#this book is fun to think about because of bills tendency to lie and just make shit up

[wingsmould]

the book of bill is interesting because you cant take any of it at face value

[sage-nebula]

Mabel despises Bill, send post.

Okay, I'll say more than that.

One thing that I haven't seen people talk about (and that I've in fact seen some fan content ignore) is the fact that The Book of Bill makes it explicitly clear that Mabel Pines despises Bill Cipher as of the end of the series. I think there's a tendency to view Mabel as a bastion of love and forgiveness, and while it's true that Mabel does have a lot of love and kindness in her heart, a.) she's not actually an all-forgiving heroine (see: she never comes close to forgiving Gideon for attacking Dipper in "The Hand that Rocks the Mabel"), and b.) we're given explicit text on multiple pages in The Book of Bill that outline just how much she hates Bill and will actually do violence unto him (again) if she ever gets the chance. (Because remember, she got him in the eye with spray paint with extreme prejudice.)

We're first told about this when Bill recounts the story of how he visited Mabel's dreams days before Weirdmageddon in the hopes of making a deal. (Which, side note -- how was that possible? The unicorn hair spell was supposed to prevent that sort of thing from happening. I guess she must have been at a sleepover at Candy's or Grenda's house when this little dream jump occurred.) Bill at first gushes about how much he likes Mabel and would like to sway her to his side, but then:

"Unfortunately, her mind had Wanted posters of me everywhere -- just because I possessed her brother one time!"

Mabel wasn't a fan of Bill's even before "Sock Opera," but as of "Sock Opera" it seems that there's no chance of forgiveness from her for him. And this tracks; in "The Hand that Rocks the Mabel," Gideon treated her horribly. He pressured her into the initial date with him, and then continued to use public pressure and guilt trips in order to keep her locked into successive dates and a suffocating relationship that she couldn't escape from. He was emotionally manipulative, possessive, selfish, and cruel. Despite this, Mabel still felt bad for asking Dipper to break up with him on her behalf and initially went to the factory to apologize to Gideon, until she saw him attacking Dipper through the window. It was only at that point, when he attacked her brother, that Mabel's opinion on Gideon did a 180 and he was no longer worthy of any sympathy or forgiveness in her eyes. Regardless of how he treated her, it was hurting Dipper that Mabel could not forgive.

So it makes sense, then, that possessing Dipper would be the breaking point for Mabel with Bill, particularly considering the note that Bill left for her (and specifically for her, part of it was addressed to her) to find in the car on the way back from the play at the end, as revealed in Journal 3:

"Note to self: Possessing people is hilarious! To think of all the sensations I've been missing out on -- burning, stabbing, drowning. It's like a buffet tray of fun! Once I destroy that journal, I'll enjoy giving this body its grand finale -- by throwing it off the water tower! Best of all, people will just think Pine Tree lost his mind, and his mental form will wander in the mindscape forever. Want to join him, Shooting Star?"

(Yeah, I sure believe Bill that Mabel's a kid he likes. 😬 Maybe "likes" is more appropriate . . . even his lies are lies . . .)

So Bill possessed Dipper on purpose, threw his body down stairs, stabbed forks into his arms, poured soda into his eyes, slammed his hands in drawers, and then had planned to throw his body off a water tower, killing him in what would look like a suicide attempt. I don't think it's any wonder that after this, Bill crossed the point of no return in Mabel's mind. Bill recognizes as such by the time he's finished in her mind as well:

"That was it. She'd never make a deal with me."

It was why he had to possess Blendin in the first place and make up the lie about a way to extend the summer; because thanks to Craz and Xyler, he knew that Mabel was sad about summer ending, and that she could be tricked by someone she thought had a way of extending summer, like a time agent. Bill had to possess a known time agent, because Mabel wouldn't have believed anyone else could do it, and it had to be Blendin because Blendin wore goggles that obscured his eyes (and thanks to fighting against Bipper, Mabel knew how to look for possession eyes, and would never make a deal with Bill). Bill using Blendin to trick Mabel was calculated, and extremely so, because Mabel hates his guts because of what he did (and wanted to do) to her brother.

But it doesn't end there, because then we get to Mabel's letter. (And Dipper's as well, but mostly Mabel's.) Some might be thinking, well, if Mabel knew about Bill's backstory, she might regain some sympathy for him. However, I don't think that's the case . . . because Mabel does learn about Bill's backstory (or at least his history with Ford), and she doesn't feel sympathy for him. Ford's letter not only states that the entire family was reading the book when he exited his lab (and laughing so hard they were crying at it), but Mabel's letter in specific has her write this:

"Anyway, Bill seems to me like a super-needy ex."

We have all laughed and enjoyed this line because of how it further cements Billford as canon toxic old man yaoi, but think about what this means for a moment. This means that:

Mabel has read Bill's backstory, at least re: everything that went down between him and Ford and how heartbroken Bill was over it (she knows about O'Sadleys and the intergalactic Taco Bell incident)

She doesn't feel sympathy, in fact, she's calling him super-needy, which is insulting

Mabel isn't sympathetic toward Bill; she's patronizing. She's one step away from calling him cringe. Her "helpful tips" for how to move on are her condescending to him as she tells him to get the hell away from Ford -- and speaking of which, let's not forget that she says "if you're reading this from space or hell or wherever," indicating exactly where she thinks he very well could be. If she felt sympathetic toward him at all, knowing what she does about his past, I really doubt she'd think he'd be burning in hell.

Mabel ends her letter with this delightful gem.

"Anyway, Bill -- you tried to kill my brother. If I ever see you again, I'm doing this! [illustration of her biting him in half] Deal with it!"

There is no love for Bill Cipher in her heart. There is only a wish to sever him in half, preferably so that his precious eyeball is split in two, with her teeth.

Now, this is in her letter. But we also get some of this in Dipper's letter, too, since she interjects over there. Dipper also delivers a death threat to Bill, and Mabel comments on it. Her commentary praises Dipper's threats (and confident in making his threat):

Dipper: "Come at us again and I'll end you." Mabel: "Wow, Dipper!! So confident!!" Dipper: "Was it . . . was it too confident?" Mabel: "No, it was just right! 13 looks good on you!"

Now, again, this is mostly praising his confidence. But the "it was just right" could also apply to the threat, considering she made a very similar one herself. Many people focus on Dipper's threat to Bill, considering how cutthroat Dipper seemed toward Bill in the show (and how it was their relationship that was focused on because Dipper was the primary protagonist).

But this book has made it explicitly clear that Mabel hates Bill's flat yellow ass with her entire sparkly heart. She wants him away from her grunkle because she knows how badly he treated Ford. And she especially wants to rip him to pieces herself if she ever sees him within a 100 mile radius of her brother again. The idea that Mabel would be forgiving of, or sympathetic to, Bill because of his backstory just doesn't jive with what we know both of her character or her actual, canonical feelings toward him as of the most recent canonical material. Mabel is a loving, kind person, yes -- but she has her limits, and those limits come with those that cause serious harm to her family, just like the rest of the Pines. She's not a two-dimensional, all-forgiving heroine. She's a well-rounded character who forgives when things are forgivable, when it's warranted, when it's deserved. And it's been demonstrated that in Mabel's eyes, certain things -- like trying to cut out her brother's tongue with lamb shears, or possessing him and threatening to throw his body off a water tower -- simply aren't forgivable.

[nelkcats]

Hood Assistant

Prompt Part 1 Part 5 Part 6 Ao3 Next

Part 7

-----

To be fond of dancing is a certain step towards falling in love.

------------------

"I see, thanks for confirming Jay" Danny forced a smile as he continued to look around the room.

The apartment yelled Red Hood in a unique way, but it also yelled Jay and that had him extremely confused, although it made sense if he took into account that the two of them were dating each other.

Since at least three of Bill's bizarre theories made sense, then most of them must be true, and Danny couldn't deny that anymore.

Jason was dating Red Hood

A reality that made his head spin and his heart ache, what was he supposed to do now with his silly crush? It was not easy to stop an illusioned heart

Though if he read all the signs correctly then Jay was enjoying his company,and maybe just for a couple of days he could fool himself into thinking he had a chance. Even if the current situation was just to help him face his own fears.

"So when will your roommate come back?" Danny asked worriedly, if the vigilante would return soon, there was no point in getting his hopes up.

"He's on a trip with his team, so definitely not anytime soon" Jason apologized, if the cute boy in front of him had already swallowed the lie that he was living with Red Hood then nothing could be worse. There would be no consequences for him, not at all.

Jason steadfastly refused to acknowledge the endless number of books that were precisely about avoiding lying to others because lies could collapse like a house of cards in the face of a strong wind.

It's for his own good, and this will not bring me any consequences at all.

Maybe if he repeated it to himself enough times it would come true, no matter how much his conscience was screaming at him. Damn charming boy who decided to make him feel things in his own home!

"Well, we're officially glued to each other for at least a couple of days" Danny stated a little brighter, it wouldn't hurt to follow Johnny's advice and allow himself to be happy for a couple of days. A bit risky, but it had enough advantages to consider it.

"It seems so, but we already had breakfast" Jason perked up when he saw that Danny had put the subject of his roommate aside.

He realized that the boy was right, if it was a new formula and Danny was the only human being affected then the bats would take a little longer to create a cure, although staying stuck with him for a few days didn't sound bad. His company was fun, he made him laugh and his stupid heart pounded every time he was around him.

His treacherous heart had not understood that he couldn't fall in love, not now or ever, no matter how much his head recited the entire book of Pride and Prejudice from head to toe, he was not in love, he couldn't be.

Even if the boy was cute, and talked about Disney rats as if they were a fact, or looked at him in admiration when he did something as simple as cook and enjoyed his food as if it had fallen from heaven.

"There's a lot to do besides eat breakfast Jay" Danny smiled as he pulled his hand to follow him, to which Jason didn't put up much resistance.

He definitely noticed the little fang sticking out of Danny's lip, and how the boy was biting his lower lip as if it were bothering him, but he decided not to comment on it yet.

Danny was avoiding with all his might not to bite Jason at that moment, his hunger for ectoplasm was more active than ever, but Jason had no ectoplasm on his body, he tried to remind his head.

He was obviously failing at it, because his new vampiric tendencies wanted to sink his fangs in and sip his crush like juice. But that was wrong, very wrong. And he wasn't a vampire! he winced internally for comparing himself to Vlad for a minute.

“Do you know what I like to do when I'm bored?” Danny asked, swinging his feet from side to side, trying to drive the taste of the ectoplasm out of his mind and diverte the energy meant for biting into the continuous movement of his feet.

"Mutilate fruits and vegetables beyond recognition?" Jason teased, if he had noticed his sudden nervousness he didn't show it.

"Besides that smart ass" Danny rolled his eyes at the comment.

"I have no idea, but it doesn't look like you can stay still for long" Jason pointed out curiously.

"You're right, I don't like sitting still" Danny agreed with him "that made my older sister really desperate, so she taught me something"

Jason had no idea he had a sister, so he decided not to mention it. He would definitely bring up the subject at another time.

"Did she taught you how to swing on expensive chandeliers and a little gymnastics?" Jason asked, if that was the case then it would be a complete coincidence because that was precisely what Dick had taught him when he was a child.

Unfortunately they didn't have the same amount of energy and Jason didn't find funny being dropped off buildings to "learn how to fly", he'd broken his arm once!

"I don't think she knows how to do that," Danny muttered to himself "but no, she taught me how to dance"

"You? Dancing?" Jason raised an eyebrow.

It's not that he believed it impossible, it's just that dancing required a lot of patience even if it was mostly about movement; Danny was definitely not the definition of patience.

"Yes, I like to dance, it's quite relaxing and it helps drain energy" Danny smiled, he had figured out how to divert his new energy "but let me ask you a few questions first"

"I don't see how that's relevant, but as you wish Doll" Jason agreed easily. He had no reason not to trust him with dance questions

"Have you ever danced with Death?" Danny offered his hand in invitation. It was a last minute decision, and the question probably sounded strange but he couldn't help it.

"One time, it wasn't a pleasant experience." Jason took the offered hand. Thinking about death wasn't very satisfying but he was curious where the boy was going with those questions. 

"Would you like to try again?"  Danny pulled him to the center of the room with a smile "I promise I'll do better"

"I didn't picture you as a grim reaper," Jason teased as he followed him into the center of the room, trying to ignore all the implications.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not" Danny said cryptically, although it was obvious he was joking "Anyway, I promise to treat you better than she did"

"Okay, but we're going to need some music" Jason commented, reaching over to take his phone.

"I have it solved, pretty boy" Danny hit the play button on his phone as a song began to play. Did he have his phone the whole time? Jason wondered.

I used to hear a simple song, that was until you came along

The song didn't sound familiar to Jason, but the melody relaxed him, and he began to follow in Danny's footsteps. Which seemed to be looking at him with a smile on his face as he gently swayed across the living room.

Now in its place is something new

Jason recalled the happy moments after getting out of Ra's contaminated pit. When he thought that he would be listed as a villain but instead the inhabitants of Crime Alley began to follow him, considering him their protector. When he was greeted with a hug instead of a frown, so similar but different from when he was a child.

I hear it when I look at you

Danny continued to take careful steps as he moved around the room. He liked being with Jason, it made him feel free in a way his family never could.

Jazz had been his only salvation, the only escape he could allow himself, and yet when she left Amity he didn't feel bad; just empty, a little sad. Maybe it was because he knew he was stopping his sister, one way or another.

Danny was aware that Jazz had never been able to afford a normal childhood because of him, that their parents meant well but their intentions were not good to take care of something more than themselves

With simple songs I wanted more, perfection is so quick to bore

Jason remembered his family nights, when they were all together. Or at least pretending to be; The times when they got together to watch Cass's dance recitals. The moment the whole family hosted a small dinner to celebrate Tim's promotion to CEO.

When everyone was a normal family instead of reluctant allies, when his family showed love to each other without words, which never worked for them anyway. And he remembered hating having to come out of the perfect picture.

He remembered how much he'd missed Dick's little pranks, having to force Tim to get some sleep, cooking for Cass, even having an afternoon explaining Damian about art history.

But he didn't belong in that painting. The moment he died he was banned from Bruce Wayne's beautiful family, the boy who was welcome in that loving home was left underground.

He returned to life worse than ever and without the right to return home, the small moments in which they seemed to accept him were only fantasies and he felt like crying or shouting at the world for that injustice.

I'm Jason Todd, and as much as you screw me up, I'm still standing.

He just didn't know where he was standing.

You are more beautiful by far

Danny watched a series of complicated expressions pass over Jason's face and decided to help, he turned him around as they talked "Don't think about it, even if it causes you pain, you must remember that you are still standing"

Danny knew a lot about having complicated emotions on different situations, and maybe he wasn't the best at giving advice but it didn't hurt to try "sometimes, it's better to accept that acting is the best solution"

Jason knew they weren't on the same line of conversation but answered anyway "No, leaving means dying."

Leaving meant going back to his family, meant waiting for acceptance where he had no right. Exposing them to danger out of a selfish desire to have someone to depend on again.

Leaving meant going back to being the scared little boy inside an explosion that led to his death. It meant talking about how he felt even if no one was willing to listen to his words. Jason was tired of being the one to get scared, the one to protect others, but what choice did he have? There was no choice but to face the world head on, get angry, and do something about it where no one else was.

Danny looked at him a little confused but remembered what Jazz had told him "On the contrary, leaving means living before you die"

He would know, he had died because of his parents desire for knowledge, he forced himself to be there for others even when there was no one for him. He refused to accept that there was someone other than him to solve the world's problems, no matter how heavy they were. The city blamed all its problems on the recently dead boy, and he did nothing to contradict them.

Sam and Tucker knew it, they had tried so many times to get the city to leave him alone, but they were just kids. None of them could see an alternative, a different way to act, a way to save themselves as well as the others. Danny gave up because no one had saved him, and maybe no one would ever come to save him.

He gave up to such an extent that he forgot that it was possible to save himself. That he could learn how to swim in the sea that was drowning him. That respirators existed for those who could not breathe.

He chained himself to a duty that was not his and lost everything he cared about, until his home felt like a death trap, his parents like enemies, and his city like a prison. But over the years he got it, he didn't have to be there, he had to act fast, move, leave.

The reason he came to Gotham was because he needed to live again, he needed to remember that he was as alive as he was dead.

"Jason, it's okay to wish others well, to wish them to be perfectly happy, but just like everyone else, you must also allow yourself to be happy in the same way" The halfa decided to say as he continued the dance.

Maybe it was a pointless comment, and it had nothing to do with what Jay was thinking, but he needed to let him know, for his own sake as well as his.

Our flaws are who we really are

Jason allowed himself to think on his words for a moment. Danny had no idea of his identity as Red Hood, would he still say the same after finding out? It was unlikely, but he liked to believe so.

"What makes you so sure it's the best solution?" He asked quietly, when Danny talked about acting he thought maybe he should act in response to his own fears.Take action and leave them behind.

"You don't know, I think that's the thrill of living" Danny smiled as he increased the speed of his steps "sometimes you have to take risks hoping for the best"

One thing he learned after he died was that fear of taking risks was unnecessary. If something was going to happen it would, even if you tried to avoid it in every possible way. It was just the way fate worked. What people used to forget is that they were in control of their own fate.

"Taking risks could get you killed," Jason stated with a frown, following his movements a little more robotically than he intended.

"I'll teach you something that someone important to me taught me" Danny stated, remembering one of Clockwork's lessons.

I used to hear a simple song

"What will you tell me? That there is no point in fearing death because there is so much to live for? Someone gave me that talk a long time ago" and he had died for having listened to it, for throwing himself without precautions like his father had taught him.

"No Jay, nobody wants to die," Danny assured, recalling his own experience "even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there"

"So?" Jason frowned, not quite understanding.

"However, we all end up dying right?" Danny smiled sadly "some sooner than others, but no one escapes it"

"This isn't making me feel any better, Doll" Jason said.

"I didn't mean to make you feel better, just to tell you that there's no point in being afraid to act because death will always be there, it will still do it if you decide not to act, you know?" Danny said as he pulled him closer to himself, even if he was a little short he could lead the dance.

Jason sighed accepting the point as he tried to relax. Maybe Danny was right and he should stop being so cautious around what he loved.

But he had spent so much time being afraid of hurting them that he didn't know how to stop. Maybe things will get better now. Even if most of his siblings backed away from him out of caution, it was the best he'd been in a long time.

That was until you came along

Jason noticed at that moment that the pits weren't acting, he wasn't angry. He was sad, desperate, maybe a little heartbroken but definitely not angry. For some reason Danny helped with that, something in that carefree boy with cooking problems made him feel better.

Neither of the two boys noticed how Danny was slowly feeding on the corrupted ectoplasm the longer they maintained contact. How  his fangs were getting smaller and his urge to bite lessened. The halfa assumed it was just a positive effect of dancing.

Jason just felt better overall as he continued with the dance. He attributed it to his growing feelings for the cute boy. Something about that goofy boy, who had a problem with taking care of himself and a lot of mysteries wrapped around just appealed to him. Maybe it was time to start accepting it, at least until the effects of the gas wore off and they both had to go back to the real world far from the apartment.

You took my broken melody

Jason closed his eyes, letting himself be carried away by the song. He felt broken, the pits made him feel like a damaged product but it would be hypocritical of him to say that because he told Danny that people couldn't be defective right? It was time to start believing his own words.

Humans weren't born defective, and radioactive pits weren't going to change that. He just had to keep repeating that long enough for him to gain the courage to act on his words. Until the moment he allowed himself to return to the side of the family and recognize that he deserved love too, the love that many of them were willing to give him.

Danny also closed his eyes, letting himself go, a little guilty for having to teach Jay such a bittersweet lesson, Clockwork wasn't the best with feelings, nor how to express them. Clockwork was time, time was honest in every way and did not embellish the truth.

Clockwork was his mentor and yet they had met because he was destined to die. Apparently when time doesn't like the fate you're taking he decides it is better to let you know. Danny wondered if Clocky would yell at him if falling for Jason was a bad idea.

And now I hear a symphony

When they both opened their eyes, they were smiling. By some miracle neither of them had tripped over something in the room, or maybe it was just fate acting but they felt a little better.

They finished the song tired, with their hair completely tousled but feeling lighter than they had ever felt before. Who would have thought that a dance could free so much of what you have trapped? And make you think about the situation a little more.

Maybe ignoring the world for a couple of days while staying inside the apartment wasn't such a bad idea after all. Perhaps it was the best idea either of them had ever come up with.

Danny pointed at his phone again and Jason nodded. It was morning and they had a lot of time to waste, so dancing a little more was not a bad idea.

"Love" sang the little crow watching them from the couch, for some reason he had stopped speaking during the entire exchange, maybe he understood the scene, or he was just tired.

───────────────

"No, no, no, no, I refuse" Johnny said as he pushed Amorpho out of the apartment.

The moment Danny had walked through that door with red eyes, he knew that was definitely not his usual roomie but an impostor.

"No refunds, until Danny gets back from the alleged kidnapping this is a roomie swap" Amorpho sneered as he pushed Johnny into the apartment again "Move over, a new star has come to town"

"But that could take DAYS" Johnny grumbled. He was glad that Danny was with his crush, maybe making some headway. What he didn't like was an intruder in his temporary haunt.

"It's good than I'm replacing him at school then" Amorpho scoffed, stealing Johnny's spot on the couch, Johnny dramatically inhaled and pointed at him in offense.

"MY COUCH" The motorcyclist complained. It had been his couch since the day he'd arrived, which might not sound like much, but by now Johnny had already claimed the couch as his own. His place.

"Our couch" Amorpho corrected him.

