#thinking that monologue saved jack shit is a JOKE

[emblazons]

"Please tell me you understand."

El Hopper's Expressions While Rejecting Male Influences Listening S04E08 - Papa (Brenner's Dying Speech) S04E09 - The Piggyback (Mike's Monologue)

[mishasminions]

The Last Time I’ll Write a Long Post About Supernatural (15x18-15x20)

15 YEARS OF WATCHING THIS SHOW. 11 YEARS OF RUNNING A BLOG ABOUT IT. IT’S BEEN QUITE A RIDE.

[15x20 Speculation + evidence at the bottom]

First off, I just wanna come clean and say, after all these years, I still think they should’ve ended at Season 5.

If you’re going to come at me with “Then why’d you stick around to watch it if you didn’t like it?”, your question is immature, and the answer is simple: I just want to know what happens next (I also love the main characters and their actors too). You can watch a show and still think it’s shit.

Call me a clown, but despite all the disappointment and trust issues that this show has given me, I would still look forward to the day where it might just turn itself around and bring back the quality it once had, or realize the potential of each story it was trying to tell, or at the very least, do justice by my favorite ship.

Never happened.

They’ve had a few good episodes here and there. I can’t imagine the SPN Universe without The Man Who Would Be King, The French Mistake, and Scoobynatural. Seasons 6-10 were enjoyable at times. I blocked out most of 7 & 11-15. 

If you’ve been following this blog since its heydays in 2010-2014, you’d know I’d try my best to defend Destiel and this show’s decisions regarding it no matter what.

Because you know what, as a CONCEPT, this show is good. If you take a look at all the worlds its storylines have birthed in fanfiction/fanworks, you’d see how much Supernatural has wasted its own story arcs. The writing got shittier as each season progressed, and they’ve obviously given up in production as well because the quality in the execution has noticeably gone down too, but if you take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, you’ll see that this show still tries to make sense of itself.

[If you’re still following this post, please bear with me, I know this is long, but I just want you to understand how jaded and pessimistic I am with regards to this show, so maybe you can buy into whatever hopeful thing I’m about to say later on.]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT DESTIEL

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would give us Castiel’s “I love you” speech. To the point where, if I weren’t so desperate for it, I would argue that it was completely out of character for him to word vomit the way he did (but I’m not gonna diss on that right now because I’ll take what I can get).

I’ve valued every meaningful and obscure exchange that Dean and Cas have had in the earlier seasons, and I was willing to accept their relationship as just that--undefined, without any clear boundaries as to what they really are. And I think that was beautiful on its own.

But now, they’ve chosen to define it.

After they’ve driven every possible wedge between Dean and Castiel in seasons 11-15, to try to explain away their feelings as something they offer to a collective.

Dean can’t mourn and pray for JUST Cas, he has to mourn and pray for EVERYBODY--even Crowley, even some chick he just met, because god forbid he cries about just the guy who has given up everything for him--that would be “too homo”.

They’ve even set Cas on a path to abrupt fatherhood just so he can care about something other than Dean. Make it seem as if Dean wasn’t his purpose through and through.

And after all these years of this stupid show trying to deny it, they choose to acknowledge it at the worst possible circumstance, at a time where they’ve been so far apart, that it seems so foreign for them to suddenly come together.

But here we are. And they’ve chosen to tell us.

Chosen to tell us that everything that Castiel has done leading up to his death, he has done it because he was IN LOVE WITH DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that the ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE CAS HAPPY IS DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that BEING WITH DEAN WINCHESTER is something that CAS WANTS BUT KNOWS HE CAN’T HAVE.

And they’ve also chosen to tell us nothing about how Dean feels.

Sure, finding out your angel made a deal, the stipulations of said deal, his newfound happiness philosophy, his long-winded monologue of why he loves you and why you’re worthy of his love, and to top it all off he tells you that being in love with you is enough to make him happy while he subtly hints that he’s always wanted to be WITH you romantically, was a lot to process in the 5 minutes after you’ve just had an existential crisis.

It’s whatever, right? Let’s culminate 11 years worth of tension and feelings in 5 minutes. Let’s waste the entire episode with cringey expository dialogue, and irrelevant sequences. The whole season was a waste anyway.

You know what Supernatural? FUCK YOU FOR THAT. They deserved better. WE deserve better.

And I would love nothing more than to hurl every possible insult your way,

But for the last time, I’m going to HOPE that you’re finally going to try to make it better for the fans that stuck by you all these years.

No more baiting new viewers, no more placating casual viewers, no more excuses. 15 years. Bring it home for the people who have actually been around.

SO HERE’S HOW I THINK 15x20 IS GONNA GO

There’s two ways this series is gonna end. Horribly or Spectacularly.

First let’s all take into consideration what Andrew Dabb says about it:

So, let’s start with

ENDING HORRIBLY

In this scenario, Misha is telling the truth about his last day of filming being 15x18. His “camping trip” during the last few days of filming 15x20, was actually a camping trip. He doesn’t go to Vancouver to shoot.

Jensen wasn’t “being careful” during the zoom interviews that it was just him and Jared quarantining for the shoot, it really was just him and Jared (althought most of these were done pre 15x19) Supernatural isn’t smart enough to do misleading PR, and they’re once again oblivious to the potential of their own story.

Misha hasn’t posted a “Goodbye Castiel” tweet because he’s probably saving it for last episode or he forgot because it was overshadowed by the Destiel trend that night.

So what we get is:

Sam and Dean are on the road again, up against the monster of the week. Only their world no longer has actual Supernatural beings anymore, so the monsters they’re fighting are humans.

Humans end up killing the Winchesters (despite having gone up against literally every powerful being imaginable INCLUDING God himself). Dean and Sam end up in heaven and relive their greatest hits.

Meanwhile, Castiel rots in The Empty because he died after realizing that he was happy and gay. Jack doesn’t bother rescuing him—his surrogate dad, the guy who made this specific deal to spare him—even though it was so easy for him get Cas in and out of The Empty when he had a fraction of the power that he has now.

Dean never speaks of Castiel’s confession because despite all the hints of a profound bond in the earlier seasons, and the fact that Dean has never cared for anyone (who isn’t his actual brother) as immensely as he does Cas, Supernatural just can’t have its main macho character be “suddenly bisexual” because that would hurt the male ego or some shit.

His heaven would probably be living happily ever after with his family. “Family” meaning Mary and John Winchester--two of the shittiest parents ever (but they’re not going to include them in this episode like they were supposed to because of Covid) and Sam.

Sam also gets a dog. As usual.

I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to do this. After everything they’ve pulled, this would be right up their alley. I actually expect this ending.

Anyway, onto the next possible ending

ENDING SPECTACULARLY

In this scenario, Supernatural tries to stick the landing, and Jensen’s whole “It didn’t sit well with me at first, but then I took a step back after talking to Kripke, and realized that I had to view it from an audience perspective, I am now really excited about it” (DC Con 2019) anecdote about his thoughts on the final episodes, were actually about Dean potentially ending up with Cas. (Which would totally make sense because Jensen at first didn’t see Dean as anything but hetero, but as of late, he has been throwing in Destiel jokes of his own, so he seems to have warmed up to the idea)

Backed with Misha’s tidbit (DLConline 2020) that he and Jensen had conversations about Destiel, and that they wouldn’t have gone through with it if Jensen wasn’t onboard with it, but Jensen didn’t push back at all. (Why would they need to check with Jensen if it was just Cas going all in?)

Robert Berens (writer of 15x18) also wrote the script at the beginning of Season 15, but made Misha privy to the concept a year prior (Season 14), so they went into this season knowing about Destiel going canon.

This one’s a reach, but this scenario also supposes that Misha was lying about his whereabouts during the filming of the final episode, and him saying that 15x18 was his last episode is part of the diversion to avoid taking away from the weight of Castiel’s death.

And that Supernatural is actually self-aware of its own material (similar to how they have wrapped things up in the past—lots of expository dialogue, poor execution, but fulfills the story arc)

Since Season 15 is basically a Meta Season (Chuck/God as a writer, pretentiously calling out how he created the worlds, its characters, and basically invalidating the past 14 seasons), and 15x19 is supposedly the finale for Season 15, written by two of the worst Supernatural writers, Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming (Bob Singer’s wife), then we can assume that 15x19 is where the shitty writers kill themselves--as Chuck, of course.

