#this assignment should NOT just be worth 5 points

[beneathsilverstars]

Can you pls explain to me the proper way to raise a child gender neutrally, especially in a world that loves to push gender? It’s something I always wanted to do when I have my own kid but I’m scared the world is just not ready for that kind of thing and my child will get bullied by other kids/adults.

Unfortunately the feasibility of this does depend on where you live. I’m lucky to live in a fairly liberal college town — the state as a whole is awful, but in this town we have drag shows and a huge pride parade and rainbow stickers in shop fronts. There are still transphobic people here of course, but they generally know that being too overt about it will have social repercussions.

However! It doesn’t necessarily have to be an all-or-nothing thing! When your kid's a baby it’s up to you how you refer to them while in different situations, so you’re free to adjust your language as seems necessary. And then when they’re old enough to care, well, at that point it’s not up to you anyway! (My kid has decided she’s a nonbinary girl, hence the she/hers in this post.)

So here’s a list of things my partners and I did, and you can decide which things seem safe / worth it to you.

We gave her a name that doesn’t have strong gender connotations.

We shopped in the boys and girls sections equally, aiming for a roughly equal number of fancy little button ups vs fancy little dresses, pink diapers vs blue diapers, etc.

We told friends and family that we were planning to raise her gender neutrally and use they/them pronouns, until/unless she expressed a preference otherwise.

Our explanation to adults was along the lines of “We don't want to assign a gender to our child, because we think gender should be a freely-made choice rather than something that is assumed based on body type. So, we're raising them gender neutrally until they decide what they want to be. We’re not assigning them 'nonbinary', either; we’re using they/them to help avoid gendered bias, so they’ll get to experience feminine, masculine, and ungendered options equally. That way every option will be open to them as they learn their own preferences and decide who they want to be.”

Our explanation to kids was along the lines of “I don’t know yet if they’re a boy or a girl or something else! When babies are born, the doctor guesses what gender they’ll be. But sometimes the doctor guesses wrong, and the kid grows up to be a different gender. We decided not to guess what gender our baby will be, because we want to let them choose.” This usually makes perfect sense to 4-5 year olds! (Younger kids might not entirely understand or care, and older kids might have more questions.) However, you gotta be careful with this, bc even some people who are okay with you explaining your own adult transed gender won’t like you implying to their children that everyone should have that option and the whole system is bs. The less objectionable explanation is “I’m going to wait until they’re older to ask them whether they’re a boy or a girl.” Or even answering "What gender is your baby?" with "What do you think?" and then "Maybe!"

We didn’t announce her agab. When people asked, we refused to answer, more or less politely depending on the vibes. If you really want to make them feel bad you can give them a weird look and say “My child’s body is none of your business??” but there’s also the gentler “I don’t think it really matters!” We did fill out her assigned sex for official paperwork, like doctor's forms and legal government stuff, but for more casual forms we sometimes skipped the question or wrote in "we are raising them gender-neutrally" or "they/them".

We generally didn’t correct strangers or explain it to them unless they asked. Nothing wrong with some people assuming “she” and some people assuming “he”, as long as it’s not always just one or the other. If a stranger asked about their gender, I'd go for a quick "We're raising them gender-neutrally." I did also have to clarify fairly often that I only have one kid, when I talked about them and people assumed the "they" was plural, but that was never a big deal it was just kinda funny.

We did correct friends and family, since if they used gendered pronouns it was an active choice or mistake rather than a clueless assumption. Most of our circles are queer so most people were chill about it, but some family members changed one diaper and immediately assigned a pronoun set. We didn't think it was worth fighting over or limiting access, since it's not like they were disrespecting the baby's preference. But we did keep correcting them / emphasizing the neutral pronoun in our replies.

When she started preschool, we preemptively explained to her teachers that we're raising her gender-neutrally, and to please refer to her using "they/them" unless she said otherwise, and to avoid splitting the class into boys vs girls teams or anything like that. Again, fairly liberal town, and the preschool even has a teacher who uses they/them, so the teachers agreed without issue. iirc, they messed up occasionally but they were making an effort, and again I wasn't too bothered as long as my kid wasn't.

When she started using she/her sometimes, I let her teachers know, and told them to follow her lead. When we talked with friends and family we just used the right pronouns ourselves, and explained if they asked or it came up. And then once she was consistently using just she/her, we made a facebook post about it and started correcting people with a quick "She actually decided to use she/her, now."

And then here's how we talked about gender with her, specifically.

When she was old enough to start wondering who's a boy and who's a girl and what that even means, we explained, "Some people are girls, some people are boys, some people are neither or both or something else. I decided I don't want to be a boy or a girl, I'm nonbinary instead. You can decide if you want to be a boy or a girl or nonbinary or something else, too." and "Well, maybe that person's a boy, but they could be something else; I don't know because I don't know them. I don't know their name or anything either." We decided not to explain how differently most of society treats gender, the stereotypes of gender presentation, etc, until she started noticing that stuff herself. Explaining that it's wrong still involves putting those ideas into her head, which was going to happen pretty soon anyway regardless. Might as well start with a foundation of pure gender anarchy while we can.

When she noticed that every other kid she's met already had a gender, we explained "A lot of parents guess what gender their kid will be, and sometimes they guess right or sometimes they guess wrong. [Friend]'s mom guessed that she was a girl, and [friend] agrees! But when Mama was a kid people guessed she was a boy, and then she grew up and decided she's actually a girl. We didn't want to guess for you and maybe get it wrong, so we decided to wait until you were old enough to decide for yourself what gender you want to be."

Occasionally when the topic came up, we would ask if she felt like she wanted to be a girl or boy or something else, or specifically ask if she liked "they/them" or wanted to use "she/her" or "he/him". When she was ~2, she didn't entirely understand and didn't care. When she was ~3, she occasionally said she wanted to be a girl or use she/her, but immediately changed her mind as soon as we actually referred to her as such. (This is quite in-character for her, because she's generally averse to big changes and doesn't like to do anything she doesn't feel totally confident about.) When she was ~4 she finally stuck with it, and now she's a nonbinary girl who uses she/her, and her feelings about gendered terms like "daughter" still go back and forth a bit.

When she started expressing preferences in clothing, colors, etc, we just got things she liked, which ended up being dresses and sparkles.

As she started noticing gender differences, picking up stereotypes from school and media, etc, we'd address them as they came up. "Yes, a lot of people think dresses are just for girls. But I think that isn't very fair. Some boys love to wear dresses, and some girls don't, and that's just fine! It's not very nice to tell someone else what they're allowed to wear. (Unless they need certain clothes to say safe, like a jacket in the winter.)"

We also had to tell her to stop being sexist, lol. "It's fine that you think girls are awesome, they are! But boys are awesome too. It's not very nice to say you won't play with someone just because of their gender. If someone said they wouldn't play with me because I'm nonbinary, I would be so sad! If you don't want to play with [these three classmates] because they're usually too loud and rough, that's fine, but that's not because they're boys; that's because of what games they like to play. Some girls like to play loud and rough, and some boys like to be more careful and quiet like you. Can you think of any boys in your class who you like to play with sometimes? ... See, boys can like all sorts of different games, just like girls can."

We ended up getting the easiest resolution (at least for now): by the time she reached the age where kids start caring about these things, she'd started caring, and settled into being a classic girly girl (with the occasional splash of nonbinary flavor). If she'd stuck to they/them, she'd probably be starting to have a harder time in school -- definitely not full bullying, given her 12-kid 2-teacher private kindergarten class, but probably some frustration with constantly correcting people.

However... if she was more gnc, she woulda ended up that way sooner or later, anyway. If I was choosing between "she's out and proud trans and gets some shit for it" or "she's unhappy with being cis but doesn't realize she has other options," I'd always choose the former, because in that case she gets a choice. By the time kids are old enough to bully each other over gender, they're old enough to decide whether they want to be out at school, y'know? And I've always been ready to pull her from school if it ever became necessary due to peer bullying or unsupportive teachers, especially since she shares a lot of the traits that my wife got bullied for as a child.

It is possible to go 100% gender-neutral, and cut anyone out of your life who opposes it, including moving schools or even moving house if necessary. There are people who will support this choice, even cishet people who don't really get the trans thing but know that unconscious sexism can have a big effect on babies' development. Maybe more people than you think! But it depends on your local culture. And sometimes it takes a certain amount of privilege to be able to prioritize finding those people, and it's simply not worth, say, paying more to switch daycares to find a teacher who won't gender your baby. Sometimes you do have to balance your priorities, and you can't know how much balancing it will actually take until you get there.

So, overall, my advice is just to do whatever you feel comfortable with! What sounds worse to you: gendering your baby, or fighting against society's attempts to gender them? Obviously when you have a trans child you fight for them, but it's a muddier question when the child doesn't care yet. Most of our queer friends aren't going full they/them gender neutral with their kids like we did, because they don't want to have to constantly explain that on top of all the shit they deal with for being queer. Instead they're just being extra firm about shopping in both sections of the store, not falling to stereotypes, and explaining to their child that they can decide to be something else if they want.

And there's a lot of options in between -- maybe you use they/them at home, but he/him at school, or maybe even she/her at home to balance out the school. Maybe you name and dress them gender-neutrally (or both fem and masc) and don't correct any assumptions. Maybe you tell one side of the family that you're going gender anarchy neutral so they should avoid gendered terms, but you only tell the other side that you're going feminist equality so they should make sure to gift both pretend kitchen toys and pretend power tools. It's the same as deciding in what situations you want to be out vs stay stealth/closeted.

When they're a baby it doesn't matter much either way (as long as you're not being sexist in your reactions to their behavior) because they're a baby, they could not care less. And then when they're old enough to pick their gender, you're hopefully giving them that choice regardless of what you did when they're a baby. It's true that the starting point you gave them may affect their gender journey, but that's true of gender neutrality as well.

So if you think it'll be too risky in the time and place in which you're raising your child, you really don't have to feel bad about not doing it. It's okay to save your energy for when your child really needs it. But if it's something you're committed to, it is possible! I'm so glad that my family was able to make this choice. I actually loved the conversations that it opened up with all sorts of people about gendering children! Even though I got in trouble one time for explaining gender too well to the children at the daycare I worked at, lol. And I know that gendering my kid as a baby would've made me more uncomfortable than any number of awkward conversations. I love knowing that her pink purple flower unicorn heart dresses are something she freely chose!!

[nico-the-overlord]

I loath how one of my teachers handles grading and time allotted for assignments it is killing me slowly

[evilminji]

You know? I kinda wonder...

In a Self Insert type scenario, in Star Wars?

They would be MUCH more open to listening to "buddy, a storm's comin'" type warnings. Their Cannon knowledge, even if spotty, would probably echo with the Force and draw its attention to them somewhat. Because they KNOW.

