#this gag will probably only work on desktop and i think most people are on mobile but... you get the idea

[starflungwaddledee]

Would you perhaps be willing to share your oc lore in exchange for a cookie? 🍪

(part 2 >>)

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

calculated iii, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: You wanted to say that you were able to control yourself around him and not to have wild sex at school. But this is Jeon Jungkook we’re talking about. And what Jungkook wants, Jungkook gets. You wore that pencil skirt for a reason, after all.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; intense smut (fem reader, semi-public sex, dirty talk, nipple play, choking, m-receiving oral, gagging, pussy spanking, fingering, penetrative sex); fluff; non-idol!AU - university!AU; dom!Jungkook x sub!noona!reader, ft Jimin once again, lol

–

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv

-

Career Week was somewhat of a nightmare.

So much running around, prepping tables, setting up presentations, helping the guests with their computers before their seminars, and you had to be dressed professionally too. Not just ‘nice’ clothes, but white dress shirt, slim black tie, tailored black vest, and matching fitted black slacks. It had to be monotone, it had to be hyper professional, and you had to wear heels.

Why had you agreed to this again?

Oh, yes, Kim Namjoon on his knees begging for help because he was overworked and they needed volunteers. And you, being far too responsible, accepted.

Not only were you also overworked, but Jeon Jungkook was staring at you across the auditorium.

In all-black – leather jacket, high-necked shirt, slim-fit jeans. Sharp jawline, tanned high cheekbones, piercing dark brown eyes, his black hair pushed back with a few strands on his forehead, revealing his clean undercut.

And he was smirking at you.

You highly doubted he was here to investigate prospective career paths. Actually, you were a hundred-and-ten percent positive that that was not the reason he was here and the soreness between your inner thighs proved it. You were willing to bet Park Jimin’s right nutsack.

Yeah, sorry Jimin, but you needed all your body parts.

For one reason, really, and that reason was staring you right now.

Who was going to hire him when he was dressed like that anyway? You certainly wouldn’t. Mostly because it was distracting. No one could work with Jeon Jungkook looking like that. You couldn’t, anyway. Well, maybe if his work was wrecking your–

Get back to your damn task, you scolded yourself.

You were setting up chairs for the cardiologist that was arriving soon. All the doctors always had tons of students listening, so the administration instructed you to pack as many seats that could be crammed into the space without causing a fire hazard. You unfolded the metal chairs, arranging them neatly, already knowing they would be an incomprehensible mess when the students left and that you would be the one cleaning up after them.

Sigh.

Come to think of it, it was all Park Jimin’s fault that you were being violently undressed by Jungkook’s eyes right now. If he had kept his trap shut and let you live in blissful ignorance, maybe you wouldn’t be trying to hide your wincing every time you bent over. You snuck a glance at Jungkook.

He cocked an eyebrow, highly amused.

Never mind, you probably still would have been accosted at Calculus I office hours, except instead of the door being closed and locked and having Jimin’s warning texts, you two probably would have been caught and expelled.

You grumbled and slid a chair into place, taking back your former thoughts and thanking Jimin in your mind. He wasn’t even here to witness your inner struggle.

Jimin probably would have found it funny.

You went back to your chairs, not addressing Jeon Jungkook’s presence anymore because if you looked at him again, you probably would have abandoned your post. And he knew it.

-

The next day, you already knew Jungkook would show up again. Mostly because he texted you a winking face of a semicolon and parenthesis, to which you didn’t respond, because you would probably get roped into phone sex in under twenty seconds, and you had to help this extremely riveting lawyer set up his laptop for the projector.

As in, you were ready to tape his mouth shut as he blabbed on and on about his work and how important it was to society, which it was, because defense attorneys were very important, but this guy’s laptop was a fucking hot mess of icons all over his desktop. This was a personal pet peeve of yours, as you liked to be neat and organized, with everything clearly labeled with dates. You didn’t care about most people’s personal habits, but it was annoying when you were trying to assist and the owner of said laptop was not shutting up and demanding noises of affirmation that you were listening.

If it wasn’t Jungkook demanding you to swallow his cock, you honestly couldn’t give a single shit–

You finally got his PowerPoint working and had him scroll through the slides to make sure it was the correct one. He thanked you and you realized the older man was looking at you up and down, the same way Jungkook usually did, except in this case you were not even remotely interested.

Guess everyone had the right to get a good look before they die.

You were wearing a white chiffon blouse with a black silk neck scarf, with a tight knee-length black pencil skirt, sheer tights and sleek black heels. You knew how good your ass looked in this skirt and you had worn it for a specific purpose.

“We will be letting the students in five minutes early to get settled,” you stated briskly, cutting the older man from his daydreams. “You will have forty-five minutes for your presentation, and then we’ll have a fifteen-minute question session, led by my associate, Kim Namjoon here.”

As if on cue, Namjoon appeared, cheerful smile with cute dimples, handing the lawyer a mic.

“Let’s test the microphone and the backup to make sure you don’t have any hiccups,” Namjoon instructed merrily, instantly captivating the man’s attention and diverting it from you.

You mouthed a ‘thank you’ behind the man’s back and Namjoon gave you the tiniest of nods as you excused yourself. Hmph. You knew people would notice – you were wearing makeup for once and would be around students and professionals all day, after all – but to be so shameless and gawk like that was annoying. Plus, the guy probably had a wife and kids.

You made your way to the bathroom to check your appearance. Maybe your makeup was a bit off or something. You had Jimin check you over this morning. Surprisingly, he knew a lot about cosmetics and how to look good in all lighting. Must be a dance major thing.

Ah, the door to the women’s bathroom. You hiked your skirt up a bit do you could use your damn knees to walk, because they had been suffocating for the past two hours–

Long fingers suddenly gripped your upper arm and yanked you around the corner, slamming you into a muscular body and black biker jacket. You nearly stumbled in your heels, but a second hand came to practically lift you off the floor and shove you into the wall.

“Good afternoon, noona.”

A clear, silvery voice.

You couldn’t possibly guess who it was.

“Why, fancy seeing you here, Jung–”

You were abruptly cut off by his lips crashing into yours, one hand grabbing the back of your head and disturbing your perfect bun. You whimpered, feeling him shove you into the wall again, your shoulder blades hitting the painted brick. His tongue slid into your mouth, exhaling into your throat and forcing you swallow his breath. Your hands clutched your skirt, moaning as his hard body pressed yours against the wall.

Jungkook drew back, panting a little. Looking so handsome with his slightly slicked-back hair, black strands around his right eye, chiseled jawline, silver hoops glinting in the hall light. He arched a sculpted eyebrow at you, smirking. His pink lips had a little red on them from kissing you.

“Now, you know you can’t be looking so delicious and not expect me to want to eat you up,” he purred, licking your lips. Your breathing hitched at the touch, unlocking your death grip on your skirt.

“What are you talking about?” you answered evenly despite your panties literally turning into Niagara Falls with the way he was looking at you like a carnivore at an all-meat buffet. “I have to dress like this for Career Week. Everyone has to dress professionally.”

Jungkook nodded, not believing a single word coming out of your mouth. His right hand came up, ink black tattoos against tan skin, and reached around to your bun, slowly pulling the hairpins out. Your skin tingled at the sensation of your hair gradually unravelling.

“A professional that I would hire to sit on my dick,” he mused.

You raised an eyebrow at him, your hair tumbling around your shoulders. “Subtle.”

Jungkook showed you the removed hairpins, opened his jacket, and tucked them in his inner pocket.

“I wouldn’t work for you anyway,” you added haughtily.

With each passing moment, Jungkook was becoming increasingly amused and aroused. You could tell by the way he was shoving his crotch into your thigh and by how wide his smirk was getting. The slacks he was wearing did nothing to hide his erection and you had a sneaking suspicion that he didn’t care.

“Oh? Why not?”

“I don’t know if I could trust someone younger than me to do a good job.”

He was unbuttoning your chiffon blouse now, humming. “I’m good at many things.” His dark eyes flickered to yours. “I think you would know.”

Your hands grabbed his despite him already having all the visible buttons completely open. Cold air drifted onto your heaving chest and white lace bra.

“Jungkook, we’re in a public place, again,” you hissed, narrowing your eyes at him.

“I don’t recall that being a problem,” he drawled, removing his hands from yours and squeezing your ass. “I’m beginning to think you like it.”

You sucked in a breath as his strong hands kneaded you through your skirt. Your hormones would absolutely let Jungkook rip off your clothes right here and let him fuck you, but the sliver of your brain that had any sense at all reminded you that you had to find a closed space. Jungkook slapped your ass, loudly, the sound echoing across the empty hallway. You nearly moaned, but bit your tongue, glaring at him.

“I have to get back,” you snapped. “And look presentable.”

Jungkook licked his teeth. “Hm. You have an hour before you have to appear to the public eye.”

Who the heck told him that? He smirked slyly at you as he saw your reaction.

“I could drag you to the bathroom–”

“At least give me more class than the woman’s bathroom,” you interrupted.

Jungkook looked annoyed that you had cut him off and also looked like he was going to remind you later. His fingers dug into your hips sharply and you gasped, back pressed flat against the wall. He inhaled a deep breath and began again, voice dangerously low.

“As I was saying,” he continued. “I’m going to take you into this classroom that I stole the key for.”

You frowned as Jungkook hoisted you up swiftly, princess-style, shirt still wide open. Fuck, what was he so strong for? He carried you down the hallway to the classrooms. You tried to close your shirt, but he growled at you, so you rolled your eyes and pushed the sides open, letting your bra-covered tits hang out. He seemed satisfied about this.

“Why would you steal a key?” you muttered as he deftly kicked the door open.

Jungkook slid through the door sideways. “So I could fuck you, of course.”

He dropped you and you had to catch yourself on your heels before you broke an ankle and ate shit. Half the lights turned on. You could hear him locking the door as you smoothed your skirt.

You turned to face him, saying, “You shouldn’t be a thief just because you’re horny, Jungkook.”

Jungkook turned around slowly from the now locked door. You were about to say something else, but your words died in your throat as you witnessed the overwhelming lust in his dark piercing eyes.

“I would be a thief, a murderer, and evade taxes for your body,” he snarled, advancing on you.

You pulled your blouse out of your skirt so he wouldn’t rip it, backing up into the desks. “You’ll get caught with the last one,” you said quietly, already removing your blouse and letting it fall onto a spare seat. “First two are acceptable.”

Jungkook grinned devilishly, licking his pink lips.

“Come here.”

You chewed on your lower lip, staring at his beautiful eyes, finding yourself already walking to him, heels clicking loudly in the empty room, but it didn’t matter, because he was the master now and you were the willing servant. Or slave. 

Take your pick.

He smirked at your obedience, placing his hands on your shoulders, stopping you. His dark orbs lingered down your body, focusing on all his favorite spots, pressing his fingertips into your skin.

“One day,” you said quietly. “We’re going to get in trouble.”

Jungkook’s powerful dark orbs shifted upwards, capturing yours. Time slowed down. You stared into his dark brown eyes, unable to look away, your heart beating in time with his words.

“You’re already in trouble.”

Voice haunting you, teasing smirk on his lips, and perfectly in command.

“From the second you let me have my hands on you.”

You gasped as his nails dug into your skin, scratching down your collarbones, leaving red marks. He snapped the straps of your bra, hard, and you whined, eyes pleading for him to take it off. His palms pressed into the lace cups, squeezing them roughly. Tongue dancing in between his lips as he felt your nipples harden, barely covered by the lace.

“You’re so dirty, noona,” he purred, lowering his palms and pinching your nipples through the thin fabric, smirking at your wanton moan. “Wearing such slutty underwear under these professional clothes.”

You whimpered as he tugged on them. “No one’s going to see them but you, Jungkook.”

He clamped your nipples between his thumbs and knuckles, dragging you to him. You sank your teeth into your lower lip, pussy throbbing as you collided with his firm chest. His breath was scorching hot against your skin, making you shiver.

“What if someone finds out? Some idiot like a perverted old man staring at your ass in this skirt?”

You snorted. “I’ll rip his head off.”

Jungkook snickered, flicking your nipples with your answer. “You wouldn’t let me do it for you?”

Your hips rolled into his, hands on his waist to keep yourself up as he played with you. “I’ll reattach it for you so you can do the same.”

He laughed, almost a little too jovially for the part he was playing, but then he was back, tipping his head close to yours, blowing soft air onto your lips. You frowned, glaring at him for the lack of kiss.

“If possible, you’re even hotter dressed like this,” Jungkook murmured, his forehead against yours. “So prim and proper, even with a cute gag tied around your neck,” he added, playing with the ends of your neck scarf. “You could be a CEO, and I could be the janitor fucking you on your penthouse-floor desk.” He was undoing your scarf now, teasing it apart, making you breathless. “Maybe fuck you against the window so everyone can see how good I make you feel, noona.”

“Give yourself a little more credit than a janitor,” you muttered, stiffening as Jungkook ran his fingertips over your throat, nails grazing your skin.

“True, I would rather be your secretary so I can follow you around and stare at your ass in this skirt,” he chuckled, lacing his fingers around your neck. Thumb under your ear, the other four fingers under your other ear. You made eye contact with him. He looked almost bored, one of his eyebrows raised, but he was watching you, predatory and attentive.

“I know what I’m doing.”

His whisper was so soft that you barely heard it, but the words were there.

His grip tightened around your throat.

You gasped, feeling the blood flow thinning, hazing your mind. Jungkook watched your expression, reaching around with the hand that was holding your scarf, unclasping your lace bra. You could feel it fall down your arms, but your thoughts were rapidly being clouded by lightheadedness and lust, Jungkook smirking at you as he lifted the silk scarf into your vision.

“J… Jungkook…” you choked out.

The mole underneath his lower lip winked at you as he grinned, brushing the silk against your hard, abused nipples, touch so light, and yet it made your whine, wanting more stimulation but unable to ask because you knew he was toying with you.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook taunted. “Not intense enough for my naughty noona?”

He choked you harder and you couldn’t respond, eyes rolling back into your head as black spots danced in your vision, the sensation intensifying but still not enough, not enough, and you shoved your hips into his repeatedly, whimpering, hands clutching his black shirt, nails digging into his abs.

“So needy for me,” he breathed, feathery touches of silk against your nipples. “Are you only mine?”

He leaned forward, loosening his grip a little. The blood violently rushed back into your head and all you could hear Jungkook’s cruel whisper of your name, tearing a moan from your lips, a raspy yes, yes, fuck, Jungkook, I’m only yours.

He chuckled darkly.

Then he forced you to your knees, tits bouncing uncomfortably as you slid on your heels, knees hitting the tile floor. You clutched his clothed legs, panting, brain only half-functioning due to the lack of blood and the relentless teasing. You lifted your head back up to look at him, panting hard.

Jungkook cracked his neck sharply, a harsh pop. “I want to believe you, noona, but you’re dressed so fucking sexy that I can’t.” His dark eyes bore into you, tearing you up, and you were dripping onto your inner thighs. He emphasized his words with a raise of his eyebrow.

“Letting other people fantasize about this body that belongs to me isn’t acceptable.”

His hands reached down, fingers of his right hand playing with the button of his pants, tattoos dancing with his movement. He smirked as you watched him, eyes darting from his face to his hands. Shit, you were nearly drooling with anticipation. You swallowed as he teased the button free.

“You gonna show me that you remember who you belong to?”

You nodded quickly, maybe too quickly, but it was doomed now anyway because Jungkook was lowering the zipper, pushing down his pants and underwear, past his muscular thighs. It was obvious this was getting him off as much as it was getting you off, because he was rock-hard, leaking, tip already a dark red. Jungkook grabbed the back of your head and shoved his hips into your cheek, smearing his pre-cum onto your skin, all the way up to your cheekbone. He hissed, using his hand to press the head against your temple, nearly into your hair.

Fuck, he was so fucking close to your mouth, but he wasn’t letting you have it.

Damnnit.

Your tongue snaked out and softly licked his balls, eyes on his face, watching him tip his head back and moan. You licked more, creeping your head closer, pressing your lips against his hot skin. He was letting you do it, holding his cock out of the way as you wrapped your lips around his balls and sucked, pushing them around with your tongue, pleading noises in your throat, begging him for his cock as you bobbed your head up and down under his hips.

Jungkook’s dark eyes shifted down to you, triumphant grin on his lips.

“You want to swallow my cock, noona?” he teased, smacking it against your face, leaving a string of pre-cum connecting your cheek to his cock. You narrowed your eyes at him, as if to say, no fucking shit, you punk ass bitch, and he chuckled deep in his chest. He looked past your head, down your back.

“Such a nice ass.”

You smacked his leg, aware that he was doing it on purpose to piss you off. He smirked knowingly, placing his palm on your forehead and pushing you off his balls.

“Swallow it all and don’t choke,” Jungkook snarled, shoving his cock into your open mouth.

Your eyes widened at the sudden intrusion, relaxing your throat muscles as Jungkook forcefully pushed into your lips, sighing with satisfaction as he buried himself to the hilt, his strong fingers tangled in your hair.

“Fuck, so good,” he moaned, making his cock throb into the roof of your mouth. You whined, hands on his hips, waiting for him to let you move. “Your throat feels so fucking good, noona. If only they knew how good you are, how perfectly slutty you are for me.” He snickered, releasing his hand, glaring down into your eyes.

“But they’re never going to know, because you’ll never service another cock ever again.”

You whimpered, nails digging into his thighs.

He ticked his chin at you. “Go on, noona. Show me how much you love my cock.”

You began to move, pressing your tongue against the bottom as you slid up and down his length, moaning at his taste. So good. You generated more saliva and ran it all over the head, sucking hard. He inhaled sharply as you teased the sensitive underside, tongue against the opening.

“That’s it,” Jungkook breathed. “Give it to me like you mean it.”

You gripped his thighs and began to bob your head back and forth, ramming the head into the back of your throat and squeezing it before arching your neck so it ran across the roof of your mouth and then back down so it hit your throat again. Was this going to make you hoarse? Probably, but you didn’t a single shit, because Jungkook moaning for you and telling you how good you were was much more important. The pace was slow at first, but you went faster and faster, tighter, your breasts bouncing with every movement, eyes closed to savor his taste and steel your concentration of not gagging because Jungkook was so big, so thick, so perfectly rough, and your tongue could feel him throbbing inside your mouth.

“Fuck,” he growled above you, nearly feral with desire. “Fuck, I’m going to cum down that perfect throat of yours, noona.”

His thighs tensed under your hands and you knew he was close. You increased the intensity, neck straining, already aching with how fast you were going.

“Drink it all and don’t fucking waste it.”

Jungkook grabbed you by your hair and thrusted his hips into your face, moaning lustfully as he shot into your mouth, hot creamy strings into your throat. You swallowed fast to avoid choking, gulping loudly as he gave you more, more, fuck it was so delicious that you gasped, swirling your tongue around his jerking cock and lapping it all up. Whimpering, you wrapped your lips around the head and milked it dry, rubbing your lips against the skin where the head and length connected.

“You’re so fucking good,” Jungkook sighed, running his fingers through your hair, pulling it away from your face. “So messy and dirty. I love it, noona.” He pressed your mouth down his entire length and held you there.

Your name drifted out of his lips, a sweet exhale.

He kept you there. You felt some of your spit drip down your chin and hit your breasts. You flinched at the coldness, still holding onto his hips. Jungkook finally looked down at you, chest heaving, panting. He looked like he wanted to say something. You shot him a questioning look, unable to respond, mouth still full of his cock.

He released your head, untangling his fingers from your hair. You drew your mouth back, rubbing your jaw and throat a little. Jungkook had a strange expression, lips parted, brows furrowed, the muscles in his neck tensed. He seemed a bit spaced out. You tilted your head.

Something felt off.

You stood up with as much grace as you could, knees aching, heels snapping to the tile floor. He still wasn’t looking at you. You backed up, to the desks, finding a study one.

“Jungkook.”

You smacked the wood loudly with your flat palm.

He whipped his head towards you, dark eyes flashing. Perfect. You smirked, placing your hands on your pencil skirt. Sank your fingers in, gripping the fabric. Jungkook’s voracious eyes watched your movement, each hike revealing more and more of your legs. A slow smirk formed on his lips. You yanked your skirt all the way up to your waist, revealing your white lace panties and sheer pantyhose, black fabric bunched around your waist.

Jungkook reached down and pulled his pants up, raising his eyebrows as he walked over, lower lip in between his teeth as he grinned at you.

“That’s a dangerous position to be in, noona,” he purred. “You know I love fucking you on a desk.”

You bounced your ass up onto the table, closing your legs, knees together. Placed your hands on your lap, pushing your tits together. Jungkook licked his lips, the predatory glint back in his eye. You kept your tone stern, with a hint if disapproval.

“Really? Because for a second there, I was beginning to think you lost your nerve.”

The menace in his eyes made your shiver with anticipation. You could tell Jungkook liked it too, your word selection, your tone, your defiance. He shrugged out of his leather jacket, and it fell to the floor with an oppressive thump. You sucked in a tight breath. The shirt was short sleeved, exposing his tattooed right forearm and his equally beautiful tanned left one. Some of his long black hair was falling down, brushing against his right cheekbone.

His eyes were so dark that you felt like they were devouring you.

Jungkook placed his large hands on your knees and vehemently shoved them apart, spreading your legs wide. He gave you a cold, expressionless stare as he placed a hand on your stomach, putting you onto your elbows, hips tipped up towards him. You were embarrassingly wet, juices soaked into your inner thighs, lace panties already molded to your soaked folds, the sheer pantyhose doing nothing to protect you from him and his hungry eyes. His voice was icy, making your pussy throb with need.

“Noona, if you close your legs, I’m going to punish you,” Jungkook warned.

Part of you wanted to know what the punishment was, but the other part of you really wanted to orgasm, so kept your snide remark to yourself and simply nodded.

Jungkook removed his hands from your knees and placed them on your shuddering breasts. Fuck. You hadn’t realized you were so horny until Jungkook touched you. A pained whimper strained in your throat.

The side of his lips curved upwards.

“Does my dirty, slutty noona want to be fucked?” His nails sank down, digging into your skin. “Do you want to be used by me, your tight little pussy stretched out and pleading for more?” Jungkook leaned forward, breathing into your face, growling whisper against your lips. He pinched your nipples and you moaned, wanting to kiss him, but knowing he wasn’t going to let you. He chuckled darkly, seeing your desperation.

“Do you want to be a slave for Jungkookie’s cock, noona?”

Fuuuuuuuck.

Your heart was beating so fast that your breathing was coming out in little gasps as he twisted your nipples harshly, rubbing the tips with his thumb. Your legs shook, threatening to close because the lack of friction was killing you.

“Y-yes, Jungkook, fuck yes.”

He yanked on your nipples and slapped them, making you hiss with pain, flinching as the sting shot up your chest. Jungkook reached into his back pocket and produced the silk neck scarf.

“Keep quiet for me noona or everyone will know how much of a slut you are for me.”

And then he shoved your own scarf into your parted lips, gagging you. Not a second too soon, because, without warning, Jungkook immediately spanked your barely clothed clit. You yelped around the silk, thighs quivering. He gripped one of your thighs, digging his nails into it, tearing the sheer pantyhose a little.

“Don’t move and take it,” he snarled.

Your back arched as Jungkook began to slap your pussy, hard, unforgiving, loud, and making you wetter and wetter, so much so his hand was slipping a little with each smack. You screamed around the scarf, hips trembling as they rose to meet each hit, flaring pain in between your thighs but so, so good. He clenched his jaw, dark eyes on your quickly reddening pussy lips that were sucking your panties deeper and deeper into your slit.

“Fuck,” he growled. “Fuck, you’re so hot and so fucking perfect for me.”

He removed his hand from your thigh and ripped the center seam of your pantyhose apart.

You started, eyes widening as you watched him tear through it, yelling at him through the scarf. You still needed to wear those! The small tears were one thing, but a full-on giant rip at the crotch was not going to be comfortable to wear for the rest of the day.

Jungkook smirked, raising a hand to his ear. “What’s that? Can’t hear you.”

You glared at him and was about to remove the scarf from your mouth to scold him, but his smirk turned into a roguish grin.

“Hm? Slap you harder and abuse your clit?”

You paled.

“My pleasure.”

You threw you head back as Jungkook mercilessly spanked your now only lace-covered clit, impossibly fast, towering over you and hooking his arm under your back, dragging you to him, arching your spine more, more, so your tits were straight up, bouncing right in his face as he changed from smacking your clit to rubbing it just as fast, rougher, so intense you were hoarsely wailing into the gag.

All of a sudden, your orgasm violently rammed into you, pleasure racking your entire body, amplified by stinging pain. Your pussy clenched around nothing, wetly squelching as Jungkook breathed hotly down on your nipples, still rubbing you through your orgasm, not letting up. You shook your head furiously, trying to tell him it was too much, that you were too sensitive, but you didn’t lift your hands to stop him, only spreading your fingers against the table, palms flat as your hips raised to his fingers.

You felt his hair brush against your nipples as he licked your cleavage, smirking up at your face.

“One more and then I’ll fuck you the way I want to, noona.”

Your legs were losing feeling from how hard you were locking them in place as you felt Jungkook pry your lace panties out of your pussy, shoving them to one side. Oh shit. You moaned as you felt him shove two fingers into you, eyes squeezing shut as he added a third, scissoring them as he smiled cruelly at you, eagerly watching your reaction.

“Such a greedy pussy, sucking in my fingers like this,” Jungkook drawled, your walls clenching around them, feeling every callus and every joint, all the way to his knuckles. “All mine, my beautiful, slutty noona.”

You would have asked Jungkook what the time was if your brain could still function, but your brain timed itself out, because Jungkook was thrusting his fingers into you now, filling you up, and feeding your need and desperation, assaulting your pussy with pleasure. The pain of your stinging, puffy lips rubbing against his hand added to the ecstasy, heightening it, your moaning now unintelligible behind the silk scarf that was saturated with your saliva. The sound was obscene, sloppy smacking sounds of your drenched hole getting pounded into the desk.

You threw your head back and choked out his name around the makeshift gag, throbbing pussy clamping down on his fingers. Thick, viscous liquid gushed out onto his palm, the back of his hand, dripping down to his wrist. It was so intense that your entire body jerked up into Jungkook’s face, hitting him with your tits.

If Jungkook was mad about it, he didn’t show it. He wrenched his slick fingers out and you whined, watching him with glazed eyes as licked them off, ferally growling at your taste. He released your back from his arm and you slid down, laying against the desk, panting.

“You taste extra delicious today, noona,” he chuckled. “Candy always tastes better in cute packaging.”

You barely had time to register that Jungkook had just compared you to a fucking convenience store snack before he yanked down his pants again, whipping out a foil packet and ripping it open. Less than a second and the condom was on, and then Jungkook shoved his cock into you, a startled gasp dying in your very over-used throat.

Jungkook moaned your name above you, softly and lustfully, pulling your hips closer to him so he was all the way inside you. You clenched around his length and he sighed, small smirk on his pink lips, eyelids fluttering.

“You’re going to kill me one day with how perfectly tight you are for me,” he mumbled.

Your eyes found his and he grinned, looking down at you through his lashes, his hair obscuring half his face.

Fuck, you could stare at him all day.

Jungkook placed your legs around his waist, finally letting them rest from the forced spreading. He roughly jerked his hips into yours and you whimpered, nails clawing into the desk. His fingers dug into your hips and he set his jaw, beginning a hard, fast pace, slapping your hips together, fucking you into the desk. It scraped noisily into the floor, but neither of you cared, you abused pussy lips rubbing against his crotch every time his hips met yours, carried to new heights of pain and pleasure, loving every second, every moment of Jungkook using you to chase his own orgasm, his cock swelling and dragging against your tight walls. So much. So full.

You could never be satisfied with another cock.

“Fuck.”

Jungkook hissed, grip on your hips tightening, bruising you with his fingertips.

“Fuck, noona, I love you.”

Your heart stopped.

And then your orgasm crashed down, overtaking you completely, your head smacking the desk and seeing stars, clenching around Jungkook’s cock and pulsating violently around his length, soaking his thighs with your juices, scent so strong you were sure whatever class that was going to use this lecture hall next was going to smell your cum splattering to the floor.

