#this could be a point for very interesting discussions about how to go about effectively fighting an imminent fascist threat and analyzing

[serperioranimations]

BUCKLE UP KIDS, ITS TATER TED TALK TIME

I can definitely be on board with this. I am a disabled artist myself, (neurodivergent/ADHD), and I have a range of characters with physical and mental disabilities, and this also includes Red leader Tord. As well as Tom. And Matt. I’ll put my thoughts and response down below.

I also agree with the scarring points, how in film, evil characters have scars to look more “scary”. There is three examples off the top of my head that literally have the word “scar” in their name. However, I won’t really be discussing that here.

I wouldn’t say MY version of red leader is a bad guy(at least not to Edd, Matt and Tom), he’s moreso just a guy who went about things the wrong way while trying to get his friends recruited. Whole thing. He made up with them eventually. And while he has the ability to come off as intimidating, it’s moreso about the level of power he holds in a room rather than his “scary” appearance.

My portrayals of disability, at least with with red leader tord, mostly focus on the mental effects of his disability. Sure, the physical stress is a lot, but the mental stress of having to worry about your perception and how you are viewed as a disabled person makes a lot of disabilities ten times worse.

He fears that he could get into another accident and lose more of his body and therefore his humanity. Sometimes he has to take his arm off because he hates that he now has to have machinery as his arm. He has nightmares where he’ll be full robot and it freaks him the hell out.

Obviously, there are things that affect him physically too. In the crash, he lost some of his teeth and his cornea had a piece of glass stuck in it and it was damaged. His depth perception is greatly impacted because he’s now blind in his right eye, and he has to wear dentures. He had to change parts of his lifestyle in order to keep them in tact, such as quitting smoking. He also quit because he was scared of getting robot/synthetic lungs and further losing his humanity.

Not to mention, he has to do a lot of work to make sure he can actually LIFT his arm, as it has a lot of machinery in it and that can get quite heavy. He has a lot of frustration surrounding that as well. My version of tord is a tinkerer and always is trying to find new ways to improve something. So his arm is never quite finished. It’s more of an extension to his character than it is a replacement for his arm.

My portrayal of future Tom also has this concept, in the fact that he is blind. His visor does do a lot of things for him, and Tord spent a very long time even trying to get it to work AT ALL.

In a comic I made, it’s implied he had to go through several versions and tests over multiple months to even get him to see ANYTHING. And that comic also implied that it was only a START.

And even if it allows him to see, he still needs to take care of it, he has a backup incase something happens, he has to charge it, all this stuff. And also, it cannot help him see all the time. Like when he turns into a monster.

It can’t help him see when he turns to the size of a building. In fact, when he feels himself turning, he often tries to get the visor off of him as to avoid breaking it because he knows how hard Tord worked on it. But without it, He’s just a giant blind monster who has no idea what’s going on or where he is. And that is a recipe for disaster, my friends.

I will say my representations of technology are not exactly “realistic” and I’ll fully admit that. However, I think it’s important to take into account that sometimes, people just wanna design cool robot stuff that can do cool things. It’s the whole reason people love the idea of flying cars. Yes it’s unrealistic, and we have so many other vehicles that would be way more efficient, but come on- the idea of a flying car is very entertaining. And most of the time, that is what I focus on. If it’s entertaining or interesting.

Plus I’m just like “you know what, I like you- here’s some cool shit you can do cool things with.” That’s how I see the technology in WTFuture. Or at least that’s how I go about it.

In a more realistic and grounded universe outside of Eddsworld, such as my own original story “The Bad Hunters”, I would obviously go about this differently.

But in a world where people can turn into vampires, superhero’s, giant monsters, and just overall break most rules of physics and real life, I think it’s understandable why people in the fandom often default to “because it looks cool” when it comes to designs. After all, I think Edd Gould himself shared this sentiment. 90% of the decisions or jokes he made in his show, I guarantee he made “because it’s funny” or “because it’s cool”.

Like, for example, I have this joke that Tom during meetings will play minesweeper in his headset, because 1- it’s in character that he wouldn’t pay attention to meetings, and 2- it’s funny as hell. And let’s be real- if you’ve been on a zoom meeting that was boring, you’ve probably pulled up minesweeper or solitaire. Is that something realistically that a blind person would be able to do if they had a headset that allowed them to see? Absolutely not. But is it funny? Yes.

Future Matt also has a pretty big disability- that being he has some memory loss related to a brain injury. He got shot in the head and his eye was replaced with a metal one. He also had to get his jaw fixed. He often struggles with remembering what people just told him, and sometimes he forgets where Edd is and that he left. It also, much like Tom and tord and their disabilities, took some getting used to.

He’s also got a mini super computer in his eye that allows him to calculate bullet trajectory and allow him to dodge bullets matrix style. Because fuck it- future Matt is cool, he deserves cool shit. Also because tord was like “aight bro what if I made sure you never got shot in the face again”. Again- is it realistic? No. But is it cool? Yes.

Overall, as an author with disabilities myself, the portrayals of disability I enjoy the most are the ones that acknowledge “this shit sucks” but also are ones that allow for some levity and lightheartedness. This applies to both mental and physical disabilities.

Like toph from ATLA. Yes, she can’t see through the earth and she’s insanely powerful, but also, girlie can’t swim. Obviously, her drowning is no laughing matter, and they don’t make fun of that. But her confidently putting a poster on a wall the wrong way because she can’t see is hilarious.

Or like in arcane, when sevika gets a sick new arm made by jinx, only for it to turn out to be an unpredictable hunk of junk that will do random shit like blast music or shoot fireworks, and sevika is just like “bro are you fucking kidding me”. That may be the most realistic portrayal of a disability aid/tool I’ve ever seen. Sometimes it works great, but sometimes it’s a fucking piece of shit. It also helps that Sevikas arm links to her gambling addiction, hence the slot machine. Sure, it’s not the most “realistic” portrayal, but it does further her character and I think that is also a valid way to write it.

Overall, what I’d say is that I definitely agree with all of what was said above me! These are all valid points and the portrayal of scarring being used the characterize “evil”, or make them look scary, as well as just treating prosthetics as perfect replacements definitely don’t always sit right.

But also I would say that with portraying disability, don’t go the easy way out and basically get rid of their disability by giving them a perfect replacement with no issues that would realistically go along with this. Not just because it’s harmful and disability erasure, but also because it’s boring as shit.

Challenge yourself. Do some research. And most importantly, HAVE FUN.

-your friendly neighborhood tater

The Problem With the Eddsworld Fandom's Depictions of Red Leader/Future Tord, A Disabled Perspective

Disability is a contentious concept for most of society, with most either treating us with disgust, confusion, refusing to treat us as human, or to see our struggles as what they are. Ableism affects all people in many different ways, but as someone who focuses a lot of my energy in fandom spaces, the pervasiveness of ableism with how media and their fans interpet and react to disabled characters is a very personal situation for me. While many may argue that an ignorance to these topics in fiction has little bearing on real life, the prevalance of these tropes have echoed and led to feelings of othering for many disabled people, and oftentimes support the same notions that lead to the day-to-day ableism in our own personal lives.

In recent years, I have experienced this most often with the prevalance of negative disability tropes perpetrated by fanfiction surrounding the character of Tord, also known under the alias of Red Leader in some fanworks. It is a problem not just common in the Eddsworld fandom. A more recent, and much larger fandom in Mouthwashing also shares a common trend of repeated ableism in fan depictions and interpretarions of disabled characters. Most fan creators are unaware of these tropes and the harm that they cause, but as a disabled person, I am unable to ignore it.

For context on myself, you can call me Fish. Get it? Or"fish"eus? I like to think I'm funny. I am a mentally ill, disabled, and neurodivergent creative who has niche interests in representation in media and the intersection of intersectionality and fandom spaces. I experience chronic pain due to a multitude of conditions, all of which are invisible disabilities. I am NOT an amputee or have a facial difference, like the character I am analyzing. I can only speak based on my own research in my attempts to portray him positively, but I want to mainly focus on the ableist tropes I see and the real life effects they have. That is something I CAN focus on, because I've been dealing with it for years from conditions that came onset later in my life. I will be speaking from that perspective, but will be doing my best to try to educate on what I do know from my research to help authors, artists, and creatives create a better portrayal of him in fanworks.

The most common tropes I see with him are what I will call "The Disabled Villain", "The Innacurate Disability", and "The Ignored Disability". There are a few tropes in each, but for ease of organization (and the sake of your (and my) time), I will be talking about them together in these sections. There are also overlaps in many, but I will define the main issues with them.

The Disabled Villain

James Bond, Wonder Woman, The Witches. You name it. You have most likely seen this trope at work in cinema. A malicious evil-doer is revealed to have a "horrid" face symbolic of the true evil within their soul, while the beautiful, able-bodied hero is meant to stop them. It's a trope as old as time, one that goes back to even Plato. Tropes are tropes, people subvert them, so a few cases down the line may be excusable. But that has not been the case For many years, the most prevalent form of representation for disabled people was in these villains. Imagine if the only representation you had for yourself was narratives surrounding how the way you look or what your disability is and have it only be equated to evil people. It leads to a villainization of disabled people. People react to facial differences with disgust, because they are "shown" that it is "evil", or "ugly", or equal to being a horrible person. As stated by The Nora Project, "According to the book Disabilities: Insights from Across Fields and Around the World, disabled students are two to three times more likely to be bullied in comparison to their nondisabled classmates. The disabled villain trope contributes to this phenomenon in overt and subtle ways. For example, the trope implicitly encourages fear of disability and difference, while validating, and even elevating, those who fight against the evil, Disabled Villain. Bullying based on fear and disdain is almost a natural consequence of the trope when viewed in this light". Another big issue is that disabled characters have not been given space to exist outside of villainy. There are not many complex narratives surrounding them. This leads to our disabilities being downplayed, us being dehumanised, and we are seen more like props in real life, or simply tools to achieve a message in a narrative.

Tord's disability is never explicitly shown in the show. It is something more prevalent in Fanon, specifically in fanworks that focus on the "Future" era of the show's timeline, where the narrative and outside discussions on the show implies a high tech society, potentially dystopian, potentially a consequence of his actions. These ideas have taken a life of their own in the fandom, with many creators fully expressing these ideas. The problem arises when Red Leader falls in line with this trope. In many works, he is the sole disabled character, a figure of pure evil, or given little nuance in the narrative. Artists illustrate his scars as bright red, crimson, or, in TBATF, green. For some reason. In this way, they attempt to highlight the villainy by equating him with common symbols of evil: facial differences and disabilities. Unfortunately, these are not just symbols. These are conditions and scars that real people have, which the fandom tends to ignore in favor of dramatization.

This was a trope I most commonly saw explored in fanfiction when I first joined in 2016/17. The show, unfortunately, subtly and accidentally perpetrated it by having the only character visibly and irreparably "damaged" by the giant robot fight be Tord, despite the fact that Tom, who had a whole missile directed at him and got buried under a house, was fine with at most a leg injury and a cut on his arm. Luckily, we have grown past the need for ableist tropes, and the faults of the show can be left in the past!

... Not.

Disability tropes have simply evolved in how the fandom treats Tord. Even if it is now done with more consciousness and sympathy towards his character, ignorance still prevails. Let's talk about common pitfalls people fall into when writing him.

The Inaccurate Disability

In fanon perception, Red Leader is an amputee with a high tech prosthesis and a facial difference resulting from burn scars. Like many disabled characters, he suffers from a collective fandom lack of research. But never fret! That is what I have subjected myself to for the past four years, so your friendly neighborhood disabled Fish can tell you how to right your fandom wrongs! Just kidding! Take this as a pointer, and do your own research.

As is common with fictional prosthetics, his arm prosthetic is treated as a perfect fix for his amputation. It acts just like, if not better than an actual arm. The issue with this is that is isn't realistic. Yes, I know, I'm criticising Eddsworld fanfiction for not being realistic. STAY WITH ME HERE. Once again, if it was one instance, or a few, that explored prosthetics being incredibly functional in science-fiction, then it could be a cool concept. But when every sci-fi work has it, then that is no longer a concept. That is a misconception. And I have interacted with people who believed that prosthetics were 100% functional! The thing is, like all disability aids, it does not suddenly make us able-bodied. For example, I have ear defenders that I wear when I experience pain within my ears. But that does not mean my hearing will now become normal, and I will no longer experience pain from the sound I'm hearing. What WILL happen is that I will straight up not hear you. Like, literally. Can you repeat that? I had my ear defenders on. Oh, you're saying that my ear defenders aren't prosthetics and are not a fair comparison? Well, that's fair, but take this as an illustration of a disability aid and how they differ from able-bodied experiences. Also, many prosthetic users do many things without their prostheses, and some even prefer NOT to wear them. Blogs that explicitly cover disabled representation, such as @/cripplecharacters, have posts that cover WHY many amputees are not fans of this trope. The problem comes with that it erases disability, and yet also treats us like we are given a space at the table of representation. It's just another way that authors avoid actually doing research.

Other things that people tend to ignore are how burn scars, or any scars, would not only appear on a character, but also affect them. I have seen, aside from skin tones that looked like they were picked out of a crayon box instead of what would appear on a person, teeth exposed, wounds that look as if they are fresh from the explosion YEARS after they occurred, and what I like to call "paper shredder" scars. Because instead of them looking like burn or shrapnel scars, it appears as if his skin was put through a shredder. Once again, another consequence of the show's at most-30 second scene with questionable decisions that made massive ripples in the fandom. With the injuries Tord received, it is most likely that he would have two kinds of injuries: a burn on 18% of his body (minimum, based on rule of 9s), and/or shrapnel scars from debris. While shrapnel scars would manifest as darker scars, the burn scar would likely be a hypertrophic scar, as "70% of patients develop hypertrophic scars following burns" (Finnerty et. al). The scars, when healed, are warm toned on the boundaries of their areas and cool in between. When on a pale skintone, they are not too dissimilar, and would therefore not have such a drastic color difference as seen on skin. They would also not go down to the bone or skin, as that would be a completely different kind of injury, and are also commonly done to make him look "scarier", which then aids the Disabled Villain trope. It also treats these scars and injuries more like a work of fiction, rather than something that many real people have experienced, adding to continuous misinterpretations of real life disabilities and facial differences.

