#this barely has any base in my brain but thats fine

[jack-kellys]

west end question: i obviously love my brooklyn girls and would die for them all, but is it bad that it’s taken away the sprace dynamic for me? like i’m still 100% on board with a nowhere near canon ship and it shouldn’t affect me they’ve decided to have spot be a girl, but it lowkey has? and i feel kinda guilty about it? idk i love my proshot boys. but i am 100% here for all the uk newsies cast they are amazing and so talented and it’s definitely my favourite production by far!! idk if i’m making sense

ok part of me feels a litle baited actually because like. i feel like... im vocal abt mlm musical sprace not being a big vibe for me in the first place. so im a funny person to ask if you were looking for relief lmao. anyway here's my thesis below.

wait also if ur a white newsie fan a read-thru+rb of this would be much appreciated thank youuu (also yall have been eating up my character analyses anyway sooooo!)

TL;DR THESIS: if you're feeling genuinely let down that your ship did not see the light of day and a black girlsie spot conlon got to instead, then yes, you should reevaluate that.

followers, if you've been with me long enough, you know that i have quite strong opinions about how this show gets treated when it comes to interpretations and fandom/fanon. mostly, this is because i literally work in theater, and it's extremely backwards in my brain personally when shows get treated more like a movie or tv show than a performance piece.

im also one of the only ppl in this fandom that ever seems to dare speak on race (not the damn character smh). and anon, buddy, kiddo, this does have to do with race, gender, and sexuality.

firstly, what i think needs to be understood about newsies, is that it is theater, which means it is meant to be mutable. there is no one way. there should never be one way. it does not exist. secondly, theater does not exist in a fandom vacuum. its live every night, conceptually. theater is a live performance art.

interpretations change- it's the nature of theater. so i think asks like these really do illuminate the difference between fans of the show's content or fans of... i guess the show's culture's content.

this is a culture content ask.

one thing i really, truly, deeply need you all to understand: from an objective, script- and staging-based perspective, proshot sprace does not exist. they do not speak. they barely see each other. race does not even volunteer to go to brooklyn. the ship originates from the 1992 movie, where they do actually interact, which is why the ship has prevailed through the 90s to today. they're from the movie, not the musical.

of course, this doesn't bash the ship- it has history, and naturally fans want to create new history when they get a new source material (the musical). it's true for like every newsie ship lowkey (but also not lowkey because all the manhattan newsies do interact and sprace literally does not but thats a different post!!), which is something i do admire about the fandom- we do a lot of our own legwork here, we invent relationships and backgrounds from one-liners that could be given to tbh any frickin newsie. i respect the 30 years we have invented ships.

however.

when a huge, publicized, consistently sold out production comes along with spot conlon as not only a woman, but a woman of color (specifically black rn!) as the leader of the most feared group on stage, there becomes something much more important than a "sprace dynamic", which does not canonically exist in the musical anyway bro. you can't miss something that isn't there imo. often the story and casting within a story comes first, and goddamn if this isn't one of those times. lillie-pearl's spot brings bravado, swagger, confidence, and intimidation that is literally....fine maybe i'm being personal but it is slash gen incredible to see in technically a period piece! a black woman in leadership with that kind of assuredness! in such a popular musical! how is that not– automatically surpassing an often obsessed-over (yes i am. hinting at something here, straight girl fans) mlm ship?

and while i'm on the topic of the over-obsessiveness of mlm musical sprace, let me talk about uksies sprace. because what's also wack abt this ask is that sprace is not a hopeless case in this production- it literally has about as much 'evidence' as the proshot imo!!!!!

i got to hop over to 2nd row brooklyn seating for act 2 so i saw once and for all really close up, right. there's a moment when race is upstage letting the newsies in/down from the stairs. spot comes down and she does, in fact, share a look with him. race gives spot a nod and she keeps moving.

and like im gonna see the show again (every day i am counting my mf blessings fr), so if i'm wrong or they don't do it every time i'll correct myself, but that's what i saw with my own dang eyes on saturday. they do acknowledge each other in uksies.

and since they do, i really like. i have to ask. what is bothersome/unpopular abt uksies sprace, other than oh idk.... its not white/white mlm with a twink/manly bf trope? why can't race still love who spot is as a character, this strong and fearless ruler of brooklyn, in uksies? because tbh josh's racer...nahhhh because. this is such a side note now but they'd be so good together oh jesus am i gonna ship uk sprace. and it's not like they're 'taking away' from a queer ship because a) you can headcanon spot as a queer girl and race being trans is consistently popular and b) newsies has ten billion gayass ships bro we've been eatin for literal decades.

anon, i'm sure you didn't mean harm by this ask. i'm sure, honestly, that a lot of fans are feeling the same way as you and weren't quite sure how to put it in words. but, i'm also not surprised you sent an ask like this on anonymous specifically.

should you feel guilty about it? i don't think guilt is the right word. but i believe you should think more about how newsies is not.....static. it does not exist in one form, and it never will. if you're feeling genuinely let down that your ship did not see the light of day and a black girlsie spot conlon got to instead, then yes, you should reevaluate that. in theater, you should always question why something impacted you the way it did- a major point of theater is to discuss and think about it when you leave! i know this because ive spent three years literally studying it, to back up my thesis credentials.

thank you for reading this, newsies fandom. i do honestly say all this with love, and i hope it made u think !! ♥️

[devnny]

☢️ APOCALYPTIC, BABY! ☢️

doodles of some dystopia au, or something (´ー`) sometimes a family is 4 goths and a squee! 💀

[undermattsun-archive]

flavor of the month

(skate rat) matsukawa x fem!reader | word count: 2k

slight!hanamaki x reader (established relationship)

a/n: based off this post i made n spurred by some enabling :^) “no beta we die like men” -lin

18+ university age | PLS READ WARNINGS

warnings: cheating, public sex (fingering), toxic behavior, manipulation, bad language, dubcon (if u stare too long/squint at it) mattsun is a bad friend

hanamaki takahiro was a godsend in your final year of college. the sweet, doting boyfriend you had been waiting for —what felt like— your entire life. there was nothing under the sun he wouldn’t do for you, he helped you study, do your chores and had even carried you across campus, carrying both of your backpacks simply because you had a bad fall and twisted your ankle ever so slightly. he was perfect in almost every way. almost. you suppose his choice of friends could be chalked down to a little less than perfect, specifically, when it comes to who he so proudly calls his best friend.

matuskawa issei’s name was tacked with some of the dirtiest of rumors that were accompanied with a plethora of gross truths. when you had met him you were floored, your dearest, loving makki, called this entitled, smug skate rat, his best friend? it didn’t take long for his sliminess to seep through immediately and in the beginning of your relationship with makki you did everything in your power to avoid being near matsukawa. but as your relationship grew, so did your face to face contact with his dangerously flirty best friend.

“i just want two of the most important people in my life to get along!” makki had said one night while you two readied to go out for drinks with his friends. you had melted at the sparkle in his eyes when he smiled so lovingly at you. you know that could’ve told makki just how much his best friend made you uncomfortable, but the endearingly fond tone of voice he used when he spoke of the other man made you keep your lips shut tightly on the manner.

it was how you ended up in your current position, sitting at the back corner booth of one of your favorite restaurants, makki seated across from you and matsukawa seated beside you. you had made a point to sit as closely to the wall as possible, punctuating the action with a curt glare at matsukawa before focusing all your attention on the love of your life.

“it was incredible really, i can’t believe you tried to climb a tree that tall.” makki amuses as he recounts another mischievous act from their childhood.

“now now makki you mean succeeded to climb,” he spreads his legs further under the table, forcing you to squeeze your legs together to dodge any contact, “i was a tree climbing god.”

“yeah tell that to the broken arm you got when we were 10, oh excuse me we’re ready to order.” you almost sigh dreamily at the polite smile makki has on display as he waves the waiter over. as the waiter makes his approach, makki continues on with the story behind matsukawa breaking his arm and you do your best to ignore said man yawning dramatically, stretching his arms out and almost swiping at your face. he shoots you an unapologetic smirk as he scoots just little bit closer to you, you lean your head against the wall trying to focus on whatever makki and the waiter were idly chatting about.

“and for you miss?” you snap your eyes up to look at the waiter, opening your mouth to recite your order when you feel a hand land on your knee, making your eyebrow twitch. this isn’t new, you couldn’t pinpoint when it had started, but matsukawa had always been a little bit too touchy, so a hand on resting on your knee or an arm thrown around your shoulder was nothing new. what is new, is when you slightly jerk your knee to tell him to remove his hand, only for him to keep it there firmly planted with the audacity to even squeeze lightly.

“babe?” makki stares at you intently, and with a clench of your jaw you ignore the hand on you to tell the waiter what you would like. as the waiter turns away, makki dives into a story from his russian literature class, detailing just how insane he thinks his professor is as you nod along, forgetting that matsukawa has planted his hand on you. until you feel his hand slowly start to creep up your leg, making your entire body tense up, you send him another narrow look as he shifts in his seat leaning towards you a tiny fraction. for a split second, you wonder if the metal of his rings were cool to touch, or had they siphoned the heat off his hand, and would feel as if it was burning into your skin, branding each inch of bare flesh he touched with the crawl of his fingers.

“-okay love?” the soft coo brings you from your thoughts, making you flush with shame, your hand comes down and grips at matsukawa’s wrist to stop him from going any further.

“i’m sorry i might’ve...”

“spaced out? thats okay. i was just saying i don’t think i can do our usual monday study date. iwaizumi and i have this biology project and...” his voice drowns our as your focus is pulled to the sensation of matsukawa forcing his way out of your hold and pushing his fingers between your thighs, continuing to slide his hand up at an achingly slow pace.

say something, your brain screams, anything, get up and go to the bathroom, do something, your boyfriend is right there.

you press your legs together tightly, hoping the message comes across, but matsukawa is on a hell path, shamelessly trying to push you beyond your limits as his fingers dig into your inner thighs. at the back of your mind is that tiny voice that’s tormented you since meeting him. a part of you wants this, you’ve always been curious, that carnal attraction to such a rotten and handsome man is undeniable. because despite the perfection and bliss of an achingly sweet, tooth rotting boyfriend, the utter taboo of his disgusting best friend is far too tempting to not think about.

“th-that’s okay hiro.” you chew at your lip trying to play off the the stumble of your words by relaxing your shoulders, hoping that he won’t question you. you try to start a round of idle chatter as you make another weak attempt to remove matsukawa’s hand from you.

“hey you know what we haven’t done in awhile? bothered oikawa.” matsukawa leans back, looking almost innocent with his signature lazy grin. you wrap your fingers tightly around his wrist, trying to keep your position as natural as possible so that makki doesn’t pick up on what’s happening. makki agrees with a flourish of words and you don’t miss the way matsukawa’s eyes slide over to you, as if challenging you to say something to makki.

“it’ll break his heart,” matsukawa had said once when he had trapped you on top of your washing machine in the apartment you shared with makki, he had the tendency of backing you against a wall, making you feel small under his presence, “besides who do you think he’ll really believe about who came onto who? i’m his lifelong best friend and you’re just the flavor of the month.”

the memory causes a searing sensation to burn at your chest and your face, this time you dig your nails into matsukawa’s wrist, a more adamant command to leave you alone. only to make your resolve crumble as his fingers dance along your clothed cunt, making your legs fall apart just a touch. it’s a shameless action that incites a bubbling of shame in your stomach and you realize your fatal mistake. you’ve shown a sliver of interest, you’ve given in just enough that he’ll only push further.

the moment you spot the waiter holding plates of food you breathe out in relief, figuring it’s the end of his little game as the plates are set out in front of you. you release your grip on his wrist and he retracts his hand slowly, a wave of relief washing through you. tinged with something resembling disappointment.

“here babe try this.” makki holds out a spoonful of curry and you lean in to take a bite, spluttering at the feeling of matsukawa suddenly shoving his hand into your pants. you choke and cough as makki scrambles to hand you a glass of water, matsukawa a disturbing pillar of silence beside you. you stiffly turn your head to look at him, eyes pleading for some sort of answer as to why now he’s decided to hurdle himself past the line he’s been so keen on toeing since you’ve started dating his best friend. to your horror he’s sitting there quietly, as he peacefully uses his right hand to feed himself, as if his left isn’t currently shoved into your pants teasing at you with the full intent of driving you insane.

“sorry sorry i’m,” yours eyes widen as matsukawa’s fingers press harder against your covered folds, harshly dragging his fingers up to your clit, “f-fine.”

“are you sure? you’ve been looking a little red the past half hour or so, are you really feeling okay?” the concern in makki’s voice punctuates your guilt as you squirm slightly at the way matsukawa teases your clit through your panties.

“promise love, i’m fine. i think i j-just,” in one swift motion matsukawa pushes your panties to the side just enough to thrust a finger into your core, “didn’t sleep well!”

“mm it’s the stress from your history class?” you don’t trust your voice to not shake as matsukawa pushes deeper and deeper, achingly slow there’s an almost delicious burn from the sudden entry.

“mhm.” you grip your silverware tightly in each hand, a helpless shake of your hips as matsukawa curls his finger inside of you. the way you clench around his finger only encourages him, a soft huff of amusement spilling from his lips as he thrusts his finger into you.

“makki, did you finish the chem homework?” he pulls his finger out just to the first knuckle, teasing at the rim of your hole, you try not to jump when you feel the tip of another finger settle near your entrance.

“don’t.” you whisper, but the word goes ignored as he thrusts in the other finger, the sting of the dry addition burns through you and biting back a moan as your eyes widen at makki who’s so peacefully eating before you.

“did you say something love?” you feel your legs start to shake a little as matsukawa ruthlessly thrusts his fingers in and out, pressing the heel of his palm against your swollen clit.

“i um don’t forget to, empty the dishwasher?” your words come out breathless and makki only hums in agreement before continuing to shovel curry into his mouth.

“doing okay there? haven’t touched your food.” the glint in matsukawa’s eyes is borderline sadistic as he pointedly looks between you and your food. before you can reply he sharply curls his fingers again before scissoring them apart making your legs spread further, silently and shamelessly asking for more.

“i’m fine? see?” you make a point to take a big bite of your noodles, swallowing them down as matsukawa presses in a third finger. there’s barely an ache this time as he works in another finger, your dripping cunt practically begging for it at this point. the familiar tightness begins to coil deep in your belly and with a particularly harsh curl of his fingers, your head snaps down, jaw dropping as you clench around him. without hesitation he continues to knead the heel of his palm against your clit as your cunt greedily squeezes his fingers. his motions become lazier as your body shakes from the searing bliss shooting through your veins. and the thought of choking him when this is all said and done is at the forefront of your mind.

“y/n?” makki reaches across the table and intertwines your fingers. guilt swirls in your chest as you raise your head to meet makki’s eyes, a weak smile at your lips.

“thought i was gonna sneeze.”

“say makki can you get the waiters attention, i want some more water.” he makes a point to shake his cup of ice. makki pulls away from you and looks away from the table. you pant out a few breaths as matsukawa pulls his fingers out, leaving you feeling empty and shaken. you take the risk to look at matsukawa, looking painfully proud of himself as he brings his fingers to his lips, licking the glistening juices coating them.

“sweet.”

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:

A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense

Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers

Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity

Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something

First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.

All of the Blooks are adopted.

Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.

Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running

so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead

I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places

Ghosts also do not have souls I decided

Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology

So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal

Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies

Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul

What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.

Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal

Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second

Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below

Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four

The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay

Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide

So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive

And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them

So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die

HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy

ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption

Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal

And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.

They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)

And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up

Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy

Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time

But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional

ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in

Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful

Now back to ghost lore

Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided

And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing

But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion

They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb

And thats part of why the blooks are so special

Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...

but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family

most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good

And they hold each other accountable and it is nice

So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”

and they raise them for a cool minute

They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook

And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy

So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins

This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel

because they miss their mom ;;

but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself

And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal

And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything

They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS

But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,

so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry

Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game

Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;

Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that

but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot

Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve

Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,

but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues

So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings

Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk

Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to

And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse

But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;

Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them

And they can possess living things too they find out

Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”

And frisk still has most of the control

But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”

and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past

so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works

Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens

They manage to help frisk save the day

And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them

And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”

And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run

Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in

Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident

Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied

And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt

So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them

So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb

And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world

So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything

And also to clarify

They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game

Because, guess why

They become corporeal

Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal

So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything

Ok back to fluff

Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost

They can still float around and look just like the other blooks

And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone

And also they do way better with a family

Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news

And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless

Oh ALSO

The other dead humans dont have ghosts

BECAUSE

ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS

and chara is the weird special exception

Because they were a monster when they died

They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died

Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”

So anyway

charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again

Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far

This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING

Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like

Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept

thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol

Thanks again! Have a nice day!

