#this had 22.2k likes.

[apricusapollo]

imma let god fix it. because if I fix it, I'm going to jail.

[mcrdvcks]

i love you, in every time ࿐‧₊ 1854 - could it be love?

chapter summary: You meet Logan, a young man who is briefly stopping by in New York City. Despite both of your better judgments, you quickly realize that perhaps there's nothing wrong with falling in love.

word count: 22.2k+

pairing: Logan Howlett x fem!reader

notes: ahh!! welcome to this new series! i'm very excited to start this journey with all of y'all! just a note, when i say 'character death(s)' in the warnings it means that reader is going to die at the end of every chapter. that's the entire premise of this series, which was inspired by the 11th doctor and clara (iykyk). but first, we have a lot of time to cover before we even reach the first x-men movie so strap in!

i also didn't mean for this to be as long as it is, oops

warnings/tags: fluff, angst, outdated mindsets on women, slow burn, illness, character deaths

series masterlist → chapter 2

You didn’t necessarily love your job, but it was better than other options available for you. You grumbled to yourself as you walked down the sidewalk of New York City, horses neighing and wheels rattling on the brick street.

The bonnet on your head protected you from the sun beating down, keeping you from further heat in your dress. You had many things to do while you were out, get the children some new clothes and toys, buy some groceries, and buy some extra cloth for when you eventually had to sew their clothing.

As you passed by a small shop, you paused, peering in through the window. A few wooden toys sat on the shelf inside, simple and sturdy. Perfect for the boys. You pushed the door open, a little bell jingling as you entered, and you made your way toward the display.

"Can I help you, miss?" The shopkeeper’s voice startled you, but you smiled politely.

"Just looking for some toys," you replied, eyes scanning the shelves.

As you picked up a carved wooden horse, the door opened again behind you, letting in a bit of fresh air and a man’s heavy footsteps. You didn’t pay it much mind until you felt a presence nearby, a little too close for comfort. You turned slightly, catching sight of a tall man with dark hair and an unshaven face, dressed in a rough shirt and worn pants, a bit out of place among the polished streets of the city.

He glanced your way, his sharp eyes catching yours for a brief moment before he looked back to the shelves.

Something about him felt different—dangerous, but not in the way that made you want to run. More like it pulled you in, made you curious.

You turned back to the toys, but your mind kept wandering back to the stranger standing nearby. You couldn’t help but glance his way again.

"Those are good for little ones," the man said, his voice rough but casual. He nodded at the toy horse in your hand. "They hold up well. Tougher than they look."

You raised an eyebrow, surprised by his sudden comment. "You have experience with them?"

His lips twitched, almost a smile. "A bit. Used to make ‘em myself."

You looked him over more closely now, intrigued. "You don’t seem like the toy-making type."

His eyes flicked to yours, something amused in the way he looked at you. "Not anymore," he said, then turned his attention back to the shelves.

There was a silence between you for a moment, but it didn’t feel awkward. If anything, it felt like he didn’t mind you being there, like he was used to people drifting in and out of his space.

You finally spoke again. "I suppose these are sturdy enough for two boys, then."

"Yeah. They’ll survive a beating."

You laughed, the sound surprising you. He gave you another look, a bit more interested this time. There was something about him that made you feel seen in a way that was different from how most men looked at you.

You gathered a few more toys, careful not to spend too much, but you couldn’t resist getting something extra for the little girl you looked after. She was sweet, and it wasn’t her fault she was stuck in such a strict household.

The stranger watched you with those sharp eyes, like he could see more than what was right in front of him. You wondered what his story was, but you weren’t about to ask.

As you headed to the counter, he followed, though he didn’t buy anything. The shopkeeper took your coins, and you gathered your parcels, still feeling the man’s presence behind you.

"Thanks for the advice," you said over your shoulder, more as a courtesy than anything else.

He nodded, a slight smirk playing on his lips. "Anytime."

With that, you left the shop, stepping back into the sunlight, the weight of your errands still on your shoulders. But as you walked away, you couldn’t help but feel like something had shifted. Like maybe that wasn’t the last time you’d see him.

---

Edwin and Phillip seemed to enjoy the toy you got them, already fighting over who gets to play with it first. They were the eldest, Edwin was 9, Phillip was 7, and Ada was 6. You handed her the toy you got for her, one she got to keep all to herself.

Ada's face lit up when you handed her the small, carved doll. She held it in her hands gently, like it was the most precious thing in the world.

"For me?" she asked, her voice soft with disbelief.

You smiled and nodded. "Just for you, Ada."

Her eyes sparkled, and she hugged the doll to her chest. "Thank you!"

Edwin and Phillip were already in the middle of their tug-of-war with the wooden horse, the two boys shouting over whose turn it was.

"I had it first!" Edwin argued, pulling the toy toward him.

"You always get it first!" Phillip shot back, his voice growing louder.

You sighed and stepped in, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. "Why don't you take turns? If you can't share, I'll have to take it away, and no one gets to play with it."

They both groaned but reluctantly agreed, setting the horse on the floor. Edwin was a bit of a handful, but he could be sweet when he wanted to be. Phillip, the quieter one, usually followed his brother’s lead. At least Ada wasn’t much trouble.

After helping Ada settle in with her new toy, you turned to check on the boys, making sure they hadn’t already forgotten your words. But as you did, your thoughts drifted back to the man in the shop. There was something about him—something that lingered in your mind even now. He didn’t fit in with the usual crowd you saw around here, but he didn’t seem bothered by that.

It was odd, though, that someone like him would be in a toy shop of all places. You tried to shake the thought away, but it kept creeping back, a sense that your brief encounter meant more than it appeared.

Later, after the children had settled down, you found yourself with a rare quiet moment. You sat by the window, staring out at the street below, watching the people passing by. The day was winding down, the sky fading into hues of orange and pink, and yet, the man’s sharp eyes lingered in your mind.

You shook your head, scolding yourself for thinking too much about a stranger. It was just a passing moment—nothing more. You had far more important things to focus on, like taking care of the children and making sure everything ran smoothly for the household. That man, whoever he was, wasn’t part of your world.

But still, something in the back of your mind whispered that you’d see him again. And the thought of it didn’t exactly bother you.

---

The next few days were a blur of your usual routine. The children kept you busy, and you barely had a moment to yourself. But even as you went through the motions of your daily life, you couldn't help but feel that sense of something—or someone—waiting.

It was on a brisk afternoon, a few days after your encounter at the shop, when you found yourself running errands again. The streets were busier than usual, with carriages clattering over the cobblestones and people bustling past in a hurry. You had a long list of things to pick up, and the thought of weaving through the crowded market already had you dreading the trip.

As you made your way through the streets, you spotted a familiar figure standing at the corner near a fruit stand. The man from the shop. He hadn’t seen you yet, but something about the way he stood, slightly apart from the rest of the crowd, watching the passersby with a quiet intensity, made you pause.

You debated for a moment. Should you approach him? Or would it seem too forward?

Before you could decide, his gaze lifted, and he spotted you. His eyes narrowed, a flicker of recognition passing over his features, but he didn’t move. He just stood there, watching you.

You took a deep breath and made your way over, your curiosity getting the better of you.

"Fancy seeing you here again," you said, trying to sound casual as you approached.

"Didn’t expect to run into you either," he replied, his voice still rough, but there was a hint of something in his tone. Amusement? Interest? You couldn’t quite place it.

"I was just running errands," you said, gesturing to the market behind you. "You know how it is."

He nodded, his eyes flicking over you for a moment before landing back on the crowd. "Yeah, I get it."

There was a beat of silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, it almost felt... familiar. Like talking to him wasn’t so strange after all.

"Are you from around here?" you asked, breaking the silence.

He shook his head. "Not really. Just passing through."

"Do you always pass through toy shops when you're in town?"

His lips quirked into that almost-smile again. "Only when I feel like it."

You couldn’t help but chuckle. "Mysterious, aren’t you?"

He shrugged, not giving much away. "Maybe."

You were about to ask him something else when a shout came from behind you. You turned to see one of the street vendors, an older man, calling out angrily at a young boy who had clearly tried to swipe an apple from his cart.

Before you could even react, the man next to you stepped forward. His movements were quick and fluid, like he was used to handling situations like this. He reached the boy before the vendor could get too close, gripping the kid by the collar.

"Hey," the man said, his voice low but firm. "That’s not how you do things."

The boy froze, wide-eyed, clearly not expecting to be caught so quickly.

"Put it back," the man ordered.

The boy, trembling slightly, dropped the apple back onto the cart. "I’m sorry!" he blurted out before scurrying off into the crowd.

You watched as the man exchanged a few words with the vendor, calming him down before he turned back to you, his expression unreadable.

"You didn’t have to do that," you said, surprised by how quickly he had handled the situation.

He shrugged again. "The kid’ll learn his lesson. Better this way than the other options."

You looked at him, a little more curious now. He wasn’t just some rough-around-the-edges stranger. There was something deeper to him, something that made you want to know more.

“I don’t think I caught your name the other day,” you settled on, meeting his eyes as the energy of the crowd buzzed around you both.

He gave a small nod, like he was considering whether to answer or not. "Logan," he said simply.

"Logan," you repeated, trying the name on your tongue. It suited him, rough around the edges but solid. "I’m Y/N."

His gaze lingered on you for a moment longer before he gave another slight nod, acknowledging it. The silence between you wasn’t heavy, but it felt like something unspoken passed through the space. Something that told you he wasn’t just another passerby in your life.

"Thanks for helping that kid back there," you said, breaking the quiet. "Not everyone would step in like that."

Logan shrugged like it was nothing, his eyes scanning the crowd again. "Not a big deal."

You tilted your head slightly, studying him. "You do that a lot? Play the hero?"

A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, barely there, but it was enough. "No. Just don't like seeing people get hurt when I can do something about it."

There was a gruffness to his words, but it didn’t feel forced. It felt real. And it was clear that he wasn’t the type to go around explaining himself to anyone. You liked that.

"Well, either way, it was good of you." You glanced down at the parcels in your arms, suddenly remembering the rest of your errands. "I should probably get going, before I’m late getting back."

Logan gave you a small nod, his eyes flicking down to your parcels. "You take care."

You hesitated, a part of you not wanting to walk away just yet. But what could you say? You didn’t know this man, not really, and yet you felt drawn to him in a way that was hard to explain. Maybe it was the way he carried himself, like he had been through more than he let on. Or maybe it was the quiet strength in him that made you feel oddly safe.

"Maybe I’ll see you around?" you offered, not wanting to make the goodbye feel so final.

Logan’s eyes met yours again, and for a moment, there was something softer in his gaze. "Yeah. Maybe."

With that, you gave him a small smile and turned to leave, weaving your way through the bustling street. As you walked, you couldn’t help but glance back once, just to see if he was still there. He was, standing where you left him, watching you go.

---

The following days fell back into your usual routine—taking care of the children, running errands, keeping the household in order. Yet, no matter how busy you were, your thoughts kept drifting back to Logan. Something about him lingered in your mind, and it wasn’t just because he had helped out that kid. There was something deeper, something you couldn’t quite shake.

You found yourself wondering if he really was just passing through, or if there was more to his story than he was letting on. You didn’t know why it mattered so much, but it did.

One afternoon, as you were helping Ada tie the ribbon on her new dress, she looked up at you with her big, curious eyes.

"Y/N, are you thinking about something?" she asked innocently.

You blinked, surprised. "Why do you ask?"

"Because you’re smiling," she said, her voice soft and sweet.

You hadn’t even realized. "Oh," you said, chuckling softly. "I guess I was just lost in thought."

Ada giggled, her small hands playing with the ribbon you had just tied. "You think about a lot of things."

"That’s because I have to keep track of all you rascals," you teased, tickling her side gently.

She squealed in delight, wriggling away from you, and you couldn’t help but laugh. But as you settled back into the moment, that same thought returned, uninvited. Logan. Would you see him again?

---

It wasn’t long before the answer came.

You were out in the market again, picking up some fresh bread for dinner. The smell of the bakery wafted through the air, warm and comforting. You had just handed over your coins to the baker when you felt that familiar presence—something just outside the edge of your awareness, like a shadow that suddenly moved.

Turning slightly, your eyes caught sight of Logan standing near a fruit cart, his hands in his pockets, watching you. It wasn’t a surprise this time, but your heart still gave a little flutter at the sight of him. You made your way over, the crowd parting as you walked.

"Logan," you greeted, a smile pulling at your lips before you could stop it.

"Y/N," he replied, nodding in acknowledgment. His expression didn’t change much, but there was something almost... pleased in his eyes. Like he had expected you to come over.

"Still passing through?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

He glanced around the busy street before answering. "Seems like I’ve been here longer than I planned."

"Any reason for that?" you asked, half-joking but also genuinely curious.

Logan looked at you for a long moment, like he was debating how much to say. Finally, he shrugged. "No reason."

You didn’t believe him for a second, but you let it go. Instead, you gestured to the bread in your basket. "If you’re still around tomorrow, you should come by the park. I take the children there sometimes in the afternoons. It’s quieter than here."

Logan’s eyes flicked to yours, considering. "Maybe I will."

You nodded, feeling a strange sense of satisfaction from his answer. It was small, but it was something.

"Well," you said, shifting the basket on your arm. "I should get back before the boys tear the house down."

Logan smirked at that, and you felt a warmth spread through you at the sight of it. He wasn’t a man who smiled easily, but when he did, it felt like a reward.

"Take care," he said, his voice low and steady, and you couldn’t help but notice how those words made you feel safe in a way you hadn’t expected.

As you walked away, the warmth of his gaze stayed with you, lingering long after you’d turned the corner.

---

The next day, you found yourself at the park, just as you had promised. Edwin and Phillip were racing around, laughing as they chased each other, while Ada sat quietly by your side, her doll clutched in her hands.

You tried not to look around for Logan, but you couldn’t help it. Every time someone passed by, your heart gave a little jump, only to settle back down when you realized it wasn’t him.

Just as you were beginning to think he wouldn’t show, you heard the sound of heavy footsteps approaching. You didn’t need to look up to know who it was.

"Mind if I join you?" Logan’s voice was calm, but there was something in it that made you smile.

You glanced up, meeting his eyes. "Not at all."

Logan gave a nod, lowering himself onto the bench beside you. He stretched his long legs out, looking completely at ease. The sounds of the children’s laughter filled the air, and for a moment, you just sat in companionable silence.

“Boys giving you trouble?” he asked, his voice low and gravelly.

“They always do,” you replied, watching as Edwin tackled Phillip to the ground. “But I think they’d explode if they didn’t.”

Logan’s lips twitched at that—almost a smile. “Kids’ll do that. Got too much energy.”

You tilted your head, studying him out of the corner of your eye. “You got siblings?”

Logan paused for a second, like the question had caught him off guard. “Yeah. A brother.”

You didn’t press, sensing there was more to the story but knowing better than to pry. Instead, you turned your attention back to the children.

“Do you have any?” Logan asked, nodding toward the boys.

“No,” you said, shaking your head. “I look after them for the family I work for. They keep me busy, though. Might as well be mine.”

He gave a soft grunt of acknowledgment, resting his elbows on his knees.

“And her?” Logan nodded toward Ada, who sat a little apart from the boys, her doll tucked protectively in her arms.

“That’s Ada,” you said, smiling softly. “She’s the quiet one. A little sweet thing, really.”

“She’s got good taste,” Logan remarked, glancing at the doll in her hands.

You chuckled. “That was the least I could do for her. Life’s not exactly fun in that house.”

Logan’s gaze flicked toward you, something unreadable in his expression. “It never is.”

You frowned, catching the weight behind his words, but before you could ask what he meant, Ada wandered over to you. She gave Logan a curious glance but stayed close by your side.

“Who’s he?” Ada whispered, gripping your sleeve.

You smiled. “This is Logan. He’s a friend.”

Logan gave her a small nod, and Ada, ever cautious, just stared at him with wide eyes. After a beat, she leaned in close to you and whispered, “He looks like a bear.”

You tried—really tried—not to laugh, but it slipped out anyway. Logan gave a low chuckle of his own, shaking his head slightly.

“Smart kid,” he murmured.

Ada, encouraged by your laughter, gave a shy smile. Then she wandered back toward the boys, apparently satisfied with Logan’s presence.

“She’s got you figured out,” you teased, grinning.

Logan’s expression softened just a bit, and he gave a small shrug. “Kids see things plain.”

You leaned back on the bench, letting yourself relax. It was strange, how easy it felt to be around him. You didn’t know much about him—hardly anything, really—but something about Logan made you feel like you didn’t need to fill the silence with useless conversation.

“Do you ever stop moving?” you asked suddenly, curious. “You said you were just passing through, but it seems like you’ve stayed a bit longer.”

Logan didn’t answer right away. He stared out at the park, his expression thoughtful.

“Sometimes,” he said finally. “Not often, though.”

“That sounds lonely.”

His jaw twitched slightly, and he turned his head to look at you. “You get used to it.”

You held his gaze for a moment, sensing that there was more beneath the surface than he was letting on. But instead of prying, you just nodded, accepting his words for what they were.

“Well, if you ever feel like staying in one place for a bit, you know where to find me,” you said lightly.

Logan’s eyes flickered with something—something you couldn’t quite name—but he gave a small nod, like he was filing that thought away.

“Appreciate it,” he murmured.

Before you could say more, Edwin and Phillip came barreling toward you, out of breath and covered in dirt.

“Y/N! Y/N!” Edwin shouted. “Phillip said he could run faster than me, but I totally won!”

Phillip scowled, wiping mud off his cheek. “Only because you pushed me.”

“You pushed him?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at Edwin.

Edwin squirmed. “Not that hard.”

Logan snorted quietly, drawing both boys’ attention. They looked at him with wide, curious eyes.

“Who’s that?” Edwin whispered loudly, leaning closer to you.

“That’s Logan,” you said. “He’s a friend.”

Edwin tilted his head, squinting up at Logan. “You look tough.”

Logan’s lips twitched. “I get that a lot.”

“Can you fight?” Edwin asked eagerly, his eyes lighting up. “Like—like really fight?”

“Edwin!” you scolded, but Logan just gave a small chuckle.

“Yeah,” Logan said. “A bit.”

“Whoa!” Edwin’s jaw dropped, clearly impressed. Phillip, more cautious, stayed quiet but kept his eyes on Logan like he was trying to figure him out.

“Alright, enough of that,” you said, gently ushering the boys away. “Go play before I make you help with dinner.”

Edwin groaned but dragged Phillip along, the two of them running back toward the trees.

You glanced at Logan, shaking your head. “You’ve got yourself some new fans, it seems.”

Logan huffed softly. “Kids are alright.”

There was a pause, and then you asked quietly, “You really do keep moving, don’t you?”

Logan looked at you, his expression serious. “Yeah.”

You bit your lip, unsure of what to say. There was something in his eyes that told you he’d seen more than most—more than you could probably imagine.

“Well,” you said softly, “if you ever get tired of running, you know where to find me.”

Logan held your gaze for a long moment, his eyes searching yours. Then, with the barest hint of a smile, he nodded.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

---

You saw Logan more often than not. Truth be told, you enjoyed his presence. He was different than the other men you had met, not as harsh, didn’t look down on you, or see you as an object.

One day, while walking around the market with a small basket, filled with a few apples and some bread, you looked at a carriage, rolling along the brick road with a horse in front.

“I never learned how to ride a horse,” you said, glancing at the carriage as it rolled along the cobblestone street. The words came out before you even knew why you said them, maybe just filling the space between you and Logan.

Logan, walking beside you, gave you a sidelong glance. The faintest trace of a smirk played at the corner of his mouth. “That right?”

You shrugged, shifting the basket in your hand. “Never had a reason to, I suppose. And it’s not exactly something you pick up living in the city.”

He made a low noise in his throat that could have been agreement. For a moment, the two of you walked in companionable silence, the sounds of the market buzzing around you—vendors calling out, the clip-clop of hooves, the soft rustle of autumn leaves underfoot.

“Wouldn’t take much to learn,” Logan said finally, his voice easy. “Reckon you’d be good at it.”

You shot him a skeptical glance. “How would you know?”

Logan gave a lazy shrug. “Just a guess.”

There was something in his tone, though—something soft and amused that made your cheeks warm. You glanced away, pretending to be very interested in a stall selling ribbons, though your attention kept drifting back to Logan.

“You know how to ride, then?” you asked after a moment, keeping your tone casual.

He nodded. “Yeah. Picked it up when I was a kid.”

You raised an eyebrow, curious despite yourself. “Where’d you grow up?”

“Here and there,” he answered vaguely, though not unkindly. You got the sense that there was a lot more to the story—things he wasn’t ready to share. And maybe things you weren’t quite ready to ask about. Not yet, anyway.

“Would you teach me?” you asked on impulse, surprising even yourself.

Logan glanced over, one brow raised, and for a moment, you thought he might laugh. But he didn’t. Instead, he gave a small nod, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Sure,” he said simply.

A smile tugged at your lips before you could stop it.

“When?” you pressed, feeling strangely excited by the idea.

Logan thought for a moment, his gaze drifting toward the road ahead. “Next Sunday,” he decided. “There’s a place just outside the city. I know a guy who’s got a couple of good horses.”

You felt a flicker of doubt—after all, you had responsibilities, and it wasn’t as though you could just abandon the children for the day. But Logan must have noticed your hesitation because he gave you a reassuring look.

“Bring the kids,” he offered. “They can run wild while you learn.”

That made you laugh softly. “You really think I can keep up with them and learn to ride a horse?”

Logan’s lips twitched. “I’ll handle the boys if they get out of hand.”

You gave him a skeptical look. “You don’t know what you’re offering.”

“I’ve handled worse,” Logan said with a grin that made your stomach do an odd little flip.

You opened your mouth to respond, but just then, a vendor called out, advertising fresh apples, and you were drawn toward the stall. Logan followed at a leisurely pace, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat.

You picked a couple of apples, inspecting them before adding them to your basket. As you handed a coin to the vendor, you glanced at Logan again.

“Next Sunday, then?” you asked, as if you still needed confirmation.

Logan gave a small nod. “Next Sunday.”

Something about the way he said it—calm and certain—made you believe it would actually happen. And for the first time in a long while, you found yourself looking forward to something.

---

The boys were already running rampant in the large field, their shouts of laughter echoing across the open space. You could see Edwin trying to race Phillip again, their legs kicking up dirt as they charged back and forth. Ada, ever the quiet one, sat nearby on a stack of hay, her doll in her lap, watching them with a little smile on her face.

You stood near the horses, feeling a flutter of nervous energy in your stomach. Logan was beside you, calm as always, holding the reins of a chestnut mare with an ease that made it all look far simpler than you knew it was. He glanced over at you, his dark eyes catching yours, and you could see the trace of a smirk tugging at his lips.

“You sure about this?” Logan asked, nodding toward the horse.

You swallowed, staring up at the mare. “Sure. How hard can it be?”

Logan gave a quiet laugh, clearly not convinced. “We’ll see.”

He held the reins steady, motioning for you to come closer. You did, taking a deep breath as you placed your hand on the saddle. The horse shifted slightly, and you jumped back a little, making Logan chuckle again.

“She’s not gonna bite,” he said, his voice low and amused.

“I know that,” you muttered, embarrassed but trying not to show it. “I just wasn’t ready.”

Logan gave a small shrug, stepping around to stand beside you. “C’mon. Foot in the stirrup. I’ll help you up.”

You hesitated for only a second before nodding. Grabbing hold of the saddle, you placed your foot in the stirrup just like he’d told you, and then you felt Logan’s hand on your waist, firm and steady. With one swift movement, he lifted you up onto the horse, and suddenly you were sitting much higher than you’d expected.

You gripped the reins tightly, your heart racing a little.

“There,” Logan said, standing back with his arms crossed. He looked up at you, giving a small nod of approval. “Not bad.”

You glanced down at him, a bit breathless. “I’m on the horse, but that doesn’t mean I can ride it.”

Logan smirked. “One step at a time, darlin’.”

He moved around to grab the reins, keeping his voice low and calm as he spoke to the mare, guiding her gently in a slow circle around the field. You held on, trying to keep yourself steady in the saddle. It wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be, but every time the horse took a step, you felt your stomach flip a little.

Logan kept walking beside you, close enough that you could hear him, though his voice was quiet. “You’re doin’ fine.”

“I feel ridiculous,” you muttered, glancing over at the boys to make sure they weren’t watching. Of course, they were, but they seemed more interested in their own games than in you wobbling around on a horse.

“You look fine,” Logan said, and there was something in his tone that made you glance at him sharply.

His eyes flickered up toward yours for just a moment, and you felt that familiar warmth in your cheeks again. You looked away quickly, trying to focus on staying upright.

“You’re just sayin’ that,” you said, trying to sound casual.

Logan chuckled. “No. If you looked ridiculous, I’d tell you.”

The confidence in his voice made you smile despite yourself. You loosened your grip on the reins just a little, letting yourself relax. The horse moved steadily beneath you, her pace slow and even, and after a few moments, you realized it wasn’t so bad after all.

“You ready to try it on your own?” Logan asked, his voice easy.

You blinked. “You think I’m ready?”

“Yeah.” He handed the reins over to you, stepping back a little. “Just keep her steady. She’s not gonna take off on you.”

You nodded, taking a deep breath and gripping the reins tightly as you urged the horse forward. She responded, moving into a gentle walk, and you felt a little thrill of pride. Logan walked beside you for a few more steps, watching, but then he stopped, folding his arms across his chest as he watched you guide the horse around the field on your own.

“You’re a natural,” he called out, a grin tugging at his lips.

You laughed softly, feeling a bit more confident now. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

As you circled back around toward him, you slowed the horse, bringing her to a stop in front of Logan. He looked up at you, his eyes warm and approving.

“Told ya,” he said. “Not so hard, is it?”

You shook your head, smiling. “Not as hard as I thought.”

Logan reached up, taking the reins from your hands. “C’mon. Let’s get you down.”

This part felt a little trickier, but Logan was there, steadying you as you swung your leg over the saddle and slid down. His hands were firm on your waist again, and for just a moment, you were standing close enough to catch the scent of leather and something else—something distinctly Logan.

“Thanks,” you said softly, looking up at him.

Logan’s eyes held yours for a long moment, something unreadable flickering in his gaze. Then he gave a small nod, stepping back.

“Anytime,” he said, his voice low.

Before you could say anything else, the boys came running over, breathless and wild from their playing. Edwin looked up at the horse, his eyes wide with excitement.

“Can I ride next?” he asked, practically bouncing on his toes.

You glanced at Logan, raising an eyebrow. “You said you’d handle them if they got out of hand, remember?”

Logan sighed, giving you a wry smile. “Yeah, I remember.”

He looked at Edwin, then nodded toward the horse. “Alright, kid. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

As Logan helped Edwin onto the horse, you stepped back, watching with a small smile. The sun was starting to dip lower in the sky, casting a golden glow over the field, and for a moment, everything felt peaceful. You glanced at Ada, who was still sitting on the haystack, her doll in her arms, watching the scene with quiet interest.

Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to let yourself enjoy moments like this.

As Logan guided Edwin around the field, you found yourself watching him more than the horse. There was something about the way he moved—strong, sure, like he belonged here, like he was more comfortable in this quiet, open space than anywhere else.

And as he turned, catching your eye for just a moment, you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, he’d found something here worth staying for.

---

“You ever think about gettin’ outta the city?” Logan asked, his voice low. “Findin’ somewhere quieter?”

You glanced at him, a little surprised by the question. “I’ve thought about it. But… I’ve got responsibilities.”

Logan nodded slowly, his eyes distant as he stared out at the horizon. “Yeah. Responsibilities.”

The way he said it made you wonder if he was thinking about something—or someone—far away. You’d learned quickly that Logan wasn’t one to talk much about his past, and though you were curious, you didn’t push.

You turned a jar of honey over in your hand, Mr. Thomas had asked you to buy them another jar while you were out. “If I didn’t have responsibilities, I’d like to live out in a cabin, away from everything else. Sometimes things here are noisy. I’d just like to… I don’t know, exist without worryin’ about anything.”

Logan, standing beside you, his hands shoved in his pockets, gave a small grunt of agreement. "Sounds nice."

You glanced at him, curious. "You ever think about it? Leaving the city behind, finding a quiet spot somewhere?"

Logan paused for a moment, his gaze distant. "Yeah. Sometimes."

The simplicity of his answer hung in the air between you, and for a second, you wondered if he'd actually let himself think about settling down. It seemed unlikely, given how much he kept moving, but there was something in the way he said it, something almost wistful.

"You don't seem like the kind of guy who stays in one place for too long," you teased, shifting the basket in your hand as you handed the vendor a coin for the honey.

Logan shrugged, a small smirk playing at his lips. "Guess not."

You both fell into a comfortable silence as you continued walking through the market. The streets bustled with people, but somehow, with Logan by your side, it all felt a little less overwhelming. You didn't have to fill the quiet with pointless chatter. He wasn’t like the others in the city—constantly rushing, looking for something to gain. He just… existed, like you wanted to.

As you passed by a small stall selling flowers, you slowed down, your eyes catching on a bouquet of wildflowers that reminded you of something you'd see out in the countryside. Logan noticed, his eyes following your gaze.

"You like those?" he asked, nodding toward the flowers.

You smiled softly. "Yeah. They remind me of… I don’t know, freedom, I guess."

Logan gave a small chuckle. "Freedom, huh?"

You shrugged, suddenly feeling a little silly. "I know it sounds strange. It’s just… being stuck in the city all the time, I don’t get to see much of the world outside these streets."

He didn’t laugh or brush it off like most people would have. Instead, Logan looked at you for a moment, his expression serious.

"Maybe one day," he said quietly, "you’ll get that cabin. Find some peace."

There was something about the way he said it that made your heart skip a beat, but before you could respond, a commotion erupted a few stalls down. Edwin and Phillip came barreling toward you, laughing and out of breath, their hands full of something they clearly weren’t supposed to have.

"Y/N!" Edwin shouted, holding up a small sack of apples. "Look what we got!"

You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms. "And how exactly did you 'get' those?"

Phillip, ever the quieter one, shifted nervously on his feet. "We didn’t steal them! Mr. Turner gave them to us after we helped him with his cart."

You glanced over to where Mr. Turner, a kind old man who often sold apples at the market, was smiling and waving in your direction.

"Alright," you said, sighing with relief. "But you’d better not be causing any trouble."

Logan chuckled under his breath, watching the boys with amusement. "They’re just having fun."

"Yeah, until someone gets hurt," you muttered, though you couldn’t help but smile at their excitement.

Edwin, noticing Logan for the first time, grinned. "Hey, Logan! You ever been in a real fight?"

Logan smirked, glancing at you before turning back to the boys. "A couple."

Edwin’s eyes lit up. "Tell us about one!"

"Edwin," you warned, shaking your head. "Logan doesn’t have time to tell you all his stories."

But Logan didn’t seem to mind. He crouched down to the boys’ level, his expression serious as he spoke in that low, gravelly voice of his.

"Alright, but just one. There was this guy… big, tough-looking fella, thought he could take me down. We were out in the middle of nowhere, no one around for miles. He comes at me with this huge stick, thinking that’ll be enough."

Edwin and Phillip leaned in, wide-eyed, hanging on every word.

"So, what happened?" Edwin asked, barely able to contain himself.

Logan’s smirk deepened. "Let’s just say, he learned real quick not to mess with me."

The boys erupted into laughter, completely captivated by the idea of Logan taking down some big, burly guy.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t help the smile creeping onto your face. "You’re gonna give them ideas, you know."

Logan stood, shrugging casually. "Kids need a little excitement."

"Not too much," you muttered, though you were grateful for the way he interacted with them. Most men in the city didn’t have the patience for children, especially not boys as wild as Edwin and Phillip.

As the boys ran off again, Logan glanced over at you, his expression softening just a bit.

"They look up to you," he said quietly.

You looked down, shrugging. "They’re good kids. Just need someone to look after them."

Logan was quiet for a moment, watching the boys as they disappeared into the crowd. Then, almost as if the thought had just occurred to him, he turned back to you.

"You ever think about having your own?" he asked, his tone surprisingly gentle.

The question caught you off guard, and for a moment, you didn’t know how to respond. You hadn’t really thought about it—not seriously, anyway. Your life was too full of other people’s children, other people’s problems.

"I don’t know," you said slowly, glancing up at him. "Maybe someday. If I ever get that cabin, I might think about it."

Logan nodded, but didn’t say anything more. He just walked beside you, the two of you falling back into that easy, comfortable silence.

It wasn’t until later, as you lay in bed that night, that you found yourself thinking about his question again. The idea of a quiet life, away from the noise and chaos of the city, didn’t seem so impossible anymore—not when you imagined Logan there with you.

---

One night, after you had put the boys to sleep and were in Ada’s room to read a story to her, she asked you a question. “Why aren’t you like mama and papa?”

You raised your head from the book you were reading to her, “what do you mean?”

Her lips formed a small pout, “mama has papa, but you don’t have anyone.”

You blinked, caught off guard by Ada’s question. Her innocent curiosity made your heart ache, but you kept your voice steady.

“Well, sweetie,” you started, trying to find the right words, “sometimes, people are just on their own for a little while. It doesn’t mean they won’t find someone. Maybe they just haven’t yet.”

Ada considered this, her small brow furrowed in thought. “But you’re so nice. Why doesn’t anyone love you?”

The simplicity of the question stung more than it should have. You chuckled softly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “It’s not that simple, Ada. But thank you for saying that.”

She didn’t seem satisfied with your answer, her tiny face still scrunched up in confusion. “Don’t you get lonely?”

You hesitated, glancing out the window at the darkening sky. The truth was, sometimes you did. Even though you were surrounded by people—taking care of the children, managing the house—you couldn’t deny that feeling creeping in every now and then.

“I have you, don’t I?” you finally said, smiling down at her. “And Edwin and Phillip. You three keep me pretty busy.”

Ada giggled softly at that, settling into her blankets. “I guess. But I think you should find someone, like mama did.”

You gave her a light kiss on the forehead, smoothing down her hair. “Maybe one day, kiddo.”

Ada yawned, her eyes drooping as sleep crept up on her. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Ada,” you whispered, watching her drift off. You stayed there for a moment longer, thinking about her words, before quietly slipping out of the room.

The house was silent as you made your way down the hall, but your mind was anything but. Her innocent question stirred something inside of you, a longing that you hadn’t let yourself fully acknowledge. It wasn’t like you to dwell on what you didn’t have, but maybe… maybe Ada was right. Maybe there was something missing.

But it wasn’t something you could focus on right now. You had responsibilities. This family depended on you, and that was enough for now. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself.

As you reached your room and closed the door behind you, you caught sight of the bouquet of wildflowers Logan had quietly bought earlier in the day. You hadn’t noticed him purchase them at the market, but when you returned to the house, they were there on the doorstep, a small note attached that simply read, Thought you’d like these.

You smiled to yourself, gently picking up the flowers and placing them in a vase by the window. You hadn’t thought much about having someone of your own, but as you looked at the flowers, you couldn’t help but wonder what it might be like.

And, for the first time in a long while, the idea didn’t seem so far away.

---

The next few days passed quietly, with Logan visiting you at the market more frequently, though neither of you mentioned the wildflowers. There was an unspoken understanding between you—neither of you rushed things, but the connection was undeniably growing.

One afternoon, as you sat outside with Ada on your lap, reading her a story, Logan appeared at the gate. The children spotted him first, of course, and Edwin ran over, grinning ear to ear.

“Logan! You’re back!” he shouted, tugging at Logan’s coat. “Did you bring us any stories?”

Logan gave a soft grunt, glancing over at you with a smirk. “I might have one or two left.”

You shook your head, amused. “They’ll never leave you alone if you keep telling them stories, you know.”

Logan crouched down, ruffling Edwin’s hair. “I don’t mind,” he said, his gaze softening as he glanced at Ada in your lap. “How’re you doin’, kid?”

Ada looked up from the book and smiled shyly, giving him a small wave. “Hi, Logan.”

He smiled, the sight of the children always easing something in him, though he didn’t let it show too much.

As the kids ran off to play, Logan took a seat beside you on the bench. The two of you sat in silence for a while, watching the children chase each other across the yard.

“They’re good kids,” Logan said finally, breaking the quiet.

“They are,” you agreed. “They’ve got a lot of love to give, and not always enough people around to give it to.”

Logan turned his head slightly, his eyes studying you. “That include you?”

You looked down, fidgeting with your skirt. “Maybe. I spend so much time looking after everyone else, sometimes I forget there’s more to life than just… this.”

Logan didn’t say anything at first, just watched you quietly. Then, his voice low, he asked, “You ever think about finding something more?”

You turned to him, surprised by the question. “I don’t know if I’ve let myself think that far ahead,” you admitted, your heart beating a little faster under his gaze.

Logan looked away, his jaw tightening slightly as if he was holding something back. “Maybe you should.”

The weight of his words lingered in the air between you, and for the first time, you felt a pull—a possibility of something beyond the life you’d built here. Something you hadn’t allowed yourself to dream about until now.

But before either of you could say more, the children’s laughter echoed through the yard, and the moment passed. Still, the feeling stayed with you long after Logan left that evening.

---

The sky had taken on that soft orange hue of evening, the kind that made the whole world feel suspended between day and night. You and Logan walked side by side along the Hudson River, the sound of water gently lapping against the shore mixing with the distant hum of the city. It had become your routine over the past few weeks, these evening walks—quiet, almost intimate, even though neither of you said much.

Today, though, something felt different. Logan had been quieter than usual, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, his usual gruff demeanor softened by the fading sunlight. Every now and then, you’d catch him glancing at you from the corner of his eye, as if there was something he wanted to say but couldn’t find the words.

“You alright?” you asked, your voice cutting through the comfortable silence.

Logan nodded, though his expression didn’t quite match the motion. “Yeah, just… thinkin’.”

“About?”

He stopped walking, turning to face the river. You followed his gaze, watching the way the sun’s reflection danced on the surface of the water. After a long moment, he spoke.

“I’ve never really… had this before,” he said, his voice low, almost hesitant. “Y’know, just… bein’ with someone like this. Feels kinda strange.”

You smiled softly, stepping closer to him, close enough that your arm brushed against his. “Strange in a good way?”

Logan let out a short, almost nervous chuckle. “Yeah. In a good way.”

The two of you stood there, side by side, watching the sun dip lower in the sky. You could feel the warmth of his presence, his arm just barely touching yours, and it sent a small thrill through you. You hadn’t been sure at first if what you felt for Logan was mutual—he was quiet, reserved, hard to read—but moments like this, when the world seemed to narrow down to just the two of you, made it clear. There was something unspoken between you, something neither of you had dared to put into words.

After a while, you turned to face him, studying the way his brow was furrowed, like he was deep in thought.

“Logan,” you said softly.

He looked at you then, really looked at you, his hazel eyes meeting yours with a kind of intensity that made your heart skip a beat. For a moment, neither of you moved, the air thick with something unsaid.

Before you could second-guess yourself, you reached out and took his hand, your fingers slipping into his. Logan stiffened at the touch, his eyes flicking down to where your hands were joined, but he didn’t pull away. If anything, he stepped closer, his fingers curling around yours, holding on a little tighter.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before either,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Logan’s gaze softened, his usual guarded expression cracking just enough to let something more vulnerable show through. He hesitated, like he was trying to find the right words, but then decided words weren’t necessary.

Instead, he took a small step forward, his free hand coming up to gently cup the side of your face. His touch was warm, rough, but there was a surprising tenderness in the way his thumb brushed lightly against your cheek. You held your breath, your heart pounding in your chest as he leaned in, his eyes flicking between yours as if asking for permission.

When you didn’t pull away, he closed the distance.

The kiss was soft, almost tentative at first, like he was testing the waters. But the second your lips met his, something inside you seemed to melt, and you leaned into him, deepening the kiss. Logan responded in kind, his grip on your hand tightening as he pulled you closer, the space between you disappearing entirely.

For a moment, it was just the two of you—the sound of the river fading away, the world narrowing down to the warmth of Logan’s lips against yours, the feel of his hand cradling your face like you were something precious.

When you finally pulled back, both of you were breathing a little heavier, your foreheads resting against each other as you stood there, wrapped in the soft glow of the setting sun.

Logan’s eyes fluttered open, and he gave you a small, almost sheepish smile. “Didn’t think I’d be kissin’ you tonight.”

You laughed softly, still a little breathless. “Neither did I.”

He pulled you closer, resting his chin on top of your head as he held you against him. The two of you stood there in the fading light, wrapped up in each other, the world beyond the river momentarily forgotten.

---

Logan thought back to your conversation about living in a cabin more than he cared to admit. The thought of it seemed nice, peaceful, and dare he say it perfect.

After a few weeks of being together, Logan had made a decision and scrounged up any money he could before buying a modest ring from a jeweler. He wasn’t going to propose yet but carrying the ring in his pocket felt right.

He had been coming over to the Thomases’ sprawling estate more often, whether it was walking with you from the market to the large house or even just stopping by of his own will. At first, it had been an occasional thing—a quiet visit here, a quick walk there—but lately, Logan found himself looking for excuses just to be around. You didn’t seem to mind. In fact, the way your eyes lit up when you saw him made him feel something unfamiliar, something good.

One late afternoon, Logan leaned against the garden gate, watching as you knelt by a row of flowers, tending to them with your usual care. He couldn’t help but admire the sight—your sleeves rolled up, hair slightly tousled from the breeze, a small smile on your lips as you worked. It made something in his chest tighten. He fingered the ring in his pocket, feeling its weight. He had no plan to use it anytime soon, but carrying it felt right, like a promise to himself.

You glanced up, catching his eye, and smiled, wiping your hands on your apron as you stood. "Back again, Logan?"

"Guess so," he replied, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Thought you might need a hand."

"Well, I could always use one," you teased, stepping closer to him. "But you don’t strike me as the gardening type."

Logan chuckled, reaching out to take your hand, pulling you a little closer. "Not much of a gardener, no. But I can stand here and look good while you do all the work."

You rolled your eyes playfully but didn’t let go of his hand. The easy banter between you had become natural, and the affection between you had grown, unspoken but undeniable. After a moment, you tugged him toward a bench under a nearby tree.

“Sit with me for a minute,” you said softly. “I’ve been out here all day.”

He followed, sitting beside you as the evening breeze rustled the leaves above. The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a while, watching the shadows lengthen as the sun began to set. Logan glanced at you from the corner of his eye, the warm light catching the curve of your face.

“You ever think this is enough?” he asked suddenly, his voice quiet but clear.

You looked over at him, eyebrows raised. “What do you mean?”

Logan hesitated, his fingers still laced with yours. “Just… this. Bein’ together. Doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.”

You smiled softly, leaning your head against his shoulder. “I think it is enough,” you said after a moment. “I like this, Logan. I like us.”

His heart beat a little faster at your words, and without thinking, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. It wasn’t a big gesture, but it felt natural, like something he’d been wanting to do for a while. You tilted your head up, meeting his eyes, your lips curving into a gentle smile.

“You keep that up, and I’m never gonna let you go,” you teased, though there was something softer, almost serious, in your tone.

Logan smirked, pulling you closer until your legs brushed against his. “Don’t see a reason to.”

Your fingers traced absent patterns on the back of his hand, your touch light and thoughtful. “You know, I used to wonder if I’d ever feel this way about someone,” you admitted softly, your eyes focused on your hands. “If I’d ever meet someone who made me feel… like this.”

Logan was quiet for a moment, watching you, feeling the warmth of your words settle deep inside him. He’d never thought he’d find someone who made him feel like this either—like he didn’t have to keep moving, like maybe he’d found something worth staying for. He wanted to tell you that, to say what he was feeling, but the words stuck in his throat. So instead, he squeezed your hand, hoping you’d understand what he couldn’t say yet.

You looked up at him, your eyes meeting his. The connection between you, the pull, was undeniable. Logan leaned in, his hand slipping to the back of your neck as he pressed his lips to yours. The kiss was slow, tender, like both of you were taking your time, savoring the moment. When you pulled back, your forehead rested against his, and for a second, the world outside the garden didn’t exist.

“I could stay like this forever,” you whispered, your breath warm against his lips.

Logan’s hand tightened on yours. “Maybe we will,” he murmured back, the words slipping out before he could stop them.

You smiled, your eyes soft as you leaned in and kissed him again, slow and sweet. When you pulled back this time, you didn’t say anything, just settled into his side, your head resting against his chest as the two of you watched the sky shift into shades of pink and orange.

The world outside may have been complicated, full of responsibilities and noise, but here, with Logan beside you, it felt simple. Peaceful. Like this was all that mattered.

---

One late afternoon, you were sitting on the porch with Ada and the boys, telling them stories while they played at your feet. Logan leaned against the fence, watching you from a distance, his heart swelling at the sight of you surrounded by the children, laughing and carefree.

“You look like you’re thinkin’ about somethin’ serious,” your voice cut through his thoughts, pulling him back to the present. You stood up, walking over to him, a teasing smile on your face.

Logan shrugged, trying to play it off. “Just thinkin’ about how you handle those kids like it’s nothin’.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Trust me, it’s something. They’re a handful.”

Logan smiled, reaching out to take your hand. “You’re good at it. I like watchin’ you with them.”

Your cheeks flushed slightly at his compliment, and you glanced down, trying to hide the small smile playing at your lips. “Well, you’re not so bad with them yourself. Edwin won’t stop talking about that story you told him.”

Logan chuckled, shaking his head. “Kid’s got a wild imagination.”

You leaned in closer, your fingers playing with the hem of his sleeve. “Maybe he gets that from you.”

He smirked, slipping his arm around your waist and pulling you into him. “Think so?”

“I know so,” you whispered, your breath brushing against his neck.

For a moment, the world around you seemed to fade away, and it was just the two of you, standing in the soft glow of the afternoon sun. Logan’s hand slid up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin before he leaned down and kissed you, slow and deliberate, like he was memorizing the feel of your lips against his.

When he pulled back, your eyes were half-closed, your expression soft and content. “Logan,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “What are we doing?”

He looked at you, his thumb still tracing soft circles on your cheek. “Doin’ what feels right.”

You smiled, resting your forehead against his. “Yeah. It does feel right.”

The sound of the children’s laughter broke the quiet moment between you, and you both turned to see Ada running toward you, her little legs carrying her as fast as they could. “Y/N! Y/N!” she shouted, her face flushed with excitement. “Come play with us!”

You laughed, pulling away from Logan just enough to crouch down and catch Ada in your arms. “Alright, alright! I’m coming.”

As you stood, you glanced back at Logan, your eyes lingering on him for a moment longer. He gave you a small nod, his lips quirking into a smile, and you turned back to the children, running off with them into the yard.

Logan watched you for a while longer, his hand slipping into his pocket where the small ring rested. It wasn’t time yet, but someday, maybe he’d ask. Someday, when the moment was right.

For now, this was enough.

And for the first time in his life, that was all Logan wanted.

---

“Mrs. Thomas is sick. She wanted me to pick up some things for her before the doctor comes to check her out,” you explained, adding a sprig of thyme to your basket and handing the vendor a coin.

Logan stood beside you, hands stuffed in his pockets, watching you with a casual ease that had become second nature to him. “What’s wrong with her?” he asked, though his tone wasn’t heavy—just curious.

You shrugged, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “Probably just a cold. She’s been coughing a bit, but Mr. Thomas thinks she’ll be fine.”

Logan’s jaw ticked slightly, his eyes following the movement of your hand as it tucked the hair behind your ear. “You sure you should be around her if she’s sick?”

You smiled at his concern, nudging him lightly with your elbow. “It’s part of the job, Logan. Besides, I’ve been with her every day. If I was going to get sick, it would’ve happened by now.”

He frowned, not entirely convinced, but let it drop. You were stubborn like that—always brushing things off when they concerned you.

As you moved from stall to stall, picking out fresh herbs, bread, and tea, Logan trailed beside you, a silent presence at your side. It was comfortable—natural, even. You could feel him close, his arm brushing yours now and then, and though neither of you said much, it was the kind of quiet that felt good.

When you handed the grocer a coin for a small loaf of bread, Logan’s voice broke the easy silence. “You want me to walk you back?”

You glanced up at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. “Trying to sneak more time with me?”

Logan grinned, his hands still tucked in his coat pockets. “Maybe.”

Your laugh was soft and warm, and Logan swore it was one of his favorite sounds.

“You don’t have to, but I won’t say no if you want to,” you teased, shifting the basket on your hip. “The Thomases live all the way across town, though.”

Logan rolled his shoulders in a lazy shrug. “Don’t mind.”

With that settled, the two of you set off toward the Thomases’ estate, falling into step beside each other. The streets bustled with the usual afternoon crowds—vendors hawking their goods, carts rattling down cobbled roads, children darting through the streets. Yet somehow, it felt like the two of you existed in your own little world, insulated from the noise of the city.

“You been working much?” you asked after a moment, glancing sideways at him.

Logan nodded. “Yeah. Couple of odd jobs here and there.”

“Same ones?”

“Mostly.” He paused, as if debating whether to say more. Then, with a smirk, he added, “Not much call for a guy like me who’s no good with flowers.”

You laughed, the sound light and easy. “Well, I’m sure someone will take pity on you eventually.”

He bumped his shoulder against yours gently. “You already did.”

You rolled your eyes, but the smile stayed on your face. “Lucky you.”

The walk was long, but neither of you minded. You pointed out things along the way—shops you liked, shortcuts you’d found, little bits of the city you’d come to know well in your time working for the Thomases. Logan listened, his attention fixed on you, and though he didn’t say much, you could tell he was soaking up every word.

When the two of you reached the tall iron gates of the Thomases' estate, you hesitated, lingering just a bit longer with Logan at the edge of the garden.

“Thanks for walking me,” you said softly, your fingers brushing over his for the briefest second.

“Anytime,” he murmured, catching your hand before you could pull it away. He gave it a squeeze, his eyes lingering on yours. “You alright?”

You nodded. “I’m fine, Logan. Just worried about Mrs. Thomas, I guess.”

He studied you for a beat longer, his thumb absentmindedly brushing the back of your hand. “You’ll let me know if you need anything, yeah?”

You gave him a small smile, squeezing his hand in return. “Yeah. I will.”

Neither of you moved at first, as if caught in a moment you weren’t quite ready to let go of. Logan’s gaze flickered to your lips, and for a second, you thought he might kiss you—right there at the gate, with the late afternoon sun warming your skin and the scent of lavender drifting from the garden.

But instead, he leaned in and pressed a slow kiss to your temple, his lips lingering just long enough to leave you breathless.

“See you soon,” he murmured against your skin.

You swallowed, your heart thudding in your chest. “See you soon,” you whispered back.

Logan stepped away, his hands reluctantly slipping from yours, and you watched as he made his way back down the path. He didn’t look back, but somehow, you knew that he felt the same pull you did—the one that always seemed to draw you closer, no matter how far apart you were.

With a soft sigh, you turned and pushed open the gate, your basket swinging gently at your side as you made your way toward the house. The sun was beginning to dip lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the neatly trimmed lawn.

You didn’t know it yet, but the weight of that moment—of Logan’s hand in yours, of the way his kiss had felt against your skin—would stay with you. It would become one of those memories you’d carry in the quiet hours, long after everything had changed.

But for now, it was just another afternoon. And that was enough.

You slipped inside the Thomases’ estate, greeted by the familiar smell of baked bread and lavender from the garden. The children’s laughter echoed faintly from upstairs, a small smile tugging at your lips despite the unease you felt about Mrs. Thomas.

As you moved through the grand hallway, the weight of Logan’s lingering kiss on your temple stayed with you, soft and comforting. His presence, though absent now, always seemed to cling to the air around you like the warmth of a hearth after a long day.

“Y/N!” Edwin’s voice called from the top of the stairs. You looked up to find him peering down at you, his unruly curls falling into his eyes. “Can we go to the park after tea? Phillip says he can run faster than me, but I bet I’ll beat him this time.”

You smiled up at him, though your thoughts were still on Mrs. Thomas. “We’ll see about that, Edwin. But let’s check in on your mother first, alright?”

He nodded, though his face fell a little, understanding the importance of that moment.

Making your way to Mrs. Thomas’s room, you found the air heavier, a staleness clinging to it that made you pause at the door. You knocked softly before entering, the creak of the door barely disturbing the quiet. Mrs. Thomas lay in bed, propped up by pillows, her face pale and drawn. Her once vibrant eyes were duller now, and the small cough you had heard earlier seemed more persistent, rattling in her chest.

“Mrs. Thomas,” you said gently, approaching her bedside with the basket of fresh supplies. “I’ve brought some thyme and tea. The doctor will be here later this week.”

Mrs. Thomas offered a faint smile, though it barely touched her lips. “Thank you, dear. You’re always so thoughtful,” she said, her voice raspy. She shifted slightly, wincing at the effort it took. “I’m sure it’s just a little cold.”

You forced a smile, though something inside you tugged with worry. “Of course. Just a little cold.”

After a few more moments, you excused yourself, promising to return later. The house felt stifling, the sense of something being wrong making your chest tighten. Logan had been right to be concerned. But you brushed it aside, focusing on the children.

A few hours later, after Edwin had indeed beaten Phillip in a race through the park, and Ada had insisted on collecting wildflowers for her mother, the three children were settled with tea. You were cleaning up the kitchen when a familiar knock came at the back door.

Opening it, you found Logan leaning against the frame, that easy smile already softening the tension in your shoulders.

“Thought you might like some company,” he said, stepping inside and pulling you into a gentle embrace. The warmth of his arms around you instantly melted away the weight of the afternoon, and for a moment, you simply leaned into him, breathing him in.

“Good timing,” you murmured into his chest. “The kids are winding down for the night. Edwin’s convinced he’s going to be the fastest man in the world.”

Logan chuckled, his chest vibrating against your cheek. “Is that so? Guess I’ll have to challenge him one day.”

You smiled, pulling back slightly to look up at him. “He’d love that.”

There was a beat of quiet as Logan’s hand came up to brush a stray hair from your face, his thumb lingering just under your jaw. His gaze softened, searching yours for something. It was moments like this—small, tender—that reminded you just how much you’d come to care for him in these past few weeks.

“You alright?” he asked, voice low.

You hesitated, then nodded. “Just… worried about Mrs. Thomas. I don’t know, Logan, she seems worse than she’s letting on.”

Logan’s brow furrowed, his hands slipping down to rest on your waist. “She’s tough, right? She’ll pull through.”

You nodded again, though the doubt lingered. “I hope so.”

Logan leaned down, pressing his forehead to yours, the weight of his presence anchoring you. “You’ll let me know if you need anything?”

“I will,” you whispered, your hands resting on his chest.

He pulled back just enough to catch your lips in a slow, gentle kiss. It was familiar, the way his mouth moved against yours—steady, comforting, with that undercurrent of longing that always seemed to simmer just beneath the surface between you two. When you finally parted, his thumb brushed your cheek, his gaze still locked on yours.

“I hate leaving you here,” he murmured, the frustration clear in his voice. “Especially with her sick.”

You smiled softly, shaking your head. “I’ll be fine, Logan. Go home, get some rest.”

He gave a small grunt, clearly not thrilled with the idea of leaving, but he knew better than to argue when you got like this—determined and stubborn.

With a sigh, he leaned in once more, pressing a final kiss to your forehead before stepping back. “Alright. But I’m checking in tomorrow, whether you like it or not.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” you teased, though the warmth in your chest grew at his protectiveness.

Logan gave you one last smile before turning to head back out into the night, his coat swaying as he disappeared into the shadows. You watched him go, the familiar tug in your chest pulling at you again, but this time it wasn’t just affection. It was worry—a gnawing sense of unease that had been creeping in since that afternoon in the market.

You stood there at the back door for a moment longer, staring into the empty street, wondering if Logan could feel it too—the quiet, unspoken fear that something was about to change.

---

The next few days passed quietly, the routine of the Thomases’ household carrying on as usual—though the coughs from Mrs. Thomas’s room seemed to grow more frequent, more strained. You tried not to think too much of it, telling yourself it was only a cold, that the doctor would sort it out when he came to visit. But there was a part of you, small but insistent, that couldn’t shake the unease gnawing at your thoughts.

The children kept you busy, of course. Edwin was endlessly energetic, challenging Phillip to races and daring Ada to climb the low trees in the garden, much to your chagrin. Ada, sweet and delicate, clung to your side like a shadow, her small hand often finding yours as she babbled on about her imaginary tea parties and grand adventures. In their presence, it was easy to forget the worry in the back of your mind—at least for a little while.

But then, in the quiet moments—like when you helped Mrs. Thomas to her bed after one of her coughing fits, or when the house seemed far too still after the children had fallen asleep—your thoughts would drift back to Logan. To the way he had kissed your forehead that day at the back door, how his hand had lingered in yours just a second longer than usual, as if he’d sensed it too. That something was wrong.

You found yourself waiting for him. Every evening, as the sun dipped low over the city and the shadows lengthened in the streets, you listened for that familiar knock at the back door. And every evening, without fail, he would come—never too late, never too early, always arriving when you needed him most.

Tonight was no different.

You were sitting at the small table in the kitchen, a pot of tea cooling beside you, when the soft knock came. A smile tugged at your lips before you could stop it, your heart lifting in that familiar way as you crossed the room and opened the door.

Logan stood there, his dark hair slightly tousled from the evening breeze, his expression soft but watchful. He gave you that crooked smile that always seemed to make everything feel lighter, as if the world wasn’t such a heavy place when he was around.

“Thought I might find you here,” he said, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

You shrugged, the smile still playing on your lips. “Where else would I be?”

He chuckled, moving to lean against the counter, his eyes flicking briefly to the teapot on the table. “You drinking alone?”

“For now,” you teased, pouring him a cup. “But I suppose I can share.”

Logan took the cup from you, his fingers brushing yours in that familiar way, sending a small, warm spark through your skin. He didn’t move to sit, though. Instead, he stayed close, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer than usual, as if trying to read something in your face.

“What?” you asked softly, the weight of his stare making your heart flutter.

“Just checking in,” he said, his voice lower, more serious than before. “You look tired.”

You gave a small, weary laugh, shaking your head. “I’m fine, Logan. Just a lot on my mind.”

“Mrs. Thomas?” he guessed, sipping his tea.

You nodded, glancing at the floor. “She’s getting worse. I’m trying not to worry, but… I don’t know, something doesn’t feel right.”

Logan’s brow furrowed, and he set his cup down, moving to stand beside you. His hand came up to rest on your shoulder, his thumb brushing lightly against the fabric of your sleeve. “If you need me to do anything—get more medicine, fetch the doctor sooner—you just say the word.”

You met his gaze, your chest tightening at the concern etched into his face. He always made you feel safe, even when you didn’t want to admit how scared you were. You reached up, covering his hand with yours, squeezing it gently.

“I know,” you murmured. “Thank you.”

For a moment, the room was quiet again, the sounds of the city muted by the walls of the house. You could hear the faint crackle of the fire in the hearth, the distant hum of life outside, but here, in this small space, it felt like it was just the two of you. Just the two of you, and the warmth of his hand on your shoulder.

Logan shifted slightly, turning to face you more fully, his other hand coming to rest at your waist. He tugged you closer, his expression softening as he leaned in, his lips brushing your forehead in that tender way that always made your heart skip. But this time, he didn’t stop there. He tilted your chin up gently, his gaze flicking briefly to your lips before meeting your eyes again.

“C’mere,” he whispered, and you didn’t need any more coaxing.

Your arms slid up around his neck, pulling him in as his lips met yours in a slow, deliberate kiss. It was soft at first, tender, but there was a quiet intensity behind it, a sense of urgency you hadn’t felt before. Maybe it was the weight of the unspoken worry hanging between you, or maybe it was just that every time you kissed him, it felt like it could be the last. Either way, you melted into him, savoring the warmth of his mouth against yours, the way his hands tightened around your waist as if he didn’t want to let you go.

When you finally pulled back, your breath mingling with his, Logan rested his forehead against yours, his eyes closed as he let out a long, slow sigh.

“Stay with me tonight,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. You hadn’t meant to say it, but the words tumbled out before you could stop them. The thought of being alone with your worries, of facing the uncertainty of Mrs. Thomas’s illness by yourself, suddenly felt unbearable.

Logan’s eyes opened, his gaze soft but searching as he studied your face. “You sure?”

You nodded, your hands still resting at the nape of his neck. “I just… I don’t want to be alone.”

He didn’t hesitate after that. With a soft, reassuring smile, he nodded and pressed another kiss to your temple. “Alright. I’m here.”

---

The doctor had come by some days later bringing by news, Mrs. Thomas had tuberculosis. He gave her at least another month to live.

Mr. Thomas had instructed you to not let the kids near her as often, to make sure they don’t get sick. He didn’t seem to care much about Logan spending the night with you, or letting the kids be around him.

Logan had been spending more nights with you, by your request. It wasn’t something you talked about, just a quiet understanding between the two of you. The nights felt warmer with him beside you, the weight of the world a little lighter when you could lean against him. He never made a big deal out of it either. It was just...natural.

Tonight was no different. You sat by the fire in the small parlor, the children long since asleep upstairs. The flicker of the flames cast shadows across the room, and you caught yourself glancing toward the door, waiting for that familiar knock.

When it came, it was soft, almost hesitant. But you smiled, already rising to your feet to let him in. Logan stepped inside, brushing off the chill of the night as he shook the snow from his coat.

“Snow’s picking up out there,” he muttered, shrugging off the heavy coat and hanging it by the door. “Thought I’d get here before it got too bad.”

You nodded, wrapping your arms around yourself as you watched him. “I’m glad you did.”

He crossed the room, and without another word, his arms wrapped around you. You melted into his chest, resting your head against him as the fire crackled in the hearth. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, his hand running down your back.

“You alright?” he asked quietly, his voice low. “You’ve been quiet lately.”

You sighed, pulling back just enough to look up at him. “I’m fine. Just tired. It’s… everything with Mrs. Thomas, the kids… I’m trying to keep it together.”

Logan frowned, his hands tightening slightly on your waist. “You don’t have to do it all yourself. You know that, right?”

“I know,” you said softly. “But I feel like I have to.”

“You don’t,” he repeated, his eyes searching yours. “I’m here.”

That simple statement hit you harder than you expected. You leaned up, pressing your lips to his in a soft, lingering kiss. He responded instantly, his hand coming up to cup your cheek, deepening the kiss as if he needed it as much as you did. It was slow and tender, and you found yourself pulling him closer, trying to forget the weight of everything else, if only for a moment.

When you finally pulled back, Logan rested his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your lips.

“You should sleep,” he whispered. “You’re exhausted.”

“Will you stay?” you asked, your voice small.

“Always,” he said without hesitation.

---

The nights blurred together. Logan was there more often than not, sometimes waiting for you when you finished putting the children to bed, other times arriving late after a day spent working. You hadn’t asked where he went during the day, and he hadn’t volunteered the information. It didn’t matter. When he was with you, everything else seemed to fade into the background.

The children, especially Ada, had continued asking why she couldn’t see her mother as often. It had broke your heart to tell her and the boys that their mom was sick, not going any further than that.

“They’ll understand one day,” Logan had said, trying to comfort you as you sat by the fire one evening. His arm was around your shoulders, his fingers brushing lightly against your arm.

You nodded, but the heaviness in your chest wouldn’t lift.

“I just want to help,” you murmured. “But I can’t.”

Logan was silent for a moment before he spoke again, his voice low. “You’re doing more than you think, Y/N. Just being here for the kids, for her... it matters.”

You looked up at him, your eyes searching his. There was something in the way he looked at you, something deeper than the usual concern. It was a look that made your heart skip, that made you realize just how much he had become a part of your life in such a short time.

He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before brushing his lips against yours in a slow, gentle kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer, needing that connection, needing him.

When you finally pulled back, you rested your head against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Logan’s hand slid up to cradle the back of your head, his touch soothing.

“I’m here,” he whispered again, as if the words alone could make everything right.

And for a moment, they did.

---

You could tell that after a month and a half, Mrs. Thomas didn’t have much time left. Maybe a week at the most. She was so young, barely 30 years old, and already having to face the inevitable. Her coughing had become more violent, her body thinner with each passing day, and the sparkle in her eyes was gone. She was fading right before your eyes.

It had been a long day. The kids were more restless than usual, likely sensing the shift in the household. You’d spent most of the afternoon calming Edwin and Ada while trying to keep Phillip out of trouble. Ada, in particular, had been clingy, holding onto your skirt as you moved about the house, asking you why her mother wasn’t coming out of her room anymore.

You gave her the same answer as always. “Your mama’s just resting, sweetheart.”

But even she seemed to sense something was off.

By the time the sun had started to set, you felt the exhaustion in your bones. You barely touched your dinner, pushing food around your plate before giving up entirely. It wasn’t just the physical tiredness, though. It was something deeper. A strange ache in your chest, one you couldn’t quite explain. Maybe it was the weight of everything—Mrs. Thomas’s worsening condition, the children, Logan...

You hadn’t seen him tonight, and that small part of you that had grown used to his presence felt the void acutely. He had a way of grounding you, of making everything seem less overwhelming, if only for a little while. You didn’t want to admit it, but you were beginning to rely on him more and more.

As you climbed the stairs to check on the children, your steps felt heavier than usual. Fatigue, you told yourself. Just fatigue.

When you entered Mrs. Thomas’s room to help her settle for the night, she gave you a weak smile. “Thank you, Y/N... for everything.”

You smiled back, brushing her hair away from her face as you helped her lie down. “Don’t mention it. You just rest.”

Her breathing was shallow, the sound rattling in her chest. You tried not to let it show on your face, but inside, that gnawing worry had grown into a full-fledged fear. You knew the end was coming soon. You just hoped the children wouldn’t have to watch her fade.

---

Later that night, after the house had fallen quiet and the children were asleep, you sat by the small fire in the kitchen. You stared at the flickering flames, trying to let the warmth chase away the chill in your bones, but it wasn’t working.

You weren’t surprised when you heard the soft knock at the back door. Logan’s timing had always been impeccable, showing up when you needed him most, even if you hadn’t called for him. You rose from your seat and opened the door, letting him in with a small, tired smile.

“Cold out there,” he muttered, brushing the snow from his shoulders before stepping inside. He took one look at your face, and his brows furrowed. “You look exhausted, Y/N.”

You waved him off, shutting the door behind him. “It’s been a long day. Mrs. Thomas is...”

He didn’t need you to finish. He’d been coming by enough to know how bad things had gotten.

Logan crossed the small space between you and placed a hand on your arm. “You should be resting too. When’s the last time you got a full night’s sleep?”

You let out a tired laugh, shaking your head. “What is that again?”

“Y/N,” he said, his tone a mix of teasing and concern. “You can’t keep running yourself ragged. You’re no good to the kids if you get sick.”

His words hit a little too close to home. That lingering ache in your chest hadn’t gone away, and now, with him standing so close, it seemed to press harder, making it difficult to breathe. You ignored it, trying to focus on his warm hand still resting on your arm, grounding you.

“I’ll be fine,” you said quietly, leaning against him just slightly. “I just... I need you here. That’s all.”

Logan’s expression softened, and he slipped his arms around you, pulling you close. You rested your head against his chest, closing your eyes as his warmth enveloped you. It felt like everything else faded away when you were in his arms—like the weight of the world wasn’t quite so heavy.

“I’m here,” he murmured into your hair, his voice low. “I’m not going anywhere.”

You stayed like that for a moment, just holding onto him, letting his presence soothe the anxiety that had been gnawing at you all day. His hands ran up and down your back in slow, soothing motions, and you found yourself relaxing, your shoulders sagging as the tension melted away.

But that ache in your chest didn’t fade. If anything, it seemed to settle deeper, a dull, persistent throb that you couldn’t quite shake.

“I don’t know how much longer she has,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “Maybe a week. And the kids... I don’t know how to explain it to them.”

Logan sighed, his breath warm against your hair. “You’ll find the right words when the time comes. You always do.”

You weren’t sure about that, but you didn’t argue. Instead, you pulled back just enough to look up at him, your hands still resting against his chest. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, you could see the same worry you felt reflected in his gaze. But there was something else too—something softer, something that made your heart skip a beat.

Before you could say anything, Logan leaned down, pressing his lips to yours in a slow, tender kiss. It wasn’t rushed or urgent—just gentle, like he was trying to tell you without words that he was there, that you didn’t have to carry everything alone.

You kissed him back, your fingers curling into his shirt as you pulled him closer. For a few seconds, it was just the two of you, the world outside forgotten. But when you finally pulled back, the ache in your chest flared again, sharper this time, making you wince slightly.

Logan’s eyes narrowed, concern flashing across his face. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” you said quickly, brushing it off. “Just... tired, I guess.”

He didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t push it either. Instead, he kissed your forehead softly, his hands still holding you close. “You need to sleep. I’ll stay with you, okay?”

You nodded, letting him lead you to your small bedroom. As you lay down, Logan settled beside you, his arm draped around your waist as he pulled you close. You nestled against him, the warmth of his body soothing, but even as you drifted off to sleep, that strange ache lingered, a quiet reminder that something wasn’t right.

---

Over the next few days, you tried to ignore the fatigue that seemed to cling to you like a heavy blanket. You told yourself it was just the stress, the worry about Mrs. Thomas and the kids. But the truth was, deep down, you knew it was more than that.

Mr. Thomas had been around the house more often, spending almost every moment with his wife before she passed. It would only be a matter of days now. Her condition had deteriorated to the point where she was barely conscious most of the time, her labored breathing a constant reminder of the inevitable.

You moved quietly through the house, keeping the children occupied as best you could. Edwin and Phillip were rambunctious as always, but Ada had grown more subdued. She didn’t ask about her mother as often, as if sensing the unspoken truth everyone was trying to shield her from. You noticed how she clung to your side even more than usual, her small hands gripping your skirts, her wide eyes watching you with a kind of quiet understanding that broke your heart.

It was late afternoon, and the house was eerily quiet. The children were playing in the parlor, their laughter muffled behind the closed doors. You had just finished cleaning up the kitchen when a wave of exhaustion hit you. Your legs felt heavy, your chest tight. You hadn’t been sleeping well, the stress of Mrs. Thomas’s condition weighing on you, but this was different. Your appetite had been lacking for days, though you’d convinced yourself it was just nerves.

You leaned against the counter, taking a slow, deep breath to steady yourself. It would pass. You just needed rest.

Logan wasn’t due to visit tonight. He had mentioned something about work keeping him late, and you didn’t want to ask him to come by, though the ache in your chest—the one you tried to ignore—longed for his presence.

Shaking off the lingering fatigue, you made your way upstairs to check on Mrs. Thomas. As you reached the top of the stairs, you heard her soft, raspy breathing. You hesitated outside the door, your hand resting on the doorknob for a moment, before slowly opening it and stepping inside.

Mr. Thomas sat at his wife’s bedside, holding her hand gently. He glanced up at you, his face pale and drawn, the exhaustion of weeks of worry evident in his eyes. You gave him a small, comforting smile, though you weren’t sure how much comfort you could offer.

"Thank you, Y/N," he said quietly, his voice hoarse from lack of sleep and emotion. "For everything."

You nodded, moving to the other side of the bed to check on Mrs. Thomas. Her eyes were closed, her breathing shallow and uneven. She didn’t stir when you adjusted the blankets around her. The room was stifling, the air heavy with the scent of sickness, and you fought the urge to cough, your throat suddenly dry.

“She’s peaceful,” you murmured softly, glancing at Mr. Thomas.

He nodded but didn’t say anything. His gaze was fixed on his wife, his hand never leaving hers.

You stayed for a moment longer, but the fatigue creeping up your spine forced you to excuse yourself. As you descended the stairs, your legs felt weaker than before, and a dull ache had settled in your chest. You rubbed absently at your throat, trying to shake off the discomfort. It was nothing, you told yourself. Just tired.

The evening stretched on, the children finally quieting down for bed. You tucked them in, lingering for a moment by Ada’s bedside. She reached for your hand, her tiny fingers curling around yours.

“Will Mama be better soon?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, brushing a lock of hair from her forehead. “She’s resting, sweetheart,” you said softly. “Just keep being brave, alright?”

Ada nodded, her eyes already heavy with sleep, though the worry didn’t leave her small face.

Once they were all asleep, you returned downstairs, your body feeling heavier with each step. The fire in the hearth had burned low, casting long shadows across the room. You sat by the fireplace, staring into the dying flames, and let the silence of the house settle over you.

And then there was a soft knock at the back door.

Your heart lifted despite the exhaustion weighing you down. You rose slowly and crossed the room, opening the door to find Logan standing there, snowflakes dusting his hair and coat. He gave you a crooked smile, his eyes scanning your face with concern.

“You look tired,” he said softly, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. “Really tired.”

“I’m fine,” you murmured, though the weariness in your voice betrayed you. “I wasn’t expecting you tonight.”

“I finished earlier than I thought,” he said, shrugging off his coat and hanging it by the door. “Thought I’d check on you.”

Without another word, he closed the distance between you, his arms wrapping around you in a gentle embrace. You melted into him, resting your head against his chest as the warmth of his body seeped into yours. For a moment, the ache in your chest seemed to ease, the fatigue lifting just a little.

“Thank you,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

Logan pulled back slightly, his hand coming up to cup your cheek as he studied your face. “You don’t have to thank me,” he said softly, his thumb brushing against your skin. “I’m here.”

His lips met yours in a slow, tender kiss, and you felt the tension in your body begin to unravel. The warmth of his mouth, the familiar strength of his hands holding you close—it was all you needed in that moment. When the kiss ended, he rested his forehead against yours, his breath mingling with yours.

“You need to rest,” he murmured. “You look like you’re about to fall over.”

“I will,” you promised, though you didn’t want to leave his arms just yet. You leaned into him, letting his presence chase away the exhaustion for a little longer.

---

The funeral was only 6 days later, 4 days after Mrs. Thomas’ passing. She was buried at the Prospect Cemetery at a small affair with rich people you had only heard of in passing.

The funeral was a somber affair. Mrs. Thomas was laid to rest under a sky that threatened snow, and you stood a little ways back, holding Ada’s hand tightly. She had been unusually quiet since her mother’s passing, and even Edwin and Phillip had sensed the weight of the occasion, their usual energy tempered by the somber mood.

You glanced around at the crowd gathered—a sea of dark, expensive fabrics, murmured condolences, and familiar faces. Most of the people you recognized only by name or through brief encounters at the Thomas house. They didn’t seem to belong to the world you inhabited, their whispered conversations and distant gazes a reminder of the divide between their lives and yours.

Mr. Thomas stood near the front, his face a mask of stoicism as he accepted words of sympathy. His children had not left your side, and you knew why. They found more comfort in you than in the strangers who seemed to only appear during tragedies. You didn’t blame them.

As the ceremony came to a close, Ada tugged at your hand. "Can we go home now?" she asked quietly, her voice barely audible over the sound of rustling leaves and shifting boots in the cold.

You nodded, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “We can, sweetheart. Just a few more minutes.”

You caught Mr. Thomas’s eye as he stepped away from the others. He gave you a weary nod, and you knew it was time to leave. You guided the children back to the carriage, helping them inside before following. The ride home was silent, save for the occasional sniffle from Ada and the creaking of the carriage wheels on the cobbled streets.

---

Back at the house, the quiet felt heavier than before. You could feel the weight of grief settling over everything, and it seemed to seep into your bones, making the fatigue that had been gnawing at you for days feel unbearable. Once the children were settled, you retreated to the kitchen, needing a moment to yourself.

But the moment you sat down, the ache in your chest flared up again, sharper this time. You tried to breathe through it, but the tightness only seemed to get worse. A cold sweat broke out on your forehead, and you pressed a hand to your throat, willing it to pass. It felt like something more than just exhaustion now. Something was wrong, but you didn’t have time to worry about it.

The back door creaked open, and you startled, your hand flying to your chest as Logan stepped in. His eyes immediately found yours, narrowing in concern.

“Y/N,” he said, his voice low but urgent as he crossed the room. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you muttered, forcing a weak smile as you tried to stand. “I’m just tired. Long day.”

But Logan wasn’t buying it. His hand caught yours, and he gently pulled you to him, his other hand resting on your waist. “You’ve been tired for days,” he said quietly, his eyes searching yours. “And you look worse now than you did a week ago.”

“I’m fine,” you insisted, leaning into his warmth without thinking. “Just... everything with Mrs. Thomas. I haven’t been sleeping well, that’s all.”

Logan didn’t say anything for a moment, just held you there, his thumb brushing slow circles against your hip. “You’re not fine,” he said softly. “You need to rest. You’re running yourself into the ground, and I don’t want—”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you cut him off, shaking your head as you buried your face in his chest. “I just... I just want to stay like this for a while. Can we do that?”

Logan’s arms tightened around you, and he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “We can stay like this as long as you need,” he whispered.

The warmth of his embrace, the steady rise and fall of his chest, calmed the rapid beating of your heart. It didn’t make the ache in your chest go away, but it dulled the edges for a little while. You stayed like that, your bodies swaying slightly, as if rocking back and forth would somehow soothe the turmoil inside you both.

After a long stretch of silence, Logan pulled back just enough to meet your eyes. His fingers brushed a loose strand of hair from your face, his gaze soft but serious. “You’ve gotta start taking care of yourself,” he murmured. “I mean it, Y/N.”

“I will,” you promised, though you weren’t sure how much of it was for him and how much was for yourself. You could see the worry etched in his features, and it made your heart ache in a different way. “I just... I don’t want to leave the kids right now. They need me.”

Logan sighed, shaking his head slightly. “They need you alive and healthy, not running yourself ragged.”

You knew he was right, but the thought of stepping away—of not being there for them when they needed you most—made your stomach turn.

“I know,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “But I’m all they have right now.”

Logan’s expression softened, and he leaned in to kiss you gently, his lips lingering against yours in a way that felt both comforting and urgent, as if he was trying to convey everything he couldn’t put into words.

When he pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your skin. “You’re not alone in this, Y/N,” he murmured. “I’m here. Always.”

You closed your eyes, letting the weight of his words settle over you. It was moments like this, in the quiet after the storm, that made everything feel bearable, even when the exhaustion seemed impossible to shake. You didn’t want to think about what came next—the inevitable questions from the children, the grief that would continue to hang over the house like a dark cloud.

For now, you just wanted to be here, with Logan, in this fleeting moment of peace.

---

Over the next few days, that small cough persisted, annoying but easy to brush off at first. You told yourself it was just the cold weather, or maybe the exhaustion still clinging to you. But it stuck around, and soon it wasn’t just a cough. Your chest felt heavier, and there were moments where you had to stop to catch your breath.

You didn’t say anything to Logan the first few nights he visited, not wanting to worry him. It wasn’t like you were coughing up blood or anything, and you figured it would pass, just like the fatigue had started to. But when he saw you rubbing your chest again, his eyes narrowed with concern.

“You’ve been coughing a lot,” Logan said one evening, his arm draped casually over your shoulder as you leaned into him by the fire. The warmth of the flames helped ease the tightness in your chest, but even then, it felt harder to breathe than it had before.

“I’m fine,” you mumbled, tucking your legs under you and snuggling closer to him, hoping to avoid the conversation. “It’s just the cold. Everyone’s getting sick this time of year.”

Logan tilted his head, clearly unconvinced. “Y/N, don’t pull that. I know you, and you’re coughing more than you should be. This isn’t just a cold.”

You sighed, not wanting to argue, but the exhaustion weighed on you, and fighting him off seemed too tiring. “Okay, maybe it’s not just a cold,” you admitted, glancing at him. “But it’s nothing serious. I’m just run down.”

Logan’s fingers gently traced up your arm, his touch familiar and grounding. He looked at you with that steady gaze of his, the one that made you feel safe. “You need to rest. Real rest, not just five minutes of sleep here and there between looking after the kids.”

You gave him a half-hearted smile, reaching up to touch his face. “I know. But they need me right now, especially Ada. She’s not taking this well, and I can’t just leave her.”

Logan leaned in and pressed his forehead to yours, his breath warm against your skin. “You’re no good to them if you collapse from exhaustion.”

The way he said it—so serious, so protective—it made your chest ache in a different way. You knew he was right, but the thought of taking a step back when the kids were still hurting felt impossible.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you whispered, but your voice wavered just enough that Logan picked up on it.

He kissed you softly, slow and gentle, like he was trying to pour all of his concern into that one kiss. When he pulled back, his hand lingered on the side of your face. “You don’t have to carry this by yourself, Y/N,” he said softly. “I’m here.”

You looked at him, feeling the weight of his words, and for a moment, you let yourself believe it—that you didn’t have to do everything on your own.

But the next morning, as you moved through the house and got the kids ready for the day, the cough came back with a vengeance. It left you winded, gripping the counter to steady yourself as your breath caught in your throat. Ada was tugging at your skirt, asking for something, but the ringing in your ears made it hard to focus.

“Y/N?” her small voice called, but everything sounded distant.

You forced yourself to smile, pushing through the wave of dizziness. “I’m okay, sweetheart,” you said, though it was more for you than her. The ache in your chest was sharper now, and for the first time, a flicker of real fear crossed your mind.

That evening, when Logan came by, you didn’t have the energy to hide how bad you felt. The second he walked through the door, he saw it in your face.

“Y/N,” he said, his voice urgent as he rushed to your side. “What the hell happened? You look worse.”

You tried to brush it off, but the cough came again, harsher this time, and Logan’s eyes darkened with worry. His hands were on you, steadying you as you leaned into him, the warmth of his body grounding you again.

“You’re not fine,” he said, his tone more serious now. “I should’ve done something sooner.”

“Logan, don’t—”

“I’m taking you to a doctor,” he interrupted, his jaw set. “No arguing.”

You wanted to protest, but the truth was, you didn’t have the strength to fight him. You were too tired, too worn down, and part of you was scared. So you nodded, letting him pull you into his arms as if holding you close would make everything better.

“I’m here,” Logan whispered against your hair, his voice soft and filled with a tenderness that made your heart ache. “I’ll take care of you, okay? You’re not going through this alone.”

---

The next morning, Logan arrived earlier than usual. He wasn’t taking any chances, especially after the night before. You’d barely slept, your coughing keeping you awake for most of it, and when you did manage to drift off, it was only in short, restless intervals.

Logan helped you into the carriage he’d hired, his hands lingering on your arms longer than necessary, his brow furrowed with worry. He hadn’t said much since arriving, just a quiet “Mornin’” before ushering you outside. His concern was written all over his face, even though he tried to hide it behind a mask of calm.

You leaned back against the seat, closing your eyes as the carriage bumped along the cobbled streets. Each breath felt heavier, the tightness in your chest worsening by the day. You didn’t want to admit it, but you knew this was more than just a cold. The cough had settled deep, rattling in your lungs, and even though you tried to convince yourself it was nothing serious, the thought that it could be something more was gnawing at you.

Logan sat beside you, his knee pressed against yours as he kept a protective hand on your leg. Every so often, you’d feel his gaze on you, watching, as if checking to make sure you were still holding on. The warmth of his presence was a comfort, even if you didn’t say it out loud.

When the carriage finally stopped, you opened your eyes and saw the modest sign hanging above the doctor's office. Logan didn’t waste any time helping you down, his arm tight around your waist as you made your way inside.

The waiting room was quiet, the air thick with the scent of medicinal herbs. Logan barely let go of you the entire time, his arm never leaving your waist, and when the doctor finally called you in, Logan made it clear he wasn’t going anywhere.

Inside the small exam room, the doctor—a middle-aged man with silver hair and a kind face—greeted you both with a nod. His expression shifted when he looked at you, though, his eyes softening in a way that made your stomach churn with nerves.

“How long have you had the cough, miss?” the doctor asked as you sat down, Logan standing right behind you.

“A few days,” you said, your voice raspy and weak. “Maybe a little longer.”

The doctor frowned slightly, moving closer to examine you. “And the fatigue? Any weight loss?”

You nodded. “Yes... I’ve been really tired, and I haven’t had much of an appetite.”

Logan’s hand rested on your shoulder, a silent reassurance that he was there. The doctor continued his examination, listening to your chest with a stethoscope, his brow furrowing as he moved from side to side.

After what felt like an eternity, the doctor stepped back, letting out a slow breath. He met your eyes, and you knew immediately that it wasn’t good.

“I don’t want to alarm you,” he began, his voice gentle. “But given your symptoms and the sound of your lungs, I believe you may have contracted tuberculosis.”

The words hung in the air like a heavy weight. You felt Logan tense behind you, his grip on your shoulder tightening ever so slightly.

Tuberculosis.

The sickness that had taken Mrs. Thomas. The same one that had been lingering in the house for weeks.

Your heart pounded in your chest, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe. You’d heard the stories—the way it ravaged families, the way it spread so easily. You’d seen it firsthand with Mrs. Thomas, watching her waste away before your eyes.

“How... how bad is it?” Logan’s voice was rough, strained, like he was barely holding himself together.

The doctor glanced at him, his expression serious. “It’s hard to say right now. Tuberculosis can vary greatly in severity. We’ll need to monitor her closely. Rest, proper care, and keeping her away from others as much as possible will be essential.”

You tried to swallow, but your throat felt tight. “What... what do we do now?”

The doctor sighed. “We’ll start with treatment to help ease the symptoms—medicinal herbs, rest, and a strict diet. It’s crucial that you avoid any further exertion. You’ll need to isolate yourself to prevent it from spreading.”

You nodded, but your mind was spinning. The thought of being confined, of having to stay away from the children—it made your chest tighten even more. How were you supposed to care for them when you couldn’t even take care of yourself?

Logan crouched down in front of you, his eyes searching yours as he held your hands in his. “We’ll figure this out, okay?” he said softly. “You’ll rest, and I’ll help with the kids. You’re not doing this alone.”

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, but you blinked them away. You didn’t want to cry, didn’t want Logan to see how scared you really were.

