#this fuck ass podcast with these fuck ass characters that i got so Attached to so quickly that are all probably going to die

[stat1c0nstr1ng]

Live reaction of me listening to blood in the bayou

[zabala0z]

Sorry for not posting, school has been wild and I got accepted into an acapella group!!!! I’m at the sleepover for it rn, I got kidnapped

MAG 121: Far Away

OLIVER BANKS??? Okay but this confirms my theory that Oliver Banks was like the same guy from MAG 32 and MAG 42, like I PREDICTED it guys. I SAID IT. He’s actually quite nice and one of the few avatars who doesn’t wanna kill Jon which is a plus. Also best power cause holy shit. GEORGIEEEE 🫶🫶🫶

MAG 122: Zombie

Glad Jon’s awake but he sounds like hell. Can he like sense tapes now? Is that now one of his abilities??? Not very useful but maybe later it will be.

Anyways, creepy ass statement. Is this The Stranger? I’m going to say it is. They haven’t found Daisys body which is making me think…👀👀👀 who knows. But I’m emotionally attached to every character. AND WHAT IS MARTIN DOING WITH PETER LUKAS??? Bro???

MAG 123: Web Development

So Melanie is not super happy and I can’t even blame her. Like she’s so valid cause I’d be suspicious on Jon after 2 people died and he lived. Although she sounds like really pissed and it’s worrying. I need to see a statement about The Flesh because how did it attack everyone??? Sent mangled pigs??

The fact if u don’t follow Peters orders, you go woosh, makes me nervous. Like I can’t tell who’s the worse boss. If you work there, you gotta either have your trauma be resurfaced or disappear like come on 😭😭 fun that the tape recorders keep coming up. Not. Fuck them.

Yay!! the web!!! Don’t like it!! I wonder if Brian from MAG 100 was in the text of code.

MAG 124: Left Hanging

Oh surprise, surprise, it’s Simon Fairchild. AGAIN. At his old ass age. Again, very The Vast core cause duh. He seems like…a nice person to talk to. Like if he didn’t send people to the emptiness of the ocean, space or the sky, I’d have a decent conversation with him. Who was the cable car monster wtf.

MARTINNN :( bro. Get out of that situation, I don’t have a good feeling about it. Peter Lukas already deals with The Lonely like come on. Their conversation was so awkward. Made me awkward. Jesus. I just need them all to be okay.

Okay I think that’s everything! Posts might be slower since I got so much going on this year like my god. But, I’m definitely going to set aside time to still listen because this podcast sustains me. I live it. Anyways!

[rockroselazuli]

TOA Anniversary Munday

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Tagging: myself

Name: rai

Pronouns: he/him

Birthday (no year): december 28th

Where are you from? What is your time zone?: colorado! mountain time zone

Roleplay experience: ooooohh my god um. like 15 years maybe?? most recently on twt. i used to rp on tumblr back in high school though and i'm SO glad to be back cause i missed it. rping on twt is awful i need to be able to write three thousand words in one post

Got any pets?: my kitty selkie :)

Favorite time of year: autumn.. i love pretty leaves and comfortable weather and halloween and pumpkin flavored things god bless

Some interests and things you like: drawing, audio drama podcasts, birds, sugar, cosplaying, horror

Some funfacts & trivia about you:

i collect plushies

i have 14 tattoos and my next one is gonna be grima

i write original stories and someday i'm gonna make a webcomic

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play?: pokemon, animal crossing, other miscellaneas things

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: type is flying & pokemon is absol. my absolute belovedoh my god that was not supposed to be a pun

How did you get into Fire Emblem?: my childhood friend was really into radiant dawn and told me all about it and then i mentioned it to my dad and he was like "oh yeah fire emebeleme i wanted to try out one of those games" so he bought radiant dawn bc it was the one i talked about and. we did not know it was a sequel for the longest time.

What Fire Emblem games have you played?: 7, 9 & 10, 11 & 12, 13, 14, 16, 17

First Fire Emblem game: radiant dawn

Favorite Fire Emblem game: awakening

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳: g.. gregorgy. also sephiran and naesala. and rafal why is gregory the only human here

If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays?

- Awakening: tharja. now i would gaius if i wasn't so attached to him being inigo's father always

- Fates: silas. now uhhh mmmm?? m. i don't know WAIT. keaton

- Three Houses: i don't remember?????? what the fuck. um. oh nevermind it was claude lmao of course it was claude. and i would do it again

- Engage: no one i uh. seem to have completely missed the chance somehow. anyway i'm going for alfred this time cause alfred/alear is everythign to me

Favorite Fire Emblem class: KINSHI KNIGHT but basically just archers in general. and DANCERS i love them

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class?: um.. idk but i'd like to think i'd be the donnel archetype cause aptitude is my only chance

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation?: golden deer!!

If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with?: either micaiah bc i like her or um. yeah. i would go with claude also but not when the Other Two are in there can you imagine the bickering

How did you find TOA?: a couple of my mutuals on twt are here!! waves at them

Current TOA muses: yeehaw

Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again?: not toa but my first fire emblem muse ever was volug. yeah i could write him again

Have you had any other TOA muses?: not yet but stay tuned

Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards?: yeah lmao. i've got a couple archetypes that hit me like a train every time

What do you believe you enjoy writing the most?: characters with weird ass emotions

Favorite TOA-related memory: i haven't even been here a month yet but this event is really fun

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔: just the letters lol

Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day that you’d like to share? 😉: back when i was on twtrp i kinda wanted to pick up ashe but then. i didn't. because ferp on twt is a nightmare and ashe was a popular character (i was cyril. safe in my little bubble)

[itskobold]

The first decade or so of my roleplaying experiences were a meandering set of largely abortive (but still wonderful and meaningful!) dives into indie rpgs. An over-and-over pattern of “let’s play this”, with a half dozen sessions and an abrupt, anti-climatic ending. It was roleplaying as like... exploration, the investigation of different conceptual storytelling spaces.

When I first considered playing 5th edition D&D, in oh... 2018 or so, it was in that context. I wasn’t expecting much, honestly. Because, let’s be real, D&D is shit. But I was in a new city and people are always down to play D&D, it has a kind of potato chips appeal. But I wasn’t aware of the social context of D&D that had been fomenting away in the background without me noticing, all those Critical Role inspired newbies bringing this strange sensibility to the table: these sort of loosely storygamer mindsets combined with a fandom-like attachment to the game of D&D specifically. A legion of earnest theater kids who are kind of legitimately a blast to play with and have a level of investment that provided the social context for games that went on-and-on-and-on. 20 sessions?! 30?! Fucking blew my mind. I’d always heard of people playing those kinds of games, but I’d never experienced it.

The wonderful thing about long games is that the characters get to sparkle. There’s all kinds of space for them to be deranged and wretched and miserable that shorter games can only grasp at. Burning Wheel had forced me to make characters like that, but when their arc ended after 10 weeks - after whatever group broke apart or we got interested in something else - I was still just getting comfortable with them. All the best RPG technology in the world paled in comparison to having more time to write a character. I finally learned about the kinds of characters I wanted to play, the kinds of games I wanted to play, because I had time - over a decade into playing these fucking games.

And for me, that’s the beautiful thing about 5th edition D&D. The flash in the pan passion that a particular moment in time - produced largely by a series of podcasts that I cannot bring myself to listen to - brought to the space. The gift of 5th edition is patience, its sitting with something for a long time and letting it simmer. It’s the mindset that comes born of absurdly longform narrative fiction. I know other people in the space had that already, but I didn’t. It’s wonderful and I’m glad it happened.

But, of course, that has nothing to do with D&D, not really. And so the more Wizards of the Coast get smarmy and conceited about what was, in essence, good marketing on the back of a series of extremely lucky breaks, people seizing on a under-exploited media space or whatever, the more I find the game noxious and loathsome. This isn’t because of you, you stupid dickheads. It’s because of the community that you accidentally acquired, and pretending that your Weekend At Bernies ass bedraggled corpse of an RPG is an endlessly exploitable lifestyle brand just makes it all the more apparent how rancid it is.

I’m still playing, still having fun, more because of the weight of what’s already happened than where the game is now. In time, when our 5th edition game ends, I’m looking forward to putting the game away, and I hope other people do likewise. Don’t let them make this an endlessly monetizable subscription based lifestyle whatever, please.

Right now I’m also playing Pathfinder 2e, and while I’m not going to claim that’s the solution (because lol), at least it’s a more honest version of the same basic thing. I also feel very lucky to have been able to take that Gamin’ energy and put it into some of those indie games! Burning Wheel was never supposed to be a 10 session game, after all. Got an extremely awesome Chuubo’s Marvellous Wish Granting Engine game going, and it’s one of the best roleplaying experiences I’ve ever had.

The real peril of fandom is the way it can be commercialized, I think. Given my timeline I feel like I’m very much preaching to the choir here but you don’t need D&D, you don’t need to be a fan of D&D. Just be a fan of your own games, or those podcast games if you must. That’s what you were anyway. They’re trying to trick you into thinking that means that you want horse armor for your character sheet and you gotta know how fucking stupid that is. So yeah, in conclusion “play another game”, I guess.

[amerwitch]

Let's. Fucking. Go.

sometimes it's not the story we tell but how we tell it...

“Are you ever going to write about your trip to Springfield?”

“No, I am going to let that weekend rot away into the dark.”

“You had fun.  You came home with an opossum.”

“And a snapper.”

“Tell me about it.”

“The snapper?”

“The whole fucking weekend!”

“I was a grown up and booked the hotel room and rented the car all by myself.  It was the first steps for this weekend.

“I felt better once I got the car, the 2023 new shiny object named Charlotte.

“I loaded up the car to find out the fucking car has no USB port.  It’s all C ports.”

“What the hell?”

“And it didn’t like Google maps and I wasn’t going to subscribe for a few days and I am so fucking tired of everything being a subscription-based life.

“I’m on the road, listening to my podcast, made it all the way to Springfield without crying.  I make it to Chili’s and txt Nicole for our lunch date.”

“How adult of you.”

“I know!

“Anyway, we lunch, I get my nose pierced, I buy a tarot deck, and set up an appointment for a tattoo.”

“A tattoo?!?”

“Yeah.  We will talk about that later.” 

“Much later.”

“I make it back to the hotel and crank the air down to ice and just relax.  I have the whole room to myself, and unpack.

“I loved the fact that I will be the only one in this room.  That I have full control over where things and how I can keep it neat.

“I lay on the bed, pop out my tablet and keep on my rewatch of Gray’s Anatomy.”

“Was that the only thing you watch?”

“Yes.  I started way back in March and I was able to keep going.  No time wasting going over all the different streaming services, no time wasted scrolling thought all the shows and movies just to watch the same fucking movie, over and over.”

“Or watching something for an hour and then switching to something else and being told that you are not watching, even thought you had no desire to watch the show and told said person that.”

“None of that fuckery happen.”

“Tell me about Colt.”

“He came over, Nicole came over.  Next time, I want a pizza party, an old fashion slumber party type.”

“How is our DarkShark?”

“His ass was giving him problems.”

“He is an ass.”

“It happens.”

“Not the brightest crayon in the box but he’s our favorite color.”

“It was a fun small night.  They go home and I am left with a king size bed all to myself.”

“Not just an ass width on the edge?”

“The whole fucking thing.”

“Nice.”

“Wake up, made a Walmart run for breakfast, fucking app is worthless, back to the room and then Nicole comes over and we make our way the Alamo for the movie.”

“Tell me about the movie!  Give me all the spoilers!”

I watched all the X-men cartoons, the new olds, and then a watch/rewatch of all the X-Men movies.  I could see where Fox was going with the movies but, they lack heart.  They kept throwing in more and more characters that just show up for a movie and then to be never seen again and, why?  What’s the point of a one-night stand?”

“Are you just spoiled with having the MCU?”

“Maybe.”

“Did you watch the Deadpool movies?”

“Yes.  And the weird thing about those movies, they felt they had heart.”