[honesthammie]

Te amo

I am working on a few of the other prompts and a part 2 to prompt 4 the soulmate au I just recently got another puppy and I still have uni work to do so I'm a bit behind schedule with these and I'm so sorry. Hopefully this little kinda songfic makes up for it.

13th doctor x female reader

Warnings: swearing as usual, fluffy, sad thoughts, twist the original songs meaning, long as fuck.

Probably terrible as its my first songfic

I don't know much Spanish so some of the examples later on are Google translated and I know it can be wrong so I do apologise for any mistranslations

This is based off Rhiannas song Te Amo but I'm switching it up a little. I dont why 13th doctor came into my head when I was listening to it but it gave me this lil oneshot idea so enjoy! The picture is not mine but the rainbow effect added is done by me! Same for the picture later on.

I've been travelling with this amazing alien for a whole year now. The adventures are always amazing if she's there! The others sometimes complain and say its boring, especially on a junk planet but to see her face light up with excitement makes my day and it well worth the dirt we cover ourselves on by the time we are done. And when she finds something that she thought was useful and it turns out, it's not her scrunch is amazing.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm in love with this alien. I know, weird, a human and an alien together? But I can't help it! I'm completely besotted with her. If she even looks in my direction, my legs go to jelly and I get butterflies. I know, cheesy. But thats exactly how I feel around her. I barely want to touch her because I nearly fainted the last few times. And I fear she may pick up on how I'm distancing myself from her. I don't want to break her heart and leave, the thought of her look kills me as is so I'm trying to get her to kick me off.

It doesn't seem to be working though. I've been distancing myself since I found out about how I feel, which is now 6 months ago and she's trying to get me to be as close as I was with her.

I'll tell her. On one of our amazing adventures but I can't do it straight forward, it's making me sick with anxiety just thinking about it. I'll fancy it up, make her work it out. Whenever we are next to each other and the moment is right, I'll tell her in another language!

I finally get out of bed after I finished writing in my diary. I slip some comfy clothes on and head out to the TARDIS library and hope no one is there, especially her. I'll be distracted and right now, I need to concentrate. I wonder the warm halls, grateful that the TARDIS had considered my preferences. I think the TARDIS likes me more than the others because I talk to her and show her gratefulness for taking us somewhere amazing and I chat to her regularly and I try to involve her in my conversations. The others find it weird, except for the Doctor, she just smiles and joins in with me. Im still learning how to translate her but I think I've sort of got it.

I reach my hand forward and grab the aged bronze doorknob and open to the giant room. There were so many floors that an elevator had to be used to access some of them as the Doctor said "walking would literally take weeks to reach some floors". Thankfully the TARDIS organises them to make them easier to find. I looked forward and saw an interactive map in front of me. My hands touched the screen and many subjects and categories came up. Anything ranging from kiddie tales to straight up smut, I have a feeling either River or Missy are to blame for that addition.

I've never met them but the TARDIS showed me videos from her database and brought books to my attention about them. They both seem very dirty minded people so I'm not surprised those are there. I wonder if the Doctor has ever stumbled upon this section or is it for none Doctor eyes only? If she does know about them, has she ever read one? No, don't go there you stupid brain! She probably doesn't know!

I quickly stop that train of thought and catch my breath. I've never thought about those kinds of things about anyone before. Stupid Timelord, making me go all weird and think dirty things. Now my face is all red, I really hope I'm alone in here. I quickly focus back to the task at hand, finding a new language to learn. The TARDIS seemed to know where to go and blue arrows appeared, guiding me to the right section in what could be a maze.

As I walking, I felt excitement rise within me. What if she felt the same way? What if she was impressed by how far I wanted to go just to say those 3 words? Would her hazel honey eyes sparkle with delight? Would she scronch her nose in amazement?

Before I knew it, I'd arrived at the language learning section and there were many alien languages but the TARDIS seemed to have a better idea of what would be perfect for me as a white hardback book fell off the 4th shelf onto the wooden floor. I picked it up and noticed how smooth the cover was and how old yet unused it looked. The white was a little off, almost a dull cream from ageing which made the gold writing harder to read. The title was simple:

Spanish basics and need to knows.

I did always find Spanish in school fun to learn, more than French or German anyway and I don't wanna stereotype this into a typical French is the language of romance. I never really found it romantic sounding compared to Spanish.

I picked up the book and quickly flicked through to the right page and took a note on my phone as to what the translation was and put the worn book away. I quietly thanked the TARDIS and rushed out of the library and back into my room where I could practice without getting caught.

A few weeks have passed since I picked up the new words and practiced them until I was confident and had the TARDIS' approval that I was saying it right. Today the Doctor wanted to take us to this party in the 18th century and we all decided to dress for the part once we landed.

Yaz was wearing a beautiful black and red ballroom gown, accented with little bows around the bottom and lace cuffs. She had her black hair curled into a ponytail. It was simple and cute, much like her style normally. Graham and Ryan wore similar suits but Graham wore green accents and Ryan wore yellow accents.

I let the TARDIS pick my dress. She picked a black and dark blue ballroom gown with blue roses on the bottom. It had black lace underneath and blue lace as the cuffs. The gown also seemed to glitter slightly in the light making me sparkle very subtly. I put my comfy boots on as you couldn't see my shoes as I walked anyway so why did it matter? With all the running we do, I'm not risking my ankles with heels, thank you very much. I had my (h/c) hair in (fave style). It suited my dress perfectly.

I nearly choked on oxygen when I saw how hot the Doctor looked in her suit. It took me a few moments to realise we match. We both blushed at the realisation. Of course the TARDIS makes us match! No wonder why she was more than eager to help me pick an outfit! Stupid sentient ship, shipping us already!

I quickly cleared my throat and complimented everyone on how amazing they looked but I just couldn't take my eyes off the Doctor for long. She was like a magnet for my eyes. Someone help before she realises!

"Don't we all look brilliant? Perfect for the party! 18th century Yorkshire to be exact! What a great century for you guys. Now then, this party is for Nobles and higher, as per usual in these times. Ryan, I suggest you keep in mind about any racist comments that may come out. But as long as you say your Graham's personal butler, you should be welcomed with little resistance. And Yaz, I want you to be (y/n)'s personal maid. That does mean you'll have to follow your so called "masters" around and do anything they ask unfortunately and Graham, (y/n), please act like the others around you and use them. Unfortunately this is the only way all 5 of us can join the party. You'll be fine as long as you bite your tongues. Now the Noble Edward Collins is the host so be sure to thank him for inviting you, even though you technically weren't. And try not to get too drunk, I know what you humans are like! Now follow me." The Doctor explained. I was going to tell the Doctor today, but I guess, I'll have to wait.

The Doctor opened the doors and we were in a cupboard under some gorgeous marble stairs. As we walked towards the party I noticed some family portraits along the walls. They were a very beautiful looking family. The mother had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The father was buff, long brown hair and daring brown eyes. There were two children, a girl and a boy. The girl had long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, whilst the son had blonde hair and brown eyes. They also had a brown greyhound dog laying by the sons feet. The son must be the host, Edward. He looked not much older than 10 in the last painting but the daughter was no where to be found in the portrait and theu all looked mournful. Is she dead and is that the picture capturing the moment of grief? Why would anyone want that? It's so strange, even for this time period.

The Doctor held me and Yaz close, stopping us in our tracks. My heart was racing at the simple touch. But as soon as the touch was there, it was gone. "I hope its okay with you (y/n) but you're going to have to be married to someone."

My heart stopped for a moment and I nearly choked on air. "What? Why?"

"Because women like yourself would have been married as young as 13 or 14. Now your only choices are me and Graham. You can't choose Ryan as he's supposed to be a butler and you can't choose Yaz as she's your maid. The choice is yours, I just need to know wether or not I should refer to you as my darling wife or not?"

What. The. Fuck.

Why did her even calling me that l, turn me on? Obviously, I'm going to choose her but I'm going to have to perfect my reasoning here.

"As much as I love Graham, it's going to be awkward if I have to kiss him or anything because he's like my grandad! I guess you'll do Timelord. Come on then husband, we don't want to be late to the dancefloor!" I spoke clearly hoping she didn't notice how excited I actually was to have even a hint of a relationship with her. It may be fake but ill take anything when it comes to her.

We arrived at the welcome committee and handed our cards over, aka the psychic paper. We were going as Mr and Mrs (last name). The Doctor was holding my hand this entire time and it's driving me insane. I don't know if she can feel my racing pulse under her fingers but if she can I hope she puts it down to excitement! We walked down the most grandest staircase you would ever lay your eyes on.

First we walked around, greeting everyone as they came up to us or if she dragged me to someone she knew, but not personally. She was cute when she was fangirling over these people. Yaz found it annoying as she just wanted to party but I couldn't help it. The way her eyes shimmer with recognition was more beautiful than any galaxy she could ever take us. Sometimes her eyes flickered with admiration and it did make me have jealousy for just a moment before I remembered, I'm staying with her and they aren't .

As the party moved on we met the host Edward. He looked a lot different than in his paintings. He was around 20 years old now and his blonde hair was below his shoulders. He looked a lot like his father with his muscley build. And he was very charismatic which I did not like as he poured all his charm into the Doctor. Does everyone here know that he's gay or does he see through the Doctors disguise? Either way, it was rubbing me the wrong way. I quickly excused myself with Yaz and walked into the bathroom.

"I did not like him. I do not like this Edward guy. Something about him rubs me completely wrong. He's handsome but something is telling me he knows the Doctor isn't a man."

"I felt the same way. He knows something we don't. Before we go out there again, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yaz asked. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She knows. The jig is up with Yaz. "How do you feel about her, honestly? One minute you 2 are inseparable, then you distance yourself and now you are a nervous wreck around her! I won't judge but I just want to make sure my theory is correct."

Shit. I guess I really was obvious. Does she know?

"If your theory is about me falling hopelessly in love with the Doctor then you'd be correct. I can't help it. I'm going to tell her how I feel without being completely stupid. I just need a right moment to say it." I spoke with a heavy sigh. Hopefully, Yaz can help create that moment thay I need. She nods her head and opens the door. We walk back to the Doctor and notice Edward has gone to other guests and she was talking to Graham. I looked around and saw Ryan flirting with a pretty lady near the food table. Why am I not surprised?

A few hours had passed and the Doctor seemed bored with standing and talking so I made a plan in my head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor as the next song came on. I didn't quite know how to dance properly but I knew the basics if it. She has to lead and I simply follow suit. It took a few moments but I got the hang of it with the Doctors help. Soon we were dancing so gracefully underneath the most beautiful candelabra that lit up her face perfectly.

Her hair swayed to our perfect dance ever so gently. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her lips were in a permanent smile. She even laughed a couple of times. Then as the music slowed down to a pace that was perfect, I grabbed her waist and looked her. My heart was going crazy and my legs were about to buckle but I had rehearsed my lines. I can do this.

"Hey Doc. Its been an amazing time with you but I can't continue this without being honest with you. But everytime I get close, I back down in fear. So I'm going to let you figure it out. Doctora te amo. Entiendo que si no sientes lo mismo y me iré si quieres. (Doctor i love you. i understand if you don't feel the same way and i'll leave if you want.)" I spoke with as much passion and intention as I could. I looked into her eyes and saw her confused and trying to work out what I said. I would find it cute if my heart was beating right out of my chest. "Well, I've had a great time but I'm fucking knackered. I'm calling it night. I'll be heading to the TARDIS if you need me."

"I'll come with ya. I'm knackered as well and we both need each other to undo the corsets and mine is starting to hurt a little bit. How we used to do this for a full day, everyday, is beyond my understanding. As beautiful as we look, I don't think its worth the pain this will bring in the morning." Yaz spoke with a slight mumble as proof of her mental state and finishing with a yawn. I chuckled at her state and walked back to the TARDIS with a small amount of chat along the way.

She is right though. These corsets really do hurt you after a while, I'm glad I chose not to wear heels or else I'll be fucked for in the morning. I would literally scream. I think the Doctor had the right idea in wearing a suit, no pain. I do feel bad for leaving her but I just need some space after basically admitting everything that's been built up within me for too damn long. Maybe I should tell Yaz how it went and maybe she can help determine if the Doctor is happy or not.

We walked back into the wardrobe room and I helped Yaz out of her corset. She immediately sighed in relief. She finished getting herself into comfy clothes and started to untie my ribbon.

"So did you tell her?"

"Sort of. I basically told her everything but in Spanish. I just hope it doesn't change anything, except in a positive way, of course! If she wants me gone, I've told her that it's fine and I understand. She's very socially awkward and as cute as I find it, it may not help me in this situation. Do you have any clues on how she may react once she figures it out?"

Yaz stopped untying my corset for a moment and placed 1 finger upon her chin in thought. Her eyes were almost shut and seemed almost completely black in the light. After what seemed like forever, she took her finger off her chin and beamed a toothy smile. Her eyes sparkled as she remembered something and seemed to gleam slightly menacingly. A smirk replaced her smile soon after.

"There's a few times she's shown affection towards you. And I mean romantic affection. She always chooses to hold your hand over anyone else's if given the choice. She always steps I'm front of you when an enemy threatens to kill us all or hurt us in anyway. When you go wandering around on your own, she's terrified thats she's lost you forever to an enemy we don't even know of!" Yaz starts explaining carefully as if she's worried on how to word it.

"Those are just friendly affec-"

"I wasn't done. I was warming up." Yaz interrupts me as I was about to go into a self deprecating speech on how I'm just a friend to everyone and never a lover. "She always looks to see your face on adventures because she secretly loves your reactions, bad or good. When the Master revealed himself, she looked straight at you for support on how she should react. When she came back from the Kasavin, she ran straight to you and made sure you were ok first before any of us. When we were in the Tsungra medical ship, the first person she asked for was you! Whilst she was unconscious on board the ship, she kept mumbling your name, over and over again. When she saw how gorgeous you looked today, I thought she'd take you right there on the spot! She fucking loves you (y/n)! You're just so unbelievably blind to it all!"

Yaz was almost red with rage. Did she really do all that, for me? The TARDIS mustve read my mind and seemed to hum positively in reply. If everything Yaz said is true then she'll be so happy about it and maybe we can be a thing! But then again, maybe losing so many in a similar position as me will turn her away. Maybe her soul is awry and she's asking why right now.

Once I had gotten changed I went to sleep almost straight away, I suppose all that dancing and social ques having tired me out more than I thought.

I woke up to a soft knock on my door. I rubbed my (e/c) eyes and told them I'd be a few minutes as I've only just woken up. It wasn't until I finished brushing my (h/c) hair that I remembered what happened yesterday. All the panic rushed within me at once and I nearly threw up. I took several deep breaths and opened the door.

"GRAHAM THANK FUCK ITS YOU!" I almost shouted at him. He looked a little bewildered for a moment before he seemed to remember what brought him here in the first place.

"Hello Love, I'm here because Doc wanted to speak with you privately in the library. She says that the TARDIS will guide you to her location. She seemed a little off after you and Yaz left. Did something happen? Is everything ok?" Graham asked cautiously. He must be so confused.

"Sort of. I'll explain more when I get back but what do you mean by "a little off"?"

"Well she seemed lost in all sense of the word. She kept muttering "Te Amo" all the time. She was all over the place aswell. She got me and Ryan back here not long after you guys. Something about not trusting Ryan to not get alcohol poisoning without her around. She hasn't really left the library since if I'm honest. She's been in there for 12 hours. I only know she wants you because she whattsapped me on my phone. Whatever is going on, please sort it out, she's starting to really worry me. She hasn't been the same since that Master guy came around." Graham spoke clearly, albeit confused. I nodded my head and walked in the opposite direction to him and hoped the TARDIS would take me there quicker than normal. I want to treat this like a plaster, rip it off in one go.

Sooner than I realised, I grabbed the all too familiar door knob of the library. I took a deep breath and walked in. A blue line appeared towards the interactive map. I awakened the console and I saw a black screen with a few words on it. It looked like a message with how it was presented.