“I don’t want to leave them,” you whispered, your voice shaking. “They need me.”

“I know,” Logan murmured, his thumb rubbing soothing circles against your hand. “But they need you healthy, Y/N. And I need you healthy.”

You looked at him, your heart aching at the sight of his worry. He was trying so hard to be strong for you, to keep it together, but you could see the fear in his eyes—the same fear you felt deep in your bones.

“We’ll get through this,” he said firmly. “You’re not going anywhere, okay? Not without a fight.”

You nodded, squeezing his hands as tightly as you could. Logan stayed close, his presence a steady, comforting force as the weight of the diagnosis settled over you both.

---

Weeks passed, and the house became quieter. The children were kept at a distance, the once lively home now feeling more like a tomb as you spent your days in bed, trying to gather what little strength you had left. Logan had taken over your duties, ensuring the children were cared for while also staying close to you.

Your body grew weaker with each passing day, the illness creeping deeper into your lungs. The once mild cough had turned into something far more painful, leaving you breathless and exhausted after every fit. You knew, deep down, that the end was approaching. You could feel it in the way your energy dwindled, the way even opening your eyes took effort.

Logan, on the other hand, refused to give up. He never spoke of what was coming, never let on that he saw the same inevitable truth. Instead, he clung to hope, pushing you to eat, to drink, to rest. His presence was a constant, grounding you even in your weakest moments.

Sometimes you even talked about the future, the one you knew you would never have, and the one Logan hoped you would, with him.

Your coughing fit had died down for now, leaving you in bed with your head resting against Logan’s shoulder. His arm was wrapped protectively around you, and the warmth of his body gave you a sense of comfort, even when the pain in your chest didn’t. You took in a shaky breath and spoke softly.

“I’ve always wanted a dog,” you murmured, your voice still weak. “Maybe two.”

Logan shifted slightly, his chin resting on top of your head. “Yeah? What kind?”

You shrugged, smiling a little. “Doesn’t really matter. I just like the idea of having something waiting for me at home, you know? Something happy to see me, no matter what kind of day I’ve had.”

He chuckled quietly, the sound vibrating through his chest. “You’d be a good dog mom.”

You looked up at him, a playful glint in your tired eyes. “You think?”

“Definitely. You’ve already got all the practice with the kids.” He paused, his thumb gently brushing the back of your hand. “Except maybe the dog would be less trouble.”

You laughed, but it turned into a cough, and you quickly brought a hand to your mouth. Logan tensed beside you, waiting until the coughing subsided before speaking again.

“You’re gonna get better, Y/N,” he said softly, his voice firm, but the edge of worry was clear. “We’ll get you that dog. Or two.”

You didn’t respond right away. You wanted to believe him—really, you did—but each day you felt weaker, and it was getting harder to ignore the reality of your situation. But you also didn’t want to drag him down with your fears, so you leaned into him instead, letting the moment linger.

You put your chin on his shoulder, looking up at him, “how many kids would you want?”

Logan looked at you, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Kids, huh?” His voice was warm, teasing, but there was something tender in the way he looked at you, like he was imagining it for real.

“Yeah,” you said, resting your chin on his shoulder, eyes searching his face. “I know it’s kind of silly to think about right now, but... I like the idea. You?”

He took a breath, his fingers tracing absent patterns on your arm. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Never really thought much about it until you.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Until me?”

Logan chuckled softly. “Yeah. Before you, I wasn’t really thinkin’ about things like... a future, you know? I didn’t even know if I’d stay in the city long. But now... now I think about things I never used to.” He paused, glancing down at your hand, his fingers interlacing with yours. “Like kids, and... us.”

Your heart fluttered at that, the weight of his words settling in. He’d never said anything like that before—nothing about the future beyond today or tomorrow. It wasn’t like either of you knew what was coming, especially now, but hearing him say that he thought about you in that way made everything feel more real. More possible.

You grinned, nudging him playfully. “So, how many then? Two? Three?”

Logan laughed quietly. “Two sounds good. Just enough to keep us on our toes, but not so many we lose our minds.”

You giggled, a sound that quickly turned into a cough, and Logan’s smile faded a little, worry creeping back into his eyes. But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just held you closer, his arms wrapping around you like he could shield you from everything bad in the world.

Once the cough subsided, you leaned your head back against his chest. “I think you’d be a good dad, Logan.”

His hand stilled against your arm. “You think?”

“Yeah,” you said softly. “You’re good with the kids now, even if you don’t realize it. They like you, trust you. You’d protect them... care for them.”

Logan was quiet for a moment, and you could feel the weight of his thoughts. “I’d try,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

The warmth of his body, the steadiness of his presence—it was enough to make you forget, for just a little while, how weak you felt. You closed your eyes, letting yourself sink into the comfort of him, of this moment, even though you knew it wouldn’t last.

“Do you ever wonder what it’d be like?” you asked quietly. “If we didn’t have to worry about... this.” You gestured vaguely, meaning the illness, the uncertainty, all of it.

“All the time,” Logan murmured. “But we’ve still got time, Y/N. I’m not giving up on you.”

You opened your eyes, looking up at him. “You really think we’ll make it through this?”

Logan’s gaze was unwavering. “I know we will.”

His confidence, his belief in you, in this, made your heart ache in the best way. You wanted to believe him, wanted to hold onto that hope, even though the fear lingered in the back of your mind.

“You don’t have to be so tough all the time,” Logan said gently, brushing a loose strand of hair from your face. “It’s okay to lean on me.”

You looked at him, your chest tight for a different reason now. “I know.”

And you did. Logan was always there, steady and unshakable, even when you felt like you were falling apart. You didn’t have to do this alone, even if part of you still felt like you should.

Logan leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment longer than usual. “I’m with you, Y/N,” he whispered. “No matter what.”

You closed your eyes again, savoring the warmth of his kiss, the feeling of his arms around you. For now, that was enough.

But even as you rested against him, part of you couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that your time was running out.

---

Logan hated the fact that everything you said was in past tense. How you would’ve liked to learn how to bake bread in that cabin you wanted.

How you would’ve liked to learn how to crochet.

Logan sat on the edge of the bed, watching you with a quiet intensity. You had been talking again, your voice soft and tired, about all the things you wished you had more time to do. It was starting to drive him crazy—the way you spoke in past tense, like you were already halfway gone.

“Would’ve liked to learn how to crochet,” he repeated softly, his eyes never leaving your face.

You smiled, but it didn’t reach your eyes. “Yeah. I always thought it’d be nice to make something with my hands. You know, like a blanket or something... for the cabin.”

Logan’s chest tightened. He hated this—hated that you were talking about all these little dreams like they were out of reach. He leaned forward, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “You’re gonna be fine, Y/N,” he said, trying to sound more certain than he felt. “You’ll still have time for all that.”

You met his gaze, your eyes soft but filled with something else—something that made his heart ache. “Logan...”

“No,” he interrupted, shaking his head. “You don’t get to talk like that. We’re gonna get you through this.”

You let out a soft sigh, your hand coming up to touch his cheek. “You don’t always have to be strong, you know. It’s okay to be scared.”

“I’m not scared,” Logan said quickly, though the way he gripped your hand a little tighter gave him away. He wasn’t ready to admit it—to you, to himself—that the thought of losing you scared him more than anything he’d ever faced.

You smiled faintly, shifting on the bed so you could lean into him. “I know you, Logan. You don’t have to pretend for me.”

Logan felt his throat tighten as you pressed closer to him. He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into his chest, trying to hold on to the moment for as long as he could. Your body felt so fragile against his, like you could break if he held you too tight. But he needed to feel you, to remind himself that you were still here.

“Don’t,” Logan said, his voice thick with emotion. “Don’t talk like that.” He looked away for a second, trying to regain control of the storm raging inside him. He didn’t want to hear the finality in your voice, didn’t want to acknowledge the possibility that you might slip away from him.

You reached out, your hand trembling slightly as you touched his cheek. “Logan, you know as well as I do...”

“No,” he repeated, cutting you off again, his voice gruff but shaky. His hand covered yours, pressing it gently against his face. “I’m not losing you. I don’t care what the doctor says. We’ll fight this. We’ll get through it.”

There was a long silence between you, the air heavy with the unspoken truth. You didn’t have the heart to argue with him, but you knew. You could feel it in your bones, in the way your body was failing you little by little every day. But Logan’s refusal to accept that reality made you love him even more, even if it hurt.

You gave him a sad smile, your eyes locking with his. “I love you, Logan.”

His breath caught, and for a moment, he couldn’t speak. The weight of those words—words you’d both danced around but never truly said—hit him like a punch to the gut. He leaned in close, his forehead resting against yours, his voice barely a whisper.

“I love you too, Y/N,” he finally said, his voice breaking just a little.

You closed your eyes, letting the warmth of his words wash over you. It wasn’t fair, any of this. You’d only just begun to imagine a life with him, and now that future was slipping through your fingers.

Logan held you tighter, his arms wrapped around you as if he could protect you from everything, even death. He kissed your forehead, then your cheek, before pressing a final, lingering kiss to your lips. It wasn’t passionate or desperate—just soft, filled with all the love he hadn’t yet had the chance to show you.

“I’m here,” he whispered again, his lips brushing against your skin. “Always.”

And for a moment, despite the pain, despite everything, you believed him. Because even if the future was uncertain, even if you didn’t have much time left, you had this. You had him. And for now, that was enough.

---

Nothing had worked, and nothing was working.

You had already accepted your fate, but Logan couldn’t—no matter how many times you tried to explain. He kept his focus on you, his stubborn hope unwavering, even though you both knew time was running out.

“You’re gonna be fine, Y/N. You’ll see,” he said softly, sitting beside you on the bed. He brushed a hand through your hair, his touch gentle, but the worry in his eyes was impossible to miss.

You looked up at him, your chest tight—not from the sickness, but from the overwhelming love you felt for him in that moment. “Logan... we need to talk about this.”

He shook his head immediately, his jaw clenched. “No, we don’t. We don’t have to talk about anything like that. You’re gonna get better, and we’ll figure everything out.” His voice cracked just a little at the end, betraying the fear he was trying to hide.

You reached for his hand, your fingers trembling as they closed around his. “I don’t want to pretend anymore. I don’t want to spend what little time we have left lying to ourselves.”

Logan looked down at your intertwined hands, his thumb tracing slow circles on your skin. “But I can’t... I can’t think about losing you.”

“You don’t have to think about it,” you whispered, leaning your head against his shoulder. “But we need to be honest with each other. I’m not getting better, Logan. We both know that.”

His whole body tensed beside you, and he turned his head away as if looking anywhere but at you would somehow make your words less real. “I can’t... I can’t lose you, Y/N.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and leaned closer, pressing your lips softly to his jaw. “I love you, Logan. That’s all that matters to me right now.”

His breath hitched, and for a long moment, he didn’t say anything. He just sat there, holding you as if he could protect you from the inevitable, his arms tightening around you.

After a while, he finally spoke, his voice barely a whisper. “I love you too. More than anything. That’s why I’m not giving up.”

You pulled back slightly, looking up at him, your heart breaking for him. “I know you’re trying to protect me... but I don’t want you to carry this alone. I need you to be here with me, in this moment, not fighting something we can’t change.”

Logan’s eyes met yours, and for a second, the wall he’d built around himself seemed to crack. “I don’t know how to do that,” he admitted. “I don’t know how to just... be.”

“You don’t have to be strong all the time,” you whispered, your hand reaching up to cup his cheek. “You can let go.”

His eyes softened, and before you could say anything else, Logan leaned in and kissed you—soft, but with an intensity that made your heart ache. It was a kiss that said everything he couldn’t put into words: the fear, the love, the desperation to hold onto whatever time you had left.

When he finally pulled away, his forehead rested against yours, his breath shaky. “I don’t know how to say goodbye,” he whispered.

You closed your eyes, your hand still resting on his cheek. “We don’t have to say goodbye yet. Just stay with me. That’s all I want.”

Logan didn’t respond with words. Instead, he held you tighter, his arms wrapping around you as if he could keep you with him through sheer willpower alone. You could feel the tremble in his hands, the way his breath hitched every now and then like he was fighting back tears.

For a while, you both stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, the world outside fading into nothingness. There was no cough, no sickness, no uncertainty—just the warmth of Logan’s body against yours and the steady beat of his heart beneath your hand.

Eventually, you spoke, your voice barely audible. “I wish we had more time.”

Logan’s grip tightened slightly. “Me too.”

You felt a lump in your throat, but you forced a small smile. “You know... if things were different, I think we’d have had a pretty good life together.”

Logan’s voice was thick with emotion as he replied, “We still will. Somehow... someday.”

You leaned your head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. “Maybe in another life.”

Logan didn’t say anything, but you could feel the way his body stiffened, like he couldn’t stand the thought of losing you again—even in another life.

“You don’t have to be alone, Logan,” you whispered, your voice soft but filled with all the love you had left. “Promise me you won’t shut yourself off.”

He was silent for a long moment, and when he finally spoke, his voice was rough and raw. “I can’t promise that.”

You smiled faintly, knowing that was the best you were going to get from him. “Just... don’t forget me.”

Logan leaned down and pressed another kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a long time. “I could never forget you.”

The room was quiet after that, the only sound the soft rustling of the blankets as Logan adjusted you in his arms, pulling you closer.

You closed your eyes, feeling the exhaustion creeping in again, but this time it didn’t feel so overwhelming. With Logan’s warmth surrounding you, with his quiet strength holding you up, you felt at peace.

---

You had passed away in your sleep that night, in Logan’s arms. He had stayed up, something in his subconscious telling him to keep his eye on you.

And he did, he felt you take your last breath; one that didn’t seem as painful as when you were awake.

Logan held you close, his arms tightening around you instinctively as he realized what had just happened. His mind refused to process it, refused to accept that this was it. He stared at you, his chest rising and falling in rhythm with breaths that felt foreign in his own body. You weren’t moving anymore, not even the faintest stir.

For a long time, he didn’t let go. He couldn’t. His arms stayed wrapped around you, his face buried in your hair, willing his warmth into your body as if that could somehow bring you back.

"Y/N..." he whispered, his voice broken. He lifted his head slightly, his thumb brushing your cold cheek. "Please... wake up."

There was no answer.

Logan swallowed hard, his throat burning, his chest tightening. His hand trembled as it caressed your face, fingers gently tucking your hair behind your ear like he’d done a hundred times before. But this time, there was no playful smile in return. No teasing comment about how messy your hair always was.

It was quiet. Too quiet.

He let out a shaky breath, his other hand clutching the bedsheet, the weight of what had happened finally starting to crush him. He knew this moment was coming—he’d known it for weeks, maybe even months—but now that it was here, it didn’t feel real. He couldn’t understand how it had come to this, how someone as full of life as you could just... stop.

“Y/N... don’t do this... please,” he whispered again, his voice barely audible as if saying it any louder would make it more true. His hand lingered on your cheek, hoping for even the smallest sign that you’d take another breath.

But nothing came.

He stayed like that for a long time, just holding you, feeling the weight of your stillness.

Logan had never felt so powerless in his life. For all the things he could do, for all the strength in his bones, none of it could save you. His healing couldn’t save you. The realization cut him deeper than any wound ever had.

At some point, he felt his chest tremble, felt the tears start to burn at the corners of his eyes. He hadn’t cried in years, maybe ever—not like this—but he couldn’t stop it now. Not when he’d lost you.

“I... I love you,” he choked out, the words falling from his lips like a confession, like an apology for not saying it enough while you were still here to hear it. He pressed his forehead to yours, his voice breaking again. “I love you so much...”

The room was silent, except for the sound of Logan’s ragged breathing and the ticking of the old clock in the corner, each second passing with an agonizing slowness. He wished he could turn it back, go back to when you were still here—laughing, talking, smiling. Anything but this.

But he couldn’t.

And the weight of that realization shattered him.

For the first time in his life, Logan had no fight left in him. Not for this. Not without you.

i'm not gonna lie, i definitely started crying while writing those last few scenes, even though i knew how it was gonna end

just a little note for everyone (i'll probably add this at the end of every chapter just cause it helped me when writing) in this chapter, logan is 22 years old and reader is around the same age.

tags: @seasonofthenerd @golden-ebony @planetxella @tighrenicotine @wittyjasontodd @cherrypieyourface @tumharisakhi @person-005 @zaggprincess2

[wonupatootie]

이찬 // Lee Chan [Dino] Fic Recsᡣ𐭩

세상에 시드는 꽃은 많지만 여기 있는 것들은 시들지가 않아~

Main Recs Masterlist

MINORS DNI!!!!!!!

Please like and reblog the fics to show the creators love and support~

“Scored” by @leejungchans

Fem!reader || uni au, enemies to lovers, fluff, humour || W.C: 12.4k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･lee chan should really stop winning so many games for your university, because as the resident writer for the sports column of the student newsletter, you’re starting to get really sick of having to cross paths with him all the time.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Light of My Life, Treasure of My Memories” by @idyllic-ghost

Sci-fi au, right person wrong time, angst, fluff, heavy topics || W.C: 16k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･The life of a researcher is dull when every answer you seek is at the tip of your fingers. New technology may have brought us a comfortable life, but for you it was almost torture. There had to be something more. So when you got the opportunity to be a researcher for the cognitive sciences of Automatons, you took it. But what happens if the outcome isn’t what you expected? What if these beings you call robots have life? How does one define the essence of life? More importantly, how could you stay objective when you were slowly falling in love with your test subject?

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Love Guard” by @tqmies

Fem!reader || summer au, enemies(one-sided) to lovers, fluff || W.C: 9.2k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･Lifeguard Lee Chan is a pain in your ass, and you swear he's only picked up this job to ogle at girls in bikinis. Little did you know, the only girl he wants to look at is you — not that you'd ever let him tell you that though — Especially now that you're convinced he's in love with your co-worker.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Distraction, A Fatal Attraction” by @sohnric

Fem!reader || college au, strangers to lovers, fluff || W.C: 7k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･You and Lee Chan seem to have the same clubbing tendencies. That being: drinking a little too much at times and getting a little too touchy when doing so. (Or - you and Lee Chan have kissed a concerning amout of times before he finally asks for permisson.)

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Memories That Resemble You” by @viastro

Gn!reader || strangers to lovers, angst, some fluff, some humour || W.C: 11.2k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･the people that you’ve met are meant to be there in your life, on most occasions. however, the person that you’ve set up your whole life with is one where you know they’re irreplaceable. with every flashback that you may encounter comes hope for the upcoming future, and that was the reason why you were always looking forward to meeting him.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Mind Your Business” by @bitchlessdino

Fem!reader || frenemies au, supernatural comedy, smut || W.C: 12.4k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･If Chan had to read anyone’s mind, it had to be yours—the one person who seemed to loathe him with every ounce of your being. But before Halloween day, when that wish is suddenly granted, he begins to realize he’s opened a can of worms far bigger than he ever imagined—one that can’t be sealed shut again.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Chapter One: How To Not Get Stabbed” by @mr-cha-n

Superhero au, action, smut, angst, fluff || W.C: 22.2k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･The peace of quiet of your garage is only broken by the hum of machines and clanking tools, and you like it that way - until a superhero crashes his car straight into your door.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“In Case You Didn’t Know” by @shuadotcom

Fem!reader || 90s au, roommates au, brother's best friend, fluff, romance, smut, little angst || W.C: 28.8k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･Chan has always been just one of your step-brother’s best friends. He’s also been in love with you for as long as everyone remembers, but you never paid him much mind - that is until you decide to return home after many years away and you see the man he’s become. He goes from being your little brother’s best friend to being the perfect man for you in a matter of months. Now the questions are who wants who more and will either of you do anything about your feelings?

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Promise Ring” by @lovelyhan

Royalty au, fantasy, childhood friends, mutual pining, love triangle, drama, slowburn, angst, smut || W.C: 21k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･no one would've guessed that the daughter of the town’s royal mage has a soft spot for the clumsiest fire elemental in the entire realm. but when the crown prince suddenly asks for your hand in marriage, you're forced to consider how you feel about a certain lee jung chan a lot more seriously.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Take My Hands (We Can Fall Together)” by @the-boy-meets-evil

Fem!reader || brother's best friend, friends to ??, pining, slowburn, fluff, some angst, smut || W.C: ~23.5k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･chan's known you for years and he knows you're friends, but you've always felt just a little bit out of reach. like you see him as someone your brother brought into the friend group when you were kids. he's fine with that. still, it's hard to watch you settle for relationships where you're never the priority. when the weather starts cooling off, chan figures your favorite season is the time to show you that you deserve better. even if it's not him.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Rates of Change” by @wqnwoos

Uni au, idiots to lovers, fluff, minor angst || W.C: 10.2k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･Your first and only semester as TA throws your previously unassuming college life into disarray, fuelled almost entirely by the brown-eyed and charming student who’s slipping closer to failing with every lecture. And in return for your mathematical assistance, Lee Chan decides he’s going to set you up with the guy you’ve been persistently pining over for a year and a half. It’s a simple equation: you teach him calculus, and he’ll teach you how to flirt. Except, as you’re both quick to discover, mathematical equations don’t translate over to real life as easily as you’d expect.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Blood & Popcorn” by @sailorrhansol

Fem!reader || friends to lovers, angst, fluff, smut || W.C: 11.3k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･Fridays are reserved for watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and stuffing your face with popcorn and pizza. It’s been like that for you and Chan since your freshman year of college. But when he skips your Blood and Popcorn night for a date, things take an unexpected turn. 

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“A Story About Us” by @wavesmp3

Fem!reader || dark piece, angst, minor gore || W.C: 15.6k

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Lee Chan Needs Love Too” by @bitchlessdino

Fem!reader || college au, smut, humour || W.C: 9.3k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･There was Lee Chan from High school and now Lee Chan from college. You insist they are not the same person. The only thing they have in common is they both got to fuck you.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

“Ten Dates: Unmatched” by @xunolic

Fem!reader || Exes to not quite enemies to lovers, romcom, angst, smut || W.C: 17.9k

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･once you and chan broke up, you decided to be cordial enough to stay friends with him. however, you’ve finally moved on and are taking on dating again. as you beg chan for advice, you should've known he’d grow tired of it.

Please let me know if the links have any problems~

[rustboxstarr]

🏖Grown Ups🏖 part 1

Summary: You've been pulling away from Eddie recently its not until summer vacation that you finally find your way back to him.

Pairings: Dad!Eddie Munson x PlusSize!Mom!Reader

Warnings: Holy hell prepare yourself -> worrying about R potentially cheating, angst, talk of sex, slightly derogatory talk of sex, Gareth is a womanizer (Sorryyyyy needed someone to be!), alcohol consumption, thoughts of sex, thoughts tiddie fucking, kissing, Eddie being kinda desperate and horny for sex but trying to be respectful, nudity, R has tattoos, nipple and belly button piercing, body insecurity (Don’t worry Eddies just being a weirdo, she loves herself otherwise!), smoking, Steve being an insightful mama hen and apparently knows how women function (Steves a sweetheart, we want all men to be like Steve), light confrontation, looming anxiety, drunken accidental grinding, groping, R being to drunk to remember ALMOST having sex , threats of violence, tiddie sucking, hickeys, oral f receiving, fingering, squirting, interruptions, talk of oral m receiving, Smut P in V, no cut offs or dividers, sorry forgot to put them in. I tried to stay away Y/N I rly did but I think it slipped in once or twice (Sorry not sorry 😈)

Wordcount: Short and sweet only 22.2k........ (Yeah this fic quite literally ripped the idea in my head and sprinted away with it like it was wanted for murder (Get it? HAHAHAHA (Explaining my jokes, I love myself))

A/N: So I was watching Grown Ups (2010) the other day and thought it was so funny when all the guys talk about how little they have sex with their wives, but then it spiraled and got slightly angsty but personally I love this! Character list and ages under the cut :)

Love yas!

Part 2

Drawings I made for the fic for some visuals 😊

Grown Ups masterlist

Check out my other works!

Max (35), Lukas (35) - twins Eric (6) and Billy (6)

El (35), Mike (35) - no kids

Dustin (35), Suzie (35) - Willow (11 months)

Eddie (41), You (40) - Ophelia (10) and Roxette (7)

Gareth (37) - single, no kids

Luke -unnamed freak (39), Simone (38) - Tom (5) and Oliver (3) - not that it matters but Simone is african american so the kids are mixed incase it might be nice to visualise 

Jeff (37), Tracy (45) - Ariana (16) (Tracy's daughter)

Will (35), Winter (33) - no kids

Steve (40), Nancy (39) - Mercy (11), Lousie (9), Rachel (7), Marcus(5), Bianca (3) and Dustin (2)

Jonathan (39), Charlotte (41) - Emma (6), Charlie (4) and Lilly (2)

Robin(39), Vickie(39) - no kids

Argyle (40), Eden (38) - no kids

------------

Summer 1998, the sun was shining bright against the pastel blues of the sky, temperatures rising all over the country, it was the best time of the year, 10 year old Ophelia and 7 year old Roxette were off school for the summer holidays, you had your 6 weeks off and Eddie took leave from work, cashing his holidays in broken up during the 9 weeks of summer to be with you and his kids. Mid june and the Munson family had gotten the chance to rest for the first 5 days before the roadtrip to Dustin’s late granny’s lakehouse in Muskegon, the five hour road trip delayed with multiple food stops, toilet breaks, a few car boot sales which signs had caught you eye, one mall trip to stave off Roxy’s crying when she realised she forgot to pack her bathing suit and a few leg stretchers to keep both the kids from going crazy in the backseat. 

Ophelia had grown up to become a relatively quiet kid, calm, never too temperous and always content with following around with the grown ups plan, god knows how, neither you nor Eddie were ever people to be considered calm and peaceful. In your youth running around being chased by Hopper after breaking into abandoned places, caught drunk encouraging Eddie to piss on the large bronze statue situated in front of the mayor's office, shoplifting, vandalism, disturbing the peace, there had even been one time where Hopper had knocked on Wayne’s trailer door, two embarrassed soon to be adults stood behind him, wrapped up in blankets with not a single other article of clothing on for modesty after giving you both a ‘ride home’ as you liked to joke. 

The straight defiance of US laws simmered down after Ophelia came along but partying, loud obnoxious jokes, crazy schemes and dramatic displays of affection were still something very normal for the two of you. Well normal up until the last six months or so where it had simmered down. The both of you were still cuddly and giggly and chummy with each other, but lately it seemed you both had drifted apart, admittedly you more than him.

Roxette however seemed to have taken to both of you, couldn't sit still, always loud, always on the move, yup she was the embodiment of both yours and Eddie’s personalities, the same reason as to why the five hour road trip pushed 9 hours. Roxy could barely handle the 20 minute drive to school…

Up at 8 am packing the kids into the car with plenty of books, comics, cd’s and toys you set out. Eddie at the wheel of your 95 Mitsubishi Mirage while you cozied under a blanket next to him, head lolling on your shoulders threatening to tip you over until you adjusted yourself to sit up against the window as you let that comforting dull, cloudy feeling overtake you and drift you off to sleep. In the back Roxette was fast asleep while Ophelia bobbed her head in tune to Tupak Shakur’s latest album R U Still Down? playing in the round silvery cd player Eddie kept in the glove compartment, staring out at the trees whizzing past the window. 

The clock was nearing 5 pm when the car pulled off the bumpy road -with Eddie in the passenger seat- over the gravel parking lot to what Dustin had called The Henderson Castle. A quaint surprisingly large cabin in dark mahogany wood panelling, green chipping edging and beams matching the green steps to the bright blue double doors. Lake Michigan painted the horizon behind the garden, a small private beach next to a short dock attached to a boathouse and a sailboat tied to the wood panels, a rack of 5 canoes resting on the old water stained wood. Wooden beach chairs and plastic loungers framed in by the litter of trees and behind a picnic table and worn down monkey bars. 

Eddie took to emptying the boot of duffle bags and food bags while you urged Ophi and Roxy out of the back. Cars of different prince rages surrounded them as things were retrieved out of the vehicle, “Well well well look who decided to show up!” Dusting grinned from the front door, carrying a little girl on his hip who tucked her head into his shoulder in shyness. 

Matching grins were shone at the 35 year old as he descended the steps to greet you “What's up man!” Eddie patted him on the back in a one armed hug before he went around to give you a proper hug. “Hi! I’m Roxette” your daughter said excitedly, Dustin bent down to talk to her “I know, we've met before” his voice was sweet and mischievous as he stuck out his hand for Roxette to shake. 

You were all hustled into the house where a large group of people were scattered around the kitchen, dining table to your left and living room to your right behind the kitchen, all hollering in delight as your family of four stepped over the threshold. Hugs were exchanged as well as ‘took you long enough’s and ‘did you learn to read the clock in your three years of senior year’s, soon enough a wide spread of food, carefully put out by Dustin's wife Suzie had been devoured and catch ups had been exchanged. 

Dustin had taken the duty of showing everyone to their rooms, Jonathan’s three kids, Emma, Charlie and Lily, Luke’s Carl and Tom, Steve and Nancy's six nuggets Mercy, Lousie, Rachel, Marcus, Bianca and Dustin, Max and Lucas’s twin boys Eric and Billy, as well as Ophelia and Roxette were all given the privilege of sharing the well lit and cozy basement. 17 kids with the exception of Willow who had her own little bed with Dustin and Suzie and Ariana, Jeff’s 16 year old step daughter who got her own room, were all over the moon, excited about causing as much ruckus as they could. Parents and couples alike all directed upstairs to the second and third floor for their own bedrooms in the impressive lakehouse. 

The time on Eddie’s watch showed 11:32 as he took it off and placed it on his temporary nightstand for the next week when you crawled under the patchwork cover and got yourself comfortable on your side. Teeth brushed, clothes changed, good nights said and bags unzipped it was time to turn in for the night. Something about being on the go for 8 and a half hours and then making conversation in a room full of 39 other people was extremely exhausting and it caught up to you as your head nestled into the plush worn cotton pillow. 

You heard Eddie yawn loudly behind you as he no doubt flung his balled up fists out in the air, stretching like a cat by the side of the bed. He rustled behind you until you felt the cover lift and a warm body dip into the mattress, humming as he scooted over to wrap his arms around you and hold your back to his chest. You bathed in his embrace, happy and content cuddling up with your husband until, you felt him move again to press his hips against your. A soft grunt escaped your lips as Eddie pushed his hard on to nestle between your ass cheeks, on display from the back of your threadbare t-shirt riding up. 

“Mm Eddie I’m really tired” you groaned quietly, nestling further into his arms wrapped around you. You heard him sigh and had your eyes been open you would have undoubtedly rolled them at his reaction “We’ve been on the go since 8 am, I’m really not in the mood” you further explained “I know baby” Eddies breathed slightly disappointed, in the back of his mind he had hoped that the change of scenery might get you exited, possibly put a stop to the dry spell you had seemed to be going through. “Lets just go to sleep yeah?” he whispered, fingers crossed that his disappointment and slight annoyance at his idea being wrong couldn't be detected in his voice. You hummed in agreement as Eddie slackened behind you and fell asleep. 

The morning had been hectic, starting off already at 7 am when both girls rushed in to find their clothes, awakening you as they spoke loudly “Girls you know this” Eddie sighed as he tiredly sat up on his side of the bed, pulling his warm grasp away from you “Knock on the door, don't just barge in” he was slightly exasperated as he told them off “But were on vacation!” Roxette whined as she paused in rifling through one of the bags “Yeah well the rule still applies”. Even though it might be mostly your fault it was still funny that he was dictating a rule set in place so they wouldn't walk in on you having sex when you actually hadn’t even had sex in god knows how long. 

The reason why you were mostly at fault for the fact was that yes you were the first to cool down with initiating it but you didn't accept Eddie’s advances even when he tried. But recently you just hadn’t been in the mood, work had been hectic and you barely had time for each other, to top it all off lately you’d just felt a dip in your confidence. The fact that you were now in your 40s just seemed to catch up with your busy brain, you didn't look the way you did when you and Eddie first got together, or even the way you did just a few years ago. You'd always been on the bigger side of scales but that never bothered you, in fact your looks weren’t even the problem, objectively. It was the way you felt inside, old, tired, unnatractive, it had caused you to pull back from him, curl in on yourself and throw yourself into being a mom and a good boss. 

Eddie had to keep reminding himself that there wasn't a chance in the realm of possibility that the reason you were staying late at work had anything to do with anything other than work. Something he found himself telling his brain a lot whenever your nearest colleague Greg resurfaced in his mind. Greg was a sweet lovely man who worked just below you, but it was hard to remind himself of that as he thought about the many hours you spend at work alone with him. Even though he was a good kind soul he was undoubtedly attractive, even though he knew you were loyal to your husband and he to his wife and even though he knew he was more your type than Greg was it was still a constant bicker in his brain. 

–

The rest of the morning was even worse, such a drastic change from lounging around the house or almost falling asleep on a blanket in the yard as you attempted to read. Kids were everywhere, everyone was talking, moving around and trying to get to the food served for breakfast, it was stressful to say the least. You were used to large crowds, parties, concerts and other events but now it was just too much, and it seemed to show as Eddie wrapped his arms around your shoulders behind you, planting a kiss to your temple as you talked to Tracy, Jeff’s wife. You appreciated the gesture, even though you hadn’t been all too close to him recently and it was clearly beginning to frustrate him he was still there for you, something that made your heart squeeze. 

Finally around noon the pace had slowed, some kids were occupied with games and crafts inside while your own played with Luke's, Steve and Nancy's kids in the water. Splashing around happily as Nancy floated around nearby while you took the chance to get to know Luke's wife Simone and Jeff’s Tracy better. Eddie, Steve, Gareth, Jeff and Luke all lounged around on the chairs pushed into the sand just as it turned to grass behind them. 

“So Gare, still sad and single?” Jeff chuckled as he sipped a matching cool beer to the rest “Hah! Sad? I’d take being single any day over commitment and fuckin’ kids” he scoffed, legs spread wide as he tanned under the sun in baggy ombre trunks. “Hey having kids aint that bad” Steve grinned “Oh sure, I bet it's a riot being woken up at 5 am by 6 little assholes every morning” he chuckled. 

The sun was high up in the sky, water glittering under the shine as it splashed around by the kids shrieking and laughing. “Ugh, had to remind mine to knock on the fucking door this morning, both of them just waltzed in like they owned the place” Eddie supplied as he looked over at you. Stood by the waters edge laughing at a story Simone was telling, his eyes scanned down your frame quickly, lavender purple full briefs that came up to your waist, just below that glittering jem butterfly hanging from your belly button, a ruching detail at the front and a matching purple halter top to match. He had to look away before he began oggling at your round curves at the way the haltertop bikini pushed your tits up to each other, fuck he would have loved to kiss all the way down your throat and over your chest. 

“Ooh ‘fraid the kids are gonna walk in and be scarred for life by your pasty white ass?” Gareth laughed at his joke as his eyes flicked over to you too. “Pffft” Eddie deprecatingly shooed “Nah man, that hasn't been a risk for like ages” he took a large gulp of the cold beer in his hands “Now that I think about it, hasn't been a risk since like before christmas” 

“That's what marriage does to ya, too high on the feeling of new love and sparkly lights of wedding planning till they dim and she sees your ugly face at the altar” Gareth sat up to inspect Eddie slightly, Eddie laughed along with the others “Man shut up” he managed through a smile.”She's not pregnant is she?” Luke piped up as everyone was now looking over at the subject in question. 

From the corner of your eye you noticed the attention and turned slowly with a soft confused frown, Steve and Luke smiled at you as Jeff quickly averted his gaze, Eddie giving you a forced smile before he slapped Gareth's hand down which was waving at you, fingers wiggling as a seductive smiled painted his features. Your frown deepened as you awkwardly waved back and turned back to the other moms. 

Eddie's face switched from annoyed to questioning as he turned from Gareth to Luke “What?” his brows pinched as wrinkles formed on his forehead. “Well when Simone is pregnant she gets kinda distant, doesn’t wanna do anything” he further explained. “Nah man she’s not pregnant, she's got an implant” 

“Eh, dont beat yourself up about it, me and Nancy barely have any time for ourselves let alone fucking” Steve waved him off. “Yeah well she's had six kids, probably sick of your junk by now” Jeff chuckled, an eye roll from Steve in return. 

“I dunno, she's just busy, got alot on with work and the kids” he pushed his sunglasses further up his face as the sun resurfaced out of a cloud. He did not want to mention Greg and listen to Gareth's lude comments or let any of the others feed him delusions. You were not cheating. “Who knows, maybe she's sick of your junk too. Tell ya what, send her my way I’ll get her walking out a happy woman” Gareth smirked wickedly. “If you don't shut your mouth I’m gonna come over there and beat the shit out of you” he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees to look over at Gareth who put his hands up in surrender. 

“Apart from Steve am I the only one not getting some action” before Gareth had a chance to open his mouth Eddie pointed at him “and you shut up” he sneered. “I mean Ariana’s like 16 so she's never really home, so we do.. get the house to ourselves quite a bit..” Jeff answered sheepishly “Great” Eddie turned to Luke “Mine are fuckin’ 3 and 5 but I mean we have some time sometimes” Luke shrugged “How often is sometimes?” Luke cleared his throat and dropped his voice to an awkward tone “Like.. two… three times.. a week” he looked out at the water. 

“Jesus christ, so it's not like a normal thing?” he slumped back in his chair, looking back at you, smiling widely as you now stood splashing water at Roxette, not on the beach anymore. “Have you talked to her?” Jeff asked “I mean no not really, but she's made it obvious she doesn’t wanna do anything, so I've just kinda backed off” he looked back at his friend. “But you've tried like starting something?” “Yeah, less and less now but yeah” 

“You tried getting her drunk?” Gareth chuckled but fell dead silent as Eddie began to lean forward about to get up and smack him “Chill chill!” he held his hands out in front of him, awaiting the attack. “I just meant loosen her up a little, get her relaxed maybe put her mind off things” 

“You're a dick” Eddie flipped him off “He does kind of have a point, maybe she’ll relax a bit” Luke cleared his throat “We could I dunno all sit ‘round the fire after all the kids have gone to bed. Then she might not have to worry about that ya know?” 

“I mean I guess, but isn't that like a complete asshole move, get her drunk just so I can get her into bed?” he made a slight look of disgust at the thought “Not drunk, just a little I guess tipsy?” 

The conversation continued for a while before the topic changed to Jeff's new job, all sat in the sun basking in the light, soaking it up and talking about nonsense. Ophelia and Roxy came out of the water and Eddie watched as you dried them off lovingly and led them up to the house. He was nursing his fourth beer, head starting to go a little fuzzy as Simone too sent Tom and Oliver up to the house, Nancy was left throwing Bianca around in the water as the other three laughed and all shouted me! me! Me!’s, Dustin the two year old splashing happily by the waters edge. Simone and Tracy made their way up the sand to sit with the guys. 

Tracy told Jeff she was going to check on Ariana as Simone plopped herself down in Luke’s lap happily giving him a kiss following up with a giggle when she pulled back “Jesus how many beers have you drank”. She sat mostly quiet as they all continued, now about some recent U.S news, jumping in to add to the conversation as she draped her arm around Luke's shoulders. 

Eddie had his back to the house as he opened his fifth beer and leaning back even more into the chair, he didn't see as you came back out of the house walking down towards them. Only laying eyes on you as you rounded his chair at the end of the row of them facing the water, barely registering you before you stood before him. As the others continued talking he looked up at you expectantly, waiting for you to say something, assuming you had come to ask something of him. His heart skipped a beat as you inched closer to him, his fingertips grazing your thigh. “Can I sit?” you ask with a sweet smile, his cloudy brain was too gone with the cool fizzing beer to register that you had spoken as he broke out in a grin witnessing your happy face, it warmed him to see you, you being happy made him happy. He suddenly realised you had talked to him and shook his head attempting to look up at you more serious, you giggled softly at him as he straightened his face up, but hearing those sweet little noises of content made that dopey grin fall right back into place “I said, can I sit?” your voice was so sweet it made his whole brain stop. 

“Oh, yeah” he chuckled as he sat up properly, hands itching to touch you. His dopey grin became even dopier, even wider as you turned and bent down to place yourself in his lap, legs coming to curl up and feet slot between his thigh and the space under the armrest. When you settled Eddie’s hand holding his beer settled over your thighs and his other came around your waist, wrapping around you and pulling you towards him to lean against his chest. He almost died as he saw your smile widen at the action and nestle into him, and then even wider as he placed a kiss to your shoulder. He was on cloud nine at the fact that you were sitting in his lap, smiling away. You haven't sat in his lap for a long looong time and the fact that you did it so easily made his heart squeeze and his head spin. 

“Oh Simone you never got to tell me about your trip!” you exclaimed as the conversation quieted down “Oh right! So-” she began to recount her crazy trip to Japan she had taken a few weeks ago for work as Eddie took another sip of his beer, light shock painting his features as you took the bottle from him and took your own gulp while you listened intently. The sun was almost right behind Simone and you began to squint as you tried making eye contact with her, you turned to look down at Eddie for only a second before you realised he had his sunglasses on. Casually you reached up a hand to pull them off him and place them on your nose, Eddie chuckled at the action which made you giggle slightly as you continued listening. 

With no glasses on now, everything was a lot brighter, he settled into the new position and calmed down from his excitement and finally got a chance to register what you were wearing. A floral short white skirt he had seen before, he remembered well, because last time you had worn it was last year dropping the kids off at Steve’s for a sleepover. Oh he remembered it very well, last time your worn it you'd snuggled up to him on a blanket in the far end of the garden, hidden by trees and bushes, only to be seen from the house and gotten a little bit frisky, teasing turned to tickling which turned to Eddie lying on top of you pounding into you at a furious pace with your panties pushed to the side. 

The memories flooded back to him and he realised that if he just moved his hand on your waist down a little bit, and then a little bit more he would find the hem of it and could slip his hands under the fabric to rest his broad palm on the fat of your ass, give you a little squeeze. Before he had time to consider it his eyes cast a glance at your top. Fuck. That brown crochet halter top that he had seen you curled up on the couch making as you watched tv in late January. From his position he could see right over you, tits pushed together by the way the triangles tied behind your neck, could see that one little freckle he always liked to give a kiss, could see that little scar almost hidden on the right. Fuck he wanted to grab them, and kiss them, and suck on your nipples to draw that one little whine at first contact, no he wanted to watch them bounce up and down in you bra as you rode him, no! He wanted to watch them bounce up and down as he sat back on his calves thrusting into you so aggressively that your tits would bounce up and slap you in the face and make you roar out laughing, NO! he wanted to hover over your ribs as you looked up at him with that twinkle in your eyes as you held your tits together, mushing around his cock slipping back and forth in the lube he kept in his nightstand. FUCK. 

He had to look away, something, something that could find his attention, yes the tag on the bottle you were holding, yeah he was gonna read that. Now is not the time to get hard you asshole, she’s only just sat in your lap, for the first time in ages! on your dick… like right on it… no, fuck, you piece of shit, she’s gonna feel if you get hard and she’s not gonna be happy about it. Well she is smiling, she seems really happy.. Yeah so don’t ruin it fucker, remember last night? Yeah exactly. He was fighting with himself as he pretended to read the beer bottle, eyes following as it moved from its place on the arm rest with your hands loosely wrapped around it, followed it up to your lips as he saw you laugh and press your lips to the rim. 

Oh shit those lips he wanted to kiss so badly, wait maybe he could? That's ok right? Kissing? We still kiss? It's not like we don't kiss? Fuck it, if he wanted to kiss his wife, he was going to kiss his wife. 

As you brought the bottle back down to the armrest Eddie moved on instinct, his body working faster than his brain, his hand slunk out from under your arms and up to cup your cheek, causing you to turn to him in question, eyebrows raised awaiting him to say something. He didn't say anything, he only began to pull his hand back, slowly bringing you with him. He closed his eyes, it felt like forever, forever forever forever, until suddenly soft lips on his. Everything was in slow motion as if the world stopped around him as moisturised soft plump lips met his own, barely a craze, just a touch and then more, closer, lips pressing slowly to each other and then at its destination, pressed against your lips in a kiss that made him explode inside. Suddenly your lips drew back and so did you. 

It was just a peck, a simple peck, but it made his heart stop, as well as time, the world and just about everything else around him. A sigh escaped his chest in content as he opened his eyes to see you smile down at him, his own smile quickly matching yours before you drew back and looked back to Simone. His brain was swimming around in a pool in his head, everything was a daze as he watched you lick your lips and grin slightly, turning to him again to whisper “Taste like beer” that cute nose in a scrunch as you spoke to him. 

The daze halted as he chuckled “You too” which earned a smile from you and moved his hand back to splay across your thighs. Finally he turned to the rest of the group and lay notice to Steve a knowing wide grin directed at you, Simone in full ramble as Luke looked up at her in awe, Jeff listening in, and Gareth with an evil smirk on his lips, staring right at him. Eddie's smile faded and was replaced with a sneer directed towards his friend. Gareth's eyes flicked to you and back to Eddie as he mouthed an ooh which made Eddie's loose grip on you tighten immediately and pull you even closer to him, this time not easing up on his hold but insistent on holding you close, as if shielding you from Gareth. 

Lunch came along not soon after, thankfully not as hectic as breakfast as Dustin and Suzie had grilled a bunch of hotdogs of various diets and put them all on one table along with bread, ketchup, mustard and dried onions. Everyone free to get drinks out of the various coolers around the kitchen. 

The rest of the day was very similar to the morning, everyone hustled outside once the temperatures dropped a few degrees. Both you and Eddie had kept an eye on the girls as you mingled with all the parents and friends around the beach until eventually you walked up to Eddie placing your hand gently by his elbow to tell him you were going to go further up and lie down on a blanket and read in the grass. Eddie had taken the role of watching over the kids as they swam in the lake, at first only watching from the waters edge as he spoke to Dustin and Mike until he ran out on the jetty and cannonballed right next to Roxette, hitting the bottom immediately and landing right on his ass bouncing up to be splashed back in the face by Ophelia. She screamed in laughter as he picked her up and threw her away from him. 

When he came up again water dripping down his skin he rejoined Steve and Lucas, as Lucas turned to tell Max something Steve nudged him and cocked his head behind him to the grass “Your wifes asleep” he chuckled as he motioned for Eddie to see you on your stomach, face resting in your crossed arms and book falling from your loosened grasp on it. “Go, I’ll look after the kids” he grinned as Eddie turned back to him. “You sure? I don't wanna-” “Yes I’m sure, just go spend some quality time with your girl” he grinned “Doubt it’ll be much quality time seeing as shes passed out but yeah ok, thanks dude” Eddie patted him on the back as he trudged through the sand, grabbing his towel on the way and patting himself dry. 

Yup you were fast asleep he noticed as he got to the blanket and heard your soft snores, he bent down and picked your book up, dog earring the page, closing it and tossing it down into the grass. He groaned softly as he crouched down, falling flat onto his back next to you. Propping his head up on one hand while the other lay limp against his stomach he stared up at the sky through his now retrieved sunglasses. His gaze broke to turn and look towards you as he heard you stir in your sleep, you twisted your hips to pull the leg facing him up in a bend, knee nudging his hip. You seemed to relax for a few seconds before you grunted and turned to fully lay on your side, hands coming to press together and hold your head up only slightly. 

Once again you relaxed and Eddie watched you amused with a smile on his face until suddenly an annoyed groan left you and the hand not forced against the ground slipped out from under your head shooting out in search of something. You blindly slapped lightly at the blanket before moving and slapping again, and again until your pinky came in contact with his skin, you hand lifted and slapped lightly against Eddie's chest, he had to fight the snort that threatened to fall from his throat as he watched you. 

Finally your hand seemed to find the right place on his chest but surprisingly enough you didn't relax again, instead still hazy with sleep and with your eyes closed you moved on the blanket towards him, forcing your hips forward until you were flush against him. A heavy head thudded to his chest forced an oof to spill from his lips and a thick thigh moved and dropped heavily to drape across him. 

You nestled up against him and finally you seemed to relax. 

Eddie was beaming, the hand previously on his stomach searching for his towel to prop it up under his head and letting him wrap his arms around you to hold you to him. Soft breathing matched up to an even rise and fall of both your chests as Eddie soaked you up. The happiness he was feeling didn't last though, soon enough he too had fallen asleep under the hot sun and your skin against his. 

Both of you awoke with groans as something landed on you, a very wet, very excited Roxette. “Why are you sleeping it's swim time!” she squealed as she rolled off Eddie and sat up. You groaned in pain as you too sat up “Cuz mom and dad are tired Roxy, so please don't jump on us” you told her as you stretched, Eddie doing the same from the ground. “But mom I wanna go play!” she stood up jumping up and down “Ok ok I’m coming hang on” Eddie was about to say something when you stood up and were whisked away by his daughter. 

Dinner was tapas, everybody had brought a dish or some sort of food from the store ready to eat from the get go and was set up this time by someone other than Dustin and Suzie. You talked happily to Robin, Nancy, Will and his boyfriend Winter as you all set out plates, cutlery and food for tiny hands to grab excitedly. You ate in conversation with most of the hellfire club as you sat next to Eddie on a worn leather couch, pressing up to him and letting him give you the occasional kiss to your temple or lips, smiling the whole time. Eventually your plate was finished off and Eddie felt you slump against him after putting your plate on the table. His hand wrapped around your shoulders to rest your head on his for a while until eventually you leaned up and told him you were going to lay down for a bit. 

You left with a squeeze to your hand and a sympathetic smile from your husband. You were planning on just having a lie down or maybe a quick nap but suddenly your clothes were to hot and too tight and too stifling so you quickly changed out of them and threw on the same ragged t-shirt from last night, falling onto the bed, not getting too comfortable because you didn't really want to fall asleep. The universe didn't seem to hear you though and soon you were fast asleep on top of the bed. 

That's how Eddie found you after putting the kids to bed an hour later, knowing they wouldn't sleep with all the excitement of the other kids around but getting them to brush their teeth and change into their pyjamas. They had asked Eddie where you were and why you weren't saying goodnight so Eddie had to explain “Moms not feeling very well so she's resting but she’ll probably come say night night later”. When you told him you were going to your room it seemed like you just needed some quiet but that was clearly not the case when he found you like a log atop the covers. 

He sighed, you needed your rest, the past year of work was clearly catching up to you but yet again he couldn't help the slight disappointment when he found you, he'd gotten hopeful and excited from the day, you'd been a lot more touchy than you ever had been the past few months, cuddling up to him, stealing kisses and it seemed that whenever you were near him you had a need to have some sort of contact, whether it be pressed up against him or his arm around you or even just your hand on his arm or thigh but he had to accept that you were too tired and needed to sleep. 

Carefully he pulled the covers from under you and placed them back on you as you adjusted in your sleep to lie on your side. Just like yesterday he got in next to you and wrapped his arms around you as the big spoon. Falling asleep to the scent of your hair which his nose was nuzzled against. 

This morning the girls actually knocked, waking Eddie from his light slumber to hum a yes at them to come in. Slowly you roused and sat up in bed to listen to your two excited girls tell you all about the cup phones they all made yesterday after dinner and how they had them crisscrossed around the room to talk to each other as Eddie rounded the bed, giving a kiss to your forehead before leaving the room to take a shower. 

You were more relaxed at breakfast now that you knew what was coming and you even enjoyed it, sat at the dining table in conversation with Argyle and his girlfriend Eden, Winter and Jonathan's wife Charlotte who got the group's attention by balancing her cereal bowl on her 8 months pregnant belly which you found out would be her and Jonathan's fourth. 

Across the room Eddie sat in an armchair next to Steve and Gareth “So you and your girl seemed to be very close yesterday” Steve leaned over and dropped his voice, “Yeah pay off? She put out?” Gareth grinned “That threat of me beating you ass is still on the table” Eddie stared at Gareth who only chuckled “But to answer your question, no she was asleep by the time I got to our room” Eddie shrugged, even if Gareth could be an assshole when it came to women he didnt want it to show that he was disappointed, it would only egg him on. 

“Maybe we could do that bonfire thing tonight?” Steve suggested lightly “Besides I wouldn't mind some fun with Nance, she gets so exited when shes drunk its fuckin hilarious” he grinned and looked over towards how wife “Last time she was jumping around imitating a bunny she saw on kids tv” the other two laughed at the picture. 

“Sure, we’ll go into town get some drinks, I think Dustin said he only had beer” Eddie shrugged happily. 

Today was not the different from yesterday, things to do inside and people down at the beach splashing away. “Hey” Eddie bent down to talk to you as you sat on the couch playing shoots and ladders with a few of the kids after lunch “so were all having a bonfire night once the kids have gone to bed” Eddie smiled wide at your happy smile “so me and some of the guys are heading into town to pick some stuff up” you nodded and gave him a kiss before he headed off with Will and Dustin. 

Dinner passed and you were pleasantly surprised that tiredness hadn’t overcome you. All the parents tucked their kids into bed and made a clear point that if anything were to happen they were just outside and to come get them if they needed to. 

Eddie called your name with a yo you in here? as he knocked on the bathroom door nearest your bedroom, instead of answering him you unlocked the door and peeped out an intense stare directed his way “Sorry you can't come in without a warrant” you broke out into a grin as you went to shut the door, Eddies hand grasping onto the wood and forcing it open in a fit of giggles as you tried to fight him. Finally he stumbled in, almost knocking you over and catching you in his arms. 

He locked the door behind him as he looked down at you “Mmm you smell nice” he hummed as his eyes took in your bare face, damp to match you hair, you giggled “Just had a shower” you explained as you slid out of his hold to pick your clothes off the floor. Eddie was slightly miffed as you brushed past him in just your towel and unlocked the door but he followed nonetheless. 

Walking behind you as you tread carefully over the floorboards, hips swaying from side to side as you walked, Eddie leaned back to get a full view of you, hair wet and dripping water over your shoulders, thighs peeking out from under the towel, only long enough to cover your ass, eyes rolling to the back of his head as the towel pulled up slightly to reveal a peak of the bottom. Within an instant his hands circled your waist and picked you up, leaning back on his feet to pull you up off the floor. You squealed at him to let you down as you giggled, only dropping you back down to land softly when he thought he might fall over backwards from bending to steep. 

“What was that?” you whispered as you began walking again, Eddie awkwardly tumbling along with his arms still around you “You just looked so liftable” he whispered back biting your cheek mischievously. You snorted an ok and opened the door to your bedroom. 

Today you had been in a good mood, it seemed the long night sleep and absence of pressure to be productive had taken to you and you were still on a high from it. So pleased that you didn't even let your mind work up into a frenzy as Eddie let you go and flopped onto the bed. 

You didn't think anything of it as you dropped the towel to change, the fact that Eddie hadn’t seen you naked since before christmas didn't even cross your mind. 

Stood with your back to him you rooted through your bag to find a comfortable pair of sweats and a hoodie, preparing for the cold outside now that the sun had gone beyond the horizon. Eddie sat up straight in an instant. Eyes bulging wide and trained on you as the towel dropped to the floor when you found your clothes. He swallowed thick as you moved to another bag to look for underwear. 

Holy shit. You were naked, like fully naked, no towel, no nothing covering you. Fuck he hadn’t seen this sight in over six months and here you were bathed in the moonlight and dim lighting of the old ceiling lamp, gold cast over your body, spotlighting the smooth skin, and rolls of your back, the stretch marks and cellulite of your thighs, the dimples in your back, every little colour and inked tattoo that showed in your skin. All out for him to see, all for him. 

You turned with your clothes clutched to your chest to see a pin straight Eddie with wide awestruck eyes, mouth open in shock. “What?” you chuckled confused as you walked over to the foot of the bed, dropping your clothes onto the fabric. Eddie's brain stopped working as your front was revealed to him, soft breasts sloping down in a natural drop, a sliver of metal and nipples almost out of sight, round and calling to him like two beams of light in the night, your soft stomach spilling down, a patch of hair covering your puffy mound, framed by your soft doughy thighs. Fuck he just wanted to grip and suck and lick and kiss everything he saw right now, matter of fact he wanted to get down on his hands and knees and worship the ground you walked on as well as whatever higher entity out there that had created you. 

You started to grow slightly uncomfortable under his gaze, suddenly feeling extremely exposed, an urge to cover yourself growing strong. In a rush you reached for your underwear to pull the black brazilian cut lace panties over your ass and hips. You looked over at Eddie again to see his mouth open and close as he blinked, awfully resembling a fish, it only encouraged you to get dressed faster, clasping the black bra and spinning it around to pull the straps up your arms. Once again you looked at Eddie, whose expression still had not changed, you threw the t-shirt over your head and jumped into your sweats, pulling the hoodie over yourself as you looked back. “Umm” Eddie started but trailed off “I'm going to the bathroom” you blurted out and within seconds you had practically ran out of the door. 

Eddie stayed still, blinking and trying to wrap his head around what he had just seen. Finally he snapped out of it and shook his head, falling over on his side with a loud groan, pulling at the sheet to cover his face. What is wrong with you?! Your wife is naked for the first time in fucking forever and you just sit there?! He groaned even louder as he smushed his face into the comforter. 

Finally you came to the realisation that you had just been naked in front of Eddie for the first time in a really long time, you rushed back into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet with your face in your hands. Well clearly you weren't just ugly on the inside now, you were ugly on the outside too. Why else would he just sit there and stare at you like you'd grown a second head? UGH what were you going to do?! You had finally loosened up, you were happy within yourself for the first time in ages and felt comfortable around Eddie again, you clearly should have had more control over yourself. He no longer found you attractive, Jesus Christ why were you kidding yourself?

A knock on the door broke you out of your spiral as you weakly asked a yes, the person outside of the door cleared their throat. It was Eddie. Oh, no, no no no no no. “Um, uh you wanna go down? Uh Mike just said the fire is lit” his voice sounded strained, uncomfortable. He was uncomfortable because he’d seen you naked and didnt like it, and now you had nowhere to hide AAAARGHHHH. “Yeah sure” your voice was broken as you spoke. 

Slowly slowly you stand, slowly slowly you step towards the door, and slowly slowly you turn the nob. Eyes pinned to the floor as you walk out of the door, you see Eddie's feet as you walk past them and walk down the hall, you hear him follow behind you. This is the worst feeling, so much worse than coming home late from work hungry, or being in too big of a crowd, or too tight clothes on a hot sweaty day, this unease is so much worse. 

Time ticks by slowly as you feel like you're walking to your execution, feet dragging across the floor shameful as Eddie walks behind you. Anxiety, heartbreak, stress, unease, insecurity all bubble up in your chest, threatening to bubble up to the surface through hot tears if you let yourself. You feel it in your chest, plummeting down to your stomach and spreading all through your body like slim black vines as if a disease, darkening everything inside you. Until a touch, a slight intentional braze of fingers that send sparks, gold touching at your hip and overpowering some of the black. Gold vines take over throughout your hip as you feel a soft hand grasp onto it, guiding you down the stairs. 

Another spark of gold bleeding out into your vines on the other as Eddie holds softly onto your hips as your feet hit the ground floor. Gold vines that threaten to overpower the black and meet in the middle just below your belly button. Your breath hitches and speeds up in anxiety. 

One hand leaves your hip and the gold dies off as quickly as it came, as the first on your right hip slips to hold the small of your back, the gold follows, bleeding from its starting point and stretching as you bend down to slip into your sneakers. The hand never wavers as Eddie leans down to slip his own shoes on, the heat from it causing the gold to continue without the order of touch, spreading slowly through your back, creeping up your spine in a shiver. 

He opens the door to near 20 people scattered around a brazen fire, reds and oranges contrasting the deep dark blues of the sky and the shade its cast around them all. You step cautiously down the now dark green stairs, feet hitting the gravel before they hit grass as you veer off to the side away from the parking lot. “Hey” Eddie whispered beside you as you walk, coming to a stop as you turn to look up at him. Eyes glassy and scared at what his words might do to you. Just as he opens his mouth “Hey!” Robin runs over and pulls you off by the arm so she can show you something. 

Eddie stands frozen, What just happened? he was about to apologise to you for being so weird. His feet drive him forward however and before he can think it over he’s by the mass of people, eyes zoning in on the table of drinks set up he makes a beeline for it. Pouring a shot of tequila he downs it, and then a second, before he can get ahead of himself he picks up a beer can, popping the tab he scans the crowd. His eyes find Steve not far away and quickly he's marching over “I need to talk to you” he says with a grip on the man's arm almost pulling him away from the scene. 

A few metres away from the nearest cluster of figures he stops “Dude what's up?” Steve chuckles, confused “I just saw her naked” is all Eddie can say, Steve's confusion just deepens on his face “For the first time in over like six months” he widens his eyes willing Steve to understand. “Oh, oooh how’d it go?” Steve grins. “Fucking terrible!” Eddie shouts exasperated, quickly straightening up with eyes wide turning to see if someone heard. Everyones too fixated on their own conversation as he looks over at the people around the campfire but he finds you at the drinks table with Robin and Nancy cheering you on as you seem to be taking three shots in a row. 

He turns back to Steve “How was it terrible?” Stevs confused again as he stares up at the taller man “Because Steve, she took her towel off and I just sat there” Steves face shows once again that he doesn’t understand “I just sat there, gawking at her like I’d never seen tits before, like some fuckin’ teenager” he grits. “Oh. Wait so walk me through it” he took a swig of his own can, some fruity cider. “Ok. So she was in the room, well actually, no, here” Steve frowns at Eddie's backtracking “So she was in the bathroom so I knocked on it and she stuck her head out grinning saying I needed a restraining order” Steve smirked but chose not to make a comment “And so she liked tried to close the door and I tried to open it and get in. Ah before you say anything it was just like flirty fun, nothing weird” Steve nodded “And she was all giggly, then we left the bathroom and I like picked her up and she was all giggly then too” “Ok ok” Steve nodded along “Then when we got to the room I just sat on the bed and she just like dropped the towel while she was looking for her clothes, then she turned and I think she said something I can't remember, but then she started like pulling all her clothes on, said she was going to the bathroom and ran off” he finished his recounting of the recent events with a few large gulps of his beer, almost downing half of it. 

“Sounds like you freaked her out dude. Did you like explain why you were being so weird?” Steve tipped his head back to finish the rest of his cider. “Well I was gonna but then Robin just came up and ran off with her” both of them looked over to see you now stood with Robin, Nancy, Max and El a large glass of wine in your hand. 

“Just go up and talk to her now, explain” Eddie screwed his face up at the thought of pulling you away to awkwardly explain why he just sat there “Listen, Nancy gets insecure about her body sometimes maybe she is too” Steve shrugged as they looked back to each other “She's like never ever insecure though, and I don't even think its hiding, she likes her body ya know” the rest of Eddies beer was slung down his throat. “Yeah but you might have made her insecure dude” “Ugh don't say that!” Eddie groaned, his beer was gone he needed something to fiddle with, to distract him, patting his pockets he found his packet of cigarettes, ones he usually kept out of view so the kids wouldn't see him smoking. He flicked his zippo and took a long breath once the cigarette was lit. 

“I’m serious dude, it's not just the first time you've seen her naked it's the first time she's been naked in front of you, might be kinda scary” 

“Since when do you know all about women?”

“Wel-” 

“Don't start” Eddie held his finger up to silence him. 

“Just go talk to her ok?” 

“Fine, but I’m gonna finish this up first, think you can go get me a beer? Don't really wanna look like im ignoring her” 

“Sure” Steve walked off as Eddie turned his back to the fire to crane his neck back in frustration, looking up at the sky. 

“Steve used to be like that with me” Nancy giggled in the huddle as Steve walked up to grab a beer and another cider. “I used to be like what?” he grinned as he leaned over the table “Butt out dingus” Robin stuck her tongue out “Nothing babe” Nancy hid a grin behind her solo cup as she looked away. Steve narrowed his eyes in suspicion at his wife “It's just girltalk” you smiled at him which made Steve's face break out into an expression you couldn't read. 

“Alright well” Steve spun on his heel and  power walked back to Eddie “You better talk to her now, I’m pretty sure I overheard the girls talking about it” Steve rushed as he forced the cold can into Eddie's hands. “Oh for fucks sake” he groaned as he took the beer and began walking over to the table. He saw as Robin awkwardly hushed the group as she laid eyes on him which made his nerves bubble up, yeah they were definitely talking about it. 

“Drink all that beer that fast?” Robin chuckled as Eddie neared “Mmhmn no” Eddie held his unopened can up for show as he arrived behind you “Can I talk to you?” he bend down as he dropped his voice lower, breath fanning over your ear as he spoke. “Ok” you whispered back meekly. He had no idea about girl code, and had absolutely no clue what the looks all the others were giving you meant as you set your plastic wine glass on the table and turned to walk away from them. 

You walked silently side by side as he nonverbally steered you towards the cars, the three shots and half glass of wine causing for a pleasant buzz, dampening some of the anxiety you felt “Um you want a beer?” he asked quietly as he held out the can towards you when you came to a stop by your own car “No thanks” you mumbled as Eddie seemed to cage you in at the hood of the car. You frowned surprised when he flung the can behind him to softly roll into the grass, he needed his hands free for this and he hadn't had a chance to drink it before he came over. 

“So what you wanna talk about?” you fiddled with the string of the cuffs of your worn out hoodie which was actually Eddies as you leaned back to prop yourself slightly on the hood of the car. “Um I just wanted to uh tell you I'm sorry for just like sitting there super awkward before” he looked down at you as you stared into his stomach unwilling to meet his gaze. “If I’m being honest I was just like shocked, we haven't really uh done.. that, in like a long time and it was just sudden” he saw you physically curl in on yourself which made him freak out “No no not like bad sudden, good sudden” you finally met his gaze, looking up at him confused “Fuck, I just mean like I’ve missed you and my brain just like short circuited” he tried to get you to understand. 

A breath he didnt know he had been holding finally escaped his lips as he saw a small smile tug on your lips “I dont wanna make you like uncomfortable, but when I saw you I was just like, holy fuck, she’s naked and I think this is the best thing I’ve ever seen” the grin that spread on his face was a relieved one as you snorted a laugh “Im serious, like baby” his hands came to rest on your shoulder “You are so fuckin’ sexy and just every part of you is like some greek goddess has sculpted you or something. I’m totally ok with us not being intimate, even though I do miss you I just want you to feel safe and comfortable, and for you to be happy but I really do miss you. Obviously I miss you like as a person, you're my wife, and the mother of my children and I love you so much, but like above that fuuuuuck I miss being with you” he groaned as he thought about how long it had been. 

Something swelled within you at his words, you wanted to laugh at his phrasing of being sculpted by a greek goddess but the meaning behind the words were just too flustering and sincere. And following up with that stupid wording he knew made you weak in the knees, mother of my children, yeah you liked that. You were the mother of his children, his wife. 

“I’m sorry” you whispered as Eddies hands travelled down to rub up and down your arms “It’s just been a lot recently, in my head and work and all and I pushed you away I’m sorry” Eddie manoeuvred his knee to push yours apart so he could stand between them and be closer to you “Don’t say sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for. We’ve both just been shit at telling each other things” as he towered over you you craned your neck back to see him properly, a grin spread across your face as you said in a whiny voice “Communication is key”. 

Eddie laughed and brought his arms to wrap around your shoulders, pressing your face into his chest as he hugged you, kissing the top of your head as your own arms wrapped around his waist. You both lingered for a while as you hugged each other tight until Eddies arms loosed and he pulled back to look down at you again “While I do want to know what's been going through your pretty little head lately, why don't we go enjoy the fire and talk more when we get back?” you nodded with a smile. Eddie turned to walk back with you but spun around as you called his name. “One more thing” “Mm?” you grasped onto the fabric of his sweatshirt and pulled him down towards you. 

Lips meeting his in a desperate hungry kiss you wrapped your arms around Eddie's neck as his hands went to your hips, holding you softly to keep himself upright. He thought you were just going in for a long kiss when you broke off but soon enough your lips were back on him again as your fingers snaked through his locks. Another kiss and a tug at his hair had him groaning into your mouth as his hands squeezed tighter at your hips. A few more kisses and he felt your tongue poke softly at his lips telling him to open them. He pulled you flush against him as tongues swiped at each other, his hands moving from your hips past your back to grab angrily at you ass, pulling you up to stand and pushing your hips against his, forcing his hard cock against your mound, groaning at the contact and pressing even harder against you. 

You pulled away from his lips and quickly out of his grasp “Ok now I’m happy” you laced your fingers with his as he stood dumbstruck, you began walking pulling him along with you “What??” his voice was slightly loud as he stumbled along after you “What? I said one more thing, that was my thing” you turned to grin at him wickedly “Oh you little-” he let go of you to run after you and lift you up off your feet as you squealed. The second he let you down you ran off with Eddie hot on your tail, tackling you almost immediately and turning you in his hold to face him so he could attack your hips with wiggling fingers, laughing as you shrieked from the tickling. 

He ceased his attack on your sides as you stepped closer to the group, wrapping his arms around you once again and stepping up behind you to join the group around the drinks table. Steve gave him a knowing smirk as you bent over still attached to Eddie to retrieve a beer for him from the cooler on the ground and your wine, you giggled as he shoved the hand hold the ice cool beer under your hoodie to press against your warm stomach, fighting to move his hands away from you. “OOH smores! Come on!” Robin beckoned the group to sit in the half circle of logs around the fire, all squeezing together to fit as Robin planted herself on the ground to fish marshmallows out of ita bag. 

“May I interest you in a shot of everclear mi ladies?” Gareth grinned as he stumbled over to you, Eddie, Nancy and Steve on one of the longs “Nah nah” Eddie waved the hand not wrapped around you in dismissal, “We got kids you dummy, gotta get up in the morning” Steve rolled his eyes at him. “More for me!” Gareth swiped all four each one after the other “I am NOT on duty to take care of this one!” Eddie held a hand up in the air as Gareth finished his last one. “Whaaaat? You don't wanna be my daddy?!” Gareth whined as he toppled over onto Eddie, Eddie’s hand coming to push him off, pressing hard against his stomach while everyone else laughed. 

“Go sit down you drunk” Eddie motioned for Gareth to sit down next to Steve. “Oh hey Rob’s can you get me a vodka coke?” You smiled as the woman in question pushed herself off the ground, she gave you a thumbs up as Eddie leaned in “Vodka? How much have you drank already?” His breath fanned once again against you ear as he spoke to you in a low murmur “Eh its fine, I’m not planning on getting drunk” you waved him off “Mhm” Eddie hummed sarcastically as you grinned up at him. 

“Jesus Robin how much did you put in here” your face scrunched up as you took a sip, you didn't particularly mind the taste of alcohol but you hadn't expected it to taste so incredibly strong “Like 80% vodka 20% coke” she grinned a dopey mischievous grin as she found her seat again “Chug it ya wont taste it” her grin widened even more “Come on chug chug chug!” she clapped her hands together as a few of the girls chimed in “You don't have to” Eddie searched your face with serious eyes “No no it's fine” your grin matched Robins as you looked up at him before swallowing the whole of the contents in the red solo cup. You cheered along excitedly as you crushed it and threw it down onto the ground. 

Eddie felt you sway slightly as you sat up straight, well it seemed like the getting tipsy had gone a little too well, no doubt by the end of the evening you would be hammered and pass out again on the bed. It's fine he told himself, we’ll just do something.. another day.  “Yo lets go get the chairs it's getting kinda cramped over here” Dustin walked over with Lucas and Mike on his tail “Oh sure. You gonna be ok?” he bent down to ask you as you stared up at the sky in a daze. “Huh? Oh yeah yeah” yup you were definitely drunk as you tried to focus your eyes on his face, he had a slight suspicion Robin hadnt put one single brand of vodka in your cup before handing it to you. “Nance could you..” he trailed off as he motioned to you, asking her to keep an eye on you, she nodded happily as he stood up, hands hovering around you to make sure you didn't fall over. 

When he saw you could sit by yourself he grabbed into his sweatshirt by the collar and pulled it over his head, the fire was getting too warm for him, dropping it down next to you to occupy his place he got up and followed the others down to the edge of the beach.

“Oh!” you squealed as you planted a hand on his hoodie to feel the square cardboard box, digging through his pocket in mass concentration you managed to free the cigarettes and flipped open the top to see his zippo and a few cigarettes. Pulling the zippo and a cigarette out you turned to face Nancy, Tracy and Simone again as you lit the cigarette. Happily taking the next red solocup handed your way by Tracy. Taking a long breath and giggling as the nicotine swam up to your head, mind feeling floaty as you swayed from side to side, even more so as you sipped what seemed to be more vodka coke, this time not as strong. 

“Aw man who let you-” Eddie cut himself off as returned a few minutes later, plucking the zippo and carton out of your hands after placing a chair down in the half circle of logs. You cackled as you watched him shove the packet out of view, this time into his jeans “Baby you know how you get when you smoke drunk” he grabbed into your free hand helping you stand up as you sucked down your second cigarette, almost empty solo cup left behind on the log. He led you back to the chairs to see one empty chair left “Really dude?” Gareth grinned as he spread out into the chair next to the empty one, revelling in Eddie's annoyance “Fine” Eddie breathed “Wait here” he told you as he turned to get his sweatshirt. 

Gareth mumbled something to you as you swayed, trying not to fall over “What?” you almost shouted as you leaned forward, placing your hands on the armrest of Gareth's chair and dropping your head down to hear him. He said something again but your mind was too  fuzzy to understand as you brought the cigarette back up to your lips. “Gareth stop flirting with my wife” you heard Eddie grit behind you as his hands slithered around your hips to bring you down with him as he sat down in the chair. “Whoo!” you squealed as you fell into Eddie's lap, flinging your hands into the air as if you were on an amusement park ride. 

When you’d brought them back down you took another drag of the cigarette, closing your eyes as you exhaled, falling backwards onto Eddie's shoulder as your head began to spin back and back with the kick. 

Eddie chuckled as he plucked the tobacco from your fingers and began talking to Will and Winter, he knew this was going to happen, everytime you drank and smoked your head began to spin, same with weed and smoking, if he wasn't careful enough you would fall flat on your ass with the dizziness. Suddenly you shot up, leaning forward “Oh Ophi loves that magazine!” you must have picked up on Winter talking about some fashion magazine Eddie hadn't heard of before. Soon you were in a deep conversation about the fashion industry and how hiphop had had an effect on it but within seconds Eddie zoned out. 

You kept swaying back and forth, body vibrating with laughter as you flung yourself from side to side varying between leaning over to listen intently as catching up with your brain to form words. You were clearly quite out of it, wrapped up in your conversation and thinking nothing of it but Eddie did. The first few times you moved he didn't pay it any mind, but soon you were almost squirming above him, no longer just swaying but moving your ass, soon enough you were situated right on his crotch. 

Eddie tried to pay attention to what Will was telling him, he really did but you just kept moving around, pressing even harder against him as you relaxed and dropped your weight down. The friction was just too much. Can she feel this? Does she even know she's moving so much? No she can’t feel I’m hard she’s too drunk. Fuck please don’t realize, shit. He wrapped his arms tighter around you, subtly trying to press you up against him more. What are you doing there’s people around! Fuuuuuck, you moved a little just as he pulled you flush to his chest and now he was situated right between your cheeks, pressure coming from all sides. He snapped his head when he heard you hum, could you actually feel him? Were you doing this on purpose? 

Suddenly you turned your head and before he even had a chance to think about it your lips were on his in a hard kiss. As you broke apart he pulled away to frantically look around, Will and Winter were no longer next to you, he noticed them at the drinks table, now talking to Suzie, everyone else were in conversation all in their own worlds, drinking or making smores. Gareth had passed out next to him, Steve listened with a grin as Nancy talked excitedly, Jonathan and Charlotte were whispering to each other, matching smiles as their noses pressed to each others. 

He found your eyes again, looking down at him with a drunken smile, eyes darting down to his lips with your pupils blown wide as glossed over, he gulped. That was a sight he hadn't seen in a long time, the want, need, in your eyes as you looked at him. You leant down again, capturing him in a sloppy kiss, he groaned into your mouth as you wriggled in his lap, turning to face him better. Hands coming up to wrap your arms around his shoulder as you sat twisted to face him. Lips smacking against each other desperately, hands planting firmly on your hips and squeezing, trying to twist you, and pull your chest to his. 

Finally you broke apart with a heavy breath, Eddie's closed eyes opened slowly to admire your face with a smile. Before he had the chance though, you were sliding off him and getting to your feet with a grin, Eddie groaned and toppled over, hands coming to his crotch as his forehead almost nudged his knee. It had been a natural reaction, to cover his boner, now that he had he realised hiding it just made his problem all the more noticeable. He gave Steve the finger as he cackled at him just as you skipped off saying something about getting a drink. 

Clearing his throat he had no other option but to follow his drunken wife, he reached for his sweatshirt that had been hung on the armrest and pulled it over him, making an effort to pull it down low in the front. Reluctantly he pulled himself out of the chair, his slow steps turning into large strides as he saw what you were doing. Within a second he was next to you pulling the bottle of everclear out of your hands “Hey!” you whined as you set your solo cup down. “Babe this is 95% alcohol, and I am not having you throw up all over me tonight” he set the bottle down and gathered you in a hug.

“Mean, you dont wanna take care of me? I see how it is” you joked as you made a show of untangling yourself from him, only making Eddie hold onto you tighter. “Of course I wanna take care of you” I’ll show you how fucking good I can take care of you “But I’d rather have you not throw up if I can” you made a mocking whine which caused a chuckle bubble up from Eddies chest. 

“Let's get you some juice or something yeah?” he grinned down at you as you nodded “Jesus christ all these drinks and not a single thing alcohol free” he frowned as he inspected the table, all the mixers now gone. “There's some cartons inside” Dustin chipped in “Thanks dude”.

So Eddie was turning you in his arms to hold at your hips as he led you steadily up to the house, laughing as you stumbled and almost tripped over your own feet, slowly he led you up the steps and through the door. “Okay” he breathed as he walked you to the kitchen island, wrapping his arms around your waist and lifting you up to sit on the wood “Oh my god!” you squealed as he lifted you “I forgot you could do that! Do it again!” you squealed. Eddie shushed you quietly “I will if you keep your voice down a little, the kids are asleep downstairs” he pecked your lips as he turned to open the fridge “Oh riiiight” you leaned towards his back with an exaggerated whisper. 

Just as Eddie turned he saw you about to fall over the edge, shooting a hand out to catch your arm, placing the juice on the table and coming around to hold onto both your arms and coax you upright. “Ok my little fall risk whose like a newborn baby that can't support its head” you snorted loudly as Eddie grabbed the juicebox next to you and poked the straw through the seal. Legs pressing up against the table to stand between your thighs, keeping you sitting up “Here, drink this” he held out the juicebox to you, which you took and drank all within one breath, slurping noises within the carton as you finished it. 

Wiping your mouth you looked back up to him with a wide grin, collapsing into his chest and mushing your cheek to the green fabric. Eddie chuckled as his hands came to circle your back “I think it's time for you to go to bed yeah?” he whispered as you pushed yourself closer to him humming in agreement “But you have to carry me” Eddie laughed. He hadn’t carried you for a while, but he’d like to think he was still strong enough, lean muscles hidden under all his clothes from hard work at the auto shop. The only thing was that you were very drunk and he was afraid he’d drop you. “Ok” he whispered, marvelling in your giggle as he bent his knees and wrapped his arms around your thighs, throwing you over his shoulder. 

“What? You told me to carry you” he drummed on your ass as he began walking past the dining table earning a drunken laugh from you. 

Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs and down the hall, throwing you playfully onto the bed, just as he was about to pull away from you to stand up two hands fisted at his sweatshirt, pulling him onto the bed sloppily as your lips connected to his. As you continued kissing him he moved, never disconnecting his lips from yours as he lay himself between your thighs. 

His brain stopped as he heard your soft moan against him as he pushed himself flush against your clothed cunt. He needed to hear that sound again. He thrusted his hips hard against yours to hear your moan again this time slightly louder, quick to muffle it by kissing you harder. One of his hands on your hips travelled quickly under your hoodie to first at your breast over your bra. FUUUUUCKKK he hadn’t gotten to feel your tits in so long and now that he did it felt like fucking heaven. 

Grabbing onto you desperately as he set a pace of thrusting his hard cock against you, sloppily swiping his tongue against yours. Soft groans and moans from both of you muffled by each other as you made out. Eddie couldn't begin to explain how good this felt, kissing you, touching you, it was too much for him. His pace quickened against you as you pulled at his hair, other hand pulling at the hem of his sweatshirt. Getting the hint he sat up on his calves to rip his shirts off, cock throbbing with eagerness as your hands travelled lightly over his happy trail, past his stomach and up his chest, hand grabbing at his neck pulling him back to you. 

His lips connected to yours again as he cupped your face and let your hand trail up his side and grip at his shoulder. He pulled away to breathe, staring down at your face, eyes blown wide and filled with lust, kiss bitten lips, hips squirming for friction against him. You were drunk, he knew he shouldn't be doing this when you were drunk but he couldn't help himself, he hadn't felt you in ages and now that he’d gotten a taste he couldn't stop himself. 

Sitting up again he pulled at your hoodie, urging you to sit up so he could pull it off you, nimble fingers eagerly unclipping your bra before pushing you back against the bed. Breath cut short as his nose pushed against your cheek and his lips connected to yours. His hips gave a particularly hard thrust as his hand went back to squeezing at your now naked breast, barbell piercing pinched between his fingers as his other hand propped him up, causing you to moan against him as the zipper of his jeans caught against your clit, igniting a fire within your core you hadn't felt for a while. 

Your moan egged him on to thrust even harder as his lips relentlessly kissed yours. He heard a knock at the door but chose to ignore it, he had you here, in your bed for the week, topless, kissing him, moaning for him, wanting him, there was nothing he would do to stop this moment. The knock came again and he pulled away yelling an angry “WHAT?!” into the room. Aggravated and annoyed that there was something outside of this room, the world that had stopped around him, that needed him more than you did right now, more than he needed you. 

It showed on his face, the annoyance which dropped immediately as well as his heart as he heard the low scared whisper “Daddy?” his forehead dropped to yours as he closed his eyes, breathing out a sigh “Yeah?” he called without moving from his comfortable position against you. “Um.. I peed” the voice whispered shamefully, Roxette on the other side of the door, no doubt clutching her teddy bear close to her as she called for her dad. 

Eddie sighed against you as you let out a low giggle, the whole situation was kind of funny. Eddie straining against his jeans and boxers, frustrated and only thinking of you naked below him and his daughter interrupting to tell him she peed herself. 

“Coming!” he moved slightly above you, staring down in to your eyes as he whispered “Don't go anywhere I’ll be right back” a hard kiss to your lips as he scrambled off you, making no effort to cover his bare chest as he walked to the door, opening it and slipping out you heard Roxy on the other side of the door ask curiously “Where’s mom?” “Uh she’s sleeping”. Boner gone, and everything else that surrounded you, gone for the moment as he took his daughter into the bathroom, placing her in the shower as he ran to retrieve a fresh change of clothes and bedding in your room, groaning as he saw you now on the bed in only a pair of panties. Rushing as fast as he could to change the sheets, his daughter and then soak them all off and hang them up outside to dry. 

The five minutes he thought it would take stretched to a near half hour as he was caught up having to explain to multiple people why he was hanging bedding up and then staying with Roxette as she begged him to stay till she drifted off. 

Finally he made it back to your room, taking a heavy breath in preparation before opening the door, heart dropping as he found you naked atop the covers, on your side, and fast asleep. 

He loved his daughters but could they be more of a cockblock?! He went through the same motions as yesterday, tucking you in and shuffling in next to you to wrap his arms around you. He had to remind himself that there were five days left of this trip, plenty of opportunities to get you alone.

You woke up confused, head throbbing and.. naked? Why were you naked? You frowned as you tried to remember last night: Getting dressed and feeling insecure, shots, talking to Eddie about it, more drinking, something in the kitchen and oh right you and Eddie made out shirtless but you couldn't remember anything else. “Hey Eddie” you nudged the man behind you who groaned “Eds” your shook him slightly “What?” he grumbled behind you “Did we have sex last night?” you turned in his arms to face him as he opened his eyes “We were about to but Roxette peed herself” he murmured, there was a hint of annoyance and frustration in his voice as he recounted last nights events before nuzzling into your shoulder and pulling you tighter against him. “Oh” you breathed as you hand found his back, “Total cockblock” he mumbled against your skin drawing a snort from your throat.

So you were about to have sex with Eddie last night, for the first time in over six months. You found as you thought about it that you weren’t totally against that idea, it felt strange thinking about it, for so long you’d set up walls to block him out and now you felt like you didn't want them there anymore. They were in your way. 

A knock at the door pulled you out of your thoughts “Just a minute baby!” you called as you scrambled to get away from Eddie, turning to look down at the floor, Eddie's Metallica t-shirt that lay inside his sweatshirt was the closest, you hastily pulled it to you, throwing it over your head as you sat up against the headboard. “Yeah come in!” you called to the door as you felt Eddie's hand fall limp on your thigh. 

Ophelia and Roxette shuffled through the door, Ophelia going straight for her clothes and Roxette climbed onto the bed, laying her head in your lap and onto Eddie's hand. “Dad moooove” she shoved at his hand as he grunted in his sleep, flicking his hand in an attempt to move her head away “Daaad” she whined as she pushed at his hand, his hand slid down to hold your knee instead. 

“I heard you had a little accident, you ok baby?” you stroked her hair as she settled back in your lap “Mm peed myself” she pouted “But no one saw so I think its ok” she told you. “And your dad cleaned you up you ungrateful” Eddie mumbled the rest of his sentence into the pillow as he rolled onto his stomach. “Oh, yeah dad helped” 

Soon enough everyone was dressed and downstairs, “So!” Dustin clapped his hands together, gaining the attention of the room “Today is waterpark day!” he referred to the plan he had already set in place. Kids excitedly shovelling food into their mouths after the walkthrough of the day before running to their parents rooms to get dressed and ready. 

