#this entire part of the episode is so pretty like goddamn

[snowthedemonfox]

the sillies

[1moreff-creator]

DRDT CH2 PT2: Full Analysis

While CH2 Part 2 was releasing, I chose to make liveblog-reaction posts to the episodes to record my immediate thoughts for posterity, but that meant that actual, coherent analysis was pushed to the side in favor of me freaking out over… everything going on. But goddamn; even accounting for recency bias, this might just be my favorite trial of any DR style killing game I’ve ever seen (though admittedly I'm working with a small sample size). So I felt it merited a bit more… cohesive analysis. That’s what this post is!

WARNING: This post is around 28k words long. Do not click "read more" unless you're ready for lag, and make sure to take breaks while reading if needed.

Spoilers for DRDT CH2. CW: Murder, suicide, hanging, execution, gun violence, self-harm, blood, stabbing (fork).

(Btw you can find my immediate reactions in my post masterlist. Not linking each individually here because I hit Tumblr's 100 link limit. I know, I know)

How do I even structure this? I guess I’ll start with the actual case itself, then go character by character because WOW.

Also, I hope you forgive that I can't put images for every referenced piece of dialogue (Tumblr 30 image limit when I catch you...), so I'll save them for when they're necessary and instead add links to the referenced quote in the episode.

The Case

Although I’ve made many posts talking about this damn thing, I don’t think I’ve ever expressed just how cool the actual mystery is. The evidence is all there from the beginning bar the note and alibis, introduced in a way that doesn’t make the method obvious, but that still allowed the audience to figure out the main aspects without much issue. Everything follows logically, and while there’s a few things that ended up being less important than some expected (that glove will haunt the fandom forever I fear), everything got explained in what I consider to be a pretty satisfactory way. It wasn’t obscenely complex or crazy, but I consider the method to be just right for a chapter 2 case.

Oh and the Nico case was cool too, even if half the shit in that crime scene will haunt me forever. Why were there two weights off to the side-? not important.

If there’s one critique I can give the actual discussion of the case (and this is legitimately the only real critique I have of this entire set of episodes), I’d argue that the way the method is presented is… weird. Like, I get why, DRDT is clearly more focused on character conflict than the murder mystery aspect, but there were still a lot of moments where it felt like Teruko’s thought process wasn’t explored properly, to the point where it sometimes felt like Teruko just… magically got the answers whispered to her by the ghost of Kirigiri.

As an example, take the ball of clothes over the rafters. Ace mentions the issue of getting the rope up there, and Teruko immediately jumps to the right conclusion of the seemingly completely unrelated ball of clothes.

To illustrate why this feels weird, let me tell you what my thought process was when I came up with the theory (because again, the evidence was laid out well enough that I did manage to call this, even if I got a fair bit of other stuff wrong). Obviously it's not the only admissible thought process, but it's a good example to see how I feel the presentation of evidence should have been handled.

We know Arei was hung from high up (Veronika’s account) -> We can confirm something happened on the rafters because the lights are broken -> Brainstorming how that could have happened (screening room connection? Secret ladder?) -> Perhaps something was thrown up there with the rope attached -> Ball of clothes.

In the series, however, we get:

Arei was probably hung from high (Veronika’s account) -> Discussion continues, literally the entirety of Nico's situation gets explained -> Ace brings up the issue for the first time like three years later-> Teruko immediately points to the ball of clothes -> The lights are only mentioned after.

You get what I'm saying? The progression doesn't feel as natural, because we immediately jump to the conclusion without discussing the evidence that leads to it. This also happens with things like the pulley method, where Teruko explains everything before bringing up the tape on the spinny thing, which is the only thing implicating said spinny thing in the method. And I feel like the reason quite a few people felt there should be more to the case is because the evidence wasn't presented properly.

That said, this is an extremely minor point. Again, DRDT is more focused on character drama than murder mystery, so I don’t particularly mind if I can nitpick a few things in the writing surrounding the mystery solving.

And oh boy, was there character drama this trial! Thank the gods I’m only covering Part 2, I think I’d die if I tried to talk about the entire trial as a whole.

Character Analysis

I’ll go in order, starting with the characters I feel had the least prominence, and making my way to the ones who really stole the spotlight this part.

Mai Akasaki

No content lol. Though this is probably a good time to mention that, in this post, I'll mostly ignore theorizing related stuff and focus more on straight up character analysis, even if the two sometimes intersect. Game Theory-like speculation will mostly be saved for dedicated posts :p

Xander Matthews

He got mentioned, but he’ll come up in David’s section so. Skipping him. 

Min Jeung

Well, there were a few references. Such as:

Min: I'll fix your mistake! - Teruko: But I'll fix my mistake.

Something something, David-Xander vs Teruko-Min parallels, etc. And also:

I like the visual symbolism that the images are effectively flipped (Teruko on the left-Teruko on the right and hugger on the right-hugger on the left, Teruko facing the camera-Teruko facing away), because the situations are inverted. In Min’s, the culprit hugs Teruko after she dooms them to their fate, and in Eden’s, a non-culprit hugs Teruko as she starts defending them. I did notice on first watch, but didn’t say anything because at the time it was still possible Eden was the culprit. Alas, the symbolism is consistent!

There's only one last thing to mention about Min. One tiny, itsy bitsy detail that probably has no lore relevance whatsoever.

MonoTV [2-16]: Now loading the default XF-Ture Tech personality drivers.

Min [BE1]: But one day, we were visited by the founder of that big company, XF-Ture Tech. He told my parents that he would sponsor me and pay for all of our expenses.

Oh yeah, MonoTV was created by the same company that sponsored Min as the Ultimate Student! Hey, what the fuck?

We'll get into it more later in the (I cannot believe I'm about to say this) MonoTV section (or rather the post linked to in said section), but MonoTV seems to have been created specifically for the killing game. This means there's a very real chance XF-Ture Tech is behind all this. That paints the sponsorship of Min as a strikingly shady thing (well, more than it already was), to the point there's a very real chance Min is straight up connected to the origins of the killing game, if not outright the mastermind. We'll have to see how this plays out later, since right now, we're still lacking a lot of critical context.

But hey! We might get more Min content in the future! I, for one, am very, very excited.

Charles Cuevas

Not too much character insight on this one, but he got a couple of cool moments. As always, funny, bounces well off Whit, very helpful in the trial, weirdly knowledgeable about jockeying (or maybe he just, like, thought about it, it’s not like most of what he says aren’t conclusions anyone could arrive at by simply knowing what horse racing is), and-

Charles [2-15]: I'm the only person reasonable enough to make that sort of judgement call. Everyone else who does so is being biased to the point of idiocy.

-it’s nice to see his pridefulness didn’t just go away after CH1! He’s neat :)

J Rosales/Moreno

Half of her dialogue this part is just her talking about how murder is bad. It’s fine, it’s just odd.

I guess if you want someone to point out murder’s bad, J’s one of the only real options, isn’t she? You need a confrontational character (so no Eden or Rose or Whit), who wouldn’t be a hypocrite (this eliminates Nico, Ace and Levi, arguably Hu since she defends Nico), who is mentally stable enough for their opinion to be held in high regard (this eliminates Arturo, David and Veronika, alongside half the cast), who is willing to derail the trial to talk morality (eliminating Charles and arguably Teruko), and who isn’t dead or missing (like Xander, Arei, Mai or Min).

Wait that’s the whole cast. Holy shit she actually is the only one that makes sense to be murder bashing how is this even possible. 

…Regardless, you could still argue that you don’t need someone constantly pointing out murder’s bad, meaning there could very much be a deeper reason J is being so vocal about it. Apart from possibly being setup for her to be primary support moving forward, I personally think all this points to her just having a very strong set of beliefs regarding most things, which we could already kinda infer anyways. 

Or maybe Mariabella killed a guy. Yeah, sure. Why not?

Veronika Grebenshchikoba

There were certainly a couple interesting Vero moments here, which is always fun. It was finally confirmed her secret was, as most theorized, the “took on your talent to distract yourself from the need to hurt yourself for fun” one. I mean, I feel like everyone called that one from the moment the curtain fell away from the screen with the motive secrets, but you get the idea. 

We also learnt she had a pact with Hu regarding their secrets, which I would love to learn the details of, and definitely makes me interested in where these Recap Foils are going, as well as-

Veronika [2-13]: After all, my own so-called secret isn't even the worst thing I've done. Isn't that so utterly disappointing of this motive?

… whatever the hell that means. Why’s she gotta be so ominous? (I love this about her).

The last notable scenes to point out are all the scenes where she's... Veronika, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Her psychoanalysis of Levi will probably wait for when I talk about him, and her help during the time Teruko was figuring out the murder method is appreciated, but specifically about her:

Veronika [2-15]: Swallow your pride and say that you're too weak, too stupid, and too incompetent to perform this murder. Accept the fact that no one thinks highly of you. Or defend your dignity at the risk of admitting that you're perfectly capable of committing this murder and continue to be our number one suspect.

I just think the voice acting in this line in particular is very auditorily pleasant so I wanted to point it out :D

But Episode 15 actually has a much more insidious Vero moment, which I felt was way more noteworthy. After Ace admits to the crime, he goes on his whole speech, which includes directly calling out Veronika's words as part of the reasoning why he killed, there comes a point when Ace calls himself a "piece of shit", and no one denies it. When that happens, Veronika smiles.

Veronika: Oh my. How tragic.

She is such an awful person, just such a piece of garbage. I adore her.

Anyways, my appreciation of actually horrible women aside, we need to discuss the biggest question she leaves us. And that is "hey, why is her reaction to Ace's execution and Levi's almost death so different from her reaction to Min's death?"

Veronika [about Min, 1-12]: Min died in such a cruel manner...

Veronika [about Levi, 2-16]: If Levi dies because of this... Kehehe... I'm sure I'll miss him, but... This is quite a way to go. I can't say I wasn't entertained.

Veronika [about Ace, 2-16]: Aha... Ahaha... How incredible...

So, after considering it for a little bit, I think we're lacking a little bit too much critical information on Veronika to confidently state why the hell her reaction is so different, but I can come up with a few different possible answers. I'll list them in ascending order of likeliness in my opinion, and we'll see just how wrong I am once we get more insight on her!

+Veronika cares more about Levi than Ace, and more about Min than Levi. This is because she just said Ace's execution was "incredible," while she mentions she'll miss Levi, and obviously looks genuinely distressed over Min. I see no actual reason to believe this, though, because I... don't think Vero and Min ever even interacted beyond the trial? So unless we're pulling some very strange Veromin agenda out of nowhere (or Veronika is Mai Akasaki), this doesn't work imo.

+Veronika was acting in T1, but doesn't care by the start of T2. Possible, and it's true that Vero was more self-conscious about freaking people out in CH1, but I'm not sure if there's enough evidence to truly say she was only pretending to be distressed by Min's death.

+Veronika's reactions are based on the executions (and execution attempt) themselves, not anything else. This is consistent with her specifically reacting to the way Min died ("Min died in such a cruel manner") rather than the death itself. She specifically says she'd be entertained by Levi's death, and is clearly entertained by Ace's. So, I guess she just finds Min's execution particularly cruel/boring? Does she... have wolf related trauma? Test related trauma? I don't know, but I think this fits decently well, so.

+Veronika's slowly getting worse. A logical conclusion from the fact that she reacted one way in T1, and another literally four days later. Certainly possible given her analysis of people shattering in the killing game, so for now this is the interpretation I'm going with.

Whit Young

.... Sigh. You're not even that important to this part, how are you still gonna require so many words of analysis?

Alright, let's start with the pretty infamous scene where he talks about drop hanging. I do want to make one thing clear; just because Whit talks for a pretty long time about drop hanging, it doesn’t mean he actually says anything particularly groundbreaking. Like, everything he says is very logically sound, which means they’re conclusions anyone could have drawn.

Like me. Because even though I don’t think I wrote them down explicitly, I did more or less arrive at the same conclusions as he did, and I don’t have any experience with drop hanging. I’m clarifying this because I’m on enough lists as it is just by firefoxing shit like “can turpentine knock you out” and “how long do people pass out after being strangled” I do not need any more allegations on my person! 

That said, I am also not a fictional character who exists within a story which follows narrative conventions (as far as you know, anyways). Whit is. And it’d be silly to instantly dismiss that the dev specifically chose Whit, a character who is otherwise not the most helpful in trials, to be the one to deliver this explanation, and without any interruptions no less. Even Teruko and Charles usually have one character or another finishing their explanations, like Levi when Teruko explained the slingshot or… Levi when Charles talked about jockeying. Huh, Levi kinda goated?

Thus, because the dev specifically chose Whit to give this explanation with no interruptions, we can infer that he may have a special connection to drop hanging. Given what we know, I find it likeliest that his mother committed suicide by hanging. At present, I don’t find much evidence that he would have attempted himself, though…

You know how Whit dyes his hair to look like his mom’s? And how Color Theory in LGI gives him (among other stuff) “degraded copy”, likely in reference to this? If his mother killed herself via hanging, do you think he would try to replicate that, too?

Food for thought. Again, not much reason to believe it yet. 

Other than that, there are... the allegations. The part started strong with MonoTV stating it let slide a rule violation because it was funny (especially weird given what we learn in 2-16, but Whit's not the only rulebreaker in the cast so we're chilling). And then, 2-16 happened.

Whit [seven seconds before Teruko's execution, 2-16]: Charles, stop talking and cover your eyes! [...] Whit [post Levi shooting]: Ah, crap. The smell of blood is really strong. Even though I told [Charles] not to look, he still...

And, of course.

Whit: ...

Of course.

Alright, so let me start by the elephant in the room. The hand behind the back. The moment the cast learns the elevator doors won't open, we see Whit with his left hand behind his back. Many have assumed this means, understandably in my opinion, that he may be holding a remote control of some kind to close the elevator. In other words, Whit's the mastermind. But, while I consider him one of if not the best mastermind guess in the market, I don't think this is good evidence of it.

You see, there's no reason to believe such a remote would be required. By all accounts, it should be MonoTV's AI who is keeping the elevator closed with no need for outside interference, regardless of who the MM is. There is simply no reason to believe that any MM would have an "elevator manual stop" or even an universal remote (apart from J!MM for obvious reasons), because it should be MonoTV who is running this stuff.

As an aside, I will point out that, per the CH1 QnA, every character is right-handed apart from Teruko (lefty) and Arei (ambidextrous). You could use this to argue Whit shouldn't be doing anything with his left (the hand behind his back), but that's not good reasoning, as the sprite might just be drawn that way for aesthetic reasons and you're supposed to ignore handedness. Eden also used her left to rip out Xander's eye, apparently. I haven't seen anyone bring it up, but I have made this mistake before with a certain bat swinging Milgram prisoner, so I'm saying this to avoid others making the same mistake.

That clarified, however, the first point is still valid. Although I consider it perfectly possible, at present I do not believe Whit is holding anything behind his back.

Why does he pose like that, then? To answer that, perhaps it'd be better to answer what the deal with his other behavior is.

Because it's weird, right? Whit focuses on Charles even when everyone else, Charles included, are fretting over Teruko and Levi. And then, despite being able to brush off things like Levi's secret confession and Min's execution with nothing but a "that's wack," joking about rewatching said execution, etc., somehow the elevator being closed is what finally gets him to bring out the breakdown sprite?

Well, yes. And this shouldn't be all that surprising, imo. Because everything about Whit's reaction is perfectly in line with his previous behavior. Not to say it isn't weird (it is), just that it's weird in the way Whit's always been weird, and not in any new special way.

This is because every part of this reaction comes from the already established way Whit deals with tragedy; he avoids it, and moves on. You'll immediately think of Whit's mom when I say that, the way he omits her death whenever he speaks of her to the point he genuinely forgets that's a thing until a few seconds after the secret Rose received was brought into the conversation, but there's more examples that are actually closer to this situation. In particular, I want to direct your attention to the investigations in both chapters so far.

For the first trial, Whit spends literal hours hanging out with Charles while the Chemist has a breakdown, to the point he almost didn't investigate at all. This is excusable, of course; he was helping someone in need, and the culprit was thought to be obvious enough that investigation wouldn't be necessary.

The second, though, is perhaps a bit stranger. First, Whit doesn't look closely at Arei's body because he was busy comforting Eden, apparently. Alright, fine. But, hey, how did he try to comfort Eden after everyone started to filter in?

Whit [2-8]: There, there. Pat pat. Do you want to sit down somewhere else?

He immediately wants to leave the room. But, he's still trying to help Eden; maybe he's projecting? Because he'd want to leave the room if a loved one died, so he's asking Eden if she wants to do it?

Except, he does leave the room. He doesn't have any other lines in the playground past this point, and then he starts investigating with Charles, the one dude he knows won't enter the scene of the crime.

And you know when he splits off from Charles?

Whit [2-8]: If you're worried about Rose tampering with evidence, then all you need is another witness to watch over her, right? I can do that, since I'm here. I mean, unless Charles needs me for something.

My guy will genuinely do anything except investigate the playground.

And that's where the pattern starts to be noticeable. Whenever something bad happens, Whit finds any excuse he can to distance himself from the situation. And to be clear, they're usually good excuses; it makes sense for Whit to do all this in a vacuum, it's just odd that he constantly finds them. Other examples include him bringing up alibis when the note first comes up, and then, when he's pressed about it:

Whit [2-9]: Eden has [the note]. Ask her.

He doesn't even... want to have the responsibility of the note? Admittedly that could be for other reasons, but still.

With this pattern of avoidance in mind, the things he says in 2-16 are perfectly explainable. Instead of focusing on Teruko's incoming execution or Levi's injuries, he chooses to focus on Charles, because that's easier for him. He's once again finding an excuse to look away from tragedy.

By the way, I don't want to make it sound like Whit doesn't care about Charles as anything but an excuse to get out of thinking of bad stuff. It's pretty clear a big part of why Whit does the shit he does is that he genuinely cares about Charles as a friend (crush?). Whit probably does want to help Charles just for the sake of helping him, but it does come with the benefit of helping Whit avoid stuff he doesn't want to think about.

This whole avoidance thing is also why Whit is so perturbed by the elevator. When Levi gets shot, Whit probably hopes that they get to leave the trial room quickly to take care of him, at which point Whit can just avoid the situation entirely by just sticking to Charles like usual. But they can't. The elevator is shut. Not only does Whit probably realize that means they have to watch the execution, but it also means Whit is not able to get out of the room where a guy is actively dying, and sticking to Charles only lets him ignore the situation so much.

Why does he have his hand behind his back? Well, this is gonna sound like I'm on anti-Whit!MM copium (I swear I like the theory well enough), but I think he's simply balling up his fist out of stress. It's just that Whit "I don't want to talk about any problems ever and don't want anyone to ever know when I'm suffering" Young is instinctively hiding it so no one sees any sign that he might not be okay.

Does that make sense? Barely? Well, it's not like "emergency elevator shutdown button" is particularly more believable in my eyes, so that's the answer I'm going with for now.

Anyways. Jesus Christ Whit you're barely even relevant to this part how the fuck did you still force me to write so much about you.

Arturo Giles

I have less to write about Arturo than Vero and Whit because he's a bit more straightforward, but I'm still putting him here because he was more directly important this part. Speaking of, what notable things did Arturo do these episodes? Ah, right.

Arturo [2-12]: You shut your whore mouth!

"I thought you were only doing necessary imag-" This one's necessary shut

I'm using this to talk about the big speech about his talent, that he started studying plastic surgery when he was 12 and that it's impressive he's a plastic surgeon this early in his life. Props to dev for addressing this, I know some people are irked when characters are in the medical field from way too early in life without good justification like this. The fact he started so young also adds to the theory that Arturo's home life sucked, because it'd be really odd for a 12 year old to already be planning to leave otherwise.

The way the cast keeps insulting his skill, even though as he's said several times over the course of the series, the shit they expect him to do is way beyond his area of expertise, is a good way to build up to the way the cast also dismisses Ace's intelligence and skills later.

Other than that, there was one more moment when Arturo took part of the spotlight. When Levi gets shot, despite everything that happened earlier, everyone still turns to Arturo to save the Stylist. This leads to one of the most human moments Arturo's given us since 2-10:

Arturo [post Levi shooting, 2-16]: I--! I'm not that kind of surgeon! I've told you, over and over, I have no experience with saving lives! Something like this! There's no way I can do it--

Apart from the stellar voice acting that cannot be pointed out enough times, Arturo's doubt over Levi's condition is certainly a good setup for CH3, I'm really interested in how he'll handle this. Especially because...

Do you think he'd think of Felicity, looking at Levi like that? Because just like Arturo ignored Felicity's feelings (to an extent) in pursuit of his dream, he also neglected to study the more standard medical knowledge in favor of becoming a plastic surgeon faster, and now he needs that standard medical knowledge to save Levi's life. Food for thought.

Arturo is definitely an interesting character to watch out for moving forward, he's certainly in for a very curious CH3. Final note:

Arturo [to Levi, 2-13]: How could you simply *forget* that you murdered your own family member?

Get it because the death of Felicity haunts him even though he didn't kill her himself- Man I love recap foils.

MonoTV

I cannot fucking believe that this hunk of metal is getting its own section, but it is. 2-16 what an episode you are.

Thankfully, I've already expressed most of my thoughts about this damn thing in this linked post, so I'll just refer you to that one instead of writing it all again. As a summary, there's quite a few lore implications to the fact that we now have a clearly stated purpose for MonoTV, a goal for the killing game, a connection to XF-Ture Tech (because MonoTV seems to have been specifically created for the game), and I'm really wondering why the hell the default XF personality seems to care so much about Teruko and where that could lead to in the future. Also, very curious where the theme of fate will be taken with it, as well as where dev is planning to take the fact that it seems to have feelings of grief and pain and maybe even cares about Teruko??? Or has compassion in general??? What is wrong with this dog-

Rose Lacroix

Btw I greatly appreciate everyone who colors her name rainbow, I see you and you're valid for it. I need to color code my highlighting though, and if I have to do rainbow for every word I highlight I will actually die. Also I would need to put in an epilepsy warning in my posts lol

Rose got a few nice lines, but when it comes to her, there's one big moment that's really on everyone's mind.

Rose [2-14]: Has it really gotten this bad? I think my brain is falling apart. I can't even recall what day it was when that happened. Levi: You can't remember? I was under the impression that your memory was the best out of everyone here. Rose: It's true that I remember everything I see. But that means that most of my memories are meaningless junk. The kind of thing a normal person would forget without a second thought. But I can't forget. My brain won't work the way I want it to. I can't draw associations so easily. Everything reminds me of something meaningless, and I get distracted. And the worst thing is that I remember it all in perfect detail. Xander's body. Min's execution. I can't even look at Teruko without seeing blood. I know I'm supposed to remember everything. I know I'm supposed to be smart. I know I'm supposed to be helpful. Yet I'm not. I... I'm sorry for being useless. Maybe if I tried harder, if I just got over myself--

Do I... need to talk about this, beyond pointing out how good the VAing is? Everything about it is heartbreaking, but pretty straightforward. It's an extension of the conversation she and Teruko had in 2-5, where we also throw in Rose's growing self-doubt and self-blame over everything that's going on around her. It adds into the theme of this cast pushing expectations on each other (like wanting Arturo to be a better doctor or Ace being too stupid to do a murder), throws in some parallels to Teruko and Hu and Eden (the self-blame sisters!!! *fire emoji* *fire emoji* *fire emoji*) and Xander (the survivor's guilt boy!!! *fire emoji* *fire emoji* fire emoji*), foils with J (J who rejects what others like Mariabella want from her VS Rose who internalizes the expectations and accepts the whole Spurling situation), there's the "a normal person would forget" wording that kinda connects her to Nico and Levi and David (the "feeling separated from other humans' experience" siblings!!! *fire emoji* *fire emoji* *fire-), obviously memory is connected with Charles and Teruko, etc.

You see why I don't always talk about parallels? I have to bring up every single character up every time because that's the shit that happens when your writing is this *fire emoji* *fire emoji* *fire emoji*.

The other thing is Nico, but maybe it's better to keep that for their section. Overall, just a fantastic feast for enjoyers of Rose angst.

Arei Nageishi

You know this trial went crazy when Arei got a whole ass character arc during it, and she's the dead one.

For this part in particular, the big Arei moment was obviously during 2-13, when we finally got to hear the end of the conversation between her and David. I'm not transcribing it, because I'm sure we all got the gist. Arei figured out one of the main themes of the chapter, that everyone is a flawed person, and that means that no one's ever too far gone. There's always a possibility of becoming a less shitty person, and that's sweet.

But beyond Themes, learning what Arei's mindset about good and bad people was really helps to understand her actions before this point, though I do find it interesting that the whole "sorting people into good and bad" mentality she had is actually pretty similar to the way she talks about people in her FTE, which is some fun consistency!

Arei [CH1 FTE]: Yup, that's right! I organize everyone I meet into categories of how I should bully them.

... Well the context's different but you get the idea.

Arei used this principle of "sorting" people into "good" and "bad" to deny herself the possibility of getting better, because trying to change is scary. Man I wonder why that rings a bell.

Teruko [to Whit, 2-2]: But if you start talking about me and saying that I could be a good person if only I make an attempt to change, then I'm going to stop you right there. Don't say that I could be a good person, because all it'll do is make me feel bad that I'm not.

Ah right because Teruko's a well written protagonist. And actually wait, isn't there someone else?

David [2-11]: "People can always change?" What complete bullshit. No one ever changes. People who are born lazy, useless and stupid will stay that way until they die. If you were able to "improve" yourself into a better person, then it only means you were a better person to begin with.

Ah right because David is a well written character. Carry on then.

I do wonder why she waited until night three after the motive handout to talk to David about it, though, instead of doing directly after the playground breakdown. Was it, like, she didn't want to confront it directly after and only got the motivation/courage/whatever after talking to Eden? And then couldn't find David until then? It's odd, but I imagine there's no, like, big reason behind it necessarily.

Eden Tobisa

Hey Eden sorry I suspected you as the killer for a year can we still be friends? :,)

There's two big Eden moments to take into consideration, one in 2-14, one in 2-16.

Eden [2-14]: Why... No one... believes in me... Why? I'm... Arei's killer? No... No way....... Hu: Eden? Please don't cry. Eden: This whole time I've been trying to hold myself together... because Arei died...... I wanted so badly for this all to be a dream, and for Arei to be alive and by my side.... But now, you all think I killer her? Why? I cared about her! Arei is... She could have been my friend! Why would I kill her?? Levi: Eden, please calm down... Eden: Why am I being accused of murdering Arei? I wanted to help her! I just wanted to be friends with her! Why would you say that I killed her? Is it because you think I hated her? That's not true! I didn't hate her! Teruko: Eden.

I'm gonna cut it off there and resume in a bit, partly so I can organize this better and partly to make absolutely sure I don't hit the Tumblr limit on characters in a single text block (because my entire blog is evidently dedicated to testing this hellsite's limits lmao).

There's honestly a surprising amount of nuance in this small breakdown. We start with re-establishing that Eden is someone who constantly tries her hardest to remain strong in the face of adversity, holding herself together as best she can when her newest friend just died and she's more or less blaming herself for it.

Then, while I always praise the voice acting (because it deserves it), I need to bring special attention to the sheer amount of emotion in that "Why? I cared about her!" Hearing Eden genuinely frustrated at the accusations on top of her sadness is heartbreaking, and just a wonderful display of humanity from a character who is at times almost inhumanly patient. Makes me feel bad for suspecting her, and she's fictional in our world!

On top of that, "she could have been my friend" is an interesting choice of words regarding Arei. This is where having hyper-analyzed all Eden lines comes in handy lol. Because taken at face value, it means that Eden recognizes that her relationship with Arei wasn't at a stage where she could genuinely called her a friend, given that as far as we know the last conversation they had was after the Arturo thing. Nice depth!

The rest is pretty standard, though again the phenomenal VAing still makes my heart ache. Continuing:

Eden: Teruko... I didn't kill Arei..... Do you believe me?! Teruko: Listen-- Eden: *sniff* I, I didn't do it! Please.... Believe me... This whole trial has been cruel to me.... Help me, Teruko... I can't stand it... I just wanted to help Arei.... I didn't kill her... Teruko: You know I can't just take your words at face value, Eden. Eden: Please, Teruko... You're my friend, aren't you? Friends help each other... So please, help me... I promise I didn't... I didn't kill her.... I'm innocent... Please trust me..... Please.....

AAAAAAAAAAA-

Okay with that basic reaction out of the way, because evidently the reactions didn't have enough "text screaming" for me to fully get it out of my system, this is just a really heart-wrenching scene. Just the combination of VAing, music and visuals, man... ouch. It's especially tragic when taking the following line into account:

Eden [2-3]: Teruko, relationships aren't transactional. It's not that I did something good for you that you should do something good for me.

The Eden hyperfocus comes in clutch again- Is it weird that being an Eden!Culprit believer for so long is making me appreciate her character more now that she's confirmed innocent? :v

Teruko has, up to this point, never outright claimed herself to be Eden's friend, at least not as far as I can recall. Hell, her lines following Eden's plea for help seem to completely disregard the idea.

Teruko [2-14]: So for now, I'm going to assume you're innocent. Eden: W-What? Really? Thank you so much, Teruko... Teruko: Don't... get me wrong. This isn't out of kindness or pity or anything else. This is only because you helped me in the last trial. I'm repaying your favor, and nothing else. That's why I'll trust you, just this once.

How much she means that is for the Teruko section. What's important is that this means that when Eden says "you're my friend, aren't you?", she is actively going against her claim that relationships aren't transactional. She expects Teruko to consider herself Eden's friend because Eden has done a lot of stuff to try to make that friendship work.

This. Is. Wonderful. Don't you love it when characters fail to uphold their beliefs when faced with a horribly stressful situation? Well, I love suffering, so I sure do! :D

To be clear, I'm not trying to paint Eden as a hypocrite or anything. She's right in saying that relationships aren't transactional, and is justified in asking Teruko to help her because she considers Teruko her friend, even if it's a slight contradiction. After all, what are humans if not a swirling well of contradictions, desperately arranging themselves like the magnetic moments of a metal to try to make the slightest bit of sense of a reality they hopelessly seek to understand-

Ehem. The point is I like Eden a lot :D

Speaking of wonderfully human moments, time to switch to the other big Eden character moment!

Eden [2-16]: This... This all could have been prevented, couldn't it? [...] Of course I know [we can't blame ourselves for Ace's murder]. Ace planned to kill Arei, and even before that, he was planning to kill me. Rose: Then how can you forgive him? Eden: I never said I forgave him. It's just that... The Ace that I met for the first time wasn't a murderer. I... I can't forgive him. He killed Arei, after all. She was innocent, and he killed her for unfair reasons. But... Those unfair reasons were unfair to him as well.

You know, we joke about how awesome it is that the entirety of the DRDT cast is mentally unstable (because it is), but it's also cool to see the one actually more or less functional member of society in the group being the voice of reason like this. Not to spoil anything, but I find her stance regarding Ace's murder as the most reasonable stance one could have, and it's always cool to see a character who has reasonable opinions every now and then. But having such an opinion is easy when you're outside the show and the characters are all pixels on a screen; the fact that Eden can still find it in herself to be charitable towards Ace's situation while not outright forgiving him for his actions is a really powerful statement about her strength and sense of morality. Eden could not stop catching Ws this part.

Anyways, here's a few more fun Eden moments this part gave us.

Eden [2-15]: Wait, but... Is Ace even capable of doing a feat of strength like that? He's injured, after all.

I just think it's sweet Eden tries to defend Ace even when she's the other prime suspect :)

Levi [2-13]: And if tomorrow it turned out you all had passed away, I'd care as much as if we had never met. Eden: But you're a good person. Why are you saying these things when it's clearly not true? You're so kind to everyone. You're always helping others out, even when it'd be easier not to. Like that time Ace almost died. You kept trying to help him, even if he always pushed you away. Isn't that what "a good person" does?

For all the Eden Ws, she had to take an Eden L. Come on, Eden, Levi doesn't need to actually care to be a good person, he just needs to do good things, you know this :(

It makes sense character-wise, though. Eden has a surprisingly strong belief system, which is heavily shaped by her emotional nature, so it makes sense that Levi's Deal of doing good things with no emotional attachment to them would throw her off.

Still cool of her to accept Levi as a good person even though she just learnt he killed four people, however. It's good characterization; despite her misunderstanding with the lack of empathy thing, she still chooses to judge Levi based on the things she's personally observed, as opposed to making assumptions over things she only has half the story for.

Man, she's just so mature and cool and awesome and not fucked up in any way! Now that the tape thing's been resolved, I can't think of a single thing that would make anyone think that she might be a little-

Ah. Right.

Well, as a first reaction, this is definitely an Eden W in the oh so prevalent... DRDT powerscaling scene? She apparently managed to slash at Xander's eye, twice, with a fork. And with her non-dominant hand no less!

So... what the hell am I even supposed to do with this? Unfortunately, we're currently missing gigantic amounts of critical information regarding this situation, meaning I can't for the life of me come to any conclusions, at least not confidently. I tried to look at the pre-prologue dialogue to see if I could find anything, but...

Ouch... I really wasn't expecting her to attack me like that. I made a massive mistake to trust them. I can't rely on anyone. All by myself... I have to end the killing game. And even if I can't do that... I have to kill Teruko Tawaki. No matter what.

Fuck am I supposed to gather from this.

Uh... someone told Xander that Eden would be down with whatever plan Xander had to end the killing game if he just showed her whatever documents we're seeing in the Bloody Hands scene??? And she got too scared and just stabbed him with a fork??? Who is the "them" who told Xander this, a group of people, or a single person and Xander's playing the pronoun game? Or was it Nico???

Nico [1-9]: Are you really using unclear pronouns for dramatic effect? That's such a cliche.

Fuck it, locking in Nico as the one who told Xander to talk to Eden, just because that's the funniest possible reason Xander could have used "they" there. I doubt it's true, but it's gonna feed my God complex if I get it right, so-

Yeah, in case it isn't obvious, I have very little idea what this scene could even be about. Very excited to see where this could go :D

Nico Hakobyan

Nico stole the show for practically half of 2-14, so it's natural we should start at the main event.

First, the soft confirmation that Nico really did attack Ace with a plan to get away with the murder and escape as the blackened, particularly framing Hu by using her wire. This... vaguely contradicts something they claimed earlier, so we gotta discuss the implications.

Veronika [to Nico, 2-9]: Is this what you were envisioning when you tried to kill Ace? That the trial would happen like this, but with Ace instead of Arei dead? Nico: I didn't... I never thought about it... I... I never should have... done that...

Were they just... lying here? Did they mean something else?