Hello (y/n)! Don't walk until you calm. Breath deeply and try not to panic. I promise you, all will work out in the end. I see more than you realise and I know my thief better than anyone whoever stepped foot into my being. I know of her main problem about the situation. If she loves you, drink this. It won't hurt, she'll know what it is.

The TARDIS

I should have been surprised by this new knowledge that she could speak to me, in a way, but I've seen so much and I am so tender hooks so I didn't take much notice of it. I quickly sat down and tried to control my breathing. After about 5 or so minutes, I felt calm enough to finally meet up with her and hear what she has to say.

I followed the blue line carefully until I spotted her in a comfy room. She mustve gotten changed at some point as she was wearing her usual rainbow outfit, minus the jacket. She was sat on a deep purple sofa, legs curled into her body. Her shoes were on the carpeted floor underneath her, seemingly forgotten for the moment. There were many books surrounding us from many cultures and spieces. One wall had a cozy wood burning fireplace crackling within the silence that surrounded us.

Her face was scrunched within deep thought. Her eyes sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on; hope, sorrow or excitement? Her lips had a small smirk gracing them and her teeth had bitten a small part of it. Her hands were holding a book in a way where I couldn't quite see what it was.

I didn't want to disturb her as she looked so ethereal with the warm glow of the fire highlighting her in the perfect way. Unfortunately, it's plaster time and I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later. I took a deep breath took in the picture for memory.

"Hey, Graham said you wanted to talk to me? Is everything ok?" I asked gently and as softly as I could so she was carefully brought out of her little world. I didn't want to scare her. She raised her eyes from her book for a moment and bookmarked the page she was at with a little TARDIS paperclip. She placed the book on the table at the side of her and patted the seat next to her.

As I sat down my nerves were through the roof. She gave nothing away as she stared at me for a minute, as if assessing something about me.

"Why are you so nervous? Calm down. You are right, It is to do with last night. You left pretty abruptly after basically confessing your feelings to me. I was so confused, not just about what you said but about myself and what I wanted to do about you." The Doctor spoke monotonously. Did she mean get rid of me? "I had to first of all, find out what you said, well done on learning a new language by the way, one even I'm not fluent at. I'm guessing the old girl had something to do with that idea. Not that, you aren't smart enough but you don't know what languages I do or don't know."

The Tardis seemed to chuckled at the accusation and I simply nodded my head. "I wanted to buy myself time and to impress you."

"You impressed me a long time ago Miss (l/n). That is just a cherry on top. After I figured out what you said, no thanks to my old friend here, I went through a lot of thinking. I've not been in many relationships and you know my history regarding the ones I have been in. You know, River and Missy? And I have such a bad past with it ending in nothing but tears for me. I always lose those I care for deeply." She spoke with tears spilling from her gorgeous eyes. I grabbed her face gently and wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape their home.

"That was when you were a man. You're a woman now, everything is so different. Relationships can be heartbreaking. I know what you're main problem is and the TARDIS has a solution to that. I just need you to tell me the truth. How do you feel about me? Do you want me to stay or not?" I stated holding the small shot glassed amount of liquid in my hand. The liquid was golden and sparkled slightly in the light. There were specks of orange and silver within it and it was as hot as a nice cup of (hot drink). Her eyes sparkled with hope and shock. Her lips were smiling wide. And she seemed to giggle at the sight of it. She held it for a moment as if examining it like a rare artefact, maybe it was. Either way, I trust her judgement and if she's happy about it, then so am I. Once she had analysed the drink, she practically leapt into my arms and pushed me down on my back. She smelled of custard creams and the TARDIS which was odd but completely her and I couldn't imagine her smelling any other way.

"That does solve our problem! What she has just given you is the rarest liquid in the universe seeing as only one thing in the entirety of space can produce it. That drink is known as the nectar of the chosen ones. It's rare as the race that used to make them has practically gone extinct. There's only 3 left in the known universe and you're living in one. That drink is the blood of the TARDIS. It grants you immortality if you drink it. It is said to resemble your favourite beverage no matter who you are. However, it only lasts 100 years and you must drink it every century or else your body clock will kick in and you will age and be as mortal as you are now." She speaks with a warning as we sit up holding holds.

"I have no problem with that. I would sacrifice everything if it meant I got to call you mine. Just please tell me and I'll drink it." I told her with adoration in my eyes.

She held me close and planted a soft and gentle kiss to my lips. It was short but it sent more fireworks than you can imagine through my body. I knew I had found her. She grabbed my waist and whispered next to my ear:

"Te Amo"

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter four - mri’s & other modern commodities

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.8k

synopsis: bucky faces his first day of treatment, and discovers some new things along the way: some scary, some awesome, some maybe slightly embarassing.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: not my gif

When he woke up, he scanned his room, making sure everything was the same as how he left it the night before. Making sure no one came in while he was asleep and poisoned his brain. Making sure he was waking up in his living quarters in Wakanda and not a damp cell in some secret Hydra base. It was just something he did now.

Some may call it paranoia, others may call it adaptation. Either way, once he stepped outside and made sure he was alone, he allowed himself to take a breath.

Today was the day, the first day of official treatment. He had no idea what to expect; he was just hoping to high heavens that it would end up working. Freedom. That's all he wanted. Liberation from the chains Hydra had had around him since he fell from the train all those years ago.

He was apprehensive for sure, but he tried his best to keep himself optimistic. Bucky was sure that Shuri was smarter than any Hydra scientist he once came in contact with. So, if they can tear apart his mind, perhaps she can put it back together. Right?

Her in addition to (Y/N). That psychologist woman. He had spoken to her the day before at the lake. She was funny, and she seemed decently easy to talk to. That's a good sign, he guessed. She told him that she hadn't minded relocating to assist in his treatment, but he honestly couldn't make out her true feelings. She was rather hard to read. Perhaps it was a psychologist thing; he tried not to look too far into it.

He waited outside his door until two Wakandans came to escort him to Shuri. Bucky noticed they were armed. Guards. He wasn't surprised nor did he blame them. However, that didn't make it any easier to trust. He hadn't had that luxuy in a very long time. The former assassin fought against the voice in the back of his head telling him to analyze their every move in order to ensure that he wasn't in any danger. That any minute they weren't going to strap him down and rip his brain apart the way it had been so many times before. So many times. He gave the slightest wince at the thought. His brain suddenly felt prickly, painful memories creeping up on him.

Not now, don't think about it.

Sometimes, if he fixated on the thoughts for too long, he would drive himself to this panicked state of fear and constriction. He wasn't sure exactly what this thing was. All he knew was that these things - these episodes - were extremely unpleasant, and utterly unnecessary at the moment.

He shook his head (somehow hoping that this would rid him of the prickly memories like a dog shaking off water), strands of long brown hair swaying quickly in front of his eyes, and fixed his gaze to the floor.

Floor. Floor. Floor. Floor. Just the floor. The floor. The floor. The floor-

"Sergeant Barnes!" Shuri welcomed him happily.

Oh. He was in the lab now. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Let's do this.

"Good morning," he smiled, "and just Bucky's okay."

"Of course, of course. This is my lab! Best place in Wakanda in my humble opinion. Today's only the first day of treatment, so nothing too intensive. But, we will be working all the same!"

He glanced around the lab. The guards were at the doorway and they didn't look like they were leaving anytime soon. Again, he wasn't surprised. Moreover, sitting at a table a few feet from Shuri, was a familiar face. This familiar face soon met his gaze.

"Hi, Bucky" (Y/N) greeted, offering a polite smile. "See! I remembered this time."

Bucky grinned. "Are you still (Y/N), or is it Dr. (Y/L/N) since we're in the lab now?"

"I'm always (Y/N)."

"I don't know, if I went to school for as long as you did, I'd make everyone call me Doctor," Shuri added.

(Y/N) laughed. "Well, if you want to call me Doctor you're more than welcome, Shuri."

"That's the spirit, Doc," she declared before turning to Bucky. "Now, follow me and we'll get a quick MRI done."

"A what?" He quickly caught up to Shuri who already started walking away.

"An MRI. It stands for magnetic resonance imaging. Basically, scanners use strong magnetic fields, magnetic field gradients, and radio waves to generate images of the organs in the body."*

Yes, very basic.

(Y/N) leaned over to Bucky, explaining softly, "It's used to form pictures of the anatomy and the physiological processes of the body."**

"Oh."

"You just lay down and it scans you. Y'don't even feel anything."

"Thats... not too bad, I guess."

"It's a bit of a tight fit though, so I hope you're aren't claustrophobic."

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, after cryo, I doubt tight spaces will be too much of a bother for me."

"Right," said (Y/N), "but it's still decently in your personal space. Just so you know - so there's no surprises."

He nodded. They didn't say anything until Shuri stopped short in front of them. She stood a couple feet from a shiny metal table which was lined up in front of an equally shiny and metallic semi-cricle arch. It was long enough to fit - well, would you look at that - a body.

"Oh. I guess there is a surprise," (Y/N) blurted, turning to Shuri, confused. "That isn't like any MRI machine I've ever seen."

"That's because you're in Wakanda," Shuri flashed a proud smile. "Tech's a bit... advanced here."

(Y/N) turned to Bucky. He thought he saw something resembling self consciousness flow across her features, but he wasn't sure.

"Sorry, I guess I was wrong. But, honestly this is way better than a typical MRI set up. It's much more open... and wide. Regularly, it would be like a super narrow tube with hardly any space inside. This way, you'll even be able to see us and the rest of the room."

That's good. More space. More freedom. And he'll be able to see her- them, see them.

Shuri clapped. "Alright! Shall we get started then?"

He had no idea how any of this worked; he was way out of his element here. He just barely learned what a damn MRI was, and had to hide his shock when he found out. Medicine has changed dramatically since 1945. Although it is helpful, he is completely clueless. Great.

"Do I jus-just lay on the table?" He asked, unsure.

"Yep! Just lie there and be absolutely still, and I'll do the rest," Shuri replied, reassuringly as she walked around to a control panel next to the machine, preparing to start.

Bucky took his place on the thin metal table, and he thought he was seeing things. Was it was levitating? Honestly, from what he's seen so far he wouldn't even be surprised. He stared up at the ceiling, getting lost in thought. A string of various questions and uncertainties fluttered through his battered mind.

Would the metal arm interfere with the magnet- oh. Right. No arm. Just a scan, no need to worry. (Y/N) said it would be fine. Can I even trust her Then again, can I even trust anyone yet? She's the best I got right now. Damn it, I wish I wasn't so wary of everyone.

"Hey," a gentle voice pulled him out.

He looked over to the left of him, the side with no arm. (Y/N).

"I can practically hear your brain whirring around right now - which is justified - but do you need anything?"

'Do you need anything?' He hadn't heard that phrase in a while.

He adjusted his body on the table. "I'm alright, just... a bit out of my element here."

She nodded, knowingly. "Honestly, me too. This lab looks like somethin' out of a sci-fi movie for me, so I can't imagine what it must feel like to you."

She was looking down at him. He felt vulnerable, exposed. It seemed like she noticed.

"Here, I have an idea."

With that, she turned and grabbed something from a nearby table. Rotating around to face him again, she displayed what she had taken: a pair of headphones... but without a wire? What the hell?

"Are they broken?" he asked, feeling perpetually confused.

"No, they're wirelessly connected to my phone. It's called bluetooth."

The look on his face was almost laughable.

"Bluetooth? What kind of name is Bluetooth?"

"The kind of name that I didn't invent nor should I be blamed for," she chuckled. "Do you want to listen to music while you're in there? It might help to keep you down on Earth with us."

Music. The thought was almost surreal. He hadn't been privileged with such a pleasure in longer than he'd care to admit. It actually seemed... nice.

"Y-yeah," he said, pondering. "That'd actually be nice."

"Awesome."

She leaned over him to put the headphones on his ears, causing him a very conflicting series of emotions.

First of all, close. She was very close to his face. His face, his eyes, his nose, his lips. It almost seemed a tad bit intimate. And then he realized he hadn't been this close to a woman in forever. A real woman, not some fellow assassin he had to take out. He hoped the shy embarrassment he felt didn't show on his cheeks.

Second of all, she was wrapping something around his head, his brain. He tried not to, but he couldn't stop the muscle memory of what he'd been conditioned to feel. Hydra's machine would wrap around his head and rip his psyche apart. His mind expected pain, the worst pain, the dehumanizing, out of body, mind splitting pain. He hoped the way he flinched ever so slightly didn't offend (Y/N).

She didn't seem offended, and her voice was soft. "You're good. Just music and a scan. Then you're done."

He looked up at her face, reassuring and calm. He took a deep breath.

"Good?" she asked.

He nodded. "Think so."

"If it's too much at any point just let us know, and we'll pull you right out. It's your comfort level, your choice."

His choice. Choice. Control. The prospect gave him comfort.

She gave him one last look before stepping away and signaling Shuri to start the machine. The seemingly levitating table began a smooth descent into the machine when the music started playing. It almost startled him, but he then he was pleasantly surprised by what he heard.

There were loud drums, guitar riffs with attitude, and voices that had so much emotion they were almost screaming. It was like no music he had ever heard before, and he loved it. In fact, he was so into it that he didn't even notice when the MRI had finished. That is, until he felt a feather light hand on his shoulder. His eyes opened, and (Y/N) had the biggest grin on her face. While taking the headphones off of him, she looked very pleased with herself.

She looked at Shuri but declared to no one in particular, "Bucky likes Rock and Roll!"

- - -

* = from wikipedia

** = from wikipedia

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 15

post directory

em: viola teas i am like. incapable of sleeping in

em: i woke up 10:30 on the dot and i thought. what the fuck

em: 10:30 is especially offensive bc it means the mcdonald’s breakfast is done

obsetress: brain immediately said viola up and about doing all the chores vacuuming with no sympathy for her constantly sleeping in snoring girlfriend dani clayton

obsetress: but nah i'm sorry for you that sucks

em: inspiring deranged viola behaviour is

em: the greatest gift of all

obsetress: god so true when u think about it

obsetress: not that viola vacuums, she def has cleaners but

obsetress: actually no

obsetress: she has cleaners but she's prob not satisfied and gets out her expensive vacuum she has no idea how to use and is clattering n making such a fuss

obsetress: and poor dani

em: she’s up and about rearranging things, she’s causing a ruckus,

obsetress: dani's like "you have just as bad insomnia as me and you're just... getting up? that early?"

obsetress: viola shrugs "i don't need that much sleep"

obsetress: "you do, though"

obsetress: she shrugs and disappears into the kitchen

obsetress: insomniac gf and insomniac gf

em: insomnia gfs

em: viola runs on like

em: supernatural element carrying over: viola is a little too good at running on no sleep and no one knows if she ages

obsetress: YEAH

em: i love a sorta, grounded real life show w like one or two unexplained ambiguously supernatural things that no one blinks at

obsetress: i was gonna be like

obsetress: i wonder what dani and viola do when theyre up not sleeping at night and then i was like

obsetress: Well,

obsetress: no they do that but they also do the most random borderline unhinged shit like

obsetress: dani tries new baking recipes and they sit on the countertop in their pjs or underwear or nothing and eat scones at three am

em: go for night drives

em: night drives aren’t even unhinged but they’re nice

em: but they don’t listen to music they listen to fucken podcasts

obsetress: that fuckin lorde song

[em note: it's supercut]

obsetress: they go to the roof and dani lays her head in viola's lap and stares at the stars while viola reads to her in french

obsetress: ugh i put it on oh god why did i put it on

[em note: it's still supercut]

obsetress: in my head.........

obsetress: i do everything right............

obsetress: when you call............

obsetress: i'll forgive and not fight.............

obsetress: ours are the moments.........i play in the dark OH MY GOD VI'S INSOMNIA AFTER DANI LEAVES AND SHES ALONE

em: ur a MONSTER

obsetress: i need to lay on the floor and put this song on repeat

obsetress: anyway um

obsetress: another thought from when i was thinking about the vacuum like

obsetress: viola has a degree of learned helplessness that all rich people have but she's not an idiot like the rest of them yknow and i think like

obsetress: she had to do a lot when she and perdita were kids!

obsetress: after her mom died

em: hannah......