He was well aware that the ghost didn't like his company, but he needed a place to stay since he had been dragged to Gotham anyway.

Besides, now that he had new friends and had joined the drama club to star in Beauty and the Beast then he had to stay until the production was over.

If he was completely honest, even if Danny was bounding back out that door in a matter of minutes he'd deny him from going back to college for a long time. He had already put enough effort into attending that supposed advanced physics class for all his efforts to be despised.

Shadow simply sighed as they peeked out of Johnny's shadow to see the new temporary resident and went back into hiding, they weren't going to deal with that.

On the other hand, Cujo woke up and began to bark at the two ghosts until they paid attention to him.

"What's wrong Cujo?" Johnny asked, preferring to pay more attention to the pup than to the couch usurping ghost.

Cujo grunted as he held up a very particular can of soup, to which Johnny cocked his head in confusion.

"That's Danny's ectoplasm" the motorcyclist stated before realizing the problem "DANNY LEFT WITHOUT HIS ECTOPLASM"

"Is that a bad thing?" Amorpho asked curiously looking at the can, honestly it only brought back bad memories "Gotham has enough ectoplasm for him"

"Sure, but Danny's been feeding on pure ectoplasm instead of human food for a while, do you know what that means?" Johnny put his hands on Amorpho's shoulders and started to shake him "he'll have a reaction!"

"How bad can it be?" Amorpho snorted.

"He'll start biting the floor" Johnny said seriously, remembering Lunch's story of the first time she had to deliver emergency ectoplasm to Danny's new haunt because the halfa had run out of reserves "his body will look for the nearest ectoplasm and I'm sorry if I I don't want to become a teether toy for halfas"

"Danny is far from here" Amorpho brushed off the concern.

"But we're the purest ectoplasm in the area," Johnny stated, shaking the can.

"Okay, let's go find him and give him his silly ectoplasm," Amorpho grumbled, "where is he though?"

Cujo groaned as he lay down on the floor, his new caretakers were useless and he wished Danny would come back soon.

Oblivious to the ghosts, Gotham had a perfectly accessible source of ectoplasm below the city, and a slightly impure source right next to the halfa.

───────────────

After a morning in which they both danced their hearts out, Danny and Jason had decided to take a nap, they never let go of each other's hand. Of course, when Jason woke up he didn't expect to see a suspicious shadow moving through his kitchen. The crow was happily sleeping next to the window.

"What are you doing in my house?" Jason questioned absently before noticing that indeed, there was someone there "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?"

"I want waffle fries" Dick came out of the darkness with an empty plate, looking at his brother with a pleading face.

"I'm not going to cook for you right now" Jason said offended "What am I, your personal chef?"

"Since you're the only one who can cook, yes" Dick nodded, offering his empty plate again.

"That's a complete lie, you could have asked Alfie and you know it" Jason pointed at him accusingly.

Before the two began arguing among themselves, the halfa decided it was better if they noticed him, he assumed Jay had forgotten he was in the room.

"Um, Jay?" Danny tugged at Jason's nightshirt, hiding himself from the sight of the guy who randomly walked into the house "Who is he?"

Danny was lucky to decide not to attack the sudden threat, because the two of them seemed pretty close to each other, however, who walks into someone else's house randomly to order fries?

"Oh, you had a guest" Dick said stupidly.

"Yes, I have a guest," Jason growled in annoyance "Would you mind explaining to him what you're doing here, officer fries?"

Jason and Dick had a staring contest, challenging the other to speak first. However, Dick lost first because Jason nodded towards his empty plate and he took the cue.

If I talk I'm not going to cook anything for you

"I'm sorry, I'm officer Richard Grayson, I usually contact this young man to give him the details of the cases in which he is involved" Dick said clearing his throat, it seemed that being a police officer had served him well.

"Do you get into a lot of trouble?" Danny looked at Jason, concerned, dating Hood must really put him in danger.

"Yes, as Hood's assistant" he said emphasizing the title while looking at the officer "I'm usually the one who talks to the police and stuff, so we're very familiar with each other"

Officer Grayson nodded but Danny looked at the empty plate with a raised eyebrow, he didn't quite believe them.

"Still totally a Dick move, mate" Danny pointed at the officer, who tried to cover his laughter at the comment with a cough "you don't go into other people's houses and demand food"

"And yet I'm going to cook his dumb fries." Jason rolled his eyes as he snatched the empty plate from Dick's hands "come on Danny."

"I was informed that you were involved in Scarecrow's attack" Dick said curiously "is that why you guys are so close?"

Inwardly, Dick wondered if the union was really due to Scarecrow's attack and not his brother's new crush. Maybe it could be both, considering Jason “Pitter” Todd looked so possessive of the civilian when he took him away. 

"You're a very nosy police officer" Jason shot him a stink-eye "we found the effects wear off for him with physical contact"

"You should probably inform the bats," Dick said offhandedly, though the message was obvious. I'll tell the bats.

"Bats are very nosy, they don't need more information about it" Jason refused. Don't you dare.

"However, it might be useful for them to have more information to combat the gas" Dick replied. They need to know.

"It's irrelevant information, they don't need to know" Jason said. They don't need to know about Danny.

Danny just watched the discussion not knowing if he should interrupt. He felt he was missing something but he was never good at reading between the lines.

"Excuse me, why would it help to tell the bats?" Danny asked the officer, frowning "I know they're fascinating animals, but I don't see how they can be of any help,"

"You don't know who the bats are?" Dick questioned in shock, if the guy worked for Hood he should know.

"He's not from Gotham," Jason hastened to clarify "The Bats are a group of vigilantes who dress up as bats to fight crime"

"So, furries?" Danny cocked his head considering the new information.

"If you say it like that it sounds horrible" Dick grimaced, although if you looked at it from another angle they really did

"There's nothing wrong with that, my friend Tucker is one, it's a matter of taste I think" Danny shrugged.

"Wait, didn't you say you've been living in Gotham for a few months?" Jason raised an eyebrow. "How come you've never heard of the Bats or even Crane?"

"Well, I think I did but…" Danny thought about his first days in Gotham.

───────────────

Danny was tired, after running away from Amity he needed a place to stay but why did it have to be in New Jersey? Something bad always happens in New Jersey! According to Sam.

He looked at the city sign that said "Welcome to Gotham City, the worst place to live" and even though the latter was written in graffiti he smiled, well at least it felt like home..

However, the smile faded from his face as soon as he saw a clown laughing at a guy in a bat costume while he enrolled in his new university; he wasn't going to judge their clothing choices, but why a clown?

He found out later that the madman was called "Joker", (some self-assigned nickname, perhaps?) and caused a lot of destruction, to the point where the city had something called "Joker insurance", apparently the furry also had "Batman insurance" for property damage.

The halfa decided to classify them as rogues of the city. Amity had a lot of them before the portal closed, and perhaps they were in competition with each other to see who had the most control in Gotham.

So when his classmate Amy mentioned that Batman had destroyed her house to catch  Dr. Freeze he frowned.

Batman must be very possessive of Gotham's control.

As he explored the city in search of an apartment he met some very colorful people: a bat man, a crocodile man, a woman dressed as plants, more clowns and even two cats!

Maybe Gotham just dressed so extravagantly out of habit, and it wasn't really a weird thing, they were just all weird by default, or a lot of cosplayers.

Then when he visualized a boy with bat ears he shrugged. He must be part of a theme band, or maybe he's a fan of that Bat-man guy.

When he "borrowed" his apartment in Crime Alley he decided to relax and ignore all the rumors. Soon after, his university was destroyed by this "Joker" guy and he had to take online classes for a while.

The Goons sometimes talked about people he didn't understand "Poison Ivy" "Catwoman" "Harley Quinn" he guessed they were code-speaking by nicknames; he decided to ignore it and ask someone later, he didn't want to be nosy and he doubted it would affect him in the near future.

By the time face-to-face classes returned, he noticed that many of his classmates were whispering about a Scarecrow man, which he considered rude so he shut down the rumors. You shouldn't talk behind others' backs after all.

───────────────

"I heard of Batman, but I thought he was a very possessive rogue, I had no idea he was a vigilante" Danny shrugged "or had an entourage."

"It's not an entourage!" Dick exclaimed "it's camaraderie and mutual respect"

"Yes, an entourage of bats" the halfa nodded as he followed Jason into the kitchen.

"No wait, you thought Batman was a villain?" Jason smiled broadly, he needed to share that with his other siblings.

"Fights with others, causes property damage, he's possessive of the city" Danny began to count on his fingers "Yeah, it seemed like villainous behavior"

"But he also donates to the city, fights the real villains and keeps the streets safe" Dick replied.

"No, from what I heard Bruce Wayne donates to the city, even though fighting bad guys is a good reason I thought he was doing it out of possessiveness" Danny clarified.

"You have no idea about villains or vigilantes but you know exactly who Bruce Wayne is?" Jason raised an eyebrow, taking out the materials to cook the potatoes.

"Well, I had to know who to run from, obviously" Danny said, rolling his eyes.

"Why would you run from Bruce Wayne?" Dick asked feeling doubtful "he's just a playboy with a lot of kids"

"I don't like millionaires" Danny narrowed his eyes "and I remember reading that he had a son named Richard, just like you"

"Okay, you got me, he's my dad" Dick sighed, there was no point in denying it if the boy was paranoid with millionaires.

Although neither of the other two knew about it, Danny was very paranoid about people with money and big houses. He investigated Bruce Wayne to get out of his way, just like Lex Luthor and Oliver Queen, Vlad had left him a bad experience that he didn't plan to repeat.

"I'm sorry for your loss" Danny patted Dick's shoulder solemnly.

"I'm not dead" Dick said, offended.

"If you're not offended, why don't you go back to the mansion and have Alfred cook your fries, eh?" Jason smirked as he pointed at Dick with a knife.

"You're scary when you have a knife in your hand," Dick pointed out, though he didn't seem threatened at all "But I didn't want to upset Alfie, I moved a long time ago" 

"Or you didn't want to see Bruce, you probably got into a fight with him again," Jason pointed out as he went back to his task of cutting potatoes with one hand.

The halfa tried to help him by cutting another part of the potatoes, but most of his potato pieces were jagged. So he frowned and tried to do a little better.

"Again, sorry for your loss" Danny repeated "millionaires can't be trusted, I get it officer"

Every millionaire has a secret basement and something to hide. The halfa refrained from saying out loud, it would be impolite to speak ill of the father of the non-guest.

Dick rolled his eyes, even if Jason wasn't wrong and he had fought with Bruce, he wouldn't let him know. It was quite obvious that the family had some problems with each other.

"Oh, who's Alfie?"  Danny asked remembering the name "The only thing I understood is that he could cook"

"He's a cat," Jason said nonchalantly, taking the jagged potato wedges Danny made along with his own and starting to cook them.

"No, he's my butler" Dick corrected his younger brother before Danny had any ideas. He already had weird theories with millionaires, surely he didn't need fuel to theorize about butlers too.

"But it's also a cat" Jason said again. It was quite easy to tease his older brother at the moment, and since his roles were usually opposite, he was having fun.

"He's a butler cat who can cook?" Danny asked, more and more confused. The mental image of a small white cat with a frying pan flashed into his mind and he chuckled. He reminded him of one of the videos he had seen online.

"Alfred is a Wayne family butler" the policeman said with a sigh "but yes, we also have a cat named Alfred"

Dick congratulated himself for not saying ours throughout the conversation, he was doing a good job of keeping Jason's cover. Even if the two people in front of him were getting a bit infuriating.

Maybe he shouldn't have randomly interrupted Jason after he faced a Scarecrow attack, but he had a huge craving for waffle fries, and both Alfred and Jason were the only ones who knew how to make them correctly.

"Doesn't that get confusing quickly?" Danny said, feeling a bit queasy from all the going back and forth, the rich really did have weird traditions.

"Probably, my little brother loved Alfred the butler and decided to name the cat after him" Dick shrugged, there was nothing that could be done when Damian decided to name his new pets after something, and as long as Alfred didn't get offended by it, it was fine.

"Rich people really do have weird hobbies" Danny whispered to Jason as he handed over more of the potato wedges.

"Yeah, I don't know how they handle all the luxury" Jason whispered back with a grin.

He was well aware that his older brother was listening to him perfectly, but he didn't care. He really didn't know how they managed to bear all the luxury and details that the mansion had, there were times when it was too much.

Deciding not to mention their conversation, Dick began to evaluate them. They seemed quite comfortable with each other, even if Danny really needed the physical contact he thought Jason would be more reluctant to accept.

Could it be that his brother was in love?

"Here are your waffle fries Dick" Jason put the perfectly done fries in front of the police officer, who looked at them with stars in his eyes.

"You're a kitchen angel!" Dick exclaimed as he began to eat them, they tasted as good as he remembered.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Jason huffed as he put another two batches of fries in front of him and Danny, they were more irregular in shape and indistinct, but Jason didn't seem bothered about it.

Danny's heart raced as he realized Jason was specifically eating the potatoes he'd cut up, even if they didn't look like they should. He couldn't help but smile as he stole a few.

"Hey Doll, don't be a thief" Jason slapped the hand who was stealing from him as he pushed the fries away from the halfa's reach.

"I'm not the one insulting a police officer" Danny grumbled under his breath as he decided to stick with his perfectly cooked slice of waffle fries that Jason had handed him. They were very well made but he wanted the effort of both of them.

Jason ignored the pleading face Danny was sending him as he ate the misshapen fries, he didn't know why he felt possessive towards them but he did.

"But he wasn't insulting me" said Dick, confused by the comment, although it was a bit unintelligible due to the amount of fries he had in his mouth at that moment.

"He called you Dick and multiple variants of it a couple of times" Danny pointed out in confusion, that was obviously an insult.

"Besides, don't be an animal and swallow before you speak" Jason scolded.

"You read that my name was Richard but you don't know that my nickname is Dick?" The policeman said in disbelief, maybe the boy was bad at investigation.

"Did any of your friends hate you? Or did your parents?" Danny asked with concern, surely no one would choose that nickname voluntarily.

"I have no idea what you're implying, I had a very good family, and my friends loved me very much" Dick replied, narrowing his eyes.

"Did you choose that nickname willingly?" The halfa told him worried "Did you know what you were getting yourself into?"

"I'm not from this country, I came in a circus" Dick rolled his eyes "and my nickname is beautiful, thank you very much"

"Beautiful for a big Di-" Danny tried to say but was stopped by Jason putting a hand over his mouth and shaking his head. Well, he supposed he'd let the circus boy go for once.

"Anyway, I'm here to report that Nightwing will visit later to update you on the cure" Dick informed.

"Nightwing must be a nosy vigilante" Jason scoffed as he finished his fries.

"And how do you know about him? Is it some Bruce Wayne secret?" Danny asked suspiciously, communication with those bats (glorified furries) was weird.

"No, it's because I work in Blüdhaven with him" The police officer quickly denied, the less this paranoid boy knew the better.

"Uh, but if you work there, why do you come here to ask Jason about Hood? He shouldn't be part of your jurisdiction." Danny narrowed his eyes, catching a hint of a lie.

"Oh, it's just that I found out they had a close relationship" Dick tried to fix the problem "and since I'm familiar with Gotham because I lived here, the cops send me every time they have a problem"

Jason knew that everything his older brother was saying at that moment was nonsense. He simply hoped that Danny would buy it without commenting too much.

"I understand what you mean" Danny nodded understanding the situation, he assumed that the police had found out about Jason's relationship with Hood, so they sent an outside officer to confirm if the rumors were true.

"Yes, totally" although he was surprised that Danny believed his words, Dick accepted it, even if he had a feeling he was feeding another bizarre theory.

Everyone already knew about their relationship or is Gotham very gossipy? Danny wondered

"Thank you very much for the fries, Chef Jay" Dick nodded, waving his empty plate "it was delicious as always."

"Sadly I can't get rid of you if I don't feed you," Jason grumbled as he leaned back on Danny's head.

"Although I'm glad your coexistence is going well, I still have to inform the bats so" The policeman pointed to the door "wait for a visit very soon, bye!"

With that said, the officer ran out of the apartment, though Danny swore he was holding back the urge to jump buildings. But that made no sense, not everyone in Gotham had to be weird.

"You have very strange friends" the halfa commented to Jason once the policeman was out of sight.

"Friends who don't even know how to lock the door" Jason complained looking at how he had turned out his apartment "Don't stay too comfortable, one of the bats is going to come here later"

"One of the furries? I think I can handle it" Danny sneered, he had lived with Tucker all his life, another furry shouldn't be a problem.

"I don't think you understand, they're very nosy Doll" Jason frowned worriedly, stroking his hand "they'll want to know everything"

"Well, all we're going to tell them is that you're making me fat like the witch from Hansel and Gretel" Danny replied with a smirk.

"I'm much prettier than the witch in a story" Jason sneered with a smile on his face.

"Of course, you're much sexier, and comfortable," Danny said, though he regretted speaking "I mean, compared to the witch who's probably totally wrinkled and toothless"

"Don't try to improve it, the beginning was fine" Jason smiled shaking his head, amused "but my food is so much better than some cheap candy"

"Sure, your fabulous five star food that none of us poor mortals are worthy of" Danny said dramatically, pretending to faint.

"You really enjoy my food, don't you?" Jason said happily. Something inside of him felt irrefutably glad that both Dick and Danny were enjoying everything he made, even if it was simple things "lunch could be better though, you need more than potatoes."

"I don't think so, I usually eat very little, I think that if you keep feeding me I won't be able to stand it" the halfa said sadly.

Since his food was usually combined with a lot of ectoplasm, he didn't need to eat that often. But since he wouldn't be taking his daily dose with Johnny it was unlikely his stomach would get used to so much food all at once.

Even if he loved Jason's cooking he couldn't handle more than small meals, the pancakes and potatoes were fine, even if they were heavy they were in small quantities, but he couldn't handle anything more than that. Perhaps dinner.

"What do you mean? Your friend makes sure you eat, right?" Jason asked worriedly, he knew very well how to adjust to an eating rhythm when you weren't used to it, but he thought it wasn't Danny's case.

"My friend has only been here a short time," Danny hastened to explain, a little embarrassed, "just like my…neighbor, she's the one who sends me food."

The halfa didn't know how to correctly explain her relationship with ghosts; they were technically friends, but they were enemies at one point, and some still feuded with him on a regular basis.

Even if they had explained to him that fighting was a way for the ghosts to unite, he was still a bit annoyed that no one had explained it to him in the first place, so yes, his relationship with them was quite complicated. Since they were from a nearby dimension, he guessed that neighbors was the correct term. Lunch could also be called a friend, but it felt a bit weird.

"What? I thought he cooked your meals, or you did" Jason said, growing increasingly worried by the endless number of new revelations.

"Neither of us knows how to cook" Danny denied "our mutual neighbor brings us some food from our hometown to get us through the week, my friend just makes sure I really eat it"

"Isn't that dangerous? What if she starts avoiding Gotham? This place isn't bees and flowers, it's normal for tourists to refuse to visit" Jason asked, stroking the halfa's hand to comfort himself.

"I don't think that's the case," Danny said after thinking about it for a moment. He doubted any of the ghosts were scared of Gotham. They were almost impossible to kill and the blood flowers had long since been extinct.

Unless Gotham has an excellent groundskeeper, they have nothing to fear here.

That just added to Jason's worries, Danny was confident that someone else would enter Gotham on a monthly basis to bring him some food.

"I'm going to teach you how to cook, there is no other alternative" the vigilante declared suddenly "but moving on to the next topic, how much do you eat a day?"

Jason needed to adjust his rations according to the response he gave him. He'd been cooking carelessly, having fun, that he'd forgotten that Danny might have some dietary need, or some special need.

"It's okay Jay" Danny assured him, tightening his grip on his hands "most of my allergies are covered, and I only eat small amounts but it's pretty normal, you shouldn't worry."

"I was speaking out loud, wasn't I?" Jason wailed when he noticed his mistake.

"Sure, but you were just worried" Danny comforted him "it's normal Jay, if it makes you feel better I'll tell you what I usually eat"

Jason wasn't thrilled to find out Danny just forgot to eat, but he drank his "green tea" daily, which apparently wasn't a tea he could get his hands on since it was originally from his hometown, which he deeply refused to talk about.

Given the amount of trouble Babs had been having getting into his city network, he could understand the caution a bit. Even if it was extremely rare.

Jason wondered if he should use the gas excuse to kidnap him for a couple of days. After all, the universities within Gotham had plenty of policies to make up fouls for Rogue attacks

Danny wouldn't mind staying at his house for a couple of days, would he?

--------------------------------------

Annd tag time, this update is a bit longer than normal but I love the number and needed to go for it, supposedly this is 7777 from Chapter 7 so welcome to the Jackptot! I hope you liked it!

I'll dig into the fangs later, but yeah, a part of Danny is very hungry and Jason is unconsciously feeding it, although it's kind of mutual since he's healing him so it's okay.

