#this hug made me severely unwell

[gawin]

What’s wrong? I just missed you. I missed you too.

[ppssession]

Strong Men Gym

On a quiet night, Clyde is walking home from the gym on a lonely and scary path.

In the meantime, he felt eyes staring at him. He tried to run faster, but felt like he was running in the same place.

Suddenly, a large number of black hands grabbed him. Clyde, who was a strong man, felt weak. He tried to escape but failed.

Many hands grabbed him and ran their fingers over his muscles curiously. Suddenly, a voice whispered in his ear, “This is a good opportunity.”

Suddenly, Clyde woke up from his nightmare. His breathing became a little labored, but people outside could hear him. “Honey, are you okay?” Clyde’s young husband, Theo, who had lived with him for several years, greeted him with concern.

Clyde: It's okay, honey. I was just dreaming.

Theo showed a slightly worried look when he saw Clyde's tense expression. He said with concern, "Darling, are you sure you're okay if you're not feeling well? We can postpone our date."

Clyde smiled and pulled Theo into a hug. Our date today was going to be special. Clyde kissed Theo's neck like he always did. Just seeing your face made me feel so good.

Today Clyde and Theo are very happy, they dated in many beautiful places, it is a beautiful feeling for them like a flower in a beautiful field.

As they were heading home, he saw a new gym opening near their house. Remembering his nightmare last night, he chose to go to the gym here instead of the old one, which was quite far from home.

The next day he went to play at this fitness center. He was impressed when he found the modern, clean exercise equipment and the spacious area in the fitness center. There was a lot of air conditioning but there was no smell of sweat at all because of the special air conditioners.

When he finished playing, he decided to sign up for a fitness membership. It was great that this fitness center had a lot of options for people to exercise. He could play with people without being disturbed. Many of the rules were the same as his old gym.

But there is one rule that Clyde particularly likes: the gym offers free chicken breasts and protein for members, which saves him the trouble of having to go out and buy these items during his workout. Plus, the chicken breasts and protein here are of high quality.

After Clyde started going to the gym here, he really liked it. Whether it was the convenience or anything else, Clyde felt that his muscles looked noticeably better, even though it was strange that he always felt strangely comfortable after he finished going to the gym.

One day, while he was playing fitness as usual, he suddenly felt strangely unwell. He thought that it might be because his workload had increased, making him tired, so he decided to go to the fitness shower room and he didn't forget to take a picture in front of the mirror to post on social media as he likes to do.

When he took off his clothes to reveal his hot body, he slowly got into the shower and started to take a shower. He loved the feeling of the water running over his muscles, and the gym soap and shampoo had a very special smell.

When he finished washing his body, he was about to get out of the shower but he felt that his body was very heavy, causing him to bend down to the floor. When he felt that his body was getting heavier, his legs started to become uncontrollable.

His muscles visibly tensed, his arms became uncontrollable as if they weren't listening to his commands, his eyes rolled to the side, he started to groan, the vision gradually darkened, Clyde's body blacked out.

As time passed, Clyde's body slowly rose up as if nothing had happened, his face showing the utmost satisfaction. "This was worth the wait."

As time passed, Clyde's body slowly rose up as if nothing had happened, his face showing the utmost satisfaction. "This was worth the wait."

Clyde's body walked to the control panel for the staff to enter a special passcode for high-level members.

This is a top secret project of a rich man who has created a special nano cell that can penetrate every touch. This nano cell will enter the body of the person who touches it. It will gradually adjust the body and mind of the person who touches it to be ready for the possession.

However, due to the limitation that nanocells must be present in large quantities in the body, and the lifespan of nanocells is very short, in order for the host's body not to think that nanocells are a threat to the host's body, the host that will be possessed must receive nanocells regularly so that nanocells can still work effectively.When Clyde's body confirmed that he could possess Host's body, he received a message through the circuit board. He received, "Thank you for using our service. We will take care of your old body so that you can live comfortably. Please accept this."

Suddenly, a strange Sim popped up from the screen. Clyde pulled it out with a message that said, “A special Sim, if placed at the nape of its neck, will disintegrate. It will issue a command to the nanocell to access the host’s memories so that you can gain the host’s memories.”

He quickly did as the message said and soon he had all of Clyde's memories. He groaned in his throat as the memories flooded back to him.

Clyde, this body's name is Clyde, you have a cute little husband, I will take care of him. You probably don't know that ever since you came to this fitness center, you have received a large number of nano cells. Every machine you exercise, every chicken breast you eat, every protein you drink, every water you shower in the fitness center, even the soap or shampoo, everything in here has nano cells, even the air from the air conditioner. When he finished speaking, he noticed his erect penis.He began to masturbate by using his beautiful hands to quickly stroke his 13-inch cock up and down.Every time he touched a new cock, he felt like he was about to reach his climax. Soon, warm semen would shoot out from the tip of his cock and splash all over his chest. He used his tongue to lick the white liquid on his body. “It tastes so good. The taste of a real man.”When he cleaned himself up, the new Clyde was getting dressed. Instead of choosing the other clothes the real Clyde had prepared to change into after his workout, he called out to the original shirt that was sweaty and smelled like the real Clyde. He sniffed the sweaty smell of the shirt before putting it on. “This smells so manly.” When he was done putting it on, he walked out as if nothing had happened. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Clyde turned to take a picture of himself in the mirror. “I didn’t forget to take a selfie, haha.”

When they got home, the new Clyde didn't hesitate to rush in and kiss Theo hastily. I'm sorry, honey. I need it so bad right now. Theo, although slightly shocked that his husband's day seemed rushed, didn't refuse. He pushed his body against Clyde's erect penis in his pants. "Start, honey."

After a hot night of sex, Theo hears Clyde getting ready to go out the next morning. "Honey, where are you going?" Clyde turns around and answers immediately, straightforwardly.

I want to go play some sports with my friends. Will you allow it, my love?… Not right away, Clyde could speak. Theo answered quickly. “Sure, my love, but don’t be too late.” Clyde walked over and kissed his husband goodbye. Thank you for the hug.

When he left the house, the new Clyde didn't forget to take another selfie to share on his social media channels.

I am the same person in a new body. I am so excited to use my new body to play sports instead of my old fat body. Suddenly, a message popped up from his account, “You have received $1,000,000.” Great, the company works very fast. Now I have pocket money for my new one.

Oh but before I go play sports with my friends I have to deal with the hard penis in my pants first and luckily there is a bathroom nearby I will have a lot of fun with my new dick hahaha

Thank you for reading until now. I tried to write longer stories and add more details because I got some advice from my friends. I hope you guys like it. I'll push for the next story.

[ponderingmoonlight]

After your answer I feel more confident🥰Request about Nanami. He survived Shibuya, but suffered burns to his left side and eye. Nanami began to develop a complex and hide behind a layer of clothing. He thinks his girlfriend deserves better. But she thinks differently and is still ready to give him love🥺I saw such a fic once, but your hands will make this idea much better, I know

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reaching out and that absolutely adorable request! Please let me know what you think, I hope you'll like it. Don't hesitate to reach out again🤍

Nanami hiding his scars from his girlfriend after surviving Shibuya

Pairing: Nanami x fem!reader

Word Count: 1,6k

Synopsis: basically the request above lol

Warnings: if you need some comfort this one's for you, so much fluff I'm gonna faint

Tags: @hellkaiserinphoenix @polarbvnny @obeythebutler

It was a ride on razor’s edge. Yes, the Shibuya incident turned your life upside down. The countless injuries, Gojo being sealed, so many deaths.

And the love of your life almost losing his very own life through the hands of curses.

“Where is he, Megumi?”

“(y/n)…”

Your eyes filled with tears, that unwell feeling in your guts proved itself right all over again. You knew things weren’t going right when your boyfriend stopped replying. But that…Seeing Maki and that old man like that…

That was so much worse that you thought.

“Where. Is. He.”, you hissed through gritted teeth, the boy in front of you almost drowning in his own sweat.

“He’s back at Jujutsu High. When I last saw him…Things weren’t going well for Nanami…I…I don’t know if he’s still alive…”

You felt like fainting, throwing up, beating everything and everyone, crying in the corner. How? How did this happen? Your husband, a grade 1 sorcerer, so skilled that his sheer presence sends shivers down the spine of his opponents…Your fucking boyfriend.

On the brick of death?

Yes, it was a true blessing that he barely made it. Since that fateful day, you were on his side night in night out, talking him through the silence, holding his hand while Shoko changed his bandages. Until eventually, he was able to return back home. Back to your shared apartment, back into your normal everyday life.

But it was far away from being like it was before Shibuya. No, something inside Kento changed so drastically that you sometimes feel like you don’t know him anymore.

“Hey sweetheart”, he greets you softly, arms embracing you in a tight hug.

“Good morning”, you mumble, stretching out your longing arms to feel him a little closer.

Just before your hands are able to hold onto his biceps, he turns away again and leaves you alone in the bed. You stare at his covered back, sadness washing over you like a wave. Silently he stands up, busying himself with his wardrobe while all you can do is watch him closely in an desperate attempt to stop yourself from crying.

You have no idea when was the last time since you saw your boyfriend in a t-shirt, let alone shirtless. Since his burns aren’t covered in bandages anymore and his skin seems to be entirely healed into a scar, he hides his body from your hungry gaze very well. But why? This has to come to an end, right here and now.

You lift yourself off the bed, hugging his much larger frame from behind. God, it feels so good to press your head against his tight muscles, his delicious taste making you feel whole again.

It was hard to bear, the thought of losing him. Even days after he got burned to severely, Shoko wasn’t entirely sure if he’ll be able to make it. It became obvious that if he’ll survive, he will have to live with his left side covered in scare tissue for the rest of his life. And while your love for him and his body grew only stronger, you feel like this doesn’t apply to him. Yes, something inside you tells you that his change in behaviour might have something to do with that.

Why does he wear long-sleeved shirts all the time, while does he not allow you to see and feel his naked skin anymore, why does he seem to always turn away the left side of his face from you? It truly breaks your heart, knowing that he seems to have lost his self-confidence after surviving such a traumatic incident.

“Don’t turn away from me, love.”

Your fingers reach for the hem of his shirt, silently begging him to stay this one time, to allow your touch after months of turning you down.

“(y/n)”, he protests, body already on its way to shield itself from your longing hands.

“Why hiding from me when all I see is you?”, you question, hands intertwining with his.

“I’m not good enough for you.”

Softly, he pushes you away, walking into the living room while you try to process his words. Him, not good enough for you?

“Why would you even suggest something like that? Kento, please stop.”

Out of instinct you go after him, mind racing in thoughts. What is all of this about?

“You are such a stunning woman, your whole life is still ahead of you. Why waste your time with a scarred man like me? I have nothing to give you, (y/n). Not even beauty.”

You can’t believe your ears, mouth snapping open in pure shock.

“You have to be joking”, you breathe out, head shaking vehemently.

This is wrong in so many ways, almost an insult against humanity. Why would he say something so ridiculous?

“Look at me, (y/n)”, he blurts out.

With a swift motion he takes off his blue shirt, revealing the huge scar that covers the left side of his upper body entirely. His face darts towards you, completely twisted in agony.

