#this band is a better one direction period

[c28hunter]

He is my Harry Styles

[crmsndragonwngss]

'Cause I don't know when to give up Every part of me is so numb I'm sending messages to the sky 'Cause it's really got me fucked up And I I'm falling down like a landslidе I'm calling on my last lifelinе

Oh no, I've got a hard time letting go So close but is it real or all for show?

[swordgrace]

Okay I know you've already written "vampire eating out reader who's 'on the rag'" (to quote Paul) BUT... Can we have one with Astarion? 😩

𖣊 pairing — astarion x fem!human!reader.

FORMAT: drabble — requested.

WORD COUNT: 3.5K.

WARNINGS: SMUT! (mdni), period sex, bloodplay, blood drinking, oral sex (f!receiving), cunnilingus, praise kink, hair pulling, fingering (f!receiving), dirty talk, semi-public sex, risk of getting caught, unspoken feelings, astarion gives mad head (I don’t make the rules)

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Well, here we are, back to my vampire obsession. I’m so addicted to Baldur’s Gate right now that it’s insane. I had so much fun writing this! This is also my first time writing for Astarion, so feedback is definitely appreciated! I’m hoping to write so much more of him! Thank you all for the support! ❤️

A distant, whistling breeze swept across the tall strands of sungrass, rustling against the threadbare canvas of your tent. It was shoddy lodging at best — certainly not a paradise. Gale and Astarion could afford such luxurious accommodations, but you were left to your own devices. You even envied Lae’zel’s tent, and it wasn’t much better than yours.

Crackling waves of dulled pain continued to ripple throughout the pit of your stomach, a familiar tightening and seizing of muscles that left you restless. Sometimes, humanity could be a horrible thing — you were a slave to your own basic bodily functions.

Shadowheart had bluntly broached the subject of menstruation with you earlier in the day — offered you rags to keep yourself clean. It was embarrassing, admittedly — you wanted to try and keep it all discreet.

Being underprepared for this scenario left you flustered and embarrassed, but you were thankful for her assistance, wariness aside.

Your newfound band of parasite-toting compatriots were becoming the closest thing to family that you had, but there were some you trusted more than others. You often regarded Shadowheart with a healthy dose of skepticism, but she’d been helpful enough.

Glittering rays of silvery moonlight struck through the worn spots on your tent, pooling across your form as you tossed yet again, hands folding together atop your stomach. The dying embers of the campfire dissipated out of existence — the world was dormant.

Sleep eluded you, replaced by the toils of your monthly blood moon that frustrated you to no end.

Halsin was generous enough to concoct an herbal poultice that was supposed to help, but one swig of the earthen liquid, and you were spitting it right back out into the dirt. Much to your dismay, you would be left to endure your cycle in its raw state, no remedies.

The gentle ambiance of swaying grass and the buzz of nature at dusk served as your atmosphere, accompanied by your deep breaths and occasional stifled groans. You rolled over, form awkwardly contorted on your side in an attempt to find some relief.

Your evening clothes were made of thistledown and spidersilk, far more comfortable than the linen-sewn rags you’d been trekking in for the last few weeks. It was all courtesy of a fashionable Drow you’d met in a village in the Underdark.

Your gaze fixated on the low, dimmed glow of a flickering lantern situated in your quarters, sitting soundly alongside your backpack. Orange light danced within the colorful glass, producing minuscule refractions that became a worthwhile distraction.

A fluttering of cloth tore your attention away from the luminous object, and you directed your gaze toward the agape flap of your tent.

Two glittering rubies peered down at you, sanguine hues dancing with a peculiar sheen amongst a canvas of smooth, marblesque flesh. The black ties of his silken nightshirt were left unkept, sleeves pulled toward the crooks of his pale elbows.

Astarion’s vampirism was something you’d become intimately acquainted with.

Perhaps it wasn’t your brightest move, letting him feed from you — but you had no qualms or regrets. Beneath the facade of allure and arrogance, Astarion wasn’t all bad. In the many moments you’d shared of allowing him to drink, you’d learned more, little by little.

“Astarion,” You exhaled, wondering why he’d come to you at this particular hour. He’d fed not long ago — from a nearby stag, and not you. He was ethereal beneath the moonlight, all lean and akin to a statue, living perfection as he lingered within the entryway of your tent. “Is everything alright?”

A sardonic huff escaped him, followed by a familiar tilt of his head, ivory curls swaying with his movements. “I could ask you the very same, darling.” He mused. “It seems that you cannot sleep.”

You swallowed the lump within your throat, sitting up enough within your bedroll to face him fully. “No,” You didn’t want to shower Astarion with the grisly details of your womanly cycle. It was of little importance. “Halsin’s awful concoction left a bad taste in my mouth.”

Astarion hummed, senses attuned to you — truthfully, he could smell you from across the camp.

That familiar siren’s song of blood echoed his name — your blood, above all. He wasn’t above lecherous thoughts, especially when it came to the likes of you. His solution to your little problem was unorthodox — Astarion wondered if you would be open to it.

“Was it that mess of an elixir that left you restless, or perhaps something else?” The pale Elf inquired, noticing the little flickers of realization settling into your features. “I have quite the keen sense of smell, you know. Your predicament is rather obvious.”

As your lips fell apart, Astarion chuckled — it was a rich sound, deep from within the confines of his chest. Embarrassment rippled through you, spreading like a wildfire throughout your body. Tendrils of heat crept along the back of your neck.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised,” You mumbled, chewing at the inside of your cheek. “Is it bothering you?” You hadn’t considered that your blood might’ve had an adverse effect on the vampire spawn, but he dismissed your concerns with a simple wave.

Astarion stepped inside, dropping the burlap flap as it fluttered back into place. His flesh was a beautiful shade, encapsulated by the flickering glow of lantern light as he stood before you. “No,” He clicked his tongue. “I do have a solution to your predicament — with my own assistance, of course.”

Confusion settled into your countenance — Astarion wasn’t necessarily shocked by this, either. You were a delicate little human, a sweet, pious creature that he intended to ravish when opportunity presented itself — such as now.

He drank in your innocence, feeding from your piety as if it were your lifeblood. It was easy to charm you, let you slip into his intricately-spun web of seduction, but in reality, he found himself becoming soft on you.

What a horrid thing — soft on you.

Yet, Astarion couldn’t help himself. Your presence was soothing, providing a warmth that even enveloped his own icy heart. You never asked him for anything — you never used him. He wanted you all the more for it, desired to keep you for himself.

“How could you help me with this?” You questioned, assuming that he had some remedy for you that countered Halsin’s. Anything would do — you were becoming desperate for a solution.

Something shifted in Astarion’s eyes — his gaze became hooded, glazed with some indiscernible notion that caused your stomach to swirl with uncertainty. Your breath hitched within your throat when his cold digits swept across your cheek.

“In a way that I know best,” He crooned, thumb gingerly sweeping along the curve of your jawline. “You would lay back and let me taste you.” Astarion’s suggestion struck you as unorthodox and crude — and you nearly gasped at the insinuation of his words.

“You don’t mean it.” You countered, shivering beneath the icy bite of his embrace. Your flesh felt like scorched earth, blistering with a fever that you couldn’t sweat out — and your remedy, your cure — he stood before you like an ethereal god.

Astarion chuckled, head canting to one side. “I do, darling,” He uttered, voice dropping to a delicious octave that seemed to curl around you like a vice, spreading to parts of you that you never thought possible. “It would be mutually beneficial, I assure you.”

A guttural whimper of sheer want coalesced within the depths of your throat, goosebumps dancing across your spine as you contemplated. It felt so intimate — if you were to go through with it, the lines of your relationship with Astarion would be blurred completely.

The desire for relief and for him outweighed logic, and you exhaled, eyes silently pleading with him for his touch. Astarion was enticed — admittedly, he wanted to taste you, bloodied or not.

“If you are worried about the mess, you needn’t trouble yourself, my sweet.” Astarion mused, pearlescent fangs glinting in the low light. “I will take care of you.” Something about his tone made you shudder, wanting nothing more than to give yourself to him — every fiber, every piece.

His growing fondness for you was becoming increasingly difficult to suppress. He hungered for your blood and he yearned for you — a naive human that he initially cared little for. Now, he was enthralled, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

“I’ll let you,” You whispered, voice barely above a shrewd whisper as you watched his expression blossom into one of sheer desire. Those crimson hues raked over you, devouring you without action, leaving you a mess, surrendering to him willingly. “Please.”

“How kind of you,” Astarion hummed, sinking onto his knees as his palm spread across the swell of your hip. “I wonder if you taste just as sweet as you look.” His honeyed purr dripped with a warm reassurance, all wrought with want as he eased you down onto your back.

A fire burned within your belly, demanding to be extinguished as you settled down onto the many layers of a tough leather bedroll and feathered blanket. Astarion loomed like a hungering predator as he slipped between your legs, throat hoarse with the sting of thirst.

His cold hands pried at your silken nightshirt, gingerly lifting the fabric towards your chest as it bunched up just beneath your breasts. A wave of cool, brusque night air licked across your stomach, but the sudden presence of Astarion’s lips made you tense up.

He made sure to touch you — caress your supple frame wherever he could. Despite his one-track mind, Astarion wanted to make you feel good. Those practiced digits of his slipped across your ribcage, dragging down toward your abdomen.

“I’ve dreamed of this, coveted this,” He murmured into your flesh, kissing his way toward your weeping cunt. Nimble digits caressed their way to the waistband of your undergarments, tugging them down and away from your body. “Your sweet flesh, your body beneath mine, crying my name from your lips.”

None of this felt real — your head was spinning, mind deliriously dizzy with a newfound desire. You couldn’t discern if his confession was genuine or simply a ploy to subdue you. Truthfully, you didn’t care either way.

Astarion hummed again, nose brushing along the supple skin of your thigh. “Astarion,” You mewled, unable to keep from saying his name. “I—I …” You babbled, savoring the sensation of his mouth on your skin.

You felt his body quiver with a gentle chuckle as he inhaled a gust of your intoxicating scent. It was your distinct perfume intermingled with that of blood — the twang of coppery menses that he intended on consuming.

Even when prone between your thighs, Astarion exuded a rather domineering aura, icy lips peppering a string of kisses against your inner thigh. He wanted nothing more than to bite — indulge himself in your sanguine ichor. The scent between your legs invited him in, instead.

As crimson wept from your core, the vampiric Elf moved forward, skilled tongue languidly dragging across your aching cunt. He shivered when your cruor fell upon his mouth, a taste of your blood that he so desired.

His palms settled themselves atop your plush hips, hooking underneath your legs. He pressed into your flesh, gripping you tightly as he held you firmly in-place. Astarion could feel the visceral, unrestrained way in which your body reacted to him, twitching and shuddering, thighs flexing.

“How delicious,” Astarion purred, voice dropping to a sultry octave. It stroked every recess of your mind, setting your nerves ablaze, making your stomach churn with a wave of butterflies. “My sweetest pet.” He uttered, licking at any drop of scarlet.

Flushed and flustered, arousal pooled between your legs, intermingled with that of your menses. One of your hands haplessly fisted the feather blanket, the other roaming towards that crown of ivory curls. A low, bemused growl tore past his throat when you gripped his tresses.

If anything, it simply encouraged Astarion, whose greed knew no boundaries. He eagerly lapped at your cunt, tongue tracing across your slit. You felt the little twang of relief that he offered, and you were beyond grateful. You felt the desire to reciprocate — if he let you.

It became increasingly difficult to stifle your pleasured mewls and moans, back beginning to arch slightly off of your bedroll. His continued string of lascivious praise and salacious comments made your flesh turn hot, begging for a release of any kind.

The dull burn within his throat was quelled, soothed by your cruor. Astarion was eager, delighting in your pretty noises and the way your body gave into him. He greedily lapped at the sticky menses trickling from your core, lips twitching into a smirk.

His crown of ivory curls felt like Githyanki silk beneath your fingertips, and for a moment, you peered down — you needed to sate your curiosity.

The mere sight of Astarion, coiled and poised like a lithe predator, wedged between your thighs sent you reeling. He could detect your beseeching gaze, and without pause, those vermilion hues flickered to hold your stare.

Instinctively, your body shivered, goosebumps cascading down the length of your spine. You watched in silent reverence as the broad flat of Astarion’s tongue lapped at your cunt, showering your clit in newfound affection. A stray curl fell across his temples — he was beautiful.

A strangled gasp escaped you, and you fell flat once more, fingers seizing up within his tresses. Astarion’s form rumbled with subtle laughter as he keened forward, mouth suckling on that sensitive clutch of nerves. Your reaction was well worth it.

“Astarion,” You cried, thighs rattling like leaves upon a swaying tree. You wanted to thank him over and over again for this — the tight waves of aching pain had subsided. “Gods, I — Feels so good.” A pleasured moan tore past your lips once more.

A sliver of you feared waking the others, potentially alerting the camp to your nightly accolades. You didn’t want to allow your worry to fester, hips rocking forward when his tongue embraced your cunt once more.

One hand traveled from the curve of your hip to the apex of your thighs, two fingers stroking over your weeping entrance. You gasped, soothed by Astarion’s soft laughter as he lifted his head slightly. “So sensitive.” He purred, lips stained in a glistening layer of crimson. He kissed the inside of your knee.

Heat rolled through you in pleasant waves as pangs of ecstasy gripped you. Seeing Astarion’s bloodied mouth made you shiver, only wanting him to continue, bring you to climax. He sank two digits into your cunt, tongue dutifully returning to lap at your clit.

If you were to perish now, you’d die happy and within the throes of your own ecstasy — with a pale, Elvish deity between your thighs.

You’d wanted him for some time, and to finally drown yourself in his affections — it almost didn’t feel real. The practiced, needy lap of his tongue brought you back to reality, making your hips lurch forward once more. Those digits of his gently pistoned in and out of your cunt, ensuring a level of softness.

Rivulets of your menses coated his fingers, much to his delight. Astarion was relentless, driven in his quest to simultaneously feed and soothe your blood moon pains. His perfectly-timed movements of his fingers worked in-tandem with his mouth, tongue flicking from your clit to your weeping core.

A white-hot pleasure blistered through you, beginning to mount into your encroaching release. Your climax was close, stomach swirling with molten heat, body feeling as if it could simply float away.

“A—Astarion,” You whimpered, desperate to get rid of your nightshirt. The coolness of dusk could not alleviate the pure heat you felt now. A shrill cry left your lips when he withdrew his fingers, simply exchanging them for his tongue as he dragged you closer. “Astarion!”

His name felt like an incantation upon your tongue — it was a sultry, desperate plea for him. The Elf thoroughly reveled in your innocuous cries, wanting to hear you chant his name like a prayer. It felt so genuine, affection intermingled with desire.

Astarion’s gaze lingered on you, chest heaving, flesh glistening with a sheen of perspiration, countenance contorted into sheer ecstasy. There was something rapturous in his eyes — you couldn’t see it, but it was certainly present.

A low hum of approval escaped him when you absentmindedly tugged on his curls again, and he rewarded you with a barrage of his tongue. It was a greedy assault on your cunt as the vampire spawn drank from the source, inhaling a gust of your scent.

“Such a pretty voice, darling,” Astarion uttered, and you soared underneath his reverent praise. You were prepared to burst, body tensing, like a blossom unfurling within the sunlight. “You taste delightful.” He knew what it would do to you — he reveled in it.

You shivered, feeling his nose brush along your thigh as he kissed at the skin there, teeth teasing and grazing along your sensitive flesh. He returned to your core once more, lapping at your oozing cunt with glee — and that seemed to be enough for you.

Everything seemed to spin in circles, head fuzzy and body sinking into sheer bliss. Pleasure washed over you in hot, visceral waves as you were brought to your climax, hips tilting upward as you came.

The coil within your stomach snapped, muscles relaxed — the uncomfortable pain had subsided. Even if the relief would be fleeting, you were beyond grateful to Astarion for assisting you. You came to, flushed and flustered, sitting up enough to see Astarion finishing up.

He emerged from between your legs, tongue languidly lashing across his pearlescent fangs and lips. Speckles of crimson were splattered across his chin, but you nearly collapsed at the sight of him sucking on his fingers.

Whatever mess you made, Astarion had cleaned it all away — he never spilled a drop. “That, ah …” What did you say? “Thank you for doing this, Astarion. I don’t know what else to say.” You confessed.

Astarion chuckled, head canting to one side. “Speechless, are we? It certainly wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve left someone in such a state.” He crooned, and before he could move to stand, you reached for his arm, coaxing him back.

“Don’t ever feel obligated to do this,” You mumbled, somewhat embarrassed at the sight of your cruor on his chin. Sheepishly, you swiped it away with your thumb — but he caught it. “I feel like I didn’t do anything in return.”

Instead, the pale Elf held your wrist, ruby hues drinking you in, picking you apart. Astarion remained hushed for a moment as he considered his words, lips quirking into an abnormally tender smirk. “You did return the favor, darling. Your blood is tribute enough.”

Your breath hitched within your throat, but you didn’t protest, gaze subtly absorbing his porcelain features. He was gorgeous — you often felt inferior in his presence, shadowed by his timeless beauty. You smiled at him, fingers reaching to squeeze at his hand. The gesture was unexpected for him, but he made no comment.

“Thank you. I do feel better,” You cleared your throat, chewing at the inside of your cheek. “Did you mean what you said, about coveting me and dreaming about this?” For your own peace of mind, you wanted to know where you stood with Astarion.

He should’ve known that you’d ask.

Astarion hummed, neglecting to disclose the truth about how he felt towards you. Part of him was fearful of the implications, of what it could mean — he felt unworthy of you and your piety. “Of course,” He uttered, voice dropping into a more alluring octave. “I would not mind indulging in this again.”

Part of you deflated — intimacy wasn’t the only thing you wanted from Astarion. You wanted his heart. It gave you something to think on, but for now, you were simply content to enjoy his company, lewd or otherwise.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” You murmured, visibly sheepish as you glanced back towards your bedroll. “I should try and sleep, I think.” You nearly asked if he wanted to stay with you, but fear and insecurity gripped you in that moment.

“I should hope that your rest is much more productive.” Astarion smirked, pressing a feather-light kiss against your knuckles before rising to his feet. Sharing your bed didn’t seem prudent — for him, it would only make his feelings for you worse.

A soft laugh bubbled forth from your lips before you pulled your clothes back into place, descending onto the feathered blanket. “Goodnight, Astarion.” You exhaled, watching him as he slipped towards the burlap flap of your shoddy tent.

“Rest well, my sweet.” Astarion hummed, and like a shadow, he disappeared into the star-speckled gloom of the night.

[storiesabouteli]

BitterSweet // Elijah Hewson X Reader.

requests: (1) pre-relationship!eli with an incrediblyyy oblivious and socially awkward girl that kinda avoided him bc he’s very charismatic and lowkey a fuckboy so she think he’s fucking with her 😭😭 and eli is tryna pursue her and making it obvious that he takes her really seriously + (2) i was just wondering if you could write an imagine where eli helps the reader with her anxiety / through an anxiety attack or something similar?

words: 3,6K

You had enjoyed the band; they were instrumentally solid, and their lyrics were captivating. Live, they were even better. Eli, drenched to the point that his hair was soaked, let out soft groans in between sung syllables. This was just the soundcheck, and though only a few fans were around, he was performing like it was the real thing.

“Think we can tweak it a bit more?” His voice pulled you back, a warning that you might be getting in over your head. Eli chuckled, eyes trailing over you from top to bottom with a slight smirk. You couldn’t tell if it was meant to intimidate, mock, or if he just found you pathetic.

“Of course,” you replied quietly, certain no one else heard. The walk over felt longer in your mind as the guys watched, and you reached for the guitar in his hands. His swift movement to pull the strap off revealed hints of muscle, all the pale skin and the brief brush of his arm, warm and damp with sweat, replayed in your mind.

“Will you be around?” His voice was deeper, smoother than when he sang, with a lazy edge that was almost too pleasant to listen to. You were getting paid for this entire experience. “It’s my job.” He raised his brows, that same confident grin tugging at his lips. You avoided direct eye contact, though you glanced at him from the corners of your eyes. You didn’t mean to sound so blunt. You were only here to set up the studio for their album recording—a short period, and soon enough, you wouldn’t see them again.

You liked them well enough, but Eli had that vibe of the guy who would’ve bullied you in high school. You thought you were past that. “I’ll be around,” you said more clearly, finally looking him in the eyes. He nodded, making a mental note of your face up close and the matching brand of your boots and his. Your delicate hand passed the guitar back to him, and he couldn’t resist; it was too easy.

“Thanks, pet. I’ll be needing you again soon.” Your gaze dropped quickly as you backed away. Josh overheard and laughed, while Eli turned a bit pink—no regrets, though. You knew guys like him. You’d worked with bands before, and you understood better than to let whatever that was get to you.

…

You only spoke when asked, keeping things strictly professional. Eli was openly watching you, blatantly, if honest. The producers asked you questions now and then, and you always responded, they’d nod and follow your advice right after. Eli already thought you were smart, which only made him more intrigued. You were focused, a little shy, content within your own bubble; he admired that. It was obvious you were fine like that, and he was bothering you, but he didn’t know any other way to approach you.

“Hey, uh…” he started, sitting across from you at lunch. Once again, you were alone, not in a bad way, just enjoying your break. “What’re you listening to?” You lifted one side of your headphones to hear him. He cleared his throat, needing to repeat the question before you could answer.

“It’s not the first time you ignore me like that, and I like it.” You had to bite your lip but still laughed, as if he were too much to believe.

“The Strokes,” you showed him your phone, sipping your Coke. You fidgeted with the strap of your white tank top, which happened to be just like the one he often wore—and was wearing now. Along with the boots, it was oddly charming.

“I love The Strokes, real teenage throwback. What are your favorites?” He smiled wide, a grin he hadn’t seen all day, feeling confident this was going well.

“See? We have so much in common,” he teased, even though, so far, it was just the band and clothes.

“I’m not a big fan,” you shrugged, “I think his voice is lazy and dragged out, not really my style, though the instrumental’s good.” His heart sank a little. You spoke so casually, completely unaware of the impact. Eli hadn’t found flirting so difficult before.

“All right,” he glanced around, watching you look at your empty plate instead of his eyes. “Did you enjoy yesterday? What did you think of the show?”

You briefly thought of the awkward moment adjusting his guitar with everyone watching and how he’d been appearing more and more on your social media—not him directly, but clips of him with fans. You’d even gained some random followers from being spotted with the band. Your feed was flooded with videos of him leaning close to a girl at the edge of the stage, his damp curls brushing her face. She’d clung to him, and he clearly loved the attention, even stopping post-show to chat and connect with everyone. It was an energy you didn’t have. You’d once wanted to be more like him but were now comfortable being reserved. He was just naturally good at it.

Then there was one photo—a girl holding his face in an intimate kiss—that made you pause. A fan captioned that Eli would make a perfect boyfriend, even if they weren’t together anymore. She was gorgeous, and he looked like he belonged with her. Him talking to you felt off, like he was doing it out of pity; you weren’t even on the same page.

“I really enjoyed it. You guys are very good.” You were honest, forcing a smile and pushing away your thoughts to show you meant it.

Eli wasn’t convinced of that. “Good to know. We’re close enough now to hang out and maybe share a cigarette or two.” You looked up at him, his hazel eyes gleaming, his freckles glowing with a hint of blush. He had that high-school-crush look, but it still didn’t make sense.

“Can’t you talk like a normal person?” In your mind, the question hadn’t sounded so hard.

“I don’t know; this way I get to keep talking to you, don’t I?” He raised his brows as looked away, noticing the rest of the band watching from another table. He could be over there, so why wasn’t he?

He dropped a crumpled napkin on the table and waited, saying he’d be persistent later when you just nodded, unsure what to expect. You were about to speak, and it was warming to see him actually paying attention, his caramel eyes fixed on you, his whole body focused—until he nudged the table, spilling half of the Coke onto your white top.

“Sorry,” his accent thickened, sending a jolt of anxiety through you. People glanced over, and Eli began wiping the spot, his hand brushing over the stain.

“It’s not helping,” you said, touching his shoulder. “Eli, it’s fine; you’re just making it worse.” Your firm tone made him stop, realizing you were right.

You crossed your arms over your chest, feeling a little embarrassed, and he quickly noticed. Without hesitation, he shrugged off his black button-down and handed it over for you to wear. It wasn’t like you could refuse; you still had the whole afternoon before you could head home and change.

“Sorry, like, the flirting’s intentional, yeah, but I wouldn’t ever mean to harm you.”

You fiddled with his shirt, playing with the buttons. It smelled nice. He was now in a tank top like yours, and you remembered mentioning how you liked his arms before to the voices inside your head.

You cleared the table, picking up his napkin too, and he watched as you tossed his number into the trash on your way out.

“These things happen, I guess,” he chuckled, getting the closest he’d come to a genuine smile from you. The lighthearted way you suggested he’d done it on purpose; if he’d known that smile would come out, he certainly would have.

“Don’t worry. I’ll give it back,” you reassured him, grateful he wasn’t phased by the incident, though disappointed the conversation had ended, even if it wasn’t going great. At least it was something, and he got to appreciate how well his shirt suited you the rest of the day.

“It’s yours now, ma’am.”

…

At home, you made yourself dinner, still wearing his shirt. Sure, you told yourself it was just because of the chill, but deep down, you knew you wanted his scent—cologne mixed with a hint of cigarettes—lingering around you. Despite your reluctance, you eventually washed and dried it to return it properly. As you lay down in bed, a wave of mental relief washed over you, savoring the solitude after spending nearly the whole day with them fine-tuning songs. You picked up your phone, intending to scroll until you drifted off, when an Instagram notification popped up. Opening it, you saw he’d followed you and even sent a message. You set your phone aside for a moment, feeling like he was physically there; somehow, it made no difference.

When you accepted the request and opened the DM, the first thing you saw was a picture: a can of Diet Coke spilling onto his jeans, captioned with, “Thinking of you.” You couldn’t help but laugh softly to yourself. Eli probably thought it was funny—maybe it was, in a way. “You there? Am I getting ignored online too?” It made you realize you'd left the chat open, staring blankly. “Sorry, was busy,” you replied, though you instantly regretted it, realizing you could've been friendlier.

The typing dots popped up again, followed by, “With something more important than me?” You had to admit, his shameless confidence was quite charming. “Washing your shirt to return it. Hopefully, you won’t try that again xx,” you replied, heart-reacting to the Coke photo he’d sent. You didn’t want him to think you were actually ignoring him. After a pause, just as you were about to drift off, his final message came through. It was a voice note, low tone, a little sleepy, smooth.

“Uh, don’t see the problem, you know? Got to talk to you, and now you’ll return my shirt with your scent on it. You’re making this hard for me.” You could practically hear him smiling through the words, and once again, you found yourself grinning into your blankets.

…

You know those days that just aren't good? Your eyes ached, and there was a sharp pain in your head. Before entering the studio, some girls in Inhaler shirts were gathered near the entrance. They greeted you, and you nodded back, answering a few quick questions about them. You were polite, so one of them handed you her number, asking if you could give it to Eli. You took the slip of paper—it seemed routine, as if he received these often. She was beautiful. Your mind wandered to the number of girls chasing after him, not just here, but everywhere.

"Bobby’s sick; they’re not coming in today." One of the producers announced, and you felt a bit guilty for being relieved. Today, you didn't want to see anyone. It was hard to explain—if you knew how to avoid it, you would. Your chest felt like it was being crushed, heart racing, the familiar grip of anxiety that you just couldn’t make stop. As you thought about leaving, it hit you that you'd have to pass by those girls outside and take the bus home alone. You also worried about the delay in recordings, though you didn’t think Bobby should be there if he was unwell.