Johnny and Amorpho are going to get into a lot of trouble in the next chapter, and here comes the big brother! Danny is too distracted when he wants to lol

@skulld3mort-1fan@sorryiwonnoob@idfk-man10@avelnfear@criticaloverthinker@confusedandghostly @lunadoll36 @spidey29phangirl @suppengott @yjfk@apointlessbox@mimilikey@thegatorsgoose@jaggedheart11@dyinggirldied@pyramaniac@akikkobara@thedragonqueen1998@lostlightandfoundcrazy@xye-chan@saltyladynightmare @ashleysmshly @thewondersoflebanon@illusionwolfwriter24r8@littlefeather345@asphyxia778@amercurio@leftmiraclechaos @dixiwoods @satoshy12@lyra689@meira-3919@quietlyscared@plotwholls @kyrianclawraith @blacksea21090@basilf1res @flowers-n-fauna @8-29pm@phantom-dc@luer-mirin@taniaundertaleau@cloriform@readerkayden@oddlydrawnpuppets@basementloser@little-green-asparagus@echoednonny@yummy-yummy-mmmbones@confusionchaos@ectoplasm024@autumnwulf@666deaddash999@redhoneysugarorange@blue-avis@sailor-goddess@satanicrutialspecialist

[ofaylin]

⌠ BAHAR SAHIN, 19 CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, AYLIN KALELI! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION AND RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (hair pulled back with a chanel ribbon, lycra boots with razor blades in the heel, champagne and french macarons in a bubble bath, wiping your tears with a $100 bill). when it’s the (leo)’s birthday on 8/3/00 they always request their FRENCH FRIES from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

STATS / PINTEREST / CONNECTIONS / CLASSES

INSPIRATION.

bex baxter – gallagher girls

carmen cortez – spy kids

blair waldorf – gossip girl

cher horowitz – clueless

torrance shipman – bring it on

jackie burkhart – that 70s show

cordelia chase – buffy the vampire slayer

tahani al-jamil – the good place

BACKGROUND + CLICK FOR BIO.

both of her parents work for the national intelligence organization of turkey, they’re big shots and they make a lot of money! she has two older sisters and she’s born into a world of wealth and expectations. 

it won’t take her long to learn more languages than years she has lived, and waking up early to run drills and do obstacle courses with her sisters is routine.

picture perfect on the outside, the household within goes through turmoil. her mother is promoted to the director of the NIO and it puts a strain on her parent’s relationship. 

her father starts taking more business trips, and aylin and her sisters spend nights sitting on the top of the stairs, listening in on phone conversations. aylin’s the youngest, so she doesn’t really understand what’s going on and needs to have it broken down.

aylin had always LOVED her parent’s love story – they met on a mission and they were partners for years, it’s all very romantic. so the divorce leaves her confused. how could you stop loving someone? how could you just give up?

both of her parents are an active part of her life, the divorce is…fairly amicable and they share custody. the only thing aylin doesn’t like is her father’s new girlfriend, young and totally uninvolved in the world of espionage. the girl could be her sister. 

aylin spends her time split between two houses, half-belonging to each, but her parents feel GUILTY so aylin quickly learns how to use that guilt to get what she wants, whether it’s freedom or material goods.

she’s a little spoiled, but it doesn’t satisfy her. nothing really does, it just makes her feel sort of empty, so she works harder, filling time with books and training with her older sisters who tell her cool stories from their spy prep schools and teach aylin things they’ve learned when they come home for breaks. 

aylin long for the day when she’s not splitting your time between other people’s homes and she’s in a place that she can really call her own.

she goes to the same spy prep school that her older sisters did in london. she’s competitive from the get-go because she’s a kaleli and people already expect things from her to begin with. she smiles when people call her by her sister’s name or mention her mother, but inside she’s seething, eager to prove that she’s good because she works hard, not because she’s someone’s sister or daughter.

it’d be a lie to say that aylin didn’t step on a few toes, and the way she skyrocket to valedictorian is a little less than savory.

she has her pick of spy prep colleges across the nation, but her mom really encourages her to choose gallagher. why? that’s weird, her mom never went there and neither does the rest of her family! but aylin really likes the idea of a place that’s all hers and she’s always wanted to see america, so she chooses it. 

she’s a bit smug about being ahead of others because she’s been reading books on espionage since age 4, and if you don’t know sixteen languages, stay out of her way.

PERSONALITY:

PROUD. aylin is a very proud person, she grew up in an affluent household with important parents. when faced with a challenge, it’s her pride that tends to motivate her to be the best because she feels like she has something to prove, and she’ll turn her nose up at you until she gets it. this also makes her stubborn.

INTELLIGENT. aylin was raised in an environment where she was being trained since her childhood, knowing about espionage since she could speak, but she also has an iq of 122, so not quite genius level but she’s getting there. she’s the head cheerleader type that you’d be surprised is actually really good at math.

HARD-WORKING. queen of taking on too many extracurriculars at all times! honestly she tends to overexert herself until she burns out, but she wants it all – the exciting social life, the straight As, the meaningful connections, the parties, when does she sleep? maybe never.

SNOBBISH. honestly, she doesn’t mean to come off as a snob but she definitely does because she hasn’t really known anything other than crystal dishware and fancy clothes. she doesn’t even comprehend that other people don’t come from the same place of privilege that she has.

FUN-LOVING. the girl you want to party with! just because she’s a good student, she wouldn’t want you to think that she doesn’t know how to have a good time. aylin operates in extremes, so she parties just as hard as she studies and has a tendency to get carried away, but let it be known that she’s doing this for herself and not for anyone else’s attention.

MANIPULATIVE. aylin will step on toes to get what she wants, and she’s not scared to fight dirty. she tends to stay in the lines of what’s legal of course, but if she sees a window into getting what she wants, she’ll say what she needs to in order to get it. honestly, she can be a bit callous with the way she uses people and doesn’t always understand the effects of her actions. she would tell you that the ends justify the means. yikes.

INDEPENDENT. doesn’t need you or anyone else and wants you to know it. her confidence is genuine and real, and she doesn’t attribute any of her accomplishments to her family name – she’s not insecure about it, she knows that she’s good at what she does.  

HEADCANONS.

started school early, so she’s a bit young for her grade by a year. she sees this as a positive thing and will brag to you about how she’s younger AND smarter. annoying.

acts like she really likes healthy food and eats a salad in public ( will tell you that’s her favorite food ) but she’s weak for things that are greasy and fried and will be pigging out in secret. her favorite food is french fries but you probably wouldn’t guess that about her !

LANGUAGES SHE KNOWS: english, french, turkish, arabic, german, kurmanji, italian, dutch, spanish, mandarin, japanese, latin, hindustani, malay, russian, bengali. some are better than others and some she reads more than she can really speak.

taught herself to skateboard since coming to america since it seemed like the thing to do based on watching american films. she will ride her little penny board in high heels around campus and loves it ! and you thought i couldn’t make her more annoying !

tons of expensive lingerie but u can look but don’t touch.

has a little stuffed rabbit in a tutu that she got as a baby named  dans tavşanı, and she always sleeps with it lol. however, it was recently stolen in her luggage when she was traveling home after the semester and she misses it a lot.

started drinking bc she wanted to be like her sisters and fit in and she’s fun to party with, but has never seen or touched a single drug in her life, not even weed. with parents that work for the government, she’s concerned about it. 

super into classic romances, her favorite book is pride and prejudice and jane austen is her favorite author! loves classic romance movies too, or anything by norah ephron. she’s lowkey a romantic and needs to be romanced and feel special before she’d ever consider dating someone or even crushing on them, really. scary movies freak her out though, she will lose her shit at a jump scare. 

her parents are not super strict about their religion, but she doesn’t eat pork and her dad doesn’t keep any alcohol in the house. she definitely keeps a lot of secrets from her parents, and they don’t know that she’s ever had a boyfriend. 

lowkey a HUGE nerd !!!!!!! 

leo with a virgo rising and cancer moon. i am so SORRY !

[v-e-l-v-e-t-g-o-l-d-m-i-n-e]

me: *tries to have deep thoughts about a show* me: *immediates correlates it with hannibal*

  ok so i've been seeing on twitter a lot of people so angry in the Killing Eve fandom, and it's funny that I'm seeing it because a) i'm not even part of any fandom on twitter, how i came to read all the wank is beyond me b) man people really simple do not know how to read and understand what a piece of text is saying, uh

  but anyway this is not about the wank per se lol Villaneve is canon. This isn't up to debate, it /is/ very clear canon on the actual text of the actual show. Not up to debate. But it's just that it made me think about the villaneve relationship and how it is portrayed in the show and ofc this leads me back to Hannibal

  on the surface KE and hannibal are pretty similar in the subject of its main relationships - a murderer (a serial killer for his own pleasure/a hired assassin that likes to have fun with her murders) obsessed with a FBI agent/MI5 operative who has dark tendencies that grows darker and darker with time

  ofc they're also very different shows. I wouldn't call KE a fun, light show, but... it's certainly lighter than Hannibal. KE's humor is much more modern and hysterical, while Hannibal was a very dark humor, sometimes absurd and even 'goofy dark' (yes i'm calling the cannibal puns goofy, shut up). Villanelle's murders are filmed in a way that they don't feel as heavy as they should be because we're always in Villanelle's shoes in these scenes, while Hannibal's murders varies between (disturbing but) pretty aesthetic indifference/malice and genuinely gross/horrifying, etc etc etc

  and the main difference between the main relationships in the show is that villaneve starts in a place of... let's say, a place of truth, because Eve pretty soon knows what Villanelle is, what she's capable of and she still develops a mutual obsession with her, while the hannigram relationship starts in a point of lies and deceit tangled with genuine fascination about their true natures, etc

  and the result in my interpretation is that hannigram ends up having so much emotional intimacy and baggage in mutual ways, and not even the abuse, and Will's feelings of betrayal and hatred, and all the horrible fucked up things hannibal did to him and others can make will truly discard this relationship. they share an intimacy so powerful that neither hannibal nor will can shake it off and truly come back to the way they were before knowing each other, no matter how hard they try,

  and while this is their mutual obsession at finest it's also the fact that they genuinely connect. that Will, thinking that Hannibal was no more than a good friend and his psychiatrist, was willing to sweep under the rug the fact that hannibal and abigail lied to the FBI and actually had hidden a body, because he cared that much, it's hannibal genuinely worried about will and relieved that will was alive despite the fact that he had sent a serial killer direct in his way. a powerful intimacy, so unique in the fact that they truly see each other that they can't really escape it, even knowing how mutual destructive this is to them and to everyone else in their way

  now the villaneve relationship... in the early stages is totally based in their mutual obsession, really, that from the instant that eve and villanelle looked at each other's eyes something clicked, and they were doomed to obsession, but

  but

  while obsession is the starting point, I wouldn't say is the final call. obsession always remains, but curiosity soon enough plays a big role, curiosity because villaneve doesn't have much in KE s1 what hannigram has during s1 (and most of the others seasons as well); face-to-face interaction, time to know each other. all villanelle and eve have is curiosity and obsession and, i would say, fascination as well. and villanelle soon enough upped things up by killing Bill, turning their cat-and-mouse chase truly in something personal for Eve, not just another job, no

  but s2, i was reflecting, quite changed the things and changed their dynamic with how much more time they spent together, far more than the stabbing did, in my perception. inevitable; having finally very concrete interactions with the object of their perception had to change things considerably. their relationship bizarrely enough turned sexual without them ever touching this way, with Eve having sex with Niko and then Hugo and thinking of Villanelle, Villanelle's "i'm not with them when i'm with them", very lewd, very chrystal clear, especially when during the same scene that villanelle says that Eve is the only one who makes her feel things,

  and that's interesting, because it brings the other things that Villanelle does/feels this seasons. Heartbreak that Eve didn't show up to see her murder, giddy glee at doing random things with her, her kind of genuine tears at the group therapy, her rage and lack of composure when she hits Aaron Peel with the book, Konstantin,'s "You've gone soft" comment...

  Eve's capable of awakening feelings on Villanelle, something clearly precious and rare for her, and that reason alone would be enough to justify how smitten Villanelle is towards Eve, really. Smitten enough to automatically assume that surely, it's gonna be the same for Eve, nothing else matters...

  ... but Eve operates differently than her. Eve's more integrated in a normal society than Villanelle ever was, has more barriers to break towards normalcy, and she can't. just break it. the way villanelle wishes she would

  and that's like... my main curiosity for s3. What will Eve do, and how will she react? Despite her rejection of Villanelle, she was crying as she turned away to go. What will she do after being shot? What will she feel?

  what does Eve feel?

  Eve's mindset is hard to get for me - harder than Villanelle's, even. She starts with obsession, and it gains an air of vengeance after Bill's murder, but it keeps changing and changing and changing.

  Stabbing Villanelle. Thinking about it all the time. Not really telling anyone (but Kenny) about it. Wanting her husband, but not really wanting him. Downright using people around her with little remorse.

  what does Eve want?

  eve kills a horrible man to save Villanelle's skin, but won't run away with her when she learns that Villanelle manipulated her in this kill. eve, in shock for the murder, outraged by the lie,  won't run away with villanelle, but she was willing enough earlier to leave Hugo bleeding, possible to death, to save Villanelle - who really didn't need much saving, after all.

  what will Eve do?

 i'm still not sure, but i'm very much looking foward to this answer in s3.

[kiara-carrera]

5-26 FOR GABI AND STEVE

5. nicknames? pet names? any in-jokes? okay, gabi is HIGHKEY big on nicknames and pet names, so steve honestly gets called everything under the sun. the usual pet names are baby, sweetie, hot stuff, etc. she also calls him mi vida, which means my life in spanish and it’s probably the only bit of spanish steve knows off the top of his head besides like hola and adios. steve, being the old fashioned man he is, usually just sticks to calling her gabi at first, but as they get more comfortable, things like doll and darling start coming out and lemme tell you, gabi nearly faints from cuteness. as for in-jokes, i got nothing so moving on…

6. any tasks that are always left to one person? ummmmmm, i mean i think when it comes to cooking, steve sort of just accepts that gabi won’t let him even touch the food if he’s planning on only seasoning with salt.

7. what annoys them the most about their partner? would they change it if they could? sometimes gabi gets annoyed with the way steve literally THROWS himself into danger without even questioning it. like, sure she gets that it’s always for a good cause in battles, but when he throws himself out of a plane without a parachute? like give her a heart attack why don’t ya? i feel like there’s probably a lot that stresses steve out about gabi, most of which is centered around how stubborn she can be at times. she’s the kind of person who refuses to change her mind once it’s made up about something and she has a tendency to be borderline bitchy about it. also, she also tends to throw herself into bad situations (because she’s a full grown hypocrite) but whereas steve’s a lot more durable, she’s basically just a regular old human with electricity powers and he’s like that won’t get you out of everything??? but as for changing things, i honestly don’t think they’d change a single thing about each other besides maybe being a little more considerate of, like, fatal injuries.

8. what do the like best about their partner? besides the obvious gorgeous exterior, gabi adores steve’s heart. the way that he puts everyone else before himself and is willing to fight tooth and nail for underdogs and people in need is something that makes her heart swell. she also is sort of in love with how he is with her. he’s always wicked respectful and sweet and charming (once they get past the awkward phase). as for what steve likes best about gabi, it’s that she was completely different from what he expected. when coulson gave him the rundown of the team, he figured she was going to be this stuck up brat who was going to be unwilling to do just about anything and meeting her was a complete 180.

9. do they discuss big issues? religion? marriage? children? death? i feel like they sort of do and don’t on some levels. for religion, i’m assuming steve’s some form of christian?? gabi’s catholic, but she doesn’t really get too religious expect like on holidays. a headcanon that kayla basically put into existence and i’ve basically accepted as canon is that being mexican, gabi celebrates the day of the dead and steve asks if they can put pictures of some of his late friends up on the ofrenda. as for marriage and children i feel like that’s a topic that they skirt around until they arrive at clint’s farm and meet the barton family and steve is doing his woe is me i can never have this bit and gabi’s like so are you just assuming i don’t want to get married or have kids??? as for death, i feel like that comes up A LOT, especially when one of them does something stupidly dangerous during a mission.

10. who drives? cooks? does the handiwork? cleans? pays the bills? handles the public? okay, so i feel like driving they switch off (but on nice days, gabi’s like steve can you drive the motorcycle because this girl has never seen something that hot in her life and she likes having an excuse to hold onto him). gabi does the cooking simply because she doesn’t trust steve, mr. we used to boil everything, in the kitchen. handiwork, i feel like gabi will honest to god either call someone to fix it, ask dax how to fix it, or try to youtube the shit out of it until steve is like want me to try??? cleaning i feel like they split up the work once they start living together. gabi pays the bills, no questions asked, like the girl is fucking loaded and she hates when steve tries to pay. gabi also tends to handle the public simply because she’s been doing it her whole life and can literally have reporters wrapped around her finger in a second.

11. do they celebrate holidays? anniversaries? they definitely celebrate the big holidays, like christmas. gabi also basically ropes steve into celebrating halloween and valentine’s day because this girl is both spooky and sappy. fourth of july is a given because it’s his birthday. and like i said earlier, she celebrates the day of the dead and steve sort of joins in. they also celebrate anniversaries because they’re both lowkey those sappy people in relationships, okay?

12. is there a wedding? what was the proposal like? any kind of honeymoon? there’s no wedding, WHOOPS.

13. what do they do for fun? do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up? gabi’s newest hobby since meeting steve is showing him everything he’s missed in the past seventy years. this includes movies, music, books, and food. i feel like steve is more of a having a set list of activities he likes, whereas gabi bops around to whatever is piqueing her interest at the moment.

14. anything they both dread? gabi HATES when he tries to drag her to work out with him. like she’s 100% down to just sit on the sidelines with a refreshing drink and watch him get all hot and sexy and sweaty, but the only way he’s getting her out of bed to run with him in the mornings is if he physically picks her up out of bed. steve highkey dreads when she takes him to fancy parties she has to do for the company because it’s really just not his cup of tea. but he endures it, solely because it puts a smile on her face and she always looks unbelievably pretty when she dresses up for it.

15. how adventurous are they? for like food and stuff, i feel like gabi is the queen of adventure and is always willing to try new things. so when it comes to showing modern things to steve, he usually gets roped into doing or trying things he normally wouldn’t. as for physical type stuff, steve literally yeeted himself out of a plane without a parachute so he clearly wins that meanwhile gabi is like im perfectly fine staying on this plane thanks.

16. do they keep secrets? lie? cheat? for secrets, they don’t have many. they’re the kind of couple that talks about, like, everything, like gabi deadass considers steve one of her best friends even before he’s her boyfriend. and lies, i feel like the only ones they’d have would be over wicked small trivial things. like if they went jogging and steve asked how many she did, she’d totally tell him she did three and not that she sat down on the bench two seconds in and bought a soft pretzel. but cheating is completely off the table, like neither of them would even consider cheating on the other.

17. what would make them break up? would it be permanent? as for what could make them break up, it’d have to be something big, something they just simply couldn’t compromise on, whether it be based in morals or family ties. as for permanence, i’m telling you right here and now that it wouldn’t. these two love each other way too much.

18. what are their dates like? how long do/did they date? do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other? their dates are honestly pretty casual. they do cliche things like dinner and a movie, but a lot of the time it’s just cooking food at home and watching random things on tv. sometimes gabi likes taking him out to her favorite spots in the city and they definitely hit up coney island so steve can relieve his nostalgia. for timing, they start dating somewhere after the first avengers, but before winter soldier. as for taking a break, i think they do a fairly good job of having personal time and space, so i don’t see either of them actively seeking for a break.

19. what do they fight about? what are their arguments like? how do they make up? i feel like they fight about stupid stuff? definitely after missions if one of them did something stupidly dangerous. those arguments are probably the worst and usually result in gabi storming off, cursing him out in spanish that he can’t even begin to comprehend while steve just resorts to silent treatment. making up would either be gabi showing up at his door and apologizing before hugging him or steve coming by with flowers and her being like jfc i don’t need flowers but thanks?

20. what does their home look like? their room? okay so fun fact they live together in tws in that apartment steve has. their room has a big ass bed because gabi is 100% that tiny ass girlfriend that somehow manages to take up more than half of the bed. lots of fuzzy blankets because gabi’s a sucker for soft blankets. i feel like when it comes to decorating, steve has no fucking clue what to do so he’s like have fun?

21. do they share any interests or hobbies? does sex count? no? okay, well i feel like they’re both into watching old time movies, steve because he remembers some of them and gabi because she’s a sucker for old movies.

22. does their work ever interfere with the relationship? YES. besides the whole arguments around both of them being careless during missions, i feel like sometimes missions get in the way of shit they have planned and gabi gets severely annoyed when they clash with date night because a bitch is trying to get her romance on.

23. how do they hug? kiss? tease? flirt? comfort? gabi is VERY big on pda, it’s just in her nature. she tries to tone it down for steve’s sake, but all bets are off once they’re alone. for hugs, it’s typically her either clinging to him like a child or a koala bear because she likes being close to him and likes his strong arms wrapped around her (and it also lowkey turns her on how easy he can pick her up). kisses range from soft little pecks on the forehead to really long intimate, sensual kisses (to which steve becomes a tomato). gabriela corona is the queen of teasing, like this girl knows this man is from a time where everyone was lowkey prudish and here she is just like actively talking about sex and wearing tiny little shorts around the apartment just to set him off because she likes pushing his buttons. but steve lowkey teases her unintentionally, like when he walks around shirtless or in tight tank tops (that fucking scene in tws will kill her). flirting is gabi’s general area of business, because once again, she knows how to make steve blush where he’s a bit of an awkward turtle. steve, certified mom at the ready, is the king of comfort which usually involves a sympathetic expression, long hugs, and caring words. gabi is lowkey like wtf do i do in comfort needed scenarios, so she usually just hugs him and lets him talk it all out.

24. any doubts about the relationship? they lowkey both worry that the other will get bored of them. gabi sometimes worries she’s too young for him and that he needs someone whose life is a bit more stable whereas he worries she’s going to wake up one day and realize she wants someone her own age, someone who can connect with her about things relevant to her generation.

25. how much time do they spend together? do they share their feelings, or hold things in? post avengers and pre tws, they spend a lot of time together. gabi honestly refuses to leave him alone because she’s like you’re literally alone in the 21st century nope not allowing it. but like once they get settled into their relationship, they definitely have personal time and space, but they honestly enjoy spending time together. like i mentioned earlier, they tend to share their feelings and talk things out because they both sort of know what it’s like to have things left unsaid with people they can no longer express those things to.

