#this does make for quite a fun playlist I guess

[englishmagic]

@floragraysteel tagged me in a thing!

Shuffling my on repeat songs and let the people choose their favourite.

I took the liberty of skipping through the ones that I don’t actually listen to, aka the background music for D&D sessions. Otherwise it would all be random soundtrack picks from games I haven’t played and movies I haven’t seen.

There is a correct answer, by the way. And I bet you won’t pick it…….

Let me see, let’s tag uh, @bongbong and @saintdundy and @slow-burn-sally and @littlebluecaboose annnnd @rubensmuse

[lit-in-thy-heart]

[ID: the train hitting a school bus meme. In the first panel, an empty school bus edges over train tracks and is labelled 'writing planned angst' with a train approaching. In the second panel, the train crashes into the bus and knocks it off the tracks. The train is labelled 'different angst suddenly writing itself'. End ID.]

[boyfhee]

FAIR AND SQUARE › lhs

SYNOPSIS › one thing about life— it's unpredictable. for example, you made a note to yourself about not associating too much with heeseung for your own peace of mind, letting him stay as the academic rival slash classmate that he is, instead of allowing him to be something more, except one thing leads to another and you find yourself face to face with the said man with your feelings all over the place. a lowkey confession leading to a mere competition, let the game begin.

WORD COUNT › 20.2k

GENRE › academic rivals / friends to lovers, mutual pinning because they're just competitive and oblivious ft in denial, fem reader, quite the 'he fell first but she fell harder' thing eye guess . . .

WARNINGS › mentions drinking, sheds light on family issues ( mostly on the reader's side ) bruise and injury, slightest of angst, arguments, suggestive ( fourth section, towards the end ) profanities, let me know if you spot more

PLAYLIST › tune in for a better experience

NOTE › i love this fic with all my heart and lungs, even more. anyway, i'm sorry to academic rivals fans, this doesn't have academic blood and gore, as quoted by my dear mai. SPEAKING OF MAI EVERYONE THANK @maiverie FOR BETAREADING THIS FIC!!!!!! im not lying when i say i wouldn't have finished writing this yesterday if it wasn't for her, like thank u for ur super helpful review that got my brain juices flowing :< luv u fr. ALSO both heeseung and reader are taking post grad course so of course, they're aged up ( no ages specified ) have fun reading.

I. BANE OF EXISTENCE

one thing about life— it’s unpredictable. 

for example, you’re in the library writing and reading papers on the topic you love, the one that you’re supposed to enjoy and the one that will become the reason behind your earnings in the near future, but here you are, sitting with a headache and a cup of coffee on the side. who knew the subject you've liked since grade one will betray you and become the potential bane of your existence? not you, surely enough. wednesday noons are for basketball matches, which explains why the library and hallways are quieter and emptier than usual. even the teachers make time for the tournaments off their busy schedules, it’s understandable— your university is known for having one of the best sports teams in the league, and the basketball team being the defending champions does nothing but fuel the pride of students and staffs as if they’re the ones on the court, trying to get the ball in the basket.

you wouldn’t say you don’t like being a part of the crowd because you’ve been to the badminton tournaments and know that watching matches is as interesting as playing, if not more. you just don’t have the time to attend any. with assignments piling up and exams ‘round the corner, you’d rather spend your last two months of the semester studying instead of yelling at the bleachers. you can always get the recordings if you ever feel like watching one, as for the results, the word goes around faster in your department than anywhere else, all because of one of the students being on the team. 

you try focusing, you really do, but your cup is just as empty as your brain and your phone is going up with notifications. you don’t see the point of miyeon spamming the gc with updates on the match when everyone in the group, except you, is with her, watching and cheering alongside. muting is a choice which you choose not to do, and the reason is between you and god, to be honest. long story short, it’s the lack of motivation clogging your thought process and the realisation that your friends are out there enjoying themselves unlike you is blocking any means of logical thinking. a day or two spent not studying wouldn’t make you fail the classes, and even if the guilt is pooling inside, you pack your stuff and walk out of the library, making your way to the indoor basketball court. 

the screams grow louder as you approach, each step reminding you that you still can go back as you choose to ignore it. exams can wait, you tell yourself, a day to myself can’t. your mother would tell you to take breaks and go out instead of studying all day, but being on top is an addiction. it’s no good, you wish other students would believe you, it’s a struggle, on the top, at the bottom, everywhere. you expect to turn a few heads as soon as you walk inside, which doesn’t happen, but you expected it. you don’t watch matches, this could easily be your third or fourth one, and the first basketball match, to be more specific. once you realise that everyone is busy watching the plays instead of noticing who comes and goes from the court, you make your way up to the one friend you manage to spot amidst the crowd— sung hanbin. indoor bleachers feel more compact than the outdoor ones. you've been to the football match last semester, courtesy of miyeon, and everything being outdoors really helps with the crowd and noise. 

“didn’t expect to see you here,” hanbin stands next to you, offering you a sip or two from his drink, which you politely refuse, eyes fixed on the court as if it was the home they’ve been searching for. “i thought you hate heeseung,” it isn’t until he takes his name that your gaze averts to heeseung. you don’t even know why hanbin would outright assume you’re here for heeseung. in fact, that man’s name didn’t even cross your mind until he was mentioned.

“hate is a big word, ‘bin,” your words are more of a whisper laced with hesitation, as if you aren’t sure of what you’re saying. hate, actually, is a very big and heavy word. despite its constant usage with your friends, you realise the weight it holds and the impact it has. hate and dislike— they’re different and yet similar enough to be used synonymously at times. not by you, of course, you have a clear distinction between the two, and as of now, you don’t know if what you feel for heeseung is a mere dislike or pure hatred. “i just don’t like him,” 

when he successfully shoots a three-pointer, you come to the decision that you definitely don’t hate him. heeseung is, more or less, the typical all-rounder straight-A student, the jack of all trades and fortunately enough, the master of all as well. he's the student teachers use as an example, the son parents wish for, the boyfriend people wished they had. lee heeseung is many things, and one of those is being the reason why you have the second highest score in your department instead of the first position, unlike how it used to be two semesters ago. 

heeseung transferred departments about thirty weeks ago, from chemistry to bioinformatics. it had been surprising on your side because not many opted for bioinformatics until they were certain of their goal. the course in itself is vast, like an ocean of several different fields and each and every one of them opens a door to a different outcome. bioinformatics isn’t something students picked overnight just because it had the vacancy and they didn’t like their initially chosen courses. as fun as the subject sounds, it demands consistency and time, something that heeseung lacks. you had seen him attend classes the first few weeks regularly, and then the ghost of him started sitting on the empty seat that belongs to him. skipping classes, arriving late, delayed submission of a couple of projects— you knew he wasn’t here to stay. it was to pass time, or whatever, you couldn’t care, didn’t care, not until he started acing the tests, practically dethroning you from your infamous ‘perfect all kill’ title that you had for getting nothing less than a perfect score, most of the time, give and take a few here and there. 

you still get good scores, amazing even, full score in theory and the same in practicals. it’s going well in lab manuals and project works but heeseung seems to get a perfect score in those too, something you started missing ever since he came into the picture. perhaps, it was something in the way he phrased his essays— you hoped it was. rumour has it that heeseung used to be a literature student, which could explain his outstanding english skills and his eloquent way of speaking. you even looked up his debate videos on youtube only to find more evidence on how skilled he is in public speaking. 

but above all, heeseung is, actually, just a really damn annoying student, quite literally the bane of your existence. he’s always set on stealing people’s spotlight during lessons, with you being the people, obviously, always answering questions with information that’s unrelated and probably even unnecessary. and for the shortest time, you even considered taking him off your ‘things i hate’ list because you were no different in highschool. when you’re the top student, it becomes a habit to talk about things as if you know them in your bones and impress teachers. hell, you even had rivals in highschool, although none of them got on your nerves the way heeseung does. basically, he has no reason to call you by weird names everytime you both pass each other in the hallways, or remind you that he’s the top student. ‘this is the vice-captain of the basketball team and the best student of the biotechnology department, lee heeseung, informing you on the up—’ seriously, no one wants to hear him introduce himself like that when you’re around. you’re pretty sure it’s engraved inside your brain with the amount of times he repeats it everyday. minjeong even says that heeseung is becoming more and more like sunghoon, and you would not know how or why because you didn’t attend highschool with sunghoon, unlike her. 

the court flares up with cheers when heeseung goes for a dunk which ultimately leads to their team winning the match, and you reach the conclusion that maybe you don’t hate heeseung but actually want to bang his head against the walls. your eyes follow him around the court, analysing his conduct during the match, the way he communicates so effortlessly with teammates using hand signs or quick phrases, the way he holds the team together when the ball is with him, despite not being the captain. heeseung might be the most unbearable person you’ve met so far, he’s actually just fine when his target is not you. you’re sure any other player is doing just as good but nothing comes close to how you see heeseung. it’s different, the light he is in, it’s unique, incredible, and inexplicably addictive. heeseung juggles between classes and basketball, you remember sunghoon talking about his part-time job when you passed by their lockers the other day. he doesn’t have it easy, you don’t either, but you had those all perfect kills by spending hours in your study while heeseung does better than you while winning matches, making money. 

it doesn’t take you long to realise that what you have for him could be dislike with a hint of jealousy, and you wonder if all the people would react the same way once they know who heeseung really is— a devil behind an angelic face, one who deliberately likes ruining things for you, as if his life depends on it. you still remember the day he personally texted you the wrong syllabus for a test, claiming that it had been updated and the professor had asked him to notify everyone. ‘and as you know, i have not been added in the group chat yet so i’m texting everyone personally,’ he had lied ever so smoothly as if his words consist of nothing but truth, as if lies are something he hasn’t even heard of. kudos to you for studying the original and correct syllabi beforehand, you still aced the test, if heeseung scoring the first rank is overlooked. 

you’re dragged back from your thoughts to the reality when a boy bumps into you while hurrying down to the players, hoping to get noticed. half of the students act like the team is actually a boy-band, you can see them on the front page of every single edition of university magazine. usually, you prefer waiting for the crowd to disperse before taking your leave from wherever you are, but a sudden reminder about the tests over text from your professor gives you a reason to leave early, all to make sure you could catch up to heeseung. you rush your way out of the bleachers once the teams start leaving the court, eyes fixed on heeseung to take a note of the direction he leaves. hanbin gives you a confused look before the words find their way out of his mouth. “where are you going?” 

“basketball shower room,” and your words could give him, and the other people who might’ve heard you, a wrong idea but you couldn’t care less. the goal was to see heeseung before he leaves the campus, which was highly likely because no one has it in them to attend four hours of classes after an exhausting match, not even heeseung, no matter how amazing he is. 

you make your way through the ocean of people, bumping into a few in the process as you make your way to the club room. a silent profanity leaves your mouth once you realise that the club room entrance might be filled with fangirls and boys, left and right, and the thought of shuffling your way out of the crowd to meet heeseung makes you reconsider your actions. heeseung might be a star student but isn’t amazing enough for you to step out of your comfort zone and do things to see him. 

“well, this is surprising,” your voice manages to turn his head towards the door. “thought you’d be busy with your fangirls, lee,” and it is surprising indeed because the hallways are unexpectedly empty with only a few people around. you would say they learnt to give the players their space after a game but that would be a lie considering the embarrassing history of students when it comes to people on the sports team. 

“they’re probably busy with jake,” heeseung responds with a smile, and even though he turns to his locker just as quickly, you could see the smile dancing on the corner of his lips. 

jake is rather a new player, a junior to be specific, and jay personally spent days waiting outside the physics department to get the guy on the basketball team. explains why he’s popular amidst students, he’s talented, good at studies— seriously, you wouldn’t understand how these people manage academics with sports. you couldn’t, and even if you managed to, you would end up passing out every few days. “does it suck to lose your fan-following to a newbie?” 

“not really. i still have you here,” heeseung wouldn’t call it ‘losing’ his fan-following because he’s using jake as bait to escape the crowd of students as quickly as possible. a junior has to make sacrifices, in this case it’s to save heeseung by sacrificing himself to the public. although, saying that he still has you looking for him even though a hundred others aren’t makes him feel better about himself. “no but seriously, what did you come here for?” 

“oh, it’s for the test on friday,” you pull out your phone, opening the group chat with the professor and the students who took the same course. it’s laughable how the universe put you in the exact same situation twice, although with the tables turned this time, and it takes everything in you to not tell him a made-up, wrong syllabi, and do what is rational. “the syllabi was extended up to chapter fourteen, till page three-ninety-seven. they sent it in the group chat this morning but i’m sure you hardly have time even to think about something else except basketball,” 

you’ve known heeseung for two semesters but that’s for the people to say. the truth is, you don’t know him outside what he shows to everyone else. you see him come and go, spot him around the bar with his friends on weekends you pass by it. you know he skips classes and asks students for notes. it’s not necessarily from you, though you’d prefer if he would ask you since you’re the best student in the whole department, after him, as much as you hate to admit it. on some days, you see him in the library, earphones plugged in. if you manage to sneak a glance or two, you’d catch him watching the match recordings and taking notes, you wouldn’t know what notes someone could take from matches. in short, you don’t know heeseung more than how everyone knows him. coming to the shower rooms and notifying him about the test might just be a discreet attempt at striking up more conversations with him, but also, you’re just fine with him being the academic rival slash classmate that he is. 

“yeah, semi-finals,” heeseung shuts his locker close, a sigh falling off his lips just like the water drops falling on his shoulder from the tips of his hair, after a shower. “doesn’t help that they’re at the same time as the quarterly assessments. thank you for telling me even though it means you’ll end up losing the first position to me once again,” and of course, the heeseung you know wouldn’t waste an opportunity to strike up a competition. it would be a lie if you claim to hate it because despite the sour look on your face, a part of you loves these little academic races with him. heeseung makes you strive to do better, he’s like the driving force you lacked which made college a whole lot better. after all, where’s the fun in getting a perfect score with the bare minimum effort, without some challenges knocking at your door? 

“what can i do, i’m all about fair play,” there’s a subtle shade behind your words, reckoning to the multiple incidents of him ruining things for you. this could take a really nasty turn if you were to resort to his ways, except you won’t because you’re better than him. “good luck, and we’ll see who loses the first position to whom,” 

heeseung wipes his hair before switching to texting on his phone, the smile still adorning his face like a jewel. you assume it’s the delight from winning a match, it’s obvious. his eyes couldn’t help but sparkle at every little achievement, always looking forward to something more, something challenging, that’s lee heeseung for you— someone who knows he has an easier way around things but would deliberately walk down another path and test his limits. shocking how it took you one basketball match to see the passion he has for things he’s interested in, that he’s more than a sport jock or a straight nerd, he’s more than someone who takes courses to pass time, more than someone who is just a show-off.

“heeseung,” the dislike, the hatred, the envy, it might all be a lie. “well played today,” because in the end, there’s a minimal possibility that you’re leaving the room with nothing but the slightest of admiration for the guy who is nothing but an obstacle between you and that first position in upcoming finals in two months. 

and it would be a lie too to claim that your words didn’t catch heeseung by surprise.

II. RIVALRY, FEELINGS, ETCETERA. 

it has been a little over one day since heeseung’s conversation with you outside the shower rooms, twenty-seven hours to be exact. twenty-seven hours of him hearing the same last words over and over again, twenty-seven hours of him failing all and any attempts at straight thinking and twenty-seven hours of him not thinking about anything except you. all of it ends up in three hours of practice and not one good shot from heeseung. the sighs and snickers from teammates fill the court every few seconds— truthfully, they never leave. heeseung is simply too lost to pay attention to them. 

“heeseung, you good?” a pat on shoulder from jake and the words following soon after manage to pull him out of his spiral of thought, even if it’s for a brief second. 

“he’s not, won’t be anytime soon,” sunghoon replies as if the answer was on the tip of his tongue, waiting to be revealed. “yn came to watch the last match, after all,” there’s a smirk on sunghoon’s face, heeseung can tell it in the intonation of his words. 

jay pauses just seconds before going for a layup, joining the conversation. “wait, she did?” 

“yep, saw her standing next to that hanbin guy or something,” 

“mate, you cannot be acting like this over a girl and that too, four days before finals,” this conversation, as a whole, is beyond jake’s comprehension. a part of the reason could be because he joined the team late, thus missing out on a huge chunk of internal jokes and gossip and goes amidst the players. and no amount of reasons can convince him into thinking that it’s fine to act out-of-character before important matches just because your crush showed up at one of your matches. 

“she’s not just some random girl. she never attends matches, but she came to watch my match,” heeseung clarifies as if the reasons behind his antics are valid and acceptable. “you wouldn’t know how i feel right now,” 

“you’re on cloud nine, we know, your crush gave you the attention you’ve been lacking but trust me, she would ignore you just as efficiently if she sees you perform like this,” 

“she’s not a crush,” and despite it being a well known fact amongst the basketball team that heeseung has a thing or two for you, he always refuses to accept it. one can say it’s the pride thing. you barely even talk to him unless it’s about studies, and your conversations are mostly along the lines of who outdoes whom in tests and assessments. moreover, everyone knows heeseung is the reason why you’re the second best student in the department— as much as you hate to admit it, again— because he transferred and flipped your world, probably even dribbled around with it like a basketball. a word goes around every few days about you glaring at him in class, which is not true, you’re instead focusing your eyes on something in an attempt to think. he just happens to sit right in front of you and be the object of focus. heeseung might as well believe that you hate him, even though yesterday’s conversation was far from how people talk when they hate each other, and his assumptions could account for the constant words of denial that fall off his lips. 

jay snickers before landing a hook successfully. “yeah, and i’m a pigeon,” 

“oh, shut it, jay,” heeseung turns to look at the other boy. “she’s just someone i admire. have you read her essays? her papers? god, we’re a year away from graduation but she’s already writing mind-blowing papers, one of them was even published in the monthly issue of some magazine. she’s already on her best performance and still tries to do better, always down to guide juniors with lab work and also is on the research team for the paediatrics department at asan medical centre. all this, and she studies all day. if i were her, i’d pass out. i can’t go a day without entering the court,” 

“and he says he doesn’t have a crush oh her,” sunghoon rolls his eyes, it’s like if he heard another line of excuses from heeseung, he could see the back of his skull and have a look at hs big, fat brain. 

“because i don’t? you guys never had someone you admired so much that they practically became your role model despite being in the same year?” unlike other things that heeseung does, calling you his role model has a reason. first, it can give him a reason to talk to you. heeseung is almost convinced that you hate him, and if this persists, it would get harder and harder for him to approach you, but with the lie— half lie— of you being his role model and so wonderful that he couldn’t help but admire you from afar while trying to overcome his social anxiety gives him a reason to talk to you. plus, it sounds plausible, he doesn’t understand why his brother says it’s bound to fail. 

the second reason and more to do with his friend group. no one in his friend circle is capable of keeping a secret— jay ends up spilling tea unconsciously, jake tells one person who he trust and that person turns out to be the most untrustworthy person ever, beomgyu, well he’s on the team but telling him would be like standing on a stage and announcing to the whole campus, and sunghoon, he’s the mother, he cannot digest food without disclosing secrets. even if it’s common knowledge that heeseung has a tiny crush on you, denying it in front of the whole campus everytime one of them brings it up helps him with his reputation and fortunately, ends up keeping it a secret. besides, he’d rather have people tease him for calling you his role model than having a crush on you. 

“i surely don’t have someone i admire to the point i read all their papers and know each and everything they’ve volunteered for,” jay argues back, set on proving his point. “tell me what am i gonna do knowing that she’s on the paediatrics research team?” 

“i think this is the most i’ve known about yn ever since classes started and that too, because of heeseung,” beomgyu chuckles, earning a side eye from heeseung in the process. 

“enough, let’s get back to practice,” heeseung intervenes in an attempt to change the topic. he does not want his closest friends making fun of him for liking someone— it’s supposed to be human nature to have a crush. 

“you get back to practice because you’re the only one fucking up because of your silly little crush. i’m done, jay, call me when we’re having a practice match because i need to attend theology or my professor would write me up,” taehyun passes the ball to sunghoon, the latter yelping in surprise at the sudden yet successful catch. 

“i don’t have a crush—”

“of course, let’s get you back to practice,” jake cuts heeseung off mid sentence, moving back to take his position as sunghoon passes the ball to heeseung, who, as expected, misses the catch due to lack of concentration.

it’s going to be a long day for the team. 

. 

. 

.

“a little birdie told me you went to see heeseung in the shower rooms?” are the words you hear as soon as your classes are dismissed, miyeon walking up to you and hanbin discussing the set of questions your professor distributed just a few minutes ago. 

“i didn’t go into the shower rooms, i was outside, near the lockers,” and there’s a difference. to be in the shower room implies you were there in the shower, which definitely gives rise to several wrong ideas of different levels. specifically, you didn’t even enter the locker room. you were outside, leaning against the door, watching heeseung as he walked freshly out of the shower, a towel around his neck, you both strike up a small talk. yeah, that was the scene, not with you in the shower and whatever miyeon’s imagination leads to after that. 

“so you did go!” she claps her hands together as if it’s a celebratory occasion, turning her head to look at the boy next to you. “what were you saying about yn not having a crush, habin?”

