#this asshole makes me feel worthless
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// personal
"of course your dad loves you!" today i was feeling rlly sad and i had some terrible back pain, so much i nearly cried, and instead of asking me what was wrong, my dad just told me i could call a fucking uber, lol. and he was annoyed instead of showing any concern. just bc he was with his friends and he didn't want to deal with me.
fucking asshole.
#lotus speaks#personal#venting#just bc my dad pays my shit doesn't mean he's a good dad#this asshole makes me feel worthless#that when i'm feeling depressed or sick#i should just leave and isolate myself#instead of bothering him#or anyone#AND THEN#he fucking dares to be upset when i don't ask for his help#WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS GODDAMMIT#sorry guys i'm feeling so angry rn#venting in tags#ranting#ranting in tags
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sometimes i truly do feel so isolated and alienated because even if people on here are lonely and sad they still have friends and partners and they're capable of having jobs and getting educations ... and im like ok wow im like actually the only one who doesn't just "feel" those things but also is completely worthless and insignificant. cool 👍
#and it's why i cant feel connected to anyone even if some ppl are nice to me#bc ok yeah but at the end of the day i still AM a loser while u have a life and ppl who care abt u........#nobody gets me. like for real...... ☹️#having avpd is fucked up and a curse tbh#idk rn im also in an avpd moment where i cant even reply to anyone at all#im like ok wow.... i both feel like im only worthless and stupid and awkward anyway why even bother trying#plus im genuinely like tired...... i just wanna be the most important to ONE person and be chosen by them over everyone else#never having experienced that just makes everything else pale away in comparison like i cant even find it in me to feel anythinf#anything*#im just feeling so fucking sad and im realizing how fkn alone i an#AM* god trying so hard not to cut myself since i cant even type properly#and since i have avpd that only makes me isolate myself more which makes me more miserable#but also the thing is... my only choice IS to isolate myself bc i dont have anybody#having short shallow social exchanges w ppl who i only exist a little bit to is making me feel more empty#i so badly need deep strong emotional connections#but actually i dont even care abt that... really truly all i want is to be no 1 to one person#so.... i dont know i dont fkn know all i know is that im so lonely#and even if shallow impersonal things can sustain me sometimes im in an avpd mood rn where i feel so fuckinf#fucking***** broken and worthless and all i want is to further isolate myself#bc when i try to talk to ppl im reminded of how stupid i am#bc they mean sm more to me than i do to them#bc they have real lives with real ppl that matter to them!!!#it's not what my soul needs so i just cant bring myself to.....#idk i also feel like an asshole bc i truly appreciate nice messages#idk i just wanna cry tbh and kms bc i will always have avpd and be broken 🩷
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"higher education" is so fucking snobby dude... my distaste for academia and the educational system as a whole is just further amplified
#relic.txt#how are you going to make fun of a student while they present their thesis... to their face?#even if you dislike the student. and think their presentation is shit.#it's just unprofessional and petty#it didn't happen to me but it happened to a classmate and i just got pissed off#the entire comittee made fun of her for the whole duration of her presentation bc it wasn't the greatest thing ever but like#she was working full time for over a year obviously her grades n shit were gonna suffer lol#some people can't exactly afford school#i've never liked school and never will. it's a joke. you don't learn jack shit other than “your worth is only your academic success” which#barely means anything#can barely find jobs after finishing school too#and teachers in my experience have always been snobby assholes#who got bullied growing up and now take it out on students#learn as much as you can ALONE. do research ALONE. develop skills ALONE.#and also. don't feel like you're worthless because you “didn't have the brains to do something sciency” or w/e bullshit#and ended up doing manual work or whatever#that's amazing#everyone's good at their own specific thing#delete later#i'm just so done with school as a whole lol
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:(
Very bad grade in therapy today
#thought i could make progress this year and yet here i am having done jack shit by now#what has even been the point#i just wanted to do something today that didnt feel awful like try to encourage people to watch a show or play a game#and now im just right back to Why do i bother staying alive? im never going to make any progress#and even if i do I'm going to just be worthless the whole time and waste precious resources others could be using#oh yes just try saying a nice thing to yourself for once! yeah sure that will help when i cant do anything worth a damn#i want to help people but i have no skillsets and no money to further my education and teaching myself gets me right where i already am!#continuing like this is like spitting in the face of anyone who is actually out there pursuing their dreams and thats not fair to them#they put in all that hard work and im over here being a whiny ass bitch bc i want so badly to do better and learn more#but the only thing holding me back is that im a dumbass who cant do anything right and no one will ever think differently#why am i trying to make myself something i can never be? what is goddamn point if its just a waste of everyones time and effort#i just... it feels like the least i can do is just stop taking up space#free up some oxygen for someone who really needs it and shelter for someone who truly deserves it#i shouldnt even have these things and yet i complain about how much gas i have to pay to commute to my jobs#like such an asshole#and i said i so much in these tags bc im such a selfish jerk who coearly doesnt care enough nor has a worthwhile vocabulary to say otherwise#theres just no fucking point to any of this#...#its cold today#might be a good day to do my favorite plan#actually yeah fuck it im gonna go#hope you all stay kind to yourselves and enjoy your 2024#you absolutely deserve it and everything you can get out of it#keep being amazing yall#see you on the flip side or whatever#orbs thought bubbles
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Making me think about the people I knew as a teenager is the best way to unlock any repressed anger or hate in my heart
#obviously not my friends. but like. man. i wish i could punch some of those ppl SO much. just beat the shit out of them.#i tried my damnedest to see the good in every one of them and i was SUCCESSFUL but like. they did not deserve my kindness.#i still get so angry when i think about the kid who’s ENTIRE online presence was making fun of ADHD and making jokes about how it’s fake#and like. so many of the ppl i played hockey with (speficially comp) were just. so awful. they hurt so many people including me#but i was so depressed i just took it cause i thought I deserved it and if i took it i wouldn’t be treated badly#but like. yeah they didn’t outright bully me because i made myself small. but they still were not kind to me and made me feel worthless#and yeah yeah i know therapy language they can’t *make* me feel anything but like. come on#those assholes refused to ever try to be friends with me. i assumed cause they thought i was gay but idk i was also weird so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#like every time i got to talking with them and tried to reach out they’d pull away and purposely exclude me#and over and over again it just made me realize I wasn’t worth shit to them. and since they were my world i felt like i was all worthless#googoogajoob
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Mickey they could never make me hate you. Even WHEN you were the dirtiest white boy in America. V THAT MAY BE TRUE but he's also soooo pretty so he gets a pass cuz he's so babyboy and babygirl and an angel that deserved so better like fucking love and compassion and pride and adoration from his fucking shithead father. (if you can't tell I'm on my season 2 shit) honestly he was so much more dirty white boy tm in season 1 tho...
”I came out for you, you piece of shit”
YES YOU DID MICKEY. YES THE FUCK YOU DID.
