#this further proves not even the Brother Gods understand the importance of life and death

[normalest-of-knees]

Listen I absolutely love the Tree Lady/Blacksmith! She's wonderful and cool

However, I do feel that we get a bunch of info and lore that contradicts a bunch of things or starts to make other info fall apart

Namely, the getting through the door thing.

In the 9th episode, the Cat's explanation that Neo can't go through because she has nothing to go back to made enough sense to me.

Ok, sure! Perhaps Afterans cannot leave? Or, perhaps the Cat can't because they are important here? Who knows, but that's an interesting rule! Cool!

Then the Blacksmith explains about the Brother Gods and how they were given a door to leave, and the door would be open for them to return whenever they like. Including, any of their creations.

So then.... why couldn't the Cat leave??? My best guess is the Gods made it so that the Cat couldn't leave, so that they can stay and do their job for them. But that seems cruel (though, making a creature to take over your job for you and to take on everyone else's burdens but never have it's own burdens eased is also super cruel)

The Cat just wanted to go explore and find out why they were abandoned, how is that wrong?

Also, that "you can't get through the door without attachments to another world" thing seemed quite arbitrary afterward. Yes, the group have reasons to go back, but it just doesn't seem to matter anymore after the Cat is.... dealt with

And side note: does this now mean that the Tree/Blacksmith is THE God of this universe? As Ever After seems to be the origins of everything now. I know it seems the Blacksmith isn't necessarily the actual Tree, but still. She's quite important

And why didn't anyone ask her how to deal with Salem????? Is that not important?? Doesn't hurt to try, right?? Worst she can say is "That's for you to find out" or something...

Thank you for giving Ruby therapy, Blacksmith Tree Lady, but jeepers crappers I wish you were utilized better

[red-elric]

okay so like. theres a part of me that wants to say smth like 'after all his promises and morals, vash just kills knives? whats the point then!' but. ive been left FLOORED and still think its really good so lets think about this some more. like its not unsatisfying at all; let me figure out why. this might get a little stream of consciousness

i think the penultimate episode where vash struggles to come to terms with having killed legato is crucial here. he comes into the episode shaken; no one has the right to take the life of another, regardless of what they do, he's stopped living up to rem's ideals, he's killed a man and even though legato was a killer, even though milly and meryl and the townspeople would have died if vash hadnt killed him, theres smth in vash thats screaming out that its NOT RIGHT. that its a mistake. but then vash ackowledges that, and its through making the mistake that he finds his peace with what he's done; everyone makes mistakes, and as long as you keep trying to do better next time, youre still okay. and like.... that on its OWN still doesnt sit right w vash killing knives, but hold on! theres another layer

because whats REALLY important here i think is that vash is acknowledging that hes ALLOWED to make a mistake. and i think something much much deeper clicks here; this is the point where vash shifts from 'plant/superior being who preaches kindness, can always find another way out, and refuses to break his morals' to 'human who can and does make mistakes, and isnt any better than anyone else.' for as much as vash loves humanity and has tried to live among them, theres been heavy themes that hes NOT one of them throughout the show, even before its more explicitly revealed. humanoid typhoon. angel. plant. act of god. knives is so clearly out of touch with humanity, and embraces it, but vash is just as bad; hes just trying to pretend hes human. half his smiles are fake. his haircut is one rem gave him. one of his arms is a prosthetic and the other turns into a plant gun that destroys cities overnight and puts a hole in the moon. he doesnt BELONG.... until he does!

going back a step further here. wolfwood is absolutely crucial. he's an ideal example of the worst kind of human (and theres some deep heavy symbolism of him being a priest, the ambassador to a higher existence that speaks with the angels on behalf of humanity), he has killed time and again, he shoots a child to protect his own. vash cant understand him, until after he's already dead and vash has to shoot legato. wolfwood was a crutch for him, making the hard choices so that vash didnt have to, but he also becomes the model that vash follows, because even after everything else, vash FORGIVES him. vash recognizes that wolfwood was following his own morals, protecting his own people, and was able to grow and change and love in ways that prove that he was still, to the end, a good person. and if vash can offer that forgiveness and salvation to wolfwood without question, then it follows that he can offer it to himself, as soon as he stops acting like he should somehow be better than the rest of humanity

and all that on its own, with just the death of legato, is a very very good arc. so why does vash still need to kill knives afterwards? well..... because trigun is also a story about abuse. its about brothers who love each other so so much, but one of them uses that love to convince the other that the two of them are special, that the whole world besides them should die, that if vash would just sit tight and LISTEN to him then everything would be okay. a brother who cries like a child when vash dares to rebel against him, who insists vash is a fool playing games for leaving him and trying to save everyone else. vash spends the series following rem's final command: take care of knives. he cant kill knives, cant even hurt him, cant do anything to stop him when knives has been wiping towns off the map, because deep down knives MUST be good, there MUST be something worth saving, and vash is the Only One Who Can Stop Him. who can protect him. who can take care of him. and thats.... vash's way of seeing himself as the special little boy, the protagonist of the story, the Superior Being he keeps pretending he isnt. so OF COURSE when vash acknowledges his humanity and the fact that he just... cant do everything, hes able to see that actually, he cant fix knives. maybe no one can. and even if someone could, it would be a long time of people hurting before it happened. and vash can do something now to save those people and free himself from the cycle of abuse, so he does

and man. fuck. the shows been telling us from the beginning that vash is just some guy. we spend four or five episodes with no confirmation that he actually IS vash the stampede. he acts like a side character in his own story. its only when meryl starts to believe he's someone special that the audience starts to see it, and fittingly, its meryl speaking in his defense with the words 'no one has the right to kill anyone else,' as if shed say the same thing about anyone else, as if its not just that its VASH that drives her to defend him; thats when vash's humanity becomes real

anyway good show

[sarida-candy]

My journey

I knew the loa with the subliminals, three years ago. at first it was yandere subliminal. I had been trying to manifest one with subliminals for 7 months. I had a problem at the time. then I got to know about subliminal boosters. so learn that there were subliminals for everything. for a while I had to stop the subliminals. I come back to listen to subliminals and there were several people who were exposed (rose subliminal, celestial subliminal and another one I believe). so I started wondering who to trust, knowing that I wasn't listening to any of his submakers. then someone says to create your own subliminals yourself, so that we will know the affirmations. At that time, I had a lot of limiting thoughts. I had heard that if we knew the statements, our brain would have a hard time accepting them (that's wrong, you make your rules).

I had started doing my subliminals, but it didn't work, because I still had a lot of limiting thoughts.

Honestly, I think I forgot the existence of the loa. one day i go to wattpad and i see a story about loa knowing that i learned about subliminal from someone from wattpad. I decide to read and the person tells their story and tells us to do some research. I do research and I come across amino, reddit and tumblr. I went to tumblr more often to find out more. there are several people who said several completely different things.

the shifting becomes known and I begin to be interested in it. sometimes I succeeded sometimes not.

with shifting, I experienced manifestation. (I still had limiting thoughts.) I often read "you gotta do this, you gotta do that". I'm starting to read more and more about it.

one day on youtube I come across a subliminal "reality god", I am not a believer but, I found it disrespectful, so I went to read the statements and I did not understand. (now I know it's the same as void state).

a few months ago and I am reading more and more conflicting things. so, I'm leaving this community and focusing on shifting. I hear about permanent shifting. I had a lot of doubts about this. I had read that you had to die to go there. I even found subliminals about death and people saying it was to reappear. afterwards, some people said that people could just manifest. I do some further research on the manifestation, but again I come across conflicting things.

void state is becoming popular and many people say that it takes a lot of things to get there. afterwards, people were doing methods and saying that self-concept was important. but, my life was horrible, my former best friends bullied me and my brother tried to kill himself. now i'm better

now my concept of me is perfect, i can say that i am perfection.

I have already entered the void but I only realize it when I wake up.

what I've been able to manifest through affirmations or just thinking about it

stop hurting

an exact situation two seconds after saying it

predict what someone will say

have a certain character

an ipad

teleport lost item

know what a person is thinking

shift

a premonitory dream

time travel

swap two courses

and maybe something else but I don't remember

I advise the beginner to make simple manifestation, to prove to you that you are capable of it. but you are able to manifest that your whole life changes if you wish. don't give up, i know sometimes life is horrible, but always pull yourself together. prove to everyone who underestimated you that you are better

I believe in you I love you you make your rule don't worry about tomorrow

love, sarida-candy

[opheliawillowbrook]

How the Cookie Crumbles

To say his brothers fought would be an understatement: They warred. That. That was the better word. However, it was Dick who was the peacemaker among them. The mediator extraordinaire, translating all his brothers’ woes and misunderstandings into less doom-pending transgressions. But to say this unofficial, yet very necessary part he played was tasking was yet another understatement of unspeakable proportions. It was a FUCKING LOT.

“I swear to God, Drake. You and Brown are a special kind of stupid.”

“Shut up, Damian! It’s a good idea!” Tim grumbled in reply.

“Yeah! You’re just mad you didn’t think of it first!”

Dick’s face fell upon hearing the argument and considered turning the other way, but he’d learned the hard way that his lack of interference could result in bloodshed. Damian did have a history of stabbing Tim, and Robin had an impressive body count, according to Jason. I’d better  make sure he doesn’t add two more.

“Well, fuck me and my  entire life,” Dick droned in frustration. “What are you three bitching about now?”

“Damian keeps saying our idea is stupid,” Stephanie tattled.

“Yeah!” Tim added with crossed arms. “He says we lack the fortitude for good ideas!”

“You do!” the current robin exclaimed.

“Damian?”

The youngest batboy rolled his eyes and reasoned, “Listen, I know these two brain donors barely have two brain cells to rub between them—”

“That’s not the only thing they rub!” Jason called from the other room.

Damian again rolled his eyes in contempt and continued, “And I’ve accepted, as a member of this family, that everyone gets to act a little stupid from time to time. However, as much as I would like to respect their commitment to their shared stupidity, I feel as if they are abusing the privilege and it needs to stop before one of them gets hurt.”

“Wow, he actually cares,” Jason added from still in another room.

“Have you been sitting there listening the whole time?” Dick asked, near facepalm.

“Affirmative,” Jason confirmed, entering from the hall.

“And you did nothing to stop them fighting?”

“It’s funnier this way.”

“Do I always have to be the responsible one?”

“Affirmative,” all four said with little thought.

“Okay then,” Dick sighed with reluctance. “Damian, I know you find it hard to accept the choices of others, but you need to understand that free choice and expression is about accepting that others may not make the same choices as you, and that’s okay. It’s the same as you choosing not to take my dating advice and ask Raven out because you’re afraid of rejection—”

“Shut up, Grayson! This isn’t about me!!!” Damian spat.

“Damian has the hots for Raven?” Jason teased. “You have good taste, Mighty Mouse. She got a great—”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, Todd!” Dick and Damian ordered in unison.

“I was gonna say personality,” Jason droned. “Get your minds out of the gutter. I mean for fuck’ sake.”

“Sure you were,” Tim replied with a glower.

“Yeah Tim, cause you never stare at her tits while you talk to her,” Jason added, throwing him doubly under the bus.

“Dude, are you trying to get me killed?” Tim said, shooting an elbow into his brother’s ribs as Damian and Stephanie both glared. Spurring Dick into a further mood for murder.

“My point being is, just because you don’t like other peoples’ ideas, doesn’t mean they’re stupid.”

“Tell them the idea, guys!” Jason urged, stirring the pot.

Stephanie and Tim looked at each other and nodded, as though they’d discovered the holy grail itself. “We’re gonna write a series of YA novels and sell them on the web!” Steph sang optimistically.

“Yeah, it’s a huge and diverse market,” Tim added.

“And with established characters, we’ll make a killing.”

Dick’s brow furrowed. “That sounds like fanfiction?”

“It sounds like utter bullshit,” Damian sneered, not single fuck given.

“It’s not bullshit,” Tim snapped. “YA novels make up a huge portion of the market. People love those things.”

“Then name one YA novel that has sold more than a manga in the last 10 years?”

Tim shrugged. “I can’t think of one at the top of my head, but there they definitely exist and sell.”

“Yeah, so does my fanfiction based on this family,” Jason added under his breath.

“What?” Everyone asked.

“Nothing. Continue.”

“So anyway, I told Damian it’s a foolproof plan.”

Dick rolled his eyes with a bit of doubt, but who was he to judge or discourage their creativity. I mean, he dropped out of college after all? “I’m not saying I believe it’s bulletproof, because frankly, nothing is. But I’m curious why you would consider telling Damian? I mean, he hates most things.”

“And Drake. I hate Drake.”

“We’re all very aware, Dami,” Dick drawled in annoyance. “But yeah, why would you tell him anything important to you? Especially that?”

“Well, we kinda needed a loan. I knew Bruce would undoubtedly say no and, well, Damian has money.”

“Because I make good business decisions.”

“I don’t know why I thought of asking you?”

“You didn’t, Jason told you to,” Stephanie confessed, recalling an earlier conversation.

“Jason, really?” Dick tsked.

“Hey, Damian does make good business decisions. Who do you think cleans and invests money? It’s certainly not Alfred.”

“Because Alfred would have nothing to do with your blood money, Jason. And Damian, I’m very disappointed in you!”

“Grayson, I don’t know what high horse you are riding on today, but you better come off it. Father told me if I wanted money, that I needed to earn it and that I should get a job. So I got one.”

“Laundering money for Red Hood’s criminal Enterprise is not a job!”

“Actually it is. Mighty Mouse made us an LLC and everything. I own several Wash & Folds, all legitimate! Thanks to Hell Spawn here! I’m actually considering making him a partner.”

“So will your LLC fund our YA Novels?”

“Oh fuck no!”

“Come on, Jay! We have a solid business plan,” Stephanie pleased.

“You’re business plan is a bunch of meaningless numbers written on the back of a napkin and poorly illustrated versions of us,” Damian said, holding up the napkin in question.

“Okay, so it’s not the final draft, but we’re working on it!” Tim said pointedly.

“Yeah, as tempting as this all sounds, I didn’t make my money making half baked business decisions,” Jason reasoned

“No, you made it by taking over Gotham’s drug trade,” Dick clarified with disapproval.

“Which was a solid business decision.”

“Why do I even talk to you?”

“I don’t know why I talk to any of you,” Damian scowled, arms crossed, grateful there was no shared genetics between him and his adoptive kin. “I don’t understand what father saw in any of you.

“I can’t answer that,” Jason replied. “However, I can tell you, from personal experience, what he saw in your mom.”

“Do you wanna die, Todd?”

“Do you wanna not have a job?” Jason wanted. “Also, been there done that. But hey, if I died twice then I’d have buffy status so don’t threaten me with a good time, kid.”

“On that note, I’m leaving,” Damian grimaced. “I have to meet Raven, anyway.”

“Oh,” Dick sang. “You have a date!”

“It’s not a date.”

“Bet you wish it was a date,” Stephanie teased. “Y’know, if you just stopped acting like a dick all the time, I bet she’d go out with you.”

“Shut up, Brown.”

“Oh no,” Dick smiled. “I know it’s hard to believe, but he’s nice to Raven.”

“Hey keep that shit up,” Jason added. “If you’re nice to her, she’d be nice to you!”

“I hate all of you,” Damian proclaimed and stormed away.

“Fuck you too! See you at work Monday! Jason called, earning a tiger middle finger.

“He might be an asshole, but he’s a good kid,” Jason nodded with a sense of pride, causing to Dick to silently scoff. “Still needs to get laid though.”

“Bruce is gonna be so pissed when he finds out you pulled Dami into your bullshit.”

“You’re using Raven’s pet name for him now?” Jason mocked. “And fucker’s gonna have to prove it first; there’s a reason I hired ‘Dami’ for that job.”

“Dude, fuck you; dig your grave,” Dick lamented. “And don’t come at me with one of your tired ass death jokes, they’re getting old.”

“Suit yourself,” the Outlaw glowered as silence set in.

“So Dick,” Tim dared sheepishly. “You, um, wanna invest in--”

“Absolutely not,” the elder hero replied.

Leaving Jason to chuckle. “And that’s the way the cookie crumbled.”

If you enjoyed that feel free to leave me kudos 👉 here on Ao3 lol. If you have any remdom prompts send them my way; maybe I’ll feel inspired 😘

[twh-news]

Loki (TV): 5 Things the Disney+ serie got right (& 5 it ruined)

With its new Disney+ shows, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has managed to expand its reach and develop characters that didn't quite get enough attention in the movies. WandaVision grants Wanda Maximoff her rightful role as the Scarlet Witch while also developing her relationship with Vision. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier tackles some heavy themes as Sam Wilson struggles with the weight of Steve Rogers's legacy and Bucky tries to overcome his trauma.

In Loki, fans are reunited with a beloved character, one many deemed lost with his death in Avengers: Infinity War. The show centers on the adventures of a variant of Loki created after the Avengers' Time Heist. Loki's return to the MCU is more than welcome and gets many things right, but some elements could have been dealt with better.

10 Got Right: Loki's Enduring Affection For His Family Still Stands Out

Loki is easily one of the best villains in the MCU, and a big reason why he stands out is his affection for his family. He has a genuine bond with his mother Frigga, who is among the few people who support him. His rivalry with his brother Thor gradually disappears, and the two eventually mend their bond.

In the Disney+ series, Loki hasn't yet reached the right mental state to forgive and be forgiven. He is forced to confront the fate of his people--and his own--and it's one of the most touching moments in the series. Tom Hiddleston's portrayal is as always impeccable, adding another layer to the emotionally aloof god.

9 Ruined: His Character Doesn't Shine As Much As It Could Have

Despite the series being titled Loki, it doesn't really focus on him as much as it should. After Loki makes his escape using the Tesseract, he's taken captive by the Time Variance Authority and eventually joins them. He's then forced by circumstances into cooperating with a female variant of himself, Sylvie. Caught in a web of events he's unprepared for, he often seems just along for the ride. This wouldn't normally be an issue, but the limited number of episodes makes the pacing a problem. With a better balance, Loki's character could have shined through properly.

8 Got Right: Loki Is Confirmed To Be Bisexual And His Relationship With Sylvie Is Very Interesting

During a conversation with Sylvie, Loki comments that he's had relationships with both men and women in the past. The admittance of his bisexuality isn't a surprise, but it's still a welcome element. His subsequent relationship with Sylvie--who is, in the end, a version of himself--is interesting and chaotic, suiting the nature of the rule-breaking god.

7 Ruined: Sylvie Creates A Missed Opportunity As Viewers Would Have Liked A Truly Genderfluid Loki

Sylvie's character has its origins in the second Enchantress, Sylvie Lushton. Her look--mimicking Amora's in appearance--is combined with the concept of Lady Loki. Unfortunately, her presence comes at the expense of a highly-anticipated element of Loki's character.

Before the series came out, rumors were rampant that the show would finally give viewers a genderfluid Loki and tackle his sexuality in a more elaborate way. Loki's bisexuality may have been confirmed, but it doesn't feel like enough. Sylvie just isn't the Lady Loki viewers wanted.

6 Got Right: Loki's Relationships In The Series Make Him Grow As A Person

Throughout the series, Loki builds close relationships, not just with Sylvie, but also with TVA agent Mobius M. Mobius. Mobius places his faith in Loki and helps him realize many things about himself, even risking his own life for Loki. Meanwhile, Loki's romantic connection to Sylvie is so powerful it creates a nexus event. It gives Loki hope that he doesn't have to be alone, making him grow as a person.

5 Ruined: His Abilities Become Even More Confusing

Loki's abilities in the MCU have always been somewhat puzzling. He's a highly skilled sorcerer, but half the time, he doesn't use his powers. Thor mentions his brother shape-shifted into a snake as a child, but the ability is never used.

The Disney+ series makes things even more confusing. Loki is easily incapacitated by the TVA, even if their physical strength shouldn't be enough to overwhelm an Asgardian/Jotun. Later, after he makes his escape, Loki uses highly advanced telekinesis to hold falling buildings upright on Lamentis. The addition of Sylvie's strange form of mental projection muddies the waters further. It's not a new thing for characters in the MCU, but it could have been dealt with better.

4 Got Right: Classic Loki's Sacrifice Steals The Show

Sylvie isn't the only variant of himself Loki meets throughout his journey. After being pruned by the TVA, Loki ends up in The Void, where he meets Classic Loki, Boastful Loki, Kid Loki, and Alligator Loki.

Classic Loki easily steals the show, and his sacrifice to help Sylvie and Loki defeat Alioth is one of the best scenes in the series. Richard Grant's portrayal of the character is as powerful and emotional as Hiddleston's and leaves a true impression on the viewers.

3 Ruined: Most Variants Of Loki Barely Receive Any Attention

Despite the huge potential of the Loki variants, most of them don't get enough time in the spotlight. Kid Loki is said to rule The Void because he killed Thor, but the concept doesn't go anywhere. President Loki appears briefly as a villain, but his background is unknown. Alligator Loki--affectionately called Croki by the fandom--receives more attention than most other variants of the character. It's truly a shame, as each individual Loki had their own fascinating stories to tell.

2 Got Right: The Inclusion Of The TVA Tackles An Important Theme That Leads Into The Multiverse

Loki isn't the first MCU release that has mentioned the Multiverse, but it develops the theme much further, in a way that leaves a lot of room for further expansion. The concept of the "Sacred Timeline" sets into question the idea of free will, of the consequences of each choice. The TVA polices the path people have to take, enforcing a fatalistic design that would make many want to rebel.

Loki and Sylvie understandably want to topple it, but they soon learn that the TVA may very well be the lesser evil. With Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness just around the corner, the themes and issues that appear in Loki will doubtlessly be even more important than ever.

1 Ruined: The Overabundance Of Elements Makes The Final Villain Underwhelming

The addition of the Multiverse may have been a good idea, but the multitude of elements end up clashing against each other due to the format of the series. The introduction of a whole new figure as the villain ultimately makes him fall flat. He Who Remains may have great influence and power, but he doesn't do much except monologue. Presuming that he is indeed Kang the Conqueror, he isn't a bad choice as an antagonist. The series just doesn't do him justice, and the finale feels weak and underwhelming.

[cappymightwrite]

What are your thoughts on Ned Stark ?

Hi!

I have conflicted feelings on Ned. Probably just below Stannis, he's the Westerosi man most in need of therapy, in my opinion. Actually, that's an interesting comparison — Ned and Stannis, which I know has been commented on before. They're alike in many ways, in terms of reserve etc., which makes the fact that Robert saw Ned as his true brother all the more painful to Stannis (though of course this is never explicitly stated). But anyway, back to Ned.

