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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years ago

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Hi! When ur requests are open again, would u mind writing a bucky fic for a reader with p.o.t.s? I have an idea for it, i can message u if ur ok with it. Ill also explain pots more XD not a lot of people know what it is, i didnt till recently. No pressure tho! :)

Sure thing! I'm so sorry this took insanely long for me to finish

This Heart of Mine

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Word count: 3.3k

Warnings: POTS (Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), dizziness/fainting, talk of Bucky being injured on a mission (cuts and bruises, mention of stitches)

A/N: Um, hi! Alexa, play it's been a long long time

Main Masterlist

—------------------

When you’d made the suggestion to Bucky, he’d been completely on board. And so were you. But your mind and your body weren’t usually on the same page.

For a while certain daily things had been harder than they should be. Or at least, harder than you thought they should be. It wasn’t too noticeable at first, getting worn out easily, out of breath, dizzy at times - all things that could seemingly be written off as an off day or not getting enough sleep or something.

It became more noticeable when you stood up and your vision blacked out, causing you to need to lean on something for support or sit back down. The chest pain and the racing heart rates were pretty alarming at first.

POTS.

When you’d first heard your diagnosis you had been overwhelmed. You had barely lived your adult life and you had a heart condition? But reassuringly, you were told that it wasn’t as dangerous as it sounded. Your heart rate would jump when you stood up or moved too quickly, which would cause dizziness and could result in you fainting.

You’d learned over the months and years what helped. Standing up slowly or sitting back down if you felt dizzy, putting your head between your legs if you needed to, lying down for periods of time when your heart would not stop racing, and most importantly:

Don’t engage in strenuous exercise.

The last one had been challenging for you to accept. You didn’t like the idea that you couldn’t work out in a way that was safe or felt good for you. You had tried at various points in your life to train your heart to get used to the strain but it never really ended well. On a good day you were lucky to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded and needing to take a second.

You had tried to make peace with it but it was hard. It was embarrassing to an extent as well. You could feel the small inconspicuous stares and small glances at you when you were trying to catch your breath after walking up the stairs. The jealousy that filled your stomach when people would talk about the work outs they were doing or how they had gone or will go to the gym. It was hard not to feel like you were being lazy, and it was hard to remind yourself that you had a heart condition that made these things nearly impossible and unhealthy to do.

Try explaining to anyone these days that going to the gym was an unhealthy choice for you.

After a while it had become a part of your life. You had found other forms of achievement, and had worked your way to S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, and worked as a nurse on the medical unit. You had figured if you couldn’t help yourself the way you wanted to then you could help others.

What better way than patching up the world’s greatest heroes?

The first few times you had seen Bucky had been under horrible circumstances. Being the super soldier he was, he didn’t need to come down for most injuries. He was quiet and timid, which you could completely understand. Who wouldn’t be after what he’d been through?

After a while he had started to relax a little more around you, and started responding to your small attempts at conversation. The first time you saw the hints of a smile flash across his face you

You gradually started seeing more and more of Bucky, and the injuries got smaller and smaller. So small that he didn’t even really need to come down, because his metabolism made it so any small wounds would heal in a matter of hours. Once he came down for a bandaid on a cut that was already scabbed over. You had to laugh.

“If i didn’t know any better, youre just making up excuses to come and see me.”

“And what if i was?”

He looked slightly unsure as your eyes met his, afraid he had maybe overstepped a boundary. But you broke out into a smile, nodding a little. “Well, I think that I might like that.”

—————

Bucky and you had been dating for some time now and it had been nothing short of wonderful. You hadn’t told him about your POTS yet, you didn’t really see the need to. You tried to hide the breathlessness as best you could, which hadn’t been too difficult - dinner dates, movie nights and such. It was perfect

Until a couple of weeks ago.

A mission had gone south and while the mission was still a success, most of the team, Bucky especially, was in pretty rough shape. He had deep lacerations and some decent sized bruises. Nothing that wouldn’t heal, and the bruises had already started to - but this was the first time the soldier needed stitches.

Seeing him like that was hard for you. You were glad that you could be there for him and patch him up after the fact, but a part of you wished you could have prevented it from happening. Not like you could - how would you be able to take on an agent when you could barely take the stairs?

You didn’t even know how to throw a punch.

…but what if you did?

Which is what started the idea that maybe you could learn how to fight, maybe you could conquer this condition with the right guidance. A part of you, in the back of your mind, knew that it wasn’t the best idea medically speaking. But who were you not to try?

So one night you tried to bring it up to Bucky while you were getting a movie set up.

“You want me to teach you how to fight?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know - to feel stronger? Maybe one day I could fight alongside you”

“Absolutely not. Under no circumstances are you fighting someone who wants to also fight me,” Bucky said, chuckling dryly.

“Well I wouldn’t have to! I’d just know that I could.”

“Y/n, that would take a long time, you know that?” He asked, eyebrows raised slightly.

“Well lucky for you I’m not going anywhere.”

“You really want me to teach you?”

“Is that a yes? You’ll teach me how to fight?” You asked, excitement building.

“Well, it’s not quite that simple, but sure. I can teach you a few moves,” he said, smiling a little.

“Really?” you asked, trying not to sound too eager.

Bucky chuckled a little. “Sure. You wanna start tomorrow morning? 7 o’clock?”

“Yes,” you said a little too quickly, afraid he might change his mind.

“Okay, sounds great,” he said smiling. “Better get to bed then, if we’re doing this tomorrow.”

“I thought you were an early riser.”

“I wasn’t talking about me,” he teased, giving you a quick kiss before starting to walk towards his room. “Have a good night, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Night,” you called after him, heading back to your room. You closed the door and did a little fist bump in the air. Maybe this time it would work. Bucky would know how to train you and make you strong. You could do this.

You got ready for bed before lying down and turning off the light. You looked down and pointed to your chest. “You better behave tomorrow.”

—-----------

The next morning you got up and ready for the gym, making your way down and getting there at about 6:55 AM. Bucky was waiting for you, stretching a little as you walked in.

“Good morning.”

He looked over at you, a smile spreading on his face. “Mornin’ y/n. You ready for today?”

You nodded, setting down your things before making your way to stand opposite of him, but he only shook his head.

“Stretches first, y/n. Before you work out you have to stretch.”

Oh.

“Right, sorry. Duh,” you chuckled, but internally you were a little worried. Standing up was a struggle, how were you supposed to get on the floor and stretch?

Maybe you really were in over your head. But it was too late to back down now.

Bucky led you through some stretches and they weren’t that bad. But when you tried to stand up from reaching for your toes, your vision started to cloud and your heart started pounding.

You tried to breathe through it, widening your stance a little and shaking your head lightly, waiting for it to pass. Sometimes if you waited long enough it would pass and it wasn’t noticeable.

“Y/n? You ok?”

You blinked your eyes a few times and smiled, sight back to normal. “Yeah, sorry, just still a little tired,” you said with a small laugh. Bucky looked at you for a brief moment before he nodded.

He led you over to the sparring mats and taught you a small defensive fighting sequence step by step. He was throwing punches at you and teaching you how to block them. After explaining it a few times, he made his way to his side of the mat and got in a fighting stance, which you mimicked.

“You ready?” Bucky asked

You gave a little nod, taking a deep breath. He came towards you slowly, allowing you to show off the moves he had taught you. When you had finished the small fighting combo he had taught you, he nodded and dropped his stance.

“Good, now let’s try it a little faster.”

The two of you ran the fighting sequence again, faster this time, and again a little faster. When Bucky walked back to his side you walked over to grab your water and took a few small sips. Not because you needed it, you had barely done anything yet, but to buy you time. You were already winded and you had barely started, how long had you agreed to do this? You put your water back down and got in your stance before Bucky came at you again, this time at a normal speed. You blocked his punches with decent form, even adding a punch at the end.

“Nice! Let’s try it again.”

You reset the sequence, trying to catch your breath as he came at you again, but you could feel it coming. Your vision was blacking out again as you felt a wave of dizziness take over you, unable to take in a full breath. “Wait -” you called out, stopping all movement as Bucky stepped out of the way.

“You okay?” he said, concern washing over him.

You bent over and nodded a little, resting your hands on your knees. “Just… just a sec…” you breathed out, completely winded as you swayed a little on your feet.

“Y/n, what - oh my god come on, lets sit you down -” he said, grabbing a hand as the other went around your back, guiding you to sit on the floor. You laid back, your knees bent as you tried to take deep breaths to calm your heart down. Bucky went to grab your water bottle and came back to you as you were trying to sit back up.

“Hey, take it easy. What happened?” he asked as he helped you sit up, handing you the water.

You shook your head a little, “I’m fine, really. It just happens sometimes.”

Bucky looked at you for a few moments with concern. “Y/n, this kind of thing doesn’t just happen. You almost passed out, that’s not normal.”

“It is for me,” you said softly.

“What do you mean?”

Shit.

“Uh - well…. I mean…” you stuttered out before letting out a sigh. “I - I have this heart thing -”

“What? And you asked me to train?!” Bucky said, incredulous.

“Wait, wait it - ok I know it sounds bad but it’s not like that. I have this thing called POTS and it just means that I get winded easily and that my heart rate fluctuates a lot. And I don’t know, I just wanted to train and get stronger and I thought it would be fine, but… I guess not.”

“Oh…” Bucky said softly. “It’s not like - you’re not gonna -”

“No Bucky, I'm gonna be fine. It’s nothing like that, the worst that can happen is that I pass out or something,” you said casually.

Bucky’s eyes widened a little before he furrowed his eyebrows. “And that’s not concerning to you?”

“I’m just used to it, it’s no big deal.”

“It is a big deal especially if you’re going to try to train and not tell the other person.”

“Well I knew you would’ve said no!”

“Why? Because your doctor said no too?” he said firmly. You looked down, not able to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

Bucky sighed. “It’s…it’s okay, but you can’t do something like this. This is dangerous, understand? You have to promise me you won’t try this again. Not without talking to your doctor or something. Okay?”

You sat there a moment before you nodded. “Yeah. okay.”

—-----

Bucky had spent the rest of the day trying to figure out why you would have done that to yourself. He had tried to do some research on the internet on what POTS was to try to understand what you were going through.

The main verdict? Don’t engage in strenuous exercise.

He didn’t understand - if you knew you had this heart condition then why were you insistent on working out? Why would you put yourself in a position that could end with you really hurt?

He was going to talk to you, and he was on his way out of his room the next morning to see Natasha rushing by.

“Hey, where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“Training room. Y/n said she wanted some help learning how to fight.”

Surely he couldn’t have heard that right.. “What?”

Natasha stopped and furrowed her eyebrows. “Y/n asked me to help her with sparring? Im on my way down to teach her a few things”

“No you’re not,” he said pointedly, making his way down to the gym and leaving Natasha standing there confused.

As he walked in, he saw you standing there waiting, back towards the training room entrance.

“You know, asking someone else to train doesn’t make it any more okay.”

You stiffened, dread filling you as you turned around to see Bucky walk towards you.

Shit.

“Heyyy Bucky…”

“What did I say about training? Do you remember what happened not even 24 hours ago? You damn near passed out after not even 5 minutes of activity? What are you thinking?”

“Bucky -”

“Did you listen to me at all yesterday? Did you think I wouldn't find out?”

“Bucky listen to me -”

“No, you’re gonna get yourself hurt and i can’t let that happen. You’re not up for this.”

“WELL THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT!” you yelled out. “I’m not up for anything at any time. This stupid heart of mine won’t let me do anything! I walk up the stairs and I run out of breath, sometimes I pass out just because standing up is too much or the water in the shower is too hot. So I'm sorry if I want to be strong so i can protect people like you! I’m sorry if i - if - if i -” you breathed out, unsteady on your feet as you reached out for something, not finding anything as your body hit the floor.

“Y/n? Y/N!” Bucky rushed over to you, barely missing you as you passed out on the ground. He knelt down beside you, trying to figure out what to do You came to in a few seconds, groaning a little as you tried to figure out what was happening.

“Wh- what….?” your eyes wandered around the room as you tried to sit up before Bucky was gently pushing you back down.

“Y/n, hey, hi,” he stuttered out.

“What happened?” you asked, looking around to try to figure out where you were.

He sighed a little. “We got in a fight and you passed out.”

A moment passed before a wave of realization hit you and you closed your eyes, head falling back down against the floor. “Shit.”

A few moments of silence passed before Bucky started shifting, moving his arms under your knees and back.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m picking you up and taking you to medical.”

“What?! No you’re not,” you said, pushing his arms away from you and trying to sit up on your own. “Those are my coworkers, I’m not about to March in saying that I passed out during an argument!”

“You’re right. Because I’m going to carry you there,” Bucky said, lifting you up bridal style.

You wanted to argue more but you knew he was right. You let your head fall against his chest, hiding your face as your cheeks burned with embarrassment through the hallways.

You let Bucky do all of the talking, taking you to one of the rooms and laying you back on the bed. You tried to force the tears of shame back but they spilled over anyway, your hand coming up to swipe them away.

Bucky took your hand in his and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

“Why are you so adamant about this whole fighting thing?”

You stayed silent for a few moments before shaking your head a little. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

You looked over at him, eyes so caring and concerned, it made you want to laugh at the irony. Learning how to protect Bucky led to him having to protect you.

“I wanted to protect you.”

Well that was about the last thing he thought you’d say. “What?”

“That mission, back a few weeks ago,” you started. “Where you came back and I had to give you stitches. I couldn’t stand that the only thing I could do was stitch you up and give you a few bandaids. You’re out there and I’m in here and I can’t change that no matter how much I want to. No matter how I try to fix this issue with my heart it won’t go away and I can’t fix it. I can’t put a bandaid on it or take some medication and make it better, I have to live with it and I can’t stand it. And I can’t protect you, I can only..fix you. But what if one day you’re not there to fix?”

“Hey,” he said softly, hushing you. “I’m not going anywhere ok? I can protect myself. I know you want to, but this is how you protect me. Being my love to come home to and nurse to patch me up. That’s how you protect me. But you can’t do that if you’re not taking care of yourself,” he said, brushing some hair out of your face.

“I know. It - it was stupid. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not stupid, it’s important to you. But just because you can’t be out there with me doesn’t mean you’re not useful right here too,” he said, smiling at you.

You nodded a little. “Thank you, Bucky.”

“Anytime,” he said, waiting a moment before adding “You know I can take like…a whole SWAT team by myself, right?”

“What?”

“I’m just saying, I got my own back. Could probably do it one handed. And I dunno, if you want me to prove that to you -“

“You are such a dork sometimes,” you chuckled, shaking your head a little. You’d find a way for this to work. And until then, you had Bucky and he had you.

---------

tags: @joansiefics @hallecarey1 @ gabewerk @stanmixtapes @ykta-m @fictional-l0v3r @multifandom-boss-bitch @psychoticmason @couldsstuff @amyymendse @bunnyweasley23 @toyouimlousquared @ ttsforkscullen @ seabassstanfan @harrysthiccthighss @peter-parkers-cullen-nerd @dindjarinsspouse @vane28282 @jinsbutter @sveetnn @threeowlsinaraincoat15 @sarahsquid @brookeduggann @ hailkurtcobain @onyourgoddamnleft @daydreaming-lightly @sokovianheadtilt @sup--ernova @babydaddy-buckybarnes @broadwaybabe18 @strawberrimae @peggycarter-steverogers @ fghi23 @buckys2thicc @youre-amazing-say-it @like-what-the-fuck-scoob

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endeaavorr · 4 years ago

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PAPA!ENJI AU CHARACTER BREAKDOWN

hello ! this is some new content idea that i thought would help everyone understand their dynamic better, and if this turns out well i’d turn this into an event too, i hope you enjoy. with love, moon. cw : mentions of death, violence, suicide, slight yandere tendencies.

“if you (have to) choose between the fate of your partner or the fate of the world, what will you choose ?”

y/n’s answer : them

y/n is very selfish when it comes to her relationship with enji. there’s something with the way she thinks, that’s just different and not even i, her creator can fathom or tell if it’s good or not. she’s so emotionally intelligent it boosts her and even enji’s publicity. but at the same time, to her nothing matters other than enji and her brothers. she would gladly knock on devil’s door and put a bargain on things no one wants to know what is just to get her way.

enji’s answer : the world

this is pretty obvious. enji is officially japan’s number one hero, with a successful agency to lead aside from it. it naturally makes him a leader that will have no choice but to put others first, it’s his responsibility, it’s his fate.

“will you sacrifice yourself for the other person ?”

y/n’s answer : will

after all the todoroki discourse, y/n considers enji her life and death. she vowed to herself to do everything in her power and beyond to make sure enji can be happy with her. to her, death is painless. it is life that brings misery.

enji’s answer : will

this is self explanatory. even if their relationship remained platonic, enji’s parental love would still let him give up his life for her.

“can you kill your partner if they become a monster ?”

y/n’s answer : can not

as i stated previously, y/n is selfish when it comes to enji. she would rather sit back and watch the world gets consumed by hellfire if it means she can be with enji.

enji’s answer : can

he has his responsibilities as a hero, and sacrificing personal matters is at the top of the list. he knew what it’s like to lose a child, so he can have a better judgement of what he would do. it’d crush him though. he’d be on distraught for a long time.

“will you take revenge if your partner is killed ?”

y/n’s answer : will

enji is a hard man to kill, if he somehow got killed it would be because he was distracted like when dabi revealed himself as touya, or it would be because reinforcement came late. the latter would be worse though, there’s no limit to how far she would go.

enji’s answer : will

unlike y/n’s egocentric temper, enji wouldn’t blame it on reinforcement or other survivors. he’d use all his connections and power as the number one to find whoever’s responsible. i haven’t thought this enough but it’s possible that the grief gets too much for enji to handle, it completely dulls his hero tendencies. he not only will let your killer die a slow and painful death, but also their kid too. an eye for an eye.

“will you follow your partner to death ?”

y/n’s answer : will

there are two scenarios where i thought about this possibility may occur. scenario one would be if enji’s sacrificing himself to save everyone like fighting a villain or gets trapped etc, if that’s the case she’ll stay and let life play whatever joke it has on them, as long as she has him, it doesn’t matter. scenario two would be if enji died without her like for example in a hospital or a battleground where she’s not present, if that’s the case she wouldn’t straight up kill herself, she’ll see what happens after like if it was accidental or planned or anything, but im not disclosing anything though, she can be unpredictable when it comes to enji.

enji’s answer : will not

if the conditions are like as i stated with y/n, on scenario one enji would sacrifice himself with y/n so ‘she at least won’t be alone in her last moments’. meanwhile on scenario two, he’s gonna prompt for revenge, and maybe find a way to bring her back.

“possibility of marriage ?”

y/n’s answer : there is not

enji’s answer : there is not

enji is legally still married to rei in this au. even if their marriage wasn’t built on love and it’s practically ended, a divorce will stain his and his family’s name. they had a talk about this about two years after both of them became a thing, and there’s a mutual agreement on this matter. the todoroki legacy that has been built is way too valuable to taint. enji feels bad though, y/n has sacrificed way too much, even more than rei did. so enji did give her a promise ring, making it clear that he’s not messing with her feelings or taking her for granted. he wears that ring in place of his first one that he got with rei. on a more simple answer, i’m sure incest marriage is illegal. (too bad)

“at the end of the world will you be with your partner ?”

y/n’s answer : will

enji’s answer : will

there’s no need to elaborate further on y/n’s answer. however enji’s a bit tricky since he should be trying to save people, right ? but no. he’s still a person with his own desires before he is a hero. it’s not like the world ever sacrificed its life for him anyways. enji would stop by rei’s place where natsuo and shoto lives to give a last apology, then go somewhere nice with y/n to watch the skies darken for the last time.

“will you tell lies to your partner ?”

y/n’s answer : will

enji’s answer : will

both of them are similar in this. i guess this is where the todoroki genes take place. she would only do harmless lies like birthday surprises and when she’s hiding her struggles or something because really there’s nothing for her to lie about, while enji would lie to protect her from the harsh knowledge of the grown up’s world. he thinks you’re still too innocent for the world, and he’d like to keep it that way.

“your partner has been killed to end their hellish suffering, will you revive them ?”

y/n’s answer : will

by now, it’s clearing up that she has some yandere tendencies. it’s not to the extent that she beheads any woman breathing the same air as enji, but it’s enough to be delusional at times. in this case, if enji was killed then she’d go into a craze frenzy. it’s even worse because people will come up to her and say shit like “he’s happy now.” she’d think “he was happy with me too” and mutter it lots of times. kinda scary to the people around her, and if given the chance to revive him, she’d take it in a heartbeat. she’s sure she can make him happy.

enji’s answer : will not

well, how do i say it. enji do loves her, but the years difference in life experience between him and y/n makes all the difference. he thinks rationally, like a normal person do. he’s not that confident in making y/n happy in the first place either, it’s not like she was free from his shitty jerk behaviour back then, if not she even sometimes took the hit for his brothers too. he’s not sure if he ever really made you happy despite trying his best. thus if given such situation, his insecure ass would consider it best if he lets what has happened, happened.

“can you live your position and responsibility for your partner ?”

y/n’s answer : can

y/n’s still quite young, only a few years in her hero career. she doesn’t really have a lot to stake on to be frank. especially with her pesonality, it won’t be a hard choice. hell if enji asks her to be a homemaker she’d be delighted to resign.

enji’s answer : can not

he has too much responsibility, having achieved that much in such a young age means he has a lot in stake. it’s unprofessional too, it irks him to be anything other than that.