#mickey milkovich they could never make me hate you#mickey milkovich is a perfect angel#babygirl has never done anything wrong a day in his life#the babygirlification of mickey milkovich#the dirtiest white boy in America#i think crying in iggys arms about all the shit terry used to do to him would heal him honestly#like i think maybe mickey had suicidal tendencies that iggy never knew about and he almost succeeded one time#when the shit with svetlana happened and she brokenheartedly made him promise to fucking stop when he overdosed on some pills and he did#but it didnt stop him self harming until the day he didnt feel so trapped with no way out and hearing all that fucking broke iggys heart#and he apologizes to mickey for abandoning him because thats his lil bro and he never knew he was hurting that bad#and maybe mickey always thought iggy would kill him for being gay if he ever ran into him but wouldnt seek him out cuz of his worthlessness#so when he finally runs into iggy on the west side hes fucking scared cuz he was wrong iggy finally decided to hunt him down and kill him#and that broke iggy almost as much as the feeling suicidal for the longest time and he didnt even know thing#and he ends up telling mickey that hes actually known mickey was gay since he was 13 and he now wishes he would of been there for him#wishes that he wouldve protected him and let him know it was ok but he cant change the past but he wants to be there for him now if allowed#i just fucking need mickey and iggy bonding#i need mickey and iggy hurt/comfort#maybe its revealed that mickey used to sneak into iggys room as a little boy at night after/when terry was a monster and cry in his arms#while iggy kissed his hair until he fell asleep when mickey falls to his knees and starts crying like a baby in his arms and iggys rocking#with mickey and kissing his hair and telling that hes here for him just like old times and mickey says “ 's the only time i ever felt safe#“ 'y were my safe place” and iggys all like i know im sorry babybrother and maybe lip walks in on it and is an asshole about it#cuz he thinks its weird but ian is having NONE of it cuz his baby NEEDS this but lip also feels bad for mickey#cuz its fucked up that he wanted off himself cuz his dad had him feeling trapped and dead inside and wanting to do anything to get away#and maybe hes not so much of an asshole to mickey after cuz ians right mickey DID need that#idk where the fuck this came from cuz this so wasnt the original point of the post or the reblog at first but here we are#and i really need this fic cuz just mickey and iggy hurt comfort like this would be heartbreakingly beautiful#mickey milkovich#i think i need to iterate that its mandy that makes mickey promise to stop trying to commit suicide not svet#cuz he would do anything for mandy even when she leaves and the urge still stays cuz she was heartbroken when she saved him from the attempt#and hed never wanna hurt her like that again even when she leaves and hes fucking hurting still but hed never want to put her through more
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its like. i KNOW, on some level, that its kind of fucked up that dad and mom are like. not talking to me or reaching out and they never have ven when i was a kid, and i know on some level its pretty fucked up how little they care about me yet somehow want a say in EVERYTHING in my life
and its kinda fucked up that i asked my dad about a hypothetical scenario where i rent that really shitty apartment he has in the basement for a little while after finally getting rid of the house i currently live in. just so ill have somewhere to live until i find a better apartment somewhere. and somehow my brother gets 12k a month and only pays 4k ish but i make 18k a month so i should ay 10k in rent just cus
and somehow im just a trash heap so when i moved into the house i got a bunch of crap my parents just didnt want. my old stuff from when i was a kid?? okay thanks for the toys but can i ssell them or give some of them to my little sister? NO. what if my little sister comes to visit. they dont fucking visit me more than once a year at most and they only visit my neighbours or show up when im not around. baby pictures??? stuff i had when i was a baby like a toy and some shit drawings from when i was a kid???? WHY WOULD THEY GIVE ME THAT. its stuff that should be sentimentally important enough for dad to keep, not give to me cus theyd feel bad throwing it away or give to me cus it was taking up space. mom kept the big photoalbum books i had to go get from dads house before they sold it even tho it was all packed away and probably hadnt been in a bookshelf for a while and i didnt even get my own babypictures or the album even tho mom said i was gonna get it when i moved out some furniture and shit?? mom didnt wanna get rid of a fucking bench with drawers so he asked me if i wanted it?? i said okay but like if i try selling it is she gonna want it back? and she even tried buying an unopened box with a dresser in it (i dont have space for it anywhere. YET.) from me even tho i said i needed it. she couldve just asked where she got it or some shit, they literally still sell it at the store and you can order it online and dad and stepmom came with some mats and lamps for me "in case i needed some" so thats lying in the garage taking up space cus i dont have any use for them. they even gave me a fucking roomba even tho i didnt think itd help and i never used it and now they want it back cus they wanna give it to grandma. like i get the logic but why give it away if you want it back.
and like. most of my shit is secondhand from family. because the solution to all my problems is apparently not getting me the fuck out of that house, its Giving Me Things. i just got picked up from the psychiatrists office or i have a headache and feel awful or i almost had a panic attack, but dad cant drop me off at home or even at moms house cus that takes 10 minutes extra so instead i get a soda. cus that makes up for him just letting me have a headache or literally driving me aorund for 3 hours cus hes got "chores" (checking out used car dealerships for more cars he can buy so he can fix them cus his hobbies are so important he cant just put them aside and make sure were fed or have clothes, thats mom and grandmas job)
so instead of actually trying to help me or spend time with me they give me shit. i dont see people for literal months and im literally crying daily for hours in the middle of fucking winter and nobody even fucking talks to me but the best way to fix that?? give me a christmas tree and ornaments. give me some of their old decorations too. bail on me to stay home for new years eve but thats okay cus i got a christmas tree they bought for me cus that fixes everything i dont have a table and chairs to sit in the livingroom or kitchen and im almost having a mental breakdown cus i think THATS whats missing and having more furniture is going to fix the complete lack of any connection with other people cus if i have a big house and i have stting space people will actually bother visiting. so ofc dad gives me their old furniture from their cottage, theyve been meaning to get rid of it so they can replace it anyways. literally giving me their unwanted shit cus its easier. going to the thriftstore with me is too much work and i cant get to any of the more remote but cheap furniture stores but thats okay cus they dont care and for as long as they dont have to drive me or spend time with me all is well.
like it is no fuckin wonder im struggling to even save up money when i keep buying shit cus thats literally what always happens when im with family. we go on a daytrip somwhere to buy shit cus there no fucking connection there thats worth even trying to deal with, so the whole idea of an experience or bonding isnt really applicable. being a kid and hanging out with the paternal side of the family was literally always a shopping trip where we bought new clothes. cus dads cheap and didnt wanna spend his precious hobby money on clothes, he wants to fix cars for months then sell them for a couple extra hundreds, and my uncle and aunt and cousin only visited for weekends every now and then so it wasnt often either. but it was practically every time.
like even when im alone in the city or somewhere i wind up spending money on shit cus i just. dont have the self control and who gives a shit anyways its not like ill be able to ever save up for anything and atleast this way i get something i want besides just groceries or whatever. and maybe if i buy the right things ill have motivation to actually do shit like having hobbies or fixing my life and if i have the right aesthetic ill atleast feel less like all my shit is embarrassing and childish and i wont get tired of it as easily ig. but also like whats the fucking point of anything. it feels like im no allowed to get things i genuinely want or thhink would help and im not allowed to switch things out when theyre not working. im not allowed to get a new desk cus i have an old one i dont want and never use, i have a new one ive never used and thats driving me insane because of the size and how can i know it doesnt help or work or makes me wanna draw if i havent even tried it. so i already have stuff so im not allowe dt get new things or nicer things.
except a new desk would atleast let me clean my room properly and itd give me more space and maybe if i was allowed to do that id finally draw again us id have somewhere to put my art stuff and somewhere nice to sit. maybe itd make stuff easier and nicer for me?? is that not a good reason. especially considering everything else. im fuckign depressed, ive been for years and im only now starting to get a little better, i have a house i dont wanna fucking live in most of the time cus its just one big boring fucking chore and i cant even afford it. i cant even clean it properly or fix anything cus why bother, i dont wanna fucking be here i hate it here. it sucks and its lonely and its not even functional and nothing works and i cant even decide on a wallcolor without everyone else giving me their input whether i ask for it or not. i have 40k in an account and im not even allowed to look at it and i didnt even know i had it cus mom never fucking told me about it. i literally just wanna get rid of everything and start over and move somewhere and actually have a car and a job i enjoy that i actually get paid for and some mental stability so i can go to the job and get dishes and laudnry done without it being a fucking struggle every god damn time.
#talkies#long post//////////////////////////////////////////#so yeah. im gonna go do laundry and maybe ill make macaroni for dinner. idk what ill put in it tho. maybe cheese or some shit#anyways the point of the post was i know on some level hat this shit is kinda fucked up. but im used to it so i dont actualy know how much#and its hard to feel like im allowed to be upset due to neglect + emotional abuse and so on cus i wasnt allowed to have feelings other peopl#people didnt want me to have. and i was usually yelled at for bing upset about literally anything ever no mater what it was#and im so used to being treated this way that i feel like its my fault cus im worthless and its selfish to want people to actually care abou#t me. and it feels weird cus its like. am i allowed to be upset about this. is this my own fault? am i an asshole for all of this? it feels
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Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
#actuallynpd#signal boost#actuallyautistic#mental health awareness#narcissistic personality disorder#people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias#(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar#mentally ill or otherwise ND)#the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there'#no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo#anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that#he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful#misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included#several personality disorders. one of which was NPD.#and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and#he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he#was glad he did#fun times#or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to#support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma#bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me#trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them.#again..... fun times
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Thinking about when I checked into crisis and they had me talk to someone there about my current medications (not the psychiatrist or therapist btw they were just taking record of it for when I did talk to them) and she said “you’re like this because you need to just get a job” and when I said I have a disabling chronic illness she just starting making up a bunch of other stuff I “don’t do” to point to, while knowing 0 things about me or my life, and when I told her I either already do those things or physically cannot do them due to the previously mentioned disability, she just got increasingly more frustrated that she couldn’t blame my problems on me being lazy
She heard I was unemployed and made up a guy to get mad at in her head I swear
#venting sry. I was thinking about this today while feeling frustrated about being in a lot of pain#the best part is the mental health problems I was having were in fact directly related to the physical illness problems so.#very cool of her to be like ‘well your problem is you aren’t a functioning member of society’ and doubling down#yeah dude i know. i all reminded that my physical condition makes me be seen as worthless all the time thanks for that#people like you are the reason I have problems with self worth in the first place asshole
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You asked for it. | b.e
warnings: angst kinda?, smut, strap usage (r! receiving), angry sex, orgasm denial, pet names (baby, honey, darling, babydoll), spanking, degrading, hair pulling, !dom billie, !sub reader, toxic and mean billie, reader is desperate and dumb, they basically fuck the problem away, and lastly… THE BELT.
summary: you knew just what u were doing, walking like that, talking like that, looking like that to someone who wasn’t her… but you know, she will make you pay for it.