“it’s not a crush, miyeon,” and it’s true— heeseung is not a crush. he’s a classmate, a rival, an over-qualified and impossibly competitive student, someone you would want to take your time to study. “what, i can’t even go to tell a classmate about the updated syllabus for a test now? i would’ve done that for anyone, not just heeseung,” 

hanbin sighs, packing his bag. “sure, but he’s in the groupchat. he could’ve checked it himself,” 

“um, i doubt that,” you’re preparing a powerpoint in your head, multiple slides on why you needed to do what you did. “he’s busy with basketball and i know how he gets when the matches are around the corner. don’t you remember how he skipped two weeks of classes straight because of matches last semester? and it’s the finals this time, i don’t think he even opens texts about anything that’s not basketball. i mean, he responded to my messages six days later because he was busy with practice,” 

you say it like you’ve known heeseung for a decade and have been through the ups and downs with him. you wouldn’t care about who does what in the classes, if it’s a paper plane flying right over you, landing just second to the first row of seats or if it’s someone being brave enough and playing music during lectures. biology, in your opinion, is a subject for those who are serious about doing something unique while staying in the academic field. you don’t encounter troublemakers often, once a blue moon if the heavens make a mistake. on other days, it’s quieter than a library, emptier than cemeteries at night. 

to think your life as a biotechnology major got interesting after heeseung switched majors is astonishing and equally debatable. 

“i don’t see why i should remember all that about ‘just a classmate’ but thanks for telling,” and before you know it, hanbin and miyeon are out of the class, on their way to wherever their next stop is. seriously, they’re having it easier than you. they go to games, movies, drink on weekends— something you haven’t had a taste on ever since the year started. somewhere, you could be blamed for your hectic schedules. studies, lab work, and thesis, they suffice for all the stress a student in post graduation studies can handle. volunteering and writing papers is on you, things wouldn’t have been arduous if you had decided to move slowly, one step at a time. sometimes, the hunger for more leaves you starving— quite literally. 

you spend an hour or so in the classroom along with a few other students, going through the same old routine of yours— watch videos, take notes, transfer them to your document in your own words and make it sound as innovative and convincing as possible. heeseung would be better at this than you. you’re exhausted to the point that accepting your defeat to him doesn’t even faze you anymore. he used to be a literature student, had english as a side course as an undergrad, he’s bound to be better than making essays sound they came right out of shakespeare's drafts, phrases and metaphors that would put fitzgerald to shame. 

you didn’t care about what went down in your classes until heeseung came along. call it craziness or the weird impression you have of students in your field, heeseung is far from the typical biotechnology student aiming for a postgraduate degree. he skips classes, plays basketball as if studies are a side business, and yet still manages to ace every test like an all-rounder. he shouldn’t even be in classroom, he should be in the labs, being the most important subject of studies. there are days you think of him as a social experiment— how quickly can a robot piss off a straight-A student with its impeccable skills— of course, the subjects wouldn’t know it’s a robot but you do, you’re almost convinced he is one. there’s no way he’s the top student with the amount of effort he puts in. one would claim that he studies after classes, at home slash dorms, but you can bet your life he doesn’t. there have been numerous instances when you’ve spotted him in the background of someone’s picture at a bar. he’s always with people, he has a humongous friend group, god knows how someone can live like that. at first, you were convinced he isn’t real, as worrisome as it sounds, and if he is real then he needs to be studied. 

which leads to what you’re doing right now— making your way to the basketball court. you don’t know how or why you’re doing it. you started with your studies, ended up thinking about heeseung, and now you’re on your way to the basketball court. although, it’s not half a bad idea, now that you think about it once again. 

your mind goes all the way back to when you watched him play for the first time, which was just a day ago actually. you don’t know anything about basketball, you don’t know much about heeseung either, but there’s one thing you’re sure of— heeseung is class and heeseung on the court, they’re different. you’ve noticed the way he clicks his pen relentlessly out of nervousness when he can’t solve a question, the way his back tenses up for a fraction of a second as soon as he’s asked to explain something. you’ve seen the hints of fear in his eyes when he asked you for notes last semester just three days before exams, scared that he would fail. heeseung isn’t sure of a lot of things and basketball isn’t one of those. 

“you’re not practising?” you ask him when you swim out of your thoughts, watching him climb up the bleachers and sit next to you. the court seems much better when it’s empty, free from the loud cheers of spectators, but that could be just you. 

“i was, as you see, but i saw you up here and thought it was time for a break,” you could see his teammates shake heads at him in disappointment, proceeding to continue with their practice. “what’s up?” 

you don’t respond to him and instead, take your time watching the others practise their shots. you watch the way one of them, who you think is taehyun, goes for a dunk, credits to hanbin for telling you names for a few shots. next to you, heeseung shouts out a tip or two for the boy for him to have an easier and effective approach at the said move. heeseung is good at dunks, you’ve heard it from students, you’ve seen it in the last match as well. just one shot was enough to tell you how good he is at it, it’s like basketball flows in his veins, like he can close his eyes and still manage to get a basket. 

your eyes ghost up the court and shift to him— there’s a content smile on his face, a relaxed posture as if there’s nothing for him to worry about. he takes a sip from his energy drink, you wonder if he, or anyone from the team, even gets time to have their meals. the expression on his face, it’s something you’ve never seen on him during lessons. it takes you back to the match, how he looked on court a day before, certain of every move he made, every step, every breath, without doubts, no second thoughts. you’ve done enough lab projects with heeseung to know how his hands shake when he’s preparing a slide or extracting a sample from a centrifuge, afraid that one wrong move and he would mess up the efforts of everyone in the group. that hesitation is nowhere to be seen on the court, gone like it has never existed. as if lee heeseung, the star student and player, has never had an encounter with nervousness and hesitation in his life. there’s a thin line between studies and sport for him, you finally realise it after much consideration. maybe, you’re going beyond your boundaries and making assumptions about a guy you barely know, even if you would never voice all these thoughts to him, you think you know the reason why there’s a different him on the stage when the ball is in hands.  

“how did you realise that you like basketball? you know, like it enough to devote so much of your time and have it alongside studies?” because even if biotech is something he’s studying and wants to make a career in, you guess that it’s just a source of satisfaction. in your eyes, through your perception, basketball is what makes him truly happy. 

you don’t know why someone wouldn’t pick satisfaction over happiness, especially when it’s coming with its hands full of opportunities to grab that bag.

“eh, i don’t have a sob story about it, if that is what you’re hoping for,” he chugs down the contents of the can before crushing it to the slightest, eyes squinting at the opposite wall before they move back to meet yours. “i never had to sit and think about basketball and studies, you know, as in how am i going to manage both of them. it just happened. i started playing basketball in middle school and it has been with me ever since,” 

heeseung’s side of the story is simple— a mediocre guy who was introduced to sports by his older brother and now, it’s one of the most important things in his life. middle school heeseung preferred staying in and playing video games instead of going out. in fact, middle school heeseung resembles you in all the ways that make him different from you right now. he has been good at learning and remembering things, he takes liking to things quicker than others do. basketball was like for him— easy, quick, fun, like a way to release all the stress after a long day at school. in heeseung’s story, there isn’t a main character who helped him choose the path he’s walking right now. instead, all he had was his family who introduced him to the various aspects and opportunities, and he simply ended up joining hands with the ones he liked, deciding to not let it go before the dead end. 

“i want to have that passion for things,” a soft laughter falls off your lips, it’s an attempt to make your sob story look less pitiful. “i used to paint and play piano— but painting, mostly, was really good at it. i learnt how to draw before i learnt how to tie my shoelaces. i couldn’t go a day without painting, but then highschool happened, i had pressure to do well, expectations from friends and family, had a dream outside painting, and now, i haven’t painted in years,” 

unlike heeseung, art started as more than just a side business to you. it’s not something you were introduced to in the middle of your life but rather is something you grew up with. you can blame or credit your mother for making paintings and having them in almost every corner of your house. it’s one of the reasons why at five years old you were beyond fascinated at all the patterns and colours. no one would’ve guessed that science would manage to sweep you off your feet right from the first grade, given the way your hands danced a duet to their own melody along with a paintbrush, as if each stroke has a conscious life of its own. no one would’ve guessed that your mother would tell you to stop painting and focus on studies, neither would they have known that she would become the reason why you no longer feel the same way about art. as stated before, life is unpredictable— because no one would’ve guessed that sitting here on the bleachers with heeseung and sharing a piece of your life would water the seeds of doubts in your heart, the ones that bloom at the sight of him.

he thinks your story is sad— with all due respect, without sarcasm, of course. it’s the best he can say. “i think it’s more of a ‘connection’ thing. you think you’ve lost the connection but you simply need to pickup a canvas and some colours to relink, if you get me,” because heeseung has had somewhat of a same experience, with music, and sitting front of a piano to play one of sibelius’ symphonies after senior year highschool finals was all it took him to find his lost interest in music. even though it’s nothing more than just a hobby, even if it's just something he considers as a way to pass time, heeseung knows how it feels to let go of something that is an integral part of one’s life. 

“it has always been about timing, heeseung,” you shake your head, trying to prove him wrong using your own arguments. “you think i haven’t tried painting again? i still have art supplies stacked up in my cupboard. it’s all about timing. when you like something, you only get a few chances to make sure it stays with you for a lifetime. how many people do you know who have given up on their hobbies because they claim to have lost interest? the thing is, the interest is still there, it’s the inability and fear of not being able to do it again. if you timing is off, no matter how much you try, things won’t work, and what you love will end up becoming a closed chapter of your life,” 

a pause. he sits still, eyes admiring your face while his mind is busy replaying your words in the back of his head. heeseung wonders how valid they are when it comes to people. he likes you, despite the constant denial which is only for show, by the way. it doesn’t take a scientist to read him. reading him isn’t even close to rocket science, he doesn’t understand how you haven’t caught up even after being incredibly smart. he has seen you hang out with hanbin— heeseung hates that guy, by the way. there’s no solid logic, it’s just that hanbin seems to be around you all the time and heeseung thinks of him as a leech sucking blood off its host. heeseung would never admit but it’s just his jealousy playing tricks on him, and even though it doesn’t look like you have any romantic feelings towards that guy, it would be fucking embarrassing for heeseung lose you to a guy who isn’t even half as qualified as him. ( yes, he is judging characters based on academic qualifications, no heeseung wouldn’t explain why )

“i like you,” and so, he lets his feelings win for once, deciding to let his heart take control instead, closing doors to any room for rational thinking like it never existed. “you said it was about timing, about trying hard enough and having only a few chances, perhaps, just one bullet, and i’m shooting my shot right now. i don’t want to remember you as a closed chapter of my life,” 

it would be such a waste of chemistry if you end up becoming just a closed chapter of his life. heeseung has done his research, more like reading tons of books and watching hundreds of movies to understand the potential that two academic rivals have. no one knows this, not even his closest friends, but heeseung’s favourite genre might simply be enemies to lovers and living that trope doesn’t sound as bad when it’s with you. he has spent hours thinking about the number of productive library dates you could have, working on projects together and brainstorming about the next biggest revolution in the RDT world, changing the public’s outlook at genetics forever. it sounds stupid and makes him sound even stupider, even as a lost cause, but heeseung doesn’t care. in his mind, it’s the best date someone could have. to live and become successful together, it sounds like a perfect plan to him.   

truthfully, you have always been a part of heeseung’s future, near or distant. he always always pictures you in his life, standing next to him during graduation, bidding goodbyes at farewell, exchanging shy greetings at reunions ten years later while reminiscing about everything he did to irritate you, that would sound embarrassing a decade later. your presence will always be significant to him, he just hopes to remember you as something more than just a rival, just a classmate he never really got to know, just a person he spent his two years hating upon, just a crush he didn’t get to confess to. 

the catch— heeseung has already started picturing his future and you are not even sure of your present— and while he is looking at you for an answer, you’re lost inside your head, looking for words to articulate. 

heeseung is someone you planned to stay away from for the rest of your university life. him stepping into your life already costs you a lot, namely: dropping in ranks and losing your infamous title. his actions cost you the time you could use to study, which is actually upon you because you can simply ignore him instead of spending hours on thinking about his hows, whens and whats. heeseung was supposed to be the academic rival slash classmate that he is, instead of allowing him to be something more, but beyond rivalry, feelings, etcetera. you knew the way you felt about him, even though you couldn’t be as certain as him, or even to claim you see him the same way he feels about you.

turns out, heeseung has always been sure of certain things in his life. 

“heeseung, i’m—”

“not sure? busy? stressed? i know you have a lot of things going on right now. take your time, study for the finals, finish your papers, sort out your own issues and then come back to me. i’ll be waiting,” it’s like he’s not only good at studying but also at reading minds, because heeseung seems to have guessed a part of exactly what you’ve been thinking. call it timing, jay calls him to get back to practice just a few seconds later— a perfect excuse to leave. “looks like my break is over,” 

you sit speechless, watching him walk away like an opportunity that just walked out of your hand. it feels like a slight defeat, like a test you failed when you could've scored better, if not a full score. it's funny because this wasn't a competition, you weren't rejected, more like you rejected him, but it still feels like he has the upper hand. it's funny and equally annoying because heeseung is supposed to be nothing more than just a nobody, somebody you aren't even supposed to spare two thoughts on, but here you are sitting with the guy with your feelings all over the place. 

“heeseung,” you stand up, your voice making him turn to look at you, both of you ignoring the sight of his teammates standing motionless in their positions, too stunned at your voice reverberating in the almost empty court. “let’s do this: if you manage to stand first in the finals, i’ll date you,”

a lowkey confession leading to a mere competition. his lips morph into a smirk, the ones he'd pass you before tests, an open challenge offered directly to you. “and if i don’t?”

and you mirror the same smirk back at him, you weren't going to back off simply because it's about the person you possibly have a crush on. “i become just a closed chapter of your life,” 

let the game begin. 

III. LIAR AND THE LOVER

despite heeseung’s sudden confession, you’re doing quite well, taking it better than expected. you had your moment of confusion back when the words of proposal fell off his lips— anyone would. after all, it’s lee heeseung we’re talking about. you can only imagine the saddened faces of his fangirls once they hear about him confessing to you.  

“jay told me you made a bet with heeseung?” hanbin’s question catches your attention as soon as he steps into the cafe, managing to turn a few heads towards you in the process. 

“you know jay?” 

he sits next to you, pulling out his laptop in a hurry. you can guess it’s because of his essay that’s due before six in the evening, one he could’ve written last night instead of getting wasted at his friend’s birthday gathering. “we share history, also, that’s not the answer to my question,” 

“it’s not a bet, ‘bin,” your words aren’t half wrong. “just a silly game, y’know? i didn’t even expect him to agree,” frankly, even you don’t know why or how you came up with such a bizarre idea in broad daylight. usually, people get bouts of excitement or embarrassment while confessing or being confessed to, but in your case, you jumped over the fence and made a proposal that you have only seen in fiction. 

“nah, no way you’re setting up your whole love life for failure and calling it a silly game,” the disappointment is evident in hanbin’s voice as his fingers danced over his keyboard, typing with a speed that could leave the trains behind. well, people tend to get like that when you have an assignment due and the deadline is just a few hours to go. you guess that he’s too busy to even listen to your reasoning, which is appreciated considering you have no reasoning as for why you did what you did. 

“you made a bet with heeseung,” you turn your head around, making the boy next to you do the same in the process. it’s miyeon— you should’ve seen it coming, honestly. your actions have consequences, as always, and one of them is dealing with her non-stop interrogation as if you’re the prime suspect for some gruesome crime and every question answered wrong opens gates to capital punishment. sometimes, you wonder why she didn’t go with studying law instead. 

“how do you know?”

“everyone knows, yn. it’s all they’ve been talking about,” she sighs, sitting opposite to you while taking a look at hanbin’s laptop. “even the football fanatics are talking about attending the game, god, hanbin we better hurry that day or we’re not getting a seat,” you should’ve seen it coming, honestly. miyeon might not be the most social person, but she definitely is the most updated. nothing escapes her, every tiny incident reaches her ears one way or another, and if not, then she just finds out about it using her sources, given you don’t know about her sources. it’s one of the reasons why you’re almost convinced that she runs a shady side business alongside her career in bioengineering. 

you take a sharp breath, going through the bunch of papers arranged in your file. “it’s not that serious. he confessed to me and i said i’d date him if he manages to secure the first position in the finals as well,” 

“you did that knowing he hasn’t been studying because of games while you’re studying like your life depends on it? there’s no way he’s going to be first, and everything aside, it was a wrong fucking move to play with his feelings,” play with his feelings— a pause, you don’t like how it sounds. you’re not playing with his feelings, that’s far from what you’re doing. it’s a game, a competition, new to your friends but you and heeseung have always been familiar with it. there’s an unspoken rule to test each other’s limits. the last time you and heeseung did something like this, it resulted with you writing ‘lee heeseung is smarter than ln yn,’ in bold on a sheet of paper and putting it on the notice board for the whole campus to see. in your eyes, it's history repeating itself yet again. sure, there is something else at stake, but the rules are the same, and you don’t know why your friends are acting like you’ve done something terribly unethical. 

“no one’s playing with his feelings, miyeon, and i know for a fact he’s making time to study for finals,” you clarify your side, slight annoyance evident in your voice. “besides, it doesn’t matter. it’s not like this is serious, i only did this to buy time to figure out my feelings while the game gives me a reason to study and not get distracted. you know how i get when i lose focus,” 

that could be the reasoning behind your actions, of course. even while sitting in a cafe with your friends and having a conversation that is about to make your blood boil, you’re thinking of heeseung in the back of your head. his words play over and over again like a broken record player, the image of him on court or studying pops up in your mind every now and then. obsession is a disease and you have it bad. it’s crazy to be thinking about someone so much without being absolutely floored for them. 

“so you’ll date him despite the outcome?” hanbin drags you out of the well of your thoughts, a question that leaves miyeon flabbergasted. 

“if i manage to figure out my feelings then of course,” a chuckle falls off your lips. “i’m telling you guys, it’s not that serious. i’m sure he knows it too,” and you’re really confident about this— it usually never ends on a good note. 

“and if he doesn’t? what if it’s serious for him? yn, you never know how one thing might affect someone, and feelings are not something to gamble on. you should’ve told him you need some time to think instead of giving him a false hope or whatsoever,” it’s now that you start having second thoughts. the next two hours go by amidst silence, a few small talks blooming here and there, but dissolving just as quickly within the ticking clock of deadlines for assignments and exams. 

it doesn’t take a scientist to know when miyeon is upset, for she isn’t the best at masking her emotions. through the sneaky glances at her that you’ve stolen over time, you can tell she’d rather spend the evening in silence than talk to you, which is a challenge with herself because she’s really talkative. it takes two to sing a duet, two to play and game, two people to make a relationship work. heeseung and you— the two of you are enough to make decisions for yourselves, decide what’s right and wrong and, something about miyeon questioning your choices doesn’t sit right with you. 

too many cooks spoil the broth, it’s the principle of your life, the words you’ve been following to this date. it was your decision to have a few friends instead of a fifty— quality over quantity, as one might call it— and there has never been a moment when you regretted having a handful of people to call friends. instead of consulting too many people about your major in university, you simply went with what your parents and homeroom teacher suggested. life has been good so far. the more the better is something that isn’t applicable in your case. instead of telling everyone about your dilemma regarding heeseung, you decided to keep it to yourself, eventually opening up to heeseung when the time comes. you’re doing just fine on your own, it doesn’t make sense to you why a third person’s opinion is making you doubt your decision making abilities that you’ve been so proud of. 

this is not a gamble, you tell yourself, it’s a fair play. you gave him options, he made the choice, it’s consensual. you didn’t force him into this game, he didn’t pressure you to respond, it’s a harmless competition that’s bound to have a positive outcome. you even spend a good fifteen minutes wondering if you should go back to heeseung and take it all back in case he finds it insensitive to put his feelings on the line. doing it in person seemed impossible so you resorted to texts, typing and deleting your message before giving up altogether. in your head, this was an okay decision. a sweet confession, a person with unsure feelings, a harmless competition. 

you hope it doesn’t backfire ten times worse. 

. 

. 

.

three days later, you find yourself on the way to basketball club rooms once again. you checked the court, it was empty, and your only option was to check the club slash locker rooms if you wanted to see heeseung. okay, first things first, you don’t miss him— maybe a little, but it’s because you miss hearing his weird ass answers in class even though they’re right. heeseung just has an unique approach to things, in other words he simply knows how to buy time and go in detail about things he’s an expert at to impress the professors. however, that doesn’t seem to be the case for him because he has approached you six times in the past three days, asking if you’re free to hangout. 

you like to think he misses you or that his requests were because he wanted to make sure you don’t study and lose to him, either could be true. knowing heeseung, he’s capable of going both ways. whatever may be the reason, you turned him down all six times, and it’s not because you have something against him— of course, you don’t. that’s common knowledge by now— your reason for not hanging out with him is studies, as expected of you honestly. the bet aside, you had way too many chapters to learn before exams and all heeseung ever does is take up your headspace everytime you sit down with your books spread open. avoiding him in thoughts wasn’t possible so avoiding him in person was your last straw. 

which leads to the present : you rushing to heeseung, again,  not because you miss him but because you need his help, though one of the reasons could be that you feel bad for turning him down six times. you can hear muffled laughter from a distance as you approach the club rooms, a bang against one of the lockers, a loud profanity that follows afterwards. their humour is beyond your level of understanding. 

“heese— oh, um—” you greet and turn away just as quickly when you realise that one of them is shirtless. it’s obviously heeseung, you can’t mistake his face for someone else. and you’re guessing he’s the last one to come out of shower because everyone else is dressed, maybe he’s someone who likes to take his time showering— you seriously need to stop thinking before your imagination goes bonkers. “sorry, can you come outside for a second when you’re ready?”

another round of laughter follows, more like teasing remarks because you can swear you heard a few of them refer to you as his girlfriend, and it gets you a little flustered, you won’t lie. you even hear one of them yell ‘ooh, get it, heeseung,’ as heeseung walks out, fixing his t-shirt, responding back with his middle finger up at whoever made the comment. 

