#this hit... far too close to home

[ellalalala]

Sorry if I sound corny but number 77 with Dottore for the drabble list??

Nothing corny about it! :) this turned out way longer than I anticipated, but I hope it's to your liking <3

drabble list

77. There is nothing wrong with you

You were exhausted.

The days blended into one as you spent hours upon hours at your desk, eyes glued to the ample paperwork that needed to be dealt with. Your rationality told you that you were going about this the wrong way; skipping meals and losing sleep over work never did you good, and though the stars had shown you the consequences of those actions numerous times, you never learned your lesson.

It became increasingly difficult to focus. Your mind demanded rest but you refused to oblige. Your calloused fingers hurt from holding a pen for so long; your thoughts were in disarray, mind clouded by exhaustion; your body felt weaker than ever before and sitting upright was a challenge in and of itself.

You couldn't stop, though. There were so many things that demanded your attention, so many deadlines that worsened your anxieties. If you couldn't finish all your tasks in time, then what were you good for?

Still, you wanted rest so badly. When was the last time you'd slept well? When did you last play chess with Zandik, just as you used to do every day? You ached with a desperate desire for tranquility but even that was overtaken by your crippling fear of failure.

All of which Zandik noticed. He made an attempt at pulling you away from your desk one night: with a hand placed on your shoulder, he said, "you can't go on like this any longer. Come to bed."

And you'd rejected him, swatted his hand away and told him not to distract you - he didn't bother you again after that.

Until he found you hunched over your journal deep into the night. Your mind didn't register his voice until he came to stand right next to you.

Zandik called your name softly, "you can't do this to yourself."

"I'm just working."

"Work can wait. When was the last time you slept?"

Your fingers gripped the pen tighter. It hurt so badly.

"Yesterday, I think."

You wondered if he was disappointed in you. Were you too slow, had you failed to meet his expectations?

Zandik caressed your hair with his ungloved hand and you nearly recoiled at the feeling of it; you couldn't remember the last time you bathed. You must have looked dreadful - a shell of a human being, beyond unrecognizable.

"Your body needs rest," he murmured, "this has gotten out of control. Your health, both physical and mental, will be beyond saving if you continue at this rate."

You gritted your teeth. "I feel fine. I'll be done soon, anyway."

"How soon?"

"Soon. In a few hours- or days, it doesn't matter. Soon."

Zandik exhaled softly. He was disappointed - you knew it. You had failed him and proven yourself to be unworthy of all attention - a failure of a partner, of a human being.

"I don't recall the last time I saw you eat a proper meal," he broke you out of your thoughts. You didn't dare to look at him; your shame was far too great. "Look at yourself. You haven't left this study in so long; Columbina asks me about you every day."

"She'll manage without me."

"And I?"

The question made you droop your head. Zandik never spoke of his affection for you aloud - you could see all of it in his actions: his devotion, care, desire. The innocent implication of his words evoked guilt, sadness, among so many other complicated feelings that you couldn't put a name to.

"I really, really need to finish this, Zandik-"

"I miss you," he said, so easily that it made your heart ache with longing. You'd missed him, too; spending your days without feeling his touch, hearing his never-ending rants about whatever research he was engrossed in - you wilted without Zandik near.

You were hesitant to look at him. Something told you that you would cave and abandon your work if you did.

"This needs to be dealt with, Zandik. If I don't do it now, I'll never... I have to."

Or I'll feel like a failure. The words lay on the tip of your tongue but you were careful not to voice them.

Zandik's hand moved down to the nape of your neck. Had you been any weaker, you would have leaned against him, given up on your futile efforts to prove your worth to... him? Yourself?

"You're overworking yourself," Zandik whispered, "even I know not to take things so far and you have seen how I can get when something catches my interest."

You huffed bitterly, turning your head in the opposite direction lest he catch sight of the tears that welled in your eyes. "How do you not understand? I'm not overworking myself - I've barely managed to get anything done today. No matter what I try, I just can't do it. I have to, I know I have to, but I can't and it's ruining everything."

Frustration bubbled in your chest. Archons, you were so tired. The temptation to give up was strong, but how would you face yourself? Zandik? How could you rest after resigning yourself to failure?

"You need a break," Zandik murmured, his tone laced with sympathy, "take the day off tomorrow, and I will help you with whatever else is left."

"I can't."

"Why?"

The words came out shakily, "I'll feel wrong. I already do."

Tears spilled from your eyes before you could stop them; it was too much. You felt exhausted, burdened by the weight of your own pressure, and continuing to pretend that it didn't bother you felt impossible. Your dignity was all but crushed in the palm of your hand as Zandik crouched and pried your hands from your face.

Everything hurt so badly: your head, neck, hands, every part of your body ached and begged for relief. Your heart filled with something heavy and you lacked the tools to get rid of it. When did this strange feeling take root in your chest? When was the last time that you felt right?

"I don't know how to deal with it," you whined, "I've tried so hard but nothing works. I'm just wrong. I can't do it."

You could hear Zandik's breath hitch through your cries.

