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raging-violets · 1 year ago

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Under Pressure // Kendall x Riley // Big Time Rush

Summary – Kendall is stressed and under a lot of pressure and only one person can really understand how he feels, especially when it has to do with his father.

A/N: I’ve done something like this before but this one-shot hit me after reading a post about Kendall on tumblr and wouldn’t let me go until I finished writing it. So, in essence, this is a character study on Kendall, lol.

Set during 2x11 – Big Time Songwriters (though it just mentions it more than it being a plot point).

Words: 3069

TW: mentions of child abuse, deadbeat dad, neglect, parentification, parent death

Tightness stretched across Kendall’s shoulders, increasing as the seconds passed. So much so that he stopped to wiggle and stretch them every few steps. Nothing was making the boulders of his muscles melt away. And it probably wouldn’t until peace returned to him and that wouldn’t happen until his father left Los Angeles.

In the meantime, everything was fine.

He was fine.

He was so fine.

He was so not fine.

Kendall turned away from the mirror, pressing his hands into the sides of his head. He paced across the floor of the costume closet, hearing the distant sound of Gustavo’s screams. The screams only slightly accompanied by off-key notes slammed on a piano.

Not a good song writing day, if Kendall had to guess. Not that he even had to guess. The look on Kelly’s face when he arrived at Rocque Records that day was clear enough. The twitching of her eye only stopped long enough for her to ask, “What are you doing here? You’re not scheduled until tomorrow.”

“I just wanted to…” Kendall briefly closed his eyes. Thought hard for an excuse. He opened his eyes and glanced at the empty practice rooms nearby. “Get some guitar practice in. You know…” he blinked hard, forced a smile that was seconds from breaking. “See if we can spruce up the ‘Oh Yeah’ song.”

“Okay…” Kelly gazed at Kendall. Who wasn’t blinking as he continued to smile at her. “Stop it. That’s creepy.” Kendall dropped his smile. Kelly looked him up and down for a minute. “So long as you don’t destroy the place like you did when you and the boys were writing. Everything’s still getting patched up.”

Kendall nodded and backed away from Kelly, heading towards the practice room, stepping over the broken pieces of furniture and poster sized photos of Rocque Records bands that had been ripped off the walls, wincing as he did so. (And that was nothing compared to the wince that went across his and his friends’ faces when they say the bald patch in the back of his head after he’d ripped out the hair extensions he’d put in when dressed as a viking that day).

After a few steps, Kendall turned back as if he’d only just though tof something. “Hey, uh, do you know if Riley’s here?” He ignored the knowing smile that stretched across Kelly’s face before following her head tilt toward the costume closet. “Just…you know…Gustavo’s asking about the outfits for our videos so I thought I’d…y’know…check on it.”

“Uh-huh.”

So there he was, pacing, pacing, pacing, trying not to look at himself in the mirror. Because if he looked in the mirror, he wasn’t going to see himself, he was going to see him. The man who—unfortunately—had given him half his genes and DNA. The same man he had just seen not even an hour before and Kendall barely managed to get through that conversation without his brain exploding from the pressure of keeping his mouth shut.

He hadn’t been that angry since the all-out war he and the boys had when writing their song. But that was even worse; that was a song that needed to be written so it could go on the deluxe album per Griffin’s wishes. And even then, it was even more pressure because they were writing their first song to prove a point to Gustavo and they needed to like it so he would like it so Griffin would like it so that the fans and critics would like it and…

Kendall’s temples throbbed at the mere thought.

If things didn’t go well with the song, then they wouldn’t go well with the band, then all of that time they spent going to LA would’ve been…a catastrophic failure. Which would mean…everything in his life would’ve ended in abysmal failure.

His parents’ marriage? Ruined when his father became a professional hockey player and enjoyed that life more than being a family man. (Where he may or may not have cheated on his mom, Kendall still didn’t know for sure.). He ended up being the “man of the house” at a young age. Had to be the one in charge of anything and everything when his mom wasn’t there. Had to be another parent when he didn’t even truly know what being a parent was.

His mom? Worked as a waitress in a diner just to be able to afford groceries, rent, Kendall’s hockey and Katie’s lacrosse. She worked almost all day every day and he could barely remember when she got a full day off. Sometimes, Kendall wondered if his mom knew how to be a person again. Not a mom. Not a provider. But a person.

