#this cannot be changed because it's inconvenient for messaging

[experimentalmadness]

Some of y'all are dangerously close to literally saying Jewish food is, somehow a sinister global conspiracy. And you need to take a breath and realize how deranged you sound.

[alexandraisyes]

I really want to thank you.

I've learned a lot about psychology and mental health from your blog. And it's helped me change how I talk about disorders a lot (not calling people and characters sociopaths/psychopaths/narcassists when they're a bad person, not making jokes about schizophrenia, stopping saying "im delusional", etc.) And honestly its not even that hard to do once I understand the why of it. Why should I call villains sociopaths automatically? Because obviously that villainizes Aspd. And then it just- clicks in my brain and yeah, for some things (especially the delusional one because I hear people say it all the time) I have to remind myself and correct myself, but just changing my way of thinking helps what I say

It also isn't even kind of an inconvenience?? Like sure, for soem things I have to figure out what to say instead, but tbh that just makes me think deeper on what actually is going on. Not demonizing disorders actually is helping my own mental health, its nice

Plus, you've actually helped me discover my love for psychology. Learning how the brain works is really interesting! And I want to help people. Plus I'm learning in a way that doesn't cause my anxiety. I have issues with seeing things that I relate to and automatically worrying that I have that disorder or whatever, and it's defiently getting better, but also the way you explain things doesn't trigger that warning alarm in my brain. It's straight forward, and often you're talking about things I don't even kind of relate too, which both helps me learn about how other people's brains work and let's me learn without worrying about myself

anyway- uhh TLDR that was just a lengthy way to say that your explanations and things have educated me and I really enjoy reading them (sometimes I physically can't bring myself to because they're long, but most of the time I can!!!)

Thank youuu. You've helped me learn more about others and myself <3

I have been marinating this in my mind for the past day, trying to figure out how to express how lovely of a feeling this brings me. I'm not exactly the emotional sort, so the immediate shock and then elation has long since passed, but the contentedness remains.

I cannot properly express the gratitude I feel, towards you and the universe, from this message. This is the kind of impact I've wanted to have on the world since I was very young. I would sit in my room as a little girl and daydream that I would write a novel or sing a song that was so expressive about pain and clarity and yes, psychology, although I didn't know the word for it, that it would shift people's mentalities, and make them understand why compassion is important. And reach the people who needed to hear it, and help them deal with their own hurt, and their own trauma, and let my words be a sort of healing factor in people's lives.

Never once did I ever think I'd achieve that through a tumblr blog.

And I have such a small amount of reach, such a small amount of influence in the grand scheme of things, but pebbles can cause landsides.

It's such a profound feeling to know that you have accomplished what you set out to do in even just a handful of people. That you have made a real difference to the net positive, like you've always wanted to. Everyone wants to leave a lasting legacy, an impression on people, that's just human nature, and some people will reach and reach and reach for that legacy and never be satisfied.

And I'm about to start getting really philosophical, so I'll cut it off here with a thank you. Thank you for telling me this. Thank you for letting me know that I have made a difference. I don't exactly have a sense of self for this knowledge to fall back on (a rather unfortunate consequence of my disorder), but I will cherish it regardless. Despite the fact that I have always wanted to make a difference, it never crossed my mind that I may actually reach that goal one day.

I'm glad my writings have helped you.

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Malleus Draconia Dorm Uniform Personal Story: Part 2

"Briar Valley's own."

(Part 1) Part 2 (Part 3)

[Diasomnia Dorm – Lounge]

Lilia: …Which is why it is an issue that you weren't at the Dorm Leader meeting.

Malleus: I hadn't realized such a thing was happening while I was absent. I've caused you such an inconvenience, Lilia.

Lilia: I'm not really inconvenienced. However, the others were saying things that could affect your reputation.

Lilia: So I promised you'd come "next time," without thinking.

Malleus: I see… I myself have been wanting to attend these meetings.

Malleus: For this meeting in particular, the notice was sent out quite a while ago, so it was not as if I had forgotten it.

Malleus: However, that notification came as a mechanical message. That strange board would not allow me to view it.

Lilia: Mechanical message… Strange board… Ah, you mean your email and smartphone?

Malleus: That's right. I could not read it, so I did not know the time and place of the meeting.

Malleus: I attempted to estimate the time and place, and so I ended up waiting in the Lecture Hall…

Malleus: No one came after two hours of sitting alone, so I headed towards the library and waited for an hour, before finally making my way to the Headmaster's Office.

Lilia: Malleus… Most humans won't just sit and wait in one place for one or two hours like that.

Malleus: Is that so? Humans sure are restless…

Malleus: It also isn't ideal that they move the location of the meeting as often as they do. It would be best if it were always in the Mirror Chamber.

Lilia: The Mirror Chamber is often used by those visiting the school. It would not be unusual for the meeting location to be changed on short notice.

Lilia: However, if you did not know the location, you ought to have asked. There must have been someone who would have known.

Malleus: Well, of course I attempted to ask.

Malleus: However, they would immediately scream and scamper off. I had even tried smiling as I called out to them, as you taught me…

Lilia: I wonder what could have possibly gone wrong there? I feel you have a very cute smile, especially when you can catch a glimpse of your pointed fangs… Hm.

Lilia: Then, I suppose we should make sure that you carry your smartphone with you as a means of communication.

Malleus: The smartphone, hm. If we're talking of that thig, it has not made a peep since this morning.

Lilia: I thought so. But we had it repaired just the other day! What could have caused it to stop working?

Malleus: I do not know. I did not do anything, and yet it broke.

Lilia: Malleus… When someone says, "I didn't do anything, but the device broke," that usually means they did something.

Malleus: You say that, but I cannot fathom what may have happened. I believe the last thing I did was…

Malleus: I cast a cleaning spell on it because it had become rather dirty.

Lilia: WELL, THAT'S WHY!!

Lilia: Most devices are weak to water. Hypothetically, even if it were waterproof, it would definitely not be able to withstand the might of your magic.

Malleus: That may be so. There was indeed a crack in the screen.

Lilia: So something had happened to it! And you thought to say you didn't know anything about it being broken.

Malleus: Your phone also has a cracked screen. I thought it a normal occurrence.

Lilia: That's just because I'm a bit rough with it!

Malleus: I cannot imagine that is anything to be boastful about… But alright, I understand. I will refrain from cleaning it from now on.

Malleus: Nevertheless, these devices certainly are inconvenient.

Malleus: It recently returned from servicing, and yet it seems I shall have to completely replace it now.

Lilia: Come to think of it, how did it break last time?

Malleus: I went flying through the sky with the smartphone in my pocket.

Malleus: In the process of moving back and forth from a high altitude to the ground several times, I eventually found the inside of my screen had become wet.

Malleus: According to the repair shop's findings, the rapid temperature change caused condensation, which in turn caused it to break.

Lilia: How high were you flying for the temperature to drop so low as to cause condensation?

Malleus: Prior to that, I was told it short-circuited when I touched it while I was still imbued with lightning...

Malleus: And even before that, it melted when it was exposed to the high temperatures of my fire breath.

Lilia: Hmm. Then, why not leave your phone behind when doing those things?

Lilia: You do that with the little drago-kun I gave you a while back.

Malleus: What do you mean? There is no purpose to a smartphone if it is not carried with you at all times.

Lilia: I know that, but…

Malleus: It's susceptible to water, low temperature, lightning, and fire. These phones are quite frail.

Malleus: Do humans truly value such a useless object? It is past simply being intolerable… I am starting to find it a nuisance.

Lilia: Wait, wait, it's still too early for you to give up. You've come all this way upon leaving Briar Valley, so you must familiarize yourself to human customs.