— 11pm, grammy’s after party. —
You felt her eyes burning on you, at each move you made, smirk you gave, and she clearly wasn’t happy about it.
You thought it would be an great revenge, you were mad at her, she wasn’t being herself lately. The work, the pressure, everything made her forget about you. And it only got worse, you felt invisible, unattractive, worthless.
So you decided to make her pay, but at what cost? well, that didn’t matter anymore. You would do anything to make her look at you, even if she’s burning in jealosy.
“i could take you to my house today… what do you think about that?… hey?..” you just was too focused on looking at billie, desperate for her attention. But suddenly, she gets up, and start walking towards you and… maybe julie? jade? jane? you couldn’t care less about what was the girls name.
“shes with me, come on, we have things to do.” billie spoke, with an cold raspy voice. She couldn’t even look at your eyes, she didn’t even grab your arm, her look on you made you feel gross… but you still knew, she had asked for it.
— 11:45pm, a lot of places actually —
You two entered her dodge challenger, she didn’t open the door for you, it looked almost like she was avoiding to be close to you. You kept your head down the whole drive, and she was quiet, deadly quiet. You couldn’t take anymore.
“don’t act like im the only asshole here.” you said finally looking at her, as she entered the garage. Her gaze was finally on you, her look was angry, sharp, possessive. You didn’t know how to feel about it, you’re glad that she was finally looking at you, but.. you’re still afraid of what she was going to say.
“well, you’re the only whore.” her voice was harsh, you took a deep breath and replied.
“don’t blame me for your incompetence.” you said in the same tone as her, even angrier. She was getting really pissed by this.
“excuse me?! what the fuck you just said?!” she wasn’t believing what she heard.
“its not my fault you didn’t even try to make me cum lately.” you stared deep at her eyes, as you saw the look of confusion? angriness? you couldn’t tell anymore.
“you fucking asked for it.” she got off the drivers seat, opening your door and dragging you inside by the arm. She was pissed, but still being careful to not to hurt you in anyway.
You couldn’t tell when you had took all of your clothes off, you just remember being pressed against the kitchen counter with billie tearing apart your fancy dress that she bought you. She made you turn your back to her, as you felt the pressure of her strap on your ass.
“why did you had to be so bratty today, baby? i know you can feel it… i was going to give you what you want, even more…” she spoke on your ear, as she continues to tear apart your dress.
“please.” that whine just escaped out of your dirty mind.. as you felt her hands grabbing your hips harshly, making you arch your back with the light pain.
“now you are begging huh? aren’t you the little slut who was flirting with some weirdo in front of me?” she spoke as you kept quiet, her grip on your hips was getting really harsh.
“bend over.” she said making you bend over the kitchen counter, as she took off her new belt from her hit me hard and soft merch… you could see her adjusting the belt on her hand, as you were with your full body exposed to her. You felt one, two, three smacks on your ass… still holding back every single moan.
“do you think that she could fuck you like me? huh? do you really thing she could treat you like the dirty slut you are?” you just shut your eyes and tried to make your mouth as closed as possible, and she didn’t liked that. She grabbed a fist of your hair, smacking your ass with the belt even harder as she pulled your head back.
“answer me.” she said with an low and raspy voice that made you shiver, since you were in this position, you couldn’t hold back anymore… you just let out an moan when she smacked your ass.
“mhm… n-no, no one can… please bills.” you said as she put your head down again, as she continues to smack your ass, harder and harder until she was done spaking you. It hurt, but it hurt so fucking good. She carried you in her arms to your room, placing you carefully on the bed.
“im gonna give you what you want now, darling.. face down, ass up.” she spoke in a demanding way, you did what she asked you to, she just pushed your underwear to the side to reveal that sticky wetness.
“i think you like being spanked a little…” she spoke, pausing to press her thumb against your clit as she smirked “…too much.”
“y-you’re fucking mean bill-..” you were harshly interruped with another slap on your alrealy bruised area, making you moan again.
“i don’t remember allowing you to speak, honey.” she said as her pace on your clit got faster, but she suddenly stopped.. as she unzipped her jeans.
She placed the strap on your entrance lubricating itself with your own liquids. She got in slowly to make you get used to it, but it was too big to be that easy. You grabbed the bed sheets almost as if your life depends on it.
“its only half way in, babydoll.. sure you can take all of it?” she said getting worried with you.
“yes.. i can.. please fill me up.” that was the only thing she wanted to hear, when you realized, she was already fucking your brains out.
She was pounding you harshly, you could swear that the whole fucking world could hear how loud you were moaning, but you couldn’t help it. Billie was pulling your hair as she hit your g spot, again, and again, and again… She had skilled fingers, and you knew that better than anyone. Without a warning, she begin to play with your clit like it was a fucking toy while she was making a mess out of your poor cunt.
“im c-close.” you said as you holded into the bed sheets once again, feeling your orgarsm coming… but she stopped touching you, she pulled out her strap as you whimpered.
“do you think you really deserve to come after all you did? come on.” she smirked, as you were compleatly at her mercy
“you asked for it.”
— GUYSS, thats my first oneshot here… english its not my mother language and im sorry if theres some grammar or spelling mistakes in this, hope you guys liked itt… horny freaks.
#billie eilish smut#smut#billie eilish#billie elish icons#billie ellish lyrics#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish oneshot#billie eilish blurb#billie eilish fic#oneshot#wlw#strappon#billie eilish concert#billie eilish fanfiction#billie eilish fanart
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𝐚 𝐥𝐚𝐩𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 | 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐨’𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚
you get embarrassed and miguel won’t let it go —featuring a smug miguel and a pining spider-girl. pre across the spider-verse but contains spoilers. requested here. fem!reader
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
"This is super, uber bad," Lyla drawls lightly.
Miguel waves an annoyed hand at her, gaze on the orange monitor in front of him. You shift from foot to foot beside him, neck craned to watch in tandem.
"Like, so bad. Maybe you should go help."
"I can't intervene now," Miguel says.
"How come?" you ask, pulling at the tips of your gloves one at a time as you worry, until the whole thing is slipping off and onto the floor.
You make no move to pick it up. Miguel glances down at it, then the screen again before saying, "Because they'll never learn. And because there's too many fingers in the same pie."
"Pie?" you ask.
"You don't want that?" he asks, pointing at your fallen glove.
You blink, pulled back to the present from your stewing anxiety. It's hard seeing people you care about getting their asses handed to them and knowing you can't help.
Miguel rolls his eyes, only half-making fun as he leans down for your glove. You lean at the same time, almost knocking your head into his as your fingers brush. Miguel looks up, suddenly face to face with you. Your breath catches in your throat at the proximity. You can see every dark lash hedging his eyes, feel the fanning of his exhale as it kisses your top lip.
His confusion is obvious. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
"Uh– it’s nothing."
His eyes narrow, your heart skips a beat, and while Miguel might not have a spider sense he's still enhanced. He must hear it. Something in his eyes changes, the smallest flicker of amusement relaxing his brow.
You wince and stand up rigidly straight, face to the screen again so he can't see your flustered expression head on. "Nothing."
"Sort of felt like something."
"It's nothing, Miguel."
"That why you forgot this?"
You look down at his offered hand, your glove bunched up in his big palm.
Your lips part of their own accord, any effort you've made to appear unaffected by him, his stature, and his general imposing demeanour now worthless. Too quickly, you snatch the glove from his hand and yank it back over your fingers, your pinky bending uncomfortably from the sheer force of it.
"It's nothing," Miguel repeats without inflection, though he crosses his arms and chuckles a second later.
You squirm beside him. "I– I'm distracted."
"I can tell. Something caught your eye?"
The urge to cover your face with both hands reaches an all time high. You settle for covering one flushed cheek. "Nothing interesting."
"No? Well, we can change that."
"Would you stop?" you ask, trying to sound furious but definitely bordering pleading.
"I'm not doing anything. Nothing happened."
"I wouldn't take that, if it were me," Lyla chimes in.
"Good thing it's not you," Miguel says.
Things are quiet for a while. Miguel refocuses on the fight unfolding on screen, and you try to calm your beating heart. The embarrassment refuses to wane, your pulse too stubborn to slow, and eventually Miguel must take pity on you, leaning toward you with arms crossed over his chest. "It wasn't that bad," he says.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I'm trying to make you feel better."