obsetress: and then after her dad died before she married arthur and like

obsetress: then being a single mom (viola lloyd single mom i'm drooling) even w all the help she can afford

obsetress: she has a chip on her shoulder and Does Things For Herself but also just

obsetress: sometimes it happens! there's never enough time and never enough help!

obsetress: and she loves isabel so much like

obsetress: viola making isabel her lunches

obsetress: oh god

em: making her little lunches at like 2am bc it’s been a busy day and she’s tired and she’s sore and she’s sad but the one thing viola will never skip is like

em: making sure isabel gets her lunches

em: hey what is wrong with us

obsetress: GOD YEAH

obsetress: EXACTLY

obsetress: HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS THINKING ABOUT HER MAKING THEM AT TWO AM UGH

obsetress: anyway um yeah viola making isabel her lunches at two am

obsetress: i know that i wrote jamie leaving flora notes on her napkins but like

[em note: read 'and she taught me a lesson alright']

obsetress: i just think it's something a mom who really loves her kid and wants them to feel safe and okay would do so i want to say vi does it for isabel too!!! and what of it they're different universes it's fine

em: ur just building the hannah obsetress cinematic universe

em: building up some Themes and Motifs

obsetress: themes motifs and symbols

obsetress: anyway viola packing isabels lunches she writes little notes and puts on lipstick n kisses them

obsetress: so isabel can get a kiss from her mom

em: im going to kill u w my bare hands

obsetress: cut to vi in the bathroom wiping it off later à la jennifer check

em: im GONNA

obsetress: sometimes when vi has to go out of town for business or w/e she leaves a stack of napkins with arthur to put in isabel's lunch so she can still get a kiss from her mom even when she's gone

em: thats so extra??

em: its so viola

obsetress: exactly

obsetress: she definitely has a fear of isabel favoring arthur over her (abandonment issues etc etc)

obsetress: gestures at canon

—-

em: dani 'its casual' taylor

obsetress: leave the typo

obsetress: dont you dare change it

em: i need u to know that i DO fuck but

em: hgfngjkyhGJBJKFHD FUCK

em: ruined my own joke

obsetress: in the most spectacular way

em: dani 'i need you to know i DO fuck but im accepting offers' clayton

obsetress: she takes care to drop that like

obsetress: it's just casual SHE'S not anything serious. i'm not dating HER or anything

obsetress: jamie's like dani i know you're gay you literally stare at my lips every time i talk

em: dani getting off the phone and dramatically rolling her eyes like 'ex girlfriends, am i right? whats up with these women i-' and jamies like love i get it

obsetress: jamie raising her eyebrows "how many ex girlfriends do you have"

obsetress: dani's like "well, just the one, but"

em: but i COULD have more. if i wanted to. bc i am looking to date more women

em: jamies like ok cool

obsetress: jamie, a little too casually: oh? any, uh. prospects?

em: danis like (patented nervous dani lip bite) maybe but

em: jamies like drat

em: jamies like darn

em: and then she gets home and shes like

em: wait

obsetress: jamie calling dani back "when you said maybe"

obsetress: and dani immediately is like yEAH?

em: jamies like do you think you could ever be interested in me and danis like umm. yeah.

em: jamie hangs up like ok cool

em: long beat

obsetress: oh my GOD

em: REDIALS

---

obsetress: ok last thing i was gonna say

obsetress: i meant to say this earlier and got distracted a hundred times over

obsetress: but um imagine dani helping isabel with her english homework

obsetress: vi helping isabel with her math homework

em: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

em: SOFT

obsetress: well,

em: oh no

obsetress: isabel needing help w her english homework post dani and vi's trying to help and vi's smart n all but

em: get HELP

---

em: dani 'hooking up w my ex is actually a v girlboss of me' is SO funny to me

em: when they get together danis like, oh but havent we all- and jamies like nooo i have very good boundaries

em: except for the perdi vi psychosexual power play ig

obsetress: moment of weakness

obsetress: who wouldn't want to hook up w their hot boss

—

obsetress: when dani goes up to london whatever weekend like friday night to get her closure dinner with vi

obsetress: boom haircut and therapy reveal

em: 3 day bender u say

obsetress: all of a sudden it's sunday night and

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: they spend

obsetress: all fucking weekend

obsetress: in vi's bed

em: sighs dreamily

obsetress: dani playing with her hair

obsetress: "this is nice"

obsetress: "i'm gonna miss your bun though"

obsetress: vi's brain is short circuiting at "i'm gonna miss"

em: later danis like look. jamie. what would you have done? and jamie chokes on her beer and splutters 'not fuck my ex for 3 days straight?!'

obsetress: dani "well you've never fucked v–– oh wait"

obsetress: "you really can't blame me, jamie, you KNOW" jamie: (grumbles)its different... dani: well i mean i guess, technically, you didnt,

obsetress: unrelated in some bad fight at the end vi is like "you can't go isabel needs a–– you're like her–––" and dani's like "a what? say it" and viola's too stubborn and proud and hurt to say it

em: just perpetually bouncing back to the worlds angstiest break up

obsetress: i don't know WHY

obsetress: as someone who HATES ANGST

obsetress: i am so DRAWN to these two

em: its ummmm weirdly cathartic??

em: the whole exes au is based on a joke about them being friends and exes. we are v firm in like. viola and dani reconcile!

em: idk i love a catharsis moment! i love it when a character claws their way to happiness. or even begrudgingly goes to therapy

em: viola can go through a little hell as a treat

obsetress: turns out the only one who could fix her in the end

obsetress: was the one who said it's not my job to fix you

em: dani transformative power of (platonic) love

obsetress: "Platonic"

[vegalocity]

What would happen if Syntax actually did get cured of the venom? Would he still want to hang around Huntsman and Goliath or would he Think 'huh. Maybe having the people who KIDNAPPED ME around me and my family Probably isn't the best idea.' - Pixel Anon

Uhhhhhhhhhhh yeah I think the answer is Not Good Things Will Happen. I think the answer is ‘Y’all are down an integral clan member hope you didn’t have any plans that hinged on technology or science in general right now.’

Honestly I think you don’t even need to throw Minyi and Xiuying into that equation to make that the answer. Even if you assume Syntax was essentially just alone in the world before spiderfication if he got the spider limbs pulled off and the venom drained from his system, no matter WHAT his Backstory is i think he’d just book it, he’d be OUTTA THERE he is GONE. He’s running before the purple has fully faded from his skin.

And when you THROW IN the ladies, then… well even more so. He’s got Minyi in one arm, a duffel bag in the other and loading into the gd car headed for Xiuying’s cabin to lay low for awhile.

(this gets long so it's under the cut)

Like, most people like to assume that there was a sort of… adjustment period when he had just been spiderfied, usually the flavor of ‘someone (usually Huntsman) reminding him of how he is at his base a human, not a spider, not one of them, and the second he stops being useful is the second he’s only good for how he’ll taste’ and even if he wasn’t afraid of whoever it was in the moment, confident in his ability to manuver extra limbs that aren’t there anymore and speed that wasn’t there either, all the physical additions that being a Spider Demon had are suddenly gone and that threat about being the next meal for the clan suddenly feels a lot more real. Even IF the others had actually grown attached to him and Minyi and even Xiuying, the fact of the matter is if these people decided to kill them all he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

Something I could see having kind of a ‘disney channel cartoon’ resolution in this setup is a thing idk if i’ve mentioned before involving Minyi or not. Bc Minyi, as i know i have mentioned, fucking HATES Spider Queen, and at first for awhile there she was very vocal about it, she hated that her dad was working for her, she hated that he wanted her approval, and most of all she hated that whenever she’d say any of that to him, he’d just sort of… not listen.

Even when even Minyi knows what she’s talking about is silly or irrational, she never really feels like Daddy isn’t listening. Even when she’s wrong and he has to explain to her what it was that was wrong, she still felt like he was listening to her as she talked. But not this. Never this. Minyi’s an observant child, her plotline hinges on it, so she knows when Adults tune her out, she knows when she’s being condescended to. And when Daddy tells her that of course he wants to stay Loyal to Spider Queen and she’s Really Cool Actually she can tell he wasn’t listening to a word she’d actually said. Because he never mentions forgiving her for stealing him, or that he knows it might look like she pushes him around but he knows he’s always in control of the situation, or anything that would actually ANSWER her questions or settle her worries. She just… might as well have stomped her foot and yelled like she was half her age.

And now that his head is clear he can look back on that and be… embarrassed? guilty? His daughter was warning him that whole time out of honest fear and concern that she only barely had the vocabulary and emotional complexity to understand And he brushed her off as if it was nothing. And to rub some salt into it now that his head is clear and the unrelenting force of the Spider demanding subserviance to the Queen is gone it’s obvious that his fucking six year old was right about his ‘boss’ being bad news. So of course he figures he owes Minyi an apology, but Minyi’s just happy that he’s listening to her again so it’s all okay in the end.

And if this is the Cyberhunt timeline then can I get an F in the chat for Huntsman? Bc he ain’t even getting a breakup scene, i don’t think he’d even get a letter outside of the ‘I’m leaving the clan and leaving the city with my family. Don’t try to find us’ that goes out to all of the clan (maybe even still implying that Syntax DOES still have that Spider amplification in him so it’s not just a flimsy ‘stay away’ from an equally flimsy human)

I could see Syntax as being pretty mad at himself for letting the relationship happen at all in that context. Like yeah, his brain was all scrambled up and he can’t ACTUALLY be held accountable for decisions made with the fact that he wasn’t really in his right mind for the whole thing, but it still happened. But now it’s over, and- and it was just some echo of venom that hadn’t quite metabolized yet that left a bitter taste in his mouth to acknowledge that those people weren’t really friends, that he wasn’t really-... His brain is still re-adjusting, he’ll be fine in time.

Minyi I don't think would quite get certain parts about this, in her mind, the big boss is always the bad guy and the other people around are just as scared of the big boss as the person they’re bullying. So to her only Spider Queen was the bad guy. So when Daddy turned back to normal and said that they weren’t safe from the bad guys anymore and needed to go stay at Auntie Xiuying’s cabin for awhile she’d thought that Uncle Huntsman and Uncle Goliath hadn’t come along simply because Uncle Goliath didn’t fit in the car. That they’d catch up with them soon. Because surely, they’d ALL be running away from the REAL bad guy together.

So, she figures they must have gotten lost and had to head back home. Thats not good, surely that means she needs to help them find their way here like how she helped Daddy find his way home. Auntie and Daddy were both too scared of Spider Queen finding them to contact her uncles, but Minyi knew how to evade that!

She knows Uncle Huntsman likes to hang out at their apartment because he loves Daddy (she’ll keep that to herself for now, grownups don’t believe in happily ever afters) so if she mails a letter to the apartment he might find it when he eventually comes over.

She knows Uncle Huntsman doesn’t like puzzles, but he’s good with them when its something important. So she makes a cipher and writes the letter in it, copies down the decoder, and chops it up into distinct shapes, seals it all up in a letter closes the envelope with a sticker on it, and slips it into the mailbox.

Eventually Huntsman does find the letter, written in childish scrawl, the puzzle to decode the letter, and the knowledge that theres only one child on this entire damn continent that would be this obnoxiously enigmatic about sending a fucking letter.

But whatever, he wasn’t gonna do anything except sit in the apartment surrounded by things left behind and feel sorry for himself--er, that is, scavenge for anything that could be used by the Queen and take advantage of the internal heating. So he may as well do something. So he puts together the decoder, she’d just sliced it into fourths. Then translated the letter.

“Hi Uncle Huntsman! If you’re reading this that means you unlocked my letter! Yay! I knew you could! So I know you and Uncle Goliath want to leave the bad lady’s clan too and I know you’re only not here because you guys got lost.” and she just… gave them the coordinates for the place her family was hiding away. (not REALLY hiding, it wouldn’t have taken much to track down the cabin’s whereabouts through Xiuying, but the secluded nature of the cabin may as well have been)

I guess… the way the story ends depends on how you want it to end. Because Huntsman has three options, but really only two. Does he accept defeat and burn the letter, or does he do something with the information he now has? Either way he’d be betraying the queen, but he doesn’t have it in him to turn in the coordinates of their lost clan member and his family. Not this time.

There’s this youtuber i like called Breadsword, he does movie analysis, and in his video about Millenium Actress he says something along the lines of ‘My favorite moment in a romance is somewhere in the last ten minutes, after we’ve followed our characters through the buildup, payoff, and premature destruction of what they had, as they go their separate ways and come to the conclusion that it wasn’t meant to last, one rejects it and takes flight in pursuit of the other... our dreams and our love are the only things truly worth running in the name of.

[amoosewritesfanfic]

21: knife play

[+18]

[Tomura Shigaraki x Pro Hero female reader]

[PLEASE READ THE WARNING VERY IMPORTANT STUFF THATS WHY IT'S SO FREAKEN BIG AND RED]

[Warning: some rough sex, knife play that results in lots of blood, shiggys a big ass sadist in this. So just be warned this is probably gonna be gorey so just like be super warned, but keep in mind the quirk and all that jazz that's been mentioned. If you don't like blood, don't read it! I'm warning you if you get triggered by blood and knife play!! Also death so... yeah

So skip it if you don't like it please. 🌺]

[Y'all know I don't own any characters or art and as always all credit goes to original creators]

-

-

You were bound, your arms were behind your back and your legs were being held apart by a chain.

You didn't make a witty remark as you usually would, something about this situation was... dangerous, Shigaraki was at times unpredictable and you definitely didn't want to risk anything to piss him off.

"Ya' know Y/N, I didn't think you were so easy to capture, what being one of the best heroes and all..." Shigaraki trailed off as he eyed you in your casual clothes which consisted of a black skirt, thigh high stockings and a red shirt.

Your hair left loose and a beautiful red lipstick covering your lips.

"What do you want with me...?" You dared to question.

Your wrists were in pain from trying to pull out of the ropes holding you down.

"Hmm~ that is the question now isn't it? I admire you honestly. You're one of the most honest heroes, kinda like All Might, but better. You don't take any of the money given to you for your own selfish desires and you work behind the scenes, but your presence is so well known as a hero no villain has dared to come against you~" he cooed, digging into his coat pocket, pulling out a pocket knife.

Your body tensed slightly as you narrowed your eyes at the villain.

The blade lifting your chin so he could get you to look up into his crimson hues or as means to threaten you into not trying anything.

"And I want to use you, gods I want to use this pretty little face of yours to scare the other heroes and scum into accepting their new fate!" As he spoke he brought the knife down, cutting open the shirt to expose your breasts being held up by a simple black laced bralette.

"And what fate might that be Shigaraki...? You don't think that I would actually comply with such a request." As you spoke Shigaraki grinned, running his free hand through his hair, being sure to keep his hair out of his face so you could get a good look at his face as he knelt down.

"You'll comply Y/N, because if you don't a lot of unnecessary innocents will die and as a hero isn't it your duty to protect them?" He asked, you growled quietly and he grinned.

"The fate that they will be facing is none other than serving under me, see that bastard overhaul had the idea right, but he couldn't pull it off. He couldn't see the bigger picture." The blue haired male paused, this time cutting off the skirt you wore, exposing a simple black laced panties to match your bralette.

"Turn that little concoction into a gas, spread it out far and wide. It'll cause riots and they'll all come crawling out of the woodworks... all those fake shitty heroes. Their excuses would be that they don't have quirks so they can't do their duty... but someone like you. You'd be fine after all you don't have a quirk do you?" Your eyes widened.

You did have a quirk, but your quirk was useless unless you died.

Your quirk was reincarnation.

"No no... wait you do have a quirk don't you?" He asked, the blade dragging along your stomach gently but he pulled it back dragging the blade down your wrists drawing blood, making you clench your jaw.

You didn't answer him.

"Your quirk, I started noticing a pattern while looking through your files, you were always on the brink of death or announced dead but a few days later you were alive by some miracle. Your quirk is reincarnation."

'Fuck' was the only thought running through your mind.

"It's useful... see we're gonna use it... we're gonna fake your death and then kill you again... and again and again until you give up~ until you become my mindless servant~ well you'll still have your brains and whatnot but you won't have a free will." He brought the blade down cutting off the bralette now, the blade leaving a trail of red between your breasts.

"And... oh wow I'm gonna mark every inch of this body..." he mumbled as he shifted you slightly back, exposing your stomach.

The blade dragging along your skin, it was going deep and you were doing your best to bite back any noises that threatened to escape but you couldn't.