There's certain things I struggle with in regards to Ned, even though I understand the reasoning behind his actions, or rather, inaction. So, it makes thinking back on him in a wholly positive and fond light somewhat difficult, as I suppose it must be for Sansa in a way, as well as for Jon, once his parentage is revealed. I don't wholly dislike him though, I actually value him a lot, I just take issue with:

Him never apparently trusting Catelyn enough to be honest about Jon's parentage (+ the way he avoids telling Jon, to some extent)

No matter how loving they were... there is this unresolved (and now forever unresolved) barrier at the heart of their relationship, an unequal exchange of trust, which was within Ned's power to lift, to make fully mutual. But he didn't. Now, he had his reasons, self-sacrificing and seemingly honourable as they may appear, and certainly the narrative required this secret to be kept. But even so, in terms of how I regard his character? It rubs me the wrong way because he never gave her the opportunity to sympathise and fully understand him, he cut himself off from that. And yeah, maybe it might not have improved Jon's situation all that much, but he never gave Cat the opportunity to think of him differently, in a way that wasn't dictated by the social mores of their world:

It had taken her a fortnight to marshal her courage, but finally, in bed one night, Catelyn had asked her husband the truth of it, asked him to his face.

That was the only time in all their years that Ned had ever frightened her. "Never ask me about Jon," he said, cold as ice. "He is my blood, and that is all you need to know. And now I will learn where you heard that name, my lady." She had pledged to obey; she told him; and from that day on, the whispering had stopped, and Ashara Dayne's name was never heard in Winterfell again.

Whoever Jon's mother had been, Ned must have loved her fiercely, for nothing Catelyn said would persuade him to send the boy away. It was the one thing she could never forgive him. She had come to love her husband with all her heart, but she had never found it in her to love Jon. She might have overlooked a dozen bastards for Ned's sake, so long as they were out of sight. Jon was never out of sight, and as he grew, he looked more like Ned than any of the trueborn sons she bore him. Somehow that made it worse. – AGOT, Catelyn II

"It was the one thing she could never forgive him" — yeah, me too honey! Ok, sure, we don't know for sure if Cat might have "overlooked" Jon's uneasy place in their household "for Ned's sake", if she knew he was actually her nephew — the world would still believe him to be Ned's, so to outward appearances the awkwardness is still there. And yeah, we don't know if she could have "found it in her to love Jon", but the truth certainly would have made it far more likely! But Ned decided that it had to be this way, that only he could participate in carrying this secret. So, I hurt for Cat AND Jon really.

I get why he doesn't tell Jon the truth. I understand his warped logic, how the trauma of his past informs this sort of self-punishing mentality of I must keep this honourable promise made of love till the day I die even though to the outside world it will appear as a stain upon that very honour... and to punish myself further for failing Lyanna I will never unburden myself to anyone, this is my cross to bear alone. I understand that, it's very manpain-y. But the problem is... it doesn't just punish Ned, it punishes Cat and Jon, and his other children too! Because they are by no means blind to this elephant in the room of their parent's marriage, and it's hard to rationalise:

He looked at her uncomfortably. "My aunt Allyria says Lady Ashara and your father fell in love at Harrenhal—"

"That's not so. He loved my lady mother." – ASOS, Arya VIII

Your father loved your mother, but he also had a child with another woman, whose identity he would never talk about. Your father loved your mother, but his dedication to this secret ultimately trumped being fully honest and open with her. It's hard not to feel that Ned's present came second to making up for the "sins" of his past. This is why he desperately needed therapy, lol, because (to take a line from my Byronic Hero meta) Ned's "traumatic past informs his present life," and to the detriment of that present life and those present relationships as well. But hey, that's the tragedy.

Also, I think his whole I'll tell you the truth when I next see you to Jon is really sketchy, because when exactly might that be, Ned? An avoidance tactic if I ever saw one. But really, I don't think he'd be emotionally equipped to have that conversation anyway... he might have said he'd tell him someday, but deep down, I'm sure he hoped he may never have to. And then he conveniently dies, taking the secret with him (or so we think)!

Allowing the death of Lady

Bran's wolf had saved the boy's life, he thought dully. What was it that Jon had said when they found the pups in the snow? Your children were meant to have these pups, my lord. And he had killed Sansa's, and for what? Was it guilt he was feeling? Or fear? If the gods had sent these wolves, what folly had he done? – AGOT, Eddard IV

"And for what?" Yes, quite. I don't really have much to say on this... I think this passage speaks for itself. There's probably some other things I could talk about, but those are my main two gripes.

That being said... what I value about Ned are his words of wisdom

The thing about Ned, for me, is that despite the unmaliciously meant pain he inflicts on his loved ones (which I do understand the reasoning behind, the trauma that informs it etc)... he's still ultimately a figure of hope to me, a notably flawed, but no less significant, ideal within the narrative too. And I think you need that — we need the memory of Ned as readers, and so do the Starklings. So, I love him more for what he represents, rather than his parenting and lacklustre husbanding skills. I value the fundamental truths he emphasises through his words, and the legacy of those words, embodied within his children.

For example:

"Let me tell you something about wolves, child. When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. Summer is the time for squabbles. In winter, we must protect one another, keep each other warm, share our strengths. So if you must hate, Arya, hate those who would truly do us harm. Septa Mordane is a good woman, and Sansa… Sansa is your sister. You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you… and I need both of you, gods help me." – AGOT, Arya II

Honestly, people can "squabble" about which Stark sibling is more important, more this, more that, till the cows come home. But that's what it is... "squabbles", and it misses the mark completely about why the Starks are the heart of the series. They are the Starks, plural. They may be different from one another, but they are "pack", and come winter, (TWOW, to be exact), once reunited they will "protect one another, keep each other warm, share [their] strengths", because those are the values Ned taught them.

These are the things to remember, despite all the hellishness. This is why Ned's death wasn't in vain, it wasn't an edgy twist, or the first whiff of grimdark... because his legacy didn't end with him, it lives on, it is felt throughout the series, right up until the most recent book:

"Be that as it may. My father sat where I sit now when Lord Eddard came to Sisterton. Our maester urged us to send Stark's head to Aerys, to prove our loyalty. It would have meant a rich reward. The Mad King was open-handed with them as pleased him. By then we knew that Jon Arryn had taken Gulltown, though. Robert was the first man to gain the wall, and slew Marq Grafton with his own hand. 'This Baratheon is fearless,' I said. 'He fights the way a king should fight.' Our maester chuckled at me and told us that Prince Rhaegar was certain to defeat this rebel. That was when Stark said, 'In this world only winter is certain. We may lose our heads, it's true… but what if we prevail?' My father sent him on his way with his head still on his shoulders. 'If you lose,' he told Lord Eddard, 'you were never here.'" – ADWD, Davos I

I love this line so much, and I love that it comes from Ned, that just as we are gearing up to head into the darkest parts of the series (because Winds is apparently going to be very dark)... we have this light, this hope, this "what if we prevail?" And it's connected to this repeated refrain about the certainty of winter — "in this world only winter is certain" vs. "winter is coming" — which is closely tied to Ned as a character. So, yes, "winter is coming", but don't be decieved into thinking that that spells disaster, that no warmth can be found, for there is always darkness before the dawn, just as there is always a winter before the spring... and in the winter the wolves shall "keep each other warm", they will "prevail."

In conclusion

Whatever his flaws and mistakes, and there are several, at the end of the day... I will love Ned for giving us hope, for reminding the readers, and characters, of what is really important — to take strength from your loved ones, to give them strength in return, and to not give into despair, no matter how harshly the snows might fall and white winds blow. Yes, it's not certain whether they'll live, but likewise, it's not certain whether they'll die either... and that's where you find the hope, the light against the grim dark.

So, for me, he's a character who makes my heart sink, but then he makes it swell again. That's the duality, and it's a choice which you put most stock in... I'll choose the hope he inspires every time ;)

[razieltwelve]

Minions (Final Rose x Game of Thrones)

Ser Barristan Selmy stood silently with one hand on the pommel of his sword as Prince Edward paced in front of the small group of men. It might have seemed odd for a boy his age to already be gathering his own followers, but Prince Edward was something of a prodigy in everything he attempted. Given who his grandfather was, the old knight wasn’t altogether surprised that he was turning his attention to more... underhanded things.

Honour, Barristan had learned, was important, but honour alone could not keep a kingdom running. A great ruler knew when to follow the rules and when to... bend them a little. His task was to ensure that no matter what happened, the prince would be safe. 

“You have been called here today,” Edward began. “Because you are all men with... certain talents, talents that I might find useful. You are also men whose services can be bought, and most importantly of all, you stay bought. I have need of such men, men who can be counted on to do what needs doing and who will remain loyal knowing full well that a prince and future king can offer more than mere coin. He can offer influence. He can offer resources. He can offer a path to a life beyond that of a sell sword or a mercenary.”

The men remained silent, taking the prince’s measure. Barristan was certain they would not find him wanting.

The leader of the group spoke. “Aye, we are such men. But what do you want us to do and what can you give us for doing it?”

Barristan’s first instinct was to bristle at the disrespect, but the prince merely chuckled and continued. 

“Good. I was hoping you’d ask. Fools and simpletons have their place, of course, but what I want you to do for me requires men of cunning and intellect.” The prince unrolled a bolt of silk. “Do you know what this is?”

The three other men shook their heads, but the leader answered. “It’s silk.” He paused. “I’ve seen it once or twice when I’ve worked for other lords. Pricey stuff, Your Highness, worth it’s weight in gold and then some, or so I hear.”

“Indeed. It is silk, and it is worth a great deal of coin. Why? Because nobody knows how to make it, save for the sorcerers of Yi Ti.” The prince’s lips curled. “At least, that’s what they’d like for us to believe.”

The leader of the men smirked. “So I’m guessing you’ve worked out how they do it then.”

“Yes, I have. However, knowing how they do it and actually doing it myself are different things. What I need you gentlemen to do is to get a few things for me - things that will allow me to make my own silk.” The prince’s lips twitched. “As you can imagine, there is going to be a great deal of risk involved: death, mayhem, treachery, all that sort of thing.”

“A great deal of risk means a great deal of coin.”

“It does... and should you succeed, you will receive a great deal of coin. But if you succeed, then it means my estimations of you are correct, and I’d rather not have men of your calibre wandering around, working for the highest bidder. I’d want such men working for me alone, as my men.”

“Long term?”

“For life if possible,” the prince replied.

“For life, huh?” The leader glanced back at his fellows, and they exchanged nods. “That’ll take more than coin.”

“I imagine it would.” The prince grinned. “So, tell me... what are your dreams? What can this prince of the seven kingdoms grant you that will secure your loyalty for life?”

One of the other men stepped forward. He was a lean fellow, but Ser Barristan’s experienced eyes saw the knives concealed in his clothing and the calluses on his hands. This was a man who had spent his entire life honing the skills of an assassin and cutthroat. “I have something I’d like, Your Highness.”

“And what would that be?”

“They call me Deron,” the lean man said. “And I’ve been doing this sort of work for some time. I never grew up with nothing, but I figured if I could earn a decent living, perhaps my siblings would grow up better.”

“I’ve heard worse reasons to go into your line of work.”

“Last year, I went back home.” Deron’s gaze darkened. “I’d been sending money back, you see. I found out my parents had wasted it all. They owed some bastard a lot of money, and they...” He took a deep breath. “They sold one of my sisters to pay it off. They would have sold some of my other siblings too, I figure, but my sister was also a beauty, and she’d just flowered...”

“I trust your siblings are no longer with your parents,” the prince said quietly.

“No. I got them someplace else.” He bit his lip. “King’s Landing might not be the best place in the world, but it’s better than being sold off.” He clenched his fists. “It’s not coin that will buy my loyalty, Your Highness. I’ve heard of you. We all have. They say the gods have blessed you, made you more clever than any man the Seven Kingdom’s have ever seen, but you’re more than clever. You’re talking to us, which means you’re cunning too. I bet you’ve got eyes and ears in all sorts of place, even in Essos.”

“I can either confirm nor deny that.”

Deron chuckled grimly. “I want you to use those eyes and ears to find my sister for me.”

“How long has it been exactly?” the prince asked. Ser Barristan could well understand the need to ask. Slaves... slaves did not last long in Essos. And a young, beautiful girl? There was no telling what might have been done to her or if she was even still alive.

“It’s been six months since I found out, maybe six and a half since they sold her.” 

“I see.” The prince nodded crisply. “Tell me everything you know. I cannot promise that I will find her, but you have my word as a proud son of the House of Baratheon that I will do everything I can to find her for you.”

“That’s all I can ask,” Deron said, bowing. “But I promise you, Your Highness, that if you find her for me or at least find out what happened to her so I can stick a knife in whoever was responsible, then I’m your man. The Drowned God could try to drag me down into the depths, and I swear I’d fight him off to keep on serving you.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” The prince nodded at the two other men besides the leader, the pair who were very obviously twins. “And you two?”

“Gold for starters,” the one on the right said. “Me brother and I survived by ourselves for years before running into these two. But we’re tired of going from place to place, always looking for another job, always wondering if this is the job where the man hiring us decides he doesn’t want to pay and decides to stick a knife between our ribs instead of giving us the coin we’re owed. We don’t want none of that anymore.” He knelt, as did his brother. “They call me Jerod and my brother here is Markel. Take us into your House, Your Highness, make us men of House Baratheon with all that means, and we’ll serve you till our dying day.”

“If you succeed, then you will have more than earned that right.” The prince turned to their leader. “And what would you ask of me, Bronn?” The prince’s lips twitched. “After all, you are the leader of this little group and one of the most reliable and well-known mercenaries in this little corner of the world.”

“Like the brothers, I’m sick of wandering. I want a place to call my own and the guarantee of a roof over my head.” Bronn took a deep breath. “ And I want a knighthood.”

Ser Barristan’s fists clenched. To demand a knighthood? The audacity... yet he had also seen men rewarded with knighthoods for less than what the prince was asking of these men.

“You succeed, Bronn, and it’ll be Ser Bronn.” The prince hummed thoughtfully. “And unlike the others here, I can tell you have greater ambitions.” Bronn nodded. “Should you become a knight in my service, Bronn, know that there will be opportunity to rise further. Why, who’s to say that you might not one day find yourself called Lord Bronn.”

Bronn’s eyes widened, and Barristan knew that the prince had him. “You would...?”

“Not for this alone, Bronn, understand that. But all lords were once mere warriors. It was by their strength and cunning that they rose. I believe that men should be given a chance to rise beyond the circumstances of their birth should they prove themselves worthy of greater things.”

“Lord Bronn?” Bronn chuckled. “I like the sound of that.” His lips curled. “What would you have us do, Your Highness? Whatever it is, we’ll get it done.”

X     X     X

A few months later...

The four men stood before the prince again, and Ser Barristan once more stood guard. They were all carrying a few extra scars, and it was clear that they were still healing from a litany of other injuries, but they had succeeded. In all honesty, Ser Barristan could still scarcely believe it himself.

Insects? Mere insects were the source of silk? Yet the evidence was clear, and the prince had already sworn everyone involve to secrecy while seeing to it that some of his most trusted and most learned servants tended to the creatures. Gods willing, it would all work, and the crown would soon be able to produce their own silk in significant quantities.

“You know,” the prince drawled. “I expected you to succeed, but I didn’t think you’d succeed in quite the manner that you did.” He laughed. “Half the docks at Pentos burned down. Entire districts left in chaos, to say nothing of the riots and other disorder that I’m sure you caused.” The four squirmed beneath his gaze. The prince, after all, had asked them to be as discrete as possible. “Yet... not a single one of those things could be traced to you. The four of you covered your tracks quite well, it seems. And the quest I gave you?” The prince smiled broadly. “You succeeded beyond all my expectations. I had hoped to secure a single box of silk worms. You lot came back with seven.”

“If I may, Your Highness,” Bronn said. “It seemed a good idea at the time. Given the ruckus we’d caused just to get our hands on one, we figured we might as well take the rest.”

The prince’s eyes gleamed. “This is why I chose you and your group, Bronn. The Yi Ti ship was only going to be there for a week, and it took me a stupidly huge quantity of coin to learn both its schedule and the fact that it would be carrying silk worms. I knew it would be heavily guarded, and I knew it would take extraordinary measures to steal some. You four created a chance, and you took full advantage of it. The results speak for themselves.”

The prince nodded, and four chests were brought forward by his servants. “This is the gold you were promised... doubled because of how well you accomplished your mission.” He grinned. “As for your other requests...” He started with Deron. “My agents have been looking for your sister. Based on the information you gave me, we’ve narrowed it down to five possibilities. The moment I know more, you will know, but I’ve given them instructions to obtain her, using whatever means they deem necessary should they located her. I’ve also taken the liberty of finding a new house for you and your siblings. The current one is not nearly good enough for a man in my employ.”

“Thank you, Your Highness.” Deron fell to his knees. “I’m your man from this day forward.”

“As for you, Jerod and Markel... allow me to welcome you to House Baratheon. From this day forth, you are my sworn swords, and you will be a member of my household. You will be lodged in the Red Keep as trusted members of my House, so I expect you to conduct yourselves accordingly.”

They too fell to their knees. “You have our thanks, Your Highness, and our loyalty unto death.”

“And now we get to you, Bronn...” The prince’s lips curled into a smile. “Or should I say Ser Bronn?”

“Ser Bronn does have a nice ring to it.”

“I’ve spoken to my father. He’ll knight you himself. But don’t get too comfortable - and this goes for the three of you also - because I’ve got more work for you to do.” The prince chuckled. “At this rate, however, I doubt it will be long before you find yourself as Lord Bronn.”

“Lord Bronn has an even better ring to it.” Bronn fell to his knees. “Your Highness. Whatever you need done, I’ll get it done.”

“Excellent,” the prince said. “Now, rise, all of you. Keep in mind that while you will be serving me, I will also be asking you to perform tasks for some of my... associates. Chief amongst them is my uncle, Tyrion Lannister.”

X     X     X

Tyrion looked at the four men who had walked into his office. To his keen eye, they were all dangerous men, none more than the newly knighted Ser Bronn. His nephew had told him of what these men had achieved and how they had done it. To take them lightly would be foolish in the extreme.

He gestured at the table with bread, salt, and wine. “Have a seat, gentlemen. We have a lot to talk about.” He chuckled. “As I'm sure you’re aware, my nephew and I have enjoyed a rather incredible rise in the merchanting world. However, there are those who would like to see that rise halted. Today, I’ll be telling you who they are and what we will be doing about them.”

X     X     X

Author’s Notes

Edward (Diana) knows that there are few things more important than an elite cadre of minions who are both loyal and skilled. Moreover, taking these men into his service deprives his enemies of them as well. This is especially important because men like Bronn are worth their weight in gold: deadly, cunning, and maniacally determined. It won’t be long before Bronn does indeed find himself the owner a nice, cosy castle in the Crown Lands.

That said, their little escapade in Essos is going to give people conniptions, especially the ones who were planning on doing the exact same thing they were. Indeed, a certain Sealord’s daughter had agents who were planning to make a move the very next night only for Bronn to steal a march on them and come away with the prize.

And speaking of Bronn, in this timeline, he has three associates he often works with. They’ve formed their own little group, largely as a survival measure due to how often treachery seems to plague their line of work. Here, they’re turning official although Edward will, of course, be hiding what it is they actually do for him. As far as anyone can tell, they are simply men who’ve been hired by the prince to handle things around the city after putting in a good showing after he met them along the road and encountered bandits.

Next on Edward’s agenda... talking with a certain Viper and securing the services of a certain Hound. 

If you’re interested in my thoughts on writing and other topics, you can find those here.

I also write original fiction, which you can find on Amazon here or on Audible here.

[fenweak]

High School AUs

College/University AUs

⭐ A+ fics (imho) | All of the recs

High School AUs

High Scores by popfly ⭐

Kaner is a DDR master, Jonny is ultra-competitive. Bollig just wants to make out with Shawzy.

Dynamical Systems by jezziejay ⭐ - math geek patrick! jock jonny!

Jonny’s plenty smart, but there’s hockey practice just before a double math period every Tuesday and Wednesday morning. He gets to class on time. Physically, he’s there. But his mind is still on the ice. Throw in a kidney infection that keeps him home for two weeks, and Jonny’s struggling. Not failing, but that C is dragging his GPA down, and his mom is making clucking noises. The same noises that mean hockey time is coming up for review.

There’s a note on the student boards advertising tutoring.

promise i'm worthy (to hold in your arms) [One and Only series] - teenage angst and american douchebags ft. ryan kesler

"So come on and give me a chance to prove I am the one who can walk that mile."

love is a contact sport by hazel, mermaid  ⭐ - high school soulmates!

"And the tragic reality of Patrick's life is that even though they broke up over a year ago, he and Johnny still play beautiful hockey together."

A high school AU, featuring dream-fish, bad movie dates, and a little bit of magic.

Movie Nights or Five Times Jonny Wanted Popcorn (and One Time He Didn’t) by CoffeeKristin

Patrick had only been working at the movie theater a few weeks when a noisy bunch of boys from his high school burst through the doors just before the last showing of Captain America: Civil War and come tumbling into the lobby, whooping it up. He sighed and put down the containers of popcorn he was counting, mentally preparing himself for the asshattery he was likely to endure.

“What can I get you?” he asked the crowd, and true to form, no one was listening so he waited another moment. Finally one of the boys got pushed to the front, stumbling into the counter. “Fuck, Duncs, not so hard,” he said, and oh. That was Jonathan Toews: Captain of the high school soccer team, president of the student council, son of the mayor. Basically, everything Patrick wasn’t.

do it how you want it done ⭐

(very vaguely) grease-inspired high school au.

yeah, i went there.

kissing your honeyed eyes by forochel

The one that's the British boarding school AU.

This Is What A Love Song Sounds Like by fourfreedoms  ⭐ - reunion fic but god the flashbacks! the angst!

When he came out after his freshman year of college his mother said she’d always known, and he’d had to fight down the bizarre wave of paranoia that maybe everybody knew, maybe they’d all just been letting him sweat all those years. It was crazy of course, there was only one person who’d known, who had any idea.Patrick Kane.

Ten years after they fucked around in high school, Patrick and Jonny meet back up at their high school reunion.

roll with it by hazel  ⭐

The one where a bunch of Blackhawks inexplicably go to boarding school, Tazer is the world's meanest DM, and Pat doesn't know why anyone would think cutting the head off a hydra was good idea.