KNOW what is going to happen. Not guess. Not assume. KNOW. Like the Force does. And that? Coupled with their inherent strangeness? Would make them the oddly colored duck of the flock, as it were. Not Super Important... buuuut? Easy to spot.

One of the Force's Blorbos.

Just cause, really. Cause they look funny. The Force doesn't even have a plan for um! But they turned up, ate the Force's food, and look at their wittle faaaace~☆! So it's keeping them. You know... assuming they survive.

Which?

Brings me to my point?

Since they LISTEN? The Force probably chatters like a mofo. Since a Self Insert would be anxious and constantly ASKING for wisdom. For help. A friend. Guidance of any kind. The Force would be draped around them like a particularly pleased with itself shoulder cat. A hovering backseat driver.

Because you DO keep asking, after all.

It's like muscle memory. Building strength. Not... not GREAT, in all actuality? Because Self Insert is avoiding making their OWN choices, probably out of fear? But on the OTHER hand? Both of them KNOW that there is literally a Sith Master like... less then 5 minutes away from where they live. Constantly.

And they are a Youngling.

So???

At What Point?? Does the Force? Engage "Fuck it, we take our baby and run" protocols?

Just? FULL ON "you stop midway through making your dinner, turn off the soup, pick up your kids, leave the house, and NEVER LOOK BACK". Because? Yes. The Jedi KNIGHTS and MASTERS may have vows to try and protect the people of the Republic?

BUT THE YOUNGLINGS DO NOT.

They, in fact, need to be PROTECTED.

And if the Force itself? Says "if you stay here, they WILL die."? You gotta go. Hopefully? You have enough warning to like... pack a ship. But, ya might NOT. Might just be "aaaand, everybody put down your pads! Suprise field trip to Anywhere Else! IMMEDIATELY. Single file, younglings. No running!" Like?

What would you do?

I kinda wanna see it.

Just this somber, vaguely haunted, crechling walking up to import figures like Madam Nu and Yoda going "if I tell you The Force told me we have to take the younglings, ALL OF THEM, and any history we think is worth preserving, and LEAVE... would you listen? Or would you let us die here?" With their tiny lil face and to serious expression.

Like a prophet of Doom.

And WHERE? Exactly? Are they supposed to go? Oh, simple. They are to Trust In The Force. And let it guide them. Out IN THE UNKNOWN REGIONS of wild space! Because THATS fine! Is this a joke?

No.

No the youngling is dead serious. Terrifyingly serious. Has been studying how to pilot a shop like they will have to do so THEMSELF. Asking questions that paint a concerning portrait of a child that fully intends to take their peers on this journey, with or without them.

And the Force? The Force says they MUST. That it is impossibly important they DO.

WELL THEN....

Do they... TELL anybody?

No. Not a single soul. Specifically, not a single soul In The Senate. Ah. Concerning! Guess we're? "Losing" a ship in the war? Oh dear. Such casualties. All those lives. Oh noooooo, and such and so forth. UNRELATED note! It's been FAR too long since this temple was cleaned! Unacceptable. You, random clones definitely not assigned to that ship we definitely just lost! Help us... clean!

Just?

The power of "fuck it, we took our ball and went home/left"? Should be USED more in fics. The Force TOTALLY knows where some sweet, sweet habitable planets are. You'll NEVER fuckin find them if they don't want you too! An entire temple of Jedi asking for the SAME thing? Versus a crusty lil shit?

They asked first. And nicely!

With THIS, balance is maintained. Not through FORCE. But through walking away for a bit. Allowing OTHERS to decide if this is what THEY want for themselves. Order 66 may or may not still happen? But? At most? All you would kill is the current fighting adults. Not the teachers. Not the elders. And CERTAINLY not the young.

They? Are far away. Where the Force is still clear and the light is strong. Growing up. Reflecting on what went wrong. Farming. Building a new temple with the Clones. You know, the ones who didn't have their comms. Never GOT that dreaded order. Get to live free men on a peaceful planet.

Cause historically? You send your kids AWAY from active wars zones. Places that are priority targets for your enemies. And if the Force itself is saying "move the babies"? Welp! Guess you gotta move um, don't ya? It's scary. Uncertain.

But it is an act of faith.

And I just? Wanna see Sith's plans just COMPLETELY fuckin implode? Because they could not plan for Faith. For Trust and Community and Hope. All the things they believe so trite. So worthless. The very things that would lead grown adults, POWERFUL PEOPLE, to actually? LISTEN to a mere youngling. Then follow their lead.

It would be?

Inconceivable to them.

@legitimatesatanspawn @babbling-babull @hypewinter @babbling-babull @hdgnj @starwarsblr @starwars

[ineffectualbookseller]

The way Azirphale is underestimated and practically infantalized by heaven is so closely tied to his femininity and I think we should talk about it more because I just want to shout about how relatable the way he's treated in his workplace is as a woman working in a traditionally male field

It's in all the little niggling comments from your boss about personal things that hold no bearing on your work

and the assumption that what you're doing must be simple if it was assigned to you

your work is trivialized

and you get these the placating smiles when you're told plans and proposals are rejected and passed over

or when your complaints are dismissed

and you get more of the same from upper management

it all feels so frustrating and draining but you're at work so all you can do is take a breathe put on that mask and move on with your day

It is all so deteimental to your emotional well being and textually, so much of this is tied to Aziraphale's softness, his gayness - his femininity

The thing about working in an environment and gives you this feeling - of being simultaneously destrought watching your belief in yourself get chipped away but also just so irate becuase you know you don't deserve it - is how it builds. It sinks under your skin and feeds into this indignant dejection until you can have a moment of release - but Azirphale doesn't get to bitch about it over drinks with friends, he doesn't get a lunch break where he can go for a walk and listen to an angry scandi death metal playlist, he doesn't even get the chance to cry about it in the bathroom for 5 minutes before confronting it again

(And I talked a little bit about it in the tags of this beautiful photoset but this all comes into play whenever Crowley dismisses his plans or calls him an idiot. These are purely emotional reactions; I really don't think Crowley means much by it - he respects Aziraphale's opinion and genuinely thinks he's brilliant - but Crowley is so quick to use this terminology when Aziraphale is making a decision Crowley thinks is wrong and he doesn't know how much this hurts Aziraphale. Just like Aziraphale doesn't understand the true impact the Fall had on Crowley, Crowley doesn't understand the ways heaven has been tearing away at Aziraphale's self worth)

Aziraphale has been facing this constant drip of denigration since before the beginning of time and has never released the pressure valve. At this point, he's a bomb waiting to go off

[fuzzyautumninmetal]

Little Thief

After like 5 months I've finally found time to write.

I'm aware there is very little Spanish in this but my only way of translation is google and If I'm correct it isn't very reliable.

Anywayyy I hope y'all enjoy

(This is just smut with a small plot)

You were the tech analyst for the Task Force 141, or as you call yourself 'The Tech Gal', you had been assigned to work for Los Vaqueros for a few months and it was a breath of fresh air. You struck up a friendship with Rudy and one night while you were drinking he dared you to do something people would claim extremely stupid. He dared you to steal the colonel's clothes.

"I don't know why everyone is so scared of Alejandro" you said while taking a sip of your drink, Rudy laughed "Have you not heard him when he's pissed off". You shrugged "I think it's sexy....Look that man could tell me to dress up as a clown in Spanish and I'd obey" you admitted and that made Rudy laugh "Okay I dare you to steal his clothes, let's see how 'sexy' he is then" he sipped his drink not thinking you would accept. "Price is my Captain. Ghost is my Lieutenant. Nothing scares me" you laughed back "I'll do it I'm not a pussy" you both shook on it and all you had to do was wait for the right time.

It's been a few days since Rudy's dare but you were waiting for the right time and when you saw Alejandro go to the showers you knew this was your chance.

You carefully and quietly sneaked into the guys shower room, you may have been the tech analyst but Ghost had shown you a few things, you saw that Alejandro was preoccupied. Perfect you smirked to yourself as you tiptoed towards his locker before taking his clothes.

You should of gone to straight to Rudy but you wanted to hear his reaction so you hid in one of the stalls with his clothes in hand.

"HIJO DE PUTA-" you heard him curse along with a loud bang from him slamming his locker door. You couldn't help but laugh, giving away your hiding spot.

The sound of heavy footsteps draws closer, and suddenly. Alejandro's massive frame is looming over you. His muscular arms crossed over his chest, his dark eyes narrowed into slices as he stares down at you "So, you think this is funny?"

You tried to look serious but couldn't "Yes. Yes I do" you looked up at his unamused face "And also stupid. Look Rudy dared me to do it because I said I wasn't scared of you"

Alejandro's eyebrows raises in disbelief, his expression shifting from anger to amused curiosity. "So, you've been dared by Rudy to steal my clothes? And you actually thought you could get away with it?"

"Yes" you looked towards the door and then back at Alejandro trying to think of an escape plan. Alejandro chuckled deeply, shaking his head in disbelief. He reaches out and grabs your chin, forcing you to look him in the eyes "You know, I could make this difficult for you. But instead, I'll give you a choice".

You looked at him innocently "I'm listening". His grip on your chin tightens ever so slightly, his gaze boring into yours "You can go to Rudy and tell him you couldn't go through with his little dare. Or... You can spend some time with me, and I promise to make it worth your while. "I-i" you were shocked at his response.

Seeing you surprised, Alejandro smirks, releasing his grip on your chin "What's the matter little thief? Didn't expect me to be so generous? Or perhaps you like the idea of spending time with me?"

Oh you would absolutely love to spend time with him but you was a kinky little whore who had a better idea. "Or you could let me go with your clothes, I tell Rudy it was a success and everyone thinks I'm mad for pissing you off" you smirked "Then, at any point, you take me by surprise and punish me for today."

His smirk fades, replaced by a look of amusement "You're full of surprises, aren't you?" he thought for a moment. "Very well. Take my things and go. But remember, I'll be watching you". You took his clothes and walked to the door before stopping "You can punish me in any way you want and I can't say no" and left to find Rudy.

As you made your escape, Alejandro can't help but shake his head with a mix of admiration and amusement. His mind is already planning out the ways he'll make you pay for your audacity... and the countless ways he'll enjoy it.

You found Rudy in the cafeteria and held Alejandro's clothes up for him to see. "You actually did it?" Rudy asked and you nodded while sitting down "Told you I wasn't a pussy".

"You better beware, little thief. I've got quite the taste for adventure now..." Alejandro mutters to himself as he walks away from the locker room, already plotting his revenge and anticipating the thrill of the chase.

It had been 3 days since you stole Alejandro's stuff and yet he hasn't done anything. That's the part that excites you the most.

The sound of footsteps echoed through the halls, drawing closer to your location. Alejandro's eyes darkened with anticipation as he rounded the corner, spotting you engrossed in your workout. With a sinister smirk playing at his lips, he approached slowly.

He stopped just inches from where you were sitting, his towering figure casting an ominous shadow over you. He leaned down slightly, his voice low and threatening. "Well, well... looks like our little thief is all alone." "For now" you smirked.

