#this fairy is so back | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

izzabela · 6 days ago

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white noise - audio 2

a/n: sorry for the delay! i was enjoying my break and spent a lot of time (and money) with my friends and family

One week later

Simon Riley never imagined that, in his years of existing on this forsaken rock, his pipedream of becoming a professional voice actor would actually manifest into existence.

Simon Riley, who came from a home that was far worse than “broken,” never thought he’d be somewhat put back together living in the bustling city of New York City.

It still shocks Simon that he’s so successful at this point in time. If his current self met that little boy from that shabby house back in Manchester, he’d probably give the little thing a heart attack from how unrecognizable he had become.

He can’t say he did it himself though, because he didn’t. If it weren’t for Price picking him up that day he was passed out in a booth at that pub those years ago, his “now” would have remained “what-if’s” and “maybe’s.”

He can still remember it like he was picked up yesterday...

Simon downs another pint, stumbling in his own seat as the table jumps with the weight of his hand.

“‘Notha,” he slurs, his vision filled with black and white from the alcohol poisoning his system.

“Not long befo’ tha’ kills ya, boy,”a voice not known to him speaks. He swings his head up, his eyes locking in on the unknown target before he waves him off.

“Mind yer business.”

“I would, lad, but it won’t be without you,” he responds, accompanied by a hearty, humorless chuckle.

Through Simon’s eyes, he can see this blob of a figure pull a stick out and something to light it. Next thing he knows, his nose is hit with the scent of a campfire, pine, and refined lumber.

“Who’re you supposed to be,” Simon charges, sobriety slowly sinking in.

“You’re wrangler, if you’ll take it.”

Simon snaps out of his daydream when Price’s choppy cough from his laptop enters his ears.

“Ghost, ‘re ye wit os?” A foreign accent is heard from his speakers. No one's face is seen, but Simon know’s who’s speaking when he sees the bar of soap icon light up on his screen.

“Oi, you know what they say about ghosts, Johnny,” another voice comes through the computer, “‘Less you know what’s comin’ when you mess wi’ ‘em.” This voice is accompanied by a British baseball cap icon.

Price’s choppy cough comes through once again, establishing authority and power.

“Johnny, Gaz, ‘nough of that lads,” Price mediates, fixing his clothes in front of the cams.

Johnny and Gaz quiet down, while Ghost just chuckles in victory (though, he’d never openly admit his win to them).

Another voice breaks through the speakers of Simon’s laptop- an older woman, with a refined yet curt speech.

“Roughhouse after the brief boys,” she scolds. “I have yet to get to everyone’s personal collaborations.”

“Aye, mum,” Johnny mumbles.

“Got it, Kate,” Gaz responds quickly.

Simon doesn’t realize that the meeting goes by a little too quickly, his mind unusually scatterbrained and all over the place. He doesn’t even realize that he’s alone in the call room with just Price, and he only understands that fact when he gets a message from Johnny privately.

Soap: Oi, Ghost, how copy there?

Ghost: All good here, over.

Soap: Hate to break it to ya, but yer in there with Price.

Soap: Alone.

Simon looks up from his phone to realize he’s right, and he’s about to make a run for it until Price calls out to him.

“Don’ think you’re done ‘ere yet,” Price gently reprimands, a dry laugh leaving him.

Simon groans, and Price lets another puff of cigar smoke leave him.

“You broken?” he asks simply.

“All good here, boss,” he assures, hiding his true feelings behind the “no camera” mode of the call room.

Price doesn’t need to see Simon’s cerulean eyes to guess he’s lying, but instead of pressing him, he lets it go.

“Wha’eva it is, don’t let it compromise you,” he takes another hit of the cigar, the long draw of silence an indicator that his boss knows more than Simon could possibly tell.

“Copy. Out here,” Simon ends the call briskly, exiting out of all his tabs before shutting his laptop with a crisp clack noise. The excess noise of his colleagues/friends and boss are gone, and now his brain can hardwire back to the other daydream he’s been having.

Simon leans back into his reclining chair, the plush leather wrapping around him as he’s thinking of last week’s surprise.

Simon couldn’t really sleep that night.

He can usually head to bed after dropping a long audio, the latest primal play and chase audio he released for his highest Patreon tier, but for some reason he remains awake.