Light Me Up by sahiya - where they both went to Shattuck!

Being serious about hockey always meant Patrick would have to leave home. For a long time he thought it would be for juniors and a billet family. But things don't go as planned, and he finds himself at Shattuck-St. Mary's.

His roommate's name is Jonathan Toews. He can't keep his water bottles on his side of the room, and he's unfortunately, stupidly hot. Because Patrick's life sucks.

boot theory by mentalistecbm - teen angst, break up

Everyone knows that they're broken up.

glory days by liketheroad ⭐ - soulmate, teen angst

He never expected his destiny to involve anything but hockey, never thought it would show up in flip flops, but when Patrick smiles at him across the locker room, quick and surprised, Johnny lets his priorities shift and change without a hint of reluctance or regret.

There's Only Blood Running In My Veins by mikarala - pwp

Patrick and Jonny are making out in Patrick’s bedroom when Jonny says it. “I--I,” he stutters out, in between a moan, “I want you to fuck me.”

Gold Seeking Ends by liveinfury - Flipped AU

“Wanna go on the tire swing with me after?” Jonny asks.

“No,” Patrick answers.

“Oh,” Jonny says, looking deflated. “What about the jungle gym?”

“Nope."

“Um, okay,” Jonny says, shrugging before walking away.Sam giggles some more. “I can’t believe Jonny, the dirt eater, likes you.”Patrick smirks at him. “Everyone likes me.”

(or Patrick and Jonny meet in the second grade. Jonny's instantly smitten, Patrick is...not. Ten years later, things start flipping.)

Keep Calm and Don't Think of Star Wars podfic by exmanhater ⭐ - A Clueless AU

After I once again assure Abby that Johnny and I are not, NOT related (by googling the difference between half-brother and stepbrother because jesus fucking christ am I am the only knowledgeable one around here?), she agrees to help.

but i can write a song 

“We’re not going to be called Jonny and the Patricks,” Jonny says, sounding entirely too put upon  about a name that’s clearly awesome.

[or; the high school band au you probably didn't ask for]

lost in brightness - pat, jon and a crowded train

“You’re gonna get caught one day,” Jonny sighs, herding Pat in front of him as they squeeze onto  the train, the crowd thicker than usual. It’s been raining on and off, fall well and truly taking the city in  its grasp. Jonny’s already looking forward to meeting Pat by his house every morning, red-cheeked  and rugged up, his face barely visible between his toque and scarf.

you're mending what's broken - a stats nerd Patrick story

The guy who sits behind Jonny in AP Stats wants to know how  many shots on goal he had last Tuesday. Or at least, that's how it starts.

A high school AU featuring stats nerd Kaner and his Tragic Hockey  Backstory (TM), without much time or inclination toward actual tragedy. Instead there is  discussion of Corsi. And kissing.

Examine Other Beauties by kiwoa - theater kids!

"I," Jonny says, and he slips his headset up from around his neck to nestle over his ears, "am not an actor."

"Good thing I don't need you to act."

"No."

"Jonny."

"Patrick."

"Please?" Kaner cants forward and tilts his face up to blink at Jonny. In the fluttering light that filters in from the stage, his eyes look unnaturally pale. "Just read the lines, okay? I want to see how well I've memorized them."

Jonny scrubs a hand over his face. The motion knocks his mike askew. "One scene."

A/S/L  ⭐ - 90s teenaged kids meeting on webcam omg

The internet is a dangerous place, or:

Patrick and Jonny meet, lie through their teeth, and fall in love. Mostly that last part.

Actual Prom King Brandon Saad by popfly  ⭐

Patrick might be a little jealous of the new kid.

Sure Brandon is basically the prom king from every feel-good teenage movie Patrick’s sisters have made him watch, but that doesn’t mean Jonny wants that.

Sign it with your heart by tictactoews + podfic by exmanhater  ⭐

Patrick loses a bet and is dared to plant an anonymous love letter into a random locker. It just so happens that the locker belongs to one Jonathan Toews, captain of the school hockey team.Meanwhile, Jonny finds himself in need of a math tutor, and following the advice of his teacher, he asks the new kid, Patrick Kane, for help.

a complicated kindness by liketheroad - young and figuring out d/s  ⭐

Patrick still remembers how scared Sharpy looked, just for a second there. He remembers not understanding why anyone would back away from Johnny when he was like that, why they wouldn’t want to strain closer, pushing to see how much further he’d go.

What Comes Easy by impertinence - summer camp of angst

Kaner's determined to never grow up; Tazer's determined to grow up as quickly as possible. Over eleven years of summer camp, they learn to meet in the middle. Set in stlkrchk's Camp Quaquanantuck universe.

mathletes are totally athletes by ukiyo91, yukonecho

Mathlete Patrick Kane never thought that when he was assigned to tutor hockey jock Jonathan Toews that he would be swept up into a new sport...or into Captain Serious.

Toews was like the guild leader Patrick had always aspired to be in WoW, but more of an asshole.

i'll be the embrace that keeps you warm by longtime_lurker - huddling for warmth

It is like death, but it is not death; lovelier. / Cold, inconvenienced, late, what will you do now / with the gift of your left life?

Clumsy by CoffeeKristin - a short first kiss fic uwu

“Knock it off,” she hissed at him. “He’s looking at you!”

“Who?” Patrick said, his head swiveling around, resulting in Erica smacking him again. “Hey! Quit hitting me!”

“Then quit being an idiot,” she huffed. “Jonny Toews, you dunce. He’s looking over here, and you’re biting on the string of your hoodie like a moron.”

look around once in a while by achilleees

One man’s struggle to take it easy.

Based off of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” but instead of girlfriends and daddy issues, there’s hockey and pining. And daddy issues.

Summer Lovin' by CoffeeKristin - est. relationship insecurities

Patrick's home from summer camp, and Jonny's first on his list of to-do's. Somehow a little actual angst/plot worked it's way in. But mostly it's just porn.

Ninety-Nine Point Three Percent by jimtiberiuskirk - best friends mutually pining

The problem is, is that Patrick is 99.3% sure that Jonny knows all about his giant, embarrassing man-crush on him.

bring it if you really want it by staraflur - harry potter AU

It starts like this:

Well, okay, Patrick has no idea how it actually starts. But as pertains to him (in other words, the important part), it goes a little something like so:

America, being a nation composed in large part of a melting pot of immigrants who may or may not have taken over land already owned by others using less-than-savory means, doesn’t have much of a magical national identity. Much less a magical continental identity. There’s no grand heritage going back thousands of years. Magical families home-schooled all their kids until, like, the 1800’s, and tough for the muggle-born, apparently. Hopefully you got noticed by someone who knew what to do with you before you got burned at the stake. Since you probably can’t control your powers, sport.

(if you're feeling down) i can feel you up by hawkeytime

"Hey," Patrick said appreciatively from behind where Jonny stood, stoic as always, by the side of the pool. "Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Because you have a sweet ass.”Or: How Patrick Kane spent his summer hitting on the hot lifeguard with the help of some inspired (read: awful) pickup lines.

kiss and tell by hawkeytime 

“Trust me,” Sharpy says, “this will be good for you.”And then, he shoves Jonny into what appears to be a mostly empty coat closet and slams the door shut behind him.

“What the fuck, Sharp!” Jonny calls, pounding at the door which is, of course, locked.

“Enjoy your seven minutes in heaven, Tazer,” Sharpy singsongs.Then, the bare bulb mounted on the ceiling flares to life, illuminating one Patrick Kane.

Fuck.

i know you are (but what am i) by booktubelover7 - always a girl!pat

Pat throws up her arms in celebration after Toews makes a beautiful goal off of Pat’s assist. She crows in celebration as Toews slams into her, shouting in her ear.

Pat’s playing, she’s playing, she’s playing. Not just that, but she’s winning too.When her line gets back to the bench, Pat leans over to speak into Toews’ ear. “Thank you,” she says. Her teammate just turns his head to look at her, a grin spreading across his face.

Love or Torture - a/b/o

Patrick Kane is too short, too Omega, and his heat too delayed for him to play hockey. Jonathan Toews has a plan to bring glory to both of them.

keep buying the stars by medusacascade22- teacher!Jonny 

“Fuck,” Jonny groans. He props his elbows up on his desk and lets his head fall into his hands. It’s going to be a long fucking year.

(or, in which Jonathan Toews is Patrick Kane's teacher, and shit gets real.)

College/Uni AUs

cello suite no. 1 - THIS IS ONE IS A CLASSIC 👌

The first time Jonathan meets Patrick Kane is because he hits him with a lacrosse ball.

In Jonathan's defense, he threw a perfect pass to Seabs, who failed to just reach the one or two feet above his head to catch it.

"Oh shit," Jonathan says when he watched the ball arc across the lawn and whack a blond kid squarely between his shoulder blades.

"Heads up!" he calls belatedly.

this is how we do it series by staraflur ⭐ - frat bros AU!!!

He doesn’t think Zeus is supposed to have a sword, but their Zeus does. So now Jonny does, because of course he’s in charge. He looks, Patrick is drunk enough to acknowledge, far better than anyone has a right to in a grody old Halloween costume that’s probably soaked up the butt sweat of dozens, if not hundreds, of Theta-presidents past. Jonny wears it, Patrick gets the sword. Win-win.

AKA that time there was a frat AU (of course).

This Heart Is Not For Wasting by fourfreedoms - oblivious best friends

Patrick puts his head in his hands. “How could this get any worse?”

“Wait, it’s not like, a big deal is it?” Duncs asks, looking at him and Jonny in turn. “The way you and Jonny are weird about each other? She’s gotta have made her peace with it ages ago.”

A college AU.

love song for love songs by boodreaus  ⭐ - angst, internalized homophobia

“Right,” Jonny says. “Cool.” He seems to hesitate, pausing when Patrick goes for the door handle, and then, right as Patrick’s bracing himself to run for the house, Jonny says, “You should come.”

Patrick turns back at him and is handed a piece of paper. “To our next show, I mean,” Jonny is saying as Patrick examines what turns out to be a flyer, thick black lettering taking up every square inch of space on the brilliant sunshine-colored surface. “It’s tomorrow night, at the showcase. Feel free to say yes or no or whatever. If you don’t know, it’s cool.”

“I’ll,” Patrick starts, and then stops, blinking up at him. Jonny’s just watching him, kind of, elbow resting on the steering wheel. “Maybe,” he finally says, and Jonny smiles.

yet we will make him run - some more angst, except more erudite

Kaner the English Lit major AU.

Sigma Chi series by hatrickane - frat bros hook up and then angst about it

Jonny and Patrick run into each other at a frat party. Patrick proposes a way to pass the time.

Can't Wait by LouLa - first time pwp

Pat's on a hair trigger.

when you flex like that - hookup in a frat party

Johnny isn’t drunk, but he does let Sharpy and a couple of frat-looking guys he doesn’t even know talk him into a contest of shots. It’s Sharpy’s fault — he appeals to the competitive side he knows Johnny can’t let go of at the best of times, and one of the guys, blonde curls, a lazy smirk of a grin, picks up on it pretty fast too.

Hope you don't mind by haroldslouis

“Oh, sorry, man,” the guy says, giving him a quick grin. “Thought you were someone else.” He taps the visor of Patrick’s snapback and just like that, he turns around and disappears into the crowd.Patrick doesn’t know how long he stands there, just looking at the general direction he disappeared in.

or, 5 times Jonny mistook Patrick for someone else + 1 time he definitely didn't

Room 4 Rent

Patrick stares at the ad for a while, clicking back and forth between the Craigslist page and his  fantasy hockey league, chewing on his bottom lip.

3 bedroom apartment near Loyola. One room available, others occupied by two male students.  Shared living room and kitchen. Two bathrooms. Rent split three ways. Email tazer19@gmail.com  or call 773-639-7812 for more info. No texts please.

are you buying what i'm selling? - frat party buddies

The Sigma Chi Halloween Bash is in a week, Jonny’s holding two tickets, and he has nobody to go with.

He had a somebody to go with, until that somebody decided Jonny’s student athlete life wasn’t worth  hanging around for. Their relationship was already tanking anyway; Jonny’s more upset about  potentially wasting a $40 ticket than that shit ending. Whatever.

Just A Spark by heartstrings  ⭐ - magical realism!

In a desperate attempt to hide his feelings from the object of his affections, Patrick accidentally drinks a love potion that causes the people around him to fall for him. Too bad it seems to work on everyone but Jonny.

do you know who you are? by liveinfury - frat bros

“Sure, Cap. I’ll try to keep it quiet.” Patrick winks at Jonny. “But be honest, you like the noises I make, huh?”

“What? Of course not!" Jonny sputters. "I’m not gay!”

(or where Jonny can't figure out why he feels so uneasy when Patrick brings guys home to their frat house).

The Great Desk Assembly Project - they were roommates

“I’m going to nail some shit,” he says. “Jonny, come watch me nail some shit.”

“We share a room, I don’t need to watch you nail anything else.”

“That’s not what you were saying last night,” Pat says with a laugh in his voice. He reaches back  behind him and punches Jonny in the shoulder for good measure.

No, It's Not A Secret by SimoneClouseau ⭐ - always a girl Jonny 

Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your boyfriend. No way, no way. I think you need a new one.

Jehanne Toews is dating a loser. Sometimes it takes a ridiculous awesome young star on the Blackhawks to see the light.

good form - always a girl Pat!  ⭐ 

“Best head of your life?”

“Yes, he was better than you, you competitive motherfucker.” Hayds says it like it’s a joke, like it’s funny, like it’s not the single most devastating thing a girl could say to Pat.

“A hockey bro gave you the best head of your goddamn life? Am I in the fucking Upside Down?”

“Believe it, baby. Jonathan Toews: hockey bro and magical pussy-eating wizard.”

forever i'll try for you and i by staraflur - always girls Jon and Pat!

It’s extra great—whenever Jo’s losing, she always makes like their running point tally competition isn’t real. Tonight’s true to form: when Trish holds up three fingers and points at herself, then two before pointing at Jo, Jo actually scoffs as she pokes at a couple chicken breasts with the tongs, trying to find the best one.

remedial at love - jonny ‘i'm great at math but the math tutor's really hot so i'm gonna pretend i'm not' toews

There have been a lot of things Kaner’s done that could be considered suspect. He chose the  Backstreet Boys over Nsync for the Kane Dance-Off Championship when he was 15. He opted to go  to Disneyland instead of Disney World for his high school graduation present. He frosted his tips after  coming out in 12th grade because he thought that was like, the obvious thing to do until he realized  this was not, in actuality, the 90s.

But this one. Calling up ‘Jtoews’ and requesting tutelage in math when he was a fucking wiz at math  was -- the most highly suspect of all.

Drink yourself under, fuck yourself over by Mythisea

Jonathan Toews is the sophomore captain of the college hockey team. Patrick Kane recently quit hockey before coming to college.

Jonny thinks Patrick would be perfect on his wing. Patrick would rather be drinking. Jonny does not approve.

Make The Moves Up As I Go by agirlnamedfia - tutor!Jonny with a dash of angst and pining

Patrick has his first Econ 202 class on the second day of the spring semester. It doesn’t exactly go well.

how to make boys-next-door out of assholes series by bessyboo, thisissirius - textfic

Yo man, Sharpy's having a party tonight. You up for it or you gonna be a boring shit and study???

it's only you and me by crystaljules - graduation blues

"We're so fucking stupid."

Overdosed on Confidence by runphoebe ⭐ - fwb, internalized homophobia

“Someone could -,” Jonny starts, breaking off when Patrick ducks down to draw Jonny’s lips against his, kissing him fever-hot and wet and desperate. Jonny’d be embarrassed by how hungrily he responds, but he knows Pat’s into it, moaning unashamedly into Jonny’s mouth when he tightens a hand around Pat’s neck. “Someone could see,” he finally gets out, voice rough, when Patrick pulls back, as if Patrick’s supposed to believe that that’s any sort of protest.

Patrick licks his lips, the hint of a smirk playing at the corners of them in that familiar way like when Patrick's got a particularly bad idea on his mind. “Guess you better be quick then, huh?” he says cryptically, waggling his eyebrows at Jonny. Jonny’s a second away from rolling his eyes and asking what he means when Patrick slithers off Jonny’s lap and onto his knees on the floor beneath Jonny’s table and - oh. Oh.

Silence Gives You Space by liveinfury - pining, misunderstandings

“Have you been avoiding me?”

“’Course not,” Patrick says. “I’m just letting you do your own thing.”

“My own thing?”

“Yeah, didn’t want to crowd your space,” Patrick blurts out. Fuck, he didn’t mean to actually say that.“You’re not…”

“Cool.”

tuck you in - getting together

“You sexiled again?" He smirks and stuffs down the fondness that rolls  through him at theway Jonny’s hair is rumpled and a little bit wavy.

Jonny sits up slowly, groaning. “Yeah. Fuck, this is the third time in a week  and a half.”

obvious from the start - radio DJs Pat and Jon!

It’s not like Patrick even likes radio, because he hasn’t really listened to  anything that’s not on his iPod or his Pandora stations in years, but when he notices the red and  white flyer advertising the student radio station on the ground, he picks it up with the  excuse that he’s trying to be environmentally friendly.When he played hockey they told Patrick that he was too small, too short to  be a hockeyplayer; that he’d never make it because of his size. Hockey is, was, his heart  and soul, and he’d put years and years of his life into the one thing he knew he was good  at; threw his very being into the best he could be to prove that he can do it, be the best,  even if he was small.

Patrick supposes maybe he'll find something else that he’s just as good at.

stupid college boys series by 19trash88 - Jonny is the cute guy from Econ class

Patrick’s not one to wax poetic about a penis, but if ever there was a reason to, Jonathan Toews’ cock would be at the top of the list.

Green Light by heartstrings - friends to lovers

Patrick knows two things: he likes sex and he likes Jonny. If Jonny's newly single there's no reason not to combine the two. Right?

Everybody Wants to Touch Some(body Paragraphs) by Kerfluffle  ⭐

Wherein Jonny writes the worst essay ever, and weirdness abounds.

Motivation by somethingnerdythiswaycomes  ⭐ - pwp

Only Jonny could keep working on his LIT-110 paper while Patrick was getting himself off next to him. Fuck, but Patrick loved him so much.

Muse series by by somethingnerdythiswaycomes

So Jonny had applied for every damn job he was qualified for, even the "life model" one TJ goaded him into.So Jonny had received an email the next day asking for his availability to come in for a session.So, as it turned out, it wasn’t some random chick that was going to draw him. It was some random dude.

So "life model" apparently meant "nude model."

You Love Me, I Love You Harder So by leyley09 - overly competitive boys on the hockey team

Patrick circles around him at center ice. “Jonathan, my team is going to kick your team’s ass so hard your parents will be embarrassed without even knowing why.”“I’m gonna give you a lesson in goal scoring you’ll never forget.”“Toews, you couldn’t give me a lesson in long distance spitting. Anything you can do, I can do better.”“Oh yeah?”“I can do anything better than you.”

Jonathan Toews is used to be being the best. He has zero clue what to do with competition.

Especially when the competition is cute.

middle ground by boodreaus - college road trip, friends to lovers

Jonny, Patrick, and an excellent adventure.

Who Knew by themistrollsin

Jonathan and Patrick meet after they're forced to go to a party by their best friends (Adam and Brent respectively).

Night Moves by heartstrings - meetcute

After a series of unfortunate drunk events that lead him from falling into a snowbank to being laughed at by the police, Jonny meets Patrick in an elevator.

Ignite My Fire, Object Of My Desire by ThalassicThedes ⭐- theater boys!!!

A good ol' fashioned College Au in which the college itself is hardly even mentioned. Just... make of this what you will.

absolute beginners by heartstrings, thundersquall

That time Jonny walked into a diner and accidentally got himself a temporary fake boyfriend.

Like A Classic - royalty!Jonny

So: due to a series of complicated and improbable events involving some sort of life debt and signed promise from two generations ago, it was decreed that Patrick had to marry the Crown Prince of Canada.

Captain Oblivious by wantstothrill - royalty!Pat

Why would Jonny care about the American royal family visiting his university? He's Canadian. He hasn't paid any attention to Prince Patrick since he was a teenager. He's more concerned with the very hot guy he's just run into, who's name also happens to be Patrick. What a coincidence.

+

check out the high school AUs tag aaand the college AUs tag @ 1988rebloggedfic!

[sapphicambitions]

I started writing a post that said “The reason the Percy Jackson and the Olympians is better than Heroes of Olympus is because it understood simplicity and character development” and then accidentally wrote like 10 paragraphs. 

The reason the Percy Jackson and the Olympians is better than Heroes of Olympus is because it understood simplicity and character development.

The PJO series was so effective was because of the simplicity of it. It was a well written and interwoven story that took place over the course of many years, but it was never too complicated. Each book was a quest and each quest had a prophecy and each book built up to the final battle in the Last Olympian. You never felt lost, you were completely engaged. Plot points and characters were set up a book and a half in advance. It was an incredibly well developed world and I will never get over how excellent the payoff was in The Last Olympian. The Annabeth & Luke stuff is to this day one of the best payoffs I’ve ever witnessed in a series. The way everyone came together in the final battle, everyone that we’d met over the course of four books? Impeccable. The Hestia plot line was set up from Percy’s first moment at Camp Half-Blood.The character arcs were stunning and realistic and truly a coming of age story. 

The way the series itself developed from the happy go lucky cross country road trip in the Lightning Thief to the first death of the war with Bianca we witnessed in the Titan’s Curse to the serious tone and action picking up in the Battle of the Labyrinth to the fact that 75% of the Last Olympian was just the Battle of Manhattan and it worked. It payed off. Ten years after the final book was released and to this day I say it is one of the best written series ever and I will love it for the rest of my life.

And Heroes of Olympus kind of... fell flat. For me it was just too complicated. It had so many characters and plot lines that it was hard for me to keep track of it all. Specifically House of Hades and Blood of Olympus, every time we switched to a new perspective, I struggled to remember what had happened when last we left off. Things were kind of  set up a couple books in advance but there was so much going on that they’d mention a character or an object and I’d be like “Wait, what’s that again?” ESPECIALLY with all the giants and their names that I couldn’t remember. Blood of Olympus had no payoff for me. Like, where was Percy’s sacrifice that was so heavily hyped up? How did the characters grow and develop? Rick was trying to do a lot over the course of the series with all the different perspectives and introducing new characters and I kind of think he lost sight of what made the original series good. Yeah there was a big plot and war or whatever but the original series was about the characters. 