26. how do their friends feel about their relationship? their families? the avengers lowkey think they’re both adorable and amusing. adorable, because this ship is SOFT AS HELL, but amusing because it’s funny to see reserved little captain america with his tiny spitfire affectionate girlfriend. gabi’s best friend, dax, is honestly not surprised at all when they start dating because he knows gabi well enough to know that she’d go after cap. and gabi’s dead is lowkey skeptical at first and slightly disturbed because his daughter is dating someone who’s literally older than him, but i feel like once he gets to know steve better, he begins to be like okay this is fine, but he totally pulls the whole dad talk on steve. he’s like idc that you’re literally a national hero i will actually kick your ass.

send me a ship and a number and i’ll tell you...

[just-jordie-things]

An Angel’s Trashmouth - Richie Tozier

word count: 2498 warnings: swearing requested! i hope you like it nonnie! this was fun to write for ya

“y/n that’s a cute outfit!” Beverly called as you parked your bike at the rack outside the school.  You smiled sweetly back at her, looking down for a moment like you’d forgotten you’d even changed.

“Thanks Bev, you’re sweet” You said bashfully with a voice like pure vanilla.  Your entire persona radiated sunshine.  From your overall skirt with a pastel pink long sleeved shirt underneath the denim suspenders.  White keds with lacey hemmed socks.  Your smile was contagious and your eyes sparkled with a constant delight.

You were quite the character in the Loser’s Club.  Though you weren’t technically a part of it.  Really your friends were just Beverly, Bill, Ben, and Eddie.  Stan steered clear of you as he was sure to keep the trashmouth out of your presence, and Mike wasn’t around the school since he was homeschooled, so you’d only met him once or twice.  Richie, well Richie was always conveniently being pulled away by Stan or someone else in an attempt to not have the two of you introduced.

He was just too vulgar.  You and him being in the same room together would only lead yo your disgust in the boy the Losers were sure, so they did what they could to preserve your kindness, while also maintaining your friendship.  It was awkward at times, but it worked.  And you were never really aware of what was happening.

Richie, on the other hand, was.

Bill and Eddie knew that Richie had the most massive crush on you, in fact anyone around him knew.  He had a knack for never shutting up.  And you were a headline of many of his ramblings.  They had the tendency to be nice things, he wasn’t often dirty when speaking of you.  But he was still Richie Tozier.  He had his moments.  The group just figured it was best to keep you seperated.  Richie wasn’t a fan of that, but never had the chance to see you anyways.

Or the courage to.

“Are you going to your locker?” Beverly asked as you slung your too-heavy backpack over your shoulder and headed to the doors.

“Yeah, I’m gonna dump half the contents in this suitcase” You giggled and she laughed as well.

Inside the school, Richie was leaning tiredly against the locker next to Bill’s.  While the stuttering boy was exchanging books and folders in his bag.

“Are we hanging out today?” The glasses-wearing boy asked.  Bill bit the inside of his cheek, knowing for a fact that he was meeting Bev Eddie and you after school at the Barrens.

“Uh I-I-I d-d-don’t kn-know-”

“Your stutter gets worse when you lie Bill” Richie sighed.  “We’ve been friends since diapers, I pick up a few fucking things” Bill sighed again, embarrassed that he had to lie to one of his best friends.

“It’s j-j-just not a g-g-good day t-t-to hang ou-out” He reasoned, but Richie didn’t care.  He was tired of this ‘protective’ bullshit that his friends had over you.  He wasn’t going to completely shatter your innocence and ruin your reputation.

Hell, he could barely speak to you or even look at you without his face heating up to a bright pink color.

“Really Bill?” Richie complained.  “Am I really such a threat to-” He cut himself off as his eyes caught the familiar sight of y/h/c hair.  His eyes fixated on you as you passed through the busy hallways with Beverly at your side.  You were smiling, small giggles passing through your pretty lips as Bev had said something that must have made you laugh.  Your eyes sparkled and your nose crinkled slightly as you laughed, and Richie felt a longing to be the cause of you laughing like that.

“You ever just look at someone and…” Richie trailed off as you and your red-headed friend were farther down the hall at your locker.  Richie sighed as he slumped against the metal row of lockers by Bill.  “Wow” He finished quietly.  Bill looked between you and Richie, a curious expression laced into his features.

“W-what suddenly y-y-you love her?” He pondered, even though he was actually certain that Richie had fallen harder for the sweet girl than the Losers had originally guessed.

“No of fucking course not!” Richie hissed, eyes narrowing though his heart skipped with the slight lie.  “I mean… how would I know?” His face grew hot and his hands clammy, his accusatory glare towards Bill softening as his gaze fell back to you again.

Bill huffed, knowing he’d likely regret what he was going to say next.

“W-well maybe y-you c-c-can come hang out w-with us t-t-today after s-school” Bill suggested.  Richie looked at Bill with wide and hope filled eyes.

“Really!?” He asked, maybe a little too loud.  A few students passing gave him a look but he didn’t care.

“Yeah j-just d-don’t make me re-regret this o-okay?” More fast nodding.

Richie spent the whole rest of the day thinking of things to talk to you about.  Mr Fillman’s head that was so bald it reflected light, the weird lunch food, Street Fighter, to be honest he had no idea what to say.  What do you talk to girls about? What do they like? It can’t all be shoes and makeup and hair can it?

He wouldn’t have cared if it was, he’d listen to you talk all day about anything and everything.  Hell, he’d sit and watch the grass grow if it meant he could do it sitting next to you.

But as the hours passed and the second and on the clock ticked closer and closer to the final bell, he found himself growing nervous.  Me, nervous? No way.

“Dude, you’re shaking” Richie looked over to Beverly who was sat next to him in Chemistry.  “Are you having a panic attack?”

“No” Richie said like he was offended.  “What do I look like Eddie?”

“No.  You look like a boy who’s got a crush on a girl that’s way out of his league” Bev said with a small laugh.  Richie sneered back at her.

“Fuck off Molly Ringwald” The girl rolled her eyes.

“Look, I’m only saying this cause you’re my friend, but she’s my friend too.  And sometimes opposites attract but you’re just… so opposite” She said with wide eyes.  “Like damn you just had to go for the complete other side of the spectrum of personalities-”

“Alright alright I get it she’s way too good for me” Richie muttered.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way I’m just… pointing it out” She told him in a kinder voice.  He nodded, not saying anything.

He didn’t really take into account how low his chances with you really were.

When Richie arrived at the quarry, you were sat in the grass by yourself.  Not one other Loser there, just you and him.  You had looked up from where you were smoothing your hands over the ground and was surprised to see him there.  Richie never hung out around you.

“Hey” You smiled warmly as he set his bike against a tree.  He seemed just as surprised as you.

“Hey… y/n” He replied warily, wandering over to you.  “Where is… well everyone?” You chuckled quietly under your breath and shrugged.

“I dunno” You said, looking around yourself as if your friends would appear out of thin air.  But your eyes just landed back on the curly headed boy standing in front of you.  “Well sit down, the view’s great up here” You patted the space next to you and Richie hesitantly sat down.

“Was your day good?” He spoke before thinking through what he wanted to say.  Instantly he mentally slapped himself at such a cringey thing to say.

“Yeah actually it was pretty good.  Surprising huh?” You giggled softly as you gave him a knowing smile.  “I think the only thing all us students think is that Derry High is just about hell on earth”

“Fucking Derry is hell on earth” Richie nearly slapped himself across the face for cursing.  He’d tried to keep it under control, seeing that he’d never heard you cuss before but you laughed again.

“Preach” You said softly.  “I don’t know what’s worse, the school, or Bowers”

“Bowers bothers you?” Richie asked his eyes wide and brows raised with utter shock.  But you gave him a confused look in return.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just… I just… he picks on all the…. Well the losers.  And that’s definitely not you” Richie spoke slowly to keep better control over his words.  Your brows stayed scrunched together, but a faint smile tugged on your lips at the strange form of a compliment.

“Henry will beat the shit out of anyone who dares look at him, I don’t know what makes me any different” You told him like you were teaching a lecture.  Richie thought for a few moments, about the hundreds of things that put you apart from all the other students at Derry High.  “I just realized that we don’t have any classes together, do we?” Richie looked over at you as your lips tugged into a slight pout.

“No, we don’t” He confirmed with a small shrug of his shoulders.

“That must be why I don’t see you around much” You pondered aloud.  

“No, that would be Stan’s fuckin’ fault” Richie grumbled, earning a confused glance from you.

“Stan Uris?” You questioned.  “What’s he got to do with it?” Richie fumbled with his own fingers for a few moments, lips pursing as he thought of what to say to you, how to respond.  But he didn’t want to lie, not to you.

“He doesn’t want me hanging around you” He admitted with a sigh of defeat.  You laughed like he was kidding, but when he continued to sit there in a slouch you realized he was being serious.

“Wait, Stanley Uris doesn’t want us to hang out? Why not?” You asked, mind completely fogged with confusion as to why he would care.

“Cause I’m a trashmouth.  I’m not good enough for you”

Your mouth dropped open and you blinked at him.

“Don’t ever say that-”

“y/n it’s true” He shrugged limply.

“Richie, I’m not too good for anyone… except maybe Henry Bowers but still” You chuckled softly.  But he didn’t move or say anything, so you scooted closer and set your hand over his.  “Why would you even think that?” You spoke softly.

“Because it’s true” He said seriously.  “You’re… you’re you y/n” By the look on your face he could tell that you had no clue what that meant.  “You’re beautiful and kind and pure and sweet and talented and everyone likes you because you’re so damn sweet and I’m just-” He stopped himself, not even knowing where to start on the seemingly endless list of his flaws.  Richie didn’t catch the way you stared at him in complete awe, your doe eyes full of adoration towards the sweet words he’d just spilled out to you.  “I’m just a trashmouth and I fucking ruin everything as soon as I get the chance-”

“The chance for what?” You asked softly, your features not changing one bit.  Richie Tozier had your complete and undivided attention.

“To even just be around you, maybe if I wasn’t such a pussy I’d ask you out but I’d never have the chance if I wanted it-”

You cut him off, your fingers hooking under his chin to turn him towards you, your eyes meeting for a mere moment before you shut yours and pressed your lips against his.

For a second he had no clue what to do, the actual girl angel of his dreams was kissing him.

Holy shit, was all that ran through his mind, his eyes not shutting once, as though if he closed them for a second you’d disappear.  Even as you parted his eyes were open, magnified behind those iconic coke bottle lenses.  Your own eyes fluttered open, a sweet smile quirking nervously on your lips.

You’d never actually kissed anyone.  But then again he hadn’t either.

“Whoever told you that, was terribly wrong” You said quietly, like it were a secret.  His chin was still being held by you, but neither of you bothered to move.  “You always had a chance Richie, maybe I was just waiting for you to take it” You shrugged a shoulder.

Richie gave you a signature smirk, his hands grabbing onto your hips and tugging you closer, your lips meeting in a more passionate kiss.  The bridge of his glasses bumped slightly against your nose, but you didn’t care.  You smiled against his mouth, accidentally breaking off the kiss.

“Well fuck Tozier, if I knew you were going to do that I would’ve slapped some sense into you sooner” You said with red cheeks and a nervous laugh.

“What the fuck!”

The both of you jumped to your feet, turning to see Eddie actually jumping out of a bush, Stna following with his bird watching binoculars hanging around his neck.

“Eddie?” You called accusingly, your hands on your hips.  “You were watching me?” You asked with more anger in your tone.

“Actually, we were kinda watching Richie” Stan corrected.

“What the fuck!” Richie exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.  “Why? What’s the matter with you perverts?”

“Can you blame us?” Eddie responded.  “God only knows what you would say to her, you say all this awful shit to us we were just being good friends to y/n!” The boy defended.  Your brows furrowed together.

“You really wouldn’t let him hang out with me because of that?” You asked, hurt that they’d keep such a great person away from you just because of his mouth.  Sure, Richie definitely owned the title of ‘trashmouth’ but that didn’t mean it was the only label he bore.  He was sweet to you, and a nervous wreck, which you found endearing.  “Guys that’s awful” Eddie hung his head but Stan didn’t care.  (He’d seen a California Condor flying around while he was supposed to be spying on you, so his mood couldn’t drop if Pennywise jumped out and bit his head off).

“Sorry n/n” Eddie said, kicking at the dirt with the toe of his Keds.  “We meant it for the best” You sighed, but smiled.  You couldn’t stay mad at your friends for long.

“It’s alright, just don’t make my decisions for me again, alright?” Both nodded.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Richie and I have an arcade to get to”

“We do?” Richie asked, and you nodded, grabbing his hand in yours.

“We do” You said with an affirmative nod of your head as you tugged him along.  Richie grinned, turning back to Stan and Eddie to stick his tongue out at them.

“Ha, jokes on you fuckers I still got the girl”

“Beep beep Richie” You said with a laugh.

For an innocent angel of a girl, you caught on pretty quick.

H A P P Y   B I R T H D A Y   F I N N xoxo ~ jordie

[mylifeatwar]

Book 2, Chapter 3, Page 5

Archived Text Follows:

Hey Everyone,

An Ownsmann’s work is never done, eh? There’s something about the ‘Militant Corporate’ look that’s always appealed to me.

As a quick heads-up/shout out, my buddy Dan Condaxis is a freelance User Interface Designer. Over the last few month’s he’s been doing a redesign of the UI from Mass Effect 1. If any of you are interested in the nitty gritty of how to make a proper game HUD then check out one of the links below.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

If you’re working on a project that might need his skills then shoot him an email, he’s open for commissions.

Thanks for reading,

– Luther out

Comment Text Follows:

nweismuller - Well, historically, war has been very bad for business overall (if perhaps lucrative for military equipment manufacturers), given its tendency to destroy value. Our friend here may just be looking at how destructive war can be.

Iarei - http://www.ratical.org/ratville/CAH/warisaracket.html

nweismuller - Indeed, that rather supports my point. But you’ll note that our contractors here are to large extent paying the bills themselves, rather than taking them out of a whole nation. Which I think would help reinforce my point that in their situation, it is going to be very difficult to make war pay- since they largely have to pay for it themselves.

Iarei - True, yet Mega Fun Foods chose to pay to keep them in it. So where’s the pay out for them? The land isn’t worth it, so it’s reasonable to assume there’s an external benefactor; Either another nation funding this little spat to weaken Dhuvallia or someone within Dhuvallia instigated it for their own political or monetary purposes. Hell, if who ever makes those pretty blue Limbs gets paid well enough, then paying to keep a weak dog at the throat of the Dhuvallian government could well be within their interests.

SteelRaven - I’m sure Mega Fun Foods is own by a even larger company operating behind the scenes

Mr. Patenge - To give an idea of scale, Mega Fun Foods is huge. They’re a bout on the scale of Coca-Cola or Nestle in our world ($46.8 Billion and $92.1 Billion in annual operating revenue respectively). It doesn’t get much bigger than them. Explaining this during the course of the comic without going on a Tolkien-esque tangent however is another story… However, you folks are correct. Paying for all of these security units in a sustained engagement would be incredibly expensive, even for a mega-corporation. There’d have to be a damn good reason to pony up all that cash… right?

nweismuller - One would certainly think so. Running a war against a nation-state, which is more or less a structure specifically evolved for war, would require a very compelling reason here…

tkg - I think it’s been covered in comic. The land their fighting over has a agricultural crop of some value to MFF. After whoever in Dhvalia ‘sold’ the land did it MFF and who knows how many other corporations probably invested in the land in question to get said crop.

Sazuroi - It may actually have less of a “tangible” (numarable?) benefit, because losing that land would reduce the amount of land they have access to overall, since Dhuvalia certainly isn’t going to sell/pawn it back to them. Hence, the expected future security/income may outweigh the currently incurred expenses, especially since there are some other factors at play: That frantic bidding that accompanies many battles, as we’ve seen, would create income, since “betting” always results in the bank winning more than the players, and money paid for corporate shares goes to the company, increasing their “backing”, which would at least mitigate any losses from combat, since they are to a large extent covered by either combatant risk or income due to shares bought (part goes to the combatants, part stays with the company, from what I recall of that scene). Also, even if that land takes some damage, it’s essentially still arable unless the war materiel is a pollutant, though judging from that reaction to MFF’s food, that would not be seen as a deterrent. If they just dissolve the crops into base chemicals and slap them into some edible goo, filtering out pollutants like that is likely possible. So, the land having no value on its own means the only loss is in war materiel (and lives, but lives lost don’t necessarily incur monetary costs depending on laws, making that potentially irrelevant) and materiel lost, especially if it is not funded by debt, does keep the production of the armament industry going. The largest “cost” of war is in collateral damage to infrastructure and population, or resource opportunities, and of course trade opportunities with your enemies (only if they existed beforehand), if all those factors a minimized (arguably the case here) the loss is in high-maintenance limited-purpose capital (war machines, guns, ammunition…), and restocking those losses only redistributes money, but doesn’t destroy much value (since the value of armaments is in deterrence and dispensation of force/resistance to force, meaning they are essentially worthless if nobody is intimidated or killed by them). Since I recall forcing people into agreements if forbidden in the free market, the value of weapons would lie near-exclusively in international warfare. These factors only justify the situation as seen, though, since some undisclused highly valuable resource or other objective to be accomplished on behalf of an undisclosed party may still play into this. Wars in Welles’ 1984 were fought (spoiler) to justify domestic repression and provide a colorful evenening news, essentially, and the main driver of warfare in Code Geass was a shiny pink mineral that allowed for essentially magical abilities in small-scale combatants (Not a spoiler since they outright say that in the first episode). Without more worldbuilding, we wouldn’t know which of the reasons it is. (For the record, I don’t mind Tolkienesque tangents, but keep my own background material under wraps and occasionally considered opening a seperate web presence to publish it as a “side dish” for my story blog. Maybe a wiki.)

GreatBasinCoyote - Is there a possibility that for a small donation, an individual could receive a shirt-sized file of the 1st Investment Recovery Battalion logo? Seeing the logo drawn on the corporate representative really looks cools.

Mr. Patenge - We’re almost done with our T-shirt design (I mean it this time) and I can’t wait to have a link up for the store soon. As for the 1st IRB logo, we can look into that soon.

[pharmacyfollies]

Happy Easter! Pharmacy Follies

-Sometimes, I wonder about how they come up with the names of some of the shit we have stashed in the pharmacy and realized how lewd they can sound...

Last night, my man put his Harvoni in my Taytulla and we proceeded to Fenofibrate the night away and all was well until he decided to Kayexalate in my eye.

-Aye, because I've been sick and not in the mood for anyone's shit, my mind has mentally blocked out the stupidity to prevent me from snapping and killing the idiots. However, to humor all ya'll, FB was kind enough to remind me of these gems from 9 years ago. Enjoy!!!

1. Huh?

So I'm standing at the out-window, minding my own business, when some fruitcake comes up to me, shows me a bottle of Diabetic Tussin and asks...

Fruitcake: "Where can I find this but something different?"

Me: "Huh?"

Fruitcake: "I want to get this but something different."

Me: "So let me get this straight, you want to know where the Diabetic Tussin is but you want to get something different?"

Fruitcake: "Yes."

Me: "Against the wall past the pharmacy window."

I wasn't going to bother any further with that idiotic nonsense.

2. Get away from me

Dipshit comes to the counter and asks....

Dipshit: "Where can I find diaper rash cream?"

Me: "Aisle 3."

Dipshit: "Where's aisle 3?"

Me: "It's located between aisle 1 and 2."

Fuckin really.

3. Shoot me

Moron comes through the drive-thru to drop off prescriptions. Her children never had prescriptions filled so I make the mistake of asking....

Me: "Do you have insurance?"

Moron: "Yes, Public Aid."

And that's when the Mexican stare down begins. This would be a normal persons cue to take the card out and hand it to me but we're dealing with complete idiots here. I couldn't take the suspense any longer so I ask....

Me: "Do you want me to bill Public Aid or do you want to pay out of pocket?"

Moron: "Bill Public Aid."

Me: "Ok, do you have the card?"

Moron: "Yes."

And the Mexican stare down begins again. Again, this would be a normal persons cue to whip out the card but again, we're dealing with complete shitwits here. The suspense was killing me so I asked....

Me: "Ok, in order to bill Public Aid, I need to see the card."

That's when the lightbulb went off in her head and she said...

Moron: "You need the card?"

Me: "That's what I said."

Moron: "I'm not sure if I have it."

Me: "I cannot bill Public Aid unless you have the current card."

Moron: "Oh, I understand. I didn't know I was supposed to have it."

Me: "Yes, one of the requirements of Medicaid is that you show a current card whenever you seek medical assistance. Not only that, I can't bill Medicaid if I don't have the information in the system."

Moron: "So I need to show you the card in order for them to pay for the medicine?"

I'll bet you all an ovary and Ray's left nut that she graduated at the top of her class.

4. Compruébese antes de usted la ruina usted mismo!(Check yourself before you wreck yourself, for the Spanish challenged)

There's one thing I loathe and that's the E-RX system. The E-RX system allows doctors to send prescriptions over the computer. The main reason I loathe it is because doctors have a tendency of telling their patients...

Moronic Doctor: "I just sent your prescription to the pharmacy. It will be ready by the time you get there."

Uh, NO!! It does not work that way. Your doctor has no more control over my wait times than I do his appointment book. If I can't send one of my patients over to the doctors office to be pushed ahead of everyone else and to be seen right away then what makes them think that the prescriptions they send over have precedence over the prescriptions that were ahead of theirs? So we just open the pharmacy and I notice that there's 2 E-RX's waiting to be entered in. What a great way to begin my day. I enter them in and 15 minutes later, some dude comes to the counter and asks...