Instead of his body winding down, it was getting all riled up thanks to the thin walls of his flat, and his (not-so-quiet) neighbor.

Simon sits up against the backboard, the evening lights of New York City dimmed behind his curtains. He didn’t need the excess light the city brought him, but there was no other way to properly put his bed in his bedroom without ruining the natural flow of energy that was ever-present.

Instead of drowning out the noises of his incredibly cute neighbor, he decided to return the favor- a quick ramble fap. And why not? Perhaps after a quick tug of his stick, he’d hit the hay fast.

Simon slings his arm over to his night stand, grabbing his phone and headphones to set up his makeshift workspace. Once he’s settled in, he begins to talk openly into the night, putting up the mask of “Ghost.”

“G’day doves, o’ should I say night?” he teases, his palm combing over the hard-on in his sweats.

At this point, he’s rambling into the emptiness of his room, disconnected thoughts about “How I miss my dove” and “You naughty little fletchling, listenin’ to me, jack off while I’m missin’ you.” Still, despite how unrelated his dirty talk may be, it all remains cohesive enough to end up with him degrading his listeners.

Oh, and a pocket-pussy in hand.

"You wanted this, didn'tcha? Takin' all 'f me like a dumb slag, but'cha wanted this didn'tcha?" he growls, low and steady as he can feel his core tightening.

“You like this, don't ya?" he enunciated, cock pumping deep into his little toy, his ears still pointed to where you were.

It didn’t occur to him that you’d stop taking care of yourself down there, so onward he marched as he was getting closer and closer to his climax.

He’d let himself go completely, a low rumble in his throat as he filled the silicone toy to the brim of himself. Only then did he realize that he couldn’t hear the noises of his bunny, and that she’d scampered off somewhere (probably to sleep).

Since that day, he hasn’t heard his neighbor make those lovely sounds. Is it weird that he kept up with when she took care of herself? Maybe, but it’s mostly the apartment building’s fault for making such faulty, thin walls. Besides, Simon thought he wasn’t being loud, he just thought he was loud enough to tease her. But since then, the mild interactions he did have with her became different.

See, when he moved in, she would do all sorts to get him to talk: food, desserts, little trinkets, things a neighbor is supposed to do when a new bird joins the flock. Simon did appreciate it, really, he did, but he could never figure out how to reciprocate the kindness he was shown.

In short, a social liability despite his (very sociable) job.

He’s still surprised you’ve managed to stay so… patient with him, so kind, despite his nature to other people, albeit he saw your patience growing thinner and thinner (how can you remain so content like that? He’d often ask himself).

No matter what type of image you paint of yourself, the baseline truth remained- you were his fan, and a big one at that. How he would address this, he’s not sure, but he’d find a way to weasel it out of you.

“Fuck me,” he muttered, taking a deep breath before getting up from his chair. If he was going to continue dreaming about this, he’d at least get something done today. Taking his phone, he opened it to see what’s on his schedule for this month and if he had time to cross it off.

Most of the projects were video game related: voice acting for a main character on some days, meeting with game execs, discussing and actually acting out some mo-cap CGI sequences, he’s also got a separate project in regards to an audiobook recording and everything related to that.

“Fuck. Me,” he seethes, and one can imagine the smoke coming out of his ears.

With a schedule as disfigured as this, he decides to put work off for another day. Instead, Simon will take his time making some pre-workout, packing little protein bars, and filling his water bottle. He’ll shove all of that in his gym bag, then move on to discard his home clothes for something more gym-appropriate, opting to wear sweats and a new compression shirt he bought from an athletic store. And of course, one cannot forget about his hoodie and mask- essential to today’s OOTD.

He plugs his ears up and begins to play some music, shoving his feet in his sneakers and tying the laces before heading out the door. It’s all fine and dandy, the pristine white walls and sterile interior of the room hallways offering little to none to look at, until he looks down slightly, eyes following the movements of a certain woman tying her hair up.

His eyes widen slightly, eyebrows moving his mask ever so slightly as he locks eyes with his number one fan- you, his little secretary neighbor. You’re equally shocked, if not more so than he is. You gulps, and she’s frantic as she tries to greet him (except it sounds like a warbled animal cry).