Lilia: I'll teach you how to use the device again once more from the beginning to make it easier from now on.

Lilia: Here, you can borrow my phone, try to hold it properly. Don't summon any lighting, now.

Malleus: I understand… Hm?

Malleus: Some text has appeared on your screen. It says, "New Message."

Lilia: Ah, a notif. Someone must've uploaded a new post onto Magicam.

Lilia: Looks like it's from Kalim. Let me see…

Lilia: "PARTY TIME WITH ALL THE DORM LEADERS!"

Malleus: …Is this a photo from the meeting earlier? Everyone looks terribly happy in this picture.

Lilia: Kalim must've taken it after the meeting. There's a few frowns, but it's quite a wonderful picture of all the Dorm Leaders together!

Malleus: …

Lilia: Well… I mean…

Lilia: All the Dorm Leaders except for you, who didn't attend…

Malleus: …

[CRACKLE, CRACKLE, CRUSH!]

Malleus: Oh. I accidentally destroyed it.

Lilia: MY PHONEEEEE!

Lilia: How could you, my screen is shattered… Oh, no, it was always like that.

Lilia: What do you think you're doing, Malleus!?

Malleus: Apologies. Seeing those people enjoy themselves while excluding me…

Malleus: I just couldn't control my ire in that moment.

Lilia: If you just destroy the phone whenever you get mad, there's no meaning in me trying to teach you how to use it!

Malleus: Calm down, Lilia. Don't get angry.

Lilia: You don't get to say that, as the person who broke my phone in anger!

Lilia: Sigh… Malleus. Are you truly wanting to participate in the Dorm Leader meetings, or their little get-togethers?

Malleus: …Are you now doubting my true feelings about this? You, of all people?

Malleus: Humans are quick to fear creatures of the night. They are often unable to talk to us out of fright.

Malleus: The ones who taught me that was you, Lilia, and Grandmother. And it is the truth.

Malleus: It is not my fault that I am unable to show my face at those gatherings. It is because those humans have decided to fear me.

Lilia: No, in your case, that is not the only issue at hand. You fail to understand what is going on around you!

Lilia: Faes and humans are different both in their sense of time, and in the tools they utilize. I fully understand how you may have troubles when you first come in contact with them. However…

Lilia: it has been 3 years since you left Briar Valley, you know? And you haven't changed at all in that time!

Lilia: It isn't anyone else's fault. You have to first look inwards. Have you actually put forth the effort to attend these meetings?

Malleus: Put forth the effort…?

Lilia: We've said that, because of your position, it is an unavoidable fact that you cannot join gatherings of people. However, there is still a limit to how shielded you can be.

Lilia: As the heir to Briar Valley, and as the leader of Diasomnia,

Lilia: You need to carefully reflect on how you should conduct yourself.

Malleus: …He got angry and left.

Malleus: It has been quite a long time since Lilia has scolded me like this. It seems it was not smart to crush his phone.

Malleus: …

Malleus: Indeed… It is possible that somewhere in the back of my mind, I may have thought that faes and humans are incapable of comprehending each other.

Malleus: Perhaps that may be the reason why I refrained from making an effort to meet them halfway. But if a change in my conduct can change this atmosphere…

Malleus: What can I possibly do in order to become closer with the other Dorm Leaders…?

Malleus: I shall have to think on it.

(Part 1) Part 2 (Part 3)

[whumpinggrounds]

Writing Disability and the Idea of Cure

Heyyyy it’s me. Wanted to write about this following my post about Writing Deaf Characters.

Please note - this post is intended for people writing about disabled characters, not a nuanced, in-depth discussion of disability and the idea of cures. I’m happy to discuss that too, if anyone wants, but I’m not going to make a big long post about it because my thoughts and feelings are too complex to be summarized in that way. Anyway -

Conceptions of Disability

There are many, many ways of looking at disability. I’m going to highlight two here that are extremely common today in America. They each have upsides, and they each have downsides.

The medical model of disability treats disability as an individual medical problem to be solved. In this framework, disability is a bodily impairment that should be solved through medical means and medical interventions.

The upsides of the medical model include the fact that it acknowledges that disability or its consequences can be uncomfortable, inconvenient, and undesirable in themselves. Someone who experiences chronic pain saying they wish that they weren’t in pain is not ableist, nor is it self-hating, in the view of the medical model. This mode also prompts progress in seeking ways to medically alleviate symptoms.

The downsides of the medical model are that it does not acknowledge inaccessibility or ableism, nor does it allow for joy and identification with disability. The problems associated with disability are located firmly within the disabled individual - the problem is not with the world, but with the disabled person themselves. Disability is always something to be fixed or cured, and choosing to identify with one’s disability or feel proud of it is bizarre at best.

The social model of disability views disability as a social condition, wherein disabled people are impaired by ableism and an inaccessible world. In this framework, disabled bodyminds do not need to change, rather, it is the world and neurotypical, able-bodied people who must adjust.

The upsides of the social model of disability range from encouraging disabled pride to centering the massive harm that ableism and inaccessibility do to disabled people. It recognizes and promotes human diversity, and asks that the world adapt to the people in it, rather than adapting people to the world.

The major downside of the social model of disability is that in many cases, it ignores very real impairments that do affect people’s lives and treats bodily difference as irrelevant. Even if every set of stairs had a ramp beside it, a person in a wheelchair still cannot walk, though they will have the same access to places that people who are able to walk do. This difference matters to many disabled people, and acknowledgement or mourning of that does not mean that the disabled people in question are not liberated, or are experiencing self-directed ableism.

There are many other models of looking at disability! I may do a write up about that later if people are interested. If you want to do your own research, I would advise understanding the charity model, as it can be easy to slip into and is not a good thing. More positive models to explore are Discrit. Alison Kafer’s political relational model, and the general concepts guiding disability justice.

In Whump

Adding this because I’m in the whump community, and it feels very relevant, so -

It is super tempting to inflict serious injuries on an OC for pain and suffering, and then have them recover very quickly with little to no lasting repercussions. Whump is imaginary, and people should do what they want in their writing, however, I would urge people to think about what messages they’re sending with these fast, flawless recoveries.

For instance: What fears do your whumpees have around acquiring disabilities? How does your whumper feel about their target acquiring disabilities? What are your caregiver’s goal’s in helping your whumpee, and what do they believe that “recovery” means?

What About the Idea of Cure?

The idea of cure is deeply complicated, deeply political, and ultimately, deeply personal. Everyone’s perspective on cure is different. For some people, being cured of their disability is a positive thing. For others, it constitutes an erasure of their identity and community.

For some, cures are not possible in their lifetime, or maybe ever. This can be a painful idea or a reassuring one.

Some communities more than others have a majority opinion about the idea of being cured. Most people know that Autistic people reject the idea of being cured, or even the idea that there is something to “cure.” Deaf communities tend to feel similarly. On the other hand, people with cancer, Alzheimer’s, cystic fibrosis, or degenerative muscular diseases may welcome the idea of being cured and the progress being made to cure them.

Some ideas of “cure” center on aborting fetuses that present with the disability in question. This is massively controversial, deeply painful for some, and personal to all. Some communities have public stances condemning the practice of aborting affected fetuses. Notably, this includes the Down Syndrome community and Dwarf community.

What Does This Mean For You And Your Writing?

As I have hopefully made clear, I am not in the business of telling people what to write. Many disabled people feel that it is not appropriate to ever write stories in which disabled characters are cured. My feelings are more complicated than that, but I won’t say that those people are wrong. I also won’t say that they’re right.