Idiot: "Speak Polish?"

Me: "No."

He shows me his ID and he's the dude from the E-RX's. I try to explain to him....

Me: "We have your prescriptions but they aren't ready. It will be one hour."

Idiot: "No, no. My doctor said ready."

Me: "No, they're not. We just got them. It will be one hour."

Idiot: "One hour?"

Me: "Yes."

Idiot: "Not good!"

Me: "I didn't say it was but it's one hour."

It's quite apparent that he really didn't understand me. Fuck 'em. You know, I can accept that some folks don't understand nor speak English. English is a hard language to learn. However, if you cannot understand nor speak English then it would be wise to bring someone who CAN understand and speak English. This is especially important when dealing with medicine because if I ask you if you're allergic to the medication your doctor prescribed and you say "no" because that's the only English word you know, don't get mad at us when you into anaphylactic shock. And don't come back with some idiot English speaking kinfolk who acts all incensed because none of us speak your language and couldn't help you out. These fuckers have no right to be mad when they couldn't be bothered to get off their ass to help you in the first place.

5. Sucks to be you

Fucktard calls up and says...

Fucktard: "I need a refill on my birth control."

She gives me the refill number and I tell her....

Me: "Your prescription is expired. We'll have to contact your doctor."

And here's where the fun begins...

Fucktard: "What do you mean it's expired? I have 2 refills!"

Me: "This prescription, and the refills, are only good for one year from the original date."

Fucktard: "The last time I got it filled, they told me I have 2 refills."

Me: "You did have 2 refills but they're expired."

Fucktard: "I don't think you understand. It's the weekend and my doctors office is closed. If I do not take my pills, my menstrual cycle will be all messed up."

Me: "Ok? That doesn't change the fact that your prescription is expired and that we have to contact the doctor for more refills."

Fucktard: "Then why did they tell me I have 2 refills? They should've never told me that! Why did they lie to me?!"

Me: "You weren't lied to. You asked if you had refills and you were correctly told that you have 2 refills. Those refills expired on 3/15. You could've gotten those 2 refills prior to that date. Because it's past 3/15, your prescription is expired."

Fucktard: "Why didn't anyone tell me that?!"

Me: "We do tell you that via your prescription label. All prescription labels tell you the expiration date of your refills."

You know, I've never understood the attitude of "everyone is responsible for my health EXCEPT for me". If you aren't going to take care of your health properly and put that responsibility into someone elses hands then you have NO right to bitch when things aren't done to your satisfaction. Grow the fuck up!

6. Sweet Jesus

So M my Little Hottie Beefcake is having trouble getting an insurance to go through. I take over and at one point, I need to find out who the primary card holder is....

Me: "Who's the card holder?"

Shitwit: "Tom."

Me: "Ok, what's his birthday?"

Shitwit: "I don't know."

Me: "How is Tom related to Jim?"

Shitwit: "That's his father."

Me: "You don't know your sons fathers birthday?"

Shitwit: "No."

Me: "I cannot bill the insurance unless I have that information."

Shitwit: "Ugh! Hold on!"

And she whips out her cell phone, dials a number and annoyingly asks her baby daddy for his birthday. I guess in this day and age, it's totally insane to know the birthday of the man who penised you enough to shoot his seed inside of you that resulted in a child springing forth from your loins. Then again, I'm the kind of person who likes to find out that information prior to being face down ass up. I guess I'm old fashioned like that.

7. Quit playin

Assmunch comes to the counter and informs us that he wants to transfer prescriptions from Walmart to us. He's asked if he's got the prescription bottles and he doesn't. He says...

Assmunch: "I want everything filled. It should be in the computer."

M: "You had them filled here?"

Assmunch: "No, Walmart."

M: "We're not Walmart."

Assmunch: "I know but I want to fill them here."

M: "Ok, I need the name of the medications and Walmarts phone number."

Assmunch: "Can't you just look in the computer for that?"

M: "Uh, no."

Assmunch: "Why not? I get them there all the time."

M: "Because we're not Walmart."

Assmunch: "But it should be in the computer."

M: "We're not connected to Walmarts computer so I can't look in their system to find out what you get."

Assmunch: "But I want to get them filled here."

M: "Ok, if you give me the name of the medications and Walmarts phone number, we can call and transfer them."

Assmunch: "I don't know the names. That's why I told you to look in the computer. It's all in there."

At that point, I was waiting for M to climb onto the counter, drop kick Assmunch in the neck and put him into a choke hold until he either tapped out or died from suffocation. I, personally, would prefer the latter.

8. God help us

The phone rings and I answer it....

Me: "Pharmacy, can I help you?"

Idiot: "I just took a pregnancy test. What does negative mean?"

Me: "Negative means you're not pregnant."

Idiot: "Oh, ok. Thanks!"

Me: "No, thank you!"

And I thanked her because the last thing the world needs is more stupid people.

9. Lord have mercy

Fuckface comes to the counter to pick up a prescription. Her insurance rejected it because it says it's too soon to be filled because it's been sent out via mail order. Here's where the fun begins. She flips out and says...

Fuckface: "That's wrong! I don't get mail order!"

R the Pharmacist: "I can only go by what the insurance says. They said that this was sent out a few days ago."

Fuckface: "Well I haven't received it yet and he really needs this medication!"

Me: "I thought she doesn't get mail order?"

Fuckface: "I spoke to the insurance and they said it would be taken care of and that it would be ready."

R: "That's not true. I'm trying to submit a claim to them and they're not paying for it."

Fuckface: "Yes, they are."

R: "Uh, no they're not. The only thing I can do is call the insurance to find out what's going on."

Fuckface: "There's no need to call the insurance! I already spoke to them and they said it's ready!"

R: "They're wrong."

Fuckface: "Do your job, Guy, or I'll come back there and do it for you."

Me: "Considering how busy we are, can we take her up on her offer? We could use the help especially from this intelligent being. She may be able to teach us peons a thing or two."

And you can bet your sweet asses that I was laughing my ass off at this. She reminded me of the old Walter Lantz cartoon of the man being told he needs to watch his nerves or he'll explode

10. I hate people

Jagnut is standing at the counter with a prescription in hand. I make the mistake of asking...

Me: "What's your phone number?"

Jagnut: "I don't know. It's in the computer."

I didn't know what knowing your phone number required high intellect.

11. Along the same lines

Halfwit comes to the counter and asks....

Halfwit: "Can I take this medication with everything I'm on?"

Me: "What medication are you on?"

Halfwit: "I don't know. It's in the system."

Great answer. After all, when you're in a horrific car accident, they're rolling your stupid ass into the ER and they ask you...

ER surgeon: "We need to know what medication you're on so there won't be any interactions."

It's not going to help them when you say....

Halfwit: "I don't know. It's in the system."

And you all wonder why I hate people.

12. Stop that!

So I'm standing in the drive-thru, entering in prescriptions or taking care of problems when it never fails. Some asshole will roll up and will ring the God damn bell while I'm standing there. That annoys the ass off of me because these idiots actually think I'm going to stop what I'm doing just to help them. It got so bad that it pissed T off and she gets on the speaker and says...

T: "She's standing right there! She'll be right with you! You can stop ringing the bell now!"

And they try to feign innocence by claiming they didn't see me there. I guess that can happen when you have your head wedged firmly up your ass.

Now onto the lighter side of things. We have a new pharmacist, H. We just love her to pieces. Considering that she's got a foul mouth like the rest of us, she fit right in. So we're standing around when a script came in for Suprax. For some unknown reason, I thought it was on a manufacturer back order. T pulls it off the shelf and says...

T: "We got some right here!"

Me: "Well spank my ass and call me Charles!"

And that's when H comes over, slaps me on the ass and calls me Charlie. Needless to say, I damn near died laughing. I also thanked God that I didn't exclaim "Fuck me up the ass with concrete dildo!" like I normally do.

For some ungodly reason, the higher ups like to think part of our job entails hawking shit like we're used car salesmen and one of those things are flavors. I, personally, think that flavoring medication makes it taste worst, I don't bring it up unless a customer request it and the only time I do suggest it is for a medication called Cleocin granules. The reason for that is and to quote H...

H: "Cleocin smells like farts and taste like shit!"

See? Didn't I tell you she fits right in with the rest of us vile savages?!

-Speaking of H, here's another blast from the past from 4 years ago. I've died AGAIN!! ROFLMAO!!!!!!!

-This video has been making the rounds and needless to say, it's maniacally hilarious. I show it to J. She dies laughing. However, nothing could prepare us for H the Pharmacist's reaction. I show it to her and the look on her face was priceless. That pales in comparison to the question she asked, which J and I were totally not prepared for: "Is that a Black one? It's kind of big!"

All I'm going to say is that there really is a God because He saved J and I from dying from laughter. In fact, I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying as I type this. This shall forever live in infamy! Enjoy! And if you haven't seen this video, just remember H's question while viewing it and it will make it even more funnier!!

-Who the fuck pulled this heinous crime?!!!!!!

-I see a car about to pull up in the drive-thru so I head over to answer it. Just as Asshole rings then bell, she feels that's the perfect time to get on her phone and light up a cigarette....

Me: "Can I help you?"

Asshole is running her cock holster on her phone.

Me: "Can I help you?"

Asshole take a drag from her smoke.

Me: "Why are you in my drive-thru?"

Asshole seemed really upset that I rudely interrupted her phone call: "I'm here to pick up a prescription."

Me: "What's the name?"

Asshole: "Shit Wit."

Me: "Do you have insurance?"

And that's when her passenger answers: "I have Public Aid."

Me: "Do you have the card?"

Asshole: "It should be in the system."

Me: "It's not. I'll need to see the card."

Shit Wit: "I don't have a card. All I have is this."

And she hands me a piece of paper with an ID number on there.

Me: "This number isn't going through. Medicaid says you're enrolled under a managed care program. I tried looking up coverage but nothing comes up. You're going to have to call your insurance and get the billing information."

Asshole: "Public Aid says that's all you need to bill them."

Me: "You were misinformed. So you'll need to call them and get the billing information."

Asshole: "Can't you call them?"

Me: "No."

Asshole: "Why not?"

Me: "Because it's not my responsibility to get your insurance information. It's almost April. If you know you have new insurance but they haven't sent you a card, you should've taken care of that in January. You shouldn't be going 4 months into the year without a new card or at least without getting the correct billing information."

Asshole: "So are you saying she can't get her medication?"

Me: "I'll be more than happy to sell you the medication at $115."

Asshole: "But she has insurance! I don't see why you won't call to get the information!"

Me: "I don't see why you don't call being that you have a phone in your hand."

Asshole: "Just transfer it to a different pharmacy."

Me: "If you want it transferred, go to the pharmacy of your choice and have them call us. You have a good day."

And that's when I had to walk away. Seriously, ya'll. It's almost fucking April. If you know you have new insurance and have not received a new card, what in the fuck are you waiting for?!! This just defies logic.

-So once again our hours got cut, for whatever fucking reason. The crazy part was I went to the fast food joint across the way and had a motherfucking epiphany. While I was waiting for them to hook me up with lips and assholes, I noticed they had at least 6 people working in that joint. 4 people cooking the food and 2 people taking orders. Mind you, this wasn't during a rush hour. It was around 3pm. It dawned on me that this food joint had more people working in it than there were in my pharmacy. At that time, it was 3 techs and 2 pharmacists and the only reason there were 3 techs and 2 pharmacists was because it was the overlap. Normally, it's just 2-3 techs and 1 pharmacist.

We're a busy pharmacy. So why in the fuck am I killing myself, running around like a nut, getting upset when I can't finish my job or do my job correctly when the company I work for refuses to properly staff the pharmacy? There is something SERIOUSLY WRONG when a fast food joint has more people working to make sure people get their lips and assholes in a timely manner than a pharmacy where we literally have peoples lives in our hands where a mistake can harm or even kill someone. I don't get it. Perhaps I should get into stripping. I may not be able to drop it's hot but I can lay it down like it's lukewarm. At this point, grinding on cock seems way better than running around like a nut, getting stress headaches and being told we're not working hard enough.

-Easter Musing:

When a patient gets mad at you because you can't tell them what their copay will be just by looking at their prescription but has to whip out their cell phone and look in their contacts because they don't know their own fucking phone number.

[arcadeidea]

The Oregon Trail [1971]

(Content Warning: Cannibalism, Genocide.)

In these early days of gaming, it's hard to walk in a straight line without tripping over "firsts." Looking for the first this or the first that is a hook, it's exciting to uncover, you feel like something recognizable of our present-day condition is emerging from the strange, foreign world of the past. It's almost a lie, though. Most firsts are mere trivia that can stand in the way of actually seeing the work. Most firsts are not self-consciously experimental ideas that caught on, but humble clear outgrowths of a prior tendency almost anachronistic to think of as a first, or are purpose-built innovations to serve a specific need (and sometimes you can point at The First and say that it understood what it was doing better than its successors because it knew best why it existed and then was mindlessly copied... but only sometimes.) If you're looking for some kind of great rupture to hang your hat on, the closer you look the less you see.

The Oregon Trail isn't actually first at much, besides. It's predated in most respects by The Sumerian Game [1964], lost to time, in which You are immersed in a narrative role within an existing historical gameworld and asked to manage resources, for purposes of educating children. It's plausible that our 1971 developers were totally ignorant of it, and thus the "first" as far as they're concerned, and instead drawing on, say, Milton-Bradley's The Game Of Life [1960], seeing as the original design was as a board game. The Sumerian Game is probably even more influential and important than The Oregon Trail, as it inspired Hamurabi [1968] [sic], which was then widely distributed in "learn to code BASIC games" books from 1973 on and from there inspired the whole strategy game genre. We, in the 21st century, recognize The Oregon Trail more though, because of the American Gen X ubiquity of The Oregon Trail [1985], which is as Doom [2016] is to Doom [1993], bringing us 2-for-2 on Id references for the geeks and gamers in the crowd.

It tops Wikipedia's list of the longest-running game franchises, and it's gonna stay there. Hamurabi isn't recognized as The Sumerian Game 2, but a bootleg with its own identity, and similarly you taking the reins of a hypothetical Spacewar 2 or a do-over with spiffy graphics would be a fangame or port or its own thing, not a sequel or remake. They wouldn't carry the imprint of legitimacy that comes from the all-important ownership of the intellectual property. It's the way Oregon Trail's original designer, Don Rawitsch, could take his source code offline in 1971, and then port it from paper as the 1975 version I played with only minor tweaks (one of which we'll address later.) It's the way one of its programmers, Bill Heinemann, can deny even his own son from taking stewardship of the code. It's in the way the Minnesota Educational Computing Consortium can make the 1985 Oregon Trail with none of the original three creators, become a private entity with the money the property made them, then sell their legitimizing rights to The Learning Company, who can sell it to Mattel, who can sell it to Ubisoft, who can then bestow the power to make legitimate Oregon Trail successors to third parties. It's copyright, or even more broadly the conceptual scaffolding of ownership, that franchises can not live without, and it's not ridiculous at all.

The franchise all started with only the noblest of intentions, though, characteristic of that 20th Century digital optimism that necessarily colors early video games. They were going to use computers to educate children. A game is a spicy way to approach this, but not unprecedented; one could say most games are already educational, even if in a given instance all you learn is about the game. So what's its pedagogical approach to history, and how does it fare?

Well, it's unusually gamey for an "edutainment" title. There's no room for those "read some facts" sections divorced from the gameplay we're familiar with from later titles like the Carmen Sandiego series. Instead, like reportedly The Sumerian Game before it, it relies heavily on now-lost paratext (which ultimately functions much the same as the Carmen Sandiego model) for the delivery of historical fact: the 1971 Western Expansion unit curriculum The Oregon Trail game was originally only a small part of. It could have reasonably been implemented within the tight space constraints of a 1970s BASIC mainframe program as, say, a fact- and text-heavy quiz, but instead we got something very gameplay-heavy that was shortly thereafter shorn of that original contextualizing information. As-is, you can hardly poke at the game's factual inaccuracies, because what little is there is accurate. (For instance, the 1985 edition would make the prevalence of dysentery infamous, but on the real Trail, the #1 killer was cholera.) The game we have is a supplement... but if not hard facts, then what does it teach you? Reading, typing?

The game is turn-based, and at the top of every turn it displays your five resources: Food, Ammunition, Clothing, Cash, and Miscelaneous [sic] Supplies, which are things like axles and medicine. Your cash reserves (which always start at the same place) can be used at the nondescript forts you have the chance to stop at on some turns. Food, clothing, and supplies correspond not to any real values like pounds of food but one-to-one with the cash you spent on them. You just have "30 Clothes," which somehow depletes rapidly. It might be meant as the abstract monetary value, but since there's no selling, it's unclear. Run out of clothes or supplies, and you could die at any moment. Run out of food, and you die instantly. Like in The Sumerian Game, you're managing resources through the proxy of numerical abstraction, but unlike it, this is not a game meant to educate you on economics, this is the First Survival Game. In all this, we see the inverse of the priority motivation of Spacewar: managing finite, dwindling resource scarcity instead of pushing hard on the limits of the infinite.

Ammunition, on the other hand, is not directly vital but ridiculously cheap. Pun intended, it's the best bang for your buck. You're thus incentivized to play into the rugged outdoorsy individualist role (unlike later games, there's no indication that you are anything but alone) by hunting for your food, without the fiddly business of coding something like food that goes bad if you just let it sit. When you go to shoot something, be it animals on the hunt or hunting yourself, or hostile "riders," you are dropped from the methodical turn-based world into a real-time action-reflex one, which delivers a jolt of energy to the whole experience. In a stroke of ingenuity within the text-only limitations, you are tasked with typing the word "BANG" quickly and accurately. In the 1978 version, it also changes the word up on you (like it could be "POW") which makes the mechanic even more reminiscent of The Typing Of The Dead [1999]. The metaphor stands clear: your typing skill, quick and accurate, enacts corresponding quick and accurate violence on the computer. The computer will have its revenge, though.

No matter how skilled you are at hunting for your food and managing your resources, you are at the complete mercy of the gameworld. The random events at the end of every turn are perhaps the real star of the show here — definitely an evolution of Spacewar's star, anyway. The wrong random events can bring you from fine to dead in just one turn. It's not fair!

That's the point. The Oregon Trail is not about getting to Oregon. Sure, that's the goal that keeps you going both in and out of character, but really The Oregon Trail is about the losing. The death message is rendered with great ceremony, three separate command prompts on your funeral, just for flavor. Even when you make it to the promised land, you're haunted by the ghosts of your own failure, and the entire time you're on the journey is low-level tension and dread at the imagined fatality lurking under every rock. That's the pedagogical utility of the game that a book or a lecture just doesn't give you: by placing you in the middle of a world model and an unimportant role, it communicates an impression, a feeling of what it was like to live as an ordinary person in the time and place depicted, and that impression is one of a dangerous world, arbitrary enough that you can do everything right and still eat curb. There's a straight line from here to Cart Life [2011]. Why, Oregon Trail is the First Empathy Game! The terminology of the "Empathy Game," if you're unfamiliar or have forgotten, was a bit of a fad genre in mid-2010s among a handful of thinkpiece writers and social scientists, and notably not many actual game designers. It was a genre that post-hoc lumped together titles like the aforementioned Cart Life, Depression Quest [2013], That Dragon, Cancer [2016], and even Spec Ops: The Line [2012]! With the exception of the latter, the sales pitch of the genre was basically that in snubbing traditional concepts like "fun" and "violence" in favor of depicting a minimal-gameplay sad world drawn from the author's deeply personal (and often enough, marginalized) experience, these games would make you a better person; they were good for you, like eating your vegetables. Game designer Anna Anthropy was particularly enraged by cis allies patting themselves on the back in this way for playing her short title Dys4ia [2012], and in response to all this she exhibited The Road To Empathy [2015], which was a pair of her size 13 high heel boots with a pedometer attached, so that people could literally walk a mile in her shoes and try to get the high score. (A scathing Cinderella story.)

I myself am a cis white male living in Oregon's Willamette Valley, cause to worry that when I telnetted in to play the game it would instantly award me victory. I grew up here. I was born too late for Apple IIs preloaded with Oregon Trail in the classrom, but one year in elementary school the teacher put together her own longform, paper-based, team-play Oregon Trail game. My team died trapped by snow in the mountains, and then once I was checked-out and scorched about the loss, the whole class got to learn about the Donner Party, a group of settlers who went into the mountains, got snowed in, and ate each other. That's a harrowing, tragic situation about people at the furthest extremities of humanity, and we didn't get too deep into it, but it wasn't sanitized. Years later, don't know how many, I wondered: why? Not why did it happen, but why was I taught about that as history? Not even that it was gruesome, but it didn't square with my understanding of capital-h History at that time, that it was just such a small story that had immediate effect on nobody outside of the Donner Party themselves. It was just some fucked-up shit that happened once. Trivia. What was I meant to learn? Not to go through the mountains in a covered wagon during winter? No, no, it had to be one of those abstract moral Life Lessons... Was it solemn respect for the dead? The terror of nature, and the weakness of man and our society in the face of it? I've seen it used to make exactly the opposite point, that adversity builds morality and character, which is incredibly stupid but that doesn't mean that wasn't meant as the takeaway.