My best guess to explain this apparent contradiction is that Nico thought about the trial in a more... impersonal sense? Like, when planning to kill Ace, they figured they should try to hide that so they didn't go down with him, but sort of... ignored that winning the trial would kill everyone else? It's hard to describe, but that's what I get from that line as well as:

Nico [2-14]: I tried to kill [Ace] because I don't like [him].

When they say they "never thought about the trial," they probably mean that they never thought about the full implications of it, even though they did plan for it. They knew in some level they were supposed to hide the murder if they did it, but things like escaping the killing game and actually getting everyone else killed didn't fully register. This thought process makes sense in my mind, I hope it makes sense in yours because I don't know how to describe it any better :v

Second.

Eden [2-14]: That's- That's so cruel! Nico, why? Aren't we all friends? If something was bothering you, you could have talked it out with someone else you trusted? Nico: ... Someone I trust? What are you talking about? I don't trust anyone here.

Fantastic bit of characterization here. Nico, despite being relatively civil to anyone they're not actively planning to kill, apparently trusts no one. However, I want to explore what exactly that means. Because it's not like Nico is paranoid they're gonna get killed per say:

Hu [2-12]: Nico does have an alibi. I was having breakfast and tea with them in their room early in the morning as well. Drop it, Ace.

I can think of few better opportunities to kill someone than being alone with them, in their room, at around 7:30 AM when it's still officially nighttime. Nico, at least, trusts that Hu won't kill them, though whether that's because they're confident they could survive anything she tries or because they genuinely trust she wouldn't try at all is up in the air.

Point is, Nico is distrustful, but not as paranoid as, say, Ace. Because of that, currently, I believe Nico's claim that they don't trust anyone is an extension of things they've said before; that they prefer animals because people are unpredictable. Really, Nico's lack of trust being interpreted as "not trusting people to react to their concerns properly" is very consistent with the way they've acted in the past, particularly their reaction to getting forced into revealing their secret, so we probably shouldn't be surprised.

Nico [2-6]: I thought you would laugh at me. I was worried you would pick up rocks and start throwing them at me or pick up clumps of mud and start throwing them at me.

Next point:

Nico [2-14]: You all are right. I tried to kill Ace and pin the murder on Hu. What else should I say? Ace: W-- "What else should I say"?? You tried to murder me. You fucking tried to murder me! And after all's said and done, you can't even say something as simple as "sorry"?! Nico: ... I tried to kill you because I don't like you. Even now, there's still no use to try and pretend that I like you. If I say "sorry," you're still going to hate me.

... Yeah.

Nico [2-2]: If you're having dinner and want someone to pass the salt, you can say, "Please pass the salt," or you can say, "Give me the salt." One of those things is supposed to be more polite than the other, right? But why? They both mean the same thing. They're just slightly different mixes of words. It's like that. I don't understand why some mixes of words come off as "rude," and some don't, even if they mean the same thing.

I don't even think I need to explain this further. I think it's pretty clear why Nico wouldn't apologize to Ace. Nico's just not to into social conventions.

Except:

Veronika [2-15]: What's wrong, Ace? You seem stressed. [Your neck injuries] are only wounds. What's the issue? Could it be that almost being murdered has traumatized you a little bit~? Ace: You think?! You think that almost being killed could have maybe given me a little trauma!? Nico: ... [Whispered voice clip: "I'm sorry"]

This one's... odd. Nico doesn't say it loud enough for Ace to hear, evidently, so it's just a genuine reaction to the harm they've caused. What could have triggered this change? Uh... maybe a little extra trauma dump will help? Let's pick up after where we left off in 2-14.

Rose [continued]: D-Do you even regret what you did to [Ace]? Do you regret what you were planning to do to everyone else? Nico: O-Of course I regret doing it! I'm not Levi, of course I feel bad about something like that. I'm not heartless! Levi: Heartless? Nico: That was the worst choice I've made in my life. I wish I had never done that. But looking back, I still understand why I did. I... I just can't stand being treated like that. My teachers, my classmates, my father... I don't ever want to relive what they did to me. It's because of those kinds of people that I can't be happy with who I am. That's why I hate Ace.

Okay cut off there. First, interesting to see Nico calling Levi heartless. I've seen it brought up that it makes sense for Nico, who struggles to relate to other people on a good day, to latch onto any defense of their "normalcy" they can, including "I'm not the weirdest person here" despite how hurtful that can be to say. That's some neurodivergent on neurodivergent hostility right there! Fun to see characters being flawed in new and unique ways /gen.

Apart from that, there's some nice reveals to Nico's backstory, which are always welcome. We already knew Nico was harassed because of their identity, but now we have names (as in, identity of aggressors); teachers, classmates, and Nico's father. That obviously comes with a question; was Nico raised by a single father, or did they have other relatives who were more accepting? For now, we got no clue.

But that final line is important, because I believe it's what explains Nico's whispered apology in 2-15.

Nico [already written]: It's because of those kinds of people that I can't be happy with who I am. That's why I hate Ace.

Nico's apology comes after Ace explicitly mentions being traumatized over the murder attempt, in particular in regards to his neck wounds. This can be taken as Ace revealing he's not happy with a part of himself (scars) as a result of Nico's actions. When abstracted this way, the comparison to Nico's situation (unhappy with a part of themselves (gender identity) as a result of others' actions) is much clearer. Nico apologizes for accidentally causing Ace a comparable trauma to their own. Which... I think makes sense from their point of view? People apologize when they do something hurtful they didn't mean to; Nico meant to murder Ace, so no apology for that, but they didn't mean the trauma, so they say sorry for it. Not that Ace heard it, but you know.

... That's a weird ass thought process, but I think it makes just enough sense to explain the apology. Let's finish the 2-14 scene.

Nico [continued]: Even so... I'm not a child. I know that murder is wrong. I'm not the victim here. I know that it was dumb to resort to murder. I don't even know what I thought I would have accomplished back then. I mean, I started regretting it as soon as Eden and Teruko saw me. I don't expect you to forgive me. Very few people ever do. So I don't see the point in acting sorry. ... That's the entire truth of my murder attempt. I don't have anything else to say.

So... "I don't even know what I thought I would have accomplished back then" seems to corroborate what I said earlier about Nico not truly grasping the full implications of a trial while they planned the murder, which is nice.

Nico's attitude over this ("I'm not the victim here") is nice to see, and makes me very interested in where their arc is going to go from here. Especially since Nico maturely accepting the blame is already causing friction between them and Hu (even if Hu doesn't seem to notice), and will likely continue to do so in the future.

Hu [2-14]: You all are too cruel! None of you understand how much stress Nico was under! And yet you continue to insist on bringing this up. Can't you see that you're traumatizing them? Nico: Hu, I-- Hu: Don't worry, Nico, I'm on your side. I'll always defend you. I can be reliable for you. You trust me, right? Nico: ... I never asked you to defend me--

... We're gonna have to talk about this in the Hu section.

Finally, "I don't expect you to forgive me. Very few people ever do."

Nico, what the hell does this mean? What have you done in the past that requires so much forgiving? What in the [DR2 CH3 killer]-?

Unfortunately, this is one of those "we're missing critical information" situations when we can't even begin to speculate what, if anything, this is supposed to mean. We'll move on and patiently yet eagerly await elaboration.

There's one more big thing to bring up in respects to Nico, and that's... Rose. For who knows what reason, Nico never gives an explicit answer to whether they actually were interested in learning to paint or not.

Rose [2-14]: Did [Nico] even want to learn to paint? Or to be my friend at all? Or were they only using me as a tool for murder? Nico: ...

Regardless of what the answer is, that's kinda weird. I'm leaning "no, they didn't want to learn to paint," because it sure would be a hell of a coincidence that they just happened to gain an interest in painting just when they're planning a murder that happens to require a painting supply.

That said, Nico does still seem to somewhat care about Rose, and probably would like to be her friend. At least enough to eventually apologize to her out loud.

Rose [2-16]: [Ace]'s right. Only Nico took [the turpentine] from me, and I really doubt they gave it to Ace afterwards. Hu: You're always attacking Nico like this! Nico: It's the truth, though. And Rose is right. I kept it. I still have the turpentine in my room. I'm sorry.

And it's not like anything this chapter erased the FTE:

Nico [FTE]: I was going to thank [Rose] for hanging out with me. I really enjoyed her presence.

So, while I can't know for sure, I hope Nicorose can make a comeback, at least in time for Nico to die so dev can inflict extra psychological pain on Rose! :D

Final highlight:

Nico [to Levi, 2-13]: If you said you killed [your father] because you just didn't like him, I could understand that. But you're saying you forgot about taking a life...

Apart from Nico obviously projecting their own murder motives on other people, do we think Nico ever considered killing their own father? I doubt they actually did, else that would probably be their motive secret (provided it's not a Veronika situation where their secret isn't the worst thing they've done), but I could see them considering it given how they talked about him and Ace in the same breath, and... yeah Nico sure did want to kill Ace alright.

Hu Jing

Hu was quite fascinating this part, wasn't she? For someone that actually ended up having zero relation to the murder, she sure had a lot of important character scenes. Let's start with the confirmation of a particular theory that really helps understand her character better.

Hu [2-13]: I've been quite selfish this whole time, keeping my secret because I didn't want you all to think less of me. Most of all, I wanted to lie to myself and pretend that I had no ties to the person that I used to be. I wanted to believe that the past never happened. But that's just self-centered. I've always been a selfish person, haven't I? I should put those feelings aside and do what is right. No, I should have done this from the start. I will share my secret as long as you all promise to immediately move on. I have Veronika's secret, and she has mine.

Well that's just sad.

I don't think I particularly need to analyze this, it's all pretty explicit. Hu wants to be relied on because she feels useless if she doesn't provide guidance:

Hu [2-11]: I have to be the one to give everyone guidance. That's the only thing I can do. If no one relies on me, then I won't be useful anymore.

And if it comes out that she's attempted suicide, then in her eyes, that makes her less reliable.

(Obvious disclaimer is obvious, the character's views don't reflect my own, there's no shame in having attempted suicide or needing help to keep fighting it, etc.)

As a result, she dislikes the memory of that "hopeless child" who attempted three times, and wishes to avoid talking about it if possible. Metamorphosis (butterfly) and rebirth (water by her name being "still lake") symbolism pulling through.

Also, while there's many reasons someone could attempt suicide, that little "I've always been a selfish person, haven't I?", especially combined with other statements she's made in the past, heavily implies her attempts were a result of self-loathing :( . Thus why she so desperately seeks value in herself by helping others, which is sorta crumbling as everyone she put her faith on (David, Nico especially) starts to reveal themselves as not-that-great-people.

Hence why I'm worried we might see a fourth attempt in the killing game. Her secret quote seems to go against the idea, which combined with some of her statements in the series proper make me doubt it, but y'know... The precedent's there.

Anyways, I'm bringing this up first because, again, it helps understand her other actions this chapter.

Hu [to David, 2-12]: Unacceptable! What on earth [sic] is your problem? I have had it up to here with you! Because this killing game requires us to live, you think you should just reject that notion and kill us all? You lied to me, manipulated everyone, and tried to make us all commit mass suicide! You really are the lowest of human beings. You have no right to decide whether I, whether any of us, live or die, all because *you* feel like you have no chance! If you're so bent on dying here, then die! But don't you dare try and make everyone else die with you. If we decide to continue living, then we will. It is not and never will be your decision as to what happens with our lives. David: ... Rose: Wow. Hu can be scary. Hu: ... I'm sorry to everyone else. But I've lost my patience. I won't apologize to David.

(Obligatory props to VAing ofc)

I mean, yeah, it makes sense for someone who used to be suicidal to be mad at David's bullshit. Especially considering that, in regards to "you lied to me, manipulated everyone here," the line I mentioned before about providing guidance continues like this:

Hu [to David, continued from before, 2-11]: I have to be the one to give everyone guidance. That's the only thing I can do. If no one relies on me, then I won't be useful anymore. You knew how I felt, and yet you... You... You toyed with my heart! All that time you acted like you were encouraging us to reveal our secrets to "prevent conflict." That was all a lie!

Assuming the whole "You toyed with my heart!" thing isn't referring to a conversation we don't have information on (which, to be clear, is 100% possible), it's possible that at this point in the trial Hu felt bad for going along with David's plan, especially since she might have believed it directly led to Arei's death. I think it's worth noting that she's one of the two first person to speak after Ace confesses, and she asks if he did it because of the motive.

Ace [2-15]: I killed Arei. That's exactly right. Shit, it sounds really bad when I say it out loud. Eden: Why? Why did you kill her? Why would you do such a horrible thing? Hu: Did you kill Arei because of MonoTV's motive? Because you wanted to keep your "secret" hidden--

Which could be read as her trying to confirm whether or not going along with David's plan was a good or bad idea, maybe?

Admittedly, "going along with David's plan" in her case literally just means "she told David, Nico and Teruko that people used to call her Julia," which you could argue is too small for her to genuinely feel like she contributed, but keep in mind the "you toyed with my heart" line is directly before a line referencing the "reveal the secrets" plan. At the very least, she didn't go against it, not in a significant way anyways.

If I'm right to be reading these lines the way I'm reading them (which, again to be clear, might be wrong), then David purposefully used Hu's desire to help and be relied on to get her to agree with his plan, or at least not go against it, or at least Hu feels he did. Whether he intentionally targeted her, or if his methods to convince the others to convince the cast of revealing their secrets just happened to strike a cord (zither pun not intended) with Hu, is still unclear, but both are possible.

So she's already incredibly pissed at him for that, then he says he wants everyone dead, yeah my girl's got the right to go off.

Though, speaking of Hu blaming herself for what happened to an extent:

Hu [2-16]: Arei wasn't killed because of an accident. Bad luck or not, Ace had made up his mind to go through with this murder! So we can't possibly blame ourselves for failing to prevent something like that.

This is after Ace confirms that the motive and David's BS had nothing to do with the murder, so Hu can fully deny blame for what happened. Which is relatively fair, it's not like being mean to someone makes you guilty if they then choose to kill someone, but it's also presumably really important for her mental stability.

Did any of that make absolutely any sense? Maybe. Hopefully.

And that's just all the Hu-only stuff. Because a big part of her character this chapter was defending Nico far beyond what anyone could possibly see as reasonable. I'll bring back the example I gave before, because I think it's by far the most extreme.

Nico [2-14]: Someone I trust? What are you talking about? I don't trust anyone here. Hu: Stop! Just stop it! You all are too cruel! None of you understand how much stress Nico was under! And yet you continue to insist on bringing this up. Can't you see that you're traumatizing them? Nico: Hu, I-- Hu: Don't worry, Nico, I'm on your side. I'll always defend you. I can be reliable for you. You trust me, right? Nico: ... I never asked you to defend me--

Like, this goes beyond unreasonable. Nico literally says they don't trust anyone in the killing game, but Hu still thinks they trust her for... some reason. And even though Nico says they never asked her to defend them, Hu continues doing it past this point.

The thing is, though... why? Like, I get the basics here, it's what we talked about earlier. Hu only finds worth in herself by being reliable, and she sees Nico as someone who needs her reliability, so she tries to defend them no matter what. Hell, she even specifically says "I can be reliable for you" in the quote.

But... is there a reason she's so adamant towards them in particular? She doesn't get like this when Eden starts being accused, even though they have a good relationship with each other. Apart from reciting Rule 10 when it first comes up, once that gets thrown into question, the only thing Hu says when Levi and Arturo talk about Eden possibly being the killer is:

Hu [2-14]: Eden? Please don't cry.

She never pushes back against David's claim that he saw the corpse, even though that would practically exonerate Eden via BDA; that's Nico who does that. And Hu never claims Eden is being traumatized by being accused even though she clearly takes the accusations a lot worse than Nico was taking them in 2-14.

So, like, what the hell? Is there a deeper reason she's so defensive towards Nico and not Eden, or am I just going insane?

Well, at this point, if such a deeper reason exists, I have no clue what it could be. I could speculate about Nico reminding her of someone in the past, be it herself or someone else, or maybe Hu just sees Eden as less "in need" because she's generally more stable and happier than Nico, but really, I have no way of knowing.

The thing I can talk about in regards to the Hu-Nico thing is its parallels to Veronika-Arturo and Levi-Ace.

Veronika-Arturo is funny because, well.

Veronika [2-10]: Arturo, you're... You're so... Fascinating. You're really entertaining. So I'll take your side. I don't care about morals. I don't care about whether people get hurt or whether they die. I just need to be entertained. If you become more and more irredeemable, then I'll only love you more~ I want to hear all about those terrible things you did with no justification. Arturo: For someone who's taking my side, you sure are making me look a lot worse!

I really love how a big part of the Vero-Hu recap foil so far can be reduced to the "I can fix them" vs "I can make him worse" meme :p There are their secrets as well, but that analysis will have to wait for further elaboration on them, presumably in CH3.

Meanwhile, Levi-Ace... will have to wait for the Levi section, because this is already getting quite long for Hu, and it requires a bit more context on his character.

Miscellaneous highlights!

Hu [2-14]: Hang on! Eden isn't the killer! Don't accuse her! Charles: Not this again. You can't keep blindly defending the people you hope to be innocent if you don't have evidence, Hu.

Hu: I do have evidence! Why are you writing me off? All because I-- ... *sigh* Rule 10...

Damn she really gets defensive when you question her reliability huh?

Well, moving on. That was a pretty long section, hopefully the next one will be easier to write.

...

Oh. Oh no.

David Chiem

YOU

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Genuinely what is this motherfucker's problem? Everything he does seems to contradict something he did before, for reasons unknown. The only way I can even begin to try to analyze this son of a bitch is to go through everything he does in the series in chronological order, because trying to figure out his thought process in any other way would drive me in circles harder than anything in LGI ever did.

The first thing David truly does that informs us on his later actions is forming a genuine and positive relationship with Xander. In case the LGI MV didn't make it clear that David genuinely cared about the Rebel, we finally got near 100% confirmation of why exactly David liked him so much.

David [2-12]: You, and everyone else listening. I do so kindly request that pretty please stop talking about Xander at all if you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. It pisses me off to no end. After all, it's still unbelievable to me... ...That I'm the only person here who remembered him. Even if you all lost a year of memories for this killing game, there's no reason you shouldn't have recognized who he was.

While we unfortunately don't get much more clarification, it seems David knew what Xander did to earn the title of Ultimate Rebel, and likely admired him as a result. As per Xander's numeral I in LGI, "I have always looked up to you."

This admiration is presumably why David was so adamant in the first trial that there was no way Xander really tried to murder Teruko.

David [Debate Scrum, 1-8]: Are you saying that Xander is a killer? I find that difficult to believe.

You might argue that maybe he was just trying to throw the first trial, the same way he tried to throw the second. But that's not possible.

This is where we get to Weird Point #1. David didn't want to lose the first trial.

Nico [1-11]: Ah, right. Min was going from the laundry room to the kitchen. That path crosses the computer lab. She would have seen Teruko's body if the door was open. Min: ... Ace: And why exactly would the fucking door be open? Nico: U-Um... David: I suppose Min may have arrived near the computer lab's entrance just as Charles left. If she was curious, she would have even gone out of her way to see what was happening in there.

If David was trying to throw, he wouldn't be the first to explain how it would be possible for Min to be involved in the murder. And this is only one example, there's other lines where he specifically suspects Min. Apparently, he simply cannot handle a bad bitch winning (committing murder and trying to sacrifice 14 lives for her own benefit).

However, something in David shifts upon seeing Min's execution.

David [1-12]: I... I've seen enough. There's no point in keeping my hopes up anymore. We are all certainly going to die here.

This line is said pretty somberly.

Which is weird. Because not four days later, David will be trying to throw a class trial, which will kill everyone and him. Interesting detail about that, David doesn't seem to believe that the blackened will escape if they actually voted wrong, based on this line.

David [2-12]: 15 lives. Some of them are very dear to you. And your own life as well. Is there anything at all that could be more important to you than those 16 human lives?

Where he seems to imply a wrongful vote will cause 16 deaths.

But the thing is, it's not just the trial, is it? David also tried to instigate a murder through his "reveal all motive secrets" idea. That's what he does during the majority of CH2, starting in 2-4, just two days after Min's execution. Now, it's fully possible that at this point, he wasn't yet planning to throw the next trial, but rather, he was just doing this to hide his own secret. He certainly considers losing his "speaker persona" a genuine sacrifice, so it isn't unbelievable that he'd hope for a murder even if he was planning to win the trial if it happened.

David [2-12]: Even so... Lying about all that wasn't easy. Even I like to have good relations with others, however fake they might be. And I had to throw that all away. I know that no one will ever trust me, believe in me, or look up to me again after this. But doing "good" things requires sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice is being seen as "a good person." That's what I learned from Xander. Even if doing something will make you hated, if that action is for a greater good, then it's an action that you have to take.

(By the way, his views of goodness as martyrdom are quite interesting and I'm curious to see where it will go, but currently we don't have much more than this line for insight on it)

However, I don't quite think that he just wanted to keep the others' goodwill; I think he was already hoping to throw from the moment he started instigating the murder. And this is where we need to ask; what was it that made David switch up? What happened between the first trial and the second that made his goals change from surviving to... whatever he's cooking now? Because in case it wasn't clear from how I'm talking about it, I don't believe David gave the real reason for his throwing to the class. Let's look at the "confession."

David [2-12]: Ugh, fucking fine. You want an answer so badly? Any answer? ... I...

Ah... We're... in a television show, after all. That's... what MonoTV said, right? "Entertainment" is an ongoing show. If Min successfully got away with the very first murder and escaped while we all died, then isn't that way less interesting for a TV show? What's the point of roping 14 other people into one murder, only to kill them all off immediately? The killer is supposed to fail and be executed. We're all supposed to catch the killer, again and again, and participate in trial after trial. You're *supposed* to try to survive. All of you who are trying to solve these class trials to continue living on are playing straight into MonoTV's hands. [Confident] As if I'll accept that. I don't care how low I'll sink, or how despicable I'll have to become. I'll do anything to carry on Xander's ideals by ending this killing game, even if it means that I have to dirty my hands.

Although I wrote it all out, I want you to focus on the start: ".... - I... - Ah... We're... in a television show, after all." Even beyond the meta argument that it's unlikely we'd actually get the answer to why Xander wanted to win the class trial this early in the series (which is a valid argument, but I prefer to theorize without meta reasoning), that hesitation should tell you everything. The way it's written, it makes it seem like David is hesitating because he's making everything up on the spot, up to the "Ah..." potentially being the exact moment David figured out what angle he wanted to take. Given he's already admitted to both being manipulative and wanting to get everyone killed, this is the only reason I can see for why he'd hesitate to give such a relatively simple and "reasonable" (as in, it logically follows even if it's still insane) answer.

So, now we have two questions. What does he actually want to achieve by throwing, and why did he only start pursuing it after the first trial ended?

Well, let me say first that I don't think we're supposed to be able to answer these questions yet. Obviously; we're dealing with shit very closely connected to some pretty large, overarching mysteries of the series, which we probably won't get full answers for until much later than CH2. But we can try to speculate the general direction of what the answer will be. Let's look at another one of his lines to try to do just that.

David [2-13]: Achoo! Ah--Bless me! Also, excuse me! Wow, thank you for your support, everyone!

(I only included that line because it's fucking hilarious and I didn't want that to go unappreciated :p)

I have another interruption~ Hu: ... David: Teruko. Own up your [sic] goddamn secret already. You are the last person to do so. [...] Teruko: ... My family. David: ...

So, just like everyone who is somewhat deep in the DRDT theorizing community, I don't think this is true. I am pretty sure David has Teruko's secret, that secret being "How could I even select what secret to be your motive? Just about everything you've done in your life is worth killing for. The killing game is all your fault." There's many reasons beyond the weird ass David sprite pictured above, which many have already covered, but as a quick overview: the family secret ("you're constantly blaming yourself for the death of your parents and siblings. It doesn't matter that it's not your fault, just that you didn't go with them") fits Xander better (see: Bonus Episode 2, Xander's secret quote being the definition of survivor's guilt), the family secret mentions "siblings" plural when Teruko's only claimed to have one brother, we don't know what happened to Teruko's parents and brother when we know Xander's family is dead, Teruko didn't believe David when he said he got Xander's secret so she probably suspects the killing game one is hers, "this killing game is all your fault" is consistent with the second anniversary art code ("It's all your fault" in a picture which only features Teruko reaching out to presumably-Mai's hands, which disappear), etc.

So now we have four questions, because evidently I'm quite bad at this. Apart from the two mentioned before, we need to ask why David lied about the secret he received, and why he was happy when Teruko answered with the family thing.

But sometimes, one question can answer others. The reason I'm bringing this up is because I believe David's heel turn was likely motivated in some way by receiving Teruko's secret. Take a look at his immediate reaction when the secrets are first handed out.

Pretty frowny, huh? Yeah understandable given the secret he received is "hey the killing game is all the girl that Xander tried to kill's fault." Unfortunately this is the only reaction David has to any of the secrets, as the rest of his dialogue after this is just explaining J's secret. Well, and this:

Eden [2-1]: Then let's end the killing game before [the motive secret reveal]! Nico: Eh?! David: Optimistic as ever, Eden. I'll do my best.

Which is kinda funny in retrospect. Yeah, he sure did do his best to end the killing game before the secret reveals.

Tangent aside, the important thing is that David wasn't necessarily surprised by Teruko's secret, but rather, uh... Well it's hard to read him on expression alone. Frustrated, maybe? Possibly mad that Xander didn't succeed in killing her? It's also worth noting that this is shortly before Teruko goes into her whole "I don't plan on leaving" shtick, which includes the following tidbit (and yes David is in the room to hear this).

Teruko [2-1]: And I'd recommend that you drop that foolish optimism for making it out of here alive. With 100% confidence, I can say that... You will all die down here without ever seeing the outside world again. Ace: This bitch is totally out of her mind. Teruko: I'm not saying this out of ill-will. It's simply how this story works. You all have the misfortune of being "characters" in a story where I'm the "protagonist." Because of that, you're all doomed.

What's so important about this? Because I believe that, in David's mind, this proves Xander right. It proves that there is something off about Teruko, that he probably did have a good reason to attack her, that the note he received wasn't complete bullshit. If there is any single thing that would get David to follow Xander's footsteps, regardless of whether he has the full story or he's just doing what Xander was trying to do even without knowing the reasons the Rebel made the moves he made, it would be getting confirmation that the person he tried to kill specifically has something suspicious going on.

Especially because David does, in fact, seem to have a very weird fixation on Teruko.

David [2-14]: As long as there's a possibility that the evidence is false, as long as there's even the slightest reason to distrust others, then Teruko cannot trust Eden. Isn't that right, Teruko? Teruko: ... David: It's in your nature to distrust people. Everyone you know has already betrayed you. There's no one in this world who won't hurt you. Even the people you love will turn their backs on you in the end. You know that well enough, don't you? So distrust in others. Because that's the only way you know how to live. Teruko: ...

(Obligatory props to VAing ofc)

... Alright so it's five questions. Because how does he know all that?

Let me knock that one out quickly, though. Right now, I don't think this is solid enough reason to suspect that David knows more about Teruko than he's letting on. I could be wrong about that and David could just be aware of her entire backstory, but I currently don't believe that.

Instead, I think this might actually be an extension of his talent, in a way. The joke that he gave Teruko a "demotivational speech" is funny, but I also think it's actually on the right track. David knows the right things to say to someone to inspire them, to push back against their insecurities, as he did with Arei in the playground breakdown. Thus, it logically follows that if he's able to identify emotional weakness to push against it, he would also be able to exploit it.

Or, try, at least. He actually fails pretty spectacularly, since Teruko ends up trusting Eden anyways, and I don't think there were any reverse psychology 5D chess moves on David's part given his immediate reaction to Teruko's 2-14 speech to Eden.

Like, that's the face of a man who tried to be slick and failed miserably.

(And in case it isn't clear, I don't think his lie of seeing the body had anything to do with the trial, he did it just to fuck with Teruko)

In any case, what happened here is that he figured out the (relatively obvious, it doesn't take an Ultimate to see this) trust issues that plague Teruko, and is trying to make them worse in order to... uh... fill in the blank I guess. One option I've considered is that he knows something about how her luck works, that it hurts people she likes, so if she doesn't trust anyone then her luck's effects will be concentrated entirely on Teruko. However, that requires a pretty deep understanding of something he shouldn't have that much info on, so I don't find it that likely. Also I'm not 100% sure if this is how her luck actually works so there's that.

Yeah, unfortunately, at this point I struggle to see exactly what David's angle is here, which is probably intentional given, again, CH2. However, it does somewhat tie back into what we were talking about. Along with everything else I've mentioned, this fixation on Teruko's trust makes me believe that David's heel turn is at least partially motivated by receiving her secret.

And if we once again combine questions 3, 4 and 5, we can actually arrive at a new conclusion. We know David's hiding Teruko's secret, we know he's happy that she's not calling him out on it, and we know that he has a vested interest in getting her to distrust others. With all these combined, I believe that David is trying to look for a way to manipulate Teruko specifically as a backup plan if the cast managed to win the trial, which they did.

By getting her to distrust others, she'd isolate, making her an easier target for manipulation as she wouldn't have anyone to fall back on if David starts getting to her. And the secret is good blackmail, pretty straightforward why he he hasn't revealed it yet. That's also why he's happy she helped him keep it hidden; he can pull it as a card to make her seem less trustworthy and isolate her further. "She lied about her secret, she was trying to hide it." If she had been honest and said that neither the family nor the poison secret fit her and that someone lied about their secret, it would make her look comparatively better once the secret came out. In other words, it makes the blackmail even better, especially because now David knows for a fact that she wants to keep it hidden.

That brings up to question 6: why does David want to manipulate Teruko in the first place? And this is where we finally reach a dead end, because again, CH2, we're not gonna get all the answers yet. I have less than zero idea what David will try to manipulate Teruko into doing, when he will make his move, what his end goal is, or any other question you can imagine. I have my doubts that he'll succeed, obviously, but of course that depends a lot on what his final angle ends up being.

So, let's recap.

David knew of Xander before the killing game, admiring him because of his work as the Ultimate Rebel. As a result, David tried to establish a good relationship with Xander once the killing game started.

David originally rejected the idea of Xander attacking Teruko out of denial and nothing else. He had genuine faith his friend wouldn't do that. David wanted to catch the correct blackened in the first trial.

Upon receiving Teruko's secret and hearing her speech about everyone dying as a result of misfortune, David begins to believe Xander was in the right, and chooses to pursue what he thinks Xander was trying to accomplish. This includes trying to instigate a murder and admitting to killing Arei.

David lied about his motivation to throw the trial. I don't know if he's specifically trying to kill Teruko, or if he thinks everyone in the cast needs to die for some reason, or if he genuinely has no idea what Xander was trying to do and he's just following his actions blindly, or if it's something else entirely; whatever motivation he actually has, it's not what he said.

As a backup plan if the cast manages to win the trial, he hides Teruko's secret and plans to manipulate her via blackmail, for reasons yet unknown. This is why he's happy that she also keeps it hidden, and why he tries to build her distrust in others.

And that's the basics of what I believe regarding his actions... related to throwing the trial and Teruko. We still have one more David Moment TM to deal with.

David [about the Arei conversation, 2-13]: ... Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn't say anything to her, and she didn't have much to say to me either. Arei simply got annoyed with me and left without saying anything else. Nothing else happened between us, I promise. Eden: You promise? You absolutely promise, you didn't say anything to her? David: One hundred and one percent, I promise. Ace overheard everything, and what he told you all was the entire truth. Does that satisfy you? Eden: ... That's... a relief. That you didn't make her feel bad, I guess.

So, question 7, why does he hide the truth from Eden? I doubt he suddenly gained an interest in progressing the trial without further interruption. He's also not doing this for Eden's sake; what Eden wanted to hear was that Arei walked out of that conversation still hoping to change for the better, which she did. Hearing that Arei still wanted to "be less shitty together" even after knowing David's a manipulative asshole would have made Eden very happy.

But David doesn't want to hurt Eden, either. If he did, he'd lie and tell Eden that he said something that made Arei run out crying and having lost all hope, or something. I also can't really think of anyone else who would have much of a reaction either way, since as bad as it sounds to say it, Eden's more or less the only person who was genuinely invested in Arei's progress. Maybe "the blackened," but if David doesn't know who the blackened is, there's no way he'd know how they'd react, so it's likely not because of that.

So, if David doesn't hide the truth for the sake of the trial, and he doesn't lie because of Eden, and he doesn't lie because of anyone else, then he's lying for his own sake. I believe that David is trying to hide how much he genuinely cared about Arei, and probably doesn't trust himself to be able to tell the story without giving the game away.

And to be clear, he did genuinely care about Arei. If his immediate reaction to her death doesn't convince you, his breakdown after hearing the Arturo-Eden-Arei story should.

David [2-8]: Of course. Of course this would happen.

David [2-10]: If Eden and Arei really had that conversation, then it explains a lot. I had my doubts. A clearly suspicious note, asking her to meet alone and with no explanation as to why. During a *killing game* of all times. What kind of person would fall for such an obvious trap? You'd have to be shortsighted, naive, foolish, senseless, downright idiotic. ... Unless, of course, you were Arei. That girl wanted desperately to prove herself as a "friend" to Eden. And yet she completely lacked any experience with what "friends" were actually like. Of course it never occurred to her that handing out suspicious notes was not something that normal people did. What could she know about "friendship," after all? Someone like her, who had not once experienced kindness in her entire life up until now? Even if she had her misgivings about something so suspicious, she must have pushed it aside due to her unwavering faith in her blossoming friendship. A friendship that she didn't understand in the slightest. It's... It's so... Ahaha. It's just so foolish. For someone to take advantage of Arei like that. It's absolutely unforgivable. All she wanted was to change. What a reprehensible person this killer is. I look forward to seeing their painful execution.

(Do you think all this talk about "suspicious notes" is making him think of Xander with the suspicious note he received? Don't know, maybe :p)

Between David hiding the end of the conversation and the whole "Arei was a temporary weather spell" line, it seems he's really committing to the role of someone who doesn't care about Arei.

There are many reasons he could be doing this, but I believe he's just pulling a Teruko: Showing no vulnerability, because if he did, then maybe people would actually try to reach out to him. And then they'd get hurt like Xander and Arei; quote one of the Hamlet quotes in LGI (one of the eight lol): "I did love you once. You shouldn't have believed me." And/or David would need to confront how awful he is to try to change and better these new relationships.

Because it's a lot easier to be an irredeemable asshole who will never get better, than to confront the reality that he can, just that it's hard. Cue parallels with Arei and Teruko and Ace and you get the idea.

Final note, completely unrelated.

