#this has literally been in my ao3 drafts for a month just get it out of my sight pls

[sesamestreep]

Jyn/Cassian, 11

11. 3 AM and I'm still awake (from this prompt list) sometimes, in order to defeat the prompts that are still in your inbox after a YEAR, you have to go into the archives, find an AU you wrote in 2019 (ON PAPER), type it up, and post the first chapter as a prompt fill even though the full fic is incomplete and that stresses you out to think about. this is one of those times. known affectionately amongst a small circle of mutuals by its draft name "sir, this is an IHOP", I'm releasing this one from the vault, please clap... cross posted to AO3 here 🌒🌔

The question Jyn gets asked the most when she tells people she works the overnight shift at a 24-hour diner is, “How do you do it?” As if she’s just admitted to shooting herself out of a canon for a living, which, to be fair, is a thing she wanted to do as a career when she was nine, but that’s beside the point.

The answer to this question is simple: you get used to it. Or, in Jyn’s experience, your life sucks for three weeks while you get used to it and then you get used to it. After that, the weird hours and irregular sleep schedule just become routine.

To be fair, she only started doing the graveyard shift in the first place because she wasn’t sleeping at night anyway and she could get more hours that way. Now, sometimes, she sleeps perfectly well in the daytime when everyone else is at work and then, other times, she doesn’t sleep at all and becomes convinced that she’s the first human being who was born with a biological indifference to sleep. Either way, she manages. 

And it’s not actually that bad. The tips are a little worse because there’s fewer customers and they tend to be drunks or insomniacs or plain weirdos who don’t get the concept of twenty percent for good service and usually leave her whatever change they have on them. And sometimes it’s so dead that Jyn literally counts the seconds on the big clock by the door. But it’s also calmer than any other shift at the diner, and sometimes people feel so bad for her being up all night that they tip her extra, which is nice. It all balances out, really.

That being said, the overnight shift doesn’t lend itself to regulars the way other shifts do. She has some, but they don’t tend to be regular regulars. At most, she sees the same drunk college students show up there for breakfast at two a.m. but not the same day every week. Her co-workers that work other shifts talk about old couples that come in for dinner three times a week and always want to sit in the same booth, or the father and daughter who get breakfast every Saturday together that the entire staff fawns over. Jyn doesn’t get regulars like that, and even if she sees the same people, most people don’t want to make conversation as they’re inhaling pancakes in the wee hours of the morning. They barely want to make eye contact with her, honestly.

Not that Jyn minds. She didn’t get into waitressing because of her bubbly personality. She’s good at it, can be pleasant and accommodating when she needs to be, but she’s also fine with customers not wanting to chitchat. It’s one of the perks of the shift, in her mind, and why it suits her to work it, rather than the breakfast or the lunch shift.

Then, she gets a regular of her own and it doesn’t change everything, but it changes enough.

*

The first time he comes in, the restaurant is so dead that for once the manager on duty isn’t on Jyn’s case about drawing in her sketchbook while she’s working. It’s that slow. There’s a couple at a table in the corner that started out their meal by bickering with each other loudly and now Jyn’s pretty sure one or both of them is asleep at the table. She already gave them their check, though, so she’s giving them at least an hour before she bugs them about it. It’s not like she needs to turn over the table or anything.

When the man comes in, the place is so empty that he actually looks around in confusion, which catches Jyn’s attention from where she’s hiding behind the cash register. 

“Sit anywhere you like,” she calls to him, half-relieved to have something to do and half-annoyed to have to do anything.

“Oh. You’re open, then?”

“As long as it’s one of the twenty-four hours in the day,” she replies, trying to sound sunny.

“Last time I checked,” the man says, sounding unsure, which makes Jyn smile for real.

She brings a menu over to the table he settles at and offers him her more standard customer service smile. “Hi, I’m Jyn. I’ll be your server this…morning. Can I get you anything to start?”

“Coffee, please.”

“Regular or decaf?”

“Regular, thanks.”

“Sure,” she says. Then she loses her mind momentarily, because she follows it up with, “You want crayons?”

That question clearly throws him, and for good reason. “What?” He asks, blinking up at her.

“Do you want crayons? To color in your placemat?” Jyn asks, less casually. She doesn’t know why she asked in the first place—he doesn’t look like the type, by virtue of not having any children with him and looking to be older than her, if she had to guess—but she does it anyway. Maybe she’s a little punchy from having no one to talk to all night.

Thankfully, he laughs, more like he’s surprised than anything else, but it still counts. “No, I’m good, thanks.”

She nods and heads off to get him his coffee. When she returns to his table with it, she doesn’t bother asking if he’s ready to order yet, because he’s still got his head bent over the enormous menu, reading it intently. She pops back over to her spot behind the register and resumes the sketch she’d been working on of the couple at the back table. She’s sure now that they are both, in fact, asleep, which is going to make it very awkward to get them to pay their bill.

A few minutes later, she hears the man at the other table clears his throat and she looks up, trying to mask her annoyance. When she does, though, she sees he’s not looking in her direction and probably didn’t do it to get her attention. Still, she should probably go check on him.

“Are you ready to order?” She asks, pulling out her order pad as she sidles up to his table.

“I—well, actually, I have to ask: why did you think I would want crayons?”

Jyn shrugs. “Technically, I’m only supposed to offer them to customers under twelve, but I think that’s bullshit. Kids aren't the only people who like to color.”

The man nods, processing this. “Okay. Not the answer I was expecting. I thought it was your way of saying I looked young.”

“No, no,” she says, and then winces. “I mean, you don’t look old or anything. You just definitely don’t look under twelve.”

“Then my disguise is working perfectly,” he says, half to himself.

Jyn snorts. “Is this your way of saying you do want crayons?”

“No, I’m all set. I think I’ll just have some eggs.”

Jyn gets the specifics of his order from him and goes to deliver the ticket to the kitchen. When that’s done, she decides it’s past time to finally collect her payment from the sleeping couple in the back. Under the guise of cleaning plates out of their way, she makes as much noise with the silverware as humanly possible, which causes the man to wake up. When she pointedly asks if there’s anything else they need, he grumbles a response in the negative and jostles his girlfriend’s wrist to wake her up too.

“You can pay right up front,” Jyn says, cheerily, before she swans away with their dishes.

After a few minutes, they come up to the cash register to pay her, even though it’s technically the manager’s job to run the register. He can’t be bothered when it’s this quiet. They don’t give her a tip then and there, but she holds out hope that they left her some cash on the table, which she checks as soon as they’ve gone. Of course, there’s nothing there and she curses under her breath before she buses the remaining dishes. She goes back again with a rag to wipe down the table, even though that’s yet another thing the manager is supposed to be helping with during overnight shifts. By the time she’s done with all that, the other man’s food is up and she goes to deliver it.

“Do you need anything else?” she asks, once she’s dropped off his food. “More coffee?”

“Yes, but could I switch to decaf?” he asks, looking like he’s asking for a kidney rather than something completely reasonable.

“No,” she says, automatically.

“Oh, I—what?”

“Sorry, that was—I was kidding.”

“Oh.”

“It wasn’t funny,” she says, feeling her face heat with embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” the man says, waving a hand. “It’s fine.”

“It’s just—it’s a restaurant. You can have whatever you want.”

“Right,” the man says, smiling faintly in either amusement or confusion, like he’s not really sure what to do with her. And who could blame him for that?

“You were being polite. I shouldn’t have made fun of you,” Jyn says, fully mortified at this point. He’s definitely not going to leave her a tip now, which means this whole shift has pretty much been a bust. 

“It’s really fine,” he says. “I probably would have caught on faster if it wasn’t…”

“3 AM?” Jyn suggests.

“Yeah,” he says, with a full, self-deprecating smile that catches Jyn completely off-guard. People shouldn’t be allowed to be that attractive without warning.

“I’ll get you that decaf coffee,” she says, trying to sneak off and preserve at least some of her dignity. He thanks her as she’s retreating, and when she refills his mug, she says as little as possible so she doesn’t end up accidentally insulting him again. 

It makes things a little weird, realizing he’s cute at the same time as he becomes her only customer in the entire diner. She’s supposed to be checking in to see if he needs anything but it also feels suspiciously like fawning over him. Has it really been this long since she’s had a hot customer at this godforsaken place? She tries to distract herself with drawing, but her latest subjects just left. She’s also not supposed to be doing that where customers can see and the man is seated right across from the counter, putting her directly in his sight line. It’s unfortunate, really, in more ways than one, because he’d be fun to draw, with his messy hair and his stubble and the lines around his eyes, but doing so would involve watching him even more intently and that’s a level of weird she just isn’t willing to stoop to.

While she’s absolutely not staring at him at all, she does just so happen to notice the moment he takes off his jacket. His table is directly in the path of the draft from the front door, so it didn't seem weird for him to keep it on, because that section of the diner is always freezing. Now, though, with the jacket off, she can see he’s wearing some sort of uniform—crisply pressed navy blue pants with a matching shirt that has a patch over the pocket that she can’t read from this far away. He’s got an ID badge too, which she also can’t read, clipped to his pocket. 

To her surprise, he’s not distracting himself from his lonesome meal by messing around on his phone, like most customers and honestly even she would be doing while eating alone in a restaurant. He is occasionally throwing a glance in the direction of the TV hanging in the corner, which is set to a channel playing reruns of “Murder, She Wrote” for no other reason than there’s nothing more interesting on at this hour.

Jyn hates the feeling of having too little to do and she especially hates having just one customer and feeling like she’s creepily watching their every move, so after what feels like an appropriate amount of time, she makes her way over to the man’s table, doing her best to seem casual.

“How is everything?” she asks when she gets there, even though she could have just as easily asked that from the counter. It wouldn’t have been professional, she decides, even if there is literally no one else around. She, of course, manages to catch him right in the middle of a sip of coffee, which is a special kind of superpower one only develops as a server.

He swallows and offers her an apologetic smile. “Everything’s great, thank you.”

“More coffee?” she asks, when she notices his mug is close to empty.

“Uh, sure. Thanks.”

“Decaf still?”

He laughs at that, for some reason. “Yes. I promise I won’t switch back and forth the whole night.”

Jyn shrugs. “Doesn’t matter, really. It gives me something to do.”

“Still,” he says. “Decaf would be great.”

“You got it.” She heads off to retrieve the pot of decaf and swings back to refill his cup. After he thanks her again, she asks, “Coming or going?”

He blinks at her in confusion for a moment. “I’m sorry?” he asks.

“No, I’m—” Jyn stops short, feeling ridiculous. “I just meant—are you coming from work, or going there?”

“Oh,” he says. “How did you—?”

“The uniform,” she replies, gesturing gingerly to his clothes with the coffee pot.

“Right. Of course,” the man says, looking down as if he hadn’t realized she could see him at all. “Uh, coming from.”

“What?”

