#this arc is giving me 50 shades of frustrations

[fivekrystalpetals]

I am almost at the end of the Head Hunter Arc and there are a hundred story threads all running parallel so I would def have to re-read once again to fit in the sequence of events. Anyway, I will make a longer post about all my thoughts later,, but now I really really wanna get this off my chest.

warning: rant underneath, please check the tags for the subject of rant, proceed with caution—don’t come @ me if this is your favorite character

Reim died—and I did not feel a single thing. In fact, I am more frustrated he died just like that than his oh-dear-poor-guy plight being shown to me. Am I supposed to feel sorry for him? I just can’t.

He is the worst kind of character—the ones who always want to maintain the status quo, the ones who think they can get away with anything because they are on the side of self-proclaimed ‘Good’, and whatever they do is ‘needed for the greater good’.

This guy single handedly, with one bullet, ruined whatever positive interactions might have occurred between the Baskervilles and the heroes (Break at least? Because Vincent, who is already working with the Baskervilles, is on... idk what side?)

I still maintain the Baskervilles were pulled into some major political conspiracy and they were forced to kill all those people in Sablier in order to ‘save’ them from getting turned into chains.

[The more the author shows me their flashbacks and how happy they were as a family—

look at them, they are the literal essence of found family ;-;—

shedding happy tears rn ;-; Fang, Doug and Lottie were best Dads/Big bro/Mom/Big Sis to Lily. 

—the more I feel like they were never sadistic cold-blooded mass murderers in the first place.]

See, Break and Lottie were making baby steps towards coming to work together for a common cause. On their next meeting, when Break put his sword to Lottie’s throat, she, whether fearing his power and deciding to buy time or what, did make an attempt to understand him rather than trying to jump in for a fight at once.

And then, when the ‘false’ Baskervilles came onto the scene, they were forced to make an unwilling alliance to defeat them albeit for a moment.

I had hoped—one more meeting and then maybe, hopefully, at least, these two would put aside their differences and misunderstandings and start working together to exchange information and unravel all the mystery of the Tragedy; in the process, the heroes start to slowly realize the true nature of the Baskervilles.

But no. Reim just had to ruin everything. He heard Lily’s story, came to the realization that Baskervilles weren’t monsters but ‘laughed just like us’, and decided... ok this child is innocent but she will definitely kill many more people in the future so let me shoot her right through her head now and finish her off.

I had been reading with a smile on my face because their interactions were so cute, the way she tried to console him and relate to him, the way she squealed on seeing the March Hare (March Hare really is cute btw)—and then, bam! I was more shocked when he ‘killed’ her than when Fang announced Reim was dead.

I can’t put this in a better way either so here we go—Reim is an idiot. 

Here is a child that spills out everything unprompted if you simply humor her for a bit. She is a literal goldmine of information about the elusive Baskervilles. All you have to do is pretend-play with her that you are her ‘friend’ and she will tell you all tidbits from her life. All ‘truths’ because she has no reason to lie to a friend. “Family is good of course, but friends are good too.” She trusts her family, she trusts her friends. 

Instead, what Reim does is go for the kill.

Without even understanding the basic nature of Baskervilles. 

He didn’t know or even bother to find out Baskervilles could heal before playing his trump card. 

Is he not Rufus Barma’s apprentice? Did he not learn a thing from the tenacious information broker, who deals with even life-and-death matters using information?

Has he never heard of the saying—half knowledge is a dangerous thing? Does he not know of buying time? Never heard of humoring someone? If she wants to see your chain, show her that, play with her till you manage to pass information to your friends and then when Break or someone strong enough to handle her hellhound arrives on scene, capture her alive, gdi! (I remember that scene from Dark Era when Dazai got frustrated that Akutagawa killed off half a dozen hopeful sources of information. Now, I understand his frustration.) 

In fact, he did not even wait to hear her full story, asked a question or two, came to the conclusion that they are gonna reenact the Tragedy of Sablier—(after listening to a gullible child, btw. She is ofc gonna listen to her elders. If they say yes, then yes; if they say no, then no. How in the world do you make such a major decision after listening to the words of a child? And once again, I am not so sure if the Baskervilles indeed enacted the First Tragedy of Sablier in the first place. He is jumping to conclusions there too.)

—and shoots her through her head. Whether she died or not doesn’t matter here. She survived because of her super healing power. What matters here is that yes, Reim did have full killing intention when he shot her. Had she been a normal human, she’d have died. It was her brains that he intended to blow out. No way she was gonna survive that if she were a human. 

He is the one that betrayed her budding trust. Sorry but I have no sympathy for him. If she used her chain to rip his throat, that’s on him. He shot the first bullet. Whatever she does afterwards counts as self-defense for me.

Well, here comes another idiot, Break, who doesn’t know any of this. Without even finding out what transpired there, he directly jumped in to fight against two self-healing Baskervilles all by himself, spitting blood, lost eyesight, can’t-last-too-long-in-a-battle and all as he is, in order to ‘avenge’ his friend.

Lottie, please come and talk all of this out—is what I wanted to say, because she seems the only one with brain cells among this bunch of idiots. 

see, I can even draw up the parallels between the Break-Lottie 'friendship' and Reim-Lily 'friendship'. 

When Break offered her to be his ‘friend’ (Break being a way more powerful opponent compared to Lottie, she was completely overpowered and at his mercy), she got through alright. Even on their second meeting when Break wanted to ‘shred her to pieces’ for killing Reim (which she probs has no idea of. It’s Lily who found him.), she managed to buy time if only with the appearance of the ‘fake’ Baskervilles and later escape.

