#this bitch is hysterical as always

[thomascromwelll]

Jonathan Rhys Meyers as King Henry VIII in The Tudors — S02E09 'The Act of Treason'

'Do you think I'm a child, to be first whipped and then petted? If your master wants to deal with me, he must first apologise for all his ill treatment of me in the past. He must accept Queen Anne. I have nothing more to say to your master.'

+bonus: all of them in the same space? shit is about to go down.

[starryeyeddreamer21]

Characters as things I've said/heard people say

Lucifer: *gazing longingly* Ughhh I want that duck umbrella so bad but I would never use it because umbrellas are for the weak or romantic and I am neither

Alastor: That is a children's umbrella

Lucifer: SO?!?! LET ME BATHE IN MY CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE! LET ME LIVE THE CHILDHOOD I NEVER GOT! LET ME FUCKING DREAM!!!!

Alastor: Why. Are. You. Yelling

[dailykugisaki]

Day 223 | id in alt

Maki thinking some very unsorcererly things over a piece of damn cheesecake.

(Read from right to left💥)

[featherymainffins]

*Trigger warning for eating disorder talk*

I hate how whenever I eat anything my brain is like "You should kill yourself. Now." Like what's your fucking problem

[paranormeow7]

steaming hot take but there are just some things self diagnosed people just can’t talk over professionally diagnosed people about

[carcarrot]

i lied i did watch the oscars

[bucket-puns]

Racing the waves.

[celibat]

honestly the biggest sign smth was wrong with my ex was her opinion on fictional characters.... hated jackie yellow jackets, HATED skyler breaking bad, called sam spn a "whiny annoying bitch". sorry for saying two examples of weirdly strong hate of fictional women and then sam winchester.

[knifesxedge]

imagine if my medication worked to stabilize my bipolar disorder.

[everytimeiseeadragonirealize]

watched the dead boy detective agency... i don't understand why edwin is That Bitch, dude, he is not That Bitch, why is the animal kingdom literally obsessed with him, what the hell ?? what is happening ??

[butchlifeguard]

when yr having fun with yr dad but remember he doesnt respect young people or women and will never fully see you as a person

[widowshill]

I love watching Dark Shadows solely through your liveblogs…like I’ve seen just enough of the show to know some (most?) of the characters, but these situations they’re being put in sound WILD. Though I wish I could say I was surprised to hear that David joined a cult 💀

they sure do put these guys in Situations !!

[inkskinned]

how odd, to watch the creative writing exercises of angry men in the comments of instagram. you noticed it first in the comments of conventionally attractive women - but then it started appearing everywhere else, too.

a young man talks about what lunch he's packing his wife. there is a little story under it, with 300 likes, fabricated from nothing. "this is pointless. if you treat her like this, she will take the lunch to her office and fuck her boss and divorce him and take all his money."

you scroll. a young woman talks about what lunch she's packing for her husband. it is always uglier when the subject of the video is a woman, you've noticed. "you sit on camera and you smile and you are cheating with the neighbor and then you're going to lie about being sexually assaulted by your husband and -"

you stop reading. it has 567 likes.

where did this even become a thing? people making up stories in their head, disgusting long-winded assumptions about intention and sexual disgrace. the evil twin of fanfiction.

like - it's just a lie. it's a lie that they are telling, baldfaced and assumptive. the undercurrent is of course misogyny, but the trouble is that they're so fucking certain. that's what makes the hairs on the back of your neck rise. there is this pervasive, inventive desire for them to be right. that they must be right. all women are cheating, lying, gold-digging bitches. no exceptions.

in the reverse, when women say i'd rather meet a bear in the woods than a strange man - men funnel in from the sides. they defend each other with a vibrance and capacity for empathy you wish applied to like, the other half of the population. a man could be saying i absolutely did kill her and these creatures in the comments would rise up with king shit. she made it happen. they love each other to the point of this sick strange self-gaslighting, a fervent and unhinged cognitive distortion. all men are good, wonderful people. all women are terrible, conniving, seditious, annoying.