Whit [2-12]: Hey, hey, you could say those fish were a... red herring? David: Ugh! Goddamn it, Whit, does everything you say have to be made into some shitty dumb joke?! You're actually really fucking annoying! Shut the fuck up!!

Question 8: Why is David so pressed about Whit's jokes? At the moment, my only guess is that Whit's attitude of always remaining positive enough to crack jokes reminds David a bit too much of his "cheery" persona, which also is supposed to always remain optimistic in the face of adversity, and David either hates that because he hates himself, or because he's envious that Whit can hold that optimism without trouble (as far as David can see). I lean on it being a combination, where he does hate his "cheery" persona, but also wishes he could genuinely be like that, but it's very hard to tell atm.

Alright that took way too long. Can't wait for this all to be proven horribly wrong the next time we get any solid info on David!!!

Levi Fontana

Hey Levi sorry for calling you an accomplice for like a year are we still cool? :,D

Although Levi had a lower amount of Big Moments than David, I consider them more impactful to the chapter. And when you're talking Levi, you're talking 2-13 and 2-16. Let's start with the former.

Levi [2-13]: The secret that Arei received, "You're a murderer, and you hold no remorse...." That's my secret. [Cast reactions] If you were wondering, it's not in my legal records. The court struck it from the records. Ace: No shit! There's no way Hope's Peak would have scouted a murderer! Levi: Don't make the mistake of switching cause and effect.

Let's take our time with this one, it's a long speech. First, nice to see we called this secret, it's nice. Also, I'm not the first to point this out, but it's a neat bit of characterization for Levi to first talk about the legal side of his secret instead of anything more related to emotions; he only really cares about the effects things have in the present (that'll become explicit in a bit), so the first concern he thinks of are the legal repercussions.

Then, Hope's Peak... Hope's Peak why are you this shady. Between Rose's situation, the Ultimate Contest for Eminent Students, and now this, it's now three times they've specifically targeted people in vulnerable positions. Four if you count Teruko, but that would imply they rigged the lottery for the Lucky Student, which I would believe but we currently don't have evidence for. No wonder Xander has issues with them, they're cooking something weird.

Rose [1-4]: I'm sure Hope's Peak wants me to become some sort of appraiser or forgery detective with the skills that I have. Taking some offending youth and turning them into a productive member of society would be a pretty good look for them.

Unnamed Classmate [BE1]: Why would Hope's Peak announce [the UCES] 12 years before it would actually take place, when all the would-be contestants are just children? Min: Because they wanted the contest to hang over the heads of kids like me for 12 years, from childhood all the way into high school. They wanted to single out those who were obsessive enough to spend their entire lives preparing for this one test from childhood.

Unnamed Classmate [BE2]: If you set out to do something, then never give up on that, no matter what obstacles may stand in your way. Even if it's risky or against the rules, as long as it's for a good cause... I'll trust that you know to do the right thing. Xander: Yeah. Of course. That's why I've come to Hope's Peak, isn't it?

We currently have no clue where this is going, but I'm noting it for further reference. Let's pick off from where we left.

Charles [continued]: Care to explain yourself? Levi: At the time, I was confronted by three guys who tried to start a fight with me. I believe they were some old enemies. I killed their leader first, which may have been justifiable as self-defense, but then I tracked down his two remaining friends several days later and beat them to death. J: "Old enemies?" "Leader"?? Were you in the freakin' mafia or something? Levi: No. J: ... Levi: ... J: Are you not going to elaborate?? Levi: I don't particularly think I need to elaborate. After all, that happened in the past and has nothing to do with Arei.

One question this speech leaves us with is "why did Levi track down the other two after killing the leader?" We don't have enough info to tell for sure, but I assume it's a matter of safety? Like, Levi thought those two would try to attack him again if he left them alone, so he needed to make sure that didn't happen. I think that makes enough sense for me not to lose sleep at night over it, but of course I'm open to being wrong.

Also, this is the point where Levi's pure pragmatism becomes apparent. "It's not important right now, so why would I elaborate?" A philosophy which is born from his lack of empathy which will be discussed later. This pragmatism is probably why he's the one to argue that Eden was in an advantageous position to kill Arei; the logistics of murder come before emotional aspects in his mind, which is understandable.

Eden [continued]: Who... Who did you even kill? Levi: They were three guys... a few years older than me... Uh... I don't remember their names or who they were.

Do we think Levi knew their names at one point and forgot, or did he somehow track down two people without learning their names? I find the former more likely, just wanted to point that out.

Levi [continued]: I was a bit of a delinquent when I was younger, so they could have held a grudge against me for any reason. Maybe I smashed their windows and robbed them? Or, wait, maybe something to do with that car I blew up once? Rose: That's... kind of a lot to admit all of a sudden.

One thing I always enjoy is when the character who reacts to cut off a monologue has some kind of connection to the thing being discussed. Like, of course Rose is surprised at everything Levi is saying. She's out here being haunted by the crimes she committed, to the point where the debt she put her family in is her motive secret, and then this other guy has broken All the Laws and is just admitting it openly lol.

Levi [continued]: I've forgotten most of the details, as I haven't though much about it since I was cleared of my charges. Sorry, I can't really remember why that happened. Arturo: How could you forget something so important? You can't even be bothered to remember their names? Did you not care that you killed three people?

Speaking of matching reactions to character, Arturo "I feel unending guilt over the death of my sister who I did not even directly kill" Giles cannot conceive how someone else isn't haunted by the lives he took, more recap foiling at eleven.

Veronika [continued]: You say that your backstory and secret aren't relevant to this trial, but they are. That second part of your secret, that you "felt no remorse" for killing people... If you don't care about murder, then you'd have a much easier time killing than anyone else here. You may even be unbothered by the fact that passing the trial would mean everyone else's execution. After all, you seem completely detached while admitting not only to murdering 3 people, but to several other crimes as well. Almost as if you didn't care about any of this. At least not from a moral standpoint, that is. Levi: I won't deny it. That is indeed how I feel. Ace: You are one sick bastard. What could you possibly say in your defense.

This is the first big hint of Levi's low to non-existent empathy, but I'll wait until it's fully elaborated on to discuss it in depth. Also this hints to Ace business that will be discussed in his section. Why am I even writing here.

Levi [continued]: That incident happened when I was in my junior year of high school. My junior year was also the year that Hope's Peak scouted me as the Ultimate Personal Stylist. To my understanding, it would have reflected poorly on Hope's Peak to recruit a murderer, so they pressured the court into not pressing charges.

I do wonder now why Levi even started styling in the first place. By his own admission he's pretty new to it, though he's got at least a year or two of experience if he was scouted in junior year (I think? USA why can't you fucking number your grades like sensible people I don't know what "junior" means without firefoxing that shit). Maybe a job he picked up after disownment? Though that heavily depends on when and why he got disowned in the first place; was it because of his father's murder, the murder of the three dudes and the court case just took a while, or was it something else? Questions to mull over, but can't answer without further info.

Levi [continued]: Err... Hang on. Now that I've thought about it a little more, my motive secret may not be referring to those guys. It could also be referring to the time I murdered my father. J: Wait, you-- YOU WHAT?! Levi: It's quite difficult yo tell what these motive secrets truly mean because they're all phrased so vaguely... It's a bit of a bother. J: No, fuck that noise! Go back! The hell you mean, you fucking killed your dad? Levi: Correct. I simply forgot about it up until now. That would make four people in total that I've killed, not three, I think...? Arturo: How could you simply *forget* that you murdered your own family member? Nico: If you said you killed him because you just didn't like him, I could understand that. But you're saying you forgot about taking a life... Levi: It wasn't that important. Not even the police cared about a man like him, so nothing came out of it. I truly just forgot.

(why is everyone blue you're fucking up my color schemes-)

Back to the whole "appropriate reactors" thing, while I've already mentioned the Nico thing, I think it's cool J (the anti-murder spokesperson with a bad relationship with her mother) specifically says 'dad,' while Arturo generalizes to 'family member.' Someone's being reminded of his past~

I find this admission pretty funny for a few reasons, and very interesting for many others. Funny because my guy is complaining about the vagueness of the motives while admitting he killed his dad and not elaborating in the slightest. Interesting because... why did that happen? Levi doesn't respond to Nico's comment, so it seems like he didn't particularly dislike his father or anything? Especially in the context of the way he's talked about his family in the past.

Levi [responding to Eden, 2-1]: No, not at all. It's for the best that neither I nor my family see each other ever again. Eden: Eh? If you don't mind me asking, why? Levi: Why? My father, my mother, my brothers... We were all bad influences on each other. That's all that needs to be said.

I mean, Levi's father probably wasn't a shining beacon of hope or anything, given the police didn't even investigate his death, but like... lumping him in with the mother and the brothers, and just saying they were "bad influences" instead of, like, genuinely shitty people, it all makes it sound like there's no specific grudge against the father. Which makes sense, right? Even his father would feel like a stranger, as Levi will describe later. I really wish we get some elaboration on this, because I'm pretty curious about what kind of situation would lead Levi to this. I did try to check what's caused Levi to snap before, see if I could figure out what could have prompted it:

Ace [1-9]: What's the damn point of this whole trial if we're going to make choices based on dumb crap like that?? You useless shit-for-brains! Are you even taking any of this seriously?! Whit: Huh? Am I taking this seriously? Nah, not really. Ace: YOU--! Levi: Ace, calm down. You are not helping at all with this argument-- Ace: You shut your damn trap too, Levi!! I'm done with you trying to play the moral high ground by pretending to be some peacemaker! "Oh dear, oh my, calm down, everyone. Let's not fight, alright? Aren't I such a level-minded pacifist?" Stay the hell out of this if you know what's good for you. Levi: ... Ace: That's right. Shut your damn mouth, you coward-- Levi: Fuck. Off. Ace. How far do you want to push it? Do you think that I don't have a limit to my patience? I would gladly strangle you right here and now to shut you up if I were allowed. But if you're the coward I know you to be, then you should back up before you dig your own grave. So shut. Your mouth. Before I shut it for you.

Uh... Personal attacks against Levi? Yeah I have no idea what the hell his father could have done to prompt the murder. As usual, we're missing too much critical information to make a call on it. I'm gonna wager a guess that Levi didn't plan the murder, but rather it was an in the moment decision, but again I have no actual way to be sure.

Levi [continued]: Frankly speaking, I see no reason to remain hung up over some incident that is long past, especially as it ultimately had no impact on my life. Eden: You forgot about all of the things you did simply because you didn't face any consequences? That's incredibly selfish! Shouldn't you feel even a little bit bad? Those were human lives you took! I don't know what happened within your own family, so I can't pretend to understand why you killed. But even then, I'm sure those other people had families and friends who cried over their deaths!

Again the responders; remember how Eden feels guilty over both Min and Arei's death even though she never "faced any consequences" for them (mainly because she didn't actually do anything wrong but you get the idea)? Yeah that.

Levi [continued]: *sigh* I wonder if I should really tell you the truth, or if it's best to keep it to myself. I don't know how you all will see me after this. Teruko: You've already admitted to murdering 4 people. If you insist on not being completely honest with a secret this bad, then you're going to be the next one on the chopping block. Out with it.

Considering the stuff he says later, it's interesting to me that Levi seems to be more worried about revealing his lack of empathy than admitting to murder, especially with the knowledge that he's only doing this because he thinks being honest will make him "a good person."

However, I think it makes sense. Amongst the cast, there's already several people who either killed or tried to: Xander, Min, and Nico. But a lot of the others still speak of them in good terms; David talked about how good of a person Xander was for several minutes, Eden has made it clear she still misses Min, and Hu still defends Nico. Not to mention that Levi himself already threatened to kill Ace, and got called "a good person" by Eden just a few hours later. That means that, although admitting to murder will probably make the others more wary of him, there's precedent that Levi will still have people who stick by him after all's said and done.

Meanwhile, as far as Levi can tell, he's the only one who doesn't understand empathy in the slightest. And that means he has no way of telling how the others will feel about him if he reveals it, which is why he's more nervous about it than the murders. It plays on the themes of feeling disconnected from the rest of humanity that characters like Nico (via gender identity) and David-

Tally 5 Page: "... I wasn't capable of ever becoming human in the first place."

-have going on, which is definitely something that's cool to mull over. I hope these three get some kind of interaction about this in the future.

By the way, as always I'm just kinda guessing why Levi does the things he does and says the things he says, I could always be wrong.

Levi [continued]: It's not really that I don't care about killing people. Rather, it's more accurate to say that I don't care about people at all. No matter how much I hear about such things like empathy or compassion or love, none of those concepts resonate with me. Are those emotions really universal? The idea that people naturally "care" about others is a completely foreign concept to me. Nico: Eh? What are you saying? Levi: Judging by your reaction, I suppose that's a bad thing. But I wouldn't understand why. On the other side of this planet, there's a person who's suffering. Maybe they're even drawing their last breath. But none of you care, do you? Why would you? They're a stranger, after all. You don't know them. Their life holds no consequence for you. For me, everyone I've ever known is that distant stranger. It doesn't matter how long I've known you, how much we've done for each other, or even if you were my own father... You're still a stranger to me. And if tomorrow it turned out you all had passed away, I'd care as much as if we had never met.

So here's the big reveal, bolded text and all. Levi has extremely low empathy. I'm not gonna try to assign any specific disorder because I'd have no idea what I'd be talking about, but the empathy thing is pretty clear. I'm also no authority on whether this would be good representation for that or not, but for what it's worth, I think it's done pretty well. Levi's perspective is presented neutrally, in a way that shows his lack of empathy doesn't inherently make him a bad person, but not shying away from some of the real effects that can come from it (combined with other factors of course), such as the whole 4 murders situation.

I also like the way Levi describes it. It does a good job of getting the audience to understand his feelings, while still holding quite a bit of characterization in there. For example, the reason he gives for why the cast wouldn't care about the stranger on the other side of the world is because "their life holds no consequence to you." Even when trying to speak from the others' perspective, his understanding of why someone would care about someone else is still shaped entirely by what tangible effect that person has in the other's life, in a way sorting people by "holds consequence/holds no consequence."

Eden [continued]: But you're a good person. Why are you saying these things when it's clearly not true? You're so kind to everyone. You're always helping others out, even when it'd be easier not to. Like that time Ace almost died. You kept trying to help him, even if he always pushed you away. Isn't that what "a good person" does? Levi: In all honesty... I don't personally care what happens to Ace. Whether he lives or dies is none of my concern in the end. Ace: ...?! Levi: But it is a "good" thing to make sure someone else doesn't die, even if I personally do not care about the outcome. I truly believe that. But I adhere to that principle out of duty, not sentimentality. Does that make any sense?

So I'm gonna do a funny here and skip Ace's reaction to this, because that's more for the Ace section than this one. I also already talked about Eden's reaction to this.

Instead, I'll focus on Levi, particularly the question of "does Levi actually care about Ace?" To answer that, it'll be helpful to get the full Veronika Breakdown TM.

Veronika [continued]: Hm hm... I understand now. You're quite the interesting person, Levi. From what I've seen of you so far, your personality has been awfully inconsistent. It's like you don't know how to act. Trying to act like "a good person" without any intuitive sense of what's good or bad is hard, right? For someone like you, who lacks compassion, it must be quite difficult to pretend to be nice. You're always guessing as to what a normal human would do in your situation. You're so awkward in social settings because you can't tell what other people want. You act like a big pushover because if you go the other direction and stand up for yourself, you won't know where to stop. You offer to do things for others because you've observed that "good people" help others, and you parrot noble assurances without understanding why. Such things like that. Not only are you trying to act without a script, but you don't even understand the story. And you slip up constantly. Levi: You explained it better than I could. You really have an intuitive understanding of other people, Veronika. That's a trait I envy. The way I see it, it would be beneficial if I was "a good person." Then other people would trust me and not pick fights with me anymore, and they'd do things for me because they "liked" me. If I was a good person, then I wouldn't have to live a life full of violence anymore. I did everything so that I could have a better life.

Okay hold on there's a bunch to talk about here. Let me do that before circling back to the Ace Question.

Veronika is thankfully good enough at describing the stuff she said that I don't feel the need to elaborate on that. It's basically just a perfect read of Levi's actions so far under this new frame of someone who lacks empathy yet still is a good person. His awkwardness, his outbursts towards Ace, him being sort of a pushover, everything. I also like the little comment of Levi envying Vero's understanding of people, it's neat characterization.

Aside from that, there's also cool contrast between the way Levi sees being a good person as a sort of purely pragmatic social contract (being good leads to a peaceful life and ensures others help you) and Eden, which as referenced earlier sees friendship in a purely emotional and non-transactional way. Not exactly fully comparable, but close enough, and still worth mentioning given the chapter starts with a conversation between the two of them about how they're good people. Both of these have their merit, the point is that, in the end, no matter the reason you have for doing good things, regardless if it's out of sentimentality or just duty, doing good is enough to be a good person. While still of course keeping in mind Arei's message that no one is effortlessly good 100% of the time, and simply trying to be as good as you can be and improve on your flaws is enough.

Also, "I did everything so I could have a better life," huh?

Arturo [referring to Felicity's suicide, 2-10]: How is it possibly my fault that I wanted to live my own life!?

Get paralleled, idiot >:D

Wanting better things for yourself can end up having good effects on others (Levi being good to the cast), or negative (Felicity dying), fun contrast.

But I'm beating around the bush. The question I asked earlier, does Levi actually care about Ace?

Well, there's definitely room for interpretation, but my read is... well, not in the usual way. I mean, Levi explicitly says he doesn't particularly care if Ace lives or dies, so that's kind of a giveaway that he still very much does not feel empathy towards him. To better understand Levi's perspective, it might be helpful to analyze the previously mentioned Hu-Nico and Levi-Ace parallels.

Fandom has long since grouped together Hu and Levi as the "parental figures" of the group, and while I don't particularly enjoy applying familial relations to friendships, there's some basis for the interpretation. They both (to varying effect) commonly act as peacemakers and moderators in the context of the group, but have had this position compromised by emotional outbursts (Hu's defense of Nico and Levi's threats to Ace). Hell, there's even parallels in the way people react to some of these outbursts.

Levi [after the previously linked outburst, 1-9]: I'm terribly sorry for that, everyone. Please continue discussing as you were earlier. Ace: So scary!!

Rose [reacting to Hu's "fuck David" outburst, 2-12]: Wow. Hu can be scary.

To be fair the 2-12 outburst is far more justified than a lot of Hu's others, but you get the point.

They both act this way for similar reasons; to control the cast's perception of them. Hu wishes to be seen as reliable in order to feel useful as a way to counteract her suicidal tendencies and self-loathing, while Levi wishes to be seen as a good person for the reasons he states (to live a peaceful life where others do things for him). And in order to do this, they've both chosen to focus on one person in particular to "protect" or help in some way; Nico for Hu, Ace for Levi. The reasons for this are different mind you, but the effect is similar enough.

However, while it's still unclear why exactly Hu is so adamant about Nico in particular, we kind of know why Levi is focused on Ace. Simply put, before the second trial, Ace was sort of the only person who had legitimate reasons to dislike Levi, at least in Levi's mind. Because of the death threat in trial one of course. Most people haven't really expressed an opinion on Levi either way, but they're civil and at least neutral towards him. Hell, Eden even specifically says Levi's a good person after the death threat, and since she's a pretty rational person, it follows most of the cast would see him that way as well, given how quickly they all moved on from the death threat.

Ace was the exception, however. Ace was very explicitly (and understandably) pissed at Levi for the death threat, so he stood as somewhat of a threat to Levi's goal of being seen as a "good person." Levi trying to fix things with Ace is an extension of this goal, and I don't think there's much else to it. Even to the very end, Levi's frustration at Ace doesn't come from a sense of betrayal or sadness or remorse for not being able to stop the murder, or anything like that. Levi only gets frustrated at his inability to understand Ace, which we already knew from his envy of Veronika's psychoanalysis abilities is a point of insecurity for him.

Ace [2-16]: I just needed a reason to stay mad at you, any reason at all, goddamnit! [sic] Levi: Why? Why do you have to force yourself to be angry at me? You just said you know that you're in the wrong, so why do you still do it?! I don't understand. I can't understand you, no matter how hard I try.

Levi, under this reading, still doesn't "care" that Ace is about to die, not in the way Eden felt bad about Min's death for example. He's frustrated that he's trying to be a good person towards Ace, and it isn't working for reasons he can't grasp. More on those reasons in the Ace section.

I am very curious as to how he'll react to Ace wanting to speed up his execution to try and save his life, and I predict Levi will probably try his best to honor Ace's memory and his sacrifice, but as always, out of duty and not sentimentality. Sorry Acevi fans, hope you still find a way to make it work :/

Since we're on the topic (and Ace's section is gonna be long enough as is), I'll talk about the other side of the Hu-Nico and Levi-Ace parallels, the way the "protected" act in respects to the "protectors." The main point of contrast is that, originally, Ace specifically sought out Levi for protection, while Nico never asked Hu for it.

Teruko [1-2]: Since when were you two so friendly? I distinctly recall yesterday a certain someone being terrified whenever Levi came near him. Ace: Whaaaat? Me, scared? Are you just making things up? Teruko: ... Ace: Okay, fine. Yeah, Levi's scary as hell! But I realized that MonoTV is even scarier than Levi! At least Levi is sorta safe to be around. And I like to be safe, you know?

Nico [to Hu, 2-14]: I never asked you to defend me--

Then comes the aspect of "betrayal" in both these relationships, where the roles are flipped. It's Levi who originally "betrays" Ace by threatening him, while it's Nico who "betrays" Hu by trying to frame her with the wire. However, Ace takes this betrayal much more personally than Hu, getting mad at Levi while Hu continues to defend Nico. As a result, Ace gets a bit of a victim complex, while Nico fully acknowledges blame for the murder attempt. Etc.

Okay time to continue with 2-13 because no we're not done with it.

Levi [continued]: After listening to David, I concluded that a good person would also be honest, even if the truth makes them look bad. Ace: You're taking advice from David of all people? Look at this asshole! David: Try looking in a mirror before you talk, Ace. Levi: I thought David was a prime example of a good person. Is he not? David: Wow, you really don't understand people at all, do you. Levi: I don't want to distract you all from this case any further. So, I apologize for this tangent.

Another really cool bit of characterization here. Levi struggles so much with understanding most people's sense of morality that he still thinks David "I actively tried to kill everyone here by pretending to be the blackened" Chiem is a good person. There's also the quick implication that David doesn't see himself as a good person, but I feel we're well past the point where that's news.

We also get the reason why Levi even said all this; he thinks being honest will help him be a good person, and presumably only brought it up after the whole David thing got resolved because "good person" David was (eventually) honest with both his motive secret and the reason he tried to get voted out. Or, rather, Levi thinks David was honest on the latter. Fair ig.

Levi has a few other lines in this part, but the next most striking thing to talk about is, fittingly, not a set of words, but an image.

Levi's protective streak has always been a big part of his character, and now he's literally taken a bullet (or 5) for Teruko. Just for the record, I imagine he'll survive, because there'd be no real point to most of the end of 2-16 if he didn't.

The big question around this is, naturally, why did Levi jump in? Obviously, it's not that he particularly cares if Teruko lives or dies, not from an emotional standpoint anyways. It could also just be Teruko's luck somehow manipulating him the way it seems to have influenced Min somewhat, but I can't see that as the only reason this happened. So, like most people, I believe he feels he owes Teruko.

Teruko [1-2]: No... I should be the one apologizing. It's my fault you got hurt. Levi: What do you mean? Without your warning, I could have gotten fatally injured. I should thank you that my wound is not more severe.

Teruko warning him in the prologue is the most obvious case where Teruko saved Levi, especially since it parallels this scene. Teruko saves Levi from execution, so he returns the favor. However, we also need to keep in mind that, without Teruko carrying, these people would not have made it through the trials, so Levi might feel he owes her for that too. And "good people" repay their debts, don't they?

Very interested in seeing where Levi's character goes from here!

Teruko Tawaki

You know a series is doing something right when the protag has so much shit going on in a trial where she didn't even have strong relationships with either the victim or the killer. Now, a big chunk of her screen time was devoted to crime solving, so her section might end up smaller than Levi's even though I consider her more important, but the order of this analysis is kinda all over the place anyways :v

I'll go in the order of Teruko moments as they appeared, though I'll skip the whole "fix my mistake" thing since I already mentioned it in the Min section.

David [2-12]: Xander is a good person. He's the only good person I've ever known. I swear, I'll follow in his footsteps and-- Teruko: And get everyone killed in the class trial? Xander is a good person? Are you hearing yourself right now? What virtuous reason could he possibly have for trying to kill me and everyone else here? David: I'm sure he had a good reason. I believe that he did. Xander is not the kind of person to do anything for frivolous purposes. Teruko: You *believe* that he had a good reason!? Hah! Based on what? The 3 days you spent with a fan who was too infatuated with the ideal of you to treat you like an actual human-- David: SHUT UP!

She says all this like she wasn't play-acting her Xanruko fix-it AU with cacti, like, two days ago lol.

Teruko Cactus [2-3]: That's right. Give up now, and surrender. Then I'll consider letting you live. Xander Plant: Teruko... I've changed my mind. I promise, I will turn my back on whoever made me do this and stay by your side from now on. Do you forgive me?

I don't actually have much to say about this. Teruko's complicated feelings about Xander aren't exactly news; genuinely angry at him for attempting to murder her, also genuinely upset that things didn't go better. No wonder David's uncritical view of the guy ticked her off.

2-13 had a lot of murder solving from Teruko, which is cool but not crucial for character analysis. Meanwhile, 2-14 had quite a bit more going on.

Rose [2-14]: I... I'm sorry for being useless. Maybe if I tried harder, if I just got over myself-- Teruko: Rose. Don't blame yourself anymore. You are helpful. It's because of you that I can solve this murder. Besides... I'm as much to blame as you. Maybe more, even. If only I listened to you when you said the tape was missing, then maybe I would have realized the truth of this case much earlier. Once again, I've made a stupid mistake. I simply wanted to believe that I could make it through this killing game without relying on anyone else. That I could be dismissive of everyone around me without consequences. So I refused to listen to anyone other than myself. I thought that if I did that, then I could avoid a repeat of the last trial, where I had made the mistake of trusting people too much. But now I'm making different mistakes instead. Again and again, I keep messing up this class trial with hasty assumptions and overlooked evidence. So... Rose: ... Teruko: ... Thank you, Rose.

Yuri stays winning.

Again, it's hard for me to add any commentary when Teruko's just... explaining all the themes out loud. We go back to the idea of Teruko fixing mistakes that she seems to have taken to heart from Min's CH1 breakdown (YURI STAYS WINNING), which ties into the idea of self-betterment that Arei's scene conveyed; and we basically have Teruko stating a reworded version of her secret quote, "It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all." It makes me wonder how Teruko will behave moving forward. Will she trust a few select people? Will she continue to keep other's at arm's length, but being slightly more open? Well, based on what she does with Eden, it seems Teruko is willing to trust select people until the situation merits distrust, which is a pretty solid way of looking at things.

Speaking of that.

Eden [2-14]: I just wanted to help Arei... I didn't kill her... Teruko: You know I can't just take your words at face value, Eden. Eden: Please, Teruko... You're my friend, aren't you? Friends help each other... So please, help me... [...] Teruko: Eden. Eden: *sniffing* Teruko: Eden. Pick up your head. Look at me. At this point in the trial, since I've narrowed Arei's killer down to just two suspects, I'm going to pursue each suspect individually under the assumption that they're the killer. That way, I can see if any evidence matches up to them only. [...] So for now, I'm going to assume you're innocent. Eden: W-What? Really? Thank you so much, Teruko... Teruko: Don't... get me wrong. This isn't out of kindness or pity or anything else. This is only because you helped me in the last trial. I'm repaying your favor, and nothing else. That's why I'll trust you, just this once. Eden: Teruko... T... Thank you, Teruko... Teruko: ... Let go of me.

YURI STAYS WINNING!!!

That's what I was talking about. Choosing to trust Eden over Ace, but being willing to turn suspicion on the Clockmaker if Ace turns out innocent. A very reasonable approach! We love character development in this house.

That said, Teruko is still being a bit of a tsundere, with the whole "repaying a favor" thing. Levi parallels anyone? Well, not exactly, since Teruko does feel empathy towards Eden, but close enough. What's more interesting is that Teruko is using the exact transactional logic that Eden warned her against, which is intriguing setup for the future when it becomes more undeniable that Teruko is definitely not doing this just to repay a favor.

Also, the Trauma remains. Teruko telling Eden to let go fully completes the parallel to the Min scene, where she says the same thing (among others). I imagine our girl won't be too receptive of hugs for a while.

Before we get to the next big moment, real quick, we gotta fulfill our "Teruko's life is miserable" quota.

Teruko [to Ace, 2-15]: And three. You took the tape for first aid. Arturo: That's ridiculous. Who uses non-medical tape for first aid? That's sickening. Teruko: It's not that weird. I do it all the time.

Alright quota fulfilled. Let's move on. In this case, I'll skip to when Teruko gives up on the "show me your injuries Ace" line of reasoning.

Teruko [2-15]: No. It's fine. That's not a very fair line of logic, so forget it. You were almost murdered, after all. I should have understood that.

I don't know why Teruko really thought this line of logic was even worth following in the first place, but it makes sense for her character to ignore Ace's possible emotions in favor of the trial. But it's also cool to see her backing down when she realizes the harm she may be causing, especially as someone who has very notably hid how much her own murder attempt affected her, and in particular the wound that came from it.

Teruko [2-15]: The point of this trial is to determine who the killer is, not to determine every single little detail of what happened. It doesn't matter that you're not convinced. It's not going to help you, nor change your fate. No matter how you feel or what you think, nothing will change. [...] I've been fighting this entire trial to find the truth using real evidence. And when I make mistakes, I own up to them. What have you contributed? Show me some concrete proof of your innocence. Otherwise, shut up and stop wasting everyone's time. Ace: ... Teruko: Are you silent now? What happened to all those things you were shouting earlier? Don't you have anything to say for yourself? Ace: ... Teruko: Any evidence, any deductions to show that you're innocent? Come on, Ace! Don't you want to live?! Defend yourself!

So, a few things. First, regarding that second paragraph. "It's not going to change your fate"? "Nothing will change"? We'll circle back to it, but it seems Teruko is projecting how she feels about her own fate (before the Levi incident at least) on Ace. You could even say-

Literature Girl Insane: Even if we cry make noise shout go mad - this world won't change!

The foils ever.

Anyways, I assume that's why Teruko gets so worked up over Ace remaining silent. She sees a bit of her situation in trial 1 (almost murdered, suspected as the killer) in Ace, so her emotions run high with both the frustration of a long trial and the bad memories this is probably bringing up. At least, that's how I interpret it.

Also another mention of correcting mistakes, which shows up one more time before the episode ends, which I already mentioned as being tied back to Min and Arei; alongside with another "fate" drop. "Fate" is becoming the new "good person" isn't it :p

Teruko [2-15]: Confront the mistakes you've made. Then accept death. That's the fate of everyone who choose [sic] to participate in this killing game.

Also I find it endlessly funny that Teruko's reasoning for the Closing Argument being necessary reads a lot like "this is a DR trial we gotta do this, it's in the contract." Consider me amused.

But I've beaten around the fate bush enough. Let's get all of that over with in one fell swoop.

Teruko [2-16]: It's just... misfortune. That's why Ace killed. That's all.

Teruko [regarding her execution, 2-16]: What's the point [of running]? I should have known this would happen. [...] Even if I shield myself behind others, even if I search for an escape, it always comes down to this. I have to face the consequences of my actions. There's no escaping that. [...] Arturo: What are you talking about?? You're going to be killed!! Teruko: Killed? I doubt it. As if something so kind could happen to me. [...] I won't die, even if MonoTV puts a hundred bullets in my body. I'll only be badly injured. Possibly lose a body part. Maybe I'll even end up in a coma for months. [...] But I won't die. I never will. There's nothing I can do but accept my fate. It's what I deserve, after all. [...] I was perfectly willing to get shot. I thought I didn't have to care about what happened to other people, and especially not about what happened to me. I thought that if I lived alone and died alone, nothing would stain my conscience. Even if that was a selfish way to live. But even so...

Teruko [to MonoTV, 2-16]: Can you really say it's fate's fault for everything you've done, and pretend that you hold no blame in the matter? I have always said that my misfortune, my personality, the choices I make, everything was all a product of a bad luck that I can't control. That I grew up in such terrible circumstances, so I was destined to grow up to be a terrible person. That everyone else abandoned me, so it's not my fault that I'm alone. I want to say it's fate's fault, and that I had no choice in the matter. But, even so... Even so... Everyone. Xander, Min, Arei, Ace. Maybe even Levi. Is it my fault that they died? [...] MonoTV: You have to decide the answer for yourself. Teruko: Whether it was the fault of fate, or my fault... I already knew the answer. I had known what the answer was since a long, long time ago.

Alright I made myself sad, so something's been achieved, I guess. Poor Teruko :(

Just to start somewhere, we get confirmation of Teruko's suicidal tendencies in the present, which was already implied strongly enough, but now she straight up says she considers death something "kind to her." Just sad in general, but I wonder if there will be some discussions of it with the fellow suicidal characters like Hu. In fact, I wonder if that's the reason that Hu was the one to see the scar on Teruko's back during 2-2; so she'd have a vague idea of Teruko's backstory for some interaction in the future.

But the main point of these scenes is Teruko's relationship with the concept of fate. She basically goes through an entire character arc from the moment she says Ace's murder was just misfortune to right after Levi jumps in to save her. Basically, she used to blame fate (or "bad luck") for everything she did and what happened to her, thinking that just accepting this fate would allow her to live more easily. Especially noticeable because part of her "bad luck" is being betrayed, which gives way to her trust issues.

Teruko [2-2]: If I get in a car, it'll crash. If I stand in a construction site, it'll crumble to dust. If I trust others, they'll turn their back on me.

Hence her internal monologue about "living so nothing stains my conscience." If everything that happens to her is fate's fault, then she doesn't have to change, she doesn't have to confront her faults. Even when she talked about accepting the consequences for her actions, it was always in the context of accepting her fate. If she just accepts whatever consequences her actions bring, then she can excuse herself from fighting back against that, which is an easier way to live, but as she says, could be considered selfish. What's easier for Teruko is not always best for others, exemplified perfectly by Levi protecting her; Teruko chose not to fight her fate, and it got Levi hurt. Funnily enough, this somewhat parallels Hu feeling selfish for not sharing her secret, which is fun contrast. Hu is more justified in not sharing her secret, so it shows that feeling selfish for doing things that are good for you can be pretty bad. Meanwhile, Teruko shows that not taking others into account can also end up hurting people.