“Relax,” he practically sighs, voice low. “No one bu’ me he’e.”

“That’s honestly the worst part,” you mumble, but Simon is a nosy fucker. He walks a little closer, leaning down to try and get you to say whatever you’re hiding from him.

“One mo’ time, mic didn’t catch it,” he teased, offering his ear as he watched you flush and grow embarrassed.

You huff, turning your back and heading to the elevator with brisk steps. Simon sighs, following just a little ways behind before stopping in front of the elevator.

“Well?” you probe, nodding your head for him to stand next to you. “Are you coming down or what?”

Simon just walks in, standing a little farther back to give you space from him. He knows you’re not particularly nice to him these days, but you don’t outright hate him (he’s delusional). Once the doors close, your release wouldn’t be until after he gets off on whatever floor he needs to.

“So, where ya headed this time, neighbor?” you ask curtly, finger hovering over the many floor options.

“Gym.” A one-word reply, and one that makes you want to rip your hair out.

“W-what a coincidence,” you stutter, pressing the main floor button.

The gears shift, and the elevator hiccups before starting its descent to the main lobby. It might be quiet in the lift, but both you and Simon experience a degree of noisiness in your minds. While Simon finds it amusing you’re stuck with him until you both get to the gym, you can’t bear the suffocating air he brings.

Carefully, you take a peek behind your shoulder and watch the brooding man scroll mindlessly on his phone. The only thing that you can ever describe him as is big: big shoulders, big in height, big in the energy he brings, and…

He’s definitely big down there.

You snap your head forward, hands cupping your cheeks to hide the flushed look you have on your face, but your mind isn’t following what your body is doing, and the memories of last week flash through your brain like an old black-and-white film.

As you stood there, heat rising all over your body, Simon was equally checking you out. His pretty neighbor, his little bunny, all nervous from being in the same room as him (elevator, but it’s an enclosed space, so it counts). He finds it cute, a fan of his realizing who he is, yet is respectful enough to not cross any boundaries.

Perhaps a closeted slut? Simon thinks to himself, an angel and devil on each of his shoulders to try and guide him to make the right choices.

He’s brought back into reality when he hears you squeak (ah, I mean speak).

“W-which gym do you visit?” you ask without looking, hoping that he didn’t hear your nerves shaking your sentence up.

“Th’ one ‘cross the way,” he answers again, his eyes crinkling slightly as he watches your shoulders scrunch up in a mix of discomfort and delight.

You simply hum, and suddenly the door opens up for the both of you to reveal a semi-busy lobby and busy bodies with hardhats and neon vests. You’re both a little lost, but the familiar face of your doorman saves the day.

“Tony!” you greet, elated to see him. He reciprocates your enthusiasm, though his crooked smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“How ya doin’ taday, Pumps?” he tips his hat, though his greeting to Simon is more strained.

“Wha’s ol ‘is?” Simon asks for you, accent heavy and imposing.

“Construction down here. Someone was supposed to slap a notice on the walls, but they didn’t get to it. Currently figurin’ out which bozo didn’t do they job.”

You hum, Simon remaining silent behind you. You can feel the tension between them, and you cough awkwardly to get their attention.

“W-well! Mr. Riley and I are headed to the gym, so we won’t be here to witness all of it,” you say as you walk past him. Tony only nods, tipping his hat towards the both of you before heading out the door.

The revolving doors slap you both onto the street, and immediately you’re getting swept away by the crowd of people. You should be used to this by now, but you’re victim to these moments every so often.

Instead of having to fight against the current of people, a hand reaches out for your wrist. It’s rough, oddly calloused, but comforting, like those odd sherpa-wool throw blankets.

“Don’ get swept away now, bun,” he calls out, pulling you into his chest to keep you away from the current of people. His left arm is around your shoulder, and you’re holding onto his right arm just in case.

Despite the rush, time stops in your mind: your secret obsession, holding you carefully as you two walk to the gym, protecting you. Your “shield” is meaty, with loads of muscle hidden under the fabric of his sweatshirt. His chest is equally well-built, too, thick and heavy.

If past-you saw this predicament now, she’d be walking the line between passing out and orgasming on the spot.

Making your way past the crowd, time seems to be flowing again as you both made it to the gym, the sign being an indicator that your delusions are just that, delusions.

