#this has been me all afternoon
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#madge edits#ghost#the band ghost#ghost band#ghost bc#rite here rite now#the future is a foreign land#shitghosting#this has been me all afternoon#it's such a comforting song
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i lied i had like atleast one more weston thought to expell from my brain, before i miss this boat entirely. we're heading to green lands woooo
#god i had a fever this entire morning and afternoon so I think it was my inability to do anything that finally pushed me to finish this#seriously it took a month... disapointing#more disappointing is that i didn't have the time to tear up the internet in order to find what a professors break room looked like in 1899#if there was such a thing#really tragic#ah yea welp im very glad it's out there atleast. I want to release all of my black butler stuff so badly but guh...#tragedy has struck and i have been inspired to finally make a person project of my own#so that's taking a long time#but not to worry after like 5 years and some pondering i know well that black butler will always be one half of my brain#coooool#anyway i got more dorky stuff coming I hope??? wasn't lying before I am thinking of the midfords#and ill pray i can find the strength to get everything done soon#hope my rants are more tasteful after months of absence if ur still here#kuroshitsuji#black butler#kuroshitsuji fanart#fanart#sebastian michaelis#digital art#animation#animatic#video#weston college arc#black butler anime#black butler agares
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Why fight people when your time can be better spent bantering?
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#karlach#astarion#art#illustration#baldur's gate art#baldur's gate fanart#bg3 art#bg3 fanart#my art#fanart#karlach cliffgate#astarion ancunin#hellspawn#karlach x astarion#astarion x karlach#(not that this is specifically romantic. totally can be platonic or queerplatonic if you want it to be. for me it is all three at once)#haven't made art for myself for a while (or non-vector art for that matter) so i thought i'd do that. just a nice lil' afternoon sketch ses#and of course i had to draw these two. my beloveds.#i've been constantly doodling them in my sketchbook so this art honestly was inevitable#i'm still trying to improve my anatomy beyond faces but i think i did rather good :)#karlach having the everburn blade is inspired by my current karlach origin playthrough where she has it. and is of course courting astarion#i couldn't think of any dialogue for them but know that they're giving each other compliments#i ended up really loving how the lineart looked by itself so you get both that version and the colour one
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playing around in the holonet community and had my actress girl mention auditioning for the role of "sith heartbreaker" darth maul in a tragicomedy loosely inspired by the siege of naboo. and now I'm thinking how fun it would be. I don't know enough plays (or even movies) to base this on anything but it could be so funny to have a shitty political period piece style play set in the siege of naboo. maul as a womanizer villain mastermind. the queen of naboo aged up to be romanceable. she dies in the final act. trade corporation slapstick comedy during the interludes. instead of being cut in two maul dies by being shot to death by the entire cast of good guys
#hm i should make an original post tag#maul#the idea of play maul being shot to death by the rest of the cast has been in my head all afternoon#it's so silly and stupid#like#the jedi manages to kick away his staff and instead of striking him with their lightsaber they pull out a blaster and shoot him#and everyone around (because of course there is an audience. this is the grand final duel) does the same#that would be so so so so funny. to me.
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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bites him bites him bites him
#oscar isaac#hands? necklace? the scruff? the hair?#this shoot has done me in#ive been empty-headed with lust all afternoon#god i wanna eat him#in a very sexy way
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I do think a good chunk of the 'cringey atheist' stereotype did come from the fact that, especially americans, regardless of their actual religious status are just casually christian and refer to things through a religious filter and that isn't seen for how overwhelming/obnoxious/frustrating it is. Its absense, such as when writing a story and things like "oh god" or other casual references are remove or replaced, is seen as notable the same way people find the cast being all women or queer being 'abnormal'.
And I think more people, especially here on tumblr, should take a moment from ragging on some kid being "cringey" saying god doesn't exist or making atheist jump around like dancing monkeys to establish they're one of the good respectful ones before they ever even begin to talk about their own thoughts, and examine why so much content just inserts god into a conversation that had nothing to do with religion like it's the expected norm, the same way they examine the invasiveness of casual heteronormativity.
#this is just cause an ex christian youtuber i otherwise like refers to any extreme emotional experience as a 'religious experience'#as if everyone can agree on it being so#and theres more than a few posts on here that make me wonder why#so many people are incapable of making something 'poetic' or 'great' without invoking religious imagery#even where it had no relevance#atheism#anyways#ive seen uncomfortably similar treatment that aces in particular have received for pointing out amatonormativity in a post#its rare these days though because atheists have long since been thuroughly shamed in american society as being edgy#which like wooow a christian nation that shames every other religion in some way found a way to shame nonreligious too? shocking#actually i get kinda annoyed when i think about it its one of those propaganda that people casually buy into#without examining it at all#youll see atheists acting like dancing monkeys trying to establish theyre not cringe guys its okay#just to talk about how they feel and think#i remember being a young adult and when someone started talking to me with the assumption of god being in the picture#and id get an eye roll like i was being childish not going along with it nevermind they inserted god into the convo in the first place#without question or comment#and i know it wasnt forceful the same way some ex religious folks can get a bit zealous the same way they were about religion#which theres something to eb said for that zealousness being acceptable when christian but not when atheist or another religion#but ive never gone through such a phase my family has been atheist for several generations now and we were taught to respect beliefs#anyways sorry idk why this is on my brain this afternoon i think i saw a post or smth and it reminded me of that youtuber
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Following options:.