Of course, the whole "not fighting fate" thing also obviously parallels Mr Literature Boy Insane's feelings on the whole thing, to the point where they have practically the same character flaw. Believing themselves and others unable to change as a result of fate is the way they try living with themselves, because of the whole self-loathing thing, but that means they're resistant to changing their flaws. MonoTV says similar things, but it's a machine so it's not so much a flaw as just the nature of its character. It was a flaw Arei had, though, but she grew out of it through Character Development, similarly to the way it's implied Teruko is growing out of the "all fate's fault" mindset in the last inner monologue. You might also notice that tying fate into self-betterment allows you to draw a connection to the theme of admitting mistakes and fixing them, tying to Min who is also connected to the concept of fate through her entire backstory of being "destined" to be the Ultimate Student from the moment her family accepted XF-Ture's Tech contract, and obviously Min contrasts Xander who is all about fighting fate as the Ultimate Rebel, and that's without mentioning all the other "fate" bullshit going on and-

Yeah you get the idea. Too much peak for me to write it all out.

Very excited to see where Teruko's character goes now that she's not going to blame her bad luck for everything now. I worry she'll swing too hard the other way and end up blaming herself for things she shouldn't, but oh well, that's just more character development to be had.

That was the biggest Teruko thing, but there's still more to cover.

Teruko [to Ace, 2-16]: If you can't [attack MonoTV]... If you can't do that, then tell me, why did Arei have to die?! Ace: ... Teruko: It's because unlike Arei, *you* couldn't make amends with the people you made enemies out of. *You* were too scared to confront the people you hurt, say you're sorry, and promise to be a better person. So instead you took out your own personal problems on other people by murdering someone who had nothing to do with you! Arei died because you're a coward, Ace!

Uh... someone's projecting~

Teruko [already linked, 2-2]: But if you start talking about me and saying that I could be a good person if only I make an attempt to change, then I'm going to stop you right there. Don't say that I could be a good person, because all it'll do is make me feel bad that I'm not.

Damn it's almost like she hates herself because she already knows deep down that her mindset is flawed and so when she sees someone else behaving like she does/did she gets upset at them that's crazy :O

(I mean it's not 1:1 because Teruko never did anything as bad as Ace, but the point stands :v)

Final note, as always, voice acting was peak, just that there's too many good examples to point them all out one by one. Same with Levi btw, I think I forgot to mention it in his section.

Teruko continues to be probably my favorite protag of any DR or DR inspired story, though as always I'm working on a small sample size. Really excited to see her development in the future!

Ace Markey

Well if it isn't the man of the hour! It's only natural the blackened gets to close things out. Let's do the same thing as we did with Teruko and go by (mostly) chronological order.

That includes the quick, retrospective observation that a lot of Ace's behavior in the trial and investigation now needs to be re-analyzed with the understanding he's the blackened. It mostly just adds an extra layer to Ace's constant accusations towards Nico, though, since Ace didn't really do much most of the trial. The only other notable thing he did was revealing David's secret, and even then, nothing too big. I know it's a bit silly to go so hard on Nico when David is almost easier to frame, but this is Ace we're talking about. He's emotional and not quite the most strategic, so nothing weird there.

Although, speaking of Ace knowing about David's secret, why did he not hear the end of the Arei-David conversation? I doubt he's hiding it, because he doesn't really have a reason to, so apparently he just, like, left. I guess he just didn't care enough :p

Finally getting to PT 2 itself, we have a 2-13 speech we skipped earlier, don't we?

Levi [2-13]: I don't personally care what happens to Ace. Whether he lives or dies is none of my concern in the end. Ace: ...?! Levi: But it is a "good" thing to make sure someone else doesn't die, even if I personally do not care about the outcome. I truly believe that. But I adhere to that principle out of duty, not sentimentality. Does that make any sense? Ace: You... Hah. Hahaha. You-- You fucking piece of shit. Levi: ... Ace: I was right all along. That you felt bad for me... That you actually wanted to help me... That even if everyone here treated me like shit, there was at least one person who still cared about me... That shit's too good to be true, isn't it? Yeah, good thing I didn't fall for that in the slightest. Not one bit. I was totally right all along to burn our friendship-- No, I can't even call it "friendship." There's only one person in my whole life who I've ever been able to call my friend. That I ever thought, even for just a short time, that you and I were "friends" is an insult to his memory. I probably sound real pathetic admitting that. But I'm not nearly as pathetic as you. After all, you're a piece of trash who probably has never had a single friend in your life. Levi: ... Ace: Got nothing to say to me now? That's fine. Hey, Levi. I really hope you fucking die.

Okay there is... so much to unpack there. Let's... start by the smaller thing, which is the Taylor Riley drop in "there's only one person in my whole life who I've ever been able to call my friend." This guy's name was revealed in a now deleted CH2 PT1 QnA answer, alongside with the name of a friend of Veronika's who gave her her green triangle earring, Alyssa Belyaeva. We got main series confirmation of the name in one of the graves of Thanatophobia, alongside the names of Elliot Cuevas and Felicity Giles.

We know... zero about Taylor, apart from the fact that he was Ace's friend and is now very evidently dead. Thankfully, we get a bit more context on his death by one of Ace's comments:

Ace [2-16]: Execute me right now, you hear me, MonoTV? MonoTV: ... Ace: Because... Because Levi is gonna fucking die, and I'm going to have a third goddamn death on my hands!

Third, huh? Arei, the hypothetical Levi death, and presumably Taylor. Sure, the third could be Ace himself, but I feel the line makes a bit more sense with Taylor.

So, Ace blames himself for the death of Taylor. Given he liked the guy, probably not intentional murder, but who knows what the hell he did. At this point, we really have no way to deduce the way Taylor died or how Ace could have caused it somehow, though. Maybe we'll get some answers in the Bonus Episode? Hopefully :p

But that's the easy part. The hard part is Ace's feelings towards Levi. Immediately, we can tell the whole "I never thought you cared about me, not one bit" thing is a complete lie, not just because the line itself is extremely unconvincing, but because of something Ace says later in this episode.

Ace [to Levi, 2-13]: You piece of shit. I can't believe there used to be a time I actually liked you.

So, yeah. Similarly, based on the fact that Ace wanted MonoTV to speed up the execution to try and save Levi's life despite his fear of death, we can infer that Ace is also lying when he tells Levi "I really hope you fucking die."

No, Ace really does care about Levi. For the reason stated at... some point in this analysis; Ace feels safer around Levi. And that creates a bit of a problem for him, because if he wants to escape the killing game, he's gonna have to kill Levi to do it. It's unclear if that's the reason he originally pushed Levi away, "burning their friendship to the ground" in his words, or if he just didn't want to trust him after the death threat in trial 1. However, guilt over trying to get Levi killed is definitely part of why he says this:

Ace [2-16]: I knew... I knew that I wasn't allowed to call [Levi] a murderer. I had no right to act betrayed, because I was the one who betrayed everyone. But still, I...! Levi: Why-- Ace: But still, I--! I don't care what it was! I don't care if it made me a hypocrite! Even if I was completely in the wrong, and even if it made my life worse! I just needed a reason to stay mad at you, any reason at all, goddamnit! Levi: Why? Why do you have to force yourself to be angry at me? You just said you know that you're in the wrong, so why do you still do it?! I don't understand. I can't understand you, no matter how hard I try. Ace: Good! Stay that way! I hope you never understand me, even after I'm buried a billion miles deep in the ground and you're weeping at my grave, you piece of shit!

Ace tries very hard to find reasons to hate Levi because he's afraid of growing close to anyone in the killing game, mostly because he thinks he'll be betrayed, but by the point he starts plotting murder, also because he's trying to kill them all. Being close to them is a good way to feel more horrible about himself than he already does.

To be clear, the reason I say the first reason is more important is because I think I can more or less pinpoint the moment Ace starts thinking about murder, and by that point he's already trying to cut Levi off.

Ace [2-2]: In this killing game, everyone is out to get me. Especially people who love picking fights with me, people like you [Teruko] and Levi. I can't believe I wasted my time with all that dumb shit like arm wrestling and running around screaming at meaningless stuff. I was fucking stupid to not take this killing game seriously from the start. I'm done with being everyone's kickable scaredy cat. The only thing I should do is look out for myself and myself alone.

Well he sure did take the killing game seriously after this point now didn't he?

Obviously, this is a pretty direct parallel to the way Teruko tried pushing everyone away in this chapter, and the way David pretends not to care about Arei after the magical girl transformation. More on this whole thing in a bit.

The relationship between Levi and Ace is one of contrast. Levi, who doesn't actually care about Ace the "usual way", chooses to try to get closer to him. Meanwhile, Ace cares about Levi maybe too much, and his fear of this attachment drives him to push Levi away. The yaoi truly is doomed with this one. Moving on.

Ace [to Nico and Hu, 2-14]: You two are a real fucking joke. It would have been one thing if Nico gets away scot-free with trying to kill me, but now they apparently also have a fucking defense brigade to shield them from even having to think about the fact that they're a murderer. Who's gonna stick up for me, huh? No one. Because I have a spine and I don't need other people to lie to me constantly to keep me happy.

Ace [to Nico, 2-14]: You tried to murder me. You fucking tried to murder me! And after all's said and done, you can't even say something as simple as "sorry"?!

Ace [to Teruko, 2-15]: Were you convinced by Eden because she had a little sob story ready? Should I start crying and wailing too to change your mind? Teruko-- No, everyone here. You're always attacking me for stupid reasons. Everyone always has it out for me. That pisses me off. All of you piss me off.

Ace [2-15]: You all actually think I'm too goddamn stupid to accomplish anything? Do you really think I'm 2 seconds away from choking on my own spit and passing out?

This is where we start to see Ace's persecution complex on this part, which was already alluded to in the previously linked 2-2 Ace quote. He thinks everyone is out to get him, and to an extent, he's not horribly wrong. Very few people in the cast have favorable opinions on Ace, and he knows that if he gets revealed as a murderer, that "few people" will likely turn to "no one." I mean, not even Levi wants to defend him.

Ace [2-15]: Hah... I expected everyone else to get on my ass, but for you of all people to think I'm the murderer... What happened to ever wanting to make things up, huh? Besides, between you and me, we both know who's really a murderer.

And hell, Nico's already tried to kill him! Ace is the victim in that situation, even if he did "start it."

Which gets us to one of the most interesting moral quandaries this trial presents us with, Milgram style. Because the thing is, Ace has given the cast reasons to dislike him. Ever since the start, he's been confrontational, insulting, and just generally not the most delightful person to be around. Especially to Nico, who he specifically targeted to bully. Obviously it doesn't justify being horrible to him back, including things like Hu's slap and Levi's death threat, and especially Nico's murder attempt, but... well, if people don't feel about Ace the same way they feel about some of the calmer cast members, there's a reason for it.

How justified is the cast in the things they say about Ace? How much of it is Ace's responsibility, and how much is it the cast's? How much responsibility do they hold for creating the hostile environment that pushed Ace into murder? How does the mastermind and the killing game itself factor into this valuation? These are all interesting questions the series asks us to ponder on, and by their nature don't have any one right answer. Especially because "blame for a thing that happened" isn't a number that can be evenly divided by percentage, it's a very complicated and subjective thing. J puts it pretty well in her speech to Ace in 2-15, giving her perspective as well.

J [2-15]: Maybe I was too harsh on you. Me and everyone else here, I don't think a single one of us stopped to think where the breaking point is. ...But. Murder is unacceptable, no matter what. Your problems might be awful, and they might be the worst in the world, but they're still not so bad that killing 13 people is acceptable. You can't be forgiven as a murderer just because your life sucks.

My personal opinions on this are probably best saved for when we get the full picture in just a moment.

And speaking of the full picture, since Ace's persecution complex feeds into his fear of death, why don't we skip right into the big speech?

Ace [already linked in the Hu section, 2-15]: ...... God damn it. I'm such a piece of shit. [...] You're right. I'm screwed. There's no way I'm making it out of this trial alive. I just... wanted to stall for time. I'm scared of dying, I really am. [...] I killed Arei. That's exactly right. Shit, it sounds really bad when I say it out loud. [...] Hu: Did you kill Arei because of MonoTV's motive? Because you wanted to keep your 'secret' hidden-- Ace: Hell no! I don't give a damn about that motive, or my dumb little secret, you idiot fuckwad! Who do you think I am, you?! *sigh* That wasn't why I killed her. I was scared of dying, that's all. [...]

Quick thing, but I think it's cool that the motive really had jack shit to do with the murder. Hate to bring the guy up so much, but it helps make David's "plan" of revealing all the secrets unequivocally wrong, which I feel is important for some of the themes of the chapter. In particular, the idea that gets pushed that everyone should be allowed to reveal their secrets at their own time, aka privacy is important. Nico's public secret reveal happened before they were ready to share, and that was a bad thing, after all. And a lot of the conflict in this chapter came from MonoTV giving the motives in general.

Ace [continued]: I'm definitely going to die in this killing game if I don't escape. Everyone hates me, right? Because I'm a volatile asshole who can't help but pick fights and make people mad at me. Veronika was right. If pushed to kill, everyone would feel the least guilt if they killed me. They might even have some sort of grudge. I wouldn't be surprised. When Nico tried to kill me, that just confirmed it. There's a part of me that's a little pissed that Nico didn't succeed back then, because that would have saved me the trouble of having to go through this stupid-ass farce. Although I'd be real fuckin' pissed if they *did* successfully kill me. I'm kind of pissed at Nico for trying to kill me, either way. Nico: ...

Interesting to hear part of Ace wanted Nico to succeed. It certainly speaks to a great level of defeatism, where everything is horrible and death would be preferable, which parallels Teruko nicely. That defeatism for Ace comes partly from the persecution complex discussed earlier, and some other stuff we'll talk about in a moment.

Ace [continued]: But still! If I didn't kill someone and escape... then I was going to die. I'm fucking terrified of dying! I can't sleep at night because I keep thinking about how I'm going to die young in this goddamn killing game! I didn't want to die! I want to live. Just like everyone else. Live, and escape this killing game, and go back to my shitty life where I can't do anything on my own because I can't control myself. Back to that life where I can't do anything but a sport that I hate because I suck shit at everything else. I was forced into that fate, to kill someone because I'm scared. It was either that, or I would be killed first. There were no other options for me, because I'm a coward who can't fight my own fate. [...]

I think an underrated part of Ace's character is just how much damn symbolism is hidden in his talent.

The first connection is the more or less obvious "if I didn't kill someone, I would be killed first" mentality, where Ace literally views the killing game as a race to be the first blackened to get away with it. But that's almost an extension of the other connection.

You hear it from him here; he feels he completely lacks control of his life, that it's all decided by a fate he can't control, the same way that a jockey doesn't walk on their own, but rather is carried by a horse to their destination. And it's no wonder that this feeling of lacking control is referenced in his secret quote, "I don’t know what to do with myself anymore." After all, it's this feeling of lacking control of himself and his situation that causes him to seek control of anything he can, be it bullying Nico because he sees them as an easy target, distancing himself from others because it's easier to control his feelings that way, killing someone because it's the only way he can control his place in the killing game, or anything else I might be forgetting.

And this fear of lacking control is probably part of his fear of death, isn't it? Because no one can control what happens after death. Maybe yes, maybe not, but regardless, Ace's thanatophobia is pretty evident. I mean, it's the name of his execution, and it's a fitting one. Ultimately, Ace's fear of death is what gets him killed, both metaphorically because it's the reason he became a blackened, and literally because he dies of a fear-induced cardiac arrest. That, alongside with the incredible art and banger music, is why I consider Thanatophobia one of, if not the single best DR style execution I've ever seen. Simply peak.

Ace [continued]: Do you think I give a crap about you all? Why would that matter to me? No one gives a crap about me either! None of you even respect me enough to think I was capable of killing Arei! In fact, that made me feel way less guilty about killing-- [J makes her anti-murder speech] Ace: ... I know that [I can't be forgiven]. I'm the one who murdered Arei, so of course I know that. Arei... She was a piece of shit too. Just like me. Even if she said all that nice bullshit to Eden, there was no guarantee that she really was going to change and become a good person. Maybe if she lived, then by tomorrow she'd be right back to her annoying bitchy self. ... But at least she was trying. And I can't even change one thing about myself. Not my shitty job, not my shitty personality, nor my shitty life. I really am a piece of shit, huh?

At the end of the day, Ace is his own worst enemy. What really gets Ace killed (apart from the already mentioned fear of death) is the inability to change, to see the flaws in the way he behaves himself and try to better himself. Or, rather, he does see the flaws, he knows he's a target of the killing game because of his aggressiveness and that he drove himself into a corner out of fear, but he considers himself incapable of changing that. Changing is difficult, and Ace is scared to even try. Like he says, maybe Arei couldn't have managed it either, but she was trying. And that's what ultimately separates the two.

In case it isn't obvious, my take on who's to blame for everything that happened is pretty much squarely on Ace. Sure, there were things the others did to Ace which aren't justified, but you can't blame people for disliking someone that knows he's unlikable and cannot find it in himself to try to change that. Arei tried to change; she died a good person. Levi tried to make amends for trial 1; he's a good person too. The tragedy of the situation is that Ace himself could have been a good person too, because everyone can be, but it's a decision that must be made, as Eden put it earlier in the chapter. And it's a difficult one, too difficult for Ace.

Teruko, David, all these people... they can also be "good people," in the sense of always trying to be "less shitty together" in Arei's words. Ace is a cautionary tale of how not doing so can end up really, really badly.

Which is the setup for Teruko and David's continued foiling, isn't it? Teruko will presumably look at all of Ace's flaws (lack of trust, unwillingness to change, accepting fate without fighting it) as pitfalls to avoid, because of how similar the two of them acted in CH2. Meanwhile, David, since he heard Arei's speech and knows just how hard she tried to change, will see those same flaws as strengths. In his eyes, Arei died because she trusted the note, because she tried to change, because she tried to defy her nature. At least, that's my prediction. Where all of that will go is anyone's guess.

But, how do we know that Ace could have been a good person? How do we know that it isn't David who is right, that neither Ace nor Arei could have ever gotten better, had they simply tried? Well, simply put, because in the end, Ace does start changing. As a final, tragic note, Ace's ability to confront fate and try to correct his flaws only surfaces when it's far too late. And not only when he punches MonoTV, though that also is a good example of it, but also when he chooses to face execution quicker in an attempt to save Levi.

Ace [already linked, 2-16]: Execute me right now, you hear me, MonoTV? MonoTV: ... Ace: Because... Because Levi is gonna fucking die, and I'm going to have a third goddamn death on my hands! Arturo: E-Even then, there's no guarantee that he'll live--- Ace: Shut up! What the hell are you talking about? Aren't you a surgeon? Can't you fix him? Arturo: I--! I'm not that kind of surgeon! I've told you, over and over, I have no experience with saving lives! Something like this! There's no way I can do it-- Ah! Ace: SHUT UP! Shut up, Arturo! You *can* save his life! Shut the fuck up! Stop saying you can't do it, because you can! Don't you understand? I'm going to die right now, and you're going to live! So decide whether you want to at least *try* and put in some fucking effort for once, or keep making excuses for yourself like a sniveling coward for the rest of your life. I don't even get to make that decision anymore! Stop complaining, you whiny little shit! Grow some fucking balls and save someone's goddamn life, asshole! Because you can!

There's layers to Ace's shouting barrage at Arturo. Obviously part of it is just Ace trying to convince himself that Arturo can save Levi so he can die with a relatively clearer conscience, but there's also a sort of self-awareness of Ace's faults in the things he says. Try swapping "save Levi's life" for "be a better person," and pretend it's being said to Ace by someone else who is about to die.

You *can* [be a good person]! Shut the fuck up! Stop saying you can't do it, because you can! Don't you understand? I'm going to die right now, and you're going to live! So decide whether you want to at least *try* and put in some fucking effort for once, or keep making excuses for yourself like a sniveling coward for the rest of your life. I don't even get to make that decision anymore! Stop complaining, you whiny little shit! Grow some fucking balls and [be a better person], asshole! Because you can!

Because moments ago, it was Ace who was making excuses like a coward for why he felt he would never be a good person, and why he had no control over his shitty personality that made everyone hate him and made him a target of the killing game, etc. He never put in the effort to change because he thought it was pointless, that he was unable to, and didn't realize the falseness of that preconception until he was faced with death. Seems I was on the right track when I connected his thanatophobia to his issues with control; death robs him of the decision to try and be a good person ("I don't even get to make that decision anymore!"), which he hadn't even realized he had until that moment.

It's no wonder Ace was a popular survivor guess; he could have changed, could have been a good person. And despite the harm he's caused, the way he robbed Arei of the opportunity to do what he couldn't and attempt to change, the intention he had of killing everyone in the trial, his death remains a tragedy for the hypothetical of what could have been. Maybe if Levi had managed to properly reach him the way Eden reached Arei, this could have all been avoided. But alas, Ace didn't accept the hand strectched out to him, and now it's too late to fix things.

I said during my reactions that I felt just as emotional during Ace's execution as I did with Min's, which was certainly true and very impressive given my massive bias towards the Ultimate Student. And while I can't say that I'll miss Ace as much as I miss Min (because come on), I'll certainly hold him close to my heart for as long as I live regardless.

As a final note, holy shit the voice acting. If I pointed out every line where the acting for Ace was spectacular, I would be here all day. I doubt I need to elaborate on this; the sheer perfection of the performance should be obvious to anyone who can hear it. Godspeed Seth Raffield, you truly were incredible. Can't wait to hear what you do in the Bonus Episode, provided there is one.

---

I am free! Holy shit that took way too fucking long. I need to figure out a better way to do this shit for later chapters, because geez. You have no idea how much Tumblr's drafts lagged because of this shit, I had to write the final sections in different drafts and copy paste them over because it was unbearable. Not to mention hitting the goddamn link limit which is just clinically insane from me. Anyways, if you somehow managed to read all of that, I feel genuinely sorry for you. You know you can be a good person if you try, right? There's no need to punish yourself like this.

I'm being silly, of course. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!

[bu-blegh-ost]

A short essay about how Caspian is mathematically not a mole (ep. 115 spoilers) (and for the whole series for that matter)

Okay, alright guys, I saw your concerns. I saw it all, and you are right to be worried that your favourite blue wet man's blue and equally wet best friend may turn out to be a traitor. And so am I, trust me. Which is why I went through every single bit of Caspian's past I could dig out to create an unltimate timeline of his entire goddamn life to see it it'd be plausible for him to become a mole at any point in time and ultimately prove his innocence! If that's something you're interested in reading, then buckle up!

"Jay, you come from a division of soliders that were purposely put to infiltrate pirate crews, especially the new and upcoming ones. This is totally seperate from the Black-Ops situation that you learned about in the Stronghold. And you, in this book, can tell that there is a plant on Lizzie's crew."

This, of course is something I need to point out first. Whoever Lizzie's mole might be, they are not a doppelganger. They are not a clone, or Black-Ops, just a solider of the Navy, a person that must have gotten into the Navy via regular recruitment, be trained by them and then put into a spy division. Jay ofc had this entire process sped up, due to her grandma's influence, but no one other than her, especially an Undersea citizen, who would probably have to put in extra effort to be trusted given their shaky political situation few years back, would get the same treatment. What I'm trying to say, Caspian would need time, at least few years of training to become a mole they'd trust to infiltrate a crew, and not just any crew might I add. More on that later. Let's go back to his most early years for now. This is a fragment of episode 84 in which Caspian talks to Gillion abt his early life:

C: We all have family. I consider my life up here, this crew to be my found family. But my previous…tribe with the water genasi in the Undersea, where I was growing up…sort of in a [illegible]... remember me telling you about the outskirts? We um…was very nomadic, quite a, quite a peaceful, tranquil life, but it was always, you know…mixed with this life of poverty and my family wasn’t very…wouldn’t really have much but the water around us, and each other, I suppose, so uh…You know...I mean my mother didn’t make it past old age, and uh…

G: I’m sorry…

C: When my sister left the tribe, my father sort of fell into a depression of sorts and he stopped moving around. And when we stayed in one place, I was 18 or so, maybe 16, it was a while ago, and then…that’s when I left as well. Ventured to the Oversea, and um…and it’s history, so that’s my family. Not sure what they’re up to these days, I mean…I know my sister went to the capital, where you were.

G: Pirating is a pretty lucrative business, maybe if…we managed to find them or run into them, we can give something back, put them in a better situation.

C: …Well um…I mean this was 10-15, 10 to 12 to 15 years ago, quite some, quite some time, so I don’t even know if my father is alive still, I mean I don’t really have the desire to go back to the undersea, Gill.

G: Wha-why not?

C: Because I like my life up here. This is where I’m happy.

So, before we go to what all of that entails, one more quick crazy thing to mention: so, Caspian's sister is an Elder of the Undersea. Like for sure. This is confirmed by this part from ep. 79:

The Triton who you remember as the Elder Odolaf, who looks like he is about to speak, but is cut off by the water genasi, who has been doing a lot of talking thus far, who is Elder Celeste. They stand up and there is a familiarity that you notice now in their face. It’s like you have met them before, but not in the way that you know them because they are the Elder, but in a way that it’s like, they look like somebody you know. And she has sort of these uh, white tied-up like dreads that are tied up in like a bun and they come across the face and then one side is shaved. And there are beads and piercings in her hair, her ears are a little bit more sea elf-like in the way that they are pointed and they kind of like gradient into pink. They all kind of wear the same sort of ornate robes, though hers is more, I guess faded and like cut a bit, look a bit more warriorous, or like tribal, but still very well-made and professional.

Tribal clothing, a water genasi, that looks like someone Gillion saw before in the face. The only water genasi Gillion met after leaving the Undersea is Caspian. Elder Celeste is Caspian's sister. Wild. Anyway, not what we're here for, but I needed to mention that.

The crazier thing is that Caspian left to Oversea when he was 16-18, and it has been 10-15 years since then. That means Caspian is currently 26 at possible youngest, and 33 at his oldest, which was surprising to me, I did not imagine Caspian as a man in his 30s! But that's straight up facts, so holy shit, you know?

Okay, so I'm going to list a lot of small facts that determine a lot of ages in quick succession. I hope it's not gonna be too scary to look at, I'll simplify it all at the end. [Deep inhale]

Right now Gillion is 22. So when Caspian left the Undersea, Gillion was 12-7. Jay is 21 and Ava was 2 years older, same age as Lizzie. So Lizzie is 23 now. When Caspian left the Undersea, she was 13-8. Chip is 19, so Lizzie is 4 years older. Hole in the Sea happened when Chip was 9, so Lizzie was 13. So Caspian left the Undersea around the same time Lizzie crashed on the uninhabited island with Chey after the Hole.

It's a lot, I know, I know. So let me clear this up a little.

Hole in the sea was 10 years ago. Chip was 9, Lizzie was 13. 10 years ago Caspian was in the age between 16 and 23, and he left the Undersea when he was 16 or 18. So roughly at the same time the Black Sea happened, Caspian came to the surface for the first time.

(also pls note that we are talking in estimates, casue in ep. 36 Lizzie says she was 11 when the hole happened, but in ep. 101 she says she was the same age as Ava which by the power of math would put her at 13. Either way, somewhere around that age)

After that, Lizzie spend some time on an uninhabited island with Chey, the Black Rose cook, who sacrificed herself for Liz, so she could survive and died shortly after. We do not know how much time passed, but I assume no longer than few months, and after that she was saved by Captain Shadowbeard where she met Caspian. They were a part of Shadowbeard's crew, Caspian saved her from the massacre where Shadowbeard was killed, and then Lizzie went on to create her own crew, Grandberry Pirates with Caspian never leaving her for a second since he met her. That means that the only time Caspian could have joined the Navy would be RIGHT after he came to the Oversea for the first time, roughly at the same time Lizzie was stranded on an island, and in that short period of time (between Lizzie's crash on the island and her being found by Shadowbeard) he would have to find the time to be trusted and accepted by Navy, get trained specifically for infiltration AND infiltrate not anyones BUT FUCKING SHADOWBEARD'S SHIP. Not a NEW crew. A crew of one of the most legendary pirates on the sea. Cause before Lizzie, Caspian was Sadowbeard's crew member, and since then he never stopped being a pirate, so if he was a solider, he would have had to be one before Shadowbeard. And remeber what Grizzly said in 115: "Jay, you come from a division of soliders that were purposely put to infiltrate pirate crews, especially the new and upcoming ones."

Shadowbeard was not new. Not upcoming. He was dangerous and Navy must have had the balls of steal to send a rookie solider, which Caspian would have been at that point in time, to infiltrate him. The numbers say it's impossible. Guys, the numbers! They don't add up!

Anyway, so basically Caspian could not be a mole. He is not a new pirate, he was not a member of a fresh crew, becaue his pirate journey did not start with Lizzy, it started with Shadowbeard. Grandberry Pirates is a new crew, but Caspian is not a newbie in it. You know who is? Rudith. I mean what kind of doctor lets a bunch of rowdy pirates have a secret base under a place where sick and vulnerable rest??? Like ANY other place would have been better and more respectful! Also you know what's interesting? Gillion could heal these people with lay on hands easily, and yet the only thing Rudith did for them was give them potions that didn't seem to help and look after them on purely non-medical level. Bro didn't do shit. Like, why would you even become a doctor without having access to healing magic? The answer, you are not. You are a Navy solider in disguise.

Okay, okay, I'm done, that's all. If you got this far, you are a hero, thank you for reading this insanely long ramble, but that's kind of the conclusions that I came to, of course, any counter-theories and discussion in general is very much welcome! I'd love to hear your opinions! Love you guys, bye~

[animebw]

So! In order to keep myself from losing my goddamn mind in the aftermath of that G-Witch episode (how are we supposed to wait two weeks for the next episode I swear to fuck), I want to take a second and focus on something this show has done exceptionally well, but that I haven’t really seen talked about at all. Namely, the fact that Suletta is one of the best examples of an overpowered protagonist I’ve ever seen.

And yes, she is canonically overpowered. As long as she has Aerial by her side, she can curb-stomp pretty much every opponent without breaking a sweat. Time and again, she goes up against impossible odds and wipes the floor with them The best duelist at school? Chump. Facing multiple opponents alone and outnumbered? Child’s play. And honestly, I was starting to get annoyed by it around the end of the first season. How are we supposed to believe Suletta’s ever going to be in danger if she’s so ludicrously stronger than everyone else?

And then The Slap happened, and everything turns upside-down.

See, what makes season 1′s cliffhanger ending so goddamn powerful isn’t just the sight of our cheerful bumbling protagonist liquifying a living person into red paste in front of her horrified fiance. It’s not just the realization of how deep Prospera’s manipulation has twisted Suletta’s sense of identity. No, the real secret behind The Slap’s brilliance is that it retroactively makes every single moment of Overpowered Suletta fucking terrifying. Suddenly, we realize that her overwhelming strength in battle is a direct result of Prospera’s influence, raising her to be the perfect pawn in her little scheme. The reason she’s able to knock the socks off every single opponent she faces isn’t just Latent Protag Syndrome; it’s because her mother crafted her into a relentless warrior with the strength to destroy any obstacle in the path to her revenge. Suletta’s strength in battle isn’t just overwhelming; it’s dangerous, to herself and everyone around her. And the second she has to unleash that strength in a situation more serious than a no-casualties school sporting match, it becomes instantly, horrifyingly clear that she is in no way ready to grapple with the great responsibility that comes with such great power.

In other words, what first seemed like just a case of another anime protagonist winning every fight because reasons turns on its head and makes that overpowered nature a source of fear, both for the audience and for Miorine. So instead of ending up a boring tension-killer where we’re never afraid for Suletta’s safety, the fact that she’s capable of such force becomes the most critical source of tension and conflict driving her and Miorine’s story in the second season. Suletta being so overpowered is an explicit character flaw, at least as long as Prospera’s claws are in her. Because just because she can punch away any physical threat in her path doesn’t mean she’s not vulnerable in countless other areas. She may be the strongest in a fight, but she has nowhere near the strength of character to deal with the political schemes and emotional burdens that come about as a result of that strength. All that skill on the battlefield doesn’t mean shit when you can’t see how that skill is being manipulated for dark ends, or causing you to take on stress and trauma you have no healthy way of coping with. Suletta can smash her way to victory in any fight, and yet she’s the most vulnerable, least protected person in the entire cast, in no small part thanks to the forces that made her so strong in the first place.

There’s a reason characters like Saitama from One Punch Man and Mob from Mob Psycho 100 are so beloved, despite being so overpowered. ONE knows that in order to make an overpowered character interesting, you need to give them struggles beyond the scope of their powers to fix. Saitama can punch a mountain in half, but he can’t punch his way out of existential ennui; that’s just as much of a struggle for him as any normal person. Mob’s psychic powers can’t solve his emotional turmoil or provide him the perfect path toward maturity; he has to figure that out himself. They are overwhelmingly strong in fights, but the primary conflict of their stories has very little to do with those fights and everything to do with their growth as people. They’re stories about how even being the strongest person alive doesn’t protect you from the challenges of life that everyone on this planet faces, and their journeys to self-actualization are enormously compelling as a result. No one remembers the overpowered exploits of Isekai Harem Protagonist du jour; everyone remembers watching Saitama and Mob slowly find their way forward in life, one simple step at a time.

Suletta, in my eyes, is very much in the same vein. Like Saitama and Mob and all the best overpowered protagonists, her writing understands that being incredibly skilled in one area doesn’t mean you can’t be challenged in others- and in Mob’s case especially, how that incredible skill can actually be the biggest obstacle for the challenge you actually need to overcome. Suletta’s skill in battle is made compelling by her lack of that same skill in other areas, and the ultimate conflict of Gundam Witch is a conflict she cannot punch her way out of. If she’s going to survive this chaos and live happily every after with Miorine, she will need to struggle to overcome her years of conditioning and emotional uncertainty. She will need to struggle just as Mob struggled, just as Saitama struggled, not just to learn the skills she hasn’t developed yet, but to push back against the influence that resulted in her being so freakishly strong in the first place. Suletta is an overpowered protagonist who’s overpowered nature is, itself, the greatest challenge she will have to overcome in order to truly save herself and the people she loves. And I think that’s really damn neat.

[shadowsandshapes]

pls do you have any thoughts on Tomura you wanna share with the class?

I'm still very much figuring out how I view him, so I really appreciate the ask 👀 In this episode: clothing. I was gonna do a bulleted list but then got a little nutty YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS I'M SORRY

◇ summary: Shigaraki loves to dress you up :) ◇ contains: Body Worship, Garment Fetishism, Mild Dirty Talk ◇ wc: [600 words]

MINORS DNI 🔪

Fuck – this was embarrassing. 