“Heart?  Deadpool?”

“First one was a love story, 2nd was a found family thing.  With all the fourth wall breaking and f-bombs, they had heart.  They had a story.  They made you care.  X-Men just felt they forced a story on you, based on the love of the comic and cartoons.”

“It’s hard to care about characters when you don’t have any emotional attachment to them and the movie is banking on some feels from a cartoon show you were supposed to base your childhood on.”

“Fair.  What about this movie?”

“Deadpool is about sacrilegious.  And they started off with sacrilegious.  And the movie went off from there.”

“What was your favorite parts?”

“Well, Chris Evans showed up and right when we thought he was gonna yell ‘Avengers assemble’ he yelled ‘Flame on.’”

“No!”

“And I didn’t think I was going to go so feral when Blade showed up.”

“Blade!”

“Wesley still has it.

“And then, he showed up.”

“Who?!?”

“Channing Tatum as Gambit.”

“Oh, my gods.  They went there.”

“They went to a lot of places.  One of them had comic book accurate short Wolverine.”

“You thought of him, right there, didn’t you?”

“Yes.  I thought of him off and on during the movie.”

“He’s not coming back.”

“It’s a matter of I am not taking him back.  Back to the movie!

“Overall, that movie had heart.  It was a buddy flick of found familyness?”

“Did they kiss?”

“The Internet has deemed the fight scene in the van as them fucking.”

“Nice.”

“After the movie, we made our way to Bass Pro Shop to find an opossum.  I did not think it would be so fucking hard to find an opossum at freaking Bass Pro Shop.  Tons of penguins to buy.

“Nicole found an opossum, right after I found a snapping turtle.  My budget was $50, both were $20 and both came home.

“We decide in the parking lot that Nicole would stay home and me and Colt would hit the bar that night.

“Colt took a nap.”

“You haven’t napped since the Reagan administration.”

“Damn right.

“I woke his ass up, we went to Taco Bell, and then the bar,”

“And the drinking and gummies?”

“Yes.”

“Do anything fun?”

“Well, I’m Tinder now.”

“How’s that going?”

“I gave Colt my phone and he is going on Tinder and I am like ‘No!!!!’ and he is SWIPEING RIGHT!

“Then we are chatting with a guy and I don’t know what I am doing and Colt just unmatched me with him because Colt said something (I am drunk, it is loud, and it’s been a few days since this happen) about how this guy isn’t respecting me and that Colt respects me.

“And then the other morning it hits me hard:  Colt kept asking me if I was ok, all night long.  If Matthew was there, he would be asking me what he was doing wrong.

“Colt was asking about me.  Because he cares about me.  To make sure I was ok while taking in all the alcohol and pot and the vibes of the places.

“Colt is the better boyfriend.  He sees me as a whole person.  I am more than just parts to fuck; I am a whole human to him.

“OH!  And then the witchcraft stuff I discover!”

“At the bar?”

“Yes!

“I am at the bar.  I am drunk.  I am high.  The music.  The lights.  It hits me.

“This is how my ancestors use to do it.  They would eat the mushroom, and with the firelights in the caves and the drums beating, this is how they did it, this is how I am doing it now.  Eons have pasted and this is the same thread.”

“What about the other things?”

“So, it hits me before seeing Dr. Strange a few years back that if crystals can store energy, and crystals are just fancy rocks, then the rocks from back yard can store energy and I can store the energy from the bar into a rock and take it home.  And I did it.

“So, while at the bar this time, I just let everything in me.”

“That’s what she said.”

“ANYWAY, I don’t know if it’s because I work retail or just the way I am, I feel that I am always shielding so hard, nothing can get in or out. 

“So, when I went to the backyard to do some praying a few days after I came back, I hit me.

“While in the bar, I was taking in the energy, vibes.  It was in me.  I woke up the next day needing a cheeseburger because I wasn’t grounded.

“If rocks can store energy and our bones are stones, then all those vibes of the bar are in me, it’s stored in my bones.  I carry that with me, at all times.  I don’t need a rock or that.”

“Oh wow.”

“I know.

“Sunday was spent visiting my people.  It was good quality time.  Sunday night was a whole pizza for myself and TV time.

“Monday, I left, driving out of the city in a way that would make Colt proud of me.”

“That’s scary to think about.”

“I made it home.”

“You had a good time.”

“I had a wonderful time.  It’s been a month and I am going back 36 odd days.”

“For your birthday?”

“Yes.”

“Gonna party like it’s 1999?”

“Fuck yeah.”

“Let’s fucking go then.”

[boys-night]

Mickey and Ian - communication, sex, and relationship styles, post 11x07

Here’s my take on how Ian and Mickey relate to sexuality and relationship styles, thinking mainly about 11x07, but also looking more broadly at the series and including HoS. If you’re not interested in incorporating 11x07 in your version of canon, ignore this! I enjoyed 11x07 but I understand people have different ways of seeing Ian and Mickey’s relationship. I’m also doing the classic meta thing of taking seriously exaggerated/comic/contradictory elements in the show because that’s how I roll. 

Super long post under cut. 

I’ve been reading Sexuality: A Graphic Guide by Meg-John Barker and Jules Scheele which is where a lot of the following ideas and terminology come from. I’ve also been looking at Meg-John Barker’s free relationship zine on their website rewritingtherules.com. I highly recommend their work, including the podcast they have with Justin Hancock, The Meg-John and Justin podcast (although MJ has left now and it’s called Culture, Sex, Relationships, but you can check out the backlog!) 

They think about sex and relationship styles using various models including monogamy/polyamory, allosexuality/asexuality, romance/aromance etc. They look at these different facets of sexuality/relationship styles as complicated continua rather than binaries which shift over time. They also write about sexuality on an action/identity spectrum, communication strategies around relationships styles, and the windows into relationships. Here, I’m looking at all of these things thinking about Ian and Mickey’s relationship and as individuals within the relationship. 

The monogamy/polyamory continuum

I’ve seen a bit of debate about how to label Mickey and Ian’s relationship on the monogamy/polyamory spectrum and I think it’s a pretty complex question especially considering those labels mean different things to different people and that relationships shift a lot over time. While labels like these can be useful, they can also be rigid and restrictive in their own ways. 

Some terms that come close-ish to what they say they’ve decided in 11x07 are monoamorous and polysexual, considering they aren’t at all interested in romantic connections outside of each other but are up for sex (in a broad sense) with other people. But these terms don’t account for the agreement that they’re only exploring sex with other people when they’re together. 

As people have pointed out, some of the boundary setting around exactly how they’re involving other people in the relationship is left off-screen, and also they’re not necessarily going to form identities around how they act in one episode. I’ve also seen people suggest reading their relationship style as monagamish and/or that what they do with other people is part of kink/play. I think these make sense in different ways and that in 11x07 Ian and Mickey definitely focus more on what they do (action) rather than who they are (identity) in regards to monogamy/polyamory. 

In 11x01, Ian’s focus is more on identity. He sets up a binary choice between being monagamous or not in their relationship. 11x07 indicates they’ve moved through off-screen discussion into a much more personalised arrangement with more focus on actions allowing for flexibility over time. In 11x07, we see them agree on rules: sex in a broad sense is allowed outside of the primary partnership, love isn’t. They keep negotiations ongoing (e.g. in the bedroom, in the furniture store), and there is an indication that these rules could change over time. 

I’d love to read/explore more about the ways in which this approach has changed over the course of the whole show. At the start of their relationship, definitely prior to s4, they have much more implicit rules about who they can have sex with, and those implicit rules become problematic in s5, when they realise they’re not completely on the same page regarding them. They bring up clashing ideas around the rules when Mickey’s leaving prison in s10 too. In s11, their relationship becomes more intentional, with these rules stated aloud rather than assumed. 

The action/identity continuum in regards to gay sexuality 

On a slight tangent, I think there’s a comparison to be made here to how they relate to sexuality (specifically gender of attraction) and the idea of gay identity, which seems to develop in the other direction. For Mickey especially, for a long time having sex with men was something he did rather than something he was, and that’s gradually somewhat shifted over the course of the show. There’s so much more that can be explored here, for instance, about how the action-based approach is much more acceptable within the hyper-masculine environment he was raised. Terry also approaches it this way when talking about prison sex, for example. According to this very oppressive social script, having sex with men in certain circumstances can be OK but claiming that as part of who you are is absolutely not. 

But I also want to stress, I don’t think either approach to gay sexuality, looking at it through actions or through identity, is inherently better or worse. These different lenses on sexuality also intersect with class and levels of education. As explored in Sexuality: A Graphic Guide, the identity approach is also relatively a very modern way of seeing sexuality (late 20th century). Gender of attraction is also only one facet of sexuality (which includes amount of sex you want, type of sex, sexual roles etc.) but its now often regarded as the only or most important facet of sexuality. The identity-based approach is much more acceptable within the more aspirational/middle class settings they interact with in s10 and s11. In these seasons, Mickey and to a lesser extent Ian aren’t completely willing to accept it wholesale. I like how, for example, even well after “coming out”, Mickey often still approaches sexuality through actions rather than identity, e.g. his response to the woman at the flower shop asking if he’s a homosexual: “He is, I just like having another man’s dick up my ass.”

However, I also think it’s cool/interesting how Ian and Mickey both move towards and embrace various parts of mainstream gay identity in s11 too, and a large part of that involves combatting the sexism, femmephobia, and hypermasculinity with which they were raised, e.g. of course, singing and dancing to Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande in the bathroom.  

You could also look at the different ideas about the origins of their gay sexuality in HoS through this lens. Mickey goes for a psychological/behavioural approach (based in like early 20th century sexological theories); Ian goes for a born-this-way, biological/genetic approach (popularised in the 1980s as part of gay pride movements). 

Mickey’s approach is very old school (definitely a way of thinking that reflects his upbringing), which assumes straight is the norm from which gay deviates, to do with Freudian theory/the idea of homosexuality as pathology. He doesn’t, for example, seek to use the same model (Fiona’s bad relationship history) to explain why Lip is straight. Ian’s approach (”not because I was born this way?”) reflects his investment in the intractability of sexuality related to his strict opposition to conversion therapy models and the idea of being gay as a choice. It also reflects the way he reacts negatively/disbelievingly to Debbie’s more flexible sexuality (in s8?). While obviously it’s fucked up/impossible to force people to change their sexuality and it’s perfectly reasonable for him to define the origins of his own sexuality however he wants, this approach risks excluding more fluid experiences of sexuality. 

Again, Mickey’s approach is more behavioural/action oriented and Ian’s is more identity oriented. They both seem pretty willing to shift their ideas around this though (especially Mickey, who potentially is just regurgitating old stuff he’s heard without thinking). The concluding thought is that Ian is gay because he likes Mickey’s d, lol. 

Individual differences on sex and relationship continua

I really like the detail that Ian doesn't want to have sex and be friends with anyone else aside from Mickey. In 11x07, he doesn't want to make friends with the guys in the locker room although he's down for repeat sexual experiences which suggests he thinks he forms romantic attachment through a combination of both sex and friendship. It seems like it's important to him in his negotiation with Mickey that they don't form romantic attachments outside of their own relationship.

This relates back to the 87% thing in HoS where Ian says he tends to get at least slightly attached to everyone he has sex with and Mickey has 87% of his heart. Mickey doesn’t like the 87% thing at all but I reckon it outlines a really interesting difference between the two characters in regards to relationship styles. It indicates that Ian is comfortable with a slightly less mononormative way of doing nurturance/care than Mickey, while Mickey seems to initiate more of the polysexuality than Ian in 11x07. (Although of course, we don’t see how Ian would react if Mickey were to tell him he’s got 87% of his heart! -- but this is a very difficult to imagine scenario).