Alejandro's eyes narrowed at your defiant tone, but a slow smile crept across his face. He leaned in even closer, his breath warm against your ear. "You're playing with fire, little thief. And I plan on making sure you get burned." 

"You'll have to catch me first. and I'm fast" you made a run for it. It caught Alejandro by surprise.

With a growl of frustration, Alejandro sprinted after you, his muscular frame moving with surprising agility. He caught up to you in no time, grabbing your wrist roughly and spinning you around to face him. "You think you can escape me?" 

"Yes" you stepped onto his foot and ran off again. Everyone was either cheering for you or praying for you're safety. You turned to see a very pissed off Colonel behind you.

As you ran, Alejandro let out a grunt of pain from your sudden move but quickly regained his balance. His anger only fuelled his pursuit as he chased after you once again. This time, he was even more determined to catch you. 

You were running around the base endlessly trying to find a place to hide. You looked to see that you was free from Alejandro for a moment so you went into the first room you came across and hid. 

As Alejandro caught his breath, he realised that you had vanished from sight.  His mind raced as he tried to think as to where you could of gone. The door near him was slightly open, a mischievous grin spread across his face - you had led him straight to his own bedroom.

You quickly hid under the bed in the room and steadied your breathing to the point it sounded like you wasn't breathing. 

Slowly, Alejandro approached the door to his bedroom, his heart pounding with anticipation. He paused for a moment, wondering if this was really happening. With a sigh, he pushed open the door and stepped inside, his eyes scanning the room for any sign on you. 

You saw his feet and froze, the longer you stayed away from him the worse your punishment would be. That's exactly what you wanted. 

Alejandro noticed your footprints on the floor, leading straight to his bed. A mischievous smile crossed his face. He knelt down, grabbing the edge of the bed and lifted it up slowly. 

You saw the bed lift up slowly and looked up to see him smirking, you grinned sheepishly before trying to get away but he was ready for you this time. 

As you tried to crawl away Alejandro grabbed your ankle, pulling you back to him. He stood up, towering over you once again, his eyes filled with a mixture of anger and amusement. "You really thought you could outsmart me?"

"I mean I kinda did" you stood up, brushing the dust off your clothes. Alejandro put his hand on your waist and chuckled darkly, his grip tightening slightly. "Oh, you may have gotten away for a little while, but now it's time for your punishment"

You leaned back a little, bringing the back of your hand to your forehead "Oh what am I ever going to do" Alejandro's eyes flashed with lust as he pulled you closer to him, his other hand reaching down to grab your waist. "You're going to learn your lesson, little thief. And trust me, you'll enjoy every second of it"

You brought your face up to his ear and whispered "Oh I don't doubt it". His lips curled into a smirk as he continued to hold you captive with his gaze. Slowly, he lowered himself onto the bed, pulling you on top of him. "You're such a naughty girl hiding from me"

You put your hands of his chest "Oh what are you going to do to me Colonel?" With a mischievous glint in his eyes, Alejandro began to explore your body with his hands, tracing patterns on your skin that made you shiver with anticipation. "Oh, I think I'll do more than just punish you, little thief"

You brought your hands to his waist and push yourself up from his chest "a deal is a deal. You caught me so you can punish me however you want". Alejandro grinned triumphantly as he listened to your words, delighted by your boldness. He leaned in close, his lips brushing against your lips as he whispered "Don't worry, I fully intend to take full advantage of that"

You bit your lip not realising what you have gotten yourself into and that made Alejandro chuckle softly, his warm breath tickling your lips as his continued to tease you with subtle touches. "You're such a tempting little thing" he murmured. "I think I'm going to have a lot of fun breaking you in"

You decided to be a brat one more time, when he walked into the room you noticed he left to door ajar slightly, now he was distracted you made a run for it once again. 

You could hear Alejandro's frustrated growl as you made your escape. "Damn it, little thief! Come back here!" He quickly gave chase, his footsteps thundering the corridor as he persuaded you relentlessly.

"No" you laughed. You passed Rudy as he shouted "I'll see you at your funeral". Alejandro's eyes flashed with anger as he chased you through the halls. He caught up to you just as you turned a corner, grabbing onto your arm roughly to stop your escape. "You think this is funny?"

"Oh I think it's fucking hilarious making you work for it" you twisted his arm slightly so he would let you go and ran for it. 

"Fucking tease" he muttered under his breath as he followed after you once again. He was beginning to lose patience, and the look in his eyes showed that he wouldn't be stopping until he had caught up with you. "I swear, If I catch you..."

You looked at your watch "What's that? Sorry It's home time" you smirked before running to your car. Since there wasn't any room for you on base, Laswell manage to find a temporary home for you while you were in Las Almas. 

Alejandro's eyes narrowed as he watched you run to your car, his mind already planning his next move. With a determined stride, he headed towards his own vehicle - a sleek black sports car that matched his dominant personality.

You laughed as you drove home, this was the most fun you've had in years. You were safe for one more day you thought to yourself completely oblivious of Alejandro's plan. 

As he drove, he couldn't help but feel a mixture of frustration and arousal. He hated being toyed with, but there was something about the chase that turned him on. His mind was racing with thoughts of what he would do to you once he finally caught you. 

Once you got home you had a shower and change into some comfy clothes before getting on with some chores around the house. 

Alejandro was waiting for you outside your house, leaning casually against his car with his arms crossed over his broad chest. He watched you walk around your house, a smirk playing against the corners of his lips. 

As you changed into something more comfortable, Alejandro's mind wandered to the tantalizing image of you naked. His body was tense with anticipation as he imagined how you would look underneath him. He couldn't wait any longer and decided to make his move.  

You were in your bedroom putting some clothes away but the squeak of a door caught your attention, you looked outside your bedroom window and saw his car. Alejandro had followed you home.

Alejandro's heart raced with excitement. He quickly moved towards your room, his footsteps silent on the hardwood floors. As he reached your bedroom door, he took a deep breath to steady his nerves before pushing it open slowly. He expected you to be in your bedroom but you wasn't, you hid from him again.

Alejandro's eyes scanned the room, searching for any sign of you. His mind was filled with possibilities of where you could be hiding. He knew he wouldn't rest until he found you.

You giggled from your closet, you knew this was one of the most obvious places to hide but you decided it was time to endure your punishment once he found you.

The sound of your giggles echoed through your bedroom, guiding Alejandro straight to the closet. His eyes narrowed as he slowly opened the door, revealing your smiling face peering back at him. He stepped forward, his body closing in on yours as he finally had you cornered.

You held your hands up "You caught me, I won't run this time I promise"

"Good," Alejandro growled, his voice low and threatening. He grabbed your wrists, pulling you out of the closet and pinning you against the wall. His body was pressed against yours, his hard cock straining against his pants as he dominated you completely.

Alejandro's grip on your wrists tightened, causing you to gasp in surprise. His eyes bored into yours, a mix of lust and dominance in their depths. "I'm going to punish you for running from me"

"Good" was all you said. A dark chuckle escaped Alejandro's lips as he leaned in, his breath hot against your ear. "You're going to beg for it," he whispered, before capturing your lips in a rough, possessive kiss.

You pulled away "Oh but Colonel. I don't beg" you were playing with fire here but it was exciting not knowing what was going to happen next.

Alejandro's eyes flashed with amusement at your boldness. "We'll see about that," he growled, his hand moving to grip the hem of your shirt roughly. He tore it apart easily, revealing your smooth skin beneath.

You didn't move, you didn't cover yourself. Instead you decide to play with your nipples to see how he'd react.

Alejandro's eyes darkened further as he watched you play with your nipples. His mouth watered at the sight of them hardening under his gaze. "You're a tease," he murmured, leaning in to capture one of your hardened peaks between his lips.

You bit your lip as as he suck one nipple and you played with the other. Alejandro moaned against your skin, the taste of you sending a jolt of pleasure through his body. His hand moved to your other nipple, giving it equal attention as he continued to dominate you. "I'll make you beg,"

You cupped his face and brought it to yours "I'd like to see you try" you kissed his neck before biting into it. 

Alejandro's eyes closed tightly in a mix of pleasure and pain as you bit him. His hips began to grind against you, their movement mirroring the desire he felt for you. "Fuck," he groaned, his hand moving to squeeze your ass roughly.

With one strong arm, Alejandro picked you up and tossed you onto the bed. He followed you down, his large muscular body looming over yours. His hands moved to tug at your shorts and panties, desperate to get them off you.

"Someone's desperate" you smirked.

"You have no idea," Alejandro growled, his voice low and rough. He finally managed to pull your panties off, revealing your wet folds to him. His tongue darted out to taste you, lapping at your entrance like a hungry animal.

Alejandro's sudden intrusion caused you to cry out in surprise "Oh fuck". He thrust his tongue deeper, using it to stroke and tease your sensitive nerves. You couldn't help but squirm underneath him, your body aching for more.

You gripped on his raven hair and teased "This isn't much of a punishment"

Alejandro's eyes met yours, full of lust and amusement. "Oh, it's just beginning," he promised before pulling away from you. He positioned himself at your entrance, his hard cock pressing against you through his pants.

You sat up and started palming his cock through his pants but he pulled your hands away.

"No," he growled, capturing your wrists in his strong grip. "Not yet." He pushed you back onto the bed, his body following after. With one swift movement, he pulled off his pants, revealing his large, throbbing cock to you.

You looked at his cock with wide eyes, you had a feeling his was big but you never thought he'd be that big. Alejandro's eyes glinted with satisfaction at your surprise. "Do you like what you see?" he asked, stroking his cock lazily. You could only nod in reply, unable to tear your eyes away from the sight of him.

He smirked before bringing his fingers towards your wet folds, "you won't cum unless I say you can. Do you understand?" he asked and you nodded.

Alejandro's fingers plunged deep into your folds, searching for your sensitive spots. He rubbed circles around your clit, increasing the intensity of the pleasure he was giving you. "Such a good girl," he murmured, his voice thick with approval.

You moaned while bringing your hands down and started playing with you nipples again. At the sound of your moan, Alejandro's fingers worked faster, stroking and pinching your clit with precision. He watched as you arched your back, pushing your breasts further into his view. "So fucking beautiful,"

You wanted to come so badly but you couldn't. Not without Alejandro's permission but you weren't going to beg for it.

Alejandro could sense your desire to climax, but you needed to beg him if you wanted to cum. He continued his assault on your sensitive areas, increasing the speed of his fingers. "You're so close, aren't you?" he asked, his voice dripping with anticipation.

"Y-yes" you chocked out. "Tell me," he commanded, his other hand reaching up to pinch one of your nipples hard. "Beg me." "Never" you said through your teeth. You've never begged a man for something in your life

"Oh little thief, you will," Alejandro promised, leaning down to take one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking hard. He increased the pressure on your clit, causing a wave of pleasure that threatened to overwhelm you. "Beg me."