“what are the last words you will say to your partner before you part ways forever ?”

y/n’s answer : i will care for you always, that was my part of the deal.

enji’s answer : i’m sorry.

in my au, i only consider this possible to happen if rei wanted to get back together and enji had no choice but to agree. it would be a long shot though, it’s canon in my au that y/n despises her mother, she’d be on her neck the moment she got off the hospital, keeping her away from enji as much as possible. but if this scenario did somehow happen, i think y/n would give in. he’d do anything for enji at the end of the day. (as long as they still fuck regularly tho)

“would they want to meet each other again if they were reborn ?”

y/n’s answer : i want to

enji’s answer : i want to

maybe this time, he won’t be so insecure and flawed. maybe this time, she would fight harder for him.

“finally, one word to describe their relationship ?”

moon’s answer : romantic.

maybe they were doomed from the very start, but they loved each other with all they had. maybe it was wrong, and ugly at times, but still they were two romantics yearning for each other.

this is the end of the character breakdown, thank you so much for making it this far and enjoying my papa!enji au. i appreciate all of you so much.

#papa!enji #endeavor x reader smut #endeavor x reader fluff #enji todoroki #enji todoroki x reader #enji todoroki x reader fluff #endeavor headcanons #enji todoroki headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha headcanons

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epicseptic · 3 years ago

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Erseptyl AU

Prologue Part2

So this is part 2/3 to the prologue of my fantasy au? I so apologize if this one doesn’t live up to the first. This one got a little too ambitious for me.... but I am still learning how to word ^^’ And dialogue.. i gotta learn to do that too. I’ll learn tho. I hope.... Criticism is appreciated ^^’

Part one - https://epicseptic.tumblr.com/post/660766644770062336/erseptyl-au

----------

"Ugh, this is so BORING!" Marvin groaned. He slumped in his place on the throne, leaning his elbow on the armrest with his head in his hand.

"Your Highness, please refrain from such inappropriate outbursts...." Anti was highly unamused by the misbehavior and the disapproving look on his face said it all. He stood to the left of the throne with a book as big as an encyclopedia in his arms and a quill in his hand. As Marvin's royal advisor, he stood beside him throughout most of the day charting records and ultimately helping the prince make decisions on social and economical issues in the kingdom. He was typically very calm and passionate about his work, always wanting to get straight to the point and sometimes getting carried away.

At least, that's how Marvin saw it.

"How many people did you say I would have to meet with today?" He asked, his boredom was evident in the tone of his voice and the way he kicked his foot against the carpet.

"Not many. Several folks from town have requested an audience with you. Afterwards, you are to meet with a group of men from the council to discuss taxes and production within the city. It should only take a couple of hours. Now please sit up straight and be professional." His words were quite stern and he spoke to him as if he was instructing a four year old. It was clear that he didn't have much patience to deal with the prince's nonsense today.

Marvin simply huffed with slight annoyance as he propped himself up and fixed his posture. He was used to behaving "properly" but he wasn't fond of the way the servants would still tell him how to act. It seemed that some of them still treated him like some kind of adolescent child. Maybe they didn't see it the same way, but he thought he was perfectly mature. Inexperienced maybe, but other than that he didn’t need everyone to hold his hand all the time. He wasn’t just some child anymore. He just wasn't at all excited about the boring meetings he would have to sit through today...

As if right on cue, the captain of the royal guard, Chase, entered through the castle gates and approached the throne along the long, golden colored carpet. "Your Highness" He kneeled in front of the steps when he reached the end of the hall. "The townspeople that are to meet with you are beginning to line up outside. Shall I let them in now?"

Chase was Marvin's most skilled soldier. He was skilled in both sword and bow. In fact, archery was his strongest suit. He was dedicated and disciplined, though you would never know that outside of the sparring halls since that side of himself was reserved only for the training grounds and the battlefield. His authoritative conduct usually stayed buried beneath his friendly and optimistic attitude when he was around the rest of the staff. He was friendly and fun, but focussed when he needed to be. Marvin quite appreciated his companionship as well. He was a good friend and was actually acquainted with the prince on a more personal level, much like JJ was. However, he still treated Marvin with the utmost respect. To this day, he still refused to address him by his first name no matter how many times Marvin told him he could.

With a bit of uncertainty, Marvin looked to Anti who simply stared impatiently back at him, waiting for him to give the command to the knight. He supposed that look meant yes. He sighed, ready to just get the afternoon over with. "Yes. Please send them in...."

Chase wasted no time nodding and getting to his feet to fetch the townspeople waiting outside and it wasn't long before he returned to introduce the first individual; a baker by the name of Ludwig looking to expand his business. He was asking to be given the funds to open a second shop on the other side of town and to provide himself with the proper equipment. A reasonable thing to ask for, right?

"Well…" Marvin thought aloud upon hearing the man’s plea. He knew that his advisor would insist on denying this request - that he would see no significance in the man's plight - but decisions like this really preyed on Marvin's moral values.

When he didn't come up with a quick enough response, Anti decided to chime in and give his opinion. "Your highness, adding another bakery into the city is not a priority. There is no need to waste tax money on... cake..." He had a look of disgust on his face when he said that last word, his eyes scanning the man up and down. His words were harsh and Marvin cringed seeing the baker’s heartbroken expression. As he suspected, Anti was opposed to the idea. He took his opinion into account but he still didn't know what he should say. It was all so daunting, having everyone's eyes on him while he anxiously tried to come up with something that would make everyone happy... But he knew that no matter what he chose, someone was going to be upset. Whether it was the baker who would leave empty handed and disappointed, or Anti who would disagree with the way he handled money. It was as if he was stood before a tall, delicate structure and, despite his best efforts to keep it standing, his ultimate decision would always send it crashing down. Since being in charge, he quickly learned that there were no compromises. Apparently, it wasn’t about making a choice that made everyone happy, but instead about choosing the one that would cause less destruction…

He knew that he couldn't pass out gold to just anyone but, in the end, he couldn't deny someone the opportunity to follow their dreams. And so, he finally had his verdict. "I think it's great that you want to share your talent with your people. I would be honored to help provide you with the means to do so." He agreed and the man was immediately filled with joy. He thanked the prince again and again, saying that the kingdom was blessed to have such a gracious ruler like him. He had to admit, he felt a bit awkward by his kind words but, aside from that, he was just happy to see the man filled with such happiness. Besides, Marvin knew what it was like to want to be a part of something bigger and achieve a personal level of success.

It felt good to come to a rewarding conclusion and he was beaming as he watched Chase escort the very joyful man out of the throne room. However, when he looked to Anti, he noticed him looking down with a frown as he scribbled something in his notes. He was shaking his head in disapproval and Marvin's smile promptly faded seeing the sour expression on his face. Suddenly he began wondering if he made the right choice after all. Maybe he should've thought a little harder about his decision but wasn't keeping the people happy the right thing to do? Wasn't that the most important thing about being a ruler?

He just didn't know anymore. He wished someone would tell him... It always seemed like he was doing something wrong. It was never good enough for everyone…

Minutes after the man had left the throne room, the next citizen walked in through the large doors. After all the time he'd spent pondering the first request, he already felt so overwhelmed and began wondering just how long that whole ordeal had taken.

"Umm… Anti?” He leaned over his chair to whisper to him. “How long have we been here?"

He stared vacantly at him for a moment, completely speechless. "Your highness, we just got started… It's only been 10 minutes. Now, please sit properly!" He whispered back but with a far more impatient tone. Truthfully, he was shocked that the prince was already getting restless when they'd only just begun.

Only 10 minutes? He frowned and corrected his posture again, resting his head in his hand while he leaned against the armrest. If that's how long 10 minutes felt, he couldn't imagine how long he was going to have to sit there… Sitting in one spot for hours was boring enough as it was, but the most taxing part of it all would be making proper, sensible decisions in a timely manner. all while trying his best to keep everyone happy. That was the most difficult part about all of this and he knew that all of the stress was going to leave him exhausted. There was no telling how long these meetings were going to last but he just tried to maintain professionalism and push through the next few hours with a smile. All he knew was that it was about to be a long afternoon…

----------

Later that evening, after all of his meetings were finally over, Marvin had retired to his study. Unfortunately, though his meetings were over, his business was not and he still had yet to finish answering many other requests. His study room consisted of bookshelves on either side of the room, a large arched window in the back with the curtains wide open to let in the sunlight, and his desk in the center which contained paperwork, ink, quills, and books.

He was sitting at his desk with his head resting tiredly in his hand while he leaned his elbow on the wood. Anti was with him and he was listening to him read out more propositions for him to answer to. These ones were different from the meetings he had to sit through earlier since they weren’t just from town, but from all over the kingdom. Each proposition came with a scroll of paper to sign and Anti passed them to him on the table one by one. He had such a hard time focusing on them and found himself staring distantly at the papers in front of him, barely caring enough to listen as Anti read them out.

"Your Highness, the king in the neighboring kingdom is planning to raid Jaskervawl and he is inviting you to join him. He is simply asking for you to provide men and weapons for his cause. This would be a great opportunity for you to-"

"No, thank you." He suddenly interrupted, not wanting to hear any more. He already hated the sound of this selfish request.

Anti didn't appreciate being interrupted but he calmly continued just as before. "My Prince, if I may, this would be a great opportunity to expand your reign and conquer more territory." Anti made an effort to calmly convince him to change his mind and go through with the raid. "As king, it is important that you claim land and supplies for profit, even if that means stealing it. Just think, your leadership could strike fear into your enemies."

He shook his head. "I said no. I will not get involved in a war."

"My liege, I think you should accept this proposal.” He immediately disregarded his refusal and insisted that he go through with the assault on Jaskervawl. “You cannot continue to dodge vital opportunities such as this. A king must show leadership! You represent everything that this kingdom stands for. Whether or not this leads to a war, should not concern you...“ This is what he hated most when it came to working under the prince. He was always trying to 'play it safe' and it was obviously holding him back. His lack of leadership was only hindering the growth of the kingdom's productivity and, therefore, its money.

And to him, money meant power.

"I said, no." Though he raised his voice a bit, he remained patient with Anti. However, it was starting to bug him that his words seemed to have no effect on the situation. He was in charge and yet it felt like he had no say in this. He wanted nothing more to do with it. "We will speak of this no further."

By this point, Anti was incredibly irked and found that he couldn't hold back his frustration any longer. "You are going to be king one day, and you expect to be as successful as your father? At this rate you’ll never measure up to him! What kind of example do you intend to set if you do not grow up and take some responsibility to provide for your kingdom? When will you accept your role as a ruler and quit avoiding every opportunity to-"

"Enough! That is not your decision to make!" This struck a nerve for him. He could only take so much of Anti patronizing him and he quickly got to his feet, his hands slamming on the table in protest. "I am the prince and I run this kingdom, not you! Do not speak to me like I am some kind of naive child!"

Anti fell silent. Marvin noticed and he brought his voice level down significantly.

He waited a few moments, took a deep breath, then sighed. "I told you, I decline. I will not risk the safety of my people or my army. You would do well to accept that, Anti."

"But-"

"You are my advisor, not my father. You have no authority over me. You are merely here to assist me in my daily affairs. I make the decisions, not you." It seemed he always had to remind him of his place...

He hesitated, swallowing back his agitation. "Yes, my liege...." He bit his tongue, so hard that he could taste a slight tang of blood in his mouth. He had to bite back whatever bitter insult he so longed to spit into the prince's face.

Marvin never noticed anything out of the ordinary and sat back down in his chair once he’d calmed down. He stared down at the paper in front of him with thought before picking it up and crumpling it into a ball in his hand. "Look....” He began. “I will remind you again not to step out of line."

"Yes, of course.... My humblest apologies, my lord. It seems I have allowed myself to lose my composure again...” His words were almost dramatic. The tone he used was excessively apologetic. So much so that any other person would suspect that it was all an act, like a jester putting on a terrible theater play, portraying a character that anyone could see right through. “I hope you will have mercy on me...." He bowed deeply with his left hand over his chest. No matter how many times this happened, he always acted so sincere, and Marvin believed him. He felt that he had no reason to doubt him.

He never looked back at Anti. In fact, he seemed to intentionally avoid looking directly at him. Instead, Marvin breathed a heavy sigh and after a few moments of silence, he offered his answer. "Of course…." He said calmly. Even though Anti tended to lose his cool, he worked efficiently at his job and Marvin couldn't bring himself to punish him. He wanted to be fair but perhaps he wasn't being firm enough.

It didn't matter right now. His mind was tired and he was at his limit. He just wanted to finally be rid of all of the stress of this day. "Please, Anti, if you don't mind, I think I'm done with my duties for today. I'm exhausted…."

More annoying delays... He wanted to protest again but quickly caught himself and held back before he could make a sound. "Understood... We can continue this matter tomorrow. I will just take my leave then." He bowed to him once again. However, he never once took his cold, harsh glare off of him. The expression on his face was disturbingly calm, but his eyes were like icy daggers. It was like his stare alone could impale you just the same as any sharp blade.

Again, Marvin failed to notice this and laid his forehead directly on his desk, both arms dangling lazily at his sides. He really acted so immature sometimes... It didn't matter anymore though because Anti hastily turned on his heel and exited the room, not wanting to waste another moment he could be spending elsewhere.

Stepping out into the hall, he passed by another servant, JJ to be exact, who was carrying a tray of dessert for the prince in his hands. Anti marched down the corridor, the weight of his boots on the carpet let anyone within earshot know of his presence. JJ felt his shoulders stiffen when he noticed Anti ahead of him. He knew that they would inevitably cross paths so he made a great effort not to accidentally make eye contact with the intimidating man in front of him. Though his head remained facing forward the whole time, as he passed him, JJ swore he caught a glimpse of that same icy stare glancing at him with disgust. The moment was so short but the weight of his stare was almost suffocating. And as he walked away, the wind from his cape trailing behind him carried a bitter chill to it that made Jamie shudder.

As scared as he was of Anti though, he couldn’t help but stop in his tracks and turn back to catch a glimpse of him walking away with a posture so tall and full of pride… He looked so normal from a distance but up close, Anti was terrifying. He tried to just shake it off and pay no mind to his unsettling presence though. He had important matters that needed his attention, and after a few moments of staring, he turned around and continued down the corridor to Marvin's study.

He carefully knocked on the door when he’d reached it. Seconds later, he heard Marvin's muffled voice from the other side, permitting him to enter. He entered the room slowly and closed the door behind him. The first thing he saw was Marvin sitting with his arms folded on the desk and his head buried in his arms. He looked… comfortable... He didn't want to disturb him so he set down the tray on the desk in front of him and gave his shoulder a gentle tap.

When Marvin looked up, he saw a lovely piece of fruit cake on a small plate waiting for him. Then he noticed JJ looking at him with concern written in his expression. He quickly corrected his posture and shook the hair away from his face to quickly fix himself up for his friend and make it seem like nothing was out of the ordinary. Maybe JJ wouldn’t notice his tiredness.

"Oh- Hey, Jamie" he greeted as naturally as he could. However, JJ could see the fatigue on his face, plain as day.

"Is everything alright?" He signed. Seeing as how Anti had just left the room and Marvin being so worn out, he suspected that Anti had lost his temper again. This seemed to be a pattern with Anti and JJ wasn't at all pleased with the way he overstepped his boundaries with the prince.

Anti carried the blood of a dark elf in his veins and, while his kind had been wiped out by humans long ago, it seemed that his temperament matched that of his ancestors. It was a characteristic of his, yet it always made JJ wonder why Anti would take on a role in serving the royal family. Shouldn't he have a grudge on the royal bloodline for the destruction of his kind? As curious as he was, Jamie couldn't bring himself to ask. Anti was terrifying enough as it was. But why on earth would someone with such a short fuse like him work such a tedious job like this one? He should know what to expect by now.

"Did something happen with Anti?" He inquired worriedly, already expecting the answer he dreaded to hear.

He picked up the plate from the tray and placed it in front of himself. He didn't know how to answer him. He knew that if he said yes, JJ would scold him again for letting Anti lose his cool. But he couldn’t lie. Not to Jamie. "Well…" he paused, choosing his words carefully. "He just got a little heated again. It's no big deal though. I took care of it-"

Already he could see JJ's expression harden and his brows furrowing in anger. The mute wasn't usually one to lose his temper but when it came to his best friend, he became quite defensive.

"Marvin, you cannot allow him to disrespect you like that." He signed his name… Now Marvin knew just how serious he was. Even his hands moved more vigorously as he signed.

Marvin raised his shoulders and his cheeks flushed with shame. He knew that JJ was only concerned for him but he still felt as if he was a child who was being verbally chastised over a small mistake. Truthfully, he felt hopeless.

"It's fine, JJ. I have it all under control. It's nothing I can't handle-"

"Don't you see? He's doing more harm than good. He's stressing you out. Why do you continue to employ him?"

Marvin was silent. He stared down at the untouched cake in front of him, trying once again to find his words. "I can't just fire him. He might be impatient sometimes or lose his cool, but I feel like he has potential… You know?" He paused. "I mean… Surely, he's trying to better himself. Right? He deserves a chance at that…" He tried so hard to defend him and justify his cruel actions.

There was more to it than that and JJ could tell that he had more reason to want to trust Anti. He had a feeling he knew what it was too... Anti had been working at the castle for a long time. Longer than himself and many of the other servants. He had previously been under the employment of the king and only continued to serve under the prince. Marvin didn't want to fire him because he felt that he was the closest living person to his father. He certainly trusted him enough to allow him into the royal court… He just couldn't let go of someone who worked so closely with his father. Anti was the only one in the castle who spent all of his time with the king. If anyone knew how the king worked, it was him and Marvin believed him to be the only one who could show him how to be just as good as his father.

JJ had to admit, he felt a small bit offended. It seemed that Marvin saw Anti as more of a figure of guidance than him… In a way, he was disappointed that his best friend didn’t perceive him in that way. Despite all of that though, his reason for keeping the elf in power was personal and so JJ didn't want to press the matter further. Besides, the reasons didn't matter. It was clear that Marvin really trusted Anti as his advisor and didn't have the heart to remove him from his staff.

Marvin could see JJ looking at him intently with a very puzzled stare, as if he was staring into his mind trying to pick apart his very thoughts for trusting such a foul individual. "Look, don't worry about Anti. I know he's a bit… Unorthodox? But he deserves just as much a chance to work here as anyone else… Please, just give him a chance, okay?"

Hearing those words reminded JJ of how kind Marvin really was as a person. Naive, no doubt, but kind. It was concerning sometimes, especially in this case. He pinched the bridge of his nose, knowing that there was nothing he could say to change the prince's mind. He didn't trust Anti one bit and, the way he saw it, Anti was faking his respect for the prince because when he was anywhere but by the prince's side, his demeanor changed. It was ominous and conniving. All of the servants knew it. There was always something going on behind his mask of loyalty but no one truly knew what he was thinking. It was disturbing to say the least.

JJ sighed in defeat. "I will trust your judgment, my friend." He addressed him more personally. "But please watch your back around him. Don't let him get away with his power..."

It was apparent that JJ didn't trust Anti. In fact, he was aware that multiple people in his staff felt very put off by Anti in general but Marvin still had faith in him. Besides, even if Anti lost his temper from time to time, he always seemed to catch himself and correct his behavior. Why would he punish someone who was just doing their best?

"Don't worry, Jamie. I'll keep an eye on him." He looked at him, giving him a confident, reassuring smile. He’d hoped that JJ could see things the way he did and trust in his judgment and it seemed he did a good job convincing him.

The atmosphere seemed kind of tense now after their conversation but then Marvin suddenly remembered the cake that he still had yet to touch. It had completely slipped his mind and he awkwardly fumbled for the fork that was still resting on the tray that JJ had brought in, eager to change the subject to something else.

"Oh! But this cake sure looks incredible-" He declared with renewed excitement. He scooped a generous helping of cake onto the small fork and took a taste of the beautiful dessert. It tasted just as good as it looked. It was dense and sweet and it was the perfect thing to help him relax after such a long day of meetings. “Hmm… Thank you, Jamie…”

Usually, Marvin would not be allowed to have junk food before dinner since it would spoil his appetite, but JJ decided that he would make an exception for today. It had been a long day and this was the perfect thing to help him relax before his bedtime eventually rolled around. Until then, JJ would let him take his time and enjoy his cake. He was just happy to see him smiling and enjoying himself for the first time all day. It was probably the most rewarding thing about being Marvin’s valet; getting to cheer him up when he needed it most. He smiled sweetly at him and signed once more. “Of course, my friend.”

----------

I hope its still okay to tag you all? ^^’

@jack-and-sammy @geekyfox2 @fanaticallyperfect @cryptid-bwoid

#jacksepticeye #jse egos #marvin the magnificent #jameson jackson #antisepticeye #chase brody #fanfiction #erseptyl au #fantasy au #writing #my writing #jse community

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years ago

Note

Wait what the hell is Magnus going

What deal did he make with max???

MAX FORCED HIM TO GIVE HIMSELF UP IN RETURN FOR DAVID WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL NO WE CANT DO THIS TO THEM

G>|]**\^&£/783928€!.);£:8282&!njsieowow

DANII!!!!

I am mad

Please don’t do this

Please

“They are all going to hate me,” Max whispered “They won’t,” Magnus whispered. “I promise.”

Umm no max, they will hate you, Magnus is lying.

If Magnus dies and then Alec dies as well I’m just why

‘Magnus didn’t want to die’

😭😭😭 my poor baby of course he doesn’t! He has so much to live for!

Who’s gonna take care of max when everyone’s gone?

‘He thinks with his heart now’

Of course he does and so he should 😭

‘He wanted to tell max not to feel guilty - about any of it’

Nah Magnus your boy max did a shitty thing he deserves to feel guilty. Like yeah Magnus did a crappy thing to his kid, but he did it out of love. He’s a good parent, he loves his kid, and now max is gonna ruin his own life over it. He will never forgive himself. Ever.