PJO was getting to watch Percy go from an idiot twelve year old to leading an army to save his home. Seeing Annabeth go from a stubborn little kid trying to prove herself to the Architect of Olympus. Grover went from a total dorky mess to the Lord of the Wild. Clarisse went from a bully to a drakon slaying hero. We got to see Luke’s whole journey in all of it’s ups and downs and understand his character better. PJO was always about the characters, no matter how cool the plot and action was. It was always about getting to grow up alongside them. Now one could make the argument that Heroes of Olympus wasn’t trying to be a coming of age story, it was trying to be a cool action adventure series, which is fair. But I think the characters suffered because of it.

Percy and Annabeth didn’t really change over the course of five books, they just got more trauma. Hazel and Piper got like, good at fighting and using their powers, which was kind of badass. Jason figured out his career, I guess. I refuse to acknowledge Leo’s arc because it’s dumb that it was tied to a girl and falling for her and not realizing how loved and valued by his friends. Frank got promoted and like, I don’t know, found his courage, which was nice. I really liked Reyna but we never properly got to know her. I know absolutely nothing about Octavian. The only character who got an ACTUAL arc and is, to be honest, the MAIN reason I’m glad this series was written at all was Nico. Nico got an ARC. Nico’s story of feeling like a hated outcast to a welcomed member of the family with a home and people who love and accept him is the BEST damn thing about Heroes of Olympus and you can quote me on that. 

I really enjoyed Mark of Athena (because it plays directly into my found family lives together in a personalized home doing adventures and eating meals together niche interest thank u 2012) and there were good parts sprinkled throughout the series and I do like the new characters. I did! I thought they were neat. I just felt like they weren’t given proper justice. We didn’t see anyone long enough to actually get to know them. I missed the side characters of the original series. Like, where was Grover the whole fucking time? Clarisse? Rachel? The Stoll Brothers? Why didn’t we get to see more of Thalia? Honestly I didn’t really care about the Romans as much, where were the characters I grew up with? 

I’m also not going to get into the whole “so many things that happened in the original series were swept aside for the sake of interesting plot development like the minor gods being important or whatever” because like we know and I don’t have the energy to be upset about that right now lmao.

Further, Percy Jackson and the Olympians was all building up to one moment specifically: Percy giving Pandora’s Jar to Hestia and the line “Hope survives best at the hearth.” It is the thesis of the series. I’ve posted about it at length before because it is what ties all the books together. The idea that we should place our hope in our loved ones, our friends and our family, and if we do that, we won’t be tempted to give up hope again. I’m crying just thinking about it! Literally! That one simple line is what made the series so powerful and it truly felt like every single line, every single moment was just building up to that specific moment and I will literally never get over it. I am not joking when I say I want that line tattooed on me. It’s iconic and i think about it daily.

Heroes of Olympus had uhhhhhhhh..... It had..... ummmm........

I shit you not, I finished reading the book for the second time less than 24 hours ago and I couldn’t tell you. What was that series about? What was the thesis? Did it have any iconic lines?What was it all building up to? A battle? Like, cool I guess? But how did the characters grow and develop? You know what even if they did, I’m not sure I kept up with it because there was so much going on all the time! and I got lost in it! I read the series when it first came out and then completely forgot everything that happened in it! It was too much!

The spirit of the original books was never in the action and the monsters and the gods. It was in the characters, and how they grew up. How they changed and developed and became better people. How they all loved each other. It was about the promise of family and of hope. And that’s why the original series will always be exponentially better and hold a special place in my heart.

[mrpenguinpants]

Alright, I finally read Reincarnation no Kaben

AFTER MONTHS (it’s probably been a month? My mind doesn’t keep track of the days) I FINALLY CAUGHT UP TO RNK. Ty to Okita anon for the recommendation (*￣3￣)╭💕💕💕 I absolutely loved it. 

After this I’ll start on the other recommendation you gave me. I kept a bit of a log of my reading journey under the read more tag. 

Major spoilers for literally everything in RNK up to ch 53 “Withdrawal”. 

Oh, and I’ll finish answering all my leftover asks and I SHOULD have a fic done by tomorrow. I was so ready to write and then I got up. Now I’m back to bed. 

I’m just gonna write this as a log since I read super super slow and I’m only on ch 7 at the start of writing this but I’m really liking it already. Though to be fair. I love everything okita anon recommends haha. I remember you saying you were simping over Kouu and I haven’t gotten to the part where he appears but I wanted to quickly google what he looked like to prepare myself and I see this:

Well. That’s reassuring. 

I was actually kinda surprised by how many western figures were in the manga since I know there are only like 7? Around 7 western figures that pop up in any anime/manga but seeing people like Albert Fish was kinda surprising but I really liked it. Also, at the end of certain chapters they write little bio’s on them so you get to know more about them was such a nice touch.  I also love that the tradition of making males -> females still stays strong even outside the fate universe hehe.

---

Literally, the next chapter I see him. AHHHHHHHHH. Well maybe not him but his eyeballs. 

This guy lowkey reminds me of the MC’s brother but it’s 99% because he has the same long ponytail. I wouldn’t be surprised if the brother was apart of the the Greats. Honestly, Ein reminds me of those really hard headed girls that are actually really kind on the inside but aren’t good at expressing themselves (maybe because that’s pretty much her character). I also like that Ein doesn’t like males but she’s hiding behind this guy. At least, I’m..99% sure this is Ein. 

I FUCKING KNEW IT. AS SOON AS I SAW HE GOT A THEIF TALENT I COULD FEEL THE SOLO LEVELING VIBES IN ME. HE CAN STEAL TALENTS I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! I’m surprised that Neumann didn’t say anything and  Haito seems to be aware of it.  

Edit: Ah okay, I understand a bit now but it almost seems like Haito is the only one aware of Toya’s second talent.

Edit 2: Okay, as much as I love power hungry MC’s I’m really glad they didn’t make Toya into that. I am such a softie for sympathetic and kind MC’s like these even though it’s been done so many times. I’m really glad this didn’t feel like a rehash. I mean, some points some of the stuff Toya says it does but it’s fine, I don’t mind that. I actually gave a crap about him since I usually prefer the side characters (I UNDERSTAND ANON, I CARE ABOUT KOUU SO MUCH AHHHHH) but HAITO?? AHHHHH. 

---

I like that Izo always has the same hat in every adaptation he’s in lol. Istg, cats are always op. Schrodinger seems so strong and the parallel universes are my absolute shit. Sometimes I think, in one universe I did this and in this universe I’m not. Would I rather stay in this universe or be in the one where I am actually productive. Usually I pick the productive universe and actually work but sometimes I’m a bit of a slacker haha. I think this is my approach to a lot of things in life. But I digress, I don’t wanna get too deep into my life. 

I can sorta sympathize with the sinners. At least the ripper guy to say the least. I love love love unhinged characters that just want to basically destroy the world or at least have fun. But then you find out- wait they are actually sympathetic oh no. That’s how I felt about Djoser in “im the great priest imhotep” (please...i beg...someone read this...I’m so starved). 

As much as character development and rooting for the hero is cool and all, I just want to simp for the crazy “let’s burn the world to the ground” kinda character. I’m also so glad Toya doesn’t automatically become evil and try and steal everyone’s talents because he does seem like a good person and I really don’t see him suddenly switching fields so when he saved (I don’t remember names I’m sorry), the undead solider it was really nice. Proves that he still has his humanity and isn’t strictly relying on the branch of sin. 

It makes sense that he wants to steal talents since he never had one (and it was kinda out of left field when he killed Vlad and we just never addressed that ever again haha) but to see him actually consider his actions and if he actually want’s to steal his teammates talents feels right to me. Poor guy doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends so this is the first time he’s ever seemed to have companionship, aside from Haito, so I really hope he doesn’t attempt to steal their talents. I think I’m thinking of the slime? That time I got reincarnated as a slime manga/anime. Where he’s the pokemon catcher of skills. I thought that was where it was going. 

But I do kinda like how selfish Haito and Toya’s talent stealing relationship is (I mean, later it develops but my first draft of writing this I wasn’t there yet). I’m not sure if selfish or like self-gratitude/pride is the right word but it’s kind of a breath of fresh air. Rather than Haito trying to contain or “help” Toya’s inferiority she’s actually encouraging it and using her own talent for her own...acknowledgement? Er, yeah let’s go with that. 

---

This. This interaction. I love this. Like, genuinely love this. We need more of this. Two people from opposite sides finding some common ground and their fight to the death is less about morals or whose on whose side but for themselves. I love that. This is actually some wholesome stuff. 

Edit: AHHHHH CATCH MY UGLY CRYING IN THE BACK BECAUSE ALL THE “SINNERS” ARE ACTUALLY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. IM DEAD. YOU’VE KILLED ME. 

---

I KNEW IT! YOU CAN NEVER TRUST THESE KIND OF PEOPLE!! I’m going to slap the whiteboard on this but if I see any “goofy” character I’m immediately sus of them. 

As much as I hate that Hitler is getting drawn as a small child I really like this. I know the whole, oh I killed your friends but I’m letting you go because you express humanity but I’m gonna finish my death with a sympathetic line, can be annoying to people but idk I really liked this. 

Honestly this and the undead soldiers death hit me hard ngl. This manga might not have my favourite art style during some points compared to like main stream manga but it has some really beautiful scenes. 

BOOM CALLED IT, though it’s pretty obvious lol. 

THE PONY TAIL NEVER LIES AND HES DA VINCI IT MAKES SENSE NOW

He looks so cute lol. I like that Seiya has the talent of being talented in everything while Toya has the talent to steal other talents. Seiya can probably only cap his power by his own physical/mental abilities with Toya can pull a solo leveling and go further beyond. Thinking of it like jack of trades vs master of none type deals. Though, I might be thinking too hard on this. I like that this man is actually humble but I really wish there was a tiny bit more to him since we only get this one interaction/backstory but the manga isn’t completed yet. I really hope we get to know about Seiya more;; like how he became da vinci or etc. 

Everytime I see Neumann I look at that comic sans type and it kills me on the inside. But I love that her eyes are 01 just, mwah perfection. These little details that aren’t that big but it’s soooo nice. I also ahem, unhinged character heart be still. It’s really nice reading manga in bursts because you can see the art progression and damn does she look good. 

tiny fang appreciation post. 

ngl i’M HARD SIMPING FOR THIS MAN. It’s the pony tail, I have such a thing for guys with long hair (and this is why genshin broke me) but man the art really picked up here. 

I didn’t get into it but OKITA ANON I GET IT. KOUU??? AHHHH. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE??? As much as his whole “war” was a bit questionable in the beginning and tbh I still don’t really get it I like that he knows he’s not the same as the other Greats but still tries to help the other “sinners” in a way only he knows. That’s why Seiya was so important;; I get that he wanted them to have a fun death and to be understood but idk, the whole war idea and having them kill each other (especially the Hitler fights because I understand the others since they reached some kind of acknowledgement) but nonetheless, what a great guy.

Nightingale gives me mad masaki vibes from chainsawman. I hate them and I can’t wait for you to fail, but the inner part of my is cheering for you because unhinged characters are my shit. I feel really bad for Neumann, I had suspicions she wasn’t actually like that since it’s sooo out of left field but I’m really glad the manga seems to know what it’s doing. I really wish we got more Kouu interactions with everyone tho. 

NOW THIS. THIS IS SOME WHOLESOME STUFF. I WANT THIS. I REALLY WANT SPIN-OFF OF REALLY SAD ANIME/MANGA/STORIES WHERE ALL THE DEAD PEOPLE HANG OUT. That’s how I’m feeling about JJK and the scroll segments or BSD WAN that just came out. IT’S SO WHOLESOME TO SEE EVERYONE NOT TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER. 

UGLY SOBBING IN THE CLUBBB AND KOUU AND CHARLOTTE AHHHH. I hate how this is phrased but the respect I have for Hitler?? YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD THAT IS TO TYPE?? Kitazuka is cool tho, I really like him. Some god given talent. I’m hard simping over him but I really hope we get to know more about him later. 

Getting smug mona vibes, I love this. 

AHHH IVE NEVER FELT THIS UPSET OVER AN APPLEEEE. I’M ACTUALLY UPSET. IF HE DIES IM ACTUALLY GOING TO CRY MY HEART OUT. 

THE FAMOUS SLAP 

I’M SORRY WHA- SLENDERMAN?

Oh..wow. Okay, be still my heart. When I first saw her I thought she was really pretty but now I’m absolutely smitten. God damn, can I please have some more crumbs on these characters before they die;; 

AHHH SAME GIRL FUCKING SAME????? I adore these small panels and translator notes. It’s a real breather after the sad 3am hours talk these characters go through. 

Yagyuu. Jesus christ. WHY ARE ALL THE DEATH SCENES IN THIS MANGA ACTUALLY SO PRETTY AND STABS ME IN THE HEART??? that’s it. goodbye. im fucking out. im actually so upset rn. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME? 

---

In conclusion, and I should probably re-read what the characters say and not go off on memory because I’m about to get really deep. I really like how they phrased why they wanted to stop the branch of sin. That there are people just like Toya and Haito who, if they never found the branch of sin, could still probably lead respectable and okay lives. That there was a “them” in another universe that didn’t go down that road and that they want to be in the same universe as “them”. I know this sounds really confusing if you haven’t read the manga but going back to what I said about the parallel universe stuff. 

There was a universe where Toya and Haito didn’t rely on the branch of sin, that even without their talents from becoming a returner, they could still live a happy life given their own personalities and attitudes. It was kinda moving since in the beginning, Toya wanted a talent so badly and now that he has one. He’s realizing that wait, I don’t need a past life talent in order to live. Honestly, I hard relate to that because I totally agree with him. If you have a talent you can probably live a very happy and comfortable life that other factors wouldn’t matter if you just have that incredible talent. Thinking of it as a painter or artist, if you had actual god-given talent you wouldn’t need to worry about other factors since people would naturally seek that talent. So you end up comparing yourself to others and setting that limit on yourself. 

But that’s okay, it’s completely natural and I’m not saying it’s horrible if you do this. Fuck, I do this all the time. I’m not saying the manga is changing my life but it’s kind of refreshing that it get’s talked about since other adaptations of this just make the character super OP. I understand wanting to have that incredible talent, fuck who doesn’t? but you don’t need it in order to live earnestly in the bigger picture sense. Not everything you do has to be productive and honestly, learning to be okay with having fun is nice. Just being okay with who you are right now, even if it isn’t perfect in your eyes, you still have time to build upon yourself and your own talents but doing it for yourself. 

But I probably missed the point and I’m going way to deep haha. But I really enjoyed reading this and thank you once again to okita anon for the recommendation^^ I always love everything you send me and I’ll start reading the next one. If anyone else has any recommendations let me know! 

[let-the-dream-begin]

A Place to Belong: Chapter 12 Thicker Than Blood

Chapter 11

Read on AO3

Claire and Jenny were once again sitting in the grass near the mill, watching the children play. This time, Kitty was running around with them, and yelling as well. She was starting to speak in one word sentences, much to Jenny’s relief, things like “up,” “Ma,” “Da,” “jam”. More often than not, in chasing after her siblings, she toppled over, but after the first three times, Claire and Jenny stopped expressing concern. She was perfectly fine.

The little life inside Claire was growing more and more restless by the day. It was nearing the end of August, just over a month since the baby had started kicking.

Claire cried out softly, her hand flying to her stomach.

“Ye alright?” Jenny asked, looking up from the shirt she was mending.

“Yes, I’m fine…just a strong kick, is all.” Claire shook her head in disbelief. “Strongest one yet.”

“Sometimes it feels like they’re trying to bruise ye,” Jenny said, laughing. “Kitty was brutal to me. Though I’m sure that’s no surprise.”

Claire chuckled. “He seems quite eager to get out of me. I don’t know what the rush is,” she crooned, looking down at her swollen abdomen. “You’ve still got three months to go in there.”

They both chuckled at that, and then another thought crossed Claire’s mind.

“You know…” she absently stroked her bump, unable to take her eyes off it now. “He’s already further along than Faith ever was.”

“That’s a good thing, is it no’?”

“Of course. I thank God every time I can feel his life, even if it feels like a personal attack sometimes.” She gave a tiny smile. “It’s just…strange. I never actually got this big, her kicking never got this strong.”

Jenny put down her sewing for a moment to take Claire’s hand. “There’s no shame in celebrating what ye have wi’ this bairn, even though ye couldna have it wi’ the first.” Claire nodded silently. “Faith will always be the one to make ye a mother. Yer first born. But this one will be special to ye in his own way.” Jenny placed a hand on Claire’s belly. “D’ye ken what I’m trying to say?”

Claire nodded. “I do.” She covered Jenny’s hand on her stomach. “Thank you, Jenny.” Unexpectedly, her eyes filled with tears. “I wish…” She took a shuddery breath. “I wish she could have been buried here. And I wish we could have laid her father beside her.”

Jenny’s eyes swam with tears as well. “They’re together now, sister. Ye ken that.” Claire nodded, wiping her eyes. “He can be the father he always wanted to be. To Faith.”

Just then, Kitty shrieked, and both of their heads whipped up to see Jamie haphazardly holding her by the waist.

“Jamie! Put her down!” Jenny called. He released his grip, and she unceremoniously thudded into the grass, popping her head back up in no time and toddling away from Jamie.

“Christ…” Jenny groaned, but Claire started laughing.

“What do you suppose he was going to do with her?” Claire asked.

“Throw her into the stream I’d expect. He’s still angry she wasna a wee brother.”

Claire laughed out loud at that, wiping away the lingering tears that remained on her face.

“Auntie Claire!” Maggie’s voice squeaked, scampering toward them. She was clutching something in her wee fist, and she presented it proudly to her. “Flower. Fer yer garden.”

“Oh, thank you so much!” Claire beamed at her, taking it from her. It was a blue thistle, likely plucked somewhere near the mill. “This will be lovely with the rest of my herbs and medicines, Maggie. Thank you.”

Maggie smiled a wide, toothy grin, twisting her skirt in her hand.

“Give yer Auntie a kiss, Maggie,” Jenny said, knowing she needed it.

Maggie immediately obeyed, throwing her arms around Claire’s neck and planting a kiss on her cheek. Claire laughed joyously, returning the embrace and holding her tightly. It was hard to believe that come November, it would be three whole years since she had delivered this little girl. 

Maggie pulled away and bit her bottom lip excitedly before speaking again. “See baby?” she asked, looking down at Claire’s stomach.

“You’d like to see the baby?” Claire said, and she nodded, her strawberry blonde curls bouncing. “Come here.”

Claire took her hands and put them on her bump, and Maggie’s eyes lit up.

“If you are very patient,” Claire said, whispering to emphasize the importance of her words. “He may say hello.”

“Patient!” Maggie repeated, nodding again.

She practically bounced up and down, though she kept her hands glued to her Auntie’s belly the whole time. When the baby finally decided to kick, Maggie squealed. Claire and Jenny both laughed out loud.

“See?” Claire said. “There’s your wee cousin.”

“Hello baby!” she called, practically shouting at Claire’s stomach. “Baby cousin! Hello cousin!”

“You’re going to be so very helpful when he’s born, aren’t you?” Claire said, tickling Maggie’s own stomach.

She giggled. “Yes! I’ll help! Help baby!”

Claire kissed Maggie’s cheek. “Good girl.”

Jenny pulled Maggie over and covered her face with kisses, causing her to squeal all the more. “Run along now, make sure yer brother doesna damage wee Kitty.”

Giggling still, Maggie ran off to rejoin her siblings in the open field.

“Ye canna use that fer anything, can ye?” Jenny asked, picking up her mending once more.

“Not like this,” Claire said, smiling. “But I’ll cherish it nonetheless.”

She tucked the flower into a pocket in her skirt and picked up the sock she’d abandoned mending several minutes ago. Her cheek still felt warmed by the kiss that her darling niece had given her.

“Your children are so special to me, Jenny,” Claire said. “I can’t imagine what it will feel like to have my own child kiss me like that.”

“There are days when I take it fer granted,” Jenny admitted. She looked up at her children again, seemingly getting along for now. “But no’ today. The love ye feel fer yer child is…well, it’s the strongest thing I’ve ever felt. I look at them and I’m reminded I’d do anything fer them. Anything.”

Claire nodded in understanding, but she was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. Would she really do anything for her child? If that were the case, wouldn’t she have let Jamie send her back through the stones? This was a volatile world to bring a child into, with or without the dangers awaiting them at childbirth. If she’d truly do anything for her child, wouldn’t she have set aside her own wishes to bring her to a safer world, even if her heart would have died?

“Claire?” Jenny prodded, noticing she’d stopped sewing again. “What’re ye thinking?”

Claire swallowed thickly. She couldn’t tell her. Not right now.

“Just…worrying, I suppose.” Claire shrugged.

“Look at Maggie, Claire,” Jenny said pointedly. At present, she was holding Kitty’s hands and circling round and round with her. “The beautiful lass who just gave ye a flower and a kiss. I thought she’d die, Claire, honest to God I did. The second ye told me she’d be a breech baby I started accepting my own death as well as hers.”

“I remember.”

“Look at her now. She’s braw, she’s happy. During those hours and hours of agony, I never could have imagined this. This moment, now.” Their laughter, all three of her children, was loud as ever. “It makes sense that ye worry. Sometimes our worst fears come to pass. But sometimes, they don’t.”

Claire nodded thoughtfully. Maggie’s birth could have been dangerous even in the twentieth century, and they’d survived it in the eighteenth. Perhaps the same could be said for the little one that she carried now. There was really no way to know, and there was only one way to find out.

Another swift kick came, causing Claire to exhale sharply. Claire smiled to herself. She could practically hear Jamie admonishing their baby, telling him to stop beating his mother so.

“After all the work of carrying him around, this is the thanks he gives ye?” he would say. And Claire would assure him it didn’t hurt so very badly, and she would kiss him, and he would kiss their baby, rub his hands over her belly, quietly pleading with him in Gaelic to be kinder to his mother.

God, she missed him so.

——

August wore on, and Claire found herself settled in a comforting routine of breakfast, then gardening, then helping Jenny with whatever task, like laundry, mending, cooking. The herbs they’d planted back in June were doing quite well, and she now had a healthy supply of dried herbs for medicines and teas. Jenny had set aside a section of an old barn where she could properly hang things to dry, then come back to collect them and add them to her medical box.

Tending to her plants, taking little cuts and snippets, drying them, crushing them, mixing them, brewing them…it was cathartic for Claire. She was very grateful that Jenny had insisted she start doing this all those months ago. Her work was diligent and therefore mind numbing, and yet she was not working herself to the bone. She was getting the fresh air, the distraction she needed, without bringing any harm to herself or her baby. 