“‘ere’s our stop,” he announces, a twinge of playfulness in his voice. You look up at him, eyes trying to tell him not to let go.

He simply chuckles, letting you go and ruffling the top of your head.

“Not gon’ work on me, bun.”

You let go, thanking him quickly before rushing into the women’s locker room, and you’re smart to not look behind you.

“Enjoy your work out, bunny,” he calls out, a smirk tugging the fabric of his mask before he heads into the men’s side.

Back in his flat, Simon tapped away on his laptop to answer some emails from his collabs and such. No matter how hard he tried to remain focused, his mind found itself back to a couple hours ago.

Simon mostly saw the gym uneventful, but that didn't mean it couldn't be- and the spotlight was on you.

From across the way, Simon always found your figure in his sight. From watching you lift during inclined press, squats, RDLs, to you taking a drink of water, retying your hair, or simply watching your chest rise and fall from a hard set, Simon was enamored.

Of course, you felt the lingering eyes of someone staring your way, but Simon always looked away just in time before you could spot him. Even in the corner of his eye, he'd find himself staking you out, like a wolf set on his prey for the night.

Except he's taking his time with this prey.

As he's wrapping up another email, setting a date for a voice acting shoot for a shooting game Price set him and his colleagues up for, he can hear the faint sound of a door slamming, and the muffled sounds of heels plopping to the ground with clicks and clacks. He smiles to himself, knowing that his number one fan is back, but she doesn't sound too thrilled.

Simon's hearing a lot of swearing, but the crux of the problem remains relatively unknown to him. He can hear talk about "loss of papers" and "how a deal can't go wrong when the instructions were practically written," yeah, you didn't sound too happy.

Simon's not too fond of taking care of people the usual way, but he still has things to offer- himself (if you catch his drift).

And for you, Simon wasn't off the mark when he figured you were pissed, you were fuming. A deal gone horribly wrong with your boss, and he blamed it all on you. Talks about you "not understanding what's at stake," "leaving the most important factors out of the negotiations," etc. You were trying to defend yourself, explaining to him that his inadequacies in creating deals was not your fault (you had, in fact, wrote his script for him).

Which was how you ended up on suspension without pay for particularly vague reasons. You're ninety-nine percent sure it's illegal, but you were escorted out without another word, you didn't even get to say goodbye to George.

This was also how you ended up angrily stabbing ground beef in a sizzling pan for dinner, pretending that the meat was your boss. And to bear witness to your reasonable crash out, your best friend was on the other side of the line.

"And seriously, how is that my fault? Everything was written accordingly, even writing the conversational cues that his client would use!" you screech, shaking the pan to make sure your ground beef was cooked all the way through to be added to the rest of your dish.

"Can't you file a complaint with HR? You have all the receipts, I'm sure that you'd have a case!" she pushed, trying to get you to see the optimism in this bleak time.

"I've already tried to walk in a couple times, but security has blocked me from getting close to the elevators..." you sigh, scraping the meat into a separate bowl. Another heavy breath leaves you as you grab pre-packaged sauce and a box of uncooked pasta.

"But enough about that," your friend shifts the conversation, voice going up a pitch as her question leaves a... feeling in your mouth. "How's that hot neighbor of yours? Has he figured you out yet?"

You gasp, groaning as you're even more pissed at the thought of your neighbor. Your annoyingly attractive neighbor that creates your favorite hobby.

Your neighbor that you donate hundreds of dollars to every couple months or so.

"Don't get me started, you bitch," you hiss, and you can hear her laugh so hard that the call lags for a bit.

"Not only has he remained incessantly loud- for reasons I now understand- but he's spoken to me for the first time since he moved in!" you cry out, which only increases your friends amusement.

"But it's more than that," she eggs you on. "Do you think he likes you? Like, actually likes you?"

You're lost in her words, the last syllables ringing in your ear like an incantation for hypnotize you. The thought of this guy, your neighbor who's your niche celebrity crush, liking you? He's never really spoken to you at all, and suddenly he likes you? Insane, like coming out of a novel.

Then again, you were no stranger to the odd and straight wack your life can experience.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that and finish my meal preps," you tease, and you can hear your bestie's cry to not hang up.