Jungkook gritted his teeth and rammed his hips into you, dragging you down to meet every thrust, intensifying your orgasm, ripping your pantyhose even more. Once, twice, three times, and he groaned, shuddering as he spilled into the condom, cock shivering inside you as he came. You could feel how much it was, pressing against your walls.

His long hair was all over his face, black strands clinging to his tan skin, sweat dripping off his chin, pink lips quivering, dark eyes roaming over your fucked-out form. Panting hard, matching your heavy, grating breaths behind your now saliva-drenched neck scarf. After a long moment, Jungkook reached down and held onto the condom, slowly pulling out of you.

Holy fuck.

Holy fuck.

You reached up with a shaking hand, pulling the silk out of your mouth. It came out in a long strip of fabric, smacking against your cheek as your removed it from your lips.

Holy.

Fuck.

You sat up, your body screaming at you, seeing Jungkook breathing hard, tying up the condom.

“Did you just tell me you love me?”

Jungkook’s ears turned bright red. He chewed on his lip, biting it hard before facing you. Dark brown eyes suddenly vulnerable, scared. It was the most uncharacteristic expression you had ever witnessed on Jeon Jungkook’s chiseled, handsome face.

“Uh… yeah.”

There was a moment where you realized both you two were mostly naked in a random classroom, clothes thrown everywhere, having made a mess once again.

“Sorry,” Jungkook added quickly. “It slipped out.”

You blinked at him. “Why are you apologizing?”

He rubbed his nose, looking away.

“Well… aren’t you just fucking me because you like to be dominated?”

You frowned. “No, I’m fucking you because I’m in love with you.”

You saw Jungkook freeze. He turned his head robotically, eyes wide and doe-like. “R-really?”

You looked down to notice that your heels were on the tile floor. When had you lost those? You grumbled, trying to straighten out your panties and the remains of your pantyhose. It was doomed. You shrugged, dangling your legs over the edge of the desk as you looked back at Jungkook and his surprised expression. You raised an eyebrow.

“Are you really that much of an idiot?” you muttered, your own cheeks burning, letting out a puff of annoyed air. “Yes, I love you. Why else would I tolerate you staring at me like I’m some kind of zoo animal? Why else would I risk getting in trouble by running around like this? Why else would I let you fuck me at school, in the middle of the damn day, again?”

Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck. “Erm… because I’m hot?”

You rubbed your forehead and sighed exasperatedly, standing up, instantly wincing. Jungkook took a step forward to catch you, but he almost tripped on his pants down his ankles. You caught yourself against the desk and raised a hand, shaking your head.

“Pack your damn dick,” you muttered. You yanked your tights down your legs, removing them and balling them up. They were useless now anyway. You found your bra and put it back on as you eyed your chiffon blouse. Good thing it wasn’t ripped. It only took you a moment to slip it back on, rebuttoning it and tucking it into your skirt. You pulled your pencil skirt back down, straightening it, thighs immediately sticking together from your own fluids.

Yup, still no more comfortable than yanking your pants back on after a session with Jungkook.

You noticed him putting his leather jacket back on and picking up the condom wrapper. He took the silk scarf from the table and shoved it in his back pocket. You went back to him to gather your shoes, but he knelt down, holding out your black heels as if you were Cinderella.

“I can just–”

“Step.”

His tone was sharp and you immediately obeyed, raising your foot and stepping into your shoe. First one, then the other. Jungkook stood back up, exhaling a little. You looked up at him. His chocolate eyes flitted about tensely. He opened his mouth to speak.

“Do you… uh…”

You cut him off. “Jungkook, if you cheat on me, I will personally castrate you with a spoon.”

He cringed. “Ouch.”

You took the used condom and the wrapper bits from him, shoving them into your balled-up pantyhose. You marched towards the door confidently, pain shooting throughout your body with every step. Jungkook called after you.

“Your hairpins.”

You turned your head back a little.

“You can drop them off at my apartment later.”

And then you unlocked the door and stepped out of the classroom.

Park Jimin waved at you, grinning. Plump lips curved into a mischievous smile, wearing a denim jacket and jeans. You almost jumped seeing him standing there. What the fuck is with this guy’s timing? He eyed your hand holding your ruined pantyhose and you put it behind your back, glaring at him.

“I told Namjoon you had a lady emergency.” Jimin wiggled his eyebrows at you before holding up your phone and black purse, the belongings you had left in the back room. “You took longer than you should have.”

You felt your ears burn. “Shit. I need to get back.”

“To Jungkook, yeah,” Jimin chimed teasingly, making you glower at him.

Of course. Jungkook had turned Jimin into his scout for your escapades. Fantastic. You suddenly felt a strong presence behind you. The door had opened and Jungkook’s arm snaked around your waist, yanking you possessively to his side. He placed his chin on top of your head, inhaling the scent of your hair.

“You wanna go on a date, noona?” Jungkook purred, his free hand playing with the ends of your disheveled hair.

You pursed your lips. “I have to get back and help Namjoon.”

Jimin waved a hand. “He’ll be fine for one day. Plus, you’re being kidnapped.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but Jungkook slapped his hand over your lips, marching you in the opposite direction of Career Week, Jimin skipping behind you two, cheerfully humming.

-

part iv

--

masterpost

[light-yaers]

No Saints: Chapter Four

This content is explicit and is 18+

Warnings: Graphic sexual content, violence, implied effects of PTSD, death and explicit language.

Read on Ao3 here | Fic Masterpost

Word Count - 5.6k

Chapter Four

“You’re angry,” Mando said plainly. He stood in the shop, door closed and obviously locked, a week later. You stood behind your work desk, glaring up at his chrome visor and saying absolutely nothing.

You pointed to the collection of credits on the desktop. Mando followed your finger, seeing what the supposed problem was.

“You’re angry because I gave you my last pay?” He questioned, stepping closer to you at the desk.

“I said I don’t want your credits,” You told him bluntly. “Your money is your money—,”

“That was before you saved my life,” He interrupted, coming to lean down on the desk opposite you. You inhaled deeply, feeling a subtle rush of excitement in your gut at his closeness, despite the scolding you wanted to give him.

“I don’t want your money, Mando,” You stated, staring straight into his visor. “It’s not fair,”

“It is fair,” He retorted. “I haven’t needed information for a while. You’ve given me whiskey, bread, company—,”

“I don’t do that because I want to be paid, Mando!” You erupted. Stars, was this your first fight? God forbid.

He stepped back subtly, almost as if he was trying to figure out your emotions. You could imagine the furrowed brow beneath his helmet, the look of confusion and trying to understand what you fully meant.

“Then hear this,” He began. You heard the tone of his voice as he became sterner, as he’d figured out his words for definite. “If you go bankrupt, what happens then?”

You couldn’t help it, you had to roll your eyes at him. “That’s not your responsibility—,”

He interrupted you with a muffled groan, but instead of a seething anger, you felt... butterflies. When before it had simply been you admitting to your silly wants or desires, he’d finally cracked—he’d finally admitted that something was affecting him. “Without you on this planet, what will I do each time I return?”

You stood up slowly, involuntarily dropping your mouth open from this fucking realisation. Was Mando giving you credits to keep you in business? So he’d still have you to return to between jobs?

You couldn’t help it. All of your anger dissipated into thin air, replaced by the intense longing to fucking hug him, or laugh in his face about being the vulnerable one this time, or take off his helmet with your eyes closed and kiss his actual lips.

None of which you actually did—

Well, apart from the laughter. Soft chuckles escaped your lips, making Mando step back even further. It wasn’t often you were the one laughing at him, but this time was different.

“What?” He let out. You could hear the rising anger in his tone, but you couldn’t stop yourself from chortling. “What?” He repeated, stepping forward to approach you at the desk. You looked up into his visor, cheeks a soft shade of pink, smile shoved all over your face.

You allowed yourself a few seconds to breathe, to calm down, before you finally cleared your throat, getting in close to his visor. “You like me,” You whispered, followed by cascades of laughter once more. You had to grip onto the desk for support, otherwise you were sure you’d drop to the floor, clutching your stomach as your abs started to hurt.

Mando didn’t move, he only looked at you—stars, he was good at looking at you. Stare unwavering, body unmoving, but eyes racing behind his visor as he fought to soak up the entire image of you in front of him.

He let you have your fun, laughing solely at his expense, or maybe just to stop yourself from body slamming him to the floor in a fit of absolute arousal. When you’d slowed to subtle hiccups of laughter, he reached out, grabbing your neck and pulling your face closer to his helmet—

Stars, you ceased to breathe. You flicked your gaze over his visor, from left to right and back again, hoping that maybe you were hitting his eyes beneath. Fuck, what you’d do to see those eyes. You craved to know the colour, the warmth, the looks that Mando actually sent you. You wanted to see him clamp them shut with absolute pleasure, you wanted to see them crinkle when he laughed.

“Annoying,” Was all he said, but you didn’t feel hurt from it. You knew he was fucking deflecting—because you did that often. You settled on sending him a slight smirk in return, but all levels of composure went out of the window—when your name trickled from his lips—

Your name. The one you’d blurted out last week, before he’d fucking put you to bed. You went to move back immediately, but Mando’s grip on your neck only increased. He brought his other hand to settle on the other side, keeping you stuck right in front of him.

“There it is,” He whispered, letting out a few amused modulated breaths. “That blush,”

Stars—you wanted to simultaneously kill him and snog him.

“That blush makes your annoyance tolerable,” You raised your brows suddenly as your gut coiled uncontrollably. His voice was nothing more than a low growl, disguising itself as subtle anger; but you knew the difference. You’d heard Mando be angry, you’d heard him be soft and gentle, but you’d also heard him when he was fucking gagging for it—gagging to put his hands on your body, gagging to have you wrapped in his embrace.

“Does it, now?” You trickled out, the rising feeling of warmth fluttering through your body. It started in your stomach and spiralled outwards, hitting your chest, your arms, your shoulders and your pussy. When it hit that, your brain all but shut down, replaced with only the need—the need to hear him moan again. “What else makes it tolerable?”

Mando immediately started shaking it head. “No. I have to meet with Karga,”

You pouted at him, sticking out your lower lip and sending him a sad frown. You started sniffling overdramatically, wondering if this blatant fake act would actually work on him. He only shook his head again, faster this time, as if he was trying to convince himself not to go there. “Karga may have fallen for it, but I won’t,”

Your face dropped into an actual frown as you sighed. Mando removed his grip from your neck, picking up his satchel and slinging it over his shoulder like always. You walked round from behind your desk, trying not to get sad about how short his visit had been this week—he was a busy man, especially after the lateness of last week. He was probably trying to build up trust with Karga again.

You stood in front of him as he stared down at you, small frown still on your lips and the blush still plastered on your cheeks. “Short visit,” He stated, but it made you smile slightly. At least you weren’t the only one thinking it. “Do you still have that communicator I gave you?”

Stars, if you’d been blushing before, you were fucking red now. Your hand instinctively went to your wrist, where the comm had been since he’d put it on you last week. You hadn’t taken it off. Fuck. This is embarrassing.

Mando noticed your awkwardness, looking down to your hands and seeing that you still had it. For once, he didn’t let out a chuckle, but you figured it was as a kindness to your tomato face. “Good. Keep it,” He demanded softly. “It means I can talk to you as soon as I land,”

You tried not to let out a squeal. Mando hadn’t just admitted to wanting to keep you on Nevarro, for his sake, he’d also just made it incredibly clear that he, maybe, missed you. Missed you enough while he was off collecting quarries to want to speak to you as soon as he landed on Nevarro once again.

This man—this man of steel and metal and cold, of violence, who could definitely snap you in half in the blink of an eye, was one of the most gentle and kind beings you’d ever come across. The Mandalorian.

Maybe that wasn’t saying much, considering the people you’d been surrounded with for your entire life; but you felt the good in him. You felt his kindness, his warmth, his want to be there for you, next to you, with you. Fuck—don’t fall for him completely. Don’t you fucking dare.

If only he’d fuck you soon. That would be the cherry on of everything.

But there was something so quenching and satisfying about the build-up—the tension, the stares, the wonder of what part of your body he’d touch this time round, of which part of himself he’d reveal to you next. Stars, you loved it.

Mando nodded at you once, going to leave the shop, but you stepped forward abruptly.

“I’ll... see you next week?” You let it out in a rush, afraid that he’d dip through the door too fast for you to say a goodbye. No—it wasn’t a goodbye. It was a “see you later”.

Mando strolled back to you slowly, silently, as every step hit you like a brick. He let out a sigh, or a moan, or a whatever—it sounded half-way between pained and lost for words. Before you could figure out its meaning, he wrapped two Beskar clad arms around your shoulders, bringing a gloved hand to the back of your head and pushing you forward to rest upon his chest.

You gasped at his initial touch, not yet being used to this intimacy with him. Stars, you’d wrapped your legs around him before you’d wrapped your arms around him? It was enough to make you laugh, but all you felt in that moment was a softness that almost made you cry. It was an embrace that you hadn’t felt in years; a simple hug.

You’d forgotten all that could be fixed with one simple gesture of arms wrapped around your body. You’d forgotten the feeling of a chest rising and falling, of hearing a subtle heartbeat as your ear rested right over it. Mando’s was no different—it was a soft badum, over and over again beneath his Beskar.

You closed your eyes, guiltily realising that you didn’t want to let go, not anytime soon. But that time was cut exceptionally short, when Mando pulled himself away first. He gently peeled you from his body, extending you to be an arms-length away before dropping his arms.

“See you next week,” He said lowly. And then he was really gone, gently shutting your door from outside and leaving you to stand in the Mando-less silence of your shop.

Stars. This fucking sucks.

The more time you spent with the Mandalorian, the less you wanted him to leave. With every passing, it was becoming more of a battle on your emotions. Get it together. You berated yourself incessantly, telling yourself to get over it, to keep going forward, but with the passing time without him, you realised—

You were thinking more and more about your past.

And that was something that you never liked to do.

Despite the years, the change of perspective, the countless hours of repression and years of work to get yourself away from it, it was becoming impossible. You saw flashes while you worked, when you shot in the firing range, before you slept. It haunted you, seeping into your bones, as if you’d never fucking left it all behind.

Debilitating was a whole different ballpark, but this was debilitating. When you looked in the mirror, you couldn’t differentiate between your older and younger self anymore—behind your eyes, you still saw her; cut-throat, unremorseful, naïve.

What you always seemed to forget were your morals; you’d never wanted to do what you’d done. You’d never wanted to become what they made you, but it was all you knew, all you had, until you’d managed to get yourself out of there.

Maybe you’d picked Nevarro to settle as eternal punishment for your actions. Maybe you’d picked it because the danger, the griminess, the dirt and blood reminded you of the only home you could remember as a child.

You stifled a gasp as you dragged your hand down to your boot, sticking your fingers under the leather to feel the jagged, scarred skin on your right ankle—the mark they’d given you. The mark of your abilities, your absence of mercy, your creed.

Only when you got older did you realise it was never a creed—it was a cult, a gang—and you’d simply been one of many children trafficked to work for their ranks. If you hadn’t grown such a tough skin, you would have died alongside the ones that didn’t make it. So, you grew, you trained until you couldn’t stand, until your stomach ejected its contents, until the agony of the hits you were taking turned to a numbness that you’d learned to expect and persist through.

Fuck. Stop thinking about it. Stop.

You endured. You continued your work, you refused smiles from customers and repaired blaster after blaster, sometimes stopping to stare at the communicator on your wrist that only served as a reminder that he was gone. Stars, don’t get soft now.

It was a week later when his voice rang through the band on your arm. He said your name, and dank farrik, you freaked the fuck out. You shot out of bed, half asleep, afraid that they’d found you—that they’d scoured the universe to find you, to capture you, to torture you for your desertion—

You flailed wildly, picking up your blaster as a reflex and squinting into the darkness of your room. You were alone. “Did I wake you?” His modulated drawl spoke up again. Fuck—it’s just Mando. You clutched your heart painfully, feeling the rapid pulse of its beat throbbing throughout your entire body.

“No,” You replied breathily, trying to calm yourself down. “Where are you?”

Mando groaned on the other end of the line, but it wasn’t a noise of his that you’d ever heard before. It wasn’t strained from arousal, it wasn’t the hungriness you knew he could possess, it was pain. “Outside the city,” He replied, only confirming that something had happened.

“What’s wrong?” You bleated through the comms. “Are you hurt?”

Mando chuckled once, before letting out a colossal groan in agony. Now, you were panicking. It’s not that you thought he was indestructible, but he’d never wavered with his strength, and with all that armour you’d never know how someone could actually strike him where it hurt.

“Do you have any Bacta shots?” He asked, groaning even more. You clambered up immediately, going to check your first aid supplies. You shuffled through them all, throwing gauze and bandaids and surgical tape behind you before letting out a frustrated huff.

“No, I—I don’t have any,” You stuttered, still overcome with the adrenaline you woke up to.

“Sewing kit?” He persisted. You nodded quickly to yourself, before you realised he couldn’t fucking see you.

“Yes, I have one,” You shuffled through the cupboards beneath your work desk quickly, finding the small sewing kit that you rarely used. Weapon repairs didn’t use thread.

“Can you—,” He groaned between words. “Bring it— to the Razor Crest?”

You were already slipping on your sweats and a light jacket, nodding to yourself feverishly, before you managed to stutter out a response. “I’m on the way—be there soon—,”

“Be careful,” Mando forced out. “Sending you my coordinates,”

You followed his coordinates to the outside of the city. You’d never walked around Nevarro after dark much and for absolute good reason. It was grimy and mysterious, with dark alleys and even darker individuals. You had a constant grip on the blaster clipped to your waist as an understandable precaution, grasping it all the way to the outer sections of the city.

When you saw his ship in the distance, you broke into a run. You pumped your arms like you had no other agenda, embracing the adrenaline coursing through your blood and using it to your advantage.

“I’m outside your ship,” You breathed down the comms. His answer was opening up the hatch of the Razor Crest. You jumped in before it reached the floor, looking on the walls to close it right back up again. You stamped the controls and the ramp began to close once more, but you weren’t interested in it—

You were interested in the mound of Beskar on the floor that you recognised as Mando’s chest, shoulder and arm plates. You scanned the darkness of his ship, catching your eye on the subtle light reflection of his chrome helmet.

You rushed forward to see him crumpled on a rickety medical bed, slumped and breathing harshly. “Fuck—Mando,” You let out, approaching him quickly. You placed your hands on his armour-less forearms, but it only made him flinch in pain.

“S’okay, just a stab wound,” He whispered out coarsely.

It’s okay? This fucking idiot.

You looked at him in a panic, knowing that he most certainly wasn’t okay. He was putting on a front, maybe for your sake, or for his. You could tell he was worried; otherwise he wouldn’t have contacted you to meet him on his ship.

“Did you—bring the kit?” He stuttered out. You fumbled with the kit, pulling it from the pocket of your jacket. He only nodded, lying back onto the bed in flinches and staggered movements until only his legs dangled off the end, the rest of him laid down. “Stitches. Needs stitches,”

You stood up straight immediately, spotting a storage box by the cockpit ladder and grabbing it swiftly. You dropped it by the side of the bed, slamming yourself down on top of it and ignoring the shake in your fingers as you flicked your eyes over his body.

He’d taken off all of the Beskar on his chest, leaving on the leg armour. His undershirt was black and thick, but even that didn’t stop you from seeing the unmistakable slick of blood, gushing from beneath a spot on his stomach. Tentatively, you curled your fingers beneath the shirt, pulling it up his chest slowly, exposing the wound—

Stars, it was deep.

It was deep and gushing with red, as every breath Mando took only accelerated his blood loss. You were surprised he hadn’t passed out from the loss yet, let alone still been able to talk and just about move.

“Stars, Mando—I—,” You stuttered out, clutching the sewing kit in your fingers and wondering what the fuck you were meant to do. You weren’t a seamstress, and fuck, you’d never given anyone stitches before.

“I trust you,” The words trickled from beneath his helmet. You only indulged in his confession for a second, before tearing open the sewing kit. You spotted Mando’s first aid kit on the floor by the bed, taking a bundle of gauze and wipes as you fought to stop yourself from shaking.

You wiped down his wound, clenching your jaw as you saw the agonising way he tensed his entire body as you cleaned his flesh, ridding it of all of the blood you could. You picked up a needle then, choosing the biggest and most curved of the bunch, and threading it through with the strongest stuff in the pack. You had no idea if this would hold, but it would have to do until he started to heal, or until he could find a Bacta shot on Nevarro.

“I’m sorry,” You breathed out. “It’s going to hurt, Mando,”

He fucking laughed, spluttering out an agonising groan afterwards. You wanted to kick him, to shout at him to stop fucking doing that. “I know. Just do it,” He let out. You could tell it was through clenched teeth. He was preparing himself for immense pain.

With every groan he let out, you wanted to cry. With every stab of the needle next to the wound, you were sure he was going to slap you; you wouldn’t have blamed him, honestly. You saw the way his entire body was shaking, was going into shock slowly and agonisingly. Yet he stayed awake. You saw the subtle twitch of his fingers with every pull of the thread, with every pent-up breath you let out after another successful stitch was added to the wound.

You alternated with wiping the wound of excess blood and pushing the needle through his skin, making sure to keep it as clean as fucking possible with what you had. God forbid, infection set in afterwards. He would have been better off without you in that sense.

You were sweating profusely by the time you pulled the last stitch through, sealing up the wound as tightly as you could against his painful moans.

“Okay—okay, almost done. Hold on, Mando,” You didn’t let yourself celebrate just yet. You dropped the bloody needle and thread to the floor, picking up the roll of gauze. Stars—you needed him to sit up for you to wrap it around his torso.

Mando knew what you needed before you’d ever said it, as he tilted his helmet in your direction. Stars, you didn’t want him to see you like this. Sweating, on the brink of fucking tears, his blood beneath your fingernails.

“Up?” He let out, but you heard the regained strength in his voice. You nodded at him morbidly, but nevertheless, he did it. It was a fucking struggle; you had to give him your arm and stars, he was fucking strong. He gripped onto your arm and bit through the agony as he hoisted himself up to a sitting position. You didn’t take your eyes off the wound, too afraid that it would suddenly burst, but it held.

His shirt fluttered down his torso, covering the wound when he’d finally made it to sitting. There was no way in hell he’d be able to hold it up himself, not with the core strength it would take him to do it in his exhausted state.

You placed the gauze between his legs, curling your fingers beneath his shirt once more. “I need to take it off,” You gulped. If this was any other occasion, you’d be blushing. Seeing Mando’s hands was one thing, but seeing his chest, the gleam of his sweat, the tan of his skin and the subtle scarring from past battles—you wanted to place your hands all over it.

Fucking hell. He’s wounded. Stop it.

Mando obeyed, helping you slightly to lift the shirt over his helmet. You would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so tense; it got caught over his visor, leaving you with the image of him with his shirt stuck over his head, arms up and chest bare. God—it was sort of funny. You’d definitely laugh about it later, if he didn’t fucking pass out before you were done patching him up.

“This is not—,” He groaned. “How I imagined being—half-naked— in front of you,” The softness of his voice, despite the fucking pain, the agony, the panic that he obviously felt, filled you with a warmth that steadied you for the first time since entering his ship.

He was trying to make you feel better. Trying to calm you down, despite him being the one who should be worrying immensely. You ignored the tiny amount of blush that you felt on your cheeks, picking up the gauze and placing it over his wound gently.

You wrapped it around him several times, having to stand up and over him to wrap it behind him. You wrapped it around him four times, before you felt his fingers find your waist. You gasped slightly, but didn’t stop coiling gauze around him up. Only when his head dropped onto your chest did you stop—

You looked down at him, gauze still in your hands, just to savour this image. You were stood in front of him, while he sat beneath you, utterly encased in the protection of your body. His fingers were gripped onto your jacket tightly, feeling the fabric between his fingers and allowing his thumbs to gently fumble around your waist. His head on your chest was new altogether—the helmet was heavier than you’d ever thought it would be, and stars, you had to stop yourself from imagining his face beneath—

Eyes closed, mouth ajar as he took in gentle, calming breaths, feeling the comfort that the sound of your heartbeat offered him beneath your ribs.

You smiled to yourself, ignoring the pooled sweat that sat atop your cheeks and above your brow. Wrapping the gauze around him once more, you tucked the end back in and tied it securely, testing to see if it would budge easily. You were satisfied.

“Done,” You spoke, letting all of your panic flood away with that single word, before you slumped yourself down on the storage box next to the bed, after Mando removed his grip from you.

Fuck. You felt dizzy.

You felt utterly spent, overcome by the rapid heartbeat in your ears and the feeling of your blood beneath your skin and flesh. All you could feel was the anxiety that riddled your body, despite knowing that you were done, finished, that Mando would be okay with some rest and a few changes of gauze over the next few weeks.

You looked at your trembling fingers, seeing every little spot of dried blood that had turned to a muddied brown. All you could feel was his writhing body, his pain, his groans—

But that stopped as soon as Mando placed his hand on your cheek.

You looked up at him, flittering your eyes over his helmet and travelling them down to his, now mostly gauze covered, chest. God, that chest. You couldn’t believe you’d just touched his chest freely, but not for the reasons that you’d ever wanted to before. Stars, you never wanted to see him wounded like this again, let alone have to sew up his skin a second time.

“I was right to trust you,” He said softly, circling his thumb rhythmically over your warm cheeks. You let out an abrupt scoff, needing to find comedy in this situation before you utterly exploded into tears and cries.

“Stupid decision. You’re just lucky that I’m good under pressure,” Good under pressure. What a blatant fucking lie, evidently.

“No,” He spoke up. “You’re good in general,”

Stars. If only he knew all that you’d done in your life. He would be a saint in comparison.

You allowed yourself to let go, to feel only the touch of his fingers upon your cheek. Those hands, you loved the roughness, the coarseness, the gentleness of the ridges between his fingers and his palm. It was enough to calm you down tenfold, sucking away the anxiety and the fear that had settled within you over the past week.

“It’s late,” You spoke, sending him a small smile. “I should get back before dawn,”

Mando went stiff, so abruptly that you thought something had happened with his wound. You frowned, reaching out to the gauze, but he kept you in place by swivelling himself round on the bed to face you fully. You gasped when he raised his other hand to your face, holding your head in his hands and staring directly into your goddamn soul.

“You could stay,” He whispered it, allowing his voice to penetrate the entire space around you, filtering through your ears and travelling down your spine, causing you to involuntarily shiver. “Till morning, when it’s safe to go back into town,”

Safe. On Nevarro? That didn’t exist. But he was right—daytime in the city is better than the dark.

You tried not to visibly squirm. This was new, this was... unexpected. When before, Mando had been so quick to turn down staying at your shop, he was suddenly offering you the same on a silver platter. But this was different—both of you knew nothing could happen that evening, not with his wound, not with your exhaustion.

The thought of sleeping on the floor of a ship had never appealed to you before, until you factored in the fact that Mando would be there, too. Whether he stayed on the sad excuse for a bed with his legs dangling off the end, or whether he joined you on the floor, you’d be next to him.

It was an offer that you, unapologetically, weren’t going to say no to. But you also didn’t want to reveal just how much his offer had set you alight. You felt it in the tips of your fingers, electricity shooting its way up your arms and out from your chest, igniting all the senses in your body until your hairs stood on end at the mere thought of being this close to him for a night.

When before, you’d stolen time with him between his jobs, lucky to get a few hours with the hunter a week before he had to leave and you were left with the wondering worries of his safety; now? This was a different level. He’d invited you to stay.

And you said the only answer you could think of—

“Okay,”

Before you had the chance to move, you heard something from behind you—it didn’t sound like a person, it sounded like... gurgling? It made you jump out of your skin, forgetting about the comforting touch of the Mandalorian before you. You saw Mando’s head drop in defeat, but you didn’t know what for.

“Click that button,” He said lowly, pointing to a control pad beside a built-in closet space in the hull. You got up tentatively, standing before the doors of the closet, before pressing the button Mando had gestured to—

What met you were the biggest eyes you’d ever seen. Black, deep, and absolutely adorable. Its ears were something else. Huge, compared to the tiny body it possessed, covered in a potato sack of a robe that was far too big for it.