‘Protect himself against his son’

This is really sad. Just sad. My heart 😭😭

No I think as the next consul and inquisitor Rafael and anjali should stay behind to take over if things go very very south

Also rafe’s innocence in all this😭😭 he doesn’t know what’s going on or what’s gonna happen 😭😭 my poor baby

“I won’t stop.”

I don’t believe him. Well kinda. I don’t think he’ll stop loving max, but he loves him so much that he couldn’t bear to be with him because what he’s done is just so painful for him. Because that’s the thing right? You don’t stop loving the people you love when they do stupid things. That’s just what makes it more painful, because you love them. Which in fact will make it harder for David, because he will want to not love max, it’s easier not to, but he won’t stop, because he loves him

At least, David isn’t like anyone else, but that’s what it’s like for me, and I got David in the quiz

Ngl max in this fic kinda annoys me. I am defo a Rafael Stan.

‘Dad, Rafael, David, Bapak.’

All the people max loves, and he knows that what he’s doing will make them all hate him/very very angry.

Like dude if you know you’re gonna hurt everyone who cares about you maybe you should just, like, yk, not do it?

Is that an option???

Oop David got it wrong

“Don’t lose yourself. Please.”

Oh no David, what max is doing is so much worse than that, sooo much worse

Ooh clever Chopin

But David’s right though.

Max would never.

Except max would.

I mean it’s a debate isn’t it. He wouldn’t have considered it before, he refused to let Magnus find out, because he didn’t want it to happen

So I guess you could say Magnus drove him to it, by threatening to take his magic

Oh shit max you took his magic already???

Ok I must have terribly misjudged something here what is going on???

Is this real???

Huh??

Wait the hell mina

The hell is going on here

HOW

My guessing skills have been compromised dani you have finally defeated me

What was all that about ooh I’m so sorry please forgive me David you’re gonna hate me what was all that about why Wld he say that if it wasn’t real

Oh wait yep max pulled thru he achieved his I lie to everyone and mess this shit up

Ohhh max you wonderful wonderful boy

Ohhh I don’t hate you anymore

You did a good good thing

Ohh this is much better

Sorta confused abt the perspectives bit tho

Whoaaa what the hell

How did max arrange all this this is crazy shit even for him!!

I understand

Max killed himself destroying asmodeus

I think?

That’s what Magnus saw

Max is gone and everyone is fighting the battle

Wow dani

This shit hits hard

This reaction was such a fucking rollercoaster I can only imagine what it's like for yall to read this shit omg take care of yalls mental health please!!!

Also - Max thought everyone was going to hate him because he basically sacrificed himself and he knew that's the last thing his family would want. Instead of thinking they will miss him and worry for him, he thought they will think he was a reckless idiot (same as as the readers.) so yeah. We'll come back to this later :(

#lbaf

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herstarburststories · 4 years ago

Text

Treacherous

Pairing: Demon!Dean x Reader

Summary: You finally fall for Demon!Dean's charm and give yourself to him.

Warnings: oral sex (male receiving), language, smasgt.

You grimaced when your feet touched the cold ground of your bedroom, although it was still strange to think about that place as such. After all, it had been years sleeping and not sleeping in a room shared with Dean. To glare at the walls and not to find any rock bands posters or accidentally trip on one of his adult magazines was at the bare minimum. But then, there was nothing you could do about that. Accepting a demon version of your boyfriend’s invitation to stay in your and Dean’s old room was completely out of limits.

Dean, or his demon self, as you needed to remind yourself more than you’d like to admit, was living in the bunker again after an unsuccessful attempt of curing him. Castiel had said that maybe the cure didn’t work out as all of you intended, but it could’ve somehow reminded him of humanly emotions in a deeper sense.

Cas had been resting in the bunker more than usual just to make sure that you and Sam were safe. When he wasn’t there, the angel would be busy looking for another way to cure the eldest Winchester. You and Sam had been searching as much as possible, outside of Dean’s protests against it.

‘’Personally, I like the disease. Come on, guys. I’m still me, just better,” he had said right before he started looking for a new case.

Shaking your head, you rose up from the bed. The clock appointed two in the AM, reporting your obvious insomnia. A sigh escaped from your lips as you walked out the door, silently pacing towards the kitchen. Perhaps a cup of water would help. If you were lucky, the chocolate bar you had left in the fridge would be there still.

The frosty breeze from the refrigerator on your face was near to a midnight relief, which caused you to smile softly. Its light was your only company while you looked for the forgotten chocolate bar, until a deep voice spoke: ‘’You have been avoiding me, sweetheart.’’

You turned around with a swift move, mildly surprised by his sudden presence. Dean smirked at you, half of his face concealed by the darkness that the refrigerator light couldn’t reach.

You huffed. ‘’It’s two in the morning, and I just came to get some water, Dean. Let’s not start it.’’

‘’But I wanna start it, (Y/N). Come on, it’s been days.’’ Out of nowhere, he grabbed your waist and pulled you closer, the blackish shadows enveloping both of you. You gasped, placing your hands on his chest to separate you two.

‘’Let me go!’’ You groaned at Dean, pushing him away, but it didn’t have any effect. If anything, he only pulled you closer. You couldn't see anything in the dark. Yet, it wasn’t quite necessary. His breath hitting your cheek was warning enough of how close he was.

‘’I get it, (Y/N). You miss the good ol’ Dean, but he is gone for good, sweetheart. I’m all that’s left. Don’t you miss me enough to want me like this?’’

Before your answer, he held you. Pressing his body to yours, you felt his semi erect cock against you. You pursed your lips together in an attempt to keep the clear pleasure of feeling his body to yourself. You didn’t need to give him such satisfaction. Besides, he wasn’t your Dean.

He wasn’t your Dean, you had to remind yourself. What was pretty complicated considering how close you were, and how many wonderful memories were attached to similar situations.

‘’What? Cat got your tongue?’’ Dean smirked, moving his hips against yours. A weak moan left your lips. He grinned, leaning him to lick your neck with no scruples. ‘’Or demon did?’’ Although his voice remained harsh and deadly sexy, even his tune had changed. The way he laughed was treacherous, like everything about a demon was supposed to be. You should be scared. You should be mad. You should be anything but attracted to what once was your loving Dean. People didn’t see a demon and fantasize about getting in bed with them. They ran away and started searching for a religious solution to protect them. Right now, it seemed like you were praying to stay with the devil.

Deep down, it was him. There was a fragile, tiny voice in your mind that insisted for you to believe that. He was still your Dean, damaged as fuck, but the man you had loved for years. All your rationality told you to run away, to push him, scream at him until Sam woke up, just so you wouldn’t have a way near Dean again. You had been doing it with ease for three days, but it was only getting harder.

And this Dean made sure that your self control wasn’t the only thing getting harder. His clothed boner was still pressed against you. It grew more excited as he bit your neck, right on the sweet spot where most of his marks were left behind before.

You sniffled softly, which could be easily misunderstood by a low moan. He felt like your Dean. He looked like your Dean. He had your Dean’s memories. But he didn’t laugh like your Dean. He didn’t touch you like him, either. He was more assertive, certainly rougher. Even his mouth on your neck right now showed that. Still, he was too close. After months. He was here. Not quite the Dean you cried endless tears for, but it was enough for tonight.

You needed it. You needed Dean Winchester in whatever shape he would come. No one could point fingers at you for that; they didn’t know what it was like. He could not be your Dean, but he could love you like he did. And if that wasn't possible, he could fuck you like Dean used to.

Unseen tears rolled on your cheeks as you pushed him to the wall. You didn’t dare to make any further noise. It took Dean a second to understand what was going on, but an ill-natured smirk conquered his features when he did. He surely as hell had a good amount of memories on how you enjoyed sucking him off back then, as much as he loved eating you out for records. Your knees met your ground like a prayer’s would, but you weren’t looking for forgiveness. Pretty the opposite, you jumped right in the sin. There was no one, not even a higher power that could stop or help you now. You had crossed the line as you unzipped his pants and got rid of his jeans as fast as possible.

‘’You have no idea how much I missed your mouth, sweetheart.’’

When your lips touched the tip of his hardness, you didn’t feel any relief. It wasn’t a matter of just wanting to have sex with him. It was a necessity. Much like an addict getting another dose of the drug, there was no heavenly, rose-colored feeling. It was just a fulfilment of a need. You needed him, and who could blame you for that? After all you had been through, after fighting every instinct in your body to keep a safe distance, after seeing him die and come back only to lose him again. Maybe the Winchester was your perdition, like many people had told you before in a futile attempt to give friendly advice. Maybe you had achieved the limit or love had ultimately made you crazy.

Your body was shaking in abstinence as you finally put his trembling cock inside your mouth, not taking time to lick the drop of precum like you usually did to tease Dean before doing what he wished. His eyes were closed, head resting against the wall as he bit his lower lip. His precum was being cleaned up by your experienced tongue moving around his length. Your hand grabbed what wasn’t in your mouth yet, moving it up and down to make him more excited.

‘’Fuck, (Y/N). Do it, get all of me in that pretty little mouth of yours. You always loved it, didn’t you?’’ Dean’s groans were an evident desire for you to give him more, but, on your knees, it seemed like you were the one begging. Begging him to stay, to love you, to give you anything to hold on to. And if sex in the kitchen while Sam was sleeping and Castiel was doing an angelic version of rest was it, then so fucking be it.

You coughed a bit as you got more of his dick in your mouth, until your hand was completely replaced. You moaned against his cock when it hit the back of your throat. It only incentivized him even more. Dean’s hand finally found your hair, his fingers running through the (Y/H/C) sea as he asserted the rhythm. As you expected, he was fast, rough. Just what you needed.

After everything that happened to him, since the mark of Cain to his resurrection into a demon, you had been broken. And all your tiny, little pieces together were looking for him. Now, your mind was long gone, and all you knew was Dean Winchester. He was there. He was alive. He was with you again.

You sucked his cock, trying to follow his lead as much as you could without choking. Your tongue swirling around, up, and down his length. The grip on your hair tighter as he increased the pace, searching for his climax. Your pussy was a wet mess since you got on the ground for him, but you allowed your hand to slip into your panties and rub your clit as your mouth was fucked by Dean.

‘’Fuck, (Y/N). I’m coming. Will you be my good girl and swallow all of it?’’ Dean continued moving your head and his hips violently, your fingers caressing yourself as his cock bumped your throat carelessly. He was almost there, and so were you.

Your name left his lips in the form of a loud howl. It almost didn’t sound human. Well, it could always be the demon in him. His semen invaded your mouth as soon as your hands got dirty with your own climax, and all in your head was him, his name, the feeling that always accompanished his touches. You couldn't help but want him to keep close to you, a vivid reminder that he was there. He pulled away from you, and you almost whined, wanting to crawl closer to him. Fortunately, Dean didn’t plan on being apart from you for more than a few seconds, soon leaning forward to grab your jaw. The perfect angle for the refrigerator light to brighten his face. He looked at you through his lashes, indigo eyes dark with desire.

‘’Swallow all of it, (Y/N),” he commanded, as if you weren’t gonna do it anyway. You simply nodded, swallowing every single drop of his cum. That orgasm, though, didn’t feel as much like liberation as it should’ve. It felt like falling from grace. A sweet, tasty fall, but still. ‘’Open your mouth, let me see if you did as I told you. You always loved being my spicy, stubborn girl.’’ Dean pressed your jaw with his fingers. You opened your mouth for him, sticking your tongue out, only to gain a satisfied smile from the currently green-eyed man. ‘’What do we have here?’’ He grabbed your hand and pulled it closer to his lips, vivid eyes glaring at you as if he had caught a little kid doing something wrong. ‘’You were touching yourself, sweetheart? And came just from it and sucking me? How dirty.’’ Dangerously soft laughter echoed from his body but was soon ended when he licked your fingers, enjoying your taste. How he had missed you. ‘’Delicious, as always. You know what’s better? All of it just for me.’’

The refrigerator noises made the anthem for the moment you had sure you had lost your mind. What was done was done. Whatever it took, you couldn't lose him. Not again. You needed him.

254 notes · View notes

ariesrondeletia · 4 years ago

Note

Which yandere haikyuu characters do you think would end up kidnapping their s/o?

Art credit: ながる

Thank you so much for this request! I haven’t made a list before and this was so much fun to do. Because of that I got kind of carried away tho… If you want me to write another school team let me know, I’m more than happy to rant about these haicuties. Sorry, that’s cheesy but I love them.

I think almost every yandere has the potential to kidnap their darling if they’re pushed far enough. There’s a lot of reasons to kidnap a darling ranging from wanting to protect the darling to a desire to keep the darling all to themselves. That said, some yanderes are more likely to kidnap their darling than others. For this list, I’ll just go through Karasuno and rank them from least to most likely.

Yachi wouldn’t dream of locking her darling up. She’s undeserving of even the slightest glance. She could never bring herself to do anything that could potentially harm her darling. Plus, she doesn’t have a clue about how to kidnap her darling. The furthest she’ll go is sneaking into your room to watch you sleep and maybe grab that old t-shirt in the back of your closet. You can always feel her presence just over your shoulder but she’s good at hiding herself away before she could get caught. Honestly, it’ll take ages for her to gather the courage just to speak to you. And when she does, she can only stumble through a compliment. She’s so adorable that you’ll forgive her stranger habits, even though she leans in to smell your hair from time to time. She won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to and it’s because of that very kindness chances are you’ll become such a cute couple. With her doing her best to make you happy, you find yourself making more and more time for her. Just pray that you never stumble upon her twisted shrine. All in all a 1/10.

Asahi worships his darling and would never risk anything that could potentially make his darling hate him. He desperately wants to ensure the safety of his darling, but the thought of them being angry is too much to bear. He’s far more likely to try to persuade his darling to stay with him. It’ll start with him just suggesting the two of you becoming roommates to cut down on costs. From there he’ll push himself into your life, staying on the sidelines, but always nearby should you through any scrap of attention his way. He’s so needy and clingy, but he’s such a sweet guy. He’ll make you paranoid by subtlely pushing his anxieties off on you until you become just as afraid of the outside world as he is. It takes some convincing, but he’ll do everything he can to make you work from home. You’ll spend most of your time indoors. He’ll beg you to stay here any time you mention the outside world. But if you push wanting to go outside, he won’t stop you. He’ll trail you like a helpless puppy, but he won’t ever stop you from doing something you want to do. He also gets a 1/10.

For the most part, Yamaguchi is in the same vein as Asahi. The main difference is that Yamaguchi’s fears lie less with the outside world and more with you leaving him. He’s not used to being completely independent, it’s something he’s only beginning to learn throughout being on the team. He’s very dependent on you. Whenever you’re around he wants you to make every choice for him. He’ll ask about which shirt looks better on him, what kind of meals he should make, what kind of flowers he should plant, whether or not he should change his hair. He wants you to praise him at every turn. And he’s willing to go to any length to become your ideal man. Because he’s so dependent on you he’ll beg you to stay by his side. He simply can’t live without you and it’s so hard to say no to him. He’s a lot pushier than you’d expect. He’ll cling to you and cry if you try to leave. You can push him away and go despite his protests, but it won’t stop him from stalking you. I’d put him at a 2/10.

Suga seems like such a sweetheart, but he’ll do almost anything to keep his darling safe and happy. He’s already incredibly clever and when you combine that with his intense love for you it results in a very manipulative yandere. He’s not cruel about it, he merely wants to convince you that the two of you are perfect for one another. He adores you and that comes through with every gift he gives, every smile he sends your way, and with every compliment that is just so genuine, it makes your heart soar. What you don’t know is that he’s spent hours watching you in order to ensure that he can give you the perfect gift and know the exact compliment to quell your anxieties. It’s painstaking work but it’s worth it if it means you’ll stay with him. When he asks you out you won’t hesitate. Your relationship is the best you’ve ever had, at least from the perspective you have. Suga’s good at keeping all of his less desirable tendencies out of sight. But now that he knows every need, every insecurity, every desire, and every thought that goes through your head, he’ll have no trouble finding the right words to keep you away from the world. He’s so subtle about it you’ll forget why you even wanted to go outside. There’s nothing for you there, he’s all you need. He gets a 4/10.

Kiyoko believes that she knows what’s best for her darling. She’s spent most of her highschool life subtly mentoring a team of volleyball players. At this point, she’s so used to people looking up to her that she’s shocked to find someone more perfect than she is. Even if no one else can tell, she knows what a catch you are. She’s so sweet as she babies you. She’ll act like an older sister type, always watching over you. She’s there to help you with your homework, so kindly fixing your mistakes. You can come to her for advice anytime you need. It won’t be long before she gets more and more controlling. She’ll pick out your clothes for you and she’ll cook healthy meals for you. It feels like she’s just a loving girlfriend taking care of you, but in reality, she’s making you dependent on her. Soon you’ll be coming to her for every little problem you have, not realizing how helpless you are without her. If you try to leave, you’ll find life to be significantly harder without her. As soon as you face any challenge Kiyoko will appear by your side, showing you how much easier life could be if you’d just let her love you. Matching Suga, she gets a 4/10.

Right in the middle, we have Ennoshita. He’s used to being left in the background to make room for other, more passionate players, which makes it very easy to fly under your radar. He’s always around you, hovering on the outskirts of your gaze until he can build up your trust in him. You’ll get used to him being by your side for a while. And then things will start to get uncomfortable. He’ll hang around you much longer than he should, coming over to your house to study, only to stay despite the fact that the two of you are done studying. He’ll go through your stuff in a casual way, as though everything is totally normal. The comments he makes about your room and the things you own are… off-putting. It’s like he already knows everything about you. He brushes it off as he just knows you well but there’s this one-sided intimacy. He doesn’t do anything, not really. And yet, you feel trapped. He won’t physically kidnap you. He doesn’t say anything cruel. It’s just the atmosphere, though there’s no evidence to suggest otherwise, you know you can’t escape. Dead center, 5/10.

Tanaka is a unique blend of a worshipper and a possessive. He reveres you as a god. He expects you to hate him, most women do, but that won’t phase him in the slightest. He can take your hatred, he’ll relish in anything you give him. He’ll let you curse out his name or kick him to the ground if it’ll bring a cruel smile to your face. But that doesn’t mean he’ll let you do whatever you please. He doesn’t want anyone else to dirty his precious darling, so he’ll keep you separated from anyone that isn’t him. He knows how disgusting people can be and he views it as his life’s mission to protect you from them. Everyone is a potential threat. And you’re just too kind, too forgiving, he has to step up. He can keep you away from those perverts while still basking in your presence. Of course, if you want to it’s easy to escape. Tanaka will inevitably make more than a few mistakes. The only thing is, he’ll work terrifyingly hard to find you. What he lacks in intelligence he makes up with pure determination. When he finds you he’ll take you back to your shared home, carrying you so gently despite how much you thrash and fight and struggle. He’ll apologize as soon as the two of you are home together. Was he not good enough? He’ll be better, spending every free second by your side. He leans to a 6/10.

Noya is insane. There’s really no other way to put it. The most perverse out of all of them, he’s practically drooling at the chance to be by your side. He has such little relationship experience it takes 0.5 seconds for him to be head over heels. He’s also the clingiest one on this list, if you stray from his side for an instant he’s immediately panicking and calling the cops. He’s basically a needy puppy, glued to your hip and begging for attention. He’ll do anything to please you, he’ll learn to cook, show off his volleyball skills, listen to every word you say. He’ll conform himself to being your perfect husband. If you praise him, do it sparingly. If he receives praise too often he’ll become more deluded and push past your limits more and more. You didn’t want him to lock you up? But he’s been such a good boyfriend, you’ll let it slide, won’t you? You said he was a perfect match for you and you can’t go back on your word. Going to the opposite side and being cold makes him more desperate for praise. To finally get you to notice him becomes a goal and he will achieve it, even if he has to chain you to the bed. He gets so jealous it won’t take long for him to be the only person you’ll ever see. 7/10.

Daichi just wants you to be safe. This world can be so cruel and he can’t bear the thought of you getting your heart broken. You’re too sweet to be working so hard, just let him take care of you. All you have to do is sit at home patiently. Don’t talk to your friends, they might seem nice but Dachi knows that they’re all wicked. Trying to lay their hands on you and abuse a gentle soul like yours. He can’t let that happen. He’s the only one you need. The only one you can trust. Everyone else would use you as a stepping stone, but not him. He loves you. You just have to obey and your life is set. The two of you will be married after high school finishes. He’ll go on to college and you’ll be a house spouse. Once he gets a job, you’ll be dependent on him for a steady income, it seems every company you apply to turns you down. Complaints you have about your monetary vulnerability seems to upset your loving boyfriend. Why would you need a job? You have him. Every little thing you don’t like gets shot down by him. No friends, no family, no jobs, no freedom. He’s just trying to protect you, why would you ever want to leave? He sits at an 8/10.

Tsukishima loves the power he has over you. He’s smarter, stronger, more attractive and he’ll spend every second rubbing it in your face. He’ll taunt you, but if you show a negative reaction to his words it’ll make him awkward. If you cry or yell, he’ll be stunned for a second. He feels like it’s right for him to jeer at you, but if you do the same, his love for you will result in him crumbling. He puts on a facade of cruelty because he hates feeling powerless and his love for you is power too strong to be acknowledged. Yell at him, scream, cry, and he’ll snap like a twig. When he’s upset, he’ll isolate you, trying to separate himself from the fact he really does care, but can’t ever show it. He wants control. To feel like he isn’t addicted to the feel of your skin, the taste of your lips, the reflection of himself in your eyes. He’ll kidnap you and is smart enough to get away with it. He’s not kind to you, chains are forever around your ankles and his room becomes your hell. But there are moments of softness, though rare, where he’ll give you a gift or compliment you like he’s trying to gain your affection. Make a comment about it and he’ll have no qualms about abandoning you for a few days. Be unfailingly kind and act as he wants, and maybe he’ll be gentle, but he will never ever let you go. I place him at a 9/10.