Sex is a big part of their relationship for both of them. Both Ian and Mickey seem pretty allosexual (e.g. they feel sexual attraction for other people generally), but Mickey is possibly even more so than Ian. Mickey also maybe falls on the aromantic/grayromantic spectrum (once again, the labels can be really useful but I don’t want to be too prescriptive/rigid). Ian seems to be more alloromantic, with a capacity to experience romantic attraction to a whole bunch of people. For him, sex and romance seem to be more interconnected in all cases although he can definitely separate the two (especially when thinking about transactional sex etc).

But I think it's more complex than that. For instance, Mickey reserves certain sexual acts for just between him and Ian and its clear that they have both intimacy and exploration in their sex life. From the outset, Ian and Mickey’s relationship involves exploration and excitement with sex, and provides a freedom to explore their sexualities in regards to sexual roles and kink. It’s clear that Mickey values the safe space Ian specifically gives him in this regard from very early on in their relationship. There’s a parallel here with the bathroom Gaga/Grande scene where Ian’s instinct isn’t to tease or make fun of Mickey but support him embracing more stereotypical gay behaviours and/or more fluid gender roles to the ones he’s grown up with outside of sex too.

Also it might be useful to complicate the idea of romance itself which is a really difficult idea to pin down and which seems to mean different things for both of them. I love the stress on friendship in 11x07. Friendship and also family connection play such key parts in their relationship with one another and the way in which they are attached, arguably even more so than traditional models romance. Both HoS and the Hopper painting discussion are interesting to think about in regards to the ways Ian and Mickey think about the concept of romance differently and the ways it intersects with or differs from their ideas around friendship/family. I like how Mickey’s willing to see getting a coffee together as romantic in a positive way for instance after Ian explains that it’s about togetherness in hard times. While maybe Mickey sees Ian’s suggestion of having a bath together as awkward/weird because he views it more as trying to live up to a social script of what is “romantic”.

Communication strategies around relationship styles

In s11, Ian and Mickey’s relationship is very entwined, and, in comparison to Tami and Lip, for instance, they disclose a lot to each other. Ian asks that they tell each other everything, and although Mickey is more resistant to that initially, he becomes much more forthcoming with his feelings in s11 (around Terry, around moving to the West Side, around becoming a parent). 

While I appreciate Ian’s role in initiating more communication between the two of them, I felt sorry for Mickey in their initial discussion in 11x01 in re “monogamous or not”. The turning over the paper method is a pretty binary way to open up a discussion about a very charged and complicated thing. 

They do seem to complement each other in this regard though with Ian generally more keen to initiate conversation but also getting more trapped into binaries, narratives of normativity and should-stories. While Mickey totally still projects an image that is informed by local expectations around masculinity and white supremacy, he’s also a rule-breaker in many ways and doesn’t have the same desire to conform to what society perceives to be “normal” (thanks HoS), especially behind closed doors and within his relationship with Ian (“liking what I like don’t make me a bitch”).  @fiona-fififi had a really good point in the tags a while back about how Mickey’s investment in their wedding and its success might have spurred Ian on further to embrace more normative ways of doing relationships. This is super interesting, and also makes me think just about how being married itself prompts Ian to think about taking a more active role in pushing the relationship further up the relationship escalator and in pushing for more communication around these steps in general. 

There’s also something to be said about pressurising each other in 11x07, especially when they jokingly(?) threaten each other with sex with other men if both of them aren’t around. I doubt they were making these suggestions seriously but it definitely doesn’t strike me as the most consensual method of communication. But there’s parallels here with generally using sex as a bargaining chip earlier on in the season. Ian seems to do that after having exhausted his attempts at trying to have conversations around money/monogamy etc, as a tried and tested way of getting Mickey to engage with him. And it definitely reflects using sex with each other and sex/relationships with other people (e.g. s3 Angie/Ned, s10 Byron/Cole) as modes of communication in earlier seasons. It kind of makes sense that they still have these habits in s11 even if they are no longer the primary mode of communication. 

Ian and Mickey relied so much on implicit communication in the early seasons and they have highly developed nonverbal ways of communicating. I don’t want to say that either verbal or nonverbal ways of communicating are inherently better than the other. They seem to understand each other on a deep level, which is really cool, but people have pointed out can make them think they don’t need to verbally communicate when they do, because they assume that they’ll understand one another and be on the same page. It’s super interesting to see them maintain that deep connection and continue to use nonverbal cues while also adopting more explicit and intentional communication styles in s10 and s11. 

The windows of their relationship

The fandom is always bringing up how Ian and Mickey leave the doors open when they bang, lol, and also making fun of how much Ian overshares. I think this is v fair but it also strikes me as pretty healthy that he wants people to see into his and Mickey’s relationship, especially in his discussions with Lip. But Ian’s got plenty of people around him who can see and help when things get tough. 

In s11, it’s great to see Mickey get closer to the Gallagher family and see various members defending him or taking his side in arguments, but he definitely does have less of an on-screen support system than Ian. (I wish that they had developed his and Sandy’s relationship in s11). I think the aftermath of the City Hall incident in s10 really reveals this particular imbalance in their relationship. On one level, Mickey moves in with Byron as a reaction to being hurt and even maybe a strategy of revenge/manipulation, on another, he doesn’t really have anywhere to go aside from the Gallagher house when/if he needs to get away from Ian. Also, the way he retreats back to the Gallagher house when he can’t deal with the Westside is an interesting development of this in s11. 

Ian’s need to share stuff about their relationship is kind of exciting considering his history of being unforthcoming about his relationships (and his history of being in a lot of secret relationships), as well as how difficult he found it to talk about Mickey while Mickey was away. But there is a different problem with ongoing talk around privacy and boundaries here too (Mickey doesn’t want Ian to chat about how he’s not into rimming!). Although to be fair, Mickey also chats about a lot of explicit sex stuff with strangers. 

Although they do ultimately decide against pursuing the pretty inorganic way of making friends in 11x07, Ian’s desire to make gay friends who he can talk to about relationship stuff makes sense in terms of the way he has been pushing for a more intentional relationship with more communication and more explicit discussion and compromise this season (and last season too). It also intersects with an idea of him/both of them going further to embrace gay sexuality as an identity. 

It’s interesting that Mickey’s the one to initiate this decision through ribbing Ian about his relationship with Lip. Why’s Mickey doing that? Is it just to be a little shit or is he also trying (subconsciously?) to activate Ian in some direction? (And also, maybe there’s a parallel there to getting their apartment in the west side, where Mickey’s the one inadvertently introducing Ian to the idea by pushing for them to go play in the pool). 

-----------

There’s a lot here which is just scratching the surface of thinking about Ian and Mickey’s relationship in the context of these different sexuality and relationship continua. For e.g. it would be really interesting to think more about this stuff in terms of shifting sex roles and kink exploration. Of course it’s all up for interpretation and I am sure I am highlighting areas that I’m personally interested in and inadvertently projecting myself/my own preferences and styles into this discussion. Very down for disagreements and discussions if other people are interested and manage to read all of this, lol. 

[wastrelwoods]

nureyev for the character asks? or your fave bad kid so far if he's alreadt been asked

oh god i got so many more asks than i was expecting...smh post-2017 tumblr conditioning me to forget sometimes people Interact With Posts

no anon u got in under the wire....u get the nureyev answer

why i like them: 

AH i just. have a soft spot in my heart for con men and you KNOW he provides. also fox imagery? you’re kidding me. i love his whole jaded revolutionary schtick i love the name symbolism i love when he’s a smug asshole and a repressed nerd...his theme music slaps so HARD

why i don’t:

idk i mean i guess there’s some stuff that comes with the territory of the character being a fan fave in terms of. sometimes stuff gets projected onto him that i think would be much more compelling to see a different character deal with instead? but tbh i’ll take two cakes 

favorite episode:

ohhhhh train from nowhere...i just fuck with it so hard....the arc about trust is just so interesting and i love to see him play bond and be kind of a competent badass

favorite season:

i GUESS season 1, since he wasn’t really in season 2 except for constant references to reassure the audience he was still around and i don’t feel like i have the measure of season 3 yet. i think interesting things are coming! but i also feel like maybe season 3 traded really strong individual episodes for a slightly less clear overall arc. or maybe i’m calling it too early! 

favorite line:

i’m not over the classic “every time nureyev says juno” bit but i like. very much. the point of final resting place where he’s shouting through the airlock...love to see a very composed character go a little ham

favorite outfit:

KFGHFGH he’s a podcast man! you can’t prove he’s ever worn clothes in his life! but anyone who draws him with a shirt that has definitely too many buttons left undone wins a medal

otp:

honestly like. juno’s got some flirty dynamics with other characters i can get into but nureyev is rly too gone on juno to consider anything else. in terms of platonic family dynamics tho i am REALLY wild for peter&mag

brotp:

i want him and vespa to have a standoff because i KNOW vespa can wipe the floor with him and i want to see it. i don’t even mean physical knife fight i just FEEL that she’s a better strategist than he is and he wouldn’t see it coming. but then they can be friends after. hey can he have like, one friend? any friends who know him? 

headcanon:

i see him oscillate wildly between thinking he’s the greatest motherfucker who has ever lived and an incompetent old fool...i see him do the anxious attachment and the vying for approval and the identity issues and i say borderline. disorder that man’s personality at once

unpopular opinion:

sdkljfdgh yeah whack that hornet’s nest! hit it like a pinata! smack smack motherfucker!!! 

nah i don’t really feel like i have an unpopular opinion about the guy as much as i wish i would just never have to have a take again about whether he’s Problematic or Villainous bc i think that misses the point. he’s literally both a conman and a send-up of the femme fatale archetype his whole THING is being hard to get a bead on in terms of what he’s planning and whether he can be trusted. all we can really be sure about is that he’s Going Through Some Shit Right Now and that this isn’t rly a show that celebrates punishing characters for their mistakes as much as it celebrates growth and life and recovery so. don’t be grimdark i guess

also i rly don’t care whether he has an ass or not. it matters not a whit to me. i think it would be nice if he was fat tho

a wish:

give him! a home!! perhaps a friend, even!! 

oh-god-please-don’t-ever-happen:

ah idk i feel like anything that feels within the realm of possibility in terms of tone and theme is something i wouldn’t mind seeing. fuckin...go ahead kabert. get his ass

5 words to describe them:

UHHHHHHHH can i be real i’ve spent like half an hour on this response and i don’t want to spend an hour digging through a thesaurus now i think he’s kind of arrogant but also very competent but also full of a lot of hope and tenderness and a stalwart moral core he does not listen to a lot of the time, so. some guilt  

my nickname for them:

do i have a nickname for nureyev? sneaky pete sometimes. or “thceif”

[best-enemies]

I have to write an actual review on Gallifrey TW4 for the podcast I’m in but I have a writer’s block, so here are some of my thoughts on the box because I need to yell about it somewhere and my friends are pissed that I keep yelling on twitter. Spoilers ahead!

Don’t expect anything coherent to come out of this post I’m just going to throw stuff in this post and if you get it you get it lol. It’s not like I have fully recovered from the blow anyway... 

Deception is a great introdution to the box and probably one of the best Gallifrey audios. I hate it when the OT4 gets separated (and that it happens all the time!), and in this case it happens between Narvin and Leela. However, it’s always great to see Leela working on her own and interacting with other people. When she tried to save those people from the resistance, the way she dealt with the situation even when she felt lost because she couldn’t trust her senses - a tool Leela values a lot as a warrior and a hunter - was absolutely incredible and it reminded me (not that I could ever forget that) of how much I love and admire her. 

Listening to them being inside the distortion field felt like a really bad trip 

All I could think throughout the box and not just Deception is that Leela had a crush on Eris and man I can’t blame her at all not only he was a great guy he’s really good looking and I got a crush on him too akshdashdkjaks

I don’t think I say this enough, but I really like Livia. She’s not evil, she just makes a lot of bad choices and she has this problem of being too much on the fence, which is not the characteristic of a true leader. She was never one. But still, even if I don’t remember the content of the earlier audios she’s in I’ve always liked her. And I liked that she finally chose a side in the end. I mean, she did when she helped the resistance, and that was a good beginning.