Katie? He walked her to and from the school bus every day, made sure she got into the house okay, consistently called in and checked on her while she was there. Took her to his hockey practices when he had no choice but to go and he watched her quietly sit in the stands, bundled up against the cold, sometimes falling asleep on the bleachers. (She got to know the staff at the arena very well, they were her first victims of poker playing).

His friends? They were always going to be by his side. He couldn’t remember the last time he wans’t. If they got detention he was either coming up with a plan to get them out of it or get him in it just so they could hang out. Anyone who dared tried to say anything bad about them (saying James had no talent, that Logan was a wimp, that Carlos was crazy) was met with potential death. The amount of times he’d gotten into fights with guys who tried to bully Logan or with bigger goons on the ice trying to smash James’s face in was enough to give him the nickname “Killer” early in his hockey career. He was nothing without his friends. So much so that even when James was mad about him getting the deal to go to LA to make music Kendall couldn’t imagine not having them with him.

Him? He had to take care of the cooking and housekeeping while his mom worked late into the night. Where he still had to do his homework, study for tests, worked as the captain of the hockey team, hung out and got in trouble with his friends, and keep his job at the grocery store. All the while he kept a smile on his face. He was loyal, compassionate, friendly, kind, caring, smart, and loyal to everyone around him. The people he loved and cared about. He helped Mrs. Magicowski with her yardwork when the time came, bringing her home some groceries when he was able to get some from the store. Giving up multiple areas of his life, growing up fast so that he could make his life a little bit easier for his mom and sister.

Any of that becoming pointless, becoming useless, becoming not worth it…was not a reality he wanted to live. And if that all came crashing down because he couldn’t get his fucking father’s face out of his head…he’d never forgive him.

Not that he ever would anyway.

The more he looked himself in the mirror, the more he saw his father’s face in his own. It was all he could do to keep from smashing himself in the face with a hockey stick just to knock his father’s teeth out. The idea made him smile in that way that had multiple people telling him, “Stop it, it’s creepy” more than enough times that day.

“What are you doing here, Hockey-Head? Aren’t you supposed to be meeting your dad?” Riley’s voice made Kendall turn. She moved into the costume closet, closing the door with her foot as she carefully maneuvered a surfboard through the door. She set the board on the wall and brushed her wet hair behind her shoulders. “You’re not going to tell Kelly and Gustavo I skivved off, yeah?”

Kendall smiled softly. “No, I won’t tell them.”

“Ace.” Riley peered at him closely then moved to sit on the arm of the couch. “I reckon you being here means your meeting with your dad didn’t go well.” She looped her arms around her upraised knees as he collapsed onto the couch next to her.

“Understatement of the century,” he replied. He flopped back, draping his arm over his face. Let out a heavy sigh, the weight on his shoulders only given a slight reprieve while lying down. “I could hardly stand looking at him.”

He could hear Riley hum softly. “What’d he say?”

“That he was happy to see me,” Kendall replied. He dropped his arm from his face, resting his hands on his stomach as he stared at the ceiling. Alternated looking at Riley then back to the ceiling once more. “That he was glad I took the time to meet with him. That I looked like I was doing well. He wanted to know everything about me.”

A bitter laugh ripped from his throat, as if it had been waiting in the wings for the right moment to strike. The harshness of his laugh, he saw, made Riley jump. She blinked over at him, eyebrows coming together in concern.

“My own dad wanted to know everything about me, like I was some random kid he’d just met for the first time.” The reality of the thought, sobering, settled right into Kendall’s gut. His voice was soft when he repeated himself. “To him I’m some random kid he’d just met for the first time.” Even quieter when he added, “He didn’t even apologize.”

“What do you want him to apologize for?” Riley asked. For a moment, Kendall shot her a ‘are you serious?’ look. The tension in his shoulders moved to his head, started to throb with his heart beat. She simply blinked back at him, blue eyes big and round as she gazed back at him, chin then resting on her knees.

“He couldn’t apologize for leaving,” Kendall said. “I gave him so many chances…and he couldn’t even mention how he’s been gone. He just kept asking me questions, things he would know if he was around. He couldn’t even remember how old Katie is!”

An even stronger throb of pressure.

Kendall clenched his teeth together, working to keep from exploding.