Roxy was very excited about her new swimsuit, a blue flowery two piece with a blouse resembling top, but huffed when Eddie told her to come over so he could put sunscreen on her before they went out because she’d want to jump in the water as soon as they got to the waterpark. 

Bags were packed, cars were started and everyone changed as 10 cars and two minivans rolled out onto the road. Setting up camp in a cluster of beach chairs under parasols plans were made. All the kids were very excited, making it quite difficult to get them all gathered and keep them from running off. “Mom I don’t wanna wear the floaters!” Roxette whined as you blew the arm puffs up for her. “Baby you have to” popping the cap closed you started with the other “But Ophelia doesn’t have hers!” She stomped on the ground “Yeah but Ophelia's older she knows how to swim” you explained as you coaxed her over to stand between you knees “I can swim too! No! I don’t wanna!” She ripped her arm away from you as you held it “Baby look a bunch of the other ones are wearing them” you pointed over at the other parents putting arm puffs on their own kids, Eddie stood nearby lathering sunscreen on your eldest. “Fine!” She whined as she let you pull one up her forearm “Be good and you’ll get an ice cream later” you grinned as her face broke out into a toothy smile “Ok!” She happily accepted her fate and let you put the other arm puff on her. 

Argyle and Eden excitedly signed up for chaperoning the kids as well as Robin and a cautious Vickie, Lukas, Mike, Dustin and Suzie joining in as they set off with the kids for a waterslide, Steve and Eddie telling them they would catch up with them. 

You, Nancy, Simone, Tracy, her daughter Ariana, El, Max and Charlotte all huddled together on the beach chairs, lounging as you looked over the waterpark. Will and Winter walked off to get some fancy waterpark drinks that caught their eye as Eddie, Steve, Luke, Gareth and Jeff looked over the map of the waterpark. 

“Oh what a beautiful day!” Nancy smiled brightly as she sat down with baby Dustin in her lap, Simone undid her beach wrap and sat down in a cheeky black bathing suit with straps lining up to her hips, halter top neckline with an open back. “Oh it is hot!” she commented as a few of the other girls cheered at her. “We really doing bathing suits?” Charlotte asked cautiously “Oh come on girls we don't know these people who cares?” Simone smiled brightly as she took her sunglasses off and dropped them onto her wrap on the ground, “Yeah you're right who cares? I've been working on this six pack all spring!” Charlotte pulled her cover up off, thrusting her pregnant belly for show under her punch pink pregnancy dress bathing suit “Yeah baby got front!” she laughed as the girls cheered her on, “Come on Y/N its your turn to strip!” she grinned as she sat back down “Oh no I don't know” you shyed away. 

The swimsuit you were wearing today was not one you were extremely comfortable in, it had been a gift from your friend and you brought it with you just in case, but your bikini had been haphazardly shoved into a ball in your room out of sight and out of mind and therefore not washed deeming it unwearable as it began to smell. This one was a blood red one piece instead, the hem was high on your hips and practically a thong at the back, low cut in the back and round cups pushing your tits together above an upside down triangle showcasing some skin and the undersides of your boobs. “Oh come on! Like Simone said no one cares!” Nancy grinned as she clapped, the others joining in and clapping along. “Oh ok!” they cheered as you stood up and made a show of dropping your towel and filing it onto your chair, even going as far as a little spin. 

Not far away Gareth whistled, causing the group of guys bent over the map to look up, Eddie with his back to you asked “What?” following Gareth's eyes, turning around to see you throwing your towel away and spinning around. He swallowed. Have I seen that before? I don't think so, is it new? his eyes scanned your body, cheeky thong tucked between your ass cheeks, tits pushed together round. “You sure you still set on this marriage thing? Cuz if not I’ll happily take her off your hands. Get her on her knees for me.” Eddie turned back around to see Gareth grinning. 

“Alright that's enough” Eddie lunged “No!” Gareth screeched as he ducked and took off towards you all, scuttling between plastic lounge chairs to stand behind yours which you now occupied. Eddie stopped by your feet as Gareth hopped from side to side “What’s going on?” you asked confused, other girls chiming in as Eddie matched Gareth's movements “If you say one more word I will personally see to it that you're six feet under by the end of the day” Eddie gritted through his teeth. “Eddie!” you shouted, shocked at his words. 

Gareth suddenly became bold “Nah you're too much of a softy” he grinned as he stilled and leaned over the back of your chair, making a show of peeping down you to look at your tits “HEY! Stop looking at my wife!” he shouted, making you turn in confusion to look up at Gareth who quickly disappeared out of view as he ran again. Eddie followed him shouting “You wanna see how much of a softy I am?!” and just like that both of them were out of sight. 

You turned back to the rest “What was that?” they all shrugged telling you how they had no clue, you sighed and stood up walking over to Steve. “Can you tell me what's going on?” you crossed your arms, sweet Steve looking you directly into the eye as he awkwardly murmured “Uh Gareth said some things that upset Eddie so” he shrugged “What did he say?” you frowned “Uh you don't wanna know” Steve brought a hand up to rub at his stubble. Rolling your eyes you walked off in search of Eddie, who was now running through a children's pool. 

“Eddie!” you shouted sternly causing him to stop in his tracks and turn to you “Come here” you stated frustrated. Eddie turned to Gareth who also stood frozen, back to you, to Gareth and finally back to you. He sighed and trudged towards you. 

“What the hell is going on?” you crossed your arms again, watching as Gareth faking nonchalance walked off behind him. “Gareth uh was just annoying me” he brought a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck “So you chase him?” you inquired “Well yeah” Eddie turned to give Gareth an angry glare as he neared the group again. He set his gaze back onto you, your facial expression telling him that that wasn't an answer and urging him to explain “Ugh, he, he just kept saying some things, and I told him to stop and he still didn't” he set his hands onto your hips as he looked down on you. 

“What stuff?” you asked exasperated, Eddie opened his mouth “And don’t tell me I don’t want to know” you held a finger up to him, his mouth closed again, you could see his brain working to think of something to say “Just, well some things about your body” your face softened into scared hurt, Eddie understood instantly that you though Gareth had been making fun of you, your size, but he didnt know how to explain “Fuck sake, he kept saying how he was gonna” he closed his eyes annoyed “Fuck you and shit” he breathed. 

The snort that left your throat caused him to open them again “Baby, just because he says that doesn't mean it's gonna happen” you placed a soft hand on his cheek. Immediately his mind brought up Greg, stupid fucking Greg who had him doubting himself. -doesn’t mean it's gonna happen, doesn’t mean it's gonna happen, doesn’t mean it's gonna happen. He softened against your touch, nothing was going to happen, not with Greg, not with Gareth, not with anybody. “I know” he sighed, more of an admittance to himself  “I just don't like him talking to you about that” he continued as he stepped closer to you, leaning further into your touch “Yeah well he's a pig, but it's just harmless stupid jokes baby” you leant up on your toes to give him a kiss. 

“I’m only for you remember” you held your hand up to him, wiggling your fingers up to show off your engagement ring and wedding band.

Eddie hummed, why was he ever worried? You were his, you were married to him, had his babies, you’d been with him since you were 16 and him 17 for god's sake. Maybe it was the time spent together that had him worrying you had gotten bored of him, but no, it was the time together that only made the two of you stronger. You’d always been attached at the hip, stuck to each other like glue since his first senior year. Yeah you had your rough patches but you always found your way back to each other in the end.

Taking your hand and placing a kiss to the back of it before kissing your lips. “Now come on, you can buy me a gelato cuz it's too damn hot out here” you grinned as you took his hand. “Mm know something that's hotter” he snapped the elastic at your hip against your skin as he captured your lips in a kiss again.

Rejoining the group you stood with Eddie behind you, whose hands wrapped around your waist as his chin dropped to your shoulder. “Gareth, you're disgusting” you sneered “Anybody want ice cream?” you grinned to the rest, Eddie snorted behind you as the rest laughed. Soon enough you were back in your lounge chair leaning onto Eddie's chest as you sat between his thighs, happily eating your gelato while talking to Tracy, Ariana and Max. 

You had so much fun going on slides with Eddie and the kids, throwing Roxette around in the water, your two girls fighting to get the other off each parents shoulders, slurping on ice cream, chatting with everyone and it wasn't as hard as you'd all though getting each kid into their respective car and away from the fun, all exhausted from the day and ready to go home.  Dinner had been munching on whatever snacks there were around the house as kids were put to bed by nightfall.

“Damn forgot to brush my teeth” Eddie sighed as he walked into the bedroom with a towel low on his hips, tattoos on display under the same gold light Eddie had seen you in. “Ok well I’m dying for a shower so you're gonna have to do that while I’m in there” you told him as you brushed past him in a throw over beach dress, bathing suit still on. You didn't see Eddie grin behind your back as you clutched your toiletry bag on your way down the hall, quickly snapping up his things before following you.

“Oh I don't mind” he breathed as he caught up to you, you turned, rolling your eyes at him playfully as you pushed open the door, locking it after letting Eddie through, “Think I can join you?” he grinned down at you as the hand not clutching his toothbrush and toothpaste came to rest on your hip “Pretty sure you just showered baby” you smiled as you pulled away from him, pulling your dress over your head as Eddie flung his things into the sink. “Mm can’t be too clean sweetheart” he smirked as he crowded you from behind. “I’ll let you join me if you just think about this first” you turned around “You really wanna have sex for the first time in a shower in a home that's not even ours?” you began pulling the straps of your bathing suit down. 

Eddie looked off into the distance thinking it over “No you're right” he sighed “Wait wait wait, you're saying we're gonna have sex?” His eyes found you eagerly as you stripped of your bathing suit and stepped into the shower, looking back with a cheeky smirk. Eddie groaned and fell back against the sink as you turned the water off. Fuck… YES! It was happening! It was really fucking happening! 

You pulled the shower curtain closed, putting you out of view as Eddie turned and began brushing his teeth. He sat down on the toilet lid waiting for you to finish and it felt like the time droned on forever, even though it was just 10 minutes. His head perked up excitedly as you stepped out, reaching for your folded towel on the counter and wrapping yourself up in it. “Ugh fuck you’re so sexy” Eddie breathed against your ear as he wrapped around you from behind, you giggled as you picked up your stuff and unlocked the door. Walking slowly down the hall Eddie pressed his painfully hard cock against you, the evidence of the daydreaming he had been doing while you were in the shower. 

“Can't wait to get my hands on you” he whispered as you made your way down the hall. Eddie wasted absolutely no time as you got to your room, pulling the towel off you and letting it drop to the floor. Eyes roaming the various ink splatters littered over your body, shining oh so beautifully in the dim light of the room, soaking in every inch of your undeniably perfect body. “Funny I’m usually the loud one but I have a sneaking suspicion you might beat me to it this time” you grinned as you let his towel fall to the floor. “Oh do you now?” his hands went down to grab a handful of your ass “Mhm you're gonna have to be quiet” you whispered as he captured your lips in a kiss.

Blindly he led you backwards till the backs of your knees hit the mattress, falling onto it, instinctively spreading your legs to make room for Eddie. “Fuck” he made an audible groan as his hard cock came in contact with you slick wet folds, pressing into you. “Ugh fuck I’m not gonna last long baby” he breathed as he broke apart from you “Would be surprised if you did” you panted as Eddies lips began kissing down your jaw and throat, lingering on occasion to suck harsh bruises into your skin, more than on occasion, he seemed to be doing it with every kiss.

You let out a breathless moan as his lips wrapped around your pebbled nipple, sucking lightly as his hand came up to give similar attention to the other. Two metal balls cold on his muscle as he licked at your pierced nips. He didn’t hover there long though, he continued his descent kissing down your body till he slid to his knees on the floor, hands wrapping strong around your hips to pull you to the edge as he kissed your things. 

“Ughhhh fuck I’ve missed this” he groaned as he spread your folds “Missed sex or missed staring at my pussy?” You grinned down at him as you sat up on your elbows, he looked up at you mischievously “Both” and without warning he dove in, licking a broad strip from your hole up to your clit. Your head fell back as a moan ripped through you, you know Eddie had taken to pleasuring himself but above not doing anything with Eddie you weren’t doing anything alone, the feeling of Eddie's warm tongue rolling through you a second time was almost overwhelming. 

A third long lick before he focused on your clit, shorter even licks right in the nub had you gripping the sheets. His lips wrapped around you, sucking hard as his tongue flicked up and down, your hand came to snake between his damp curls and tug harshly causing Eddie to groan as he went faster. 

“Shit baby, we- we gotta be quiet” you forced out a strained whisper between pants as the vice grip on Eddie's roots tightened, all Eddie did was hum in response as one of the hands snaked around the backs of your thighs holding you to him lifted. The hand that had previously been gripping onto the bed sheets for purchase whipped away to hold a tight fist against your lips, biting down hard on your knuckles as you felt a long thick finger slip easily into you. 

“Mm fuck” you whined against it as he pushed a second in, pumping in and out furiously as his tongue flicked at an angry pace. Just as you were about to open your mouth to say something a harsh knock sounded at the door. Startling both you and Eddie as he pulled his mouth off you, head dropping down to rest his head on your mound “You gotta be fucking kidding me” he gritted through his teeth. 

You took a deep sigh as you slackened your grip on his hair, other hand coming down to the sheets to half push yourself up. “Hang on baby, mommy’ll be right there” you called strained to the door as Eddie knocked his head on your mound, the hair tickling his forehead, fingers still deep inside you. “Uh it’s just me, Steve” a deep voice sounded from the other side. 

“Oh” you fell back down on the bed, “Uh yeah?” you managed to even out your voice as you spoke, “No no don’t come in!” You shouted as you saw the doorknob turn, hand held out in the direction of the door as if to stop him. You sighed as it flung back into place “Uh I was just looking for Eddie” he tried keeping his voice down as he called through the door “What do you want?” Eddie hollered as he raised his head, irritation dripping from his voice “I was just gonna talk to you about uh my car, we talked about it earlier” 

“Yeah yeah I’ll take a look at it tomorrow” he set his chin pushing down onto the sparse hair on your mound again as he looked over to the door Aalright great I was just-“ “Steve I’ll be knuckle deep in your car tomorrow right know I’m knuckle deep in something else” he called, the offended gasp you let out as you scolded him “Edward!” with a light slap to the back of his head only had him grinning up at you smug. “Haha alright dude see ya tomorrow” Steve laughed on the other side as he heard the smack “Ok BYE Steve!” Eddie almost shouted. 

You both listened intently as you heard heavy footsteps lead away from the door “Eddie rea- ooooh shit” you broke off as Eddie set his lips back onto you, pumping his fingers in and out of you equally as fast if not faster than he had before, resuming his tackle on your clit as if nothing had happened. 

With each pump he worked faster and faster until his hand was working at an angry pace to get you to the edge, your hand pulled harder at his hair as you writhed beneath him turning to sink your teeth into the comforter. You whined as you felt that familiar feeling boil in your core, only egging Eddie on as he sucked harder. 

“Fuck I’m-I’m c-close” you whined as your hips inched away from him, Eddies fingers sinking into your skin in a bruising grip and forcing you back to him “Shit shit shit!” was all the warning as a spray of warm liquid hit him in the face, causing him to reel back. Watching in awe as you drenched his neck, chest and hand into a furious squirt. 

Within seconds it slowed to a stop as well as Eddie's fingers as he watched you panting heavily in front of him. Eyes bulging he watched as the hand that had previously ripped away from his hair to grip the sheets and fall slack next to you as you sunk into the mattress panting heavily. “Holy fuck” he breathed as he himself panted, getting to his feet and looming over you, hand falling out to keep him raised off you as his other held your shoulder gently, smoothing over your skin as he went to cup your cheek, capturing your lips in a desperate kiss, pausing your panting to kiss him back. 

The skin previously dried from his shower now soaking pressing against you as he fell onto you, both hands coming up to hold you in place as he pulled you to him, head lifting from the bed to meet him. The long kiss broke apart and you fell back onto the bed, breathing slowing as you gathered yourself. 

“Scootch up baby” Eddie whispered as he pushed himself off you “Hm?” You hummed as you opened your eyes, hands pushing into the patterned throw as you pushed yourself off the foot of the bed and up to land against the pillows. Eddie crawled up the bed, hand pushing softly to part your knees and make room for him. 

Finally your daze melted away as you looked up to find Eddie on his calves, hand wrapped around his throbbing cock as he stared down at you in awe, slowly pumping himself, each stroke revealing his angry red tip dribbling a hefty amount of precum. 

You chuckled breathlessly “Don’t want me to return the favour?” Eddie shook his head furiously as he toppled over to rest on top of you “Uh uh” he breathed and without warning lined himself up with you thrusting himself into the hilt. He let out a loud groan while you gasped in surprise. “Aaahahahuuuuh fuck” he complained breathlessly as the hand on his cock slithered up to grab at your hip. 

“Shiiit feel so good baby” his breath fanned against your ear as he buried his face in your shoulder, setting a slow pace of his hips, lips attaching back to your neck. The low whine of your throat only made Eddie speed his hips up “Baby, s-s’too big” Eddie laughed as you whined “Mm been a while?” he pulls his face out of the crook of your neck to grin down at you. As you roll your eyes Eddie plants both of his hands just below your armpits, leaning down to kiss you as he places one hard thrust into your hips, the head of his cock hitting that spot inside you he liked to call the danger zone for some stupid reason, actually the reason being that it either caused you incredibly pleasure, or incredible pain depending on what position you were in. This particular position was the former, and it showed as you moaned loudly against him. 

Braking off the kiss he moved a hand to plaster over your mouth as he thrusted another hard thrust, somehow managing to hit even deeper inside you, his head nuzzling back into the crook of your neck to leave bruises all along the expanse of your throat. Muffling the second loud moan as your eyes rolled to the back of your skull, mouth dropping in pure pleasure. Eddie hummed in agreement as he thrusted again “Mhm yeah thats the spot, fuck” he was now setting a slow pace of hard thrusts, each time inching deeper inside you as your hands pulled angrily at the roots of his locks. 

Your left hand moved from the grip near his neck to circle around his arm, fingers pressing harshly into the skin of his shoulder, nails digging in to leave small crescent moons into the inked slightly tanned skin. The same tattoo which had Eddie moaning in something other than pleasure as he first lay down on his back after a five hour appointment, complaining that he had to lay on his stomach till it healed. 

Now as you touched the ink Eddie only groaned as your nails scratched at his shoulder blades, hard thrust transitioning to quick smacks of his hips against yours, skin slapping against skin. That would have been the only sound apart from moans that would have been heard if it weren't for “Eddie the bed” you panted as the old wood and springs began squeaking with each of Eddie's movements. “You know how many beds I had to listen to rattling last night?” he pulled away from his attack on your reddening neck to stare down at you, panting between each word “Yeah it's our turn” he dove back in to suck hard at your collarbone. 

His hips were now at a furious pace, how he hadn't cum already he had absolutely no clue but somehow he had managed to hold off. That was until he felt your walls squeeze tightly around him, the burning in his belly he’d been ignoring became reality all too quickly. Hips working faster as he pulled off your collar to look back at you, hand still collapsed over your mouth, neck craned back into the pillow to match your eyes practically looking at the back wall. “Fuck ba- shit” he broke off in a groan as you squeezed harder around him “S-Sweetheart, n-not gonna last loOoong!” he tried to whisper but failed miserably as your ankles locked behind him pressing him further into you. 

Bed squeaking, skin slapping, throats groaning and moaning in blinding pleasure echoed all around the room as Eddie's movement stopped, bottoming out inside you in a loud groan as hot spurts of cum painted your walls. 

For minutes both of you just lay panting, a jumble of limbs as both of you tried to catch your breath. It was nice, lying tangled up with Eddie, naked and sweaty, totally counteracting your shower but it was nice, until it got too hot. You pushed Eddie off you, a reluctant grunt sounding from the back of his throat as he pulled out “Where you going?” he whispered as he felt a dip in the bed next to him while he lay eyes closed on his back. “Gonna open a window it's boiling in here” you stepped cautiously over the floorboards as you opened the old window, sighing as cool night air hit your skin. You looked back to see Eddie fucked out and spent with his eyes still closed on the bed and awkwardly picked up one of the towels discarded on the floor and whipped yourself off. 

Eddie peeked his eyes open as he saw you walk over to the duffle bags, dropping both towels on the bench “You-you getting dressed?” there was a hint of nervousness to his voice as he sat up, as if the prospect of you putting clothes on was like you closing yourself off again. “Relax I’m just putting on some underwear” you chuckled as you fished out a pair of forest green brazilians and pulled them over your legs. 

Eddie fell back against the bed again, laughing as he felt a pair of clean boxers hit his face. Pulling them on he hopped back onto the bed with a wide grin, beaming at you like a child receiving a bag of candy or their favourite toy. “What's got you so happy?” you chuckle as you nestle up to him, pushing his hands away as he was about to wrap them around you, turning to lay on your side and rest your head on his chest instead of his face buried  in your shoulder. 

“Oh you know my stock shares went up” his joke earned a laugh as he held your waist and trailed his fingers up and down your arm. The giggle you let out had his smile cracking wider and his arms holding you to him tighter. “Yup I stiiill got it” he smirked as you slapped his chest lightly. 

For once it seemed neither of you were woken by any distractions, Eddie roused slowly face mushed against your hair as he pulled back to see that during the night the both of you must have moved and he was now back to spooning you just like every other night. As the numb feeling of sleep tingled away he squeezed his fingers to find his hand cupping your breast. He chuckled as he heard the low whine from your throat, the sound jogging his memory. 

Oh fuck, hed gotten to touch you, fuck you, even made you squirt! That wasn't even something normal when you were having sex on a regular basis. Memories of being inside you, a tangle of legs, you pulling at his hair, sucking at your neck, all swam to the forefront of his mind. Leaning over he found himself stunned by the amount of deep purple and brown hickies that littered your skin, he couldn't even count them on his fingers Jesus Christ. Dark marks going all the way from just below your jaw all the way down to an inch or so away from your nipples, when did he even have time to do all that?

He was torn from his thoughts as you stirred, turning in his grasp to lay on your back, eyes slowly opening to see Eddie hovering above you, dopey grin painting his face. Your hands went up to the hem of the comforter when you frowned, lifting it up you peeked at what was hidden, frown dissipating to realisation as you whispered an “Oh right” which had Eddie snorting and dropping his forehead on to yours. 

“Mm morning handsome” you hummed as his lips pulled away from a deep passionate kiss “Morning beautiful” he croaked, head pulling back in shock “Beautiful” he croaked again, voice strained, he cleared his throat “Beautiful, there we go” he laughed as you giggled, those sweet noises once again having his heart doing flips in his chest. 

“So beach day again or you wanna do something else? Dustin mentioned a hike” Eddie rolled off you to lie on his back as you propped yourself up on an elbow next to you “Hmm well I am torn, can either watch you hopp around in that sad little excuse for a bathing suit you wore yesterday or stare at you ass in those bike shorts, it really is a tough decision” he grinned down at you, snorting you told him “Well my regular bikini is all dry now so don't worry you don't have to watch me hopp around in that other one” Eddie shrugged “Probably for the best, not easy hiding a boner in swim trunks, trust me” he widened his eyes. 

Ophelia and Roxette strolled in not much later to find Eddie getting dressed as you had wandered off to the bathroom. 

“Why are you wearing a hoodie? It's like 90° outside” Lucas threw his hands out as he plopped down next to you on the couch, everyone eating an assortment of fruit, cereal and toast. Eddie snorted from the other side of the table which had both of you turning towards him, Lucas with a confused frown and you with a warning glare “I’m just cold” you explained weakly “How on earth are you cold?” Mike sat down on the arm of the chair El was occupying. “Uh I just am?” “Oh come on, just take it off” Mike shrugged. 

“I-I’d rather not” you tried taking a bite of your toast to signal the end of the conversation, “Yeah she's gotta hide those massive hickies” Gareth sauntered over to hang of the back of Eddie's armchair taking an animalistic bit of a baconstrip “Not doing a good job by the way” you pulled the hood up further around your neck as the people around the living room area all turned to you. “Whats a hickey?” Jonathan's son Charlie piped up “Oh it's like a-” “Gareth” you turned to him to glare at him too who held his hands up in defeat “It's just a bruise sweetie, like when you fall and hurt yourself” Charlotte waddled over to pat her son on the head, everyone on the couch scooching up to make room for the pregnant lady. 

“Eh no one cares babes just take your hoodie off, you must be boiling” Charlotte smiled happily as she waved you off next to you, sighing you set your plate down and pulled the hoodie over your head, “Jesus christ!” the room erupted in laughter as near 20 hickeys in a steady flow down to the hem of your tanktop was revealed. You forced a straight tight lipped smile and gestured your hands out. Gareth slapped Eddie on his shoulder as he laughed “Didn’t know you had it in ya big guy” chuckling he stood up straight behind him “Mm thanks” Eddie grumbled as he finished the rest of his cereal. 

“Seriously what did you guys do yesterday?” Mike laughed, “Didn't you hear them?” Gareth imitated a high pitched version of a bed squeaking as you curled in on yourself. Roxette hurried over and climbed into you lap as she laughed “What is uncle Gareth doing?” the supposed uncle in question was in the midst of thrusting his hips back and forth, thankfully not making any lude imitations of moans “He's just being silly” you explained as you wrapped your arms around her. “Oh god” you sighed amused as Charlie and Lucas's son Billy copied Gareth's movements “Would you please refrain from teaching my kid that stuff? He’s four” Charlotte complained as she grabbed her son by the arm and yanked him to her “Yeah dude stop, no one wants to see that shit” Lucas chimed in. 

Soon enough almost everyone was outside gathered by the beach, save from Charlotte who went inside to rest, Jonathan following her and trusting Dustin to keep an eye on his kids. Blankets and towels were spread out in the sand and grass as the same group from the first day lounged on the chairs now back in their place from bonfire night. Kids splashed in the water as well as adults, some lying tanning in the sun or forcing sunscreen onto stroppy children. 

Roxette and Ophelia ran up jumping excitedly as you pulled your shorts down to tan, begging you to come jump off the jetty with them. After some faux complaining and getting a rise out of Roxy you agreed, laughing as they ran off in front of you. Walking past Eddie caught his attention immediately, the rim of the beer bottle he was holding falling away from his lips as it seemed that the world stopped around him and watching you move in slow motion. Teeth showing in a happy laugh, fingers wrapped around the hem on each side of your bikini bottoms, securing them to your hips, thick thighs rubbing against each other with each step, tits in a soft bounce from your movements. Faded ink tattoos mixed with fresher ones glittering in the sunlight as it sat high up in the sky. The quick one second of a flash of a smile towards him was the equivalent of an hour as you turned and continued walking. 

The laughter and chatter died around him as if he was submerged under water simply listening to the sounds of the ocean. In the back of his mind he thought he may have cooled down with his rapid heart beat and tensing in his thighs whenever he was around you in anything close to the line of modesty after you’d finally had sex, but no. If anything his heart was beating even faster than it had before in his life, not even the muffling of his chest could hide the beats from sounding out around him, much less hide the feeling of his swim shorts tightening around him. 

Sitting up straight from his wide legged slackened position he stared in awe at the plush thickness of your thighs, to your concealed mound up to the soft rolls of your tummy, slight jiggle of the fat around your arms and bounce of your tits, and Oh. My. God. As he zoned in on the particular area which consumed his mind most of the time he saw those faint outlines of hearts, pressing against the lavender fabric, had it not been for the sun beating down on you he most definitely would have seen the shape of your hardened nipples framed so perfectly by those little diamond encrusted silver hearts. 

Since this morning you had switched your nipple piercings, at some point, without his knowledge, and he knew you knew those little hearts were his absolute favourite of all the body modifications you had. She’s put those on for me. The hearts disappeared out of his view as you veered off to the small wooden dock, the globes of your ass swaying from side to side with every step you took, following your girls down as they desperately jumped up and down in waiting for you. 

Just as quick as the moment came, it was gone, as he watched you disappear under the surface of the water, cannonballing in with a large splash, Roxette eagerly on your tail, copying you and cannonballing in only a few inches away from your face. You laughed as you splashed her back, clapping as Ophelia too resurfaced. 

“Yo you listening to me?” Gareth slapped Eddie's arm in an attempt to regain his attention, not having noticed you walking by, he turned away from the small dots of your heads floating in the distance. “Hm? Oh right Zander yeah what about him?” Gareth repeated his comment about how their boss at the auto shop had slipped up with a recent purchase that was vital in the repair of a snazzy Rolls Royce he had been working on. 

Eddie's attention drifted way off from the conversation again as he saw you swim up to the ladder and pull yourself up. Water dripping off your body as you shoved your hair out of your face. Time slowed again as you dipped your fingers into the hem of your bottoms, pulling at the fabric to lay back properly over your ass from the water forcing them up to nestle between your cheeks as you jumped into the lake. The action wasn’t graceful, in fact it was far from it, but from the edge of the beach where Eddie sat currently having an out of world experience it was the sexiest, hottest thing he had ever witnessed you doing. Even though he couldn't see it he just knew the skin of your ass would jiggle as the elastic snapped back against it. 

“Seriously dude!” This time Gareth shoved him, almost spilling the beer in the bottle over his lap, most definitely making the little situation with the raging boner straining against the mesh a lot worse had it gone further than sloshing around the neck.

Somehow he managed to regain focus and partake in a conversation which mostly consisted of slagging his boss off, coupled with a few swares which had several moms turning their heads in a glare. And somehow he managed to calm down and let his mind focus on other things as his cock slowly softened beneath the black and blue fabric. 

“So Edward Munson” Steve grinned as he walked over the sand and slapped his friend on the shoulder “Don't let Nancy hear your wife calling you that, she'll start walking around calling me Stephen” he grimaced as Eddie turned from Gareth chuckling at his comment. “Seems something you did was successful” he walked over and sank down into the chair Gareth previously occupied, walking off to answer Jeff calling him over. 

“Seems so” Eddie raised his bottle in a mock cheer as Steve uncapped his own “Seriously dude you gotta tell me how the fuck you manage to hold out that long” he leaned in, deepening his voice so no one could overhear. “What hold out for six months? a hellofalot of polaroids and dirty magazines and taking alleged showers” Eddie’s smirk matched Steves as he chuckled, Steve let out a loud obnoxious snort “No, bro, you're like 40 years old-” “41” Eddie grimaced as he cut him off “Right well 41, I’ve never in my life heard a bed make so much noise, you were going at it for like 30 minutes with constant eek eek eek” it was Eddies turn to snort now as Steve copied Gareth's form of imitating the bed squeaking.

“Do 50 hour weeks at an auto repair shop and maybe you'll catch up to me” Steve laughed as he spread his legs and sunk further into the wood. Ophelia ran up dripping cold water all over him as she hung off the armrest of his chair “What's up rugrat?” Eddie ruffled her already tousled and drenched hair “Dad wanna come play princess with me, Mercy, Louise and Emma? Roxette doesn't want to, says it's for girls. Even though she is one which I don't understand” Ophelia mumbled the last sentence as a low rumble left Eddies chest in the form of a deep chuckle “Not right now sweetheart, daddys talking to Steve right now but maybe later” he offered an apologetic smile towards his daughter. Even though he loved her, he wasn't quite fond of having her smear her moms makeup on his face as he wore a blanket for a dress, he was banished from wearing your dresses since he almost flashed Roxette while jumping on the couch. 

“Okeeey” Ophelia grumbled and ran off to join Steve and Jonathans daughters who were already pulling at Charlottes arms. His gaze turned from his eldest to find you stepping off the jetty and making your way through the sand towards him. It was almost uncharacteristic how quickly he switched from trying not to upset his daughter to hungrily watch you in motion. Sure he drifted off and lost focus sometimes, ok a lot, but this wasn't something normal for him, he didn't even hear as Steve barked out a laugh beside him at the change in demeanour, before he even got a chance to let his eyes drift up and down your body you were stood in front of him, lips moving as you talked but not a single word registering to him. 

He straightened his back and fought with himself as he desperately tried not to let his eyes roam your body and instead look into your eyes giving you his full attention “Huh sorry what?” Steve barked another laugh beside him, you giggled “I just said hi” you reached over behind him to grab your towel on the back of his chair, “Oh hi” Eddie breathed as your tits hovered two inches away from his nose, suddenly all the air had left the sphere around earth and he had to sputter to find his breath.

A pressing matter swam to the front of his mind and ripped him out of his trance “Where's Rocky?” he whipped his head around to look behind you and scan the beach “She’s inside, Arianas showing her the wonders of The Notorious B.I.G” you ran the towel over your head, squeezing the water out of your hair “Great first Tupac now B.I.G, you know I really had hope for her, she was listening to Mötley Crue and everything” the brown bottle raised to his lips as he took a sip of the now luke warm beer, he scrunched his face up in disgust and propped the drink into the sand. 

“Hah relax babe, she still obsessed with Mötley Crue, not that I’m very happy about it, the day she starts fangirling over them is the day I divorce you” Eddie scrunched his face up again, soft lines forming on his nose as his brows furrowed “Im kidding!” you held your hands up. With your towel in your hand and arms out by your sides Eddie was fighting for dear life to keep eye contact with you, if only he had his sunglasses on. 

“Oh yo the car” Steve cut into the admittedly mundane but to Eddie, it was a heart squeezing conversation with his wife “Oh right!” Eddie made to stand up as you moved out of the way, eagerly you took his place as the seat next to you vacated with Steve standing to join him. 

It was your turn to oggle now. 

For the first time since December, watching Eddie pull at the neck of his threadbare t-shirt was exhilarating. Unbeknownst to you you were falling into the exact same trance Eddie had been, where the world fell silent and time stopped. Your eyes widened as you saw the sun bleached fabric float over his skin, inch by inch revealing that faint happy trail and that toned v-line pointed down like an arrow towards the price you were now dying to win over. Toned abs revealed themselves slowly next to a set of sleek inked hips, twigs and vines littered with roses winding down the v-line, roses matching the ones that sat under your right breast, peeking out from under your bra. A demon head and a spider showed on his left peck, hovering above a large majestic dragon protecting its four ribbed eggs, each symbolising a different person he admired and loved deeply, a constant reminder that he never wanted to lose them. Ophelia, Roxette, Wayne and you. 

Tattoo sleeves windled from his shoulders down to his wrists, puppet masters, bats, more dragons, daggers, dice and so much more all woven perfectly together resting under the surface of the soon to be golden brown skin. Formerly pale now tanning shining under the brightness of the sky, reflection of the water sparkling at his sides.

It was your turn to not register a word as Eddie spoke “We’re just gonna go have a look at Steve’s car, I’ll be back in a bit” you felt your neck twist as you followed the collections of tattoos on chiselled muscles past you where a hand dropped his shirt onto the arm of the chair and back behind you, leaning in your chair and twisting uncomfortably to follow the wide spread wings connecting to a female form, organs on show and hands displayed to its side, a tribute to his musical hero and favourite album In Utero by Nirvana. 

You felt like a teenager caught staring at her crush as you whipped around to look back at the beach when both Steve and Eddie turned to look back at you. 

“Dude she was totally checking you out?” Steve slapped him on his chest as they tread through the grass “What? Who?” Eddie turned to see you quickly pull back in your chair “Who do you think idiot?”.

Part 2!

[diorkyeom]

「✦」 oh, how i adore you

joshua x dokyeom, non-idols, fluff, angst, humour, mutual pining, friends to lovers, inspired by the song 'jump then fall' by taylor swift

total word count: 22.2k+

warnings: adults drinking alcohol near the beginning, seokmin is scared of heights? but hes good at dealing w it, overuse of "shua hyung"s bc seokmin is a Simp, kissing

summary: "and joshua... well, joshua had realised something. seokmin's laugh was, without a doubt, one of the best sounds that he had ever heard." - in which joshua never really realised that he'd fall for seokmin, but always has and always will do anything for him. and perhaps that should have been his first sign that he'd well and truly fallen for seokmin a long, long time ago.

notes: it's here!! vv heavily inspired by that one lyric in ms. swift's song that goes "without a warning/i realise your laugh is the best sound i have ever heard" bc it's just sooo seoksoo coded. pls b kind to the fic bc it actually took me forever to write lmaoo and enjoy ^^

The day Joshua fell in love with Seokmin started out like any other.

Well, no. That was a lie. But with friends like Joshua’s, it was impossible for any day to be classed as ‘ordinary’. 

On the day he fell in love with Seokmin, he woke up to someone poking him in the shoulder.

Which was weird, because Joshua lived by himself, and his first thought was that it was some intruder coming to murder him as he slept. He couldn’t find it within him to be scared about that, though, still in a mostly-asleep state as the bony finger continued to poke him incessantly right in the shoulder bone.

He was too tired to be dealing with this. Trying to bury his face into his pillow, Joshua reasoned that if someone was trying to murder him, then it was highly unlikely that they’d want to wake him up first, right? 

Either that, or they were an incredibly polite murderer.

“Shua hyung,” the polite murderer whined, and Joshua groaned as the familiar voice finally registered in his ears.

With a heavy sigh, because he now knew exactly who this intruder was, he let himself be manhandled up into a more upright position, propped against his headboard. His eyes were still shut, refusing to accept this disturbance to his sleep.

“Shua hyung,” the person said again, and Joshua could hear the bright amusement in his tone. “Shua hyung, it’s gone 10 in the morning. You promised me cookies.”

Defeated, Joshua blinked slowly as his shoulders were shaken back and forth, making his head loll drowsily like a doll. He squinted blearily.

“Good morning to you too, Seokmin.”

Seokmin beamed again, wide and happy as if he hadn’t just forcibly woken his hyung up and was now shaking him around like a baby rattle. He was practically sitting in Joshua’s lap, having clambered over him in order to shake his shoulders, and Joshua really was beginning to feel like nothing more than a toy doll at this point. 

“Good morning, hyung!” Seokmin chirped, and sat back on Joshua’s knees, making the elder let out a small ‘oof’ at the sudden weight. “Now hurry up, you said you’d bake me cookies.”

Joshua sighed yet again. He really needed new friends.

───────────── ‘✦,

Joshua had met Lee Seokmin for the first time during his third year of university. It had been an odd encounter, but it had been an encounter brought on by one Yoon Jeonghan and so, when Joshua thought about it, by that man’s standards it hadn’t really been all that odd in the slightest.

“Joshuji,” Jeonghan had declared one afternoon, opening the door and flouncing through the small dorm into their kitchen, dragging a tall boy by his oversized hoodie sleeve behind him. “Meet the first-year that I’ve collected this year.”

Joshua, who had been peacefully sipping his fifth coffee of the day, didn’t even bat an eye at Jeonghan’s declaration. “Another one?”

Even in the present, Joshua could very truthfully admit that Jeonghan had been the sole reason he’d decided to carry on going to uni in Korea and not turn on his heel and return to the States three months after the first day. 

It was because Jeonghan had had this… thing, where he liked ‘collecting’ first-years in their literature department who he wanted to take under his wing. During their first year at uni, he’d latched onto Joshua, who’d been a confused Korean-American student that Jeonghan had, for some reason, taken an immense liking to. Their second year, it had been Lee Jihoon, prickly and snappish but who had a hyper boyfriend who Jihoon stared at with hearts in his eyes.

It was a weird, almost mother hen-like act from Jeonghan, but it was a sweet habit, and Joshua had long since given up questioning anything that he did. 

And so, a little absently, Joshua had turned to look over at Jeonghan’s newest adoptee, a polite smile on his face, before promptly freezing.

“Meet Lee Seokmin,” Jeonghan had said, proudly, like a mother introducing her favourite son. “Isn’t he just the cutest?”

Joshua blinked rapidly, because goodness, Lee Seokmin really was cute.

He was biting his lips nervously, tugging at the sleeves of his hoodie before Joshua finally made eye contact with him, and his eyes rounded as if surprised that Joshua had looked his way.

And then Seokmin waved, before ducking his head, as if attempting to (unsuccessfully) hide behind Jeonghan’s much shorter form. The action was so startingly cute that Joshua couldn’t help the genuine smile that tugged at his lips, giving a small wave back even if Seokmin looked too busy avoiding his gaze to see it.

“Hello,” Joshua said, and awfully, his voice managed to crack on that single word. Jeonghan stifled a snort. In an attempt to cover the awkwardness, Joshua apparently decided it was best to do something even more awkward, and stuck his hand out in Seokmin’s direction. “I’m Joshua Hong. Or, Hong Jisoo. You can call me whatever’s easiest.”

Seokmin had stared down at his hand for several seconds, confused, and Joshua wanted nothing more than to turn back time and restart this entire interaction because really, how much more embarrassing could this get?

Before he could retract his hand, trying to forget the handshake and hopefully forget the new layer of awkwardness, Seokmin leaned over and grasped Joshua’s hand, strands of hair falling into his eyes as he looked up at Joshua, eyes startlingly warm and earnest.

His hair was awfully fluffy, Joshua realised suddenly. And he had big eyes.

He looked like a large, adorable puppy, if adorable puppies were tall uni students who drowned themselves in oversized hoodies.

Seokmin’s cheeks were rather flushed as he shook Joshua’s hand, eyes wide. He had a brief thought that maybe Jeonghan had chased him around their apartment block until he finally reached their floor.

Jeonghan did that sometimes.

And then Seokmin smiled, so brightly that it was like a blinding beam of sunlight, his earlier perceived shyness completely forgotten as he released Joshua’s hand and instead lunged forward to engulf the elder in a hug.

“Hello!” Seokmin chirped, arms still wrapped around Joshua’s shoulders, and when he pulled away, he was still smiling so widely that Joshua felt a little dazed. “It’s nice to meet you, Jeonghan hyung’s told me a lot about you. I like your eyes! Can I call you Shua hyung?”

Joshua blinked rapidly, surprised by the sudden and random bout of chatter coming from the boy, but Seokmin’s eyes were lit up with that white gold light and he was so cute that Joshua couldn’t be anything but endeared.

“Sure,” he said amusedly, and marvelled internally at how Seokmin’s eyes crinkled and he seemed to vibrate happily on the spot. “You can call me Shua hyung.”

Seokmin let out a small laugh, delighted. “Shua hyung!” he cried, and then launched himself into Joshua’s arms again, pulling him in for another hug as the elder stumbled back, arms wrapped securely around Seokmin for balance.

Jeonghan had met Joshua’s eyes over Seokmin’s shoulders, face set in a curiously indecipherable expression. When Joshua furrowed his brows, he just grinned, nodding proudly. “Seems like I chose my first-year very well.”

And, well, Joshua couldn’t say anything at that, because Seokmin still had his face buried in his shoulder and he was just so warm and friendly and also because—

Because Jeonghan might have been the tiniest bit correct.

───────────── ‘✦,

Five years later, however, as the Joshua of the present tried to stop Seokmin from drowning his cookie batter in sugar, he wondered whether Jeonghan had, instead, been very, very incorrect.

“Hyung,” Seokmin complained, when Joshua forcibly wrestled the bag of sugar out of his hands. “Hey, Shua hyung, let me help! I wanna help!”

“You can help by staying away from my poor cookies,” Joshua said firmly. 

When Seokmin wilted pathetically, bottom lip jutting out in a pout, he just poked him in the cheek as he set the sugar far out of Seokmin’s reach. 

“Put the pout away, Min-ah,” he said, using the affectionate nickname that always managed to make Seokmin melt and eventually agree with whatever Joshua said. ““Remember the last time I let you do what you wanted with my cookies?”

Seokmin hung his head. “I almost gave everyone food poisoning,” he muttered miserably.

“You almost gave everyone food poisoning,” Joshua agreed. “Besides, you barged into my house at 10 in the morning to demand that I make you cookies. At least let me actually make them, you know?”

Seokmin rolled his eyes, leaning against the counter as he watched Joshua pick up his wooden spoon and continue mixing the batter. “I didn’t barge in. You gave me the passcode.”

“For emergencies.”

“This was an emergency.”

Joshua shook his head. “Whatever you say, Seokmin. Whatever you say.”

“I do say!” Seokmin said, nodding vigorously. “You promised, hyung. And it’s very important that you keep your promises.”

“Because you always keep yours?”

“I do!”

“Then why haven’t you paid me back for all those times I paid for your food back in uni, hm? When you somehow forgot your wallet while going out for dinner with us?”

Seokmin opened his mouth wordlessly, frowning as Joshua chuckled at him. “Hey,” he said finally. “Don’t bring up my dark past like that.”

Joshua laughed properly, and Seokmin’s face brightened into a smile, as if an automatic response to the sound of someone’s happiness. It was kind of cute, and had Joshua laughing again, leaning over and pinching Seokmin’s cheek with a sticky hand.

“Look at you. You’re like an adorable puppy,” he said, grinning at the residue of sticky dough smeared against Seokmin’s cheek when he pulled away.

“Thanks, hyung,” Seokmin chirped. “So does that mean you’ll allow me to help?”

“No,” Joshua said bluntly, heart squeezing with something warm when Seokmin dramatically made a show of looking disappointed. He leaned over and pinched Seokmin’s other cheek, smearing more cookie dough on his skin. “Just sit there and look pretty while I bake them for you.”

Seokmin grinned, all blinding light. “You think I’m pretty?”

Joshua hummed. “Sure. Not when you have cookie dough on both your cheeks, though.”

“Hyung! You—”

Seokmin huffed, rubbing his cheeks and turning his nose up annoyedly at Joshua, before Joshua offered him a cookie dough-covered spoon not seconds later, and he instantly opened his mouth to obediently lick at it. 

“You really are a puppy, huh?” Joshua shook his head, smiling, and turned back to the mixing bowl. “There. Now shh. Eat that and let me finish your oh-so important cookies.”

Was it kind of weird that Seokmin had barged into his apartment because he wanted cookies? Well, yeah, but that was the kind of friend that Seokmin was. And Joshua was the kind of friend to let him.

If Joshua thought really hard about it, there wasn’t actually any real reason for him to be making Seokmin cookies at all, though. 

There was no special event coming up soon, no celebration or holiday or any reason why Seokmin couldn’t make the cookies himself (save for the fact that he may accidentally leave someone horribly incapacitated in the process).

But last night, Joshua had spent several hours on the phone to Seokmin—something which had somehow become a weekly thing for the two of them, which worried Joshua a little but only if he thought about it for too long—and inexplicably, their conversation had turned to cookies. Seokmin had whined that his favourite strawberry and chocolate chip cookies were no longer being stocked in stores, and before Joshua knew it, he’d promised to bake Seokmin those cookies as soon as he could.

Honestly, the things he did for Seokmin.

Joshua looked over at Seokmin again, who had somehow managed to hop up onto his kitchen counter and was now swinging his legs like a little child, chattering mindlessly while watching Joshua make his cookies for him, and he couldn’t hide the exasperatedly endeared smile that tugged at his lips.

Joshua was always doing things for Seokmin, really. He should start making the guy pay for his services.

Probably.

Seokmin made a delighted noise when Joshua scooped him another spoonful of cookie dough to eat, and Joshua tried not to think too much about why Seokmin’s joy made him feel light too.

“There we go,” Joshua announced, setting down a plate of still-warm, home baked strawberry and chocolate chip cookies onto the table, along with a glass of milk. “Your cookies. Now eat.”

Seokmin lit up, and positively beamed up at Joshua, clasping his hands together. “Oh, wow. They look so good.”

Joshua smiled, pulling up another chair and collapsing into it. “Yeah?”

He watched as Seokmin stuffed a cookie into his mouth, eyes instantly widening as he began nodding his head vigorously.

“The best,” Seokmin said honestly, words muffled, and there was a pink stain of strawberry on the corner of his mouth already. “Shua hyung, how are you always so good at baking?”

Joshua didn’t reply, and just watched Seokmin stuff his face with the cookie, laughing a little as the younger sincerely expressed his compliments, words garbled and unintelligible, and smiled and told him to chew his food properly.

For all of their bickering and teasing whenever the two of them interacted, Seokmin was a soft person at heart, sincere compliments spilling from his lips as easy as daylight.

Speaking of daylight, however, the morning had well and truly come and gone, the early afternoon sun spilling through Joshua’s windows and reminding him that Seokmin had been in his apartment for a good five hours now. He ought to kick the man out soon.

“You’re going to choke yourself if you keep shoving them in your face like that,” Joshua said, nudging the glass of milk closer to Seokmin. “Take your time, the cookies aren’t going anywhere.”

“Yeah, and that’s the problem,” Seokmin replied, cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk as he sipped the milk. “These cookies need to be in my mouth. Right now.”

Joshua chuckled, leaning back in his chair as Seokmin finished off the last of the three cookies on the plate. The rest of the batch were sitting on the cooling rack, waiting to be put into a container for Seokmin to take home, of course. Joshua wasn’t going to go to all the effort of baking cookies if he was only going to make a few.

“Happy now?” he asked, smiling again when Seokmin nodded fervently, beaming, cookie crumbs around his mouth. Joshua shook his head in faux disbelief. “I can’t believe you forced me to make you those cookies.”

“It’s because I’m Shua hyung’s favourite,” Seokmin sing-songed, grinning cheekily. “I’m your most favourite friend in the entire world.”

“Wrong,” Joshua deadpanned. “That’s Jeonghan.”

“Just because Jeonghan hyung’s your best friend doesn’t mean he’s your favourite,” Seokmin said, and Joshua wanted to point out that it kind of did, but Seokmin was already carrying on. “Speaking of Jeonghan hyung though, don’t forget that he’s taking us all to a restaurant for dinner tonight.”

Joshua blinked, closing his mouth. “Really?”

Seokmin looked at him, head tilted, and then grinned. “You forgot, didn’t you?”

“No. Of course not.” Joshua stood up, taking the plate and empty glass and walking into the kitchen. “No I didn’t.”

Seokmin laughed, following Joshua into the kitchen and watching as he washed the crockery. “Oh, you definitely did!” he crowed delightedly, and it was such a Seokmin thing to be delighted by that it had Joshua smiling again, even as he tried to maintain a long-suffering frown. “Can��t believe you forgot all about it. Good thing I reminded you, huh? What would you do without me, Shua hyung?”

Seokmin sounded so endlessly smug, eyes shining for reasons that Joshua couldn’t quite fathom. The warm afternoon light from the windows spilled over his face and gave him a golden glow, and so Joshua finally broke, laughing and drying his hands before ruffling Seokmin’s hair, moving away from the sink and over to the rest of the cookies.

“I dunno. Die?” Joshua suggested, making Seokmin laugh suddenly at the answer.

“Maybe not that extreme,” he said. “You’d probably just miss the dinner that hyung planned to celebrate our friend group’s 2000 day anniversary. Which, actually, on second thoughts, probably would lead to your death,” he added thoughtfully.

Joshua smiled, beginning to deposit the cookies into a plastic container. “In which case, thank you for saving me from certain death, Seokmin.”

“You’re most welcome!” Seokmin said brightly, with a grin. “Do I get a cookie?”

That made Joshua chuckle, looking up from the container to raise his eyebrows at Seokmin. “This entire batch is yours, Seokmin. You can have as many as you like.” 

He placed the container into Seokmin’s hands, and then started walking out of the kitchen.

“Also, you have cookie crumbs all around your mouth.”

Seokmin’s loud whine of annoyance echoed throughout his apartment. “Hyung!”

───────────── ‘✦,

And so that was how Joshua’s morning had gone. Relatively uneventful and, truthfully, rather ordinary (well, as normal as a morning could be when you had Lee Seokmin for a best friend). So Joshua wasn’t truly expecting anything different during dinner that evening.

Their overexcited yells blurred together and echoed noisily throughout the BBQ restaurant, and Joshua laughed into his glass of water as half of the table shouted over each other for some reason or other.

They were getting a fair amount of concerned stares from the general public, which was understandable, because Soonyoung was vibrating like he was due to explode any minute and half of them weren’t even sitting in their chairs anymore, but this was how their dinners out together always went, so Joshua didn’t even bat an eye.

“I’m sure if you strap a jet pack onto the ostrich, then it could definitely fly,” Mingyu was insisting, and Seungkwan stared at him in utter disbelief.

“If you strap a jet pack onto a hippo then it could definitely fly!” Seungkwan screeched, and Wonwoo nodded vigorously in agreement. “Doesn’t mean that ostriches can fly!”

“It does!” Mingyu said, but his eye twitched as he talked. It was a sure sign that he knew he was basically talking nonsense, but Seungkwan looked far too irate to notice. “Flying is when stuff goes into the sky, right? I fully believe that a hippo can fly too.”

Wonwoo’s eye was twitching, too, and definitely not for the same reason that Mingyu’s was. “You think that hippos can fly.”

Mingyu grinned. “I do.”

“I support him!” Soonyoung cried out suddenly, and everyone exploded, eager to take part and voice their opinion.

Their conversation had long ago strayed from being in the realm of anything that made sense, and at the end of the long table that they were all eating at, Jeonghan was quite peacefully picking meat off of his barbeque grill, him and Seungcheol making pleasant conversation and ignoring the shouts coming from next to them.

Joshua shook his head. Typical Jeonghan behaviour.

Ducking his head to avoid Soonyoung’s flailing arms as the younger vehemently defended Mingyu’s (frankly very stupid) opinion, Joshua reached over the table for the bottle of soju, filling up his shot glass and knocking it back, observing his friends with a grin on his face.

So far, the dinner had been going incredibly normally. 

They’d taken part in drinking games, and Mingyu and Seokmin had made a show of cooking the meat for everyone, and the conversation had switched topics hilariously fast a span of fifteen times. 

And Joshua was having a great time. He’d been seated between Chan and Hansol, who were actually rather good people to be seated between, because Hansol ended up dozing off three hours into the dinner and Chan ended up disappearing to sit somewhere on the other side of the table, leaving Joshua in peace to observe and laugh at his friend’s antics.

He’d been doing what he always did at their friendaversary dinners: replace half his shots with water, watch his friends’ drunk arguments (and occasionally interject with one random statement to rile them all up again), and also eat as much beef as possible because, well. Jeonghan was paying. He may as well make the most of it.

Joshua listened to the shaking, booming voice of Wonwoo going “What do you mean you’ve never heard of a penguin before?”, and chuckled. 

Everything was indeed going very normally. 

“Shua hyung,” a voice said in his ear, one bony finger poking right into his shoulder blade before a cold hand pressed against the nape of his neck, making him yelp and turn around.

Seokmin grinned at him from Chan's previously-empty chair, eyes looking a little too bright to be wholly sober.

“Shua hyung,” he said again, his grin full of mischief. “Don’t look so excited to see me. Desperation isn’t a good look on anyone.”

Joshua just rolled his eyes, tweaking Seokmin’s ear for good measure. “As if I’d be excited to see you.” Seokmin pouted, and pressed his entire cold palm against Joshua’s cheek just to be mean. “Hey, don’t put your gremlin hands on me, you brat. Why are your fingers so cold, anyway?”

Seokmin shrugged, holding his hands up and looking at them like he’d never seen them before. “Guess they just get cold really easily.” He looked up, and his smile seemed to widen even further, holding his hands out to Joshua. “Warm them up for me?”

“Warm them up yourself,” Joshua said, but he was already reaching out for Seokmin’s hands, warming his fingers between his palms.

Seokmin just beamed, pleased, like he’d known that Joshua would immediately give him what he wanted. Hands still being held by Joshua, he turned back to the rest of their friends, observing them with bright eyes.

He grinned at something that Junhui said, and Joshua watched him, smiling a little. 

There was always just something about Seokmin’s happiness that made one feel happy too. Back when they first met, five years ago, it had been one of the things that had endeared Seokmin to Joshua in the first place.

Joshua looked back at the rest of their friends, listening as Soonyoung was yet again doing his terrifyingly accurate impression of Seungkwan. He smiled, but didn’t pay attention for long, because next to him, Seokmin slipped his hands out of his grip, clapping delightedly and then raised his hands to cover his mouth.

And then Seokmin laughed: loud, brightly, full of golden light as he tipped back in his chair before leaning forward, yelling encouragement to Soonyoung on the other end of the table.

He laughed again, and Joshua just—

Joshua just watched him. 

He was unable to tear his eyes away as Seokmin snorted inelegantly, bursting into fits of laughter and collapsing into Joshua’s shoulder, seemingly unable to hold himself up due to the force of his laughs.

All he could do was stare down fondly at Seokmin, giggling into him. Seokmin, whose eyes had crinkled so they were nothing more than overjoyed crescents, whose laughter was ringing in the air, and even the yells of their friends had become muffled in Joshua’s ears, his focus solely on Seokmin by his side and his bright, unabashed laugh.

Seungkwan said something then, and Seokmin looked up, eyes bright with mirth as he made to stand up. 

“Hey! Seungkwan!” Seokmin yelled, getting up from the chair and leaning on the table. “Look, you—”

And then he cut himself off, bursting into laughter as Soonyoung said something, arms waving in the air, and Seokmin hurried over to them before Seungkwan could get his hands around Soonyoung’s throat, still laughing the entire time. 

“Hey, let me go! Let me go after Soonyoung hyung! This guy deserves it for sure—”

Seokmin was waved off by Seungkwan, but he still kept a close distance, hovering over the younger with his face crinkled into a smile and seemingly unaware of how he'd left Joshua with his head in shambles on the other side of the table. 

And Joshua… well, Joshua had realised something.

Seokmin’s laugh was, without a doubt, one of the best sounds that Joshua had ever heard.

Which was a good thing, Joshua mused, watching Seokmin from across the table, watching him say something and then burst into laughter at his own words. Seokmin was a chronic smiler and chronic laugher, and could never be seen without his lips curling upwards at something or other, letting out at least a small snuffle of a laugh.

Joshua had heard Seokmin laugh hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Never before had he realised how good Seokmin’s laugh sounded, though. Or how good he looked when he laughed.

Happiness was a good look on Seokmin.

Sometimes, his laughter scrunched his face up hilariously, and sometimes, it turned into loud shrieks more than actual laughs. Even so, Joshua thought it was rather endearing, and still sounded like golden chimes in a spring breeze.

It would be incredibly easy to fall in love with a laugh like that.

Joshua froze, mind going blank as Seokmin tilted his head back, laughing and smiling widely, his golden laughter ringing in his ears. 

Oh.

Oh, no.

“Alright, you three, shut up,” Jeonghan finally interrupted, seemingly having had enough of their fighting. “You’re gonna give me a headache. And you’re going to wake poor Hansol up,” he added, gesturing to Hansol who was still sleeping in the chair next to Joshua.

Seungkwan whined immediately. “Hyung! Soonyoung hyung’s doing crazy stuff again!”

“So is Seungkwan!”

“I know,” Jeonghan said, “but you’re both being ridiculous. Sit down. Why don’t we play a nice, quiet game?”

“Or,” a voice said, “you can leave.”

One of the restaurant workers was frowning at them, and handed Jeonghan the bill. 

“In fact, please leave.”

Jeonghan blinked down at the bill in his hands, before his eyes widened and he made a slight distressed sound. “Who ordered this much beef?” He looked around, eyes wide. “Who ordered all of this?”

Seungcheol grabbed his arm before he could work himself up into a fit. “We’ll be on our way, thank you,” he said to the server, bowing. “Our apologies. Jeonghan, come on, you said you’d pay.”

“I’m not paying for all of this,” Jeonghan said stubbornly, even as Seungcheol pushed him towards the desk. “Cheol, split it with me. Look at this! This is crazy! I swear, when I find out who ordered three different cuts of wagyu beef I’m gonna—”

Their gathering split up rather quickly after that, though it did look like Wonwoo had a difficult time trying to drag an incredibly drunk Chan out of his seat. Joshua was rather grateful though, partly because he didn’t want to stick around if Jeonghan managed to catch a whiff of who’d ordered the most expensive meat on the menu, and partly because it would give him the chance to process the sudden realisation he’d just had.

Jihoon was putting very little effort into dragging Soonyoung away from Seungkwan, while Mingyu was bodily hauling the younger man out of the restaurant. The sight would have made Joshua laugh, only he was too occupied with gathering all of his own things and booking it out of the restaurant and back home as soon as possible.

“Shua hyung!”

A hand suddenly squeezed Joshua’s arm, making him whip his head upwards, almost knocking right into Seokmin’s chin as the younger leaned over him.

“Oh my g—Seokmin,” Joshua said, stepping back a little so they weren’t practically nose to nose. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” Seokmin said, and then grinned. “Are you walking home, hyung?”

Joshua looked over at the counter, where Jeonghan seemed to still be arguing with Seungcheol about splitting the bill. “Probably,” he said. “It looks like those two’ll be arguing for a while. It’ll be, like, three in the morning by the time Cheol drops me back off if I wait for them to be done.”

Seokmin’s lips twisted, eyes round with concern. “You shouldn’t be walking home by yourself at this time of night, hyung.” His face lit up. “D’you wanna come with us instead? Myungho and Junhui hyung are driving me back home. I’m sure they could drop you off too.”

His first instinct was to say yes, of course and that would be great, but his heart was racing unusually fast in his chest, and looking at Seokmin’s bright, earnest eyes for even a second too long made Joshua feel all warm and melty inside, and considering the obscene amount of alcohol he’d consumed (even with his half-water scheme going on) it probably wasn’t a good idea to spend a whole car ride next to Seokmin.

“No thanks,” Joshua said, rather too hurriedly, and then looked down to adjust his shoulder bag, embarrassed at his own abrupt answer. “I mean—I don’t live that far away. I’ll be fine.”

Seokmin looked at him for a long moment, and he must have been more drunk than Joshua thought, because his eyes were coloured with a glittering expression that made him pause.

Seokmin looked almost disappointed.

And then he blinked, and the expression was gone, replaced with a slightly lopsided grin as he pulled Joshua in for a hug then instantly stepped away, wringing his hands together. “Well, goodnight then, Shua hyung,” Seokmin said. “I’ll see you?”

Joshua managed to dredge up his own smile, giving a small wave. “Yeah. See you, Min-ah.”

So Joshua bid him goodnight and the rest of them goodbye, and walked out of the restaurant, his heart thumping in his chest, Seokmin’s smile glowing in the back of his eyes.

And the knowledge that he was in love with Seokmin etched into his brain.

───────────── ‘✦,

Joshua and Seokmin’s friendship went something like this.

They teased, bickered, pinched each other’s elbows and pressed palms against faces. They doted, coddled, cared for each other and talked over the phone until the wee hours of the morning. Seokmin would whine for something, and Joshua would give it to him. Joshua wouldn’t even have to say a word, and Seokmin would be reaching out to hold him, in an instant knowing exactly what Joshua needed.

Seokmin was loud, almost obnoxiously so, but when Joshua went out seeking solace he went to Seokmin first, because Seokmin was always, always soft and comfortable for Joshua.

Joshua sat down on his couch and stirred the sugar into his coffee with a teaspoon, frowning down at it thoughtfully.

Jeonghan was Joshua’s best friend. The other half of his soul.

But even if Jeonghan was half of Joshua’s soul, then Seokmin was the soul that was made to fit with Joshua’s. Not an identical copy of his own, but something that melted and moulded into his edges, slotting together as if they’d been designed to fit into each other all long, like they were—

“Puzzle pieces,” Joshua said to himself, smiling a little fondly. Seokmin was terrible at puzzles. 

He couldn’t help but think of that one jigsaw puzzle that Jeonghan had bought Seokmin for his birthday, and the two of them had bickered for fifteen minutes straight on whether Seokmin would actually be able to complete it. Seokmin said that of course he could, and Joshua said he definitely could not.

(In the end, it turned out that Seokmin could not, but Joshua helped him finish it anyway.)

When Joshua pushed, Seokmin pulled.  Where Joshua was cat-like, easy grins and quick thoughts, Seokmin was puppy-like, bright and boundless energy and endless kindness. Seokmin could never say no to anyone, and while Joshua was getting a little better at it, he could still never say no to Seokmin.

A myriad of not-quite contradictions, of almost-opposites and nearly-differents. Of “Shua hyung?”s and “Yes Seokmin?”s and “Nothing, I just wanted to see if you were still listening to me”s.

Soulmates, but in the truest sense of the word—the person whose soul was meant to reside next to his.

Joshua set down the teaspoon, frowning thoughtfully. When he put it like that, it did sound an awful lot like they were in love. Perhaps he should’ve realised he’d fallen for Seokmin a lot sooner.

Because that was what it was, wasn’t it? Joshua had fallen for Seokmin, perhaps long, long ago, fallen for his entire being and everything he was.

And it took him listening to Seokmin’s laugh to finally realise.

His phone rang, then, a wonderful tune of Jeonghan screaming really loudly that the man had set as the custom ringtone for himself, and with a sigh, Joshua set down his coffee and picked up. 

“What do you want?” 

“Let’s go out.” 

“No thanks. I’m flattered, Han, but I don’t like you in that way.” 

“Idiot,” Jeonghan said, and Joshua chuckled. “Come on, let’s go for a walk down the river.” 

Joshua hummed, looking down at his coffee, tracing a finger over the rim of the mug. “What if I have plans? And what if I don’t want to go out?”

“Joshuji. If you were busy, you wouldn’t have picked up so fast,” Jeonghan said, tone patronising, like this was obvious. “It’s a very nice day for a walk today, you know. Also, Seungcheol’s coming. We all wanna go on a walk together, so join us.”

That made Joshua wrinkle his nose. “No thanks. I don’t have plans to be a third wheel today.”

There was a pause.

“I’ll ask Seokmin to come too.”

Joshua blinked, and then cursed his own heart for jumping hopefully at the mere mention of Seokmin’s name. “And why are you telling me that?”

“Just because,” Jeonghan said, and Joshua could almost picture his flippant shrug. “He said he hasn’t seen you in a week. Have you been avoiding him, hm?”

“No,” Joshua said, and then coughed. Jeonghan hummed sceptically at his words.

“Sure.”

“Why would I be avoiding him?” Joshua continued. “He can come invade my home whenever he wants. He’s done it before. I’m not avoiding him.”

Joshua was definitely avoiding him.

It had been a week since their friendaversary dinner, and Joshua hadn’t seen Seokmin once, too preoccupied with sitting on his couch, staring blankly at the wall and contemplating the fact that he was in love with Seokmin.

He couldn’t bring himself to see Seokmin, not just yet—not before he was sure that he wouldn’t do something utterly ridiculous when they next saw each other. He wasn’t keen on abruptly professing his love the moment he saw Seokmin’s face. Or ruffling his hair and kissing his cheeks and staring, wide-eyed and in awe as Seokmin did something painfully ordinary, like breathing or being alive or just smiling even remotely in Joshua’s direction.

Joshua blinked rapidly as suddenly, his thoughts conjured a vivid image of Seokmin beaming at him, his sunshine smile glowing prettily in his mind’s eye.

“Maybe Seokmin wants you to be the one to come and see him first,” Jeonghan suggested when Joshua didn’t say anything.

Joshua ignored him, dragging a hand down his face. “Why would you telling me that Seokmin’s coming change my answer, though?”

“Oh, it will,” Jeonghan said cheerfully. “I know things, Shuji. So come on out, we’ll meet at the front of Cheol’s house in fifteen minutes. See you.”

He hung up, then, leaving Joshua to stare down at the blinking contact, shaking his head and wondering whether Jeonghan actually knew something or if he was just being Jeonghan yet again. 

And then, he got up from the sofa and went to his room to get ready.

───────────── ‘✦,

Yoon Jeonghan, that little rat.

“Yoon Jeonghan, that little rat,” Joshua muttered, watching as Jeonghan walked away, arm slung over Seungcheol’s shoulders. It was a bit of a struggle, because Seungcheol was one broad guy, but Jeonghan managed.

Of course he did. He'd do anything to ensure the success of his schemes, and this was all part of his ploy to abandon Joshua with Seokmin.

Seokmin, who was pressed close to his side, as they both watched Jeonghan and Seungcheol walk away.

Seokmin, who just turned to Joshua with a bright smile, seemingly undeterred by Jeonghan’s horrific betrayal. 

“Well,” he chirped, eyes crinkling prettily, and suddenly Jeonghan’s betrayal didn’t feel so bad. “Guess we get to spend the rest of the afternoon as just the two of us!”

Indeed they did.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol had been with them for a total of forty five minutes before suddenly, an inescapable emergency emerged, one that urgently required both of them to rush home and leave Seokmin and Joshua alone. Not before insisting that they had to finish the walk together, of course.

Cursing Jeonghan inwardly, Joshua plastered a smile onto his face, a smile that softened into something a little more genuine as Seokmin continued beaming.

“Yeah. Seems like it’s just us.”

The gentle rushing sounds of the river seemed to gurgle in harmony with Seokmin as the younger resumed his chattering, the two of them continuing their leisurely strolling alongside the river.

It really was a nice day for a walk. Joshua hadn’t really had the chance to appreciate how pleasant everything was that day, too busy avoiding Seokmin and even trying to squish himself between Jeonghan and Seungcheol so that he didn’t have to talk to Seokmin for too long and stare into those pretty, pretty eyes.

But now Joshua had no choice but to walk with Seokmin and so, accepting his fate, he was able to look around and acknowledge that today truly was a nice day.

The sun shone brightly, glistening and glinting off of the waves of the river, off of the leaves of the trees, off of the sparkles in Seokmin’s eyes. There was a pleasant breeze, rustling the reeds and ruffling Seokmin’s hair and giving him an adorably windswept fringe that he kept brushing back with one, delicate finger. It was a nice day to look out at the picturesque river, at the general public going about their daily business, at Seokmin’s adorable eye crinkles as he animatedly told a story.

Okay. Maybe Joshua spent half the time staring at Seokmin’s face rather than doing anything else.

It was kind of unavoidable, however, given the way that Seokmin was comfortably pressed into his side, his hands warm as they tucked themselves into the crook of Joshua’s elbow, clinging to him in a way that Joshua, admittedly, thought was very adorable. And Seokmin kept talking, his voice bright and bubbly and every time he smiled, Joshua had no choice but to direct his full attention to Seokmin and Seokmin only.

“And I just watched them the entire time, seeing what they would do after they saw the seagull slip on the log and fall off. Because surely they’d try to go around the log, right? But then the ducks just—” Seokmin cut himself off, one hand coming up to muffle the laugh that escaped his lips, and Joshua found himself smiling too.

“The ducks did what?”

“They just waddled up to the log and one by one slipped off and landed into the water,” Seokmin laughed, and mimicked a duck’s waddle with his head before putting on a dramatically surprised face and pretending to fall into imaginary water.

It had Joshua laughing, endeared, steadying Seokmin as the younger stumbled into him. They really were walking quite close together.

This was the unfortunate thing about being friends with a Lee Seokmin for five years. The man developed a complete lack of understanding for something called ‘Joshua’s personal space’. 

It was a concept that didn’t exist. Not to him, not when they’d known each other for far too long after Jeonghan had introduced Joshua to him all those years ago. For Seokmin, it was totally natural to be practically walking together as one person with Joshua as they made their way down the riverbank. Totally normal for him to be leaning into Joshua most of the time, rather than actually standing on his own two feet.

Joshua wouldn’t normally have a problem with it. He was well aware of Seokmin’s clinginess, and would either respond by pushing him away or letting him do what he wanted, without thinking too much about it.

Now, though. Now things were different. 

Because he was in love with Seokmin, and that made everything a lot harder.

“Did you know that ducks are half-nocturnal?” Seokmin said abruptly, and Joshua blinked.

“I did not know that,” he said. “Why do you know that?”

Seokmin just shrugged casually, his shoulder bumping against Joshua’s. “Got bored,” he said. “Remember, like, a month ago, when you just kept talking about all your different cousins for an hour straight and you accused me of not listening to you?”

“I do. You started sulking.”

“Yeah!” Seokmin grinned, like it was no big deal. “Well, I lied to you, hyung. I wasn’t listening. I was searching up duck facts.”

“Wow.” Joshua stared at him. “You’d choose searching up duck facts over listening to your own hyung talk? I’m hurt, Seokmin. How could you?”

Seokmin only laughed, reaching out for Joshua when the elder dramatically ripped his arm away from his hold, beginning to speed-walk down the path away from him. It didn’t take long for Seokmin to catch up with him again, latching himself to his side once more, even when Joshua refused to look at him.

“Shua hyung, I didn’t mean it like that,” Seokmin whined, pouting. When Joshua didn’t react, he whined again. “Shua hyung! Hey, hey, pay attention to me.”

Joshua steadfastly avoided looking over at Seokmin. Part of it was to keep up the act of being mad at him, but part of it was because if he looked over at Seokmin at that moment, there was a good chance that Joshua would simply combust on the spot.

When Seokmin pouted like that with his huge, round puppy eyes and made those whining sounds in the back of his throat, it was so utterly endearing that it took everything in Joshua to not just fall to his knees right then and there. Seokmin was quite easily one of the most adorable people that Joshua knew, and what made matters worse was the fact that Seokmin didn’t really seem to know just how adorable he really was.

“Shua hyung,” Seokmin said again, very sadly, and Joshua finally looked at him. The moment they made eye contact, Seokmin’s entire being positively lit up, and Joshua had to look away again.

Goodness. It was so hard being in love.

“Alright, I forgive you,” Joshua said, before Seokmin could do something ridiculous like pout all pathetically and whine out a sad Shua hyung again.

“Cool!” Seokmin said instantly, beaming, the earlier sadness wiped from his expression like it never even existed in the first place. “That’s good, ‘cause you’re my favourite hyung, Shua hyung, so I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

Seokmin sounded like he was teasing, when he said it like that, but Joshua couldn’t be too sure. Thinking about it for too long made his head feel all dizzy.

Woah. This really wasn’t good.

While Joshua didn’t necessarily dislike being in love with Seokmin, because it was impossible to put the word ‘dislike’ and ‘Seokmin’ in the same sentence, it dawned on him now that it made it very hard to function normally around the younger man. It made him feel all melty and gooey inside whenever Seokmin so much as looked over at him, and when Seokmin smiled, Joshua could feel himself melt and could hardly even think straight for several seconds after.

But, well. Seokmin was grinning widely at him, tugging his arm to pull him along the path and saying there was normally a very nice lady selling roses on the riverbank and wouldn’t Shua hyung like a rose too?, and he was being just so very Seokmin that it made Joshua smile.

“Of course,” he said, chuckling, as Seokmin slipped his hand into his and they began jogging down the path. “Of course I’d love a rose. Only if you’re paying, though.”

───────────── ‘✦,

“I'm in love with Seokmin,” Joshua declared, loudly, the moment he opened the door to Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s shared apartment.

Seungcheol blinked at him from the hallway, a half-eaten slice of toast on the floor from where he’d dropped it in surprise at Joshua's sudden entrance.

“Um. Nice to know?” he said. “Took you long enough, though.”

Joshua blinked back at him. “Where’s Jeonghan? Why are you here?”

“Hey. I live here, you know,” Seungcheol pointed out, before bending down and picking up his slice of toast. He winced down at the crumbs. “Dang, that’s gonna bring in ants. Also, why are you here?” he asked, in Joshua’s direction. “And how did your date with Seokmin go?”

“It was not a—wait, if you knew I wasn’t in love with Seokmin yet, why did you set us up like that? How did you know I’d fall in love with him in the first place?”

“Because you’re you,” Jeonghan said, emerging from somewhere with a handheld vacuum cleaner in hand. He handed it to Seungcheol, who stared at him like he was some sort of holy saviour. “And because Seokmin’s Seokmin. It was bound to happen at some point.”

Joshua frowned. “That doesn't make sense.”

“Believe what you wanna believe,” Jeonghan said, shrugging. “Anyway, why did you barge into our apartment like this?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Joshua frowned again. “I hate you for abandoning us today at the river.”

“Hey, we were being helpful!” Jeonghan said, over the sound of Seungcheol noisily vacuuming up the crumbs. “Did you not have a good time? Seokmin even bought you a rose, it seems.”

“What?” Joshua looked down at the plastic-wrapped rose in his hands. He’d come straight from his walk with Seokmin to Jeonghan’s apartment, and he’d completely forgotten that he was still holding the rose. “How can you be so sure that Seokmin bought it for me? Maybe I bought it for myself.”

Jeonghan smiled, all-knowing. “This is Seokmin we’re talking about, Joshuji.”

“So?”

“So,” Jeonghan said, “you should come in. Or do you wanna stay by the doorway forever?”

Fifteen minutes later, Jeonghan had ushered him into the living room and seemed to be attempting to stuff Joshua with all the snacks in the world before he left.

Joshua sighed. “Come on, Jeonghan, why are you—”

Jeonghan simply shoved a lollipop into Joshua’s mouth, effectively shutting him up. “Shh. Let me do the talking, okay?”

“Hey, I’m the one who came to talk to you,” Joshua protested, taking the lollipop out only for Jeonghan to shove it back in again. “Why are you—What do you even have to say to me—”

“I have a lot of stuff to say to you,” Jeonghan said, and then his face abruptly morphed into a stern expression. “I am very displeased with your behaviour, Joshua-ssi.” He waved a finger in Joshua’s direction. “You haven’t been treating Seokmin well.”

Joshua choked on his lollipop. “What?”

“You’ve been avoiding him,” Jeonghan said, still in that stern tone. 

“Avoiding him? What do you mean?”

Jeonghan straightened, adjusting imaginary glasses and began listing off of his fingers. “First, you talked to Seokmin for a grand total of 7 minutes and 43 seconds during our friendaversary dinner the other week. Out of a five hour gathering? That’s terrible.”

“Were you timing us?”

“Next, you ignore him for a whole week. You don’t call him, nor do you reply to his texts, nor do you even text him first.”

“I never reply to anyone’s texts.”

“And then today,” Jeonghan declared, throwing his hands up like a grand climax, “you did everything in your power to avoid him entirely while we were all walking together. I’m terribly displeased with you, Joshua-ssi.”

Joshua raised a hand confusedly, the lollipop held in the other. “Okay, Jeonghan, what are you talking about? Why are you displeased?” he asked. “Also can we, uh, backtrack a bit? You didn’t fully acknowledge the… thing.” He reddened slightly. “The fact that I have, uh, feelings for… him.”

“Hm?” Jeonghan unwrapped a chocolate, offering it to Joshua before abruptly popping it into his own mouth. “Oh, I knew about that.”

Joshua’s eyes widened. “How?”

“That dinner, for starters,” Jeonghan said with his mouth full. He shook his head at Joshua’s surprise, the ‘you’re being weird right now’ tone clear in his voice. “Honestly, did you black out for the entire evening? You were watching Seokmin the entire time, Joshua. Seungcheol even has a video.”

“I do,” Seungcheol said, his voice appearing out of nowhere right over Joshua’s shoulder, making him jump.

“Oh my—Where did you come from?”

Seungcheol just grinned, whipping out his phone and showing Joshua the video.

And the video was… pretty incriminating. It was a little blurry, made ambiguous by the haze of smoke wafting from the meat and the frankly terrible cameraman-ship, but Joshua could recognise himself easily. 

He watched as video-Joshua sat back in his chair, glass in hand, and there were about five people standing up and yelling at each other on screen but video-Joshua’s gaze was unmistakably, undeniably fixed on Seokmin and Seokmin alone, eyes crinkling adoringly, smiling so ridiculously wide as Seokmin just continued talking, entirely oblivious.

Seokmin said something intelligible, words lost to the noise of the restaurant, but video-Joshua just smiled even wider, eyes turning into endeared crescents and Joshua could almost see the hearts emanating from his own gaze. 

“Huh,” he said weakly, once Seungcheol vanished after showing him the video. Like he was nothing more than a cameo in Jeonghan's entire interrogation, or something. “Well.”

Jeonghan nodded, smug. “Although, I did know even before that,” he added. “I predicted it from the moment you first met him. I wanted to show you the video, though, because it makes it pretty obvious.”

“The mome—you know what, I’m not going to ask,” Joshua said, and then sighed. “Alright, so you know. And you have nothing to say about it?”

“Other than the fact you should stop being mean to Seokmin?” Jeonghan shrugged, taking out another chocolate and eating it. “Nope. You guys would be great together.”

“What?” Decidedly ignoring that last statement, Joshua waved the lollipop he was still holding in Jeonghan’s direction, annoyed, and in answer, Jeonghan just shoved it back in his mouth again. “I’m not being mean to him. When am I ever mean to him?”

He took the lollipop out of his mouth again  and then set it down on the coffee table, ignoring the affronted noise Jeonghan made when the sticky sweet came into contact with the wood. 

This entire conversation was not going how Joshua thought it would. He’d expected at least some degree of surprise from Jeonghan, maybe even a little bit of comfort whilst Joshua had a small mental breakdown in front of him. He certainly hadn’t expected Jeonghan to somehow already know everything, even before Joshua knew. Nor had he expected to be scolded for how he’d dealt with his feelings.

“This past week! I just told you, Joshua-ssi,” Jeonghan said. 

“Can you stop calling me ‘Joshua-ssi’? It makes it sound like you’re mad at me.”

“I am mad at you,” Jeonghan responded, sniffing and turning his nose up. “Okay, but seriously, Seokmin thought that he’d done something wrong. He thought you were upset at him, which is exactly why I made you come out on that walk today.” He stabbed a finger in Joshua’s direction. “You, sir, are terrible at handling your feelings.”

Joshua sighed. “Can you blame me, though? Being in love is—is weird. Seokmin is just so…” He paused, wringing his hands. “He’s so sweet and kind and genuine and realising that you’ve fallen for someone like that is, I think, a very justifiable cause for having a breakdown for a week.”

Jeonghan frowned. “It makes it sound like you don’t think he’d like you back.”

“Of course he wouldn't,” Joshua said, like it was obvious. “He’s Seokmin, and I’m—” Joshua swallowed, a lump rising in his throat. “I’m just me.”

“Just you?”

“Look at it this way,” Joshua explained, since apparently Jeonghan didn’t understand this horribly simple concept of Joshua being literally a potato compared to Seokmin. “Seokmin is a star, a brilliantly shining ball of light. And then this is me.”

Joshua unwrapped one of the chocolates, holding up the brown ball. Jeonghan blinked at it, before taking both the wrapper and chocolate from him, popping the treat into his mouth.

“I still don’t get it,” Jeonghan said. “So what? Chocolate is yummy.”

“I like him too much to risk melting away under his Sun, if I get too close,” Joshua explained, and then shook his head. “Seriously, I like him so much, Jeonghan. Him and his smile and his laugh and that ridiculously loud voice of his…” He smiled slightly, and then sighed. “I like Seokmin far too much to risk even thinking about if he could like me back. It’d ruin our friendship.”

Jeonghan tilted his head. “Is it really that absurd to consider that Seokmin may like you back?”

Joshua thought of Seokmin and his golden smiles, his beautiful bright voice and his gentle hands and his warm presence, and swallowed.

“Yeah,” he said, a little hoarsely. “I think it is.”

There was a short silence then, as Jeonghan bit his lip, seeming to soften a little at Joshua’s answer, a complicated expression filling his eyes.

Then he leaned over and hit Joshua over the head with the chocolate wrapper.

“Hey!” Joshua protested, brushing at his hair. “Why did you do that?”

“Because you’re an idiot,” Jeonghan said matter-of-factly. “You think it’s absurd? I think you’re absurd, Joshuji.” Oh, good, at least he wasn’t calling Joshua ‘Joshua-ssi’ anymore. “You're being a coward. Don’t deny it, it’s true. Taking a whole week to process your feelings? Please. You were just hiding because you were scared.”

That made Joshua wince a little, because Jeonghan was, unfortunately, quite correct.

“Just take that leap,” Jeonghan said, gentler. He poked Joshua in the cheek affectionately. “Jump. Jump towards Seokmin, Joshuji, because I promise, he’ll be there for you. Even if he doesn’t feel the same. Which, I assure you, is highly unlikely.”

Joshua’s eyes melted, irises looking a little shiny. “But what if I jump and just… fall?”

“He’d never let that happen,” Jeonghan promised. “Jump and fall into him, Joshuji. He’s there to catch you.”

───────────── ‘✦,

It was only a few days later that Joshua realised Jeonghan had essentially told him to confess. Luckily for Joshua, though, there was no way on Earth that was happening.

“You’re an idiot,” Jeonghan said into his ear. “The biggest idiot I’ve ever met. Even more of an idiot than Mingyu, which is definitely saying something.”

“I’m not doing it, Jeonghan,” Joshua said with a shake of his head. “I don’t know why you thought that I would.”

“I gave you a whole emotional speech and everything! Of course I thought you would!”

Jeonghan had called him five minutes ago, asking if everything had been going well in regards to ‘The Business’, where it had been revealed that Joshua a) had no idea what ‘The Business’ was, and b) had not gone through with it at all.

“Listen, Joshua. Seokmin, he’s always talking ab—” Jeonghan cut himself off again with a frustrated groan. “I’m friends with idiots. All of you are idiots.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Please do it,” Jeonghan said, and now he sounded like he was begging. Joshua didn’t quite know why. It wasn’t like the world would end if he didn’t confess. “For my peace of mind, please confess.”

“For your peace of mind?” Joshua repeated. “What?”

“The weather looks pretty good next weekend,” Jeonghan added. “Seokmin hasn’t gone to the amusement park in a while. He’s always said he wanted to go on the ferris wheel, even though he’s scared of heights. And you know how much of a romantic at heart Seokmin is.”

Joshua frowned. “Why are you telling me this?”

“You know why.” Jeonghan didn’t add anything further to that statement. “Anyway, I gotta go. See you. Make use of this info, okay?”

“What am I even meant to use it f—Jeonghan? Jeonghan?” Joshua looked down at his phone, where Jeonghan had abruptly hung up on him, mystified. He really wished sometimes that Jeonghan would do things that made sense.

He set down his phone, tilted his head back, and sighed. He was sighing an awful lot these days. He was just considering whether being in love could give you some sort of illness that caused excessive sighing when his phone rang again, but this time with a different ringtone: Seokmin’s ringtone.

Joshua had annoying and clingy friends who, apparently, really loved customising their ringtones on his phone.