The following are some ways to think about disability and cure that might help deepen your characters. I am not commanding anyone to do anything; you can write whatever you want. Hopefully you find this interesting and very hopefully you find it helpful.

If you are writing a story in which a disabled person is not cured: Think about what that really means for them in terms of impact on identity, ability, and their life more broadly. How does their community react to the decision to avoid, or the lack of, medical solutions?

If you are writing a story in which a disabled person is cured: Think about your motivations for writing this particular story. How does this cure take place, and how does the character feel about it? What impact does the loss of their disability have on their life? How would a real-life person with that disability feel, reading your story?

Lastly, if you are writing about a diagnosis and the idea of cure comes up, please do some research into how that community feels about cures/medical intervention. Individuals in your writing may have different feelings about cure than their real life community, but it is worth thinking about why that would be.

If you are writing about a diagnosis and the idea of aborting affected fetuses comes up, please do some research into how that community feels about it. Please also understand that whatever your intentions, what you are writing about is a form of eugenics. 

I promise you that real life opinions exist about all of these things and all of these diagnoses, and I promise you that these opinions are valuable and worth reading. Please think about what you are saying about those communities when you write.

Thank you so much for reading! If there’s something else you’re wondering about, or would like to see, please hit me up! If you want to talk about something in this post, please also hit me up! I am not infallible, nor is everything I’ve written an objective fact. I’m doing my best, and always happy to get feedback. Happy writing!

[askaceattorney]

I'M DONE!!

I was originally going to wait for the latest mod letter, but I've placed enough tags on the Hotti letters this guy has sent for him to get the message. It used to be at least three or four people sending Hotti letters, but now it's only one and they keep breaking the "Keep it Clean" rule by involving CHARACTERS THAT ARE MINORS. What part of children are to be left alone do you not understand? That includes minors under the age of 18. If you are under the age of 18, that doesn't surprise me, but no still means NO.

This is not funny. You send way too many Hotti letters that are not funny and keep including minors on top of that. In fact, I'll just answer this one instead of waiting:

None of them at all! They're creepy and if the comments on each of your posts didn't give you the hint, maybe not having any of your letters answered will. Don’t try to change your name because I will know it’s you. The humor you're trying to do is difficult to pull off and doesn't even work. The sexist jokes don't work because you don't know shit about women. More importantly, you're involving CHILDREN. You're making jokes like this

What are you trying to imply? What joke are you trying to make that you think is funny? You think it's funny to make a joke about Hotti adopting children so he can have lots of pretty girls to care for him when he gets old? It's not! It's creepy and disgusting. It goes against the guidelines.

Yes, anything involving romancing minors counts as NOT keeping it clean. If you are a minor and cannot understand this, how about this? ANYONE UNDER 18 IS OFF LIMITS! And yes, I consider your letters much worse than Dawsongfg. Even THEY find Hotti disturbing and that is saying something. Until you cool it with the perverted, sexist, pedo Hotti letters, your letters are BANNED.

From the time this letter is sent, all of this guy's creepy Hotti letters will no longer be answered. I apologize for the inconvenience.

- Chief Mod Edgeworth

[nicromancytarot]

Hey! How are you? Thank you for answering my ask if you’re reading this 🫶🏽

I am ZD and I wish for my fs to have my same values. Being open minded and accepting to LGBTQ, religions, cultures, etc.

I wanted to ask for any messages from my fs and I’m comfortable with any 18+ messages that may come through. Thank you ahead of time! 🩵

Unfortunately since your age was not specified, I cannot fulfil the 18+ side of things (sorry for the inconvenience), but here’s everything else!

THEIR OPINIONS AND BELIEFS:

Firstly, I felt the need to read a little deeper into their understanding and beliefs for LGBTQ+ and I honestly just got that they don’t care for it, not in a close-minded way, but more of the fact that they just see people as people, disregarding the labels one decides to identify by. I also got that this could be a gay marriage or they may just be very supportive of gay marriages.

Their personality is very open-minded when it comes to these things, I see that they like to talk about their opinions on a lot of things, and they enjoy even debating about it with you sometimes, like if you guys happen to have head-butting opinions, they will enjoy having a debate with you about it, not an argument, just debate.

They can come off a little pretentious at times, but they don’t mean to, it’s just that they are very stubborn in life and they always believe they are in the right, this isn’t something to be worried about though because I notice that you can teach them another perspective and they will be interested in it and it may even change their opinion on a topic.

A weird thing I got was that they are fine with having contradicting opinions with themself, it’s like they enjoy playing devils advocate in their own mind and it’s somewhat entertaining to them.

CHANNELLED MESSAGE:

They see that you may currently be going through a difficult time in your life, you are holding onto someone or something that is not good for you and they wish for you to let go, they also mention the need for you to branch out and meet new people outside of your own community, making more friends could be very good for you, it could also be from friends, that you two meet.

They mention that you need to use your intuition and gut feelings when it comes to what’s right for you, you seem to be blinded by this picture perfect idea in your head about something, and you need to start looking around to see how your environment or the people in it are affecting you.

They focus highly on a need for you to learn to balance your feminine and masculine qualities, I honestly see you’re already quite feminine (maybe even just mentally) and they are saying you need to start balancing your masculine qualities and mentally with it too.

They can’t wait to be with you, they say the quicker you work on these things, the quicker they can come to you.

[erikahammerschmidt]

So here's a my hot take about "social anxiety," and "being afraid to ask others for help."

After years and years of personal growth, I still get people treating my "aversion to asking for things" as some internal problem with my brain.

But let me tell you one thing.

You might be able to conquer any nagging sense that you "don't deserve" help from others. Then you might go on to vanquish any exaggerated idea of how much harm or trouble or inconvenience your request would cause someone else. And after that, you could totally wipe out any excess of anxiety about how angry someone else might be at you for asking.

But all this WILL NOT CHANGE the fact that:

Other people have lives of their own

Your requests usually are not (and should not be!) another person's first priority

People cannot be expected to have perfect memories and keep your request in their minds all the time

And therefore, if you have any ability to do a thing for yourself-- even something far outside both your skillset and your responsibilities-- even if it's very difficult to do on your own-- it's still very often MUCH EASIER than trying to get another person to do it for you.

Example:

I mention a project I want to do. I think I can do it with just a saw and hammer and nails that I already have. But my roommate, who has more woodworking equipment and more experience than me, says he'll help.

I say thanks, and ask him when. He says "well, I can't today, maybe Saturday?" So I wait til Saturday. At which point he's forgotten and planned something else, so he can't that day. Is Wednesday afternoon okay?

Sure (I put notes all over the apartment to make sure he doesn't forget this time). And he doesn't forget-- but he has to cancel anyway because the dog unexpectedly has to go to the vet that day. We reschedule for Friday. We get started on the project… at which point he suddenly concludes that we actually need a part that we don't have right now, and he'll have to buy it. That'll take a few days at least, so we have to reschedule again.

And now his schedule's busier than he thought, and he doesn't know when's the next time he'll be available. He says he'll let me know when. But weeks and weeks go by, and he doesn't. If I remind him, either he'll reassure me that he promised to tell me if he has any free time, and he's still gonna let me know when, I just have to be patient… OR he'll apologize for forgetting, and reassure me that he'll remember to tell me NEXT time he has a free afternoon.

Maybe a couple times he does message me, with less than an hour to spare, to give me a heads up that he's free now. But of course, on such short notice, I myself can't always arrange to be free-- and if he does this enough times and gets a "no" from me each time, he'll start feeling it's no longer worth trying and he'll stop.

