#this is a MESS I'M SORRY

[incorrectjokerout]

Martin:If you bite it and you die,it's poisonous.If it bites you and you die,it's venomous.

Jan:What if it bites me and it dies?

Kris:Then you're poisonous.Jesus Christ,Jan,learn to listen.

Jere:What if it bites itself and I die?

Bojan:That's voodoo.

Nace:What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Martin:That's correlation,not causation.

Jure:What if we bite each other and neither of us die?

Bojan:That's kinky.

Kris:Oh my god.

[quillinhand]

favourite snape hcs go 🎤

Hiiii

this is gonna take a while cuz I've been waiting for someone to ask this question for so long- so sorry for answering this post after a while lol

ok so.

he hates coffee, but marking and juggling all his work means it's often the only thing keeping him awake, and my man, he likes to take his coffee with enough cream and sugar to kill a small child. for energy, of course.

he likes to sleep. will commit murder if someone disturbs him.

actually likes marking. something about shitting on teenagers calm him down.

sometimes, he'll take out his old essays and go thru them with red ink. no teenager is as fun to shit on as yourself. except perhaps potter.

pan ace. am not accepting arguments

had sex for the first in the early days after graduation and initiation into the death eaters. hated it. very much.

loves physical touch and so, naturally, will make it impossible for anyone to touch him

has the weirdest possible relationship with Lucius malfoy but like, we don't talk about that.

(They are as close as you get to fucking/killing each other without actually fucking/killing each other. Knows each others darkest secrets but still would kill the other to keep themselves alive sort of close)

has a similar relationship with voldy shorts except, with our resident evil it's like, not consensual? Sort of? idk . My man's into tall dark and creepy ok? except in Lucius's case it's tall blonde and rich/ridiculous but. we don't talk about that.

Severus fucking Snape didnt become friends with Lily fucking Evans cuz she was pretty. nope. Twas cuz ma girl was powerful as heck(like him) and, more importantly, a bitch(like him). You are kidding yourself if ya think their friendship was anything other than that.

his relationship with his parents is a toxic one in that there IS some level of care there, but Tobias is too much of a depressed 30 something man to be a good father and Eileen was too much of a proud hag to be a good mother, and Severus was too much like them to be able to deal with their shit.

a huge part of why he used the mental arts so much was cuz he couldn't handle his emotions easily for the longest time, and would burst at the smallest thing. this was the trait that made him such a good target for bullying. the one trait he could never quite get rid of- just hide, under steel walls and scars that opened far too easily.

after lily died, he occluded to the point of magical exhaustion and ended up collapsing. wrecked his body to the point of him not being able to move for months. this was one of the first, and only things he learned to be kind to himself for, and relaxed with his occlumency shields as much as he could. and then voldy returned, and. well.

he is the Slytherin house's hero. not that he understands why. something about the whole, evil, dark, vampire aesthetic was very appealing ya see.

my man wears heels to look taller. not accepting arguments

his whole outfit was carefully planned. 20s Snape had FUN, I tell you. My man spent YEARS cultivating his whole vibe, from the expressions, to the poetry, to the ROBES- perfection, perfection. have you any idea how much he argued with tailors that, no, he actually didn't give a fuck if the robe he wanted was too tight for pockets. what the actual FUCK do you mean.

the buttons have so much history

his eye colour is actually just. gray, but like my man likes the whole vibe of ✨ obsidian ✨ more so. makes sure to stay around dimly lit areas for maximum effect.

he did actually go to school before hogwarts, but like he couldn't control his magic, so my man would bust the lights and flood the bathrooms and make the chairs hit the teachers he didn't like. The AMOUNT of confounding Eileen had to do to distract the town from their magic- worthy of a book series on its own.

I'm ending cuz this is already so longgg. sorry for answering lateee. ilyy 💜💜💜

[one-flower-one-sword]

finished tgcf vol 8 last night (the main story, I'm still making my way through the extras), and I just... I cried so much T_T

even though I already knew most of what would happen. somehow that actually made it worse, I was full on sobbing at times (well I had also picked music to listen to so that also contributed but still)

I don't have the words to express what tgcf means to me, right now this is my absolute favorite book series I've ever read. and also... hualian... I cannot deal, I cannot deal with them, I've rarely ever had a love story affect me this profoundly

I also cannot overstate what an absolute pillar of support this story was for me this year. I picked up Volume 1 almost exactly one year ago, and from that moment on tgcf was like the lifeboat that got me through a really tough year where I was also sick more often than not (I'm disabled with chronic fatigue)

tgcf vol 1 was also the first book I'd read after ten years where due to various mental illness issues I couldn't read books at all, a crass contrast to how I used to devour them from the moment I was able to read. but then whatever was blocking me, it feels like tgcf just... allowed it to heal. that alone I consider an immense gift that I'm incredibly grateful for, as I had honestly feared I'd never be able to read books again