"Buh-bye now," you drawl out, pressing the red icon on your phone and focusing on your food.

Still, the thought of him liking you lingers. He's never made an effort to get to know you, nor see you. On the rare occasion that he did see you, he always stared, eyes sticking on you for a little too long before he left. You're so sure that he was a massive cunt, the way he still hasn't returned your tupperwares.

But after today, maybe you judged him a little too harshly. Besides, you were always busy, leaving before the sun rose and returning as the sun set (and that's only if your boss wasn't in a bad mood).

Mindlessly, you were moving all the food and mixing it together, a simple spaghetti you made for tonight. Besides, tears and sadness make any comfort food taste better.

You were taken off autopilot when the sauce burns you as you were pouring it in your bowl, and you draw your hand back like an injured animal as you cradle it close to your chest.

"Damn, made too much," you whisper to yourself as you assess your food debacle.

You're fighting with the voices inside your head to give the beast food. You wanted to test to see if this was just a fluke, and maybe to see the status of your other tupperwares, but mostly to stake out if what happened today was genuine.

After reeling with yourself, you cave and begin to pack some food for Simon. Slowly, you're walking to your cabinet to grab an extra container, and you go through the motions of a good neighbor and pack him a hefty size of food. You press the pasta in the container nice and tight, and you take the leftover sauce of the pasta and watch it slowly pour over the food.

You're moving slowly, trying to figure out how to hand him his food without being weird, forthcoming, or awkward. After all, this is the first time you're going to his door after almost a year of being neighbors.

"Hi! I made you some food, want some?" you exclaim to yourself in the mirror by your door. Realization hits you at how stupid you sounded. It sounds like you deliberately made some for him- which wasn't the case.

"I have some leftovers, here's some for you," you try again, except you slap yourself on the forehead for how condescending that sounded.

You can feel yourself regretting this, but you're already by the door with your clogs on, and you have your key in your pocket

Now or never, girlfriend, the voice in your head probing you to finish what you've started.

You sigh again, a heavy breath sagging your shoulders down as you trudge out the door with the food in your hands and the pit of nervousness in your tummy growing heavier.

As you walk to his door, your footsteps echo and bounce back to you from the walls, almost telling you that you're going to regret this. Still, you ignored that gnawing feeling, and continued to head into the wolf's den.

"You can do this," you mumble to yourself, trying to build confidence for your less-than-one-second interaction with your neighbor (your hot neighbor who happens to be the man you donate a good portion of your paycheck to).

You knock on his door, the silence being your last moments to turn around, but that timer ran out quickly, and in front of you is Simon. You look up at him, eyes wide and a little frightened by his imposing figure.

Despite his face being hidden, you can see that he's pleasantly surprised you're here, especially after today. He's leaning on the door frame with his shoulder, head tilted to check you out as to what brings you here.

"Anyfin' I can do f' you, bunny?" Simon asks, eyes aglow with a teasing nature.

All your practice, albeit only being five seconds, left your brain, and you're left staring at this man speechless.

"I, uh-" you're at a loss for words as Simon's eye contact is weighing you down (or arousing you, but you can address the wet spot in your trousers later).

You show the food to him, the cramped pasta and sauce slowly peeking out, and he chuckles a bit. He cocks his brow, or at least the fabric of his mask does, and he takes it with a singular hand.

His fingers brush yours as he takes the container, and you swore that you were set ablaze by a single touch.

"Thanks f' tha food, bun," he says, voice low and smooth.

It takes all of your willpower to not melt into a puddle right there.

"N-no, problem..." you whisper, voice hushed and shy from a split-second interaction.

You don't let him say another word as you retreat to your room, messily unlocking the door, kicking your shoes off, and burying yourself in your nest of a bed. You're warm all over, especially down there, and you wriggle in your sheets to try and shake it off.

And as you're squealing in bed, a flurry of emotions taking over you, Simon eats the warm past on his bed, head leaned against the wall to listen to his frazzled bunny.

#pumps x simon #simon riley x pumps #simon ghost riley x pumps #call of duty #call of duty AU #white noise #izza writes #this fairy is so back

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fumifooms · 8 months ago

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Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis

Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but I’m jumping into the fray. I think there’s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so it’s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.

Falin cares too little :

A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and I… Don’t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.