“Stars...” Was all you managed to let out. “What—what is it?” Your brain was struggling to determine whether or not it was cute or ugly, but when it let out the most adorable of gurgles, you ultimately landed on cute—cute as fuck.

“Baby,” Mando replied, as if it was obvious.

“A baby?” You let out in disbelief. “Mando—why the kriff do you have a baby in your closet?” You turned back to him, acknowledging the way he didn’t even seem bothered about the little green, hairy, monster baby in his ship.

You shot your gaze back to the kid when he blurted out a confused laugh, almost as if he was asking who’s this?

“I need rest,” He replied. “I’ll... explain in the morning,”

The morning. Stars, you’d get to see him in the morning. And you’d get to see... his baby. As much as you wanted to object, to know everything right that second, you were also fighting off your own exhaustion. You couldn’t imagine the physical strain that Mando was feeling, and that was enough to get you to stop with the questioning.

You strolled back to his bedside, picking up his bloodied shirt on the way and folding it up, before placing it on the floor by the medical bed. “You take the bed—,” He began, but you cut him off immediately.

“No way, you’re the one with fourteen new stitches,” You scoffed. You looked around the ship, spotting a bundled blanket by some open floor space on the hull. “I’m fine on the floor,”

“Just—,” He went to protest, but you placed a finger over where you assumed his mouth would be on his helmet.

“Don’t fight with me now, Mando. Not after I’ve given you stitches and met your son,”

Maybe he wanted to object further, but at that moment he simply accepted your word. He laid back on the bed, stretching his long torso out until most of his body was being supported by the rickety mattress. He turned his helmet towards the closet, staring at the kid. “Be good. We have a guest,” You ignored the violent blush of your cheeks at his parenting voice. Stars, why was this sexy? “Can you... shut the door...” Mando’s voice trailed off, as you realised the exhaustion and shock was full taking over his body.

You did as he asked, carrying the blanket you saw earlier while you approached the kid once more. You gave him another once over, not being able to help the small smile that appeared on your lips—god, he was cute. He was green and hairy and had wrinkles, but fuck, he was cute. You couldn’t wait to hear this story.

With the click on the control panel, the door was sealed again once more, keeping the kid safe and sound for the night. You settled yourself on the floor of the hull, spreading out the blanket and lying yourself out on it, before wrapping the excess around you like a sleeping bag. Honestly, you’d slept in worse places, and knowing that Mando was mere meters away from you meant you didn’t give a shit.

“Goodnight, Mando,” You whispered, knowing he wouldn’t hear you at all. The sound of subtle snores was already trickling from his modulator.

You knew then, as you settled onto the cold, metal hull of the Razor Crest, that for the first time all week, you weren’t thinking about your past. As you shut your eyes and sleep began to take you, instead of that naïve girl for seven years ago meeting you on the other side—

It was Mando; asking you to stay forever.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #423

“i won’t think about you when i’m older  /  ‘cuz we never really had our closure”

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? Neither. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? No. Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? My late grandmother's husband stayed overnight when he was driving from New York to Florida or the other way around, idr. How many long term relationships have you been in? Two. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? My snake's heat lamp stays on. Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? My dad. Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I don't think I've even heard one of her songs. Do you know your blood type? A-. Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. Have you got your period at the moment? I haven't had my period since I started TMS. It's honestly so fucking frustrating that it obviously had an effect on my body, but not my depression. I've officially finished TMS as of a few days ago and now I just feel so void of hope. Have you ever been pregnant? No. How old were you when you first went on a plane? Idr, I was a little kid. Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Not me personally, but my parents have for my education that I threw away. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. I don't see my dad a lot, but he's still in my life regardless. When was the last time you went apple picking? I’ve never been. Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? Happiness. Have you ever been drunk at school or work? I have not. How many bedrooms are in your house? Three. Are you smart about computers? Not really, no. Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? Yes. My sister loved them, so we have a few. Do you own a Xbox 360? No. I'm a PlayStation girl. Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? No. I'd be mortified. So, do you need a nap? I really should take one. I slept like... maybe three hours last night. I was up most of the night having a fucking life crisis. What would you rather be doing? Something fun. What sport are you the best at? I haven't touched any sort of sport since I was a teenager. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you complain a lot? Kind of, but I generally try to keep it in surveys nowadays. I'm just tired of shit. Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Ohhh, tough pick, but I've gotta say the ancient temple. Do you like fruity or minty gum? Both, really. Are you looking forward to any day of this month? Well July is practically over, so I'll answer for August. I'm looking forward to my nephew's birthday. Have you ever gotten detention? A few times for getting too many morning tardies in high school. Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? Definitely. Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? Powerwolf did recently. Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why meerkats do not make good pets whatsoever. Do fucking not get one. I can barely fathom how it's legal in some countries. Ever cried so much you threw up? No, but I've gagged. Who is your best guy friend? Girt. What do you two do when you hang out? Mostly just watch TV and play board games. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? I dunno, really. Do you even like horror movies? I love horror movies. Do you live in the country? I wish I still did. :/ Me and Mom hate hate hate living in these suburbs. What is your favorite accent? British. Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No. Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? Coke. Pepsi is gross. What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? I was literally in the psych hospital for my 21st birthday lmao. It's kind of a painful memory, but I also won't forget the love and kindness people showed me. I especially remember the friend I made there getting the lunch lady to literally go and buy me a slice of cake. Everyone also sang happy birthday to me and gaaaah I'm getting emotional. Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? That was my dad's drink of choice when he drank. Do you take a lot of pictures? Unless I have my camera and am somewhere pretty, no. What kind of face wash do you use? Water, lol. Does drama always seem to follow you? Nah. Does anybody in your family race? No. Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom. How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” Uhhh... I want to say $2 or something? I might be way off, idr. How long do you want to live with your parents? I WISH I could have moved out with an s/o already, but that's just not how life's worked out. Do you have a laptop or desktop? I have a laptop. Do you like your parents? I love them. Do you secretly like someone? It's not a secret, no. Would you ever date your best male friend? Tried that once and it didn't work out. I liked him more as like a brother. What are you currently listening to? "Better Than Me" by Hinder. I really need to turn it off, but I can't make myself. Do you want to be single? I really wish I had a partner to love and motivate me to strive to do better, but I know it's better I'm single right now. I'd just relive the Jason situation, I'm sure. I'd just drag the person down and lose them. Did you go out or stay in last night? I'm almost always at my fucking house not doing shit, so. Have you pretended to like someone? No, that sounds pretty stupid... How is your heart lately? Hurting. A lot. Are you wearing socks? I hate wearing socks and I'm in bed anyway, so no. What do people call you? Britt, mostly. Do you get stressed out easily? VERY. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No. What is wrong with you right now? Where the hell to begin. Do you own something from Hot Topic? A lot. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? With someone, so long as the bed is big enough to comfortably fit two of us. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No. I'm certain he wants nothing to do with me. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Sadly. Did you get any compliments today? Definitely not. I look and feel like a wreck right about now. There's nothing to praise me about. Have you ever gone to a beach? Many times. What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Unless it was an edible, no. I'd do almost anything to try and make me feel better right now, even if just for a little while, but I'm unwilling to smoke anything. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? HELL no. Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Honestly, no. Do you have long nails? No; I never do because I have an awful habit of picking at them. Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. Do you generally look nice in photos? HA. Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? No. What colour are your father’s eyes? They're dark brown. If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? Ozzy, duh. Name three facts about your family? We're very, very spread out geographically, some of us (in other words, me) are emotionally distant, and uh... idk. Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? Only if it was a certain person, our lives were more on track, and we were making plans for either of us to move soon. What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received? Probably this really long letter my mom wrote for me on my bday a couple years ago. What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? I played the flute for many years, all through middle school and through much of high school. Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? Carve pumpkins, for sure. Do you think you’re important? I don't fucking know. Probably not. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Idk. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? *hands over thick book* Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. My hands are way, way too shaky to ever accomplish that. Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. What was the first thing you ate today? Well, I was seriously depression-eating last night, way past midnight, and had a peanut butter sandwich. If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? LET'S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT RIGHT NOW. If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? "Falling apart." I've lost direction, motivation, strength, hope, just everything. What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? I need a fucking shower so bad that it's embarrassing. I just can't move. I have no energy, emotionally or physically. I just can't make myself do it. Is there anything that you wish you could take back? So, so badly. What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? Actually reaching goals. Losing weight. Healing my legs. Knowing with certainty that I wasn't emotionally abusive to Jason. Moving out of this town and back into the country. Financial stability. A job I thoroughly enjoy. I could go on, but let's not. If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? God, let me take back shit I said in that fucking letter to you-know-who. It's so hard to believe I once thought it perfectly justified and realistic. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't have any plans of changing the style in the foreseeable future. I want to color it BADLY. To just SOMETHING. Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? I'm like, a lightning-fast typist. Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ No; my best friend in HS was, though. Her GPA was fucking insane. I was in the top percentile, though, so I was up there. What the hell happened to that girl. How many drugs are in your system? If we're including prescriptions, a whole hell of a lot. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Jack shit. Like usual. Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. Do you call anyone baby? Excluding my pets, no. What’s your current mood? lol if you've gotten this far reading, you can make an educated guess. Do you think you are a good person? Bro I just don't know. What were you doing before filling out this survey? I was playing WoW. How late did you stay up last night? Like, 4:30 or so. When was the last time you cried really hard? I wanna say like a week ago? Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No. It still badly needs a trim, though.

[hypnoticwinter]

Down the Rabbit Hole part 17 (nsfw elements)

I keep telling myself that it’s enough to have gotten this far, this is an adequate demonstration of bravery, that I should be impressed that I kept my nerve enough to even get to this point in the tunnel, but even though my heart quails and I’m shaking lightly, a kind of mixed blend of anxiety and terror at the prospect that something might be stalking me down here, I stay where I am as though my feet had grown roots.

For there in front of me, just as Makado had said there would be, is the puckered, anus-like entrance to a ballast bulb. Only took me roughly twenty minutes of crawling through a tight, suffocating, pitch-black venterial canal, all manner of slime and scum and filth caking around my face and arms. My suit will be an absolute mess but nobody will know the difference, most likely; after this first day all of the pristine and immaculate dull orange suits have become equally dirty - mine will just be a little fresher.

Getting out of the camp was surprisingly easy. I had crept by Joker with some trepidation, half expecting him to spring into life and go after me without Euler holding his leash, but all that happened was that the machine’s head had risen slightly as I had moved past and then settled down again.

I guess that after Makado and I had left to return to my hotel room and retrieve my gear, the team had asked Euler to showcase some of Joker’s other features and he’d activated some sort of autonomous mode. It had taken him some thirty minutes to set up, Elena had informed me, the back of Joker’s cranium hinged open and Euler poking around in there, but afterwards they’d lead him over to some sort of obstacle course Elena had called a ‘kill house’ and let him loose and the results had been so impressive and entertaining that they’d had Joker repeat the course four times before Euler had begged off, citing some sort of instability in the machine’s logical pathways…whatever that means. We hadn’t seen either of them for the rest of the day up until the party; Euler had explained, briefly, that he’d been working with the Engineering department to get radio tags working with Joker’s system so that while we were down here he know who was and wasn’t part of the team. Don’t go walking around without your suit, they’d warned us. Otherwise, if for some reason we do let him operate on his own, he might not know who’s who. Might act unpredictably.

Shades of Terminator, of Robocop. But I rolled my eyes at myself and brushed past him, let my hand press lightly against his burnished chestplate for just a moment – you can never be too superstitious – and then squeezed my way into the tunnel. There were no tents clogging its entrance on account of it being so small. I had to go on my hands and knees most of the way, except for a little bulbous bit in the middle where it widened up and I was able to stand.

I don’t know how I made myself go through it. I kept getting a prickling feeling along the back of my scalp, like something was stalking up behind me, but whenever I curled over and looked back there was nothing there, just the ribbed walls of the passage, like I was inside of a giant esophagus.

I had a panic attack halfway through. I don’t know what brought it on; I’m not prone to panic attacks, normally. I made it to a section where the tunnel dropped down a couple of feet, a sort of rough 45-degree angle, and I just started crying. I wanted fervently to be back at home in bed waking up from the crazy dream I’d been having. I wanted to go and listen to We Didn’t Start the Fire by Billy Joel and follow along to the lyrics and not hear anything odd or unusual, just have my mind skip over everything like normal and have it all be okay. I wanted –

I don’t know what I wanted.

But at the end of it I rolled over onto my back and closed my eyes, and then I sat up and smoked a cigarette from the pack I’d smuggled in with me. Just one cigarette, and then I crushed the pack in my hand and threw it away. I kept the lighter, though; you never know when something like that will come in handy.

Then I got back on my knees and pulled my way through the tunnel and now here I am, nose still clogged and runny, but feeling better.

I have a knot at the base of my stomach the size of a baseball and I keep looking behind me, frightened that something’s going to grab me and eat me and that I’ll never see anybody – especially Elena – ever again. I’m afraid that I’ll drink this stuff and that’ll be a wrap for me, the Pit will have gotten its claws in me and I’ll be different, I’ll be changed somehow.

“Fuck it,” I mutter under my breath. The cigarette had calmed my nerves a little and, to tell the truth, I’d been craving one after a few days without. A momentary pang of regret few through me on ghostly wings; I thought for a moment about going back and finding the pack I’d discarded but then my lip curled at the thought of myself grubbing around in the muck looking for it. I’m not that pathetic.

Getting the bulb’s entrance dilated enough for me to crawl through is tough work. I’m buried up to my elbows in the thing, feeling vaguely nauseated at the wrinkled folds of flesh just a few inches from my face. There’s some sort of sphincter-like muscle there banding around the opening like steel cord, but the more I press and lever with my elbows opposed the more it relaxes. Soon it’s large enough for my head, then for my shoulders, but I keep going to make sure that I can fit through with the added bulk of the suit.

The smell is intensely strange. I had thought for a while that it might remind me of a Coke Heartthrob, especially with memories of the last one I’d had still relatively fresh in my mind, but the smell is completely different, more…earthy and spicy and invigorating. It smells like…like vanilla. There is a distinct odor of vanilla. There’s still the same disgusting organic undertone to the air that pervades everywhere in the Pit, but it mixes with the drooling sweat odor pouring from the orifice in front of me to form something new and strange and…appealing. Appealing in the same way that a mixture of sweat and men’s deodorant can be appealing, appealing in the same way that –

I shake my head, try to clear it. Easy, girl. You’re just going to crawl in there, drink some of this stuff – I can feel my gorge rising again but I shut my eyes and count to five and breathe through my mouth and the feeling dissipates – and then crawl back out and go back to Elena and fall back asleep. That’ll be all.

The Pit groans, a little noise of stress and tension, and I jump.

“Fuck it,” I murmur again, and then I clamber into the orifice, feel it suck at my thighs and calves and feet as it tightens behind me, and then I slip down a slick, slippery surface of flesh and fall face-first into about three or four feet of murky, milk-white ballast. It takes me a moment to find a purchase on the rubbery flesh at the bottom of the pool but I do, finally, and then I come up sputtering, trying to clear my eyes. I haven’t drank any of it; some instinct screwed my mouth shut as soon as my head went under and I couldn’t force myself to open it for all that I tried.

I open my eyes and look round. The inside of the bulb is red and fleshy and membranous; there is a long rind-like deposit of something stretching between the ceiling and the floor, just a little off-center of the middle of the room, thick as a tree trunk. There are little curling wisps of some sort of vapor rising from the surface of the ballast; that must be what gives it such a strong smell. The odor’s grown even more intense here, inside the thing, and I can –

Huh.

I can feel something happening on my face, my hands, pretty much every piece of exposed skin that had gone under when I lost my balance and fell down the side of the bulb face-first. It’s hard to pin down at first, but then it resolves from an indistinct feeling to a light and pleasant tingling a little like the breathy feeling you get when someone’s been tickling you for a very long time and then they suddenly stop. I wait for a moment, cringing inwardly, but it doesn’t resolve into burning pain or – or whatever I expected, it just stays light and tingling and pleasant.

No wonder people liked to bathe in this stuff.

I raise my hand to my cheek hesitantly. The skin on my face feels softer somehow. Gentler, as though I hadn’t been baking in the West Texas sun for the last week or so. The same’s happened to my hands, I realize on closer inspection; the hard nubby calluses on either wrist, just above that little bone on the edge of the wrist, gained from hours spent working at a desktop typing, are now little more than suggestions of their former selves.

I spend a long while there, staring at my wrist, the detached headlamp clutched in my teeth. What the hell is this stuff going to do to me if I drink it?

But the tingling feeling is already abating, and it isn’t as though it took my skin off, didn’t disfigure me. Most likely, anyway. I probably look a couple of years younger. I prod at my forehead experimentally; it feels a little tighter.

“Fuck it,” I say again, and then I cup my hands and dip them into the pool of ballast at my feet, and then raise it to my lips and drink.

The taste is surprisingly mild and savory. The texture, though – it’s thick, thicker than water. It feels as though I’m drinking some kind of oil and for a moment it’s enough to make me gag, but I force down a couple of swallows and then, almost as soon as it hits my stomach, I feel a heat building there, the same kind of warm, pleasant one gets after they’ve eaten a large meal and want to do nothing other than lay down somewhere and not think for a while, just without the accompanying sensation of fullness. This dissolves after a moment into the same sort of tingling that I’d felt on my hands and face, only a dozen times stronger, and it turns into a sort of burning, fizzing sensation that races through my body, and I double over with the force of it but I’m grinning, I’m grinning so hard, because I’ve never felt so good –

And then I move wrong and I nearly scream at the sudden jolt of pleasure so intense that I initially mistook it for stabbing pain. It takes me a moment, frozen, eyes wide, to identify what happened, and then, cautiously, I isolate my chest and move it gently, trying to brush against the inside of the suit, and it sweeps through me again and even though my knees grow weak and I hear a low animal moaning echoing in the bulb, it takes me a disconcertingly long time for me to realize that it’s issuing from my mouth.

When I had moved my nipple had brushed up against the coarse fabric on the inside of the suit and I had almost came just from that. I flop against the side of the bulb and feel my breast through the suit carefully; it feels larger than usual, swollen somehow, and taut and sensitive, the nipple hard enough to cut glass. I look down and I can see it actually poking through the suit.

I get shakily to my feet, trying hard to avoid any other accidentally brushes like that, and I realize that I am incredibly, almost discomfortingly, wet. There’s a throbbing in my groin like a heartbeat and a warmth that quickly turns into an ache, a need for something to fill me. I shake my head again, trying to clear it, but it doesn’t do anything to help. I glance back down at the innocuous milky ballast; did I drink enough? Two cupped handfuls – not that much. But if it’s already doing this to me, can I handle more?

My hand, I realize, has gravitated to my crotch, and I’ve started rubbing myself through the suit. “Goddam it,” I hiss out loud, pulling my hand back like it was burned, my body aching for it to come back.

I can feel a small trickle run down my leg and I feel my lip curl, first in disgust, then it curls further into a lascivious grin. I think for a moment about undoing the bottom of the suit and just masturbating there, thinking I might get the demon off of my shoulders and out of my head with an orgasm or three, but while my hand is idly massaging my breast through the suit I think of Elena and such a surge of lust goes through me that for a moment I can’t even breathe. I squeeze at my chest through the suit until I feel pain and that wakes me a little, and then, still grinning, I rise and start to make my way back to the orifice, head filled with all of the things I’ll do to Elena when I get back to the tent, hands quivering lightly with anticipation. I find the light and fumble with it clumsily for a moment before I click it on and angle it up towards the opening so I can make my way out, but then when I see what the light is shining on I almost scream again and it is only the sudden presence of mind that makes me clap my hand to my mouth that stops me from shrieking.

For there, at the mouth of the bulb, is a pale human arm, stuck elbow-deep inside the orifice, and gradually wrenching it open!

I click the light off and drop into a low crouch and then slowly creep backwards, taking care not to make too much noise with the wet ballast up to my knees. I make it to the pillar-like deposit of – of whatever the hell it is in the center of the bulb and skirt behind it just as I hear the soft groan of the bulb’s sphincter giving up the fight against whoever is trying to make their way in here.

I scarcely dare to breathe. I can feel my heart thumping a million miles an hour and I can feel terror gnawing at me, trying to get its fangs in, but for the moment I’ve mastered myself. Whoever it is, they have a much more powerful light than I do, but they don’t seem to have spotted me; the light sweeps once, twice, around the inside of the bulb and then I hear a sliding sound of something heavy and then a definitely male grunt as whoever it is splashes into the ballast. I hear him set the light down and then indeterminate splashing, but at the very least he doesn’t seem to suspect I’m here.

Now that the immediate danger is over my body is urgently reminding me how horny I am. I bite my lip and bear it; if anything the feeling seems to be intensifying rather than falling off, especially since I’m not doing anything about it. If I don’t consciously think about it and stop myself I find my hands gravitating back to my breasts, to my groin, little twinges of pleasure making me bite my lip, suck in soft breaths. Finally I end up just putting my hands on my cheeks and keeping them there, to hell with whatever aching neediness I feel between my legs. I feel a little stupid, but if my hands are on my face I can keep track of them more easily.

I shift a little to the left and peek around the waxy deposit growing out of the ceiling and my mouth drops open; I see Crookshank’s ruddy cheeks and unruly sideburns, his powerful barrel chest heaving as he scoops handfuls of ballast from the pool and rubs it on his arms, his cheeks, his face. He’s undone his suit, the halves of it flopping around his waist, and as I watch he slaps the liquid on his bare chest, rubs it in like lotion.

This continues for another few minutes before he kneels and takes a great gulp of the fluid, and I gasp lightly, for he lapped up so much more than I had, and even though he is much bigger than I am and perhaps the same principle as alcohol applies, perhaps he can handle much more of it, I shudder to think of what that much of the fluid would have done to me.

He stands there for a long while, leaned against the wall, eyes shut, his cheeks slowly growing even redder, and then he zips his suit down further and starts to jerk himself off. I lean back around the deposit and force myself not to think about it but I can’t help it, I can’t get the image out of my head, I can’t stop myself from salivating over it, from thinking of the way it’d feel inside of –

No. Stop. He’s going to jerk off and then he’ll leave and then you can get out of here and never talk about this ever again.

But if that’s the case, goddam it, why am I fucking touching myself, why is it so much easier to peek my head around the corner like this and watch him and rub myself through the suit. He’s not even hot, he isn’t my type, fuck, I wouldn’t have thought twice about him, but with this – with this drug in my body I can’t stop myself from thinking about him taking a fistful of my hair and bending me over and then forcing himself into –

Stop.

I crouch there in the dark, reeking of ballast, listening to Crookshank grunt rhythmically as he fucks his hand, and then finally he lets out a louder grunt and I swear, I swear I can hear it hit the ballast. I’m crying, I realize again, something’s short-circuited inside of me and all I can do is cry and rage at the stupid animal cage I’m trapped in, the stupid animal cage that wants to get bent over and fucked and used. I don’t want to have to think, I don’t want to have to be like this, I don’t want to -

Crookshank leaves and I finally let out a shaky breath. I’m still unbearably, agonizingly horny. I think about touching myself, about just getting it over with, but again I think of Elena, and I think of Crookshank, of goddam motherfucking Crookshank grunting like a bear in heat, and suddenly I feel as though doing it here would make me vomit. I don’t want to see this place again, I don’t want to even think about it. I want to just go back and crawl into the tent and let Elena hold me and wake up clean. Except…

I eye the murky surface of the ballast.

What if the amount I drank isn’t enough? What if I should have drank more, what if if I leave now I’ll be throwing away the only chance I get? I doubt we’ll have time for me to sneak back here on the return trip, and even if we did I don’t want to take my chances running into Crookshank or whoever else.

But Christ, if the small amount I drank is doing this to me…

I reach down and cup a small amount in my hand. I raise it to my mouth and then stop, then I squeeze my eyes shut and drink it down. I stand there and sway and shudder as the heat intensifies. I put my arms around myself and clutch and just hold my ribs tight until I feel as though I can move, and then I make my way to the orifice and force my way out of it. It’s easier going out than in, although I still have to squeeze. I nearly shriek again as it presses against my breasts unexpectedly, and the sudden pressure and the burning jolt of pleasure makes me buck my head, momentarily lost in the sensation, but I claw my way out, manage to clear my head somehow and keep moving. The smell of ballast has become sickening, and as I crawl my way down the long ventricular canal back to the camp I feel as though it’s clinging to me and I’ll never be able to get it off, no matter how many showers I take, no matter how hard I scrub myself.

I happen upon my discarded pack of cigarettes and laugh to myself even as I ache to see if any of them escaped destruction, but I keep my dignity and pass it by. Well, some of my dignity; I’m so horny now that even the soft rubbing together of my thighs, a motion forced by the tight quarters where I have to go on my hands and knees, is becoming unbearable. I keep arching my back and imagining filthy things and pawing at myself, but somehow I manage to keep enough of my mind from crumbling in on itself to make my way back to the camp. I squeeze past Joker again, trailing my fingers along his shoulders, the cool dull spark of the metal on my fingertips seeming newly sensitive to my revitalized fingers. It’s late, it’s so late, but I feel agonizingly awake. I find the tent, slip out of the suit as quickly as I reasonably can, leave it crumpled on the fleshy floor next to Elena’s neatly folded suit, and then I unzip the tent and clamber in.

Elena’s eyes are tracking me there in the dark, little glittering jewels glinting at me. She rolls over as I move fully into the tent and I am so unspeakably happy to see her that for a moment I can do nothing more than squat there on my haunches with an idiot grin plastered all over my face before she smiles at me softly.

“Hi,” she says, her voice grown innocent, still heavy with sleep.

I breathe her name like it’s a prayer and then I am kissing her and she kisses me back, a laugh bubbling in her throat as she does, and I can’t stand it any more, I have to be closer to her, I want all of her, I want everything, and while she makes little delighted sounds of amusement and disbelief at how insatiable I am I kiss my way all over her, grinding against her thigh as I do, and when she reaches up for me and finds my breasts I shudder and arch my back inwards, trying to press more of myself against her.

“Missed me?” she asks, her thumbs working in slow circular motions. She has a smug little smile on her face. I’m panting I want her so bad. I don’t trust myself to speak so I just nod. Her hand trails upwards from my breast and I let out a little whining moan. It fixes around my throat, squeezes lightly, and I swallow. Her other hand tracks down my stomach and I can feel my hips buck gently as I know what’s coming, and I grin at her, but she stops just before where I want her to, tangles her fingers in my pubic hair, massages me there, and though I try to angle my hips forward and slide her fingers against me, wet and slick and willing, she stays agonizingly still.

“Why do you smell like ballast, Roan?” she asks, cocking her head at me. Her eyes have gone cold and calculating and her grip on my neck has become very, very strong. I want to fuck so badly that the well of fear bursting in my gut is something I can barely recognize, barely react to. I open my mouth and let out another little moan.

“Elena,” I groan, “I don’t –“

“Oh, don’t lie,” she murmurs. I see her eyes flick down to my nipple and then she darts forward and latches onto it with her mouth, eyes still fixed on mine, at least until she brings her teeth together extremely gently and I shudder, starbursts blossoming in my vision. Then she lets me go with a wet pop that I find incredibly, unspeakably lewd. I feel as though my cheeks are on fire.

“Your name isn’t Merriweather either, is it?” she asks me.

“Elena,” I say again. It’s all I can say. I can’t summon the breath for anything more complicated.

“See,” she says, “after you left I thought I’d stay awake until you got back. But you took a long, long time. So then I started thinking,” she says, punctuating the statement with a sharp gesture downwards with her finger, just brushing against me, and it feels like heaven.

“Y-you can’t,” I start, giving her a pleading look, but she’s enjoying this too much. The torture will end when she wants it to.

“Then I looked up your personnel file, cause I wanted to creep on you. Only guess what?”

I shut my eyes.

“Right,” she says, squeezing my throat a little tighter. “You don’t have one.”

“Elena,” I say very carefully, trying to keep my voice from pitching upwards into a moan, “I can explain.”

“I’m sure you can,” she says. When I crack my eyes open she’s looking at me with something resembling sympathy. “But I don’t care about that right now.”

“You don’t?”

She moves her hand downward, lets go of my throat. I gasp slightly, and then when she inclines her middle finger slowly upwards and brushes against me I gasp harder. “Tell me this is real,” she says.