For writers wanting to include consequences of burns, what would be more likely to be affected are his hearing, vision, and nerves on the right side of his face, as burn scars can go as deep as nerve endings. Also, burn scars, especially third degree burns, require treatments, such as burn-specific skincare. Scars, especially burn scars, can affect you and become disabling. For artists, the main thing I don't see artists do is draw him with damaged hair follicles. Burn scars damage the scalp and eyebrows, preventing hair growth. I am sorry, but he would not still have fluffy, luscious hair. Do not kill me. He just wouldn't. And if you are saying that he had it in the show, I can't hear you because my ear defenders are on, but I hope you heard me, as we've gone over that the show is inaccurate and we should do our own research.

Even well intentioned authors and artists ignore many aspects of the disabilities he would likely have!

Which brings us to the last trope...

The Ignored Disability

Many well meaning people intend to give him nuance by trying to avoid the Disabled Villain trope. Accidentally, however, they end up completely ignoring his disabilities instead.

Just like the high-tech prosthetic, the real disabling aspects of having a disability are at best rarely mentioned. I have seen, in some fanworks, that he goes straight from amputation to having a prosthetic. And that is where his disability ends. Because the prosthetic ends up being a fix-all situation. Authors refuse, or forget, to include aspects of amputation, such as the healing process, stump or phantom pain. Artists will cover up his scars with a helmet or a mask, another trope that undermines his disabilities and attempts to brush it under the rug. I understand that there is a discomfort for able-bodied authors in thoroughly exploring how a character feels about their disability. That is something I think we should. Avoid. If you're not familiar with the experience of being that minority, you do not need to add commentary on it. And if you do, and it just falls into more negative tropes, I will send a salmon cannon at you (/j). However, I do not agree with brushing every disabling aspect of his life under the rug.

People can assume it's not a problem, like it isn't something blatantly apparent. But, if you assume that disability and being disabled is not a "big thing", you end up where your medication is denied because your insurance refuses to see your common procedure as not a necessary medical intervention because you're "too young". And that is not fiction. That is what inspired me to write this essay, because the day that I got that news was the same day I sat down and told myself that I needed to share my perspective on the perception of disabled characters by honing in on one of my favorite characters and how the fandom treated him.

Disabled characters deserve to be included in media, disability and all, with care given to how their life would operate as a result and what they would experience with their specific disability. That's why many people recommend sensitivity readers who can give proper insight upon that disability and can advise people to properly portray it.

But if you cannot afford or access that resource, what can you do?

Fish's Non-Cohesive List of Ways I Tried to Write Tord as a Non-Amputee Without a Facial Difference

Do research!! The more you are to try to understand what you are writing about, the less you are to misinterpret or misrepresent it.

Look into resources that focus on portraying disabled characters, especially with those you wish to write about. Read blogs, research tropes that are common in disabled characters, and hell, read medical journals. They can provide great insight (<< nerd who likes reading medical journals)

Include more disabled characters. Make the other boys be disabled! Want to be canon compliant? Create OCs who have disabilities! I have a bunch! It's 2024! Be cringe and be free! The character's disability would go against the traditional narrative form of "usefulness"? I'm an animator who can't wear headphones and a theatre performer who can't physically handle the volume of a band. And yet, we find ways to persist, to exist. We will always find our way to live in the way we want to, in whatever way we can.

Look into disability activism. Learn the difference between the Medical Model and Social Model of disability. Know what an invisible disability is. Listen to us when we say that we don't want to be treated as special or an inspiration for simply living (inspiration porn). The more you are aware of what we struggle in real life, the more aware you will be to not repeat those mistakes in your fiction.

Write what you can. Highlight little talked about aspects of having a burn scar or being an amputee, such as the recovery, or treatment for the chronic pain, or how different he would be in battle due to decreased depth perception. As a disabled author, I have personally touched on the experience of gaining a disability later in life, and how he copes with it. Now, not all of y'all can do that. But that is a personal experience I do have, and it is something I have highlighted in my own work. So, while I couldn't tell you the ins and outs of having a burn scar or a prosthetic arm, I could describe the shock and frustration that comes with suddenly experiencing difficulties, or even being unable to do what you had done before.

I ask that, if you are willing to do better, or to start on the right foot, you take what I have written, reflect on it, and treat disabled characters, and in turn, disabled people, better from here on out.

Fiction is not reality, but the way we deal with it is reflective of who we are and what we believe. The boundary for our own personal being does not suddenly stop within fiction. When we interact and interpret it and create for it, it is integral that we remain conscious that bigotry runs rampant, albeit often as an unseen force, within fandom spaces, and do our best to counteract that.

I have doubts that the new eddisode will treat this topic with the same respect. I hope you can all go forward with what you have read in this WAY LONGER than I expected essay, and do what those grown British men cannot. Even if they erase it, retconn it, or do not treat it with respect, let's all go forward and do better!

As for always, you can discuss more in the tags or my inbox!

I hope you have a wonderful life,

Fish

[wings-of-ink]

Ask with chapter 5 spoilers below.

From @ariquess-arts

speaking of spoilers and Oswin ((and simping for that man))!! maybe it was answered before but I can't find it. will there be consequences of having romantic points with more than one RO?

Hello dear! You won't have to worry about consequences per se, though depending on certain actions (such as an attempted confession) it may warrant some additional discussion. Oswin is the main one this can happen with, and depending on choices, there may be an instance of him having doubts or asking if MC is sure that they want him - something of that nature. The ROs are all basically interested in MC - all single and ready-to-mingle sort of thing - but they are all fairly realistic in their expectations even when flirted with and such. Duri expects nothing, and neither does ??? at the start, Zahn and Rune are both in the realm of just hoping something could possibly happen.

I mean, my MC is shy and gentle (with a little lot of playfulness in them) and very into Oswin, they nearly said the L word to him. (we all know why they didn't). and I wasn't very interested in other ROs with this specific MC. (they want them very much in a *platonic physical touch full of cuddles and non-romantic hand-holding and feeding them all honey cakes* kind of way) but then the end of chapter 5 happened, and my MC is blushing and stuttering and 'WHAT. WHY.' for ??? if only because I thought it would be funny. like, I see them not even realising it. like, 'yeah, ??? is hot, so what??' maybe the first time in a while they found someone hot besides Oswin and they're not fully aware themselves? that they might-or might not- get a crush on that asshole, lmao. Oswin is still an end-game for them but I just can't stop myself while thinking about any and all Oswin/??? interactions and parallels. (wait is parallel wven a correct word between those two?? probably not, haha) like, imagine your childhood friend has a crush on you and nearly tells you how they feel after days of going red-faced mess just from you looking and them... and you stop them from saying L-word bc you're insecure and 'not-deserving' (can't wait till my MC can shower him in love and show him how wrong he is) and blah blah (/j, his feelings are very important here). only to see them all a mess again a few days later, but for some tall(er? if I remember right) asshole who very nearly killed them, lmao. yeah, I find this specific pair cery interesting and funny. I'm actually judging my MC soooo hard for their taste, lmao.

I totally feel this, lol. No matter if Oswin is romanced or not, an inclination toward this handsome asshole will make him question everything. It won't be a deal-breaker for him if MC flirts with him and also has feelings for Oswin, but there will be some reactions coded for Oswin based on MC's feelings. So if they are romantic with Oswin but have some sort of moment with another person, it may hurt him a bit or shock him. But Oswin knows that MC isn't beholden to wait for him too. He still respects MC's choices because they don't belong to him. Until they are officially "together" he may feel a bit jealous or a bit hurt by this and you may get some unique dialogue and such. So in that sense, there is a bit of a consequence but it won't be like a huge upset or drama. It will be part of a tough conversation about MC's true feelings.

also, I very much like to see my MC suffer,

We are of the same mind, my friend, lol.

so ofc I choose some (all) very bad choices for them and by the end of ch5 I had some sort of epiphany bc hear me out.

LOL, so you were beat the hell up. I like it.

each time MC goes through someting bad (tm), Oswin is hit with it twice as hard.

Yup! You nailed it! :D And you're gonna see some of the effects on him in chapter 6.

you know, the something something, input his ch5 talk in here but make it worse bc now, he's actually responsible (in a way) for MC and their well being. so I replayed the game again with the same MC and exact same choices bc I this time, Iwas fully aware both of them will suffer, lmao. (it made ch4 choice of calling out for dads to hold MC extra angsty for me like the first time wasn't enough, haha, bc can you imagine what Oswin celt then? not only unable to protect MC but also give them the comfort they needed? ouch).

YES, that is super impactful. And that negative perception he has of himself tingles and starts to eat at him again. Not MC's fault of course and he knows this, but he knows that he's at a stage of life where he must conquer these things that plague him.

also, also, there's two parts of the story extrememly hard for me. 1) what do you mean I have to choose whom to give the cake to? my MC wants to feed them all! let my MC feed everyone honey cakes pls!!! even the assh--???. (I'm unable to give the cake to anyone but Z. they deserve it so much).

Teehee! Sorry! (kinda) I knew when I did that it would make it conflicting, lol.

2) I HAVE TO CHOOSE WHO TO GIVE A PRESENT TOO? Lunan, I'm sorry you're so wvil for that. how can I choose between my beloved dads and my best friend? ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ (it's Lakota, I can't stop myself from choosing Lakota, I'm so sorry, dads).

Teehee again! I debated about being nice and letting MC get a few things but changed my mind. If it is any consolation, they will all be happy to have MC home and that is gift enough. <3

I'm sorry it turned out so long. I spent like, qhat? 2 hours writing (and re-writing) this ask to make it shorter, but oh well. and sorry for all the mistakes, as I got out-drunk by seventy-something years old neighbours of mine (where do these ppl get stamina for taht what). not to mention English not being my fisrt language, I had to take it off my chest. ಥ⁠_⁠ಥ

Not to worry, my friend! This was an enjoyable read and made me smile. Don't feel bad about being out-drunk - I promise - they felt it worse the next day even if they pretended not to, lol.

(I may or may not have a rather long ask in my phone notes about how I feel about your IF ((positive, really)) that sits there for 2 weeks already, but I don't really want to spam your ask box, so instead let me just...)

I love this story so much and I'm so so thankful you chose to write it and share with us, thank you sooo much!!

I am so glad you love it and that you shared these things with me. I'm so glad I can bring you something that lives in your heart like this and that brings you enjoyment. I can't wait to bring you more. ^_^

[comicaurora]

You mentioned in a previous ask about Arcane that wanting to do something better can be a great motivator, but recently I've seen a lot of discussion about fanworks created out of "spite" like Spiderman Lotus or that Transformers fan film. Do you think these come from different feelings, leading to their end result, or that the motivation just needs to be handled carefully?

Ah, I see the confusion. When you have ideas for what a story could do, and then the story goes in a different direction and bypasses what you thought it would do, that can be an incredibly useful motivator for using that unused inspiration for telling your own story. Taking someone else's completed artwork and saying "move over, idiot, I'll show you how it's done" is a recipe for hubristic self-immolation.

Setting out to "fix" someone's work has to be approached very carefully. Artistic criticism is a complicated skill, but it isn't treated that way. Especially in the age of the internet, several wildly different things have been conflated under "criticism", and I think that's why spite-motivated "fixes" almost always end up tripping on their shoelaces and falling flat.

Art critique - "fixing" someone's work - is about figuring out how to make the art the most effective version of itself. Determine what it's going for, and make suggestions for how the artist could improve the execution of that goal. Clarify a confusing moment, change the score a little to be more emotionally impactful, break up the pacing with moments to breathe, tighten up the pacing to maintain the frantic vibes.

However, the broad perception of what art critique is has been bundled together with several other forms of criticism, including snarky reviews (a judgment of quality rendered after a work is completed and aimed at prospective audiences so they don't end up wasting their money), general knee-jerk mockery (it is easy and fun to score points off of other people's sincerity via a little casual bullying), critical analysis (taking apart how a story works to learn from it, a useful approach for other artists trying to improve their own skills) and, of course, fanfiction.

Ahh, fanfiction! If you don't like a story, you can just take the characters, setting, premise, worlbuilding, and the general shape of the plot - ignoring the fact that at this point you've borrowed about 80% of the work that went into building the original story already - and then you can just make the characters do what you wanted instead. If you think Spider-Man would be better if everyone was miserable and grieving a dead buddy the whole time, you can do that! Two hours of misery for everyone!

This approach is ostensibly trying to accomplish what art critique does - to make a better version of the story. But in practice, it's almost never interested in interrogating what the story was actually going for. In fact, it's actively scornful of what the story was going for. It doesn't take it apart to see what did work, it just says "I didn't like that and I could do better" and produces something trying not to be like the original it disliked.

I kind of think of it like this. If you ate a meal and you were like "there's not enough salt in this," you would not produce a better meal by focusing exclusively on loading it down with all the salt you could find, even if you were starting with all the same ingredients. Do you understand how they were put together to begin with? How the meat was brined, how the vegetables were cooked, what seasonings went where? Do you think all it needed to make it work was salt?

So you get fanworks that do indeed focus on the part that the fanartist thought was missing. You get Spider-Man Is A Sad Jerk For Two Hours. It accomplished what the fanartist wanted, but it fails in its true goal of being Like The Original But Better, because it never actually made the effort to understand what made the original tick. Why do people like Spider-Man in his other movies? Well, there's lots of reasons that work for different audiences - he's funny, he's good-hearted, he's graceful and well-choreographed, his fight scenes are fluid and exciting, his dynamic with the people of New York is lively and comedic, he's hapless and hurting but he always tries his best, he gets knocked down but he always gets back up-- there are many reasons to like these stories. But if all you can focus on is what you wanted them to add, you'll have a lot of trouble parsing out what functional elements you'll need to carry over into your fanfiction to not lose the core of what made it actually mostly work.

If all you focus on is accentuating the bits you wanted them to do without recognizing the parts that were working fine, you end up with a heaping plate of salt.

✨ as the ask states, this post is very specifically about spite-motivated "I can do it better than the writers" fanworks and not fanfiction in general ✨

[ambrosiagourmet]

Hey, Kabru and Mithrun spend some interesting time together, don't they?