“Why would a woman like you want a man like me? I don’t deserve your beauty, (y/n).”

“Stop it. Right now”, you reply so harshly that his mouth shuts in an instant.

With fast steps you cross the room, coming to a stand in front of his gorgeous body.

“This is the body of the man I love, of a man that fought hard in order to save countless people’s life. This is the body of the man I thought I’ve lost forever, the body of a man who always puts the well-being of others above his own. You, Kento Nanami, are the man I love. Even if you lost all your limbs, if you could no longer speak or see. Damn, even if you didn’t remember me, I would always choose you. Because you are the man who stole my heart entirely. These scars tell the story of what a brave man you are, what you survived despite everything spoke against it. I love every inch of your skin, no matter how scarred or wrecked.”

Your fingertips wander over his uninjured skin.

“From the part that I’ve touched so often…”

Slowly, you caress the scarred tissue on his right side, brushing over his shoulder, collarbone and buff chest while never taking your eyes off him.

“…to the part I have yet to discover.”

“Look at me, I am a crippled man. I look like someone out of a horror movie-“

“You look like a hero to me”, you interrupt him immediately.

It’s hard to keep your composure when the man you love more than anything else in this world stands in front of you with his face twisted in agony. God, if he only knew how beautiful he is, how you feel even closer to him since the Shibuya incident. Why isn’t he able to see himself through your eyes, why does he have to suffer even after surviving his burns?

“Why can’t you understand that you’re all that I want?”

Your voice cracks, tears now streaming down your face. The sheer thought of losing him alone makes you die from the inside. No other man will ever be able to replace him. Why would you leave Kento anyway? He still looks absolutely irresistible to your hungry gaze, the way his tight muscles flex underneath his shirts making your knees go weak just like always. And that scars just add to your affection towards him.

“Please, don’t hide from me. Let me love you with your scars and everything else. In my eyes, you will always be the man I fell in love with.”

And for the first time since knowing him, you the grown man in front of you break down in tears. His arms wrap around you hungrily, pressing you against his own body as if you’re air and he can’t breathe. Yes, you are the light to his darkness, the sun after rain. What would he do without you? Where would he be without you by his side? Through all these hellish weeks you stood with him, making sure he’s feeling well. Will he ever be able to thank you enough for that? Never.

“I love you more than words can say”, he breathes against your outer ear.

“God, how much I love you, (y/n)…”

“Please believe me when I say that I love you just the way you are, Kento. You will always be enough for me. A few scars won’t change that.”

His eyes lock with yours and there is no doubt that you are telling the truth. Yes, you really do love him the way he is. Even if his skin is scarred through the hands of fire, even if he’ll never look like the man you’ve met first. In the glimmer of your eyes he will always be Kento Nanami.

“So you’ll stay with me even though I look like this?”

You wrap your arms around him again, your head laying against his scarred chest. Oh, how much you missed the feeling of being skin to skin with him, how much your hungry gaze longed for him all bare.

“I’d say I even love you a little more since Shibuya”, you reply.

Gently, you cup his face with your hands. Yes, a few scars here and there won’t change the beauty you see within the man in front of you.

“You are my everything, (y/n).”

His lips brush against yours, arms caging you against his body.

God, how much you love that man. More than the entire earth.

[rubysunnday]

but who could stay?

a/n: i'm erasing colin's 'lover boy' atttidue (or however you describe it) because it was the least colin thing i've seen imo. like, my man travels bc he doesn't want to be the ogling of the ton... anyways

summary: Every time Colin Bridgerton returned from travelling the world, there was always an urge inside him to run away again as soon as he could. There was only one woman who could make him stay. Y/N Barrett waited for Colin, but he never stayed long enough for her to tell him her feelings. Now she is engaged and about to enter a loveless marriage arranged by her parents. All she wants is for Colin to stay in London long enough to realise the truth of their relationship.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

masterlist | tip jar

Every year, after the debutantes had walked in front of the queen, there was a garden party. Open to everyone, it gave the debutantes an opportunity to further make their mark on the ton as well as allowing other attendees to catch up with friends after a few months away from London.

Colin had been away for longer than just a few months. As soon as Anthony had married Kate, he had been on the first ship over to France.

It wasn't that he didn't like London - he did. Nothing would ever compare to his home city - the gas lamps in the November fog, the bright blue skies after days of endless rain.

Yet, he never felt at peace in London. There was always an urge inside him to up and leave. To travel as far away as he could and not stop until he fell off the edge of the world.

Perhaps it was fear of comitting to a life in one place. Perhaps he was just trying to escape the future that had been planned out for him since he was born.

Perhaps, he had yet to find a reason to stay.

Now that he was back in town, the urge to leave had resurfaced once again. Everywhere he looked, women were staring at him, debutantes were waving and gaving him coy smiles.

Colin awkwardly smiled back and then promptly turned around. He always felt uncomfortable when the attention suddenly became solely on him. He wasn't entirely sure why - he liked women and he liked flirting - but when every woman in the ton came at him at once, it felt predatory.

He knew they were only interested in him for his money (or what he had left of it) and his name. None were interested in Colin the Explorer or Colin the Writer.

Except one.

"Colin!!" Y/N Barrett exclaimed, her eyes lighting up as he walked toward her. "You are back at last!" She reached up and wrapped her arms around Colin's neck, pulling him in for a tight but quick hug. "You could have told me!"

"Apologies," Colin said, smiling at her as she stepped back. "I only just made it back in time for Francesca's debut."

Y/N's gloved hand trailed down his arm. "I am glad you are back," she told him, squeezing his hand once more before letting go. "It has been dull without you."

"Anything exciting happen whilst I was gone?" Colin asked, offering his arm to Y/N - a silent invitation to promenade around the gardens.

"Well, Alice Carey got married to Lord Carlson and then promptly gave birth to a son about four months later." Y/N raised her eyebrows at him. "Easy math there."

"Indeed," Colin muttered. "Has anyone called her bluff yet?"

Y/N shook her head. "No, she has been 'unwell' the last few months and has yet to reappear amongst the ton." She tilted her head to Colin and lowered her voice, "but rumour says she is pregnant yet again... with another man's baby."

"Has Lady Whistledown written of these rumours?"

"You and I both know she will not," Y/N replied with a quick roll of her eyes. "Not only had she not been seen since last season, she has changed her column entirely and now writes exclusively in support of the debutantes! I do not understand how you can go from writting rumours and scandal and causing the public downfall of several well known figures to... well, promoting other women!"

"Perhaps she has had a change of heart," Colin suggested.

"Leopards rarely change their spots, mon ami," Y/N said softly. "Anyway, enough about scandal and rumour," she extracted her arm from his and turned to face him, "how are you?"

Colin stopped walking. He looked at her, her gentle smile, her bright eyes. "I am... okay."

"Just okay?" Y/N asked, her brow furrowing slightly.

"I want to leave again," Colin admitted quietly. "Already, women are staring at me and eyeing me up as if I am their dinner. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable, to be honest. I know that all they want is Colin Bridgerton and not just Colin."

Y/N gave him a sympathetic smile. "Does it help that I am only interested in Colin?"

Colin found his lips curving up into a smile. "It does," he told her, "more than I can say. Which reminds me."

He reached a hand into the pocket of his coat - a coat that Hyacinth had kindly nicknamed his 'pirate coat' - and pulled out a dark velvet bag pulled taught by a silver tassel. Colin held it out to Y/N and she took it with her lilac gloved hands.

"You bought me a present?" Y/N exclaimed, holding the bag as if it was glass.

"I did not want you to feel left out," Colin said, his smile widening as Y/N stared in awe at the bag.

"Colin, it's beautiful!"

"Oh, the bag isn't the gift," Colin said quickly. "The gift is inside the bag."

Y/N's cheeks burnt with embarrassment. "Oh, yes, of course."

She carefully pulled open the bag and turned it upside down, tipping whatever was inside into the palm of her hand. Out tumbled a pair of silver embroidery scissors, engraved to look like a bird.

"Oh, Colin, they're gorgeous," Y/N whispered. "Where did you find them?"

Colin's smile grew. "A shop in Spain. They had other types but... well, they were different."

He had to confess, he was utterly delighted at her reaction. He knew Y/N loved her embroidery - she had endless baskets of thread and material and often sat in the park working on her current project. For his birthday, Y/N had gifted him a hand embroidered waistcoat featuring different birds and flowers from across the globe. Colin had taken it with him on his travels, wearing it as often as he could.

So, when he had seen the little embroidery scissors in the store, he knew he head to buy them. He had carried them around for six months and now, finally, they were in her hands.

"I have needed new scissors for a while," Y/N told him, her eyes still focused on the scissors. She gently turned them over in her hand, the metal glinting in the sunlight. "Thank you, Colin."

A voice interrupted the moment, carrying across the garden. "Y/N, my love."

Y/N looked over her shoulder, giving the man who had called her name a smile.

"Who is that?" Colin asked, looking at the man - who was signifcantly older than Y/N.

Y/N sighed as she turned back to face him. "Mr Catesby. The man I am courting," she told him softly. "Mama set us up. I have been out for three years and she expected me to be married in year one and having a baby by year three."

She was trying to smile but Colin could see that it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Do you love him?"

"I do not think love is possible," Y/N told him, glancing over her shoulder again. She turned back to Colin. "Friendship, perhaps but never love."

Silence fell around them for a moment. All Colin wanted to do was reach out his hand and hold hers. But he knew he couldn't. This was how it would be from now on - always near his side but just out of reach.

"I should go," Y/N said softly. "Thank you, again, for these. I will cherish them, I promise."

Y/N turned around and, with one last glance over her shoulder at Colin, walked toward Catesby and her future with him.

Colin couldn't look away. He knew he should because, really, what was staring going to do.

Y/N didn't look happy or sad as she stood next to Catesby, putting her arm through his. Whilst she smiled and laughed, none of it reached her eyes. She was pretending and Colin was the only one who could tell.

"You have to look away at some point," Francesca said softly, appearing at his side.

Colin swallowed heavily. "I know."

Francesca reached down and held his hand gently. "Why won't you?"

"I don't know," he eventually replied, forcing himself to look away and at his younger sister. He forced himself to grin at her. "Come along, I'm hungry."

Days turned into weeks and soon Colin hadn't spoken to Y/N for over a fortnight. He had seen her across the room at parties and balls, always at the side of Catesby.

Even though she wasn't happy, she still looked beautiful. Her dresses shimmered in the candlelight and when she did laugh, Colin could just picture her smile along with it.

Ever since he had found out she was being courted, Colin had retreated into himself. He spent long hours in his study, writing and drawing and wondering about what could have been.

His heart broke that little bit more the night of his mother's ball when Catesby announced their engagement. Y/N had smiled, sparkling under the lights once more in a dark blue gown and matching silk gloves. But Colin knew better. He could see how tense she was, how loosely she held Catesby's hand in hers - the way her eyes kept straying over to him.

Benedict and Anthony flocked him as they approached to give their congratulations. They bowed together and Colin was grateful that his brother's did all of the talking - speaking loud enough and quick enough so that neither Catesby nor Y/N's parents noticed Colin's silence.