“W-what?”

“Tell me,” she repeats slowly, “that this is real. That you aren’t using me to get down here, that there’s not some ulterior motive at play. Tell me it’s real, Roan.”

Her finger presses inside of me and I collapse against her, bury my face into her neck, kiss her again and again, leave a trail of bite marks in my wake. “It’s real,” I moan into her ear, and then she fits another finger into me and all I can see is her wide grin growing wider before the night dissolves into a parade of sensual enjoyments, of flesh and reactions and noises burned indelibly into my frantic, pleasure-drunk brain.

 * * *

 When we’re done finally and whatever effect the ballast had on me is fading, Elena curls me into her arms and I kiss her softly. My mouth and tongue are still a little tired but it was infinitely worth it. We stay like that in fuzzy oblivion for only a moment before Elena inclines her head and nuzzles at my forehead with her nose.

“So who are you really?” she asks me. “What’re you doing here?”

“Oh,” I groan. “It is a long story.”

Elena laughs quietly. “Well, we’ve got nothing but time.”

“It must be so late,” I tell her. “Shouldn’t we get to sleep?”

“It’s midnight.”

”What?”

“See?” she asks, twisting around a little to show me her watch. It’s a huge clunky tactical-looking thing. I almost laugh at it. “Down here the name of the game is early to bed, early to rise. I know Sarge will get us going later though, cause of you and Euler. You won’t be used to it.”

“Well,” I say, not knowing what else to. Elena holds me tighter.

“So tell me,” she says simply, and so I tell her.

She handles it well, but it’s not a very difficult story. It even makes sense in places, I think. I skirt around the main issue for a while but eventually seize on it and just tell her. When she doesn’t react I glance up at her, meet her level gaze. “It’s only transmitted through blood-to-blood contact,” I say quickly. “So we don’t have to worry about –“

“I know how it works,” she tells me. “Still sort of the thing you ought to tell someone about before you fuck them.”

I feel myself flush; Elena sees too. She takes my chin in her hands, looks down at me. “It’s okay,” she tells me. “I get why you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I said it’s okay.”

“I’m sor-“

“Shh.”

We lay there in silence for a while longer. “They told you you were allergic?” she asks. “At the hospital?”

“Uh. Yeah.”

“That’s what they said? Verbatim?”

I can feel everything shrinking into myself. “Yes,” I say quietly. “I think so, I – yes.”

“Or did they say it was like you were allergic?”

“No, they – well. I don’t know. You’re making me doubt myself.”

“Medicine can go off,” she says. “It can go bad. If it did and they didn’t know and used it anyway, if it had been mislabeled, you might have gone into shock, you might have –“

“I don’t want to –“

“Shh,” she says again, holding me to her. I try to pull away but she doesn’t let me. More than anything I want her to stop asking questions, I want her to just hold me here and not judge me, not say anything. I feel fragile, I feel like a thousand needles are poking in at me just millimeters from my skin and if I make one motion they’ll stick –

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, and she laughs.

“What the hell are you sorry for?” she says. She runs a hand through my hair and try as I might not to like it, I like it. I like the way it feels. “What else were you going to do?” she asks. “You were scared, you didn’t know any better. You wanted to run from it and not confront it, I don’t think there’s shame in that. And then you found out about this place and everything just fell like dominoes.”

“Yeah,” I agree in a small voice.

“Fucking cruel of Veret to send you down here, though.”

“I asked for it,” I say. “She didn’t want to.”

Elena grunts.

“You don’t like her much, do you?” I ask.

“I think,” Elena says after a long time, “that after 2007 she should have gotten as far away from this place as she could and found something that made her happy.”

“I don’t understand –“

“Makado made it her mission to make sure the Pit could never hurt anybody ever again,” she tells me, “when she got Head of Sec. But that’s impossible, you know. The thing’s so large, there’re so many ways in, so many ways out, you can’t do anything about it. She lets it eat her up.”

“You didn’t call her ‘Veret’ just then,” I point out. Elena looks at me.

“I don’t hate her. I just think that she isn’t suited for the job.”

“You really don’t care that I lied to you?” I ask her.

“About who you are? No. In the same circumstances I’d have lied to you.”

Elena has been kneading my hipbone gently with her thumb for the past five minutes, and the rhythmic motion is going to put me to sleep soon. I kiss her again, near her collarbone, and shut my eyes. Elena holds me tighter, there in the dark, and for a moment I’m able to not worry.

Just as I’m about to drift off, all wrapped up and warm and happy, still basking in the afterglow, I feel her thumb stop.

“But if I find out that you’re lying about this being real…” she murmurs, very softly, clearly thinking that I’ve fallen asleep, and there is such a knife-edge of menace in her voice that I lay there for a long, long time in her arms, even after her breathing has become low and regular and even, trying to will myself to fall asleep.

Continue with Part 18

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[sachigram]

Hearts Like Ours Chapter 12

((click here to read on ao3!!!))

The thing about Izaya is, he's nothing if not adaptable. Shizuo would probably make some crass comment about parasites adapting to harsh conditions to stay alive no matter what, and Izaya really wouldn't be able to refute it. Shizuo can have his finer intellectual moments, and Izaya really would do whatever it takes to stay alive because he's too afraid of an alternative.

He sighs wearily from under the hood covering his face. He's definitely been in this situation before, and having been kidnapped again certainly gives him a headache, but otherwise he's just annoyed. It's really not the most opportune time in his life for this, but Izaya left his apartment to clear his head, and he's always done his best thinking on his toes, after all.

“One of the most unpopular men in the city, and you walk around alone after dark,” an annoyingly familiar voice says. “Unwise, Izaya-san. You've grown sloppy in your hubris.”

“Living in fear is hardly living at all, right? Not that you're particularly scary, Watanabe-san. I was speaking metaphorically,” Izaya responds breezily. The noise of someone approaching him has him bracing himself for impact, and he isn't surprised when he's punched across the face.

“We should have gagged you, too.”

Izaya could point out they could have done a lot of things differently. They could have knocked him unconscious so he didn't know exactly how far he had been taken, could have been more subtle in their approach, could have announced their plans less...theatrically. Izaya isn't used to dealing with amateurs so seriously; it's not something he lowers himself to, but Junichi forced Izaya into this, and Izaya isn't one to play his cards until he's got a winning hand. He smiles.

“Why would you gag me when you want so desperately to hear what I've got to say?” Izaya asks. “You might as well take off the bag over my head, too. I hardly care where we are.”

“Might as well let you look at my face before I kill you,” Junichi agrees. He inhales, probably smoking a cigarette, from the sounds of it, and it reminds Izaya of Shizuo, even more so when he smells the scent wafting over him. Izaya blinks when the bag is removed, his eyes sensitive. He gets a good look at Junichi for the first time in a long while.

Junichi is on the shorter side, not that Izaya considers himself tall. What Junichi lacks in height, he makes up for in muscle, and on his arms and likely his torso are typical winding tattoos usually found on Yakuza members. Junichi might have been considered attractive at one point in time, but age hasn't been kind to him, and his hairline is receding almost comically. The lines on his face are even worse than the last time Izaya saw him, but then again Junichi has been through a great ordeal thanks to Izaya himself.

“You're looking well, Izaya-san,” Junichi says with a grin. He puts his thumb under Izaya's chin, swiping at the blood dribbling from Izaya's busted lip.

“Yeah? You look like shit,” Izaya says, still smiling, and Junichi laughs.

“So will you very soon. A pretty face won't do you much good here. None of my boys swing that way. Unlike you, right? You've been fucking around with that bartender.”

“He lost that job a long time ago, actually. I got him fired from it because it was funny. The two of us aren't exactly friends.”

“Trying to protect him, huh? Good plan, but it won't work. He's hardly left your side these last few months. You're really going to tell me he's been staying at your place and hasn't had his way with you yet?” Junichi crosses his arms and looks down, one of his bushy eyebrows raised in disbelief. “You've got a reputation for being a slut.”

“Oh, have I?” Izaya asks. In all honesty, sex has always bored him. It wasn't required to get what he wanted in his line of work, but he never said anything against the rumors that circulated around him. He's spent a lot of time behind closed doors with many higher ups, and if people thought he was being fucked, why did it matter? If anything it cemented him as someone powerful, someone who was important to the Awakusu-Kai and various other factions, even lowly color gangs rising by the day. Izaya never cared what they said about him so long as they knew he wasn't easily expendable.

“Yeah. You do. Gotta say, I do see the appeal in stuffing your mouth, but unfortunately I don't want your last moments to be enjoyable.” Junichi takes another drag on his cigarette and smiles before he reaches down and rubs the cigarette out against Izaya's hand. Izaya doesn't give him the satisfaction of flinching.

“A missed opportunity for you, I'm sure. I'm good with my tongue,” Izaya says, focusing on his anger and refusing to yield to the pain. This is nothing. He's been through worse and he'll go through worse still. He thinks briefly of the monster-like version of Shizuo with dead eyes that's been haunting his dreams, and he laughs because that version of Shizuo is so ridiculously inaccurate that Izaya can't believe he was ever frightened.

The human mind is funny like that.

His laughter earns him another punch, but all in all, it was worth it.

“So,” Izaya says, licking at the blood on his lip. His right eye will likely be swollen shut later, but he'll deal with that once it happens. “You decided to snatch me up and bring me to your...hovel. What's next? Are you going to reveal your tragic backstory and try to make me feel contrite for my actions? Because honestly, you've been pathetic until now, and I'd like to add more dimension to you for my own sake. Nothing in life is worse than being bored.”

“You really don't know how to shut up, do you?” Junichi leans down, putting his hands on the chair Izaya is tied to. He looks into Izaya's eyes, and the crazed glint is obvious, but Izaya is anything but afraid of him. “You think this is boring? I've got five guys outside this door who could tear you limb from limb without lifting a finger. I've got copies of your precious files from your personal desktop. I've got your sisters' school schedules and your little boyfriend is being paid a visit from some of my boys as we speak.”

“I'd be more concerned about these boys of yours, if I were you. Not just because of who you sent them after, but because referring to them as your boys is very creepy.”

Junichi glares at him, scrutinizing Izaya's face as if he's trying to decipher whether Izaya is truly afraid or not.

“Are you really this angry at me for getting you arrested? I've done it to Shizu-chan and he just tried to kill me outright, none of these silly games. Or is this about your nephew's death? You realize I wasn't even here when it happened. How could I have been involved?” Izaya asks. If Junichi truly wants to kill him, stalling for more time will be in vain, but Izaya doesn't think that's the case. Extremists always have a manifesto of some sort, and Izaya is literally a captive audience.

“You're always involved,” Junichi hisses. He pushes away from the chair and turns his back to Izaya, lighting another cigarette.  

“People assume I'm always involved, you mean. So you didn't get to blow up a building, so what? As if I'd go along with something like that. I don't like plans with no point to them, and if you truly knew me at all, you'd know the only side I'm on is my own, therefore betraying anyone is impossible.”

“You were involved!” Junichi snaps, whirling back around to face him. “I know you were! He died after I got out of going to prison, and you thought I hadn't suffered enough. You're involved with every gang in this city, and you think I believe you didn't send them after Ryu?”

“This paternal love of yours is truly sickening. As if you cared about that boy before he died. He only got involved with your schemes to impress you, and you never noticed him until he died for it. But it's easier to blame me, right? You can't own up to your own failures, and now—“ Izaya is struck once more, this time hard enough that he sees stars. Not good. He needs to stay conscious.

“Shut the fuck up, Izaya-san. Whatever you say now doesn't matter, don't you get it yet? I'm gonna make you suffer the way I have. You're going to lose everyone you care about and I'm gonna make you watch it happen.”

So this was the plan all along, then. Well. Izaya has to say, starting with Shinra was the obvious choice, because Shinra is a weak moron. But Junichi didn't include Celty, who defies all logic, into his plan, and of course Celty was the first person Shinra called after being stabbed. An incredibly powerful fairy bodyguard would scare anyone away from finishing the job.

As for his sisters, Izaya knows they've got their own means of protection. He keeps tabs on them at all times, and he has them trailed often, sometimes just for his own enjoyment because he knows they hate it. They also can hold their own in any fight. Izaya receives phone calls often from the academy because Mairu has been caught fighting and “terrorizing” other students. It makes him incredibly proud, though he's lectured her repeatedly on not being caught.

“If they're telling on you, you're not threatening them enough.” That's what he told her. She just rolled her eyes and told him he was a shitty brother.

And Shizuo... The idea that he could be done in by anyone in relation to this is laughable. Izaya is almost positive someone could drop a bomb directly on Shizuo, and he would survive just for the hell of it, not even knowing he almost died.

“Your plans could use a little polishing,” Izaya says after he spits out a mouthful of blood. “Then again, you haven't paid me to make them for you.”

Junichi merely grins at him, shaking his head.

“Bruised and bloody is a good look for you, Izaya-san.”

“Ah. I'll consider wearing it more often.”

Izaya watches Junichi pace around the room, likely waiting on a phone confirmation that Shizuo has been dealt with. Are they trying to kidnap him? Shoot him outright? Shizuo has been shot before and it barely fazed him, but if there are a lot of men, all with guns...? Izaya's stomach drops a bit. He doesn't want anything to happen to Shizuo because of this game he's been playing with Junichi. It's time to do something.

“So, you want me to suffer. The plan was to get rid of Shinra, set fire to my things, and then kill my sisters? But Shizu-chan was a wildcard here. You didn't expect him to be around, just like you didn't expect Celty to be there with Shinra. You're sloppy. Anyone who has ever spoken to Shinra knows about Celty, and as for Shizu-chan, I don't blame you there.” Izaya shrugs as best as he can. “He's always a wildcard. He messes up plans all the time.

“But even so, you haven't counted on so many things, like who exactly you're messing with here. Don't you know how dangerous it is to underestimate your opponents? Especially one so out of your league. I worried I was doing so to you, but then I remembered how stupid you are, and being here with you now has only solidified my suspicions. You're pathetically basic, Watanabe-san. Laughably so.”

“Oh yeah?” Junichi laughs, his grin wide and leering. His crazed eyes settle on Izaya. “And what have you got in store for me, Izaya-san? From your place tied up in that chair, it seems like you've been beaten already.”

“For starters, Shinra does business with the most dangerous men in this city, and he's made himself an asset for them. Shiki-san, in particular, found it in poor taste. I went directly to him upon my return and we negotiated some terms in dealing with you.”

“Bullshit. One of my guys was in that club when you sat with Shiki-san. He dismissed you. Heh, he called you a brat. I agreed with that.”

“As if that was our first meeting. We knew you had eyes on us, and I wanted you to believe Shiki-san didn't give a damn what happened to me. And truthfully, maybe he doesn't. But he likes my information, and he likes having Shinra around to tend to the injured, so it was bullheaded of you to overlook.”

“Where is he, then? If he's so invested in this, why the fuck isn't he here to save you and stop me?”

“Something else,” Izaya continues, “your little fire in my apartment. I had my secretary back up all my files onto her personal computer once I realized you were tragically obsessed with me. I kept the old, unimportant ones for you to peruse, and I allowed the fire to be set. I was on the couch, after all. Really, did you think I would be asleep with my door unlocked? Shizu-chan always forgets to lock it, because he's not used to being stalked. It's how I always got into his place before!”

It's clear Junichi doesn't buy it.

“So you were awake and you laid there while your things burned? You expect me to believe that?”

“I don't care if you do or not. It served its purpose, which was you thinking you had the upper hand, and as an added bonus, it made Shizu-chan more protective. With him hanging around, you'd hardly have the gall to attack me physically.” Izaya grins widely, remembering how it felt to be picked up and held tenderly by Shizuo that first time. He felt invincible.

“You're out of your mind, Izaya-san. I knew that already of course, but I don't know which is worse, you actually allowing all these things to happen to yourself, or you being desperate enough to lie about it to have me believe you're some untouchable god. I think you're a liar, and I think you're crazy enough to believe your own bullshit half the time.” Junichi moves closer, his hand reaching into his pocket. “Should have done this from the beginning. I'm gonna gag you so I don't have to listen to you anymore. Whatever it is you think, Izaya-san, you're still here, helpless. You've lost.”

Izaya can't help it. He laughs. Of all the ridiculous concepts, all the things he's gotten himself into, this takes the cake. He was just so bored before, and Junichi really is fun to mess with. But like all his toys, Izaya is tired of him now.

Oh well. Not everyone can occupy him like Shizuo. It's too much to ask of anyone.

“About that,” Izaya says, his arm stretched out in front of himself in an instant, the gleam of a knife at Junichi's throat, “next time you kidnap someone, maybe disarm them properly. And don't use rope, you has-been. Don't you know they're a relic?”

Junichi's face goes through a myriad of expressions, settling on fury. Izaya keeps the knife at Junichi's throat, reaching down with his other hand and cutting the ropes that bind him to the chair and the rope around his ankles.

“I've been kidnapped before, you know? Is this your first time holding someone captive?” Izaya laughs as he stands up, his back popping from his prior position. “How cute. Unfortunately, I'm the more experienced party here, so let me take the lead, ne?”

“So you were just fucking with me?” Junichi asks. He seems lost for a moment before his narrow. “You won't kill me. You don't have the balls.”

Izaya doesn't dignify that with an answer. He throws his knife directly down into Junichi's foot, another in his hand as soon as the first one left it. Junichi doubles over in pain, blood pouring from his injury, and when he looks up again, his eyes are full of malice.

“I told you already that you were beneath me,” Izaya says, leaning down to better look Junichi in the face. “You wanted to lecture me about hubris and not getting involved in things I don't understand, but here you are, at my feet where you belong.”

“I'm going to kill you,” Junichi hisses at him, spitting at Izaya's feet. “You hear me? If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to make that pretty face of yours twist in agony. You'll beg me for forgiveness as I take everything away from you, and my face will be the last thing you see.”

“A fate worse than death, truly, having to look at you in my final moments.” Izaya shrugs. “You really are cruel. I'll keep your threat in mind.”

“FUCK you!”

Izaya winces, narrowing his eyes. “Ah. I hate being yelled at.”

From his peripheral, he sees the door in the corner opening, some of Junichi's thugs gazing inside from all the racket. One of them lifts a gun, pointing it at Izaya while the rest of them trip over themselves trying to get inside and help their boss. Izaya runs for it, finding a pillar to duck behind. Where is he? An abandoned building? He looks around, thinking of how far he was driven, what around this area could be used as a hideout. He didn't see which direction they drove off in, but from the distance he supposes he's either in the old hospital scheduled to be demolished in a few weeks, or the local school that was recently shut down because a newer, better version was built instead a few blocks over. From the look of things, it's likely the hospital, as it seems unkempt and like it hasn't been cleaned in ages, and his suspicions are confirmed when he looks up at the pillar he's hiding behind, a sign above his head saying which direction the cardiovascular ward is in and which direction leads to the lobby.

“What to do...” Izaya muses to himself. He can keep running, try to make it out, but there are likely more men stationed at every exit. Jumping from the window could work, but he'd really rather refrain from keeping this charade going any longer. Still, he's outnumbered, and Izaya is quick on his feet, but not much use in an actual fight.

As he's deliberating, he hears a wrenching noise, and then some confused screaming. He blinks, gripping his knife tightly before he's peering out from behind the pillar. It's suddenly eerily silent, and it puts him on edge.

The sight he's greeted with is as comical as it is bizarre. Celty stands with her scythe drawn, some shadows binding the arms and legs of the men who were chasing him. At her feet is Junichi, who is being stared down by Shizuo, who is holding a door above him, threatening to crash down over Junichi's head. Behind them is...Shinra?

“Where the fuck is Izaya?! Tell me before I bash your fucking brains in!” Shizuo roars.

“He's over there! Over there!” Junichi is practically sobbing, pointing in Izaya's direction. “I barely touched him!”

“You expect me to believe you? HAH?! You send some goons after me to shoot at me, and you think I'll believe a goddamn word you say?!”

“Shizu-chan!” Izaya calls, stepping out so Shizuo can see him. He gets a good look at Shizuo, who appears to be bleeding profusely from his abdomen.

“Izaya!” Shizuo tosses the door down and leaves Celty to deal with Junichi as he sprints to where Izaya is. His relieved expression shifts to anger as he looks Izaya over. “He did this to you?”

“Did...? Oh.” Izaya remembers his own injuries. “I'm fine. Did you get shot?”

“Yeah. Real pain in the ass. Some guys showed up outside your building and shot at me. I beat their faces in and got this location from one of them before he passed out. I figured you were in danger.” Shizuo reaches out, fingers the bruises on Izaya's face, his eyes hard. “You're okay?”

“I'm not the one bleeding everywhere.” Izaya looks over to Shinra and Celty. “You really brought the whole cavalry. All for me? I'm touched.”

“I'm pissed the fuck off,” Shizuo growls. “Why do you have to get into shit like this all the time?”

“Isn't it fun to never be bored, Shizu-chan?” Izaya asks playfully, and he matches Shizuo's intensity when their lips clash together, Shizuo lifting him easily and devouring his mouth in a hungry, almost sinful way.

“You crazy bastard. Fuck you, making me worry. I'd kick your ass if I thought it'd do any good,” Shizuo huffs between kisses.

“You still could. Who knows, maybe I'd be into it?” Izaya smirks against Shizuo's mouth when Shizuo growls at him in warning.

“Oh, look! I knew it, Celty! They're a real pair of lovebirds now!” Shinra announces in a chipper voice. Izaya and Shizuo separate to glare at him. Celty is politely looking away, her posture seemingly bashful.

“Why are you here, Shinra? What good are you in a situation like this?” Izaya asks. He reaches his hand out to curl into Shizuo's hair, tugging lightly, and Shizuo hums at the contact.

“Every team needs a doctor!” Shinra says, flailing his arms a bit. “Besides, Shizuo-kun asked Celty and I both for help in dealing with you!”

“It was really more of your knowledge of where Junichi-san was,” Shizuo grumbles at him, carrying Izaya over. He kicks at Junichi's tied up body, rolling him over so they can look into his wide eyes. “What do we do with him now?”

“Hand him over to Shiki-san. He can deal with the dirty work.” Izaya hops out of Shizuo's arms and leers at Junichi. “I wasn't lying when I said Shiki-san had plans for you. You've really made him angry. Our agreement was that I'd lure you out, and here you are.”

“Izaya-kun, please don't tell me you've planned all this,” Shinra says with a frown. “Of course, I'd expect nothing less from you, but I really thought you'd learned at least one lesson about meddling in affairs.”

“I didn't plan any of it,” Izaya says breezily. “I'm just an informant, Shinra. I don't know why you paint me as some sort of mastermind. Look at my face! It's bruised and bloody. What mastermind lets themselves get beaten up?”

Shizuo is glaring at him openly, his expression saying exactly what he thinks of that explanation.

“Would you believe that I only planned a little of it?” Izaya amends.

“Don't do stuff like this by yourself anymore,” Shizuo says. “You could've died.”

“Ah, Shizu-chan, are you my partner in crime now?” Izaya taunts.

“Something like that. If I have to be.”

“Ahaha, Izaya-kun! Your face is priceless!” Shinra laughs until he doubles over from Celty's fist meeting his side.

Sorry about him.

Izaya glances at the typed message before returning Shizuo's steady gaze. Somehow, he has someone who cares this much about him and his antics, so much so that Shizuo roped Celty and Shinra into saving Izaya, who really isn't used to being saved. He could have gotten out of this alone, but having others is...easier.

“I'll tone down the theatrics, alright?” Izaya says, finally looking away from Shizuo's dark eyes.

“Damn straight. This could've been over months ago if you'd just told me where the crazy fucker was,” Shizuo says.

“There's no fun in that, Shizu-chan. You've got no eye for the finer details.”

“I'll leave those to you.”

Izaya laughs, shaking his head. He doesn't hesitate in taking Shizuo's hand when it nudges against his own.

“What a team we'll make, then.”

[resistancepilotfinn]

lengthy spoiler-y tlj thoughts that can be summarized thusly - i didn’t love it, or even really like it, but i didn’t HATE it either and if you added up all the things i loved and added up all the things i didn’t like, the things i loved would outnumber what i didn’t like. it’s just what i didn’t like was so much worse than what i liked was good, if that makes sense.

things i loved

the opening with poe on space speaker phone with hux was so funny and perfectly in character (”yes i’m on hold for general hux” “can he not hear me??” “tell him the general has a very important message...about his mother.”)

i knew paige would probably die to motivate rose into action because that’s a trope that itself refuses to die, but i’m glad she got to go out as a big damn hero taking out an entire dreadnought singlehandedly.

everything involving bb-8 was so much fun and him in that walker was so completely ridiculous i couldn’t help but love it.

i’ve seen people complaining about it, but most of the humor actually worked for me. there were some really notable exceptions that i’ll get to though (much like the rest of the movie, the bad stuff is just so much worse than the good stuff is good).

i loved that even though they were apart for the whole movie, finn and rey’s relationship was still central to their characters (when they were allowed to be their characters at least). finn asking about her and always making sure someone had the beacon and kept it safe so she could find them. rey thinking about him on the island and asking chewie to tell him something for her if she didn’t make it. their hug at the end. all great. these little moments were when the film had the most heart and it’s really a shame that rian kept them apart for the whole thing.

the parts where rey was, y’know, actually rey were awesome. like her following luke around and refusing to leave him alone or when she literally reaches out and luke messes with her with that plant and tells her its the force and she’s like “really????” i wish we could’ve gotten more stuff like that from them. the running gag of her fucking shit up on the island and the fish bird nuns getting pissed about it was also fun. and i loved her in the falcon on crait with her little “woo! i like this!” mirroring finn in tfa. there was also a really cute blink and you miss it bit with rain dripping off the falcon and her splashing her hand in it with a little smile. her reunion with bb-8 was adorable and i liked that they included the little meeting between her and poe that was cut from tfa. her final conversation with leia would’ve worked better if she’d had more of a connection with luke but it was still nice to see two women having a conversation about restoring hope and the resistance (would’ve been nice if rose were there too and not on the verge of death).

rey literally closing the door in kylo’s face 

leia using the force to FLOAT THROUGH SPACE. yeah it was cheesy and more than a little unbelievable but goddamn what a beautiful image. i’m gonna make it my desktop background the second there’s an hd leak

in the few moments she wasn’t completely ooc, rey’s interactions with kylo were kinda interesting. i actually liked the part where she was telling him she didn’t understand how he could grow up in a loving family and turn out to be a fucking murderer and kill his father. and also how annoyed she was getting with their little mind-skype sessions. i wish we could have had more of that and less of...whatever the rest of it was. i even liked their joint fight against the praetorian guards tbh.

“finn? naked? leaking bag? did you fry a circuit or something?”

“don’t you have a towel or something to put on??” a mood.

“you were always scum.” “rebel scum.”

when he was actually in character, finn was badass like always. i liked that he knew just as much as rose did regarding tech. his fight with phasma was also great, even though it was way too short. his entire arc was kind of redundant of tfa but it was really touching to see him ready to sacrifice himself for a cause because he believed in it and not just for a person even though i was terrified they might actually kill him off and i’m incredibly grateful they didn’t. he’s such a good man i love him so much.

i want one of the secret rebel logo rings

almost everything that came out of leia’s mouth was so emotional considering carrie’s gone. as was her reunion with luke(ish). the whole “is anyone ever really gone” thing really hit me hard, as did the whole “how can we keep going?” “we have everything we need” bit with rey.

even though i had some issues with her actual story, i loved holdo. laura dern was fantastic. her final conversation with leia was so good, especially when they stumbled awkwardly over saying “may the force be with you.” it was so heartwarming to see laura dern getting to say that line after hearing her tell stories of being such a big fan throughout the press tour. you could really feel the love from her (which was nice because you couldn’t really feel it from anyone else this time and i don’t blame them at all). 

i LOVED seeing billie lourde get to do more and i really hope she gets to step into an even bigger role in 9.

i love poe dameron and his ride or die attitude toward the resistance. i know some people had problems with his story and i did to a degree, mostly from other characters, but i also thought it worked to develop him a bit and make him more three dimensional. which i think was the intent for all the characters, it just really only worked for him.

i loved seeing so many women in leadership roles in the resistance. i’ll be interested in seeing the dialogue/gender breakdown. 

the porgs were perfect and amazing and did nothing wrong ever in their lives

the vulptices were perfect and amazing and did nothing wrong ever in their lives and deserve every bit the merchandising extravaganza the porgs received 

yoda finally admitting the jedi were kinda fucked up and needed to start fresh so he blew up the force tree himself when luke hesitated. also i laughed really hard at “page turners they were not” re: the jedi texts

also “we are what they grow beyond” was a great line that this movie did not deserve

luke’s reunion with artoo was everything i wanted it to be except it wasn’t nearly long enough. seeing the old recording of leia from anh made me so emotional even though i agree with luke that it was a cheap shot (i laughed so hard at that line) but i don’t care.