You cried out in pain as he carved his name into your stomach.

Crimson liquid dripping from the wound and pooling beneath you.

"See I'm not gonna kill you, not yet... I wanna toy with you..." he said.

Standing up slowly.

Watching you pant as crimson stained your panties, stockings and skin.

"I wanna see how far I can push you until you beg for death or maybe you're a masochist." He trailed off for a moment as he dragged the blade along your chest, drawing blood making you wince slightly.

His fingers, except one, pushed your hair out of your face before he cupped your cheek looking down at you, keeping his pinky lifted.

"What a pathetic hero... crying from a few minor wounds..." he mumbled trailing his thumb over your pouting lip.

"This could change into pleasure if you just agree..." he mumbled, that was a lie.

You knew it, he was gonna kill you.

But you nodded. You dont know what you agreed too, your brain was becoming muffled, any words he spoke you could barely make out in that second.

His hand reached down and decayed the chains holding you down.

You were too shaky to move as he helped you up, you couldn't concentrate, the pain was too much, blood and sweat mixing together burnt so fucking badly.

He had removed his jacket now, he had on a white shirt, but in your pained haze you didn't notice he was hard until you felt it pressing against your blood covered panties, his white shirt staining red with your blood.

You were sitting on a bed an old bed by the looks of it, one that had barely been used but you knew it was old because they hadn't made a mattress like this in some time.

"Hmm...~" he hummed as he ripped off the panties and pulled out his cock, his tip brushing against your pussy folds making you whimper.

You didn't understand what was going on with your body, you thought you'd be feeling pain especially a stinging sensation from your wounds but... no, instead you felt nothing but pleasure, especially since Shigaraki had buried himself deep inside you.

Placing kisses along your throat as he started bouncing up up and down on his cock, your hands tugging a little at his hair as he had you bounce.

Watching your perky breasts bounce along with you.

"Hmm~ theres a good girl just like that~" he cooed as he bounced you faster in his lap, his free hand had a grip on the pocket knife, but you were to wrapped up in your own pleasure to realise or even feel the cold, bloodied blade pressing against your throat.

The moment you two had gotten close to your orgasms was the moment he dragged the blade across your throat, slitting it, bloody instantly gushing out.

This sensation... gods you couldn't describe it.

It was a new level of ecstasy, your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you were basically gargling your blood which spilt from your throat your hands trying to stop the bleeding but you couldn't you couldn't focus your orgasm mixed with death felt way too good, your entire body gave a few more jolts and twitches before you actually blacked out.

Going into that void between life and death as if your soul was resting for a brief moment.

...

When you had woken up, or rather shot up gasping for air, your hands moving for your throat as you tried to feel if the wound was still there...

You were in a different room from the one where you were killed, Shigaraki no where to be seen but you were naked. Some dried blood still staining your fingers and some parts of your body.

"You're awake, that's just wonderful~" he hummed.

"Two days and you're all healed up." He hummed.

"How was dying and cumming?" he asked as he brought a glass of water over to you which you accepted happily chugging it down instantly.

"Good..." you answered trailing off.

Good?

That was your answer?

You should have been trying to escape to get away from him... why were you sitting here acting like he hadn't just killed you.

"I heard that's the best form of ecstasy, a shame I can't try it~" he said with a chuckle.

"Relax Y/N, theres no reason for you to leave yet right?"

"I... no. I don't." You answered truthfully.

You didn't need to leave.

"Good girl~ I'll take good care of you~" he hummed.

-

-

[Also I'm basing this off of that really messed up hentai Euphoria 👀 if you know... you know mate, also please don't kill your s/o while you fucking lmao it's not very plus ultra. Also this is fictional. So... JUST FICTIONAL MATE, also if you read the entire thing well done.]

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Robin//It’s Nice To Have A Friend

hi!! based off this song! apparently this is about two childhood friends falling in love?? what a concept. a concept that my brain did not think of when listening, this is what i assumed it was about. basically its a lot sadder than the actual song.

As soon as the school bell rings, Robin is pushing out of her seat and running to get her coat. All day she’s been locked in a stuffy classroom, destined to watch the snow fall from her desk while Mr Peters drones on about the History of Hawkins. What 10 year old wants to learn about why Hawkins has so many farms? Not this one. She wants to be free outside. As she rounds the corner, she runs straight into another girl, and at first she’s frightened, scared that its going to be one of the popular girls who’ll push her over and call her names. But as soon as she see’s your wide smile, she knows she’s safe and the frown on her face turns into a grin. 

The pale yellow of the wall is a wile contrast to the bright pink coat your wearing, its puffy and far too big and you can barely move your arms in it, but you’re happy and warm and excited to be out of school. The two of you look at each other for a few seconds, matching smiles on your faces and you don’t even have to say anything to her, she already knows what you’re thinking. 

“Last one out is a loser!” You call and take off into a sprint out of the front doors. She laughs loudly and follows you, the both of you narrowly avoiding any teachers that would ruin your fun and then your outside. The ground sparkles with the soft snow, and both of you smile gleefully as you watch your classmates throw snowballs at each other while they walk home. Your breath is visible in the air and you take a few moments just breathing and watching it disappear. 

“I win.” You turn to her once you’ve gotten bored and she rolls her eyes, despite the smile on her face. The tip of her nose is tinted pink due to the cold and a giggle bubbles to your lips before you call her Rudolph. Again she rolls her eyes, telling you she already has a Winter themed name, but you’re not listening, you’re already at the bottom of the steps, your head tilted up so you can look at her. 

The sky is as white as the ground, but neither of you care. Your both too wrapped up in the beauty of how peaceful everything looks. You and Robin live the furthest away from school, meaning you take a different route from the rest of your classmates, plus with the weather, the majority of students will either be getting the bus or being picked up by parents. The bus is far too crowded, no matter if its been snowing or not and you’ve told both of your parents specifically that if it snows they are not to pick you up. Its too pretty to be looked at through a car window. You have to experience it. 

A small sun peeks out from underneath the snow, and its like the brightness of the yellow chalk has melted everything around it. While you stare at the ground Robin pulls her gloves and hat from her pockets and starts putting them on. 

“Did you lose your gloves again?” She asks once she’s finished. You’re still distracted by snow falling around you, its not as heavy as before but it still gets stuck in your hair and when you look at her, she giggles a little at a snowflake stuck on your lashes. 

“Yeah.” You reply. “I put them down outside but when I went back I couldn’t find them.” 

“Here.” She takes a glove from her right hand and gives it to you. You smile gratefully at her and place it over your hands, feeling a tad warmer. She interlocks a gloved pinkie with yours as you start the walk back to your houses. “Wanna hang out?” She says casually and you’re so happy that she wants to spend even more time with you. 

Despite being best friends and neighbours, sometimes you can’t help but feel that you’re not cool enough to hang out with Robin. Which, at any age is ridiculous, but at ten, even more so. And you’ve seen in films where friends go to high school or even middle school and one of them gets popular leaving the other behind and the thought of that terrifies you.

“Sure!” You beam. “Sounds like fun.”  

After a small argument about where to go and an impromptu snowball fight, you finally make it to the arcade. Its bright lights pulling you in, but thats probably because the neon sign makes it stand out against the all white backdrop. The two of you run across the parking lot and through the fronts doors in record time, despite the snow, and your loud laughter gains the attention of a few people. 

The two of you make a beeline for the the back, narrowly avoiding a few older kids as they walk past you both. Once you’ve made it, you instantly start playing while Robin scribbles something on a piece of paper from her bag. She slides it you and she takes over the game for you while you read. Her handwriting is messy and to most people difficult to read, but to you its the easiest thing in the world and your eyebrows furrow as you take in the words. 

“What do you mean this place is haunted?” You turn to look at her and her eyes widen before she stares back at you, your character dying due to the lack of attention making you groan loudly. 

“You don’t say that stuff out loud.” She huffs. “Thats how you get possessed.” 

“This place isn’t haunted.” 

“It is.” She argues. “I heard Heather talking to Andy on my way to the bathroom and they said this place is haunted by some kid who got addicted to playing the games here. And he ended up obsessed with winning one of them so he stayed overnight and ended up dying of exhaustion.” 

“Thats bullshit.” You reply and her eyes widen at your words. “Heather and Andy don’t even know what this place is, and this place is closed at night.” 

“Thats true.” She nods. “But Heathers brother does and Andy’s sister too, they go on dates here. And thats why he died, because there was no one here.” 

“They make sure the place is empty before leaving.” 

“They didn’t that night.” She crosses her arms stubbornly and you send her a look. 

“They do every night. Plus, his parents would have been worried that he didn’t come back so they would have looked for him and Hopper would have found him.”

“Well-” She starts, but she can’t think of anything else to say so she just huffs loudly before going to playing. “Hey, do you want to sleep outside tonight? My dad bought a new tent for the summer.” 

“Yeah! I’ll bring some snacks!” You say excitedly. “Will your mom be okay with it though.” 

“Yeah.” She waves you off. “She’ll be fine with it.” 

It's nice to have a friend...

”Hey, can you remember when you asked your mom if we could sleep in the garden and she told us stop being so ridiculous and that there was no way we were sleeping anywhere other than our beds in three foot of snow?” You ask and Robin chuckles beside you. 

The light pink sky casts a soft hue against her skin making her freckles look like stars scattered across her face. She shifts a little, moving slightly closer to you and she wobbles a little bit on the roof. Your hand reaches out to grab her arm, steadying her and she sends you a grateful smile. A blush creeping up both of your cheeks at the contact. The street below is quiet, the trees swaying a little in the slight breeze and in the distance you can hear a few dogs barking. Its suburban, but its perfect. And there’s no other way you’d rather spend your Friday night. 

The sun sinks behind the houses and you both sigh contently. Your parents have gone on a double date meaning you don’t have to be in bed by 10...despite you both being 16. 

“Do you want to play a game?” Robin asks, still looking out into the night sky. 

“Sure.” You shrug and cross your arms over your chest, trying to keep some of your warmth in. “What are we playing?” 

“20 questions!” She says, her eyes bright as she looks at you and you groan loudly at her suggestion. “The reason we are here and not at Harrington’s party is so we don’t have to play these stupid games.” 

“No, the reason we’re here and not at Harrington’s party is because we weren’t invited.” She says sarcastically. 

“Whatever.” You nudge her softly making her giggle. “Even if we were invited, we wouldn’t have gone. Steve’s an ass, and I already have to deal with Carol in 2nd period English. I don’t need to see her anymore than I already do.” 

“Have you finished complaining?” She raises an eyebrow while looking you up and down. Another groan escapes your lips but you nod slowly and a bright smile appears on her lips. “Okay. What do I not know about you?” She hums and looks up the to stars. You sneak a quick glance at her to just admire her, the way her hair frames her face perfectly, or the soft smile that appears on her lips as she quietly names constellations. “Oh!” She looks back at you, an excited grin on her face and you quickly look away, deciding to focus on your shoes hanging off the edge of the roof. “Would you rather have endless money or endless love?” 

“Really?” You raise an eyebrow. “Thats what you want to know?” 

“Yes.” She replies confidently and you roll your eyes. 

“Endless love.” 

“Really?” Now its her turn to look at you confused, but you just shrug in return and look back out into the street. 

“Yeah. I’ll make sure the person I love is really rich.” You say casually making her chuckle. The fact that you didn’t use any pronouns is such a small thing but it raises Robin’s heart rate and a small part of her can’t help but wonder...what if. “My turn!” You smile gleefully and now she’s worried. She’s known you long enough to know what that look means. And it never ends well. “What’s one secret you’re still keeping from your parents?” It feels like the air has been knocked out of her lungs and the knowing smile that was previously on her face has been completely wiped off, now replaced with a look of uncertainty. 

There’s on secret she’s been keeping not only from her parents, but from everyone. 

“I’m gay.” Her voice is barely above a whisper as she speaks. She refuses to make eye contact with you, instead looking at her legs, but she can feel your gaze on her and its suffocating. 

“Okay.” You shrug and she looks at you quickly. 

“Okay?” She asks. 

“Yeah.” You nod. “Now come on, give me your worst.” You challenge, expecting her to make some sort of stupid joke, but instead her arms wrap around your figure, squeezing you tightly and the sudden action takes you by surprise. You lean into her, also hugging her and the two of you stay like that for a few minutes. She takes a deep breath and the scent of apple and vanilla invades every single part of her. Its you and every time she smells either of them she can’t help but smile. And now she realizes that there’s another secret she’s been keeping from everyone, including herself...she’s in love with her best friend. 

“I’ve been so stressed recently.” She mumbles.

“Yeah...me too.”

“I didn’t want to lose you. I’ve been scared about telling my parents but part of me was even more scared to tell you. You’re my best friend and...I love you.” She sighs and you pull away from her, a frown on your face. 

“You would never lose me.” You reassure her. “And I love you too.” Her hand reaches out slowly, almost anxiously before she rests it on top of yours. Your eyes meet and you send her a bright smile. Her smile isn’t as bright, its like she’s still holding something back but you decide not to press any further. “So, whats your question?” She sends you a look, but its followed by a grateful smile. 

“Would you rather be left at the alter once, but eventually marry again. Or just never marry?” 

It's nice to have a friend...

The church corridor is full of people running around, but Robin it still outside your suite. In all the years of your friendship, she’s never had to deliver news like this. As soon as she saw Steve’s pale face she knew what was happening. The solemn look and the shaking hands gave it away. 

“Robin?” He touches her arm gently and she jumps, squeezing her eyes shut for a second before facing him. “What are you waiting for?” 

“Oh, I dunno. I’m just trying to figure out how I’m going to tell my best friend that her fiancee has left her at the alter. Actually, he left her before he even got to the alter.” She snaps and he flinches at her tone. Robin is always calm, level-headed. Its usually either himself or you that freak out in these type of situations, but then again, none of you have ever been in this situation. Steve’s glad to be your best friend, but he’s even more glad he doesn’t have to be the one to tell you this. “Sorry.” She sighs and leans her head against the door. “Its just...how do I tell her?” Steve thinks for a moment, looking down at the ugly carpet hoping that in the hideous pattern he’ll find an answer. But when it doesn’t appear and he can feel Robin staring at him, he looks back up. 

“Honestly? I don’t know.” 

She opens the door and for a second everything is well with the world. And then...

Apples and vanilla.

“Robin!” You squeal excitedly, your dress flowing around you as you run towards her, one hand holding a glass of champagne and the other reaching towards her while you narrowly avoid a table. “Where have you been? I need help with my dress.” 

You place the glass down and pull her towards you, and before she has the chance to say anything you’ve pulls your hair to the side, exposing your bare back to her and she feels exactly the same as she did when she was 16 and coming out. 

“Can you do my dress up please? I can’t reach and I don’t know where everybody else is?” You sound so happy...so excited. 

And then she feels angry. Hot, white rage. Because why would anyone want to leave you? How could anyone leave you? Perfect, pretty you. That can make people laugh and leave a whole room breathless just with a smile all at the same time. Daniel was lucky to have you. She thought that as soon as she met him, and despite the pain that she felt when she saw you go through all the milestones with him and not her. She saw how happy he made you and so she decided she’d be in pain every single day if it made you happy. But now. Now you’re both going to be in pain. And there’s nothing she can do about it. She’s going to have to tell you the worst news of your life and she can’t make it better. She can’t bring him back, Steve’s already tried looking for him. She can’t take it away...god she wishes she could take it away. 

“Robin?” You ask, your voice filled with worry as you sit her down on the small sofa, your guiding hand still in hers even when you’ve both sat down. You’ve only ever seen Robin cry a handful of times, so why is she crying on your wedding day? “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m so sorry.” She sobs and you look at her confused. Its only when she finally makes eye contact with you that you understand. You know every single look. Every smile, frown, quirk of an eyebrow and even though you’ve never seen this one before, you know. Your face falls, the confused smile crumbles, replaced with a look of pure devastation and Robin is never going to get that image out of her head. Her arms wrap around your shaking figure, pulling you into a tight hug and the more she shushes, the louder you cry. 

Steve’s still outside, waiting for Robin to come back out but when he hears you crying he knows she won’t be out for a while, so he decides to make himself useful and break the bad news to everyone else. What else is the best man supposed to do?

After an hour, the church is empty and your loud cries have turned into small sniffles. The shoulder of her pale pink dress is covered in mascara, lipstick and tears but she doesn’t care. She needs to get you home. 

