#this game had me in a chokehold when I was 14

[emily-mooon]

Here’s some silly three houses doodles I made today! (+some nice sketches)

[youunravelme]

slowly, then all at once

author's note: i'm going through some shit and needed to alleviate it with fluff and also it's mat's birthday (or at least it was when i started this)! EDIT: this takes place in an alternative TATGYLB universe bc went an ENTIRELY different direction with this series (because i don't plan well lolol). (stole the title from the fault in our stars because that book had me in a CHOKEHOLD at 14)

pairing: mat barzal x reader

warnings: none? cursing?

summary: the stages of mat falling in love with you

mat saw how you were with ella, the way you'd smile and talk to her like she could hold a conversation. or the way you never chided him or condescended to him when he did something completely stupid.

which is more than what he could say about his teammates.

so when he heard your piece of shit boyfriend screaming at you over the phone? or when he showed up unannounced and trying to "win you back?"

mat was livid.

he was sure jason had never hit you, because if there was any indication of that, mat would be all over it.

so while he's sure jason never inflicted physical harm, he saw the way you kept to yourself and even the way you looked surprised at his invitation to lunch or the game.

it broke his heart a little, to think that you'd never once considered yourself now a part of his life. when, in fact, the second you agreed to watch ella, it was like he'd pulled you into the fold.

he was on a mission to prove it to you.

inviting you to his game was the first step in his original plan.

well.

it was the first non intimidating step. (tito mentioned that maybe meeting his mom and sister after only knowing him for like a week was not the smartest move he'd ever made.)

you still looked out of your element when he asked, but he's positive that it was his own enthusiasm that convinced you to say yes.

and he thought it was a great idea! he got you and jason tickets, thinking that maybe you'd be more comfortable with having him around. and perhaps that was true at some point, but when he saw you, standing with only ella and sydney with water lining your eyes, something in his chest twisted.

you looked shaken, like someone had stuck you in a blender.

"where's jason?" was apparently the wrong thing to ask because sydney changed the subject almost immediately.

you wouldn't even look at him.

and when you told him about your piece of shit boyfriend leaving you?

mat wasn't prepared for the burning in his chest. no one got away with treating a friend of his that way, but seeing as you just avoided the topic altogether, he dropped it.

until you went upstairs to your apartment and didn't text him. tito would say he has a habit of hovering at times and maybe he never really agreed until five minutes passed without a word from you.

if you asked, he would've denied the intense concern growing in his chest. but how else was he supposed to react when you seemed so dissociated the rest of the night?

thankfully, you picked up almost immediately.

"hello?"

mat cleared his throat. "hey, you never texted me to say you got in alright. you okay?”

now it could've only been a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime before he heard your voice.

“keep the car running, i’ll be down in a few minutes.”

mat was ready to grab ella and head upstairs, car be damned.

he couldn't hear what else really happened on the phone, he only knew that you came downstairs, empty handed, and frazzled. the sight alone had him contemplating going into your apartment to figure out exactly what was going on, but he knew the best decision was take you back to his place.

he'd figured it out when jason showed up with his daughter's car seat screaming at you for wearing his clothes. screaming at you like you were somehow in the wrong, like he wasn't the one who cheated on you.

you.

who had to be the most selfless person he knew (don't tell his mom).

you.

who had readily agreed to take care of his daughter on a whim because he was insanely scared.

you.

who was one of the only topic of conversation his mother wanted to discuss. it used to just be hockey and how he was doing. now the thirty minute phone calls turned into hour and a half long facetimes where ella and you are regular topics for discussion.

mat couldn't comprehend how someone could look at you and want to tear you down, but after you officially broke up with jason? he was determined to show you how much you deserved.

exhibit a

"it's five sugars, right?" mat called over his shoulder once he heard your footsteps coming into the kitchen.

you paused in the doorway. "what?"

mat turned around, two mugs of coffee in his hands. "you like five sugars, right?"

ella sat on your hip but didn't seem to give a flying fuck that he was in front of her.

"you--you remembered?" you tilted your head. "you only made me coffee like once?"

mat's face heated up at the implication but smirked anyway. "i have a great memory!"

"could've surprised me from the amount of times you get hit."

mat shrugged, still not completely used to the idea of you watching his games, even if they were just highlights. he held the mug out to you in exchange for ella.

"you wanna come to a game again?" he offered.

you looked at him before breaking eye contact and sipping your coffee. "i don't know if that's the best idea after last time. i don't want to embarrass you again--"

"woah woah woah," mat sat his coffee mug on the island before holding a hand up at you. it didn't sit right with him to see you so ashamed of something someone else did. "what happened at the game was not your fault. it was his, okay? you weren't to blame."

"you weren't even there to see it--"

"and i don't need to, okay? i know you." he meant it. but seeing as the conversation was getting a little too heavy, he changed the subject. "just think about it! and let me know what game you want to go to."

you didn't say anything, but just gave him a small smile and nodded.

he'd count it as a win.

exhibit b

it'd been about four months since you'd started working with mat, three months since you moved in.

not that he was counting.

there were things that were harder with having you around. mainly remembering to wear a shirt when he wakes up in the morning, or to not adjust his junk until he was in the bathroom or his bedroom.

but--

there were many more things that were significantly easier (and better) with you in his life (and apartment).

sleep training ella was easy as hell

keeping an eye on ella who was walking now

the apartment actually smelled nice? not that it smelled bad before, but now it smelled like a home.

and who knew decorative pillows made a difference?

but his favorite thing recently?

grocery shopping.

he was currently pushing ella around in a shopping cart while you scrolled on your phone through the list.

"so what do we need next?" he asked.

"if you'd give me a second, i'd have the answer for you," you snipped.

by now, mat was used to your snide comments, knowing that you were just a bit quippy when you were focused.

"ella, is your nanny being a little cranky?" he joked, ignoring the glare you were shooting his way.

you rolled your eyes and tossed a bag of bread at his head that would've hit its mark had he not had the reflexes that gave him a professional hockey career.

"excuse me?" an older woman spoke up from behind him. "as cute as your little family is, can you move out of the way? you're clogging up the aisle."

mat blinked. time froze. he'd never fully considered the implications of the three of you out in public together. but being the comment of you, him, and ella being a "little family" had his heart stopping in his chest.

"oh of course!" you spoke up and grabbed mat by the arm. the feel of your touch alone had him directing his attention to the physical contact.

he looked at you instead of the woman, watched as you mumbled to ella as you pulled all three of you out of the way. his brain went on overdrive.

god he never wanted you to let go of him ever again. he would give anything to just be able to hold onto you a little longer.

and he must've been thinking for too long because you were snapping your fingers in front of his face?

"mat? you okay? did i lose you there?" you had a cute pinch between your brows and a small frown on your face.

that wouldn't do.

so he smiled and nodded. "sorry, just thinking about something."

you.

exhibit c

you went out for the night with sydney while he hung out with tito and anders. initially, you said you'd look for a sitter to cover you, but mat laughed that suggestion off.

he didn't say it, but you were no longer a nanny to him anymore. and you deserved a night off without the stress of finding a replacement. anders and marty suggested a babysitter that he hired for the night immediately.

"are you sure you don't want me to wait until she gets here? i can help explain ella's routine!" you said.

mat rolled his eyes as he herded you towards the door. "i'll be fine, go have fun!"

you let him gently push you out of the door but turned around and looked at him. "if you need me, text me."

mat smiled. "if you need me, call me."

the babysitter arrived five minutes early which meant mat could spend that time kissing ella's cheeks and reiterating her schedule to the sitter.

he was the last person at the bar, anders and tito were already sitting in a booth, each with a beer in their hands, an extra one on the table for him (he assumed).

"didn't wanna leave ella?" anders asked.

tito scoffed. "more like he didn't wanna leave mama bear." mat rolled his eyes while anders cackled in response.

"shut up, beau."

"ah! but you didn't deny it!"

mat shook his head and took a seat in the leather booth. "what's there to deny? we're roommates and she watches ella all the time. we're friends."

tito made a noise in the back of his throat. "you and i are friends, barzy. you make goo goo eyes at her when you think no one is looking."

"no i don't."

anders piped in. "you nearly ran into me on the ice because you were staring at her wearing your jersey."

