others out, asking about their progress, offering their own ideas and advice and theories and and and...

here's the thing. hornfels likes archival work and history work, they do. they took gravel's stance that every moment deserves to be remembered and learned from to heart. but space calls to them in a language they can't ignore -- the call of endless discovery, of new technology and flora and fauna, and not just studying the stars on clear nights but being out there, with them, and maybe even finding other people out there in the great expanse if they're lucky. hornfels thinks they will be. there's a couple odd skeletons in those ruins in the mountains and with the expansiveness tektite described, there's no way those were the only ones of their kind out there.

hornfels stakes their claim on a spot as a member of ventures, proper, after feldspar blows themself up the first time (unfair of them to think that way, on second thought, that accident wasn't really anyone's fault) under the condition of utmost secrecy. which is fine! they'd snuck out to cause trouble with the others when they were really young, and the other three have been working in relative secrecy ever since the first barrel they threw into a geyser and got really serious about the whole thing. they're a lot more flippant about it than hornfels, is, though, because getting caught just means less resources and tighter works schedules, for them. for hornfels, not so much -- despite their disagreements on risk-taking and the price of progress, hornfels deeply respects and cares for gravel, and going behind their back like this is necessary and painful. they'll lose a lot more than a week in the hatchling cabin if they're well and truly caught. they want to tell gravel! they're going to, eventually. they're just gonna wait until they've got something physical and successful to show for all of ventures' hard work to bolster their case.

they don't get the chance. gravel dies a few short months before ventures is ready for their first launch, when things are getting really hard to hide. it's a silver lining, to not have to scramble so hard to hide their involvement in gravel's least favorite project in the village, but hornfels is crushed under the weight of what was left unsaid.

they find themself preoccupied with a new project, too. gravel left behind a veritable mountain of unsorted donations of old hearthian paraphernalia that they never got around to putting on display -- truth is, most of the stuff they kept isn't really worthy of display. it's too busted up, usually, or not particularly noteworthy. hornfels had offered to help sort it all, time and time again, but gravel had always refused them, saying it was their responsibility and they shouldn't have put it off for so long. they aren't here to refuse hornfels, anymore, and the pile seems insurmountable. gravel believed that every object given to them had a story and a lesson, and hornfels believes it, but they don't believe everything has to be kept pristine and behind glass to take what you need from it. it feels wrong, to throw away gravel's collected bits and bobs, but hornfels doesn't have much of a choice.

they step away from ventures for a week and a half, to sort through the old donation pile, and their guilt and grief along with it. when they come back, museum more organized than it's ever been, the grief isn't easier, but it's quiet enough they can focus on other things.

feldspar launches a month after that and comes back with a singed rocking chair. hornfels had cleared a space out for an entire ship, outside the museum, but a rocking chair is just fine, because it came back with gossan's ideas for new safety protocols, slate's plans for the next ship, and feldspar's wonder at what they saw, out there in the cosmos. hornfels learns what they need to, preserves what they can, and gets ready for what's next.

[saintajax]

doing iron chunk routes rn and i’m having lore thoughts . celestia i am side eyeing u so fucking hard rn bc why have u done this....hm.....

[kkoct-ik]

finding drawings from this year that i have absolutely no memory of shouldnt be the most disturbing thing to me this week but here we are

[candysharkart]

Only just now noticed the redbubble link at the top of your blog, lol. Anyways, if you were to ever put that Tina at unicorn academy art on there as a sticker or whatever I’d 50000% buy one!!!

ill be honest i havent put anything up there in a really REALLY really long time (never got the hang of drawing thing w merch in mind) so i forget about it too lol

ill look into putting stuff like that up there if there's intrest tho! ive had fanart stuff pulled quick from rb before but maybe bob's stuff would stick

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[gibbearish]

man i keep getting distracted i was in the middle of playing terraria

[apelcini]

as much fun as trashing every english place name in connecticut has beeen, my anger over the words we use to call places has been simmering for a while and funnytime is over now. i’ve been all over the pacific northwest and the midwest these past few months and one thing that had me actually boggled was how much local indigenous tribes were present in the contemporary local landscapes. from highway exit signs in washington indicating the nearest tribes, to the community college in c’ouer d’alene idaho where each building was labeled with an english name a native name and a translation of the native name, to the campus mound protection and advocacy group in beloit wisconsin, all of it was the only actual east/west culture shock to me, who comes from a place where people think the patuxent was named from the english language. i rag on the east coast a lot for being a jam packed clown car for a bunch of petty reasons, but by far the most insidious and serious of my grievances with the east coast is our multiregion-unifying tradition of pretending that there were indigenous people here but we were too brutal a few hundred years ago and they’re gone now, that one is totally our bad, such a shame that there’s nothing we can do to make it up to them except to honor them and examine all their stuff archaeologically because there’s nobody left to give it all back to. this is a direct continuation of genocide being passed off as diversity inclusion and it genuinely makes me rabid.