#this anime still has no right being my favourite after so many years

[hedgehog-moss]

I’ve been having a bit of a hay shortage lately—January was very cold and snowy so the animals ate a lot, plus I have an extra mouth to feed this year, and I hadn’t realised Poldine would eat so much in her first year! Next summer I’ll make sure to buy enough hay for 4 animals rather than 3 and a half.

In the meantime I’ve been offering various hay substitutes, such as brambles, or my Christmas tree. It was waiting on the pile of green waste I intend to burn in early spring, until I remembered seeing someone’s ad in the local paper that went “if you want to recycle your Christmas trees, give them to me, my goats will love them!” I figured well, llamas are tall goats, maybe they’ll enjoy a bit of Christmas tree, and they did !

(Baby Poldine is always very circumspect about new foods, but she did end up tasting it.)

Pirlouit was also pleased with this unexpected breakfast. They all took turns nibbling at the tree until only the trunk was left :)

Still, I was trying to contact nearby farmers to ask if they have some hay to spare (it’s not that I’ve run out, I just want to be prepared in case of another cold spell), and I also moved the animals to my other pasture down the road, as there’s still some dry grass there. It’s not well-fenced though, and I wasn’t very confident in this pasture’s ability to contain Pampe, but I figured—there’s no grass to be found in any nearby pasture, so why would she try to leave this one?

(Because Pampe.)

I left the llamas & donkey frolicking in this exciting new place (Poldine looked enchanted to explore a new pasture, she was bounding around like a baby goat!), and I went skiing today, as a (late) birthday gift to myself. The skiing station is just half an hour away and this has become a very anticipated birthday ritual since I moved here! This year I waited until I had found some way to keep the animals busy before taking a day off, so there would be no llama leaks in my absence.

So of course I got a text from a neighbour in the afternoon, telling me my llamas had been spotted on the road, going towards the village. (“Pampe looked determined. She was going to the grocery shop to get muesli.”) (Pampe is so famous, people even know her favourite snacks 😭)

Since I was literally on a ski slope I decided to turn my conscience off and pretend I hadn’t seen the text. I thought, if the llamas do end up in the village I’ll get more texts updating me on their position and I’ll be a responsible llama owner and go home (promise), but they’ll probably get off the road and into the woods somewhere between my house and the village and they’ll spend the afternoon eating communal shrubs and they’ll be fine.

When I went home a few hours later, I found my donkey alone in the pasture where I’d left him in the morning—we both had to wrestle with a moral dilemma today, and Pirlouit’s was “do I loyally follow my friends and potentially starve to death, or do I stay by myself in this place with very adequate dry grass to munch on?” He really hates being alone, yet he chose food over friendship.

I brought Pirou back to his normal pasture (he wouldn’t have liked to find himself alone after sunset) and went looking for the girls. I’d had a neighbour on the phone who had talked to someone who’d talked to someone who had seen the llamas and had “shooed them in the general direction of your house.” That was some very helpful shooing, because I found them just a couple of kilometres away, and indeed going in the right direction.

Pampelune leading the way, determined to go home before night; Pampérigouste last, internally grumbling that it was still early and they could have explored the world some more.

I usually jog with the llamas when I bring them home so we don’t spend too much time in the middle of the road, but there aren’t many cars when the road is icy and also after a day of skiing, you don’t really feel like jogging a few km at a brisk pace in heavy snow boots. So we went home in a slow and solemn procession.

I called the people who had told me about the llamas’ whereabouts to thank them, and explained that this escape was the result of a failed attempt to move the animals to my poorly-fenced second pasture because I don’t have a lot of hay left—and one of them told me he could spare a bale and he’d bring it to me tomorrow!

“So I’ve done everyone a favour” (is probably Pampe’s conclusion.)

I gave them hay as I figured they hadn’t had time to graze much in the other pasture, but only Pampe was hungry. Well, Pirlouit is always hungry, but Pampe indignantly rebuffed him. “You chose food over adventure. You don’t get to eat the food I’m getting as a reward for a successful adventure.”

Pirlouit is completely resigned to the fundamental unfairness of a dutiful donkey’s life.

[smallpwbbles]

She didn’t get that sketch book back

Quick fic for my Biolizard shadow au taking place pre Ark incident, just some nice fluff between Maria and Shadow

Feel free to criticise the fuck outta this, haven’t written a fic since I was like 13, did feel nice to write this though, hopefully I can turn write a longer fic for the au like I said I wanted to do

Maria was beginning to get restless, it had been a long week full of tests, resting, recovering and just a general sense of stagnation. The days were beginning to phase into a repetitive cycle and while she could manage with it, she couldn’t say it wasn’t beginning to get boring.

Her studies were just finishing up, she had once again been bested by her least favourite subject, math. Maria was quite smart for her age, a symptom of being a Robotnik no doubt, however math had such a way with turning her brain to mush. She was sick enough as it was, she didn’t need the subject doing away with her mind too.

Her notebook and sticky notes were packed away in a cute little cubby adorably stuck with a tag with her name on it, next to hers was an empty cubby addressed with the name Shadow, it was unfortunate that with the monstrous hedgehogs seemingly unending growth spurts came the ability to not fit almost anywhere on the Ark, apart for his enclosure of course.

Maria put a hand to the unused cubby, she very much missed studying in the classroom with Shadow, but her grandfather did allow for studies to be taught with Shadow in the enclosure when they were both on best behaviour, the old man may be a stickler but was an absolute softie at heart.

Gerald was erasing the algebra on the blackboard with a content smile, Maria could see he was in quite a good mood today which was especially great as the week of tests wasn’t just unfortunate to her. As Shadow was due for many tests to check on the state of his growth, Gerald and his team spent many weeks trying to get it under control right after Shadow had begun to increase in size rapidly.

The scientists had all done their best but to an ailing Shadow, who had to be okay with needles and diagrams shoved in and around him, he was at best irate and at worst, down right hostile. One of the testing scientists was still recovering in the first aid section of the Ark after a particularly vexed Shadow struck out. He was “grounded” after such an incident, which doesn’t mean much when you’re 35 feet and can kill a person with minimal effort, but it meant Maria couldn’t see him at the moment.

That wasn’t gonna stop her from trying.

“Grandfather! Studies were absolutely wonderful today, I feel maths gets easier and easier each time you teach it to me” Maria lied. Her plan was to butter him up, get him in an even better mood, maybe then he would feel lenient enough to let her stay in the enclosure with Shadow.

“It makes me glad to hear that Maria my dear, maths has always been an essential subject matter in the world of education, why I’ve loved maths ever since I was a young tot, you know I solved my first problem when I was just 3 years old-“ Gerald kept on. Oh no, she got him rambling, maybe she could shoot her shot and just ask outright. The last time he rambled it put her right to sleep on her desk, it hurt his feelings but the second she started hearing percentages her brain shut it down.

“May I see Shadow today!?” She hadn’t meant to blurt it out so outright but she felt the ramble was about to edge towards fractions and decimals and she quite had enough of those today

Gerald’s animated ramblings stopped in an instant and he faced his granddaughter who was doing her best to charm him with her childish adorable appeal

He hummed and hawed for a moment before shaking his head “Now Maria I know you miss Shadow very much but he is in trouble at the moment”

A wave of defensiveness washed over Maria as she recounted Shadow was currently punished due to actions he did in a moment of stress and anger, she felt in the same position she would have struck out or at the very least gave that scientist a good old raspberry, she was still proud she taught Shadow that, Gerald didn’t need to know that though.

“Oh but Grandfather, it’s been more than a week, I’m sure Shadow has learned his lesson” Maria begged.

“He growled at one of our scientists who came for a check up this morning, one he particularly likes mind you” he retorted

“I mean it could be a bit of that teenage rebellion you’re always claiming me to have when I’m not happy to see you in the morning” She countered.

“I-“ Gerald stopped himself and put a finger to his lip, honestly he couldn’t dismiss that. As Shadow continued to grow he picked up more behaviours Gerald could attribute to the traditional development of adolescence. It still had him flabbergasted as he recalled Shadow sticking his tongue right at Gerald one time during studies.

“None the matter, I don’t want you getting hurt in there because of the irritation he’s at right now” Gerald commanded. Maria deflated, this definitely wasn’t going out the way she has planned.

“He would never! Shadow absolutely adores us, he wouldn’t hurt us” Maria argued, she trusted this 100%. Although around most people some could say Shadow could be careless, Maria and Gerald were of a select few that Shadow handled with the upmost care and caution. Maria could just about get away with doing anything around Shadow, if not for her sickness she would most definitely use the gigantic hedgehog as a playground.

At quiet times before lights were out, when allowed she would curl up in Shadows large claws, it amazed her how still and gentle he could be, she felt like a glass doll in his hands as she deducted he was so still in fear of jostling her. It saddened her that Shadow was at such a state he felt even the slightest movements would hurt her.

Gerald put a palm to his head, “I know he wouldn’t hurt you on purpose Maria, but Shadow can forget himself sometimes, need I remind you of Steven, who is in the infirmary because of Shadows actions?” He scolded. Maria didn’t have a retort for that, she could defend shadow as much as she liked but it didn’t change that he had indeed hurt someone.

She looked down to her dress skirt and gripped the fabric of it, she knew better than to act like a brat not getting their way but she was getting irate, one more plea, and if no results she would would back down, lest she get into an argument with her grandfather and end up in trouble herself.

“I’ve just felt absolutely restless. I understand he’s in trouble grandfather but he always behaves around me, I could even go in there and get him to apologise! He’s usually nicer after I give him a good talking to” Maria gripped her skirt harder, she was honest about getting him to apologise, she didn’t want him thinking what he had done to that scientist was okay.

Gerald studied her for a moment before letting out a defeated sign, the softie in him had won, he hated seeing Maria as desperate as she was, and she was not wrong. Maria’s presence seemed to greatly improve Shadows mood the most

“Fine, you can see him” Maria almost jumped up in excitement but steeled herself, it didn’t stop her from looking absolutely giddy “but you are not to rile him up in any way, and if I feel you are in danger you are to come out, understand” Gerald instructed.

Maria gave a silly salute, she couldn’t help it knowing her plan came around “loud and clear!”

——————————————————————

He was clearly pouting when she got to the viewing windows of Shadows enclosure, he was lying on his side and had his back to the large reinforced windows, so nobody could see his face. It was cute to Maria, he always did this getting in trouble.

He was also very still, she actually couldn’t tell if he was asleep or not in that position, a second later when he turned his head slightly to notice her presence confirmed he was indeed awake. Shadow had quite the ability to sense the people around him without anyone else knowing they were there. He glared at her before immediately curling in on himself, she had no idea how someone that big could make themselves look smaller but he was managing quite well.

She put her hands to the window, the glare he just gave her hadn’t put her off, he clearly wasn’t as happy to see her as she thought he would be but that was her gigantic, hedgehog, lizard buddy in need and she hadn’t almost got on her knees and begged to see him for nothing.

3 little taps to the glass, Maria did this just to give him a warning whenever she was coming in, in response Shadow seemed to curl further in on himself, he almost looked like a gigantic spiky ball.

Maria made a small trek down a compact set of Stairs to some steel doors that led into the enclosure, there was a code box right next to the doors that needed an input only Maria, Gerald and some trusted scientists knew. Quickly putting in 4 digits, her birthday as predictably done by her grandfather, Maria bounced in excitement as the doors painstakingly opened.

The chamber was quiet and smelled of lavender, Maria had recommended a calming smell might tide over Shadow to act nicer during testing, while it hadn’t, he still very much enjoyed the smell.

Maria encountered the big ball of black and red quills and scales, he was very much still pouting and didn’t seem to want to acknowledge her. She gave a couple pats to what she could assume was his tail but it was quite hard to tell as curled up as he was.

Shadow gave no response to indicate he felt the pats so she grabbed a few quills and gave a small tug, she didn’t want to tug hard as she’d definitely get cut if he bristled his quills in response, yet he still gave no reaction.

Oh he was really having quite the tantrum today. She put her hands to her hips and gave the giant wall of quills a tired look

“Shadow it’s me! Are you not happy to see me?” Maria yelled up at him.

If he was, he gave no reciprocation. It humbled her quite intensely as it was a first for Shadow to completely ignore her.

She looked down at her shoes and decided if he was gonna be the Debbie of downers she would use other means of entertainment. She pulled out her small sketch pad that conveniently fit in her skirt pockets. It was a great source of distraction when she had nothing to do or nobody to talk to.

She walked over to some worn down chairs that were placed carefully far to one end of the enclosure, they were initially placed there for observation of Shadow but it was an overestimated idea as most scientists didn’t have the nerve to be in the same room as Shadow for more than 5 minutes. Maria abused this section of the enclosure to benefit her creative devices and made Shadow the subject of most of her sketches.

It was about 5 minutes into drawing when she had stopped drawing Shadow as doodling a curled up spiky ball hadn’t been as fun as she thought. She looked up from her sketch pad as Shadow began to unfurl, as he stretched out she heard some of his bones crack back into place, bones cracking was already an unnerving sound to her, hearing it at Shadows size was something entirely else so she couldn’t help the look that came on her face.

Shadow stopped his stretching to study her, he smirked at the unsettled face Maria made as it was quite an amusing expression for her to pull, the smirked made her a little irate considering how rudely he was to ignore her just before.

“I see you got tired of pouting” Maria huffed, Shadow simply stuck her tongue at her, she gasped in shock and stook up immediately, absolutely aghast he would use such a move on her of all people, she kind of wish she hadn’t taught him that now.

“That’s absolutely- why I never- you are such a rude-“ she couldn’t make up her mind what to say in response. Shadow sat on his hind legs and looked at her in amusement, to anyone who could have been outside the enclosure, the sight of a young blond girl yelling and scolding the near 40 foot giant beast was bewildering.

“It’s no wonder grandfather didn’t want me to see you, with you acting like such a brat I have half a mind to walk out of here, are you even sorry for what you did?!” Maria furiously turned her back to him and folded her arms, if she looked back she would have seen Shadow flinch at the question. “The scientists are doing the best to help you and you had someone sent into first aid!” She grumbled.

Maria heard some loud shuffling then the room shook for a moment, she steadied herself and looked back to see Shadow had repositioned himself with his back to her. She didn’t know why the sight infuriated her more but it just seemed like he wanted to be insanely difficult today.

She began to march over to him, about to give him a peace of her mind. However when she traversed enough to get a even look at what she assumed would be a unremorseful smug smirk, she was met with a regretful furrowed brow, his red crimson irises met her blue azure ones and he instantly looked away and brought his arms up to hold himself. He wouldn’t look back at her.

Maria began to calm herself, one look at him told her what she knew, of course he felt bad for what he did. She wanted to give herself a right slap for forgetting herself, he obviously found it hard to talk about what happened, she shouldn’t have expected him to be right and ready to talk as soon as she walked through those doors.

She slowly came closer and put a hand to his ankle, that was as much as she could reach at his current sat up stance. He dared a glance down at her tiny form and again looked away, she could feel the giant begin to tremble, she then heard as an unmistakable voice rasped out “…didn’t mean to”.

His voice rumbled throughout her body as her heart wrenched at that statement. She believed it without question, he was gentle and caring, she was tired after the week long tests. Maria could only imagine what it was like for him after being poked and prodded for hours on end.

“I know” she comforted. She really did wish he was at least a little smaller, it was really hard to comfort someone who has a hand as big as your entire body.

She could attempt to climb up his leg but she really didn’t want to risk getting Gerald upset with her if she was to exacerbate her already strained lungs. She motioned at shadow with her hand and got his attention “Shadow your hand please” she gently commanded

He knew what she was asking and took a hand off his person to reach her, only seeing his claws near her had him stop for a moment which Maria noticed. “You would never hurt me” she assured. He gently scooped her up and cupped his other hand to the one holding her.

Shadow brought up a safely secured Maria up to his face in which she at once assaulted him with a full face hug, it surprised him for a moment but he instantly melted into it. She did this when she knew he was even a bit upset. He did find the gesture embarrassing but appreciated it all the same.

Maria nuzzled into his muzzle harder, she’d be finding fur in her dress for ages but she didn’t mind, the priority was Shadow. She was glad he was remorseful, it would have been alarming if she had to explain why it’s wrong to send someone into the infirmary but Shadow seemed to grasp the consequences of the event that transpired.

“You are going to apologise once Steven is out of the infirmary aren’t you?” She left his muzzle alone finally and looked up at him, he seemed embarrassed at such a request but knew he couldn’t argue with something that was the least he could do. He nodded firmly and hoped it would be enough to satisfy Maria.

It definitely was as she once again came full force with a hug to his muzzle, he did wish he could return such a gesture properly but he’d definitely crush the poor girl with such a return, instead he just leaned his face into her arms, she was such a tiny thing to him but the action warmed his heart so immensely he’d almost forgotten why he was mad in the first place.

Maria plopped back into his palm, content with her job as “the Shadow whisperer”, as she had oddly dubbed herself in her mind. She wished she could converse with him about all the events that transpired while he had been “grounded” but it mostly included tests which was the furthest thing she was sure both of them wanted to talk about. In that moment she remembered the little notepad she was doodling in earlier.

Shadow watched as she fought to relieve her pocket of the sketch pad and as she flicked through a few pages of quite nice and detailed drawings of him and a few familiar faces he’d seen on the Ark, his interested peaked as he watched her turn to her recent pages and she chortled, Maria shakily stood up on Shadows surprisingly soft palm and held the sketch pad to Shadow, who’s interested promptly died when he saw a drawing of a spiky ball which had been nicely detailed with an annotate to tell whoever was reading the ball was a “grumpy pouty shadow”.

Maria watched Shadows face fall flat and couldn’t help that roar of laughter that immediately escaped her, this only continued to irritate the humongous hedgehog. He brought over his other hand that didn’t have a laughing Maria in it and swiftly brought it over his palm, Maria yelled out a panicked “NO WAIT-“ as he did so. He didn’t hurt her, he just gave her a quick squish to shut her up. That seemed to do the job as he opened his palms to a silence Maria who had her hair adorably scruffy from the attack “I hate it when you do that, I totally deserved it though” she concluded

He snickered at that and she gave him a quick punch to his pinkie finger

——————————————————————

Maria had lost track of the time she had been in the enclosure after 2 hours. She wasn’t worried she’d been in too long as her Grandfather had cameras in the chamber and would have called her out if he wanted her out.