"Uh, you here by yourself? We won’t be recording today; thought someone might’ve told you. I just needed to grab my stuff." Eli shook his lighter, a rescuer in disguise. You held a cigarette between your fingers, hoping it would distract you, but you were restless, tapping your boot on the floor and fumbling in your pocket for your own lighter to no avail. He didn’t seem to notice anything wrong—at least he didn’t show it. His curls were perfectly in place, his jacket pulled over his arms, and that familiar, inviting smile. He’d clearly spent some time talking outside.

You opened your mouth, numb lips struggling to hide how off you felt, but no words came. He stepped close, his rings catching the light, and you focused on how nice his hand looked—a random, sudden thought that made you frown slightly. "Let me help," he whispered, his minty breath brushing your face. With the cigarette at your lips, you kept patting your jeans for the lighter. This was the closest you’d ever been to Eli; his fringe touched your forehead, and you realized how easily you could rest your head on his shoulder if you just leaned in. He sparked the lighter, holding it to your cigarette, his scent dizzying. His hand brushed your shoulder, and you wanted more. His calm eyes took in your vacant look as his fingers traced down your arm. For the first time, you couldn’t look at anything but his steady gaze. His freckles seemed to judge you silently, wondering why you had no control over yourself.

Seeing you weren’t taking a drag, he pulled the cigarette from your lips and placed it in his. "You can hear me, right?" His thumb brushed your palm, and you focused on your breathing as your eyes began to water. Eli was patient, his calm presence grounding you as you tried to steady yourself. Holding your hand, he gently pressed it to his chest so you could feel his heartbeat—thankfully steady. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Feel that, love?" Closing your eyes, still feeling overwhelmed, you listened to his words. "Just breathe with me. You’re not alone; it’s all gonna be fine." His voice was a balm, and slowly, it started to sink in.

"You’re doing great; you wouldn’t even need me here," he said softly, matching your small laugh with his own. Your knees gave way slightly, and he held you by the waist, you were closer than ever before. "We can just sit here until you’re alright, yeah?" You nodded, sinking to the floor beside him, surrounded by a few guitars. You toyed with the rings on his fingers, finding it a welcome distraction, and he didn’t mind. Exhausted, as you always seemed to feel, Eli noticed your tired, red eyes and pulled you against him. It was only his shoulder, but you let yourself lean in. He took a drag from the cigarette, ready to toss it aside to focus on you, but you took it from him, repeating his movements.

"So, that’s our first kiss," he murmured, his usual flirty tone and smug grin returning. He seemed proud. "What?" you muttered, throat sore, but he didn’t need to hear it; he saw it on your lips. His free hand slid along your back, keeping you close, wanting to distract you from your own mind. He was good at it.

"The cigarette’s a swap of saliva, right? That counts." You wrinkled your nose, thinking how typical it was for him to come up with something like that. You put out the cigarette, tossing the butt away. Nicotine didn’t help much, but it was something—it was human nature, and you understood that. He noticed your shy smile, his effect on you having its way. "Not funny, Eli. I don’t get why you do this," you murmured, exhaustion pulling your eyes closed, though you stayed nestled against his soft shoulder. He swallowed, realizing you weren’t playing a game; you were just oblivious.

"One of the fans outside even gave me her number to give to you." Your tone was gentle, though the crumpled paper in your hand suggested you had some opinion on it. "You think I’m just messing around with you?" He took your face in his hand, studying your troubled eyes. "Why would I do that? I wouldn’t flirt with you if I didn’t mean it. I don’t know how to be more obvious."

The firmness in his voice cut through like the edge of a blade. Now it was his turn to look at you like a puzzle piece he couldn’t quite figure out. You stared at him like he’d just spoken in another language, your brow furrowing in confusion. “Aren’t you? I mean… isn’t this just, like, a thing you do? Flirt with people for fun?” Oddly enough he was still comfortable, Eli could be anything but scary.

He looked at you, serious, shaking his head slightly, as if letting you slip through his fingers was out of the question.

Eli raised an eyebrow, his grin slipping. “Is that what you think of me?”

You fidgeted with the sleeve of his jacket, avoiding his gaze. “I don’t know. I mean, you’re… you know…” Your voice dropped as if admitting the truth was embarrassing. “You’re you.”

He leaned closer, his voice low but insistent. “And what if ‘me’ wants you? What if I’m serious ‘bout this?”

Your eyes shot up to his, wide and startled, but you quickly looked away. “You’re not.”

“Yeah, I am,” Eli said, his gaze more serious now, one of those looks you couldn’t avoid. “I don’t just flirt with everyone. I don’t chase people. But I’m chasing you. What’s it gonna take for you to get that?”

His chest had been racing, but it started to calm as he took in your parted lips and the tears lingering in your eyes. He knew he was overwhelming you at a tough moment, and he hated that. His fingertips traced the bridge of your nose, lightly outlining your soft lines, enjoying how close you allowed him to be. “Are you okay, little one?” he asked softly, the edge of his jacket brushing your cheek to wipe away the last of your tears.

“Yeah,” you replied, the incident finally slipping away as you looked back at him, unable to focus on anything else. His careful eyes, the freckles scattered like constellations, each carrying its own name that you gave them—it was hard to think of anything but them. “God, I must’ve been such an idiot, right?”

He chuckled, his laugh warm and steady against you. Then, he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, gentle but grounding, repeating it a few times as if to anchor you. You rested your head against his chest, nestling your face there, feeling the safety of his warmth. Your arms wrapped around his waist, a quiet comfort settling in.

“You weren’t an idiot. If anything, I’ve been bugging you since I got here.” You murmured a soft agreement, and he laughed again.

“But it worked, didn’t it? What do you say?”

You hid yourself a bit more in his embrace, feeling good, as he held you close, content to be your shield.

…

There was a comfortable weight draped over you, not unpleasant in the slightest. Your legs were tangled up with his, and you could feel his breath against your shoulder, soon followed by a series of light kisses and playful bites. You laughed into him, accepting your fate, and hugged him tighter. “Good morning,” he murmured, his voice sounding even better with that just-woke-up rasp. You glanced around, fully taking in the scene. His hand rested on your waist, his touch warm, and he was amazing at reading you, always respecting your pace.

“No one’s here yet. I’m not about to get you in trouble.” You smiled back at him, genuinely relieved.

“So you’re gonna hide us from them, huh?” he teased. “Hurts my feelings a little, y’know?” You looked down at your feet, ready to counter him, but before you could, his face was close again. He pressed a soft, wet kiss to your cheek. His messy curls tickled you, and you ended up laughing.

“When I make you nervous like this…” he traced his thumb along your hands, which were colder than your hot cheeks. “Is it a bad thing? Does it bother you?”

You met his gaze, smiling with your lip caught between your teeth. “I like how you talk to me, Eli. I just… don’t know how to deal with it right away.”

He nodded, his smile warm. “Good. I like that—it’s cute how you don’t know what to do with yourself.”

So effortlessly, he pulled the same reaction from you as before. The two of you kept talking, stealing these quiet moments before anyone arrived. Eli picked up on your hesitance with him, knowing you thought he was too charismatic for someone like you. But he also made it clear he didn’t mind your quieter world; he’d be just as happy living in it if you’d have him there.

Later that day, you ended up with his jacket draped over your shoulders and his hand resting gently on your back. You got to listen Bobby complimented you, saying you were better at adjusting his bass than any of the past techs they’d worked with. The way he talked about you was similar to how Eli did, which made you suspect Eli had already mentioned you to them before, even without knowing you well yet. None of them questioned your sudden closeness with Eli, not even when he introduced you like they didn’t all already know who you were. They were welcoming, you felt at ease.

 Eli’s hand slipped from your waist slowly, your smile softening as he looked at you. He was enjoying the way things were going. “I’m gonna grab us some food,” he said, tilting your chin up and pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “And a Diet Coke too.”

 You grinned, your smile so wide it showed all your teeth. “Want me to come with you?” Before either of you could say more, Ryan appeared with a question about drum kits, and Eli could see in your eyes that you wanted to answer.

 “I’ll be right back, I promise, little one,” he chuckled, leaving you with them. Minutes later, Ryan mentioned, “It’s great that Eli managed to finally talk to you. We’ve been hoping to catch you since that project you worked on with Miles.”

 The statement was so casual that you raised your eyebrows, realizing it had been over two years since that project—quite some time if you thought about it. “You guys were looking for me?”

 Ryan nodded, as if it were obvious. “Actually, Elijah suggested it. He’s into the albums you worked on. It took a while—you’re not exactly easy to track down.” You laughed, looking at them, struck by how Eli had admired your work for much longer than you’d ever realized. You’d thought he was out of reach, yet he’d appreciated your work from the start.

 “Don’t break our boy’s heart, alright? We’d have to side with you then, but we’d rather not,” Josh added with a smirk, and you felt your face heat up just as Eli returned, grinning, with a Diet Coke and fries in hand.

 You figured maybe you could handle this, after all.

[icyg4l]

PAC: What Upgrades are Coming Into Your Life?

Hello beautiful people, so sorry for the delay on readings. I've been really distracted lol. But tonight marked the end of the $5 4/20 weekend sale. I am grateful for those who have purchased a reading. Now, if you would like to purchase a reading, please read my guidelines and let me know! (They will be regularly priced until another sale comes along). Now, this weekend’s PAC will be all about the upgrades that are coming in your life! Whether that’s in your career, home, family, finances, love, etc. We’ll find together! So without further ado, please pick your Megan baby. 🤭

Top Left-to-Bottom Right (1-4):

PIle One, I feel like things have been getting hectic in your life. I think that this is a group of people who can get easily distracted by the small things. A lot of you are going through a breakup/separation from someone that betrayed you or love bombed you. I can feel my throat tightening as I’m typing this. I’m sorry, Pile One but this is a blessing in disguise. I think that this will be a death/rebirth period for you. I am seeing snippets of the Hiss video, specifically when Megan is dressed in all silver. I think you will come out stronger than ever. When I say stronger, I mean you will be less tolerant with other people’s bullshit and having better boundaries. I feel like someone tried to dominate you and as a result, it ruined your self-esteem. I see you taking some time to yourself and realizing who the fuck you are. You need to know that things will get better. Anything that happens over the course of the next seven days is meant to happen, Pile One. 

Cards Used: The Empress (RX), Prince of Cups, 7 of Swords, Strength, The Hermit, 3 of Swords (RX), The Magician, Temperance (RX), The Lovers (RX). 

extras: “bovine”. playing the dozens. hbcu bound. 1H lilith. a full shopping cart. laughter.

Pile Two: If you suffer from insomnia, you will absolutely start to get better sleep. Pile Two, you’re such a smart worker. I know you don’t like to work hard, and you will be getting a reward for that. I see a promotion coming your way. If you have a boss that has an explosive temper, I see that this will happen within the next three weeks. Your life also seems chaotic like Pile Two. You also seem like the obsessive type. I feel like this is a pile full of nightowls as well. Part of your upgrade process will mean embracing your shadow side. I think that you have some trouble with other women (if you’re a woman), or having trouble embracing your soft side. It is okay to be vulnerable. I also see if you’re on the search for a new car, then a woman will co-sign a loan for you. It seems like you will be changing from the inside out. The longer it takes for you to address the issues that you have going on internally, the longer the results will come. I am seeing that when you finally decide to open up and be vulnerable, the physical changes will manifest. For example, if you want longer hair, your hair will grow two inches. If you want to change your life, change your mind Pile Two. And I’d recommend you look up the term ‘limerence’. Start making changes to become more grounded and less clouded by delusions, fantasies and looping thoughts about stuff that does not exist in your reality. It’s time to let them go, Pile Two.

Cards Used: 4 of Cups, Queen of Cups, The Chariot, Ace of Discs, 3 of Discs, The Devil, King of Cups (RX), The Tower, 9 of Swords

extras: listening to nightcore. “egoic”. meat market. fresh beat band. beauty shop (2005). picker-upper.

Pile Three: Your hard work is finally going to pay off. You’ve been obsessing over your work and dedicating so much of your time to it. It is finally going to receive some recognition because you decided to not give up on your dreams. As a result, I see that your dream lifestyle will be well-funded. If you’re an artist or a clothing designer, this will especially resonate with you. The amount of time that you spent on your passion will be appreciated by many eyes, Pile Three. If you’ve been having a hard time accepting someone for who they are, or if you have been struggling with your emotions in general, I see that you will get a handle on it. And also, if you’re looking for a vendor, you will find one! You are being called to continue to focus on your craft. I am channeling this interview of GloRilla where she says that she abstained from relations with men, partying and alcohol for sixty days before she blew up. Then FNF was released, and that marked the start of her mainstream journey. So, keep going baby!!

Cards Used: Wheel of Fortune, Strength (RX), 5 of Cups, Queen of Cups, 7 of Cups, Princess of Discs, The Devil, 3 of Discs, Temperance, The Star

extras: christina aguilera. spiders. a series of unfortunate events. award shows.

Pile Four: The only way that you can learn from your mistakes is if you actually implement the lesson into your life, Pile Four. I can tell that you’re stubborn. Once you really understand that nothing can change if YOU don’t move things around, you will know how powerful you are. Some of you may have a really thick (and attractive) accent. I think that you can use this to your advantage to make things shake for you. Pile Four, do you really know yourself? Like outside of the things that you do and have, who are you? It is time for you to do some soul searching, my love. It feels like I am talking to a shell of you. I think that the upgrades that are coming in will involve other people. You will find someone who helps you embrace your rawest, natural self. I also think that you will be interested in fitness and will find a workout partner. Investing in yourself physically will impact you emotionally. You do not need to go back to your old self because they’re gone. Take pride in this new you. I feel that your spirituality will strengthen as well. Your boundaries will grow stronger, and as this happens, you will lose more friends unfortunately. But I don’t think you’ll be affected by it. Overall, I feel like this pile will gain a lot of clarity and mental strength to start breaking generational curses and shedding old skin. You got this, Pile Four!

Cards Used: 8 of Cups, The Star, Death, 9 of Swords, 7 of Wands, The Fool, Temperance, Page of Wands, The Lovers

extras: “you smell good.” “be you.” jump by tyla. maison margiela. kick-ass. wwe.

[leadmetothegardenbetty]

OKAY I AM ON THE TRAIN SO HERE IS THE BREAKDOWN MY FRIENDS:

• I got there late bc I didn’t plan well enough and thought I’d be okay time wise and it was Not Okay and I fully almost had a panic attack complete with crying and hyperventilating bc I knew I was gonna be at least five minutes late

• Since I got there late I’m not sure if they did like an intro to the film but in attendance was: Kyle, Emily, Adam (director), JP (director of cinematography), Ross (producer)

• They talked a lot about things we’ve already gathered from interviews when the movie initially came out (i.e., they got time to spend together before they first started shooting, all the music was written first before shooting started — mentioned how Watermelon came to fruition through Emily journaling in character as Patty and that Adam played all the music for Watermelon, also mentioned how Kyle blew out his voice twice during the process of recording for PSYOPS (he apparently tried to prep by singing along to the tracks in his car which as a Bad Idea))

• I did not actually know/do not know if this has been shared before but Kyle and Emily flew out to the shoot together and Adam booked it so their seats would be next to each other, they talked about how much time they spent together and how they would grill steaks, have dinner together,

• There was a Pumpkin mention (the pitbull Kyle got from his neighbor that he bought off of him bc he could see the dog needed a better home), also apparently Kyle found out at 5:30 AM during the shoot of the PSYOPS show that the former owner of Pumpkin was willing to sell her to him and there were a bunch of problems with the dog (she had her period, had to wear diapers, etc, etc))

• Emily talked about how playing Patty healed her inner child and she talked about how Kyle and her really just played versions of themselves in Patty and Simon. Kyle mentioned how he’s always loved punk/pop punk and he grew up in mosh pits and he loved getting to be a musician for this movie (I was tempted to yell out FINGERS ERASURE at one point because Adam and Kyle both talked about how Kyle had “never been in a band before” but alas I am a coward and idk if it would’ve been appreciated lmao)

• A couple people asked Adam for writing/creative advice, he told them to just kind of go for it!

• Kyle and Emily touched on how important it was for the film to go to those crazy/more vulgar places to really show what Patty was going through

• There was A LOT of Patty/Emily love!! I think pretty much every audience question was either aimed at Emily or Adam and 9 times out of 10 Kyle or Adam directed the question back to Emily

• Someone did ask when we could expect the PSYOPS tracks to be released and they said they were “working on it”

Overall guys it was an absolute BLAST to see this film with a crowd, I think like half the audience was seeing it for the first time which was fun in itself. There was no singing along and some people laughed at odd parts (I thought) but ultimately getting to watch with Kyle and Emily in the audience and seeing how much love they were getting—especially Emily, was so so incredibly wonderful!!

I am still kind of soaking everything in so if I remember anything else I will reblog and add!!

[missjomarch]

Josephine - Luke Hughes

A/N: This is the longest thing I have ever written. Like actually. I heard the song Josephine by Pony Bradshaw and my brain was begging me to do something creative with it, so I wrote this. But I'm on my period so it turned very sad and angsty quickly. So now you all get to suffer along with me! With that said please please read the warnings and if at any point you feel uncomfortable click away.

Word Count: 3.7k 😳

Warnings: Grief and angst with no real happy ending or comfort. Cursing, crying, mentions of blood and pain. A half second on 18+ content but no explicit details.

(Portions in italics are flash backs. Enjoy, lovelies. 🫶)

Luke Hughes sat sprawled in one of the cushioned armchairs spaced across the rooftop bar the New Jersey Devils currently resided on. His view of the New York skyline was fuzzy, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the beer in his left hand or the smoke from the joint in his right. The one thing he was sure of was that he didn’t want to be here, and he damn sure didn’t want to be sober. Luke could feel the pitying looks from his brother and captain all the way across the bar, but at least they hadn’t made any comments tonight. 

The team had won the game earlier in the day by a large margin and Luke wasn’t beating himself up over minuscule mistakes like he used to. No, that wasn’t the issue. In fact, Luke was playing some of the best hockey he had in years. His on-ice performance was probably the only reason he was even still on the team, considering that he had been skipping most morning skates and all public appearances for the past few weeks. 

He had seen the therapist the team provided and taken the weeks off that the trainers had suggested, so he isn’t sure why they insist on continually doing mental checkups on him. It was irritating. Especially when he didn’t give them the answers they wanted, so they sent Jack to pester him instead. All it did was remind him of you. 

“Luke.” 

His head snapped towards where you sat in the passenger seat of his car, eyes shining and a soft smile on your lips. 

“The light has been green for like 30 seconds, babe. What’s going on in that pretty head, hm?” 

Luke always swore that your sweet voice could melt 20 feet of snow in the dead of winter. It was like coming home from a long day to a warm house. It was one of his favorite things about you. So, because he knew you’d ask the question again, he simply shrugged his shoulders in response. He fully planned to keep his troubles to himself in an attempt not to worry you, but then your manicured hand was running through the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Tell me about it, Lu. What’s wrong?” 

With your use of the nickname, he was gone. Suddenly all the world’s problems were spilling from his lips, and he couldn’t stop them even if he wanted to. You tended to have that effect on people. You were just so damn easy to talk to. And the best part? You almost always knew how to make it better. A quick kiss and a Band-Aid, and Luke was back on his way with a smile. 

“Luke,” you mumbled, “Luke…” 

“Luke.” 

Jack stood in front of his brother, shaking his shoulder to break him from his trance. 

“You okay?” Jack questioned, not missing the shine in Luke’s eyes as they were torn from the skyline view. He watched as Luke took a deep drag from the joint in his hand, exhaling the smoke as he attempted to clear the lump from his throat. 

“Fine, Jack.” 

“Bullshit,” Jack couldn’t help the scoff he let out, “Get up, we’re going home.” 

Luke didn’t have it in him to argue. Not that he would have, anyway. He never wanted to leave the house in the first place, especially after the situation Jack got him into the last time they had gone out. 2 months ago, his brother had dragged him to this same rooftop bar insisting that it’d be good for him to get out there again. It took all of 30 minutes before Jack was pushing Luke in the direction of a random girl. “A good fuck will fix you right up”, Jack had claimed. 

“Luuuuke,” the girl below him moaned as he kissed down her neck. He didn’t know her name, didn’t particularly care to either. He was a bit too busy resenting his brother for setting him up with this random girl in the first place. 

He tried to ignore the hot anger flowing through him, tried to focus on the heavy breathing of the blonde and the way her nails were raking down his back. Luke’s hands dipped under her shirt, quickly finding her bra and giving it a harsh tug downwards. His fingers fumbled deftly until they gripped her tits, drawing a sharp gasp from the girl. 

“Oh! Lu, please,” she whined. When he didn’t respond, she went to pull his face to hers. But Luke had froze, brain short circuiting at the nickname he hadn’t heard in over 8 months. 

His throat was burning. His breath turned ragged as he yanked his hands from beneath her shirt. He stared at her with wild eyes, chest heaving. 

“Get out,” he ground out. His heart was pounding. What was wrong with him? 

“Are you okay?” The blond started back at him with a horrified expression, and Luke had to bite his tongue to keep from spitting out any malicious words. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Leave, please.” He begged, unable to look her in the face.

“Luke, I don’t understand,” she tried to reason, “Luke…” 

“Luke.” 

Jack was looking at him expectantly from the driver’s side of his sleek BMW as he navigated the late-night New Jersey traffic. Luke blinked slowly, trying to clear the bitter memory from his foggy mind. 

“Sorry, what’d you say?” Luke questioned, choosing to ignore the concern blaring in his brother’s eyes. Jack seemingly decided to let it be, instead jumping back into whatever he originally asked. 

“I was asking if you thought the stadium series would be a good time to introduce Sydney to mom and dad? I know it’s only been a few months, but I don’t know when they’ll be in town again.” 

Luke nodded, “Are you just going to do it at dinner? Or the hotel?” 

Jack hesitated, clearly contemplating the options before lighting up, “What if I brought her to the family skate? She’s been wanting to learn anyways! It be just like when you brought jo-” Jack choked on his words, immediately recognizing his mistake. He turned towards his brother, attempting to get a read on his face in the dim light of the passing streetlamps. But Luke had already shut down, face turned to stare blankly out the window. 

Jack reached over to give a comforting squeezing to Luke’s left shoulder, “Luke.” 

“LUKE!” you squealed as your hands white knuckled his sweatshirt. He giggled at your skating stance before pulling you to his chest. 

“You alright there, Bambi?” He smirked down at you as you sent him a glare. 

“I’m new to this, asshole. It’s not my fault my teacher is no good,” you threw back at him. It was your turn to smirk as Luke’s mouth hung open in mock offense. 

“I’ll have you know that I’ve taught hundreds of kids across the state of New Jersey how to properly skate.” 

“Those poor kids,” you quickly retorted, sticking your tongue out as he scowled at you. However, that scowl quickly faded into a look of mischief and your face dropped as his arms loosened around you.

“Fine. Suit yourself, Bambi.” Luke let you go, giving you the lightest of shoves backwards. Then you were stranded. Forced to watch as your boyfriend skated backwards away from you, leaving you wide eyed and terrified as you froze on the ice. Your fear quickly turned to anger, and Luke marked the shift in your demeanor with a laugh. 

“Luke Warren Hughes, you come back here and get me right now.” 

“Nope. Come and get me, baby.” Luke winked at you as he skated past, only serving to further frustrate you. You’d never admit that his plan was working, but the anger was motivating. You let out a strangled groan before starting to shuffle forward, sliding your skates like Luke taught you. You were doing well for a while, slowly making your way towards where Luke was taunting you from the boards behind the net. That was until two kids flew past you, knocking you off balance and sending you scrambling to regain it. 

“Luke! Luke, Luke, Luke,” you called, too focused on your slipping feet to notice if your boyfriend was coming to your aid. Then you lost balance completely, tumbling down towards the ice. You closed your eyes as you avoided flinging your arms out to catch yourself, still heeding Luke’s warnings even as he got you in this mess in the first place. You prepared yourself for the cold hard burn of your backside hitting the ice, but it never came. Instead you landed in a pair of unfamiliar arms, barely recognizing that you weren’t on the ground before being hauled to a standing position. You carefully turned around and were met with Jack’s smiling face. 

“Knight in shining armor, at your service,” Jack grinned, adding a small salute for effect. You rolled your eyes, scanning the ice for Luke. 

“How long have you been following behind me?” 

“Ever since Luke pretended to leave you stranded. He planned the whole thing, I was behind you the entire time to save you from your inevitable demise,” Jack poked you, smile growing impossibly wider at the annoyed look gracing your face. 

“Big words for someone who never went to college,” you shot at him, needing anything to level the playing field between you. It was then that Luke finally returned, skating to a smooth stop to your left. 

“What’d I miss?” 

“Your girlfriend was insulting my intelligence after I graciously saved her precious be-hind,” Jack spoke, adding a bit more than his usual sassiness into the bit. Luke turned to tsk at you. 

“Now, now baby. We can’t make fun of people just because they’re less fortunate than us. It’s not Jacky’s fault he’s stupid,” Luke joked, loving the way your eyes lit up when you realized that he was joining your side. Jack, however, stood slack jawed across from you. 

“Now what the hell, Luke? I went along with your little plan, and this is how you repay me?” You and Luke just blinked at him, silly little grins sitting on your face. “Go to hell, both of you,” Jack scoffed before skating off. Once he was gone, you turned towards your boyfriend. Your pout returned, but it was quickly kissed away. 

“I promised you I’d never let you fall, baby. I just never said it’d be me who caught you.” 

You scowled, “you’re such a smart ass.” 

“Love you too, Princess,” Luke grinned. You begrudgingly allowed him to pull you into his chest, the warmth he radiated melting the glare right off your face. 

You turned your head to press a kiss into his jacket-clad chest, right over his heart. A warm smile graced your lips, “I love you, Lukey.” 

“Lukey!”

John Marino stood before him on the ice, stick poised to do the defensive drill coach had instructed them on. 

“You’re out of it today, kid. Are we going to do this drill or not?” 

“Yeah, my bad. Let’s go,” Luke nodded his head, once again trying to shake the thoughts of you from his mind. He had just barely cleared his vision before the puck was dropped, and John was racing towards him. Practice continued like that, Luke losing focus periodically until one of his teammates pulled him back into the moment. 

When he trudged into the locker room an hour later, he was more than ready to go home. These were usually the days he would most appreciate having you to come home to. Leaving a hard practice and coming home to fall asleep in your arms was the best feeling. He tried not to think too much about the gaping hole that memory left in his chest as he untied his skates. 

Once he was dressed in his sweats he rushed from the locker room, hoping to escape the arena before anyone could question his mental wellbeing. Luke made it to the car without any hounding from the guys or trainers, but he had to wait for what felt like an eternity before Jack finally made his way into the parking garage. 

“What the hell took you so long?” Luke questioned, hopping into the passenger seat as Jack unlocked the car doors. 

“Coach wanted to talk to me for a second. You could’ve gotten the keys from my bag, yknow.”

“Yeah, but then I would’ve been tempted to leave you here,” Luke smirked at his brother. 

Jack only rolled his eyes, all too familiar with Luke’s teasing. His mind swirled with the reminders his coach had left him with after their brief post-practice discussion. Coach was getting extremely concerned about Luke and the lack of focus he displayed at practice and games. Jack was also concerned, and so was most of the team. He knew he should bring it up, but the joy in Luke’s eyes was so rare these days that Jack couldn’t bring himself to disturb it. He just wanted to support his brother the best he could, but Luke wouldn’t open up to him. Or anyone, for that matter. Not his mom, not Quinn, not even his old teammates from Michigan. Luke wouldn’t talk to anyone about you.  So Jack took what Luke gave him. Watching late night hockey, Door Dashing dinner, or playing video games for hours on end. Anything to keep his brother occupied, and make him realize that he wasn’t alone. 