With Mithrun having just officially premiered in the anime, and a lot of discussions swirling around about him, I've been thinking a lot about that section of the story quite a bit. These chapters - Roasted Walking Mushroom and 6 Days - are some of my favorites. For a lot of reasons, really. Not only are they are a huge turning point for the story as a whole, but they have some excellent character work, and represent an important shift in Kabru and Mithrun's individual arcs and relationship to each other.

The chapters are also kind of a fully contained story arc just on their own, which is an impressive bit of writing, and makes them super fun to analyze. So that's exactly what I'm going to do!

This will be structured as a close reading of chapters 61 & 62, with some asides for additional important context. I'm going to talk a little bit about a reading that I disagree with, but for the most part I just want to focus on how Kabru and Mithrun's relationship progresses during these two chapters. In particular, the ways they both grow from the time they spend together.

Also I just want to quickly note that this isn't written as Ship Content. It's meant to be an analysis of their relationship as presented in the text - layer whatever additional meanings and filters on top of that as you'd like, but please respect that my intent is not to talk about or champion a ship, or frame any of this content as romantic.

So, with that all being said:

How do Kabru and Mithrun help each other?

First of all, I think there are two important pieces of context that inform the Kabru & Mithrun Dungeon Adventure chapters. Both are related to Kabru's state of mind, and both are set up before or during the chapters in question.

The first is the context of what happened just before Kabru and Mithrun fell into the dungeon. Specifically, the events that led Kabru to make them fall.

Kabru, essentially, gives up his life at the end of chapter 55. When he stops Mithrun, and when they both plummet with the collapse of the first floor, he is okay with dying. Mithrun warns him that they will both die if Kabru doesn't let him go, and Kabru accepts this as a worthwhile exchange.

Why?

Well, because he doesn't want the elves to take over the dungeon. Throughout the last 3 chapters, the Canaries have been effective, but they have also been cruel in their efficiency, and they have made it clear that they don't care about collateral damage. They lured people into the dungeon specifically to provoke a violent reaction from it, without regard for who might get hurt by the violence.

What's more, they are keeping important information from Kabru, and he knows it.

He's not just looking for a solution, he's looking for the truth - a truth that he believes that he will only find through conquering the dungeon. With good reason, to be fair! The elves make it very clear that they aren't there to treat the other races on the Island as equals.

So Kabru uses the only tool he has available to him - his own life. It won't get him the truth, but it at least gives a chance for another person from a short-life species (namely, Laios) to earn it in his place.

This dovetails nicely with the more thematic context that's introduced in at the start of chapter 61: the room where he could eat all the cake he wanted.

This place, a place that Kabru never wants to go back to, is a place where he is safe, and a place where he is ignorant. A place where he is sheltered from danger, but also from the truth. The same place the Island would become, if the Canaries had their way. He doesn't just want to be safe, and he doesn't even just want the world to be safe, though he does want to be able to protect people from what happened in Utaya.

But he doesn't just want to entrust that safety to the paternalism of the elves (especially since he is all too aware of the ways they can fail, or the people they are willing to sacrifice in the name of that "safety"). He wants to be given the agency to seek safety and peace for himself.

He wants to understand. And he wants the chance to act.

This is the context we have, going into the arc of 61 & 62. But before I talk about how the chapters build on this context, I want to take a step back and look at what else the chapters establish early on, before delving into their exploration of Kabru's agency.

First of all, I kind of want to challenge the framing of Kabru and Mithrun's relationship as solely that of a caretaker and his charge.

Obviously, Kabru is forced into a caretaker position - at the threat of his friend's safety, no less. (Okay, it's actually Toshiro and Namari that are being held, but still. There are hostages involved in this) But I do think it's important that Mithrun isn't the one who puts Kabru in this position - Cithis is.

Before this conversation, Kabru and Mithrun are already exploring the dungeon together. Mithrun doesn't threaten Kabru, or force his hand. He kind of just assumes that Kabru will join him. It's rude, and not particularly respectful, but given the dangers of navigating a dungeon alone, I don't think that's really an unreasonable assumption. And it certainly isn't the same as Cithis' approach.

If they were left alone with no intervention, they probably would have ended up in a similar position to the one that Cithis leveraged them into. Kabru is smart, and he could have figured out the things that Mithrun needed help with. And, to be clear, those are things that Mithrun needs help with not because he is selfish or thinks they are owed to him, but because he is disabled. It's not unreasonable for him to need that help, and it's not unreasonable for Kabru to provide it, under the circumstances.

Besides, they both need each other down there. Kabru wouldn't have survived without Mithrun - he doesn't know enough about monsters, and isn't familiar with the deeper dungeon's layout. And Mithrun wouldn't survive without Kabru - he isn't able to notice his basic needs and would burn himself out without food or rest, making him an easy target for the monsters he could otherwise take care of on his own.

Aside from both needing each other, another interesting layer to their relationship, which is established right away, is that Kabru doesn't have to - and literally cannot - put on a mask of social niceties around Mithrun. He can't suck up. It doesn't work.

So Kabru, who spends so much of his time concerned with how others perceive him, and who compromises his own comfort in order to become the most appealing version of himself at any given time, has that tool taken away. He has to help Mithrun, but notably, he can only help Mithrun to a certain point. He cannot compromise his open and honest feelings to help maintain someone else's view of the world - or at very least, it doesn't benefit him at all to do so.

Instead, they sit together, in the same position, share the same shitty mushroom dinner, because they both have to:

And that's notable, too. They both have to. Cithis' demand is most specific about the need to eat. Three meals a day! But this is something they both need, not just Mithrun.

Still, their relationship at this point still isn't exactly supportive, or even respectful. Kabru may have realized that he didn't need to keep up an act around Mithrun, but ya know, he still turns around an immediately try to, with that shitty mushroom dinner.

(The 'badly drawn shapeshift Kabru' gag here isn't just funny, imo, it's also a reminder of the thing he JUST LEARNED. Mithrun is immune to the Kabru smile anime sparkles filter.)

Mithrun also doesn't tell Kabru any helpful information at this point, and doesn't really put much effort into helping him at all. He slaps him awake out of a Nightmare, and treats him with the same disregard he did at the start of the chapter, focused entirely on moving ahead.

But then Mithrun collapses, and the current structure of their relationship collapses with him.

I think it's interesting here that the shift in their dynamic also includes Mithrun explicitly noticing Kabru's desires. Obviously it's not actually like some kind of I truly see you and recognize your humanity moment shared between them, but I do still like the way that it pulls Kabru's internal wants to the surface. Kabru not voicing his desires doesn't mean they don't exist, and Mithrun recognizes that the same way the dungeon does.

And then Mithrun does, in fact, grant one of Kabru's deepest desires. He tells Kabru the truth.

Just like how they are working together in the first place, this truth is as much a necessary concession to survival as anything. But that doesn't mean it's not impactful for Kabru. This is the thing that every other elf in his life has kept from him. A secret foundational to his core belief that long-life and short-life species can never come to mutual understanding.

And Mithrun isn't just giving him the bare minimum information here. What he shares isn't just a truth, it's his truth. It's a level of complete and total vulnerability that few people share with each other. And again - some of this may just be coincidence and necessity. I imagine Mithrun is so open, at least in part, because he doesn't have the same barriers that other people do when it comes to sharing these things.

But, then again... we see Mithrun at his most vulnerable and empathetic when he is talking to dungeon lords & potential dungeon lords, and trying to convey to them the truth of the trap they are walking into.

This face:

Is very similar to this face:

These are some of the few instances that we see Mithrun emote in this way, and his story does come just after he notices the dungeon responding to Kabru's desires.

But, no matter if Mithrun's openness is in response to Kabru being tangled in the dungeon's hunger, or just part of his nature (or, maybe, a little of both), his story changes things for Kabru. It gives him the chance to make actual choices, now that he understands the truth. It gives him a chance at agency in the story.

And he immediately turns around and uses some of that agency in an interesting way:

When asked about why he can't sleep, Mithrun says he needs to be magically compelled. Being magicked to sleep is simple, and it is efficient, but he doesn't even just say it's the best option. He seems to believe it is the only option.

So much in Mithrun's recovery has been framed through how it will let him fight the demon. Recover so that you can return to the dungeon. Sleep so that you can return to the dungeon. Eat so that you can return to the dungeon.

But rest, much like eating, isn't just about achieving the bare minimum required for efficiency. And as Senshi would probably say, the easiest path isn't always the best.

I don't think that the Canaries are intentionally running Mithrun ragged or anything, but as I mentioned earlier, they are very focused on efficiency, with little thought spared to what is lost or hurt in the process.

And there is something different about Mithrun's time with Kabru in the dungeon. Lycion even notes it, when they finally connect back up.

I don't think it's a huge leap to say that how Mithrun falls asleep here is emblematic of that difference. When Kabru helps Mithrun to sleep by massaging his feet, rather then using magic, he is explicitly taking a step beyond the minimum. He is providing comfort to a body that has been given only necessities for a long, long time.

These two events - Mithrun sharing the truth of the dungeon with Kabru, and Kabru choosing to help Mithrun to sleep through a foot massage - shift their relationship. There's a clear difference in how we see them treat each other, and especially in how Mithrun treats Kabru.

Before, Kabru provides food that he has gathered himself (okay, it was a mushroom he put his foot through on floor one, but the point still stands that Mithrun offered no help at all with getting food).

Afterwards, they gather food together.

Before, Mithrun teleports Kabru towards a monster, using him as a weapon when he can't find anything else.

Afterwards, he helps Kabru escape monsters, and fights them directly.

Before, he slaps Kabru awake after 5 hours of uncomfortable, Nightmare-filled sleep. A rest which, notably, Kabru didn't even intend to take for himself.

Afterwards, we see Mithrun keeping watch while Kabru sleeps in a bedroll.

I don't necessarily think that all of these things are choices that Mithrun consciously makes. Like, after 6 days, Kabru would have to get some actual sleep eventually, and Mithrun would pretty obviously have to keep watching during that time.

Nonetheless, there's still a difference in how these scenes are framed, and the fact that it is these things that are used to portray their journey together. Kabru is not the sole person providing food and sleep and safety - they provide these things for each other. Kabru eats alongside Mithrun, hunts alongside Mithrun, and he sleeps in the same way we see Mithrun sleep, laying down and resting deeply enough to be groggy when woken up.

What's more, during their time together, there are even a couple of instances of Kabru being more willing to care for himself and accept care. The sleeping is one example - note how he is surprised at having slept "that long" when told he was asleep for less than even the minimum recommended amount of nightly sleep - but I think the pattern of his eating is even clearer. In making sure that Mithrun eats regularly, he is forced to eat regularly too.

And I especially like the progression with the Barometz meal. After Mithrun has fallen asleep, Kabru thinks about wanting to "give [Mithrun] something nice to eat," but also notes that Mithrun's lack of desire "means there isn't even anything he wants to eat." So what does Kabru do?

He makes Mithrun something that he wants to eat.

I've already talked a bit about the ways that Dungeon Meshi depicts people finding support through "borrowing" the desires of the people who care for them, and I think this scene is a great example of that idea. Especially in the way that it pulls an expression of desire from Kabru, who is so prone to ignore his own hunger and needs. The meal may not end up anywhere close to the flavor intended, but it's still a far cry from the roasted walking mushroom.

All of these pieces come together at the end of chapter 62, resulting in a pivotal choice that could only happen because of the ways Kabru and Mithrun have, at least a little bit, grown closer to each other.

As they are preparing to leave, Kabru hears a bell ringing in the dungeon, just as he hears Toshiro's matching bell on the other side of the portal. Realizing Laios is nearby, Kabru hesitates. He knows the truth about the demon, and how he has a chance to act on it.

Cithis, the person who extorted Kabru into taking care of Mithrun in the first place, pushes for Mithrun to follow along with the plan.

(okay a quick aside here I just want to say I do love Cithis and I'm not trying to bash on her here. I just think it's interesting that she is the one to establish the terms of Mithrun & Kabru's cooperation, as well as the one who tells Mithrun to leave the dungeon at the end of the chapter)

But Mithrun doesn't go along with her command. Instead, he does something unexpected:

He asks what Kabru wants to do.

In contrast to Milsiril's smothering comfort,

and in contrast to his Mithrun's own assumption that Kabru will follow him, when they first wake up in the dungeon,

Mithrun follows Kabru's lead.

This, right here, is the change between them. Not only that, but it's a shift in the entire balance of agency in the dungeon. For what might be the first time in a very long time, Kabru - a tall-man - knows the truth, and is acting on it. He makes a huge decision purely on his own judgement. He is not trying to appease or coerce anyone, and he doesn't win Mithrun over by hiding his true intentions.

Rather, it's the honesty between them that builds to this moment. Mithrun's honesty earns Kabru's trust, and Kabru's honesty earns Mithrun's respect. They bond not because they are forced to spend time together, but because they choose to spend that time giving each other more than the bare minimum - even when they are both people used to accepting the bare minimum.

It echoes Laios' argument with Toshiro, in a way. They eat three square meals a day (Cithis mandated admittedly), they get plenty of sleep, and in doing these things, they take each other seriously. They treat each other as more than just a means to an end.

I don't necessarily think it's a flawless, unbreakable bond that's built during this time - hell, they both kind of revert back to their old behavior, once reunited with the rest of the Canaries. People don't completely change their habits overnight, after all.

But it is a shift. It's a shift that gives Kabru the chance to steer the story towards the ending he has fought for all his life, and it's a shift that helps Mithrun find a way to move forward after he loses his own reason for living. They reach their goals, and then they step past them - facing life beyond the moments they thought defined their reasons for living. Facing life beyond the bare minimum.

And that is how they help each other.

[catgirlstalin]

the SPD (social democratic party) was actively pushing for people to vote for the conservative hindenburg and discouraged people from voting for the communist thälmann because they believed that only hindenburg could realistically beat hitler in the elections (which he did - it just didnt help, in the end). here's a poster by the SPD from the 1932 presidential election

the text says

"Who votes for Thälmann gives his vote to Hitler! Those who want to defeat Hitler, vote Hindenburg!"

they were explicitly telling people that voting for thälmann was throwing your vote away (and therefore equivalent to voting for hitler). the strategy of the SPD was to throw their entire support behind a conservative they believed could realistically win in order to prevent hitler from winning. and it very much didnt work out in the end

ultimately communists aren't even telling you not to vote, the point is that it is completely ineffective action. when you ask 'why shouldn't we vote? we can vote and do other stuff' it is as if you had been proposing prayer as a solution to fascism and scolding anyone who said otherwise - even if your argument is 'there's no reason not to try', it implies an incredible and grave misunderstanding of what is and is not an effective means of political action. like... sure. go ahead and pray, to god or to Democracy, and buy fair-trade while you're at it, but if we're being honest, here, I think the defensiveness over it shows not genuine faith, but a desperation to engage with a system that clearly does not work, but whose alternative appears scary and unclear to you.

