#this has taken several hours

[regulus-smith]

Hi! This is a rant about me just 'casual'ly being in love with my best friend.

ba dum tssss. casual by chappel roan joke in the title.

so like. I've been in love with my best friend for five years. She doesn't know. She thinks I stopped liking her two years ago. I never did. Even though we stopped talking as much, I still dream of her. Her long brown hair, her eyes bluer than the shiniest of diamonds, cut to perfection, ones I could get lost in for the rest of my life, if only she wouldn't look away. I want blue to meet greenish grey. I want j to meet e, I want to love her freely. Her smile shines bright, the words spilling out speak to my soul in ways nobody else could. Our minds and souls intertwined. Every time something changes about one of us, it changes about the other. Even when we hadn't spoken in months. I started liking something, so did she. Her sexuality changed, so did mine. We liked the same people, same medias, and same music. We were the best of friends, to put it simply. I've drawn her, but I could never truly, fully capture the overwhelming beauty she possesses. I could never express that to her. She has a boyfriend. I've hinted to her that I like her, but I don't think I'd ever tell her straight up. Another thing is- when her gender changes to male, I feel like a transmasc gay man. When her gender is female, I feel like a nonbinary lesbian. My gender and sexuality changes to hers, as she is the only one I will ever truly love. I could write books about her, but no amount of books could ever tell the amount of love I have for this girl. She makes me feel alive. My heart races, and my hands shake, as the words spill out of my mouth, ones that I don't want to, that tell her things I never should've said. I should've kept my mouth shut before, but I didn't. I should've waited. So I will wait now. She has said things that make me wonder, even though I know they're not about me. She says 'oh, yeah, I like bigger boys and girls' (we were talking about Claggor and Vander from arcane, for context.) I am bigger. She says she loves losers and nerds. I am a loser and a nerd. She likes people with glasses. I have glasses. She likes people who are funny. She laughs at every stupid joke I make. I know they'll never be about me, but I'm starting to hope. The other day she said we did like each other at the same time, a while back. And it hurts, knowing I could've had a chance to be with the love of my life. And I know that's a hold statement, at 14, but I know it is true. I have never loved anyone as I have loved her. Her laugh is like a song my heart beats along to. Her smile is pretty like a jewel. Her eyes are like suns, although they shine brighter. Her hands have been in mine, and I would do so much to feel her gentle touch again. Her hand in mine, giggling along to a cringey song I haven't listened to in years. It hurts so much. I love her more than I could ever say, and to love her in silence is to destroy myself. But if I tell her, it'll destroy her. I'd rather suffer by myself, as I know she is not in the mental state to deal with this. I can handle it. I always have, so I will handle it now. Johanna, if you're reading this, which you probably never will, it is about you. It's Elliot/Ezra. I've been in love with you since we were nine. My love for you has never wavered. Anyone else I've liked, they've just been people who remind me of you. Beautiful, funny, and nerdy. I love you, and I am so sorry that I do.

[midnight-mourning]

I have been staring at this so long I genuinely can’t tell if it's bad or I killed it lmao 😭😭 much like the DCA refs I think the design aspects are PEAK I just need to work on anatomy

Anywho, enjoy a semi-rendered, mostly finished Abby ref while I work on promptober Day 13

[ourtalechara]

Neath! doesn't feel that long until you have to write the whole thing out

[dykethevvitch]

I figured it was about time to do a mechs line up

[dasloddl]

fuck vague posting I’m just full on ranting

[catboygirljoker]

Ok so if it was guaranteed we’d get some good Xigbar/Luxu scenes in future games regardless, ehixh would you find most interesting or satisfying:

-He sticks it out with the foretellers now that he’s reunited with them, and continues to go along with whatever the next phase of the plan is?

-he only sticks around long enough to fill the foretellers in on the basics, before possibly going back to Radiant Garden and helping them out?

-or he washes his hands of all of it, and takes a vacation to do whatever he wants for a while, and people keep running into him?