At this point, my entire self wishes that I'd just done the project on my own, with my own inferior skills and whatever equipment I could scrounge up myself. It wouldn't be as good, maybe. But even if I had to try a few times to make it passably okay, then at least I would have learned something-- and in any case, it would be DONE now. I wouldn't be sitting here waiting, dependent on someone who does not have my project anywhere NEAR the top of his priorities.

Same goes for asking for something back that someone's borrowed from me. (Assuming my time is worth minimum wage, it's usually cheaper just to buy a new one.)

Same goes for asking my boss for an accommodation that would really help but I can sorta get by without. (I've seen coworkers having to remind management repeatedly about accommodations they get. It's almost a whole second job.)

Same goes for the colored pencils I just ordered while staying at my mom's house, upon which she reminded me that I really should have asked her first, because there are "tons" of art supplies in the house already. (Sure-- but how soon can you be available to look for them? And once looking, how quickly could you find them? And if they aren't quite what I was looking for, but you "feel certain" that the thing I was looking for "is also around here somewhere," then how many days should I give you to remember where it is? And how many times during those days should I check in with you, just to see if you actually still remember my request and are actually still trying to find it?)

In my experience, more often than not, asking another person for something (no matter how well-meaning they are) will put them in a position of oblivious, incompetently wielded power over me, long before they even begin to grant my request.

And in my experience, more often than not, that is a fate to be avoided if at all possible-- by any means-- up to and including doing things for myself that I "shouldn't have to do."

And no amount of therapy and self-help on my own brain is gonna change that.

[smokeys-house]

Here’s a revised version of your message with some additional touches:

---

Hello 🌹❤️,

I hope this message doesn’t come as too much of a surprise. I’m reaching out to you in a moment of urgent need, and I deeply apologize if this feels sudden. 🌸

My name is Islam, and I’m an engineer. Normally, I would never want to impose, but the situation my family and I are facing is truly desperate. I have a beautiful family, and I am doing everything in my power to protect them from the devastating horrors of the war in Gaza. I’m reaching out to you because I believe in the kindness and compassion that you, and people like you, carry in your hearts. I truly hope that if you find it in your heart to share our story, you won’t hesitate to help. 🌟

I’m not very familiar with Tumblr, but I came here with the hope of connecting with good-hearted people like you who might help us be heard. If you could reblog the pinned post on my account, I would be eternally grateful. Your voice could help amplify ours, and we might find the help we so desperately need to save our family.

Additionally, if you’re able to share our story on any other platforms or with your friends who might have larger blogs on Tumblr, it would mean the world to us. Every bit of support helps and brings us one step closer to safety. ✨

I’m deeply sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, but I am truly hopeful that reaching out to you might make a real difference in saving my children from the horrors of this war. 💖

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Your kindness could change everything. ❤️

---

Let me know if you’d like any further revisions!

I've shared your pinned post but unfortunately cannot donate right now. Wishing you and yours peace and prosperity

[queerofthedagger]

Spitfire Heart

[Dreamling, T, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Child Death + Drowning, AO3]

At first glance, it may appear odd that Hob Gadling possesses an aching fondness for graveyards.

On second thought, the simple fact of the matter is that he has never been particularly good at letting go—things; people; life.

He is not allowed to keep everything as easily as the latter. The people around him die, strangers as well as those he loved so much that their absence nestles between his bones for centuries.

Death used to be an inconvenience where peasants were concerned; it was something to do quietly, quickly, and unobtrusively. Something to be forgotten as soon as the prayers tinkered out.

During the worst times, there were no marked graves. There were no places to return to, to kneel on wet soil, press your hands to wood or stone, and hope that God or the church or whoever, whatever, would relay your last message—apology, confession, simple words of longing.

There was only hunger and illness and more bodies than the earth seemed able to contain.

Hob had lived, though, and he had remembered. He cannot recall the faces of his parents or his siblings, would not be able to place the cadence of their voices if his life depended on it. But he knows, instinctive and aching, the place in Sevenoaks where the mass grave had been dug and filled and, eventually, grown over.

He knows where most of his friends and lovers are buried, and he visits, still, whenever he is around.

Hob Gadling has never learnt how to look Death in the eye and not feel the urge to snarl, to run, bare his teeth and challenge her for the bare bones of life itself.

He has learnt how to pick up the pieces whenever she visits, though, no matter how often he is the only one left behind. He has learnt how to pick himself back up, and yet, there remains a time in his life that he prefers to keep locked away.

He knows what lies beyond that door. He knows it like he knows the thunder of his heart, like water in his lungs, like the nails buried into his skin and how there is nothing he can do about it.

Eleanor’s and Robyn’s graves have always been the ones he could barely bear, guilt like a noose around his neck. After all, what right did he possess to keep on living? What point in heaping guilt upon his shoulders for staying, when they were the ones to leave him behind?

Hob has always had an aching fondness for graveyards, for the places that allowed him to visit his loved ones even after they were long gone. He remembers the sites that no longer exist, the rough estimation of where gravestones or wooden crosses once proclaimed names and dates.

He has visited all of them countless times; pompous graves made of marble and intricate engravings, bedecked with flower arrangements more expensive than a maid’s salary. Humble ones, dug by siblings or children or parents, with unsteady, listing wooden crosses, carefully carved names and lacking birthdates because back then, no one recorded these kinds of things if you were not nobility. Public memorials bearing witness to humanity’s feats and horrors, and mass graves without name or reason.

Hob has borne witness to them all; he knows how the grief never changes as long as it has a place to weep at, something to press its fingertips to and utter apologies and longing and a fond, aching inside joke.

The graves of Eleanor and Robyn and their unborn child, though—those, Hob only ever kneels in front of every other decade; whenever guilt visits him, hand in hand with grief.

He still knows exactly where they are, of course; the house is long since gone, but he could find his way blind if he had to. The stretch of land has been reclaimed by the forest, and generally, beneath the stinging loss, Hob is thankful for it; it is far more bearable than those places taken over by nondescript office buildings or car parks.

Today, though, the trees are looming around him and the air is damp, smelling of loss and decay. His hands are buried in the soil, guilt like an anchor pulling him down.

There has never been a time in Hob’s life when he wanted to die, but the years after Robyn’s death had been the closest that he ever got. He didn’t think it was possible to survive; that the festering hole in his heart would not devour him, no matter what Death had to say about it.

Eventually, he had learnt how to keep living beyond surviving, had taken to avoid the small graveyard beyond the church, and to treat these specific memories as carefully as something cataclysmic.

He cannot remember why he decided to come today—usually, there tends to be an occasion when he does this to himself.

The sky above him is dark, clouds rolling as if the biting wind alone is trying to promise retribution. For what, Hob doesn’t know either—what he does know is that he never visits when the days are ashen like this.

Both Eleanor and Robyn had loved the sun-soaked days, summer’s warmth lingering well into the night. It is easier to pay tribute when clinging to the happy moments, Hob has learnt this long ago.

He doesn’t know why he is here. That in itself is a cruel thought, is tearing open old scars that always, always stay tender. Once it manifests, though, he becomes aware of the weight bearing down on his shoulders, tangible. He becomes aware of the fact that he cannot move, even as his legs ache from kneeling for this long. And how long has it been? Hob cannot remember, his mind fracturing and getting torn to shreds by the grief that twists through his chest and snakes around his lungs, breathing becoming laboured until he feels like drowning, and—

And he has done this before, the grief and the drowning and the endless, never-ending misery. He does not want to do it again, but he cannot move, his fingers numb and freezing where they are still buried in the ground as if he will be able to drag his family back with stubbornness alone.

The panic snatches the last remains of air out of his lungs and he can feel his body locking down, mind beginning to drift. He has lived for centuries, has died in so many different manners that he would struggle to count them all; the desperate instinct to fight for survival is still the same as the very first time.