- one of my neighbors got really into marches and/or got their own drum set and has been practicing the same rhythm for hours on end the last few days
- something in the walls, mayhaps heating pipes or suchlike, makes noise that can be mistaken for very very faint drum rhythms just at the edge of your hearing
- having new and exciting kinds of Tinnitus that inexplicably go away when you put in ear plugs
- have been hallucinating very very faint marching drum rhythms for 2 days, either an effect of me spending the last 7 days in bed or am finally going completely off the rails
Nevertheless I have been hearing it since 5 pm and am just about on the verge of screaming
#vladi speaks#its really really faint like that point at the edge of your hearing where you're really not sure you're hearing it at all. and I'm not#entirely sure its drums either but i THINK its the classical military marching rythm#you know. short drum roll dam dam dam dam. on a snare drum. and sometimes it stops and i can't hear it in my bathroom or as soon as i leave#the house/go through the apartment door or if i plug my ears but MAN has it been driving me CRAZY!!!!!!!!!#like no joke I've been hearing it near constantly from around late afternoon to WELL PAST MIDNIGHT for the last few days WHAT IS ITTTTTTTTT#I WANT IT TO STOP!!!!!!
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#so one half of the couple i'm house/dogsitting for had an unexpected medical emergency on their trip#which -- i won't go into details but it culminated in a pretty serious diagnosis and emergency major surgery#and now they're coming home today after getting medevac transport back to california#and have asked me to stay here for a few more days while they settle in#as the one who had the emergency needs 24/7 care during recovery but is being released from hospital to recover at home#and they need someone to basically keep looking after the dog/keep her from getting in the way while they figure out what care he needs#anyway i agreed to stay a few days like they asked#which means i'm trying to finish my coursework before they get back later this afternoon but man my focus levels are LOW#and honestly they have been for several days at this point because once again it seems that waiting to hear about medical stuff has become#somewhat of a panic response trigger for me since the extended nightmare of february this year with my dad#and mostly i've been able to compartmentalize but the energy that takes has truly wiped me out#to the point that i'm genuinely shocked it hasn't set off a fibro flare up (touch wood)#also i really don't know this couple very well at all -- they're mostly friends of my parents-in-law#i've looked after their dog for them several times over the past couple of years#but obviously that's been while they aren't home#and i've only had fairly brief interactions with them#so i do feel a bit awkward about being here while they're going through something so serious and personal#but they're nice people and they need the help and i'm able to provide it so i'm gonna push past that#anyway just a tag post venting thing
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mood today is feeling deeply inadequate and always the forgotten person yay!!!
#spent my entire afternoon unable to focus and waiting till i can go home and cry it all out love this for me#the imposter syndrome has been kicking me extra hard lately#but then the sucker punch of being in a room of people and them all talking about something and you have no idea because you were forgotten#yeeeeah today's not fun
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I may not speak Deutsch. HOWEVER, the random gods of the internet have graced me with Mozart das musical so...
*seeks the musical on YouTube*
WAIT THE FRENCH MADE ANOTHER ONE? ROCK????? DUDE SAID FUCK THE HIERARCHY?????