[cherry-burst]

Rafayel x F!MC  "First Time For Everything."

Love and Deepspace

Smut 18+🔞 MDNI | Established Relationship | 1st F!Anal | Anal prep w fingers/toys/mouth | F!Anal Penetration | Praise | Cockwarming if you squint

WC: ~3k

She was lying naked on her stomach atop the bed. A pillow was under her hips, elevating her ass off the bed into the air. 

Rafayel pulled out several toys he’d collected for this very occasion along with a bottle of lubricant. He lined them up by size next to her legs and kept rubbing his hand over her thighs, tracing aimlessly as he got organized. A content smile was on his face as he hummed a gentle tune.

She looks back at her boyfriend. “That’s a lot of plugs…” 

Her nervousness was made clear well before all of this started. Rafayel promised to stop anytime for any reason, no questions asked if she wanted him to. But, he was adamant that she was going to thoroughly enjoy this. Almost as if he knew something she didn't.

“Well, I may have gone a bit overboard. Some of them are just for pleasure and not really prepping. We won't use them all ” He picked two up and compared them, the lamp light glittering in his blue-fiery eyes. “This one,” He lifted a tapered egg-shaped plug. “It's more for stretching, and, well it is also pleasurable.” He smiled. His cheeks were already pink and the tips of his ears were glowing red. “This one,” He lifted the other. It was tapered and longer with three bulges. “This is a bit more for pleasure. I probably won't use all of them.” He raked his hand in his hair, visibly excited. 

He leaned over her body and pressed a kiss to her shoulder blade. They were both fully nude already and their lips were puffed from the make-out session they’d had that led them to this idea for the night.

“Well,” She said in a sing-song voice, wiggling her hips a little. Rafayel’s gaze shot to her ass region in an instant. She smiled at the effect this was already having on him. “I’m ready when you are.” She finished. 

He cleared his throat. “We will take it slow.” He reassured her, “We go at your pace, Cutie.” 

The opening crack of the lube bottle’s lid gave her heart a squeeze. She was nervous before, but the adrenaline was starting to kick in. 

His lubed finger slid over her slit up to her ass. He rubbed in a slow circular motion on her hole, carefully exploring this previously untouched part if her. It felt a bit chilly on her skin but warmed very quickly with his constant friction. 

Her eyes fall shut and she relaxes into the bed. “Mm, no one has ever touched me there before, so-.” She lets out a soft laugh. “It’s a bit… interesting.”

“I really like touching you there…” Rafayel spoke in a low voice. All his earlier playfulness was quickly dissipating. She wondered exactly how long he’d fantasized about this before he casually brought the idea up to her a few months ago. 

He’d brought this up to her more times than she could count during the course of the last few weeks. At first, he was joking about doing it, but then it quickly turned serious and she could see the look of desire in his eyes grow each time he mentioned it.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want it. It just felt a bit too taboo to her and made her nervous to try something out of the box. But, she trusted her boyfriend. Plus, the way his face lit up when she agreed to it made her more happy than she dared to admit. He was always going out of his way to please her, it was time she relished in one of his fantasies as a reward. 

He was already obsessed with touching her ass and keeping his hand on it when he could get away with it. She knew he was a bit obsessed with her body at this point and very much loved the effect it had on him. 

Rafayel's finger oh-so gently pressed inside her and she tensed back up. She took several deep, calming breaths like they’d discussed and tried to get herself to let go. The digit went deeper and she took in a sharp breath. 

“Whew…” she breathed. The lube made it easy for his finger to intrude as quickly as it did. She jerked her hips when he moved his digit in and out, slow and rhythmic. 

“You’re doing so well, just relax.” He rubbed her thigh comfortingly. “You will get used to the sensation after a bit.” He reassured her. She felt his warm lips kiss her lower back, trailing over the curve of her ass while his finger did the work. 

She blushed when he started to play more. He moved his finger all the way in, twisting and pulling out. He dripped more lube into the valley of her ass as he did this, getting her insides nice and coated. 

Rafayel was between her legs while her ass was propped up with a pillow in the air like some kind of art piece on a pedestal. Her legs were spread to accommodate his width and he could see everything from his viewpoint. 

“It’s a bit… humiliating.” She tries to joke but her breath hitches when a second finger presses against her hole. 

“It’s just us. No need to feel embarrassed.” He kissed her inner thigh and slowly added the second finger. Her body accepted it, stretching to accommodate the intrusion. 

His free hand moved up her waist and down to her knee. He caressed her skin as he eased his fingers in and out of her. It helped ease the tension in her body and reassured her that everything was okay. 

“Do you have to watch like that?” She asks breathlessly. 

“Yep.” He sent her a smirk when she looked back at him.  

The intrusion didn’t feel normal for a while. It was nice, just strange. She could feel how relaxed her hole was getting and whimpered when he removed his fingers. 

“Shh, shh,” He was grinning. “I’m just getting a toy now, okay? I’ll put something inside you again, don’t worry.” As he spoke, his voice lowered to a sultry whisper. He pat her thigh reassuringly, teasing her with a wink. His delight was obvious that she was enjoying herself too.

She buried her face in the pillow to hide her blush. Was she really starting to crave the sensation? 

A blunt object pressed against her asshole and she tensed. It was covered in cold lube.

“Relax, Cutie.” He soothed. 

She relaxed and squeaked when he pressed harder. 

Rafayel sighed, squeezing her ass cheek with his free hand. “I’ll take it slow. Let me know if you need to stop.”

It took a few minutes of him slowly pushing, but soon she was shuddering as the plug fit snugly all the way inside. 

“Mm,” Rafayel let go of the toy and let it sit inside her. He grabbed her cheeks and squeezed, spreading them wider, pushing them up, and kneading them. “How does it feel?” 

She looked back and happened to notice just how hard he was getting. 

“Feels fine, it's good. I’m comfortable.” 

He nodded, working hard to fix a smile on his lust-filled face. “I’m going to move it a bit now.” 

She nodded and felt him start to pull on the plug. He pulled just enough to take it out halfway before pushing it back in.

“Woah-” She gasped.

“Good, bad? Need a break?” He stood still. 

“Good! It's fine. It just feels so interesting. I’m kind of liking it.” She sends him a small smile. 

Rafayel’s face lights up as he starts to tug on the plug again. He doesn’t remove it all the way and keeps pulling and pushing it back into her. 

She felt quite stretched at this point and told him so. “I think I'm ready for the next size up.” 

“I was about to say, I think you’re ready for a bigger one.” He agrees and slips the plug out. He sets it off in another pile away from the unused ones and looks at his row of choices. 

He seems to be thinking for a long moment and his girlfriend pipes up. “Everything okay?

Rafayel gave her a smile. “Yeah! I was just thinking. It’s just that you’re doing so well. I was thinking of skipping the medium and going up to a larger one. Would you want to try?” 

She trusted that he knew what he was doing, and also that he knew her body well. “I will try. I feel very ready.” She answered. 

Rafayel swallows thickly at her words. This was most definitely getting him worked up. He gets the larger plug, saturates it in extra lube then presses the tapered tip to her hole.

“We’re going slow, okay? Tell me the second anything hurts and I’ll stop.” He reassures her, touching her leg lovingly. 

“Understood.” She agrees. 

She takes the plug slowly. It stretches her deliciously and she clenches her eyes shut. Okay, now it was starting to feel good.

Rafayel is breathless as her hole accepts the larger plug so readily. 

She notices him give his cock a few pumps while she stretches much farther than ever before. 

She whimpers as the plug gets to the largest part, breathing through the stretching with her hands digging into the bedsheets. 

Rafayel bites her thigh, kissing along the skin up to her cheek. He bites her ass cheek and groans when her hole finally sucks in the last bit of the plug.

“Ah-, Woah…” She moans, her clammy forehead pressing into the mattress.

Rafayel squeezes her cheeks and leans in, kissing around the plug buried in her ass. 

She moans at all the sensations, rubbing her chest into the bed and arching into his touch. 

His tongue runs all along the rim eagerly. He pulls at the plug and then pushes it back in, keeping his mouth on her at the same time. 

“Rafayel!” She moans breathlessly. Little tremors of pleasure skittled through her body.

His tongue slides all around, his saliva lubing the plug even more. She can’t help the shameless whimper that escapes her.

He pulls the plug out and pushes it back in, over and over while MC mewls and twitches below. When she easily takes the toy with no resistance, Rafayel removes it and tosses it in the ‘used’ pile.

“The next size up is my cock,” He breathes heavily, his voice dipping low. “Do you want that? Do you want me?” His hands dig into her thighs.

“Yes. I want you. Please,” She begs, looking back at him as he adds lube to his cock. "I'm ready."

He strokes himself, eyes glued to her ass. Lube is dripped along his length and he pumps his fist to spread it around. He braces one hand on the mattress and lines himself up. He then folds himself over her body, pressing his chest to her back, arms on either side of her face, caging her in. 

“I’m going to stay still, and I want you to push back into me at your own pace, okay? Can you do that for me?” He moves her hair to one side and plants sweet kisses along her shoulder. 

She nods eagerly and pushes her hips back. He adjusts himself so he’s perfectly angled at her asshole then cages her in again. “Slowly, Cutie.” He reminds her with a whisper in her ear.

She goes slow, moving back against the blunt tip of his cock. She feels it stretch her as she presses harder. 

“Mm, that's it. Take your time.” He encourages her, his lips still seeking to press against every inch of her skin he can reach. 

She does, pressing slowly as moments pass. Finally, the thick head of his cock pops passed the tight ring of her ass and they both gasp. 

“Yes!” She takes a breather. “Oh. The stretch feels so good.” She whimpers. 

“Fuck.” He pants. “Yes. You’re doing amazing. Keep going.” He praises her, nipping at her shoulder with gentle bites. The way his voice gets deeper when he's in a heated state sends butterflies fluttering around her stomach walls.

Neither of them expected to get this far tonight. The training was supposed to be a build-up over the course of the weekend, but he’d made her feel so relaxed and took his time, her body acclimated very quickly. 

Rafayel panted as she started pressing back again, taking more of him. 

“Take it, Cutie. Take me all the way.” Rafayel moaned, losing himself in the moment. He always got chatty when things heated up. “I’ll make you feel so good,” His lips trailed over her shoulder along the back of her neck. 

She trembles as she dares to take in more of him. Her knees quake as she slowly presses back into his hips. The sensation was strange but oh-so-good. The more his cock stretched her, the more she wanted. 

She moans louder and Rafayel starts breathing heavier. His fists shake as he holds his body weight up above her.

“Take more, take more of me. Go slower if you need to. I won’t move.” He promised, breathing harshly into the back of her hair. 

The sensation of his cock sliding into her felt never-ending. 

“Oh! It feels so deep.” She catches her breath for a moment. 

“I’m not even halfway,” He kisses her neck and ear. “All the toys were short just to help prepare you for penetration. Is this okay?” 

“Yes, Rafayel. ” She allows her body to acclimate for a moment more before pressing back again to take more of his cock inside her. 

His chest presses down on her back and she can see just how much he's stopping himself from thrusting all the way to the hilt. His heart beats wildly against her back while his breathy moans continuously met her ears. 

They both groan the farther in he was. Finally, fucking, finally, his hips press directly against her ass. He was all the way buried inside her. 

“I need a minute,” Rafayel drops his head into the crook of her shoulder, breathing deeply. 

“It feels… feels a bit violating.”  She lets out a small breathy laugh. 

Rafayel inhales deeply “In a good way?” 

“Oh, yes.” She reassures him, rocking slightly to tease him.

“I’ve been wanting to 'violate' you for a while now.” He lets out a breathy chuckle and so does she. 

She pushes back a bit, trying to encourage him to move.

“Ah, fu-” He groans. 

“You’re so deep,” She moans, gripping the sheets. “I feel so full.” She adds quietly.

“Say that again. Tell me again,” Rafayel pleads, forehead pressing into the back of her head. 

“I feel so full, Rafayel. You’re so big…” 

Rafayel lets out a burst of air, tickling the skin on her neck. 

“Mm, and I’m going to keep filling you up, nice and deep, over and over again.” His voice is sinfully low. “Do you want that? Hm? Tell me,” 

“Yes! I want you to keep filling me up,” 

He groans and adjusts his position minutely. “Ready for me to move?” He scrapes his teeth over a sensitive spot on her neck. 

“Yes, start moving a little bit,” She braces herself for the foreign feeling. 

“Let’s see how well you take me,” He whispers in her ear and kisses it before he gently moves. 

He rocks his hips slowly, filling her to the brink before pulling out again. 

“Mmm!” She yanks on the blanket. 

“You’re doing so well,” He thrusts a bit faster when she doesn’t protest. 

She moans and sucks in breaths. “I’m going to fall apart, fuck…” 

“I’m just getting started,” He uncurls himself from her and sits back on his knees between her legs. He lets out a moan at the sight of his cock in her ass and starts fucking her faster. 

The absence of his body heat makes the air in the room feel cold on her back. She shivers as she whimpers little cries of pleasure. “So full…” 

“Yes,” Rafayel drives his cock home, again and again. “Your ass takes my cock so well,” A quiet ‘fuck’ falls from his lips. 

“Ha- Rafayel…” She pants as he goes faster, fucking her at his normal stride. 

Rafayel’s hands grip her ass. He sits back and spreads her cheeks, watching himself fuck into her. “This is incredible.” He moans.  

“That angle! Yes!” She desperately pleads.

“I never want this to stop,” He huffs as he fucks her at the angle she requested. “You like this angle? Is it pressing against all the right spots?” 

She found her center of gravity again and started pushing back into each of his thrusts. The angle he was hitting her at made her feel all kinds of good things inside. 

“It is, Yes! Oh, don’t stop,” They find a matching rhythm and speed up together. 

He squeezed one of her ass cheeks, gripping and pulling her with each thrust.