So we get a badly written episode that produces a bad ending, or as Becky put it, “All action, and no Cas”

So we get the bad writers season ending at 15x19.

And 15x20 is where Sam and Dean write their own stories, and where the cast had a hand in pitching ideas for it.

Dabb has mentioned that 15x20 (Act Two) is a SERIES finale, where they try to resolve the characters’ journeys.

Because as everyone has acknowledged, Supernatural isn’t about the story, it’s about the characters.

So here’s what we can get out of it:

With no more Supernatural beings left to fight, Sam and Dean are in a stalemate. They’ve resigned themselves to fighting to the bitter end, but the “end” has passed, and they’re still standing.

So they try to figure out who they are now, and what they want out of the life they still have.

Sam still wants a normal apple pie life. Before Dean dragged him out of college to go hunting with him, he had a whole life planned out for him. Become a lawyer, settle down with a nice girl, and get a dog. He gave all that up because they had work to do, but now the work is finished, he can finally go back to wanting that for himself again.

Dean finally realizes his self-worth after Cas saves him again. His prayer to Cas in purgatory may have helped him come to terms with his anger, but the whole “you’ve done everything you did for love” speech finally put him in his place, and he learns not to hate himself anymore.

But of course, he cannot fully reconcile with himself if he doesn’t get Cas back, and tell him how he feels.

Because Dean actually wants something for himself this time. Something he knows he can finally have if he can just salvage it.

So maybe this time around, with the help of Jack (off-screen), Dean saves Cas. Grips him tight and raises him from perdition.

They bypass The Empty deal by turning Cas human, and he lives the rest of his days with Dean.

Dean and Cas know they deserve to be saved, and they know that they deserve to be happy.

(Wishful thinking, maybe they kiss a little)

Anyway...

I’m just saying, there’s NO WAY that they’d have Cas go through that whole rushed speech, if they weren’t going to do anything about it later on.

But again, after 10 years of disappointment, I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to pat themselves on the back and say, “Okay, we sort of gave them what they wanted. We’re good now”

If that’s the case, Supernatural, I’m sorry I wasted my time on you.

Here’s to hoping 🤡

[tipsydipsydo]

Pairing: tall! & sub! Reader x dom! OT7 BTS

Gender of the Reader: male

Word Count: 2.3k  

Rating: 18+

Genre: Smut/PwP

Warnings: Dirty Language + Dirty Talk; Dom-/Sub-Dynamics; accidental overhearing of a phone call, Mentions of Exhibitionism & Voyeurism; Mentions of Sex Toys & Masturbation; slightly mentioned Double Penetration; mentions of Anal play; Praising; Petnames; some Degradation; Daddy-Kink; Teasing; slight Edging; the boys are teasing the poor reader to Death

A/N: Well- that was a quick writing. Instead of studying I decided to write this funny request and to use my procrastination in a better way than scrolling stressed through TikTok. I hope y’all like it!!

Status: unedited bc I am lazy and should study. 

Request: i want to request a drabble/one shot: sub taller male reader and his seven boyfriends in which he confidently talks naughty things with his friend on phone but when he realized his bf are watching, he became crazily shy because he is just a big cute boy, then his bf decided they want to test those ‘words’ he has said, poor boy =))

Requested by: anonymous 

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I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

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Thank you.

After too many and super busy weeks full of work, you’ve finally managed to find a free afternoon in your schedule where your best friend and you have enough time for a nice, long telephone call on the couch. You are already over one and a half hour on the phone, exchanging the newest stuff that happened in your life with each other and joking around. Slowly your conversation turns their focus to your more private life and your bestie asks you about your polyamorous relationship with your boyfriends. At first just normal things like, how’s it going in general, how you all manage the relationship with all the different time schedules, how often it comes to fights and how you deal with that etc. Just normal stuff and  the ‘typical’ questions you’re already used to, when people realize that you’re not in a monogamous relationship. 

Your best friend and you grew up together. You met each other in elementary school, went through the curses of puberty as an inseparable team and even survived middle and high school thanks to the other one. Already in your teens, where both of you made your first experiences and got into your first relationships, your best friend had a guess that you’re not as straight as you want him to believe. No, they even assumed that you’re maybe not made for the typical monogamous relationship which the society preach every fucking day. 

Well, turns out that your best friend really knew you better than you did yourself back then but honestly, nowadays you’re thankful for their suggestions and that they gave you the save space you needed to dare to make new experiences in those directions. 

Nevertheless, they were still more than surprised when you introduced him to not only two or three boyfriends, no that you brought seven (!) other men to their birthday party two years ago. At first they were a little worried if you didn’t overload yourself with such a complex relationship dynamic and that it’ll turn out as a serious burden and not an enrichment for your life. Turns out, now it was their turn to make a false assumption about what’s the best for you and theu were more than happy to admit that everything turned out just fine. It truly makes their heart swell to hear the happiness in your voice through the phone everything you mention something about the boys. 

Quickly your phone call turn into an even more private talk and dedicate itself to the really interesting stuff. You’re sharing every detail in your life with another, so why should it stop when it comes to sex talk? You have absolutely no problem and any shame to talk freely with your best friend about your kinks and dirty thoughts. Sometimes you even think that you’re better informed about each other’s preferences better than your actual partner(s) are. 

“I think, I already told you that idea more than once... that I have a thing for exhibitionism and the thought of getting catched doing something ‘forbitten’ or ‘dirty’, right? Uhm... TMI but I don’t give a shit, whenever I am alone at home because they’re busy and we can’t meet for some days... I mastubate with some of the toys they’ve bought for me and imagine that they catch me. You know, when we have sessions with Dom and Sub Dynamics, they’re only temporarily and usually we go back to normal in the moment when the scene is over... that means, when I am alone and horny, I can do whatever I want to. I can jack off or fuck myself as much I desire and they wouldn’t say anything about it. It’s not like, I don’t appreciate my personal freedom when it comes to masturbation or that I want something completely different, no! We both already talked about that too, I don’t like the idea of Total Power Exchange, I prefer to be an independent person as soon as I walk out of the bedroom- okay, not only bedroom, we have sex in other places than the bedroom too- ANYWAY, what I wanted to say with that: ...”, you mutter and take a deep breath into your lungs. 

After holding such a long monologue your mouth dried up terribly and now you need quickly something to drink. You get up from the couch and walk over to the kitchen island to pour some soda into a glass. A satisfied hum leaves your throat after you took some gulps of your favourite sparkling sugar bomb. 

The whole time, where you moved around in the eat-in kitchen of the apartment, you are not that alone anymore as you thought you’d be, especially right in this moment. Namjoon, Hoseok and a boyish smirking Jimin joined you around ten minutes ago, leaning casually against the wall next to the door of the room and listen very interested to the conversation you have with your friend right now. They didn’t mean to overhear your private talk, they just wanted to know what kind of take-out food you’d prefer for tonight. 

Unfortunately your conversation turned out to be very, very interesting for them, so they decided to give you some more time to talk with your best friend about the sexual fantasies you have which they don’t know about... well, until now.

Hoseok texted the other boys in the group chat to join them in the living room as well, they need to hear those very important information too! 

Poor you, completely oblivious and naïve to what’s happening in this moment, not getting any kind of hint that not only your best friend would get those significant informations...

“...-what I actually wanted to say with that: I prefer to be independent in relation to all other non-sexual life-responsibilities. Well, that doesn’t mean we couldn’t increase the Erotic Power Exchange, right? To be very honest, I can’t get the fantasy of them taking my sextoys away and to forbid me to touch myself without their permission out of my head. I love to be their good boy and to get praises, I really do... but there is this thrill to be break the instructed rules, getting caught while doing it and getting punished for it. I want... I want to get called bad, filthy and dirty names, I want to be a disobedient, greedy and insatiable slut for them. I want to get spanked, edged and overstimulated, I want to get fucked into the mattress so bad, up to the point where I can’t get a single clear thought together and my brain turned to mush... I want to get used, ruined and wrecked by their cocks, getting my holes stuffed full with their cum and then plugged up, so nothing can run out anymore- God fuck, I should stop talking like that or I’ll get a serious problem! Well... sorry for so much detailed TMI, you know that this shit always happens when you tell me to stop overthinking and encourage me to spill everything that comes to my mind. Now you got every filthy detail you’ve asked for, you’re welcome.”, you joke sarcastically and facepalm yourself. You can’t believe how incredibly blunt and shameless you just threw your latest sex fantasy in every fucking detail at your poor best friend. 