She had returned to her drawings while she was cradled in Shadows palms. She was absolutely engrossed in her current drawing and hadn’t noticed Shadow wasn’t giving input or feedback on her drawings anymore.

The palm she was in suddenly jerked and she had to grab one of his fingers to keep from losing balance, her sketch pad had fallen to the ground when the motion happened. She looked up when she was steadied and saw Shadow, he seemed to have not noticed what he had done. Honestly he seemed quite out of it, she quickly realised the poor thing was fighting sleep and must have accidentally jerked back to being half awake.

“Shadow” Maria called, his eyes opened fully to address her but immediately went back to being half lidded. “Are you tired? I can leave so you can get some rest” she offered.

He stubbornly shook his head and cupped his other hand under her, normally he would have let her go off when she wanted and went back to doing as he did alone in the enclosure but she was sure it was his sleepy brain not wanting her to leave and he was acting upon that.

“Alright alright, don’t have a fuss I’m not going anywhere, even if I could” he had brought his hand close enough that she could reach a particular spot under his muzzle, she gave it a few scritches and had to steel herself when he began purring, it was an intense and loud sound that she feel sending waves through her entire body but she bared it.

He leaned into it, and began to literally lean his entire body’s forward when the feeling of the scratches began to calm his already tired mind, Maria had to stop and immediately grabbed onto anything she could, which was his ring finger as Shadow fell forward, the enclosure shook from the weight of him falling and Maria waited for the vibrations to die down, she hoped her grandfather was not watching the cameras at that moment as she could of accidentally been hurt, she could hear and feel the vibrations of Shadows quiet snores as it confirmed he has simply fallen asleep.

She hopped off his palm to trek to his face, give him a quick hug. Her mission was to now find her sketch pad, that last drawing she was engrossed with had come along really well and she wanted to show her grandfather how her art skills were coming out. Her face turned grief stricken when she realised her sketch pad had fallen where Shadow lay asleep right now, if he rolled over which she knew he was guaranteed to do, it was completely over for that drawing as well as her entire sketch pad.

Maria inhaled and then exhaled. The stories of the superheroes her grandfather read to her had to go through sacrifice, and right now as the shadow whisperer, she could definitely say she was going through sacrifice right now.

[theclaravoyant]

bucktommy + 29 kiss on the back of the hand

AN ~ (from this prompt list) this idea started as cute regency ball flirty vibes but then the spirit of Tucker compelled me and it was replaced by Crying About Animals In the Sky and I'm sorry . hurt/comfort . it's cute i swear

-

The number one rule of any aircraft, Buck has learnt, is that you don't distract the pilot during critical flight times, like taking off. Yes, even if that pilot is your boyfriend and you're on a date and he's just argued you out of bringing the champagne because he's being responsible and it's never been so thrilling to call yourself a law abiding citizen.

He tries watching Tommy work the controls instead, but even that is a little bit too fascinating: there are so many buttons and switches and stuff in here, it must have taken him a lifetime to learn what they all do, but he moves with ease like it's no different to riding a bike. All Buck wants to do the whole time is ask, and what does this do, and what does this do, and what does this do. So he searches for something else to look at instead, and his eyes fall onto a photograph tucked between dials on the dash.

It's not a particularly good photo; the camera that took it is probably twenty years old by now, and the sun glare in it is atrocious, but Buck makes out that the person taking up about half the image is a younger, rugged-looking Tommy. He looks to be wearing maybe fatigues? Something khaki, with a chain from dog tags disappearing out of frame around his neck. He's got one arm slung around an equally rugged-looking, not nearly as young German Shepherd, who looks to be smiling at his master or maybe about to give him a big old kiss on that dusty face.

The tone in his earpiece changes, then, indicating the communications line has opened back up so he asks;

“Is he yours?”

“Ha, I wish,” Tommy says. “She belongs to the Harrison Airfield. But she's one of my favourites to hire on my off time. Flies like a dream.”

Buck frowns, and then realises Tommy's eyes are still on the skyline.

“No, I mean-” He holds up the picture, waving it in Tommy's periphery. The man does a momentary double take.

“Oh.” His voice gets tight. His eyes move back to the horizon and stay there.

There's a lot we don't know about each other, Buck recalls.

“That's Tucker,” Tommy says, after a moment. “He was an EDD over in Iraq serving with a friend of mine. Retired same time I did, but Bailey stayed on so she asked me to take him. Got me through a lot, that dog. Osteosarcoma got him in the end. I scattered his ashes at Big Bear – me and Bailey fly out every year to say hi. That must have been when I left the picture. Sorry, I- I wasn't expecting that to be there.”

“I'm sorry,” Buck offers. “Sounds like a good boy.”

“Yeah. He was.”

Buck wishes they weren't in a helicopter right now, so that he could pull Tommy in for the bear hug to end all bear hugs. But they are, and he can't, so instead he bumps his shoulder against Tommy's and the man relinquishes one of his arms. Buck takes his time; intertwines their fingers slowly, and lifts Tommy's hand up to his lips for a gentle kiss. He holds on for a long time after that, admiring the scenery and honouring the memory in the silence gifted to them by vast blue skies and craggy mountain forests. Buck resolves to get out of the city more. He's not gone for a decent hike in so long. Maybe there's just something special about sailing over it all like a hawk, but it feels like he's forgotten what beauty lies beyond the vim and vigour of the concrete jungle.

“I can see why you like it up here,” he says. “Everything kind of falls away. It's beautiful. Reminds me of horse riding, now that I think about it.”

“You ride?” Tommy asks.

“Oh, no, not for years. But I used to be a ranch-hand, back in the day before I joined the 118.”

“I thought you used to be a bartender?”

Buck laughs. “Yeah, I used to do a lot of things. Feels like I had the world's longest gap year.”

“Tell me about it,” Tommy offers.

So he does.

[albaskies]

And if I didn't know better

Or: One evening, Ginny reflects on her choice to step up for Teddy, while trying to navigate her grief for the loss of those who never could. Also on AO3:

She isn’t quite so sure what made her decide to step up for a child when she was hardly an adult herself. Not that she’d done much at first - she’d barely ever been there during the first year of his life, and she’d only gathered the courage to rock him to sleep a few months after she’d moved back home. It was more of a feeling, as if she’d accepted the responsibility deep in her heart before she could even trust her own limbs to hold him properly. 

It feels like a lifetime away, now, as his little body is curled up against hers and his turquoise hair shines in the dim candlelight. They lay on several cushions and blankets scattered on the floor; an old white sheet stuck on four chairs hanging on top of their heads, covering the ceiling. They’ve built a fort, you know. Right after playing dragons and running around on invisible broomsticks (‘Feet on the ground, Teddy, please’). All in their living room, all after having dinner. 

Harry’s sent word that he’ll be home late - problems at the office. He sounded very disappointed to miss out on having Teddy over for the night, one of his favourite weekly activities. He usually sleeps over on Fridays, but they might have to switch it to Saturdays if Harry keeps on getting held back at work.

Ginny is seriously doubting that her strategy to try and wear Teddy out before bedtime has been effective, as Teddy’s eyes are still wide open and shimmering with energy. The cup of warm milk she’s offered him hasn’t quite done the trick, now left unfinished and forgotten on the floor right next to him. But then again, Teddy’s undergoing that toddler phase where nothing in the world can get him to wind down unless he decides to, thank you very much. How did Hermione call him? A threenager? Where did she even hear such a ridiculous thing?

She looks down at him again, as he has started to move his tiny hands and notice the corresponding shadow movements reflected on the sheet. His expression is full of wonder, not a care in the world, and she’s so grateful for the look in his eyes (and, yes, for the rare moment of quiet as well) that she feels her heart could explode.

‘Look, Teddy,’ she says, joining her thumbs and wiggling the rest of her fingers. ‘Isn’t that an eagle? Oh my, how did it get here?’.

Teddy squeals with laughter, unable to contain his excitement - the sweetest sound in the world.

‘Again, Ginny, again!’.

She regrets it, to have hesitated back then. It’s not that she didn’t care for him when he was a baby - quite the contrary, actually. She’d known she loved him so much since before he was even born; that one Christmas morning when Tonks had grabbed her hand and had gently placed her on her pregnant tummy.  But she was scared, terrified of messing it all up, of not being good enough. She still is sometimes - she’s just learned to cope with it better, or maybe to hide it better. She reckons that nobody really knows how to deal with a child from the beginning, especially when it’s not their own; and they are all a bit broken now anyway. But it doesn’t really matter, does it, as long as they’re there for each other, as long as Friday nights are still about dragons, invisible broomsticks and animal shadows on a fort sheet ceiling.

.

Harry had dived into the role with all his seriousness and solemnity because, well, what else do you expect. He’d tried so hard to get Teddy to like him from the start, as if there could ever be the risk that he wouldn’t. He’d show up to Andromeda’s house bearing so many gifts that she’d had to beg him to stop once and for all, for the love of Merlin. 

‘I just want to do something nice for him, you know,’ he’d told Ginny later, his brows furrowed and his glare focused on his tea mug.

‘But you already do,’ she’d said, her hand gently squeezing his thigh. ‘You’re there for him. That’s as nice as it gets.’

She could tell she hadn’t fully convinced him, just as she knew that he hadn’t been exactly truthful either. He wanted to do something nice for Teddy, sure, stepping in those daunting godfather shoes as smoothly as possible. But he wanted to do something nice for himself too, for his much younger self, trying to give away all the love and attention he’d been missing all his life. And she couldn’t really blame him for that, now, could she.

‘Gin,’ he’d murmured, his whisper almost pleading. ‘I don’t think I know what I’m doing.’

She’d moved her hand from his leg to his jaw, resisting the urge to cut him off with sarcasm, ‘Have you ever, though.’

‘Nobody asks that of you right now, Harry. You’ll figure it out.’

He looks at her, still unconvinced. ‘But Tonks and Lupin -’

‘No,’ she’d shushed him, gently pressing a finger on his lips. ‘Not even them.’

That’s the thing - nobody had asked her to, either. And it’s not that she’d felt compelled to act as an unofficial godmother only because of her relationship with Harry. He’d certainly never expected that of her. 

She’d felt hurt when her mum had implied that once. As if that ring that Harry had placed on her finger dictated all of her choices, as if she had to have a reason to desire to care for Teddy. As if she hadn’t known Tonks and Lupin, too. 

No, Teddy's become part of her life because of a very careful and important choice she’s made. It has been so incredibly natural, and it has required quite some effort, both at the same time. But it’s always been there, no matter what. 

There hasn’t been a single Quidditch match she’s played without looking for him and Harry in the stands; there hasn’t been a single house she and Harry have looked at without thinking about what room could become his for when he stays over. There hasn’t been a single time she hasn’t thought of him when looking at the clear blue sky.

.

‘And what about this?’, she asks him, still twisting her hands to give life to dark shapes on the sheet.

Teddy lets out a sweet chuckle. ‘A rabbit!’.

‘Good job, Teddy!’’ 

He claps his hands in excitement and his hair seems to have become an even brighter shade of blue.

‘More, more!’

‘Let’s see. What about…’ Ginny says, continuing to move her fingers. ‘This?’

He seems to think about it for a second, squeezing his eyes, wrinkling his nose. Then he beams.

‘A wolf!’

A beat.

‘Er - no, it’s a dog -’

‘No, it’s a wolf!’

‘Teddy -’

And before she knows it, he starts howling. 

‘Wolves aren’t scary, Ginny! You shouldn’t be scared!’

She looks at him in horror. Total panic. Her mind blacked out. That’s the one thing she hasn’t brought herself to do with Teddy yet - talking about his parents. Or even mentioning them, to be frank. She’s quite selfishly left that to Harry, because what does she know about this stuff, he’s a child, she doesn’t want to mess it up for him. She’s quite sure that she would, if she tried. She can’t even think straight after he’s seen the shadow of a wolf rather than a dog, after all. What a stupid way to react to a child acting his age, playing and having fun. Stop this. Don’t be a git, please stop this.

It’s almost as if Lupin and Tonks never enter the bubble that she creates when she’s with Teddy - which is absurd, nonsensical, completely idiotic. But,  well - her insides knotting in guilt at the mere thought - it’s easier this way. She feels ashamed of herself, absolutely fucking revolted. Now that he’s inadvertently brought it up though, a three-year-old braver than she’ll ever be, and he’s opened Pandora’s box (some famous Greek witch, she reckons), she's at a loss for words. It’s so subtle that she should just let it slide - she must, actually. He hasn’t even asked her anything, he hasn’t even made the connection. He doesn’t even know. 

Her mind is racing out of control and he hasn’t even done it on purpose. She’s the one who’s acting like a lunatic. She doesn’t know why she feels like she should say something, doesn’t even know what, because it would all sound wrong anyway.

You know, Teddy, she almost hears herself saying, but you know, Teddy, what exactly? Why can’t she get this thought out of her head? He’s blissfully unaware, and he’s just a child that is playfully pretending to be a wolf, what the hell wrong with you, Ginny, pull yourself together. 

She continues spiralling as she notices that he’s stopped howling, and is now observing her with curiosity. 

Fuck, you’re going to traumatise him, aren’t you. 

As she looks at him more closely, she notices that his eyes, that have been blue like his hair for months now, have now turned darker - a warm, chocolaty brown. And instead of feeling even more horrified, she simply calms down, her panic gone.

Funny how Lupin can offer her comfort even in death.

.

She is staring at the empty desk in front of her. The bell has rung and all her classmates have left already, but somehow she can’t bring herself to get out of the classroom and head to lunch. Not yet, because she is staring at the empty desk in front of her so intensely, almost as if she could get it to talk to her. She remembers sitting there, less than a year ago, just before her memory had gone blank into one of her many blackouts. She remembers opening her diary on her lap, bored to death at the sound of Professor Lockhart’s pompous voice, she remembers jotting down a few thoughts pretending to be taking notes. Then she remembers a voice, his voice, and nothing more. Maybe if she stares at the desks hard enough, it will come back to her, maybe she will remember how she got from the classroom to Hagrid’s shed and then back to the castle again… 

‘What are you still doing here, Ginny?’.

She blinks once, and then once again, trying to bring Professor Lupin’s greyish frame into focus. She isn’t sure since when he’s been sitting on the chair in front of her.

‘Are you looking for something?’, he asks, watching her carefully. She must look rather lost, because he quickly adds: ‘You did well in class, today.’

‘I - er, no - I mean, thanks,’ she blurts out. His dark brown eyes are still focused on her, studying her in detail.

She clears her throat, as if to gather her courage. There is something she’s been wanting to ask him, actually, but she isn’t even sure that she should bring it up. Percy has made it clear that she shouldn’t talk about it with anybody, but Percy doesn’t really understand what it feels like, doesn’t it? To lose control, to not know.

‘I suppose you were wondering what happened on the train a few days ago?’, says Professor Lupin bluntly, as if it’s the most obvious thing on the planet.

‘How do you -?’

‘You wouldn’t be the first to ask.’

As she observes him a little more closely than ever before, she realises he must be much younger than he looks. He has a few grey locks of hair here and there, his face is tired and emaciated, but he doesn’t have wrinkles around his eyes and mouth like her dad. 

He smiles, encouragingly. She clears her throat again. 

‘My brother Percy’s told me about the Dementors,’ she mutters, her glare back on the desk. ‘I know they make people feel bad. It’s just -’.

She suddenly hears it again, that low, yet so familiar voice, telling her she should not be frightened. Then flashes of light, blood, screams, and her clothes are unexplainably damp. 

She shivers, subtly patting her robes. She’s fine. She’s fine.

‘I did some things last year,’ she hears herself say. She doesn’t even know how she’s managed to gather enough strength to.

‘I just fear - well, I guess I worry that the Dementors will make me do them again.’

Professor Lupin falls silent for a few seconds. He continues to watch her, but has now stopped smiling.

‘From what I’ve heard, you haven’t chosen to do any of those things.’

He’s heard, then. She doesn’t wonder why - she reckons stories must travel fast among Hogwarts staff, too.

She would normally be ashamed, but now she can’t help but feel a hint of relief, stemming from Merlin knows where. After all, yes, he’s heard, but he’s still talking to her like she isn’t any different; he’s heard, and he’s still offered her chocolate. 

‘Don’t worry, Ginny, Dementors can’t make you reenact your bad memories. They surely make you relive them, though,’ he furrows his brows, as if an unexpected thought has suddenly crossed his mind. ‘Do you - er - have enough support here?’

She’s taken aback by this question, shame creeping on her cheeks. ‘I’ve got four brothers here,’ she quickly responds, but she knows that this isn’t what he means. She sighs. He seems to understand.

‘I’m working on it,’ she sputters, defensively. ‘It’s not exactly easy to make friends when all the girls in your dormitory think you’re a freak.’

It comes out spontaneously, but she immediately regrets using that tone with a professor. However, to her great surprise, he bursts into laughter.

‘I guess you’re right,’ he says, throwing her an enigmatic look. ‘But believe me when I say that friends are the most precious gift that Hogwarts can give you. Real friends will help you overcome all the hard times; and if they think you’re a freak, well, they’ll choose to be freaky with you.’

He stops smiling, suddenly looking rather thoughtful, but then quickly shakes his head. Somehow, she ends up with the strange feeling that he’s no longer having this conversation only with her.

‘Might I suggest,’ he adds, now back to his reassuring tone. ‘That you perhaps try to talk to other students that might have had - how to put this - a similar experience to yours? Harry’s a good friend of your brother’s, isn’t he?’

She feels it coming - the blush. One of the big ones. One of the bad ones.

‘No! I don’t think -’, she hisses, suddenly horrified, redder than she’s ever been in her life. ‘I don’t think that would work.’

He raises his eyebrows, the corners of his mouth slightly twitching.

‘Well, you never know,’ he states matter-of-factly. He then stands up, patting his hands on his legs. ‘But now I must really let you go. I wouldn’t want you to feel unwell during your next class because you haven’t had any lunch.’