Luke finally made his way into his room at 11 pm later that night, feeling relatively okay after eating dinner and watching a Canucks game with Jack. He had felt so unlike himself lately that any small reprieve from reality was a welcomed gift. He also knew that it helped Jack worry about him just a little bit less. 

Luke had just turned out his bathroom light after brushing his teeth when his door creaked open, revealing Jack standing in the doorway. It wasn’t unusual for Jack to check on him before bed, but it had recently become more frequent. 

“You good to leave for practice at 8 tomorrow?” Jack questioned. 

Luke nodded, “Yeah, I’ll be up.” 

“Better be. I’m not in the mood to drag your ass out of bed in the morning.”

Luke rolled his eyes, but the wary look on Jack’s face made him hold his tongue on the snarky response he was about to shoot back. 

“Promise, I’ll be good to go at 8.”       

Jack deemed that a good enough answer, and went to shut the door.

“Alright. Night, Luke.” 

“Luke…” you shakily whispered on the phone. Your voice was wobbly and high pitched, the tears streaming down your face evident in your tone. 

“Baby?” Luke spoke into the phone, “What’s wrong?” 

It was an hour and a half until puck drop, and you should’ve been on your way to the stadium by now. Luke’s furrowed brows caught the attention of Jack in the next stall over, stopping his movements from where he was lacing up his skates. 

“I was on my way to the arena, and I…” a broken sob escaped your mouth, startling Luke as he tried to fathom what could’ve possibly happened after he left the house. 

 “Someone hit me.” 

Luke jumped to his feet, “What do you mean hit you? What happened?” 

“I don’t know. Someone ran a red light or something and they hit my car. I think I spun into a pole,” your breath was growing ragged as you recited the wreck. 

“Are you okay? Where are you? I’m coming to get you,” Luke rushed out as he began grabbing his clothes back out of his bag. Half the locker room was staring now, all with varying looks of concern. 

“I don’t know what to do. I’m bleeding,” you squeaked. “Lukey, there’s so much blood.”              

This sent Luke into a panic. He was stripping his gear as fast as humanly possible while simultaneously yelling at Jack to give him to car keys. Jack’s concerns fell on deaf ears as Luke undressed, and he finally decided that following Luke was the safest option. 

“No. You’re okay, baby. I just need you to tell me where you are, okay? I’ll be there so soon, just tell me where,” Luke begged. He knew logically that the cops would arrive before he could, but he needed to be there with you. 

“Don’t know. But my head hurts so bad,” you whimpered out. Luke tried to ignore the way he could hear your voice weakening as you spoke. 

“Just stay on the phone with me, love. I’m on my way to come get you, yeah?”

Luke tried to reassure you as he shoved his feet into his shoes and rushed from the locker room. Jack was hot on his tail, car keys in hand. 

“ ‘m sorry, Lu,” your whisper was barely heard by Luke as he sprinted down the hallways of Prudential Center. 

“For what, love?” 

“I wanted to be at your game tonight,” you mumbled. 

“It’s fine, baby. There’ll be a million more games for you to come to, yeah?” 

Luke attempted to comfort you as he searched for your location, plugging it into the GPS as Jack pulled out of the parking garage. Luke could only hope the pregame traffic wouldn’t get in the way. 

“Mhmm. Lukey?” 

“Yeah, baby?” 

Your voice was barely a whisper, “I love you.” 

Luke swore he could feel his heart shatter at the crack in your voice. There were tears streaming from his face as he pushed Jack to drive faster. 

“I love you too, princess. So much. Jacky and I are going to be there so soon. I just need you to hang on for a few minutes. Can you do that for me?” 

Luke’s voice was frantic and only grew more so when he heard your phone tumbling out of your hand. 

“Baby? You’ve gotta stay awake, okay?” Luke pleaded, as tears streamed down his face. His hands shook where he held the phone to his ear. 

“Baby? Please tell me you’re okay. I just need you to say something.” 

Luke’s begging continued until the line went dead. 

“Fuck,” Luke muttered, sobs beginning to wrack his body. Jack looked at him frantically as he continued to navigate the streets of New Jersey. 

“Luke? What the hell happened?” Jack kept spitting questions, but he might as well have been talking to a brick wall. “Snap out of it, Luke.” 

“Luke.” 

Luke awoke to Jack shaking him violently, and he tasted the salty tears streaming down his face before he felt them. ‘No. Not again,’  Luke thought. He shot up in bed, sending Jack scrambling backwards to avoid knocking heads. Luke’s head whipped back and forth wildly as his eyes searched the room. ‘Please, please, please,’ he begged the universe. He ignored the way his brain reminded him of the truth, ignored his brother’s pitying look, ignored the cold bed beside him where you should’ve been. It was if the whole world was pointing and laughing at his grieving heart. ‘Look at this idiot,’ they all seemed to say, ‘He still thinks he can save her.’ 

“Fuck,” Luke exhaled, finally giving up his futile attempts at disproving what he knew was his reality. 

Jack stared as his younger brother lost himself to grief once again. Watching as Luke’s hands disappeared into his curls, head bowed as sob after sob wracked his body. Jack felt helpless knowing he couldn’t take this pain from his little brother. All he could do was hold him and promise to be there through it all. 

“I can’t keep doing this,” Luke whispered into Jack’s shoulder. “Every time I wake up, I lose her all over again, and I can’t do it anymore.” 

Jack hesitates, unsure exactly what to say in this situation. You were always the one with the best advice, the one who could handle anything. 

“We’re going to get you through this, okay? You’re not alone in fighting this,” Jack paused, contemplating how to suggest his next thought. “I know you think you’re fine, but I really think you need help Luke. She would want you to get help.” 

Luke nodded, knowing his brother was right. You would hate to see him like this. Ever the caretaker, you had always been the first person to chastise him for not taking proper care of his mental health during hockey season. If you saw him like this, you’d pull him into your arms and then absolutely rip him a new one until he promised to take care of himself. 

“I know,” Luke mumbled, “I’ll start seeing a therapist. I think I need to step away from hockey for a bit too. It’s not fair to the guys that my mental health is affecting the team performance.” 

“I think that’s smart,” Jack agreed. “The guys might not understand what you’re going through, but they know it’s not your fault Luke. They want you to get better too.” 

Luke could only nod, trying to accept Jack’s words as the truth and fight the part of his brain that was saying this was all his fault. Luke was so tired, but he wasn’t willing to go back to sleep when he knew memories of you was what awaited him. 

“I’ll call the trainers tomorrow. I don’t really want to go back to sleep, can we watch a movie or something?” 

“Of course,” Jack agreed, despite the exhaustion weighing him down. “I’ll even let you pick.” 

A slow, knowing grin spread across Luke’s features, “Even Secretariat?” 

Jack’s sigh could be heard all the way in New York, but he smiled nonetheless. Just happy to see that Luke was making small steps towards returning to himself. 

“Even Secretariat.” 

So that’s how Luke and Jack spent their evening, watching movies and eating obscene amounts of popcorn. Luke had smiled to himself for most of the night, feeling a weight lifted off his shoulders. He knew the process would be slow and that he might never truly get back to ‘normal’. But admitting his pain and asking for help, that was enough for now. 

[daniiiboo]

fearless- jh86

summary- moments in the song fearless that i thought was jack core

dani's thoughts- yay ! another fic ! and im actually rlly happy w this one !!!

warnings- nu uh nope! only cuteness

word count- 2254

You walk me to the car And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there In the middle of the parking lot 

The game had just wrapped up, and the arena buzzed with the energy of victory. Jack had been on fire tonight, his usual flashes of brilliance lighting up the ice: his speed, his vision, the less-than way he threaded passes, all were reasons you loved watching him play. But tonight, something felt even more electric, even though the game had ended.

The two of you made our way through the quieting corridors of the arena, past the excited chatter of teammates and staff, heading toward the exit. The night air was cool against your skin as you and Jack stepped outside into the parking lot, the sounds of the city filling the silence between the two of you.

"You were amazing out there," you said, nudging Jack lightly with your shoulder.

He grinned at you, the glint in his eyes. 

"Thanks. We got the win, that's what matters, right?"

"Of course," you said, smiling up at him. "But that assist in the third period? That was next level."

Jack's grin widened as he shoved his hands in his jacket pockets.

"You know I play better when you're watching," he teased. His voice was light, but you could make out the affection in his eyes.

You both had reached his car, but just before he turned the door open, Jack had turned and faced your direction. For some seconds, he was staring, like holding onto the quiet of that particular moment. The low hum of the city seemed very far, like the world had come down to just the two of you.

"Hey," he said softly, taking my hand, pulling you gently toward him. "I wanna ask you something."

You tilt your head, intrigued by the way his voice softened, his usual playful demeanor replaced by something more sincere.

"Anything," you replied, your heart skipped a beat.

"You walk me to the car," he started off, a smile pulling at his lips, "and you know I wanna ask you to dance right here. In the middle of the parking lot."

You blinked, not quite believing what you were hearing. But then his eyes flashed with that mischievous glint, and you just couldn't help it.

"You want to dance? Here? Now?"

Jack grinned, all charm. "Yeah. Out here. No music, just us."

You couldn't help but smile. This was so Jack: spontaneous, a little bit crazy, and completely endearing. But you didn't hesitate. Because right then and there, you knew it didn't matter where the two of guys were, whether a band was playing or a big crowd was watching, it was just him and you, and that was enough.

"Alright, let's do it," you said, pulling him toward the center of the empty parking lot.

The cool night air brushed against your cheeks as you and Jack stood there, the stars overhead sparkling like diamonds in the vastness of the sky. Jack took your hand, his fingers warm against yours, and he pulled you close.

"See? It's perfect," he murmured.

You looked up at him, your heart fluttering.

"You're crazy, you know that?"

He just shrugged, his grin never faltering.

"Crazy for you."

And then, without any music to lead the two of you, you guys started swaying. There was nothing to be heard except the soft rustling of the wind and the far-off buzz of the traffic. Your feet moved slowly without much rhythm, but it didn't matter. The two of you were in our own world, the noise of everything else falling away.

His hand was at the small of your back, tugging you closer while your arms wrapped around his neck. You felt the warmth emanating from his body, the steady beat of his heart against your chest, and in that single moment, it felt as though nothing else in the world could be more perfect.

"You know," he said in a hushed tone, his voice barely above a whisper, "this is probably one of the best parts of the night."

You smiled, your cheek resting against his shoulder. "I couldn't agree more."

You danced like that for hours, it felt like, the world silent around you except the sound of breathing, the rhythm of your feet upon the pavement. There were no distractions, no obligations, just the two of you, caught in this small, intimate moment.

At some point, you pulled back just enough to look up at him. His face was soft, his smile genuine, and the way he looked at you made everything else seem irrelevant.

"You know," you said, a teasing note in your voice, "we should probably get in the car before people start wondering why we're having a private dance party in the parking lot."

Jack's eyes danced with mischief.

"Let them wonder. This is our moment."

Run your hands through your hair Absent mindedly makin' me want you

You watched Jack from the passenger seat as he took the roads, his eyes on the streets ahead, hands clasped on the wheel with that natural ease that always made him look so confident. Jack was always composed under pressure, whether it was on the ice or moments like these; it was one of the things you loved most about him.

As the night settled into a peaceful rhythm, you found myself getting lost in the way the light of the streetlamps danced across his face, casting shadows that so accentuated his features that he could almost have been the star of a movie scene. Then, without warning, he did it.

Jack ran a hand through his hair, pushing strands back, and it was as if the world around the two of you froze. You couldn't help the way your heart skipped at the simple, absent-minded gesture. His hand ruffled through his messy brown hair as if he didn't even realize what he was doing. But for you? Impossible to ignore.

It was such a small movement, yet it swallowed you in a wave of heat and made you want him more than you already did. He had done something so casual, not even thinking about it, and the surge of longing felt foreign.

"You make it hard to concentrate," you said softly, your voice almost a whisper.

At first, Jack didn't seem to hear you; his eyes remained fixed on the road ahead, but then you saw those lips curve into that playful smile, the one which always made your knees go weak. He glanced over at you for a second, eyes gleaming with mischief.

"Distracted already?"

You chuckled, shaking your head.

"Just… just run your hand through your hair again."

Jack's eyebrow rose in obvious amusement.

"What, this thing?" He lifted his hand and ran it through his hair again, this time slower, more deliberate.

You couldn't but laugh lightly, but inside, you were already a mess. Just the way he did it, effortless, natural. The way his fingers slid through his hair so absent-mindedly, the motion almost hypnotic, making you want him even more.

"You're impossible," you muttered, your voice playful, but full of undeniable tension.

He grinned, his eyes still on the road, yet the corners of his mouth curled upward in that  familiar, irresistible way. 

"You love it," he said, as if it were some sort of fact.

You leaned back against the seat, feeling the warm night air through the slightly cracked window, trying to calm the fluttering in your chest. The streetlights blurred as you drove further into the quiet suburbs, but all you could focus on was Jack, his smile, the way he looked when he was so comfortable with you, the way his presence felt like home.

"Do you know what you do to me?" you asked lowly, your voice barely a whisper.

He looked at you again and softened.

"What do I do?"

You turned to him, your heart thudding in your chest.

"You just. you're so effortlessly you, and everything-every little thing-you do drives me crazy. You make me want you so much without even trying."

Jack didn't say anything for a minute, and the silence between the two of you stretched out just a bit longer than usual. Then he reached over, his hand finding yours, his fingers gently wrapping around it.

"You don't know how much I love hearing that," he said softly, his voice serious but warm.

You squeezed his hand; the touch from him was like an anchor- real. There was no need for great gestures, sweeping declarations, and quiet moments like these, where it was just the two of you and nothing outside existed.

As Jack turned onto your street and pulled into the driveway, he didn't immediately turn off the car. Instead, he looked over at you, his eyes soft, searching.

"What's on your mind?" he asked, his voice low almost to a murmur.

You looked at him, your heart pounding in your chest. 

"You," you said simply, your voice soft but filled with all you felt at that moment.

And I don't know why But with you I'd dance in a storm In my best dress

It was one of those nights that have everything go just right-the kind that make you smile for no particular reason whatsoever. You and he had spent the evening enjoying each other's company, dinner at that little place the two of you loved, having laughed over dessert, talking about anything and everything. It wasn't anything extravagant, but that's what made it feel so special. It was just the pair of you, lost in your own little world.

As you guys left the restaurant and out into the cool night, the weather seemed to shift. The air had been crisp when you arrived, but now standing in the parking lot, the clouds overhead grew darker and the wind started to pick up. You could feel the first drops of rain hit your skin-light at first, but quickly turning into a steady downpour.

Jack didn't, though. His hand found yours, his fingers lacing with yours  as he led you toward the car. 

"Looks like we're going to get soaked," he said with a grin, his voice light teasing.

"I don't mind," you replied, your smile matching his. "I think it's kind of perfect."

He glanced at you, a little surprised by your reply, but there was something in your voice that seemed to spark something in him. His thumb brushed over the back of your hand as he opened the car door for you.

But no sooner were you getting into the passenger seat than you felt the sudden urge to do some crazy thing. The rain was coming down in sheets now, and you couldn't help but think of all those times you dreamed about dancing in a storm. Why not now? Why not tonight?

Before Jack could even sit down in the driver's seat, you  threw open the passenger door and stepped back out into the rain, feeling its cool water rush over you. The sound of the storm was loud, thunder rumbling in the distance, but all you could hear was the beat of your heart racing in your chest.

You twirled to face him, a wild grin spreading across your face. "Come on," you hollered over the storm. "Let's dance!

Jack blinked in surprise, a soft laugh escaping his lips as he looked from you to the pouring rain. He shook his head, but his smile never faltered. He closed the car door and jogged toward you, his hands already reaching for yours as the two of you met in the middle of the parking lot.

And without another word, you danced. The rain came down on you guys, soaking through your clothes in seconds, but it didn't matter. The world around you could have been falling apart, and you wouldn't have noticed. Jack spun you around, wet hair flying around your face, and you laughed, the sound mingling with the rumble of thunder.

At that moment, there were only the two of you, lost in the storming chaos.

You stepped back and looked up at him, his face lit by the occasional flash of lightning. He, too, was laughing, his brown hair plastered to his forehead, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

"I don't know why," you said, panting from the dance, "but with you, I'd dance in a storm, in my best dress."

Jack's smile softened as his gaze locked with yours, holding you close against him. 

"You make everything perfect, even the storm."

You grinned, feeling the rain running down your skin, free, alive, the world yours for the taking.

"You know," you said, "I think I'd do this every night if I could."

Jack pulled you close against him, his arms wrapping around you, holding tight as the storm raged around the two of you. He rested his forehead against yours, his voice a quiet murmur as he said, "I'd dance in any storm, any time, as long as it's with you."

And in that moment, it didn't matter that you were soaked to the bone, or that the storm wasn't showing any signs of stopping. It didn't matter, because it was with him. And that was all that mattered.

You guys stood there, swaying together in the rain, dancing under the storm that couldn't touch the two of you, knowing that you had everything you needed in that moment.

[putellas14]

It Was Only a Matter of Time, ficlet 1 (Alexia Putellas x Reader)

This ficlet was getting out of hand and becoming a full blown fic, which was never my intention. I cut it back down into ficlets. Hopefully that means you can get little tidbits of this story over time rather than having to wait another millenia for a full fic.

If you haven't read It Was Only a Matter of Time yet, I'd highly encourage you to read that first.

The next 15 hours were a whirlwind. You barely remembered last night, given the amount of alcohol consumed in the Barca locker room and the party afterwards. But the one thing you remembered was that Alexia refused to leave your side for more than 10 minutes. Which is why it didn’t surprise you to wake up next to her with her arm tossed over your waist.

It didn't surprise you but it did make you so unbelievably happy.

Smiling to yourself, you took in her sleeping form. You were in a hotel room, presumably Ale’s, although you weren’t sure. Turning your head gently, you checked the other bed and saw Patri sound asleep.

Turning back towards Alexia, you leaned closer to press your lips to her forehead. She opened one eye and smiled seeing you next to her.

“I’m going to run over to my apartment quick and get a change of clothes,” you whispered.

“No,” she whined, using her arm to drag you closer.

“I’ll be quick.”

“Shower here.”

“And clothes?”

“Use mine.”

“I know we’re close, Ale, but I don’t want to wear your underwear.”

Her nose squished up in an adorable expression of disgust. “You’re right. But I’m coming with you.”

You laughed softly. Of course. Jesus, why was she so adorable? “Okay, let’s go.” You tried to roll out of bed and found yourself pulled back and flipped over with Alexia hovering over you. “Well, hi,” you muttered.

“Morning.” She leaned down and just as her lips met yours, a pillow hit you both in the side.

“I can see you, you know,” Patri groaned. “No nasty business while I’m here.” Rolling over, she buried her head under the cover and let out a snore. Laughing, Alexia pushed off of you.

At your apartment, you barely managed to convince her that you weren't going to shower with her. It didn't matter that you'd seen each other is many stages of undress before. You'd never showered together. And even though you were insanely in love with Alexia, you didn't want this to be the first time you were together, still mildly drunk, verging on hungover, officially together for less than a day.

However badly you wanted Alexia, this was not how your first time was going to happen.

You walked out into the kitchen towel drying your hair. She handed you a coffee. "Oh thank you." You gave her a kiss in return.

"You're welcome," she answered as she pulled her shirt over her head. "Guess I'll take my shower now."  Dropping it on the counter, she walked around you, trailing a single finger along the band of your pants.

Groaning, you tried to hold it together. She kept walking. "Care for another shower?" she asked over her shoulder when she got to the bathroom door.

"Ale." Her sports bra hit you in the face and she giggled. "Oh my god. You're going to kill me. Let me drink this coffee before I die." You slumped over your coffee, refusing to look in her direction.

"And here I thought you'd want to have your way with me before you died. But okay, enjoy your coffee." A second later you heard the shower come on. You groaned again.

Do not think about her in the shower.

Do not think about her naked in the shower.

Do not think. Period. There. Just stop thinking. 

Shaking your head, you finished off your coffee and put your cup in the sink. Hands settled on your hips and you felt lips on the back of your shoulder. You turned to face her. Her hair was still a wet tangled mess. Her cheeks flushed from the heat of the shower. She was dressed in one of your shirts. Cupping her cheek, you wrapped your other arm around her to hold her close. "Feel better?"

"A bit hungover. Maybe you can kiss it better," she whispered. Despite how stupid the line was, you couldn't help the smile that formed as your lips met hers. You'd lost track of how many times she'd kissed you since yesterday. But every time she did, it still felt unreal. It felt like you were living in a dream.

"I'm so in love with you," you said, leaning back. Her nose scrunched as she looked up at you.

"I'm completely in love with you, too," she whispered.

You kissed the tip of her nose. "What times does your bus leave?"

She glanced at the clock on the wall. "We should probably head back soon," she answered with a pout. "I have to be on the bus in an hour."

The two of you walked slowly back across town, not wanting the time together to end. You learned that the city of Barcelona had organized a parade for the team, which would be the day after tomorrow. The league's final match would be midweek and then Alexia would be on holiday. Officially, you had already begun holiday, but you'd signed on to help at a few youth soccer trainings. It pained you to tell Alexia you wouldn’t be able to come to Barcelona for her final match of the season.

"Oh! But you could come to Ibiza, maybe? We leave next weekend."

You'd already committed to a vacation with some of your teammates. They'd get over it. "I miss our Ibiza trips," you quietly admitted.

Alexia put her arm through yours and leaned her head against your shoulder. From then until she boarded her bus, she clung tightly to you, not wanting to let you get too far in the short time you had left together.

Though the next week was busy,  she returned to the memories of your touch often, desperately missing you. You  talked every day, multiple times. You watched Barcelona's last match and cheered for them as they all celebrated their league win. You kept yourself busy with the youth camp. It was fun to teach excited children about your favorite sport. But you were glad when it was over. The year without Alexia had been difficult and you had a lot to make up for. All you wanted was to get to Ibiza and back to Alexia.

[marimayscarlett]

LIFAD turns 15 years old today 💿🎶

On this day, the 16th of October 2009, the album 'Liebe ist für alle da' was released. The work for this album started the year prior, as the preproduction for the album took place from February to October 2008. The focus of the band in the beginning period of the production lay on learning how to work together again, playing songs together and gather ideas. In Hermannshagen, over the course of about one month, the band came up with up to 90 recordings of little snippets (like choruses and riffs), which they recorded for later.

After this brainstorming period, the band moved to the Beesenstedt castle in Sachsen-Anhalt to rehearse. The process apparently was less than easy due to tension in the band. The individual members seemingly first had to reconnect with each other, since the last production had been some time ago. Richard described the process of working on the album as difficult at times: "Everyone was involved and interested in everything, which meant the decision-making power was practically zero because everyone wanted to go in a different direction. Six people on the boat and everyone playing captain – that's really tough."

After the work period in Germany, the band moved over to the US for recording. Drum recording took place in the Henson Studios located in Los Angeles, and the final destination were the Sonoma Studios in San Francisco. The studio they had booked there fell far short of their expectations – the band felt cramped and not as comfortable as they had hoped for a successful recording of their new album. Paul describes it as follows: "There we ended up in a studio that was in the middle of a retiree resort. We had imagined that differently, because actually the area was quite cool. There were cougars and deer running around, but we were in the middle of nowhere, and when we booked, we couldn't see the barbed wire that fenced off all the paths. We felt cramped, and on top of that, the studio wasn't exactly inviting. The owner had hung unsightly things everywhere that we had to take down first. However, after de-cluttering the rooms, we started to feel better."

In total, about 20 songs were recorded, of which 18 songs were published (15 on the special edition of the album, plus Mein Land and Vergiss uns nicht on the single for Mein Land, and Gib mir deine Augen on the single for Mein Herz brennt.)

The promotion for this album was done by advertising clips, for example an old lady enjoying "Frühling in Paris" and a bodybuilder lifting weights while listening to "Mehr".

Eugenio Recuenco was the artist behind the album aesthetic - he shoot the pictures for the booklet as well as for the cover of the album. Richard mentioned a similarity to the painter Hieronymus Bosch regarding the style and arrangment in the pictures. In the US, the cover was censored - an additional inlay paper on top of the usual cover showed the cover picture, but without the woman on the table

Less than a month after the album's release, it was placed on the German index. The reasons given for this were the song Ich tu dir weh, which was seen as glorifying violence, as well as this particular image of Richard:

Due to these reasons, from November 11, 2009, the original version could only be sold upon request to adult customers and was no longer allowed to be advertised. On the re-release of the CD following the indexing of the album, there is only a several-second pause in place of the song. On the cover, Ich tu dir weh is crossed out in red and marked with the footnote "Removed after censorship by the authorities of the Federal Republic of Germany." The letters of the song lyrics in the booklet were replaced with Xs except for brief excerpts.

After a lengthy legal dispute, the album was finally removed from the index in October 2011 and can once again be distributed with Ich tu dir weh.

Nevertheless: The album, like its predecessors, entered directly at number 1 on the German charts and stayed there for two weeks. In total, it was in the Top 100 for 83 weeks. It also held the number 1 spot for several weeks in Austria and Switzerland, and even reached the Top 20 of the album charts in the USA and the UK. In the ranking of the best-selling albums in Germany in 2009, Liebe ist für alle da ranked 7th.

Some additional facts surrounding the album:

During their tour for the album, Rammstein performed Ich tu dir weh with altered lyrics.

The album was originally supposed to be called Wiener Blut – like the Rammstein song about child abductor Josef Fritzl. However, they decided against it because there was already a Falco album with the same name.

Richard about the album title: '"Liebe ist für alle da" (Love is there for everyone) is a very Christian thought. Of course, one must ask, is love really there for everyone? I would hope that it is. Can we forgive those who have misunderstood love? I often think about that, and I fail, then make some progress, only to go back again.'

The chorus of Frühling in Paris is inspired by Edith Piaf's chanson Non, je ne regrette rien.

Four years after the album's release, Führe mich was used as a soundtrack for Lars Von Trier's controversial film Nymphomaniac.

The song Haifisch is inspired by Mack the Knife from Brecht's The Threepenny Opera.

Sources: rammwiki metalhammer rammstein.de welt.de noz.de

[jo-harrington]

Incremental Planning (A Store Manager Verse Story - Steve Harrington/Reader)

Previous Part: On-The-Job Training

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Wicks'n'Sticks!Reader (you'll see)

Summary: You and Steve have been going out for a little while and he suddenly feels the need to step up his game.

Warnings/Themes: AU where the Upside Down doesn't terrorize Hawkins. Fall 1985, Steve and Robin work at Scoops, Reader works at Wicks and Sticks (formerly at Dippin' Dots; you job hop...it's a thing), New Relationship "Troubles," Infatuation/Crush, Cute Dates, Tie in with the Store Manager Verse

Note: Dedicated to @dr-aculaaa (late bday gift), @rosewaterandivy and @carolmunson who've heard little tidbits intermittently but this has taken a minute to come together. And @ghost-proofbaby for the last date idea. Enjoy <3

You can find my masterlist here for more fics featuring pretty much exclusively Eddie Munson content but also a little Steve.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

---

If Steve had to pick one thing that was his best quality, it would be that he was reliable.

"Psshh, yeah right," Robin scoffed. "Reliably late to picking me up for work every day."

"Hey!" Steve argued. "I promised to drive you to school when it starts next week, so could you...I dunno...gimme a break here?"

"You don't need to do your hair every morning; I have band first period so if you could please be a little better with time, I'd appreciate it!"

"Robin!"

Reliable, unfortunately, was boring. And you were anything but boring.

Steve learned quickly that his favorite thing about you was that you changed with the seasons. If the wind blew in a different direction, so would you.