"no," he defended. "ella was making a really cute face!"

anders blinked at him before rolling his eyes. "sure, barzy."

mat grumbled under his breath and chugged half his beer.

two hours or so had passed with the three of them talking shit about other teams. anders had hinted at leaving, checking his phone just to make sure grace didn't text him. mat found himself doing the same thing to make sure the babysitter hadn't said anything, or maybe to see if you had.

tito didn't seem to give two shits about his phone. and why would he? he was the only one without kids.

they were in the middle of a conversation about the upcoming devils game when mat's phone started buzzing.

sydney martin.

mat picked up the phone, albeit a bit confused. "hello?"

"mat! hey!" sydney greeted. "are you busy?"

mat glanced at tito and anders whose brows were furrowed. "no, why what's up?" his swore his heart stopped in his chest when she said your name. "is she okay? what's wrong?"

"she's a little drunk and crying and asking for you. i don't know if you're sober enough--"

"i'm sober," he said. "only had one beer." he was already reaching for his keys in his pocket. "what's she crying about?"

sydney sighed through the phone. "we saw jason and her old roommate out at the bar tonight. he made a few comments."

mat's jaw clenched. he forced words out through his teeth. "what did he say?"

"mat--"

"no, if he said some shit, sydney, i need to know."

"no," she corrected. "what you need to do is get over here and take her home."

mat was already standing. "i'm on my way."

sydney hung up.

"everything okay?" anders asked.

"probably something to do with mama bear," tito commented.

mat sighed. "she ran into her piece of shit ex and is now inconsolable. i have to go pick her up."

anders snorted. "right. 'have to.'"

mat ignored the comment and said goodbye, already rushing out of the bar to get to you.

it was another ten minutes before he saw you, standing outside a bar with sydney. he could see your tears from the car.

mat jumped out and hurried towards you. sydney all but pushed you into his arms.

and it felt like the world made sense again. you fit perfectly in his arms, against his chest, head tucked into his neck.

"mat--" you sobbed. "i--i can't--"

he kissed the top of your head. "let's get you home, okay?"

exhibit d

ella was saying actual words now like most babies her age. mat used to look at anders, marty, and other parents a little judgmentally, he'll admit, because while babies learning to do things was incredibly cool, he didn't fully understand the hype.

until she said dada for the first time.

it damn near made him cry.

and like for all of her other milestones, you were there beside him with your phone recording the moment. you almost missed it, but you had a sixth sense for those things, figuring out when ella was going to do something incredible.

that was two weeks ago and it still never got old to hear her say his name when he came home or rounded the corner.

he'd been known as mathew, mat, barzy, barzal, gary, and a slew of other names, but dada had to be his favorite. to belong to someone who needed you so wholly was the best feeling in the world.

that and seeing you smile at him.

he'd accepted it now, there was no denying it, not after half the team was on his case about his feelings for you. and how could he not fall in love with you? you were gentle and kind and handled the shittiest situations with so much grace (he wasn't joking, he'd wanted to fight jason the second you came out of your old apartment looking like you'd seen a ghost).

you handled his friends with ease, never letting tito's teasing affect you. you handled the "mama bear" nickname with ease, even laughing at it at times.

you just made his world so much better just by existing in it.

which is why he gave you the day off while he and tito took ella around the city.

ella was fine for most of the day, though she kept glancing around.

"probably looking for mama bear," tito guessed. "i would be too if you were the one looking after me."

mat flipped him off behind ella's back. "i'm not an idiot."

"before you met mama bear, you kinda were."

he rolled his eyes. "sorry for not knowing how to take care of a baby as soon as i find out i have one. most people have nine months to prepare for the arrival of a child. ella literally showed up on my doorstep."

truth be told, he was parroting the words you'd said to him a week ago when the guilt settled in about how much of a shitty father he was. you were quick to correct him, saying the exact things he told tito, that for a man who found out he had a child only a few months ago, he was doing a great job, and he was even better than some other fathers who left the parenting to their partner.

"i'd never leave you hanging like that," he'd said to you.

but you shrugged off his comment. "it's a little different when it's my job to take care of your kid, mat."

"you've done a great job, barzy," beau said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "there's no doubt about it. you can tell because she loves you."

ella smiled at mat and pushed his cheeks together.

"what do you say we get back to mama bear, huh?" he asked his daughter who only seemed to smile wider at the mention your nickname.

it was another fifteen minutes before they were home, rowdy and disturbing the peace and quiet you'd created for yourself.

"we're back!" mat called as tito shut the front door behind him.

they were setting things down on the floor by the door when you walked out in sweats.

"mama bear!�� tito cheered.

you smiled and mat couldn't breathe. "how was my baby?"

mat was embarrassed to say he almost answered for himself. "she was great," was what he said instead. "isn't that right, ella bean?"

ella was reaching for you, making grabby hands in your general direction babbling something he couldn't quite make out.

"what'd you say, baby?" you asked.

"mama," she said.

and the room went silent.

mat's eyes kept darting from ella to you like he was watching a game of olympic table tennis. ella kept reaching for you until you finally gave in and held her. it was then he saw the tears streaming down your cheeks.

mat immediately went into defense mode.

"i'm sorry, i promise i didn't teach her intentionally, she probably picked it up from us calling you mama bear all the time and--"

you shut him up by placing a small kiss on his cheek and squeezing his forearm before turning on your heel.

"let's take a nap, ella bean."

mat couldn't speak, not even when you left the room. tito clapped him on the shoulder before heading towards the kitchen.

"you're so gone for her."

exhibit e

"are you sure about this?" you called from the other room. mat was in the living room adjusting his tie in the mirror on the wall while the babysitter was playing with ella on the floor.

to be honest, when he was complaining to beau about not having a date to some charity event the islanders were hosting, he wasn't expecting beau to suggest you. though, given how beau kept winking and nudging him after every time you and mat so much as made eye contact, it shouldn't have been surprising.

it wasn't that he didn't think of asking you, it was more like he didn't think you'd actually say yes.

"sure about what?" he called back.

"bringing me."

"i've never been more sure about something in awhile."

"you're so dramatic," you laughed.

mat would give anything to bottle up the sound.

"does this look okay?' mat turned when your voice sounded closer than it was a second ago.

he couldn't breathe.

god you looked beautiful.

"oh," you said softly. "your tie matches my dress."

if he could've he would've looked down to confirm your observation, but he couldn't take his eyes off you. your hair was perfectly styled, your makeup, flawless. the navy of your dress was perfectly matched to his tie and pocket square, something that shouldn't matter as much to him as it did.

but it was you.

so it meant the world.

you looked like you were his.

"yeah," was all he could say.

"you never answered my question," you said. "do i look okay? because if it's too much--"

"perfect," he said. "you look perfect."

you smiled. "sydney picked it out." thank you sydney. "you look handsome too mat, though, your tie..." you gestured to his neck so he turned around to see it crooked still. "do you need help?"

"yes please," he sighed. "i've looked up videos, but tito usually helps me do it."

"aw," you cooed. "you looked it up? that's so cute!" your deft fingers began undoing the knot and redoing it way better than he could've.

"how are you so good at this?"

you shrugged. "when i was fourteen, i read a book where a girl tied her husband's tie and i wanted to be able to do the same for the love of my life one day. so i asked my dad to teach me. i'm a bit of a hopeless romantic."

the love of your life.

god he'd give anything to be loved by you.

and it would be so easy just to lean forward a couple of inches and kiss you.

right there.

give in to what he'd been feeling for months.

but the babysitter rounded the corner with ella who was chanting mama and dada which somehow ruined the mood and made him want to kiss you even more.

"be good, sweet girl. we'll see you tomorrow." you made your way to the front door while he kissed his daughter on the head.

"i'm not sure how long we'll be out, but i'll keep you updated," he told the babysitter.

the babysitter nodded, which to be honest, he barely noticed because his attention was back on you and how your dress, while it had sleeves, had a dip in the back. he didn't know that skin could be so alluring, but maybe it was the fact that it was you.

mat cleared his throat and bid the babysitter and ella goodbye before ushering the both of you out of the door.

the drive lasted longer than he wanted it to, mainly because he couldn't wait to get to the event just to show you off.

was this how he was supposed to feel with all of his other exes? the desire to show the world you were his?

"you okay? you're quiet, it's unlike you," you said.

mat shrugged, mainly so he didn't immediately profess his feelings. "just a lot on my mind."

"uh oh. that can't be good," you joked. you leaned over the console and placed your chin in your hand. "you wanna talk about it?"

mat's hands on the wheel tensed, mainly to keep himself from leaning over and kissing you immediately.