Whereas when Lily, a child with a bit stronger chain than Reim’s (or so he says, for idk what his chain does) asked Reim to be her ‘friend’, he goes for the kill. oh no, poor guy doesn’t know how to buy time with a talkative, gullible child who has long given up on wanting to kill him and wanted to simply chat with him *sigh*

Same situation, different brains, different outcomes.

But because of that one stupid brain, all is gone to waste. No way an alliance between Break and the Baskervilles is gonna take place after this. I mean, I don't know if he meant it when he said this--

what are the many things he wanted to tell her please i wanna know i am dying for more interactions between them please

But it is too late now. It has turned into a kill-or-be-killed situation. 

As of the present, it is Break vs Fang and Lily; and istg if something happens to any one of them, I will personally kill Reim. all over, once again. painfully.

I love all the three and I can’t see even one of them die over an idiot who caused his own death because he is an idiot. 

[ratabrasileira]

I love how Az pines after ONE female, and suddenly he's this evil, awful Fae male. admittedly, its a little weird for it to go on for so long but whatever, it's SJM. we never said the shit she writes makes sense, but not once not ONCE has he ever forced himself on Mor. they're friends, but she knows he has a crush on her and that's the extent of it.

then the entire fandom sexually objectifies and fantasizes about him for years. YEARS. then he has One Horny Thought about Elain and suddenly he's canceled. i really fail to understand how this is Az's fault. have the headcanons of the fandom really poisoned peoples minds so much?? they're out here calling him daddy dom and wanting him to spank and choke them à la S&M Rihanna, but when he (mentally! to his godsdamnself!) admits he jacks off to the thought of Elain sometimes (btw, a completely normal fucking thing to do,) suddenly he's the Devil and Must Be Canceled as if the fandom hasn't been sexually objectifying and drooling over him as a 50 shades type character this entire time.

seems pretty hypocritical imo. idk. that might just be me.

Oh hello, nonnie.

Tbh I've never paid too much attention on Azriel. I joined this fandom in the beginning of this year and tumblr was all about Nesta and Rhys and yes, Az and the ship war (I was obsessed with Feysand). But now that I'm paying attention to his character... I can't enjoy him and I'll explain you why. Yet, I do think he has a very interesting backstory and I would definitively read his heal arc; he's a good guy we all know that, otherwise he wouldn't be in the IC (some people may disagree on this lmao).

"He has never forced himself on Mor." True, but he reminds her of his feelings and that it's always there. I don't know about you, anon, but for me it would be creepy to have a guy pining after me and just... don't get the hint that "heeey we don't have a chance". Mor want to be his friend, but Az was hopeful that her feelings for him would be somehting more in the five centuries that they live together. Also, I don't think he'd loved Mor, maybe for a few years, but then what was supposed to be love turned to be an obsession. I can't with it; it brings me weird feelings.

Anyways, others reason for me to dislike him:

The way the fandom portraits him; as you said, a sexual object. Yeah, falf of my frustration is about the fandom and not the character itself. The things I see people saying about him is how sexy and misterious he is and a idead of how Azriel is like. I didn't read fics or headcanons about him to say that there is a fanom Azriel, but I don't doubt that there is; not when I see people saying that his POV was so OOC (we don't even know the guy). So, I don't want to be associated to this Azriel idea.

He is quiet, he doesn't show his opinion frequently and when he does, he tries to leave as the good guy. I can't connect with it. I used to spend most of my time playing video games with people like Azriel. I'm not saying that he'll be quiet and then say something disgusting, but the impression he gives to me is something like that. It's awful to think that a guy is cool, like "yeeeeh we're having a good time together" and then the guy says "oh but not all men" or "but you're a woman!"

He's sad and need therapy and, nonnie, the amount of "exposed" on twitter that I saw because of it. There are real people thinking that sad boys are sexy and all those stuffs and I can't with it. I see this same situation with Azriel; everybody hype him because he's misterious and good-loking, but he have such heavy traumas and don't know how to deal with it. It's the same situation that happaned with Tamlin and I don't want Azriel to become a Tamlin 2.0 (can you imagine how Feyre will feel specially if Elain becomes a Feyre 2.0?). I want Azriel to heal first and then go after his LI.

He has angry issues.

Now about his sexual thoughts.. I don't think people disliked him for imagining Elain in a sexual way. Everyone (I think) has sexual thoughts and, as you said, it's ok!! It's normal and common and health!! Thing is: he only thought on Elain in a sexual way while it seems that he wanted to build a relationship with her.

I think people started changing their opinion about Azriel because of the redflags that there are in his POV. He only thought about her as a pretty face and a way to find true hapiness with love. He didn't see her. We all know that a relationship like that is unlikely to work, so people got careful about it.

And this situation of him being "freak in bed" actually concerns me mostly because of how will SJM deal with it. But, as I said, I never undestood this hype that he got. I would love to see BDSM representation in the books (please don't make it as 50 shades) and I even have headcanons about it for Az, although it's just a slight and distant idea. What I do care about Azriel is his past and traumas and how he'll deal with it, not how handsome he is.