Just like the whole vanilla debacle, you were never satisfied with one flavor. Yeah you liked a root beer float for a while, but before long, you were a banana split person. And shortly after that, hot fudge.

And while changing tastes in ice cream was endearing and made him a little looser--and got him a date--it was how quickly you changed tastes in other things that had him a little worried.

"I quit Dippin' Dots!" you announced one afternoon in early September, throwing your visor at him from across the counter.

"You what?" He stared at you with wide eyes.

"I quit," you raised your eyebrows and tilted your head towards him. "Dippin' Dots."

"No I got that I just...why?" He held his hands out around him. "Rival ice cream shops. That's kind of our thing."

"Well, you're just gonna have to get a job at a rival candle store because you're looking at the new sales associate at Wicks'n'Sticks."

You grinned at him and proudly pulled the little name badge from the back pocket of your jeans, your name already engraved and everything. Steve's eyes darted between it and you, unable to comprehend that you were joking.

"No, I'm not serious," you laughed. "Unless you hate it here, which I know you do."

"Shhh, not so loud!"

"The pay sucks, you always go home sticky, and you get yelled at by every mom in Roane County for getting their order wrong. I've heard you say it enough times Steve."

You were right; he just liked sticking to routines. Routines were nice...reliable.

"So what does that mean for us?" he asked.

"Means we're just gonna have to get another thing," you offered. "Like...making out in the service corridors instead of up against the kiosk after hours."

Ok, so...he could live with that.

What worried him was, well, if you were just just dating reliable old Steve Harrington all the time, you'd get bored with him. Nancy had gotten bored with him and looked for someone...better. You'd already gotten mad at him for being slow on the uptake about the small vanilla cup. What if he was boring in some other way? What if you tired of him just like you tired of your job at Dippin' Dots?

He'd already established a routine with your dates. Movie nights on Thursdays whenever new shows came out, then dinner at Benny's on Sunday nights, and lunch at the food court on Tuesdays when your shifts aligned.

You always said you liked your "dates."

"Is that what they said?" Robin asked as he aired his fears to her on the way to school one morning. "'Dates.' With air quotes?"

"Yeah?" He stumbled over his words. "Why? What are you--why are you--what is that...is that a problem? It's our routine."

"Oh god," she groaned and slammed her head back against the headrest. "You already have a routine? Dating isn't about routines. Is this...did you have routines with Nancy?"

"Yes, why?"

"Ok, new plan of attack," she waved her hands in front of her. "New date ideas. Every week. You, Steve Harrington, are hopeless."

---

The whiteboard in the backroom suddenly became the "Date Idea Board."

Robin had told him to do it as soon as he got to Scoops, brought the board out to the counter with him. Ice cream was less popular in the mornings, it seemed, especially with kids back in school--

He could see why you jumped the Dippin' Dots ship. Aside from the handful of mall employees taking their breaks and wanting ice cream, he was bored.

--so he had plenty of time to think of something before the closing lead came in.

But the board remained blank all the way up until lunchtime.

"What did I do during school?" he threw his hands up in the air as he started towards the food court. "Movies...dinner...parking up at the quarry and making out? We haven't done that yet. I guess..."

He roared in frustration as he got in line at Hot Dog on a Stick, earning dirty looks from several lunch-goers.

"What?" he scoffed at them, and then tried to nonchalantly glance around.

And that's when Steve spotted them, tucked at a table near JCPenney, heads close together as they each held an earpad of a set of headphones connected to a walkman on the table, free hands reaching periodically for a basket of cheese fries: Eddie Munson and the Claire's manager.

It kind of made Steve a little antsy, like he was observing a private moment, the way they smiled at each other and bantered back and forth. He didn't even get this feeling watching couples make out in the hallways at Hawkins High. He wondered for a second if anyone felt that way when they saw the two of you together...

No one saw you together at the movies, or late Sunday nights at Benny's. And during lunch on Tuesdays, you definitely sat across the table from one another...not next to each other like that.

Was that it? Was that the answer? Just...go more places together. He really wished he had someone to ask about this.

And his wish was granted when Eddie looked at the time on his watch and then, with a flick of his girlfriend's dangly earrings, he ran out of the food court.

Steve abandoned his place in line and rushed across to plant himself in Eddie's vacated seat.

"Uh," the manager squinted her eyes at him in recollection. "...hi cherry lipbalm guy."

"It was strawberry, actually," he then pointed to his name tag, "and it's...Steve."

"Hi Steve," she amended and pointed to her own name tag to introduce herself.

"Hi."

It was awkwardly silent for a moment.

"I don't have any lip balm down here," she chewed her fingernail for a moment. "If that's why you stopped by. You have to go ups--"

"I need dating advice," he blurted out. "Again."

"Wha--"

"Where does Eddie take you out for dates?"

"I don't...they're not..."

"Because I...ok you remember the Dippin' Dots cashier?" he launched right into his story, despite her deer-in-the-headlights expression. "They agreed to go out with me--thanks, by the way--but they're...I'm afraid they're getting bored of our routine."

"Routine?" she winced.

"That's what Robin's reaction was too. Sorry, Robin, that's my friend, she works at Scoops too. Anyway..."

Steve continued his tale, telling her about your new job and general shift in likes and dislikes from day to day. How unpredictable you were, how much he liked that about you but how much he feared that meant you wouldn't like him before long.

"And I just...like them so much? I don't want to screw it up."

The Claires manager's expression had softened the longer he talked and once he was done and out of breath she smiled.

"Well this is a really nice development."

"That's all you have to say?" he asked incredulously.

Her expression fell.

"Listen, Steve, I only have 5 minutes left of my lunch and I'm very happy to give you advice if you need it but it seems like you don't really need it. You know what it is your friend likes, or rather...how your friend's likes change...you just need to be...spontaneous and deliver the unexpected!"

"But what is that?" He raked his hands through his hair. "What should I do? What does Eddie do?"

"Eddie doesn't..." she sighed. "You shouldn't just mimic what he does, but he's himself. He's goofy and loud and we do goofy and loud things. He likes snacks, I like snacks...we're constantly sharing food."

She gestured to the cheese fries.

"Just do what feels right? Be yourself. Incorporate them into things that you want and need to do. Need to go to the laundromat? Ask if they want to go and watch the soaps with you while your towels are in the dryer."

For a minute that didn't make much sense to him. That wasn't a date. Who went on dates like that? But...you know, once upon a time he used to watch his parents pretend to waltz as they folded bedsheets together. The love that used to be in their eyes during a menial task.

Not that this was love with you but...he knew he could be a little bit of a romantic. One day maybe...

"I do like All My Children," he finally nodded. "Ok this could work."

"No Steve, wait..." The manager held her hands out as he stood from the chair and started jogging back to Scoops.

"Thank you!" he shouted and waved.

---

Thus began the gauntlet of unexpected, inventive, spontaneous dates.

He started with the Laundromat; it was stuck in his head now and it was either going to be a win or the biggest failure he had. And you'd break up with him.

You were a little baffled when he told you his idea, but you went along with it. He picked you and your basket up promptly at 9am on Wednesday.

"Did your mom stop doing the wash for you Stevie?" you joked as you tossed your basket in the backseat.

"Ha ha," he deadpanned. He actually begged his mom not to snatch up his dirty Scoops uniforms from the hamper so he could take care of them himself. She gave him the proudest smile and a kiss on the forehead.

But he would never tell you that.

You, by chance, were a regular at the All Washed Up on Main Street. Said hello to Cheryl the Attendant, who was folding the hourly drop offs. Had your dollar bills all ready to go and you did a little dance as the change machine chugged and spat out quarters.

You took the lead for him, when he--understandably--looked a little confused.

"Obviously they don't have soap for you to use," you rolled your eyes and slotted coins into the little machine with different soaps and fabric softeners. "You need to bring it yourself. Or buy it. What do you like? Snuggle? Do you like lavender?"

But he still had a few tricks up his sleeves.

He brought Uno and a deck of cards to teach you to play Gin Rummy.

"Just like my granny taught me," he smiled and your expression melted.

And when you started shuffling your clothes into the dryers, he got snacks from the vending machine for you both.

"Dr. Pepper and HandiSnacks." He proudly handed you your treat.

"How did you know I always get this when I come do my laundry?" you held them to your chest excitedly.

---

A night at the arcade was next.

To be honest, Steve thought with everyone's latest obsession over StarCourt, he'd be free to show his face at the Palace Arcade.

Unfortunately, his heart stopped when he saw the gaggle of familiar bikes chained up outside.

"Ooh, ok what do you say to pizza after we play some games?" you asked when you saw the pizzeria further up the strip mall. When you turned to him, you noticed his stricken expression. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing," he shrugged, trying to act cool. "No nothing, it's just...some kids I used to babysit..."

Great lie there Harrington, you still babysit them.

"...are here. Those are their bikes."

"Aww," your eyes got soft and you put on the baby voice you used to tease him sometimes. "Big bad babysitter Stevie and little his Kindergarten Crew. It'll be fine, they won't bother us playing Skee Ball."

You walked confidently into the arcade, straight to your favorite game, all while Steve sent cursory glances down each row of machines and tried to be as stealth as possible.

Like a ninja, he told Nancy once.

"Steve?" Dustin called as he spotted him ducking between a few Pac-Man cabinets. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh," Steve's eyes slid in your direction and then he waved awkwardly. "Hey Henderson, you know. Killing time."

"Max is trying to unlock a secret level of Galaga," he thumbed over his shoulder. "Maybe you can get next turn if she can't."

"I'd love to I'd just--"

"Steve?" He winced at your voice behind him. "You coming?"

"Yeah," he shot you a smile and then turned back to Dustin with murderous eyes. "I was just telling this little twerp to beat it."

"This one of the kids?" you sidled up next to him and smiled at Dustin. "Hey."

"Hey!" He got a sly look on his face and wiggled his eyebrows at Steve, who looked positively livid. "You on a date there, Harrington old boy?"

"Who are you, Jay Gatsby? I like you," you laughed at Dustin and then clapped a hand on Steve's shoulder. "I like this kid; you might as well introduce me to all the little rascals. It'll explain why you're such a PTA mom all the time."

Steve groaned as Dustin grabbed your arm and dragged you over to the rest of the kids, but he couldn't help the way his heart skipped a beat when you gave him a look of sheer glee and affection.

Maybe he was doing something right?

---

He blindfolded you for the next date--the last idea he had for this two week sprint full of creative dates--although...he might not have needed to do it for the whole car ride.

"Steve I'm gonna be sick," you had groaned pathetically from the passenger's seat of his car.

But it was worth it.

He'd gone to the mall office to grab the mail--who knew stores at the mall got mail--when he saw a pamphlet for local tourist attractions and he'd been inspired.

The Fort Wayne Children's Zoo.

You were in awe, it's such a sweet date idea.

The two of you held hands as you dodged groups of field trip goers, parents with their kids on playdates, and other bored adults. You told him fun facts about your favorite animals and his.

"I always wanted to be," you told him, nose scrunched in embarrassment. "I dunno...a vet or a...marine biologist or something. One of those big jobs that kids always dream about. Now I work at StarCourt Mall and I'm on the verge of finding a new job again."

"So do I," he chuckled. "At least you've thought about your future. I sort of never did."

"There's always time," your eyes sparkled. "We're still young and have our whole lives ahead of us. I've been looking at pamphlets for the Tri-County Community College. We could take classes in the next semester."

"Yeah?" he asked, slyly. "We?"

"Shut up," you pushed him to the side.

"Didn't know you'd still plan on dating me next year."

"Why not?"

Steve shrugged but kept his mouth shut, and then steered you towards your final destination.

The Reef.

So it wasn't a full aquarium, but it was close enough. He couldn't drive you all the way out to Indianapolis without arousing suspicion. Besides, the Reef had enough of an array of colorful marine life to make you happy. You gushed over all of the different fish that you recognized as the two of you wound through the small aquarium building.

You'd actually told him about your dream career as a kid before and he'd stored that little tidbit away. Pulled a favor with his mom to pull a favor with someone she knew and low and behold--

"Steve!" you exclaimed as you saw the little setup on the bench in front of the tank of Moon Jellies, an assortment of sandwiches and sodas basking in the blue glow emitted from behind the glass. "What's this?"

"Surprise!" He held his hands out a little pathetically. "The real date...not just the zoo but...a little picnic too."

"I love it!" you laughed.

"You do?" he beamed in relief. "I've...I've really been trying. I know...you're always so...and Robin said I was boring, so I thought maybe we could try some new dates. Not just...dinners and movies. I wanted to make you happy. Make you smile."

He kept rambling on about the other ideas he had, but then confessed that he sort of missed late dinners at Benny's on Sundays because he got to hold your hand across the table. He didn't notice the way your gaze got softer as he said the things that you'd been thinking all day--because these spontaneous dates were great but you missed the sweet dinners at Benny's and the movie nights where you made out in the back row at the Hawk during boring scenes--or how you inched closer you him until your hands were caressing his cheeks and your lips descended on his.

From the outside looking in, it was almost picturesque.

Something from a John Hughes movie as the two of you rocked back and forth in the glow of the jellyfish tank and one big smooch turned into little sweet ones, soft lips pecking at each other, over and over. Tasting the words that you each wanted to say to one another but...didn't quite have the courage to.

Yet.

Next Part: Developmental Achievement

[onlymingyus]

Bed of Roses (sax, settlements, and speakeasies collab)

pairing; lee seokmin (dk/dokyeom) x afab reader

genre; smut (minor dni), fluff, romance, angst

warnings; unprotected sex, marking, scratching, use of a rose as foreplay (rubbed against pussy), mentions the readers hair being pinned up and longer, cigarettes/smoking, alcohol, fighting, use of 1920's slang (probably poorly)

w/c; 6.7k and some change 

sax, settlements, and speakeasies masterlist

a/n; this was a fun fic to write, i tried to do as much research as i could but as with any period fic there will be inconsienctancies and lack of knowledge. thank you to @hyucks-rose for hosting this collab! thank you to @junkissed-replies and @wonwussy for reading and proofreading! please be sure to read all the fics in the collab as some will overlap -- mine will overlap some with @lipglossjun especially as she is writing for jihoon

Seokmin’s fingers run along the microphone, a smile crossing his lips that makes your stomach tighten even before he looks in your direction. A rose in his left hand, his signature prop every performance. Seokmin’s voice feels like silk against your skin as it reaches your ears.  

He grins into his song, his voice melting every person’s heart as he makes eye contact with a choice few before settling on you. You press your lips together, crossing your legs from one direction to the other and drawing his eyes down to them before he looks away. He knew better than to linger too long with all the eyes on him, especially Lee Jihoon’s, his boss and your brother. 

Your teeth catch your lip as he sings, making the women next to you swoon as if they get to go home with him at the end of the night. He had that effect on people. He could look at them, sing or talk to them, and make them feel like they were the only person in the entire world. When in reality you were the only person he wanted in his world and in his bed every night. 

Moving around the bar, Jihoon pauses to lean on the end, watching Seokmin with careful eyes. He was proud of the man, not only as an employee but as a friend. He had watched him grow into his voice over the past few years and over the past few months it had seemed his confidence had gotten even stronger. 

Jihoon’s eyes fell on you sitting at a front table, your finger running around the rim of a Jack Rose, a recent favorite of yours. You spent most of your nights here, though he urged you to find something better to do with your time. There were much better places for a woman who looked as nice as you to be, but you insisted on coming to The Diamond Glass night after night. 

“God, he’s a real cake-eater.” You narrow your eyes slightly to the conversation to your right, two girls swooning over Seokmin as he makes his way down the steps finishing his set. The rose dangling from his fingers. Each night he would hand off that rose to a lucky lady and most nights, just like tonight it ended up between your fingers. “Miss Lee.”

You laugh, feeling your cheeks burning at his attention and everyone else’s in the room. The girls at your side scoff, “He only gives it to her because she’s the owner’s kid sister. Sucking up to his boss, pretty smart of him. He’s using his head, can’t fault him for being smart.” 

Seokmin sighed softly, his back turned to the women. He had heard their conversation as well but he was a smart man who knew which battles to choose…even if they included you. Walking back up the stairs, Seokmin takes a bow then gestures to his band taking extra care to give more attention to the piano player, Junhui. The man grins, his fingers running across the ivory like he was born on that stool and to be in front of an audience. 

“Thank you ladies and gents. Refill your drinks and give another round of applause for Mr. Lee Jihoon for making any of this possible.” The patrons gasp in awe, many of them turning towards where Seokmin gestures at the bar to look at Jihoon. The man clearly not wanting the attention, simply lifts a hand and presses his lips together. His eyes scan over the crowd for you but in the excitement he had lost track of you, the only thing left on your table is a half finished Jack Rose and a long stem red rose. 

You smile against Seokmin’s lips, his fingers pressing against your sides to hold you against the wall of the dressing room. He couldn’t help but to return the smile having watched you as much as he could during his performance. You had fueled him and also frustrated him. “God, doll…you drive me crazy. You know that?” 

Nipping at his lips causes a small groan to slip from Seokmin’s lips. He knew that you were a minx and that you knew exactly what you were doing. “I don’t know nothin’, Seokmin. I’m just some girl who’s fallen head over heels for some singer.” 

Shaking his head, Seokmin’s smile pulls at the corner of his eyes. Your fingers clinging to his suit jacket feels like the only thing keeping him grounded to Earth. “Is that what you are?” Lifting his hand, Seokmin runs his thumb along your cheek, his index finger folded under your chin to lift your gaze to meet his own. 

“I think you are so much more than that. I’d give it all up for you, but you know that. Couldn’t stand hearing those girls running their traps off about something they don’t know anything about. Wanted to tell them you are my girl and to mind their business…” 

When you laugh, lowering your eyes, leaning your head to press your lips to Seokmin’s palm he feels like he is melting on the spot. You didn’t have to do anything special to get him wound up. “You know you can’t.” 

Yeah, Seokmin knew but that didn’t mean it made it any easier. It wasn’t like this was just some crush, this was the real thing. He wanted to tell the world, most of all he wanted to tell Jihoon so the two of you could just stop hiding but even the thought of it made his stomach twist up in knots. 

Jihoon sighed heavily, pushing through the crowd trying to make his way towards the back hall. He wanted to figure out where you had slipped off to but after Seokmin’s gracious words the patrons had flooded him with talk. It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful for them but he had a feeling and he wanted to follow up on it. 

Jun watched Jihoon carefully, managing to step in front of him before he reached the corner that would lead to the dressing rooms and bathrooms. His voice boisterous and cheerful as he leaned to pat his boss on the arm with a huge grin on his face. “The place is packed tonight Jihoon. What are you doing back here? You had people falling on their faces for a look at you.” 

Furrowing his brows Jihoon looked up at the piano player who was speaking far too loud for such a confined space. Junhui was a bit odd but this was strange even for him. “I’m doing something. What are you doin’? Nothing? Shouldn’t you be going back up on the piano soon?” 

He was right, Jun had taken his break so he was expected to be back on stage and getting people on their feet dancing. “Ah, yeah. I’ll head back out there. You know me boss. I’m just taking my time. So many people were up during it, I’m giving their dogs a chance to rest. Don’t need ‘em barkin while Seokmin is trying to sing, if you know what I’m saying.” 

You and Seokmin had already caught on to what Jun was doing for you two. He was one of the few people who knew about your relationship and also one who would help you hide it from Jihoon. With one final kiss that lingers longer than it should, you slip out the door and towards the bathroom as Jihoon groans at Jun’s words. 

“I get it. Have you seen my sister?” Jun swallows hard at the direct question, his elbow leaning awkwardly against the wall to block Jihoon when you open the door, slipping out only to open the bathroom door causing your brother to raise a brow. 

“Nah…why? She ain’t out there?” Raising his brow again, Jihoon scoffs, reaching up to pull Jun’s arm from the wall so he can push past him. It was all a little too suspicious at this point. You were up to something and this knucklehead knew more than he was saying. 

“No, obviously not so buzz off.” His shoulder hitting Jun on the way past him Jihoon starts to push open the dressing room causing Seokmin to take a sharp breath in when you open the bathroom door letting out a small sigh. 

“Jihoon?” His attention moving to you, hand dropping from the door, your brother scoffs glancing around before considering seeing who was in the dressing room again when you speak up. “What are you doing, following me?” 

“Question is, Y/N, what’re you doin?” 

You gesture back to the bathroom as if it should answer his question. Jihoon’s eyes look over your outfit then up to your face to your lips seeing your lipstick slightly smeared. “Yeah, sure and I’m a chump. If I’ve told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to be fooling around with these guys.” 

Narrowing your eyes, you push past your brother in a similar fashion he had pushed past Jun, only for Jihoon to put his hand around your arm pulling you back gently. “Y/N…I say it cause I care about you. I want you taken care of when you find someone to settle down with. Especially depending on who you were locking lips with…you ain’t gonna find that here.” 

Seokmin could hear the conversation moving away from the dressing room. His heart in his throat, he knew that Jihoon wasn’t wrong. He couldn't give you the life that you were already living, much less something better. All he could give you was what he had and his heart, and that you already had. 

Jihoon had walked you back to your seat, his hand moving from your arm so you could sit down. Gesturing to Joshua then your glass he got a nod knowing your drink would be refilled quickly. “Ya mad at me?” 

Your fingers ran over the stem of the flower in front of you as you shook your head no. Your heart is telling you something much different. You wanted to be upset with your brother but you knew he was trying to look out for you. You just wished he could see the same potential in Seokmin that you did. If he only knew it was Seokmin you were seeing and not just one of the randoms he had coming in for a week only to leave a couple of days later after making a couple of bucks. 

“No, Hoon…I’m not mad. Just wanna drink alone for a bit.” That told Jihoon all he needed to know. Leaning down he places a kiss to the top of your head and mutters a short ‘alright’ before he is taking his spot back near the bar, his watchful eyes never leaving you. 

Seokmin was trying to put away the overhead conversation from the club. You were standing in front of him in his apartment, no interruptions, no need to worry about anyone sticking their noses where they didn’t belong. It was just you and him. 

You smile when Seokmin moves behind you, his nose brushing against your neck next to your ear. A soft sound of pleasure slipping from his lips when he takes in a breath of you. You smelled sweet, a bit like apples and cinnamon. It was such a nice break from all that scent of booze and smoke earlier in the night. 

Your fingers slide over Seokmin’s forearm when he pushes his fingers along your lower stomach to pull you back against him. You could feel he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. Leaning your head back on his shoulder, you tilt your head to the side and just like you had hoped, Seokmin’s lips brush over yours gently. 

“Everything about you is too good for me. You know that?” Seokmin was finding it hard not to let his mind wander even with you in his arms, even with your lips so sweetly pressing against his own. When your nails gently scratch over his skin, Seokmin sighs against your kiss, his brows furrowing deep in thought. 

Turning in his arms, you drape your own around Seokmin’s neck looking up at him with curious eyes. “Why do you get to say so?” He couldn’t help but to let out a short, quiet laugh at your words. You were so headstrong, your entire family was like that. He had seen it with Jihoon and clearly when you wanted something you were going to get it. 

“I’m just sayin’, doll. I can only give you my heart…my voice, you know what I make.” His fingers slide along the back of your dress, undoing the buttons of your garment slowly. Each brush of his fingers caused you to take in a breath to steady yourself though you wanted to argue with his words. 

“I can’t buy a nicer place than this…you see what I got. This is probably all I ever have.” Lifting his hands, Seokmin runs the back of his fingers along your throat before dropping them to your shoulders to push your dress down your arms as he speaks. “I can’t give you the life you are living, much less a better one. I can’t put ice and marbles around your neck, as much as I’d like to.” 

The weight of your dress causes it to pool around your feet leaving you in your undergarments in front of a fully clothed Seokmin. He had only bothered to take off his suit jacket and shoes once the two of you had gotten to his place, but even as you stood in front of him feeling so bare you never felt uncomfortable. 

“If you think I care about all that mess, maybe you don’t know me as well as I thought you did Lee Seokmin.” Your words cause the man in front of you to scoff into a smile, one that pulls at his eyes and draws his cheeks a bit higher on his face. Moving your hands back up you start to undo Seokmin’s belt only for him to put his hands over yours and for him to walk you backwards towards his bed. 

Feeling the mattress behind your knees, you sit. your eyes lift to meet his loving gaze as Seokmin reaches one of his hands up to brush over your cheek, thumb tracing your lips slowly. “I know you, just like you know me. I was just saying what’s on my mind.” 

You knew why it was on his mind, mentally cursing your brother and his big mouth while also trying to just enjoy the fact that you were alone with Seokmin. In this apartment you usually didn’t have to worry about your family, about who you were, nothing but Seokmin. 

Moving his hand from yours to his pants, Seokmin lets you finish what you had started, his Adam’s apple moving dramatically as he swallows hard watching you closely. “And I’m just sayin’...why don’t you just make love to me and stop fussing over a bunch of bunk?” 

How could Seokmin say no to that? A grin forms on his lips, his pants falling to the floor at his feet. Seokmin takes another breath lifting his own hands to his shirt to make quick work of it while his eyes follow you moving back on to his bed. 

You were like a dream, some painting that had become real and Seokmin had to shake his head to keep himself moving. “Jesus, you make it hard not to just lose my mind. Ya know that?” Seokmin watches you smile, that pretty grin that drives him mad. You had a pull on him like no other person had in his entire life. 

Dropping his underwear to the floor, Seokmin puts one knee on the bed, reaching a hand out to run it over your leg. His nails scratch lightly over your thigh-highs causing you to bite at your lip until he reaches the end of your chemise. 

His fingers scratch back down your leg to unsnap the top of your stockings from the garter keeping them attached to your chemise. Seokmin’s eyes never leave yours, a warm look of intensity trapped behind them as you feel his fingers run over your leg where your stocking once was. 

“Unwrapping you might be my favorite part of the day…” Your cheeks burn at Seokmin’s words, he was bold with you in this room once the two of you felt comfortable. You enjoyed this side of him, how he would lean to kiss your thigh while his hands worked your other stocking from your leg only for him to move his lips to your now bare leg. 

“I just think you like teasing me Seokmin.” He smiles against your skin, his fingers running back up to your hips where he runs over the silk of your chemise on the way up to your shoulders to pull down the straps almost desperately. “Oh, God…careful. Don’t rip it, baby.” 

You say those words but Seokmin wonders if you mean it. He didn’t know how much your undergarments cost but though he had just said he didn’t have money to spare, he’d figure out a way to buy you more if it meant he could tear them off of you the way he wanted to. “Mm I’m not.” His lips brush over the top of your breast, his hands working the silk down your body as you arch your back then lift your hips allowing him to remove it from you completely. 

When Seokmin drops the final piece of clothing onto the floor he lets his eyes wander over your naked form. From your legs to your face, back down to your breasts, and finally between your legs. “Prettiest dame in the entire city…” 

Your eyes narrow, lifting your leg you push your foot against Seokmin’s chest. A laugh rises in his throat, his hands move to run over your calf to your ankle and back down as he stands in front of you, his cock standing hard and at attention for you. He only breaks eye contact with you long enough to lean and take a single rose from out of a vase next to his bed causing you to lift your brow and bite at your lip. 

“You do this almost every time.” 

“And every time…you like it.” You couldn’t argue with Seokmin when you feel the soft petals brush over your skin when he lightly drags the flower against your inner thigh up to your knee. A quiet moan falls from your lips, your hips lifting towards Seokmin and the flower only for him to pull it away running the rose along your shin, a smirk on his lips. 

“And you thought I didn’t know you. You got some moxie sayin that…” There was amusement in Seokmin’s voice that seemed to trail out into something more sensual when he heard you moan once again. Your own fingers were pressed against your breasts, Seokmin couldn’t take his eyes off of them even as he teased you with the flower letting it brush over your folds only to be taken away. 