"i'm good, maybe we can discuss it later."

you shrugged. "if you say so."

the both of you arrived at the event shortly thereafter with mat passing his keys off to the valet. "stay seated," he told you before getting out and rounding the car to open your door.

"you didn't have to--"

"i know," he smiled. "i wanted to." mat offered you his arm and you took it, wrapping your hand around his bicep like it belonged there.

the two of you spotted marty and sydney first; the latter all but shrieked when she saw you.

"you look amazing!" she said before tugging you out of mat's arm and into her own. "i told you this dress was the one."

"you didn't say i would've matched mat," you mumbled, though he still heard it over the buzz in the room. he was always listening to you.

marty nudged him. "you seem pleased with yourself."

mat smiled. "i am."

you were laughing at something sydney said when tito came up and clapped him and marty on the shoulders. "let's get you a drink, barzy. you look thirsty." he leaned in. "in more than one way."

mat shoved him off and leaned towards you, gently touching your arm. "i'm going with beau and marty to get a drink, but i'll be back."

you smiled and nodded. "okay, don't worry about me, mat. i'll be fine in your absence."

he let himself be whisked away from you and towards the bar where a drink was placed in his hand pretty quickly.

"so," tito started. "you two match."

"it was syd's doing," marty explained. "she orchestrated the whole thing. picked out the dress based on the tie mat wears every year. it was her new project."

mat flushed but did his best to brush it off.

"i don't know how you did it barzy," tito continued. "she looks good. if i were you i would've--"

"watch it, beauvillier."

"i was gonna say--"

"i don't care what you were gonna say, i probably wouldn't have liked it."

"well then, maybe you should take a chance and ask her out finally. the pining was cute at first, now it's bordering on pathetic."

mat rolled his eyes while marty laughed into his drink.

"look, you have a good thing going, you brought her here as your date, ella calls her mama, you two are as good as locked in and committed. you just have to do the hard work of officially asking her out!"

his gaze travelled to the other side of the room where you were laughing along with sydney and grace. you looked like you belonged in his world.

effortlessly.

mat made a move to go over to you, but marty caught his arm. "this is not the place to ask her out," he said. "as much as you want to, you don't want her thinking it took a pretty dress to get you to take her out."

"that's not the case here--"

"does she know that?"

mat rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink.

it was another thirty minutes before he made his way back to you. he found you standing alone on the balcony with a glass of champagne in your hand.

"you okay?" he asked. "no one's bothering you or anything, right?"

you looked over your shoulder and snorted. "i'm not important enough to be bothered by the donors, mat."

"don't say that. you're important."

you rolled your eyes. "not what i meant, mathew."

god he loved it when you said his name.

"i just meant that the donors don't really pay attention to me, so i've just been hanging out with the wives all night since my date ditched me," you teased.

"okay to be fair, tito pulled me away, i would've stayed with you all night if i could've."

you blinked. "really?" you asked in a small voice.

he nodded until he found the words to speak. "i love spending time with you. you're one of my favorite people."

within a split second you were closing the distance between the two of you and wrapping your arms around his waist. your arms snuck under his coat so that the only thing separating your skin from his was the thin material of his dress shirt.

it only took him a split second to react to the hug and wrap you in his arms.

you mumbled against his chest. "you're one of my favorite people, too."

in conclusion:

in the end, there was nothing special about that day. it was a saturday in the middle of july back in coquitlam. by the grace of god, he'd convinced you to come to canada for him, not that you could really refuse as he was the one signing your paychecks, you'd joked (though he made it clear he'd continue paying you even if you didn't go).

and maybe he regretted it a little bit, seeing you bond with his family was another nail in his coffin of falling deeper in love with you. there was no way out now, not that he'd ever want one.

it was one particularly hot day in the summer that mat dragged you and the rest of his family to the beach. and maybe that was a mistake (seeing you in a red bikini in public should be illegal).

you sat in the sand with ella building castles, or at least attempting to, while he tried to drown liana in the water. it wasn't until liana finally dunked him, that he trudged back to shore, bent out of shape and irritated.

"you can dish it out but can't take it?" you teased as he plopped onto the sand next to you.

mat glared instead of saying anything mainly because ella was starting to pick up more and more words and she'd say "fuck" too many times thanks to his mouth.

speaking of, when she saw her dad, ella immediately called him before throwing herself into his lap, completely forgetting about you. it was funny to see mainly because it was a new trend of ella's, ditching you for him. it was even funnier because how put out you'd be about it.

just like now with your lip poked out and your eyes rolling.

"oh don't be a sore loser," mat said. "she used to love you more than me."

"well that makes sense, i'm way more likable than you are."

"i can't argue that."

liana came running into their direct line of sight with a polaroid camera in her hand. "i wanna get a picture of the happy family," she said as her explanation. "say cheese!"

mat froze but you didn't bat an eyelash at the idea of being called family. sure, he'd considered you a part of his ever since you agreed to watch his child, but he didn't know you felt the same.

"smile, mathew," you nudged him in the ribs.

he turned his head towards you, ignoring his sister's groans and chirps. he ignored the sound of a camera clicking and the subsequent flash that followed.

his focus was on you.

"mat, what're you looking at?" you asked. he could vaguely register liana walking away as your eyes searched his face for any hint of what could be going on, but all he could think about was you.

you wearing his jersey and holding ella at the stanley cup finals.

you in a few years with a ring on your left hand that he put there.

you with a newborn baby that was the perfect mix of the both of you.

you, old and crinkly, holding his hand on the couch as you told your grandkids stories.

you.

you.

you.

before he could even stop himself, he leaned forward and captured your lips with his.

you responded not a beat later.

and maybe it was embarrassing, how eager he was or how his hand felt like the perfect fit against your cheek. but he couldn't give a shit.

not when he'd waited so long for something like this. for someone like this.

and when you both pulled away, much too soon in his opinion, your eyes were wide.

"why'd you do that?" you whispered.

he shrugged and adjusted ella in his arms. "because my life is better with you in it. because i love you." he cleared his throat. "why'd you kiss me back?"

you smiled and leaned into kiss him again. this time though, instead of pulling fully away, you stayed close so that your lips brushed his. "because i love you too."

[taytrashmouth]

Request: Hiiii first comment on tumblr EVER…I really love 19 and 14..with peeta would be so cute (I’m in a peeta chokehold rn..) I LOVR YOUR WRITINGS SO MUCH I CANT GET ENOUGH💕💕💕🙏🙏🙏 -@bigbootysniffer

Prompt 14: slow dancing by a fire

Prompt 19: person B is insecure about their scars and person A makes them feel better about it

This is adorable, I’m so in love with this request!!! Hope you like it!!!! Thanks so much for all your kind words it really means a lot to me ❤️❤️

Requests are open so please send them in!!!!

Peeta x reader. Set during mockingjay after Peeta is rescued from the capitol.

It had been a rough few weeks. First you lost Peeta, which made you pretty unbearable to be around. Then you saw him on TV saying all those things, using words that weren’t his.

Coin had to lock you in your room when they went to rescue him. When they finally did let you see him, you ignored everyone’s warnings including snows. He tried to kill you which was hard to deal with.

Two weeks later and no real developments had been made in the rebellion and they finally let you be alone with Peeta for an hour. You sat in the fake garden in the base of district 13.

And watched as the guards escorted him over to you. He didn’t look like himself. Thin and covered in bruises.

“Call us if you need to.” One of the guards handed you a buzzer. You nodded.

Peeta sat down on the picnic blanket next to you. You felt nervous around him. Which made you want to cry, you were scared of Peeta.

“Hey.” You smiled.

“Hi.” He didn’t look like he wanted to be here.

“I got your favourite bread. And orange soda.” You showed him.

He just stared. “I can’t remember what’s real and what’s not.” He spoke just above a whisper. He sounded so depressed.

You thought for a moment before answering. “Ask me.”

“Green is your favourite colour. Real or not real?” He stared at you.

“Real. Yours is orange, like the sunset.” You smiled at him.

He almost looked relieved. He sort of smiled and took a sip of the soda. His colour.

“I missed you.” Tears filled your eyes.

He looked at his lap. He couldn’t say the same thing. Still confused as to why he believed you wanted to kill Him.

“You used to make me bread like this all the time. It was my favorite part of the week. Not because i liked the bread, that was just a bonus, but because I got to see you.” You spoke, trying to break the tension.

You tore a piece of bread off the loaf and hit it in your mouth.

“I threw bread at you.” He spoke.