“Come on.” She helps you stand and you laugh bitterly as you see your reflection the mirror. Smudged make-up, crumpled dress and a completely pathetic expression. “You don’t by chance have any other clothes here?” She asks but she already knows the answer. “Thats okay.” 

As soon as your out the church, bells ring and its like the universe is laughing at you. Robin looks around, the bright blue sky a huge juxtaposition from what is happening below and she hurries you into her car. The rice crunching underneath your heels reminding you of snow and you can’t help the small smile that appears momentarily as you remember your childhood. 

“You okay?” She asks once the two of you are buckled in. 

“Fine.” You mutter and she sends you a pointed look. 

“Y/n.” She says and before you know it you’re crying again. She sighs before starting the short drive back to your house. “Its going to be okay.” She looks at you once your parked outside your home, but you’re not looking at her. You’re gaze is focused on your front door, your mom standing just outside it, a solemn expression on her face and based on the amount of cars parked around your house, you both know she’s not the only one thats going to look like that. “Do you want to sleep at mine tonight?” 

“Yeah.” You nod. “Robin?” You ask, finally looking at her. “Thanks for having my back.” 

“Yeah.” She nods, a tight smile on her face. “Everyday.” 

Despite Mrs Buckley’s attempts to talk to you both, Robin practically pushes you up the stairs, sending her mom a look before following you up. Any other time you’ve walked through the threshold of this house, its always felt like home. But today, it feels empty. Although, you’re not entirely sure if its just you that feels empty. 

You’re already out of your dress and raking through Robin’s drawers by the time she’s walked through the door. She puts the dress outside the door while you get changed and once she’s turned around you’ve already in bed, the covers pulled right up over your head. 

“Hey Y/n?” She asks but you don’t respond. “Do you want to sleep outside tonight? My dad got yet another new tent...and I don’t think my mom will mind.” She sighs when she still doesn’t get a response so she decides to go to your house and try and tell everyone what little information she knows. 

“Robin?” You call out, your voice barely above a whisper when you hear the door open.

“Yeah?” She’s looking at you instantly, and her heart breaks once she see’s how broken you are. 

“Please don’t leave.” 

“Of course not.” She smiles and closes the door, climbing into bed beside you. She’ll change once your asleep, but right now she needs to make sure you’re as okay as possible. “We can stay in bed all weekend if you want.” 

“Yeah.” You nod. “Robin?” You ask and she hums in response, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “It's nice to have a friend.” 

[yulmoldauer]

some things are better left unsaid (Tyson Jost/Male OC): Chapter 2

part 1

Chapter 2

Summary: Mason has to deal with the events of the previous night.

Warnings: uh as you can guess if you read the first part, there’s gonna be homophobia/transphobia talked about. Otherwise, there shouldn’t be anything that needs a warning? If I’m wrong just let me know :)

Words: 2,319

Notes: I don’t think I have much! This is like a lot of flashbacks and I’m sorry but that's character building baybee!!! I promise after this it’ll be more present-based stuff. I just love the character and wish I could spew out my brain and make it understandable lol

Fuck.

That was the only thought Mason had upon waking up. The implications of the previous night hit him like a ton of bricks. His hangover was just an added bonus.

The party had been fun, obviously, but Tyson was still here. Tyson had seen his top surgery scars.

“When did you have surgery?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. A medical degree and some knowledge on what other surgery would leave these scars would be helpful. Mason really did not want to lie, but he wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to do.

Being drunk wasn’t helping, either. In his mind, the world was ending and his career was over after the last fuck up that got him traded…

Rationally, he just burst into tears. Not a dramatic scene or anything, he just felt his eyes watering very quickly and suddenly the tears were rolling down his face.

“Oh, shit. Okay,” Tyson set the water down and hurried to his friend. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was- here, will you feel better if you get a shirt on?”

Mason only nodded, allowing Tyson to help him get the shirt on and pull him for a hug.

This just made Tyson think that the scars were from some shitty, traumatic event or something with extremely bad memories. Note to self: don’t fucking ask about them again was written in large letters in his brain.

He did factor in the extremely likely possibility that Mason was drunk and--as anyone with a brain knows--Mason was a hundred times more dramatic when drunk. Still, though, if he was crying, it couldn’t be a good thing.

At least Tyson had been nice enough to leave him some meds and water after forcing him to go to bed.

“You hungry?” Tyson asked softly from the doorway. “I heard you rumbling around in here, I wasn’t watching you sleep,” he clarified quickly.

“Didn’t think you were,” Mason chuckled. “No, I’m not hungry. Thank you, though. You can help yourself to whatever. You know that.”

“Yeah, I made some toast earlier. Fun birthday last night?” Tyson smiled and sat on the edge of the bed as Mason laid back against the headboard and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“You could say that. Thanks, though. Seriously, I had a ton of fun.”

“Yeah, of course. I didn’t stop you from posting anything on social media, though. I dunno why you like taking videos so much.”

“Then I can save them and rewatch them later,” Mason scoffed like Tyson was an idiot. After a few more seconds Tyson moved to get up mere milliseconds before Mason started talking.

“About last night…”

He hesitated, waiting for some kind of confirmation that Tyson was willing to talk about this. There was no sense putting it off, right?

Tyson just raised his eyebrows. “The scars?”

That earned a nod and Tyson sat back down.

“They’re… shit. Okay, sorry. I never meant to lie or anything--fuck that, I never lied. I just... “

“Dude, if it’s something you don’t want to talk about, that’s fine.”

Mason groaned quietly and shook his head. “No, it’s just… I don’t know how to explain it.”

“If you wanna talk, just say it. I’m not gonna freak out or anything. If you don’t wanna, that’s okay too,” Tyson reassured gently.

Truthfully, the curiosity was killing him. It was rare that an injury happened and they didn’t share it with each other. Mason took a few more breaths before nodding. Psyching himself up.

“They’re from my top surgery.”

Silence.

More silence.

Mason officially wanted to die. He was going to have to request another team change, go through the legal battle of making sure he didn’t get outed--

“Like…?” Tyson asked quietly with raised eyebrows.

“Like I had tits and got them removed the summer before I went to college.”

That may have been a relatively vulgar way to put it, but it was true. It was the simplest and least-awkward way he could think to put it.

“Oh,” Tyson nodded a few times. “Thats--I never knew--I mean, I couldn’t, like, tell or anything…”

“Yeah, that was the point,” he sighed and took a sip of the water on the nightstand. “Noone was supposed to know or be able to tell or whatever.”

“So literally no one knows?”

“Not literally, no. My family knows, obviously.”

“But the league?”

At the defeated sigh that escaped his friend, Tyson quickly backtracked. “You don’t have to get into it, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be prying--”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just… a long story that I don’t know if you actually want to hear or if you’re just being nice.”

“Of course I wanna hear, stupid. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”

Mason narrowed his eyes at the name, but it was quickly followed with a small smile.

It did take a bit to explain everything, though. How he was drafted into his previous team, everything was fine, and then someone had taken an ungodly amount of time to hit the showers at the same time Mason had been in there.

“Oh, fuck! You scared me,” Mason huffed when he heard the water turn on just across from him.

“What’cha being jumpy for?” the taller guy laughed.

“I’m not jumpy,” Mason grumbled, turning the water off quickly. He wasn’t even sure all the soap was out of his hair, but that didn’t matter. He just needed to get the hell out of there.

“Are you okay, man? You’re being weird-” the other man asked genuinely and glanced over his shoulder. This had been at the same exact time Mason had been trying to just leave as quickly as possible.

There was a few moments of silence that felt like years as the younger grabbed for a towel to cover himself up.

“Are you--?”

“Please, just forget--” Mason tried, but the guy was already turning his water off and grabbing his own towel.

“No, I’m not fucking--are you kidding me, Wright?” he nearly shouted as he stormed out of the room with Mason in tow. “Are you actually kidding me? How the hell have you gotten away with this--”

“I haven’t ‘gotten away with’ anything, you dickhead. It’s none of your business in the first place.”

“It doesn’t matter, you don’t belong here. You know they’ve got the women’s league now, right? It’s not like-”

Mason just shook his head, staring at the floor of the changing room while they were both yanking clothes on as quickly as possible. He didn’t want to hear what was coming next, all the awful shit he’d say.

It wasn’t even what he was saying that was the issue. Mason had heard just about everything at this point and had always had a pretty thick skin. It was the fact that someone he trusted--someone he’d considered family at this point--was saying it.

Didn’t he realize that it wouldn’t be like this if Mason could help it?

“Hey, what the hell is going on?” the head coach cried over them, walking into the room. He hadn’t been concerned about the loudness until it was unbearably obvious that the shouting was getting increasingly angrier and angrier. He wasn’t about to bring up the fact that Mason looked genuinely scared, as if worried about his safety.

The other guy was pissed, going off about how he’d been lied to, he’d been sharing a locker room, dressing room, and showers with a lot of unkind names, and that he wouldn’t keep playing for the team while acting like this never happened.

They ended up in the coach’s office, Mason attempting to towel dry his hair while the other blew off steam. He just didn’t want anyone to see him upset.

Once they were separated, lawyers were brought in with papers and agreements, and the head coach asked Mason if he’d like to request a trade or anything. It wasn’t like he had the option to say no, but he wasn’t exactly upset to go somewhere where he wasn’t worried about going to the bathroom without getting yelled at or beat up by a guy way bigger than himself.

He remembered to thank management before he left for working overtime, it seemed like, to figure out who would take him on such short notice and mid-season.

He was a good defenseman, sure, it just wasn’t easy on such short notice. But what the star player wants, the star player gets.

Colorado was the quickest to take the young defenseman about a year ago, and the rest was history.

“Holy shit,” Tyson murmured after a few quiet moments.

“I thought I was done. I honestly didn’t think anyone was going to pick me up, I thought my career was over. Can you fucking imagine that? Retiring at, like, 22?”

“Yeah, no, that’s… fuck, dude. I’m so sorry that happened.”

“It’s fine, I don’t even really care. I’m happier here, anyway. Especially since it’s not like you’re saying I’m a creep or a fucking… whatever.”

“Does anyone else know? In the league, I mean.”

Mason nodded. “Took a different approach when I got here. Bednar, bare minimum management, and PR knows. PR because if someone ends up outing me, I thought it would be a good idea to have some sort of plan on what to do. And medical staff always has, obviously. I think they know more about me than I do.”

Tyson nodded along, looking at his friend again after a few moments.

“You want this to stay between us, then? Or…?”

The fact that Tyson was even asking made Mason want to cry again. After being fucked over god-knows how many times when it came to being trans, Tyson was the one confirming he’d keep the secret. He wouldn’t give anyone any kind of hint unless Mason wanted him to.

“Yeah.  Between us, please? I dunno, I might come out to the guys eventually, just so they know. I just… I don’t know what I’d do if they react badly--”

“They wouldn’t,” Tyson said quickly. “I promise you they wouldn’t. And even if someone did have an issue with it, they’d just fucking stay quiet. They’d be in the tiny minority.”

“I just don’t know if I can take being traded and going through everything again, Tys.”

At the wavering in Mason’s voice, Tyson reached out and squeezed his friend’s hand.

“You’re not going to get traded over stupid shit like that. Not here, at least.”

“You don’t know--”

“I mean, yeah, I don’t know a lot. But you already said that the most important people who need to know do, they’re okay with it, and it sounds like they’ve got your back. I’ve got your back, too. And if you end up telling the rest of the guys, they’ll have your back too. Even if you end up not telling them, I’m still here for you, man.”

Mason felt about eight tons of weight fall off his shoulders at that. How did he end up with such an amazing friend?

“I just can’t really come out publicly for… I dunno. A while. Ever, maybe? I don’t know.”

“That’s gotta suck. I mean, everyone’s got their shit they want to keep private but… I dunno what I’d do if I literally couldn’t talk about something.”

Especially with how amazing it would be if Mason was able to be that representation for kids like he was who want to play hockey, Tyson thought. The amount of LGBT kids and teenagers who get driven out of hockey is immense, that’s never been a secret. To see an LGBT guy do so well would be amazing, it just sucked it wasn’t possible for Mason to talk about.

And he did want to talk about it. It would suck to come out and deal with that, but if it helped other people he would do it without hesitation. That’s the kind of guy Mason had always been.

“You’re sure you’re not mad that I, like, kinda lied to you about this up until now?” Mason asked, breaking Tyson out of his train of thought.

“Lie?” Tyson furrowed his eyebrows. “Not telling someone something isn’t lying, first off. Second, its none of my fucking business unless you wanted me to know. Even then, this would be a stupid thing to get in the way of being friends with you. I know you call me an idiot all the time, but I like to think I’m not that stupid.”

“You’re definitely not,” Mason chuckled, flipping his blanket off of him and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He shot Tyson a genuine, appreciative smile before downing the painkillers with some water. “Let me get dressed and I can drive you home, if you want. I feel bad making you wait so long,” he murmured. It was well into the afternoon, and even though Tyson constantly reassured that it was fine, he didn’t care, Mason still felt guilty.

It was very clear Mason was hungover when he and Tyson left the building and got into his car, but that was fine. It had just confused Tyson when Mason unbuckled in front of his apartment building.

That is, until he was pulled into a tight hug.

“Thank you so much,” Mason whispered. “Seriously. I… I dunno how to actually tell you how much I appreciate you being so chill.”

Tyson hugged him for a few moments before shaking his head. “It’s really not much to just… I dunno what to call it. Not be an asshole?”

Mason laughed as he let go, allowing Tyson to open the door. “You can text me if you have any questions about… anything. I don’t tell a lot of people, but the people who do know I’m pretty open with.”

“Yeah, of course. See you later, man. Go get rehydrated, okay? You look like shit.”

“Fuck you!”

[goodnightkisseu]

Lee Hoseok - By My Side

→ pairing: lee hoseok (wonho) x reader

→ genre: fluff, guardian angel!au

→ word count: 3217

→ warnings: none~

→ summary: your parents always thought that Hoseok was the name of your imaginary friend. In reality, he was your guardian angel. However, sometimes... sometimes he was a bit... overprotective...

→ masterlist // guardian masterlist // monsta x masterlist

note: I reblogged the masterlist post about this yesterday, but I’m doing a mini-collab with @prettywordsyouleft​ and @this-song-thats-only-for-you​​! There was a ‘who is your monsta x guardian angel based on your sign’ post going around on twitter, so the members we’re writing for are based off our results from that! Admittedly, there’s a running joke amongst us that I always get Wonho in those, but I am not going to complain XD We’ll each be doing one post each and I’m the first one up! Please enjoy~! ^^

- ash <3

"Your daughter… she's got quite the… imagination. The entire time she was here, she couldn't stop talking about someone named Hoseok. Apparently, he's a good friend of hers," your neighbor relayed to your mother when she came to pick you up, the lightest giggle escaping the woman's lips. 

An apologetic look was plastered all over your mother's face, but you were too young to understand her concerns at the time. "I'm so sorry. Hoseok is… he's her imaginary friend. She talks about him a lot at home as well. I don't feel right about correcting her just yet. She's still so young…"

Your neighbor shook her head. "No, don't discourage her. It's good for her to have an imagination! It means that your daughter is creative. And honestly, it seemed like my Hyunwoo had a wonderful time playing with her and Hoseok. Let me know if you need me to watch her again, okay? She's always welcome here," she reassured your mother, and after another slew of 'thank you's, your mother took you home. 

As most children aged, they let go of their imaginary friends. It was a natural part of growing up. But for you, it wasn't so simple. Your parents had hoped that by the time that you turned seven that you would stop mentioning Hoseok altogether. They hoped that your friends at school would drive away the imaginary one in your mind, yet his name still left your lips. At first, you didn't quite understand why it was such a big deal to them. Hoseok felt very real to you, so the fact that they kept telling you he didn't really exist was… strange. You were young, so you didn't quite know how to voice to them that he felt very much alive, very much like a real person in your life. It wasn't until you were a little older when you understood why you could see him, feel him, but your parents couldn't.

Hoseok was your guardian angel.