I'll miss this story so so much, but I'm also just so unspeakably grateful for its existence

also I'm very grateful for all the positive feedback and interaction my little analysis posts have received, I honestly didn't expect that at all when I started posting. I just had so many thoughts while reading and desperately needed to express them, but I thought surely no one else would be all that interested in them. so the attention is completely unexpected but very appreciated, thank you :')

speaking of I'll start posting my vol 8 observations at some point but I'm actually still not done with my vol 6 and 7 thoughts, because the more I read the more things started occurring to me. I also have some fanfic planned because I'm not ready to let this story go, not for a long time and probably not ever 🦋

[thismorningscoffee]

It's been over two years since I got in my car and drove across and around the country by myself for a month and ever since getting back I have been in a major depressive episode that I cannot get out of. I struggled on the trip now and then due to a stupid boy situation before I left, and I regret that I now let it cloud my trip so much, but I am unable to feel happy or excited about anything and I keep having intense urges to just get up and leave and drive to Utah or drive to California again and it's scary sometimes and I don't really know what to do and life just feels really sad and hopeless at times and like I'm never going to be happy again like I was on my own doing what I wanted and exploring like I've wanted to my whole life :')

[thorinds]

1000 Books You May Have Actually Read

[bashfulfm]

availability : closed ( for @noveaus ) location : trendy la restaurant

when bash was set up on a blind date, he wasn't sure what to expect. of course, that's true with all blind dates. but it's especially true in the world of hollywood. it would be awkward if he got paired up with an ex or someone who hated him. but he was somewhat relieved when it turned out his blind date was raine rivera. they weren't close but they were friendly and bash often talked her out of doing things he thought she might regret. he hoped this date wasn't one of them. he was a little nervous, first date jitters, if you will but that didn't stop him from giving her a hug when he first saw her. "hey! how are you?" he asked. "you look great, by the way."

[artsarasp]

@ace-shenanigans said og!sqh had a religious experience into that last sqh 12/12 achievement comic so I made it into shitpost- Happy return home, original goods!

[ylangelegy]

After MAMA awards I'M VERY PROUD OF MY BOYS and seeing Woozi crying, nooooo my mannnnn

So can I request Woozi or anyone after awards, all members celebrating with their partners hehe LOVE YOUUU!!!

PLEASE PLEASE 🛐🛐

🍑 i will really live the rest of my life repaying you.

you don't see seungcheol until the next day. such is the life of the general leader, it seems— the never-ending heralding, the non-stop worrying. he deals with his boys, first, then the fans, then the staff. but once that's all done, he's at your front door, collapsing into your arms before he's even past through the entryway. it doesn't matter how many awards its been. he is still overwhelmed by it every single time, and you are a soft place to land. he comes home to you and whispers the sweetest nothings in your hair. i'm so proud of them and they did so well and they're so happy. as he holds you tight— like you're the only thing keeping him upright— it's your turn to let him hear those words. i'm so proud of you. you did so well. you get to be happy, too.

the jeonghan on the other end of the video call has been quiet for the most part of the past half-hour. you'd be more worried if you hadn't already predicted where his solemness was coming from. "hannie? still with me?" you prompt gently, and he finally tears his gaze away from the ceiling to look back at you. "yeah. yeah, i'm with you," he answers. a beat. there are some things you no longer have to say out loud. how he wishes he was there. how he misses them and tries not to let it show. instead, you give him a reminder that's quiet and firm. "this is yours, too," you say. this award. this moment. these boys. all still his. there's a ghost of a smile on his face as he mumbles, "right. of course. how could i forget."

joshua likes keeping lists. a running one he has with you is that of gratitude, where the two of you try to end each day with acknowledgements of what you're grateful for. you're expecting a whole essay for him after tonight. he surprises you by keeping it short, sweet, and straight to the point. in no particular order, he types out into your shared note. music, the boys, you. hours later, he adds a footnote like it'd occurred to him as an afterthought: i'm always grateful for those three, but especially so today.

"look at them!" jun shrieks. his video call pixelates, either from spotty connection or his sudden burst of enthusiasm. you have half a mind to warn him that he may get a noise complaint again, but this time it'd be completely warranted. he's positively vibrating with excitement, his eyes glued to the livestream of his twelve brothers ascending the stage for their second award of the night. "look at them," he repeats, and this time his voice is more reverent than anything. you could comply, could do as he's asking, but your eyes are trained elsewhere. and look at you, too, you want to say. look at you and all that you've done to get this far.

even though it's been an exceptionally long day, soonyoung comes home brimming with adrenaline. he does dance routines in your living room. he jogs around your block until you beg him to just come back. he sings in the shower before collapsing onto the bed next to you, where he suddenly becomes boneless. the glow of pride stays even as the exhaustion hits. he pulls you against him and cuddles right into you. to soonyoung, this is as good as any trophy: the peace that comes with falling asleep next to you.

wonwoo has no destination in mind. he has a car with a full tank, and a playlist of all his favorite songs, and you in the passenger seat. that's more than enough. you pass through tunnels with warm lighting; expressways where he keeps the windows down so the wind will whip at your hair. occasionally, you'll stop to grab a snack or take a photo of something interesting on the side of the street. after hours of just going in circles, he'll ask, "should we keep driving?" even though he knows you'd never deny him this. this. his little celebration in the form of getting 'lost' with you.