“He acted like he’d always been there and just forgot some things. Like we’d always been in LA, he kept talking about places to and things to see as if being out here was normal.” Kendall’s eyebrows came together when it hit him. “It’s normal to him. Because he’s been out here. He’s lived a life of luxury while we’ve been in Minnesota struggling to make rent every day. He’s been living the life anyone would ever dream of while mom was working from sunup to sundown and barely got a day off. And he was out here while Katie was the only girl in her class who didn’t have a dad to go to the ‘Daddy-daughter’ dance at school, so I had to take her!”

“Kendall—”

“And Mom had to deal with all the whispers and rumors of the other hockey moms. And she had to deal with a crappy boss at the diner just to take care of us. And taking me to my hockey practices and hockey games! And she wouldn’t let me quit them to work more to help her! All the while he was living in the lap of luxury as if he had no family to come home to.” He lurched to his feet, hands slamming into clenched fists. “I hate him!”

Lift off.

“I hate him for what he did to you!” Fury couldn’t describe the emotion that flashed over Kendall’s face. Swirled through his eyes. Riley watched him violently place; eyes wide as she slowly stood from the arm of the couch. “How he stood up there and made it so that the guy that abused you for years practically got off scott free. He stood there and told a judge that you guys were practically the reason for Robert to torture you all for so long and work you to the bone for your career just so he could make money!”

“—Kendall.”

Kendall turned to look Riley in the eye. “I hate that everyone knows what he did. That he knows you all didn’t deserve it and still tried to make it look like you were to blame. How he made other people think Robert was just an innocent man who was stressed and worked out his stress in a bad way. I hate that he did the same thing to you that…” Kendall trailed off.

Riley took in a deep breath then bluntly said, “That’s not what’s bothering you.”

Kendall’s hands clenched once more, twisting in the air, as if he were wringing the neck of a hockey stick. Seconds away from taking it and slamming it over his knee. The thought made him smirk a little, wondering what his dad would think if they ever came up against each other in a hockey game. He wasn’t called “Killer” for nothing. Then again, his dad wasn’t called “Knuckles” for nothing either.

“What do you want me to say?” Kendall demanded.

“The truth!” Riley shot back. “How you’re really feeling! You fucking hate him; I know you do. But you don’t hate him for us, you hate him for you!” She jabbed him in the chest with her fingertip. “I hate him for what he did to you and Katie. And I don’t even know him! You’re his son and he did that to you! With Rob…your dad was just doing his job. But for you…he wasn’t doing his job as a dad.”

Kendall dropped his hands back to his sides, then folded his arms. He was silent for a long moment. “Do you want to hear how I got tired of hearing my mom cry every night? When she thought Katie and I couldn’t hear her? Where I saw her stressing out over bills and charges? Where I thought about dropping out of hockey because I knew how expensive it was? How I had to live up to his name over and over because it was all people wanted to talk about? How I always had to hear ‘you’re just like your father?’ and cringe inside? How much I don’t like to look in the mirror because I look like him? How I often wonder if my mannerisms are his or if they’re mine? How I hate how angry I am at him and that I hate how everything Gustavo’s ever said to me just reminds me of him? How, as much as I hate him, there’s a tiny part of me that wonders if this time…” he trailed off, his voice cracking badly, the pressure lessening. “If this time is the time he decides to stay? And I have to act like…like none of that happened? And I have to pretend like nothing’s wrong if he leaves again?

“ I don’t…I can’t…” Kendall brought his hands up to the sides of his head, grasped his hair. His chest heaved, tears trickling over his cheeks. “I can’t take the pressure.” He sank to the floor and pressed his face into his hands. Hated that he was crying and equally hating it was his dad that was making him do it.

He slid to the floor, bringing up his legs and hid his face behind his arms. Allowed the tears to flow as long as they would go. He felt Riley sit down next to him before she put her arm around his shoulders, resting her head against his.

They sat that way for a long time. He had no idea how long. All he could focus was on the throbbing in his back and shoulders that slowly ebbed away with each pulse of his heart. Starting off strong then simmered. A gesture like that, one that his mother usually would give him, would’ve sent him running. (More likely to the hockey rink, where he would’ve done laps until he was dripping with sweat and exhausted). But he simply collapsed into Riley’s shoulder, resting his head under her chin, in the crook of her neck.

“You’re lucky,” Kendall murmured. “Your parents are dead. They can’t let you down.”

Riley’s voice was flat. “Yeah, not being able to have them at any of our milestones…let alone to meet you…I have no idea what being let down means.”