“To answer your question,” he says, looking pained. Not that Jyn can blame him; this has been a trainwreck of a conversation so far, thanks mostly to her. “I just got off work.”

“So this is dinner, then?” Jyn asks.

The man laughs and it’s a strange, reluctant sound. “I guess so.”

“That explains the decaf.”

“Sure.”

“Not the one cup of regular coffee, though.”

That gets another laugh out of him, though he appears less surprised by it this time. “Does everyone who comes here have to justify their caffeine habits?” he asks, not sounding offended.

“Only the people unfortunate enough to sit in my section,” Jyn replies. It’s not worth pointing out that the entire restaurant is her section at this hour.

“I see,” he says. “Well, the cup of regular coffee is to give me enough energy to get back to my apartment without falling asleep at crosswalks, if you must know.”

“Ah, makes sense.”

“I’m glad you approve. You had me worried for a second there,” he says, and it lands somewhere between outright sarcasm and flirting, which is enough to make Jyn want to pull back.

“Yes, well, now that we’ve got that figured out, I suppose you deserve the chance to finish your meal in peace,” she replies, formally, and fights the urge to wince at how stupid she sounds.

“Okay,” the man says, sounding amused again as Jyn turns around and retreats back to the safe haven of the cash register to hide from the awkwardness she’s created. 

Luckily for her, after only a few minutes, she gets another table to distract her. It’s four people who appear to be college students and they thankfully don’t seem to be wasted, which is a surprise, even for a Tuesday morning. It’s a nice change of pace for the typical night shift. If Jyn had to guess, they probably just came from studying late at the library. Then again, she never did the whole college thing, so she could be wrong. All of her knowledge of what it’s like comes from TV shows. The college kids are nice enough, if a little boisterous for this time of night, when she takes their orders, which is what matters. Once she gets everything in to the kitchen, Jyn decides it’s probably safe to check on the man who’s there alone again.

When she approaches his table, she sees that he’s done eating and that he’s gotten distracted by his phone. He’s reading some message with his eyebrows drawn together in concern, but he looks up as soon as he hears her coming and his face clears in a deliberate way that suggests he knows he was pulling a face and that he doesn’t want to be asked about it. Not that she would, honestly, even without the signal. It’s one thing to be weird about his coffee ordering habits—she’s his waitress and she’s bored; sometimes people like to banter with their servers—but she doesn’t know him at all. She’s not going to ask who’s texting him. That’s none of her business, even if her curiosity seems to be piqued by everything he does.

“Can I get you anything else?” she asks, as pleasantly and professionally as possible, even as her mind fills in a fake backstory of an emotional affair with a co-worker that’s turned sour and now results in petty 3 AM text messages that make him scowl at his phone.

“Just the check would be great.”

“Of course,” she says, and goes off to fetch it. She returns and drops it off at the table with a breezy, “You can pay at the counter whenever you’re ready.”

“Thanks,” he replies, without looking up, and Jyn retreats again behind the counter, to wait for him or for her college students’ order to be up, whichever comes first.

The man takes a few minutes to finish his coffee and get his jacket back on, but he doesn’t hold up the table, which is nice. Even when the restaurant is empty like this, Jyn hates when people linger. It shouldn’t bother her, really—they’re paying customers, after all—but it still drives her nuts. She pushes off the back wall when she sees him approaching the counter and he has the audacity to look kind of shy when their eyes meet. Has this guy never met a waitress before? Is he a shut-in or something? And most importantly, why does she care? Hot people shouldn’t be allowed in the diner, she decides. It’s confusing, especially in the middle of the night.

He hands her the check along with the cash to pay it without a word, and she sets about getting him his change out of the diner’s ancient cash register. She hands over the bills and a few coins and thanks him for coming in.

“You have a good night,” she adds, sounding folksier than she means to. “Or morning. Whatever it is.”

He smiles at that. “Thanks, you too.”

“I will, thanks.”

He’s already turning to go when he adds, casually over his shoulder. “See you around, Jyn.”

By the time she’s remembered that she introduced herself when he first came in and recovered from her surprise at hearing her name come out of his mouth, he’s already gone. Apropos of nothing, there’s some buzzy feeling in the pit of her stomach that she kind of wishes would go away, but it’s also the most exciting thing that’s happened to her all night, tragically. The cook ringing the bell to tell her that she’s got orders up is the only thing that startles her out of her reverie. 

She brings the food over to her table of college students, and then goes over to clean off the cute guy’s table. As she’s moving plates around, she notices he left a tip in the form of cash tucked under his water glass. It’s a little over twenty percent, which, given the night she’s had, basically makes this guy the love of her life. She’s pleased enough that she almost forgets to be disappointed he paid in cash, rather than with a card, making it impossible to learn his name. Almost.

[mlobsters]

saw a post yesterday (3 months ago now) that was like finale reactions from not-wincest shippers saying wincest won - but wincest shippers said it wasn't even wincest. which brings me around to my pondering how there's this divide of the ship into wincest / weirdcest / gencest which I'm still not totally sure the difference between the last two. but like, if I'm talking about wincest, I'm not talking about them with fucking required? it's just the dudes in a not-strictly-familial-platonic relationship. which to me, canonically, even in the most literal reading they've got a queerplatonic situation, so that qualifies

i think what i'm boggling over is that (sometimes?) the ship isn't the ship (the key is the key, man) it's like, ship+what they're doing with their dicks.

which led me to reading fanlore's gen and slash and smarm etc articles -> looked for a gencest article, reading the gen sam & dean one and the sam/dean one which is understandably packed with the related shipwar-ish stuff and i'm reminded i just. shouldn't read what anyone has to say about ships and this show. I feel like I'm rarely on the same page as anyone else, which is impressive in a fandom this large. i still don't really understand how the lines between them get drawn. but after all that i read, it sounds like people aren't really in agreement out there on the internet either.

so, this has been in my drafts since december and another post/reply got me to open it back up, someone saying if you want to tag the non-sexual situation it's gencest or weirdcest, not wincest. but I think now my personal understanding/interpretation is that those are just a subset of wincest, not standalone. I think another component of why it gets under my skin too is the inherent devaluation of queerplatonic relationships. a definition borne of the aromatic and asexual communities

and who's to say it isn't romantic? if the lines and beats are romantic, does it stop being so because they're brothers? would we have the same splitting up of the ship if they weren't related? (can guess what my answer would be)

ANYWAY. this was supposed to be how one ship has been split in a way I haven't seen before and find really weird. I can see how say, on tumblr, it's nice to have a tag that's just the qpr relationship, but not to the exclusion of the main ship.

I thought on AO3 it would be more clear cut, but of the 282 tagged with "Gencest | Emotionally Incestuous but Non-Sexual Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester" only 118 are tagged with Dean/Sam. and in the 79 works tagged "Weirdcest | Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester Appear Incestuous to Others Due to Lack of Boundaries", 40 are Dean/Sam.

and while I like the expansion of the tag name to include a definition, what even is emotionally incestuous :p and if there's incest in your definition, how does that not fall under the ship rubric

but being that there's 34,387 works tagged with Dean/Sam, and while there's more things tagged with gencest pre-2020, the majority is 2019+. and weirdcest is nearly exclusively 2021+. so, large consumer of fic that I am, I am sure things that would fall under those labels weren't tagged as such in the main tag.

going back to fanlore, the article about qprs:

Queerplatonic relationship tags are canonized in freeform tags on AO3, but uses in relationship tags are synned to the / tag.[4]

and the reference is:

Cisco Ramon/Caitlin Snow (Queerplatonic) has been made a synonym of Cisco Ramon/Caitlin Snow. Works and bookmarks tagged with Cisco Ramon/Caitlin Snow (Queerplatonic) will show up in Cisco Ramon/Caitlin Snow's filter.

which honestly made me laugh. that's a very specific situation!

but I think a lot of this, for me, circles back to what is a ship even, and why doesn't love for each other above all else+life partners qualify

and yet, look at me the hypocrite, because I tag stuff with "sam and dean" that are the canonical qpr things, but I wouldn't tag wincest because I know a lot of people would have it filtered. whereas anything remotely shippy in xfiles canon, I tag with msr. *facepalm*

and the advice/explanation I've received about tagging other people's posts, canon gifs, what have you; as wincest - that you might be putting their personal squick right in their notifications. so, don't do that! and I've internalized those rules.

and I guess there's plenty of people that watch the show and think they're just regular brothers ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

spn fandom is a minefield even with my skirting at the edges of it.

I don't know what anything means anymore

[babyseraphim]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @emryses, thank you for always tagging me in such fun things!!

1. How many works do you have an AO3? 11

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 122,112

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I write pretty much exclusively for Dead Boy Detectives, but I have a oneshot for Marvel from 2017, and an unfinished AU for Critical Role that I'll probably never go back to

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

By Lantern's Light

my healing needed more than time

foolish flame

The Case of the Selkie's Skin

Overloaded

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do when I have the time and energy. All my free time is kind of eaten up by writing the fics themselves, so unless the comment is really long or really funny, I usually don't respond. But I appreciate every comment just the same, they are what keep me motivated to write

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I honestly don't really do fics with angsty endings? Because all of my fics are super angsty in general, so I like to end things on a positive note. I guess the closest would be The Case of the Selkie's Skin because there's not really any closure there, they just move onto the next case. But even that one still has a cathartic ending.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

foolish flame for sure. A lot of my fic endings tend to be bittersweet in some way, but this one was a pure fluffy ending

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nah. I don't think I've been regularly posting fics long enough for that.

9. Do you write smut?

I have written smut exactly once, and while it was a really cathartic/rewarding experience, I don't know if I'll ever do it again. It's a little too far out of my comfort zone.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No, crossovers aren't really my thing, though I have toyed with the idea of writing a dead boy detectives/pushing daises crossover just for the hell of it. But it probably won't ever make it onto paper.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, and the idea of it kinda scares me lol

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Literally changes day to day. I think kirk/spock is the one that will truly own my heart forever, but payneland really is the perfect ship for me (hence all the fanfiction)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Case of Eros's Arrow, which is sitting with 4 chapters on AO3. I still like the concept of it, and my OCs in it, but my writing has changed so much since I started it and I just don't really feel connected to the work itself anymore. Which is a shame, because I left my readers on a total cliffhanger. Whoops.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do alright with descriptive prose (or I enjoy writing it, at the very least). I'm also good at worldbuilding and coming up with fun/creative plots.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Transitions between scenes, and general construction of dialogue (though I've gotten better at dialogue over recent months). I can also get a little ramble-y when it comes to introspection, though I'm usually pretty good about cutting it all down by the time the final draft is done.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't have many thoughts on it. I only speak english, and the only language I've ever used in my fics besides english is Latin (for magic purposes).

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Supernatural, I think? It was OC fanfiction, I still have it floating around this blog somewhere

20. Favorite fics you've written?

dye it all, rosary I think is my favorite right now. I don't know what the fuck I was on when I wrote that fic, but I wrote chapter 1 in one sitting, and then chapter 2 over the course of a few months. It turned out so much better than I ever could have hoped, and I just truly love it so much.