She nods, grabs her things, mutters an awkward ‘Thanks’. Just when she’s about to leave, she hears him speak again.

‘It may be hard to understand now, but what happened to you doesn’t define you. Please, don’t ever forget that.’

It’s true, she doesn’t understand that quite just yet, but she will remember those words for the rest of her life.

For now, she’s busy spending the next few days ridiculously terrified by the thought of Professor Lupin telling Harry about their conversation. She imagines Harry looking at her with pity, disgust even, as a stupid little girl who can’t bring herself to make some friends. But this doesn’t happen - Harry barely ever looks at her, and when he does he seems, well, normal. She’s quite glad of that, for one. She’s also so incredibly glad that Professor Lupin respected her enough to keep her secret, that he could be trusted.

Years later, she’ll regret never having told him that she and Harry had fallen in love. She’ll reckon he would’ve liked to know that, he might have even been delighted. She’ll figure, as a punch in her stomach, that she’d assumed they’d have more time.

.

‘You know what, Teddy, you’re right,’ she finally says, gently stroking his hair. ‘Wolves aren’t scary.’

He beams, looking rather satisfied with her answer, and pulls up his back to sit against a big pillow.

‘Let’s play another game!’

Ginny sighs at his never ending source of energy; her hopes that relaxing under the fort would somehow make him drowsy are completely shattered. She quickly glances at the clock on the wall - if Andromeda finds out that Teddy's been up so late, she’ll never hear the end of it.

‘Time out, Teddy,’ she says, faking a yawn. ‘We should really go to bed now.’

Teddy frowns, pouting his lips and wrinkling his little nose.

‘What if we read the story of Babbity Rabbity?’, she then intervenes tentatively, hoping to jump in just in time to prevent a tantrum. ‘Come on, you love Babbity Rabbity…’

But Teddy isn’t having it. He shakes his head fervently, now crossing his arms.

Ginny wonders if this is the time to be a bit more assertive with him, if she could dare, even. Sometimes she feels like she’s still tiptoeing around him - she’s the one giving him all the fun and games, but when it comes to discipline, she finds that she’s quite rattled. He’s not her child, after all; she fears it’s not her place. Most of the time, she finds herself wondering how Lupin would deal with his son’s tantrums; she would love to see what Tonks would do. She reckons she would do anything to learn a bit more about parenthood from them both, even though (and to only remotely fathom this, her heart sinks) they haven’t had the chance to be parents for long. They would’ve been brilliant at it, though - this is merely her fantasy, sure, as she actually doesn’t know. Tonks and Lupin will remain fundamentally pure in her memory, because she doesn’t like to remember their flaws, especially not in relation to Teddy, and it won’t do any good to anyone, anyway.

‘Why don’t you finish up your milk first?’, she tries again, pointing at the abandoned mug on the floor. With a flick of her wand, she mildly warms it up again. 

He nods enthusiastically, but something goes wrong when he grabs the mug and he spills all the remaining milk all over himself and the blanket. He immediately looks up at her, his eyes filled with remorse and anticipation, almost as if he’s realised he’s gone a step too far. Ginny is aware that Teddy’s clumsy to the point of exasperating his grandmother, and that he might even expect a scolding for his little distraction, but she feels a sudden rush of affection towards him instead.

‘All right,’ she says, standing up and taking him in her arms. ‘Time for another bath.’

She could easily scurgify and dry up his pyjamas, but she remembers how good it would feel when her mum would bathe her and then wrap her in a warm towel, always offering her snuggles and kisses along the process. She repeats the same ritual with Teddy, even playing with some dragon and quaffle toys in the water with him, just as her mum used to - only that the toys, at the time, were old and faded, sometimes missing a paw or an eye. 

She wraps him in the softest towel she can find, swings him in her arms while dancing across the hallway to reach her bedroom, and pretends to drop him on her bed. He laughs so hysterically and uncontrollably that his hair becomes curly. Her heart couldn’t be any more full.

She retrieves his pyjamas bottoms with a quick ‘Accio’ and helps him wear them, but decides to leave his milk-stained t-shirt on the bathroom floor. She ransacks first Harry’s, and then her own clothes drawer in search of something clean for Teddy to wear that isn’t the top of Harry’s Auror uniform, a pair of mismatched socks, a bra or some old Christmas jumpers. 

That’s when she sees it, stuck in the back of the drawer - a hint of green. She touches the cotton fabric and seizes it. It still feels soft, despite having been left unworn and forgotten in a drawer for years.

She realises her hands are shaking. She’d never thought she could’ve forgotten.

.

Ginny had never assumed she could smell dust before, but now she’s quite positive she’s been in the wrong all her life. As she sits in the dining room of 12 Grimmauld Place, taking a break from the massive amount of cleaning her mother has decided to subject her to since they’ve moved here (no exceptions, not even today), she feels like every inch of her body is covered with dust. Her hair, her fingers, her nose - to the extent that she thinks she can actually smell it. And it’s not great, considering that the more extensive the efforts they make to clean up the house, the more the house seems to turn out filthier than before.

Today it’s only her and her mother on cleaning duty, though. Everyone else is too preoccupied with what’s going to happen tomorrow - the tense whispering and nervous pacing are becoming almost unbearable. Her mum is worried too, of course, but she reckons that trying to tidy up this wreck of a place is the only way she knows to distract herself at the moment. Ginny is, for one, happy to oblige. She’d never thought she’d say this, but she’d rather dust every single one of those house-elf heads hanging on top of the stairs with a toothbrush rather than giving in to everyone’s anxiety.

Amused by the thought, she gets up to go and do just that, but someone barges loudly in the room from the door behind her back.

‘Wotcher, Ginny,’ says a ringing voice. ‘So, where's the party?’

Ginny smiles at Tonks, who has styled her hair in a bright purple ponytail today. Before she can say anything, Tonks hands her a little parcel, wrapped in crumpled paper that must have once belonged to an issue of the Daily Prophet. She recognises some of the scattered, black-inked words - ‘The Boy Who Lies?’, or: ‘Let’s hope he hasn’t got a scar on his forehead or we’ll be asked to worship him next’, and: ‘Delusional teenager’, ‘Better skilled at seeking attention than golden snitches’,  ‘Expert Circe Bryce confirms that orphaned children often employ cunning strategies to cope with their abandonment complex (more on page 8).’

‘Sorry,’ utters Tonks with an apologetic half-smile. ‘That’s all I could find.’

Ginny shrugs and lets out an unlikely high-pitched cackle. Laughs at the irony of it all. Everything seems to be overflowing with Harry these days, even her birthday presents. 

She rips out the paper, unsure whether she’s more eager to see what’s inside or to get those stupid printed words out of her sight. The first thing that she finds is soft and bright green, an unmistakable green, and she already knows what it is.

‘You didn’t!’, she cries out in complete disbelief. ‘No way!’

‘Heard you’re a big fan.’

Ginny wields a Holyhead Harpies t-shirt in her hands as if it’s a trophy, her most prized possession, and her eyes are sparkling.

‘The design is from 1981, the year you were born, I s’pose,’ continues Tonks with a satisfied look on her face, pointing at the golden print on the front of the t-shirt. It reads Holyhead Harpies in a curly font, never seen before. ‘I thrifted it from a small shop in Diagon Alley. I should take you there some time.’

Ginny nods with excitement, although she’s only listened to half of what Tonks’s said, too busy marvelling at her new t-shirt.

‘Come on now,’ adds Tonks, sounding very amused, pointing at the half-opened parcel. ‘There’s something else in there.’

Ginny opens her eyes wide and immediately dives her hands into the wrapping paper. She finds something thin and folded - when she opens it, it reveals a moving picture of Gwenog Jones darting through the air on her broomstick.

‘She’s a badass, isn’t she,’ comments Tonks. Ginny doesn’t respond right away, too busy mentally scanning the walls of her bedroom back at the Burrow to decide where to hang the picture.

‘Blimey, you’re spoiling me, Tonks,’ she manages to let out after a bit, still holding the t-shirt with one hand and her new poster with the other. She then throws her arms around Tonks’s neck, squeezing her tight. ‘Thank you, so much.’

She doesn’t quite know what she’s done to deserve Tonks’s affection after knowing her for barely over a month. It’s true, they spend most of their days together under the same roof, but they seem to have just instantly connected regardless. Tonks embodies everything that she aspires to be one day, plus she’s bold, unbelievably funny, and doesn’t coddle her. It feels good to be surrounded by women that aren’t her mother for a change - soothing, even. For what may be the first time in her life, this summer she’s truly felt the urge and longing for female companionship - maybe because she’s finally started getting used to it, back at school and here at Grimmauld Place. And now that Hermione’s back to fussing over Harry with her brother, and her mother is too busy running around barking at people, she’s really only got Tonks to rely on. What amazes her is that Tonks doesn’t seem to mind - on the contrary, she appears to be rather thrilled to spend time with her when she can, unbothered by their age gap, almost taking her under her wing. In a time of her life in which she feels left out, a spare, Tonks has chosen to give her some purpose, to make her feel necessary. She doesn’t know why she does it, only that she’ll be eternally grateful for it.

‘Ah, it’s nothing,’ smiles Tonks, gently pulling away from her to give her a pointed look. ‘I’m sorry that we didn’t celebrate you more, though.’ 

She doesn’t need to add more about lingering wars, resistance movements and impending Ministry hearings.

‘What are you talking about,’ says Ginny, brushing those thoughts off quickly. ‘This birthday’s been dashing. Even your cousin’s made me a card.’

That’s quite true, actually. Her mum's baked a cake and everybody (well, except some angsty black-haired teenager, know anyone?) gathered around the table to sing her ‘Happy birthday’ first thing in the morning. Then she's opened her gifts - a jumper from her parents, quite a few boxes of Honeydukes from all her brothers, and the unexpected birthday card from Sirius, with the handmade drawing of a flying hippogriff that waves hello and smirks at her. Hermione's got her a book, unsurprisingly - but that’s frustrated her a little, because she knows she won’t be able to reciprocate on her own birthday, except with a stupid singing card and (if she’s lucky) with a box of chocolates stolen from one of her brothers. 

Tonks chuckles lightly. ‘Has that special boy wished you a happy birthday?’

Ginny shrugs, and just as she’s about to mutter a resentful ‘Barely’, she realises with a pinch of guilt that Tonks is talking about - well, another boy.

‘Michael’s sent me an owl,’ she says, blushing softly. ‘Said he misses me.’

‘Bet he does,’ remarks Tonks, observing her very carefully all of a sudden, as if she wants to read her mind. She waits a few seconds and then, rather out of the blue, she simply adds: ‘Don’t ever settle, all right?’

Ginny frowns, puzzled. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

Tonks doesn’t answer, but winks at her, laughing. ‘You’ll understand with time, you’ll see.’

And indeed, she will.

.

Ginny wonders if the small shop in Diagon Alley is still there after the war. She’d like to find it now, pay it a visit, maybe purchase something in Tonks’s honour. They’d never managed to go together, in the end.

She exhales heavily and taps the vintage Holyhead Harpies t-shirt with her wand, shrinking it just enough to fit Teddy perfectly. She reckons he should keep it; she doesn’t seem to have it in her to wear it, anyway.

Teddy falls asleep peacefully wearing that t-shirt and maybe it’s pathetic, maybe it’s irrational, but she can’t help hoping that his mother’s touch will comfort him in his dreams tonight. 

She’s so deep in her thoughts that she doesn’t notice that Harry’s arrived home until he plants a gentle kiss on the back of her head.

‘Tough evening?’, he asks softly, gesturing towards Teddy.

Ginny sighs, leaning her head on his chest. ‘It was fine.’

He seems to understand, though, and decides not to push further. They hold each other in silence for a while, their eyes captured by the little boy snuggled under the blanket and asleep in their bed. Staring at the past and the future, all at once.

[namu-the-orca]

Arctic Odontocetes

And here's the three other Icelandic whales poster illustrations. All true Arctic species, roaming the frigid water of the high north. While Atlantic white-sided dolphins can occasionally be spotted along European shores, Narwhal and Belugas roam the true ice seas.

Narwhals are famous for their rather striking dentition: the huge, up to 3 meter long tusk, is hard to miss. It's actually their left canine tooth - every once in a while the right canine erupts too, making for a double-tusker. It's usually only males who are so adorned, as only a very small number of females (15%) bear tusks.

The exact function of the tusk is still debated: originally thought to be a simple weapon, now it is mostly thought to serve as a secondary sexual characteristic, inducing status in the bearer. The bigger the tooth, the sexier the man. However, researchers suspect they may have many more functions. Through the tusk run thousands of nerves which enable Narwhals to sense differences in water temperature and salinity. On top of that tusks have been observed to aid hunting and social interactions between males, and perhaps more. And the occasional Narwhal has been found with a broken tusk embedded in their cheek. So perhaps some good ole fashioned fighting happens after all, though no one has ever observed it happening.

The tuskless females survive just fine without them though and often live to be even older than males (up to 115 years!), so the advantages can't be that critical. Nevertheless it's fascinating to think about. Somewhere out there in the ice cold seas where we would freeze to death in an instant, swim whales - fellow mammals - sensing the waters with their 3 meter long canine tooth, occasionally slapping a fish unconscious. A wholly alien experience lived by an animal not so essentially different from us.

Atlantic white-sided dolphins may be far less mysterious, but nevertheless amongst my favourite delphinids. They've such beautiful markings. And the beluga... no doubt well known too as living marshmallows. I must say that youtube videos of their melons and fatty flabs being wobbled is great watching material.

Also - the "Whales of Iceland" poster is officially up for sale! You can nab one at Pappyr's website here. Not sponsored or anything, I just think the poster turned out super neat.

[choochooboss]

Introducing your station master & Magma event host!

Since there's already a lot of passengers visiting this station and I haven't spared much time to get to know my fellow submas fans over Tumbrl yet, an introduction would be in place!

I'm Jun, nice to meet you! *offers a hand for for a shake* I am a devoted submas artist & a monthly Magma event host! I go by ChooChooBoss everywhere (Twitter/Bsky/Twitch/Ko-Fi)!

This will be a long post! I will write a short intro as well which you can just skim through but here is a more in depth view how I got into submas, my other interests and life in general, in case you'd wish to know more about your conductor on this silly train!

How did I get into submas in the first place?

PLA. I met this certain mysterious & cool fellow time traveler and got curious! After the cave scene I went to read his Wiki, found out about Emmet, and... yeah. The emotional impact blasted me right out of a miserable cycle I was going through back then and set my soul on fire!! A month later I set up my first art account on Twitter, and the rest is history. They've become my greatest source of strength and inspiration and I enjoy drawing them every single day!

I love both twins very much! I tend to vibe with Ingo a little more than Emmet, but I draw Emmet more. People say I remind of butler Ingo the most, hehe. I certainly don't mind because I'm a big fan of butlermas!! In fact I got into submas & started playing Pokémon Masters EX in April 2022, a week before butler Ingo banner rolled in, so they truly got a special place in my heart ahah! (pssst draw more butlermas for me pls pls pls-)

However I don't draw warden Ingo as much as I would like to. I still get pretty emotional over his fate ahah, I can't draw him without a single tear! This sweet & kind man leading a good life and being an inspiration to others has been torn from literally everything he had for seemingly no reason apart from his name, clothes and the muscle memory and even those are barely intact. It seems like a miracle he's still standing and breathing after put through everything judging by the wear and tear on his uniform and body. Despite all that he carries a positive attitude, assists everyone in need, and does his best to help people and pokémon understand each other, unconditionally... Oh, my face is wet again...

My other interests besides submas?

Monster Hunter! Zelda! Genshin Impact! Super Mario! Trine! Crash Team Racing! And many many more! My favourite genres are platformers, kart racers, and action games, with a side of rhythm games. I'm a big fan of co-op games! I also watch my sis play JRPGs!

Monster Hunter is the dearest to me out of all. I've been hunting for well over a decade starting from MHFU. The games have charmed me with their incredibly satisfying combat system, world building, creature design, great attention to detail, character customisation and the games being nearly fully co-op!!

Other things I do:

Pokémon is practically the only turn-based game I enjoy, mainly because of the characters and collection aspect. However!! I adore Pokémon Colosseum (the first pkmn game I ever played!) and it's double battle focus, so The Indigo Disc has been a delight after the long starvation for double battles, coming up with different combinations makes the battles much more fun to me!!... I sound like Emmet here do I ahahah! We also share the fact we are both left-handed!

Shuffle dancing, daily pull-ups, and expanding my ever growing VGM collection! I also enjoy traveling and taking photos to keep as a diary! I've played piano in a music school for 9 years, and I can also play kalimba. I've done casual boxing, gymnastics, horse riding and medieval swordfighting. I used to read comics/manga and watch movies and anime but nowadays I barely do that, I just rather use that time for drawing instead of just sitting and watching, unless I have company!

I share the apartment with my anxious brother and our two sweet female cats, Laku (11, stubborn and cuddly) and Kalevi (21, demanding and full of love) in a city center. My parents are both entrepreneurs and run a farm in the countryside & I have 4 siblings with me as the middle kid!

Where can you meet me?

I am a game artist by profession, with 4 yrs of studies and roughly 7 years of EXP in the field doing game art, UI design, character/prop design, in mobile games as well as PC titles, 2D and 3D. At the moment I am looking for work; I keep up the motivation and learn new skills by running my art accounts while looking for new opportunities.

I hail from the land of darkness, snow, salmiakki, metalheads and renownly reserved people, Finland! (UTC+2)

Despite having my roots here I am pretty much the opposite of a typical Finn in almost every sense ahah! I'm a small guy who's not afraid talking to strangers and laughs a lot. And I dislike coffee for the contrary, it's very popular amongst finns.

With the inspiration from submas I've finally stepped into the world of cosplay so you can usually meet this small and excitable Ingo in the biggest local conventions, Desucon and Tracon! Come say hi!

About my social battery:

I'm both social and socially anxious ahah! I love making new friends and talking to all sorts of people and writing comments, and gathering together with my mutuals to do cool stuff together! However my social battery is very small... I often struggle with my AD(H)D and anxiety issues, so my replies can be extremely slow. I'm easily overwhelmed when life gets busy and I deal with it by withdrawing to minimise the the stimuli and then sorting my stuff out one by one. This is a frustrating shortcoming, but I'm working hard to find a balance I can maintain without getting exhausted. Please be patient with me! If you don't hear from me in a while, please don't take it personally! In fact, it makes me really happy if you contact me, for any purpose!