"You– I– you were so close to me, I got nervous, it– it has nothing to do with you."
Miguel raises his eyebrows. "Oh, okay." He straightens up. "Nothing to do with me. You know I can hear your heart, right?"
"Wow. Is that unique to you?" you ask scathingly, knowing every Spider in the whole headquarters can likely hear the drum of your heart right now.
You know he's teasing because he finally managed to catch you in a moment of awkwardness rather than the other way around, and because he's an asshole —you think that part hard, hoping his enhanced hearing has improved to include telepathy. Like he can tell, he grins, and he nods at nothing in particular.
"Don't worry, Spider-Girl. I won't hold it against you."
"Generous," you say.
His voice drops to a rough, lilting murmur, "People have said that about me. Tall, handsome, generous." It's impossible to miss the implication.
Your heart rockets and you have to turn away from him entirely to maintain any dignity you have left.
"You know what else they say?" Lyla asks. "That he's a smug, tightly wound control freak who's too busy being a bad sport, totally missing Jess' call for backup."
"What?" Miguel asks, all smoothness dropped from his voice. "Respond!"
"Say sorry to Y/N."
"Lyla!"
"Say sorry–"
"I'm sorry," he says to you. You're happy to find genuine apology in his gaze, if only for a second. "Lyla, respond."
"Already did."
Miguel gets so immediately angry that his head tips back and his eyes screw closed, grunting his dissatisfaction. You send Lyla a grateful smile, smothering a wave of laughs with your gloved hand.
"Don't worry, Miguel," you say cheerfully. "I won't hold it against you."
"...Thank you."
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
thanks for reading! i hope u enjoyed, pls reblog if u have the time! <;3 my other miguel fics
#miguel and spidergirl reader#miguel o’hara x reader#miguel o’hara x you#miguel o’hara x y/n#miguel o’hara x fem!reader#miguel o’hara#miguel o’hara fanfiction#miguel o’hara fanfic#miguel o’hara fic#miguel o’hara drabble#miguel o’hara scenario#miguel o’hara blurb#miguel o’hara oneshot#spider-man: across the spider-verse#spider-man: across the spider-verse spoilers#spider-man: across the spider-verse fanfiction#across the spider-verse spoilers#across the spider verse spoilers#across the spiderverse spoilers#spiderman across the spider-verse spoilers#miguel ohara x reader#miguel ohara x you#miguel ohara x y/n#miguel ohara x fem!reader#miguel ohara#miguel ohara fanfiction#miguel ohara fanfic#miguel ohara fic#miguel ohara drabble#miguel ohara scenario
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Yandere BTS OT7 - Mistake
DISCLAIMER: This is a FICTION work only made for entertainment purposes that includes yandere/dark. I do not support or encourage any type of abusive behaviour.
SUMMARY: You make a big mistake and now you deal with the consequences.
Check more: Masterlist.
OT7 x Female reader
WARNINGS: Implied Kidnapping.
AN: I really made Jimin the bad guy here, but I hope you guys like it 💖
--
You hold your breath for a solid minute, staring at the door as it shakes.
The banging on the door progressively gets more violent as the loud commotion outside of the bathroom you just locked yourself in increases.
The realization of what you did slowly starts to hit you.
But you know very clearly how badly you’ve messed up.
“Y/n! Open this door right now!” Hoseok and Jimin yell, angry voices mixing in.
“Open it right fucking now!”
“Don’t you dare ignore us!”
You wince as a hard punch is thrown at the poor door, silently thanking the strong wood for withstanding the boys’s wrath.
It’s the only thing keeping you safe from a horrible punishment, although you’re not stupid enough to think you can spend the rest of your life hidden in the bathroom.
“What is going on here?” a new voice joins, overlapping over the rest of the angry voices, and you guess it’s Namjoon from the deep timbre.
“Look at this, hyung! Y/n tried pushing Jimin down the stairs and now she’s locked herself in the bathroom.”
You can practically see Namjoon’s brows rising in disbelief.
The handle moves and upon realizing that the door is indeed locked shut, there’s a new knock on the door, although this one is much softer than the previous ones.
“Y/n? Is this true?” he questions you, voice laced with disappointment. “Did you try to hurt Jimin?”
Hot tears prickle your eyes as the struggle to hold them back proves itself to be worthless.
They’re gonna get so mad at you. They’re gonna hurt you.
“N-No.”
“Liar!” Jimin cuts you off, and you jump at an unexpected fierce bang to the door. “I was trying to be nice and you fucking pushed me away!”
His explanation is twisted and it awakens flames of annoyance inside you.
Jimin is not someone you would rank highly when it came to the boys, despite having no clear favorites amongst them.
You hate them all.
They’re all kidnappers, for all you care. But Jimin is particularly pushy when it comes to you and you hate him dearly for that.
“You’re the liar!” you scream back, still maintaining a safe distance from the door. “You…Why don’t you tell the truth, you asshole?”
You don’t wait for him to reply before continuing.
“Namjoon, he tried slipping his hands underneath my shirt.” you sniff, cringing at the fresh memory of Jimin’s cold hands sneaking around your belly, starved to touch any inch of your skin. “He touched me, so I pushed him. He- I didn’t realize the stairs were so close, okay?”
There’s a moment of silence.
“Jimin-ah, why would you do that?”
The muffled question from Jin has a light spark of hope igniting in you. Jin is one of the nicest, he’ll surely understand your situation.
“I didn’t grope her! It was barely a touch!”
“Jimin…” Namjoon sighs, clearly having doubts over the younger boy’s dubious explanation.
“Hyung, I’m telling the truth! Y/n is the one lying!” Jimin argued back, his heated temper making his voice rise. “She’s just making excuses for the fact that she tried hurting me. She’s the one who went crazy on me and tried to shove me down the stairs.”
“I didn’t-”
“She was probably hoping that I’d break my neck or something.” The malicious tone that Jimin uses upsets you.
“I already said it was an accident!” you try to defend yourself.
“It didn’t look much like an accident.” Yoongi contradicts you.
“Yeah, it really didn’t.” You shake your head at Jungkook’s words, feeling yourself getting slightly hysterical.
You want to scream and shout. Of course they’re gonna take Jimin’s side.
“It was an accident!” your voice is considerably aggravated, and it shows. “I didn’t mean to!”
“Then come out.” Jimin challenges you. “What are you hiding for, if it was an accident?”
You ignore him.
The boys argue back and forth, with Jimin vehemently insisting it's all your fault against Jin and Taehyung, who try their best to minimize your actions.
Finally, when the argument threatens to escalate into a fight, Namjoon intervenes.
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, guys. There’s no point in fighting like this. Let’s solve the situation like adults.”
There’s a softer knock on the door.
“Y/n? Can you please come out?”
You don’t even think before throwing a loud no.
“Sweetheart, please, we’re not gonna hurt you.” Jin tries.
“Speak for yourself.” Jimin’s voice isn’t low enough to go unheard, and the hair on your arms rises at the implicit threat.
“Jimin!” several boys hiss.
“Baby, please, just come out!” Taehyung begs. "We can talk things out."
“Y/n, we just want to clear up the situation, okay?” Namjoon tries again, using a pacific tone. “No one is punishing you without having the whole story, I promise.”
You shake your head, heart pounding in your ears as you walk further away from the door. You don’t believe him.
In the end, they’ll hurt you. You know that.
Curling yourself into the small space next to the bathtub, you bury your face in your arms.
Any previous anger and energy you had is now fully drained, the seriousness of your situation making you dwell into a light depression.
You’re tired. So fucking tired of them.
They’ve turned you into a captive, took away all of your life choices, stripped you away from your freedom. All for a poor excuse of love, as they claimed it.
Obsessed freaks, that’s what they truly are.
You cover your ears with your hands, blocking away their circus of begging, threatening and bribing.
You’re not opening the door.
It takes less than an hour for them to finally get inside the bathroom.
By then, you’re slightly more anxious, having cried all the tears you had and yet new ones are ready to spill when Jungkook and Jin’s combined strength finally breaks the door down.
As already expected, Jimin is the first one to stride in, closely followed by the rest of the boys.
But what scares you the most is the terrifyingly sly smirk that he dedicates you as he bends down. One of his hands grips your hair, aggressively pulling your head back as he leans down to whisper on your ear.
“I don’t care what Namjoon hyung said before.” he says, “But you’re getting punished. We’ll see if you can even walk after what I’m about to do to you.”