We do see her worrying about what people think of her… ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didn’t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. That’s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; it’s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.

Laios’ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, you’re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, I’ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, she’d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, she’d follow him to the ends of the world, and that’s what she did.

She didn’t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesn’t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parent’s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I don’t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather it’s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that it’s as simple as that, mind you, but let’s talk about this for now.

Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). They’re the ones she’s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didn’t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.

What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think that’s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we can’t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that she’s in there, we just don’t know at what degree), that we don’t know her enough to be able to tell when she’s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.

And this is what’s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. She’s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he can’t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see that… Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesn’t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who she’s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they don’t cross her mind then of course she’d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesn’t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isn’t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see she’s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me there’s this aspect to her that she isn’t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and there’s something interesting to that.

People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so she’s friendly and hopefully things’ll be smooth sailing. It’s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you don’t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesn’t do what she does because she loves them, but because she loves them.

One situation that’s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what I’m trying to get at, is Shuro’s proposal to her. I’ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didn’t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I can’t say no, I don’t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but it’s actually canon in the Adventurer’s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didn’t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but it’d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense she’d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, there’s even a bit on it on Laios’ Adventurer’s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, it’s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brother’s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldn’t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?

So her hesitance was "yeah that’s convenient for me, but where it’s everything to him and heartfelt I’m able to be detached because I don’t care about it that much… Can I do that? I’m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though it’s not what you’d expect, isn’t it?

And central to my analysis, where I’m going with this is, I feel like that’s the thing with her character, that she doesn’t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didn’t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didn’t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didn’t seem to care about how they’d experienced her choices.

So it’s a tendency… And it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that the way she measures what’s good for the ones she loves isn’t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). It’s an overt but quiet kind of care, it’s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.

So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuro’s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because she’s thinking about reciprocity, about if it’d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And that’s a big part of her character isn’t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.

Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, she’d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurer’s Bible explanation was released midstory, so I’m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didn’t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesn’t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasn’t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what I’m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuro’s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.

And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? It’s rather layered, because canonically she wasn’t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and we’re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isn’t being mistreated (though doesn’t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough she’s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when she’s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chief’s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.

She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.

And this sort of understanding is part of why I think she’d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when she’s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think it’s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. She’s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuro’s proposal, doesn’t want to lead him on? She’ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesn’t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.

We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think that’s here too. She doesn’t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesn’t change that she doesn’t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, it’s just that she’s learned growing up that she doesn’t have much agency.

Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. She’ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, she’ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when he’s pushing her away (because he doesn’t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved them— And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didn’t notice the ostracization she suffered.

She’s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didn’t try hard to rectify the dogs’ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.

So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someone’s presence isn’t something you ask for, it’s something that’s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you can’t ask them to stay or to come with.

She’s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so she’s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didn’t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.

And still, it’s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasn’t that I’d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I don’t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but I’m sorry that you’re so much more upset about it than me". It’s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.

It’s the autism it’s the aroace of it all, it’s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, it’s the feeling like you’re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. I’m not joking btw it isn’t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm you’re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you won’t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about it…"

So… Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I don’t think she actually cares about people all that much. I’d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesn’t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well it’s pretty straightforward really, she’s not all that social and doesn’t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but it’s not as much like… A conviction or goal. She’s too laser focused on a select few people. "It’s not that they’re bad people, they just aren’t interested in humans."

And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isn’t her whole world or that she isn’t the kindest soul out there then you’re saying she doesn’t care at all or she’s evil. And that’s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but it’s not in a way that’s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they don’t have the same logic as her, don’t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if I’m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isn’t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.

And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, there’s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. There’s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason I’ve chosen this angle is I feel it’s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falin’s character arc as I’ll go over throughout the next section…

So.

Not feeling as much as she should. And……. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?

You can’t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.

Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when she’s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to just… Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. That’s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.

There’s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, and… Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falin’s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragon’s wasn’t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. She’s stripped of her agency consistently, and so… It’s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.

Personally, I think freedom is Falin’s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.

And if you think I’m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laios’ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, it’s something that’s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.

Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, it’s always been Laios’ curse.

Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, but… On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks it’d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If there’s someone you don’t like, you can gobble ‘em up in one bite. If you could fly, you’d be able to leave this village right now." It’s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.