"Look at me," he said - a command. His hands cupped your face and beckoned you to meet his gaze. Your sight was blurry, but you could just barely make out his soft, cyan hair, a pair of ruby eyes overflowing with a wistful feeling you couldn't comprehend.

"There is nothing wrong with you."

Gingerly wiping your tears away, he continued, "I know what it is like to feel inherently terrible and to not have someone who could prove you wrong. But you have me." And why would he say that so softly? You furrowed your brows as more tears pooled in your eyes - but Zandik didn't mind. He kept wiping at your eyes as if he could quell the turmoil within your heart with just a touch. "I will show you that you are good; that you are capable, determined, worthy. You don't have to do this by yourself, my dear."

You all but softened against him. Resting your forehead against his own, you allowed Zandik to take care of you in a way that he hadn't in so long. Frustration gave way to acceptance and you exhaled shakily when he pressed his lips to your cheeks - a soothing thing.

"I will help you in any way that I can," he added, "Omega will handle my work for the time being."

"I missed you," are the only words that you could speak, and Zandik accepted them with a soft, barely noticeable smile.

"I know. I'm here. You will be alright; this, too, shall pass with time."

You found that notion to be a little more believable, now.

[htub]

I really like that they made Jor-El speak Kryptonian and Clark unable to understand him. The whole "aliens speak English" thing that happens in every goddamn media has bothered me all my life. Ik sometimes Clark just gets zapped in the brain for insta-second language but that always felt like a cheap shortcut.

Jor-El had a lot on his mind when he set up that magic spaceship okay. The world was ending and he was trying to do as much as he could before time ran out so he could be there for his son. He was rushing. He likely didn't consider Kal would be raised with a whole different language and not know any Kryptonian nor have anyone to teach him.

[pharawee]

—I SAW YOU IN MY DREAM · Episode 9

[iremiari]

charles rowland is the type of person to end his marriage vows with "and you're my best mate" then think nothing of it

[daily-hanamura]

[fluffyapathybunny]

*sobbing in the corner*

[this-hopeless-war]

way outside of town where people can be people and nobody puts you down just because they don't want you around

This place is real it's not just in my head

We'd have ourselves a garden but we wouldn't work too hard

this down is a dead end rode let's leave this behind let's just get up and go

Find a new place to call home

make a new life we can call our own

where we can be free free to decide who we want to be

AND EVERY NIGHT WED STARE UP AT THE STARS

we'd sit around the fire after every day was through we'd be each others family

start this life anew

a chance to have a place to rest your head

I'm tired of blindly watching as we're inching towards the ground

i've got great expectations great expectations great expectations

it's all becoming clear there's no way we're going to find that here

[xomoosexo]

sorry I love pointless comp mc drama anyways firebreathman literally goes off for ten minutes about how rude and mean das is (calls him and "toxic a-hole" like twelve times) and that he knows people who organize basically every minecraft event (lists mcc, blockwars, pandora's box, mayhem, etc) and if he ever gets added he will get him kicked ??? also said that das used to be blacklisted from mc twitch rivals but because they redid the system and laid people off he got back in. apparently he used to cheat a lot and allegedly cheated in twitch rivals back in the day (but fbm isn't sure he believes that's true) he said a lot of other people in the community have had bad experiences with him but they don't want to say anything. and then at the end says congratulations to him for winning and that he won fair and square but that he would be playing any mc events he has the power to stop him from getting into 😭

it seems like most of this was a couple years ago so it does suck if he has gotten less toxic or something and is still being judged for stuff he did 3/4 years ago but also shane (fbm) doesn't go into the extent of it. banning him from all mc events is actually crazy but again if he is actually a really bad person then that makes sense. it seems like they have personal beef that goes beyond this as well... shane was very fired up. also everytime I hear a clip from shane I forget how strong is gcma is like damn. wow.

[emdotcom]

My brain is so full of Bees about Post-Shift 2.

It's a fan game that was delayed for 4 years -- by the time it released, fnaf fangames as a whole were not as popular as they had been, & most people in the scene had forgotten about Post-Shift 1, so not a lot of people heard about it/played it.

Worse still is the people who did talk about the game. Pretty unanimously, the consensus was this: this game is the craziest, most insane fnaf fangame. It's overly difficult with mechanics that have no rhyme or reason to them & tutorials that are wordy, unhelpful, & sometimes actively mislead the player, meaning you need to comb through a lot of text only to be misinformed. It's not as infamous as some other fangames, but it definitely was talked about very poorly.

In general, I think most of these criticisms were blown up out of proportion, but I can't really disagree with most people's problems -- it is difficult & wordy, & rather hard to understand. I think, however, that the game is still 1. Really fun, 2. Not a bad game at all, &, most importantly, 3. Is a free fucking game that was clearly a passion project. Most damn fangames never get off the fucking ground when made in groups because the creators will never make a red cent off the thing -- this game was made by one dude for 4 years & delivered to people for free. It didn't ask anything of you except to accept it as a difficult game & to not go in with wild expectations. The dev just wanted to make a game that was rough, but he also wanted to make a game that felt unique & was fun. & It is fun, too, is the damn thing.