 Also can I interest you with my headcanon that she was Romana’s girlfriend at the Academy and they broke up? Lol Anyways, when she heard that Romana had “died” she was shocked and later on complimented her as a person and I kind of wish we saw more of them on good terms

Now, on Dissolution: I love Narvin. That’s pretty much it lol. Before starting Gallifrey my friend gave me a spoiler which was basically, “you’re gonna love Narvin”. Well, at first I really liked his voice - it was funny and cute and voices are an important thing to me. Of course, even if he seemed funny to me, unfortunately he was a total xenophobic asshole. He had convictions, he had layers which made him very interesting, but still, an asshole. Which makes me really proud to see how far he has come, how much he’s grown. When he joined Romana’s side I soon realized that my friend was right; Narvin had one of the best redemption arcs I’ve ever seen. He went from Romana’s political rival, if I could put it that way, to one of her most trusted allies and best friends. And he found out that he could still fight for and protect his home, but using the right tools, doing it the right way. Dissolution showed that contrast between the old Narvin and what he wanted and the new Narvin, and honestly? I could almost call this episode a moment of relief amongst the chaos. Narvin has become one of my favorite characters in the Whoniverse and one of my all time favorites as well.

Alright... now we get to Beyond *deep breaths*. So let’s start from the beginning, shall we? I spent months since listening to Unity living in a total hell not knowing if Romana was alive or not. I couldn’t believe that that was her ending, that she wouldn’t show up again for their last hurrah, and that my favorite companion ever was gone forever. But then, BF announced the cover, and the description for the episodes, and her name came up, and I could finally breath. My friend and I started theorizing that maybe Braxiatel had dematerialized the TARDIS around her and saved her in the last second - which is kind of what happened, I mean, the description said he wasn’t ready to give up on her! So they go to that place called Beyond, and shit happens. Those ravenous bitches were there eating people and shit. They even ate Narvin - I almost started crying in the middle of the bus, telling myself he wasn’t our Narvin, but he was a Narvin and it still hurt. I wanted to fight those ravenous myself. And not just that, Romana went through hell watching Leela die in front of her, and her reaction was really heartbreaking. 

Aaand that kind of brings me to a point here, something that bothered me. Romana and Brax, as always, spent the audio bickering a little, but they had their moments as well. Like when Brax says that it’s good to see her smile again, when he says (sorry I don’t remember it word by word) something like, she couldn’t die and that she’s supposed to be the best of the Time Lords, when she calls him her friend, and when she asks with a soft voice if he’s coming back to Gallifrey. And it was sweet. Like, they have a lot of issues, but they also have good feelings towards each other. Despite everything they care about each other, and it shows. Which is why I got really confused about Romana’s reaction when Brax was eaten by the ravenous. I remember I even thought she wasn’t around when it happened, that he had left and was somewhere else (I have a little difficulty paying attention), but then my friend said she was. So I was like... wait, she saw her friend, whom she’s known for most of her life (and more than she can even remember) die in a truly horrible way and didn’t even react to that? I’m not blaming Romana, I think this is really out of character for her. She may have difficulty expressing her feelings but she would never, ever react so coldly to the death of a friend. 

Now, on Brax’s death... I was really devastated. At first, as always I got confused and thought the older Brax was an older version of him, somehow. Even if he died, I was like, this is confusing, but it’s Brax? So I was weary, but still, I thought “well at least he’s safe now, on another universe in the Beyond”. But then my friend said “no, that’s an alternative Brax, the one we know is dead”. And that’s when I felt my stomach drop. IT HURT SO BAD. I’ll be honest and say I don’t know everything about Brax, or about the depth of his character, I’m still very early on the Benny audios and only have listened to him on Gally and a few audios here and there. People who have more knowledge on him say that the way he was written wasn’t really accurate, and that can be true, but I won’t get into that because I don’t know for myself. Still, Brax is one of the best and most interesting characters I’ve ever known. I loved him from the beginning. I got mad at him so many times during the series, felt as betrayed as Romana did, heard about a lot of dark shit he’s done, but still I could never hate him. I got a little bit too attached to him, which is why his death felt absurd and unnecessarily cruel. I don’t think for a moment that Brax deserved that, as I said I don’t know everything about him but something in my heart tells me that things could’ve gone another way. I knew he could die in the finale but not like this. And it’s a bit hard to put into words how much I hate the ending he got and how much I’ll miss him. I just hope he comes back, I mean, he always does, BF writers need to figure something out I don’t even care lol

I had to edit the post because my dumb ass forgot about one of my favorite and at the same time one of the most bittersweet moments of Beyond: Brax asking about the Doctor and saying leaving Gallifrey was a “family thing”. I love them and there isn’t enough stuff out there from the Lungbarrow siblings for me. He talks so fondly of the Doctor and now all I think about is that he never mentioned him in the series but thought of him on the last hours of his life... brb I’m gonna go cry in the bathroom

Oh god. Okay, Homecoming. I’ll start on a light note and say some stuff about Hot Rassilon: Richard Armitage nailed it. I’ve always liked him as an actor and I got thrilled when he was announced. His voice is like, the one I want to hear when I get my name called up in Heaven - or Hell, which is where I’m going - and his speeches were really powerful. Still, I wish they could’ve given him more to do. Of course, I understand that this is where they wanted to go with him - Hot Rassilon going batshit crazy and calling himself a god and coming up with some stupid fanfiction about the Time Lords becoming gods of everything, yada yada. I loved his interactions with the Dalek Emperor, the first thing I thought (besides the fact that it was really funny) was that it showed two despots with a god complex playing chess with the universe and discarding their people as garbage, fighting for their own personal power and not for the collective. Of course, I don’t expect the Daleks to care about each other - they want to spread throughout the galaxies and gain absolute power, not bring social well-being to their own. But that should apply to the Time Lord Society, and we see that Hot Rassilon doens’t give a flying fuck about that. 

I feel like I should reinforce the fact that I actually hate Rassilon. I call him hot but I hate him. I can do both

Once again, I need to point out the emotional moments between the galligang. It all felt so off. As someone pointed out here (sorry, I saw the post but don’t recall who said it now): it’s a war and there’s little time for grief, however, it’s not like they’re just grieving the loss of a group of people they’re not familiar with. The galligang are the closest thing they have to a family with each other. They’ve been through all sorts of things together, created a deep bond and have crossed the universe to find each other. And then, that Dalek ship blows up, with Narvin still in it, and... nothing. Leela even asked Romana if they could’ve done something and she says if the bracelet thingy had been working he would’ve come back already. And that’s it. At first I didn’t even understand, I was like “wait, he was really still inside the ship? And it blew up?”, because once again, I couldn’t tell from the way they reacted, I was only sure when they had that exchange. And of course, I started sobbing, because my favorite character was dead. I guess the writers wanted to focus on the war and political aspects and shit but did they forget that Gallifrey was about these three specific people and that their relationship was the core of the series, not just the politics? 

Okay, moving on. Leela and Romana once again end up on Gallifrey and run into Hot Rassilon. Did I mention I found him a bit scary? Well, I did mark me down as scared & horny.

Aaaaaand he decides to lock Romana up in a pocket universe. It surprised me, because I thought he would execute her. I find that he wanted to do that because Romana was the president who wanted to take Gallifrey into the future, to make it a prosperous and advanced society who left all their fears of the unknown and prejudices behind. And now he locked her up in the past. Get it? I don’t know, maybe that’s just me, but this was the first thing I thought. But I cannot even begin to tell you all how RELIEVED I am that she’s alive, and that there could be a possibility - even if a very tiny one - that she could escape. It’s Doctor Who, so everything is possible. EDIT: Now I’m sad because Leela will die after the end of the Time War and Romana will know about that, and all her friends are gone, and she believes the Doctor isn’t the man she once knew so she can’t rely on him, and she’s alone, and I’m FUMING because I’m still processing the whole thing and I hadn’t realized that. She’s totally alone and now I’m crying once again. I HATE IT HERE

As for Leela, I want to see what’s next for her. I haven’t gotten into the other Time War stuff yet, this is my first introduction to the actual thing, but I heard that she’s gonna fight alongside the War Doctor and might be on the War Doctor Begins boxset. But man listening to her and Romana having to depart like that broke my heart. And now I know that she’ll be protecting Gallifrey because of Romana, because Romana represents the best in Gallifrey.

*Phew* okay, that was a lot. I don’t even know if I covered everything, but I managed to make more sense than I thought I would at the beginning of this post. I don’t know man I’ve been crying for hours, went to sleep at 2am crying because of Narvin and Brax and woke up at 7am and my first thought was them, dying again... I don’t even know anymore, I guess I’ll either focus on uni and my job or curl up into a ball and cry for the rest of my life lolololol

Now I want to write a post with my theories on how the entire galligang is alive and in the epilogue in my head they have reunited and are all living together happily. Maybe it’ll be my next post.

[moonsgreatestboydetective]

ALRIGHT SO: THE PETALS TO THE METAL GRAPHIC NOVEL

I just blew through the book (holy shit you guys it was so so good) and before I do a more thorough read through, I wanted to share my thots for the good folx who didn’t preorder/aren’t sold on the whole graphic novel thing, maybe sell y’all on givin it a read through!

If you don’t want your experience SPOILED for any reason (I attached a couple of pictures and my first impressions, but nothing at all major that’ll reveal any of their hard work, so don’t worry if you just want a sneak peek), I’m keeping them under the cut, so read on at your own discretion.

TLDR: If you have the money to throw their way, I totally recommend getting your hands on this book. It’s beautiful, totally true to the source material, and a really a fun ride (sorry) from start to finish!!

First of all, this graphic novel is actually fucking gorgeous. Like wowsers. The whole thing is just absolutely beautiful, like the prior two are really amazing, but this one is full of huge, sweeping landscapes, really lovely detail work, super expressive faces, the works. There are multiple full page spreads (it’s a bit longer than the previous two), full of beautiful colors and just stunning visuals.

All of the character designs are really really good. Obviously everyone has seen the concept art for Hurley and Sloane (we’ll get to them, they’re everything I dreamed of and more), but other NPCs, the battlewagons, the backdrops, everything is so lovingly thought out and is such an amazing visual. Captain Captain Bane, Maarvy (who is a girl now!), GARYL, the Lich (again, no spoiling), they’re all exactly the way you picture them and full of life and character.

It’s also got a ton of inside jokes and references for fans of the podcast who know what comes further along in the Balance storyline, like advertisements for the Chug N’ Squeeze, a cameo of Carey Fangbattle, the Red Robe’s Cave, and I’m sure a bunch of others I’ll notice when I read it again!

Obviously, Petals to the Metal is a real beefy boy, with ten episodes and the Lunar Interlude beforehand. This is actually where I am now on my latest (third!) relisten, and I just finished episode five and they still haven’t gotten to the race. There are a ton of goofs and a lot of sidequests/sideplots like the elevator fight that lasts almost a full ep, the whole misadventure with Little Jerry and Jereeeeee, and a bunch of other very good bits throughout the arc, and one thing I was really impressed with was how well they decided which bits of “filler” could be cut without damaging the narrative and missing fan favs. SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER I’m super bummed they cut a large part of the hilarity of the Midsummer Festival, the majority of the scenes fighting Trent the Treant and in the elevator shaft, the iconic “Are you afraid?” line, and just everything about their attempted infiltration of the Hammerheads’ hideout [while this is actually a really hilarious cut and has been reworked to be a lot shorter] like the SAY MY NAME bit with Taako’s bad impression, Merle’s Evangelizing SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER. They do a really good job making it manageable to the readers by condensing a TON of material, but don’t outright remove anything that we the fans desperately were ready to see in full technicolor visuals.

This is, of course, referring to The Butt.