I also love my healing needed more than time because it has all the stuff that I love in it (magic, lesbians, dogs, kids, and other fun stuff to come). I'm also just really proud that I've managed to stick with it as long as I have; it's the first piece of writing over 14k that I've ever written in my life.

I tag: @many-gay-magpies, @deadtwinksdetectiveagency, @williamvapespeare, and @the-ipre!

[snorlaxlovesme]

what is your favorite line/section of your sick CXS fic? It is so good and I love when authors can share some of their thoughts!

i feel so spoiled with these messages from you, thank you for being so kind my godd

(aforementioned sickfic)

it's hard to choose favorite lines bc genuinely i do love the whole fic so much. a lot of the time i'm writing off the cuff and it just flows out of me in one or two sittings (it's why i'm a one-shot writer) but this was a story that took me months to complete because of all the planning involved (and absolutely fruitless research into Chinese herbal soups, since literally NONE of that research made it into the fic lmao) and so the whole thing feels really special and different from my other stories just because of how much thought was put into it.

it took a long time, but i adored writing the second half, getting to write the same day over again and try to make it identical while FEELING totally different. having Lu Guang totally in pieces over every little change he accidentally makes to the timeline was mwaa *chef's kiss*

i think my favorite line was what i eventually pulling from to make the summary on AO3

"Lu Guang is so tired. He wishes he could freeze this conversation, this whole day, and go nap for a thousand hours. The stress of it all is sucking the marrow from his bones. He wishes he could do today over again. He doesn’t know if he’d have the strength to do today over again."

idk i just feel like it really encapsulates the struggle Lu Guang goes through in this fic and might literally go through on a day to day basis trying to re-live the timeline. like i'm sure every misstep feeling like something Lu Guang would want to do over, but how many times can he handle that, emotionally? like this day mentally broke him and it's literally the most nothing day. Lu Guang forgot to make one phone call and almost suffered cardiac arrest because of it.

plus its very sweet that Cheng Xiaoshi, sick as a dog and feeling down on himself for being left alone all day, comforts Lu Guang after this moment because he can see Lu Guang is going through like a panic-induced existential crisis and mistakes it for Lu Guang ALSO feeling ill, sweet boy ♥

i also really liked the simplicity of these lines (it includes spoilers so look away if you wanna read the fic first. )

But Lu Guang thinks of the tear-streaked smile after Cheng Xiaoshi took that first bite. Spending every waking moment agonizing over his next step won’t get him anywhere. Instead, Lu Guang folds up that smile and tucks it into a corner of his mind for safekeeping. Cheng Xiaoshi thanked him for today. Maybe that is enough.

that part wasn't in the original draft. these lines are in response to CXS thanking Lu Guang for caring for him and i think i had a bit of prose where LG internally laments that he spent half the day ignoring CXS and only took care of him when it was clear Qiao Ling wasn't going to be able to, so the thanks wasn't really deserved. or something self deprecating like that

i had sent my "final draft" to a friend after revising some bits in the flashback and said "i wanna post it but i feel like i need to mess with the ending still. it feels off" my friend insisted what i had was great but i didn't know if the last line of the fic ("Timeline be damned") felt earned. Lu Guang had been a slave to the timeline for the entirety of the story, allowing him to kind of/sort of say "fuck you" to the timeline for a brief moment felt like it was going against everything i had just established, of how IMPORTANT keeping to the timeline was to Lu Guang for the sake of being able to save Cheng Xiaoshi in the future.

it was my friend that gave me the idea to write a simple thesis line that shows what Lu Guang has learned from this. that disaster is definitely a potential outcome in Lu Guang's crazy plan, but seeing Cheng Xiaoshi at peace is enough to make him want to try. like you said in your comment on the fic, if you went back in time, you'd want to be kinder. those lines are Lu Guang reminding himself that seeing CXS at peace has an emotional effect on Lu Guang as well.

ALSO idk the "fold up his smile and tucks it in his mind" bit is cute okay? it's a very cute sentence and i'm proud i wrote it lol

this is very long so i'm gonna stop rambling but again THANK YOU so much for asking me this and for all your sweet messages. i truly can't get over how wonderful it's been talking about this story with you, it's only made me love it more and i already thought it was my magnum opus lmao

[siriuslysatorusimping]

what does gojo feels whenever he woke up with her beside him? and does she have her own closet in his house or she just wears his clothes when she sleepover?

AHHHHHHHH

THIS IS FROM TWO MONTHS AGO.

IT'S BEEN IN MY DRAFTS AND I'M SORRRY.

AHHHHHHHHHHH I'M FINALLY GONNA ANSWER IT

okay so this question was asked before Shibuya, therefore I will answer it with that in mind.

I will also provide an answer for what he felt when he woke up next to her in All That I Am Is Yours to make up for my tardiness 😬

It is BELOW THE CUT!!!! 😊

If you haven't already, you can read Another Level on AO3 💕

Pre-Shibuya Gojo

Pre-Shibuya Gojo was excited when he woke up next to Rinko. A little giddy, a little hopeful. Kinda wondering if he should nix his plan for telling her and just tell her he loved her. He was still kinda scheming.

So, if we think about the the morning of Shibuya, when he told her it was a lazy day in bed, just think literal idiot in love.

He woke up with her snuggled against his chest, her hair all wild, probably some drool, and he looked down and just felt it in his soul that he was gonna tell her that evening that he was in love with her.

Then, as he waited for her to wake up, he started planning. He was gonna tease her a bit by being a dramatic lil dumbass and make her think that because he'd done something like that before for dumb shit, it likely wasn't important. So he knew she'd think he was just being dumb. He was gonna buy her some Thai food and bring her back to his place and make her cum to make her more susceptible, and then he was gonna tell her he was in love with her and then dodge her knives when she inevitably tried to stab him because she didn't believe him. 😂😂😂😂

As for if she had her own closet at his place:

Nope! She just stole his clothes whenever she stayed over 😂 Or, if she knew she was going to be there for a while, she would bring a bag. So up until now, she's essentially been living out of a duffle bag. But she would still steal his clothes to sleep in and obviously she stole all of his sweaters 😂

All That I Am Is Yours- forward

Now? He's just so fucking happy when he wakes up next to her. He has the love of his life who knows he's in love with her by his side. Better yet? She loves him back.

He's relieved. So relieved when he wakes up next to her.

Because now they can start the rest of their lives. She's still recovering, but she's alive. And she's healthy. And she's safe. And he just wants to let her know even more how much he loves her. He didn't get a chance to really talk to her after she woke up initially because Shoko was doing checks and then she passed out as soon as they got back to his condo, so now he has time to talk to her and tell her he loves her and thank her for loving him. And to tell her that she was the only reason he truly wanted to keep living. That without her, he had no reason to live through Sukuna.

So, when he woke up that morning with her sleeping like the dead next to him because her soul was still regenerating, he just decided, "Fuck it, I'm waking her up and asking her to marry me. She can go back to sleep after she says 'yes.'"

He then proceeded to think of how he was going to ask her without her thinking she was dreaming, so he decided he was gonna have to ask something stupid first. And he also tried to think of all the ways he could act completely ridiculous to make sure she thought he was just being an idiot. Because he knew she'd be irritated at being woken up and he also knew that she was going to think he was dumb 😂

And then he woke her up and felt his heart soar at seeing her irritated, sleepy eyes staring up at him, still filled with love, and he felt it again in his entire soul that he loved her more than anything in the world and wanted to spend forever with her.

So then he acted like the dumb lil horny boi we know and love and did exactly as he planned and then proceeded to remember his breeding kink for a moment near the end 😂😂😂😂😂

-

I HOPE THIS MAKES UP FOR TAKING LITERALLY TWO MONTHS TO ANSWER??? 😬💕💕💕💕

[demdifferentstories-29]

20 Questions Game

Thanks for the tag, @bronzeagepizzeria <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

68!

2. What's your total AO3 words count?

734,052

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I really only write Doctor Who aside from a handful of other one-offs I've written, but I literally have at least a hundred WIPs/ideas in my drafts.

Fandoms that I have tons of ideas for are Broadchurch and Jessica Jones (TV series), which I hope to get around to publishing. But I have a fair bit of range hiding away haha.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

In descending order:

Broken-Hearted (cross-over with Broadchurch; multi-chapter; completed)

Braids (one-shot)

Desperate Measures (multi-chapter; completed)

Exes and Ohs (one-shot)

A Lesson in Romantic (AU; multi-chapter; completed)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Pretty much as soon as I can! I appreciate engagement so much and I want to make that known to commenters. Plus, I love a bit of banter and discussion where prompted - it's a delight!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oooo, boy. Probably Happy Together? Or maybe the first chapter of Sunburn? Violet Hill was also pretty sad. I love me some dark, heavy stories that fuck up my beloved blorbos.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Although I haven't updated in it in quite a while, I've written a fair bit of the sequels for the A Lesson in Romance universe, and, boy, have I made those two have a (mostly) happy life together.

In terms of published stories, I think Study Buddies would take the cake or one of the many TentooRose pieces I've done. The former is very classic, high school sweetheart vibes with just enough angst dashed in, and I tend to keep the latter sweet, fluffy and horny.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I received some very intense 'constructive' criticism whilst writing A Lesson in Romance - like I'm talking extremely long paragraphs pretty much deconstructing my writing and questioning my content. I was young at the time, it was my first multi-chapter Doctor Who fic, and the fact that this person also pretty much outright told me how I should write my story pissed me off a bit, so I, in the most polite way possible, asked them to stop reading my story and leaving these comments.

Aside from that? I've really only had one sort of bad comment since then, but I opted to not reply.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Oh, you know I do ;) I currently only write F/M; have explored M/M in the past so I'm down to write queer smut if the inspiration ever strikes.

I'm not really a fan of overly kinky stuff that is, say, explicit/specific (e.g. BDSM), but I don't mind stuff that is vaguely/lightly kinky (i.e. I tend to include voyeurism in my stories, but it's generally accidental). I mostly write either very horny or emotional, intimate stuff - I'm a sucker for the feelings associated with the couple.

It honestly depends on what kind of story I'm writing! But as of recent, I've been mostly producing first-time, emotion-heavy smut with a good serving of horniness/wantonness to build up the tension.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've written two - Broken-Hearted and Fobwatched (if you've been waiting for an update, I promise I think of her often... I'll revive her one day). I'd say BH is crazier, as it does entwine itself with the Human Nature storyline from Doctor Who, but Fobwatched has also had some pretty wacky moments!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, and I really hope not! I have, admittedly, been a bit fearful of it in recent months.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not to my knowledge! But I'm always open to that conversation if people are interested.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Back when I wrote band/music fanfiction (please forgive me for my crimes), I had started drafting out a fic with someone, but it never went anywhere and we didn't communicate very well either :,)

However, I have been beta-ing the lovely @quite-right-too's fic Dona Nobis Pacem, which has been a lovely collaboration <3 I'm so proud of Cody's work and highly recommend you read it if you haven't!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

It would probably be DoctorRose! I've never really been more enthralled with a ship before, and the fact that the special interest is still going strong three years on is a pretty good sign. I also tend to come back to Ellie and Alec from Broadchurch quite often.