“I was starving, you saved me.” You assured him.

“I burnt it on purpose. And my mother beat me for it. If I didn’t care about you I would’ve had a lot less suffering.”

Tears filled your eyes and regret washed over his face.

“It’s all fuzzy. I’m sorry.” He began to cry, holding his head. He repeated that he was sorry until you held him and he slowly hugged you back.

“It’s okay. I’ll help you remember.” You assured him and brushed some hair off his forehead.

“Thank you.” He half smiled.

You just nodded.

“You want to hurt me. Real or not real.” He wiped a tear off his cheek.

“Not real. I swear.”

He nodded as if telling himself it was okay.

“I couldn’t hurt you even if I wanted to. You’ve always been there for me. With the bread. At the Capitol, in the games, back in 12. Always. The only time I ever saw you hurt anything or anyone was to protect me. You are the sweetest person I know.” You squeezed his hand.

He smiled a little wider now, like he was more sure of himself now.

“I love you…real or not real?” He asked again.

“You never said it to me. But I like to think that you did. You showed it. The way you protected me, the way you kissed me, the small things. You planted daisy’s in my front yard because i mentioned I like the smell. You Gave me a pearl in the games…I hold it when I’m scared and when I was missing you.”

“Do you love me?” He asked simply.

You hesitated for a moment. “Yes. So much. I wish I could explain how much I love you but I don’t have the words to describe it. You’re my favorite person in the whole world.” You were teary.

Very carefully he held your cheek. And kissed you gently. You smiled into the kiss. It was over too soon.

“I think I love you too.” Peeta told you.

That was enough for you. You almost laughed in relief.

“That’s good.” You giggled.

You spent the next 2 hours talking, no guards ever came to get him.

You walked with him to his room, and as you said goodnight, and turned to leave he spoke up.

“Stay,”

“Okay.” You smiled.

He gave you a shirt of his to sleep in and it swallowed you whole. You were sure he would also drown in it after losing so much weight.

He hesitated after watching you lie down on his bed.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

He fiddled with the hem of his shirt. You immediately knew he was scared to show you his body.

“I’ll close me eyes.” You told him and you did.

You heard some shuffling and then after a minute or two he asked you to open your eyes.

His bare chest was shocking. Scars and bruises littered his body, weeks after returning. You could see his ribs.

Tears filled your eyes and your hands came to your face.

“They don’t hurt anymore.” He told you.

“Are you sure?” You asked sadly gesturing for him to climb into bed.

He did. “Some are worse than others.”

“You’re perfect. I hope you know that. The scars just prove how strong you are. What you’ve gone through but didn’t deserve. I love you Peeta.” You told him and put your head on his bare chest.

“Thank you.” He was teary too. “I love you n/n.” You smiled through some tears. It was an old nickname that you hadn’t heard for months.

He was remembering.

You were inseparable the next few weeks. Despite Peeta having a few episodes or panic attacks he was doing much better. You were always there to calm him.

You sat with him at Finnick and Annie’s wedding.

“You’re beautiful.” He told you. You smiled, Effie had picked out your dress and to your surprise it wasn’t over the top.

“Do you wanna dance?” You asked with a smile.

“I don’t know if I know how.” He replied.

“You do.” You smiled remembering the victors tour. “But I’ll teach you if you don’t remember.”

He picked it up quickly. Your hands around his neck, his on your waist. You swayed to the music, occasionally spinning or clapping.

He was yours again. Peeta was back. You smiled as he kissed your head.

[grxceful-ly]

Hello there! I hope you're doing good!

19, 21 and 29 for the Fanfic Writers Ask Game!

hii thank you so much for sending me an ask!! i hope you're doing really well yourself. you picked some good ones and this got kinda long, i'm sorry 🙇🏻‍♀️

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.

i'm going to take this opportunity to say that something in me does not allow me to fulfill all the multichapter, long fics of my dreams so i mostly share oneshots. i wish i could be like "this is from my [insert title here] au from chapter 14!!" or something. but alas. anyway, this is from my wip sequel to the sabezra secret relationship i wrote a while back. it's almost done, i'm excited to share the full thing soon!

Maybe the Ezra Bridger who wasn’t in a relationship with Sabine wouldn’t have said that. Maybe he would’ve been a little giddy—like, wow! Sabine is actually touching me! And isn’t completely averse to it! Maybe he should have said something like that. Or just. . .smiled? Or hugged her back? Sabine still wasn’t letting go. His heart ached a little. He let his arms come around her loosely, his gaze stuck to the floor. “So. . .” he started. But nothing else came out. 

21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?

yes and no. i don't think i've ever had to delete an entire scene--usually i will spend a lot of time writing a scene or two and i hate it a little more than usual so i end up losing motivation for the entire project. this happens often. i don't like it.

however, sometimes i'll write a line i really like but in my heart i know it won't work for the overall goal of the paragraph or scene, so i have to delete it :( i mourn for like three minutes and then move on lol.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

goodness, the amount of star wars time travel fix-it fics i've written in my mind. that's kind of where they stay. but occasionally i jot down a scene that has a chokehold on me until it goes away. i was going to share an anakin one, but for some reason i can't find my doc with that in it :') so you get this scene from my vostress wip where asajj goes back in time. this is kind of a cheat bc i don't know if it'll NEVER be posted, but as of now too little of it is written to share much more than these snippets. also there's very little interest in a fic like this versus my usual stuff lol.

Her eyes softened. “It is more important to reject that power and preserve those things. Understand me, Vos. Truly. There is no power that can take away the pain you feel. No power that is worth it for a fleeting sense of victory.” She realized she'd put a hand to his chest, naturally drawn closer as she tried not to plead with him. This was it. If he should ever listen to her, let it be now.

and for a bonus, here's an 'asajj takes omega to meet quinlan' snippet that was just for fun and will never again see the light of day lol!

“Your jedi?” Omega asked, eyes lighting up, glancing from one of them to the other. Vos flashed a lopsided smile at Ventress. “I love when she calls me that,” he said in that smooth, unserious but oh-so-truthful voice of his. Ventress's eyes slid to him, then went up to the sky in feigned annoyance as her hand fell to her side and she swiveled to walk away. “Come on.” Unfortunately, Vos and Omega were making quick friends. He was the type to do so; always had been, and it seemed she, too, was eager to befriend anyone she set her sights on. A horrifying pair.

[mustlovesteve]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you @stevehairingtit for the tag! <3

1. How many works do you have an AO3? 16

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 224,199

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Nowadays I only write for Stranger Things. In the past, I've written for VLD/VDOTU, Avengers Academy, and SPOP (only a one-shot).

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

laughing at the broken glass (Stranger Things, Steve/Eddie)

in the heart of the jungle (Avengers Academy mobile game, T'Challa/Tony Stark)

mean ballerina (Avengers Academy mobile game, T'Challa/Tony Stark)

it's only skin and therefore so breakable (Avengers Academy mobile game, T'Challa/Tony Stark)

searching for sparkles (Voltron: Legendary Defender, Allura/Lance)

I am...shocked that my T'Challa/Tony fics based on a college AU mobile game got that many kudos. It wasn't a particularly popular ship even within that tiny subset of the Marvel fandom. Maybe MCU fans stumbled across the fics and enjoyed them anyway?

5. Do you respond to comments?

Almost always, unless they're a single word/emoticon that I don't know how to respond to.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

All of my fics with angsty endings are one-shots--hum along till the feeling's gone forever (I kill Steve), but I knew that you were a truth (I kill Lance), and weakness (I kill Adora). I don't have the heart to end a long story in tragedy tbh (but respect to those who do!).

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably my Allurance series. LATBG ended happily but there were still some Issues (hence the sequel).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I think I've gotten two mean bookmarks but luckily no mean comments (though, I only allow comments from registered users).

9. Do you write smut?

Technically yes but I haven't uploaded that chapter yet (and I'm Very Nervous about it lol).

10. Do you write crossovers?

No. I have no interest tbh.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Ohhh that's tricky... 616! and Avengers (2012)!SteveTony will always have me in a chokehold. Even today, I'll listen to new music and immediately think of them. However, I've been searching for the Nana to my Hachi since I first read the NANA manga as a teen, and that influences my life in a major way. Also, VDOTU!Allurance has brought me the most unbridled joy.