To ease your parents' concerns, you never spoke his name out loud again, but Hoseok never disappeared. He was always by your side, helping you through each hardship that you faced. Every time you had a hard decision to make, Hoseok was there to help you navigate them. Whenever your emotions ran wild, he was there to calm you down, to talk you through your feelings. Every heartbreak, even though he tried to protect you from them as best he could, he was also there to pick up the broken pieces, mending that fragile heart back together. Whether others knew of his existence or not, Hoseok was indeed your closest friend. You almost could have gone as far as to say that there was nothing you would change about him. 

Almost. 

Hoseok was… overprotective. 

You figured that part of this was natural for a guardian angel. After all, he was obviously present in your life to assist you through tough situations that were thrown at you. This you understood, but with Hoseok, sometimes the smallest things sent him into overdrive. When you were little, he had a fit every time you got on a bicycle or tried to climb a tree. In your teens, it was your choice in friends. And now… well, it ranged from guys you dated to something as simple as the things you ate.

"Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?? You shouldn't be eating that!" Hoseok exclaimed once when you stood before him with a rather delicious looking slice of pie. 

"Hoseok, what are you talking about? It's a banana cream pie. You know that I'm mildly allergic to cherries and not bananas," you stated, your fork dipping into that small slice of heaven. You were about to take your first bite when quick footsteps approached, and the male took it right out of your hands.

"Did you also happen to forget that you were mildly allergic to something else? Almonds. There are almonds on top of that pie," he pointed out. The light-colored nuts garnished the top of the pie, sprinkled decoratively on the whipped cream.

A pout unconsciously formed on your lips as your brain tried to find a way to reason with him. "Okay, but it's only mildly. Hoseok, you know it's just a small tickle in my throat. I'll be just fine, so give me back the pie," you said, dismissing his concerns.

Unsurprisingly, your angel was not having any of this. "You say that it's just a mild reaction, but what if this is the one time it becomes more than that? You know that your allergies have gotten worse as you've gotten older. When you were younger, you weren't even allergic!" he countered, holding the delicious dessert just out of your reach. 

"The doctor advised me to take allergy medications if I feel any level of discomfort after eating something, and it should go away. I'm an adult, Hoseok. I can take care of a food allergy on my own."

"It's a no go," he replied firmly, standing his ground and hearing you sigh in defeat. He knew that you didn't have the energy to argue with him that day, and so, he won. Oh, and he ate the pie too.

Arguments like this were common with Hoseok. The two of you had been together since you were kids. It was natural to argue like this with someone you were close to. Even so, you had lost count of the number of arguments in which Hoseok usually used your own personal safety and wellbeing as the reason why you shouldn't do something. Yet, you knew why Hoseok was like this. When you were much younger… you almost met a terrible fate.

You were on vacation overseas with your parents. It was a lovely resort city, and on that particular day, your small family had ended their day at the beach. Your parents were walking along the shore, taking their time. In your overexcitement to explore your new environment, you ran ahead of them towards a small pier. You weren't sure how it happened, whether it was a weak and rotted piece of wood, or due to your own clumsiness, but somehow you fell right through and into the water below. You weren't a strong swimmer, you were barely able to doggy paddle at that age. Hoseok watched you frantically try to stay afloat, and his heart couldn't take it. Against every single one of his teachings, he leapt in to save you. He wasn't supposed to, there were consequences to his actions, of course, but Hoseok took each punishment without a single complaint because you were safe. And ever since, he never left your side… even if it was a bit overbearing at times.

But, if you were, to be honest, you didn't mind it most of the time. Hoseok's friendship and his comforting presence were enough to let you overlook this quirk of his. You never went longer than a couple hours without talking to each other. You never thought that anything could put the two of you on such different sides, shouting at each other like you were now. However, here you both were, red-faced and screaming. And it was all because of the overseas trip that your friends had planned.

At first, Hoseok was okay with the trip. It had been a while since you had done something with your friends. And if anything, it was going to be a good chance for all of you to catch up. You had always wanted to travel overseas together, and this was the one time when all of your lives aligned just perfectly. You had told Hoseok that your friend Jenna was the one planning the trip and that she wanted to keep it a surprise. Yet, the moment you told him the details, your guardian angel grew upset.

"You can't go to an island!" he exclaimed, the moment that you relayed to him that Jenna had found a fantastic package for an island getaway. "I mean, I'll be there with you to keep an eye on you, but don't you think going to a place surrounded by water is tempting fate?"

"Hoseok, can you calm down? Look, I tried to convince them to go somewhere else. I suggested big cities or even a pension somewhere, but they are all very adamant on this beach trip. They want to show off all of the hard work that they put into their bodies this winter. I tried really hard, but they weren't swayed. Look, I promise to be careful, to stay as far from the water as they'll allow, and like you said, you'll be with me. Please don't make such a big deal out of this," you tried to reason, but Hoseok's brow only furrowed deeper.

"Can you blame me from making a big deal out of it? This was how I almost lost you as a kid. If anything like that happens again, I can't do anything for you. I'm not allowed to," he shot back, watching as your own brow furrowed in reply. He wasn't backing down, but he could tell that you weren't either.

"All I can promise is that I'll stay away from the water, but the trip has already been decided. Jenna already booked the tickets."

"Well, in that case, you aren't going."

Hoseok's sudden decision caught you off guard. "Excuse you?"

"I said you aren't going."

You let out a quick breath, suddenly irritated by Hoseok's behavior. "You aren't my father, Hoseok. You can't just tell me what to do. I can make my own choice, and you can choose whether or not to come along."

 Hoseok scoffed in response, something you didn't often hear from him. "You're right. I'm not your father, but I am your guardian angel. Your safety is my priority, and if you aren't going to listen, I'm going to forbid you from going."

You could feel the anger rising within you. Hoseok had this habit of treating you like a child when he was trying to make a point about your safety, and you hated it. You knew he used this and your health as points in his argument because they were often hard for you to dispute. But this time, you had reached your breaking point. "You can't forbid me from doing anything."

 "I can. And I just did. Don't do it."

"No, no, you can't! You can make suggestions for what I should and shouldn't do. You can advocate for one thing over another. However, you have no control over my actual decisions, Hoseok!" you retorted, practically screaming at your angel. At this point, you could see his demeanor change, but you were riled up, and you couldn't stop yourself. 

"Look, I love you, I love you a lot. You're the one person in this world that I am the closest to. We've been through everything together, but you don't get to use my safety and my health against me every time you want to tell me what to do. I let you dictate a lot of things in my life. I let you choose the meals we eat, the paths that we take home from work. That's all fine. But this, this decision, you don't get to make. You can take your overbearing self elsewhere!"

The room grew silent, the air thick with each word that left your lips. It felt like it was suffocating you, and you could slowly feel the regret creeping in. You didn't mean to lash out at Hoseok like this, but you felt like it needed to be said. Even though you felt like you took it too far, nothing could have prepared you for Hoseok's reply. 

"I am your guardian angel. I understand that my actions can be read as too overprotective, but I do all of this because I care about you. Yet, you don't seem to understand that, do you," His words were low, and you felt a chill run down your spine as he spoke. This didn't sound like your Hoseok.

 "I care about you so much, and I always have. That didn't change even after I was punished for saving you. But you don't care about that now that you're alive, do you? But what if… what if that day…"

 Your eyes widened. You knew what your angel was implying, and you felt yourself grow cold. "Ho-hoseok, what are you saying??" you stuttered. 

 "I think I regret saving you. I'll save you the hassle of having to argue with me. Have fun on your trip." His words rolled off his lips with minimal effort, and within seconds, he was gone. 

 Just like that, you were alone, your words caught in your throat. You had never expected such behavior from Hoseok, nor did you expect his words to affect you as they did. They cut far deeper than any insult you had received. Suddenly, you felt numb, your heavy body trudging its way to your bed, no longer caring about this trip with your friends.

You didn't sleep well that evening, and part of you had hoped that Hoseok would return in the morning so that the two of you could talk about what happened. You wished to find him beside you, or maybe even out in the living room, watching the neighborhood cat that walked by every morning. But, much to your dismay, he wasn't there. There wasn't a single sign of him. You couldn't even feel his presence anymore. Your heart dropped when you realized the impact that your words had. He was gone, and you didn't know how to get him back. But your life had to go on, so you tried to focus on your work. 

The thing was, nothing about your day ever felt quite right. You felt uneasy proceeding through your rather uneventful life. You didn't even feel that same comfort that used to engulf you whenever you came to work. Though you tried to hide your dampened spirit, your coworkers still caught on. You played it off with excuses such as you hadn't slept well or that you just had a lot on your mind, not wanting to worry them, but you didn't know how well it worked. Because the truth was that you hurt. Your heart was in pain, and every night you came home to your empty apartment, you felt like another part of you was missing. Your energy was nonexistent, and by the end of the week, you didn't even have the willpower to eat. Instead, you collapsed onto your bed, letting sleep consume your exhausted body and spirit.

When you finally woke up, it was hard for you to discern how long you had been asleep. It was still dark out, so either you had only slept a handful of hours, or it had rolled over to the next day. Either way, you weren't sure how much you cared. Well, at least, until the aroma of food drifted past your senses. In particular, it smelled like one of your favorites.

For a moment, you wondered if you were still asleep. You definitely hadn't the energy to make your favorite dish, and there was no one else around to make it either. In your dream, anything could have been possible. Still, curiosity and hunger got the better of you, and you slowly got out of bed, hoping to get to the end of this mystery. Your feet made slow progress out of your room, and the moment they hit the cold hardwood floors made you regret forgetting your slippers. Your steps were tentative, particularly as they drew closer to the kitchen. You didn't know what to expect when you got there, but you proceded, the sizzling sound bringing you in. When the individual standing at the stove became clear to you, you almost gasped, though you stopped yourself from doing so. Still, even if you didn't make a noise, your presence to him was already known.

"You haven't been eating properly, and it seems like you lack energy. I thought making your favorite would help," the man stated evenly, not turning to face you.

You couldn't tell from his voice how he was feeling, and that almost made you hesitate in responding to him. "I… I didn't expect to see you again, Hoseok…" you murmured, choosing your words carefully. You fussed with your sweater sleeves to keep your hands warm, but it was also to distract yourself.

The slightest turn of his head signified that your response was not one he had been expecting. He let out a gentle sigh, realizing how on edge you must be with him in your presence again. "I'm… I'm your guardian angel. Whether I'm around you or not, I can tell how you're doing. I knew you were in pain, I could feel it. It made me realize how I blew this situation out of proportion. I made a mistake," he said sincerely. He turned off the stove and spun around to face you, the caution and concern evident on his face. "I'm really sorry."

His apology came far quicker than you had anticipated. His words made you realize that he also had a hard time being apart from you. Throwing caution to the wind, you slowly approached him. "I… I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said those things about you…"

Hoseok shook his head. "They weren't wrong, though. You stated facts. I am far too overprotective of you. I worry about every little thing you do, but you're right. You're not a child anymore. You're an adult, an adult that can make her own decisions. If you want to go on this trip with your friends, then you should. I want you to be safe, but I also can't stop you from living. I'm just your angel. I'm only supposed to guide you, not run your life…"

"But you're also my best friend, Hoseok. I shouldn't have said that you were trying to run my life. I know that you care for me, and you're also important to me, just like the others are. Not having you here… I was so lonely, and I felt lost…"

Gently, Hoseok wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into the tightest hug. It was the type of embrace that brought you comfort. It was the type of hug that you associated with your best friend, and no one else. It was the warmth and safety that only Hoseok could provide. "I'm sorry for leaving your side. I won't do it again. And I promise I won't lose my temper like that again. And I'll go with you to make sure that you're okay on the trip," he promised.

"Thank you for coming back…" you said quietly, your face buried in his chest.

"I don't regret it. I don't regret saving you. And I promise you that from now on, I will always be here when you need me." 

From that moment on, Hoseok's priorities changed. It was no longer about keeping you out of harm's way. Instead, his new resolve was to guide you towards the most fulfilling life you could have… and you were happy to have him there... every step of the way…

[kaorei-endgame]

Game of the Year #4: Pathologic 2

You went in with 10 years knowledge on the subject, read those Rock Paper Shotgun Articles, consummate played-by-proxy nerd. And if you come in feeling like that, you've got a clean head start in the first few days of Pathologic 2: The Pandemic Simulation RPG (And Meta Commentary On Gaming (And The Nature of Fiction (And Perhaps Humanity Itself?)) and proto survival sim elements). Like it's turbulent and your health meters drain quick, but you get the jist. Water is short so you learn where the water drums are. Break borrow and steal. Deus Ex house-scavenging on a time limit. That is a genre of game you can wrap your mind around. On day two the plague begins, infected district is cordoned off on the map (which you know--because you have read Rock Paper Shotgun--is shaped, and named, like a cow's various parts, pre-butchering. metaphor!!) and your little virtual desire paths shift to compensate. A timed meeting with a medical colleague on the other side of the city now includes a 5 minute detour. Your nightly visit to harvest herbal curatives from an abandoned village in the steppe slides back into a midnight run, and then an early morning visit as the tasks consume you. Treat these people or we'll withhold your (paltry) salary. But also, heal your friend or his whole district succumbs. But also, buy a cloak to cover your face or you'll succumb. But also, you can't afford a cloak, which is why you're stomping through this abandoned village in the dark trying to remember where the fucking weeds to pick up are because you can't even afford a fucking cloak, much less real medicine!! Which is why you spend like a full quarter of every day making the trip here and back which is why there are now a half-dozen infected districts, all your friends are dead or dying, and the military has brought out the flamethrowers! The game has to be almost over, right? This fucking bull I scrounged up to buy on Day 1, when the world was simple and kind, is supposed to talk to me on the worst day of my life and you're telling me that's not right now, on Day 5 of the 13 total days in this game??

So it's kind of like that. Pathologic 2 arrests my functions through mechanical overwhelm. You're always on the knife's edge of poverty, and the next trashcan is always going to be the one that has a sewing needle in it that you can combine with the cloth you also don't have yet to make a pocket and expand an inventory you couldn't possibly own enough to fill with anything but more trash.

In 2020, this sounds close enough any survival sim but Pathologic's loop is so attenuated by long travel times and finely diced resources that you will never become comfortable. Here's a Terraria where you mine every copper vein you see while everyone around you slowly dies, but not so slow that you can't convince yourself you can save them, or if not them.... maybe the next one? Holy shit, this game is hard, yeah, but wow! Am I a doctor? Am I doing triage?

You build a base, and it's never stocked because you're living out of your coat pockets. Oh, haha, you think you're a doctor? Well you can't afford medicine, as stated, and your guess-work home remedies require infected organs harvested on the sly when you pray no one's looking, because they will run you out of the neighborhood for it. Haha, remember? You spent the literally whole first day, the only infection-free day, skulking in alley ways because the whole town was ready to kick the shit out of you Rambo-style for being a wandering vagrant?

And you still got the temerity to call yourself a doctor? Bitch, you're a fucking haruspex, and that much is clear in how a certain percentage of the population views you as moooore or less one step removed from the anthropomorphic nomad people who roam the plains (and who are, not coincidentally, being targeted by hate crimes as the plague sets in). Half of the tinctures you brew in your lab go into your belly to delay the onset of hunger or sleep for a few more hours. You crash on any couch you can find before the meter bottoms out. You spent less time diagnosing patients yesterday than you did scrounging through the garbage for enough refuse to trade for a fish from a midnight merchant called the Dead Item Seller who for some reason wants bloody bandages, and the fish didn't even fill up your whole belly. Barely even 40%. And the day starts anew, another two cornerstones of the town are sick and dying but what else is new. Have to go watch the giant plague doctors put on a secret play in the town's enormous baroque(????who cares???) theater we've converted into an emergency ward so don't wake the patients, please, you quasi-metaphorical thespians! Oh, my uncle or some shit says there's a hole in the center of the earth where all the blood goes down and THATS the problem?? 😰Well haha I don't think anyone's got enough Orange+ Tincture for a hole that big, Grandad!!🤣 Maybe better find another shaman trained in the ancient ways?? This one's barely making rent.😬 Oh the RAT KING wants to talk to me now? Is he gonna HELP? is he gonna GIVE ME DRUGS OR A FUCKING COAT?🤬

Please, it's 2020, 50% of the people reading this use horror movies as a safety valve to experience trauma and inure themselves to it. In that way, I feel I am among friends. Pathologic 2 is a mechanical expression of that release valve, maybe? A way to touch all those anxieties--Gotta Work, Gotta Rest, Gotta Eat, Gotta Talk To People, Gotta Do My Mindfullness Meditation, Gotta Be Responsible For Building My Own Boundaries In Personal Relationships And Also A 401K or an IRA If I Have The Time, You Know, On The Weekend, By The Way I Belong To A Class Of People The World Unilaterally Hates :)--so I think a good way to manage that.... for people like me.... who have brains who don't manage things well without external motivation.... which, for them, has been historically linked to trauma.... is to play a video game where everyone looks at you like you're sick while THEY'RE all dying of the fucking plague. Is that it? I don't know. It's 2020. So maybe that's just it.