“That is quite enough.”

The voice is familiar, tugging at something inside of Hob that calms against all reason.

Firm hands settle on his shoulders, their warmth seeping through his clothes, and finally, finally, his mind goes blissfully quiet.

The last thing Hob thinks is that he wants Dream to stay, God please stay.

---

He gasps awake to the sight of his own goddamn ceiling.

The room is dim, only London’s refusal to turn properly dark anymore seeping through the gap in his curtains.

Hob presses his knuckles against his eyes and tries to remember how to breathe.

It isn’t as if he is a stranger to nightmares—they have been his occasional but faithful companions for all his life. Unfortunately, they do never become any easier to bear.

“Hob.”

He startles so badly that it almost throws him out of bed, his heart kicking right back into fight or flight mode before the specific tenor of voice registers.

In the murky light of the room, Dream’s form seems less solid. His eyes shine with dying stars, and Hob would be embarrassed about how a part of his sore heart is instantly soothed by the realisation that Dream is, in fact, still here, if he hadn’t accepted long ago how utterly, horribly gone he is on his oldest friend.

His oldest friend who has cool fingers curled loosely around Hob’s ankle and is watching him with concern pressed into the delicate lines around his night sky eyes.

“You—”

“I am sorry,” Dream interrupts, and it is rare that he does, even more so than his apologies. “I am not usually in the habit of intruding on your dreams, much less your nightmares—”

“Well, I could do without them, not going to lie,” Hob mutters; he doesn’t mean it, not really. He knows that they serve their purpose, and he trusts that if they did not, Dream would not subject him to them in the first place.

For all his haughty demeanour, Dream has never been purposefully cruel, after all.

None of those things change how his heart still hammers against the cage of his ribs as if trying to escape, and it has not, in fact, anything to do with Dream of the Endless sitting on the edge of his bed.

At least, Dream seems to understand, instead of taking offence. He says, “You and I both know that you could not.”

“No, I suppose not,” Hob agrees. He leans back against the headboard and desperately tries to scrub the guilt and the shame off his soul.

Dream’s fingers squeeze briefly around his ankle; under different circumstances, Hob would probably shiver. Right now, he mostly feels numb.

“I am going to make tea,” Dream says, and he doesn’t give Hob time to answer before he disappears from the room.

It should be an absurd notion, but Hob merely rubs a hand across his face and sinks deeper into his covers.

It has been so many centuries, so many people he has loved and lost since then; and perhaps Eleanor would have simmered down to the ache of lovers and friends lost if not for their child. Their children.

Hob has learnt to outlive just about everything and everyone, but there is a reason why he has never married or fathered children again.

He has learnt to love life regardless, but on this slow, sluggish December morning, Dream comes back into Hob’s bedroom as if he belongs here, two steaming mugs of tea in his hands, and Hob almost asks him to leave.

He doesn’t; he has not worked on curbing his self-destructive tendencies for decades to fuck it all up in a matter of minutes, but it does take considerable effort to push himself up. To accept the warm cup Dream offers him, and to find comfort in it, too, instead of yet another reminder of things that had and had not been.

Dream hovers at the foot of the bed, and if Hob were in a better mood, he would call the expression concerned.

Finally, Dream asks, “Do you have plans for your day?”

“Probably waste a day or two in bed before dragging myself back up, if I were to be honest,” Hob says; he tries to be, these days. “After that, I should probably visit them. If that nightmare was any indication, I have been putting it off for too long again.”

“I can leave if you would rather—”

“No, please. I would… I would rather have your company than not.”

If Dream is surprised, he hides it well and, after a beat of hesitation, settles down beside Hob. He has lost his cloak and his shoes, and at literally any other time, Hob would have a quiet little freakout over the fact that he has Dream in his bed.

Their meetings might have become more weekly than centennial, and Dream might have slowly but surely opened up to him, but this is so far beyond huddling up on Hob’s sofa to catch up on a century’s worth of movies and music, he expected it to take a few more decades.

At any other time, he might have been giddy like a teenager; right now, his insides feel scrubbed too raw to do anything but lean his head against Dream’s shoulder, too bold, and soak up the comfort.

If Dream is to run out on him again, well—today cannot get any worse, anyway.

Dream doesn’t; he stiffens ever so slightly, but then he shifts until he can slowly, carefully, put his arm around Hob’s shoulder. Cool fingers come to press featherlight against Hob’s temple, slipping into his hair from there, and then repeat their path.

He closes his eyes and breathes and breathes and breathes.

It is impossible to say how much time has passed when Dream shifts, his fingers pressing a little more firmly against Hob’s temple. When he speaks, he sounds almost hesitant. “You said that you were planning to visit the place where they are buried.”

“The graves are long since gone, but I remember,” Hob says, and it still stings. After all these years, the day he returned to find the entire graveyard gone is still sharp and festering like a thorn beneath his skin. “That’s what matters, isn’t it?”

He hopes that it is; there is little else he can do about it, after all.

“In the Dreaming, their graves still exist. It would not have to be a nightmare.”

Theoretically, Dream has explained how it made no sense to consider the waking as the real world. Practically, Hob isn’t sure whether he can revisit his late wife’s and son’s graves in a dream, and not feel even worse about it once he wakes up.

He does not have the energy needed to explain this. Instead, he says, “You are surprisingly… understanding about this. It has been centuries.”

He doesn’t truly expect Dream to be a bastard about it; he rarely is, at least not on purpose. What he does not expect is the answer, spoken quietly and full of familiar, well-worn grief.

“I have once lost my wife and my son; I know of the pain that never lessens, no matter how many years pass. No matter how existence seems to move on.”

Once the words properly process, the thicket of sorrow in Hob’s throat catches fire anew. This is the kind of grief you do not wish on anyone, and he finds Dream’s hand and links their fingers together. If it is for the sake of his own heart as much as it is to offer comfort, he is quite sure that Dream knows.

Indeed, Dream only offers a quiet sigh, squeezing Hob’s hand in return.

It gives Hob the last speck of needed courage to speak the following words, out of place as they may seem. They burn against his tongue, push against his teeth until he utters them, even as they do not, in fact, logically follow. Or perhaps, they do; it is currently hard to tell. “I do not want to lose you, too.”

There is a pause, and then Dream makes a sound in the back of his throat that sounds entirely unlike him, sounds raw and bitten-off and primal. His fingers slip further into Hob’s hair, and he turns his head until he speaks against Hob’s forehead.

“You will not, Hob Gadling; I swear it, upon my title and my function.”

“Dream, you—”

“You should sleep,” Dream interrupts; it is more a command than an observation, but it isn’t entirely unwelcome.

Exhaustion has been dragging at Hob’s limbs since he woke up, and something within Dream’s promise soothes his old, stubborn, spitfire heart.

As if reading his mind, Dream murmurs, “I will be here when you wake up.”

The last thing Hob feels before he drifts off are Dream’s lips pressed to his forehead, warmth like peace spreading through him. When he sleeps, he does not dream.

[tbhimnoteasyonmyself]

In Defence of 4/4 EP.12

(from someone who didn't like it very much)

I've made an entirely different post about people's reactions to the ending so I won't address any of that here, if you want that post. Bang! Here. But this is not what this post is about. This post is about recognizing the good in something I personally would've preferred had gone a different route. So let's get into it.

(long post, guys, Imma spare you, people who wanna scroll past 😉)

1st things 1st: yes. I know. The narrative about growth and adapting and change would've been so great had Day not gotten the transplant. It would've paid off so well for the main couple and all the other characters too. And it would send out such a nice message about how disabled people are whole, despite their disabilities. How happiness is possible for everyone, without restraints, no matter their body or mind. BUT that's not what we got. And that can be upsetting, I know I'm a little upset myself, but, and considering the ongoing fandom discussion, is it all that bad that we got something different? For once, I do not think so.