I hope you undesrtand what I meant, anon. If you disagree with me about anything that I listed feel free to call me out or other stuff, I'm always open to a debate, although half of what I said is my feelings for the concept that I have about the character and personal taste. And sorry about the long post 😅

[dropbee7-blog]

Bulls unable to stop Bucks, 112-99

The Bulls Monday were preparing to play the NBA best Milwaukee Bucks — I know, when did we ever read or hear that sentence before? — and perhaps the league’s Most Valuable Player this season, Giannis Antetokounmpo. Lauri Markkanen was going to draw the unenviable defensive assignment against the NBA’s Mr. Fantastic, who like the Fantastic Four movie character seemingly can twist, stretch and reshape his body into other worldly forms.

So the Bulls’ own seven-foot marvel before the game said he took a look at the history of the once shy European who averaged a negligible 6.8 points as a 19-year-old rookie, Markkanen’s age when he joined the Bulls. Antetokounmpo crept up to 12.7 per game the next season, culminating in the frustration of a playoff suspension when he could not handle the Bulls Mike Dunleavy, and then averaging 16.9 points his third season. It wasn’t until the so-called Greek Freak was working on 23 and 24 years old before he began to break through with scoring averages of 22.9 points and 26.9 points.

The Bulls versatile seven footer didn’t make any predictions. But he didn’t back down Monday, just as he wouldn’t even as the Bulls trailed by three points with under three minutes left, but again couldn’t close and lost 112-99 to Milwaukee.

“Just preparing this game, I kind of looked through his career and he’s improved every year,” noted Markkanen, who had his seventh double-double in the last eight games with 20 points and 17 rebounds.

Markkanen, seemingly finally recovered from that early season elbow injury, is averaging 26.2 points and 13 rebounds the last five games, and 21.5 points and 11.8 rebounds over a 13-game stretch back to mid January. He got support Monday from Zach LaVine with 27 points, seven assists and five rebounds and newcomer Otto Porter Jr. with 18 points, seven rebounds and four assists. Antetokounmpo, however, was dynamic and overwhelming with 29 points, 17 rebounds and eight assists in leading the surprising Bucks. But he wasn’t at Markkanen’s level of play fewer than two seasons into his career.

Greek Freak? Do the Bulls have a Fabulous Finn? Finnish Freak? Hey, you don’t find many seven footers with that kind of shooting touch, determination on the boards and ability to carry the ball full court. Now, that’s freaky.

”That’s what I look forward to doing,” Markkanen said about Antetukounmpo’s career arc. “I know he wasn’t at this level years before. So you just have to keep improving. I’m glad European players are coming back.”

Markkanen smiled, but even if the Bulls couldn’t about an 11th consecutive home loss and the record falling to 13-44, Markkanen’s continuing improvement in even this truncated second season provides some brightness through the gloom of this lost season. Especially with the continued scoring of LaVine despite dragging to the All-Star break this weekend on gimpy ankles and a thigh injury and Porter providing a consistent third offensive option.

“Otto doesn’t even know any of the plays,” laughed LaVine. “He has been playing four and five, so he’s been doing great. Put him in pick and roll and he took over part of the game, facilitating and making shots. He’s a lot more than a catch and shoot guy. Otto has definitely been giving us space. Before, they were loading up on the elbow. So it was hard for me to drive the seam. I can get to the paint and I can create for myself or others. I feel his role is going to be a lot bigger than it was in Washington; his game is better that that.

“Lauri’s a great competitor,” LaVine continued. “He’s not going to back down against anyone. Lauri’s an All-Star, all-NBA type player next couple of years. You see how much his game has already grown from last year to this year, his numbers. And he got off to a slow start with injury. I think he’s going to grow his game every year.”

It just isn’t translating to wins for the Bulls quite yet, and no one is suggesting Markkanen should be the league MVP some day. But Antetokounmpo’s Bucks averaged fewer than 30 wins his first three seasons and 35 wins through his first five. Stardom most often comes to a slow boil, and like that watched pot, it seems never to boil. Until it does.

"I thought Lauri matched (Antetokounmpo) force for force. Lauri is a tough kid, he is not scared of anybody. As a matter of fact he asked me, said ‘I got him, right, I got him?’" - Jim Boylen

“I thought the first half we controlled the game a little bit,” said Bulls coach Jim Boylen, the Bucks with a 50-49 halftime lead. “Got down (12 in the third quarter and cut to one, 14 with five minutes left and trimmed to three). We battled back. I thought our guys played well. Give them credit. [Eric] Bledsoe makes the three when we’re down three and we just couldn’t get it back from there. I burned my timeouts because I thought we just had to keep the game close and under control. I thought we had some great looks that didn’t go down. That happens, but I thought we played hard. Obviously, our bench is a work in progress. We have to get more from our bench. I thought Lauri matched (Antetokounmpo) force for force. Lauri is a tough kid, he is not scared of anybody. As a matter of fact he asked me, said ‘I got him, right, I got him?’"

“I said it after last game. I always like to compete against the best,” said Markkanen.

“With five minutes to go, we got six stops in a row, so that’s good stuff,” said Boylen. “But you have to score, too.”

Like the learned Roseanne Roseannadanna once said. “It just goes to show you, it’s always something. If it ain’t one thing, it’s another. You either got a toenail in your hamburger or toilet paper clinging in your shoe.”

So the Bulls have to just smile, sigh and move on, one more game, at home Wednesday against Joakim Noah and the Memphis Grizzlies, before a week off for the annual NBA All-Star weekend. Markkanen is the only member of the Bulls family going this season, playing in the Friday Rising Stars game for a second time. Next year, the All-Star game will return to Chicago for the first time since 1988 and perhaps there will be more Bulls representation.