You wanted him, you wanted more than the rose. As much as you loved the rose and his teasing you wanted him even more. “Seokmin…please. I love you baby, make love to me like I said.” 

That was his favorite thing to hear you say, that you loved him. It meant more than anything in the world to Seokmin. No amount of money could match the feeling of those words. The rose falls to the bed beside your head and Seokmin lays between your thighs, his lips finally finding yours once again. “Tell me again, just one more time, doll.”

You try to speak but Seokmin’s hand runs along your outer thigh to your knee, his cock brushing against your needy pussy causing you to moan his name instead. “Babe, you sound like a dream come true. Say it again…” 

Moving his hands between your legs, Seokmin slides his fingers between your folds relishing in how wet you were for him. The desperate whimpers falling off your lips were like the best song he had ever heard. Wrapping his hand around his length, Seokmin presses his tip against you and breathes softly against your lips muttering out a soft ‘please’ waiting for you to speak. 

“I love you Seokmin. I love you so much.” As soon as words leave your lips Seokmin slowly pushes into you, taking your breath away. A groan escapes his lips, feeling you clench around him instantly as he works kisses from your lips to your ear where he mutters “I love you too, more than anything in this life” against it. 

He was yours and you were his. That was all that mattered to either of you. At that moment no one’s approval was needed. If he had asked you to run away with him and elope you would have without question. 

Seokmin’s mouth pressed to your jaw, his hand sliding along the other side of your neck up into your hair. His fingers tugging some of the pins loose, letting it fall into his grasp. Seokmin smiled against your skin, his cock buried so deeply inside of you when you let out a low moan of his name feeling overwhelmed. 

Between your soft walls clenching around him, and the drag of his nails against the back of your scalp as he tugged at your hair, Seokmin was overloading your senses. He knew how to make you fall apart for him, every little button to push, every piece of skin to kiss in order to make you his all over again. 

Your nails scratch across his shoulder and Seokmin groans into the crook of your neck. His warm lips pause in their search for more skin so that he can whisper your name. The feeling of his own climax building causing his brows to furrow when he lifts his head to meet your eyes full of love and need. 

Leaning back, Seokmin wraps his arm around your waist pulling you up into his lap. The way he is reaching you so deeply now causes a breathy whine to slip from your lips before Seokmin claims them with his own muttering against them. “You’re my heart and my life, ya know that, doll?” 

Smiling on his lips, your arms wrapping around his neck, you roll down over Seokmin as he thrusts up into you granting yourself a deep groan from his chest. You were seeing stars, your orgasm so close you felt like you were going to burst. “You’re mine, Lee Seokmin.” 

The words seem to push Seokmin over the edge, his brows knitting together as if your words were the most profound speech he had ever heard. His thumbs press against your hips, fingers splay out along your lower back when Seokmin holds you in place before rolling over to his back letting you sit over him. 

He could feel the rose under his back, many flowers had met their end like this. Their petals soon covered the sheet under your bodies but neither of you seemed to care. You were too lost in one another to worry about the bed of roses you had always seemed to create. 

Seokmin’s head falls back, his throat exposed to you while your hands slide along his chest up to his shoulders. Your knees planted on the bed next to his hips you use what strength you have along with his hands lifting you to push yourself over the edge. 

You gasp out Seokmin’s name when your thighs begin to shake, your walls clenched tightly around him as you cum. His head lifts to the sounds of your pretty moans, Seokmin’s eyes never leave you, his hands holding you secure even as his hips meet yours hard and fast. “Oh, baby…so damn pretty. Shit…shit.” 

The words become breathy groans, your eyes open to fall on him getting your turn to watch him fall apart for you. There weren’t many things in the world as beautiful to you as watching Seokmin experience bliss.

His hands hold your hips to the point it's almost painful but you know he would kiss each mark later. Seokmin’s eyes close tightly, a smile forms on his parted lips before his hips stutter hard against yours and you feel his warm release begin to fill you. The feeling is almost enough to send you back over the edge to follow him again causing you to clench and for Seokmin to groan your name. 

“You’re gonna kill me…” Falling onto his chest and into his arms, you relish in the feeling of his long fingers running along your back up to your neck only to continue that path for several minutes. Neither of you are in any rush to move from one another even as he softens completely inside of you, the mixture of his and your cum dripping from you onto his thighs. 

“I’ll just kiss you back to life.” Seokmin laughs against your hair, his breath warm causing a shiver to run through you. You finally whine when he moves your leg and then his sliding from you causing you to feel empty. 

If he could be inside you for the rest of his life he would. He wished that those fancy scientists could figure that one out. Stop wasting their time on other bullshit and figure out the important things like how he could never have to be separated from you and out of this bed. 

“Don’t whine, doll. Gotta get cleaned up and get some food in you. You’ll fall asleep and wake up be sore at me if I don’t. Can’t stand when you are anything but happy.” Seokmin leans back to look at your face, running his finger along the bridge of your nose, a smile crossing his face when you can’t help but to smile at the gesture and his words. 

“Mm, fine but I want a Jack Rose.” You roll from Seokmin letting him slip from the bed, your eyes following him before they fall to the petals now covering the bed. A smirk forming on your lips you gather a few of them rubbing them between your fingers glancing back up to your boyfriend to find him watching you. 

You were a minx and a handful but Seokmin couldn’t help but know that he wanted you for the rest of his life. Watching you play with those rose petals melted Seokmin and made him want to fuck you all over again. Shaking his head, Seokmin grins, lifting his hand to rub the back of his neck at your request as his cock ached slightly just at the sight of you. “One Jack Rose for the dame comin’ right up.” 

Seokmin could never sleep very late into the day. It didn’t matter how long his nights were, even if they were longer with you. He had to have a little daylight in his life. Sitting on his small balcony, the doors open to let in the breeze and so that he could watch you sleeping, Seokmin let the cigarette rest between his fingers as he let the smoke out of his lungs on a slow breath. 

It was a beautiful evening, the sun was even with the horizon but as much as Seokmin wanted to admire that he couldn’t help but sneak peeks of you in his bed. You had started to stir, your fingers reaching out for him like you had so many times when you woke up at his apartment. He watched a frown form on your lips and felt bad instantly, but instead of going to you he decided to watch you for a bit longer, bringing his cigarette back to his lips. 

You knew Seokmin couldn’t be far, your frown didn’t last long when you realized where you were. Arching your back you smile, the sheet sliding down your body to your stomach, a happy sigh escaping your lips as you look around for any sign of him instead landing on the vase of roses. 

Wrapping the sheet around your chest you reach up to take one from its place. Bringing it to your nose takes in the sweet scent that makes you think of Seokmin and how much you love him. Seokmin leans on his elbow watching you run the rose along your shoulder and down your arm much like he had many times before. 

Swallowing hard, he brings the cigarette to his lips one last time to take a draw from it before tossing it away letting the smoke slip from his lips. Your lips were caught between your teeth, your face so bright, cheeks full. You looked so happy. Seokmin’s heart was pounding so hard as he thought to himself that ‘this is what love songs look like.’

Glancing up hearing the floor squeak, you can’t help but to smile seeing Seokmin standing in the balcony doorway, the curtains blowing in the wind, his hand in his pocket. He was still shirtless, pants unbuttoned, his hair only tamed by his fingers. Dropping the rose, you extend your hand for him and he wastes no time taking it, leaning down to press his lips to yours tenderly. 

Both of you knew you wouldn’t have long. Not as long as either of you would prefer before he would have to go to the club, but that wouldn’t stop you from melting into his kiss. That wouldn’t stop Seokmin’s hands from sliding into your hair holding you to him desperately as if you would fly away from him like a bird.

Smiling on his lips, you finally do pull away shaking your head when you hear him sigh. “I love you so much.” You feel his lips pull up, a small kiss brushing against your cheek as Seokmin nods, his hand sliding along the sheet to pull it open. He wanted to touch your skin and you weren’t going to deny him. 

“I love you too. Never wanna leave this bed, doll. Wanna be your husband.” He had said things like that before but it had been in moments of weakness and passion. Both of you had laughed it off knowing you would probably only ever be this. 

“Ask me then.” 

Seokmin’s lips were on your neck, his hand holding your side, his thumb gliding along your soft skin just under your breast when you spoke causing him to freeze. He had to have heard you wrong. Almost afraid to look up, Seokmin kisses your neck again before finally lifting his eyes to yours nervously. “What’d ya say?”

Your fingers rake through his hair, a smile on your lips though you were clearly nervous. “I said to ask me. You wanna be my husband, you gotta ask.” You weren’t the only one he’d have to ask or deal with when it came to this but god if he didn’t want this. 

“I–Y/N? Ya serious?” Seokmin watches you nod, no signs of this being a joke on your face. “What about Jihoon? You know I gotta ask him too. You heard him yesterday, no one in that club…me included is good enough for you. I don’t much disagree with him, you know what I said yesterday. As much as I love you, doll…I can’t give you anymore than what I got.” 

Your fingers tighten in Seokmin’s hair making him sigh out a slow breath. His eyes locked with yours. “I didn’t ask for excuses of why you don’t wanna marry me, Lee Seokmin. So if that’s all you’re gonna give me–” 

Seokmin doesn’t let you finish your sentence, panic rips through him at the idea of you denying him because of his own fear. His lips press to yours, his brow furrowed tightly, you feel how his hand clings at your skin as he mutters against your lips. “God no, I’m sorry. Marry me? Will ya? I’ll figure it out. I’ll rebuild the damn world to make it better if I gotta…just want you to marry me.” 

Your small laugh followed by a gentle kiss to his lips allows Seokmin to calm down. His heart is still beating so hard you can feel it against your body. Lifting your leg, you run your thigh along his hip, a smile on your lips as you nod leaning your head back so you can look at him once again. “You ain’t gotta rebuild nothin’. I love the man I got, just give me that and you got me. ‘Course I’ll marry you.” 

You knew he was right, soon he would have to talk to Jihoon, you both would. He would be furious, not only at Seokmin but mostly with you. Family didn’t lie, at least your family but you had been keeping a lot from him for a very long time, but that could wait. 

Seokmin sighs happily, his head lowering to rest against your breasts. You smile to the feeling of his warm breath against your skin as you close your eyes allowing yourself to push away any thoughts of Jihoon for now. That was a problem for later, this was now and you had your future husband in your arms. 

“I’m just sayin’ I gotta figure out a ring. Something that will look good enough to be on your finger.” 

You can’t help but smile, Seokmin lifting your hand to his lips to press them to the back of your knuckles. His eyes pull slightly at the corners when he meets your gaze, finding you giving him ‘that look’. 

“Somethin’ we can worry about later, babe. I got plenty of rings for now, ‘sides…we still gotta talk to Hoon.” Seokmin sighs beginning to speak, his head nodding as the two of you stand in his dressing room when the door closes causing you both to jump. 

“Yeah, you should’a talked to Hoon a while ago, it seems.” Seokmin’s eyes close to the sound of Jihoon’s voice. There was no way to know how long he had been outside of the door but that didn’t seem to matter anymore. 

Letting go of your hand, Seokmin clears his throat slowly turning to face your brother. “Jihoon, I –” He is cut short by Jihoon’s knuckles meeting his jaw with a loud crack causing you to let out a gasp. 

Seokmin’s first instinct was to fight back, his arms lifting to push Jihoon back, his own fist pulled back ready to make contact with someone he considered not only his boss but his friend. Tears were already on your cheeks as you pushed between them watching Seokmin lower his fist on his own accord. 

“I’m not going to fight you, damn it Jihoon!” Lifting his hand, Seokmin rubs his jaw wincing at the pain that radiates into his neck, turning away from both of you to curse under his breath before speaking louder. “I love her, and I ain’t sorry ‘bout that. So, if that means you gotta throw your fists at me some more, so be it. I’ll take it, I know I went about this all wrong.” 

You weren’t sure who to even give your attention to but when Seokmin groaned in pain, his hand moving over his jaw you couldn’t help but to move to him sliding his hand out of the way so you could look at his face. The skin was already red and you could tell there was some swelling, your brother had always been strong and wasn’t afraid to use his fists when it was needed. Glancing over to him, you watched Jihoon stand stoic, his eyes never leaving you or Seokmin even as your fingers tenderly tried to soothe the man. 

“I should have told you. I know that, alright? You didn’t have to punch him.” Jihoon doesn’t speak, instead he continues to watch as your attention is drawn back to the man in front of you. He watches how you look at him, how Seokmin’s fingers hold your wrist so carefully for a man so much bigger than you. He can see how much you two care about each other but that still didn’t make this okay. 

“Yeah I did. You know I did, and you should’a. We talked about this, Y/N…you know how I feel.” You start to speak but Jihoon lifts his hand moving closer to you and Seokmin, his eyes narrowed. “I think I get the chance to talk a bit, don’t you? I got a lotta catchin’ up to do.” 

Your cheeks were burning, you were angry and embarrassed but you knew he was right. You had hid so much from him. You owed him the chance to speak. Nodding you simply lean against Seokmin, his hand in yours while he also pays close attention to Jihoon trying to to piss him off anymore than he already has. 

“This thing, I dunno how long it’s been goin’ on, but if I had’ta guess it’s been a while.” Scoffing, Jihoon reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose, the memories of all the times in the past year he had caught you in different scenarios beginning to make complete sense. “All under my damn nose. Maybe I’m the chump, huh?” 

You knew that was rhetorical but you still shrug making Jihoon suck in a breath and reach out his hand to push his index finger into the middle of your forehead playfully. “Don’t push it. You really love this sap?” 

Jihoon watches a smile spread across your lips that even he can’t help but to feel a bit warmer because of. Your eyes lifting to meet Seokmin’s gaze, who presses his lips together trying to hide his own smile. “Yeah, I love him. I wanna marry him, Hoon. He’s mine…don’t want him with nobody else.” 

Wrinkling his nose, Jihoon didn’t know if he liked the sound of all of that. You were better than this, all of this, but of course you had fallen right into the lap of this world. “And you always get what you want, kid.” Sighing loudly, Jihoon looks at Seokmin before narrowing his eyes almost angrily, his hands lifting expectedly. 

Seokmin glanced at you a bit confused before Jihoon sighed, reaching to smack the man’s head as if to knock some sense into him. “You gonna at least ask? Or I could just knock your head off, your choice Seokmin.” 

You couldn’t help but be slightly amused, your brother using similar words that you had when you had brought up Seokmin asking you to marry you earlier in the day. A pained laugh leaves Seokmin’s mouth lifting his head, his mouth opening and closing to stretch his swollen jaw. Nodding he finally meets Jihoon’s eyes, “Yeah, I’mma ask. I really wanna marry your sister, can I please get your blessing to go ahead with that? ‘Cause I may not have much Jihoon but I still plan on making her a very happy woman.” 

Jihoon could see you were already happy, and to him that was already a pretty big step. He had half a mind to say no, to put you both in your place but watching the way you looked at him with your big puppy dog eyes even he had to melt, an annoyed sigh slipping out of his mouth. “You got my blessing. Don’t keep things from me ever again.” 

Moving from Seokmin you cause your brother to groan out another annoyed sound when you wrap your arms around him hugging him tightly. Only Seokmin sees the smile pull at the other man’s lips when he puts an arm around you holding you closely. “Yeah, yeah. Like I said, you always get what you want, kid.” 

Seokmin grins at the scene leaning his head back against the wall, a wave of relief falling over him when you finally move away from Jihoon and back to him, sitting on his leg. He shakes his head feeling a bit shy knowing your brother is still in the room as your lips brush against yours but he doesn’t pull from the kiss, instead he laughs against your lips hearing Jihoon groan once more then the sound of the door shutting. 

“Told you that you were mine, Lee Seokmin.” 

You smirk on his lips, Seokmin’s fingers pushing against your side as he holds you to him. “That you did, and you’re mine, doll.” 

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please note that I am doing my best to tag all of you who have filled out the tag list form but tumblr won’t let me tag some of you. I think that is because either you have tags turned off or possibly a blank tumblr page. consider reblogging some of the fics you like from me or other writers. ♥

© onlymingyus - all rights reserved. Reposting/modifying of any fic, or pieces of original writings posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations not allowed. 

[harryshomebaby]

it's hard to find the right words to say and i truly never thought i'd ever be writing something like this. and i apologize if this doesn't all come out the way i want it to.

i hate that i have to preface this by saying that i was not a fan or a supporter of Liam in recent years and do not condone anything that he did. the victims of his actions still deserve to be heard and find closure that they'll now sadly never see...

but if you were anything like me, Liam Payne was a significant part of who you were growing up. 1 of 5 individuals that we looked up to as role models, and that created some of the online communities we're still a part of today. that built friendships we probably still have to this day.

a mature but loveable boy that we all fell in love with in the very early days of One Direction, or even later. with video diaries, music videos, and behind the scenes clips that shared a glimpse of his personality with us, and tweets that some of us will never forget (it's a snake habitat, turn around!!), we watched him grow up alongside the boys while we were growing up ourselves.

we even had the privelege of seeing a small part of where he grew up and the people who raised him in This is Us and the "Story of my Life" video. we got to know a little bit about his life before One Direction, with small stories and anecdotes from his mother, Karen, and his father, Geoff. we got to see how loved he was by his family, by the band, and by all of the fans that adored him just as much as we did.

i still remember when i first learned about One Direction in 2012 and couldn't tell Liam or Harry apart because their hairstyles were so similar. and the shock the fandom had when he buzzed his head.

we got to see the good in him... even if it was only for a brief moment. five years of a band that carried so many of us through dark periods in our lives and that connected all of us to one another in a way that many of us had never experienced before.

we watched him grow up, live through the prime of his career, and saw the subsequent downfall of who he used to be. after One Direction split up, he opened up about his struggles with addiction during their tours and it was clear that despite what we all saw, it was never as pretty as their management had made the band out to be.

it's completely devastating that he was still struggling with substance abuse in the end. that he was never able to get the help he needed. and i am deeply sorry to all of the people who became victims at his hand. to maya henry who only recently opened up about her relationship to Liam and who is going to receive even more hate than she already has because of this tragedy.

i am sad that he wasn't able to get better. to get sober and attempt to rewrite some of his wrongs. that his addiction caused so much harm to him, but also to so many others. i am sad that he was so deeply troubled in his youth that he turned towards drugs and alcohol, and was never able to truly get his life back. i am sad at what fame did to him at such a young age. and i am sad for every single person that he hurt.

the entire fandom is on my mind today. all of those victims are on my mind today. his family is on my mind today. his 7-year old son is on my mind today. Niall, Zayn, Harry, and Louis are on my mind today.

this is heavy. and it's hard. and if you're struggling with the news, you are not alone.

my 15-year old self is in mourning today at news that i never thought i'd hear only a decade after One Direction's time. i may have never been a true fan of Liam in his solo endeavours, but he was still a big part of my childhood and the band that partially shaped who i am today.

this isn't how his story should have ended. and i'm sorry that it did. we'll never know the true intent of what happened today, but i do hope that he is in a better place and can find peace, and i sincerely hope that everyone he hurt is able to heal.

rest in peace, Liam Payne.

we'll all remember the good times we once shared every time we hear a One Direction song.

-

if you're struggling with your mental health, addiction, substance abuse, or thoughts of suicide, please consider reaching out to someone. everyone deserves a chance to get better. ♥

Suicide Hotlines & Support Below ↓

USA:

Suicide & Crisis Hotline - 988 Crisis Textline - text HOME to 741741 Youth Helpline - (877) 968-8491 or text 839863 

Canada:

Suicide & Crisis Hotline - 988

Suicide Hotline - 1 (833) 456 4566 Kid's Help Phone - 1 (800) 668 6868 Tran's Lifeline - 1 (877) 330 6366 First Nation's and Inuit Hope for Wellness Hotline - 1 (855) 242 3310

Australia:

Suicide Lifeline - 131 1141 Suicide Callback Hotline - 135 247 Beyond Blue Counselling & Helpline - 1300 22 4636

Argentine:

Centro de Asistencia Suicida - 11 5275 1135 , 800 345 1435 Servicio Gratuito de Atención Médica y Urgencias - 11 5050 0147

Ireland:

Suicide Hotline - +4408457909090 Samaritans - 116123

United Kingdom:

National Suicide Hotline - 0800 689 5652 Mental Health Crisis Support - 01708 765200 Hopeline247 - 0800 068 41 41 UK Supportline - 0 (170) 8 765200

For a full list of hotlines & support in your country:

Or find a Helpline Here:

[theblackdahliaemporium]

Drying Herbs

How to Dry Herbs

Drying is the easiest method of preserving herbs. Simply expose the leaves, flowers or seeds to warm, dry air. Leave the herbs in a well ventilated area until the moisture evaporates. Sun drying is not recommended because the herbs can lose flavor and color.

The best time to harvest most herbs for drying is just before the flowers first open when they are in the bursting bud stage. Gather the herbs in the early morning after the dew has evaporated to minimize wilting. Avoid bruising the leaves. They should not lie in the sun or unattended after harvesting. Rinse herbs in cool water and gently shake to remove excess moisture. Discard all bruised, soiled or imperfect leaves and stems.

Dehydrator drying is a fast and easy way to dry high quality herbs because temperature and air circulation can be controlled. Pre-heat dehydrator with the thermostat set to 95°F to 115°F. In areas with higher humidity, temperatures as high as 125°F may be needed. After rinsing under cool, running water and shaking to remove excess moisture, place the herbs in a single layer on dehydrator trays. Drying times may vary from 1 to 4 hours. Check periodically. Herbs are dry when they crumble, and stems break when bent. Check your dehydrator instruction booklet for specific details.

Less Tender Herbs — The more sturdy herbs such as rosemary, sage, thyme, summer savory and parsley are the easiest to dry without a dehydrator. Tie them into small bundles and hang them to air dry. Air drying outdoors is often possible; however, better color and flavor retention usually results from drying indoors.

Tender-Leaf Herbs — Basil, oregano, tarragon, lemon balm and the mints have a high moisture content and will mold if not dried quickly. Try hanging the tender-leaf herbs or those with seeds inside paper bags to dry. Tear or punch holes in the sides of the bag. Suspend a small bunch (large amounts will mold) of herbs in a bag and close the top with a rubber band. Place where air currents will circulate through the bag. Any leaves and seeds that fall off will be caught in the bottom of the bag.

Another method, especially nice for mint, sage or bay leaf, is to dry the leaves separately. In areas of high humidity, it will work better than air drying whole stems. Remove the best leaves from the stems. Lay the leaves on a paper towel, without allowing leaves to touch. Cover with another towel and layer of leaves. Five layers may be dried at one time using this method. Dry in a very cool oven. The oven light of an electric range or the pilot light of a gas range furnishes enough heat for overnight drying. Leaves dry flat and retain a good color.

Microwave ovens are a fast way to dry herbs when only small quantities are to be prepared. Follow the directions that come with your microwave oven.

When the leaves are crispy dry and crumple easily between the fingers, they are ready to be packaged and stored. Dried leaves may be left whole and crumpled as used, or coarsely crumpled before storage. Husks can be removed from seeds by rubbing the seeds between the hands and blowing away the chaff. Place herbs in airtight containers and store in a cool, dry, dark area to protect color and fragrance. Dried herbs are usually 3 to 4 times stronger than the fresh herbs. To substitute dried herbs in a recipe that calls for fresh herbs, use 1/4 to 1/3 of the amount listed in the recipe.

Copyright: This document was extracted from "So Easy to Preserve", 6th ed. 2014. Bulletin 989, Cooperative Extension Service, The University of Georgia, Athens. Revised by Elizabeth L. Andress. Ph.D. and Judy A. Harrison, Ph.D., Extension Foods Specialists.

Picture Credit: Linda Palmer- Pinterest.

[aois-amaterasu-painting]

Black B- PASS- Special Issue - The GazettE - NINTH Reference book - (part 1 - the 5 members solo interviews)

■ Interviewer: The title "NINTH" is quite simple, which is unexpected for a the GazettE album. Delving deeper, there are various meanings that the number "9" can imply...

RUKI: There might be some underlying meanings (laughs). But for this album, it’s simply just that.

■ Interviewer: Right, I see (laughs). The album doesn't have a unified musical direction, but there are strong emotions throughout. To put it simply, it's a strong feeling of 'We are not dead yet, and we can't afford to die.' Do you think that's a strong sentiment in this album?

RUKI: It's hard to explain in one word... I think a lot of different thoughts come together to form that kind of message. How should I put it. While I'm expressing all of myself, the lyrics overall might have a stronger negative aspect. However, the last track, "UNFINISHED," is relatively more positive.

■ Interviewer: Certainly. The straightforward words in that track were quite surprising.

RUKI: Yes, I wrote it honestly... Not that the other songs aren't honest, but I wanted to make it unembellished.

■ Interviewer: The phrase "You are the light that illuminates the path" was very moving and shocking in its naked honesty.

RUKI: Yes... recently, I haven't used such expressions... indeed.

■ Interviewer: Was there something specific that made you write like this at this time?

RUKI: The timing of making the songs and writing the lyrics was during a very negative period. Usually, I don’t write very positively, but I had a lot of thoughts about myself... I was quite at my limit. So maybe, on the contrary, I found salvation in the songs.

■ Interviewer: Despite everything, you could write these lyrics because you had someone to believe in, and your thoughts turned to continuing your activities towards the future, is that right?

RUKI: Yeah, that's right. But at the time I was writing the lyrics, I was wondering why I was putting myself through such pain… It was that kind of negativity. Revisiting those emotions at this point and reflecting on them again… The peak of it was around "itan" (referring to the series of live performances titled "Boudouku Gudon no Sakura" with the initial concept of Dainippon Itan Geisha). The period right after "DOGMA" ended was the lowest, and it feels like that has continued ever since… It's not as serious as it sounds (laughs). This is just my personal perspective.

■ Interviewer: I see. For example, in "NINTH ODD SMELL," there are specific words scattered throughout that trace the history of the GazettE.

RUKI: The way I wrote the lyrics is similar to "DIM SCENE," which was a song that sang about the album itself. But indeed, "NINTH ODD SMELL" depicts everything from our first album to the present.

■ Interviewer: Writing about the band's history in this way, at this time...

RUKI: It was probably because of "itan." After creating something like "DOGMA," I suggested doing "itan," but I'm usually the type not to touch on the past.

■ Interviewer: Yes, that's true.

RUKI: But I deliberately brought it out... How should I put it... I turned it into a product. I always said I wouldn't do that, but I did. In hindsight, I'm glad we did "itan," and I have no regrets about it, but it changed from the ideal I initially had for myself. The negative feelings about that were overwhelming. To put it bluntly, I did something completely opposite to my 'DOGMA' self, I'm not sure if I can say I was in a state of depression, but I felt like I couldn't see the way forward. I couldn't think of anything that would please the fans more than this, and seeing everyone happy about it made it worse. Even though I should have known better, in retrospect, I had this feeling of "Oh, I've done it."

■ Interviewer: It was indeed a significant event, like breaking a forbidden seal.

RUKI: Yes. That's why I remained in that state until I wrote "Falling." Maybe I overthought it, but it was something I had carefully protected, so I had a lot of thoughts about it. That was the trigger that made me start thinking about various things.

■ Interviewer: Did looking back on the past in "NINTH ODD SMELL" mean you had come to terms with it?

RUKI: No, I had already found closure with "Falling." I intended for "Falling" to be a song where I accept both my past and present self and fall... The lyrics reflect that. Saying I accepted it might not be quite right. The idea that even the parts of myself I dislike exist is a fundamental concept in this album. So, it's not that I dislike the songs or the world of "itan." But there were many parts that I thought shouldn't be, which I had sealed away. This time, I included everything in me… melodies, lyrics, without caring about good or bad. I had the intention to unleash what came to my mind without any restrictions."