"N-no. I won't beg"

Alejandro smirked at your resistance. "I love a challenge," he murmured, circling your clit with his thumb while pinching your other nipple between his teeth. He sped up, practically abusing your pussy with his fingers, you started to cry "God yes".

Alejandro's eyes glinted with malicious delight at your cries. "That's it," he murmured hoarsely, his fingers working magic within you. With another forceful thrust, he pushed two fingers deep into your wet core, hitting your G-spot perfectly. 

You looked at him, pleading him to let you cum but his dark chuckle made you realise he doesn't care "Unless you beg you can cum mi amore." 

Alejandro's fingers curled inside you, his grip tightening as he stroked and pressed against your most sensitive spot. You could feel your orgasm building, the intensity of it unlike anything you'd ever experienced before. "Beg me," he commanded once more.

You caved in, for the first time in your life you begged "F-fine. Please let me cum please"

The moment you begged, Alejandro increased the pressure on your clit and G-spot, pushing you over the edge. Your orgasm crashed down on you like a wave, leaving you gasping and shuddering in its wake. "Mi amore,"

It was so intense, you had never experienced anything like this before

As you rode out your orgasm on his hand, Alejandro slowed his movements, his fingers gently tracing inside you as your body trembled and spasmed. With a soft grunt, he withdrew his fingers, bringing them to his mouth and licking them clean with a satisfied smirk. 

You're breathing was heavy but you knew this was just the beginning. "I always get what I want, mi amore" Alejandro whispered, his voice low and husky. He leaned down to capture your lips in a deep, passionate kiss, his tongue delving into your mouth as he claimed you completely.

You cupped his face and rolled over so you was on top of him. Alejandro flipped you over onto your back, pinning your wrists above your head as he gazed down at you with hungry eyes. He allowed himself a moment to appreciate the sight of your body beneath him, before leaning down to suck and bite on the sensitive skin just below your ear.

You locked your legs around his waist and tried to pull him down but he wasn't budging. You didn't deserved to get fucked yet

"So desperate little thief," Alejandro smirked, his voice rough with desire. He kissed his way down your jawline, trailing gentle bites along the way, until he reached your neck. "You need to beg for it." Alejandro got a kick out of your hatred for begging.

He carried on kissing down your body until his face was between your legs. With a smirk, Alejandro trailed his tongue along the soft flesh of your inner thighs, causing you to shiver in anticipation. He parted your legs wider, revealing your wetness to him as he leaned forward to take one swollen bud between his lips.

You arched your back in pleasure "Oh Alejandro". The sound of his name coming out of your mouth made him feral. You sounded so sweet, so innocent. He started sucking and slurping. He ate you out like a starved man.

Feeling your body tense and tremble beneath him, Alejandro knew you were close. He increased the pressure on your clit, pushing you over the edge as he felt you climax on his mouth. You moaned so loudly you wouldn't be surprised if you got a complaint from your neighbours but you didn't care.

Chuckling softly, Alejandro relished in your cries of pleasure as he savoured the taste of you on his tongue. He continued to stroke your inner walls with his fingers, milking every drop of pleasure from your body as he pressed a kiss to your swollen, sensitive clit.

He came up and kissed you. He wanted you to taste yourself on his lips. Alejandro smirked against your lips, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Mmm, you taste delicious," he murmured before leaning in to capture your lips in another deep, passionate kiss.

The kiss didn't last long as he soon had his hand around your throat. With a growl of desire, Alejandro pushed you back onto the bed, his hand still wrapped around your throat as he hovered over you. "Now beg," he commanded, his voice low and threatening.

"Ple- Please fuck me" you begged and it was like music to his ears. "That's it," Alejandro rasped, his eyes dark with lust. He lowered his body onto yours, guiding his thick cock towards your wet entrance. With a forceful thrust, he impaled himself inside you, filling you up completely.

"You're too big" you cried. "That's a shame" Alejandro growled, pulling out slightly before slamming back in again "If you hadn't ran away from me earlier" he pulled out and slammed back into you. "Maybe I would of eased you onto my cock" he pulled out completely before slamming back into you harder.

His pace quickening, he took you roughly, your protests turning into moans of pleasure as he hit deep inside you with each powerful stroke.

Alejandro's hand around your throat tightened in tandem with his thrusts, the rough treatment heightening both of your senses. His other hand found its way between your legs, fingers once again finding their rhythm as they teased and massaged your swollen clit.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck" you was becoming a blabbering mess. Alejandro's thrusts became more erratic, his body tensing as he neared his own climax. "That's it, beg for me," he demanded, his voice laced with lust and dominance.

"N-no" you smiled, you was still trying to test Alejandro's patience. "What was that?" Alejandro snapped, pulling out almost completely before plunging back in with renewed force. His hand around your throat tightened even more, cutting off your air supply momentarily as he took you roughly and without mercy.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you screamed his name.

"That's it, call out my name," Alejandro growled, taking you deeper than ever before. Your scream echoed through the room, the sound of his name on your lips driving him wild with desire. "God please let me cum" you caved in again and begged.

"Not yet," Alejandro said, pulling out almost completely again before thrusting back in with a force that sent waves of pleasure through your body. His other hand left your throat to grab your hair, using it as leverage to pull your head back and expose your neck even more.

Alejandro's mouth descended on your neck, his lips and teeth leaving a trail of bruises and kisses as he marked you as his own. His hips pumped hard and fast, driving deeper into you with each powerful stroke. "You're mine,"

"I'm yours, I promise" you clawed at his back, you needed to grab something. Anything. "Yes," Alejandro hissed, lifting your legs up and around his waist. He grabbed your hips and held you tight as he plunged into you with a force that made you cry out.

"Alejandro"

"That's right, say my name," Alejandro demanded, his thrusts becoming even more intense. He leaned down to capture your lips in a bruising kiss, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth as he continued to claim you completely.

"Please" you whispered

"Please what?" Alejandro asked, his eyes were wild and his breathing ragged as he looked down at you with an intensity that made your heart race. "Please let me cum" you cried.

Alejandro growled low in his throat, a sound of pure male satisfaction. His hands gripped your hips tighter as he began to thrust harder and faster. "Cum for me," he commanded, his cock hitting your sweet spot over and over again.

You was finally allowed to orgasm.

Alejandro's hips bucked wildly as he felt you cum around him. He groaned deeply, his own orgasm hitting him hard and fast. His cock throbbed inside of you as he released himself completely, filling you up with his hot seed. "Fuck,"

You both held onto each other as you both rode out your orgasms. Alejandro held onto you tightly, his body trembling with the force of his release. He pressed a kiss to your forehead before pulling out of you, his still hard cock slipping out with a wet slide.

You laid there, all sweaty and a blabbering mess. Alejandro chuckled softly, his eyes roaming over your flushed skin. "You're a mess," he said teasingly, reaching down to run his fingers through your hair. He leaned in close again, nuzzling his nose against yours. 

"Are you okay?" Alejandro asked and you nodded your head lazily. With a satisfied grin he pulled you up and into his arms, holding you close against his chest. "I should start stealing your stuff more often" you chuckled.

"You'd better not," Alejandro said, a hint of playfulness in his voice. "Or else I might have to punish you again." He nipped gently at your earlobe before kissing it softly. "I'm okay with that" you smiled.

"Very well," Alejandro said, grinning widely. He claimed your lips in a passionate kiss before breaking away to murmur against your lips, "But you might not be able to walk straight for days." You playfully smacked his arm "then you can explain to everyone back at base why I'm not in"

Alejandro chuckled, his eyes dark with desire. "Oh, I'll make sure to take full responsibility for your condition." "Deal" you kissed him.

Alejandro deepened the kiss, his tongue tangling with yours in a sensual dance. His grip on your lower back tightened, pulling you closer to him as his passion grew. He broke the kiss, looking into your eyes with hunger. "We should do this again sometime,"

"But not now" You laid down and pulled him with you, "Right now I just want to sleep" you giggled.

"Very well, sleep tight little thief" Alejandro said, his voice husky with desire. He lay down beside you, spooning you from behind. 

[absentwriterdoll]

896

C:"896, signal lost."

...

W:"896, still active."

C:"896, copy."

I can feel the hydraulics straining as I push against the controls.

As ever, if the reactor is still intact, it's not a confirmed kill.

The display shifts from dirt to the horizon.

Tracers streak across the sky.

H:[Warning. Internal bleeding detected.]

I can feel as much.

I scan my HUD.

Right side, lost. Left shoulder, depleted. Left arm at 35%. Left hip at 10%. Point defense at 20%, 45%, 30%, 10% respectively.

I sigh.

It hurts.

Even if I wanted to, there's not much more that I can do.

W:"896, munitions depleted, heavy damage sustained. Requesting permission to withdraw."

C:"896, granted."

W:"Harry, plot a course home."

H:[Acknowledged.]

I notice my point defense lighting up at far-off infantry.

I swap them to critical only. With this damage, I'll need the cover in case another mech realizes I'm still alive.

H:[Course plotted.]

W:"Send it."

I feel my legs shift under me - but I keep my eyes on the horizon, my weapons pointed toward the enemy battleline. A wounded mech is always a primary target.

Two missiles streak out from the infantry I saw earlier - nothing my point defense can't handle. Though, for good measure, I send a few rounds their way.

Everything hurts.

H:[Administering stimulant.]

A sharp sting in my neck - just a prelude to the pain lessening.

At least, in a minute or two, anyway.

Part of me wonders how much I could leave to the onboard AI. It already calculates most of the firing solutions.

My role is just selecting a target and pulling the trigger.

But it always has to be a human pulling a trigger.

Otherwise...

It becomes a question of when the AI starts deciding who is worth pulling the trigger on.

Can't let it start deciding who lives and who dies.

Best case scenario, it turns on its makers.

Worst case scenario, things devolve into a forever war.

…

Who’s to say that this isn’t a forever war already.

A mech raises itself on the horizon.

And I begin loosing rounds downrange.

My missing mass causes most of my fire to go wide initially.

A series of flashes.

And I react.

A round strikes me - but it’s off center.

Better than the alternative.

But my left hip doesn’t respond. I’m nearly defenseless.

W:“896, requesting support, relaying target.”

H:[Relaying target.]

It’s nearly all I can do to hope for the best.

M:“512, responding.”

H:[Radar lock detected.]

Tracers light up the mech from its side, causing it to buckle and flare - right as it looses a fusillade of missiles from one of its shoulder pods.

My point defense lights up, as does those of 512’s.

One zeroes out. I turn my hull to expose Three and Four.

Four zeroes out.

But Two and Three manage to clear the air with 512’s help.

10% and 5%.

W:“896, permission to request cover.”

C:“896, granted. Assigning 512.”

M:”512, moving to cover 896.”

W:“896, thank you.”

An unnecessary communication slips from me.