#@yankpop#yandere kpop#yandere bts#yandere bts x reader#bts ot7 x reader#yandere bts ot7#bts x reader#yandere suga#yandere yoongi#yandere yoongi x reader#yandere jin#yandere jin x reader#yandere jhope#yandere hoseok#yandere hoseok x reader#yandere namjoon#yandere namjoon x reader#yandere jimin#yandere jimin x reader#yandere taehyung#yandere taehyung x reader#yandere jungkook#yandere jungkook x reader#tw: yandere#tw: kidnapping#yandere drabble#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n
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PETPLAY
(Yoon Seeun x M! Reader, Anal, Rope Play, small tits, creampie, Painal, PetPlay, Petgirl)
Note: thanks to @smutoperator to teach me how to make good smut :D
Nestled in the heart of a picturesque neighborhood, my home stands as a testament to elegance and comfort. Its grandeur is evident from the moment you lay eyes on its stately facade, with large windows that allow sunlight to flood the spacious interiors. The rooms are adorned with tasteful decor, and every corner exudes a sense of warmth and welcome. Amidst this beauty, there is a special companion who makes this house truly feel like home. Seeun, my beloved petgirl, brings an extra layer of joy and liveliness to our abode. Whether frolicking in the garden or curling up by the fireplace, Seeun's presence is a constant reminder of the love and happiness that fills our grand, beautiful home.
She is already on her knees when i get closer to her, I ask her "Who's your name" and she answered it "Seeun, Master". I slap her cheek and I said "Answer correctly, Slut" and she cry a little and answer correctly "I am nothing, I'm not have a name, I'm only your slut, your pet, master"
And I grabbed her body and took her to the bed, lying on her back as I tied her hands, already getting her naked, I spit on her pretty slutty face and squeeze her small tits, I pinched and slapped her pussy, she cried and moaned a loud, she is crying and moan a loud "FUUCCKKK MASTER" she is moan a loud "Who's your owner, Dog" I slap her face and spit on her face again "Master, my master own this worthless dog"
I start to untie her hands and make her bend over my bed, i spank her big ass ""FUUCKK MASTER don't stop hurting me" i slap her big ass again, start to unzip my pants and slap my cock on her ass cheek and start to thrust her anallu, and pound her asshole so hard until she cry a lot but she can do nothing, i own her already, i still pounding her ass so hard and start to pulling her hair "IT HURT SO DAMN MUCH" and her tits bouncy a lot
I put off my cock from her ass and thrust my cock into her tight pink pussy since i use her one half year ago, we already have one baby from seeun's womb but i can't stop use her, i pounding her wet pussy so hard and pull her hair, she just moan loudly "FUCK IT'S SO NICE AAHHHH" and i still fuck her pussy really hard, i start to pull her hands behind her back and tied them with a rope.
She can't do anything, I said "Who's own you, dog?" And she said "Master, my master bark bark" she is barking makes me hornier, i pound her pussy harder and start to cum a lot in her pussy, ready to get her pregnant again" put a blindfold and leave her while she's still on my bed.
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what, like it’s hard?, pt. one
“it’s just that… if i want to win a seat in congress by the time i’m thirty, i need to find someone who’s serious about my career. not some little elementary school teacher that cares more about his students than what he’s wearing on my campaign stops,” tommy tells steve, as they’re sitting in quite possibly the fanciest restaurant steve’s ever step foot in. the menu hadn’t even included any prices.
“but… i’m seriously in love with you.” steve feels like his whole world is falling apart. just last week he’d been so sure that tommy was getting ready to propose. he’d introduced steve to his family—they’d spent a week out on martha’s vineyard for a family reunion at which steve had met tommy’s great-grandmother, hands laden with rings as she’d winked when tommy had asked for a private conversation. steve had been so sure that conversation was about the family ring.
“and i love you too, baby, but look. you don’t want to have to leave your students for half the year to come on the campaign trail with me, do you?” tommy asks, not even really looking at steve. he continues to just eat his stupid dinner as if he’s not ripping steve’s heart out at this very moment.
and steve can’t help but think how silly this all is, because it’s not like tommy’s actually running for anything right now. steve doesn’t even teach yet, beyond the two days a week he does his student teaching. they’re only 22, they haven’t even graduated northwestern with their bachelors degrees! but tommy’s saying these things as if they’re all real, right now.
“and i’m off to harvard next fall. it’s not like we’ll stay together while i’m there and you’re still here, right?”
and the thing is, steve had actually thought he’d be going with tommy to boston. they’re both set to graduate in the spring, steve with his degree in education and tommy with a dual major in pre-law and political science. they hadn’t really ever talked about it, but they’d been together since the beginning of their sophomore year. so yes, steve had thought they’d still be together when tommy started at harvard law.
but now steve’s starting to feel extra stupid.
“so… what? you’re breaking up with me?” steve starts to feel his chest tightening, like he might cry. he can’t believe that two hours ago he thought he’d been getting ready for a proposal.
“don’t think of it as a breakup, stevie… think of it as a conscious uncoupling. we’re just moving in two different directions. i’ll be at harvard law next semester and you’ll be…” tommy gives him a look of slight disdain—steve has never seen tommy look at him like that. waitstaff? sure. his driver? absolutely. but it’s never been directed at steve before. “well, you’ll be teaching snot-nosed six year olds. we’re on different paths.”
and that’s what truly makes steve’s blood boil. his passion for teaching and education is one of his greatest qualities and he’d thought that had been part of the reason tommy loved him. he didn’t realize that tommy loved him in spite of that. he’s not gonna let some asshole like tommy montgomery hagan iii tell him he’s no good.
so he doesn’t respond. he just takes the linen napkin off his lap and throws it on his half-eaten steak dinner and marches out of the restaurant.
tommy doesn’t even follow him out.
~*~
“oh steve… i’m sorry,” robin says to him about an hour later while steve lays his head in her lap on their dingy couch.
“it’s not even that he broke up with me,” he explains through tears. “it’s that he basically said i was worthless. like i couldn’t do anything better than teaching. as if teaching isn’t even an admirable profession! where would he be without his teachers, huh? isn’t this all about going to stupid harvard? what does he think the professors there actually do? knit?”
“is this a bad time to tell you that i always kind of hated him?” robin says, maybe trying to get him to laugh. but it kind of surprises steve. he sits up, knocking her hands from where they’ve been carding through his hair in the process.
“you did?! no, you didn’t.” he searches robin’s face for a moment and then sighs. “why didn’t you say anything? you could’ve saved me a whole lot of wasted time.”
“babe, you were so gooey-eyed for that guy, nothing i said was gonna change that. a crowbar couldn’t have pried you away from him. but you have to know he was an asshole.” when steve stares at her blankly, she huffs. “steve, he used to offer to cover the whole tab when we went out. how often did he ever actually pay, even for his own drinks? he made poor jonathan cry the last time we were all here for game night, just because jonathan asked for clarification on the rules for pictionary.” steve is still staring at her. “he tried to stiff argyle by offering him a flight on his dad’s private jet instead of paying for his weed and we all know he doesn’t even have access to the jet. dude was cheap as fuck and not even nice about it.”
steve thinks about it. it was kind of true. tommy was a horrible tipper—steve usually laid down a couple of twenties when they went to dinner together when tommy wasn’t looking. he can remember more than a few times where the guy had sent their food back even though it had looked perfectly wonderful to steve. so… okay, maybe robin had a point.
steve tells her as much, then adds, “but he was always nice to me.”
robin snorts. “are you kidding? he’s stood you up so many times i can’t even remember all of them. remember that time he said his first impression of you was that you weren’t as hot as your pictures? who says that to the person they’re dating?”
steve groans and lays his head back down in her lap.
“okay, so maybe you have a point about that too. but i was gonna marry him, rob. what do i do now?” he knows he’s whining, but he feels just a little bit entitled to it right now.
“i don’t know, babe. get over it, i guess. welcome to the world of us singles. it sucks out here.” steve can hear the fondness in robin’s voice as she says it, but still. it does sting just a little.
they sit there in silence for a while, with robin running her hands through his hair again. it’s so soothing that he almost jumps out of his skin when she speaks again.
“hey, you know what would be super funny?” she’s laughing a little as she says it.
“what?” steve had been dozing just a little and his voice sounds muffled by fatigue.
“if you got into harvard and just showed up on the first day. imagine the look on his face.”
steve laughs at how ridiculous that sounds. like he could get into harvard. plus, he’s got teaching to think about. he doesn’t have a place yet, but he knows he’ll get one soon.
but as he sits there with robin’s hands stroking through his hair, he begins to daydream about how shocked tommy would be. about how he’d have no choice but to eat his words when steve proves himself by getting into one of the most competitive programs in the country. about how good it would feel to prove the bastard wrong.
“robin?” she hums in response. “you’re a goddamn genius.”