Y/N did, though. She held his gaze the entire time and there was so much sadness within it, so much regret, that Colin nearly ripped her from Catesby's grip and pulled her to his side, threatening the man with a duel if he dared come closer.

Instead, he maintained his silence, giving a brief bow when they were finally dismissed. Colin refused to look back, focusing his gaze on the table of lemonade and sweet treats jutting out from the far wall.

"Colin, are you alright?" Benedict asked, raising his eyebrows slightly at his silent brother.

"Yes, why would I not be?" Colin said, picking up a glass of lemonade from the table.

"You are being unusually sullen and silent," Benedict replied.

Colin turned around to face his brother. HIs gaze flittered past him and over to Y/N. "Nothing's the matter."

Benedict caught Colin's wayward gaze and turned his head. His own gaze softened a little as he turned back to his brother. "It isn't too late," he said quietly.

Colin laughed humourlessly. "Really? She is an engaged woman, Benedict."

"Were you even around last season?" Benedict raised his eyebrows. "Anthony almost married someone else entirely - he got as far as the altar, Colin."

"That was different?"

"How so?"

Colin let out a frustrated sigh. "Because it just was. Who is to say Y/N would even be interested in my hand?"

"Who's to say she wouldn't?" Benedict looked at his brother. "Answer me this. Every time you come home, you immediately have the urge to flee again. Do you still have that urge when you're with Y/N?"

The silence that followed answered Benedict's question perfectly, Colin knew that. He eyed his brother. "I cannot do that to her, Benedict. I cannot."

"Well," Benedict sighed, "you are a better man than me, brother." He squeezed Colin's shoulder and turned to go, leaving him alone by the refreshment table.

Colin looked over at Y/N again. She had moved and was now walking onto the dance floor, hand in Catesby's. It hurt him more than he was prepared to admit. Yet, it would be so easy to walk over to her and take her hand from his - to confess all his feelings in a flurry of words and doe-eyed expressions. But the scandal that would cause - the ramfication's that could have on Y/N... Colin couldn't do that to her.

It would also be easy to simply walk away, leave the country and pretend he had never met her. Colin knew that nothing he did would ever mean he could forget her. He thought about her everywhere he went, from the churches of Florence to the waters of Athens.

Colin groaned quietly. He tilted his head back and swallowed the rest of the lemonade in a big gulp, wincing at the bitter taste. He set the cup down on the table and stepped away from the wall.

Weaving through the crowds, he spotted his eldest brother standing by the open french doors, Kate by his side. Colin heistated for a second, not wanting to darken Anthony's door with his issues. But the last time he had struggled with issues of the heart, he had given him some startlingly clear advice and he needed that again.

"Colin!" Kate exclaimed, her eyes lighting up as he approached. She pulled her arm from Anthony's and hugged Colin tightly.

Colin squeezed her back as hard as he dared, knowing Anthony was watching his every move like an over-protective swan. "How are you?" He asked, reluctantly letting go.

Kate puffed out her cheeks, hand straying to her stomach. "Coping," she replied. "He, however," she nodded at Anthony, "is not."

"I am allowed to be stressed," Anthony muttered, hand resting against Kate's waist. "It is very overwhelming, but exciting," he added, noting his wife's worried look.

Colin instantly felt guilty. He knew Anthony was overwhelmed. Trying to run the household, keep an eye on Francesca and Eloise all whilst being concerned for his wife and unborn child was more than enough trouble.

"What's wrong?" Anthony asked, noting Colin's distant gaze.

"Oh, nothing," Colin told him with a shake of his head. "Sorry, I should -"

Kate reached out and grabbed his hand by the wrist, pulling him back to them. "Colin, stop." She gave him a gentle smile, cupping the side of his cheek with one hand. "Come, let's go for a walk."

Kate put her arm through Colin's and let him lead her out into the gardens of Bridgerton House. It was still daylight, though the sun had descended. A few couples stood around the grass and patio but it was otherwise quiet.

"I assume this is about Y/N," Kate said, pulling her purple silk shawl tighter around her arms.

Colin nodded, leaning against the stone balustrade. He crossed his arms, a heavy sigh escaping him. "I do not know what to do. I should have stayed, made my intentions clear but I did not and now... now I do not know."

Kate pushed herself up and onto the balustrade, sitting on top of it, her feet dangling down. "What is your heart telling you to do?"

"To steal her away from him and marry her tonight," Colin admitted. "But I cannot do that."

"Why not?"

"Because she is engaged. I cannot bring that scandal to her, Kate, I just..." Colin closed his eyes. "What if she does not return my feelings and I ruin her one chance at marriage?"

"But what if she does?" Kate said softly. "What if she does return those feelings and she spends the rest of her life with you rather than a man she does not love?"

Colin looked at her. "Can I take that risk?"

"Anthony and I were plagued by scandal last year," Kate said quietly, hand resting on her slightly swollen stomach. "Things should never have gone as far as they did but it did not stop us from finding our true happiness. If you want her, Colin, then go and get her. She is right there, waiting."

Five minutes later, Colin was back inside the house, searching everywhere for any sign of Y/N.

He still wasn't sure if he had the courage to tell Y/N the truth. Whilst he knew she wasn't happy, happiness was a minor issue when it came to marriage. The status and money Catesby would give her was more than Colin could ever hope to offer in a lifetime.

But he could give her happiness and he could give her love. Surely, that was worth something?

Yet, as he stood against the landing wall, watching Kate and Anthony waltz together, he knew what he had to do.

Y/N stood by herself, near the table laden with food. Colin spotted her as soon as he walked down the stairs. She wore a dark green gown, one that matched his jacket perfectly.

He tried to approach her first thing but his mother grabbed his arm and whisked him off in the opposite direction, gabbling at him about eligible women and debutantes and flowers.

Y/N had noticed Colin as soon as he'd walked in the room. His jacket matched her dress and all she wanted to do was approach him and ask him to take her far away from here.

She was overwhelmed with wedding preparations and plans for her to move to Catesby's estate in Dorset. Her mother had not allowed her a moment's peace. Sleep refused to come at night and Y/N lay awake, regret and panic growing inside her as the date of her wedding grew ever closer.

The engagement had been a shock. Y/N herself had not actually spoken the word 'yes' aloud, her mother had done that for her. She had blindly followed along, allowing Catesby to place the ring on her finger and brag to his friends that he would soon be a father.

A father. Never mind a husband or a man in love. Just a father.

Because, whilst he was not a bad man, all Catesby wanted was a son to continue his line. That was all Y/N was to him, all this relationship was to him - making an heir.

Y/N had known this marriage would never be one built on love. But a foolish part of her had hoped that, maybe, they would find love together. Seeing Catesby now, flirting with other women and bragging to his friends, she knew that there would never be love.

She plastered a smile to her face as yet another person approached her to congrulate her on her engagement. Exhaustion was beginning to pull at her body, the sleepless nights and endless trips to the modiste finally catching up with her.

"You could at least try and look happy," her mother muttered, suddenly appearing beside her.

Y/N sighed softly, blinking the pull of sleep away. "Sorry."

"Honestly, when was the last time you slept, you look dreadful."

Thank you, mother Y/N thought, trying not to roll her eyes.

"I need you to look beautiful for this wedding," her mother continued, "there is a lot riding on this marriage for this family. Do not mess it up. Ah, Lady Cowper!" Y/N's mother crowed, rushing over to greet her friend.

Y/N needed to leave. She glanced around the room, checking that everyone was preoccupied and then made a swift dart for the corridor running behind the stairs. The room had been warm when she'd walked in but it had only gotten hotter in the hours since. Her head was aching, her heart was pounding and her hands would not stop shaking.

She didn't know what had come over her. There was no reason for her to be acting like this - all she was doing was getting married. But there were so many things wrong with the marriage and with Catesby and with her mother's obsession of wanting a grandchild that Y/N could not go through with it.

The corridor was quiet and signifcantly cooler than the ballroom. Y/N leant her back against the wall and took a deep breath in, desperate to calm herself down and reinstate her happy facade.

"Y/N."

Of course, Y/N thought, turning her head and watching Colin Bridgerton approach her. Of course he appears now.

"Colin, I do not -"

"I have to talk to you," Colin said firmly, coming to an abrupt stop at her side. "Please."

Y/N closed her eyes. She felt sick. The pounding in her head was only getting worse and she couldn't remember the last time she had eaten anything.

"Please, Y/N, I beg -"

"Yes, alright!" Y/N exclaimed, silencing Colin. "Come with me."

She led him back up the stairs - not an abnormal sight since many guests had seeked solace in the front room of Bridgerton house - and down the corridor into an empty room.

"Colin, whatever you want to say to me, please make it quick," Y/N told him, pushing him into the room and pulling the door to. "I cannot disappear from my own engagement party for long."

"You do not love him."

Y/N frowned at Colin. "I told you this earlier -"

"Just... say it again."

"No, I do not love him," Y/N told him, her voice soft. "But that does not mean I can walk away from this marriage."

"What if you had someone else to walk to?" Colin asked, moving toward her.

Y/N stared at him. "Colin, what do you... why..."

"The reason I travel, Y/N, is because I have never felt at home anywhere," Colin said. He took a deep breath in, steeling his nerves and forcing himself to not back down. "Every time I came back, I would have the urge to run away again until I reached the edge of the world. But each time I came back and I saw you, I suddenly felt as if I finall had a reason to stay."

Y/N felt as if all her air had been stolen from her. She stared at Colin - that was all she could do. Here he was, confessing his heart to her and all she could think about was how angry her mother would be, how much scandal it would cause and also how much the room was beginning to spin.

"I could not let you go off into this marriage without giving you a choice," Colin continued, moving a step closer. "I love you, Y/N, I have done for a long time. I wish that I had not spent so long away because maybe things could have gone differently. Perhaps this would be our engagement ball instead. Perhaps it still can be.

"I know that this is asking a lot of you and I know that with this choice scandal will come. But I will stand by you through it all, Y/N. No matter what the ton say, no matter what they do, I will not leave your side. You deserve to be happy and you deserve the right for this to be your decision."

Y/N looked at Colin. Hope was clear as day in his eyes. She had wanted this confession from him for so long and here it was. The circumstances were awful and scandal was calling and her parents would hate her and the ton would give her the look they reserved only for the worse offenders and -

"Y/N? Are you alright?" Colin asked, concern replacing the hope in his eyes. Her skin had lost colour dramatically quick and she was beginning to sway.

Y/N swallowed, nausea growing. She blinked, looking past Colin and at the window. No, that too was spinning.

"Is the room spinning for you?" Y/N asked, her voice quiet.

Colin frowned. "No. Is it for you?"

"A little," Y/N admitted. "I think I might need a moment."

She took a step forward but the room tilted dramatically to the side and hazy black spots filled her vision. Y/N mentally braced herself to hit the carpeted floor and for her body to ache but hands wrapped around her waist, guiding down.

Colin knelt on the floor, resting Y/N's back against his chest. He was never great when it came to dealing with poorly people - his siblings could attest to that. He himself was a terrible patient, incapable of waiting until he was better and always pushing himself before he was ready.