But it’s the truth.

I should be dead.

But I’m not.

C:“512, signal lost.”

In the corner of my eye, I see 512 light up - and vanish into fire.

And I see the one that did it. 

I loose rounds from my left arm - until it clacks empty.

And I hope to whatever gods may be listening that it doesn’t get back up.

Their reactor is still intact. It’s not a confirmed kill.

W:“896, relaying target, requesting kill confirm.”

A few moments pass - and then tracers streak in from afar.

Then a detonation.

L:“288, confirmed.”

W:“896, acknowledged.”

C:“288, cover 896’s retreat.”

L:“288, copy.”

In silence, I think my gratitude.

Part of me wonders if I should just withdraw on foot.

I glance at Harry’s AI core.

It would be a simple matter of-

L:“896, bogey.”

W:“896, munitions, defenses depleted, ejecting.”

H:[Radar lock detected.]

W:“Eject.”

H:[Ejecting. Give them hell.]

I pull Harry’s AI core.

And I’m launched into the air.

Tracers from the point defense flash out below me - until both remaining guns zero out. In the air, I release myself from my seat and spark my jumpjets.

Below me, my mech detonates.

On the horizon, I watch 288 engage the enemy.

288 closes with the bogey, tracers streaking between the two, maneuver jets flaring.

288 manages to get behind the bogey and tears the reactor core out - tossing it and firing a round at it before turning its attention back to the dying remains of the mech -

And slaughters the remainder.

I reach the ground.

I take a deep breath.

Thank Harry for the stimulant.

Thank 288 for the cover.

And run.

=====

Cast in order of appearance:

C - Control, the battalion’s handler. Used to be a pilot.

W - William, 896’s pilot. The most experienced pilot in the battalion.

H - Harry, 896’s AI. Leaves a copy of itself onboard when 896 ejects.

M - Maya, 512’s pilot. Relatively inexperienced. A rookie that tried to fill bigger shoes.

L - Liam, 288’s pilot. A vicious warfighter, leaving nothing to chance.

=====

Inspired by Armored Core VI and The Forever Winter.

[cuteitgirlinspos]

౨ৎ How to romanticize this school year 🎀

I know school might be tiring , boring , or even scary , so here are some ways to romanticize this school year , next school year , and all the future school years to come

౨ৎ Stretch in the morning and drink water , usually when we wake up for school most of us don’t wanna get out of our bed and are extremely tired or drained out due to either waking up early or not getting enough sleep from last night 🎀 , so it is very important to stretch doing some poses you already know or watch videos on YouTube that are abt 5 - 10 mins depending on how much time u have , drinking water is also good for your skin and fastens your metabolism it will also hydrate you in the morning which can lessen how tired you were when you woke up . 🧚🏽‍♀️

౨ৎ sleep early , I know this might be very hard for some people because of the amount of things that they have to do , but you can limit the amount of time u take to do those things and take naps or sleep around 8 - 10 MAX , sleeping around these times are more healthy than sleeping around 12 pm or 3 am in the morning , your body needs the most rest it can get to keep it going 🎀

౨ৎ Please be yourself in school , many people tend to want to fit in and change themselves bc of what other people think , what their friend group says , or even how the internet influenced them to behave , you don’t have to change your behavior / personality just to fit in a group / area , real friends / loved ones will love you the way you are 💗🎀 .

౨ৎ Don’t disrespect teachers for no reason at all please 😭😭 , many teachers don’t get paid enough for dealing with kids all day long , make sure you’re being respectful to them and being nice / positive , one way you can do that is by simply greeting them good morning everyday or saying bye to them everyday .

౨ৎ PLEASE try on your grade , obsessing over your grade isn’t good either you don’t have to be sad / mad at yourself bc you didn’t get a 100% remember that everyone isn’t perfect , although you should try and bump your grades or try to be better at the subject you’re struggling with , when teachers notice you try your best in class they most likely bump your grade or try to give u extra credit even if you got a low grade . 🎀

౨ৎ Don’t start drama for no reason , trust me it’s not worth it ; you can get in trouble and that can be draining always try and be positive if someone else is being negative , rude , or annoying ; ignore them or don’t talk to them ; don’t try to engage with bad conversations with them to also get YOU in trouble , if you’re a good student and you barley get in trouble your teachers might let you go or not pay attention to it the first or 2nd time u get in trouble . 🤗

౨ৎ I can not stretch this enough , PLEASE organize your things , being organized can make school less stressful for you since you know where all your things are ! it’s much more easier than stressing when you need a notebook / paper / or an assignment and you can’t find it , an app that can help you be organized is notion ; using notion can track your to do’s like if you finished an assignment , need help with something , and be organized in general 🎀 .

౨ৎ Don’t be nasty , most people like me don’t like to hang around people who smell bad or do disgusting things , stick to a scent that smells good ; you don’t need a bunch of perfume sprayed all over you unless you have 2 or more perfumes mixed together that smells heavenly 😋 , PLEASE use deodorant and brush your teeth TWICE a day that way you can be clean and healthy , also take a shower everyday there’s no point of missing a shower be clean . 🎀

[cards-of-rose]

study tip!! how i write essays

going from a long, intensive classical education to my current history major, i've had to write a lot of papers. at this point, i can write a 5 page paper in a few hours, and just a couple weeks ago i wrote a 20 page paper in a single day. i graduated valedictorian with this method (current cGPA of 4.0!) so i thought i'd share how i write them! grab some coffee and settle in - it'll be a long post, but i promise it'll be worth it. :)

first, the topic. if you don't have an assigned topic, pick something that fascinates you, something that you could write pages and pages about. you will. if your topic is assigned, find something in it that you find fascinating. even if you find your topic completely boring, there's always something interesting to glean from it! once you find this, you'll gain motivation, and that's half the battle.

write down a basic outline. when i say basic, i mean barebones. just a vague, 3-point general idea of what you think you might write your paper about. this will guide you in your research! you don't need to worry about writing your full outline just yet.

sources. after you have a basic list of points, it's time to find sources! if they're already assigned, you can skip this step. most of the time they aren't, though. this is the most important part of your paper. you can go to google scholar to find really good academic journals and studies!

generally, the number of sources you have depends on the length of your paper! a good guide is that your amount of sources should number half the length of your paper. so if you have a 5 page paper, 2-3 is a good way to go. if you have a 20 page paper, you'll want around 10.

evidence. skim over your sources and categorize each one under the point you made earlier. this will mean you have a quick reference guide when you're writing, so you don't have to go through a big list of sources when you're looking for evidence! under each source, put a few bullet points talking about the info that you can use for your paper.

outline. this part may seem daunting. i promise, though, it's one of the easiest parts of the paper! you may feel tempted to skip it, but having an outline makes your paper sound better and makes it easier and quicker to write. use the sources and bullet point info you used earlier to fill out your outline. start broad and general, then add details as you do your research! your outline should be about half the length of your paper. don't worry about making it super scholarly - this is just for you, so make it as informal and easy to understand as you want! be stupid, throw in memes, whatever gets it written!

every outline should include an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. i can go over the structure of an outline in another post, but remember the 3 points you thought up earlier? these will form your entire outline, and eventually your essay!

finally, write! open a blank google doc and view it side by side with your outline. once you get started, it's a lot easier to finish than you'd think, especially if you took the time to outline! this is when you can make your dumb outline into something that would make the ancient philosophers proud. don't worry about perfection. just write it as you go. you can edit it later!

quotes/evidence. once you've finished your rough draft, it's time to add the evidence! some profs want quotes, others want you to paraphrase. either way, go through your paper and put in the evidence you researched earlier. don't worry about citations just yet - just put in the link in a comment on your rough draft. it won't be hard to fix it up later.

edit!! please, please don't finish your rough draft and be done with it. you can save so many points by going over it again instead of submitting it in a rushed 3am haze. fix spelling and grammar, add citations and a reference page, edit for clarity, anything you need to make it sound like the best paper you can write! if you're proud of it by the end, you know you've done something right.

congrats, you did it!! make sure you start your paper early and don't wait till the night before - your grade will thank you <3

[fayevalcntine]

I feel like any discussion on fandom and the centering of Lestat's (or even Louis's, which this fandom does quite often) feelings towards Claudia instead of centering Claudia's feelings towards both should also involve the show's narrative and how it clearly also centers HER PARENTS' feelings about her, because she's dead. And the show only utilizes her diaries, the reflection of her own inner world, to a certain (but unfulfilled) degree because at the time when we're introduced to them, they're in the hands of one of her fathers and the man who took part in orchestrating her death.

Obviously we can call out how other fans (and frankly this entire fandom) pushes aside Claudia's own character in order to focus on the men in this show (even Daniel is defended under the guise of "respecting" her more than Louis in season 1 just because of one moment in 1.07). Or how fandom often uses her to prop them up (even with Armand when people thought he'd be "the father that stepped up" with her prior to season 2). But the narrative of the show itself can also be questioned and dissected from this perspective because the sole reason why we get so much about Louis (and to a lesser extent Lestat) from her perspective and then so little on Claudia herself in various spans of time, is because Louis is giving Daniel only parts of her inner world, diluted even further from what survived back in Paris.

Even the first episode where Claudia is introduced makes this distinction of her role in Louis's life clear! She was firstly shown to us as "his redemption", a girl he saves from a fire only to damn her for eternity. Episode 4 of season 1 then ends with him announcing that she was "his daughter", which the show then goes on to display for us in various alterations of what Claudia and her role in his life was. There's entire years' worth of time where we never get to see Claudia's inner world. Among various years' worth of time, we never know what she did beyond her horrifying assault in the 7 years she was away. We frankly didn't see enough from Claudia's perspective in the 5 years she trekked across Europe. This entire show, which is supposed to be about the various perspectives of immortal beings, only offers us one episode that is from her point of view, before then pulling her to the side in various moments (sometimes not even having her words be on-screen for several episodes) so that other men who either defined her life for her and/or abused her take the stage. And I think that discussions about fans decentering her could also benefit from mentioning how the narrative itself deliberately does that at times, too. Because she's dead. She can never have her say because she couldn't live past the roles that all the men in her life assigned her to.

[onlyjaeyun]

i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye

[dramioneasks]

Can u please recommend some full length rom-com style dramione

Random recs:

Benefits By: artemisgirl - M, one-shot - “I’m trying to make a case for why she should marry me,” Draco told him, scowling as Harry started laughing. “If I want an upgrade from ‘friends with benefits’ to 'husband with benefits'—” … When Draco Malfoy realizes that 'friends with benefits’ just isn’t enough anymore, he begins to strategize on how to get Hermione to commit to more.

Hot for Teacher - MotherofBulls - E, 26 chapters - Draco is a single dad trying to raise a teenager on his own. When he notices his son’s newfound interest in girls, he takes it upon himself to give him some fatherly advice. Little does he know that his son’s crush is none other than his own childhood nemesis, who has taken up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts. Draco tries to juggle awkward situations, parenthood, and his own budding interest in Hermione Granger. Part 1 of “This Is Everything” series. COMPLETE!