But you’ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesn’t want to leave knowing they’ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laios’ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isn’t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isn’t to stay and see how well his friends will live, it’s to go. It’s to leave. It’s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. It’s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didn’t, or not caring and wishing you did.

In the end, it’s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. It’s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying they’ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while they’re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what it’s like to have what she’s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.

No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if you’re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when you’re a beast and you can just… Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because you’re at the bottom of the hierarchy, you’re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.

I think she’s on autopilot. I think she’s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and it’s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) It’s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And that’s what is weaponized when she’s a chimera, that instinct she’s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesn’t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesn’t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because she’s trained it to take as little place as it could.

Falin cares too much

She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.

So you’re probably seeing the duality I’m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often don’t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesn’t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.

In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. She’s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, it’s text, in the response to Shuro’s proposal extra no less. And she’s so laser focused on her most loved people that she’s fine with being callous and risking others’ lives, even.

Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.

Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.

And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with her… Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her too… In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way that’s not palatable. But she doesn’t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasn’t for a while now, and that’s great.

Notes & nuance

I’m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. It’s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but there’s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "it’s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldn’t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falin’s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, it’s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I can’t just pull it up whenever it’s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurer’s Bible profile if you haven’t already.

I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didn’t seem to mind others ostracizing her, it’s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid she’s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leader… There’s one istanxe of her caring actually, and it’s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laios’ said it and as I rambled Laios’ words are her world, but actually it’s ambiguous. It’s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, there’s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other hand…

Her Adventurer’s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falin’s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesn’t like being called cute over it, but that’s not how she wants people to see her. She doesn’t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.

Here’s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts don’t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe it’s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didn’t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ‘troublesome’. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.

And on the topic of appearances… A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurer’s Bible profile) it’s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."

Imo the thing is, I don’t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for others’ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but that’s not personality wise it’s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like that’s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesn’t know what she wants because everything she’s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesn’t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesn’t ask things from people and doesn’t hope for more, hope for better. I don’t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her it’s less ‘appearing stoic to fit in more’ and more ‘yeah i’ll just chill until I’m needed or something activates my enthusiasm’. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you can’t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."

And speaking of passivity… I want to speculate about Shuro’s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we don’t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuro’s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I don’t think it was as simple as ‘she wanted to say yes for convenience’. Logically it’s what would have been best, but it’s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesn’t think she’ll get proposed to again, it’s that self-effacing tendency that yes it’d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isn’t in it, because if it’s convenient then that’s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man also… Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldn’t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falin’s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.

AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much she’s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but she’s for sure there & influencing the dragon’s action to some degree. Having a dragon’s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but there’s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, there’s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly there’s the Adventurer’s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that it’s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, it’s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, she’s described as Thistle’s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so I’ll reign myself in and just mention it again. She’s still at the heel of someone, only now it’s someone who doesn’t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that it’s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think that’s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isn’t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.

Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.

But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc we’ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "I’ll lay down my life for you" point? I’m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isn’t it cool?" gestures of showing things to her… It’s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe it’s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same time… I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. I’d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but there’s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.

Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo important… Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didn’t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you haven’t seen each other in a while or when they’re alone, and yes there’s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin won’t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same way… I hope I’m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they don’t know if that’s allowed, if they’re going about the social interaction the right way, if they’re allowed to ask that out of someone…

Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didn’t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falin’s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldn’t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course she’d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).

A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcille’s world, Laios’ is at the center of Falin’s, and I tend to agree.

It’s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course there’s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but there’s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.

I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think there’s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I don’t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ‘If you die do it somewhere where I can’t see’ style’ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I don’t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isn’t needlessly against ghosts. And Falin’s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because it’s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whatever’s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.

I’m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falin’s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laios’ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.

Conclusion

Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.

Tldr: Falin doesn’t care all that much, she’s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesn’t really care because that’d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but it’s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: she’s canonically very genuinely kind, but it’s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. She’s passive, and softspoken because that’s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the ol’ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. She’s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but there’s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. There’s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falin’s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.

She’s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and that’s it don’t hope for more don’t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how she’s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)

Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.

I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it

That’s it, ty for reading. Even if it’s a bit of a mess, hopefully you’ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.

Here’s my spotify playlist for her if you’d like

Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-love’s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.