But this was Y/N - his Y/N. Her skin was clammy and lacking colour and her hand was shaking as she tried to grip his. And he had no idea what to do.

They couldn't simply stay in here, someone else might walk in and then there would be a whole other scandal.

Then, an idea came into Colin's head. There was one place he knew no one would stray into. One place that would shield them for just a little longer.

"Come on," Colin whispered. "I've got you."

He put one arm around her shoulders and slipped his other under her legs, lifting her up into his arms. With one foot, he nudged open the door. The upstairs corridor was quiet. Colin snuck out, keeping his footfall as light as he possibly could.

His bedroom wasn't far away. In fact, it was only three doors down the corridor. As he pushed open the door, Colin thanked his past self for forgetting to close the door properly.

It was cooler inside than it was anywhere else in the house. His windows were open, the net curtains blowing gently in the summer breeze. A small fire crackled in the hearth, giving off enough light to chase away the darkness.

With as much care as he could, Colin lay Y/N down on his bed, laying her head on his pillow. He absently brushed his fingers along her cheek as he straightened and her eyes slowly opened, looking up at him.

"Has the room stopped spinning yet?" Colin asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, his hand resting against her leg.

Y/N hummed softly. "Partly," she told him. "I still feel awful."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"I do not remember," Y/n replied. At Colin's raised eyebrows, Y/N let out a tired sigh. "Mama has kept me so busy and I have hardly slept these last few weeks. Oh, Colin" she said, her head finallycatching up with what had just happened, "I can only apologise for -"

"Do not be silly," Colin told her, reaching up and taking her hand in his. "Our bodies can only handle so much."

"But fainting? That is just... mortifiying!"

Colin chuckled. "When I was in Spain, I fainted in the middle of dinner with a very important noble because I had spent too long in the sun and not looked after myself. My face was bright pink and sun burnt and I felt awful for days after." He shook his head, laughing softly. Colin squeezed her hand. "What I am saying is that we all forget to look after ourselves sometimes. You have a better reason than me, however."

Y/N pushed herself up, letting Colin pull her forward until she was sat cross legged on the bed. He kept a steady hand on her upper arm until she gave him a reassuring smile, confirming that she wasn't about to spontaneously collapse again.

"If this engagement is making you this unwell," Colin said quietly, "is it worth it?"

Y/N sighed softly. She rubbed the pad of her thumb back and forth across Colin's knuckles. "No, it is not."

"Then what is holding you back?" Colin asked. He leant his head forward, seeking her gaze. "Tell me."

"I am scared," Y/N admitted with a small shrug, looking down at the bed. "I am scared of the consequences that will come with calling off this engagement."

Colin gently tilted her chin up until she was looking at him. "What else? Because there is something else, I can tell."

Y/N swallowed heavily. She closed her eyes for a moment. "My mother is determined to make this work," she said softly, opening her eyes again. "She keeps reminding me about how much is riding on this marriage, the things it will do to our family. I am terrified of her reaction if I do not go through with it. What if my family disown me? That will be an even bigger scandal than calling off the engagement!"

"What if she does not?" Colin suggested. "What if everything falls into place?"

Y/N shook her head. Her eyes were glistening with tears as she looekd at Colin. "But what if it doesn't?" She asked quietly, her voice almost lost to the night air.

"Then I will stand by your side no matter what," Colin replied, taking both her hands in his. He held them as if they were the most precious things in the world - because they were. "No matter what happens, you will always have me and you will always have my family, I promise you."

Uncertainty still lingered in Y/N's eyes. Colin knew he was asking much of her but she deserved a happy, loving marriage with someone who loved her. She desered to have a choice.

"You deserve to be happy, Y/N," Colin said softly. "Do not ever think otherwise."

"You promise to stay?" Y/N asked, her voice quiet and small. She looked at him. "Because, every time I thought I was ready to tell you I loved you, you disappeared, Colin. Then, I wouldn't see you for months and... I cannot do this if you are going to leave me again the moment we are married."

Colin leant forward and pressed a kiss to her forehad, his right hand holding the back of her neck. "I promise," he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers, "to never leave you again. Together until the end of our days."

Y/N smiled at that, relaxing into Colin's hold. "Okay," she said, her voice certain for the first time all night. "Are you going to ask me, then?"

Colin released her and stood up from the bed. He moved over to his desk and pulled out a drawer, rumaging through it until he found what he was looking for.

"I picked it up in Florence," Colin said, coming back over to the bed. "Because I had decided that when I got back, I would take your hand as mine. I thought for a moment I would never get to do this but..."

He trailed off, looking up from the ring box. Y/N was still sat on his bed, her smile slowly growing. Colin clicked open the lid and knelt down on one knee, extending the box out to her.

"I know I left and for that I am deeply sorry," he said quietly. "It took me this long to realise that you were my reason to stay. So, Y/N Barrett, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

Y/N nodded, her smile reaching her eyes and crinkling the corners. "Yes," she whispered, holding out her left hand, "of course I will."

Colin pulled the golden band out, the moonstone set in the centre catching the light of the fire. He slipped it onto her finger, pleasantly surprised to discover that it fit perfectly.

"Perfect fit," Y/N said, holding her hand up. She looked back at him. "It is as if it knew."

Colin grinned. He took her hand in his, thumb trailing over the ring. "Perhaps it did."

[roxygen22]

A sick Lee maybe on a road trip to a vacation spot and he starts feeling unwell during the drive and he worries about ruining all the fun they are supposed to have but Reader reassures him and they still end up having a good time even though Lee is ill

Thanks 😊 love you 😘

Love you, too!

Anywhere

You were walking along the corn field's edge, stretching your legs after the long hours in the truck, when suddenly you felt strong arms grab you from the side and pull you into a near crushing hug. Your shriek was cut short by a hand over your mouth.

"Gotcha!" the source of your favorite voice in the world teased. Lee pecked you on the cheek, then let you free. You playfully scowled at him and punched him in the arm as you caught your breath.

"You really ought to pay more attention to your surroundings. I could have been a predator, you know," Lee continued. He let out a cute growl and crouched like he was about to pounce. But instead, he grabbed your hand and pulled you down to lay in the tall stalks and stare at the clouds. The two of you spent several minutes in companionable silence, hidden from the world, just holding hands, before he rolled over on his side to look at you.

"If you could go absolutely anywhere in the Lower 48, where would you go?" he asked, twirling a finger into a strand of your loose hair.

You bit your lip and looked up at the clear blue sky in thought. A wave of excitement flashed across your face and disappeared just as quickly.

"You made your idea face. Where is it?" he prodded.

You sat up and hugged your knees. "It's too far," you lamented.

"Just tell me." He looked up at you with an irresistible pout.

"Well...I've always wanted to see Niagara Falls since I was a little girl and saw it on a postcard."

Lee flashed a big grin and ran to the passenger side of the truck, all but ripping the glove box open to retrieve his map. He buried his face in it on his walk back and nearly tripped over an uneven patch of ground. You giggled, and he glared. Once Lee settled back into his spot next to you, his long, thin index finger set to work tracing the lines of the interstate highways from your current spot in the Midwest.

"We could be there tomorrow if we leave now, just in time for your birthday!" Lee exclaimed.

"Really?!" you replied in disbelief.

"Anything for my girl." He leaned in and planted a soft kiss on your lips.

You blushed and dropped your head onto Lee's shoulder. You felt him rest his cheek on your hair as he let out a quiet, contented sigh.

<><><><><>

Soon, the two of you were back on the road. Lee was singing along with George Strait's "Amarillo by Morning" when he was interrupted by a cough. You pulled out your bottle of water to let him have a drink.

"Thanks. Just got a tickle in my throat." He cleared his throat several more times over the next hour or two. When the coughing flared again, you took over driving.

"Are you feeling okay?" you asked worriedly when he got back into the truck.

"I'm fine. Just tired." You thought you detected some congestion in his tone.

"Here. Drink more water," you instructed as you handed him the bottle once more.

"Yes, ma'am," he quipped sarcastically. He sank down in his seat, though, when you pursed your lips and raised an eyebrow at him. He then proceeded to take a swig.

As you drove, Lee's coughing worsened and his nose began to run. The poor thing shivered in his sleep as he leaned against the passenger door despite the summer heat. He didn't wake until he felt the truck come to a stop three hours later.

"Why are we at a motel?" he asked groggily and rubbed his eyes.

"I need to stop and you need to rest," you replied.

"We should keep driving."

"No, you can't get good, recuperative rest while sitting up in the truck, even if I drive. And I am dangerously close to dozing off. Give me the stash of money so I can go get us a room."

Lee just stared at you. He was used to making the plans and calling the shots.

"Give. Me. The. Stash," you repeated in a stilted tone.

His deep huff sent him into another coughing fit. He wordlessly caved and handed you the wad of cash from his boot as he caught his breath. You left him in the truck to walk into the office to retrieve keys.

One bright side of your lifestyle was traveling light, so you could focus on helping Lee inside without making multiple trips to the truck. He collapsed on the bed, fully clothed. You worked the boots off his feet and pulled the covers over his body. Your hand instantly recoiled at the heat radiating from his forehead when you checked for fever. You quickly grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom, wet it down, and gently wiped his forehead and neck to provide him with some cooling relief.

Lee's eyes fluttered open, and he greeted you with a strained half smile. "We need to get back on the road early in the morning to stick to our timeline," he rasped.

"Let's worry about that in the morning," you whispered. You sat beside him on the bed and ran pushed the damp hair from his forehead. "We're not going anywhere as long as you are feverish."

"But-" he started to argue.

"But nothing. And if you are about to bring up my birthday, it's just another day."

"You only turn 20 once. No longer a teenager." He grinned and gently tapped your nose with his finger before letting his arm flop back to the bed.

"Only you are worried about that, old man," you teased. It had been a personal point of moral contention for Lee that he, a man in his 20s, was dating a quote-unquote teenaged girl. But he was enchanted by you ever since he met you at the county fair last year, right before your 19th birthday.

Lee feigned offense by narrowing his eyes at you, but his playfulness was overriden by another round of coughing.

"I'm going to walk over to the grocery store to get you some cough drops and cold medicine," you said in response, tucking him in tightly under the blanket. "Just lay here and try to rest more while I'm out."

The trip to the store was quick, but Lee was already sound asleep when you returned. You let him rest and snuggled up beside him in bed. Every now and then, you felt him shiver as his fever flared, and another round of chills shook his body. You were grateful, though, that his coughing subsided for a while, allowing him a few hours of solid rest until he woke you from deep slumber with his violent hacking around 2am.

You dosed him with cold medicine and turned on a hot shower in hopes that the steam would ease his breathing. He sat in the bathtub floor as you lathered shampoo and rinsed his hair and did your best to wash the sweat off his body. He weakly toweled himself off with your help.

"How are you feeling?" you asked from your perch on the bathroom counter as he sat on the edge of the tub. You scanned his face and observed the dark purple circles under his eyes and shakiness of the hand that ran through his hair.

"A little more human than earlier," he replied quietly. His voice was a little less gravelly thanks to the humidity in the bathroom.