They are starting to show some life and competitiveness even if it’s not producing net results in the standings.

“Seems like it’s that broken record every game,” said LaVine, shooting 55 percent in five games this month and 43 percent on threes with four of six against the Bucks.

If anything, he needs to take double the amount of threes he attempts every game as the Bulls once again were outscored on threes. Again, it equalled just about the difference in points. The Bulls spend too much time driving the ball without results, which is the fate of teams with losing records.

The pivotal sequence at the end of the game was a familiar example. Bledsoe dropped in that clutch three with 2:37 left for a 103-97 Bucks lead. LaVine then drove and was battered going up. No call, and the Bucks continued on a 10-0 run to close out the game. Bledsoe made that three with Kris Dunn laying off a bit too much, the Bulls perimeter defenders told to go under screens (Dunn took a hard fall on his back, but said he should be OK for Wednesday). Though there wasn’t a screen on that play, Dunn was shading to help on Antetokounmpo and laying back in the lane. The theory about going under screens is to avoid the mismatch with a big man roll player like Antetokounmpo. Other teams do that, though the Bucks are a dynamic three-point shooting team and made five fourth quarter threes to burn the Bulls. Milwaukee is 42-14.

“We are going to get there,” promises LaVine. “We made good strides I feel like each game in parts of the game. But we have to figure out how to win; that’s the hardest thing for a young team, to make the correct plays at the crucial moments of the game. It was three at one point (late); they came down hit a three, started to get to the free throw line. We get to points when we are not making any shots and not stopping anybody and we have to figure out how to get better; we’re trying to figure out a solution. I know we are going through a tough stretch. We just have to put together five more minutes of good basketball (each game).”

"We made good strides I feel like each game in parts of the game. But we have to figure out how to win; that’s the hardest thing for a young team, to make the correct plays at the crucial moments of the game... I know we are going through a tough stretch. We just have to put together five more minutes of good basketball (each game)." - Zach LaVine

LaVine made his share of tough shots and drives. Markkanen took the challenge of Antetokounmpo and went back strong at him, a late second quarter Markkanen run getting the Bulls within one at halftime. The Bulls third quarter start was shaky, but they recovered with LaVine bailing out Markkanen on a possession Markkanen was blocked twice with a rebound and driving score and Porter with a tough pullup three to get the Bulls within 69-67 late in the third after the Bulls trailed 65-53. It was 79-71 Milwaukee after three and a tough start to the fourth from the reserves before an 11-0 Bulls run with a LaVine three, a Markkanen roll for a score on a nifty LaVine pass, Robin Lopez with a jumper and a baby hook and Markkanen banging his way to the free throw line. But once again there was no finishing kick. Or even a Finnisher’s kick. But perhaps one day.

“When that big dude [Antetokounmpo] gets going downhill, man, he’s a monster,” said Boylen. “Lauri gets 17 rebounds again. Two good young players.”

Source: https://www.nba.com/bulls/gameday/bulls-unable-stop-bucks-112-99-0

[totesmccoats]

Doomsday Clock #3

The opening to this issue, which recreates some of the first pages of the original Watchmen comic perfectly illustrates the biggest problem I’ve had with this series’ art since issue one: the coloring. This isn’t to say that Anderson is doing bad work, just that the aesthetic he chooses for the Watchmen universe undercuts what Watchmen is, and makes its position relative to the DCU awkward.

What the “realistic” colors of the Watchmen universe in Doomsday Clock tells me is that the team behind the book forgot, or are ignoring that Watchmen is – first and foremost – a satire. It’s not parody, but it is heightened all the same, and Higgins’ oversaturated colors – like the red in the original Comedian murder sequence – help the reader understand that they are reading a heightened universe. And where the original Watchmen is a heightened version of the real world and the universes typically expected of comic books at the time, Doomsday Clock, in its coloring as well as its text, seems to position the Watchmen universe as a more realistic take on the superhero genre than the DCU, which, it’s not. While Watchmen ostensibly takes place in a universe that superficially more closely resembles the real world, it is and always has been exactly as fictional as the comics it deconstructs. Right now, the impression I’m getting from Doomsday Clock is that the DCU is some sort of cartoon world that the Watchmen characters are jumping into when that really shouldn’t be the case.

Doomsday Clock corrects this course with the characters of Marionette and Mime, whom represent probably the single best part of the story so far in terms of originality while also fitting perfectly into both universes; and whom have the best scene in this issue that also answers one of the most pressing questions the series has introduced.

Other than that delightful scene, this issue concerns the reunion between Comedian and Ozymandias in Lex Luthor’s office which favors mirroring their earlier fight for references’ sake rather than meaningfully add to the story this book attempts to tell. Rorschach gives Kovak’s journal to Batman to learn about, well, Watchmen; while we learn a bit more about the new Rorschach. And Johnny Thunder, still stuck in assisted living, waits for his children to rescue him while this book’s version of “Tales From the Black Freighter”, a noir movie, plays on a TV in the same room. There’s a lot going on this issue, seemingly lots of thematic set-up with the introduction of the noir movie parallel, but right now it’s mostly lots of scrambled pieces. Not necessarily a bad thing this early in what is ostensibly a mystery story; but a little frustrating that Doomsday Clock still doesn’t feel like it has a point to it beyond crossover appeal.

  Nightwing: The New Order #6

Well, it’s a happy ending, at least. Shades of Kingdom Come, for sure.