■ Interviewer: You removed all boundaries and embraced yourself from any era.

RUKI: So, it's a bit different from the term "returning to the roots," but when I released what was still within me, it took this shape. The lyrics for "NINTH ODD SMELL" flowed quite smoothly, and in a sense, it was the first song for me. After falling with "Falling," "NINTH ODD SMELL" begins.

■ Interviewer: I see. That makes sense why "Falling" was released first.

RUKI: Yes, that's why "Falling" was released first.

■ Interviewer: Ah, that makes perfect sense.

RUKI: Oh, really? I'm glad (laughs). "Falling" is often thought of as a love song. I've also been told it sounds like it's about the fans. But I've already unraveled that before, so the way it sounds is different now.

■ Interviewer: Did you have any anxiety about exposing the emotions inside you without restrictions?

RUKI: Not anymore. Once I decided to reveal myself, my emotions swayed a lot, but I decided to express those swaying emotions as well. So, it was tough (laughs). I expressed what I felt was good, without worrying too much about "DOGMA" or previous works. I just wanted to release everything I had.

■ Interviewer: Did you share those core feelings with the members while making this album?

RUKI: No, I didn't. We generally don't have those kinds of discussions.

■ Interviewer: I see. Regarding the musical aspects, songs like "Uragiru Bero" and "UNFINISHED" might feel fresh to those who have only known the recent the GazettE, while they might evoke nostalgia for those who have followed you from the beginning. Of course, all of them are updated to the current the GazettE's style.

RUKI: Yes. The songs came about naturally. By the way, with "UNFINISHED," I found myself becoming negative while writing it. My mood would drop, and I'd feel like I couldn't finish the lyrics, so I'd take a break and come back to it. I realized how deeply I could get lost in thought.

■ Interviewer: The future-oriented lyrics of "UNFINISHED" seem to have been drawn out by the song itself.

RUKI: That's why that song was created when my mood was more positive. It was one of the earlier songs we made.

■ Interviewer: I see. And the opening track "Falling" and the final track "UNFINISHED" seem to have a direct connection in terms of the lyrical flow.

RUKI: Yes. For me, it's the beginning and the end... or rather, what comes after the end.

■ Interviewer: You fall in "Falling," but it's not the end. In "UNFINISHED," you take someone's hand and walk toward the future.

RUKI: It wasn't made with that much thought. It's just the result of expressing everything I felt. That's why I still can't view it objectively, from a third-party perspective. The lyrics are part of me.

■ Interviewer: So the words here aren't emotions you can yet see from a distance.

RUKI: There are some songs I can see that way, but most of them, no.

■ Interviewer: How long did it take to write the lyrics after "Falling"?

RUKI: About a month, I think. It was faster than usual. During that time, I wrote about what I felt while reflecting on myself, including my emotional fluctuations.

■ Interviewer: As we discussed earlier, by shaping your fluctuating emotions into a piece of work, did you experience any changes within yourself?

RUKI: Hmm... changes... I'm not sure.

■ Interviewer: Did you feel a sense of completion?

RUKI: Yes, perhaps. I pushed myself to my limits, so it was tough, but I felt like I had given everything, almost like I had poured my life into it.

■ Interviewer: But as a vocalist, you'll continue singing these songs moving forward, right?

RUKI: Yes, that's right.

■ Interviewer: How does that feel? Is it like purifying your emotions through singing?

RUKI: Ideally, that's what I'd like it to be. Time plays a part in it too. During this production period, I realized that I can't write about things I don't genuinely feel. I can't lie in my lyrics; they can't be business-like (laughs).

■ Interviewer: (Laughs) You can't write fictional, imaginary stories.

RUKI: It's fine if fans interpret it that way. But when I'm writing, I can't write about things I don't feel. For example, if I'm not thinking about the fans at a particular time, I can't write lyrics that seem like I am, hypothetically speaking. If my feelings change halfway through writing, I scrap it and start over.

■ Interviewer: That's why lyrics that you wrote with the fans in mind probably come across as straightforward and real.

RUKI: I'd like to think so. That's why I avoid giving specific explanations about the lyrics to prevent giving preconceived notions. I didn't like it when artists I liked explained their lyrics in detail. But then, it wouldn't be an interview (laughs).

■ Interviewer: I hope to ask in a way that works well (laughs).

RUKI: I don't intend to write in a twisted way, but it's challenging. For example, even with anger, the intensity of the emotion might differ from just being "annoyed." Especially with "DOGMA," the emotions were intense. Even now, talking about lyrics tends to pull me back into those feelings.

■ Interviewer: I see... it was that deep.

RUKI: It's not a bad thing. During this interview period, I've been feeling that way constantly, but it's not like I'm unwell (laughs). It's probably good to have that side. But with older songs, I can't always recall my feelings from that time. There are songs where I wanted listeners to feel a certain way, such as wistful or sorrowful.

■ Interviewer: So there are lyrics that were written with a specific intention.

RUKI: Some older songs have that. But they are just songs. It's not that I deny them, but when I think about my feelings when I was younger, I feel that I need to acknowledge them, or it becomes painful. There might have been such emotions.

■ Interviewer: Because it's a piece of work.

RUKI: Yes. However, with recent works, listening to them brings back my real feelings from that time vividly. I think that's a good thing for me as a vocalist.

■ Interviewer: To put it simply, the emotions embedded naturally become stronger, making it an even more emotional song.

RUKI: Exactly. I think it's much better than becoming numb (laughs).

■ Interviewer: Rather than just tracing the lyrics.

RUKI: Yes. Although, this can make it a bit dark. Fans who read the interviews get worried. But from an outsider's perspective, band members might think, "Do you really feel that deeply?" I suppose we're more delicate than expected.

■ Interviewer: Also, the charm of print media is that it can convey those real backgrounds and feelings in detail, enhancing what you feel when listening to the work. In the band interviews, the word "natural" was mentioned, but for lyrics, it's not just about that...

RUKI: It's about human touch, I guess.

■ Interviewer: I think so too. The arrangement of the songs gives the impression that the live performance could be completed as it is.

RUKI: From the selection stage, we progressed by filling gaps. We considered what was missing or what we wanted, so it has been in this form from the beginning. So, I think that's why.

■ Interviewer: Did you foresee starting with "Falling" after the SE and ending with "UNFINISHED"?

RUKI: Yes, that's what we aimed for. Also, I think that just listening to "UNFINISHED," the cover art might not quite match (laughs). By the way, "UNFINISHED" was completed around dawn.

■ Interviewer: The environment might also influence the style of the song. Since this song ends with a fade-out, it should conclude in a new form during live performances. I hope it will grow like "TOMORROW NEVER DIES."

RUKI: We didn't intend for "TOMORROW NEVER DIES" to be like that at the time, but it was completed quickly. It might naturally evolve or eventually fade away and stop being performed. However, songs that are born so quickly often have long lifespans.

■ Interviewer: It's not about creating a song to be a touching piece for live performances.

RUKI: Also, I can't create songs with that intention. It would feel like a farce to me. The same goes for live performances. For example, we stopped playing "Miseinen" because it felt like I had to cry every time, even if that wasn't the case. Similarly, we don't play "Wakaremichi" even though we could. For instance, during our 10th-anniversary live, we didn't play it because we said we wouldn't until we disbanded. We're stubborn that way.

■ Interviewer: Is it largely because these are some of the band's earliest songs?

RUKI: No, I don't have any resistance to the songs themselves. I had no issue performing "Sentimental na onigokko." It's not that I dislike them. I just feel they’re a bit youthful. So, I didn't intend to release "Itan" as a standalone video work.

■ Interviewer: I see. Listening to what you've said, it feels meaningful that the live footage of "Boudouku Gudon no Sakura" is included in the "NINTH" LIMITED EDITION BOX.

RUKI: It connects in a way and can be seen in a different light. Including it shows a change in me. It doesn’t fit the world of "NINTH" at all, and I used to be adamant about not including unrelated content, no matter how well it might sell.

■ Interviewer: This is a big change.

RUKI: Yeah... it's not that serious of a topic, though.

■ Interviewer: No, it's natural to have non-negotiable aspects as an artist, especially in a band like the GazettE that has moved forward in its own way.

RUKI: For me, it's not about scolding myself but allowing myself to be seen that way. It's about accepting even the uncool parts of myself. That's why I haven't watched the "Itan" footage even once.

■ Interviewer: Really, you haven't?

RUKI: Usually, the MC parts are edited out, but this time they're included. I barely watched the opening part shown at the "BURST INTO A BLAZE 3" event. I left it untouched, letting it be.

■ Interviewer: It's surprising that you didn't watch the footage even once before it became a product.

RUKI: If I had watched it, I would have easily cut the MC parts (laughs). When we decided to include it in "NINTH," we were already planning to leave the MC uncut, so I thought it was better not to watch. It's not that I hate including the MC parts; I just dislike the act of watching myself in that footage. The visuals and singing are fine, so it's just a matter of mindset.

■ Interviewer: Thinking about it that way, it feels like it has become something even more special.

RUKI: Yes. Now, it has a lot of meaning.

■ Interviewer: The lyrics also reflect your genuine emotions without any disguise, and your time with "Dainippon Itan Geisha" played a part in that...

RUKI: That's also part of me. In the past, I didn't acknowledge that. I used to separate it, like, "That was then, and this is now." I didn't deny my past, but I considered it a separate entity. However, when I reflect on my feelings from when I was younger, I realize it would be painful not to acknowledge them. So, I may have had such emotions. But I hear that vocalists often have such feelings to some extent. Some people are even uncomfortable with their own lyrics. Believing that the present is the best and affirming myself, I've moved forward. While creating the ninth album as RUKI, I decided to expose all my ugly and weak parts. For this ninth work, I wanted to express whatever feelings I had, no matter what they were.

■ Interviewer: I see. There are many aspects that become clear only through such discussions.

RUKI: Yes, although there are parts that you probably don’t need to know.

■ Interviewer: However, knowing the author's thoughts can change the perceived intensity and the depicted scenery.

RUKI: Well, I’m usually in good spirits (laughs). When I talk about these things, the members often say, "What!?" But it's a personal thing.

■ Interviewer: I'm glad to know that this work carries such profound feelings.

RUKI: It’s heavy though (laughs).

■ Interviewer: But it's much better than someone who doesn’t think about anything at all.

RUKI: I used to think I was a person who didn’t think about anything. I was more of a positive thinker. So, it was shocking. I had never fallen this deep before.

■ Interviewer: If you hadn’t done a live under the name "Dainippon Itan Geisha," things might have turned out differently.

RUKI: Most likely, it would still be somewhat "DOGMA"-like. Not that I would have wanted to continue with the sound of "DOGMA" indefinitely. We did it so thoroughly that I was exhausted. If I wanted to make music like that, we already have the "DOGMA" songs. Of course, doing "Itan" didn’t directly lead to the melodies in "NINTH."

■ Interviewer: Right. The direction of your mindset would have been different.

RUKI: Exactly. So, it's somewhat mysterious that we ended up with this kind of album now.

■ Interviewer: Around the time of the release of your previous work "DOGMA," the GazettE had many opportunities to look back on the journey you've taken, such as the "Redefinition Tour," the 13th Anniversary live, and the 15th Anniversary live. What was your mindset before starting the album's production?

Uruha: Really, in these past few years, we've had many projects that involved looking back. Besides what you just mentioned, we also made a ballad best-of album ("TRACES VOL.2," released on March 8, 2017). Reflecting on so much made me realize that I've always been immature as a musician and that I'm still incomplete. Especially when I think about my mindset as a guitarist in the early days, it's at a level where I don't even want to remember it (laughs). The past few years of reflecting have been a period for me to realize that I need to improve more."

■ Interviewer: Your dedication remains unchanged. Amidst such thoughts, you began creating "NINTH," right?

Uruha: Yes. But at that time, we didn't have a clear theme or concept for the album. It was the same with "DOGMA" – RUKI just presented the visual image. This time, it was a picture of a soldier’s face melting, but I couldn't visualize how that would connect musically. In other words, there was no theme or direction when we started making the songs. Having just come out of a period of intense reflection on the past, I personally approached the songwriting process with the question, "Who am I?" in mind. When you keep pushing forward without looking back, sometimes you end up with something that doesn't feel like yourself. I thought that wasn’t good, and if I got too immersed in my current mode, I might overlook my own immaturity. So this time, I wanted to create songs that reflected my core. In that sense, the period of looking back was beneficial.

■ Interviewer: You took a good look at yourself. Listening to the songs you wrote this time, "THE MORTAL" and "BABYLON'S TABOO," it's clear that you like powerful and emotional music.

Uruha: That's definitely true. However, I brought those two songs in fairly late in the production process. So, they weren't born out of the initial inspiration but were created while looking at the trends of the other songs that were already finished. Especially "BABYLON'S TABOO," which was made towards the very end."

■ Interviewer: I see. Let’s start with talking about "THE MORTAL." This song is impressive for its method of utilizing the contrast between heaviness and a sense of floating, as well as its chorus that combines strength and sadness.

Uruha: "While we didn’t have a clear vision of what we wanted the album "NINTH" to be, we all agreed through the production process that an emotional sound is cool. This is important not only in live performances but also in our overall expression. Having that kind of emotional intensity can be a weapon when performing at festivals and such. Bands that lack this intensity don't seem cool to me. It's quite challenging to bring out this intensity, but we wanted to cherish that aspect. We didn’t explicitly decide to go in that direction during meetings, but when we watched live footage together, comments like 'This staging is intense and great' or 'It's emotional' came up often, and that became a sort of positive feedback loop. With that in mind, I created "THE MORTAL" very consciously following that trend."

■ Interviewer: I think many listeners perceive the GazettE as an emotional band. This time, you were especially conscious of that, right?

Uruha: "Yes. There are many bands outside of the visual kei field that have this emotional aspect. Since there are so many, it means there are many listeners who appreciate that style. Also, the emotional quality of visual kei has its own unique appeal, and I feel it's necessary for the GazettE to aim for that. After "DOGMA," I thought that the next thing we should seek is that kind of emotional quality."

■ Interviewer: Indeed, as you gain more experience, your ability to express "wabi-sabi" (aesthetic of beauty in imperfection) increases. When you are young, even if you want to be emotional, it's hard to express it well.

Uruha: "It’s hard to express. For example, there's a certain coolness in being subtle rather than expressing something strongly. If that's not cool, even emphasized expressions become superficial. Although I understood this, I couldn't achieve it well in the past. Either I couldn't be subtle enough, or I became too subdued and boring (laughs). Recently, I feel the urge to refine that contrast even more."

■ Interviewer: It's inspiring to see that with ambition, one can continue to evolve even after 10 or 15 years.

Uruha: "Yes. Now, more than ever, I feel like I've truly found joy. In the early days of the GazettE, it wasn’t as fun as it is now. Back then, I was just playing guitar with all my might, and the only fun part was being in a band. Now, expressing myself through the guitar is enjoyable, and when I can enjoy that, I can enjoy anything."

■ Interviewer: Over a long period, you understand many things. Additionally, the GazettE itself continues to evolve and change, leading to many discoveries.

Uruha: "Through the activities of the GazettE, many doors within myself have opened. The GazettE never stays in one place. The members enjoy discovering new things by challenging themselves, which is why not being satisfied is important. Also, looking back at the GazettE’s history helped me identify my flaws. My uncool aspects (laughs). By examining my roots, I see where I’ve carried that tackiness to my current self (laughs). If I don’t understand that, I can’t get rid of it."

■ Interviewer: But, the parts you feel are negative might be attractive to others.

Uruha: "That could be true. However, I think I should meet my own standards. Instead of using the word 'personality' as an excuse, I want to confront it properly."

■ Interviewer: That sounds like you. We got a bit sidetracked, but could you talk about the other song, "BABYLON'S TABOO"?

Uruha: "In GazettE's live shows, there's always a ballad block. This song was made as a transition piece to return to the intense zone from that ballad block. So, I thought it would be good to have a song that is continuous and elusive, like a one-chord song. "BABYLON'S TABOO" was created because I wanted a complex song that requires various skills to express."

■ Interviewer: Indeed, it turned out to be just that. It also has a subtle ethnic flavor, and it's nice that it's not too obvious.

Uruha: "That’s because the underlying concept wasn’t to bring out that world view. With this kind of musical style, it’s common to use Middle Eastern scales or incorporate sitars, but that’s not where I wanted to go. When I shaped what was inside me, it turned into this kind of song."

■ Interviewer: The continuous guitar riff and congas create a subtle native music feel. The fact that the congas aren’t overly emphasized is also great.

Uruha: "That's hindsight though. Initially, the conga was produced at the same level as the drums, but during the mixing stage, I thought it would be cooler to emphasize the sound of the drum toms. I decided to prioritize downgrading the sequences, thinking they were secondary. This time, I wanted to focus more on the band. Instead of emphasizing the sequence's impression in terms of development, I wanted to showcase the band's pulling power and didn't aim to strengthen the sequence's impact."

■ Interviewer: This work has a stronger band feel, but it’s characterized by songs with a solid worldview, not just driven by momentum or groove.

Uruha: "This time, we were extremely strict in our song selection. It took a while to finalize the selection. We kept creating songs, thinking there must be more, and we meticulously selected the ones we truly believed were the best."

■ Interviewer: The songs are compact and dense, matching the recent trends in the music scene.

Uruha: "It wasn’t intentional; it just happened naturally. Even if the structure is elaborate, we didn’t want long songs. Also, the overall BPM (tempo) feels fast, resulting in many songs around three and a half minutes long."

■ Interviewer: The fact that it happened naturally indicates a sensitivity to the times. Let's talk about the guitar next. What was important for you in terms of the guitar in this production?

Uruha: "We started the production with "Falling." First, we recorded "Falling" and decided to release it digitally. We spent a long time on the pre-production for "Falling," knowing it would set the tone for the album. There was significant debate about the direction we should take. Each member had their own ideas and desires, and when we combined them, it turned out to be too distorted. It was quite challenging to figure out the band’s sound. We used various references to guide us."

■ Interviewer: What direction did you initially want to take?

Uruha: "I originally preferred analog and had always used amps. However, while making "DIVISION" and "DOGMA," I realized that my personal aesthetics and desires as a guitarist didn’t always align with the band's sound. If it didn’t fit the band, it was meaningless. So, I considered what would suit the band and found that the things I had dismissed were actually the right answer. Basically, instead of using amps, I started using simulators to create the sound. Although I had resisted this method, when I tried it with an open mind, it fit well. Initially, I couldn't accept it, so I gradually adopted it. I started with cabinet (amp speaker box) simulators, then tried other things, and my world changed significantly. Things that were difficult before became easier. During live shows, I used to bring my own mics, set up two mics on the cabinet to capture the guitar sound. Despite my efforts, the guitar sound wasn’t heard well from the audience, and it didn’t blend well with the band. I realized I was only thinking I was doing something great without achieving the desired result. The more complex the setup, the less the guitar sound stood out. That led me to go digital."

■ Interviewer: Really? Does that mean the guitar on "NINTH" is mostly line recording?

Uruha: "Yes, not 'mostly,' but entirely line recording."

■ Interviewer: That's... surprising! The guitar on this work has a perfect distance from the ear, not too close nor too far. I thought you had found the ideal microphone arrangement for the cabinet.

Uruha: "That’s not the case. I experimented a lot to get here. Simply switching to digital line recording was really lackluster at first. It was lackluster for a long time. During "DOGMA," I couldn’t decide whether to bring out the amp's qualities or the cabinet simulator feel. But through research, I learned how to overcome the weaknesses of simulation. Now there are various simulators, but you can’t just use them as they are. For instance, I use only the Tube Screamer effect from Line6’s POD, and pair it with a different amp simulator."

■ Interviewer: That’s quite technical (laughs).

Uruha: "Hahaha (laughs). Using multiple simulators required a flexible mindset. For example, the POD has a unique sound; the Tube Screamer effect from POD is different from the real thing. However, that distinctive clinginess is only possible with POD. So, instead of seeing it as a Tube Screamer simulation, I started using it as a drive effect. I believe that if the sound matches my vision, the process doesn’t matter much. During this work, I realized that it's essential to cherish the initial vision for a song. It’s not about what equipment you use but the sound you create."

■ Interviewer: I agree. I think being able to use digital equipment so proficiently comes from all the analog trial and error you went through to get here.

Uruha: "I feel that too. You can’t understand the sound of a real amp unless you’ve actually used one. Even when using digital equipment, in the end, we still seek a sense of authenticity. My current goal is to reach a point where you can’t tell if it’s a simulator or a real amp."

■ Interviewer: The guitar sound on "NINTH" gets very close to that.

Uruha: "I think we got pretty close, but I still feel there's a long way to go. If you don’t feel the paper cone of the speaker vibrating, then it’s not the goal. Mixing and mastering diluted that raw feeling, but the recorded sound was more vivid. So, through this recording process, I learned that it’s necessary to exaggerate certain aspects more."

■ Interviewer: Your dedication to research hasn't changed at all. How about your guitar playing?

Uruha: "The song that was really fun to play was 'BABYLON'S TABOO.' It was full of emotion, and there were times when I played without thinking about anything other than emotion, and I think we recorded a good take. The difficult ones were RUKI’s songs. His riffs are designed by someone who doesn’t play guitar, making them very challenging. They don’t hit the sweet spots that guitarists usually enjoy; they’re quite demanding (laughs). Also, it’s not like he says, ‘I did this casually, make it sound good based on that.’ He wants it just as it is (laughs). So I’d be like, ‘Wait, this part is single notes? I’d use power chords for all of it.’ There’d be weird bends or sudden picking harmonics (laughs). And I’d think, ‘Do I have to do this every time?’ (laughs). RUKI’s songs have a lot of riffs like that, so it took quite a bit of effort to internalize them."

■ Interviewer: So, it's impressive that you don’t say "impossible" to that. In the song written by RUKI, the rough guitar intro of "GUSH" is really cool, isn’t it?

Uruha: "Yeah, that coolness comes from RUKI's strong commitment. I did it quickly on my own and handed it over, but he said the sound quality was different. He wanted it to be more noisy. So I was like, 'Huh, even more?' (laughs). That meant it wasn't just a matter of guitar gain levels anymore; it ended up being crushed with a crusher (an effect that gives strong distortion), like 'There's no choice but to destroy it completely' (laughs). That's how we shaped it."

■ Interviewer: Quite extreme (laughs). The beginning goes punkish, but you're playing mechanical riffs in the interlude, right?

Uruha: "I actually put a lot of effort into those riffs. It had an industrial feel, conveyed only with the image of a whammy (an effect that smoothly changes the pitch of the guitar). RUKI's demo had the guitar going 'wooooon wooooon' only, and he wanted it to sound really good. So I was like, 'Huh?' (laughs). Even with the whammy, the sound just gets lame (laughs). So, after a lot of trial and error, we finally used a ring modulator that produces whammy and octave effects. It's quite simple in terms of what we did, but I think it turned into a riff with a strong impact."

■ Interviewer: That riff has a nuance like a synthesizer, which seems to leverage your use of synths in albums like "DIVISION."

Uruha: "That could be true. Also, when creating sounds for the GazettE's SE, there were many scenes where I destructively broke the sound or made explosive noises. I learned a lot from that, it has expanded my repertoire. Another thing is that stopping recording live amps and doing it through a line allows you to revert when you go too far. That sense of security enables us to boldly try things."

■ Interviewer: From those aspects, one can feel that you've really mastered digital equipment. Another thing, on this album, you handled the mixing for "THE MORTAL," "BABYLON'S TABOO," and also "99.999," right?

Uruha: "Yeah, I started mixing myself because I wanted to figure out how to properly showcase the guitar. If I didn't put myself in the position of an engineer, I couldn't argue or suggest anything to them. There were a lot of things about the mix that I wasn't satisfied with before. Like, I'd think the guitar sound was thin and wanted it thicker, but then they'd say, 'The original recording height...' It was frustrating, you know? I thought, 'I've put in a reasonable amount of effort and used good equipment, so it shouldn't sound thin.' But I lacked knowledge, and it wasn't just about using good equipment. I wanted that assurance, so I decided to mix it myself. However, I've been doing this for quite some time, so it wasn't like I started anew for this album."

■ Interviewer: I see. However, you need knowledge to do mixing work. How did you go about acquiring that?

Uruha: "I'm self-taught. I didn't learn from anyone; I researched and learned on my own. Also, mixing work is somewhat related to creating guitar sounds, so it's similar in feeling. There's a desire to improve the band's sound. So, rather than a major decision, it feels like an extension of creating guitar sounds."

■ Interviewer: You can tell you're a genuine music lover. So, what do you focus on and value when mixing your own tracks?

Uruha: "During this work, I realized that when I mix my own songs, I need to cherish the initial feeling of 'I want this song to be like this' that I had when I first created it. I absolutely hate it when it changes midway and I end up thinking, 'Wait, what kind of song did I want to make again?' I wanted to protect that initial impulse, at least for my own songs. Ultimately, when making a piece of work, the skill of an engineer can greatly influence and change it, sometimes against my wishes. So, I focused on preserving the original feeling when I made the song."

■ Interviewer: I think that's something listeners will really appreciate.

Uruha: "It's the same with live performances—when the PA gets involved, the members' intentions don't always get conveyed accurately. Even if we want to balance things well, sometimes the audience hears it in a skewed way because the PA is working to make their job easier. It’s better if the band can shape the sound themselves. If we understand the difficulty of achieving a good balance live, that's just part of the process. I wanted to know more about these aspects."

■ Interviewer: It seems like your mixes will keep improving. Now, "NINTH" has become an album showcasing new charms of the GazettE. Along with the album release, we’re also looking forward to the tour starting in July.

Uruha: "The album 'NINTH' is a work designed for the tour, packed with things we want to do live. As I mentioned before, it's about bringing out that emotional aspect. I have a clear vision for this kind of live performance, so I think we can start the tour on a strong note. With 'DOGMA,' the goal was to present the image of 'DOGMA' on tour, focusing on what the GazettE would do rather than on myself. This time, I can concentrate on what I want to do individually and what I want to show as a guitarist. I'm really looking forward to delivering that kind of live performance."

■ Interviewer: Around the release of your previous album "DOGMA," the GazettE had many opportunities to reflect on its journey with the "Redefinition tour," the 13th-anniversary live, and the 15th-anniversary live. Did this influence how you felt before starting the new album?

Aoi: "It was quite natural. Looking back at the past, I didn't have a moment where I thought, 'Yes, I'm definitely this kind of guitarist.' Even during the 'redefinition' phase, it wasn't so much about how I was back then but more about the songs and the youthfulness of the band. In that context, I was always working as my current self at the time, so there's no consistent style."

■ Interviewer: So, it's more about providing what the songs and the band need rather than asserting your own style?

Aoi: "Especially recently, yes. Although the other members are like that too, in the past, I was more intense (laughs). I had a strong attachment to staging, certain things were absolutely non-negotiable. Nowadays, we focus more on how to present ourselves as a band rather than as individuals. So, both in staging and playing, I've become more flexible. However, this doesn't mean I can't do what I want. I enjoy various approaches and playing styles. Playing heavy riffs is fun, and so is using crunch tones to bring out the chords. There’s nothing I don’t want to do style-wise. So, I really enjoy playing guitar in the GazettE. Long-time fans might think Aoi has become more subdued lately, but I feel more naturally part of the band now."

■ Interviewer: In long-lasting bands, members often find the right position for themselves. With this mindset, what were your thoughts going into the creation of "NINTH"?

Aoi: "When I listened to the submitted songs, I thought there was a lot of variety again. There were heavy songs, and delicate ones like the seventh track, 'その声は脆く' (Sonokoe wa Moroku). I wasn't confused by the variety; I felt ready to handle any song. I’ve always been something of a jack-of-all-trades, even outside of music (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Really? I don't see it that way.