Which pronouns do I go with?

I go by they/them! I am also aroace, so if I appear to show any sort of romantic interest, it's definitely not that. I love meeting new people and am quite interested in people in general so I'm excited to get to know you better, but the thing is... I have been confusing people on several occassions for saying things that could be taken as flirting. I am terribly sorry for that, that's just the way I show how I care!

I don't really identify myself by any specific gender either, but rather by my roles or interests (Magma host, submas fan, game artist etc.). Submas encouraged me to enjoy dressing formally even if I'm just sitting at home, because I love formal clothing in general and wearing them makes me feel confident and stand taller! I usually wear collar shirts and black or white slacks.

More about my AD(H)D:

I don't have an official diagnosis but deal with the same problems as AD(H)D people do; poor work memory, dissociation, hyperfocus (drawing and people), sleep deprivation, impulsiveness (juggling too many things and going with the wind), getting sensory/information overloads, and feeling like I don't fit in. I figured it out after I finished school & lost my job for that I am unable to handle big tasks without anyone giving me directions. It has taken a while but I've figured out things that help me manage my daily life as well as have a medication that mainly boosts my capability to get things started which is another great struggle ahah.

How do I manage to keep myself on track?

I use a Pomodoro timer to keep up a good flow and remember to take breaks! This is what I use the most:

I should set it up on my tablet as well. I think it's really cool to see how many hours I have actually put into drawing! Last year I clocked in well over 3k hours, ahaha!

How to catch me?

Right now I have great difficulty managing replies, but usually you can reach me by DMs! I check Discord and Twitter the most often! However I must ask you to respect my current DNI status. It means I am really overwhelmed so I wish nobody comes asking for my attention until it has been lifted, unless it's really necessary. I really love talking to you all but I also have to accept and deal with my own limits strictly like this or it won't work out.

What am I working on at the moment?

Besides the holiday set I have several short comics under works as well as one big comic (100+ pages!). That one is my personal greatest goal! I started working on it in June 2022 and I have currently 40+ pages sketched and 60+ thumbnailed.

I was afraid of starting any comic projects before submas, but the sheer excitement over them carried me over that personal wall ahah!

The story's beginning and end are looking good and somewhat functional but there's still a lot to work to do and holes to fill in the middle before I dare to start fleshing out the pages. I have little experience in writing or comic making so I hope you forgive if some things don't make sense or the dialogue is a little on the nose so to say ahah!

The story will be packed with action with the overall tone being on the darker side, but it sure won't be lacking in humor! The project's main goal is to make it a celebration of all things submas & to prove to myself I can handle a big scale project despite my shortcomings!

This train has reached the terminal!

Thank you for riding my silly submas train!! I adore reading all your tags and comments! They brighten up my day & fuel my passion even more!! I hope to bring many more fun things for you to look forward to!! See you again soon!

ALL ABOARD!!

[makingspiritualityreal]

Mars Ruled Nakshatras - Longing For Forgotten Shine

The Nakshatras of Mars experience a unique condition of struggling to let go of the past due to external circumstances freezing them in place either physically or emotionally, and the present being exceptionally punishing in contrast with a blissfully unaware and comfortable past.

@thehiddenoctave explored this particular theme in his video about Mrigashira Nakshatra, but this phenomenon is something that can be observed in all Mars ruled Nakshatras.

For most accurate results in chart research, I recommend the Kala Astrological Software by Ernst Wilhelm, that gives you an option of calculating Nakshatras based on the position of Mula in the Galactic Center. This Calculation may slightly change your Nakshatra alignment, although that doesn't always happen, and I find it to be the most accurate Vedic Astrology Calculation option available in the world. It is a game changer, and has been the cherry on top of my many years of Astrology study. I mention this here because I used this software for celebrity research, that led to conclusions for this post.

For more understanding of Mrigashira, I recommend visiting the Hidden Octave's YouTube Channel, where there is a long video focusing on this Nakshatra in particular.

To better explore and understand the theme of difficulty in moving on in Mars Nakshatras, one needs to understand the position of Mars in the Nakshatra wheel. The Mars stage comes right after the Moon stage.

In the Moon stage, we have a unique capacity of garnering attention in one form or another, due to the Moon's ability for capturing the senses and manipulating their audience. Thus, in the Moon stage we enjoy a unique Lunar Radiance, that draws people in. Different Moon Nakshatras have variations in expression of that experience, the circle of trustees getting larger with every stage. Rohini relates more to domestic and family comforts, Hasta extends to business partnerships and Shravana tends to be the collective favourite child and has a knack for being a center piece of communities and attracting crowds. These people tend to naturally attract attention, care and companionship throughout their lives. That happens, even if they suffer personal losses. One person appears to caretake them in some form after the next.

The Mars stage is where we gradually loose all of that attention and protection. Mars Nakshatra natives normally have a knack for early success in life in some form, as they are still running off steam of the latent lunar influence from the previous stage. These natives suffer a lot from the Golden Child syndrome - first pampered, then discarded. The issue with the Mars stage, is that these natives are formed just like the Lunar natives in their childhood years. They naturally get adjusted to receiving a lot of attention and adulation. Then, due to unpleasant external events, they lose that adulation, typically as a result of betrayal by those, that were supplying them with the very emotional care they are so attached to.

As a result, the entire nervous system of these natives goes into shock, and they become fundamentally defensive. Depending on ones chart, two scenarios can occur.

The healthier scenario, is that the native properly develops and uses their Mars energy, and becomes the builder and protector of their own circle of safety, away from those, that subjected them to betrayal in the first place, and making sure no one suffers like they had to. In charts where Mars Nakshatras are particularly well functioning, there is almost an inborn animal instinct, that these people rely on, that makes them look for a way out of birth circumstances and leaving the Moon stage innocence and naiveté behind. That can occur in particular with Ketu in Martian Nakshatras, which shows a past life talent for sensing an inherent lack of safety in any environment. For instance, I have Ketu in Mrigashira, and I never trusted my family circle, and always looked for ways to leave it since the youngest age.

Sadly, there is also another scenario, which can easily occur if the planets in Mars Nakshatras are under some form of affliction, which causes emotional strain to the native and messes with their mindset. In the other scenario, the native becomes frozen in the long forgotten past, living a life of illusions, constantly wounded by the fact, that the life they so cling to will never come back. They realise, that the people who hurt them were never good to begin with and they stopped caring for them in the present, in fact only used them and never cared for them to begin with, and they can't cope with that, so they mentally escape into the past, into a time, where they still felt like they received the protection and nurtuting they miss now.

You can find very good examples of this phenomenon related to Mrigashira Nakshatra in the Hidden Octave video, which mentions a character of a child prodigy that has grown up to become stuck at home, filled with resentment, way into her matured age. She spends her time reminiscing on her easier times as a child actress, adored by her parents, but put into a reprehensible position due to her sister's insane jealousy.

Chitra natives tend to be more physical in their expression of Mars traits, modifying their bodies in order to retain youth and finances, since their family may have been more affluent in the past, but might have faced financial loss or simply separation. This motivates these natives to go to great lengths to preserve the illusion of status and comfort, experienced in the past, and makes them prone to playing social games and enjoying material wealth as "toys", just so they can feel like a child on the playground again.

The screenshot from the top of the post talks about a Dhanishta Moon native, Britney Spears, famous singer and dancer since a very young age, then betrayed and drugged by her family, now a wreck, stuck in her past dream of her family's adoration for her through her career status, still performing young girl dance routines, even though it's more inappropriate and disturbing with every passing day as she matures into her 40s.

These Nakshatra examples are a good place to mention, that the desperation of Mars natives is what can ironically pave their path into further success. A desire for attention leads to developing seduction methods to keep sustaining that attention. A desire for physical beauty motivates these natives towards acts such as plastic surgery to keep looking youthful. A desire for the attention of the crowds makes these natives act in provocative ways, just so that they feel someone will still keep talking about them. However, these acts usually end up either collapsing, as one is not really contributing anything useful to the world, which grows bored of the native, or producing love-hate reactions from the crowds, which only exacerbates these native's emotional problems.

Mars is healed, when it completely cuts off the past, lets go, stops trying to control people's reactions and trying to constantly get external validation and attention and charters its own course, developing independence. A healed Mars is a builder, that sets realistic goals and focuses on them, without looking for external approval. Mars is a spiritual planet, and it is where we develop faith in something bigger than ourselves for the first time, which ends up being crowned and maturing in Jupiter.

Mars is the King's Soldier and a Soldier's Mantra, is that he marches forward even when he doesn't know where he's going, because it's the belief in his path and the rhythm of his journey that keeps him alive.

[bestanimatedmovie]

Choose your favorite!

Time to fly!

Vote in the other polls!

What fans say:

How To Train Your Dragon:

The message was just nice. I have a lot of nostalgia for it. I used to be a huge dragon nerd as a kid and dragons just weren't that prevalent in media here, especially not as friendly figures. I still love HTTYD and it's sequels nowadays.

It was one of my favorite movies as a kid and one of the few movies I watched that wasn't a barbie movie, it's just really cool.

Best movie featuring dragons period. The pure wish fulfillment fantasy of having a highly intelligent fantasy creature companion that can fly and doesn’t mind being ridden like a horse, therefore also the best execution of the dragon rider trope in all of fiction. Extremely funny, adding to the comedy is the fact that only adults have Scottish accents and all the teens have an American accent. So good that even its tv show follow up was decent by extension. The bit where Hiccup is trying to earn Toothless' trust and they start to work together changed me on a fundamental level.

I LOVE IT SO MUCHSHJKBSKHGDK I have a bone dysplasia which causes some bones to be a little bit more hollow and whenever I would feel a pain in my top back, 8 year old me was like ''woah I'm growing wings its my time to fly like toothless'' lol and it was always a dream of mine to fly. Weirdly enough I could relate to toothless because the "not being able to fly but you should be" felt like an allegory to a lot of my life! It gave me hope when he WAS able to after the help of others + the care he always needed + that mechanic wing thing made me feel like with the right ''recipe'' could help me get better too. My favourite scene is the first flight!! I love the animation for it, it makes me feel like im flying through the clouds too! The soundtrack is amazing too, I still cry to the songs.

I could write an entire essay about how much I love this movie, it truly is one of the best films ever made to me. Utterly flawless on both a technical level and a story-telling level. Not to mention the score oh my GOD the score of this movie changed my life. There are too many scenes that are so impactful, but the Forbidden Friendship scene has to be one of the best. Test Drive too.

This is literally my favorite movie of all time. This movie got me through the worst times in my life. It’s about love and friendship and all that lovely goopy stuff and it’s also fucking gorgeous.

THE cinematic masterpiece of our generation. On god.

This movie is an absolute masterpiece, the animation is pretty, the score is perfect, the relationship between Toothless and Hiccup is so sweet, Toothless is absolutely adorable. Definitely one of DreamWork's best films.

It's a beautifully animated movie about an unconventional viking boy named Hiccup finding his place in a world where dragons and vikings are constantly at odds, and how he changes the world around him. The dragon designs are unique and beautiful, and the vikings are larger than life and match the exaggerated setting.

Who on Tumblr DOESN'T want a dragon best friend I ask you. I would kill to have what Hiccup & Toothless have.

It does a brilliant job balancing tropes in a way that subverts and plays into them. There is so much in it for both adults and kids, it doesn't look like other animated films, it feels more grounded and in that realism it becomes so beautiful. The friendship in the film feels very real despite one of the characters being unable to talk! Forbidden Friendship scene is, in my opinion, the greatest scene in the history of cinema. The music, the lighting, the cinematography, the pacing, the emotions, it is practically perfect in every way. I could go on but I think ya get it.

God this movie defined my childhood and it's still so good when I rewatch it now. I'm guessing you'll have had this submitted a good few times bc it goddamn deserves it but. Hiccup is so relatable and !! dragons !! big cute dragons whose animation models are based on cats!! based fr

I have many fond childhood memories of this movie and in particular I loved how my cousin would "talk" for Toothless (cousin was babysitting us when we first watched the movie). Another thing is The SCORE. The music is iconic and awe inspiring to this day. That first time when Hiccup and Toothless fly together and it Works and the score absolutely goes HARD, I loose my breath every time. It's great. Also have you seen Toothless he's an adorable dragon and a badass, what's not to love?

Makes me cry every time because Hiccup and Toothless are such good friends and they love each other and end up as two halves of a boy dragon soulmate sandwich also the music is extremely good who doesn’t like dragons anyway.

It's the story of a beautiful friendship forming between a boy who doesn't fit in and a dragon who is the last of his kind. It's so cute. And it shows positive representation of disability, Hiccup and Toothless become disabled in ways that meaningfully parallel each other. Hiccup makes a prosthetic tail fin! And Toothless is just so cute!

The sound track is amazing

Honestly everything is phenomenal. It has a good use of comedy and an excellent story and character development. There are also countless beautiful and awe-inspiring scenes supported by an amazing score.

Up:

It is a very emotional movie about an old man learning to still enjoy life even though his wife died.

Such a beautiful film about loss

[saneabandoned]

Diving into Star Wars: The Clone Wars

“Good soldiers follow orders.”

This seems to encapsulate the whole seven seasons of the series Star Wars: The Clone Wars. If you haven’t seen it, haven’t heard of it – in short, it’s an animated series set between Episode II and III of the prequel saga. However, the aim of this is not to be a guide – you can go to Wookiepedia for that; this is supposed to be an essay – analysis, some kind of a deeper-ish dive into the philosophy and meaning of the series, that frankly is one of the best things to happen to this film universe, perhaps ever. I have, time and again, tried to explain for myself the meaning it carries and just why it has me in such a strong chokehold, but I have failed, or at least haven’t reached a conclusion. Maybe it’s not possible, maybe it’s just the magic of being a fan – you see and feel things not everyone would understand, because it speaks to you on some personal level, that even some (more chill than me, at least) fans won’t be able to entirely relate to. I have yet to meet a person as obsessive as I am over all kinds of different media – don’t get me wrong, even though Star Wars is without a doubt my favourite universe, there are many more I have indulged in, wrote about, watched, listened, theorized and all that good stuff throughout many years. But as I have recently come to realize, I have spent the last ten-ish years of my (not that long, to be fair) conscious life thinking about this universe, this whole galaxy (pun absolutely intended) of characters, morals, and plots.

Speaking about morals, that’s where some of the importance of The Clone Wars comes for me personally. Ever since I can remember, Star Wars has been a huge deal in my life – I watched the movies at a very young age (thanks, mom!), but started reading more and more into the whole world as I got older. I thought I’d reached the peak somewhere in high school when I would literally rewatch the prequels every single weekend, and the OG movies about once a month too. I just found it mesmerising, I always have – being a person with a huge imagination, that never quite stops working (and that’s caused me some trouble as well), I found a haven in this world, a place where nothing is too weird, everything is just so brilliantly imagined and thought of, written and painted so vividly, that it feels like someone has taken the insides of my brain, turned them into a whole painting, adding stories, characters and just overall putting into words and pictures the things that I can’t really understand and explain for myself. I found a mirror in this world, a sanctuary for all my thoughts. I used to listen to the soundtracks whenever I felt anxious, and it would transport me directly into the universe I felt so safe in. It was an escape from reality; still is – not that reality was or is particularly scary or unbearable for me; but sometimes I wish I was elsewhere; somewhere where there is courage, bravery, adventure, love, all the things I longed for while being quite honestly, mostly a bored teenager at school.

I have always loved writing, loved expressing my thoughts, putting them into words (as is becoming obvious by this text) and have always greatly appreciated when films, books or other media would reciprocate that – when the words on the screen or the page would feel like I wrote them myself, so true, so real, so incredibly close to me, that I would get literal shivers and wonder if telepathy is actually possible. But hey, that’s The Force for you!

As of now, I have just finished completely rewatching the whole Clone Wars series and as always, I have many thoughts on it. The first time I watched it was right after the final season came out because at that time, and especially during the pandemic, I was going deeper than ever into my interests, rewatching all my favourite things, while also searching for new ones to keep me from going absolutely insane (I think I maybe have succeeded in the opposite though). So, stumbling across this series, I thought I’d give it a try. The rest is history – after absolutely and hungrily devouring it, I continued to Rebels, and every other possible piece of media under the sun. Fabulous times.

Now, one thing I’d like to make clear – I’m not a pro. I am not in any way a certified critic, a writer, or any other sort of person authorised to make such an analysis. I am but a fan, a fan for whom this universe means more than I could ever hope to be able to put into words; a fan who after years of contemplation, has reached a point where I can’t keep it inside any longer. I’d love if this piece of writing makes it out in the universe, reaches as many people who enjoy Star Wars as much as I do, but even if not, I am writing it for myself, I am trying to step out of my comfort zone, reach deep into myself, and in a life of struggling with the loudness of my thoughts, trying to put something down, manifesting my emotions and creating something physical from them; these characters that mean so much to me will never be real, I can never hope to speak to them, touch them, or see them in real life. They have although shaped me as a person and largely formed my psyche and morals, view of the world, inner monologue, even some of my characteristics.

So nevertheless, for me they are more real than a lot of people I know are.

***

To begin, I don’t intend to focus on the Jedi’s role in the war – it is of course vital, but I think the discourse about that is to be found more detailed in relation to the movies, namely the prequels, as CW is very much about the clones themselves. When I first started watching it, I will be honest, I didn’t think I’d find what I ended up finding – and that is such depth that I couldn’t imagine finding again, after being a fan of the movies, both OG and prequels, for so long. But was I wrong!