Occasionally her blank mind would be forced to return to the present when her nephew would barge into the barn, or when her niece would bolt up to her as she tended the garden with yet another flower that she simply had to add. She’d scoop Jamie up, hold him as high as she could to allow him to tie up a bundle of herbs with the others to dry, and thank him so very much for being so helpful. She’d take the flowers from Maggie and “plant” them beside the herbs, promising her that it would turn into a wonderful medicine that she could use one day.

“Flowers, Auntie?” She’d toddle up to her every day to check on them. “Me’cine yet?”

“Why, I think so,” Claire would say. “Look.”

And she’d show her the exact spot that Maggie had watched her bury the flower, and watch as her eyes popped out of her head to see the greenery that had “sprouted” overnight, which was really only Claire moving a few things around. Indulging her in this way had proved more of a feat than Claire had originally signed up for, because the more and more Maggie saw evidence of her efforts proving helpful, the more and more she wanted to help.

After a while, she’d had to gently tell her that there was no room for any more flowers, but that since it was so full, she needed her help to take care of it. She’d wholeheartedly agreed, eager to help her Auntie. Claire had deemed her “my little garden faery,” her wee helper. And Maggie loved it. Claire also adored it. It touched her heart in a way she could not describe that she’d been the one to bring her into the world with Jenny, and now she seemed to be attached to her at the hip. It meant more to her than she could ever explain.

Perhaps someday, when she was old enough to truly understand, Claire could teach Maggie medicine, really teach her. Perhaps someday the tenants of Lallybroch would have two healers to go to.

Claire watched from her garden as Maggie plucked weeds and flowers alike out of the dirt around the porch and the goat pen, singing in Gaelic to herself.

Yes, perhaps someday…but why rush away the beautiful innocence she possessed right now?

September arrived, and they were now in the throes of harvest season. The potato crop had done splendidly again, and though there was always the lingering fear of unknown possibilities, everyone was certain that they’d survive the winter once more because of it. Game had been difficult, seeing as they no longer had any guns to hunt with. They’d taken to setting traps in the woods surrounding Lallybroch, and for most of the summer they’d been lucky enough to have rabbit on and off every couple of days. Fergus would march himself right into the kitchen, proudly brandishing the wee beast from the trap he’d set all by himself. 

Claire was enjoying watching him thrive here. In Paris, he’d been confined to one small building his whole life, not to mention how unsuitable an establishment it was for children. Then even after Jamie had liberated him, his free spirit was confined by the high, brick walls of the city, his lungs clouded from breathing in the slums. In Scotland, at Lallybroch, he was truly coming into his own; as much as Claire hated to admit it, he was becoming his own man.

Of course, he was still only eleven—no, twelve years old (just turned it), hardly a man by any means, not yet at least. But he was unencumbered here. He had a family to belong to, a family to protect and provide for using the wilderness that surrounded him. If it wasn’t for his obvious French-ness, in his manner and accent, one would not question that he was a Highlander through and through.

And Jamie would be so proud.

Today, September the twenty-second, Fergus was gone for a peculiarly long amount of time. On the days where he checked the traps, he was gone right after breakfast and back in no more than two hours. It was nearing a third hour, and Claire was growing anxious. Was it irresponsible of her to allow him to run off into the woods alone? No, he could take care of himself. She knew that. Or perhaps she overestimated him. Twelve years old was still a child, whether or not the people of this time believed it to be so.

Claire was working fretfully on her garden, unable to bear the worst-case scenarios that whirled in her mind for much longer, when she heard hoofbeats come up the road. She whirled around and breathed a sigh of relief to see her boy trotting toward the house. Ian had taught him to ride over the summer, and he was getting quite good. Yet another thing that would make his father proud.

“Fergus!” she called as he got closer. “What on Earth took you — ”

And then she noticed the enormous bundle draped over the flank of the horse, behind the boy in the saddle. Fergus was beaming ear to ear, slowing the horse as he drew nearer to Claire.

“Is that — ?”

“A deer, Maman!” he said smugly, sliding off the horse and surveying his work proudly.

“How did you—? You couldn’t have shot it—?”

“No, Maman, the poor thing was in one of my traps,” he said, and his pride briefly morphed into sympathy. “They are meant for very wee animals, as you know, so it did not kill her right away. Just hurt her leg.” Claire couldn’t help but smile at his use of the word “wee.”

“It was very sad to see her suffering when I came upon her, but I knew she would only suffer more if I let her free. So I gave her mercy with my knife.” He gave a curt nod, like a little soldier. “And now we have lots of meat for supper!”

Claire laughed jovially and pulled him into a hug. Her hugs had become quite awkward lately, having to careen him around to her side so they could actually embrace each other. Two more months, she thought to herself. Two more months of feeling like an absolute tank in the way of everything.

She tenderly kissed the top of his head. “Wonderful job, mon fils. Why don't you join your uncle in the fields and I’ll see about getting it butchered, hm?”

He nodded, stretched up to kiss her cheek, gave her swollen middle a pat, and then scampered off around the house. She briefly caressed the spot on her cheek that he’d so briefly kissed, smiling to herself. He would never know how much his affection, his love, meant to her. 

Claire grunted and clutched her abdomen, exhaling sharply. Speaking of affection, she thought wryly to herself, smiling in spite of the most recent, ruthless blow to her womb.

“Easy there, little one,” she said, rubbing the spot. “You’ll knock Mummy right off her feet if you keep that up.”

“Good Lord, what is that?” Jenny suddenly appeared on the porch.

“A deer that Fergus killed mercifully after finding her in his trap.” Claire smiled proudly.

“Mo Dhiah!” she exclaimed, crossing herself as she approached the horse. “His bounty be blessed!”

“We’ll eat like kings tonight,” Claire laughed.

“Kings indeed!” Jenny gave the poor beast a pat on her flank. “Let’s get it ready then, shall we?”

It had been a great struggle to carry the animal inside to be butchered; many of their servants had had to be let go in the financial struggle that had followed Culloden. They were more apt to let go of the men first, as they would be more likely to find other work, and most of the male servants were attached to the female ones, either by marriage or because they were siblings. The Murrays were heart sorry to do it, and of course they hadn’t officially let anyone go until they found other work, but they simply couldn't afford to live like Laird and Lady anymore. The only servants left were Mrs. Crook, of course, who had firmly insisted that they’d have to drive her away with the switch (which had been met with “we wouldn’t dream of being rid of you, yer one of our own”), Rabbie, though he’d truly become more of a foster-son to the Murrays despite his status as their stable boy, and the Donnelleys, a widow woman and her wee daughter, serving as maids.

And so, Mrs. Crook, Jenny, Mrs. Donnelly, and even wee Laura, had struggled to get the beast inside. Claire had tried to help, but every single one of the three women had accosted her into stepping aside; how dare she, a pregnant woman at great risk, even think of lifting such an enormous beast?

Despite Claire’s initial annoyance, she was grateful for their concern. She hadn’t realized, but she was already quite sore without doing any heavy lifting. Once the beast was laid out, they each pitched in for its butchering. Jenny fussed over Claire all the while, never letting her do anything she deemed too strenuous. Even as her hormones raged and demanded revenge, she had to remind herself that Jenny was only looking out for her best interests, and she really was right. Claire had been very good so far about sparing herself from anything that would overwork her, and at seven months pregnant was perhaps the worst time to start changing that.

So she begrudgingly wielded the smaller knives, did not engage in any large swinging or hacking motions that would bring any greater pain to her back. Eventually the butchering was complete, and they separated the useful bits of meat and other things from the disposable bits. Mrs. Donnelly and wee Laura went off to be rid of what they didn’t need and then went about the rest of their daily tasks, leaving the sisters and Mrs. Crook in the kitchen to prepare the meat to cook.

It certainly was an all day affair, but the joy on the children’s faces, hell, even on Ian’s face made it all worth it. It was perhaps the heartiest meal they’d had in months. Everyone was all smiles, laughing, children and adults alike. Even Claire. She allowed herself to become lost in the food, in the drink, in the laughter of the children she had come to love and cherish more than her own life.

“Catching a full grown deer in one of those wee rabbit traps was surely God’s grace,” Ian said toward the end of supper, raising his glass to Fergus. “Either that, or our wee Frenchman is one lucky bastard!”

Fergus’s nose crinkled with the laughter he unleashed, and everyone else’s laughter followed.

“Sláinte!” Ian cried, and everyone echoed, even the children with their cups of water.

God’s grace…

Claire gave the table a glance over, her cheeks sore from smiling, her throat aching from laughter.

“Auntie,” wee Jamie pulled at her left sleeve, whispering.

“Yes?” She answered with contrived secrecy, leaning her ear closer to him.

“May I try yer whisky, Auntie?” he whispered, but the desired effect of quiet was not achieved, as everyone at the table burst into laughter.

Claire’s head fell back with laughter, before promptly covering the lad with tickles, kissing his head over and over.

“If big Jamie could have heard you say that…” Claire shook her head, still laughing.

“He’d surely give it to him!” Jenny said rolling her eyes at the thought.

“Uncle Jamie? He’d give me whisky?” 

“Aye, and I’d box his ears fer it,” Jenny said firmly. “No whisky until yer grown.”

“Fergus isna grown!” Jamie pointed across the table accusingly. Fergus put his hands up in surrender.

“Tell ye what, lad,” Ian said. “When you bring an entire deer home fer supper, ye can have all the whisky ye want.”

Without another word, Jamie sprang out of his seat and scrambled out of the room.

“And where d’ye think yer off to, and no’ excusing yerself?” Jenny called after him.

“I’m gonnae set a trap! Fer a deer!”

“Lord ha’ mercy,” Jenny sighed, exasperated. Ian laughed so hard he started slamming the table.

“Best be stopping the wee huntsman before he becomes a drunk at five years old.” Jenny stood up from the table, and Claire could see the glimmer in her eye as she followed after her headstrong boy.

“When can I ha’ whisky, Da?” Maggie suddenly piped, rising all the way onto her knees.

“Never,” Ian said, taking another sip of his own drink.

Claire chuckled to herself at Maggie’s adorable wee pout. “Oh, don’t worry, Maggie, my little garden faery,” she whispered into her hair. “When you’re old enough, Auntie Claire will share her whisky with you. Our secret.” She put a finger to her lips to emphasize discretion, and she copied, making an adorable “shh” noise. Claire laughed and kissed her forehead, overwhelmed with love.

God’s grace indeed, she thought, that these people are my family. 

Family in a conventional sense had been lost on Claire for most of her life. Both parents dead at five years old had left her traveling with Uncle Lamb for her childhood and adolescence. Then she was flung into Frank’s arms, then Jamie’s. Jamie had felt the closest to family she’d ever imagined, but this was different. This was a whole family, an entire wee clan that welcomed her with open arms.

My own family.

[iceshard1011]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Sanders Sides (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Characters: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, mentioned logan patton virgil and thomas Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Creatures & Monsters, Background Logic | Logan Sanders and Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Explicit Language, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Violence, Blood and Injury, Brief suicidal thoughts, Imprisonment, Temporary Character Death, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Inspired by Art, I Tried, i've had creativitwin brainrot for weeks, something had to be done, Time Skips, Haunting, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Good Brother, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Has Issues, They need hugs, Minor Original Character(s), they're just unnamed antagonists Summary:

Remus wished there were more stimulating things down here. Or that he wasn’t down here in the first place. Or that he was dead.

so @fangirltothefullest is an absolute sweetheart and allowed me to mess with some story concepts from her #halloween au, so cheers. i hope you don’t regret it.

5k word story below the cut :)

A modern-day architect would rather have called the castle a mansion, as it may have remained for that long but certainly not in its prime. By then, it would be overgrown and unkempt, with the rock stained dark and wood rotting, and one of the wings would be half-collapsed. By then, it wouldn’t be considered a castle, much less be considered livable. By then, the lonely halls would be acquainted with grief and heartbreak and a sense of ambition strong enough to feel stifling. By then, the mansion’s story would be long irrelevant and forgotten, save for two important variables.

After all, for a castle, it didn’t have a dungeon.

The cellar, for as large as it was, had not initially been very entertaining. It certainly was at least a little interesting now that anything within Remus’ reach had been torn apart and strewn across the floor. The shackles around his ankles and wrists were thin and flimsy but damned hard to break. He hadn’t even got a crack through the links.

Remus hadn’t gotten any ideas until one asshole ventured down into the cellar, gave Remus a smug smirk from where he was tethered in the corner, and snagged a handful of bottles from the far wall.

After she’d left, sauntering up the stairs like they owed her a personal favour, Remus had stretched his leg as far out as he could and kicked the shelf hard enough that it tipped. The sound of crashing glass and the inevitable distress from future intruders, stumbling down for a bottle of shitty whisky or rum, was enough to satisfy Remus.

Only for a small while.

When they’d found out what he’d done, a few brave pricks had tried to make him pay for it, but he’d got one of them in the groin and the other in the eye. They’d quickly decided the gashes in his legs from the littered glass was enough of a lesson.

It wasn’t.

Taking away their small pleasures wasn’t enough. Making them mildly irked at their lack of celebration drinks only fuelled Remus further.

The next thing in his reach were the barrels. The food didn’t matter all that much; potatoes, apples, a few boxes of nuts. He tipped them over, kicked them open, tried to make the ground as gross as possible and the food as uneatable as he could, all the while trying not to wince at the waste.

The only things that seemed to love it were the rats. Remus wasn’t sure how they got in, because as far as he was concerned the only animals that got into the castle were the ones he had occasionally brought in (at the expense of a poor few maids and their sense of sanitation and Roman’s patience) but they ate at the mess he’d created on the floor. He wished he could have said it was one of the best days of his life when they found the fermented grapes. They also ate the spiders in the darker shadows of the room, which he appreciated. It was a bit of a pain when his body defied him long enough to shut down and linger on the edges of unconsciousness only to wake up and find vibrating spiders itching up his face.

Sometimes, Remus’ acts of vandalization were less petty acts of revenge and desperate attempts to escape his own head because everything hurt and he couldn’t stop thinking and every time he closed his eyes, he was crimson soaked and he hated it and it was too much he just wanted it all to STOP—

Those were the times when the old portraits and unfinished artworks were kicked to the ground, dragged around, torn and ripped and cracked and destroyed. The canvases soaked with the floor and strengthened the damp, musky smell which anyone else would have hated but Remus was used to because he always returned home from trekking through rivers or swamps and Roman would wrinkle his nose at him and shoo him away to get cleaned while Remus just laughed in his face—

The noise made as Remus curled in on himself and pressed his clammy forehead to the ground was nearly inhuman.

He didn’t feel much like a human now anyway. Perhaps more accurately a feral werewolf, or a mutant cannibal with a mouthful of fangs, or maybe even a malevolent spirit scratching and clawing at chains wrapped along his body, if spirits exist, which Remus was loath to admit he had yet to be proved so.

(He’d always said that if he ever found a ghoul, he’d drag it into Roman’s room and set it on him for the pure joy of proving his brother wrong and god fucking damnit could his mind stop thinking for TWO SECONDS?)

Remus wished there were more stimulating things down here. Or that he wasn’t down here in the first place. Or that he was dead.

No one came down here, not after he’d attacked the food and drink and then any face that wasn’t familiar. Which included all of them, now. They had all probably figured that he had enough in the cellar to sustain him for however long they were going to leave him down here. Or they were going to let him die of malnourishment. He didn’t have much of a preference.

(He did, but it wasn’t the “right” preference.)

Once, he wasn’t sure how long ago now — hours, days? — a timid, shy looking servant had plucked up enough courage to venture into the cellar with him. They’d offered some clean food and a cheap chalice of water. He’d been mildly surprised when they’d gone so far as to placing it easily within his reach and not expecting him to pop a shoulder from its socket trying to get it.

Remus remembered thinking, for a moment, that they probably shouldn’t have been down in the cellar, and that food and water was probably not supposed to be for him, and they were probably risking something by doing this, and that they certainly hadn’t been part of the initial takeover.

But then he’d taken one look at what he’d been brought; the cruel reminder that he was stuck in a basement, chained and alive and he would rather just—  just—

He didn’t remember knocking the tray aside or lunging for the servant despite the chains painfully biting and tearing his skin. He could vaguely picture their terrified expression as they whirled and scrambled back up the steps, and the way the light dimmed with the slamming of the door.

He never saw or heard from that servant again. He hoped it was merely because they were scared of him now, and not something more sinister.

Remus shifted, his legs scraping across the ground. He wished the sharp sting coming from where the embedded glass pieces were enough to distract him from the bone deep throb echoing through his whole body.

He twisted his hands, a habit that had gotten him wrists rubbed raw and nails chipped and bleeding. It made his shoulder ache, too. He’d dislocated it at some point. Before or after being thrown into the cellar, he wasn’t certain.

It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if Remus found out he was already dying. Injuries he’d been dealt previously had yet to be treated, and he was willing to bet any chance of freedom that the open, festering wounds were now infected.

Breathing was painful, too. Whether that was the result of broken ribs or something else, Remus had yet to decide.

It didn’t really matter all that much to him, anyway.

Remus closed his eyes and wished for sunlight.

  The bush had clearly been munched. Remus leaned down to squint at it, eyeing the berries and the half-eaten leaves. The muddy banks of the creek proved Remus’ suspicions with a small, almost indistinct trail of hoofprints.

Remus grinned. He shook off the persistent black beetle, which had been trying to crawl onto his boot and turned.

“Alright Moonshine,” he announced. “We’re on the right track.”

The Appaloosa nickered in reply as he swung back onto her back.

“Yeah, I know I can’t call you that in public,” he said, “but there’s no one else around here, is there?”

Moonshine snorted in agreement. Remus nudged her sides and she started forward, delicately clopping over the riverbed. She was much more tranquil than Remus’ old horse, who had been an absolute delight to go on adventures with. Too bad Roman let the stupid advisors boss him into getting rid of her, since she was such a menace. Admittedly, she had been a menace, and admittedly, Remus had loved her very much.

Roman had given him Moonshine and told him to call her Moon in front of anyone else. Remus had decided it wasn’t an all-bad apology. This horse didn’t kick him when he approached her, which he supposed was a bonus.

Given Moonshine’s naturally mild attitude, he was understandably perturbed when she stopped in her tracks and began to back up. Remus frowned and scanned the surrounding trees.

“Nothing’s there, girl. Go on.”

Moonshine snorted anxiously. Her ears swivelled. Remus followed them, glancing back the way he’d come. They weren’t that far from home. What was going through her head?

The horse’s hooves skidded across the ground. Remus narrowed his eyes.

“You smell something?” he asked. Moonshine waved her head from side to side, her eyes rolling. Remus glanced up. Past the treetops, there was a trail of smoke curling up towards the clouds. He couldn’t see where it was coming from, but the unsettled feeling in his gut told him he was quite sure he already knew.

Despite her protests, Remus twisted Moonshine to face the direction of the castle and dug his heels into her sides.

 The slamming of the cellar door flung Remus’ eyes open, accompanied by the rapid thumping of his alarmed heart.

He scowled at the thudding of heavy boots on creaky stairs and wondered where Moonshine had gotten to. He hadn’t seen her since he’d reached the castle doors. He hoped she was still intact. Perhaps she had run away the moment he’d dismounted. Perhaps he was more of an unrealistic optimist than he knew himself to be.

Three pale faces bobbed down the stairwell and approached Remus. Remus greeted them with a snarl and feint, to which they all reacted wonderfully with varying degrees of fear. It satisfied Remus enough to remain passive while the guards gripped his arms and detached the chains from the wall. They dragged along the ground with a painful scrapping ring as they heaved Remus up the stairs.

He waited until they’d kicked the cellar door closed behind them to punch the first guard in the face.

He got a kick to his knee for it, and it collapsed under his weight, but they only had to put more effort into keeping him upright, so was it really much of a loss?

Remus didn’t know for certain where he was being taken — dragged, really — but he had a vague inkling that made something in his stomach uncurl ever so slightly.

Twenty minutes later, the first guard with a soured mood, the second with a bruised cheek and the asshole at the back with a broken nose, Remus considered it a win by the time he was flung to the ground at a pair of pretentiously shined stolen boots that glinted maliciously up at him.

“Providing my guards with a hard time, were you?”

Remus bared his teeth skywards. The asshat snorted, like he was amused at the display, and anger curled in Remus’ gut. He shot up, his chained hands reaching, grasping, clutching mere inches from that smug dickface’s gob.

“Go piss into a wolf den, asswipe,” Remus told him. He got another laugh in reply, so he jerked forward and smashed his head to the man’s jaw.

The dickweed staggered back with an agonised cry, and once more Remus felt something in him curling and clenching and biting because really, he couldn’t handle a little bit of a chipped tooth?

“Fucking pussy,” Remus scoffed under his breath.

The man, who was no more a leader than he was a sack of shit sitting in the middle of a grandly polished entrance room, waved to the balcony. “Get him out there.”

The balcony, Remus quickly found, was the centre of attention for a goddamn amphitheatre-esque performing stage.

“Putting me on my knees?” Remus asked as he was shoved to the ground a second time. Whale Penis sneered down at him, still rubbing his swollen jaw. “It’s not the most romantic setting I’ve ever seen. And you haven’t even taken me out to dinner yet.”

“One more word out of your mouth, and I’ll cut out your tongue before your head.”

“Sorry, you skunk-smelling scumbag-of-puke-smelling plaything for a dog,” Remus spat. “I’m into that.”

Cocksucker curled his lip distastefully. He waved his hand, and Remus was bent over a slab of wood that bit into his throat.

“Personally, I’m a bit of top, myself,” Remus said despite the glint of metal now shining ominously above his head. He had to shout over the noise of the people below. “But whatever. If you’re into doggy style—”

“Enough!” Son of a Screaming Banshee Bitch yelled. Silence fell. Remus squinted down at the crowd, but he couldn’t discern any familiar faces. Either they were hiding themselves from him, or… “I thought you would be far more amusing, yet unfortunately, you’ve proven me wrong. I have had enough of this,  and you.” He shoved a finger at Remus’ face. He’d bite it if he could. (Given his head was trapped between wood, waiting to be severed from his shoulders, he very clearly couldn’t. The urge was still there, though.)

Murderous Bastard turned to the man standing above Remus and said, “Execute him.”

The blade swung down. Remus grinned.

Finally.