If you’re looking for someone completely delusional, Hinata is the one for you. He’ll believe that the two of you are made for each other and no amount of protesting can ever change his mind. He’s basically a lost cause as soon as he meets you. You’ll engulf his every thought, the same fixation he had on volleyball now focused on you. You’ll have almost no free time once the two of you start ‘dating’ but you’ll have no problems with it because you clearly love him as much as he loves you. And perfect couples should live together, of course. The two of you are so happy together, he can’t stop talking about how great you are. It’s such a lovely mask that he can’t ever look past it to see how you really feel. He’ll do anything to keep his idyllic vision. If you tell him you hate him, he’ll say that he just hasn’t been giving you enough love and will increase his clinginess tenfold. If you try to run away, he’ll say that you needed a breath of fresh air. The two of you can go on a walk together, as long as you’re handcuffed to him. Sometimes you need to be tied to the bed because your ridiculous temper tantrum is getting in the way of hugging you. For better or worse, the two of you will be together forever. 10/10.

Kageyama is one of the few people that can match Hinata’s obsessiveness. He’s been attached to volleyball all his life so it basically gave him whiplash when he met you. It was a cheesy love at first sight situation, but Kageyama never knew how to love. His love is unfortunately vicious. His love letters are scribbled and unintentionally threatening. His gifts are strange and sometimes bloody. His touch is rough. He’s trying so hard, but can’t seem to find the words to tell you how much he loves you. It doesn’t take him long to get jealous, the more afraid you are the more you run to somebody who isn’t him. He unlearns all the lessons his team has painstakingly taught him and suddenly he can’t get along with others. He’s practically hissing at anyone who comes near you. A glare from him cuts through bone. Your friends will stop being your friends when he pays a visit. He’s always been good at volleyball, great even, but he can’t do a damn thing to earn your heart. So he just takes it. Regardless of how you feel, he’ll have you trapped in someplace secluded where he can practice being a better boyfriend. He loves you and you should love him too. Even if it takes time, he’s sure you’ll come around. He’s the only one you’ve got after all. Another 10/10.

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babiesdreams · 4 years ago

Text

Superhuman +18 Chapter 1

Warnings: Violence, mentions of blood, smoking, mentions of suicide, gore(?.

Renjun’s story:

She came to me when I was just sixteen. I knew something was wrong with me since a long time ago, but her presence made it worse. She always makes feelings much more intense and pure... It’s really hard to leave feelings aside.

You know my... powers are related to feelings, the purest feelings are the strongest power source. I’m basically a generator. Anger and sadness are usually the best ones.

I finally got out of my home, I was gonna start a new life, a new stable and normal life. For once I wouldn’t be judged for being too shy, or not letting my feelings in, or for being “a psychopath”

But then she passed by, offered me a cigarrette and whispered how she knew everything. I felt like my whole life plan ended right there, but she was right. If I simply ignore my abilities I’m only making it worse, I had to learn more about them, and use them in my own advantage. I needed to know how to properly control it before getting into another messy life, before hurting anyone else, so she was a savior at the time.

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“You have to meet them” 972 shouted at me. “I don’t want to, we can just go as a duo” I screamed back. “Huang Renjun, your anger levels aren’t under control, please relax, or I’ll have to call security”

“I don’t want others to get involved with me” A soft wave moves the air around me, as I start getting more and more angry. “You know what happened”

“Huang Renjun, control yourself or I might take action” 972 kept her angry tone, making it worse. “Let me go alone on the mission” My eyes fire up with anger, feeling how my power grows inside of me. “Stop. Now” She demands, making everything worse.

A big explosive wave brushes the whole place, destroying everything on its way. I fall on my knees, crying for what I just did. “I can’t have a team, I’m a monster, I’ll fuck everything up” I shout with a broken voice tone. For a moment I thought she was dead, but then her voice sounded in the distance.

“We all are monsters here” Her voice whispers as her hand rests on my shoulder. “We... all... are” She whispers with a sad tone.

Shotaro’s story:

Since I was born, the weather changed along with my mood, if I cried, it would start raining. If I was angry, it would turn into a thunderstorm. I think you get it. The thing is that at first I was quite good at controlling my mood, but growing up made it harder and harder, to a point that I couldn’t control anything about it. I got scared of feeling, and isolated myself for months, but that only made it worse.

When I got in here, I wanted to learn how to destroy my powers, ended up knowing how to control them. Now it’s not at all linked to emotions, more like I have full control over the weather, I can change it as I want.

I was known for being the best at controlling my powers and even if they’re not the most powerful ones I think my ability to control them made me stronger, that’s how I ended up being the leader.

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“Guys you need to practice more” I say calmly. “Why would we practice? we are quite strong” Jisung says, not taking his eyes off the screen as he plays some stupid videogame. “It doesn’t matter how strong you are if you can’t control it” I say calmly, trying to make them understand. “You’re just jealous of our powers” Jaemin spits out, taking another chip into his mouth.

“You all are bombs, uncontrollable bombs, that’s not useful at all. Sure you’re powerful, but you’re basically dangerous for everyone” I say with a more serious tone. “Should I make him think we are training?” Chenle asks to the rest. “I heard you” I tell him.

But all the mess calms down when Renjun stands up. “Let’s go train, he’s right” He says with a serious voice and everyone follows. I sigh, feeling useless in comparison to his natural leader abilities, but yet glad that he helped me with it.

Jaemin’s story: healing body (His fluids heal any harm)

I realized when I was a kid, I used to cry whenever I got hurt and then everything was fine. It got more intense when I kinda saved my mother.

I was holding her hand, focused on the beats produced by some machine. The sudden beep, made me anxious. I didn’t really know what to do, I panicked and started crying and when I realized she was fine again.

With time and some exploring I realized it wasn’t only my tears that healed people, but all my fluids. Someone could be dying and if I licked his hand, they’d be completely fine. It feels like a lot of responsability tho, you never know the story behind someone dying.

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The agonizing man starts choking on his own blood, trying to breath, yet unable to do so. I roll his body, getting him to rest on one side, to stop him from choking. I take his bloody hand and lick his index finger.

Seconds later, the blood stops coming out from his mouth, and the cuts on the man’s stomach dissappear. “What did you do?” He says with a low voice tone. I look at him challenging, sometimes people really are ungrateful. “I just saved your life” I reply, proud of myself.

“Nobody asked you to do so” He shouts at me. “S-sir, I saved your life” I say stuttering. “They are gonna get my family if I don’t die you idiot” He shouts at me. I step back, scared of his words, letting tears fall down my cheeks. “I-I didn’t, I didn’t know that”

That’s where I discovered that saving a life sometimes mean killing others. Butterfly effect. Maybe someday I could have saved a serial killer and then how many deaths would I be responsible for? I needed to learn that I can’t save everyone and sometimes I need to let people die.

Jeno’s story:

I was an average student when I found out. Well actually I was a pretty stupid teenager. Classes were boring so I just went around with my friends, play games, and live life I guess. One day I saw soe students bullying a transfered kid, and I got into the fight.

I have always been pretty strong, so fights were an easy task for me. However those kids were much older than me, and I was alone. So they basically beated me up, until I did it. I don’t even know how I did it, I was just angry.

Trash from bins started floating, making people concern as to what was happening. I’ve heard my eyes turn red whenever I use my abilities so that might have helped to make them fear me. But after that day I became the school’s king.

Being at that place I started to hating my powers. I just wanted to feel normal, to be normal. But I guess that’s something none of us can really achieve. So I just kept training my brain and try to be better.

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“Get out of the way” I say to Jaemin. The scared boy gets behind me, making me feel his shaking hands on my back. “So you want to die sir?” I say, looking at him with a fierce look. The man nodded, so sure of his decision, and I smiled at him.

“Have a nice trip” I say, while concentrating on the knife resting on the floor a few meters away. I held the knife mentally in front of him, pointing at his neck. “Do it” He says, crying desperately. “Look away” I whisper to Jaemin, before tearing his throat open. My figure gets covered by the man’s blood, while he dies slowly in front of my eyes.

I throw the knife a few meters away, still not touching it for a split second. “It’s done” I say lowly, turning around to face Jaemin. My bloody hands hold his face, trying to calm him down. My fingers clean his tears, replacing them with blood. “It’s fine” I whisper, letting him hug me tightly.

The bloody scenario felt specially creepy under the moonlight, so I understand how Jaemin felt so guilty about everything. Still, he needed to grow up for future missions.

Jisung’s story:

I remember looking up to superheroes like Spiderman or Hulk, or Superman. But being super strong isn’t exactly the best. Plus people don’t trust me when I say I’m strong. Of course, I tried to hide it, since all heroes in movies do that. But, it felt wrong somehow... Letting people take advantage of weaker people. Even letting people take advantage of me.

So I decided to go anonymously, that way nobody would know who I was. But, again, nobody took me seriously. My family was also not doing so good, so I got into some illegal businesses.

A guy decided to trust me and I started getting into street fights. I won money thanks to people’s bets. It wasn’t the best job, but at least I had something, and I stayed anonymous so they couldn’t interfere in my normal life.

However I started to get tired of it and I stopped going there. I didn’t expect them to find me so fast.

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“We had a contract” The old man says. I couldn’t stop trembling from fear. “Put the gun away” A woman’s voice says from behing the old man. He turns around, to find out how his bodyguards were already dead on the floor.

The gun the man was holding started melting in his hand. “W-what are you?” He asked stuttering. The girl chuckled, and inmediately after a hole appeared where the man was standing, making him fall. His fingers held the floor, to stop himself from falling helplessly.

“Hi, Park Jisung , I’m 972, I would like to recruit you into our team. What do you say?” Her eyes were fiercer than any eyes that ever looked at me, kinda hypnoticing. The grunts of the old man resonated all over the room, but they eventually stopped when she stepped on his fingers, breaking them with her heels. The fall was slow and long, ending with a disgusting sound, as the old man reached the floor somewhere at the bottom of the hole.

“I’m interested” I finally say, shaking the smiling girl’s hand.

Chenle’s story:

Changing people’s percception is so funny. I can literally get away from every situation. I’ve never got punished for anything at all. Plus I can do whatever I want, no limits, no judgements.

Sure, sometimes I don’t quite control what they are seeing instead of what I’m doing, like that time I was borrowing some clothes from a shop and people were seeing me pee on the clothes. I got arrested anyway. But I know how to use my power, that’s why I think training is stupid.

We are basically gods, our powers’ limits are barely there, so let’s just have fun right? right?

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“Let jun take care of this” 972 says, making all of us stay aside. I turn to look at Jaemin and Jisung, changing their perception so that they would see everything going fine, but I looked.

A loud sound scared all of us, and the buildings around the zone he was in started falling apart, getting reduced to ashes. People’s screams were really horrifying, something I will never be able to forget. And a loud growl from Renjun followed, filling the air with anger. “W-what happened?” Jaemin asked confused.

“You have some work to do hyung” I told him, letting him finally see what really happened. He fell on his knees seeing all the victims from Jun’s powers. “You think you can do it?” I ask him doubting the limits of his abilities.

“I can” His voice was shaky but I trusted 972′s plan. “Zhong Chenle get the living victims and make them think nothing happened. I’ll get the buildings back to normal. Lee Jeno, find the enemy’s body and bring it here. Remember, no fingertips on anything. Osaki Shotaro and Jung Sungchan get Na Jaemin to the victims. Park Jisung, you stay here in case I need protection” She ordered, while the buildings started getting back to normal.

“On our way” We all shouted at the same time. It was something chaotic, but it worked out. “Now I’m gonna get an agent from unit V. Thanks for your collaboration, Unit D. You can all go now”

Missions are always like that, cold-hearted and all about “Getting the job done”

Sungchan’s story:

I touched my grandma’s old clock. And I saw my grandfather, when he was younger, fighting in war, leaving home, giving her the clock. Everything happened in front of my eyes so fastly, I couldn’t really...

It took me a really long time to really get used to it. And when I did I hated the feeling. I wore gloves everywhere, so that I wouldn’t touch nothing directly. But avoiding it made it worse. Much worse. Because when it happened accidentally I could see more than what I normally would have.

The thing is that I thought my powers were more of an inconvenience than something useful. Until my father got that complicated case about a “Suicide” I touched the letter she wrote, and the chair he got over to hang herself up. Except it didn’t happen like that.

Someone else wrote the letter and she was forced to stand on the chair that the man kicked, making her die instantly. I told my father my theory, and they got enough proof to take the responsible man. That’s when I felt like a hero. I thought I found my future profession as a detective.

I read all Sherlock Holmes books, idolizing what he did, wanting to be just like him, and now I have my chance.

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I touched her face, and I saw everything she went through, who she really was.

“Jung Sungchan, we talked about this didn’t we?” She says calmly. I nod, recalling her words about not touching her, probably to avoid me knowing her secrets. “We all have secrets here, we need to help each other okay?” I nod once again, and watch as her figure gets lost in the distance, still trying to process the information.

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woulddieforperrytheplatypus · 4 years ago

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I would like to call shenanigans about the complaints of Phineas being "out-of-character" in the specials and movies. He's a kid! And human! It makes his character more interesting and three-dimensional! He's allowed to be sad or mad when he's out of his comfort zone! I mean, everyone else is allowed to have a wide range of emotions, and it makes it all the more satisfying when he manages to pull through and go back to being his usual positive self

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

I’m about to get real salty for a second (not at the show tho I’m getting salty at people who get salty at the show) so here’s a cut

Nothing annoys me more than people who think Phineas had no reason to get upset in at2d. Literally one of the last things 2D Doof said to him before Perry revealed that he was a secret agent was, and I quote, “You really think that he’s your pet, don’t you? WRONG! He’s using you! He’s just your cover!” Of course he was going to internalize that!

And that’s not just speculation, either. As soon as they get a moment to talk without the constant fear of, you know, getting arrested by an evil dictator’s robots, Phineas straight up asks him, “Was that evil guy right? Were we just a cover for you? Were you ever really our pet, or part of our family?” AND THEN HE HAS THE AUDACITY TO BREAK MY HEART BY FOLLOWING THAT UP WITH “Well, apparently not, because you didn’t trust us enough to tell us!” Like? 2D Doof’s words overshadowed the entire reveal. Of course that was going to impact how Phineas reacted to it, and it blows my mind that people think he should have just accepted it with a smile like nothing happened.

And that’s not even getting into the fact that Perry got them into that mess in the first place. I don’t even think I can say it better than Phineas so I’m gonna use another quote from the movie because I am apparently writing an actual angry essay right now with evidence from the text movie lmao. When they’re still at DEI and Heinz clarifies that he’s an evil scientist, Phineas turns on Perry and says, “You just sat there and let us help an evil scientist open an evil portal into an evil dimension, and you did nothing to stop us?” (With, of course, the caveat that yes, Perry peed on the couch, but “That wasn’t enough!”)

~~ taking a brief break from angry ranting in the middle of the night to add that I definitely don’t think Perry was in the wrong here. I’ve just spent a lot of time thinking about at2d because a) I’ve seen it so many times and practically have it memorized (thus why I threw in all these quotes off the top of my head lol) and b) I’m writing a fic where Perry can talk (it’s Bitch Shut The Fuck Up on Wattpad and AO3 if anyone’s in the mood for sassy, swearing Perry) and I’m going to start incorporating episodes once summer starts in the fic so I lowkey spent most of my nights in bed thinking about what Perry’s going to say and how it would change things if he could explain himself and would he even try to or would he let the kids think he betrayed them if he thought it would keep them safe so anyways I have a lot of feelings but tl:dr Phineas has ever reason to be upset and I don’t blame him and neither should you ~~

And then, of course, there’s the Marvel crossover and, like, he was right? He was 100% right? Candace was too star struck to help, and it was too important for them to take any risks. And you make a really good point with your comment about being out of his comfort zone. I don’t think there’s ever a time that Phineas is more out of his league than in the Marvel crossover. He really is just a kid, and he only got roped into this because he just happened to put his space station in the wrong place at the wrong time and the Avengers made the wrong assumptions. The fate of the entire world depended on them, and when Candace repeatedly messed things up, Phineas had every right to be upset -- and the fact that he was undoubtedly really stressed out because, again, the fate of the entire world, only gives him more of a reason to snap. It’s not out of character; his character had just never dealt with anything like that before.

I mean, of course, there’s Phineas and Ferb Save Summer, which I think was a more mild example of Phineas getting angry, but it’s similar enough to the Marvel crossover that I feel like I need to bring it up, if only to point out the differences. In the Marvel crossover, the world was actively being threatened by a group of actual supervillains. In PnF Save Summer, technically LOVEMUFFIN is also threatening the safety of the world by trying to plunge it into an eternal ice age, but Phineas doesn’t know that which is half the fun of the episode. Like, they don’t know why they can’t move the planet back into place, just like LOVEMUFFIN doesn’t know why they can’t move it further away.

That’s not really the point here, though; that’s just me having unnecessary opinions on everything. I don’t really view this one as Phineas snapping, but Buford does make that joke about how it must be a special episode because Phineas is yelling at his sister again so I’m guessing there are probably people who think it’s ooc which means naturally I gotta bring it up (and, of course, I wanted to reference the meta joke because I love it).

Phineas built those thrusters. He knows how they work better than probably anyone but Ferb. When Candace says she’s going to overwork them, of course Phineas is going to tell her not to, and he’s going to be urgent about it, but he doesn’t yell. And when Candace accidentally ruins the thrusters, Phineas doesn’t yell at her then, either; he just tells her how to fix it (and, when she’s too scared to go into the attic, his hologram is there to cheer her on). It’s just? So? Wholesome? And “wholesome” is basically Phineas’s entire character, so that fits really well.

And the only other one I can think of off the top of my head is Summer Belongs To You (and it’s entirely possible he’s supposedly “out of character’ in other specials too but it’s 11:20 at night and my brain is fried lmao). “Get on the trike!” is literally one the most iconic lines in the show. Even Dan said it’s one of his favorites because it wasn’t necessarily a funny line, it was funny because it was Phineas saying it, and the fact that so many people remembered it was that it seemed so out-of-place coming from Phineas, which meant they had developed the character well (and if anyone happens to have the video -- I think it might have been an old tiktok but there have been way too many for me to look through -- hmu bc it was such a pure moment). But tbh even though the yelling was “out of character” in the sense that it made for a good joke, I don’t think his actions were out of character at all? Phineas sets crazy goals all the time, and he always achieves them. They’d put so much work into it so far, and he wasn’t going to let it go to waste when the end game was right there. He was exhausted, presumably both physically and mentally (I mean, we didn’t see him sleep at all, you know?) and he wanted to get home and he wanted to accomplish his goal and he wanted to do it as a family (because 🎵 friends are also family 🎵) and he wasn’t going to let Candace ruin that, which I personally think is adorable because technically Candace was never even part of the bet and she didn’t have to make it home with them for them to win so Phineas easily could have ditched her and made her find her own way home but he wanted her to see it through with them and I just have a lot of feelings 😭

OKAY last paragraph because I know no one really cares and it’s getting late and I have an 8:30 class tomorrow and should probably be in bed by now. I also like the point you made about how that makes it more satisfying when he manages to pull through and go back to being his usual positive self. I don’t know if anyone considers it out of character given that it’s really supposed to be a powerful moment purely because it’s so out of the ordinary (although I guess I could say the same for all these scenes) but god, when Phineas breaks down on the island in Summer Belongs To You, it’s such a testament to his character because he had managed to push through so much because he was determined to get home but it also proves that he does have a breaking point. I mean, we see it in all the other scenes, too, but those are directed at people. This is purely situational, which I think hits harder and it’s why that was the first one I thought of when you mentioned pushing through. All these scenes are a testament to his character, really, and basically the moral of the story is that I completely agree with you, Phineas deserves to have his character explored as much as Candace and Heinz have theirs explored, and that I clearly have way too many opinions and should really learn to tone it down fjksdhfjka

#pnf #phineas flynn #across the 2nd dimension #at2d #phineas and ferb: mission marvel #mission marvel #marvel crossover #phineas and ferb save summer #pnf save summer #summer belongs to you #all these tags and i still know that it won't show up if i ever try to find it lmao #look i have an ask

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the-beskar-alchemist · 4 years ago

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Here we go again with my recap ramblings! Had to do a bit of nip/tuck for this one, it’s a bit lengthy.

My opinions, as I've stated before, are based on my limited knowledge of the Star Wars universe. I have NOT seen anything outside of the movie franchise, so please bear with me...

- First off I would like to express my appreciation for this episode going balls-to-the-wall with Ashoka, instead of spending an unnecessary amount of time working towards her introduction. Considering we spent two episodes just GETTING to her, the fact that it was like "BAM! There she is!" was very refreshing.

- Also I would like to thank Filoni for establishing her badassery UP FRONT, instead of having her do some sort of "Surprise! These are my special skills!" maneuver. The concept hit home on the first try, and it hit HARD.

- I know people are iffy with Rosario Dawson (I'm not that caught up on her to know the details myself), but she does bring a certain......presence, I guess......to this episode, but just as the character, not really HER specifically. She seems more powerful when she's silent, versus when she speaks, her portrayal of the dialogue seems kinda monotone for my taste honestly. (I think it's worth mentioning that, while I understand people wish for Ashley, it would involve "black face" makeup on some levels to achieve Ashoka's skin-tone, I don't think it would've worked, no matter how skilled the makeup artists are)

- The ghastly forest makes me think of the lighting technique they used for The Half Blood Prince film

- As I've said, I have not seen the Clone Wars series, so I'm not familiar with Ashoka's animated fighting techniques, but I do love how practical she is with the lightsabers in a dark setting, turning them off to avoid too much attention, and only turning them back on right when she's ready to attack to really take her enemies off guard

- Din narrating to the baby has me in my feels a bit, this dude is really going through the motions isn't he? He's trying so hard to keep it together, acting like he's fine that his whole world is about to change in a way he's not fully prepared to handle.