In exchange to make Jake no longer a target of the state, Dick leads the Crusaders to the Titan’s Metropolis hideout; but Jake refuses to just go home with his father. Managing to convince his father to switch sides – yet again – Jake and Dick return to try to turn the tides in the last stand between the resistance and the Crusaders by restoring the greatest hero of all to power.

I don’t know, there’s something about having Dick flip-flop one last time for the end of the story that feels unearned. And then the actual end of the conflict involves everyone suddenly dropping everything to fight a new third thing, and it feels like the book drops the ball on actually resolving it’s central conflict of fascism vs. antifa for something more easily digestible.

  Wild Storm #11

Skywatch and IO both continue gearing up for all out war, pushing the limits to get the other to cross the line first. Bendix tells Lauren of the last time the two fought head-on to prepare her for what might come this time. Spicia upgrades herself. Lucy warns Cole that things will get much worse than he expects.

The stand-out part of this issue is Bendix’s flashback, which presents itself as a black-and-white 50’s sci-fi B-movie, with fake looking flying saucers and cold-war panic included. Other than that though, the book continues it’s slow build up to…whatever it’s building up to.

  Amazing Spider-Man #794

It’s been exactly a year since Spider-Man threw Scorpio, the leader of the Zodiac syndicate, a year into the future to prevent him from using future knowledge to conquer the world; and he and Horizon are preparing for his return. Meanwhile, in a secret underwater vault, some Goblin agents retrieve a world-threatening object for their boss.

We’re three issues out from Slott’s last arc of Amazing Spider-Man, and judging from this issue, the next two are also going to be one-shot stories that also set up that last story. And, as long as they’re all as tight as this issue, that should be fine. This issue’s A-plot feels like a distraction in kind of the worst way, but it’s also fine; it’s a short, low-stakes Spidey story that Slott can probably write in his sleep by now. And Immonen, Grawbadger, and Gracia are still delivering some gorgeous art to go with it.

  Black Panther #169

I hope this issue’s cover didn’t get you too excited for a huge Black Panther, Avengers, X-Men team up because none of those characters are even in this one. As Klaw, Stane, Faustus, and Zenzi prepare to sacrifice Ayo to revive Klaw’s sister using a process that unleashes enough sonic energy to render everything else in the issue completely silent; Aneka frees herself from Klaw’s guards, breaks her chains, and goes to rescue her lover.

It’s fine. Basically an issue long action sequence with a sneaky conceit that makes Aneka’s ability to stealthily go through Klaw’s base more believable. That cover is bound to set people up for disappointment though. Heck of a final page tho.

  Marvel Two-in-One #2

Ben and Johnny return to the site of their first adventure, Monster Island, to look for the device Reed left them to explore other dimensions. But instead of the device, they find themselves in the middle of a political dispute between Mole Man and the monsters over who gets to rule the island. Instead of an election, they agree that whichever side kills the interlopers will rule. And, there’s one more visiter to the island who could prove friend or foe.

Zdarksy starts the issue off with Ben in an uncomfortable place, having just told a huge lie to one of his best friends, and having to keep it going to keep that friend in high spirits. Luckily, Ben hides it well, and is able to pal around with Johnny as the latter discusses how he hasn’t showered or brushed his teeth since getting his powers. By the end of the issue, though, while he’s kept up the lie to Johnny, he’s also found a piece of deeper truth to hold on to from his friendship with Reed, a poignant memory regarding one of their other early adventures.

As with Howard and Star-Lord, Zdarsky settles nicely into his protagonists’ melancholy while also digging up what keeps them going. While Johnny is in this to rescue his sister and Reed, Zdarsky makes it clear that Ben is doing this for Johnny. He hates that he has to lie to the kid, but the responsibility he feels to keep Johnny going is also what’s pulling him back into the Fantastic Four swing of adventure.

  Sex Criminals #21

Six months after the break-up Jon grew a beard! Also, he works at the now Apple-Store themed Cumworld sex-shop, full of Zdarsky’s trademark hilarious background jokes. It’s fine, he’s fine. Suzie started dating a museum director whose fine and moved back in with her mom. Again, fine. Not great, but fine. And then they see each-other at a party, and are wearing the exact same outfit. Also fine. It’s fine. He’s fine. She’s fine. Everything’s fine. It’s fine.

Gosh this is a rough issue. Because if you can’t tell, everything’s not fine. Both Jon and Suzie have settled, and neither is happy with it. Not completely. Things are fine, and that’s a problem, because they could be better. On the bright side, Dr. Glass and Dr. Kinkaid seem happy together.

Comic Reviews 1/24/18 Doomsday Clock #3 The opening to this issue, which recreates some of the first pages of the original Watchmen comic perfectly illustrates the biggest problem I’ve had with this series’ art since issue one: the coloring.

[whatrosesupposes]

Vocation - A Trio

A short story written several years ago for an assignment.

I've never been privy to the lazy mornings of the TV generation. Waking up is a quick and painful duty. Cracking the sleep from my joints I stand bruised in front of the mirror, counting my ribs in the half-light. It's 5:30 am and Pilates starts at 6. Jake's still in bed, a shifting mass of duvet resolutely on the left hand side. I can't remember the last time I wanted to reach out and touch him or even to talk to him . Mostly when we're together I just sit and stretch while he sits stoic at his laptop with eyes full of hurt; his frustration at sitting on the wrong side of the literary agent's desk taken out on its keys.