 When Remus strutted out into the room, wearing before multiple servants, council members and advisors a frilly green dress blown out around his feet and shrinking down his chest so much it was a relief he did not possess the ideal female body, Roman’s headache returned tenfold.

It didn’t help matters that Remus was continuing a rant from the night prior — one that involved his very open, very shameless, very dangerous thoughts about some poor attractive sod he had seen the week he had ventured into town.

“Remus,” Roman said placatingly.

“You should’ve seen it; he was just looking for trouble dressing like that!”

“I can imagine,” Roman said, not unkindly. Normally, he would indulge Remus for longer, but he could tell that the others in the room were beginning to grow agitated and uncomfortable.

“And I don’t even know why I like him. He’s not even that interesting!”

“It’s all about looks,” Roman assured him blandly, moving his attention to the scrolls before him. One advisor leaned down to murmur their input to him.

“Ah, right!” Remus said, bonking himself on the forehead with the palm of his hand. “Dick size! How could I forget? I must be ill.”

“Remus,” Roman said with a sigh, and his brother finally, finally fell quiet. “I would like to hear more of this, truly, but… Perhaps at a different time?”

Remus wrinkled his nose.

“When I’m not in the middle of a meeting?”

Remus’ scowl deepened.

“That you should be a part of as well?”

Remus’ sour expression dropped. He glanced away, wearing the face of someone who knew they were caught red-handed doing something they should not have been doing. Roman raised his eyebrows.

Remus whirled. His dress swiveled around his ankles. “I’m going hunting.”

“Wearing that?” Roman asked after him. Remus flipped his brother off on his way out the door. Roman squelched his smile when he spotted the disdain on the advisors’ faces. He continued to discuss with the others in the room, quietly wondering how many more seconds in Remus’ presence they were from all having simultaneous strokes.

Luckily (or not) that didn’t happen when Remus poked his head back into the room, his dress swapped for his hunting attire and announced, “I’ll be back by sunset, probably.”

Roman hid his smile and told him, “Bring back dinner.” Remus grinned brightly and Roman was sure one of the counsellors almost squawked in outrage.

Roman was loath to admit it in front of anyone, but going about his day as he was required was a duty nothing short of exhaustingly mundane without Remus. His brother always provided some level of amusement, even if it became distracting at times. Roman supposed that burying oneself into one of the empty armour suits used purely for  décor  and prancing around to ambush unassuming servants was not an agreeable practice. Remus never enjoyed being cooped up in the castle, though. He got restless, and Roman knew he wasn’t simply “acting out” when crammed into small spaces, no matter how large the castle.

By the time Roman emerged and escaped to the balcony, his headache had spiked to a near-migraine. He tried not to slump but leaning against the railing felt pitifully relaxing after sitting rigidly straight for the entire day.

He was so busy massaging his temples that at first, he hadn’t registered the sudden disturbance down the corridor from him.

Don’t groan, Roman told himself as he stifled a heavy sigh and turned, venturing towards the noise. What was he going to have to deal with now? With any luck, Remus was back and causing mayhem. Roman could do with his brother’s carefree nature at the moment.

He didn’t expect the Great Hall’s polished floor to be splattered with blood and all exists guarded at weapon-point.

“I’ll ask once more,” a voice called. Roman traced it to one of the strangers, who was now looking down at a councillor. “The lord of the mansion is… where?”

The advisor’s gaze caught Roman’s, and he pointed without a moment’s hesitation. Disappointing, Roman supposed, but he didn’t have it in him to be surprised. The intruder turned, a wide smile plastered to his lips when he spotted Roman standing in the hallway entrance. The look in the stranger’s eyes was full of confidence, but one that Roman couldn’t see in a leader.

“It’s prince, actually,” Roman said, briskly walking to the centre of the room before one of the lingering members included in the odd style of takeover could take a swipe at him. “Given our parents were connected to the royal family.”

The man tilted his head. “Interesting. Do you always talk so highly of yourself?”

Roman tried not to scoff indignantly. “Do you always invade people’s homes to mock them?”

“It’s a profession.” The man stalked forward, strides long and slow and not unlike a hunting predator. Roman didn’t miss the sabre at his side.

Still, he only barely managed to repress the flinch when the blade was brought inches from his neck. “Are you aware of how many people your parents fucked over?”

Roman gave him a raised eyebrow. “Were you among them?” he asked, his voice pitched innocently.

The man’s expression darkened, but then dropped to be startled when he found his sabre being obstructed by the blade of a golden-handled rapier. Roman gave him a considering look and a smirk that bordered between sly and puzzled.

“This is not how I remember duels beginning,” Roman said. The man frowned, but the way he immediately tried to kick Roman’s knees told the prince pretty much all he needed to know.

“You’re not very experienced, are you?” Roman asked, easily sidestepping a slash for his shoulder. “Did you think you could just storm a random place with force and some scary blades?” He twisted away from a swipe at his ankles.

“I have help,” his opponent assured him. “If I wanted it, you’d be dead already.”

“You should meet my brother,” Roman said. Blood sprayed to the ground when his rapier left a line along the man’s cheek. “If you weren’t trying to invade our home right now, I believe you two would make a great pair for collective destruction and carnage.”

“I’m sure.”

Roman just barely managed to escape the severing of the tendons of his wrist with the next attack. He skipped a step backwards and used the change of weight and positions to darted around the challenger (a mild and rather polite label for the gang who had already taken several lives unauthorised and attacked without the laws of a proper duel in mind). The man’s legs buckled beneath him with one kick, and Roman leapt away before his own legs could be caught by the edge of a blade.

“What is this all about, then?” Roman asked, frowning at the man as he struggled up from the ground. His sword was lowered, if only in consideration for not attacking a felled objector, but his senses were still running on hyperdrive; the servant at the back of the room was still alive, just barely, despite the blood projecting from their throat. The two intruders near the hallway that lead to the armoury looked like they were discussing bets. To the left, a gang member was inspecting the rings on the hand of a dead councilman. “Surely you could have robbed this place by now.”

“I’m not going to monologue and give you a chance to hatch some grand escape plan,” Roman’s combatant snapped, rising to his full height. “I’m not that dull.”

“Oh, no,” Roman said, because that hadn’t actually crossed his mind, “I’m genuinely wondering what you’re thinking.” He was levelled with a doubtful look, so he continued; “This all seems either incredibly planned out or a spur-of-the-moment decision that carried you here with a number of men and weapons. So what do you want? Money? Is it a ransom? The actual lord and lady of the house died months ago. You can’t get revenge on them.”

“No,” the man agreed. “But I can with you.”

Blazing hot pain sliced along the back of Roman’s leg. It was so sudden and intense that he couldn’t bite back the scream that tore his throat. His knee buckled but he regained his balance by twisting away from his attacker from behind and waving his sword.

“I have help,” the man reminded him with a smug smile. Roman’s lip curled in distaste.

“No honour among thieves, I suppose,” Roman mused, grinding his teeth and forcing himself to stand straight. He wrinkled his nose after a moment. “What the hell are you burning?”

“The gardens.”

Roman rolled away from an attack from someone at his flank and whirled to glower at their leader. “Why?”

The brute dared to look Roman in the eye, shrug, and say, “Felt like it.”

Roman growled and left an open gash along his assailant’s dominant arm. The man shouted and teetered back. Roman swiped another wound down his calf. He dodged a hit from behind and ignored the shriek from the attacker behind him as they clutched at their eye.

Two other guards dropped the more their leader was pushed back to the point of the stairs at the back of the Great Hall, where he was tripped and pinned by a blade to his throat.

Roman glowered down at him. “I was already in a foul mood today,” he said informatively, “and I am less than impressed at your vandalization as well as the murder of the people who live here.” His eyes darkened dangerously. The tip of his rapier brushed the bob of the man’s throat. “Letting you go to live the rest of your life in a prison cell seems like a generous offer to me.”

The entrance doors burst open with a thundering crack and Roman jolted, his grip tightening on his hilt in fear of dropping it. He wasn’t expecting his brother to explode into the room in a furious whirlwind and start swinging his morning star.

“Remus!” Roman barked, almost involuntarily. What the hell was he doing here? “What are you doing?”

His brother glanced up, looked Roman in the eye, and smashed the head of one of his attackers beneath his boots. Roman grimaced. More blood spilled onto the floor.

The leader of the foolish escapade launched himself from the ground while Roman was distracted, and the two of them rolled down the steps. Roman flung his arm out to deflect a dagger stabbing for his face, but his sword flew from his grasp, spinning across the floor with a singing screech. He got another punch in on the leader before one of the moron’s backups dove to pin his arms down.

Remus shouted his name, and he twisted his head in time to watch his brother get kneed in the stomach and thrown to the ground.

He couldn't get up; the leader’s dagger was positioned to just barely be touching the edge of his eye in silent threat. He was going on about something to do with revenge and blah blah I’m a villain.  Roman pressed his knees to their chest, gifted him a winning smile, and kicked.

The moment that the man went flying Roman clambered away from the other guard, making for Remus at the same time as his brother smashed heads with his attacker, sending them slumping to the ground.

Relief made Roman’s muscles go weak for half a second, but it was all the leader needed to pounce on him a second time.

“Consider this a generous offer,” the man snarled and buried the dagger to Roman’s chest. Roman scrambled backwards, still looking around for his sword. If he could just—

He cursed as his arms dropped his weight.

“YOU SON OF A BLOOD-SUCKING PIG FUCKER,” Remus roared.

Roman kept his breathing even. He glared up at the criminal. “You’re a coward.”

“And you’re dead,” the man replied. Remus careened forward, missed the leader when he dodged, and paid him no more attention in favour of skidding over to his brother. Behind him, a guard raised a crossbow, but he was waved away. The leader watched the pair before him, something akin to sadistic interest lighting his eyes.

A few moments later, though, he’d wave a hand, and a group of his followers would pin the one with the angrily twitching moustache to the ground and drag him somewhere to be contained. There were more exciting things to deal with, and an emotionally repressed brother going through grieving was not one of them.

Remus was snarling like some wild thing, and when he stopped shaking his brother he whirled around, teeth bared and fists clenched and eyes unfocused.

He was knocked to the ground before he could attack. The leader got a fat blob of spit on his shoes and a disgustingly unfavourable insult hurled at his person shortly before a sword hilt connected with the back of his skull and he went as limp as his brother.

 Remus was having a Very Bad Day.

He wasn’t sure when he decided, exactly. It had probably been on its way for quite some time, but Remus was always bad at calculating emotional responses and realising when Bad Days were on their way, so perhaps this was not completely unexpected. It did not make anything any easier.

The smallest noises around the mansion had him jumping. Earlier, he’d snarled at the door that always creaked in the kitchen. He’d given Thomas a bad scare, too, when he’d looked at the werewolf and lunged for him with his own bared teeth.

Remus hadn’t realised it was so bad until Patton had walked into the room, screamed, and Remus had spun to see all the furniture levitating off the ground.

Growling, he shuddered from head to toe, trying to dispel the jittery energy tingling in his limbs. Which was stupid, he was being stupid. He wasn’t even physical anymore, he shouldn’t be feeling bugs crawling beneath his skin.

He regarded the jagged shards grouped on the ground and wondered if Logan was sick of him breaking his vases. Several vases, multiple lights, any painting he came across and a variety of decorative plates and bowls had already been destroyed in his trail.

He wanted to kick at one of the pieces, but only the wisp of his body misted around the ground uselessly. The chains strapped to his body scraped across the floor. Remus blinked down at them for a moment, and they began to morph into a pair of blood-splattered weapons and a soaked uniform.

Vehement fury boiled out of him in the form of a low snarl.

The furniture in the room lifted again, now shaking like Remus had dumped the bugs on them instead. Something behind him shattered with his clenched fists.

Movement caught his eye and he whirled, claws elongated and teeth sharpened.

Roman regarded him mildly, calmly taking in the destruction of the room. Remus shifted, still bristling, but now silent as he watched Roman move past him and try to push a flowerpot back onto the desk from where it was dangerously tilting forward. It didn’t move, even with his effort. Remus swallowed needlessly and joined him, successfully pushing the pot to a safer position.

“Sorry,” said Remus, sounding like dragging chalk and screeching metal.

Roman glanced at him. He didn’t ask what he was apologising for. He never did. Remus wondered if he feared the answer. “You’re a poltergeist. Isn’t this behaviour standard?”

Remus worked his jaw, but nothing came out. Roman’s gaze swept back over the room. “Logan will be grateful you spared his photo frames.”

Remus cracked a cheek-to-cheek smile full of teeth. “Only for when Patton’s not in the mood.” 

Roman visually sighed, though no sound accompanied the gesture. Remus tried scratching at his arms, but they only phased harmlessly through. He growled to himself. Roman squinted at him. “Your neck is bleeding again.”

Remus took the opportunity to tilt his head exaggeratedly and unnaturally to the side. Roman’s face twitched, a hint of a wince.

“Remus,” he admonished quietly.

Remus shrugged and shifted away. He frowned at the far wall. Roman did not reach for him. He never did. Remus never asked; he had a solid idea why. If he were in his brother’s position, he wouldn’t care much for being affectionate with him, either.

“Virgil and Thomas were making warm drinks when I last left them. Would you like to join them?”

“We can’t drink that shit,” Remus spat.

Roman didn’t react. “It’s not about the drinks.” Remus curled his lip. “I know you don’t like to interact with them, but perhaps it will be good for you.”

Remus gnashed his teeth. The chains curling heavier around his body. He glanced down the hallway. If he concentrated hard enough, he could imagine Thomas’ joyful laughter and Patton’s giggles. It made him angry, how they could be so carefree. How they got away with being monsters and could still smile.

“Come on.” Roman brushed past him, their shoulders just barely touching for a mere moment. “If you hate it still after a little while, I won’t bother you again.”

Remus huffed. He trailed after his brother, shoulders slumped. Roman glanced back at him and he scowled back, making his point evidently clear without whining further.

Then, Roman gifted him a small, genuine smile. Something in Remus’ chest leaped, but it couldn’t have been his heart because that thing didn’t work anymore.

He grinned back, but by the sad look in Roman’s eyes, he could tell his brother knew it wasn’t genuine.

“Only a little while,” Roman reminded him. Remus sighed, low and grating and painful. The blood around his throat lessened, only slightly.

“A little while,” he echoed, and followed his brother.

[orionsangel86]

75 Must Watch Supernatural Episodes in preparation for Season 15

As you might recall, a while ago TV Guide posted an article about their choice of the top 75 episodes of Supernatural to watch as a catch up of the series before the final season. 

I read that article, and found myself absolutely horrified at many of their choices and outraged that many of the all time best episodes (including ones extremely important to the story) were missed off.

Everyone has their own opinions of course, but when I disagree with something that much it tends to motivate me to act out of pure spite - I do love a good spite motivation - and so I have made my own list, for the fandom, of the 75 absolute must watch episodes for anyone who wants to understand the integral story of Supernatural.

I have to hand it to TV Guide, whilst I adamantly disagreed with their choices, I admit that this was EXTREMELY DIFFICULT and having to sacrifice some of my faves so that I could include others that were more important to the story HURT, but that’s how it is.

Full list under the cut. Let me know what you think of my choices and my reasons!

1. Pilot

You cannot start a series catch up anywhere else, and we have to include the pilot episode. Introducing us to Sam and Dean, and setting up the story including the back story with the family tragedy. You just can’t beat a good old fashioned female fridging for man pain. *jokes*

2. 1x06 Skin

I feel like Skin is an important episode to watch as it is our first real look at Dean’s psyche as a character, where we start to realise just how much he is hiding behind his tough macho man exterior. The speech by Shifter!Dean to a horrified and confused Sam is heartbreaking and very revealing. 

3. 1x12 Faith

This is still hands down one of Supernaturals best episodes. It was also the first time Kripke started considering a bigger mytharc involving faith and Christianity. We can all thank this episode for planting the seeds that would later give us the hugely popular character Castiel, and the hugely successful mytharc plots of Seasons 4 and 5. Also, one of the best music moments from the show with the “Don’t Fear The Reaper” chase scene.

4. 1x14 Nightmare

This episode introduces us to the Special Children story line which was of paramount importance to the first two seasons. It gives us the first glimpses of Sam’s powers to come, and is also the first time we get some hints of John Winchesters abuse of Dean.

5. 1x18 Something Wicked

I chose this episode because it is the first time we get to see more of Sam and Dean’s childhood, and how horrific it was - especially for Dean. A brilliant episode that once again clearly demonstrates how John Winchester is not a man to be messed with. If at this point you aren’t itching to call child services on his ass you probably need to read up on your understanding of child abuse.

6. 1x22 Devils Trap

The Season 1 finale gives us the show down between John Winchester and the Yellow Eyed Demon Azazel, some heartbreaking moments between father and sons, and a cliffhanger that leaves Baby and Dean both broken.

7. 2x01 In My Time of Dying

I love this episode. Dean’s out of body experience at the hospital, Sam’s grief, John’s deal, Tessa’s introduction to the show. C’est magnifique!

8. 2.05 Simon Said

I just think Simon Said is a great episode that further develops the special children plot whilst being both funny and dark at its core - classic SPN.

9. 2.15 Tall Tales

Our introduction to Gabriel - well, to the trickster as he is known here. This episode is gloriously funny and a must watch!

10. 2.21 All Hell Breaks Loose: Parts One and two

Okay I’m cheating a bit and putting these two episodes together, but in my opinion they count as their own feature length episode as you can’t watch one without the other. The climax of the special children arc, the deeply emotional Sam death scene and Dean’s bedside vigil, and Dean selling his soul. This two part season finale packed a lot of punches and is a definite must watch.

11. 3.03 Bad Day at Black Rock

How can anyone forget Sam’s run of bad luck in this hilarious episode. He LOST HIS SHOE!

12. 3.10 Dream a Little Dream of Me

This is another must watch episode for the deep dive into Dean’s psyche. We also get more of a backstory to Bobby Singer, but the real brilliance happens when Dean spends part of the episode talking to his own dark mirror, revealing all sorts of subconscious fears and insecurities on his part.

13. 3.11 Mystery Spot

I couldn’t not put Mystery Spot on the list. This infamous episode of Supernatural will have you singing “Heat of the Moment” over and over again whilst sympathising with poor Sam every time Tuesday comes around. Don’t let Dean eat the funny tasting tacos!

14. 3.16 No Rest for the Wicked

In lots of ways, Season 3 was a weak season. It was drastically shortened due to the writers strike at the time, and Kripke & Co didn’t get to tell the story they initially planned for, instead they had to come up with an alternative which gave us this dark finale in which Dean is condemned to hell. That can’t have been a fun hiatus for fans watching live... Still, it was a memorable finale and that is why it is on my list.

15. 4.01 Lazarus Rising

This episode. Here begins Supernaturals “golden age”. Enter Castiel, Angel of the Lord and future fan favourite right up until 2k19. How many people out in the world saw that now famous entrance and immediately fell in love? 

*holds up hand*

If you do nothing else, and you’ve never seen a single episode of Supernatural before, just watch this one, and I guarantee, I GUARANTEE, you will want to keep watching.

16. 4.07 It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester

The problem I have with season 4 is that I want to put basically every episode on the list. To this day it remains my favourite season of the show (and not just for the extreme DeanCas sexual tension). I kept this episode on the list simply because I love the Halloween theme, I love the frankly horrifying Samhain, and I LOVE the journey that Castiel goes through in this episode alone. Bonus points for Sam Winchester fangirling over Castiel proving he is no different from the rest of us. :P

17. 4.16 On the Head of a Pin

I say season 4 is my favourite season, and On the Head of a Pin is one of my all time favourite episodes. This is Supernatural at it’s finest and it’s not surprising as it was written by the great Ben Edlund. It is a perfect blend of horror and angst as we watch every character painfully spiral downwards. Sam hungrily drinks Ruby’s blood much to the audiences horror, Castiel faces his internal and external conflicts as all starts to unravel in the heavenly plans, and Dean plays a terrifying game of wits in an outstanding performance with the demon Alistair, his hellish torturer. It was a performance that Jensen Ackles should have won an Emmy for in my honest opinion. This episode has forever ruined the song “Cheek to Cheek” for me, but it was so worth it.

18. 4.17 It's a Terrible Life

It’s one of the classics. This AU world in which the angels flex their power over the Winchesters is another well loved fan favourite and quite frankly deserves to be here purely for the hilarious scene that many office workers all over the world would wish they could reenact as Sam quits his job in the most Sam Winchester way possible. 

19. 4.20 The Rapture

I had to keep this episode here because it is so important for future story lines. As Castiel gets closer to Dean, heaven takes action and we meet Jimmy Novak, Cas’s tormented vessel, and in Castiel’s own future words “his greatest regret”. It’s a deeply emotional episode that proves even angels have their dark sides.

20. 4.22 Lucifer Rising

The Season 4 finale is still one of the most epic in my opinion. Sam and Dean’s dramatic fight in the episode before has left them both vulnerable to the angels and demons that are manipulating them for their own purposes. Ruby’s villain reveal speech is still one of the best, and as she shows her true colours to a horrified Sam, Dean makes an angel fall for him. In every way. 

21. 5.03 Free to Be You and Me

This episode is another classic and many fans of Destiel would put it among their top episodes. As Sam and Dean go their separate ways, Dean grows closer to a now fallen and socially awkward Castiel.

22. 5.04 The End

Another epic from the mastermind that is Ben Edlund. The End has inspired much extremely angst ridden fanfiction over the years (and a very romantic song in a future musical episode) and is notorious for breaking fans hearts the world over. As Dean is unwillingly sent to a future apocalyptic world, he meets his harsh and brutal future self, and a drug addled hedonistic human Castiel. The most memorable and painful moment being his confrontation with a sharply dressed Lucifer wearing his brothers face. Tears flowed freely from fans the night this episode aired. 

23. 5.08 Changing Channels

Changing Channels is another of those infamous episodes that even non fans of SPN are aware of for it’s sheer lunacy. Sam and Dean once again find themselves up against the trickster aka the archangel Gabriel, who puts them into a TV world where they must “play their roles” in order to survive. 

Highlights include Sam’s herpes commercial and Dean’s heart eyes for Doctor Sexy MD. 

24. 5.16 Dark Side of the Moon

Dark Side of the Moon is a beautiful episode. The race through heaven and through each Winchester’s memories gives us a far greater understanding of their complex and troubled relationship. The heartbreaking scenes of Dean’s heaven with his mother that Sam could not be part of were especially painful to watch. The climax reveal that God wasn’t listening and Castiel’s subsequent loss of faith only added to that heartbreak. Another must see episode.