Writing this now, I think I have figured out that I was being taught about my heritage. It's odd to think of it that way, but it's not out of the ordinary in many cultures to pass down illustrative tales of suffering to the young so they and their example are not forgotten, though. I believe I was meant to associate myself in some continuity with The Donner Party, their inheritors as an Oregonian, as an American, as — to put it sharply — a white person, and truly, I am. The subtext is that the past of hardscrabble living and suffering we underwent to get here (in this case, a literal location, Oregon,) legitimizes our comfortable place now. Likewise, the intention of The Oregon Trail is to get us to identify and empathize with the settler. Both are virtual memory, simulated aggrievement.

Our second game has taken as its subject and theme perhaps one of the few darker and more harrowing subject matters than war: colonialism. Identifying colonialism in games is in vogue right now, but it's currently most commonly leveled as a criticism at let's-call-them-post-Minecraft games in which you are actively engaged in both extracting resources from and changing the environment to suit you, even where there is no colonization on the narrative end. The Oregon Trail is just the opposite, using its resource management purely to emphasize that we are at the whims of our environment, while its narrative framing is colonization. It flinches from the larger truth of what it is depicting in favor of an attempt at systematized monetary verisimilitude that absorbs us.

The Oregon Trail [c. 1847-1869] can be considered a mirror for its rough contemporary, The Trail Of Tears [c. 1830-1850]. Nobody wanted to be on The Trail Of Tears. People were being forcibly relocated from what prosperity they had managed to carve out for themselves into conditions of deliberate impovershment. The mass suffering and death they experienced on the way was, when not maliciously engineered, fully intended, and it did nothing to legitimize their claims to the land they now had. Conversely, the settlers moving far west were doing so entirely voluntarily.(The game starts you in St. Louis, 1847, coincidentally the exact time and place a legally-enforced Mormon exodus began, but this game isn't The Utah Trail.) There's a phrase for that hopeful dream that fundamentally motivated every last Oregonian settler to embark on their painful journey: Manifest Destiny. The land out west is already metaphysically yours, you just have to go out and take it in fact. In period records, what is done to the indigenous people across the continent is described in jarringly passive voice (such as "dying off",) as what are clearly active campaigns of hostility are waged with full intent to exterminate. The suffocating, violent racism of the 1800s United States can not be understated, and yet it is full-on swept under the rug, not just here, but almost everywhere you turn that's not the niche of a serious history for adults. This was an era when even some white slavery abolitionists were only that way because the thought of sharing a nation with any black people, even slaves, so offended their sensibilities.

The Oregon Trail game is, point blank and very straightforwardly, white nationalist propaganda. Now, it's not hate speech! It doesn't come out of the damp basement printing press of a Neo-Nazi, but the cleanliness of the omissions and assumptions and unwarranted romanticism of a standard grade school American History curriculum, and from the noblest of intentions. It's not Custer's Revenge [1982] or The Birth Of A Nation [1915]. In fact, the most major & germane difference (possibly) between the 1971 teletype version and the 1975 one I played is a modulation towards greater racial sensitivity: The random event of hostile "Indians" is scrubbed to "riders." This leaves only friendly Native Americans, which is actually, so I read, broadly historically accurate for what a trail-goer would encounter. The Cayuse War, for example, did start with an attack on a white civilian, but most of the engagement was between military forces. Not to form a bad habit of relying too heavily on author quotes, but here's what programmer Bill Heinemann had to say about it:

I heard from Paul [Dillenberger, fellow Oregon Trail coder] that we needed to eliminate any negative references to Native Americans. Since my generation had grown up on TV cowboy shows, my first reaction was that we were denying a piece of our own history.

Get a load of this honky. He instinctively thought the heritage he needed to pass on to Minnesota schoolchildren was the pulpy good-guy-bad-guy myth of the unrevised Western, masquerading as fact. The Oregon Trail is, in the end, just as much the flippant pop culture fantasia as Spacewar, despite the pretense of fact and education. Thankfully, Mr. Heinemann thoughtfully backtracked on that count, thinking of potential Native American children playing the game. In 2017, lead designer Don Rawitsch even said that he'd like to see a version of The Oregon Trail from the Native American perspective. In 2019, we got exactly that.

When Rivers Were Trails [2019] is the product of almost 50 more years in development in ludic story delivery and edutainment. It's marketed as the Native American response to The Oregon Trail, though it too takes place about 50 years later, in the 1890s. This places it after the end of most direct warfare, save with the Apaches, although Geronimo had already surrendered and you do not visit the American Southwest. Instead, when you are given the choice to resist, it takes the form not of, say, mass armed rebellion, but in community spiritualism and helping negotiate the crooked legal system.

In the story, you wander aimlessly west, away from the traditional lands in Minnesota you can now never return to. Along the way, you meet many Native Americans, who aren't typically so much characters as they are the medium by which facts about the land and history are summarized, ala the Carmen Sandiego model of edutainment referred to earlier. When Rivers Were Trails hews closer to something like a visual novel with minigames, and is nowhere near as interested in systematizing misery as The Oregon Trail. The worst things that directly happen to the player are rare harassment by the Indian Patrol, and there are resources as a nod to The Oregon Trail, here Willpower, Food, and Medicine, and, fittingly enough considering the direct equation of resource-to-cash in the 1970s game, they're used mostly as forms of currency for trading. Other than that, they don't "matter," in that they're super easy to come by living off the land and running out of food or medicine won't kill you. Only running out of spiritual Willpower will, which suggests to me that you're on some metaphoric level a ghost animated by your journey, bearing witness to vignettes of not so much the suffering itself, but the almost-post-apocalyptic aftershocks of great misfortunes and displacements and how various people are holding on or moving on. Don't mistake it for an Empathy Game — it's strictly educational.

[bardqueenofgallifrey]

okay ur plan for a bill/jenny+vastra meetup is a lot better, how about just summery Clara/Bill platonic fluff since it's winter for you suckers down there ; )

this is set between Knock Knock and Oxygen for Bill. and Ashildr/Me got herself in here far too much, whoops!

posted on AO3 here because I was so taken with it. 

The invitation comes the way it did the last time - mysterious letter through the door, older than every other bit of mail by a noticeable amount, yellowing with age.

Uphill Slipway beach, Saturday, noon. 

Bill grins. 

Come Saturday, she takes the bus from Bristol to Uphill, just under an hour and a half, and enjoys the peacefulness of the journey that gets her through her weird playlist that’s just a mix of David Bowie and Hayley Kiyoko. 

It’s a beautiful day, with just a right amount of wind and plenty of sun. Bill smiles into the breeze and basks in the feeling of the sun on her face. 

A familiar diner is perched just on the edge of the dunes, but none of the locals seem to be paying it any notice. Bill heads inside, and sees a familiar face - the shorter brunette with the nose piercing, who is always rolling her eyes but never at Bill. 

She’s nice to Bill, actually. There’s something compelling about her, a weight to her eyes and her words, that almost reminds Bill of the Doctor. 

Not to mention, she tends to flirt with Bill at the most surprising moments, which is fun. 

“Hey, Me,” Bill says. 

“Hello Bill,” Me says, from where she’s perched on the counter painting her toenails a deep purple colour. “She’s out on the beach, not too far off. Green sundress, you won’t miss her.” 

“She’s a bit hard to miss,” Bill replies, and Me indulges her with a nod, and a small smile. 

“You look nice,” Me says, eyes trailing over Bill’s colourful jumpsuit (the one she had worn on her first trip to another world) and the denim shorts it was tucked into. 

Bill tries not to blush. “Thanks. You look nice too.” It isn’t surprising that Me’s beach getup is more sophisticated - a wrap dress over what looks like a modest swimsuit, as well as a large floppy hat. 

Me smiles again. “Thank you.” 

Bill lingers awkwardly, her stupid little crush making her want to prolong the conversation. “So I’ll, uh… go see her, then.”

Me nods. 

“See you out there?” Bill asks, trying not to sound too hopeful. 

“Perhaps.”

There’s something to Me’s soft eyes and the curl of her smile that makes Bill think Me is all too aware of Bill’s little crush, but it doesn’t feel like it’s returned so much as a source of flattery and faint amusement. Not in a cruel way, though. It’s like… it’s like Me is just in a level that Bill could never comprehend. That’s what it feels like. 

Bill ducks out of the diner and heads for the beach, and sure enough spots a figure in a green sundress. 

Clara Oswald stands at the water’s edge, with her feet in the sand, letting in the waves come in and cascade over her feet and ankles. Her face is tilted up to the sky and her eyes are closed, a content smile on her lips. 

“You made it,” she says, as Bill approaches, without looking around. 

“Seriously, how do you do that? It’s like him all over again,” Bill says, amazed, and Clara just laughs a little, but in that way that is always a little bit sad whenever the Doctor is brought up. 

She finally turns to look at Bill, and Bill has to stop and take a moment, like she always does, at just how beautiful she is. 

Like, the oh my god I’m so gay how do girls do that, how am I standing in front of an actual goddess right now. That kind of taking a moment. 

Weirdly, Bill is more in awe of Clara than crushing on her, unlike with Me. She’s not quite sure why that is, but she suspects it’s because Clara always feels like the Doctor’s, like she’s out of Bill’s reach in a way that’s impossible to describe. 

“Hey,” Clara says, more softly. Those huge eyes of hers are warm, like they always are, but with that hint of sadness too. 

“Hey yourself,” Bill says, swallowing. “Look, I’ve still got my shoes on, so could we maybe walk or sunbathe instead of standing by the water? If we’re gonna talk?” 

Clara loops her arm through Bill’s and they start walking along the water’s edge. 

“How have you been?” 

“Yeah, good. I mean it’s been completely mental, but it’s been good. How about you?” 

Clara nods. “Well enough, yeah.” She grins, genuinely for the first time. “Me and I have been hanging out with Queen Victoria.”

“Firstly, I will never get used to how weird your sentences sound when her name is Me, like seriously how have you not lost your mind yet?” Bill asks, amazed. “But also… Queen Victoria?! Seriously?! What’s she like?” 

“You know, she’s surprisingly good company,” Clara says with a grin. “And she lets me try on her dresses sometimes. I actually got mistaken for her, once.” 

“That’s insane,” Bill says. “I wish I could meet someone cool from history.”

“Who would you want to meet?” 

“Sappho,” Bill says seriously. “God, I want to meet Sappho. I have no idea what I’d say, but to hear a full poem would just… complete my whole life.”

“Why haven’t you gotten the Doctor to take you?” 

“He reckons me dying a gay death would be unproductive,” Bill says, sighing as she recalls the conversation where he had expressed genuine concern for her wellbeing when she’d brought up the idea. 

Clara bursts out laughing. “Well, he might have a point. You do have a bit of a tendency to, uh-”

“Get extremely overwhelmed by beautiful women, yeah,” Bill says, snorting. “Kind of amazed I manage to keep my wits about me as much as I do when I’m with you, actually.” 

Clara lifts an eyebrow, and Bill blushes and pushes her with her shoulder so that Clara stumbles towards the water and gets her feet wet again. 

“Shut up, you know what I mean,” Bill says, “I’m not hitting on you, it’s just a fact, you’ve got to be one of the most gorgeous people to exist on this whole planet.” 

Clara smiles, in a way that makes it look like her cheeks should be flushed with colour, but they aren’t. In fact, Bill’s never seen her blush, which is weird, come to think of it. 

“Well, thank you,” Clara says as she falls back into step with Bill, “you’re fairly something yourself. Me certainly thinks so.”

“Yeah?” Bill asks, possibly with a bit too much interest. 

“Well, she paints a lot, and some of the figures are starting to look suspiciously like you. Unless she’s become interested in afros for another reason.”

“That’s… encouraging,” Bill says, surprised. 

Clara glances at her. “You know that nothing could really-”

“Yeah, I know,” Bill is quick to say, “I’m not stupid, I know a weird unavailable-and-possibly-alien figure when I see one.” 

It's not like Bill has ever seriously thought something would happen between her and Me. Not even taking into the account the fact that Me travels around in a weird TARDIS diner, there's just something about Me. That idea of her being outside of Bill's comprehension, somehow. But it doesn't stop Bill from enjoying a harmless crush.

“She was human once,” Clara says. “But that was… a very long time ago. And now she is something… someone completely different.” 

“It’s alright, last person I had a crush on before her turned into a puddle and tried to kill me, remember?” 

“Oh yeah.” Clara makes a face. “That was rough.” 

They walk in silence for a while, just enjoying the beach and the weather. When the question finally comes, it’s as cautious as it ever is. 

“So… how is he?” Clara asks. 

“He’s good, I think,” Bill says, honestly. “I mean, it’s hard to know, because he’s the Doctor, but he seems a bit better to how he was when I met him, you know? A bit lighter. Happier. I do catch him looking sad sometimes. Sometimes he’s looking at those pictures on his desk - you know, the girl and the lady with the mental hair. But sometimes he’s just staring off out of the window, and it’s like he doesn’t know that he’s sad, you know?” 

“Yeah, I do,” Clara says with a sigh. “But he hasn’t mentioned me at all?” 

“Nah,” Bill says, and the familiar mixture of relief and sadness takes over Clara’s face. “Man, I hate having to tell you that. I know this is only the third time, but seriously. I know it’s what’s important, to keep him safe, but it’s obviously killing you.” 

“It’s the way it has to be,” Clara replies, shrugging. “The main thing is that he’s okay.”

“Are you okay, though?” 

Clara gives her a big smile. “I’m always okay.” It isn’t quite believable, but Bill nods anyway. 

They head back the way they came, and come across Me lying on a blanket in the sun with a book. 

“Everything alright?” She asks when they lie down either side of her. 

“Still nothing,” Clara tells her. “We’re good.” 

“So when the Doctor asks me how my weekend was, I suppose I’ll need to make something up,” Bill says thoughtfully. 

“Just tell him you went to the beach with some friends,” Me replies, turning the page of her book. 

“My weird friends with their TARDIS that looks like a diner, who know him but he can’t remember because it was that or him tearing the universe apart to stay with Clara?” 

“Probably leave that bit out,” Clara says, smiling. 

“… can we make a sandcastle? I haven’t done that in years.” 

“I haven’t done that in centuries,” Me says, eyes sparking as she sets her book aside, and that kind of comment should really give Bill more pause, but it doesn’t. “Clara?”

Clara doesn’t look overly keen, but groans and gets up when they do. 

“Alright!” Bill says enthusiastically. “Now, I read a whole book about sandcastle building once, so I know all the tricks. Between the three of us, we’ll have something properly amazing. You’ve just got to follow my lead.” 

“Lead away, Miss Potts,” Me says with a grin, and Bill grins back. 

[ofaylin]

⌠ BAHAR SAHIN, 19 CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, AYLIN KALELI! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (hair pulled back with a chanel ribbon, lycra boots with razor blades in the heel, champagne and french macarons in a bubble bath, wiping your tears with a $100 bill). when it’s the (leo)’s birthday on 8/3/00 they always request their FRENCH FRIES from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. 

hi, hello, i’ve been sitting on this idea for a while and i was going to wait until june but with all these new characters i just got too excited ?! so, fuck it, i’m here now, i can’t help myself. for plots, feel free to message me here on tumblr or hmu on discord @ #kati7600, but check out her intro below the cut ! // ty @gallagherintro​

INSPIRATION.

bex baxter – gallagher girls

carmen cortez – spy kids

blair waldorf – gossip girl

cher horowitz – clueless

torrance shipman – bring it on

jackie burkhart – that 70s show

BACKGROUND.

both of her parents work for the national intelligence organization of turkey, they’re big shots and they make a lot of money! she has two older sisters and she’s born into a world of wealth and expectations. it won’t take her long to learn more languages than years she has lived, and waking up early to run drills and do obstacle courses with her sisters is routine.

picture perfect on the outside, the household within goes through turmoil. her mother is promoted to the director of the NIO and it puts a strain on her parent’s relationship. her father starts taking more business trips, and aylin and her sisters spend nights sitting on the top of the stairs, listening in on phone conversations. aylin’s the youngest, so she doesn’t really understand what’s going on and needs to have it broken down. 

aylin had always LOVED her parent’s love story – they met on a mission and they were partners for years, it’s all very romantic. so the divorce leaves her confused. how could you stop loving someone? how could you just give up?

both of her parents are an active part of her life, the divorce is...fairly amicable and they share custody. the only thing aylin doesn’t like is her father’s new girlfriend, young and totally uninvolved in the world of espionage. the girl could be her sister. aylin spends her time split between two houses, half-belonging to each, but her parents feel GUILTY so aylin quickly learns how to use that guilt to get what she wants, whether it’s freedom or material goods. 

she’s a little spoiled, but it doesn’t satisfy her. nothing really does, it just makes her feel sort of empty, so she works harder, filling time with books and training with her older sisters who tell her cool stories from their spy prep schools and teach aylin things they’ve learned when they come home for breaks. aylin long for the day when she’s not splitting your time between other people’s homes and she’s in a place that she can really call her own.

she goes to the same spy prep school that her older sisters did in london. she’s competitive from the get-go because she’s a kelali and people already expect things from her to begin with. she smiles when people call her by her sister’s name or mention her mother, but inside she’s seething, eager to prove that she’s good because she works hard, not because she’s someone’s sister or daughter.

it’d be a lie to say that aylin didn’t step on a few toes, and the way she skyrocket to valedictorian is a little less than savory – she reports her competition for illicit activities, and...perhaps she planted something in their locker idk!!! 

she has her pick of spy prep colleges across the nation, but her mom really encourages her to choose gallagher. why? that’s weird, her mom never went there and neither does the rest of her family! but aylin really likes the idea of a place that’s all hers and she’s always wanted to see america, so she chooses it. she’s a bit smug about being ahead of others because she’s been reading books on espionage since age 4, and if you don’t know sixteen languages, stay out of her way. 

PERSONALITY:

PROUD. aylin is a very proud person, she grew up in an affluent household with important parents. when faced with a challenge, it’s her pride that tends to motivate her to be the best because she feels like she has something to prove, and she’ll turn her nose up at you until she gets it. this also makes her stubborn.

INTELLIGENT. aylin was raised in an environment where she was being trained since her childhood, knowing about espionage since she could speak, but she also has an iq of 122, so not quite genius level but she’s getting there. she’s the head cheerleader type that you’d be surprised is actually really good at math.

HARD-WORKING. queen of taking on too many extracurriculars at all times! honestly she tends to overexert herself until she burns out, but she wants it all – the exciting social life, the straight As, the meaningful connections, the parties, when does she sleep? maybe never.

SNOBBISH. honestly, she doesn’t mean to come off as a snob but she definitely does because she hasn’t really known anything other than crystal dishware and fancy clothes. she doesn’t even comprehend that other people don’t come from the same place of privilege that she has.

FUN-LOVING. the girl you want to party with! just because she’s a good student, she wouldn’t want you to think that she doesn’t know how to have a good time. aylin operates in extremes, so she parties just as hard as she studies and has a tendency to get carried away, but let it be known that she’s doing this for herself and not for anyone else’s attention.

MANIPULATIVE. aylin will step on toes to get what she wants, and she’s not scared to fight dirty. she tends to stay in the lines of what’s legal of course, but if she sees a window into getting what she wants, she’ll say what she needs to in order to get it. honestly, she can be a bit callous with the way she uses people and doesn’t always understand the effects of her actions. she would tell you that the ends justify the means. yikes.

INDEPENDENT. doesn’t need you or anyone else and wants you to know it. her confidence is genuine and real, and she doesn’t attribute any of her accomplishments to her family name – she’s not insecure about it, she knows that she’s good at what she does.  

HEADCANONS.

started school early, so she’s a bit young for her grade by a year. she sees this as a positive thing and will brag to you about how she’s younger AND smarter. annoying.

acts like she really likes healthy food and eats a salad in public ( will tell you that’s her favorite food ) but she’s weak for things that are greasy and fried and will be pigging out in secret. her favorite food is french fries but you probably wouldn’t guess that about her ! 

languages she knows: english, french, turkish, arabic, german, kurmanji, italian, dutch, spanish, mandarin, japanese, latin, hindustani, malay, russian, bengali. some are better than others and some she reads more than she can really speak. 

taught herself to skateboard since coming to america since it seemed like the thing to do based on watching american films. she will ride her little penny board in high heels and loves it ! and you thought i couldn’t make her more annoying !

tons of expensive lingerie but u can look but don’t touch. 

bisexual but still not interested in you. 

leo with a virgo rising and cancer moon. i am so SORRY ! 

WANTED CONNECTIONS. 

SERENA TO HER BLAIR. literally her best friend ever, but they probably have a sort of on-off friendship because they’re strong personalities and get in each other’s business. however, when it comes down to it, they’ll always put the other first and they love each other immensely, would kill a man for the other. but they’re also pretty competitive too. 

GIRL SQUAD. i just want her to have a couple close girl friends that are all close...you know. i would love if one of them was more subdued and totally chill about everything, maybe a wallflower type, and then another that’s kind of nerdy ? but also cool, you know. i’m just dreaming. 

EX/BESTIE. aylin and this person used to date like forever ago, but mutually decided that they made better friends than romantic partners. they care about each other a lot, and they probably make jokes about how they USED to date. a healthy ex connection basically !

ON/OFF THING. because for every healthy ex i also want something kind of toxic. essentially it’s not good for either of them and they just keep going back to each other because, well, it’s a place of comfort or whatever. they drive each other fucking crazy though and no one can keep up with whether they hate each other’s guts today or if they’re all heart eyes.

SWORN ENEMY. but for a justified reason, like aylin probably screwed them over for something academic or even in a campus club or something. if your character went to a spy prep school, maybe they’re the person that aylin screwed out of the valedictorian role ? might submit a WC for that cause. fun.  