Just as an intentionally blurry sneak peek (there’s more that just this, I swear-- they were clearly Prepared for the fans) to ready y’all:

As for the other thing that everyone was foaming at the mouth excited for: Hurley and Sloane. Holy shit y’all. SO much more backstory, real obvious Gay™️, the ACHING when they look at each other, I’m just completely hearteyed in love with these beautiful ladies. They definitely changed a few things, as they’ve hinted at in interviews, but it’s really well done and still absolutely falls in line with the overall tone of the podcast. I could write a whole ass essay about how amazing their dynamic is, but I will definitely leave that as a ~surprise~ for everyone to see for themselves (along with the race itself, because we all know that’s the Main Event here).

The main THB character development is real real good too, with Taako’s “I’m a fully realized creation!” speech and Merle’s 50 Shades of Green moment being particularly amazing. Their facial expressions throughout the arc are wicked good and really convey the McElroy vocal inflections that are hard to show in print, like Taako’s shit eating grin while messing with Leon, and Magnus and Taako dying while listening to their FATHER seduce, well, everything.

In addition to all of the Easter Eggs for their listeners, there are also some great world building elements to tie this storyline back to the overall Balance Campaign, like another of the Director’s excellent speeches about the importance of disposing of the Grand Relics, the scene in Captain Captain Bane’s Office (which was also trimmed down and the lines modified, but still excellent), and our first look at the Hunger. The Hunger is absolutely terrifying (seriously, what a way to set the tone for the overriding storyline while still being wholly focused on the individual Petals arc)-- it looks Exactly the way Griff describes it in the Lunar Interlude and is just horrifying. The expressions on the THB’s faces are just *chef’s kiss*.

Overall, while there were a ton of elements that they had to adjust (partially for brevity and also to prevent potential copyright problems as in the first two books), the graphic novel is extremely well written, it absolutely feels like an extension/supplement of the podcast, and the art is utterly absorbing and gorgeously rendered. If anyone is somehow still on the fence about the book, I would give it a definite ten out of ten recommendation!

NOW GIVE ME THE CRYSTAL KINGDOM!

[empresskaze]

Reactions to RQG 174

Even though the episode has gone public I'm still putting everything under the cut because HOLY SHIT. Obviously MASSIVE spoilers under. Also cw cuz I describe death a bit.

Ok so before the episode aired, for a week everyone in EA on discord was speculating who was going to die. I mean it was evident based on the last few mins of 173 and because Alex is terrible.

Most of us considered none of the PCs would die because only Azu had been actively thrown over board and she has loadsa hitpoints™️. It's actually funny that they figured Helen hurt Azu more jumping out of the carriage voluntarily then Alex did throwing her off a crashing airship.

Also SO MANY DICE. JESUS. And the quiet while Alex was rolling all his NPCs, I mean it added to the already tense situation cuz obviously we can't see anything but hearing Ben/Lydia/Helen/Bryn reacting to Alex's facial expressions was hard.

When Alex started listing who was tossed I was like oh oh oh no oh no. Kobolds, Barnes, Carter AND WILDE MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT BARD. Apparently Wilde rolled a nat 1...which meant he was thrown higher and farther than anyone. My heart sank but I held out hope...

THEN ALEX PUTS THEM IN INITATIVE ORDER BECAUSE HE'S HORRIBLE!

Azu seeing Barnes IMPALED IN A TREE and Carter unconscious with him. Hamid running to the kobold lumps in the snow. Zolf running to Wilde (shit I'm getting emotional again). Azu casting (I forgot the spell but basically healing) and Barnes coming too while Carter doesn't. Hamid digging for the kobolds (who have 8 hp...) finding Sassraa and Meerk dead.

Zolf...finding Wilde impaled on part of the ship, dead.

Fam, I'm not gonna lie, I started balling. I physically stopped the podcast and went into the bathroom to cry. Wilde is my fave character has been since Damascus and we had so many questions!!!!! And now thanks to the nat 1, he was dead.

I hadn't been liveblogging because I started the episode after it appeared on Patreon and when I got to that part mostly all of EA had finished it. I started saying how I'd gotten to Wilde's death and didn't know if I could continue the episode I was that upset. I couldn't even type. The RQ discord is so great, everyone in EA gave me hugs and said try to make it to the end of the episode so I said I would.

I'm not going to keep play by playing the episode because it would take too long but scenes that just wrecked me aside from Wilde dying.

Cel running to the deck, seeing all the chaos and saying "no no not again" to themself! CEL WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE???

Zolf telling Cel "I'm not strong enough" when Cel asks if Zolf can cast rez. BEN'S SOFT ZOLF VOICE MURDERED ME.

THE ENTIRE HAMID/AZU CONVERSION IN THE SNOW. HOW THEY'D BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE. BRYN HAVING HAMID CRY, MR MONROE HOW DARE YOU. Bryn admitted in chat he cried listening to himself in 174, his performance was amazing.

Carter dying, legit did not expect him. He's a pain in the ass but damnit he's still a fun character.

Ok. So I made it to the end of the episode and with Eagle Druid lady showing up, I trust Alex. Helen even said the 4 of them asked Alex specifically about Wilde because of the parallels to the real Oscar Wilde and Alex told them to trust him, so I do. I hope they all can come back but Wilde needs to because LORE.

I've never reacted this way to a podcast, not even TMA 170 made me cry, I only teared up. Hell I don't remember the last time any piece of media like this. This was uncontrollably sobbing over NPCs that I'm overly attached too. Beholding today was actually pretty cathartic because you got to see eveyone else react and you knew the ending was coming.

Sadly next week starts the Halloween specials so it'll be a MONTH before 175....

Fuck.

RQG is definitely a podcast.

[justanotherboyinblue]

weird asks that say a lot

in

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? coffee mugs! it gives me a weird satisfaction

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? chocolate bars!!

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? not a big fan of either :/

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? well i’m homeschooled so that’d be my mother the gist of it was that i don’t focus well and get distracted easily

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? oh bottles for sure cannot tell you why but the old fashioned glass bottles of like pepsi or something? Love Those

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? grunge i love it has the ‘i don’t care’ attitude basically just oversized stuff and a whole bunch of flannels

7. earbuds or headphones? headphones obviously, i’m a gamer what did you think i was gonna say

8. movies or tv shows? i tend to like movies better, but i do love myself a good tv show i think the pinnacle of tv shows done right is person of interest five seasons, i never got bored, it didn’t drag on, and it was always a good watch with good character chemistry

9. favorite smell in the summer? hmm either chlorine or beach smell because both mean i’m in the water And Ya Boi Is A Water Bitch

10. game you were best at in p.e.? i’ve never had p.e. and i think that’s my favorite thing about homeschooling

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? i normally don’t, because i wake up 11:30-noon because i was up at 3am and i need my eight hours of sleep

12. name of your favorite playlist? some fucken bOPS

13. lanyard or keyring? i’d think key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? uhhhhh literally all my favorite sweets are chocolate fuck probably cow tails

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? they all sucked and i rarely read any of them so

16. most comfortable position to sit in? either sitting on my ankle or having both legs hanging over the edge

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? do flip flops count?

18. ideal weather? like, 75-80 degrees with a cool breeze or alternatively 5-10 degrees with Piles Of Snow Everywhere

19. sleeping position? usually on my left side, or my stomach

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a notebook, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? i love writing on anything i can get my hands on, most times it’s a notebook i tend to always carry pen and paper with me because i Will Not Remember Anything

21. obsession from childhood? you know how people have like, a timeline in their head of their entire life? i did this when i was this age, etc.? yeah i don’t have that my memories are in a big pile in my head and i have to use like things around me to find out a general age it’s wild so i have no idea coloring? minecraft?

22. role model? any kind person ever

23. strange habits? i only shower at night, and once i get in my room and change into my pajamas i have No intention of leaving so i just brush my teeth in the shower

24. favorite crystal? amethyst? quartz? garnet? idk onlytherealonesknow

25. first song you remember hearing? it was a song that my mother used to sing to my brother and i at night when we were in bed, did you ever talk to God i’ve never been able to find it anywhere, but i love it and it has the Best Vibes attached to it

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? S w i m

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? cuddle obviously

28. five songs to describe you? uhh dear younger me- mercyme (Christian) the cult of Dionysus- the Orion experience lucky stars- Lucy Spraggan escapism- steven universe? maybe? sunkissed- Khai dreams???? bro i got no idea

29. best way to bond with you? over shared experiences, or a shared love of something just best way to bond? by relating

30. places that you find sacred? not sure old buildings, sites of historical importance, places marred by tragedy

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? oh boy here we go my tightest pants, obviously, my heels, and my slutty shirt or my comfy clothes i can kick ass in anything

32. top five favorite vines? i am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand. Posiden quivers before him! fuck off!! *BAM* this is why mom doesn’t fUCKING love you!!! please let this be a normal field trip. with Miss Frizzle?? un-fucking-likely Jeremy eat a snickers. why? you’re not you when you’re hungry. it’s gonna take more than that for my fatass meanwhile, in 1957. your honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile. permission granted. i’m gonna shoot you in the face. that’ll ruin my day

33. most used phrase in your phone? i have no phone but i do say valid a lot because All You Fuckers Are Valid

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? michigan plumminggggg, we’ll exceed your expectaaationsssss

35. average time you fall asleep? three am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

37. suitcase or duffel bag? backpack

38. lemonade or tea? lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? idk the cat pissed on my brother’s papers once

41. last person you texted? moje rojenia

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? Hoodie Pouch

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? hoodie, obviously

44. favorite scent for soap? Manly Smell

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? mmmmmm sci-fi

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? long sleeve tee, plaid pajama pants

47. favorite type of cheese? Mozzarella

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? pineapple i’ll eat you out ;)

49. what saying or quote do you live by? if someone makes you happy make them happier

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? my mother made the weirdest fucking sound once, and i couldn’t breathe and fell off the chair

51. current stresses? school, driver’s training, some other stuff

52. favorite font? Kristen ITC

53. what is the current state of your hands?  ????? clean?? i have a ring on my right middle finger, some scars on both hands, my nails are short

54. what did you learn from your first job?  haven’t had a job yet

55. favorite fairy tale?  any of the old Grimm’s fairy tales  they terrified me when i was young, but then i got a taste for the disturbed and gore so they became perfect for me 

56. favorite tradition?  my family doesn’t really have any traditions

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?  gaining confidence to not be a complete pushover, quitting self-harm, realizing my first relationship wasn’t my fault

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i don’t  have four talents  i can color really well? i can copy drawings if i look at them long enough

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?  Fuck

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? something along the lines of kabaneri of the iron fortress or my hero academia

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?  give me something to keep and hold onto forever. let go

62. seven characters you relate to?  uggggggggh bro my personality changes every hour i don’t know  Sam, from supernatural  uh, Klaus? from the originals  ....  yeah that’s all i got

63. five songs that would play in your club?  dangerous- left boy  adderall- Max Frost  sweet tooth- Scott Helman  binary mind- ra ra riot  while i’m alive- STRFKR

64. favorite website from your childhood?  club penguin and jumpstart

65. any permanent scars?  tons

66. favorite flower(s)?  coral dahlias and bellflowers

67. good luck charms?  nope!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?  quinoa, mustard, and root beer

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?  without saliva your stomach would digest itself

70. left or right-handed?  right

71. least favorite pattern? whatever the fuck this one is

 72. worst subject?  math

73. favorite weird flavor combo?  ranch and any kind of roast

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?  probably like a 7

75. when did you lose your first tooth?  neither i nor my mother remember

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? Mashed Potatoes Always

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?  strawberries!! they’re yummy and have beautiful flowers

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? both are gross no thank you

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?  well since i don’t have my license yet, i’d have to say my license

80. earth tones or jewel tones?  earth tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? they’re  literally the same thing  are you asking which one i say? if so, lightning bugs

82. pc or console?  both! i prefer pc but a lot of my favorite games are on console and i don’t have a gaming computer

83. writing or drawing?  i’m better at writing, but i love both!

84. podcasts or talk radio?  not a huge fan of either

84. barbie or polly pocket?  i never had or liked either

85. fairy tales or mythology?  faerie* tales and mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes?  cookies!!!