Ahem anyway:
Mozart, das musical
Mozart, l'opera rock (eng sub)
#steel rambles#if i had a nickel for all the times i randomly discovered a musical about mozart in a language i don't understand I'd have two nickels#which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice#and in the same afternoon#oh and the songs are absolute bangers alright damn this is further incentive for me to learn both these languages#also yeah no the french one is another musical#the Deutsch one has been adapted in other languages tho...#which sound good oooooh#I HAVE 2 NEW MUSICALS TO OBSESS OVER WUHUUUU#and the different adaptations#WUHUUUU#mozart das musical#mozart l'opera rock#musicals
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Recent images I suppose ~
#First one is THE LONG series of GEESE that fly by!!! my aforementioned friends... Or I think I referenced them in tags of some post#days ago. and how I love watching them. See how many there are? And multiple of these will go by. It's like hundreds of them.#Then just the sky because I love the sky. My hair looking ridiculous as it always does when I brush it out of the four big braids I always#keep it in to keep it out of the way lol. I just find it silly how small it can be all braided up and then as soon as it is Released and#combed then it poofs into some sort of swamp dwelling wizard style.#Then... a daily word count... have been so busy the past week that I sadly haven't written much but I'm WORKING on it. Still on the blasted#'odd jobs' tasks sections which were SUPPOSED to be very quick and short. but.. alas.. Though I am on basically the last one. You go work#for one of the enchanting specialists in the city (very important in society since a majority of people cannot do that type of magic) and#basically he just works so much he has no time for a social life so he hires random people to sit with him in the afternoons doing menial#tasks. You show up thinking you'll help with some Important Job or something but hes just like 'no... peel this apple for me.. :)' lol#Edit note: arrgh just had to fish a slippery avocado pit out of a narrow garbage disposal drain with a chopstick. felt like some#sort of taskmaster challenge or something.. gods... I know some people just reach into them. I guess maybe#my hand would fit?? but... erm... scary. what about Sharp Things in there or something.. also Sludge of some sort perhaps.#ANWYAY.. interruption... I got up to go to the kitchen in the middle of typing my tags... lol..#Next image is SLEEPING boye.. And then PIGEONS!!!!!!!!!! my beloveds...#Oh then the giant evil hole in my bathroom ceiling which is STILL not fixed and the repair people still have to come back again.. BUT they#did have this terrible industrial dehumidifier thing they put in the bathroom and just left here for like 5 days and it was like a noisy#hairdryer going at all times and raised the heat in the bathroom from 65F to 76F in like two hours so.. I'm glad at least at their#last arrival they've finally taken it away.... the Noise Beast... silence in my house at last...#though I am still plagued by Mysterious Hole.. the plastic wrap rustles sometimes when I'm in there.... go away...#Ah. Then a delightful little lemon poppyseed muffin someone didn't want and then gave to me. Which was interesting since I haven't#had one in soooo long even though its like a very Classic Flavor.. I do quite like them though now that I've had one again. :0c#Lastly.. mushrooms. I think it's the mushroom season here. Everywhere you go outside there's some new manner of fungus#having popped up from nowhere. I like the variety of all their little shapes. These in particular have an interesting wispy curled layers#sort of look to them. Almost like a shaggy hairstyle that's curled up at the ends or something. They seem neat to draw perhaps.#Okay.. that is all.. I still have literally like 2 costumes and 12 outfits and I think 1 sculpture? to post.. but I am so busy this is#what I can manage for now I suppose lol... quick pictures that don't really take any sorting or cropping or editing lol#photo diary
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I'm not saying I'm always succeeding at it, but I think that while I'm not one from a geopolitical point of view, I could call myself an interpersonal pacifist?
#that or I'm just cowardly#but like — I think I *might* even have been a real pacifist if I wasn't born in a country that gets periodically steamrolled by dictators#or faramir could convince me I guess#anyway I forget myself all the time but in theory I am#I've been theorising a lot to my mother this afternoon which is why you get posts like these#therese has opinions
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Lads I'm reaching that point of house-sitting where I'm over it and there's still half a week left
#nat chat#all dreams of starting the day with a nice warm breakfast are out the window#because I spent the first hour of every morning feeding chickens and cats#and by that time am so hungry that i don't want to wait for my meal to cook#and the humidity has been in the 80% range all week#so i wake up and immediately go outside and get sweaty and gross#and last year I told my parents 5-6 days is really better for me because by day 7 i'm having a breakdown#but they just totally forgot that by the time buying tickets rolled around and didn't bother to ask me beforehand#so this is actually worse than last year because it's 7 days AND they're coming home in the afternoon instead of the morning
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girl help how do I tell my friend from hs I don't wanna hang out w him
#we're supposed to hang out in like an hour but idek what we're doing#we get along great over text but he's very awkward irl lmao#also he's like. almost definitely into me and has been for years and I am totally not at all#I can't think of things to do but I do nawt wanna give him the wrong idea about what's happening here#ugh I think ill just find a place to grab some lunch and go to the arcade??#idek bro#hes not 21 so it's not like we can just find a happy hour somewhere lol#also there's literally nothing open on a Monday afternoon here#all I can think of is either arcade or golfing lol#heckin rants
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lmao g'day to u too brennan
#astro watches#p4a#he was like. for any international viewers. gday crikey to you. i assume ur austrlian#and hes not wrong. it is the afternoon here lmfao#have been vaguely watchign all day. but i dont want to watch them eat weird bananas.#the ritalin has given me the side affect of nausea so watchign ppl eat or even talk abt food atm sets me off#rip :/ but im glad i got to see u lol. and i bought a frog picture as well :) so its been a nice time#the world is Such a fkn devastating state rn - smth i was talking with my mum abt in detail yesterday#but theres always ppl who care and do things abt it. like all the mardi gras stuff. adn the p4a. and just yeah <3#humans are good i do belive it. its just yeah anyways
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