Funnily enough, of my top 3 ships, I've only written fics for VDOTU!Allurance.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I wish I had finished my AvAc!T'Challa/Tony Stark series many years ago, but that time has long passed. I'm working on a Stranger Things S3 AU, but I keep getting discouraged and questioning the characterization, so I'm not sure if it will ever see the light of day on AO3, let alone get finished.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Conveying mood and tension (mood whiplash ahoy!). Imagery, especially in horrific scenes. Utilizing limited POV (misunderstandings my beloved). Balancing relationships (platonic and romantic!). Realistic conflict (I try to avoid villainizing a character unless they're actually that awful). Plotting (logistics my beloathed).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fluff and sustained sincerity (this probably says something about me as a person lmao). IC dialogue (not the message, but the specific phrasing/making it sound like the character, like yes he would fucking say that but probably not in those words, y'know?). Body language (when I'm writing, I usually have my body language document open, which gives me a good starting point, but I feel like I don't account for the specific character's mannerisms enough, so it becomes repetitive/paint-by-numbers).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I wouldn't unless my friend was fluent and wrote that part for me or it was a fictional language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

................Gravitation...........

20. Favorite fics you've written?

LATBG is definitely my favorite. After that, I guess it would be my T'Challa/Tony series or my Allura/Lance series.

Tagging: @shushmal, @theheadlessphilosopher, @sevenmerrymagpies, @soaringornithopter, @emryses, @danadaria

[dittobtch]

14, 44, 57 & 94 for the ask game? :D

heyyy thank you for asking!!

14. which color of the sky is your favorite?

pink from sunsets/sunrises. especially when there's also orange mixed in so it's like the lesbian flag

44. do you have any blorbos?

all the girls from the wilds lmao, but especially fatin and dot. i love projecting onto them relate to them in a lot of ways that hit pretty close to home

regina and janis across all versions of mean girls, but especially in the 2004 movie

emily from pitch perfect because bemily had me in a chokehold last year (and still does tbh)

(do real people count as blorbos? i honestly don't know but if they do then lucy dacus<3)

57. favorite movie?

i'm so bad at choosing favourites. maybe bottoms or saving face. loser sapphics have my entire heart <3

94. if you could have any superpower besides the typical choices (flight, shapeshifting, elemental powers, etc.), what would you pick?

i've said manipulate chance in the past, but i also think i'd enjoy the ability to manipulate time. would love to be able to slow down when i need extra time for things or speed up through moments i don't enjoy. this would probably end up doing more harm for me than good since i'd just fast forward through the bad parts of life that i'd need for character development, but it is what it is

[biblicallyaccuratefour]

Welcome to...

YURI'S SHITTY SHIPPING HOT TAKES!

Where I discuss my opinions on ships on fandoms I'm in and go on a whole ass tangent on them!

~•°☆°•~

Today's shitty shipping hot take I have on is in the hyperfix that has a chokehold on me right now:

POKÉMON!!!

Now, we're gonna go off strong, so fair warning for spoilers, age gaps and all that nasty stuff.

The ship I have opinions on is Ferriswheelshipping (Hilda x N) and Isshushipping (Hilbert x N), and boy, do I have opinions on them!

Now, to discuss the Copperajah in the room, there's one MAJOR problem I have with these two ships, that's right: there's a huge-ass age gap!

"What's the age gap," you ask? Well, only 6 years. What makes it worse is that N is canonically 20 (stated by one of the devs in an interview) and Hilda/Hilbert are 14.

Now, I get it if the protags are age ambiguous, but the problem I have here is that most, if not all of the pokémon protags are MINORS, ranging from young tween and late teens. (The Kalosian protags look like young adults and are age ambiguous, so their ages are up for interpratation.) This problem comes up whenever a pokémon protag is shipped with someone who's literally an adult (again, age ambiguous, but my point still stands.)

The shipping archetype, to my knowledge is a rival-to-friends-to-lovers trope. Now, Rivals-to-Lovers isn't a bad shipping trope, but it should only be OK when A) the characters are both consenting adults and B) if not, are the same age at least.

N, in this case is the 'rival' to Hilda/Hilbert, the protagonists. N is an interesting case: he was an orphan, raised by pokémon and taken in by Ghetsis (asparagus man) to be indoctrinated and conditioned to be Team Plasma's King, being taught that humans are bad and they abuse pokémon.

The protags and N first meet early on in the game, and they meet several times in-game and they battle (in true rival fashion.) However, when they reach Nimbasa City, N invites the protags to ride the ferris wheel with him. The dialogue differs depending on the protag's gender, but the moment they had was intimate (not the dirty kind, get your mind out of the gutter), despite N inviting them there as a diversion for the Team Plasma grunts to escape.

Throughout the story, their bond gets stronger as friends and rivals, and it comes to a climax at the final battle. Post-battle, N realises how much he fucked up and how Ghetsis manipulated and pratically abused him for his own gain. N basically apologises and leaves with Reshiram/Zekrom to 'atone' and we never see him again until BW2, but Hilda/Hilbert are just gone by then.

So, in canon, essentially, N had trauma dumped the kids. They only have a rivals-to-friends dynamic, and to the fans, they ate it up and went apeshit. (N is hot, so I could sense a bit of self-projecting with the shipping with the protags, but I could be wrong-)

I get it that N has had an unorthodox upbringing and is autism-coded, but it doesn't excuse the fact that N is a grown-ass man. The only solutions I got to make it less worse is to either age Hilda/Hilbert up to adults (and not the bullshit "they're 18 on paper, but is still the same in everything else", like actually age them up), or shipping a self-insert or OC with N (Yumeshipping is cool, and there's nothing wrong with shipping an OC with a canon character as long as it's not problematic.)

I can only see them as close friends, as N sees Hilbert/Hilda as a 'special friend', considering that they had helped him realise his mistakes and how much of a shitty person Ghetsis actually is. (N should actually go see a fucking therapist, smh)

So, to sum it up, please pay attention to the character's ages if they're mentioned in canon, I'd rather not have my blorbo/husbando having to deal with the 'allegations' (/nsrs).

I'mma rate this ship a 1/10.

~•°☆°•~

(Please don't harass me because I'm only stating my opinion on this. I have no beef with those who ship this, OK? Everyone has an opinion, just like how everyone has an asshole.)

Sources of the ages:

[beyourownanchor6]

20 Questions for fic Writers!

—thanks for the tags loves @monsterrae1 @spotsandsocks @wikiangela 🩵

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

—230

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

—1,349,088

3. What fandoms do you write for?

—mostly buddie, but some teen wolf here and there. used to write a lot for animal kingdom; i miss them 🥲

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

—nobody can do everything (this has over 2k kudos now??!! 🥹)

—if i lay here, would you lie with me (forget the world)

—five +1 (who allowed me to use this for the title 💀)

—i want to love you (but i don’t know how)

—someone to stay

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

—always! (even if it takes me a while 🙈) i appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and comment on my silly little stories. it genuinely means so much to me 🫶🏼

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

—ohh definitely come back home (version 2) i made myself cry with it 🥺

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

—hmm most my fics have happy endings, after all the angst 😅 but maybe: when i lose my grip, you pull me back (you're my universe) idk i just loved bringing that one full circle!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

—mm not really hate, more like unnecessary comments/feedback? idk it’s not very often thankfully

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

—yess! umm idk mostly soft and sweet or really emotional??

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

—not yet but i’ve had a buddie/chenford one in my wips for forever…maybe i’ll finish it one day…

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

—not that i know of?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

—no. someone asked once but they didn’t have an account so it never really went anywhere

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

—yesss 2...wait 3 with my wife @loserdiaz 🩵 (we need to do another one soon <3333)

—this is my idea of fun (playing video games)

—i don't want to keep secrets just to keep you

—no body, no crime

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

—hmmm there’s so many to chose from! i will say buddie has had me in a chokehold like no other

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

—mmm probably my smutty author!buck…idk maybe one day i won’t hate her

16. What are your writing strengths?

—hmm i tend to just think i’m terrible at everything lmao, but i always get comments that i’m really good at keeping them in character even with all the aus i write!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

—hmm probably overuse of punctuation or run on sentences ?? i feel like maybe i’m bad with description bc i have such a vivid imagination i forget to write that, but idk

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

—i’ve done it in the past but not in a long time. as long as it’s done tastefully i don’t mind

19. First fandom you wrote for?

—teen wolf (the chokehold that fandom has on me istg)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

—i always say coastlines which i’m sure y’all are tired of hearing 😅 but she’s my baby girl, the loml and i will never shut up about her

tagging: @loserdiaz @redlightsandicedtea @honestlydarkprincess @monsterrae1 @onward--upward @buddierights @barbiediaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @elvensorceress @ronordmann @witchesdiaz @spaceprincessem @giddyupbuck @disasterbuckdiaz @jacksadventuresinwriting @thewolvesof1998 @daffi-990 @arthursdent @wildlife4life @hippolotamus

[two-reflections]

Fanfic ask game #14!