87. your greatest fear?  being abandoned ig

88. your greatest wish?  to live an apple pie life i suppose  my partners and i living in a house we love, in a town we love, with all of our fur babies

89. who would you put before everyone else?  the young if i was in a room full of people, relatives, friends, elders, i would always save the youngest

90. luckiest mistake?  posting my diary on ao3 XD  i met my darling Leo through it

91. boxes or bags?  f....for???   bags are easier to carry, but boxes are just Nice ..... see this is why i think i’m a cat

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?  i love sunlight and fairy lights

93. nicknames?  Q  that’s that’s basically it

94. favorite season?  fall

95. favorite app on your phone?  duolingo or pixel.y 3D

96. desktop background? school computer:

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? just my mother’s

98. favorite historical era?  anything Ancient  greek, egyptian, incan, aztec, that kinda stuff

[vaguely-concerned]

some apartment stuff!

- by far the most time-consuming thing we’ve had to do so far was to scrub literally every flat surface in this place, walls and ceilings included, twice because apparently the previous owners a) smoked like goddamn chimneys and b) didn’t quite Get the part where you’re supposed to, y’know, properly wash the place before you hand over them keys :) it’s okay though, my parents were here this weekend to help me out and now it smells a lot less like stale musty ass cigarette smoke in here! (my downstairs neighbour also smokes a frankly staggering amount but I don’t really mind that incidental smell so much -- if anything it’s a happy, safe smell I associate with my grandfather, it’s just the constant ‘passive smoking by way of the ghosts of cigarettes past’ aspect of it being in my own apartment that bothers me.)

- having a dad who’s an electrician/all round handyman who’s got the experience of almost single-handedly renovating our family home from barely-above-a-ruin to an actual nice place is a blessing. (also a blessing just in general, even if the one thing that can drive him to slightly surly annoyance is putting together IKEA furniture lol I love my dad very much) the previous owner fancied himself a handyman, so it’s good to have someone to help me fix all the weird little fuckups he’s managed here. it’s all cosmetic rather than anything really dire, thankfully, but who the fuck just slathers silicone sealant on the baseboards like it’s icing on a cake and leaves clumps of it there??? also we’ll have to repaint all the walls because someone did a shoddy job last time and a few of the walls is a strange desaturated pink that manages to look like it’s maybe the colour a nicer shade of subdued red turns when it’s been dead for a while. even that can’t make the apartment seem less airy and light and it’s all easily fixed though, so it’s all good 

- my internet speed is so much better it’s actually absurd. I went from trickle to a thundering river and I don’t know what to do with so much raw power. I can watch a youtube video and it won’t stop to buffer every other minute??!?! witchcraft???!!? 

- I’m plantsitting for my mum for the next month or so while they’re on holiday and it’s convinced me that I need All The Plants in here, it makes the place feel so much livelier and less lonely somehow? (got my fucked up should’ve-died-but-clung-on-to-life-like-a-bitter-motherfucker orchid with me too, it’s my baby)

- started listening to critical role and loving it so far! (I’m only up to midway into episode four of season two; these things are so long?? I love it??) my reasons for not doing it sooner was a) something about the grey zone and ambivalence of the actors being there as themselves as well as their characters at any given time squicks me out, which is easily lessened by only listening to the audio podcast so I don’t have the faces, b) season one seemed to just be so much stuff I was getting a headache just considering where to start but now there’s a season two and I can get on closer to the beginning! and c) I was really worried it would squick me out to listen to mcree’s voice actor for so long (listen... my brain knows actors are not their characters and it’s fine and good but some part of me still gets reeeaaaal uncomfortable when I watch them outside of that role I’m attached to? not true of all actors, of course, seeing as I watched literally every david hewlett movie I could get my hands on for a while there, but as a related example I can’t even listen to a joe flanigan interview without squirming and wanting to wrench out of my skin *shrug* it’s just a thing) thankfully it’s been pretty okay on that front, the only times he’s sounded mccree-ish was for some of the random guards and I had to wriggle uncomfortably in my seat a little while but then it was over and it was back to being okay. anyway I love all my new children but I love molly and his weird faily charmingly uncharming ass the most (like he’s basically a con man who used his fake psychic act to exasperatedly tell some farmer with a cough to go to a doctor not a fortune teller & his love for his found circus family is so sweet and natural what a legend)  

- I think I’m going to go start exploring the area tomorrow! I actually really like getting my bearings in a new place and that little burst of pleased recognition when you realize how it all connects together. it’s still quite rural-feeling in some ways -- there’re fields and some farms and shit you can see if you stand turned to the right on my balcony, for example! -- but crucially it has things like grocery stores within walking distance and public transit, which handily beats where I lived before ha ha

- planning to experiment with food now that I’ve only got my own tastes to cater to (and also to try to save some money lawl), so I’m going to buy some dried legumes in bulk and learn how to properly prepare them and maybe make something with tofu? (I’m not a real vegetarian, I just find most types of meat bland and uninspiring and I love beans and chickpeas and stuff so y’know why not play to my strengths here and make a fuckton of vegetables + lentils or whatever for protein)

- I’m sorry if this is completely incoherent, it’s half past one in the morning here and I’m so tired I think I’m seeing a separate dimension, I’m going to bed now haha 

[worthyofluv]

Side Effects of D*ck too Bomb

Many of us weren’t properly educated on sex, the purpose of it and how to responsibly and respectfully engage in it by taking into account our health and safety, our emotions, the state of the relationship and what we want to achieve from said act. In my personal experience, the area where I missed the mark the most was when it came to having a meeting of the minds with the individual I was being intimate with. In other words, my head was in one place, theirs in another. I’m a vibey person, and so I often made the mistake of making decisions based on the chemistry rather than seeing the situation for what it really was.

Allot of us never got the infamous “talk,” but instead experienced the opposite. Whether our very natural desires were repressed and never acknowledged for religious regions or personal beliefs of sex being dirty or reserved for grown folk. Or maybe our caregivers were negligent resulting in us being exploited and unprotected at a vulnerable age. Residing on either end of the spectrum can show up in the form of disconnection, impulsive behavior, and choices being made by the ego, rather than from that part of us that be knowin. That part of us that becomes diminished over time as we become distracted by the daunting tasks of adulting; our inner guide. When we don’t create the space to re-parent ourselves, cultivate our own belief systems, and get to know ourselves on an intimate level, allot of suffering can come from possessing a false narrative around sex and how we relate to it.

Growing up, I can recall moments where I’d hear things like “you better not come home with no belly.” (black parents love saying that sh*t) or being referred to as a bitch and a slut when the word got out that I wasn’t a virgin anymore. I can even recount a time when I was told that I’d only be good for laying on my back. So naturally, I experienced allot of shame, but also became quite the rebellion. (No irony there)

I was also a curvy girl all my life. So as you can imagine, there was allot of projection and shaming around my body as well. Imagine the confusion that came over me when in 6th grade, this kid approached me to tell me that his boy, J.J., wanted to let me know that he thought I was thick. I had no fuckin clue what that meant because in my world, there was something wrong with my body. I was constantly hyper sexualized in spaces where I should have been empowered, uplifted and guided. But after years of peeling back layers of shame and anger, I realized that there was no time for any of that. We were in survival mode, and we cannot be taught which was not taught to our parents. Or maybe I’ve conceptualized the whole thing in my mind as a way to cope. Either way, I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

After many years of social research, I now understand that when J.J. sent the homie over to tell me that I was thick, he was giving me a compliment and perhaps trying to use said compliment to segway into a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. That definitely went over my head. LOL

But the real reason I brought you here today is because I felt called to start a dialogue about how shame can play a role in our choices when it comes to sex. More specifically, the side effects when the D*ck is too bomb!

Let’s get into it ;)

These N***s are Actual Wizards in The Sheets

When the D*ck is too bomb, you might find yourself in a situationship for two years only for him to commit to someone else. And in an effort to reclaim what you thought was yours, you say “but I love you,” and he responds, “but I don’t love you.” (Ouch!)

D*ck too bomb might have you going back to a toxic n***a, even though you are cognitively aware that he is toxic, but you’re just hoping that he will experience a spiritual awakening and realize that you are the backwoods to his Mary Jane. Ha-ha. The joke is on you sis. He’s just not that into you. But that’s ok!

Side Note: In this context, what I mean by toxic is someone who is mentally and emotionally unavailable or someone who just isn’t into you, but rather than clearly and explicitly telling you that he doesn’t want anything too heavy, he proceeds to deal with you and your emotions in a careless manner. This is NOT for the men who are honest in their dealings with women, only for the woman to create her own agenda in an effort to get cuffed. That’s a separate conversation for a separate time. What I am describing is an individual who is unaware of himself, doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings, or someone who is manipulative. He is in it solely for his pleasure. Some might refer to what I call toxic as a fuck boy. But I digress.

Bomb D might have you responding with a sense of urgency when you get that “come thru” text, only to see a newly posted picture of him and his girl the very next day as you peruse down your Facebook timeline. (Really bro?)

You might get hoodwinked into becoming a WHOLE side chick all because the “vibe” was right. And now you gotta change your number because your goofy ass fell in love.

Great sex will have you falling for someones representative rather than who they are at the core.

Bomb D will have you ready to commit to a n***a who you haven’t taken the time to understand or even know if the two of you are truly compatible.

It’ll have you fighting baby mama’s in the middle of the street (so embarrassing) and acting a whole ass and doing things completely out of character to keep Mr. D*ck too bomb, hoping that he has a spiritual awakening and makes you his wife or whatever the fuck they do in fairy tales.

Bomb Diggity D will have you on the pill despite experiencing adverse reactions like depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation and no menstrual flow, just so he can have his way with you. 

Great D*ck could potentially have you settling for crumbs when you deserve a full course meal.

D*ck too bomb will have you thinkin you wit the shits, whole time you’re just a scared little girl trying to fill a void that was created in your childhood. (Sheesh)

A word: Being crazy isn’t cute at all. It’s a waste of energy, usually towards a situation that is either out of your control, or towards something that you knew all along was occurring, but chose to remain blind. Emotional intelligence, autonomy over one’s self and the ability to use discernment is sexy.

I am not credible

I am no sexpert or relationship coach, so understand that I am only giving you my perspective from my very limited sense of perception. I have however experienced the unflattering side effects of d*ckmitization, as a result of an overwhelming amount of unworthiness and emptiness bleeding into my adolescence and adult years. My only goal here is to help someone who may not have the language to describe what they’re feeling, and to show others that we’re all fucked up in some way lol. And that when we shine a light on our flaws, they can no longer thrive in the dark crevices of our soul. I truly believe that having these difficult conversations are a fundamental part of us becoming the most authentic version of ourselves. Vulnerability actually feels kinda cool (Thanks Brene Brown)

Self-Preservation Hot Girl Style

My loves, if you find yourself in the rabbit hole of trying to seek validation and love through sexual means, than he is not the one who needs a spiritual awakening. It’s you! You are the problem, but you are also the solution. It’s time to work on you.

I encourage you to find solitude for a little while. Get acquainted with your own body. Touch yourself. Consider being celibate while you gain clarity. Seek therapy. Get in touch with your spirituality. Explore your belief systems around sex. Are you ok with casual sex? Do you need an emotional connection? Can you be friends with benefits? Or do you prefer a commitment? What are your thoughts on monogamy, cheating, marriage, kids? In what ways do you identify with your femininity or masculinity and how does that translate in the bedroom?

Make having an intimate relationship with yourself a priority so that you can navigate certain situations with more grace and less confusion. Read books, watch YouTube videos, listen to podcasts, talk to folks who been there done that. Invest in self-care practices like yoga, massages and dancing to cultivate that mind, body and spirit connection. Make loving yourself a ritual and understanding your nature a necessity. It is from this place of being grounded in who you are that you can make choices that align with your true values. We attract what we are. And when we have not taken the time to understand ourselves, we risk ending up in situations where we are disrespected, but really, we are only disrespecting ourselves. On the contrary, being self-aware can spare us allot of drama, because when we are in our power, it really doesn’t matter how bomb the D*ck is if it’s attached to someone who doesn’t value us or at the very least care about our well-being. We begin to observe his character to see if he’s worthy of our time and energy. And if he isn’t, that’s ok. We make a mental note that we’re not compatible, and we keep it moving. Cuz it really don’t even be that deep.