- Can we take a moment to discuss how observant the baby is? He may not know about circuitry to help with ship maintenance, but he has the wherewithal to know when he's headed to a place that's potentially harmful. Episode 7 in season 1, when Din mentions going back to Nevarro? The baby immediately tries to adjust the ships trajectory to avoid going to a place of which his only memories consist of him being experimented on and possibly almost killed. And NOW? Now he recognizes that the name of the planet Din is taking him to will be where they separate, so OF COURSE his first instinct is to, not only avoid leaving Din's side at the pilot's seat, but to also seek out one of the few tangible objects that brings him comfort: THE METAL BALL FROM THE LEVER........baby boi is so smart, we do not give him enough credit

- Baby REALLY didn't want to leave his papa.......also DIN LET HIM KEEP THE BALL PLS

- Din walking through the town reminded me of the Two Towers when the party arrived at Rohan and Gimli was like "You'll find more cheer in a graveyard"

- I have to wonder what was going through Din's mind upon seeing the prisoners in the electric cages. I'm sure he was disgusted, but everything presented in this series is VERY deliberate, ergo Din was meant to see this to IMMEDIATELY establish that this magistrate was someone he wouldn't want to be allied with, a feat that could've been established with the intro into the town alone, but it seems that the best way to really drive home just how terrible these people are is voyeurism.

- The town versus inside the magistrates gated home? Night and day. The contrast is intriguing, how "dead" the town looks but inside the second gate there's life, somewhat flourishing.

- If Din KNEW that the magistrate was referring to Ashoka, than he basically tricked her into helping him find her under the guise of making a deal. If not, than he figured it out during their first fight upon seeing how she maneuvered around him. Either way, we stan one smart cookie.

- Lang reminds me of Number Two from the Austin Powers series

- BATU BATU BATU BATU

- I love the fact that Din is including the baby in his bounty hunting process, not just telling him they've reached the coordinates, but also letting him know to start looking, IT'S BRING YOUR SON TO WORK DAY......(but like EVERYday for him tho.....)

- Okay but like LOGICALLY I KNEW THAT BESKAR CANNOT BE DAMAGED BY A LIGHTSABER BUT MY HEART STOPPED FOR A SECOND

- DIN PACING LIKE A NERVOUS DAD IN THE DOCTORS OFFICE, POOR BABY

- I have to wonder how the baby "talks" via the Force, is it full "sentences"? Clipped "sentences"? Or is it kinda like Renesmee from Twilight where she "inserted" visuals into another person's head? I know they can "feel" each other's thoughts, but I've always wondered exactly HOW they "feel" them...

- I understand people are a little put-off by the lekku, and that cosplayers have done it "better", but we have to remember that cosplayers aren't doing (multiple) fight scenes, the head-piece has to be practical in its design, as well as authentic. There are stunt-doubles, and having to create multiple versions that not only can withstand constant movement, but also won't break easily. Not to mention when you try to do a live-action based off an animated series, it almost ALWAYS looks "wrong" on some levels (live-action anime? it's awkward af, no matter how hard you try...)

- About the Grogu controversy: I'm on the fence, but will most likely come to love/appreciate the name. Is it within the realm of what I was expecting? Nope. Is it possible that we are ALL projecting our own ideas of what name the baby "should" have had, so much so that almost ANY name they would've given him would've sounded "wrong"? VERY distinctive possibility......this is Star Wars after all, names are meant to sound "weird". Grogu sounds like a Star Wars kind of name, in fact it's kinda fitting for a species that looks reptilian-ish

- THE BABY HEARING DIN SAY HIS NAME FOR THE FIRST TIME, THE WHIPLASH IN THAT HEAD-TURN, BUT LIKE.....I love the slight parallels to Grogu's and Din's name-arc: They both went DECADES without hearing their own names, and the reveal's are so contrasting, Din hears his name during a time when he's in danger, the baby hears his while having a heart-to-heart. I'm curious about how Din was feeling in this moment, thinking about how long Grogu must've gone without hearing his own name, and how Din longs to have someone say HIS name with an almost reverent tone

- YODA NAME-DROP.....but also Grogu looked at Ashoka when she said the name, I wonder if he knew Yoda

- Some people have mentioned Ashoka's lekku not being long enough for her age, I'm wondering if they compensated with the "wrinkles" in it? Can lekku have wrinkles?

- Grogu trying to be good for his papa, but also NOT wanting to use his powers because he KNOWS it would mean that papa has to leave him (and Din's little head tilt to get him to cooperate) I JUST....I CAN'T

- Ashoka telling Din to connect with Grogu, and Din shifting around all like "LOOK ITS BAD ENOUGH I HAVE TO LEAVE MY SON WITH YOU, CAN YOU NOT MAKE THIS HARDER FOR ME???"

- FATHER AND SON GAME OF CATCH AND DIN'S EXCITEMENT WHEN GROGU CAUGHT THE METAL BALL, MY OVARIES CANNOT TAKE THIS MUCH FLUFF

- Subtle Anakin reference, given what happened to the younglings after he went dark, it's a good thing Grogu was taken.......but by WHO???

- Din calling the lightsabers "laser swords" and Ashoka's little grin like, she WANTED to correct him, but she was enjoying Din's dorkyness???

- Din trusted her enough to let her borrow his pauldron??? I HAD A MOMENT

- DIN GUNSLINGER DJARIN

- Did my eyes fucking DECEIVE ME?? DID ASHOKA CUT THE SPEAR IN HALF????? Like this is the second time I'm watching this, the first time I noticed it I was like "No fucking WAY", but I'm seeing it AGAIN, IT WASN'T A TRICK OF THE EYE....so beskar is only lightsaber RESISTANT??

- Lang vs Din was like Johnny Ringo vs Doc Holliday, "You're no daisy!"

- More name-dropping. Did Ashoka kill Elsbeth? They never show her after the exchange.

- Din could've jetpacked his way back to the ship, but chose to walk instead. The way he avoids actually waking up Grogu at first, holding him for a bit, then taking the time to get him ready. Din baby who are you fooling? You're not ready, and you never will be.

- DIN STICKING HIS FINGERS OUT TO LET GROGU HOLD HIS HAND

- Ashoka knows okay?? She KNOWS that Din and Grogu are meant to stay together

- Din calling out Ashoka for trying to weasel out of the deal vs calling out Bo-Katan for changing the deal: No malice in his voice, he barely put up a fight, then sounded relieved after she gave him an alternative, one that could lead to the baby deciding NOT to become like the Jedi and instead choosing to remain with this buir

#din djarin #mando #mandalorian #the mandalorian #the mandalorian series #the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian series spoilers #the mandalorian s2 #the mandalorian series 2 #chapter 13 #the jedi #ashoka tano #baby yoda #yodito #grogu #yodito jose djarin

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aaknopf · 5 years ago

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Today we present a preview of a major new biography of Sylvia Plath, Red Comet, coming this fall. Through committed investigative scholarship, Heather Clark is able to offer the most extensively researched and nuanced view yet of a poet whose influence grows with each new generation of readers. Clark is the first biographer to draw upon all of Plath's surviving letters, including fourteen newly discovered letters Plath sent to her psychiatrist in 1961-63, and to draw extensively on her unpublished diaries, calendars, and poetry manuscripts. She is also the first to have had full, unfettered access to Ted Hughes's unpublished diaries and poetry manuscripts, allowing her to present a balanced and humane view of this remarkable creative marriage (and its unravelling) from both sides. She is able to present significant new findings about Plath's whereabouts and her state of health on the weekend leading up to her death. With these and many other "firsts," Clark's approach to Plath is to chart the course of this brilliant poet's development, highlighting her literary and intellectual growth rather than her undoing. Here, we offer a passage from Clark's prologue to the biography, followed by lines from one of Plath's celebrated "bee poems."

from Red Comet: The Short Life and Blazing Art of Sylvia Plath

The Oxford professor Hermione Lee, Virginia Woolf’s biographer, has written, “Women writers whose lives involved abuse, mental-illness, self-harm, suicide, have often been treated, biographically, as victims or psychological case-histories first and as professional writers second.” This is especially true of Sylvia Plath, who has become cultural shorthand for female hysteria. When we see a female character reading The Bell Jar in a movie, we know she will make trouble. As the critic Maggie Nelson reminds us, “to be called the Sylvia Plath of anything is a bad thing.” Nelson reminds us, too, that a woman who explores depression in her art isn’t perceived as “a shamanistic voyager to the dark side, but a ‘madwoman in the attic,’ an abject spectacle.” Perhaps this is why Woody Allen teased Diane Keaton for reading Plath’s seminal collection Ariel in Annie Hall. Or why, in the 1980s, a prominent reviewer cracked his favorite Plath joke as he reviewed Plath’s Pulitzer Prize–winning Collected Poems: “ ‘Why did SP cross the road?’ ‘To be struck by an oncoming vehicle.’ ” Male writers who kill themselves are rarely subject to such black humor: there are no dinner-party jokes about David Foster Wallace.

Since her suicide in 1963, Sylvia Plath has become a paradoxical symbol of female power and helplessness whose life has been subsumed by her afterlife. Caught in the limbo between icon and cliché, she has been mythologized and pathologized in movies, television, and biographies as a high priestess of poetry, obsessed with death. These distortions gained momentum in the 1960s when Ariel was published. Most reviewers didn’t know what to make of the burning, pulsating metaphors in poems like “Lady Lazarus” or the chilly imagery of “Edge.” Time called the book a “jet of flame from a literary dragon who in the last months of her life breathed a burning river of bale across the literary landscape.” The Washington Post dubbed Plath a “snake lady of misery” in an article entitled “The Cult of Plath.” Robert Lowell, in his introduction to Ariel, characterized Plath as Medea, hurtling toward her own destruction.

Recent scholarship has deepened our understanding of Plath as a master of performance and irony. Yet the critical work done on Plath has not sufficiently altered her popular, clichéd image as the Marilyn Monroe of the literati. Melodramatic portraits of Plath as a crazed poetic priestess are still with us. Her most recent biographer called her “a sorceress who had the power to attract men with a flash of her intense eyes, a tortured soul whose only destiny was death by her own hand.” He wrote that she “aspired to transform herself into a psychotic deity.” These caricatures have calcified over time into the popular, reductive version of Sylvia Plath we all know: the suicidal writer of The Bell Jar whose cultish devotees are black-clad young women. (“Sylvia Plath: The Muse of Teen Angst,” reads the title of a 2003 article in Psychology Today.) Plath thought herself a different kind of “sorceress”: “I am a damn good high priestess of the intellect,” she wrote her friend Mel Woody in July 1954.

Elizabeth Hardwick once wrote of Sylvia Plath, “when the curtain goes down, it is her own dead body there on the stage, sacrificed to her own plot.” Yet to suggest that Plath’s suicide was some sort of grand finale only perpetuates the Plath myth that simplifies our understanding of her work and her life. Sylvia Plath was one of the most highly educated women of her generation, an academic superstar and perennial prizewinner. Even after a suicide attempt and several months at McLean Hospital, she still managed to graduate from Smith College summa cum laude. She was accepted to graduate programs in English at Columbia, Oxford, and Radcliffe and won a Fulbright Fellowship to Cambridge, where she graduated with high honors. She was so brilliant that Smith asked her to return to teach in their English department without a PhD. Her mastery of English literature’s past and present intimidated her students and even her fellow poets. In Robert Lowell’s 1959 creative writing seminar, Plath’s peers remembered how easily she picked up on obscure literary allusions. “ ‘It reminds me of Empson,’ Sylvia would say . . . ‘It reminds me of Herbert.’ ‘Perhaps the early Marianne Moore?’ ” Later, Plath made small talk with T. S. Eliot and Stephen Spender at London cocktail parties, where she was the model of wit and decorum.

Very few friends realized that she struggled with depression, which revealed itself episodically. In college, she aced her exams, drank in moderation, dressed sharply, and dated men from Yale and Amherst. She struck most as the proverbial golden girl. But when severe depression struck, she saw no way out. In 1953, a depressive episode led to botched electroshock therapy sessions at a notorious asylum. Plath told her friend Ellie Friedman that she had been led to the shock room and “electrocuted.” “She told me that it was like being murdered, it was the most horrific thing in the world for her. She said, ‘If this should ever happen to me again, I will kill myself.’ ” Plath attempted suicide rather than endure further tortures.

In 1963, the stressors were different. A looming divorce, single motherhood, loneliness, illness, and a brutally cold winter fueled the final depression that would take her life. Plath had been a victim of psychiatric mismanagement and negligence at age twenty, and she was terrified of depression’s “cures,” as she wrote in her last letter to her psychiatrist—shock treatment, insulin injections, institutionalization, “a mental hospital, lobotomies.” It is no accident that Plath killed herself on the day she was supposed to enter a British psychiatric ward.

Sylvia Plath did not think of herself as a depressive. She considered herself strong, passionate, intelligent, determined, and brave, like a character in a D. H. Lawrence novel. She was tough-minded and filled her journal with exhortations to work harder—evidence, others have said, of her pathological, neurotic perfectionism. Another interpretation is that she was—like many male writers—simply ambitious, eager to make her mark on the world. She knew that depression was her greatest adversary, the one thing that could hold her back. She distrusted psychiatry—especially male psychiatrists—and tried to understand her own depression intellectually through the work of Fyodor Dostoevsky, Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, Virginia Woolf, Thomas Mann, Erich Fromm, and others. Self-medication, for Plath, meant analyzing the idea of a schizoid self in her honors thesis on The Brothers Karamazov.

Bitter experience taught her how to accommodate depression—exploit it, even—in her art. “There is an increasing market for mental-hospital stuff. I am a fool if I don’t relive, or recreate it,” she wrote in her journal. The remark sounds trite, but her writing on depression was profound. Her own immigrant family background and experience at McLean gave her insight into the lives of the outcast. Plath would fill her late work, sometimes controversially, with the disenfranchised—women, the mentally ill, refugees, political dissidents, Jews, prisoners, divorcées, mothers. As she matured, she became more determined to speak out on their behalf. In The Bell Jar, one of the greatest protest novels of the twentieth century, she probed the link between insanity and repression. Like Allen Ginsberg’s Howl, the novel exposed a repressive Cold War America that could drive even the “best minds” of a generation crazy. Are you really sick, Plath asks, or has your society made you so? She never romanticized depression and death; she did not swoon into darkness. Rather, she delineated the cold, blank atmospherics of depression, without flinching. Plath’s ability to resurface after her depressive episodes gave her courage to explore, as Ted Hughes put it, “psychological depth, very lucidly focused and lit.” The themes of rebirth and renewal are as central to her poems as depression, rage, and destruction.

“What happens to a dream deferred?” Langston Hughes asked in his poem “Harlem.” Did it “crust and sugar over—/ like a syrupy sweet?” For most women of Plath’s generation, it did. But Plath was determined to follow her literary vocation. She dreaded the condescending label of “lady poet,” and she had no intention of remaining unmarried and childless like Marianne Moore and Elizabeth Bishop. She wanted to be a wife, mother, and poet—a “triple-threat woman,” as she put it to a friend. These spheres hardly ever overlapped in the sexist era in which she was trapped, but for a time, she achieved all three goals.

They thought death was worth it, but I Have a self to recover, a queen. Is she dead, is she sleeping? Where has she been, With her lion-red body, her wings of glass?

Now she is flying More terrible than she ever was, red Scar in the sky, red comet Over the engine that killed her— The mausoleum, the wax house.

from “Stings” by Sylvia Plath

More on this book and author:

Learn more about Red Comet: The Short Life and Blazing Art of Sylvia Plath by Heather Clark

Learn more about Heather Clark

Share this poem and peruse other poems, audio recordings, and broadsides in the Knopf poem-a-day series

To share the poem-a-day experience with friends, pass along this link

#poetry #poetry month #poem-a-day #sylvia plath #red comet #heather clark #National Poetry Month

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keiscait · 4 years ago

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Hi! I just wanted to say from the match-ups I have seen that you are such a great writer! If it’s not too much I was wondering if I could get a living room and bedroom matchup for a male character. If both are too much, feel free to do one whichever one you feel like you can write better. I wanna do this anon so the emoji you can use for me is: <33

Info:

Pronouns: She/Hers

Personality: I am a very goal orientated person and I can become very hard on myself sometimes if I don’t achieve things as well as I wanted to. I tend to be quiet but not shy per say. I do not have trouble talking to people and making friends and I can become very outgoing but in the friend group itself I usually keep to myself. If I am comfortable with you I will make witty remarks and make fun of you in a playful friend banter kinda way but I would like to say I am a good listener so I can get serious real quick. I am really big on trust and I used to trust too easily and now I am a bit more closed off where it is a bit harder for me to trust others.

Relationships: When it comes to relationships, I believe in communication and I haven’t had a big problem with it in the past. I wouldn’t mind a small pda such as hand holding or a small kiss here and there but nothing over the top because you gotta keep the important stuff private ya know. My love language is quality time because I tend to be really busy once school starts and so making effort to see each other even through our busy schedules is really important to keep the relationship healthy.

Hobbies: I believe that you need a good balance between work and play though so some other hobbies I have are painting (acrylic and watercolor), baking, and skateboarding. I also listen to music everyday and watch like an episode before I go to sleep if I have school but binge watch on break. I also try to game a bit too like league, minecraft, and my switch. I also like hiking and runs in the mornings before class because it really clears my head and I used to be on the swim team but I don’t competitively do it anymore.

Bedroom: I believe I would be a switch that leans more submissive. However, I am really cautious to do anything because I need to trust them to be submissive. I would consider myself very open to different kinks and what not and aftercare is a must. I’m not super into degrading because I’m sensitive af. I just would want someone who is observant with me and my body as well as someone who helps me with my insecurities. Once I’m comfortable though I definitely become a brat. Just want someone who would manhandle but still tell me i’m the prettiest girl they’ve ever met hahaha.

Zodiac: Pisces (sun), Cancer (rising), and Leo (moon)

Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw

Future Plans/ Dreams: I am working to become a biomedical engineer one day to help make medical devices to help people. Right now I am leaning towards possibly doing physical therapy and making prosthetics.

Looks: I’m 5’6/5’7 and have a medium build. I am tan kinda like a honey color with black wavy/slightly curly hair that is about at my breast length. My eyes are hazel but mainly light brown and I have pretty big doe like eyes.

Sorry if it’s too much or too little but thank you so much! and I have such respect for writers so keep being you :) HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND STAY SAFE

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Hello and welcome, my darling! So sorry for the long wait, and thank you SO MUCH for your kind words! (⌒‿⌒)❤️ Let’s get right to it then! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

I was reading your description, and I think the person I had in mind for you also fits your bedroom matchup!

Our lovely guest keeping us company in both rooms is...

(Runner up: Ushijima Wakatoshi)

Kageyama is a very complex character. He’s one of the few characters ever who we actually see slips back into his old bad habits every now and then, but is immediately remorseful and shows signs of him knowing better. He’s always striving for progress, and he understands more than others what it’s like to dislike your past self.

- Tobio here is somehow both incredibly observant yet so fricking DENSE

- I imagine that however it is that you two meet, he’ll be super formal at first. It’ll take a little while for a romance to build because he’s not used to opening up, and he’ll need to really trust the person for him to let his walls down

- however, as soon as you guys establish a friendship, he’d be drawn to you and how goal-oriented you are, especially since he is, too

- He’d take interest in you, notice all your little quirks, and would even find himself blushing whenever you playfully tease him

- Problem is, he has no fucking clue why HAHAH

- I love him sm but boy doesn’t know what it is to like someone

- Hinata would try to explain it to him and he’d just be like cr- cru--... c-CRUSH?? ...what is that?

- Man is in desperate need of wingman someone help him

- Anyway, once his friends get Operation: Get Tobio A Girlfriend in motion, he just turns into his pouty blushy self whenever he sees you

- The other boys will probably go overboard that he’ll be forced to take matters into his own hands

- The confession would be a damn mess but in an adorable way

- He’d 100% yell his feelings at you while pouting/blushing

- You’d have to shush him TBH

- shush him with a kiss maybe? that’s a great way to shut him up ( 　･ิω･ิ)

- Kageyama_Tobio.exe stopped responding

- anyway I think he’d just be such a soft, protective boyfriend, especially since you’re kind of quiet

- You two would understand each other so well. He’d protect you and your quiet side, while you would help him be more relatable in order to make friends. It’s also perfect that you two are both goal-oriented, because then you’d be on the same page when it comes to co-dependence/independence. One would understand the other when it comes to pressure, deadlines, and hard work, and you’d just be super supportive of each other all the time

- I think you’re better at communicating than he is, so you may have to inform him a bit on how it should work between the two of you. He’d pick up on this really fast tho so no need to worry! Kags has got you ;)

- Dates would be really productive ones. Study dates, work dates, workout dates; anything that would be beneficial to your improvement

- Early morning hikes with Kags :’( beautiful

- He really appreciates that you’re not big on PDA because that puts a lot less pressure on himself to be someone he’s not. PLUS I imagine he’s the same as you, who really treasures the private moments between the two of you because you’re both so busy

- Once you guys have some private time, he’d take it as an opportunity to release all his pent up energy and emotions. He’d be so needy and clingy when he knows others can’t see

- ( 　･ิω･ิ) ( 　･ิω･ิ) ( 　･ิω･ิ) also u kno whassup when you guys finally get some private time ( 　･ิω･ิ) ( 　･ิω･ิ)( 　･ิω･ิ)

- I don’t think Kags is the very kinky type. He’d be a dom, but I don’t think the freaky stuff would really appeal to him, especially if it’s degradation, since the man worships you?? He’s just like... why tho

- He may get into some stuff that emphasizes his strength, mostly how he grabs you and handles your body

- Picks up on your sweet spots really quick, and I imagine he can even deduce which parts are sensitive without you having to tell him

- Apologizes if he ever makes you uncomfortable :’( he’d just be SO tender and protective

- I don’t think he knows what aftercare is, or like the specifics of it, but I think despite that, he’d just naturally want to take care of you and check in on you afterwards. He’d ask if you’re okay, if you need anything, if you’re feeling any kind of pain, if there’s anything he can improve on. And he’d definitely scan your body for any bruises.