“This is better than my fantasy,” He let out a breathless chuckle. 

Her neglected pussy was slick with desire. Rafayel reached around and rubbed her little clit in circular motions.

She was yelling out ‘yes’ and ‘more’ as he touched her intimately. 

He used his other hand to squeeze her ass again and then she was falling, flying, shaking under him. Her orgasm hit her like a bus. 

“That feels good,” Rafayel commented on how her walls squeezed his cock as she came. 

As her orgasm ended, she started to squirm and whimper. He removed his finger from her pussy and went back to chasing his own release. 

His hands gripped onto her ass cheeks, thrusting faster and faster. His knees dug into the bed and each thrust sent her body jolting forward. The pillow below her hips got pushed and pulled so much it basically became useless. 

“Ha-” Rafayel moans louder the closer he gets. “I’m close,” He alerts her. 

“I want it!” She mewls into the bed. “Cum inside me, please” She begs him. 

“Fuck…” His hips studders. “Tell me again!” He demands as he huffs air. 

“Please cum inside me, please, please, please.” 

Rafayel thrusts into her deep one last time and his cock throbs hard as his eyes clench shut. 

He curls back down on top of her against her back, keeping their bodies locked. His moans fill her ears as his body pulses with pleasure.

His chest is much warmer now against her back, sticky from sweat, but so comforting. His familiar musk fills her nose and her whole body relaxes in his embrace.

“Just gonna…” Rafayel kisses her neck lazily. “...stay inside you until I get hard again.” 

She let out a breathless laugh and Rafayel cracked a smile. 

“I have a feeling you’re going to want to do this more often.” She spoke quietly between them, resting her cheek on the bed and looking up at him. 

“You bet,” He reached out and cupped her face in his hand. “If you’re up for it.” 

They relaxed like that, catching their breath and having some pillow talk before Rafayel’s body inevitably reset for round two. 

[pandapetals]

Truth or Dare

logan howlett x fem!reader - x-men play never have i ever, drinking, fluff, teasing, truth or dare, flirting, no y/n used, no reader description

You and the X-Men play Never Have I Ever until it gets out of hand leading to you and Logan playing Truth or Dare.

read on Ao3

“This was a stupid idea,” Scott grumbled, taking a long swig of his beer and glaring around the room, earning an unimpressed look from Storm.

“This was your idea!” you shot back, smirking as you sat cross-legged on the floor of Storm’s room, a beer in hand. The entire team was gathered in a loose circle, acting like a bunch of teenagers playing party games. The latest one? Never Have I Ever. As expected, things had escalated quickly.

The first round had been tame enough—questions about embarrassing crushes and schoolyard antics. Then, of course, Logan had to go and drop a risqué bomb, shifting the game’s tone completely.

“Well,” Scott huffed, clearly flustered, “I didn’t sign up to be asked if I’ve ever kissed a guy.”

Logan chuckled, leaning back against the bed with an amused smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You don’t have to answer, Slim. Just drink if you have. Thought I was the old-school one around here.”

Scott rolled his eyes, taking another long sip of his beer. “It’s not the question,” he mumbled, clearly trying to avoid further embarrassment, “it’s just... I wasn’t expecting that.”

Jean, sitting beside Scott, gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “It’s just a game, Scott. No need to get worked up over it. If it’s too much, we can always switch to something else.” Her voice was gentle, but there was a glimmer of amusement in her eyes.

Logan, on the other hand, wasn’t about to let it slide. “Oh yeah? What about truth or dare?” he suggested, his smirk widening. He clearly knew how to push Scott’s buttons and was having way too much fun doing it. “Bet we’d get even better answers outta you.”

“No, no way. I’m not playing that,” Scott said quickly, a hint of panic creeping into his voice as he took another large gulp of his beer.

You couldn’t help but gasp dramatically, leaning forward with a mischievous grin. “Wait a minute—so does that mean you have kissed a guy, Scott?”

A few chuckles echoed around the circle, and Scott’s face turned an even deeper shade of red. “That’s not what I meant,” he muttered, clearly flustered.

“You’re awfully defensive, Summers,” Logan drawled, raising his beer bottle to his lips with a knowing look. “Kinda makes me wonder.”

“I’m not defensive,” Scott shot back, crossing his arms like a petulant child, but the blush creeping up his neck betrayed him. “I just don’t feel like discussing... things.”

Storm, sitting next to you, raised an eyebrow, her lips curving into a small, amused smile. “You don’t have to discuss it, Scott. That’s the whole point of the game. You either answer or you drink.”

Scott muttered something under his breath, and everyone shared a knowing glance. Jean gave him a supportive nudge. “It’s really not that big of a deal.”

He sighed, reaching for his beer again. “Yeah, well, still not talking about it.”

“Looks like that’s a yes,” you teased, giving Scott a playful nudge with your elbow. “Don’t worry, Scott, we’re all very open-minded here.”

Logan chuckled lowly, clearly enjoying Scott’s discomfort. “Hey, no shame in it, bub. You’re not gonna hear any complaints from me.”

Scott groaned, rubbing his temples. “Can we move on to something else now? Please?”

“Sure,” Jean said with a smile, always the peacemaker. “Logan, why don’t you go next?”

Logan’s eyes gleamed mischievously as he leaned forward, clearly not about to let things calm down just yet. “Alright, alright. Let’s keep it interesting.” He paused for dramatic effect, glancing around the room. “Never have I ever... hooked up with someone from the team.”

The air in the room immediately shifted. You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks as you tried not to react, but Logan’s eyes flickered toward you for just a second too long, that smug, knowing smirk never leaving his face.

The silence stretched for a moment before Storm, always calm and collected, raised an eyebrow and lifted her drink to her lips with a small, measured sip. Jean, on the other hand, looked slightly flustered while taking a sip. Scott seemed too focused on his own embarrassment to catch the weight of the moment.

Logan’s gaze lingered on you, waiting, watching. His smirk widened when he noticed you hadn’t moved yet.

You huffed, feeling the tension rise as everyone’s eyes started darting between the two of you. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Just curious,” Logan said, his voice casual, but the glint in his eye said otherwise. “You got somethin’ to confess?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, your heart racing despite yourself. “Oh, please. I don’t kiss and tell,” you quipped, raising your beer and taking a slow, deliberate sip just to prove a point.

A chorus of “Ooooohs” echoed around the room, and you felt your face grow hotter as Logan let out a low, amused chuckle.

“Damn, didn’t expect that,” Scott muttered, looking genuinely shocked for the first time all night.

Logan gave you a knowing grin, his eyes never leaving yours. “Good to know.”

You rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the way your pulse quickened under his gaze. “Your turn’s over, Logan. Someone else ask a question before this gets out of hand.”

Storm, ever the voice of reason, shook her head with a smirk. “I think it’s already out of hand.”

Jean laughed softly. “Well, it’s certainly more interesting than grading papers.”

You snorted, glad for the distraction. “I’ll drink to that.”

The night went on, with the tension ebbing and flowing between lighthearted fun and moments of charged silence whenever Logan’s eyes lingered on you a little too long. The banter was playful, but beneath the surface, you could feel the unspoken energy between you and Logan simmering, neither of you willing to fully acknowledge it just yet.

The game was a dangerous one, and as the night wore on, you couldn’t help but wonder if something had shifted. If maybe, just maybe, there was more to Logan’s teasing than he was letting on.

By the time the beer was gone and the group had dispersed, you found yourself standing in the hallway with Logan. The others were heading off to bed, but Logan lingered, leaning casually against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

He gave you a sideways glance, that smirk still playing on his lips. “So... you gonna tell me who it was?”

You blinked, caught off guard by the question. “What?”

Logan straightened up, stepping closer, his eyes glinting with amusement. “Who was the lucky guy from the team, huh?”

You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms defensively. “Please, Logan. I wasn’t serious back there. I just didn’t like the way you were looking at me so I drank.”

He raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. “Uh-huh. Sure.”

You took a deep breath, feeling the tension between you two start to thicken again, the playful edge in his voice not enough to mask the heat beneath his words.

“And you, Logan?” you asked, stepping closer, challenging him. “You never drank either. So what’s your secret?”

Logan chuckled, his eyes darkening just a little as they met yours. “Guess you’ll have to keep playin’ to find out, darlin’.”

He gave you a wink, then turned and headed down the hallway, leaving you standing there, heart racing, wondering just how far this game was going to go.

You stood in the hallway for a moment, your heart still racing from the playful, heated exchange. Logan's words echoed in your head—Guess you’ll have to keep playin’ to find out, darlin’. He had left you standing there, that signature smirk of his teasing and inviting all at once.

Before you knew it, your feet were already moving, carrying you down the hall after him. There was something about the way Logan had challenged you, leaving things hanging in the air, that made it impossible to just let it go. He always knew how to push your buttons, but tonight? Tonight was different. Tonight, it felt like you were both daring each other to cross a line that had been drawn long ago.

You caught up with him just as he reached his room, his hand already on the door handle. “Logan,” you called out, your voice quiet but steady.

He turned, glancing over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow, clearly surprised to see you following him. “You lost, sweetheart?” he teased, leaning against the doorframe. “Storm’s room’s back the other way.”

You crossed your arms, feeling the familiar spark of tension between you ignite again. “We’re not done playing,” you said, your voice firmer than you expected.

Logan’s smirk returned, and his eyes darkened with something you couldn’t quite place. “That so?”

You nodded, stepping closer, your heart thudding in your chest. “Yeah. You still owe me an answer. Since the game was your idea, I think it’s only fair we finish it properly.”

Logan let out a low chuckle, his eyes never leaving yours as he pushed the door to his room open. “You sure you wanna keep playin’? I thought you were all talk back there.”

You swallowed, your pulse quickening at the way his gaze seemed to heat as he looked at you. “I’m serious,” you replied, stepping inside the room without hesitation.

Logan watched you for a moment, clearly weighing his options, before finally stepping in behind you and closing the door. The air in the room felt heavier, more intimate, as if the walls themselves knew what was going on between the two of you.

“Alright then,” Logan drawled, leaning back against the door, arms crossed over his chest. “What do you wanna know?”

You bit your lip, suddenly feeling the weight of the moment. You hadn’t really thought this far ahead—following Logan had been more of an impulsive decision, driven by a mixture of curiosity and something else you didn’t quite want to name. Now, standing here in his room, alone, the atmosphere between you had shifted from playful banter to something charged, electric.

“You never drank during that last round,” you said, your voice quiet but steady. “So, have you?”

Logan raised an eyebrow, his smirk never fading. “Have I what?”

You rolled your eyes, but there was a heat creeping into your cheeks that you couldn’t quite control. “Hooked up with someone from the team.”

Logan chuckled, pushing off from the door and stepping closer, his eyes never leaving yours. He stopped just a foot away, the space between you shrinking with every second. “Nah,” he said, his voice low, almost a rumble. “Never hooked up with anyone from the team.”

The way he said it made your pulse race. There was something in his tone, something suggestive that made your breath hitch.

“You don’t say?” you replied, trying to keep your voice steady, though you knew Logan could probably hear your heartbeat quickening.

He tilted his head, his eyes flicking over you with that same dark amusement. “Not yet, anyway.”

Your stomach flipped at his words, and you swallowed hard, trying to maintain some semblance of composure. It was hard—really hard—when Logan was standing this close, his presence so overwhelming, his scent of leather and faint aftershave filling your senses.

“Your turn,” Logan said, his voice a low rumble as he stepped even closer, his arm brushing lightly against yours. “You said earlier that you don’t kiss and tell. But I gotta ask... was that the truth? Or were you just tryin’ to get a rise outta me?”

You met his gaze, feeling the heat between you intensify with every passing second. “What do you think?”

Logan’s smirk deepened, his eyes darkening as they flicked down to your lips for a brief second before returning to your eyes. “I think,” he said slowly, his voice gravelly and low, “you’re a lot better at games than you let on.”

The tension in the room was palpable now, the air thick with something unspoken but undeniable. Your heart was racing, and you knew there was no backing out of this now, no pretending that the attraction between you was just harmless flirting. 

“Well,” you said, your voice soft, but steady, “if you’re so sure, maybe we should make things a little more... interesting.”

Logan’s eyes gleamed with intrigue, his smirk widening. “What did you have in mind?”

You stepped closer, closing the distance between you until you could feel the heat of his body, your breath mingling with his. “Truth or dare.”

Logan let out a low chuckle, his eyes gleaming with amusement and something darker, something that made your pulse race. “Alright. I’ll bite. Truth or Dare?”

You took a deep breath, feeling the quick thrum of your heart, each beat loud enough in your chest that you swore Logan could hear it. “Truth.”

Logan’s eyes darkened, narrowing slightly as he tilted his head. For a moment, he didn’t speak, just studied you, the silence between you thick with unspoken tension. His gaze, sharp and focused, flicked over your face, like he was weighing something, considering the space between you.

“Why’d you follow me up here?” His voice was low, rough around the edges, making the air in the room feel even smaller.

You swallowed hard, suddenly all too aware of how close you were to him. Close enough that you could feel the heat from his body, smell the faint mix of leather and smoke that clung to him. Close enough that you could reach out, close the distance, press your lips to his and give in to what had been simmering for months, just beneath the surface.

You held back, meeting his gaze, the weight of it pinning you in place. You gave him the only answer that felt true, even though it made your chest tighten.

“Because I didn’t want the game to end.”

Logan’s smirk softened, his eyes still locked on yours, a glint of something deeper flickering behind them. “Didn’t want the game to end, huh?”

You nodded, your throat tight, your heart racing faster now. “Not yet.”

The space between you hummed, alive with possibility. Logan’s gaze lingered, intense and unreadable, making your breath catch. The air seemed thicker, charged, as if the world around you had slowed down, waiting for something to break.

Then, slowly, deliberately, Logan reached out. His fingers brushed against your arm, a featherlight touch, but it was enough to send a shiver rippling down your spine. His hand lingered there, warm and steady, grounding you, but also igniting something deeper.

“Truth or Dare?” you whispered, your voice barely above a breath, struggling to sound steady while the tension swirled around you.

Logan’s lips twitched into a small smile—something teasing, yet dark. “Truth.”

“What are you so afraid of?” The words slipped out, quieter than you intended, but they hung there between you, heavy and unmovable.