In the past, I was a hardcore Reylo fan, and I've always enjoyed random, niche ships within my realm of interests (i.e. Evey and V from V For Vendetta; Jackson and Lisa from Red Eye; an array of ships from my horror movies because I love being delusional).

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Look, I'm quite stubborn in my belief that, ultimately, I will finish all my drafts, but I can say that the drafts from when I first started writing Doctor Who fanfiction have been quite difficult to work on because my writing has changed so much since then!

There are also maybe a WIP or two that I have written purely for myself and will never publish. I will probably take these to my deathbed lol.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm, I've always been complimented for character accuracy, which I do think I have down pact - writing characters like Ten and Rose have gradually become more comfortable for me over the years and I feel like I know them quite well by this point, which is really surprising considering I've never done a proper rewatch of the show since finishing it aside from some scenes/particular episodes!

I've also always been very anal about detail in my stories - I love including the most unnecessary shit in my work!! Do you need to know what Rose had for breakfast? No. Are you gonna know anyway? YES!!! I just love making my stories feel as organic and lifelike as possible.

I've been working really hard on scenery recently, which I've been getting compliments on! I have aphantasia, so this is something I've put a lot of energy and focus into as I've come to realise it's pretty important for readers lol.

And, not to brag, but I do think I write some pretty banging smut. It's taken ten or so years of practice, but I got there in the end.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Eh, I feel I'm not super great at coming up with like... proper action/plot. Like I can do circumstances and events quite alright, but coming up with something like... say, escaping from a villain/bad situation, I've always felt pretty shit at accomplishing. However, I always try to improve.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I only speak English, so it's a bit daunting! But I just use Google Translate and consult others where possible. And, as Niyati has mentioned in her own post, I recently used her technique of writing from the non-speaker's perspective and it's been a welcome addition to my skills! Shout out, girlie <3

19. First fandom you wrote for?

It would've been 5SOS, but those fics are long gone - I deleted them from Wattpad, and the iPod that the original drafts are on doesn't work, unfortunately.

I also wrote about other bands that I listen to - Asking Alexandria, Of Mice & Men, You Me At Six, Pierce the Veil, and Bring Me The Horizon. I still have most of the drafts, but I deleted all but four of them from the internet lol (the ones that were deleted were unfinished works).

I don't write about these people anymore as I did come to realise, Wait a minute, it's kinda weird and gross to write about these people like this lol (no hate on anyone who does). But I'm always down to chat about my sordid past haha.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I would have to say "Come, gentle night, come" as it's probably the most amount of effort I put into writing. I think it's my best smut and cherish it deeply!

Tagging: @quite-right-too, @deardiary17, @insomniac-101, @metacrisisdoctor

[awritingcaitlin]

July Wrap Up

You know, to be honest, I wrote more this month than I thought I would. Not by a lot, but some. Honestly, this month has been a lot of job applications and handling other life aspects rather than writing. Still trying not to hit burnout, so I’m taking it easy where I can. 🎮On the Screen🎮 I actually have been spending a lot of time playing Dragon Age: Origins. It involved a lot of modding (some QOL mods like graphics upgrades and bug fixes, some mesh mods for more character customization options, and some just fun cheating mods because I’ve beat the game at least three times already so I can have some fun.) Playing a Dalish Mage (mod) which functionally just takes the Dalish origin and allows you to be a mage there. Of course, the game is super geared towards you playing a rogue, so I had to have another mod to help compensate that and not lose out on some loot.

Of course, once you get to Ostagar, everything is the same. Except the dialogue options flag for Dalish elf and mage so I get those options. (Generally, there have been some bugs.) Overall though, I’m having fun.

If anyone wants to know more about modding DAO, let me know, because I got very good at figuring that out over a week or so and it was a fun brain exercise. I’d love to help others breathe new life into an older game. 💻At the Keyboard💻 Regarding Dragon Age, I started zero-drafting a fic that’s been in my head for ages. Like, literally 2015 or so. It’s messy, it’s a lot of stream of consciousness. At the moment it’s just for me, but I might one day put it up on AO3 or something. But for now it’s a low-stakes writing project.

I have been working on Heist, it’s just been very slow because I got stuck when I realized several characters wouldn’t do the thing I had on my outline. After a four hour long car ride in which my brain worked on it, I realized that I’ve got to go back several chapters and rewrite half of one to better set this up. Once I’ve done that, I can carry the changes through and then those characters should have the motivation to get me to the scene I need to play out.

I know that’s vague but I promise it makes sense in my head. 💜Regarding Me💜 Still trying to move, still trying to bring in some money to offset moving costs. Still trying to work towards the future that I want. It’s a long road, but we’ll get there!

Everyone take care!

[dragonsaffron]

A Proper Introduction

This post has been sitting in my drafts for literal months at this point, but in response to the impending collapse of Twitter, I figured it was time to finally make a post about my writing so that I could start advertising on this platform.

So, hello, my name is Saffron (though some call me Becca). I am a autistic trans lesbian polyamorous dragonkin (she/they), and I’m a writer. As of right now, the bulk of my writing is available for free online. My main projects are my web novels, which I typically write two of at any given time, releasing chapters every other week on a regular schedule. The publicly available chapters of my novels are available in three places: you can read them on my Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/saffrondragon), on my wordpress page (https://beccawritesbooks.wordpress.com/) or on Scribblehub (https://www.scribblehub.com/profile/9163/saffrondragon/). Warning: Scribblehub is a free story hosting website, so although it has better support structures (bookmarking, ratings, etc) it is also full of weird hentai.

Like I said before, I have a Patreon. As of right now, there are two main benefits to being a patron of mine: at the lowest tier, you get early access to chapters of my books, usually between two and four chapters ahead of the free version depending on how well the writing is going at that time. There’s also a higher tier, which gives access to a collection of short stories I’ve written for Patreon (some of them smutty, others not), and the ability to vote on which short stories I will write next.

And now we get to the reason why I’ve been procrastinating writing this post for so long: now I have to try to summarize all of my various works! The Selene Series: Marcus Farrier is a physics graduate student who gets isekai’d to Selene, a steampunk world where humanity evolved to only have one sex. There, Marcus takes up the name “Emma”, and rapidly gets caught up in the chaotic and deadly politics of Selene, and begins having some revelations about their past, their gender, and how they got to Selene in the first place. The Selene series is actually my longest-running writing project, with four years and two-and-three-quarter books under my belt out of a planned four in total. Currently on hiatus, but I will return to it someday.

The Earthborn Emissary: Alex Sierra is living a normal life, with their girlfriend Miri and their best friend Quinn, until the day they fall ill, go into a coma, and wake up to discover that they’ve just emerged from their chrysalis. Alex is actually an Emissary, an insectoid alien from a species that has been driven to the brink of extinction by a genocide; now, their adoptive parents are going to have to take them into space in search of the other members of their species. My longest single book so far, and the closest thing I’ve come to writing what I would consider to be a “YA” novel. My most popular book, though I don’t quite know why. Currently completed, though I may write a sequel someday. The Chained Flame: My most recent and personal favorite of my novels. It’s a loosely-plotted dark fantasy story telling the life of Lindír, prince of the kingdom of Hvalheim, who was cursed at birth to have the body of a dragon. After growing up in the castle dungeons, Lindír finally finds his freedom, and ends up travelling the North as a wandering entertainer, a savage raider, a royal champion, and more. A very tragic book dealing heavily with the theme of traumatic upbringings. Also features a dragon protagonist who does not at any point become human, nor does he particularly want to. In-progress as of the writing of this post, but barely a week away from completion. I also have a couple of short stories posted, as well as two erotic Locked Tomb fanfics on my AO3 account. I generally post new chapters of my novels every second week, Selene updating on Thursdays and Chained Flame updating on Mondays. 

So yeah, that’s what I do for a living! I’ll probably start making announcement posts for new chapters, both in public and on Patreon, as well as any Patreon exclusives, votes, or anything else writing-related that I’m doing. Indeed, I might be making some more posts later today, so keep an eye out for that. Thank you in advance to anyone who spreads the word, and extra thank you to anyone who actually goes the extra mile and starts supporting me. To all of my followers who aren’t interested in my writing, you can block the “becca writes books” tag, which will cover all of my writing-related posts.

[roseaesynstylae]

I have never started a tumblr ask exchange thing so please be nice

Okay so when I first was drafted into the Null arcs and Badbatchers were separated at decanting theory a few months before I stumbled upon your Ao3 account I coincidentally also came up with a Au involving one half of the Null-Bad batch going on a platonic yandere rampage towards their estranged batch mates although my wip is roughly waist depth in liquid gen rated romcom crackfic hijinks which has been giving me sooo much tonal whiplash whenever I reread your fic which I adore in a way that if I was free of writers block forever i would indulge you with a review of how goregeous it is but i am having a hard time describing your really cool serial killer platonic yandere dark fic and have to ask about something here so I thought maybe that you would enjoy reading what I have of my wip ( if you don’t mind me sharing of course and premature apologies for the remodel of the Great Wall of text on Tumblr I don’t know any other formatting techniques)

So um the major influence behind why I often write with a very humorous quirky quip filled style is due to my mental disabilities/disorders being mostly tolerable when I communicate in person orally ( except when I have an anxiety attack about talking ) but my struggles begin when I have to try to articulate/brainstorm/discuss/summarize my thoughts and fic ideas. I discovered that it is comparatively much easier if I use analogies and describe my things with comedy and wordplay so that is why I tend to be a editor’s nightmare in my wording and sorry for the dumpsterfire of my attempt to explain my take on this au