Usually you’re more than shy to talk about such things, in your understanding the magic for your shameless mouth towards your best friend has to reside in the deep thrust you have in him and simply the knowledge that your relationship is platonic. It’s not like that you couldn’t trust your boyfriends wholeheartedly, god no! You know, that they would never kinkshame you for anything, 

it’s just... after sharing those thoughts it would result something out of it. You don’t want that they  think you’re a weirdo or that they only do specific things because they know it would turn you on. 

The other one just snorts in amusement when you voice this slight helpless apology, they can imagine the significant blush which has settled down on your cheeks. 

“Hey buddy, don’t apologize for that. There is nothing to apologizing for, I am way too curious for my own good as well and I need to make sure that you’re happy in your relationship, especially when it comes to the point if they are able to fulfill your sexual desires. I need to know that, believe me. Okay, there’s one thing... I knew you were submissive, my dude. But I didn’t expect that you’d be such a masochistic hoe and that you’d have such a thing for degradation, Jesus! Nevermind, more important: did you talked with them about that fantasy? Would they be down for this idea and would they like to be more in charge? Please do not tell me that you’re too shy to talk with them about it, not again! I tell you this every goddamn time, communication is key!”, your best friend says to you in a serious tone. 

Here you go again, getting scolded by your friend all over again. He is right, you know that... y’all already talked about ‘how to deal with certain kinks some of them or you have but the others aren’t into and how to not make them feel bad or insecure about it’ several times, you tend to overthink everything you have ever said to them all over again. You are always so flustered when seven pairs of eyes are looking at you, waiting for an answer. You are tall, even taller than Namjoon, but under their curious stares you feel always so small, fiddling with your fingers around like a little schoolboy. You love that about them, putting you into such a submissive place just with their aura and charisma and giving you the feeling as if they overtower you physically too. 

“I can absolutely agree with Y/BF/N, communication is key. Why didn’t you told us those nasty fantasies you have in your cute head up here, right away? Too shy again? Do we really need to call your best friend the next time to get some hints to your secret kinks, Babyboy?”, Taehyung rasps into your earshell and wraps his arms around you. He chuckles slightly as you squeak high-pitched in surprise. 

An equal surprised yelp of your best friend comes out of the speaker of your phone which takes Yoongi out of your hand and excuse you with the apology that ‘they need to have an important talk with you now and that you have to hang up unfortunately’. 

The display of your phone turns dark and Yoongi puts it on the surface of the kitchen island before he flashes you a dirty smile. That you’re mortified that they caught you spilling all those filthy fantasies to your best friend is the understatement of the century. Never and you mean never did you hoped so bad that the floor opens up and swallows you whole, saving you from this embarrassing misery. But Yoongi give you much time to drown in shame, coming up to you and connect your lips to a rough kiss. 

“God, I love it when our so sweet and shy Baby has such nasty and indecent fantasies in his head... why don’t you tell us these ideas in every single filthy detail once again? I think we could turn the information into some very good use, big boy~”, whispers the smaller one with blown-out eyes against your lips.

“...or would you prefer that we call you a needy cumslut, hm? The things I’ve heard give me the assumption that you want to get fucked stupid and pumped full with cum as if you are our personal playtoy?”, growls Jungkook and grabs himself a handful of your right asscheek, kneading it with a firm grip in his big palm. 

“Come on, big boy, admit that you want exactly the things Jungkook just said... I can feel how fucking hard you just got from his words... already so hard and swollen against my palm even though we barely touched you. You’re truly such a pathetic, needy slut... I bet you’d already cum in your pants if we just tease you enough... Am I right?”, chuckles Namjoon in his deep, arousal soaked timbre against your neck, nibbling at the sensitive spot of your Adam’s apple. 

“...what about we change our location to the bedroom and talk about the things you’ve said to Y/BF/N? Maybe we could try some of your newest kinks out? Would you like the thought of us watching you from the couch while you prepare your needy asshole for us? Showing us how you stuff you clenching rim with a girthy dildo? Wearing a cockring so you couldn’t cum without our permission? Prepping yourself all messy, whining for our finger, tongues and dicks in your ass like the greedy slut you are? Yeah, you’d love that thought.”, Seokjin teases you mercilessly, rolling your sensitive balls in his palm, just how you like it.  “Y-Yes, Daddies... I’d love to be a greedy cumslut for you... please turn me into one!”, you wisper. 

@cys-mental-escapades​; @bangtanloverboys​; @btsxmalereaders​

[finaledenialist]

so in one of your asks you said you dont think cas was in love with dean since the beginning and idk its interesting to me because everyone seem to think he was from the start so what is your take on that? idk im just curious haha

ohhh I wanted to make a post about this so thanks for asking!

disclaimer: I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade I just have a different take on this whole thing!!! 

So. I see people are like: OMG he was in love ALL THIS TIME SINCE 4x01 and I am like: no. 

Was he lost since he laid his hand on Dean in hell? Yes. Was he instantly in love? Nah.

See, Cas in season 4 and 5 is starting to feel. He is conflicted, he is questioning, he doesn’t have ‘people skills’, he is confused by what he feels, he knows there is a ‘profound bond’ between him and Dean and he is rebelling for Dean, because Dean has a point and Cas feels Dean is right and apocalypse and destruction are wrong, and this human is so human and he never had that connection before. Add the sexual innuendos, the eye fucking and the tension between those two and this is what i call ‘classic destiel’. I do have a strong feeling this is partly Jensen’s and Misha’s fault though haha but I am also convinced that the jokes like ‘Cas, get out of my ass!’/’Blow me Cas’ are purely for ‘comedic purposes’ because haha gay so funny (keep in mind it’s still 2008/2009 and things were so different then BUT we still got Endverse which had not only sexual stuff implied but romantic as well - ‘all we have left, Dean and I, is each other, if Dean says it’s time to go in a blaze of glory, so be it’ (I am writing this from memory so these might not have been exact lines but you know what I am talking about).

And then in season 6 and 7 is where things start to get romantic. ‘I watched you rake leaves’, Dean’s blind faith that no, Cas can’t be working with Crowley behind their backs because come on it’s Cas and the whole 6x20 episode is *chief’s kiss* and then season 7 and Cas dies to make things right and Dean keeps his trenchcoat and moves it from every car they have been using that season to always have it with him because part of me always believed you’d come back. OK, but I was meant to be talking mostly about Cas’ point of view. Which takes me back to 7x23 and I’d rather have you, cursed or not. I think these words had a major impact on Cas. Something just clicked. Because he realized that he could say these exact same words to Dean and they still would be true. 

And then we got season 8 which was a major shift and it really moved stuff from ‘sexual tension’ to ‘romantic tension’ and it’s still called ‘season fanfiction’ because I wanted to keep them away from you in purgatory and Cas generally not feeling worthy of anything but I think this is when he started to realize that what he feels is not like ‘brotherly friendship’ but something much deeper but he had his issues (I don’t deserve to be saved from purgatory thing) so he kind of kept it buried. But this was when the Real Love really started. But did he admit it to himself? Well I am not in Cas’ head but something must have been on his mind - Naomi had access too his mind and she immediately recognized that there is a certain Feeling that is dangerous and Cas needs to be fucking lobotomized (I still have shivers thinking about it). Did Naomi knew it was love? Idk, but she felt something was going on - that is why she tried to mess things up between Dean and Cas (I only wish he felt the same way ouch my heart....) and Metatron also recognized it, quicker and better (maybe because he spent much more time on earth and was generally a little more powerful and knowing as the scribe of God) and he immediately used Cas’ grace to banish angels from heaven because Cas was feeling love for a human. But did he, himself recognized it as love? Did he admit it to himself? I still have a feeling that no. I still think that his ‘I don’t know’ after Dean’s ‘What broke the connection?’ was honest.