Kendall sucked in a sharp breath, briefly closing his eyes. Was almost too ashamed to open his eyes again, afraid of the ferocity of the anger she’d deserve to throw his way if she wanted. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean--”

She raised her hand, cutting him off. Not out of anger, but compassion. A tearful compassion that showed she completely understood what he meant and didn’t hate him for it. “Don’t be sorry, Hockey-Head,” she said. “This isn’t about me.”

“I don’t want him in my life.”

“You don’t have to want him in your life. Not just because he’s your dad. Just keep the people you want around.” With the hand by his head, she tapped him on the side of the head. “You’re in control of your life and who’s in it, Kendork.” He chuckled, lightly rolling his eyes at the use of one of her many nicknames for him. “Don’t give anyone else that power.”

Kendall nodded.

He brought up his hand and grasped hers, squeezing it.

His shoulders slumped.

The pain went away.

Relief.

He was fine.

Kendall lifted his head and looked at her. “How did you do that?” He asked.

Riley smiled.

Tag List: @partiallypearl @witchofinterest @mystic-scripture @darknightfrombeyond @arrthurpendragon

#big time rush #big time rush oc #btr #kendall knight #oc: riley jackson #fc: kaya scodelario #tw: child abuse #tw: deadbeat dad #tw: neglect #tw: parentification #tw: parent death #by: riley #this idea wouldn't leave me alone #hope you liked a little bit of kiley fluff #kiley #otp; kiley #otp: knight light #otp: hockey head and surfer babe

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rose-demica · 1 month ago

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Heya! So I stumbled across another A/B/O / Omegaverse story app and got hooked on one of the stories. Then the thought came to me, where would Kyoya Ootori fit if he were in that universe? The answer? I don't know... I would love to here other peoples opinion! Let's discuss where Kyoya would fit?

Here though, is the one shot that spawned from that thought and wouldn't leave me alone until it was written. Huge thanks to the amazing @mariekoukie6661 for checking over this and making sure I had my omegaverse facts right. (I did not, and now might need to do more research). Divider a gift from the lovely @buckys-zomdoll.

Fandom: Ouran High Host Club

Pairing: Kyoya Ootori x Violetta Tatsuya (OC, part of a larger fic that will appear one day).

Kyoya frowns, catching Violetta as she glances at him, before returning her gaze to her manilla folder and giggling. She’s been doing it for the past - 8 minutes and 43 seconds by his count, and he’s had quite enough. What could she possibly be doing that was causing this much amusement? She had barely said hello, and hadn’t gotten up to greet him when he arrived, instead folding her folder shut while he came to her. She’d given him the briefest kiss before apologising, saying she really needed to finish up with this case and then she’d be all his. Not abnormal, he often had to wait, and he didn’t mind, he had more than enough to do himself of course. But laughing!? At him? Is this really a case? Has his father done something embarrassing and he has yet to hear about it?

He looks up, locking on those violet eyes and holding them in place when she looks at him again. She meets his gaze, laughter making her eyes sparkle more than they normally did. He watches the micro-expressions on her face as she tries to repress her laughter, but soon enough her nose crinkles as pearls of laughter escape her lips, head thrown back.

“THATS IT!” He stands, snapping his laptop shut. “What is so funny?” He expects her laughter to stop, but it doesn’t, she only laughs harder, doubling over before falling off her chair. He waits, clenching his jaw as his anger grows.

“Wait-” Violetta gasps, holding up a hand, visable over her desk. “I need help.” Not one to deny his lady in need, Kyoya steps around the desk, offering Violetta a hand, She takes it, leaving the folder on the ground as he helps her to her feet, an arm wrapping around her waist and holding her to him.

“Pray tell,” He speaks through gritted teeth, hooking a finger under her chin and lifting her gaze to his. “What could possibly be so amusing about me?” There are tear tracks through the makeup on her cheeks, liquid simmering in her eyes as she squeezes them shut, trying to muffle the giggle that rattles through both of them.

“Alright, so-” She doesn’t open her eyes as she starts to speak. “I’m working on a copyright case involving stories-”

“Wait, what branch of law do you work in?” He thought she did business law, but she’s been looking at all sorts of cases recently.