You were walking home from an exhausting day at work.

There were more than a few setbacks today - an annoying coworker took credit for your hard work, your precisely detailed schedule wasn’t honored by others, and because of this, you weren’t able to have lunch. It was now 6:30PM. The rain poured as you waited at the bus stop. You were famished, soaked, and, quite frankly, so done with this day.

You sighed for what felt like the hundredth time. You were so out of it today that you haven’t had the chance to check on your unread messages. Your boyfriend, Tobio, had left a few missed calls over the past hour, causing some worry. He didn’t usually call, given how busy he was all the time. You texted him first to check in.

You: Everything okay, bub?

K: Yes. Sorry about all the missed calls. Where are you right now?

Y: At the bus stop near my building. Why?

K: Which one?

K: Never mind. I see you

What? You whipped your head left and right, then saw your boyfriend’s figure standing a few meters away, umbrella in hand. He was truly a sight for sore eyes right now - he wasn’t wearing anything special, juts his usual tracksuit, but he was wrapped in a scarf and held a soft expression on his face. It was just the warmth you needed right now. He jogged over to you, closing the umbrella as he made it under the roof.

“Hi love,” you started, “what on earth are you doing here?” A huge weight seems to have been lifted off of you.

He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you, rubbing your body to give extra warmth. Pulling back, he took off his scarf so that he could wrap it around your neck.

“It’s been raining all day but I noticed you left your umbrella at home. I was hoping to catch you before you left work so that you don’t have to walk in the rain.” You couldn’t help the smile that was erupting through the exhaustion. This felt like an all new Tobio. “I guess I was a little too late, I’m sorry.”

You shook your head. “No, don’t worry about it. Thank you for thinking of me, bub.” You allowed yourself to slump onto him, wrapping your arms around his waist. You felt him loosen up, strong arms making their way around your form. You looked up at him without pulling away. Your big doe eyes stared into his blue ones, totally sinking into each other’s gaze. He planted a small kiss onto your nose. It wasn’t normal for you to be so affectionate outdoors, but right now, it seemed apt. You scrunched up your nose in response.

Had it not been for the honking of the bus, the two of you could’ve cuddled in the rain for much longer, ridding each other of the lousiness of the day.

I hope that was alright with you, darling! Thank you so much for trusting me with your matchup. Hope you’re having a wonderful new year so far!! Please don’t hesitate to sit and have a chat with me anytime ❤️

Thanks for stopping by! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

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chittsu · 5 years ago

Text

college!au with Lucas

HARO EVLYONE!

it happened again. I did that. another college au is here and again, I hurt myself while writing this…… Lucas is so powerful, man… you’ll see how whipped I am below…

college!au; fluff c’mon it’s about this giant dork expect to sink in the feels sea; bulleted scenario; drinking game: take a shot every time you read the word ‘man’; 7161 words good lord thankfully it’s not over 9k or I’d be scared; LUCAS IS THE BEST BOY

summary: you might think that you have feelings for another boy, but when Lucas starts working with you, you quickly realize that you could be wrong about the perfect boy for you,,, or should I say,,, you are wong ;)

enjoy! :)

Lucas is popular at your university

he’s hard to miss with that height and that face and those muscles and this smile and that laugh

okay I think you get the point

he’s probably the most handsome guy on the campus and thanks to that, you can rarely see him without someone hanging on his neck

the fact that he’s a transfer student that can’t speak the language here too well is even better because - he speaks less = he seems more mysterious and that’s apparently what ladies like

on top of that, he’s just so positive? no one has ever seen this man sad or angry, he’s always smiling and talking to strangers as if they were his best friends

he knows almost everyone and has lots of friends everywhere; whenever he appears on the campus he can’t go 5 meters without someone waving at him

or when he laughs loudly at Winwin’s joke, 20 people in the corridor laugh with him

he has some great achievements as a swimmer; he’s probably the most popular member of the uni’s swimming team thanks to all those fangirls dying to see him without his shirt on and with wet strands of his hair sticking to his forehead

he focuses mostly on the sport, as he got in this university thanks to a sport scholarship and he takes pride in it

and you’ve never expected yourself to interact with him but the moment he walks into your life (and steps on it but wait for that) is when he starts working with you

you’re a bartender at a club popular amongst students; you’ve been working there for a few months now and you feel pretty stable at this job

sometimes it’s hard to simultaneously study and work, but you need to earn money to pay your rent and be independent

the first time he shows up at work is already intense

he seems to walk in slow-motion, his bangs falling softly on his forehead before he pushes them back with his long fingers

he then waves at your manager and smiles at him, showing his perfect teeth

you stare at him but you can’t even blame yourself for that; this boy is glowing, everything about his is so eye-catching - it’s literally like a world-class actor came in

when his eyes land on you, your breath hitches

you start cleaning the bar eagerly because you should at least pretend to be working right

and that’s weird - you’re usually confident in yourself

but, I’ll say it again, Lucas is like a god so that’s fair

as every good k-drama goes, your manager tells you that the two of you will now work together and since you have more experience, you should help Lucas a lot at first

‘sounds like I just got promoted’

'I won’t pay you more if that’s what you’re thinking’

you force a smile and when he turns away from you to look at Lucas again, you roll your eyes HARD, earning an amused look from Lucas

after they talk about, what you suppose are some organization matters, Lucas joins you behind the bar

'I hope we will work together well’ he says, smiling at you confidently; you can imagine that he uses this smile as his weapon

'if you don’t change your clothes, I don’t think that’s possible’ you shrug, not giving him the reaction he usually gets

'y/n… behave please’

you roll your eyes at your boss again

'okay, follow me, I’ll show you where you can change’

you throw the cloth on the bar and go to the back of the club, not even checking if Lucas follows you; you show him his locker and give him the clothes he needs to wear and he even starts to take off his T-shirt before you leave the room like he doesn’t care

you RUN to the bar again and continue cleaning it; Lucas reappears pretty quickly wearing his bartender uniform; by that I mean, black buttoned shirt with black pants and a black apron

you can’t help but check him out when he finally meets you at the bar; the curves of his lips go up automatically like he knows that you know that he knows that he looks good

you love and hate that smugness of his; come on, with that face you’re pretty much prepared for him to be a jerk

you put on your best professional face

'so as you may know, I’m y/n. I’m supposed to teach you stuff but honestly, I don’t even know what I’m doing here so it might be difficult’

'sounds great’

’ … just, make the orders and keep the place clean. if there’s a problem-’

'then I’ll just smile and everything will be okay’

he shoots finger guns at you and you raise your eyebrows; he laughs loudly soon after, covering his mouth with his hand

'that might work tho’ you admit defeated

'on you?’ he asks eagerly, the spark in his eyes reminding you of a child getting Christmas presents; you’re about to discover that he always looks like this

'don’t even think about it but our boss seemed quite whipped if you ask me. NOW-…’

okay, let’s be real here

Lucas is kinda used to people throwing themselves at him wherever he goes; that’s the price he has to pay for being this attractive

and as much as he doesn’t want to take advantage of this, he’s quite self-confident

so when he finds out that he’ll be working with you, there’s this thought that this job might be easier than he expected; everyone would try to help him out as much as they can, right? which means, he wouldn’t need to try too hard

and he’s actually relieved to discover that it’s not the case with you

you don’t treat him like everyone else does

you jump right straight to the work, showing him some of the recipes and you actually expect him to do well; but luckily, he’s ambitious and he wants to be good at this job so he lets you see the focused and serious side of him

that makes you change your mind about him as well; you were expecting him to be lazy and not interested in this job unless it’s about flirting with the customers but you’re wrong about that

you start talking and you find out the reason for him taking this job

apparently, he doesn’t want to be a burden for his parents and wants to start living more independently; also, he has his hobbies and he wants to be able to spend his own money on them

you’re surprised at how hard he works on his first day; he obeys everything you say, he’s careful about the recipes and even though he might not be fast and making them yet, he tries to learn them by heart; also, it’s nice to have a strong colleague that lifts heavy boxes with so much ease

but well, the girls start to go insane very quickly

when they notice that he’s the bartender, you get a crazy amount of orders and it’s honestly one of the busiest nights you’ve ever worked on

Lucas sends multiple apologetic looks your way when he sees how fast you have to move because of him

he tries to keep up as much as he can, but the girls just keep on talking to him and ask him questions and there are just so many things he has to do at the same time that he feels like he’s going to go mad very soon

BUT in the midtime, your tip jar is getting fuller and fuller with every minute and it’s the first time you’ve seen something like this

and even if Lucas makes a mistake and gives a wrong drink to the wrong person, no one even cares

the relief you feel when you can finally change out of your uniform after the night = indescribable

you’ve just finished changing when Lucas comes into the staff room, the tip jar in his big hands; his eyes are bigger than usual and he’s not even smiling which you find incredibly disturbing

'hey, y/n… that was crazy, right’

'crazy? bro, I can’t feel my legs'

'I know, I feel guilty about all of this so and I couldn’t even help you as much as I wanted to… so take this’

you eye the tip jar that he holds up your way, then his face again, then the tip jar again

'I can’t take this, we both worked for it’

'it’s not fair, I didn’t do as much as you’

'well, if you weren’t there I wouldn’t even get a single coin’

'just take this y/n, don’t make it harder’

'I’m NOT taking this’

'OKAY THEN, what do you think about that. let’s take the money and eat something really good together’

you furrow your eyebrows at him and your stomach growls with hunger as you couldn’t even go on a break because of the amount of work

'so it’s settled’ he smiles widely, putting the jar on the table before starting to unbutton his shirt

'okay but CAN YOU STOP UNDRESSING WHEN I’M IN THE SAME ROOM’

anyways, that evening you go to get the biggest pizza available because 1. Lucas eats A LOT 2. you eat a lot as well

and that’s the moment when you decide that you were completely wrong about Lucas; he’s such a fun guy to be with, talking with him is so easy and also dangerous because eating and laughing this hard at the same time is life-threatening

the first day of working with Lucas ends with both of you smiling brightly as you wave at each other before parting ways and you’re excited for more

what he likes the most about you is how unfiltered you are, how real and genuine you act with him compared to everyone else that pretends to be someone else just to catch his attention

while you, you’re clumsy. weird. chaotic even.

he still remembers how hard he laughed at you when you slipped on the wet floor which you’d just washed

but he also remembers how hard YOU laughed then, you were unable to stand straight as your body kept shaking with laughter and he decided to come and help you up but guess what? he slipped too

and your boss found both of you laying on the wet floor, roaring with laughter

that was probably the best icebreaker for you

ever since that unlucky incident, you find yourself smiling at Lucas more and more, even when he just asks you if you ran out of tequila

but he’s like that too; he can’t wipe the smile off his face and he constantly chuckles and giggles and whenever the two of you talk, you both radiate such positive energy

the moment Lucas shares his favourite memes with you is the moment you just know this friendship is real

when it’s one of those Tuesday shifts that you actually like since not many people visit the club then, you and Lucas can chill; usually, you either study or, well, look at memes

or watch something on netflix under the bar on Lucas’ phone since it’s as big as your laptop, sharing earphones casually; sometimes you just want to watch it peacefully but he keeps on pausing just to throw in some joke or comment that makes no sense but even then, his goofy face still makes you smile

he still flirts jokingly but you’re used to it

'can you take this outside Lu’

'okay but will you go out with me’

'I told you it doesn’t work with me’

'that’s why I like you’ and he shoots finger guns at you

he’s also extremely caring and protective; when you show up to work looking terrible as you haven’t slept in 2 days, he makes you go and take a nap in the staff room while he covers for you

or once, when an old man starts saying some nasty stuff to you, he just appears in front of you, blocking your view completely with his wide back and you’ve never seen him this serious

he stares at the guy dangerously and says 'I would like you to leave the club now sir’

and when the man argues and threatens to complain to the manager, Lucas just hits the bar with his fist so hard that the whole club shakes, making the man run away instantly

but when he turns to face you, his face is calm and bright again

'are you okay?’

he can be so cute also

you once find him studying something at work, under the bar and you’re like ! he’s ambitious

and since you know the topic pretty well, you offer help

you meet in the library and he randomly shouts EUREKA or AHA! when he understands something making everyone jop

and you’re like.. okay so that’s the last time we came here together

and when you meet in the corridor on campus, he waves like crazy your way, his face so so bright and so happy it almost gives you butterflies

sometimes, after you finish work, Lucas watches you disappear in a crowd wondering why you’re not attracted to him

it’s not that he wants you to; he likes this friendship and he finds you unique because of the way you act around him and whatever you two have is important to him

but he can’t help feeling slightly… disappointed?

there’s something Lucas doesn’t know about you yet

you have something going on with Jaehyun

and something is the essential word here

Jaehyun is known for being scared of commitment and for months you’ve been seeing each other without putting a label on it… but the situation exhausts you and makes you feel bad

you knew how he was yet still you developed feelings; how embarrassing is that, to get upset over a boy the way you do sometimes

you see him with other girls and you can’t do anything about it because, he’s not yours

you can go weeks without messaging each other, seeing each other and sometimes you even get used to your life when he’s not in it

but somehow, he always finds the moment when you’re ready to let him go and asks you to meet him

usually, it’s when no other naive girl wants to meet up with him

and somehow, you still fall into the trap

Lucas finds out about you and Jaehyun one time when he accidentally hears you talking

since Jaehyun is a member of a band that plays gigs at the club every weekend, Lucas never paid attention to how much time you actually spend talking to him - he thought it was natural, you knew each other well and worked at the same place

but he should have paid attention to how you talk with him

you just seem different whenever you’re near Jaehyun; you’re much calmer, much more graceful, either curling your hair on your finger or playing with the material of his jacket’s sleeve

so after Jaehyun leaves, Lucas approaches you with his eyebrows furrowed and you welcome him with a smile

'who was that’

’… Jaehyun, you know him’

'no, I mean that girl talking to him’

you lift your chin confused, your eyebrows furrowed now as well

’… I was the only one talking to him’

'that?? that wasn’t you, you didn’t snort even ONCE’

and then you, well, snort unwillingly and he just throws up his hands basically yelling 'SEE’

'come on Lu, don’t be dramatic. that’s what people do when they like someone’

'oh, pretend? I don’t do that’

you roll your eyes at him, finding the way he reacts a little exaggerated but you also don’t know how to deal with him when he’s like that

'well, not everyone’s perfect like you, Xuxi’

'listen, it’s not okay man. you’re a great person, you’re funny and smart. why would you pretend to be different? this guy doesn’t know it yet but he’s missing out man’

you blink a few times, your eyes not leaving his serious face; his chocolate eyes and pouty lips; the warmth that spreads in your body makes you feel a little uneasy and the only thing you can say now is

’… bro’

he swallows suddenly and diverts his gaze towards the exit before it lands on you again; his perfect smile back on his face now

‘want me to drive you home after?’

'HELL YEAH but quick question, will we survive this?’

'just look at me’

and he turns around in, what seems like, slow motion and when your eyes meet again, his playful smile has already changed into his charming, lady-killer smile

'do I look dead to you’

'did I really have to check you out to make this judgement’

'that was a bonus’

and he winks

you hit his chest with your fist, which was a stupid idea because his chest is way harder than you expected it to be, earning a laugh from him

he doesn’t know it yet, but what he said really moved you; you just suck at expressing your gratitude

anyways, after work you stand together in front of the exit, watching his big, black motorcycle

he zips up his leather jacket, his face so smug and so confident that you almost want to push him; he side-eyes you, the longer strands of his black hair meeting his forehead, giving him some retro charm

'you’re not scared, are you?’

'me? scared? very unlikely’

'I was just judging by the way you’re squeezing your purse now’

your knuckles are white now and your ears are starting to get red; you press your lips into a straight line from embarrassment and Lucas, again, chuckles

he offers you the helmet, his voice calmer and deeper when he speaks

'I’ll drive slowly. don’t worry, you’re safe with me’

you look up at him, your eyes reflecting the street lights and Lucas’ smile fades; he clears his throat before putting the helmet on your head, a little too suddenly

before you can put it on properly, Lucas is already sitting on the motorcycle; he pats the place behind him

'Lucas, if we end up dead, I’LL KILL YOU’

he shakes with laughter and your face brightens proudly; you sit just behind him, letting your hands wrap around his waist… in a completely friendly, don’t-want-to-get-killed way

'hold on tight, m'lady’

Lucas adds so much excitement to your life; you never expected yourself to be excited to go to work as you do recently or to watch bad movies just to make fun of them with him

and look at you know, you’re riding a motorcycle with him; your cheek pressed to his back, your hair blowing in the wind, with the stupidest grin on your face, doing something you’ve never thought you’d do

Lucas enjoys it as much as you do; the smile is playing on his lips whenever he feels your hands grabbing on the material of his leather jacket

it almost ends too quickly for you

'we’re here ma'am’

'what? already?’

'oh, look at you! weren’t you pissing your pants before?’

you slap his back jokingly before focusing on taking off your helmet; he watches you above his arm and your gaze stops on his side profile for a little too long

'thanks for not getting us killed’ you say, your feet finally landing on the ground 'be careful on your way home’

he waves at you, his lips spreading in a big, warm smile and he watches you until he’s sure that you made it to your block safely

because you’re so focused on Lucas, you almost forget about Jaehyun; he hasn’t messaged you in some time and when he shows up at the bar, you’re either busy with work or talking to Lucas and you don’t even know that it irks Jaehyun a lot

one Saturday, he comes up to your bar, leaving the rest of his bandmates at their usual table; the way he looks at you makes you nervous already, but since Lucas is at the back of the club, you have to serve him

'what can I get for you?’

'are you and Lucas a thing now?’

you smirk, grabbing a glass to clean it; his eyes are so intense you can’t look into them

'why, does it bother you?’

'of course it bothers me, the girl I’ve been seeing is constantly with another guy now’

'so that’s the problem? I’m the problem here? we’re not even a couple Jaehyun, and you’re the reason for it’

'well, I guess you don’t even care about it now that you have Lucas, huh?’

'and it’s you telling me that? you meet a different girl every week’

'well, at least I change them and Lucas? he’s always around you, it’s been like that for months now and it makes me look like an idiot’

'are you for real now? are you drunk?’

'it’s not something you should care about anymore, y/n’

and he pushes his body off the bar and joins his bandmates again with long, angry strides; only after he’s out of your sight, you let your body shake with the emotions and nerves

'Y/N DID YOU SEE WE HAVE A MOUSE NO- wait’

Lucas stumbles into the club but stops abruptly, seeing you dead serious like this; his whole face falls and he appears next to you in no time, his hands rubbing your shoulders to calm you down

'hey hey hey, what’s wrong?’

'I… I need to go outside for a bit, okay?’

he just nods his face but his lips become pouty which expresses how worried he is about you now; he looks around, trying to find a sign of what could have happened and when his eyes meet Jaehyun’s, he knows

he takes off his apron and leaves it at the bar, making his way to Jaehyun; he seems unstoppable

'oh, there he is. how is it going with y/n?’ Jaehyun asks, sitting more comfortably in his seat

'listen’ Lucas starts, his voice so dark that Jaehyun stops smirking immediately 'be careful around her, she doesn’t deserve your shit. if I see her hurt one more time because of you, we’ll have a big problem here’

and not giving him the time to respond, Lucas goes back to work

he can sense that you don’t want to talk about it, so when you come back to the club, he changes the topic and keeps you distracted

only when you’re cleaning the bar as the last task of that night, he says 'you know what, let’s go to a party! Yuta is throwing one on Friday’

'bro, I’m not invited’

'because he knew you’d come with me’ he shrugs, sending you one of the winks that you roll your eyes at

you sigh, cleaning the bar quicker now 'I don’t think I want to go’

'I checked my sources, he who shall not be named won’t be there’

your eyes travel to his completely calm and unfazed face; his eyebrows quirk up as if he’s asking what’s wrong

'did you really ask around for that’

'yeah’

he just shrugs, as it’s a normal thing but you’re once again overwhelmed with his caring nature and you have the urge to hug him now that you resist

'bad news tho, we’re working on Friday’

he puts his hand out in front of your face and smirk, before pointing at himself

'fear not m'lady, this face will get you anything’

and you just, scrunch your whole face from the cheesiness and reach to his cheek, squeezing it like he’s a baby

however, he was right

it’s a miracle but he manages to convince your boss to give you a day off and even if you don’t want to, you just have to go to the party now

Lucas feels responsible for you and he even picks you up from your apartment and drives you there

he tries to spend as much time with you as he can, but you get reminded of how popular he is and how many friends he has; every time he finds you and chats with you, there’s someone dragging him away from you

and usually it’s a girl trying to get him to dance with him; he’s too nice to decline most of the time, but even when he’s dancing with someone else, his eyes always find you

you stick to your group of friends but something’s wrong with your mood today; you just watch all of the couples - like Taeyong with his girlfriend slow-dancing to an upbeat song like nothing matters, their eyes not leaving each other for even a second - or especially your best friend with Taeil who you used to have a big crush on before, and your mind seems blocked

you spend most of the time with Hyuck and his date and they’re so fun to be with, you’re laughing a lot whenever you with them but you just have to leave them alone when you see how Hyuck looks at her as if he wants to kiss her so badly

you find your oasis in the bathroom

sitting in the bathtub with the door closed never seemed so relaxing; you take a few deep breaths and check your phone, finding no new messages but you look at cute dog pics so it’s fine

then, you see Lucas’ name on the screen; he’s asking where you are so you tell him

he joins you in the bathroom soon; he locks the door after coming in, and he takes in your current state; you also take in how handsome he looks with his dark hair pushed back with gel and his shirt fitting his body perfectly

'did you drink a lot? why are you hiding here?’