You fidgeted in front of the mirror – hands pulling at the ruffles of your skirt in a feeble attempt to cover yourself. It was goddamn short. The hem just barely covered your ass, stopping just below the curve of your cheeks. Bending over in this fit wasn’t an option. Not if you didn’t wanna flash the lace of your panties to the entire room. Buttons, ribbons and ruffles decorated the skimpy outfit from top to bottom, strategically placed in spots that would accentuate the dips and curves of your body. To be honest, while you did look very cute, this was a bit much for you. Which helped to remind you: this wasn’t for you. It was for him. 

Shigaraki’s eyes stared into yours in the reflection of the mirror. You followed his gaze, tracing every part of your body in his chosen outfit as he appreciated the sight. A blush crept onto your cheeks as he groaned approvingly. 

“Come here,” Tomura commanded, tapping two fingers on his knee. As you walked towards him, his eyes darkened. You had his undivided attention. That alone was enough to make you squirm. He looked at you so adoringly as you came to a stop in front of him – hands carefully reaching up to play with the fabric on your thighs. “Hold still.” His voice is quiet and husky as he whispers his command. You nod, allowing him free reign of your body. 

You tensed up as his fingers begin their cherishing ascent. First, they admired your outfit – lovingly playing with the lace and ribbons as he leaned into you. Tomura could disintegrate everything if he wanted, but he is careful with his touch. It would be such a shame to destroy something so lovely. You looked gorgeous like this. Shigaraki pressed his face against your stomach. You looked down, locking eyes with your fearless leader and lover. His eyes were filled with love and lust, their familiar crimson dulled by dark desire. The feeling of the fabric against his skin, your warmth seeping through to greet him, was nothing short of amazing. 

“You’re so hot,” he groaned out, slipping his fingers beneath the dress. You gasped -- feeling their coldness shocking your skin. “Such a pretty little thing. Wearing a slutty outfit like this. Just for me, yeah?” He was rambling – obsessed with dragging his nails across your bare thighs and watching your face contort into a pleasured, blissful expression. 

“Tomura,” you moaned out his name, making his heart jump in his chest. Fuck. That adorably embarrassed look was made for you. The blushing cheeks, the broken voice. It suited you so well. You were the single most beautiful thing he had ever seen. 

“You’re gonna let me fuck you, aren’t you?” he asked – a giddy giggle bubbling in the back of his throat. The sight of you trembling beneath his touch in such a skimpy-looking outfit had his cock rock hard. This was exactly what he had in mind when he suggested you wear something nice for him. “Of course you are,” Tomura concluded impatiently, already slipping two of his digits into your underwear. They prodded at your folds – earning a slew of quiet gasps and moans from your trembling lips. You were soaked. “Glad to see I’m not the only one enjoying this –” he hissed out, spreading your wetness all over his fingers as he slipped them inside. Your knees buckled as you lurched forward – grabbing onto his shoulder for support. 

“Please, Tomura –”

He hushed your cries – curling his fingers inside of you. “Don’t worry, (Y/n), I’m gonna fuck you soon, I promise – I wanna paint these clothes white.”

[Masterlist]

[hephaestuscrew]

"With a goddamn harpoon": The significance of Minkowski's weapon of choice within the narrative and characterisation of Wolf 359

TL;DR: Despite its initial comic role, the harpoon becomes a important symbol of Minkowski as a character; it is particularly associated with her desperate need for control, her desire to keep her crew safe, her stubborn determination, and her occasional unpredictability. These associations add to the narrative significance when Minkowski kills Cutter with the harpoon. 