PROJECT. like my fair lady, be aylin’s eliza doolittle, let her she’s the man you, whatever. essentially, your character might by shy, nervous, or new to the spy world and aylin wants to give them a metaphoric ( or maybe even physical ! ) makeover and help them get acclimated, teach them the ways of the world. i’m also picturing that pic of the lesbians, u know what i mean. i can’t find it, but i google searched “girl doing the other girls makeup, gay” 

FORBIDDEN FRIENDSHIPS/LOVE. idk something totally not allowed. if this was sooner i’d want her ass to have a crush on a witness protection kid. however, her parents work for the turkish NIO, so perhaps your muse’s parents or family have been involved in something rivaling that so they’re not supposed to get along. 

MARRIED COUPLE FRIENDS. these are friends that are so close that they’re practically a married couple?? i’d love to do a platonic m/f thing with this, where they fight and get on to each other like they’re married but love each other like it too. lil grandparents of their friend group.

CRUSHER. someone who has a crush on her, probably because they’re fascinated with the idea of her and not her true problematic self. she’d probably be kinda rude to them and i’d love to plot this out long enough for that crush to turn to dislike once they recognize the selfish parts of her or notice she’s been making fun of them. maybe a flipped scenario.

ONE NIGHT STAND. maybe after a few too many drinks, they hooked up. something recent so we can make it super awkward and potentially funny. 

SET-UP. your character’s parents are close friend’s with aylin’s and they’re trying to set aylin up with your character. aylin and your character are NOT compatible at all and it’s hilarious. 

OVERSEAS. they met while they were both abroad together one summer, and they accidentally got into some trouble with international police maybe just for being too drunk on the streets or acting stupid, climbing stuff. aylin considers your character a liability and has avoided them since, disregarding the fun times they had.

RIVALS/ENEMIES WITH SEXUAL TENSION.

EXISTING CONNECTIONS.

NAZ FARHI. her cousin. the two of them don’t NOT get along...but aylin really thought she would come to a school and be the only one of her family members there and then naz showed up ! determined to make it clear that she’s the best. 

JO TRAN. rival/dislike. took one of the upper-level courses because she could and her attitude got on jo’s nerves because what doesn’t get on jo’s nerves. aylin’s just the epitome of everything that pisses jo off. 

KASSANDRA SUTTON. bad friend to. one of those friendships where one person takes more than they give, and it’s not ON PURPOSE, but kass is really just so easy to take advantage of, aylin’s ALWAYS running to her when she needs a favor. 

[deadgwen]

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias  @jiilys  MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU. 

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE 

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N  G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”  

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE 

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH. 

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die  we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM  LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but. 

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT 

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME 

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE 

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON  BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME 

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED* 

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*

[anythingunderthefullmoon]

My Chart meaning in full

Natal Chart ReportBirth Chart This birth chart report shows the positions of the planets for Sonya . The Sun represents vitality, a sense of individuality and outward-shining creative energy. Sun in Libra Libra natives are generally thought to be sociable, somewhat intellectual souls. They have an almost innocent way about them that makes them very approachable. Generally quite eager to cooperate, Librans spend a lot of their time trying not to rock the boat. In theory, Libras are peace-loving. In practice, they can quietly stir up all sorts of trouble with their ways. Because Libra enjoys balance in their lives, they seek the middle ground. In the process, they may end up trying to be everything to everyone. This is where their reputation for untruthfulness comes from. Generally, their untruths spring from a true desire for peace and fairness--although they may not be comfortable with direct and malicious trickery, they feel totally justified when they lie in order to avoid making waves. Peace at any price! In this sense, they seem harmless. But, what can result is quite a ruckus! People involved with Libras may crib about their lack of directness and their apparent inability to take a stand. Librans are experts at avoiding being the one to blame. When confronted, they'll (calmly and reasonably) say, "What, me? No, I just want peace." "On the fence", "middle ground", "middle road" -- these are all expressions that we can safely associate with Libra. Some more powerful signs may consider Libra a little on the weak side. This is all a matter of opinion, however! Without Libra, life simply wouldn't be as fair. Librans are known for comparing and thinking in relative terms, instead of in absolutes. This weekend is not just a good weekend, it's better than last weekend. These people are always looking for the "best" way or the "right" way to live. Harmony is the ultimate goal, but their idealism and high expectations can mean plenty of discontent. Since life presents all of us with an extraordinary amount of choices, if Libra doesn't learn to live in the moment at least some of the time, they'll be in a constant state of unrest. Society needs rules, and these rules attempt to bring justice, equality, and fairness. On an individual level, Libra represents these laws of civilization. Libra comes across as very civilized and rather refined. She has a great need to be part of a group. She likes to mix with people and looks for partnerships. She likes and respects justice. She approves of society's values. She is level-headed and assimilates quickly. Weaknesses: does not think enough, she is frivolous. A dilettante in love. She is easily swayed by group pressure.Libra ascendant Gemini Sun in V You want to be noticed for your unique and special qualities and your creativity. You are happiest when you are expressing yourself in a special way and attention comes your way as a result. You have a flair for drama and/or sports. You are proud of your fun-loving attitude towards life. As you demonstrate your ability to shine, avoid grabbing center stage all of the time. Your happy disposition is enough to get noticed, but do find creative ways to express yourself, as this is the path to true happiness for you. 42 Conjunction Sun - Mercury Because your ego and your mind are aligned, you possess much mental energy. You are always in a position to think about what you want, and in many ways, this is an interruption of the will. You are highly intelligent with a great drive to communicate with other. You invest a lot of pride in your intellectual capacities. You may not always listen as well as you speak, however! You might be too busy thinking about what to say next. But you are very curious and although you enjoy expressing yourself, you usually don't dominate conversations completely. As far as studying or learning goes, you are better off reading the material than listening to a teacher. These traits come from a strong need to take an active role in communications. It is very hard for you to passively listen and absorb information. Your opinions are usually strong and you are an independent thinker. You tend to be proud of your opinions and thoughts, and might easily get a bruised ego if you are not "heard", if your opinions are pushed aside or ignored, or if your opinions are criticized. You are expressive and possibly a very animated speaker. You are also very witty and others enjoy your playful and sometimes mischievous sense of humor. -11 Square Sun - Neptune You have a desire to be something special or to experience something more than the ordinary. You are a day-dreamer and idealist. It is easy for you to trust others, even (and perhaps especially) people who might seem from the outside looking in as unsavory types. You are looking to identify with something beyond what is normally expected of people. You may have had a childhood that didn't help you direct or define your life. Perhaps the early family life was lacking in supervision or clearly defined rules. A father figure may have been absent or distant and ineffective. You may have a glorified image of your father. Whether the image is very positive or very negative (or if it swings between these extremes), the image is not very clear or rational. Whatever the case may be, you struggle with defining who you are. You might gravitate towards the "wrong people", or get in with the "wrong crowd" in an attempt to define who you are. You might be susceptible to being taken advantage of by others, especially by men or authority figures. You may be easily led astray by peculiar desires or self-destructive habits. In order to add a greater-than-ordinary dimension of experience to your life that helps you to feel special and important, you might be attracted to Neptune-ruled behaviors, such as secret affairs, drugs, or other escapist behaviors. In some way, you may feel a strong urge to glamorize your role in the world. There can be some confusion about the past (such as remembering childhood experiences in ways that are far removed from reality), and a tendency to daydream about being someone more "important" than you feel you are. You may struggle with early conditioning that made you feel tossed aside or neglected in some way, and certainly not directed or supported. You are very sensitive, especially with regards to any real or imagined blows to your ego. If the natal chart shows a strong sense of reality and a robust mind (Mercury and Saturn well-placed, for example), the negative interpretations of this aspect are less extreme. Still, you are likely to recognize at some point in your life that you have a tendency to engage in escapist and self-destructive fantasies and/or habits. It is useful to be able to connect these behaviors with their probable source, which is likely to be a weakly-defined ego and identity in childhood. The Moon represents the emotional responses, unconscious pre-destination, and the self-image. Moon in Virgo Lunar Virgos find security in the little things in life. They feel most content when they've straightened out all the details of everyday life. Many of them enjoy running errands, paying bills, and balancing the books. They take care of these things happily, although some won't let on. In fact, many Lunar Virgos are quite practiced at nagging and complaining. As long as they are appreciated, however, these people will help you take care of your life, too. They are at their best when they feel useful and needed. If somebody needs help, they are generally the first to jump up and take on the task. Some people with Virgo Moons are accused of being underachievers. While it may be true that Lunar Virgos can lack self-confidence, many are--quite simply--content with living "regular", unassuming lives. They appreciate simplicity, and are often most comfortable when they're not getting too much attention from the world at large. Lunar Virgos are easily overwhelmed by pressure and stress. They worry incessantly when there is too much to think about; and they know their limits. Arguably the worst position for a Lunar Virgo is without a steady routine or a simply satisfying job. They need to feel useful, and they best express this by helping others in little ways. They need something to call their own, and the space to do what they want to do. The unhappy Lunar Virgos are fussy and complaining sorts. They are victims of routine and freak out when their plans are not followed. They are restless and nervous, and can't seem to see the big picture. Probably the best remedy for these people is a job or hobby in which they can express their deep need to analyze, attend to details, and micromanage. These people express their affection for the people they care about in little, but practical, ways. They can be a little stiff when it comes to open, gushy displays of affection. Lunar Virgos are often shy with new people. However, when they are comfortable, they are anything but shy. More often than not, others can count on Moon in Virgo people. They are reliable and trustworthy. Above all else, Lunar Virgos are practical. Others turn to them for help and advice. In relationships, Lunar Virgos can be self-effacing and kind. Some are quite shy in love, and easily intimidated on a sexual level. Many are not very comfortable with their sexuality, but they aim to please nonetheless. The sign of Virgo is very body-aware, in general. If this awareness combines with a lack of self-confidence, Lunar Virgos can be too aware of the parts that make up the whole. This can lead to a tendency to be intensely self-critical. Once Lunar Virgos learn to come out of their shell, however, they can be earthy partners with a lot to give. Some of the most skeptical people are Lunar Virgos. They can't help but poke holes when faced with others' blind faith. Their criticism can be maddening, and their insistence on seeing the practical in anything emotional can be challenging, especially if you are the dreamy type. Virgo curiosity shows up big time with this position of the Moon. To some, it can be confusing. Lunar Virgos seem very interested in others' problems, for example, but can be quite cool and even unsympathetic in the long run. Their advice can seem hard to more sensitive folk; yet Lunar Virgos can be surprisingly delicate when faced with others' criticism. Virgo Moon people are generally busy and quietly happy when they have their lives under control. They aim for a simple existence, and are often quite content with very little. Many are early risers, ready to take on the day with enthusiasm. They scurry around, keeping busy and managing their life quietly and expertly. As long as their little world is manageable, Lunar Virgos can be a delight to be around. Short description: She has a very good memory. Scientific or medical studies preferred above all others. She is humble and moderate, calm and reserved. Emotional discipline. She is willing to help, devoted and gentle. Weaknesses: servile nature, frequent changes of occupation, gets annoyed, upset, worries. She is too shy. Moon in III Highly imaginative, but has difficulty in concentrating. She fantasizes frequently. Important studies, moves around a lot and travels frequently. You are very responsive, communicative, and curious. You can have a talent for imitating others and/or for picking up languages. You might either intellectualize your emotions rather than truly feel them and deal with them, or you communicate with excessive emotion. Some of you may do both at different times, and as you mature and develop, you learn to find a balance. Your opinions and ideas change often, and you might find that sometimes you adopt others' points of view and express their ideas as if they were your own. This is not necessarily because you are a copy-cat, but because you sometimes fail to own your own thoughts, and you are so very sensitive to others' opinions. You might be quite nervous and restless, requiring frequent changes of scenery, even if the movement or travel takes place locally. 313 Conjunction Moon - Venus You are generally amiable and project a soft and yielding manner. You possess natural charm and you are highly imaginative and sympathetic. You can make an excellent mediator and go-between. You are keenly aware of your need for relationships and for intimacy. You have a well-developed respect for qualities typically associated with the feminine. People appreciate you for your tender heart and friendly, diplomatic disposition. You should enjoy a good measure of personal popularity and success in your life. Although generally considered "lucky" with relationships and with money, this is less about luck than it is about a certain level of inner peace and positive energy that attracts pleasant situations. At times you can be complacent, downright lazy, and over-indulgent in the "pleasures" of life. However, you are a peace-maker at heart and have an unusual ability to help and heal others. You are gracious and warm. -60 Square Moon - Jupiter She is sometimes indifferent to others, to those who surround her: she is, without thinking, negligent and indecisive. She may "feed" inner restlessness with excesses in gambling, shopping, or other comforts, and her honesty is sometimes a bit elastic. This aspect does not help professional success, especially as she tends to spend more than she earns. Sometimes enthusiastic and gung-ho, and other times indifferent, it can be challenging for others to understand her. Needs to find constructive avenues for her inner restlessness. 5 Trine Moon - Neptune Positive aspect: She is kind and sympathetic, with a strongly compassionate nature. When in love, she is usually very devoted. In fact, she is devoted by nature, not only in matters of the heart. There is an unmistakably compassionate and understanding side to her nature. She has a natural affinity to music. While everyone enjoys music, people with Moon in harmonious aspect to Neptune respond to music as a vehicle to heal, relax, and to uplift the soul. Naturally perceptive, without even trying she tunes into the feelings of others, and the mood of her surroundings. There is a distinct emotional need to escape into the world of imagination, and to withdraw from others at times when she needs to re-center herself, largely because she tends to "take in" a lot of mixed energies from her surroundings. Strong and sudden "feelings" and hunches can overcome her. More often than not, her intuition is correct, although her imagination is also powerful and she can read too much into a situation as a result. Some laziness is associated with this position. This stems from a natural timidity and sensitivity that is apparent from youth. She may have been labeled "shy" in youth, and family members or friends may have jumped in to "save" her from situations that required boldness or aggressiveness. Thus, passivity was accepted and, as adults, she may be less experienced than most when it comes to reaching out or going after what she wants. Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit. Mercury in Libra Usually quite diplomatic and tactful, she evaluates and weighs things up endlessly, often to the point of indecisiveness. Of good judgment, she expresses herself clearly. Before coming to an opinion on a subject, she listens to the opinions offered by various people and can compare them before making up her own mind. Mental affinity in her relationships is paramount. She is good at compromising and always tries to put herself in others' shoes. Some mental laziness. Mercury in V Taste for intellectual games, sports that require skill and finesse. She is very curious about everything, even in love. She likes children. You tend to use your voice, whether written or spoken, as a means of creative self-expression. You can be witty and humorous, an engaging communicator, and a fun friend. You love playing games, especially ones that employ your intellect. You love tricks, jokes, plays on words, and mimicry. You might be skilled at impersonations. Some of you could be clever at lying. You might have a tendency to promise more than you can deliver, or overstate your case. In some way, you are very entertaining with the spoken and/or written word. Communication and intellectual rapport is most attractive to you when it comes to romance. In some cases, this can indicate more than one lover at once. Curiosity can be a strong motivator for making social and romantic contact. You might also take much pride in your children's intellectual abilities and talents. You would make a good teacher, as you are very curious about how people learn and can come up with many ideas that allow you to teach others creatively. 73 Sextile Mercury - Saturn She is or strives to be mentally organized. She is able to study, concentrate, and focus, and often has the patience to work towards a goal slowly but surely. She takes time to get communications "just so" and tends to prefer step by step directions. Respects tradition and rules. 52 Sextile Mercury - Uranus She is perspicacious, ingenious: she binds intelligence and originality together with genius. She likes literature, especially fiction. She is spontaneous in her friendships and knows how to take advantage of the situations that arise. 66 Trine Mercury - Ascendant She is intelligent, with quick and lively reflexes. She is preoccupied by her circle, likes to exchange ideas with her friends, but also with strangers. Of an open nature, she goes out to others. Venus represents an interest for emotions and values, exchange and sharing with others. Venus in Virgo Venus in Virgo people are not the flirtatious sort. Instead, their appeal lies in their dedication, their willingness to work on the relationship, and to make the relationship work in real terms. Unlike Venus in Leo, they won't try to impress you with grand gifts or promises. Their gifts are less showy, but perhaps far more generous -- gifts of devotion and attention to details about you. Venus in Virgo men and women quietly (and often slowly) make their way into your heart. They are quite sensitive in love -- even insecure -- and this reserved, loner-like quality is part of their appeal. They prefer to play it safe in their relationships, and they need to be confident that you like them before they make a move. They are great listeners and they make it a habit to observe and learn all of your ins and outs. Their love can be of the Kindergarten variety -- they show they care by nagging or criticizing. Remember, though, that they are not trying to hurt you when they are pointing out the flaws in your thinking, plans, or even character. They truly are trying to help! Venus in Virgo is attracted to nondescript people who have largely gone unnoticed. Show-offs and know-it-alls turn them off. Pleasing Venus in Virgo involves showing you appreciate them for all the little things they do -- and they do a lot. The problem is, they do these things so quietly that you may not always notice or credit them for all these kind gestures. They do need some space (after all, they're generally quite busy making everything work), so give it to them. Be genuine, not ostentatious. They are really not difficult to please after you have taken care of these basic needs. Avoid pushing your friends or family on them too fast -- remember they are a little shy. They aim to please, and are easily intimidated by your experiences. Let them know how much you value them, and they will reward you with devotion and a charming willingness to talk things out. Short description: She is very devoted, does not show emotions: she and doesn't always let herself go, either through fear of ridicule or through fear of not being loved in return as much as she loves. She is therefore sometimes too undemonstrative. May give off the sense that her love is not for free. Caring but worries that she is not exciting enough. Careful with money. Venus in III Likes everything that is beautiful, likes decorum. Outstanding intelligence. She may work in a trade linked to beauty, fashion. Numerous select friends. You are verbally expressive, diplomatic, and aim to be tactful. You easily win others over with your words, whether it's because of a likeable facility with language, a beautiful voice, or a diplomatic use of words. You readily give out compliments. Some of you might use flattery to your own benefit at the risk of being ingenuine. You are generally a very good mediator, aiming to settle arguments quickly and restoring at least temporary peace. You have a mischievous side, however, and your desire to be tactful and polite with others doesn't always succeed. Some of you might engage in a lot of mind games, and others might eventually find out that you don't always mean what you say or say what you mean! You value mental stimulation and frequent changes of scenery in your love relationships. -27 Square Venus - Jupiter She is nonchalant, pretentious, full of self-importance. She likes what is beautiful and sometimes ostentatious, and spends lots of money for the sake of appearances. She likes to please and has numerous amorous adventures. She is unfaithful and undergoes tribulations in love. 4 Trine Venus - Neptune Her professional life is unstable. She has a taste for the Arts, is a dreamer, is easily influenced and romantic. She is emotional and very sensitive. Romantic, creative, gentle, and adaptable, you naturally express the finer qualities of mysterious and dreamy Neptune in your love relationships. Your imagination is rich and your fantasy world well-developed. You are turned off by rudeness and crudeness, and are drawn to beauty in its many forms. You are very giving and generous, but may be a little on the submissive side, or sometimes downright lazy, failing to take the initiative when situations call for it. Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy. Mars in Aries This is a very impulsive position of Mars. The first instinct for Mars in Aries people is to take action. Quick flare-ups characterize the Mars in Aries character, but their anger usually doesn't last for too long. In fact, these people generally don't live in the past, and are not given to holding grudges or feeling resentful. Generally, their temper comes quickly, and they deal with anger on issues right away--with this kind of character, there is little room for festering. When Mars in Aries people listen to their instincts, they generally get things done, and they make fast and (usually) decent decisions. They don't naturally stop to smell the roses--or consider others' point of view--when they are deliberating over what to do next. In fact, "deliberation" works at lightning speed for these natives, so they could hardly be called deliberate. Spontaneity is one of their assets; as are simplicity, purity of action, and innovation. Mars in Aries natives are often a step ahead of the rest of us. A life that is too predictable makes them antsy. Mars in Aries people enjoy starting fresh--new ideas, pioneering action, and fresh projects make them happiest. They generally enjoy challenges. Relationships with these natives can be exciting, but keeping up with them can be difficult. They are given to impulsive action, and they are not known for sticking things through. Although their physical energy is great, they can lose their initial enthusiasm quickly. Mars in Aries natives are easily irritated by indirectness from others. They expect others to say things straight--no beating around the bush. They easily become impatient with convoluted plans, or with people they consider to be slow to action. Most people with this position of Mars have a childlike quality to them. Sometimes they're downright rude and impatient, but with Mars in Aries natives, you generally know what they're after. Unless Mars is afflicted in the chart, you can also pretty much trust that they don't have hidden agendas. Mars in X She devotes lots of energy to work, which continues till a great age. She is a dedicated worker, not afraid of getting down to it. She improves her living conditions. She can complete long-term tasks. She is easily excitable, gets upset and in the same vein criticizes even herself. 110 Sextile Mars - Jupiter She has a good sense of organization, she is jovial, frank and sincere. She is full of dynamism and over-abundant energy. She loves life and takes all it has to offer. She likes sports and the outdoor life. She is successful professionally and emotionally. She usually has lots of children. She is honest and forthright in her dealings with others, and she tends to trust others readily. She can be a bit careless about spending money, however, and this is probably because she is so eternally optimistic that there will always be plenty around. The possibility of failure does not enter her mind, although success itself is not that important to her. -44 Square Mars - Saturn She is only interested in doing something if there are problems attached: once these are solved, she goes on to something else which has complications. She likes to overcome obstacles, is tough, does not have too many feelings, especially in business. She is egoistic, violent and stubborn. She does not always make friends. -46 Square Mars - Uranus She is full of contradictions. She is original, tending to the eccentric, violent, headstrong, impatient and irascible. She fights to the bitter end to overcome hurdles, and has the strength to overcome them. -48 Square Mars - Neptune This is a challenging position, as you have difficulty trusting in your ability to go after things that you want in a direct manner. It may also be that you have difficulty pinpointing what it is that you want, or that part of you doesn't feel you deserve it due to a basic lack of self-confidence. You fear rejection as well as criticism, and often use roundabout means to go after what you want. Your imagination is so powerful that it can be hard to trust your instincts. You easily imagine things going wrong, just as you easily fantasize about good things! Your desire nature is strong yet also very suggestible. You're attracted to mysteries and intrigue. Sexual experimentation is likely, as you are forever addicted to sensuality and unusual or perhaps even what many would consider perverted sexual scenarios. However, your sensual appetite might be much like a bottomless pit, and you could find yourself forever in a state of wanting more, tiring of regular sexual scenarios quickly, and endlessly searching for the next sensation. If an addiction to fantasy is present, you can find yourself constantly chasing a new and more complicated fantasy. It is only when you get into touch with your heart and discover your true desires that you realize that sensations are merely sensations--not deeply satisfying or fulfilling. \r\nFears of sexual inadequacy can be great with this position, and you may either deny yourself as a result, or overcompensate, seeking out experiences in which you are pretty much assured positive feedback. Some of you will experience both of these extremes in your lifetime. Although you can be very creative at keeping your motives and personal agenda hidden--in fact, many of you seem on the surface of things to be quite gentle and yielding--you might eventually become resentful if you feel the need to resort to sneakiness in order to get what you want out of life. If you do feel resentment for giving up your power to someone else, learn to avoid giving it up unless you truly understand that you are doing it for yourself, and not for someone else. Resentments have a way of building and distorting themselves into ugly matter if you don't deal with them properly and directly. You are often passive-aggressive in your approach to others, and this can cause a lot of problems in your life. You are usually found chasing a dream... or a fantasy. The former is probably the better path. \r\nAdopting a more direct and assertive approach to life is something that you should be working towards. You will need to get over your feelings of guilt when you do adopt this approach. Learning to take responsibility for your actions, and to avoid blaming others for failures, is important. At your worst, you can be disorganized in your approach to life, easily procrastinating and lacking follow-through when you do begin a task. Some of the most important lessons you need to learn in life are self-control, self-assertion, and trust in yourself. At your best, you are a creative person with a powerful imagination and great stores of compassion. \r\nJupiter represents expansion and grace. Jupiter in Gemini She attracts the most good fortune when she uses her wit and ingeniousness, is versatile, sociable, curious, and puts others at ease with friendliness and sincere curiosity. Values the intellect and sees opportunities to grow and succeed through intellectual, verbal, and written channels. Believes that intelligence and knowledge is the key to solving problems. Jupiter in XII She is kindly, and does charity work. She is protected from life's rigors to which she is not immune, but she knows how to cope. She likes working in peace and alone. Saturn represents contraction and effort. Saturn in Sagittarius She has her own way of thinking about a subject, she has her own ideas about things. She respects society and its rules guide her conduct. Weaknesses: hard, unforgiving, rigorous, insensitive and sometimes inhuman. A limited and narrow mind. Saturn in VII She takes one-to-one relationships very seriously - so seriously that she may never marry or marry late. Relationships, marriage may not be fruitful or may be felt to be burdens if Saturn is afflicted. A strong sense of responsibility towards partner. Partner may be serious, mature, or restrictive. She marries fairly late but her feelings are sincere and stable. She is persevering, methodical and persistent, which brings professional success. 269 Conjunction Saturn - Uranus She knows how to be on top of the situation. She perseveres, is determined but ingenious and original. She is very practical. She proceeds slowly, but is always bound to achieve her objectives in the end. -40 Opposition Saturn - Ascendant Her life is difficult and cramped. She is a worker, but success takes time in coming. She has problems in being open. She accepts solitude, rather than looks for it. Family problems. Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty. Uranus in Sagittarius She is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively. Uranus in VII Her independence does not tolerate traditional marriage very well. If she does marry, she has little chance of finishing her days with the spouse, unless the partner gives her complete freedom. You need a lot of freedom in your partnerships and do best in unconventional or nontraditional set-ups. You are likely to attract unusual, erratic people into your life, particularly in close relationships. -27 Opposition Uranus - Ascendant She is inconstant, lacks control and is nervous. Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty. Neptune in Capricorn She is discerning, wise and sensible. Neptune in VII Marries for love, to show the depth of her passion, but may have a troubled conjugal life. 32 Sextile Neptune - Pluto Pluto represents transformations, mutations and elimination. Pluto in Scorpio Great sexual activity. 6 Sextile Pluto - Lilith She will lead a double life. She will have a secret love affair which she will enjoy to the full, while having a perfect relationship with her partner. House I is the area of self identity. The ascendant is a symbol of how one acts in life. It is the image of the personality as seen by others, and the attitude that one has towards life. Libra ascendant Gemini Ascendant in Gemini Those born with Gemini rising see the world as a place to learn. They are curious about the people around them. Sounds similar to Sagittarius rising? Well it is, but there are some important differences. While Sagittarius seeks to expand their mental and physical horizons in a broad sense, Gemini is mostly interested in moving about in their social circles. These are people who love to ask questions, to move around freely, and to mingle. Definitely restless and often quick in physical expression, natives of the Gemini Ascendant exude an air of impatience even if they don't mean it. In fact, there is a cleverness to Gemini Ascendants that can intimidate some, especially sensitive folk. Their facility with words can be a wonderful asset, although sometimes Gemini rising individuals identify too much with their mental agility and forget, in their personal interactions and communications, to nurture the people around them. A certain lack of warmth in presentation can be the result, and although this style is generally a facade, it is not immediately apparent to most. People with, for example, predominant Water signs may feel a little ill at ease with Gemini rising people (that is, before they get to know them more personally), while strong Air types more fully appreciate the fun and cleverness of these individuals. I have found two styles of presentation most common with Gemini rising people. One style is bubbly, changeable, talkative, and a little quirky. These natives are interesting and fun. They constantly explain things, whether it's their own behavior and opinion or those of the world around them. Another distinct "style" is a rather cool and intellectual demeanor. These natives are often quite witty and clever, but they present themselves in a less cheerful and changeable way than the first group. Their observations are sharp and the overall manner is a tad brusque. No matter the style, Gemini rising natives are given to analysis and making sense of their world. Their powers of observation are well-developed, they are mentally active (more often than not, their minds are racing!), and they almost always have something bright or witty to say. It is easy for individuals with this position to get sidetracked, as their curiosity is large, their minds are quick, and their attention spans rather short! As children, natives born with a Gemini Ascendant are often labeled as the intellectual, inquisitive, and perhaps odd child. Many feel their upbringing lacked some warmth. In one-to-one relationships, Gemini rising people often seek a certain amount of personal freedom and space. They enjoy intellectual debates and exchanging ideas. Although they often demand a fair amount of freedom, they are often just as willing to give their partners room to breathe. House II is the area of material security and values. It rules money and personal finances, sense of self-worth and basic values, personal possessions. House II in Cancer Cancer is a fruitful sign to have on a money house. She can rely on sound instincts to acquire and save money. Very good money sense, although financial fluctuations may be frequent in her life. She can use her keen ability to hone in on what the public wants and needs, and benefit financially. She may be a hoarder, but certainly assigns much sentimental meaning to personal possessions. House III is the area of social and intellectual learning. House III in Leo Somewhat opinionated in speech. Keenly interested in education, and a good teacher. Proud of siblings and tells countless stories about growing up. She is a very good organizer. Everything is carefully studied, explained and swiftly executed. House IV is the area of home, family, roots, and deep emotions/sense of self-worth. House IV in Virgo Makes a good mother, watching over her children, spending the night in an armchair near a sick child, caring for and calming him/her with patience. Knows how to look after her home perfectly, how to iron out difficulties by her practical sense and thanks to her intelligence. House V is the area of creative self-expression, romance, entertainment, children, and gambling. House V in Libra She is delicate and full of good manners, with a taste for luxury: her friends are the same - refined with very good jobs. Will want to marry (and not just live with the partner). House VI is the area of learning by material transaction. House VI in Scorpio Likes risky professions. Weak point: the genital area. House VII is the area of one-to-one relationships such as marriage and partnership, and of social and intellectual action. House VII in Sagittarius Either marriage with a foreigner, or a marriage abroad, or marriage with a foreigner abroad. House VIII is the area of emotional security and of security of the soul. House VIII in Capricorn Natural death in very old age. Inheritances. House IX is the area of learning that shapes the identity. House IX in Aquarius Goes into one of the professions, is innovative and original. Likes travel, communicating with different people. Long research. House X is the area of material action. The Mid-heaven represents the work one will do in his life, the place one will take in the world of society. It becomes more important as one grows older House X in Pisces Professional success in solitary professions. Archivist, librarian, historian etc... House XI is the area of search for social and intellectual security. House XI in Aries Likes to be surrounded by friends full of vigor, solid, spirited. Carries out everything she undertakes. House XII is the area of education and of emotion. House XII in Taurus Business affairs will have their highs and lows, financial loss can be heavy.