“hi,” his voice isn’t much louder than a whisper, eyes fluttering between you, the floor, and his teammates who pretend to not look when you peek inside. there’s a soft smile on his face— it’s cute, you think, and then rethink what you just thought. heeseung is, well, not cute— usually. he’s good-looking, handsome, hot, sexy, even, since you’re on the topic of finding adverbs that suit heeseung. cute is rarely one of them, you don’t think you’ve seen him as flustered as he is right now— rubbing his nape, a tint of pink on his cheeks, avoiding eye-contact— that’s far from the heeseung you’ve been seeing for past two semesters. 

“hi, can you send me the pdf of the extra set of questions that prof sent last week? i think i accidentally deleted it while clearing up my storage,” you get straight to the point, trying not to waste much of your precious time. “i could’ve texted you but figured you’d be too busy with practice to check messages,” you remember what happened last time; he took six days to reply to your texts. you’re quite a patient person otherwise but in this case, you’re in dire need of questions to practise for tomorrow’s mock. 

“ah, sure, give me a minute,” and he pulls out his phone, scrolling through an ocean of files and documents to look for the one you need. you do think he’s gorgeous though, it’s a well known fact that he’s stunning, but you think this look of heeseung surpasses the other ones quite easily— hairs wet after shower, partially covering his forehead, a white t-shirt that’s slightly wet near the shoulders because of the water dripping down— you wish he’d at least dry his hair before catching a cold. “actually, i would have replied to your texts if you had— oh, yes, there you go. do you want me to email it to you or…?”

“oh, just texts would be fine, thank you,” 

“done,” a pause, you feel his eyes on you as you go through the pdf to take a brief look at the contents. “do you want to go for a walk? or are you getting back to studies?” at this point, you’re sure that question is a way to tease you about your obsession with studies. heeseung may think you’re overdoing it because you want to win, but it’s no more than the normal amount of hours you spend studying. he never paid you any attention to care about that. 

“no, i’m done for today, actually,” and that’s a big fat lie considering you were planning to solve some questions and revise two chapters before leaving the campus, but it’s fine. you feel bad for rejecting him six times either way. 

never in your life did you imagine that you’d be going on a walk with heeseung. it’s nothing serious, you just didn’t think there would be a day where you two would have normal people conversation while doing normal people activities instead of trying to disparage each other based on grades and academic performances. to think about it now, heeseung isn’t half bad, it was all in your head. it’s not like you had vile assumptions about him, you did find him annoying and way too prideful— anyone like him would be, actually, and heeseung is still quite humble about his achievements because if it was someone else, they sure would have made it everyone’s problem. 

actually, heeseung is insufferable as well. you remember your first encounter with him, first and so far, the worst— in the laboratory. you and heeseung sat next to each other and when the professor asked him to briefly explain his experiment, you realised it’s oddly similar to yours. you had accused him of cheating, like any sane person would, which led to him getting two scores less than a perfect. he only lost one score because of you, actually, and that too because you were professor’s favourite and heeseung was new to the department. the other score, you don’t know where he missed, but that incident led to heeseung deleting your powerpoint thirty minutes before your presentation, which led you stealing his notes and selling it some junior through an undercover twitter account, which led to the professor asking you to help him with notes before exams, and everything ultimately led to the realisation that heeseung is actually quite decent if you behave with decency as well. the give and take is serious for him, because he gave you notes and so, you had to take his offer of going on a walk. even though it seemed like you had a choice, a part of you knew it was a mirage. you would’ve ended up on a walk with heeseung one way or another. 

“i come here whenever i’m tired or just not feeling well,” he says and you wake up from your daydream of memories you shared with heeseung. the way he phrases his words makes it sound like he has brought you to one of his most secret locations, one that no one knows except taehyun, probably, considering they’re close friends, but in reality, it’s the playground you pass by every single day on your way from your apartment to university. 

“oh, are you okay? are you nervous for tomorrow’s match?” you continue, deciding you shouldn’t ruin his favourite place for him. honestly, no one would’ve guessed that lee heeseung would come to a children’s park on bad days. 

“actually, this walk was for you, you looked like you’d pass out if you spent another hour in front of books,” and you’re done, standing speechless with your eyes wide open at his words that he says with a victorious smile on his face. “you should start taking breaks, yn. it’s not a bad thing to go home earlier when you’re tired,” 

he’s right, oh, you know he’s absolutely right about everything he just said, from passing out to going home. a part of him probably even feels glad to have you out on his little walk with him, you’re getting your well deserved rest, thanks to him. heeseung might even ask if he can walk you home considering you’re ‘done for today,’ which is very thoughtful of him— but what does this make you? a liar? miyeon was right, you’re gambling, even though it’s not that serious. so far, you’ve lied about being done with your studies and the bet you made with heeseung because at this point, it’s more like a prank, except it’s not funny and that it might end up with him getting upset with you because tomorrow is basketball tournament’s finals and you’re here wasting his time, all because you lied. 

a liar and a lover, on a date at children’s park— match made in theatre club, you’d say. 

“are you sure this is not your way to manipulate into not studying and losing to you, just so you can date me?” you try to play it cool, knowing very well that it can be one of his tricks or whatsoever. after all, it’s the same heeseung who made you trip in front of your class just three days after being transferred. 

“i was being genuine but it doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” of course, it doesn’t. he gets to win, after all. “can i walk you home?” just as you had guessed. 

“i would love to go home but my bag is still in the library,” you had considered taking it with you, actually, but dismissed the thought once you realised you had to come back to the library and continue with your studies. albeit, you’re not studying, that’s on you for lying into oblivion and giving into his requests.  

once again, you two are back to walking, this time back to the university campus. it’s nice, having a walk with heeseung, it’s sweet, slow, comforting, like slow music flowing around and engulfing you in its arms. the unsaid words are weighing on your shoulders, you can feel the pressure, but it’s not awkward. above the busy hustle of the city and blaring horns, it’s a quiet world with heeseung, it’s nice, like a warm hug after a long day. you didn’t think you had it in yourself to spend a minute next to him without overthinking and possibly starting a banter. you didn’t think heeseung had it in him either, to make a walk feel so close to home.  

“so, how are you coping knowing you’re going to lose once again?” and, it’s back again. everything is a hoax actually— his looks? a trap. his smile? a trap. it’s all a facade because once he opens his mouth, nothing but horseshit comes out of it. 

“very well, in fact, because i know i’m the one getting that first spot this time,” call it overconfidence but you really do think you’ll get your title back this time. you’ve been studying well and hard enough, solving questions and going through every extra set of notes and exercises your professor sent. although, you would claim to beat heeseung had you been prepared or not because it’s fun messing with him. 

“i’d rather have you show some mercy, in that case,” before you know it, you’re already standing in front of the library. “academic defeat and a heartbreak, it already sounds painful. i hope you go easy on me,” it’s sarcastic, of course, all these saccharine words of confessions made you forget how he is under the layers of smiles and winks that adorn his face. a session full of silence follows, the comforting tranquillity morphing into something tensed as he steps closer, your breath getting caught up in your throat as your mind dysfunctions— it’s the effect he has. 

“heeseung,” you put a finger on his lips— the only thing between him and you, the only thing helping you stay sane and composed at the moment, because only you know the struggle of pulling yourself together while standing inches away from heeseung as he grabs your wrist and plants a soft kiss on your finger before removing it from his lips. 

“why, that’s unfair. you get to see me anytime you want while i have to wait because you’re busy studying, you even get to see me shirtless, and i can’t even get a kiss?” and you hate the look in his eyes, you hate how close he is standing and how it makes your heart go crazy. this isn’t even the beginning and you hate how you feel like you’ve already lost, and you hate how confident he is with every breath he breathes against your lips. “just kidding, see you tomorrow,” 

and you hate how this is where you realise that you’ve fallen deep, and you’ve fallen hard. 

IV. PLANET TO A SUN

heeseung has been thinking about the walk for an hour and twenty-seven minutes— actually more, ever since the moment he got home last night, but that is how long he has been practising for, eyes on the ball but mind revolving around you like a planet to a sun. you had texted him about a rule this morning— no kissing before finals. actually no kissing before we start dating, lee— your exact words. they have been holding him back from thinking straight, even made him practise an apology while looking in the mirror if in case his actions offended you in any way. lost in thought, heeseung manages to get another shot in. that’s twenty-third in a row ever since he stepped on the court, which is unbelievable, even for him. 

“is it just me or did heeseung’s performance improve overnight?” jake looks up at jay, fastening his shoelace, a chuckle escaping his lips that goes unnoticed. 

the latter offers a hand to jake, helping him stand as they share a laugh before jay passes him the ball. “well, of course it will. he has to impress his girlfriend today at finals,”

“she’s not my girlfriend,” heeseung grunts almost as if hearing you and the word girlfriend in the same sentences cuts ten years from his lifespan. he knows it doesn’t, he’d kill to call you his’. the reason behind his edgy behaviour is your text and the weird rule you’ve inserted in an already weird bet— it’s not like he minds it, the bet, obviously. heeseung definitely minds not getting to kiss you for the next few weeks. 

“yet,” jay clarifies, emphasising enough for the world to understand that his words are supposed to be in italics. “she will be if you score more than her in finals, which i don’t think is possible because unlike you, she has been studying all day everyday. i don’t know how she’s still alive,” and jay isn’t half bad student himself. juniors in business have his name residing on the tips of their tongues. he simply thinks you’re a freak for being in no clubs and not participating in anything that doesn’t involve studying. 

“she’s the top student for a reason,” jake adds. 

“i am the top student,” and hearing his friends call you the top students hurts heeseung’s ego a little bit. crushes aside, you’re his rival before his girlfriend, and you’re not even his girlfriend. you’re basically just a rival. “also, it’s not hard to study all day if you’re used to it,” 

and jay scoffs in disbelief. “right, you would know something about it, lee i can’t go a day without playing basketball heeseung,” 

“hey, everyone,” your voice reverberating in the court is what stops heeseung from responding to jay with a snarky remark. “just wanted to wish you all goodluck. i really hope you guys win the tournament or else, it’s going to be hard for heeseung to deal with two loses after i beat him in finals as well,” 

heeseung rolls his eyes in disbelief, you hear taehyun exclaim that he has been team yn since the very first day, a claim that few others proceed to back up, especially sunghoon, with his own lore of how he prays everyday for you to win the bet with heeseung. you’re honoured to receive such support, to some extent. a part of you still wishes for the whole thing to be a secret restricted to just heeseung and you but again, it was your fault for placing bets in court, in front of the entirety of the basketball team to witness, even their coach. 

“you’re a little too confident, don’t you think so?” he smirks, taking a few steps towards you with the ball supported between his arms and torso. “let me know where you’d like to go for our first date,” and it turns out heeseung is just as confident about winning the bet as you, perhaps even more. you are not surprised, being defending champions does that to people, or so you believe.

“mhm, let’s have you score a date first, lee,” you would have loved to talk more but decide to bid your goodbyes as soon as hanbin’s message pops up on your phone, the little scowl on heeseung’s face going unnoticed the moment he sees his name on your phone screen. heeseung would never in his wildest dream confess to being jealous— it doesn’t even make sense for him to be jealous of hanbin because he confessed to you, and you seem to like him back. his worries are pointless just like the useless art projects his art teacher used to assign in middle school. 

your fingers dance on the keyboard of your phone as you reply to hanbin, the subtle taps synchronous with your steps with you rushing across the quadrangle, taking the nearest flight of stairs to the library. you wanted to spend the day at your apartment since classes are suspended for the rest of the day on account of the match. however, hanbin managed to convince you into coming to the library to help him with a few assignments here and there. you’re not opposed to studying on days-off, in fact you think it’s better since you get all twenty-four hours to yourself instead of investing any of it in classes. the match gave you an excuse to call in for a break, or an excuse to take your time choosing the outfits as if you’re the main character on such a big day. 

the librarian gestures to you to slow down the moment you almost avoid slipping on the tiled floor, in the process of holding the door frame to stop yourself, an embarrassed apology makes its way from you to her as you spot hanbin in the further corner with his airpods plugged in. your first instinct is to scare him from behind but the thought leaves your mind as soon as you remember that you’re in a library, and getting kicked out on a day that has been treating you well so far doesn’t sound so smart. 

so, you settle with approaching normal, instead of pulling random stunts, pulling out the chair opposite to him quietly to not make any sounds, mumbling a soft ‘hi’ as he takes out one of his airpods. “where’s miyeon?” 

“sick, she’s skipping today’s match as well,” hanbin replies, eyes fixed on the notes he's copying from the laptop to loose sheets of paper, before looking up at you with another question on the tip of his tongue. “are you two still not talking?” 

“we did, none of us brought up what happened that day, though,” you shrug as if it doesn't bother you anymore, as if you don't want it to bother you more than it already does.

miyeon and you have known each other since university, she was a senior in undergrad course who was forced by financial circumstances to skip one academic year, thus rejoining in third year along with you and hanbin. seeing her was less frequent while she was still a senior, although you're not sure if you've spent more than three days away from her ever since postgrad school started. a heavy tension masks all your conversations with her, over texts or in person, and even though you're trying to act like the small talks with her don't hurt you, a part of you is starting to miss the best friend you used to talk to all night, about wasted matters and sharing useless gossip.

silence fills in for the lack of words between you and hanbin and you allow it to do so, deciding not to disturb the decorum of the library anymore. you scroll through your phone mindlessly, there’s nothing to look at except people going crazy about the evening's match. you even manage to stumble upon a thread of arguments featuring students of your university and the one the team is going against. it’s all empty threats, seriously, ‘kys’ and ‘ur mom’s in my bed’ aren’t even insults at this point. they’re funny, sometimes, but you’ll never understand why or how they ended up being insults. ( honestly, you don’t see the potential ) 

“are you serious about heeseung?” a crack in the ice, hanbin's question catches you off guard, with a number of questions running back and forth in your mind before you settle with the one to respond with in return.

you blink in confusion. “i guess so, why?” 

“nothing, it’s just i never expected it to be him, y’know, considering your history,” you think it's unavoidable, questions along these lines, they would've been asked sooner or later. truthfully, even you didn't expect yourself to fall for heeseung.

your history, what even is there to call history except blood and war? both you and heeseung have been up each other's neck from the moment your gazes collided. it sounds like a stupid beef between highschool students, almost embarrassing now that you both are nearing post graduation. with all the days that you’ve spent thinking about ways to get on his nerves, or worse— ruin his projects, it wasn’t just you who resorted to ruining each other’s hard work— no one would have known you and heeseung would ever end up on this note, with him chasing you and you pinning for him, all under the blankets of a silly bet.

“well, as i always say, hanbin, life is unpredictable,” there’s a smile dancing on your lips, a dazzling hint of factuality in your eyes. “besides, he’s a nice guy behind all the annoying things he does. i think he's pretty serious about me, or us, too,”

hanbin has noticed the way you smile at your phone. it doesn’t always happen, only when you’re talking with miyeon or a few friends from highschool, now heeseung ranks up on that list as well. he’d be lying if the uneasiness doesn’t bother him, it’s bound to surface when he remembers all the nights you spent complaining about heeseung. actually, the rant session included hanbin, you and miyeon, but she would rather go to sleep than listen to you complain like a child for hours on roll, leaving you and hanbin driving the conversation. he has lost count of the amount of times you’ve ended up crying in the process, or the amount of times he has hung up on you only to show up at your place late at night to make sure you’re doing okay, and the nights you two have spent watching movies and falling asleep on the couch, followed by the mornings gone by with miyeon being salty over the fact that none of you invited her to your impromptu nightover. 

the thought of heeseung confessing to you still surprises hanbin, it’s one of the things he deemed as impossible since forever. and he can go, warn heeseung about hurting you, dropping all sorts of threats at the boy. hanbin can go on for hours about how he would make heeseung’s life a living hell if he ever broke your heart. he can prove the righteous friend that he is, but at the end of day, he would always be the third person between you and heeseung. hanbin can only assume so much about you two, not even sure if all of it is right. he can only wish so much for you to have eyes for someone else. 

and so, all he does is shoot a smile at you. “i hope he is,” 

. 

. 

.

the only time you step out of the library is exactly three hours and thirty three minutes later, to sprint towards the basketball knowing that you absolutely cannot afford losing seats in the first two rows. fortunately, or unfortunately enough, you’re not the only student going crazy about the game. you can swear at least a dozen came out of the library right after you, even though all of them may not attend the game.

you’re already running late— well, still twenty minutes early but that doesn’t give you much time to meet the team and secure the front row seats. and meeting the team is an excuse, let’s be honest. you want to meet heeseung, have a quick private talk, kiss him good luck, you don’t know; you wouldn’t. your head is in a mess, behind you hanbin is yelling for you to slow down as you run down the stairs. half of you is worrying about seats and the other half is wording her sentences out for you to say when you meet heeseung, and the team. you can wish them all the luck in the world, after all, it’s the university team and you would love to see them win. the whole craze about sports doesn’t feel real and worth the hype but things start coming full circle when you’re the one watching. slowly, as one would expect, but you are starting to understand why everyone goes bonkers during tournament season. 

“damn, slow down,” hanbin huffs, grabbing your arm for you to slow down. “it’s not like they wouldn’t start without you,” 

“that’s the problem. what if they start without me?” but your legs wouldn’t rest before arriving at the court. you know your words sound funny, painting you as if the result of today’s match depends on you. it feels crazy to be this excited about a mere basketball match, nonetheless you know it’s not the match you’re actually looking forward to. “besides, i’m more worried about seats,” 

“i asked hao to save two for us. he’s friends with heeseung, i think he will do that much for his friend’s girlfriend or whatsoever,” you see him roll his eyes at his own words, proceeding to slide his hands into yours before continuing on your way to the venue, this time a little slower. 

you have heard about hao from hanbin and miyeon a few times. he’s pursuing a masters in music, wants to teach violin professionally according to hanbin. miyeon has even attended one of his recitals last autumn, something from sibelius, if you remember correctly. he is popular, and you see the depths of his popularity as soon as you spot him on the bleachers, surrounded by people left and right, one of them trying to grab a seat next to him before he points at you and hanbin, and the crowd goes mild, ultimately dissolves as the players step in. 

“i didn’t know heeseung had a girlfriend,” you don’t know what you were expecting, perhaps a few words of greetings, hi’s and hello’s since you two are meeting for the first time. anything, except that question. 

“believe me, i didn’t either,” and why even is heeseung going around telling everyone that you’re his girlfriend?        

the court breaks into cheers as soon as the game commences and yet, it feels a little quite. perhaps, it’s miyeon’s absence getting to you. had it been her next to you instead of hanbin and hao— who are busy amongst themselves by the way, talking about anything but the match— she would’ve been eating snacks non-stop, giving you a little talk on every player, like a resume. it’s take her fifteen minutes to give you summaries on players from each team, their achievements, girlfriends and probably even mothers, who knows. although, you haven’t attend many games with miyeon to pinpoint every good and bad thing about her impromptu presentation, her unofficial commentary helped you sit throughout the match. it feels incomplete without her, not just the game but days in general. it’s definitely her absence making your surroundings feel quieter. 

so, long story short, you don’t have a clue of what’s happening. well, you do, a little. you know what a dunk and a three pointer is besides the names of players on your university team, but that basically sums up your knowledge about basketball. all sorts of voices are mingling in the air but you’re busy following the ball around the court with your gaze, occasionally cursing and clapping when the team misses a close basket or scores a comparatively difficult basket. the tension between the two teams keeps rising as the game continues. you notice sunghoon groan in disappointment as one of the players from the opposite team gets in a banked shot from the wings, scoring two points for the team. a part of the crowd goes quieter at jay’s failed attempt to save the score for his team, beomgyu patting on jay’s back while muttering something along the lines of ‘good job.’ involuntarily, your eyes travel to heeseung, whose expression stiffens at the sight of the scoreboard displaying a two-point lag.

a time out call follows as the players move back to their respective ends, and it physically hurts you to see the difference in atmosphere between the two teams, or the frowns on the faces of players on your university team. for a second, you even consider walking down to them as they gather around the coach, grabbing water bottles and towels while nodding at the coach’s words between heavy breaths. you catch jake looking in your direction for a brief second, a smile makes its way to your lips before he responds with one as well, proceeding to nudge heeseung’s arm and pointing in your direction. his actions are left with no response— it hurts a little, although you are aware that anything else falls after winning the match on his priority list— and they get back on the court as the game resumes. 

“they need to catch up soon,” hanbin mutters, taking a look at the clock. and even if it’s just a two point difference, you’re starting to understand why it creates a huge gap. it’s almost like scores on a test. going from eighty-three to ninety then hundred is easier than going from ninety-eight to hundred. greater differences are easier to overcome; for you have so many rooms for improvisation and thus, so many chances at closing the gap. the closer you are to a perfect score, the narrower are the chances and it’s almost impossible to pin-point and work on every single weakness of yours within those two points. you’re pretty sure your words would hardly make sense to anyone else, but nonetheless you understand why everyone on the court looks more attentive, probably like meerkats on the lookout for preys and predators. 

much to your disappointment, the play continues with the rivals dominating the court, giving low to zero chances for the opposition to get their hands on the balls. you even see a few of them trying to provoke heeseung, the latter trying his best to not react but you’re afraid he would start throwing punches if another one of the players passed by him with his middle finger up heeseung’s face. one of them, who you assume is the captain judging from the way he has been directing his team, goes in for a hook, immediately getting blocked by taehyun as the court bursts into loud cheers once again. 