[woozyhere]

cancelled on my brother again LMFAAOO i'm here all night y'all tell me why i put on Mind, Body, Spirit for background noise (my bg noise and asmr is always horror flicks, idk i've been fucked up since birth my guy) but BUST A FUCKING GUT LAUGHING AT THE REVEAL like i know i'm desensitized from horror media, but it fucking TOOK ME THE FUCK OUT. interesting flick, but extremely disappointed in the cgi. any suggestions for a horror flick that might actually make me uneasy, plop em in the comments below <3 anyway, i'm in it to win it today folks. gonna try and bust shit out here and over on my multi (finaldisorder). i added a few more muses over there, so hopefully i can take em for a spin !!

[theflowerofthecommonwealth]

Jasmine: (Walks into Acadia on her own after a long day. She still hasn’t uttered at word out loud to anyone other than Nick, Kasumi, or Jules)

DiMA: (Stands from his chair to greet the teen) “Hello there, Jasmine! I hear you and Nick have had quite an adventure here on the Island.”

Jasmine: (Stops and slowly blinks at her new uncle, still very wary of him because of what he’s done to Jules who was her only friend at Acadia)

DiMA: (Smiles warmly and approaches) “Is there anything you want to know about the Island and its inhabitants? I have had my own fair share of adventures, I could recount a few to you if that’s something you’d like.”

Jasmine: (Blinks some more, then rubs her eyes) “Desculpe me.” (Yawns sleepily as she stretches out) “Estoy muy cansada porque anoche yo no dormí.”

DiMA: (Rubs his chin) “Hrm, that’s a foreign language that I am not familiar with. Though, so far there hadn't been much need for any other language other than English.”

Jasmine: (Straightens up then shakes her head) “No entiendo, señor.” (Makes a motion with her hand) “Más despacio, por favor.”

DiMA: “I think I have a better idea.” (Stares off for a few seconds) “………” (Starts sizzling like an old overworked computer as he installs Google Translate)

Jasmine: (Under her breath) “Oh fuck….”

Faraday: (Comes running in) “NOOOOOO! He can’t run a translator anymore! He’s too old and fragile!”

Chase: (Also comes flying in) “Get him to stop!”

Faraday: (Rushes over to a terminal) “I’m trying!”

Jasmine: (Steps back and tilts her head at the two) “No entiendo qué es lo que quieres.”

Chase: (Sternly) “Stop that! Stop talking!”

Jasmine: (Folds her hands and smiles innocently and politely) “Perdón señorita, no hablo inglés.”

Faraday: (Swears and grumbles like he’s a crazy person on drugs)

DiMA: (Sizzling and steaming to the point you could cook an egg on him)

Jasmine: (Motions to DiMA) “¿Está bien?”

Faraday: (Desperately mashing buttons) “VALENTINE! PLEASE COME GET BABY VALENTINE BEFORE SHE BLOWS UP THE WHOLE DAMN OBSERVATORY!!” (Screams at the terminal as it crashes and reboots)

Jasmine: (Crosses her arms) “Usted es un hombre muy estresado. ¿Usted está bien? ¡Necesita ayudar para los locos!”

Faraday: (Smacks the terminal multiple times as he yells over his shoulder) “I DO NOT UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU ARE SAYING!!!”

Jasmine: (Mumbling to herself) “El gringo es un hombre loco y estúpido.” (Thinks it obvious she was joking from the start, they are all just too dense to notice)

Chase: “WE TOLD YOU TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!”

Jasmine: “Ustedes cállense la boca!!!” (Throws up her hands) “¡No estoy haciendo nada!” (Jabs a finger at DiMA) “¡Es su culpa!” (She didn’t tell the synth to download a translator, just to talk more slowly)

Nick: (Appears from the stairway) “Alright missy, that’s enough outta you for one day.” (Snatches his daughter’s hand and starts dragging her away)

Faraday: (Squawking like a distressed and disturbed parrot as he shakes and bangs the terminal)

Jasmine: (Follows along without any complaints) “Papá, tú familia está MUY loca. ¿Por qué es eso?”

Nick: (Tired Dad sigh) “Let’s just get you to bed before ya blow your uncles fuse too….”

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

hi yes I'm doing great and fine at college why do you ask :) (<< person who barely contained crying all the way back to her dorm and then broke down once she was in her room bc her government professor told everyone at the end of the first class that they're going to see horrible things in life and it's ok to be bothered by them, you don't have to constantly 'other people have it worse' about everything and so never let yourself feel the hurt over something and then went on to give everyone in the class a Tim Keller book to help cultivate personal devotions bc freshman year is hard)

[salsa-di-pomodoro]

I talk a lot about random gods but really random fate makes me want to fucking explode in a completely different way

[xiiiwayfinders]

I was playing FF15 and stopped at a motel and I thought it would just be like, normal, but then Prompto and Noct randomly had a little moment and I'm in tears it's so cute

[ajdrawshq]

using second person pov despite sif very distinctly being their own person really helps the player feel more immersed in the story, characters, and sif's thought process. But Watch Out

[bongwater-supreme]

I started Yellowjackets and damn… they didn’t have to make Nat this relatable. Teen her and teen me? Basically the same person. Adult her? Well let’s hope things go a little better for me