This au is set in a vaguely no order 66 timeline mostly in the background due to my complete inability to make the fic have a plot if the republic is suspiciously dead despite the empire coincidentally inheriting Literally everything so just picture the entire now living in the Jedi temple the former GAR eating bangcorn while they watch the shenanigans of the Bad batches involuntary collaboration with Keeping Up with the Skiratas like a soap opera. Still brainstorming exactly how the Nulls figured out that they are the first clones eligible for compensation for being swapped at birth but they do and they are NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT so obviously the First contact goes as poorly as the Nulls results on a emotional intelligence and social tact exam and the Bad Batch response is their signature combo of Fight AND Flight ( or well they utilize the inside knowledge of their perfect attendance of 99’s regular Take your Vodike to his Maintenance shifts cause it isn’t safe to use Kamino Daycare and the cadethood spent exploring,navigating and basically knowing every single crawl space maintenance tunnel secret compartment and clone accessible nook and cranny on Kamino to first go into hiding but they are as always overachievers and accidentally hide so well they cause the Nulls to make up for the lost time by terrorizing kamino with the most Intense Game of Hide and Seek ever played. And part of the reason the nulls are so Yandere is that a ever increasing amount of the clone population both on kamino and in general is that starting with the Alpha clones have begun aiding and abetting the Bad batch out of spiteful vengeance towards Skirata Poodoo such as ahem when wrecker leaves to safety of inside the walls to get more food from the cafeteria and a kal Skirata spots him they are blocked by a sudden crowd of petty commandos and reg troopers getting up to go to the fresher and the skiratas are caught in the living traffic jam of clones and all sorts of efforts like this increase frustrating the Skirata clan which is done due to the kal and co having a VERY POOR reputation with the Gar to the point that clone sympathies for the Batch having to escape from their increasingly unstable batchmates are helping in a enemy of my enemy is my friend and I owe the lowercase j jerks for being the indefinite distraction for the mando idolizing Jedi-hating chauvinist condescending egos with the second name skirata. But yeah so part one is basically the nulls impulsively making the worst approach at reuniting possible and the batch for the first time in their clone equivalent of Leeroy Jenkins lives decided to react to the threat via retreat and observation ( for Omega and cause crosshair was sick and thus incapable of voting that violence is the solution for the nulls especially) and the Nulls begin their development arc from at first the nulls notice the Search/hunt for the batch is challenging ( I HC that one of the things that the cloners messed up is having impulsively violent wired for adrenaline clones AND then only giving them physical emotional and mental enrichment via combat makes the way the relationship between both halves of the batch turn toxic … ( I am stuck cannot break the characterization of platonic yandere nulls into words will try later ) so that is what I have of my wip

That sounds funny! I personally wanted to try to be more sympathetic to the Nulls, but the only way I could think of to make them more sympathetic was to just hit them with a ton of trauma. Combine that with my desire to write a particularly dark version of the Bad Batch, and the result is what you’ve seen. I didn’t think of it before, but “platonic yandere” sums up the story.

[quiet-nocturne]

answer your 30 questions please and thank you!!!

WOO. HERE WE GO, YA'LL:

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

How many words have you written this year? Published? 22,685. Unpublished? A loooooot ahaha.

How many works did you publish this year? Currently, 3. Hoping to have 4-5 by christmas though. 👀

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? definitely cause i'm lovesick. That thing was a labor of love. My first fanfic baby in a loooong time.

What work of yours has the most hits? currently cause i'm lovesick (I ain't even ashamed), which is at 735 hits. But it's kind of biased, considering I only came back to fic writing in like october.

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? nothing in particular - I'm just happy to have any engagement!

Favorite title you used honestly, no favorite as of yet. All the titles I've used come from song lyrics that are super royai coded/important to me, so I like them all. That answer could definitely change in the future though!

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? most recently, taylor swift (hopeless, breathless, burning slow), but also banks (cause i'm lovesick and you're all that matters to me anyway - she's SO GOOD for angsty love songs). Lyrics are so, so important to me. I have a ~300 song royai playlist (which I'm going to slim down and post here at some point) that I listen to constantly, lol, and a huge notes file on my phone filled with potential song lyric titles. I have a music degree and it's literally so important to my writing process aajsaksjljasjl.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? Royai. lol. That's not going to change any time soon. The extreme hyperfixation is REAL.

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? Again royai. They're the best. My babies. 💖

What work was the quickest to write? Surprising, chapter 2 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. started it last night and i'm already nearly done the first draft. That thing flew out of me, especially considering chapter 1 was much more of a journey lol.

What work took you the longest to write? definitely chapter 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. it wasn't the writing that was the issue - it was the editing. I really dragged my feet on it, and could have had that thing out like 2 weeks ago. 🤦‍♀️

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? oh god. my wip's currently include: - chapter 2 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow - sequel to cause i'm lovesick (I ain't even ashamed) - a christmas fic - angsty, hurt/comfort, character exploration, ishval restoration multi-chaptered fic (I'm REALLY excited to work on this!!! yay angst) - roy and riza returning to her old father's house post-cannon and STUFF HAPPENS, fluff, hurt/comfort, etc (also really excited for this one! i've been daydreaming about it for MONTHS. Even just thinking about this fic feels like sinking into a warm bath. That's the vibes I want it to give) - ANOTHER post-promised day fic, because I'm a broken record, but this time more humorous/cute. - aaaand yet another post-promised day fic, but one where Riza REALLY ISN'T DOING WELL/almost dies like a million times at the hospital and roy is sad (!!!). - briggs angst/sick fic - does that make sense? no? it will. Yeah. yeahhh. That list is only going to get bigger. 🤷‍♀️ Some of these will also, shockingly, not have smut lol.

What’s your longest work of the year? So far, ch. 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow at a whopping 9, 792 words. It really ran away from me.

What’s your shortest work of the year? mmm, you're all that matters to me anyway at 5,954 words. apparently I can't write anything below 5k lol. 🤷‍♀️

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? Oof, I mean probably most of what I had listed above. I aim to have some of it done - but it's already December 7th, so yeah.

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? Smut. lol.

Your favorite character to write this year? Surprisingly, Roy. I almost find him easier to write than Riza. Normally I don't enjoy writing from the male perspective. But Roy Mustang is just 🔥. I was so surprised lol.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? No one, as of yet. But we'll see what I say once I start working more on the multi chaptered fics. 😬

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? More Royai, maybe with a dash of Roy/Maes. Maybe I'll try a bit of Ed/Winry? Who knows!

Which work of yours have you reread the most? chapter 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. I am so fucking sick of it ahaha helppp.

How many kudos in total did you get this year? Currently at 142! You are all so sweet. 😭

Which work has the most comments? I think cause i'm lovesick at the moment!

Did you do any collaborative works this year? nope! Definitely something I'd consider doing in the future though!

Did you write any gifts this year? maybe! 👀 we shall see

Did you receive any gifts this year? nope!

What’s your most common category? ...Smut. lol. 🤷‍♀️

What do you listen to while writing? ahhhh I love talking about music with my ships! like I said, my ridiculously huge royai playlist. also all of my top songs on spotify were from it, which includes: 1. Say Yes to Heaven - Lana Del Ray (i've got my eye on you / i've got my mind on you) 2. Work Song - Hozier (no grave could hold my body down / i'll crawl home to her) 3. I Wanna Be Yours - Artic Monkeys (secrets i have held in my heart / are harder to hide then i thought / maybe i just wanna be yours) 4. Night We Met - Lord Horan feat. Pheobe Bridges (i had all and then most of you / some and now none of you / take me back to the night we met / i don't know what i'm supposed to do / haunted by the ghost of you) - that ishval restoration fic is definitely going to use a lyric from this song SOMEWHERE Honorable mentions: Die First - Nessa Barrett (someone dies or someone gets hurt / but if one of us dies / i hope i die first) Ya'aburnee - Halsey (i'll never know / if there's danger in confession / or it's memory that presses / like a blade against my throat / another word and i could choke / but what's worst? / tellin' you my feelings / or to die without revealing / that you got inside my head / and set a fire there instead?) Dress - Taylor Swift (there is an indentation in the shape of you / made your mark on me, a golden tattoo / all of this silence and patience / pining and anticipation / my hands are shaking from holding back from you) 10000/10, would play at royai's wedding.

Favorite work you wrote this year? cause i'm lovesick. Again, it was my baby. I loved writing it so much.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? mmmm, probably: "She'd planned to stay angry at Mustang for longer, but then he'd surprised her by sauntering into her apartment basically the second his train had arrived, eyes blazing with desire as he collected her in his warm embrace, murmuring you have no idea how much I've been craving to taste you against the soft skin of her throat." (I tried to find one that was mostly sfw lol).

Biggest surprise while writing this year? Just being able to write, in general! It's been so much fun. 💖

[drarrily-we-row-along]

2022 At a Glance

So, I debated doing the AO3 Wrapped thing, I've been tagged a couple of times in year end reviews, and things for 2023; I've been putting them off and feeling a little like I didn't want to waste anyone's time with reading any of those things. But I never feel like reading those things for other people is a waste of my time, so it's not fair to assume anyone else does either.

Also, one of my New Year's Resolutions is to be kinder to myself and celebrate my own wins, so we're starting here. I'm really proud of how much writing I've done this year, so I'm going to share some of the things I'm most proud of. So many people in this fandom have offered me such kindness and loving support; I'm so grateful for the soft place to land here on tumblr.

I'm combining a couple of different things, so here's my year at a glance in fandom and a couple of hopes and dreams for the year to come:

1. How many words have you written this year? 413,515 2. How many works did you publish this year? 174 3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? Against an Endless Tide is one of my favorites- not only because I love that iteration of Harry and Draco but because this work shows me how much I have grown as a human in regards to my own trauma. 4. What work of yours has the most hits? A Kiss to Build a Dream On 5. What work of yours has the most kudos? Drarry has not just the most kudos for this year but of any fic I've ever posted. And I'm honestly kind of mad about it. This was one of those fics that I spent 30 minutes on and sent out into the world (it's literally 1000 words and complete nonsense). And it has more kudos than things that I've spent weeks (months, years) plotting and drafting. Yeah, this was my least favorite look at my stats. smh. 6. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? Bro. Don't ask. I have so many WIPs it's like a graveyard in my docs. Who knows which one's will see the light of day. 7. What’s your longest work of the year? Making it Work which is very much not complete yet and will be coming into 2023 with me. 8. What’s your shortest work of the year? Jam (50 words) a microfic that I was very proud of because it feels like sunshine when I read it. 9. How many kudos in total did you get this year? 37,312 10. Biggest surprise while writing this year? How many people related to pieces that I've privately categorized as my "unofficial trauma response series". It's made me feel really sad that so many people can relate to the pieces that are written out of that grief but it's also really made me want to write more of that to offer hope. 11. Do you have a word count goal for the upcoming year? 500,000 words is the goal. (It might be worth noting that it was last year's goal as well and I achieved it, just not 'published' words.) 12. Do you plan to write any original fiction this year? Maybe. It's a long held dream of mine to be an actual published author of my own works. Yes, I'll probably (hopefully) write some but I don't know if I'll end up sharing any of it.

That's it, friends. Thanks for reading my fics this year and joining me in this year of self-discovery. I feel like my writing style has changed and I've really fallen into myself more. Looking forward to seeing what 2023 holds. <3

[tthael]

Hi! I really hope this question doesn't bother you, this isn't meant to stress you out or make you hurry up! It's just that i really love your indelicate fic (It literally made me enjoy fics as a whole and change my perspective!) and I was wondering if you were planning on continuing it or not. Btw, i love your writing as a whole I think you are really talented

Thank you so much!

In a word: Yes, I plan to continue it.