This is our life together; like the north and south hemispheres we coexist, revolving in harmony, but always separate. I bind my toes round with gauze, swaddling blisters and masking the bunions until I'm left with a clean canvas. Today I will create something a miraculous to justify the theatre rental and to prove wrong the ballet teacher, who told me I couldn't do it. I scrape my hair in to submission, driving pins in to the thinning coil of hair and look deep in to my own eyes, willing success to come from 28 years of life experience. Constanze said that dancing is like dreaming with your feet and it's been a long, long nightmare. Grabbing water and a banana I run for the tube.

***

It is a perfect morning on the Westminster Bridge. Sliding in to a minor cadence, I leave the small group of Nikon wielding tourists waiting for more and lean back against the balustrade. The air is clean and it sings in my lungs and caresses my cheeks. It's that early spring warmth which melts away the winter despondency; warming your chest and crowning green beauty with a rhapsody of blossom, I breathe it all in. The change falling in to my guitar case is superfluous noise as London composes its own never-ending soundtrack of bells and languages, traffic and water. Filled with the hope of the morning, I swing my guitar round and serenade the harassed commuters who are hurrying past with the good in the world, as told by Aerosmith.

'It's amazing , with the blink of an eye you finally see the light It's amazing, when the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright'

***

09:06am and I'm still tired. 12 hours sleep, 3 cups of coffee and a 15 minute cycle won't shake the lethargy of a Monday morning. I wonder if perhaps this is what it feels like to be dying; to be slowly melting in to nothingness with no way out and no idea when it will end. Or maybe I'm dead already and passing time in purgatory by filling in God's paperwork, one author rejection at a time.

Dear Mr Patterson,

Further to your phone call, we would be delighted to read a sample of your manuscript with aview to representing your work. Please send an extract of no more than 50 pages, a briefsummary and a covering letter to the address provided along with a self-addressed SAE forfuture correspondence.

Sincerely

<>

What I should really tell them is not to do it. Not to bastardize what is likely a terrible, generic but ultimately beloved manuscript in to 50 pages which will be skimmed by a bored intern, assigned two adjectives and returned to them in a A4 paper coffin whose weight will tell them that it's all over. It takes a certain cool callousness to do this job; the ability to detach human emotions and consequence from the sealing of the envelope, dismissing the tender memoirs of a grandfather as easily as an expose on cheating at the Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling Festival.

I don't think I'm cut out for this; this temporary job is taking over my life. My own writing is suffering, buried under the weight of all the rejections as I imagine each one I address landing on my doorstep. Every lunchtime I ignore the invitations to go out and live, curling in my chair and deleting page after page of what I had written the night before. There's always stuff to delete, born out of the ashes of my relationship with Anna, pages of hurt, tawdry in the light of day, cheapened by my lousy prose and clumsy metaphor. It tells the story of a writer who cannot write, but instead destroys the work of others and a dancer who dances around the truth of an injury which will never fully heal. Seeing her each evening, contorting her body in an attempt to regain the technique which age and a drunken motorcyclist have stolen from her breaks my heart, but the words which I find are no longer a language she can understand. The tragedy of our small lives is not lost on me but bows to the greater sadness of the world.

Perhaps it would be better if I went out today.

***

The lunchtime rush is about to begin and I'm singing Jerome Kern to an audience of confused teenagers. I continue, rising through a semitone and spiralling up through every note of the scale. This is a gift, exposing them to something new which is so old and so perfect in its construction; though it's a gift they refuse. They move off leaving a young couple behind, standing loosely apart as the diminuendo in to the final lines begins and I give them the words of Oscar Hammerstein,

'You are the angel glow that lights a star, the dearest things I know are what you are'

Their hands move unnoticed, bumping together and they look at each other as if they hardly realise what is happening.

' Someday my happy arms will hold you, and someday I’ll know that moment divine,

When all the things you are, are mine.'

As the final chord dies they smile in the sunlight, bound by the song and walk away, each wrapped in the perfection of the other.

***

Inhale and lengthen my spine. Feel each sinew separate and the muscles knit to control the movement; extend, extend, extend, tipping forwards in to beauty as my leg rises in an arc towards the ceiling. The perfect arabesque. Until I glance at the mirror and see the kink in what is supposed to be a straight line. This is the gift of the accident, a pelvic fracture and a deformed sacrum. My ballet will never be the same again and I've known for a year.

God! What am I doing? Am I really going to sell the apartment just to pay for a third class theatre to put on a show that I can't even perform? This isn't vocational anymore, it's deluded. Deranged. A lie. As I stand upright, the world falls in to focus, the sun is shining and I can hear music on the street. And I'm hungry, starving. I don't even pay for the studio before sprinting down the stairs to rejoin the world.

***

I sit down on a bench in the Victoria Tower Gardens and watch a pair of kids chasing each other around the Buxton fountain. I've always loved the fountain, especially the story it has to tell of freedom and of family. Today it glows against the sky, all the roof's little tiles wearing the sunlight, sparkling erratically where imperfections in the glaze refract the light. If ever there was a moment to write, this is it.

Ignoring the manuscripts in my bag I open up my Mac. I swear I can almost see the imprints of my fingers on the keys, the whole thing looks battered and tired matching itself perfectly to its owner. It strikes me as a sad comment on us all that you can identify a person more accurately by their appliances than by their hair colour or their clothes. Seems like we all look like our blackberries now instead of our dogs, I'm just a guy in a tired suit with a cardboard coffee cup working through lunch on his laptop .