“Hello, Seokmin,” Joshua said, unable to stop the small smile spreading across his face as the name left his lips. “How are you?”

“Good evening, Shua hyung,” Seokmin chirped, and he sounded so lovely and bright that the smile on Joshua's face widened a little. “I’m doing good! I was just calling because it’s a Friday, and we normally call on Fridays, so I was just—I wanted to call you.” He fumbled with his words, stumbling a bit before hurriedly adding, “Of course, if you’re busy, we don’t have to talk! Since, like, we didn’t call last week, if you don’t want to from now on then I totally respect your decision, you know?”

“No, it’s okay,” Joshua interrupted, before Seokmin could begin spiralling. “I mean. Yes. I’d like that. For us to continue calling, that is.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah,” Joshua said, biting his lip to stop himself from smiling ridiculously wide to himself. “Yeah, really.”

“Oh,” Seokmin said again, after a flusteredly warm silence. He coughed a little. “Um, in which case, I’d really like that too.”

Joshua closed his eyes and leaned back, smiling into the phone and trying desperately to calm down his heart because goodness, it should be illegal for someone to make him feel this fluttery on the inside.

“So, anyway,” Seokmin said, and even Joshua could detect the smile in his voice, “I heard that it’s going to be really sunny for the next week or so! Seungkwan wants to plan a long weekend where we all go to the beach to make the most of the sun.”

“Does he really?” Joshua said, with a laugh. “Just because it’s sunny doesn’t mean it’ll be warm, though.”

“That’s exactly what I told him! But he’s still insisting we go,” Seokmin complained.

“What, all of us?”

“I think so. He’ll definitely drag me along, at the very least. Me and Soonyoung hyung and Hansol and Chan. Chan’s definitely going to ditch, though,” Seokmin said conspiratorially. “I think he’s gonna make up some pretend event that he accidentally double-booked himself with so that he doesn’t have to go.”

“Oh, really?” Joshua said with a laugh. “Seungkwan’s not gonna like that at all.”

Seokmin laughed too, bright and delighted, and if possible, Joshua’s smile widened. “He’s really not. I’m also really hoping he’s joking. Because otherwise, I might have to accidentally double-book myself too so I don’t have to go.”

“What would you double-book yourself with?”

“Hm, well…”

Joshua liked talking to Seokmin. Not only because he was in love with him (a fact he was slowly getting used to, having repeated the words so many times to himself) but because Seokmin was an incredibly fun person.

Without a doubt, every time they talked, Joshua would find himself laughing, either because of something he’d said or in response to Seokmin’s own laughter. 

And as Seokmin continued talking, little laughs escaping him whenever he thought of something particularly funny, Joshua listened intently, the smile still on his face. Seokmin really did have such a wonderful laugh, he thought, a little fondly. Beautiful, like golden bursts of light.

“Poor Hansol’s gonna get dragged into Seungkwan’s whole thing, though,” Seokmin was saying, and then laughed. “He's so whipped that he’ll literally do anything that he wants, no questions asked.”

Joshua chuckled. “That sounds like a very Hansol thing to do.” 

“Yeah,” Seokmin laughed, “So Seungkwan’s telling us to keep next weekend free. So of course, I’m gonna do my best to book up my entire weekend.”

Joshua chuckled, about to say something before blinking, Jeonghan’s weird information dump from earlier suddenly hitting him like a lightning bolt, as if someone had struck him on the head with it to remind him of Jeonghan’s words.

“Hey, Seokmin,” he said after a moment. “If you’re trying to book up your weekend, then do you want to go to the amusement park with me?”

A pause.

“Seokmin?”

“Sorry, sorry.” Seokmin sounded a little wheezy, like he’d run a marathon in those last three seconds of silence. “What did you say?”

“I was asking if you wanted to go to the amusement park with me,” Joshua repeated, trying to keep his voice steady and calm. If he started having a breakdown at that moment, there was a good chance that Seokmin would say no. Maybe. Probably. 

Another pause.

“Seokmin?”

“Yes,” Seokmin replied, the word leaving him as a rush of air. “Sorry, hyung, there was just—something. I had something in my, uh, ear. But yes. I’d love to go to the amusement park with you next week.”

Joshua breathed a silent sigh of relief, the beginnings of a smile making the corners of his lips twitch upwards. “You would?”

“Yeah, of course I would!” Seokmin said a little too quickly, and then coughed. “I mean. Yes. You’re my favourite, how could I not?”

That made Joshua laugh, certain that Seokmin was teasing, just like how they always teased each other. “You’re my favourite too,” he said back, smiling. “Okay, in which case, I’ll book the tickets and text you the details, okay? Would you prefer Saturday or Sunday?”

“Any. We can even go both days so I can avoid Seungkwan’s trip, if you’d like,” Seokmin offered, and Joshua laughed again.

“Got it. Well, I guess it’s a date,” he said, too delighted at the prospect of spending time with Seokmin like this to fully process the words until they had left his mouth.

To his surprise, however, Seokmin didn’t seem to freak out, or pause for a scarily long time that made Joshua rethink his entire life’s decisions.

Instead, Seokmin laughed: a sweet, melting sound, all delicate and tiny, like little stars.

“I guess it’s a date,” he agreed, almost shy. Joshua didn’t get to dwell on it for long, though, because Seokmin was already launching into the next conversation topic that popped into his head, rambling about some new training regiment thing that Mingyu recently dragged him into that left him with an aching body for days on end.

And Joshua listened, the smile dancing across his lips, the blush warm on his cheeks, realising that he’d finally accepted that he was in love with Seokmin, now, and he wanted only one thing.

To stay close, by Seokmin’s side, and jump and fall right into his arms.

───────────── ‘✦,

“So that’s how I ended up securing this date,” Joshua finished, and Jeonghan stared at him, eyes wide, mouth open.

“You actually did it,” he said, the surprise evident in his tone. “Wow. I thought you’d chicken out again.”

Joshua punched Jeonghan in the shoulder, giving the man a wry smile. “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said dryly. “This isn’t even a real date, though. I don’t know why you insisted on coming to drop me off.”

The two of them were waiting outside the amusement park entrance, because Joshua had told Jeonghan that he’d booked the tickets for himself and Seokmin, and the man had instantly insisted that he’d drive Joshua there and hear all about how it had happened.

So here they were, chatting and standing around, waiting for Seokmin to arrive. 

Jeonghan shrugged. “I wanted to hear the story.”

“Of course you did,” Joshua said, not unkindly, a small smile raising the corners of his lips. “No but, also, I realised something, during that conversation.”

“What?”

“I had time to think it all over, right? And I was just thinking that I didn’t really want to run away from him,” Joshua explained. He smiled, his gaze distant. “I want to stay close to him. ‘Cause I really, really like him a lot.”

Jeonghan looked over at his best friend, noting the way his eyes had softened in the way they only did when he was thinking about Seokmin. He smiled to himself, before punching Joshua in the arm as payback, shaking the man out of his thoughts.

“Good,” Jeonghan said with a smile. “It’ll break Seokmin’s heart if you try to stay away from him.”

Joshua chuckled. “You’re saying that as if Seokmin has a crush on me.”

Jeonghan wiggled his eyebrows. “He might. Who knows? Maybe he’ll end up falling for your ridiculous charms today.”

Joshua laughed at that, properly, and then punched Jeonghan in the arm just because, prompting the two of them to get into a childish little punching fight. Eventually, Jeonghan conceded with a haughty sniff, as if he’d abruptly decided he was above such petty disputes.

Then he stuck his tongue out at Joshua, making him laugh.

“So, anyways,” Jeonghan said, simply carrying on with the previous conversation as if they’d never stopped, “remember. Seokmin likes the ferris wheel, so take him on it, will you? He might talk about it, but he’ll be too shy to offer to go on it, so you need to be the one who asks,” Jeonghan said.

“Why do I need to take him on the ferris wheel?”

“Because Seokmin wants it.”

“Oh.” Joshua thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. “Sure. I’ll do that. Anything else?”

Jeonghan hummed thoughtfully, before shrugging. “Nothing that you don’t know already. He loves the snacks. Buy the matching headbands if he so much as mentions them. Don’t go on any roller coasters unless he sounds like he wants to go on them. Make sure that you win him at least one plushie otherwise he’ll sulk for hours.”

Joshua smiled a little at that, because he really did know all of that already. “Got it. It’s a good thing I’m better than you at those fairground games, huh?”

He received another punch on the arm for that comment.

“Shua hyung!”

A bright, delighted voice made him look up, however, and when he finally pinpointed the voice, there was Seokmin, a brilliant beam on his face as he ran over to where Joshua and Jeonghan were standing, and Joshua’s heart positively swelled at the sight.

“Hi,” Seokmin said, a little breathless, when he finally came to a stop beside him. His eyes were shining. 

“Hi yourself,” Joshua said back, smiling. 

Seokmin beamed, before seeming to finally notice Jeonghan’s presence, looking over at the elder who was watching them with a slight smirk on his face. Almost imperceptibly, the smile on Seokmin’s face wavered.

“Oh, Jeonghan hyung. Are you, uh, joining us?” he asked. “Is it gonna be me, Shua hyung… and you?”

Jeonghan blinked, and then chuckled. “No, no. I just came to drop Joshua off, and make sure you arrived safely too. I wouldn’t want to impose on your date.” He patted Joshua on the shoulder, and then pinched Seokmin’s cheek, steadfastly ignoring the way both of them looked a little flushed. “Be safe, you two. Don’t stay out too late.”

“It’s an amusement park, not a club,” Seokmin laughed, and he eagerly waved Jeonghan off, already interlinking his arm with Joshua’s. “Bye, hyung! Drive safely!”

Joshua watched Jeonghan go, and had the pleasure of having a scarily intense conversation through eye contact with him, one that was mainly full of messages of Be good to him and You better take that leap today otherwise I’m coming after you before Joshua finally turned away.

Damn. Jeonghan really could be intimidating when he wanted to.

“Well,” Seokmin said brightly, making Joshua look over at him. He looked like he was glowing with excitement. “Shall we go in?”

His lips lifted upwards, a soft pink curve of happiness, and Joshua smiled too, using their linked arms to ever-so-subtly pull Seokmin just a little closer into his side.

───────────── ‘✦,

“Oh, hyung, look at that! Are those balloons? Are they selling balloons?”

Going to an amusement park with Seokmin, Joshua was quickly realising, was a lot like venturing into a sweet shop with an excitable child.

Chaotic.

Seokmin was a ball of energy, bouncing on his feet and vibrating by Joshua’s side the moment they entered. The golden-brown puppy ears of the headband he was wearing bobbed up and down with his movements as he dragged Joshua around the park by the hand, eagerly pointing towards the man selling large, obnoxious metallic balloons like they were the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Joshua just laughed, letting Seokmin pull him along, the ears of his own headband flopping against his head. He was wearing a headband too, because of course he was, because Seokmin had picked up the white bunny ears and claimed that they fit him so well, so who was Joshua to refuse?

They almost looked like a couple, with their adorable headbands. 

Thinking about it for too long made Joshua feel all squiggly and happy inside, though, so he tried not to think at all and instead let Seokmin do whatever he wanted.

“Can we buy one, Shua hyung? Please?” Seokmin asked, turning to Joshua with big, shining eyes, and really, it was like this entire day was trying to test whether Joshua really would never say no to Seokmin.

“Sure,” Joshua said, smiling when Seokmin’s eyes crinkled delightedly. “Which one do you want?”

Seokmin glowed. “That shiny strawberry one!”

And so, the rest of their date-not-date carried on. Joshua held onto the string of the strawberry balloon, following Seokmin around as the younger man bounced across the amusement park, hyped up on all the sugar that Joshua had been feeding him. Seokmin looked around the park with a child-like fascination, eyes big and round like he’d never been to an amusement park before, and it made Joshua laugh, endeared, offering Seokmin more candy floss and churros and letting Seokmin grab his wrist and pull him through the park.

“I haven’t been to an amusement park in ages,” Seokmin said to him when they were riding the carousel for the third time in a row. He leaned over to Joshua, bobbing up and down slowly on his horse, nudging the elder in the side with a grin. “Thank you for taking me here.”

“Of course,” Joshua replied, eyes crinkling, patting Seokmin on the back. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”

Seokmin’s eyes sparkled. The flashy golden lights of the carousel made him look like he was glowing from an ethereal light within as he beamed widely.

“I’m having the best time,” Seokmin confirmed. “Way better than Seungkwan will, anyway.” Joshua tilted his head with a smile.

“Oh?”

“I bet the others are suffering right now,” Seokmin confided gleefully, as his horse gently rose up and down. “Seungkwan managed to beg Junhui hyung and Chan to come with him.”

“Wait. They really went to the beach?” Joshua asked, surprised. 

“Mhm!” Seokmin nodded. “Kwan didn’t let Chan double-book himself, and then he went all sulky on Junhui until hyung caved. And then Hansol’s with him too, because duh.”

Joshua chuckled a little at that. “I can’t believe he went through with it. Well, it certainly is sunny today, so maybe they’ll still have a good time?”

Seokmin laughed. “It’s going to be so cold along the coast,” he said, delighted. “They’re gonna freeze!”

His obvious joy at their friends’ misfortunes was rather adorable, and it had Joshua laughing properly, the squeaky carousel music and Seokmin’s laughter ringing in his ears.

After they’d ridden the carousel thrice, Seokmin took Joshua to the photobooths, and then went hunting for more snacks, adamant about avoiding all the rollercoasters with a determined pout on his face that Joshua, devastatingly, thought was terribly cute. 

Joshua was content to allow Seokmin to dictate whatever they did, paying close attention to the younger’s expressions, dutifully carrying around that strawberry balloon, buying snacks, watching a rip-off ‘Punch and Judy’ puppet show with him, and taking all the pictures for Seokmin whenever he wanted.

That was what they were doing right now, the balloon string tied around Joshua’s wrist so he could use both hands to take pictures of Seokmin with the giant shiba inu plushie that Joshua had just won him.

It had taken him a good half hour along with an obscene amount of money, and he’d almost given up countless times, but Seokmin was vibrating so hopefully by his side, so he’d carried on. Even when the guy manning the coconut shy stall looked at him like he was mad for putting so much effort into a silly fairground game, the look of utter joy on Seokmin’s face when Joshua handed the plushie to him more than made up for the struggle.

And it seemed that it was yet another item to add onto the list of ‘Ridiculous Things That Joshua Hong Would Do For Lee Seokmin’.

“Oh, wow, you look adorable,” Joshua said, amazed, as he looked through the photos he’d taken of Seokmin. “Look. The colours of your headband’s ears match the plushie, too.”

Seokmin leaned over, chin resting on his shoulder as he peered at the photos. “Oh, you’re right!” He laughed delightedly as Joshua handed the camera back to him. “Thank you so much, Shua hyung. These are so pretty.”

Joshua chuckled. You’re prettier, he wanted to say, but he swallowed the words down, smiling. 

“It’s ‘cause the plushie is so pretty,” he teased, laughing as Seokmin glared at him. “Why? Do you not like it? Should I take the plushie away?”

Seokmin danced out of Joshua’s reach as the elder made as if to take the toy out of his arms. “No! No, never! You gave it to me, so it’s mine now,” he said, incredibly seriously, squishing the plushie protectively against his chest. “No take-backsies.”

He glared in faux anger, and Joshua laughed, relenting, putting his hands up placatingly. “Okay, okay, I won’t. Are you gonna give the plushie a name?”

“Hmm.” Instantly, the glare melted from Seokmin’s face, replaced by a thoughtful look as he drifted closer to Joshua again, patting the head of the shiba inu, bumping shoulders with him as he did so. “I’m not sure.”

“How about ‘Mingyu’?” Joshua suggested, grinning, chuckling when Seokmin elbowed him in the side. 

“Never. He doesn’t get the honour of having the same name as something that Shua hyung won me,” Seokmin said, pursing his lips thoughtfully as he held the shiba inu up. “How about Seokmin Junior?”

Joshua wrinkled his nose at that, shaking his head. “No. That’s a terrible idea.” 

Seokmin pouted, and Joshua just pinched his cheek affectionately, still thinking. He crossed his arms, and the movement made the metallic balloon (still tied to his wrist) shift too, the floating, bubblegum-pink strawberry balloon bumping against the side of his head. He looked over at it thoughtfully as he swatted it away.

“How about,” he said after a moment, “How about ‘Berry’?”

“Berry?” Seokmin repeated, and then looked at the plushie contemplatively. “Berry the shiba inu.” He looked up at Joshua, grinning. “I love it! It can be Berry the shiba inu.”

Joshua smiled, endeared by Seokmin’s sheer happiness as the younger hugged the plushie tight, pressing a kiss to its soft forehead. And then, because he couldn’t help it, he reached over and ruffled Seokmin’s hair fondly, and began to lead them away from the coconut stall.

“Alright. Where do you wanna go next, Seokmin?”

───────────── ‘✦,

They ended up in the line for the spinning teacups ride.

It was well and truly the afternoon now. They had been there since late morning, and Joshua’s feet kind of hurt from the amount of walking and standing they’d been doing, and even Seokmin was beginning to look a little uncomfortable as he shifted from foot to foot.

Nevertheless, neither of them suggested going back home, and Joshua couldn’t help but feel a little touched at the notion that Seokmin wanted to spend time as just the two of them just as much as Joshua did.

So here they were, patiently waiting in line, because Seokmin had suddenly gotten an eager, shining look in his eyes and insisted that he wanted to ride the spinning teacups even when Joshua had told him that it might make him sick. But Seokmin had been adamant, so here they were, leaning against the railing and watching the people getting into the teacups.

“Remember when we all went to the amusement park a few summers ago?” Seokmin was asking. He was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, vibrating. “It was so hot that day, and half of the rides had been shut down for maintenance, but we made the most of it.”

Joshua smiled a little. It had been a fun outing. They didn’t go out with all thirteen of them often, because it was a huge group of people to manage, but whenever they did, they split up into smaller groups for most of the day. 

“You weren’t in our group, unfortunately,” Seokmin carried on, a smile spreading across his face as he reminisced, “but, oh, I really wish you had been! Myungho lost a game of rock, paper, scissors and had to be the one to go on this teacup ride with Jeonghan a total of seven times in a row. Seven!”

Joshua laughed as Seokmin animatedly recounted the event, his eyes round and earnest as he delightedly told Joshua all about how queasy Minghao had felt afterwards and how as karma, later on, Jeonghan ended up getting utterly soaked on the water boat ride.

Seokmin always recounted every story like it was the most important thing in the world, with a sincerity that was rather adorable, and Joshua would be lying if he denied paying attention to the gentle curl of Seokmin’s lips and the way they softened into the most endearing pout as he formed certain words. 

He had a very soft mouth, Joshua thought idly. Despite the amount of talking Seokmin did, Joshua thought he had very kissable lips.

It would probably ruin a thousand things if he leaned in and kissed Seokmin right then and there, unfortunately, but oh, how much Joshua really, really wanted to.

Stars in his eyes, he watched as Seokmin talked animatedly, seemingly oblivious to the way that Joshua's entire inner monologue was nothing more than a chant of “please kiss me please kiss me please kiss me” repeating over and over again. 

“So,” Seokmin finished, clasping his hands together, and Joshua finally zoned back into his ramblings. “I’m hoping our experience goes better, hyung!”

Joshua blinked, having heard the words that Seokmin was saying but only able to think of how utterly adorable he looked with his eyes shining like that. So as Seokmin beamed, bright and beautiful, he just smiled, reaching over and pinching Seokmin’s cheek, endeared.

“Of course,” Joshua said, and then winked cheesily. “Don’t worry. I’m here to protect you, Min-ah.”

Seokmin stared at him, his gaze coloured with playful disgust and another emotion that Joshua couldn’t quite name. He was about to say something else before the line finally started moving again, and it was at last their turn.

“Oh, hyung! Hyung, it’s finally us!” Seokmin exclaimed, delighted, the earlier emotion completely dissolving, replaced by giddy excitement. “Come on, we gotta go sit in the cup that spins the most!”

Seokmin dragged Joshua into the teacup that he claimed he’d seen spin the fastest, and after the brief safety introductions, the ride finally began.

“We have to spin it as hard as we can, okay,” Seokmin said, incredibly seriously. “Okay, hyung? Can you do that?”

“Of course. Can you?” Joshua teased, and Seokmin rolled his eyes. 

“Duh! Hey, move over, you're taking up so much room on the wheel. Why are your hands so big?”

“As if you don't have huge hands too, Seokmin-ah—”

They bickered over having enough space on the wheel to spin it properly, but it didn’t take long for them to get going.

Seokmin relinquished control over the wheel a few seconds into the ride and Joshua ended up with both hands on it, spinning them around at a rate that was definitely not good for anyone's stomach because Seokmin kept on insisting they go as fast as possible even though he genuinely sounded close to tears and—well. This was the reason that Seokmin didn't go on rides often. 

He was screaming with laughter, mouth open wide and refusing to close, and Joshua hardly thought he was able to breathe with how much he was laughing. Seokmin’s hands had slipped from the wheel and had instead found purchase in Joshua's shirt, doing nothing other than clinging to him and curling into his side, still screaming the entire time, sounding like he was both scared out of his mind and having the time of his life.

“Seokmin? Seokmin! Should I slow down?” Joshua yelled, because the wind was whipping in his ears, and he was sure that they looked like utter idiots to anyone who was watching them in the line.

Seokmin just screamed even louder, eyes squeezed shut, shaking his head rapidly and holding Joshua’s shirt like a lifeline. “If you slow down, I’m going to kill you!”

Joshua just laughed, tugging the wheel so hard that he almost sprained his wrist, but it made Seokmin yelp and squeeze himself further into Joshua’s side, the screams dissolving into laughs, and the bright, overjoyed sound was all that filled Joshua’s ears. 

It was beautiful. Joshua was reminded, yet again, just how much he loved Seokmin’s laugh.

If it were up to him, then for as long as he lived, Joshua would make sure that Seokmin would always, always have a reason to laugh like this.

Eventually, the ride came to a stop, and Joshua let the wheel go, allowing the teacup to slow down at its own pace, the pink-fond chuckles lingering on his lips as Seokmin continued laughing, forehead pressed against Joshua’s shoulder.

“Oh, my God,” Seokmin breathed out in between giggles, breathless from how much he’d been laughing and screaming. “Wow.”

They exited the teacup, wobbling and stumbling around like baby deer on new, spindly legs, and Seokmin just giggled uncontrollably at his own uncoordinated state.

“We left the stuff over there, Seokmin,” Joshua said, staggering forward on unsteady feet towards where they’d left the shiba inu and the giant strawberry balloon and their headbands, because Seokmin had fretted that they'd lose them if they wore them on the teacups. 

He tugged on Seokmin’s arm, because the man was walking in the completely opposite direction. The younger stumbled into him with a giggle. 

“I knew that,” Seokmin laughed, and he sounded mildly drunk, the sound giddy and loud and making Joshua chuckle. As Seokmin grasped the balloon tied to the fence, however, he tripped on his feet, hands giving the balloon a sharp tug and suddenly, somehow, there was a loud pop as the balloon inexplicably burst in Seokmin’s hands.

They both jumped, and Seokmin stared wide-eyed at where the popped balloon pieces were scattered across the floor, plastic string in his hand, before turning to look at Joshua.

“Oh,” Joshua said, after a moment, and that was all it took for Seokmin to start giggling.

“It popped,” he laughed, almost in disbelief. “Hyung, the balloon popped!”

“What did you do?” Joshua asked, laughing a little as he shook his head, amazed. “How did you manage to pop the balloon just like that?”

Seokmin shrugged, giggles subsiding as he just grinned at the string in his hands. “I dunno. That’s so weird.” He pouted suddenly. “Aw, no, that means my strawberry balloon’s all gone.”

“There, there,” Joshua said consolingly, placing the puppy ears back on Seokmin’s head before picking up the plushie and handing it towards him too, beginning to lead them out of the spinning teacups area—albeit rather slowly, since they were both still wobbly on their feet. “But look, you still have Berry the shiba inu with you, don’t you?”

Instantly, Seokmin brightened, though it took a second for him to be able to hold the plushie without dropping it. He blinked his eyes hard several times, gaze focusing and unfocusing on the shiba inu as he pouted in concentration to get his vision steady again. Joshua could almost see the little cartoon birds flying in circles around his head as he kept a wobbly pace next to Joshua, grinning dopily down at the plushie before directing that same grin up at Joshua too.

Adorable.

It took several minutes, along with a good sitting-down session on a nearby bench, but eventually both of them stopped feeling like the world was being rattled around like a snow globe, and they sat side by side in comfortable silence as they watched the people walk by.

The sky was streaked with yellows now. It was nearing the end of the day, and Joshua calculated that they probably had time for one last game or snack before they eventually had to leave.

Then, his date-not-date with Seokmin would be over.

Hm. Joshua glanced over at Seokmin, heart twisting sadly. That was a sad thought.

“Seokmin,” Joshua said, nudging Seokmin in the side, “we’re gonna have to leave soon. Is there anything you want to do before we have to go?”

Seokmin turned to him, and Joshua had the wind knocked out of him for a second because wow, Seokmin was so pretty. The sun hadn’t dipped quite low enough for it to be classed as a sunset just yet, but the grey-yellow light across Seokmin’s face brought his cheekbones into sharp relief, silvery shadows being painted down his cheeks from his eyelashes every time he blinked, the soft shape of his mouth scrunched up in thought.

Humming contemplatively, Seokmin’s gaze slid away from him for a moment, and now that he was no longer staring right into the eyes of the most beautiful person on Earth, Joshua felt like he could finally breathe a little easier.

“Let’s do something that Shua hyung wants to do,” Seokmin said, smiling, and Joshua’s poor heart jumped into his throat once again. 

“Something that I want to do?” Joshua asked, a little croaky. “Do you not have anything that you want?”

Seokmin just shrugged, smiling, strands of hair falling into his eyes as he ducked his head. “We’ve been doing the stuff that I wanted to do all day,” he said. “We should do something that Shua hyung wants, too.”

Joshua’s lips quirked into a fond smile, and he resisted the urge to tell Seokmin that all he wanted was to see Seokmin happy.

Instead, he just pinched Seokmin’s cheek affectionately, and gazed out at the rest of the park, looking around for something that he’d like to do.

But, as always, his gaze drifted back to Seokmin again. Seokmin, who had his eyes fixed on one certain structure in the distance, looking at it almost wistfully, and Joshua remembered what Jeonghan had told him several hours before.

“How about the ferris wheel?” he suggested softly, and smiled a little at the way that Seokmin instantly whipped his head round to blink at him, wide-eyed.

“The ferris wheel?”

“Do you not want to?” Joshua asked, double-checking, because while he was 90% sure that Jeonghan would never feed him false information that would make Seokmin uncomfortable, it was always good to make sure that he was really okay with it. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No! No, I—I want to.” Seokmin swallowed, and there were stars in his eyes. “I wanna ride the ferris wheel with you, hyung.”

Joshua smiled, heart feeling full to bursting as he reached over and brushed away the hair that fell into Seokmin’s eyes. Then he held out his hand, smiling impossibly wider when Seokmin reached for him without the slightest hesitation.

“Come on, then. Let’s go.”

───────────── ‘✦,

The line for the ferris wheel was relatively short, given the fact that it wasn’t long before the amusement park shut for the day, and Joshua and Seokmin didn’t have to stand in line for long before it was their turn.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Joshua checked for the fifth time as they boarded the carriage. “It goes relatively high, Seokmin. If you don’t want to, then it’s fine.”

Seokmin laughed as they each sat down on a bench in the carriage. “I’m fine, I promise. I think it’s a bit too late to get off, anyways,” he said as the wheel slowly began moving. “Besides,” he added, a little shyer, “I really did want to ride the ferris wheel with you, hyung.”

Aw.

“Aw,” Joshua said out loud, and it came out more adoring and in-love than he’d intended. He coughed. “That’s so cute, Min-ah. You wanted to spend time with hyung like this, hm?” he tacked on, grinning teasingly and leaning forward to ruffle Seokmin’s hair and tug at the puppy ears of his headband in an attempt to mask his previous sincerity.

The younger man didn’t pull a face and try to lean away, however, unlike how he normally acted around Joshua’s exaggerated coddling. Instead, he just smiled, eyes crinkling, shoulders rising towards his ears bashfully, and he really looked like a small, shy puppy. 

“Yeah,” he said, the sunlight golden on his face. “Yeah, I did.”

The sun was very much beginning to set now. Yellow light was replaced by something warmer, and the coppery colours spilled in through the windows of their carriage as the wheel continued spinning them all the way to the top.

Joshua checked on Seokmin constantly, making sure that he wasn’t too scared by the heights, but the man seemed to genuinely be having a great time, staring out of the window with wide eyes, Berry the shiba inu sitting forgotten on the seat next to him. 

“It all looks so pretty,” Seokmin said, voice hushed in awe. “Look, hyung, you can see all the places we went to from up here!”

Joshua leaned over to look down at where Seokmin was pointing. “Oh, wow. We’re so high up.” He looked at Seokmin again. “Are you really sure that you’re okay?”

Seokmin laughed a little, raising his gaze to look at Joshua. The golden sunset spilled caramel-coloured light across his irises. 

“I’m really fine,” he promised, eyes crinkling. He reached out for Joshua’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “It’s okay, ‘cause Shua hyung's here with me, isn't he?”

He squeezed Joshua’s hand, once, and then turned back to the window, and Joshua’s ears positively burned.

The wheel spun them a total of three times, and on the third round, Seokmin finally leaned away from the window, sitting back in his seat and beaming at Joshua. Joshua blinked back, and tried to pretend that he hadn’t been gazing adoringly at him the whole time.

“Thank you for bringing me here today,” Seokmin said, all sweet and sentimental and sincere. “It’s been so much fun.”

“Of course,” Joshua responded simply, smiling. “I’m just glad you had fun, Seokmin.”

Seokmin beamed, then, and Joshua smiled back, and they sat there smiling at each other for a good few seconds longer before the ferris wheel creaked to a stop at the top of its rotation for the third and final time.

“Oh!” Seokmin’s eyes lit up, and he scrambled to reach for his phone. “We need to take our last pictures of the day before the ride finishes.” He nudged Berry to the side, and then patted the empty space next to him. “Shua hyung, come sit here.”

And so Joshua went, squishing between Seokmin and the plushie, and he’d barely had time to make himself comfortable before Seokmin was huddling even closer into his side, phone raised in front of their faces.

He let Seokmin bully him into as many different poses as he wanted, with v-poses and finger hearts and cute little pouty faces that were utterly adorable on Seokmin. Eventually, Seokmin lowered his phone, but before Joshua could get up and return to his own side of the carriage, Seokmin was holding his hand, interlacing their fingers to keep Joshua by his side.

Joshua looked down at their hands, and then up at Seokmin, but the younger just blinked innocently at him.

“The sunset looks so pretty,” Seokmin said suddenly, and Joshua looked behind him to follow Seokmin’s line of gaze.

And then he looked back at Seokmin, watching the sunset light his skin up gold.

“Very pretty,” he agreed.

Seokmin’s lips twitched up into an almost wistful smile, as his gaze slid away from the window to look at Joshua, eyes sparkling. 

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Seokmin said again, smiling. “I think it’s prettier because I’m here with you.”

Joshua chuckled, squeezing Seokmin’s hand once. “Of course,” he said, and Seokmin smiled even wider. “Anything you see will be prettier because of me, you know.”

Seokmin’s eyes crinkled. “Really?”

Joshua quirked a grin. “I’m just that handsome.” 

The wheel was slowly descending now, the warm sunset light dipping behind the tall amusement park structures, and Joshua had the most beautiful view of the rays brushing and fading away from Seokmin’s face.

“So,” Joshua continued, mesmerised by Seokmin’s smile, “I think you should only see these pretty things with me. So they’ll always look even prettier.”

His words hung suspended in the air, golden and full of eternal promise, and Seokmin’s eyes widened. Joshua’s eyes widened at his own words, too, stunned at how his internal thoughts had somehow escaped his lips, but every syllable rang true. He wanted to see these beautiful things with Seokmin and Seokmin alone.

“Shua hyung,” Seokmin whispered, eyes meltingly warm. And then he didn’t say anything else.

He truly was just so beautiful, Joshua thought. With his sunlight-clear smile and those eyes, big and glittering and crystalline: Seokmin’s eyes that captured Joshua’s own and kept him mesmerised, unable to do anything other than gaze adoringly as Seokmin did anything at all.

And those very same eyes were the ones holding Joshua in place right at that moment, so awed that he hadn’t even noticed that Seokmin had drawn closer. He was so close that there was merely a miniscule distance between them, and Joshua could count every one of Seokmin’s lashes again, so close he could see the way they fluttered nervously as he took a quiet breath in.

So close that eventually, the miniscule distance between them became no distance at all.

Seokmin kissed him, gently, slowly, a warm press of lips on lips that had Joshua simultaneously melting and freezing up because Seokmin was kissing him. Seokmin was kissing him.

And, oh, his lips truly did taste as soft as they looked.

It was heart-achingly sweet, and only Seokmin would have been able to kiss him so chastely and yet still make his brain crash and shut down because of it. He wanted to have Seokmin’s lips on his forever, to lick into his plush mouth and find out what Seokmin liked and what he adored, wanted to press him against the wall of the carriage and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him—

Seokmin pulled away, then, before Joshua even had a chance to pull him closer and kiss him in the way that he deserved.

He blinked, dazed, far too disoriented to even think of forming words, and it was a little crazy how Seokmin managed to render him utterly non-functional after such a brief kiss.

Only Seokmin, truly.

But he was staring at Joshua now, eyes bright and almost hopeful, and the terrible thing was that Joshua’s brain was still in its melting, post-’first kiss with the love of his life’ state, and he had no idea what Seokmin could be hoping for.

He coughed, licked his lips, heartbeat thrumming far too loudly in his head.

“Huh,” he said, incredibly eloquently. “Oh.”

It was an “Oh” of utter besottedness, Seokmin having successfully removed Joshua’s ability to form proper words, but it turned out to be the wrong thing to say because he watched, confused and worried, as the light slipped off of Seokmin’s face in an instant.

“Oh,” Seokmin echoed, but the syllable sounded utterly heartbroken as it fell from his lips. “Oh, no.”

Joshua blinked as Seokmin backed away, scrambling to kick-start his brain back into action. “Wait,” he said. “Wait, wh—”

“I’m so sorry,” Seokmin rushed out, and he dropped Joshua’s hand like he’d been burned. “Sorry, sorry, please forget about that, I’m so sorry, I—”

“Wait,” Joshua said again, still not quite comprehending what was going on. “Seokmin-ah, you don’t n—”

He tried to move forward, and Seokmin instantly stumbled back, plastering himself against the back wall of the carriage. It rocked slightly, swinging back and forth, but still Seokmin stayed against the wall, like he wanted to be as far away from Joshua as possible.

“Sorry,” Seokmin said, yet again. “I just— You took me out for this whole day, and I thought— But then I— And then you didn’t— So obviously you don’t feel like that and I’m just so, so, so sorry. I’m so sorry, hyung, please just forget that happened.”

And oh, now Joshua realised, and his eyes widened in panic, because Seokmin had gotten everything completely wrong.

“No, wait, Seokmin, no, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Seokmin didn’t seem to hear him, continuing to babble apologies over and over again, the syllables blurring together as his eyes also seemed to blur with tears. 

This was really, really not good. Seokmin had leaned in and kissed him, and what had Joshua done? He’d just sat there and let himself be kissed, and when Seokmin pulled away, he’d done nothing but mumble a small “Oh” that could have been interpreted in a whole range of different ways.

And Seokmin had interpreted it in the worst way possible.

Joshua opened his mouth, and had half a mind to just surge forward and kiss Seokmin again to show him the truth when the carriage door swung open, and the park attendant was standing in the doorway and politely asking for them to leave.

Instantly, Seokmin took the opportunity to grab Berry and lunge past him to make his escape, and Joshua wanted to wring his hands together in desperation.

“Seokmin!” Joshua called out, almost tripping over his feet in his haste to exit the carriage. “Seokmin, I— Wait!”

He caught up with Seokmin as he was speed-walking through the park back towards the entrance, resting a hand on his shoulder and hating how Seokmin instantly flinched back.

“Hyung, please—”

“Seokmin,” Joshua said, softly. “Listen to me.”

Seokmin visibly swallowed, holding Berry tight. His eyes were big, almost looking like they were turning down at the edges and, coupled with the ears headband he was still wearing, he looked far too much like a devastated puppy that Joshua felt his heart tighten in his throat.

“Seokmin,” Joshua started again. “You don’t have to feel bad about it. I… I didn’t mind it.”

Joshua smiled gently, but to his horror, Seokmin’s eyes began to well up with tears.

“I really am sorry for what I did, hyung,” he said, voice wobbly. “You don’t have to say those things to try and make me feel better. I’m okay. It’s okay. I know that what I did was wrong so please—please just leave me alone.”

And with that, he stepped back, and began to make a dash towards the park entrance again, leaving Joshua standing there, dumbfounded.

“Wh—Seokmin!”

Seokmin didn’t listen to him. He continued speeding towards the entrance as Joshua called out to him, even as groups of people blocked his path and he walked into a small child more times than he could count.

How had Seokmin managed to misunderstand what Joshua was saying so, so horribly? With a helpless sigh, Joshua watched as Seokmin disappeared around the corner, before promptly apologising to the little girl he’d bumped into and beginning to follow Seokmin again.

Joshua managed to get to the amusement park entrance at last, just as Seokmin seemed to be trying to leave without talking to him at all.

“Seokmin,” Joshua said desperately, jogging up until he was standing in front of him, preventing Seokmin from walking off into the late evening. “Please, listen to me. You don’t have to feel all guilty like this. Let me—”

“Hyung, it’s okay,” Seokmin said, cutting him off yet again, and Joshua wanted to cry in desperation.“It’s okay, Shua hyung, I’m okay. You don’t have to try and comfort me.”

“No, Seokmin, listen, I actually—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Seokmin said, and tried to smile, but his voice trembled too much for it to seem genuine. “I’m so sorry for doing that to you. I’m really sorry, so I hope you don’t feel too d-disgusted.”

His voice hiccupped on the last word, and oh, Seokmin was properly crying now, the sadness spilling out of the corners of his eyes and dimming their shine.

Joshua had made him cry. 

“Just let me go home, hyung, please,” Seokmin said, quiet, and the soft begging tone in his voice made Joshua’s heart plummet to the depths of the Earth.

He swallowed thickly. “At least come home with me and Jeonghan,” he said, giving up on trying to talk to Seokmin about this. “I don’t want you going home by bus, all by yourself. Especially when you’re like this.”

Seokmin didn’t say anything for a long moment, and then nodded, lips pressed tight together as the tears continued silently spilling down his cheeks.

It made Joshua’s throat feel tight. Unthinkingly, he reached over and brushed at the wetness under Seokmin’s eyes, flinching back when Seokmin skittered away at his touch. 

“Sorry,” he whispered, voice thick. Seokmin didn’t reply.

They walked back to the entrance, and Joshua texted Jeonghan to let him know they were finished and wanted to go home. And then, with nothing left to do, they loitered around, waiting for Jeonghan to arrive, a stiff silence falling between them.

There was a great deal that Joshua wanted to say, countless words to explain himself and tell Seokmin just how terribly, terribly in love he was with him. 

This was all a terrible misunderstanding, he wanted to say, and he was totally okay with the kiss. More than okay, and in fact, he wanted nothing more than to kiss Seokmin again and again for all of eternity.

He looked up at Seokmin, who was quivering a few feet away from him, clutching the plushie like a lifeline as he stared resolutely out at the car park. A chill was setting in now that the sun had gone down, but Joshua knew that Seokmin’s shivers had less to do with the cold and more to do with something else.

Couldn’t Seokmin see? Just how much he had Joshua wrapped around his finger? Had him clinging to every syllable that fell from his lips, every twinkle of his eye, every bright, ringing laugh?

It was truly bewildering, how Seokmin apparently had no idea. Joshua wanted to explain this to him, wanted to tell him just how deeply he'd managed to fall for him, but the feelings of warmth and light and clean-cut gold were far too big and precious for words. 

He wanted to try, because he truly would do anything for Seokmin, but right now, there was no point. Not when Seokmin wasn’t in a state to truly understand.

Jeonghan arrived some minutes later, pulling up near the park entrance, and Seokmin wordlessly climbed into the shotgun seat while Joshua sat in the back. Jeonghan beamed, entirely oblivious to the tense atmosphere.

“So, how did your day go?” he asked, all pleasant. “Did you guys have fun?”

Seokmin simply buried his face into the plushie.

“Can you just take me home, please?” Seokmin whispered, voice muffled, but there was no way that Jeonghan wouldn't have been able to hear the tears in his voice. 

Jeonghan’s expression changed, and instantly, he eyed Joshua in the rearview mirror, his gaze a searing accusation. Joshua just winced helplessly, and hoped that the desperation in his eyes could help soften Jeonghan’s glare just a little.

Jeonghan narrowed his eyes, before turning to Seokmin again, gaze softening. “I like your headband,” he said gently, tugging at one brown puppy ear. “They suit you.”

Seokmin didn't look up from the shiba inu. He gave a small, wet sniff. 

Jeonghan looked back at Joshua, observing the white bunny ears headband which were on his head, and then the pieces in his head began to click together, and he raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Joshua just stared back.

Pulling out away from the amusement park, Jeonghan glanced over at Seokmin and then at Joshua through the mirror again, before giving a sigh. The “I’ll talk to Seokmin” was clear in his eyes, and Joshua’s shoulders sagged in relief.

Whilst Joshua really, really wanted to talk this over with Seokmin himself, he knew that Seokmin wasn’t in the right headspace to listen to him. But still, there was a chance that he would be able to listen to his beloved Jeonghan hyung who, hopefully, would be able to express a calm thought process that Seokmin would listen to, even if he wasn’t willing to listen to Joshua.

That was okay, though. Because Joshua didn't even know how he would express his thoughts, other than perhaps screaming “I really really like having your lips on mine and I kind of want to kiss you forever”, and he thought that that maybe wasn't the best way to explain how he felt. 

Thank you, he said with his eyes, when Jeonghan looked back at him again.

Jeonghan just nodded once, and looked over at Seokmin again before turning back to the road. 

The car was silent for the entire ride back.

───────────── ‘✦,

“I’m already on it,” Joshua said, when he opened the door to Jeonghan standing on his doorstep the next morning.

Jeonghan blinked, and then shut his mouth with an audible click, nodding approvingly and stepping into Joshua’s apartment. “Good,” he said. “I’m proud of you, Joshuji.”

Last night, Jeonghan had dropped Joshua off home first, with a silent message of “We’ll talk tomorrow” in his eyes. It had been clear that Jeonghan had wanted to spend that evening talking with Seokmin first, which Joshua thought was a good idea since Seokmin had definitely been the most visibly distressed out of them.

Even now, though it had been over twelve hours since Joshua had last seen him, the memory of Seokmin’s tears still made his chest feel tight.

As it was, he hadn’t had the chance to talk to Jeonghan until today. That didn’t mean he hadn’t been busy thinking of ways to resolve this whole situation, though.

“You need to make things up to him as soon as possible,” Jeonghan said as he took off his shoes. 

“I know. That's why I'm already on it.”

Jeonghan nodded again, mildly pleased, before his face melted back into a frown. 

“Still, I wanna say that you’re both idiots,” he informed him. “Both you and Seokmin. Utter idiots.”

“Thanks,” Joshua remarked dryly, and walked back into the kitchen, Jeonghan trailing behind him. 

“You’re welcome. So you better be planning a really good thing to make it up to Seokmin, because otherwise—oh my God. Are you baking?”

Jeonghan stood there, surprised, looking at the mixing bowl and the bags of sugar and flour and the baking trays, lined with greaseproof paper, neatly placed on the table as everything else overflowed across Joshua’s counter.

Joshua grinned, pleased at Jeonghan’s surprise. “Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies,” he said, picking up the mixing bowl again. “Seokmin’s favourite.”

“Huh.” Jeonghan smiled, nodding approvingly. “Good choice.” He sat down at the table, watching as Joshua continued mixing the cookie batter.  

“I know,” Joshua said, a little proud, looking up from the bowl to smile at Jeonghan, all bashful and dusty pink cheeks. “I figured that they might help cheer him up.”

Cute, Jeonghan thought, and then his heart melted at the idea of Joshua baking for Seokmin. There was something so domestic about that, and he knew that Seokmin would really love it.

Seokmin had been utterly distraught yesterday, tears quietly streaming down his face as he recounted the “disastrous” events in a wobbly voice. Jeonghan had feared the worst: Seokmin, for all his gentleness and emotional openness, still hated to cry around other people. So for him to burst into tears in front of Joshua and Jeonghan, it meant that something truly terrible had happened, and Jeonghan was more than ready to (get Seungcheol to) gently beat up Joshua for being the cause of his tears.

Jeonghan thought it would be something horrific, like Joshua had… well, done something really bad. He hadn’t actually had an idea of what Joshua could have done, but he’d been terrified all the same.

He had definitely not been prepared for what Seokmin had told him instead.

“What’re you gonna do with the cookies?” Jeonghan asked, leaning forwards as Joshua set down the bowl, looking for spoons to use to scoop the batter onto the trays.

“I’m going over to his place today,” Joshua said, rummaging through the drawers. “And I’m going to talk this out with him. No matter what it takes.”

Jeonghan tilted his head, smiling a little, a curious sense of pride swelling up inside of him. “No matter what it takes?”

“No matter what it takes,” Joshua confirmed, turning back to face Jeonghan, spoons in hand. “I won’t run away anymore. Seokmin deserves to know that I love him too.”

“I definitely think so,” Jeonghan said, and his tone was dry but his smile was warm. “Especially considering the fact that he kissed you yesterday and then proceeded to have a breakdown because you didn’t kiss him back.”

Joshua winced. “Let’s not talk about last night.”

Jeonghan shrugged. “I think it was a good bonding experience.”

“I don’t need a bonding experience. Seokmin and I are already friends.” Joshua furrowed his eyebrows. “How was that a good bonding experience, anyway?”

“Hey, at least now you know that Seokmin’s as pathetically in love with you as you are with him,” Jeonghan pointed out. “I think you should look on the bright side, Joshuji.”

“I think you’re talking too much,” Joshua said, waving the spoons beratingly at Jeonghan. “If you’re gonna be in my home, then you need to help me. Come on, get some spoons and make the cookies with me. Why are you even here, anyway?”

Jeonghan begrudgingly stood up, rolling up his sleeves. “I came here to see whether I needed to beat you up or not.”

Joshua snorted. “You and those noodle arms?”

“I was assessing the situation first,” Jeonghan said, and sniffed disdainfully. “If you didn’t show evidence that you were trying to make amends instantly, I would have.”

“Good thing I was making cookies then.”

“Exactly. I also came to check up on you, though,” Jeonghan added more sincerely. “To see how you were doing after being kissed by the love of your life.”

That made Joshua chuckle, beginning to spoon the batter onto the trays laid out on the table. He nudged Jeonghan in the side, a silent demand for him to start helping, and Jeonghan reluctantly complied.

“I’m fine. I had my entire worldview altered because apparently Seokmin likes me back, but other than that, I’m doing great,” Joshua said with a grin, and Jeonghan laughed.

“See? A good bonding experience.”

Joshua shook his head, still smiling. “Yeah. A great bonding experience. 0/10, would definitely recommend.”

The sarcasm made Jeonghan laugh again, looking over at his best friend as he diligently bent down over the baking tray, making cookies for the person he was in love with, big hands having turned soft with gentleness and care. 

Joshua’s hair was all over the place, as if he’d rolled out of bed and then immediately started making cookies for Seokmin without even stopping once. Half of his bangs were falling in his eyes but he hardly seemed to notice, and he straightened up to blink at Jeonghan, who was standing there with the spoons unmoving in his hands.

“If you don’t want to help, then you can just say so,” Joshua said wryly, eyes twinkling. “Though Seokmin might be heartbroken when I tell him that his favourite hyung didn’t help make the cookies.”

Jeonghan snapped out of his reverie, busying himself with helping Joshua. “You’re Seokmin’s favourite hyung. You know that,” he retorted, a little sulkily. Though he’d long ago accepted it, he was still a little annoyed that Joshua had stolen one of his dongsaengs from him.

“Nonsense. He was your friend before he was mine, wasn’t he?”

“That means nothing,” Jeonghan said dismissively, waving a spoon around and accidentally flinging cookie dough into the wall. “Whoops. Anyway, you’ve been Seokmin’s favourite since day one, Shuji. Surely you know that.”

Joshua sighed long-sufferingly at the spoonful of wet mixture sliding down his wall. “You’re cleaning that up later.”

“Sure. But seriously, he’s always been in love with you. I promise.” Jeonghan punched Joshua lightly in the arm. “Why are you thinking so much about this, anyway? You know that he loves you.”

“Hm.” Joshua twisted his lips thoughtfully, and he gazed off into the distance, eyes going melty soft and Jeonghan just knew that he was thinking about Seokmin. 

Disgusting, Jeonghan thought affectionately. It reminded him of the way that Seokmin’s eyes never failed to shine just a little brighter whenever he thought of or talked about Joshua, even when he was in tears. These two truly were made for each other.

“Seokmin thinks the world of you, you know,” Jeonghan said gently. “He always has. Ever since he first met you.”

Joshua’s face, somehow, melted even further at that. Jeonghan had been worried that his silence was a sign of insecurities creeping in, a sign of his hesitancy to continue taking that leap for Seokmin, but Joshua’s face was softening into the softest, sweetest smile, and Jeonghan knew that there was nothing that could deter Joshua now.

“Well,” Joshua said, light and full of love, “It’s a good thing that I think the world of him too.”

───────────── ‘✦,

It was some hours later that Joshua ended up on Seokmin’s doorstep, wondering whether he should ring the doorbell or lift his hand and knock.

Jeonghan had shooed him out of the apartment (Joshua’s own apartment) with a pat on the head and a half-serious threat to “Go make out with Seokmin or there will be consequences”, pushing the basket into his hands and telling him to just be himself.

Apparently Seokmin liked that, or something.

So Joshua now stood at Seokmin’s doorstep, resisting the urge to rock back and forth on his heels as he contemplated which would be the best way to drag Seokmin out of his wallowing.

He hadn't been nervous when Jeonghan had come over, too focused on making Seokmin his favourite cookies and thinking about how he needed to make Seokmin not sad as soon as possible, but now that he was here, he had to admit that there were definitely a few butterflies in his stomach.

Confessing to the love of your life was no easy task, after all. 

But, like always, Joshua would do anything for Seokmin, anything at all, so after taking a deep breath, he raised his hand and pressed the doorbell.

It took a few moments, but the door eventually clicked open to reveal Seokmin, sleepily rubbing his eyes, nose scrunching adorably as he suppressed a big yawn.

“Jeonghan hyung, I told you, I’m f…”

His voice trailed off as he realised who was standing at his door, and his eyes widened, the sleepiness falling away from his face almost instantly. Joshua smiled, a little awkwardly, giving Seokmin a wave.

“Hello.”

Seokmin stared at him, and then began to slowly edge behind his door, hiding behind it until only his face was visible. “You… You’re not Jeonghan hyung.”

“I’m not,” Joshua agreed, and his heart twisted at how Seokmin had instantly retreated away once he learned that it was Joshua at his door. “Is it okay if I come in? I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday.”

Clutching the edge of the door a little tighter, Seokmin squeaked out a small “Oh dear” that Joshua had a feeling he hadn’t meant to say aloud.

“Maybe we shouldn’t?” Seokmin suggested meekly. He retreated further behind the door, hiding away so that Joshua couldn’t see his face anymore. “Maybe… Maybe that’s not a good idea.”

Joshua bit his lip. “Please?” he asked. “I even baked you cookies. If you want them.”

A pause. And then Seokmin slowly peeked out from behind the door, eyes widening in surprise as he noticed the basket in Joshua’s hands before his gaze dropped to the floor again. He shook his head.

“Please just go. Shua hyung, please let me—Let me deal with this by myself first,” Seokmin said softly.

It sounded so gentle and reasonable when he said it like that, and Joshua would have believed it, would have accepted it, if he didn’t know Seokmin as well as he did. But Joshua did know him, knew him like the soul that fit perfectly against his own, and he knew that Seokmin was using this as an excuse to wallow in his sadness. He’d only make himself more miserable if Joshua let him be.

“Please,” Joshua said again, pleading. “I think we should talk about this. Please, will you let me in?”

Seokmin swallowed but didn’t say anything, gaze still directed at Joshua’s shoes rather than his face. His fingers pressed into the side of the door as he clung to it, still not quite opening it fully, but Joshua felt a little comforted by the fact that Seokmin was considering it.

“Min-ah,” Joshua said softly, ducking his head to get Seokmin to meet his gaze. Seokmin blinked in surprise, but he didn’t look away. Joshua straightened slowly, and smiled as Seokmin continued to keep his eyes on him. “Please. I’m not mad about what happened, I promise. I just think that you and I need to talk. Please, Min-ah?”

Seokmin’s eyes widened even further at the nickname, a splotchy blush reddening the apples of his cheeks in a way that was still utterly endearing in Joshua’s eyes. And then he nodded, opening the door wider. “Okay. Okay… you can come in.”

Joshua smiled again, a smile of relief as he stepped into Seokmin’s apartment, clutching the basket of cookies in his hands. 

“It’s a little messy,” Seokmin said, a little sheepishly as he led Joshua through the apartment. “I wasn’t really expecting anyone. I didn’t think anyone would come over.”

“That’s okay. I wanted to check up on you.”

Seokmin looked over at Joshua, too many colours swirling in his irises before he blinked rapidly and looked away,

“Oh. Thank you.”

As Seokmin led them to sit on his couch, however, Joshua realised that he hadn't really planned what he was going to say. Which, in hindsight, he really should have done, but it was too late to wonder about that now. 

And besides, he was talking with Seokmin. The right words would find their way to him, especially if he was trying to confess to the love of his life. 

“So… cookies,” Joshua started, and then held the basket out to Seokmin. He smiled a little. “They're your favourites.”

Seokmin gasped, momentarily seeming to forget his apprehension at Joshua’s visit as his eyes widened, taking the basket from him and peeking inside. “Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies?”

“Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies,” Joshua confirmed, resisting the urge to laugh at Seokmin's adorably awed expression. “And don’t worry. I made sure that they won’t give you food poisoning.

Seokmin, already stuffing a cookie in his mouth, gave a petulant huff. “Hyung, that was one time.”

Joshua laughed, unable to stop the delighted warmth bubbling up inside him as the natural cadence of their interactions came peeking through, Seokmin relaxing now that he had something sweet in his mouth. Seokmin looked up at him, a little surprised, before his face melted and brightened at the same time, eyes crinkling.

“So,” Joshua said, still smiling, “I was hoping that we could talk about yesterday.”

At that, Seokmin’s expression changed, and he slowly swallowed. He rubbed at his cheeks, attempting to brush away the crumbs and only kind-of succeeding.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Joshua rushed to carry on, before Seokmin’s face fell even further and Joshua’s heart fell along with it. “I’m sorry for how terribly our day at the amusement park ended.” He gestured to the basket. “The cookies were kind of an apology present to try and make up for it.”

“Oh,” Seokmin said softly. “No… It’s—It’s okay, hyung. It was kind of my fault, anyway,” he added, laughing a little stiltedly. “I was the one who, well, you know.”

Seokmin bit his lip then, teeth sinking into the softness of his bottom lip, and Joshua remembered with startling clarity how his own mouth had been over Seokmin’s less than twenty-four hours ago.

Joshua blinked rapidly, trying to dispel his thoughts so he could focus on the conversation at hand.

“It was just me being an idiot. You don’t need to apologise, Shua hyung,” Seokmin said, attempting to smile. “It was all my fault. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t, though,” Joshua said, taking a breath. Seokmin was still biting his lip, a nervous habit, and it was kind of cute and wholly distracting and it took everything in Joshua to keep his gaze on Seokmin’s warm, warm eyes rather than on his soft, soft lips. “Min-ah, it’s okay.”

He smiled, then, as gently and as reassuringly as he could, putting on his prettiest smile for Seokmin to try and comfort him.

Seokmin’s eyes widened and softened at the same time, before he looked away. “Please don’t look at me like that,” he said, all mumbly. There were still crumbs on his cheeks, and Joshua wanted to lean over and dust them away.

“Like what?” he asked, before giving in to the urge and brushing a finger over Seokmin’s cheeks, wiping at the crumbs. And then, using that same finger, he guided Seokmin’s chin towards him so they were facing each other again. “How am I looking at you?”

Seokmin huffed a little, and pouted. “Like… I dunno,” he said, cheeks turning red, “like you love me. Like—Like you didn’t actually mind the… the thing.”

Joshua’s gaze softened, and he lowered his hand to find Seokmin’s knee instead, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “What if that’s true? What if I didn't mind the kiss?”

Seokmin was shaking his head before Joshua could even finish speaking. “Don’t say things like that, hyung,” he pleaded, almost a whine. “I’m sorry for kissing you yesterday, I really am. I promise, it won’t happen again.”

“What? No,” Joshua said, a little mystified, wondering where on Earth Seokmin had gotten the idea that he didn’t want it to happen again. “No, Seokmin, I want it to happen again. I want you to kiss me again. And again, and again. Forever, essentially.”

“Wait.” Seokmin’s face scrunched up, confused, and goodness, Joshua was hit with the fact that he truly did adore him. “What?”

“I like you,” Joshua said, the three golden words leaving his lips and spinning through the air, and he could almost hear the magical ding as they landed like little chimes in Seokmin’s ears. “I like you, Seokmin. You and your smile and your kindness and your gentleness and the way you make me feel so happy, always. I like you so much, and especially your laugh—” Joshua took a breath, feeling the flush rising up his cheeks— “Oh, I love your laugh, Seokmin. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world.”

Seokmin’s eyes had steadily widened the longer Joshua had carried on, and there was that familiar, warm, beautiful shine in his irises once more, all full of hope. “Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Joshua laughed, smiling widely. “I like you. I love you. I adore you. All of those things. I think you’re wonderful, truly, and it’s like my heart belongs only to you.”

And then, his Seokmin-owned heart made a little whooshing sound as Seokmin’s eyes rounded, and Joshua couldn’t help but laugh. It was kind of incredible, how saying those words didn’t feel like taking a leap, like jumping and hoping that when he fell, someone would catch him.

Rather, it felt like coming home.

Seokmin’s frame melted, the biggest pout forming on his face as his whole body relaxed, seemingly just as comforted by Joshua’s confession as he was. His irises looked a little shiny as he blinked, hard.

“You love me,” Seokmin said, almost to himself, like he couldn’t believe it, all tiny and adorable. And then he looked up at Joshua again, face crumpling into something between a pout and a giddy smile. “Oh my god, you love me.”

He said it in an almost awed way, words getting all blubbery-sentimental and he held out his arms, reaching for a hug that Joshua instantly gave him, smiling as Seokmin wrapped his arms around his neck to bring him even closer, burying his face into Joshua’s shoulder. Seokmin was always so warm and lovely but right now he seemed even more so, melting into Joshua’s arms, the thumping of his heartbeat matching the cadence of Joshua’s own. 

He nuzzled even closer into Joshua's shoulder, making small, content noises into his shirt, and Joshua could feel something in his chest bursting into a spray of cerulean blue joy. 

“I love you,” Joshua said again, just because, just to marvel at how light and perfect those three words felt. “I love you.”

Seokmin pulled away, arms still looped around Joshua’s neck, eyes shining brighter than the brightest, sunniest summer day. “I love you too,” he breathed, and then he laughed—that soft, beautiful laugh that Joshua loved far too much. “I love you. I’ve always really, really liked you, truly. So much. Ever since we met.”

Joshua chuckled a little, tilting his head. “Since we met? That’s a long time.”

“I know,” Seokmin said, almost whining, and it had Joshua laughing again. “You have no idea how hard it was to be loving you for so long. You’re so loveable, hyung. I can’t help but just—love you. Always.”

“I can’t help but love you too,” Joshua said back, and it was incredible how those words managed to make Seokmin’s smile light up even further. He leaned forward and nudged his nose affectionately against Seokmin’s, adoring the delighted giggle that it elicited from him. “You can ask Jeonghan, if you’d like. He’ll tell you how pathetically in love I’ve been with you for weeks.”

“Weeks? Hyung, I’ve been in love with you forever, I swear,” Seokmin said, and the earnest truthfulness of his words made Joshua’s heart swell, hands tightening around Seokmin’s waist. 

“I think I’ve been in love with you before I even knew that’s what it was,” Joshua returned, just to try and one-up him, and laughed softly at the affectionate huff that Seokmin let out.

“Whatever you say,” Seokmin said, playfully rolling his eyes before beaming at Joshua again. His arms were still around Joshua’s neck, his weight still pressed comfortably in Joshua’s lap, and as he continued beaming at him, it was like Joshua's vision was filled with nothing but the gentlest, prettiest, most breathtaking golden light. 

He could have stayed like that forever, actually, with Seokmin in his lap, his weight draped over him like a sure and solid promise, positively glowing with happiness despite the fact that he'd looked close to tears not even 24 hours ago. 

It made him realise that Seokmin really did love him, had loved him forever, and thinking about it like that made him short circuit because oh—

Seokmin loved him. 

And they were just smiling at each other, smiling and grinning and smiling like a pair of idiots and it was all because Seokmin loved Joshua just as much Joshua loved him. 

As if he knew all of Joshua's thoughts, Seokmin smiled even wider, eyes crinkling happily, and Joshua knew that he really would do anything to see Seokmin smile like that forever. His lips were stretched wide, emanating light, and happiness truly did look so beautiful on him. 

Joshua wanted to kiss him.

Oh. He hadn't kissed Seokmin yet. How had he not kissed Seokmin yet? 

He needed to kiss him. Right now. 

“Can I kiss you?” Joshua blurted out, completely out of the blue, and he would admit that it wasn't the best way to ask for a kiss, but Seokmin always made him do weird and awkward things. 

Seokmin blinked in surprise, a blush rapidly rising up his face, but he nodded almost immediately. 

“Yeah!” he said, the eagerness clear in his tone before he blushed even further, shoulders rolling inwards shyly. “I mean. Yes. Yes please.”

And then he beamed, his expression so open and loving and filled with wonderful golden light that Joshua couldn't help but smile too, leaning in closer, one hand releasing Seokmin's waist to slip upwards and cup his cheek, brushing a thumb over the smooth softness of his cheekbone. 

“Beautiful,” Joshua whispered, quiet, and could feel the blush that spread across Seokmin's face as he adjusted his hand, held him more firmly and finally connected their lips in a kiss. 

And, oh, this kiss was even better than that first one they'd shared. The instant Joshua kissed him, Seokmin melted impossibly further into him, hands threading through his hair to bring him even closer, soft lips pressing against soft lips. 

It was dizzyingly sweet. Seokmin tasted like strawberries and chocolate and sunlight, and when Joshua gently nipped at that plush bottom lip, his heart positively soared at the small noise that Seokmin let out, easily opening up so Joshua could kiss him as deeply and as fully as they both desired.

Seokmin twisted his hands in Joshua’s hair, kissing him even deeper, and it made him laugh into Seokmin’s mouth, his head feeling all happy and bubbly light. Seokmin laughed too, an automatic response to the sound of Joshua’s happiness, and they ended up smiling into each other’s mouths rather than actually kissing once they finally parted.

Joshua opened his eyes, watching as Seokmin still kept his eyes shut, drawing back with an adoring smile on his face like he wanted to treasure the moment.

It was so heart-achingly endearing that Joshua leaned in to press a light kiss to Seokmin’s mouth, smiling as Seokmin’s eyes fluttered open at last, a white-gold shine making his irises glow.

“Oh,” Seokmin said, soft, his kissed-pink lips spreading into a wide smile. He still had his hands in Joshua’s hair, still had his knees spread over Joshua’s lap, and he looked so beautiful. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Joshua echoed, amused, the hand on Seokmin’s cheek moving to brush away stray hairs as they fell into his face. “What’s up?”

Seokmin’s eyes just shone even brighter. “You love me,” he said, and he sounded so happy that Joshua laughed again, so in love that his heart felt like it was floating towards the heavens as Seokmin continued to look at him with all the awe and wonder in the world.

“Yes, Min-ah,” he said, devastatingly fond, and Seokmin scrunched his nose in a way that was just so endearing, very clearly delighted by the nickname. “I love you.” 

Seokmin beamed adorably wide and launched himself back into Joshua’s arms again, clumsily pressing a kiss to Joshua's cheek before burying his face into his shoulder, and Joshua could feel him grinning with happiness. 

Joshua had jumped towards Seokmin, taken that leap, but instead of falling, he’d floated right back up towards the sun instead. 

In fact, it hadn’t even felt like falling, he mused, as Seokmin drew away from his shoulder, smiling shyly before leaning in and kissing Joshua softly once more. 

He cupped Seokmin’s face, kissing him again and again until they were smiling so hard that they couldn’t kiss properly anymore, and yet they still tried, smiling lips meeting smiling lips over and over, the taste of sunlight sitting gently on Joshua’s tongue like that was where it belonged.

Perhaps, Joshua thought, it was because Seokmin had been beside him all along. All he had to do was walk right into Seokmin's arms, right into Seokmin who already had, and always would, adore him with the entirety of his heart.

And oh, how Joshua adored him too.

thanku for reading! pls rb w a comment if you liked this :)

taglist: @my-moarmy-heart @ofcoursewhynotmongyu @cottoncheol @i-dont-give-a-fok @leigh-darling @belladonna-is-alive @weird-bookworm @dokyluvie @isabellah29 @bangantokchy @ahuiahoe @yooboointhemood @animesoul2021 @official-eunwoo

[leosficlist]

Post Series 3 Rec List pt 2

Here I present you more fanfics that acknowledged either Mary, or any event in Series 3, but usually no other canon is followed after that. Hope you enjoy!

Post S3 pt 1

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss @swissmissficrecs 22.2k words

Sherlock's parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

notes: absolute treasure, love everyone's characterization, natural sliding together

Over the Fence by not_a_prude 11.6k

Patching Sherlock up after their adventures is routine for Doctor John Watson, and the detective has never been anything but a nightmare of a patient. But one day, Sherlock is being even more recalcitrant than usual, and John makes an unexpected discovery...

notes: Sherlock gets himself hurt to feel John's hands on him, post Mary no baby, misunderstandings, first kiss, first time

A Shocking Habit by apliddell 3.6k words

After John walks in on something that surprises him, Sherlock realizes that they're approaching a tipping point and has to find the words to get them to the other side.

notes: misunderstandings, everyone's a fool, John's jealous, love confessions and stuttering out their feelings

Loss of the Senses by Goddess_of_the_Night 18.5k words

or "Five Times Sherlock Lost his Senses and One Time He Used Them All to Worship John"

Over the course of two years, Sherlock loses each of his five senses: Taste, Smell, Touch, Sound, and Sight. John is a saint who takes care of him despite Sherlock's insistence to push him away.

"He groans at the pain in his entire head, minutely moving his head back and forth as though denying the reality. “Sherlock?” He hears John’s hopeful voice on his right. “John,” he croaks out, feeling relieved by his presence. Of course he’s here; he’s always here when Sherlock wakes up in hospital, “We have to stop meeting like this,” he adds lightly. John can’t help a short laugh before agreeing, “Damn right we do.”"

notes: wonderful, keeping forever, post s3 in reference to Sherlock's bullet wound

Green Carnation by glenien 2.6k

John takes Sherlock home. [Post-TAB]

notes: hurt/comfort, Mary is not liked, first kiss

The Ideal Man by apliddell 4.8k

John doesn’t keep me waiting long. He never does.

notes: lavender, love confessions on the stag night

Golden Hours by stopthat 4.7k words

John is too quiet. Sherlock whisks him away to the sea.

They sit in silence for long moments, watching the sun begin its descent into the horizon as the light slowly fades to a glorious gold. Their arms brush occasionally as they sip their stout, and Sherlock feels each touch like an open flame, waiting. For what, he's not sure.

Quiet by orphan_account 4k words

"It all comes down to this. John knows Sherlock. Not in his details but in his entirety."

A Brand of Gold by aquabelacqua 12.7k

What am I doing? he wondered. The answer came back at once:  Flirting.

He sank deeper into the pillows, let the mist and blur of the wine settle around him, let it shore up his nerves and dim the warning signals that flashed dully in the back of his mind. He let the rest of the disappointment about Lucy and his strange accommodations and about the weekend as a whole fade into obscurity. He let the vital, missing piece snap into place as surely and as cleanly as if it had always been there.

He was flirting with Sherlock Holmes.

notes: post s3 in one reference to John's divorce, flirty, funny, sweet

Sociopathy and Other Fibs by kinklock 5.3k

Five times John called Sherlock out, and one time Sherlock returned the favour

Read Between My Lines by Ragazza_Guasto 11k words

Sherlock is back, the game is on, and John decides it's time to get back into the swing of writing up their cases again. There's just one problem. Apparently his 'romantic prose' has taken a pointed and quite obvious turn for the worse. Everyone seems to notice but Sherlock and John isn't sure why this bothers him, but it does.

notes: lighthearted, John leaves Mary for Sherlock

Forward by johnwatso @johnwatso, Salambo06 @salambo06fics 7k words

A minute passes without either of them moving, Sherlock barely even breathing for fear of ruining the spell that seems to have come over them.

"Like what?" he finally asks, emboldened by the whiskey and the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

"I would have kissed you," John says, so simply, so plainly, that Sherlock wants to cry.

notes: post-Mary

Let Go by thisisforyou 2.7k words

In the end, separating John's things from Sherlock's in the chaos of their sitting room is like pulling a limpet from a wet rock. Especially when the rock is clinging on for dear life, because Sherlock doesn't want to let go. Short, fluffy h/c Johnlock oneshot.

notes: packing up John's stuff, loved hearing Sherlock's yearning thoughts, Mary is dumped promptly

[theharrowing]

Happy NamGi Day!

in honor of such a glorious holiday, and because i am feeling a little extra today, here are all of my namgi fics, as well as some of my personal favorites!

♡ - fluff | ☽ - smut | ☁ - angst | ✎ - wip | ☆ - personal fav

just namgi

One Day at a Time | 2 parts, 39.4k words, ☆ ❣ Yoongi x Namjoon | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣feat. established Namjoon & Jung Wheein ❣ past acquaintances to lovers, a/b/o ⚠ infidelity, mpreg, painful knotting ↳ Yoongi loves to help others. As a professional surrogate, he takes pride in using his body to help families bring life into this world, and love into their homes. But when his high school crush Kim Namjoon hires Yoongi to help him and his wife conceive, things get…precarious. |Or, Omega Yoongi gets bred by Alpha Namjoon and holy shit, does he fall in love.

Sun Seeker | 3 parts, 38.7k words, ☆ ❣ Namjoon x Yoongi | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ strangers to lovers, tattoo shop au ↳ Namjoon does not do impulsive. He doesn’t understand the fuss about body modifications, and he has never considered getting one. That is, until he meets Yoongi—the prettiest man he’s ever seen, who happens to be a tattoo artist—and he can’t stop thinking about going under Yoongi’s needle to have an equally pretty design tattooed onto his skin. 

Entanglement | oneshot, 10.9k words ❣ Namjoon x Yoongi | ☽ ♡ ❣ best friends to lovers, confessions, loss of virginity, very little plot ↳ Namjoon is eager to finally lose his virginity and decides it would be wise if his best friend Yoongi helps him. (He is totally not in love with Yoongi, or anything…)

Lips Like Honey | oneshot, 13.9 words ❣ Namjoon x Yoongi | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ strangers to lovers, light angst, very little plot ↳ Chef Min is easily the prettiest man Namjoon has ever seen and now Namjoon is questioning everything—including his sexuality.

Honsool | 3 parts, 8.5k words ❣ Yoongi x Namjoon | ♡ ☽ ❣ friends to lovers, requited unrequited, snowed in au  ↳ The whole group is snowed in during their winter trip and Yoongi drinks enough whiskey to finally tell Namjoon how he feels.

namgi x reader

Collateral | 22 parts, 245k words, ✎☆ ❣ Yoongi x Female Reader x Namjoon | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ feat. Taehyung x Jungkook, Seokjin x Hoseok, Jungkook x Reader ❣ strangers to lovers, mafia au, poly ⚠ drug use, graphic violence, dark themes - see fic warnings ↳Your ex-boyfriend gets in over his head working for the local mafia, and Boss Min has come to collect his payment: You. But was it simply a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or has he always had his sights on you?

namgi x members

Pretty in Pink (Make Him Purr) | oneshot, 15k words, ☆ ❣ Yoongi x OT6 | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ established relationships, canon compliant, animal play, marathon sex, light angst, very little plot ↳ Yoongi—long-established power top of the group—secretly wishes he could shed all of his responsibility and allow the members to take care of his needs while he’s dressed in a frilly pink kitten outfit. Well, it was a secret until Namjoon discovers the outfit, pulling the cat out of the bag, so to speak, and forcing Yoongi to decide whether to show that side of himself to the rest of the guys.

my favorite namgi fics by others

The One by nicedress | oneshot, 22.2k words, ☆ ❣ Yoongi x Namjoon | ☽ ☁ ❣ strangers to lovers, pistolverse au, serial killer au, smut, angst, fluff if you squint ⚠ dead dove! murder, slut shaming, rape culture, open ending - see fic warnings ↳ Every stamen lured into Yoongi’s bed leaves him with a new blossom on his skin and a new grave on his property. When he encounters Namjoon, a stamen who refuses to touch any pistil unless it’s his soulmate, all Yoongi sees is someone naive and easy to control. Someone to help around the farm without complaint. Someone to dig holes without realizing they’re graves. Someone Yoongi’s not quite willing to kill—not yet.

What the Stars Look Like Under You by nicedress | 11 parts, 134.4k words, ☆ ❣ Yoongi x Namjoon | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ strangers to lovers, porn star au, sub/dom, smut, angst, fluff ⚠ implied/referenced rape (not between namgi), panic, suicide ideation - see fic warnings ↳ After building a porn career as a popular submissive, a scene gone wrong sends Yoongi spiraling. Switching roles gives him new purpose and shields him from the trauma he’s not willing to face, but having the world’s most pretentious, ecofriendly Dominant steal his spotlight isn’t making things any easier.

Forever Rain by Kumatokkii | 9 parts, 66k words, ☆ ❣ Yoongi x Namjoon | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ enemies to lovers, rapper au, smut, angst, eventual fluff ↳ Underground rappers Agust D and RM have had an unspoken feud that's spanned years, always hinting at each other in their lyrics, never fully saying it. Then Agust D crosses the line and calls him "Namjoonie" in his rap, on stage, for all to hear... To Namjoon's utter embarrassment.

♡ - fluff | ☽ - smut | ☁ - angst | ✎ - wip | ☆ - personal fav

HAPPY NAMGI DAAAYYY!!! 🎉🎈💜

[hpsaffics]

✨ WLW Wed: Teacher/Student ✨

A biweekly HP femslash rec list made by the lovely members of the HP SAFFICS (18+) discord server. See all previous rec lists in the WLW Library.

Currently: Teacher/Student Relationship Previously: Kangelicia (see list)

—

💫 LONG (>10k) 💫

Was this just a game to you, witch? by your_secret_lover [Hermione/Minerva, M, 42.1k]

Was this just a game to you, witch? Or was this ever real? Did your heart pound as hard as mine did? Or did you just barely feel a light breeze of emotions cross your life for a moment, to then never come back? Tell me, witch, what am I to you?

Ruin by quillghost [Hermione/Bellatrix, E, 22.2k]

Hermione Granger has a bit of a crush on her professor and there's not much she won't do to get her attention.

Nymphadora, Nymphet by @thistlecatfics [Bellatrix/Tonks, M, 20.2k] WITH POETRY by @evadwrites!

Dear Nymphadora, I’ve been informed of a temporary Defence professor this year, and you may have gathered she is (was) my sister. Be careful. If she attempts to harm you in any way, report straight to Professor Sprout. We shall talk more at Christmas; it may be time for you to learn more about my side of the family. Please watch your potions work – I know you can do better than last year. -Mum

Lessons with Professor Greengrass by MayorHaggar [Daphne/Rose, E, 12.1k]

Nothing cheers up Professor Greengrass after a long day of teaching like an evening with her Head Girl.

—

💫 MEDIUM (3-10k) 💫

Adamantine by Woldy [Millicent/Rolanda, T, 7.1k]

St Mungos is turning people away and there are dozens of bodies heaped in the Hogsmeade cemetery, but it's not until Harry Potter dies that people start panicking.

The Start of Forever by SolitaryEngel [fem!Harry/fem!Tom, E, 5.8k]

Harri had been staring at Professor Riddle for what felt like forever. She had no clue the woman might be staring right back.

Blurred Lines by CapricornBookworm [Angelina/Ginny, E, 4.0k]

Ginny falls in love with her boss, which is remarkably problematic (until it’s not).

I will marry you someday by Inflinty [Hermione/Bellatrix, G, 2.4k]

Every time Bella hears her say this, it sound more and more like a promise and less like a declaration of a stubborn child.

—

💫 SHORT (1k-3k) 💫

Taking one for the house by Morwen Black (Morwen_Black) [Hermione/Irma, E, 3.0k]

After returning to Hogwarts for her 7th year, Hermione end up taking on for the house when another Gryffindor gets in trouble with Madam Pince.

Better Than Writing Lines by MaxWrite [Irma/Hannah, E, 2.2k]

Irma thought writing lines was a suitable punishment. Hannah had other ideas.

get hot (get too close to the flame) by @broomsticks [Minerva/Ginny, E, 1.7k]

Ginny didn't care that Harry and Ron were returning for Eighth Year. She was determined to get the Quidditch Captain badge, whatever the cost.

To steam for her by @cntrl15 [Narcissa/Minerva, T, 1.4k]

A quarter hour of tea, from the perspective of the cup. Or, Narcissa lands herself in hot water.

trying her best by charminglittledeath [Pansy/Andromeda, E, 1.0k]

In the aftermath of the Battle of Hogwarts, Pansy tries her best to be better.

—

💫 SUPER SHORT (<1k) 💫

Enough by @galacticcoyote [Rolanda/Narcissa, M, 747]

For once in her life, Narcissa didn’t mind that things hadn’t gone quite according to plan.

sweet temptation by @caitiewantstobeavadakedavrad [Lavender/Minerva, E, 200]

Minerva knew her thoughts were wrong, but she couldn’t help it. Ms. Brown plagued her thoughts constantly.

beginning of training by @picklesonjupiter [Narcissa/Minerva, M, 121]

Eighth-year witches and wizards are trained to be good spouses.

—

🌙 Want more Teacher/Student fics? 🌙

@hpfacultyfest | HP Fuck the Faculty Fest

Teacher/Student: Tag on AO3

WLW Library: Tumblr | Tag | AO3

[hannieween]

red lights | lights out series

The plan was fair and simple, but one that you could not take from zero to one hundred. Struggling with feelings of insecurity, hurt feelings and other concerns, you soon came to realize that it was not so simple. Nor fair.

✮pairings: joshua hong x female reader x yoon jeonghan ✮ genre: angst, fluff, smut [18+] ✮ aus: rockstar joshua, theatre director jeonghan, boyfriend joshua, best friend jeonghan, polyamorous relationship ✮word count: 22.2k

› 🎧: nbd – i.m | whiskey – jay b | motorspeed 24 – bibi | the killa – tomorrow x together | xo – enhypen | honey! – tabber ft. dean | up late – gemini | put my hands on you – dean, anderson .paak

→ season one — season two — read more

› smut warnings under the cut

✮ warnings: smut with plot, polyamorous relationship, threesomes, joshua is into cucking, talks of bisexuality and consent, light homo-erotic themes ?, possessiveness, jealousy, dom and sub dynamics, (joshua, jeonghan and bunny are kinda switchy in this chapter) multiple unprotected sex scenes, anal and vaginal penetration, double penetration, fingering, pussy eating, nipple teasing. exhibitionsim kink: sex in public spaces, groping. brat taming: spanking, overstimming, edging. pet names: baby, beautiful, brat, bunny, filthy girl, good girl, princess (hers) handsome, babe, baby, baby boy, altar boy (joshua's) baby (jeonghan) ✮ author's note: heyooooo. this note is to explain that the instances where Bunny with capital letter is mentioned, it is a placeholder for "Y/N", oke oke, bye ( • ω • )🩵 ✮ additional note: this is not proofread, as always. so if you spot silly mistakes, no you didn't. bye 🤘🏻 ✮ disclaimer: minors dni this post is intended for 18+ readers. please have your age stated in your description and try not to look like a bot please 🙂.

part iii

The light rain pattering against the windows had created a pleasant lullaby that accompanied you in your dreams, though made fragile by the constant noise, you welcomed it.

Your boyfriend's arms hugged you languidly but close to him, so close in fact that you were breathing on his skin, your face kept snuggled against his chest.

It was three nights before he was scheduled to go on tour. So, every single night and day, Joshua made sure he spent it like this: close to you, searching for you to kiss your face, to hold your hand, to hug you.

However, this night was different.

Joshua was an incredibly good sleeper. He fell asleep with such ease made you feel envious sometimes, he never budged, never woke up with any noise, unlike you.

So, when the sky rumbled, announcing a heavier rain for the following moments, you woke up. Shortly then, you knew that it would take a while for you to fall asleep again.

Defeated, you sighed softly against your boyfriend's skin, snuggling close so your face was almost pressed between the crook between his well-defined pecs.

Initially, his limbs seemed to twitch uncontrollably, making a something flash through your mind, thinking that he might have woken up too by the loud sounding of the sky.

But no, Joshua did it again in his sleep, his body tensing in a snap, his shoulders contracting and chest bumping against your face. The sound escaping from his lips was broken, and hollow—a groan that was cut short by him waking up abruptly.

“Joshua?” you called when he flinched violently and sat up in quick succession.

You felt a heavy hand palm the bedcovers, searching for something beside him frantically until he felt your knee, your calf and let out a sigh.

You saw his back rising and falling rapidly and quickly sat up beside him. “Babe?” you asked, voice full of worry. “What's wrong?”

“I'm fine, I'm fine,” he gasped crestfallen, his back to you still, rising and falling erratically. His hand circled your ankle above the covers, almost as if he needed to anchor himself to any part of your body he could find.

“Joshua, look at me,” you insisted, unsure that he had woken up completely, feeling his body shake slightly on the bed.

Your heart crushed upon seeing his furrowed brow, his eyelashes clumped by the tears that were brimming in his eyes.

“I'm okay, baby, I'm fine,” he whispered shakily, sniffling with some shyness, and bringing up his other hand to wipe his own tears.

“No, you're not,” you breathed and cupped his cheek wet with tears, commanding him to look at you. “Baby, what's wrong? Talk to me, what happened?”

His mouth parted, your heart broke a bit more when his lip quivered, and he gave you an anguished look. “I don't know,” he whispered, as he drew in a breath, a ragged sound came out from him. “I don't know.”

But his next actions said otherwise, he took your hand from his cheek and threw your arm over his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around you, clumsily hugging you.

“I'm okay, I'm okay,” he repeated, over and over, making you think that he was telling that to himself instead of you. “I'm sorry, Bunny. I didn't mean to scare you.”

“It's okay, don't apologize,” you muttered against his chest, gasping softly when Joshua brought your body back down on the bed. “I'm only worried about you.”

Joshua muttered something unintelligible under his breath, but you could not make out what he said exactly. His arms tightened around your body, and he sighed out with a hum. “Mn,” his chest deflated and soon, he fell asleep again.

Now you were unsure whether what had happened was in Joshua's complete clarity. But you waited, fully alarmed and awake, you did not dare to move a limb, even your breathing was cautious.

Joshua did not wake up again. In fact, you are not sure for how long you waited until you fell asleep as well, holding onto him just as he held onto you.

The following morning, his side of the bed was cold and empty when you came to your senses, stretching one arm beneath the covers and opened your eyes.

You slowly rose from the bed, adjusting the oversized t-shirt you wore to sleep and climbed off bed, deciding to head directly to the bathroom after hearing some noises coming from the kitchen.

After rinsing, and making yourself look a bit more presentable, you came out of the bathroom. The first thing that piqued your interest was the smell of coffee coming from the kitchen, being so that Joshua was committed with taking you out for breakfast these days.

You stopped upon crossing the kitchen's door, feeling like being slapped with wild reality.

“Morning, princess.”

“Jeonghan,” you blurted and crossed your arms over your chest, meekly covering yourself over your boyfriend's t-shirt. “G-good morning.”

Jeonghan was busy with whisking a heavy bowl of eggs, so he just followed you with his sweet brown eyes when you approached him shyly.

His movements slowed down when you stood beside him, standing on your tiptoes to give him a small peck on his cheek. Jeonghan blinked and sent you a look that you were not able to read, but then he smiled at you just as sheepish.

“Did you sleep alright, baby?” he muttered, his eyes reading yours, then looking at your lips.

Something fluttered deep inside you, and you could see that your reaction was involuntarily made visible on the features of your face because his lips curved slightly.

You had not seen Jeonghan since the day after you agreed to Joshua's proposition, which allowed you to be with Jeonghan freely—not as friends, but as lovers. But being alone with him like this, without your boyfriend around somehow felt off to you.

“Uh, yeah, um,” you blinked and looked around aimlessly. “Where is Joshua?”

Jeonghan resumed whisking the big bowl of eggs. “Your boyfriend is in a meeting with his band and the tour manager,” he nodded to his phone left unlocked on the countertop. “He's supposed to be coming back any time now.”