“SACRED island watch your language.”

poe in his x-wing blowing stuff up

resistance pilot tallie and her little salute before getting blown up

rose removing the saddle from the big-eared space horse and saying that would make getting caught worth it. as a big ol animal lover myself, that was when i connected with her the most even though it was cheesy as hell.

luke skywalker and his astral projection. that whole bit was amazing. LOVED when he emerged from that cloud and dusted off his perfectly clean cloak. this scene, the scene with leia, the bit where he messed with rey, and the scene with artoo were the only times he really felt like luke skywalker and i thoroughly enjoyed them all.

i am actually surprisingly okay with the ending of luke skywalker’s story (mostly because i feel like it’s not really an ending) but...

things i did not like

it just didn’t feel earned in the context of this movie.

while the increased number of women in important roles was great, there’s no reason they almost all had to be white except rose. there’s also no reason almost all of them had to die. it was especially gross to see so many woc on screen only to have them die a second later with little or no dialogue. also not a fan of rose ending the film unconscious and on the brink of death.

speaking of rose, that kiss with finn at the end was super awkward and came out of nowhere. there was no indication anywhere in their plot that she was developing feelings for him outside of a little hero worship at the beginning. it also made her big heroic moment about him and not her coming into her own as her own hero (something she unfortunately shares with rey which i’ll get to in a bit). also did not like how they had her zap him at the beginning either. did not like it at all. 

in fact i did not like how they used finn as a punching bag in general. i know john’s great at physical comedy and an instance or two would’ve been fine-ish but the stuff they did to him went way too far, especially since so much of it was straight up physical abuse meant to be “funny,” like “haha look at this black man stumbling around and getting zapped and hurt in really exaggerated ways.” it was gross. i also HATED how they had hux slap him. do they not know how that looked??? a white nazi stand-in slapping a black man on his knees in front of him???? no one took five seconds to be like “hey rian this is a terrible idea”? or did someone actually try to explain to him how racist this was and he just didn’t care? 

for that matter, i also hated when leia shot poe and how it was played for laughs as well. there was far too much abuse against poc being played for laughs. this is something people have to deal with every day in real life and it isn’t fuckin funny to sit in a theater and see it treated like a joke. i just saw someone say how when finn fell in the stable there was a pile of shit near him which i didn’t even notice and what the actual hell and fuck rian?

speaking of finn, i was willing to give the actual movie a shot before i made my own comments about him being sidelined in the movie and in the marketing because it kind of seemed like they were keeping the resistance story under wraps and marketing is bullshit 90% of the time anyway but...his and rose’s plotline really felt like such an afterthought. i mean overall i liked well enough if you remove all the gross shit and i love finn and i grew to like rose a lot, but there is absolutely no reason they couldn’t have included more of it in the marketing or even treated it with one iota of respect in the actual film.

actually one of my biggest complaints is that both finn AND rey felt like afterthoughts in their own story. finn was on this random side quest that ultimately didn’t matter anyway since they failed because benicio del toro benicio del toro’d them and rey was literally only there to service kylo’s story in a really ooc way. i get that snoke was the one behind their connection and that he was manipulating the way rey interpreted everything but it just didn’t work for me because there’s no reason to believe snoke is that all powerful and tfa set rey up to have a strong mind that can withstand that stuff so that entire aspect of the story just did not work so it makes rey act out of character. even if he was just manipulating and using her naive hopefulness and faith in people, that should have been, y’know, addressed. i’m pretty sure what we were supposed to get was not only kylo growing to fully embrace his role as a villain, but finn and rey paralleling this journey and fully embracing their roles as heroes. and we got the kylo part....but finn was just given the same exact character arc as tfa instead of having that arc expanded upon and rey was....there. 

everyone calling kylo a “boy” or “child” - HE’S A THIRTY YEAR OLD MAN

continued criminal under-use of gwendoline christie and lupita nyong’o

rey’s parentage stuff was so anticlimactic. i could so easily have gotten behind rey being a nobody from nowhere that comes from nothing stepping into the role of a legendary hero if had been handled even remotely well but it wasn’t. it was all about kylo and ended up just being about him manipulating her so he could go through his own character arc. the scene in the cave should have been about rey confronting the reality that her parents were garbage and she was responsible for her own self and she’s turned out great despite the deck being stacked against her not about kylo still having good in him or whatever the fuck, which again, i know that was snoke planting those seeds and kylo manipulating her but since they were never actually addressed...just like during that last confrontation with kylo, it should have been about rey coming to terms with everything, including the painful realization that having blind faith and hope in people doesn’t always work out (luke even says “this isn’t going to go the way you think”!!) but that entire thread was just left hanging.

speaking of hanging threads, wtf happened with the students kylo vanished with??? are they the knights of ren? where were they during this mess? why were these students never mentioned again???? what’s going on????

there are SO MANY inconsistencies with tfa that i can’t believe disney actually pays for a story group and apparently refuses to let them actually do their job. like, how are rey’s parents dead on jakku if we see them taking off in a ship and rey crying out for them to come back (fwiw i think kylo was lying at least a little about her parents - i’m not convinced they were just drunks who sold her off especially since she’s never actually been a slave). why were the knights of ren at the massacre in rey’s vision but apparently not in tlj’s version of the events??? why does leia suddenly know her son is already gone when she just sent han to bring him home because she still felt good in him two days ago???? why were luke and rey on the verge of tears upon seeing each other on that island only to have like ONE positive interaction and no real relationship to speak of??????

the ending with those kids in canto bight was stupid. this is the first star wars movie that didn’t end on a skywalker in some way and i hated it.

NO ONE SAID “I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS”

things i never want to think about again

shirtless kylo

monster tiddy milk

it’s interesting because i have friends that both really liked tlj and friends that completely and utterly hated it, and friends like me that just....don’t know what to think. basically i think i feel like the movie had its moments but it was so bogged down by racist and misogynist bullshit that it’s hard to muster the enthusiasm needed to watch it again and enjoy all those moments i enjoyed. i guess the question is if someone handed you a bag full of shit and told you that there was a handful of gold nuggets mixed in with it, would you sift through the shit to get to them or just be comfortable with the knowledge that they’re in there and wait two years hoping you get a bag with just the gold nuggets in it?

[notsoguiltykpop]

The Tenth Floor pt 1

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader & Taehyung x Reader

Min Yoongi had gone through 34 secretaries in the past 24 months, and each one of them left in tears. This fact alone should have warned you against taking the job, but the pay was too good to pass up. Surely you could put up with a billionaires temper-tantrums, right?

Genre: Fluff, humor, probably some angst

Warnings: Strong language, smut talked about/implied, some dark themes

Part 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

You certainly looked the part. Dress slacks, light-blue blouse, a blazer with the sleeves rolled up once. You were even wearing heels, much to your distaste. You had bought your slacks at a consignment store cheap, and they fit other than the length. You planned to either have them hemmed or buy new ones as soon as you got your first pay check, but for now you would have to survive without practical shoes.

The elevator you were standing in was basically a box of mirrors, and everywhere you looked you saw yourself. It was a little disconcerting, so you tried to focus on your phone. You felt the elevator stop, and you glanced up at the numbers on the wall. You were only on the fifth floor, so you guessed someone else must be going up as well.

You were right, and watched as two young men stepped into the elevator with you. The taller of the two gave you a smile as the other almost pressed the button for the tenth floor, noticed it was already lit up, and dropped his hand.

“You must be the new secretary.” He commented, and you raised your eyebrows.

“Yeah, how did you—“

“We know everyone on the tenth floor.” The taller man replied. “My name’s Seokjin, by the way.” He held out his hand for you to shake.

“Nice to meet you.” You said, giving them both a smile. “I look forward to getting to know you both.”

“Don’t count on it.” The second man snorted.

Seokjin shot the other man a look, and hit his arm lightly. “Jimin, don’t scare the girl off on her first day.” Jimin shrugged, unperturbed.

“What do you mean, ‘don’t count on it’?” You asked, and Jimin smiled.

“I mean, you won’t be around long enough to get to know us.” He looked over to Seokjin. “I’d give her a week, tops.”

Seokjin sighed. “Such a pessimist.” He chided before sizing you up. “She’ll last a month.”

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk about me like I wasn’t here.” You huffed. “Are you saying you think I’ll quit? Because I certainly don’t plan on it.”

“Oh my dear girl.” Seokjin smiled sympathetically at you, placing a hand on your shoulder. “No one plans to quit. Yoongi is one of my closest friends, so I say this in the most loving way possible, but he’s unbearable at best and bat-shit crazy at worst.”

Jimin cackled, and the elevator bing-ed as it passed the eighth floor. “I’ll bet you ten thousand that she quits within two weeks.” He said to Seokjin, and the taller grinned.

“Oh? So now you think she’ll last longer than a week?”

Jimin shrugged. “She’s got an attitude, so she’ll stick around out of pride. But she’s also going to drive Yoongi up the wall, so he’ll be that much worse to her. Two weeks.”

Seokjin shook his head. “Look how she’s standing. She means business, and she knows what she’s in for. She’s prepared. Two months.”

“I am still standing here.” You said pointedly, folding your arms.

“Irritated easily and doesn’t wear practical shoes.” Jimin hummed. “Still think she’ll last a month?”

Seokjin clicked his tongue. “So she has fashion sense, remind me how that’s a bad thing?”

The doors opened to the tenth floor and the two of them stepped out still arguing how long you were going to last. As you started to follow, Seokjin stopped suddenly and turned to face you.

“Good luck, by the way.” He waved.

“You’ll need it.” Jimin said seriously.

Yoongi’s office wasn’t hard to find, the huge double doors and name plate stood out from the elevator, and you made your way past desks and the people sitting at them to stand in front of it.

Taking a deep breath, you smoothed your blazer before knocking on the door twice.

“Come in.” A voice called from inside, and you opened the door and stepped inside.

“Hello, Mr. Min, my name is—“

“Coffee.” The man sitting behind the desk has bleached-blonde hair that was perfectly styled to one side, who looked far too young to be a multi-billionaire. He didn’t so much as look up from the papers he was pouring over, but snapped his fingers impatiently.

“Beg your pardon?” You said, slightly taken aback.

“My coffee, are you deaf?”

“No, I just—“ You started.

“Do you know what time it is?”

“What?” You said, dumbfounded.

“You said you weren’t deaf. What time is it?”

You glanced at your watch. “Seven forty-five.” You said. You were early, technically you weren’t supposed to be there until eight, but you didn’t want to risk being late on your first day.

“So where the hell is my coffee?” He didn’t sound terribly annoyed, but you got the feeling that could change at any moment.

“I’ll… Go get you some.” You said after only a second. You left the office rather hurriedly, pulling the door closed behind yourself before realizing you had no idea how he even liked his coffee. You walked over to the coffee station anyway, unwilling to risk making your new boss mad by re-entering the office without his coffee.

“He likes cream and sugar.” A voice said from behind you, and you turned to see Jimin.

“Thanks.” You said, shocked that he would offer to help, but relieved none the less.

“No problem. He’s really picky about his coffee.” Jimin patted your shoulder before walking away, and when you returned to Yoongi’s office you were feeling slightly more confident. Surely all Yoongi needed was a cup of coffee and he would be in a better mood for you to properly introduce yourself.

You set the mug on his desk and he picked it back up without even looking. His desk was a mess, papers everywhere, pens littered the floor, and both the desktop computer screen and his laptop were covered in sticky-notes. How he found anything was beyond you, and you watched as his elbow knocked a folder to the floor without his even noticing.

Yoongi took one sip of the coffee and made a face, spitting the liquid back into the mug and making a gagging noise as he did so.

“The fuck is this?” He finally looked up at you, a scowl on his face. “The fuck are you?”

“Your new secretary.” You stated plainly. Part of you was irritated that Jimin had apparently lied about how Yoongi liked his coffee, and another part felt dumb for believing him.

“What happened to Jessica?” He blinked at you.

“I believe you fired her a week and a half ago.” You said. Jessica was actually how you found out about the job. She had been ranting to you about how horrible it was and what a relief it was to be done with the job when you realized that if she was fired, the company must be hiring.

Yoongi stared off into space for a moment. “Oh, yeah.” He said, then shook his head. “She was unbelievably annoying, always humming to herself…”

You resisted the urge (barely) to defend your friend and kept your face neutral. “Well I don’t hum, so we should get along just fine.” You smiled, and Yoongi rolled his eyes.

“I have a meeting in a few minutes. While I’m gone, I expect you to get this mess cleaned up. And from now on, don’t put cream in my coffee, it’s disgusting.”

“Will do.” You said, already feeling the beginnings of irritation prickling at the back of your mind.

Yoongi turned his attention back to the mess of papers on his desk. “Why are you still here?”

“Sorry?”

Yoongi sighed deeply and looked up at you slowly. “Coffee. Now.”

It was a struggle to keep the smile plastered to your face as you closed the office door behind yourself, you were determined to make this job work. You couldn’t afford for it not to, if you were honest with yourself. Jimin was waiting near the coffee station, and greeted you with a wicked smile.

“Welcome to the tenth floor.” He saluted you before walking away, and you knew that Yoongi wasn’t going to be the only difficult person to deal with.

A/N I’m back from the dead! Sorry I’ve been gone for so long... I don’t know what this is, but I’ve been so stressed and sick lately I’ve lost my inspiration to write my other stories. Hopefully this will get me back into the swing of things and I can get back to them soon! Thank you so much for reading! And as always, let me know what you think! <3 

[mysidewriting]

Through the Storm

Note: Here is a nice long chapter with some mild angst c: (Also, I guess I never said this before, but this is like a novel length story... In case anyone was wondering. I don't write short stories very frequenly haha) From the Start --> Previous Chapter

Chapter Eleven

She's busy. She's busy. She's fine. She's just busy.

I paced the room, too anxious to sit still. Just because Moon hadn't replied or picked up my calls did not mean she was in danger. It'd only been an hour and that charizard Hau was talking about was here in Alola, not Johto. Clearly, whoever was sending these assailants out didn't realize where Moon was. Didn't realize that they had already reached her in Kanto.

What are they trying to do to the champions? Catch them or kill them? A sharp pain cut through my chest at the thought and I repeatedly told myself that no, Moon isn't going to be killed. There was no reason to be so anxious right now, there hadn't been a sighting in Johto at all.

Moon is reliable. She's strong and can handle almost anything by herself. She'd be fine even if there was danger.

It was probably just that solid confirmation that someone was after the champions, and specifically Moon, that was bothering me so much. I sucked in a long breath in an attempt to relax, running my hands through my hair as I let it go. I couldn't help but feel caged. Land locked despite the fact that I wasn't on land to begin with. If I could check on her things would be fine...

The annoyance over the physical distance between myself and one of the most important people to me was slowly turning into a growing hatred for it. With how horrid things had turned, all I wanted was to be able to check on her and assure she wasn't locked under the weight of some brain washed beast. Relying on cell phones for that was far less than satisfactory.

I quickly sent a text off to Hau, asking if that charizard had left or not. If it was still hanging around the mountains then I would head out there myself. It would possibly be useful to see how the beasts acted... and it would give silvally a chance to get out.

The door to the office opened and Wicke stepped in, folding up a sheet of continuous stationary and setting it on my desk. She jumped as she turned and saw me at the opposite corner of the room.

"Oh! Apologies, sir. I thought you had stepped out for a moment." She picked the sheet up again and handed it to me, "the scan finished, here are the results."

Nothing on the list was familiar to me, I could tell practically all of it was simplified down to the bare ingredients for the destructive device. I thanked Wicke before setting the sheet back down on my desk, pulling up a browser on the computer and readying to start research on each material.

"I overheard that a charizard was at the league?" Wicke stated, making my stomach cringe at the fact that the information had already spread to her. "Would you like to put more focus onto this project sir? Faba is likely able to take over more of your assignments."

Yeah, I'm sure he's eager too. "Not yet, Wicke. Thank you for the suggestion though." I span to her, "Do you know if the charizard is still on Lanikala?"

She shook her head, "I do not."

I groaned glancing towards the stack of paperwork on the table that I had skillfully avoided touching since the collar had come in. Too worried about what felt more important to me. "I may go check it out."

She nodded. "Please feel free to, sir."

I thanked her once again and she took her leave. After the sound of her clicking heels had resided I sat at the desk and started going through the list. Scratching down whatever information I could find underneath each entry, the process was slow but beneficial. Only highly specific items did not show up in search results.

Eventually Hau got back to me, saying that Kukui had the charizard caged and was trying to make sense of its aggression and the device it wore. I quickly announced my choice to investigate the situation as well to both Hau and the women at the front desk, then called silvaly down for an outing.

Silvally's growl echoed through the expansive room, circling slowly around the cage that held the rouge charizard. The beast behind the bars spit flames towards my Pokémon, the psychic barrier that Hau's raichu had placed on the cage deflected the fire.

"Why would it be after Moon?" Kukui asked, standing next to me with his arms crossed over his bare chest. His face was contorted up in confusion, his eyes expressing his own concern for the situation. "The girl doesn't have a single bad bone in her body."

Hau, who was also circling the cage with his raichu and silvally, paused to nod with Kukui's statement. "Is it just because she's powerful?"

"It's because she's the champion." I grumbled, watching the beast behind the bars stir and turn with my friend’s movements. The collar on its neck flashing. "Three other champions were attacked recently as well. All charizard's with black collars."

"She was with the Kanto champion when it happened by him." Hau said joining the three of us near a large screen that was attempting to trace charizard's nesting place based off markings on its skin.

Kukui tapped a finger to his chin, humming as he thought over things. The charizard roared behind us and silvally mirrored the noise with more ferocity. The flamed dragon lowered its self close to the cage floor, intimidated. I shot a grin to my Pokémon as it looked to me for approval excitedly, I bit back a laugh as it hopped around the cage - happy to see it had done well. The raichu floating around the top of the cage looked confused to see silvally moving like that.

"Have either of you heard from Moon since the charizard got here?" Kukui asked.

Hau shook his head and my stomach clenched as I spoke up, "I tried to call her, but she didn't answer."

Kukui's mouth pressed into a thin line, "Well that's no good." The screen finally flashed, processing its results and showing the exact location of the charizard's homeland - some small cave in the Hoenn region. Further statistics claimed that 15 other charmander had been hand bred in the area at the same time. Leading me to believe all the assailants had come from the same litter of babies.

I jotted down a note of the information on my phone. Figuring it would be further useful evidence for my collar research. A lot of the materials I had identified this far had also been from the Hoenn region. I doubted it could be coincidence, it was highly likely that the base of operations was located in the island region somewhere. Hau hovered over my shoulder as I took notes, he followed every time I tried to step away until I finally shot him a glare.

"Sorry. I just want to help." He said with a sheepish grin.

"Hanging over my shoulder and reading my notes isn't helping." I snapped, I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "Why don't you try calling Moon?"

I didn't want to think that he'd have better luck with her answering - since that would mean she was actually avoiding my calls for some reason... but anything out of her would be better than this silence.

He grinned and quickly pulled out his phone, calling her and staring up at the ceiling with an expectant gaze. I tried to pretend I wasn't waiting so expectantly as well, for my own selfish reasons, but I was listening intently to the quiet sound of ringing on his speaker.

Kukui had moved to the computer to try to pull up more information about the charizard while it was caged and mostly controlled. Researching the exact spot the tests had shown the beast to be from and trying to pull up names. I watched the large screen as multiple desktops flashed across, scanning through thousands of results faster than I could even read the browser's title. I wished I'd had similar technology back in my office, but this was the type of stuff that only league's had and could afford.

"She won't answer." Hau complained, looking defeated over it.

My stomach churned, making me feel sick. She wasn't ignoring me, sure... but it'd been hours since I'd tried to get a hold of her with no response. The anxiety I'd felt earlier was starting to build up in my gut again, my longing to just fucking go to Johto increasing.

Kukui turned, "Well she's a strong kid, so I'm sure she's fine."

She's fine. I repeated the phrase in my head like a mantra as I noted whatever information was compiled on Kukui's screen from his search.

"Keep me updated on any information you find, Gladion." Kukui said with a sympathetic smile on his face - I felt my face flush, momentarily worried I was speaking my thoughts rather than keeping them to myself.

I nodded, agreeing that I would send him anything I found. Hau asked the same and I extended the courtesy to him as well.

We removed the collar from the charizard. Hau averted his eyes as I explained the needle that was used to manipulate the Pokémon. Kukui struggled and gagged as he pulled the thing out, squeamish of the blood and the sound of pain the charizard made. Once that brutal moment had passed I decided to bring the charizard back to Aether with me, wrapping its neck in bandaging and giving it special space to heal and recollect its shattered mind. I empathized with it for some odd reason... maybe because it was a harmless being forced to do horrid things to survive... Nothing I'd experienced had been that extreme, but I could certainly feel a relation with the injured beast.

I hovered near the area it had been provided for a while, observing its behavior while it got use to its new environment. Silvally sat at my feet, clearly enjoying the time it had with me while it could. I stroked its head, focusing on the feeling of its feathered neck rather than the anxious thoughts swirling through my head and the all too silent phone in my pocket.

I brought silvally back up to my office with me, letting it lay on the couch that was covered in pillows and blankets. I worked through the list, taking care to find as much info about each piece as possible.

It hit 1 am by the time I'd finished with all the items on the list. Nearly everything, save for two or three items, was from Hoenn. The wiring specifically was able to be traced back to a certain plant in a seaside town of the region, some electronics plant that was well known for devices such as the one in question. I wished I knew people in the region so I could have them investigate the plant, ask questions to the administrators, and just attempt to make further progress. But sadly, I knew no one out there. Although Moon was due to switch to the region soon I couldn't put her in the position to investigate when she was the target.

I couldn't stop here. All this research and progress had to surmount to something, hopefully the end of the whole issue. I let myself recline backwards and observe the full screen of results, the exact address of the electronics factory and the notes on where the charizard were bred.

Maybe the next step was going to Hoenn for myself. It would give me a chance to see Moon, more than likely. I couldn't hold back the grin that spread across my face at the thought. Two months away was grueling, even just five minutes with her would be such a relief to me.

Speaking of her...I checked my phone, concerned to see that she still hadn't reached out whatsoever. There was no way she wouldn't see all my missed calls and texts and she'd never been one to let things hang like that. Maybe her phone is dead...?

A long sigh left my mouth, she would get back to me when she had the chance too. There was no use in worrying over it for an extended amount of time. She'd call me later in the night, or tomorrow at some point and it'd be like nothing had happened at all.

After sending a quick email of the results off to Kukui, and an abrupt text to Hau to ask for his email address, I stood from the desk and coaxed silvally to head to the conservation deck with me. I'd been so distracted with the charizard stuff that I'd basically blown off all my work for the foundation. Apparently Faba had taken some of the work over while I was away - meaning I hadn't set anything too far back.

I checked with the employees on the deck to see what had been and had not been completed on my task list. The only thing that remained was a routine check up on some of the clinical patients in the infirmary - something I had to be there for considering the critical conditions of the Pokémon. I apologized for making the employees wait so long for me and hastened through the check up as much as possible so they could leave. Silvally wandered behind us, carefully avoiding the shy and injured Pokémon. I realized I should have told it to wait in its own space but hadn't thought of it beforehand.

The employees went home and I wandered off with silvally to its sanctioned off piece of the conservation deck. I flopped down into a pile near one of the trees and the beast laid next to me, resting its heavy head across my lap with a sigh. I fiddled with my phone, feeling an odd sense of dejavu to the last time I'd been waiting on a call from Moon.

The device started vibrating in my hands and I frantically answered the call before checking caller ID, eagerly stating a hello over the line and that excitement I'd felt slowly dissipating as I heard the voice on the other end.

"Hey, Bub." Lillie laughed, "You were expecting someone else, weren't you?"

My hand drifted up to rub at my face, I attempted to mask my disappointment and annoyance as I stated, "Yes."

Her laughter seemed to mock me, stirring up a larger ball of frustration that sloshed around in my stomach. "Was it Moon?" She asked.

I groaned, that laugh continuing to ring in my ears. I knew she meant no harm and held no ill will, but I was ready to hang up on her already. "What do you need, Lill."

"I was wondering what you're doing with the whole charizard thing. Hau was talking to me about it earlier and said you were doing research?" She stated. I was relieved she had dropped the previous topic entirely.

"Oh." Silvally's head poked up, bumping its nose against my chin. I pushed the beast off my lap and it readjusted so that its torso was on top of my legs instead. My eyes rolled, I had no interest in putting forward the effort to move the 200 pound Pokémon. "Yeah. I'm trying to find who’s behind all of it."

"Aw how sweet, my big bro is trying to help my best friend." She cooed sarcastically.

"Are you just going to keep bringing up Moon?" I snapped. "There is plenty of reason to be looking into this beyond helping her."

"Of course there is!" She said cheerfully, "but I'm sure you're doing it just to help her."

Silvally growled as I slammed my head back against the tree, releasing yet another groan. "Stop."

"I won't stop until you tell me you don't actually like her." She taunted with another giggle.

"Then I'll just hang up." I grumbled in response. Why did she have to find out? Why is she being so pushy about it? I glanced up fast as I noticed someone approaching from across the walkway. The sound of heels clicking on the tile making it clear that it was Wicke. She was moving quickly, a clipboard held tight against her chest. I finally shoved silvally off my lap and bounced to my feet to meet the assistant.

"Why do you just leave me hanging when I bring that up?" Lillie whined. "It's just exciting!"

I rested my phone against my shoulder. "Yes, Wicke?" She shoved the clipboard into my hands with a concerned look on her face.

Oh shit.

I put the phone against my ear again, "Lillie, I need to go." I stated bluntly as I hesitantly glanced at the paper at the top of the clipboard.

"What why?" She said fast, "I wanted to catch up!"

"Something came up. Talk later." I hung up, too distracted by the police report in front of my face to feel guilty.

"This was just sent to us by an accomplice in Johto. I thought you may find it very important." She said, the line of her eyebrows pinched in the center.

My head span as I read through, my throat constricting. There had been another attack in Johto earlier today, the whole ordeal going down without notice for hours as it had happened in the middle of some forest. Some woman named Krys had reported the event, explaining that both the Johto and Alola champions had gone missing during the attack...

"No, no, no, no." I shook my head hard. "No, she can't be..."

"Have you been able to get in touch with the champion? At this point it's crucial for the police to know if she's within reach." Wicke said.

I struggled to hear her words over my pounding heart. "I-I haven't." I fumbled with my phone, checking our messages, checking my missed calls. Moon... no. I called her again, the phone nearly sliding out of my shaking hands - I knew she wouldn't answer.

"What do you mean she's missing!" Hau shouted, his jaw falling slack and his fists slamming onto his respective desktop. Lillie's face grew pale as she gasped, her eyes widening.

First time I had ever started a video call and it was about something so traumatic. I hated it. I wished it was Moon's face on the screen, not just the hyperactive kid and my sister. If she were there, nothing would be wrong. I'd yell at her for getting into danger, she'd claim she was fine and nothing could have possibly gone wrong, and we'd move on. Just like normal. But this time things had gone wrong. This time she was missing and unreachable.

"She was attacked in Johto." I said, my voice sounding irritated and exhausted at the same time, "While she was with another champion. Apparently now they’re both missing." My face remained stoic but my chest felt like it was about to explode as the words left my mouth.

"So she's just gone?!" Hau continued shouting. "We need to do something! She's probably in trouble!"

"What do we do though? I don't even know where to start... somewhere in Johto?" Lillie asked, her voice wavering as though she'd start crying. Please don't start crying. I squeezed my eyes shut, avoiding both their faces.