You smirked. "That's good. I got us some snacks at the store. You should at least nibble on something before you go back to bed to keep up your strength."

"I feel wide awake. We can get back on the road and drive for a while."

"You should really get more rest, Lee. Otherwise, it may catch up with you while we're out in the middle of nowhere."

"I can't rest knowing that we have somewhere to be. Besides, I can either be miserable in bed, or miserable and at least making progress toward our destination."

You just blinked at him and sighed deeply. "Are you sure you feel up to it?" You felt his forehead. At least he wasn't running a fever. He simply nodded in return and leaned into your touch.

You narrowed your eyes at him skeptically. "Okay. Fine. But if we have to stop in the middle of the forest because you get worse, I swear you are never going to hear the end of it."

Lee chuckled and stood from his seat. "I would expect nothing less." He placed a hand on your cheek and kissed your forehead as he scooted by you to open the door. You crossed your arms and shook your head, though you temporarily distracted from your ire when Lee's towel dropped, revealing those perfect buns of his.

He walked out of the bathroom and noted the time on the alarm clock by the bed. He turned back to you and grinned. "Happy birthday, love."

<><><><><>

Thanks to your lack of luggage, the two of you were back on the road quickly as soon as Lee was dressed again. He opted to drive so you could get some more sleep since you had stayed up caring for him. You didn't argue because you could barely keep your eyes open.

A few hours later, you woke to the sound of Lee coughing again. You squirmed in your seat and blinked the sleep from your eyes. "Where are we?" you asked groggily.

"Ohio. We just crossed the state line a few minutes ago," Lee replied. The hoarseness had returned.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'll be fine for a little while longer, then we can just switch out driving."

"If you want to pull over, I can drive now after a short bathroom break."

"No offense, but you drive too slow. That's fine most of the time, but right now we are on a deadline."

"Wha- my driving is just fine!" You crossed your arms and pouted. He looked over at you and pulled a face, which broke your ire and made you laugh. You could never stay mad at him for long. He laughed, but the exertion instigated a coughing fit.

"Pull over," you demanded.

"Not yet," he replied once he recovered his breath.

"You need to rest. Otherwise, you won't be able to enjoy the falls with me. That matters more to me than seeing them alone." Ha. You knew that would play on his feelings.

Lee paused and released a deep sigh. "Fine. But we keep going. I can rest just fine in the passenger seat."

"Deal," you replied, flashing him a grin.

He pulled over into a wooded alcove so you could both get out and stretch. You tossed the cold medicine toward him. He winced.

"This stuff tastes disgusting, you know," Lee complained.

"Anything for your girl, right?" You winked, and he grumbled - but he complied.

You took over driving for the next stretch of the trip. Lee quickly fell asleep, hugging his legs and using his knees as a pillow. Before getting back into the truck, he had shown you the upcoming turns on the map, but you wouldn't need to turn for at least 100 miles - long enough to forget the specifics. You unknowingly took a wrong turn and followed the highway south, when you should have been traveling northeast. Lee came to a few hours later and asked how far you had gone.

"I'm not sure. The last town I saw was Fremont."

He frowned and snatched the map, frantically searching for the grid coordinates for the town. His face dropped. "[Y/N], we are heading away from New York now."

"B- but I took the road you said."

"We needed to turn off this highway about an hour ago."

You felt the blood drain from your face. "Oh," was all you could muster. You pulled over at the next driveway, jumped out of the truck, and slammed the door. Lee met you at the tailgate.

"Please don't yell at me." You cringed as you saw the disappointment in his face.

"Yell? Oh, babe, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself. If we hadn't stopped at the motel last night, we would be making great time. And if I hadn't been asleep, you wouldn't have missed your turn. I have single-handedly ruined your birthday." He kicked the tire to release some frustration.

You laid one hand on his arm and the other on the opposite cheek to encourage him to look at you. "Shouldn't I be the judge of that? Anywhere you are is exactly where I should be. We may not be where I hoped to be, but that doesn't matter as long as I'm with you. It's okay if we don't make it by midnight. I'd rather get there late than get there stressed. I'd like to enjoy all the places along the way that I've never been."

The two of you continued on at a much more leisurely pace, stopping when one or both of you needed to rest. You hit the New York state line right at midnight, marking the end of your birthday - but seeing Niagara Falls at sunrise more than made up for the delay. You stared out over the chasm and took it all in. The oranges and pinks of the skies were like a painting that belonged in a museum. The falls roared, and the mist tickled your face like thousands of tiny carresses.

"It's surreal. So beautiful," you whispered.

"Yes, it is."

You felt him take your left hand, but when you turned to look at his face, it wasn't where you expected.

He was down on one knee.

You gasped and covered your mouth with your free hand. You started nodding fervently.

Lee laughed. "I haven't even asked the question yet, love."

"Well, hurry up!"

"Oh, so *now* you are in a hurry," he teased, then cleared his throat. "I don't have a ring yet, but I can't wait another day to ask if you will be my travel companion for the rest of our lives."

You sniffled, and the tears overflowed from your eyes. You continued to nod. "Yes, Lee. Yes! Wherever you go, I go." He picked you up, spun you around, and planted a yearning kiss on your lips...

...and then started coughing. You laughed and guided him to the nearest bench.

"We got an early start on putting 'in sickness and in health' to the test," you teased.

<><><><><>

Masterlist

Tag List:

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[optimisticstudentangel]

Side characters and how they sleep next to you

No warning. gender neutral reader.

Summary: dateables’ sleeping positions, their bed headcanons, how it feels like sharing a bed with them

Diavolo

First of all, lets pay our attention on the royal bed. The size of the bed is big, there can lay multiple people, and there would be enough space to fit several more. So you sure can get comfortable, and not worry about any gap. It’s also cozy, feels like your body is on the cloud.

Want it or not but Diavolo is the big spoon. When he is deep in his sleep, he would uncontrollably shift next to you, and wrap his hands around you. You cannot escape his tight hugs, it even makes your body sore the next day.

When the future prince sleeps alone, he lies on his back, but when you sleep together, he lies on his side, pulling you closer to his chest. This way you doze off listening to his pulse.

Diavolo snores… But ignoring that fact, sleeping next to him is not bad. Before you two ready yourselves to bed, you always make time to just overall talk about your day. Both of you also tell how you love each other before nodding off, because sometimes Diavolo’s free time is too limited. And bedtime is the only moments you can share some quality, uninterrupted time.

Barbatos

To your surprise he, in fact has a bed. Barbatos just rarely uses it. Well, it’s time to fix it, you say to yourself.

His bed is plain and ordinary. Nothing much interesting going on there. It’s a little small, but two people can share it nevertheless.

Things are a little unusual with this demon. First of all, you need to catch a convenient time for a planned sleep with him. That might be troublesome, but let’s skip that part. If you insist good enough, he may reschedule everything, to find some time for rest.  

He always sleeps on his back. Always. For this reason, you wrap your hands around Barbatos’ arm and snuggle up to him. The butler either holds you by the waist or strokes your head with a comfortable hand.

During sleep, the demon does not make a sound. Sometimes you question yourself does he even sleeps?

Luke

Luke’s bed is very comfy, it also has some stuffed toys. Some of them were your gifts. He sleeps with all of them, not leaving out any of the plush animals.

Little angel sleeps in a fetal position, it’s so cute seeing him all curled up. Usually both of you sleep together on a sleepover. He also asks for your help to build a house made of pillows and blankets. Then you try to sleep in that little space, but it’s not very cozy, in the end both of you decide to sleep normally.

Because you are older, you need to remind Luke of his night routine. He is not forgetful though! At least that’s what he is sure about.

While both of you are napping, you unconsciously hug the angel. He is very soft and small. It’s very pleasant sleeping next to him.

Simeon

Simeon’s bed is soft, once you lay there, it’s hard to make yourself stay awake. It has many blankets and pillows. This is why his bed gives you an impression of some kind of nest. Lights in his room are dim, you like it. It’s easier to fall asleep, because of relaxing atmosphere.

He is a side sleeper, he rests in a yearner position. Its comfy for the both of you, his arms may remain under your body, and that’s enough for you to feel secure all night. Sharing a bed with Simeon is heavenly experience. His presence puts you at ease, and you get balanced nap.

Maybe because he is an angel, or his powers, but you wake up refreshed. It’s like throughout the night you were healed. And if you had headaches or felt unwell, after night it magically passed.

Also sleeping next to him gives me a vibe of a mother bear, who shelters you from any danger.

Solomon

Solomon has a bed and sofa in his room. Why do I mention that? It’s because this man often spends the night (hopefully sleeping) on his sofa. He is a night owl, and all the inspiration about new spells comes to him at night. He ignores his sleep time, to experiment on new spells.

Isn’t that unhealthy. You are worried about your fellow human, yeah, he is immortal, but he is still a human being.

His bed is average, in a lot of times there are scraps of paper on the bed, it is clear that they were written in haste. Usually Solomon does so as not to forget some new discovery about his magic research.  

Solomon sleeps on his stomach or in a starfish position, there is no in between. He accidently takes all the space, so this may be a little problem. In addition, Solomon is one of those people who lie on his partner during sleep. His leg may end up on you and you'll have to put up with it.

Be sure if you go to sleep with Solomon, there is no way back, he will not let you go and will hold you tight.  

[eshtaresht]

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ooooh I'm SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!!!!!

well, you might've already figured it is a game. you probably also heard it is about being stuck in a time loop on the last day of your party's quest. but tis not all!

you see, you play for a mentally ill guy stuck in the prison of their own making that would never tell anyone what he's going through :3. . . yeag. honestly part of the reasons I latched onto this game so much is cause Siffrin is like an anti-Senshi: you notice behaviors in yourself and you're like "oh no. Siffrin would do that. so I shouldn't!!". the callout game is insane in this game

apart from Siffrin, the whole cast is so great! and this is probably more of a general statement about the game being done and written so well, but the characters are written so well!! each and every one!! truly, it's such a treat interacting with them, and dialogue made me wheeze or cry or rejoice sooo many times. also it goes funky with punctuation/pacing which I just LOVE (I mean, can you tell from my writing XD). now, this is more on the mechanical side, but the game offers so many quality of life functions that allow you to skip dialogue/interactions you already know and only experience the ones you would like to change or just hear again (and again and again and again and)

long story short, great damn game. the exploration of grief, mental illness, change/stagnation, gender, asexuality&aromanticism felt like a targeted attack sometimes and it made me so terminally unwell that after watching the entire play through (there are several on yt, but the one by Jello Plays Games is a fandom favorite) I got the game to play for myself!! and honestly, it does feel different to experience it on your own and make decisions for yourself: there is just so many possibilities to explore!! the mechanics are super easy but there are just soooo many things and people to interact with

isat made me unwell, broke me, broke me harder then fixed me up and it felt like a warm hug, it made me feel more me but also rewrote me on a molecular level somewhere in the neocortex.............

regular normal game haha play it or whatever :]

[angie-words]

CW: mention of being overwhelmed, swearing

Today was a bit of a rollercoaster

Took my dad to watch Nye at the National Theatre. I bought the tickets back in November and we've been looking forward to it. Dad's an old Labour party member, through-and-through Socialist, with Aneurin Bevan being one of his absolute heroes. He even got to see him speak, in person, when he was just a child.