But let’s start with Ahsoka, since I started by mentioning the Jedi and she is one of the first new characters to appear (besides Rex and many others, of course). First, I wasn’t convinced that I liked her much – she was a bit of an annoying youngling for the first few seasons, after all. I wanted Anakin and that’s about it. Well, I got what I wanted, I think, as I am firm in my opinion that Anakin’s arc is so widely explored that you get a whole another view of his character, something I didn’t think was possible, after all – isn’t the entire saga about him? It is, but still – what I saw in CW, through characters such as Ahsoka and Rex, contributed so much to Anakin’s development as a character and leading force in the saga as I don’t think anything else ever did in the movies, any of them. So, yes, I got what I wanted, but also, I got so much more – Anakin is not my main point of discussion here, I think as main of a character he might be in this series, he is not THE main one, at least not for me. And as Dave Filoni is quoted saying – The Clone Wars is about Ahsoka and Rex.

Who are they? That was my main wonder when I first started watching – why would I care about a random clone captain and a youngling? They are both not present in the movies, and the clones themselves have very little personality there, they are just side characters, until they end up executing Order 66, which is of course devastating. But after watching CW, I completely changed my outlook on it, but more on that later. So, Ahsoka and Rex – admittedly, in the beginning, I didn’t find that much since it’s just mainly classic Star Wars battles and a loose plot that is not absolutely VITAL to the end result but brings so much deeper insight into the clones’ personalities, and ultimately through that to the whole feel.

What I really find devastating about this series is the nagging feeling of doom you inevitably carry with you – you spend so many episodes and seasons watching your favourite characters win numerous battles, you root for them, you cry and laugh with them, you grow so attached to them; but you know how the story ends, you’ve seen Anakin become Vader, again you know about Order 66, you know the Empire rises after all and Palpatine’s plan works – and every time you hear someone say “you’re going to lose this war”, you hope for the opposite, but you know they’re right and there’s nothing to be done – evil wins in the end of this. And as I read somewhere – this is a story that happened a long time ago – it’s over, it has already happened, there is no hope, at least in this series, which I find frankly terrifying. Amazingly done, but still heartbreaking.

Clones, war, and choices

The point about choices and what it means to be a soldier gradually becomes more and more pronounced as the show goes on – one amazing example of this is the Umbara arc where the 501st is led not as usual by Anakin, but by Pong Krell (who later turns out to be a traitor of course). This is one of the darkest moments in the show, as clones are made to kill one another, to sacrifice themselves without reason, and for the first time to face an incompetent, and frankly evil general, and to choose to disobey. This is for me a crucial moment, as the clones have never before chosen to disobey direct orders – they were, after all, made to comply and to follow what their generals tell them to.

"I used to believe that being a good soldier meant doing everything they told you. That's how they engineered us. But we're not droids. We're not programmed. You have to learn to make your own decisions."

But here, we can see the conflict – especially in Rex, as he is the captain and has to face the general and answer for his deeds. He looks him directly in the eye and tells him they are not willing to go on a suicide mission, that they will not follow his orders, after he’s made them fight and kill their brothers unknowingly, and even ordered Fives and Jesse to be executed. However, Rex struggles with killing Krell, when he decides to; he orders him to kneel and points the blaster at his back but is unable to fire the shot. Once again, Star Wars proves that its plot has much deeper nuances and philosophies; for the first time here, we are faced with the harsh truth – the clones are people. We know that, but it somehow gets lost in the movies, as the focus there is on the Jedi’s end, which is just as tragic, of course. But before now, no one has considered what it really means to be a clone. They were made for war, they were made to die, their lives and their deaths were planned. Are the Jedi and the Republic, in that case, really the “good” side? That’s what I, at least, started to reflect on when I reached this point in the series, and it changed my whole outlook on the saga, on everything I have seen thus far. Yes, I still think the Jedi are cool and whatnot – but did they not deserve what happened to them for so blindly exploiting their soldiers? They didn’t know about Order 66 of course, and Palpatine is in no way right – but how come the Jedi are innocent in this? I don’t think they are, at least not fully. They could’ve stopped so much suffering and helped so many more clones, if not for their narrow views, which are all the reason for the clones’ suffering, Ahsoka’s leaving and consequently, Anakin’s betrayal.

"Sometimes in war, it's hard to be the one that survives."

Oh, Cody, Co-dy! The friendship the clones and in this case – Rex and Cody – share is truly precious and very accentuated in this arc especially (here the first arc of the last season) – it is Cody who Rex confides in about not wanting to lose any more brothers, as he knows he is one of the few ones who will understand him fully, what it means to be a soldier, to have to live with the morals of war, to have never known anything but loss. This is what makes Rex dive and slightly recklessly (thank God) search for Echo, proving that he’s alive, saving him from the tortures. They are brothers, and they never leave their own behind. But he is not possessive or jealous, and when he senses Echo’s pull towards Clone Force 99, he is ready to give him the push he needs to join them. He knows his brothers, as I said, and he knows the trials of war, so if Echo will feel even an ounce happier with this squad, he deserves it, after all he’s endured – “If that’s where you feel your place is, then that's where you belong."

Therefore, I love the Skako Minor arc and Echo’s retrieval, not only because it sets up the ground for The Bad Batch (I’m not even going to begin trying to explain what it means to me, as it deserves to have another huge debate on its own), but because it shows Rex’s devotion to his brothers – all of them. Even though he tries to be just a soldier, to live through the deaths, he still cares immensely, and that’s what makes him a good captain. His bravery is unmatched, he is always the one leading his men, and looking out for them, because he knows his men, he stands and fights side by side with them, and he’s ready to die on the battlefield, thus setting the example for everyone.

The philosophy of war is extremely complicated – this is what I enjoyed so much about the series (and the movies of course, politics and war is the main theme), among all other things; the fact that we see war as destroying, as a necessary evil, as a tragedy by itself – but war also created life in this case and its ending brought much more death than any of the battles ever did.

"The mission... the nightmares. They're finally... over."

I’m sorry, but I think I have never witnessed anything as remotely tragic as Fives’ arc – Palpatine told only him the whole truth, fully knowing no one would believe the clone hasn’t lost his mind; but the sacrifice the trooper made ultimately saved so many lives, mostly Rex’s, one of his closest friends. Fives never got to reunite with Echo but losing him made Rex realise how important every brother is to him, and in consequence, he never gave up on any of them (not that he was inclined to do so before of course). In his last sane moment, Rex begged Ahsoka to “find Fives”, and she understood. She knew the clones better than anyone and knew exactly what that meant and never doubted it for a second. Fives saved her life, too.

Fives’ arc is the first time the show begins to become darker and more sombre – it is also the point when we as spectators begin to realize what Order 66 actually means, having seen before only its results; but this time we see its execution, through the eyes of the clones themselves. They are forced to kill all Jedi, after being their most loyal soldiers, and honestly – incredibly loyal friends as well. They can’t control it and it’s not their choice – but that doesn’t mean they don’t realize what they’re doing – Rex said he couldn’t help it; Wrecker said he tried to fight it (The Bad Batch); Bly shot Aayla so many times, so she wouldn’t suffer and her death would be quick; Cody didn’t even check if Obi-Wan was dead; Wolffe didn’t kill Plo Koon. They were people, they were made to do inhumane things, but they found a way, they made a choice, so that they could somehow live with it after.

We get all of this through the clones’ perspective, rather than the Jedi, and it’s just as painful, if not more – we are used to hearing “the army betrayed its generals”, but what happens when we realise, they couldn’t do anything about it? What happens when we see the struggle, when we can almost feel the pain of having to betray? The clones, the most loyal creatures ever created, made for loyalty, have to turn on their generals, on their comrades, on their closest friends.

So, I come back to Ahsoka and Rex. We see them in the very first moment of the show, and they have already formed a bond, which is unlike anything else. They fight side by side the whole war – from the battle of Christophsis to the Siege of Mandalore – and Dave Filoni is truly right when he says this show is about them; but I think also in a broader sense. It is about two creatures who were destined to fight all their lives, who no matter their completely opposite backgrounds, turned out to be the same things – soldiers. Through and through, in their own ways. Their friendship transcends beyond all of this, they have a unique connection, that’s never shaken, even in the direst of moments; even years later, when they meet (in Rebels), you can feel their love for one another, the purest friendship there ever was, somehow ironically created by the ugliness of war and constant fight. Both Rex and Ahsoka suffered losses we cannot imagine – Rex says he tries not to hold on to any of his brothers, and Ahsoka is a Jedi, so it is forbidden for her to form such attachments; but we know. We see it in their eyes, we can hear it when they speak. Rex can never forget Fives’ death and the fact that he died thinking no one believed him; he ran to Skako Minor in an instant even though it might have been a trap, but the chance to save Echo was not one he was going to miss out on this time. And he saved his brother, against all odds. And he saved Ahsoka, as she saved him, time and again. Because that's what brothers do.

“I’m no Jedi” – an interesting phrase for Ahsoka and Rex to have in common, given how different both their roles and backgrounds seem to be, but it is indeed the one they unexpectedly share. Spoken first by Rex here, and then a lot later by Ahsoka in Rebels, it is highly unprovable that it’s on purpose. However, I don’t think anything in Star Wars is done without a reason, so I choose to believe there is some thread connecting them – after all it is Rex and Ahsoka, and that will always matter. What it means for both of them is simultaneously the same, yet different – Rex is the clone closest to the Jedi, there is no doubt about this; he’s used to their ways, he has as equally as strong a moral code, so it is somehow thinly implied that he acts similar to them, despite (or thanks to) being one of the strongest and most respected clone leaders. His closeness to both his general and commander is widely known, so no one seems to pay attention to the fact that he is actually a clone, as he makes his own decisions, and often chooses to fight where a Jedi would opt to step back.

Ahsoka and Anakin

For me Ahsoka became the best character in the whole saga, no ounce of doubt, sorry. She is the embodiment of the Force, she is fierce, loyal, but also incredibly wise for someone her age, and someone who is still learning. On many an occasion, she proves to be more experienced than Anakin (and in my book, experience outranks everything) and I feel like he’s learned as much from her as she did from him – if not more. She is the one keeping him sane and grounded, and I’m a firm believer that had she not left the order, he wouldn’t turn. Ahsoka’s presence brings so many new layers to Anakin’s character, that have not been explored before that and had she stood by him, he wouldn’t be able to become what he became. So, yes – ultimately, I blame the Jedi order for Anakin’s betrayal, I always have, but after watching this series, and seeing it from another point of view, I simply cannot be shaken. They took everything from him and left him alone, which has always been his weakest – he has always been this little child, terrified by the dark, later consumed by it, now unable to fight it anymore. The Jedi made him, and they unmade him too. In my opinion, he shouldn’t have ever been a Jedi in the first place – he is not like Obi-Wan, not like Yoda, not even like Ahsoka (who is not the traditional Jedi either, being trained by him) – he is so powerful and so weak at the same time, and that’s where his dilemma lays – who am I? Which side am I on? He doesn’t know, but no one is there to help him – Ahsoka included, as she (rightfully so!) leaves the order when she sees the truth about it. But she carries that guilt ever since.

She blames herself for leaving Anakin, she blames herself for not fighting alongside him when he needed it; for leaving her friend, her brother. If I were Ahsoka, I would have done the same – she was betrayed by the Jedi, not by Anakin, not ever, but still. He stood with the Order when she needed him by her side. And that is what destroys him too. The loss of his padawan, his most loyal friend is unlike anything else, and for her, leaving this life that’s all she’s ever known, transforms her view on everything. And when she inevitably returns, because that’s where she is supposed to be in order for the prophecy to happen – she must be there, but not by Anakin’s side; she doesn’t fit anywhere else, but she doesn’t fit there anymore either; and she can’t follow him, so she’s sent to Mandalore, again alongside the clones, her brothers, she goes down fighting with Rex. She’s always been his sister more than a Jedi; she didn’t ever belong anywhere else but on a battlefield. She may not be a clone, and she wasn’t meant to be a soldier either; but just like the clones, the war is all she’s ever known, and even though she was meant to be a peacekeeper, peace was something she never knew, especially after Anakin’s turn to the Dark side – even though there is no longer a war, she is forever tormented by the voices she heard in his last moments as her beloved master and the pain she felt when he left.

She knew it was over in that moment – Order 66 is by far the most heartbreaking arc of them all and I can never watch it without then spending weeks thinking about it – it’s genius, really, how Palpatine had this evil plan, dictated the whole war without anyone noticing; and it worked. It worked and changed the whole entire galaxy, and nothing could have prevented it – except maybe Anakin turning; and that is what Ahsoka can’t get over; she feels it is somehow partially her fault that the dark won; if only she hadn’t left, it haunts her forever. She doesn’t know Anakin is Vader, not until she meets him after, so she thinks he’s dead like the rest of the Jedi – and when she finds out what truly happened to him, she passes out (in Rebels; another terrific moment) because the pain is just too strong – the mixture of his known presence in the Force, and his new persona, that is torn from pain and suffering, feelings so intense and unknown to her she can’t understand them. It’s not her master, but it is undeniably Anakin. And he feels abandoned, he feels alone, he is guilty and sad and in constant pain, he is no longer there, not really, but then – he is. And the memory of what he once was, what he promised, everything he taught his padawan brings such pain for Ahsoka.

She may not think she is truly a Jedi, yet she is for me the only one of them I came to respect – she is never hypocritical, doesn’t leave anyone behind, not ever, and she fights for good, always for what she deems right, never feeling like she has to change for others, but in the end always blaming herself for their fate. She could never forgive herself for what happened to Anakin, and she can never forget her brothers, the clones, she suffers and grieves for every one of them, she knows their names, they were her whole world. And the only thing she had left, because they never judged and never tried to change her, they simply stood by her. Even when they had orders to kill her.

Rex and Order 66

Ahsoka’s master was gone from that moment on, and all she had left was Rex. The other main character, and I accept no objections to that statement. Rex is... the best one ever. He is, without any doubt, my favourite from this series. Putting aside my Ahsoka obsession, I didn’t expect to grow as attached to him as I did. Then again, I can’t separate them – for me, they are a team, the best one, and I don’t think I would have liked them as much had they not been the amazing pair they are. The connection between Rex and Ahsoka is what makes this series so different and so much better than the movies for me. It shows a level of true depth and caring that we haven’t really seen before – the type of platonic trust that few people find in their real lives. If I get to have just one friend that is as loyal, I don’t think I’d need anything more. Their story is so real, so touching and beautiful and sad – I think it is not only the best one in the series, but in the whole saga, and in any storyworld, really, for me personally. They meet a kid and a soldier, but they leave the war (or maybe the war leaves them) as equals, friends bound by experiences so unique and traumatic that they can never forget them, their bond can never be destroyed. They are soulmates, and they are forever. I don’t make the rules, sorry.

"Well, I've known no other way. Gives us clones all a mixed feeling about the war. Many people wish it had never happened, but without it, we wouldn't exist.”

Rex says this to Ahsoka moments before he is forced to execute Order 66 and it makes me shudder every time I hear it. Knowing what follows, knowing that the clones that have been created for war, are humans with so much more nuanced feelings that they let themselves express, that they fear the war ending as much as others might feel a war beginning is incredibly twisted. They are not machines, they are much more than that, they have feelings, and they have morals, and they are afraid. Rex has never doubted his loyalty to his commanders, and never gave any reason to be doubted – never hesitated, never showed anything less than immense courage and skill. But now he stands before the only person he’s never been able to deceive, and he voices for the first time what probably has been torturing him for a while – the knowledge that he is expendable, that his life might be over, and that this might be what he’s always fought for – the end of himself and his brothers. Victory and death, indeed.

Viewers have witnessed many a clone death, and these last episodes are the culmination of it all – from that point on, every favourite character is in danger. Of themselves. One thing that the series does marvellously is bring personality to so many seemingly identical characters – in the movies we never get any detail about their lives, their characteristics, even their looks – but now I could recognize Fives from Echo in a second; they might have the same features and the same voice, but they are not the same. They are brothers, forged by the same essence, they share the same blood and the same heart, but they are individuals with thoughts and passions so diverse it’s impossible not to notice, not to adore.

Rex is Ahsoka’s best friend, as she reassures him moments before everything went to hell. He is the man who stood and fought by her side, and who watched her grow up. Who, when faced with the order to kill her, removes and drops his helmet in a desperate try to fight Order 66 (perhaps unconsciously, as he is being mind-controlled), and so she could see his eyes, see his tears, his struggle, his shaking, and know that he had no choice, know that on some level, he is asking for help for the first time ever, the soldier he is – he removes his helmet so he could look her in the eyes, his best friend, his sister, his commander; and she knows.

She’d ran to him, when sensing there was something wrong – of course, Ahsoka would run to Rex, because he’s Rex, he’ll know exactly what to say and what to do, and maybe he could contact somebody who can fix this; this can’t be real, the war is almost over; she’s still a child after all, she can’t face this now, not alone, not without Rex. She’s never had to face anything without Rex, it’s just unimaginable – but she runs to him and in his eyes she sees someone who is not Rex at all, and suddenly all the men she trusted with her life more times than she can count, are not the men she knows, and they want to hurt her, and Rex wants to hurt her, even though it makes him suffer. She sees his tears; she feels in him what she never believed she would.

The parallels in their relationship are just amazing – one of their first interactions is when Rex says to her “good luck, kid” on their first ever mission together – and it shows just how much he already cares for her, how he understands that beneath all her witty remarks and wish to prove herself to her new master (and his soldiers!), she is still a kid thrown on a battlefield – an unnatural atmosphere for anyone, but especially for a young child with no experience whatsoever. From then on, they just keep getting closer and their friendship grows stronger until it reaches a point where they can understand each other without even speaking.

“Yeah, kid, I’m okay”, Rex says, moments after Ahsoka has removed his inhibitor chip and essentially saved both their lives, all while putting herself at a great risk, just because she cares and she can’t do this on her own. In this moment, in his eyes, she is again the kid he first saw, scared about her friend, trying to prove that she can do it all on her own – this parallel is so important to me; she has never been in such a situation alone before, because she’s always had Rex, and now she’d almost lost him, after just reuniting with him; when for a split second there was something in his eyes that she’d never seen before, the only thing that saved her was Anakin and Rex’s training (shown in Tales of the Jedi). Anakin taught her how to fight enemies much stronger than herself, her brothers taught her how to defend herself, not knowing that she’d ever have to, especially not against them. It’s truly heartbreaking.