14. Where do you get your inspiration?

Oof, that's hard. Either an idea grabs me in a chokehold and demands to be paid attention to NOW, or it seems interesting and then I take the time to spin it out. Shorter stories are usually born from the feeling of urgency, longer stories are usually, "Hey, what if..?"

I think a lot of those longer-term ideas come to mind while I'm reflecting on things I've been doing or reading, or talking to friends, including my spouse. A lot of my characters show up as natural extensions from conversations about worldbuilding, or just doing that on my own. For example,

Learn that Salamander have brander-priests -> What sociocultural role do these brander-priests fill? -> How does their existence reflect the environment (human and natural) of Nocturne? -> What does their existence tell us about religion on Nocturne and in the Chapter? -> What traits might individuals in the role share? -> How might they relate to the brothers they serve? -> What if a brander-priest and Salamander pair fell in love? -> Well, if I had this character and this character...

And that's how I end up with so many OCs that are reflections of my interest in an aspect of the setting. I think that's also why certain big-name canon-important characters like Primarchs don't do as much for me. That's not a point of pride, I'm honestly sad and a bit embarassed about that. I feel like I'm missing out.

For my shorter, usually smuttier stories: side characters do be interacting, and when they do that, I want to smash them together like dollies and see if something beautiful comes out. 🤩

Thank you so much for asking! I always hope for inspiration, but I haven't thought much about where it comes from before. Today I've learned yet another reason to fight the urge to hermit up. Thanks again! 😁

[kadensmusictheory]

explaining the names of my playlists because i care.

"the butterflies are exploding" = the butterflies i feel around the girl im hopelessly falling for are turning me inside out and i dont know how soft i can be, but i am not afraid of the gentleness. (softer love songs)

"precisely princely" = im a prince, that's it. im precisely a prince. (pop and pop rock)

"torture ending. chill bae" = went to the dentist, a calming playlist so i wouldnt freak out. (r&b songs or indie)

"man" = stereotypical athletic man music (rap or hip hop)

"in the back of a car, florida paths and high state" = i was sick and drugged up on every medicine i could be on prior to going onto a 14 hr straight car ride to florida. i needed to have soft music or i would have died. (laufey or inspired songs)

"car crash" = songs i added to a playlist when i saw the worst car crash imaginable and the car was flipped over (owner was fine) so i named it in remembrance of the car. (upbeat differing music)

"they call me hephaestus" = my leg was beyond fucked up and in so much pain when i discovered these songs that i was like "im so greek god core". (nxdia playlist)

"ballbus" = playlist for the bus on the way to my sports game. (uplifting music)

"burrerrrererrrrr" = chase atlanic playlist that i couldnt think of a name for. (chase atlantic or inspired)

"arachnid and deceased body of water" = spiderman and deadpool inspired playlist for my friend to get writing inspo with. (childish gambino, the weeknd, etc)

"anthroapology" = apologizing to the history of the world and it's culture. (any song mentioning love or hatred for the world as it has been or is being)

"wallow in sighs" = made in sheer disappointment. i was so disappointed in everyone that i made a playlist. (indigo de souza themed)

"renovated and renewed" = after a breakup i was told i could not change, i changed to be a badder bitch. (sex songs or breakup songs)

"HELP." = country songs that had me in a chokehold. (country)

"stranger crush" = made after having a massive crush on a boy i saw once at a roller rink. (love songs)

"build a bear shark" = the shark i got with a guy i was dating for two days but ended up shoving deep into my closet because he made me uncomfortable. (breakup songs)

"2 and 2" = there are four songs here. i dont know why. (catchy indie love songs)

"memories i dont have" = nostalgic sounding music of stories based on things i can imagine a little too well but have never experienced. (indie songs)

[hi-my-name-is-cosmopathy]

Take this because I have too many TTTE AUs created uuhh this one is called “Duskytracks”. It's just basically the TTTE characters merged with Creepypasta characters— Here are my ideas

TW: MENTIONS OF D34TH, $•1C1D3, MU®D3®, POSSESSIVE BEHAVIOR, EXTREME IDOLIZATION, FR33ZING, BEING FORGOTTEN, BODY HORROR

.

.

.

.

.

.

I didn't really choose people like Jeff The Killer, Eyeless Jack, Jane The Killer, Laughing Jack or yada yada because they honestly don't intrigue me anymore due to their flanderization and stories. The fandom butchered them so uhh yeah. So i picked the ones I liked and saw potential in. Well, anyways, here they are:

$•1c1d3mouse.avi was meant to be an anthropomorphic mascot to bring joy to children but after many loses in life and the feeling of being unwanted, he decides to commit unalive multiple times? Sorry Charlie the NWR 14, he's going to you.

Charlie was meant to be the funny, cheerful guy, but became universally hated due to how horribly written he was and ended up in the dump. I'd say he met Dash, Bash and Ferdinand who also ended up in the TTTE version of Wasteland but no one lives there for long as they will fade away from existent. Losing his new found friends and living in a cursed hell had him on chokehold. So uuhh yeah Charlie hehehhehe

Next one up: Sonic.exe. Mistaken to be a demonic entity possessing Sonic. His true name is X. He admires Sonic and idolizes him to the point that he wants to be him and have him all for himself. He kills all his friends and kills people who play his game and turns them into his slaves. Thomas would've been an obvious choice, but....

This one goes to James.

James is shown to be charismatic, boastful and impatient. He likes going quick and being deemed as important. In future 3D episodes of TTTE he's shown to like going extremely fast. And lastly? It seems like he idolizes Gordon, a big, blue, fast and strong engine. In this AU TTTE is an 8-Bit Game were Gordon is the main lead. James is quick to idolize him and kills all his friends to have him for himself. So yeah, Gordon.exe, a.k.a James.

Now lastly: Lost Silver. A young boy in the Pokemon universe who only wanted to become the best Pokemon trainer, met with a fatal death and became forgotten by everyone. In other stories, he was climbing up Mount Silver and slowly died due to the harsh climate. Sometimes Red is depicted to be a brother figure of his. Who did I think of when I saw this?

Douglas.

At some point in the future TTTE 3D episodes he gets stranded in the snow with no one to help him. In this AU, his name is Lost Snowflake. He felt that he was considered the less useful brother, the more annoying and unreliable one. That if he just threw himself over the docks, no one would noticed. So one day he decided to go shovel snow outside all by himself, heading up towards a mountain. A year later there's been an on-going investigation looking for Douglas McIntosh. Duck heads up a familiar mountain in the snow one day and never goes up again. No one knows why he didn't allow them to go up and only told Donald about what he saw.

Ok so that's it do whatever you want with this hahahaha

[loulucifer]

hi, it’s @/barzyboeser from hockeyblr

if you get this, answer with three random facts about yourself and send it to the last seven blogs in your notifs! anon or not, doesn’t matter, let’s get to know the person behind the blog <3

Oooh Fun Facts: 1. I only started doing photography a year ago! I had taken on digital media class in undergrad but I didn't know anything about photography when I started. That being said in a year I've gone from never having picked up a camera to working across multiple states and sports!

2. I have 14 tattoos, I plan on getting many more. I had had 2 planned out for years now, but haven't found the artists for them

3. My first hockey game was the Avs v. Canucks and it was the same game where Kuzy scored 2 goals in 2 minutes and it really cemented him as one of my favourite players. The canucks won that night and they've had me in a chokehold ever since.