[Tagging people who said they wanted to be tagged: @browncoatparadox @captain-lovelace @goblincaveofvibes ]

~~~

Ep21 Minkowski Commanding

First appearance 

We first encounter the harpoon in Minkowski Commanding, which is a significant episode for Minkowski's characterisation because it's the first big departure from Eiffel's point-of-view into Minkowski's. It's arguably the most Minkowski-centred episode in the whole show, so it stands out when we think about her as a character.

EIFFEL (over comm) Um, Minkowski? Why is the armory wide open, and also, apparently, robbed? Where's the tactical knives kit? MINKOWSKI Don't worry. I've got that. EIFFEL Oh. And the M4 carbine? The, like, really-dangerous-in-space, select-fire M4 carbine? MINKOWSKI Yeah, I've got that too. EIFFEL And this empty rack I'm looking at right now with a label that says "harpoon" suggests that... MINKOWSKI Yes. I have it, Eiffel.

The harpoon is introduced as part of a list of over-the-top weapons that Minkowski takes on her plant-monster-hunting mission. It's initially just a funny moment to emphasise how seriously she's taking this mission. The weapons arguably increase in unlikeliness as Eiffel lists them, and it's a comic image to think of Eiffel deducing the situation from the empty rack labeled 'harpoon'. It could have been an entirely throw-away joke that was never brought up again. The M4 carbine never comes up again. The tactical knives kit is mentioned in Knock, Knock, but not in a plot-significant or symbolic way. 

'Goddamn harpoon' speech

So why does the harpoon become such an iconic part of Minkowski's brand (and I'm pretty certain it was seen as significant by fans long before the finale)? It's got to be because of the next time it's mentioned, when Minkowski talks to the plant monster in the same episode:

MINKOWSKI (getting psyched up) You wanna play with me, huh? You wanna run rings around me? The joyless, boring, predictable old Minkowski? She can't stop you, right? Not someone as smart and powerful as you. You've got her pegged. Good. Get complacent. Get smug. That's right when you'll find me waiting for you. With a goddamn harpoon.

There's so much to say about this speech and what it reveals her character. For one thing, it's all projection - we have no real indication of what (if anything) the plant monster thinks of Minkowski. We don't even really know how much understanding it has when listening to her talk. She imagines that this silent adversary would call her "joyless, boring, predictable". I suspect that these are all things that she's been called a fair bit in the past. (To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if they are all things that Eiffel called her at one point.)

But the harpoon is proof against - if not the accusation of joylessness - the idea that Minkowski is boring and predictable. Boring and predictable people don't opt for a harpoon for fighting on a spaceship when plenty of more conventional weapons available. A harpoon is unexpected, and there's a kind of power in that.

Another interesting thing about that speech is that the whole thing would make at least as much sense - if not more - if it was directed at Cutter. In Sarah Shachat's episode commentary on Minkowski Commanding (part of the bonus material available to buy here), she says that Minkowski "is really speaking to Cutter in this moment". It's made clear that Minkowski's behaviour in Minkowski Commanding is not just about the plant monster itself. She tells Eiffel, "I have to take it seriously! If I can eliminate one threat, just one, then we are that much closer to going home!" 

The specifics of the plant monster's location, abilities, and origin are mysterious, but - unlike many of the other forces threatening the safety of Minkowski's crew - it is at least tangible and harpoon-able and not light years away. Hunting the plant monster is a way for Minkowski to assert control when so much is outside of her control. It's an attempt to demonstrate that she is - as she puts it - "in charge of this disaster". Minkowski treats the plant monster as a physical symbol of all the threats her crew are facing, and so the harpoon becomes a physical symbol of her fierce (if sometimes misguided) determination to take control of the situation and fight back against those threats to protect her crew.

The line "you'll find me waiting for you. With a goddamn harpoon" is one that sticks in the mind, especially since - with one notable exception - 'goddamn' is about as potent as swearwords get on this show. And it's the harpoon that she uses to give specificity to the threat. 

Absurdity

A harpoon is powerful and threatening, which is exactly what Minkowski is trying to convey to the plant monster, but in this context - not only on dry land but on a spaceship - it's also kind of absurd. From the way we hear it fire in the finale, we can tell that it's more like a speargun than a hand-thrown harpoon spear, but it's still an out-of-place weapon for space-based combat. Minkowski's already been shown to have a penchant for archaic weaponry, after her drunken enthusiasm over the cannon during the talent show incident, which is largely played for laughs. Similarly, in the episode commentary for Minkowski Commanding, Sarah Shachat says that the harpoon was introduced mostly just because it was funny; "[including a harpoon] was me sort of embracing the Moby Dick of it all. And I had no idea at the time how much importance that silly harpoon would take on." 

Eiffel makes a Moby Dick reference himself ("10 days of Captain Ahab's Space Walkabout"). I haven't read Moby Dick so I can't properly analyse the significance of this reference, but the initial prominence of the harpoon (traditionally a whaling tool) enables that connection. It feels like a good example of the classic Wolf 359 thing where something comedic has the potential to take on a deeper significance. It conjures an image of Minkowski as a Captain with the potential to be consumed by a single-minded mission to destroy... A potential that she resists in the conclusion to Minkowski Commanding when she chooses to leave the plant monster alone. The harpoon also fits with the sprinkling of nautical imagery and language in Wolf 359 (e.g. the repeated use of the word 'boat'), as well as the retro-futuristic feel of the Hephaestus.

We never learn why there's a harpoon on the Hephaestus. It seems like yet another of those bizarre unexplained quirks of the station, like the items in the storage room where Eiffel finds Box 953. Even when the weird mysterious features of the Hephaestus are depicted in a comedic way, these features are still a demonstration of the fact that the characters are in an environment that they don't understand and that their surroundings have been shaped according to the whims of Command.

I think we can assume none of the members of the Hephaestus crew brought a harpoon up with them. For whatever reason, someone at Goddard Futuristics must have decided to put a harpoon in that armory. Like most things in the crew's lives, the harpoon is owned by Goddard Futuristics. So the way Minkowski uses the harpoon could be seen as an instance of reclaiming something from Goddard and their control over her surroundings (in a similar way to how her crew are able to utilise the maze-like structure of the Hephaestus to their advantage when hiding first from the SI-5 and later from Cutter and the crew of the Sol).

Other mentions of the harpoon

The harpoon doesn't actually make another physical appearance until the finale, when it truly comes into its own. But there are a couple of little hints before then that it has become a part of Minkowski's brand amongst the other characters as well as to the listeners. These mentions remind the listener about the harpoon, so we don't forget about it before its big comeback in the finale.

Ep27 Knock, Knock

EIFFEL [to Minkowski] Like getting rid of all the weapons, for a start. We should gather up all the guns, the tactical knives, your harpoon. Put it all in the arms locker, seal that sucker up, and put the key in one of Hera's service canisters.

In this quote, Eiffel refers to it as "your harpoon" - the only weapon he ascribes ownership to here. He sees it as something she's laid claim to. He also thinks the harpoon is worth mentioning specifically, which suggests that he thinks that Minkowski would reach for it first if she was feeling particularly violent. This reinforces the idea that the harpoon has become a symbol of Minkowski's character. This connection is also strengthened by the fact that the harpoon is also never mentioned in relation to anyone other than Minkowski using it.

Ep45 Desperate Measures

LOVELACE [to Kepler] Yeah, right. Nobody knows this station like Alexander Hilbert. He knows every nook, cranny, hidden room - everything. And as back up he's got the only woman's who's ever turned outer space monster hunting into a recreational sport. You'll never see them coming... until all of a sudden there's a harpoon in your face, and you end up on the operating table of the finest medical sadist that Goddard Futuristics ever produced.

Lovelace mentions the harpoon and specifically refers to Minkowski's plant-hunting exploits, even though she didn't witness them. So we know that someone has told her that story. And what she's taken away from hearing the story is an emphasis on Minkowski's harpoon and an admiration for her determination. I don't think Minkowski was the one to tell Lovelace about her plant-monster-hunting mission, because I don't think she's necessarily proud of it. I suspect it was Eiffel who told her - he's the most natural storyteller of the group. In Mutually Assured Destruction, soon after meeting Lovelace for the first time, he says "Nobody's told you about the Plant Monster yet? So, funny story..." And I believe  Eiffel would have told the story of Minkowski's plant monster hunt in a way that conveyed both the ridiculousness of her behaviour but also a kind of awe at her boldness and persistence.

The tone of "all of a sudden there's a harpoon in your face" is pretty similar to "That's right when you'll find me waiting for you. With a goddamn harpoon". Once again, the harpoon is portrayed as something that the Hephaestus crew's adversary won't expect, something that will play a key role in that adversary's defeat. You might almost think something was being foreshadowed here…

Characterisation through Weaponry

When we think of the harpoon as a symbol of Minkowski as a character, it seems worth drawing a comparison with the only other Wolf 359 character who I think has a form of weaponry as a big part of their brand: Jacobi and his explosives. While a harpoon certainly has a lot of potential for violence (a potential which Minkowski utilises), it is targeted and intentional in a way that bombs don't tend to be. It's harder to have collateral damage with a harpoon, and I think that reflects a difference between Minkowski and Jacobi's approach to conflict.

A harpoon isn't really designed for combat - it's for hunting whales and other marine animals. It feels significant that Minkowski's key weapon of choice - the one she threatens the plant monster with and kills Cutter with - isn't the weapon of a soldier. She took an assault rifle with her to hunt the plant monster, but that wasn't the weapon she held onto. She's not a natural soldier, even if she'd sometimes like to think she is. 

Maxwell's Death

When Minkowski kills Maxwell, it's with a gun, not a harpoon. She's trying to be a soldier there. She's trying to do what she has to. I don't know much about how a harpoon is fired, but I've a feeling that there's less uncertainty about whether a harpoon was fired deliberately than a gun; the ambiguity around Minkowski's agency in Maxwell's death is a key part of the story that wouldn't work with a harpoon. But perhaps more importantly, I don't think there's meant to be a sense of victory or relief in Maxwell's death, unlike Cutter's. The harpoon - as a weapon that has become strongly identified with Minkowski as a character - is saved for moments when Minkowski is asserting her power in an active way that she isn't conflicted about. 

Ep61 Brave New World

About a third of the way into the finale, there's another indirect mention of the harpoon:

RACHEL Y-yes, sir… Umm, we also picked up some chatter on their weaponry supplies… Firearms, explosives, something about a harpoon…

This is a nice little reference which reminds the listener of the harpoon in anticipation of its big moment later on in this episode, while once again playing with its incongruity in a list of more typical combat weapons. Given that Minkowski and co. have guessed that they are being listened in on here, their choice to talk about the harpoon might be seen as their way of having a bit of fun, or it might be seen as their way to imply the same threat that Minkowski made to the plant monster. Cutter had warning, but he didn't heed it.

Which brings us, of course, to the harpoon's most significant moment:

Cutter frowns. Then he hears it: CLA-CLUNK! His eyes widen.  MINKOWSKI Let's see you catch this.  FWUUUMP! An ENORMOUS THING IS SHOT. A moment later, Cutter COLLIDES AGAINST THE WALL, IMPALED.  MR. CUTTER ... a... harpoon? That's not... how this is... supposed... to... He struggles for a few more moments...and then he stops.

This scene is a classic instance of Wolf 359 utilizing the audio medium to leave a significant element of the situation unknown to the listener until the right moment. We don't know that Minkowski is carrying the harpoon. We don't know that she's readying it as Lovelace talks. When we hear something fire, there's a moment where a listener might or might not have realised exactly what just fired. It's Cutter who delivers the glorious revelation. It gives the moment an additional burst of triumph that Cutter's final words are an expression of shock, not just that he has been defeated but at the weapon with which the killing blow was struck.

Human unpredictability 

It's not just that Minkowski kills Cutter with a harpoon; it's also that she wouldn't have been able to kill him without it. He can catch bullets after all, so Minkowski and Lovelace's guns are basically useless. Cutter thinks he's therefore invincible, but he hasn't accounted for the possibility that Minkowski might have a less conventional weapon on hand, one which fires larger projectiles that he can't catch so easily. The fact that she's carrying an unexpected weapon - a weapon that might have seemed ridiculous - is what allows her to defeat Cutter and therefore to survive. 

It's a repeated theme in Wolf 359 that the protagonists' strength is not that they are the most powerful or they behave in the most logical ways, but that they are complicated and human and unpredictable and very much themselves - all of the things that Cutter and Pryce don't want in their 'ideal humanity'. When Minkowski kills Cutter with the harpoon, it's a victory for human unpredictability and individual idiosyncrasies.

Making good on her promise

Thinking back to Minkowski Commanding, we can see that the threat Minkowski made to the plant monster absolutely came true with Cutter. He got complacent. He got smug. (I'd argue that smugness has always been one of his key attributes.) And he found her waiting for him, with a goddamn harpoon. The return of the harpoon for this moment suggests the defeat of Cutter is a culmination of some of the motivations and traits that Minkowski showed when hunting the plant monster, now channeled in a more suitable direction. She continued trying to get them "that much closer to going home". Her - sometimes absurd - determination provides a throughline from an episode that was mostly comedic (Minkowski Commanding) to a dramatic emotionally powerful finale. As Sarah Shachat put it in her audio commentary, Minkowski "makes good on her promise [that she makes in her harpoon speech in Minkowski Commanding]. That's why she's a hero."

It's significant that Cutter dies from an unlikely weapon that is so strongly identified with Minkowski. It makes that moment feel like truly hers (although she is of course right that she couldn't have done it without Lovelace - that's called being part of a crew). 

As the Commander, it feels apt that Minkowski is the one to kill the long-standing 'big bad'. Pryce is arguably the same level of antagonist as Cutter, but he's the one that we've been aware of since we became aware of larger sinister forces at work in this narrative. 

And if Minkowski has a personal nemesis, it's Cutter. He's the one who recruited her into the hellscape that is the Hephaestus. He played on her ambitions to get her where he wanted her. She trusted him the way she trusted the official chain of authority at the start of the mission. And that trust was extremely misplaced.

The significance of Minkowski being the one to kill Cutter is highlighted by the fact that she kills him with a weapon that only she uses, a weapon that links us back to her behaviour 40 episodes earlier. The sense of control that she was desperately seeking in Minkowski Commanding might not be completely within her grasp by the end of the finale, but she's reclaimed a piece of it by defeating the man who has been exerting control over her life for so long. And she did it with that goddamn harpoon.

[kylethescott]

NaruHina: Minor Edits

I have no other platform for this, so I’ll just put it here and maybe someone will enjoy it. I really love NaruHina, it brings me great joy knowing that it’s canon and has done for the last decade.. People will often say that it’s “badly written” and I don’t agree with that. I mean I think there’s a good reason people started shipping it in the first place, but I do have my frustrations with how some of it plays out.

I want to approach this like Pedro Pascal - Maxwell Lord: “Life is good, but it can be better!” My goal is not to massively rewrite the entire series, but take what we’ve got and talk it over and see how we can improve it with just a few minor tweaks, because I really do think the foundations are solid. Also just disclosing my biases, Hinata is my favourite character in the entire series, something I have talked about in much more detail elsewhere.

So without further adieu, let’s just get into this.

Part 1

I wouldn’t change a goddamn thing in Part 1. I genuinely think Part 1 lays out a really solid foundation for a romantic subplot. The story draws a bunch of direct parallels between Naruto and Hinata that are critical for each character's growth, we see how they help each other and support each other. First Naruto cheers her on in her fight, and then Hinata gives him the confidence before the finals. During which we also see that Hinata is someone Naruto feels comfortable enough around to talk about his deepest insecurities, which is extremely rare for him to do in Part 1. 

NaruHina is built on a classic romance trope: “opposites attract”. Naruto is loud, Hinata is Quiet. He’s rude, she’s polite. He’s overconfident, she’s underconfident. Even just visually, she’s blue and purple, he’s orange and yellow. The reason this dynamic works so well in stories is that they balance each other out. Each of them brings something to the table that the other person needs. 

Hinata needs someone in her corner who can give her confidence, Naruto needs someone in his corner who can see his vulnerability. Together they become stronger, that’s what the best romantic stories are built on, and Part 1 nails that. I think Part 1 also makes some interesting contrasts between Naruto’s relationship with Hinata and his relationship with Sakura, the girl he spends the entirety of part 1 pursuing. 

We now have the benefit of looking at Naruto (the story not the character) as a complete package, obviously that wasn’t true at the time it came out. But if we factor in what The Last will eventually reveal about Naruto’s crush on Sakura, that it’s completely superficial, I think Part 1 actually backs that up pretty well. 

His only interest in Sakura, especially at the beginning of the series, is that he thinks she’s pretty. How could it be anything else when she treats him like absolute dirt. I think the bench scene, while a bit weird, demonstrates Naruto’s complete lack of understanding of romance or love. He was totally fine with kissing her while disguised as Sasuke, after she’d just shit talked him right to his face. This is not a boy who understands what love is.  

(just to get ahead of this, I am by no means a Sakura hater, I do think there’s a lot of problems with the way Sakura is written which we’ll have to get into, but on a basic character level I think Sakura is fine.)

The only addition I would make to Part 1 has already been made, it’s the 100+ episodes of filler everyone skips. These arcs range massively in quality, I will not dispute that, but I like their existence in the story because to me it makes Naruto’s friendships with all the other genin feel more natural. We get to see them bonding by seeing them out on a whole bunch of missions together where they get to know each other better. I think even if you don’t watch them, just knowing that’s a thing enhances the bonds. 

For our purposes, there’s some genuinely great NaruHina stuff in there. Like Hinata finally being able to showcase her strength to Naruto, or the “you’ll make a great wife” line, and just a bunch of other cute moments that I’ll happily accept into my personal canon. (I always see people say that the anime studio shipped NaruSaku, but I don’t really get that because the filler for Part 1 is full of completely explicit NaruHina moments, I digress.)

Early Shippuden

(we’re classing “Early Shippuden” as everything up to Pain’s Invasion)

Now I would never want to accuse Kishimoto of playing favourites with his side characters…but this is a man who once said in an interview that if he were to date any of his characters it would be Shikamaru. No hate on Shikamaru, I love him, but the fact that he gets an entire story arc all to himself while the rest of the side cast all get to beg for table scraps is…well it’s frustrating to say the least. Not because that arc is bad but because I so wish other characters could get the same treatment, especially Hinata. 

What we get from Hinata in early Shippuden is pretty much just cameo’s, she shows up at the start of the Tenchi Bridge arc to faint and then she shows up during the Itachi Pursuit arc to just kinda stand in the background. I don’t think either of these are necessarily bad, but they could be improved. 

The fainting. Let’s talk about the fainting. In both the Manga and the Anime this is pretty much just a gag, and as a gag…ehh?…it’s fine. I personally just find it more frustrating than funny. But it wouldn’t take too much to make it an actual character moment and the best way to do that is to change the reason she faints. 

As it stands she just faints from shock because it’s been 2.5 years since she’s seen Naruto and he gets up in her face. My suggestion is to change it so that it’s actually something on Naruto’s end that causes her to faint. She can still be all nervous to come up and talk to him, but the reason for her fainting should be because Naruto makes some comment about how she’s “gotten really pretty” or something along those lines.

By adding a line like that you change it from a basic “oh no my crush is here!” fainting to a “Oh my god my crush thinks I’m pretty!!!!” fainting, which makes it feel a little more earned as a moment. This also makes it a more significant moment for Naruto, it would show that he thinks Hinata is pretty. Which while not essential to a romantic subplot is a pretty basic thing to get out there. If you want to go all in you can have him be taken aback slightly by her appearance. 

And you can still play into the joke of his ignorance by having him not understand why she’s freaking out over a simple compliment. Threading the needle between showing that Naruto has romantic feelings for Hinata, while also showing that he’s still not emotionally mature enough to recognise those feelings is a fine line to walk, but I think this change would do a lot to help. 

It’s still a gag, ultimately, but now it’s a gag that also signals a change in their dynamic from something that’s more explicitly romantic. 

As for the Itachi arc… I don’t know. Ultimately that entire arc really doesn’t have much going on for Naruto and the crew, it’s a Sasuke arc, so Hinata not having a lot of time in there is fine. I do think however I would slot the Three Tails arc from the anime into canon. I think that arc is genuinely pretty good and well placed in the story as a last hurrah for Orichimaru as a main villain and his particular vibe of mad scientist villany. 

I would make Hinata a little more prominent in that arc (let my girl win a fight damn it!), and just in general have a few more interactions between her and Naruto that showcase that Naruto does like hanging out with her even if he doesn’t understand his reasons why. Yamato sets up a big house in that arc that they all end up camping in, so maybe just a scene or two of Naruto telling her stories of his adventures with her listening intently and laughing at his jokes. 

Pain Invasion

You can probably already guess where my edit goes in this arc, but I will say that all of the confession stuff is great, absolutely iconic stuff. I think the anime takes the win here by expanding the fight scene, but also by adding the flashbacks to Naruto saving Hinata from bullies as a kid. I think that throughline really adds to the scene (and I also prefer that version of the scene to the one we see in The Last). 

It is absolutely cuckoo bananas that Naruto does not say anything to Hinata after he comes back to the village. Even from a basic narrative perspective, let alone as a romance, it’s insane that there’s no follow up. Hinata’s self sacrifice causes Naruto to break the 9-tails seal! It’s an absolutely pivotal moment of characterisation for him even ignoring the romantic implications. The fact that we just don’t address it at all until The Last boggles my mind to this day. 

Here’s my edit: everything happens as it does originally right up until the hug with Sakura, during that hug Naruto catches sight of Hinata over Sakura’s shoulder’s and immediately runs to give her an obviously much more intimate hug, patting her down and making sure that she’s okay, then finally relaxing when he’s sure that she is. Then you can get back to all the village hero stuff. (It honestly feels out of character to me that Naruto doesn’t check in on her as soon as he gets back.) 

We’re talking like 3 panels here, a page maybe, but it would wrap the whole thing up so much neater. I think the hug from Sakura is a…fine moment? But I think if it was contrasted by his actions towards Hinata like this it would be a clear signal to the audience that his crush with Sakura is over, and this is the actual relationship of the story. 

This wouldn’t and shouldn’t lead directly into a romantic relationship, I’m actually fine with Naruto not understanding the love confession fully, but there’s simply no way that it shouldn’t change his relationship with Hinata at all. Even if Naruto doesn’t realise he’s falling in love, it should at least be clear to the audience that he is, especially as we go into the next arc.

Five Kage Summit

“But Kyle! Hinata isn’t even in this arc!” Yes, exactly, that’s the problem. Let’s just look at the scenario presented in this arc:

In a short span of time, Naruto has received two love confessions. One is from the girl he’s always claimed to love, and is completely false. One is from a girl he’s never considered that way, and is completely genuine. If you’re trying to write a romance story, and you’ve just come up with this, you should kiss yourself on the mouth because you’ve just forced your main character to do some serious reevaluation about what he actually wants and who he actually wants to be with…in theory anyway! 

In practice, Sakura's fake love confession is just a waste of absolutely everyone's time. It never comes up again and Naruto never does any kind of reflection on it at all. I know Naruto is dense, I understand that and I love him for it. But come on, even he isn’t emotionally stunted enough to not put two and two together here… right?

It also might be my least favourite scene in the entire series? There’s just no way of reading it where Sakura doesn’t come across as a massive self centred narcissist, especially because it’s such a poorly thought out plan? (Like really Sakura, what are you going to do if he buys this? Date him forever? Quietly dump him after a few months of slumming it? What’s your endgame here, hun?)

But mostly I just can’t believe that the story puts two love confessions right next to each other like this and never once draws any kind of comparison between them. They’re just supposed to be treated as completely isolated scenes, it feels like it should be against the rules or something. 

So, there’s two potential edits here, one is to do what I suggested and have this be a moment of reflection for Naruto where he starts to consider Hinata in a more explicitly romantic light. Or, the option I prefer, just cut this scene. It adds little and detracts massively from Sakura’s character. (I could get massively derailed on a Sakura rewrite here so let’s just leave it there for now.)

On a lighter note I think this period in time presents an fun opportunity which the series never explores. Which is we’re now at a point where Hinata is confident in herself but not actively pursuing a relationship with Naruto, and Naruto is developing feelings for her that he doesn’t yet understand. So what you can do now is flip their dynamic from Part 1 where now it’s Naruto being all awkward and shy around Hinata. 

The best opportunity to explore that would be to have Hinata tag along on Naruto’s training trip with Bee, there’s plenty of opportunities for some cute moments there, and she can still go and join the war later like Guy does, but maybe that change is just me being self indulgent. 

The War

I’m mostly fine with everything that happens during the war, I don’t love Neji’s death but thats got way more to do with how the Hyuga are just kinda dropped from the plot after Part 1, rather than NaruHina specifically, I think as a NaruHina moment it’s solid. It’s another point on the list where Hinata is there to support Naruto at an emotional low point, but this time on more equal footing, holding hands is pretty much the exact symbolism for mutual support. 

I love that Kiba teases Naruto for showing off in front of Hinata, because I think it’s funny that Naruto and Hinata are the last people to notice that Naruto has feelings for Hinata. On the other hand, the whole thing where Minato asks if Sakura is Naruto’s girlfriend is just very weird, especially since it comes after the Hand holding thing. 

One the one hand I kind of like it, because it’s just such a dad thing to ask. On the other hand Naruto’s answer at this point really just should be a flat “no”. But instead he still fumbles over his words as if he still has any interest in Sakura at this point which I just don’t think is true, they’ve definitely moved into a more sibling like relationship by this point. 

I would’ve liked it if after the Infinite Tsukuyomi is released Naruto checked up on Hinata, especially when he was ready to charge out and rescue her the second he sensed her call out to him, but there’s so much other stuff going on by that point in the story I understand why we didn’t get to see that. I can infer that it probably happened at some point. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have major problems with the War arc and how it’s constructed (primarily that it’s just way too long) but as far as NaruHina is concerned I think it’s mostly solid. 

The Last

I mean full disclosure, I love this movie, obviously. I’ve been a NaruHina shipper from day 1 so this movie was like exactly everything I wanted. I think the problems with the movie, and definitely the problems some people lay out against it don’t have much to do with the movie itself and more to do with the audience's knowledge going into it.

Basically, if you ship NaruHina before going into the movie, you’re golden. If you don't, the movie does a pretty bad job of convincing you otherwise, and that’s not the movie's fault, it’s the rest of the story's fault for not making it clear enough that Naruto loves Hinata. Subtle hints and little nods are only really effective if you’re predisposed to shipping. If you’re not then the story up to this point has really not made it obvious enough. 

I think the idea that the movie tries to convey, that Naruto doesn’t understand the difference between platonic love and romantic love makes perfect sense for everything we know about him as a character, but what the movie doesn’t convey is that Naruto did have those romantic feelings all along, he just didn’t understand them. So my minor edit to the memory scene is just to make that more obvious. 

Include a montage of Naruto watching himself hanging out with Hinata, and lingering specifically on the fact that Naruto is always happy around her, I think adding that alone would solidify what the movie is trying to convey in that scene. I would also suggest that it should be more apparent that Naruto and Hinata are pretty much already dating before the movie even begins. This is kind of implied in the movie and certainly hinted at in some of the light novels, but just make it more obvious in the movie. 

They’re really close friends in that way where everyone else in the group just sort of assumes they’re already dating, But Hinata’s too nervous to actually make a move and Naruto’s too dense to. That’s already the conflict of the movie. Just make it more clear that this has been the state of affairs for a while. These are minor things, ultimately, I did say that I love this movie, it’s the fairytale romance of my dreams for these two characters and I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

And that about wraps it up! There are some people who think critiquing or analysing the romance in Naruto is pointless because it’s a fighting anime for boys, but I would retort that romance is woven throughout the entirety of the series from the get go. I mean the series ends with a romance movie, it’s weird to suggest that it’s only a minor part of the series. 

And I genuinely don’t think Kishimoto is terrible at it, even if he himself thinks he is. I think he had a lot of good ideas, he just wasn’t quite sure how to bring them all together, but the best of his moments are the parts that unite romance with the fighting, like with Pain, or during the war, that’s why romance is a completely valid part of shonen. 

I hope you’ve found this ramble entertaining, this is not the sort of thing I usually do but it’s been stuck in my mind, so there we have it.

[nyaagolor]

Now that you’ve played through all the episodes, how would you rank them?

Oooo this is tough, in part bc I like all of them a LOT. The designations between a few of them, especially in the middle category, are gonna be kinda arbitrary, but I'll do my best :)

Also this got stupid long so I put it under a readmore! Spoilers abound, as one might expect

8. Dawn of the Golden Witch (Episode 6)

I have some... mixed feelings on this one. I understand what Ryukishi was going for in using chick-Beato and Battler's interactions to parallel Battler with Kinzo and show Kinzo's dynamic with Kuwadorian Beatrice via analogy, but I also think it kinda fumbles a bit. There are points (cookie scene being a big one) where I feel like the characters take a backseat to the themes and the whole narrative feels off. Chapters 5 and 6 are supposed to be a perversion of the original story that Beatrice has lost control over, but there are points during 6 especially where I think it kinda loses itself. The rest of it is great (Erika's VA is a goddamn champion) but the very beginning of this chapter is easily my least favorite part of the series

7. Requiem of the Golden Witch (Episode 7)

I don't really have strong feelings on this episode. It would have been the high point in just about any other VN, but Umineko is so consistently fantastic that Episode 7 didn't really hit me as hard as the others. It did make me wish we got more Kyrie though, even if I know exactly why she wasn't as prominent as many of the others. Kind of insane that my second least-favorite arc is something I would rank like an 8 or 9 out of 10, Umineko is just that goated (get it???)

6. Turn of the Golden Witch (Episode 2)

While I do love watching the worst woman ever conceived have a 48 hour progressive mental breakdown, Alliance hits every point I like about the Rosa / Maria dynamic but does it better. It's still an arc I absolutely adore, so it feels weird to rank it so low, but I think about it a lot less than the other arcs so down here it goes. Shoutout to this arc for making me laugh to the point I could no longer speak not once, but twice. Kanon chuuni jacket and leashed Battler you will always be famous

5. Twilight of the Golden Witch (Episode 8)

I know that ranking episode 8 in the bottom half sounds like sacrilege but this arc had so much Kinzo and while I understand his narrative importance I Do Not Like Him. The fact that Kinzo is in the Golden Land but Kuwadorian Beatrice isn't makes me want to throw bricks at things. Other than that though, absolutely stellar. I bawled at the ending. The next day I thought about it more, misinterpreted it, and cried more, then I thought about it more deeply and talked with friends, really started to understand the core messages, and sobbed even harder. As these things tend to go. This episode ruined my life. Would recommend.

4. Legend of the Golden Witch (Episode 1)

note: 4 and 3 are interchangeable I like them both a lot for different reasons

The first time I read this episode, I thought it was great. The further I got into Umineko, the better it got. Now, with a full understanding of the plot and knowing how this chapter serves as self-reflection through the other (Sayo via Natsuhi) it serves as probably the most raw glimpse into Sayo's mindset we get. This episode ruins me and I'm pretty sure when I inevitably reread it I am going to dissolve into a puddle of goo. Also Natsuhi is there and she's my favorite of the matriarchs so I'm a little bit biased :)

3. Banquet of the Golden Witch (Episode 3)

This is one of the funniest pieces of literature I have ever read in my life. EVA-Beatrice, the entire sob story (that I, like Battler, fell for completely), the two towers fight scene... 10/10 no notes. I don't even have the words for how much I adored this one. I wish I could read it again for the first time.

2. Alliance of the Golden Witch (Episode 4)

Ok so fun fact I thought this arc was kinda boring at first, and was a little miffed I had to constantly go through Ange's little side quests when I just wanted to see Beatrice and Battler again. Fortunately, Ryukishi has a beautiful way of changing my mind very very quickly and the more I think about this Episode the more I love it. It has some of the most powerful emotional moments, a really good rehashing of the themes, and is a lot tighter and more condensed than I gave it credit for. There's a LOT that happens in this chapter, and it's been growing on me a lot-- while it doesn't take the number one spot in terms of my favorites, I do think it's the best written of the 8 episodes. As a bonus it focuses a lot on Maria who is one of the best characters ever and my darling baby angel.

End of the Golden Witch (Episode 5)

This is the platonic ideal of Umineko to me. The layers of metanarrative, the perversion of a formula to reiterate its structure, the use of genre conventions as a dual-use in-universe and metanarrative element, Erika. End of the Golden Witch is when I changed from someone who loved Umineko to someone who was obsessed with Umineko. The ending is one of the most visceral parts of the VN and I will fully admit I cried. There is so much happening in this episode I could talk about it all day. Also Natsuhi is there. Hey girlie <3

[renthony]

Some recs for adult animation I enjoy:

People always seem to think I only watch kids' shows, so here's a list of animated television shows I adore, that were all made with adults in mind:

King of the Hill - Genuinely didn't think I'd like it, but I actually really love it? I expected something that was basically just The Simpsons or Family Guy, but got a surprising amount of emotional depth from the main cast. Bobby Hill is my son boy.

Futurama - I am legally obligated to list Futurama. I have watched the entire series so many fucking times. I'm going to watch the reboot and we all know it.

Disenchantment - It's more than just "Futurama medieval fantasy" but tonally, they are pretty similar. I enjoy it immensely. Bean is a #bicon, and that's fucking canon <3

Samurai Jack - The original show aired as a kids' show, but the revival apparently put it into the adult category. I haven't gotten that far yet, but holy shit, it's so good so far. Even the "kids' show" part is pretty mature, imho.

Bob's Burgers - I fucking love Bob's Burgers. I need to catch up on the more recent seasons. A sitcom that DOESN'T have parents who clearly hate each other? Whaaaat?

Harley Quinn - I'm not caught up, and there are aspects I have critiques of, but overall, it's been fun as fuck. I LOVE this interpretation of Ivy so fucking much.

Metalocalypse - My dad's a metal musician, so this was on in my house all the time when I was a teenager. I haven't watched it in *years* but I still reference the early seasons in conversation constantly. The Duncan Hills will wake you, motherfuckers.

Big Mouth/Human Resources - They are better than you think they are, and the "ugly style" reminds me of classic Klasky-Csupo. Compare it to Rugrats and tell me it doesn't have similar caricature styles. Story-wise, it nails the exact blend of panicked awkwardness I felt as a disaster tween, it has SO MANY queer characters. They dramatically improved on their more problematic aspects after getting called on it in seasons 1 and 2. And Human Resources made me sob like a little baby in the episode with Kieth from Grief.

BoJack Horseman - Starts off as a goofy gross-out humor sitcom but very quickly becomes a serious drama. Incredibly heavy and dark, but holy shit the catharsis. Delves into a lot of musings about morality, celebrity culture and Hollywood, generational trauma, and the perpetuation of cycles.

Tuca & Bertie - Goofy slice-of-life about characters navigating their 30s. Lots of musings about family, trauma, sexual abuse, queer dating in your 30s, friendship, and trying to survive it all. I relate so fucking much to the main cast.

Magical Girl Friendship Squad - It's a magical girl cartoon about milennials. Their magical girl weapons are birth control pills and a bong. It's fucking amazing. I'm really sad nobody else seems to have heard of it. :(

Little Demon - Sitcom about the Devil's daughter. Unsure if it's going to get a season 2, since it's about to get taken completely off of Hulu. Still worth watching if you can, because it's so fucking good. Centers on a teenage girl navigating Being A Teenage Girl while also dealing with her dad being the Devil and her mom being a traumatized mess who's figuring her own shit out.

Q-Force - The advertising did this show so fucking dirty. It was genuinely fucking funny, and it was clearly made with love. This isn't straight people making fun of us, this is queer people making queer comedy. Watch it.

Arcane - Arcane's politics are all over the place and I am in my "Silco Was Right" corner, which is right next to the "Magneto Was Right" clubhouse. But goddamn, the animation is gorgeous and the story is intense.

The Legend of Vox Machina - I haven't watched Critical Role, so I can say with confidence that this show is fucking amazing even if you have zero interest in the original gameplay streams. Fantasy animation for grownups, where they can show blood and titties, my beloved. <3

[sillystarters]

it's always sunny in philadelphia season sixteen starter sentences.

starter sentences taken from episodes one - three from season sixteen of it's always sunny in philadelphia. part one of ??

have you ever seen teenage mutant ninja turtles ?

you spent close to $20,000 on a couch you never owned.

that's pretty bad business fellas.

now listen i have glued my hand to a door so they can't physically remove me.

you know, i know stuff.

that's money talk right there.

how much nut do you go through a month?

are you storing up your nut or are you blowing through it?

i'll give you fifty cents for a buck.

come, have a seat.

it was super cheap dude.

well listen, i don't really have any interest in your bulk tin of low end economy nuts.

yeah don't make a mess.

what's behind that door?

holy shit! what the fuck is this?

i wasn't tryin' to be crypto about it.

this is tits!

can i sleep in here?

we're gonna blow our shoes out with all this walking.

how is this not a big deal?

move past it dude, move past it man.

i really ultimately don't give a shit.

did you glue your hand to my door?

i can tell you're mad.

i can't deal with this.

and just leave me here all alone?

i don't wanna be a bad host.

you know what, this was a mistake.

i can't sleep.

what is going on with you dude?

what you workin' on there bud?

is that thing loaded, by the way?

get off my back.

you know what? screw this.

i am in the prime of my life.

okay so it was loaded, my mistake. don't be so dramatic.

it's not like anybody's in any real danger.

getting shot in the face is pretty cool.

i do care about the money though.

i got some bad news for ya, bud.

i figured you probably forgot too or something.

did you try to pull out your own teeth?

i'm so sorry.

i didn't have the heart to tell you.

those ungrateful bitches.

i can't believe you did this!

i'm not mad at you okay? it's fine.

you did make a mistake.

i didn't mean to upset you.

this is not working.

should we just attack him and take it?

shut up!

this is my worst nightmare in my entire life.

she burnt the shit outta me.

i got a little surprise for ya.

you wanna take it easy? goddamn. just one bite at a time.

ha! i almost ate my gun.

i hope everyone brought their appetite because i made quiche!

this is like, everything you've ever wanted.

that is ... sad.

this is so annoying.

alright, where to now?

a perfect day can't last forever.

what the hell are you doing?

you're outta control with that thing.

just barge right in okay don't be shy.

oh my god what are you doing here?

this is so distasteful.

asmr, dickweed!

how long has it been?

that's a definite pass for me.

this is a million to one shot and i've got a really good feeling about this.

our luck just turned around.

i don't wanna have my ass handed to me.

we have a problem.

whatever you do, don't laugh.

this is bad, dude.

what? why are you trying to break my door down at three in the morning?

i just wanted to ask if you could kindly keep the noise down.

this was very sweet of you to bake these for me.

it's a trophy, see? it says cunt of the year. that's you!

bad things are going to happen to you one day. i guarantee it.

you earned it!

we're not having bad luck, we're having good luck.

come here you rat! die!

it's time to make good on your end of the bargain.

what is your deal, man?

i'm going to beat you with my shoe!

we gotta take this seriously.

go make your apologies!

i'm done listening to this.

'just in case' is as good of a reason to believe in anything as any.

i don't believe in that bullshit.

well, that's not good.

that's a bad omen!

boy, that's a shame.

thank you for this.

i'm just trash right? that's what you said.

i got you a sixer!

i gotta show you something but you gotta keep it a secret.

you're not following.

it makes literally no sense.

a moment of your time?

i'm sorry your dad doesn't like you.

[screemnch]

The Pathologic Russian and English analysis: Artemy Burakh the Haruspex.

On this episode of “I am definitely not okay and dedicate my time to sillygoofy things” - we look at the Haruspex in the Bachelor's campaign. This alone took me a whole month, because there is a lot of funk happening in my life, so the Changeling will have to wait a little more. Anyway. Y’all maybe don’t know the drill quite yet, so let’s start at the beginning.

What is the Haruspex like in the English version? Well, discarding the “sweet but tired dad” persona that the entire fandom has assigned the poor guy, the impression I got while watching people playing through the game is that he is first and foremost a very impulsive person, and that, in a way, carries over to his speech. He’s also very cryptic to the other healers, in that ominous “you shouldn’t have done that” way. If I hadn’t read at least a bit of his dialogue lines for the previous analysis, I would have assumed that he’d be the one to use all those “rough” words every other sentence, since that’s how people from outside of the capital cities are usually portrayed. In the Bachelor’s campaign, he is almost like a goddamn cryptid, that tells you he doesn’t know what antibodies are and then presents you with a panacea on the very next day - he speaks very little and does not bother with niceties besides the honorary title. In the Changeling campaign, all those factors seem to be even more emphasised. Overall he acts even more distant, even more ominous and is even more threatening, since it’s seen through the eyes of a scared little girl (she’s also a miracle worker but we won’t talk about it now). Both of the campaigns are, of course, drastically different from what we have in the Haruspex campaign - which is where we get to see the whole “guided by the heart” thing in action. From the other two’s perspective, he is an ominous, potentially volatile, but still helpful figure. And his speech matches that exactly. So let’s get cracking.

As the Bachelor: the vibes are pretty consistent between the English and Russian version. The Haruspex is just as cryptic and curt in both of them, and doesn’t talk in the manner usually given to all these “rough and dangerous” types in Russian fiction. In all honesty, I think it’s the fact that his manner of speech is so simple and short that made translating it to English so much easier (or at least I think it was). Sadly, there is so little dialogue, that it also meant I barely get to talk about anything interesting, since what little there is to look at, is mostly accurate. But, when there ARE differences… Oh boy are those differences. So, you’ll see a little bit of other characters in this analysis as well because these interactions in the Bachelor campaign felt almost like an afterthought. Like, the writers knew how the wanted them to meet and part, so in the middle, they just used Burakh to be a tool for exposition, and not much else. Additionally, the “fairytale-like” way of speech that Artemy has in his own campaign seems to be gone here, and I can’t wait to see what happens to it with the Changeling. With all that being said, here is the more fun stuff: aka the snippets and screenshots! Once again, the chronological order is dubious at best, and most of this was written at two am in the morning, so I hope this isn’t completely insane.

Very interesting choices made in the translation here. First and foremost - instead of relying on his heart to guide him, the Haruspex specifically says that he is guided by “his love” which, depending on how consistent this change is, might strengthen the connection between several different themes. Now to the fun part - “it’s a shame we aren’t standing together.” I need you people to understand that I am trying to remain as impartial as possible when I write these, without inserting my own opinions of the story or anything. But, the much more word-for-word translation of that line would be “Pity, that we aren’t together.” And yes, people being “together” does also have the same connotation in Russian as it does in English. And while I understand that it’s mostly likely supposed to imply “allyship,” I think it could be worded a lot better, had the writers wanted to avoid misunderstandings.

Let’s focus on the last sentence here: in English, the Haruspex says he admires Rubin’s determination to help people. In the original version however, the sentence is “He deserves respect.” See, the interesting thing here is the difference between “I” and “everyone.” Where in the English version Burakh voices his personal approval of Rubin, in Russian it’s an unspecified, but general statement, which bears the implications that others should respect him as well. And while the difference itself isn’t too significant on its own, when paired with the fact that Rubin is someone who’s on the run from half of the town, it hits a bit different. 

Also, and I didn’t really know where to stick this, and maybe this could’ve waited until we actually got to Rubin as a character, but yeah. I wanted to point out specifically that the word “master” in Russian doesn’t have a dual meaning. Cuz, correct me if I’m wrong, in English this can both refer to a master of a certain activity (ie martial arts master) as well as a proprietor of something (ie master of the house). In Russian, however, the word “master” refers exclusively to a “master of their craft” type of people. A master of a property is referred to as an “owner”. The “Mistresses” in Pathologic are also referred to as “owners” (with a suffix that indicates female). This creates a bit of a confusion, because the word exists in both of the languages, but only shares some of the meanings. And uh… This is related to this quote because uh… Something-something recognition of expertise.