Aoi: "Is that so? I feel I can't dive deep into things. Uruha, for example, dives headfirst into things and steadily improves, but I'm not like that."

■ Interviewer: I don't think being versatile is the same as being a jack of all trades. You have your own style, and you're the type who can apply it in various situations, right?

Aoi: "True, I have a core, but everything else is quite broad and shallow (laughs). As a trade-off, though, I can adapt to almost anything. Lately, all the members have become capable of playing guitar, so during the demo stage, the phrases are often already solidified. Still, I make sure to assert myself with the guitar phrases. If I think the demo's guitar phrase is good, I'll reproduce it, but when I change it, I change it completely. Band cohesion is my top priority, but if I feel it's better to expand the demo phrase or the scene, I'll suggest a broader approach. That’s been my stance recently, and it hasn’t changed this time either."

■ Interviewer: That seems like a good approach. When creating songs for the album, what did you focus on?

Aoi: "This time, we didn’t have a specific concept for the album when we started. With "DOGMA," we had a strong concept from the beginning, aiming to create a work that would become like a scripture. But this time, we didn’t have that. RUKI probably had a vague idea of the album, but it wasn’t solidified enough to put into words. So, at first, we just started making songs individually, and various worldviews emerged. When RUKI mentioned a direction for the songs, it wasn’t a motif like in "DOGMA." It was more like, ‘Let’s proceed with this musical style.’ So, we started creating with just that direction in mind (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Perhaps RUKI wanted to clarify the overall vision of the album by listening to the submitted songs.

Aoi: "Maybe so. That's why this time it didn't feel like a selection meeting in the traditional sense. It was more about building upon the musical direction Ruki had mentioned and choosing the best among what each of us had written. So, it felt like an audition in a way."

■ Interviewer: So, regarding the song Utsusemi, was it chosen from various songs you made, not something you created with a fixed decision?

Aoi: "Yes. I made many songs and proposed them at each selection meeting, but there wasn’t a direct response like, ‘This song is good.’ RUKI created songs with a vision of wanting this one at the end of the album or this one in the middle. He couldn’t see which songs would connect well. As a result, the songs kept piling up without deciding whether to adopt them or not (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: But in the end, you could choose the best from a rich pool of candidate songs. What was your thought process in writing Utsusemi?

Aoi: "This song was one of those created without a clear answer to the need for a mid-album track. I wrote Utsusemi long before I had a clear vision of "NINTH." I was still exploring how to approach it, so personally, I think the songs I made after Utsusemi are more complete, reflecting the atmosphere of "NINTH." But suddenly, RUKI started saying he thought that song I had brought in at the beginning would fit well, and that's how this song got included. That's all good, but when it came to making 'NINTH,' I had thought to avoid making songs of this type. There’s this perception of ‘this is Aoi's position’ (laughs). Even in interviews, it becomes a topic, and I wanted to avoid that. I always create various types of songs, but they often don’t fit and aren’t adopted. In the end, it turned out to be a song like this again this time (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: That’s because your emotional sense is a significant element of the GazettE. Whether Utsusemi is included or not greatly affects the impression of "NINTH."

Aoi: "I hope so. But honestly, I want people to understand that I don't intend to create songs of this position. This time, I came up with the melody myself, but until now, it was Ruki's melodies, so it was like a collaboration with Ruki. It always ends up in that position, like, 'Huh? Again?' (laughs). I want people to know that I also create intense songs, not just songs like Utsusemi. Please make this sentence bold (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: (laughs). Even if it wasn’t your initial intention, “Utsusemi” is an emotional and melodious mid-tempo tune, a truly great song. It also introduces new elements, such as the use of synth riffs.

Aoi: "For this song, RUKI wanted the chorus to feel soft, so I completely reworked the chorus to match the melody. But apart from that, the demo was almost in its final form. The synth riff was in my head from the moment I created the song. The intro and first verse have the synth and guitar in unison. That’s about which phrases to emphasize. I felt that nothing extra was needed and thought there weren't many examples of synth and guitar unison. So, I made them unison, and for the second verse, I harmonized the guitar and synth."

■ Interviewer: The expansive feel in the second verse is exquisite. The guitar solo flows beautifully and is a highlight.

Aoi: "Really? I feel like I could have done more with the solo if I had more time. I was satisfied when I recorded it, but listening to it now, I think it’s a bit rough."

■ Interviewer: I don’t think it’s rough at all.

Aoi: "No, it’s rough. Maybe I feel that way because it’s my own work. It’s not that it’s bad, but I think I could have polished it a bit more."

■ Interviewer: Including the sexy sound with the octaver, it’s a great solo. Speaking of guitars, let’s talk about the guitars on “NINTH.” Did you have any themes for the guitars this time?

Aoi: "We recorded 'Falling' at the end of last year, ahead of the other songs, which served as a pre-production recording for the album. Initially, I played with a sound in mind for the next step, but that expectation was shattered. In a good way… We understood what the band desired in terms of sound."

■ Interviewer: What kind of sound were you aiming for?

Aoi: "DOGMA had a very modern finish. Personally, I’m not very good with modern guitar sounds, so I wanted to bring it back to my own style. But the band was in a modern sound mode. Making a modern sound is easy, but I didn’t want to do the same thing again. So, I thought I’d propose a sound I had in mind. Although it didn’t make it in time for 'Falling,' I started crafting the sound I envisioned using my equipment. It took shape, but I felt it was a bit forced. Not that I disliked the sound, but in the process of adjusting it with various methods and EQ, I realized it would be better to use equipment that naturally produced that sound."

■ Interviewer: Does that mean you used simulators for direct recording?

Aoi: "No, I used a pretty standard setup in an analog way, playing through a cab (speaker box) and miking it. Uruha, on the other hand, created his sound entirely digitally using simulations. I was concerned about the atmosphere and asked him not to stray too far from it. When one person uses digital and the other uses analog, if we don’t consider each other’s sounds, the balance of the two guitars’ atmospheres can become odd."

■ Interviewer: That’s true. So, did you two align your approaches? The result sounds very natural, as if both guitars were recorded in the same manner.

Aoi: "Maybe, but when we made the ballad best (TRACES VOL.2), Uruha packaged the sound he wanted to create entirely through simulation. The difference in atmosphere was very noticeable. So, I wanted to consolidate the band’s overall atmosphere a bit more if he continued using simulators. Even though we used different methods, we discussed wanting to consolidate the band's ambiance a bit more… That's what I talked about. I think Uruha put a lot of effort into his sound creation this time as well."

■ Interviewer: He mentioned that. Still, I’m a bit surprised. The balance seems well-achieved.

Aoi: "When the digital player moves towards analog and the analog player towards digital, it comes together well (laughs). Neither the two guitarists nor the band consciously tried to match the sounds this time. Each of us thought about our own sound, considering how the band would ultimately be heard. Being analog, I lacked the closeness in sound that digital provides. Analog has a sense of space, while digital’s closeness is hard to replicate. Knowing Uruha’s sound would stick to the ears, I aimed for a sound as close to the ear as possible. I insisted on analog because I believe it offers a different power compared to purely digital processing. I wanted to package the feel of air vibrating from the cab. But I didn’t want the digital closeness to overpower the phrases either. That was a conflict, but Uruha left space for both guitars to be heard, which allowed us to blend them well."

■ Interviewer: The proximity of the guitars is perfect. You can clearly hear the nuances of the guitar.

Aoi: "This album feels very raw. 'DOGMA' made the sounds of both of us quite similar, and the album had a lot of mechanical processing to synchronize unison riffs. That was suitable for the world view of 'DOGMA,' but when it came time to create something true to ourselves this time, I thought this kind of roughness was good. After all, it's something humans do, and each person values different aspects of the sound. Packaging that again at this timing is significant for the band. If we erased our individualities, the work would become boring. I believe a band creates something unexpectedly great by clashing individualities."

■ Interviewer: I agree. The advancement of equipment has created an environment where different approaches can be utilized effectively. In the past, you would have been forced to align our methods.

Aoi: "That's right. If one of us had said they wanted to go digital, we would have ended up both going digital for the sake of research. But this time, we didn't do that at all, and I was able to work on my sound independently for the first time in a while. Previously, there was always someone in the studio because we were bringing the two guitars together. But this time, everyone was gone (laughs). REITA, for instance, would say, 'I'm done recording my bass, so I'll take off,' and he’d leave (laughs). He would record his bass from the morning and leave around the best time in the afternoon. I would start when it got dark, just when I wanted to go home (laughs). And I’d be alone (laughs). Recording guitars that way and still managing to bring them together nicely in the end is only possible in this day and age. It would have been impossible in the past, I think."

■ Interviewer: I agree. So, what equipment did you use for the recording of "NINTH"?

Aoi: "I used my signature model from ESP for the guitar. That guitar has a bit of a sharp sound, or you could say it has an edgy tone. It's not typically the sound the members of the GazettE prefer, but it fit well this time. 'NINTH' really captures the current sound of the five of us, which I think is great. By the way, for the 11th track 'ABHOR GOD,' I used the same Dragonfly guitar as Uruha. Although the amps were different, the tonal range of the two guitars matched. If you listen to 'ABHOR GOD' compared to the other tracks knowing that, you'll notice how unified the guitar tones are."

■Interviewer: That’s definitely something to check out. What kind of amps did you use?

Aoi: "When we were recording 'Falling', I talked with the engineer about wanting that kind of sound, so we decided to use the 5150. Marshall amps have a strong high end, so we thought the 5150, with its rich mids, would be better. We rented one to try it out and it sounded great, so we decided to use it. Then, the engineer ended up buying a 5150 (laughs). He said, 'There was a cheap used one available, so I bought it.' We ended up with about three 5150s: an older model, a current one, and a slightly modified one. I liked the early model 5150 the best for its rawness. I don't dislike the modern sound of the current model; it fits better for ballads and vocal songs. But for aggressive tracks, I used the old 5150. So, I mainly used my guitar, and just a few compact effects."

■ Interviewer: You managed to cover a wide range of styles and approaches with simple equipment. How was the guitar playing aspect?

Aoi: "Since many of the songs were written by others, it was overall quite challenging (laughs). Especially the riff work. It's difficult when non-guitarists create riffs. Also, when recording the riffs, I did a lot of punching in (recording in sections), which made playing them through difficult (laughs). The sound would cut off at the punching points, and I’d have to figure out whether the resonance from the previous sound was needed or not. Those things made the riffs challenging."

■ Interviewer: You reproduced the demo riffs faithfully without changing them to suit your style?

Aoi: "I recreated the main riffs. But as I mentioned earlier, it's important to incorporate my own color into the music. So, I first consider what the composer intended with the riff. Does this phrase need to be there or not? I didn't want to remove something they were particular about, which would go against their intent. I carefully thought about these aspects while shaping the phrases. Some parts stayed as in the demo, while others changed. For delicate songs like 'Sonokoe wa Moroku', I wanted to showcase my style. I was particular about those songs, as well as 'Utsusemi. I remember paying close attention to the details."

■ Interviewer: Songs like 'Sonokoe wa Moroku, 'Utsusemi', and 'UNFINISHED' have a precise approach and the guitar's gain (distortion) is just right.

Aoi: "I was very particular about that. Heavy songs are simpler (laughs). It's like, if that song is like this, then this song should be like this too (laughs). But those three songs were seriously meticulous. I hope readers of this interview keep that in mind while listening."

■ Interviewer: You can enjoy not only the solid and heavy guitar sound but also the light guitar charm and the pleasant resonance of the chords. How do you feel now that 'NINTH' is complete?

Aoi: "I really feel relieved that we finished it (laughs). The schedule was cutting it really close, especially in the latter half of the production."

■ Interviewer: Really? But I thought you reduced the number of live performances last year to focus on making the album...

Aoi: "Well, we did start early and made proper progress, but our dear RUKI is the type who, if he has time, wants to obsess over every detail (laughs). So no matter how much time we have, it always ends up being right up to the deadline. But that’s because of his strong sense of responsibility towards the band, so I can’t really tell him to hurry up. It’s like, ‘I’ll wait for you, really’ (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: I see (laughs). What was your impression when you listened to the finished album, considering all that thrill?

Aoi: "I listened to the album in full for the first time during mastering, and as expected, I passed out (laughs). We worked from the day before until midday the next day, and went straight into mastering, so I blacked out (laughs). The next day, I listened to it carefully and, compared to 'DOGMA,' there are some rough parts, but I felt that added to its humanity. It really captured our current, real selves, and I enjoyed listening to it a lot. The excitement I felt was greater than with our last few works. And you know, 'NINTH' is like, 'We're satisfied with it, now what do you all think?' kind of album. It's not like 'Listen to this great album!' It's more like 'This is us, what do you think?' kind of vibe. We've been doing the GazettE for 16 years now, and I think that's just fine."

■ Interviewer: I'm sure the listeners will feel that excitement too. I'm also looking forward to the tour with 'NINTH'.

Aoi: "'DOGMA' was artistic, with a vibe of 'This is our worldview, please listen!' But 'NINTH' shows our real, down-to-earth selves, so I think the live atmosphere will be quite different. The last tour had a strong theatrical element, but I think this tour will be full of live energy. That's the feeling I get, but because we're the GazettE (laughs), you never know until you open the lid. Maybe we won't know until the second day after the first day of the tour (laughs). It was exactly like that with 'DOGMA' (laughs). So, I don’t know what the tour will be like, but I have a good feeling we’ll put on great shows, so I hope everyone looks forward to it."

■ Interviewer: First, I’d like to ask about your approach to the songs on "NINTH." You add accents depending on the style of the song, but do you generally take a position that supports the bottom without standing out too much?

Reita: "Yes, that’s right. I’ve been that kind of bassist for about ten years now. I do move around at key points, but I think that’s what the bass should do. If it were a one-guitar setup, it might have been different. Plus, our vocalist uses a lot of words, and often includes choruses during interludes, I generally play to let other parts shine more. I want to be in the best shape for the song, and if I play with the feeling of wanting to hear my own phrases, I feel like the band wouldn't last long (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: I see (laughs). From the demo stage, do the other members incorporate the bass line with your style in mind?

Reita: "Sometimes it works out that way, and sometimes they tell me that they want me to move more in certain parts that were initially placeholders. I interpret it in my own way, thinking maybe I should support the bottom here or move around a bit there if there’s space. 'Falling' wasn’t moving in the original song either. It’s not that I particularly want to move the bass line, but I don’t mind moving either (laughs). It’s just about finding a balance where the bass stands out in a good way. Of course, I support the parts where the guitar comes in intricately, and I think I’m doing a good job of finding that balance on my own."

■ Interviewer: In songs like 'Uragiru Bero,' we can hear your driving, standout phrasing.

Reita: "Recently, we’ve been doing a lot of unison playing, but 'Uragiru Bero' incorporates the visual kei sensibility that we’re familiar with. The melody line has a bit of an old-fashioned feel, and RUKI wanted that kind of bass vibe too, so I understood what he meant."

■ Interviewer: It's like blending the nostalgic visual kei elements of yesteryears with the current sense of the GazettE.

Reita: "Yeah. I think those who feel this as nostalgic are probably our generation. Teenagers today probably wouldn't find it nostalgic; they might even feel it's an atmosphere they've never experienced."

■ Interviewer: Are there other songs where you've changed your approach?

Reita: "For example, 'THE MORTAL' and 'BABYLON'S TABOO' had different playing styles, using only the thumb to strike. I'm quietly doing various things, but stealing the listener's ears with the bass isn't my thing."

■ Interviewer: Oh really?

Reita: "Yeah. After all, it's all about the song itself... I'm not looking to have a bass battle (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: However, when REITA was a kid, he was excited by bassists who dazzled with flashy phrasing, right?

Reita: "Yeah, that's right. I wanted to copy them... So I think maybe I'm not the type who kids would idolize now (laughs). But, for example, the cool bands abroad that I like these days, their bass lines hardly move. They often create a mass of unison with guitars, and that's what I feel is 'good sound.' If I were playing something completely different from the guitar in an independent manner, it wouldn't resonate as a cohesive sound, and to me, that wouldn't feel like 'good sound.' So, I try to focus on phrases that contribute to what I perceive as 'good sound.' But the challenging part with the GazettE is that even in unison songs, everyone starts arranging things in the chorus, so creating sound becomes difficult. If it were just unison, feeling the bass would be enough, but when you want to hear the phrases, you start to feel the need for a bit more midrange, and that's the difficulty."

■ Interviewer: Tuning has also become lower.

Reita: "Yeah, that's right. So, sometimes I feel there's a contradiction between the sound I want to produce and the phrases I'm playing."

■ Interviewer: Also, the straightforward 8-beat rush in "UNFINISHED" must resonate with your roots.

Reita: "Yes. But I'm sure 'UNFINISHED,' for example, might feel surprisingly placed here now. I've become part of such a band without even realizing it, but in my mind, it's neither surprising nor anything else—it's right at the heart of our roots."

■ Interviewer: I can picture you vividly playing it live.

Reita: "Yes, so the bass phrase moves only in the last chorus, but originally it moved in the first and second choruses as well. But I imagined how it would look on DVD. It might become a song we play as an encore in five years. Like when we used to play 'Shunsetsu no koro.' In such moments, I want to play while looking around rather than being engrossed in playing during the chorus, so I kept the movement only in the last part."

■ Interviewer: Wow, I didn't expect you to think that far ahead!

Reita: "It was more of a feeling that I wanted to strum a bit more. I hope it becomes a song that holds that kind of position."

■ Interviewer: I wanted to ask if 'UNFINISHED' could become a second 'TOMORROW NEVER DIES' for you.

Reita: "Ah, yes, well (laughs). Who knows."

■ Interviewer: It seems quite challenging to surpass a song that has embedded itself so deeply in your heart and undergone rapid growth.

Reita: "Yes, but we have to surpass them, right? There's a song that made me think, 'I can't win with just what I've built up, I have to compete with what I've stacked up. So, we might have to overwrite the old songs for that. But that depends on the tour. It’s about how much we can nurture it during the tour."

■ Interviewer: Also, 'UNFINISHED' feels like it goes by quickly. It leaves you wanting to hear more.

Reita: "Really? Well, the same goes for live performances; it’s better to end just when people want to see a bit more. You don’t want them looking at the clock. Like with movies, if you start checking how much time is left, that movie becomes a failure for me (laughs). 'UNFINISHED' wasn’t intended to stand out or be in a special position; it’s just one of the 12 tracks we naturally created. It was surprising that people focused on this song so much. It made me realize how dark our band had become (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Hahaha. Fans who've known the GazettE for a long time would understand that you excel in such songs. You carry the pride of visual kei, but there’s no pressure, right?

Reita: "There wasn’t any. But I do feel relieved that I finally got to do this kind of song, though. Well, in the past, there might have been times when we could have done it but deliberately chose not to. If this kind of song is in every album, the impression might get diluted, you know?"

■ Interviewer: So, when you finally draw your sword, does it feel satisfying?

Reita: "Is it satisfying? Well, I won't know until we do it live… (laughs). If it becomes a song that makes everyone emotional when played at the end of an encore in a few years, that would be great. It's not easy to surpass old songs like 'Shunsetsu no koro' or 'Miseinen.' There's a part of me that wants to perform classic songs like my favorite artists do."

■ Interviewer: But, there is also the example of "TOMORROW NEVER DIES" rising up that high.

Reita: "Yes, that's right. So, in the long run, as I mentioned earlier, if it becomes a song positioned for the last encore someday, by then, I think I can relax and perform it. So, for a while, I'll probably play it cool (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: By the way, there was talk about everyone being in their natural element, so did the songwriting process itself happen quickly?

Reita: "No, at the first song selection meeting, we played the songs and everyone listened and went 'Hmm…' and then fell silent… and then there was 'Should we go home today?' kind of feeling."

■ Interviewer: Scary! I wouldn't want to be there (laughs).

Reita: "We didn't even discuss things like 'Should we do it this way?' Maybe everyone was just troubled. So, it didn't come together clearly from the beginning."

■ Interviewer: So, none of the songs from the initial selection remain?

Reita: "No, there's not a single one. The second time, we brought out 'Falling,' and the other songs came even later. My memory is a bit vague, but 'Falling' is the standard that came out after much deliberation."

■ Interviewer: Considering the history of the GazettE, it was a luxury to let people listen to the opening track of the album for free.

Reita: "That's right. Speaking of luxury, we were able to record just this one song in advance, and we spent many days in the studio for pre-production, trying out different sounds and doing a preliminary recording before the actual recording. We experimented with various sounds by changing the pattern of the bass cabinet and line recording, and playing with different basses. So, making the sound for this album wasn't really that hard."

■ Interviewer: Ah, it was because of that timing.

Reita: "Yes. I think it was possible because we spent plenty of time on 'Falling'."

■ Interviewer: As a result, this method proved effective overall. So, recording the bass went smoothly?

Reita: "I can't say definitively… I was the judge myself, so I listened very carefully. I was looking at the waveforms on the screen, and if the volume dropped even slightly due to rough picking, I would redo it. So, it took more time than usual, but the convenience of re-amping outweighed it. If this were in the past, I would have played repeatedly to tweak the knobs for sound creation, and by the time we were ready to record, my fingers would have been a bit swollen. Eliminating these issues allows for a calm judgment of the sound. Also, recording in two different patterns allows flexibility during mixing if we want to make changes."

■ Interviewer: Isn't it difficult to judge by yourself?

Reita: "Well, basically, I've always been the one to judge. In the end, I would let everyone listen and there would be exchanges like 'Wouldn't it be better to do it this way?' But we didn't have a producer telling us what to do. Since I did it alone, I could listen to just the bass part or only the bass and drums as much as I wanted, so I could be thorough. However, compared to before, it feels less like making an album. For example, after playing in the studio and saying 'It's done!' and calling everyone to the lobby to listen together—that kind of thing isn't there anymore."

■ Interviewer: Certainly, those are the charms of being in a band.

Reita: "Also, from this time, we changed engineers, and it was different from the way we had done it for about seven years, which I think was a good change."

■ Interviewer: It was two external people and Uruha, right?

Reita: "Yes. We couldn't have finished in time otherwise (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: So, the work progressed simultaneously?

Reita: "Yes, really. For the mix, it used to be two songs a day. But on the first day, we had to do four songs a day… But somehow it went quite smoothly."

■Interviewer: You found out you can do it if you try.

Reita: "Yes. And if it goes well, we might have the current engineer handle the live sound as a PA. After all, it's better to have someone who understands the sound we want to produce."

■ Interviewer: Someone who stayed up with you all night and accompanied you extensively (laughs). Almost like being of one mind.

Reita: "Yes (laughs). It feels like we have a similar sense… For example, if I say 'this low part,' it's hard to convey in terms of frequency. But if I say 'the growling part'... When I say those things, our understanding aligns quite well. 'Ah, around here?' 'Yes, exactly,' that kind of quick communication.

■ Interviewer: It seems like you had good chemistry with this engineer.

Reita: "Yes. So with 'Uragiru Bero,' the initial mix didn’t quite capture the bass well, but when the engineer took it back and said, 'I'll tweak it a bit,' the next version he brought back didn’t need any further adjustments. It reaffirmed that our senses were indeed similar."

■ Interviewer: These nuances that can’t be conveyed through frequencies are important. How did you manage that in a process primarily involving data exchange?

Reita: "We used LINE to the fullest (laughs). Among the members, we would communicate in abstract terms like ‘a bit more spread out,’ and I would even send handwritten tab sheets via photo. We didn’t use technical jargon, but everyone could understand it, so I guess we’re in sync with each other."

■ Interviewer: Do you use your smartphone for LINE messages?

Reita: "I use both my smartphone and my computer, but mostly my smartphone."

■ Interviewer: On a side note, isn't it challenging to handle such exchanges on a smartphone?

Reita: "Honestly, I’d love to uninstall LINE (laughs). I actually resent the widespread use of smartphones. You can always be reached by anyone, which I really dislike. There are times when you don’t want to be disturbed and need your own time. On a fundamental level, when the phone rings, it makes me really anxious. But we couldn't avoid using it given the time constraints (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Right (laughs). But it's really painful to type out lengthy replies on a smartphone when bombarded with questions on LINE.

Reita: "I get that. And then, while typing, you get another message, so you have to start over. It’s annoying. I really wanted us to meet in person. We used to gather every week on a specific day, but this time, due to our tight schedules, we had to handle our tasks individually. However, it was worth it because we didn’t have to compromise, and we achieved a lot."

■ Interviewer: Did your previous experiences help in the video production this time as well?

Reita: "Yes. This time, RUKI and I primarily took the lead in making the 'Falling' MV and the promotional video. The promotional video involved a lot of text and effects, while the MV focused on cutting scenes, so it didn’t require as much skill. However, there were so many scenes that we couldn't fit everything in. It’s better to have too much material than too little, so it was a good problem to have."

■ Interviewer: There have been times when there wasn’t enough material, right?

Reita: "Yeah, it was tough when there wasn’t enough. But this time, we had so much material that we had to decide what to cut, and it was hard because we didn't want to cut anything. As a result, the scenes featuring the members might be a bit fewer, which could leave fans wanting more (laughs). However, I think the quality is the best in the history of the GazettE."

■ Interviewer: Yes. And I couldn’t believe you actually blew up a car.

Reita: "In this day and age, it’s great that we could do something like that."

■ Interviewer: When the staff first mentioned that you were going to destroy a car, I thought, "Are you really that kind of American band?" But after watching the video, I understood.

Reita: "Oh, yes, yes. It’s not like we’re making 'Fast and Furious' or anything (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: I’m glad the nuance came across (laughs).

Reita: "RUKI was also working on it simultaneously. He handled most of the editing, and I helped with the parts he couldn't finish, adjusting colors and fixing the shakiness. We worked on the video for about five days. We even stayed up all night for the final member check. We'll probably be making new videos again soon... but for now, I just want to enjoy the completion of the album."

■ Interviewer: Haha. Regarding the tour setlist, do you plan to follow the flow of this album?

Reita: That’s one way to do it, but since there are slightly fewer songs on this album compared to "DOGMA," we’ll include some older songs. I think they’ll blend in seamlessly. Whether we include songs from "DOGMA" or even older tracks, it shouldn’t feel out of place. This will make selecting the setlist quite challenging. With "DOGMA," it was easier because it was clear which songs fit. This time, with the inclusive nature of "NINTH," it’s a lot more difficult.

■ Interviewer: In a band interview, there was a discussion about whether the audience will participate in the chorus for 'ABHOR GOD.'

Reita: "It might be difficult, but I definitely want them to join in (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Yes (laughs). Personally, 'BREAK ME' came to mind. With its hand claps and chorus, it seemed like an arena rock number meant for audience participation. But it disappeared from the setlist surprisingly quickly. I imagine the live reaction wasn’t what you expected?

Reita: "Yeah, that was tough. Honestly, I thought 'BREAK ME' would be a killer tune. But when we played it, it was like, "Oh…?" (laughs). It disappeared almost immediately. We even tried to hype it up by releasing black balloons during the second performance, but that backfired. It made us realize we weren’t that kind of band (laughs). So we quickly dropped it. But I still really like "BREAK ME." Some fans do too. It might look different now if we performed it, but it probably won’t happen (laughs).

■ Interviewer: You never know how a song will go over live until you try it.

Reita: "Yeah. I was disappointed too. We gave up on it before it could fully develop. There’s a bit of regret, but we’re determined not to let that happen with the new songs.

■ Interviewer: With such a wide range of content, I’m excited to see how each song will unfold live.

Reita: "Yes. 'NINTH' feels like it could be our first album. It shows that the GazettE hasn't discarded anything."

■ Interviewer: Despite not intentionally changing, some people might say they prefer your early or mid-period work.