'no, I guess I’m just not in the mood for a party’

he exhales, letting his body rest on the edge of the bathtub

'sorry, I shouldn’t have made you come here if you didn’t want to’

'no Lu, it’s fine. the idea was great, it’s just that there’s something wrong with me apparently’

'what do you mean?’

you catch his gaze and you sigh, feeling stupid immediately; you prop your head on your head

'is it… because of him?’

'I don’t know anymore. the worst thing is that I knew it was gonna be like that with him and yet I still went with it’

'why?’

'I guess I just wanted to feel how it is to be loved without getting too serious, too real. it’s scary’

'you deserve to be loved for real, y/n’

he falls silent, turning his gaze away from you to be able to think straight; you watch his side profile closely, your eyes taking in every inch of his skin

'why don’t you have anyone tho? there are queues asking for your number in the club every night’

'I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m childish’

your forehead wrinkles, your gaze getting so intense that Lucas senses the way you look at him and returns the look

'yes, you’re goofy and childish sometimes but you’re so much more than that, Lu. you’re so positive, warm, caring and smart. you make me smile so much, do you even realize that?’

you watch his Adam’s apple moving when he gulps, his lips parting when he comes up with the response

'would you date me then?’

the atmosphere is so intense that for a moment there, you think he’s actually genuine about it; after a while, you let yourself smirk

'bro why do you keep asking this joke is getting old’

'I’m just waiting for you to change your answer’

you’re almost unable to hear this as someone starts knocking on the door loudly and screaming to open up

but you do hear it

Lucas takes your hand in his to help you up from the bathtub

when you’re out of the bathroom, you go straight to the kitchen to grab a drink, not expecting to see Jaehyun there

but for some reason, your heart doesn’t jump in your chest at his sight

he eyes Lucas who’s standing behind you; the corner of his lips lifts up in an ironic smile

'can I see you alone y/n, or are you dragging him with you everywhere nowadays?’

'don’t start, Jaehyun’

you’re surprised to see Lucas this tense; it’s like he’s sending daggers Jaehyun’s way and Jaehyun doesn’t back out in that battle as well

he comes closer to Lucas and looks him in the eyes

'isn’t it difficult to like someone who doesn’t like you back? you must be hurt whenever you see y/n with me, huh?’

and Lucas can’t take this anymore

he pushes Jaehyun powerfully; his body lands on the kitchen counter and before you can apprehend the situation, Lucas punches Jaehyun and they start fighting right before your eyes

thanks to Johnny and Yuta, you’re able to pull them away from each other but their fierce gazes and shaky breaths imply that they might jump to each other throats anytime again

you put your hand on Lucas’ shoulder to get his attention; he rips his gaze off Jaehyun just to see your big eyes and his body melts

you take in the sight of his face expression changing so quickly when he meets your eyes; something in your chest rises when you see his lip bleeding

'let’s go, okay?’

you apologize to Yuta and everyone who witnessed this before going out of the house with Lucas right behind you

‘y/n, I’m sorry, they said he wouldn’t be there and-’

you stop next to his motorcycle and he halts too

'why did you fight with him? are you really this dumb Lucas? you could have pulled a muscle, what about your competition next week?’

you don’t notice the way his face softens immediately

'is it really something you worry about? aren’t you curious if he’s okay?’

you just let out a big sigh before bringing you fingers to the blood on his lips; he hisses with pain

but when he looks down on you, the both of you freeze; your index finger brushes against the skin on his cheek, and you don’t even realize it; his face moves towards your palm, wanting to feel your warmth and he doesn’t realize it as well

you take your hand away from him

'can you… take me home?’

the next time you meet at work, it’s another busy night for you two and you forget about everything that happened on the party because,, there’s just,, so,, much,, to do

well, you don’t exactly forget about what happened - it just seems like both of you ignore it

around 3 AM, it finally starts to get a bit calmer and you’re even able to go to the bathroom

you leave your phone on the bar and excuse yourself

and Lucas really doesn’t want to do it, but when you get a text, his eyes travel to your phone automatically

and when he sees Jaehyun’s name there, he takes the phone in his hands

he can’t believe his eyes, seeing how Jaehyun wants you to meet him again

he’s about to throw a fit, he wants to go out and find Jaehyun and punch him again right now but then

'what do you think you’re doing’

Lucas turns around quickly, exposing himself with your phone in his hand; you furrow your eyebrows, he gulps

'I’m sorry, it’s not like that, I just-’

you snatch your phone from his hand; your gaze stays focused on the words that Jaehyun sent and you don’t move

'y/n, I’m sorry. I just have enough of this dude and I don’t want you involved with him’

'why? why are you so protective?

'he keeps on hurting you and you let him, if I need to fight him again to change this then I will’

'it’s still my choice to make, you have no right to look through my messages like this’

'I feel stupid, I’ll never do it again, just…’ his eyes travel all around the room before he manages to let it out

'please, don’t meet him’

your shoulders drop at the sight of him like this, so vulnerable and worried; he plays with his fingers waiting for your response anxiously and your heart sinks

you delete the message from Jaehyun and put your phone in your pocket; you speak after gulping heavily

'I won’t meet him’

'you won’t?’

'it’s time to stop being naive. you’re right. I deserve to be loved’

one of the corners of his lips lifts and his mouth stretch into a wide grin; his hand finds its way to your hair and he ruffles them softly

'I’m relieved now’

'Lu, was he right then? is that why you punched him?’

Lucas stops, blinking a few times before he finally understands; he expects to see the disappointment in your eyes but when he doesn’t, it gives him the courage to speak

'I… I care about you, okay? and I don’t want to see you cry. I don’t want you near Jaehyun. I don’t want you sad, hurt or sick man’

his lips, again, get all pouty and his big, round eyes look straight into yours; this time, you welcome the heavy feeling in your chest gladly

you stretch your hands towards him; he puts his hand on the back of your head and brings your face to his chest, your whole body fitting perfectly with his in a hug

his hands travel up and down your back and you press your body even closer to his to get more of his warmth

you feel him kissing the top of your head before he pulls away from you and for a second your heart seems so close to exploding

'now, m'lady, it’s time to clean!’

'no, Lu, do it alone, I’ll pay you’

‘you can’t afford me’

and like that, all the tension disappears; you and Lucas go back to what you had before and act like the bestest of friends at work but also on the campus

you help him study at his dorm, getting to know his friends better but they also visit you two at the club and sometimes, you and Lucas don’t have the time to talk alone even

you go out to eat regularly after work thanks to the tips Lucas still gets

and you even go to his swimming practises to cheer him on,,, you also see him shirtless and suddenly you don’t mind him changing next to you in the staff room

you also cut things with Jaehyun completely; he seems sincere when he apologizes to you and you know that deep inside, he isn’t that bad

but he’s bad for you

and there’s someone so much better right next to you, someone that you would trust with anything - also your heart

you watch Lucas swim across the swimming pool, you two are the only ones there at the moment

when he finishes, he throws his arms in the air and yells 'YEAAH!’ as if he won the Olympics or something

and you laugh at him, shaking his head

he comes out of the water, drying his hair with a towel messily; he then hangs it on his shoulder and sits at the edge of the swimming pool next to you

'was I cool’

'yeah, but then you screamed’

'I just can’t keep the emotions inside man’

you look at him with your eyes smiling and he shrugs smugly

'you know, you haven’t asked me if I wanted to go out with you for a while now’

'you told me to stop joking like this and you know I’m obedient’ his hand travels to his ear that filled up with water

'the answer might have changed’

Lucas stops; he tilts his hand and presses his lips together, waiting for you to continue; you look down on your hands before speaking up again

'I know, it’s sudden and it makes no sense but I love spending time with you. you make me feel so important and with you, I can’t stop smiling… I just want you to know that I think I like you’

his expression doesn’t change, he’s still serious and he tries to find out if you’re honest by looking into your eyes

'only after meeting you, I realised that whatever feelings I had for Jaehyun, they weren’t real. he has never made me feel the same way I feel when I’m with you and I needed some time to realise that, but I finally did’

he brushes the hair from your face, a smug smile appearing on his face

'will you go out with me then?’

your nose scrunches when you laugh and you get overwhelmed when you feel his fingers tracing the skin of your palm before he intertwines your fingers

'I’d love to’

and you don’t expect him to screech the way he does, covering his face with his other hand as if he just heard the cringiest thing in the world

and you to calm him down but you also laugh out loud; you’re both not able to contain your smiles

he moves his face closer to you and kisses your nose first, then his lips find yours and he pecks them a few times sloppily before finally, landing your first proper kiss on them

he presses his wet body to yours and shivers overcome your whole body and you’re getting wet as well but you don’t care

eventually, Lucas drags you into the water with him and after you yell at him, you begin splashing each other with water and kissing and laughing maniacally

he warns you though

he says that he was never serious with anyone before and he might turn out to be the worst boyfriend ever

but it’s totally not the case

you’ve never imagined yourself to be so happy

he’s still your best friend and still behaves the same way as before; every time you’re with him your cheeks hurt from laughing and you can’t contain your happiness

he’s still caring; when you’re sick he makes sure you take care of yourself; he calls you after your studying sessions and keeps talking to you until he knows you’re asleep - because you tend to stay up late and then you’re like a zombie the next day

he’s still protective; whenever someone talks to you without showing respect, he just appears next to you and asks them politely to change their ways

his words might be polite but his gaze sure isn’t

he gives AMAZING hugs, it’s like your body melts into his and you weigh nothing; one hug of his and you suddenly have no problems, life is beautiful and flowers are blooming

and the feeling of his hand holding yours? indescribable

it makes you feel extremely safe and reassured like there’s nothing that’s impossible for you

whenever he laughs at your jokes, you feel like the funniest person in the world and you just want to make him laugh and laugh and laugh; his chuckles sounded obnoxious once but now they’re the best sound in the world in your ears

and when he looks at you with his big brown eyes, you feel so beautiful; when he smiles at you, you feel like you can do anything

you sometimes can’t believe how lucky you are to have this big dork next to you; when he falls asleep while studying with you in the library (yeah you take him there again), you count his eyelashes and trace your fingers across his cheeks and play with his soft hair and just, admire how handsome and perfect he is

he’s also unstoppable

whenever he sees your gaze falling to his plump lips, he just goes for it and cups your face in his big hands and kisses you hungrily, as if he hadn’t just kissed you a few minutes ago

he loves giving you random kisses

at work, you can be just making an order for something when he suddenly comes up to you and gives you a peck on the cheek unexpectedly and it leaves you blushing EVERY.TIME.

still, your random make-out sessions in the staff room make you blush the most

or when you’re explaining something to him, he just shuts you up with a quick kiss

and you look at him with a straight face because,,, you were talking about some real important stuff,, but when he grins at you and his cheeks go up like this, you can’t even be mad

he’s so proud to show you off in front of everyone; he’s always holding your hand or having his arm around your shoulder or just touching you in some way

and your friends are as positive as him, they love you

and whenever you interact with them as if they were all your best friends of 12 years, he just lights up with pride

the thing is, none of the people that had a crush on him before seems mad about him being in a relationship? they actually seem to love him even more because seeing you two interact makes everyone’s hearts just go crazy

you’re so incredibly sweet together, you don’t even fight

Lucas would hate himself forever if he ever hurt you; so,,,, he just lets you win all the time

there was only one fight between the two of you, early in your relationship and he cried and you cried and you just ended up hugging and comforting each other on the floor

since then, Lucas has decided to never start a fight and since you’re easy-going as well, you don’t really need to fight

you both shower each other with compliments and support all the time; your texts are filled with heart emoji and memes basically

but you secretly love the moments when you lay down in your bed talking about everything just before you doze off; none of you knows exactly what you’re talking about it but it’s just so wholesome and listening to his deep, hushed voice just makes you fall in love with him again and again

in conclusion, you’re so in love with Lucas and you tell him that for the first time after he wins a competition

he’s all wet and tired and not breathing properly even, when you throw yourself at him

and he lifts you up and twirls with you in his arms and you leave sloppy kisses all over his face

'I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you..’

'I LOVE YOU TOO MAN’

’…. is 'man’ your pet name for me’

and he laughs hysterically and you just shake your head before joining in

so yeah, you’re undoubtedly in love with the biggest dork of them all, Lulu

you once get startled when you come across Jaehyun on the campus; you squeeze Lucas’ hand to warn him not to do anything stupid

but Jaehyun smiles at the two of you and acts incredibly friendly?

you’re not friends with him but you’re in good terms; actually, you’ve heard some stories about him falling in love?

but that’s… a story for another time >:)

masterlist

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sabsabstudies · 4 years ago

Text

dear studyblr community...

i need to talk about something real quick. i know, that i barely have any active followers and i haven't been posting any original posts since MONTHS, even tho i had lots of time to do so. and tbh, the reason for that is you. not you personally, but this community. i love motivating others to strive for their best and lifting each other up is so important.

but... can we please ?? stop talking about grades ??????

of course, grades are an important part of our daily lives as students. but it can also put a lot of pressure on yourself. especially when people are talking about their 4.0 GPAs or A+ grades on exams. i just graduated from a german high school with an Abitur (it’s the highest graduation from high school you can have in germany, it allows you to study at any university in Europe).

in my junior and senior year i tried my best to achieve: a.) to get good (not perfect!) and realistic results for my exams and finals, b.) spend time with my friends, c.) evolve my personality and d.) care for my mental health. before taking my first exams, i already knew, that i could easily reach the required grades for every university major i’d like to apply to, so there was no need for me to push harder than i needed to. i know, that i could have achieved that perfect A+ average if i studied my ass off every day and didn't give a f* about my personal life and health.

my average grade is awesome. 70% of my classmates would do anything for my grades, while i’m still sitting here and doubting, if i should have spent the last two years differently and studied way more than i did.

the reason for that is the massive amount of oversharing exact numbers and grades on so many of these #studyblr posts. i love seeing you guys succeed and give your best, but it puts a lot of pressure on everyone.

grades don’t show the amount you pushed yourself. grades don't show your personal improvement. grades don't show the circumstances you studied in. grades don't show your intelligence.

all of those things could affect your grades: your teacher’s ability to teach, if the way they teach fits your type of learning, the strictness of your teacher, how hard the exams are, your family's financial situation, the school you're attending, your mental health, your physical health, the financial status of your school or even your country, the syllabus that was set by politicians who don't even require a pedagogic degree. there are so many reasons, why you did or did not get that A+ that you personally can’t even influence.

recently, I’ve kinda been struggling with a mild burnout from this constant pressure of getting perfect grades on every exam. i don't want other people to experience the same, or even worse, get a full blown burnout and literally being unable to get a college degree or a job for a long time.

i don't want to put bad vibes outta here, i just want our community to stay safe and be less stressed about a random number other people assign to our progress and knowledge.

thank you.

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tiaragqueen · 5 years ago

Note

Can i request a yandere!tarzan! Jungkook? I've been thinking about it a lot lately but nobody seems to done it :""))

Champing At The Bit

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Tarzan! Jeon Jeongguk x Reader

✂ Word Count: 3,6k+

✂ Trigger Warning: Animal attack, blood, death, obsessiveness, possessiveness, sadism

✂ This story is fictional and for amusement only. I don’t believe any of the members would do this in real life. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day!

Donot re-upload my writing to another website or use it without mypermission.

[Edited]

***

Okay, so… I might have gone a bit overboard on this one. This is probably the longest one-shot I’ve ever written, but I don’t know. The edited version might be shorter, tho. Why, you look at that. It’s longer than the unedited one.

If you like mywriting, please support me on ko-fi!

“One way or another, I’m going to find ya. I’m gonna get ya. One way or another, I’m going to win ya.” – One Way Or Another [Blondie]

You didn’t know what to expect from this scene.

No, scratch that. You hadn’t expected this to happen at all.

You had always known that your baby brother was more sociable than you. It was a trait you had been long secretly envious of. There was something from him that easily attracted people to him, either from his smile or overall mannerisms. While you were approaching your early twenties, your social skills remained undeveloped. It didn’t help that you had a tendency to overanalyze things, too.

However, you would later learn that your introversion wasn’t a curse as you had initially thought. In fact, it could save you from the doom that would soon befall you.

“[Brother’s name], what… what are you doing? Who is he?” you asked, brows furrowed deeply and eyes widened in an overwhelming mixture of confusion, shock, relief, fear, and wariness.

“Ah, Noona!” your brother beamed once he spotted you and enthusiastically pointed to the stranger in question. “Look, I’ve got a new friend! His name is Jungkook, but he likes to be called ‘Kookie’.”

Your mouth slackened as you glanced at the pair back and forth, trying to make sense of their relationship. Well, it wasn’t like you misheard what your brother said just now. In fact, you heard it a little bit too clearly for your liking. But of course, what kind of a normal human being would immediately accept the fact that their sibling had befriended a fucking Tarzan in the middle of a forest?!

‘Kookie’ shrunk a little and bowed his head when you averted your attention to him, displaying his shyness towards strangers. At least, he wasn’t aggressive. That was a plus. You didn’t know what to do if there was a young man, wearing nothing but a dark ripped cloth to cover his lower part, were to attack your brother. You cleared your throat to distract yourself from the disturbing image.

“Well, that was nice and all but can we please go back to the camp? Mama has been waiting for you, you know?”

[Brother’s name] bit his bottom lip, and it didn’t take a genius to know that he hesitated to leave this ‘Kookie’. Was it possible to create such a close relationship with someone you just met? Was he really that interesting to your brother until he felt reluctant to go?

“Can we bring him too? He looks so lonely…”

You didn’t bat an eye on rejecting his ridiculous suggestion, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, [Brother’s name].”

There was no way in hell you would bring that guy to your parents. They might not panic much, but you didn’t want to deal with the consequences should something bad happened. He might get a panic attack – or worse, go on a rampage – if you forced him to meet other people.

“But can you at least introduce yourself first, Noona? Kookie might be shy, but he’s very curious about you.”

How the hell did he know that that guy was curious about you? Did he suddenly possess a sixth sense or something? And besides, that guy refused to look at you in the eye!

“Oh, um, I…” Fuck this shit. If you wanted to leave, then you better deal with this quickly. “Uh… Hi, Kookie. I’m [Name], [Brother’s name]’s older sister.”

Was that friendly enough? Could he even comprehend what you just said? Judging from the way [Brother’s name] grinned when he glanced at the said man, you assumed that he indeed understood. To some extent, probably.

“Kookie said you’re pretty, Noona.”

How did one accept a compliment from a Tarzan? You didn’t know, you never bothered to know, and you definitely didn’t expect to know how. And that was why your reaction was painfully awkward, even cringy if someone were to watch this whole interaction.

“Oh, thank you. He’s… he’s handsome too.”

That wasn’t a lie. He did look handsome. And cute too. With long eyelashes that framed his doe eyes, chubby cheeks, healthy pink and plump lips, down to the tiny mole that you almost missed. You had no doubt that he would gain a lot of admirers had he was more… normal. But what was normal for you, might not be normal to others. And with his fidgety mannerisms that just screamed bashfulness and awkwardness throughout, he might end up as one of those wallflowers or an antisocial that avoided people altogether.

No, actually, the latter seemed much more likely to happen. It was a miracle that your brother even managed to befriend him in a span of twenty minutes.

Another reason for you to be insecure about.

“Okay, introduction’s over. Let’s go back, shall we?”

[Brother’s name] nodded, satisfied with what he thought was a successful conversation. Linking his fingers with yours, he skipped down the trodden path that led to the campsite whilst smiling happily. With your back turned, you were able to sense Jungkook’s penetrating gaze as opposed to the occasional timid glances earlier.

A shiver slithered down your spine.

It had been days since your first encounter with Jungkook. And ever since that, your brother had been secretly meeting him under the pretense of ‘exploring the area’. Of course, you being you, refused to accept his excuse at face value, unlike your parents who had shown a positive reaction over his so-called adventure. They even made another comment on how you should ‘be more active like him’ instead of ‘spending your time doing useless things such as constantly playing your phone’, although they didn’t know what you truly did with it. Just because you often play your phone, didn’t mean you always searched meaningless things. Sometimes, you liked to explore stuff and looked up some facts.

Obviously, they didn’t understand that. Not that you wanted to. There was no reason why you should convince someone who was too stubborn to change their mind.

The latter was also why they decided to make this spontaneous camping in the first place, much to your dismay. You had initially planned to spend your whole summer working on that story you had been procrastinating for so long, but your parents thought that it was time for some ‘family moment’.

And because you cared about your brother, despite your envy, you’d decided to ‘join’ him. Your parents were excited and thought that you finally ‘opened up’ to the world. You had ignored their gushing and accompanied your sibling in meeting his new friend.