Logan’s smirk faltered, the teasing glint in his eyes dimming slightly. He didn’t pull back, didn’t flinch, but you saw the way his jaw tightened, the way his fingers twitched at his side, like he was gripping onto something just out of your view.

There was a long pause, so quiet you could hear the faint creak of the floorboards as he shifted his weight.

“I ain’t afraid of much,” he said finally, his voice low, a little rougher than usual. But the way his eyes darkened told you there was more. Always more.

You tilted your head, stepping closer, closing just enough of the space between you that you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin. "That’s not what I asked."

Logan’s gaze flickered to yours, his brow furrowing slightly as he took you in. His hand, still resting lightly against your arm, tightened just a little, as if he were grounding himself in the moment. The playful banter that usually filled the air between you was gone now, replaced by something deeper, something heavier.

For a moment, he didn’t answer. The quiet stretched between you, thick with tension, the kind that made your skin buzz, every nerve heightened. You didn’t push, didn’t fill the silence, just waited.

“I’m not afraid of fightin’, or losin’,” Logan murmured, his voice dropping to something rougher, more honest. “Not even dyin’. Hell, done that enough times already.”

His gaze lowered, but not before you caught the flicker of something vulnerable beneath the usual gruff exterior. It was fleeting, but it was there. His fingers traced a slow, absentminded line down your arm, the movement almost unconscious, but it sent a shiver through you all the same.

“What I’m afraid of,” he continued, his voice even quieter now, almost a growl, “is hurtin’ you.”

Your breath caught, your chest tightening at the rawness in his voice. It was rare, moments like this with Logan. Moments where he let down the walls, even for a second, and let you glimpse the man beneath the tough exterior.

"You won’t hurt me," you whispered, barely finding your voice. "I can handle it. I can handle you."

His eyes snapped back to yours, dark and searching, like he was trying to decide if you really meant it. If you really knew what you were saying.

“Don’t say that unless you mean it,” he muttered, his grip on your arm tightening just slightly, his thumb brushing over your skin in a way that made your pulse quicken. “You don’t know what you’re signin’ up for.”

You leaned in, the space between you almost nonexistent now. "I’m still here, aren’t I?"

Logan’s breath hitched, his gaze flicking down to your lips for just a split second before meeting your eyes again. There was something wild in his expression now, something barely restrained. You could feel the tension building, the unspoken question hanging between you like a live wire, waiting for someone to make the first move.

“Your turn,” Logan rasped, his voice a little more hoarse, filled with that dangerous edge that always sent a shiver down your spine. “Truth or dare?”

You swallowed, your pulse racing in your chest. “Dare.”

A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth, but it wasn’t teasing this time. It was something darker, more intense, like the moment had finally caught up with him. His hand slid up your arm, settling on your shoulder, his thumb brushing lightly against your collarbone.

“I dare you to kiss me,” Logan said, his voice low and commanding, but there was something else behind it too—something vulnerable, like he was giving you an out, a chance to walk away.

Your breath hitched, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. You could feel the heat of him, the steady rise and fall of his chest, the way his fingers gently brushed against your skin. Without thinking, you closed the gap, your lips meeting his in a slow, heated kiss.

Logan responded immediately, his hand slipping around your waist, pulling you closer as the kiss deepened. His lips were warm, soft but firm, and the way he kissed you was intense, as if he’d been waiting for this just as long as you had. The tension that had been building between you for months finally broke, and it was like a dam had burst.

The kiss grew hungrier, more urgent, and you found yourself pressing closer to him, your hands tangling in his hair as his grip on your waist tightened. Logan’s other hand cupped your cheek, holding you to him as if he never wanted to let go.

When you finally pulled back, breathless and flushed, Logan’s eyes were dark, his smirk gone, replaced by something far more intense.

“I think,” he murmured, his voice low and rough, “we’re just gettin’ started.”

You smiled, your heart still racing as you leaned in, your lips brushing lightly against his. “Good,” you whispered. “I like where this is going.”

[saphronethaleph]

Filing a P-90

“Young man, a few moments of your time?”

CT-0102 looked up, confused.

“...how so?” the trooper asked. “You’re, uh, if you want to talk, you can just talk. If you have orders, go ahead and give them. Ma’am.”

“I’d rather not force you to discuss something,” the elderly woman said, by way of explanation. “I was wondering if you had a perspective on… weapons.”

“Weapons,” 102 repeated. “I guess… I’ve been trained with them? Using weapons is my job, I mean? Does that count as an opinion?”

“It might,” the old woman said. “But I meant more the philosophy of why a weapon exists.”

She shrugged, one hand resting for a moment on a long box by her side. “And, in particular, whether a weapon’s design tells us something about what it’s meant for.”

“This is getting dangerously philosophical, ma’am,” 102 admitted. “It’s above my pay grade.”

“It’s not above mine, I think,” the woman told him. “If you don’t want to talk, say so. I give you that permission, if you need it. But what I mean is that, for example… a lightsaber is a Jedi’s weapon, and that means that it’s a weapon of defence and of decisive attack. A lightsaber in trained hands is able to both protect others and to bring a quick end to any fight, and the respect it earns from those who see it can prevent a fight in the first place… a blaster, meanwhile, well, it depends on the blaster, doesn’t it?”

“I suppose that’s true, ma’am,” 102 admitted, glancing up for a moment as the turbulence around the ship increased – for a moment, at least.

There wasn’t anything he could do about it, so he just shrugged.

“A small pistol is intended to be concealed,” the woman went on. “It’s a weapon of self defence, but it’s also a weapon for committing an unexpected crime. While a larger, more powerful pistol, that’s a weapon of intimidation. It’s bulky enough to be difficult to conceal, and it’s less accurate than a long weapon, so it’s for both scare tactics and bringing a battle to a quick end. So does that mean it’s like a lightsaber?”

102 considered that.

“Our training covered how to handle most weapons, but it didn’t really address the cultural side of things,” he admitted. “We mostly focused on weapons for once a fight is inevitable.”

“Quite,” the woman agreed – 102 hadn’t actually got her name at any point. “The long rifle, which is designed for military efficiency on a battlefield. Harder to conceal in civilian life, almost impossible in fact, but it’s more effective than most weapons on a battlefield… at least, until you start dealing with either larger targets that they simply can’t damage, or more confined spaces where you want a shorter weapon. They share the attribute of being practical.”

She looked at his eyes, through the helmet. “Isn’t that interesting?”

“I guess,” 102 said, not really sure how to react. “Why do you say that?”

The woman was silent for several seconds, and as she was CT-0102 heard over the battalion push that they were getting close to their deployment point.

“If you don’t mind, I’d prefer this gunship to take up an overwatch position,” the woman said. “I do apologize, I should have mentioned it sooner.”

She pulled the box over to her, and undid the latches, then paused before opening it.

“What about this description of a weapon?” she asked. “A weapon that is designed for killing?”

102 blinked.

“Aren’t… most weapons designed for killing?” he asked. “That’s why they’re weapons.”

“Not at all,” the woman replied. “As we’ve just discussed. Your rifle is designed for practical battlefield use. Weight, length, shot count, rate of fire, all these considerations went into making it. Many other weapons are shaped by different design constraints entirely – a hold-out pistol, or a large heavy blaster. A lightsaber. I’m talking about a weapon that isn’t designed for a fight at all. That isn’t designed to be seen. That’s meant to be used as sparingly as possible, because you’re only meant to use it in the very direst need.”

She pushed open the box, and revealed a kind of long weapon, perhaps a blaster and perhaps not. It looked archaic, with some of the furniture made of actual wood and the rest out of something 102 couldn’t even identify, and there were odd protuberances and glowing blue segments on it.

“For such a weapon, all other considerations would be secondary to lethality,” the woman said. “If they were involved at all. It’s not intended to be involved in a battle, where you try to defeat the enemy; it’s not intended for a warning shot. The only purpose is to kill, and it is only to be used when there is no better choice.”

She knelt down on the floor of their gunship, and a few seconds later the Commander called out the launch order. Their assault ship was passing over the target zone, and all the gunships deployed.

Below, 102 could see the desert, and the darting red shapes of Aethersprite starfighters giving them cover against Geonosian fighter craft. More gunships were deploying, blasts going left and right, and 102 grabbed onto the handles overhead with a free hand for stability.

The woman didn’t seem to notice.

Instead, she took something from her belt, and slotted it into the weapon. It lit up, and she tapped a few controls before snugging the stock of the weapon into her shoulder.

“It’s a shame, you know,” she said, almost conversationally. “He was a great friend of mine, once. I thought he still was, until recently.”

“Who was?” 102 asked.

“Dooku,” the woman answered, her voice slightly distracted. “Emotion, yet peace… my old friend, I do not do this for revenge, but to prevent a greater wrong.”

The strange weapon spat out a bolt of brilliant sky-blue light, one that was like a solid bar connecting their gunship to the ground, and the woman hesitated for a moment… then let out a sigh.

“May you find the peace in death that so failed you in life,” she said, in tones of quiet prayer.

“Sorry, but – did you just…” 102 asked.

“What the kriff was that?” the gunship pilot asked, over the comm connection.

“Well, you can view it in two ways,” the Jedi Master said, ejecting her lightsaber from the rifle and examining it. “No, three, I think. Firstly, that my lightsaber and I were united in the need for that to be done. Secondly, that Count Dooku was too great a threat to peace in the galaxy to live. And third…”

Jocasta Nu placed the rifle back in its box.

“Nobody messes with the Jedi Archives,” she concluded.

[cripplecharacters]

Hi there, i have a character in my original story who is blind, specifically because he lost both eyes (one from injury, one from infection at birth). However, he doesn't have access to prosthetic/glass eyes as he lives in a secluded group of warriors. I've been drawing him with a blindfold to protect from infection, but upon reading your posts about eye coverings on blind characters, i'm unsure if this is offensive or not, but i also can't think of a good alternative other than going bare. He is a warrior, so i don't think glasses would stay on for very long, but i'm wondering if maybe goggles would work? Hes not the only blind character i have (one of the others is a born-blind cane user who does not wear glasses) but i still don't want to misrepresent or spread misinformation. Any help would be appreciated, thanks

Hello!

@blindbeta has an excellent post on the subject, which I'll link here [Link].

In your character's case, the cover would serve more for protecting their eyes and less for photophobia or other sensitivities. One of the points that's mentioned heavily in the post is to ask why your character is using a cover for their eyes.

In this case, you've already answered that question. Your character needs to protect their eyes from infection and further damage but doesn't have the option of prosthetics and glasses are inconvenient and could fall off or get in the way.

That being said... wouldn't a blindfold also get in the way?

A blindfold would be more of a problem in combat than a pair of glasses with a strap securing them. A blindfold gives his opponent another way to grab onto him (Think of ponytails) or something else to get caught on.

Also, if the goal is preventing infection, a blindfold would do the opposite here. Fabric is notorious for encouraging the growth of bacteria, fungi, and other microorganisms. When it's pressed up against your character's eye sockets while they're fighting and sweating, it's also creating a very humid and moist environment.

Back when I was still rock-climbing and would go blindfolded, the blindfold would become gross and sweaty after just a few rounds. I don't even want to think about how it would have been after a day of fighting and adding in the blood and other fluids that would be on it. This can be especially problematic if your character is living in a secluded place where he may not be able to properly wash the blindfold as often as needed.

In general, the goggles (Or a pair of secured glasses) may be a better way to go. They'd be less of a liability in combat and be much more effective at preventing infection than a blindfold would be. There's also the fact that they would be much easier to clean if it ends up being necessary.

Now, you didn't specifically ask about this but I would just like to point out that prosthetic eyes aren't just used for preventing infection. Prosthetic eyes allow you to maintain the function of your eyelid and ensures that your eye socket keeps its shape. Depending on your character's circumstances, this may or may not be a concern for them.

Regardless, I'd definitely suggest looking into this and giving it some thought if you haven't.

Here's a few links to get you started:

A brief article discussing the benefits of prosthetic eyes.

An article that talks about prosthetic eyes in general. It also includes some brief information on prosthetic eyes in the past, which may be of interest to you.

Some FAQs about prosthetic eyes. Most of this is more specific to the current prosthetics offered but has some general info as well.

If you haven't done so already, I'd also advise checking out the linked post from @blindbeta since it has some excellent information about the specific trope.

Cheers,

~ Mod Icaus

[cosmerelists]

Bridge 4 Discuss Terrible Pickup Lines

As (sort of) requested by @dewypeach and @imtheseventh

So back when @cam-ulu29 asked for a Kaladin flirting list, I ran a poll about whether it should be a sincere, sweet list or a list full of terrible, out-of-character pickup lines. The former won by a MILE, but some people were interested in the latter. Dewypeach & imtheseventh in particular suggested doing something with Bridge 4 either suggesting terrible pickup lines or having Kaladin try them out. So here's something like that!

Skar: Worst pickup lines you can come up with. Go.

Lopen: I suggested one for Kaladin, but it wasn't terrible--it was really good. He acted like it was terrible, though--does that count?

Kaladin: It WAS terrible.

Kaladin: And...weird.

Kaladin: I'm not going to flirt with Dalinar. He is my boss. And married. And old.

Lopen: So what I said, right, was that Kal should look Dalinar right in the eye, all serious-like, and say, "My relationship with my father is terrible. Will you be my new Daddy?"

Moash: [spits out drink]

Skar: No!

Lopen: Listen, it would work! I can read a man, and I KNOW that would work on Dalinar!

Kaladin: I DON'T WANT TO FLIRT WITH DALINAR, MY MARRIED ELDERLY BOSS

Lopen: Okay, okay! If you prefer to flirt with Navani, you just gotta roll up with something like, "So I heard you like long, thick towers. It just so happens that I..."

Kaladin: NO

Moash: See, the thing is, Kal, you're attractive enough that you could probably get away with a really bad pickup line.

Moash: I bet you could tell someone that you want to "Plunge straight into their their Honor Chasm" and I bet it would work.

Kaladin: That would absolutely not work.

Moash: You say that, and yet...

Rock: Moash has point, though! We are all well-known now, yes? All good-looking (except maybe for Lopen, who is unfortunately very short). I think men like us get away with some pretty bad lines, yeah?

Letyen: "You did a bridge run straight into my heart."

Moash: "I wanna explore YOUR chasms."