~*~
“dingus, are you sure you want to do this?”
the spring semester starts in three days. it’s their last semester at northwestern and there’s nothing but great big darkness on the horizon of steve’s future. he hasn’t slept in two days, busy studying, thick workbooks piled around around him at the kitchen table. he knows what he must look like, over-caffeinated with bruises under his eyes.
“i’m sure.” steve has his lsat exam in one week. “i have to take the exam this week. apps are due by march first.”
“no, steve, i don’t mean taking the test. i mean applying at all. it’s clearly more stress than it’s worth. do you even want to go to law school?” robin sounds concerned and normally steve would think it’s very sweet, but currently it does nothing but irritate him.
“i could,” he responds grumpily.
robin sighs. “i just mean… is this worth it?”
steve looks up then and sees her biting her lip, clearly worried about him. he puts his pencil down and stops the timer on his phone, giving her his full attention.
“this isn’t just about tommy.” robin gives him a skeptical look and it’s his turn to sigh. “it’s really not. maybe it started out that way, maybe it was just a stupid joke to get revenge on the asshole, but now it’s more than that. it’s proving that i can do something unexpected of me.” he swallows. “no one even believed i would get into college. i was just some stupid jock in high school who’d never amount to anything. and then i got in to northwestern and i was so shocked and happy. but i found out that my dad had actually pulled a bunch of strings. so i hadn’t gotten in on my own merits. he didn’t think i could. but now…” he runs a hand through his hair nervously. he’s never said any of this out loud before. “he’s not around now. there’s no one to help me. no safety net. if i can do this, it’ll prove something to me. something that maybe i don’t really believe yet.”
he expects robin to say something about external validation being a corrupting force and identity built on academic achievement being solely a losing game, but she doesn’t. instead, she sits down across the table from him and picks up a workbook.
“okay,” she says. “what do we have to do?”
~*~
“mail here?” steve calls out when he hears the front door close behind robin.
there’s a moment that feels like a pause. “yeah, it’s here.”
steve practically sprints from his bedroom to his living room. robin holds a single white envelope in her hand. steve all but snatches it from her.
his fingers move to rip it open, but then he hesitates. he thrusts it back towards robin. “i can’t,” he tells her. “you do it.”
her eyebrows shoot up. “you’re sure?” steve nods. he watches her rip the envelope open, bouncing on his feet. she scans the page and then she’s smiling.
steve grabs the paper from her. “oh my god?!” he yells. “oh my god!”
robin practically jumps into his arms. “179, baby! harvard law here we come.”
~*~
even after such a successful run at the lsats, there’s still the little matter of actually getting in to the school. steve’s only experience with the academic application process was with undergrad and it appears that applying for anything beyond a bachelors degree is an entirely different ball game. he’s so out of his depth that he’s forced to turn to grad school message boards for advice and tips of how to get in. it seems like everyone else is applying to a hundred different schools while steve’s only applying to one. he learns this is a terrible strategy for planning one’s future, but that doesn’t really matter to steve. for him, it’s harvard or nothing.
there are so many different parts of the application that it makes steve’s head spin. there’s the statement of purpose and the personal statement—the difference between those two requires robin’s careful and slow explanation about three separate times. then there’s the writing sample and the application and the recommendations and the transcripts and and and
but with robin’s help, steve completes each component and successfully sends his materials by the day of the deadline.
steve’s never been a patient person. no one on earth would accuse him of that, so even he can tell that he’s getting on robin’s nerves every day as he practically pounces on her when she returns from collecting the mail.
and then one day, finally, at the end of april, she comes through the front door and clutched in her hand is a big, thick white envelope emblazoned with the words ‘harvard law’ in bold, beautiful crimson red.
~*~
“last chance to back out,” robin says smiling as she swings herself up into the passengers seat of their rented u-haul.
“nah.” steve returns her smile as he slides his sunglasses from his hair onto his face. “let’s get out of this dump.”
and with that, they leave their first apartment behind, headed to the coast.
[wanted to finish this completely before posting but my benadryls kicking in and i have no self control. eventual steddie, promise! no tag list for this one, sorry!! it’s giving me anxiety on the other one lol absolutely not edited, if u see a typo no u don’t. i wrote this on my phone in a feverish frenzy. also, i originally invented someone for the role of warner but then i was like ‘IDIOT!!!!! why would u not choose tommy?????’ so if there’s a name in here that shouldn’t be, no there isn’t.]
#the not as hot as ur pictures thing is a real thing my ex said to me after we’d been together for like six months lol called me ugly 😭#legally blonde au#steddie#steddie fic#steddie legally blonde au#this will EVENTUALLY be steddie if i write more lol#robin buckley#steve harrington#platonic stobin#steddie fanfic#steddie ficlet#i’m setting it up!!!!!#eddie will be a bartender not a law guy sorry!!!! lawyer!eddie just don’t feel right to me#steddie fanfiction#steddie blurb#guess what i watched tonight#well i also watched mean girls lol#here have this half finished thing#i wanted to finish it before posting but
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hii can you write something about monoma having a crush on a 1-A reader who has a personality like him but a little more nicer? have a great dayy
Everyone is better than me
Monoma x reader oneshot 0.6k words
You’ve always felt like a side character, worthless, expendable. it's something that kind of haunts you. You were surprised when you got into U.A.
But, oh, your classmates. they were the best people on earth (except Mineta). Midorya went through so much to improve. Bakugo, despite being an asshole was talented, he had every right to brag with a quirk like that. Ururaka’s bubbly persona never failed to lift people’s spirits. Mina and Kirishima were the best people to give you motivation. Momo always tried to get you to understand your worth but you didn’t seem to budge.
You were kind of overwhelmed to be surrounded by such awesome people. They were practically shining stars, so much so that it blinded you. You wish to shine as bright as they do but you know you never will. Despite feeling inferior to them, you couldn’t be more thankful to them.
Your class was your lifeline and you always praised them. Your classmates have been targeted and come out triumphant every time. Why wouldn’t you be proud? You would praise your classmates, obviously not in an obnoxious way like a certain someone, who always seemed to try and 1-up you when you talked about them.
You were always talking about them– not yourself, which caught the attention of Kendo, who recently worked with Momo.
You were eating lunch with Mina in the cafeteria. You two were brainstorming on a class project and decided to sit away from the rest of your friends because you would get distracted.
Unfortunately, Mina had to use the bathroom, leaving you alone. This is when Kendo came up to you, asking you about school.
You started talking about what the rest of your class was doing in detail, making sure to praise them. Monoma who was in the area noticed, he tried to one-up you like always before Kendo karate chopped him. Kendo then cocked her head, returning her attention to you.
“And, what about you?”
You were stumped. You just assured her that there was nothing interesting going on with you. She stopped you, asking why you didn't wanna talk about yourself. You were kind of stunned at her bluntness, she went straight to the point. You sighed,
“Because I'm not as amazing as them, and I probably never will be. But, I don't think that matters, because being able to support them is enough for me.”
She gave you a somber smile. she didn’t really know what to say, which was new. She usually knew how to cheer people up. She’d have to get back to you later, her focus was now on Monoma, whom she half expected to start dogging on you. He didn’t say anything though.
She waved you bye and retreated back to her table.
That's when everything kind of clicked for Monoma.
He was usually intellectual and able to grasp others' emotions and feelings, but when it came to class 1-A and by association, you, he went on autopilot. His main objective was to dogshit on 1-A to bring light to 1-B accomplishments and that they were just as great as 1-A.
Ever since then, he’s seen you in a different light, maybe even developed a fat fucking crush.
Mentioned before, but he goes on auto pilot when around class 1-A, so he doesn’t realize when he says things like–
“Maybe take a note out of [name]’s book and be more humble, because you look like a fool” he’d say taunting Bakugo.
One time bakugo called you an extra when you offered him help in a subject he was struggling in (which is rare for bakugo), and suddenly Monoma appeared behind him.
“Maybe that’s why you bombed the test, you think you're better than everyone huh— your fragile ego can't take a hit so you have to take it out on [Name]! Be grateful someone like them is even offering help to such a lowlife braindead creature such as yourself!”
That's when Deku caught on.
Monoma not-so subtly praising you is something most of 1-A doesn’t really take note of, but Kendo and Deku are absolutely appalled.
#neito monoma#monoma#monoma x reader#monoma neito#neito x reader#mha neito#monoma neito x reader#mha x reader#my hero academia
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the party and the after party
you and Leon hate each other, simple enough. CW: smut!
To put it simply, Leon is an asshole. A pure pile of dogshit you want to leave on the ground for someone else to deal with. He’s cocky to the point of narcissism, unnecessarily rude under the guise of “sarcasm,” and doesn’t seem to care enough to ever apologize. Essentially, the opposite of you, with straight As and a track record of volunteer work, the epitome of a goody two shoes which you don’t see as an insult anyway.