I've had devastating writer's block since 2020, and I'm just starting to feel myself come out of it. I know how Indelicate is meant to go (I've had my outline in place for quite some time) and I even know how the end of the next chapter is meant to go. (I know it's a bit of a cliche to mention "characters talking to the writer," but I've been stalled out a bit on getting Richie & Eddie out of Ben's house, and I was at work this last month and Maggie Tozier started telling me how the big turning point of that chapter was going to go.)

Caveats: I am feeling less passionate about IT than I was when I started Indelicate. My interest has moved to other fandoms, and I have found myself writing for other fandoms, though I have yet to publish these projects. I also have a number of uncompleted IT Works In Progress in addition to Indelicate, which are currently in my drafts but that I intend to make available on AO3 whether or not I finish them (copperbadge does a sort of fic graveyard each year for unused WIPs and I admire that, especially because I believe that derivative work (fanfiction) should never be behind a paywall. Indelicate is fleshed-out enough that it will never end up in a fic graveyard, but it bothers me as well that I have this longstanding popular WIP that so many people (myself included) would like resolution to. I am also working full-time.

This is such a nice ask and not at all an aggressive way of, say, checking my temperature on Indelicate. The support that I got when I was publishing the chapters in sequence in early 2020 was beyond anything I ever dreamed of, and I still appreciate each and every one of my readers, whether or not they have moved on to other fandoms. And the continuing engagement readers have with the fic means a lot to me as well--the immortal word and all that. I remain open to questions about my writing and I do like to hear from people who like my work.

[transitat]

Fic Tag Game

I was tagged by @beri-allen. Thanks!

How many works do you have on Ao3? 14

What's your Ao3 word count? 51 699

What fandoms do you write for? Currently only Wednesday, but I used to be really active in the Harry Potter fandom in middle/high school.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. Biology Lessons 2. I Dig You (Up) 3. Read the Fine Print 4. Payback Is a Bitch 5. Window Shopping

Do you respond to comments? I did for a bit but I honestly don't know what to say other than "alkjsjdf thank ily" and I feel super awkward. I love you all and your comments make my days brighter <3.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Why would you ask me, a porn writer, this... I Dig You (Up), 100%.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I'm a porn writer, they all have ✨ happy endings ✨. I'd say Biology Lessons.

Do you get hate on fics? No hate so far, just one very very horny man who described what he did (in detail) while reading the fic. I deleted that comment after vomiting in my mouth a bit.

Do you write smut? What kind? Yes. And yes.

Do you write cross-overs? I've never been interested in crossovers. And I usually only fixate on one thing at a time.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No. Let me call my waifu real quick to see if she's interested in some translation work lol (we're both professional writers/translators)

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? No. Hmu tho 👀 

What WIP you would like to finish, but doubt you ever will? I'll finish all of them... eventually. I will!

What's your all-time favorite ship? Let's go back to my roots: Wolfstar (Sirius Black x Remus Lupin) from Harry Potter. I've been in love with Remus since I was 9 and I love angsty relationships. I've had a thousand OTPs in my life, but they're my forever one.

What are your writing strengths? I will literally write 10k in one go.

What are your writing weaknesses? If I don't want to write, I will not write. I've literally stared at blank pages for months. But it's a cycle, I know I'll be back on my bullshit in no time.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Depends.

First fandom you wrote for? Harry Potter, closely followed by The Mortal Instruments.

Favorite fic you've ever written? I'm so so happy with Stuck in the Middle with You. It was a literal 6k word vomit that came out fabulous. I have to say that Heaven's a Place on Earth with You (a short Attack on Titan thing I wrote like 10 years ago) has a special place in my heart.

What fic would you want to rewrite one day? Frankly, all of them. I'm impatient and publish first drafts and I think they deserve some reworking. They're fine for now but if I ever want these to become a portfolio, they'll need some serious editing. This might be the right time to confess that all my fics are written by a possessed author, reread for typos once then published as they are. Y'all are tapping directly into my brain here.

I've been out of order for so long idk what's been going on/who's done this already. I tag @suchaladyy, @nonamemanga, @cupoteahatter, and @wincestation

[multisfabulis]

A Common Rarity

An Icy Reunion (Chapter 1/7)

Word Count: 4378

Hello to all my readers! Yes, I am finally back to post this and I apologize for the long wait!

Believe me when I say I didn't plan on taking almost 4 months to post my first fic of the year but life has a funny way of showing how cruel it can be to me. As I explained on Twitter, my hard drive suddenly died on me way back in February and, due to me not having any backups available, I couldn't begin writing this until after I had my files recovered, which included the outline and rough draft for this fic. I literally finished writing the first chapter's draft the night before everything happened so I was doubly upset! So, after almost a month of settling everything IRL, I was finally able to sit down and do the process of editing and revising the chapter before sending it off to my beta reader and letting them do their magic. It took a while but that's how we got here!

So! This fic is pretty much Ferreth's version of TRFBD was to Ven. He's going to be confronting his abusers and dealing with his self-worth issues in this, with the help of his now-girlfriend Ven! I have been wanting to write this for so long, especially since this is taking place a couple years in the future after MZCR, the first fic to show Verreth being a couple, and I'm finally able to add more to Ferreth's character that isn't just him being a simp or being down over his perceived lack of value (Yes, I know LTL did a similar job to that but this is centered on and will be mostly written in his POV, unlike LTL, so it's not quite the same!). I can only say that I hope you all will enjoy reading this up to the last chapter whenever it is written!

One last thing is that the first chapter was beta'd by my friend rosemaryblues! They did a lot of work in trimming this down and making it flow better so please show them some appreciation! As always, thank you for helping me!

Read on AO3 | Read on DeviantArt | Support me on Ko-fi!

     He could hardly believe it. He never thought he’d be here again, not after what happened seven years ago. A part of him wanted to turn heel and run while another kept him rooted to in place. It was no use. He may as well just accept the truth that was staring him right in the face.

     Ferreth was back “home” again.

     Thesriden seemed to be how he left it that night. The same cobblestone roads covered in snow, the same black lamp posts that dotted the sidewalk on main street, the same charmingly garish shops welcoming passerbys with warm glows from the inside. It was exactly like how he remembered it. Even the many paths that climbed up and around the surrounding mountains had remained as they were. Everything looked to be unchanged from his memories, to the point it was uncanny.

     His heart pounded in his ears. Shivers ran down his spine, but he wasn’t cold in the least. His vision began to fade in and out as the biting chill in the air caused the ache in his arms to flare up in pain. All the thoughts rushing through his head were screaming at him to run; to run and never look back---

     “Ferret? Are you okay?”

     A familiar voice broke through his mind’s cacophony. His eyes turned towards Ven, who appeared to be studying him. Her brows were furrowed in concentration as she stood in front of him, and she reached a gloved hand out to touch his cheek.

     “Are you with me now?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

     Seeing the worry across her face snapped him out of his stupor. He took her hand in his and tried to steady his breathing. He was beginning to understand just a little of how she felt when they arrived in Thal Esari a couple years ago. God, how did she make it look so easy back then?

     “You’re back.” Her gaze softened as the corners of her mouth curled up into a tiny smile. “I’m glad. You had that far-off look in your eyes, the one I usually get when I remember something bad.”

     “Yeah, sorry about that,” he apologized, bringing her fingers up to his lips. He didn’t want to upset her more than he already had. “I’m all right now, though, so don’t worry about me, okay?”

     “...Okay.”

     He needed to be better. He couldn’t have Ven worrying herself sick just because he couldn’t handle being back here. He either had to suck it up or deal with it in a way she wouldn’t be capable of noticing.

     “So,” Ven started with renewed vigor, “now that we’re here, what’s the first order of business?”

     “Hmm…” Despite needing to find a place to stay, he had something else in mind. “Let’s go see my old man. I wanna get this over with sooner rather than later.”

     “All right, then. Lead the way.”

     So they began the long trek up to Ferreth’s childhood home. People stared at them as they walked past, some directed at him but almost all eyes were on Ven. Vlixeoxs were believed by many Dradnach to be fairy tales, scary stories to tell to children in order to spook them into being on their best behavior. She would be the first, and likely only one they’d see in their lifetimes. Her grip on his hand tightened in response to this. It was due to this that he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and brought her close. That sent a message and it was one they all read loud and clear.

     His mind kept replaying the events that led up to them being here today. It was only a month or so ago now Bris had flown down to Aurora Zenith to deliver some serious news to him. His father had fallen ill and it was unclear whether he’d pull through or not. Although apparently he was alive and kicking by the time Bris received word of it, he still thought it was urgent enough to tell Ferreth of it. It was certainly a surprise to hear about what had happened.

     Yet he found the whole situation strange. Why did he care whether his father lived or died? It was that man’s fault that Ferreth grew up to have such low fucking self-esteem. Both his and Kandorinth. So why did he even feel some need to care?

     Maybe raising a little girl of his own was beginning to make him see things differently.

     Whatever the case may be, here he was. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared. There were plenty of ways he imagined this trip to be going, all of which ended pretty badly for him. At least Ven was here to help him through this.

     It wasn’t even a question of whether she wanted to come with him or not. The moment he informed her of this, she was asking him when they could leave, and if they should bring Ammy along.

     It was then he understood what she meant. When she had asked him to come with her to Thal Esari for her own quest, she said it was because he gave her the courage she lacked. Those words rang out in his head and he took them to heart. Much like how he was her rock back then, she was his for the now.

     Eventually, after walking several miles up one of the steeper paths, they arrived at their destination; a quaint stone cabin on a little ledge that jutted out the side of the mountain, giving its residents a rather impressive view of Thesriden below. Black smoke billowed out of the chimney atop the roof as dim orange light glowed from within the house. The steps leading up to the front door looked like they had seen better days. This was certainly a sight for sore eyes, though it seemed almost smaller than he’d remembered.

     The stairs creaked beneath their feet as they walked up to the door. With anxiety toiling in his stomach, he rapped his knuckles against the wood one, two, three times before stopping. It didn’t take long for him to pick up on the sound of someone shuffling around inside and that got his mind racing.

     Who was going to be on the other side of the door? Would it be his father or Kandorinth? He could handle his father but if it was his brother? God, he might as well just hightail the hell outta there while he still could.

     “It’ll be okay, Ferreth.” He felt Ven squeeze his hand gently. It was only then he realized he was trembling. “No matter what happens in there, I’ll be by your side, okay? So don’t worry.”

     Cracking a smile for the first time since they entered Thesriden, he held her hand as tightly as he could.

     The door swung open. Behind it was an older man with light brown skin similar to his own, short blond hair streaked with gray, and sharp gray eyes. He had white stubble all along his jaw and mouth, a surprising change to the full beard he usually sported. He wasn’t the only one who changed over the course of seven years. Despite all of this though, Norvicross looked good for a Dradnach in his nineties.

     Their eyes met. He watched his father’s gaze shift from confusion to recognition to finally shock as he realized who was standing right in front of him.

     “F-Ferreth?” His voice sounded older, raspier. “You’re here.”