Kaladin: (What's you and the chasms, man?)

Lyn: "Let's...bridge this distance between us."

Teft: "I'm from Bridge 4. Do you want to get a drink?"

Skar: "Let me show you how good I am with my spear."

Sigzil: "You prefilled the forms in my heart."

[They all look at him]

Sigzil: What? In Azir, that's a very effective line.

Moash: Is that true, though, or are you making up Azir stories to trick us stupid Alethi?

Sigzil: [sips drink enigmatically]

Kaladin: Fine, fine, okay!

Kaladin: If I wanted to "pick someone up" with my Bridge 4 cred, I guess I'd try something like...

Kaladin: ...

Kaladin: Uh... How about: "My days in the bridge crews were horrible and dark. I barely survived. I lost a lot of friends. Good friends. It haunts me still. But now that I'm out, I've decided to live. And that means doing things that make me WANT to live."

Kaladin: "Like going out with you!"

Kaladin: [Looks at them expectantly]

Moash: Oh, Kal...

Lopen: Even your pretty face can't save that one, gon...

Skar: The thick tower line is looking better and better...

Kaladin: WELL YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES WHO BROUGHT IT UP

[revvethasmythh]

you say you think Veth should divorce, could you expand a bit on that if you don't mind? what do you see as a happy ending for her?

To be fair, "should divorce" is kind of a conditional statement. By which I mean, as it stands now, I more think Veth and Yeza need to have a serious conversation about their relationship and start having some open communication about what they both want, and then take things from there--which could end very happily for them! Or it could, theoretically, end in divorce. So, it really depends on how that hypothetical conversation might go that would determine if I actually think they need to get divorced. Tragically, that is much more nuanced and way less funny than just posting #BrenattosDivorceWatch2k24, so here we are.

As for what I think a happy ending for her would be...it's interesting, because I don't think she has an unhappy ending now. I think she is, largely, happy. I would call her ending an imperfect one, and I don't mean that in a bad way--all of Veth's potential endings were imperfect. That was the nature of her conflict in the later campaign, that no matter what she did she was losing in some aspect or another. If she keeps adventuring, she runs the risk of acting the absentee mother to Luc. If she goes home to her family, she's leaving her friends out in the cold and might not be there to help if they need her. Her story was about making a choice and living with the consequences of that choice, which was very much highlighted by her extra-marital feelings for Caleb.

And I don't mean lust here--Veth lusts a lot, famously for Sunbreaker Olomon, which she justified by saying "50/50 chance my husband's already dead, so" 😂. But I mean feelings for Caleb. And I think you'll find that the vast majority of Veth stans are, if not actively on #BrenattosDivorceWatch2k24, then at least more keyed into the marital issues between Veth and Yeza than your average watcher. Because in C2, Veth had what amounted to a long-term emotional affair with Caleb that pointedly did not resolve, and you largely see the general, non-Veth stan audiences fail to acknowledge or engage with that aspect of their relationship and how that, in turn, effected her relationship with Yeza. In c2e85, Veth first hedges that she "used" to have a crush on Caleb, to which Beau replies, "You know, I kind of got that vibe before, thought there might be that feeling." Then, after c2e97, Sam outright stated Veth was frustrated with Yeza and wasn't sure she was still in love with him at all on Talks. In the early 100s, the Veth playlist dropped and confirmed she had romantic feelings for Caleb. In c2e121, Veth and Caleb have an incredibly emotional one-on-one about guilt, how much they love each other, and how much they'll miss each other when Veth leaves, where Veth tells him, "I will always love you." In c2e126, Veth sees Astrid having a breakdown after talking to Caleb and says, "Well, wouldn't you [have a breakdown] if you wanted to be with this amazing young man, and couldn't be because of circumstances tearing you apart?" and then later that same episode tells Caleb "Nothing is more important than you" (to which my good friend, upon watching with me, immediately said, "Umm???? Veth, don't you have a husband and son???").

Then, in c2e129, Luc dies. And from then on out, Veth is wholly focused on finishing out this mission and finally, permanently returning home to her family. Not that this wasn't her goal before, but it's clear that a choice has been made at this point and she's sticking with it. She's choosing her family, which was really the only choice she could make. And a consequence of this decision is that those extra-marital feelings she harbored are never discussed, never confessed to anyone (and I don't mean to Caleb here, I mean, like, to a friend), and fundamentally never resolved.

I said this before somewhere, but I don't think it was a bad choice to avoid finding resolution to this sort of thing in the campaign. It's a bit of a sensitive, awkward topic to noodle around with in your TTRPG. But I do think that lack of resolution to either Veth's frustration with Yeza's easy acceptance of whatever she does or her extra-marital feelings in general led Veth to a place of wanting. Which was always what her story was about to begin with, so there's an interesting symmetry to starting and ending with her wanting something. It was easy to name what she wanted at the start of the campaign--her body back, her life back--and much more difficult to face the idea that you may not be completely satisfied with having all that returned to you, that there's still other things to want.

Though, I actually think the Wildemount Wildlings helped her strike a great balance between the things that she wanted, adventuring and homesteading, just that it was an impermanent solution. Because she's not going to willingly resolve any issues she has with Yeza (nor Yeza with her) because Veth is a terrible communicator who will never outright tell Yeza if she's feeling this way, and Yeza is too passive to really push her into talking, so they just dance around their issues, pretending not to see them while the issues just fester and get worse. That's why I'm a #BrenattosDivorce Truther. Because i HATE indecision and dawdling and staying in a situation where you're not completely happy when it does a disservice to yourself AND your partner and THIS is why I am always the first person in the group chat to say "BREAK UP WITH HIM."

So, yeah, personally? I'd just want that potential for conflict that exists between Veth and Yeza to come to some sort of head. That's my happy ending, vague as it is. But that's far from the only way she might get resolution. Or she might get no resolution, which is as imperfect an ending as any of her options, and I'm okay with that too.

[messydiabolical]

i’d once read a Mass Effect take that has been stewing in my melon ever since, about Wrex and him demanding a cure for the genophage during the war in 3. (I think it was on twitter but I can’t remember for sure. Just the idea of it stuck with me.) The general sentiment was that this was a dick move on his part, that there were “bigger problems” and this wasn’t the time and it was cruel and manipulative of him to put Shepard in that position. He should have helped out first and Shepard would have helped him back once the war was over. A lot of people chimed in agreeing, saying how they stopped liking Wrex after that. It bothered me for a bunch of reasons I didn’t feel I could adequately articulate, but i’m gonna try now. Prepare for my meandering thought style! The governing bodies of the Mass Effect Galaxy have repeatedly proven that they believe themselves superior to other species and know what’s best for everyone. They don’t let all species have a say in the council, always look out for their own species’ interests in so much as it pertains to keeping things as they are, and will happily go along with literal genocide to aid this. They approve of secret police and biological warfare espionage tactics. They weaponise bureaucracy to hide their cruelty behind ‘oh red tape has us bound, sorry uwu’.   I’m going to try to remain pertinent to the Wrex subject but as one great example of these governing bodies ways of dealing with percieved outsiders: The first contact war is a great example of how ludicrous and fascist things are.. ‘It’s ilegal to use this thing so we’re going to kill you for it’ without so much as a heads up. How were humans supposed to know that, exactly? The governing bodies of this place do not care about anyone outside their own self interests. Fall out of line and they will work to end you. Until you prove you might be useful or of interest to them in some way (or a threat). And then of course we later learn the asari were breaking these laws themselves, hoarding this tech to stay superior. Classic. Anyway, back to Wrex. Wrex knows this. Wrex has seen how the krogan are regarded and treated, the dangerous monolith species, outsiders who can never be let in, never forgiven, never given a chance to grow or change. For a long arse time. “But the krogan were getting out of control and also committing genocide, the genophage was a last ditch resort to stop a galactic war” … And it’s been hundreds of years since then. That 'last ditch resort' wasn’t used as a stop gap, a reset to even out the playing field so that new negotiations and relations could be developed. It was used to end the krogan, and has been actively maintained to continue that, ever since. Do you really, truly believe that if Wrex petitioned the council/ world leaders to negotiate reversing the genophage, they’d even let him have an audience with them? And if they did, do you really think these people, with their history and all the shit they pull, would listen and be reasonable? I can already hear the responses, that weaponised bureaucracy (“you raise an interesting point Mr Wrex but unfortunately we are recovering from a war don’t you know, please come back in 300 years for review, we are very interested in discussing this further then!”) Wrex is old, wise and knows exactly what is up. The only way the governing bodies of power were ever going to have a listen, was if he had something they needed. The war with the reapers provided that. And even then, he knew that they wouldn’t listen outright; having Shepard’s voice was a way to get the foot in the door. It makes my heart hurt to think about that honestly; how dehumanising (dekroganising?) it must feel to be the ruler of your people and know that you have to rely on your alien friend to even get someone to listen to you, when what you want to say is an extremely reasonable “hey committing genoicde against my people sucks, stop that now”. Anyway, Wrex was right, this was his one chance to save his people and he took it. Good for him.

[iapetusneume]

So, a friend was venting about this in the Discord Server, and the result was an interesting discussion about disability in 40k. And I don't know how much it might have been originally purposeful, but I do know that later authors have definitely explored how characters interact with the world and with disability.

To ignore disability in 40k is to miss a huge aspect of the setting and it's characters.

In the grimdarkness of the future, you'll probably lose a body part.

There is a post somewhere on Tumblr that talks about how, if you need glasses/contacts/surgery to see properly, you have a disability. And there were a lot of people who were upset by this, saying that it was so common, how could it be a disability? But they're right - glasses or contacts are disability aids. A simple one to use, sure, but it's still an aid.

I bring this up because in our current day and age, needing glasses/contacts is not considered unusual. You don't see someone with glasses at the grocery store and be like "omg what is even going on."

And I feel like this attitude is to any sort of prosthetic/augment in 40k. There's definitely a discussion to be had about the quality of the prosthetic/augment, and how that can show class differences (which is very much a common theme in 40k), but their existence and seeing people with them is not unusual.

There are also many parts of the narrative that does deal with the issues that arise from this. Maintenance, malfunctioning, replacement, sometimes phantom pain. There are a few people whose bodies reject the prosthetic/augment, and so their disability becomes more severe.

It is also brought up that, in more idyllic sci-fi, this is less visible. There can be many reasons for that. I think it was part budgeting reasons that in The Empire Strikes Back Luke's hand looks so surprisingly like skin. I'm sure part of that inspiration came from the desire to not want to have to deal with an extra costume issue for the future.

I wonder how often in live-action sci-fi that this was done. Or throwing a glove on a hand like Luke does in Return of the Jedi to hide that his fake skin on his hand was damaged.

But Warhammer started out with written descriptions and drawn illustrations, which gave a huge amount of freedom to imagining how the world would look. They were only limited by a writer's ability to describe a scene, or an artist's ability to draw it. There wasn't the restrictions of what practical effects could do for live action, or budgeting, or Actual Physics. Prosthetics/augments could be wild and crazy and common.

Time has gone on. We now have animated episodes and so many video games, and characters having prosthetics/augments are a part of the setting. At this point, it would honestly feel weird to look at a group of people (and this includes space marines out of armor) and not see at least a few people who have something.

It's as common to us as wearing glasses, and it sure as hell ain't virtue signalling.

[relaxxattack]

Piggybacking off the last anon, what is it you like about Jane so much? I find my feelings on her kind of mixed but I lean towards positive.

okay i haven’t read act six in probably like 5 years so bear with me here. *cracks knuckles*

jane is sooo so interesting and it’s really a shame people miss like everything fun about her.

pre-scratch she used her detective work to literally succeed at tearing down the crocker cooperation, to the point that HIC has to fucking abandon ship and head into another universe to have another shot at her evil empire. pre-scratch jane is also fucking hilarious! if you didnt enjoy her antics with john as nannasprite you must just have no heart

meanwhile HIC breaches a new universe, and her FIRST fucking order of business is to NEUTRALIZE JANE CROCKER because of how goddamn detrimental she was to HIC’s plans the first time around.

not ONLY does HIC pump subliminal messaging and brainwashing into nearly every aspect of jane’s life, she also tries to straight up mind control her basically whenever possible! she ALSO sends assassination attempts after jane 24/7! (people will seriously try to say that jane lived a safe normal life… as if she wasn’t almost killed by walking into her backyard.) this is because HIC is fucking scared of jane, as she very well should be!

jane is also NOT a boring weepy annoying crybaby like everyone and their mother complains about. jane is literally the most fucking supportive friend and emotion-repressing dumbass you could ever hope to meet. jane combines john’s emotional repression and jade’s intentional cheerfulness together into one of the most fucked up cases of emotional repression in the whole comic

act 6 suffers from a LOT of shitty writing choices, but it’s not jane’s fault the whole act turns into a soap opera— and she’s ALSO not the only one who acts all soap-opera-y either! literally all of the alpha kids suffer from this, people just like jane the least so they project it all onto her. despite the fact that she did her very fucking best to NEVER talk about her feelings, to the point where she ONLY started telling people about shit when she was mind-controlled or took mind altering substances to make her do so! and you can say “ohhh that’s stupid she shouldn’t repress things in the first place how dumb” but, one she’s sixteen, and two, everyone eats that shit up when it comes from like. literally any other character.

people (cough hs2 writers) act like she would actually be “pushy” with a relationship on jake— as if she wasn’t literally the one who helped him make the decision to explore dating dirk?? because she thought it was the right thing to do???

jane is incredibly thoughtful and mature and people really throw all of those traits out of the window with preference for a version of the story where she Comes Inbetween Their Fave Gay Pairing as if she wasn’t, again, the one who got them together. jane is also extremely interesting in terms of queerness; she’s got the makings of a really interesting arc, not to mention she’s the only human girl that dresses mainly masc! there’s a lot there that people just don’t care to explore.

people just have less patience for the prospit kids in general. not to mention homestuck fans love to be misogynistic and berate jane for stuff they love the men doing, or claim she’s coming between them when she’s not, etc etc. and then because no one was writing fun meta posts about her, nobody ever rereads the comic to grab little scenes or lines to expand the online discussion about her! and then because there’s no discussion about her, people assume she’s boring and don’t go looking for bits to start discussing, which cycles on and on forever until we have the ripple effects we see of that misogyny today. which mostly consists of, “oh i hate jane because she was a villain is hs2”, or, “i know hs2 isn’t canon but i still don’t care for jane because she doesn’t do anything that interests me.” (and she’s only not interesting because of the cycle i mentioned before causing NO ONE to have meta discussion about her).

idk, it’s been a while since ive read so i could be talking out my ass but that’s what i’ve got.