So, when he shows up at your birthday party unannounced and uninvited, it takes pretty much everything in you to not walk over and slap the grin off his stupid face.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Leon.” It’s not said like a question. The words roll off your tongue coated in venom, and to be honest the few drinks in your system have made you more confident than you actually feel.
“What’s wrong? Thought this lame excuse of a party could use some entertainment.” Leon cocks his head to the side and gives you a wink, unbothered by the obvious tension in the room.
Everyone here knows the fights between you guys get real nasty real fast, the last time it happened you both got kicked out of the library for yelling and throwing books. That time though, it was because Leon had copied your scholarship project idea and submitted it before you, forcing you to redo the entire thing a week before the deadline.
“You weren’t invited, shithead, and why would you even think I would want you here in the first place? All you do is walk around like you own everything and treat people like they're worthless.” Heat was rushing to your face now, and you didn’t really mean to escalate things so quickly, but when he stood in front you with a look of pure spite, who could really blame you?
Leon simply shrugged, pushing past and knocking into your shoulder on the way through the hallway. As he moved by, he leaned down next to your ear and whispered, “if you really want me to leave, it’ll take more convincing than a few middle school level insults.” He let out a chuckle at the way your body tensed before continuing on his way inside the house.
It’s an hour later before you see him again, this time with his head thrown back laughing at a joke someone said. He’s leaning against the kitchen counter, one hand holding a red solo cup and the other firmly planted around the waist of some girl you know from an old volunteer group.
It’s unclear why, but you find yourself walking over and grabbing another cup. Leon’s eyes are locked onto your every move and his mouth is curled into another one of his signature smirks as he raises his drink.
He watches you accidentally pour a little more liquor than necessary into the cup, follows the motion as you bring it to your lips and tilt your head back to swallow the entirety of the liquid in one go. You catch his gaze for a second, wincing slightly at the burn of the vodka sliding down your throat, and see him lean down to tell the girl something before letting her go and striding over to where you stand.
“For someone who turns homicidal over a little project, I’m not surprised that that didn't make you puke.” The sarcasm in his voice is not lost on you, it wasn’t a compliment. You look up to meet his eyes, glaring intently while deciding how to respond.
“Guess you don’t have me as figured out as you think you do then.” You turn away from him and attempt to pour another shot for yourself, but Leon’s hand is suddenly ripping the bottle away from you. “What the fuck is your problem? Does it look like that was for you?”
Leon shoots you a devilish grin, uncapping the liquor and bringing the mouth of the bottle up to his own lips before taking a long, exaggerated pull. Setting the bottle back on the counter, he replies “You said it yourself didn’t you? I own everything.”
“That’s not what I said. I said you act like you own everything, big difference dumbass.” You roll your eyes at him and shove him backwards, noticing how close he had gotten over the last minute. Leon barely blinks an eye at the reaction, and instead of letting you walk away, grabs your wrist roughly to pull you back towards him. He’s turned you around so your back is pressed into the counter and you can feel his breath on your face as he speaks. “Are you always this bratty? Or is this something you save just for me?”
The hold he has on your wrist is tight, tight enough that you think it should hurt if you didn’t have the amount of adrenaline equivalent to skydiving running through your body right now. “You think me telling you you’re a piece of shit is being bratty? I’m pretty sure if I was being bratty, I wouldn’t win all our fights.”
“You think you’re so much better than me because what? You get good grades? Win some scholarships? Newsflash, sweetheart, people are only friends with you because it looks good. Because you’re a pushover and they want to use you for their own gain. At least, that’s what I’ve heard anyway.” Leon releases your wrist and reaches for his cup again, smiling like he just won the fucking lottery.
The rage boiling inside you is not well hidden, and your impulse control is significantly lacking in your current state. Instead of playing the “bigger person” and staying silent this time, you grab his cup and splash it directly in his face before turning and storming out of the room, leaving a now sufficiently soaked Leon in your wake.
Stomping up the stairs, gripping the handrail so tight you might as well bring it with you, you make your way to the second floor bathroom. You step instead and slam the door shut, albeit a tad harder than was necessary, but you can’t find in you to care right now.
As you're splashing cool water on yourself and attempting to pull it together, it is your birthday after all, the doorknob jiggles slightly before the door swings open to reveal none other than the man you wish would burn to ash under your gaze. Bile pools in your stomach at the sight of Leon, strutting into the poorly lit bathroom without a care in the world as if he didn’t just stab you with a knife and twist the blade.
“Long time no see, your majesty.” He makes a point of overexaggerating a bow before roughly shoving you out of the way of the sink and grabbing a towel to wipe his face. “You know, you’re really just as much of a piece of shit as I am with the way you act towards me.”
Rage fuels you at this point, a string of sentences too obscene even for you snaking their way around your tongue, held back only by the determination to not prove his point. You scoff and cross your arms over your chest, “If I was such a bad person, I wouldn’t be helping as many people as I do.”
“Right, because changing the world is all about being a kiss ass who does whatever they’re told.” Leon rolls his eyes before continuing, “Don’t you get bored of being who everyone else wants you to be?”
The question could be read as caring if you didn’t hear the malice in Leon’s tone, words chosen specifically because he knew it was something that would get under your skin. “Who said I’m not doing what I want? Just because you can’t handle the thought of caring about another human being doesn’t mean I can’t too.”
“That’s what you want? A nice house with a nice job and a nice car and a nice boy who praises everything you do? I’m not convinced, but if that’s what life is about for you,” He paused briefly, turning away from the sink and taking a step towards you, “then I hope you fucking hate every second of it.”
White noise filled your eardrums, blood rushed to your face, and you stick a pointer finger in his chest as you respond “What makes you think I care about your opinion? Why would anything you say hold any meaning to me? You’re just scared because you know you’ll end up alone and sad regardless.”
A shift in Leon’s eyes signal you touched a nerve, and his usually flippant demeanor suddenly morphed into a look of fury that you had yet to observe up close. You became increasingly aware of the wall behind you and the way Leon continued to press forward, leaving minimal space between the two of you.
The tone of his voice when he spoke was lower than before and raspy, as if he was fighting an internal battle to not smash something. “You think you’re some untouchable princess that gets whatever you want handed over on a silver fucking platter, but I swear to god,” his voice dropped impossibly lower as he placed one hand on either side of your head, caging you in against the wall, “I could ruin every good thing about you right now if I wanted to.”
Centimeters separated your faces, heavy breathing filled the space as both of you stared the other down, not willing to be the first one to break away. “Such a fucking shame that someone as pretty as you has to be so damn ugly,” he begins twirling a strand of your hair around his finger, “I guess nice guys finish last because you don’t let them come first, huh?”
Your breath was caught in your throat at the implication behind his words, mind reeling both at the way you wanted to break his nose and also prove him wrong. “Nice guys finish last, Leon , because they know how to be a gentleman unlike you.”
Your voice comes out shakier than intended, but you stand your ground, eyes locked onto his as he suddenly stops twirling and instead grabs a fistful of your hair and pulls your head back into the wall with a thud. “Maybe so, but nice guys don’t know how to fully satisfy you, do they? Always left wanting more, just like everything else in your life.”
Leon’s grip in your hair was brutal, keeping you in place as his whispered insults travel the short distance to your ear and his mouth ghosts over the skin of your neck. “You haven’t asked me what I want in life, princess.”
You draw in a slow breath, extremely aware of every nerve on the right side of your neck where Leon’s teeth nip at you. “Why should I care what you want, asshole?”
“Because, darling, I think you might like it.” You feel a wicked grin spread over his face as he bites down, hard, right under the curve of your jaw. “I want everyone downstairs to know you like screaming my name in more ways than one.”
Another bite, just below the first.
“I want to show you that you don’t deserve anyone better than me.”
A third bite lands even lower than the others.
“And, I want you to admit that it feels good to give up for once.” Leon’s tongue presses flat against your throat, moving swiftly up over the places he just bit, his spit cooling the fire on your skin only slightly.
“Tell me I’m wrong, and I’ll stop, but if you say nothing, well, there’s no one here to stop me from taking what I want is there?” Leon lifted his head back up to meet your eyes, dark pools of anger staring as you fight to try to form a sentence, a word even, to tell him to get the fuck away from you and leave you alone for good.
You pause for a second too long, Leon now placing both hands on your shoulders and practically throwing you on your knees in front of him. Letting out a groan of pain as you land on the tile, Leon looks down at you with nothing but a grandiose aura surrounding him. “Look at you, on your knees for someone you claim to hate so badly.”