Pun intended.

-Divine

[convndrums]

here the FAWK she ( the semi-finished masterlist of all my characters ) is ! took way too long but hopefully as you proceed to click on the linque below you’ll know why smh but yep ! i’ll be adding their pages on my account when i’m done with them soon i hope and maybe come back with a bunch of connections for each character but for now this is all i got & smash this like or im me for plots i’d love to get on those finally xx

reintroducing amanda wheeler;  intro & info page.

queen of irony. rich post- faux country gal who’s a loud homosexual and writes hetero fics/has an indie het smut for the absolute shits and giggles. dates a married woman she’s utterly in love with and will pull the life support cord for. said to be possessed by a possessed flapper. cute and knows it even though she looks like a republican. socially open & everywhere. morally grey.

reintroducing imogen yates; intro & info page. ( tw violence )

the grey area between your mom friend and your drunk aunt. happily vegan & owns a vegan restaurant called the fork, alt. the vegan cult’s lair. won’t kill you, but will convince you she really wants to. local brat tamer. minds her business via minding others. clashed head-first into nature’s very own reset button: amnesia. used to be satan and traumatized everyone. disgustingly active and accomplishing.

reintroducing ethan holland; intro & info page. ( tw suicide )

he is a sk8r boi, she said see ya later boy ( and meant it. they’re dating now. hey lourdes ! ) a nice person, so nice he doesn’t realize how fake he sounds/is. a certified headass. previously a bully/bully enabler, current guilty fuck. #torn. does the most for his loved ones. doesn’t remember his own birthday. googled foot fetishes once. trolls stan twitter with his fake selena gomez stan account when tumblr crashes. burned a sue of cide note with his name scribbled on it.

reintroducing sebastian miller; intro & info page ( tw violence )

kazimer sokolov whom. russian ex-cult member well-adjusted into a mundane life via lies, a fake canadian accent he’s ‘trying to get rid of’, being a twilight saga aficionado and a dickwad, a lame record store and a tumblr blog to keep himself sane by maintaining a general aesthetic and shitting on people and every discourse out there. knives/books sniffer. allegedly fucked a moose. probably kinkshames as a way to deal with his own “kinks” aka please keep the dead bodies away. ( im kidding i swear but [redacted] )

reintroducing prudence zima; intro & info page ( tw death )

parents died in a fire when she was two months old and it shows. idolizes avril lavigne & her favorite movie is lords of dogtown for aesthetics references. dude. social leech or effortless networker ? both. remains in her lane regardless. cry-types probably. here for a good time, not a long time. steals your stash and smokes you out with it. avid dick connoisseur. minimum effort lifestyle. either on her way to become a manager of some one hit wonder band that finds it’s demise in a freak accident, a drug dealer or god forbid, a guidance counselor; depends. mild cool girl syndrome. 

reintroducing jennifer meade; intro & info page ( tw death, violence and abuse )

bi/pussy muncher and proud misandrist, first and foremost. remembers killing her brother very fondly. the one girl in a room to call when you want to kill a bug and you’re relieved until she kills it with her bare hand. tops. unstable & chaotic evil, respectively. the ginger devil. biased and has her minion whom she invests a great deal of her time in brain washing and obsessing over. supposedly here to make amends but that’s not happening any time soon.

reintroducing margot williams; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

deserves better. very gay. all her friends are heathens xtra, take it slow. corrects typos in the gc. a nerdy editorial assistant daydreaming about publishing houses instead of the magazine she works for. lowkey shy and she’s angry about it. goes off if she must. jacks off to #knowledge and yuri anime. helps with homework and essays and takes the kids out. deadpan because we’re original but she swears it’s just the face & unresolved trauma. stans her therapist. unofficial older sister.

reintroducing chandler accardi; intro ( re-written ) & info page

needs to do better. dropped out of college for culinary school then dropped out of that too. was engaged to an absolute goddess he ultimately wronged ( with her damn best friend, bitch disgostin* ) and got kicked out to the curb. currently residing in the couch of his sister until things are resolved. thot-by-default & annoying. has like three ( 3 ) redeeming qualities. has never been told to shut up and it shows. works at buzzfeed.

reintroducing abel gautier; intro & info page

french and “confused”. lives a minimalist n’ expensive life. if american psycho & french kiss were the same movie. wine sniffer. the devil bakes croissants. will watch you die. takes grudges to the afterlife. gets attached but either ruins it or ruins it to spare everyone, himself included. falls in love a lot but knows how to calm the fuck down. very giving, fortunately. manipulative but isn’t too wild about bending everything to his will. 

reintroducing simini gale; intro & info page ( tw abuse, violence & mental illness )

token white actress & character in rosie’s show. [ britney vc ] its me.... against dissociation. a loud mess with an intense mental state and anger issues dulled out by her prescribed meds and whatever pill she got in the bottom of her manager’s purse. dependent and distraught about it. grocery shopping for garbage food and attending comedy stand up shows half drunk as a hobby. stable ? where. very nice and super flighty. heels are hot. wishes she could fight someone without feeling the urge to actually fight someone. 

reintroducing calvin o’shea; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

it’s not just the depression more than the incredible self hatred. walks into rooms with his bad energy, grumpy mood and cunty attitude. graduated college just to shut his dad up. wants to die harder than edward cullen. just doesn’t give a shit. has a baby named freddie mercury ( also known as the antichrist, with alanis, his mortal literal enemy whom he absolutely despises and will not hesitate to put his dick back in again lbr ) who will probably grow up to talk shit about his parents whom he also mentioned in his tell-all book on ellen. works at his family’s bookstore that sucks the life energy out of college students nearing a mental breakdown.

reintroducing isabel pavia; intro & info page ( tw drug use )

contemporary dances her feelings away. too ambitious for her own good but knows what she’s doing. in a goth ass secret society ( here ) a.k.a her new found purpose. knows everything eventually. oddly trustworthy. doesn’t know what speaking loudly is, let alone yelling. loves the moon & has that moon app. had to take painkillers when she twisted her ankle very badly and would take them for a while for stress and performance reasons, but has stopped. a quiet angel. 

reintroducing anastasia zeller; intro & info page

ambitious/multi-talented asshole. horror trash & an emotional/mental maze which translates well into her weird works on no sleep reddit and current horror comedy podcast. ( click here for info ). needs a therapist according to a friend, whom she dropped for saying that. will bite your head off. obsessed with her works to an unhealthy point. would love to establish a company and stuff out of it and is working on that. healthy relationships are a semi-foreign concept.

reintroducing morgan booker; intro & info page ( tw death )

vape-curious and takes photos of ghost towns and abandoned-everythings because #vision. had a roadtrip phase like the fake deep idiot he is. morally grey. genuinely here for a good laugh and spreading joy in the form of hover-friendships and taking lit candids of his friends. knows shit and comes off as a creep sometimes but does he really care. knows your mom’s name. lives in a disused hospital bc he’s marinating on that aesthetic. 

reintroducing bowie harmon; intro & info page ( tw drug use & abuse )

part of a duo in a web series as the anxious n’ cackling mess. showcases her depressión & anxieté by her colorful wigs n’ new hair dyes. painful receptionist at a tattoo parlor. recovering addict who advocates for drug use. thinks tattooing a ruler on someone’s dick one day would be the peak of her accomplishments as a tattoo artist. daily bad decisions. “ it’s complicated. ” when asked about literally any relationship she has with anyone in her life. traumas include her failed singing career. an ex viner-by-association.

reintroducing shaheen bin baz; intro & info page ( tw violence & mental illness )

the physical deception of going through hell in a short amount of time with zero mental durability to begin with during midterms. trigger-anxious. will shoot your toes off your foot if caught off guard. aided in criminal operations with the brilliance of his mind in codes. would not mind dying. seasons your food. waters his crops in his balcony garden. the grey area between a super laidback dude and a crackhead with violent tendencies. nearing a mental breakdown probably. 

reintroducing minka abbott-santos; intro & info page ( tw abuse )

defeats the evil stepmom stereotype one breath at a time. the human embodiment of a deer. gothic angel. alarmingly gets black swan. type to wake up to her staring at you from an armchair across the room, but lovingly, with a book she was reading in hand and two hot cups of tea; she was waiting to start the day with you. spooky until you get to know her and even more spookier when she’s ( note: calmly ) pissed but that’s extremely rare. gentle voice, soul and everything.

reintroducing reuben faulkner; intro & info page ( tw abuse & violence  )

rekt hell prince. lived in an amish community with his family until he got kidnapped away from home when he was seven into an awful living situation. doesn’t remember if the gas leak that happened five years later and killed everyone was his doing or not. knows where his real family is after months of tracking them down but. blood kink under investigation. shady bouncer at a shady club. has issues he has no care or time to diminish. fights for the shits and giggles. leaves texts at read. leaves you alone for your own good and his own sanity. 

reintroducing alexandra turunen;  info page

wants to do everything and be everything and doesn’t know what to do with herself ( read: post-graduation identity crisis ) currently investing in a motorcycle for no reason. essentially jobless. a “retired” kathryn merteuil who “outgrew” her cunning ways since highschool but really only found new socially destructive interests. appears to be self-possessed but she’s #shaken. doesn’t care about how well she presents herself anymore after getting rejected by four universities and refusing to accept her father’s offer to pull some strings to get her in one. sleeps a lot. 

reintroducing giuseppe del vecchio;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

goes by pepe because well. son of italian oil peeps & is extra. said to be in a cult when all he’s in is this extra ass dining club that does the most for initiation ceremonies. ready to fall in love with you. goes to the king’s college in london and studies business & changes his minor way too often for everyone’s liking. into everything and will be down to do whatever. faux deep. mischievous shit. incredibly unbiased. had his rawrk n’ roll phase that died along with someone in a club literally. still has it but he knows god now & less drugs.

reintroducing kelian scott;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

a father/father figure who tries™. runs a mechanic shop/chop shop because bad decisions and dire needs ( had his son to send to school and his daughter who passed away due to a disease he couldn’t afford to treat even after turning his shop into a chop shop. his wife then left him ). stares into the distance. wants the best for the kids but one of them is a junkie ( he doesn’t know yet ) and the other -- his niece -- is an orphan he’s worried about. thinks ahead 24/7. needs to pull out of this dull n’ depressing daily routine he has fallen into like the basic ass divorced dad he is. 

reintroducing sal presley;  info page

smexy trace & fingerprint detective. talks. the perfect illusion to bring home to your parents and friends. gets shit done which is both a good thing and a bad thing. looks calm, collected n’ well-rested but isn’t. his actual name is salvatore but no. knows how to mix drinks and more; used to showcase his multi-talented ass to make his ( currently ex ) fiancée look good now just himself. was engaged three times; two of those times with the same person. obsessive; gets into his job a little too intensely for no reason but #justice and maybe something else whom knows. loses sleep at least two nights a week as a habit at this point. has an extended family back home he misses occasionally. wishes he could calm down truly. 

[doubledrivel-blog]

13. Trump vs Lavar Ball - Ray Allen is a jilted lover - How old was Manute Bol?

Greg: Hello and welcome to another episode of Double Drivel. We are a weekly podcast offering a fan's perspective on the news and issues surrounding the NBA. Thank you for joining us. My name is Greg and I am joined as always by my co-host JT. You can find us on Twitter @doubledrivelers or email us at doubledrivelpodcast@gmail.com. JT what up my friend?

JT: Not too much Greg. It's so nice to be talking with you again. Where have you been? It seems like you've been somewhere else lately.

Greg: I hosted Thanksgiving, and then we had a little family trip to Germany for a dance completion. I am known as the Lord of the dance. The Lord of the dance is what they call me. There's a lot of things you don't know about me and one of them is so my German folk dancing. It's very important to me, but I'm very private with it.