25. 5.18 Point of No Return

As is the case with season 4, it was so difficult not to just put every season 5 episode on this list. I do think that both seasons just need to be watched in full to truly grasp how brilliant they were. Point of No Return needs to be on this list though because this episode is the breaking point, the tensions remain high throughout as each character makes desperate choices as they all spiral towards the Endtimes.

26. 5.22 Swan Song

Swan Song is often considered the number 1 top episode of Supernatural. It is always at the top of these “rank the episodes” lists in the media, and that is why it is on my list too. It is brilliant in many ways, but if I am being completely honest it doesn’t even come close to the top of my own personal list ranking SPN episodes. It is certainly emotional, and there are some extremely heartbreaking scenes. Lucifer plays his hand, Dean plays his right back with the power of love, Sam makes his swan dive. It’s heartbreaking, it needs to be watched, but the “endings are hard” meta moan by Kripke always felt slightly too pretentious for my tastes. Don’t make excuses dude, this episode didn’t need them.

27. 6.11 Appointment in Samarra

I’ll be honest, I didn’t like season 6. Whilst some of the individual episodes were good, the mytharc was weak and I think the season struggled to find it’s feet for many episodes at the start. I didn’t like soulless Sam, preferring my Sammy to be the compassionate caring sweetheart he always was before. That being said, Appointment in Samarra is a brilliant standalone episode simply because the character of Death is so very compelling. Dean’s time playing Death was fun whilst also being a deeply emotional exploration of cause and effect in the universe. It’s a must watch.

28. 6.15 The French Mistake

I couldn’t not put this episode on the list. If Season 6 did one thing right, it was this ridiculous episode.

29. 6.20 The Man Who Would Be King

The only other thing Season 6 did right. 6x20 is Ben Edlund’s masterpiece and without it, frankly, the entire mytharc plot of the season would fail miserably. This beautiful episode told from the point of view of a hugely conflicted Castiel not only birthed an entire new generation of Destiel shippers, but canonically confirmed that Castiel’s every decision was motivated by his love for Dean. 

*Ouch my shipper heart*

30. 6.22 The Man Who Knew Too Much

The season 6 finale is on this list purely for two characters: Sam and Cas. Sam’s journey to put himself back together inside his own head is as enjoyable as it is emotional. Castiel’s spiralling through into utter villainy is simply soul destroying - especially for those of us who are heavily invested in this character. 

31. 7.01 Meet the New Boss

I had to keep the season 7 premiere in this episode as it is the only hint we have of what could have been an AMAZING season story line! Sadly, it was not to be, and Castiel’s run as God lasts this episode only before a very misguided showrunner wrote him off the show (thankfully she saw reason and brought him back dramatically later on, even though the damage and huge drop in ratings was already done.) Worth watching purely for enjoying a power drunk Castiel wipe out a homophobic preacher - he really doesn’t like those homophobes!

32. 7.10 Death's Door

The first time I watched Death’s Door I sobbed for 20 minutes straight. Bobby Singer was the best father Sam and Dean (and Castiel at times) could have ever had, and this heartfelt goodbye to the character as he fought against his reaper and his own memories really packed a punch.

33. 7.17 The Born-Again Identity

The episode that turned it all around. The Born-Again Identity sees a desperate Dean take a chance on a mysterious healer to help a haunted Sam. That healer turns out to be everything Dean has been waiting for. Castiel’s dramatic return to the series answered both Deans, and many fans, prayers. 

34. 7.20 The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo

The introduction of Charlie Bradbury was a must on this list. She immediately became a fan favourite with her upbeat quirkiness. Created to be an avatar for fandom in many ways, she was a breath of fresh air compared to the previous fan avatar the show introduced us too who the less we mention the better. This episode was a lighthearted fun episode in an otherwise downright depressing season.

35. 7.23 Survival of the Fittest

It’s a must watch for the dick jokes alone. In all seriousness, I like this episode, even if it is another weak finale compared to others. The dynamic between Dean, Sam, Meg, and a Castiel who isn’t quite himself, is enjoyable, even if the villain of the season isn’t all that interesting.

36. 8.02 What's Up, Tiger Mommy?

Where the season 8 premiere focused on the present day, and what Sam had been doing in the year between the season 7 finale and now, episode 2 focuses more on purgatory. Dean’s time in purgatory desperately hunting for an AWOL Castiel is definitely worth the watch, especially when their purgatory reunion was so heartbreaking. Bonus points for Sam being worthy of Mjolnir!

37. 8.07 A Little Slice of Kevin

I make no secret of the fact that Castiel is my favourite character in Supernatural, or my love of Dean and Castiel’s relationship. This episode is on my list because Castiel’s return to the real world and an emotional Dean gets my fangirl heart pounding. This episode must use every romantic trope in the book on these two heartbroken dumbasses and it will always be a favourite.

38. 8.08 Hunteri Heroici

This episode is another one of my favourite. The boys finally bring Cas along on an otherwise regular monster of the week hunt, and it is hilarious. Not to mention the hunt is extremely loony and for that reason alone, it is a must watch.

39. 8.11 LARP and the Real Girl

The reintroduction of Charlie Bradbury is a delightful episode where the boys get a taste of LARPING. This is one of those memorable episodes where we get to see the Winchesters both out of their element, and also embracing a bit of fun outside of their normal dark lives. It is a joyful episode to watch.

40. 8.12 As Time Goes By

An integral episode that ends up being a game changer for the show. Thanks to a time travel spell, the boys find out their grandfather was part of a secret organisation. This episode is a must watch for the introduction of Abaddon, the Men of Letters, and the Winchester’s new home base that will see them through to the end of the series - the Bunker.

41. 8.17 Goodbye Stranger

Goodbye Stranger is one of those episodes that will break your heart and leave you screaming. Castiel finally breaks free from heavens grasp - but what broke the connection?

42. 8.23 Sacrifice

I adore the season 8 finale. Crowley’s confession, Sam’s heartbreaking speech which kicked off a long ongoing arc over the next 6 seasons exploring the darker side of the Winchester’s codependency, Metatron’s betrayal, and Castiel’s fall to humanity. The final scene with the angels fall to Earth is beautiful and emotional and I just love everything about it.

43. 9.01 I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here

The season 9 premiere is another deeply emotional episode which explores the aftermath of Sam’s trials to close the gates of hell. Sam is once again on deaths door, but Dean has ideas to save him - and his choices drastically affect the course of both brothers, and Castiel’s, lives for the next several seasons of pain and downward spirals into darkness. 

44. 9.06 Heaven Can't Wait

The first ever episode written by our angst goblin king Bobo Berens and what a first episode it was. This episode was like a twisted mix between tragedy and romantic comedy but it worked brilliantly. Fans of Dean and Cas both laughed and wept at it’s perfection. It also was the episode that birthed a thousand fanfics thanks to one well placed “fanfiction gap”.

45. 9.11 First Born

This episode is one of the highlights of Season 9, with a brilliant performance by Timothy Omundson as Cain, this episode sees Dean make the terrible mistake of signing a contract before reading the terms and conditions. Bonus side plot of Sam and Cas getting some Bunker bonding time.

46. 9.18 Meta Fiction

This Castiel focused episode from the genius mind of Robbie Thompson is another must watch. The villainous Metatron manipulates Cas into playing a role in his own scripted story. Bonus guest appearance from fan favourite Gabriel adds to the appeal of this episode. (Following the season 14 finale I can’t help but wonder if this episode had some influence on the current writing team - could we even call it foreshadowing?)

47. 9.23 Do You Believe in Miracles?

The season 9 finale was another very strong episode which must be watched if only for the huge cliffhanger ending. Dean spirals into his own darkness under the effects of the Mark of Cain, and pays for it with his life. Thankfully Crowley is there to make things “better” and take the wayward Winchester under his demonic wing.

48. 10.03 Soul Survivor

Like many others, I feel that we were robbed of a longer Demon!Dean arc. I also feel like the show could have gone far darker with the character given everything we know about poor Dean’s psyche. Whilst episodes 1 and 2 took a lighter touch the demon, Soul Survivor was as close as we got to a truly evil representation of Dean and this episode shook me with the truly brilliant yet terrifying performance Jensen gives us. 

49. 10.05 Fan Fiction

Fan Fiction is one of those episodes that you will either love or hate. Created as a love letter to the shows fandom, Robbie Thompson poured his heart into this episode and I do think it is a necessary watch even if just for the beautiful rendition of Carry on Wayward Son at the end. Some may find it cringeworthy in parts - many in fandom don’t exactly like the show drawing attention to their “dirty laundry” and I don’t think anyone will forget a fangirl telling Dean Winchester directly that “you can’t spell subtext without S-E-X” nor the break-the-forth-wall look Dean gives the audience upon hearing that. Nevertheless, we can officially say that both Destiel and Sastiel have been mentioned directly by the Winchester brothers - funnily enough Sam seems totally cool with the concept of hooking up with Cas; Dean though, well, as the saying goes “the lady doth protest too much”.

50. 10.14 The Executioner's Song

Like with First Born, this episode is a must watch for Timothy Odmunson’s performance as Cain, and how brilliantly he and Jensen work together. A haunting and tense episode with a heartbreaking conclusion. It’s dark and deep and pretty damn epic.

Bonus Episode Shout Out - 10.16 Paint it Black

I am not actually including this episode in the list, as it is a generic MOTW for the most part. But I do want to give it an honorary mention for one scene in particular. If you are new to the show, and are planning on using this list to catch up, then for this episode, go to YouTube and search “Supernatural 10x16 Dean’s confession”. TRUST ME. If like me, you love analysing Dean’s character to death, his church confession in this episode is like being given the key to figuring out the meaning of life. 

51. 10.22 The Prisoner

I have chosen this episode over the Season 10 finale because this episode depicts Dean’s spiral into total darkness, whereas the season 10 finale always felt like a particularly weak episode to me. Following Charlie’s horrific (and highly controversial) death, Dean lets the Mark of Cain consume him and goes on a killing spree. The ending of this episode ripped my heart to shreds as Castiel promises that he will stay with Dean forever, only for Dean to beat him to near death and only stop at the last minute thanks to that final shred of humanity left in him. If the shot of a bloodied and heartbroken Castiel staring at the angel blade that narrowly missed his head doesn’t make you cry, then I don’t even know why you watch this show.

52. 11.04 Baby

Another fan favourite told from the point of view from the Impala which at this point is definitely its own character and so much more than just a car. Baby is an extremely well put together episode which confirms that there is more than a little bit of magic in that sleek 1967 muscle car.

53. 11.11 Into the Mystic

Into the Mystic introduces us to Eileen Leahy, a character who we all immediately fell in love with, and not just because she is literally PERFECT for Sam Winchester (yes I ship it), but also because she is a badass female hunter and this show is most definitely lacking badass female hunters. It also keeps us on the edge of our seats as Lucifer disguised as Castiel infiltrates the bunker and manages to trick Dean. Epic stuff.

54. 11.17 Red Meat

A well known controversial episode, Red Meat penned by Angst Goblin Bobo Berens delves into the darker, more toxic parts of the Winchester brothers relationship, and highlights just how horrific their codependency has become. Love it or hate it, you can’t deny that it highlights that these boys have some serious issues, and this episode marks a turning point from which both brothers, but especially Dean, start to move upwards, towards a more healthy bond.

55. 11.18 Hell's Angel

The fight to save Castiel from Lucifer’s clutches would be so much easier if the depressed angel actually knew how much he was loved by his Winchester family. Unfortunately for him, Dean is a dumbass who never uses his words. Hell’s Angel is heartbreaking but a must watch if you have any doubt in how much Dean Winchester cares for his angelic guardian. Lucifer’s mockery of his desperation is a particularly nasty knife twist, but then again us fans lap this stuff up. 

56. 11.20 Don't Call Me Shurley

The dramatic return of Chuck AKA God. Another must watch episode which explains in some way what the hell God has been doing all this time, whilst Sam and Dean fight to save a small town from a deathly supernatural fog. The tear-jerking song “Fare Thee Well” sung by Rob Benedict at the end not only foreshadows God’s “death” at the end of the season, but also the departure of fan favourite writer Robbie Thompson from the writing team. Emotional indeed.

57. 11.23 Alpha and Omega

The season 11 finale marks the first time in the shows history that a finale doesn’t have a single death. The uplifting ending in which the boys manage to save the world and reunite God and his sister is a one off for Supernatural, especially when it ends with another shock character resurrection - symbolising a new direction for the show and a new showrunner. This was an epic finale that I thoroughly enjoyed.

58. 12.01 Keep Calm and Carry On

The Season 12 premiere saw the return of Mary Winchester, an awkward introduction with a shocked and overjoyed Castiel, and a dramatic race to save Sam from the British Men of Letters. It sets up a far more human mytharc plot than the previous seasons world ending battles between Gods, but with Mary’s introduction, and Andrew Dabb at the wheel, the story is about to get a whole bunch more personal.

59. 12.10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets

One of my all time favourite episodes, Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets gives us a very small peek at Castiel’s pre-Winchester past, and his beautiful female former vessel (no matter what form Castiel resides in, he is always beautiful - a fact referenced in show almost as often as out of it!). It also confirms that no matter how much Cas and Dean may bicker with each other, no one else insults Dean Winchesters angel and gets away with it! Bonus points for long suffering third wheel Sam Winchesters epic bitch faces and eye rolls throughout.

60. 12.11 Regarding Dean

This episode is one of those rare beauties which gets the balance between humour and heartbreak just right. As Dean rapidly loses his memories under a witches spell, Sam and Rowena fight to save him. Regarding Dean explores deep themes including Dean’s loss of childhood innocence at a young age, and how a life shrouded in darkness has effected him. Pure heartbreak. Bonus points for THAT scene on the bucking bronco. 

61. 12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You)

Another all time favourite, directed by our very own Richard Speight Jr in a highly stylised homage to Reservoir Dogs and other Tarantino movies. Castiel takes the role of Mr Orange in this gruesome tale, much to the distress of Mr White AKA Dean. One absolutely devastating love confession later and there isn’t a dry eye in the house. DO NOT SKIP THIS EPISODE.

62. 12.19 The Future

The episode that shook the fandom to it’s core thanks to one tiny moment. A desperate Castiel makes some bad decisions, but not before first using Dean’s love for him against him. The knowledge that Dean at one point made a tailored mixtape of his favourite Led Zeppelin songs and gave it to Castiel as a gift BROKE ME. To this day I am still not over this information. To this day I cannot quite get Dean’s soft voice saying “it’s a gift, you keep those.” out of my head. Just remembering the scene as I write this makes my heart flutter and I STILL can’t believe that the writers took the show in this direction. It’s beautiful.

63. 12.22 Who We Are

This heartbreaking episode reveals the importance of Mary’s return to the show, as Dean goes into his mothers own head to try to save her from brainwashing. A truly epic performance from Jensen Ackles (once again) in which Dean finally admits his own burdens, explains how he was robbed of his childhood, and how he was forced into the role of parent to his younger brother when he was 4 years old. Ah that character development is truly delicious. 

64. 12.23 All Along the Watchtower

The season 12 finale packs a lot of punches. The imminent birth of Lucifer’s nephilim son causes a rift in the universe, opening a doorway to another world. As the tension builds to a dramatic conclusion, Lucifer plays his hand, unwittingly trapping himself in the AU world with one beloved character, as another sacrifices himself and a third tragic death leaves Dean shattered and broken on the ground. 

65. 13.01 Lost and Found

The season 13 premier was everything I have ever wanted from a Supernatural episode - namely PAAAAAIN. The last 10 minutes of this episode in particular had me ugly crying into @margarittet and @tinkdw‘s laps. In fact, every time I rewatch this episode I cry again. As we are introduced to Jack, we say goodbye to Castiel, and my god, I will never get over watching Dean Winchester wrap the body of his angel in preparation for the pyre and try so hard to keep it together. Same Dean. Same.

66. 13.05 Advanced Thanatology

Where Lost and Found broke my heart, Advanced Thanatology stamped on the shattered pieces until the final seconds in which it magically pulled me back together again. This episode was the climactic end to a 5 episode mini grief arc for Dean who just couldn’t get over Castiel’s death. In this episode, we realise just how badly that death has affected Dean, as he foolishly risks his life in his desperation for any kind of win he can get. Episode highlights include a brilliant performance from Billie who has assumed the role of Death as she knocks some sense into Dean, and the final dramatic return of Castiel, proving that “it’s never too late to start all over again”.

67. 13.06 Tombstone

Following 5 episodes of extreme angst and pain, the audience is finally given some relief in this joyful episode which sees the reunited Winchesters take their new son on a trip to cowboy country. Honestly it’s worth watching purely for Castiel’s attempt at playing cowboy to make Dean happy, and Sam Winchesters knowing looks as he pointedly calls out Dean’s dramatic 180 turn from uber depressive to ecstatic happiness following his angels return to the world of the living. Bonus points for this episode getting the hashtag #brokebacksupernatural trending on Twitter. 

68. 13.10 Wayward Sisters

The episode that should have kicked off a whole new spin off were it not for the idiotic decisions of a group of suited white guys with no concept of what decent TV is nowadays. Yes I’m still bitter, Yes Mark Pedowitz can go to hell. Wayward Sisters was a brilliant episode that gave us a whole new generation of badass hunting women, and a story that I was 100% invested in seeing more of. It’s a damn tragedy this never got picked up for its own series.

69. 13.16 Scoobynatural

I can’t write a list of top episodes without adding Scoobynatural. The three Winchester boys find themselves zapped into TV land and meet the Scooby Gang. This episode was just hilarious and brilliant. Bonus points for Castiel’s bond with Shaggy and Scooby, and only a minor deduction for Dean’s over the top flirting with Daphne.

70. 13.21 Beat the Devil

In true Supernatural fashion, as the end of the season gets closer, the tension builds to extreme levels. In the apocalypse world the Winchesters try to find and save Jack and Mary, but Lucifer is on their tails. An unexpected attack leads to a highly traumatic and shocking scene in which Sam is killed and a distraught Dean is only pulled away from further danger by a terrified Castiel. The final scene of this episode in which Lucifer resurrects Sam in a truly horrific display of power over his former victim and vessel is haunting and brilliantly acted by Jared Padalecki. The fear he radiates around Lucifer being the only thing that allows me to continue to take the devil seriously at this point in the show. 

71. 14.08 Byzantium 

I know what you are going to say, I have skipped a BIG chunk of episodes in my list. I have to be honest here and admit that the season 13 finale was possibly one of the worst episodes in Supernatural history and I can’t in good conscience add it to this list. I also think that the writers struggled to pull themselves back up to the high standard of early season 13 after that dreadful finale, so the first half of Season 14 always felt a bit dull for me, however Byzantium does make up for it, in it’s emotional story of how Sam, Dean, and Castiel all deal with the death of their son. The highlights of this episode have to be the scenes in heaven, where Jack reunites with his mother Kelly, and Castiel finds them both in her own piece of paradise in another tear-jerking scene. Castiel’s deal with the creature from the Empty leaving Cas fans everywhere horrified and distraught, but also rather excited at what exactly may trigger the deadly deal. Hopefully this plot point will be picked up next season, as it is definitely highly anticipated.

72. 14.10 Nihilism

Another dream episode for any Dean fans who like to analyse his beautifully deep and layered psyche. Sam and Cas must dive into Dean’s mind in order to free him from the archangel Michael. What they find is worth several essay’s of analysis on this fascinating and wonderful character. Dean’s bar; surrounded by symbols and hints of his life and a very apt song put on repeat - Will Dean ever get his rainbow ending? Only one more season to go until we find out.

73. 14.14 Ouroboros

Following all the drama and separation of the Winchester family, they finally all reunite in this episode to hunt a gorgon. I always prefer the episodes where Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack all work together, and this episode explores the group dynamic perfectly. The gorgon is a charismatic villain who taunts our heroes and has them all fighting to keep up with him. Put it simply this is just a fun episode and exactly what we want from our MOTW episodes in the new Supernatural era.

74. 14.15 Peace of Mind

Just like the previous episode, Peace of Mind is simply one of the more fun and enjoyable episodes of the season. So much so in fact that I have probably re-watched it a dozen times because I loved it so much. In a rare team up between Sam and Cas, they find themselves stuck in a Pleasantville type place. Hilarity ensues, and poor Sam gets himself stuck in a 1950s style marriage and a sweater vest. Castiel reads some raunchy erotica and enjoys it. You will find yourselves laughing at “H-E-double hockey sticks” for hours afterwards. A must watch lighthearted episode in an otherwise dark season.

75. 14.20 Moriah

The season 14 finale was certainly one of the more epic finales we have had, and a meta masterpiece penned by showrunner Andrew Dabb. As Dean’s anger and grief following Mary’s death only deepens, and the rift between him and Castiel continues, it is Sam who discovers that all this time, for their entire lives, they have all been nothing more than characters in a world created by a cruel and manipulative writer God. Chuck’s return and reveal as the villain of the entire show came as a shock to many fans who saw him as a beloved fan favourite, but to many others, myself included, this reveal harmonises this entire story and the Winchesters long and traumatic journey and blows my mind at just how perfect it all is. God Was Never On Your Side, and this has always been a show to stress the importance of free will in a Godless world. 

*chef’s kiss*

Bring on Season 15.

[etherian-affairs]

Horde Clones are slaves and were designed for that role

(SUBMISSION, META)

Do you know what Hordak is? Hordak is a clone of the Emperor of the known universe, Horde Prime. 

He was grown in a vat, had no childhood whatsoever and was treated as a drone. He was allowed no name. Hordak never had thoughts to himself because Horde Prime can enter a clone’s mind and read them. A clone of Horde Prime has no privacy of thought because their minds can literally be read telepathically and by touch, if Horde Prime can’t do it remotely. 

This clone, and millions of others like him, aren’t allowed to have a will of their own. 

They were made for the purpose of warfare and if they show any kind of weakness or defect, they are either reconditioned until functionality is restored or sent to die on the battlefield. The drones/clones are conditioned and created for the soul purpose of war and conquest and live to only be an extension of Horde Prime’s will and nothing more. 

 Rae Geiger: … one of the concepts behind Prime is that he upgrades himself with his clones. They’re stock to him. He wants them all to be uniform by his standard, but he wants a little “extra” for himself to establish his superiority, his interesting-ness above them. So if he wants some extra eyes purely for the aesthetic, some clone(s) are going to give up a piece.

These clones, including Hordak, are nothing more than stock to him. clone-chattel.

Slaves. 

 They have no choice but to follow him and are conditioned during the start of their lives to be loyal to their master and do his bidding until they die.