“that was a little too far for a hook,” hao comments, and you nod as if you understand his words and know exactly how a hook is supposed to be. you didn’t even know about a hook until now, and you’re still not sure what it is since all the shots look almost the same to you. 

from that second onwards, it felt as if the control transferred to heeseung’s teams as they transition quickly from defence to offence, making quick passes and running the court, practically catching the opposite team off guard. jay passes the ball to jake, who takes a leap from half court, driving towards the unguarded basket. a quick layup using the backboard, as you hear hanbin name the shot, and basically everyone runs to jake for scoring two points for the team as the scoreboards displays a sour tie. it’s a seemingly easy match after that, especially when the players look like they’re back into the game. sunghoon passes the ball to heeseung who goes for another layup and fails, much to his despair, before going in for a dunk and scoring yet another basket for the team, leading it by two points. you see him passing a cocky smirk at the player from before as jake pats him in the back with heeseung almost stumbling in the process. 

heeseung shoots you a wink before focusing on sunghoon’s words as they get back into position, and even amidst the butterflies you got by his recent actions, you don’t miss the way he stretches his fingers, ring-finger specifically, pointing something about the movements to jay before getting his focus back to the game; and you just hope it isn’t what you’re thinking it is. 

it’s a slow game after that, no points scored, four fouls with two of them back to back, one by each team respectively. the frustration increases on the court, evident in each step taken by the players, groans and sighs fill the atmosphere and get louder than the cheers that have gone quieter once again. it isn’t until a few minutes later that all the players run to the front court as soon as they see an opportunity for a fast break with taehyun taking the lead, passing the ball to jay just a few seconds after, who passes it to heeseung— and call it the lack of efficiency or bad timing, heeseung bumps into one of the players from opposite team, an uneven balance, and falls directly on his right knee, as one of the opposite players throws the ball off-bounds to stop the play. 

the medics take him to the benches, bringing ice packs and everything else before escorting him inside. you considered following him inside before hanbin tells you that the officials aren’t letting anyone meet him, probably until they receive updates of his situations. you bite the inside of your cheeks in nervousness, palms sweating as if you’re about to appear for an exam you weren’t informed about until five minutes ago, or maybe it’s even worse. the murmurs from the crowd or the group of girls behind you, to be more specific, do nothing but make you feel more anxious. zhang hao, being a sports medicine student, tries to give you an insight on heeseung’s injury, telling you that even if he fell directly on his knee and it could result in a patella fracture, or perhaps just dislocation— words that compel you to yell at him to shut up before he ensures that heeseung will be fine. hanbin does that for you, noticing your slightly panicked state, telling hao to talk about anything but anatomy of how badly a simple injury can affect a player, and when sunghoon and taehyun return to the officials with an update on heeseung and a pale face, you knew you had to run to your heeseung as if it’s the end of the world. 

“heeseung,” you breathe out, stepping aside to let the nurse from the infirmary leave before you walk closer to him. the awkwardness between you and other players, namely jay, jake and beomgyu, besides the coach, rings all the bells to remind you that coming here was probably a bad idea. well, of course, you like heeseung and are worried for him, but the tension in the air makes you feel like you showed up uninvited. “are you okay?” 

you ask nonetheless, voice close to a whisper, as you stand at a distance, looking at the bruise on his knee. the smell of antiseptic spray fills your lungs, nose scrunching at the way you could almost taste the diclofenac at the back of your mouth. 

“not really,” he inhales sharply, exhaling a reply once everyone left, knowing they had a game to get back to. “look at you, are you worried for me?”

“i’m regretting coming here now,” liar. and then you let the silence carry the conversation with itself for the next few minutes. you don’t know what to say— what can you say? all you do is sit next to him, hands brushing against his as his winces at the slightest touch. heeseung opened his mouth to say something before dismissing his words with a heavy sigh the very next moment. you almost hold his hand— almost, thinking of holding it ever so carefully as if it’s glass with thousands of cracks, and then you’d kiss it ever so delicately, you did it— almost, but then, it’s just you getting upset over the fact that he played even after hurting his hand.

“so, they’re benching you,” you say in an attempt to strike a conversation, a little conflicted with your choice of words, wondering if he even wants to hear about something related to the match at the moment. 

“of course,” he says it like a matter of fact, a fact whose impact doesn’t seem to touch him. “please tell me they have jeno substituting for me. i’ve barely been getting updates in the group chat,” the least he expected was for one of the substitute players to keep him updated about the game through texts, and heeseung planned to get back to the court until you showed up, taking a seat next to him on the benches in the locker room. you don’t understand why they didn’t take him to the infirmary, and decided to think it’s because locker rooms are closer and if there’s anything heeseung should not be doing right now, it’s moving his injured leg. 

you shrug. “i don’t know, i’ll ask hanbin,”

“thanks,” and even though heeseung isn’t really fond of your friend for reasons that are widely known, at least amidst his friend group, he really hopes hanbin is of some use. 

it’s quiet now. you can hear faint cheers buried in the layers of walls and rooms that stand between the court and the locker room, a few muffled footsteps filling up any spaces left in the air, here and there. you assume it’s his fans trying to check up on him, as annoying as it sounds to you for you’d rather have this moment with him all to yourself. you hear him sigh heavily once every few minutes, trying to ball his injured fingers up in a fist to allow the slightest of moments and ensure healthy circulation, a soft hiss leaving his lips at the sensation of striking pain shooting up his nerves. unlike heeseung, your attention shifts to his injured knee with a faint chill running down your spine as you look at his bruise, which now looks more bluish than it was when you had arrived, signifying the possibly alarming amount of blood that has now clotted in the tissues. 

“you can cry,” nudge him with your shoulders and heeseung directs you to the most disgusted face in return. “what? it’s the finals and you’re injured so you won’t be able to play today. any normal person would sob their eyes out,” 

“i’m not a kid, yn,” he nudges back, a chuckle slipping off his lips. 

“trying to act all cool but you’re probably going to cry yourself to sleep for days, or even weeks,” he holds out his hand for you to hold it as you stand up, an action you give into without opposition, intertwining your fingers with his. there’s a smug smile on your face and he sees it as well, although only you know the way your heart is somersaulting at the way your hands fit his’ like pieces of a puzzle. “i know what you are, heeseung,”

he scoffs at your words, hands still entwined, a lovesick glow in his eyes— it’s your first time seeing this side of him, you’re glad to be one of the people to see it. silence has never felt so comfortable to you. the distant noise from court feels like it rushed on its way to you and heeseung, and stopped at the doors, as if you two are beyond its reach. you might never say it to him, but everything seemingly ceases to exist when you’re with him, and the world feels timeless. it’s embarrassing, cringe, and it’s making your heart beat faster with the way he looks at you. “you need to shut up,”

“make me?” a quick response, one that was supposed to be a joke, a joke which was supposed to be accompanied by laughter and brushed off as another baseless comment, but another second passes as you continue to look into his eyes, and you realise you’re actually considering it— leaning in towards him while giving his hand a light tug to pull him towards you the slightest, your other hand cupping his face as your gaze ghosts up his eyes and settles on his lips. when it comes to him, rationality is out of the window and your lips are on his’ planting the softest kiss at the corner of his mouth before pulling away like nothing ever happened.  

a pause; you could hear the silence ringing in your years, eyes fixed over him as if you’re spilling all your secrets to him, waiting for him to take a hint. “what even happened to the ‘no kissing before finals’ rule?’”

and you realise you had actually forgotten about it, for better and never for the worse, because as you said and as he repeated, it’s all about timing. empty locker rooms, quiet hallways with not a soul around, your hand in his, his eyes on you— the timing couldn’t be better, and you know better than messing up and letting heeseung become just a closed chapter of your life. “yeah, i could care less about that,”

there are a lot of things you could care less about, like the cold metal that stings against your back as he pushes you against the lockers, or the fact that anyone could walk in, any minute; you don’t care, don’t know. his lips are on yours and his hands are on your waist, it feels euphoric the way his lips move in synchrony with yours, fitting like puzzle pieces. heeseung tugs you closer by your waist, a faint gasp escaping your mouth that dissolves immediately into your breaths mingling together. it’s intoxicating and is making you go insane, the way he manages to sweep you off your feet with the smallest of actions and simplest of words— from the very first day. 

heeseung was right, and you as well, it’s all about timing. from the day you first looked at him in a seminar, to the day he switched to biotech— you plan on asking him why because so far, all your guesses seem implausible— down to the day he confessed, leading up to this moment with you pressing against the lockers and his lips against against yours. heeseung sighs softly, cupping your cheeks and tilting your head to deepen the kiss, and you could feel the heat of his breath against your lips when you pull away just when it was about to get better, avoiding his lips when he leans in to chase yours barely a millisecond later. your eyes shift down to his hand, one that has been injured during the game, and you proceed to hold it carefully, brushing your lips over the bruise lightly before adorning it with feathery kisses as his other hand travels down to your waist once again, pulling you closer. “you should go easy on yourself,”

you whisper the exact same words he had told you a day ago, traversing your eyes back towards him while your gazes have a conversation so foreign, as if it’s only for the silence to understand. and it’s quite literally just the two of you basking in silence as he rests his head against the crook of your neck, planting a few kisses here and there before pulling you even closer, as if you were going to disappear any second. “i think, i’m in love with you,” 

and timing be damned— because heeseung confesses to you once again, and then he’s kissing you once again, slowly, sweetly, in love, and timing doesn’t even matter because every second feels right with him. with the same air of delighted indifference he comes to know well in the gleam of your touch and the curl of your lips, you simply kiss him back as if to say, hate to admit, but i’m in love with you too. and timing really be damned because you hear loud rounds of cheers as you feel his shoulders stiffen. a slight disconnection between you and heeseung makes you wonder if he’s thinking about the results of the game, which is inevitable, but this is about you and him, and nothing else. you hear the notifications from his phone go off, hinting that the match is probably over, and you pull him into another kiss, another round of selfishness guised as an outlet for him to forget about the game, another round of messy make outs, tasting the freedom of ignorance. 

and then you don’t hear from heeseung again.  

V. OBJECT OF ALL DESIRES

days without heeseung feel like they’re forty-eight hours long.

you think it’s a disease or some sort of withdrawal syndrome. this isn’t your first time without him, in fact, you used to do just fine without him in your life until you let him in. at this point, it isn’t even about not being able to see him— heeseung has been absent for almost seven days. you even asked jay about him to see if he has been in contact with any of his teammates but much to your disappointment, he disappeared off the face of earth like he never existed. taehyun has constantly been reminding you to not fret too much, knowing that heeseung gets a little dramatic after losing matches. you can take his word, obviously, a friend from highschool would know heeseung better than a girl who started talking to him normally barely weeks ago, although you couldn’t help but worry about him as seconds passed like water dripping down the tap, disturbing the silence. 

you know how losses feel— like a part of you has been taken out and you’re left to bleed. it’s worse when it’s about something you’ve loved all your life. you’ve walked next to losses, hand in hand. when you know you’ve lost something while having it in the palms of your hands the whole time, the feeling eats you inside. you wonder if heeseung is feeling the same way you think he is, even if he didn’t show it a week ago when you had met him in the clubroom, the feeling starts to sink in when you’re alone amidst the ghosts of nobodies. even though he was smiling and acting like the little shit he is, you felt anger and regret in the way he kissed you. there was a sense of numbness dripping down his fingertips in the way they brushed against your cheeks, cupping your face. you could’ve been a sweet escape— it hurts to admit that the emotions weren’t possibly real, but you couldn’t blame him. 

losing a match, to put it in your words, meant failing in a test; and losing because of an injury, it’s like skipping a test you prepared for, because of fever. except tests can be rescheduled for students who missed— a luxury heeseung, as a basketball player, cannot enjoy. even you couldn’t believe your eyes when the students on the forum started talking about the lost match, all sorts of comments going around, though none targeted at heeseung, fortunately. yet, your first instinct was to dial his number— out of reach, the first thing you hear on the other side of the line, and all you’ve been hearing for days now. 

you had considered cutting ties with him, not literally, but as in stopping to chase him as if he’s the oxygen you inspire. you could’ve showed up at miyeon’s place with apologies, her favourite snacks and a brief explanation of why you did what you did, and everything that has happened as the consequences of your own actions. with weekends approaching, you could’ve planned a two-day trip with her and hanbin before the winter snow made it hard to commute— just anything to get your mind off heeseung, since apparently, you weren’t on his mind either. albeit, you end up doing nothing, no trips, no plans to see miyeon, it’s just you and your bruised heart with soju on the side. your mind is way too cluttered with thoughts about heeseung to focus on studying and at the same time, it’s way too empty to try doing anything else.  

so, you simply venture down the hallways, drowning in all kinds of thoughts, good and bad. you can use the time to study but concentration has been far out of your reach ever since the match, or ever since he went underground, to be more specific. the impromptu make out session was probably his last straw— it makes sense. you kissed someone who had been walked out of a match because of an injury instead of consoling them. you let your feelings get the best of you, making everything about yourself yet again. you won’t be surprised if heeseung decides to ghost you for the rest of his life after that; or maybe, that’s not possible since you see a familiar figure sitting in the outdoor basketball court, spinning the ball with it’s axis on the ground in a directionless manner. 

“heeseung?” you notice his back tense at the sound of you calling his name, head down low as if he’s responding with an exasperated sigh. “where the hell have you been? i’ve been trying to reach you— heck, even your friends haven’t heard a word from you in days,”

“not now, yn, leave me alone,” and an exasperated sigh is what it was. 

“look, i know—”

“just, what part of leaving me alone do you not understand?” you try to speak but heeseung cuts you off just as efficiently as he does other things, with annoyance heavily evident in his words. had it not been heeseung, you would’ve left already, for you have more important things to tend to, and you’re certainly not interested in matters you’re not supposed to be included in, if only it wasn’t heeseung, and if only you weren’t crazily worried for him. 

“oh, i understand it clearly, every part, actually, and i also understand that you’re upset and leaving you alone would certainly not be the best move considering the way you went MIA for a week,” and you understand his impulses about disappearing into thin air, wishing the ground eats him up or for the walls to cave in till he’s entombed in them, but a person as smart as him should know taking out helps better than thinking about wanting to vanish. “we can sit and have a talk if you stop being such an asshole about it. i’m down to listen to—”

“fine, what do you want to hear about?” he cuts you off in annoyances, the ball rolls down to a distance like your heart when you see the unfamiliar emotion in his eyes. “you were right. i went home and have been crying myself to sleep. i haven’t been eating well either. i skipped five out of nine mocks and barely passed the four i gave, let’s add that too. is that enough?” 

you don’t like the way he puts it, as if it’s supposed to make you feel better. maybe about the bet, maybe, since he’s supposed to rank above you in finals to get around dating you, and maybe watching him lose is supposed to offer you some sort of relief— seriously, what you’re feeling right now is far from that. guilt, anger, shame, you’re not unfamiliar with those emotions. they eat you inside and it’s not because you’ve met with defeat, it’s because of falling off all the expectations people had, giving them another reason to point fingers and laugh. you could be really over-reacting, but if you didn’t have your parents telling you it’s going to be fine every time you didn’t do well on tests, you don’t know where you would’ve been right now. and you think you can play a part of the same for heeseung, if not all. 

you sit next to him, nose scrunching at the sight of dust on the cement laid with cracks. that’s what you get with an outdoor court no longer in use. you can see little plantlets germinating from the soil, emerging through the cracks, the rusted ring catches your eye. heeseung huffs as you settle next to him, wondering exactly how long the court has been unused for, considering its lack of maintenance. “let’s date,” 

and your words are not what you were planning to say or what should be said in this situation, but they still manage to extract a response from him. “don’t play with me,” 

“i’m not, in fact, that is what i’ve been wanting to say to you for days. of course, this isn’t the best timing, but i don’t know what else to say,” you pause in what feels like embarrassment. too bad, his crush is not good at conversations. sometimes you end up nodding and blinking for five minutes straight before saying anything, after a person opens up to you with tears and blood. “and, i’m not going to tell you to stop acting like a child or whatever because the team lost such an important match and somewhere, you’re blaming yourself for it, which you shouldn’t, by the way. all i need to say is that you still have the next year to make up for what you’ve lost now,” 

second chances come with higher expectations from people along with words that end up making one feel worse about their situation. you’ve already heard a few students talk about how heeseung should’ve been more ‘careful’— as if it was his choice to get injured and lose the match. you know it wasn’t going to be easy, especially with his injury that probably requires him out of the court for weeks, but you hope that amidst whatever he’s feeling, between self-loath and regret, heeseung manages to find himself once again. 

“actually, i’m planning to drop out of the team next year and focus on studies. my parents were already against me playing basketball during postgrad, i’m finally starting to notice why,” basketball could’ve been his entire career if heeseung’s grandmother had not wished for him to go into the medical field. seeing the insides of a person makes him want to empty his bowel from the mouth so biotechnology was his next option. heeseung thought having two hands would give him the benefit of managing basketball and academics together, unlike how his parents had wished for, but his recent mock scores and lack of time devoted to studies is making him question his choices. “and what the hell were you on about dating, by the way?” 

you’re half immersed in your own thoughts until heeseung directs the question at you— brows furrowed, confusion shadowing his face— you realise it’s your turn to do the talking. “oh, you know, dating. i think we should start dating already, it’s quite inevitable after that day in the clubroom,” 

it is evitable, really, but you’re down bad— with all due respect. 

you haven’t been okay ever since you realised that you like heeseung, and you’ve been trying to act normal about it, attempting to not lose your cool-hard-to-get-girl composure— miyeon’s words, and they make you cringe— while the thought of him is eating your brain slowly and gradually, making you go insane. if you were to narrate from where you opened and closed the door at, it would be a slippery slope, you don’t know how someone ends up falling for the person they despise. the yn from a month or two ago would be knowing, you can see her shrugging and getting back to her books, saying see saw it coming. ( it’s miyeon’s fault for making you even think about having a mind blowing chemistry with heeseung ) the you from two semesters ago, when he first transferred, would hate you and call you a traitor, might even write whore on a mirror while looking at it because you fold at the sight of hot, smart and sporty men who are perfect at everything, even at ruining someone’s life, like he’s ruining yours; and the yn from highschool, you see her squealing on the floor because oh, what a fan of enemies to lovers she was— heeseung wouldn’t even have been in the current picture if your highschool crush slash rival liked you back. the current you, well, she’s a goner, and in denial that she’s a goner. too much pride does something to a person, especially when you’re an over-scorer and an academic weapon. you’ve lost all your abilities of letting your guard down even once, refusing to give up and accept defeat, no matter how tortuous it is on the inside. 

the current you is more like a victorian man looking at ankles for the very first time. 

“and the bet? what happened to it?” he chuckles, of course, anyone would, considering the way you’ve lost after placing the bet with utmost confidence slash overconfidence. see, it never ends well, anything, with overconfidence, it doesn’t end well, never have and never will. and you, you don’t learn, sitting with the very well known fact that if you were given the chance, you would place the bet with him again.  

“ah, i didn’t mean to do that, honestly. i was confused when you confessed, it was so sudden, i didn’t know how to respond. the bet was the best i could come up with,” miyeon was right, you could’ve used something along the lines of ‘i need some time,’ that day instead of pulling out a bet right out of your ass, and now you don’t know how to save face. at least the fact that heeseung confessed first makes you feel a little better about yourself. “c’mon, i know you love challenges. i was just trying to see if it gets you turned on or something,” 

and heeseung scoffs in disbelief, eyeing you at your choice of words. “yeah, i feel very turned on knowing my crush dragged me into a bet that i’ve been working so hard for and she wasn’t even serious about it,” 

“working hard? from what i saw, the only thing you worked hard for was basketball,” you raise your brows, a taunting intonation in your voice. a part of you regrets the choice of words, knowing that basketball is seemingly quite a sensitive topic to bring up at the moment. albeit, the slight fear evaporates off when he laughs and dismisses your words and nothings. 

he leans a little closer, hands touching yours. “you never know what i’m up to at home,” 

a pause; you look in his eyes and then at his lips, he mirrors your actions with a smirk on his face. you guess that there’s a second meaning to his words, not sure what, but the look in his eyes tells you something about it. “i think we should get back to when you were talking mental and i was talking you down,” 

and you could grab his face and kiss him with no one around, on the unmaintained basketball court for the grey and cloudy skies to see. you could run your hands through his hairs and tell him how crazy he makes you while planting kisses down his neck. you can kiss him till both of your lungs are begging for oxygen, and that's when you'd tell him how he makes you feel— breathless and drowning, a little insane every time you see him flirting with someone that's not you. you can kiss him till the sun goes down and evening takes over, it doesn't matter if you're outside for the world to see. you would've kissed him if heeseung hadn't leaned back, looking at the ball lying stray at a distance.

“by the way, i’d love to date you,” he smiles at the infinite horizon before looking at you, as if waiting for a response already known.

“yeah, i figured that,” you try to play it cool as if you’re all knowing. it’s partially true, he did confess to you first. “let’s make another bet: no kissing before finals, and the one who ends up giving in first has to buy dinner,” you come up with yet another bet, your voice hinting the enthusiasm for no apparent reason.  

heeseung squints at you, a little conflicted, quite unsure of your words. it sounds like a moment of deja vu, hopefully on a better note this time ‘round. “that’s not even valid, we made out not even a week ago,” 

“let bygones be bygones, hee,” he likes the sound of the little nickname you've given him, unlike bygones, the word you use to refer to your very first kiss with him as if it's an unfortunate memory. “it’s decided then, no kissing before finals and the loser has to buy dinner, and i won’t be satisfied with anything less than a five star meal,” 

you squint, index finger pointing at him, a challenging composure. another chuckle from him makes it’s way to you, lips curling into a faint smile. it takes you all the way back to the day you placed your first bet with him, with head empty and no logic, for the entirety of the basketball team to see, hear, and talk about it as if it’s supposed to be on the headlines of the national newspaper. your eyes spark up in anticipation, wondering if the two of you are down for another bet, one that doesn’t proceed towards failure, hopefully.