“He didn't tell me about this,” you mumbled glumly and stopped yourself. It felt odd to talk about your relationship now that Jeonghan was technically your partner too.

But he seemed impassive to it, he just nodded and sucked in a breath slowly, thinking of what to say. “Yeah, it appears to be a thing that came out of nowhere. I ran into him on the elevator,” he pressed his palms on the edge of the countertop.

“So... did he tell you to come here?” you asked and looked at the bowl of eggs. “To make breakfast?”

“No,” he frowned and turned to the stove setting up the frying pan and turned the fire to a medium. “I came here to see you, but you were still asleep. I grew bored. And hungry.”

“Oh,” you huffed a smile. “And here I thought you were making me breakfast.”

Jeonghan looked over to show you a sly smile. “Don't think too highly of yourself, princess.”

“Why not, since you call me princess all the time, I should be treated as such,” you replied in a matter-of-factly way.

Jeonghan stood frozen for a second. “Tsk,” he snorted. “Brat.”

At some point, you had referred to Yoon Jeonghan as your best friend. From the moment you met him, he quickly became someone you trusted, someone you searched for company. It was only until you realized that you had grown feelings for him that everything changed.

It did not seem odd to you that he would still try to tease you in some way, in fact, you welcomed it. It gave you a sense of familiarity with him, that your relationship had not changed in its entirety.

But still, something felt a bit nerve wracking.

You grabbed two cups to pour some coffee in. “Just milk, right?”

“Just milk,” he nodded, focused on cooking the scrambled eggs without browning them. “Thank you.”

“Don't mention it,” you whispered. “D'you want toast, too?”

“I bought croissants,” he nudged you with his elbow, pointing with his beautiful nose to the paper bag sitting on the countertop.

“Oh, nice,” you smiled stiffly, opening the bag to get the fresh smell of butter and bread. The bag had three pieces. “Thank you, Jeongjeong.”

“Don't mention it,” he replied in kind, but he looked you up and down for a second before he busied himself with serving three plates of scrambled eggs with bacon.

“What?” you asked after a long minute of silence, watching Jeonghan methodically finish cooking breakfast.

He set the frying pan aside and turned the stove off. “Nothing,” he hummed, shaking his black-haired head twice. He turned to you, in the enclosed space between the kitchen counters and you took a step back as he tried to approach you.

“What's up with you, princess?” he asked softly, taking another step, you took one back, then another until you bumped with the fridge.

“You make me nervous,” you confessed with a shaky tone, looking straight to his eyes as he read you in his expert way. You tried to suppress a smile, but when you saw his lips curve in a side smirk, you failed. “Joshua isn't here.”

“So?” he arched one eyebrow, then he blinked, seemingly finding out what you meant. “Do you think this is wrong?”

You eased into your stance a little by loosening the tension in your shoulders. “No. I just don't—this is just so new to me still,” you pointed to your body and his with one finger swiftly.

“Oh,” he paused and then: “I get it,” Jeonghan shrugged, and turned to grab two plates setting them on the table and returned to get the other one.

Completely bewildered, you watched him come and go. You wondered, why now as he turned his back to you that you wanted to grab him and regain his attention. But there you were, back still pressed against the fridge, the thing snapping you to full clarity was the noise coming from the front door.

“Ah, you're back,” you heard Jeonghan say in his own content manner. “Made a plate for you too.”

“Hey, man. Thanks,” your boyfriend sighed, there was some ruffling of fabric, and you assumed it was him removing his denim jacket, proving yourself right when you came out of the kitchen. “Where—oh, there you are.”

You smiled meekly at him, his eyes scanning your frame, noticing that you were still in your sleepwear, which was his oversized t-shirt. Joshua extended an arm as he approached you, a hand sliding on your waist. “Hi, beautiful,” he muttered after pressing a tender kiss on your lips.

“Hi, handsome,” you replied quietly, giving him a shy smile when you saw his eyes. “How was work?”

“It was fine,” he said flatly, and you could tell that it was a subject that he would prefer to not talk about just yet.

“Are you okay?” you whispered softly, reading his eyes to catch every single reaction written on his face.

“Yeah,” he nodded dismissively and then: “Did you just wake up?” Joshua realized, backing away slightly, but keeping a hand on your waist as he read the features of your face.

“Yeah,” you giggled when he shot you a mildly shocked look. “I didn't get much sleep last night,” you explained, occupying a seat on the round table next to Jeonghan, who huffed loudly.

“Ah, Joshuji, you need to let princess sleep sometimes,” he teased with a cheeky smile.

A hot wave of embarrassment washed over your face. But Joshua giggled joyfully, throwing his head back slightly. “Well, I'm not the culprit this time.”

You cocked your head to one side, making both men pause. Jeonghan darted a look at your boyfriend and suppressed a smile. “Josh, you don't remember last night?” you asked with some caution.

Joshua slowed down on his movements, leaving his fork hanging between his fingers as he chewed almost mechanically. “What do you mean?” he frowned.

“Tsk,” Jeonghan seemed to be preparing to shoot a joke, but upon reading your face, he stopped.

“Wait, are you serious?” you asked him, stretching a hand on the table to grab his. “You don't remember anything?”

Joshua lowered his fork completely, his gaze falling out of focus as if he were conjuring the memory of what you meant. He shook his head slightly. “Baby, I don't think I know what you mean,” he looked beside him at his best friend and smiled awkwardly. “Did I do something?”

“You were dreaming,” you explained carefully. “And then you woke up crying.”

Joshua blinked, giving you a bewildered expression. “I don't remember anything,” his frown deepened, then he squeezed your hand. “I'm sorry that I kept you up, baby.”

“No, don't be,” you muttered, retreating your hand from his to grab your fork and started eating from your plate, though the food had already gone cold.  

Jeonghan sat down on the couch, releasing a heavy sigh. His bright eyes found you as you sat next to him. Joshua had taken the task to do the dishes after convincing you by saying that I was only fair since Jeonghan cooked breakfast.

“What's up, princess,” Jeonghan mumbled, making you set your phone aside when he slid one hand on your thigh.

The motion of his hand inching up your thigh send a chill through your body. You tried to brush it off. “I'm just worried,” you replied with a hushed tone.

His eyes darted to the kitchen, buzzing with the sounds of dishes clanking together, water running and Joshua's voice, singing one of his songs.

“Why?” Jeonghan knew right away what you meant without needing to explain more. “We just have to trust him. If he says he's okay, then let him show you that he is.”

“But last night...” you whispered, then choked up upon remembering and shook your head in resignation.

“Baby, he has been making an effort to keep his promise,” Jeonghan muttered, darting another look, and shifting on his seat, thighs wide apart. “He has been communicating, he's present, and we're here.”

You nodded. Ever since Joshua confessed that he wanted you to work things out with Jeonghan too, he has been lively, much as if a weight had been lifted from his heart. Now, as he figured things out and sorted his opinions on the matter, he would voice them out with you and Jeonghan.

“That's another thing that worries me,” you whispered nervously, feeling like the opportunity to speak about this with Jeonghan would run up soon. “I don't know how an open relationship works; I don't know what to expect.”

Jeonghan moved his head on the headrest, a question written in his beautiful eyes. “What do you mean, princess?” he asked, reading your features.

“Yeah, I don't know how I'll feel when he starts dating someone new,” you blurted out hurriedly, whispering to the point that you need to take a big gulp of air afterwards.

Jeonghan smiled with a slow realization and blinked for a long second. “Baby, this is not an open relationship,” he said. “Did you really think that this arrangement allowed for him to date other people?”

You nodded meekly.

“What's going on?” your boyfriend asked, his gentle tone coming so abruptly made you nearly jump off the couch. Seeing your reaction, he paused: “Am I interrupting something?”

“No, not at all,” you gulped and looked at your lover sitting beside you. “We-we were just talking about a book that–,”

“Princess thought that we're in an open relationship,” Jeonghan stated flatly.

Your heartbeat faltered. “Jeonghan,” you reproached with a sunken tone.

“You need to lie better,” Jeonghan retorted.

“There was no way I would've believed that,” Joshua concurred in a nonchalant way. But then, he moved on quickly with a, “What made you think that bunny?”

“I–I don't know, I was just saying that I d-don't really know what to expect when you go away and,” you inhaled deeply, and exhaled: “We haven't talked about what happens when you go away, not extensively.”

Joshua smiled; it was not a condescending smile but one of relief as he understood where the root of your insecurities was.

“Because this isn't an open relationship,” Joshua explained gently and sat down on the empty space beside you. “That would mean that all three of us can see other people, right?”

You nodded.

Joshua continued. “But this isn't that, it's just between us three,” he gestured with a hand to Jeonghan, then you and him. “An open relationship would mean that you can have sex with multiple people but staying with me in a committed way.”

“This is a poly. I won't see or date other people, neither will Joshua,” Jeonghan explained too after you looked at him and he saw your confused face. “And well, do you want to see more people, baby?” he smirked.

Joshua smiled too when you made a scandalized expression with your face. “No!” you shook your head.

“I'm okay with you and Jeonghan dating, he is okay with us being together,” he finished explaining with a satisfied expression on his face. “Questions?”

“So, you won't see other people, not even when you go away,” it was not a question, it was more like you were reaffirming it and thus putting your concerns at rest.

“No, bunny, not even when I go away,” he smiled gently at you, probably finding your worry endearing.

“Is it not a bit unfair that you can't see other people?” you asked, your heart skipping a beat over the heaviness of the question.

“But I don't want that,” he frowned slightly. “I just want you.”

Jeonghan leaned his head against his fist, propping his elbow on the armrest. He smiled softly when you sent him a look and nodded, agreeing with your boyfriend.

You paused for a moment, gathering your thoughts. “And following your logic, you two could be with each other, yes?” you cocked your head to the side.

Joshua tilted his head back, letting out a sweet giggle, making your stomach flutter.

“Yes, princess, in theory,” Jeonghan answered and squeezed your bare thigh with his hand, making your tummy flutter erratically.

“Okay,” you sighed contently with the new information, paused, and thought for a long second. “I think I'd be okay with that.”

With a sigh, you simply lied down on the couch you were sitting with the two men, leaning your head down on Jeonghan's lap and outstretching your legs to Joshua.

You realized upon looking up at Jeonghan's face that you did not give both men the opportunity to reply to your admittance, the obfuscated look flashing on his eyes told you that much.

“Mn,” you hummed happily, stretching your limbs, and exhaled looking up at your lover, who was expertly shaking off the bewilderment.

“You have a long day ahead, right Joshuji?” he asked, placing a hand on your tummy, and you noticed the pause he took before doing so, much as if he were not sure where to place his hand, but deciding that was where it belonged.

Joshua took one look at the hand placed flatly over his t-shirt that you wore. “Yeah,” he croaked. “I should probably be getting ready. Got a press thing in some hours,” he announced.

“I'm taking princess to help me shop for something to wear for tonight,” Jeonghan mentioned offhandedly, you drew in a breath, and he felt it, making his eyes search your face.

“So, see you there, then?” Joshua asked, gently adjusting your feet back so he could rise from the couch. Then, his large hands grabbed his black wife-beater by the hem, stripping it off his torso.

“We'll be there,” you whispered, trapping your lower lip behind your teeth.

Joshua noticed your eyes on him, his naked torso and smiled. “You can join me if you want,” he muttered, turning away and as you saw the well-defined muscle in his back, something sparked in your mind.

Jeonghan had his eyes set on your boyfriend too, his facial expression hard to read. You heard the bathroom door close, and his eyes dropped to your face. “What?”

“Did I overstep with my questions?” you asked shyly.

“You did no such thing,” he muttered softly, removing his hand from your tummy to pinch your chin. “He knows.”

“About you being bi?” you incited.

“Of course,” he shrugged slightly. “You know I don't have secrets.”

“Do you think I made him uncomfortable?” you asked although you already suspected the answer.

“Probably not, or at least I don't think so,” he chuckled lightly. “Relax, you did nothing wrong, baby. Your questions are valid.”

“Did you tell him?” you asked with genuine curiosity. “I'm sorry but I'm kind of curious as to how you guys met.”

“He still hasn't told you that story?” he huffed, his hand returned to your tummy, where he patted gently. “Yeah, I told him. Just like I told you. But with Joshua it was different, since we've had threesomes before, we discussed what we're comfortable with, so.”

“Oh, that makes a lot of sense,” you frowned.

He smiled cutely at you. “Are you more at ease now?”

“Yeah, I think so,” you muttered. “I'm just curious.”

“I'm an open book, princess,” he giggled softly. “Go ahead.”

Your eyelids fluttered briefly when his hand traveled down to your lower tummy, then back up, as if caressing you over your sleepwear. “When did it started?”

“The threesomes?” he pushed his eyebrows up, then raised his head, brow furrowed now as he tried to remember. “Huh. Maybe some four... five months after I met him.”

“Really?” your voice shot up.

“You've never asked him stuff like this?” he asked in an unpatronizing way, it was genuine curiosity.

“Well, yeah but I've never asked him for details about his past experiences with you,” you tilted your head to one side. “Or at least, he's never mentioned it.”

“It's just what it was, fun consensual sex,” he rolled his eyes, slightly unpleased with his own answer. “We've only done it a few times, at least some four times before you.”

“So, six now,” you added dumbly.

He nodded. “Any more questions, beautiful?”

“Mmn, no, I don't think so,” you smiled softly at him. “I'm just curious, since most of my... more daring sexual experiences have been with him, and you. I wanted to know a bit further from the experiences that involved me.”

“That's fair,” he conceded. “But it's a good idea that you ask him too, right?”

“Right,” you aloofly.

“Now that I think about it,” Jeonghan drew in a breath through his teeth, his frown deepening softly.

“What?” you egged him on.

“Was Joshua your first sexual partner?” he asked cautiously, aware of the heaviness of the topic of conversation. But he understood that you were open to talk about it, since your questions were revolving around sex.

“No,” you replied flatly. “But he has been the first in many things,” you giggled shamefully when you realized how it sounded. “I was mostly inexperienced in many things when we met.”

“Oh, yes, I remember that now,” he pointed, referring to your very chaotic deal with Joshua to be your sexual partner so you could write sexually explicit scenes for your book.

“Yeah,” you nodded, lost in the distant memory. “I've explored many things with him. And now with you too.”

Jeonghan smiled at you, it was the kind of smile he did when he pressed his lips together in a flat line, making tiny dimples appear on his chin.

“Do you want to go get ready, baby?” Jeonghan patted your tummy, noticing your distant eyes. “Go.”

You sat up but sat on your knees next to him to bring a hand to the crook of his beautiful neck, making his eyes snap open in surprise, which was quickly replaced by something else.

You landed a small peck on his lips. “Wanna come with me?” you mumbled shakily, batting your eyelashes at him awkwardly.

“So, you're not worried about this anymore?” he asked with some gruffness in his tone, a hand encircling your wrist, and the other cupping your nape to kiss you again.

“A little bit, but,” you drew in a breath, and he took the opportunity to press his lips against yours with a soft smacking sound. “You need a shower. You're stinky.”

“No, I'm not,” he giggled, but caught your misdirect with a nod of his head. “Let's go.”

You stood up from the couch, taking his hand in yours as you dragged him towards the bathroom. You heard him release a short grunt when you pulled him from the couch and fell into step with you.

The bathroom door was left parted and inviting you in, you delivered a soft knock before pushing it open and sneaked a look inside.

“Hi there,” he smiled softly, he had discarded his dark grey jeans, and stood before the shower wearing only his boxers. “Are you joining me?”

“Yup,” you sighed, turning to Jeonghan standing behind you as your boyfriend approached. “Come here,” you grabbed the black-haired man by his clothes, dragging him to you and immediately took his t-shirt off, then the beanie on his head and dropped them on the floor.

“Slow down, princess,” he giggled sweetly, but letting you rid him of his clothes since he was the one wearing most.

“Let her have fun,” your boyfriend said behind you, his large hands slipping beneath the large t-shirt you wore, finding your waist as he planted a kiss on your cheek.

“What do you want, baby?” Jeonghan asked, looking at you with avid eyes as your boyfriend's hands slid upwards, hiking the t-shirt up and uncovering your thighs.

“I want both of you,” you replied, though your voice sounded breathless, laughing shakenly as your boyfriend caressed the sides of your breasts with his fingers. He finished removing the t-shirt off, now moving his face to press his lips on your naked shoulder.

“We're going to make Joshuji late,” he smirked when your eyelids fluttered wildly when you felt a wet kiss on your shoulder blade.

“I can be late,” he muttered at once, his voice muffled in the crook of your neck. His large hands moving back to your waist, then down to find the band of your boy-short panties, pushing them down your legs.

You busied yourself with the casing of his sweatpants, undoing it with a jab. “Do you want to do this, Hannie?” you coaxed at him, stripping him off his sweats and boxers in one go.

“Course I do,” he whispered, closing the space between your lips and his own with a featherlight kiss. “I always want you.”

“Mmn,” Joshua hummed, using his hands on you to flip you around with no effort, so now you stood face to face with him.

“Be nice,” you smirked, noticing his darkened gaze on the features of your face. Your hands traveled down, from his chest to the waistband of his boxers, tugging them down slowly, his hard cock springing out, making your mouth water upon feeling him with your hand.

Joshua clicked his tongue, but then ended up smiling guiltily at you. “Fine. I'll be nice,” he whispered reluctantly, and then pulled the shower tap on, testing the water briefly before taking your hand and bringing you under the shower stream.

What happened next was something that only happened in your craziest, wildest fantasies. Both men had switched to the same mindset already, taking turns with teasing you with kisses, touching you, determined to make you feel good.

The shower head was directly above you, getting your hair and skin soaked within seconds, but the warmth in your skin was not only due to the water washing over you.

Both men had you pressed against their bodies, one look at Joshua's face told you just how eager he was already. The spark in his eyes, biting his lower lip before he leaned his head to capture your lips in a chaste kiss.

Jeonghan slid his hands to grab you by the waist, pressing tender kisses on your shoulder, making a trail to the crook of your neck. You tilted your head for him, allowing his kisses to reach spots that had your breath hitching, moaning softly.

Your hands held onto your boyfriend's strong shoulders, fingers digging into his muscle when you felt Jeonghan's delicate hands travel from your waist up.

“Hannie,” you mewled out when his hands cupped your breasts. Realizing that he had never touched you this way before, you opened your eyes to see him run the pads of his pointer fingers around your areola, exploring your body.

Joshua leaned his head forward once again, trapping your lips between his with a raspy moan from his part, slipping his tongue inside your mouth, wrapping perfectly on yours.

Then a large hand parked on your tummy, sliding slowly down to your lower tummy, a finger finding the mount between your thighs. You let out a needy moan, parting your legs and pushing your hips forward.

But your knees buckled, making you push a hand on his shoulder, stopping him before his finger dipped between your pussy lips. “Joshua,” you breathed nervously.

“Mn?” he responded, pressing small kisses on the corner of your lips, a fingertip sliding between your pussy lips, finding your sopping core with a satisfied sigh.

“Please,” you mewled out, pulling your head back and rested it on Jeonghan's shoulder.

“Please, what?” he whispered, planting a kiss on your earlobe, sending shivers down your spine, making you arch your back.

Your mouth hanged open when Joshua dipped a finger inside your pussy, his doe eyes zeroed on your face riddled by the pleasure of feeling his finger massaging your walls, another finger joining after a couple of thrusts.

“Oh my god,” you sighed and closed your eyes, letting yourself be engrossed by the blissful pleasure coursing through you. Both Joshua and Jeonghan were pleasuring you, touching your bare skin freely, kissing you, responding to the sounds you made with their own.

You would soon be covered in soapy bubbles, dripping from head to toe but you could not care about that, or about how you were the only one being showered by the warm stream of water. Joshua’s hands were pleasuring you, his lips kissing you. A large hand searched for your hip, grabbing your thigh, and hoisting it up his waist, holding you steady.

Your arms circled his neck, squealing in his mouth when you nearly lose your balance, but he kept you firmly wrapped around his body. His fingers curled inside you, teasing a glorious spot in your walls, making you muffle a high-pitch moan in his mouth.

“Stop, stop,” you choked out.

Both men paused at the same time, one man lifting his head from your shoulder, the other pulling back from your lips, hand leaving the needy mount between your thighs.

“Yes, baby?” Joshua asked, reading your face.

“C-can we continue this on the bed?” you stammered slightly embarrassed.

“Yeah, sure,” he smiled at you.

“Come on, princess,” Jeonghan took the lead right away, being so that he was not as soaked as your boyfriend was and pulled you out of the shower.

You giggled nervously when your back hit the mattress, Jeonghan crawled on top of you, pressing a kiss in your lips before diving in for a deeper kiss, his tongue swiping a line on your lower lip.

“We're soaking the covers,” you hummed in between rushed kisses.

Jeonghan let out a chuckle into your mouth, probably thinking some perverse retort. His nose wrinkled slightly but he just shook his head, drops of water joining the ones on your chest when he leaned down.

You arched your back slightly when his tongue swirled around one of your nipples, you felt the underside of his tongue teasing your nipple, getting it hard. A hand snapped to find his black hair to tangle your fingers in.

“God, Hannie,” you gasped, but were swiftly distracted by Joshua pressing a knee on the edge of the bed, his hand tossing a bottle of lube and a condom on the empty space beside you.

You frowned and looked up at him, formulating a question silently with your mouth agape.

“It's for me,” he explained, noticing your face. He crawled to lie beside you. “We're gonna have to do this quick,” he reiterated with a more commanding tone, his hand cupping your cheek before leaning his face to meet your lips.

You tried to nod your head yes, but his hand slid on the back, his fingers sinking in your wet hair as he kissed you deeper, his wet tongue swiftly meeting yours.

Then you understood Joshua did not say that to you precisely. Jeonghan lowered his body on you, leaving a wet kiss next to your belly button, making you squirm slightly.

Suddenly you felt your hand being removed from the long and wet black hair of your lover. His lithe fingers came between yours and placed your locked hands on the covers, beside your hip.

You knew it was coming before you could have a chance to see it. Your body tensed up too, bracing yourself for the first contact of Jeonghan's mouth on your mound, kissing you openly.

Joshua stopped kissing you, moving his hand from your nape to your chin to hold your gaze. “Look at me,” he whispered, just as Jeonghan's tongue gave a broad stroke to your pussy lips.

You flinched, making your breath hitch embarrassingly. “Hannie,” you squeezed his hand, and he responded with a groan, his tongue dipping between your folds.

Joshua held your gaze intently, his dark eyes outlining each of your features. “Don't look at him,” he muttered with a low, raspy tone.

You tried to suppress a moan, eyebrows knitting by reflex when Jeonghan started making out with your pussy, his mouth pressed tightly on your folds, licking, and tasting you fully.

But it was your boyfriend that held your gaze, his fingers threading your hair lovingly, caressing your cheek as you moaned and squirmed on the bed. “Joshua,” you moaned, calling out his name purely by instinct.

A dark smile appeared on his face. “Yes, baby?” he whispered. He leaned his head ever so slightly to one side. “How does that feel?”

“Good,” you breathed, closing your eyes briefly to focus on your lover pleasuring you, on his tongue pressed on your clit, swirling it around. “God,” you swallowed hard, trying to hold to the pleasure sizzling on your skin. “Just like that, Hannie.”

“Mn,” your boyfriend's lips pressed on yours once. “Eyes on me, bunny,” he commanded.

When you did, you tried to get a look at the man between your legs, but Joshua's large hand came to cup your chin, making you look at him.

“Make her come,” he muttered looking straight into your eyes. It was a challenge, you saw it written in his dark eyes, in the smirk that curved his beautiful lips.

And it was a challenge that Jeonghan took at once, his hand gripping your thigh moved to your lower tummy, pressing down slightly right before diving in you with his mouth on your cunt.

“Fuck,” you squeezed your eyes shut.

You wondered when Jeonghan was going to give up—but probably the question lied in if he were giving up. His mouth was unrelenting on you, his tongue flicking the sensitive bundle of nerves in your cunt.

The sounds he made on you were of delight, basically telling you he loved being there, between your legs, eliciting raw moans from you with his tongue on your clit.

“P-please,” you sighed, finding your boyfriend's face with your free hand.

“Please, what?” he hummed. The mewl you let out as a response made him smile at you. “You're close, baby?”

You nodded; you were very close.

“Go ahead, baby,” Joshua purred as he trailed a line with the tip of his finger from the middle part of your collarbone, down your chest, to your sternum. “Come on his mouth.”

You hated that it was his voice, his command that almost tipped you over. But you resisted with everything in your will from it, pushing your hips towards Jeonghan's face slightly, making him groan in protest.

You found his nape with the hand that was not clasped in his, pushing your hips to his face once again. In a couple of thrusts, you were practically fucking his face, swaying your hips, sliding your pussy on his mouth.

With a strangled sigh, you closed your eyes, savoring your release as Jeonghan quickly understood what you were doing. And without skipping a second, he went along with it, relaxing his tongue onto your throbbing clit.

You held in a big gulp of air, squeezing your eyelids as you reached your second climax, whining and squeezing Jeonghan's fingers. He responded with a groan of his own, his hand pressing lower on your tummy, helping you through your high.

“Mn,” you heard your boyfriend sound unimpressed, but still leaned in to kiss your whiny moans, capturing your lips gently. “Filthy girl,” he hummed a smile on his face as he kept kissing you until you stopped thrashing and moaning.

Heaving, you released Jeonghan's hand and hair opening your eyes feeling nearly disoriented.

The first thing you saw was your boyfriend’s hands opening a condom. “Turn over, bunny,” Joshua patted your side lightly.

“No, not yet,” you protested rebelliously, just when Jeonghan rose from between your legs, crawling on top of your body, claiming your lips with a hot, passionate kiss.

You could taste yourself in his lips, feel your slick dripping down his lower lip as he hummed and kissed you fervently. Your hands found his shoulders and pushed, motioning him to lie back on the bed.

That he did, quite obediently. And as he laid his head on the pillows, his bright eyes found your face, very eagerly telling you without a word that he was enjoying you step on a slightly more commanding role.

You got to your knees, taking in the view of the two men you loved, lying naked on your bed. They were both damp on their skin, their hair. Rock hard for you. You leaned over, propping your body with one hand on the pillows to kiss Jeonghan on the lips, blindly running a hand down Joshua's abdomen.

You could feel his gaze on you as you rolled your tongue past Jeonghan's lips, making him moan into your mouth. The tips of your fingers felt your boyfriend's belly button, so you just inched to the side, grabbing his hard cock with one hand, pumping it languidly.

“Tsk,” you heard your boyfriend clicking his tongue. Then his large hands circled your waist, pulling you down forcefully, detaching you from your lover's lips.

A small yelp left your mouth, your body hitting the mattress. You sent him a look. “Joshua!” you protested.

But then he brought down his large hand on your ass, the slap resounding across the bedroom. “Brat.”

“Mnf,” you squeezed your eyelids at the hot pain searing on your skin. You heard someone sigh, making you open one eye to see Jeonghan smiling at you, as if he found you cute.

“Behave,” Joshua conditioned, caressing the sore area of your skin with care. “Or should I get the cuffs?”

“I can behave,” you muttered, meekly settling in between both men. “No cuffs.”

“Good,” he breathed, getting the condom out of the packet and rolled it down his cock to his hilt. “Lie sideways with your back to me.”

You knew what his plan was at once, and did what he told you, lying on your side with your back to him. And then you knew that both had communicated wordlessly once again. Jeonghan slid a hand on your hip, grabbing a handful of your glute to keep you spread to your boyfriend.

“Breathe in, baby,” Joshua whispered behind you, his fingers caressing your hole softly, sighing when he felt it clench instinctively, right before he started to push on your hole, smearing you with cold lube slowly.

Joshua’s hand slid between your thighs, lifting one up to spread your legs open. Then you felt Jeonghan’s hand on your mound, making you look at his fingers right before he started teasing your swollen clit again, the pads of his fingers mimicking the same movements he made with his tongue, softly teasing your clit, moving his fingers side to side.

You moaned helplessly against him, receiving one consoling kiss as Joshua’s lubed fingers pushed inside you, slowly, pushing in and out slightly, testing you at first. “God,” you squirmed.

“Alright?” Joshua breathed behind you, and you turned to look at him over your shoulder nodding your head. “Can I give you more?”

“Yeah,” you gave him a reassuring nod.

“Okay,” he breathed, locking eyes with you as his fingers scissored inside you slightly, looking at your mouth as you let out another moan.

You turned your head again receiving another soft kiss on your shoulder blade. You heard him pump more lube onto his hands, and his fingers returned to spread you open.

He pushed another inch in, and you shivered uncontrollably, closing your eyes, and swallowing hard. “Josh,” you mewled. “Please, hurry.”

“Just a little more,” he mumbled and pressed a loving kiss on your shoulder blade. “Can you arch your back for me? There, baby, that's it.”

A hand crawled on Jeonghan's slender shoulder, finding the crook of his neck, and held on him for support as you practically thrashed on the bed, in between both Jeonghan and Joshua.  

“Please,” you begged, biting your lower lip to muffle a moan when his fingers spread inside you.

“Almost there,” he replied cautiously. “Breathe out.”

It was then that you finally felt the lubed tip of his cock push in your hole, tortuously slow.

“Oh god,” you squeezed your eyes shut, fingers curling on Jeonghan's wet dark hair.

“Fuck,” Joshua exhaled, leaning his forehead on your exposed nape. “Baby.”

“Please,” you whined, loving the feeling spreading on your limbs, tingling from under your skin. “More.”

Joshua grunted, complying without a word, pushing his cock inside you a bit further, but just about enough to make you cry out loudly, and so very lewdly.

“That's it, baby,” he muttered softly, planting another soothing kiss on your nape. “You're taking me so well.”

Then he released a puffy air on your nape that sent shivers down your spine. He retreated his hips, then pushed them to you, burying his cock further into you with a small groan.

“God,” he sighed, repeatedly with each shallow thrust.

“Joshua,” you cried, receiving small kisses on your shoulder blade.

You opened your eyes upon feeling Jeonghan's cold hand squeeze your skin gently, as if telling you wordlessly to look at him.

“Can you take me now, princess?” he asked, his eyes outlining the features of your face.

You nodded, gulping hard.

A large hand moved to your hip, brushing with Jeonghan's as they exchanged tasks, Joshua cupping your thigh and keeping your leg angled to both.

Jeonghan bit his lower lip as he adjusted his hips, aligning them with yours. He sent you a quick glance as his hand grabbed his pretty cock, guiding its leaking tip to your pussy. And with no pause, no teasing, he eased himself inside you slowly, cautiously.

A raw moan escaped your mouth as he pushed his cock inside your walls, the feeling so deliriously good you saw stars when you closed your teary eyes.

Joshua moaned too, probably savoring the feeling of your walls being stuffed full. “Fuck,” he muttered through gritted teeth, breathing hard on the curve of your neck.

You could not utter a single word. Everything had gone blank in a second. All you could focus on was the pleasure you got from the two men you loved inside you. All that occupied your brain was them, their skin plastered to yours, them moaning with you. One kissing your nape, your hair. The other kissing your face.

“Hannie... Hannie,” you breathed out in his mouth, and you could feel the effect your voice had in him, his hips buckled for a split second, eliciting a moan from you and from Joshua at the same time.

But both kept their seamless synchronicity, pushing in and out of you at the same time, their bodies pressed to yours, so warm, so full.

“I know, baby,” he responded with a low tone. “I feel it too,” he whispered, probably referring to the overwhelming pleasure you felt, the joy and love from being so close to both of your partners.

You turned your head over your shoulder to see the face of your boyfriend, whose lips stretched in a faint smile. “Do you like that?” he rasped, noticing the fucked out look in your eyes.

“Yeah,” you breathed, looking at his lips then back to his eyes.

His smile grew, knowingly leaning his face to yours to brush his lips with yours. “I know,” he whispered, his lips caressing yours. “You feel so good.”

You received a kiss on your neck, bringing out a moan that was muffled in Joshua's mouth as you leaned closer to kiss him deeply.

“So good,” Jeonghan sighed on your throat, his breath caressing your skin before he pressed more kisses.

You clumsily turned your head to kiss Jeonghan, he moved his face at the same time you did, finding your lips with a tender kiss, which you reciprocated with a whiny moan.

“Faster,” you muttered, sliding a hand on top of Jeonghan's, which was still parked on your hip. “Please, faster.”

Jeonghan nodded, complying at once. Joshua kissed your nape once more, also pushing inside you at a faster pace, falling in sync with Jeonghan in a second. Both started moaning more, their sweet and raw sounds flooding the room, pushing you closer and closer.

“Please,” you mewled heedlessly, losing yourself into a pool of pleasure, feeling so close to your sweet release. “Please, please, more.”

Joshua pressed his forehead to your exposed nape, muffling a raw moan against your skin, his lips giving you open kisses. His breathing had begun to catch, sounding shaky in your ear. “Baby,” he rasped, letting you know he was close too.

“You're close, baby?” Jeonghan muttered sweetly, learning to discern the sound of your voice when you were close to your orgasm, the faces you made.

You nodded your head in affirmation, unable to bring yourself to do more. Your body was firmly pressed to both, your clammy skin plastered together, you felt them breathe harder, heard them moan in near unison.

It drove you crazy. You loved it more and more: to be theirs, to feel them as close as humanly possible. They kept their thrusts fast and steady, always in sync, as if they shared one mind when they were with you.

Your hand circled Jeonghan's wrist, bracing yourself for the pleasure consuming you fast with a fiery wave, making you shut your eyes and cry out lewdly over and over. Both men responded with their own raw sounds, holding you tightly as they both succumbed with you helplessly.

“Fuck,” Joshua gritted, his face flush against in your hair, drowning raw moans. His fingers sunk in the plush of your thigh, gripping you tightly as he pushed his hips sloppily against your ass.

Jeonghan captured your lips in a hard kiss, his thrusts faltering too as he came, breathing and moaning faintly in your mouth, his hand squeezing you. “God, princess,” he groaned, keeping his mouth close to yours, nudging the tip of his nose with yours.

The thrusts stopped languidly. Joshua lowered your leg with great care, his large hand sliding to your waist, brushing with Jeonghan's. They both breathed hard, but kept their bodies pressed to yours.

“You're shaking,” Joshua giggled lazily. “Are you okay, baby?” he asked, moving his hand to pull your hair sticking to your cheek.

“Yeah,” you hummed, turning to see him. “Amazing.”

The smile he gave you made your heart twist. “You did so well,” his eyes read your face, his hand cupping your chin. “You're so perfect for us.”

The feeling fluttering from your tummy shocked you so hard you were unable to say a word. You smiled at him, the features of your face controlled by tiredness, he read it easily.

“Rest up, bunny,” he mumbled, the corners of his lips rising ever so slightly. “I'm going to clean up. I have to go to work.”

“Okay,” you breathed, giving him a reassuring look.

He nodded at you, okay, he mouthed. A large hand cupped your hip, holding you in place so he could pull out of you with a gentle motion, but it made you shiver, nonetheless.

You watched him over your shoulder as he walked out of the bedroom and turned to Jeonghan. His eyes were following you, as it was part of his habit: to observe you.

“Are you okay?” you asked with caution.

“I'm fine, baby,” he pressed his lips in a tiny smile, his eyes turning to half moons. “I'm just looking at you.”

You fought not to smile in utter embarrassment. “What, why?” you blurted.

A sheepish smile curved his lips. “I think you're beautiful,” he said, and his tone faded in nervousness.

“Hannie,” you brought a hand to his shoulder, pushing him slightly in a playful way.

“What, I mean it!” he laughed, sliding his arm between the crook of your neck and the pillow, hugging your head. “Shut up,” he mumbled when you laughed with him.

“Ah, Jeonghan!” you yelped in protest when he pressed hard, punishing kisses on the crown of your head, but you broke in laughter, pushing him off. “Stop it!”

“Come back here,” he rasped, motioning you to cuddle up to him, opening his arms to you.

Your heart twisted inside your chest. However, you crossed the short space between you, putting your head on his shoulder and throwing a leg over his as he wrapped you in his arms.

There have been very few times that you had this kind of intimacy with Jeonghan. Since you began the agreement of being with both men at the same time, you had not found the chance to be this close to Jeonghan.

You welcomed it: his warmth, the smell on his skin, the little sounds he made. Some seconds passed, turning to minutes. He started to trace shapeless figures on your shoulder blade with the tips of his fingers.

“Are you falling asleep, princess?” he asked softly after a while.

“No,” you hummed, quite clearly telling a lie. The only sounds that filled your brain was Jeonghan's quiet breathing, and in the distance, the sounds Joshua would create as he got ready for work.

“Sleep, baby,” he suggested. “I can wake you up later.”

“I need to say goodbye to Josh,” you explained, your voice muffled by the crook of his neck, which you were nuzzling your face comfortably in.

“Okay,” he whispered, continuing to draw waves on your shoulder blade, making it harder for you to stay awake.

Some minutes later, you heard faint stirring noises around you, footsteps and someone say something. What woke you up was feeling the mattress dipping beside you.

“Bunny,” Joshua whispered. He was sitting on the bed beside you, a soft smile adorning his beautiful face. “I'll see you later, okay?”

You nodded. “Okay,” you hummed, turning from Jeonghan's warm embrace to face Joshua.

Joshua leaned down, grabbing your chin with his thumb and pointer finger. “Jeonghan's going to take care of you,” he muttered after pressing a loving kiss on your lips. “Be good, yeah?”

You loved whenever he talked sweetly at you, just like this. You nodded once again, showing him a waning smile. “Yeah,” you echoed, receiving another kiss. “Always.”

Joshua smirked ever so slightly. “I love you,” he said quietly, and part of you felt like he did not intend Jeonghan to be witness to the soft moment between you.

“I love you,” you replied just as meekly.

Joshua rose from the bed, turning to the door. “See you later, Jeonghannie,” he said, leaving the room.

“Later, Joshuji,” he replied, welcoming you back to his arms when you nuzzled him again.

And at that, you fell into a quick nap.

Then, you woke up before Jeonghan did you the favor of waking you up, you suspected at first but quickly found out that Jeonghan had fallen asleep with you. His soft snores, you realized, were the reason you were pulled out of your nap.

But despite that, you felt well rested. In the warmth of his arms, bundled up in the bedcovers, you could not find the purpose of getting out of bed.

However, you did not want to be late for the party. Knowingly, you lifted your head from Jeonghan's shoulder, snapping him awake easily.

“Morning,” you cooed with a smirk.

“Morning, baby,” he replied, bringing a hand to rub his eyes to then take a glance at his watch, he smiled. “We overslept.”

“You were supposed to wake me up,” you quipped.

“It's not my fault,” he giggled, cupping the back of your head with his hand to bring you back to his chest. “Your nap was highly contagious.”

“Oh, so it's my fault then.”

“Yes, everything is your fault,” he mumbled, his chest deflating beneath you.

“Don't fall asleep again,” you cautioned, but you could feel yourself slipping back into slumber.

“You first,” he replied, but then you felt him stifle a chuckle.

“Jeonghan,” you pressed.

“Give me a good reason.”

“We're going to be late for Joshua's party,” you replied with obviousness.

“We can be late for a couple of minutes,” he said, stirring on the bed sheets, pressing his arms around you, much as if he were getting ready for another long nap.

“Didn't you say you wanted to go to shop for something?”

“Mn yeah but I can wear somethin' else,” he muttered dismissively.

“Jeonghan,” you insisted. “Let's get dressed up.”

Jeonghan let out a giggle, the kind that would let you know whenever he was trying to tease you. “Alright, alright,” he clicked his tongue and sighed as he moved on the bed to get out of the bundles of covers.

You closed the car door with a small, laboured sigh.

“Mn, granny is tired already,” Jeonghan murmured with a low tone, his eyes set on the back-up camera of the car as he drove out of the parking spot with one hand.

“Shut up,” you bit back, enjoying the sound of his chuckle. “You’re older than me. And I am tired.”

 Jeonghan drew a breath through his teeth pensively. “I know baby, but the day is far from over,” he muttered in a serious tone now. A hand slid on your thigh, his fingers pressing softly over the fabric of your jeans. “Relax. Let me take care of you today, yeah?”

“Mn, yeah, I’m going to need lots of pampering from you,” you smiled at him, grabbing his hand from your thigh.

His eyes remained on the road ahead, but you felt his movements stilling slightly right before he laced his fingers with yours. “You got it, princess,” he smirked.

“I want milk tea,” you giggled. “And a Danish pastry. Or two,” you held your two fingers in front of you.

Jeonghan looked at you through the corner of his eye and coughed up a laugh. “You call that pampering?” he teased. “That is like a normal Friday for you.”

“Well yeah, it’s a treat for me,” you explained, shrugging slightly.

“Okay, yes, a treat, not pampering,” he emphasized, glancing at you repeatedly.

“I indulge in other things too,” you pouted cutely at him. “I like shopping for books every now and then, music…”

“I know that but,” he rolled his eyes, going straight to the point: “What do you like to do for yourself? Not to serve others, to serve only you.”

You arched an eyebrow, opening your mouth to speak.

“You can’t mention sex,” he said, realizing what you were about to say right away.

“Hey,” you frowned, and he laughed in victory. “I don’t know. Well… I find work therapeutic sometimes.”

“But that's what it is, work,” he muttered, the car came to a stop. He used this as an opportunity to bring your laced hands to nib at your knuckles with his lips. “Have you been taking breaks?”

Your heart warmed at the question.

Jeonghan and you had taken some distance after the first threesome happened. After you realized that you withheld feelings for him very deep in your heart, you could no longer continue with your friendship with him.

So, for nearly a month, you went low contact, holding out for him to look for you to talk again and to be friends again. Though it was futile, since you knew how he felt about you, and you could not ignore how you felt about him.

You missed him. And it had been so long since you spoke with him like this, it felt good.

“Umn,” you paused, pretending to gather your answer.

“So, no breaks,” he shook his head lightly.

“Listen, the deadline for the second book draft is closer and closer and I am nowhere near done like I was for the first,” you tried to make up an excuse. But an exasperated sigh won over you. “I just want to get it done as soon as possible, but lately no words come out.”

“All the more reason for you to take a break,” he said, his lips still close to the back of your hand.

“You know I only take breaks whenever I finish a draft,” you countered.

He rolled his eyes. “But that draft will never come to be if you keep overworking yourself,” he chastised, now completely serious.

“Alright, I’ll take a break, then,” you conceded, but it was obvious for the both of you that you were not being completely truthful. You nodded to the road ahead. “Green light. Drive, old man.”

Jeonghan clicked his tongue. “Say goodbye to your pampering,” he muttered in a low tone.

You smiled, pleased. “I will take a break, soon,” you promised, now taking your laced hands to place a small peck on the back of his.

That did the trick, his gaze instantly softened. “Good.”

He turned the car off, clicking his belt off just as you were undoing yours. When you came out of the car, he was already going around it to walk up to you, taking your hand when you thoughtlessly reached out to hold his and walk together towards the mall.

Jeonghan paused for the fraction of a second, looking at your linked hands without skipping a step. “Hmph.”

“What?” you inquired, but he just raised his gaze and fixed the beanie on his head with his free hand.

“Nothing,” he mumbled, turning his head to look in your eyes. “Help me choose a shirt?”

You nodded eagerly. “Do you have something in mind?”

“Just something that looks cool,” he shrugged.

“Oh, we can match outfits,” you suggested, looking at his sweet brown eyes. “Or at least match in color of outfits.”

The shadow of a smile appeared on his face, keeping his eyes on you as you walked together on the vast mall. “Whatever you want, baby, just say it,” he replied with a tone of endearment. 

“Nice,” you whispered, and he showed you a satisfied grin. “But first, you’re getting me that milk tea.”

His head tipped back, as a chuckle came out of his mouth. “Okay, princess. Let’s get you your tea.”

Jeonghan sighed impatiently, his eyes rolling back on his head. His hand, which was holding a hanger with a shirt changed sides, now showing you the other shirt, you selected.

“Mmn,” you hummed pensively, taking the straw into your mouth, sipping milk tea earnestly.

“They’re identical,” he whined, changing his hand once again.

“Trust me they’re not,” you retorted, pointing at the one on his right side. “This one is silky and shows your waist on the sides because it’s meshy,” you informed him, then switch to his left. “This one is denim and doesn’t accentuate your figure.”

“They’re both black,” he punctuated, sending you an annoyed look.

“That’s the only thing they have in common,” you countered, ignoring the cold look he was trying to give you. “Can you try them on?”

“Only if you come with me,” he muttered with a cheeky grin.

“Jeonghan, you know I can’t do that,” you said and as the words flew out of your mouth, you understood that he was not being completely serious.

“You could, but you don’t want to,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes. “Try this one first,” you pointed to the silk shirt.

“Fine,” he muttered.

You waited outside of the changing room, sipping milk tea to completion until Jeonghan came out, his hair ruffled by the changing of clothes, a reason why he took his black beanie off. But he shyly lifted his arms, showing you the shirt on his body. You could get a glimpse of his skin on the sides of his torso through the mesh material.

“Get that one,” you said upon laying eyes on him.

“But you haven’t seen the other one,” he said, looking a little perplexed.

“I think this one is definitive,” you explained. “You never wear things like this. You’re always wearing baggy clothes lately. Not that I’m complaining, but this shirt is different. Looks good on you.”

Jeonghan pouted. “I like baggy clothes,” he mumbled. “They’re comfy.”

Your guts twisted with so much endearment that you were sure that it showed on your face. “I know, Jeongjeong,” you muttered, a cute giggle coming out of you.

Jeonghan looked down, pinching at the fabric on the neck of the shirt. “I like this one,” he said softly. “It’s shiny.”

“Mn, I don’t have anything to match it with,” you realized. “Maybe I could pick something too.”

“Please. I’d like to get out of here,” he sighed, unbuttoning the shirt with fast fingers. “And I much rather watch you try on things for me.”

Jeonghan stayed close to you as you browsed the long hallway of tall racks of clothes that displayed nice dresses, tops, and everything you would never wear on a regular basis. You had your fair share of party clothes. But what your fingers were sorting through would be a new look on you.

“I like that one,” he muttered, leaning his head to one side as you hovered a dress over your body, stretching the material over your frame to imagine what it would look like on you.

“I do too,” you hummed aloofly, looking at the tiny black silk dress. “Don’t you think it’s too showy?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” he shrugged and sent you a dark look. “Or are you worried about what your boyfriend might think of it?”  

Your tummy fluttered at the way his voice sounded, it was dark and raspy. He stood over you, thankfully flanked by the racks of clothes so you were both out of sight. “Maybe,” you replied, trying to sound unaffected. “Though he won’t be paying much attention to me tonight. You know he doesn’t want the media to notice me as his girlfriend.”

Jeonghan frowned slightly in question. “Are you okay with that?” he asked, his head was still leaning over one side, his eyes reading your face expertly.

“I’m think I’m okay with keeping our relationship private,” you sighed, putting the pretty dress back on the rack. “I don’t want Josh to be even more stressed about the media’s snooping on his life.”

“Mmn,” he hummed, nodding his head once. He looked at the dress, hanging abandoned on the rack. “Try it on.”

“No,” you replied shortly, turning to continue strolling down the hall.

You heard an annoyed sigh coming from the man, so you turned to look at him, reaching for the dress to hand it to you.

“Try it on,” he repeated, but this time firmly.

You rolled your eyes with equal annoyance. “Jeonghan, the dress is pretty, but it’s too expensive,” you sighed.

“I want to see how it looks on you.”

You raised your eyes to his face, preparing a rebellious retort but were cut off abruptly by the lady tending the store: “Can I help you, miss?”

You tore your eyes from his and looked at the woman, who gave you a polite smile. “Yeah, I would like to try this on,” you replied, returning the polite smile. You turned to the rack next to you and grabbed two more dresses. “And these too.”

Jeonghan grinned but making sure that you were the only witness to his small victory.

You followed the retail lady to the changing room, feeling Jeonghan looming on your back, you could almost feel his eyes on your frame as you made it to the hall of changing rooms, separated by walls and doors.

“You can wait here, sir,” the lady informed Jeonghan.

He stopped, but you could see the cunning in his eyes clearly, though it was something you thought only you could notice, since the lady just resumed with her work.

As you took a step towards one door, you felt the man move behind you. “Jeonghan,” you started.

“Fine,” he huffed, and leaned back against the wall of the hall, deciding to wait outside the door of the changing room you slipped in.

You giggled at his face when you closed the door. “You’re such a baby,” you said, taking the advantage that he could not take any retaliation at your teasing.

He did not respond verbally, but you could listen to his tongue clicking.

You quickly changed into one dress, purposefully choosing a different one and not the dress he wanted to see you try on. You opened the door, enjoying the way his face lit up when he saw you in the skintight leather dress.

“D’you like it?” you sighed, trying to hide that changing clothes that quickly made you ran out of breath. You slid your hands over your tummy, smoothing the faux leather over your skin.

“No, I don’t,” he replied, quickly telling on your intentions. But his eyes could not lie to you: they were glued to your body, shaped by the pretty dress. It accentuated every curve, though it was hard to move in it.

“Mmn, that’s too bad,” you purred, turning so that he could look at your exposed back, and your ass. “I reeeeally like this one.”

“Tsk,” he closed his eyes slowly, letting his smile show. “Try on the other one, the one that you actually liked.”

You smiled but turned around, closing the door behind you, and stripped off the black dress. The bite of the chilly air made your nipples harden, and you sucked in a breath through your teeth and hurried to put the other dress on.

Jeonghan raised his gaze from the screen of his phone to see you, his facial features changing in a second. He pocketed his phone, now focusing on you fully.

You leaned a shoulder against the doorframe, enjoying his gaze on you. “What do you think?” you asked in a sugared tone. Looking down, you smoothed the silk on you, bringing the tips of your fingers to your chest. “I should probably get boob tape if I get this one.”

“Bo-boob tape?” he asked, raising his eyes to see your face.

“Yeah, to cover up,” you smiled cheekily, swirling the tips of your fingers around your pebbled nipples. “I don’t want to be flashing everyone on Josh’s party.”

You expected the man to laugh, or to smile. But no, his gaze remained trained on you, on your fingers tracing circles around your nipples. He gulped hard and cleared his throat.

“What, you don’t like it?” you asked innocently, twirling on your feet so he could see how the skirt of the dress sat on your ass.

Jeonghan had gone deadly silent, and you did not like that. It meant that his brain was occupied scheming a plan, you stopped showing him the dress, and saw that his gaze had darkened.

“Maybe I should just try the other one on,” you said, adding a gasp to appear resigned. “And if you don’t like it, then maybe I should just wear one of my old dresses,” you pouted, very evidently knowing that your attitude would press his buttons.

“Yeah, you do that,” he muttered, but he was not playing your game, no.

And that was worrying.

“Maybe you could come in, and watch me?” you muttered, knowing that he would be able to hear you despite the music playing on the speakers of the store.

Jeonghan shook his head no but sent his dark eyes to survey at the surroundings. “Get inside,” he nodded at you sharply.

You took it as, stop playing with me. So you just went back inside, with a rejected look on your face that he definitely got to see right before you closed the door and started removing the pretty dress off your body.

Suddenly, you heard a soft click and through the mirror, Jeonghan was entering the changing room, closing the door with one hand beside him.

“Jeong–,” you started, but he brought a finger to his lips, motioning you to be quiet.

You had instinctively brought the shirt closer to your chest, covering your naked breasts. Warmth crept onto your cheeks, realizing that he could see the back of your body through the reflection on the mirror.

“Be quiet,” he cautioned, grabbing the dress from your hands and tossed it on the stool. A hand came to cup your jaw, commanding your eyes to his. “You're going to do as I say.”

Your heart had started beating rapidly in your chest, you could feel your own pulse in your neck. But you nodded, intrigued as to how far he would go.

“I didn't think you'd come,” you breathed, taking a step back as he approached you, pinning you to the wall.

“That's because you're used to your boyfriend,” the ghost of a smirk appeared on his face. “He's all bark, no bite.”

Your breath hitched, forcing yourself to close your mouth. Jeonghan enjoyed your reaction, that much you could see from the way his eyes, darkened by lust, outlined your face. He stopped cupping your jaw, his hand delicately traveling down, a finger tracing an invisible line on one of your breasts, finding your nipple to pinch it with his pointer finger and thumb.

You looked from his fingers teasing your nipple to his face. Jeonghan trapped his lower lip with his teeth, catching your gaze on him, the corners of his lips curved in a smile.

“You like teasing me,” he whispered, his hand continued traveling down, tracing a line on the center of your tummy. “I guess I should return the gesture.”

“Hannie,” you squirmed when his fingertip stopped at the band of your panties, you pressed your back against the wall.

“What?” he muttered, his voice raising to a lower one.

You sent him an alarmed look, but his face remained impassive, his dark eyes on you.

“Shh,” he pressed his body against yours, effectively pinning you tightly against the wall. He leaned his forehead against yours, nose nudging against yours, wordlessly telling you to raise your head for him to find your lips.

His lips grazed yours, inviting at first, but pulling back when you tried to inch closer to his mouth. He showed you a grin, and you could almost hear him say, “Eager, are we?”

His finger slipped beneath the band of your panties, his eyes widening with awe when he found out how wet you got just by teasing him. His lips pressed a soft kiss on the corner of your mouth when you squirmed against him, trying to get his fingers on you to satisfy the need you felt for him.

“Please,” you hissed.

“There are your manners,” he whispered, you felt him smiling in your mouth, his finger dipped inside your core, pumping in and out slowly.

But the feeling of being exposed, hearing the movement and commotion outside the changing room made your body come alive with excitement and arousal.

You sent him a pleading look, breathing out a tiny moan when he introduced another finger inside you. Your hand snapped to palm the tent in his pants, trying to get his zipper down.

The following movements happened fast. He pulled his fingers out of you, grabbing your panties and pulling them aside. You instinctively pushed your hips forward to him, angling yourself as you pulled his hardened cock out of his pants.

You noticed his other hand fishing out something from his pocket, pulling out his phone, opening his camera and pressing the record button.

“Hold this,” he whispered, handing the phone to you. His hand grabbed your leg to wrap it around his hip, just as you guided his cock to your throbbing pussy, letting him sheathe himself in one go.

You let out an airy moan, Jeonghan's free hand clamping your mouth shut as he started thrusting tortuously slow, making you feel every inch of his pretty cock inside you, stuffing you full.

You saw yourself through the video feed of the phone, you were nearly naked, a fucked-out look in your eyes as Jeonghan dipped his head to kiss your neck. Your eyes widened as he started sucking a lovebite on the curve of your neck, making your skin tingle when he detached his lips, breathing on the marked area.

“Fuck,” you heard him breathe.

The noises outside, though unrelenting, made your pulse quicken, anxious butterflies swarming inside your tummy. A world happening outside while you were in a changing room, being fucked against a wall by your lover.

You sent him a warning look, the squelching noises of your pussy becoming increasingly prominent.

“I know,” he nodded, smirking at you. “You're being so good, princess,” he breathed. “Such a good girl for me.”

His hand slid down from your mouth, but found the curve of your neck, pressing his forehead against yours. You closed your eyes, letting the world be drowned out by the sweet sound of his breathing.

“Fuck princess,” he whispered on your mouth. “You drive me crazy,” he said, his thrusts becoming more demanding, pushing against you rapidly.

“Hannie,” you said, beginning to shake, but you kept the phone up, camera angled to your bodies. “Come inside me,” you whispered. “Please?”

“Not yet,” he whispered, a taunting smile playing on his lips. “You're gonna come first.”

“I can't,” you refused, shaking your head lightly.

Jeonghan locked eyes with you, before scanning your face, your blazing hot cheeks, your lips glossy with his spit. “Yes, you can,” he countered, spotting your lie effortlessly.

“I don't wanna get caught,” you said, but aimlessly, since the squelching noises resounding inside the small changing room became even more louder to your ears.

“Where's the fun in that,” he retorted, a smirk showing on his beautiful lips.

“Hannie,” you tried to chastise him.

“Princess,” his smile widened, shooting a wave of arousal through you. He fucks you with a smile on his face. You stifled a moan, but the throbbing in your walls was impossible to control.

His thrusts slowed down, you saw his Adam's apple bob and his eyelids fluttered close. You knew instantly, it was taking him everything in him to not give in to his full impulse to just fuck you to his heart's content.

You saw your retaliation.

Your hand stopped clutching at the shoulder of his jacket, sliding it down his abdomen, reaching the area where your bodies connected. His eyes shot open in realization when your fingers began toying with your clit.

“Baby,” he whispered, though his voice sounded shaky, making his warning wane.

Your mouth parted, letting out a silent gasp. You saw his eyes following the movements of your fingers briefly, the way you worked on yourself to get to your orgasm faster. He raised his head, getting a glimpse of your facial features going slack in sweet pleasure. Your eyebrows knitted, and his did too, mimicking you automatically.

His thrust changed speed, becoming more demanding as your walls clenched around him. “Fuck,” he gritted.

Laughter boomed around you from a group of girls chattering inside the store. Jeonghan's grip on your thigh tightened harshly. You saw fascination cross the features of his face, he clearly enjoyed this: being exposed, having you at his mercy in a public space.

And to be honest, you understood why.

It was exciting.

It was easy to let yourself be swept away by the pleasure overtaking the features of his face. That just made it easier to sink into the waves of pleasure coursing inside your body, making your pussy wet. The sounds it made every time Jeonghan pushed his pretty cock in and out of your throbbing walls.

The tension inside you snapped. You threw your head back, succumbing to the sweet pleasure rippling through you. You sunk your teeth on your lower lip, commanding yourself to keep the phone up. You angled the camera so that it clearly captured you and Jeonghan, the way he pushed your body against the wall with this thrusts.

He kept his eyes trained on you all the time, as if he did not want to lose a second of you coming silently, shaking between him and the wall he was fucking you into. But his eyes went lazy, his breath ragged, his body weakened against you and that is how you knew he was coming with you.

Shaking, he drowned his grunts by crushing his mouth on yours, pushing his hips against you sloppily, emptying himself inside your walls to the last drop.

You stopped recording, slipping his phone back inside the pocket of his black jacket.

He dropped his forehead against yours. “You play dirty,” he rasped, still breathing raggedly.

“You almost had me in the beginning,” you muttered with a cheeky smile.

“Fuck you,” he chuckled airily.

You chuckled too, a retort sitting on the tip of your tongue.

A loud and repeated knock came to the door, startling you and Jeonghan with a jolt from you both. “Is everything alright, do you need help, miss?” the voice from the lady came from the other side, sounding completely unbeknownst to the situation inside the changing room.

“Oh, shit, you scared me,” you replied, bringing your best acting voice you could muster, though the reality of the situation helped. “Maybe I'll try the dress in red too, please?”

Jeonghan smiled deviously, shaking his head ever so slightly but did not make a sound.

“Coming up,” the reply came, and you were so still that you heard her walk away.

“You, miss, are learning fast at coming up with lies,” Jeonghan observed, pulling away from you, though begrudgingly. He tucked himself swiftly, watching your fingers fix your panties back in place.

“I have the best instructor,” you quipped, showing him a grin through your tiredness.

A weird look shot across his face; his heavy-lidded eyes scanned you. “Mn,” he hummed briefly.

“Here it is, miss,” the lady handed the dress in red over the door.

“Thank you,” you said as Jeonghan grabbed the dress from the lady's hand and passed it to you.

“No problem!” she said, still ignorant to the man standing at the other side of the door.

Jeonghan saw his opportunity, creaking the door open. “Gotta run,” he muttered.

But he was surprised when you quickly grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him to your lips with a quick kiss. “I'll be there. Go,” you whispered.

He returned the feathery kiss, though in his eyes you saw something you could not quite place. “Hurry up,” he whispered. “I'll buy you anything you want, let's just get the fuck out of here.”

And with that, Jeonghan slipped out of the changing room, leaving you with a deep desire for something that sex would not satiate. But you still weren't sure exactly what that desire was. Or rather, how you wanted to satiate it.

“Well?”

His sweet brown eyes looked at your face. He nodded. “You look beautiful.”

You laughed. “The dress, Hannie. How does it look?”

You stood in the living room, a pair of high heels hanging on your fingers. Jeonghan effectively, bought everything that you so much showed an interest in at the stores you visited with him. So now you had a new pair of shoes, a new handbag, and a new dress.

“Spectacular,” he smiled softly, rising from the couch, and stood before you.

Jeonghan looked good in everything he wore. But he looked ridiculously good whenever he was dressed in all black. From head to toe, his boots, the tight denim jeans, the shirt you picked, and the jacket he wore were all black. And on top of that, he had lost the beanie, so his lush black hair was partly humid from the recent shower.

“You look good,” you said, finding yourself hoarse for some reason.

“You think so, princess?” he smirked softly, placing a finger beneath your chin, the pad of his thumb brushing your lower lip ever so slightly.

“Yeah,” you whispered, closing your eyes when his lips pressed a kiss on your upper, to then capture the lower and kiss you deeply.

A hand slipped on your lower back, bringing you closer to his frame. You gasped in his mouth, and he responded with a groan when you pressed your chest to his.

“Let’s get out of here before I lose my fucking mind,” Jeonghan muttered, letting out an airy chuckle. “C’mon.”

You and Jeonghan arrived at a club, one that you had never been before, granted. But Jeonghan did, apparently, taking your hand and lacing his fingers with yours as he led you through a crowd of people, all the way to the front door, where he exchanged a couple of words with the bouncer, who let him and you in right after.

The club was what you had expected. Dark, hot, packed with people and loud. But instead of just going right in, Jeonghan kept walking, crossing the place and to a more secluded area. There, a pair of dark elevator doors stood, and he pushed the button with his lithe fingers.

He shot you a brief look, and you knew that there was something heavy in his mind. You nodded your chin at him, prompting him but he just shook his head no, pulling you to the elevator when the doors parted.

But he seemed to be getting ready for something, he sent his gaze to the ceiling, sucking in a breath through his teeth.

“Are you really sure you’re okay with Joshua keeping your relationship a secret?” he finally asked when you were both standing in front of the doors, the reflection showing him beside you.

He looked dark. And strangely alluring.

“Yeah,” you nodded, turning your head to look at him. You had gained some inches, thanks to your high heels.

But the man still towered over you. “Okay,” he whispered, content with the certainty he saw in you. “Though tonight, I don’t think we will be surrounded by a lot of press people. That was mostly in his conference from earlier.”

You paid attention to him. “Still, I don’t think I can… go to him as his girlfriend, you know?” you cocked your head to one side. “There will be a lot of people, from what I gather.”

Jeonghan shrugged lightly. “You could,” he countered with ease. “Once everyone is on alcohol and other substances, no one will care. And even if they noticed, they would most like take it as him kissing his best friend’s girl.”

You were not sure if you were completely okay with how he phrased it. And it was not his words that upset you entirely, it was also that he was playing a part in all of this.

“You don’t like this, do you?” you realized.

“I don’t like that he’s using me to keep you in the dark.”

Your instinct was to say no. Joshua would not do that to his best friend. But you bit your tongue, instantly deflated by the thought of Joshua agreeing to the polyamorous relationship to keep you happy. And a secret from the media and his fans.

“Well, then maybe we have to trust him, like you said,” you finalized.

Jeonghan stilled. “Yeah, you’re right,” he muttered.

“Let’s enjoy tonight?” you offered sweetly, turning so that you were facing him. “Let’s be there for Josh.”

His gaze softened, convinced by your request. “Okay,” he said, using the proximity between you to plant a kiss on your forehead.

The doors of the elevator parted, loud, revealing a place just as packed, rock music poured into your ears. But evidently this part of the club was private. It even looked poshed, compared to the dark interior from before. This one was colorful, though lit in red neon lights on the walls, and blue beams shooting across the space.

Jeonghan tugged your hand, pulling you even closer to his body as you both entered the place, and dived into the crowd. You noticed that he had an intent of crossing through the small sea of people and knew where Joshua would be found.

The first thing you noticed about your boyfriend upon laying eyes on him was that he had changed his hair. It was still brown, but not the golden brown that shines almost to a blond tone when he stands under the sunlight. This was a chocolate brown, the shade so dark it could pass as black in the dark interior of the club.

Like Jeonghan, he was dressed in concert black. Black suit, black tie. The only things that were not as dark were the chains adorning the flaps of his jacket. You knew it was not his decision to wear this, nor the way his hair was styled so that there was a single strand of hair hanging on his forehead, the rest pushed back.

Another thing of note was the hazy look in his eyes.

He was drunk. Surrounded by people and by the looks of it, he was having enjoying himself. He was talking to some people, none of whom you recognized.

Your grip on Jeonghan’s hand tightened. This was the first time that you saw him at his job since his band’s skyrocketing towards nation-wide fame. From meeting him as the lead singer of a local band, to now being one of the most popular singers in the rock music scene.

And without question, Joshua fit into what a rockstar would look and act like.

You watched as he stood back, side hugging the person he was talking to and someone raised a camera and snapped a series of photographs, the bright flashes illuminating his gorgeous face. The way he posed, looking directly at the camera with a neutral expression on his face, only added to the dark mood with which he was holding himself.

But that was swiftly changed when his beautiful eyes fell on you. His mouth parted slightly, and his eyes changed from what neutrality he was commanding himself with, a glimmer appeared in them.

Jeonghan returned the tight squeeze in your hand, as if telling you to get ready.

You saw Joshua tearing his eyes from you to face his best friend, to whom he greeted with a warm hug, using it too as an opportunity to look over his shoulder to look at your face again.

Your mind reeled over and over again as to how you were going to play this. But you just pressed your lips together in a tight smile, waving at him eagerly with your free hand.

You saw it on his face that he was not content with your short and distant greeting, so he made a move towards you, but was quickly blocked by someone coming up to him to ask for a photograph. Joshua stopped abruptly, removing his eyes from you, and accepted to take the photo, though reluctantly.

“Do you want a drink?” Jeonghan asked, leaning towards you to speak in your ear.

You nodded, being pulled away from the crowd surrounding Midnight Haze. As you left to go to the bar with Jeonghan, you could feel your boyfriend’s eyes on the back of your head.

“Can’t get drunk tonight,” you said, or practically shouted over the loud music to Jeonghan.

“Live a little, princess,” Jeonghan shouted back, pointing at a bottle of tequila sitting at top of the shelves of expensive bottles and signaled a two towards the bartender. “Besides, I wouldn’t blame you if you get drunk, you need to let loose.”

You looked over your shoulder, effortlessly spotting your boyfriend in the middle of the crowd, still chatting up to the people who came to him asking for autographs and photos. He swiftly sent a glance over to the bar, as if he had felt your eyes on him too.

“Yeah, got a point,” you said to Jeonghan, turning over to him and raised your shot glass at the same time he did.

“I’ll take care of you,” he said, making you giggle.

“Oh no, that’s scary,” you recalled the drunken nights with Jeonghan, when he was still someone you considered just a friend.

“Ah, come on, trust me,” he clinked your glass with his own, motioning over to you to link arms with him, and you did, pouring the shot of tequila down your throat at the same time as him.

He made a ridiculous face, and you laughed at him harder. “Cute,” you pointed. “You can’t drink tequila, and it shows.”

“Oh, it’s on,” he arched one eyebrow, turning to the bartender and ordered two more shots.

“This is how you get wasted,” but you raised the shot glass at him anyway, linking arms again to drink with him.

“I know,” he chuckled, wiping a drop of tequila from the corner of his mouth with the pad of his thumb. “But, since you’re the expert in tequila, I want to test you.”

“Shut up,” you said, pushing his shoulder playfully.

Jeonghan leaned over the counter, asking for something that you could not hear. He would soon get two slices of lime served in a nice ramekin. And two more shots.

“Wait,” you exclaimed, but he had a devious grin on his face.

“Nuh-uh, princess. Drink,” he challenged.

You rolled your eyes, but quickly took on his challenge. You did not wait for him this time, downing the shot of tequila straight away, setting the glass on the counter. “Your turn,” you said pointedly.

Jeonghan looked at you with a glint in his eye, a smile creeping on his face slowly when you placed the slice of lime between your teeth, waiting for him. He took the shot glass to his mouth, tipping his head back and you saw his throat bobbing as he swallowed. Setting the glass aside, he brought a hand to cup your cheek, leaning towards you to capture the slice of lime from your mouth.

His lips brushed yours, making your body come alight, he sucked on the lime once, discarding it to dive in for a kiss, and that he did slowly at first, delicately. You tasted the lime in his lips. You felt drunk already, but you knew that the intoxication was not from the alcohol alone.

You felt a new wave of arousal rushing inside your body, you held his face with your hands, letting him kiss you deeper, more demanding.

“Stop,” you brought a hand to his chest, feeling his breath fanning over your face.

He leaned his forehead on yours. “Sorry,” he exhaled softly. “I got carried away.”

“Me too,” you confessed with a small giggle. “Let’s stop drinking before we get reckless.”

Jeonghan laughed at that, the sound sending a powerful shiver down your spine. “Oh, baby, I think it’s too late for that,” he said, a pleased look on his face. “Come on. This thing is starting soon.”

“Oh, what is?” you asked dumbly. Following him back to where you saw Joshua.

The music suddenly came to a stop, the sound of a microphone being plugged in boomed through the speakers. Making you look across the room to find Midnight Haze standing on a small stage, the microphone was passed to Jihoon, who looked at it for a second and passed it to Joshua.

Midnight Haze’s lead singer took the microphone and brought it to his face, camera flashes lit up his face, making him blink repeatedly. “Hello, ladies and gentlemen, we’re Midnight Haze and we’re here to present our first studio album,” he explained expertly, a grin appearing on his face as he enunciated the following words: “And here to explain more about the album, we have Lee Jihoon, the drummer, producer, and leader of this band,” he returned the microphone to Jihoon, who smiled with a mixture of shyness and awkwardness.

Jihoon started to give out a speech that consisted of him just explaining where you could stream the album and when, followed by a short word of gratitude. When he finished, he passed the microphone back to Joshua, who just gave it up to Vernon.

Laughter resounded around the room from all the party attendants.

“Thank you for coming,” he said briefly and returned the microphone to Joshua.

“Thank you,” he concluded.

And Midnight Haze started sounding on the speakers. You recognized the song from the first second because of how often you heard Joshua rehearsing it on his guitar or singing it aloofly all over the apartment. The song was catchy, the guitar riff alluring, aptly named Euphoria, the lyrics were enticing, and about you.

You felt Jeonghan’s fingers slipping on your wrist before he laced his hand with yours, taking you with him through the sea of people. You felt eager to see Joshua again, to be able to have a moment with him.

But you knew that you would have to wait for some time before that happened. Joshua was still busy talking to fans, and friends, and all the people who would come up to him and strike small conversation. Some would ask for photographs, others for autographs, most people both.

It felt nice to see him accomplish one of his dreams, though you could not deny that it felt slightly heart crushing to be watching from the distance.

So, you had to look for an opportunity. You turned to Jeonghan. “Cover me?” you asked him. He frowned at first, but leaned over so you could explain further. “I want to talk with Josh.”

Jeonghan nodded, wasting no time he just grabbed your hand catching Joshua’s gaze as he pulled you away from the crowd, leading you down a corridor that ended in an emergency exit. That apparently did the trick, since Jeonghan and Joshua had somehow formed a wordless language between them.

Because your boyfriend had followed you. A minute after you had slipped down the lonely and dimly lit corridor, Joshua appeared, nodding at his best friend in something akin to gratitude.

“Be quick,” Jeonghan warned. “And don’t be sloppy,” he added, sending you a meaningful look before walking away.

But Joshua did not reply, instead, he was instantly wrapping you in a hug as though he had missed you. He lifted you from the floor in his strong arms for a second, returning you so that he could cup your face in his hands.

“You look beautiful,” was the first thing he said to you, right before capturing your lips in a hurried kiss. You tasted whisky in his mouth, when his tongue outlined your lower lip and touched yours.

“Thank you, baby,” you replied, sensing the alcohol start to numb your senses.

“Let me see you,” he requested, stepping back so that he could see the pretty dress Jeonghan bought for you. But his eyes swivelled back up to see your face, but inevitably spotting the red mark sitting on the crook of your neck.

Your stomach dropped, and you brought a hand to brush your hair, covering the spot that Jeonghan marked.

But your boyfriend was quicker, he sent a look at his sides and back before carrying out his plan.

He pushed your back against the wall, the shadow of a smile appearing on his face when a soft gasp left your mouth. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” he muttered darkly in your ear, his voice sounded hoarse.

You pushed your body away from the cold wall, your front brushing with his. You were squirming, trying to get him to back away and let you calm your nerves.

But no, his eyes read the features of your face. “You like this,” he realized, the corners of his lips rising slightly. “Oh, you cruel thing. Do you like to get me jealous?”

You nodded with your head, smiling at him when you could not take the heaviness of his darkened gaze on you.

“Is it fun to kiss Hannie while knowing I’ll be watching, baby?” he purred, moving his mouth to press a soft kiss below your earlobe. “Do you like to know it turns me on?”

“Joshua,” you mewled out when his lips reached a particular sensitive spot on your neck, where Jeonghan had left a noticeably big hickey. Then it dawned on you.

“Answer me,” he muttered, his large hands gripping your waist tighter.

Granted, you did have a recollection of Joshua saying he liked seeing you with Jeonghan. You also remembered the times you saw him pleasure himself to the view of you being fucked by Jeonghan. But to hear him say it, flat out, made a hot wave of arousal course through you.

You nodded, closing your eyes, and letting out an embarrassingly loud moan when his mouth placed an open kiss on the sensitive spot, making you squirm a little more.

“Fuck, baby,” he sighed. “You sound so sweet,” he mumbled languidly, and you could tell just from the sound of his voice, sweet and moany, he was aroused too.

“Joshua,” you called, and he moved his face to capture your lips with his own, swallowing your moans when he rolled his tongue inside your mouth. “We need to stop,” you said, pulling your head back.

“Right,” he frowned. “Shit, you’re right,” he realized, as if he had forgotten for a split second that you were not completely alone.

He peeled his body off yours, straightening his jacket and fixing his hair. That made him look to one side, his features hardening at once.

A tall man, of dark hair and similar attire to your boyfriend’s was walking from the fire exit to you and Joshua. He did not seem impressed with your very public display of affection since he very evidently did not know you.

“Hey man,” Joshua greeted amicably. “Enjoying the party?”

“Yeah, though not as much as you,” he replied with a slurry tone, his lazy eyes swiftly looking at you and then back at your boyfriend. “The album is a hit, dude, a number one.”

Joshua smiled, letting his guard down for a second. “Thanks, Tae,” he said, nodding when the man patted his back, continuing to walk back to where the party was.

“We should get back,” you told him.

“Yeah,” he agreed, but he leaned over to get a swift, featherlight kiss from you. “I want to get out of here already.”

You giggled. “Just a couple of hours then we can leave,” you told him.

“One hour,” he said, glancing at his watch. “And we get out of here, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you replied and begun heading back to Jeonghan, but not before Joshua slapped your ass.

You yelped, sending him a look. Joshua masked his grin by biting his lower lip but could not resist when you just rolled your eyes at him and smiled broader at you.

You quickly found Jeonghan, whose eyes quickly read your face, your entire demeanor and smiled.

“I suppose it went well?” he teased, leaning over to press a kiss on the side of your head as he slid a hand on the small of your back.

“Shut up,” you muttered, but he obviously did not hear you.

“Baby, I’d like you to meet, Taehyung,” he said, showing you to the person he was clearly having a conversation with moments before you arrived, though you were too distracted to notice.

Taehyung had a question written all over his face, but he still nodded at you. “Nice to meet you,” he smiled charmingly at you.

You sent Jeonghan a look before returning the polite nod. “Nice to meet you too,” you said.

The man cocked his head, the confusion in his face clearer now, the lines between his eyebrows showing when he frowned.

“Taehyung is the singer of Green Nocturne,” Jeonghan interjected, noting that the exchange between you and the man was growing more awkward by the second.

Whatever Jeonghan might have seen in your face, it told him everything he needed to know. So his distraction worked, your mouth fell open in both surprise and embarrassment.

“Oh, really?!” you squealed, blaming the alcohol for sounding so high-pitched. “Oh my god! This is so cool. Forgive me, but I am the biggest fan of your music,” you giggled uncontrollably.

Taehyung dropped the confusion from his face at once upon hearing your drunken giggles. “Thank you,” he replied, almost as shy as you were now.

“Let me tell you, I was one of the many people that never believed you were a one-man band,” you blurted, feeling hot on the cheeks, and forgetting the awkward exchange completely. “But I think that it’s so cool that you do nearly everything…”

You were swiftly submerged in conversation with Taehyung, who also seemed to be wrapped in your crazy stammering and excited descriptions of how much you loved his music. So you never realized when Jeonghan slipped from the conversation, and away from you and your new friend.

Jeonghan tried to turn the lighter on, spinning the wheel once, twice, until he got to the third and the flame came up. He brought it close to the end of the cigarette, hearing the paper burn, igniting the end with a long draw.

The cold air brushed his cheeks, cooling his lips as he exhaled the smoke, his eyes lost on the vast city below him. He leaned forward, leaning his elbows on the banister of the balcony, ignoring the loud music inside the party.

He took another drag from the cigarette he stole, it seemed funny to him that he still had some of the gimmicks when he used to smoke tobacco. He narrowed his eyes, one closed more than the other, parting his lips slightly to let the ghost of the smoke slip, to then draw it back in, an exhale it through his nose.

“I thought you had quit smoking that.”

Jeonghan clicked his tongue. “Can't get a moment by myself,” he tutted, not needing to turn to know who was behind him on the balcony, closing the sliding door to the party.

“In fairness, I came here to have a moment alone,” Joshua admitted, leaning so that he matched Jeonghan's position to perfection, all to the exception of the cigarette resting in between Jeonghan's lithe fingers.

“Why?” Jeonghan asked in a low, raspy tone, which he corrected with a cough.

Joshua shrugged beside him, licking his lips and drew in a breath through his teeth. “I used to think that I was just tired of touring, but now I realize that I'm overwhelmed,” he shook his head slightly.

“I thought you wanted this,” Jeonghan commented, frowning to his best friend.

By this, he referred to touring. Making music, the fame, the acclamation, the money.

He shook his head once again, but now firmly. “It's consuming,” he whispered, raising his gaze skyward.

“Welcome to the life,” Jeonghan said with a nod. “Success isn't easy.”

“I want to stay,” Joshua confessed, twiddling his fingers slowly, but in an anxious way.

Jeonghan did not need Joshua to explain more. He knew why he wanted to stay. He took another deep drag from the cigarette, exhaling the smoke into the night sky.

“Where did you get that though?” Joshua read his friend's face expertly, knowing that it had been a while since Jeonghan smoked his last cigarette. And this was a brand he would never buy from.

“Taehyung's pocket.”

“Jeonghan,” he exhaled in resignation and Jeonghan chuckled at his reaction. “Please don't steal from my friends. And stop smoking.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes and made no comment.

“What's wrong with you?” Joshua asked.

“Nothing,” he muttered, feeling his brain swim under the effects of the nicotine, and alcohol. He should not have mix alcohol and nicotine. “Why are you doing this, Joshua?”

“Doing what?” he asked softly, pausing to look at his friend.

“This, with Bunny. Agreeing to a poly,” Jeonghan exhaled, the anxiousness constricting his heart. Damn the nicotine.

Joshua looked at him agape for a second. He had not expected the blunt question, but he supposed that a moment such as this was merited. The doe eyes returned to map the city skyline, searching for an answer.

“I want this,” he shrugged uneasily.

“Tsk,” Jeonghan exhaled. “Ay, don't tell me this is out of the goodness of your heart, Shuji. I know you. You could've swept this under the rug, continue a monogamous relationship with Bunny. Why drag me into this again?”

“Because you also want this,” Joshua retorted, expecting his best friend to laugh. But not even a smile appeared on the crestfallen man. Joshua exhaled too, but out of shame he still felt about the topic of conversation. “I hurt you both.”

“But this is damned to fail if you just want to make everyone happy,” Jeonghan darted a look at the man beside him. “Just because you regret hurting her and giving me the middle finger doesn't mean that we can be all in a poly now.”

Joshua winced, and he could see it in the face of the man, his words offended him. “I want this,” he emphasized with a pained look. “I want this to work for all three of us.”

“Why?” Jeonghan pressed now, raising his gaze to meet the dark doe eyes.

“I don't know,” he whispered, but Jeonghan could tell when his best friend lied. It was the tone in his voice, the bristling look in his eyes when he could not continue with the eye contact. “I want to see how this works out.”

“So, you're... experimenting?” Jeonghan frowned. “Exploring? What happens if you decide you don't like it?”

“But I do,” both men met gazes again. “I do like it. I just don't know why.”

“From being the most jealous person I know, you switched to sharing your partner with me,” Jeonghan clicked his tongue, taking the cigarette between his lips. “It's just confusing to me.”

“It's confusing to me too,” he replied tiredly, as though he had repeated that same statement many times before.

Jeonghan twisted the cigarette bud in his fingers, deep in thought.

“You know I never apologized, at least not sincerely,” Jeonghan muttered, watching the cigarette consume itself between his fingers. He raised his head, looking at the stars. “I'm sorry for what I did, for not telling you how I felt about her sooner.”

Joshua nodded, his eyes lingering on the face of his best friend. “You didn't need to tell me, Jeonghan,” he commented. “I knew it the moment you bought her tickets to come see me in the opening show.”

Jeonghan huffed, a guilty smile showing on his face. “You're lying,” his eyes beamed in a mixture of shame and joy. “I can be nice sometimes.”

Joshua shook his head, a smile curving his lips too. “No, you can be nice, but this just told me that you wanted to keep her far away from you.”

“Tsk,” Jeonghan exhaled sharply. “Am I that transparent?”

“Just to me.”

The moment slowed down when both men stared at the city lights in the night, both deep in thought, but at the same time, sharing the same feeling.

“I want her to be happy,” Joshua repeated, his heartbeat stammering under the feeling of being vulnerable.

“I want that too,” Jeonghan conceded with a softness lacing his tone. “But that's not all there is, right? You need to know what you're facing, Shuji. If you agree to this, you're agreeing to me dating her fully. Not just having sex.”

“I know, I know,” he rolled his eyes. “I will try not to be jealous.”

“Have you heard of going to therapy?” Jeonghan quipped, receiving a slap on his shoulder, eliciting a low chuckle from him. “I've heard it does wonders.”

“Shut up,” Joshua exhaled, but there was a smile on his face too. “I'm not as jealous as I used to be.”

“I know,” Jeonghan agreed with a nod of his head. “Do you accept my apology?”

Joshua snorted. “You don't need to apologize,” he said. “But I'll take it.”

“Nice,” Jeonghan exhaled, palming the banister once and stood up straight, readying the cigarette bud on his fingers to discard it.

“Don't,” Joshua cautioned, clearly understanding the intentions of his friend.

Jeonghan flicked the cigarette bud from his fingers, tossing it into the void.

“Ah, you little shit,” Joshua huffed, shaking his head in disapproval.

“Go get it if you care that much, altar boy,” Jeonghan nodded his head to the city below them, letting out a characteristic low chuckle.

“Fuck off,” Joshua laughed, slapping Jeonghan's shoulder.

But he was quicker, returning a slap on the back of Joshua's head that resounded with a smacking noise. “Gotcha,” his giggles became high pitched.

Joshua grabbed the man by the back of the neck, quickly wrapping his arms in a headlock, enjoying the way Jeonghan struggled, laughing, and grunting as he tried to set himself free.

“Let me go, you idiot,” Jeonghan laughed, groans escaping his mouth as he tried to slip off the bigger man's grip.

“Stop being a pain in my ass,” Joshua retorted.

Both men stopped in dead in their fight when you slid the door open, a perplexed look on your face as you stepped out and into the balcony.

“H-help,” Jeonghan rasped, arms flailing at his side. “Help me baby, he's gone insane—gah!” got cut off by the man keeping him still in a head locked.

“What's going on?” you asked carefully, wide eyed.

“Nothing, baby,” Joshua exhaled with a pleased smile on his face. “Me and Jeonghannie are just having a heart-to-heart, right?”

A set of fingers poked at his ribs sharply. Jeonghan nodded rapidly, stifling a laugh. “Ah—fuck, it tickles, stop!”

Joshua released him with a breathy laugh, straightening his denim shirt he looked at you, still standing frozen by the door. “What's up, baby?”

“I was wondering where you two had gone,” you shrugged, reading them both with great curiosity.

“I wanted some fresh air, turns out he was having a smoke,” Joshua stifled a giggle when his friend shot him a cold look.

“Ah, you–,”

“Jeonghan, please stop smoking,” you chastised, and the man clicked his tongue and groaned when you crossed your arms.

“I wasn't smoking, baby, I promise,” he raised the palms of his hands to you in a gesture of innocence.

But you could tell he was lying, his widened eyes, the way he tried to hold a rein to the muscles of his face, fighting his smile. You rolled your eyes.

“Let's go home?” Joshua asked, taking a glance at his watch.

“Sure,” you mumbled sweetly, reaching out to grab Jeonghan's hand, slipping your fingers beneath his palm. “Let's go.”

“Me too?” he asked, sending a look to your boyfriend.

“Well, yeah, obviously, you dummy. We arrived together, we leave together,” you punctuated with a confident smile.

“But-,”

“Come on, the car is already waiting for us,” Joshua muttered, looking at his phone.

Jeonghan grabbed your hand, slipping his fingers between yours. He pulled you back to the party, where your boyfriend stopped to say goodbye to his friends as you waved at them exiting the large and heavily crowded room.

All three of you stepped in the elevator, facing the reflection showing on the closed doors. Joshua stood on your left side, casually placing a hand on your lower back as he scrolled on his phone. Jeonghan stood on your right side, still locking hands with you.

He noticed you looking at the reflection and held your gaze as he leaned down and planted a soft kiss on your head. “What are you thinking about, princess?”