“Business mostly.” She opens her eyes to look at him, smiling a little, but not breaking down into laughter this time. “But I check over lots of cases, from all branches. My firm offers everything after all.” He nods, and she waits a moment before continuing. “Have you heard of something called Omegaverse?” The blank look on his face is answer enough, and he watches the corners of her lips twitch. “Sylvia’s complained about it a few times. Essentially there are werewolves, and within those werewolves, they’re split into groups. The one I’m working in just have Alpha’s and Beta’s, but some have Omega’s. Alpha’s are big boss wolves, generally lead the pack, generally only one in a pack. Beta’s are their right hand, Omega’s are just normal wolves, although sometimes they are abused and treated as servants.”

“I do know how the Greek alphabet goes, my love.” He replies, so far none of this explains why she is laughing so hysterically at him.

“Don’t interrupt me.” Violetta raises an eyebrow, daring him to keep speaking, but he stays quiet, which only causes her to burst into laughter once more.

“Violetta.” He growls warningly, “You’re testing my patience.” She takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down once more.

“Right. It’s ridiculously sexist by the way. Most of what I could find are on those reading apps you have to either pay for or wait a stupidly long time for. And of those, rarely ever is there a female alpha, they mainly serve as Luna, which is just basically the Alpha’s mate. But, why can’t a female be Alpha, or Beta in their own right, why do they need to rely on a man? I really need to find a bunch with a female Alpha just to see-

“Violetta.” He cuts her off before she can start rambling about it. This still hasn’t explained why she’s laughing at him.

“And also this mate thing. I get the whole theory, you have a soul mate - or sometimes several, which just seems counterproductive. And if you did have a soul mate, someone who is perfect for you in every sense of the word why would you reject them? Not only that, but they frame your mate as being a gift from the moon goddess, so isn’t rejecting them therefore also rejecting and spitting in the face of your goddess like-” He presses his lips against hers, silencing her. Her body softens in his hold, leaning into him, a hand sliding into his hair as she kisses him back.

“Why were you laughing at me?” He whispers, pulling away from her.

“Not at you per say-” He cuts her off with another kiss. “I haven’t even mentioned the mate bonding thing yet-”

“They bite each other on a special gland that cements their bond and makes it known to the whole world. Generally while having sex.” He interrupts, her eyes go wide as she looks up at him.

“You did know!” Violetta steps back out of his hold, stooping to pick up the folder from the floor. This time it’s him chuckling at her. “You would have your answer by now if you’d said so!”

“This is more amusing.” There is no way he’s telling her exactly how or why he knows about this whole ordeal. ”So.” He takes a step towards her, ducking his head and staring intently. “Why?” She gulps, taking a step back.

“I was hypothesising.” Violetta brings the folder between them, shielding herself. “You see, I’ve been trying to figure out where you would fit in the universe.” What? His feet stop moving, eyes going wide. “Theoretically you’d just say Alpha and be done right? But Kyo- you are just so amazing at being a Beta. I mean, if you look at the Host club, you’re absolutely the Beta. You defer to Tamaki, he has the ideas, you make them happen. Then in real life,.. Heck, you’d make a fantastic Luna.” He feels his jaw drop, but he can’t control it, can’t bring it back. She thinks he’d be a good Luna?! “I could be the alpha, I would have you as my Luna in a heartbeat.” He forces himself to close his jaw, back straightening. Violetta should take it as a warning, but she’s laughing at him, again! “But then you look at your Shadow empire, and Alpha doesn’t seem so far stretched.” She raises a hand to her eyes, dabbing at the tears that escape.

“Stop it.” He takes a step closer, but she doesn’t notice, eyes closed as she tries to control her giggles.

“But like, I just can’t imagine you as an alpha, barking orders, refusing to take smack from anyone, being all growl-y and possessive and demanding. It just... it doesn’t fit.” He reaches out, snatching the folder from her hands. Her eyes fly open just in time to see him fling it over his shoulder, paper flittering everywhere. “Kyoya!” He grabs her as she goes to move past him to collect it all back up, lifting her off her feet and throwing her onto her bed.

Her eyes are wide as she watches him stalk closer, mouth opening to say something before stopping. With one hand, Kyoya undoes his belt, pulling it through all the loops before throwing it aside.

“Not alpha enough?” He growls, dropping down onto the bed and crawling over her. A squeal leaves her lips as he tucks his head into her neck, jokingly biting before sucking the skin into his mouth. “I’ll show you.”