“Ahsoka, it’s all of us” – just seconds after she has saved him, Rex looks her in the eyes and apologizes for almost doing the undoable, for almost killing her, for being okay when she almost wasn’t. How would he ever live with himself, knowing that he betrayed his best friend? The animation has developed so much by this point, that in this last episode, it’s almost like watching real people acting, at least that’s how I’ve always felt; it feels real, the emotion is just so intense and so palpable – especially with this being the first time Rex says her name. She is his friend, she is the only one who cared enough to save him, thus saving herself, proving again and again her loyalty, the thing they have most in common. They understand each other like no one else can, they have been through everything together, and now, in these crucial moments, they have both proven it – she never gave up on him, she trusted him enough to save him, and in return, he is ready to follow her anywhere and die protecting her. From his own men. Barely awake, he’d reached for his blasters, shooting his own brothers to protect her, not even fully conscious yet. They are equal, they have become one through the Force, and if it wasn’t clear before, it is now – they are sticking together to the very end, no matter what they must do, no matter how. They are forever. Loyalty means everything to the clones.

This and what follows on the bridge of the ship as it’s coming down, are my favourite scenes from the series.

“I hate to tell you this, but they don’t care! This ship is going down, and those soldiers, my brothers are willing to die and take you and me along with them!”

Even though it’s animated, even though you can’t see his face, and the only thing is his desperate voice, you can feel the devastation when Rex utters these words, touching his chest, as he says “brothers” – he has always cared for them, his family, and has mourned every single loss, but now, when there is no other choice, he knows protecting Ahsoka is the most important thing there is – the mind-controlled clones can’t tell apart their own from a traitor, so what’s the point?

There is always a right choice – and Ahsoka proves it, when she gently removes his helmet, only to show what everyone but also no one suspected – Rex is crying, he is afraid and in pain, and she is the only thing he cares about. He’s lost so much; he can’t lose her too. But she always has a plan, and she is probably the only one who cares about the clones as much as him; they don’t need to explain themselves; she doesn’t want to be the one who is responsible for so much death; there’s been too much already. They have lived a life of war, facing death and loss every single day, and enough is enough. She wants to live, but not at the cost of murder. There is no doubt in her voice when she says that.

Burying brothers

What follows is truly devastating to watch – Rex facing his brothers, as a traitor in their eyes, as some of them stand before him, still wearing their helmets with Ahsoka’s Togruta design on them, the colours of the 501st closely resembling her lekku. They’d painted their armour as soon as they knew Ahsoka was coming back to them and they were getting their commander, and little sister back, their best friend, the only one who cares enough to remember all their names, who never turned her back on them, even now, when they are against her, she still tries to save as many of them as possible; she’s been the one whose hand they’ve reached to when dying, their last memory on this world her face, her bright eyes, full of life and care, her presence calming them in the face of the inevitable, as she will have to do now as fell, at the very end.

How must it feel to lose everything you’ve fought and hoped for, in a span of hours? Palpatine’s plan is truly ingenious. The war might have ended, but only on the outside; a much larger, much more painful fight has begun, inside, for Rex and Ahsoka, who now have to navigate a life they haven’t ever considered; they may have wondered what life after the war might be like, but not like this, never like this; not as heroes, not even as fighters – as traitors in the eyes of their most beloved brothers and the new control of the Empire. But they choose to fight until the end, crashing down, falling with the cruiser together, hand in hand; the parallel of them hanging on to each other in the hanger is precisely mirroring the moment of Anakin and Obi-Wan trying to push each other away during their legendary fight on Mustafar, which is happening at the exact same time. But these two don’t let go, they simply cannot face losing each other, not now, not after all of this. They’ve fought for years, so many battles, losing track of what the fights are about – but this last one is clear; they are fighting for each other. And when they are the only survivors, they take to bury their brothers, and grieve the colossal loss side by side, silently watching, because there aren’t words to describe what they feel, and it’s not necessary, so they don’t speak. They know.

"I don’t want to bury any more of our brothers."

The devastation and sheer exasperation we hear in Rex’s voice when he says this much later, in The Bad Batch, when talking about the inhibitor chips nonetheless, is all we’ll ever need to know about him. Laying low after the end of the war, separating from Ahsoka, believed to be dead; in fact – being dead to the world in every sense, this is the choice he makes. He’s witnessed almost all his closest friends dying, he’s lost his general, he doesn’t have a purpose and a goal anymore; he has to deal with the realization that the war is over, but it ended at way too high a price, and he’s a soldier – he will fight every day, until the end, because it’s all he knows. He’s the most loyal soldier, survived Order 66 at the highest price there could ever be, and he can’t lose more. He wants to keep fighting, and he will, but not to lose. Rex doesn’t want to feel this awful feeling of loss, not ever again.

The same goes for Ahsoka – even though she quits the order and never officially finishes her training, the Jedi life is the only one she’s ever known, so her path even after leaving, after the war ends, and after she separates from Rex, is one lead by the code to a large extent, even if done so unconsciously. She claims to not be a Jedi when she faces her master as Vader in Rebels, wanting to avenge him; but she doesn’t end up doing it, she can’t possibly kill Anakin. So, she goes on, living in this middle ground – she is not truly a Jedi, but what else could she be? She has led her troops in many battles, fought by their side; even when they didn’t have to, they still called her commander, as loyal to her as ever; recognizing that she stood by them, even held them as they died.

When The Resolute crashes after Order 66, we are aware that her and Rex took every single one of their fallen brothers, buried them, and displayed their helmets, putting Jesse at the very front, the one who’d wanted to kill them the most at the end. But they know better, it was not him, not after literal moments before that he almost went insane from Maul’s questioning because he didn’t want to betray Ahsoka; he deserved a recognition, even in death. Every single one of them did, and Rex and Ahsoka gave it to them. She lets go now of her lightsaber, the Jedi weapon that bears her identity, and lays it to rest next to the fallen soldiers, because she doesn’t want to have any more connections to this war, there’s been enough fighting. She dies here too – for what it’s worth, she fell with the clones. I can’t imagine how traumatising and terrible it felt, pulling body after body out of the debris. For both of them.

Brother after brother.

***

No matter what I say, or how much I write, I don’t think I will ever be able to express properly what this world and this series in particular mean to me. Of course I love all things Star Wars, but The Clone Wars will always hold a very special and exceptional place among them. It is a unique feeling, one I cannot put a word on, it feels too big for me, as if there is some kind of a boundary that is at the verge of explosion, it’s holding so much emotion, and there isn’t enough space for it inside. Perhaps it’s the depth and the exploration of the clones, their relationships, the empathy their lives evoke – creatures bred for war, individuals barely recognized in life. But still human, as Rex and Ahsoka remind us of the entire time – especially when we see them watching the arranged helmets of their dead brothers – the clones have not been just pawns, they are people; people who died for a cause they couldn’t have any say in. Their lives were not their own; but Ahsoka’s life wasn’t her own either. This is the tragedy of The Clone Wars, but there’s also an ironic beauty about it – Ahsoka wouldn’t have had her master or her best friend, if it wasn’t for the war. It’s a story about the philosophy of choice, hope, good and evil of course, friendship and loyalty. Victory and its highest cost, death; the consequences after a life spent fighting, which no one usually thinks about.

When the final shot rolls and we see Vader’s ominous figure step on to the same place where Ahsoka and Rex were last, as he digs his apprentice’s lightsaber and holds it, we realize what the moral of the story is. We see Anakin’s eyes behind Vader’s mask, and we feel the cold he feels – he ended up alone after all, after all his trying, he had an army, he led troopers, he cared for an apprentice, but he lost them all. He won the war, but he would rather have died with his friends – who he doesn’t know are still alive, and they don’t know what happened to him either; instead of being their enemy. But the time for choosing is over, and there is no going back for him now.

His reflection hits the clone helmet, and we see the image of Anakin, walking away from Ahsoka and Rex.

It doesn’t end with the war; it begins with it.

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 21: Exotic Creatures Of The Deep (Strange Animal)

Some of you might already have some idea of how absolutely abnormal I am about this album and have been for several months, without fail. It's... perfect? And you know that personal relevance will also often be a total game changer in deciding what your ultimate favourites are and such. It's personal relevance of my own doing anyway, if I can call it that, you know those memes that go something like "it's MY mental breakdown and *I* chose the soundtrack!!". Oh yeah, that's what happened here. But even that aside I might never get over how much ECOTD is EVERYTHING I might want from an album and it has not lost its power with passing time even one bit. I'm wary to call anything a number one definitive favourite most of the time, but if I really had to choose... yeah, this is my favourite album of all time, there's absolutely no denying that.

Where do I even start with this... Well, coming back a bit to the LB - HYL - ECOTD series as a whole, I love how all three of them have so much in common and each one is some sort of natural development on the previous one, keeping its core elements but also adding new ones that are unique to the new album. And I guess the style of ECOTD is the one that ended up speaking to me the most. Toning it down a bit on the repetition aspect, adding more fancy synths, heavy drums, more guitar-based stuff continuing from HYL... And its still edgier and more electronic and darker and theatrical than the previous ones. Maybe I could even call it straight up COOL sounding (at least at times) in a way that the previous ones aren't (or not quite as much). (And that's not to say that they're all not icredibly cool in their own way anyway, but, you know.) None of these three are definitely better than the others for me by the way, but. Still, love the whole evolution here a lot.

And now, of course, a word on the craziest and most ambitious idea of the century, the 21×21 shows. I spent about a month, if not more, earlier this year going through what I'm quite sure must be the majority of what's been recorded from these shows, and I have no regrets. And yeah, one of the most impressive feats in the history of music, playing 21 albums in full day after day, but also can we please talk about the visualisations they put there to go with the albums. Catching glimpses of those album covers being comically stretched or rotated and such was a very important part of the whole experience. But yeah, Sparks Spectacular, it really is so spectacular.

I actually do have specific favourites on this album rather than being obsessed with it all the same amount, but I think it deserves special treatment just like Lil' Beethoven, so, let's go, going over all of them now. And I think it's better to just dive straight into them now anyway, in order to get a better hang of this whole album and why it's so brilliant and special to me.

Intro + Intro Reprise

I love you leitmotifs that reappear throughout the album and tie it all together. Such a good touch on what is imo the most cinematic of Sparks albums

Good Morning

This happened a couple of times to me with Sparks, when I first hear a song and I'm quite intrigued and delighted but that's mostly it. And then I hear it once more after a while and I'm never the same again from that point on. THIS!!!!!! SONG!!!!! I was so right that I would love all of ECOTD even more than anything before it based just on this. This is the Russell falsetto album by the way, that's important to note. I'm very impressed by this song in many ways. I like that it starts with this specific synth sound that's VERY characteristic of this whole album. And the fake ending... This song has LB and HYL all over it but it's also its own beautiful thing

Strange Animal

This song has an effect of "stopping in my tracks the moment I hear the first note" on me to be honest, another one of my forever and biggest favourites. Right up there with all the other rocking epics to the likes of Ugly Guys With Beautiful Girls, Dick Around and As I Sit Down To Play The Organ. Sparks going meta on music & being a musician is also always very cool to see

I Can't Believe That You Would Fall For All The Crap In This Song

My first impression of what would become my most listened to Sparks song was a "wait, this was supposed to be a Sparks-only playlist, am I still listening to Sparks??" But a couple more months passed and what can I say, I'm obsessed now (and have been for over half a year now). The Maels saying "fuck you" to love songs & pop songs cliches will always be one of my favourite things about them... While they're also actively alluding to and using those cliches to create something very effective. I'm sure that it being so similar to the type of electro pop songs that were getting lots of radio play in the late 00s is why I'm so drawn to the sound here. It's always all about that nostalgia effect, huh (and this album is the absolute PEAK of "oh god why are all these songs so nostalgic to me I've only known them for this relatively short amount of time")

Let The Monkey Drive

This song ends what is probably my favourite 4 consecutive songs run on any album ever. Each is so mindblowing but in a different way. Best thing about this song to me is its atmopshere. It's just SO tangible. Like, this IS driving past the speed limit on a highway in the middle of the night (we can ignore the rest of what's happening in the story here for a moment). Obsessed with Russell's voice here and also it's so great to me how such a minimalistic approach can be so effective in creating this whole very specific mental image. Just unsettling strings in the back and two notes (or repeating chords) on the piano that are sort of the most prominent "melody" here and that's all you need. The suspense, the understatedness of it all, I love it

I've Never Been High

One of the most Sparks-like of Sparks songs in a way? And another one where I could probably start coming up with lyrical interpretations for on the spot. Lots to think about regarding all of these songs to be honest. And I like how the rising piano notes at the end lead into the descending flute (?) melody at the start of the next song

(She Got Me) Pregnant

Honestly, I absolutely love this song, it's one of my favourites on the album, maybe top five material. And it somehow sounds exactly like how I could have imagined it to sound, based on just its premise, I don't really know how that works but it does, lmao. And who else would give you this sort of song if not Sparks, no one

Lighten Up, Morrissey

Glam rock bliss that does not clash with the rest of the album despite being pretty stylistically different from the rest of it. Quite saddening that it's the only song here that has a music video, when there's SO MUCH potential here, seriously, again, this whole album is so cinematic. I do quite like what we got here though, love this era of Sparks ALSO when it comes to the visual side of it all (I keep saying this over and over), but still, there's so much more we could have had, y'know

This Is The Renaissance

GOOD GOD, I LOVE THIS ONE, in love with it from the first listen. It's everything that makes this album so grand and one-of-a-kind in a nutshell. Among the top 10 Sparks songs that should have had a music video also. I have a pretty elaborate painting idea based on this song in mind, so I hope I'll be able to make it into reality at some point in the future

The Director Never Yelled 'Cut'

List of Sparks songs where movie-directing is used as an allegory of sex is somehow at least two songs long I've noticed (this + Love Scenes). Anyway, this one's a pretty heavy one to unpack so I don't think I can really do it justice today. Love it just like every other song on here though

Photoshop

Another one that could have had such a killer music video. Again, stripped-down arrangement that's just enough to hit you with the right amount of feels and overall one of the most killer Ron piano master moments overall, now that I think about it. The plea of "photoshop me out of your life" sounds pretty... on-the-nose out of context? But again, Sparks magic makes it work anyway! And the 21×21 performance is in my top 10 Sparks live moments of all time (I don't actually have a list like this but, maybe I should make it now)

Likeable

...This is the song of all time to me. Honestly, give me any song pondering the nature of what it means to love vs what it means to like someone and things of such nature and you have me hooked forever. But even that aside, musically speaking, it's just... perfection. Most cinematic Sparks song overall maybe, it's really just like a little movie, every moment is so perfectly timed and measured, I have no words honestly, for just, how incredible it all is. The melodic aspect now, it makes me so emotional, one of the most likely of Sparks song to make me cry, for real. I could start going over every different part of the song now but honestly, they're all just, equally amazing. Special shoutout to the waltz parts though, and the bridge. Oooohhh the bridge, when it all gets so intense, and then the main melody reappears with an acoustic guitar, it's just, peak of it all. And then the intro leitmotif comes back again and it's just?!?.?? My feelings on this song might even still not be fully comprehensible and clear to me. All in all, couldn't imagine a better album closer than this, hands down. And this song also closing the Sparks Spectacular series of shows, yeah (not counting the encore). Oh man. Oh maaannnnn. What a freaking ride.

[eds6ngel]

I love the teacher AU! I would like to read about their first fight (as a couple).

I was thinking about something really angsty with Steve being so sad because he's pretty sure they're gonna break up and Alena helps him to apologize. A happy ending! (the cutest little family <3)

of course my love!! and thank you so much for the compliment!! i hope this is angsty enough for you :') ♡

warnings: dad!steve. singledad!steve. 90s!au. fem!reader. use of y/n. pet names. swearing. food mentions. angst. fighting. yelling. everyone cries :'). hurt. angst. comfort. fluff. happy ending!! [1.7k].

author's note: just some quick context! if you haven't read the 'sleeping over' spinoff, it's established that alena calls reader 'mubba' as a pre-mom term before she officially calls her 'mom.'

full 'when i kissed the teacher' masterlist.

It was currently 9:30PM, two hours after Alena was supposed to go to bed for the night. Steve trying everything from reading her favourite book, to tucking her in, to trying to let her fall asleep to the sounds of The Smurfs, she would not drift off at all.

Steve wanders out of Alena’s room, the sound of giggling from the little girl still being heard from the other side of the door. He comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and nuzzling his face into your neck. You’re currently cleaning up the dishes from the dinner you made for you and Alena a few hours before, Steve having to work a little later than usual.

He huffs into your neck, mumbling, “I’ve tried everything. She just won’t go to sleep. This isn’t like her at all.”

You move your right hand to stroke your boyfriend’s hair, asking, “Is she just refusing or can she genuinely not drift off?”

“The latter,” he sighs, “I tucked her in at 7:30 as usual, went back in half an hour later and she’s on the floor playing with her stuffed animals.”

“Maybe you’re just gonna have to let her become tired,” you suggest, “You can’t force the mind to drift off, that’s not how it works. Leave the blinds closed, keep her light off, put her toys away, she’ll become sleepy soon enough.”

“It’s just… weird,” he contemplates, “She knows her nighttime routine like a book. She knows when to get ready for bed, what time to fall asleep, and her body has sort become accustomed to that. I just don’t understand why she’s not tired—”

Steve pauses mid-sentence as he sees the plate of chocolate chip cookies perched on the side of the countertop beside the stove. “When did you make these?” he questions.

“Oh, the cookies?” you ask, him humming, “Whilst I was making dinner for Alena and I. Thought it would make a good dessert. Simple to make and not too heavy on the stomach. Why? Would you like one?”

“What time did you say you and Alena ate dinner again?”

You scrunch your eyebrows up, “6PM. Little later than what you normally do, but only by an hour.”

Steve lets out a huff, leaning against the counter and pursing his lips, “So you’re telling me, you gave my seven-year-old daughter a chocolate chip cookie for dessert an hour and fifteen before her bedtime?”

You quickly link the dots, realising the mistake you had made. However, the words that come out of your mouth were not ones of apology, but rather of defense. “You normally give her a treat after her dinner!”

His voice becomes more stern, “Yeah, at 5PM. Besides, I give her a tiny bowl of light ice cream, the sugar levels are small, I checked the packaging. How many cups of sugar did you use for the cookie recipe?”