“I had fun tonight,” you said, looking at both men flanking you. Joshua pocketed his phone when he heard you, turned to see you, and then at the reflection.

“Did you like Joshua's friends?” he asked in that sweet tone that sent butterflies through your body.

“I did, they're nice,” you nodded, turning to your boyfriend. “I'd like to meet them again.”

“Maybe we can arrange something,” he muttered. “When I come back.”

You nodded with your head ever so slightly, giving him a chance to press a soft kiss on the crown of your head.

You hissed loudly as you slid on the backseat of the car, rubbing your hands together before blowing on them to bring some warmth to your face.

Joshua laughed softly. “Let me,” he said, capturing your hands in his, pulling them away from your face. He wrapped them in his large and warm hands, rubbing them together, rapidly warming them up.

“I liked your dress,” your boyfriend muttered, his lips caressing the back of your hand. He pushed his eyebrows up, looking at you. “Is it new?”

“Hannie got it for me,” you muttered sheepishly, just as the man slid a hand on your bare thigh, sending a cold shiver down your spine.

“Did you thank him for that baby?” Joshua muttered, kissing your knuckles tenderly, slowly.

“I did,” you nodded, looking at his pouted lips pressing on your knuckle.

“Mn, that reminds me,” Jeonghan muttered beside you, looking at the screen of his phone. “Check your phone, Shuji.”

Your stomach twisted; anticipation flashed through your body. You instantly knew what this was about, just as your boyfriend pulled his phone out of the pocket of his black jacket.

“On silent preferably, or else this ride will get more awkward,” Jeonghan mumbled, eyeing at the driver inconspicuously.

Joshua paused and you froze, sitting between both men. Your boyfriend exhaled through his nose slowly, his face staying impassive as the brightness of his screen flashed on his face.

You peeked at the screen, guts twisting when you caught a glimpse of Jeonghan passing the phone to you, making you record him as he fucked you against the wall of the changing room.

The screen went black.

Joshua locked his phone, placing an elbow on the car windowsill, his forehead pressed against this fist. “Fuck.”

Jeonghan laughed silently, palming the plush of your thigh gently.

“So, you two have started to have fun,” he said, his voice low and raspy.

“Just a little present. For the road,” Jeonghan quipped, pressing his lips together in a sweet smile.

Back to your bedroom, you got ready for bed, brushing your teeth facing the mirror, where you saw Joshua come to hug you from behind. He placed one of his hands on your tummy, leaning to leave a kiss on your cheek.

You beamed at him.

“What?” he asked.

“You're being clingy,” you muttered after rinsing your mouth.

“What if I am?” he retorted, pressing another kiss on your temple.

“I like it,” you admitted, turning around so you could face him, cupping his face before giving him a sweet kiss on his lips. “Let's go to bed.”

“I'll be there in a minute,” he nodded, patting your ass gently.

There in the bed, Jeonghan lied with one arm tucked under his head, looking at his phone until his eyes caught sight of you. He left his phone aside, watching you crawl on the bed to lie next to him.

“I'm starting to really like this,” you muttered, bringing a hand to gently rub his tummy up and down.

“To like what, princess?” he asked with a soft tone, his hand caught yours to play with your fingers.

“Sleeping with both of you at the same time,” you admitted with a sheepish grin.

“Oh, so you didn't like it before?” he chuckled, his nose wrinkling at little.

Joshua came to the bedroom, lying next to you so now you were sandwiched by both.

“I did, I'm just saying that I can get used to this. I like it,” you shrugged, feeling the warmth from both bodies. Joshua cuddled up behind you encircling your body in his arms.

Jeonghan looked at your lips, then your eyes with a sweet smile on his face. “That's good to hear, princess,” he commented, leaning over to plant a kiss on your forehead.

You turned over. Joshua captured your lips in a tender kiss, conveying without words what he wanted to say, but was too tired to bring himself to vocalize it.

“I know, me too,” you whispered sweetly, cuddling up to both before falling asleep in their warmth.

It was one day exactly before Joshua had to leave for tour.

His suitcase sat on the chair in the corner of the bedroom. It was half made, an act you attributed to his reluctance to leave again.

He left earlier in the morning to rehearse with his band, and to get some other things in order before they kickstarted the tour. In his anticipating of these things, he told you he would not take long and when he came back, you could have the afternoon to spend together.

So, you saw it as an opportunity to prepare for a nice time together before he left.

Admittedly, you were not as anxious about him leaving as before somethings you could talk them out with him, but there was still a very particular thing living in your mind.

But you shrugged it off. For now.

You had some hours before Joshua returned home, so you had to make every minute count. You left to the market to buy some groceries, and to buy some other things needed for your impromptu plan.

By sundown, you had successfully cooked dinner, tidied the entire apartment, making the table look nice and pretty, adorned with candles and a nice set of cutleries and a bottle of wine. And lastly, you made yourself look pretty. Prettier.

You stomach dropped to the sound of the door being shut, and you practically ran to see your boyfriend entering the apartment, looking at the table with a question written in his face.

In his hand he was holding a bouquet of flowers.

“You’re back!” you chirped, welcoming him in a warm hug that always seemed to leave him speechless.  

“Hi beautiful,” he giggled joyfully. “What’s this?”

“Hi handsome,” you replied, equally as joyous. “I thought of surprising you.”

Joshua showed you a wide smile that robbed you of air. “I was thinking of surprising you,” he said, his eyes wrinkling around the corners. “You beat me to it.”

He handed you the bouquet of flowers, which was strikingly beautiful. It was chosen carefully and abundant with pink, blue and white flowers.

“Oh, Josh, thank you so much,” you beamed at him, taking the bouquet from his hand, and instinctively brought the first flower to your nose. “They're beautiful. Let me get them in a vase.”

Joshua watched you as you came back with the flower vase and place it on the table. He was still standing in the same spot, as if he had frozen with surprise upon seeing you all dressed up, minus your shoes.

“Come here,” he caught your hand, pulling you closer to him with a tug. “What is the surprise for?”

“Well, I wanted to spend a nice evening with you, silly,” you replied with an obvious tone, but you were unable to hold your shy grin. “I want tonight to be just the two of us…”

Joshua smiled, his hand had already parked at the small of your back, the other quickly finding your face to cup your chin, planting a gentle kiss on your lips. “Thank you, baby,” he whispered, holding you closer when you tried to pull away.

“Wait, I also got you something,” you giggled when he looked offended at you when you pulled away and turned to the kitchen counter, where you had left a small box.

You sneaked a look at his face, meekly handing him the present you had prepared for him with anticipation for this day.

Joshua took the box, returning the glance at you but his denoted intrigue. He uncovered the box, revealing the guitar strap you had personalized only for him. It matched his in-ear pieces, and it held a secret message that only him would be able to find.

But he lowered the box, a soft look overpowering the features of his face. “Thank you, bunny,” he whispered, cupping your cheek to kiss your forehead. “I love it.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent in the good company of music playing in the background, food that was carefully prepared and of course, his presence. Somehow you both ended up sitting on the couch, soft touches and tender kisses inevitably led to a heavy make out session.

Joshua grabbed you by the waist, letting out a heavy grunt as he dragged you to sit on his lap, making you straddle him. “Clingy,” you whispered, teasing him.

“I remember you said you like it,” he retorted, his studded eyebrow jumping up slightly.

“I do,” you ran the back of your pointer finger down his cheek, outlining his beautiful jaw, stopping to hold his chin. “It's as if you can't get enough of me.”

Joshua laughed, wrinkles appearing at the corners of his eyes, the chirping sound warming your heart. “What can I say,” he muttered, bringing a hand from the back of your knee to your hip. “I have a nasty addiction to you,” he grabbed the hand from his chin, planting a gentle kiss on the inner side of your wrist. “I'm afraid you've made me insatiable.”

You returned the smile, though shadowed by the fact that you were overcome by the urgent need to feel his body, to melt into him. He raised his glinting eyes to you, noticing the change in your eyes.

“I'm going to miss you,” you said, conquered by the feeling coiling in your throat.

Joshua paused; his gaze softened. “Me too, baby,” he whispered too, the grip of his hands on you tightened softly.

“Yeah?” you breathed, egging him on.

“Every minute,” he responded, swallowing hard. “You know I'd take you with me everywhere I go, given my way,” he said, his gaze trained on you as you straddled him, lowering yourself on top of him.

“Would you?” you questioned again, enjoying the way his eyes were on you, reading the features of your face as though he wanted to memorize them again.

“Do you want to visit me sometimes?” he muttered, his eyes following your lips as you leaned down to capture his pretty lips with your own.

“Yeah,” you breathed, his large hands slid from the plush of your thighs, gripping your waist, his fingers pressing over the fabric of your pretty dress. “I could visit you.”

“Please do,” he muttered into your mouth, his breath hitching audibly when your fingers slipped on his hair, your fingertips raking his scalp as you kissed him deeply.

“Okay,” you replied faintly, swept away by the beauty of the man below you, looking at you with glimmery eyes.

“Will you?” now he questioned, he bit his lower lip as his hands on your waist grabbed you to press you down on his hard body, making you feel his warmth.

You nodded your head yes. “Yeah,” you echoed, diving for another long kiss, rolling your tongue in his mouth expertly. He moaned into your mouth, his hand leaving the curve of your waist to cup your cheek.

“Mn,” he hummed in delight when you thread his dark brown hair between your fingers. “Baby.”

“Yes?” you paused, breaking away from him to look in his eyes.

His hands, one parked in the curve of your waist and the other flatly pressed on the small of your back exchanged positions. Joshua licked his lips slowly, appearing to be gathering his words.

“Thank you for tonight,” he muttered, tiny dimples appearing above the corners of his mouth when he swallowed hard. “You make me so happy, feel so loved.”

Your heart stammered at the sound of his words, the way his eyes brightened up, looking at you with so much love. “You don't have to thank me for that, Mr. Hong. I do it gladly,” you whispered with a sheepish smile, pushing his hair away from his face with your fingertips. “I wanted tonight to be about you,” you said, putting weight on the last word.

“I love the sound of that,” he admitted, a small smile appearing on his face. “Come here, Ms. Hong,” he muttered, bringing a hand to cup your cheek, just as you closed the space between his lips and your own, sealing them with a tender, slow kiss.

The question remained. Now that you were with two people, how would it work between all three of you? What was the finish line? Was there even one?

When this little deal was prompted initially, you had your doubts. You still did. The deal was fair and simple, but it was a one that you could not take from zero to one hundred. You soon had to face insecurities, hurt feelings and other concerns, you soon came to realize that it was not so simple.

“Hey,” you hummed, pulling away from his kiss once again. “Where are we going with this?” you whispered shakily. A hand caressed his cheek, threading his long hair back.

“With Jeonghan?” he asked, easily knowing what you were referring to. You nodded. “Where do you want it to go?”

You stayed quiet, at complete loss of words. You never came to a conclusion in your mind, and never thought that Joshua would relinquish the decision over to you.

“Don't you think it's a little early to decide that?” he asked, noticing that your answer was incomplete.

“B-but,” you exhaled through your nose, irritated that you were not as ready to have this conversation as you initially thought to be. “I need us to be in the same page when you leave. I want you to be sure of this.”

“I'm sure of this,” he nodded slightly, his tone had dropped, but it still sounded so sweet, and so reassuring. “Are you having second thoughts about Jeonghan?”

“No, no,” you mumbled. “I'm just thinking—I'm having a hard time with the logistics of the whole relationship.”

Joshua showed you a smile that made your tummy flutter. “I know. I've noticed,” he giggled sweetly, but soon his features took on a more serious look. “How about this, let's just roll with it, yeah? Don't stress about it now.”

“Okay,” you whispered, however in your mind you did not put the matter to rest.

“Yeah?” he mumbled, lifting his eyebrows. “I what you want to know is that I won't doubt you, I don't. I trust you, and I want this to work.”

Something burst inside your chest. Relief, excitement. The feeling made you breathe erratically. “Yes, but how will it work?” you countered. “Are there any rules? Do you have any limits you don't want me to cross?”

His gaze softened, much as if he understood what the root of your worries was. “There are no rules,” he smiled, planting a small kiss on your forehead. “Just the ones that we mentioned. We don't date other people.”

“Is that the only rule?” you pressed, reading the features of his face but he stayed looking at you fondly.

“Do you want to set some rules?” he inquired, blinking rapidly when your hand slid from his nape and started toying with the small rings adorning his earlobe.

You shook your head. “I'm just saying, since you say that everything is okay with me and Jeonghan dating but,” you sighed out some nervousness. “What will happen when Jeonghan and I actually start dating?”

“What do you mean?” he asked with a soft tone.

In anxiousness you pinched his earlobe softly, the corners of his lips curved up. “I don't want you to feel bad,” you finally blurted, a sunken feeling slumping on your shoulders.

Joshua took a pause, the smile weakened a little, but his eyes did not seem to lose the glimmer when he looked at you. “I'm happy if you're happy,” he mumbled.

“Babe,” you leaned your head to one side. “I find that endearing but I don't believe that you won't feel jealous,” you stammered through the words. “You can be honest with me. I want you to.”

Joshua seemed lost for a second. “I'm not lying,” he said carefully, but you detected a slight hint of apprehension. “I can't say that I won't feel jealous—I am jealous that I won't be here with you and he will,” he read your face intently. “But I want you to be happy. And I want you to explore this with me and Jeonghan.”

“That's the thing I am skeptical about,” you smiled because he did first, and you pushed his shoulder. “Stop it.”

“Why do you feel skeptical?” he emphasized the word, teasing you a little. His smile faltered and he took on a more serious tone. “Mn? Tell me.”

“I think that the fact that you no longer feel possessive makes me a bit incredulous that you actually want this,” you confessed, fearful that your words strike a chord in a wrong way.

“Oh,” his mouth dropped slightly and nodded. “Well, I've told you this before, baby,” he explained, he was not condescending with you, and you silently thanked him for that. “With everything that we went through, I made the decision to change,” he paused, and you noticed that the conversation was starting to affect him, but he held your gaze, even though you saw that his eyes had started to take a glint of sadness: “I thought I would lose you. All because of my stupid jealousy and possessiveness, and I almost did.”

The remorse you felt gripped your heart so vehemently that it robbed the air from your lungs. Joshua noticed the change in your eyes, and he moved his arms to encircle your torso and pulled you to his body.

“Listen,” he started, bringing your gaze to his. “Let's take this easy, yeah? Don't worry about how I'll feel, I'm exploring this too,” he suggested, his tone softened again. “Learn about what you like, what you don't like. As long as we're talking this through, I think we'll be fine.”

The challenge presented itself to you. You thought about how hard was for you just to talk your thoughts out. You thought about how you will grapple with being with two people at once, despite one of them being away.

But you wanted this to work out too. You wanted to explore this, with him, with Jeonghan. And for once, you liked that you were the one in control.

“Mn?” he pushed his eyebrows up. “Will you tell me if things get complicated?”

You nodded with your head in affirmation. “Will you?” you whispered.

His gaze softened. “Of course,” he nodded slightly too. “I promise.”

You finally felt the weight lift from your shoulders, you smiled at him. “I promise too,” you whispered.

He responded with a smile of his own. “Better?” he asked with a tiny whisper.

“Better,” you confirmed.

Joshua brought a hand to cup your cheek as you leaned your head to find his lips to clasp them with your own. “I love you,” he murmured with a raspy tone.

You returned the kiss, just as passionate. “I love you, Joshua.”

✮ author's note: hi hello hi hi

so, let me overshare a little bit here: i'm bi. writing some bits from this chapter were a bit exciting for me because i want everything to be v clear, but at the same time i don't want to make it so extensive that it becomes the theme of the whole chapter, so, yeah. hannie is bi in this universe hehe (●'◡'●)

this fic is a wild ride for me. i love writing it so so much. and that is the whole idea of writing fic for me. i get enjoyment out of writing it and sharing it with you. idc if i lost readers when i turned this fic into a polyamorous fic, i'm happy with the readers that stayed.

✮ special credits to my beautiful @thatgirlfromwindsor, who provided me with prompts for our joshie, namely him having nightmares about losing bunny, him being so fucking in love in a rave/party setting, the indoor dates (i'll use more prompts baby, i think i'll use every single one you sent because my heart aches for more josh scenes like these) i love you 😙🩵

✮ additional note: i just started using a word processor to write (i used the tumblr desktop app to write yes, i'm insane), so there is a change in the quotes the i used for this chapter (i.e.: curved quotes) so if you're freaky w details like that like me, i am sorry hahahaskfkdjgh

anyway,

✮ PART FOUR!! ✮

toodles!

JOIN MY TAGLIST | ALL CHAPTERS | BUY ME A COFFEE? (●'◡'●)

© TO HANNIEWEEN — I DO NOT ALLOW TRANSLATIONS, CONTINUATIONS, REIMAGINATIONS OF MY WORKS OR THEIR REPOSTING ON OTHER WEBSITES.

[evansbby]

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟒

part iv - just like animals

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dark alpha!Steve Rogers x naive omega!Reader

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut, major angst, extremely dark themes, a/b/o dynamic, daddy!kink, dubcon, dumbification, bullying, breeding kink, pregnancy kink, size kink, housewife kink, semi-public sex, pussyjob, oral (f receiving),  extreme depictions of bullying and depression, 18+ only, minors do not interact!  

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You begin to lose hope, and Steve begins to lose his mind.

Series Masterlist 

𝐀/𝐍: Another warning that the angsty content and certain themes in this chapter may be difficult to read. Warnings are there for a reason. Apart from that, thank you so much for being so patient. It took me more than 4 months to write this and it’s 22.2k words long. Enjoy.

Pregnant.

You stare so hard your vision blurs, until the two lines on the test are swimming around comically, almost as if they’re laughing at you. And then you’re blinking rapidly, because your eyes must be playing some kind of cruel trick, right? This can’t be real, this can’t be real, this can’t be real.

You’re pregnant. With Steve’s baby.

It’s with an almost detached silence that you get up and wrap all three tests in a big wad of toilet paper. Like you’re floating through the air, you stuff them under your shirt and make your way out of the room. With Steve still asleep, you venture downstairs and out the front door, the chilly morning air having no effect on you.

You bury the tests at the bottom of the garbage bin, like how you’re currently trying to bury all the emotions threatening to spill out of you. A baby. Inside you. Right at this moment. Steve’s baby. Your hand twitches, reaching up to touch your stomach before you stop yourself. What were you going to do now?

Steve reaches for you when you return to the bedroom, he looks half-asleep as he pulls you back into bed. You wonder whether here, cocooned in cosy warmth, you can just scrunch your eyes up real tight and pretend none of this is happening right now…

“Where did you go?”

“Steve, I… I’m…” Your throat constricts, and panic rises within you like bile as you try to regulate your breathing. “I just went downstairs to drink water.”

Steve hums, drawing you closer and burying his face in your neck while you lie completely still. As if any movement would somehow expose the fact that you’re pregnant. He peppers soft kisses onto your skin, tugging your shirt down to expose more of your neck.

“I’m gonna take you out for dinner tonight.” He says softly, and it’s the last thing you were expecting to hear from him right now. His lips drag up to kiss the corner of your mouth before moving down to your jaw, his hands stroking up and down your body as he holds you close. “You have an exam this morning, don’t you?”

You don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the fact that you’d forgotten you have an exam today.

“Y-Yeah.”

“Mm, so I’ll take you out after. Anywhere you want to go. We can even go shopping before that, I’ll buy you whatever you want.” Steve’s arms encircle around your waist, pulling you up as he rolls onto his back, so that you’re lying on his chest. He blinks up at you, blue eyes suddenly serious, “I want you to forget about everything that happened last night, omega.”

And just like that, it all comes rushing back to you. Like a hurtling freight train that had been momentarily kept at bay because you’d just found out you were pregnant. But now the memories come back at lightning speed. Bucky. Steve Junior. The fight. How Steve hadn’t defended you. How he’d left.

How he’d cheated on you.

How you’d begged him not to leave you.

“Forget all of it.” Steve repeats, cupping your face with both his hands. “None of that’s important anymore, as long as you’ll be good from now on.”

And just like that, he wants you to forget. Move on in a blink of an eye. Forget his cheating, his casual cruelty, how he’d laughed when you’d cried. How he’d told you every detail of his encounter with that other omega, how it had felt like you’d been punched in the gut repeatedly.

How could he expect you to forget? By pretending it never happened and distracting you with shopping trips, gifts and dinners? Was that his way of compensating? Didn’t he feel even a tiny bit of remorse? Could he even acknowledge how much he’d hurt you?

There’s a part of you, underneath all the newfound shock of being pregnant, that wants to confront him about all of it.

Instead, you nod mechanically. “Okay, Steve.”

“Good girl.” He kisses you a few more times before sitting up and setting you down next to him. “Pick a restaurant and text me, I’ll make the reservation.”

With baited breath, you watch him as he gets up, moving around the room to get ready for the day. You know that he’s got his morning run, then a gym session and then two exams back-to-back– which means you won’t see him until a lot later. Maybe it would give you enough time to gather your thoughts and make sense of your situation before you tell him.

***

Your own exam goes by in a blur. It doesn’t help that all you can think about is the fact that there’s literal life growing inside of you, but you somehow soldier through. With nerves mounting, you walk from the university building back to Steve’s house almost in a daze. Worries, questions, concerns, and fears swim around in your head like a school of frenzied fish. What are you going to do?

Acting on desperate impulse alone, you whip your phone out. Shaky fingers scroll desperately, searching for one blocked contact in particular. Almost in a frenzy, you tap on his name, unblocking him and calling him before you can change your mind.

“H-Hello? Peter?”

It takes a few moments for him to register that it’s you, and then:

“Oh my God. Are you okay?!”

The familiarity of Peter’s voice makes you want to cry, the sound bringing back fleeting memories of sitting on his sofa with a bowl of popcorn and a movie, complaining to him about all the alphas in your lectures. Playing computer games on his laptop and laughing when you beat him. Catching the bus to his house after days of not speaking to anyone at university, and the relief you’d feel when he’d open the door…

“I’m… I…Peter, I…”

You’re suddenly awash with shame. The last time you’d seen Peter, his face was spurting blood after being punched several times by Steve. And you hadn’t even bothered to call or text him after that, hadn’t bothered to see if he was okay. Granted, that was also the night Steve had mated you – oh, how could you ever explain all of this mess to Peter?

“Are you okay?” Peter repeats. “I tried to call so many times but you blocked me.” A pause, and then he adds: “Don’t worry, I realised that was probably Steve’s doing.”

You swallow harshly, “I should’ve called you. It’s just… He… He…” But you couldn’t blame it all on Steve, could you? In the past month and a half, it’s not like you’d gone out of your way to contact Peter. No, after Steve had mated you, it was like he’d consumed you, eaten you alive. Wrapped you up in this little bubble where it was just you and him and no one else mattered. A bubble you clearly had been in no hurry to escape from until it had popped unceremoniously all over your face.

“Is he treating you okay?” Peter’s question sounds tentative, as if he doesn’t quite believe his own words.

“No, Peter, I–” A strangled sob escapes your throat from out of nowhere, and you can feel the flimsy threads holding you together as they begin to come apart. “Everything’s a mess, a big fat mess and I don’t know what I’m going to do!”

“What happened? Did he hurt you?”

Why had you called him? How could you even begin to tell him everything you’d been through in the past twenty-four hours? Would Peter ultimately even care to listen to you complain about the man you’d cheated on him with? The man who you’d been living with for the past month, acting like his good little omega while pretending Peter no longer existed?

“It’s all a big mess.” You moan pathetically, hating yourself for how you sound. Here you were, hurt by one man and immediately trying to hurtle yourself into the arms of another. Stupid. Pathetic. Dumb. Careless. You’d gotten yourself into this mess. Just like Steve said – all your fault.

Your hand finds its way to your stomach, stroking it softly through the material of your dress. For a split second, you close your eyes and try and picture it. You, with a baby in your arms. Your very own baby – it looks exactly like you. And Steve coming home, smiling happily as he kisses you and takes your child, swinging it around while it giggles.

But like ink spilling on paper, the image darkens. Now it’s you alone with your baby. Cold, dark, dreary. Steve’s gone. He left you. Left you and left your baby. For that other omega. Left you just like how your dad left too. And it’s all your fault, all your fault, all your fault! Steve’s voice chanting in your head while your baby cries: all your fault, all your fault, all your fault!

“Hello? Are you still there?” Peter’s voice drags you out of your mind. “Look, just tell me what happened. I can help you. I know I wasn’t much help last time but I can help you now. We can figure something out, just tell me where you are, and–”

“I’m sorry,” You interrupt him, swallowing harshly. What had you hoped to achieve by calling your ex-boyfriend and telling him that your current boyfriend got you pregnant? No, you couldn’t do that to Peter. “Look, I don’t know why I called, I can’t drag you into my mess.”

“You haven’t even told me what the mess is–”

“I’m sorry, Peter.” You choke out before quickly hanging up. Methodically, you delete the call history and block his number once more. And then, it’s with almost mechanical grace that you wipe away your tears and clear your throat.

This is your mess. You have to handle it by yourself.

Still reeling from the impulsive phone-call and it’s abrupt ending, you walk the rest of the way back to Steve’s house in a daze of different emotions, wanting nothing more than to just escape your mind which seems to be working in overdrive. Reaching the front door, you’re about to twist the doorknob when you hear a click and the door swings open from the inside.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Little Miss Omega.” Words dripping with smug delight as if he’s caught you with your hand in the cookie jar, Bucky leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest and a wolfish grin on his face, “Was that you I just saw on the phone?”

You duck your head, hoping to just ignore the alpha, nudge past him and run up to yours’ and Steve’s bedroom. But Bucky easily blocks your path, leaving you standing outside on the porch and looking up at him in dismay. Again, you try to push past him but he’s too big, too strong, barely budging.

“I asked you a question. Who were you on the phone with? I bet Stevie doesn’t know, does he?”

Bucky intimidates you, with his light blue eyes and cold gaze. The way he’s always staring. And you don’t think you’ll ever forgive him for what he did to poor Steve Junior. Hands curling into fists by your sides, you can’t help but look to the ground, “I was talking to a friend about a textbook I’m looking for.”

“Nice try, sweetheart. Everyone knows you don’t have any friends.”

“Just let me in!” You try and be assertive, but shoving past him does you no good – just like Steve, he’s practically built like a brick wall.

“Let’s put it to a vote, shall we?” Bucky turns his head slightly, “Hey, Sam. Should I let little omega into the house?”

Over Bucky’s shoulder, you see Sam on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table and a joint between his fingers, a slightly glazed look over his eyes. “I don’t give a fuck, man.”

“I’ll take that as a no. Sorry, sweetheart. I guess Steve should’ve trusted you with keys.” And you can’t believe it when the door slams in your face. You stand there in shock for a few seconds, wrapping your head around exactly what’s just happened. Overhead, the clouds grow darker and you hear a boom of thunder that has your chest tightening.

Hurriedly, you knock on the door once more, trying to persuade yourself that they’re just doing what they always do – acting like alpha jerks and joking around. Of course, they’ll let you in soon – they’d have to be heartless not to.

“Please let me in!” You call out, knocks becoming more incessant as panic begins to bubble inside of you – you’re not too fond of thunder, “Bucky, Sam, please! I think it’s gonna start raining!”

A rush of cold air has you shivering down to the bone, goosebumps rising up and down your limbs. It had been warm in the morning, so you’d worn only a light sundress – absolutely not ideal for the rainstorm that’s clearly about to hit.

“Guys, please!” You cry out again, and it comes out as a whimper. Bucky’s been awful as of late, but maybe Sam would grow irritated by your cries and come to open the door? That’s all you can hope for as you continue to slam your fists against the door harder and harder.

Suddenly, the door opens and you sag with relief until you see it’s Bucky again.

“L-Let me in. Please.” You hate that you have to beg him like this, after everything he’s said and done to you in the past. How he tore Steve Junior, how he called you a bitch in heat. Oh, how badly you wish Steve was here. But then, would Steve have even done anything at all?

Bucky tilts his head as if he’s pretending to think, “How about we strike up a bargain, sweetheart? You give me a kiss, and I’ll let you in.”

It’s as if someone’s dunked poison into your veins. Ugly, green poison that gives you a bad feeling and a bad taste all at once. You take a step back almost cautiously, “N-No.”

“You sure, omega?” Bucky licks his lips, pushing his brown hair out of his face as his gaze drinks you in hungrily. “It’s awfully cold out there, and nice and warm in here. All it’s gonna cost you is one kiss. And don’t worry, I won’t tell Steve.”

You jut your chin out, “No. I’m not going to kiss you. You’re Steve’s best friend, you shouldn’t be acting like this anyway.”

It’s like it’s all a game to him, because Bucky just smiles wickedly, reaching out to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear. Revulsion overtakes your body, and you take another step back, blanching before giving him a pleading look.

“Acting like what? I told you, I won’t tell Steve.” He tries to grab you, but you’re quick to dodge him, “Come on, omega. It’s not like Steve’s gonna care anyways. I was there when he cheated on you. I didn’t understand it, if I had a hot piece of ass like you in my bed– I’d never do what he did.”

You bite your lip. The pain is still so fresh, the memory of Steve so nonchalantly telling you how he’d cheated on you, how he didn’t have a mark on his neck that tethered him to you. You’re crestfallen, but there’s a certain fury that awakens inside you too, because you hate how Bucky’s talking about it, you hate how he knows, you hate how he’s using it to his advantage.

“JUST SHUT UP!”

You’ve never yelled at an alpha like this before, your voice sounding over a clap of thunder that hits at that exact moment, “Shut up, okay? My relationship with Steve is none of your business. So just please, please leave me alone and let me in.” And once again you try to barge your way past him, pushing against his arm with all your strength but getting absolutely nowhere with it.

“Listen, you little bitch. Don’t fucking raise your voice at me.” Bucky is quick to grab your arm, twisting it roughly behind your back and making you cry out in pain. “And stop trying to act all high and mighty, like you’re above kissing me. You’re just a pathetic little scholarship slut omega, remember that.”

“Please! It hurts!”

“It hurts!” He mimics, face inches from yours as he sneers down at you, “When are you gonna realise that no one cares when you hurt? Least of all Steve.” His lips are so close to yours, and you can feel his breath on your face as he speaks, “So, what do you say about that kiss, hm, sweetheart? He cheated on you, now’s your chance to do the same. An eye for an eye.”

“No! I’m not going to kiss you, okay? I don’t want to!” You cry out, trying with all your might to wiggle out of his grasp until he cruelly pushes you away and you stumble down the front steps of the house.

“Fine. Suit yourself, omega slut.”

And the door slams shut again, followed by the unmistakable click of the lock. And this time, you know Bucky isn’t coming back to open it. Another clap of thunder, a ripple of lightning and now heavy rain is falling down in earnest. For a few seconds, you just watch in disbelief as the icy cold water soaks through your clothes.

Then you run up against the window, pounding on it, hoping that maybe Sam will let you in. But Sam looks like he’s passed out on the couch and dead to the world around him. And Bucky just sits there, cigarette in mouth and phone in hand, pretending as if he hasn’t just heartlessly locked you outside in the heavy rainfall.

And the rain is unforgiving, so cold as it pelts downwards. Fat droplets of icy water beating down on your head – it’s already soaked through your dress and everything from your hair to your phone is dripping wet.

Once more, you slam your fists on the door, yelling out both their names, begging and pleading to be let in. You shake and rattle the doorknob, you pound at the glass of the window, at one point you even hurl your whole body into the door to maybe break it open – but to no avail.

“Please! It’s c-cold out here!” Your voice comes out hoarse from all the pleading you’ve been doing, and you can’t tell whether it’s rainwater or tears smeared all over your face, “Please let me in! I d-don’t know what I did to you but please, just let me in!”

It’s in the middle of your hundredth ‘please’ that you finally stop, clamping your shivering mouth shut because what’s the point? All this begging, all this pleading, just in the hopes that the two worst people you know might feel sorry for you? When they never have in the past? When they’ve been awful to you every chance they got, despite the fact that you’ve been nothing but polite to them?

No. Bucky and Sam don’t deserve your begging.

You find yourself sinking down on the steps. You contemplate calling Steve, but one glance at the black screen of your phone and you know it’s either dead or the rainwater got to it.

The library was closed for maintenance, and walking to the nearest campus building would be impossible in this rain. Even your old dorm is out of the question, because Steve has the keys to it. And slowly, as the cold numbness begins to spread across your fingertips and up your arms, you feel a sudden numbness in your mind too.

This despairing feeling of no hope, cruelly snatching away any need to survive. You feel your body switch off, the feeling of deadly indifference overtaking you. You bury your head between your legs, wrapping your arms around yourself to preserve any body-heat.

Steve should be home by now... But he isn’t, he isn’t, he isn’t! The voice inside you mocks. He’s probably with that other omega…Cosy in her dorm room, probably kissing her…

You don’t know how long you sit there in the pounding rain, feeling it beat unforgivingly down your head and back. A part of you wants to drown in the rainwater, or let it wash you away and take you somewhere far. Somewhere where it isn’t so wet and so cold, where everyone isn’t so horrible.

The car headlights don’t really register in your head, and neither does the rough hand that grabs your arm a few moments later, shaking you and calling out your name repeatedly. You just keep your head in your lap, hoping and praying that the cold goes away.

“Can you hear me? What the fuck are you doing out here?” Steve demands, grabbing both your shoulders now and shaking them heftily, making you look up slowly and blink. Your vision is completely blurred, and again it’s either from the rain or your tears – you don’t know. But you see Steve’s halo of blonde hair glimmering in the rain, and the furrow of his brow.

You open your mouth but nothing comes out as Steve yanks you up to your feet, pulling you towards the door.

“Did you hear what I just asked you? What are you doing out here in the rain? Are you insane?” He has to raise his voice to be heard above the deathly patter.

“W-Wouldn’t let me in.” You mumble faintly as Steve fishes for his keys, pulling them out of his pocket and unlocking the door in record time, pushing you inside before following you.

“What?” He repeats once you’re both inside, “What did you say?”

The warmth is immediate but you feel no relief – just that same numbness from before. You’re dripping all over the floor, cold beyond belief as you look down at your ruined shoes.

“Th-They wouldn’t let me in.”

It comes out so quiet, so pitiful, so weak and resigned. Because you know he won’t care, that he’ll downplay it. But Steve’s blue eyes blaze with fury once realisation sets in. Face red and knuckles white, he turns to the living room. You must’ve been outside for a while because Sam is gone, and there’s only Bucky who sits with his feet reclined on the coffee table, casually typing away on his phone.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, asshole?” Steve roars, striding into the living room and grabbing Bucky by the collar, yanking him up to his feet.

“Hey, hey, let the fuck go of me.” Bucky’s got a glare on his face as the blond alpha slams him against the wall, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Don’t act fucking stupid,” Steve sneers, “She was outside in the rain for God knows how fucking long. Look at her. She said you wouldn’t let her in.”

Bucky’s gaze shifts towards you, and you know you look like a dishevelled, soaking mess. There’s a split second where his eyes widen, and his throat bobs as he swallows. Then he blinks, that familiarly cruel smirk returning, “Oh. I guess I didn’t hear her knock.”

“Bullshit.”

“What’s going on–?” Sam chooses that moment to come thudding down the stairs. He stops short when he sees you shivering at the landing and the sizable puddle of rainwater by your feet.

“Why would you do it?” Steve slams Bucky against the wall once more, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him this angry. Except the night he mated you.

“Relax the fuck out. It was a joke. Don’t act like you haven’t done shit like this before.”

“Don’t fucking joke with her.”

“I’ll joke with whoever the fuck I want, asshole. Just like how you used to,” Bucky sneers, “before you got yourself whipped on that omega slut.”

The look on Steve’s face is one of absolute livid fury, and he’s about to draw his fist back when–

“Steve, she looks like she’s hypothermic or something.” It’s Sam who speaks, stepping forward and swiftly coming between them. Steve glances at you before looking back at Bucky, giving the brunet one last menacing look before shoving him, then shoving Sam and making his way over to you.

“Both of you can go to hell.” He mutters, blue eyes still filled with rage as he grabs your arm. He inhales sharply, as if stung by how cold your skin feels. And ‘feel’ is a strong word because what you can’t feel is your toes, your fingers, the tip of your nose. And you can’t stop the violent, body-wracking shivers as your body fails to heat itself up.

Steve tries to pull you up the stairs, but it’s like you’re a solid block of ice – half frozen from cold and from the shock of everything that’s happened. Eventually, he just picks you up, carrying you up the stairs as you remain stiff in his arms.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you repeat the words in choked whispers till they lose meaning. And you don’t know what you’re apologising for, but you know Steve’s angry. Which means he’ll be angry at you – maybe for making him fight with his friends? Causing a huge commotion because you cried like a baby for being locked outside? Would he blame you again, tell you it’s all your fault?

Would he leave you?

“I’m s-s-sorry,” you can’t keep your teeth from chattering but you keep repeating it nonetheless, scared of what he might do, what your punishment will be, as he carries you up into his room, slamming the door shut behind him.

You risk a look up at his face. There’s still anger in his eyes as he scans over your body, the way you’re trembling in his arms, cold fingers gripping onto him tightly. And for a moment, he just stands there. Stands there in the middle of his room as if he has no idea what to do, almost as if he’s at a loss.

“You’re really cold.” It’s all he says, and then he carries you into the bathroom, easily holding you close with one arm, and manoeuvring the other to open the tap and fill the bathtub with scalding hot water. You can see the steam rising invitingly, but it’s like all hope’s been snuffed out from within you – you don’t really care about getting warm anymore.

“A-A-Are you m-mad at me?” You ask Steve quietly, but maybe it’s too quiet, or maybe you asked it in your head because he doesn’t respond. Instead, he gently puts you down on your feet, unzipping your dress and taking it off, and then your shoes and sopping wet socks too. That’s when you realise you can’t feel your toes either.

The bath is boiling hot but it only feels lukewarm against your poor, cold-stricken body. He’s filled it up till the brim, so you sit there with your chin resting on your knees and arms wrapped around your legs protectively, as if any moment he’s going to turn on you, yell at you, tell you it’s your fault. And then you expect Steve to leave, and he almost does once he turns the faucet off. But he hesitates at the doorway, as if he’s afraid to leave you alone in the bathroom.

Finally, he decides to stay, sitting down on the floor next to the bathtub, his eyes glued to you. But the anger seems to be gone (or maybe he’s hiding it?). For a long while, no one says anything. And it’s there, in Steve’s bathroom as you sit in the scalding water, that something seems to break inside of you. As if any will you may have had has been sapped out of your body, leaving just a shell behind.

Steve clears his throat, “Are you still cold?”

Silence.

“Omega. Answer me.”

You don’t. Or you can’t. He seems far away.

“Do you want me to make the water hotter?”

Why is he being nice? Is it an act? Is he trying to trick you? Why hasn’t he punished you yet? This is all your fault, isn’t it? Isn’t it?

You stare straight ahead at the tiled wall in front of you. It’s black and white marble. Minimalistic. A simple pattern.

“Is there something written on my face that makes people to treat me like crap?”

It’s you who speaks – but you almost don’t recognise it. Clear, void of any emotion and no stutter. You feel like a ghost, out of your own body and watching yourself from a corner, resigned and not caring what happens next.

And Steve seems slightly taken aback – maybe he expected you not to speak at all. Maybe he only expected you to cry like you always do. But it’s as if you’ve cried all the tears you possibly can, and your body has no more left to give. It’s like you have nothing left inside you to give.

“They shouldn’t have done that.” Steve says darkly, “I’ll make sure they don’t pull shit like that ever again.”

You blink, but don’t respond. You know in your heart that you don’t believe him – not when he picks and chooses when to defend you.

“Is there something so glaringly wrong with me, that it makes people treat me like shit? You should know if there is, because you’re the one who started it, Steve. They wouldn’t be bullying me – no one would be bullying me – if it weren’t for you.”

You feel nothing as you say it, almost as if your body’s given up on protecting you; your tongue allowing you to say things that you’ve only ever dared to think about before. You were profusely apologising to him not five minutes ago, but now it’s like you can’t stop yourself from saying what’s been festering at the back of your mind for who knows how long. But your tone isn’t accusatory, just monotonous. You focus on the pattern on the wall – black, white, black, white, black, white. One white tile has a crack in it. A small one, but it’s there.

“Why did you bully me, Steve? What did I ever do to you, except keep my head down and mind my own business? Did you hate me that much? Do they hate me that much?”

Through your peripheral, you can see him holding his head in his hands for a second. And then he looks up, does that thing where he runs his hands through his hair. Eyes squeezed shut for a second, he opens them and looks down at you, and his hand hovers in the air for a second as if to grab yours, only to snatch it back at the last second.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Why did you treat me so awful, then? And persuade everyone else to do the same?”

Silence. No answer. But it’s not like you expected any different. You fold more within yourself, hugging your knees closer to your chest and letting a huge wave of shivers overtake you.

“Can you just… Could I be alone, please?”

He doesn’t budge even an inch, and again you get the feeling like he’s scared to leave you by yourself. But it feels even more alien when his hand comes up to stroke your hair back. The omega inside you sings for his touch but for once it’s like the numbness within you is overshadowing your base omega desires. You duck away from his hand, making him freeze and snatch it back once again.

After a few beats of silence, you speak once more.

“It’s me, isn’t it? There’s something about me that people just don’t like.  No matter how hard I try, how nice I act – it always seems to come back and slap me in the face.”

Steve, his tongue always ready with cajoling words and sweet nothings, seems to have nothing to say. You’ll never figure out how to read his expressions, but his brow is furrowed and lips pressed into a thin line.

“I’ve kept quiet all my life, kept my head down, kept out of everyone’s way – but none of it works.” You meet his gaze, that forever unreadable look; “Please… Please tell me why it never works?”

“I told you; I’ll make sure they never do shit like that again. You won’t have to worry anymore; I’ll make sure they don’t even speak to you–”

“You told me once that nobody cares about me.” You pick at your nails, sounding both broken and matter-of-fact at the same time, thinking back to Bucky’s words from earlier: No one cares if you hurt. “And you’re… you’re right, Steve. No one really does, otherwise Bucky and Sam would have just let me in. And no one would’ve ever bullied me. And… And my mom would answer my texts, and…” A sudden wave of anguish washes over you, “And my dad wouldn’t have left me.”

You don’t know why you’re telling him this now, but it seems like everything’s finally connecting in your head – everyone will leave you, even Steve. The alpha sucks in his breath, and again it’s like his fingers are dancing, creeping over to grab your hand that lays limply on the rim of the bathtub. And this time, he does, squeezing tightly except you’re so emotionally numb that you can’t even feel it.

“You know he left because he wanted a boy? An alpha? You were right, he didn’t care about me, left before my first birthday.” The pain associated with the one thing you never talk about, that you never even think about, is so strong that it almost winds you, and it makes your heart hurt. “N-Now he has a new family. Two sons. He even has a daughter, but I don’t think he’d ever leave her like he left me.”

Steve’s grip on your hand tightens, and you hear this growling sound that comes from his chest. But you’re so far down this well made up of your own pain and anguish, that it’s like Steve’s almost not even there.

“I don’t think my mom ever forgave me for him leaving. And you were right when you said that she doesn’t care about me either. I don’t remember the last time she called me, or even texted to check up on me.” You look up to see him open his mouth to speak but you beat him to it, “Steve, sometimes I… sometimes I hate myself for being like this, for driving everyone away.”

Steve whips his blonde hair out of his face, suddenly sitting up straighter and eyes molten blue with new heat, shoulders squared as if he’s defensive, “Don’t say shit like that.”

“But it’s true. And I drove you away too. To that other omega.” And now fresh anguish cuts through, splicing you open like a knife, the same pain you felt the moment Steve told you he’d kissed someone else.

“You didn’t drive me away–”

“That’s what you told me. You said it was my fault. And it was, and I made you cheat on me. All my fault – that’s what you said.”

“I didn’t mean–” He grabs your face, hands rough and calloused but so familiar, as if a thousand others could touch you at the same time but his touch is the only one you could ever recognise. Face inches from yours and intense gaze boring into you, he exhales sharply, “I didn’t cheat on you, omega. I don’t think you understand what cheating means, but kissing someone is not–”

“I’m not dumb.” You interrupt, and it’s funny because you wouldn’t have dared to ever interrupt him before now. But it’s like you’re a ghost, outside of your own body and long past the point of caring. “Maybe I’m a bit naïve but I know what cheating is.” Tears would’ve been flowing down your cheeks at this point, had you any tears left to cry, “And you know the worst part? You laughed as you told me.”

Steve shuts his eyes again for a second, really scrunches them up and you can see the furrow of his brow, the clench of his jaw. But you don’t know what any of it even means – is he angry with you? Annoyed? Irritated? Do you care?

“It didn’t mean anything with her. I came home to you in the end.”

It meant everything to me! You want to yell, but instead you sink down lower into the water, wanting it to swallow you up, pull you down the drain and away from everything. But strong hands grip your forearms, jerking you back up almost immediately. You suck in your breath before turning to face him, properly face him, “You still kissed her. And you– you gloated about it; told me it was my fault. N-Now you’re gonna leave me just like my dad did. Leave me for her.”

Steve shakes his head, his knuckles white from gripping your shoulders so tightly, “I don’t even remember her face.” He lifts you out of the tub, and you don’t even struggle because what’s the point? The fight seems to have left your body completely. He places you on his lap, naked and wet and trembling, strong arms encircling around you as they’ve done a thousand times before when he’s ready to sway you with his sweet words, “Omega. Listen to me, she meant nothing to me.”

“I don’t think I mean anything to you either.” It’s both an observation and a realisation. All these weeks of trying to persuade yourself that Steve has changed, that Steve’s good to you now, that surely Steve wouldn’t treat you how he treated Sharon. It’s a delayed reaction, but now you’re sure of it. As Bucky said: no one cares if you hurt. Least of all, Steve.

“You mean everyth–” Steve cuts himself off with another deep inhale, the muscles and veins in his neck tensing, “You mean a lot to me–”

“Don’t,” You interrupt him again, “Don’t say things you don’t mean, Steve. You do it all the time and I’ll always believe it – and it’ll all be a lie because it always is.” You shake your head, looking up into his shadowed blue eyes and feeling that lurch in your heart you always feel. “I’ll always fall for your words, Steve. Because you made me fall for you.”

A surge of indescribable anger overtakes you, washing over you like a tidal wave, drenching your already wet body in confused, accusatory rage. Feebly, as if testing the waters, you shove him. It’s a slight push against his chest, but then you do it again with a little more strength. And then again. He’s so strong, so big, so well-built, that he doesn’t even budge but you push him again anyways.

“I hate you for making me fall for you, even though you treated me like dirt at the bottom of your shoe!” You cry, shoving him harder while all Steve does is stare at you with that damned unreadable expression, “I hate you for not standing up for me,” Another shove, harder this time, and then another one, “I hate you for cheating on me, for laughing while you watched me cry. I hate you for making me care so much that it felt like my whole world ended when you told me you kissed her!”

Again and again, you hit him; and every time he just lets you do it. Not even raising a hand to defend himself, just allowing your pushes, slaps, punches and shoves to slam against his shoulders and chest. And everything’s a blur to you, black and white bathroom tiles melting into the blues in Steve’s eyes, and again you shove him, harder and harder, not even knowing you had this animosity inside of you until it came pouring out.

“I hate you for bonding with me when you don’t even care about me. Hate you for making me beg you not to leave me, hate you, hate you, I hate you!” Louder and louder your voice gets, till it’s bouncing off the walls of the bathroom, and you think you see a chip in Steve’s stoic expression when he winces, and you hit him even harder. You’ve never hit anyone in your life but it’s like you can’t stop, this animalistic anger radiating off you in waves.

He catches your fists in his hands easily, as easily as he’s crushed and stomped on your trust and feelings in the past. And he pulls you into him, muscular arms wrapping around you, clutching you to his chest, holding you there while you struggle against him, shove and punch and push, until you finally stop.

“I don’t hate you,” You whisper in defeat, “I can’t hate you – no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I should. I wish I did, but I can’t.” You lower your fists, sagging against his chest in defeat, voice breaking as finally, finally, the tears begin to fall. “Can’t hate you, Steve. Not even a little bit.”

Everything’s still. You. Him. The water in the bathtub. And then:

“I won’t hurt you again.” Steve’s voice comes out oddly thick.

“You’ll leave me.”

“I won’t.”

You stare at your hands, fingers shrivelled from the water, trembling from all the screaming you’ve just done, “Don’t believe you anymore.”

Steve sucks in his breath, and you look up to see him tug at his sweater, pulling it down to expose his neck, pale yet so thick and veiny, connecting to his muscular shoulders. He tilts his head slightly, eyes dark and deathly serious, blinking rapidly with a desperation that you’ve never seen on him before.

“Mark me too.”

Your head whips up, heart skipping several beats. Desperately, you search his face for a sign that he’s joking, that he’s about to laugh in your face. It’s almost instinctive to do that now – you don’t trust him; you don’t believe him. Despite the fact that there seems to be sincerity written on his features, you can see it brimming in his eyes that glow in the dim light of the bathroom, in his lips which practically purse with anticipation.

You don’t know what to say.

“Mark me too, omega. Like how I marked you. I don’t give a fuck about anyone else; I only want you. So claim me, if it’ll make you feel better. I’ll be yours just like how you’re mine.”

You gulp. Steve’s all about grand gestures and sweet words, but could he really mean it? When he’s barely said anything this whole time you’ve poured your frustrations out to him? For a moment, a wild nano-second, the feral omega within you wants to surge forward and bite him hard, claim him how he claimed you that fateful night a month or so ago. Make him hurt how he made you hurt the night he claimed you. Make him yours, and maybe, just maybe, you’d finally be happy?

But then you wilt, like all your feelings have rushed to a standstill and taken a nosedive down to the depths of your own mind. Dark doubts, insecurities, mistrust, hopelessness – all of that seems to overtake any innate desire you have to mate him right back. Clearly, the bond you both shared meant nothing to him when he’d cheated on you. What difference could your measly bite-mark on his neck really make?

“Make me yours.” He repeats.

“You’ll never be mine.” You shrink back within yourself, like a candle that’s been snuffed out, or a balloon that’s slowly deflating.

Steve blinks as if he can’t quite believe it, and you feel a peculiar wavering in your bond. “I don’t understand,” He says slowly, “I’m giving you permission to mark me, omega. Not anyone else, just you. So do it. Mark me.”

You bow your head, shaking it slowly, “I’m tired, Steve.”

There’s a certain pull that you feel in your bond with him, a heaviness in the connection you share. You’ve never felt it before. Hurt. It’s almost as if he’s hurt. Could Steve possibly be hurt? But the feeling is fleeting, glimmering slightly before disappearing altogether, making you think you imagined it to begin with.

No more words are shared between you as he helps you to your feet, wrapping his large black towel around you before guiding you back to the bedroom. Like you’re a kicked and injured puppy who needs him. You wonder if you’ll ever not need him.

You feel nothing as he pulls his old football jersey over your head. It’s your favourite one, the one with all the holes in it that smells so much like him. His lucky jersey, he’d told you once. But even the omega inside of you has quietened down, and you still feel so numb. Numb and cold. And hopeless. Even the bed doesn’t bring you any comfort as Steve tucks you in.

He sits by your side, stroking your hair. You struggle to keep your eyes open, the dark depths of sleep tugging you in, and you wonder what fresh nightmares await inside your head. Steve leaving you? Leaving you and your unborn child? You’re already half asleep when you think you hear him speak again, in an oddly gentle tone:

“When I kissed her, I closed my eyes and pretended it was you.” A pause, as if he’s mulling whether to say his next words, “You’re all I think about – and I think about you so goddamned much, it feels like I’m going insane. I can’t even look at another girl, all I see is you.”

It’s through the throes of sleep that you answer:

“Don’t believe you, Steve. Don’t trust you. How can we raise a chil–”

But even in your half-asleep state, your voice knows to trail off. You know what you were about to say: How can we raise a child together when I don’t even trust you? But you can’t tell him about the baby, not when everything is so uncertain.

Sleep pulls you into unconsciousness. Dark and quiet, you dream of nothing.

***

The next few days feel like you’re living in some sort of limbo, with things between you and Steve quieter than a pin dropping. There seems to be change in the foreboding alpha who used to make your heart stop every time he looked at you. Now, he teeters between a range of different emotions. Like masks – quickly exchanging one for the other. Wary – as if you’re made out of glass. Apologetic – except he’s yet to actually say sorry. Cautious – as if he thinks you might do something to hurt yourself. Angry – not directly at you but it scares you anyways.

And sometimes you don’t recognise him – but did you ever truly know him to begin with? And you also don’t recognise yourself. You feel like a snuffed-out candle and you don’t know what to do with yourself. Steve’s room suddenly feel suffocating, but where else are you supposed to go?

But it’s like there’s an invisible barrier stopping you from leaving his room. The fear of running into Bucky is the biggest barrier, and so everything else comes to a standstill. Cleaning, laundry, all the little things you used to do around the house for Steve and yourself. Things you didn’t even realise had become routine until now. You barely go into the kitchen anymore, with Steve now bringing food up to his bedroom for the two of you.

Soon, your end-of-year exams finish, and looking out onto campus through your window, you can see other students packing up and leaving. Laughing and hugging their parents who show up in pick-up trucks and moving vans. Friends saying tearful goodbyes because everyone’s going home for the summer. Is that what you should do? Go home? When your mother hasn’t given you a call in more than a few months now?

One day, you’re staring listlessly out the window when you hear a knock on the door. Turning your head ever-so-slightly, your eyes meet with Sam’s.

“Steve isn’t here.”

“I know. I wanted to speak to you.” Sam steps into the room, leaving the door slightly ajar behind him. Your breath hitches in your throat, and the alpha scoffs when you get up and take a step backwards, “Relax. I’m not going to hurt you.”

It’s less a fear of Sam and more a fear of something bad inevitably happening that makes you swallow harshly. Sam isn’t as bad as Bucky but he was still awful to you, still said the meanest things to you and had done nothing when Bucky locked you out of the house. So, your body is on high-alert as you gaze warily at him now.

“Go away.” You don’t want to beg him, but you don’t have the willpower to even try to be assertive anymore. It’s not like any of the alphas in this house ever listen to you, anyways. “Just go away, okay? I have nothing to say to you.”

Sam scowls at the floor, kicking the carpet before inhaling deeply and looking up to meet your eyes. Why is he here? To ridicule you? Berate you? Laugh at you? Do you even care anymore?

“I’m sorry, okay?” He blurts out, the words tumbling out of his mouth so quickly that you’re stunned for a second, unsure if you’ve heard him correctly. Sam himself looks stunned, and you get the feeling that he’s never apologised to anyone before, let alone an omega. And nobody’s ever apologised to you before, not any of the alphas who’ve bulled you. Not Steve. And certainly not Bucky.

Sam takes a step closer to you, and this time you don’t flinch away.

“Look, I won’t pretend I’m a saint, okay? I know I’ve never been nice to you… But things went too far the other day and I’m man enough to admit that.” He’s still speaking fast, as if he wants to get it all out before he changes his mind.

Should you trust him?

“And I don’t know what the fuck came over Bucky that night,” Sam continues, shoving his hands in his pockets, “Usually he’s the nicest out of the three of us. And I was high as fuck that night, I thought he’d let you in eventually, so I just went upstairs. But whatever, I’m not making any excuses for him or myself.”

You exhale slowly, willing yourself to look up at his face, search for even an ounce of laughter, or a twitch of a smile – any hint that this is all a sick joke.

“So, consider this an apology. And you don’t have to say anything, and you don’t have to forgive me. But just know that you won’t be getting that sort of treatment from me anymore.”

Silence. Except your mind’s working in overdrive: should you trust him? Should you believe him? Did you even want to forgive him? Does this apology make up for all the verbal abuse, berating and bullying that you’ve suffered, with him being one of the main perpetrators? Did his apology even matter anymore, when the damage was already done?

You never get a chance to respond because Steve walks in at that very moment. The blond alpha freezes at the doorway, a bouquet of yellow roses clenched in his hand and a frown quickly forming on his face. His blue eyes narrow as he looks from you to Sam, who’s standing only about a foot away from you.

“Get away from her before I fucking kill you.”

There’s a flurry of movement, the yellow roses drop to the floor and it takes Steve only two strides to cross the room and stand between you and the other alpha.

Sam raises an eyebrow, “Chill out. I only came in here to–”

“Get out.” Steve is curt and seething at the same time, and for a moment it looks like Sam’s about to square up. He opens his mouth to speak before clamping it shut and shaking his head.

“I’m so fucking done with this bullshit.” Sam says under his breath before exiting the room, leaving you alone with the sound of Steve’s rapid breathing as your alpha whips around to stare you down. Your heart lurches when he grabs you by the shoulders, shaking you while those blue eyes never leave your face.

“You were gonna fuck him, weren’t you?”

Your jaw drops at how ludicrous his accusation is, how shockingly unbelievable.

“Wh-What? No, I wasn’t–”

“Don’t lie to me.” With clenched teeth and eyes that look half crazed, you see his pupils darting around as if trying to find the truth in your face. Jaw clenching and unclenching, he squeezes your shoulders and shakes you again, “Don’t think I don’t know what game you’re playing. You think you can cheat on me just because I cheated on you?”

“No–”

“You think you could ever get away with that?” Blonde hair falling over his forehead, eyes bloodshot with anger, he looks like he’s teetering at the edge of his own sanity. “You think you could just hook up with someone else as some sick form of revenge on me, do you?”

“Steve, no–”

“Where’s your phone?” Steve looks incensed, eyes scanning the room like a man possessed. Grabbing it from on top of the dresser, he goes through it quickly. Like he’s done a thousand times before, except this time it’s like he knows he’ll find something. You thank your lucky stars that you deleted the phone call with Peter from your call history – not that that counted as cheating in the slightest.

His frown grows deeper as he opens every app, scrolls through every chat, scours through your call logs. But you feel an eery since of calm – which is the opposite of Steve who looks like he’s about to explode with whatever mad anger that’s suddenly consumed him.

“Don’t you fucking think you can go behind my fucking back, you got that? Especially not with my friends, or that fucking scum beta ex of yours.” He throws your phone down on the bed, clearly having found zero evidence to back his absurd claims, but it doesn’t stop him from glowering at you.

“Listen to me very carefully, omega.” Steve scrunches your face between his thumb and fingers, his expression so intense it chills your blood. “You’re mine. I’m your alpha and I own you. That’s never going to change. If you ever cheat on me, I’ll kill him. And you too.”

He slams his lips against yours in a kiss so bruising, you feel your lips burn. And this kiss is different, you can almost taste the desperation as he moves his tongue against yours. As he holds you close to him so tightly that it hurts, and you can’t breathe, and you feel like he’s never going to let you go.

You fight the urge to kiss him back – because even now, that urge is still there. It’ll always be there. Palms press desperately against his hard chest in a bid to push him away.

“I wouldn’t do that to you!” You cry out as you pull away, “I would never deliberately hurt someone I care about, Steve. I’m not you!”

He lets go of you as suddenly as he’d grabbed you, breathing hard and still seething. And it’s almost like you’re really seeing him now. Steve, who was always so poised, so smooth as he clinically seamed his words together in the past. But now? The distant, crazed look in his eyes, the dishevelled features, hair unkempt, jaw tense, lips bitten and pursed. He’s always been beautiful but there’s an unpredictable edge to him now that maybe wasn’t there before.

Was the alpha losing control?

He backs away, fists clenched at his sides and that intense and crazed expression still on his face. You both stare at each other, it feels like your heart’s about to thud out of your chest. And then abruptly, he turns and strides out of the room, stepping over the bouquet of yellow roses that lay trampled and dejected on the ground.

***

The days all start looking the same. You’re so stationary in Steve’s room yet you feel like you’re running. Constantly running and hiding from the responsibility of the child growing inside of you. Tell him, tell alpha! He deserves to know! The omega inside of you shrieks and croons, but something’s stopping you from doing it. There’s a mountain of problems surrounding you and Steve – where would a baby fit in all of that?

The silence between the two of you grows louder as each day passes. Barely any words spoken, and a certain awkwardness that was never there before – certainly never from Steve himself. Yet despite all that, every night he holds you while you sleep. And every morning, you wake up in his warm embrace. And it’s only in those moments, in the quiet of the night with the weight of his arms around you, that you can pretend everything’s okay.

And then one day, Steve walks into the room and sits next to you on the bed. You think nothing of it, barely glancing at him before going back to examining the pattern of the duvet cover.

“Omega.” Steve says, but as usual he seems so far away. And it’s almost like you don’t have the energy to acknowledge him, even when he grabs your hand and squeezes it. It’s only when he says your name – your real name – that you look up. He barely ever calls you that.

“Have you eaten today?” He asks, a frown adorning his features when you shake your head listlessly. You’d attempted to go down to the kitchen earlier, but upon hearing Bucky’s voice you’d turned and come straight back into the bedroom, heart pitter-pattering and a sinking feeling in your chest.

He takes out a wrapped deli sandwich and a bottle of water from his gym bag. His blue eyes watch you like a hawk as you slowly take a sip of water and tear off a bit of the sandwich, chewing softly. It tastes like nothing, but you figure it’s better to just keep quiet and eat it – since you’re meant to be eating for two now anyways. And just that thought sends shivers down your spine – how long can you pretend not to acknowledge the existence of the baby growing inside of you? How long before you have to tell him?

Steve clears his throat, “Look, I know things have been…” His voice trails off as he watches you tear off tiny pieces of your sandwich, staring into your lap because you just can’t seem to look at him. He shifts around, and you feel a spark of unease in the bond you share with him.

“I got you something.” He says finally, reaching into his gym bag a second time, he takes something out and throws it into your lap.

The fur looks worn out and one ear is missing, and you can see the haphazard stitches on the teddy bear’s neck that hold it together. Not the neatest thread work, but it looks strong enough despite the head which is slightly lopsided. Coal black eyes shining bright as ever, and the same blue bow tie except now it has a few more loose threads than before.

“Steve Junior…” You breathe, running your fingers over the stuffie, and his fur feels just as soft as before. He looks so old, so worn out, pieced together and stitched so precariously but it’s him. As ridiculous as it sounds – he’s just a stuffed animal after all – but it’s him and now suddenly your mouth feels dry. You bring the stuffie up to your nose and you’re bathing in Steve’s alpha scent, so potent and rich and warm.

“It took me a while to find someone who’d fix him up.” Steve breaks the silence, scratching the back of his neck. You sneak a peek up at his face to find him scanning yours, as if gauging your reaction. “A lot of his cotton stuffing was dirty so I had to replace it. But the rest of him is all him, just as he was before. I thought of just buying you a new one, but I figured you’d appreciate this more.”

You nod slowly, stroking the top of Steve Junior’s head as if you can’t get enough of it. “You gathered up all the pieces from the kitchen floor?”

“Yes.”

It’s a monosyllabic answer, but his eyes say a lot more. At least, you think they do and you wish he’d verbalise it. Instead, with a hesitancy that was never there before, Steve slowly pulls you into his lap, holding you close against his chest, where you can feel the dull thud of his heartbeat. And you let yourself be held, feeling his alpha warmth that you haven’t felt in a while now.

Warm hands cup your face and make you look up at him. And it’s his tenderness that you can’t wrap your head around. Is this the same Steve who so vehemently accused you of cheating on him just days ago? Why was it always a different emotion with Steve? Always a different mask, as if he could switch them out so easily. What were you supposed to believe?

He kisses you like someone who’s parched, and again you feel that desperation on his lips. Before, his kisses were always so confident, self-assured, taking what he needed from you and leaving you breathless and reeling in the process. Now, he’s gentle. Handling you as if you’re made of glass. And it feels so foreign to you.

You let yourself kiss him back. Steve sighs and increases his pace, tongue swiping over your bottom lip, making you gasp before he gains entrance. His hands fall down to your hips at the same moment your arms wind around his neck. It’s frenzied movement and a blur of limbs, like two people who’ve suddenly realised they can’t get enough of each other after days of no contact.

“Fuck,” Steve mutters under his breath, squeezing your hips before his hand slips down between your legs, cupping your mound in his warm grip. You pant, jerking forward, squashing Steve Junior between both your bodies. You pull away long enough to prop your stuffie up on your pillow, making sure he’s sitting upright before Steve drags you back to him.

“You need me, don’t you?” He whispers fervently against your lips, biting and nipping while the heel of his palm grinds against your clothed pussy. “Tell me you need me.”

You do need him; you’ll always need him. It’s what terrifies you the most. But you try not to think, try to lose yourself in the feeling of his lips smattering kisses all over your jaw and moving down to your neck. He slips his hand into your panties, eliciting another gasp from you, and a jerk from your hips that can’t help but want him.

You start moving against his hand, riding it while he slips a finger inside you. Your slippery pussy swallowing his digit as if you’re starved, walls so needy that they constrict around him and you moan, grabbing at his shoulders, wanting to feel more of him. Nothing’s solved, nothing’s okay – but he’s made you so addicted to his touch that, for a second, it doesn’t even seem to matter.

His hands have snaked up your shirt, palm pressing against your belly like how he always used to do before. Except now it’s different, now it makes your eyes widen and a cold panic rise in the pit of your stomach. Again, the picture plays behind your eyes: you, alone with your baby. Dark and dreary, and Steve’s nowhere to be found. He’s gone. He’s left you. Did he kiss that other omega like this?

“STOP!”

You push hard against his chest, the force of the blow surprising both of you. You scramble off him, hands shaking and you can still feel his burning kiss on your lips, and his touch on your body too. You back away slowly, shaking your head and breathing hard.

“I can’t, I–” Your eyes dart to Steve’s face, and he’s looking up at you with what looks to be concern, as if he’s just kicked an already injured puppy. Repeatedly, you shake your head, “I’m sorry, I just… I just can’t!”

Running to the bathroom, you slam the door shut and that’s when the tears spurt out and you’re sobbing and sobbing. It seems like you’re always crying – as if the self-pity will just never end – but it’s like you can’t stop. Why couldn’t you just become okay again?

Everything is okay! The omega inside you screeches. He fixed Steve Junior! It shows he cares! Everything’s okay now!

If everything was okay, then why did nothing feel fine at all?

Staring at your reflection in the mirror, you see an omega who is weak and broken. Red eyes, bitten nails, puffy face. Hair unkempt, hands shaking pathetically, clothes crumpled. Was this the omega who was meant to keep Steve happy? Was this the omega who was going to have his baby? You cradle your stomach as rivulets of tears flow down your face.

“What are we gonna do?” You whisper softly, your sobs making your words almost indecipherable. “I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do.”

You don’t hear the thud of the footsteps, only the crash of the bathroom door as it’s thrown open, Steve striding towards you and grabbing your shoulders before you have a chance to even cower.

“What’s wrong with you?” He roars, but there’s desperation in his anger as he shakes you by the shoulders.

“I don’t know!”

“What’s it going to take to get you to go back to how you were before?”

“I DON’T KNOW!”

You flinch when he draws his hand back, wondering if this is it. If he’s finally run out of whatever patience he had up until this point and now you’re in for it. You brace yourself for the inevitable blow, taking a deep breath and willing yourself to disassociate from the pain. But you only see Steve looking at you incredulously, his hand slowly curling into a fist by his side.

“I wouldn’t hit you.”

He looks almost appalled, staring down at his own fist for a handful of tense seconds, during which you can hear the sounds of your own rapid breathing and every single beat of your heart too.

“It wouldn’t matter if you did.” You say it softly, more to yourself than to him.

As if exhausted of all his options, Steve’s grip on you loosens. Blue eyes boring into yours, reflecting the helplessness that you can also detect in your bond.

“I told you to forget about it.” His hands cup your face again, thumbs swiping away your tears. “Why can’t you just forget about that night, why can’t you just let me make you happy?”

More than anything, you wish you had an answer for him.

***  

Despite talking lesser and lesser and slowly becoming strangers by day, the magnetic pull between the two of you increases at night. Where it’s dark and warm and you can pretend it’s all okay, that’s when Steve holds you and you let yourself be held by him every single night.

Which is why you wake up with a start, on the bed completely empty besides you and the newly resurrected Steve Junior.  A glance at your phone tells you it’s past midnight – so, where’s Steve? Blindly, you reach out for him – but he’s not there and, despite everything, this troubles you.

He’s left you, the dark voice at the back of your head cackles. You thought you could get away with being upset with him for this long, and now he’s left you, just like he said he would if you got out of line.

You’re not even fully awake before you’re on your feet, trying to keep your dizziness at bay. It’s another symptom of your pregnancy, another reminder of the secret you’re holding inside of you, another reminder that you need to tell someone. But right now, all you can focus on is where is Steve?

You find him on the small balcony that overlooks the back of the house. Elbows resting on the railing and blonde hair looking silver in the moonlight. He looks back as if he senses you, cigarette between his lips and a cloud of smoke surrounding him before he turns his back to you once more.

Before you can change your mind and go back to bed, you venture forward to stand beside the alpha, heart thudding as it always does whenever you’re near him. After days of his hot and cold behaviour and your own depleting moods, you realise you don’t know how to act around him or what to say. A gust of cold wind blows and you shiver, but it gives you this sudden burst of courage to speak.

“You shouldn’t smoke so much.” You blurt out. It’s the only thing you can think of to say; you’ve seen Steve smoke here and there a few times, at parties or gatherings with his friends. But never at home, in the middle of the night, with two empty beer cans rolling around by his feet.

To your surprise, Steve puts the cigarette out. Dropping it to the floor and stomping on it before turning away from you to exhale the final puff of smoke. You watch as it swirls into the night air, dissipating almost immediately.

“Sharon used to say that a lot.” He remarks, and hearing his ex’s name on his tongue feels like a punch to your gut – he’s never voluntarily mentioned her before. You turn around to leave, but his next words stop you short. “It’s funny, because I never gave a fuck about what she said. Or any of the other girls I was with.” He looks at you squarely, “I cheated on all of them too. And I never thought anything of it.”

It feels like there’s needles in your throat when you swallow, tumbling all the way down to your stomach and tearing you up from the inside out. Why is he telling you this?

“I thought it would be the same with you. You’re just an omega after all, why should I care about what you say or how you feel?” The full moon’s reflecting in his eyes, giving them an alien silver glow that makes him look like a stranger. And maybe he is a stranger, because he’s never opened up like this with you before.

“But I do.” He says it so quietly, it almost gets lost in the night air. Another gust of chilly wind has your teeth chattering, goosebumps covering your bare arms as you stand there and stare at him in only your nightgown. You don’t protest when Steve shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over your shoulders, smoothening the lapels and his fingers linger at your collarbone. For a split second, he leans closer, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply before sighing.

“I’ve hurt girls in the past and I’ve never cared. But you…” He turns back, looking over the balcony railing, and you wait a few beats, your mind silently urging him to finish his thought.

“I thought I could cheat on you and things would be fine after that. That I’d scare you into acting right and we’d just go back to how things were.” The words tumble out of his mouth quickly, as if he’s spitting them out before his ego catches up and swallows them back into his brain.

“Sharon warned me about you.” You blurt out.

His head whips around, faster than the frenzied winds that surround the two of you, “You spoke to her?”

“I–I didn’t believe her. I didn’t want to believe her because I liked you so much.”

“I know you did.” Steve cocks his head to the side, looking at you almost curiously. The stars dance in his eyes, and tufts of his blonde hair blow up with the strong wind, “How could you like me that much, despite everything?”

You don’t know what to say. How could you like him that much? Despite everything he’d done to you? Was it because the forced mating compelled you to feel things for him? No – your feelings were more complex than that. They’ve been there since the beginning, when he would bully you and you wished to God that he would like you. To after he mated you, and how you’d persuaded yourself that he’d changed, that he did like you now. To when he confessed to cheating, and your whole world broke down…

It's less of a realization and more of a fact: you like Steve a lot – more than Peter and more than your mother. Because you could live without Peter and you could even live without your mother. But you don’t think you could ever live without Steve.

When you don’t answer, Steve sucks in his breath and looks away again, “You’re pure, you know? The way you act, how good you are. And it… confuses me.”

You have to grip the railing hard to keep yourself rooted in reality – was Steve genuinely confiding in you?

“I’ve never second-guessed myself before.” He says after a long, long pause. As if he’s got a script pictured in his mind and he keeps mentally rewriting it and scratching things out. “But you… You make me second-guess everything.” It sounds like an accusation, but a resigned one; and you focus on his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. “I shouldn’t have made you think I was going to leave you. Because I won’t. Ever. I can promise you that right now.”

You nod, tentatively taking a step towards him and he mirrors your actions, his hand reaching up to stroke your cheek. It’s instinctive when you lean into his touch, feel the rough pads of his fingers rub against the soft skin of your face. He traces your cheekbones, and he’s so gentle. You wish you could freeze this moment, because Steve’s emotions are like the changing tide. Would he be this tender tomorrow or the day after – or even two minutes from now?

“You should go back to bed.” He says abruptly, as if on cue.

Why is your heart sinking? Why do you want to stay? But you listen to him anyway, a large part of you will always listen to him, always want to be good for him. And it’s when you’re a good few steps away that you hear him clear his throat.

“Omega?”

“Yes, Steve?”

“I’m sorry. For all of it.”

A coolness spreads across your chest, like a pleasant, soothing balm that calms you from the inside out. Your heart steadies, and you feel like you can breathe again.

***

“He’s not in his room, Steve.”

“I don’t fucking care.”

“He’s our running back, we need him. Especially today.”

“Jensen can play his position. Now let’s just fucking go.”

Behind the closed door of your bedroom, you can hear Steve and Sam’s muffled voices out in the hallway. You don’t mean to eavesdrop, but the two of them seem to be growing collectively louder and louder.

The tension seems to be running high between the two of them – you’ve hardly seen them speak since the day Sam apologised to you and Steve exploded on him. But the two alphas seem even more stressed out today, with the final football match of the season against a rival college in less than a few hours.

“Jensen can’t play as good as Bucky.” Sam quips.

“Bucky’s not here.” Steve says through clenched teeth, “He’s probably out somewhere, either passed out or hungover. And we don’t have time to start a manhunt for him so let’s just go.”

The bedroom door bursts open and you freeze as Steve storms in past you. The two of you haven’t spoken since last night when he’d apologised on the balcony. Granted, he’d been busy all day prepping for the game tonight – last minute workouts and strategizing with his team. And you had about three loads of laundry to get through since you’d been neglecting things like that for the past few weeks now.

And yet the lack of contact between the two of you made you wonder whether he was already regretting his apology. Or worse – what if he was going to pretend that he never apologised at all?

If anything, Steve seems more riled up and on edge now than ever, rummaging through the already messy bedroom (you had neglected cleaning too, and it’s not like Steve himself ever cleaned). “Where the fuck is it??” He murmurs under his breath, tossing clothes out of the closet and onto the floor.

“Wh-What are you looking for?” You ask him quietly, wondering whether he can detect the awkwardness in your tone. Sure, he’d apologised – but where do the two of you stand now? In some awkward limbo between “okay” and “not okay”?

Steve sighs, stepping away from the closet and grabbing his gym bag. Slinging it over his shoulder, he makes his way over to you.

“Nothing.” He murmurs, reaching out to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear. You gulp, wanting to say something, anything. Maybe wish him luck for the game? But you’re too shy, lips feeling like they’re glued together and heart beating harder than ever. Steve opens his mouth to say something else, and then–

“STEVE, LET’S GO!” Sam bellows from downstairs.

Steve leaves without another word.

You spend the day doing all the chores you’d neglected for the past few weeks. It’s crazy to you how much of a difference two words can bring about. You’d spent the past few weeks lying listlessly in bed, feeling numbingly indifferent half the time and cripplingly stressed out for the other half. And you’re still stressed – how can you not be? Pregnant within your first year of college and you still haven’t told a soul.

But it’s somewhat easier now to make a mental list of everything – washing and drying three hampers of clothes (you wonder if you can put Steve Junior in the washing machine but after seeing the precarious stitches on his neck, you conclude that handwashing him would be safer). You also venture downstairs to clean the kitchen (and it’ll never cease to shock you, what a mess three alphas can make).

It's only when you’re deep into cleaning the bedroom that the vacuum cleaner catches on something poking out from under Steve’s side of the bed. A rectangular book with a black velvet cover – it seems unassuming enough yet it piques your curiosity anyways. Maybe because it’s got Steve’s scent all over it.

You expect blank pages – Steve’s not the type to make notes – but nothing could truly prepare you for what you actually see when you open the book.

It’s you.

Over and over again. Drawn on one page, then again on the next. You flip five pages down, and there you are again. Different renditions of you on almost every single page and the book is more than half filled up. You in pencil sketches, you in watercolour; there’s one of you with a pen in hand, clearly taking notes. Another of you sitting under a tree, drinking from a juice-box, one of you on your phone, and plenty more of you studying – always wearing your oversized hoodie.

The most recent one is of you sleeping, wearing his jersey with the holes in it and Steve Junior clutched tightly in your arms. It’s with shaky breath that you trace a trembling finger over the masterful strokes, admiring the accuracy of the teddy bear’s blue bow tie – all the way down to the loose threads! And the attention to detail is astounding – your hair, your skin, the slight furrow between your brows…

It's a lot to take in. Had Steve drawn these? He must have! You didn’t even know Steve could draw like this because never once had he done it in front of you. And how long had he had this book for? There were so many drawings – was it from before you and him got together? Carefully, you close the sketchbook and place it neatly back under the bed.

Almost as if you’re in a trance, you walk around to your own side of the bed to where your little makeshift nest is. What’s left of it anyways, since you haven’t really kept up with the upkeep and right now all it consists of is your teddy bear and Steve’s jersey with the holes in it.

His lucky jersey. Was that what he’d been looking for earlier?

Steve Junior looks at you with his coal black eyes as if conveying to you exactly what you’re thinking. Thoughts racing, you stroke his fur softly, the action reminding you of the rare occasions when Steve would fall asleep before you with his face buried in the crook of your neck. When you’d card your fingers through his hair because you were too shy to do it when he was awake.

You feel the sudden urge to do it now as you hold onto his lucky jersey. The one he was looking for. The one he probably needs right now. Right?

Grabbing your phone to check the time, you find that it’s already early evening – the game would be almost over by now. Could you possibly make it in time? Would this even be worth it?

You seem to have made up your mind before you can even begin to answer any of those questions.

***

“Let her in, that’s the quarterback’s girlfriend.”

Getting into the college stadium is easier than you thought it would be. In fact, it’s surprisingly easy, as if the universe is paving a path for you straight to Steve. You thought your significance at university was that of an ant surrounded by giants – but the guys hanging by the ticket booth recognise you immediately, one of them even offering to personally take you inside.

“You should go to the box by the front, that’s where all the girlfriends hang out.”

Never in your life have you been to a college football game before – or a football game of any variety for that matter. Feeling completely out of your depth, you put all your faith into this guy you’ve just met as he guides you through the waves and waves of people. You try your hardest to swallow down your anxiety – you hate large crowds – your nails digging into your palms while your heart races, already wondering whether coming here was a mistake.

“I’m Colin, by the way.” The guy says before pausing to look up at the gigantic scoreboard, “Uh-oh. We’re still down by a few points. That’s why I was outside, couldn’t handle the pressure – even as just a spectator.”

Down by a few points? You clutch Steve’s lucky jersey harder between your fingers, wondering what exactly you thought you’d accomplish by coming here. The game was in full swing – it’s not like you could toss the jersey into the field and hope Steve would notice and pick it up.

“I just think today’s a bad day for the team,” Colin explains, “Steve seems distracted – well, that’s what my friend Jake told me. Jake’s on the team too, but he’s usually on reserve. Except he’s playing today because Bucky didn’t show up, and if you ask me–”

Colin’s voice drowns out as your nerves go into overdrive. Slowly, after ages of weaving through a very intense and rowdy crowd, the two of you make it to a cluster of seats in the front row. A bunch of cheerleaders are standing there in a group, biting their nails with frowns and looks of concern etched on their faces – the girlfriends.

You gulp, glancing down at your own attire and knowing you’ll stick out like a sour thumb. All your new clothes that Steve had bought you were currently in the washing machine – leaving you with the one piece of clothing that you hadn’t worn in a long time. Your oversized hoodie.

Not that it matters right now.

“Well, there you go. Front row seats to all the action – although it’s looking pretty bleak right now, so I’d look away if I was you.” Colin grimaces, glancing at the scoreboard once more. “We’re down by five points and there isn’t much time left on the clock.”

You manage a tight smile, feeling like a tiny fish inside the Pacific Ocean. “Thank you for helping me, Colin.” You say softly.

“No worries.” Colin’s already walking away – clearly, he has no faith left in this game, “Oh, and please don’t tell Steve I spoke to you, okay? He’s probably going to be in a bad mood when – if – we lose this game, and he usually takes his anger out on Jake or me, and this’ll just make it worse, and–”

And then he’s gone, and you make your way past the cluster of cheerleaders, whispering out a soft “excuse me” every time you make eye contact with one of them. They all look you up and down, but thankfully don’t say anything as you walk over to the front, where you now have a clear view of the field.

Steve’s got his team in a huddle, yelling out instructions that you can’t hear. He’s in his blue jersey with his helmet under his arm, blonde hair fluffy and messy and his face pale yet flushed at the same time. And he does look stressed and distracted just how Colin had said. Would he be angry if his team lost? Would he be mad at you for coming? With Steve, one never really knew what to expect, and you suddenly feel extremely foolish, standing here in your ill-fitted hoodie with a jersey full of holes in your hands.

All the players take their positions for the final few minutes of the game. From your limited understanding of football, you can tell that the stakes are very high. The girl next to you can’t stop biting her nails and clutching onto her friend’s arm.

Your eyes are trained on Steve, focused only on him despite the fact that there’s ten other players wearing the same blue jersey and helmet as him. That’s when you feel the mark on your neck suddenly prickle, and Steve’s heard jerks up at that exact moment as if on cue, turning back to look directly at you.

His face is obscured by his helmet, but it makes your breath catch in your throat all the same. Like it did every time he’d strut into the lecture hall, every time you’d see him in the hallways, and those times when he’d show up to your dorm room. He’s yards away from you, but you shoot him a small smile – it’s the first time you’ve smiled at him in a long time now and you wonder if he can even see it.

The whistle blows and there’s a flurry of movement. For a handful of seconds which feel like ages, you don’t even know where the ball is. Everything’s moving so fast, and a glance up at the gigantic timer shows you there’s barely any time left. But the seconds feel like hours, the anticipation growing high not only within you but in the crowd around you. You lean forward over the rails, eyes scanning the field and you see a blur of blue with a handful of players chasing behind it.

You don’t think you’ve ever seen Steve run so fast, yard after yard, as if he’s racing against the clock – which he is. And then his teammate – all the way from the other end – heaves the ball downfield. You see it soaring in the air, so quick that it’s easy to miss. And there’s mere seconds left on the clock, and there’s about four defenders surrounding Steve but he’s gotten past the goal line, and he jumps up, and –

There’s a split second of silence before the stadium erupts in cheers. You realise you’d been holding your breath, and you blink several times before you see the ball in Steve’s hands, hoisted up high. And he’s cleared the goal line, and his teammates are charging at him, whooping in the air.

“I can’t believe it!” The cheerleader next to you screeches in glee, grabbing her friend as they both jump up and down, “A touchdown! We won!”

And sure enough, the huge screen at the front flashes “touchdown!” in huge block letters, and everyone seems to be beside themselves. You exhale in relief, the cheerleaders’ infectious excitement rubbing off on you as you can’t help but smile. Steve is swarmed by his team, and they lift him up. And now you can see him more clearly, see when his eyes zero in on you.

On the shoulders of his teammates, but he’s looking directly at you. You want to give him a little wave but you feel too shy, and you wonder whether you should leave now since he’d obviously want to celebrate with his team. But, as if he somehow senses your intentions, it takes Steve about a millisecond to get back down on the ground, and then he breaks into a run – straight towards you!

You grip onto the railing in anticipation, and Steve crosses the distance in almost record time. There are people in the crowd who’ve invaded the pitch, congratulating his teammates and staring after him as he makes a beeline towards you. Wide-eyed, you stare as he gets closer and closer, his cheeks flushed pink and chest puffed out as he comes to a stop in front of you.

“You’re here.” He says, slightly out of breath.

“Y-Yeah, you’re uh–” You’re suddenly at a loss for words, but you hold up his lucky jersey as if that’s a sufficient enough explanation. Clearing your throat, you add: “Congratulations, Steve. You played really well.”

He stares at you for a moment, and then before you know what’s happening, his hands wrap around your hips, lifting you up over the barrier and into his arms. You squeak, arms instinctively winding around his neck and your legs wrap around his waist.

He kisses you, and there’s an explosion of summer sunshine behind your eyes and all around you. The scent of firewood and an intense summer day interweaves through all your senses – all you can taste, smell, breathe is him. And it’s you who pulls him closer, returning his kiss with double the enthusiasm, your lips working against his as if you’re willingly ready to be consumed in him.

Steve draws back, only to kiss you again. One peck, another peck, and then one of his hands slips up and cups your cheek, pulling your face even closer as his tongue probes against yours and he sucks sweetly on your bottom lip, leaving you breathless yet wanting even more when he suddenly pulls away.

“I love you.”

The words seem to burst out of him – and it seems like both of you stop breathing as soon as he says it. As if you’re both encased in this bubble and the people around you don’t matter and those three words are bouncing around the confines of this bubble, echoing and growing louder, embracing you like a hug.

And your whole world stops. There are hundreds of people around you but they all seem to freeze in place, and you can hear your heart thumping to the same beat as his. And his eyes are clear blue and earnest, and you can see your reflection in them. Shocked, surprised, caught off guard yet every cell in your body rapidly filling up with hope.