[sunshinechildskywalker]

20 questions for fic writers

Hi, friends! I was tagged by the forever-incredible @ladyvader23- thanks for the tag, my friend!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

I have 12 works and counting!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

67,866 words (woah! More than I realized!)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I write primarily for Star Wars, but also write for Harry Potter, Hunger Games, and believe it or not, the Simpsons! Sideshow Bob sparked something in my bestie and I that kicked off a year of non-stop Google Doc sharing and squee comments on each other's works XD

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Grounded (578)

L & V One Shots & Ficlets (554)

Convalescence (278)

Tortured Soul (191)

Come With Me (159)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I sure do! I always try to respond with a least a "omg thank you!!!" or something of the like to show my appreciation. I wish I could go more in-depth for them all, and I do for the really long ones, but I end up not always having the time or energy to pay each comment the response it deserves. As always, thank you to everyone who has commented on my stuff!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's actually one I haven't posted yet (nor finished, and that's one I def want to be done before I post it). To give you context without too many spoilers, basically it's an alternate ending to ROTJ in which Vader doesn't die...but Luke does. I've been writing it on and off since my freshman year of high school and am excited about it, but damn, it's so hard to write because it makes me so sad!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Grounded! That was the first one I ever posted (during my first week of senior year of high school!) I feel like that one wrapped up nicely.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Once in a great while. Most of the hate comments I receive are digs on my characterization of Vader. One time I got a negative comment on a oneshot that I specified was part of a larger story I would recommend reading beforehand, and the commenter didn't understand why Vader was written the way he was, when in actuality, it had a lot to do with his development in the larger story. That one was a detailed hate comment and was hard to shake, but I'm learning how to let them roll off my back.

On a side note, this is partly why I don't ask for constructive criticism; I have OCD and fixate on even little comments people make that could possibly be construed as negative, real life included. I'm working on how to let them go and look at the facts before I run off with some wild tale about how someone hates me for sure. I'm growing and learning how to manage, but like I said in my AO3 A/Ns, OCD is a bitch ;)

9. Do you write smut?

Sure do XD It's pretty much all Skysolo (which you will see in an upcoming Skysolo story I'm almost done with *wink wink* ;))

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't before, but I'm entertaining the idea of some kind of Star Wars/Harry Potter type thing. To be completely honest, it's inspired by the Sims I made in Sims 4 lol XD. I had my HP Sims meet my Star Wars Sims and it was so funny to see how they all interacted. Luna immediately grabbed a book off of Leia's bookshelf, Anakin began cooking dinner, and Harry and Luke were talking privately in a separate room from the group- I like to imagine they were talking about how hard it is to be "the hero" and have the world literally depending on you. If I do end up writing this, I'll be sure to post XD *cue Spongebob's "when worlds collide" lol*

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, so hopefully that answer is no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but would be open to working with someone to translate!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Nothing I've posted, but I co-write Simpsons stuff with my real life bestie. Sideshow Bob has us in a chokehold XD

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I love Skysolo and always will, but I think Finnick and Annie from Hunger Games takes the cake for me. I could go on, but the way they've both been through similar trauma and care for one another gets me big time. And Finnick is one of my all-time favorite characters, so I'm a little bias XD

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Tbh, both of my Whumptobers lol. I bit off more than I could chew both years between that and school, work, life. Hopefully I'll plan a little better this year and will be able to finish!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I write hurt/comfort well, and it sounds weird, but I write crying pretty well too lol. I think I'm getting better at imagery and sentence structure too.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with writing action, and I tend to write run-on sentences. I'm hoping to work on this for future fics!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I haven't done this personally, but I have a lot of respect for others who do. I think it's wild people can speak a whole other language period, but using that language in all its differences stylistically to tell a story? Absolutley amazing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Hunger Games! I wrote Finnick becoming like a big brother for Prim after the war (flash back to me furiously typing out hurt/comfort scenes on my ipod notes in middle school LOL XD)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I have a special place in my heart for Convalescence; I live for that kind of hurt/comfort and angst, and I'm excited to finish it.

Thanks for reading if you did! I'll tag @spell-cleaver and @starr234, but don't feel obligated if this doesn't interest you!

May the Force be with you, friends!!!

[chronicowboy]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by my love @shitouttabuck thank you soooo much i'm so bored catching up on lectures

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

66 for buddie but 79 overall

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

609,231 HA WHAT

3. what fandoms do you write for?

used to write for tfatws and aos but now it's 911 or nothin

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

let's build this house (into a home, baby) did not know this was my top so glad it is tho my absolute baby beloved

please? (can't say no) okay fair i do love this one surprised it's number 2 tho

memory (all alone in the moonlight) okayyyyy

not all of us are heroes (not all of us are brave) my titles are so shit i had to check to remember which one this was but yeah kinda slay

accidents happen (but i will love you on purpose) so glad this stupid silly turned heavy romantic little fic made it into top 5

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

on my bigger fics i always always do my best to reply to every comment just because of how much effort i poured into it and i want my wonderful beautiful commenters to know how grateful i am for the comments, i try to on my smaller fics but the reality of the matter is my brain is unimaginative when it comes to thank yous and i'm terrible at keeping up with shit like that but just know i read all of them and appreciate them sooooo goddamn much !!!!!!!!!!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i am probably incapable of angsty endings even when i write incredibly angsty fics so uh it'd probably some of my cross-posted little lightning era ficlets like i couldn't say no which is very chris-centred

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

literally like 99% of them are sappily happy because i'm disgusting and fragile when it comes to these men but it'd probably be the gross, gooey ending of the safe haven baby fic

8. do you get hate on fics?

no?????? idk if i'm just very lucky or have blocked it out but i don't think so

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i do but like. in the loosest possible sense. i try to keep it as vague and non-explicit as possible unless it's crucial to the story bc i am pretty sure i'm a little lesbian and dicks freak me out!!!

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i mean. i guess technically the parks and rec au could be considered a crossover of some sorts what with lil sebastian but apart from that.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

don't think so?

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of but i have had a podfic made which is awesome!!!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no god i feel like that would stress me out way too much. like i'd love to write with some of you beautiful minds on here but i am very poor at deadlines and group projects either make me incredibly stressy and lazy or control freaky and i wouldn't want to inflict that upon anyone

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

fuck. i mean. that's just. i feel like with 66 works and like 300k words you'd expect it to be buddie and i love them deeply but at the heart of me i am a merthur girlie through and through. they were the og. they were my whole world. they still are. nothing like two tragic little gay men so devoted to each other that it makes them severely fucked up!!!!!

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh my god. fuck. huh. there are like five aus that i am so desperate to write and have kinda-sorta planned but to call them wips would be very generous. there's the queer bar au which i WILL write one day, then the game night au, the nice guys au oh my god i love her deeply, the new girl au of course bc nickeddie has me in a chokehold despite not writing a word of him and then the merthurbuddie au i actually will never write bc i know it'd be 300k words long and take up the entirety of my life for like a solid year.

16. what are your writing strengths?

uh dialogue? i've always been told my writing's very cinematic and i'm experimenting more with scripts (play mostly but a little bit of tv and film) in my creative writing course.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

oh god. description. i feel like there's never enough between my dialogue idk. and my description is always so like. functional. i got scared of purple prose in high school and overcorrected somewhere along the way lollllll

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i love it, i try to avoid it because i always overestimate what i'll be able to remember from 5 years of spanish courses and then end up thoroughly humbling myself, would love to do it more but yeah apparently my brain just doesn't cooperate with other languages which suckssss

19. first fandom you wrote for?

okay well. it was marvel. and it was sambucky i think. either that or some irondad on this blog. but we're going to ignore that!!!!!! it was a dark time!

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

oooh boy oh man. um. want to say no rizz kink fic bc i had so much fun writing it but i know it's one of my aus. i just can't decide between neighbours, parks and rec, national treasure or gilmore girls. whoops

tagging: uh feel like i'm very late to the party so ignore if you've already been tagged lol @butchdiaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @folk-fae @piningeddiediaz if u guys want <3

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

13, 14, 15, 16, 17, and 20. (enchantedchocolatebars)

hi!! i know its taken me a bit to answer this but here we go!!

(Here is the original ask game for those who want to see it or reblog it themselves. It is super fun!)

I have also already answered these questions as follows: 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, 16, 19, 20

To those questions that are duplicates, I'll substitute with unanswered ones so I can still get through the questions I haven't yet!

13.) Which season do you like best?

That's a tough question!! In hindsight I really enjoy S1 for the nostalgia factor just because of how much it meant to me and helped traverse me into the rabbit hole of this entire fandom- I will admit that it's not as plot driven as S2. However while I do think S2 is better than S1 in that aspect... I'm going to have to say S3 for right now. I know it's short, and my favorite season changes a lot but I think just how everything ended... It's not bad, it's got lumity, and it's super plot driven.

I do admit though Kings Tide and Clouds on The Horizon though!! If they were in S3 it'd easily tip S3 over into being by far the best but also I just forget about the chokehold Enchanting Grom Fright had too!!! S3 for now.

14.) Do you like aus? Any aus by someone else that are a favorite of yours? Do you have any of your own?