You look down to the floor, whispering out, “Three quarter cup.”

“Jesus Christ,” Steve rubs his hands over his face, “Plus the chocolate in that too. Jesus Y/N, no wonder she’s so hyper! She’s got so much sugar in her system still, her poor body is still trying to wear it off!”

“I’m sorry, okay?” you snap at him, “I made a fucking mistake, it’s not like I can turn back time, is it?” You take a breather, cooling off and placing the back of your hand against your forehead, “Look, it simply crossed my mind, okay? I picked her up from school, which by the way, her teacher was extremely fussy considering my reputation around there. I brought her home, we completed her homework, and then I got down to cooking dinner for us. I simply decided to make some cookies on the side for all of us to have as a treat when we wanted, as well as cook our chicken curry—”

“Don’t bullshit me with the ‘I made them for you too!’ because that shit ain’t sliding, okay?” Steve interrupts you abruptly. “It is gone nine, my daughter is two hours past her bedtime and she still won’t fall asleep because you decided to make some cookies and give one to her.”

“I’m not trying to bullshit you, Steve!” you try to reason with him, “It’s just every time you make her dinner, you give her a treat afterwards. I didn’t even think about the time, and the sugar levels, and all that shit, I just copied what you did as a parent.”

Steve cannot keep the rage down, the words spilling from his mouth, “You’re not her mom, okay? Stop trying to act like you know how to parent her, because you don’t.”

Before you can say anything in your fit of rage, a small gasp can be heard from the side of you, Alena standing outside of her bedroom door, Mr. Hopps gripped tightly in her arms as tears brim at her eyes. “I thought mubba did a good job today…”

You walk past Steve, the tears from her becoming infectious as you sniffle yourself, stroking Alena’s cheek, and whispering, just loud enough so Steve could hear, “Yeah, I thought I did too, baby.” You power to Steve’s room, wiping your nose with the sleeve of your sweater, the door creaking as you close it behind you, the Harringtons now remaining alone in the kitchen.

The sound of Steve’s hitched breaths and his shaking shoulders lead Alena to tugging at his shirt. Steve quickly rubs at his eyes, lifting his daughter up comfortably onto his hip. Alena gasps again as she sees how red her dad’s eyes are, wiping the remaining tears away with her small thumb, just like he did with her. “Why did you yell at mubba, daddy? She was very kind and nice to me today…”

He walks over to the couch, leaning back, Alena moving to sit on his lap, Steve saying out loud, “I think she’s gonna break-up with me…”

“Why, daddy? You were only arguing.”

He sniffles, “But, what daddy said was really mean, sweetpea. I said that she isn’t your mom and that she wouldn’t be a good parent. That’s not a nice thing to say, is it?”

“No…” she mumbles, quickly cheering back up, “But, you didn’t mean it, right?

He shakes his head, “’Course I didn’t pumpkin, you know I love your mubba and I hate that I hurt her.”

“Hmmm,” she thinks, putting her hand under her chin, looking deep in thought, “Well… why don’t you say sorry? Like, at school, me and Ashley had a fight, and Mrs. Woodstock made us say sorry to each other, and now we are okay again! Why don’t you do that with mubba?”

“You know what?” Steve replies, “I think I will do that, sweetpea.” He begins to stand up, holding out his hand, “You wanna come?” Alena nodding her head and wrapping her small hand in his as they head over to his bedroom.

Steve lightly knocks on the door, not wanting to startle you, “Babe, it’s us. Can we come in?”

With no response, Steve enters the room, you sitting on the edge of his bed, tears stained on your face as you stare off into the distance. He lets go of Alena’s hand, her standing small off to the side as he leans down in front of you. He sighs as he sees your disheveled hair, puffy eyes and red nose, instantly cooing, “C’mere,” wrapping his arms around you.

You cry into his shoulder, him reassuring you, “I know, I know. Let it out, beautiful.”

You manage to contain your sniffles, enough to choke out the words, “I’m sorry. It’s just… I really tried. I thought I did an okay job at tonight with what time I was given after work and stuff, picking up Alena and everything. And the timing of the cookies never crossed my mind and… I’m just sorry. I’ll be more mindful next time. Just… what you said really hurt me, as I am trying my best, honey. I really am. And I didn’t mean to get so defensive, just your words really hurt me, and that’s why I had that reaction.”

He soothingly rubs your back, muttering, “I know. I know. I’m sorry too.” He pulls back, cupping your face in his large palms, “What I said was terrible, and was a complete heat of the moment thing. What you do for Alena is amazing, and I can’t thank you enough. And she said it herself, she thought you did good today, and that’s all that matters, right? Sure, I may have been a little annoyed about her not going to bed on time, but mistakes happen. You simply copied what I did, you’re trying to adapt to this whole parenting thing, and if I’m being completely honest babe… You are doing the absolute best. I could not ask for someone better to be the mother figure to my daughter, okay?”

You nod, Steve muttering out, “Are we okay?” stroking your cheeks, “You aren’t gonna break-up with me or anything?”

You let out a small giggle, “Steven Joseph Harrington, you would have to do something a lot worse than that to make me break-up with you.” He chuckles along with you, looking to the floor as he lets out a breath of relief. It’s now your turn to cup his cheeks, “It’s just a bump in the road. We’re okay.”

“Yeah,” he smiles, “We’re okay.” He hugs you once again, you reciprocating this time as you wrap your arms around his broad back. Suddenly a small head pops up beside you, shyly asking, “Can I have a hug too?”

Thinking the same idea, Steve wraps his right arm around Alena’s shoulder as you wrap your left around her back, the three of you joining in a delicate group hug. It was during bumps like this that you remembered: Even when things got tough, at least you had your little family to lean on, especially your future daughter, the saviour of your relationship troubles.

i hope you enjoyed!! three more asks to go for this series! i'm happy for anyone to send in more ideas if you have some! also, any general feedback and appreciation in my asks too!! ♡

taglist: @livsters @bakugouswh0r3 @nix-rose @ihatepeanutss @cats00089 @suitelif3 @clincallyonline17 @crowssixof @starkeylover @eris-rose-86 @frostandflamesfanfic

[scarfacemarston]

Hiii ☺️

I’ve never sent you anything before because I’m not great at trying to meet new people but one of the reasons I followed you was because of your love for RDR! It’s one of my favourite games of all time, I’m a sucker for Abigail thou 🤭

Do you have any headcannons with Abigail x Fem! Reader? (Totally okay if not!) & if not, is there anything you would like to share about her?

Hey! So good to hear from you! I've followed your blog for awhile! :) I'm a sucker for Abigail, too. It's a problem. I have actually lots written for Abigail! If you look at my Abigail Roberts x reader tab, you'll find a lot of things. There are some prompts that you'll have to scroll through to get to the writing, but it's there! So, I decided to do something I've never done before and go with Modern AU! Abigail. I've never done that before and I thought it would be fun to try out. If you would prefer I write new hc's with canon, Abigail, that's fine, too! (Note: Lauren Cohan is my fc for Abigail in rp, so that's why she's here.)

Background: She grew up in the foster system after her parents passed away. She was an overachiever in high school and wanted to claw her way past the girl she was in the foster system. However, her dreams for college were put on hold when she became pregnant with Jack, and even more so once she became a single mother. She did underwear modeling and worked in a dive bar for extra money. (It seemed more likely FOR HER than her becoming an escort or a cam girl, but those are valid hc's.)

Four years later, she is amicably co-parenting with John and has an associate's degree in agriculture and business. Now, she has a small farm with fresh organic produce, animal goods like milk and eggs, flowers, and the occasional candle. She is happily in a relationship with the F!reader.

* You insist on helping her at the farmers' markets on the weekends, which is her busiest time selling products. She always attempts to talk you out of it, but you find it rewarding. You watch in awe as the businesswoman in her truly blossoms and the passion she has for her work. 

* You surprise her with wanting to visit other farmer's markets. Sometimes, it's "secret shopper" missions, but a lot of time, it's just holding hands, picking out products, and eating samples. 

* Lots of baths together! She loves to cuddle and the intimacy it can bring.

* You help her cook and bake a lot. She has a huge passion for it, but she just can't get the hang of it. I think she is better with cooking and baking in the modern AU than in canon, but she could still use some help. However, she can make a great chili! It's canonically her favorite food besides chocolate. 

* She can make a mean cocktail. She doesn't drink a lot anymore, but she loves wine, rum, and whisky. However, she worked at a bar while caring for Jack to help put her through school and learned a lot while waiting tables. 

* She is always so thankful for any time you spend with Jack. Liking Jack is a requirement. He comes first in any relationship. However, she does NOT expect you to babysit him, but she is incredibly thankful and falls in love with you a bit more each time you do something with him. 

* With you, she is used to being the big spoon, but she loves to be surprised with being the little spoon sometimes. 

* Blankets everywhere! Big chunky ones are her favorite. Example here: Her goal is to make her own! She is not really into the pillow craze. 

*She canonically loves chocolate. Bonus if the chocolate has a bit of liquor in it. It's her guilty pleasure, but she has to keep it far from Jack.  * Don't play a card game against her; you WILL lose. Especially poker. She's also great at board games. It was the only type of games the foster homes had. However, she doesn't play as many video games. You've been slowly introducing her to games. Right now, she likes to relax with Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing. She'll also play with Jack or watch you play games. 

[nightlycomet]

People always go on about how great Oshii was with the original Urusei Yatsura anime, but frankly I think Yamazaki's run is a lot stronger. Oshii has a very analytical view on things which while great for comedy and the structuring of gags, comes at the expense of emotion. Whenever you see him gesturing towards emotion it almost always has a feeling of detachment to it, especially as he gains more control over the show as it goes on (as an example, Only You has a decent enough show of emotion, meanwhile Beautiful Dreamer largely lacks it in favour of obtusely presented logic and what of it that is presented feels hollow and false). Yamazaki by comparison excels at presenting emotion, both melancholy and joy, by taking Oshii's brand of interpretative imagery and infusing it with these feelings rather than cold, unfeeling logic. This is true both in his half of the show as well as a lot of episodes with his involvement during Oshii's run (I'd say this is also true of other things I've seen by him such as Slayers Perfect and especially his run on Maison Ikkoku).

My least favourite stretch of the show is episodes 172-188, which feels like a result of the crew being stretched too thin working on both the show and Lum the Forever at the same time (and I believe also starting production on Maison Ikkoku?) as well as them starting to run out of steam after working on the show for so many years. My other least favourite stretch of the show is from around episode 91 or so right up to the end of Oshii's run. I would say Yamazaki's bad stretch has a worse collection of episodes, a lot of the worst in the show, however I find myself being more upset with Oshii's due to the direction he takes Ataru. His analytical way of thinking infects Ataru throughout his time as series director, but it really comes to a head around here, making him way more aware, considered, and upfront about his feelings towards Lum in a way that's significantly less entertaining or interesting (again, good for comedy, bad for romance/emotion). With Yamazaki, Ataru keeps his feelings close to his chest which I find much more compelling and results in some of the best episodes relating to his character such as 143, 157, and 163, as well as Remember My Love. Lum is also weaker during the Oshii half, being portrayed as much more cutesy and ignorant (though in its defence, in episode 69 it's hinted that this might be a deliberate lifestyle choice, another example of Oshii's obsession with analysation), meanwhile she's much more assertive and hot headed in Yamazaki's half (not that she's not like that at all in Oshii's run, but there's a clear difference in priority). I will say this does give the show an interesting dichotomy, with the first half being presented more through Ataru's perspective and the second half being presented through Lum's (I should mention I've been slowly reading through the manga and haven't gotten very far, so if what I'm attributing to Oshii and Yamazaki is just from the source material I apologise for the assumption. Please correct me if I'm mistaken!).

Outside of his stretch of largely bad episodes (which even still has a couple good and great episodes in there!), really my only issue with Yamazaki is that there's a large over-reliance on big head and mallet gags, and even then I don't find those objectionable, they're just kind of limp jokes. Easy to forgive too as the rest of the comedy is still great. If that's my only big complaint with him, then I'd say he did a more than serviceable job continuing the show. I'd say he did an even better job than Oshii.

[review-anon]

Oooh! Ooh! Do the favorite and least favorite character thing for the DR games, both canon games and the fangans you have seen, if you would be so kind!--Timeline Anon

Oh boy this is gonna be a doozy. Right off the bat I will only do the fangans I’ve mentioned in the previous ask. I also won’t do Despair Time since I’ve already told you guys what my favourites are in a previous ask.

So let’s get to it.

Trigger Happy Havoc

Favourite: Chihiro Fujisaki. Yeah I know low hanging fruit, but I think Chihiro is a really endearing character. He may not be the most physically strongest character but mentally, he’s easily one of the strongest as it takes serious guts to face your secret head on, especially one like his. His death is tragic and sad but he also manages to pull his weight even after his death. How many characters have a lifespan in terms of plot longer then their actual lifespan, not many I say.

On a side note, regarding the whole trans debate, I don’t want to get into that because a) I will do so in my Valentines Day review and b) It’s a very sensitive topic that I’m not informed enough to talk about and I don’t want to dehumanise anyone who is trans. But what I will say is despite what some YouTubers think, Japan is actually quite accepting of trans people. The reason being is because of how strict gender roles are out there, transitioning is seen as confirming to social harmony, whereas homophobia is high due to it being seen as a threat to social harmony. It’s the complete opposite of here in the West when homosexuals are widely accepted (mostly) and trans people have to struggle.

Least Favourite: Junko Enoshima. Again this is obvious I’d you read my stuff because I don’t make it very hidden I don’t like Junko. But to summarise I feel she is the wrong type of villain for a franchise like Danganronpa as she’s way too one dimensional and a generic doomsday villain. I also hate how neither Spike Chunsoft nor the fans can let her go because of her involvement in almost everything that has gone wrong. And she is a canon sue in Danganronpa 3 hands down. Also Junko basically rips off a OC villain I have made years ago but she does the whole “embodiment of despair” worse then he does

Goodbye Despair

Favourite: Gundham Tanaka. This guy is an absolute blast and I was NOT expecting him to behave the way he was. His English VA is also absolutely peak material as Chris Tergliafera delivers his lines perfectly. I'm a big animal lover as well so of course I'm drawn to Gundham on that route. His Chuunibyou personality and speech has a lot of layers to it as well as he's more insightful to what others think. I've seen a lot of compliants that his 'heroic sacrifice' wasn't as noble in the end as he tried to get away with it, but everyone was literally starving to death. Do you expect rational thought there? I don't think so.

Its for this reason why I get frustated with A Student Out of Time for how Bubbles has neglected Gundham. I mean when was the last time he was important? Let the Dogs Out and that's it. Again, I have not read Dianthus Memory so if Gundham does something amazing there, don't expect me to know.

Least Favorite: Hiyoko Sainoji. Now before certain anons, I know who you are raise your pitchforks and try to delete me off the internet, hear me out. Hiyoko in the games is a complete and utter bitch. Heck her introduction is her squishing ants and while ants do make me squemish, especially flying ones, that is still needlessly cruel. She also insults and bullies everyone around her, and she also picks on Kazuichi and Mikan, two people who have a terrible history of being bullied on. And while the whole "Hiyoko is meant to be a survivor but got changed at the last minute" rumour is a lie, her character development was too little and too late.

As someone who has been bullied in the past, especially by someone with the level of maturity as Hiyoko, while I wouldn't say Hiyoko deserves to be nuked into orbit, she doesn't exactly curry favour with me. Also while fan reception shouldn't affect how one views a character, but dear god does Hiyoko have some of the worst kinnies I've ever seen. Like if you disagree with how people view Hiyoko, fine, but if you try to send death messages and get blogs cancelled, then guess what? I'm not gonna suddenly like your chosen one. They say you can tell what a person is like by their favourites and with Hiyoko it shows.

Ultra Despair Girls

Favourite: Hiroko. Okay so this is kinda a spoiler for that one ask I haven't gotten to yet who my favourite Danganronpa parents are and while that is about the ASOOT/DTFA ones, canonically Hiroko rocks. Given how Hiro is as a person, I don't think anyone was expecting much from his mother but hoo boy were we wrong. She seems to be the only Adult Resistance member with a brain cell on and she does as much heavy lifting as Komaru and Toko do. And as such I am very sad she is dead in Survivor.

Least Favourite: Haiji. Do I need to explain this one? DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS ONE?! Seeing as I have to, I guess I will. Haiji is a snake of a character who basically forces Komaru and Toko to do his dirty work, is responsible for most of the events in Ultra Despair Girls, is an absolute jerk of a character, almost breaks Komaru at the end by trying to pressure her to killing all the children with the Monokuma helmets on and unlike every other canonical Danganronpa villain, he gets away with everything. See how I described all of that and NOT mentioned his child touching antics? Yeah because even without that, he was already a POS but with that? Please get melted into a pile of sludge and I know you picked Cyndaquil as your starter. MOVING ON.

End of Hope's Peak Academy

Favourite: Seiko. This one is hard due to how most of the Danganronpa 3 cast are unlikeable arseholes. But Seiko manages to be one of the few that is decent. Note I said decent, as I still have issues with Seiko like how I feel she was only made so that Kodaka doesn't have to kill off Kyoko, how a lot of her backstory felt emotionally manipulative which doesn't make me feel happy, and how in the end the entire Class 76 trio drama is meaningless seeing how all three die in the end. Ruruka should have lived like in the stage adaptation. Still Seiko has a good design, her transformations are dope and yeah let's face it that one scene in Despair Arc is why in Survivor she is shipped with Nagito.

Least Favourite: Ryota. This actually hard since its a tie between him and Kazuo. But since I did like Kazuo for a bit for how he showed Juzo his place and how since we know he was brainwashed by the BSDV (Bullshit Despair Video) he can be excused for a lot of his actions. Ryota has no such excuse. There's a reason fans call him the Ultimate Plot Device because it feels like he was only created to be a easy way for how Class 77-B fell into despair, which is like NO. He also just screams and yells all the time, and I know people are like "But Yuki in SDRA2 was like that as well" the difference is Yuki breaking down was the entire point of the Killing Game, and yes the same applies to Ryota, I think Kazuo didn't want Ryota to be actually involved but watch the game instead. And oh his twist villian role lasted less time then it takes for Kanade to explain to Syobai why his latest theory why she killed Setsuka is wrong. This is the one character I question the very existence of and there is a reason why he gets removed or forgotten in literaly every askblog out there.