“Don’t say that…” You breathe, “D-Don’t say things you don’t mean.” Or else I’ll believe you.

“I mean it.” Steve presses his forehead against yours, gripping you so tightly that you feel like you can’t breathe – but in a good way. “I mean it, omega. I’m in love with you.”

He savours each word as he says it, and you feel this hot and cold feeling – rushes of it – throughout your body. Sparks in the pit of your tummy like tiny butterflies fluttering excitably, or firecrackers ready to erupt in a shower of what feels like pure happiness. You feel light, like you could float forever as his words keep repeating inside your head like a song.

Up until this moment, you’ve second-guessed almost every single word he’s said to you. But why aren’t you second-guessing this? Why is your whole body trusting and believing him, erupting in elation as he holds you close? He loves you. Steve loves you! Love! You don’t think anyone’s ever told you they’ve loved you before. Or made you feel this strange feeling; this heady mixture of wanting to laugh and wanting to cry, of feeling so overwhelmed and yet so at home, and, and and–

“Steve, I’m pregnant.”

The words leave your mouth before you can stop them. And maybe you don’t want to stop them anymore, because the relief you feel is almost instantaneous.

And Steve stares at you for the longest time, and you focus on the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes rapidly, pink lips parted slightly as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing. For one horrific second, you think he’s going to drop you and leave, and take his “I love you” back and tell you it’s over. But he holds you even tighter, and you realise you’re moving as he walks the two of you to a door off to the side, leading to the changing rooms.

Once inside, he sets you down gently on your feet and pins you against the wall, trapping you against his considerably larger frame, looking down at you with an almost foreign look on his face, as if he can’t quite grasp what you’re saying.

“You’re pregnant?” He repeats.

“Yes, I am.”

“Pregnant.” Steve says it again, more to himself than to you, cupping your face, his thumbs stroking your cheekbones lightly. “My omega. Pregnant.”

“Yes.” The more you confirm it and the more he says it, the realer it seems. But it’s crazy how much less scary the prospect of pregnancy sounds when the word is coming out of his mouth. “I took three tests; they all came out positive. My period never came–”

His lips press against yours in a heady kiss that leaves you reeling, and he’s holding you so tightly that you feel light-headed. “My girl carrying my baby, just like I said you would.” Steve whispers against your lips. A smile breaks out across his face, “Baby, you’ve made me so proud.”

Proud. He’s proud. Proud of you.  

He gets down on his knees in front of you, your breath catching in your throat because he’s so big. Even on his knees, his face is level with your chest. His hands, so big and warm, trail softly down your figure – the gentlest he’s ever been. Fingers splayed out and stroking carefully over your stomach, he lifts your hoodie up and presses his face against your soft, exposed skin.

“You’re so tiny,” he breathes, almost in wonder. “So little… How’re you gonna carry my baby inside you when you’re so little?”

Your chest rises as you inhale deeply, a soft whisper of “I don’t know…” leaving your mouth.

Butterfly-light kisses trail up and down your stomach, his lips dragging against your skin, tongue peeking out to lick, nip and suck at your belly – as if he wants to devour you. You get the strong urge to card your fingers through his hair, but you’re so shy that you hesitate, jerking forward instead when the tip of his tongue probes inside your belly button.

Steve looks up, the wonder in his eyes now replaced with a familiar, devilish sparkle.

“I always knew I’d knock you up before the year was over.” He boasts cockily, one hand still firmly stroking your stomach like he’s grown addicted to the feeling. “Didn’t I say it from day one? That I was gonna fuck my baby into you? And now look at you, knocked up like the good, dutiful omega I knew you’d be under my wing.”

He sounds how he did before, the same cocky Steve. But there’s an underlying lightness to his words, this infectious excitement that’s so different from your own cold fear of being pregnant.

“You don’t think it’s too soon, Steve? I mean, I don’t think I’m ready–”

“You’re ready.” He interrupts you, words spoken between kisses against your stomach – it seems like he can’t refrain from kissing you there – “It’s an omega’s duty to have her alpha’s babies, and didn’t I say I’ve got a plan? You, me, and my baby – it’s all coming together now.”

“B-But what about college? You’re graduating now but I’ve still got two more years left, and–”

“You don’t have to worry about any of that anymore.” Steve cuts you off again, standing up to his full height so you have to crane your neck to look up at him. With his shoulder pads on, he looks even bigger than usual, “Didn’t I say I’d take care of you?”

Your concerns are swallowed up by his kiss, and his hand slips down to hook under your thighs. He picks you up easily, and he’s so strong; he only needs one arm to carry you, his other hand cupping your face and pulling you in for another kiss – as if he can’t seem to get enough.

“Poor little baby omega,” He coos, laying you down on a nearby bench and climbing on top of you. You can hear the roar of the crowd close by, everyone celebrating this monumental win for the football team. You know for a fact there are people milling about near you. Steve is undeterred, however, kissing down your neck as he pushes your hoodie up to expose your chest.

“You must’ve been so stressed, huh baby?” More kisses as he unclasps your bra and pulls it off hastily, throwing it somewhere behind him as his eyes zero in on your bare breasts.

“Y-Yeah, I was.” You can’t help but sniffle, sounding small and pathetic but you can’t help it. Telling Steve about the baby feels like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders, the agonising stress inside your head easing bit by bit as Steve’s large hands squeeze and grope your tits roughly.

“Don’t worry, sweet girl. You don’t have to worry about anything anymore. I know your little brain is tired from thinking so much, now you just leave all the thinking to daddy, okay? All you have to focus on is being a mommy.” He buries his face in your breasts, nuzzling and inhaling your soft skin, squeezing and pushing your tits together till they hurt while you whimper beneath him.

“St-Steve, someone might – ah! – someone might see us!”

“Shhh, didn’t I just tell you not to worry about anything?” He takes your hoodie off completely, and now you’re topless and completely at your alpha’s mercy. He grins wolfishly down at you, “Now, did you know that pregnant baby omegas like yourself are meant to feed their alphas too?”

Your eyes pop open, “Wh-What?”

Steve smirks, palming your tits roughly before rubbing one of your stiff nipples between his thumb and forefinger. You’re half enamoured by the thrill of it, and half paranoid that someone’s going to walk in and see all this, but Steve doesn’t seem to care.

“You didn’t know that you’re meant to feed daddy too? God, you really are a baby, aren’t you?” He pinches your nipple before his tongue peaks out and licks around it, making it even more erect. “All pregnant omegas have to let their alphas have a taste of their milk.”

“I haven’t – ah! – I haven’t read about that anywhere!” You try not to moan.

“That’s because you’re just a baby,” Steve coos before encasing your nipple in his mouth and giving suckling on it not so gently. And the action sends thrills straight down to your core, making you gasp breathlessly and clutch onto his broad shoulders. He releases your nipple with a pop, “Now omega, are you gonna let daddy drink your little mommy milk?”

You squirm, “Y-Yes?”

He twists your nipple roughly, “Say it, then.”

“Y-Yes, you can drink it.”

Another pinch. “Say it properly.”

“Yes, you can drink my mommy milk!” You cry out.

Steve smiles, pulling your cheek condescendingly, “Good girl. Not that I would need your permission, since you’re mine after all.” He gives your nipple a feather-light kiss before encasing it between his lips again, teeth grazing against the sensitive bud.

“And address me properly, or I’ll call the whole football team and make them watch while I fuck you.” You can feel him harden at the thought, “I’ll show them exactly how I knocked you up in the first place.”

“Daddy…” you whine, “N-Not in front of anyone, please!”

Steve licks his lips as his eyes drink you in, like a carnal wolf admiring his prey. His gaze focuses on between your legs, his hangs grabbing at your thighs and spreading them apart. Lewdly, he cups your mound and you automatically buck your hips upwards, making him smirk at your neediness. Grinding the heel of his palm against your clothed pussy, you want to hide your face in embarrassment when you see the wet patch forming on your leggings.

“You’re going to be so much hornier now that you’re pregnant,” He breathes, looking at the wet spot between your legs as if he’s entranced. Suddenly, he strikes you; palm slapping against your clothed pussy while his other hand holds your legs apart. You gasp, sparks of pleasure flaring up inside you as he repeatedly slaps your clothed cunt.

“Tell me, baby omega. Who knocked you up?”

“Y-You did!” You cry out desperately, trying to clamber upwards to grab at his shoulders except he easily pins you back down. His head dips down too, straight between your legs till he’s face to face with your pussy. And you wish to God your leggings and panties weren’t in the way, but Steve doesn’t seem to care. His tongue peaks out past his pink lips, licking a stripe up your covered cunt, and you convulse, “Oh fuck!”

“Tell me how you got knocked up, baby.” Steve speaks against your pussy, and you can feel his hot breath through the thin material of your leggings. He lets out a hum before he takes the material between his lips, sucking at the wet spot and making you throb down there, “Tell me how I filled up your little baby cunt and fucked my baby into you.”

You hesitate, and earn a harsh slap to your ass that has you hissing in pain. “Say it!”

“Y-You filled up my baby cunt and knocked me up!” You cry out desperately, rubbing your pussy against his face as he continues to suck your leggings, his nose grazing against your covered folds and making you want him so badly, it hurts. “Daddy – ah! – y-you fucked your baby into me, okay? P-Please!”

It’s insane how quickly he renders you to be delirious, but after weeks of not being intimate with him, it’s like this is exactly what you need. The depravity, the filth, the fear that just about anyone could walk in at any moment. And it’s also the pride you see in his face – alpha is proud of you for getting pregnant, and that just makes you want him even more.

“You’re just a tiny little baby,” Steve sits back up, looking down at you as if you’re some ravishing creature and not just a desperate omega practically humping against him, face contorted in need for her alpha. “How’re you growing my baby inside of you, when you’re a little fucking baby yourself, huh? Daddy’s little baby.”

He peels your leggings off, leaving you in just your panties in the changing rooms where anyone could walk in at any moment. Pressing kisses against your inner thighs, getting closer and closer to your core, and you’re wiggling underneath him, thrusting up into air because you’re so needy for him.

“I’m gonna take such good care of you, baby.” He breathes, sinking down to his knees on the side of the bench and grabbing your calves to pull you to the edge of it. His face between your thighs now, you can feel his hot breath against your panty-covered core. “Gonna keep you so happy. My little wife… I’ll give you everything you deserve.”

Your heart lurches at the word “wife.” He’s never referred to you as that before, but you don’t have the time to mull upon it when Steve’s teeth enclose around your wet panties, pulling them and letting the elastic stretch before he lets go and it snaps back against your pussy, making you whimper softly. He grins, taking the sodden fabric into his mouth again, this time sucking all your slick from the material while your eyes pop at the sight, pussy clenching around air.

“I love you, baby. You’ve made me so happy today. I want to make you happy too.” His voice is dripping with sweetness – and usually you’d be questioning: is he being sincere? Does he mean it? Should I trust him? But just hearing him say it, hearing him say “I love you,” it’s like it makes you stop thinking straight, makes you not want to question him, makes you want to believe him because what do you truly have left if you don’t believe him?

And maybe – just maybe – he does mean it.

“The mother of my child,” Steve coos, blowing cool air on your hot core, and your slick is dripping down to pool underneath you on the bench as he continues to finger the material of your panties, “Aren’t you happy that you’re pregnant, baby? Aren’t you happy that you made daddy so proud?”

You bite your lip, “H-Honestly, I’m scared– ah! – I’m too young, we’re both too young. There’re so many things we have to think about and consider, and– oh! Oh my God!”

Steve chooses that moment to rip your panties in half and dip his head down, pushing back the hood of your clit and encasing the throbbing button between his lips. He sucks down hard, and you automatically raise your hips to grind up against his face, leaving it glistening with streaks of your wetness. His hand lands an open-palmed slap against your bare pussy, the sound so lewd and wet as it echoes across the changing room.

“I asked you if you’re happy for making me proud.”

You gulp, hands reaching down to grab at his blonde tufts – something you’d been itching to do all day. Slowly, you nod your head. “Y-Yeah.” You whisper, “A-Always wanna make you proud.”

“Good girl. That’s what I thought.” He goes back to your clit, spitting down on it. His saliva pools around your button and he uses his thumb to spread it, circling and rubbing it around and around till you can’t take the intensity, and hump up against his hand. “I already told you not to think about anything else, except being a mommy and making me proud.”

Steve lifts your thighs up and props them over his shoulders, and your ankles automatically lock around him, encasing his head between your legs so he’s face to face with your core. And that’s when you feel his tongue, hard and pointed, flick against your clit, once, twice, three times till you’re crying out his name, your thighs already thrashing except his tight grip keeps them pinned to his shoulders.

“Look at your little button, all swollen up and cute.” Steve spits once more, his saliva trailing down your mound to pool around your clit once more. “You missed having your daddy make you feel good, didn’t you?”

“I…I, uh – Ow!” You gasp when he slaps your ass, the sound resonating across the room and you wonder why no one has walked in yet.

“I wasn’t asking you; I was asking her.” Steve licks his lips, looking straight at your glistening folds and using his pointed finger to swipe up and down your wetness. “Look at your little baby pussy, she’s crying because she’s so happy that daddy’s here to take care of her again.” And that’s all it takes for him to bury his face in your wetness once more, enveloping your sensitive folds between his lips and suctioning harshly.

“Mm, fuck, daddy!” You whimper softly, and he reaches up to squeeze your breast possessively.

Licking and sucking his way back up to your clit, his teeth graze against your swollen bundle of nerves, making you throb like crazy as the sparks begin to build up. “So fuckin’ puffy, just for daddy, huh?” He questions, and you gasp out in agreement, your movements getting needier and more desperate as you begin to hump into his face in earnest, your fists tightening around his hair as you practically smear your pussy over his face, feeling his tongue, his teeth, his lips, his nose, even the light stubble he’s starting to grow out – all of it creating delicious friction against you.

Your body is rocked by so many different sensations: he’s practically making out with your pussy as his mouth suctions over it, lapping at your wetness like he’s starved. His tongue, so hard and pointed, fucks into your hole, his nose grazing against your clit before he licks a flat stripe up from your fuckhole up your slit, ending with a hearty suck up on your clit before biting down on the bundle of nerves not so lightly.

“That’s right, baby. My horny fuckin’ little omega, rub your baby cunt on daddy’s face, use me to make yourself cum. Fuck! I said rub yourself on my fucking face! Harder, before I change my mind.” Steve’s teetering between nice and mean, and the heady mix of both makes you scream out and clutch his hair harder, his voice muffled and sending vibrations against your clit. “Hump on daddy’s face, baby, c’mon. Make yourself feel good, show daddy how much you missed me.”

Your orgasm is doubly intense, and for the second time in your life, your juices squirt out, streaming all over Steve’s face and coating him in your slick. And, like a man starved, he wastes no time in swiping his cheek and sucking his finger, his eyes training on your pulsating pussy as you clench and release, over and over again, thighs tightening around his face as you cry out, “Oh! Oh my, d-daddy!”

“Good baby,” He praises you, prying your legs off his shoulders, “Doesn’t it feel so good to just switch off and let your daddy do all the thinking?”

Hands and legs limp like jelly and every thought and worry slowly leaving your mind, you manage to sniffle out a soft yet ashamedly honest, “Y-Yeah.”

You’re completely limp in his arms as he picks you up by the waist, sitting down on the bench and setting you down on his lap, your back against his chest. But not before undoing his fly and pulling his dick out. It looks angry and red and somehow bigger than ever – as if it’s about to explode. You gulp – it’s been so long since he’s been inside you. Would he still fit?

Like a steel rod, his cock pokes out from between his legs, resting pretty between your own thighs that are parted by his hands. Your wetness has spread all the way from your folds to down your legs, and it’s mildly embarrassing just how needy you are for him at this moment. So needy, in fact, that you surprise yourself – your hands grabbing at his dick as if the omega inside you just can’t help it.

“Fuck,” Steve hisses, covering your hand with his own, “Look at your tiny baby hands on my daddy dick.” His tongue is lapping and sucking at his mark on your neck – his favourite spot – but his eyes are locked on the scene in front of him – you palming his dick almost hesitantly, as if you’re scared of it yet want it badly at the same time – which you do.

You swallow harshly, “P-Please.”

“Please what, sweet girl?”

You duck your head, too shy to voice your desire but his hand grips your chin and makes you look up, twisting your head back slightly so he can look into your eyes.

“Tell me what you want, baby.” Steve says softly, beguilingly with blue eyes sparkling, “I already told you I’ll give you whatever you want – you just have to tell me.”

You surge upwards to kiss him, suddenly remembering how he’d rejected your kisses the last time the two of you had had sex. But this time, he captures your lips with his, ravenously making out with you and his tongue dominates yours, licking up every crevice of your mouth like it’s his job to kiss you. Till you can’t breathe and yet you still don’t want to pull away, and it’s him who finally does.

“Or we could just sit here, and I could feel you.” Steve muses, hand gliding his dick back and forth against the soft skin of your thighs before slapping it against your pussy. You gasp and convulse, and he only chuckles as he repeats the action, and you can’t help but close your legs around his dick, as if forcing him to put it inside you.

“Alpha please!” You mewl softly.

“I guess your pregnancy hormones have made you even needier now, huh omega?” He snickers, using his hand to guide yours up and down his dick, making you jack him off. And you can feel every ridge, every vein of his thick dick as it pulses under your hand. And the omega inside you is feral, you want him so badly it’s unreal. All these weeks of no intimacy have you starved in a different way – because being mated to him means always wanting him, always yearning for him, and having no willpower against his charms.

It's with burning cheeks and tears of need welling in your eyes that you utter: “P-Please, alpha! N-Need you inside me, your knot… So bad. So bad!”

“Why? You’re already knocked up.” He’s tracing the tip of his dick against your clit, holding you down as you thrash on his lap. And you don’t understand his willpower – did he not want you as badly as you wanted him? But he continues to slap and stroke his dick against your folds, coating his length in your cream, grabbing you by the hips and grazing you on top of it, physically grinding you against his hard dick yet not putting it inside you.

“Aww, poor baby. Look at your cute little baby cunt, all drippy and leaking all over daddy. You still want my dick, baby? Still want my knot even if you’re already pregnant?”

“Yes! Yes, please!” You want to tell him not to tease you, but you know that he’s your alpha and you can’t really tell him what to do. You know you’re already submissive by nature but in his arms right now, you feel like you’re completely at his mercy, like you’d do anything for him. “N-Need you, daddy. So bad. Just… Just gotta feel you inside… P-Please!”

Steve swears, grabbing the base of his dick and lining it up against your leaking pussy. But he has to lift you up by the hips and slam you back down to get his fat, bulbous tip to finally breach your tiny hole. And oh my God – was it possible that he felt even bigger than ever before? He’s barely halfway inside you and you feel stuffed to the brim already, slippery walls convulsing and crying around his fat cock as it penetrates into you.

“What a tight fuckin’ baby cunt,” Steve grits out, squeezing your tits till it hurts, “God, fuck! Never had a pussy this tight before, baby. It’s like you were made for me.”

He’s so big, it almost feels like it’s the first time – how could you ever have gotten used to such a huge dick? And he’s big everywhere: his muscular legs which hold your entire body weight, his thick arms that hold your thrashing limbs at bay. All six foot six inches of him dwarf you completely. You feel so light, so fragile, so tiny on top of him, his dick slowly going deeper and deeper inside of you, practically ripping you in two.

“S-So big, daddy…” You moan, because it hurts yet it hurts so good, and you love the delicious friction you feel.

“Can’t even go all the way inside you, baby.” Steve say softly, as if he himself is surprised by his own girth and by how small you are. “Fuck, you’re tinier than I remember. Guess I’m too big for you. Your cute little baby cunt can’t take me in, omega.”

“Please! F-Force it in.” Something carnal takes over you then, and you’re surprised by your own words; they sound so desperate, so lust-ridden and unabashed – like you’d die if he isn’t fully inside you.

And Steve growls, pushing out of you and picking you up – and he only needs one arm to do it – before forcibly turning you around so that you’re chest to chest with him. He forces you back down on his dick, and it’s so hard and imposing as it pierces into you, and you can’t help but clamber closer to Steve, both of you gasping against each other’s lips when he finally fills you up till the hilt, and the pain is so deliciously excruciating, you feel like you’ll break in half.

“I think I may have broke your pussy, baby.” He whispers, as you marvel at how much of a tight fit it is, his dick so snugly inside you, stretching out your walls as far as they’ll go around his fat girth. You truly do feel broken, but in the best way, and you wrap your arms around his neck, wanting to be closer.

“D-Don’t care, alpha.” You don’t know what’s suddenly come over you, maybe it’s the fact that he told you he loves you, maybe it’s because you haven’t had sex with him for weeks, maybe it’s because you’ve finally told him you’re pregnant and he’s proud of you, he’s promised to take care of you. Or maybe it’s something else altogether, but your desire for him has never been this high, this intense. Even Steve looks surprised.

Slowly, he starts bouncing you up and down on his dick. And you don’t have to do any work, just sit there and let him manoeuvre you, let him control your movements like a puppeteer, like how he controls every other aspect of your life. And maybe it’s time to admit that you like it that way, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with the omega inside you. Maybe this, here with him, is where you belong.

“You like me splitting you open like this, don’t you?” He whispers against your lips, capturing them in a searing kiss that has you grabbing his face and pulling him closer. Wanting to touch him and smell him and feel him and hold him and everything in between. His dick is hitting that special spot inside of you, making you cry out with every thrust, not caring that you’re being loud and this is a public place and anyone could walk in.

“I love you so much, baby.” And there it is again, those three words once again, penetrating into your heart and tattooing themselves upon it. His hand suddenly grabs yours, holding it close and pressing kisses all over your palm and fingers – and you’re reminded of the night where you’d begged him not to leave you, and how you’d done the same thing.

“I’m never letting you go, omega.” Steve speaks between kisses, all the while his hips are a blur as they move up and down, thrusting inside you like he wants to keep the two of you connected forever. “I’m gonna make you my housewife, keep you locked up and safe so no one can ever hurt you or my baby. I’m gonna take care of you, both of you.”

And you’re nodding feverishly, whispering “okay” over and over again, grinding down to meet his thrusts, biting your lip in bliss when his hand snakes down to where you two meet, his fingers deftly rubbing your clit, heightening your pleasure as his cock continues to tear you in half.

“My omega, all mine,” He growls, balls smacking against your skin as he fucks into you, your poor fuckhole so used and abused yet you don’t even care as you drip all over him, the pleasure growing steadily inside you, coils tightening as he fucks you like only he ever could. “Won’t let anyone else touch you, speak to you, even look at you anymore. You’re my property – my little wife knocked up with my kid. Won’t let anything come between us, not again.”

Through your delirium, you manage to lock eyes with him, clutching at him desperately, and your words come out so softly, and you feel so small when you ask him, “Y-Y-You promise?”

He stalls for a second, just a second, before his thrusts resume, hitting deeper if that’s even possible. He cups your face with his warm hand, and you can smell his heady, musky scent that you’re so addicted to. His eyes sparkle earnestly, like twin blue oceans that you could drown in except the experience would be pleasant. He leans close to you, so close; “I promise, omega.”

You cum so hard, you feel like you’re going to pass out, your walls constricting around his dick, squeezing it so hard while he continues to thrust up into you. You can feel your cream leaking down his dick, staining his uniform but it’s like you can’t stop squirting around him, your slick squeezing out of your worn-out pussy as it pulsates around his hard cock.

“Steve, oh my God, oh my God, fuck!” You cry out in complete abandon, clutching onto his biceps, your nails digging through the material of his jersey.

“That’s right baby, cum on daddy’s dick like the good little girl you are,” He coaxes you, rubbing your bare back almost soothingly, while his fat dick continues to pierce in and out of you at an inhumane pace – as if he’s savouring being inside you, as if he never wants to stop. “Squeeze my fucking dick, omega. Fuck, I’m gonna keep you pregnant forever, baby. Tell me you want that; tell me you want all my fucking babies.”

“W-Want your babies!” You cry out obediently, your body jelly on top of his, limbs twitching as the rushes of pleasure flush through your body. He’s using you like a fuckdoll now, an iron grip on your hips as he pounds into you as if he can’t get enough. His mouth latches onto your mark, licking and sucking possessively, and you think you might pass out from the pleasure – and he still wouldn’t stop.

You feel his dick twitch inside you, and he’s still fucking you through his own release, his seed so hot as it pours into you. Spurting hot cum, coating your insides like he’s trying to brand you, and he grips firmly onto your hair, pulling your face to his and kissing you roughly. “I love you, baby.” He whispers soft as a feather against your lips, and you don’t think you’ll ever get tired of hearing him say it, as you grind down, his thick ropes of cum mingling with your own slick, and he’s still pumping out more. As if his load is so heavy and he won’t stop until you’re completely filled up.

“Marry me.”

For the second time today, he renders you completely speechless. Third time, if you count your reaction to his book of sketches. Cupping both your cheeks and making you look at him and only him, and you don’t know what to think. First ‘I love you’ and now ‘marry me’? The alarm bells are chiming softly in the rational part of your mind – because isn’t all of this happening too fast, too suddenly, too soon?

“Marry me, omega.” Steve repeats, “Let me take you home. To Brooklyn. I’ll take care of you, give you a real home, I’ll make you so happy. And you can leave this place behind.”

Leave it behind? What did he mean by that? Your degree? There’re so many questions on your mind: Is he being serious? Does he mean it? Why is all of this coming out now? Should you believe him, believe his promises – when your own trust in him has come back to slap you in the face multiple times in the past? And what if this is all some cruel practical joke? What about your education, your scholarship? What about your mother? What about… what about… what about–

But it’s like your mind is working in overdrive to forcibly push all those thoughts out, and replace them with how he’d told you he loved you. How he’d apologised to you last night. All the sketches he made of you – those weren’t a joke, were they? They couldn’t be.

Time to surrender, the omega inside of you is beguiling as ever; time to be happy…

“Okay.” You whisper.

He breaks into a smile, like he knows you could never say no to him, and presses kisses all over your face.

There’s a quiet calm as he picks you up, taking you to the nearby bathroom and helping you clean up. You thought your head would be a screaming mess of emotions, but your thoughts are eerily quiet as you let him clean and redress you. Maybe this was all meant to be, and this is where you belonged. Maybe he meant it this time – maybe he’d take care of you and keep you happy forever. And you have the baby to think about too – maybe this was best for the baby.

He carries you back out of the bathroom, only setting you down on your feet when he’s opening the exit doors to get back out onto the field. And even then, he holds your hand tightly – so tightly, as if you’re a kite that might fly away.

Outside, everyone is still celebrating – almost as if the two of you never left. You can see Sam and the rest of the football team popping open cans of beer and pouring it all down their fronts, or shaking hands with different people, or kissing their own girlfriends. Instinctively, Steve’s grip on your hand tightens even more.

“Hey, Cap! We’re taking a team picture with the trophy. C’mon!” One of his teammates calls out before the whole team begins to assemble themselves into haphazard rows while the professional photographer tries to guide them.

You feel Steve hesitating before letting go of you, grabbing your shoulders instead.

“Don’t move, omega. I’ll be right back.”

You nod, smiling softly, “Okay, Steve. I’m right here.”

It’s like he’s searching your face for something, and you wish to God you knew what because you’d show it to him in a heartbeat. But then his face softens, he grabs the back of your neck and pulls you close, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. And then he jogs away, joining his friends and being greeted with hoots and cheers and high-fives and chants of his name. He looks like a king on top of his world, standing up front and centre. Someone thrusts the gigantic trophy in his hand, and he holds it up proudly, smiling cockily at the camera.

You take it all in, feeling a mix of emotions ranging from pride for him as well as a certain sense of imposter syndrome. He’s a king and you’re an ant – but he loves you. He told you so, he told you so, he told you so–

“HEY!”

The repeated calling of your name doesn’t register to you until it’s right up against your ear, and you feel someone grip your wrist roughly, tugging you back. You turn around in alarm, mouth dropping open when you see who it is.

“Peter! What are you doing here?”

Peter looks dishevelled, out of breath as if he’s been running around all day. His spiky hair is longer than how you remember it, with brown locks tumbling down his forehead. His cheeks are flushed and eyes bright, the remnants of his fading black eye very apparent on his face. And his hold on your wrist is tighter than ever – just like how Steve’s grip was earlier.

Heart pounding, you glance back at Steve – but he’s still busy hoisting the trophy high in the air, posing for pictures and shaking hands with different people.

“Went to your dorm – you weren’t there.” Peter huffs, trying to catch his breath as quickly as he can. “Someone said you might be here – that the entire college was here. And they weren’t wrong – I’ve been looking for you in the crowd for ages. I figured this would be the best way, since he’d be too busy playing to notice anything.”

Peter casts a quick glance at Steve too, before pulling you further away. When he doesn’t stop, you tug back.

“What’re you doing? We can’t… I can’t be speaking to you, he’ll–”

“Come on!” Peter cuts you off, an almost desperate sense of urgency in his tone as he keeps glancing back at Steve. There’s a certain panic to his demeanour, as if he’s in a hurry. “Look, this is the perfect opportunity – he’s distracted, we can just slip out and –”

“Wait, Peter–”

“No, I’m not going to wait and neither are you!” Peter hisses, yanking your arm and pulling you further and further away, off the side of the field and leading to the stairs where a sizeable crowd of people is still mingling.

“Look, I spent a whole month feeling sorry for myself for getting beaten up… For letting him get the best of me. And I barely spared a second to think of you and what you must’ve been going through.” Peter’s talking rapidly, and he never stops moving, never stops tugging you but he does keep looking over his shoulder in Steve’s direction, his palm clammy as he holds on to your wrist. “But then you called, and you sounded distressed. I knew he wasn’t treating you right, I knew I had to do something.”

You swallow harshly, taking another look back at Steve – now his teammates have hoisted him onto their shoulders again, and he’s still smiling for pictures. A million thoughts race through your head, “Peter, I have to get back, he’s gonna–”

But it’s like Peter doesn’t hear you at all, as he determinedly pulls you up the stairs behind him and towards the exit. And you do want to speak to him, of course you do! You haven’t spoken to him for more than a month, and there’s so many things you want to ask him. But, but, but…

“I’m so fucking stupid for not doing something sooner. You were my girlfriend… You are my girlfriend and I should’ve taken care of you.”

You shake your head rapidly, “Peter, please listen! I don’t want to… I don’t think this is a good id–”

“You’re never gonna have to see that sick sonofabitch again, I promise you that much. I’m doing what I should have done that day I showed up at your dorm – take you away from him.”

“Peter, no, I–”

But either it’s the roar of the people around you or his own determination, but he doesn’t seem to hear your pleas. Everything’s happening too fast, the thoughts racing around in your head and the panic bubbling in your chest. Peter is good, you know this – and you know he means well. And yet…

You feel your mark prickle hotly, and you whip around in time to see Steve’s head snap in your direction. Your eyes lock with his for one single split second, and your mark throbs in pain and you feel a certain unrest in your bond, and it feels like you can’t breathe.

The hurt that flashes through Steve’s eyes is the last thing you see before you’re yanked out the exit and swallowed up by the crowd.

Well. If you managed to make it to the end of this chapter, thank you! I really hope you enjoyed. Guys, I poured my life and soul into this... and I hope I did this chapter justice. Please, PLEASE PLEASE reblog! And give me feedback. That’s what keeps me going honestly. I would love to hear what you think. In fact, i’m nervous to know what you think! And what should we expect for the next part? All I’m gonna say is... Steve’s omega has been taken from him, if he was mean before, it’s nothing compared to what he’ll be now. ALRIGHT BYE. and thank you for all your support! Love you guys!

[washymylifeaway]

Collective favorite hq fanfic recs

Hello, it’s as the title states HAHA. I’ve had this blog for a year now and I wanted to go through and put all my favorites that I’ve recommended in one place. Spoiler alert, there’s a lot LMFAO. Gonna try something new and separate by word count tho LOL I thought it’d be fun HAHA

warning, there’s a little over 200 fics under this but it’s only links so it’s not that long

WC long -> short!

Seasons by Nimbus_Cloud (E,T) 176.3k // kuroken, bokuaka

Terminal Curiosity by favspacetwink, moonlumie (E) 126.4k // sakuatsu

Making a Home by Featherfur (G) 111.4k // multi (arankita)

Conquering the Great King by SuggestiveScribe (E) 105.6k // iwaoi

Superposition by todxrxki (M) 102.8k // kuroken

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k // matsuhana

Thicker Than Blood by kylar (M) 91.4k // kuroken

Super Spy Husbands by leurauxe (G,T,M) 91.3k // iwaoi

Burden of Blame by DeathBelle (E) 91.2k // sakuatsu

The Loyalty of a Traitor by DeathBelle (E) 76.9k // iwaoi

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle by kittebasu (chanyeol) (T) 66.3k // iwaoi

butterfly in the subway by bigspoonnoya (T) 62.8k // daisuga

Close to the Chest by darkmagicalgirl (T) 61.1k // kyouhaba

Crisis Converted by valiantarmor (M) 60k // bokuaka

if not, winter by knightswatch (M) 54k // kyouhaba

Even forever is too short of a time with you by miyarinnnn (T) 53.8k // sunaosa

Words Not Spoken by Dogsocks (T,G) 51.5k // kyouhaba

In the Absence of Light by meeks00 (E) 50.7k // bokuaka

Room To Grow by kiyala (G) 50k // kyouhaba

Venom and Vulnerability by darkmagicalgirl (E) 48.3k // kyouhaba (ao3 members only)

burning bright by kittebasu (chanyeol) (M) 43.9k // oikuro

Addiction and Attachment by eevaeon (T) 41.8k // kuroken

The Loss We Learned by DeathBelle (T) 41.6k // sunaosa

but not for spring to well up by tookumade (T) 40.8k // sunaosa

Seijoh Inc. by DeathBelle (E) 40.5k // iwaoi

K-Cup Coffee Verse by situational_irony_13 (T,G) 40k // iwaoi kyouhaba

Build A Temple In Me by Authoress (T) 39.7k // iwaoi

Atsumu + Sakusa + The National = ? by isaksara (syailendra) (T,M) 37.8k // sakuatsu

to make any other mistake by honeymilktea (rosevtea) (T) 37.3k // sakuatsu

Police Dog by surveycorpsjean (E) 34.9k // kyouhaba

sorry baby by sketchedsmiles (M) 34.3k // sunaosa

Running In Place by cleiioo (T) 33.3k // kyouhaba

glass stained black by unrequitedangst (E) 31k // sunaosa

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) by cosmogony (T) 30.9k // kuroken

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back by Asimi_Shadowborn (T) 30.6k // kyouhaba

tale as old as time by crossbelladonna (G,T,M) 30.2k // kyouhaba

Kyouhaba Trash Week 2016 by HoneyBeeez (T) 28.9k // kyouhaba

Remind Me by tookumade (T) 28.6k // matsuhana

we call everything on the ice, “love” by awkwardedgeworth (T) 27.9k // sakuatsu

laid bare, right there by berfinwrites (E) 26.6k // sakuatsu

An Inconvenient Espionage by DeathBelle (E) 26.6k // sunaosa

your flame will not survive in this cold tundra by awkwardedgeworth (T) 26.5k // sakuatsu

how can I not be moved (by you) by Ann1215 (T) 26.4k // sakuatsu

April 10th by orphan_account (M) 25.8k // iwaoi

you’re made of memories you bury or live by by tirralirra (T) 24.8k // sakuatsu

I wish to live in a world by hatsuna (T) 24.8k // komosuna

It Takes Two by Poteto (G) 24.1k // kyouhaba

flutterbird (a collection of sakuatsu one-shots) by wordstruck (T,M,E) 23.2k // sakuatsu

you never have to wander, wonder by sieges (T) 23k // sunaosa

In Another Life by LittleLuxray (T) 23k // bokuaka

i’m gonna be the man who comes back home to you by baekuugo (insxouts) (M) 22.5k // iwaoi

Like Smoke Blown to Heaven by littleboat (T) 22.2k // sakuatsu

love could be labeled poison and we’d drink it anyways by myhopeisjhope (NR) 21.3k // sakuatsu

Thin Sand by shiro_yuu (T) 20.2k // kuroaka

three roses and a smile by strawberrycitrus (T) 19.7k // sakuatsu

Accidentally in Love by pancake_surprise (T) 19.6k // sunaosa

Retrograde by dreyars (T) 19.5k // kyouhaba

Pas De Deux by hatsuna (T) 19k // sakuatsu

Q&A by crossbelladonna (T) 19k // matsuhana

il mio ragazzo falso by karasunovolleygays (T) 18.5k // bokuaka

A God for Every Season by timkons (T) 18.4k // matsuhana

double vision by sketchedsmiles (T) 18.3k // sunaosa

Take off my mask by CarissaThePanda (M) 17.4k // bokuaka

but we’re not, like, in love by eidilechsi (E) 17.3k // sakuatsu

Moral Ambiguity by DeathBelle (E) 16.7k // iwaoi

Shiver by Yuu_chi (T) 16.7k // iwaoi

crimson colored lotus by sieges (M) 16.5k // sakuatsu

close up, close in by yoogiboobi (E) 16.4k // sunaosa

Parallel Lines by orphan_account (T) 16.3k // matsuhana

to heretics and their devotions by honeybakedgrace (M,T) 16.3k // sakuatsu sunaosa

Everything is old is new is old is new again by hatsuna (T) 16.2k // matsuhana

Upstairs by yoogiboobi (E) 15.9k // bokuaka

dogshit (first comes the fall) by kitcassiachan (E) 15.8k // sakuatsu

Better For Us Both by abrandnewheart (M) 15.7k // sakuatsu

atypical confession by SilverMoonT (G) 15.5k // sunaosa

STAND/STILL by viverella (T) 15.2k // washisuna

we fall between by stringendos (T) 14.7k // sunaosa

An Equivalent Exchange by Chibs (E) 14.5k // kyouhaba

i’ll face down the world with you by bastigod (T) 14.1k // sunaosa

and i press you to the pages of my heart by volchitsae (T) 13.9k // sakuatsu

Show A Little Faith by minijhi (G) 13.8k // kuroken

darlin’, your head’s not right by aruariandance (T) 13.6k // iwaoi

let us burn by SilverMoonT (G) 13.5k // sunaosa

bet on it by selenophim (T) 13.3k // sakuatsu

a fist amidst the hands by noodletastic (E) 13.2k // sakuatsu

the worst ever by wheelspokes (M) 13.1k // sakuatsu

quidditch gloves, parchment, and custard cream by h_lovely (T) 12.4k // matsuhana

the art of keeping up by sieges (T) 12.3k // sunaosa

agape by sketchedsmiles (T) 11.7k // sunaosa

the echoing halls by ohwickedsoul (T) 11.7k // sakuatsu

Rainbow Veins by bokkuroo (T) 11.6k // bokuaka

behavioural response of the msby black jackal to newfound independence: a study by miya osamu by spacedhowell (T) 11.4k // multi (sakuatsu, sunaosa, hinata, bokuto)

your ivy grows by sketchedsmiles (T) 11.1k // matsuhana

Magical Mishaps and How to Deal by plumtrees (M) 10.9k // matsuhana

‘basis’ - noun. the underlying foundation for an idea or process. by auvelli (T) 10.9k // sakuatsu

talks firmly and calmly by warmly (T) 10.9k // matsuhana

parallax error: angle of inclination by min_mintobe (T) 10.8k // sakuatsu

nebulas by tothemoon (T) 10.8k // matsuhana

dyspnea/arrhythmia by carafin (T) 10.8k // iwaoi

Zenith, Nadir by tookumade (T) 10.7k // matsuhana

mortality is found in the flesh of your sins by citronnes (M) 10.6k // sakuatsu

this is our time in the spotlight by volchitsae (T) 10.5k // sakuatsu

Hide and seek by badreputation (E) 10.5k // sakuatsu

don’t forget today by warmly (T) 10.5k // sunaosa

stranger things by tinypersonhotel (G) 10.2k // matsuhana

The Truth Comes Out by Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon (T) 10.2k // matsuhana ?

sunagashi by bastigod (T) 9.8k // sunaosa

How (Not) To Share A Bathroom by renaissance (T) 9.8k // oisuga

Lost in Translation by rageprufrock (T) 9.6k // iwaoi

Adagio by h_lovely (T) 9.6k // matsuhana

In Defense of Reptiles (and Other Gross Things) by rikke (T) 9.3k // iwaoi

I Choose You by TripsH (T) 9.3k // iwaoi

curse breaking by allicanseeispink (T) 9.2k // sakuatsu

you make my heart burn by myhopeisjhope (G) 9.2k // sakuatsu

Even Though it All Went Wrong by plumtrees (T) 9.2k // matsuhana

my love, take your time by bastigod (T) 9k // sakuatsu

you may now kiss the enemy by SilverMoonT (G) 8.9k // sunaosa

All the Time in the World by minie_ai (M) 8.8k // sunaosa

warm memories of a cold ex by SilverMoonT (G) 8.8k // sunaosa

hang out fall in love by carafin (T) 8.6k // matsuhana

it’s cold out here by bishounen_curious (M) 8.6k // matsuhana

dog eat dog eat dog world by perennials (T) 8.4k // sakuatsu

Magicked by HoneyBeeez (T) 8.4k // kyouhaba

in the mood for love by tenderized (M) 8.3k // sunaosa

the 28 postcards you left me by wheelspokes (T) 8.3k // sakuatsu

In knives and bullets by badreputation (M) 8.3k // sunaosa

always, omi by auroramyths (T) 8.2k // sakuatsu

reasons to microwave an elixir by spiritscript (T) 8.2k // sunaosa

Clipped To You by littleboat (T) 8.1k // sakuatsu

what becomes of broken hearts by plumtrees (T) 8.1k // kyouhaba

san'yō expressway, 6:17 pm by yamabato (T) 8.1k // sakuatsu

Mixed Signals by snoqualmie (T) 7.8k // kyouhaba

two slow dancers by quietkids (T) 7.7k // kagehina

rating explicit, completed works only, sort by kudos by lesbiantrait (E) 7.6k // sakuatsu

simple fact by bastigod (T) 7.4k // sunaosa

magic, foxes, and lore by bluelions, lovebot (bluelions) (T) 7.4k // sunaosa

The Courage of Stars by FairyLights101 (T) 7.1k // matsuhana

somewhere to belong by kitouma (T) 7k // sunaosa

The Wall Thing by rideahorse (M) 6.8k // kyouhaba

Dance of the Parallax by astroeulogy (T) 6.7k // sakuatsu

from here to eternity by TheGlovedArtist (T) 6.6k // sunaosa

How Do You Know? by awkwardedgeworth (T) 6.5k // sakuatsu

come on with the rain by rosegoldwriting (T) 6.5k // sunaosa

if you make me feel in love / if you make me open up by volchitsae (E) 6.4k // sakuatsu

resistance to flow by viverella (T) 6.2k // sunaosa

The Study of Suna Rintarou by DeathBelle (T) 6.1k // sunaosa

The Great MSBY Black Jackal Pizza Bake Off by awkwardedgeworth (T) 5.7k // sakuatsu

a little bit funny, this feeling inside by postcanons (G) 5.4k // kyouhaba

Take a hint by badreputation (T) 5.4k // sunaosa

meet me at the fucking pit (and let me hold your hand) by anyadisee (T) 5.4k // kyouhaba

A Bouquet of Flours by guyfierimpreg (G) 5.2k // matsuhana

the kind of magic you aren’t supposed to write home about by skittidyne (T) 5.2k // kyouhaba

like hollywood stars by skittidyne (T) 5.1k // iwaoi

lo and behold by tirralirra (T) 5k // sakuatsu

Evernight by astroeulogy (G) 5k // sakuatsu

if we get this right by Slumber (G) 5k // sunaosa

do not separate! by aalphard (T) 5k // sakuatsu

the home we built in hell by awkwardedgeworth (T) 5k // sakuatsu

School Bus Yellow by yuuki (G) 4.9k // sakuatsu

5 Ways To Tell If The Person You're Dating Is The One by SugarHighs (T) 4.9k // sakuatsu

iwaizumi hajime has a ring by chocomelon (G) 4.8k // iwaoi

need a little sweetness in my life by orphan_account (G) 4.5k // matsuhana

my heart beats for contract law by orphan_account (T) 4.4k // matsuhana

new constellations by thealmostviki (G) 4.3k // kyouhaba

working backwards till it rhymes by unrequitedangst (T) 4.2k // sunaosa

poolside by tothemoon (T) 4.1k // matsuhana

the dog days are over by grandecoffee (T) 4.1k // osamu

two drinks by spiritscript (T) 4k // sunaosa

Spring Secrets by DeathBelle (T) 3.8k // sunaosa

everything is blue by hatsuna (T) 3.8k // semishira

take me to the limit, hold me down there by volchitsae (E) 3.8k // sakuatsu

what are you waiting for? by Slumber (T) 3.7k // sunaosa

yahaba vs. the miyagi captains by blessings (T) 3.7k // kyouhaba

courting cream puffs by latenights (T) 3.7k // matsuhana

let the light in on the front porch by rosevtea (G) 3.6k // komosuna

I (Heart) You by darkmagicalgirl (T) 3.6k // kyouhaba

sense of purpose (or, what comes next) by pseudoanalytics (T) 3.6k // sakuatsu

snakes, meth labs and something like love by orphan_account (G) 3.6k // matsuhana

you, clouds, rain. by auvelli (T) 3.5k // sakuatsu

a thousand and one roses by rorarot (T) 3.4k // kyouhaba

As easy as loving Issei by carxies (G) 3.3k // matsuhana

wear your love like it’s made of hate by parenthetic (renaissance) (T) 3.3k // kyouhaba

Multiples Of Two by yuuki (G) 3.3k // sakuatsu

Isolated Parts by darkmagicalgirl (T) 3.3k // kyouhaba

miya osamu’s guide to bad neighbors, serial break-ups, and domesticity by rosegoldwriting (T) 3.1k // osaaka

Please Stop Crying by dauwtrappen (G) 2.9k // sakuatsu

to crash in orbit by aceun (T) 2.8k // sunaosa

No One Else Like You by auber_jean (G) 2.7k // matsuhana

toeing the line by masi (T) 2.7k // kyouhaba

101 Uses for Cornstarch (Culinary or Otherwise) by parenthetic (renaissance) (T) 2.6k // ennofuta

Reflex by hiuythn (T) 2.3k // matsuhana

I’ll Be Home by ghostystarr (G) 2.2k // sunaosa

Camellias by kiyala (T) 1.9k // kyouhaba

With Love, Washio by pancake_surprise (G) 1.8k // washio komosuna

seventh ring by entrechat (T) 1.8k // sunaosa

for whom the heart beats by cielelyse (T) 1.6k // sakuatsu

something of a disaster by latenights (T) 1.4k // matsuhana

colours in the dark by tookumade (G) 1.3k // sunaosa

what a wonderful kind of day by qingting (G) 1.2k // kyouhaba

christmas traditions by akanemnida (T) 1.2k // sakuatsu

Cost by kiyala (G) 1.1k // kyouhaba

wow that’s a lot LMFAO. uhh I honestly probably missed some favs here and there (kat can testify she watched me add more as I looked through) but this also took me a couple hours to make (even though it was all just cp LOL) so it is what it is HAHA. happy one year? HAHAHA but seriously thank you all for making this blog such a special place for me! I didn’t think I’d make it this long or have this many people following me, so it’s been very weird and touching HAHAHA. I look forward to my revival if/when s5 comes out! Until then see you all next list LOL :)

[nowayhomerry]

bruce wayne rec list (battison)

let go (18+) - @allaboardthereadingrailroad

categories: smut

word count: 7.2k

summary: after unmasking batman's identity, you grow closer

into the abyss - @atlaese

categories: angst, fluff

word count: 4.8k

summary: bruce should've known that nothing in gotham city ever is smooth sailing. but when the one person in his life who means most to him gets kidnapping, he feels the darkness descending on him

quite the revelation | series (18+) - @stranger-nightmare

part 1 part 2

categories: smut

word count: 39.7k (in total)

summary: you and bruce had been friends since childhood. meaning you're the one he usually comes to for help after a rough night of seeking vengeance around gotham city. one night bruce reveals more than he means to; just how sexually inexperienced he is. you, being the good friend that you are, offer to help in that area...

surely, you'd burn the same | series (18+) - @jangofctts

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

categories: smut, smut, smut

word count: 28.8k (in total)

summary: you're stuck with the batman, and he's got a problem

something in the way (18+) - @mypoisonedvine

categories: smut, dark!bruce

word count: 4.5k

summary: you know your bestfriend well enough to know that he's keeping a secret from you, you just can't figure out what - or why. but you're about to learn a lot of new things about him that you never could've imagined

if i could share my nights with you - @mell-bell

categories: fluff

word count: 1.1k

summary: you help bruce put on his eyeliner

copper stained | series (18+) - @clints-lucky-arrow

part 1 part 2

categories: smut, hurt/comfort

word count: 5.9k

summary: there are very few people that are allowed to see bruce at hid most vulnerable

a world alone - @vigilvntes

categories: fluff

word count: 8.1k

summary: bruce makes his first public appearance since the memorial service, with you by his side

walk me home - @vigilvntes

categories: fluff

word count: 3k

summary: you get escorted home by none other than gotham's own protector

nocturnal (18+) - @distortionbobble

categories: smut

word count: 3.4k

summary: bruce wayne is a broken and bruised man. you're the sweet healing that he needs

for tomorrow to come - @wwinterwitch

categories: smutty

word count: 1.5k

summary: out of all your victims, gothem city's vigilante had to be your favorite

always been you | series (18+) - @letaliabane

part 1 part 2 part 3

categories: smut, angst, fluff

word count: 22.2k (in total)

summary: all the batman want is a information but he's a little distracted by you

all the light we cannot see (18+) - @sunkendreams

categories: smut

word count: 7.9k

summary: that hollow shell hew been living inside of, his fortress of carefully-constructed barriers, it all begins to crack. it's rather terrifying, the idea of letting someone in, but he's done for now, isn't he? the way you look at him is invigorating, its electrifying - it makes him feel less like the batman and more like a man

relationship hcs - @vigilvntes

categories: fluff

word count: 2.5k

summary: bruce wayne + romantic relationships

making headlines | series (18+) - @twinklelilstarkey

masterlist

categories: smut, angst, fluff

word count: 53.2k (in total)

summary: after your reputation is ruined over gossip and you have to clean your own name, you find the culprit of it all once more. bruce wayne

convenience | series - @imaginingmarvelandeverything

masterlist

categories: fluff, angst

word count: 37.7k (in total)

summary: after his oldest friend loses everything, bruce suggests a marriage of convenience that will benefit them both

after hours | series (18+) - @goldingwrites

masterlist

categories: smut, angst, fluff

word count: 84.3k (in total)

summary: the nights in gotham are always unforgiving, you, you strip for money, to feed tour son and to forget some of your troubles. it's easy, it's simple until vengeance appears in your night

call out my name (18+) - @honeydulcewrites

categories: smut

word count: 6.5k

summary: a terrifying savoir comes to your aide one night but it isn't the last you see of each other

[scarlet-star-witch]

Tell me when you hear my heart stop

Seong Gi-hun x female reader

Summary: High school sweethearts are reunited at the games, unaware of how both of their lives have unraveled in their separation

Word Count: 22.2K (I have no self control)

Warnings: Mentions of domestic abuse, spoilers for Squid Game and a whole lot of sweet sweet longing

~~

She didn’t recognize the woman that stared back at her in the mirror. 

Tracing the fading bruise on her cheek, she winced. She didn’t know if it was lingering from the Salesman she’d run into a few days ago, or if it was from him.

Staring down at the card the Salesman had given her, her heart raced wildly within her chest. She had called and the mysterious game began. They only told her where to wait for the pickup and a password.

It was sketchy, that was for certain. But she was desperate. She was stuck in a loveless relationship with a hateful man, too poor to escape, stuck in miles of debt that he had put on her.

She had no other option but to play the mysterious game. 

Stepping out of the bathroom as quietly as she could, she craned her head, peeking into the next room. A heavy sigh of relief sounded when she saw her boyfriend fast asleep on the couch.

She could slip out without him even knowing. 

It was as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders the second she stepped outside. She was going to change her life. She was going to leave her abuser, find a safe space to live and start her life on a new path.

She didn’t have another choice.

~~

Classical music was the first thing she noticed as she came to slowly. Her eyes fluttered open tiredly and as the white ceiling above her registered, her eyes snapped open and she sat up with a gasp. She didn’t know how much time had passed and she didn’t know where the hell she was.

Watching, still slightly stunned by the strange turn of events, as hundreds of people who looked just as confused as she was sure she looked began to make their way down the long stairs of bunk beds.

With slightly trembling legs, she followed, her eyes taking in every inch of the room frantically.

A scuffle in the middle of the room caught everyone’s attention and soon a crowd began to form. With her curiosity piqued, she made her way towards it, watching through the crowds of people as a large, tattooed man threw a girl to the floor.

She flinched, her mind conjuring images of her boyfriend in place of the strong man with the tattoo and herself as the young girl who was helpless to fight back. 

The man struck the girl and she turned her head, averting her eyes from the scene, her stomach churning with disdain. 

Her instincts told her to run, to escape the situation, and she was seconds from doing so, until another man stepped in, shoving the tattooed man aside before he could land another punch on the girl.

Her lips parted with surprise, her eyes narrowing curiously at the tall man. Familiarity struck her and her palms began to sweat. 

It can’t be him.

Her heart stuttered, her breathing shaking as he turned, revealing his face and she could no longer deny it. She would know that kind face anywhere. 

He was here.

Memories of him came rushing back like a mirage. Memories she had tried so hard to suppress ever since they parted ways all those years ago. 

A wave of emotion hit her strongly, blurring her vision with suppressed tearst. She slunk back into the throng of people behind her, disappearing into the crowd before he could see her. 

Thankfully, the doors opened, a loud noise that startled the others, and a line of guards entered, taking all the attention in the room. 

They began to explain the rules of the game, diverting the many concerned questions and accusations that were thrown at them. But she didn’t listen. She couldn’t. Her eyes remained on his back that faced her. 

Her heart ached, a longing for him that never seemed to go away, but had been diluted in his long absence in her life, growing exponentially.

The last she heard he was married and had a daughter. She wondered what could have possibly happened to lead him here, with the likes of her. 

Shaking her head, she forced herself to focus on the game, the thing that would potentially change her life for the better. But every few seconds, her eyes would drift back to him, like a reflex she couldn’t stop no matter how hard she tried. 

Soon, the hundreds of players were lined up, each of them signing a consent form that outlined the rules.

Everyone was on edge, the reality of just how strange this all seemed crashing down on them, but the promise of money was too good to pass up. 

At the front of the line, Gi-hun finished signing his name, his worried eyes looking over the simple consent form once more, as if expecting the words to change, to suddenly reveal what he was getting himself into. 

With a heavy sigh and a weary look to the masked guards in front of him, he took a step back and began to make his way to the back of the line. His eyes wandered over the many faces he passed, curiously wondering what each of them did to end up here. 

He stopped in his tracks suddenly, his eyes going wide. He blinked a few times, as if making sure the woman he saw was truly there. that it wasn’t just his selfish mind making him see things he desperately wanted.

His heart began to pound in his chest, a nervous rhythm that became familiar to him as a teen whenever she was close. An excitement built within him, one that never seemed to fail to rise at the thought of her. Even after all those years.

It was her.

He stumbled forward, his feet eagerly taking him towards her. An involuntary smile began to grow at the sight of her. She was still as beautiful as the last day he saw her, the day both their hearts irreparably broke. 

He called out to her excitedly, his heart stuttering as she turned to face him, her eyes meeting his for the first time in years. 

“You… you’re here.” He stammered nervously.

“Yeah.” She responded dryly, quickly turning back to face the line in front of her, pointedly avoiding his eyes. 

His smile fell instantly at her unenthused tone. He had thought of this moment for years, of finally seeing her again. It wasn’t exactly unfolding the way he pictured. He had thought of what he would say to her, how he would tell her how much he missed her, how much he regretted the way things ended, how he should’ve ran after her. 

But as he looked at her emotionless expression he found all words lost to him.

He opened his mouth, but found nothing could come out as she walked past him, making her way to the front table to sign her own form. 

Gi-hun watched helplessly as she brushed him off without another word. 

His eyes never strayed from her as they were ushered out of the enormous room to begin the first game. He looked out for her in the colourful maze of stairways, his heart beginning to race as he lost sight of her. 

A familiar protectiveness rose within him. The last he heard about her, she was living in Seoul, working for a successful financial company. For her to be here, knocking elbows with people like him, people who had nothing, something had to have gone wrong. 

The thought upset him. It worried him to think about what she had been up to in the years apart. The only reason he hadn’t gone after her, the reason they had broken up, was because he figured she’d be better off in the big city without him.

The thought that he had been wrong was one that shook him deeply.

She had managed to avoid him, it became easy when the group found their way into a painted courtyard. The giant doll at the other end was particularly unsettling and thoughts of her previous failed relationship were slipping away as her unease grew larger with each passing second.

The voice on the speaker explained the first game, causing questioning murmurs to be heard amongst the group. 

Red Light, Green Light. She wanted to roll her eyes. She didn’t understand all the secrecy they were putting them through just for a child’s game. Oh well, she thought to herself, at least making money will be easy.

The doll began to sing and they all moved forward slowly, still slightly confused about why exactly they were wasting time on such a childish game. She halted in her tracks as the doll stopped singing, anticipation growing at the prospect of the money that waited for her after this.

A noise she had never heard before sounded, making her flinch. It rang in her ears, making the hairs on the back of her neck rise as a twisted thought came to her mind. It couldn’t be what she thought it was, she assured herself. The thought was too dark to fathom.

The doll began to sing again and the players all moved forward tentatively. As the singing stopped and they all froze, there was a tense moment of silence before another shot rang out. 

The man in front of her fell to the ground and the woman beside her, now bathed in bright red blood, screamed in terror. 

Her mouth dropped open in shock and she jumped, repressing a scream as the woman’s head exploded in a wave of blood. 

Her limbs shook as she fought hard to stay standing, to not make a move. Her eyes squeezed shut as the rapid gunfire sounded, though it wasn’t loud enough to drown out the horrified screams of the players as they were gunned down, as they begged for their lives.

After agonizing seconds, what seemed like hours, the gunfire ceased, leaving only the sound of whimpers and soft cries in the wake of the screams.

Green light.

She moved slowly, barely making it two steps on her shaking legs.

Red light. 

She pursed her lips, stifling a whimper as more gunshots rang out around her. 

It continued on and on, more and more people executed the closer they got to the finish line. As others around her moved, for reasons she couldn’t explain, she turned her head to look behind her, but flinched when a hand on her arm stopped her. 

“Don’t.” Gi-hun whispered. “Don’t look back.”

A shaking breath escaped her, his touch a steady and anchoring reminder to continue forward despite her fear. 

As the doll began to sing again, Gi-hun guided her forward quickly, helping her move on her unsteady feet. She raced forward, feeling somewhat and strangely comforted knowing she had him by her side, knowing he was there with her. 

There were only seconds left. She sprinted forward across the finish line, leaning on her knees as she panted heavily. She looked behind her, only to see Gi-hun suspended mid air, the man behind him the only thing keeping him from falling, keeping him alive.

Her stomach dropped, an unusual dread settling in the pit of her stomach. She eyed the clock, her lips trembling at the thought that she’d have to watch the man she once loved die horribly. 

His eyes lifted slowly, meeting hers from across the finish line, terror pouring out of his gaze. 

Green light.

Gi-hun sprinted forward and dove across the finish line with only a second to spare. Without thinking, she fell to her knees beside him, her hands fussing over him as she helped him sit up. His stunned expression looked out into the courtyard, like he couldn’t believe that he had actually made it.

His wide eyes looked up to meet hers and she tensed slightly, suddenly realizing how close they were. His face fell ever so slightly as she practically jumped away from him. 

His racing heart didn’t calm, even as she stayed by his side as they were corralled back into the main room. 

His adrenaline was pumping erratically and he found himself almost twitching in his spot as he followed her to sit next to her on the bunks, not wanting to keep any distance between them, not after the bloodshed they’d just witnessed.

Sang-woo joined them, his surprised gaze landing on her briefly before shaking himself of his shock and taking a seat with them. He hadn’t seen her in ages, not since she and Gi-hun had broken up. 

“I didn’t know you were here.” He said sadly, but she didn’t acknowledge him, her shocked expression remaining frozen on her face. He looked over at his old friend, as if asking for help on what to do next, how to deal with her in this state they’d never seen her in before.

“Thank you, both of you. You saved my life.” Gi-hun spoke earnestly to Sang-woo and the player who had stopped him from falling. The stranger smiled weakly and nodded in acknowledgement.

“I’m glad you’re alive. All of you.” He replied kindly.

Gi-hun’s eyes drifted down to her, who remained still beside him. His brow furrowed in worry, his stomach clenching nervously.

“Are you ok?” Gi-hun asked her softly, his hand slowly creeping towards her before he thought better of it and pulled it back to lay on his lap limply.

She didn’t respond, her sightless gaze remaining forward. Gi-hun sighed and scooted closer to her, pulling his sleeve over his hand and he gently began to wipe the blood splatter from her cheek.

She winced as he brushed over her old bruise that was still tender, flinching away from him harshly. Gi-hun pulled back immediately, as if he had been burned and he looked at her with concern.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” 

She shook her head wordlessly, not wanting to reveal her truth. Gi-hun and Sang-woo had always been protective of her growing up. She wasn’t about to divulge all the skeletons in her closet about her boyfriend, not unless she wanted more chaos to erupt.

But she couldn’t deny how the affectionate gesture, one she hadn’t felt in so long, ignited a burning fire within her, one that ached for more.

Wrapping her arms around herself protectively, she curled in on herself, feeling numb about everything that had just unfolded. She was having trouble comprehending just what had happened. 

She had never seen someone die before, let alone that many innocent people and so brutally. She didn’t even watch crime shows, they were too gory for her liking.

Remaining quiet, she passively watched as people fell to their knees, begging the guards when they returned to set them free, to spare their lives. Her thoughts were a whirlwind of disgust and horror, yet, the helpless feeling remained. 

By Sang-woo’s quick thinking, the players were put up to a vote. Stay or end the game. Gi-hun was the first to vote and she watched, with barely constrained relief as he voted to leave. He was a gentle and kind man and he had no place in this sick and twisted game.

She watched as more and more people voted, the decision becoming split down the middle. All too soon, it was her time to vote. Her mind raced as she stepped up to the podium, weighing her options carefully.

On one hand, she could die brutally, for no purpose at all. 

On the other hand, the outside world was just as cruel to her. Her boyfriend had just as much potential to kill her as the bastards here did. He was an unhinged man and her unexpected absence would surely create a brutal outcome for her the second she stepped back in that small town of hers.

She couldn’t go back to him.

Swallowing the lump in her throat she shakily reached out, pressing the green button. 

Gi-hun’s piercing gaze was on her, she could feel it as she walked to the other side of the room and she kept her head down to avoid those kind eyes that always made her melt. He wouldn’t understand her decision. In a way, she didn’t want him to.

She didn’t want him to know anything about her life now. 

She kept her eyes forward, even as she heard his soft voice whispering apologies to the other players as he pushed his way through the crowd to get to her.

“What the hell was that? What did you just do?” He hissed in her ear frantically.

“What I had to.” 

He said her name in exasperation, fear seeping into his voice. “You can’t stay here. You can’t do this, I won’t let you.”

She turned to look at him, her eyes fierce and stern. “You lost the right to tell me what to do a long time ago.” 

Gi-hun gaped at her in shock, surprised by the fire in her tone. He had always known her as a bubbly, outgoing girl who always strived to find the positive side. This woman he was seeing now was far from the woman he knew and loved all those years ago.

His heart ached to think of what happened to make her so jaded. 

He remained by her side silently for the rest of the voting. They both watched with racing hearts and sinking stomachs as the old man, the deciding vote, stepped up to the podium. 

Half the room cheered in elation, relieved for their lives as the old man voted to leave the game, sealing the majority. She watched stoically, her eyes filling with tears. 

Her fate was sealed. He would surely kill her, faster than the games ever could.

~~

With a grunt of pain, she fell to the hard ground, barely clothed and tied at the wrists and ankles. She shivered fiercely and rolled onto her side, rubbing her head against her arm to worm the blindfold off her eyes. 

She turned to see the young woman who the tattooed man had thrown around was beside her, with Gi-hun on her other side. 

“Can you untie me?” She asked the young woman who nodded minutely and with her teeth, she tore through the binds on her wrist. As soon as she was free, she quickly undid the binds around her ankles and reached out to take the blindfold off the girl.

Gi-hun cried out in fright, begging to be untied as she undid the binds on the young girl. 

“Relax, I’m right here.” She assured him, moving to take his blindfold off and ignoring the swell of emotions inside her when he looked up at her with pure relief. She moved to take off his binds when the girl stopped her. 

“Don’t bother with him.” 

“What?!” Gi-hun yelled angrily, squirming in place uncomfortably, desperately trying to wrench his way out of the ties.

Narrowing her eyes in confusion, she looked at the young girl as she redressed. “He’s just gonna hassle me for his cash again.”

“Of course I’m gonna hassle you! She stole from me.” He turned to his old lover, hoping to convince her to untie him, to not listen to the young girl.

She just looked between Gi-hun and the girl curiously, pondering her decision. 

“Ok, fine, forget about the money.” He added quickly, sensing he wasn’t going to sway her. “I swear on my mother, I’ll forget the whole thing.” 

The young girl eyed him contemplatively for a few seconds before huffing and rolling her eyes, turning on her heel to leave.

With a sigh, she untied Gi-hun’s binds and the second he was released, he sprung up to his feet, pushing past her to get to the young girl, accosting her for his money. She watched the man she once knew with wide eyes, his behaviour confusing her. 

The young girl took a step back and watched with a shake of her head. “That’s all your mother means to you?” 

“Hey!” She called out, stopping the young girl as she began to walk away. “Are you gonna be ok?” She didn’t exactly feel good about letting her walk alone in the dead of night, especially after what they’d just been through.

“I’m fine.” The young girl answered stiffly and with a final brief glance in her direction, which could barely pass for gratitude, she walked away from the exes. 

With a heavy breath, she began to dress herself, keeping her eyes away from Gi-hun as he did the same. As soon as she was dressed, she slowly turned to face him, her brain working out his erratic behaviour earlier.

“You’ve become greedy.” She noted quietly, looking at him strangely, like she was trying to work out all his secrets, what led him to be this person he is today.

“You’ve become cold.” He replied bitterly, looking back at her intently.

Her face hardened, suddenly feeling like her insides were collapsing. To hear that, especially from him, was like a slap to the face. Gi-hun’s face fell, noticing the sadness that crossed over her expression. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-” He sighed, shaking his head. This really wasn’t what he pictured when he thought of seeing her again. This was nothing like the romantic reunion he had built up in his head. 

She turned on her heel, her pace quick as she walked away from him. 

He called out to her, stopping her before she could leave and she slowly turned back to face him.

“I don’t want you to leave like this.”

She stiffened at the soft tone in his voice and took in a shuddering breath, unable but to remember all of their good times together, back when they were young and in love. It hurt to be around him now with how unhappy she was in her current relationship.

He was her first love, the man she considered to be the love of her life. But they didn’t work out. She had to remember that. 

“Can I see you again?” He asked tentatively, his shyness reminding her of the first time he had ever asked her out on a date. His nervous tone was just as adorable as his teenage bashfulness had been.

She clenched her jaw, looking down at her shoes to avoid looking at his eyes. “That’s not a good idea.”

“Why?”

She continued walking, refusing to answer his question and forcing her eyes to stay forward as he called out to her desperately. The sadness in his voice made her squeeze her eyes shut, the ache in her chest growing until she worried it would stop her breathing. 

She didn’t dare turn back or she knew she’d cave.

~~

For the second time, classical music woke her from her drugged state. 

Opening her bleary eyes, she held back a groan as her left eye immediately began to throb. She sat up, keeping her head bowed downwards to avoid those around her from seeing her latest bruise. 

Her boyfriend had not been happy with her unexplained absence. It had almost been a relief to get into that van to bring her back, to take her from one prison to another. 

She began to walk down the stairs when a voice from behind stopped her.

“That looks bad.” 

She turned to find the young girl eyeing her carefully. The way the girl looked at her made her stiffen, as if she could read all of her secrets with just one look. 

“I’m fine.” She shrugged and continued on her way. 

She looked around at the people in the room, noting how full it was, how most had come back to play the game. She heard her name called out and she sighed heavily in annoyance. Peering over her shoulder, she noticed Sang-woo waving her over. 

“Fuck.” She whispered under her breath and began to slowly make her way over. She knew she wouldn’t be able to hide her bruise for very long, she thought she may as well get the inevitable over with.

As she got closer, Sang-woo’s expression fell into one of horror when he saw her black eye and he stepped towards her instantly, getting a closer look.

“Shit, what happened?” 

Gi-hun was up on his feet in a second, rushing towards her. His hands grabbed her shoulders as he looked at her intently. His face was dark with anger, his eyes holding a sorrow she’d never seen on him before.

“Who did this to you?” He asked desperately. She froze, her mind going blank, unable to think of a lie. He shook his head angrily. “It was those guards, wasn’t it? Bunch of assholes.” He muttered, gritting his teeth together.

She just nodded, unable to tell him the truth. 

“Are you alright, Miss?” The man behind them spoke up, looking at her in concern.

She ignored the slight warming of her heart for his kindness and nodded with a weak smile.

“I’m ok.”

The man smiled and held out his hand. “I’m Ali. It’s nice to meet you.” 

She gave him her name and shook his hand politely. “You too.”

Gi-hun’s eyes stayed on hers, the sight of the bruise marring her beautiful face like a punch to the gut. “Are you sure you’re ok?” He asked her, unable but to continue to worry about her. 

She blushed slightly, remembering how much of a worrier he was. She just crossed her arms over her chest and shrugged in response, pushing past the feelings it arose in her. 

“It’s nothing. I barely feel it.” She lied to him again. 

“We’re making a team.” Sang-woo chimed in, changing the subject once he sensed her discomfort. “Wanna join us?” 

She shifted on her feet, looking at the excited faces of the men in front of her. Unease settled within her. She was carrying so many secrets and she knew in an environment like this, it was easy to bare your soul to those around you. 

She couldn’t let that happen.

“No, it’s ok. I’m fine on my own.”

“What? No, you can’t.” Gi-hun argued, looking down at her like she was crazy for refusing. He sighed her name and gripped her shoulder again. “Come on, just stay with us.” 

She moved out from his touch and straightened her shoulders. “I’m not here for you, Gi-hun.” 

Gi-hun could’ve sworn he heard his heart crack as she walked away from him. He moved to go after her, but Sang-woo stopped him.

“Give her some space.” 

Holding back every instinct that told him to ignore him and finally go after her, he stayed rooted in his spot, his worried eyes watching her for a moment before sighing and moving to sit back down next to Ali.

“You all know each other from before?” Ali asked curiously and all Gi-hun could do was nod in response.

“They used to date.” Sang-woo told him, knowing Gi-hun wouldn’t bring it up. Ali’s eyes widened, his gaze moving from Gi-hun to the woman across the room. The man’s sad expression suddenly made all the sense in the world.

~~

She had managed to stay alone for her time there. There was too much at stake for her to make friends, for her to let Gi-hun back into her life, so she stayed to herself, keeping everyone at arm’s length.

Soon enough, it was time for the second game.

The crowd of players were herded out of the room and through the maze of stairways again, unease churning in her stomach as they were led into a room that looked like a playground. 

“Choose one of the four shapes and stand behind it.” The voice over the loudspeaker instructed. 

Slowly, players began to section off, lining up behind the four shapes posted on the wall. 

Biting her lip in contemplation, she eyed the shapes intently, her mind racing over which to choose. She figured, no matter what the game would be, the circle was the simplest shape to choose and she moved to stand in line with the others behind the circle on the wall.

Once every player had made their choice, the doors opened, revealing a table full of closed cases. Each of them grabbed their case and revealed their shapes stamped into a honeycomb with only a needle to work with. 

As soon as the clock started, the energy in the room shifted as everyone got to work. 

Tracing the edges of the circle carefully, she ignored the ache in her back as she hunched over and the stiffness in her fingers as she worked diligently. 

The first shot rang out, causing gasps to sound around the room. 

She breathed deeply, forcing herself not to think too hard about what was going on around her, lest she spiral, and she continued to work. 

Loud, panicked breaths sounded from beside her and she raised her head slowly, finding Ali whose hands were trembling as he carved out the circle. 

“Hey,” She whispered, getting his attention, his worried gaze meeting hers. “Just breathe. Take it slow.” 

He let out a long breath and nodded, forcing himself to calm his fried nerves. He looked to her gratefully and smiled softly. 

More shots fired, echoing in the quiet room. She flinched each time, her body only becoming more rigid and tense with each one. Looking down at her honeycomb, she knew she was almost done, the circle almost completely free. 

Across the room, Gi-hun was panicked as he tried to carve out the umbrella with little luck. The clock was running out quickly and each passing second only made him more anxious. 

“Player 392, pass.”

Gi-hun’s hands stopped, that was her number. 

He looked up in time to see her beginning to make her way out of the room. Her eyes roamed around the players remaining until she landed on him, finding his gaze already on her. She paled, her expression falling when she saw he had the umbrella. 

A gunshot sounded making her jump in fright and tear her eyes away, her pace quickening to get her out of the room and away from the massacre. 

Gi-hun let out a shaking breath and looked back down at his honeycomb, continuing to work with shaking hands. 

Back in the common room, she was pacing anxiously. She’d seen the young girl pass, Sang-woo and Ali had passed, but there was still no sign of Gi-hun or the old man. 

She knew being back in the game would be hard, but the thought of losing Gi-hun, even if they weren’t together, hurt more than she thought it would. Even after all the time apart, he still held a place in her heart, one she could no longer deny.

The doors suddenly opened and the rest of the players stepped through, the second game finally over. 

As soon as her eyes landed on Gi-hun who was happily greeting Sang-woo and Ali, the hand that felt like it was clenched around her heart loosened, a loud sigh escaping her. 

Across the room, his eyes met hers and he smiled at her warmly, the worry he felt for her growing tenfold when he received only a weak one back. 

He kept his distance from her, giving her the space she clearly wanted from him. As much as he longed to reach out to her, as much as he wanted her back in his arms, he forced himself to stay away. 

But he couldn’t deny how worried he was for her. She was so different from the person he once knew and it was getting harder to push aside his concern for her, especially after seeing her black eye.

As mealtime came, she sequestered herself to sitting alone on her bunk with her measly food that could barely be considered a meal. She noticed the young girl making her way up the bunk stairs, looking for a place to sit.

“Hey,” She called out, catching her attention. “Wanna sit?”

“Why?”

“Call it curiosity?” 

The young girl hesitantly sat next to her and they began to eat in silence. She looked at the woman beside her intently, looking at the bruise under her eye with a wince and scanned the rest of her face for any more marks. 

She noticed a faint mark on her neck but quickly looked away when the woman looked over at her.

The young girl then noticed the man she had often seen around the woman, the man she had pickpocketed, spare them a brief glance before quickly averting his gaze before the woman could notice.

“Why aren’t you with your friend?” 

“My friend?”

“The man you untied. You know him.” The young girl surmised quickly. 

She smirked slightly, amused by the young girl’s perceptiveness. She was smart, that was for sure, but she wasn’t going to answer. 

“What’s your name?”

“What’s yours?” The girl countered quickly.

With another smirk she gave the girl her name and then looked at her pointedly. 

“Kang Sae-byeok.” She finally answered quietly. 

“So why are you here?”

“My brother.”

“Is he in jail or something?”

“No… a shelter.” 

She straightened and looked at Sae-byeok with sorrow, not having expected her answer. “Oh.” She replied quietly. 

Sae-byeok pointed to her black eye. “Is that why you’re here?”

She nodded wordlessly, the simple gesture enough to give all the information about her situation Sae-byeok needed. 

A commotion below broke their moment and they both watched as the tattooed man began to beat on a man who they had stolen food from. Every punch, every kick, he delivered made her flinch.

She pictured her boyfriend’s face as he would do the same to her. The hatred, malice and glee on their faces were similar and it made her want to crawl out of her skin. 

“Are you ok?” Sae-byeok asked, noticing how affected she seemed to be by the scene. Her face was twisted into one of agony, her eyes holding a faraway look, like she was trapped in a memory. 

“I’m fine.” She said monotonously and kept her eyes downwards, away from the violence in front of her, violence that was all too familiar to her. 

It wasn’t until the man was confirmed dead, as the guards came to take away his body, that she felt her resolve beginning to break, the loose grip she held on her emotions slipping away quickly. The reminder of why she was there, the exact scenario she feared for herself playing out in front of her, shook her to her core. 

She tightened her hands into fists to hide the fact that they were shaking. But Sae-byeok had seen. She knew how terrified she was.

The air in the room was tense, everyone untrusting of each other. Everyone knew a blowout was inevitable. 

Gi-hun approached the two women carefully, sparing a brief smile to his ex. He was taken aback by the tortured look in her eyes and his brow furrowed in worry. 

“Are you two alright?” He asked, but both women remained silent. “If anything happens tonight, we’re all meeting by my bed.” 

Sae-byeok looked at him contemplatively, refusing to give him an answer. He looked over at the woman he harboured complicated feelings for and he lowered himself so he was eye level with her, making her have no choice but to meet his eye.

“If you don’t feel safe, you come find me.”

His parting words made her throat tighten. He had no idea just how much she needed to hear those words years ago, before she got herself into this mess. He had no idea how many times she wanted to run her aching and bruised body back to him. 

With a shaking breath, a tear slipped out of her eye, which she swiped away quickly. But Sae-byeok saw and, despite her cold exterior, her face softened, looking at the woman with empathy. 

That night, it didn’t take long for chaos to erupt. It was barely a minute after the lights had turned off that the screaming started. 

Bolting upright in her bunk, she pressed herself back against the wall, barely able to make out the figures fighting in the darkness. 

No one was safe. Those that tried to hide were dragged out and beaten to death. Those that fought back either won or were outmatched. Either way, people were dropping like flies. 

Deciding it was time to find Gi-hun, she slowly made her way out of her bunk, her heart racing like a jackhammer as she tried to navigate her way through the violent chaos. She yelped, covering her mouth quickly, as two men passed by her, each of them throwing wicked punches. 

It was hitting too close to home. Violence was never something she was comfortable with, but having experienced it herself by a man that was supposed to love her, only made her more terrified of it.

Her panic began to rise to dangerous levels as she watched the players kill each other barbarically. She felt a tingle start in her hands, like pins and needles, and a heaviness in her chest, like her lungs were constricting, cutting off her breathing.

She raced towards where she knew Gi-hun was but was tackled to the floor. She screamed and tried to scramble out of the man’s grip that grabbed her tightly. Her struggle managed to knock him off balance, unable to keep his hold on her. 

She crawled away from him, but his sights remained on her and he advanced on her like a lion about to devour an antelope. Using all her might, she kicked her leg out, catching him in the crotch. 

He groaned in pain and fell to his knees, allowing her to slink away from him. 

She pushed people away from her as she ran, avoiding the fights as best as she could. 

When she finally spotted Gi-hun, her shoulders sank in relief. She raced forward and he barely had a second to comprehend her arrival before her arms were around him like vices. She choked out a sob and Gi-hun was stunned for a moment, looking down at her, worried she had been hurt before he finally snapped out of it and hugged her back tightly. 

“It’s ok, you’re ok, I’m right here.” He whispered in her ear soothingly. “Stay behind me, ok?” 

She nodded and allowed him to break their embrace to stand in front of her. She gripped onto his shirt tightly, not letting him leave even an inch of space between them. 

His body stiffened under touch and before she could stop him, he was pushing both her and Sae-byeok out of the way and throwing himself at the tattooed man who had come after them. 

“Gi-hun!” She screamed in terror as the thug hit him. 

Thankfully both Ali and Sang-woo joined their sides, taking a stance against the tattooed man’s group. She quickly helped Sae-byeok back to her feet, holding onto her tightly. Gi-hun found his place back in front of her protectively, shielding her from the other group’s gaze.

The tattooed man scoffed in disgust. “Why are you bothering? It’s better for you too with fewer people.” 

“They’re with us.” Was all he said in retaliation, the threat in his words clear. 

Suddenly, the lights turned on and the armed guards stormed into the room, firing off a volley of shots in warning to stop the fighting. She took a step closer to Gi-hun, remaining by his side as the guards collected the bodies of all the fallen players. 

Their group stayed together, making sure to look out for one another in case any more fights started. 

“You should get some rest, you look tired.” Gi-hun told her.

“I don’t think I can sleep.” She mumbled, her eyes glued to the puddles of blood that stained the floor. She found her hands still trembling from the panic that had overtaken her. She couldn’t stop picturing her own monster in her life, she couldn’t stop seeing his face in the crowd of killers.

Despite her anxieties, her exhaustion won out in the end. As the others engaged in small conversations, her eyes drifted closed, her head leaning heavily on Gi-hun’s shoulder as she fell into a much needed sleep.

Gi-hun, who was in the middle of a conversation with Ali, looked down at her, smiling softly when he saw her peaceful expression in sleep. He fought the growing urge to kiss her forehead. He remembered how much she used to love when he did that.

His smile turned sad and he wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her close to him, making sure she wouldn’t slip from his body as she slept. 

A chuckle caught his attention and he looked up to find the old man looking at them fondly.

“You two make a sweet couple.” 

Gi-hun blushed fiercely, his eyes going wide as he stammered out a nonsense response. The old man raised a hand to stop him, his knowing smile never wavering.

“I’ve lived on this earth long enough to know two people in love when I see it.”

Gi-hun felt like his cheeks were going to burn right off. He was sure his heart skipped a few beats at the implication. He knew he still had feelings for her. They never left him, not even after all these years apart. 

She somehow was always on his mind.

He cleared his throat and shifted slightly in his spot, feeling awkward with the sudden attention on him. But he never let go of her. He wouldn’t disturb her.

As the night wore on, he found it harder and harder to stay awake. He soon found his head slipping, sleep pulling him in closer and closer. He finally gave in, resting his head against hers that was still against his shoulder and fell into a deep sleep.

What felt like only seconds later, Gi-hun woke to the familiar sound of classical music. His eyes still felt heavy and the desire to let them fall right back closed and sleep again was tempting. 

He looked down and smiled when he saw she was still by his side, still resting on his shoulder peacefully. She woke slowly, groaning as she was pulled from her dream. She rubbed her eyes and yawned, her eyes slowly drifting open with a great effort.

The moment she noticed him beside her, how close they were, she went rigid, looking up at him in disbelief. Her eyes went wide when she realized she’d used him as a pillow the entire night. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“No, no, it’s ok.” He interrupted, finding her apology unnecessary. “I was happy to do it.” 

The charming smile on his face made her stomach twist with nerves, nerves she hadn’t felt since she was a teenager. Damn him, still making her have that childish reaction. 

She yawned again, still feeling exhausted despite the hours she’d gotten and Gi-hun smiled.

“Still not a morning person?”

She laughed softly and shook her head. “I don’t think I’ll ever grow out of it.”

“The third game will begin momentarily.” The voice on the speaker sounded. “Follow the staff’s instructions and proceed to the game hall.”

Their smiles fell instantly, their soft moment long forgotten as they stood from the bunks and followed the guards out of the room and through the maze of staircases. They were instructed to form teams of ten for the next game.

She stayed out of the way, watching as Gi-hun and Sang-woo argued back and forth about the possibilities of what they were going up against. It went without saying that she and Sae-byeok were now a part of their team, that they only needed to find four more people.

Suppressing the roll of her eyes was hard when Sang-woo insisted they only bring in men. It wasn’t until she heard him say they have too many women on their team already that she had to step in. 

“The games so far have been about strategy, not strength.” She chimed in, looking at her old friend sternly, the displeasure fierce in her expression. 

“She’s right.” Gi-hun said, turning to look at Sang-woo smugly.

Sang-woo sighed and bowed his head. “We can’t risk our lives. Find four men to bring into our group.” He finalized. 

With that, the group disbanded, searching for more teammates. By the end of it, they had managed to find two more men to join, while Sae-byeok recruited another young woman to their team. 

Gi-hun went around the group, only counting nine members and he frowned deeply. “We’re missing one.”

“No you’re not!” The cheery voice called out, making them all collectively hold back a groan as Mi-nyeo joined their group. 

The abrasive woman pushed her to sit in between her and Gi-hun and looked around at the men with a charming smile.

“You boys are lucky. I’ll be much more useful than these scrawny little girls.” She told them, sending a sneer to her, Sae-byeok and the girl she recruited. 

The clock sounded, signalling they were out of time to pick their team. They were stuck with the annoying wild card. With heavy footsteps all of the teams followed the guards out of the room. 

As a set of grand doors opened, there were frightened murmurs amongst the players as they saw two platforms set up hundreds of feet above the ground. 

“Welcome to the third game. You’re going to play tug-o-war.”

“Fuck.” She whispered under her breath, her stomach twisting into knots. Their team was doomed. 

All the players sat as the guards pulled numbers, picking the first two teams to play first. A collective exhale was heard in their group as their number wasn’t called. The tattooed man’s team went first and there was a twisted part of her that begged for him to lose.

The players sat watching were left to stare in horror as the two groups were locked in to the rope. Everyone was tense, nervous anticipation settling over them all as they watched the first round play out.

It was no surprise that the tattooed man and his stacked team won easily. 

She turned her head, averting her gaze from the sight of the other team falling to their death. Their screams lingered in her ears long after it fell silent. She could hear the terrified panting breaths of the players around her who looked on in fear. 