Now let me fast forward to season 12, because this post is getting too long already and while seasons 9-11 had some good episodes and even good destiel scenes I feel this was the time many people - rightly so - were starting to lose faith in canon destiel, starting with Dean not letting Cas stay in the bunker in season 9 and bros acting like they only call Cas when they need him. I repeat - there were still some good episodes, even great ones. And we were shown Cas worried about Dean and being there for him anytime Dean called, there was so much pining but once again let me raise The Question: did Cas know what he was feeling was love? Or was he still confused, not letting himself believe, not being able to name his own feelings and emotions? And this is merely my opinion but this is also time where many people started to be bitter and negative by how writers treated Cas (and other characters in general but I am not gonna dive into that dumpster now, especially the Cas-having-sex-with-a-reaper thing which was awful, but in retrospect is even more awful because if it was Chuck’s writing this seems like some kind of sick attempt to do a conversion therapy and I want to throw up; plus he thought? he was into his boss at gas’n’sip and he thought she was into him and what even was it if not a. bad writing; b. Cas being confused; c. Cas being confused about this bad writing).

So season 12. First of all 12x12, when Cas thought he is gonna die and the infamous line ‘I love you. I love all of you’ happened. I  am 100% sure this is when Cas realized. This must have prompted questions for him. Why did I say what I said? He blurted those words out but why like that? Aaaand after some thinking I think he realized why. He must’ve been like ‘oooops’. But then Jack was about to be born and he had to protect Kelly and then he died.

And then he is in the Empty who says - I know who you love, I know what you fear, there is nothing for you out there. She doesn’t know shit, she just has access to Cas’ mind and apparently those were his thoughts, already at that time, he thought there was nothing for him out there (again, his depression issues) BUT THEN CAS, MY SWEET CAS, THIS BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER says fuck you Empty in one of his best monologues (before 15x18 I’d say it was his best but here we are) and she yeets him out, because HE decided HE is already saved and he doesn’t need a permission and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity. 

And then Jack dies and he takes the humiliating deal.  And now we’re at 15x18 and he says: ‘I have always wondered.... ever since I took that burden.... What my true happiness can even look like... Because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have’. SEE THESE WORDS HERE ARE WHY I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT. BECAUSE THEY IMPLY at least to me THAT:

1. He was aware of his feelings, he knew what he felt was love at the time he took the deal. and after that he was like ‘I guess I am immortal now’ because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have so nothing else is going to make him truly happy; this also implies that there is only one thing he truly wants and the rest is just not that important, whatever else happens won’t make him happy which is heartbreaking;

2. He knew what he wanted, so this means that at some point he wondered, he imagined, he took his time to picture the ‘thing’ he wanted. Which is life with Dean. Because he is in love. LIKE HE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, HE REALLY DID AND HE CONCLUDED THAT THIS IS OUT OF HIS REACH (now people argue if that is because he thinks it’s unrequited or because he thinks that something something hunter life-fighting all the time-no attachments lifestyle won’t allow them to have this sort of life - and frankly, knowing that he learned everything, or almost everything about emotions from Dean, who isn’t really good at them, I am not surprised if he is sure that this feeling is one-sided, because maybe he conquered his fears in the Empty the first time around but taking the deal must have made him anxious and Chuck still calls him self-hating so he probably thinks this is one-sided and he is unworthy of love anyway);

3. He tried to imagine different scenarios that would make him happy but eventually it all came down to That One True Scenario, out of his reach, that couldn’t compare with anything else, and he tells Jack - you know about that deal, it’s ok, I don’t see myself becoming happy anytime soon AND IT HURTSSS

so to conclude and tl;dr - I think Cas realized that what he was feeling was love after 12x12 although he felt it before but might have been confused by it. I do not think he was ~in love~ since 4x01. There was tension and there was pining but no. This feeling evolved, it didn’t *just* happen in the barn. 

also i am so sorry this took so long but i have thoughts and feelings and can’t form a coherent sentence since november 5th anyway thanks for asking nonny, ily!!!!

[fogsrollingin]

SPN 15x19 Inherit the Earth review

I slept restlessly last night, every time I woke up adding more and more thoughts about the episode on my phone. It's 7:15AM and ready to share.

Here’s sort of my wide-frame conclusion:

I think what's nuts is that... I'm really focused on the brothers, right? I think their relationship is the heart of this show. But I never saw them as self-isolating, or codependent. I saw them as always choosing to be together because they liked each other the most, and together they do a great job building out friendships and relationships that support them and vice versa. And that... when all they have is each other, they can and do carry each other, and watching that is always going to be compelling for me. But framing "all they have is each other" as happiness, as a form of freedom, that's a hard no for me. "When all they have is each other"? That's fucking whump. That's pain, grief, desperation, anxiety, nightmares. It's compelling because it's the hurt of the unfair, vicious universe and the comfort of each other.

So... I don't understand how this callback to early seasons just driving doing cases in the Impala together at the end feels like a genuinely happy ending. That was the hell they were going through that made me fall in love with how they saved each other as they kept going...

My full review under the cut.

To start, I admit I felt the loss of Miracle the dog, that was a good gutshot that I didn't see coming. I was staggered by it but giving the writers a thumbs up for it. I also thought introducing Lucifer by pretending to be Cas, I was like holy shit not only has Chuck given them an empty world, he's serving up every trigger and relishing in extinguishing every morsel of hope. That was compelling. And yes I love whump, Whumptober was awesome this year. Anyway, I thought that was quality emotional and psychological torture (I didn't read it as a joke at all).

So the whole plot of the episode and how it played out. First, we're kept in the dark from Sam & Dean's clever heisty-heist machinations and instead we watch this speeding train of sudden deaths and insta-betrayals inside the bunker with no time to breathe or process any of it. That was the worst-paced series of events. And then Michael calls it a battle afterwards. That wasn't a battle. I don't even know what the fuck that was.

Ok but then finally we're at the beach. Bloody boys, Sam holding Dean, both grinning with red in their teeth is a good aesthetic.

But then all of a sudden, all too soon, it's learning hour. Audiences are emotionally in it with Sam and Dean but now we're asked to pull back and listen to this very lengthy exposition dump with flashbacks. I mean... Is this not screenwriting 101? Chuck just beat them to smithereens, there is no time for the exposition dump+flashbacks, fucking finish him!

Also this was a terribly executed heist device. Here's why: heist formulas require you tip your audience off on some but not all of the ways your protags are gonna pull everything off. Think of Ocean's Eleven, where you're given so many explicit scenes and clues as to what elaborate things they're orchestrating and how, and then it's a thrill when it all comes together at the end. That wasn't this. Not even remotely.

For Pete's sake this was just so badly written.

Right before Calvert's monologue as the new God was buckleming's penchant to write (and Jensen's unfortunate predilection to act) Dean as obtuse, steamrolling over everything that has happened to try to get Jack in the car and back to the bunker. Wasn't a fan of that. Sam's call to Dean, the subtle "cool it, listen" tone was nice though.

I liked Jack as the new God. His speech at the end there was well done. I didn't catch if he said "I won't come if you call" to Sam & Dean. The way the rest of the episode felt, it seemed like he did indicate that though.

Okay now to the scene in the bunker. This empty nest was painful. The pangs of utter loneliness struck me harder than anything in that zoom up to them at the polished table with all those initials. Fancy bunker and no one left to share it with anymore, and it feels like a coffin.

No throwaway line that Sam got a hold of Eileen, huh? Reassurance they've discovered they'll be able to get a line through to Jack whenever they want? How are Jodie, Donna and the girls? AU Charlie and her girlfriend?

It was difficult to remember Jack had even brought them back at all because there was no mention, no celebration of them. I understand covid was happening, we couldn't get the montage of supporting cast materializing which is what I suspect they had to cut, but that doesn't mean you totally ignore it happened. In an episode so damn top-heavy with needless exposition, Buckleming opted out of this one? Seriously?

So. Instead we got Dean's cheersing Sam "to everyone we've lost along the way" but who did they actually lose lately that hasn't been restored back to them? Castiel. Just one beloved character. What the... ugh, this fucking episode.

The dialogue, Jensen's acting, was all immensely discordant with what feels like the losses we've sustained even if most of them have been restored... but like I said the feeling of this scene was so desolate. Sam and Dean have certainly lost their Team Free Will though and that's the loss I'm really feeling I think. Jack's in the wind (literally, in every particle), Cas seems gone for good, and SPN framed it like "this is freedom!" replete with a giddy happy Dean instead of what it felt like to me: a nightmare. A nightmare reminiscent of S7 when Gamble stripped them of Bobby, Cas, the Impala.