Jungkook, although shy, was very talkative once a close bond was established. You didn’t find this very surprising, to be honest, since you yourself weren’t much different than him in this aspect. But what astounded you was the fact that he seemed to take more interest in you, more than he did to your brother. [Brother’s name], being a naïve boy he was, felt happy with this development. Thus, he took it upon himself to act as the ‘accommodating guide’ by answering Jungkook’s silent questions that – frankly speaking – sounded more like hushed whispers and occasional hoots. You didn’t know that it was possible for someone to gain a skill in communicating with Tarzan within such a short time, but that was what set him apart from you anyway.

Slowly, but surely, Jungkook started to open up more and more with you. From light, albeit hesitant, touching to bashful smiles; he did everything he could do to ensure that your attention remained on him alone. He even tried to speak to you once, but your overt inability to comprehend his words prevented you from fully understanding what he said. It wasn’t as if you wanted to know, either.

Honestly, you didn’t know what to feel from this so-called development. On one hand, you were creeped out at the fact that Tarzan had taken an interest in you. But on the other hand, you were flattered that someone actually found you desirable for once. That someone would make an effort to get to know you, or by the very least, including you in their conversations and not neglecting you as most people did.

The last day of camping came at the blink of an eye. [Brother’s name] kept sobbing that he wouldn’t be able to visit Jungkook again, while you awkwardly patted his small back. Comforting people wasn’t your forte, but for the sake of people you loved, you were willing to do anything for them. Even if it meant handling their emotional outbursts.

“Come on, [Brother’s name]. We need to go home.” you murmured, yet he merely cried harder. Before you, Jungkook didn’t provide any assistance whatsoever except watching him for the past five minutes.

“B-but, I can’t see him again.” [Brother’s name] blubbered.

You wished to say that he would be able to meet Jungkook once he was a bit older, but you couldn’t exactly promise such a thing to him. Life sometimes got in the way of achieving what you wanted, and that was why you refused to go around spreading empty words unless the odds were favorable.

“Okay, well…” you glanced around, racking your brain to come up with a perfect solution that wouldn’t leave [Brother’s name] even sadder than he already was. “Why don’t you say goodbye to Kookie now? Who knows, you might feel a bit better.”

[Brother’s name] sniffled, but luckily, he obliged to your suggestion. Approaching the quiet Jungkook, he threw his small arms around his neck and sobbed into his bare shoulders.

“Kookie, I’m leaving now.” he croaked with a voice that broke your heart a little. You’d never expected to get teared up from witnessing such an emotional scene, even though Jungkook was nowhere near emotional. His face remained blank as he blinked repeatedly, as though unaware of a child weeping in his embrace.

Damn him. He could’ve at least made an effort to appear affected.

Sniffling once more, [Brother’s name] withdrew from the one-sided hug and smiled bitterly. “I’ll see you again, Kookie. Please don’t forget me.”

Jungkook stared at him for a moment before turned to you. His dark eyes were hollow yet piercing as if trying to gauge your reaction through your ‘friendly-sister-of-a-friend’ façade. Maybe he did, then that would explain why he kept watching you lately. If you could even call that ‘watching’ because it looked more like observing than mere watching. Still, it didn’t make the experience felt any less unnerving.

You simpered at him, nonetheless. Couldn’t show him your discomfort, could you? For all you knew, he could be planning something and a glimpse of your true feelings might be something he’d deeply anticipated. “Well, Jung– I mean, Kookie. I think it’s time for us to go. It’s been an interesting week, and I can’t say that I regretted meeting you.”

Just a little, though. You had always doubted that Tarzan existed, especially in such a modern world like this, but his existence proved otherwise.

Jungkook stepped forward and suddenly brought you into a deep hug. Stunned, you let him buried his head into your stomach. You could’ve sworn that you heard him purring too, yet that was the least of your worries. Jungkook had never been this bold before – he always retained some degree of shyness in expressing his affection – so perhaps he finally felt comfortable with you? Enough to embrace you without a warning like this?

“[Name]…” he mumbled against your shirt. Your eyes instinctively widened, while [Brother’s name] gasped in astonishment.

“He spoke!” [Brother’s name] squealed, clapping vigorously as if he had witnessed first-hand something extraordinary. That would be understandable considering that Jungkook never seemed to speak before. “He finally spoke!”

You didn’t know what to do in this situation. No, scratch that, you knew exactly what you wanted to do. You wanted to run – away from this forest and its nonsense – and never looked back. Being observed was enough to put you on the edge, and now he decided to call you by your name too? This should’ve turned on the warning bell in your head. And as much as you wished to shove him on to the ground, you still had the decency to gently push him away.

“Oh, did you hear that? Mama is calling us. Let’s go, [Brother’s name]!” On the spur of the moment, you came up with a not-so-believable lie and grabbed his hand.

[Brother’s name] sputtered in shock. “B-but, Noona, I didn’t–”

“Goodbye, Kookie!” you exclaimed with more vigor than necessary, or what would one expect from a farewell.

You dashed through the trees which homogeneity seemed to confuse you in each minute, determined to make it into the campsite before it was too late. Why did you feel this way when the forest looked safe? Honestly, you weren’t sure yourself. You just had this hunch that something was wrong the moment Jungkook averted his gaze to you.

Or maybe the darkness and desire in his eyes gave it away.

Either way, you couldn’t afford to rest even if [Brother’s name] had been panting since earlier. You wanted to prove to yourself that your hunch was incorrect; that it was merely a suspicion or a secret fear that Jungkook would try to harm you and your family. Maybe it was somewhat unfair to place the blame on him when he hadn’t done anything wrong than just being his shy, creepy self. But it wasn’t like you could trust someone you met a week ago. You weren’t that careless.

During your rushed journey, you’d prayed and prayed that your hunch didn’t come true. That it all just happened in your head. But nothing, absolutely nothing, could prepare you for the massacre that greeted you at your destination.

Bodies laid on top of each other, eyes glassy yet profound with the unfairness of being the innocent victims. Some of their limbs looked like they had been forcibly ripped out from their sockets, leaving bloody bones that protruded through the rugged flesh. Their clothes were torn, mouths opened in a silent scream that fell on deaf ears, and they were looking up the sky as though it could lend a lifeline to save them from their untimely dooms.

Bile climbed from the pit of your stomach as you covered [Brother’s name]’s eyes, afraid that he would be traumatized by the horrible sight. He was still young and pure; he didn’t need to see what his parents had become. Charred and torn beyond belief and recognition. Sure, you weren’t really fond of them due to their tendency to compare you with [Brother’s name], but they didn’t deserve to die. Nobody at this campsite did, honestly.

“Noona!”

You gasped when someone – or rather, something – snatched him from your grasp. A black chimpanzee stood in one of the branches and held him against its chest, shouting incoherent things to you. Despite your disinterest towards monkey and ape species, there was a hidden fear deep inside your heart that was reserved for the chimpanzees. Especially when they were cornering you right now, a helpless and panicked human. You didn’t know if chimpanzees could eat humans, but you did know about their cannibalistic habits.

And now, your beloved baby brother was held as a captive.

What kind of a shitty movie was this?!

“Do you still… want to leave, [Name]?” a breathy voice asked in a broken sentence, showing their slight inexperience of speaking human language.

Your expression went cold as you slowly turned around, wishing that the speaker was nothing like what you thought them to be. However, your hunch was proven correct once again.

“Jungkook,” you hissed, gritting your teeth in a refrained anger. As much as you wanted to lash out to him, you knew that the chimpanzees wouldn’t take too kindly of it. You just knew it. “What the fuck is this, huh? Explain this!”

“Calm… down.”

“Don’t tell me how to calm down, you piece of shit!”

As expected, the chimpanzees started to get hostile over your equally offensive approach. Some were already approaching you, ready to tear you to bits had Jungkook didn’t raise his hand. The clamor stopped as soon as it arose, but the aura they emanated was still murderous. Peering to Jungkook, you concluded that he must be a leader or some sort.

Would it be weird if you say that you weren’t surprised in the slightest?

“[Name], you have to… know that you can’t… leave this forest… as you please,” he explained without looking at you. Oh, so now he was acting haughty, huh? Where was the shy boy who couldn’t even see you without blushing?

“So what? People come here all the time, yet they’re free to go anytime they want. Why the fuck should I be any different, huh?” You pointed a finger in his direction and glowered, trying to display an aggressive body language despite your huge difference in power. Maybe those chimpanzees would back down somewhat?

Well, no. Because you could hear them growling in the background.

“Because… you’re special.”

You narrowed your eyes, clearly not amused with his half-assed excuse. If he thought that he could convince you with that, then he would be dead wrong. “The fuck–?”

As if on cue, the chimpanzee who held [Brother’s name] captive suddenly took a chunk out of his left shoulder. You froze in shock, watching the blood spurted from the wound like in slow motion. The sound of his agonized scream echoed in the forest, when not even a single cricket dare to chirp. All witnessed the chimpanzee brutally lacerated his flesh until the bone and tendons were visible to the naked eye.

“Stop! Stop!” you finally shouted after a moment of stupefaction, the aggressive facade shattered when tears started to trickle little by little. “Stop this, please! I… I’ll do anything! Just… just, please. Don’t hurt him. Please. I’ll do anything, I swear to God.”

Jungkook’s face lit up almost instantly. However, you were too busy worrying about [Brother’s name]’s state and dread over his looming death to notice it.

If only you saw his joyous face right now, or the smug smirk that closed your and [Brother’s name] fates…

But it wasn’t as though you could compromise his safety for the sake of your selfishness, right? No matter how much you envied him, no matter how much you wanted to be like him for just a little – a moment – he was, and would always be, your little brother. Your younger sibling.

Your beloved baby brother whose existence you’d been anticipating ever since your mother announced her pregnancy.

Your beloved baby brother who saw you for the first time with those sparkling doe eyes and pouty lips.

Your beloved baby brother who held your pinky finger and beamed that cute smile of his.

And most of all, your beloved baby who always made you smile and laugh when the world seemed to turn its back against you.

It was funny how easy it was to say ‘I love you’ to your exes, any time and any day when you had never said it to your own sibling.

What kind of a big sister was you?

“Really…? Then, I guess… you don’t mind if you become mine, right? I’ve been waiting… for this moment.” Jungkook inclined his head and smiled softly as if reminiscing something. “That kid… has been irritating me to no end.”

There was only regret and anger left in your constricting chest when Jungkook moved to hug you from behind. Regret for not being able to help your brother, and anger for being so fucking useless.

But what were you, compare to a horde of chimpanzees waiting for the right moment to strike?

What were you, compare to his authority and power?

And what were you, to resist your own fate?

You let those sturdy arms wrapped themselves around your chest like a straitjacket and sobbed. Resting his chin on your shoulder, Jungkook sighed contentedly.

“I’ve been waiting… to hold you like this… ever since… you appeared. It feels… nice.” He peered towards the damned chimpanzee as though he barely remembered that they were here in the first place, and their presence ruined his ‘peaceful’ moment. Never mind the fact that he was probably the one who had ordered them to ambush you.

“Everyone,” you stopped sobbing for a moment and waited with bated breath his next demand. What was he going to say? What was he going to do? Hopefully, he would release [Brother’s name] and allow him to live. After all, you had willingly give yourself to him. Surely Jungkook wasn’t that evil, right? There must be some humanity deep inside him, however small it might be.

… Right?

“Eat him.”

The chimpanzees immediately charged at [Brother’s name] from every direction without any hesitation whatsoever. You watched in horror their sharp teeth sunk into his skin and ripped it like a starved animal. He wailed and writhed in their hold, wishing anyone to help him.

To save him.

To rescue him.

“No, no, no!” At this point, you actively struggled against Jungkook’s much stronger grip as you kicked and screamed for them to stop. For him to stop. For everything to stop. “Why are you doing this?! Stop!”

“As I said earlier… you’re special. And I can’t… let that kid… get in the way of our happiness.” Jungkook buried his face into your sweaty neck and smiled, ignoring your resistance and cries of help. “Now, we can finally be together.”

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foreverdoesntexist · 4 years ago

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Do you have Thai BL recommendations for people who like SOTUS? I especially want to look for those with good relationship/character developments or a university setting (bonus points if they put a lot of focus on campus life). Thank you in advance!

Absolutely! I’ll give you a list of 14 ones that match your criteria, love. I’ve watched over 200 dramas so far so I’ll do my best! ❤️ (I’ll assume that you watched SOTUS S and Our Skyy already) 1. Kiss Me/Kiss Me Again/Dark Blue Kiss/Our Skyy - this was the second BL show I’ve watched and even though the first two seasons have straight couples as the main storyline, the third one (Dark Blue Kiss) had the secondary BL couple as the mains. In Our Skyy just like SOTUS it has a special episode. It follows the story of Pete and Kao, two uni students that start by hating each other (they legit punch each other half of the time) and then fall in love. I loved this series because the actors were also my favorites and their chemistry was out of this world, it’s a GMMTV production (like SOTUS) and its starred by New Thitipoom and Tay Tawan.

https://mydramalist.com/27353-kiss-me-again

2. He’s Coming To Me - a LineTV original but in collab with GMMTV, it stars Singto (Kongpob from SOTUS), and Ohm, this series will make you cry buckets and it’s my absolute fave after SOTUS. It’s perfect in every way, the story will capture you and the actors make you feel their pain. Even though it’s not set exactly in uni, one of the main characters is a uni student and the other is a ghost trying to understand why he’s still around. Together they will find out who exactly this ghost was and what happened to him...and somehow love happens. Besides the amazing leads, the secondary actors as their friends are absolutely hilarious. I beg you to give this a shot, you won’t regret it :P

https://mydramalist.com/31880-he-s-coming-to-me

3. 2Moons/2Moons2/2Moons3 - so this series...is a mess and a half but still a classic within the BL world so I will recommend it since it fits the university life theme. The first one had a certain cast and because of issues within the company (Motive Village), they changed it for the second season and now there’s a third season in the works. I should warn you that the second season retells what happened in the first one and then adds quite a bunch for the secondary pairings, you will love them for sure. It tells the story of a freshman at a university called Wayo that is also attended by his long-time secret love, Phana Kongthanin, a med second-year student, the problem is that Phana doesn’t recognize him. Both have their own group of friends and as expected love happens, even if you end up getting bored with the main couple, I’m sure you’ll fall in love with the side ones. Definitely recommend the second cast version :)

https://mydramalist.com/30962-2-moons-the-series-season-2

4. 2gether/Still 2gether - another one from GMMTV (shocking), with new actors and fresh faces, this series was instantly shoved to the top and trended every single day. The story follows an old cliché but it’s not boring at all, Tine is a very handsome student and cheerleader in college, and then we have Sarawat who is in the soccer and music club. When Tine gets some unwanted attention from Green, who he doesn’t have feelings for, he ends up asking Sarawat to fake date with him in order to chase Green away but there’s a plot twist in all of this. Why does Sarawat agree with it all in the first place? You gotta watch to find out. The second season wraps it up in a very very satisfying bow with lots of fluff that we missed from that season 1 finale.

https://mydramalist.com/39563-2gether-the-series

5. Bad Romance/Together With Me/Together With Me: the next chapter - now...this series was a ride...why? Because the two first seasons showed us how the side couple turned out to be together and then the third season came out and well...they fucked up. I absolutely hate the cheating concept do I’ll advise you to just ignore the third season even though it has a happy ending. Korn and Knock are both uni students and best friends, but things get complicated when one of them wants more and the other already has a girlfriend. It will make you want to slap them both at some point but their chemistry and kiss scenes were one the best I’ve ever seen in BL.

https://mydramalist.com/22990-together-with-me-the-series

6. En of Love: Tossara/Love Mechanics/ This is Love Story - all the three series are set in uni and even tho they have different stories and main couples, they all connect in some way. The acting and the directing are not the best out there and it can get confusing at times but it can be seen as something light and cute to watch if you ever get bored of heavier plots.

https://mydramalist.com/33785-en-of-love

7. HiStory 2: Boundary Crossing - a Taiwanese drama with only 8 episode and part of the HiStory Series, this one tells the story of Qiu Zi Xuan that was an excellent volleyball player in the past, but he had to give up on his dreams due to his injuries, but he still participates in the volleyball-related training, arranges and helps them to get into training, watching them improve. During the training, he meets a guy, Xia Yu Hao, a guy with a really bad temper who gets easily infuriated with people that make him angry, but he strives to acquire what he persistently wants to achieve. It’s a bit different from what we are used to but so cute and heartwarming in the end!

https://mydramalist.com/26354-history2-boundary-crossing

8. Love By Chance/A Chance to Love - This one also has some clichés but it will get you hooked in no time! Pete is a handsome and rich university student that is incredibly timid. His shyness is caused by the fact that he tries to hide that he is secretly gay. By chance, Pete gets hit by a kind-hearted boy on a bike, Ae- Over time, Ae protects Pete from the world; he takes care of him. But somewhere between the intense closeness and soft touches, Ae begins to feel more than how a friend would. Yet, Pete doesn't want Ae to know the pain of being ridiculed for dating a man. Thus he ignores his feelings for Ae. But Pete falls deeper and deeper in love with the kind-hearted boy on the bike who once hit him, by chance. The main couple is absolutely adorable, Saint and Perth look absolutely amazing and the secondary one, even though it didn0t get a happy ending, they will have their one story arc in the new season (a chance to love) which is currently airing. We also find out what happened with the main characters.

https://mydramalist.com/27393-love-by-chance

9. My Engineer/My Engineer 2 - When Bohn, the popular engineering student, starts a revenge plan on Duen, the innocent first-year medical student, their feelings slowly start to grow through roses that Duen has to buy for Bohn every day for a month. The second season is yet to air but you should give this one a chance since the first season didn’t actually end with any kind of cliffhanger.

https://mydramalist.com/26362-my-engineer

10. Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey/ Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey 2/ Our Skyy - from GMMTV this is where one of the great 4 couples started, specifically Off/Gun, the first series has a straight couple as the main couple and Off/Gun as PIck/Rome as the secondary one, then on the second season we get to more of them as usual. There’s also a special episode in the Our Skyy compilation. They are all uni students and we see how their lives slowly change and eventually how they fall in love. Pick’s character is afraid of falling for his best friend but eventually realizes that he can’t let Rome go. A very sweet and cute series.

https://mydramalist.com/22703-senior-secret-love-puppy-honey-2

11. Theory Of Love - This series...oh man it’s so good and makes you want to kill people at the same time. It’s the second series with the actors Off and Gun, where they play Khai and Third. Third is a filmology major along with his best friends Two, Bone, and Khai, but he has a secret. Third has been secretly in love with Khai for years. For three years, he has kept his secret love in his heart, silently supporting and loving Khai while knowing there is absolutely no future between them since Khai is as straight as a streetlight pole and also an absolute player. To make matters worse, Khai has a "no dating friends" policy. How long can Third love Khai silently while watching Khai bring a different girl home every night? Third has tried to see Khai as just a friend. But has failed time and time again. Because as easy as it is to fall in love, to stop is just as hard. Maybe even harder. That is until Third learns a secret that breaks his heart completely. But when Third decides to stop, Khai decides to start.I absolutely loved this series and Off and Gun’s acting is just superb, please please watch it :)

https://mydramalist.com/31865-theory-of-love

12. Until We Meet Again - This one will mess you up, thirty years ago, Korn and Intouch were university students in Bangkok. At first, Korn kept pushing Intouch away, but in the end, he couldn't resist the boy who was so full of life where he was the exact opposite and decided to let him into his heart. However, in a time where homosexuality was unacceptable and having parents that were against their relationship and each other, Korn and In's love was bound to be doomed. Their story ended with tragedy. Years later, a freshly returned to Thailand, Pharm who is a freshman in T- University has grown up always feeling like he is waiting for someone. Being riddled with sad dreams that always left him waking up with a wet face, fear of loud noises, and a birthmark on his temple, the boy has always felt like there is someone he is missing. Dean the third year swimming club's president at T- University has also spent his life searching for someone whose faces he can not remember. The red thread of fate that had tied them together in their past life once again pulls the two boys back to each other, tieing them to each other and a past that might not be worth remembering, but a love that is unforgettable. This will fuck up your feelings and the better part is that the side couple will get a new series soon as well,

https://mydramalist.com/33506-until-we-meet-again-the-series

13. Why R U? - So, this one is for everyone that appreciates some steamy scenes and good acting, which unfortunately is rare. Here we have Saint and Zee playing the roles of Tutor and Fighter and it’s everything you could ask for if you are a fan of hot scenes in BL (nothing graphic obviously). Tutor is said to be ‘wise’ beyond his age and acts rationally, while Fighter is the emotional kind. They started having some animosity with each other but developed a close relationship right after. The final scenes might seem confusing but this series was caught in between the whole Covid.19 situation so they had to wrap it up however they could.

https://mydramalist.com/32592-why-r-u-the-series

14. TharnType - I’ll recommend this one due to its popularity, but please be warned for sensitive themes like R**pe attempts, and other abusive situations. It’s not my favorite BL due its themes and quite...controversial scenes that made no sense to me. But I agree that the acting was quite amazing and the chemistry was there. Type is a dark, tall, and handsome freshman. Although he’s a warm boy, he is homophobic because he was molested by a man as a child. His life turns upside down when the new year of college brings along a very interesting person in his life a gay roommate, Tharn. With a gay guy and a guy who hates gay men that have to share a small space together for the rest of the year, what can possibly be the outcome of their story? Hatred? Or maybe love?

https://mydramalist.com/32555-tharntype-the-series

So there ya go, these were the ones that fit your criteria that I could remember. If you have any more questions let me know and I hope you have fun!❤️

#sotus the series #together with me #he's coming to me #theory of love #tharntype #why r u #until we meet again #senior secret love puppy honey #my engineer #love by chance #a chance to love #dark blue kiss #history 2: boundary crossing #2gether #still2gether #en of love #2moons #2moons2

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