I think the very first thing that needs to be addressed is what is said by @daymork in this post:

"the hardships, the journey, even all the good that happened during allllll that still matters after recovery"

Or: just because Day gets his sight back, that doesn't mean the story being told is suddenly useless. Because a story about how people are flawed and scarred and they need to grow past certain issues to enjoy life again or they need to gain new perspectives is never useless. Society keeps showing us that assholes who cannot see past their own belly button or that people who are restrained by their traumas are still out there, so how could a narrative about growth ever be pointless?

Futhermore, it is a crucial part of the characters' arcs, even past Day's blindless being involved. Day ties his self-worth to being capable and always doing what he is supposed to. Night is careless and doesn't like abiding by the rules, even when it inconveniences others. Their mom has a bad case of "mama knows best", she's inflexible, what she wants, she gets. Mhok is traumatized by his sister's death and he can't move on, can't let go. (and so on, but I think you get the point) Regardless of the challenges that come with adjusting to Day's disability, all of them were already facing challenges that made their lives harder. Because, sure, we don't see it, but everyone always has a struggle. They sure had too.

And now you say, well, Dante, doesn't that make Day's blindness a plot device used just to make these characters better and then discarded when no longer needed? And sure, yeah, I think that argument can definitely be made and it is solid, I won't deny that. But I also think that the way you read it depends on what you believe this story is about. Because, if you think this story is about Day's struggle with blindness, then sure, yeah. But you can also see it as a story about maturing and overcoming hardships or a love story about two people who, like everyone else, have to adjust to learn how to adjust with each other. Or a story about different types of love and how they connect and overlap or change. Or a story about perspectives and points of view and how every single person is gonna look at the same things with different eyes and what that means for the way people live and how they relate to one another. Or a story about what makes a person and about how, no matter the way people see you, you are still a person and you can make your own choices, despite everything. Or something else, even, Idk. I'm not the owner of opinions and I'm not trying to be. My point is: it's all about individual perception and understanding.

Regardless, even if you do see that particular part as ableist, does it erase all the other stuff the series does? Does it erase the point is makes about not babyfying disabled people? Does it erase the point it makes about seeing disabled people as people who deserve no other feeling but pity? Does it erase the point it makes that Day was living well, even without Mhok or his sight? I don't think so. It might undermine it but it does not erase it.

And I think that leads us to the most important part of this discussion, actually: maybe the point was, all along that, in order for Day to be able to be able to get his transplant (narratively, of course) he needed not to need it. He needed to be able to be okay with not having it. He needed to learn to live without it and be happy. Because, in the end, what problems were actually solved by the transplant, really? None, I would argue.

Day and his mom, Day and Night, Night and their mom, Night and Porjai, Mhok and Rhamon, Mhok and Rung, Mhok and Day... As well as their internal conflicts (Mhok was a successful chef, Rhamon a good mother, Night a good husband, Day a librarian, etc...), all that was solved before that. The transplant truly didn't change anything besides what it changed: that Day now has the physical ability to see again. "No, Dante, it allowed him to go to the mountain again!", I hear you say. And sure, it did, but that wasn't new: he'd been there before when he was 100% blind. And it's not more magical when he can see than when he cannot. In fact, I would argue it is the other way around.

The 2nd time they're there they don't even care that much about the mountain or the sunset. They care about their relationship and what it means to be together again and they care about the journey. That's what they talk about. "Oh, but Mhok talks about how him there at the mountain is no longer the last image Day is gonna see". Yeah. But that, I would say, is more about how that is the case because Mhok is now there to stay (he even says so himself) rather than the fact Day can physically see him.

So, what purpose does it serve in the narrative? Is it just a "and now he can see because, sure, let him have it, it's the end, idc"? Could be, I mean, yeah, I think you can make a strong argument that this is just an ableist way of a "happy ending" but I also want to point out that that might not necessarily be the case (other than what I'm gonna explain next, even so, because, as @e-lisard pointed in this post - among others that I've seen do so but I only remember faer, some disabled people prefer stories where there is a cure for all or some of their disabilities). But also because, if nothing changes for Day (except he can play Badminton again, which, as someone who loves Badminton myself, like yeah, pretty big thing) then maybe that's the point being made: that, in the end, the thing that Day so desperately wanted in the beginning of the story has become almost meaningless now because he already had everything before. And that his happiness, unlike what he and everyone around him had previously thought, was not all dependent on his physical ability to see, but rather on his (and everyone else's) psychological/emotional ability to see. And once they unlocked that, nothing else was really all that relevant.

So, of course, you can have whatever opinion you want and I still stand by the fact that I'd rather not have him recover his sight because I like the implications of that better but, I think, the ending we were given is not all bad and some good things can be taken from it, especially if you see it as a comparison made to highlight the fact that Day's physical ability to see was not at all relevant to his happiness and that the story was really all about the journey.

If you want to add or disagree (politely) or something feel free to use this post. Comment or reblog or whatever. I'll be happy to keep this discussion going just as long as we can all be respectful.

Other than that I hope you enjoyed this and I hope you have a great day!! All the love 💜💜💜

PS: People I tagged, if you'd like not to be tagged pls tell me, I just did so because I didn't want credit for things that I did not think of or state myself. Cheers! <3

[terrainofheartfelt]

do you have any headcannons or behind-the-scenes for "it's something new (because of you)"?

oh DO I

for starters i'm sorryyyyyy for letting this sit so long I have no excuse other than life and brain chemistry are Nuts.

BTS-wise, this one-shot within the universe was inspired by a photoset I stumbled across here on tumblr, and I thought: "that could be my blorbos" and lo! it came. I started drafting it while at was at my folks' for christmas, and then it sat in google docs in purgatory before I summoned the spoons to complete it. which at the time I thought was odd, because my general technique with smut is to write it all within the space of a couple days--they just flow differently than things with, ya know, plot, but this one incubated for a while, and I think it served it.

HCs-wise, I've jotted down a few about this universe and specifically the beginning of dair's marriage within it :)

this is how Dan & Blair (mostly Blair) announce the wedding:

Epperly guest writes a post for Blair Necessities covering the event/interviewing Blair

The morning the post goes live, Blair & Dan each post one (1) thing to their accounts

They each pick a photo from what their photographer sent them (both candid, because they look stupidly in love in those)

Dan’s caption is from the Auden Blair quoted in her vows to him: The years shall run like rabbits, / For in my arms I hold / The Flower of the Ages, / And the first love of the world.

Blair’s is a quote of a different kind: Reader, I married him. 

They make their posts from a sidewalk cafe in Firenze then shut off their phones. 

And the internet goes WILD

immediately there’s all these buzzfeedesque articles like “Blair Waldorf, Former Princess of Monaco has remarried,” and “Blair Waldorf’s New Husband Is Hot” and “Who Is Mr. Blair Waldorf?” and “Blair Waldorf Totally Won Her Divorce”

Just to fuck with everyone Blair posts another pic of Dan a couple days later. it's of him sitting at the window in their tuscan villa, pretty much the view Blair wakes up to in the beginning of it's something new. Caption: my huckleberry friend

They don’t see any of it til they check their messages over breakfast the next day. Dan loves the nomer “Mr. Blair Waldorf” and immediately adds it to his profiles (which he only made bc his agent made him). Sherri, said agent, almost makes him change them back before she sees the spike in his book sales. He was doing well enough on a debut, but now he’s doing really well. 