He's also a fan of Michael Sheen's work like me (well, not quite like me... We just appreciate him in different ways...)

Anyway, long complicated journey to get there because of the trains being messed up. We arrive to find that unfortunately Sheen is unwell and unable to perform. Some friends found out he'd also not been able to perform yesterday or do stage doors for a few nights, apparently.

These things happen, got to let it roll off you like water off something's back, right?

The problem is that I don't do great with change at the best of times so I was terrified I was going to get overwhelmed and ruin the day. Bear in mind that we were actually meant to go in March but had to change the tickets due to a family event being put in place after I had already booked the tickets (that's... that's a whole other complicated thing)

And then my dad, who this entire trip has really been all for, must have seen the look on my face. He softly said, "oh, it's ok. No need to feel despondent! I'm sure it will be lovely anyway." It was just such a sweet thing to hear that I sort of compartmentalised and reminded myself that, whilst seeing Sheen pretend to be a deer on stage would have been a highlight (yes, that happens in the play), this was his day out.

You know what? It was lovely. The understudy, Lee Mengo, was fantastic. The play was beautiful and funny; it reminded me why the NHS is so vital, and how criminal it is that it's been undermined and under-funded for so long.

I asked dad afterwards if he enjoyed it. He thought it was wonderful, timely and made him remember what a titan Bevan had been (as well as what a cunt Churchill was - dad's words but also mine).

I let my friends in discord know and they were incredibly sweet and supportive. One of them has even volunteered to come see it with me next week as they haven't seen the play. Even better: it's going to be a sensory-adapted performance, so I'm intrigued about what that looks like. I also really want to see it again because I'm dying to see Michael Sheen live, and how his performance differs.

Hopefully he's feeling better soon. I'm honestly astounded at the workload actors maintain over several weeks in shows like these so it shouldn't be a massive surprise that people get ill.

Just feeling very grateful for having wonderful family, friends, and a partner who gave me a massive hug when I got home

[feline-evil]

It wasn't funny at the time but looking back on it man it is genuinely hilarious how my first attempt at getting diagnosed and getting help with my mental illnessess went.

So imagine if you will the skinniest, most unwell, sleepless looking 18 year old, just real Victorian orphan vibes with permanent shakes and a penchant for passing out in fear if he so much as thinks of leaving the house. I need you to know that's the kind of state i was in when i walked into a doctors office to see one of the oldest men i've ever seen in an employed field. He sits me down and asks me what's wrong, he's the GP at my local doctors; that's a general practitioner, if you're outside of the UK maybe that's not a familiar term. Anyway he's not a psychologist, you don't get to see a psychologist unless your GP refers you! Anyway he asks me whats wrong and i explain to him my long list of debilitating anxiety symptoms, i tell him about not being able to eat or sleep or leave the house; i'm in a bad way at this point in my life, it's not a good time for young jay! Lad doesn't even know he's a man yet! Pretty bad time all round!

And so after i explain to him the situation we get our first of the many funny 'i'm not sure this man is qualified to have this conversation' red flags.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Uh oh.

Well no, sir, on account of the not leaving the house socialisation has been tricky, see?

"Oh you need a boyfriend and some friends, that'll help love :)"

Uh oh.

It is at this point in the appointment we are winding down towards the end of my time here at the doctors, and our next big ol' waving red flag hits like a jet liner. And this ones the big one, the one that gives me reason to tell this story and watch people look a mite aghast.

The GP laughs, claps a hand on my shoulder and says "well don't you worry, we won't be locking you up for this one!"

I freeze in shock.

What did this man just say.

Now, i don't wish to imply that this wouldn't be a horrifying thing to say to a different teen riddled with severe mental illness who didn't have a family history of relatives being admitted to psychiatric institutes, but i am suggesting that MAYHAPS. JUST POTENTIALLY. That was a slightly more horrifying sentence to come out of a medical professionals mouth to someone who has that as a family history in his own living memory! So i lock up in horror, alarms blaring in my mind, wondering how the fuck i'm going to politely and finitely end this conversation and meeting and leave vowing never to cross this mans path again in my life; but i don't get much time to ponder what to do, because here comes the final red flag, that second jet liner crashing right in, the final can of petrol being poured on the burning wreck that is the first appointment i have ever made to talk about my mental health.

This man, a complete stranger, i had never met this GP before in my life, hugs me. It is so uncomfortable, i would not say i am the most comfortable with physical contact from strangers even now nearly ten years later, but then? At age eighteen? This is just about the worst thing that could've happened in my eyes! I do not come from a family that hugs, i didn't not know how to hug back then, in that moment it's awkward and weird and i just freeze and wait for it to end, and then i leave the room with the GP beaming and waving after me like he's just performed a miracle and i'll forever be cured from this point on.

I walk to my mom waiting for me in the waiting room, she smiles and gives me a thumbs up.

GENUINELY it couldn't have gone worse, objectively the funniest awful situation i have ever been in.

[hunterdadrius]

System

Words: 839

Eberwolf has sitting on the couch watching the crystal ball when he noticed the time, it was 8:32 p.m. he started to wonder what was taking Darius and Hunter so long upstairs. Darius was invited to a party with other coworkers that were helping rebuilt the boiling isles and Hunter was invited since the other coworkers wanted all their kids to get along since they would be spending several days together due to projects. Hunter was so ecstatic to hear Darius considered him a son he cried when he was told the news. Eberwolf was also invited but declined since he didn't want to dress in formal attire.

Darius was never fond of the idea of going to parties but since it was an important matter he didn't really have much choice. He also didn't like being late to events so Eberwolf was starting to wonder what was takings so long. Eberwolf turned off the crystal ball and made his way upstairs.

When he made it upstairs, he noticed Hunter wasn't in his room so he continued to walk down the hall to Darius's room which was slightly open. He peeked through the door to see Hunter sitting on the side of the bed next to Darius with his head on his shoulder while Darius had his arm wrapped around Hunters shoulder. Darius looked at Eberwolf with a sad expression on his face and motioned for him to come in, He carefully made his way to the bed trying not to startle Hunter.

*** (20 mins ago)***

Darius was in his room when he heard a knock on his bedroom door.

"Come in"

Hunter walked in and made his way to Darius

"What's up kiddo?"

"Could you help me with my tie, I can't get it right"

Hunter looked at the floor, trying not to make eye contact with Darius but failed when he looked up for a second then back at the floor.

"Sure, take a seat"

Hunter did as he was told and sat on the bed. After a minute Darius made his way to Hunter and fixed his tie.

"There, all done."

"Thanks…"

Hunter continued to look at the floor and started to fidget with his fingers. Darius knew Hunter wanted to tell him something but didn't know if he should ask. Then again if he didn't ask the subject would probably come up later.

"Is there something wrong little prince?"

Hunter stayed quiet thinking about the answer he should give.

"You know you can tell me when somethings bothering you"

"I- it's just…"

"What if something happens when were at the party…"

"What do you mean?"

Darius asked in a soft tone and sat on the bed next to Hunter.

"I mean, the last time we went to a party I had a panic attack and- and what if that happens again"

"Oh little prince"

Darius lifted Hunters head carefully and wiped away his tears, Hunter hadn't even noticed he was crying.

"hey look at me, even if that happens I'll be there to help you so you don't have to worry"

Darius pulled Hunter into a hug causing him to cry harder. After a few minutes Darius pulled away and wiped Hunters tears away again.

"Why don't we come up with a system"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean like signs you give me so I know somethings wrong or if you want to come home"

"Okay but what signs?"

Darius paused wondering what would be best, something not too obvious but obvious enough to tell something was wrong

"How about you tug on my shirt 2 times is you feel sick or unwell physically and tap my shoulder 3 times if you feel unsafe or worried"

Hunters eyes lit up at the idea

"Really?!"

"Yea, only if that's okay with you"

Hunter leaned his head on the man's shoulder.

"Thanks Darius"

"No problem but if you don't mind me asking why the sudden worry, you haven't had a panic attack in almost a month?"

"It's just I-"

Hunter couldn’t seem to get the words out of his mouth. Darius noticed and wrapped his arm around the kids' shoulder and placed his head on Hunters head. He noticed Eberwolf standing by the door and motioned him to come in. He made his way to the bed and sat next to Hunter being as quiet as possible.

"Last week I was out with friends and then- then I saw something that reminded me of him and I stared to have a panic attack and I didn't know how to bring it up so I didn't "

"Oh hunter…"

Darius ran his hands through Hunters hair while Eber snuggled up with Hunter

"You know you can tell me and Eber anything at any time, okay?"

"Okay, thanks Darius"

***(15 minutes later)***

"Don't trash the place Eber we'll be back in a few hours"

"Whatever old man"

Darius closed the door ignoring the comment his friend made and walked with Hunter making their way to the party.

___END___

I'm sorry If I spell something wrong and I'll probably post every other week.

[rainiiisspamming]

BSD 109 SPOILERS!!!

Seriously read it first don't spoil yourself it's amazing it will ruin you and your life.

Okay now that that's out of the way, I will literally NEVER shut up about BSD 109 ever, and specifically about Dazai. This is not a serious analysis, just me being in pain because what the fuck.

Now before anything gets said, a few points :

He will survive. He's the plot, quite literally, and I have seen a lot of people point out the fact that his character arc isn't finished yet, and I totally agree- Asagiri is extremely careful with his plot devices and writing, so I'm pretty sure he wouldn't just cut Dazai's arc right in the middle like that. Tons of people have made several analysis on this, and again, I 100% agree with that.

A lot of people have been theorizing that the bullet in his head is not real, and that Chuuya stopped it with gravity. I agree with that- it makes sense, and would be the best way for Asagiri to 'save' Dazai from his situation.

Biology majors have made several panel analysis explaining that the spots Dazai got shot in are, in fact, non-lethal. Even when it comes to the head injury, the bullet wouldn't go as far as completely killing him, but instead harming parts that would have to do with memories and planning (not gonna get technical because it's definitely not an area I'm comfortable in, I'm a literature major ffs, but the arguments have been made).

Okay, now that these are out of the way, can we just talk about these panels for a minute, because there is so much to unpack. The shot in one the previous chapters in which Dazai kinda just, pathetically drags himself and his broken legs to a camera was bad enough, because we know Dazai hates pain. He endures it, but his whole thing is that he's looking work a way to die painlessly. And in this chapter, well. Not only has Dazai been waiting a while in there, while Fyodor and Sigma were speaking, but his whole interaction with Chuuya is SO much. From the way his eyes lighten like never before when he tries to convince Chuuya to come back, to Chuuya just not being there- I think that overall, Dazai didn't believe a second that Chuuya would come back. I mean, he looked mighty confident there, so either the situation is completely out of his control, which I doubt, because come on, it's Dazai (but I would love if it was the case because Dazai loosing composure has to be the most interesting thing ever), either he did have a plan that involved making his 'death' convincing to Fyodor.