“the last time you did something like this, you ended up running back to me and asking me to date you,” he scoffs softly, side-eyeing you with a mocking gaze, quite ready to pull out the receipts if you ever deny his words. you hate how correct he is, all the time, actually, and you hate how you don’t have words to argue back.

lee heeseung, a nobody to you till he switched to your department, just some student who was there to pass time until he started ranking above you on tests and flipped your whole world upside down. you tried to not think about him and failed every time— still beats you why. you’ve never let distractions get the best of you, but heeseung, perhaps he’s more than just a distraction, or maybe he isn’t a distraction at all. he’s like a plant in your garden that you could care less about— should care less about, it’s growing without harming your plants, but it’s creeping against a wall with pretty flowers for show, and before you know it, it’s demanding for all your attention that you offer without second thoughts, unwillingly at first. 

he’s the bane of your existence and object of all your desires, to put it simply and make it sound cliché. you’ve had your moments trying to run away from him, get him out of your head, annoy him to the point he’d prefer flying to the other side of the globe, or that could be you too, anywhere, far from him. but life, for the thousandth time, is unpredictable. when was the last time something worked out exactly how you had planned— can’t remember, obviously, just like the way you don’t remember when heeseung started occupying a corner of your brain, popping in and out at random times and disrupting your thought process. the more you tried to ignore him, the further he housed in your head, the deeper in your heart, closer, within your reach, as if for you to grab his hands and let him enter your side of the world. 

and so, you kiss him again, pulling him towards you with the collars of his jacket. you feel him smile, a triumphant smile, as expected from someone who is used to winning. you don't think you can say you've lost, not at the way he cups your cheeks and tilts his head to deepen the kiss just moments before you pull away. “i always run back to you, don’t i?” 

and you're a child infatuated with their favourite sport, a painter falling in love with strokes, a pianist dancing to the melody of rachmaninoff, a student addicted to getting a perfect score, a player addicted to winning. you trace back to things you like, you always run back to heeseung,

and you always would. 

TEN MINUTES LATER :

heeseung plants a soft peck on your lips. “dinner’s on you,” 

“fuck!” 

[girlfromflor]

56 DAYS (sjy) | PART ONE

pairing: enemie!jake x fem!reader

summary: after your best friend jay made you share an apartment with jake – “the guy you don’t like” –, you have to decide whether you should or not give into the feelings he makes you experience, something possibly pleasant and definitely memorable.

genre: "enemies" (reader is in denial) to lovers, accidental roommates, summer love, also has a bit of angst

warnings: swear words but other than that, none really (i suggest you read the prequel)

wc: 1.3k | playlist: 56 days. | a/n: i decided to post this first, the second part will be the final part i promise.♡ | taglist: @manuosorioh

as you tried to recover from your first college party experience, your brain did what it always does when your peace is threatened: refused to accept whatever happened, as a coping mechanism. it was not like it would work though, since jay didn’t seem like he would let you hear the end of it any soon. you pretty much denied any possibility of understanding between you and jake and did your best to pretend you didn’t even acknowledge his existence – which you did, very much so.

after those special seven minutes in paradise that felt like total hell to recall, you haven’t had any other friendly interactions with jake, always avoiding him with all you had. if you happened to meet, you were always quite cold and sometimes even a bit rude. all things that didn’t faze the boy whatsoever, who kept on getting on your nerves and even risked poorly made plans with jay so that you two would be alone again.

“what are you doing, standing there?” he asked, grimacing as if he wanted to make fun of you, but opted for a friendly approach.

turns out that jay took it to another level and planned out – and very well – a long-term blind date, so to speak. at some point of the semester, jay mentioned a colleague moving out of the apartment he was living in and complained about how hard it would be to get someone else to live with him and share expenses. you, in an act of kindness, offered yourself to move in so you two could pay the bills together. he didn’t think twice before accepting it and, when the time came, in less than two weeks of organizing and moving out of your old place you were moving in with the man you call best friend since elementary school.

you were carrying the last item to your new apartment and everything was perfectly fine, until you came across jake lying on the couch, completely sweaty and untying the laces of his work out shoes, looking very fucking comfortable – almost like he was in his own home, you would dare say. you were in complete shock and a bit disoriented, for a moment you wondered how he was still attractive even though he was so clearly tired, but you soon ignored that thought to try and understand what the hell he was doing there in the first place. because you remembered very well having agreed with jay that you wouldn’t need help moving, there were few things you owned anyway. caught in the possibilities of what could be actually happening, you only realized that you had been standing at the entrance to the living room for a few awkward seconds, holding a box destined for your room, when jay lightly nudged your shoulder.

“what.. is he doing here?” it was your turn to ask, pointing – as best as you could while still holding the box in your arms – to jake, who was now paying attention to the two of you and, upon hearing the words that left your mouth, couldn’t help but let a smile form on his face.

“hello to you too, princess,” he said and before you could retort, he kept going, “i thought you’d have more manners with your roommate, but i guess i can’t be optimistic when it comes to you.” his eyebrows wiggle suggestively, his smile widening slightly and his tongue peeked between his teeth only adding to the image of perversion you had of him. because it wouldn’t be possible to associate him to anything other than obscenity, especially with that cocky smile that never seemed to leave his face. 

“excuse me?” you turned to talk to jay, but he was already on the other side of the room, going through the hallway that led to the bedrooms. “hey! jay, come back here. now.” you dropped the box on the floor, your arms crossed and your eyes burned holes into jay while waiting for him to come closer. “what does that mean? may i know?”

your best friend just laughed awkwardly and replied, “well... i thought you knew he lived here too.”

“how–” you stopped, sighed and straightened your posture. when you spoke again your voice was much more controlled, “how am i supposed to know if you never said that to me before?” your anger was still noticeable, but wrapped in a false cordiality that made jake strangle a laugh. this whole thing would be infinitely more fun than he initially thought.

after making everything clear – in the smallest details – with jay and for what seemed like an eternity of putting everything in its rightful place you finally went to your room, took a shower and got ready to sleep. the clean bed sheets that smelled of fabric softener and the fluffy duvet were a warm welcome after such a tiring day. you couldn’t control the thoughts that took you to a not-so-distant jake, who was now only separated from you by a room and, as you felt your eyes grow heavy and your body surrender to the much-needed sleep, you wondered what future reserved for the next few months you’ll be sharing your precious routine with the nuisance that was jake’s presence – ‘but at least i’ll have jay by side’, you thought right before falling asleep.

“are you serious?” your voice comes out exasperated in an impulse that startled both you and jay, who was talking calmly to you while leaning on the kitchen counter – wearing his signature Seattle Mariners shirt, which you questioned if he’d ever stop wearing. it was currently 7am and you were having a rather upsetting talk with your best friend. it has been really nice to live with him, even though jake is together almost every time you two do something nice. but after a few days of it, jay seems ready to part ways. in an attempt to redeem your posture and sound a little calmer and more controlled, you say “are you going to travel?” 

—☆—

and, despite you being his best friend for years, jay doesn’t even try to comfort you like you think you deserve. “it’s only for a few days, i promise you won’t even notice,” he replies. 

but you wouldn’t have that. “it’s not just a few days, jay, you’ll be gone for a month.” your whiny voice softens jay, who hugs you warmly. in the end, he knew you would miss him. “i had made so many plans for us, you know...” 

and with that, jake decides to leave where he was in the living room, walking towards where you were sharing the hug. when he gets to you, he nudges your waist. “don’t worry, princess. i’ll do anything you had planned to do with jay.” his slightly husky voice due to it being early in the morning makes your face heat up along with your body, but you blame the intense sun that shines through the window. then, he winks at you and you wonder if being arrested for murder would be as bad as they say. why doesn’t he just give up?

“tell me you’re not going to leave me alone with this idiot for a whole month,” you say, pretending that jake wasn't even in the room and jay laughs, a laugh that almost makes you forget why you were angry in the first place, but once again he decides to destroy all your optimism. “how silly, girl. of course i'm not going to leave you alone with him for a whole month, i'm going to be away for the whole summer break.”

that’s enough for you to pull out of his embrace, facing jay with all the disgust you could muster, which meant very little – very little indeed. 

and jake's voice is right there to further add to your stress, “it will be exactly 56 days with me, angel.”

[phosphorus-12]

Grougal: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey! Qilby: But I'm a vegan. Grougal: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

Qilby: You’re overthinking this. Yugo: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Qilby. What if I’m underthinking?

Qilby: Let’s write Efrim a friendly note, shall we? Dear… Incompetent… Dumbass…

Yugo: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container. Grougal: The cow?? Chibi: What? Adamai: Grougal, W H Y?

Qilby: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Mina >:O language Yugo: Yeah watch your fucking language Chibi: Okay, who taught Yugo the fuck word?! Adamai: 'The fuck word'. Mina: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Glip: Oh my god they censored it Qilby: Say fuck, Mina. Efrim: Do it, Mina. Say fuck.

Efrim: The saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to Yugo.

Adamai: We should normalize not loving family members. Yugo: You can just say: “I hate my dumb fuck brother, Qilby” or whatever. Talk like a normal person!

Chibi: We might have gotten into a bar room brawl back in the city. Mina: Well, that was entirely predictable. Chibi: One of them punched a gang member. Mina: Qilby? Chibi: Yugo, actually. Mina: Oh, that was going to be my second guess.

Baby Grougal after being born: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- Yugo: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~ Grougal: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Adamai, recording: This is so cute.

Qilby: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?! Glip: … Qilby: Oh, right. The lying.

Balthazar: I hate you sometimes. Qilby: Well according to this picture Mina drew of us holding hands that's not true. Balthazar: Qilby, you drew that. Qilby: It doesn't matter.

Grougal: This should be illegal! Chibi: It is.

Phaeris is casually searching around the room Adamai: Hey Phaeris, what’re you looking for? Phaeris: My will to live. Mina walks into the room Phaeris: Oh, there it is.

Nora: No more making fun of me when I misuse dated cultural references, alright? Are we cowabunga on this? Yugo, sighing: Fine. We're cowabunga.

Nora: Made you all playlists! Nora: Efrim, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul. Nora: Chibi, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression. Nora: And Shinonome has the ABBA Gold album.

Nora: CHARACTER. FLAWS. ARE. FUCKING. IMPORTANT. Yugo: Me when someone tells me to stop eating mayo packets like they’re gogurt tubes.

Kidnapper: I have your father. Yugo: What? I don't have a father… Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face? Yugo: Oh my god, you have my brother Qilby.

Shinonome: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?? Balthazar: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔 Chibi: Why were you microwaving a lemon??? Balthazar: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots. Adamai: Did you burn an orange too? How??? Balthazar: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

Yugo: You don't think I can fight because of my height! Chibi: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Qilby can fight in that dress either. Qilby: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.

Chibi: I'm trying to juggle family life and work life but I can't seem to find a balance. What do you suggest I do to keep everyone happy? Yugo, deadpan: Quit your job, kill your family.

Efrim: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and… Grougal: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma. Efrim: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said… Qilby: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

[hwaslayer]

project: make you love me (jyh) | four.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 5.6k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing/mature language, chaery being bold per usual lol (but shes a cutie and we love her), oc and yunho get to know each other more, mentions of sickness/being ill (not oc or yunho), yunho's mom is a single mom, hwa gets a little 😕 but oc knows how to put her foot down, say hello to mingi!!, mingi brings something up and it kinda rubs yunho the wrong way but boy has patience

"We're getting lunch with Jongho and them. Coming?" You shake your head as you walk alongside Soobin, with Seungmin and Chaery trailing behind.

"Nope, no can do." You say. "I'm taking Yunho to lunch to repay him for the ni—" Seungmin looks at you and you pause. Right. Soobin and Chaery don't know Seonghwa left you stranded. "Foooor his help with my reviews." You backtrack a bit, hoping the two didn't catch on.

"Oh, that's sweet of you." Chaery says. "You definitely should! We won't be home 'till later either, soo.. " She giggles and you shake your head at her forwardness.

"So.. what, Chaery?" You glare at her.

"Yeah, what is wrong with you?" Seungmin laughs a bit. "You'll scare him away."

"I will not! I'm just saying, the option is there." She puckers her lips and wiggles her brows.

"Anyway, I'm just going to grab lunch with him at the cute, new brunch place downtown. Let me know if you want anything?" You stop in your tracks, realizing you've walked farther than you should've. Yunho mentioned he was going to be at the Engineering Center, which is in the opposite direction.

"Sounds good." Soobin gives you a small, pursed smile; dimples dotting his cheeks as he sends an animated wave. "See you? Have fun, be safe!"

"Thanks." You wave to your friends as you watch them walk off without. You turn on your heel to walk back towards the building that Yunho just ended class in, picking up your pace when you realize you're running a little late compared to the time you promised to meet him. As you close in on the building, you catch sight of the tall boy and his fluffy black hair.

"Yunho!" Yunho whips his head around to see you walking towards him. He smiles a bit and stops, waiting for you to catch up. "Hey! I was just about to text you. You still free to grab brunch with me, right?"

"Yeah, I was waiting." He teases, making you chuckle.

"I know, I'm too slow. Sorry." You joke back. "Let's go." You look up at him and he nods.

"How was class?"

"Mm, same old. What about you?"

"It was okay. Another small project I gotta work on."

"Sounds fun." You gently nudge him with your elbow. "Computer Science right?" He nods.

"Public Health?"

"Wow, a point for Jeong Yunho." He laughs.

"Y/N, it's not an entirely huge school. You know a lot of people, and people know you."

"For the wrong reasons, most likely."

"No. Just for being you." He says with a soft smile on his face.

"Are you always this smooth talking to girls?" He laughs and shakes his head.

"Quite the opposite actually. It's just.. easy to talk to you, I guess." He looks down at his feet timidly.

"I'm glad." You chuckle. "So, I'm thinking of taking you to Cafe 24. Does that sound okay?"

"The new brunch place?" He smiles, and it adds a rosy tint to his cheeks. "Cool. I've heard good things about it already."

"Yeah?" You ask in an animated, questioning tone. "Nice. I'm excited."

"Your friends didn't wanna come?" You finally get to your car and toss your bag in the trunk, signaling for Yunho to put his things down as well.

"Hell no. Or else, they'll order everything expecting me to pay." You sigh. "So, nope! This is just for you, especially as my small token of appreciation." Yunho doesn't say anything besides let out a small laugh before hopping into your car and settling in. "By the way, I drive as safely as possible, so please don't make fun of me."

"I won't." Yunho watches as you adjust your seat closer to the wheel. Once you feel content, you start the car and double check your mirrors before pulling out of the spot and driving off.

Luckily, the drive isn't far or else Yunho wasn't sure what he'd do. It's not that he was uncomfortable around you, but he's not used to keeping the small talk alive— let alone engaging and being the first to break the silence.

You seem to understand him well though, because besides the few questions you ask him about the week, you don't push the conversation. 

And it's nice.

He listens to the music you have on, hearing you softly hum in the driver's seat as you carefully navigate the narrow downtown roads and find a spot near the café.

"Sweeeet." He hears you giggle as you pull into a parking spot that just opened up. "We're here!"

"There's not too many people?" Yunho says in a questioning tone as he unbuckles his seatbelt and peeks at the front door. It's busy, but not enough for a wait. You check your phone and take note of the fact that it's still earlier than noon— you and Yunho barely missing the lunch rush. 

"Still early, I guess." You greet one of the staff members and she immediately brings you and Yunho to a table in the back corner. She lays out the menu in front of you, giving you a moment to glaze over the options while she heads to the back to grab water. "Everything looks so good." Yunho chuckles.

"Anything you've been craving for?"

"Something sweet?" Your eyes widen at the sight of 'matcha mochi waffles' on the menu, pondering whether or not you should give in to your sweet tooth or get something a little more filling on the savory side. "But now, I'm torn. I kinda wanna taste the omurice." 

"You can have some of mine?" Yunho was eyeing the omurice anyway, and he doesn't mind sharing some with you.

"Really?" Your eyes sparkle and it makes Yunho's ears turn red. He's feeling shy now because yes, really. Yes, you're cute.

"Yeah, I don't mind." You smile.

"Hm, okay. You can have some of my mochi waffle and bacon?" He shakes his head.

"It's alright, Y/N. It's not a big deal."

"Yes, it is. It's a new brunch place and who knows when we'll be back. You should taste it." He doesn't respond, just simply smiles back at your argument. At this point, the waitress is back with two waters and asks if you two would like anything to drink. Yunho declines, but you happily order a vanilla latte. She asks if you're ready to order, eyes darting to Yunho for some kind of acknowledgement— which he gives to you in the form of a simple nod. She takes down your orders and lets you know that she'll be back with your latte, taking your menus before she's off to the kitchen. "So." Yunho looks at you after he's been people-watching through the window.

"Hm?" He hums.

"Tell me about yourself, Yunho." You say softly. Typically, Yunho hates these kinda things. He'll usually respond very vaguely to cut it off at a certain point. He just doesn't think people need to know much about him, nor does he really find himself interesting. But for now, he'll dive in a little more. He doesn't seem to find the harm in it when it comes to you.

"I don't even know where to start?" He laughs a bit. "I'm not sure what you want to know."

"Anything." The waitress brings your latte and you immediately start blowing at it to cool it down. "Tell me anything."

"I'm an only child?" He starts off with an unsure tone, but you nod in response to reassure him. "Home is two hours away at my aunt's house."

"Sweet. If you don't mind me asking.. have you always lived with your aunt?" 

"Yeah, I have. She's my mom's sister, and my mom is sick." Your eyes soften. "She has kidney issues so she's on dialysis. She's still strong and all, but it's nice that my aunt is there. She helps take care of her and bring her to appointments, especially while I'm away most of the time." You nod quietly.

"What about your dad?" He shrugs.

"Uh, he left when I was young, so I don't really know much about him."

"Shoot. I'm so sorry, Yunho. I didn't mean to—"

"Nah, it's okay. I don't mind talking about it, but I also can't give better responses since I don't know much myself." 

"You must be very close to your mom." Yunho thinks about his mom for a second, taking mental note that he needs to call her later. She has always been so strong, and she's always been Yunho's driving force. Even though he didn't have his dad around, he never felt like he lacked love or support because he mom did a fantastic job covering all of those bases no matter what. 

She never let Yunho down. And he only hopes he can do the same in return.

"I am."

"I can only imagine how tough it is."

"Yeah." He lets out a breath. "But, she's doing well. She's been well for a long time. All I can ask for." You give him a tiny toothless smile.

"I'm glad to hear that."

"W-what about you?" He clears is throat to try and brush off the slight nervousness he feels asking these questions. Surely, you asked about him. But, you wouldn't mind sharing your own facts, right?

"I have an older sister who works in finance. She's 4 years older than me. My parents split up, but my dad still comes around to hang out. They're better this way, I think. Their relationship is much healthier." You also start thinking about your parents, reminiscing about the tough times when they used to fight for days on end. Luckily, you and your sister were close— you could lean onto her like you do with your bestfriends. She tried to protect you and keep you safe as much as possible, tried to shield you from the negativity even though it was hard to. Eventually, your parents had enough and split; though, you'd like to think this was their silver lining since they're much better around each other now.

"I see." Yunho sips his water. "It's nice he's still around."

"Mhm." You tilt your head. "Do you have a lot of friends back home?"

"I wouldn't say lots. A few people that I grew up with still live around my area, but most people have moved."

"That's cool to still see some childhood friends, though." It's your turn to sip. "How do you know Mingi so well?"

"We went to the same high school. We have some common interests, but that's it? We just hang out with different crowds." Yunho shrugs. "Mingi finds certain people and certain things fun that I don't necessarily find fun. He's a big social butterfly."

"Yeah, I see that." You chuckle.

"You and your friends seem really close. Did you meet here?"

"We did." You smile. "Chaery and I were roommates and Soobin and Seungmin lived across the hall from us."

"Did you meet Chaery before you two moved in?"

"Nope. Just that day." You laugh. "Believe it or not. We clicked really well and got close easily. I got lucky with her." At this point, the waitress comes with your plate and tells Yunho she'll be back with his as they're just finishing up in the kitchen. "Then we met Soobin and Seungmin. And they slowly started coming into our room more often. Turned into going to the cafeteria together, to hanging out and studying in our room together."

"That's good. It's always nice to have solid, good friends around."

"Yeah." You look at him. He notices that you aren't eating your food, and he feels bad that you are waiting for him. So, he clears his throat again and mutters out a quick—

"Oh, you don't have to wait for me." He looks at you, then down at your food.

"No, it's okay Yunho. I'll wait." You nod. "Speaking of roommates, are you close to Yeosang?"

"Uh, we're cool, I guess?" He shyly laughs. "We randomly got paired up because we're in the same major." The waitress sets his plate down and he pauses for a brief moment to thank her and asks for an extra plate. When she leaves, he returns his attention back to you. "Anyway. One day, he asked if I knew anyone who needed a roommate. At the time, I was renting a room in this couple's home. I didn't mind it, and they were super friendly. But, I figured having more space would be nice instead of being confined to a room and feeling shy about going into the shared kitchen and bathroom." You laugh.

"I get that, totally understandable." Yunho is splitting some of his omurice [a bit more than you expected] and placing it neatly on the extra plate before scooting it your way. "Wait. Yunho, that's a lot." You look at him worriedly and he shakes his head, continuing to edge the plate towards you.

"No, it's not." You look at him and he gives you a small smile. "Promise."

"Thank you." You say, cutting him a good chunk of your waffle and placing it on the edge of his plate. "I know you said you and Yeosang are cool so.. do you hang out often at home?"