The Bargain by Lincolepog - M, 29 chapters, Words: 102,657  - Heading back to Hogwarts for his 7th year, Draco Malfoy is given a very interesting deal from Hermione Granger; to play the role of her fake boyfriend. As time goes on, they learn to get passed their differences, but is it enough? What will it cost the two of them?

Starving by CharliPetidei - E, 5 chapters - Hermione has everything figured out. Sex is like food. Club nights are far too expensive. And men belong in the category of 'things that are more faff than they're worth'. You know, like hair straightening charms, lingerie, and mathematical integration. This is a story about food and sex, though not at the same time. Winner of best fluff, best smut, and runner-up for best use of prompt in the Dramione Fanfiction Forum's 2020 'Sounds Like Dramione' comp.

Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love by isthisselfcare - E, 36 chapters, Words: 199,584 - Hermione straddles the Muggle and Magical worlds as a medical researcher and Healer about to make a big discovery. Draco is an Auror assigned to protect her from forces unknown – to both of their displeasure. Features hyper-competent, fiery Hermione and lazy, yet dangerous, Draco. Slow burn.

Bad Books and Second Looks - GracefulLioness - E, 10 chapters - Hermione has not been lucky in love. When a break-up forces her to find a new flat, she thinks she’s hit the jackpot. Until she realises that she might just be falling for her new flatmate’s boyfriend. Perhaps when Ginny lends her some of her steamy romance novels, her luck will change.

You Make Me Shiver and Shake by Stargazing121 - M, 16 chapters - Draco is an artistic genius, Hermione a budding art agent. But once they start to work together, will they be able to resist the growing attraction between them? “I’m not going to take you on as an art client!” Hermione scoffed. “Why not Granger,” he said. His tone was silky, like the sound of fine cloth running through your hands. “You know there has always been something between us.” “That won’t work on me,” she answered flatly. “Ok, I admit that was pushing it.” He shrugged, “But pushing against beautiful women is what I do best Granger.” “Not that either.” “Damn it, I forgot that trying to flirt with you was like flirting with a slug. Actually, I think I’d get more luck with the slug.” “You’d make a lovely couple. You’re certainly as slippery,” Hermione said. “I can think of someone I would rather form a partnership with,” he said, his voice low and almost a whisper.

Clueless - jacemorgensterns - T, one-shot - Draco is a college student living in an apartment with his roommate Theo. He occasionally gets into trouble and always gets away with it. When his luck is threatening to turn on him Hermione comes to to the rescue and an agreement between them forms that eventually spirals out of control. A Dramione romcom AU with as many romcom tropes I could fit in from Draco’s point of view. One-shot.

Fate Has It In For Me by jigglyjelly28 - T, 39 chapters, Words: 196,573 - “Seeing as you two have driven me half-mad over these few months with your Veela heritage problem, I thought that it would be perhaps, in Pureblood politeness, that you at least give a suitable explanation of what you’ve been doing.” Draco was told he was a Veela years ago but forgot. He’s been told again and has a year to find his Mate.

Accidental Proposal - CJRed - M, 36 chapters, Words: 108,673 - Hermione finds out that she is really a Nott, and there are so many rules to being a Pureblood, too bad Draco Malfoy seems to have forgotten one of the most important rules of all! Hermione/Draco. Theo and Hermione are siblings. Ignores epilogue and off canon in some other places as well. Set in 8th year. Language, Fluff, and Lemons. Complete.

-Lisa

[st0rmyskies]

Alone, Fear, Future, Guilt, and Secret for my main blorbo Wars

If you’re only in the mood for a couple I’ve highlighted my biggest asks 👀💕

Mwah mwah mwah 🐹

alone

Warriors does NOT deal well with being alone. He's thrilled to live in a house full of eight other people where the potential for him being truly alone at any given time is incredibly low. He can only last two, maybe three hours before needing to seek out some sort of outside influence, be that bothering a roommate or heading out to buy something and interact with a salesperson.

When there's no one around to see him and vice versa, Warriors sort of goes into low-power mode. He doesn't emote very much, he languishes on furniture and stares at the television or his phone, and sighs a lot. Being alone is also when he's at his most dangerous, likely cooking up something to surprise or annoy a friend or loved one as soon as he sees them again.

fear

Externally, War's biggest fear is aging. Getting old. Getting wrinkles, gray hairs, bags under his eyes, those lines around his mouth. Liver spots. When confronted with signs of aging he's the first to buy 3 to 5 new products and spend a day or two in the bathroom panicking.

Internally, this is rooted in a fear of becoming irrelevant in the lives of those he loves, or of being forgotten.

future

As much as he would never admit it to himself or to anyone else, Warriors is very much a product of his relationship with his family. He enjoyed being a cherished son up until a certain point in his life at which he had a major falling-out with his parents--mostly his father--that resulted in him being unwelcome in his own home for a long period of time. Because of this, he tends to form strong relationships, even if they are one-sided, and to assign a lot of his self-worth to those relationships.

The worse possible future for him would be partnering with someone who doesn't really care about him, or who sees him as a means to an end. Wars has a hard time pulling himself out of toxic relationships. That's a situation he could wallow in for years or even decades before realizing how sick it makes him. He is not consciously aware that this is a possible trap for him to fall into, as we all really hope for the best for ourselves in such situations, don't we?

Did he take steps to avoid such an outcome? No, Wars really just got lucky.

guilt

Warriors carries a LOT of guilt, believe it or not, when it comes to Champion. Is this a spoiler? It might be a spoiler.

In the Guard, Warriors was selected from among the recruits in his class for a leadership training program. His commanding officers saw the potential in him for being a great strategist. They all went through the same grueling physical training, but just like Sky taking a specialized route to become a pilot, Warriors was pulled from their coursework to undergo more rigorous mental exercises.

The Guardian Project may have been Flora's pet project to get more into Sheikah tech, but the concept was something that Warriors had drawn up early on in his own training.

There was initially some animosity there between him and Champion, especially when Champion was selected to be more intimately involved in the project, but why should Warriors feel jealous? His role was to invent and to command, or so he was told by his superiors.

Too bad for Warriors, he also had a strong personal work ethic of feeling responsible for those he was meant to oversee. So when Champion got hurt, Warriors actually got pretty torn up about it.

secret

Warriors has a lot of things that we don't know about him just yet, a few of which are outlined above. Here's another, just for fun: he has a sister with whom he had a very strong relationship growing up, although current life circumstances have really gotten in the way of their relationship.

It's probably for the best, though, because when the two of them get together, they can be downright treacherous.

[to-be-a-dreamer]

Session 5 Trivia "Winner" & Related Stats

Keep reading for the scoring explanation!

Okay so it took me a week because I got sick literally the day Episode 5 dropped and I've been fighting for my life (metaphorically) for the past week but I finally got the Trivia Week stats added to the Wild Life Spreadsheet! (It's also been updated weekly since my last post about it after episode 3, there's just been nothing super interesting since then) Obligatory, I think I got everything right but if I've missed anything or made any mistakes just let me know!

So basically what I did was tally up everyone's scores and then I weighted each correct answer based on the assigned difficulty. So a correct easy question would be worth 1 point, a medium is 2, and a hard is 3. That resulted in the following Top 5 ranking (full ranking visible in the spreadsheet):

BUT some players received more questions or more difficult questions than others, so I also put together a "normalized" ranking system that gives each player a score out of 100 based on the number of questions they received (this should also help a bit if I missed anything during my data collection but please do let me know if I missed a question, specifically for Jimmy, Lizzie, or Tango). Basically how this worked is that I calculated the maximum points each player could get from the questions they were given and used that to create a "difficulty rating" out of 100. I then took the actual amount of points they received and scaled it based on their difficulty rating. I don't know if y'all can see the formulas I used in the Google Sheet but lmk if anyone wants a deep dive into this method! I've only had like a semester and a half of statistics so this may not be a super mathematically sound method but it's the most fair one I could come up with.

Anyways: this normalized scoring system resulted in the graph you saw at the top of the post and a Top 5 ranking of:

Note: Impulse and Tango are tied at EXACTLY 55.555... points each and I don't know how they managed that, but Joel is about 0.136 points higher than Pearl

So not wildly different but It did shake things up a bit, especially in the rest of the rankings, and it gives you a better idea of the overall scale! For reference here's the graph again:

Some fun facts about the stats that I found:

Etho and Gem are the only players who answered every single question correctly (Etho received 4 hard questions while Gem only received 1, so he scored much higher than her in my scoring system. If you're counting purely the percentage of correct questions, Etho and Gem are tied for first and then there's a five-way tie for second)

Etho, Gem, Lizzie, and Skizz are the only players who never answered a question incorrectly, but Lizzie and Skizz were both victims of bot interference, and thus their timers ran out.

Overall, the server answered 75% of the questions correctly and had a normalized score of 36.

The distribution of question difficulties is incredibly close to evenly distributed (see spreadsheet for exact numbers)

Grian had the lowest difficulty rating, followed by Ren, Jimmy, and then Gem (He really doesn't know his own series, huh?)

Etho had the highest difficulty rating, followed by a three-way tie between Impulse, Scar, and Tango

There was a slightly noticeable correlation between the difficulty of the question failed and the resulting punishment, but the sample size is so small it's hard to say whether there was actually a reason behind this. (See spreadsheet for data and chart, it's mildly interesting)

The most drastic shift in placement due to the normalization is a tie between Tango, who moved up seven places (diff rating= 83), and Ren, who moved down seven places (diff rating = 56).

Unrelated but the snails still have the highest kill count on the server, even if you combine every single player kill.

This was a lot of fun and I can't wait to find more useless things to analyze that no one asked for!

[rustycopper4use]

It’s Always Been You (The rewrite)

Pt3

Kyoya x male reader.

…

“Welcome!”

…

All the hosts reside outside in the school’s garden, the cherry blossoms beautifully fall, perfectly setting the atmosphere for the club’s activities. Y/n walked with excitement, adjusting the strap of his bag, carrying more weight than usual. Finally arriving to his assigned table he placed his bag on the ground,

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting, but I promise it’s worth it.” He gave a toothy grin sitting down next to the group.

“It’s no trouble really! We don’t mind.” The girls smiled back,

“I appreciate your patience,” He tilts his head, his hands zipping open his bag.

“With special permission from our wonderful Vice-president: Kyoya, I am able to bring back the point system to our games!” He places a big box, no elegant way to place it given the sheer weight of it.

“—Of course, just like last time there are rules,” He swiftly opened a fresh pack of cards.

“First off we will be playing ‘Indian Poker’, second, each guest will be given 20 chips,” He holds up four different coloured chips between his fingers.

“10 sakura chips, 5 tulips chips, 3 Lilly’s and finally 2 rose chips,” He places the chips on the table.