Now, back to that pain thing. I think the worst part was the face he makes while yelling at Chuuya after Chuuya takes the first shot- he is in SO much pain (also I looked it up and the bullet did hit super close to a nerve so he might have a severed nerve I'm unwell). And then the head bullet hits, and the two other- he must have been in so much pain. The way his eyes are light but in a different way as he (falsely or not) realizes that this is It. The way one of his last words is 'finally'. He doesn't even get to finish his sentence, because he passes out before that. It was all so much.

Anyways this post is a mess but who cares I needed to put those thoughts somewhere because I didn't feel a think after 101 except for a oh, that happened, kinda feeling, but 109 had me sobbing. Genuinely crying, out loud, hugging my pillow. I really hope Dazai's gonna make it. Just imagine Atsushi, Aku, Kunikida and Chuuya's reactions if he doesn't. God fucking dammit.

[madam-mitsume2023]

All He Needed...

This is for all the Mammon fans out there. It is a little angtsy and is based off of danganronpa.

Context: Mammon is missing after many months of abuse and the only person who solves the mysteries and puzzles behind Mammon's disappearance can see him alive but unwell, And that someone, is a genius MC who the rest of the brothers underestimated besides Mammon.

During your whole time in Devildom. All you heard from your room were insults against Mammon. Your best friend and guardian. "Scumbag" "idiot" "poor" "useless". Every and Any insult thought of, was used on the second born. Because of this he would come to your room crying. You would hug him and soothe him. In person or on call/text. You cared for him more than his brothers who were bullies or bystanders. They even forgot his birthday, only you remembered and got him a plush that was a rainbow bear which you called Polikuma and he kept the name as it was special, something he had to remember your kindness and your smell, One night you get a text, the other brothers were out celebrating Diavolo’ s birthday and left behind Mammon of course. You were relaxing in your room

One night you get a text, the other brothers were out celebrating Diavolo’ s birthday and left behind Mammon of course.

Hey Human. I don't like feelin like this... but I don't want to be here anymore

You were confused. So you typed back.

What do you mean Mams?

It was not long for Mammon to reply.

Well... maybe my brothers 're right... maybe everyone's problems 'll die if I die. So don't be surprised if I don't come home..

This brought tears to your eyes. You texted back.

Don't go Mammon... you can't...

MC.... all I am to my brothers is nothing... but a joke... they'd rather hurt me than help me.. even though we've been together ever since we fell. I helped em back on their feet ever since Lillith. I made them feel better but for me, Nothing. Not even up to this day was I ever given a sign of being worthy...

Do you think this is something Lillith would Want? You chose to follow your brothers because you loved them. Their actions will bite them back once they realize they lost an important part. No matter what Mammon, I will always love you. Even if they don't

It was only a few minutes but you were hugged by a sobbing white haired demon you noticed that there was red in new bandages on his forearms. You put two and two together and figured out he was self harming. You hugged him tighter and sobbed with him, sharing tears.

It has been several months since that incident and Mammon had went missing right after. Nobody had noticed except you. So you sobbed while your friend was missing. Polikuma, the bear he left behind got up, and all of a sudden the room changed. It was now a trial.

"Why are we here?" Lucifer asked, confused and visibly irritated. "Well Lucifer! We are here to solve the mystery of missing Mammon!" Polikuma stated. Wait... how did Polikuma know Lucifer's name? Oh well.

The first argument was where was his last known Location. "He was probably in that Scummy Casino right?" "NO THAT'S WRONG." You shut up the demon pretty quick. "If he was in the Casino, why isn't there a purchase showing he bought himself in on Goldie?" "That is true and the last time he went to the Casino was September 6th." Lucifer agreed "and I saw him last on September 10th" "the day he was super sulky about-" "Well MC you seem to know a lot that Levi doesn't so why don't you tell them why September 10th was important?" You cleared your throat. "September 10th, the day you called him the most annoying on... was his birthday." The brothers eyes widened and start to fill with guilt. "BINGO!" "So we forgot Mammon's birthday... what other reason would he have to leave?" Belphegor asked tired of this ordeal. "Well let me explain all that Happened. You guys gave been kicking Mammon out of your life ever since your guys fell. He supported you through everything yet you pushed him away. Eventually he had enough and tried to end his own life." You shown your texts as proof which the brothers felt bad to worse. "That same day where I stopped him I gave him a plush Also known as Polikuma. That was his last day in devildòm as he was sent to the human realm." Eventually the case ended and MC's verdict was correct. "MC. How?..." "Well Satan. Do you think Mammon was treated fairly?" "I-uh.." "By any of you? When was the last time you supported your brother? Made him feel good about himself, gave him a hug?" The brothers went Silent. "You called him thief, scum, any name you can think of. Yet you acr on your sins and it is not a problem, Beel Satan, Lucifer and Levi almost Killed me! But no punishment am I right lucifer?" "MC calm down." "No! I can't calm down when I am with the people who hurt my best friend who is their brother. Asmo makes people lose their dignity, Satan wrecks anything, Beel destroys things and never leaves anything for anyone else, Levi sits in a bathtub, and Belphegor sleeps away and doesn't do anything! You punish none of them for what they do, hell, BELPHEGOR KILLED ME AND YOU DIDNT PUNISH HIM LIKE HOW YOU PUNISH MAMMON." You were gasping for air at this point. "All he needed... was love..." you start to sob away. "Mammon deserved better.. but he chose you guys because he loved you and was loyal... but you stabbed him in the back." Polikuma comforted MC. "Your pride, respect and reputation is like your Sister Lillith. Fallen, dead and it was all because of your dumb actions." Those were the only words you said before you left the brothers in tears because of what they did to their treasured brother.

MC had came back and Polikuma gave her the prize of Mammon who she hugged tightly and both sobbed. Everually Polikuma smiled and MC figured out something else.

Polikuma.. you are really Lillith aren't you?

[sacaeblade]

@enarmor asked:

[ Indulge ] - in your sudden impulse to do whatever comes to mind, whether it’s hugging a stranger, slapping a friend, or doing push-ups on the dance floor.

"Lady Lyndis, I... I don't know what's come over me. I wanted to resist but... Would you... Spare a dance for me?"

The request on its own is not surprising. Unconventional as it may be, it’s still a ball. It would be stranger not to receive requests to dance. It’s not even the who that’s surprising. There’s no way that Sain would pass up the chance to chat up every single girl on the ballroom floor. Surely, there were already several Sain-caused headaches waiting for her.

More than anything, it’s the how of the request that’s most surprising. Such a hesitant request is uncharacteristic coming from Sain, the kind of man who loudly and confidently proclaims his love for every woman he lays his eyes upon. Where's his usual bravado? The theatrics?

And so, comes Lyn’s dignified response, a very baffled: “...What?”

She can practically hear the scolding Chancellor Reissmann would have given her if he saw her standing here with her mouth hanging open like a fish. Lycian ladies did not simply gape upon being asked to dance; they should either meekly accept or politely turn down the offer with one excuse or another.

But in her defense, she argues back against the Chancellor in her head, he’s acting very unlike himself.

Concern lowers Lyn’s voice, “Are you feeling unwell, Sain?” She raises an arm, pressing the back of her hand against his exposed forehead, but it does not feel particularly feverish. Her hand retracts, just in case he gets any smart ideas and tries to grab it like last time.“You don’t seem sick, at least.”

If he isn’t sick, then the request truly was made in earnest, wasn’t it?

...She’s not sure if that’s better or worse. 

“Alright, we can dance,” she says after some deliberation. Lyn holds out her hand once more, breaching the space between them. “But if your hands start to wander, I’m leaving.”

[sleepyburito]

Venting about my father

Tw! mental issues not being addressed/someone refusing to medicate and for... I guess weird dad? and a parent seemingly living through their kid? Idk how to explain this one, parents yelling at their child and general bad parenting

So... Imma just start with the usual thanking god I don't live with my dad and I haven't meet with him in person since the year before covid and yeah I am very grateful

But I have a once a week skype call with him I literally can only get out of if I'm really sick, have a social event or play up my exhaustion to make it seem like I'm sick

So my dad is a fucking ping pong ball of emotions when it comes to these calls. Sometimes the call is nice and sweet while other times I feel like fucking crying afterwards

I don't ever tell a lotta people how bad things get even my mom doesn't know the full extent of things. Like she's seen some of the worst of it cause it usually results in me crying and needing a hug but there's a lotta little things.

a prime incident that makes me so fucking mad looking back on it now is when I was 13. It was my dads birthday and I had managed to send his birthday present but it was going to be a bit late. I let him know this but then he doesn't show up for our Skype call. Then he sends this message.

'I'm very disappointed in you ***' (not saying my legal name here)

and it turns out he's upset I 'forgot' his birthday and it takes him hours to answer and in that time I have a full on meltdown crying session while me and my mom try figure out wtf?

Then there was the time he got on my ass about studying (which yes I was not doing) in a way that made my stubborn self snap and so he got mad and I got so mad I started crying and next thing I know we're ending the call and I'm crying to myself in the kitchen.

I now offer last weeks call. I mentioned I hadn't gone out and socialised much but I had managed to go on some walks and get some nice time to myself (I hadn't I just wanted him to shut up with asking me what I did) and I mentioned I wasn't the most energetic and also mentioned I was unwell. He got... idk offended?? that I said two 'different' things and was still pissed even when I explained I was exhausted cuz I was unwell cuz I didn't wanna explain to him I was having a terrible period that left me curled up behind my mom on the sofa to help with cramps

now, here comes my 'living through me' theory

I'm a lot more introverted than my dad, me and my mom rarely leave the house for social events because it's not our thing and we just rarely have the energy for it. My dad however, would rather I go out like every other day which is a massive no for me as I once had social plans for a solid 4 days straight and ended up exhausted and barely able to function afterwards

He got a bit annoyed when I mentioned I hadn't done much over the week and had mainly spent time for myself and talking with friends online

then he asks if I'm going to start dating my platonic partner again (long story short, we dated romantically for nearly 3 years but then we both realised we were on the aro spectrum and now we're just something undefined just... us). And previously when we were dating ... he would ask really weird questions that made me extremely uncomfortable about us kissing, having sex etc and I just... did my best to joke my way out of it or change the topic but he'd continue on even when I tried to stop him.

Then he asks about my week plans and gets pissy again! when I say my plans just include more walks because I wanna get more fresh air and not be trapped in my warm house all day.

He got so pissed he ended the call for once and I am just so done.

This is from a man who stopped taking his very important meds several years ago (around the time of the birthday incident) and it now and then hits me that this is the result.

He is well and truly a stubborn asshole and I'm considering just lying half the time that I met up with friends so he can shut the fuck up. He doesn't even pay fucking child support, closest thing he does is send me money for holidays and birthdays

I just.... really really wish I could cut him out but I can't rn and it fucking sucks so badly and I just... I really wish I could tell him to fuck off

this is without including him trying to make me his 'perfect lil princess' and when he got me, a gender blob of a person he kept trying to make me a sports fan which also! didn't work. Also his weirdness about me cursing when jesus fuck he knows how teenagers are and that I'm on the internet and around people my age?