"We'll talk and have dinner sometimes, but most of the time, we're in our rooms playing games." You giggle and Yunho's ears turn red. "Wow, I probably sounded ridiculous saying that."

"No, no. Soobin and Seungmin have a tendency to do that too. As long as it makes you happy and content, right?"

"Mmyeah."

"How often do you go home?"

"Hm, I try to go every other weekend? But, sometimes plans don't work out that way. I just try to go as soon as I can."

"I see." You continue to hold a conversation in between bites, with topics ranging from school, your majors, things your friends have gotten into.

Dancing.

Yunho observes you as you talk about your dance team and how much you enjoy it, and he loves the way your eyes twinkle; the way you animatedly move your hands while describing the team and its accomplishments, the way you giggle in between. He can tell you really enjoy it, and he's truly happy you have something to fall onto when times get rough, something to help celebrate when you're having good days.

He just can't understand how Seonghwa fits in this mix. He doesn't, he shouldn't. You are too good for him, and you have way more to offer.

"So.. yeah, that's us. We're small, but we're fun. And I think people on campus enjoy our pieces." Yunho laughs a bit before finishing up his food. He feels bad since he's never really gone out of his way to watch any of your performances, but maybe he should.

"Let me know when your next one is?"

"You'll come?" You ask with so much hope in your eyes. Yeah, maybe he should this time.

"Yeah, if I don't have anything planned."

"Oh, so we're the backup plan." You tease and Yunho shakes his head.

"No, not like that. You know what I mean. If I'm around and not at home."

"Of course." You tilt your head and smile at him. "I'll text you details later." You set aside your plate and sit back in your seat, feeling stuffed but content with your meal. You call for the waitress to bring over the check, instantly handing off your card in fear of Yunho trying to swoop in. "Oof, I'm full. But, that was so good. I really liked it."

"It was." Yunho sets his own plate aside and sips on some water. "Thanks again, you really didn't have to."

"I did. Small token of appreciation for the help you've been giving me. I've always struggled with these things so having someone patiently explain and walk me through improvements means a lot." You say before getting up and grabbing your things. "Ready?" Yunho nods before following you out. "Are you going to work in the library until class?"

"Probably."

"Do you mind if I join you?" Yunho looks down at you with a small smile.

"Not at all."

You make the trek back to school comfortably, parking in the lot near the library so that you and Yunho won't have to do too heavy of a walk. The both of you are engaging in more small talk, with Yunho feeling a bit more comfortable to joke around with you. He doesn't dare bring up Seonghwa because he knows it isn't his business, but also because he'd hate to see your mood shift.

You look good happy.

Getting back to the library, you scoot yourself into the opposite side of the booth and face Yunho. He immediately pulls out his laptop to do some work, not really saying much as his focus is redirected on trying to understand the new project they were just assigned. He glances over the edge of his laptop from time to time though, and you don't really catch it because you're too immersed in the note-taking you're doing. You write so precisely, so neatly; switching from one colored pen to the next before highlighting in a super straight line. His eyes glance up to your face, your features, before shifting his attention back down to his assignments.

Cutie.

"What's up, Yunho?" Yunho is pulled out of his thoughts when he hears that familiar deep voice. Seonghwa smirks at him before his eyes land on you. You don't look too happy to see him right now, but Yunho knows Seonghwa still has the upper hand here, and honestly, it sucks. "Hey Y/N, can I talk to you?"

"Why?"

"Cause, it's important." He licks his lips when his smile fades. "Please?" Your eyes dart from Yunho, back to Seonghwa. Yunho just quietly glances at you though, trying his best to mind his own business and let you decide on your own. But he's begging, pleading, in his mind that you don't leave with Seonghwa. Not after he left you in the cold the way he did.

Too bad it was a wishful thought.

"Fine." You huff before packing up your things and start to slide out of the booth. "Talk to you later? Thanks for today." You give Yunho a soft, apologetic smile, and he can only nod in acknowledgment before you're walking off next to that asshole. He continues to watch as you two walk down and into a random aisle of books. You can't help but scoff at Seonghwa again when you realize he's hiding because of course he doesn't want too many people in his business and to see you two so close. Of course he needs to do this in the fucking history aisle of the library. "This is your idea of talking?" All he does is chuckle a bit before he's tucking a piece of your hair behind the ear.

"Baby, seriously? Why are you hanging around Yunho so much?"

"Because we're friends?" He snorts.

"Since when? I don't ever recall Yunho being in your little circle."

"Oh my god, Seonghwa. He's been helping me with some assignments. What is this really about?" He shrugs.

"Nothing, I already told you. I'm not trying to share, not with him." You furrow your brows.

"Share?" You scoff. Clearly, you were just a possession to him. "We aren't dating. You made that very loud and clear from the beginning."

"Still. The dude can't even pull his own girl—"

"Stop." You put your hand out and shake your head. "If you're just gonna talk shit, let me get back to doing homework with Yunho. I don't have time for it." He sighs heavily and tries to pull you into him by the elbows.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I just got worried because you didn't answer my text last night."

"Worried over me, or because you weren't getting any?"

"Come on, Y/N. Cut that shit out."

"No, you cut that shit out. It was freezing last night. I fucking waited for you at the spot for an hour."

"And I said I was sorry. I wanted to make it up to you last night but you didn't respond. I feel really bad about it, but what am I supposed to do when you won't even talk to me?"

"Seriously?" You let out a sigh. "Whatever you say." He sucks his teeth and lifts your chin with his finger.

"Baby, I'm trying here. If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be doing this." You simply stare at him. You know he's lying, and you know he genuinely doesn't care about you. There is not one honest bone in his body that actually gives a damn about you. He's telling you what you wanna hear because he knows it'll work every—single—time. 

"I don't know—"

"I'll wait for you until you're done with practice tonight, how about that? You can just shower at my place so we can hang out all night."

"That's the issue, you're never there after practice."

"I will be. I promise." He pouts a bit. "I'll be there waiting for you." He laces your hand with his and kisses the surface. "Walk with me to class?" You look at him, but all you can think about is leaving Yunho. You let out a sigh knowing all you want to do is avoid conflict, shrugging at his question.

"Fine."

"That's my girl." He leads the way out of the aisle, giving Yunho the pettiest nod you've ever seen. You try to avoid eye contact since you felt bad for leaving.

But, fuck. You just needed to get through the day in one peace. 

He swings an arm around you for a second before he sees his friends on the way to class. He gives you a quick peck on the cheek just as he reaches his classroom, leaving you to finish up work at the nearby student center.

The day goes on [peacefully], and you're off to dance practice with your friends. You forget about everything for a moment while you're with them, enjoying the time that you get to spend all together even if it's through dance. They invite you to hang out with the group afterwards, but you politely decline especially when you actually see Seonghwa waiting outside in his car. You give your friends big hugs before waving goodbye, and settle yourself into Seonghwa's car.

He talks about his day for a bit, even as you walk into his apartment and see San eating his dinner. He doesn't really ask about yours, nor does he care enough to. He does ask if you've eaten and if you want some food, but you shake your head and tell him you'll be off to shower and finish your homework in his room. Throughout your shower, you can hear him and San laughing loudly in the dining area before they're going at each other's necks while playing FIFA.

You feel like you're just.. there.

You silently sit against the wall as you type away on your laptop, sighing as Seonghwa and San continue to yell over their last game. You find that you aren't really in the mood to be here, but you hang on to see what Seonghwa's version of 'making it up to you' means.

Should've known it wasn't shit.

Especially when he barges into his room and shuts the door, immediately kissing you before trailing a few soft kisses down your neck. He thinks you're enjoying it, so he keeps peppering your neck even as you gently try to pry him off.

"Hwa." You call his name and he ignores it, fingers slightly fiddling with the waistband of his sweats that you're wearing. "Seonghwa, stop." You say, pushing him back. "Stop." You repeat with a harder push when he almost dips his hand into your sweats.

"W-what? What's wrong?" He furrows his brows when he backs up to read your expression, your body language. Suddenly, you feel out of place, feeling like you wanna go home and be in your own peace.

You did not wanna be here. Not with him.

"I'm just.. not in the mood. Can you take me home?"

"Not in the mood?" He repeats. "What, should I have gone slower? Did I do something—"

"Seonghwa, please just take me home. I'm not asking twice." You say and he lets out a scoff as he hops off the bed and grabs his keys. 

"Alright, whatever." He says, digging his hands into his pockets while walking out of his room. You change into the extra clothes you brought in your duffle bag, setting his clothes neatly into his laundry hamper. You quietly trail behind him as you tug on your bag and watch your feet drag you to his car. You hop in and Seonghwa doesn't say a word, instantly starting up the car and driving off. You can tell he's upset by the way his jaw is clenched, the way his hand tightly wraps around the wheel.

The way he drives.

A rather quick drive becomes even quicker, and you're glad you don't live far from his apartment. This entire ride feels suffocating and you can't wait to leave entirely. He pulls into your lot and brakes near the curb, giving you time to step out of his car. He doesn't give you another look, nor does he say anything— you simply slam the door shut and he races off, leaving before paying you any mind.

Perfect.

This wasn't anything new, but tonight feels awful. You start to feel guilty for whatever happened, though you shouldn't.

You shouldn't feel guilty.

You let out a shaky sigh as you step into your apartment, your roommates not being home since they're out with the dance group. You set your things aside and quickly take a shower before plopping onto your bed and doing.. nothing.

You want to do nothing.

You scroll through your phone as you try your hardest not to let any tears fall. They shouldn't, you did nothing wrong. But everything feels wrong, suffocating.

You hate feeling this way.

Yunho is getting ready to wrap up his work for the day when he sees a body slide into the booth he's currently occupying.

"Sup dude." Mingi says.

"Yo." Yunho responds. "What are you still doing here?" He asks, unfamiliar with Mingi's presence during these evening hours in the library.

"I had to work on a group project." Yunho continues to draft out some notes for his project while Mingi sits back and lets out a breath. "Another project?"

"Yup. How'd your group project go?"

"Eh. It's alright, but we're done. Just need to present." Mingi scrolls through his phone. "I saw you with Y/N earlier." Yunho pauses to briefly look at him before returning his attention back to his notebook. "I didn't know you two knew each other." He chuckles.

"We have literature class together, and I was helping her with some reviews."

"You seem close, though? Have you always been close?" Yunho shrugs at two things— one, he definitely can't say you two are close, and two, how nosy Mingi is being. It must be for Seonghwa.

"Not really. She's cool, though."

"Hm." Mingi hums before putting his phone down on the table. "Yeah, she is. I don't know what Hwa's deal is sometimes."

"Mm, but you would never mention it to him." Yunho teases with a small chuckle, but he means it. He absolutely means it.

"I just feel like it isn't my place to. Me and San have both told him to chill, but can't force someone to act a certain way if they don't want to." Yunho shrugs.

Fine, he thinks. But, Mingi could at least tell the guy when he's wrong and what he's done wrong, right? He would at least hope that's part of their conversations, and he knows Mingi is aware of right vs. wrong. 

No better way than letting someone know the truth. 

Seonghwa is wrong damn near more than half of the time.

"Yeah, I guess." Is all Yunho responds with.

"He does like her, though." Yunho looks at him with tightly-knit brows. What does he mean Seonghwa likes you? That's his way of showing his feelings for you? And it must be obvious that Yunho is feeling a certain way about that statement because Mingi instantly backs it up with a— "I mean like, I know he has some kind of feelings for her. He does more for her than I've seen him do for anyone else. I just don't know why he's stringing her along and not being more serious." 

"Like.. what? Leave her in the cold until he's ready to pick her up? Really shows his feelings." Yunho sarcastically responds. "Anyway, sure. It's not really my business."

"Are you sure?"

"What?"

"You seem interested in her."

"Because we hung out?" Yunho shrugs. "Okay, Mingi."

"I only bring it up because he's mentioned it. Hwa can get pretty protective and jealous. I don't want him to start shit with you—"

"He doesn't need to." Yunho responds. "Not really on me anyway, I'm not the one in the wrong."

"Right, I guess."

"I know he's your friend, but she deserves way better. You can tell me all of this, and it still won't change my mind." Yunho chimes in one last time, completely over the conversation. "If she isn't happy, he shouldn't be selfish enough to continue trapping her." He finishes up his notes before closing his notebook and packing up.

"You're right." Is all Mingi replies with while watching Yunho pack up. Because what can he say? Of course, he agrees. But he has this weird obligation, this loyalty, to Seonghwa because of their friendship.

"I'm gonna head out." Yunho slides to the end of the booth before throwing his bag over his shoulder. "Gonna stay behind?"

"Nah, I'll come with. Wasn't planning on staying any longer." Yunho nods, allowing Mingi to walk alongside of him. He's a little annoyed, but in a weird and unconventional way, he knows Mingi didn't mean any harm. He knows he didn't mean to intentionally attack him. 

Still, though. His point about Park Seonghwa stands.

Yunho continues his walk to the car with Mingi, the topic of discussion now being new game releases and a party that's coming up soon at one of the athlete's homes. Mingi extends the invite to Yunho, but Yunho shakes his head and tells him he doesn't think he'd end up going. He might change his mind if he feels better about it when the time gets closer, but as of now— it feels like a hard no.

Once Yunho and Mingi finally part ways, Yunho climbs into his car and begins his silent drive home. He starts pondering about his day and how he actually really enjoyed it. He feels comfortable enough to be himself around you, and he can't say that for many people.

You are enticing to him.

When he gets home, everything feels still— quiet. The night sky is dotted with stars, while the crickets chirp.

"Mom." He says, parking his car off to the curb and grabbing his things.

"Yunho, baby." She says a bit lowly. "How are you? How was your day?"

"I'm alright, just hanging in there. Had lunch with a friend before working on a few projects." He begins to walk to his apartment. "How are you feeling?"

"Good! Your aunt and I went out for a walk, then shopped for a few things today." Yunho chuckles. 

"Cute. Weather's been nice. Glad you guys have been getting out."

"Yeah, enough about that though. A friend, hm?" She chuckles.

"Yeah." Yunho smiles. "We have the same class together. I've been helping her with some of the assignments."

"So, it's a her." Yunho can hear his aunt giggling in the background, making him roll his eyes.

"Uh huh—" Before he can start lecturing his mom and aunt about how you two are merely friends, classmates, another call comes through on the line. He stops in his tracks and quickly removes the phone from his ear to see who's calling. "Mom, can I call you back in a second? I just got home."

"Okay, get settled. I love you!" She says in a sing-song manner and Yunho laughs a bit.

"Love you too." He responds before ending that call and switching to the next. "Hey. Is everything okay?"

You chuckle on the other line before responding with a shaky: "Why wouldn't things be, Yunho?"

"I don't know. Just wasn't expecting your call, is all."

"I'm sorry, are you busy? I'm so dumb, I really shouldn't have—"

"It's okay, Y/N. Seriously. I just got home from the library." He steps inside his apartment finding that Yeosang is in his beloved cave, yelling at his computer screen per usual. He walks into his room and places his things down, settling onto his computer chair with a soft sigh.

"Okay." You haven't said much and it's obvious to Yunho that something is indeed wrong. You needed someone and you turned to Yunho for comfort.

God, he sucks at this. But, he wants to be there for you.

"What's going on?"

"Huh? Nothing. I just wanted to check on you." He chuckles.

"I don't get very far, Y/N. Don't worry." Silence. "What's bothering you?"

"How do you know something's bothering me?"

"I can practically hear you thinking from here." You giggle and it warms Yunho's heart. At least his effort is somewhat working.

"I.. was at Seonghwa's not too long ago. And I just didn't wanna be there. I asked him to take me home and he was upset. I don't know why I feel bad about it."

"Feel bad? What is there to feel bad about?"

"Maybe I should've asked him in a better way, I don't know. I felt suffocated and demanded rather than politely telling him."

"Y/N, you don't owe him anything. You don't need to explain anything to him. He doesn't need to be upset about you going home because that's your own choice. He's mad because he didn't get his way for once. Still not your problem." You let out a shaky sigh and a tear manages to slide down your cheek. This was so dumb, you shouldn't have called Yunho to vent about this.

"This must sound so dumb, I'm sorry Yunho—"

"It's not dumb. Don't be sorry." Silence, again. "I hope you know that if things don't get better, you were never in the wrong. You don't need him."

"I know." Yunho doesn't say much because he doesn't wanna attack you or make you feel worse. So, he sits there. Listening to you breathe.

Listening to you sigh, be upset.

"Yunho?"

"Mhm?"

"I'm sorry for leaving you behind earlier."

"It's okay, you don't have to apologize."

"Mind if I join you at the library again tomorrow?" He softly smiles to himself and nods as if you can see him.

"You're always welcome to join me."

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @marsattacks @mxnsxngie @h-nji @mundayoonimnida @jalapeno-princess @nakiiko @asjkdk [bold = can’t tag 🥺]

[kwillow]

Ambroys basking in his cache of gifts and sweet words from secret admirers. Gotta be careful, though. If his ego is inflated any more, he'll pop.

(I wanted to doodle something to accompany a post answering some messages regarding this candy-colored cad but got a bit carried away. :P Well regardless, asks under the cut!)

Why thank you! He would drunkenly insult people, though he tends to be more passive-aggressive and backhanded rather than outright insulting - well, most of the time, anyway. He thinks he's a lot more subtle in his derogatory comments than he actually is.

Aaaw, this is too sweet!

Older Ambroys is much more reserved about seeking and accepting physical affection than his younger self, for myriad reasons (that one day I will expound upon in more detail, fate willing). He still enjoys it, though.

He's still proud of the stars on his cheeks and the gold in his hair and all that, but the signs of age are something he is not at peace with. For some, like the wrinkles, they're a sign that his time on this earth is finite - and death terrifies him. For others, like his paunch, it's more just embarrassing to him in a more mundane and vain "I was voted Prom King in high school and I was on the Varsity track team now look at me I'm an old man boo hoo hoo" type of way (though he's actually more physically adept in his older age than he was when he was younger for Magical Heritage Bullshit reasons, the sentiment remains).

As for your question, it's totally fine with me for Ambroys to be portrayed as non-heterosexual in fanfic or fanart or one's secret imaginings. Even though all of his "canon" love interests are women, I wouldn't rule out of the possibility of him developing affections for someone who isn't a woman. Chase your bliss!

Haha well both furry and aasimar Ambroys would bask in the attention, though poor aasimar Ambroys' jealousy is not going to be helped!

No shame on being a furry though. I didn't consider myself one either but I feel like it's harder to make the argument that I'm not given the sheer number of ponies I've drawn by now...

He would accept this, so long as you don't mess up his hair.

He would say: "good!" I would say "don't waste your life on him!"

Oh he would be pleased to be so distracting, I'm sure.

And sometimes we can't help but to have a type... I know I seem to have a thing for rich effete douchebags with buck teeth and big pointy noses... not quite sure what's up with that.

Yessss... yesssssssss... or perhaps I should say "I'm sorry."

I didn't mean to make him this way... I guess I underestimated the power of a brushable mane.

Ambroys DOES like being worshipped (way too much and way too literally, as you might be able to tell) but he wants to have his imperfections hidden if he can!

He's just horribly, horribly vain and unwilling to let go of his youth... even though he got to enjoy being youthful for three times as long as a mortal would.

YES that song is on his playlist (which I have for all my main characters because I'm a dork). It's just too perfect. One of the many ideas on my miles-long to do list has to do with depicting a scene from that song. The trouble is that it has to do with dancing, and boy am I not very good at drawing dancing poses. xD Oh well, gotta try for the boy!

Heh well I think we could agree that a normal horse probably couldn't pull off the breeches he wears quite so well... I'm flattered that you think of him when you see horsies in the flesh! Huzzah, I've ruined one of the Earth's beautiful creatures for you! >:)

Oh wow, my guy is stepping out of my brain and into other people's subconsciouses... I need to put a leash on him. :P But this was a fun read!

It's very in character Ambroys to try to undercut a rival's self-esteem by framing it as something OTHER people say, but oh no, he'd NEVER say something like that, of course. Mean girl behavior. He does have friends that don't actually like him - and he doesn't like them either. But one needs to have friends for appearance's sake - just one more accessory, really!

OKAY, I think that's everything! Or at least enough for this post, ahah.

Thanks to everyone for your kind words on my not-so-kind character.

Unlike him, I'm really humbled and grateful by the positive reception he's received. I deeply appreciate your kind messages... even when it takes me eons to reply to them, gah.

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess by Chappell Roan (Part I)

FEMININOMENON

Same old story, time again.

Got so close but then you lost it.

Should've listened to your friends.

You sent him pictures and playlists and phone sex.

Let's get coffee.

Let's meet up.

I'm so sick of online love.

I don't understand, why can't any man...

Can you play a song with a fucking beat?

Make a bitch go on and on.

It's a femininomenon.

So, let's say it's working out.

You pretend to love his mother.

He's such a goddamn good lover.

Got what you wanted, so stop feeling sorry.

You know what I mean.

You know what you need.

But does it happen?

RED WINE SUPERNOVA

She was a playboy.

She showed me things I didn't know.

She did it right there out on the deck.

I'm in the hallway waitin' for ya.

I just want you to make a move.

Slow down, sit down.

I just wanna get to know ya.

Guess I didn't quite think it through.

Fell in love with the thought of you.

Baby, why don't you come over?

Let's pick it up now.

I don't care that you're a stoner.

I like what you like.

It's my type.

Want me to fuck you?

I will 'cause I really want to.

I've got a California king.

Okay, maybe it's a twin bed.

Don't worry, we're cool.

I heard you like magic.

I've got a wand and a rabbit.

Let's get freaky.

AFTER MIDNIGHT

Nothing good happens when it's late and you're dancing alone.