[stenoseeker]

Aug. 07.20

Are introductory posts ever really needed? Do all blogs have them? Who knows, I barely read any but I have liked peeking at stenography centric blogs in the past. I used to check plover ever day for updates, looking for blogs of past students, or just to see the journey of other people. It’s fun to see people succeed. Or just how people’s brains work, how someone could go to 225 in a little over 9 months, or be stuck at 160 for the better part of a year. 

Anyways, that is to say, Hi, hello, I’m making a blog. I have the next year off school, I failed the base speed to get in, so thats on me.  But I wanna see what I can do without school based dictations and guides. See what DIY stuff I can rig up and what all the teaching programs on the open steno project are like. I’m sure they’ve come a long way since I last touched them!

Anyways I currently am testing at 120, but honestly I write at a solid 100. I backtracked, thank u covid 2020. Touched my machine maybe for a hour over about 3 months. It was rough. It’s still hard now to get back to it, I stayed away so long I’m now scared of fucking up lol. Nothing like getting slapped in the face with how much you suck. Wish I wasn’t completely ashamed of my depression and I could freely bitch about this to classmates or like, various steno groups I’m in but, those all got my face on em. That’s scarrrrrry. 

So one year on my own, it’s not looking great, so I’m trying new things, shaking it up! There’s only so much robotic dictation about accidents and understanding evidence that one can take. I know my base theory is weak, always has been so I want to try something new to tighten it up.

I’ve been hitting up typeracer! It’s not the best for speedbuilding but damn, it’s sure pointing out my weak spots. I am super weak with some contradictions and just simple words that I thought i knew but in the heat of the moment I forget them. I think I miswrote again about 10 times before I got it right, GAIN? GAEN? GA*IN? Nope. It was GEN. whoops. 

I have to admit, it is quite fun to be last in the race because something isn’t translating, look it up, or define it, and finish the race in first place.And by fun I mean completely ego stroking. I know I’m faster than the last time I was on there. It was I think November of 2019, and I was a solid 30 wpm on typeracer, 80wpm in steno,  now it’s anywhere from 40-70wpm on typeracer and 100 in steno. 

Not sure how long is too long for a post but fuck it, this is for me! LOL. Skipped on all testing opportunity this week, I want to at least hit one next week, maybe two, hope to get my errors down to 40. I doubt I’m going to hit my goal of passing one 120 before the semester is over but hey, thats fine. Cant hope to pass per say. Just have to not fail. Thats all. Reframing it does wonders. 

~Still editing dictionary, working on RE/RAOE cleaning up, started at 330, down to 280~

[jetsandbennie]

hot seat of love.

thank you all so much for the positive feedback on tango just for three! honest to god i’ve never felt more encouraged to write more - so here’s the second part!

summary: you’re not sure exactly who made you cum, but luckily, it doesn’t matter.

warnings: it’s smut, 18+. threesome, male receiving oral, handjobs, reference to female receiving oral, snowballing (hoping thats the right term)

pairing: ben hardy x joe mazzello x reader

“Joe.”

The name from your lips is soft yet loud, and it cuts through the tense silence in the room like a knife through butter. Your limbs feel weak, the elbow you’re propped up on feeling as though it could collapse beneath you.

And Joe stands - hand grasping the doorknob, the other rested over the bulge in his sweatpants. Ben’s body is hot overtop of yours, and you swear they have to hear your beating heart. Surely they can sense the way your head is pounding, your vision swirling.

“Joe.” You can barely breathe and yet you have to. Heaving in air feels like an impossible task, your chest rising and falling rapidly, and you press a palm against Ben’s chest. His body is hot as you push him from you, letting the blonde roll onto his back and you feel entirely too exposed with your nudeness. Though you shouldn’t - in the past few minutes Joe had seen much more, seen you being railed by Ben, but it’s different now.

Now you know.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” you can’t think of anything else to say as you turn around, facing him. His eyes meet yours and you watch them roll down your body but you don’t care. “Joe. Holy shit.”

“I thought -” you watch him struggle to swallow. “I thought you were hurt. I thought you were hurt so I wanted to check on you.” His eyes flicker to Ben, and then his lips turn in the small ghost of a smile. “I guess you weren’t.”

“No,” Ben agrees, sitting up, though he reaches forward to grab a pillow to settle in his lap before turning to face Joe. “She’s not hurt. It’s fine.”

The last part could pertain to just about everything happening, and the various meanings aren’t lost on you.

It’s fine, she’s not hurt, it means.

It’s fine, that you watched, it means.

It’s fine, that you’re achingly hard from watching me fuck my girlfriend, it means.

The room fills with silence again, like water being poured into a glass. Joe lingers at the door, his eyes on Ben’s, and you cross your arms over your chest.

It doesn’t help that, with every glance at Joe, all you can see is the thick, unmistakable boner in his sweatpants. His hand covers it but not enough to shield it from your view, and eventually you just focus your stare on the ground.

Ben is the first one to break the silence, nodding his head towards his best friend at the door. “Looks like you have a problem there, though, mate.”

The claim takes a moment to click in your head. A problem.

“Do I?” questions Joe in response, and he adjusts his grip on the doorknob.

“If my eyes aren’t deceiving me,” says Ben, and you look towards him and follow his gaze right to the front of Joe’s pants.

Your gaze breaks from Joe’s erection - which is doing impossible things to you in your post coital state, though you reckon it would be doing the same things if you hadn’t just been fucked - and turn to look at the side of Ben’s face. He isn’t looking at you. Your breath feels caught up in your throat and you swallow, mind reeling.

Because you’d thought you’d apologize and move on.

And Ben has a different idea.

“Can you - blame me?” Joe’s laugh is humorless. Dry and airy. “I’m sorry.”

It isn’t the first apology but it hits you like it is. He feels sorry. He, who walked in on the two of you having sex, feels sorry. He, whose body responded in the most natural way.

And he feels sorry.

Ben shakes his head and then brings a hand up to run through his sweaty blonde hair. “It’s fine. Just - “

Finally, finally, Ben’s eyes meet yours as he looks at you. And you can see the question in his eyes, in the way his eyebrow quirks up ever so slightly. How his tongue darts out to wet his lips, how his breath is growing heavier.

You nod.

“I think we can help you. If you want.”

The suggestion hangs in the air. You dare to look up at Joe and his expression is just about what you imagined. Eyebrows raised, his mouth slightly open, and his hand is working ever so slightly at his hard cock, just rubbing the bulge. You reach next to you and find Ben’s hand, giving it a small squeeze.

Yes, the squeeze says. We should do this.

“It doesn’t have to be weird,” you say, voice quiet. “If you don’t want to, it’s fine. But we do. And if you do want to -”

“I do.”

It’s the reply you’d been hoping for, deep within your core. The seal of approval, though you would have been more surprised if Joe said no.

You can practically sense Ben’s grin as he holds an arm out towards Joe. “Come here.”

And Joe does, walking forward until he reaches out and grabs Ben’s hand, and he’s promptly pulled towards the blonde until they’re barely a hair away from each other. Ben reaches up and places his hand against the back of Joe’s neck and pulls the brunette down, and their lips attach together with a fiery intensity.

The tinge of jealousy you’d expected to feel never came.

Instead, with every movement of Joe’s head against your boyfriend’s, more heat flies right down to your pussy. It is, perhaps, the most erotic event you’d ever experienced, and you’d never expected to feel quite so turned on by it. Though it shouldn’t have been shocking, thinking of it, the two hottest men you’d ever met making out right in front of you.

It goes on for quite a while, their kissing. Your cunt throbs and you pull your knees beneath you, watching as Ben lies back, Joe leaning over his body, lips still working together. Your fingers seem to trail down to your core of their own accord, dragging through your slick folds, collecting the wetness at the tips of your fingers.

Just the action is enough to make Ben’s eyes turn to you, and he pulls his face away from Joe’s with just a bit of hesitation. “You look pretty impatient.”

You roll your eyes and then lean forward, taking Joe’s now-unoccupied lips in your own, and they’re soft and wonderful and he groans into your mouth. You reach a hand up to run through his hair, fingers carding through the locks, and then you grasp onto the ends and squeeze.

Your other hand continues to work at your pussy, resisting the urge to whimper into his mouth at the brief satisfaction you get, but you can’t hold it in any longer when Ben reaches down and rubs his finger over your still-sensitive clit. You moan out into Joe’s mouth and then pull away.

“This is about Joe,” you pointedly say to your boyfriend, trying to ignore the pleasure already building up in your stomach.

“Doesn’t have to just be me,” the ginger next to you murmurs, and you ignore the urge to smile. Ben removes his hand from your core and drops it back to the bed before propping himself up on his elbows, and you focus your hands at the front of Joe’s pants, undoing the tie that hides his member from you. Your fingers brush against him with every movement and he groans, throwing his head back.

You pull down his pants, just over his hips, and his cock springs free and it’s -

You’d seen it through his sweatpants but seeing it was different, and you struggled to swallow down your surprise.

Ben sits up, and he grabs Joe’s arms to pull him down onto the bed until the ginger is lying down next to the pair of you, and he smiles sweetly. Ben’s hand grabs the base of Joe’s cock, dragging his hand up and down his shaft, and Joe moans, and it’s like music to your ears.

“Fuck, Ben,” Joe groans as Ben pulls his hand back, spitting into his palm before returning it to his friend’s dick. “Jesus.”

“How do you want us, Joe?” you ask, voice sweet and soft as you lean down and press a kiss to Joe’s chest. “Your choice.”

There’s more silence between the two of you, besides the smacking noise of your kisses against Joe’s skin and his occasional noises but you know he’s thinking - can practically hear his brain working.

If I never get this opportunity again, you’re sure he’s thinking, how should I use it?

You wrap your lips around his nipple, swirling your tongue around it, and Joe’s hand goes to your hair, struggling to comb his fingers through the sweaty locks. Eventually you pull your mouth away from his skin and rest your chin on his chest, eyes meeting Joe’s. His orbs are lust blown and his mouth is slightly open, and you give him a small smile.

Ben stops his hand working at Joe’s throbbingly hard cock. “Well?”

And this is, clearly, a big decision for Joe to make and you don’t blame him, but you’re desperate and only slightly wishing he’d go faster. It’s all you can do to contain your excitement when he finally says, “Um - wanna fuck Y/N. Can I?”

The question is clearly directed at Ben, and he nods as you murmur, “Of course.”

It takes you a little while to find a position. Your first instinct is to ride him, to get him off without doing much work, but you feel just a bit weak from your previous two orgasms and you’re afraid you’ll give out halfway through. Missionary makes it just a bit harder to include your blonde haired boyfriend, who sits at the head of the bed with a hand stroking lazily over his cock, looking so much like a Greek god, beautiful without trying, that you could cum right there.

So you settle on doggy style.

Joe positions himself behind you, a hand running down the arch of your back as you make eye contact with Ben in front of you, and he gives you a smirk.

A good idea, wasn’t it? The stupid fucking smirk says.

And you have to agree, as Joe lines himself up at your entrance and pushes inside of you.

You jerk forward, moaning loudly, taking your bottom lip into your mouth as you fall to your elbows. He isn’t bigger than Ben but it’s different, so much different. You hadn’t had anyone other than Ben for a while and he knew it, taking your chin in his hands and forcing you to look him in the eye as Joe pulls himself out of you before sliding back in with the loudest groan you’d ever heard.

“Fuck,” you whisper, bringing a shaky hand forward to grasp onto your boyfriend’s cock, and Ben nods slowly. “Oh. Oh fuck.”

It’s a lot. It’s a fucking lot, staring into Ben’s eyes, leaning down to wrap your lips around the tip of his cock while Joe - Joe, who you’d never even considered fucking until fifteen minutes ago - slides in and out of you with perfectly timed thrusts, a cacophony of moans filling the air. You can barely remember how to breathe, moans vibrating against Ben’s dick as you take more of him into your mouth.

“Feel so fucking good,” Joe hisses from behind you, hands grasping your hips, and you whine against Ben as he hits that certain spot inside of you and it feels so good, so good that you feel like you could collapse with the feeling. “So tight, God.”

“I know,” Ben breathes from above you, threading his fingers in your messy hair, guiding your mouth up and down his cock, hips jerking up every so often, and you desperately try not to gag around him. “Doesn’t she - fuck - feel the greatest?”

Joe grunts in agreement before snaking his hand down under you, fingers finding your clit and rubbing, fast and hard, and you know you’re approaching your third orgasm embarrassingly fast and you want to desperately hold out but you’re not sure you even can. He rubs fast circles into the nub before leaning down to press a kiss between your shoulder blades, and you take the most of Ben into your mouth that you can and suck, cheeks hollowing, and your boyfriend’s hips snap up into your mouth and you know that’s his signal that he’s close.

“Joe.” Ben’s voice is quiet and airy, hand pushing your head further down onto his cock. “Don’t cum. Don’t.”

You don’t understand why and you’re sure Joe doesn’t either, but Ben keeps thrusting his hips up until he cums with a yell, hot ribbons of cum shooting into the back of your throat and you help him through it. You work your mouth up and down his shaft until you pull your head away, pressing a feather soft kiss to his tip as you swallow down his load, heaving in breaths when you’re done.

“Don’t cum,” Ben warns Joe again, his breathing laboured, and you lose the energy to hold yourself up, resorting to pressing your cheek against Ben’s thigh as Joe fucks into you, his finger still furiously working at your clit, and you’re so close.

So fucking close.

“I can’t hold it, Ben, shit,” Joe cries from behind you. Your moans are enough to distort your hearing of what he’s saying - this is the most erotic experience of your life, right now, nothing could ever hold a candle to this, you think.

“Stop,” commands Ben, then, and then he moves your head and climbs out from under you and a few seconds later you feel Joe pull out of you and you know he’s not coming back in. You collapse down onto your stomach, choking in cries, both from the loss of Joe inside of you and the orgasm you’d been denied as Joe’s hand had left your clit. You give yourself a few moments - lying there, ass in the air, face in the mattress as you collect your breath - but curiosity takes ahold of you as Joe’s breathy moans pick up again, and when you slowly turn yourself around to look you nearly faint.

It seems the most erotic experience of your life keeps being one-upped.

Ben has Joe’s cock fully in his mouth, mouth moving up and down, and your pussy throbs with need for them. Joe’s hand buries itself in Ben’s hair as his hips jerk up and you know he came, came right down into Ben’s throat.

“Fuck, Ben, oh my god, Ben,” Joe’s moans rise to a yell, and Ben hollows his cheeks completely before pulling his mouth off of his best friend’s member. The blonde pushes himself to his knees and then launches himself towards you, body covering yours, and your lips meet in the most desperate kiss you’d ever had with anyone. The taste of Joe’s cum fills your mouth and you throw your arms around Ben’s neck, pulling his body closer to yours, and just the feeling of your boyfriend in your arms again almost makes you cum on the spot.

Almost.

After a moment Ben rolls off of you, and the three of you sit in silence. You can almost ignore the throbbing in your core at the clear post-coital haze swirling around the two men - Ben beside you and Joe at the bottom of the bed.

Almost.

“Ben.” you murmur after a moment, though both men raise their heads to look at you. “I didn’t cum.”

There’s another beat of silence, and then Ben pushes himself up and crawls down the bed to your thighs. “Well, I can’t have that, now can I.” It isn’t a question, of course. “Joe, want to help me take care of our girl?”

Neither you nor Joe needs to mention the usage of the word our. It’s a discussion for another time.

--

taglist:

@maytheforcebewithqueen - @queens-n-roses - @totallynerdstuff - @queen-irl-af - @benshvrdy - @misskvegas - @mrfahrenhcit - @little-miss-queenie - @rogerinaismyqueen - @notyoursneverwas-post - @rinastylesworld - @xtrashmammalstefx - @danamaleksworld

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.