I’m personally a big fan of the themes of freedom, and how different people react to losing their freedom of choice, or dealing with the information that they were never free to choose to begin with. And that brings us to this little line, which I find particularly interesting. In the original Russian dialogue, Burakh says that he had already “lost” his freedom, in the way one loses something in a game. I feel this shines a different light on both how he eventually reacts to being told that he’s just a toy in a child’s game (he’s had to deal with disempowerment this whole time, it’s nothing new to him) but also with how he views his loss of freedom. Not something that some higher power has revoked from him, but rather something that he himselfs basically “gambled away.” In that sense, I can see the eventual reveal that everyone is simply a toy in a sandbox being a relief. In the way that it wasn’t his fault after all, that everything was predetermined, and that he couldn’t have carelessly lost something he didn’t have in the first place. Makes me wonder what the dialogue between these two would’ve been like if they’d met on the first day in this campaign.

I have a shamefully small amount of notes as I go through these, so I’m literally latching on to anything to talk about. I pointed out how dry and laconic the Haruspex is, but god DAMN if that doesn’t make for text that’s easy to translate - and that gives me less things to work with. For example this - a simple word difference in the last sentence that you couldn’t possibly translate properly without sounding illiterate. Because as it is - the translation is accurate in the last sentence. But that’s because “evil” in English is both a noun and an adjective. In Russian, however, the adjective for “evil” also makes for a synonym to “angry” and that doesn’t fit with the meaning conveyed here. Burakh calls Clara “evil itself” the embodiment of evil, all that shabang. It’s something that is recurrent in people talking about her, from what I’ve seen - people address her as a concept, and link her to more generalised ideas, rather than specific characteristics. Either way, it’s a fun thing to think about.

Hi, confused, I’m dad. I did a thing where I tried to read the English dialogue in its entirety first, because I wanted to avoid talking about information that was already accessible in English, and I remember being confused at this line, because… The cattle grounds were on the other side of the Gorkhon? Since when???? It didn’t make sense with the rest of the dialogue either, and the Russian version says “on this side of the Gorkhon” so… What gives? Assuming that the website is accurate (cuz if not, then I’d have to go and check in the actual game which would take hours to get to) does this then just mean it was a simple translation error? Or did the writers decide to change the lore as they were translating? It confuses me so much, because overall the game is well translated, so I don’t get how no one noticed that the meaning of the sentence becomes completely flipped here. Anyways, if you’re like me and that confused the hell out of you in English, just know that it makes sense in Russian and you can sleep soundly. Also, on the more chill note, there is no reference to a kraken in the Russian version, the deposits are compared to octopus tendrils.

I know this isn’t Bachelor time again, but I wanted to point out that there’s a switch back to the formal “you” here, and I feel like it throws a wrench into my previous theory. Or maybe it supports it. Let’s try to be objective here. The simplest explanation could be simply that this is a continuity break, that this was completely unintentional from the writers, and that I am trying to figure out why the curtains are blue in a situation where they are, indeed, just blue. But we like fun here, so let’s assume the curtains are blue for a reason. The real problem is whether this works with my previously established theory, or if it's for a completely different reason.

If we are going with the supposition that the Bachelor switches to formal “you” when he is uncomfortable (which some people found strange when I brought it up, but it’s a legit thing in Russian. Like, I do that sometimes when I want to place a little bit of professional distance between myself and whoever I’m speaking to, though sometimes the person might get upset if you do that) then one possible explanation would be that he is uncomfortable with the implications that this new knowledge has brought to light - a huge residential part of the town is sorta kinda maybe doomed. It could also be the overall dread of what the other piece of news would be.

On the opposing side of this argument is a somewhat mundane explanation that would bypass my theory completely. The idea that the switch to a more formal language was either an attempt to keep the conversation civil and “professional” at a spot where a conflict of interests could potentially emerge, or the possibility that it simply happened because sometimes a person doesn’t know where they stand, or what would be more appropriate in this situation, and opt for the safe formal version.

I do want to apologise, in case y’all don’t wanna hear these hypotheses of mine, I just thought it would be unfair to pretend like my explanations are the only ones out there, so yeah.

Welcome back to “mom pick me up, the translations are being weird again” this time - "my confidants are alive. Are you sure they’re alive? I see no problems." Perfect, flawless logic, I love. And while I understand that the original Russian version uses a very “ye olde” version of “if,” I still assume that the translating team spoke Russian and understood the meaning of the sentence. For context - the modern version of “if” in Russian is “если” (yesli). However, in this line, the Haruspex uses an older word “коль” (kol’), which implies a condition, or an “if” scenario. But the word itself isn’t extinct, people still understand what it implies, the same way native English speakers would know that “thou” means “you.” Like, I can’t imagine how the meaning got flipped in here, it just confuses me. Either way, the “I see no problems with that” is also kinda wonky, because it makes it sound like Burakh has no problem with the “my bound are alive - so I’ll be at the meeting” logic. In Russian, he specifically says “-I’ll come. I see no obstacles.” As in - there is nothing to stop me from doing so. Anyway, translation wonky, let’s see how the rest of it goes.

Now that’s an interesting difference. And a morbid one at that. This is the line where the Haruspex talks about his bound “rebuilding the settlement and turning their lives to become the angels of its foundation.” Which I interpreted more in the sense of - becoming the highly revered figures of the town, with lots of authority and responsibility - like angels. And I’m curious to see how y’all interpreted this, because I did not anticipate the Russian version in the slightest. And it’s this: “... my bound, that are destined to bring this town back to life and lay down their lives under its new cornerstones.” For one, I find it curious that both in English and Russian there is such a similar turn of phrase - because “lay down their lives” could have been translated almost word for word. But also… I am so confused. Is the sacrifice in this sense a literal one? Or does he simply mean a dedication to the town so strong that it could count as giving up one’s life? Either way, this is definitely a curious difference in translation, and I’m not sure what to make of it.

The interesting thing is… For the most part the “Are you aware that we turned out to be toys” dialogue starts the same in both the Haruspex and the Bachelor runs, only diverging in a few character-specific moments. This is one of them and… I don’t even know where to begin with this bit of dialogue, and not because it’s bad. I think it’s translated well, but there are about a hundred tiny little differences that change the vibe a little to the left, make some phrases more bitter and others more candid. For one the whole “take a closer look” in Russian is a direct invitation to compare the two healers, not an implied one. Secondly, instead of not being “a toy to keep” Burakh says that he (in a literal translation) “isn’t to be pitied.” But because Russian is a funky language, what this phrase actually means is - he doesn’t see himself as worth being concerned over, someone who, if sacrificed or given up, wouldn’t be seen as that big of a loss by others. Someone who others would readily discard, without feeling guilt, pity or sorrow. And I have big feelings about that. Additionally, the line about the Bachelor being “an entirely different thing” is kinda funny to me, because it’s a pretty long sentence in English, but in Russian it’s just… Four words, two of which are only two letters long. It definitely carries a different vibe, simply because of how laconic it is, it comes across as much more of an exclamation. In the closest to a literal translation while still remaining coherent, he says “You’re a different case!” which in turn conveys the vibe of “But look at you!” and while I think the translation does a great job at communicating both of them, they also lose the abruptness of the exclamation, which I think adds to the line.

Still not Bachelor hours anymore, but I wanted to point out that the “You’re having fun… Somehow I fail to join in” is a line that sounds sombre and distant, but the Russian version is “You’re laughing… But I don’t find this funny at all” and it has the wording of a child entering their “sulking mode” because someone made a lighthearted joke that they don’t get. Ok, maybe not that extreme, but there’s definitely a lot of bitterness to it, because the idea of being dolls clearly affects the Bachelor very heavily, and then he sees the Haruspex just being like “yeah we might be dolls. So what? You only care cuz you’re made of better materials anyway, lol.” And I imagine that’s pretty hurtful.

Reading this in English, I could practically feel the “there was supposed to be an idiom here, but it’s one of the ridiculous ones, so we had to translate the meaning instead” coming from this line - particularly the “not a single weak spot anywhere” part. And sure enough, the original Russian version says “...everything was done cleanly - a mosquito won’t sharpen its nose” (the nose, obviously being the proboscis). And while I am a big fan of Russian idioms, and was a proud owner of not one, not two, but three books on them as a kid, I’ve never actually heard of this one. The phrase itself means a job perfectly and flawlessly done, to the point where it can’t be improved upon. The leading interpretation to its origin is the idea that a mosquito’s proboscis is a perfect tool for its purpose - long enough to reach blood and thin enough that a person usually doesn’t even feel a mosquito bite until it’s too late. A mosquito’s “nose” could not be any thinner or sharper - therefore a mosquito won’t sharpen its nose.

God, how is it that in the series of dialogues that are the most dry and direct, in the few places where discrepancies are present, the discrepancies are the most confounding and meaning-altering ones? This is still from the dialogue in which the Haruspex and the Bachelor discuss Aglaya on the final day, and the choices in the translation are kind of confusing to me. The original line is “As far as I understand, in the orders given to her, the Powers That Be have concealed (or kept from her) the fact that they want to save the town specifically alongside the Polyhedron.” And while you can still get that implication from the surrounding dialogue, with the whole talk of “she would’ve caught on to the scent of foul play,” it’s still weird that this line was translated so differently. Because as it is, it creates the feeling that it was more of a “technicality” scenario. You know the trope: “I never said anything about so and so, therefore this little inconsistency is going to screw you over, should’ve read the fine print” etc. Almost gives this dialogue a sense of snark, while it’s the exact opposite. The English version weighs in more on the Powers That Be being cold and inconsiderate, while the Russian version is specifically aimed towards emphasising the idea that Aglaya is not to blame. You know. What this whole dialogue is about - Burakh “painting Aglaya as the victim.”

And that’s about all I’ve got for the Haruspex from the Bachelor’s point of view. There are a few things here that shine a new light on some of the themes, or specifically the relationship between Burakh and his sense of fate and control. The overall theme that there is always something higher up that is either in charge or to blame for the things happening, and that Artemy usually takes on as much responsibility as possible because there are only a few things that are truly up to him. Like, that’s why he doesn’t blame Aglaya for her spite or deception, and why he isn’t hostile to the Bachelor in this run - he sees both of them become disillusioned and spiteful, when they find out that all the decisions have been made for them. But as someone who’s never felt much freedom, from responsibilities and choices made and imposed on him by his father, to him being able to see the Lines and where they lead, he’s had to learn to be grateful and accepting of the little choices that he is allowed to make.

And while these closing remarks aren’t exactly exclusive to the Russian version, it just makes me understand the Haruspex ending better. Like, it took me a while to figure out why he’s the character who’s seen as the one “capable of being actually free” or whatever it is that the devs say to Clara (you). It’s because everyone else who is aware of their nature (except Clara, maybe, I’m not sure yet) is someone to whom this is a disheartening and devastating revelation - they become blinded with this knowledge and end up “acting out” exactly the way they were supposed to. Aglaya doesn’t manage to disobey or defy the Powers That Be, nor does Daniil. Yulia too - though she doesn’t know this is all a children’s game, her theory about the “tripwires of fate” is what ultimately traps her in the path chosen for her. The Haruspex on the other hand, not only had to grow up with the idea that he’s fated to become the Warden - serving the purpose of the Kin, but quite literally could see the way things are predetermined. The fact that they’re all dolls, to him, is just a different way of seeing the Lines. So it makes sense that the best ending in the Haruspex run isn't the Termite ending, but the ending of any of the other healers - because then he actually makes a choice. Exercises the little bit of freedom that he has. It's a very interesting progression, where as the Bachelor you , the player, can claim responsibility for his choices, as the Haruspex you can make a choice despite the game's predetermined nature, and then as Clara you get to do both. Throughout these campaigns, you are gradually gaining freedom from the constrictions of the game.

Either way, who knows how long it will be until Clara's point of view on the Haruspex, I certainly don't. But if there is any feedback or stuff, I'm always open to hearing it.

[bengiyo]

5 moments from 2023 BL that felt new or different?

I feel so much pressure to do a good job with this one. You're an OG. You've been in this game longer than me. I'm pretty sure you've actually seen more than me.

La Pluie Episode 6

Sure, we've had a lot of sex in BL in recent years. What's special about La Pluie is its willingness to release the sexual tension and explore the emotional space on the other side of that. Tai and Phat actually started making out on the goddamned floor, we got a sneak peak of Saengtai's bulge, and we mentioned that he was still aroused while they were sitting on the couch later. They also talked about what was going on between them and some of Tai's hangups. Usually these shows love to interrupt these moments because they don't know what to do with the characters once they bone. Not this show!

Jong Chan Adapting to Seung Hyun in The New Employee

This wasn't my favorite show of the year, but my man Jon Chan is one of my favorites of the year! I like that he was solidly in his 30s and looking for a partner. I like that he didn't exactly understand all of Seung Hyun's hang-ups about the ex, but decided to let that go and focus on building their future. His exasperation about this felt distinctly gay.

Jim and Li Ming's Relationship in Moonlight Chicken

I like calling Moonlight Chicken a gay family drama more than a BL because I don't think romance is the central driving factor of the show, but it feels like splitting hairs. What is my favorite part of this show is that the only "I love you" said in the show is between Jim and Li Ming. I love that the relationship between a gay man and his gay nephew feels like the heart of the show.

Seo Lee Joon being a Terrible Gay in Love Mate

I know a lot of y'all got your knickers in a knot over the way Ha Ram determinedly pursued Lee Joon, but I feel like we ignored how fucking rude Lee Joon was in this show. This man goes on the apps to flirt with people without making it clear he's only going to date them once before abruptly cutting them off and blocking them. This is mean! We are fucking gay! We have a hookup culture with its own language! This thing where he wants the flavor of first dates and sets up his dates for extreme disappointment is so mean. He was going to make a whole dating app about how bitter he was about his own breakup. This man needed to face his own issues, and I'm glad a stern dicking turned him around.

The Sex Scene in Candy Color Paradox

This is a show that tried and failed to punch above its weight. The leads were too inexperienced to carry a kinda dense script, and they got blown out of the water by the talented Izuka Kenta for about three episodes. It's really unfortunate because I think Kimura Keito and Yamanaka Jyutaro put in real work in this show. Their bed scene was probably the most stylish of the entire year. It is worth watching just that scene because it really stands out. Also, they discuss m/m acts the morning after in a way that felt refreshing.

Ask me Top 5 BL 2023 Anything

[rederiswrites]

So ME/CFS (myalgic encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and fibromyalgia are two syndromes (collections of symptoms often found together, with unknown causative mechanisms) with largely overlapping symptoms. They're currently classified as different diagnoses, but there are plenty of people who aren't convinced that they're actually different things. The biggest diagnostic difference seems to be whether the pain or the fatigue is the biggest problem.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who, like me, couldn't possibly say which of those is ruining my life more. I, like many, fulfill all the diagnostic criteria for both. I have the specific patterns of pain and inflammation characteristic of fibro, but I also have the postural orthostatic problems (Stand Up Feel Real Bad disorder) and extreme fatigue of ME/CFS. There's no test; diagnosis is an inherently subjective thing.

This is just gonna keep being about medical problems, so have a cut.

I also have problems that may be related or may be separate or may be part of the constellation of physical issues associated with ADHD, like loose tendons that lead to terrible core strength and janky joints. So while generally the pain spots for fibromyalgia are considered to have no actual material cause, I am pretty sure that my right hip and shoulder are in fact fucked up, and fibro is just making it experientially worse. I've also got a rib that spends more than half its time in just slightly the wrong goddamn place. I have multiple friends who have hypermobility problems that make mine look like a papercut, but combining them with fibro isn't a lot of fun.

A few months back, at my bestie's prompting and with his help, I started eating keto, which is essentially just restricting carbohydrates so harshly that they represent less than 20% (or less than 10%, this seems to be bioindividual) of your diet, at which point your body begins building energy transport molecules out of fat (ketones) instead of glucose. This has a history of treating several conditions (originally, seizures, but now also diabetes and inflammatory conditions), well before it became popular for weight loss.

It was an experiment. Believe me, I have mixed feelings about the fact that it worked. At first, it worked really, really well. I went from mostly bedbound to up and working full days outside. I've started to hit diminishing returns and having to nap more often, but it's still a radical improvement. I just forget how bad it was too fast. I hate how fast we forget how far we've come.

I haven't talking about it though, because I am so conflicted about restrictive diets as a thing. This started as an experiment, and as an experiment I could sell myself on no apples no potatoes no rice no crackers no no no no etc for a few weeks. After a few weeks I could decide whether it was worth it. And now here we are and it works.

But I've gone through So Much food restriction, starting when Phantom was two and we discovered that gluten fucks us both up. Then the Boy was sensitive to so many things as a baby that I cut out the entire Top Eight allergens (let's see, can I remember? Milk, eggs, peanuts, gluten, corn, soy, uhh....others...) for a year while he was nursing. Once you've cut wheat AND eggs AND corn out there is almost no commercial product you can eat and you have to prepare everything from scratch. With a toddler and a baby. I was literally starving. I used a calorie tracker for a while and found that I was nearly a thousand calories short per day, on average. I could barely think.

It's become a huge depression trigger for me. I tell people that my last major depressive episode was triggered by not being able to eat dairy, and I'm not kidding. I'm struggling with it now, too. Most of the time I'm good, but still, despite medication, I get very low and I just want to be able to fucking eat something tasty and comforting and EASY. I just want...cheese and crackers. A whole piece of fruit. A baked potato. Rice with my stir fry. But then I eat too much fucking watermelon and I can tell the difference in my wellbeing the next day.

Food becomes a minefield. Every meal becomes a struggle. You question every bite, every symptom. At least once a day the whole thing is just too annoying and I decide to just not eat, because fuck it. I dunno if it reaches eating disorder levels, but it's certainly maladaptive. I hate that I've gotten here because what you eat actually DOES matter. it's like the question of how you talk yourself out of anxiety when the world is objectively falling apart.

But I can do the things I love. I owe all this garden progress to not having had a glass of juice or a bowl of pasta in four months. Not to mention the abrupt cessation of all my dermatitis problems, frequent "silent" heartburn, a ton of digestive problems, migraines, most headaches, and more. "Nothing is worth risking depression" but is it though?

I'm holding on to the hope that these changes will allow me to heal. That I'll be able to make long-term progress, as many people say they have, and reintroduce restricted foods gradually. That I'll be able to cement the opportunity diet gave me with regular movement and conditioning and slowly claw my way up the spiral.

But on days when I feel like shit anyway, and I can't have some fucking chips about it....yeah. It's not great.

[pedrito-friskito]

strawberry wine - joel miller x ofc!liv stone/fem!reader

after - part twenty-five

series masterlist | main masterlist | read on ao3

you just have to keep going.

a/n: the big one. the biggest yet? I think? either way. this is pretty much the entirety of episode three in one part. I considered doing the rest of the story this way (one part per episode) but there's going to be a lot more added to the plot, so much more to come!

word count: 14.2k

warnings: if you've been reading this far, you know the drill, but explicit smut ahead!

✨@friskito-library for updates on new parts/works✨

You head west. Toward Lincoln. You walk for miles; maybe ten, if Joel had to guess. And the entire way, you don’t say a goddamn word. Not a single thing.

Ellie is uncharacteristically quiet the whole way, not a question or comment as you walk past the edge of the city, past what remains of the chain link fence you once told Joel was FEDRA’s original plan before the QZ was built. Ellie has your bat in her hands still, and she carries it silently, tapping her fingers against the metal softly, not hard enough to make any noise. You have Tess’s gun in hand, your grip on it so tight Joel is sure your knuckles are aching.

You walk through the forest until you’re all so tired you think you might drop. The night is cool, no rain to bother you, and you find a small clearing near the river to set up camp. Not that there’s much to set up. Ellie nearly collapses into the dirt, sprawling at the base of a tree, using her bag as a pillow. You go to shrug out of your jacket, stepping over and draping it over the kid. Joel follows suit, shrugging out of his own and putting it around your shoulders.

“Can’t risk a fire,” Joel murmurs to you, the two of you standing in the clearing. You ditched your bags once you found the spot, leaned them against a tree along with the bat, which Ellie had handed back to you, and the rifle. “Not this close to Boston.”

You just nodded in agreement, wrapping your arms around yourself. Joel rubs his hand up and down your back, and you turn to look at Ellie, completely passed out beneath Joel’s jacket. “What are we gonna do, Joel?” you whisper, your voice hoarse, and he can hear the panic in you. “What the fuck are we gonna do?”

“Exactly what we said we would. We go to Lincoln first. It’s a good hike, but we’ve done it before, we can do it again. We resupply, figure things out with Bill and Frank, and then…well, Tommy used to be a Firefly, maybe he can point us in the right direction.”

“We need to get to Lincoln as soon as we can,” you say, a slight waver in your voice, but you swallow it back. “We need to rest, to reset.” 

To mourn. 

It goes without saying, and Joel nods. He moves his hand to your shoulder, makes to pull you into his arms, but you move out of his grip instead of into it, turning to where your weapons are leaned against the tree. You pick up the rifle, and then head toward the edge of the trees surrounding you, toward where the river runs, the sound audible from where you’re standing.

“I’ll take the first watch,” you murmur over your shoulder, swinging the rifle up. “Get some rest.”

You never wake him. Sleep finds Joel easily, his body exhausted from the travel, but it’s the kind of sleep where he feels like he’s merely shut his eyes and opened them again, even though hours have passed. He closes his eyes on an inky black sky, and wakes to one filled with clouds, an almost lavender colour poking between the streaks of white.

The rifle is still missing from its previous spot beside your bat, and Joel knows gunfire would have woken him. But where are you? He gets to his feet slowly, every bone in his body aching with protest, leaning his good hand against a tree for a moment as he stretches out his back.

He walks over to where Ellie’s still passed out, and nudges her with his boot, just a light tap. She whines, hiding her face under his coat, and he taps her again. “Wake up, kid,” he grunts, rubbing his hand over his eyes. “Now.”

Following the sound of the river, Joel steps through the trees, bowing his head to watch his step until the water comes into view. Sure enough, there you are, sat right at the shoreline, your arms wrapped around your knees, which are pulled up to your chest. The rifle sits in the dirt beside you, and there’s a stack of rocks piled neatly, almost impossibly high.

“You didn’t wake me,” he calls, his voice hoarse with the morning. You jump, turn to look at him over your shoulder, and Joel’s heart squeezes at the tears on your face. “Liv, baby—”

“I didn’t see the point,” you reply, sniffling, wiping your cheeks with your sleeve. “I knew I wouldn’t sleep, figured one of us should get some good shuteye.”

Joel grimaces, squatting down beside you, looking out at the river. “Y’know, I always heard sleeping on the forest floor was good for your back. Load of shit.”

“Ellie awake?”

“I nudged her.”

You just nod.

“Liv,” he starts, and reaches his hand out.

“Don’t, Joel,” you grit out, nearly flinching away from him. “Just…if you touch me right now, I’ll start crying, and if I start crying now, I’m not gonna fucking stop.”

“Liv—”

“Don’t,” you repeat, your eyes brimming with tears as you stare back at him. “Please? Just…let’s just get to Lincoln, and figure out what we’re doing next.” You scramble to your feet, grabbing the rifle up off the ground. Joel follows suit, straightening his legs, and for a moment, he almost says fuck it and grabs you. But he doesn’t. He watches your eyes move up his body, landing on his face, and one lone tear slips down your cheek before you swipe at it. You hand him the rifle as you brush past, heading back up the bank to your camping spot.

He feels the loss differently than you do. He knows that. What he and Tess’s relationship had evolved into was vastly different than the closeness that had formed between you, but it didn’t mean he cared any less. She was Tess, steadfast and reliable, determined and headstrong. Just like you. How many times had he thought about that, before he made it back to Boston? How well he thought you and Tess would get along, the way the ferocity in each of you reminded him of the other.

And now, she’s gone. Just like that.

Joel waits a moment, looks out across the river, at the slowly rising sun, at the tower of rocks you’ve left on the shoreline. He bends down again, leaning some of his weight on the rifle, his knees creaking as he goes. He reaches into the water, hissing as the cold covers his hand. He closes his fingers around a smooth, flat stone and pulls it from the riverbed. It’s nearly a perfect circle, dark stone with a vein of white running through it. 

Carefully, ignoring the way his hand trembles as he sets it down, he lays the stone atop your tower. He pauses, makes sure it stays upright, and then rises to his feet again, slinging the rifle over his shoulder and walking back to the clearing.

You’re still on your way back, and his boots find the footprints you’ve left in the mud, matching your steps as you walk ahead of him. You’re both silent as you walk back up the slight hill to the camp, finding Ellie fully awake, sitting against one of the tree trunks. Her bag sits beside her, and your jacket is now draped across her knees.

Wordlessly, you walk across to where your bags are set at the base of another tree. You pull Joel’s jacket off and hand it to him before stooping to your bag, yanking open the zipper, digging through the contents. “You want your jacket back?” Ellie calls to you, but you don’t answer, pulling out the little parcel of dried beef from your bag. You unfold the paper, take a small piece before handing it to Joel. He snaps off a bit, refolds the paper, and then tosses it to Ellie. It lands at her feet, and she shoots him a glare as she reaches for it, the paper rustling. “I’ve never been in the woods,” she continues as you re-zip the bag. “More bugs than I thought.”

You don’t say a word, but Joel’s close enough to hear your slow exhale.

“Look, I’ve been thinking about—” the kid starts.

“Don’t, kid,” Joel calls, lifting a hand.

“Listen to me for a second,” she shoots back, and Joel sees the way your back straightens, your shoulders pushed back. Defensive. “I was gonna say that I’ve been thinking about what happened. Nobody made any of you take me. Nobody made you go along with this plan. You needed a truck battery, or whatever, and you made a choice.” Her eyes flick from Joel’s to yours. “So don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault.”

For a moment, the only noise around you is the river, bubbling in the distance. You brace your hands on your knees, slowly straightening, and Joel puts his hand on your back as you do, testing, seeing what your reaction might be. You surprise him by leaning into the touch, though he doesn’t miss the silvery line of tears along your lashes.

“She’s got a point,” you say, your voice still a bit hoarse as you turn to look at him. “We made a choice.”

It’s a loaded statement if Joel’s ever heard one. You made a choice. You both made a choice, all those years ago. Keep your secret safe, don’t let anyone — FEDRA, Fireflies, nobody — get their hands on you. Don’t let anyone take you from him. It’s the most selfish choice Joel’s ever made. He knows that. You both do.

But if you hadn’t, maybe Tess would still be alive.

Stubborn as he is, even he knows that’s not Ellie’s fault.

You made a choice, all of you.

“I’m sorry, kid,” you call, turning towards her. “It’s not your fault. It’s just…not what any of us bargained for.”

Joel snorts. “Ain’t that the truth.”

You both pick up your bags, you slide the bat between the straps, and Ellie gets to her feet, walking over to you with your coat outstretched towards you. You nod as you take it, pulling it on. “How much longer?” Ellie asks.

“Five-hour hike,” Joel answers when you glance at him.

“We can manage that.”

+

The weather holds up for your hike toward Lincoln. Joel leads, Ellie trails behind him, and you bring up the rear. You don’t miss the way Joel glances over his shoulder at you every once in a while, his gaze hard, and you just give him a slight nod each time.

Your head is a mess.

Tess knew. She knew almost the entire time, since Tommy fucked off to be a Firefly. That whole time, and she never said a goddamned thing.

Her final words echo through your mind, clear as a fucking bell.

It didn’t matter, Liv; it doesn’t matter. I knew Joel would never let them take you, no matter what it would fix, not if it wasn’t guaranteed, if it meant taking you from him. But now…this could be real. She’s real, Liv. The kid. She can fix it. Make up for all the bad shit we did.

These Fireflies out west, the ones looking for the cure, if they had more of you, would they have a better chance? Would the odds be better if they had two instead of one?

You shake the thought from your head as Joel looks back again, meeting your gaze. There’s a cut on his cheek, from your tussle in the museum yesterday, and you wish you had something to clean it with. You need to look at his hand again, too.

Take care of him, Liv.

You chew the inside of your cheek. You can let Ellie take your place, let her save the world, let her be the hero.

You can’t leave Joel.

The sun hides behind the clouds for the first leg of your journey, and once you’re out of the forest and on the open road, your trio falls into step with each other, Ellie in the middle of the two of you.

And fuck, does this kid ask a lot of questions.

“You’ve gone this way a lot?” she asks, the first thing anyone has said since you left the clearing. “No Infected?”

“We used it pretty regularly before,” Joel answers, but he doesn’t look at her as he says it, his head on a swivel, good hand tight around the rifle. “But recently, not so much.”

“What are you looking out for?”

“People.”

“Oh.”

She looks at you. “Are Bill and Frank nice?”

Before you can, Joel answers again. “Frank is.”

“Joel,” you chastise, shooting him a look. “They’re both nice. Frank is great, Bill is just more…practical.”

“Practical?” Ellie repeats, lifting a brow.

“Crazy, she means,” Joel quips, and you reach around Ellie, punching him in the arm. “Hey!”

The next question: “So are you two, like, married or something?” 

“We are,” you nod.

“For how long?”

You pause, realizing you’re not totally sure, and Joel answers yet again. “Thirteen years.”

Jesus, has it been that long?

Ellie looks at him, then back at you. “So you met after the outbreak?”

That sends something like a shock down your spine, and you and Joel look at each other over Ellie’s head. “No,” you answer, and for a moment, it’s 2001, you’re standing in the middle of the hardware store, and Joel Miller is standing in front of you for the very first time, asking for a quarter-inch drill bit in that lovely drawl of his. It’s a good memory, a happy one, one that time cannot ruin. Despite it all, the corner of your mouth lifts. “No, we knew each other before.”

Her head snaps back to Joel. “You said you were from Austin.”

“I am,” he tells her, but his eyes are still on yours. “That’s where we met.”

“Wait, so how long have you known each other for?”

“That’s a long story, kid,” you say, shoving your hand through your hair.

“Yeah, and this is a long fuckin’ hike.”

“Some other time.”

“Please?”

“Ellie.”

“Please?”

“Enough,” Joel barks, but it’s halfhearted.

Ellie sulks for all of thirty seconds before something else piques her interest. “How’d you get that scar on your head?” she asks Joel, tilting her head to the side to get a better look at it.

It’s like fucking whiplash, going from a happy memory to a god-awful one. Your side prickles with it.

Joel sighs, but it just spurs Ellie’s questioning. “What? Is it something lame? Like you fell down the stairs or something?”

“I didn’t fall down any stairs.”

“Okay, so what then?”

You’re staring at your boots, watching each step you take, trying to swallow down the guilt that has crept up your throat. You can feel Joel look at you before he speaks. “Someone shot at me and missed.”

“See, that’s cool,” Ellie replies, waving her hand in the air. For a moment, you think you may vomit. “You shoot back?”

“Yeah.”

“You get him?”

You swallow hard, kicking a rock out of your path. “No,” Joel says after a beat, “I missed, too. It happens more often than you think. Clipped him in the ribs, I think.”

“Shoulder,” you correct, and suddenly Ellie’s attention is on you.

“You were there?” she asks, incredulous, and you just nod. “Why’d they both miss? They suck at shooting, or just like, in general?”

Joel shakes his head. “In general.”

Ellie goes quiet for a long moment, looking at Joel and then back at you, back and forth again. “Y’know, I still have that spare hand.”

You’re about to say it’s not a bad idea, Tess’s pistol in the pocket of your coat, but Joel beats you to the punch. “No.”

“Okay,” she nearly whines. “Jeez.”

After about an hour more of walking, Ellie only pouting slightly, and a familiar gas station comes into view. The place is untouched, the only thing that’s changed over the years is the slow creep of nature taking back the space, the trees encroaching closer in on either side.

“Cumberland Farms?” Ellie reads out, her head cocked to the side as Joel heads for the door. “What are we doing here?”

“Got some stuff stashed inside,” Joel answers, rifle swinging from his shoulder.

“Stashed?” Ellie repeats. “Why do you have stuff stashed here?”

“Just in case,” you tell her, stepping over a crack in the pavement as Joel pushes the door open. “Like Joel said, we used to take this path a lot.”

“To get to Bill and Frank’s?” she asks.

“You ask a lot of goddamned questions,” Joel grumbles, and Ellie just grins.

“Yes, I do.”

As you step inside, Joel glances your way. “Shoulda grabbed her bag,” he says, his brow knitting together, and you don’t need him to specify. “We split the food between you and her, didn’t we?”

You just nod, opening your mouth as Ellie shouts, “No way!” She’s grinning the widest you’ve yet to see, beelining across the gas station to a large arcade game tucked in the corner. The glass is shattered in one corner, the whole thing covered in a thick layer of dust. She’s immediately hitting the buttons, rattling the joysticks. “You ever play this one?”

You and Joel just look at each other.

“I had a friend who knew everything about this game,” Ellie continues, and you find yourself staring at her back while Joel kicks a piece of wood out of the way, searching for the stash box. “There’s this one character named Mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth and then she swallows you whole and barfs out your bones! Oh, man.”

Behind you, Joel pushes a long-empty shelf across the floor, the metal squeaking. Ellie turns to look at you both, and you instantly look away, feeling caught.

Joel kicks at an empty can on the ground and Ellie rolls her eyes. “You forgot where you put your stuff.”

“No,” he quips, lifting his head. “I’m just…zeroing in on it. It’s been a couple years since we came in here.”

“Okay, well, I’m gonna take a look around, see if there’s anything good,” she replies, turning on her heel and heading towards the back of the gas station.

“Trust me,” you call out, “it’s all been picked over already. We cleared this place out back in the day.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” she replies, waving her hand in the air. Joel returns to his search, and Ellie turns back to you. “Is there anything bad in here?”

“Just you,” Joel calls back, and you smack his shoulder.

“Ah, getting funnier,” Ellie deadpans, and disappears through the doorway. A few moments pass, and you hear the scrape of metal.

“You okay in there?” Joel calls out, his brow crinkling.

“Yeah!” Ellie calls back, and he just shakes his head, pushing at the empty freezer in front of him.

“She’s a weird fuckin’ kid,” he grits, grunting as he shoves at the appliance. “So many goddamn questions.”

“If I was growing up in a time like this, I’d have a lot of goddamn questions too,” you reply, putting your hands on your hips, and Joel straightens with a sigh. “Where the fuck did we put that box?”

“I don’t know,” he replies, rubbing his fingers across his forehead. His hand drops, but a beat after it hits his thigh, he lifts it again, reaching for you. “Liv—”

You let him grab your hand, enough that his fingers thread through yours, knuckles locked together, but you shake your head. “Don’t, Joel. Please.”

“I just wanna—” I just wanna make sure you’re okay.

You’re not. It’s that fucking simple. But you can’t break down in the middle of the fucking gas station.

“I know you do,” you reply, squeezing his hand lightly. “Just…not here. Please.”

“Okay,” he grits out, and with a heavy breath, he lets go of his hand and reaches for his knife, kneeling down. “Let’s just find the box, then.”

You watch for a moment as he sweeps trash out of the way, a nearly white-knuckle grip on his knife. You want nothing more than to pull him up by the shoulder of his coat, haul him against you, bury your face in his chest. You want that warm, steady comfort he’s trying so hard to give to you, the thump of his heart against your ear and his arms tight around you.

It’s okay, baby. It’s gonna be okay.

But is it?

You crouch down to help with the search, rapping your knuckles against the cracked tiles, sweeping the debris out of the way first so you don’t cut yourself. You can feel Joel watching for a moment, but when you go to glance back at him, his eyes dart away.

Finally, you find a tile that sounds different than the others. “Joel,” you call holding your hand out for the knife, closing your fingers around the hilt. The blade hits the metal box with a satisfying clink when you jam it through the tile, and you use the blade to pry it up. “Jackpot.”

+

There’s a little bag filled with medical supplies in the box, and you reach for that first. Then you hand Joel the box of ammunition. He starts picking through it, fishing out the bullets that’ll fit his pistol, when he realizes there hasn’t been a sound from the direction Ellie disappeared in.

He hands you back the box, and curls his hand around the rifle, taking a step towards the door she went through. “Ellie?” he calls, lifting his hand in your direction, making you pause your movements. He can’t ignore the way his stomach drops. You call his name slightly, and he walks towards the door, calling louder now. “Ellie!”

“Picked over my ass,” she declares, appearing from the darkened doorway. She’s got a box of tampons in her hand, a smug smile on her face, and when Joel turns back, he sees you pop up from the floor, your jaw dropping when you see what she’s found. 

“No fucking way.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll share,” Ellie says, unzipping her bag and stuffing the box inside. “Least I can do.”

Joel returns to where you’re standing over the box. Sufficiently resupplied, Joel closes the box, fitting it back into the space it had been hidden, and, his dig through the box of ammunition proving fruitless for the larger gun, sliding the rifle in beside it. He can feel the kid watching him, and when he glances up, there’s something close to concern in her eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“There’s not much ammo out there for this thing,” he tells her, reaching for the tile you’d yanked up and fitting it back into place. “Makes it mostly useless.”

“Well, if you’re just gonna leave it there,” Ellie says, waving her hand at where the gun is now hidden.

Joel shoots to his feet, hearing you huff out your breath as he tells her firmly again, “No.”

He grabs his bag from where it’s laying on the ground, slings it over his shoulder. “C’mon,” you say to Ellie, reaching for your own bag. “Still a ways to go.”

It’s warmer, when you step back out of the gas station, leaving Cumberland Farms behind as you head back towards the road. Warm enough that Joel shrugs out of his jacket, stuffing it through the strap of his bag. It’s not long before you and Ellie follow suit, Ellie tying hers around her waist. After a bit of walking, Joel feels you move up toward his right, sensing your presence more than hearing your steps.

You put your hand in his, your fingers tightly wound together. He chances a glance in your direction, just a quick one, seeing the firm set to your jaw, your eyes trained on the path before you. He’s surprised enough at your touch. You’d allowed him the same back at the gas station, but only long enough to tell him not to push it further, not to give you the comfort that was trying to claw its way out of him like some kind of rabid animal.

He just wanted to make you feel okay. He knows good is a stretch, knows it’s a hard sell when he doesn’t have his bare body pressed to yours, every ache and pain soothed away by the way you writhe beneath him, feeling the same. 

Joel catches himself, reaching down with his free hand to adjust the waist of his jeans. Not the fuckin’ time. Or place. He’s starting to wish he’d made more of it, when he’d woke you early a few days ago, before the sun was up, before either of you had to even think about getting out of bed. He’d moved over you slowly, woke you with soft kisses along your jaw, gentle until your eyes fluttered and you made a little noise, roused by his touches. 

He should have kissed you longer, should have let his mouth trail lower than just your chest. He’d lifted the hem of your t-shirt, teeth scraping at the sensitive flesh of your breast, but he should have roved lower. He should have tasted you at the source, lapped at you until your legs were shaking around his ears, until he could slide into you with little resistance, the only place that’s truly felt like home to him.

Coughing, tugging at his jeans again, he squeezes your fingers, lifts your joined hands until he can press his lips to your knuckles. Behind you, Ellie makes a gagging noise. “You guys are kinda gross,” she says, and when you both turn your heads back to look at her, she’s got a funny grin on her lips. “But like, in a cute way.”

“Gee, thanks,” Joel deadpans, and beside him, you actually giggle.

“So will you tell me now how you guys—” Ellie starts to ask, but cuts herself off, coming to a stop as you reach a break in the trees lining the road. “Holy shit.”

Off in the distance, sprawled atop a large hill, is a plane. Or, what remains of one. The pieces are long decayed, the rusted-out metal visible even from where you’re standing. 

Ellie whistles out her awe. “You fly in one of those?”

“A few times, sure,” Joel answers. your fingers flexing in his grip.

“So lucky.”

“Didn’t feel like it at the time,” he tells her. “Get shoved into a middle seat, pay twelve bucks for a sandwich.”

“Dude, you got to go up in the sky,” the kid emphasizes, and you stifle your laugh.

He’s begrudgingly grateful, for this weird kid, that she distracts you enough from what’s happened to make you laugh. 

“So did they,” you mumble, looking away from the scene before you.

“Oof,” Ellie fake-winces, squinting at you. “Grim.”

The three of you continue down the path for a little while longer, and just when he’s starting to think he’ll have peace and quiet the rest of the way to Lincoln, the kid pipes up with more questions. She seems to notice his reluctance to answer, however, because she moves around to your side, interrogating you instead of Joel.

“So, everything came crashing down in one day?”

“Basically.”

“But how? No one was infected with cordyceps, everybody’s fine, eating in restaurants and flying in planes. And then all at once, it was over? How did it even start? If you have to get bit to be infected, then who bit the first person? Was it a monkey? I bet it was a monkey.”

You chuckle again, shaking your head. “They don’t teach you this in FEDRA school?”

She blows a raspberry. “Yeah, they don’t teach us how their shitty government failed to prevent a pandemic.”

You’re quiet for a moment before you start giving her the spiel. “No one really knows where it started, or really how, but the best guess is that cordyceps mutated. It got into the food supply, some kind of basic ingredient like flour, something that was in basically everything. And certain brands of food were sold all across the country, all over the world even. Bread, cereal, pancake mix, that sort of thing.”

At the words pancake mix, Joel grips your hand tighter. You don’t flinch, squeezing back.

“They figure, if you eat enough of it, then it’ll get you infected. So all this tainted food hits the store shelves around the same time Thursday, people bought it, ate it that night, or the next morning, and the day went on. People started getting sick, started turning, and by the evening, it was worse. They started biting, started attacking people.”

“Were you attacked?”

You go quiet, but from the corner of his eye, Joel sees you nod. “My boyfriend at the time, Dean. I was out celebrating my birthday, and I came home and found him, just standing there. Then he started twitching, then he lunged at me. Gave me this.” Joel turns just in time to see you pulling back the strap of your bag and the collar of your flannel, letting Ellie see the scars on your shoulder, the jagged lines Dean had left in your skin.

“Shit,” the kid curses. “That’s intense. You killed him?”

Another nod. “With my bat.”

Ellie’s jaw drops. “That’s…pretty badass, actually.”

You bark a laugh. “Thanks, kid.”

“Wait,” she says, lifting a hand. “It was your birthday?”

“Yep,” you answer, nodding again. “Joel’s too.”

“No shit.”

“Shit. Friday, September 26th, 2003. My twenty-fifth birthday. By Monday, everything was gone, and they started dropping bombs not long after that.”

Ellie finally settles into silence for a moment before she says, “It makes more sense than monkeys. Thanks, Liv.”

“You’re welcome, kid.”

He’s been distracted as you’ve walked, listening to the sound of your voice, trying to catch any dip or crack that might give him space to swoop in, take over, make you feel safe again. Even if he doesn’t really want to answer the kid’s incessant questions, he can do it for you, if he has to. But you haven’t wavered, and Joel feels that begrudging gratitude take up a more permanent residence in his chest. At least, while the kid is still around. 

And then he realizes where you are. 

“Wait,” he calls out, and both of you stop in your tracks, you holding your arm out to stop Ellie from taking another step. “We’ll cut across the woods here.”

“Isn’t the road easier?” Ellie asks, glancing between the both of you. Joel sees the realization on your face, and you sigh.

“Yeah, it is, it’s just…” You trail off, clearly not quite sure what to tell the kid.

Joel finds the words before you do. “There’s stuff up there you shouldn’t see.”

She grins. “Well, now I have to see it.” And with that, she ducks under your raised arm, continuing on down the path.

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to,” Joel grits out, and pulls you to step after him, following her. “I’m serious, Ellie.”

She tilts her head back, calling back to the both of you. “Can it hurt me?”

“No,” Joel calls back, hearing you sigh after. 

“Not in the way you’re thinking of,” you say, rubbing at your brow. “Ellie, wait, just—”

“You guys worry too much,” she calls, picking up her pace a bit. “Besides, if you really wanted to stop me, you should have said axe murderer.”

You heave a sigh as she continues on, almost at the spot you didn’t want her to be. Joel’s spine tingles as you come up to the bend in the road. He still remembers the first time you found this spot, the first time you had gone to Bill and Frank’s.

“Uh, whatever it is,” Ellie yells back to you, “I think it’s gone.” But then her steps slow, her attention dragged off the side of the road, and Joel’s fingers squeeze around yours.

As you come up behind her, stopping when she turns to look at you, Joel answers the question before she even asks. You were the one to tell him the story, and after just rehashing your own experience on the day of the outbreak — and saving him from telling his own, he realizes — he can tell the kid this.

“About a week after Outbreak Day, soldiers…” 

He trails off for a moment. It’s hard not to imagine Cowan’s face as his eyes are pulled towards the ground. You had been adamant that Nick hadn’t been a part of it, but Joel had never felt like the soldier was telling you the entire truth. That, and a bullet to the head, and Joel is more than a little biased, but…

He sighs, continuing. “They went through the countryside and evacuated the small towns. Told you you were goin’ to a QZ, and you were, if there was room. If there wasn’t…”

The words trail off again, and his eyes can’t pull away from the bones in the dirt, the few scraps of clothing still tethered in the earth.