nobody hears from jihoon for the next couple of days. the managers are worried, but the boys all just shake their heads and say that he's in good hands. which means: he's wherever you are. the two of you don't talk about his speech, about his public breakdown, because both things make him want to hide forever. instead— he sleeps in. he watches movies from months ago that he promised he'd get to. the two of you go on walks at night, and have breakfast at lunch time. the vicious cycle will soon have to begin again. jihoon knows that. but for a few, precious moments, his heart is not a heavy burden because it's safe and sound in your capable hands.

seokmin takes you on the textbook definition of your perfect date. a shopping spree? here's his black card. an amusement park? he'll rent out lotte world for the day, if he must. you're understandably baffled. he's the one who just won big, and yet you're the one being treated like royalty. try to resist and he'll only push back on you. seokmin already spoils you enough as is, but this is just a little more over-the-top than the day-to-day stuff. at the end of it all, his rationale is as sweet as it gets. "you keep me going," he tells you. "and so you deserve just as much credit as i do."

mingyu has always liked to celebrate with a meal. you'd expected his usual fare of some swanky restaurant or high-end café, but, this time, he asks for only free reign of your kitchen. he props his phone up against the salt shaker and pulls up a youtube video before flashing you his best 'just-trust-me' grin. your trust is not misplaced; the two of you do manage to bake the celebratory cake, though whether it's any good is an entirely different story. the end result doesn't matter as much as the process. mingyu is happiest about the flour marks on your cheeks, about the kisses he steals while you whisk eggs. it's not a birthday cake, but you light up a candle for him anyway. just for the hell of it. "make a wish," you tease. he's looking straight at you as he blows at the flame.

minghao asks for a beach day. the two of you set out for the nearest one. maybe the sand is a bit rocky; the shore, lacking in shells. he doesn't care. he only seeks out the sun beating on his back, the saltwater clinging to his skin, the first punch of air after emerging from the water. as the stolen weekend winds to a close, the two of you sit at the point where the water lap at your toes. neither of you have to speak. here, minghao lets the tide wash away the ache of homesickness. here, minghao redefines 'home' as a future with the boys of his youth, with the music that is as constant as the waves— and with you, of course.

the ferry ride to jeju is about four or so hours long, but seungkwan doesn't mind. there's just something so right about getting on the first vessel that will take him back where he has family waiting with a homecooked meal and a play-by-play of the award show. besides, the ferry means having four hours of uninterrupted leisure time with you. the pair of you literally have nowhere else to be except this boat and this point in time, which seungkwan is a little guilty to be so happy about. he's a glutton for your time and attention, and these ferry rides— these trips home— remind him just how much he likes taking the scenic route.

vernon treats it almost like it's just another day. almost. you're thrown off by his initial nonchalance, by the lack of utter fanfare in the way he asks you out to lunch and the two of you barely discuss the recent accolades. when you prompt him about it, you realize it's not because of arrogance or ignorance. "we're just doing what we always do," he says with an expression of mild confusion. winning?, you almost inquire half-jokingly, but that's only part of it. he elaborates, "we were just ourselves, y'know?"

when chan suggests a rage room, you're understandably confused. the wrath-based activity doesn't seem like the most optimal celebration, but you're not about to cramp his style. the two of you queue the angriest songs known to man before smashing some defunct appliances and throwing empty bottles against a wall. once your time is up, chan looks at you with that familiar spark of fire in his eyes. that dedication you fell in love with, that passion that has always burned bright. "again?" he asks, and you know it's not just the rage room that he's asking for.

[jkvjimin]

JIMIN & TAEHYUNG ↳ are you sure?! | episode 3 for @jung-koook ♡

[unknown-cold]

It's painful how Vi screams to express her sad feelings.

Experiencing intense anxiety, intrusive thoughts or flashbacks, in response to screaming, whether real or imagined.

So let's not forget guys that Vi also suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder or related trauma-related conditions.

[parisoonic]

Hello! I don't know if you do requests, but could you draw Medic wearing Heavy's shirt? Maybe in the morning, he's stole it!

I know you probably wanted something soppy but this is what my horrible brain thought of.

[butyouaremymess]

Colin + his (many) love confessions for Penelope

[milkteabinniechan]

Chan who strokes your hair whenever you are near him. Letting your head fall to his shoulder every time.

Chan who grazes your bottom lip with his thumb and stares longingly at your mouth

Chan who's fingers can spread your folds like silk and butter, making you arch your back instantly

Chan who claims you as his with bite marks and hickeys in places everyone can see

Chan who falls apart whenever you wear a skirt because all he can think about is burying his face in your thighs

Chan who licks and flicks your nipples slowly and playfully until your begging for him to fuck you

Chan who slams you into your mattress until you're a sweaty mess

Chan who calls you princess whenever you're covered in his cum

[brodorokihousuke]

i like to doodle him sometimes... love you taka

[palskippah]

Hi!

Drew this based over this post and also got inspired on these Addams Family AU drawings made by mvjerbs! (AU is by long-distance-muse)

I noticed after having the first two drawings done that it probably would've worked better with Ambrosius saying all that while holding a photo of Ballister looking like a wet cat, but well 😭

[humanmorph]

where's my man eclectic