     “Yeah, I know. It’s been a while.” The words came out stilted as he struggled to find something else to say. “How have you been?”

     Clearing his throat, Norvicross replied stiffly, “Good! Good. Um, what brings you out here? I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

     “Bris told me you got sick a while back, said it was pretty bad. I wanted to come see you so…”

     “Well, I’m glad you decided to come back!” He let out a nervous laugh before falling silent, effectively bringing the conversation to a standstill.

     God, this was painfully awkward. It wasn’t like he was going to be a sparkling conversationalist throughout this meeting, but this was worse than he thought. Maybe he should’ve prepared more for this…

     “Ah, I see you have someone with you!” He felt Ven jump slightly beside him as his father grasped at a new avenue of talk. “What’s your name, miss?”

     “Oh, um, I-I am Venlithea Virthana--” she gave a respectful bow before continuing on, “--though most people just call me Ven. I’m Ferreth’s girlfriend.”

     “Hmm, he sure knows how to pick ‘em. I must say, though, I don’t think I’ve seen an elf quite like you before.”

     “That’s because she’s a, um…Vlixeox.”

     “Oh. Well. Hmm.”

     He didn’t think it was possible for things to be worse than they already were but he was wrong.

     “How about you two come inside? I think we have a lot to talk about.”

     Norvicross stepped aside to let the pair in. They walked into a small (by Dradnach standards anyway) living room that felt even more cramped due to the sheer amount of things lying around everywhere. In front of the lit fireplace was an upholstered emerald coloured sofa, two similar-looking chairs on either side of it. The one on the left seemed to be extremely worn while the other was practically spotless. Above the mantel was a family portrait, depicting a much younger Norvicross. A woman sat beside him, her warm smile highlighted by the fireplace. He and his brother were seated on their laps, their smiles equally as bright.

     Ferreth’s heart ached upon seeing his mother. It had been almost a decade since her death. She had looked so healthy, and so happy back then. Visiting her resting place was another thing he needed to do while he was here. It’d be nice to tell her of everything that’s happened.

     As they all sat down, Norvicross commented to Ven, “You know, in all my years, I never thought I’d see someone like you, much less meet one. Frankly, I didn’t think your kind existed!”

     “You wouldn’t be the first to say something like that,” she remarked with a nervous giggle.

     “Forgive me if I’m asking for too much but would you mind showing me what you can do? I’m quite curious!”

     “Oh, well, uh, o-okay.” She took a deep breath in and held out her hand. Wisps of darkness trailed down her arm before forming something resembling a small ball in her palm. It then began to flicker in and out like smoldering embers in a dying fire. “Is this okay?”

     Taken aback by the display of power, Norvicross leaned in to start inspecting it from every angle. “Now that is an extraordinary power, young lady.” Once Norvicross’ curiosity had been sated, he returned to his seat. “I hope you’ll show me more of that during your stay here.”

     “Oh, I-I-I don’t know if that would be…”

     “Can you just cut the crap already?” interrupted Ferreth, who was this close to leaving the house in a huff. “Ven and I are tired, and if we’re just here to trade fake pleasantries then we might as well go.”

     “...Right.” Norvicross sat up straight and cleared his throat. “I understand you’ve come all this way, and it wouldn’t be right to just merely entertain…” The older Dradnach paused, his eyes sullen. “I know it must have been hard, just coming to face me, and well…--”

     “--Ferreth…I’m sorry.”

     He was…sorry?

     For what?

     For being a shitty father? Not loving him the way he was supposed to?

     Ferreth couldn’t remember the last time his father apologized to him. He couldn’t even remember if he’d ever apologized to him. What was going through his head right now?

     “I realize that many of the things I said and did to you as a child were just, well, completely unacceptable. I should’ve been better,” Norvicross confessed, rubbing the back of his neck.

     After letting what he said sink in, Ferreth asked sardonically, “How long has it taken you to figure that out, huh?”

     “Too long. If I really had to put a time to it, I’d say it was…around the time you left Thesriden. I’m just surprised you came back after everything.”

     “Oh, that makes two of us, believe me.”

     “Listen, Ferreth, I want to make it up to you. I know no amount of groveling or begging will erase the years of pain I put you through. You’re my son and I shouldn’t have treated you like that.” He breathed in deep before continuing on. “I want to do right by you so…would you care to tell me everything you’ve been through on your journey? I want to know what you’ve been up to since you left.”

     He sounded genuine enough. However, Ferreth knew better than to take his father on his word. Sure, he seemed to have acknowledged his wrongdoings and the effect they had on him growing up but did he really mean it? Or was he only doing this to alleviate the guilt he felt? Ferreth didn’t know what to believe.

     But there was only one way to find out.

     “I won’t force you to do that if you’re not interested, though. I’m just---”

     “All right, all right,” Ferreth stopped him from floundering any further. Admittedly, he liked seeing his father struggle with his words. “Pick a time and place, then we’ll talk.”

     “...Thank you, Ferreth, I---”

     “But I’m saying it now, if I find that you really haven’t changed over the past few years, then I’m gone. I’m not putting myself through that shit again.”

     With a slow nod, Norvicross simply said, “I understand.”

     He was drawing the line here. He already spent seventeen years being demeaned, belittled, and mocked by both his father and Kandorinth and he refused to give them any more of his time. Things were going to be different, whether they liked it or not.

     Norvicross showed them to the door and bade them farewell with promises to meet up again sometime in the near future. Then they set off for the next stop, with Ferreth feeling mildly surprised that the reunion went as smoothly as it did.

     The next order of business was checking in at the inn. It was a place that, by virtue of it being high up in the mountains and its clientele being fellow Dradnach, could rent out small cabins to visitors instead of rooms like most other inns. It gave them more privacy and space to work with, along with other little bonuses like extra storage, and a sense of peace and tranquility. Not even Thornewind had something like this during his time living there.

     With night quickly descending upon them, they needed to hurry and get themselves settled in. If he was remembering correctly, the cabins came stocked with pre-packaged meals in case of emergencies. Still, with how long they’d been traveling up till now, they were exhausted. He was almost tempted to go without dinner but---

     “Ah, I see you’ve returned, Ferra.”

     Oh.

     Oh fuck.

     Fuck, fuck, fuck!

     Memories of that night flashed in his mind. A fist flying through the air to strike, snow whipping around him, ice seeping into his veins, his slit eyes. He could never forget the sheer agony he felt as thousands of tiny pinpricks stabbed his arms, right down to the very bone. He begged and pleaded for death to take him then, all in hopes it’d stop the pain.

     Everything blurred together in a haze. He gasped for air as a dying man would, his hands clutching at his chest to relieve himself of the anguish he felt. Ven calling out to him barely registered in his mind, her voice growing more and more distant the louder his heart pounded.

     Cold.

     So cold.

     He had to run.

     He needed to run.

     Why couldn’t he run?

     Why couldn’t he move?!

     But it was too late. A hand clapped his shoulder and he knew it was over.

     Entering his line of sight was a familiar man. Striking blue eyes bore into his, disdain rising beneath with a tight frown. It felt like they were peering straight into Ferreth’s soul.

     God, Kandorinth hadn’t changed one fucking bit.

     “Are you not going to say hi to your brother, Ferra?” Kandorinth asked, his frown twisting into a dubious smirk. “It’s been about seven years, hasn’t it?”

     He tried with all his might to force the words out but they just wouldn’t come to him. It was as if someone had stolen his voice, rendering him speechless.

     “Oh, what’s the matter, wyvern got your tongue?” Kandorinth scoffed, his eyes never once leaving Ferreth’s as he took a step forward. “I gotta say, it’s strange not hearing you prattle on and on about---”

     “Ah, you must be Kandorinth! You know, Ferreth’s told me so much about you since we arrived here!” Ven chimed in, putting herself between the two men.

     As if noticing for the first time she was there, Kandorinth narrowed his gaze at her. “And who on earth are you supposed to be?”

     “I’m Venlithea. I’m Ferreth’s girlfriend,” she replied. She giggled rather uncharacteristically, angling herself to look up at him. “You’ll have to excuse him, we’ve come a long way to get here and he’s feeling a little tired.”

     Her name was stuck in his throat. He wished he could tell her to not engage with him, to not put herself on Kandorinth’s radar. He knew his brother wasn’t above using violence to achieve his goals, and she’d be the perfect target.

     If only he wasn’t so weak, then this wouldn’t be happening!

     “I see…” Kandorinth backed up a little and folded his arms across his chest, his smile only getting wider. “So tell me, Ferra.” He tilted his head towards his brother. “What made you decide to come back home? I thought you had all but abandoned us.”

     “We got news that his father had fallen ill a little while ago and we wanted to come see him. Is that a problem?” Ven tilted her own head to obscure Kandorinth’s vision, causing him to blink in surprise.

     “No…but I didn’t think he cared at all about Father. I mean, what kind of son runs out on his family for seven years, telling them nothing of his whereabouts or why he left them in the first place?”

     “Well, that’s why we’re here. Ferreth feels really bad about leaving you and he wanted to make amends for that. We would’ve come up sooner but he just didn’t know when would be the right time. He’s really sorry and he hopes you’ll forgive him, right, sweetheart?”

     “Is she right, Ferreth? Did you really come back home to make amends with me and Father?”

     “Like I said, he’s really-”

     “I’d suggest you keep quiet while we’re talking, Thea.”

     Anger stirred from within Ferreth. It was one thing for Kandorinth to treat him like crap but he had absolutely no right to even be speaking to Ven. It was this that, despite the terror currently strangling him, had him mutter through gritted teeth,

     “It’s as she said. We’re here to make amends. Nothing more, nothing less.”

     A moment passed before Kandorinth sneered. “It’s nice hearing your voice again, Ferra, especially after we exchanged such harsh words the last time we talked.”

     That was one hell of a way to put it. The ache in his arms flared up as he remembered the events that transpired that night.

     “Well, I think we’ve done enough catching up for now, wouldn’t you say?” With yet another smirk, Kandorinth took a few steps back and turned in the direction from which they came from. “I’ll be seeing you again, Ferra. I look forward to hearing about all your little…exploits. Until then!”

     With that, he turned on his heel and left. They watched him go further and further down the road till he was but a speck in the distance before he disappeared completely. It was then Ferreth dropped to one knee.

     “Fuck…” he panted, “I--I can’t breathe…”

     Ven knelt down in front of him, taking his face into her hands and asking, “Hey, hey, Ferreth, look at me, okay? Look at me, what’s going on? What do you need? Do you need to sit down?”

     A weak nod spurred her into action. After helping him up to his feet, she threw his arm over her shoulders. Finding a set of wooden benches nearby, she sat him down, brushing the hair from his face. “Are you okay now? Do you need anything?”

     “Just…stay with me, please…”

     Nothing more needed to be said between them. She simply took his hands in hers and held them while he tried to steady his breathing. He’d inhale, hold for a few seconds, then exhale and repeat the process. His heart eventually stopped racing and his mind slowly cleared.