“What’s the worth of each chips?” A girl spoke, picking up a chip inspecting it.

“1 Sakura is the equivalent to 100,000 Yen, Tulip is 200,000 Yen, Lilly is 400,000 Yen, and rose is 800,000 Yen.” He folded his hands in front of him.

“You may buy chips, however you only can buy up to 10 chips in total. If you lose all of your chips, including ones bought, you are out. No exceptions.” He gave a small ‘X’ gesture with his index fingers.

“There are of course prizes-“ He reaches into his bag, the guests hold their breath, all eyes on him.

“First place gets an exclusive never-before-seen Photo of your favourite host along with that you get a reserved spot on the next business trip the Host club takes! Second gets the book too, and a free booking with a host of your choice. Third place gets any piece of Host club merch for free.” He gives a closed eyed smile. Just off to the side the twins stare, gears turning in their head.

So that’s how the host club makes their extra money.

“But I have to wonder.” Hikaru leans his head against his hand.

“When did he take pictures of us?” Karou mirrored him.

…

As the last scheduled group leaves, Y/n stood up from his spot to stretch his arms till they made a satisfying pop. He threw his bag over his shoulder, making his was to Kyoya, writing in his notebook as always.

Now next to Kyoya he slides down the bark of the tree, the bag falling next to him, with a soft thud.

“What are you writing now, Kyoya?” He looks lazily up at the man.

“Clubs budget for this month.” His pen moved back and forth quickly.

“Speaking of which-“ Kyoya looks away from his notebook, now looking at the male.

“Yeah, yeah. Here’s the earnings.” He shoved his bag closer to Kyoya,

“Some paid in checks too,” He pulls out a small pile of checks, held together with a spade shaped paper clip, now handing it to Kyoya.

“Nice work.” He scribbled in his book.

Haruhi was suddenly crowded by Hikaru and Karou, all three now looking at Haruhi’s class choice submission sheet.

“So Haruhi, have you decided your elective classes this term?” They spoke in sync. Karou takes the paper from Haruhi’s hand,

“Have about conversational French?”

“I don’t know…” Haruhi stares in thought.

 “I think the three of us should take it together, it makes perfect sense.” Hikaru gave a devilish grin,

“We are in the same class.” The twins looked back at Tamaki.

Tamaki pouts, sliding over to Kyoya and Y/n,

“Say, mommy dear?” Tamaki looks pathetically at the trio.

“What is it now,” Kyoya continues to write in his book. 

“Daddy?”

Y/n covered his mouth, choking out a laugh, trying his best to muffle his laughter.

“I have a new theory, I mean it’s just my hypothesis, but it seems that by being in the same class, Hikaru and Karou are able to spend more time with Haruhi then I get to here at the club! This gives them the chance to get closer to her and of that happens-“

“You didn’t know? How did you just figure this out, Tamaki.” Y/n straightened his posture.

Kyoya pulls up a carefully planned chart,

“According to my research, in a single day the twins spend roughly nine hours of class time with Haruhi. Meanwhile your contact spent with her is limited to a couple hours of club activities. In other words, your involvement in Haruhi’s life each day amounts to no more than a mere three percent.” Kyoya spoke, Putting the final nail in the coffin. And of course Tamaki hates this news.

“AAH! I don’t want to hear it! I don’t wanna hear it! I don’t want to hear it! Listen Haruhi. I want you to stop hanging out with those shady twins from now on!” Tamaki yelled, pulling Haruhi away from the twins.

“Who’re you calling shady?” Hikaru argued, crossing his arms.

“Yeah! Take a good look at yourself boss!” Kaoru added. A light flickered in Tamaki’s head,

“Ah! Yes, that’s it!” He snapped his fingers,

“Alright then, we will no longer hide the fact you’re a girl from the school no longer. All daddy wants is for you to go back to the girl you used to be! For you to surround yourself with girlfriends and start living a wholesome life.” Tamaki complains and whines over Haruhi.

“Who are you calling daddy?” Haruhi spoke, getting more frustrated by the second.

“So do it! Change back right now!” Tamaki demanded

“You don’t really have to rush things, she’s going to be found out soon enough.” Hikaru states, everyone stares at him, “Physical exams are the day after tomorrow.” Kaoru spoke after. Leaving everyone frozen except Haruhi, “Physical exams?”

“That’s right. I forgot all about it.” Kyoya said. Looking to the rest of the group still processing.

“Hm that means, there’s no doubt. They’re gonna know, I’m really a girl.” Haruhi spoke rather calmly. The twins and Tamaki screamed in realization.

…

The hosts are now back inside the host club room. Though Tamaki was now lost in thought.

“Uh Tamaki?” Now Y/n stood in front of Tamaki, waving a hand, Tamaki showed no reaction.

“Well, it looks like we lost him.”

“He must be having a great daydream.” Honey mentioned, giving a sweet smile.

“He’s kinda creeping me out..” Hikaru spoke stepping away, finally causing a reaction out of Tamaki.

“Envious Hikaru? This is all part of my strategy. While you’ve wasted time blinded by your jealousy, I’ve seen the outcome of this charade. Ahh, this anime is obviously a romantic school comedy. Haruhi and I are the main characters so that means we are love interests!” Tamaki spoke nonsense to the Club.

The twins butt in on Tamaki’s fantasy. “Yeah, then what are we?” Tamaki smirks before pointing towards the rest of the host club.

“You boys are the homosexual supporting cast.” He begins drawing a line with a stick. “So please make sure you don’t step across this line.”

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Y/n cringed at Tamaki’s behaviour.

“I mean he write about one of us.” Karou leans on Y/n.

“How dare you.” Y/n crossed his arms, dramatically sighing, “I’m not supporting cast.”

Karou just gave a snicker in response 

“Hey listen boss.” Hikaru spoke, trying to reason with the blonde. “I don’t think you get it.” Kaoru following after him.

Honey chimes in “If word gets out that Haru-chan is really a girl, then she won’t be able to be in the host club anymore. But, if Haru-chan started wearing girls' clothes, I’d bet she’d be even cuter than she is now!”

“She dressed like a regular girl when she was in middle school, right? She must’ve been pretty popular with all the boys.” Hikaru states. Kyoya pushes up his glasses. “Yeah, according to my investigative reports, someone would declare their undying love for her at least once a month.” “How would you even find that type of information?” Y/n asked.

“I have my ways.” He glanced at Y/n

“Oh I see. So the boss wouldn’t even be able to get close to her.” Kaoru spoke with a smug grin forming on the twins faces. “But.. we’d be able to because we’re in class with her all day long.” “No way!

Haruhi finally arrived, closing the door behind her. “Hey guys, sorry I’m so late.”

“Don’t worry Haruhi! We’re determined to keep your secret! No one will know that you’re really a girl during tomorrow’s physical! So please, promise you’ll stay our beloved secret princess!” Tamaki fussed over Haruhi.

“Sure.”

“You know what, I think both of us would be a little peeved if we had to watch guys flirt with her.” Hikaru is already jealous at the thought. “Then that settles it.” Kaoru confirming the idea.

“Listen up squad members! At tomorrow's physical exams, position yourself in formation A. Then, wait for your orders.” Tamaki spoke, taking his role as leader. “Yessir!” The twins replied eagerly.

“Hey Kyoya-“ Y/n spoke in almost a whisper.

“I already handled it.”

“—Wait already? Thank you Kyoya.” He gave him a soft grin.

Y/n looks off at the Host club as they planned a totally feasible plan.

Hold on?

“Can Haruhi just—“ Y/n spoke a little too loud, immediately having his mouth covered. Y/n squinted his eyes, analyzing him. He managed to pull his hand of his face.

“They’ll figure it out eventually.” Kyoya looked at the group, Tamaki listing off the steps to the plan.

“I’ve got it!” Haruhi blurts out, causing the club to look at her.

“You guys are worried that if they find out I’m a girl, I can’t be a host and therefore, can’t repay my debt. My balance is five million yen… hm, well guess I have to come up with another way to pay my debt. Haha!”She gives an unburdened smile, comforting no one. “Do something! The subject doesn’t appear to have any motivation.” The twins look at haruhi and back to Tamaki.

“Ugh, why’d we have to get stuck with such a difficult heroine.” Tamaki’s frustration grows, at rather lack of care coming from Haruhi. “Are you really saying that you hate being a host, that you hate this club?” He gave Haruhi the biggest pathetic puppy eyes to Haruhi.

“To be honest, I'd have to say yes.” Haruhi answered quite bluntly, striking an unpleasant chord with Y/n.

“Well that’s a little harsh don’t you think?” Y/n’s anxiety prevalent in his shaky voice, Hoping Haruhi might just be joking, she can’t possibly hate the club that much. Right?

“I mean you guys aren’t bad but if it gets out that I’m a girl, there’s nothing I can do, you know.” Haruhi explained with a smile.

“We have to find a way to motivate her.” Y/n mumbles. “Maybe-“

“Fancy tuna.” A saviour spoke.

Mori you are a genius. Y/n thought.

An idea pops into their heads.

“Oh that’s right. You didn’t get a chance to eat any in the last chapter's party, did you?” Tamaki grins.

“It would be such a shame leaving the club, without even trying any fancy tuna…” Y/n joins in, giving Haruhi a teasing smile.

“What are you talking about, I’m not so much of a glutton, I'd go around fooling everyone of my gender. Just to try some fancy tuna… Hahaha… Am I really gonna get to try it?” Haruhi finally caves in, going with the club's plan.

Turns out she is very much a glutton. 

…

The day of the exam… “We will begin conducting physical examinations shortly. All students please proceed to the clinic in your respective school building.” The crowd of students were greeted by rows upon rows of doctors.

As everyone heads to the physical exams, they’re greeted by rows of doctors. The Hitachiin twins are the first to get called for check ups. And Mori and honey are clearly dressed as doctors, they were both wearing the fakest moustaches anyone has ever seen.

They’re so obvious.” Haruhi grumbled “I’ve got those two for backup just in case something happens. Kyoya responses.

“But why are they in doctor disguises?”

“They’re just helping to set the mood. Disguises make our operation feel like a real espionage mission.”Kyoya responded with an amused tone.

A cold hand startled Y/n, his shoulders immediately stiffen.

“Uh, I’m terribly sorry.” The scruffy doctor hands lingered on Y/n as he passed him and Kyoya.

“No problem…” kyoya spoke with a hint of confusion. Staring at him as he gets father from his vision.

“That’s weird.” Y/n comments, shoulders still tense.

“-He’s definitely not a doctor here.” Y/n comments, Kyoya nodded.

“Hitachiin brothers, would you please come with me, we’re ready to do your chest measurement. You can use the area behind this curtain to undress.” One of the nurses spoke, holding her arm out.

Hikaru starts taking off his shirt. The girls stared “Doesn't matter to me.” Kaoru does the same. “-we’re not shy, who needs curtains.” The girls freak out over the sight.