and when did it become okay to just, like... say that kind of a thing? at one point, you find yourself typing out a witty and snappy retort. why are you spending so much time fantasizing about other people babe. but as you stare at the screen, some part of you pictures this man in public, saying these things to your face. his soapbox, high and mighty. his mirrored sunglasses and his empty life: tired and lonely.

what a sad and horrible loop he's locked in. he is terrible to women, so women don't talk to him, which he uses as an excuse to act more terribly. he blames this "failure" on women, rather than on his behavior. it cannot be that he is the problem (that the solution is to just put his ego down and accept women as equals) - he begins to invent a sculpture to replace the flesh frame of each person he sees.

it isn't just a woman posing on the beach. it is now a slut with a desperate need for each person to crave her body. it isn't just a woman yelping with surprise during something upsetting. it is a hysterical, unhelpful cretin who will probably make things worse instead of better. it isn't a person.

someone's very sweet wedding vows get moderate attention on instagram. in the comments, a man says good fucking luck you'll waste your life providing while behind your back she's absolutely fucking the best man. this will be so cringe in 2 months when she walks out on you.

you think - is that what you need to be true? is that what you need to happen, for the world to make sense to you?

[apcllpsie]

— ON ACCIDENT

DEAN WINCHESTER x FEM!READ

★. 18+ CONTENT - read at your own discretion , youve been warned.

PAIRING?: Dean Winchester x Female Reader

OUTLINE: After a long day of hunting .. you, sam, and dean all head back to the motel. you & dean have some sort of tension after a incident during the hunt, and sam tries to make sure dean does something about it.

WARNING(S): smut , p : v , dirty talk , semi public sex , praise kink , strong language , use of pet names

It had been an extremely long day of hunting, you were beyond sore. And Sam was right, windigo's are a total bitch to chase. You began to slowly creep up on the windigo, when Dean followed closely right behind you. Unfortunately, Dean wasnt looking at the ground, he was looking at the girl infront of him.

"Son of a Bitch! Hes getting away!" y/n said, beginning to run after the windigo, dean followed right behind you, running after it. this windigo was fast, and could fit through tight spaces. You and dean had made it to a very tight spot, between two walls, deep down in this cavern where the windigo was keeping its victims. As you began to get in between the walls, so did Dean. And here you both were, stuck inbetween the walls. Your back on his chest. "Youve got to be kidding me. We lost him." You huffed in frustration and exhaustion. You were trying to move as best as you could, not helping Deans case.

"Y/n, stop moving." He said, embarrassed, following by a groan. "What..? Why?-" You had said, as you felt something on your back. Your face flushed red, "Im so sorry-" Dean began to repeat, over and over again. "I dont know why or how that happened-" He tried to explain, but you were in not only shock, but in embarrassment. The thing is, is that youve kinda always had a thing for Dean. I mean, he was your type. Total pretty boy, good smile, tall, flirty, knows how to talk, strong.. The list goes on. But, deep down you never thought that you would even have a chance with Dean. There was no way he had any sort of interest in you.. right?

"Dean, its okay. I wont mention it." You said, cutting off Dean. A million things were running through your mind, but you could only focus on one. "Lets get the hell out of here. I dont wanna be here anymore, we can chase after it tomorrow." Dean nodded in agreement, as they both got out of the situation together. That was definitely not something that you had on your bucket list. To get into a moment like that with Dean? As you caught up back with Sam, he noticed that both you and Dean were failing to have eye contact with eachother, let alone the fact that your guys' face was flushed red.

You guys got into the car, sitting beside Sam. You really couldnt sit next to Dean after what happened. It would really be nothing but awkward. And Sam could sense the tension. He needed to know what happened between you two. As you guys got the motel, you went to the back of the car, grabbed your bag and went straight inside. Enough time to unpack and be asleep before Dean talks to you about the situation.