[josephkitchen0]

The Endangered Large Black Pig

Native to Cornwall, Somerset, and Devon in England, the Large Black pig is often referred to as the “dog” among pig breeds. This is because of it’s docile, friendly nature. Large, floppy ears which cover their gentle eyes denote their original name of “Lop Eared Black.”

If you’re looking to produce your own pork, this breed is top choice, we think. The Large Black pig is known for its large size and  ability to thrive on pasture and foraging. During the late 1800s, the Large Black pig was one of the most popular among English breeds. In 1898, they had their own association formed.

In the 1920s their popularity was at its peak. They had been exported to many European countries, but also to Australia, South America, New Zealand, Africa, and the United States. The quality of meat, ease of rearing, and friendly nature made them desirable to pig farmers.

With the industrialization of pig farming following WWII, raising heritage pig breeds met with a sudden decline. Heritage breeds don’t do well on just commercial feed or in confined spaces. This meant they weren’t suitable for the commercial pig farmer.

Because of this, the Large Black pig became nearly extinct in the 1960s. Even today, it’s one of the rarest of what are known as the “British breeds.” It wasn’t until 1973 this breed was put on the Critically Endangered breed list. In 2015, the Large Black pig was moved from the Critically Endangered to Threatened status of The Livestock Conservancy.

Homesteader’s Choice

To us, the Large Black pig is perfect for the homesteader raising pigs for their own pork. They work well for those of us who practice pasture management with livestock rotation. The feed bill is small and can be nothing if you have the available pasture and forest.

Their floppy, black ears which cover their eyes, are of a practical design. Since they’re natural foragers, the ears protect the eyes from damage while they root around in the woods. Their eyesight is of course hindered by this, but they work around it.

Some people think the hindered eyesight lends to their docile nature. They’re intelligent, entertaining creatures. I can see why it would be easy to forget you raise them for food and not just for fun.

As the name would imply, they are large. The mature boar can weigh in from 700-800 pounds on average. The sow weighs in around 600-700 pounds on average. Their average hanging weight is 180-220 pounds.

As with any creature, being overweight can cause health problems. It’s kinda funny when you think about a pig having problems related to being overweight. We use the phrase, “Fat as a pig” because they are known for their size. In reality, there is an ideal weight for them to develop the best meat and health.

The Large Black pig has remarkable maternal instincts. The sows successfully farrow and wean large litters. Her piglets have such a high survival rate because of her abilities. Only the Red Wattle and the Gloucester Old Spot pig are her rivals. Watch a video of Large Black piglets.

Even though the Large Black pig remains on the Threatened list, their numbers are on the rise. Because they do so well on pasture and foraging, those producers who have seen the increasing consumer demand for pastured, non-GMO pork, are raising them once again.

Heritage breeds have the same characteristics as their ancestors. They thrive and produce the best meat only on pasture and foraging. Their unusually lean and luscious meat is altered when treated as a confined hybrid breed. The micro-marbling of their meat makes it self-basting and uniquely flavored.

One of the things I like best about the Large Black pig is their adaptability to any environment. They are equally adept at handling cold or hot climates. Their life expectancy ranges from 12-20 years. Their lifestyle, genetic disposition, and environment are contributing factors to the range.

Hogs, by nature, are suspicious and with their eyes covered by those floppy ears, it’s a good idea to talk to them and move slowly around them. I would never try to herd them by chasing. They are large and could hurt themselves, their piglets, your dog, or even cause you to be harmed inadvertently.

Raising Large Black pigs

Contrary to what you might think, raising heritage pigs isn’t hard. They don’t require special housing or constant watch care. In fact, I find them to require less of my time and attention than any other livestock.

As long as they have a pasture and forest for grazing, a place to drink, wallowing pits, and shelter to sleep, they pretty much fend for themselves. One of the best things you can do for your Large Black pigs is to be sure they are protected from predators. A good fence around your pastures and woods is a great way to keep them in and predators out. The right guard animal, like a dog, donkey, or llama is always a good idea.

Pigs, by nature, long to root around unhindered. Because they don’t know about property lines or trespassing laws they need boundaries. Even if you have a large tract of land to free range them on, without strong boundaries, they’ll follow their nose right on to neighboring land rooting and eating as they go.

If your animal gets on someone’s property and causes any harm, you’re responsible. If they’re killed on someone’s property you are responsible. Your animals are your responsibility alone. This makes homestead fencing is a must for livestock.

I watched a farm series from Britain and they showed how the stone fences were built and used by local farmers for confining livestock, especially pigs. They also taught the same thing with wattle fencing and natural hedgerows. It’s fascinating to learn to work with nature in every area of life and not at odds with it.

Electric fencing works well for pigs, as do hog panels (also known as cattle panels), barbed wire and any combination of these. You just have to remember hogs are burrowing animals so the fencing must be low to the ground and go up as high as the largest animal might be.

Feed

Pigs are omnivores so they eat plants and animals. Truthfully, pigs will eat almost anything. My Granny kept her slop bucket outside the back kitchen door. Anything the chickens or dogs didn’t get, the pigs got. I’ve read in history books people used to dispose of bodies by feeding them to the hogs.

Pigs are rooting animals. They’ll root around for all manner of insects, worms, larva, and any creepy, crawler. They eat grasses and grains, roots, fruit, almost anything. One of their favorites is acorns. Where I’m from, farmers turn their pigs to “fattening” in the fall when the acorns fall.

I was taught by Papa, you don’t have to feed pigs commercial feed. Slop and foraging are all they need. The necessary minerals are obtained from the food and dirt they get rooting around.

Commercial farmers and those who don’t raise heritage breeds will say, “You have to give a pig corn.” No, you don’t. Corn will cause your pig to fatten quickly, but they aren’t getting nutrition, just fat. This makes a nice selling weight, but  not a healthy pig and meat. Free ranging and foraging is the best way to raise natural, healthy pigs which makes the healthiest, best tasting meat.

Wallows

A wallow is a hollowed out, man-made or pig made, area with a water source. Pigs need wallows because they don’t sweat. Shady areas are often the natural places of choice for their wallows. If you provide a water source for them to bathe as well as drink, they’ll be fine.

Wallowing coats them with mud. The mud dries, acting like a shield from bugs and the sun. I know our tendency is to give our animals a bath, but pigs are the one we can leave dirty and feel good about it! The dark color of the Large Black pig offers them some natural protection from the sun, but as dark attracts heat, a wallow is necessary especially for them.

There’s an old-timer who offers her pigs a “shower”. She has an overhead sprinkler set up outside their shelter. The small pump runs on solar power. The timer turns the system on when the day gets hot and turns itself off when the sun starts down. The pigs love it! I think a regular ole garden sprinkler would work too.

Shelter

While pigs will sleep just about anywhere during the day, they like to have a clean, dry shelter to lie in at night. If you do a quick internet search, you’ll see people house their pigs in everything from elaborate pig stalls and shelters to dog houses. As long as the shelter provides protection from the elements and predators and offers them a clean dry place to lie down, they’ll be fine.

It’s important to note, proper ventilation of any pig shelter is necessary. This is no different from any other livestock housing. I just wanted to be sure I mentioned it.

My husband was averse to getting hogs because of his childhood memories of his grandfather’s pig pen. He said, “They stink too much!” My grandfather taught me if the livestock poop is a stinky problem, then I’m mismanaging.

Pigs who are confined and aren’t provided a healthy environment will smell. Any animal will. Pigs, believe it or not, are actually clean animals, as far as animal cleanliness goes. When given the choice, pigs will choose a corner of their area to be their bathroom. This is where they’ll go. All you have to do is muck out their stalls.

If free ranged, they’ll poop as they go. The elements will handle the manure. As they root and poop the soil is aerated and fertilized. This is a win-win for the pigs, the soil, and the farmer.

If you would like to learn more about Large Black pigs. I’ve included some resource links here in the article for you. If you missed them, here they are again.

The Large Black Hog Association

The Livestock Conservancy

Facebook page for Large Black Hog Association

Do you raise Large Black pigs? We’d appreciate you sharing your experience and skill with us in the comments below.

Safe and Happy Journey, Rhonda and The Pack

The Endangered Large Black Pig was originally posted by All About Chickens

[books-n-wine]

~**~ Review & Excerpt Tour for Tangled (Dark Protectors #7.8) by Rebecca Zanetti ~**~

Now that her mask has finally slipped…

Ginny O’Toole has spent a lifetime repaying her family’s debt, and she’s finally at the end of her servitude with one last job. Of course, it couldn’t be easy. After stealing the computer files that will free her once and for all, she finds herself on the run from a pissed off vampire who has never fallen for her helpless act. A deadly predator too sexy for his own good. If he doesn’t knock it off, he’s going to see just how powerful she can really be.

He won’t be satisfied until she’s completely bare.

Theo Reese had been more than irritated at the beautiful yet helpless witch he’d known a century ago, thinking she was just useless fluff who enjoyed messing with men’s heads. The second he discovers she’s a ruthless thief determined to bring down his family, his blood burns and his interest peaks, sending his true nature into hunting mode. When he finds her, and he will, she’ll understand the real meaning of helpless.

Goodreads | Amazon US * CA * UK * AU

“No more lying,” he said softly. Way too softly.

A tremble shook her that had nothing to do with fear. Her nerves flashed to fully alive, and her skin sensitized. What the hell was happening to her? Her clothes were suddenly too restrictive. She licked her lips.

His gaze tracked her tongue. Tension exploded around them, rolling through the room.

She wanted to retreat a step, but her legs wouldn’t cooperate. “Theo—”

Pressing his thumb and forefinger beneath where her jaw met her neck, he drew her toward him. “You don’t speak unless it’s the truth. Got it?”

Fury speared through her. “Think you can stop me?” She lost any hint of helplessness.

“Yes.” His gaze dropped to her mouth. “Try me.”

God. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Her mind fuzzed. No. This couldn’t happen. She knew. She just knew that being kissed by Theo Reese would change her world. Considering her world was full of intrigue, pain, and lies right now…that might not be so bad. But getting involved with him would be a disaster. Especially right now. “Release me because this is a very bad idea,” she whispered.

A muscle ticked in his jaw. “That wasn’t a lie.”

“No.” It wasn’t.

“Where’s the Benjamin file?” His gaze traveled up from her lips to her eyes.

All Saints, she could get lost in those midnight black eyes. This close, she could see different shades. Were there different shades of black? She hadn’t thought so before. Now, she could see them. Ah. Vampire eyes. Wait a minute. The vamps had tertiary eye colors that came out in times of stress or great emotion or supposedly during sex. Jared’s were just a darker black, which she’d seen once when he’d been in a fight as a kid. Chalton, the middle brother, had a deep blue that was almost black and didn’t look much different from his normal color. She only knew that because of a background file she’d read on him. There was no such background file on Theo. Unfortunately.

Theo leaned closer. “Ginny?”

“What other color are your eyes?” she blurted.

He blinked. Once and then twice. “The only way you’ll ever know that is if you’re naked.”

Naked. He said naked. She gulped down a swallow. Images of Theo sans clothing, over her, slid through her mind, down her body, and landed hard between her legs. Was it possible to faint from desire? Oh, she was a master at pretending to faint. But now, her knees actually wobbled. “How improper,” she said, fighting her hardest to keep her voice mild.

“The last thing in the world you need is proper.” His voice was even milder.

***4 ‘Trust Me’ Stars***

I always love sliding back into the world of The Realm, no matter which series, and spending time with the uber smexy dominant alpha males and the feist women who drive them crazy and Tangled fit the bill perfectly. It’s a fun, quick and smexy read that kept me turning the pages as Ginny and Theo worked all their issues out.

Theo and Ginny have known each other for a long, long time and I loved watching as they finally let down their walls and showed their true selves to one another, which only served to bring them closer together. Theo’s black and white stance actually melded quite well with Ginny’s more grayish tendencies and it was fun to see how they kept each other on their toes.

I loved spending a little time with the Reese brothers as well as The King and his queen, but I must admit that I’m already crushing on Uncle Benny and am keeping my toes crossed that we not only see more of the vampire, but that he gets his own novella or book one day.

~ Copy provided by InkSlinger PR ~

New York Times and USA Today Bestseller Rebecca Zanetti is the author of over twenty-five dark paranormals, romantic suspense, and contemporary romances. She lives in the wilds of the Pacific Northwest with her own Alpha hero, two kids, a couple of dogs, a crazy cat…and a huge extended family. She believes strongly in luck, karma, and working her butt off…and she thinks one of the best things about being an author, unlike the lawyer she used to be, is that she can let the crazy out. Her current series are: The Dark Protectors, The Maverick Montana Cowboys, and the Sin Brothers series. Upcoming series are: The Realm Enforcers and The Scorpius Syndrome.

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