TL;DR: jane is fucking COOL, she just suffers from intentional fandom ignorance. and she’s also a canonically hot, fat, masc woman, so i don’t know what else you could possibly want.

[vigilskeep]

Do you have any kind of analysis of Cassandra's character? I find how you talk about her so interesting and different from how the rest of the fandom refers to her

i wouldn’t say i know her very well; i’ve never yet done her personal quest and i don’t bring her out a lot. here are... some notes? displayed messily

cassandra is first and foremost a violent person. when she doesn’t know how to solve a problem, she leads with violence; her interrogation of varric, her reaction when he brought hawke to skyhold, threatening to execute solas simply for failing to produce results with his tests on the anchor when the herald was first found. chancellor roderick says this outright—and you are a thug, but a thug who supposedly serves the chantry—but her use for divinia justinia was as a blunt tool, not capable of subtlety or diplomacy. unlike other members of the inquisition, she is not very capable of exerting power in other ways than violence, and she has spent her entire life expecting to hold power in any situation

cassandra could have been the inquisitor. she’s pretty much the obvious choice. she has to be actively dodging that to go on a wild goose chase to find the hero of ferelden and then the champion, and then still to evade it further and hand it over to the herald, who she may not even approve of. at haven, she at least appears at the war table. at skyhold, she doesn’t, having further and further removed herself from the role. if she does get along with your inquisitor, it suggests faith in your choices, following your lead. but it has a kind of different unique effect if she doesn’t rlly get along with your inquisitor, where it really feels like she’s been pushed out or allowed herself to be pushed out of the movement she started. either way her movement to be divine feels related to not having taken that lead position before

she gets very caught up in her own perspective on a situation. i think often of when she laughs at the herald and says “is that what you see?” when they ask if this isn’t still part of the chantry, which is what literally anyone normal would see. or her infamous comment to lavellan about whether or not there’s room among their gods for one more, completely missing that this would be a bizarre thing for them to ask of her. or describing varric’s andrastianism as “deep down, his heart is virtuous” to a non-andrastian inquisitor. etc, etc. it doesn’t occur to her to censor herself or consider how her words come across to other people who don’t have the same beliefs she does. she probably has mostly only been exposed to people who don’t have the same beliefs she does as idk antagonists and opposition, as the “criminals” she has to interrogate

she overthinks the consequences of her actions, the weight of history bearing down, in a way that suggests a kind of preoccupation with the assumption that her actions and life will be written of. nobody who reads as many of varric tethras’ books as she does isn’t kind of into that, despite her complaints. when a character constantly self-criticises but you only get approval from saying “no you’re totally good and cool and did the best you could!!!” and disapproval and sudden defensiveness from saying “yeah that was a bad move i’m glad you’re thinking about it”, i think i can come to some pretty safe conclusions about what that character really thinks and what they want to hear

her comments about “change” in her vision for the chantry are confusing at best, considering that she distinguishes herself from leliana almost exclusively by saying that leliana would change too much. her point is largely to restore things as they were, but all the things she’s restoring will, you know, somehow be better now. with very little discussion of how that could actually be achieved, as far as i can tell. even if i did agree with her end goal, i don’t think she would instil confidence

i don’t dislike cassandra i think she’s quite interesting but i don’t find her either admirable or sufficiently entertaining in order to want her approval or to hang out with her really so she does get a little left to the wayside in my attempted playthroughs personally

[pumpkinmetaphor]

Ouran, Performance, Audience

Okay I said I was going to write this and I can't look at it anymore so posting. Anyway, performance in Ouran is interesting and we’ve all been chatting about it lately. Each character puts on an “act” for the guests, each character puts on another “act” for the people around them. It’s a testament to how well the characters are written that we can unravel these performances throughout the text. I still think there’s several levels of reading the characters and the text as well. 

Ouran is satire- hence why they’re essentially parodying these archetypes. But Ouran is also self-aware, self-referential, and meta. Characters break the fourth wall. They’re, at varying levels, aware of being in a story. We have characters who obviously break the fourth wall (Kyoya looking right into the camera in episode 1, for example. I would say Tamaki’s “homosexual supporting cast” speech, except it’s kind of an anomaly for him) and characters who are resistant to any sort of self-reflection that might lead them to any sort of conclusions like this (Hikaru.) I will at one point go through the entire manga again and count how many times each character narrates– which, to my recollection, is uncommon outside of Haruhi (MC obvs, and framed as talking to her mother) and Kaoru (framed as talking to himself/ the audience/ Hikaru-that-lives-in-his-brain) but I could be misremembering.

This is generally played for comedic effect. Tamaki breaks the fourth wall when it’s funny. Kyoya plays dumb about plot conventions (such as “we have birthdays here?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”) when it’s funny for him to do so. 

Anyway that’s just my setup. I want to discuss the Paris Arc, specifically whatever is going on with Kaoru. 

Read More because this is 2k words.

Kaoru is an interesting character because I think the performance is a little more pronounced. There’s reason to interpret he generally controls the scripts, his host club act is a bigger deviation from his natural personality, and fundamentally, as a person, Kaoru is less solid in his sense of identity. 

Which does kind of beg a question. The version of Kaoru the host club girls get is clearly fake. But the Kaoru most people get is some form of a mask. Kaoru reflects Hikaru– which is what Hikaru needs until Kaoru fears he doesn’t. Kaoru seems to take Haruhi’s assertion that he’s the “less evil one” to heart. I think neither Hikaru or Kaoru know what Haruhi is going to say is the difference between them in Episode/Chapter 5 because they themselves don’t know– aside from this very philosophical “well the one who is you is the one who is not me and the one who is not you is me etc.”

Anyway, we all kind of understand the general baseline– Hikaru is going to grow up, fall in love, and spread his wings– Kaoru is afraid this means Hikaru will leave him behind. This is the plot. 

But I think a lot of this comes down to “the thing they won’t be able to share,” which is presented to us in the form of that cookie. Haruhi notes that Kaoru will just give whatever it is to Hikaru. Hikaru ultimately snaps the cookie in half and forces Kaoru to take half of it anyway. This kind of embodies the fundamental difference between them, in my book. 

(Ch. 45, various spliced together pages) Hikaru: It is literally not on Hikaru’s radar that there might ever be anything that he and Kaoru do not share. He does not conceive this on any level before the Paris Arc. Kaoru will literally always be here, he is a constant that Hikaru cannot conceive losing. Hikaru’s not afraid of Kaoru abandoning him– he may be, afraid something will happen to Kaoru that will take him away, but he’s not afraid of Kaoru choosing to leave. Why would he? Kaoru is the one person who cannot betray him. 

Kaoru: It is a given that Hikaru will one day leave. It is simply the only way. Hikaru will grow up and, for various reasons, Kaoru will not grow with him. And Hikaru will choose to leave– this will not be a betrayal, it’s just how life works when you’re not the main character in your story. Your carriage turns back into a grubby ole pumpkin and you’re left all alone. 

After the cookie scene, Kaoru tells Hani that he has feelings for Haruhi. This is, in my opinion, when Kaoru takes the reins of the narrative. Of the carriage, so to speak. The carriage in the anime exists on the condition that no one acknowledges that they’re in a love story and “breaks” the found family. Kaoru saying he’s in love with Haruhi steers the narrative on the course to the inevitable. 

Which is great!

Except is Kaoru in love with Haruhi? 

My hypothesis: it literally doesn’t matter. Kaoru’s feelings for Haruhi do not drive the narrative. Kaoru talking about it does. He could be lying. He could be mistaken. He could be genuinely in love with her. It could be an idle crush. It doesn’t matter. It’s the performance of this love for the appropriate audience (aka: Hani, Hikaru etc.) that matters.

I think the base reading of this arc is that the cookie is Haruhi. Haruhi is the one thing they can’t share, right? They can’t like, keep eating biscuits out of her mouth and licking her face if Hikaru wants her to be his girlfriend and Kaoru wants her too. While I don’t think it’s incorrect to read this as a concern Kaoru has, I don’t think it gets to the heart of the issue. 

So, performance!

Kaoru puts on his little act for Hikaru throughout the Paris Arc. Generally tormenting him, ostracising him. In a way giving him a taste of what Kaoru goes through in a zillion Hika/Haru fanfictions or Kaoru’s own nightmares. This culminates in the date, where Kaoru basically brings Haruhi on the date he asked her on first (before giving it to Hikaru) and hitting every single mark that Hikaru missed. Not that anyone is enjoying themselves regardless to be honest. 

And of course, at the end, he kisses her and Hikaru sees and runs off upset. 

Except we, the audience, know Kaoru kisses Haruhi on the cheek. It’s a clear enough stage kiss from the art. Just close enough for us to understand that, from Hikaru’s perspective, Kaoru kissed her on the mouth. We’re bystanders, watching this plot unfold. Hikaru is Kaoru’s intended audience– that’s who he’s performing for. 

So what’s the difference then between this scene.

And this scene?

Well, first: what else can be the one thing Hikaru and Kaoru can’t share? If you go one level further, I think you come to the conclusion that Hikaru is the one thing they can’t share. After all, Hikaru cannot keep giving half of himself, half of his time, energy, love, self etc. to Kaoru all the time, and grow up. They suffer a classic case of enmeshment. Kaoru determines that Hikaru needs to be shoved out of the nest– and that the only way to do that is to stab him in the back. 

I don’t think Kaoru is trying to make Hikaru hate him. I do think what he’s trying to do is make Hikaru realise that he’s a person? Who is capable of betraying him, just like any other person. As long as Hikaru believes that Kaoru is “the only person he can trust,” he’s never going to grow up. By knocking himself off that pedestal in Hikaru’s eyes, Hikaru is forced to see him differently and Kaoru is prepared to accept however Hikaru might feel about him in the aftermath (though assuming he’ll drastically distance himself). 

(Side note. I think Hikaru and Kaoru internalise their maid-related-trauma slightly differently. While Kaoru’s fear is abandonment, Hikaru’s fear is betrayal. They just manifest similarly because there’s a lot of crossover. This is sooo long already, I’m not getting into it unless someone asks lmao.)

Loop back to the image again then. What’s the difference here? Well, it’s still a stage kiss! They both are. But, with one fundamental difference. 

Image one, Hikaru is Kaoru’s audience. He is performing to trick Hikaru (and possibly anyone else, like Hani and Mori, watching). But reality is clear to us, the reader.

Image two, you are Kaoru’s audience. He is performing to trick you. (but reality is clear to Hikaru, the participant)

Like, that’s pretty in your face huh? Faces obscured in a way that you don’t infer it as a cheek kiss as easily as you do with Kaoru and Haruhi. It’s also on the left page of the physical edition, meaning you have to skip to the next page to see the aftermath:

Kaoru’s not just tricking the audience. He’s queerbaiting the audience. Typical.

Firstly, I do think one can be led to the conclusion that if the one thing they can’t share is Hikaru, not Haruhi, that means Kaoru is not in love with Haruhi but is in love with Hikaru. In fact, I think that’s kind of the point with these panels. It’s framed as a bait-switch, which only works if the audience misinterprets the kiss. My ultimate conclusion therefore is that there is no textual romantic incest occuring. It is enmeshment at a bare minimum though. But that's another topic, another day, for somebody else.

Secondly, I think this is because the audience is, regardless, on the wrong track. Or at least not the full track. We have access to the narrative when other characters don’t, but we’re still reading the story Kaoru is telling. We’re still the audience to his performance of the story. It’s easier for Kaoru to tell a story that’s all about his brother– he’s been doing it his whole life. He’s not the main character, after all. So he’s telling us a story where the one thing they cannot share is Hikaru, telling all the other characters a story where the one thing they can’t share is Haruhi. 

So the one thing they can’t share is something more nebulous. It’s the identity. 

Which feels like a contradiction in a way, because the identity is Hikaru, isn't it?

They can’t be one double act, split down the middle. They can’t be one seed sprouting two leaves. They can’t be two halves of one cookie, or two halves of one soul. And the problem is, Kaoru views everything as something Hikaru has split down the middle and shared with him– and now he has to give it all back. 

I don’t really think Hikaru views “their room” as being “his room, that I share with Kaoru.” But I think Kaoru does. I think Kaoru views everything as something Hikaru has shared with him, right down to his own personality, his own face. Hikaru cannot leave, cannot grow up, unless Kaoru stops pretending to be him and gives him the half of his identity back to make one whole, true Hikaru. 

Only problem is, Kaoru has to cut that tricky spare leaf off. After all, when he gives Hikaru back the identity, Kaoru won’t have one. Kaoru is defined as being “the one who is not Hikaru.” My brother is Hikaru. The one who is not my brother is me. And how do you define that? When your brother is no longer there, who are you? 

That’s why it’s important that Hikaru dyes his hair. Because I don’t think him dyeing his hair matters if the issue is Haruhi (Haruhi can tell them apart anyway). I don’t think it matters if the issue is Hikaru (this would not, in isolation, fix Kaoru's thought process). 

It is however enough for Hikaru to be able to illustrate to Kaoru that their identity is inherently interwoven, not necessarily shared. It doesn’t matter if Kaoru is the same as Hikaru or not– because Kaoru is who he is. That may have been affected by the fact that they’re twins, but his identity is not negated by it. Kaoru's identity is not inherently a performance just because it reflects Hikaru, and he doesn't lose it when he ceases to reflect Hikaru.

(breathes)

CAVEAT AS ALWAYS: I am reading the English translation. While it is the official Viz Media translation, something is always changed in translation, localisation, and interpretation. With the assumption that everyone here is reading the manga in English (sweeping assumption, sorry) this is therefore a reading of the text inherently coloured by the site of circulation (English translation, volume compiled) and the site of audiencing: aka the fact that I am an English-speaking, European, media studies/animation academic, speaking on an largely American blogging platform to the like, twelve Kaoru stans that follow me. It also means your interpretation may be very different to mine! Anyway If you read this far, congrats! You deserve a cookie– whatever that might or might not signify.