Sam, for one, and credit to Jared, still seemed upset/traumatized about it. Even when Dean's blithely telling him to buck up, ::side hug, Sam kinda flinchy, trying to feel whatever bizarre elation Dean's got going on:: we get to start writing our own story now!

...which by the way validated angry!rage!Dean about the "rat in a cage" thing, and I'll be honest I'm a little bitter Dean got what he so desperately wanted (more than Cas, more than Sam; feels like this season Dean was just an angerball with his eyes on the prize of 'true freedom' with his brother and the angel in love with him just tearfully following along). So Dean gets this true freedom finally and he's just... Happy? No acknowledgement how he hurt Sam, Jack, and Cas along the way? No struggle with what this cost?

Apparently not, because Buckleming writes Dean as still that simple man whose dream life, now he's truly free, now they've killed God and installed a new one, is STILL JUST DRIVING DOWN A FUCKING HIGHWAY WITH HIS LITTLE BROTHER IN THE PASSENGER SEAT. ARE YOU SERIOUS. KILL GOD SO YOU CAN JUST GO BACK TO DOING WHAT YOU ALWAYS DID ANYWAY???

Because fuck depth and development. And fuck Sam too for that matter. So many opportunities this season for Sam to have a moment of self-reflection and say what his vision of a happy ending is too but nada. We can only hope Sam's dream life has been subsumed into Dean's? I guess?

This is so depressing.

Anyway, going back to happy Dean side-hugging Sammy, towards the end it seems SPN's framing agrees with Dean to be happy, to buck up. Come on, audience! Sam finally manages a grimace of a smile as they get up off the table and walk toward the camera like their next stop is Disneyworld. "Vacation" by the Go Go's should've played during that montage for the perfect discordant, inauthentic, forced happiness they shoved down our throats... with a montage of unremarkable scenes.

Maybe it's like... Last week was for destiel fans, this week was for bronlies, and next week Dabb's going to mix em. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a time jump. I hope it's just like 3-ish years or so though and not like a stupid Harry Potter epilogue.

I think what's nuts is that... I'm really focused on the brothers, right? I think their relationship is the heart of this show. But I never saw them as self-isolating, or codependent. I saw them as always choosing to be together because they liked each other the most, and together they do a great job building out friendships and relationships that support them and vice versa. And that... when all they have is each other, they can and do carry each other, and watching that is always going to be compelling for me. But framing "all they have is each other" as happiness, as a form of freedom, that's a hard no for me. "When all they have is each other," that's fucking whump. That's pain, grief, desperation, anxiety, nightmares. It's compelling because it's the hurt of the unfair, vicious universe and the comfort of each other.

So... I don't understand how this callback to early seasons just driving doing cases in the Impala together feels like a genuinely happy ending. That was the hell they were going through that made me fall in love with how they saved each other as they kept going...

[justmenoworries]

Record Of Ragnarok - Review (Warning: Major Spoilers)

Shuumatsu no Walküre or, as it’s known in other countries, Records Of Ragnarok, is an Action Manga by Takumi Fukui, Shinya Umemura and Chika Aji that centers around the end of the world. As of now, it has 33 chapters, contained in 6 volumes.

Summary:

The story in a nutshell is that the gods have become fed up with humanity and decided to just fuck it and kill us to do whatever it is gods do in peace. The valkyrie Brunhilde objects rather strongly to this and invokes the Ragnarok clause to give humanity a chance to survive. The gods and the humans each provide 13 champions to fight for them and whichever side has the most victories after 13 rounds wins. If humanity wins, we keep living and if the gods win, we get unalived.

Pros:

The Premise. The stakes are high enough to get you pumped for each battle and it also leaves a lot of room for moral greyness on both sides. On one hand, we have the gods who strive to eradicate humanity and are almost unanimously presented as privileged jerkasses - but then you get characters like Heracles and Buddha who are technically on the divine side, but are shown to actually not support the plan to kill all humans. On the other hand we have humanity literally fighting to survive - but the manga never shies away from showing that humans are not all innocent cinnamon roles and even poses the question if humanity really deserves to survive sometimes. I mean, how much would you want to root for people who are having Jack the Ripper, a scumbag serial killer, fight as one of their champions? Speaking of which...

The champions. A few of you might have perked up at the mention of Jack the Ripper. As it turns out, whether a champion has been dead for years by the time of the story’s present doesn’t really matter: They get to participate all the same. Leading to a bunch of historical characters getting the chance to prove their badassery in the ring. Even better? This story follows the “all myths are true and all gods exist”-rule. You heard right: Every deity, no matter what religion or what part of the world they originated from, has the potential to become an anime villain! Ever wanted to see Lü Bu going at it with Thor? Well, now you can! Wanna see who’d win in a wrestling match between Raiden Tameemon and Shiva? Just read this manga!

The world-building. Record’s lore and backstories are detailed enough to have their own side-chapters and some of the characters’ pasts really make you feel for them. Wanna know how much? This manga, for a split-second at least, made me feel sorry for an unrepentant serial killer. The writing is just that good.

The art-style. It’s incredibly expressive and detailed, especially in the fight- scenes. The covers are beautiful, the character design is creative and gives every character their own, distinct style. And I know this may sound perv-y, but Aji Chika really knows how to draw naked bodies. Just... don’t pay too much attention to the anatomy.

The battles. As of the time I’m writing this, 4 out of 13 fights have been concluded and the fifth one is currently playing out. Each of the fights demonstrate so much personality and the match-ups are insanely cool. It’s never a closed case which combatant is going to win, each fight has so many twists and turns and the fighters themselves have a lot of chemistry with each other. Their motivations are, for the most part, understandable and fit the characters. If you can, check out the youtube - series by AmiasD Backup, you won’t regret it. The editing and the added background music really bring out the inherent epicness of the manga.

Cons:

The battles tend to suffer from, what i like to call, Anime Battle Syndrome. The action will screech to a halt at several points in order to let the characters monologue about their strategy, boast of their former accomplishments or just kinda... talk to each other for no good reason at all. Or have the background characters talk about something that just happened at length until you just want to shout “I know! I saw, I was there!”And the flashbacks detailing the combatants’ backstories are often just tedious. I know I praised them in my Pro-list, but no matter how cool a backstory is, if it comes smack in the middle of a hyped-up confrontation, it’s annoying! I don’t wanna see five pages of a character reminiscing how they once ate a bug when they were six, I wanna see two guys beat the shit out of each other to decide the fate of all of humankind! Just tell me the story after the battle, jfc.

The comedic aspects of the story are not handled well. I mean, I get it: In a story about the literal end of the world not having at least a few lighter moments would probably lead to the readers putting down the manga eventually because it just got too depressing. But the way Records handles it can cause some pretty big whiplash. One moment you’re on the edge of your seat, biting your fingernails in anticipation of how a certain move in the current battle has played out - only to be confronted with a joke about how Ares is dumb, or one of the background characters making an inappropriate comment. Add to that the uncomfortably high number of sexist and sometimes rape-y jokes and you got a pretty yikes collection of failed attempts to implant humor. Speaking of which...

The manga has a really weird and uncomfortable relationship with women. They’re either oversexualised to the point of being nothing more than a walking, bouncing pair of breasts and hips, or side-lined in order to give all the spotlight to the male characters. For example: The valkyries. The valkyries in norse mythology are a people of badass warrior maidens. In the manga, it’s the valkyrie Brunhilde who kickstarts the tournament for humanities’ right to keep existing. She’s also the one who selects the human champions and prepares them for their upcoming battles by introducing them to their valkyrie-partners, their “Volund”, and she acts as an overseer for each round. She’s about the most involved female character you’ll get in this story. Her sisters, the other valkyries, are literally objectified to serve as weapons to the male champions. One of them is brutally forced to submit to her partner, in a scene that is eerily  reminiscent of assault. You’d think an amazon brigade as famous as the valkyries would be treated better than that, in a manga centered around fighting. Nope. They just get to be inanimate objects for the guys to wield. Oh, and if a champion dies, so does his Volund. So not only do the valkyries not get to fight themselves, they pay the price if their partner screws up. Lovely. Another glaring point I want to bring up: There are no female champions. On either side. We get shown a list of the human champions early on and all of them are male. All the divine combatants so far have been male, too. And there’s no indication that that’ll change in the future. Which is weird, because there is certainly no shortage of badass female characters that could have been used in the plot, both historical and mythological. But nope! Pure sausage fest is what we get instead. What’s that? You wanted to see Jeanne d’Arc or Ishtar or Sekmet or Lyudmila Pavlichenko or Anne Bonnie, or literally any of the dozen of amazing female fighters history and mythology have produced? Tough luck! Saving humanity is apparently a men-only sport.