Now that it's fully booted I hesitate to open the file, not wanting to sully the day with the imperfections of my writing. But I do it, beginning to read; there's no colour here. My work and I sit here, a dark spot on a postcard picture; conspicuous in our lack of vitality, our lack of life. I start to edit. Normally I cut out anything that I would reject in a submitted manuscript, but today I decide to cut out anything which is not real to me. I remove the forced sentences, delete the pretence and the dead hopelessness, the sections where nothing happens to anybody likeable. And I find myself staring at a blank page.

Nothing. Empty nothingness.

At a loss I close the laptop and pull out the scripts. The first, a story of a Polish immigrant whose brother transforms in to a dog, goes straight to the no pile. The next, Life as the Bird Flies, catches my eye as the sun slowly toasts me by the river.

***

In the mid afternoon lull the bridge is at its quietest. Pigeons search for the smallest scrap and take advantage of the lack of traffic to shake out their feathers in the sun. I strum a few chords with no one to sing to and serenade the day with David Gilmour's melody and the words of the bard,

'Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st.'

***

Who am I if I am no longer a dancer? Ever since I was a little girl I've pictured myself dancing, alone on a stage framed by a single spotlight. I never imagined how lonely that spotlight could be; all-consuming and cold, holding you apart from not only other dancers but from everyone. Swallowing the last of the hot-dog I bought, I smile at the grease on my hands and marvel at my body's easy acceptance of long-forbidden carbs. On a whim I pull out my mobile, wanting to find Jake and tell him of my realisation, but then pause before pressing the button.

How must it have felt to live with me? After two blissful years of almost sickening happiness he watched me replace him with a guest soloist role at the Royal Ballet. But it was him who sat at my bedside for a month when the motorbike tore my body apart, taking a job he didn't want to pay for private surgery and my recovery. He must hate me. I would hate me.

I've been walking a while so I sit to take stock of where I am. It's the South Bank, quiet on a week day but still dotted with of entertainers and families. I sit on a bench absently running my fingers over the inscription, thinking of Jake and how to prove to him that the girl he fell in love with still exists.

The inscription says

'Dearest April,

Love sat here every Sunday for 52 years, but will be remembered forever.

Always yours, Jack.'

***

All the things I ever wanted to write but couldn't find the words to say; words of comfort and hope for Anna, an imagined future for myself, a lovingly crafted spectrum of emotion encompassing the history of human grace, tragedy and remembrance. There is a twinge of sadness as I realise that a long-cherished dream of writing may never be realised, but at the same time I feel a new faith in the ability of humanity to survive and flourish.

I will survive and I will flourish. I yank out my phone and dial the number on the front of the script. I tell the answering voice to send me the rest of the book post-haste and schedule a tentative meeting should the conclusion match the breathtaking opening. My first book, first author and I know I can succeed. I consider running back to the office, to start planning my new life; mentally listing publishers, potential reviewers and readings at Foyle's. But I decide to wait for the rest of the script. Instead I begin to walk along the river bank towards Covent Garden determined to find Anna, and to make her look me in the eye. Tonight is either the end or the beginning for the two of us; I'm scared that it's the end, she's been so far away but I can't live like this anymore.

***

An hour later and I'm still sitting on the bench, palm resting on Jack's everlasting love letter. I'd never really thought before about how long life was, and how beautiful it could be. A little girl in a pink dress and tiny ballet shoes runs across my consciousness. I try to block out the memories, squeezing my eyes tight shut and to imagine the future instead of the past. The tiny dancer stubbornly trips across the floor, arms raised to her father and it's Jake scooping her up and holding her close, kissing the auburn curls. He crosses the room smiling at someone and I see myself, the dance teacher, healthy and happy, watching my daughter and her father together. I don't want to open my eyes and break the picture but as a pigeon brushes my leg the spell is over. I sit a moment longer with ancient love at my back and a tentative future before me and then start to walk towards Westminster Bridge.

***

She looks as though she's sleepwalking; tiny steps and a detached expression, ballet shoes dangling from their ribbons in one hand. He's just watching her. I think they know each other, or at least they used to but I can't read his expression. I'm struggling to find the right song to make things right for them. It's melancholic but beautiful, a song of hope and recovery and I can't think of it. I search her face, delicate features picked out in a pale ecru, eyes shadowed and almost violet in the sunshine. Something more or maybe less than human in her manner, she leans on the railings dangling her shoes over the drop and closes her eyes.

I find the song, Sarah McLachlan's Angel, and as I strum out the opening lines I see a tiny smile.

'Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance, for a break that would make it okayThere's always a reason, to feel not good enough, and it's hard at the end of the day'

I'm glad that she knows it, and I see him mouthing along eyes fixed on the side of her face, where her beauty is cut by a cheekbone sharpened with hunger. When a passer-by brushes her elbow, my fingers tighten on the frets, as if they could break her. I see him take a step forward too but still he's unsure. The verse's not enough, so I roll in to the chorus, pouring a lifetime of small moments in to the words,

'In the arms of the angels, fly away from here.

From this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear.'

But it falls short, she won't turn around and he's taken a step back again. Desperate I reach for inspiration and with a rush of breath I leap up on the balustrade. Someone shrieks and she turns around and darts towards me as he does the same. Feigning obliviousness I deliver the last two lines and leave them to end their story.

'You are pulled from the wreckage, of your silent reverie.

You're in the arms of the angels, may you find some comfort here'.

***

She's a body width away from me and looking at me in a way I barely remember.