Reita: "Yes, I understand that feeling. We don’t feel like we’ve changed, but we get comments about how the old stuff was better or how people prefer our early or mid-period work. I understand that sentiment because I’ve felt that way about other bands. But we believe the latest work is the coolest, and we present it as such. If we were to make our first album now, it would likely be this lineup of songs.

■ Interviewer: I see.

Reita: "If this album had a stronger metal smell, people might think we changed after 'DOGMA.' But we make sure not to go in that direction."

■ Interviewer: You’re not a band that wants to stick to just one thing.

Reita: "Exactly. We don't want to be pigeonholed into one genre. As long as our live shows are enjoyable, that's what matters. We wouldn’t release CDs if we didn’t perform live. The album is meant to make our live shows fun. You could even say it’s an excuse to tour (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: After the whirlwind days, are you finally able to take a breather now?

Kai: "Well, I always think that taking a breather at this point is one of my bad habits. Now that the album production is over, I'm thinking if there's anything we've missed for the next step. Usually, I'd relax a bit while imagining the tour, casually considering my practice routines, but now I'm trying to organize everything, checking if the band is missing anything."

■ Interviewer: So you're intentionally keeping the tension high.

Kai: "Yes, I'm organizing the finer details. Not that everyone in the band needs to worry about it; it’s enough if one person thinks about it. There are always a lot of last-minute issues before a tour, so I'm trying to prevent that by planning ahead. It’s just that I'm being extra cautious without any deeper meaning (laughs). I'm trying to delegate tasks early on and have meetings about the stage setup that we usually push back."

■ Interviewer: I see. Regarding the drumming on "NINTH," it seems you had to play with a lot of precision while adapting to the wide variety of songs.

Kai: "Yes. Well, it's nothing new (laughs). Our previous albums also had a variety of songs because we like a diverse balance, so it's natural for different styles to emerge. For each song, I just approach it in a way that fits, and it's not like I opened up a lot of new possibilities. In the band interview, we mentioned how we did the recording and pre-production for 'ABHOR GOD' simultaneously. Basically, while I was creating the phrases, the members were listening and saying things like, 'How about this?' and then we recorded it on the spot. It was like, 'This has a live feel to it,' so we did it at that level. It was a recording where we built on what we had accumulated."

■ Interviewer: It's rare for the GazettE to handle irregular situations like that, but you managed well.

Kai: "If I could have my way, I'd prefer to spend time in the studio as usual, creating phrases instinctively, then thinking them over, communicating with the members, and making adjustments. So, I felt a bit less cautious this time (laughs). Naturally, I wished we could have taken more time."

■ Interviewer: On the other hand, it might have resulted in boldness that you wouldn't usually have.

Kai: "Yes, that might have brought some momentum. We ended up doing what we wanted. Normally, around this time, I’d be a bit tired of listening to the recordings. But now, I still have a pure listener's perspective and am engaging with 'NINTH' as a regular listener. Since the drum parts weren't meticulously crafted through detailed discussions, it feels fresh."

■ Interviewer: So all parts were created simultaneously.

Kai: "Yes. For example, with the tom rolls after the chorus in 'ABHOR GOD,' I thought about whether to make the phrases more structured for live performance or to let it flow more naturally, not too structured. I could only communicate with the members on the spot, and we decided on the latter, making it less structured. The other option was to use only toms, but we included a lot of snare too. But that made the snare parts feel too structured, so we decided against it. I ended up saying, 'I'll just play it roughly,' and when I did, they said, 'That works.'"

■ Interviewer: Although it was necessary, hearing such playstyles now is fresh and exciting for listeners.

Kai: "Yes, though other parts were similar. It wasn’t as rushed, but it was certainly tight. Instead of detailed listening, we quickly judged whether something was good or not. It was judged by the composers, usually, they might ask for specific rolls at certain points, but this time it was more abstract like, 'No, that's not quite right.'"

■ Interviewer: Honestly, it sounds tough (laughs).

Kai: "Well, yes (laughs). And when I tried a different approach, they'd say, 'Yeah, that's fine,' and that would be it."

■ Interviewer: Even though you were working under tight time constraints, there must have been a sense of mutual understanding and trust, like knowing what each other meant without needing to explain everything.

Kai: "Probably (laughs). That was the case with "Utsusemi" that Aoi composed. It required a lot of live drumming nuances that can't be captured by programming. Listening to Aoi, I understood he wanted those ghost notes, volume dynamics, and so on. It wasn't the phrase itself that was an issue but the way it was played. We communicated using programmed data, but it was clear we needed live recording. This level of understanding is a result of our 16 years together."

■ Interviewer: It was a method that worked precisely because of your long experience together.

Kai: "I think so. I wouldn't want to do it this way every time (laughs). But there were good aspects to it."

■ Interviewer: Though the recording process changed significantly, you still recorded the drums traditionally, right?

Kai: "Yes. For me, recording drums at home wouldn’t work."

■ Interviewer: For parts like those in 'UNFINISHED' and the straightforward beats in 'Utsusemi' did you feel more liberated as a drummer?

Kai: "When I first listened to 'UNFINISHED,' I didn't have any issues with the play or the phrases. I felt the same about 'Utsusemi' at first, but the B-melody’s groove was surprisingly tricky. It might seem easy to others, but for me, it was challenging. Musically, I tend to lean towards dotted eighth-note feels, but this time, it was more triplet-based. This created a mental block for me, as I naturally gravitate towards that dotted feel. Trying to swing it slightly made the song sound completely different."

■ Interviewer: Ah, I see.

Kai: "It didn’t fit at all. With the atmospheric arpeggio, my part felt oddly cheerful and out of place (laughs). This kind of difficulty is common with Uruha and Aoi’s songs. But with RUKI’s songs, I don't encounter that as much. It might be due to the different musical roots we've listened to or the fundamental differences in how we perceive rhythm."

■ Interviewer: With Uruha’s compositions, like "THE MORTAL" or "BABYLON'S TABOO."

Kai: "For 'BABYLON'S TABOO,' he brought a drum loop rhythm and said, 'This is the kind of drum feel I want.' The sound was unusual, quite percussive. It was a loop with sounds like roto-toms and a dry kick, not quite live. So, I had to think about how to replicate that feel in live play. Even the cymbals in the loop were very electronic. So, I started by communicating with Uruha. If he wanted a very electronic feel, I thought we might even consider using only pads."

■ Interviewer: I see, that's the approach you took.

Kai: "When we play 'BABYLON'S TABOO' live, I thought it might be better to use a drum pad on the side instead of a traditional drum set, but after talking it over, that wasn’t the image we wanted. So, I interpreted it as needing to rework the drums to fit that atmosphere. The main sound would be live drums, but there were parts where that wouldn't work. For example, after the chorus, Uruha wanted the toms to come through, but the phrase required more than just two arms. So, I decided to keep the live drums for the hi-hat, kick, and snare, but use programming for the toms after the chorus. How to handle this in a live setting is something we'll have to figure out, but it evolved from a very programmed sound to its current form."

■ Interviewer: I see. "BABYLON'S TABOO" has a seductive, ritualistic mood.

Kai: "When we were selecting songs, we specifically asked Uruha to compose a song with this feel. We thought this was Uruha's forte, and we asked him for a song that doesn’t fully climax. That’s how this song was created."

■ Interviewer: A song that intentionally doesn’t fully climax—interesting.

Kai: "Yes. Everyone understood that keyword, so I created my phrases to align with that. Similar to 'ABHOR GOD,' the idea was to bring out a nostalgic feel. I'm not sure if this is the right word, but I aimed for something beyond what words can describe."

■ Interviewer: While you show a low, grounded groove, "Uragiru Bero" features a fast beat, reminiscent of your early indie days.

Kai: "That's right. When I listen to music by younger bands, including those overseas, I often find them really skillful and impressive in terms of how many tricks they have up their sleeves. In that context, I don't have a wide variety of drum patterns, and as I said earlier, I don't deliberately try to expand my repertoire. But the GazettE has done various types of songs over the years, and I’ve adapted to them. My stance has always been to do whatever I can, and 'Uragiru Bero' is one of those tracks. If we were to do something like bossa nova or blues, then I’d think about expanding my repertoire (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: That’s hard to imagine (laughs).

Kai: "Haha! My goal is always to match the composer’s image as closely as possible, and if I can, surpass their expectations. I wish we had more time, but even if we did, I don't think the songs would have changed significantly. In the latter half of the recording, we worked on some tracks without vocals, but we have absolute trust in each other. Even if I couldn’t imagine the vocals, I knew they’d be great, so it was something to look forward to."

■ Interviewer: So, have you been listening to the finished product a lot?

Kai: "Recently, I've been listening to it constantly."

■ Interviewer: Since the final version took longer to come together, does it feel fresher than usual?

Kai: "Usually, by this time, I’m a bit tired of listening to the tracks repeatedly. I’d be listening with a more critical ear, thinking about how to perform certain parts live. But now, I’m still approaching 'NINTH' as a pure listener."

■ Interviewer: It’s your first original album since "DOGMA." Did the experience of making "TRACES VOL.2," which involved a lot of work from the members themselves, influence this album?

Kai: "Well, let’s see... not really. The recording process for that was very unique, so it didn’t affect me much. However, Uruha did all the engineering for 'TRACES VOL.2,' and that experience led him to want to handle some engineering himself this time (he engineered '99.999,' 'THE MORTAL,' and 'BABYLON'S TABOO')."

■ Interviewer: So, did revisiting your older songs from the "Dainippon Itangeisha" era during live performances provide any inspiration?

Kai: "It’s less about the specific songs and more about the phrases. It’s like, ‘Oh, we used to do stuff like this,’ so there might be some influence in that sense. I didn’t set out to reflect anything specific from those songs in the new album, but organizing live events like 'Boudouku Gudon no Sakura' and 'BURST INTO A BLAZE 3' brought back nostalgic tracks that we performed live… so that process might have influenced some of the phrases."

■ Interviewer: It must have been somewhat stimulating to revisit those early impulses that you might not be able to capture now.

Kai: "Yeah, when we play them now, the way we perceive the sounds is different. There are phrases where I think, ‘Oh, this is nice,’ and it’s hard to explain, but there’s a sense of timing unique to that period."

■ Interviewer: Timing, you say.

Kai: "Yes. The spacing between phrases, the way we handled the ‘ma’ (space), I found it to be quite good upon revisiting. It's probably at an unconscious level rather than something deliberate."

■ Interviewer: Those live performances were special, and I’m sure they left an impression. Many fans likely saw those songs as sealed away.

Kai: "As a band, we’ve always looked back to some extent. Not in a negative way, but we believe that the present is built on past experiences, so it’s impossible not to reflect on the past. Whether we show it straightforwardly or in a different mode varies, but we do reflect on it. But I was a bit surprised when Ruki suggested ''Boudouku Gudon no Sakura"."

■ Interviewer: That period was considered separate, right?

Kai: "Yes… exactly. It was an idea that went beyond what we understood up to that point. It was like, 'We're going that far?' I was surprised, but when we actually did it, it didn't seem so strange. So, in various ways, we've been reflecting on our past. At the same time, we have a fundamental desire to look forward and create new things. The GazettE is a band that can't neglect its past. There are some artists who can completely cut off their past and say, 'This is what I want to do now,' and I think that's a valid approach. They might have said something in the past but now say it doesn't matter anymore, but I don’t think that’s possible for the GazettE."

■ Interviewer: That’s partly because the GazettE is a band that has grown from the indie scene and carries the sentiments of the fans who have walked with you all this time.

Kai: "Of course, that's a big part of it. We pride ourselves on being a live band, so each song is directly connected to our live performances. While we fundamentally want to keep looking forward and creating new things, we are a band that can't neglect our past. It's not just about us; it's a space that only exists because there are people who empathize with us and appreciate us. Essentially, we're not just a recording band. That's why we have an inseparable relationship with our fans."

■ Interviewer: The creation process for this album has evolved, but it seems that the GazettE still retains its old-school mindset. RUKI often describes it as having a “gritty” quality.

"Exactly. We've really remained unchanged since the old days. This time, the album is simply our ninth one, hence the title 'NINTH.' For the GazettE, that simplicity is actually quite surprising, I think (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Indeed (laughs).

Kai: "For us, it’s a very natural progression."

■ Interviewer: In terms of essence, it feels similar to when you made 'BEAUTIFUL DEFORMITY,' where you returned to the GazettE's roots.

Kai: "Ah… that one didn't have a grand concept either, and the content wasn't biased; it had various songs. It was a quintessential GazettE album at that time. Certainly, it's a similar work. For albums with a more defined direction or concept, there’s 'DIVISION' and 'DOGMA'... and also 'DIM.' Well, 'DIM' ended up being what it was. That atmosphere... (laughs). It’s not negative, but it strongly reflected our state at the time. 'DOGMA' was deliberately made with a specific concept, and 'DIVISION' was a conceptual album aimed at blending styles with a digital taste. Looking back, those albums are rather unique."

■ Interviewer: The conceptual nature of 'DOGMA' and 'DIVISION' often makes them seem like the main essence of the GazettE.

Kai: "Yes. But if you take a step back, you should realize that the GazettE does many different things. Actually, there's another core principle that we stick to."

■ Interviewer: I think 'NINTH' is an album that reaffirms that.

Kai: "Yes. But I totally understand the sentiment. Even I was searching for a concept for this album at first, before 'Falling' was created. When we were making the promotional videos, I was looking for something that would define the next album. So when 'NINTH' became the official title, it felt very right to me."

■ Interviewer: Yes, I also searched for various interpretations of the album title.

Kai: "Right (laughs). Looking back now, 'BEAUTIFUL DEFORMITY' definitely happened because of 'DIVISION,' and 'NINTH' is happening because of 'DOGMA'… Each experience we've had creates its own unique color, so it naturally reflects the essence of that time. For instance, if we had released something like 'BEAUTIFUL DEFORMITY' right after 'DIVISION,' following 'DOGMA,' I think this 'NINTH' would have been a completely different album. That’s very GazettE-like, not disregarding the past. After releasing 'DOGMA,' we wanted to release a ballad best-of album. Normally, people might think, 'A ballad best-of album? That’s impossible.' But because it came after 'DOGMA,' it made sense. 'Oh, I kind of want to listen to that,' you know (laughs)."

■ Interviewer: Your body must have been craving it (laughs).

Kai: "Exactly. The reason 'NINTH' took this shape is because it came after such a conceptual project."

■ Interviewer: The GazettE is a band that does what they like freely at any given moment.

Kai: "Yes, that’s the main principle. Basically, no one wants to do things they don’t like. I think all artists share that at a fundamental level."

■ Interviewer: Releasing 'NINTH' now and looking back at the flow of everything so far, it feels like the essence of this band has become clearer than ever.

Kai: "In that sense, this album should be very easy for fans to embrace. I hope they listen to it without any preconceived notions."

■ Interviewer: Moreover, I think people who have only had a vague impression of the GazettE until now might also take this opportunity to get to know them through this work.

Kai: "Yes, I think so too. When you look at the artwork of this album, you can feel the atmosphere and imagine various things. While it retains that GazettE-like essence, I hope people can listen to 'NINTH' with a fresh perspective, free from preconceived notions, and feel it as the latest album from the GazettE."

[thechaoticdruid]

Seriously, now!?

Astarion x Named!Tav

Plot: (Set in late act 1 early act 2) After causing a scene, embarrassing and being shouted at by their own resident wizard, Winnie storms off alone to sulk. Her monthly bleeding is upon her and is making everything seem so much worse! But perhaps her vampiric lover can make it all better?

Warnings/content: Period comfort fic (because I needed it), emotional MC, soft Astarion, Galeshaming (I'm sorry for constantly bullying Gale), Winnie is honestly being a bit petty, but Astarion doesn't care really, he's on her side anyway, angst, fluff, comfort, a wee bit of smut at the end, oral (female receiving), MDNI, possibly ooc moments, possible grammar/ spelling mistakes.

After finding only disappointment and danger from their failure at the githyanki creché, Winnie and her merry band of weirdos were now turning towards the mountain path that would lead them onward to Moonrise. They'd run into a little confrontation on the way, had to fight some undead baddies and then met face to face with the famed 'Elminster.' Winnie had no idea who he was, nor did she really care. All she was concerned with was that this guy came into her camp ate all HER cheese and then told her friend his ex wanted him to go kill himself. Needless to say the young druid was not that impressed. Despite dreaming of being a wizard as a child, Winnie had never heard of this man before. The village she was born in had been pretty cut off from the rest of the world so all the stories of heroes from all over were never told to the children living there.

"I can't believe you! Picking a fight with an old man." Gale exclaimed looking over at Winnie with disapproval.

"Last I thought you said the old man was the strongest wizard in the world." Winnie tilted her head in confusion.

"That's no excuse to get into a fist fight with him! Didn't your parents teach you to respect your elders?!" Gale shouted.

"My Gran taught me to kick ass if someone takes what is mine. Especially my food." Winnie huffed and crossed her arms. Granted Archdruid Winnifred the first was known for being a crazy old crone with a fiery temper and some outdated views. She also seemed much too calm when her husband apparently died in an owlbear attack.

Ah, but Winnie still missed her.

"Oh come on wizard, Winnie's little show was absolutely hilarious! Ahaha!" Astarion giggled. The elven vampire had been watching the chaotic scene unfold with a shit eating grin the entire time. The fact that the druid used none of her powers or weapons just made it all the better. Hells she even bit the old man.

"Hilarious!? She attacked one of the greatest wizards this world has ever known over cheese!!! A child has more restraint for gods' sake!"

"Oh, suck my dick!" Winnie snarled, quite literally making a wolfish growl at the bearded man before stomping off. Gale rubbed his temples before slumping off to his own tent.

"Winnie is rather eccentric at the best of times, but usually not this vicious." Shadowheart piped up, stepping over to join the vampire spawn.

"She has a temper, but I agree she's been acting more irritable than usual. You wouldn't know anything about this would you fangs?" Karlach asked looking over at Astarion.

"Must you assume whenever something goes wrong it's my fault?" Astarion crossed his arms.

"No one is accusing you of anything yet, but you have practically been glued to Winnie's backside as of late." Shadowheart raised an eyebrow.

"Just wanted to know if you knew if there was something going on." The tiefling female added. Astarion rolled his eyes before looking over in the direction of where Winnie had wandered off.

"Oh there is something going on, not that I'm the type to gossip about a woman's personal matters." Astarion ran a hand through his ivory curls.

"Fangs, we all know that's complete bullshit." Karlach looked at him with an unamused expression.

"Well, not about this! It's different. Even I have limits you know." Astarion murmured. He was well aware of Winnie's predicament, and if he had been completely honest he definitely would have gossiped about this sort of thing if it had been anyone else. "But perhaps I can go and calm our feisty little wolf down." The high elf suggested, hoping to keep the others from asking any more questions.

"Alright I'll go try to console Gale I think he's screaming into his pillow again...." Karlach mentioned before her and Shadowheart walked off.

Astarion looked over to where Winnie had wandered up, finding her curled up on her bed-roll under some trees. Winnie whimpered and groaned, clutching her lower stomach in pain.

"In a spot of bother are we?" Astarion looked down at her.

"Leave me alone Astarion!" Winnie snapped before covering herself in her blankets.

"Oh come on, don't be like that. I'm only here to help." Astarion sat down on the bed-roll next to her. "I know you're still mad that the mean wizard yelled at you, but if you want I can go and break his legs? Would that make you happy, dear?" Astarion practically cooed, a small smile formed on his lips as he ran a hand over her back.

"Maybe...." Winnie mumbled and glanced up at him. Astarion smirked, "I thought so." He gently caressed her head.

"I'm.....Sorry....I...I haven't been myself lately...." Winnie confessed before wincing again in pain.

"I know. I can smell the blood..." Astarion said calmly. Winnie turned bright red before hiding her face in her pillow.

"This is so embarrassing!" Winnie whimpered into her pillow. Astarion sighed before laying beside her.

"Well if it's any consolation...You smell absolutely delicious." He grinned looking over her before receiving a light smack on the chest.

"Don't be gross!" Winnie huffed, and then looked up at Astarion who was just staring at her. "I don't want to think about anything.... going on down there....right now... It's too uncomfortable..." She mumbled, before burying her head back into her pillow. Astarion frowned. Comfort was really not his thing. Whenever Winnie was feeling down, usually due to insecurities about her appearance he'd just bed her, compliment her and she'd be happy, but this was different. If she didn't want to be touched he was a little bit at a loss of what to do. Still, these gods damned feelings urged him to try something. Despite his best efforts to avoid it, he was growing attached to her.

"Come back to my tent darling." Astarion whispered as he pushed some of the druid's messy hair behind her ear.

"Astarion I just told you-"

"Not for that. I promise, just let me take care of you." Astarion sat up, looking down at the human female with a softening gaze. Winnie turned towards him and sighed.

"Fine..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Winnie followed Astarion back to his tent with her things, she waited a moment for him to go inside and to take care of a few things before entering and setting her stuff down. She placed her bedroll and blankets down before noticing him placing pillows down around her stuff. She stared at him, curiously. Was this all some kind of plot? She wasn't so sure why he seemed to care this much. Astarion would usually mock someone else's pain. Sure the two of them had been sleeping together, but Astarion was quick to return to his usual apathetic self once out of the bedroom so to speak. Mocking any acts of heroism she did.

"Wait here I'll be back." Astarion ruffled her hair with a soft smile. Winnie laid there on the bedding, nuzzled her face into one of the cushy pillows Astarion had set out for her.

He'll probably just want to feed on me later.... That's it.

Winnie reached into her pack and took out a small worn out green dragon plush holding it to her chest for comfort as she curled up.

The others probably made him go after me because I was acting like a lunatic.....They all probably hate me now....

Tears began form in the corners of her eyes as she slid there. Winnie laid her head on one of the pillows before taking in the nice earthy scent of bergamot and rosemary. Her heart ached as she thought about the elf. The druid knew in her heart that it was meaningless, that he was just using her for his own gain, but she just smiled and went along with it, wanting to stay lost in him for as long as she could. With Astarion she felt something no one had ever given her before. She felt wanted. Even if it was all just a beautiful lie.

Winnie huffed, squeezing her eyes shut as tears forced their way out and began to drip down her cheeks.

She could see it happening almost vividly how he'd approach her eventually after everything at Moonrise was settled and done with.

"What were you expecting, some fairytale prince?" He'd laugh at her naivety and shake his head when began to tear up. "This is what I do. I give you a moment of escape with a world endingly beautiful vampire and you satisfy my needs. Cheer up. There's really no one better you could have spent your first time with. Especially with how homely you are."

Winnie sobbed quietly into the pillow. Her mind running wild with self loathing thoughts, imagining several different ways Astarion would break it off with her. Eventually after a while the tent flap opened and she felt a breeze brush over her cheek though she refused to look over. Astarion slipped in, carrying a well stuffed sack over his shoulder. His crimson eyes gazed over Winnie's plump curvaceous form as he sat down beside her on the bed-roll. Astarion set down the sack near the entrance of the tent before looking over Winnie further.

"Darling, I'm back." He said softly before noticing the little stuffed dragon in her arms. "What's this? Really dear a stuffed animal? You're twenty three years-" Astarion stopped his snarky comment as he noticed Winnie's red puffy eyes, her nose sniffling.

"Winnie....Did Gale come by while I was gone? Did he say something to you?" Astarion clenched his fist, about ready to go and shove the wizard inside his own bag of holding.

"No.... Nothing happened..." Winnie muttered. Astarion sighed in relief before looking back at the sack he brought with him. He opened it, taking out some wine and setting it down near the bedding.

"Then why have you been crying, my sweet?" Astarion asked, a worried frown formed over his face. "Was it something I said?"

Winnie huffed and looked back at him.

"No...I'm.......I'm just overwhelmed... Everyone depends on me and now I've gone and made myself look like a fool." Winnie said, half lying and half telling the truth. "And my bleeding isn't making it any better."

Astarion then proceeded to hand the bottle of wine to her. "Perhaps this will help your mood." Winnie looked over the bottle before drinking some. The flavor was sweet with a faint hint of bitterness masked by blackberries. She set it down before noticing Astarion fiddling with the sack again.

"I may have found a rather generous merchant nearby." The pale elf added as he took out a wooden plate with a wedge of cheese and a chicken leg on it. Winnie practically drooled at the sight before shaking her head and thinking.

"Generous? Astarion, what did you do to him?" The druid crossed her arms.

"Nothing! I assure you, he is still very much alive. I didn't hurt him....Much..." Astarion said muttering out the last part with a smirk as he thought back to how he left the merchant tied to a tree after robbing him. Winnie sighed before suddenly grabbing hold of the cheese and taking a bite. Her face almost instantly relaxed into a smile as she savored the taste biting into the chicken next. Astarion watched her contently as he made himself comfortable on the bed-roll beside her. She finished the food before setting the plate to the side and relaxing.

"Thank you. I think I feel a bit better now." Winnie murmured before looking back at Astarion.

"Happy to help, although I do expect to be paid back in full for my trouble." Astarion smiled, lips forming an awkward looking grinch like grin.

"Oh....Um... Would this work?" She pulled down her shirt, exposing her neck and shoulder to him.

"A kiss will do for now." He said, moving her hand away from her neck. Winnie blushed darkly before nodding. The brunette haired female leaned in with her lips puckered before pressing them to his sweetly. Her kiss was chaste and innocent as in lingered upon his lips. He cupped her face, returning it before pulling back and pecking her forehead.

"Ahh!" Winnie grunted in pain as Astarion pulled away, hand moving down clutch her abdomen.

"Fucking hells, why does my body hate me!" She cursed.

"Probably getting back at you for not letting me inside." Astarion joked before moving closer to her. He moved a hand over her stomach. "May I? I won't do anything perverse. I promise."

Winnie bit her lip for a moment before nodding. Astarion slid his hand under her shirt and began to rub soothing gentle circles around her lower stomach. Winnie sighed in relief, before leaning against him. Astarion smiled and laid his head on her shoulder, continuing his motions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day Gale looked around searching for one of his wizard tomes he'd forgotten he lent to Winnie just a few days prior. The wizard groaned at the prospect of possibly invoking the moody druid's wrath once more, but that was indeed a very important book! Quickly he made his way over to where he remembered Winnie had set up camp before eventually being met with an empty space.

He turned and retraced his steps before looking over to Astarion's crimson red tent with curiosity.

The wizard stepped over towards the shelter cautiously until the faint sound of soft feminine whimpers hit his ears. Inside the tent Winnie laid back against the bed-roll, pillow pulled over her bright red face as she moaned into it. All the while Astarion had his head buried between her legs, one of her thick thighs slung over his shoulder as he feasted on her.

"Uh....Winnie....D-Do you still have that tome I lent you?" The wizard stammered out, face turning bright red.

Astarion's brows knit together in annoyance before he pulled his tongue out of the druid's cunt.

"She's currently quite occupied, Gale. Now do piss off!" The vampire hissed out before returning to ravishing the human female. Winnie herself wasn't able to form any coherent sentences while the pale elf had her in his clutches, but eventually later on she returned Gale's book to him and eventually apologized for the scene she caused yesterday.

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Note from TheChaoticDruid: Hope you enjoyed! I admit this is a completely self indulgent fic that was kinda a spur of the moment thing. I've seen a lot of period comfort fics that more so focus on the pain and mess than the emotional aspects of it so I wanted to put a bit of focus on that, cause honestly when it happens to me I have a tendency to be rather mean. Of course this is a little exaggerated for laughs in the beginning, but sometimes when it happens you feel like everyone is out to get ya and you wanna tear people's heads off over the littlest of things. I was a little afraid I might have made Astarion a little too soft, but given it's close to his act 2 confession I think it can maybe work.

~Druid