Overall, Record Of Ragnarok is a story with an interesting premise and a plot rife with potential, but it just has too many flaws for me to declare it perfect or even good, to be honest.

For what it is, it’s an okay read. If you’re willing to muscle through the blatant misogyny prevalent in some parts of it. And the rather painful attempts at humor.

4.9/10. Could’ve been done better.

[castiel-kline]

KitKat’s Random Rewatch (part 2)

The Man Who Would Be King (6x20)

For, um. Obvious reasons.

Ahhhhh this monologue is so fucking good

“But come on, dried dung can only be stacked so high.” Cas should do a stand up routine ngl. This line is some kind of comedic genius

He looked RIGHT at the camera. I remember the first time I saw that I was like hello, this ep is going to destroy me. Spoiler alert: it did. And does.

Cas called Sam being in the cage “a great cost” and immediately went to get him. 🥺 And did he seriously imply his overconfidence gave him the strength to fight his way into the cage? Damn. Confusing, but go off I guess

“Sometimes we’re lucky enough to be given a warning. This should have been mine.” AHHHHH

Cas, come on. You’re smart enough to pick up on when Dean’s being sketchy

Dean said Satan Jr and I forgot this was season 6 for a sec and was about to get mad because that’s not a nice thing to call Jack, Dean. Um, yeah. Turns out they’re talking about Crowley lmao

I have MISSED Crowley’s shouting. He’s so dramatic.

Cas is so done with Crowley’s shit ahaha

The colors of his preferred Heaven are so beautiful

Cas being happy to see other angels will never not make me sad. He’s literally smiling so big considering it’s his s6 self ahhhh. AND THEY’RE HAPPY TO SEE HIM AND HAPPY HE’S ALIVE MY EMOTIONS HURT AHHH

“Freedom is a length of rope, and God wants you to hang yourself with it.” One of my favorite Cas quotes right there

“You never look like you’re joking.” I love Cas’s sense of humor so much. Also, Raphael, kindly stop being an asshole. We do not need to restart the Apocalypse, thanks.

When did Cas stop doing the invisibility thing? Bc that could have come in handy later. Can Jack do that?

Bobby said he doesn’t want to be right about Cas being sketchy. Aww. I wonder if Bobby would have considered Cas one of his boys like Mary did if Bobby had... you know. Lived to see Cas soften out a little bit.

‘I’d die for him, I would.” Aww, Sam.

“That makes you Lois Lane.” Did... did Dean just say Sastiel rights?

I’d be more touched about Dean defending Cas but like... after this he doesn’t ever really give him the benefit of the doubt again, so. I’m a little upsetti spaghetti.

What was up with this demon Bobby guy. He’s funny but like. This is the only time we ever saw him lol

Cassss smite them demons bby. Get em.

All of their smiles at him are so cute. And Cas is just standing there like oop

“I’m still just Castiel.” YES YOU ARE HONEY. AND WE LOVE IT.

Cas is such a bad liar but like he’s also so good at it. Buddy, you’re so complicated. Wouldn’t have it any other way <3

Protective Cas! We love to see it.

OH SHIT he slammed Crowley into the wall so hard it broke the tile. King shit, Cas.

“I’m an angel, you ass.” Another iconic line. This ep has so many.

So it IS official canon that angels don’t have souls. Well, that sure sheds a lot of painful new light on the soulless Jack situation later.

I know Dean says later that Cas could have asked him for help while he was with Lisa, but tbh I’m pretty sure if Cas had actually asked Dean would have said no. I’m in a psychology course right now, and that makes me marginally qualified to say that Dean was definitely experiencing some major hindsight bias.

What happened to Hell being an endless line? When did you stop that, Crowley? Because that would have saved Bobby and Kevin and Eileen so much unnecessary pain.

“Big bald patriarch” is now the only acceptable way to describe Samuel Campbell. That was hilarious. Thanks, Crowley.

I should also mention it’s weird to see Crowley without the beard. Does anyone else get that upon rewatch?

Did Cas actually take 50000 souls from Crowley just to throw Raphael out of his chair and make a statement? Honey, no. But also, king <3

The trap they set for him... Sam looks so sad about it. Ahh.

Okay but one of Bobby’s reasons not to trust Cas being that Bobby didn’t buy that Cas could be effectively tricked by Crowley is pretty cool. At least someone appreciates how smart Cas really is.

The Sam and Cas angst in this scene is immaculate. When Sam asks, “did you bring me back soulless on purpose?” Cas looks HORRIFIED. I don’t think we see him look that level of horrified again until... the end of 15x15 maybe? With that whole whammy Jack unloaded. Which is... wow. Much to unpack.

“I was there. Where were you?” I think we all know Dean is a little bit of a hypocrite. Because this entire season he most definitely didn’t care about Cas’s problems, and I’m pretty sure he did ask for help one time and they said no. So, you were there, but you weren’t a helping hand. You gotta practice what you preach, Dean-o

I know it was a complicated situation but leaving him in the holy fire is still pretty shitty. Come on, guys

“Get out of my sight.” I’m grinning during an intense scene because GO OFF CAS YOU TELL HIM

“The difference between you and me is I know what I am.” Crowley, kindly stop exacerbating Castiel’s self worth crisis. Please and thanks.

Does Bobby have a guest room? Where’s Sam? Why is Dean sleeping on the couch? Did he just want to? I’m sure Bobby has more comfortable places to sleep. Or maybe Bobby’s couch is just really comfy, idk

God, Dean, don’t be so rude. Don’t call Cas a child. I do not approve of this interaction.

Again, Dean. Practice what you preach.

“You’re like a brother to me.” In light of, uh, recent events, I’ll just leave this here.

Also in light of recent events, this is the second time in this episode Cas said the boys taught him free will. They taught him choice, not feelings. And it was CAS who chose to feel.

“I’m an angel. You’re just a man.” You tell him, Cas

Lmao Cas dipped out before the convo was over. Iconic.

The ending on the bench.... Cas. Sweetie. HE SAID FATHER AHHH. And he looks so SAD. Also, the way it was shot was really cool. I can’t believe I didn’t notice that before.

The way it ended with him just hanging his head. Oh, my heart.

Anyway, this episode is a 10/10 for Cas, obviously, but we’re bumping it down to 8/10 because there was such an imbalance in Dean and Cas vs. Sam and Cas interactions. Didn’t remember the show was doing that crap this early. Also, the plot of season 6 low key still doesn’t make sense to me. Oops 🤷‍♀️

HOWEVER, it did me feel slightly better during my current crisis because Cas slays in this one. So, we’re gonna count it as a win.

If you read this thing all this way through, thanks for being here lol. I hope you enjoyed my ramblings. :)

[365days365movies]

January 6, 2021: Last Action Hero (1993) (Part 1)

Let’s have some fun, shall we?

Comedy is my favorite genre, and I obviously also love action. So, when looking at the subgenres to cover this month, action-comedy most certainly was at the top of the list. But what exactly is action-comedy?

Exactly what it sounds like, funnily enough. Action-comedies rely on physical action sequences to further the plot, but also inject dialogue with humor and jokes throughout the script. Entertainment and amusement combined into one beautiful, succinct package. I’ll be judging the writing for these movies on how much they made me laugh while watching it. That said...

OK, so, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Last Action Hero. Schwarzenegger isn’t exactly the most emotionally expressive actor in the world, as you’ve probably noticed. And expressiveness is somewhat necessary to express humor. Look at Eddie Murphy up there, and see how expressive he is. Schwarzenegger...doesn’t have that. At all. But, this movie could still be funny! Shane Black wrote it, and he wrote one of my favorite guilty pleasure Halloween movies, The Monster Squad. So, I’m looking forward to this movie for that in and of itself. And with that...