(I want to add to the Xigbar fuel so I hope this is enjoyable)

ooooooough thank you for the ask!!!! uhmmmmm

well. full disclosure that i havent . actually played 3 yet. i mean clearly i Know Some Things that happen in 3 but im waiting for my partner to be able to play it before i do. so watch this spot i guess!! i will have more coherent and concrete thoughts once ive actually played the game. and also watched all the dark road cutscenes and also melody of memory

my thoughts thus far: kingdom hearts seems to be setting up luxu as another major character in the series. i doubt he'll be permitted to fuck off to wherever (as much as i think he deserves to) and i wouldnt really want that anyway! i wanna see what all this is building up to.

it seems to me like the master of masters is going to be the next Big Bad (idk if this is a given to everyone in the fandom). i assume luxu will stick around with him and the foretellers for at least a little while. my hope is that he gets the axel treatment—hes on the side of the big bad for a little while, then gets a character arc, some pathos/sincere emotionality, and a face turn with an outfit change and everything. i'd be sad if the pretty obvious manipulation and exploitation that luxu was subjected to under the Master never amounted to any change of heart for him. it'd be cool if we got to see how that affected him in detail, but like, kingdom hearts as a series isnt really About Trauma, so that may remain the realm of fanfiction.

but really the most important part of the "axel treatment" is that he would get the highest honor a character can receive...a nendoroid. please squaresoft i would do anything to be able to buy a $60 PVC figure of my Guy

[millionsknives]

yes, the plans that i could not share with you (because the haters would sabotage me) were that i was taking on LACC in my vash getup :)

i have so few pictures of myself but i got so many compliments (especially on my arm) and plenty of other people took pictures of me. and normally i don't like attention but i will be honest with u. under these circumstances i loved it. my arm held up really well through 8 hours on the convention floor and i have never been prouder of anything i've made. it's articulated incredibly well, no part of it gave out or required repair, it's never uncomfortable or a nuisance to wear, and i have enough range of motion to do relatively complex things like tying my shoes.

originally i was not planning to try to meet anyone famous because 1) it's expensive and 2) the lines are long and 3) i feel weird and annoying approaching literally anyone for any reason BUT. the spot where i met up with my sister just happened to be right next to johnny yong bosch's table. right when he started signing things. so i said LOL ok i'll do it.

it was super chill, i asked him how it felt to get the call that they wanted him to come back 20 years later for a trigun reboot and he said it almost didn't happen -- that since they recast everyone else for stampede they considered recasting vash as well (and i said WOW i'm so glad they didn't) and he said he really enjoyed getting to come back and explore a darker take (i forget if what he said was a darker take on vash's character, or just a darker trigun in general) but it was briefly surprising 2 me that he considered stampede to be a darker version but i get it, especially when u consider that there is not a lot of comedy in those 12 episodes to balance out the grief.

ANYWAY he was impressed with my arm and i asked him if he would sign my coat :) so he signed the lining but he was also like u know what, i'm gonna give you a second autograph just because. so he signed a print for me as well (free of charge!!) and the print with the blue signature matches my famous paintings that i always film in front of (that's providence baybee)

other stuff from the con under the cut

cosplay notes:

i saw 3 other vash cosplayers (a 98 vash, a stampede vash, and a purple coat vash) and no shade but i definitely had the best arm build. peace and love to all of them though

i saw 1 1/2 wolfwoods. 1 was the aforementioned mullet wolfwood from yesterday's post (ww if you’re out there ww) and the 1/2 was the 98 vash cosplayer’s gf in some kind of goth-ish dress and she was carrying a punisher

mullet wolfwood if you're out there i regret not getting a picture with you so much. i am deeply ashamed and i have no excuse because i ran into you twice and both times i was too embarrassed to ask for a picture. i just want you to know that your punisher was swag and your earrings were yolo and we would look very good together

i expected to see a lot more trigun tbh. los angeles where u at. 4 vashies at a convention of 120,000+ people is nothing. one guy even walked up to me like wow i love ur vash, i haven't seen a lot of trigun at this con and i was like I KNOW i thought i'd see a lot more

theeeee costume of all time award goes to the cad bane cosplayer i saw on the balcony. spare hand in marriage dude (gn) you looked so good

second place for costume of all time goes to the other mother cosplayer who had button eyes and these crazy finger appendages and never once broke character even while waiting in lines

i took 100 points of psychic damage from this one guy who (and im not kidding) was at least 6’4’’ and wearing platform boots and was dressed as the mfing onceler. with the stupid top hat he was fr 7+ feet tall (i saw him duck to get through a doorway).