"I found a lot of evidence leading back to Hoenn." I explained, "Whoever is behind all these attacks is probably stationed there." I opened my eyes when neither of them reacted to my words and was unsurprised to see looks of confusion plastered across both their faces. "So I'm going to Hoenn. To investigate and hopefully find out where Moon is."

"Wait your leaving?" Lillie shrieked, making me wince.

"You can't leave without me." Hau said, sticking a thumb back at himself with a grin. "I'll help you out."

I shook my head, inwardly cringing at his words. "There's no need for you to go with." I stated flatly. "It could be dangerous, bringing along another person would just make things harder."

"No!" Lillie snapped, pouting. "No one is allowed to go anywhere or do anything even somewhat dangerous alone."

Hau gave her an excited 'yeah!' and my eyes rolled. "Why not, eh?" I snapped in response.

"No matter what, it's always more dangerous to go alone." She said, sticking her nose to the air. "Besides, I want to help Moon too."

"When are you leaving, Gladion? Are you taking a plane? We can meet Lillie at the airport!" Hau said, his eyes sparkling... likely because this meant he would see Lillie.

I was about to reassert my point about it being worse for them to join but the stubborn look on Lillie's face yanked the words out of my throat. My shoulders drooped and my gaze turned into a harsh glare towards them. "If you two are coming with you'll have to follow all of my instructions, and be ready for the worst." I snapped.

"Can do!" Hau said with a grin.

"Anything to help our friend!" Lillie said, "Is there any chance she could be in Hoenn too?"

I shrugged, I'd considered the possibility of that while I was stuck stressed and sleepless all night. I wasn't sure what was more preferable, finding her in Hoenn - likely a victim of kid napping... or continuing to have no idea where she had disappeared too even after investigating the region's suspicious connections to the attacks. In my current panicked state of mind, the former sounded better. All I wanted was to see her again, but in reality - it may have been better if she were somewhere else. Maybe, hopefully somewhere moderately safe. "She could be, I'm not sure how likely it is." I muttered in response to Lillie.

"We'll find her, even if she's not in Hoenn!" Hau said, his optimism may have not been based off anything - but it was still pleasant and refreshing to hear. I hadn't realized how necessary that may be as the hours ticked by with no word from Moon.

Hau and Lillie were likely to be a hindrance to me at some point along the way, and maybe it would have been more beneficial for me to put in the effort to tell them they couldn't come with... But I had a feeling they would follow me anyway, and they could end up being helpful... possibly. Extra hands weren't always a great thing but their help could prove useful. Moon would like to see them as well...

Instructing the two of them to get a sheet of paper and pen, they took notes as I explained my plans. Time of departure, exactly where I was going, what airline, and payment options. I'd set everything up around five in the morning, rushed and anxious, and had yet to tell the staff I was leaving for 'field research'. Faba would get his way for some time... I trusted Wicke to keep things under control though. After Lillie and Hau had finished forcing me to reiterate multiple points of my plan the two of them drifted off to plan and strategize on their own.

My mind drifted off, unable to focus on their words as they drifted further and further off topic. I thought over a list of things to pack once again, compiling a separate check list of items I needed to purchase for my Pokémon. Focusing on anything productive, anything that would make that nauseous ache in my stomach go away - even if only momentarily.

Eventually Hau left, his face vanishing from the screen bringing my attention back to the current time and out of my thoughts. Lillie was frowning at me, repeatedly calling out that stupid name she used for me. I cocked an eyebrow, wordlessly signaling to her that I was listening now.

She huffed, annoyed - though the emotion vanished after a second and her eyes became repentant. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine." I muttered after a moments pause, "I'll be fine once I know she's okay."

"She will be okay!" She said with a smile eerily similar to Hau's optimistic grins. "Moon's strong, she can pull through anything."

"That's true, but her strength is what got her into this." I said, letting my eyes fall closed and my arms cross my torso, pushing heavy pressure onto that tense ball in my stomach. I knew she could see through my stoic face and it was so unsettling. "Whoever it is behind this, they'd be beyond idiotic to not be ready for the champions' strength."

"She'll be okay, Bub. Trust her." Lillie pushed, "Don't get to stressed." Her words pulled a blush to my cheeks, making me feel horribly awkward.

We'd been separated for so long. Long enough for each of us to change, to experience our own version of life and be shaped by other stressors. We weren't as similar as we had been before and I would never say that we totally understood each other... But some things never changed, like my ability to tell when she was annoyed while she was trying to hide it. Or her ability to see my anxieties through my poker face. If anything, we'd only gotten better at reading each other. It was something to appreciate, one of those things only family understood. A bond only a shared, painful, childhood could create.

"Okay, Lill." I mumbled with an abrupt nod. Suddenly feeling slightly better about her joining me for the trip to Hoenn.

Work went by painfully slow, even while I was doing actual hands on work - something that normally made time fly by and kept me preoccupied. My mind was always off doing something else, planning, worrying, or daydreaming. The days of sleepless nights didn't help my case whatsoever, but rest was so far beyond my grasp the minute my body stopped moving. I laid there every night, mind reeling and my phone in my hands hoping anything about Moon would come up. It'd been three days since the two champions had disappeared, long enough for the police to drop the case to a lower priority. Shockingly. I would hope missing champions would be top of the list...

Hau and I left for Hoenn tomorrow afternoon, meeting Lillie at the airport that evening. I hated waiting. I'd give anything to just leave now.

"President Gladion!" I winced and span to look at the frazzled employee, realizing just then that he had been attempting to get my attention for far too long. I shook my head hard, tapping the clipboard in my hands against my skull to get the distracted thoughts out.

"Sorry. What?" I apologized and followed after the man as he rushed towards the conservation deck.

Silvally was perched atop the rehabilitating charizard, the creature that was currently attempting to rebel against my employees and burn down the surrounding greenery. I swore and rushed over to aid my Pokémon. Instructing it to launch an attack on the charizard but not be too rough. Silvally's claw flashed a bright light and slashed across the back of the charizard, drawing thick red lines of blood across the beast’s back. It cried out in pain, struggling against the weight of its enemy before giving up and relaxing.

I dropped in front of the defeated charizard and strapped a heat resistant muzzle over its face, apologizing as its eyes met mine - looking further upset by the contraption. Two employees dressed the wound on its back as silvally hopped off and growled in direction of the opposing Pokémon. I waved him off, the charizard was already stressed enough from all this human contact...

In an attempt to sooth it's anger and hesitance to the employee's at its sides I ran my hand over the top of its head slowly. It seemed to enjoy the feeling, its eyes slowly falling closed and the rushed, ragged breathing falling to a more steady sounding flow. "No need to be so worried." I said in a hushed voice, something I saved for Pokémon such as this one. Its eyes met mine once again, huffing out hot air through its nostrils. "You're safe here, no one will hurt you." It grumbled in response, relaxing just enough for the employees to quickly finish their work on bandaging up the scratch silvally left.

"That one is going to be a pain to take care of while you're gone, sir." An employee said as I stood up once again, watching as the charizard was carefully sent off to the infirmary.

"It's behavior will improve, just give it time." I replied. "It may have never experienced a normal life."

The man still seemed uneasy about it and I quickly excused myself, going to assure that Faba knew how to properly care for the charizard to prevent any further issues. The man, although stubborn and pig headed especially when it came to anything with me, did understand how to properly run the various levels of Aether. I requested he place a special team on the charizard while I was gone and he reluctantly agreed only after questioning why I even wanted to take care of such a horrendous Pokémon.

I didn't feel the need to explain my reasoning to him and instead took my leave, readying my luggage for tomorrow.

The sun sunk below the horizon, the array of vibrant reds and pinks fading into a deep burning purple and finally to dark blue. The stars poked out of their hiding spots as the light faded away. The moon's radiant glow dancing off the ocean waves and seemingly making the little flickering lights above seem even brighter. Wicke's voice came to my ears in a hushed murmur that I barely distinguished as words, my focus lying beyond that horizon line. She was only reviewing the information that I had provided her for my absence, I knew everything was correct and didn't feel all too bad for spacing out the windows as she spoke.

"I wish you the best of luck on your travels, sir." I managed to focus in on her words at the last possible moment and thanked her for the kindness. I trusted that she would keep things in balance while Faba was orchestrating the foundation.

The rest of the time before the plane's departure was free to be used as I chose and the handful of hours were ever so intimidating. It'd been a while since I'd had such a long spans of time to fill by myself, and beyond running quick errands to Ula'ula, I wasn't sure what to do with it.

After assuring that I had shoved everything I needed into the small backpack I would use for the trip, I gathered my team together for the first time in what felt like ages and left Aether by boat. The weight of the pokeballs at my waist spiked my adrenaline, bringing nothing other than good memories of adventure and battle with friends. All the times I'd ran through the elite four just to get a glimpse at Moon in that big stone chair, spend even just a tiny percent of my day with her. It had always been worth the extra work waiting back at Aether for me.

Arceus, Moon... please be okay...

A long inhale of the sea air relieved the building stress in my gut and once I'd exhaled the cityscape of Malie was in sight - the glowing lights of life reaching out into the inky blackness of the night, eating away the stars closest to the island. A strange balance of unnatural and natural light, all reflected off the rippling surface of the water. I snapped a quick picture and sent it off to Lillie, knowing she would appreciate a bit of Alola in her day.

The stores in town had everything I needed and a few extra useful items that I purchased as well. After finishing with that checklist I wandered off into the routes and wilds. Exploring and enjoying some fresh air and time out with my Pokémon without any actual work to worry over for the time being. I found Hau near Po Town, battling a large fearow with his raichu.

"Oy." I called, stuffing my hands into my pockets as I stood next to him. Watching the raichu skillfully dodge a fury attack by the angered bird.

Hau jumped, eyes going wide as he noticed me. "Whoa! Hey!" He grinned, "Didn't expect to see you around here, what's up? Are you ready for tomorrow?"

"I'm ready, yeah." The raichu landed a hard hitting thunderbolt on the fearow, striking the bird out and winning the battle. Hau cheered and high fived his Pokémon as it floated back over."Are you? I would hope you are, considering that you’re out in the middle of nowhere right now."

The laughter that left his mouth was beyond hesitant, a hand flying behind his neck and his grin turning sheepish. "Well." He dragged the word out, "I'm not ready yet."

My eyes narrowed, "why not?"

He shrugged, "I wasn't sure what to pack so I thought if I walked around and battled some Pokémon I may think of some things!"

"All you need is the basics." I snapped. "A change or two of clothes, necessary toiletries... you went on an island challenge and you don't know what you need?"

"Nope! I winged it through the whole challenge and just flew home when I needed stuff." He laughed once again.

My head shook disdainfully, "you can't do that. So make sure you pack what you need." Can't believe this kid has made it so far.

"Why are you out here, Gladion?" Hau asked after recalling his Pokémon. "It's pretty far from Aether and I totally thought you'd avoid Po Town after all the team skull stuff."

I shrugged, glancing towards the stone walls of the city and the poorly covered graffiti. "Wandering." I grumbled and walked along the wall, searching for a certain piece of graffiti. Hau walked next to me, asking the same question of, "what are you doing?" despite the fact that I hadn't replied to the first inquiry.

My eyes finally landed on the scrawled word I had been looking for and I cringed. My own name spelled out in goopy spray paint, Plumeria's oddly artistic way of designing letters into Pokémon like creatures somehow mirroring the twists and turns of the normal alphabet. Hau gazed at it, letting out a childlike sound of awe.

"That's so cool!" He said.

It was cool. Though I felt awkward to stand here and reflect on my days as a skull member, reflect on the entirety of my time before reacquainting with my family and meeting Hau and Moon, I could still stand back and appreciate the strange form of art. I momentarily wondered what Plumeria was doing now, but I had minimal interest in actually finding out. I greatly appreciated my distance from the whole skull group.

"Did you actually draw that?" He asked.

I shook my head, "someone else did it, mostly to mess with me." I grumbled.

We talked only a little longer, although most of the conversation was one sided from Hau. Talking about his Pokémon, talking about the trip to Hoenn, talking about my sister. It was so odd to hear so much about her from the obnoxious guy. He rushed off eventually to finally focus down on packing. I took the long way back to the docks, walking through most of the island and allowing each of my Pokémon to have a short battle so they were somewhat prepared for any danger to come. They were kind of rusty after months of being locked away in their balls or left to just wander the building for a while.

It was late by the time I got back to Aether. The hallways eerily quiet and cold without the constant bustle of employees. My room was a mess, clothes and other objects tossed around the space lazily. The blankets and sheets on my bed were twisted and hanging half off the mattress after many nights of tossing and turning restlessly. I sat at the edge of the bed, stomach churning and heart rate increasing as I told myself I should try to sleep.

Despite my utter exhaustion and the fact that the only thing that had been keeping me running for the past few days was energy drinks, I still couldn't manage to sleep more than forty minutes a night. I flopped backwards onto the mattress, shutting my eyes. My senses dulling to focus on my pounding heart and the uneasy feeling in the pit of my gut. If anything, these feelings were more intense being that it was the night before flying to Hoenn.

My phone started vibrating, going long enough for me to realize it was a phone call and not just Hau trying to get advice on packing supplies over text. I still suspected it to be him or Lillie on the other end of the call and nearly ignored it, not feeling like talking at the moment. My limbs felt heavy... But I tugged the device from my pocket anyway and answered, "What." I flatly said.

"...Gladion?"

Suddenly my heart was in my throat and I was sitting straight upright. I stumbled over air, trying to get words out. Holy shit. "M-Moon?!" It's her... it's actually her...

"Yeah, hi." She said, her voice just barely above a whisper. She sounded stressed, rushing her words out. But it's her. She's...she's. "I can't really talk... but I wanted to tell you that I'm okay. You don't need to worry."

I sighed, trying to dispel the hyper bursts of anxiety "thank you for telling me but... what happened?" My pulse was pounding in my ears, nearly drowning out the sound of everything else. "Where are you?!"

"I can't say. I'm sorry." She mumbled.

"What do you mean you can't say?" I asked, cringing at the sound of my voice rising. Why wouldn't she be able to explain what happened? Is she actually being held hostage somewhere? Nausea swept through my system and my head span with the sudden dizziness.

"I...I just can't, Gladion. I'm sorry. I seriously shouldn't even be on the phone right now. I really... I need to go."

"No!" I shouted, my grip around the phone tightening. "Moon! Don't go yet, please!" The angry, begging tone was far too much. I didn't want to scare her off with anger but I had no control over my voice. My nerves were vibrating with this newfound energy.

"Gladion... I'm sorry." Her sad voice flipped my stomach inside out.

I struggled to keep my volume just below a scream. "Please! Give me something to go off of! Any relative idea of where you are! I want to help!" My jaw clenched, "Are you safe?!"

"I'm okay, please don't worry. I'll call again once all of this is finished, okay?" She's going to hang up... no no no. "Goodbye."

"No, Moon!" The ending tone cut me off and my heart collapsed down into my stomach, a new pit hollowing out my chest.

Sure, she's okay. She's alive and able to talk but clearly things weren't going well for her. She was stuck in something and wasn't able to talk about it or even be on the phone.Damnit damnit damnit.

G//MOON, PLEASE! //what the hell happened!!

I wanted to hear her voice again, any amount of interaction would be amazing to get out of her. I knew I'd missed it, knew I would miss it. After actually hearing her voice, I was now acutely aware of how much I ached to talk to her nightly again.

My hands were trembling uncontrollably, something I hadn't had serious issues with for over a year and a half. It came and went as I got stressed but this was the worst I'd felt since I'd started to work it out. The cellphone barely stayed in my palm, the screen shaking with my movements enough that I couldn't read what I'd just sent to her.

I can't believe I almost purposefully missed that call. I would have been so pissed at myself if I had.

M//I thought you knew already? //the charizard attack in Johto... //it's all over the news.

G//Yes, I know that... I mean what happened to you?! //You just vanished, everyone is so worried, Moon.

M//You can tell everyone I have it all under control, okay? c: //we'll talk again soon, Gladion.

G//... //I'm flying to Hoenn tomorrow to look into some various places I found through research. //whatever your plans are, please factor this in. Don't get hurt, Moon, please.

There was no response, not that I'd been expecting one - only hoping that maybe she'd keep texting.

At least I got something.

I laid back down, pressing my fists against my temples and closing my eyes. There was a shred of obtainable sleep buried somewhere beneath the raving heart beat and swirling thoughts consuming me. If I focused, I could actually get some sleep for the first time in a while. Moon's voice played through my head over and over, whether it was helpful I wasn't certain about.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga 5 | SGRS: Sukeroku Futatabi-hen 5 | Nanbaka 18 | ACCA 4 | Classicaloid 17 | Morose Mononokean 1 - 2

The idea from now on: Once all 2016 shows are done (rewatches or not), expect the 2016 ranking.

Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga 5

You could see Shura’s pink phone in her back pocket. Hopefully, she doesn’t bum dial anyone…

One of the problems of this (part of the) show is its heavy reliance on flashbacks, since the original series was in 2011 (or 12?).

That’s what happens when you have an impulsive guy like Rin, I guess. Custody. (Partially joking.) Sometimes a pep talk is all you need to get back up though.

I can make out some of the hiragana and (maybe?) a minami (south), but otherwise I’m pretty lost on that cursive script too.

With a proper look at the right side of the letter, I can indeed make out “Okumura Rin”.

I just realised – Torako (tiger child) and Tatsuma (judging by the “tatsu”, it likely has something to do with dragons). It’s tiger vs dragon!

How is this letter even relevant to the current day, aside from the tale of Ryuji?

You subbers make me sic! (LOL.) The word is “disastrous” – remember that.

Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu: Sukeroku Futatabi-hen 5

Whoa. Sukeroku’s eyes were red!

I thought it was Yakumo’s ashtray Yota was talking about. Turns out it’s his bento.

Ah, the magic of technology. Yota knows it.

The Amakentei from season 1, episode 1. It’s still here after all these years.

There’s a creepy picture of a man in the back. Probably a photo.

Noxy stereo, LOL.

Note for later: Kajikazawa was the name of the story Yakumo did when he got enraged by Yota.

I thought Yakumo would be furious about the carp. Turns out he’s not. The Yakumo name bit made me laugh because that’s such a Yota thing to do.

“Atashi”? Did I hear Yota say “atashi”?

Hangon-ko is so spellbinding…

Hikobayuru is beautiful as always.

I-I’m crying right now. The preview basically is implying Yakumo’s…dead.

Nanbaka 18

Was that hit really that hard?

I think they skipped a line of the subs?

Oh, “the tall guy” is Qi.

What’s the name of this black/blue haired guy in the first place?

…but the staff was broken before…?

Ruka is apparently a kappa according to earlier comments, so him in the water makes sense somewhat.

Wow. Futamata-sensei really likes Chinese stuff.

Strangely, Uno has a point.

The Gojyousan underground cell. Of course it had to be called after Ruka. Plus the goroawase would definitely mean it has 5 levels.

How did Uno identify Trois and Honey by one middle finger? The nail polish and style of the nails, I guess.

*cue dramatic music* It’s a cliffhanger! (Dangit.)

ACCA 4

Walnut…cookies? Can’t tell what that “walnut” really is since it only appears for a second.

Seriously, who is Nino calling?

I think a captain’s hat like the one that guy was wearing makes people look silly.

There’s a lot of English in this theme song. Except for the autotune, the song suits this show perfectly.

I only just realised Jean has some buttons shaped like the letter H.

Man, having the freedom to decide your own schedule is nice.

Pentagonal table, eh? Not even “Knights of the Round Cross” exist here?

Jazz sounds and xylophones really suit this show.

Satsuei? I forgot what that means. Update: It means “to take a picture of someone”, although it appears to be a noun.

There’s even ACCA desktop wallpapers. I want one.

Interesting to note Beurre uses the word kuni (country) for Suitsu, which was subbed as “place” (“It’s a wonderful place!”). This just shows exactly how much autonomy there is for ACCA’s districts.

I don’t think I questioned it yet, but why is this guy called Biscuit? By the audio, it sounds like he’s called “Bisuke” and not “Bisuketto”.

Keitai denwa = mobile phone.

It’s like the French Revolution. Not that I’ve studied anything on that revolution, but eh. Coldplay’s Liberty Leading the People and all that.

Gag rule. I didn’t know what it meant specifically, but it kind of explained itself.

Jean has such a baby face and gangly neck that it’s easy to think he’s an example of what TV Tropes call “Noodle People”.

Classicaloid 17

I think the word Motz uses is oishii, but I’ve never seen it translated as “delish!” before.

It’s grilled mikan, technically. Didn’t I say that last time?

I got no Google hits on “yaki mikan” or “grilled mikan” that were relevant.

Welp, this seems to be set in Japanese winter. Or else you wouldn’t be seeing mikan (or colds) at all.

Did Cho-chan just do an extensive burn on Sousuke? That’s gotta hurt!

The hallways in blue light at that angle…it’s kinda creepy, due to what the staff put in the next ep preview…I’m actually so scared, I have a lump in my throat…

How did you communicate with Hasshie, Cho-chan? *laughs anyway*

The fact the subs go (verb verber verbing verb!) is hilarious.

It’s a flippin’ zombie apocalypse! I tried to do one of those (not as crazy as this) in one of my stories and needless to say, I utterly failed! *weeps* *stops weeping* Well, back to work.

What would Cho-chan say if he got infected?

Aloe vera? (Why and how did I know that pot contained aloe vera?)

What? Okay, that’s (Schu and Beethes having citrus heads) just plain weird.

O-Okay. So they basically made “Thriller” to the tune of a march…?! *bursts out laughing* That’s the most ridiculous they’ve gotten so far. I don’t love it because it made me sick to the stomach, but honestly, that’s the most original idea I’ve seen in ages!

The prospect of a pineapple zombie invasion though…urgh. I do not want.

I see no Google hints whatsoever about mikan being grown in Turkey.

Wasn’t it Einstein who said “success is 1% talent and 99% perspiration” or something like that?

(Morose Mononokean ep 1)

Why did I pick this show, you ask? It’s pretty obvious, right? It’s appealing to the eyes.

There’s something extremely iyashikei about this show, even if it’s also a supernatural show.

Why is no one wearing yellow except Ashiya?

…and the ol’ “problem with buttshots” comes right back from Bungou Stray Dogs. What is it with people and butts?

“I can’t stand it!” – Considering you’re not able to stand, it’s pretty obvious, Ashiya.

Why a giant fuzzball acts like a dog? Beats me.

My allegiance for the lil’ fuzzball started from episode 1, as you can probably tell. One episode is all I need sometimes.

“…to collect your debt.”

Hanae is a feminine name, normally.

His face when he saw that it was Abeno was…hilarious!

Is that youkai a (subtle) 4th wall breaker?

The ED is so pretty. It evolves too, which must be a pain in the butt for the animators but it’s pleasing to the eyes.

(ep 2)

“I can totally see them now.” – Okay, not many boys speak like that. Girls, maybe, but boys? No. (That is, if we’re talking about the phase where suddenly speech is littered with at least 20% more “like”s than usual.)

Of course, nobody questions the spraying of spontaneous flowers in the OP.

ESP doesn’t do that.

Being possessed by mutant pine cones really does take its toll on Ashiya.

Cyclops pine cones? Probably creepy if they’re all staring at once.

Turtle emblem, even though the maker is a newt.

Mutant pine cones never looked so adorable, especially when picked up by the “scruff of the neck”. Abeno basically tossed the little guy he held.

Doesn’t make much difference regardless of if you call the parasite shrub “incurable disease” or “curse”.

Notice how formal both Abeno and the big Scree are.

It’s not quite explained how the Screes learnt the guys’ names.

[lalka-laski]

Another Day, Another Dollar (and a survey to pass the time)

Coffee mugs, teacups, or water bottles? I collect kitschy mugs, most of which were souvenirs or gifts (for example, my sister’s boyfriend got me a mug with the ENTIRE script of Shrek printed on it. Amazing lol!). But I also love pretty teacups and I have several scattered around my apartment as decor. I even have this BEAUTIFUL tea set, hand-made and painted in Poland, that I’ve been meaning to display.  Bubblegum or cotton candy? If we’re talking flavoring, then NEITHER! The idea alone of bubblegum or cotton-candy flavored shit makes me gag.  How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was quiet and not very social, but an exceptional student. I spent most of my free time reading books or writing my own stories. Pretty much an elementary teacher’s dream student!

Do you prefer to drink soda from cans, bottles or cups? My top choice across the board would be a cup with a straw. But I LOVE regular Coca-Cola from a can. It tastes so much better than Coke from a bottle or fountain machine for some reason. It’s sweeter and smoother with less of that painful carbonated burn.  Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds, just because headphones make me look like a dork. 

Movies or TV? TV shows are easier to fade in and out of, which is my preferred means of watching something.  Favorite smell in the summer? SUNSCREEN! It’s such a distinct and familiar smell that’s contained to only a teeny sliver of the year. I love smells like that.  Game you were best at in P.E./gym? It’s not a game but I was weirdly good at rock-climbing when we did that unit in high school?  What do you have for breakfast on an average day? Nothing. I love breakfast food, just not at breakfast time.  Name of your favorite playlist? I have this one playlist whose title is simply the sparkle/star emoji (creative, I know). It’s a lot of vibey, atmospheric jams that are the perfect soundtrack when I have people over just chilling and drinking.  Lanyard or key ring? Keyring, but a lanyard might make my life easier.  Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sourpatch Kids or any other type of sour gummy.  Favorite book you had to read for school? Dude. I was an English nerd who later became an English major and at one point in the semester was averaging 2 novels a week. I could never pick a sole favorite from all my years in school and I’d struggle to even pick a favorite from each class. But for the sake of this question I’m gonna rattle off a few that come to mind. From middle school through high school I loved The Outsiders, The Westing Game, TKAM, anything by Steinbeck, Jane Eyre, The Poisonwood Bible, The Virgin Suicides. 

AAAAAND I just started mentally listing my favorite books from college but got too overwhelmed. So I’m moving on to the next question now, thx!

Most comfortable position to sit in? Uh, I’ve never put much thought into that. 

Most frequently worn pair of shoes? It depends on the season. And to be honest, I’d rather go barefoot whenever possible.  Ideal weather? A little cool but sunny. I do love the rain but it hinders plans (and hair & makeup!) so I lean more towards sunny, dry days.  Pencils or pens? PENS ONLY. Pencils gross me out.  Obsession from childhood? Most of my childhood obsessions have carried over into adulthood: whimsical fairy tales and princesses (specifically Sleeping Beauty), the color pink, collecting diaries & journals...  Favorite crystal? Rose quartz, if that counts?  Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Swimming or laying by the pool/under a tree with a good book. And of course, I love me some day drinking on a summer day! Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Staying cozy inside, also with a good book and a good drink. See a theme here?  Five songs to describe you? Thursday’s Child- David Bowie She Talks to Angels- The Black Crowes Paradise- Coldplay Never Get You Right- Brandon Flowers Silver Lining- David Gray

Best way for someone to bond with you? Music and literature are my favorite ways to connect with a person. There’s nothing more intimate (and I mean that both in a romantic and platonic sense) than listening to a song or reading a poem/passage with someone and then discussing what it means to you.  Top 5 favorite Vines? I have many! “Road work ahead” is of course a fave. And there are so many more that I can’t think of right now.  Ads you have stuck in your head? None atm

Average time you fall asleep? Depends entirely on the night  What is the first meme you remember seeing? Yikes, I can’t remember. I’m sure it involved a cat?  Suitcase, duffel bag, or backpack? Suitcase with wheels  Lemonade or tea? Lemonade is my favorite non-alcoholic drink ever. I even named my childhood teddy bear “Lemonade.”  Last person you texted? Glenn  Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets, I never carry things in pants pockets. Favorite type of jacket? Jackets are my favorite item of clothing, so I’m a hoarder of cute jackets, blazers & coats!  Favorite scent for soap? Lavender & cedarwood from Bath & Body Works.  Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? I don’t care much for either.  What clothes do you sleep in? Usually just a comfy tee shirt  Favorite type of cheese? Extra extra sharp cheddar (preferably white). So sharp it makes your jaw tingle!  What saying or quote do you live by? I’m trying to ask myself lately “What can I learn from this?” or “What can this offer me?”  What are you currently stressed about? For the most part, I’m in a good place. I feel aligned and centered and a HELL of a lot better than I’ve ever felt. My biggest struggles currently are related to body image, envy & self-worth, which is a lifelong battle for most, no?  Favorite font? Cabria or something like that?  What did you learn from your first job? Speaking up for yourself is difficult but it’s one of life’s necessary evils  Favorite fairy tale? Sleeping Beauty, of course! It’s an obsession.  Favorite tradition? That’s a difficult question because I’m SUPER sentimental and I have tons of personal & family traditions.  Talent you’re proud of having? Empathy

If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? "Stop it!” exclaimed in disbelief or surprise.  If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? I have no clue Character you relate to? Elle Woods (on my best days).  Favorite website from your childhood? I loved gurl.com and Alloy. I just checked to see if either still exist.... gurl now links to Seventeen (another favorite in my teen years) and Alloy links to Youtube? Odd.  Any scars? A very faint one. Actually it may not even be there anymore.  Favorite flower? Chrysanthemum  Any good luck charms? Like I said, I’m a very sentimental person. So I have several!  Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Well a question from earlier in the survey reminded me how much I ABHOR bubblegum or cotton candy flavored things. I’m also very picky about lemon. I love lemonade or lemon candies, but can’t stand the flavor in desserts or savory  dishes. So maybe I just like artificial lemon flavor?  Left or right handed? I’m right handed but always wished I was left-handed just because I thought it was cool.  Least favorite pattern? None come to mind immediately  Worst subject in school? Math of any sort. Chemistry was also wicked hard for me.  Favorite weird flavor combo? I don’t think anything I eat is that weird or abnormal  When did you lose your first tooth? No clue Favorite potato food? Hashbrown patties or curly fries. Not a huge fan of regular french fries, although that doesn’t stop me from eating them whenever the opportunity presents itself...  Gas station coffee or grocery store sushi? Weird options. But I don’t eat sushi and I actually love gas station coffee so there’s a clear winner here. 

Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones Do you call them fireflies or lightning bugs? Fireflies

PC or console gaming? I don’t game

Writing or drawing? Writing Podcasts or talk radio? Podcast, I suppose. But I rarely find podcasts I enjoy. Most of the time it just seems like a person who likes the sound of their own voice rambling, or two or more people having a conversation that doesn’t need an audience.  Barbie or Polly Pocket? Barbie but Polly Pocket was still that bitch

Fairy tales or mythology? I’m partial to fairy tales but that doesn’t mean I find mythology any less fascinating. 

Cookies or cupcakes? Cookies all day Your greatest fear? Death or losing a loved one Your greatest wish? To find inner peace and happiness, to live a long life with my loved ones Who would you put before everyone else? My loved ones^ Wow I’ve used that phrases a lot in these past few questions.  Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Fairy lights!!  Nicknames? Lil Bit/Libit, Lala, Enebis, Lala, Liz, Lizzie, Ela.  The name “Elizabeth” lends itself to a hell of a lot of nicknames haha!  Favorite season? Fall, probably. But I’ve grown to love Spring too as I’ve gotten older. Which is weird because it was always my least favorite growing up. I used to find it depressing but now I think it’s inspiring.  Favorite app on your phone? Snapchat probably  What is your desktop background? I’m on a work computer right now so it’s just our company logo How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Uhh.... very few.

[eldritchsurveys]

256.

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up, usually? >> Fumble around for my phone to see what time it is.

Do you like to keep a routine or do you prefer spontaneousness? >> I keep to my own routines, but outside of those, spontaneity is welcome.  When was the last time you apologized and didn’t mean it? >> I don’t remember, because I usually don’t do this. Do you prefer to be the “talker” or the “listener” in a conversation? >> I make a pretty decent listener. Usually I prefer to talk to people I am confident are listening to me and interested in what I’m saying, and I’m not often confident that that is the case... so I try to spin my reticence into a virtue. I’m a good listener. How are you feeling today? Is there any particular reason as to why?  >> I have had a number of feelings, some self-destructive and some self-loving. Because that’s how it goes.

What do you think defines beauty? >> Personally, I don’t have a particular definition for beauty. I usually describe things and their effect on me in more specific terms, anyway. Do you find these qualities in yourself? >> --- Do you know anyone personally with those qualities? >> --- Is there anything you wear everyday? >> My Legba pendant. Do you actually brush your teeth three times a day? >> No, once. How about floss? >> Never. What’s your first name? >> Mordred. Is that actually what you go by, or do people call you by something else? >> Some people call me Rev, some people call me Shadow, and some people call me Logan (because I don’t have the legal documentation to force them to do otherwise yet). Do you like to sing for other people? >> Yeah. What’s a movie that you think everyone should see? >> --- Do you spend a lot of your time alone? >> A fair amount. If so, do you like it that way? >> Actually, yes. If I had to spend all my time around someone, even someone I like, I’d hate it. You know that gag where one person in an old married couple is always nagging the other about breathing too hard, because they’ve lived together for so long that the littlest thing becomes an aggravation? It’s like that, but imagine it happening in a much shorter time period.

Do you know anyone personally who has done meth? >> Yeah. Me, for one. Do you usually like bizarre people? >> I mean, I guess? Some bizarre people I like, some bizarre people I don’t like. Do you have a best friend? If so, why are they the “best”? >> No. Who do you love the most in your life? >> Can Calah. Name something that you would never do: >> I can’t think of anything right now.

Have you ever moved to a new country? >> No. How do you usually wear your hair? >> It’s too short to worry about styling. If you could have any hair color, what color would you want? >> White. Name a song that you feel describes you/your life pretty well: >> The fact that I really want to say Marilyn Manson’s Man That You Fear means I should probably refrain from answering this question at all. If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you want? >> --- What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever personally witnessed? >> Oh, who knows. I used to live in a metropolis, my threshold for strange is way different from a lot of people’s. If you could kiss anyone right now, who would you kiss? >> --- Do you have any piercings? >> Lobes and septum. Are there any you would want? >> I mean, maybe, if they were offered to me, but I’m not dying for any. The nearest object to you (other than your computer/chair/etc), what is it? >> There are a lot of things equidistant from me. Do you own a kindle? >> Yeah. When was the last time you saw your “first love”? >> --- Name something you really like about yourself: >> I keep trying. Name something you really don’t like about yourself: >> I keep failing. When was the last time you were sick? What did you have? >> I haven’t been sick in a long time, I don’t remember. What’s your favorite smell(s)? >> I like a lot of smells. Where’s the most beautiful place you’ve been to? >> Hm. What are you going to do after this? >> I’m not sure. I might go poke around video game wikis some more. Stretch your hand out as far as you can to the left. What are you touching? >> Nothing. Do you like to wear make up? >> Occasionally. Is there anything you’d rather be doing right now? >> No, which is what makes it hard to figure out what to do. What’s the stupidest song on the radio right now, in your opinion? >> --- What’s a word you just can’t spell right? >> --- What’s the last book you read? >> The Haunting of Hill House. Did you like it? >> It was insidiously terrifying (for me, seeing as horror can be a pretty personal thing) and I loved it. What do you keep beside your bed? >> There’s a bunch of stuff on this nightstand that just kinda ended up there (like the incense holder and the Starman tarot deck and the salt lamp that I’m borrowing until I get my own lamp and the copies of Promethea that I currently own). But also I put my lip balm and drink on there when I go to bed. Do you pluck/wax/thread your eyebrows? >> No. What’s something unique about you? >> My experiences, naturally. Who’s the smartest person you know personally? >> --- What makes them so smart? >> --- You can’t feel pain for an entire day. What would you do? >> Hm. Who inspires you most? >> I don’t know. Various dead writers, I guess. Have you ever won a contest of some sort? >> Yeah. Are you straight? >> No. Are your nails painted? If so, what color? >> No. You can only eat one food group for the rest of your life. Which one? >> --- Are there any religions other than your own that you identify with? >> I don’t participate in any specific religion, but if I were to choose one to put in the work of converting to, it’d be Judaism. Who makes you the happiest? >> Can Calah. Do you do any specific exercises to stay in shape? >> No, but I probably should. I do some walking, when I feel like it. Are you trendy? >> I don’t know. What color is your bedroom? Do you like it? >> It’s not a specific colour. Have you ever seriously thought you were going to die? >> Yes. What does your shampoo smell like? >> Shea butter, I guess, because that’s what's in it. What’s your desktop wallpaper? >> Right now (it’s on shuffle) it’s the “No Humans Allowed” sign from District 9. Have you ever smoked weed? >> Many times. If so, did you like it? >> I did until, long story short, I stopped being able to smoke it because of the extremely adverse psychological reactions it would cause. Have you done any other drugs? If so, what are they? >> Yeah. DXM, cocaine, LSD, heroin, meth, and two research chemicals that I can’t remember the designations of. Do you actually like your smile? >> Sure. Leave off with a word of advice: >> Watch Bill & Ted movies if you need a pick-me-up.

[allbestnet]