 Recap

We start with a sick guitar lick on Christmas Day, as a group of cops close in on a criminal known as the Ripper holding children hostage at an elementary school. But then...Jack Slater (played, naturally, by Arnold Schwarzenegger) arrives. And yes, this is a parody character and scene, meant to lambast all of the stereotypical renegade cop tropes that I’ve literally never seen in a movie. Like, I guess Lethal Weapon and Beverly Hills Cop have it, but I think this character concept has been Flanderized into...well...Jack Slater.

Slater kicks a cop through a window with a Schwarzenegger-esque action line, and CRUSHES A RADIO LIKE A NAPKIN. I appreciate Schwarzenegger making fun of himself like this, and we’ve only just begun. Jack goes through banter with the Ripper (Tom Noonan), who...is unironically terrifying. Holy shit, that guy is creepy as fuck, and his stylized ax is intimidating as hell. And as he holds Slater’s son hostage out of revenge, the two face off with some cool action beats, and...

...Shit, I think I want to watch this movie. And I don’t mean Last Action Hero, I mean the in-universe movie that our actual main character, Danny Madigan (Austin O’Brien) is watching. Danny’s a big Jack Slater fan, and one of the only patrons of a movie theater owned by Nick (Robert Prosky). Nick, a kind old man, invites Danny to see the next Slater film before anybody else. And honestly, I get it. I’d watch this movie series unironically if it existed, real talk. Mostly because it seems fun.

Danny’s skipped school just to see this movie, and he walks into his English class, where the teacher shows Lawrence Olivier as Hamlet. Fun fact! The English teacher showing it is played by Joanne Plowright, Olivier’s real life wife! Very sweet! Anyway, Danny, bored by a goddamn classic movie, conjures a different movie in his head.

Fuck yes. I need this movie to exist. 

We learn from Danny’s mother (Mercedes Ruehl) that his father has recently died, and he spends far too much of his time watching movies at Nick’s theater. I look forward to this revelation never being explored. As he’s headed to the theater when he isn’t supposed to, he opens the door at the exact wrong time, and A ROBBER BREAKS INTO HIS PLACE, OH SHIT! Confronted with the type of real danger that he’d see in an action movie, and with no action hero to save him, the robber finds nothing of value and leaves the place. He gets rescued by the cops eventually, and they tell him to go home. But, no, he goes...to the movies.

Mom might have a point there, sport.

While he’s there, Nick brings him in, and begins to monologue to him about his past in the theater business. And that monologue introduces the MacGuffin of the film: the Golden Ticket, given to Nick by Houdini himself, and an alleged portal to another world.

So, is this gonna be more of a Pagemaster situation, or a The NeverEnding Story deal? The Golden Ticket is torn for admission, Danny sits down, and the movie-in-a-movie begins in earnest. In the film, Slater’s cousin Frank (Art Carney in his last film role) is being held hostage by the crime boss Vivaldi (Anthony Quinn), and his henchman...one of the most immediately visually interesting characters I’ve ever seen in a film...in a FILM.

Benedict (played by Charles Dance), is immediately a fascinating character, essentially a non-Marvel Bullseye, and a gunsman with flawless precision. And yeah...I dig it. Oh, how I dig it.

Jack Slater arrives in his snakeskin boots, and discovers Frank, who delivers a message in the cheesiest death sequence I’ve ever seen, followed by the cheesiest bomb compound I’ve ever seen, followed by a bigger explosion than anyone would’ve expected, FOLLOWED by...OK, look, the references to other action movies in this are already ridiculous and all over the place, and I refuse to spoil them all for those of you who’ve never seen this movie.

By the way, I gotta make a comment about Danny real quick. Watching this many action movies may have made him a little...detached...from reality. I say this because he expressed no shock or emotion during or after the robbery, then went immediately to the movie theater, and had no reaction whatsoever about the death of the two cops in the movie. Little budding sociopath, that Danny.

Although, that might change, now that the ticket’s getting all magic-y, and a stick of ACME dynamite (actually in the film, I swear) makes its way into the theater. It explodes, and Danny inexplicably (magically, even) finds himself in the movie. So, Pagemaster, then.

Danny’s complete lack of reaction and emotion in this situation confirms my theory on him being a liiiiiiiiiiittle detached from reality. But then...the most gloriously stupid thing I’ve seen this month happens.

Arnold proceeds to make a pun that is NOT “Nasty brainfreeze,” and I am disappointed forever. Who wrote this? Who wrote this?

We get a car chase fueled with jumps, gunfire, puns, a casual mention of premature ejaculation, and Coca Cola product placement, all accompanied by Danny finally showing a modicum of reaction to the fact that he is IN A FUCKING MOVIE. REACT MORE, DANNY. At his age, I would have soiled myself immediately. At MY age, I would soil myself if this happened to me! Anyway...

OK, I just have to say this now: this movie has some of the most insane shots and set-ups that I’ve ever seen, and by GOD, I am here for it. Like...Did you SEE the motorcycle dress girl panic while a man WAS ON FIRE IN THE BACKGROUND? Earlier, a car does an INSANE jump and crash and explodes in the BACKGROUND, and the movie just treats it like a pigeon flew on set! Nobody cares! THE SCENES IN THIS MOVIE MAKE INSANITY AN ART FORM.

Anyway...we get to the LAPD, and...HOLY SHIT. IS THAT…

Was that Sharon Stone as Catherine Trammel from Basic Instinct, and Robert Patrick as T1000 from Terminator 2? I...but...wait...if...how...I’m broken now. 404, blue screen, reboot, update needed, WHAT?!? I...just...SO many questions, and this movie better answer them.

We see some added insanity, including a man with a houndstooth suit which I DESPERATELY WANT but could not pull off. There’s literally a buddy cop generator, where we also see a rabbi cop, and an Amadeus reference is dropped as F. Murray goddamn Abraham (playing a cop named Practice) appears in this movie, and THEN...an animated cat cop sexually harasses a female cop. I am not joking.

Am...am I insane? Also, if I was in the theaters watching this movie-in-a-movie, I would be both angry and confused as to what in the FUCK was happening!!! WHY IS THERE AN ANIMATED CAT COP IN MY JACK SLATER MOVIE? WHO DIRECTED THIS BULLSHIT (in universe)?? Also that cat was recently suspended, and is also one of their best men.

And then, Danny uses his knowledge of the Jack Slater franchise to break down the barriers of repressed affection between the chief and Slater, and it’s briefly heartwarming for some reason. Anyway, they’re now suspicious of his knowledge of Slater’s life, and this leaves to the inevitable buddy cop pairing of Jack Slater and Danny Madigan. This art-deco something walks by…

...and I desperately need to know more about the art direction of this film. Because, wow, it is an absolute masterpiece of randomly exaggerated shit, damn.

To prove his point about being in a movie, Danny goes to a Blockbuster, which... man, does THAT bring me back! That’s right you young whippersnappers, I WAS THERE FOR BLOCKBUSTER IN THE ‘90s! We used to go to the store and look at the VHSs. I remember seeing The Lost World there, but my dad said I was too young for it. I was sad, but he got me some candy and a Really Wild Animals video, and we watched it that night after Carmen Sandiego. My God. It was paradise.

Anyway, Schwarzenegger doesn’t exist, and find out that Stallone has taken over his roles.

...I’d watch that. I’d watch the HELL out of that. Danny then uses some legitimately impressive math to dissect the “555” number thing in movies, as well as pointing out the lack of non-conventionally attractive women. Which, credit to you, kiddo, for addressing the overwrought emphasis on conventional attractiveness that permeated Hollywood at this time, and to this day. I mean, he’s not criticizing it, but he is pointing it out, and that’s better than nothing in the ‘90s.

Danny guides his way to Vivaldi’s house, where the butler is...Professor Toru Tanaki! He looks exactly like Odd Job from the James Bond series, but the actor is SubZero from The Running Man! You know, the hockey killer!