someone was there as the brawny paper towel guy?? just walking around in a beard and flannel carrying a pack of paper towel rolls?? go off king

i saw 5 nightwing cosplayers but only 2 were biblically accurate (had ass)

the nanami sweep at this convention was so real u all SHOWED UP. and everybody ate. i saw at least 12 nanamis and not one of them was a flop.

i have never seen so many spider-mans in my life

other things:

fig. 1: this extremely hot captain america on a very large poster was about 2 make me act unwise. hi gorjus................................. nice eyebrows

fig 2: i saw this sign a couple blocks away from the con and i did a triple take. 🔥🔥🔥TRIMAX MENTIONED🔥🔥🔥

fig. 3: i saw all 4 hobbits in panel and can confirm elijah wood’s laugh is ten times more infectious in real life. before they were even done sitting down, dominic monaghan switched around all of their name cards so that none of them were seated behind the right name. as u might imagine much of the panel's content was reminiscing about LOTR, but i heard some stories that i hadn't heard before. they also talked about video games, other projects they are working/have worked on, how their kids feel about their dads' LOTR roles, how much they love ian mckellen, and how they would love to see something happen for the 20th anniversary of ROTK this year. sean astin (the legend) took shots at the stranger things writers (basically said joyce could never be happy with hopper) AND EVERYONE CLAPPED LOL. billy and dom talked about the best food in NZ, their show billy and dom eat the world, and the unfortunate events that led to the friendship onion's hiatus. it was a ton of fun to just watch them be themselves with each other, you can tell that these guys are all so fond of each other and love each other so much.

and finally, fig. 4: i bought these beautiful prints from @/batinyourbelfry and the skeletal washi tape from @/skeletalacademia (both on IG)

[byberbunk2069]

NPVeil version 2 is nearly complete, she's like 50% done with her netrunner appearance variants nearly complete. I just need to remake a jacket friendly mesh edit of the netrunner suit for two of her jacket apperances.

The mercenary appearances will be next and then its a couple of her corpo appearances and a *field agent* look for her NetWatch days and the last two looks will be a corpo-fancy look and her more recent fancy hacker look

[handsmotif]

guys the sims 2 is a fun game

[iwatcheditbegin]

I think the most upsetting discourse I keep seeing is one’s regarding mental health, and who’s pain is valid. That goes beyond Taylor, and is actually very harmful. The subjects she’s mentioning should absolutely not be brushed over and dismissed.

Privilege makes life easier but it absolutely doesn’t shield you from trauma and mental illnesses.

[lesbianlaura]

oh wow the endometriosis post-op pain is. especially bad today

[mothjinxed]

for a day or two i was starting to get better but my health crashed down again today, i've been nothing but a withering and crying mess and my pain medication isn't helping 🫠 ahhh

[bowithoutadaemon]

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A post shared by Zentrum für Politische Schönheit (@political_beauty)

BREAKING: Durchbruch!! Der Adenauer hat jetzt auf der Hauptzufahrtstraße der Polizei für die AfD bedauerlicherweise eine PANNE!! Wir blockieren damit seit zwei Stunden, wie uns die Beamten mitteilen, offenbar die (einzige) Hauptprotokollstrecke der Polizei. Die AfD-Abgeordneten müssen jetzt zu Fuß am Adenauer vorbeigeschleust werden. Und wir haben alles für sie an Bord: Wasserwerfer, Lautsprecher, Nebelmaschine. Gemeinsam haben wir mit dem Adenauer gerade Geschichte geschrieben. Die technologische Aufrüstung der demokratischen Freiheitsrechte ergibt also durchaus Sinn.