'Anna', I reach a few millimetres in to the gap between us and she's in my arms, tiny and broken but all mine again. She doesn't say anything but just breathes in to me, filling my chest with her warmth. She fumbles for my hand, unsure of a welcome and I take it without hesitating.

As we turn to leave I see her pointe shoes are still on the railing. She sees me looking, tugs on my hand and with a smile she says,

'Jake, leave them there'.

[iamshopping]

AliExpress 11/11 Haul pt.1

All of these things  took forever to get to my place, from November to  January/February. I do not recommend buying on 11/11 things that you neep asap, especially if you live far from China: people from all over the world order from AliExpress during that discount period and shipping companies get crazy. Most of all, I do not recommend bulk buying, as it will force you to keep an eye on all of your orders every-single-day for weeks-months, and, after a while, it gets frustrating, it gets old SO fast. I’ve made more than 30 orders, some things never arrived, others were wrong, defective or I was never refunded… So take it easy with your orders!

 16gb tiny memory card, the one that can be inserted inside mobile phones and tablets. To be used elsewhere, it needs an adapter. Still have to test it. The store lets you choose from different capacities. https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8450915775.html?orderId=80257297528621

iPhone protection glass, super cool and cheap, each glass comes with two wipes to clean your phone before the application. https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Arc-0-26mm-2-5D-For-iPhone-5-5s-Tempered-Glass-For-iPhone-6-6s-4/32705500150.html

This is a phone holder: it’s an adapter, it has to be used with a tripod, so it transforms your regular camera tripod into a selfie-tripod. https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8449487170.html?orderId=80273662388621

This one is silly: these are magnetic rings for the big toes, they are said to help with weight loss. I’ve been wearing them no-stop, to me they’re uncomfortable af, still no results but, even if it works for real, it won’t happen in a week, so I’ll have to wait… https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8451318850.html?orderId=80235925998621

100 small, square gold foils. https://www.aliexpress.com/item/100-Sheets-Set-Gold-Foil-Leaf-Aluminum-Leaf-Gilding-Handicrafts-Decorative-Craft-Paper-DIY-Decoration-for/32725145202.html

Small round jade dish, to be used as a base for eyelash glue: it is said to help maintain the glue fluid and to prevent it from drying. I actually don’t know if this material is legit jade … https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8438961152.html?orderId=80240374358621

Contour stick: one side has a highlighter, the other has a shader; it comes in different shades, depending on your skin tone. I picked the darkest, and I’m mixed, but I till have to try it, so I don’t know if it’ll be too dark for me or too light for darker skin tones. https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8451454997.html?orderId=80257656498621

Small plastic bottle with nozzles: to be used with henna for temporary tattoos. You can pick from several different kind of nozzles. https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8447767842.html?orderId=80321999528621

Henna paste! Still haven’t tried… https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8448326413.html?orderId=80323032218621

Flare/cluster eyelashes. I can’t find this length anymore in my town, so I had to buy it online. FIY: these are LONG, you shouldn’t be using this length for your entire eye, it would look totally fake and you wouldn’t be able to wear eyeglasses….! The effect of the hair is very natural, not shiny at all. https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8441900257.html?orderId=80327990148621

Another silly purchase: small rectangle patches, covered with  a fresh smelling paste, said to be made of herbs, that should help you burn fat on the areas where you apply it. They recommend not to wear it for more than 3 hours, but also that they can last up to 24 hours… that’s hella confusing: I always keep them at least for 24 hours, and nothing bad has happened, except sometimes, if I keep applying one patch on the very same place each day, it itches a little. I can’t honestly say if they work, because each bag has only 10 small patches, and I saw no miracle, you’d need to buy way more. https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Wholesale-10pcs-packet-Loss-Burning-Fat-Slimming-Cream-Health-Care-Slimming-Navel-Stick-Slim-Patch-Lose/32753065800.html

This is a Nivea looking like pink cream, said to be used for lightening your skin tone in sensitive areas, like your lips, your nipples and intimates. Not sure if I’ll ever be brave/fool enough to try it on myself, lol… https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8451534011.html?orderId=80336917998621

50 Disposable mascara wands, you can choose from different colors….

https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8541298002.html?orderId=80665687138621

Big as a plate coffee filters, to be used with an american coffee machine. I actually thought they’d be way smaller… https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8445465380.html?orderId=80270050308621

Single mug coffee filters. I tried a couple with spices, as I was preparing a tea, and they are not suitable for it. Still have to try these with coffee grounds. https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8454242379.html?orderId=80269931178621

In the description it originally said these were magnetic pads, but they’re actually sticky pads, said to be able to keep your mobile phone from falling off your car’s dashboard. https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8440653325.html?orderId=80270789908621

This is a peel-off eyebrows tattoo, comes in 3 shades, I picked the darkes (called chocolate or brown-grey). Still have to try, can’t wait! https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8438225708.html?orderId=80314797798621

Holographic powder for nail art. It sticks on top of gel/acrylic nails, but can be also used with nail polish, even if it just gives you a subtle holo finish. https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8440884742.html?spm=2114.13010608.0.0.9UwEmm&orderId=80265549288621&productId=32742355361

Rainbow highlighter: must be used on cheeks with a fan brush. It is super shiny and pigmented. I do recommend sanitizing makeup, by spraying some rubbing alcohol on it and letting it dry, before using it. https://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/8440629261.html?spm=2114.13010608.0.0.INN7dI&orderId=80327870178621&productId=32736157521

…To be continued…