     Winding his arms around her, he dropped his head onto Ven’s chest and murmured, “Sorry, I didn’t know it would get that bad.”

     She breathed a sigh of relief before doing the same, carding her fingers through his hair in a soothing gesture. “So long as you’re okay. What happened back there? I’ve never seen you like that before.”

     “Let’s just say the last time me and Kandorinth talked, it didn’t end so well.” He pressed his ear against her chest. Her heart rang steady, comforting, and he let out a small sigh. “It…wasn’t good.”

     “We don’t have to stay here, you know? We could just leave right now and no one would know.”

     “I don’t think that’s going to work. Besides, it took us three weeks to get here and I don’t want the time we spent traveling to be wasted.”

     “But that doesn’t mean you should suffer while we’re up here!” She lifted his face to look at hers. “You may be the strongest person I know but even you have your limits, so please--” she stroked a thumb along his cheek. “--don’t feel like you need to be brave for me, okay?”

     This brought back memories of when they went to Thal Esari for her own journey and how he was saying much the same things she was to her. The quiet resolve in her eyes, the determination she had to see her quest through to the end; they were things he both envied and admired her for. So, as terrified as he was being back here again, he was going to follow her example and face his past head-on.

     He would not let his father and Kandorinth run him out of town again.

     Pulling back, he reached a hand out to cup her cheek. “I know and I’ll be okay. So long as you’re here with me.” He gave her a small smile. “Things are different now and I’m not the same person I was back then. I’m not going to be cowed into running away with my tail between my legs.”

     “What are you going to do then?” she asked insistently. “What if Kandorinth tries to go after you? I don’t want you getting hurt because of him.”

     “Well, I don’t think he’s stupid enough to try anything. He may be an asshole but he’s not dumb. Still, I want you to be careful around him. I know you can take care of yourself and all but---”

     “Oh, if he tries anything, I will kick his ass. He may be a big, scary dragon but I’ve faced scarier things than him. He’s got nothing on me.”

     With this, his face broke into a grin. “Thanks, Ven.”

     He leaned down to kiss her before he drew her into a tight embrace, a gesture she returned by nestling her cheek into his stomach and wrapping her arms around his waist.

     It was moments like these that reminded him of how strong she was, contrary to her petite stature. She may have presented herself as this soft, delicate waif of a girl but he’d seen the tough, firm might she had underneath. She was able to handle both a glaive and heavy gardening equipment with ease, not to mention her prowess and finesse over her ability to control darkness. She was a miniature powerhouse, and that was one of the many things he loved about her.

     Kandorinth wouldn’t do anything to them, that much he knew. But if he was ballsy enough to try, Ferreth was fully confident in Ven’s ability to win. She would kick his ass six ways to Sunday and he’d revel in it.

     That’d definitely be the show of a lifetime.

     “I love you.”

     “Love you too.”

     Soon, they arrived at the inn. With a key in hand, he and Ven made their way over to the cabin they’d be staying in for a few days. The moment they stepped inside, they were greeted by a pleasant, cozy warmth the room seemed to emanate. There was wood paneling on the walls and the floor was made entirely out of a dark hardwood that creaked with each footfall. The living room, dining room, and kitchen were all in the same area, with only a meter or so of empty space dividing them into each of their own separate sections, and an enormous fireplace sat in the back.

     A narrow hallway off to the right led to a small bedroom that had a king-sized bed and an armoire. Next door to it was an equally-sized bathroom, with a large vanity that had two sinks attached to it, a claw-footed tub, and a separate chamber containing a modernized garderobe.

     Ferreth sighed, flopping down backwards on the bed. He didn’t think he’d be back in Thesriden again. On that night, seven years ago, he swore up and down he’d never return, not after all the things his father and brother did to him. Yet here he was, jumping on the meager chance things might’ve changed between them in his absence. Was he being too naive, too foolish in giving them this opportunity to prove that things would be different?

     He didn’t know.

     Whatever the case may be, the next few days were going to be interesting. Very interesting, indeed…

[smooth-boob]

⭐ !!!

Fanfic Writers: Director's Cut Game

Thank you for sending this, and once again I am literally so sorry, but this is just going to be a long diary entry about The Bustle in a House, a Bridgerton fic I wrote, particularly the epilogue. My inner monologue is loud, and normally it's just me in here! Apart from being unhinged in tags, I don't post a lot of personal things on here, but I have something to say!

I feel like I talk about The Bustle in a House a lot on here, and in terms of hits/kudos/statistics, it's not one of my most popular fics (I mean, it's not shippy and it's aggressively sad, so I get it lol), but it was really a breakthrough story for me! Link at the bottom for shameless self promo, woo.

It's funny, looking at my google docs now, I guess it only took me six weeks to write, but it was literally all I thought about for those six weeks. I was scratching at the walls of my enclosure writing this thing. Apart from a couple Bridgerton one-shots and a quickly abandoned fic, I hadn't written almost anything on my own in such a long time. It was also emotionally charged and gritty and I was so impatient to get the story out but I needed to get it out the way that felt right.

Beyond that, I struggle(d) to write complete stories that aren't just scenes stitched to each other. Honestly, Bustle is still like that, but it all stitches together very nicely if I do say so myself. Still, I had been agonizing a little bit over the fact that I didn't know how the fic was going to end. I couldn't keep writing it forever...I mean, I guess I could, because it's really not that long, and there's actually more of it in my drafts, but I was trying to tell a very particular story and also have I mentioned that I am impatient? But the story didn't have an end because it's an origin story about unhealed trauma, so what was I going to do with that?

So, at least to give myself a bookend to the real story, I wrote the epilogue. I wrote it in a thirty-minute fit of inspiration one evening while tipsy on red wine, sitting at a desk in my parents' house where I'd been living for about three years because y'know, pandemic, and I was feeling trapped and burnt out and indecisive and afraid, etc. and if you read it, you might see me staring at you through Anthony, wink wink. (Quick caveat that, unlike Anthony, living with my parents was an overall loving experience at that point in my life!)

Anyway, in true Hemingway spirit, I wrote drunk, and when I went to edit sober, I was delighted that it didn't need much help. I obsessed over details, like changing scotch to whisky and then to brandy (it's sweeter, and he's so young). This is not to say that the epilogue is perfect; it's not, but it is what it needed to be.

It is a love poem of a kind for a character that hit me hard. It's a short prose poem about grief and loneliness and the 'wrong' ways to heal and it's about thinking you're at the acceptance stage of grief but really it's just depression. It's about losing parts of yourself and coming of age into something that doesn't feel right but feels inevitable, and so you stop fighting and just get on with it. It's about the before, and Anthony not knowing that he has an after and eventually, yes, years later eventually, he's going to be okay. More than okay, he's going to be happy.

(And he only has a year until Doing The Voices, and I let him be happy for at least a few nights in that! He doesn't know that he's doing the right things when taking care of his family. Not always, but more than he knows he is.)

As for me, I moved out of my parents' house and into my own newly purchased 'bachelor lodgings' (so to speak) about a month after I posted the last chapter, and I'm writing more than I have in years! Baby steps! Adult steps!

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk/therapy session. Probably no one should ask me anything else for a while lmao, who knows what will happen!

Read The Bustle in a House on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47126467

Or if you don't feel like being sad, read Doing The Voices instead: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47976274

[bookwyrminspiration]

hello my lovely loveliest dearest favorite quil <333 I have finally actually returned with a slight rebrand and many tales to tell.

How are you bestie!!! I missed you So SO much and it's literally so rude that I can't send you all of the things that make me think of you. Like I swear my partner is gonna be jealous at this point because I'm literally like omg I literally need to show this to quil. It is a necessity. (If you're wondering it was a hoodie that had the classic university logo and said Silly Goose University and I decided that we needed them to match with our friendship bracelets.)

Anyway I am eyeing your new writing up very very closely and am itching to go to Ao3 and read ALL of it. (The urge is quite strong now that I have started Thinking about it, however this ask is taking long enough bc I have to take Wiggle™ breaks because holy bestie I am SO happy to talk to you once again.)

Speaking of your writing I was struck with the most incredible fantastic amazing art idea after looking at some of my old wings AU doodles. However, my drawing tablet went through the shredder (<- Puppy) I have to WAIT. To give the full idea justice but trust me bestie I'm so excited to show it to you.

Anyway I've been extra ramble-y but HI HOW ARE YOU I MISSED YOU WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

I'd love all of your thoughts and feelings and I miss you and ily and I'm so happy like I kid you not this ask has taken. So much effort because I cannot sit still writing this to you. I have. The Dumbest Smile on my face. <3333333

(Please note that this ask is meant to be read as if I am laying on your bed kicking my feet in the air while excitedly talking, thank you 😌)

TOBI!!!! I was just thinking about you the other day!! My dad and I were watching Labyrinth for the first time in a while, and when I realized the baby's name was Toby (i'd forgotten) I just went...ah..Tobi...I hope he's doing well...

I'm doing alright! I've been very busy this semester, and we are approaching finals so it's probably only going to get busier soon. But! This has been my first semester mostly in person in a very long time! And I'm officially fully in uni rather than dual credit, so I'm somewhere else now and have met SO many people. Actually am planning to meet up with one of them tomorrow to go to a restaurant/museum for class! And to watch a few movies with two others sometime soon.

lots of reflections on that because relationships of all kinds have been. rather difficult my whole life, so we'll see what happens here! also would 100% wear some silly goose university hoodies with you <3. move aside tobi's partner I need to glue BOTH of his hands to mine. forever

Also!! If you read my fics I'll love you forever and ever and ever even more. This new titz one has been sitting for several months, but I finally pulled it back out! And I am rather nervous about it because Fitz and Tam are both particular characters, and so combining them just makes them even harder to write. and THEN! throwing in Fitz's Alvar feelings makes that EVEN MORE difficult. but! it was also an absolute delight to work on so I hope you like it :)

and holy shit wings au art!!! i trust you so much I am so excited to see it--and don't worry about however long it takes! wings au is years in the writing, i've got experience with patience. wait btw, I don't know if you're aware, but I'm attempting to post the epilogue soon! I have the rough draft and the anniversary is coming up, so I'm hoping to have it edited to post on the ending's anniversary. it's a little over a week away, but also finals are descending AND its nano, so we'll see what happens. it WILL be out by the end of the year for certain though (and during october I went through and re-edited the whole thing for grammar and details--it's ridiculous how many its it's mistakes there were because i KNEW the difference. i'd just autopilot do one or the other and not catch it in my quick edits)

I keep pausing to do little claps and stim because. tobi!!! it's so so cruel we can't lay in bed kicking our feet together, i have missed you so so so much! what has been up with YOU? how has your life been? what's up with the blog migration--if you want to talk about it. also totally cool to simply accept it and move on. i just like talking to you and it's very nice to see you again :)