Thanks to his family’s caution (and the NDAs signed by the wedding vendors), no photos of Milo surface, he’s mentioned by Blair in her interview of course, and outside of W he’s only known as “Humphrey’s grade school-aged son”

Nate has a good laugh at it all, which he calls payback for all the good natured ribbing he and Serena got in the summer with “Serena van der Woodsen and Nate Archibald Eloped, Apparently”—a headline that spurred several never-ending phone calls from a horde of van der Bilts, and one—as Serena calls it—“ugly-ass gravy boat” (and yes, she did have to contribute to the swear jar for that)

I actually have MORE mostly about the work after something new, so don't mind me if I share those too ;))))

Speaking of Serenate, they’re on the move a lot and bring Sophie when they can, but she’s old so long haul trips to LA that are only a few days aren’t ideal. So they ask the Humphreys to dog sit a lot. Dan always outright refuses, because he knows that dog-sitting is only one degree of separation from “Why can’t we get a dog, Dad?” and he just cannot have that conversation. Again. 

There’s a lot of anxiety from all parties when Blair gets pregnant. There’s her traumatic history which flares up when it is most inconvenient, plus Dan’s trauma coupled with the fact that  he hasn’t done this part before. He missed almost all of Georgina’s pregnancy, so he doesn’t really know how to be. 

Milo expresses a flicker of concern because he knows on some level that the upcoming baby is genetically connected to his parents while he isn’t and he needs reassurance. 

Dan consults his brother Scott, who lived through a similar situation being an adoptee, and being an adoptee with a younger sibling that was born to his parents, and his perspective helps. 

They move from the loft to a Park Slope townhouse just after the New Year and just shy of the beginning of Blair’s third trimester. She’s not allowed to pick up anything, so she just stands in the center of the first floor and directs the moving until Dan makes her sit on the first chair they bring in (the one from his home office). A joke about a sedan chair is made, and then Dan immediately regrets it when she looks like she’s considering it. Milo’s her assistant when he gets back from school. It’s adorable. 

It’s more house than either Humphrey boy knows what to do with, but they follow Blair’s lead in putting it together. Her nesting instincts kick into overdrive—it’s quite a thing to witness. Dan acquiesces to hiring Dorota full-time so Blair doesn’t do too much. 

The fetus of when everything else changes is male, despite Blair and Milo’s good vibes. After he’s born Blair—hopped up on drugs—is like “A boy? I don’t know anything about boys. How do I raise a boy?” Dan gives her a funny look and reminds her that she’s been successfully mothering a son for a few years now, actually. 

I haven’t an earthly idea what that baby’s first name is (Otis? — I’m KIDDING) but his middle name is Nathaniel. 

Blair and Milo are very precious and anxious and fussy when the baby comes and Dan is much more chill. He jokes that it’s because he’s Blair and Milo’s first baby

Dan becomes a stay-at-home dilf, fulfilling his potential ♥️

Rufus leaves the decision of what to do with the loft up to Dan and Jenny, and they can’t really bear to part with it, so they keep it in the family. It becomes Jenny’s crash pad when she’s in NY, and eventually morphs into her makeshift atelier, where she works while she’s in NY. 

[lotusflowerbreakingthesurface]

First of all, I AM NOT the authors/writers of these fics. I DO NOT own any of these amazing fanfictions. I WILL NOT repost these fanfics without authorization. I will only recommend them to you. If you find that it is inappropriate to recommend the fanfic here. Please let me know, I will delete it immediately.

The link (if there is any) will only lead to the fanfictions that the authors/writers posted themselves, such as AO3, Lofter, Weibo, their personal websites, etc. After much deliberation, I will only share the author's personal website link via private message.

I will try my best to provide the link, but some fanfictions are quite old and difficult to track down. However, if you are really interested to read that fic, you can search it directly on web browser. Since I couldn't confirm the authorization and because of the strict rules, I can't share it here.

The fic recs here are based on my personal preferences. Everyone has their own standard and level of acceptance. So, please be considerate. It is also because of this matter that a warning is needed to serve as a precaution, I have no intention to offense anyone. I will put a warning if it is necessary, but I will not give any OOC warnings (unless the author/writer said it themselves). If you think there is something more to add on, feel free to tell me.

Most of the fic recs here are probably in Chinese, of course it does not mean that I am against English fics. It is all the same as long as it suits my taste and also it is no secret that there is a lot of food in Chinese fandom.

Chinese fanfiction is different from English fanfiction, sometimes there is no summary, no tags, and the rating is basically just "no R (without restricted content)", "with R (with restricted content)", or "high R/H (explicit content)". Therefore, I added some additional details that were intended only for better understanding of what you are going to read and I by no means have any intention to disrespect anyone, especially the authors/writers.

Please note that I cannot speak Chinese (but it didn't stop me lol). I just like to wander in PingXie Chinese fandom and desperately use machine translation apps to read. That being said, it is hard for me to completely capture the real nuances of a fanfic in Chinese. I may only understand the gist or the vibe of it with my reading comprehension. So, if there is any weird translation, misinterpretation, and misunderstanding, I apologize in advance. Maybe you can kindly help me to fix it :)

I hope someone will translate them properly someday, and of course with their permissions >.<

I will only recommend the fics that I have read before. So, if you want to recommend/submit a fanfiction it will take some time to put it here, and of course it should be under my fanfic criteria that I've mentioned in the pinned post.

No regular updates, and the fic rec number does not represent anything.

This is my first time doing something like this. If there are some small changes here and there, sorry for the inconvenience. Any suggestions are welcome :D

Last but not least, this blog is PingXie ONLY 【瓶邪ONLY, 不拆不逆】 ☆𝓟𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓧𝓲𝓮 𝓘𝓼 𝓘𝓻𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓲𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓤𝓷𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 ☆

No one seems to care about my preferences here, but due to the huge difference between Daomu Biji Chinese fandom and English-speaking fandom (it seems the attribute is important in Chinese fandom), I feel like to explain it here just in case to avoid misunderstanding.

I am a stand-alone shipper, I have social anxiety and I rarely interact with others. I am PingXie Only/瓶邪Only, which means that I do not ship any ship/pairing/cp(s) who break PingXie apart or multishipping, and I do not accept switching either. My recommendations are all PingXie and I only like PingXie, but it is not always the case with the author/writer of the fanfic I've recommended/recorded here (I put a warning for those who mind). I was so clueless back then that I didn't pay attention to the food I'd eaten, and there was a moment when I didn't care about it all. My preferences and way of thinking have changed since then. I apologize if there are any crumbs left from the past or even some changes here and there. My attitude towards other ship/pairing/cp(s) are basically "neutral" or to put it bluntly I don't really care about them, anyway it is normal to have different preferences and opinions, but please do not cross the line and cause unnecessary troubles, everyone respects each other like an adult should be.

That's it, the most important thing of shipping a ship/pairing/cp is to be happy :)

[90percentstudios]

Hello, sorry for the unfun question. I was wondering why I'm unable to gift season 1 of ckc as a bundle to a friend. I get this message "Because the contents of Cool Kid Cody - Season 1 are personalized for your account, it cannot be purchased as a gift." which is weird as I'm logged out

after looking into it, it seems steam doesn't allow the gifting of certain bundles, namely ones that change their price based on whether or not the purchasing account already has dlc from off the bundle (at least, that's how i understand it, and it seems to have an affect whether you're logged in or not). ;; it's very dumb and i'm sorry for the inconvenience. you might have to settle for gifting them some $$$ for their steam wallet thru a digital gift card, or you can try gifting them season 1 off of itch!