It's not attractive wearing that dress and red lipstick.

This is what I wanted.

This is what I like.

I've been a good girl for a long time.

I like flirting.

Can't be a good girl even if I tried.

I'm feeling kinda freaky.

Maybe it's the club lights.

I kinda wanna kiss your girlfriend if you don't mind.

I love a little drama.

Everything good happens after midnight.

Maybe it's the moonlight.

Let's watch the sunrise.

I really want your hands on my body.

That’s my type of fun.

That's my kind of party.

Baby, put your hands up.

Be a freak in the club.

COFFEE

Can't meet you for dinner.

It's where I met your family.

Some words were exchanged.

We know where that leads.

I'll meet you for coffee.

I know that's a lie.

If I didn't love you, it would be fine.

Nowhere else is safe.

Every place leads back to your place.

He said let's do the park.

God forbid it gets dark.

I'd rather feel something than nothing at all.

We've done this before.

I don't need it anymore.

Let's not do coffee.

Let's not even try.

It's better we leave it.

It's never just coffee.

CASUAL

My friends call me a loser.

I'm still hanging around.

I've heard so many rumors.

I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch.

I thought you thought of me better.

We're not together.

Baby, no attachment.

Is it casual now?

I know what you tell your friends.

Get me off again.

I love being stupid.

Dream of us in a year.

Maybe we'd have an apartment.

It's hard being casual.

I try to be the chill girl that holds her tongue and gives you space.

I try to be the chill girl but honestly, I'm not.

You wonder why I'm bitter?

I get off when you hit it.

I hate to tell the truth.

I'm sorry dude you didn't.

I hate that I let this drag on so long.

I hate myself.

You can go to hell.

SUPER GRAPHIC ULTRA MODERN GIRL

Never waste a Friday night on a first date.

But there I was, In my heels with my hair straight.

This man wouldn't dance.

He didn't ask a single question.

He was wearing these fugly jeans.

It doesn't matter though.

He doesn't have what it takes to be with a girl like me.

I know what I want

I'm through with all these hyper mega bummer boys like you.

I need a super graphic ultra modern girl like me.

Look at her moving.

She's the one

Oh yeah, I need a super graphic ultra modern girl like me

Get up off your feet.

Get up on that bar.

Flash the camera.

You're a star.

HOT TO GO!

I could be the one.

It's all in my head.

I don't want the world.

Who can blame a girl?

Call me hot, not pretty

Baby, do you like this beat?

I made it so you'd dance with me.

You can take me hot to go.

I try not to care but it hurts my feelings.

You don't have to stare, comе here, get with it.

No one's touched me there in a damn hot minute.

I made it so you'd sleep with me.

What's it take to get your number?

What's it take to bring you home?

Hurry up, it's time for supper.

Order up, I'm hot to go.

Hurry up, it's getting cold.

Whew, it's hot in here.

Is anyone else hot?

You coming home with me?

I'll call the cab.

[shipcestuous]

Valentine's Day Challenge/Event

Unfortunately, at Christmas I didn't have the time to make our incest Christmas movie event happen - hopefully happening Christmas 2024! - but there was some discussion about doing something for Valentine's Day instead. I'm not going to call it a contest because I don't want it to be a competition, but it would have the general vibe of a contest, in the sense that people will be encouraged to create and submit. More of a challenge, I guess.

Here's my idea for the event:

Participants will create content [in the medium(s) of their choice] based on a prompt, and then submit it to my blog or send me a link to a rebloggable tumblr post. I'll post the submissions into a specific tag for the event (this tag). (And I'll try to be very timely about this and check my inbox every day.) The plan will be to have all submissions in by February 13th (but I'll still post late submissions, of course), but as I said, there won't be a winner. Submissions can be anonymous, using a nickname, using your username, or whatever you want.

This is what I was thinking for the prompt, which can be for original characters or characters from popular media, as long as it's an incestuous relationship:

Not Together Yet - How the incest pairing of your choice ended up on a date on Valentine's Day. The general idea is that they're not an established couple and this happened accidentally or through a series of unforeseen circumstances. Or it's not supposed to be a date, but by the end of the night it basically was one. Not a date but totally a date.

Established Couple - How the planned romantic date of the incest pairing of your choice ended up going awry and they ended up doing something completely different but still romantic in the end.

(Fantasy/historical settings are welcome to pretend like Valentine's Day exists more or less like it does in the present-day real world, or to create an equivalent holiday. Or to use an anniversary.)

Hopefully those prompts make sense and are sparking ideas already.

Other Guidelines:

Must focus on a pairing of familial/related characters, who either are already together or aren't together yet but eventually will be/will want to be (whether or not that falls within the events of the submission) = shippy content. Stepcest, cousins, etc. all fine - no restrictions on that.

Submissions can take any form that addresses the prompt - plot summary, fic or ficlet, art, mood board or collage, art, graphics/edits, poem, fanvid, playlist, etc. I assume a typical submission will be a description of events based on the prompt, similar to a movie synopsis, and an accompanying image, but it doesn't have to be that.

You can make multiple submissions if you want to.

No NSFW images or anything that is in conflict with Tumblr's rules. Anything questionable, controversial, risky, or potentially offensive will likely not be posted for the sake of the blog.

The entire submission has to be contained within a single tumblr post. But double posting is fine - put it on AO3 or whatever you want.

I can also create the post myself if you provide me with the content, especially if you're having trouble submitting. (And I believe if you use an incognito browser you should be able to submit anonymously.)

I wanted to have my own submission ready when I posted this, but it's not quite there yet.

What do you guys think? I'll make a second promotional post in a few days that is less long-winded and will be better for reblogging. I imagine this will be a small event, but it will be fun to have even a few to browse through.

I'm definitely interested in suggestions for something low-key that doesn't involve a lot of moderation/facilitation for the future. (And if anyone wants to take on something more ambitious, or a fic-a-thon, I would be happy to step aside and support and promote it.)

[hmmidnight-hunt]

Day 4 — Ghost

“Away from prying eyes”

Part 1.

Kinktober day 4: Teratophilia — GN!Reader, Monster!Ghost

NSFW, MDNI — TW: Depiction of murder and violence, blood, vague descriptions of s3xual acts, paranormal

If I can recommend anything for this one, it’s to add Glow by Snow Wife to your playlist while you read it. Absolutely obsessed by this song. Hope y’all enjoy this one as much as I did writing it <3 -Midnight

It’s sweaty. Stuffy. Humid and oppressive. The loud sounds, the overly bright lights, the strangers bumping into you, the yelling.

You are having the time of your life.

Genuinely, this is one of the best Halloween parties you’ve ever been invited to. I guess illegal raves have that charm. Everyone is dancing and laughing, alcohol flowing freely in the guests’ cups, there’s that one cute guy grinding on behind you.

His hands are settled on your waist, although a bit touchy-feely with everything else. You’ve lost track of time, unable to even tell when he first snuck up upon you to start and whisper all sorts of dirty things in your ear.

Not that you’d heard anything over the deafeningly loud music.

It’s a stranger, and maybe that’s part of the thrill. You two are sharing a moment, and soon enough it’ll be gone, just like it never existed. It’s exciting.

“Want to ditch?” You offer, lulling your head back against the man’s torso to almost yell in his ear. It makes him wince. It makes you laugh.

“‘Course.”

You turn around and grab his hand. It’s easy, finding a hot ex frat boy willing to follow you home and spend the night with you. It’s easy, and it’s how you like it. With a gentle tug, you guide him through the dense crowd, hips swaying their way out. The nameless man licks his lips as he follows, gaze wandering down on the way the rainbow flashing lights highlight your body with each step.

The cold autumn air greets your exposed skin with a sharp bite as soon as you step out into the night. The stranger soothes the shivers on your spine with a caress. Maybe an attempt at coming off as romantic. It doesn’t work very well when you’re quite literally leading the man towards your car for some adult fun.

It isn’t much warmer inside the red Vauxhall Astra MK1, but at the very least it shields you from the wind outside. The passenger door shuts right as you make contact, engaging the reverse gear to back out of the tight spot the vehicle is parked in.

“What’re ya doin’, doll?” The stranger asks, raising a brow at you.

“I’m not a fan of prying eyes… I know a spot close to here.” It’s the truth. You smile at him, innocence mixing with the enticing glimmer that dances in your eyes.

“Alrighty then. You’re a needy one, yeah? Skipping right to the main course…” He laughs, and you feel a hand slip over your thigh.

It is a quick drive to the nearby forest, the rave’s sounds now only a distant mutter. The full moon is beautiful, shining silver down upon the bright red paint of your car. She plays hide and seek behind passing trees. Your passenger gets impatient. You pull up and stop the engine, parking it close to a small river stream.

It’s beautiful. It’s peaceful. It’s perfect.

“And I’m the needy one?” You chuckle, turning to him. He mirrors your laughter, fingertips inching higher between your legs. He does not answer, but he does lean in to kiss you, his other arm resting on the top of your car seat – right behind your head.

The man stops right in his tracks. “D’you hear that?” There’s a tinge of nervousness in his voice when he turns his head to look into the depths of the woods.

“No, keep going… Or we can leave if you’re afraid,” you tease, biting the fat of your bottom lip. Men like him never back down when you question their ego. His lips twist into a carnal grin.

“Ah, you wish,” He replies.

Things get heated quickly; hands get lost grabbing at each other’s bodies, unbuttoning shirts and pants, pulling on hair. The jock moans into your neck, tongue busy tasting your warm skin. “I’m gonna show ya what a real man feels like, babe.” His tone is so cocky it makes you snicker. Still, you arch your back and part your legs, just like he expects.

“Yeah? Go on then, pretty boy, show me what you’re made of.”

You close your eyes, anticipation curling your lips into a foxy grin. He hums in satisfaction, ego swollen with pride at your words.

There’s a bit of ruffling, wet sounds reaching your ears, movement over you. The wind feels cold on your skin. You bite back a smile when whimpers fill up the car and drown out the radio. You don't even realise how your thighs press together, intoxicated in the moment.

Suddenly, a warm liquid seeps through your remaining clothes. You gasp, soon followed by a light chuckle. “Already? You didn’t even let the fun start. You made a mess in my car…” You note, opening your eyes, “Again.”

Again? Wasn’t he a stranger? What do you mean, again?

There’s blood everywhere around you, on you, staining the seats, soaking the carpet. And two yellow orbs looking back at you.

“You know I hate when they put their filthy hands on you,” The shadow growls. “They touch what’s mine, they die. Simple math.”

The car door opens with a click, phantom tendrils of pure darkness filling the car up and curling around your body. Slowly, it lifts you and pulls you out of the Vauxhall. It’s gentle, but it’s possessive.

You smile, wrapping your arms around the concealed humanoid shape you are pressed against. There is blood dripping from his mouth. God, you’ve never wanted to kiss him more than you do now.

“Hey there, Ghost…”

[dansconcepts]

Quirky RC!Hajime - Talentsharer Drabble

Hajime sharing someone’s Ultimate if he touches them (or vice versa) would make SDR2 sillier, probably, and this is my evidence.

Behind The Scenes: “Ultimate Talentsharer? What the hell, that's not even a talent! How can you be good at something that's not even measurable?” Junko sighs. “No, fuck you, that's total bullshit! ...What? He's still able to share talents? What do you mean 'it's canon now'-?! Hey! Hey!” Manicured hands yeet her phone. “Ugh! He's supposed to be a normie, a basic bitch, just a regular fucking guy! What am I supposed to do now?!”

What is my talent? Hajime ponders to himself. The wind blows through the trees, caressing his face softly as he sighs, before turning to the white-haired guy next to him.

“You really want to help me figure out what my talent is?” 

Komaeda shrugs, a smile on his face. “Yes. I imagine it’ll be quite fun. I’m sure it’ll be a talent full of hope!”

Man, this guy is so nice. “Alright, but how do I start?”

The Lucky Student looks away for a second. “Hmm. Well, since we’re on the beach right now, maybe we could see if you’re the Ultimate Swimmer, or an athlete of some kind?”

Grayish eyes start roaming over his figure, studying him, and he can feels his face start to warm. He shakes it off. “I guess I’ll swim for a bit.” If only to stop myself from overheating. “You’re free to time me.”

He tosses his shirt off-

“Oh!”

Hajime blinks. “Is something wrong?”

“No, ahem, not at all, sorry.” He grins sheepishly. “I just didn't expect you to do that so suddenly.”

“Why? Do I look bad?” He frowns. Although he doesn't remember much, he does know he was pretty devoted to his exercise routine for a while in preparation for being a Hope's Peak student. But he didn't fill out in the way he was hoping for, so maybe... He looks down at himself.

From the corner of his eyes, he sees white hair swishing and hands moving as Komaeda frantically shakes his head. “No! I didn't mean anything like that! You have an amazing physique. I apologize that I even sounded like I was insinuating otherwise.”

'Physique'? Who says it like that? He huffs, amused, even though he can feel his chest puff with a little pride. With careful folds, he rests his shirt into a pink, as if sunburnt, Komaeda's hands. He's so pale, it makes sense he'd be red even with the breeze...

Hajime tips his toes into the water. The chill sends shockwaves through his body as he cringes at the sensation. He takes a deep breath and tries again. He starts walking in further and further, watching the water rise as he slowly submerges inside. While he's pretty sure he knows how to swim, he doesn't feel anything particularly special when he gets in.

Komaeda calls him back after a bit. “Well, you’re definitely fit, from the looks of it.” He grins. “But it still looked pretty average.”

Yeah, I figured as much. Hajime sighs.

“Oh, there's always more hope, Hinata! Why don't we try something else? Like...” He turns, before whipping back to him. “How about music?”

With that, they head to the Titty Typhoon for some instruments. On their way, Ibuki plows into Hajime.

“Oof!” He exclaims.

“Whoa whoa whoa!” The musician staggers on her feet, her arms flailing. Komaeda reaches out to steady her. “Thanks Nagi-chan! Sorry, Hajimeme!”

Hajime breathes. “It’s alright, Ibuki.”

“What are you in a rush for?” Nagito asks.

“Ibuki promised Kazu she’d help him with a playlist for one of his little machiney-sheens and she mayyyyyyy be running late!” She blurts out. “Sorry, gotta blast!”

She runs off. 

Hajime sighs. He can hear her frantic apologies to Souda. Guess he wasn’t that far. 

They keep going. You should escape, skip town / No more excuses / Abandon ship or drown / No more excuses. The song plays in his head. When they reach Titty Typhoon, him and Komaeda peruse the spare instruments available, with Nagito grabbing the microphone stand.

“A mic?” Hajime eyes it dubiously.

“You have a nice voice.” Komaeda comments.

“H-huh?” Shit, was I humming out loud?  

Nagito hums. “Maybe that’s your talent. How about you sing something?”

He definitely doesn't recall having much of an interest in singing or even doing it ever, so if he’s the Ultimate Singer, it sure would seem strange. But that guitar…

He picks it up and strums. He doesn’t remember owning a guitar, but he must have if he knows how to play it already. As if muscle memory kicks in, he starts playing opening notes and the words escape his mouth, singing along to the song previously in his head.

When he’s done, he steals a look at Nagito, who is looking at him with wide eyes. “Um, we already have an Ultimate Musician, so maybe you’re the Ultimate Guitarist? ...Trash like me’s opinion is useless though.”

Hajime presses on. “But what did you think?”

“I-” Nagito pauses. “I thought it was amazing. You have a really powerful voice.”

Hajime grins. Something in him feels the silliest urge to hug him. He ignores it, and just puts a hand on his shoulder instead. “Thanks.” 

“W-well again, I really-!”

“No. If it wasn’t for you, I’d have no idea what my talent could be. So thanks.”

Later on, Komaeda exits to grab Ibuki for a second opinion, and Hajime attempts to replicate his performance. He's on the stage again. It feels strange to be at the center, having pairs of eyes on him, even if it's just Komaeda and Ibuki.

The microphone feels foreign in his hands, the guitar even more so. This doesn't feel right anymore. What did he do earlier? Just move his hands on strings? He does that. Simultaneously, his voice cracks when he opens his mouth. He wants to evapourate into a damn puddle.

“It's okay if you're nervous, Hajimemey!” Ibuki yells, “I get those kind of jitters allllllll the time! What works for me is feeling the music!”

Yeah, just feel the music Hajime... “Haha, sorry.” He tries to laugh off. “Let me try again.”

This time, he starts gentle, singing first before grabbing onto the guitar. He strums, and-

SNAP!

The guitar string breaks. He barely even did anything!

Loud feedback starts playing on the speakers, and Ibuki yelps, covering her ears.

Komaeda immediately steps towards the speakers, yanking the plug off with a ferocity he didn't expect him to have. “Um. My apologies. It must have been my luck that caused the speakers to turn loud. Are you alright?” 

“I’m...” Horrified. “fine. I'm sorry, Ibuki. I even broke the guitar string too...”

The musician rubs at her ears. “Ah, Hajim-jim, it's all good! I'm just gonna go repair the guitar string. Ibuki just needs to find a spare.”

Hajime looks down, embarrassed at wasting her time. And oh, would you look at that? A white string is right next to him. How lucky. He grabs it, going, “Is this it?”

“WAH! Perfect! Thanks!” She grins, snatching it out of his hand. She grabs the broken guitar and immediately runs off again.

And he's left with Komaeda once more. He chuckles sheepishly. “...On second thought, maybe this isn’t my talent and just beginner’s luck?” 

“Undoubtedly.” The white-haired student shoots out. “Without a question.”

He barks out a laugh. God, was he really that bad? He reflects on it. No, yeah, he was pretty bad.

They go around, tidying the place with amicable silence.

Suddenly, loud sirens start blaring throughout the island. He whips to Komaeda, whose eyes are just as wide as his. They both immediately rush out. A flurry of movement is caught in the corner of his eye as he runs past, meeting most of his classmates at the beach. There's confused noises and fingers pointing at the sea in front of them.

What is everyone looking at? He wonders. He looks out into the horizon.

What was originally calm and serene now had some kind of bump, as if a large wave was incoming. But that's impossible, right?

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Monokuma pops up behind them. “What the hell is this? Why'd the tsunami warning alarms go off?!” Oh, of course that's it... what is happening today? “Hell, I didn't even know we had those!” His red eye glowers. “What did you crazy kids do?!”

“We didn't do shit!” Fuyuhiko roars. “Is this supposed to be another motive? I thought you said you couldn't hurt us directly!”

“Ah, yes... this is totally a part of the plan... NOT!” The bear growls.

Monomi shuffles out from behind Monokuma, sobbing, “Oh, this is so bad!”

“Shut up! I'm trying to figure out how to fix this!”

“This must be my fault...” Nagito sighs. “I'm sorry everyone. But we can only unite during this moment of despair to create a newfound hope!” His words are immediately washed away with everyone screaming and crying.

“Hajibro!” A familiar voice yells, and upon turning his head, he sees Souda approaching him, and quickly. “It was nice knowing you!” The mechanic hugs him desperately.

“Everyone, we must start to evacuate!” Sonia yells. Gundham nods. “The god of darkness may greet our souls, and I shall defeat him before we descend into his realm!”

There's no way this is how it ends! He hasn't even figured out his talent yet! Why does it have to be like this? Surely, there's gotta be something that can be made to counteract this... He'll need fuel, a large fan, maybe? Wheels to ensure it can be moved... steel... a wall?

“I have an idea!”

Hajime shares his idea with Kazuichi, who blinks tears out of his eyes and peers up at him curiously. “Didn't know you were into mechanics, Hajime. Man, you really do listen to my rambles! This is why you're my soul bro!” It's definitely not that, but I'll let him have this. He nudges Souda to focus, damn it. “Oh, yeah! I could see that working. The problem is we don't really have the parts on this island for any of that...”

“It's impressive you came up with that in such short notice, Hajime. Maybe you're the Ultimate Inventor?” Nagito tilts his head. As much as Hajime would love to address that- it's a really good point actually- there's not enough time anymore!

The water gets closer and closer, its wave oh so high-

before crashing against the beach, providing them a gentle mist while soaking the sand and settling back into serene waters.

“What?!” Hiyoko screeches. “How in the hell are we not dead?!”

Mikan wipes away tears of relief. “It looked much more threatening earlier...”

“Our hope was high, thanks to Hinata! It turned our luck around!”

“Awesome!” Akane yells out victoriously.

Yeah, I don't know about that Komaeda... I'm just glad nothing bad happened.

“Okay, I'm back!” Monokuma's voice rings. The bear does a double take at the scene in front of him. “What the hell?! It's gone?! Damn it! All that work for nothing!”

[electricea]

SHIPPING INFO. Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What’s your OTP for your muse(s)?

I don't really have any OTP for him but I do have a bias for any ship that involves a fellow Phantom Thief since I do think there's already a strong foundation for trust and friendship there and to me, the progression to a romantic relationship would feel more natural.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

I'd say most anything - like I've even said in my rules that I'm willing to do fade to blacks or to state or infer our muses have a sexual relationship (provided they would both be adults in said relationship) - I really only draw the line at writing sex/sexual acts or smut. I don't wish to write any of that and I'm not comfortable with it. Also, any sort of toxic or problematic relationship where it's abusive - physically, verbally, emotionally or otherwise - or in which one party is grooming the other or ignoring the other muse's boundaries or consent.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

For his main verse in which he's a teenager, I'd say I draw the line at shipping with eighteen, maybe nineteen year old muses - won't go any older than that if Ryuji is going to remain sixteen or seventeen. As for any alternate verses where he's aged up - that would honestly depend on the nature of the ship itself and how big the age gap is - but broadly, I'd say as long as they're both consenting adults, I don't see any issues - but with that being said, I probably wouldn't exactly be keen on shipping a freshly eighteen year old Ryuji with a thirty year old, for example.