“The next team to play is team 4.” The guards called out, holding up their number from the lot. 

On unsteady legs, they all stood, their faces drawn tightly with worry. The team beside them was then picked as their opponents and as they all stood, she looked to the man who stood beside her, noting how much taller and muscular he was compared to her.

A numb feeling settled in her stomach, almost like resolution, like she had already accepted her fate.

They walked towards the tower, the previous team passing as they did. She practically shrunk in on herself as the tattooed man sneered at her as he passed. 

Thoughts of her boyfriend were brought up again and a sort of calm washed over her. She always knew this could be the outcome. She told herself to be ok with it, because at least she would be away from him. 

He would never lay a hand on her again, this game would make sure of it.

The lift up to the platform was tense, each of the players on the team fearing the outcome. Beside her Gi-hun stood tense. She felt his hand brush against hers and she looked up at him, finding his questioning gaze on hers, as if he were asking for permission.

Swallowing thickly, she grabbed his hand, holding it tightly and intertwining their fingers. 

If this was it, if they were left to leave this unspoken thing between them unresolved, she at least wanted the last bit of affection she could get from him.

“Don’t be so dispirited.” The old man spoke up, breaking the tense silence among the team. “Tug-o-war isn’t really about strength. With a good strategy and good teamwork, you can win, even if your team is weaker.” 

She perked up, just the slightest, as her previous words to Sang-woo - which were honestly more to get him to shut about women not being strong - ran through her mind again. 

“Let’s hear him out.” Gi-hun defended the old man as the others immediately wrote him off. From there, they devised a plan. With all of the advice the old man could give, by the time they made it up to the platform, they were ready.

She found herself in front of Sae-byeok, in the middle of the pack. Trying her best to calm her nerves as her hands were locked into the cuffs attached to the rope, she found her gaze moving to search for Gi-hun. 

He looked back at her, a soft smile appearing, though it was weaker than normal. He was scared. 

She nodded to him, the only assuring gesture she could manage. Their moment was brief and it was soon time to begin. She planted her feet firmly on the floor, wrenching the rope up under her armpit, her hands wrapped tightly around it. 

The second the gunshot rang out, signalling the start of the round, they all leaned back, holding strongly against their opponents. 

Her hands already began to burn at the resistance, but she held strongly, not giving an inch. 

The second Gi-hun saw the slip in the first opponent on the other team, he yelled out to pull and they began to tug with all their might. They yelled and grunted as they exerted their strength, pulling and pulling until their arms ached. 

They gained the upper hand quickly, but as quickly as it came, it began to slip away. Their feet slid against the floor, getting closer to the edge. 

“Do something!” Mi-nyeo screamed in desperation. 

“When I give the signal, take three steps forward!” Sang-woo ordered. 

Even she had to agree with the annoying woman when she called Sang-woo crazy, but they had no other option. 

On his count, they all ran forward and stopped, catching their opponents off guard, making them lose their balance. She yelled out in horror as Gi-hun dangled at the edge of the platform on one foot, only one step from falling.

They tugged with all of their might, pulling them all back from the edge and dragging the other team forward. The upper hand was theirs again and it only took a few more seconds of pulling for the other team to fall off the edge. 

As soon as the rope was cut, they all fell to the floor, their chests heaving with panting breaths. 

~~

Back in the room, they all felt numb. This was the first game where they were directly responsible for the failure of others, responsible for their deaths. It was hitting everyone hard. Well, except for Mi-nyeo. Their victory put her on cloud nine.

She exuberantly acted out their strategy with the biggest smile on her face, acting as though she deserved all the credit. 

Sensing that the team was getting tired of her ministrations, the tired and annoyed expressions on their faces were very telling, she decided to finally ask the question that had been lingering in her mind. 

“So, what’s the deal with you two?” Mi-nyeo asked, pointing her finger between the used to be lovers. 

“What?” She asked dumbly, hoping to god this conversation wasn’t going where she thought it was going.

“You know… are you two…” Mi-nyeo made an obscene gesture with her hands, signalling sex and winked at Gi-hun suggestively. 

Gi-hun blushed fiercely, his eyes going wide as he floundered for words. 

“Alright, I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” She spoke up, standing from her spot and moving quickly to make her exit. 

She didn’t really have to, but she would’ve done anything to get away from that conversation. She could hear Mi-nyeo reminding Gi-hun that she was available if he wasn’t already taken. Her jaw clenched as she held back from storming back and giving the annoying woman a piece of her mind, but she stayed on course, her anger simmering as she made it to the bathroom.

She splashed some water on her face and slowly raised her gaze to look at herself in the small mirror. Her black eye was fading gradually, but the bags under her eyes were larger than before. 

Her mind wandered to Gi-hun and the tension between them. She never expected to see him again, let alone in a place like this. She didn’t know how to act around him, she didn’t know how to deal with her conflicting emotions.

On the one hand, she figured they’d both be better off if they kept their distance, but on the other hand, she couldn’t deny what she felt for him, what she’d always felt for him. 

It was hard to be around someone you once loved dearly, it was hard to be reminded of a relationship that ended, not because of a lack of love, but of circumstance. 

It was hard to face him with those feelings still very much there.

~~

As the clock counted down the minutes until lights out, each formed team was setting up barricades around their sleeping area, preparing for another night of violence. 

Gi-hun watched as his ex spoke with Ali as they set up the bunks. The wide, gleaming smile on her face as they chatted made his stomach flip pleasurably. 

The love he had for her lay dormant inside of him, more than ready to flourish and given all to her. But she was different with him. He didn’t know how to approach her anymore. 

With a heavy sigh, he tore his gaze from her and continued building makeshift walls around them.

As Ali moved to help Gi-hun, Sang-woo took his place by her side, eyeing his old friend curiously. 

“He never forgot you.”

She turned to face Sang-woo with a confused expression, slightly on edge that her failed relationship with Gi-hun was brought up once again.

“After you guys broke up, Gi-hun was a mess. It took him a long time to get over it. But he never really moved on.”

“He got married, didn't he? Seems like he moved on just fine.”

“He got divorced too.” Sang-woo told her simply. He smiled lightly at her shocked expression and patted her shoulder. “You were always the one for him. Everyone knew it.” 

He parted with those words, leaving her to linger on the truth, a truth that changed everything. 

It was hard to sleep that night with those words on her mind. It was everything she ever wanted to hear, but things were different now. They had to be. She couldn’t run back into his arms, not now with the deadly game hanging over their heads, not with him still in her life, so close to ruining her for good.

Soon enough, it was her turn to keep watch for the night and as she said goodnight to Ali, giving him a warm smile, it faded as she saw Sang-woo waking Gi-hun for his turn. Of course, they would put the two of them together.

Gi-hun paused slightly when he saw she was his partner for the night and he felt butterflies fluttering within him, making him nervous to be around her, like she was a new crush, not a person he had a long and loving history with.

It was awkwardly silent between them as they both stared out into the dark room, both of their minds racing, not even really paying much attention to the people they were supposed to be on guard for. 

She spared a look over at her ex, noticing the tortured sadness in his eyes. It was clear he’d had a trying past couple of years. 

“Are you ok?” She whispered, making him jump slightly as he was torn out of his thoughts. He schooled his expression and nodded lightly. 

“I’m fine.” 

“What were you thinking about?”

He hesitated slightly, bowing his head in deep thought. “Before… what led me here.”

She stayed silent, allowing him to either continue if he wanted or stay silent and move on. But he chose to continue, something she was grateful for.

“I lost my job a while back. We all went on strike, but it did nothing.” He took in a shuddering breath, his gaze locked onto his hands that fidgeted in his lap. “I couldn’t provide for my family, my marriage failed, I couldn’t even look after myself properly. I.. I started gambling. I lost everything and... I ended up here.” He admitted mournfully.

She listened intently, her expression one of understanding. She couldn’t deny that hearing the word marriage come out of his mouth sent an ache through her chest. It was hard to picture him with someone else. It hurt too much, more than she expected.

“What about you?” He asked, looking at her fully, eager to get the topic off of him and his failures. 

“What about me?” 

“I heard you were working at some finance company, that things had worked out for you. How’d you end up here?”

“How’d you know I worked in finance?” 

Gi-hun blushed slightly and looked away bashfully. “I, uhhh, I ran into your mother a few years back. I asked how you were doing.” 

A small smile grew on her face at how shyly he admitted to his interest in her life all those years ago. 

“Well, it didn’t last long.” She continued, putting him out of his misery by changing the subject. “The CEO got arrested for fraud and the entire company went under. I couldn’t find a job after that. No one wanted to hire me with that company name on my resumé.”

Gi-hun looked at her sadly, but it still didn’t explain what had changed her so much. 

“Did you ever get married, have any kids?” He asked, his voice stiff, his stomach churning slightly as he dreaded the answer.

“I was engaged once, about five years ago. But it didn’t work out.” She said softly, looking down at her hands to avoid looking at him. “I got cold feet a few months before the wedding. I couldn’t go through with it.”

She didn’t want to marry someone that wasn’t him. That was the convenient part she left out. 

“And no kids. Didn’t really see that happening for me after… well, you know.” She mumbled.

They had talked about having kids, they even had the names picked out. But, as their relationship unraveled, her desire to be a mother unraveled with it.

Gi-hun’s expression was twisted with sorrow. To know she couldn’t go through with the things he experienced with her in the back of his mind had guilt festering within him. 

“Did you ever get to see the world?” He asked quietly, his voice slightly strained. 

Her breath hitched at his question, the reason they had broken up. She wanted to travel and see the world while he was comfortable in their small town. 

“No.” 

The whispered word made his chest ache uncomfortably. The silence between them returned, the both of them ruminating on their shared stories, how their lives had changed so drastically since their separation.

“Can I ask you something?” She suddenly spoke up nervously and he nodded, looking at her intently. “Was I a good girlfriend?” 

Her boyfriend certainly didn’t seem to think so and, while she didn’t believe him at first, it was hard not to develop the insecurity after hearing it for so long. 

Gi-hun looked shocked by her question and he scoffed in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? You were… you were the best relationship I ever had. I was the luckiest man alive to be your boyfriend.” 

His words were honest and as their eyes met, the energy between them shifted dramatically, the unspoken tension between them pouring out in waves. He leaned in slowly, his eyes scanning her expression intently, only to find her leaning in to him, her eyes heavy with want.

Before either of them could rethink their actions their lips met in a soft, yet desperate kiss.

Fireworks erupted within both of them as they kissed for the first time in over a decade. The feeling of his lips on hers, the way he held her so gently, so lovingly, reminded her of how much she missed him, how much she missed his touch.

The kiss was short but sweet, they both pulled away quickly, remembering where they were. 

They both looked down, too bashful to meet each other’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”

“No, it’s ok.” She stopped his nervous rambling. She cleared her throat awkwardly and bit her lip to hide the smile that was threatening to break out. “It was a good kiss.” She mumbled quietly.

Gi-hun smiled widely, pride swelling within him, a feeling he hadn’t felt much in the last decade of his life. But with her it seemed easy. 

“Yeah, we never had a problem with that.” He nudged her playfully and the comfortable aura around them changed instantly when she winced in pain and held her side where he’d tapped her.

He had unintentionally hit the enormous bruise on her side, right where her boyfriend had kicked her the day before coming back to the game. 

Gi-hun’s eyes widened in panic and his hand hovered over her, unsure of how to help her. 

“Are you ok? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“No, it wasn’t you. I’m ok.” 

“What happened?” 

Tears swam in her eyes, his concern for her making threatening to break her. It only reminded her of the relationship she lost and of the horrible one she was stuck in now. 

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

Gi-hun said her name sternly and scooted closer to her, hesitantly reaching out to her. His hands began to lift her t-shirt but she stopped him, her hand catching his wrist tightly.

“Don’t.”

“What are you hiding from me?” 

“Nothing!”

Gi-hun looked at her plainly. “You’ve never been a good liar.” 

A heavy breath escaped her, he knew her too well to hide from him. She knew he wouldn’t give up, not with her safety in question. He was too damn sweet for his own good. 

With shaking hands, she gripped onto her shirt and lifted it slowly, revealing the purple and green bruises on her ribs. She could hear Gi-hun’s breath leave him in a soft gasp.

His eyes were filled with horror and his mouth opened and closed, but no words left him. 

“Wh- how did- who did this?” He stammered. Fear choked him, making him feel that he couldn’t breathe. The thought that someone was capable of hurting her, of being so violent with her, made him feel sick to his stomach.

She sniffled and he longed to pull her into his arms, hug her and never let go, but he could tell that wasn’t what she needed now.

“My boyfriend.” She admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. She expected to feel as though a weight was lifted from her shoulders as she told the truth, but she didn’t. The heartbreak on Gi-hun’s face didn’t give her any relief. 

“This is why you flinch every time someone touches you, isn’t it?” He asked stiffly. He’d notice how she’d cower from people. Suddenly her panicked state during the riots made complete sense.

The thought that the bastard of a man she called her boyfriend did this to her, just after he had seen her, when she was by his side, made his own tears start to brim in his eyes. 

“How long?”

“Gi-hun-”

“How long?” He asked again, his voice growing more stern the longer he feared the answer. There was a wild look in his eyes, his anger becoming fierce, energizing him. He almost couldn’t believe how much he was able to hate someone he hadn’t even met yet.

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

He spoke her name with desperation, taking her hands in his, holding them tightly. 

“Please, I can help you, I can-”

“You can’t do anything!” She snapped at him before slamming her mouth shut and looking around at the sleeping people around her, making sure she hadn’t woken them. She hadn’t meant to yell, but the mention of her boyfriend made her snap.

All good feelings Gi-hun had given her were gone in an instant at the mention of the monster in her life. She reverted back into a cold shell of a person. 

“Just leave it alone.” She whispered to him harshly.

The hurt look on his face had regret seeping through her, but she stood her ground, not budging an inch. 

“Just leave me alone. We’ve been broken up for a long time, we have no obligation to be friends. We’re just here to play the game.” She added coldly. 

Any headway they had made, any loving encounters they had shared, were gone, as if they’d never been there at all. She had closed him off completely, not even looking in his direction, and they were left to finish their watch in an unbearingly stifling silence.

They didn’t say a word to each other as they switched shifts, he didn’t even look her way.

He seemed to get the hint and he kept his distance, leaving her to stew in her own emotions by herself. 

She told herself this was what she wanted, what she had asked of him. But everytime she met his eyes and he quickly looked away was like a dagger in her heart. 

By the time the fourth game came around, the tension between them was noticeable. 

“Is everything ok?” Ali asked her quietly as they walked through the hallways to the next game. The concerned look on his face made her smile sadly and she placed her hand on his arm. 

“Don’t worry yourself about my stupid drama.”

“It’s not stupid if it’s upsetting you.” Ali told her and her smile faltered, not having expected the kind words. 

“Your wife is a lucky woman, Ali. You’re one of the good ones.” 

Ali smiled widely at the mention of his wife, which seemed a good enough distraction to end the conversation. 

As they were instructed by the guards to find a teammate for the next game, Gi-hun’s hopeful gaze met hers briefly, before it was washed away with a frown and he turned his back in search of another partner. 

Her harsh words the night before seemed to make her a pariah to him. She didn’t blame him. It only made her more upset at herself for how she treated him, for how she had ruined things between them.

As the fourth game revealed that the partners would play against each other, she couldn’t help but feel relieved beyond belief that she and Gi-hun hadn’t gravitated towards each other. If they hadn’t had their moment the night before, they probably would’ve stuck together.

She had never been so grateful for a fight before. 

Instead, she had paired up with a quiet, middle aged man who had belonged to another team. His hands shook throughout the entire game of marbles. He didn’t engage in conversation with her, refusing to even look at her, and, as she collected more of his marbles, he only became more reserved, barely showing any emotion, like he had already resigned himself to his failure.

As they completed the last round, his last marble falling into her hand, tears sprang to her eyes. She looked at the man with sorrow, noting the fear in his eyes. 

“I-I’m so sorry.” She whispered shakily. 

The man shook his head and reached out, placing his hand over hers. “Don’t be, Dear. It’s how the game goes. I don’t have much waiting for me out there anyways.”

She sniffled and squeezed his hand. The harsh reality that she had decided his fate settled over her darkly, making more tears fall down her cheeks. 

“Make sure you win this thing.” 

The guard approached them, motioning for her to move. With one last tearful look to the man, she stood from her spot, following the guard out of the room. She flinched, her lips trembling as a shot rang out behind her. 

She was one of the first few to pass and was left to wait for the rest of the winners. Few people trickled in over the next few minutes. 

The doors opened and Sang-woo stepped in, his shoulders hunched, his face blank of all emotion. 

Her heart dropped to her stomach, her throat closing tightly. Ali had been his partner. She pursed her lips, trying not to make any sound as she began to cry, tears steadily falling down her cheeks and short, jagged breaths escaped her. 

Sang-woo didn’t dare look at her. Hearing her cry was bad enough. 

Sae-byeok entered just a minute later and as the young girl passed, she reached out, but the girl shook her off roughly, making it clear she wanted to be alone.

Bowing her head, she let her tears fall, mourning the friends she had lost.

The timer went off and the doors opened again, letting the final winners pass through. She perked up slightly as Gi-hun stepped through. A ragged breath left her. Her relief to see him alive was shadowed by the realization that the old man was gone.

She didn’t know him well, but he was sweet. She knew how much Gi-hun had bonded with him and the agony in his eyes was clear as day. 

The players were corralled back to the room and as they entered they noticed Mi-nyeo laying relaxed in her bed. She smiled smugly at them, gloating about how she sailed right through to the next round. 

Gritting her teeth, she pushed past the others, making her way to her bunk. She just wanted to tune everything out, ignore reality, for just a moment. 

As she sat by herself in the quiet room, no one making a sound as they ate their pathetic meal, she felt her sadness swelling once again. She stopped eating, every bite making her feel more nauseous than the last.

Practically throwing her food down, she got up from her bunk and stormed over to the guards at the door.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” She told them and, thankfully, they opened the door for her, allowing her to leave to cry in peace.

As soon as the door shut behind her, a sob escaped her. Leaning against the wall for support, she allowed herself to finally break.

Days of pent up emotion bubbled to the surface, making her cry uncontrollably. Her sorrow for Ali, for knowing his wife and son would never see him again, never know what happened. Her love for Gi-hun and her inability to know how to navigate it. Her fear of going back to her boyfriend.

It all made her cry harder until she was struggling to breathe. 

Back in the common room, Gi-hun was trying to make sense of his whirlwind of emotions. He watched as player 69, the man who had just lost his wife, sobbed in devastation, begging them to end the game.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, his thoughts drifting back to her. He had been so close to asking her to play with him, to bury his sadness for what had transpired between them the night before and try his luck with her again.

The thought that he could’ve lost her, that he could’ve been the reason for her demise made him want to throw up.

Watching as the man sobbed for his wife, he felt an uncomfortable familiarity rising. He had already lost the love of his life once. He had let her walk out of his life, but by some twisted miracle she was back. 

He wasn’t going to let her leave him again. 

Tossing his food to the side, he jumped up from his bunk and jogged to the door, pleading with the guards to let him go to the bathroom. 

He walked like a man on a mission, striding through the halls with determination. The guards said nothing as he passed by the men’s room and burst into the women’s room.

The door slammed open, making her jump in fright. Her shoulders sagged when she noticed it was Gi-hun, but as quick as her relief came, her confusion came next. 

“What the hell are you doing? You can’t be in here.”

“I need to talk to you.”

She sighed heavily, burying her face in her hands. “You can’t keep doing this. We’re not together, we haven’t been for a long time, we don’t need to be friends.”

“I can’t accept that.”

She scoffed and shook her head at his stubbornness. “You can’t?” She asked in disbelief. “And why not?”

“Because I need you in my life!” He yelled, all traces of frustration gone from his expression, leaving only vulnerability and longing. 

Her lips parted, but no words escaped her. She stared back at him in surprise, her heart racing wildly. 

“I still have feelings for you.” Gi-hun admitted, his voice softer than before. “They never left, to be honest. You were always my person, that never changed.”

She pursed her lips, trying hard to quell her growing emotions his words invoked. She didn’t even realize until now they were exactly what she’d been wanting to hear for years. 

“I know you have feelings for me too.” 

Her eyes snapped up to meet his and she didn’t fight back as he stepped closer to her and took her hands in his. 

“I never should’ve let you walk away. I should’ve gone after you.”

“Why didn’t you?” She asked quietly, her wavering voice making his heart stutter. 

“I didn’t know you wanted me to.” 

“Of course I did. I didn’t leave because I stopped loving you. I thought you knew that.” 

“Guess I was too stupid to realize.” He said and chuckled softly when she raised her brows in agreement. He stepped closer, the space between them disappearing. He started to lean down, his eyes flickering from her eyes to her lips.

She was seconds from giving in, when her brain caught up to her and she pulled away from him abruptly. 

“Wait, we can’t do this.” 

“Why not?”

“It’s not right. I’m … with someone.” 

His face fell, a flash of anger running across his face. He shook his head in disbelief. “You can’t honestly try to tell me you’re happy with him. Not after what he’s done to you.”

“I’m not, but I-”

“Then don’t fight this.” Gi-hun said desperately, squeezing her hands in his. “We belong together. I know you feel it too.”

“But after everything… I can't jump back in like nothing happened, like we weren’t apart for years.”

“Why not?” He argued frantically. “We can pick up where we left off, we can be happy together like we were before.”

She remained quiet, the fantasy he was building for her warming her heart, causing desire to pool in her belly. She wanted it more than anything.

He said her name softly, making her look up at him.

“It’s always been you. You are the one I’ve always loved, you were the one I was supposed to marry, you were supposed to be the mother of my child. Always.” 

Her frown grew as she tried hard not to cry at his words. He reached out, his hand cradling her cheek affectionately as he looked at her with reverence. 

“You are the love of my life.” He whispered and without wasting any more time, he crashed his lips against hers. 

They kissed fiercely, the fire of so many years apart, so many years of longing, warming their burning passion. They held tightly to each other as they kissed deeply, the thought of parting like a waking nightmare.

His hands cradled her face, his touch gentle yet fierce with longing. His eagerness and excitement was clear by the way he kissed her desperately. He couldn’t help the small moan that left him at the feeling of her lips against his, her tongue against his. 

It made him dizzy with pleasure.

They parted when the need to breathe became too much. He leaned his forehead against hers, not wanting there to be even an inch between them.

He finally had her back in his arms and there was no way he was going to let her go.

“I love you.” She whispered and Gi-hun squeezed his eyes shut, feeling emotion overtake him. He hadn’t heard those words said to him in years, especially not from her, the person he had wanted to hear them from the most. 

“I love you too. More than you would ever know.” 

His arms wound around her waist as he held her tightly. She shuddered against him, the closeness and gentle, yet loving, affection he gave her so different from what she had become accustomed to over the years. 

Despite the heartbreak still weighing over them heavily, they felt hope that they could slowly heal, as long as they had each other.

There was a pounding on the door, making them jump apart instinctively. “Time’s up. Come out.” The guard on the other side of the door ordered sternly.

They stared at each other, both of them dreading to part, but fearing the consequences. But Gi-hun had become braver. With her by her side, with his fear to lose her, he became bolder. They walked out of the bathroom together, their hands intertwined. 

As they got back to the common room, they ignored the looks thrown their way, both of confusion and interest at their new-found closeness. He didn’t let go of her, not for a second. As she began to move in the direction of her own bunk, he pulled on her hand, stopping her.

“You’re staying with me.” 

A shy smile grew on her lips as he dragged her to his bunk and together, they curled up like the old lovers they were. It came so naturally, their closeness. As the lights went out for the night, they stayed tangled together in the cramped bed. 

Her legs over his, his arms around her waist, holding her tightly while her head rested against his chest, listening to the steady and calming sound of his heart beat.

Her fingers gently traced over the number painted on his chest. Her touch, something he had been longing for for so long, made him shiver, making her smile lightly.

The years they had been separated was like a dark spot on her heart. But, as he held her tightly, she felt as though it was slowly beginning to fade away. 

“What’s your daughter’s name?” She whispered into the dead of darkness. 

“Ga-yeong.” Gi-hun answered with a smile. “I can’t wait for you to meet her. She’s gonna love you.”

Her smile faded lightly. The mention of after, their life when the games ended made her tense. She was sure there would only be one winner. Things had been brutal up until now. She knew there was no way they would show mercy, there was no way they’d let the both of them live.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, her grip on him tightening.

“I’m sure she’s lovely.” She whispered, her voice stiff. 

Gi-hun was so happy, deliriously so. Their reunion, their admittance of their love for each other had put him on cloud nine. She wasn’t about to ruin it, not when she finally had him back.

By the next morning, as they woke to the familiar music, she moaned in annoyance as he jostled her as he sat up.

She could feel his body tense against hers and as she sat up, the doors slammed open, a handful guards stepping in, a gift-wrapped coffin carried in. She was wide awake now. Her gaze travelled to where Gi-hun was staring in horror. 

Her lips parted, a small gasp escaping her as she saw player 69, the man who had just lost his wife, hanging by his own noose.

She felt Gi-hun hold her just a little bit tighter, his arm that was around her waist winding just a little closer, his hand that was by her hip holding on just a little harder. He finally felt like he had his other half back and he wasn’t letting go. He wasn’t about to let these games take her away from him.

He didn’t stray by her side for a second. 

When they were brought into a room to start the fifth game, only to see a line of numbered jerseys, they were instructed to pick a number. She began to move, a middle number in her sights, when he stopped her, a worried look in his eyes.

“We don’t know what the game is yet. We have to be careful.” He told her nervously, not willing to let her be the first to pick. 

“Isn’t the middle the safest spot?” 

Gi-hun looked at the numbers, his mind racing wildly as he tried to convince himself of the safest option. The stakes had alway been high, but with her on his arm, back in his heart - like she ever left - the stakes were even higher.

Other players made their way to the front of the room, picking their numbers, all of them a comfortable middle number.

“We’re running out of options.” She whispered to him and before he could argue, she was walking down the steps to pick for herself. 

Approaching one of the only middle numbers left, her fingers had just barely grazed the jersey before she was pushed out of the way roughly. She grit her teeth and plastered on a scowl, ready to ream out whoever had been so rude, but when she saw it was the tattooed man, she clammed up, her face going pale.

“Got something to say, Kitten?” He sneered.

Her back straightened, her blood going cold at the nickname.

You gonna fight back, Kitten?

You still love me, don’t you, Kitten?

You know I’m sorry, you know I don't want to hurt you, Kitten.

His voice rang in her ears like a torturous song she couldn’t stop. 

Looking at the tattooed man in front of her, her boyfriend’s features faded, revealing his true features once again. She exhaled loudly and took a step back, allowing him to take the jersey without issue.

Gi-hun had rushed to her side the second the man had pushed her and he stared at the thug harshly. The man looked between them before laughing loudly and shaking his head, amused by their protectiveness over each other.

He wondered if he could use that to his advantage. 

With only a few numbers left, she grabbed the nearest one left, number 13. 

“Are you sure?” Gi-hun asked her. Looking down at the jersey in her hands, she convinced herself it was the right choice.

“Lucky number 13, right?”

Gi-hun sighed, not amused by her words. He looked around at the small number of options he had left, weighing his options in his mind. He was close to picking number one, before another player made his case for it, begging to be the courageous one for once.

That only left him with one option. Number 16, last place.

They were guided to another room and, as the doors opened, their stomachs dropped. A long glass bridge stood before them.

“Each stepping stone is made of two types of glass.” The voice over the speaker informed them. “The tempered glass is strong enough to hold two players’ weight. However, the normal glass will break even if one player steps on it.”

She reached out, gripping onto Gi-hun’s hand tightly as her fear-filled eyes remained locked onto the bridge. He had been so close to choosing player 1. She had been so close to losing him.

He squeezed her hand just as tightly as the game began. 

People screamed as the first player fell on the second tile he chose. Their fates with this game would be gruesome, that was for certain. 

Everyone flinched, horrified screams sounding as each player that went, eventually met a grizzly fate, choosing wrong and falling to their death.

As more players stepped onto the bridge, the long line reaching the halfway point, it was her turn to make her first move. 

Removing her shoes, she stepped up to the platform. There wasn’t much of a threat, there was a long line of people in front of her still. It would only be when they reached the end when the threat came and there was no one left in front of her to show her the safe way.

The game continued, people making it forward, allowing the line to move ahead, people falling to their deaths, it continued at a slow pace.

She couldn’t help but feel relieved as Mi-nyeo sacrificed herself to take out the tattooed man. She felt like she could breathe better knowing that man was gone, that she’d never have to be around him again, that he wouldn’t hurt anyone else again.

Soon there was only one man in front of her, with Sang-woo directly behind her, then Sae-byeok and Gi-hun last. 

Her palms started to sweat. There were only two glass panels to go. If the man in front of her made the wrong choice, it would be up to her to make the last choice.

The man in front of her got to his knees, inspecting the two glass panels in front of him.

“What are you doing?” Sang-woo asked impatiently.

“I know how to tell them apart.” The man said. “I worked at a glass factory for 30 years. When you look at the two, under a certain light, you can see the difference in light.”

Her heart stuttered, hope rising within her. They were so close to the end, they were so close to making it. The man continued to inspect the glass carefully and, at the back of the line, Gi-hun was practically trembling in his spot. 

He hoped to god this man knew what he was doing. The risk that she could be next, that she could fall, was making him feel sick. 

The man jumped to the panel on the right and they all collectively held their breaths. It held and they sagged in relief. She moved to the spot he’d previously been on, watching him anxiously as he inspected the last set of panels. 

Suddenly, the lights turned out, making it impossible for him to differentiate between the two. 

“Shit.” She breathed out. 

The man stayed on his knees, trying his hardest to find something, anything to give him a clue. But he found none. He let out a staggering breath and looked back at her defeatedly, fear heavy in his expression. 

“What’s wrong?” Sang-woo asked from behind her impatiently. 

“It’s too dark to tell.” 

Nervous eyes flickered to the ticking clock. They were running out of time.

“Just make a decision!” Sang-woo yelled. 

“I can use sound.” The man said frantically, his one last ditch effort. “Does anyone have anything I can throw?” 

They all patted their pockets and shook their heads in defeat, except for Gi-hun. He held the marble he kept in his pocket, the marble the old man had given him. Shoving past the flood of emotions it caused him, he eagerly passed it forward.

They all held their breaths as he tossed the marble against the farthest panel. 

“Give me another one.” The man ordered, needing to hear the last one to make a decision. 

Gi-hun shook his head. He didn’t have another one. The cold realization settled over everyone like an eerie fog. 

“Just choose one. Please hurry.” She pleaded to the man, her eyes drifting back up to the clock. They only had barely thirty seconds.

The man continued to hold up the line, his eyes frantically looking back and forth between the two panels left. Sang-woo jumped onto her panel, harshly passing by her, almost making her lose her balance.

She could hear both Gi-hun and Sae-byeok calling her name worriedly, her hands having to clutch onto Sang-woo’s jersey for stability before he jumped onto the same panel as the shaking man.

“I can’t tell.” The man said in defeat.

“Then I’ll pick.” Sang-woo hissed angrily and before anyone could even blink, he pushed the man forward, causing him to fall into the panel in front of him, breaking the glass and falling to his death.

An icy cold feeling of dread washed over her and as she stared in horror at Sang-woo as he jumped to the final panel and reached the end. Her hands shook, that familiar feeling of pins and needles returning as her panic rose to dangerous heights. 

Looking up at the clock to find only seconds left, she moved on trembling legs, finally making it to the end. 

She kept a large distance between her and Sang-woo, her eyes not even looking in his direction. Her skin crawled at his actions. Gi-hun’s arms were around her the second he made it to the platform. She let out a shaking breath as he held her.

From over her shoulder, Gi-hun glared at Sang-woo, his stomach twisting at the thought of what his friend was becoming, what the game was twisting him into.

Suddenly, the glass panels exploded and a barrage of deadly shatters flew their way. Gi-hun draped himself over her, protecting her with his own body, but even that couldn’t prevent the small cuts she received.

They all breathed heavily, looking back at the now empty bridge in disbelief. Sporting small, bloodied cuts to their faces and hands, they were escorted back to their room. It was unsettling to see the stairs so empty. It was unsettling to know how many people they’d lost along the way.

As they entered the room, only to find just four beds spread out in the enormous room, the unsettling feeling doubled. 

Noticing Sae-byeok limping slightly, her shoulders hunched as she walked slowly, she approached her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Are you ok?”

She tensed under her touch and nodded wordlessly before continuing on her way, making her look at the young girl worriedly. 

Turning her attention, she noticed Gi-hun stopping Sang-woo and she tensed, quickly making her way towards them, wondering if she’d have to stop a potential fight between them. 

“Why did you do it?” Gi-hun asked quietly, sounding defeated as he looked at his old friend cautiously. 

Sang-woo shifted on his feet, looking away impatiently, like he couldn’t believe Gi-hun was even questioning his choice to push the man. 

“What if that man held up the line like that thug did? What would you have done?” 

“There was one tile left. He could’ve moved.” 

“And what if he didn’t?” Sang-woo yelled back sternly. “Would you have put your life on the line for him, would you put her life on the line for him?” 

Gi-hun paused, ruminating over his words anxiously. He didn’t know how to answer. 

“The only reason we even made it is because he could tell the tiles apart. We’re alive because of him.” She interjected when Gi-hun stayed silent, not having an argument for her life being saved. 

“Would you stop with that bullshit?” Sang-woo argued. “I’m alive because of me, because I’m willing to do anything to win.” 

His words set off alarm bells in her head and she looked at him intently, scared by the man he had become.

“If it were me… if I was the last one to have to choose… would you have pushed me?” She asked hesitantly, her voice wavering slightly.

Sang-woo just looked down at his shoes, his jaw clenching tightly, remaining silent. 

It was all the answer she needed. 

Gi-hun looked furious. “You son of a bitch!” He yelled through gritted teeth, lunging towards his old friend.

“Stop!” She yelled, pushing against Gi-hun’s chest to hold him back from causing a fight. His chest was practically vibrating with anger as his harsh glare remained on Sang-woo. The thought that he could’ve pushed her, could’ve ended her life for his own gain, even with the history they all shared, made him see red.

“Don’t.” She warned him. 

He finally looked down at her, breaking his glare from Sang-woo. His expression of fury melted away as he looked at her. 

“It didn’t happen. Just leave it.” 

He nodded, her words calming him, though not by much. He was still furious at his old friend for his cold-hearted nature. 

The doors opened, breaking the tense moment, and a number of guards stepped in, holding wrapped boxes. 

“We congratulate you for successfully making it through five games. You’ve now become the finalists, and we’ve prepared a special gift for you.” 

The guards handed them the boxes and instructed them to change their clothes. 

They all looked down at the boxes in confusion, wondering what the hell they had planned for them now. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good. The four of them were guided to the bathroom and, as the men separated from the women, Gi-hun looked over his shoulder, his gaze finding her. 

He smiled weakly, a small reassurance that they would be ok. 

Her and Sae-byeok were guided to the women’s bathroom and she immediately went into the stall to change, not wanting Sae-byeok to see the bruises on her body from her boyfriend. 

It was bliss to finally take off the numbered tracksuit, but as she put on the fancy suit that was given to her, seeing her number still plastered on the chest, she felt like the shackles were back on her wrists. 

As she dressed, she could hear small grunts of pain over the running tap. Finishing with the last button on her shirt, she quickly left the stall and the first thing she saw was red.

There were splatters of red on the floor, on the pristine white sink, and on Sae-byeok’s discarded shirt that lay on the floor. 

Her heart began to race, her mind telling her what she already knew, but she refused to believe it. She didn’t want to believe it.

“Sae-byeok?”

The young woman let out a harsh breath, leaning heavily on the sink for balance. She stood in only her bra and with the little energy she had left, she turned to face the older woman, her facade finally slipping, revealing every ounce of pain she was in.

The sight of the large shard of glass embedded in her stomach was like a punch to the chest. Her breathing stopped and she could’ve sworn her already fragile heart cracked even more. 

“Sae-”

“Can you help me?” She interrupted weakly. 

She nodded weakly and pursed her lips to hide how they trembled with the urge to burst into tears. With shaking hands, she reached down, gently grabbing the shard of glass, ready to pull it out, but she hesitated, looking up at Sae-byeok’s pained expression. 

She couldn’t do it. 

Sensing her hesitation, Sae-byeok sighed and placed her hand over hers and pulled, ripping the glass out of her stomach. A river of blood flowed and she gasped raggedly, almost falling into her companion’s arms.

“Shit.” She whispered, quickly taking hold of the girl’s discarded shirt to press against the open wound, hoping it would do something, anything to stop the rapid flow of blood. 

“Tell me about you and Gi-hun.” Sae-byeok said suddenly, her voice strained.

“What?”

“Just… distract me… please.” 

She looked at her hesitantly, before nodding slowly. “We got together when we were 15. We had known each other since we were kids, always had crushes on each other. It took us a while to notice, though.”

She talked as she worked, her brows creasing in agony as she heard Sae-byeok’s hitched breaths and gasps of pain as she pressed down on her bleeding wound. 

“Keep going.” The young girl gasped, needing something other than the pain to focus on.

“We were together for a long time. We loved each other… more than anything else in the world. I thought I was going to be with him forever.”

“What happened?” Sae-byeok asked through gritted teeth as she tied her ripped shirt around her wound tightly.

“I wanted something different. I didn’t want to settle down and have kids right away. I wanted to travel the world, make something of myself. I left for Seoul and he… didn’t follow me.” 

Her story ended as she finished binding the gash in her stomach and she began to help Sae-byeok dress in her suit in silence. 

As she buttoned up the girl’s shirt for her, she could feel her eyes boring into her. 

“You’re going to win.”

“Sae-byeok,”

“You will.” She repeated. “When you do, can you promise me something?” 

She didn’t want to admit outloud that Sae-byeok wouldn’t be winning, that her fate was already sealed. Her silent nod was the only acceptance she could give.

“Can you look after my brother for me?” 

Looking up at her in shock, she watched as the young girl began to cry, tears steadily falling down her cheeks. 

“You need to look after him, please. Make sure he’ll be ok.” Sae-byeok sobbed and, despite the unflinching cold demeanor she carried with her, it broke as the older woman wrapped her into a tight hug. 

Her hands hovered in uncertainty for a few seconds before she gave in and hugged her back just as tightly, crying into her shoulder. The way she brushed her hand through her hair and whispered soothing promises in ear made her want to cry harder.

It made her think of her mother, the woman she ultimately couldn’t save, all because of a fucking piece of glass.

Sae-byeok was the first to pull away and she averted her gaze from the woman, brushing her hands over her cheeks furiously to get rid of the evidence of her breakdown.

“Don’t tell them, ok?”

She nodded in agreement. There was no way she was letting Sang-woo know about her state. She knew what he’d do.

Together they left the bathroom, her hand a comforting weight on Sae-byeok’s back, helping her walk forward. 

The feast in their honour was stifling. All four of them sat in silence as they ate. 

Her eyes kept drawing back to Sae-byeok every few seconds, as if to make sure she was still going, still breathing. Her chest felt tight with the knowledge of her state and she could barely take more than a few bites, despite her hunger.

Agony clawed at her so deeply, she couldn’t help but feel sick with even the small sips of water she took.

As the dinner drew to a close, the guards took their plates away, leaving only the steak knife in front of them, silently telling them there were no rules in place for the night. 

The sixth game would not be played with four players.

That night, as she lay in her bunk that Gi-hun had pushed up next to his, she rested her head on his shoulder, her mind tortuously replayed every agonizing loss they’d suffered in their short time here.

“Are you ok, you barely ate anything tonight?” Gi-hun whispered to her, his fingers gently running over her knuckles, mindlessly fiddling with her hand. 

“I’m fine, just nervous I guess.”

“I’m not gonna let Sang-woo do anything. He won’t hurt you.” 

She looked up at the man who had stolen her heart all those years ago and intertwined their fingers, bringing his hand up to press a kiss to the back of it. The affectionate gesture made him blush slightly, his stomach flipping pleasurably.

They settled back into a comfortable silence, his hand gently trailing up and down the length of her arm. He kept replaying the events of the last game over and over in his mind, picturing the man Sang-woo pushed to his death.

It brought up a question he had been adamantly refusing to acknowledge for days.

“What happens when we get out of here?” He spoke lowly.

She looked up at him curiously. “What do you mean?”

“How do we…. how are we supposed to go back to normal, live our lives like none of this happened, like we aren’t responsible for people dying? How are we supposed to live with it?” 

Her expression shifted, her soft eyes hardening as the thought of going back to her old life. His blatant and casual reference to the idea of the two of them getting out wasn’t lost either. It made her insides twist even tighter, making her feel even more sick. 

“I don’t know. I guess that’s the catch, isn’t it?” 

Gi-hun looked at her questioningly and she sighed. 

“Playing games for money, it sounded too good to be true. I thought the dying part was the catch, but it’s not, it’s having to live with yourself after. You gain the money and the trauma together. You live comfortably with the money, but in agony with the memories of what you had to do.” 

Whatever bastards ran the place played them again, it seemed. They hadn’t warned them of the loss of their humanity along the way. 

Gi-hun held her just a little bit tighter. Her words, no matter that they were the bitter truth, made him worry for her. He hated that she had said it so casually, like living with trauma wasn’t new to her. 

The first thing he was going to do when they got out of there was pay a visit to her deadbeat boyfriend. 

“You’re not tired are you?” He suddenly asked her. 

“No, why?”

“I’m going to check on Sae-byeok.” Gi-hun said and spared one last distrustful glance to Sang-woo. “Don’t let your guard down, ok?”

Gi-hun placed a sweet kiss to her forehead, making her close to melting into his embrace, and left her side to check on the injured young girl.

She watched the two talk, her eyes casting over to Sang-woo every once in a while, making sure he wasn’t about to make a move. She perked up when she saw him drifting, the knife falling from his hands as sleep pulled him under.

She sighed heavily and leaned back in the bunk, feeling as though she could finally relax now that she didn’t have to worry about him stabbing her in the back. 

But the peaceful moment was brief as Sae-byeok collapsed in her bunk, her wound bleeding profusely. As Gi-hun ran to the door and screamed for help, she raced out of her bunk towards Sae-byeok.

She gently cradled the girl’s head, helping her sit up slightly.

“Mmm, it hurts.” Sae-byeok groaned, her head lolling backwards, drained of all her energy.

“I know. It’s gonna be ok.” She whispered as she gently brushed the hair from her face. She looked so much younger like this, like a lost child. It made the lump in her throat grow until she feared it would choke her.

“Remember what you promised. Don’t forget it.”

“I won’t. I would never.” 

Sae-byeok’s eyes suddenly widened and as she opened her mouth to warn the woman, Sang-woo’s arms wrapped around her neck, pulling her away from the injured girl. She struggled against him, her hand slapping at his arm pitifully. 

His hand covered her mouth, keeping her from crying out to alert Gi-hun. The more he squeezed, the quicker she began to feel dizzy, black spots soon swirling in her vision.

Sang-woo, feeling her go limper in his grasp, tossed her to the side, her head hitting the wall with an audible ‘thunk’ and he focused on his main target.

She blacked out for a moment, the world lost to her for a few seconds before reality was regained. Her eyes blinked rapidly, trying to force the spots from her vision. The lights suddenly turned on, making her wince at the pain that coursed across her head. 

She sat up, leaning on the wall for stability as a wave of dizziness hit her, almost knocking her back down. 

Looking up, she noticed Gi-hun running towards her and as her blurred vision restored, she noticed the horrified look of despair in his eyes. 

She followed his gaze and a cold feeling of dread overtook her so powerfully, she fell onto her hands and knees, her chest heaving for the breaths that were lost to her. The sight of Sae-byeok, her throat slashed, had tears springing to her eye instantly.

She placed a shaking hand over her mouth, trying to hold back the sobs that threatened to release. 

Gi-hun brought the girl into his arms, crying her name in anguish.

Through her tears, she looked at Sang-woo who stood frozen, his wide eyed gaze locked onto the girl he murdered, her blood warm on his skin. 

The thought of their dwindling humanity came to her mind again. 

She was even less assured about their lives outside the game. 

~~

“Players, 218, 392, 456, welcome to the final game.”

The three of them stood in a dark hallway, still dressed in their suits from the night before. She had trouble even looking over at Sang-woo. His shirt was stained with blood, her blood, and it made her feel sick each time she saw it.

“Players 218 and 456 will play the first round. Player 392 will play the winner.”

Her lips parted in surprise and she shared a look with Gi-hun. They knew they manipulated it on the off chance they would have to fight each other. They didn’t exactly hide their feelings for each other. 

She should’ve known they would use it against them.

They were led into the same courtyard they had played Red Light, Green Light in. The memory of that day sent a shiver down her spine.

Squid game, that was the final game.

She remembered the three of them as kids, playing this game after school. 

She was playing offense while Sang-woo was the defender. She was running towards the squid’s head to secure her victory when Sang-woo grabbed onto the back of her shirt and yanked her backwards. 

His grip was tight and his tug was stronger than she had expected. She fell to the ground with a grunt and glared up at the young boy fiercely.

“Sang-woo! Don’t be so rough with her!” Gi-hun yelled and pushed his friend back. He kneeled down next to her and winced when he saw her scraped knee.

“Are you ok?” He asked her and she nodded, taking his hand he offered to help her back to her feet.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pull so hard.” Sang-woo told her bashfully.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” She waved him off. “Let’s go again.”

“Are you sure?” Gi-hun asked her worriedly. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt.” She assured him and then turned back to Sang-woo. “But you throw me again and I’ll tell your mom that you cheated on the math test last week.”

Gi-hun burst out laughing as Sang-woo flushed with frustration. As she geared up, ready to play the next round, her young self missed the way Gi-hun watched her adoringly, his crush beginning to form.

She was forced to watch from the sidelines, a guard on either side of her, as Gi-hun and Sang-woo played the final game. 

Sang-woo held his knife tightly in his hand, making her shift in her spot. She knew he wouldn't play fairly. He was not the person she knew anymore. 

Gi-hun threw a handful of sand in Sang-woo’s face, allowing him to cross the squid’s neck without any trouble. After he crossed, he looked across the courtyard, his eyes landing on her. She nodded subtly, she didn’t know what he was planning, but she trusted him. 

He needed to win. 

Suddenly, the grey skies opened and rain started to pour down onto them, drenching them in seconds. 

But it didn’t deter the players. Their hard scowls remained locked on each other. 

Gi-hun pulled his knife from his pocket and advanced slowly. He swung at Sang-woo, each vicious strike of his arm deflected. They both held onto the other’s arm, preventing each of them from swinging their knives.

Sang-woo then wrapped his arm around Gi-hun’s neck, his weapon getting dangerously close to him. But Gi-hun acted quickly and swiped his own knife over his hand, making him yell in pain and drop his knife away from his face.

She watched them fight with bated breath, flinching at every punch thrown and every swipe of the knife. 

They were brutal with each other. It was hard to watch two old friends turn on each other like this. Her body stood stiff as stone, her insides churning with unease as they wailed on eachother. 

Suddenly, her loud scream tore through the courtyard as Sang-woo stabbed his knife in Gi-hun’s thigh and then his abdomen. She instinctively moved to race towards them, but the two guards held her back, their grips painfully tight on her arms, preventing her from interfering.

Her chest was heaving with panicked breaths, tears forming in her eyes as she watched the man she loves cry out in pain. Her heart was racing alarmingly fast as Sang-woo kicked him to the ground. 

She covered her face with her hands as he slammed the knife down, the blade piercing through Gi-hun’s defensive hand. She couldn’t watch it happen, she couldn’t watch as she lost him forever.

But he soon got the upper hand, getting back up to his feet unsteadily.

He knocked Sang-woo down, delivering brutal punch after punch, letting out every ounce of his bitter anger on his old friend. He took the bloodied knife out of his hand, ignoring the pain that bloomed and, for reasons he didn’t know, he sought her out.

His gaze lifted to meet hers, finding her crying on the sidelines, looking at him with so much fear it made him want to burn this place to the ground for ever letting her walk through the doors, for ever letting her get hurt. 

With a battle cry, he brought his knife down, letting it stab into the dirt next to Sang-woo’s head. 

No matter how angry he was, no matter how much Sang-woo had disappointed him, he couldn’t be that person. He couldn’t be the one to kill him.

A shaky breath left her, her tense shoulders sagging as Gi-hun walked towards his victory. But a feeling settled in her stomach, one that told her this was wrong. 

Of course, she wanted Gi-hun to win, he needed to. But as one guard left her side, pulling out his gun as he approached Sang-woo who still lay in the mud defeatedly, she realized how much this outcome devastated her all the same.

Gi-hun stopped in his tracks, just steps away from winning. He couldn’t do it.

“I want to end here.” He said weakly. He approached the guard on weak, limping steps, cradling his injured hand. “Clause three of the agreement says the players are able to end the game when the majority agrees.”

He looked over at her, silently pleading for her to agree. She hesitated, her expression blank as she thought over what that would mean for her. She would have to go back to him empty handed, with no way of leaving him, no way to protect herself from him.

Like the first time she had to go home, he would react to her absence with a vengeance she may not survive this time around.

But she would have Gi-hun. That had to have meant something.

“Don’t!” Sang-woo called out, stopping her before she could make her choice to end the game. He looked over at her with a sad, trembling smile and shook his head. 

He knew she couldn’t leave with nothing. He was perceptive enough to know her situation the second he saw her black eye. He couldn’t be what made her go back to that monster. 

It was another thing he couldn’t live with.

“Gi-hun,” He breathed out, looking up at his friend who stared down at him sadly, his hand still reaching out for him to take. “I’m sorry.” 

He grabbed the knife beside him and plunged it into his neck, the pain coming quickly but fading just as fast as the blood drained out of him, ending his life quickly. 

Gi-hun gasped, taking a staggering step back in shock. On the sidelines, she felt her legs shake, her mouth open in shock as a pitiful sob escaped her. Her legs could no longer keep her standing and she practically collapsed into the mud beneath her, her hands on her knees to keep her upright as she cried for her old friend.

She could hear Gi-hun’s cries, begging for his friend, begging for this to all be a nightmare, for it to not be real.

“Player 392, it is your turn to play.”

She sniffled, looking up at the guard beside her. She didn’t have a choice. Sang-woo’s body was carried out, leaving Gi-hun to stay kneeled beside the puddle of blood the rain was slowly washing away, as if erasing Sang-woo’s existence altogether.

He got to his feet shakily, wiping his cheeks. He looked up as she approached slowly, her entire form looking smaller than usual as she practically curled into herself. 

“Choose a shape. Triangle or square.” The guard instructed the couple who stared at each other in anguish, their expression more broken than either of them had ever seen.

“Square.” Gi-hun said softly, his voice rough and raspy from crying.

“It’s square. Choose either offense or defense.”

Gi-hun swallowed thickly, weighing his options, wondering which would be beneficial to her. “Defense.” He finally spoke. 

The guard handed Gi-hun his knife, making him go rigid at the sight of it and the implication of it and quickly stuffed it into his pocket. The guards then left their side, allowing them to get into position to start the game. 

With the little stability she had left in her, she hopped on one foot until she got to the squid’s neck. Gi-hun watched her numbly, making no move to stop her. He walked with her across the neck and as she got to the other side, he put his hands in his pockets, showing her he wasn’t going to fight back.

“You need to play.”

“No.” 

“Gi-hun-”

“I’m not letting them kill you. We do this together.” He adamantly refused. He wouldn’t defend, but she stayed rooted to her spot, refusing to move any further, refusing to win the game. 

“They’re not going to let us leave together.” She said quietly. 

“You don’t know that.”

“Gi-hun, look around you. Look at what they made us do. They’re not going to suddenly take it easy on us. Only one of us can leave.” 

Gi-hun shook his head, his bottom lip trembling. He placed his hands over his face, letting his tears fall. “This can’t be happening.” He mumbled mournfully.

“It should be you.” She whispered and his hands slowly fell from his face, revealing his confused expression, one that was shrouded with so much heartbreak, she swore she could feel her own shattering.

“What?” He breathed out in disbelief.

“You need to win.” She told him. He immediately began to shake his head, refusing to even listen to the possibility of leaving this place without her. “Gi-hun you have a daughter, you need to be there for her.”

“And what about you? I’m just supposed to move on? Forget this happened?” He argued angrily, refusing to accept what she was telling him.

“I’m not scared for it to end here.” She admitted quietly and his face fell. He reached out, grabbing onto her hands tightly.

“No, no, no, you’re not doing this. I won’t let you.”

“I knew what would happen to me here.” She told him, squeezing his hands in hers. “I never thought I was going to make it. I was ok with dying here. Even if I didn’t win, I’m free. He won’t be able to hurt me anymore.” 

Gi-hun looked at her, his eyes full of pain. “I can protect you from him. Please, just let me protect you. We can live together, we can be happy.” He pleaded, his hands wiping away the wet strands of hair that stuck to her cheeks so he could see her fully.

“Gi-hun-”

“No, I’m not letting you die for me. And I’m sure as hell not living without you. Not again.” 

She looked at him with hesitance, sensing what he was getting at, but too stunned to let her brain work it out.

“I don’t win without you. They don’t win without us.” 

A ragged breath left her as he took his knife out of his pocket. With shaking hands he held it up to his throat. Her eyes widened and she yelled his name, her hands gripping onto his to stop him.

“It’s ok.” He whispered to her, tears steadily streaming down his cheeks. 

She slowly let one of her hands fall from his and reached into her own pocket, pulling out her knife. She held it so tightly, her hands began to ache. 

The couple stared at each other with reverence, the reality of what they were about to do crashing onto them. Gi-hun didn’t want to waste anymore time, he knew exactly what he wanted the last thing he’d ever do to be.

He cradled her face in his hands softly and kissed her hard, pouring all of the love and desperation he felt for her into the heated crash of his lips against hers. Her arms wrapped around his waist tightly, not wanting to ever let go.

She moaned against his lips softly, revelling in the way he could make her melt with just the simplest of touches. 

In such a short time he had managed to erase years of hurt, he had given her more love and affection in days than her boyfriend had given to her in years.

He pulled away slowly, letting his forehead rest against hers. He looked down at her intently, hoping she knew just how much he cared for her, how much he always cared for her.

“I love you.”

“I love you.” She echoed his words, leaning up on her toes to press one last peck on his lips. 

They breathed heavily, their hands beginning to shake as they let their arms fall from each other and they both gripped onto their knives tightly.

They kept their eyes on each other as they raised the weapon to their necks. They wouldn’t let these twisted people win, they wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of watching them fight each other. 

They would both lose. 

Tears fell from their eyes, their blades only millimeters from their skin. 

With a heavy breath, she prepared herself to end it, when the feeling of a gun at her temple stopped her. Her eyes widened and she looked over at the guards beside them, both of them pointing their weapons at them.

“Drop the knives.” They ordered sternly.

They both did and one of the guards grabbed her tightly, practically dragging her away from Gi-hun. She could hear him screaming for her, the other guard having to hold him back from running after her. 

But no matter how much he fought, he couldn’t get out of the tight grip. 

He watched as she was taken inside and he fell to his knees, crying in agony. 

“What are you doing with her?” He yelled frantically to the guard. There was no answer. He was hauled to his feet and dragged away from the courtyard, leaving a bloody mess of the squid game. 

~~

The next thing he knew he was in a vehicle, his hands tied behind his back and a blindfold over his eyes. 

He was almost thankful for the darkness. His eyes were red and raw from crying, over Sae-byeok, over Sang-woo, over her. Her, who he still had not seen. 

The sound of the door opening made his perk up and he felt a body beside him.

“Gi-hun?” Her scared voice sounded. He sagged in relief and inched his body closer to hers, leaning on her comfortingly.

“I’m here.” He assured her. She let out a shaking breath, letting her head fall to his shoulder. “Are you ok?” He asked frantically, his nerves on edge again at the possibility that those guards had done something to her while they were separated.

“I’m ok. Are you?”

“I’m fine. They patched me up, I’m ok.” 

The sound of another person entering the vehicle made them both tense and she curled into his side further. 

“You two should celebrate. We’ve never had two winners before.” The front man spoke as he looked at the couple intently.

“Why did you let us both live?” She asked the unfamiliar voice. 

The man chuckled slightly. “It wasn’t my idea, but you were lucky. The VIPs were feeling… sentimental. They were quite moved by your display.” He explained. He conveniently left out the part where no one wanted to lose their copious amounts of money in bets they had placed on both of the players.

“Why do you do it?” Gi-hun asked, his voice portraying just how exhausted he was. 

“You bet on horses. It’s the same here only we bet on humans. You’re our horses.”

The explanation made her stomach turn, the simmering anger she’d felt through this entire process growing even stronger. 

“Who are you?”

The man hesitated, looking at the lovers curiously. “Just think of it like a dream.” He told them, as if the words were comforting.  

“You have money and you have each other. That’s more than most get.” 

Those were the last words they heard as the gas flowed into the car, putting them to sleep in seconds.

~~

It had been a week since she was dumped on the side of the road tied and blindfolded. It had been a week since she had seen Gi-hun. They weren’t dropped at the same place and she didn’t have his number in her phone or even know where he lived.

Without him by her side, without knowing where he was, she was left to deal with the horrors of the game alone. She once again became a numb shell of a person. 

She was holed up in a hotel in town, too terrified to go back to her house, back to her boyfriend. 

She spent her days as a recluse, only going outside to buy a few items of clothing and food when it was necessary. Otherwise, she stayed behind the safety of the locked door, ruminating over her trauma alone.

Everytime she closed her eyes at night, a failing effort to fall asleep, she could hear gunshots, she could hear the screams of innocent people as they died horribly. In the darkness she could see Sae-byeok and the wound on her neck, she could see Sang-woo as he took his own life. 

It was becoming too much to handle, too much to live with.

She was contemplating sequestering herself to a life of solitude when a knock sounded at her door.

Fear washed over her greatly and she stood on trembling legs, her wide eyes locked onto the door. 

Please don’t let it be him, she pleaded, her hands beginning to shake at the thought that her abuser had found her. 

Approaching the door slowly, another knock sounded, making her flinch. She practically hid behind the cover of the door as she opened it slowly.

Her fear dissipated in an instant when she saw Gi-hun smiling at her shyly, his eyes already shining with tears. He let out a loud breath, relief washing over him as he saw her again.

“Gi-hun.” She breathed out, a wave of happiness washing over her so strongly it almost left her dizzy. She blinked a few times, as if making sure this wasn’t a dream of a hallucination. She knew she hadn’t been sleeping well and the possibility wasn’t exactly far-fetched.

“Can I come in?” He asked and she nodded, breaking out of her stunned reverie and stepped to the side to let him into the room. 

He looked around the hotel room, noting how it barely looked lived in. The only sign she had even been there were the rumpled sheets on the bed. 

“How did you know I was here?”

“I tracked down your mom. She told me you were staying here.” He turned to face her and the worry in his eyes made her want to fall into his arms and never let go. “Why are you here?”

She bowed her head, not wanting him to see her fear. “I couldn’t go home. I didn’t know what he’d do to me.” 

A mix of agony and fury flashed across his face. He simultaneously wanted to wrap her in bubble wrap, making sure this world never hurt her again, and he wanted to find her boyfriend and leave him a bloody mess.

He sighed and eyed her carefully, taking note of the bags under her eyes. He was sure he wore the same tortured expression she did.

“How are you?”

She just shrugged. “I’ve never had to deal with something like this before. I can’t really make sense of it.” 

He nodded in understanding. He felt stifled, like there was a tension between them that wasn’t supposed to be there. He stepped towards her and slowly took her hand in his. 

“I can’t either. I don’t know if I ever will, but ... I don’t want to do it alone.” 

She looked up at him, almost like she was shocked. She had to admit, there had been a part of her that worried Gi-hun’s feelings for her had just been because they were in a life or death situation, that it had been his adrenaline speaking.

The worry that he wouldn’t want her in the real world was one she had feared since she was tossed out on that sidewalk without him. 

“You can stay with me. And maybe… maybe we could find a place together.” He suggested shyly, his thumb caressing over her knuckles in a nervous rhythm. “Is that something you want?” 

Warmth grew over her, a feeling that had been lost to her for so long and she smiled. “More than anything.” 

Gi-hun sighed loudly and in a blink of an eye, his arms were around her, holding her tightly as he crashed his lips to hers desperately. Their kiss was frenzied, the fear they both had the past week that they’d never find each other making them anything but patient. 

She found herself pushed against the wall, his hands roaming her body greedily as his tongue tangled with hers feveredly. Her hands wound their way into his hair and she tugged lightly, making him groan, bliss overtaking him at the feeling.

He hadn’t felt her touch like this in so long. It made him feel almost delirious. 

She pulled away, Gi-hun following her, desperate to keep his lips on hers, but she placed her hands on his chest to stop him, her light laugh ringing out, making him smile along with her, delighted to hear the sound again.

“Wait, we gotta- we gotta slow down.” She stuttered, her mind left a mess from his kiss. “There’s something I have to do first.” 

Despite how much she dreaded facing her boyfriend, she knew it had to be done. And with Gi-hun by her side, his hand held tightly in hers as they walked down the street, she felt almost invincible. 

This was just one bump in the road she needed to cross in order for her to have everything she had wanted since she was 15. 

“Are you sure you want to do this in person?” Gi-hun asked her worriedly. The thought of her coming face to face with that man again made his insides twist. “That asshole barely deserves a text. You can just wait until he’s gone to get your things. I can go in and get them.” 

“Gi-hun, I'm fine.” She said, stopping his worried rambling. 

She truly thought she was, until they turned onto her street and she saw her house just feet away. Pure fear settled within her, but she pushed past it, the thought of her future with Gi-hun driving her forward. 

She was walking up the dilapidated steps to her front door when she noticed Gi-hun following behind her and she turned on her heel, placing her hands on his chest to stop him.

“You’re not coming in with me.”

“What?!” He exclaimed in disbelief. “I’m not letting you go in there by yourself, I’m not going to let that asshole hurt you again.”

“Gi-hun, I can handle this.” She assured him. “I need to do this on my own.” 

He hesitated, looking at her in fear. The thought that something could go wrong, that, after everything they’d survived, this would be what took her from him scared him to his core.

But he understood this was something she needed to do. 

He reluctantly let go of her, allowing her to move again. “Yell if you need me, ok?”

She nodded and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before turning and making her way inside the small apartment. With a heavy breath, mentally preparing herself for the worst, she opened the door as quietly as she could.

Her stomach dropped when she heard the television on. He was home. His heavy footsteps sounded and came out of the bedroom, his eyes hardening when he saw her.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“I-”

“You really thought you could leave, huh? You’re so pathetic.” He spat at her. “I knew you’d come crawling back, you always do.”

“I’m leaving you.” She spoke up sternly, or at least she hoped it sounded stern. 

He scoffed slightly, an amused smile growing. “Oh yeah? The little kitten thinks she can make it out there by herself?”

“You can keep the apartment, keep everything. I’m just taking my stuff.” She told him as she grabbed a suitcase, shoving all of her clothes and personal belongings into it as quickly as she could.

She yelped as he grabbed her hair, craning her neck back harshly. She whimpered slightly as she felt his body press against hers, his other hand gripping onto her neck tightly, making her struggle beneath him.

“You’re not going anywhere.” He sneered behind her. “You’re nothing without me.”

“Hey!” 

Her eyes widened at the sound of Gi-hun’s voice. Her boyfriend looked at him in confusion, sizing him up and quickly writing him off as a non-threat.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Let go of her.”

Her boyfriend laughed and gripped onto her throat tighter, making her let out a choking noise. Gi-hun’s eyes widened, a white hot fury washing over him. He pulled the toy gun from his pocket and aimed it at the man’s head. 

Her boyfriend stiffened, immediately letting go of her and pushing her away from him, raising his hands above his head. 

“Whoa, easy. Just relax man, I didn’t do anything.” 

“Come on.” Gi-hun said softly to her and she scrambled to grab her suitcase and rushed to his side. He stood in front of her protectively, his eyes going hard as he turned back to her boyfriend - ex boyfriend.

“If you put your hands on her again, if you even think about coming after her, I’ll kill you.” Gi-hun said darkly.

He placed his arm around her waist and guided her out of the apartment, only lowering the gun as the door closed behind them. He kept his arm around her, forcing them to walk quickly until they were at least a couple of blocks away.

“What the fuck was that?! Where the hell did you get a gun?!” She yelled frantically.

“Are you ok?” He asked her, moving her hair out of her face to inspect her neck, making sure there were no marks. 

“Gi-hun, I’m fine, now tell me where you got a gun.” She asked sternly, her eyes looking around the empty street nervously to make sure no one could see him with the weapon.

He sighed and pulled the trigger, igniting the lighter at the end. She looked stunned for a moment before it registered and she suddenly barked out a laugh and placed her hands over her face, shaking her head.

“You are insane, you know that?” She said through her laughs. 

Gi-hun smiled widely and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in closer to him. She looked up at him, her smile fading, her expression turning more serious, but her eyes stayed filled with that look he remembered as a teen. 

It was that look of infatuation that had haunted his dreams for decades. 

“I love you.”

Gi-hun felt his eyes sting and he leaned his forehead against hers. “I love you too, Darling.” He kissed her softly, revelling in the closeness he couldn’t wait to take advantage of for the rest of their lives. 

“So, where are we going?”

“Anywhere you want, Darling.”

~~

Hope you all enjoy this behemoth! I kept his mother alive for a possible continuation and that poor man had suffered enough

Let me know if you’d like to see more from these two xx

[christinesficrecs]

There is a story called Of Course It's Fairies where dead friends/family members of the pack come back to life and I really love the idea of that especially because it happens after most of the show has happen so the lost pack members see the after effects of all that pain and stuff. So I was wondering if you knew any other stories like it? or if anyone wanted to write a story with that kind of idea as it's a really cool one.

There is a resurrection tag here, most of the ones I know are focused on bringing Laura back.

Of Course It's Fairies by HelloWhyTheFuckAmIHere | 100.2K

While still suffering from the after effects of the Nogitsune, Stiles and the pack stumble upon and save a trapped fairy. The boy's parents, not wanting to be in the pack’s debt, offer each member of the pack who assisted in the rescue, the opportunity to bring a loved one back from the dead.

Having been blissfully reunited with several of their once-lost friends and family members, everyone must work together to figure out how to function as a new pack, and how to defeat a new incoming threat.

Spook: A Ghostly Love Story in Three Parts by zosofi | 38.1K

Derek is fifteen when he dies. He's been fifteen for six years when he meets Stiles. And then suddenly... suddenly things start looking up.

One More Again by HelloWhyTheFuckAmIHere | 22.2K

When a strange man appears in the Hale Pack territory with an unusual proposition for Stiles and Lydia, Stiles is unable to resist going back in time to stop the Hale House fire.

Even after a few bumps in the road, Stiles finds himself in the past with one nearly-insurmountable goal - getting Talia Hale and the rest of her family to trust him with their lives.

You Only Live Once...or Twice by WonderWolf | 32.9K | Explicit

“Anything,” Derek’s eyes are determined, boring into Stiles’.

Stiles huffs a laugh, “Careful there, big guy. Don’t want to be promising anything to every necromancer you meet. Some might ask for your soul or someth—”

“I’ll give you my soul to bring her back,” Derek says, his voice steady and strong with resolve, “if that’s what you want.”

Stiles’ mouth gapes open for a moment before his brain kicks into gear and he stutters out, “N-no, I don’t ask for that. I only ask for money.”

(Or the one in which Stiles is a necromancer who needs help stopping a rogue alpha and Derek is the solution, but at what cost?)

Stiles plans are the worst (the best) by Dashar | 88.7K

Stiles world ended when his pack died. It didn’t exactly come as a surprise. He had been running with wolves for so long that within hunters and monsters it was just a matter of time. It was a surprise when the world ended too. And Stiles… Well, he had to do something about that.

[piedpiperslists]

JJK: Boss / CEO AU

List of all Jungkook fics under 'Boss / CEO' AU:

* ² - two shots s - contains smut

* Last updated: 11/02/2024

D R A B B L E S

Dominion by junghelioseok s boss au, PWP Summary: Mondays are your favorite for a reason.

January Rain by joheunsaram CEO!Jungkook, secretary!reader

Knight in Distress by jimilter CEO!Jungkook, enemies to lovers, chaebol au Summary: You hate him so much. And you also hate God for gifting him with such a delectable body when he literally has a peanut for a brain. Life is so unfair.

O N E S H O T S

Desperate Housewife by kimnjss s wc~5.5k / housewife!reader, established relationship Summary: Bored with your husband gone all the time, you decide to take up a new hobby… Jungkook can only seem to focus on one thing when it comes to your new pastime.

Fifth Wish by jiminrings wc~18k / rich kid!Jungkook, bodyguard!reader, fake dating Summary: Jeon Jungkook, world-class socialite and nepotism baby, should be out every night to celebrate while he’s at his prime. Why should he fake-date his bodyguard instead? Alternatively, Jungkook regularly throws coins to wishing wells with only one desire in mind — to get rid of you.

Lush by hamsterclaw s wc~7k / CEO!Jungkook, one night stand au Summary: Jungkook's built his empire from nothing, and he's damn well going to sit back and enjoy the spoils.

Midas by gukyi wc~32k / CEO!Jungkook, enemies to lovers, magical realism au Summary: Jeon Jungkook was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and the power to turn whatever he wants into pure gold. You were born with healing and invisibility powers but without a cent to your name. So when you’re plucked off of the streets for pickpocketing and assigned to be his minder as punishment, you realize you’re going to have to overcome a lot more than class differences if either of you are going to get what you want.

Mugs & Kisses by minisugakoobies wc~6k / CEO!reader, strangers to lovers, barista au Summary: Jungkook has something he'd like to tell you, but he can't find the words. So he's thought of another way.

Officially Yours by personasintro s wc~4k / CEO!Jungkook, arranged marriage Summary: You're his and he is yours on the paper – but what is the reality?

Overtime by cupofteaguk s wc~12k / boss!Jungkook Summary: An awkward first encounter with your new boss gives Jeon Jungkook all the more reason to make your job an interesting experience.

Second Chances by parkhabits s wc~14.4k / CEO!Jungkook, exes to lovers, divorce au Summary: Work. One of the most important things to him. It kept him company at night, it was all he thought about, all he put his attention to. His work had become the mistress within your marriage. Years after you left him you’re back with only one goal in mind. Get him to sign the damn divorce papers. Yet you should’ve known that your husband wouldn’t let you go that easily.

* Sugar Honey Iced Tea by bangtaninink s wc~3.6k / ft MYG, CEO!Jungkook, sugar daddy au Summary: It’s been a stressful week, and the two CEOs of BTS Enterprises are in need of some rest and relaxation. But you haven’t been answering their calls, and they’re not very happy.

Sweeter than Sugar by jungkxook s wc~22.2k / CEO!Jungkook, sugar daddy au Summary: When infamous playboy Jeon Jungkook comes to you with a proposition that you know you should say no to, you can’t. Because all you really know is that being spoiled has never felt so sweet before.

The Millionaire and His Lover by gukyi s wc~18k / CEO!Jungkook, friends to lovers, fake dating Summary: Over the course of your lifelong friendship with Jungkook, you can’t say that you’ve ever had the greatest ideas, and a fake relationship with the boy you’ve been in love with for years is no exception.

What Money Can Buy by jeonstudios wc~17.8k / sugar baby!Jungkook, CEO!reader, strangers to lovers Summary: In need of money, Jeongguk signs up as a sugar baby, assuming he’ll be paid for sex by some old kinky woman. He never expected to meet someone like you. What were you doing on that site, and why would you have to pay for company?

Yes, Sir by peekaboongi s wc~2.2k / boss au, PWP Summary: You wear a particularly tight skirt to the office one day and your boss is having none of it.

T W O S H O T S / S E R I E S

Fight for You by ahundredtimesover s bodyguard!Jungkook, heiress!reader Summary: Working at a private security agency has its perks. The downside? Being the personal bodyguard of spoiled, rich heiresses like you. But there are things that Jungkook didn’t expect, like rejecting you, falling for you, and realizing what he’d been missing all along.

Glitter and Disquiet ² by joheunsaram s CEO!Jungkook, YouTuber!reader, enemies to lovers, chaebol au Summary: Poised to inherit Korea’s largest gaming company in a few months, the world looks at Jeon Jungkook as a symbol of envy. Why wouldn’t they? He has everything, riches, power, and according to the rumour mill, endless women. Little do they know that his father’s company is on the verge of downfall, he barely has respect of his employees, and regardless of the rumours, he’s just a virgin saving himself for true love.

Over the Odds by jungk0oksthighs s CEO!Jungkook, sugar daddy au

re: untitled [pt2] [pt3] [pt4] by to-star-lake s CEO!Jungkook, arranged marriage

Woman on Top by heartbeatan s actor!Jungkook, CEO!reader, older!reader, producer!reader, FWB

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

L&O Fic Recs (Mostly Kincoy)

Notes:

Fics are listed in no particular order outside of website specifications

Most of these fics are Claire/Jack, but not all (there’s also character-centric fics, some femslash, at least one niche rarepair, etc.)

If you read, be sure to reblog (Tumblr), kudos (AO3), and leave a kind comment (all platforms)!

The summaries for the majority of these fics are the same as were posted with the story; for the one or two that had particularly vague summaries or no summary at all, I provided a sentence

Fics are complete unless stated otherwise

I may update this list occasionally in the future :)

Feel free to reblog with your own additions!

Tumblr:

Red and Pink, by fighterkimburgess; Claire/Jack, oneshot, unrated, 1.4k.

It’s Valentine’s Day 1996, and Claire Kincaid is making big decisions.

you’re too tall, by serenasoutherlyns; Claire/Jack, oneshot, unrated, 210 words.

Claire looks up at Jack as she says it, her eyelashes fluttering, her hand coming to grasp at his tie, watching with satisfaction as his eyes darken.

AO3:

Mine Eyes Dazzle, by GilShalos1; Claire/Jack, four fics, ratings include G, T, and E, 38.4k total.

A series of stories all set within the same fanon: Jack and Claire, and Jack after Claire.

lovers lost in time, by lonely_is_so_lonely_alone; Claire/Jack, 13 chapters, rated G, 22.2k.

She knew it was crossing a line – crashing through a boundary they had set themselves in those first, slow, weeks.

Her head screamed at her. Not again. Not again. Not again.

– tracing the relationship between Claire and Jack, from their first kiss to their last.

it was more than worth it, by faerialchemist (me!); Claire/Jack, 2 chapters, rated T, 32k.

Claire shook her head, lacing their fingers together. “How about we lay down some ground rules?”

Jack chuckled. “Rules, huh?”

“Yes.” A smirk twitched at her lips. “If you come within six inches of my personal space in the office, I have permission to taze you.”

(Or: 7 times people found out about Jack and Claire’s relationship + 1 time people were told.)

love in rushes, by serenaclaires; Claire/Jack (ft. a smattering of other Claire pairings, including Margot/Claire), oneshot, rated T, 500 words.

Claire kisses him like he might disappear.

Takeout Lives (or, The Turkey Effect), by missanotherboat; Claire & Jack & Adam, oneshot, rated G, 2.2k.

“Most people wait until Christmas to let it flow – memories, guilt, joy, pain – but I should have known you wouldn’t be caught dead in a conventional depression.”

the lock that kept it dark, by serenaclaires; Alexandra & Jack, Abbie & Jack, Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated M, 5.3k.

The first few times, it’s the smallest glimpses. A flash of dark brunette in the back of a courtroom that is gone as soon as he sees it.

passionately, i’d say, by serenaclaires; Claire/Jack, one chapter, rated T, 1.3k. Ongoing.

Jacqueline “Man-eater” McCoy, Claire recalls the sexist but accurate nickname among the many the new EADA had acquired.

match point, by faerialchemist (me!); Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 2.9k.

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Claire, Adam wants us to be in the office at 7 tomorrow.”

Claire bit back another sigh. “I’m well aware, Jack, but like you said—my car isn’t going anywhere right now. Not without a tow truck.”

“Then let me take you home.”

Claire stiffened, her traitorous heart skipping a beat at his suggestion. “I’m sorry?”

won’t you hang a picture?, by faerialchemist (me!); Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 3.6k.

She watched in silence how his toned back, his firm shoulders rose and fell with each slow breath he took, the consequential snores causing her to bite her tongue to hold back a laugh. If only the court could see him now—the fearless, fiery Jack McCoy sleeping on his stomach with one hand under his pillow and snoring like a disgruntled cat.

Maybe it was selfish, maybe it was childish, but Claire reveled in the fact that this sight was one reserved solely for her.

(Or: It’s 3 AM, and Claire Kincaid finds herself thinking about Jack McCoy.)

come on, babe (why don’t we paint the town?), by faerialchemist (me!); Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 2.9k. Part 1 of and all that jazz.

“Sounds lovely,” Jack said. He started commenting about the color, some stupid, quippy remark, no doubt, but Claire was only half-listening as she stood to slowly unzip her pencil skirt.

Based on the way Jack cut himself off with an awkward cough halfway through his sentence, Claire had a feeling her phone had picked up the sound just fine.

(Or: Claire gets ready for a night out. Jack listens in.)

find a flask (we’re playing fast and loose), by faerialchemist (me!); Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 5k. Part 2 of and all that jazz.

Of course, Jack’s age hadn’t stopped a few beautiful young women—and one handsome young man—from approaching him with a wink and a casual hand trailing across his chest. One girl had curly dark hair and was even wearing a short red dress.

But none of them were Claire, and therein lay the problem.

(Or: Jack tries to find Claire on her night out. Easier said than done.)

come on, babe (we’re gonna brush the sky), by faerialchemist (me!); Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 2.7k. Part 3 of and all that jazz.

Wincing at the stiffness of her shoulders and the thunder that continued to boom against the inside of her skull, Claire reached over to retrieve the folded paper.

It was a note, she realized upon closer inspection, a note scribbled in very familiar cursive. Its message was concise: You’ll need these.

Right.

Jack.

(Or: Claire wakes up after a wild night out. Jack is there, too.)

With Mechanical Assistance, by ememmyemmers; Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated G, 1.5k.

Too scared of his reputation as a man who sleeps with his assistants, Jack McCoy has hidden his growing feelings for Claire Kincaid for months. But one late night ride in the office’s ancient elevators might change it all… 

the saviours, by lonely_is_so_lonely_alone. Claire/Jack, Jack & Jamie, oneshot, rated T, 5.4k.

After Jamie’s disciplinary hearing at the end of Justice, she and Jack go back to the office for a drink.

Later, Abbie crashes the party.

And as always, things turn back to Claire, the ghost in the walls.

– Coda to 10x05, Justice

between friends, by lonely_is_so_lonely_alone. Claire/Jack, Jack & Jamie, oneshot, rated G, 2.9k.

After Jack walks out of the Grand Jury in 9x14, a old friend comes to visit him in DC

– Or Jack and Jamie talk about what pushed him over the edge.

three’s a crowd, by lonely_is_so_lonely_alone. Claire/Jack, Jack & Jamie, oneshot, rated T, 2.8k.

Jack and Jamie talk about the elephant in the room.

– post ep for Under the Influence (8x11)

belief, by lonely_is_so_lonely_alone. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 7.1k.

He doesn’t believe in ghosts. Nope. Not at all. He is Jack McCoy, rational down to cynical. He’s seen all the world can offer, right under the floorboards of humanity and back out. He doesn’t believe in ghosts but – but – there’s a ghost sitting on the edge of his desk when he gets back from court.

– Every time Jack McCoy loses an ADA, there’s a familiar face there to talk about why.

Principessa, by listentothewordsyousay. Claire/Jack, four chapters, rated T, 1.2k. Ongoing.

Kneeling beside her hospital bed, he had the sudden, deranged recollection of the prince kneeling beside Snow White’s bed. Some Prince Charming he was, he thought bitterly.

Mistletoe, by listentothewordsyousay. Claire/Jack, two chapters, rated T, 558 words. Ongoing.

He stood directly behind her at the bar, just close enough for him to feel her shiver when he spoke softly into the curve of her shoulder. ‘I like the dress.’

A Dinner in Hot Pursuit, by listentothewordsyousay. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 599 words.

‘You’re wondering what sort of man I am, too.’

Aftermath, by GilShalos1. Claire/Jack, 10 chapters, rated T, 998 words.

Ten drabbles – a different take on “Aftershock”

In Limine, by GilShalos1. Claire/Jack, 10 chapters, rated T, 7.6k.

What if fanfic and reruns are the afterlife for dead TV characters? Claire Kincaid discovers that her life isn’t what she assumed it to be. But is there anything she can do about it now?

A Bad Idea, by HandwithQuill. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated G, 559 words.

Jack and Claire in the office on the night they become a couple.

Against All Good Advice, by castles. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated G, 754 words.

Five Season 5 snapshots.

De Jure, by VelvetMouse. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 1.3k.

This job got more interesting all the time.

White Knight, by GilShalos1. Jack & OC, 16 chapters, rated T, 7.9k.

Jack McCoy pays attention to the people he works with, especially the women… Even those who don’t want to be noticed.

Set early in the 24 years McCoy worked in the DA’s Office before his first appearance in “Second Opinion.”

Casual, by shonn. Abbie/Serena, oneshot, rated G, 217 words.

When opposites attract.

Case Files, by eastberlin. Abbie/Toni, oneshot, rated G, 247 words.

Abbie is a neat freak. Toni, not so much.

city glacier, by kimaracretak. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 3.5k. Recommended by @sit-drink-smile!

There’s a comfort to the ritual, Claire on the couch with case files, him on the phone, even the open bottle. All they need is Adam to poke his head in the door and scold them for still being around this late, and it’ll be just like it was before. But they’ve outlasted him tonight, and the building’s late-night quiet seems empty.

[ On survival, grief, and vampirism. ]

all i need is a taste, by faerialchemist (me!). Margot/Claire, oneshot, rated T, 1.4k.

Claire hums in agreement, undoing another two of Margot’s buttons. “Even I could kiss you better than—better than what’s-his-face, I bet.”

It isn’t until Margot’s back stiffens beneath her touch that Claire realizes what sequence of words has left her mouth.

FFN:

N.B. I highly recommend getting yourself an adblocker before reading any of these, FFN is going down the tubes.

I Did It My Way, by defyngravity. Nina/Mike L., six chapters, rated T, 9.5k.

Nina Cassady is relaxing at a bar after a long day of work, hoping for some alone time. But someone comes in from out of the cold…

The Moment to Turn, by snarkhunter. Abbie-centric, oneshot, rated K+, 1.3k.

Coffee, country music, and contemplation.

Aftershock: McCoy, by Cirocco. Jack-centric, Claire/Jack, five chapters, rated T, 38.2k.

“Aftershock,” mostly from Jack McCoy’s point of view.

Aftershock: Kincaid, by Cirocco. Claire-centric, Claire/Jack, three chapters, rated T, 18.8k.

“Aftershock,” mostly from Claire Kincaid’s point of view.

A Run Through Central Park, by LTP-girl. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 462 words.

Jack and Claire share an afternoon jog.

you remembered, by nevermore199. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated K+, 105 words.

Happy anniversary. Drabble, Jack x Claire. Written for Law and Order 100.

Delaying The Inevitable, by MandaLou. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 137 words.

LJ Community Challenge: Footwear.

cold as ice, by nevermore199. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated K+, 200 words.

It’s all so cold now. Oneshot, Jack x Claire, post-Aftershock.

All About the Coffee, by commasplice27. Abbie/Serena, oneshot, rated T, 904 words.

Abbie & Serena. Flirting. Fluff. Femslash.

Take a Little OneStep, by Bleeding Heart Sacred Soul. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated K+, 1.1k.

How she did it, he would never know, but somehow Claire convinced Jack to go ice-skating with her. JM/CK. Oneshot.

Bottles And Flowers, by Killer_Moth. Claire & Jack, oneshot, rated K+, 1k.

Second Opinion ficlet. It’s my take on Jack’s “drink” line to Claire.

Over Breakfast, by Sugar Kane. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 603 words.

Much has been made of Jack and Claire’s first kiss. What about their last?

Lunch Hour, by Teyerin. Alexandra & Jack, nine chapters, rated K+, 6.5k.

A collection of lunch hour gatherings between two coworkers.

L&O: Christmas Memories, by lupinskitten. Claire/Jack, three chapters, rated K+, 3.7k.

Forced to return home for the holidays, and bringing along her lover Jack McCoy, a nervous Claire Kincaid faces more than an icy lane. A Christmas Story for all the JackClaire shippers out there.

L&O: Impulse, by lupinskitten. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated T, 887 words.

One evening after work, McCoy and Kincaid take their relationship all the way.

L&O: Awakenings, by lupinskitten. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated K+, 1.2k.

After her first night with Jack, Claire reflects on past relationships and doubts whether their affair can escape the notice of coworkers. Sequel to “Impulse.”

Last Visit, by Animaltalker. Lennie & Ed, oneshot, rated K+, 531 words.

Ed decides to visit Lennie.

Doing Lunch, by Animaltalker. Jack & Serena, oneshot, rated K+, 436 words.

After she’s fired, Jack meets Serena for lunch and helps her plan out her future.

You Can’t Go Home Again: Trilogy, by fewthistle. Serena-centric, oneshot, rated K+, 384 words.

A drabble trilogy set right after Serena’s firing in Ain’t No Love. A little on the melancholy side.

The Gift of the Magi (The Law and Order Version), by AnneKB. Claire/Jack, oneshot, rated K+, 4.1k.

What do you get for the person who has everything?

Walk and Don’t Look Back, by Cirocco. Deborah/Rey, oneshot, rated K+, 4.3k.

Five months after Aftershock. Angst.