I love aus!! They're so fun to both write and read. I always find them interesting to see how others portray the characters and in what roles they play. Of course I almost always lean toward reading Lumity-centered fics because I love seeing those two fall in love.

It's giving "I will love you in every timeline" energy, and as someone whos favorite trope is reincarnated soulmates/lovers it checks out.

In terms to some of my favorite aus? I have a few I'll link below, but I have a few of my own that I've came up with (more so specifically my vampire one that was created out of sort of spite for not seeing something I wanted to see- I'll give a brief thing but in 2020 it was uncommon to find vampire toh fics where Amity was the vampire and not Luz. Me being me wanted to see if I could turn that idea into something and well.. Here I am.

When I get more aus done, I'll come back with more for that but here are some of my favorites and I highly recommend and LOVE to hear or have talks about them (no one ever talks about them with me and grrr!!! I love talking abt lumity fanfiction)

1.) learning how to be (with you by my side)- uniqueusernamegenerator [A COLLEGE LUMITY AU THAT I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS FIC. READ THIS PLEASE ARGHHH!!!!! I AM BLASTING THIS AUTHOR WITH SO MUCH LOVE BECAUSE I LOVE THIS ONE SM.]

2.) I'll Catch You - Black_Cat_Autumn - [A soulmark band au where Luz and Amity have matching words but neither know apart from the fact that Luz wrote a song about hers in hopes to find her soulmate. Beautifully written!! I absolutely loved this when I read it, I cannot give it enough praise for having such a sweet ending. I literally devoured this fic in a day or so because I was so hooked. So invested. The ending!! I have the last little quote screenshotted in my phone somewhere because I love it sm!! This au was awesome.]

3.) all I've got is my heart (and pride) [Mechanic Luz, that also has an EXTREMELY amazing description of autisim and ADHD. I love the analogy that the author has about the bees. Everything about this fic was amazing and I guarentee that you will not be able to put it down once you start it. Everyone I show this fic to always tells me they literally stay up reading it. Everything about it, I love. INCLUDING the implication of NONBINARY LUZ!!!! My heart, this fic is awesome and not to be overlooked even if the summary isn't the best at capturing its contents <3]

15.) Favorite antagonist? Why?

AMITY!!! For many reasons but her character development shows a lot throughout the changes she goes through. Also Lilith for the same reason, but I wish we had more time to properly explore that growth because I love Lilith, but dear titan that arc was rushed.

Amity because while it MAY be an easy answer, her entire character changes, but not in the way that fits Luz but in a way that grows with her. Luz sees Amity for who she is and throughout her development we see her changing into finding her own voice and finding/being who she wants to be.

16.) Common theory that you disagree with?

I have already answered this question here.

I will substitute this question with 18 I won't answer them out of order lengthwise because it'll annoy me.

17.) Character you want to like, but don't? Why?

This is going to be such a hot take but Hunter. I get the love people have for him, but I just feel like the fandom glamorizes him in spaces that make it almost feel toxic in a way. I get the whole character arc of wanting to love and appreciate his development but some people in this fandom (NOT ON HERE!!) that I've came into contact within passing have just taken liking him way too far. I don't see people appreciating Gus enough or Vee. Instead, its Hunter- Which IS TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE, and everyone is allowed to have opinions, I just feel like some people take it too far. Thankfully everyone here is pretty chill and like Hunter isn't down my throat as hard. Plus his fanart is really cool too.

I'm indifferent to him more so now but hes just not my FAVORITE character but I do see his appeal. I'm just not diehard kin. Hunter kins scare me too, like are yall okay over there?? Get some sleep with those eyebags.

Like hes cool!! I just don't love him enough to be obsessed over him, but complete props to those who are, and I appreciate all the talent yall give for creating art about him. I know that even if hes not my favorite, he doesn't have to be because there are people who understand and relate and love him and that's a good thing. He deserves to be loved, I hope that makes sense??? I promise I'm not trying to bash him.

18.) Character you used to dislike, and now like? What changed your mind?

Lilith??? I just think her growth (even if small in comparison to Hunter's and Amitys) through the time we saw her helped to shift the story in a more interesting light (pun intended). I think while yeah, I did really REALLY hate her in the beginning because she was a complete bitch-- We really grew to see her in a different way and how she overall turned the tide of things. I really wonder things about the curse still though.

Also cannon aroace character?? HELLO??? SO SLAY. I love that representation.

20.) Which character do you relate to most?

I have already answered that question here.

Thank you for the ask again. I know it was a bit lengthy but yeah!!

[blondrichclosetwitch]

Real families stick together and see through the mirage

Seems it could be simple if I could just grow up

Angel wings are broken, you have not truly spoken to the ones whose pointed guns have set the sun

I could never hold you in my hands

“Switch on the TV, we may pick him up on Channel 2.”

In dark trees (“is there anything you want to say about in dark trees?” “I see you”)

Beat communication, beat connection

Refuse confusion, diffuse illusion

I know I've never lived before and my heart is very sure no one else could love you more (:38/:23)

When we’re writing all together, I’m a different kind of girl

From stage to stage we flew a drink in every hand, driveway to driveway drunk

And the names were all we knew

“What’s wrong with me?”

It’s a war scene chaos and all that ghosts and shades I can’t get it out of my mind actually

New Orleans….very strange

It’s a grotesque caricature

They call it tv talk

The real gun is in performing (autocorrect)

Let the public decide. 

Welcome back to the fold, the human family embraces you

it’s cycles of nonproductiveness and intense periods of creativity

If you keep saying the same thing over and over it’s bound to get boring

“there’s no plot no story and that’s where it ends. There were four that made it, me and three others. the film took over and went in its own direction and became something a little different.”

“I hear it was really horrible.”

Money does beat soul every time

Not only that it’s a form of communication

“There will probably be a big trial I might even buy a suit to make a good impression of the judge and the jury. Maybe I’ll keep a diary of the whole thing and publish it in Esquire.”

I’ve noticed when people are joking they’re dead serious and when they’re dead serious, they’re actually pretty funny

“The government heard.”

I mean, what kind of kid were you when you were a kid?

What kind of woman would do what you did?

I cursed the gloom that set upon us, but I know that I love you so

It isn't hard to feel me glowing

Young girl side of the road baby

She sings a song and I listen to what it says

It brought peace to my mind in the summertime...

I love her I mean it’s oh so serious as serious as can be 

The number 8 like pretty Kate has sex ornate, now devastate, fabricate, guilt debate, the youth irate.

I woke the same as any other day except a voice was in my head. It said, "Seize the day. Pull the trigger, drop the blade and watch the rolling heads"

Heavenly arms come to my rescue

Every finger in the room is pointing at me

My heart is sick of being in chains

Got enough girls to start my own religion (autocorrect from guilt)

I’m stiff in my tracks, trying to recover from whatever drug you used to put me under.

 that murderer had his chokehold on me 

Now I need you more than ever 

Loneliness will blind you in between the wrong, and the right

You got your demons you got desires well, I got a few of my own

 can’t tell the real from reflection

No Steel reproaches on the table from before

For rumors in the wake of such a lonely crowd, trading in my shelter for danger

“I’m changing my name. “

You just got caught in a game.

She’ll Network till her dreams come true, even if it means getting into bed with you 

I’m not passing judgment on her sexual life; I’m passing judgment on the way she always stuck her knife in my back ever since we were starting out.

When there was no ear to hear you sang to me

In the book of loves own dreams, where all the print is blood, where all the pages are my days, and all my lights grow old

“Well, Janey’s got a cop who lives around the block and checks on her every night. The skin turned pale as the siren (s)he’d wail outside when (s)he knew I was inside.”

You girls mean business, and I do too.

“I’ve seen the storyline, played out so many times before.” (:9/:14)

I can change

It’s just sex and violence, Melody, and silence

 One is on ones knees

Looses one head

Except maybe a… Delicious demon

Then one is no longer.

Both of them side-by-side, so determined

After you trip life opens up, You start doing what you want to do

But you know more than you thought you knew

And you're looking at the world With brand new eyes, And no one can ever spoil the view

You’ve got to open up your mind and let everything come through

nobody deserves to die but you were awful adamant*

(07/:51)

Love's the key to the things that you see

But you don't mind moving

From you, I get the story

I trip, we box up crazy bitches aiming guns in all my baby pictures

Beef with housing police, release scriptures that's maybe Hitler's

My strength, my son, the star, will be my resurrection