Are you selective when shipping?

I don't really feel that I am - I look for chemistry first and foremost and I go from there - generally if someone expresses shipping to me or offers up a muse they'd like to ship with Ryuji then in nine out of ten instances, I'd say I'm pretty inclined to say yes - so long as the relationship isn't inappropriate or doesn't involve an adult being shipped with a teenager - also I guess what I try to keep an eye out and really look for is how that muse treats Ryuji - because if they're rude to him and don't really treat him all that well, then I would expect that to change - I'm not doing a ship where he continues to be treated like dirt.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

Any removal of clothes or touching is where I'd consider it NSFW, personally.

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

You don't have to explicitly ask - but bear in mind I'm not a mind reader so engagement on things like shipping calls, sending shippy memes does generally help because I am truly oblivious and have no clue when another mun is also interested in shipping - and to be fair, I do my part as well - I try to make shipping calls and show interest in shipping with others, so it's not just a one way street.

How often do you like to ship?

I kind of feel like I haven't shipped all that often lately - or at least, not many new ships - but I'd like to change that. Shipping's always quite fun.

Are you multiship?

Yep! Sorry, but shipping is just way too much fun to restrict it to only muse and plus I think part of the fun in being multi ship is that it allows you to explore a wide array of ships with all sorts of different muses and I try to treat each ship as its own individual, separate thing - so there's no cheating, no two-timing going on. There are no favourite ships, just a ton of really awesome ones with some amazing muns that I treasure equally.

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

Uh, is there a neither option for this question? I like talking ships but I'm not ship obsessed - I don't do the Spotify playlists and moodboards, the matching promos or drabbles, etc - but I do enjoy and appreciate them - and it's not as though I'm indifferent to or annoyed by ships. I just like them and I like sharing headcanons whenever one pops into my head.

What is your favourite ship in your current fandom?

I don't really have a favourite ship - that's part of the fun of Persona, yeah? Gotta ship 'em all! (So long as we're excluding the Joker ships with the actual adult women lmao.)

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Uhh, send me shippy memes, like my shipping call, just come running into my dm's, say you want to ship? Just say it outright honestly - I'm not great at picking up on clues or hints, so yeah I might need to hear it actually confirmed by the other mun that they do in fact want to ship, but once I know, I'm happy to get the ball rolling.

Tagged by: @gamenu (Thank you!)

Tagging: Whoever would like to give this a go!

[kimbapisnotsushi]

sou !! hello !! this is also random and specific but i saw the datekou headcanon post and i was wondering. might you have any inarizaki road trip hcs?

i didn't until you asked me so LET'S GO

oh god you thought dateko was bad??? they were only stuck in the car for thirty minutes at MOST

(or something idk i haven't quite mapped out their geography yet but miyagi is a coastal prefecture and sendai isn't like SUPER far inland, so i'm just making assumptions out here)

but anyways. kurosu is driving obviously as much as he moans and groans about it

shoutout to the coaches btw they are CARRYING these headcanons

realistically i guess they'd road trip to another school for a training camp or like idk. maybe hot springs for some r&r bc inarizaki def has the budget for it but in my heart they road trip to suna's hometown during one of the breaks so suna can see his family <333

i guess it also kind of depends on WHERE in hyogo and aichi they are but we could get a solid 4-5 hours of driving if it was from, say, asago to tahara

kita makes a list of all the snacks everyone wants and rounds up aran, oomimi, and akagi to help him raid the market/convenience store like the old hunter-gatherer days

they end up with two massive tote bags of drinks, chips, cookies, and other miscellaneous snacks and one cooler for things like puddings and cakes and whatnot

oomimi sits shotgun because kurosu needed someone to help with directions and everyone else was on "make sure the miyas don't kill each other before we get there" duty

they all thought that kita was brilliant for making atsumu sit in the back and osamu up front because even tho they're separated the twins will NOT stop bickering and trying to throw random pieces of trash at each other. poor riseki gets caught in the crossfire the most often

they all converged to make one giant road trip playlist so you've got the weirdest mix of pop rock/bubblegum/k-pop/city pop, lofi, indie soft rock, show tunes and soundtracks, and more

(i named those genres with certain charas in mind so like. have fun figuring that out!)

nobody's willing to take a nap in fear of what the twins might do to each other when they're not looking

they play really stupid games like the alphabet-chain game and i spy and even try for a few rounds of truth or dare because, hey, there's nothing like being stuck in a car with your fellow teenagers for four hours to set the mood for emotionally vulnerable bonding time, right?

anyways. everyone learns that gin is afraid of heights and all sorts of horror movies, akagi would like to get his ears pierced some day, kosaku got rejected in middle school in front of his entire class and has refused to fall in love since, and suna takes pictures to capture the memory of a place he does not want to forget

(sorry i'm being emo about suna missing home again i'll stop)

kurosu is sweating BUCKETS in the front seat btw. "oh my god what do i do with this information am i supposed to talk to them i'm their TEACHER i'm supposed to guide them i do NOT get paid enough for this - "

a shame, really, considering inarizaki could definitely afford to give that man a raise

it's okay they get some really funny dares like daring gin to text his crush a totally random and weird question

(and thank god atsumu has his phone tucked away in his bag)

there's not a whole lot of dares they can do in the car tbh so they get really creative like daring osamu to eat this absolutely evil concoction of mixing tiramisu pudding into a bag of spicy chips and eating the whole thing

he does. nobody knows how he survived it

and then riseki dared both osamu AND atsumu to shut up and sit down and not even so much as GLANCE each other for the rest of the trip

this was at, like, the 1.5 hour mark btw

and okay he didn't say it EXACTLY like that because riseki is a sweet respectful underclassman but that WAS the closest to snapping he's ever gotten

they do stop occasionally here and there to get out and stretch their legs, but this makes their trip even longer bc it takes like thirty minutes each time to wrangle everyone and get them back in the van

also akagi is trying out his most terrible pickup lines. or antipickup lines. either one works

akagi: "are you lactose? because i can't tolerate you ;)" aran: "PLEASE, MAKE HIM STOP"

the only reason aran feels like he isn't completely suffering is because gin is sitting next to him and gin is kind of soothing like a cute pet would be. not that aran is thinking of gin as a pet nooooo ahahaha that would be weird

meanwhile gin is wondering why aran keeps trying to feed him crackers

they finally get to suna's hometown after being on the road for SIX AND A HALF HOURS

and while everyone is happy to be outside soaking up the sun and fresh air, they're all going to miss the bonding of being stuck in a van perhaps just a little bit

it's all right, they've got the return trip to look forward to

(made 100x worse when akagi busts out a drinking game and proclaims they should play with juice boxes, but that's a story for another time)

[dapperappleton]

Music Bokuto and Akaashi would listen to

A/N: If you have any ideas of what either of them would listen (especially Bokuto) to I genuinely would like to hear. Put it in the comments/reblogs or send an ask or something, I legitimately want to hear it.

Bokuto

I think he would listen to modern rock

I can't think of many bands in particular

Maybe he'd listen to some og like 70/80s rock but I don't think he'd listen to it frequently

He loves Fall Out Boy and stuff like that where's it's not quite pop punk but still close

I could also see him really liking 80s-90s Japanese pop

It's just kinda funny to think of him listening to that genre but canonically that's probably what he grew up listening to

When I look for playlists for him on spotify it's always rap and hip hop

Which makes sense I guess, like if he was an actual high schooler right now that's probably all he'd listen to

But I feel like canonically that doesn't seem like something he'd actively listen to

Hearing someone else play it or if it's on the radio? Yeah he likes it, it sounds fun

Does he ever listen to it other than that? Nope

He listens to music constantly. Like he listens to music while going literally anywhere or doing anything

If he knows someone well enough he listens to music while they're talking to each other because he can still focus, actually it helps him focus a lot

But if they're not one of his closer friends he won't because he doesn't want to seem rude

He's definitely been yelled at a lot for not even realising he was listening to music

At this point I'm just talking about how neurodivergent he is but whatever

Akaashi

I have a playlist for stuff I think he'd like

Here's the link

Also I feel like I should say this and I have no idea if it'll make sense

But every character playlist I see has the same kind of songs from the same bands and I feel like it's just the music that the playlist author likes, which isn't bad by any means like put whatever you want that reminds you of that character

But I specifically tried to put stuff that I think he would legitimately like, regardless of what I think of the music. It just kinda happened that I think he'd like some of those artists

I don't know what genre these technically fall under, I guess indie? More chill vibes for sure

But I think he'd listen to Arctic Monkeys, Rex Orange County (they suck but their music is good), Wallows, Cage the Elephant, that kind of thing

Maybe some Twenty One Pilots, JVKE, Fitz and the Tantrums

He absolutely lives for The Neighbourhood

I feel like he likes music a lot but he's not the kind of guy that is playing music 24/7, it's just when he's doing homework or working out or something

Is generally willing to listen to most music but is for sure pickier than Bokuto

Probably has a playlist that he listens to when he can't fall asleep

Sometimes it helps him sleep and sometimes it's just nice to listen to until he gets tired

[darkboysroadtrip]

[this was supposed to be a part of the last ask so it is not drawn.]

"I can listen to almost anything" Remus says, "but the noiser, experimental, trash music is the best" he's shoving the rolled up tent into its bag, "I like loud, wonky, weird, shredding music the best!

"A lot of grunge and any and all other genres of punk can be found in my playlist, you'll also get the random musical, EDM, straight up horror noises" he windmills his hand, "y'know the usual."

"I don't think most people listen to actual screams of terror with flesh ripping, squelching and blood gurgling sounds" Virgil says.

"You don't know that, besides you listen to Doki Doki Literature Club soundtrack stuff, it's the same."

"That's totally different."

"How so My Little Nightmare?"

"That has music to accompany it."

"You... got me there" Remus agrees, "it is a pretty banging soundtrack."

Remus has finally finagled the tent back in its bag and hands it off to Virgil who hauls it on top of the car.

"No surprise to my music taste here but, any kind of emo, punk, rock, you know the stuff."

"You like jazz" Dee says, he's now sitting on the ground with Thomas and Marcy.

"I've come to like jazz because of you."

"True, but you still like it."

Virgil sits down with them, Marcy immediately goes to sit on his shoulder; Thomas in turn goes to sit in his lap to continue playing with her.

"My music taste is hard to pin point" Dee says, "I guess along with the jazz, I like whatever my boyfriends play and some classical in a movie villain type of way."

Virgil snickers, "yeah, sometimes it's scary how accurate that is."

"How do you figure?"

"Dude, sometimes I'll come into the office and you'll be standing at a window with a book in your hands, a glass of wine on the sill with low classical music playing" he laughs, "sometimes I think you're not even reading, it just looks like you're plotting something."

"Maybe I am" Dee wiggles his eyebrows.

"Oooh I love plots!" Remus butts in, "what are we plotting?"

Virgil pats Remus' head, "sorry babe, nothing."

"As far as you know" Dee mutters.

~~~

"As a Broadway Star" Roman starts with a hand fanned to his chest, "I can't see myself loving musicals."

There's a beat of silence.

"Less! I physically can not not love them, they are part of my passion, my very being."

There it is.

"I mean c'mon how can you not love musicals, they're just so enchanting!" he enthuses.

"Fun fact!" Patton pipes up, "Roman has his own recordings from his shows on his phone, so we tend to listen to them quite a bit."

"I can't help it, I'm just so talented" Roman says.

"I don't quite understand musicals, however I do enjoy listening to Roman sing" Logan says.

"Everyone does!" Patton agrees.

Roman, puffed up with all the praise is absolutely beaming.

"Eh, I've heard better" Remus teases.

Roman makes a high pitched and very offended 'ugh', "how dare you!, I can't believe my own broth- actually I can, that's so sad, you make me sad go away."

Remus gets right up next to Roman, his nose practically touching Roman's cheek.

"You'll never be rid of me" he whispers hoarsely.

Roman smacks Remus' forehead when he places it there to shove him away.

"Go finish your packing you gremlin."

Logan stops and looks off like he's looking at a camera in The Office.

"Music of all kinds are wonderful" Roman continues answering the question, "if you have the energy and/or an extensive friend circle-"

"You have other friends?" Virgil yells over.

Roman ignores him.

"-you can find something good in any genre."

"I agree" Patton says and sits next to Roman, "there's so many good music choices out there! And finding new things are always fun!"

He makes a face, "mmm well... there are some things I can't quite listen to, but that's more of a sensory issue."

Logan stops his packing to stand with his partners, "I have an appreciation for rap and I have a soft spot for nerdy educational but funny songs - I don't listen to much music honestly, I do enjoy whatever my partners put on though.

It's not that I don't like music it's just I don't go searching for it" he adjusts his glasses, "besides I like listening to podcasts so that takes up most of my listening to things time."

"You listen to uuuuus" Patton says in a lovey tone.

"I like listening to you, and I would very much like it if you would listen to me."

Patton and Roman glance at each other.

"We - we do though?" Patton says, his head cocked like a confused puppy.

"We've gotten really good at that" Roman agrees.

Logan purses his lips, "yes you have, and it is appreciated greatly"-

"I hear a 'but' coming" Roman stage whispers.

"Mm, yes" Logan says, "your butt specifically Roman, to help pack."

"But I am helping."

Logan blinks slowly just once.

"I'm looking for our next digs" Roman explains waving Logan's phone as added evidence, "and may I add: I am very graciously and humbly taking care of said digs."

"So gracious, so humble" Logan blankly remarks, "can you at least pack your personals?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

"After I book these hotel suites."

"Fine, I suppose we do need to know where we're going before leaving."

[iffylogic]

Writerly Questionnaire

Questionnaire by @davycoquette

This is a very in-depth questionnaire for writers, suitable for original fiction writers, fanfic writers, and people who aren't writing but who are messing around with OCs. It's a lot of fun and I'm glad I stumbled over it.

Original post here.

Thanks for the fun tag @rayless-reblogs! 🥰

About You

When did you start writing?

There were a few active years as a teenager, but I truly got back into it five years ago.

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

I deeply enjoy reading lighthearted slice-of-life stories, but have no interest in writing them. However, science fiction and fantasy are genres that I love to both read and write.

Romance is something I like to read, but only nestled within another genre. The dedicated romance novels that I've read felt incredibly forced, although to be fair I've probably just read the wrong books. In the same way, I do like it when my own characters hit it off and find their way into a relationship on their own, but I've never written it as the purpose of the story. Not so far, anyway.

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

Most of my writing goes into sequential art these days, and there's not really another comic writer that I model myself after. (Composition and art style are another story, but they don't apply here.)

In private I've been writing more traditionally, if clumsily; but I happen to be surrounded by skilled, experienced writers whose works I've been looking at for guidance on occasion! ♥

I know this isn't quite in the spirit of the question, but I've seen people compare Kontext to GazKerber's delightful Final Fantasy VI webcomic, which makes me really happy.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

For the past month (and for another week or two), I write in a weirdly nice corner of a house basement. The basement is spacious, well-lit and my space has the furnishings of a nice studio (plants, wall decor, etc.). It looks like a lovely microcosm of a home office in the middle of a nearly vacant Wal-Mart.

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Music, music, music! I'll put on my headphones, pull up a playlist on YouTube Music, head out the door and start walking. The brainstorming will take it from there. Most of the ideas I have were popped into existence by hearing some random tune, even when I wasn't looking for it.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Not much; the media I grew up with has had a far greater impact.

That said, Fyo takes some inspiration from karate champion Rika Usami, primarily her hairstyle and fierce expression.

In addition, Carmine has several elements inspired by my sister: the same hair color, and Carmine's ethereal wings are a modified photograph of butterfly wings my sister keeps framed on her wall. This was as thanks for her helping with Carmine's initial costume design.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Well, there does seem to be a through line of characters defying the identity or behaviors expected of them. Not exactly untrodden ground, but I guess a theme like that shouldn't surprise me for obvious reasons.

Taking that further into the fantasy realm, though, I've also noticed that godhood and humanity are often compared and even put at odds in my stories? Not as clashing forces, but as opposing identities to embrace: what it means to be one as opposed to the other, and using them as a filter to determine what values genuinely matter to that person. More on that in the recurring character traits answer below.

Your Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

Right now it's far and away Carmine Pentella, a young but well-trained sorceress. Over a year ago, her sister and only family was murdered right in front of her, and the killer went free. Carmine's convinced herself that she's healed and moved on, but... let's just say that writing her is very cathartic right now.

Which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life?

Fyo is everyone's friend! She'll snare you if you happen to be in the room. Heath as well, probably. He's too energetic and enthusiastic for me not to like.

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

This is from a WIP I've said nothing about, but the pilot of the Lucky Shot would intensely piss me off, I'd do anything I can to avoid speaking to her. She's an alcoholic with anger issues, so honestly a lot of people would take issue with her too. I like her as a character, but as a friend? No thank you.

Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

Fyo's almost an amalgam of everything I wish I were! To a fault, in fact. When the time comes for her to take the spotlight as the protag of Absolutus, I'll need to rewrite her into more of a character and less of a self-actualization checklist.

A big part of the reason for that is her inception: a dream I had many years ago. It was technically a nightmare, the world was ending "Hellstar Remina" style and being consumed by horrific monsters. But I was this capable, determined, unflappable woman who was single-handedly getting people to safety. In effect, the world was out of control but I was in control. And instead of myself, I was this mysterious dark-haired woman, who would later become Fyo.

But most of my characters began as vehicles for the story's needs, and then became fleshed out the more that I wrote them. Carmine's the biggest example of this: she was meant to be a one-off character in a single chapter so the story could give a crash-course in sorcery, but now I can't get rid of her!

As far as their details, I'll often pull from media or people I know in person, like Carmine as mentioned above.

Ayan Navarre is a funny case. He was specifically created to be a character who was innately above Ultimecia's usual mystique and intensity, in such a way that the two of them could see eye-to-eye even when she's in full The Sorceress mode. I named him after my favorite Rutger Hauer character and tried to give him a somewhat similar vibe (unsuccessfully), because honestly to me Hauer's the only person whose energy can match Ulti. XD

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

So... I've noticed that majority of my protagonists tend to be women of incredible power, often befriending children? Or failing that, just acting far more mundanely human than one might expect of their station. Like a demigod who's taken an interest in growing houseplants or going clubbing. The circumstances and degree vary, and the characters all have wildly different personalities, but yeah. Apparently I've got a trope.

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc.)

For the most part, I picture them about how I draw them!

Well okay reverse that: I imagine them and then try to draw as closely to that as I can.

Your Writing

What’s your reason for writing?

Hmm.

You know when you've read or watched that story that you were so intensely invested in, that the conclusion left you with a strange, lonely, existential melancholy that you were intensely grateful to be feeling? Those intense emotions that boil up from connecting to those characters as they overcome their trials and connect with each other?

I value that feeling more than anything. If any of my ideas have even a slight chance of passing that feeling to someone else, I'm going to move heaven and earth to put that out into the world.

And if that sounds cheesy, it's because I'm writing this at 4:37am.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

I've never read a comment that didn't absolutely make my day, but yes I have favorites:

Comments expressing love for a specific character, as a person. If my child means something to you, it makes them even more real to me.

Guesses about the story, or speculation about what will happen next. If you're trying to analyze the world-building and try to anticipate where the story's going, that tells me that you're seeing it as a complete world, which makes me feel like I've done my job well.

Oh, and this has happened a handful of times for Kontext and I started screaming incoherently every time: "I just binge-read your entire comic and I love it so much! By the way, what is Final Fantasy VIII? Should I play it?" (YES.) I release the white smoke whenever this happens, because it means the story actually does stand on its own.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets” the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

I suppose I'd like to be thought of as a good worldbuilder? Well no, that's unreasonable when my biggest work is a fan project. Maybe I'd want to be known for writing characters that feel like real people.

But if I want one thing above all else, I hope my stories inspire someone to make stories of thier own. If it moves you enough that you get that feeling, and you're compelled to put more of it out into the world yourself, I think that would be the best thing of all.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

This probably isn't much of a high mark, but I take pride in getting conversations to flow naturally, especially when it comes to banter bouncing back and forth. This is especially fun if the characters are physically fighting at the same time, because I like to make the fight a direct extension of the argument, which leads to some fun results.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

I've been told that the detail and flow of my stories are their greatest strengths, which frankly is a huge relief, because I get really frustrated with my own pacing!

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

I frequently worry that my writing is too shallow, or doesn't evoke anything. This fear is made worse by the fact that my main project is in the form of sequential art—a medium that's often accused of being less in-depth than traditional literature.

But... overall, I'm proud of what I've done so far. The most important thing needed for me to enjoy someone else's story is if I like the characters, and I feel like most of my characters are very likable.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Absolutely. In my opinion, seeing your own ideas put to paper or screen feels meaningful in a way all its own, even if you're the only one to see it.

Besides, if there's no one else on the planet, why not make friends with the people in your head? The story in there is bound to be more interesting than the isolation.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

Oh I am self-indulgent as hell. Obviously I'm eager to read what people think and I hope that they enjoy it, but first and foremost I write (and draw) the things that I want to read.

Seriously, I was shocked when someone commented on the first pages of Kontext. I thought I was the only person on the planet who wanted to read about Sorceress Ultimecia pulling an all-nighter at a library!

That being said, on occasion I do consider what the reader might want to see. There's one major element in an upcoming chapter that I keep going back and forth on, because I don't know what readers' reactions will be.

No-pressure tagging:

@thee-lionheart @mereelskirata @alkonoststorm @irishais, @professional-fangirl2187, and a handful of friends that Rayless already beat me to tagging XD

As always, if you weren't tagged but want to try this, go for it!