[the-northern-oracle]

DAILY DEMON ORACLE READING

April 17th, 2023

Welcome to today's Oracle reading, an important message to you from the Universe! Please choose a demon card below and then proceed to receive your message.

Today's demons are:

Saleos/Sallos (Refreshment), Ose (Danger), Agares (Strength, Turmoil)

Let's begin!

SALEOS/SALLOS (REFRESHMENT)

You are entering a period where it will be important for you to look back on your past and learn from your mistakes, though don’t let them weigh you down. This is a time of spiritual renewal, with the possibility of new love on the horizon. You may have regrets that trouble you and are finding it difficult to move forward because you do not feel you are worthy of all that life has to give. Look at events happening around you and find inspiration in the blessings that are being offered to you. You have put in the effort to come as far as you have; now you can relax and take in the fruits of your labor. Learn to master your emotions and see yourself as deserving of good fortune so that, when disaster strikes, you will come to view it as an opportunity for growth rather than an inconvenience. Through these actions, you will find you are fully capable of healing your soul and finding peace along your journey.

OSE (DANGER)

You have recently been presented an opening which, on the surface, appears to be everything that you have been asking for. Be warned, though, that all may not be as it appears and there could be unexpected consequences to proceeding without foresight. Consider all advantages and disadvantages of taking this chance, for it has the potential to disrupt your life in ways that you are not quite ready for. Your own intuition will be your greatest ally and it is important that you take time for quiet contemplation before making your decision. It appears that there will be significant changes in your life regardless of whether you go forth or not, so carefully consider your position. No matter what choice you make or path you choose, conflict cannot be avoided but ultimately it will bring about opportunities for spiritual growth.

AGARES (STRENGTH, TURMOIL)

You may soon find yourself in a situation that pushes you to the edge and puts you on the brink of giving up. This will disrupt your emotional and mental well-being. It will be tempting to throw your hands up and give in to the chaos, but doing so will only serve to deepen your inner turmoil. You have resources available to you; taking time to rest and pamper yourself will give you the respite you need during this time. You will also find that your friends and loved ones are more supportive than you might give them credit for; don’t be afraid to lean on those who care about you and seek security in your relationships. It is also important that you find peace within yourself; you have what it takes to get through this. A solution will be found and the conflict will be resolved, leaving you with a better sense of self and closer bonds to the most important people in your life.

[auressea]

I love my library! I'm in poverty- I use my library a lot. They've got a great interlibrary lending system, and access to several digital resources like Overdrive and Libby and Kanopy.

What the Library cannot do? They cannot extend a loan time on a new or popular work! because they have a wait list. ALSO: they cannot lend 10 copies of the same book simultaneously. and ebooks come with 'title limits' as if they were a physical resource! that's some Publisher BS.. in fact, here's the message on my Library's lending page today:

"The Economist will no longer be available starting February 1, 2023. The last issue will be the January 28 edition and all back issues will be removed on February 1. The removal is because of newly required lending model changes by The Economist that are not compatible with how other magazines are made available in OverDrive/Libby. We apologize for the inconvenience and invite you to check out any of the thousands of other magazines in the collection."

this means- when ever we do a book club? I need to find another way

“Books are too expensive” -> GET A LIBRARY CARD!!!

“E-books are too expensive” -> GET A LIBRARY CARD!!!

“Audiobooks are too expensive” -> GET A LIBRARY CARD!!!

“Video games are too expensive” -> GET A LIBRARY CARD!!!

“Subscriptions to magazines/newspapers are too expensive” -> GET A LIBRARY CARD!!!

For real, get a library card for your local public library and you will have almost unlimited access to all kinds of media for free. Libraries also often have many different kinds of classes you can take, often for free or very cheap. Oh, and don’t forget the computers and internet access you can also use for free.

In conclusion, yet a library card.

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL PUBLIC LIBRARY!!!

[purplesurveys]

1881

Who’s the first person you can think of that has curly hair? Someone I went to grade school with, which is interesting to me because she hasn't had curly hair since we were 9. She stands out to me though because I remember asking her how her hair got to be curly, and she told me she was part-Aeta. I thought that was very fascinating to learn and since then I've always remembered her as once having curly hair (even though she had it straightened for good the year after).

What is something about the opposite sex that you don’t understand?  I don't think there is any one thing, but most guys I've talked to or worked with have been very nonchalant; almost to the point of looking like they don't give a shit about what I or anyone else tells them haha. I never get used to it and always get taken aback by the unenthusiastic reactions to everything.

Have you done anything stupid recently?  Good question. I don't think so.

Do you struggle to talk about your feelings?  Not for the most part, but it also depends on the person. I don't open up to my parents easily, for example.

Out of all your friends, which one is the quietest? That will probably be me.

And which one is the loudest?  I'm not sure. All my friends seem reserved now that we're a little bit older haha. Maybe Andi? Lui and Kate to, I suppose.

Think about the last time you were angry; what was the reason? My mom was changing the program flow that I orchestrated for our grandparents' surprise party – on the goddamn fly. Every single segment had some sort of change to it that the host and I had to pivot toward as each was happening. Sooooo frustrating and I had to resort to PR director mode to manage her and tell her she can't keep doing that to every fucking part because everything was already set up such that the program would flow seamlessly.

Is your mascara waterproof? I do not use mascara.

Are you going out tonight?  NO THANKS

The person from your past who hurt you the most is standing right in front of you. What do you want to say?  How have you been?

Imagine that you don’t hear from your best friend for two weeks. You don’t see him/her at all, and he/she doesn’t answer any calls, texts, Facebook messages etc. You go round to his/her house, but no-one answers. What do you do?  I'd ask her boyfriend and parents.

Which do you like best - your hair or your eyes?  Eyes.

Did you watch Scooby Doo when you were a kid?  I didn't, but I played a Scooby Doo video game.

Is there anyone you know you definitely CANNOT trust?  Yes.

Have you ever imagined what your wedding might be like?  At some point. But I've stopped thinking about it for nearly half a decade now.

What is something that people often call you, other than your name?  Nope.

Are your sleeping patterns messed up? It kind of is and it's so frustrating haha. I need to sleep earlier for a while because I've been waking up at 8:45 AM these days...which is super inconvenient considering I start work at 9. I used to wake up at 7:30 sharp, alarm or no alarm, and I need my body clock to go back to that practice

Who is the most intelligent person you know?  Hans or Andi.

What should a member of the opposite sex do if they want to get your attention, or impress you? Doesn't depend on the sex lol, but I appreciate someone who's smart and can contribute a lot to a conversation.

Are you a happy person these days? Why/why not?  I've had a dip recently because my imposter syndrome has been getting in the way of work and I always feel like there is a target behind my back. Apart from work – happy as can be. I wish I can for once be smooth-sailing in my professional life lol.

Have you had an argument with the opposite sex recently? Nah.

Do you like sushi?  Love sushi and can eat it everyday.

Do you ever tweet the celebs? And has a celeb ever tweeted you?  Nobody that's like a mega celeb like Ariana Grande or whoever. I've gotten tons of interactions from wrestlers, though, that I stopped listing them down.

What were you doing 15 mins ago? This. I'm taking forever to finish because I have distractions in between hahaha – eating my doughnut, watching Run BTS, checking Instagram...

Do you tend to trust people easily, or do you try to be careful about who you trust?  I'm careful.

Have you ever talked about someone behind their back?  Yes, both nicely and not-so-nicely.

Have you ever seen photos of your parents when they were young? Yes. They have tons.

Do you think it’s sweet when you see couples kissing in public, or does it make you feel uncomfortable?  It's fine with me but nothing too gross/explicit plz.

What are you doing later? I wanna do more of these but I also want to play a bit of RhyHi.