“You shoved me down here, now my knee hurts and I’m too drunk to want to get up.” The sentence comes tumbling out of your mouth, embarrassment rising and rapidly overtaking the red hot rage fueling you before.
“Sure, but I bet if I took my cock out you’d suck it anyways, wouldn’t you? You want to be a slut, don’t you? But it would ruin the perfect little image everyone has of you.”Leon leans down to place a hand around your throat, squeezing so hard you think you might pass out before anything else can happen. “I know you, and I know you’re willing to take whatever the fuck I’m about to give you, so shut the fuck up and open that disgusting mouth of yours.”
He releases the grip on your throat and you let out a cough, gasping for the air that was so forcibly removed from you, and sit back on your heels without saying a word. You glare up at him, and if love is thinking someone planted the stars in the sky just for you, your hatred for Leon was as if he had stolen each and every one for himself, leaving behind a trail of tears everywhere he went. Leon makes quick work of removing his belt and unbuttoning his pants, pulling them down around his thighs and revealing the aching hard on hiding beneath. You steal a glance at it, taking note of how easy it would be to punch him and run for it, but something keeps you frozen in place and waiting for his next move.
A hand angrily grabs at your face, gripping the sides of your jaw and a calloused thumb reaches to force your lips to part. “By the way,” he drops his hand away and pulls his briefs down in one motion, “I’m not going to apologize if I leave bruises,” he takes the base of his cock in one hand and brings the tip up to meet your mouth, precum glazing over your bottom lip, “and I definitely won’t apologize when I finish first.”
With a harsh thrust forward,Leon forces his entire cock into your mouth, hitting the back of your throat and causing you to choke around him. He takes a sharp inhale between gritted teeth, looking down and whispering a string of curse words before moving his hips back only to immediately slam himself into your mouth again.
Tears spring to the corners of your eyes almost instantly, the force of him fucking into your mouth causing your head to hit the wall before he snakes fingers into your hair and holds you still. The sounds of spit and breathy moans fill the bathroom, faint music from downstairs is heard as Leon sets a relentless pace on your throat.
“Fuck, look at you, such a dirty fucking slut. I wish everyone could see you right now, gagging on my fucking cock and whining like a little bitch.”Leon’s words send a tremor down your spine as you look back up at him with blurry eyes and tear stained cheeks. “No one will ever want you when they find out what a whore you are. Just a toy for others to play with. Fuck.” Leon suddenly pulls out of your mouth, the hand in your hair forcing you to a standing position as the other rips open the button down shirt you had on. He makes quick work of pulling it off you, kicking his pants into a corner at the same time. He pushes you to the other side of the room, stomach pressed against the edge of the sink as you stare at yourself in the mirror.
“Be a good fucking whore for me and take those pants off, yeah?” He whispers menacingly into your ear, the implication of what’s about to happen dancing on his tongue with each syllable. You find yourself complying, too shaken from the events that are unfolding to put on a facade of denial. Slowly, you push your jeans down and over the curve of your ass, and as soon as skin is exposed a harsh slap is delivered, sending you forward and clutching onto the counter edge.
“Hurry the fuck up, bitch, you think I want this to last all night?”Leon growls out, taking your pants the rest of the way off in one aggressive pull. You let out a whimper as the skin on your ass turns red and the shape of Leon’s hand appears to mark the sinful acts being done. “Look at yourself, bent over and naked, crying and panting like a fucking dog, and I haven’t even fucking touched you. Pathetic.”
You can’t help the small and high pitched moan that escapes your mouth, something about the way he was saying these things to you made you completely pliant under him. You didn’t want to admit it, but you wondered if there was anybody else who could make you feel like this.
“Leon-” Another hard slap is delivered, this time on the back of your thigh, and it makes your knees weak enough where you feel like it’d be easier to crumple back down on the floor.
“Did I say you could fucking talk? I don’t want to hear a word from you unless I ask, and even then it should only be you begging me to fuck you.” Suddenly a hand was pulling your hair again, this time forcing you to make eye contact with him in the mirror as he jerked himself off with his free hand. “Say yes if you understand.”
The pain was mixing with pleasure at this point, sharp and shooting but so fucking sweet. You gasp out at the whiplash of being manhandled this way and liking it. “Y-yes.” Your voice is a whisper and you’re unsure if he even heard it at all, but then he arches your head back somehow further and spits on you without warning, and you can barely think about anything at all regardless.
“Yes, what?” He smiles at you, not kindly and not the way someone who was enjoying themselves would. No, instead, he smiled at you like he owned you. Like you were a prize he only won because he knew he could. Like you were merely a pawn in a game of chess that he played with his eyes closed. And it drove you fucking crazy.
“You don’t deserve more than the yes, asshole.” You gasp out in between breaths, body trembling and aching from the aggression being taken out on you.
That sealed your fate, the grip in your hair going limp as he takes his cock and lines it up with your entrance, not even bothering to check if you were ready though you knew he didn’t care either way. Rough hands found their way to either side of your hips, a bruising grip as he pulled you back onto his dick, beginning to pound into you using years of pent up anger to fuel him. One hand slid it’s way up and around to the front of your throat, squeezing again over the bite marks he left behind earlier.
He paused for a second, his dick deep inside you and your breathing uneven and ragged at the sheer size of him. You hated that it felt good, hated that you wanted him to break you in half.
“Still think I only deserve a yes?” Leon saw the way your eyes rolled back as he thrusted in, noticed the hitch in your breathing and the way your hips have started rotating in circular motions since he stopped. He picked up on all of it, and now he was a man on a goddamn mission.
You felt him bend down to grab something off the floor, hearing the jingle of his belt as he replaced his hand with the cool leather, looping it through and pulling the end of it like it was a fucking leash. “Remember when I said I wouldn’t apologize for leaving bruises?”
You didn’t have time to answer before he started thrusting into you again, the pace somehow faster and harder than before and making you see white spots in your vision. He tugged back on the belt, the lack of oxygen to your brain making everything else heightened as if you were free falling off the Empire State building.
You reached your hands out to place flat against the mirror, sweaty palms leaving behind streaks as Leon’s dick broke you down over and over until you weren’t even holding yourself up, the belt around your neck the only thing keeping you from slamming your face into the countertop.
The sounds you let fall out of your mouth somewhere between a cry and a moan echoed off the walls and mixed with the sound of skin hitting skin. Leon suddenly releases his deathgrip on the belt and pulls it off your head, never letting his pace falter, and gripping it in one hand. You let your head fall forwards, gasping and entire body shaking, he lifts one of your legs up onto the edge of the sink driving himself deeper inside you, forcing out a choked “f-fucking sh-shit, Leon.”
The crack of leather against skin breaks through the noise, causing you to yell out and try to move towards the mirror and away. Leon’s grip is strong as he moves you back to the edge, “remember what I fucking said about not talking?” Another slap from the belt blanks out your mind, every thought in your head nothing short of a pleading cry for more.
“Pl-please.” You choke out through sobs, weak and feeble, and you can see the way it makes the fire in Leon’s eyes ignite. He looks like a predator, like something that could swallow you whole and leave no trace you existed, and it makes you sick realizing you would let him.
“There it is,” Leon groans, “begging like the fucking slut I knew you were. Too bad I don’t. fucking. care.” He throws the belt back to the floor, hands digging into your sides leaving crescent shaped imprints and red scratch marks. His voice is rough around the edges, eyes roaming every inch of your body as he continues to fuck into you.
You feel the sensations pooling in your lower stomach, the intensity of everything catching up with you as you continue sobbing and pleading with him to just fucking touch you more. But, a man of his word, Leon’s pace becomes sloppy and his moans grow louder as he reaches his high.
A final hard thrust jerks you forward, hands splayed in front of you as he throws his head back and groans, finishing inside you. He continues to fuck you through his orgasm, out of breath and covered in a layer of sweat, both of you significantly less drunk than when this all started. Leon pulls out and you let slip a small whine at the feeling of loss as you collapse onto the counter when he lets go of your hips. You attempt to catch your breath and ground yourself again as Leon walks around cleaning himself off with the towel he had used on his face earlier. He tosses the towel in your general direction, landing on your back and causing your body to twitch involuntarily.
You glance up in the mirror, looking at the bruises covering your neck and shoulders, and see Leon sliding his clothes back onto his body. “What are you doing?” You wanted it to sound more mean, but it comes out needy and desperate.
“I got what I wanted, now have a good fucking time explaining this to everybody else.” And with that,Leon flashes a terrifyingly calm smile as he gathers the rest of his things off the floor and walks out of the room, leaving you with his cum dripping down your thighs and slouched over, alone.
You let out a sigh, “I fucking hate him so much.”
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