Hintergrund ist: Wir wurden vollkommen illegal die letzten 7 Stunden von einer Terrororganisation mit Hunden namens „Polizei Sachsen“ festgehalten und daran gehindert, auf eine genehmigte Demonstration zu kommen, deren integraler Bestandteil der Adenauer sogar laut Anmeldung ist!

Unser Eskalationsbeauftragter hat dann eine Pinkelpause der „Polizei“ Sachsen genutzt und ist losgefahren (so Pressevertreter). Nach einer wilden Verfolgungsjagd dann 30 m vom Haus des Parteitags entfernt – eine technische Panne. Wir bedauern den Vorfall und entschuldigen uns bei „Polizei Sachsen“ für alle Unannehmlichkeiten, die wir ihnen damit bereiten! Bitte keine Schlagstöcke, Schäferhunde oder Prügelstrafen. Wir wissen, Ihr seid sehr überhitzt und wollt alles kurz und kleinschlagen, aber prügelt doch bitte einfach auf die Nazis ein - so wie früher! Es ist beschämend, dass Polizisten den Auftrag haben, die Versammlung von einer rechtsextremen Organisation zu schützen, die offen plant, Deutschland zu destabilisieren und die freiheitlich-demokratische Grundordnung abzuschaffen.

[emilyjunk]

Hiii! Just here to say that your Cadina fics are...absolute magic. I Once Was Poison Ivy is 110% canon (anyone who says otherwise can fight me) UGH pine-y, moody, gay “I hate this thing called emotional growth but it’s important ig” Regina is everything I didn’t know I needed. Add to that the grad school universe, flirty horror movie fake dating monologues about context and inevitabilities, and truly epic smut??! IT’S ALL TOO MUCH. Thank you for ruining my life with your talents (affectionate)

Thank you kind anon!! this made my whole week 🫶 I love cadina so much I can't think about it rn or I will burst out of my body and then just be a silly skeleton flopping around. Appreciate you lots

[gibbearish]

am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes

[aesethewitch]

When I was a kid, we moved into a house that had a huge lilac tree out front. It was mostly rotten, and it needed to be taken down before it fell. It took a while, but eventually, it was gone.

Mostly. A couple years later, little lilac babies popped out of the ground in its place. My mom was determined to get rid of them, because she'd planted a beautiful flower garden there, and the lilac trees would overshadow and kill the whole garden. I insisted on saving at least a few saplings. She said fine, but I had to dig them out and put them in pots myself.

So, I did. I spent days digging little lilac bushes out of the ground and putting them into pots. Some couldn't be saved, but some could. When all was said and done, I had five brand-new lilac saplings. Seven or eight years old, and it was my absolute pride and joy.

Three died due to sun scorching, severe drought that no amount of watering could save, and perhaps just being moved from their place in the ground. But two survived, and I was awfully proud of them! I'd go out and talk to them every single day. I watered them by hand and made sure they were fertilized properly. I learned all about their favored environments, and I was determined to make sure they lived.

One of my mom's friends saw what I was doing with the lilacs. She asked if she could have one to put in her backyard, and I agreed on the condition that she take very, very good care of it.

It's now fucking enormous. I'm talking ten feet tall and bursting with beautiful purple flowers every spring. My mom still gets updates each year as they start to bloom, which she forwards to me. And all I can think is, "That's my friend! Thriving some twenty years on, there it is."

The other tree nearly died, too. It lived in a pot for far, far too long. I wanted to plant it somewhere in my parents' yard, but my mom was reluctant. Eventually, we agreed to put it in the far back garden. It grew okay for many years, despite the shade, but in all these years, it's never bloomed.

Last year, the massive tree casting massive shadows over the lilac and the garden cracked in half and fell. It tumbled into the garden, crushing part of the nearby shed and destroying a few plants beneath it.

It missed my lilac by inches.

The clean-up is long done. The rest of the tree has been cut down, and my lilac has full sunlight for the first time in fifteen years. It won't bloom this year, I know. But it's got new shoots up. It's taller than ever. I spent half an hour a few weeks ago praising it for surviving all this time, dreaming about its future and telling it how I believe it'll become the tall beauty it's always been meant to be.

I think next year, I'll see flowers.