JT: That's incredible. What is the best thing about Germany?

Greg: My favorite thing is the food. There's a lot of great food, and the people are very nice. You can drink almost anywhere. I don't know of a place you can't drink. I don't really know the laws or the language well enough to know where the limits are. I know that I drank in a grocery store walking inside. I walked in with a beer from outside, drank it walking up and down the aisles of that grocery store, and checked out with that same beer. No one even blinked or looked at me or really cared in the least. Amazing, it's just a strange amazing place. From what I understand there was a lot of strange amazing stuff here during the time since we last spoke. Lavar Ball and Donald Trump went head to head, Ray Allen had some issues, and there's a story about someone that we loved growing up, a really big guy, Manute Bol, We're gonna start with the heavyweight matchup, Lavar Ball and Donald Trump. You had the best little

line here in the notes that it's a federal level Twitter beef, and it really was. Why don't you go over a little bit on why they're fighting?

JT:  Yes sir Greg. We have the President of the United States, who recently took a trip to China, a planned trip. The presidents travel, and wheel and deal. This is coming on the heels of three young UCLA basketball players who were arrested for shoplifting in China. We discussed committing a crime in China on last week's show Greg, which is actually a big deal. They actually will throw you in jail for a really long time for things that.

Greg: If you told me people still got their hands cut off in China for stealing I'd believe it I believe it 100%.

JT: There was a high-end retail shop attached to the hotel they swiped some watches from. They got caught, they

got arrested, and we were kind of on hold for a minute. Then they got released and the president started speaking

about how their release came to be. He says that he had to have conversations with powers-that-be in China, and he had to essentially call in a favor. The basketball players were released, they came back to the US, and then they put

these three kids up on the podium do a press conference at UCLA. They ask them look like a hostage video. Those

kids weren't even smiling. They were saved from 10 years in prison. They stood up there like they weren't thankful or happy about anything.

Greg: Very strange to me, but please continue.

JT: Imagine 19 years old and then you go from a very high end Chinese hotel to a Chinese prison to staying in that Chinese prison for a decent amount of time. Then they were on house arrest at the hotel.

Greg: They never made them actually go to the prison that was one good little thing.

JT: They didn't even spend time in a Chinese prison?

Greg: That's great. No one should-

JT: Fine even if they don't have to go there, they come back and our president was waiting for a thank you that he never got.

Greg: Trump was not happy. He felt slighted because he was never formally thanked. He went on an offensive.

JT: Oh no, mercy me.

Greg:  Lavar Ball said the release of the students didn't have a lot to do with Donald Trump. Mr. Ball had some people on the ground kind of downplaying Trump's role and it wasn't a big deal. That was the worst line of all. It wasn't a big deal he said.

JT: That's the kind of thing that gets Donny boy fired up. as we've

come to understand and let me pull up

Greg:  If they said any sort of thank you he would have caught it. He would have known He would have replied to it on Twitter the same way he replied to the fact they had not said thank you.

JT: It's important to always say thank you regardless of your views. If the guy got you out of ten years of Chinese prison you definitely say thank you.

Greg: The original tweet from the president was “Do you think the three UCLA basketball players will say thank you President Trump?”

JT: He was ready. He's just winding up. They were heading for ten years in jail yeah and this man transitioned right to the 280 characters of Twitter.”

JT: “Donald Trump from Twitter on November 22nd “Lavar you could have spent the next five to ten years during Thanksgiving with your son in China no NBA contract to support you but remember Lavar” he keeps using his name “shoplifting is not a little thing it's a really big deal especially in China ungrateful fool China strongly says.”  Strong words from the president.

Greg: You know what they have in common? They both have WWE appearances. Much like WWE careers one actually had almost the whole storyline built around him and one was just really a one-hit wonder that showed up on one episode. Lavar ball wishes he was at the level Donald Trump is. He is someone who wants to be in the news every day. This is someone who's dying for the kind of beef that Donald Trump brought him. It  gets him in the news and that's all he cares about. And fighting with the president, you don't do better than that. That's high level beef.

JT: Why waste the words on this? I didn't think it was gonna happen this way. I figured it'd be something stupid, but never did I think that a father of an unproven rookie, who doesn't have the platform for this volume of a message, he just doesn't fucking have it- There's no way I thought that two months into the NBA season these two numbnuts would be wagging dicks at each other. This is certainly much faster than anybody would have anticipated. I would have doubted that those two comments would have put across at some point.

Greg:  You're kind of a Monday Morning Quarterback though.

JT: Let me try to guess who else that he'll have a fight with. It's got to be easy enough. After the fighting with the president it's kind of like shooting fish in a barrel.

Greg: He's just rounding up people now. It's where we are, everybody's coming into contact. It's kind of amazing.

JT He's gonna fight with Kanye, how about that. He will straight up be fighting with Kanye in the next six to nine months. Like when  screech fought Hoody in the fucking celebrity dumb shit boxing show.

Greg: He's fought the guy from Welcome Back Kotter. Poor Horshack. He fought Horshack. Up next we’ve got something that you love, so keep your laughing face on. Ray Allen's on the scene. I know this is a story very close

to your heart. I actually heard someone reference his appearance in a certain movie, and how he was the best part of that movie. I don't know how I feel about that comment. Why don't you tell us a little about your love for Ray Allen, and give us a little backstory.

JT: I don't have a tremendous love for Ray Allen. The majority of it comes from my close association of late 90s basketball movies of which I am a huge fan. There's three I love, “Above the rim with Tupac and Leon. You know my man Leon, who also played David Ruffin The Temptations NBC movie which you know I fucking love Greg.

Greg: He was in Oz too wasn't he?

JT:  Yeah and White Men Can't Jump. I have that painting in my garage of Billy Ho getting his Reeboks pumped up by Sidney Deane. I also love He got Game the Spike Lee movie with Ray Allen and Denzel Washington. Everyone loves Denzel Washington.

Greg: In all honesty I don't know if I've ever seen that movie. I've seen bits and pieces of it, but there's no way I've seen the whole movie.

JT: In He’s got Game Denzel puts on a stronger performance than Ray Allen. Ray Allen's character’s name is Jesus Shuttlesworth. Not “Hay-Zues,” they go straight up Jesus. One line from is Jesus Shuttlesworth impersonating his own mother from childhood. They live in the  projects and there's a basketball court surrounded by high-rise apartment buildings, and come dinnertime his mother would put her head out the window and yelled “Jesus Jesus!” so yes, he go by Jesus. It's a great movie Greg, you should see it.

Greg: I'll watch it over Christmas break when I'm home.

JT: Be sure to watch it. That’s what put Ray Allen on my radar. He's in this movie I really like and then Ray Allen has a very successful NBA career. He sets the record for the three-point percentage in the regular season. He sets it for that same three-point percentage record for NBA playoff season playoffs. He's out but then he pops back up in the news. Ray Allen recently appeared in the Florida Court to respond to a claim of stalking. Ray Allen responded to claim that he has been stalking a man named Bryant Coleman. You know this isn't going anywhere good. Do we know a lot of stories about NBA players stalking anyone?

Greg: I can't think of any. The closest I can think of is a story I love with Matt Barnes. He drove all that way to punch Derek Fisher in the face. He drove 50 miles to whoop his ass because he was at his ex-wife's house. That's certainly not stalking but that's court stuff I think about when shit's getting dirty. Even in that situation that's NBA player versus current or former NBA player, and you can follow the charges and the situation. What could possibly bring on bothering and stalking a man

JT: I  bet you Greg Ray Allen wishes this was a drug charge. He was sitting around like “God I just need one reporter to think I got a coke problem, please!” He claims that this guy Brian Coleman impersonated many different women online and effectively catfished him.

Greg: That's no good. Isn't that weird though? Why would Ray Allen stalk someone who was bamboozling him? Allen was claiming that he was multiple women?

JT: At one time he was kind of stringing Ray along on whatever avenues he was pursuing women on, whether it be Craigslist or-

Greg: It was  probably Craigslist

JT: This is what Ray Allen claims, but Brian Coleman says that all along he was looking for me. There weren’t any girls or catfishing. My mam was looking for the Bryan. This guy says Ray knows I'm a dude, we get down, we've done this in the past, and we've done it pretty recently. This guy might have signed a non-disclosure agreement about it.

Greg: Oh snap! They're getting down like a couple of bills fans in the parking lot. Ray’s got to pay him off and get him to sign an NDA and then the guy breaks it. Usually you don't get into that type of situation unless you want someone to stay quiet. The only thing we can do to clear this up is invite them both on the show. We'll just clear the air. We can bring Alan, he’s always welcome, and Brian Coleman. I'll have to try to reach out but, Ray Allen, you’re always welcome.

JT: This is a come as you are, judgment-free environment. Anyone with anything to say can come on and clear the air. That invitation is out there. Ray Allen join us when it's convenient for you.

Greg: If you're in any sort of trouble I'm not gonna hit you with the hardball questions. I’ll give you a nice soft landing here to give you a platform. Thanks again Ray, we love this story. We are gonna move on to our good friend who we grew up with a big tall fella, Manute Bol.

JT: That's a guy who was 7’7. He was the tallest person ever to play in the NBA. There is reason to believe that he made up his age.

Greg: I always found it crazy that you didn't even know how old you were, that there was so little documentation around you that you wouldn’t have any idea. He looks old in some of those pictures we were looking at. He may have been 50 years old. Go back and look at those pictures JT. He looks about 50 years old.

JT: When he went to Cleveland State Greg he enrolled at the University of Bridgeport, a Division two basketball school. When he had to fill out the paperwork, apparently the coach just fudged the numbers because no one knew how old he was. I can relate to this story personally Greg. You and I were rubbing elbows at this point in Pleasant Valley with  Mark Bang’s son.

Greg: 'm gonna take the other half of the story. There were two kids in our grade at our school. They were adopted and they definitely came internationally. I don't know what country, but there is reason to believe Mark was very old.

JT: I remember eating lunch with Mark. We were in elementary school. I'll never forget it. It was second grade, and there was a man sitting at our table. His name was Mark, and he was in my class. He was not in second grade. He was 13, and he had a brother who had some disabilities. He was even older. Mark used to yell at him like he was a little brother, but he was much smaller. Joey's age also very cloudy.

Greg: I don't think the world will ever know how old Mark and Joey were.

JT:  They were great people Greg. They were great teammates. I got the opportunity to interact and spend time with both of them. He played Little League with us. They were fast as fuck Greg. Fast as the day is long, like a cheetah. He would hold his hands in ninja stance, do you remember that? When he was running it was like he was chopping through the air. He was probably five, six, seven years older than the rest of us.

Greg: Joey, Mark, and Manute Bol kind of riding that same wavelength. They're saying he was 50 years old when he was finishing up his NBA career. That's crazy to think about. He was so tall at the same time, just remarkable. He didn't weigh hardly anything. The guy was thin as a rail, but he was one of the first big men that was shooting threes from the outside. He used to line up behind the line all the time. That wasn't something people did at his size. They still don't. It was a very precious shot he had. It was a lot of fingertip and both elbows were  out. He gently put it up there.

JT: Now his son is playing Greg. His son, whose name is Bo Ball, just committed to Oregon. He's gonna be a duck. Greg: He's gonna have that big Nike logo on his giant self. Congratulations to the Ball family. However old Manute is on his next birthday, happy birthday to him. I may have just wished a dead man a happy birthday.

JT: Oh Christ alive, let's see. Yeah, he died in 2010. God rest his soul Manu Ball.

Greg: His son really carrying the torch for the family. That's good for the Ball family. Another great episode JT.

JT: Absolutely. Glad to have you back in the states,

Greg: I'm glad we're back too. Danka. We will be back next week with another episode. In the meantime you can follow us on twitter @doubledrivelers or you can email us at doubledrivelpodcast@gmail.com. Subscribe to the show on iTunes, podbean, or Google Play. Until next week, we will see you on the Internet.