I can also add him thinking it's 'funny' to imply I have feelings for literally any of my friends which is just a fuck no (not just cuz of the aro thing but because I'm also a lesbian with a lot of guy friends-)

Oh and the period of time where he kept 'joking' about me becoming a nun and working for god (I'm agnostic now) and him getting pissed when he learned I stopped going to church because it just wasn't for me

Then there's the time he yelled at me for something my mom did and now I cry when I'm stressed and yelled at while also having bad financial guilt when people spend money on me

Oh and for basic clarification? my dad doesn't have any custody or guardianship over me as my parents were never married but broke up when my mom was pregnant with me. My mom got complete guardianship over me and my dad (when he lived in my country) would visit and when he moved I'd go over there and stay with him for a week.

I don't know how I feel about him but I do know I really wish I could cut him out of my life for good.

sorry for the random vent I just needed to get this off my chest

[yakultstrawberrygreentea]

A lot has happened that made me MIA for a bit. I finally had my court date to file my restraining order against my abusive ex and it was granted!!! I was so incredibly nervous but so many people were cheering me on and it gave me enough courage to get through the court hearing! My boyfriend and my cousin accompanied me to court for emotional support that morning. I was worried that my ex would show up and I had to look him in the eyes but he never did. My court case was the last of the day; it made everything extra nerve wrecking but also gave me comfort that the only people hearing my petition was my boyfriend and government staff. My cousin, unfortunately, had to stay outside because she could have been pulled in as a witness. My boyfriend and cousin were super worried that I was left by myself so I guess my cousin asked him to ask the bailiff if he could come in an managed to sneak in and thankfully I didn’t go yet since I was last. When I approached the bench, the judge confirmed that not only did my ex not show up, he wasn’t there virtually or sent notice to the court he wasn’t coming. I planned for this moment so hard. I brought several methods of evidence and typed out a structure to help guide my petition. The judge didn’t even need to hear it all the evidence. The evidence I submitted of me asking my ex to leave me alone, the hard copies of emails from my ex stating he was thinking of offing himself, the physical copy of my police report, the possibility of my ex having a gun, and showing the judge that in one day, my ex left me ten voicemails, was enough for him. I had 50+ more voicemails as proof and a witness and he didn’t need it. The judge inquired about the gun and asked what type of gun my ex had. He had the bailiff show me his gun so I could identify what kind of gun my ex had. As soon as I confirmed what it looked like, the bailiff and judge gave me a shocked face. The judge told me that he thinks I’m credible and that he thinks my ex is persistence and mentally unwell. He granted my restraining order and although he didn’t request for my ex to go to this intervention program, he required my ex to go back to court to submit proof that he turned in his gun. And if my ex misses court again, he could be in a lot more trouble. Since I was last, I saw other strangers court trials and noticed how they fucked up and tried my best to keep my composure. I think I managed to scrunge up all my courage and I killed it. I was straight forward, had proof ready and out and talked concisely. I am so incredibly proud of how I held myself in court. As soon as I was dismissed, I went to my boyfriend and hugged him and started crying. As soon as I got my paperwork, I went outside and told my cousin and we celebrated. This is long so I’ll update more info in another post.

[blu-joons]

When He Takes Your Child To The Studio ~ Ateez Reaction

Seonghwa:

His smile was wide as your son bounced on his feet as Seonghwa led him through the entrance way to the company building, already taken aback by how big and grand it all was.

Seonghwa’s eyes were fixated on your son, admiring how different everything looked in his young eyes. “What do you think?”

“I can’t believe you get to work here everyday daddy, it’s so cool,” your son proudly told him, eyes flickering in all directions, “do you think I can work her one day too?”

“If you work hard, of course,” Seonghwa encouraged in reply.

Your son’s smile grew even wider in response to Seonghwa, “can you show me everything? Can we go right to the top too? It looks so high from outside daddy.”

“Are you sure that you won’t get scared?” Seonghwa asked him, “your mummy got scared when I took her all the way to the top of the building years ago.”

“I’m not a scaredy-cat like mummy,” your son firmly established, “I want to see all of where you work daddy.”

“Alright,” Seonghwa chuckled, shaking his head, “how abut seeing your uncles first?”

“Yeah! Let’s go and see my uncles.”

Hongjoong:

He couldn’t help but stop as he run around after your daughter, with Hongjoong struggling for breath, he let your daughter run around for herself for a little while instead.

A hand against the small of his back made Hongjoong look up. “You’re getting old,” Yeosang laughed as Hongjoong stood up.

“It’s unfair that she has so much energy,” Hongjoong huffed, “I don’t know where she gets it from most of the time, Y/N and I aren’t exactly the type to sprint around.”

“You brought her here to entertain,” Yeosang reminded him.

A sigh came from Hongjoong as your daughter yelled for him to try and catch her instead. “Your uncles are going to catch you,” he replied, stitching them all up.

“I didn’t agree to this,” Wooyoung called out as he placed his coffee cup down, “do I need to remind you that she’s your daughter and not ours to care for?”

“You can’t help but say yes to her though,” Hongjoong teased, “she’s got you all wrapped around her little finger.”

“He’s not wrong,” Yeosang agreed, “none of us can say no to that face, can we?”

“Why did you have to have a cute kid?”

Yunho:

Puzzled eyes looked to Yunho as soon as he walked into the studio, holding onto your son. He was left with no other choice, knowing it was far from the ideal for any of them.

He smiled weakly as he placed your son down, “Y/N is really unwell at work, I couldn’t keep him at home to be looked after.”

“We’ve got work to do,” Hongjoong frowned as your son ran across to Wooyoung to give him a tight hug. “l hope you’re prepared to be both dad and an idol for the day.”

“I was hoping that you guys could help,” Yunho confessed.

Across the room, several of the boys all nodded their heads. “How hard can it be to rehearse and look after Y/S/N? He’s nowhere near as much trouble as Yunho.”

“Hey!” Yunho groaned back across to San, “I’ll have you know, recently it seems that Y/S/N is taking after me a lot more than he’s taking after Y/N.”

“Are you sure Y/N’s ill?” Mingi teased, “are you sure she just hasn’t tried to get a day of peace and quiet at home.”

“Y/N wouldn’t do that,” Yunho tried his best to assure the group, “or would she?”

“Who would really blame her?”

Yeosang:

Wide eyes looked around as Yeosang showed your daughter around the studio, holding on tightly to her hand as she tried to take in as much of what was before her as possible.

Yeosang kept his eyes on her, making sure that she was following. “Look at this speaker Y/D/N,” he told her, beckoning her over.

“Wow,” she giggled, just like she had done with everything else that Yeosang showed her, “what does this do daddy?” She quizzed, poking at it as she got a feel for the boom.

“It plays daddy’s songs really loudly,” Yeosang informed her.

Her head nodded excitedly, “can we listen to one of your songs now?” She enquired, bouncing up and down on her feet, “can we listen to my favourite song too?”

“You want daddy to play Inception?” He asked her, knowing exactly what her favourite song of the groups was, “you might have to stand back a little bit first.”

“Is it that loud?” She asked in surprise, covering her ears as she moved back whilst Yeosang set up the laptop and speaker.

“Are you ready Y/D/N?” Yeosang asked, pressing play and moving back to her side again.

“Yeah! I love this song daddy!”

San:

A groan came from San as yet again hands held onto his legs, refusing to sit to the side of the studio. Your son didn’t want to be away from him, despite the fact that San had work to do.

San knelt down so that he was level with your son as soon as he felt his grip. “Buddy, you know that I’ve got some work to do.”

“I’ll help,” your son suggested, not quite at the age where he understood what it was that San did. “I can help daddy,” he added too as a soft sigh came from San as he tried to answer.

“Can you help by being a good boy?” San asked him calmly.

Your son nodded in reply straight away to San’s question, “mummy always tells me that I’m good, I can do anything that you want me to do daddy,” he encouraged.

“In that case, do you think that you could go and play with your toys for just five minutes whilst daddy runs through this song with your uncles,” San asked him.

“Just five minutes?” Your son asked him, still slightly nervous about being all by himself, “and then you’ll be back?”

“I promise that five minutes is all that I need,” San smiled, “and then we can play together.”

“I’ll be counting too daddy.”

Mingi:

His eyes looked across the room once again as your daughter called Mingi from the little creche that they had set up in the studio, distracting him from rehearsal yet again to get attention.

Mingi apologised to the group as he made his way across to her. “Look at what I drew,” she smiled, pointing to the paper.

“Wow, that looks incredible,” Mingi encouraged, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You definitely get your creative mind from me Y/D/N, we can take it home for mummy.”

“Can’t you put it up here?” She pouted, holding her drawing up.

The rest of the boys came over as your daughter waved her piece of paper around in the air. “What have you drawn Y/D/N?” Jongho asked her as he took a seat down beside her.

“It’s for uncles,” she declared, handing it to Seonghwa, “you don’t have any pictures in this studio, so I made you your first one that you can put up on the wall,” she noted.

“We don’t have any pictures,” Seonghwa hummed, staring blankly at her drawing, “I think we should make Y/D/N’s the first one.”

“What did you draw Y/D/N?” Yeosang asked as he took a look at the drawing beside Seonghwa.

“It’s me of course, can’t you see?”

Wooyoung:

You feared the worst as you pushed the studio door open, surprised to see calmness around the room. “Mummy!” Your son called out as soon as he spotted you in the doorway.

Wooyoung was quick to stand up and make his way across to you, “how was your meeting? Do you think it went well?”

“It wasn’t too bad,” you smiled as you scooped your son up, “it seems that someone’s had quite a fun day pestering their uncles than staying at home with mummy all day.”

“I had the best time mummy,” your son enthusiastically told you.

Wooyoung nodded in agreement with your son, “we’ve not managed to get too much work done, but I think they were all happy messing around with Y/S/N all day instead.”

“You’ll have to come to the studio more often,” you smiled, tickling your son’s tummy, “you can give mummy some peace and quiet if you spend more time here as well.”

“We’ll have him any time,” Hongjoong called out from across the studio, “it was nice to do something other than dance all day today.”

“He’s yours,” you teased, hearing your son gasp in your hold, “take him any time you want.”

“Hey, mummy, what about me?”

Jongho:

Loud screams came from your daughter as several of the boys chased her around the studio. “Go away,” she called out, but none of them listened as they got her running around.

Jongho’s head shook as he watched on, “you guys aren’t the ones that will have to get her to sleep tonight with this energy.”

“We’re tiring her out,” Yunho laughed back across to Jongho as he stayed close to your daughter, “thanks to us, she’ll be out like a light when you take her home tonight.”

“Do you want to come to our place and see?” Jongho offered.

Behind Yunho, Mingi’s head shook in reply to him. “The whole part of being uncles is that we get to do all of the fun stuff and leave you to deal with all of the annoying stuff.”

“Y/D/N won’t be able to sleep from the excitement tonight,” Jongho fretted, knowing that you would be annoyed too if you weren’t able to get your daughter to sleep.

“Don’t worry, we know what we’re doing,” Seonghwa assured him as the group of them passed him by, “Y/D/N’s enjoying herself, that’s the main thing.”

“Can I come to the studio more often?” Your daughter asked Jongho, hearing her name crop up.

“Now look what you guys have started.”

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