"What the hell happened between you two?" Sam said, pausing in his tracks, turning around to face Dean. "Nothing, why?" He replies immediately. Nonchalant about the whole idea. "Dean, dont give me the BS, what happened between you two?" He repeats again, this time more firmly. A few seconds of silence took replacement of the voices of them when Dean replied. "When me and Y/n were chasing after the Windigo, we got.. stuck?" He says, keeping it to a bare minimum. Dean was already embarrassed about it, he just wasnt gonna show it. "Stuck.. huh.." Sam replied, "Stuck.. what do you mean?" He tilted his head, having a confused face. "She was infront of me, and we got stuck between two walls .. and i .. i uh-" He became silent again. "You.. what?" Sam already knew, he just wanted to hear Dean say it. "I got.. hard." Right after that, sam began to laugh.. hysterically.

Sam and Dean had finally came in. You were unpacked, and about to find something to eat. "I think im just gonna go to the gas station and grab something. Its just a block from here. You guys' want anything?" Y/n says, looking around at the boys who then look at eachother. "I dont want anything, but im pretty sure Dean might." He smirks to himself, with the comment. "Dude, shut up." Dean retaliated, standing up and grabbing his leather coat. "Ill go with you, dress warm, its cold out."

You put on your coat, and head out the door. Sam flashes a smirk at you and a wink at Dean. "You two dont get introuble now!" He laughed, as you began to walk down the road. Dean scoffed, walking beside you. "Im sorry, for today." He said, blurting out of nowhere. "I really didnt mean to, it really just happened in the moment, and i dont want things awkward between us.." You looked over at Dean and smiled. "Listen, its okay. I know it wasnt on purpose." Well, thats what Y/n thought. Dean laughed to himself after the comment. "What? Whats so funny?" You asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "Oh nothin, sweetheart."

That name came out of his mouth like butter, and god didnt it really heat you to your core. To hear him call you that, you just wanted to have him ALL over you. You guys got the stuff from the gas station and came back. It was a quiet trip, in the moment, your heart was racing and you most definitely wanted to take Dean somewhere you two could be alone. "Y/n?" He stops in his tracks, and turns around to look at you. "It was on purpose." He says. You were confused, but then it clicked. There it was again, that same feeling. "Why?" You ask, curious. "Because your attractive." He said, getting closer to you, he began to speak, his voice raspy, and deep. Perfectly just how you liked it. "You make me feel like that everday. You drive me insane." He says, letting it off his chest. "I need you, Y/n." Followed by a groan, he leads you to his car.

This was happening. What you thought about all the time. You got in the car, as he went around and slammed the door right behind him. He got in between your legs, kissing you roughly. He was starving, he needed you, badly. "God, you have no idea how long ive been waiting for this. All those nights, when it was you and me. I thought about bending you over then, and fucking you so rough." He said, kissing along your neck, leaving purple bruises. "Your mine now, sweetheart" Dean said, and he meant every word.

"Now, I need you to be a good girl for me. Can you do that?" He asked, looking at you in the eyes. "I can." You said, looking up at dean. "You cant cum til I tell you to. Okay sweet thing?" Hearing those names fall off his tongue was heaven. And it made you wet. "Yes sir." You said, following his order. “That’s my girl.”  He praised you in that deep rough tone you adored. He ran his fingers along your core, in a circular motion. "Im gonna stretch you out so perfectly." Dean said, as he inserted two fingers in, and curled his fingers, giving the feeling that you needed. "Thats it, keep on making noise, i want everyone to know your mine."

He took out his fingers, holding your legs open for what was gonna happen next. His pulled off his jeans, followed by his boxers. Y/n always thought about how big he was, but to now see it in person, made her mouth water. "Im gonna stretch you out realll good" Slowly beginning to insert his dick inside. A moan escaping your lips as you tried to fit him. "Oh baby, this is all you needed. You needed someone like me to come in, and stretch you out." He began to pickup the pace, his thrusts getting deeper and deeper each time. He couldnt help it, the times when the pants hugged your ass perfectly, or the times where your lips were just so kissable. He needed it to be his. He began to go rougher, the slapping and the groaning was making your head fuzzy. "Fucking you good, you cant think straight, hm?" He began to raise his voice. "This pussy was made for me, for me to stretch you out, and show you how good I can make you feel." You moaned at the feeling of his dick perfectly hitting your g-spot. He felt so good, and you needed this so bad.