1,013 Ideas

1) anxiety coach 2) A way for software developers to donate their time to charity 3) A place for rich people to send their kids so they get humbled before they go to college 4) an actual business that you pay to go into and beat the crap out of stuff like old cars 5) Twitter, except it's anonymous, and you can share all you secrets 6) A website that you subscribe to and it sends you a personalized motivational text every morning 7) You know those photo frames that are digital? Instead of photos they can display motivational photos or quotes. 8) A website like linkedin, except a company pays you to work for them for two weeks with the option of extending to full-time. 9) An alarm clock that calls your ex if you don't get up. Or picks a random photo in your phone and sends it to your parents. 10) An aquarium desktop background. But seriously nowadays we can do better. We can improve it to make it awesome again! 11) Coffee shop where they bring the coffee and pastries to your table. No tips required 12) A heavy coat with a hawaiian shirt pattern 13) A website where you input what kind of bread you want, like banana pumpkin bread, and they custom make it and ship it to you. Then there's a voting system where the most popular breads get voted to the top and are mass produced. 14) caricatures on demand 15) In-n-out sauce mass produced and sold in grocery stores 16) A coffee shop that's just a window 17) Personal coaching should be more like... utilized 18) Soda that gets you drunk 19) A coffee shop... ON A ROOF! 20) Robot horses for Central Park. 21) An alarm clock that's actually a light that simulates the sunrise. I know they already invented that. 22) A cuff that goes on your arm and vibrates when it's time to wake up. Would be good for people who sleep with ear plugs or don't want to wake other people up. 23) Windows that let air in when they're closed. I have no idea if that could actually work. 24) Handicap parking spots have little chips in them that connect to a chip under a handicap car... if it doesn't detect a chip in the car it gives you a ticket. 25) Plants you can buy and you water them with a special water that makes them turn colors like blue. 26) Chia pet wigs. 27) All cops should have body cams by now 28) Stolen from reddit: water cups that dissolve when in contact with sugar/soda. 29) A website that takes random words from the dictionary then arranges them to make crazy ideas with the click of a button. 30) A sock washer. I always feel like the bottoms of my socks get dirty. I wish I could find a way to make them white again. 31) A cross between James Altucher's iii:am and Lynda (online programming tutorials). 32) Bookstore like workshop cafe. You go in, can read any books you want and pay by the hour. Plus comfy chairs and soothing quiet music in the background. 33) A board game designed specifically for when your power goes out. 34) Wallets made out of the fabric of old couches. Do they need to be waterproof? 35) A combination between a coffee shop and a bookstore. Also steal from that workshop cafe idea I posted earlier. 36) An amusement park that only serves super healthy food. 37) A flag that stays up even when it's not windy. 38) Blinds that are vertical so dust doesn't collect on them. 39) A VC bank for average people that have good ideas. 40) An airplane company that has live entertainment on the plane. Like Macbeth. 41) Uber for commuting. 42) A robot that walks your dogs. Or even an on demand service that walks your dogs for you. Uber for dogs. Am I doing Uber overkill here? 43) Startup houses that are run by professionals and kept clean and cheap 44) A way of sharing HBO with people that is legal 45) A really cheap service that you can use to send flowers to people. Not like a bouquet, just a single flower. Just to let them know you're thinking of them. 46) Handheld laptop bags. Because when you wear a backpack or a strapped case it makes you sweaty in hot weather. 47) Sleeping mask but for your ears. OKAY, I KNOW EARPLUGS EXIST. But there's gotta be a better way and more comfortable way of keeping the outside quiet when you're trying to sleep. 48) Glasses that act as a flashlight but don't have any glare. So you can read your book in the dark but it doesn't hurt your eyes or irritate/ wake up other people. 49) What ever happened to those ion cleaner weird air fan things? Are the ions still killing me? Do I need to buy one? 50) Crowdfunding for homeless people 51) Uber except they send people to take care of you when you're sick. Okay, that's enough Uber. 52) Headphones that don't actually play music, they just act like ear plugs that you can wear when you're sleeping. 53) A restaurant where you can taste like a little bit of every entree instead of looking at a menu, then pick the one you want to have a full meal of. 54) A fake cover for a PC that makes it look like a mac 55) An app where people walking by your house can be notified about who you are if you feel like socializing and just kind of meet strangers on the fly. It sounds unsafe but some kinks could probably be worked out 56) A whiteboard/chalkboard with no residue. IS IT POSSIBLE? 57) Soles of your shoe that are resistant to sticky substances like gum 58) A way to give your phone charge to your computer and vice versa 59) A service that cleans your shoes. Seriously, how do you clean regular shoes. I don't understand. Do you just throw them in the washer? 60) Okay, okay, the last uber one. An uber app where you can call a car to come and pick up your food and unused supplies, clothing, etc to donate them to charity. 61) A notebook that you write into that immediately digitizes your notes and sends them to your computer. 62) Something that looks like a book but can change depending on what book you program into it. Like those newspapers in Harry Potter. 63) A bar right next to a baseball/football stadium where you can down a bunch of cheap drinks before you go to the game. 64) Nutritional trail mix. Like it has vitamins and minerals in it. And electrolytes. 65) VR headset that stimulates your dreams while you sleep. 66) You know the facebook poke button? A way to do that with your professional contacts if you just want to check in with them. Well, I mean you can already do that by giving them a call or a text but like, maybe something simpler than that. 67) A way to relieve the annoyance of automated robot phone systems. 68) Cough or cold medicine with caffeine in it. 69) Dorms for software developers in San Francisco. Would make living a lot cheaper. And without the meal plans of course. 70) Alternative college that you only go to for two years but is designed to get you a serious grown up job like engineer or doctor etc 71) A communal dishwasher that makes it easier to deal with. 72) Pets for mental health relief. I mean they already made that but like, that counts as an idea. 73) Bubbles you can eat. Like you blow the bubbles, then you can put them in your mouth and they taste good. No calories either. 74) Digital paintings. 75) A kind of residue/resin you can put on wood that's started to splinter. So it will smooth it out without making the wood look crappy. 76) You know how a lot of buildings in the city have shitty ceilings? Like, linoleum for ceilings. 77) Rubber couch 78) Fire alarm that attaches to your clothes. So you can have a fire alarm even in a place that doesn't have it installed. Or maybe for your car. 79) An app that connects to your facebook and lets you anonymously give people feedback. Like, just general feedback. 80) Gag popcorn that looks like it's made out of asbestos. 81) Not really a new idea, but someone should make earmuffs popular again. 82) Neon lights for your car. 83) Sunglasses where you click a button and it blacks them out, so you can take a nap. 84) Manila folders that aren't manila colored! 85) American flag socks. Well, actually american flag anything. 86) A chair that can fit in your backpack. 87) Decorative woven cotton wire covers 88) Leather socks 89) A way to efficiently access your computer through your phone. Like kind of like Teamviewer, except it would be optimized so there would be no issues using a touch screen instead of clicking. 90) Something as small as a credit card that you can stick in your wallet but it charges your phone. Like it just gives you maybe 20% but it's for emergencies and you would always carry it with you. 91) Company recruiting service that lets you spend a whole work day with an employee instead of interviewing etc. 92) Electronic whiteboard 93) Toe covers that protect your toes from getting blisters. 94) A service that you can use to pay people (any people) to answer questions. Like if I wanted to ask what it was like to work at Google, I could pay a Google employee through their website and they would answer any of my questions. 95) Hand sanitizer dispensers in subways 96) Something that you spray on your feet at the end of the day that makes them not smell. 97) A coffee shop that charges a monthly fee and you can stop by whenever to grab coffee. Most likely it would be on an honor system where you would only go a max of two times per day. God knows how many times some people would go to get unlimited coffee. 98) A service like thinkful or hack hands where engineers give advice to amateur engineers. Except this service would be like hack hands except for foreign language students to ask questions of native speakers or language teachers. 99) Eraseable sharpie 100) An app that grabs every contact from every social network and compiles them into like a universal contact book. Because right now in the apple contact app you have to like manually put everything in. Even if you integrate facebook sometimes it can make it all messed up and ugly. 101) Cup holders made of sandpaper 102) Skin colored tiny band aids that you put on your face to stop yourself from picking zits 103) Cologne that doubles as a bug repellant 104) Eye contacts that have instagram filters 105) Shirts that change color depending on the temperature 106) Shirts that change color when they get wet. Maybe not great if you're sweating. Or maybe awesome? 107) Holographic home decorations so you don't have to buy a ton of shit from Crate & Barrel or Pier Imports or whatever 108) Headphones that are inside a beanie 109) Gloves that make your hands stick to a wall and you can climb them like a spider. Defective ones would probably make people die though... 110) Vertical ironing board 111) Coffee pills that you put in regular water and it magically turns to coffee that doesn't taste like dirt 112) Upside down showers 113) Shoes that you put on and they automagically massage your feet. 114) A site where you put in your desired salary and your employer puts in their desired salary for you and the site does the negotiating for you! 115) Apple should make computers with different fruits on them. 116) A backpack that goes on your front. A frontpack. I guess they already do that though for tourists in countries where people like to steal stuff out of your backpack. 117) Bring fanny packs back! 118) Flexible water bottles. Like made out of... rubber or something. So they don't make a lot of noise 119) Pumpkins that you can carve but they don't rot. GMO?? 120) Soundproof bathrooms 121) A visual representation of a github repo over time 122) Mosquito repellant cologne. Wait, did I already do that? Oops. Still counts this time. 123) Mosquito repellant breath mints 124) Detergent gel 125) Chairs that recline so you can lay down 126) A device that lets you lie down in supine position and still type on your computer or read a book or whatever 127) An iphone case that holds gum 128) Liquid nitrogen for mosquito bites to make them not itch. Not sure if that's dangerous. Lots of dangerous ideas today. 129) Sharpie that you can spray 130) Refrigerator stickers for your car 131) Reusable tissues 132) Solar panels for the moon 133) Underwater solar panels in the ocean 134) CSI video game 135) IRC app for iphone/android 136) modern version of usenet 137) chapstick for your elbows 138) automatic head scratcher machine 139) a better way of washing clothes than washing machine and dryer. like a steamer or something 140) sunglasses with shutter lenses 141) anti acid reflux soda 142) garbage collecting drones 143) garbage collecting rc cars 144) rc cars that adults can ride on. remember those hummers they made for kids? 145) A clock with like six hands that has three different time zones 146) bean bags literally filled with beans 147) one of those sleeping cds filled with passing car sounds at night 148) A way to transfer charge between your phone and your laptop 149) A book that has two books, like on every left page is one book and every right page is the other 150) soylent that doesnt taste like crushed oatmeal shake 151) keyboards that are shaped to fit in your lap 152) headphones that are made of rubber 153) a personal blog directory that you can easily browse through 154) blockbuster for books. IT IS DIFFERENT FROM A LIBRARY in that they carry the most recent and popular titles, and that is why you pay to rent them out. or unlimited for a monthly fee like netflix 155) a less acidic version of coffee. like odulles for coffee. 156) an app that you give your location, then it matches you with the nearest, cheapest, highest quality doctor for your specific case. it takes the hassle out of scheduling doctor appointments, especially in new cities etc 157) khan academy for art 158) computer monitors that look like the kindle screens 159) electronic whiteboards 160) cigs/cigars that make colorful smoke. Probably could also work for e-cigs 161) an automatic machine that thinks of ideas for you 162) cruise ships for people that are almost dead 163) i hate zits 164) Furniture rental 165) electric mop 166) biking shoes that light up 167) powdered sugar lollipops 168) sweatshirt for your legs 169) shoes that float 170) subways should have hand sanitizer dispensers 171) blogging website where you dictate your blog post and it will convert it to text for you 172) caffeine injections 173) mouses for tablets - I think the correct word is mice, the electronic ones 174) wood shoes 175) back pocket on your sweatshirt that holds a laptop like a kangaroo pouch 176) aluminum shirts 177) a sound monitor for your house that lets you know if someone broke in 178) concerts on twitch.tv 179) flip flops with covers just so you don't get the wind chill on your toes. like slippers but they can be taken seriously 180) pets for your pets 181) some pill that reduces the effect of caffeine 182) slippers that vibrate and heat up 183) socks that change color depending on the temperature 184) airbnb except the host also gives you a tour around their city. would prob cost a lot more 185) sheets that stick to your clothes so they never come off at night 186) pillows that clean themselves 187) doors not made of wood 188) sweatshirts that have optional gloves. like theyre attached but theres a way of hiding them if you don't want to wear them 189) keyboards made of wood 190) wireless earbuds for when you run 191) Backpack that has an umbrella attached to the top so it protects you from the sun and rain 192) gum that is made to be swallowed 193) Clothes dyeing service or better yet, a free service by fashion students to spice up your old clothes 194) ipads with screens that you can write on with expo markers 195) transparent shoes 196) hollow lightbulbs 197) gum that doesn't stick to stuff so students can't stick it under their desk or on the bus 198) books sold with a pair of ear plugs 199) shoes that double as vacuum cleaners. or swiffers 200) jeans with built in suspenders that go under your shirt 201) robot cats 202) a real pumpkin filled with the ingredients you need to make pumpkin pie 203) fruity coffee 204) chocolate covered coffee beans 205) coffee covered chocolate beans 206) glove dispensers on the muni 207) inside out bagels 208) knife except the end is blunt so you can't stab anyone with it 209) uber for laundry 210) coffee based on alcoholic drinks 211) vacuum sealed fruits 212) rubber wrist watch 213) keyboards made of the lava lamp stuff 214) tie dye shoes 215) tie dye hats 216) subway sandwiches that look like a subway car 217) books that stay open 218) built in stand in laptop 219) rolling beanbag 220) edible fake money 221) flavored musical instruments 222) a clothing store where you pay a monthly fee and you can wear whatever they have 223) mesh socks 224) mesh beanie. wait, isn't that a hairnet? 225) roll on cologne 226) a running shoe/dress shoe hybrid 227) shoes coated in teflon 228) luggage that has that hole thing in it that you attach your vacuum to and it vacuum seals it 229) earbuds covered in velvet 230) water guns that shoot glow in the dark water 231) pumpkin pie that is shaped like a pumpkin 232) beard shampoo 233) sweatpants that hide your sweat like dri fit 234) running shoes for adults that light up. would be esp good for night running 235) exercise classes specifically for programmers 236) a refrigerator backpack 237) a bandaid designed specifically for paper cuts to make them hurt less 238) a website where you make a post about yourself and other people decide what the best career for you is 239) a website where you can web chat with a lawyer for a flat rate 240) colorful cola 241) sweatshirts with hoodies that have headphones in them. but you can remove them when you need to wash them 242) spandex sweatshirts 243) inflatable shoes 244) backpacks that have built in phone chargers 245) cough syrup except it's not for a cough its for a headache. so headache syrup 246) an online record player 247) virtual reality basketball 248) chairs that you can sit sideways in 249) robot that automatically cuts your hair 250) something safer than q tips for cleaning ears 251) insider guides for tourists to feel like a native 252) mental hospitals designed specifically for homeless people 253) carpet for ceilings and walls 254) 10c surcharge for disposable cups at starbucks 255) an app that shows where the homeless people are in san francisco 256) an app that shows in real time where the densest traffic is in the city 257) speakers in shoes 258) jeans that are khaki colored 259) gum that biodegrades quickly 260) glass coffee cups 261) an app that translates a TOS (terms of service) into plain english 262) A vodka or champagne bottle that looks like a fire extinguisher 263) headphones inside a bicycle or motorcycle helmet 264) biodegradable diapers 265) shoes with gold bottoms 266) polyester socks 267) automatic hair braider machine 268) automatic condom making machine 269) digital whistle 270) rubber headphone covers so they don't fall out of your ears 271) cronuts that don't taste like shit 272) fetty wap voice modulizer app 273) books made out of edible paper 274) water cups that have fake holes in them 275) jeans that have a bunch of jeans on them. like a decorative pattern so they're like jean jeans 276) jeans that say billy. billy jeans 277) coffee popsicles 278) walnut milk 279) coconut pizza 280) stickers that you put on your nails instead of nail polish 281) Portable microwave 282) Illegal immigrants are granted citizenship after working and paying taxes for a period of time 283) Camera in your shoe 284) Digital paintings 285) Shirts that have paintings on them by freelance artists. Like a site sells them from different artists for a reasonable price. 286) Flying trash can drones 287) A service that comes to your house for like $5 and gets rid of all the things you don't want 288) Uber for cleaning ladies 289) Painting on a large flat rock that you can put on your wall 290) A watch made out of glass. Or something that looks similar to glass but doesn't break as easily. 291) an app called payback where you pay people to get your revenge. like, in a civil way 292) James brown soundboard or voicemail message generator 293) tripod for your phone 294) remote karate lessons via webcam 295) a millisecond timer 296) a reverse doorknob 297) you know those things that you crack and they warm up? use that stuff to warm your food 298) hair gel for places other than your head 299) an app that delivers a party to you! 300) online flannel shirt generator 301) rimshot app or a website where you click a button to make a rimshot 302) an app where you say a catchphrase and it tells you where its from 303) instead of those mug huggers that keep you from burning your hand on your coffee use a recycled sock 304) an app that plays ocean sounds until it detects you've gone to sleep then it turns off your phone 305) hot iced tea 306) snapple made out of apples 307) hollowed out fruits as drink cups 308) edible plates 309) edible napkins 310) vegetable cookies 311) send a letter to someone famous and ask their advice 312) pizza with the toppings under the cheese 313) pizza with toppings in the crust 314) post-its that are sticky on both sides 315) airbnb for office space 316) sweatshirts that zip up on the back 317) shoes that you zip instead of tie 318) bubble gum flavored mints 319) aa batteries that you can plug in 320) flip flops made of recycled shoes 321) carbonated water infused with fruit juice 322) edible post it notes 323) service that intentionally paints your car like a taxi 324) cardboard clothes for homeless people (cardboard couture?) 325) candles that smell like good food 326) food that smells like candles 327) coffee slurpee 328) shoes made out of recycled corn husks 329) popcorn except it's made out of something else that pops... 330) a device that attaches to your waist and holds a book in front of your face so you don't have to strain your neck 331) tea pods that you drop in hot water instead of tea bags. they dissolve so you don't have to try to fish out the tea bag and throw it away 332) carbonated spirits 333) elastic belts 334) GMO potatoes that taste like a seasoned baked potato 335) popsicles that look like politicians 336) an apartment complex specifically designed for community living. like campus, except not a failed startup. improve on whatever made them fail - it looks like aiming for the high end market was an issue 337) champagne flavored orange juice. except it's non alcoholic like odulles and super cheap. so you can start every morning feeling like the 1% 338) orange flavored latte 339) pumpkin flavored ice cream 340) banana soda 341) bahn mi grilled cheese 342) Water bottles made of rubber 343) College designed for one specific job 344) job sponsored toastmasters 345) Refugee island 346) Shrink wrap for food 347) Busses for rich people 348) Scented tissues 349) Battery powered skateboards 350) Paper shoes 351) water balloons filled with cleaning liquid so cleaning your house is more fun 352) Fantasy football except it generates fake footage of all your players together 353) trash cans that have a pipe at the bottom automatically sending everything to a reservoir 354) coffee delivery service 355) ice cream delivery service 356) ice cream with coffee bean chunks in it 357) ice cubes made of coffee 358) An internship that takes place in a new country every month 359) A calculator that understands plain english (voice) 360) coffee flavored bubble gum 361) legal pads that have a different color for every page 362) carbonated ice cubes 363) carbonated ice cream 364) sprite float 365) mesh sunglasses cover 366) coffee straws 367) aluminum sunglass frames 368) washing machine that depills clothes 369) jean short shorts 370) jean hat 371) shortbread shaped like shorts 372) a cafe designed for business meetings and catching up with friends, so like it's soundproofed maybe? 373) a service that connects dogs that need to be walked with obese people who need to walk 374) rainbow taxis 375) rainbow hair dye 376) incense deodorant/cologne 377) sweatpants that look like jeans 378) an apartment complex with a subsidized grocery store built into it 379) you know how they have food co-ops? how about a school/education co-op. 380) an island for homeless people 381) air freshener that fits in your pocket 382) uber designed to take you from public transport destination straight to your doorstop for pennies 383) chairs that you buy at the store and can easily decorate them yourself 384) a service where if you're having a bad day you can borrow a shelter dog 385) microwaveable raw pasta 386) pasta sauce with 24k gold flakes in it 387) heels that have invisible filling so it doesn't feel like you're walking in heels 388) startup pitch generator website 389) a service where you pay someone to go to a conference then pretends to be you and networks with people 390) coffee with vitamins 391) news articles on water bottles 392) digital posters 393) a frame on your wall that uploads the front page of new york times every morning 394) orange socks 395) socks that smell like oranges 396) mugs with built in straws 397) an alarm that rings a few times a day reminding you what your priorities are 398) frappucino without sugar and maybe add protein 399) protein water 400) edible newspaper 401) brown paper bags that aren't brown 402) spaghetti made of bread 403) baked ice cream 404) public cubbies in the city 405) bike stealer vigilante service 406) ceiling fans that spin vertically 407) gyms that pay you to go 408) windows that clean themselves 409) skateboards that run on gasoline 410) adopt a rapper program 411) a gym that gives you a monthly discount based on your bmi 412) aluminum foil pants 413) night vision goggles for truck drivers 414) an app that explains all the currently trending hashtags on twitter 415) flowers that grow in reverse 416) suits made out of nike dri-fit 417) shoes designed to be put in the washing machine without breaking their form 418) take out boxes made out of thick rice paper 419) milkshakes with artificial sweetener 420) in honor of 420 - marijuana milkshakes 421) coffee mugs that are made out of recycled coffee plants 422) a backscratching blanket that you can lay on 423) peanuts that taste like other nuts 424) alcoholic protein shakes 425) a curvy iphone called a jphone 426) odulles for vodka 427) peanut butter jelly quesadilla 428) GMO apples with caramel flavor in it 429) the talking trout thing that you can attach to the front of your car 430) Indian sushi 431) a service where you talk to someone on the phone about your job goals and life and they make a resume for you in less than 30 minutes. 432) a restaurant where they give you the recipe for whatever you order when you're done eating 433) chair that sits on a roomba so it can drive you around 434) free weight loss program where they send you to the desert and you have to find your way back 435) every guy spends a significant amount of their life shaving. we need shave consultants to make shaving as pleasant of an experience as possible 436) shoes that have tv screens on them 437) sugar-ed pretzels 438) head wax for balding people 439) beard donation for the less fortunate 440) concrete rings 441) carbonated milk 442) root beer ice cream 443) talking trash cans that compliment you when you put something in it 444) neck warmers for giraffes 445) whiteboards that are black 446) books made of kelp 447) a phone and wallet hybrid 448) gum flavored food 449) food flavored gum 450) elevators that have quick exercise machines in them 451) peanuts with extra protein 452) chocolate covered peanuts 453) peanut reeses 454) beard softener cream 455) coconut covered almonds 456) running shoes that are covered in reflective material 457) socks that are covered in reflective material 458) chewing gum that has vitamins or caffeine in it 459) hats with reflective tape on them 460) whiteboard markers that smell like fruit 461) crowdsourced maps that says where people go the most often or fav places 462) carbonated coffee 463) bars that have a section for underage people where they have odulles 464) a starbucks inside a starbucks 465) iphones that run android 466) cars that have glow in the dark wheels 467) concrete shoes 468) spotify for movies 469) uber for haircuts 470) diet chocolate 471) savory soda 472) shower that heats up the rest of the room so when you get out you're still warm 473) warm floor tiles 474) vegan fried chicken 475) nair branded for mens faces 476) shoes that are made to last a lifetime 477) ipads for mute people to help them talk 478) t shirts with turtle necks 479) chewing gum that has an appetite suppressant 480) home milkshake maker 481) sock dryer for when it rains and you get wet socks 482) hydrophobic socks 483) spicy pancakes, maybe pumpkin 484) reeses lollipops 485) chewy gummy lollipops 486) virtual job interview service 487) a fancy pants restaurant that only serves breakfast 488) a service where you switch jobs with someone in the same industry across the world for 3 months 489) waterproof running shoes 490) disposable umbrellas 491) tinder for food 492) app to post ideas that drunk people have 493) an app that connects drunk or high people with enterpreneurs to give them ideas 494) live stream karaoke 495) free boats for homeless people 496) yelp for barbers 497) live streaming for drunk people 498) tinder for biceps 499) uber for coffee 500) bring back the dinosaurs 501) messaging for github 502) popsicle delivery on a hot day. like it's a government funded charity to make the city happy 503) github AI detector to automatically solve merge issues 504) a chrome extension that adds a chatroom to every page on the internet 505) a website that you put a bunch of ideas into and it tells you objectively the best idea 506) a website where drunk people can entertain people for money 507) a phone cover that changes color depending on heat 508) a mood ring that tightens whenever you get angry 509) an anonymous essay writing platform 510) twitter for poetry 511) locks for your bagel bags to stop bagel thieves 512) anonymous polling service for college lectures 513) a cover for your phone that displays the date and time on the back 514) uber for homeless people 515) airbnb for pets 516) blogging platform for kids 517) cookies with fruit in them 518) fruitcake for the whole year round 519) brownie lollipops like cake pops 520) interactive vim tutorial in browser 521) free programming classes at libraries 522) vegetable flavored candy 523) grape on a stick 524) liquid graphite pens 525) cameras in your home that determine your pet's mood when you leave 526) a city where cars drive above ground but all the sidewalks are below ground 527) a blog platform specifically made for people trying to lose weight 528) an IDE that has real time chat with team members or people who are working on similar projects 529) a reality show that puts a bunch of drug using rock stars in a convent 530) instagram for programmers 531) aws tutorial for total beginners 532) justin bieber website that shows the progression of his music over time 533) blogs that you can only view if you're near the location they were posted 534) charity that gives domain names to promising web developers in 3rd world countries 535) service that hooks up a college freshman with a senior for a whole year and helps them get adjusted 536) beer that has protein 537) beer that gets you drunk but only on friday and saturday nights 538) tinder for homeless people 539) concert livestreams 540) tour bus livestreams for musicians (possibly on twitch.tv) 541) community lounge sponsored by cities (i.e. taxpayer money) 542) a school where you study in a different country for every semester 543) social workers that live in the projects 544) art gallery for kids under 5 years old 545) an app where you let other people listen to whatever you are listening to within a 1 mi radius 546) a dating website that matches you based on things you hate 547) a robot car that picks you up from an airport in a foreign city and generates a list of touristy things to do then takes you to each one 548) High heels with rubber heels 549) pool with a glass bottom on the second floor of a house 550) electronic pool table where everything is virtual 551) neck pad to prevent neck pain while using the computer 552) neck warmer that is literally a cat 553) justin bieber action figure 554) bill cosby pudding pops (not sure if they will sell very good now) 555) messaging platform for github 556) hacker news chatroom 557) a website that calculates how long until you die / how long you've been alive 558) league of legends in real life 559) headphones that are 100% biodegradable 560) gum that tastes like italian food 561) earplugs that are sticky so they stay in your ear 562) website that integrates with facebook and makes a graph visualization with your social network 563) watch that vibrates depending on your mood 564) food that freshens your breath after you're finished eating it 565) watch that tells you it's time to get a watch 566) rainbow deodorant 567) deodorant that smells like food 568) edible highlighter 569) TAs for your life 570) shoes that are gum resistant 571) glasses that track your eye movements all day 572) wireless computer charger 573) jacket made out of a blanket 574) computer chair that supports your neck 575) tylenol that has ambien in it 576) fig newton without figs 577) animated curtains 578) air conditioner that puts fresh smells in the air 579) headphones with a cup holder 580) professional quote maker manual 581) gum that doesn't stick to surfaces like under desk, sidewalks, etc. 582) holographic newspaper ads 583) bring back the pet rock 584) healthy jamba juice. Like Suja but made fresh and cheaper. 585) fruit flavored cola 586) savory soda 587) nylon jackets that don't make crinkly noises 588) computer that tracks your face and automatically tilts the screen to reduce neck strain 589) wallet made out of carpet 590) waterproof carpet 591) watch that can switch between analog and digital 592) jeans made out of cashmere 593) lotion for your hair 594) sponges that are infused with soap 595) jackets that keep you cold instead of hot 596) hot ice cubes. like not made of ice but it keeps your drink hot 597) book that tells a different story if you start reading from the back 598) alarm clock that yells at you instead of ringing 599) blog website for pets 600) lollipops that contain vitamins - for kids 601) apple watch that detects your mood when running and plays music accordingly 602) athletic shoes that automatically cool off your feet 603) waterproof socks 604) reflective socks 605) antibacterial tissues 606) salsa for foods that are not mexican 607) water bottle that is compostable 608) rent a shelter dog service 609) sunglasses that absorb sunlight and converts it to energy 610) sunglasses that change color depending on the intensity of light 611) eraser that whitens after it erases 612) community office space paid for by the city 613) free coffee for monthly muni/bart pass holders 614) flash drive that also can project images 615) electronic water bottle that cools down its contents 616) iphone case that turns red when your phone is overheating 617) magazine about magazines 618) headphones combined with earmuffs 619) beanie that keeps your head cool but blocks noise, mainly for use while you sleep maybe you can pull it over your eyes too to block out light 620) hair salon that gives you a surprise haircut every time 621) tie dye water glasses 622) water bottles with text that changes color indicating temperature 623) pencil eraser that makes your paper smell good 624) thot radar 625) headphones that amplify noise outside them 626) office chairs with seat warmers 627) office chairs with seat coolers 628) windbreaker that doesn't make crinkly noises 629) shower phone 630) a combination between wine and beer 631) spaghetti sauce with vitamins 632) digital magic 8 ball 633) electric bicycle 634) book where each chapter is a shortened version of a classic book 635) app to find the nearest public toilet 636) app to find where really nice cars are driving around 637) tv channel that just has audiobooks on 24/7 638) flavored rain 639) pumpkin spice almonds 640) blogging platform for charities 641) portable vinyl player 642) jacket made of hair 643) bus that has a bar in it 644) kindle that has the texture of a book cover 645) stickers that light up 646) beanie with a built in heater 647) breadsticks with marinara sauce inside them 648) inside out pizza 649) jean socks 650) exit signs that have built in fire & carbon monoxide detectors 651) a boat inside a boat 652) office chairs that massage your back while you work 653) sharpies that aren't permanent 654) public trash cans that automatically compact themselves 655) licorice flavored lollipop 656) savory churro 657) a guide to saving money written by a gangster 658) permanent expo markers 659) hand sanitizer that doesn't smell like alcohol 660) fetty wap voice modulator app 661) a restaurant that only sells mac and cheese 662) backpacks for pets 663) peanut butter and jelly breadsticks 664) bread that's fortified with protein 665) waterproof jeans 666) transparent jackets 667) movie theater where everyone has to share a free giant bucket of popcorn 668) digital stop signs 669) baguette with fruit baked in 670) painting where the center is blank but the art is on the frame 671) soylent for pets 672) stickers you can put on your zits 673) socks that light up like a christmas tree 674) weight scale that shows you a motivational message every time you step on it 675) get paid to translate foreign text and learn a language at the same time 676) protein bars that are made of fruit (like a lara bar) 677) TVs with personality 678) jacket with gloves that you can wear or hide in the sleeves 679) vine for musicians 680) alarm clock that punches you in the face when it's time to get up 681) burrito filled with chinese food (e.g. orange chicken) 682) protein bar that tastes like mint chocolate chip ice cream 683) pita chips that are sour cream & onion flavored 684) savory soda 685) dessert nachos 686) waterproof baseball cap 687) shoes that tie themselves 688) post-it notes that smell good 689) colorful plastic water bottles 690) a laundry machine that you can play video games on while you're waiting 691) tissues that change color when they're used 692) headphones that massage your ears 693) turtlenecks for exercise 694) jean underwear 695) lightbulbs that change color when they need to be replaced 696) napkins that you can put in the dishwasher 697) gloves that cover your fingers but not your palms 698) vegetables that taste like fruit 699) fruit lasagna/dessert lasagna 700) all rubber wristwatch 701) protein water 702) glow in the dark whiteboards 703) febreeze bidet 704) drones that fly lunch to your office 705) backpacks that go on your front (frontpacks) 706) jackets that button up on the back 707) self buttoning/zipping jacket 708) robot pets 709) bao burger 710) dog therapist 711) pre-seasoned rice 712) rice with protein 713) dinner cereal 714) shoes for your hands 715) glow in the dark jackets 716) sunglasses for sports 717) ceiling fan that periodically sprays air freshener 718) battery powered skateboards 719) toothpaste that you can swallow 720) mouthwash that comes in ketchup packs (portable) 721) diet ice cream 722) pie made out of whipped cream 723) polyester dress shirts 724) waterproof beanie 725) socks for your ears 726) vanilla brownies (whities/honkies) 727) square water bottles 728) tinder for racists 729) doorknobs that sanitize themselves 730) headphones that double as ear muffs 731) water bottles made of glass 732) headphones made of glass 733) sunscreen bar like a soap bar 734) double sided monitor 735) chest hair comb 736) coffee cup that you drink upside down 737) keyboard that emits smells 738) gym for only fat people 739) fast food restaurant that discounts if you're fat 740) bike that charges your phone when you ride it 741) backpack that you wear on your head 742) beanie that you throw in the freezer and it cools your head 743) soundproof tent that you can take anywhere when you need some quiet 744) a book on how to write a book 745) shoes for dogs 746) glow in the dark pillows 747) pool table with hologram pool balls 748) beard wax 749) pain reliever soda 750) stress ball that talks back to you 751) subway for burritos 752) portable coffee mug that holds milk and sugar in the top 753) shoes that tie in the back 754) highlighters that are multiple colors 755) shirt with one long sleeve and one short sleeve 756) sushi with french fries in it 757) pickled fruit 758) nylon running gloves 759) edible christmas ornaments 760) headphones that turn into earbuds 761) vodka bottles shaped like water bottles 762) backpack that has no pockets 763) hat that has pockets 764) floss that doesn't cut off circulation to your fingers 765) salted fruit 766) vegetables dipped in chocolate 767) glow in the dark phone case 768) water fountains at gyms that are filled with gatorade 769) toothbrush with accelerometer that tracks your brushing habits over time 770) coffee cup that changes color depending on the temperature of the coffee 771) coffee flavored tablets that melt in your mouth for when you're in a rush 772) t-shirt made out of newspaper (print, not actual paper) 773) two sided fork 774) cell phone and wallet combination 775) app that takes 1 cent off your transactions and donates it to charity 776) jeans that zip from behind 777) zip up running shoes 778) google maps that gives you directions based on the least amount of trash and other unsightly things 779) cordless earbuds 780) lollipop that freshens your breath 781) coffee for nighttime 782) chipotle for greek food 783) edible air freshener 784) sunglasses with side mirrors 785) steel toe running shoes 786) uber for garbage men 787) a book about books 788) sharpie that smells fruity 789) burrito with mac and cheese inside 790) colored contact lenses 791) dating app where you can only go out with a person if you've gone out with one of their friends 792) pineapple that smells like pine and tastes like apple 793) phone case that's edible 794) tortilla chips that taste like burrito 795) ear coolers 796) spray bottle that has breath freshener in it 797) headphones that vibrate 798) tylenol soda 799) breakfast sushi 800) rectangular water bottle 801) trash can that compliments you when you put trash in it 802) security cameras with smiley faces on them 803) air conditioner that warms up when you say turn up the heat and vice versa 804) microwave that warms up the room (and doesn't kill everyone) 805) rain jacket that gets warmer the wetter it gets 806) an autobiography generator - then again, I guess it would be a biography 807) socks that vibrate 808) deodorant for your under-areas 809) a car horn that plays a loud annoying guitar riff 810) a barber that gives you a book of haircuts to choose instead of just saying a little off the top etc 811) a music player that changes music depending on your pulse strength, rate, etc 812) a pill that quenches your thirst 813) hair gel that doubles as cologne 814) transparent cologne stickers that you can just stick on your skin 815) grilled carrots 816) burrito with african food 817) breakfast sushi 818) lightbulb that emits smells 819) a watch that literally tells you what time it is 820) a tie that ties itself 821) cereal bowl that separates the cereal and the milk 822) two sided spoon 823) spoon with a hole in it so it filters out the milk when you're eating cereal 824) coffee cup that keeps your coffee at the perfect drinking temperature 825) rainy weather shoes that have extra traction 826) office chairs that have neck and back massagers 827) wooden doorhandle 828) mirror that only reflects certain colors 829) reflective running shoes 830) tissues that smell good 831) pita chips that have hummus inside them 832) mexican food flavored lollipops 833) advil bottle that compliments you before you take some 834) baseball hat that has a football team on it 835) tabasco for desserts 836) spicy desserts in general 837) balloon filled with air freshener 838) reflective reading glasses 839) sushi with french fries inside 840) clothing line where every piece just has the name of the piece of clothing printed on it in big white letters 841) walnut brittle 842) sandals that you can wear in the rain 843) electric drum set 844) soda that's not carbonated 845) carbonated juice 846) clear lipstick 847) t shirt that changes colors every time it's washed 848) movie theatre for couples where each couple gets a private booth 849) edible action figures 850) umbrella hat, or just a waterproof hat 851) app that checks your happiness level on a scale of 1-10 throughout the day 852) weight loss coaching from your dog 853) water bottle with motivational words on them 854) an app that lets normal people carpool with food delivery runners 855) lightbulbs that get dimmer when they're about to die 856) luggage that gets picked up at your doorstep and gets sent to your destination 857) pre-toasted bread 858) bagels without the hole 859) socks with holes in the toes 860) a sock for your head 861) hair gel that colors your hair 862) hair gel that's edible 863) edible beanie babies 864) crystal light for food 865) water glass that's shaped like a water droplet 866) soda that tastes like water 867) socks that have built in toe warmers 868) socks that are waterproof 869) hearing aids that play music 870) frisbees for cats 871) netflix for music 872) netflix for cars 873) backpack that has a tv on the front 874) umbrella that is inverted 875) car boat hybrid 876) planes for the ocean 877) hat that has a clock on the front 878) church for atheists 879) self-warming pillow 880) haircut delivery 881) someone that comes to your house every morning and makes you coffee 882) hair salons that make your hair longer instead of shorter 883) self-cooling pillow 884) a hat that massages your head 885) different colored sunflowers 886) sugary sunflower seeds 887) instant coffee that doesn't taste like dirt 888) instant eggnog 889) uber for parties - they bring the party to you 890) tinder for things to do on lazy sundays 891) a site that recommends a book for you based on your mood 892) a sassy calendar app 893) vegetable juice that doesn't taste like vegetable juice 894) french fries made of something other than potato 895) leather umbrella 896) online dating for pets 897) online dating for pet owners but you can only see their pet photos not pictures of themselves 898) online dating except it's not dating you just use it to find chill friends to hang out with 899) poker except the winner gets to choose who has to permanently relocate to canada 900) artisanal fast food 901) beer that comes in gallon jugs 902) laundry detergent that smells like hot chocolate 903) airplanes where you lay down instead of sit in a chair 904) backpack with no straps... it just sticks to you 905) a chatroom exclusively for people who are having a headache 906) major league baseball except all the players are drunk 907) baseball hat that covers your ears 908) police officers that carry pool noodles instead of guns 909) cereal condiments 910) v necks... but for every letter in the alphabet 911) business incubator for restaurants 912) instant tea (powder instead of bags) 913) t shirt with a hood 914) denim socks 915) boxes not made out of cardboard 916) dating site that matches you based on what time you take a shower everyday 917) bicycle helmet with a flashlight on it 918) sunflower seeds with edible shells 919) anime for grandparents 920) a hat that has wifi 921) treadmill that dispenses a donut every 5K you run 922) dessert pasta 923) hawaii for cold weather 924) licorice that tastes fruity 925) twitter for toddlers 926) sausage company that teaches you german on the packaging 927) a magazine that gives you sparknotes on all the other magazines 928) cereal for lunch and dinner 929) scented socks 930) Amazon.com except you can only purchase things from the amazon rainforest 931) instead of food being delivered to you, you are delivered to the food 932) dessert popcorn 933) dipping popcorn 934) collared exercise shirts 935) dress clothes for exercising 936) a robot that you can argue with when you're stressed out 937) party foul police 938) mini golf, regular golf, and... huge golf 939) a bar called work. So you can say you're just going to work. 940) freelance cheerleaders that you can just hire for a day to cheer you on 941) coffee flavored candy 942) coffee flavored soda 943) blockbuster for household appliances 944) office chair that compliments you 945) getting married on a airline flight 946) stylish aprons for everyday wear 947) shoes for your hands 948) kale milkshake 949) americanized french fries 950) two sided iphone 951) beer in a plastic bottle 952) pretzels with sugar instead of salt 953) carbonated coffee 954) uber for baby deliveries/midwives 955) iced tea in capri-sun packets 956) paintings by dogs 957) pillows that vibrate 958) no bake brownies 959) benches that are made specifically for sleeping on 960) concrete trees 961) wigs for dogs 962) cold cocoa 963) sneeze stopper 964) cough blocker 965) nyquil lollipops 966) paintball except with delicious edible paint 967) indoor camping 968) diet s'mores 969) vibrating headphones 970) real gnomes 971) edible coffee mugs 972) chocolate dipped graham crackers 973) gummy bear that is the size of an actual bear 974) consultants for your life 975) sweet popcorn 976) flannel that is not plaid 977) funyun seasoning 978) vegetable chips 979) vegetable rings. like onion rings but for other vegetables 980) business jacket with a hoodie 981) palm tree garnish 982) coconut cereal 983) a bakery that doesn't sell bread 984) bread clothing 985) a train that you can ride for free if you dance the whole time 986) gym on a train 987) wallet made out of money 988) vegetarian chicken and waffles 989) trump wig 990) 4 wheeled bike 991) sparknotes for movies 992) chocolate snow cone 993) chocolate covered toast 994) ice cubes made out of frozen coffee 995) indian french fusion 996) grapefruit soda 997) combination between a grape and a grapefruit 998) edible books 999) vanilla brownies 1000) vanilla candy bar 1001) goodreads for movies 1002) dating website that matches you based on music interests 1003) headphones that you can sleep with 1004) TV that you can remote control to move it up, down, etc 1005) anonymous blogging platform 1006) e-cig that doesn't create vapor 1007) a site to connect unemployed people to volunteer opportunities 1008) jacket with ventilation holes 1009) running shoes covered in tarp to make them waterproof 1010) massaging office chairs 1011) post-its that are sticky on both sides 1012) TED talks hosted by criminals 1013) ramen dessert 1014) Kanye West virtual reality simulator 1015) crunchy gum 1016) microwave except instead of heating, it cools 1017) sushi -> replace rice with noodles 1018) vegetarian gelatin 1019) pet dancing classes 1020) backpack with a built-in umbrella 1021) transparent sandals 1022) aerobed chairs 1023) tuxedo swimsuit 1024) non-animated anime 1025) coffee that makes you sleepy 1026) multi-color bananas 1027) chairs that are made to sit cross-legged on 1028) pet dancing classes 1029) elderly computer programming classes 1030) electronic blackboard 1031) finger warmers 1032) running gloves 1033) plaid pants 1034) cup-pies (as opposed to cupcakes) 1035) parking under city streets 1036) commute to work in a helicopter and avoid traffic 1037) protein gum 1038) caffeine jelly beans 1039) pens with edible ink 1040) dishwasher that burns off food instead of using water 1041) pill you can swallow that makes you feel full 1042) e-book reader that has a hardcover like a book 1043) device that projects gps directions onto your windshield 1044) fried spaghetti 1045) battered and fried vegetables to eat at sports games 1046) protein water 1047) baseball except you can tackle people 1048) a bar where everyone has to sit on the floor 1049) schoolbuses that are not yellow 1050) homeless person virtual reality simulator 1051) beaches with no ocean 1052) shampoo/body wash line that smells like candy 1053) four wheel scooter 1054) nylon baseball cap 1055) soft bite size pretzels in a bag 1056) electronic legal pad 1057) caramel peanut butter (reeses?) 1058) drones that can carry passengers 1059) shoes that dry themselves while you're running 1060) oven that heats and cools 1061) macaroni and cheese salad 1062) peanut butter and celery sandwich 1063) phone case made of rubber to resist impact damage 1064) a refrigerator that locks when it's not time to eat 1065) carbonated tea 1066) dessert lasagna 1067) soundcloud for sound effects 1068) youtube for free indie movies 1069) airbnb except guests don't pay with cash, they cook for you 1070) DJ Khaled dog toy 1071) drink glasses with built in straws 1072) vibrating pillows 1073) spill shield for cup holders in cars 1074) hydrating gummy bears for athletes 1075) wallet that smells like fruit 1076) sweet peanut butter 1077) peanut butter flavored crackers 1078) edible straws 1079) skin colored socks 1080) running socks made of polyester 1081) slippers that massage your feet 1082) mobile ice bath 1083) sunscreen that smells fruity 1084) flavored ink 1085) trees that broadcast wifi/cellular signals 1086) shoes that have foot warmers in them 1087) plaid socks 1088) gas station that sells healthy food 1089) escalator for your house 1090) bubble gum flavored gatorade 1091) gum that helps you quit marijuana 1092) recycled jeans 1093) electronic office chair for reclining/lowering/etc 1094) melatonin lollipop 1095) tea popsicles 1096) coffee flavored soda 1097) running shoes that yell motivational things while you run 1098) lightbulbs that change color depending on time of day (see f.lux) 1099) sweet and sour spaghetti sauce 1100) baked potatoes for 4/20 1101) no flex zone - a gym that does not allow flexing 1102) electric ukelele 1103) rainbow whipped cream 1104) hair gel that dissolves after 12 hours 1105) vegetable pie 1106) fruity brownies 1107) dessert burrito 1108) book club podcast 1109) antibacterial doorknobs 1110) laundry bag that neutralizes odor 1111) belt that clicks like a seatbelt 1112) christian rap music 1113) electric piano 1114) otc pain reliever patch 1115) electronic ear plugs that play white noise 1116) homeless shelter that provides sleeping pods instead of housing 1117) put vitamins in the water supply 1118) pods full of cleaning fluid that you put in the toilet basin, and they dissolve over time to clean your toilet 1119) tinted mirrors 1120) running jeans 1121) drones that deliver meals 1122) pre-toasted bread 1123) baseball hat that has the home team on the outside and away on the inside 1124) silent vacuum 1125) juice boxes filled with tea 1126) running sombrero 1127) zero calorie chips 1128) dehydrated vegetable chips 1129) electronic kaleidoscope 1130) bed that rotates 360 degrees 1131) zip up t-shirt 1132) edible floss 1133) backpack w/ velcro instead of zippers 1134) citrus licorice 1135) sweet cheetos 1136) lemon gum 1137) umbrella hat 1138) goosebumps tv show revival 1139) rice infused with vitamins 1140) zero dollar bill 1141) e-book reader made out of paper with two separate screens, like a book 1142) caffeine lollipops 1143) headphones that are shaped like ears 1144) heavy metal with pianos 1145) virtual reality LARPing 1146) programming language for animals 1147) sandals that don't have a top, they just stick to your feet 1148) rice cream sundae 1149) t shirt you can put on without messing up your hair 1150) a book about books 1151) a quiet, soundproof room in the city that costs $5/hr 1152) thing that you can strap to your lower back to support good posture 1153) air filled couch. like aerobed