“See Haruhi, a rather impressive turnout today. Physical exam is quite popular with the ladies.” Kyoya spoke, looking at the crowd. The girls were cheered completely entranced with the sight of the two.  “Which is why I prefer private rooms.” Y/n mumbled. “What?” Haruhi looked at Y/n. “Sorry just talking to myself.” He quickly explained, picking at his nails.

“Y/n L/n! Please follow me to the rooms.” A nurse spoke with a kind smile, holding a clipboard in her hands.

“That’s my cue, I’ll see you later.” Y/n gave a quick wave, following the nurse. Y/n had always disliked this day, giving him the worst anxiety eating from the inside out. It’s getting easier as the years go, still, not�� a day goes by he wishes he can just avoid this all together.

As y/n was led into an empty nurses room he was greeted by the stale sanitized smell all medical rooms had, getting told to take a seat at the exam table, begrudgingly he did

The nurse looks at the clipboard in her left hand.

“So Y/n how’s your scars healing? I know it's been about a year.” She politely asked, referring to my chest.

“Their healing is fine.” Y/n quickly responded wanting to finish this early. The nurse looks at the male, accidentally making him even more uncomfortable.

“Great! I need to grab a few things to get you measured and I'll be right back! Please take off your shirt while I’m gone” She cheerfully left the room, closing the door behind her. Y/n took a long exhale, trying to calm his nerves. It’ll be over soon, absently picking at his nails.

…

“I’m telling the truth!” A girl spoke, catching the attention of kyoya, honey and Mori. “One of the doctors grabbed me by my shoulder. He was trying to make a pass at me. I’ve never been so terrified.” “How scary!” “Do you think he’s a pervert?” 

“I had a feeling this might happen.” Kyoya sighed. “What do you mean?” Honey looked at him.

“A bit earlier today, a man ran into me and Y/n. He was wearing a white lab coat but clearly not one of our hospital doctors and I thought he was a little odd.” Kyoya answered not really paying attention.

“Shouldn’t you have told us sooner?” The twins asked, sliding behind the man.

“Well, it’s not a big deal, I'm sure a security guard will catch him.” Kyoya looked at the twins.

“Tell me miss, did you happen to notice where the pervert doctor was headed?” A man asked one of the girls.

“Yes sir, he ran off towards the special boys clinic.”

“Wait isn’t where Y/n was supposed to…” Haruhi trailing off.

“Y/n!” The hosts exclaimed, Kyoya froze in his spot. 

…

Y/n sighed, as he dragged the shirt of his body, he shivered. Jesus it’s cold. He haphazardly threw his shirt on the exam table, he straightened his posture, hearing footsteps outside the door. Wonder what took her so long. The door slams opened, he whipped his head to the door. It’s the scruffy doctor from earlier! He looks clearly out of breath, his eyes widened when he realized he wasn’t alone.

“Get out!” Y/n Screamed, the man rushes over to him, slamming Y/n against the wall covering his mouth.

“What the hell do you think you're doing!” Y/n screamed trying to push the man off, he tried to thrash around, having little to no impact on him. Tears began to well in his eyes, he began to hyperventilate. 

“Ah. No, it’s not what you think, please keep quiet.” His hand flinched, tightening his hand on y/n’s mouth, leading to Y/n biting down on his hand, He pulled his hand away in pain, blood began sweeping out the fresh wound.

The door swung open, revealing the host club.

The twins drag the doctor off of Y/n, the hosts seemed to speak, his ears were ringing, barely making out bits and pieces of conversation, Kyoya put his jacket around his shoulders. Y/n just stared at the floor.

“Ahh! Please don’t hurt me! Spare me my life! I’m a doctor. I have a small emergency medical clinic that I run in the next town over, my name is yabu!”

The doctor pleaded.

As the conversation continued, Y/n still hasn’t fully recovered emotionally.

His ears are still ringing making it impossible to think, with adrenaline still pumping throughout his body he was hunched over letting Kyoya’s jacket slouch over his chest, trying to hide his scars.. And after what felt like hours, everyone left to give Y/n room to breathe, however Kyoya was still lingering, struggling with what to do. He wasn’t even sure why he was still here in the first place. Kyoya sighs

“Are you okay y/n?” He almost regretted it immediately, as he slowly walks over to Kyoya he leaned his head on Kyoya’s chest. He stood there not really knowing what to do or even say next. Till he was pulled out of his head, Y/n started to sniffle and he began to cry on his chest.

He hesitates before he just rubbing his back attempting to soothe him, he was way out of his element.

[sad-eyed-lady-of-the-paperbacks]

I don’t know how I never discovered Petscop before. I guess looking at the dates, it came out during a time I wasn’t online as much. If it had come out a few years earlier I would have been all over it.

But instead, I just stumbled across the completed series yesterday, and damn. It resonated so deeply with me. I have very little idea of what the hell is going on in terms of any kind of coherent linear narrative, but the raw emotions and themes? Haunting.

I’m going to ramble a bit under the cut, and this is going to go into some really dark themes. Trauma, violence, child abuse, lots of dark implications. Also spoilers for a webseries that is over 5 years old and probably everyone but me has seen at this point.

One part of dialogue in particular, or rather a note, is just playing over and over in my head. It’s one of the most chilling things I’ve ever read, and what makes it so effective is how much it leaves to cryptic, horrifying, but very poetic implication.

Your wife says, “Care isn’t growing eyebrows.” You say, “That’s a puzzle.” You’re secretly very excited to hear this news. You’re in the bathtub thinking about her. I have a guess at which child you’ll pick next. When you find her room, the passage to my right will lead to her. She’ll appear from the darkness, limping, and I’ll shoot her in the head. Tiara says young people can be psychologically damaged “beyond rebirthing.” A young person walks into your school building. They walk in with you. You’re holding their hands. They come out crying into their hands, because nobody will love them. Not ever again. “Nobody loves me!” They wander the Newmaker Plane.

This is a note from Rainer to, presumably, Marvin. Later, in Toneth’s description, Rainer begins to rant about his dog getting hit by a car and surviving, and him being the only one who still wanted to put it down, because “A dog is an innocent” and he believed that even when the dog wagged its tail after that, it wasn’t real. This immediately made my mind go back to the quote: “She’ll appear from the darkness, limping, and I’ll shoot her in the head.”

And it made me reflect on the A, B, and NLM states that Rainer assigns to Care before, during, and after her abduction. Later, in the “Care A” description, Rainer expands on this, applying it also to his brother, Michael.

When the emergency began, you were all looking for Care A. I told you all, we would never find Care A. When Care A goes missing, she goes missing forever. My brother didn’t want us to find him, because he knew we were all looking for Michael A.[…] If you think they’re worth any effort, see if you can save Care B, or Care NLM. Care B is in the school, of course.

For Rainer, this A/B/NLM divide is absolute, and there is no recovery possible, which is also implied in the quote he attributes to Tiara. Once the dog has been hit by a car, it should be put down. Once Care emerges from the darkness, limping, she should be shot in the head. He refuses to entertain the possibility that someone can come back from a traumatic experience and be happy again. You can try to salvage what’s left of them in their B or NLM states, if you think it’s worth the effort, but they’ll never be A ever again. That is what Rainer believes.

Interestingly, I think it’s possible that Rainer himself was abused by Marvin (“I’m back. This is my Christmas gift to you” implies that he himself was also missing, wandering “the Newmaker Plane.”) But he does not seem to place himself into the category of victim. Above, he refers to Marvin’s victims as “they”, “them.” Not “we.” Rather, he seems to categorise himself as being culpable together with the adults in the family (“Fuck you all, and fuck me as well.”) Paul says that Rainer (Daniel) was older than the other kids, so it’s very possible that he might blame himself for “failing” to protect the others. Or worse, he might have even been pulled into playing a role in abuse, or otherwise perpetuated it.

I believe that from the description ending on the ominous note of “Merry Christmas. Check your bathroom now.” we are to assume that Rainer killed himself. This would certainly feel like the inevitable conclusion of the nihilistic, hopeless, wounded perspective we have been given glimpses into through his various notes and through the design of his game itself.

But rather than support Rainer’s tragic outlook, the series gives me hope in how it ends. Paul rebelling against what Marvin tries to make him participate in, “closing the loop” and putting Care in the safest place he can think of really got to me. And that last scene between Paul and Belle/Tiara at the end of the soundtrack… Oh my God. The gentle blueish dawn on the Newmaker Plane. “Boss” (Lina??) “waiting for her son.” !!!!!! And this. Oh my God.

Belle: Do You Remember Being Born? Smuggled Away Driving Too Your New House

Boss In Driver Seat

Me In Back

I Could Not Wait Too Be Your Friend

Paul: Family

Belle: We Can Investigate This Together

This made me actually cry. It’s so utterly beautiful and hopeful. They did it.

I don’t pretend to fully understand everything that’s going on here or who all the characters are, but I kind of think that’s not the point. I know when this was coming out people were treating it as an ARG to be solved, but I don’t see it that way. I think it’s just a piece of art to be interpreted, and resonates beyond any one literal narrative or meaning.

Also, the other part that made me cry was watching Care’s dancing video synced up to “The Sign” by Ace of Base. It just struck all the right chords: a song straight from my own childhood, the fact that making a video game avatar dance to a popular song is absolutely something I did as a kid and just imbues the character of Care with so much humanity, the fact that the literal meaning of the lyrics is so cathartic after all that Care is implied to have gone through… God it just got to me.

[bread-tab]

Doctorate progress:

This spring I was granted an associate's degree (2 years of university, worth about half a bachelor's) by my community college after 11 years of on-and-off classes, repeatedly burning out, getting diagnosed with ADHD, and going back for one (1) English class that I had previously failed or dropped out of 4-5 times already.

I passed that class last year by the skin of my teeth because I'm an excellent writer but kept missing classes and writing assignments due to being sick.

Apparently this gave me just enough core credits for a different degree than the two (transfer and specialized) degrees I'd been going for in the past. The school sent me a letter saying they would automatically graduate me if I didn't respond within the next 4 months. Due to aforementioned ADHD, I didn't get around to it and subsequently forgot about the whole business until I got another letter with my transcript and instructions on how to order a copy of my diploma. ...I should probably do that.

I have decided not to go for the doctorate on account of, I finally have a full time job and if I take more than one class at a time I will spontaneously combust.

Sad about not getting to do a dissertation and all that fun stuff but like. I'm a whole adult. At this point I'd rather invent my own field of study, do the field work in my spare time, and write some books. That sounds a lot easier.

I've already done my decade in academia. I've had enough.

(Maybe I'll find a school without the structural and institutional ableism, ageism, and classism I'm accustomed to and change my mind. But, like, I doubt it.)

So, a little belatedly, I'm giving myself a pat on the back for finishing school. You never have to do it again, buddy. Not unless you actually want to.