“These people weren’t sick?” Ellie asks, her voice snapping on the words.

“Most likely no,” you answer, and Joel feels your body turn against his, both of your hands now wrapped around his. 

“Then why kill them? Why not just leave ‘em be?”

“Better dead than infected,” you reply. “At least, that’s the way FEDRA saw it.” You turn your face away from the body pit. You reach out and tug on the handle of Ellie’s backpack. “C’mon. We should get going. Almost there.”

+

You’re more and more nervous, with every step you take.

Joel notices, gripping your hand a little tighter. You haven’t let go for hours at this point, and your palm is sweaty against his, but he doesn’t seem to care, and neither do you. Depending on what you find beyond the gate, you know he’ll be the only thing to keep you upright.

What if they’re dead? What if they’re dying?

You can’t decide what option is better. Which is worse.

As you round that final corner, the gate Bill built around the small town coming into view, your breath catches in your throat. Nature hasn’t let up anywhere, but when you were still visiting, Bill and Frank had always kept everything trimmed back — Bill more than Frank, but you knew the latter had a penchant for instructing the former what needed attention.

But now, plants crawl across the top of the fence, wrapping through the wires. Long-dead, thanks to the electrical current, but left in place, unbothered by the inhabitants of Lincoln. Your mind spins. It could be that Bill just couldn’t be bothered with it anymore, that his old knees couldn’t take the hike up the ladder. Maybe he’s got a laundry list of things for Joel to do now that you’ve come back.

The hum of the fence is familiar as you approach, the DANGER: HIGH VOLTAGE sign split in half, whether by the decay of time or by something else, you can’t be sure.

Joel squeezes your fingers before letting go, murmuring to you and Ellie to stay in place as he walks up to the gate, reaching out a cautious hand to enter the code. Bill told you long ago what it was — 37265, F-R-A-N-K — in case you ever needed to come in when they couldn’t let you in. The man really had thought of everything.

Your shoulders sag with relief when the fence beeps open, Joel pushing the gate inward to let you all inside. Something inside you snaps, and the moment you’re through the gate, you’re off like a shot, striding with purpose toward the old house. All around you, Lincoln shows signs of abandonment, overgrown grass, leaves littering the sidewalks and streets. One of the fence gates at another house bangs against its latch in the wind.

Behind you, you hear Joel call your name, his boots picking up the pace to match yours, but he doesn’t catch up until you’re standing in front of Bill and Frank’s home. It looks less unkempt than the rest, but the flowers on either side of the low front gate are wilted, the steps nearly brown, petals covering the ground beneath. It’s not promising.

Joel catches your arm. “Let me go in first,” he tells you, his voice low, but you shake your head, shake off his grip, and stride up the walkway to the porch.

The door’s unlocked. It creaks open when you push it inward, the sunlight streaming through the doorway. Joel steps up behind you, Ellie behind him, and you step inside slowly, through the small foyer, stopping at the base of the stairs.

It’s quiet. Too quiet.

Joel turns toward the dining room and you toward the living room. The air feels thick with dust, the complete opposite of the homeliness you’re used to feeling the moment you walk through that door.

“What the fuck?” Ellie murmurs.

It’s only a beat after that Joel calls, “Bill?”

You step into the living room, seeing Frank’s half-done painting on the easel, the beginnings of Bill’s likeness looking back at you. “Frank?”

Nothing but quiet.

Your stomach twists, and you can feel Ellie looking at you. There’s a streak of concern in her eyes, and you lift your hand in her direction. You pull out your gun, and Joel follows suit. “Stay there, okay? If you hear anything, if you see anything, yell for one of us.” She doesn’t say anything at first, and you prompt her. “Clear?”

“Clear,” she repeats, nodding. But then her voice drops. “What if they’re gone?”

Then it’s just one more nail in my coffin, kid. That’s what you want to say. Instead, you say nothing, turning on your heel and striding towards the back of the living room. There’s a thin layer of dust on everything, every surface you look at. Distantly, you hear Ellie tap at the piano keys, and it sends a chill down your spine.

The living room leads you back and around to the kitchen, and you find Joel there, looking through the back door, the small greenhouse and the garden beyond it. It’s not as overgrown as the rest, but most of the garden is dead, threads of ivy climbing up the glass of the greenhouse.

“Anything?” you ask, willing your voice not to crack on the question.

He shakes his head.

Joel follows you out of the kitchen, into the hallway that runs the length of the stairs. There’s a bedroom on the lower level; when the stairs got too much for Frank, they moved downstairs. You lift your hand and knock on the door, the sound echoing on the other side.

Nothing.

Joel’s hand lands on your shoulder and your hand drops to the handle. Unlike the front door, it doesn’t give when you twist the knob. “Liv,” Joel says quietly, his fingers digging into your shoulder slightly. “Baby.”

The front door slams shut all of a sudden, moved by the wind, and you both flinch.

It goes without saying, now.

They’re gone.

You both look back to the front door, Ellie nowhere in sight, and despite the heartbreak that’s sweeping through you like a tidal wave, your instincts kick into gear, and you step out of Joel’s grip, calling the kid’s name as you make your way to the door. “Ellie!”

“In here,” she calls as you step into the foyer, and your head turns in the direction of her voice, finding her sitting in one of the dining room chairs. You hadn’t noticed before, but there are two plates set at the end of the table, the remnants of food on them long moulded over, flies buzzing around. Twin wine glasses stand between the plates, and there’s a small empty baggie on the table.

They’re gone.

Your attention turns back to Ellie, you force it there, seeing the folded piece of paper in her hands. Joel’s steps creak as he comes up beside you, reaching for your hand as Ellie says, “It’s from Bill.” You both put your guns away. There’s no need. Ellie reaches for the torn envelope on the table. “To whomever, but probably Joel. I figured I fell under ‘whomever’. There’s this, too.”

She picks up another envelope, this one unopened, and extends it toward you. Along with it, a car key.

“It only has your name on it. And the key was in this one.”

You both drop your bags, you lean the bat against the wall. Joel takes the key, and you take the second envelope. Your hands are shaking as you do.

“So they’re…?” you trail off, unable to say the words as Ellie looks back at Bill’s note. Dead. She gives a tiny affirmative noise. You inhale sharply, your fingers crinkling the envelope, and Joel reaches for your free hand. She extends the paper towards Joel, but he shakes his head.

“You read it.”

You don’t know if you can handle this. But you have to.

Ellie clears her throat, and starts to read.

+

August 29th, 2023.

If you find this, please do not come into the bedroom. We left a window open so the house wouldn’t smell, but it will probably be a sight. 

I’m guessing you found this, Joel, because anyone else would’ve been electrocuted or blown up by one of my traps. Hehehehehehehehehehehehe.

Take anything you need. The bunker code is the same as the gate code but in reverse.

Anyway, I never liked you. But still, it’s like we’re friends almost. And I respect you. I respect the love you have for that girl. You’ve done right by her, and I know you’ll keep doing it. So I’m gonna tell you something because you’re probably the only person who will understand.

I used to hate the world, and I was happy when everyone died. But I was wrong, because there was one person worth saving. That’s what I did. I saved him. Then I protected him. That’s why men like you and me are here. We have a job to do. And God help any motherfuckers who stand in our way.

I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. The truck is in the garage, and there are guns in the bunker. Use them to keep Olivia and Tess safe, until such time you decide you’ve had enough. At that point, I recommend pairing 40 Vicodins with a nice Brunello.

Good luck, Joel. You’re gonna need it. 

Bill

+

There are tears on your face, sliding down your cheeks unbidden, and Joel feels his own emotions crawl up the back of his throat.

Wordlessly, you tear into the envelope in your hand, pulling out the folded paper within. The note is shorter than Bill’s, the handwriting scratchier, letters falling off the pages in some places. Joel can only watch as your eyes scan over the words, again and again and again. The tears come harder. He wants to reach for you — he needs to reach for you — but before he can get a grip, you slap the paper again his chest and turn on your heel, bolting out the front door.

+

My sweet Liv,

This letter will not be as long as I would like. My hands are not cooperating lately, and I’m sure I’ll have to come back and finish this more than once. It’s okay. I’m old. This is just the way things are.

I hope you find this, someday. I could be writing to no one now. It’s been a while since we heard from you, since we were able to speak, and god, I miss you, Liv. I wish you and Joel and Tess had come when you had the chance. I wish we could have stayed closer, lived together.

But I can’t waste my time on what could have been. I know what you find here will hurt, and for that, I’m sorry. But you have to know, I had a good life. Were there bad days? Of course. The world ended, after all, and yet I still managed to make the most of it.

Take care of Joel. Promise me that you won’t ever stop paying attention, that you’ll keep showing him you love him. He’d move heaven and earth for you, and I know you’d do the same for him.

It might not feel like it now, but things will be okay, Liv. I promise.

All my love,

Frank x

+

“Stay here,” Joel tells Ellie. He doesn’t wait to see if she nods, he’s already out the door, Frank’s note crumpled in his hand. He steps out onto the porch, onto the walkway, and that’s when he sees you, on your knees in the grass, nearly crumpled forward.

He calls your name, but you don’t seem to notice. Even as he runs for you, moving in front of you, dropping to his knees, taking your face in his hands, you barely flinch. Your face is soaked with tears, your eyes squeezed shut, hands clawing at your shirt, pulling at the material. “I-I can’t—” you choke out, and you slump forward when he grabs your wrists, tugging your arms around his shoulders.

Your face pressed into his chest, he feels his shirt cling to his skin in an instant, wet with your tears. He fits his arms under yours, keeping you upright, keeping you against him.

“Liv, baby,” he murmurs, his cheek pressed to your temple. “Baby, you gotta talk to me. Let me help you.”

“Tess knew,” you blubber out, lifting your head so fast you nearly knock Joel in the chin. Your eyes are bloodshot, your lashes clumped together. “Tommy told her before he left with the Fireflies. She knew the whole goddamn time what I am, Joel, and she never said a damn thing. And if I hadn’t been so fucking selfish all these years, she could still be alive!”

Joel shakes his head, lifting his hand until he can cup your cheek in his palm. “No, baby, that’s not what—”

“Yes, it is! If I’d given myself over when it first happened, everything could be different now! This all could be over. It—”

“Or you could be dead!” Joel snaps, and he has both hands on your face now, forcing you to look at him. “They could have killed you for it, or what if it didn’t work? What if nothing changed? We made a choice, Liv. Tess made a choice. Bill and Frank, they—” He cuts himself off, dropping his chin to his chest. The sob you let out rattles his ribs. “We made choices, baby. Choices to stay alive, to stay together.”

Your eyes slip shut again and you nod between his hands, but another sob falls from your lips, your hands moving down to fist in the front of his jacket. “It hurts, Joel. It hurts so fucking bad and I can’t breathe and it just hurts and I—”

“I know, baby,” he murmurs, and pulls you close again, his mouth at the crown of your head. He puts his arms back around you, one around your middle, one across your shoulders. Slowly, he rocks you side to side, humming against your hair. “I know it hurts. It’ll pass, I promise you. You gotta give it time, you hear me? You’ll be okay.” He pauses, inhales sharply when you whimper. “We’ll be okay.”

He’s not sure how much time passes, the two of you kneeling there in the grass, but his joints start to protest after a while. Your sobs subside, your breathing levelling out to an almost normal pace. You don’t let go of him, your hands still locked in his jacket. But your head tilts back against his chest, until his mouth is resting on your forehead.

“What are we gonna do, Joel?”

He rubs his hand across your shoulders. He’ll hold you as long as he has to, to make you feel safe, make you feel okay. It’s just as much for you as it is for him. “We stock up, take what we can. We go find Tommy. That was always the plan, anyway.”

“What about the kid?”

“Tommy might know someone, somewhere we can take her. If not, we find a way to radio Marlene, find a new place to meet, something. We’ll figure it out. Always do.”

Your eyes slip shut again, your arms lowering slightly so you can sling them around his waist. Your face fits into the curve of his neck, and he squeezes you softly. 

“I promise you, baby,” he murmurs to you, lips grazing whatever part of your face he can reach. “We’ll be okay. I’ll keep you safe.”

“And I’ll keep you safe.”

Slowly but surely, you both get to your feet, and while you start in the direction of the front door, the double-door garage to the side of the house catches Joel’s attention. When you lift a brow, he pulls the car key from his pocket, and you follow his lead, walking towards the garage. You pull one of the doors open, and Joel steps inside, looking for a light switch. Fluorescents buzz in their sockets above the covered truck, and you both tug on a corner of the tarp, revealing the blue-and-white painted Chevy.

Joel pops the hood first, to see what he’s working with, and everything in him deflates when he sees what’s missing. He lets the hood slam shut, braces his hands on top of it. “What is it?” you ask, busying yourself with shoving the tarp into a corner of the garage.

“No fuckin’ battery,” he grits out, and your face pinches.

“There’s gotta be something around here,” you say, walking around the truck. “This thing’s in decent shape, and there’s no way Bill would have left it to us without it—”

His attention is caught over your shoulder, an old fridge pushed against the wall, stacked with bottles of different cleaning solutions. He steps around the truck, around you, and yanks the fridge open. Sure enough, everything he needs to make a battery is inside.

Joel can’t stop himself from smiling. Fuckin’ Bill. Really did think of everything.

You step up behind him, peering over his shoulder and into the fridge. “You know what you’re doing there, baby?”

“I do, actually,” he says, starting to pull the ingredients out of the fridge, a jar of sulphur, the plastic pieces of the battery itself. “Had a friend back in Austin that showed me how to do this.”

It doesn’t take him long. You hover at his shoulder the entire time, watching him work, asking the odd question, your brow furrowing as he connects the battery to the charger. You’re committing the steps to memory, Joel realizes as he finishes up, as you recite everything he just did back to him. He can see it for what it is — a distraction — but he nods along anyway, corrects you when you mix up the second and third steps.

You start over, counting the steps off on your fingers as you try again, and Joel turns to you, takes a step towards you, which has you stepping back once, then again, until your back is pressed to the truck. 

“Liv, let me kiss you,” he murmurs, reaching up and bracing his hands on either side of you, fingers curling against the roof of the truck. He has to; he needs to. The desperation bubbles to his surface, lurking just beneath his skin. You’re the only one he can be like this with, the only one who can see through that hard mask he’s been wearing since you left the QZ. His emotions are getting the better of him — grief, pain, desperation, fear. He feels them all.

But he just really wants to feel you.

“Please,” he begs, and a beat later, your fingers hook into his belt loops, tugging him against you, one of your legs sliding between his. He bends his elbows, hearing the truck creak slightly as he pushes his weight against it, against you.

Slowly, your chin lifts, drops. A nod. Yes.

Your lips taste like salt. It makes him groan. Tilting his head to the side so he can kiss you deeper, one hand coming off the truck to bury in your hair, fingers twining in the strands. He feels you melt, slightly, a chip in the shell that has formed around you in your grief. 

He feels the same, feels like everything that’s wrong, everything that makes him hurt, is gone, the moment his lips find yours. It feels heightened, the weight of the last few days nearly making his knees buckle, the loss of Tess, the revelation of Bill and Frank. It feels like too much, but for just a moment, he can forget.

You moan when he flicks his tongue against the seam of your lips, asking. Your hands move up, unhooked from his belt to slide beneath his shirt, the flannel bunching over your wrists as you slide your palms over his stomach, glancing across the scar on his hip. Your fingers flatten against his ribs, and he tugs on your hair lightly, tilting your head back, groaning when you sink your teeth into his lower lip. 

Joel pushes forward again, until his hips are nearly flush with yours. Your thigh tightens between his legs, rubbing against the seam of his jeans, and the feeling makes him choke, mouth tilted away from yours as his breath hitches, suddenly feeling like a touch-starved teenager. “Joel,” you whisper, one hand skirting around to rest against his spine, the other moving down to his belt buckle. Your fingers curl behind the metal, knuckles scraping his lower stomach. “We should—”

He cuts you off with another kiss, wanting to taste you more, lick the salt from your lips. You let him, tugging on his belt, moaning when he drops his hand from your hair and lets it rest at the base of your throat. Joel drags his mouth along your jaw, nipping at the space below your ear, where your skin is thin, and he can feel the thump of your heartbeat against his lips.

“Joel,” you grit out, leaning your head back until it’s resting against the truck. It gives him better access to your neck, lets him lick a strip up your throat. “The kid—”

“—can’t hear us,” he finishes for you, the words mumbled into your skin. “I wanna—”

“We’ve been out here a while,” you cut him off, and Joel sighs, moving his hand from your collar, replacing it with his forehead. He braces his hands on the truck again, but you give yourself away, pushing your thigh slightly against the bulge in his jeans once more. “She’s gonna think we ditched her.”

“She can wait one more minute.”

“Joel.”

He sighs, but relents, leaving one last kiss on your lips before he tugs on your hand and pulls you out of the garage and back towards the house.

+

You find Ellie in the same place you’d left her, sitting in the chair at the dining room table. When you and Joel step through the doorway, her head shoots up, dark eyes moving between you both.

You’d nearly frozen on the porch, the weight resettling. Joel had done his best to chase it away — in fact, your lips still tingled with his efforts, a shot of heat between your legs you’re doing your best to ignore for the time being — but the moment you stepped through the front door, it had spiked again. The plates at the end of the table, the empty wine glasses, they didn’t help matters.

“Is everything okay?” Ellie asks, her voice low as she gets to her feet. “Do you have a plan?”

“Joel just made a battery for the truck Bill left,” you answer. “It’s charging right now.”

“Okay.”

“I have a brother out in Wyoming,” Joel says, and you glance at him, squeeze your fingers around his. “He’s in some kind of trouble and we’re heading out there to find him. He used to be a Firefly, and my guess is, he knows where some of ‘em are out there. Maybe they can get you to wherever this lab is.”

“All right,” Ellie nods, her eyes still darting between you and Joel. Then they drop to her hands. “Listen, you guys, about Tess, and Bill and Fr—”

You lift your hand, cutting her off. “I need you to listen to me, Ellie. If we’re taking you with us, there are ground rules.”

“Okay.”

“Number one, you don’t talk about what happened to Tess. We don’t talk about what happened to Tess. You understand?”

“Yes.”

“Two, you don’t tell anyone about what happened to you. If anyone sees that bite mark, they’re not gonna think twice. They’ll just shoot you, and there won’t be a damn thing either of us can do to stop it. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“And three, if Joel or I tell you do to something, you do it. No questions asked. You do what we say, when we say it. Are we clear?”

“Yes.”

“Repeat it.”

“What you say goes.”

Joel’s fingers twitch against yours, and you share a look, something in you deflating as you sigh. “Okay,” he murmurs, nodding to you.

“So, what now?” Ellie asks.

“We stock up,” you say, repeating what Joel had said to you earlier. You glance at him. “How long will the battery take?”

“Couple hours,” he replies, and lifts his hand, moving it to the back of your neck. “Enough time to rest for a bit. Find some food maybe. I wanna know what’s in that bunker.”

“You and me both.”

It was the one place Bill never let you see. It was his boundary, and you respected it. But you couldn’t lie; the curiosity was getting the better of you. The three of you make your way down to the basement, Joel pulling up the set of drawers that makes up most of the ladder. There’s a grate over the opening, a keypad embedded into the floor, and Joel crouches down, enters the code. It slides open a second later, and he heads down first, you following, Ellie after you.

“Ho-ly shit,” the kid mutters, as Joel flicks on the lights, illuminating the wall of guns, the shelves of first aid and cans of food. She bee-lines for the weapons, and you move towards the stack of security screens, the computer that played your coded songs over the radio. “This guy was a genius.”

“That he was, kid,” you agree, tapping at the keyboard. Joel moves behind you, puts a soft hand on your back. “That he was.”

“Why was the music on?”

“If Bill didn’t reset the countdown every few weeks, then this playlist would run over the radio and we’d hear it back in Boston.” 

Ellie leans over the desk, peering at the screen. “Eighties.”

You tilt your head to the side. How does she know what the code was? You turn to Joel, who just grits his teeth, pointing toward the shelves lined with food at the back of the bunker. “Grab some cans from over there,” he tells her. “Nothin’ dented or swollen.”

She nods, going to do as he asks, but pauses at the wall of guns again. “Can I—?”

“No,” Joel says instantly. Ellie’s eyes slide to you for a second, but you say nothing.

“There’s a wall of them.”

Joel glares at her, and puts her hands up in surrender. As soon as she’s across the room, you turn to him. “How did she know about the code?”

“Back in Boston,” he tells you, a slight flare in his cheeks. “She found the songbook, asked me what the code was, what eighties meant. I didn’t wanna tell her, but she figured it out on her own. Said she heard a fuckin’ Wham! song while I was asleep. I panicked.”

You can’t help your grin. “Smart kid.”

The rest of the afternoon finds you searching the house. You steer clear of the closed bedroom at the end of the hall, and Ellie follows you around like a puppy, letting you take the lead as you look through cupboards and closets.

Rolls of toilet paper, cans of soup and veggies and the like, paper towels, first aid supplies, camping gear. You stack everything near the front door, piling it into bags Joel finds in the garage. 

Bill must have emptied out the boutique since you were last here, because Joel unearths boxes of clothes in one of the upstairs closets, finding a few boxes filled with ammunition in the process. You and Ellie pick through them while Joel goes hunting for more bullets, pulling out t-shirts and sweaters. You both reach for the same red t-shirt and Ellie freezes, her brows shooting into her hair. You concede, pushing the shirt towards her. “You take it, kid.”

“Thanks,” she mumbles, staring down at the fabric. “Liv, can I ask you something? It’s not about Tess, I promise.”

You reach for another shirt, inspecting it for a second before tossing it aside. Not your size, or your style. “Shoot.”

“How did you find Bill and Frank?”

The question settles over you like a blanket. It’s a harmless question, warranted even, and you can’t fault Ellie for her curiosity, especially after your reaction to their letters. She’s owed some answers.

But your moment of hesitation must show on your face, because she’s instantly backtracking. “I-I’m sorry, you don’t have to tell me. I’m just—”

“No, it’s okay, kid,” you say, picking up a patterned fleece sweater. “Really.” She actually smiles, and you return it. “You ever heard of Fleetwood Mac?”

You tell her the whole story, how you found Frank on the radio, your first meeting, the trading you kept up over the years.

The friendship you held so close to your heart.

“Were you always a smuggler?” she asks, having taken a seat at the edge of the bed. You moved on to another box, men’s clothes, trying to find something for Joel. 

“Pretty much,” you answer, pulling out a green plaid shirt that looks oddly familiar. “Well, I wasn’t before the outbreak, but after everything went to shit, it was kind of my only option.”

“What about before the outbreak?”

“I worked in an office. Sat at a desk all day, it was kinda boring, to be honest.”

“Is that where you met Joel?” You shoot her a look, your brow raising slowly. She’s full-on grinning now. “You said it was a long story, and you said I could ask you something.”

“You already asked me something. Many somethings.”

“C’mon,” she groans, flopping back on the bed. “Please?”

You blow out a breath. “Fine. Joel and I met…” You trail off, squinting. “Twenty-two years ago, in a hardware store in Austin.”

“A hardware store?”

You nod, unable to stop yourself from smiling at the memory. “My grandparents owned one in Texas, and when they died, my parents took over. I had just finished college, and I was home for the summer, so I helped my dad out around the store. Joel came in one day and that was how we met.”

“And you’ve been together ever since.”

Your head drops, eyes downcast. “Not exactly.”

Ellie rolls onto her stomach, ducking her head so she can catch your eye. “Would you just tell me already?”

“The office job was in Boston,” you tell her, and her face pinches with confusion. “I left at the end of the summer, and we tried to make it work, but the distance sucked.”

She’s got her fingers locked together, bouncing her knuckles off her lip. “So you broke up.”

“We did,” you say with a nod, finding another shirt for Joel, a blue button-up not unlike the one he’s currently wearing, just a few shades darker. “I’d been in Boston just over two years when the outbreak happened. Dean attacked me, like I told you, and he was the first Infected I killed. Then the bombings. Then FEDRA started rounding up any survivors they could find, and we were holed up in the mall for a while, but then people started turning, so they moved us.” You sigh, flipping the box closed. “Next thing we knew, the QZ walls were up, and FEDRA took over.”

“But, Joel…?” She trails off, her confusion deeper.

The corner of your mouth quirks. “Five years after the walls went up, Joel’s brother showed up. They’d been travelling the entire time, stayed in the QZ in Baltimore for a few years before they got kicked out.”

“They got kicked out?”

“Tess got—” You cut yourself off, drop your eyes again. “They got caught smuggling in Baltimore, and FEDRA wasn’t having it. I snuck them in, and the rest is history.”

“Wait, okay, so,” Ellie starts, counting off the years on your fingers. “You’ve known each other for twenty-two years, the outbreak happened twenty years ago, but you didn’t see him again until five years after that, and you’ve been married for thirteen and—” She groans, putting her face in her hands. “That’s too much math.”

You giggle, tossing the red t-shirt she’d left between you at her. “We’ve been together a long fucking time, we can just leave it there.”

Ellie catches the shirt, sitting up, rubbing her fingers over the logo imprinted on the fabric. “So you got married in the QZ?”

“Yeah,” you nod, reaching for the fleece sweater you’d pulled out for yourself. The memory sparks. “But then Bill and Frank threw us a wedding here, actually.” Tears crawl up the back of your throat. “Surprised me with it, Joel planned the whole thing.”

“Joel did?” she repeats, surprised, her brows raising again. “No offence, he’s just kind of a grump.”

You bark a laugh, the tears receding slightly. “Time will do that to you, kid.”

She’s quiet for a moment before she reaches between you and grabs your hand. Her palm is clammy. “I’m sorry, Liv. About Bill and Frank. They sound like they were really great friends.”

You swallow hard, squeezing her hand, nodding. “Thank you, Ellie. They were.”

+

“Needs another hour,” Joel informs you, checking the dial on the charger. 

You’ve all moved to the garage, combing through Bill’s impressive collection of camping supplies. The bed of the truck is already half-full, and Joel’s helping you load a camping stove into the backseat when Ellie excitedly declares, having turned the work sink on, “They have hot water!”

You shut the truck door, your hand grazing Joel’s back as you step around him. “We’ve got time for showers.”

“Can I go first?” Ellie asks, her question directed at you, nearly bouncing on her heels. “Please?”

“Go on,” you tell her, jutting your chin toward the door. “Just don’t be too long.”

The kid grins broadly before disappearing out the side door of the garage. After packing a few more necessities into the truck, Joel checks the battery once more before following you back into the house. You lead him upstairs, into the guest room you’d stayed in when you’d come to Lincoln in the past. There are shirts laid out on the bed, a pair of jeans that look about his size, and toiletries. A bottle of soap, toothbrushes, a tube of toothpaste, even floss. Joel can’t remember the last time he saw dental floss.

Ellie had gone in the shower in the master bedroom, and distantly, the pipes rumble as the water shuts off. “Go get in,” you tell him, jutting your chin towards the bathroom off the guest room. “I’ll go make sure she’s okay.”

Before he can get a word out, you’re gone, disappearing across the hall, and Joel turns on his heel, heading for the bathroom. Much like the rest of the house, every surface is covered in a thin layer of dust, and he cranks the shower on, but lets the water run for a while, cleaning the film from the bathtub, letting steam fill the room as he wipes down the counter with the sleeve of his shirt. It’s already dirty, anyway. The mirror fogs at the edges, and Joel finds himself face-to-face with his reflection as he strips down.

His belt goes first, the leather curling off the edge of the countertop, the buckle thunking to the surface with a metallic clang. He lets his jeans hang open, sliding slightly off his hips as he undoes the buttons on his shirt. As he reaches the last one, you reappear in the doorway, your face neutral until his shirt hangs loose, and Joel sees your bottom lip slip between your teeth.

“I thought you’d be in already,” you say, your eyes raking over him before they meet his in the mirror. “Hot water and all.”

The apartment had running water, back in the QZ. Most of the time, anyway. But hot water? Not unless you were wasting generator power heating it on the stove and dumping it into the tub. This is a luxury no matter how you look at it. “Waitin’ for you.”

For a moment, Joel wonders if you’ll protest, if the kiss you shared in the garage, heated as it was, was all you would allow. He’d drop it if you did, would respect the boundary and step back from your line in the sand. He’s about to say as much when you step through the door, pushing it closed behind you and flicking the lock shut. Your eyes find his in the mirror again, and he watches you step closer to him, his back still to you.

Your hands reach up, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt, and you pull it back. Joel relaxes his arms, letting you peel it down, keeping it bunched at his wrists, a makeshift restraint.

“Baby,” he murmurs, turning his head to look at you when you lean up and press your lips to his spine. It makes a shudder run through him, and you move even closer, until he can curl his hands around your hips. Your own slide against his ribs, one moving up to rest right over his heart, which thumps wildly beneath your touch as the other hand roves lower, nails dragging as you slide beneath the elastic of his boxers.

You graze the base of his cock, and he can’t hold back the moan that slips out of him. You bite at the muscle of his shoulder, hard enough to make him jump, and your hand closes around him. “We have to be quiet, Joel,” you murmur. There’s a glint in your eye as he stares back at you, your eyes just visible over the slope of his shoulder.

He moves quickly, taking you by surprise. Joel pulls his hands free, his shirt falling to the ground, and he spins, turning so your hand stays where it is in his pants, catching the other with his own. He walks you backward, until your back hits the wall, and pins your hand over your head, his other fingers on your jaw. The kiss you share is rough, rougher than the one in the garage, a mess of teeth and tongue. His jeans slip down his hips, and you release him long enough to shove his boxers down, cock springing fee, curving up towards his stomach.

You pull your mouth from his just long enough to lick a stripe up your palm, and your hand closes around him again a moment later, slick with your spit, the way you twist your wrist making his eyes roll back in his skull. He releases your pinned hand, feeling it curl into his hair as he busies himself with the buttons on your shirt, the button on your jeans.

He’s panting into your mouth by the time he’s got your pants around your ankles. “Gonna fuck you in the shower,” he grits out, his forehead pressed to yours. He’s not gonna last. “Gotta do somethin’ first.”

“What—?” you start, but the question dies in your throat as he pulls your hand from his cock, dropping to his knees on the tile before you. He lifts your legs one at a time, tugging the jeans from where they’re caught around your feet, your underwear going with it.

Joel curls his hand around your knee, lifts it up and over, effectively spreading your legs as you’re pressed to the wall. He keeps your thigh in place, and presses his face against it, sucking a bruise into the sensitive flesh. You hiss above him, one hand locked in his hair, your face tilted to the ceiling.

As long as he lives, Joel will never get over the taste of you. He has you committed to memory, by now, knows exactly where to lick, where to suck, when to give you just that slight edge of teeth. He knows how to make you cum, and make you cum hard. But the moment his tongue touches you, it’s like the first time, every time, his tastebuds exploding with your unique flavour.

“Shh, baby,” he whispers into the crease of your thigh when you let out a little whimper, your hips canting towards his mouth. “Gotta be quiet.”

He drinks his fill of you. He chases away every rogue thought in his head — in both your heads — with his tongue, flicks at that little bundle of nerves until your thighs are quaking in his grip.

“Joel,” you gasp out, tugging on his hair slightly. “The water.”

“Right,” he grunts against you, knowing full well that the vibration of his voice sends a zap through you. “Tell me what you want, baby. You wanna cum on my tongue right now, or on my cock in the shower?”

“Shower,” you reply, your chest heaving with breaths. Joel grins, giving you one last lick before he’s moving back up your body, setting your shaky leg back down on the ground. He lets his mouth roam on the way up, nipping at your stomach, your chest, all the way back up to your lips.

The rest of your clothes go quickly, and he holds back the curtain for you to step under the spray. The moan you let out when the hot water hits your skin is nothing short of euphoric, and Joel’s cock twitches at the sound. He’s quick to follow, tugging the curtain back across the rain once you’re both inside. You’re standing directly under the spray, letting the water cascade over you, soaking your hair to your scalp, running in rivulets down your body.

Joel reaches for you, the warmth coating his hands first, moving up his arms as you curl your fingers above his elbows, pulling him forward to share the spray with him. He groans too, when the water hits him, and it’s coupled with a roll of your hips against his, your wet mouth seeking his beneath the water.

Your kisses are sloppy now, both of you growing languid with the heat beating down on you, hitting sore muscles and aching joints in just the right way. You slide your hand down his front, curling your fingers around his cock again, and Joel’s spine prickles. He lets you stroke him once, twice, before he’s grabbing your shoulders and turning you. Slowly, he bends you forward slightly, until your hands are pressed to the tile in front of you, your back arched and your ass pressed against his crotch. 

“There she is,” he murmurs, skimming his palm up your spine, until he can lock his hand in your soaked hair. He rolls his hips now, his other hand curled around your hip, and he slides your feet apart with his, his eyes drawn down to the curve of your ass. He releases your hip to take himself in hand, and draws his hips back, angling just right, the tip of his cock catching on your entrance before he’s slamming forward, filling you to the hilt in one fell swoop.

Your hand smacks against the tile loudly, your voice punched from your lungs, and you go so tight around him for a moment, Joel thinks your cumming already. But then your head turns in his grip, your eyes nailing him in place.

“More.” 

He’s never been one to deny you, and now is no exception. The ache in his bones is forgotten, the only thing he can think about right now is the feel of you around him, the way you arch up, your back pressed to his front, one hand reaching back to tangle in his hair. His hands are everywhere, mapping you out, squeezing every bit of flesh he can get his hands on. And all the while, he drives himself into you, deeper and deeper, turning your head with his grip on your hair and claiming your mouth for his own.

You curl your fingers around his wrist, pulling his hand down between your legs. He finds your clit easily, groaning when he feels how hot and wet you are, not just from the water. You whine as he pinches the bud between his fingers, drawing a tight circle that makes you clench around him.

“C’mon, baby,” he groans into your kiss, nipping at your bottom lip. “I wanna feel it.”

You shudder as you cum, and Joel feels every second of it, his own orgasm not far behind. The water pours over you both, and he just stays where it is, the aftershocks rippling through him, leaving behind that different kind of ache, the good kind.

Sighing, you fit yourself into his arms, angling your bodies so the water doesn’t hit you both in the face. Joel stays buried in you, hips flush with your ass, and you lean your head back on his shoulder, letting him dot kisses along your wet throat.

“Mmm, I needed that,” you murmur, leaning your head against his, rubbing your palms along his arms.

“Me too.” He lets his nose ride the curve of your jaw. “We could stay the night. Sleep in real beds, let me wake you up proper in the morning.” At the mere thought of your spread out on a bed for him, Joel twitches inside you.

But he feels your hesitation, feels it bristle across your skin like goosebumps. “We can’t, Joel. I-I can’t stay here, not knowing that they’re…” You trail off, but Joel nods. You don’t have to say anything more.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he murmurs, tightening his arms around you.

“I know.”

You spend what remains of the hot water actually getting clean. Joel groans when you lather his hair with shampoo, dragging your nails along his scalp, and he returns the favour. Lavender-scented soap swirls down the drain, and he wants to eat you alive.

Wrapped in towels, standing on the bathmat, Joel knocks his fingers beneath your chin and kisses you soundly. You, the one thing that always manages to keep him grounded, the one constant in this hell you’re traversing.

He can keep going, so long as he has you.

+

You leave Joel to dress in the bedroom, leaving him with one last kiss, raking your hands through his hair. It’s damp enough that it stays in place, slicked back over his skull, and you grin against his mouth. “Handsome.”

You can hear Ellie moving as you reach the bottom of the stairs, and turn towards the dining room to see her standing at the hutch in the corner of the room. One of the drawers is pulled open, and she has Frank’s gun in her hand. Her eyes are wide, literally like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

“Liv, I wasn’t—”

“I didn’t see anything, kid,” you say, and turn your back. Once you hear the zipper of her bag, you turn around again, handing her a stick of deodorant. “Here.”

“Nice,” she answers, but you see her eyes go wary. “Liv, the gun—”

“What gun?” you repeat, lifting your brow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ellie.”

She catches on, her face softening, and she stashes the deodorant as well. The stairs creak a moment later, and you turn your head to see Joel walk down, dressed in the green plaid you’d picked out.

“Well, don’t you look pretty,” Ellie comments, offering him a grin.

Joel looks at you, and you don’t miss the way his cheeks pinch with pink. “Shut up.”

You reach for Joel’s hand. “Let’s go.”

The three of you head into the garage, locking the front door from the inside before you head out. You know you don’t need to, but something about it makes you feel better. Ellie follows behind you as you walk around to the passenger’s side of the truck, and you don’t miss the way her eyes light up with curiosity.

Joel slides into the driver’s seat, and you nudge her with your elbow. “You wanna sit in the front?”

Her grin is infectious. “Really?”

You nod. “Go for it.”

You take her coat as she opens the door, leaving you to clamber into the backseat, fitting your bags and jackets between your seat and the stack of cans on the other side of the bench seat. Joel glances over his shoulder at you, a question in his eyes, and you just wave him off, reaching for your seatbelt.

In the front seat, Ellie flips the sun visor down and then back up, leaning forward to inspect it closer. You watch as she reaches out the open window, pushing on the side view mirror until it moves.

“First time in a car?” Joel asks, his voice low.

“It’s like a spaceship,” Ellie replies, and you laugh.

“No, it’s like a piece of shit Chevy S10,” your husband grits, and you lean back in your seat, settling against the headrest, “but it’ll get us there. I think. Seatbelt.”

“Hmm?”

Joel stares at the kid for a moment, his eyes cutting to you before he reaches across, grabbing the belt and pulling it across her. “Seatbelt,” he repeats.

Ellie listens, clicking the belt into place. “So cool.”

It just makes you laugh again.

Joel turns the key in the ignition, and you hold your breath before the engine rumbles to life. You watch him lift his hand, adjusting the rearview mirror, and he meets your eyes through it, something unspoken in them, comforting.

We’re gonna be okay.

He shifts the truck into drive, and slowly, it rolls forward, out of the garage and onto the road ahead. Ellie busies herself with the glove box, rummaging through the collection of tapes inside. “Would ya leave it?” Joel grumbles, glancing at her. She opens one of the cases, shaking the tape between her fingers. “Put it back, Ellie.”

“Joel,” you call softly, reaching out to put your hand on his shoulder. He’s tense, but relaxes a little when you dig your fingers in slightly. Ellie pushes the tape into the slot, and a moment later, a familiar song plays over the radio.

And I think it’s gonna hurt me, for a long, long time.

Ellie reaches for the radio, clearly not a fan, but you reach out, grabbing her arm. “Wait. Leave it.”

“Really?”

“Really,” you repeat. “It’s Linda Ronstadt.”

“You know who Linda Ronstadt is?” Joel asks, and Ellie gives him a withering look.

“You know I don’t know who Linda Ronstadt is.”

Joel turns the truck towards the gate, and as he rolls to a stop, he meets your eyes again in the rearview.

One of the last times you were able to get to Lincoln, after Frank got sick, the pair revealed to you an unofficial anniversary of sorts. “I’ve lost track of the years,” Frank told you, sat on the couch with you, leaned against your shoulder, “but what feels like a lifetime ago, on this day Bill helped me out of that hole, and I never left.”

“Just like that, huh?”

He’d chuckled, weakly pushing at your arm. “Not just like that. He cooked me dinner first, played a song on the piano.”

“What song?”

Frank had called for Bill then, and he’d appeared in the living room a moment later, concern on his face. “What? What is it?”

“Play our song?”

And he had. You had tears in your eyes by the end of it.

And I think I’m gonna miss you, for a long, long time.

Joel reaches for the remote on the dash, keying in the gate code once more. Tears crawl up the back of your throat as the fence slides across, opening for you to drive through. Joel glances over his shoulder at you, and you squeeze his shoulder again. “Eh,” Ellie mumbles, tipping her back against the headrest. “It’s better than nothin’.”

Joel pulls the truck through, and you leave Lincoln behind. You turn, looking through the back window as the gate slides shut again.

And I think I’m gonna love you, for a long, long time.

PREV | NEXT

[sarmaangel]

The ending was so disappointing for me.

It didn’t feel completed, which I guess is the point because they want to make additional series but it still doesn’t do anything for the current show.

With the end of season one there was a big even and large character interaction that felt integral to the characters themselves. It had a cliff hanger but I had a sense of loss, excitement, I felt satisfied.

I don’t here. What did we get?

Jinx is suicidal now and teamed up with Ekko to help save the city. Then she decided to sacrifice herself to try and kill the Beast.

Victor became a bit of a villain for about an episode and a half before being okay. Now he’s just fucking gone.

Jayce was annoying to be for half of this season because the man doesn’t think. Didn’t come up with a good plan to get rid of the gates. He has a sweet heart-to-heart with Victor to get him to stop and now he’s also just fucking gone.

Caitlyn feels like she didn’t really grow at all. She went from being spoiled in season one to being a dirty cop, to still not really learning the shit the underprivileged deal with. She was honestly my least favorite this entire show. I didn’t enjoy her one bit. Most of the time she was on screen, I was yelling about her being stupid, classist, a dictator, or just annoying.

I actually don’t have much to say about Vi. Her characterization has been pretty stable the entire show and her fuck ups come from her insecurities and inability to be alone. The only thing that bothers me is how at the end of the finale she doesn’t seem to show any depression over completely losing Vander and now her sister, her only remaining family members. She’s just “it’s all okay as long as I have my cop girlfriend”. It just doesn’t sit with me well.

Ekko doesn’t really have anyone now. His family unit has been completely broken now. He lost his mentor, he lost Jinx, it doesn’t show him reconnecting with Vi, because he’s all alone during the vigil. A good amount of Zaunites were killed in the attack against Ambessa. He’s just there.

Mel doesn’t have an arc either. We don’t get to see how shit affects her, even though the major part of this episode is about her mother Ambessa and her death. After she dies, we see her cradling her body before Viktor starts making things get fucky. Then we see her in one of her mother’s boats holding her mask in different clothes. I’m sure that means that she has taken place of her mother in their command. But again we don’t have a satisfying end.

The entirety of the end of this series is open ended and not in a satisfying way at all. I want more, but this series is over and we aren’t getting more. Now we have to wait for an entire new series. I would have been happy with this ended with a “let’s see what happens next”, but instead it ends with “you HAVE to watch the next one if you want to feel satisfied about any of these characters”. I don’t like that. I don’t want to wait at least another three years to feel satisfied. That was your job to put it in your goddamn finale.

[chainedupgirlsblog]

✎ Commentary of Ep 6 ~ The Loyal Pin (Thai GL-2024) - Part 1

This episode’s summary according to Prik:

Yeah... Pretty much this episode was full of (squeaking sound) and Princesses rolling in bed like lovesick teenagers. I mean, look at Anin’s face. She did it! She won lesbianism and achieved the impossible, got her woman.

Congratulations, Princess! You’re one step ahead of all of us 😭👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

This is gonna be a long one again. I’d recommend get comfortable as I catch up!

We start right where we left off and Oh. My. God. They’re the cutest, softest, hottest, i can’t even explain how much I loved this scene. It’s just so 🤌🏼

First they’re kissing, nonstop and all of a sudden Pin stops and pull away softly—out of breath. Anil asks what’s wrong (in the softest tone of voice, mind you) and Pin says she couldn’t breathe.

Like, girl. Anil. Chill~ 🥴

Anil giggles as you can see in the picture above and does, and says the craziest thing. First she kiss Pin on the forehead calling her adorable (how dare she!) and THEN SHE SAYS: I promise I’ll be very gentle…

Girrlll. I told you to chill!!

She’s insane. That was just the beginning and I was dying already!

Then they go on with the kisses (the damn kisses. That we here loud and clear)

Anil doesn’t waste any time and as she devours Pin she starts undressing her. The way she does it tho (I’m hyperventilating) she slides that tiny little strip off her shoulder in such a gracious way I felt like she was undressing me. Got shy and all. HELP.

And Pin just lets her, she lets her do whatever the princess wants and oh, she’s starving. She’s been starving for years!

Anyway, Anil continues now kissing down Pin’s neck and can i take a moment to appreciate how beautiful Freen’s hair just flows on her back like waterfall??? ART. God, she’s gorgeous!

Then we have Anil going lower and lower and I’m losing it a bit more and more. Wondering how far the Princess’ knowledge will take us…

She lays Pin down, very softly very gently just as she said she will!

And well, what can I say. I’m impressed on how vast Anil’s knowledge is! The boarding school has clearly teach her some important things! Such a great investment for the crown and the government ig (I’m not sure how Thai royalty worked back then)

The way Anil look at Pin throughout the entire scene?? The way Pin holds onto her neck as she smiles all bliss-out?? Losing my goddamn mind.

Then we got the morning after 🙌🏼

And aren’t they cute?

They’re extremely cute I CANT 😭😭😭

The way Anil asks for a kiss and Pin immediately give it to her aghjskfkf

Then we have this sequence of Pin’s memories if I’m not mistaken and it’s the cutest thing ever. They’re too cute for my well being. Honestly 😭

Anil’s dimples (Becky’s) are the most adorable thing ever. Pin is so right for wanting to kiss them and pinch them and eat-

Anil, instead, she doesn’t only want to kiss Pin on the cheek. Nope. She wants to devour her. Are we even surprised? She just did that the previous night…

They’re so soft. I love the way they look at each other. The way they smile at each other. Bumping the other’s nose? Pecking the other and kissing her hand? Got me giggling and shit 😔

And finally resting her head on her chest once again. Just kill me please.

I can’t bare this suffering that is being single and lonely anymore 😭😭😭

Anil holding the back of Pin’s head the entire time. PLEASEEEE

Then we go on with the day and they miss each other as the clingy pair that they are. Anil misses Pin so much she goes and help her with her chores. If that’s not true love I don’t know what it is 😅

They have a cute little moment under the freshly washed sheets and omg they’re so in love!

Once they’re done with the chores (I think) they go on a cute little date, holding hands and sharing food. I’m not sure if this montage is real or their imagination but it’s cute.

Everything in this episode it’s just fucking cute, at least till the two first parts.

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I know I’m yapping too much but can’t help it. it’s not favorite moments anymore but a commentary. lol. Here’s Part 2