"whos my good girl?" he repeated. all you could manage was moans. "fucked you so good, cant think straight, huh baby?" he said. making sure that you still were feeling good. "dean, im gonna- fuck, im gonna cum!" you stated, tears in your eyes as you began to get overstimulated. "me too baby." he replied, pacing himself as he came. followed by you right after. he pulled out, watching the cum ooze out of you. "no baby, you need to keep this in." he took his finger, pushing back inside you. now, you were beyond tired. you put your pants back on, your legs shaking. "dean, im gonna need help!" you said, he smirked, and picked you up. "cmon baby." he laughed, as you guys went into the bathroom. he cleaned you up, getting you into your comfortable clothes. laying you down, as you fell asleep in his arms. he ran his hands through your hair, holding you close. Sam pipes up and says "So, how did it go?" He says, smirking. Dean follows by a "Shut up." as he smiles and goes to sleep with you.

AUTHORS NOTE: hi! this was my first smut book, and i did a light reading over to make sure it wasn't TERRIBLY bad with spelling! feedback is always recommended <3!

[firstofficerkittycat]

#tos's persistent sexism almost makes a joke of its basic premise#sometimes it's sort of cute (if you remember the show was made in the 60s) but this episode was straight up offensive#especially as a finale#''we leave you with this final message: everyone is equal except for women''#okay fam 🤷‍♀️

i KNOW people were talking about this at the time like what are you doing. me in 1969 with a dx of hysterical neurosis watching this episode live i would not have made it

i forgot "where no man....or no ONE....has gone before" was at the end of undoscovered country not the end of tos and for a solid 5 mins was losing my mind over tyhe concept of them ending turnabout intruder like that. could u imagine

[azzayofchaos]

In False’s description for the MailDemon Au you said Ren has multiple partners. Can I ask you they are?

Big Surprise I’m sure, is DocM and Martyn.

Doc: (Doc, Maddox 77)

- Doc and Ren got Las Vegas married, it was spur of the moment, they’d been close for a while and Doc definitely wanted to study Ren under a microscope a little bit:

“This man is an anomaly and definitely possessed/not human. I MUST STUDY HIM.” “Whatever you say dude!” - they were both severely drunk. (From Sere)

- it’s an open marriage, Doc is not upset about whatever Ren and Martyn have going on, just about the fact that Martyn’s a bitch. (They bicker, a lot, they might also eventually kiss though, it’s okay.)

- Doc is rather convinced that the “Salmon Mafia” (whatever that is…) is after him:

Salmon sushi appears on the doorstep— Ren: “Oh, hey! Rad my dudes! Free dinner!” Doc: *Hysterical ranting in German*

(He’s not wrong but no one tell him that—)

- Doc is x-military, hence his abnormally advanced prosthetics. He presumably got dishonorably discharged…

- He is in fact a doctor/surgeon and works a lot of odd shifts at the local hospital.

- he’s doing his best to deal with RK’s antics but isn’t that involved in the HOA tyranny stuff— at least not now.

- he is definitely peeved about the direction GigaCorp is shoving Ren towards though…

- despises the Permit Office, especially that Pesky Imp, also the Police force…

———

Martyn Littlewood:

- weird situationship with Ren/RK. He’s a bit of a jealous bitch but also has eyes and is in fact looking at Ren’s husband. (Flirting will definitely help ease this rivalry…)

- Unfortunately supports RK’s horrible tyrannical schemes. Bdubs is also trying to suck up to RK, but keeps getting ignored cuz RK has favorites (it’s Martyn).

- Martyn hosts then local radio show, he’s always down for some gossip and the Postal Demons are of great service to him in that sense, especially considering their relative omnipresence. He likes bothering Jimmy about it.

- Martyn and Cleo have known each other since forever (I need to fill in the backstory here… I’ll elaborate if I do a post about Cleo specifically later <3)…

———

(Several of the quotes and base ideas are from my lovely collaborator, whom I forgot to @ before like a moron… @queseresere )