That’s their life. They don’t choose this, they don’t have the option of doing what they want to do in their lives. They don’t even have the concept of self and a will of their own. They aren’t given the ability to learn about thinking independently of Horde Prime’s will. Horde Prime makes them in his image and if he see’s that they have become an “abomination” he will have them reborn. And that entails them getting violated by Horde Prime via hair-tendril, have that needled cable jabbed into the base of their neck/USB Port and have their entire life up until that point be deleted. Then they’re reset to factory settings and then get sent to be reconditioned.

Horde Prime is their God and he is a wrathful and merciless one. *************************

 "Hordak" became faulty after years of service due to a defect he had no control over and was thrown away by the only person he was ever supposed to love and serve. The only person the clone cared about(because he was conditioned to be a servant to Horde Prime and was made for that only purpose) sent him to die. And he was supposed to die, until an errant portal threw him into Etheria. 

Hordak knew it was his fault that he was thrown away, that he was a failure and imperfect. And he hated himself for that. He hated being an imperfect failure and that his own faults caused his misfortune.

Hordak still loved Horde Prime, because that’s what he was manufactured for, and wanted to conquer Etheria and open a portal to the outside universe to prove himself and Horde Prime wrong and that he wasn’t worthless and to go back to Horde Prime’s side. Hordak only wanted to go back to the way things used to be, and only wanted to serve his master once again. Hordak is a designer slave, purposefully constructed to love Horde Prime and be an extension of his will.

He did cause the deaths of possibly hundreds of thousands in the name of Horde Prime, I’m not going to deny or sugarcoat it. But, for Hordak, that was all he knew. The only thing he was ever taught in life was how to wage war and conquer in the name of his brother. He created the Etherian Horde, for Horde Prime. He wanted Etheria to become a gift for his brother and to show HP that he was still useful. 

Horde Prime is an abusive family member and Hordak is the abused person who still tries to prove his worth to his abuser. And for the longest time, he had no one but Horde Prime to look up to and respect.(Because, again, he was manufactured for Horde Prime use)

Until he met Entrapta. 

She was the one who came into his life. She was the one who demanded Hordak tell her everything he was doing AFTER she broke into his lab. And you know what, Hordak told her exactly what he was going to do. He never lied to her. He told her he was building a portal that was to be used for Etherian conquest. She still helped him build the portal machine though. 

But you know what else she did, she helped him with his chronic condition and validated him as a person(something he never got in the Horde and under Horde Prime). She made him armor to help his mobility and told Hordak his imperfections are beautiful. She looked at his body and wasn’t disgusted by it, or called him a worthless defect. She seen the real him and decided that he was great just the way he was. 

They also became equals, Hordak listened to her suggestions, theories and infodumps. Gave her credit where credit was due and treated her with respect. He even saved her from the exploding portal machine and did so when he knew his old armor was failing him. 

They both validated the other and respected each other as equals. Hordak found someone who looked at all his defects and found him still worthy as a person. Entrapta found someone who listened to her and didn’t find her mannerisms annoying. You have to remember, she’s been alive for 20something+ years, and no one’s ever listened to her theories until recently. 

She found someone who became her friend too.

***************

“There was even a time you wished I would not come for you, is that so?” Horde Prime

Hordak found himself back in Horde Prime’s court and when his Lord tried to mind-meld with him remotely, Horde Prime found out he couldn’t do it. So he had to physically touch Hordak to read his thoughts. He then discovered that one of his clones, one of his slaves, actually had the thought of hoping his master would not come looking for him. Hordak broke his conditioning (after 135 days of hanging out with Entrapta and them both working as equals) and was in the process of leaving Horde Prime and going with what he wanted to do, for once in his life. 

Hordak was ready to break away from his toxic environment/Horde Prime and stay in a place that said he was perfect the way he was and that failures aren’t something to be destroyed and are a natural part of science that creates further understanding and growth. 

Entrapta caused a clone slave, a person who was genetically designed to love/be loyal to Horde Prime only, to actually desire leaving his master. She validated him as a person and he was willing to grow away from his environment, away from Horde Prime. Entrapta didn’t redeem him, but she gave him something important. A healthy environment for which Hordak could grow away from the toxic thoughts Horde Prime saddled him with since his “birth”.

****************************** 

You don’t become a good person alone. You don’t magically start out as a good person with holy morals from birth. You learn good and bad things from your environment and if you live in a bad environment you become toxic. Having a way out of a toxic place, is key to helping someone unlearn bad behavior and become a better person. 

You also have to have people that care about you too, you can’t just do it on your own and do it alone. You have to have a support base, someone to help you. You have to have a friend. 

The person needing to change has to make the conscious decision to get themselves out of a toxic environment, but having a friend who validates them as a person and treats them as a worthy individual makes the transition a whole lot easier. 

Entrapta is  a person who was wanting to help a friend and validated him as a person. Something Hordak never had in his life. And that validation of personhood caused a clone slave to actually break his programming and Hordak desired to be left alone by his master. 

Hordak wished that Horde Prime would never bother with him. HE wanted Horde Prime to stay away from him now. HE didn’t want Horde Prime anymore. 

There was a hand holding out for him to take, and instead of ignoring it, Hordak was ready to take it. Hordak was ready to crawl out of the muck Horde Prime covered him with since the start of his “birth”. 

Hordak was finally at a crossroad, one road was still the path Horde Prime designed for him to walk on and one his body and mind were made for. But now, there was a different road, something newly created that said “You’re more than what your Creator made you to be.” And Hordak, with “LUVD” in his chest and someone willing and eager to walk with him on this new path, was ready to go in this new direction. 

Until Catra quite literally electrocuted Entrapta in the back after the latter told the former the portal would cause the end of the world and wanted the experiment stopped and then sent her to Beast Island to die, just so Entrapta wouldn’t tell the truth about how dangerous the portal really was and convince Hordak not to open it. 

Catra then lied to Hordak about Entrapta betraying him for the princesses and then started taunting him about how bad it would be if his “Big Brother” seen how badly Hordak was failing and how pleased Big Brother would be when he conquered Etheria.     

[acrackedchassis]

the mirrors surrounding you did as they were meant to, reflecting back a spitting image of misha collins  -  but it’s clear something is wrong from the moment that a vision of restructuring heaven with jack strikes you.  perhaps it was a passing daydream in the frenzy of the funhouse. you reassure yourself  -  you’re CASTIEL,  an unknown/forty-five year old doctor whose virtue lies in your compassion & good intentions, although you’ve been told that you tend to be quite naive & intense,  and you’re associated with falling stars burning brightly, praying to an absent father, and slowly learning how to love by those around you.  suddenly,  however,  you’ve found your angel blade on your person - was that always there? from the moment you leave the funhouse,  memories from your life in SUPERNATURAL have begun to return - leaving whoever you had been before in the mirror’s reflection behind you.  you can almost hear take me to church by hozier following in your wake.

tw homophobia, death mentions, mentions of religion and potential religious trauma, abuse

I would like to formally apologise for the complete and utter mess that is everything below. I got... very carried away with canon. If you make it through all my rambling, I tip my hat to you! 

BASICS

Name: Castiel, but Castiel Novak in his alternate life. Nicknames: Cas, but he’ll accept any nickname that isn’t disrespectful. (Please don’t use Cass. I understand that this is canon, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.) Age: 45 in his alternate life. In his canon life... we really don’t know how old he is. Old. Very, very old.  Gender/pronouns: He mainly uses he/him, but he'll accept any. He’s agender.  Sexuality: Asexual and homoromantic. Species: Angel. Specifically, he’s a Seraph.

CANON LIFE

I don’t know how to summarise twelve years, but I’m gonna give it a go. And if anyone would like to know more, here is his wiki... good luck!  

Anyway, so! Cas is an angel who we first saw introducing himself to Dean as the person who fought through Hell (literally) and pulled him out of it. At first, we see him as a soldier of Heaven who obeys all orders given to him, but that begins to change the more he gets to know the Winchesters (primarily Dean), as he learns the importance of free will and tries to help the brothers. 

Since then, he has helped the brothers stop the apocalypse, started a civil war in Heaven, absorbed all the souls and leviathans from purgatory to become God, become an angel again, lost all his memories and believed he was a human called Emmanuel. He regained his memories, took on Sam’s hell trauma and spent some time in a psychiatric hospital, then helped Sam and Dean defeat Dick Roman (leader of the leviathans) and got sent to purgatory with Dean. 

He did his best to keep the leviathans in purgatory on his trail to keep them away from Dean. Dean tried to make him leave purgatory with him, but Cas insisted on staying, believing it wouldn’t work because he’s an angel (also that he deserved it), and stayed in purgatory for longer. Once he was out, he found out an angel called Naomi was controlling him to find the angel tablet, and tried to make him kill Dean, which he didn’t do. Then he teamed up with Metatron, who manipulated him into making all of the angels fall from Heaven, and eventually stole his grace. 

Cas spent the next three months as a human working in a gas station, started stealing other angel’s grace so he’d have his powers back, got his army back, lost his army, locked Metatron up, and got his own grace back. He was put under an attack dog spell by Rowena, regained control of himself, agreed to allow Lucifer to possess him in order to defeat Amara/The Darkness, and was possessed by him for several months, but eventually gained control of himself again when Lucifer was exorcised.

He later tracked down Kelly Kline, who was pregnant with Lucifer’s son, Jack, believing the Nephilim to be dangerous, until Jack (still a fetus) showed Cas paradise, proving to him that he was good, and Cas chose to become his protector. (Basically, he adopted him.) Cas was killed and sent to the Empty, was woken up by Jack’s powers, annoyed the Empty Entity/The Shadow until it sent him back, and he reunited with the Winchesters and Jack. 

Later, he found out about an AU version of Michael (Apocalypse world) wanting to invade their universe, got captured by Asmodeus, escaped, tried to find Gabriel to restore Heaven, travelled to Apocalypse world with everyone else, and when they got back, apocalypse Michael came with them. When Dean was possessed by Michael, Cas went looking for him, got manipulated and captured by a demon, and defeated said demon with Sam. They later found Dean, Jack died, and they tried to recruit help to resurrect him. 

Cas went to Heaven in search of Jack’s soul, Heaven was attacked by The Shadow who wanted to take Jack, Cas made a deal with the Shadow to exchange himself for his son, the Shadow said that it would let him live for now but come to take him when he experienced a moment of true happiness. 

Later, Dean and Cas fought after a soulless Jack accidentally killed Mary. Chuck/God manipulated Sam and Dean into wanting to kill Jack, they locked him up in the Ma’lak box which Cas tried to prevent, and later, when Chuck tried to convince Dean to kill Jack, Cas tried to stop that too. Chuck killed Jack, rose spirits from hell, and Cas fought them with the Winchesters after Chuck vanished, met Belphegor who possessed Jack’s body, who he absolutely hated for this reason. Cas worked with the Winchesters, Belphegor, and Rowena to try to send all the souls back to hell, went to Hell with Belphegor to do so, killed Belphegor before they could complete their plan, which lead to Rowena having to die for them, which lead to tension rising even further between Dean and Cas. Cas left, then later returned. 

Cas and Dean went back to purgatory to get a Leviathan blossom to use for a spell to lock Chuck up, got separated, thought they’d lose each other, then were reunited and got back to earth. That plan failed.

They tried to help Jack become powerful enough to take down Chuck, but when that plan failed too, Billie chased after Cas and Dean, wanting to kill Dean. In order to save him, Cas sacrificed himself to the Shadow by telling Dean that he loved him and allowing himself a moment of true happiness. Some time after that, he was resurrected (we don’t really know how, but can assume it was Jack’s doing), and Cas worked with Jack to rebuild Heaven into something better. 

ALUCARD LIFE

Castiel’s childhood was an incredibly unhappy one. With extremely religious yet controlling parents, he was expected to do as he was told, and to fit into the mold his parents wanted of him. They were both physically and emotionally abusive.

He was a lonely child, didn’t get along with other kids very well, and found it hard to make friends. Was always considered ‘strange’. 

Isolated from his extended family as his parents didn’t get along with them.

Never came out to his parents, even after leaving them and cutting them out of his life, as they were very homophobic and made it very clear to Cas that they’d never accept him. 

Has always been very intelligent and was almost always top of his class. 

Went to medical school and became a doctor because he wanted to help people. 

MISC

Cas’ wings were destroyed back when he and the other angels fell from Heaven, BUT I’ve decided that when he was saved by the Empty, his wings were also restored. It’s what Cas deserves. Fight me. 

Also his wings are like oil slick!! Black but rainbow!! Again, fight me!!

Fucks up a lot when trying to do the right thing. Has never done anything wrong in his entire life.

A Grumpy Soft Boi. 

Has died many, many times. The last time, because he told Dean he loved him and let himself be happy.

Serious dad issues and for good reason!! In canon, Chuck lied to everyone and made them believe he was a prophet, while being absent as God for an incredibly long time. Awhile after he eventually revealed himself as God, it was revealed that he had actually been controlling and manipulating Sam and Dean the entire time, writing their story for them. Cas was (somehow) the only person Chuck couldn’t control. 

Loves bees and has an apiary as a hobby.

Doesn’t understand sarcasm and doesn’t get (most) references, even though Metatron once gave him knowledge of pretty much every story ever. 

And there may be errors in my intro or things I’ve forgotten, so I’ll probably come back and edit all this at some point!

[gumnut-logic]

6. Which scenes did you cut, and which were added in Gentle Rain?  (for @janetm74 )

Okay, I can cheat somewhat with this one as I routinely keep a file for chunks of text I cut out of fics while writing. So I actually have a few of the scenes this question asks about (probably a good thing since my memory is useless).

One thing I must say is that the clincher scene where Virgil collapses in Thunderbird Two in Chapter Twelve didn’t originally happen there. I knew he was going to collapse from about Chapter Two or Three onwards, it was a target scene I was writing towards. However, he was originally supposed to collapse in Two’s hangar and be found later. The problem with that was the condition he developed (which evolved as I wrote) would have killed him if that happened. He needed someone there to save his life (sorry, Gords). So he didn’t make it back to Tracy Island before he found he couldn’t breathe.

As for scenes cut out, there were several, most of which don’t make much sense reading them now and some are just lines, but here are a few.

One of the initial challenges was finding a way to get Em and Scott to actually meet beyond the initial incident. Initially, I had Scott eager to meet her, but realised pretty quickly that the eldest Tracy wasn’t going to be that easy.

Scene: Em’s hospital room shortly when Kayo initially introduces herself.

The woman opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted by a beep. She sighed. “Yes, I am Kayo. Please excuse me.” And she turned away, holding her wrist up.

There was a flicker of light and a familiar voice spoke. “Kayo, have you found her yet?”

“Scott, have patience.”

“Kayo-“

“You are aware that she can hear everything you are saying?”

Em had to smirk.

“I would be if you had told me.”

“I would have told you if you hadn’t interrupted me before I could say anything. And no I haven’t asked her yet.”

“Kayo-“

“Patience, Scott.” And there was the click of an ended transmission. Kayo turned to face Em again. “My apologies. As you can hear, he is recovering well.”

“Still an argumentative brat apparently.”

“It’s one of his strengths.” She took a step back towards the bed. “He was wondering if you would be willing to meet with him. He wants to thank you for everything you did.”

Em blinked. “What?” She shifted her shoulders. “Um, er, okay.” Oh so confident and professional of you there, Emaline. She kicked herself internally.

But then she realised exactly what she now looked like. She bit her lip.

-o-o-o-

Em initially reacted completely differently to Kip’s sudden presence in the Tracy’s living room.

“What you be doin’ here, honey.”

“It’s Em, as you well know. And I’m here as a guest. What are you doing here?”

“Same.”

And the conversation ended there.

The silence was ominous. The Tracys in the room stared at each other.

Alan arrived on the scene a few moments later having secured Tracy Two. He stared at the tableau. “Okay.” He held up his hands. “I’m just going to back away quietly.”

Penny stepped around Em. “Crispin, dear, have a seat. Emaline, I advise you to do the same.” The aristocrat walked calmly into the sunken lounge and took her own chair. “Alan, do be a dear and find us some tea. I am absolutely parched.”

Alan appeared quite happy to play Parker if it would get him out of the room. Grandma and Kip took a seat together almost directly opposite from where Em came to a halt inside the circle.

Scott made a note to create a space in the lounge for ease of access, for either TB imPatient or Em’s hoverscoot. He himself pulled up beside Em and reached once again for her hand.

She responded and shot him a worried smile, her fingers curling around his.

The motion did not go unnoticed, but frankly Scott didn’t care.

Penelope, of course, was a picture of respectability.

-o-o-o-

At some point Gordon was appreciating his brother, but I’m not sure exactly what scene this was cut from. has some good lines though.

Virgil was the kind of guy you could tell your deepest problems to and he would simply listen, no judgement, no censure. Sure, get him before his coffee and you may leave minus a body part, but the man would sew it back on for you later.

Gordon and Virgil were so different, yet it was what made it work.

Of course, everyone raved about the ‘bond’ Virgil had with his older brother, sure. But Gordon liked to think that he had something with the Tracy bear, too. Something a little different, a little unique. And he knew Virgil trusted him, despite the pranks and the jokes and snide remarks. They were brothers and it went beyond all that.

So when Virgil sat down beside him at the helm looking like death that hadn’t been warmed up...

-o-o-o-

Originally, when Kay left Virgil’s hospital room when she told him she couldn’t handle him giving his life to IR, Virgil lost it and had to be sedated. This proved to be completely ridiculous and OOC and was dumped (I think one of my beta readers nabbed me on that one). The scene I have has been partially rewritten, but the remnants are there.

“What the hell was I supposed to do? If Brains dies, International Rescue dies with him!”

Kayo had tears in her eyes. “And what do you think would happen to International Rescue without you?”

His heart stuttered and it had nothing to do with his injury. He reached out to touch her but she stepped away. That hurt even more. “Kay? Please?”

“No, Virgil, you have to understand this.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “Without you, there is no International Rescue.” She swallowed and another tear drifted across her beautiful skin. He so wanted to touch her. “It shouldn’t be that way. I can’t share you that much. I want to share your life, you...you can’t give it all to iR. Please, Virgil.”

He reached for her again, desperate to touch her. “Kay!” She took another step back. Her head was shaking ‘no’, tears running freely. “Kay, no, don’t, please don’t!”

“It has to change. Things have to change. I can’t...I can’t...” Whatever she was trying to say dissolved into a sob and she turned away. “I can’t.” She ran from the room.

“Kay, no!” The machinery monitoring him screamed as he tried to get out of bed. A mob of nurses came running and he was buried under a sea of medical white.

“Mr Tracy, calm down!”

“Kay!” His face was wet. He struggled against hands. “Kay!”

“Mr Tracy!”

“Kay, please!” But his heart was hammering in his chest and he was gasping for breath. Spots danced in his vision. He couldn’t.

Please, Kay, I’ll do anything...anything...

“Mr Tracy, if you don’t calm down, I will be forced to sedate you.”

He stared at the blonde haired nurse so opposite from his Kay.

He let all his muscles go, falling slack back against the bed. A sound far too much like a whimper passed his lips.

Kay?

God.

Anything for Kay.

-o-o-o-

Words passed over his head, he ignored them, he needed to get to Kay.

But something flooded his system, a calming, sleep inducing cold. It wrapped around his mind and pulled him down. “No! Kay!” His voice was fading. He had to get to Kay. Please, Kay, I’ll do anything...anything...

But the cold seeped into his mind and took it away.

-o-o-o-

The Epilogue was rewritten a couple of times. I had an argument with it. In the process I killed off an entire original character, Frederico. Poor Frederico. I should revive him in another fic.

“Virgil’s a target?” Scott’s whisper was fierce. They were standing outside a meeting with the Colonel Casey, Lauren Davis and a representative of both the Western Australian Police and ASIO.  

John bit the inside of his lip. “Kayo tagged Em with one of Virgil’s trackers. The timing was just too perfect, too coincidental. Either the bombers were after Em or Virgil. Probability puts Virgil at the top of the list.”

“How did they get the frequency?”

“Unknown.”

“Re-scramble everything. I want everything changed. Start with the frequencies, but speak to Brains, I want everything upgraded, even the subcutaneous.”

John gave him a single nod. That was going to hurt. “Already in progress.”

“Have you told Kayo?”

“No, but I have no doubt she is fully capable of putting the pieces together.”

Scott nodded, but his expression changed, even more concern deepening his frown. “If they wanted Em or Virgil, why bomb a bridge?” He swallowed. “Why not just kill or capture? And it would have been obvious it was coming from Em not Virgil.”

The knot in John’s gut only twisted tighter, his brother was thinking out loud. “Perhaps they wanted to see how we would react? How important Em is to the organisation?”

There was so much anger in Scott’s stance, John fought the urge to take a step back. “Goddamnit.” He clenched a fist. “I want to know who, how and why. Full resources, John. Get Kayo and Penny on this. I want it fixed and I want them found.”

“FAB.”

-o-o-o-

Virgil found her in her office, hissing at one of their agents. “Frederico, so help me, if you don’t take this seriously, I’ll strip you of your IR credentials and throw you in the Atlantic.”

“Is that a death threat?” Virgil couldn’t help but smile. Frederico never took anything seriously, much less a death threat from his boss. He did, however, do an exemplary job at finding information to not be serious about.

-o-o-o-

But one of the scenes I had to cut quite hard was the scene where Em and Scott woke up in the same bed. Apparently, they were ready to take their relationship much further than I was and I had to draw their amour to an abrupt halt before it got entirely out of hand.

God, she was beautiful. Breaking off, he kissed her jawline, tracing it around to her ear and nibbling on her lobe.

Her fingers teased the hair on the nape of his neck, while her other hand slipped under his jacket, brushing across his shirt, around his ribcage to his back, fingertips digging in at his ministrations.

“Scott Tracy, you know how to drive a girl wild.” Her voice was rough and he took it as permission to continue a trail of kisses down her neck, nuzzling her collarbone.

His reward was a gasp at his touch. His left hand had found the bare skin of her back once more and was denting that softness enough to hold her close. His other hand was at her waist, satin between his fingers.

“You are one gorgeous man.” And her tongue was in his mouth again, urgent against his.

-o-o-o-

Please keep in mind these are all trash can scenes and were cut for good reasons.

I hope they provide a little amusement.

As for what was added to the fic...I write very haphazardly and by the seat of my pants most of the time. The whole fic was added after the first chapter really :D

Thanks for asking and for reading all that :D

Nutty

(Who should write more Em, I miss her)