Killing Harmony

Favourite: Kaito Momota. This guy is a huge himbo and I'm here for it. When he punched Shuichi at first I thought this guy was gonna be a jerk or be the resident idiot like Kazuichi and Hiro before him were, but while not bright I was wrong on him being useless. Its kinda ironic that I like Kaito and yet I had issues with his ASOOT ancestor but that's how life goes. He has some very moral uplifting messages and his death as much of a mindfuck that was, is both depressing and impressive. I'm so glad they cut out his misogynistic nature from the Japanese verison or else Kaito will go the way of Mitch.

Least Favourite: Tsumugi Shirogane. Low hanging fruit again I know. But seriously who even likes Tsumugi? Prior to the mastermind reveal she was one of the most boring characters in the franchise as she just kept saying how plain she was, just said references which will age like milk within a decade or so, and is easily THE worst mastermind in the entire Danganronpa franchise, as Kodaka man, I know you wanted to deliver a message about fiction but you did NOT do it in a good way whatsoever. The fact I had a dream shortly after V3's release about Tsumugi being arrested and being jailed for and I quote "Being the worst mastermind since Tengan" says everything.

I just SO hope A Student Out of Time does Tsumugi justice.

Also a dishonourable mention goes to Kokichi Oma. Character wise I have nothing against him, as he's well written, despite what SOMEONE would say, fits the themes of Killing Harmony well, has a good VA and really makes you think long and hard about the character, which is a sign you made a good character there. So what is my issue with Kokichi? Well its a silly reason but for a entire year I had and I shit you not, recurring nightmares where Kokichi Oma was a psychotic yandere who would stalk and harass me, made worse by the fact he was self aware and the entire thing was like a living Nightmare on Elm Street. Trust me, it was WAY worse then it sounded and its for this reason I cannot touch Doki Doki Literature Club because the game reminds me too much of my nightmares.

Also I am not scared of his nightmare faces because my subconcious made worse looking ones.

Since its a very personal and honestly rather petty reason I've ranked him lower then Tsumugi who has way more issues story wise.

Another Despair Academy

Favourite: Akane Taira. Akane is in my opinion is how you do a traitor character right. Throughout the entire story, she's been a really supportive character and when she almost gets killed by Kizuna who is then killed by Ayame, you can feel the trauma she is going through made worse by Tsurugi saying that she should kill herself. She also hides the fact she's the traitor and mastermind very well so you don't know she's one of the Big Bads until the very end, and I agree with Bubbles, LINUJ should have led her live as she did realise the error of her ways and that listening to Utsuro all the time is bad for her. This why I love how she is in both ASOOT and DTFA as in the former she is a pivotal Quantum Crew member and in one of the best ASOOT ships of all the time and in the latter her interactions with Nagi are so interesting.

Least Favourite: Mistuhiro Higa. As much as we all like the WeebyNewz jokes let's face it, Mitch is a horrible character. Like we have had unpleasant Chapter 1 culpirts but he takes the cake on the vileness. While I believe the remake will change some things up, Mitch disrespecting women I feel won't be a change made. I will also forever hold the fact Mikado had the gail to make an entire fucking city after him against him. Also he's a football player. I don't like footballers as I seem as arrogant shitheads and Mitch does NOT help that stereotype one bit.

Super Danganronpa Another 2: Sun of Despair and Moon of Hope

Favourite: Nikei Yomiuri. This isn't even a contest. Not only is Nikei my favourite SDRA2 character but he's probably my favourite Danganronpa character period. The second I laid eyes onto him, I just knew I was gonna like this character, and I also knew he was gonna die as the culprit in Chapter 4 to mess with me. Let's just say I'm Apollo's favourite for a reason. Now originally I liked him because of how playful he is and how excitable he is, but as the game progresses you get the feeling that's not all there is to him.

And then Chapter 4 happened. Now while I have many opinions on how mismanaged Chapter 4 is, what I did like was how Nikei is in my personal opinion the single BEST example of a liar character, eclipsing the likes of Celeste and Kokichi for one simple reason; he doesn't just deceive the cast, he deceives YOU as well. Its also very apparent that like Kokichi, there's more then meets the eye and you really have to read between the lines to figure out what his true intentions are. And why I hold myself with bated breath for what Onmake Mode brings.

I will forever say one thing. As much as I like Nikei as a character, I will never, NEVER ever want to see him in real life. A meeting between us will ended extremely poorly and I think this is why I managed to stay more civilised then some Nikei fans are, because like a Warhammer 40K I took one look at Nikei and be like "No thanks, I'm good."

Which is probably why Nikei and Review Anon don't get along though I will say given how much of a shithead she has been to him, he does have reasons to be mad at her.

Least Favourite: Kanade Otonokoji. Even more low hanging fruit but point is the only reason I didn't completely hate her off the bat is due to The Mistake, and after The Mistake, everything looks good by comparsion. But now that shitstorm is behind me, I can see Kanade as a cheap Korekiyo copy that ruins the story more then anything. Another reason why I dislike her is because I'm certain that SDRA2's Chapter 3 murder method was insprised by the real life murder case which got Killing Harmony banned from South Korea. Which I REALLYY hope not because then I have some very choice words to LINUJ because we can meme all we want about Danganronpa but using real life tragedies for your silly fangames is where I draw the line, its why I refuse to play Pokemon Reborn.

Danganronpa F Shattered Hope

Favourite: Pocket. Pocket is everything that Ace isn't. He is a loudmouth that gets scared and he has STELLAR voice acting, but unlike Ace he doesn't take it too far and has his likeable moments such as when Corza shows the corpses of the two killed students to everyone, Pocket calls him out for traumatising everyone. Basically Pocket is the cooler Ace and I really hope he doesn't go the way of Leon.

If you know what I mean.

Least Favourite: Cancel. I cancel Cancel. Joke's aside I find her quite annoying and before you ask why not Moraiteru well with her I think they are setting her up to be the Rival Character so her being brass is understandable, but aside from sounding like a Instagram star, she gets very grating and annoying. The only redeeming thing about her is she got extremely sick in Chapter 1 and thus didn't blurse me with her presence. But I'm sure the Class Trial will make up for it.

Eternal Endings

Favourite: Sonechka Morozova. This girl isn't here to take any prisoners and I'm so here for it. Sonechka is interesting because she's very cynical but given her powers and her nationality, and fun fact about the Soviet Union, its collapse in the 90s makes the Lost Decade in Japan look like a picnic by comparsion, means she must have seen some shit, and probably lies about some of her visions so certain people don't see to make her a statistic. Clearly though if her death was anything to go that isn't good enough. I so expect her to clash with Yun due to him being such a Commie hater. Now my opinions can change over time but Eternal Endings only has its prologue right now so its literally first impressions here.

Least Favourite: Francisca and Adiranna Rivera. Now design wise these gals are the best since when was the last time you saw conjointed twins in a Killing Game? Its also a twist to see conjointed twins that don't get along with each other but that also lies the problem, I can forsee their bitching and arguing to get old and tiring very fast. You also KNOW they are gonna re-die at the same time unless you want to go super morbid. I long for sweet character development for these two but that's not yet.

Cartoons in Danganronpa

Favourite: Jenny Wakemen. Now I will preface that I haven't really watched any of the shows in Cartoons in Danganronpa. This gives me an advantage because then I'm not going in with pre bias. For example a friend of mine who's really into Powerpuff Girls will be biased towards Blossom and Bubbles, but I don't have those weaknesses.

That being said I think Jenny is a sweet character. She is so wiling to protect others much like K1-B0 but unlike him doesn't come off as like "Stop being robophobic" which got old very quickly with him. And I also hate the fact she's being set up the murder of the first chapter. I cannot say anymore as I don't know how many people here have seen it but please do its really really good.

Least Favourite: Eddy. Now while I'm not avid fans of any of the shows there are some I've seen clips off in my life, and I never was a fan of Ed n Eddy, and seeing how Eddy here behaves really doesn't make me feel better. He is a slimy bastard who's always thinking to line his own pockets by conning others and I could easily see him causing trouble. You would expect me to put Cartmen here but anyone who's familar with South Park and watched Cartoons in Danganronpa can tell you, he's the rival character and thus is meant to be disliked. Eddy doesn't have that.

And finally to round things off...

The Mistake AKA Danganronpa: The Wolf's Game

'Favourite': The polygolt MC. I don't remember the names of any of the cast and frankly due to how much I hate them I am not gonna go back and heck. So let's talk our MC. He is the Ultimate Polyglot which means he speaks multiple languages and can be endearing. At least I remember him as such as I'm sure I erased all memories of him being bad. I am also convinced he's the master of the Werewolves because happy endings are illegal in The Mistake. There's some other characters which are okay but he's the most ok.

Least Favourite: The Toxologist Rival Character, DEAR GOD DO I WANT TO DISSOLVE THIS CHARACTER INTO ACID! Let's see why I hate him. He caused no joke ALL of the conflict in The Mistake as both Chapter 1 and 2's murders were his fault, he also started the conflict in Chapter 3 and then THAT had the aucidity to try and make him sympathic by don't feel bad for this mass murderer who won a previous Killing Game because he has a family and a girlfriend and a comatose brother who the exposed Mastermind kills alongside herself.

Poor Scarlet you don't deserve to share the same talent as him.

Yeah you can tell I don't feel any pity for this character whatsoever. The Chapter 3 culprit is Kanade on steroids but she is meant to be hated, we are meant to somehow like this. NO. NO. NO. NO.

If I missed any games I mentioned beforehand then I apologise but this was a long one to do, also no spinoff canon series favs.

[baratiddyappreciator]

I’d love to see some kureha headcanons from you!! (And maybe even some that involve Jack??) I’ve been really enjoying seeing ur headcanons in my feed!

I don't really know if you meant this as in a ship/friendship way, but I just decided to go overboard and put effort in to explore their weird ass (gay) dynamic lmao

Kureha HCs:

Kureha speed-reads. It's a habit he developed in elementary school so he could spend more time protecting his brother, and it was a fantastic help during his studies to become a doctor.

This man has a flawless memory. You mentioned something to him three years ago about something you liked but it was out of stock? Guess what, he bought it at it's lowest price point and is now giving it to you on your birthday. Surprise!

His handwriting is the WORST for non-professional things. You got a prescription from him? Yeah, you can read that just fine! Patient charts? The most flawless writing you have ever seen. He left you a note on your computer? You think that says coffee, but it could also say chicken, so now you're confused.

Claims to be against workplace gossip and against participating until he gets home, because then he's telling you all about how Ayumi from the front desk is fucking the neurologist and his wife just hired a PI, but apparently she's been messing around with the janitor at her job.

He has favourite patients. Jack is simultaneously his favourite and least favourite patient, the man will just sit and let him do whatever he wants as long as it's in the name of improvement, but he's TERRIBLE at recovery. Kureha says "bedrest for three weeks with mild exercise", and Jack hears "Don't push yourself until the point of passing out for three days".

Speaking of patients, he absolutely takes meticulous notes. Is the patient being difficult and rude? Oh it's going on their chart in meticulous detail. They called him a name and refused to take their meds? It's on the chart in the most professional but still passive-aggressive way.

Jack HCs:

Uncannily good at math. If you ask him, offhandedly and as casually as possible for an answer to a math question, he'll almost instantly get you an answer, and most of the time it's either spot on or really close. Baki has tried to get Jack to answer the questions for his math homework before, and it took a while before Jack realised what was up.

He learned about Baki a while before he actually met him, but he still hasn't processed that he's an older brother, so occasionally Baki will call him brother super casually and Jack will just [dialup noises] for a solid minute until he remembers "oh right yeah, that's actually my little brother."

Forever tired and hungry, but determined enough to get away with a chronic lack of sleep for months on end until he finally crashes. Healthy? No. He knows it too, but he's got things to do, and sleep can wait until he's kicked his father's ass. If he keeps being such a strong favourite too, a nice comfortable mattress is in store for him.

He knows he can beat bears in a fight (as with most wild animals that he grew up knowing) but the problem is that he doesn't like bears, he grew up knowing that you don't mess with bears, because they'll ruin your day. He'll deal with them no problem, but he won't like it.

He doesn't wake up very fast at all, most of the time he just gains conscience like two hours after waking up and he's doing something. He's "woken" up before after having an hour long conversation with Tokugawa about his hometown after Father Samuel called him.

He sometimes (when he's very tired or just waking up) will forget just how big he is. He has slammed his head against doorframes many times. He will continue to do so most likely.

Jack and Kureha HCs:

Jack and Kureha as friends are two weird mfs. For starters, Jack is quiet and stoic, so most people that see him assume that he's either some sort of bodyguard for Kureha, or that he's annoyed by him. In reality, Jack's just a quiet person, and Kureha takes every chance to talk his ears off because he won't interrupt unless it's important.

Sometimes it's painfully aware just how much more experienced and educated Kureha is in everyday matters. Jack didn't even go to high school, and Kureha managed to become a practicing doctor. Jack isn't stupid by any means, but sometimes Kureha absolutely loses him because he's talking about something Jack hasn't ever learned about before.

While Kureha can go off about medical jargon to Jack and lose him after just about five minutes, Jack can just start talking about the, quite frankly weird shit that happens out in the Canadian wilderness near his home, and Kureha just doesn't have any idea how to process the fact that at least some of what Jack tells him is true and has happened within Jack's direct line of sight.

Jack and Kureha dating, however, is very different. They're such bitches to each-other because they're so in love that they're at the "I fucking hate you" stage of their relationship, but only when they're out in public. It's a lot of Jack cleaning up the absolute mess that is Kureha's apartment, and Kureha making a mess out of the apartment the second Jack steps out.

Kureha absolutely tries to pull a whole dominant/submissive thing, with Jack being submissive, but mans was legitimately too chill to really care and it ruined the whole thing for Kureha, who legitimately pouted for a whole week. Jack had no idea what he did wrong either, he thought that Kureha wanted to be dominant, so he submitted. He's not really one to fight for dominance, if he wants it he'll just take it.

Neither of them being able to cook for shit, other than Jack being uncannily good at breakfast foods, so they either eat pancakes at 6pm or they go out to eat. It means less dishes (usually) so Jack doesn't complain, since Kureha could never do those.

A lot of Kureha saying that Kosho is being annoying and Jack being like "That's nice, Baki's chill, an angel really. Anyways, do your parents want me to come over?" Just so he can flex on Kureha that his little brother is the better one.

[the-sun-is-also-a-star]

"For someone who loved words as much as I did, it was amazing how often they failed me."

-- If We Were Villains by M. L. Rio

“Because freedom, I am told, is nothing but the distance between the hunter and its prey.”

-- On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

and as for poetry, i like to talk about "Written in my Dreams by W. C. Williams" by Allen Ginsberg with other people because it's short and rolls over the tongue nicely and i like to come back to it, puts a smile on my face, you know?

i'll also never forget "A Carcass" by Charles Baudelaire from when we read it at school years ago and then again in high school and i have now chosen Les Fleurs du mal as one of the books for my oral school leaving exam, so it's definitely one of those authors i read once and was never able to get out of my head

and last but not least, Louise Glück (may she rest in peace) and her "Theory of Memory" which includes the ending "Right now you are a child holding hands with a fortune-teller. All the rest is hypothesis and dream." and i simply don't have a choice but to love this one

i have so many more favourites, but these are the ones i can think of right now hehe <33

what r ur favourite poems and quotes??

those are brilliant actually

mine are quite, different to what one may think but i like finding meaning in things that other people think are only surface level :

思い出なんか いらん - we don't need memories

this is from the anime haikyuu LMAO which is a fucking volleyball anime and it is the team motto of one of the teams. It is quite honestly my life motto at this point. I used to live in the past, excused people for thing they do now because they were different in the past. they were different in my memories. I was so focused on the past i forgot to enjoy my present. I am done doing that. My memories hold me back. I am tired of it.

"to love and lose and still be kind" - warsan shire

this is pretty self explanatory. i dont think I've had a hard life. but i certainly haven't had an easy one. i have a habit of giving too much of myself to people. I'm working on rectifying that whilst still being kind.

"but i cut people out like tags on my clothing" - conan gray

I LOVE people watching its one of my favourite songs. but this line is really important to me. I've cut the tags off of my clothing for as long as I can remember. ever since i was a kid. I also have a habit of cutting out people the second they break my trust. as easy as cutting off tags from my clothing. I don't think its a good habit or a bad habit. it just. is.

"It's always the ones who are quietest who often have the greatest things to say" - TJ Klune, Wolfsong

This is from one of my favourite books of all time. I was a quiet child for a while. I never got excited for anything and after a while my parents suspected I had childhood depression, we still don't know for sure if I did. It makes a lot of sense though. It took me a while to become confident in my own voice and my own opinions. this quote is really important to me.

"Men don't cry. My daddy taught me that. Men don't cry because they don't have time to cry.

I must not have been a man yet because I cried. I bowed my head and cried." - TJ Klune, Wolfsong

This isn't personal to me in anyway, I just really, really love this part of the book and these two lines in particular.

"I'll be your hands." "I'll be your sanity." - TJ Klune, Ravensong

love has always been something I've read about. but this quote takes the damn cake.

as for poems,

At a Funeral by Dennis Brutus

I analyzed this poem for an English Lit class and the story behind why it was written really stuck with me. It was written after the death of Valencia Majombozi who was shot on the day of her graduation from nursing school. Its a protest poem and it just hits really fucking hard.

Death of a Naturalist by Seamus Heaney

This was the first poem that i ever took inspiration from. I had of course written before, but I really enjoyed Heaney's writing style so it strongly influenced my poem Quietude, which I am planning to submit to the empty inkwell publication...hopefully lol

Identity Card by Mahmoud Darwish

This poem is written as a form of protest poetry as well. Mahmoud Darwish was a Palestinian poet, for those of you who do not know and he wrote this poem about being asked for his identity card by Israeli Officers. Its really, really good.