Anyway, after crack about Schwarzenegger’s “I’ll be back” line, a conversation with Benedict (who has a smiley face instead of a bullseye), and some terrible CGI dogs, Benedict becomes correctly convinced that something’s up with Danny. They arrive at his house, and his college-aged daughter Whitney (played by Bridgette Wilson, in her first film role in and out of the movie, in a neat little twist!) kisses Danny directly on the mouth, and I’m a liiiiiiittle uncomfortable with that. Anyway, we brush right past that, and realize that his son...died. Oh. Uh. Guess we didn’t see the end of that movie, huh? Yikes. Poor Jack.

Hey, Benedict and his gang arrive at Slater’s place! Fun! There’s a sort-of amusing play on “harming a hair on one’s head,” and the interrogation continues. Charles Dance is legitimately threatening as Benedict. And, while we’re at it, Bridgette Wilson has an entertaining action sequence all her own.

Anyway, Jack arrives, and makes a ridiculous jump off of the balcony to pursue Benedict. Benedict name drops getting a tank, which I’m assuming is named the Chekov (film trope reference there, have a good time). Danny realizes that he’s the comedy sidekick of the movie, and at this point, I need to mention something: in case you haven’t noticed, this film is delightfully meta. And I love that about it. 

But it’s also...cluttered. You’ll see what I mean in a little bit, but real talk, I didn’t realize that Benedict had stolen the ticket until Danny mentioned it, because I was apparently quite distracted. And this is an important plot point, as Benedict soon realizes the true power of the ticket, cleverly overlaid by the opening to the Twilight Zone, with Rod Serling mentioning traveling to another dimension. Also...his eye was a bomb. What. Anyway, that explosion results in Slater officially getting fired from the department, and the chief...

Um. Yeah, this movie is also kind of a cartoon, not including the cartoon cat. And you have no idea how much I’m omitting from this movie. The digitization of Humphrey Bogart, the fact that Slater can’t say “fuck” in a PG-13 movie, the surprising character realization that Slater’s ex-wife is actually remarried, the clearly dominatrix cop clad in leather, the fact that there’s a plan to detonate a nerve gas-infused bomb stuffed into a dead man nicknamed Leo the Fart at his own funeral, a digitization of Humphrey Bogart. Yeah, I said that last one twice, because the effect actually holds up really well, like, seriously.

OK, let’s take a break, yeah? Part 2 later today!

[benverlesbians]

your kin boy richie

oh HERE we go!!!

1. he’s a piscean man so he automatically has NO rights

2. he screwed his highkey iconic taste in men stats by crushing on NOT ONLY the saddest 80s miniseries mini eddie knockoff because of fuckign STREET FIGHTER, but like. being dumb enough to not even know that he was related to bowers. u got a crush on this boy bc he kicked your ass at fucking street fighter and you havent even had a conversation? did u even know his name??? stop coopting lesbian culture!!!!!

3. and ANOTHER thing!!!! he acted like the losers fighting was him getting dumped and he goes on a pubescent gay rebound with the ABSOLUTe worst option, and then pulls some sad little self-flagellatory “im in love with my best friend who’s mad at me right now and a symbol of how cisheteronormative masculine expectations are crushing me, a gay child in a small town in the 80s, just tried to kill me in public, so now i’m gonna carve our initials into the kissing bridge in defiance of the universe and in hopes that someday it’ll mean what it looks like it should and that’ll be okay and we’ll be friends again” ritual??? bitch???? 

4. his tunnel vision is soooooooooooo blatant like babe. baby boy. you’re not subtle. *almost gets eaten by spider-stan* “Eddie? baby? you okay?” *is under attack by fortune cookies and on the opposite side of the room as eddie, who is being defended by BEN who would NEVEr let anything bad happen to him* “EDDIE!!!! EDDIEEEE!!!!!” like shut up you are so LOUD

5. the tenderness of him cupping eddie’s cheek v. the dick move of it being his stab wound cheek… he has a neck! he has another cheek! don’t go slapping his stab wounds!

6. like im still mad about That Scene but like. that was a thr*ugh and thr*ugh st*b w*und and you need to apply pressure on both sides…. logically the only way to s*ve his l*fe would’ve been a hug and it’s stupid that they didn’t let that happen. also like. if all the living losers have to be in the circle to kill It why the FUCK didn’t he either a) stay with his man and kill the clown from afar or b) carry him in?!?! hello?!?! support your childhood sweetheart AND your friends’ clown-killing agenda simultaneously. 

7. he flirts via insults because that’s how he shows he’s paying attention and it only works on eddie bc he does the same thing MEANWHILE he flirts with poor sweet lesbian ben bc ben’s ripped as shit and jacked as fuck by... like he STARTS OUT being mildly offensive and then he just gets real gay and its like “oh okay so you do have social skills you just turn them off because you only absorb the ATTENTION part of NEGATIVE ATTENTION if you have feelings for the attentee got it”

8. stop MONOLOGUING not everything is an opportunity to make a JOKE just fucking THROW THE ROCK!!! if i were going to throw a rock at an evil clown demon’s face to try and injure it and save my friends, i would simply not get caught in the deadlights while making a pop culture reference. rip to richie tozier but i’m different

BONUS DRAG: just bc as an adult you make your hair straight doesn’t mean you can make your you straight or make anyone think you are!

[carry-on-my-pretty-weeper]

Catching Lightning Chapter 23

Author: carry-on-my-pretty-weeper

Character(s): Reader, Tony, Sam, Thor, Loki, Avengers and Peter

Word Count: +1.3k

Warnings: nothing too bad, crying and stuff

Author’s Note: so this is the last chapter to the Catching Lightning series minus the epilogue but guys I can’t even begin to describe how I feel right now. just the pride that I feel right now is truly indescribable I wrote enough for it to be a book. 42 thousand words. 42 thousand! guys i’m honestly so blown away just thank you to every single person that took the time to read or leave a like or comment or follow me. you all are what make this possible because if I felt like no one wanted to read what I wrote then I wouldn’t have written anything. which also wouldn’t have given me enough experience to actually write my own book with my own original characters. so thank you. thank you so fucking much I owe you all so much.

Series Masterlist

<< 22 // Epilogue >>

You know I quite like the silence. The nothing. There’s absolutely nothing to do with it besides think about the things that could’ve been or reflect on the things that were.

Like my friends. Ned, MJ, and Peter.

My family of my Mom and Dad.

My community that stood behind me. That I protected.

One of my favorite memories was of a movie night. A movie night. Seems so mundane now but it was when I was the most happy. My friends and family surrounding me with love. MJ attached to my waist, my hand in Ned’s and my head in Peter’s lap. My parents in the kitchen cooking us some food. I can’t even remember what. Star Wars marathon on the TV capturing all of our attention. Well almost all. I couldn’t help but look around at my life. My extremely blessed life. My incredible family that I created all by myself and the family I was given that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

I can’t help but think about my other family. My thrown together, last minute, mix and match family. My super family. Now that’s a family I never expected to have, but I’m grateful that I did. They could understand me in a way I didn’t think anyone would be able to.

And smack dab in the middle of all of these families is Peter. Peter Parker. The boy who I had no idea how fast I was falling in love with. I love him and I may be a bit hopeful but I’m sure he loves me too. I was- I was going to tell him. When was the last time I saw him? In the compound? No that’s not right. I - I can’t remember. Why can’t I remember? I do remember laying across his stomach and I was...upset. Th-Then...oh shit.

Water droplets start to fall on your face confusing you. Where were you? Standing up you’re at the place where the agent burst. Looking down you see Peter but he’s crying. You try to tap on his shoulder but your arm goes through. “No, no, no, no,” you start whispering as you move to his side where you see yourself. Am I dead?! Oh no. God no. Please no! You realized that the water droplets from earlier were Peter’s tears hitting your face. “Peter? Peter can you hear me?!”

“Lady Y/n?” Thor asks as he emerges from the hallway with Loki supported by him.

“Can you see me?”

“Of course we can see you, why wouldn’t we be able to?” Loki scoffs as Peter lifts up his head.

“Who are you talking to?” he whimpers with furrowed eyebrows. This surprises the two of them before they see your body lying close to Peter.

“That’s why,” you huff as you sit next to Peter.

“Lady Y/n, she’s right next to you,” Thor responds to Peter as he becomes angry.

“Can’t you tell she’s-she’s-” He can’t even get his words out before choking on a sob.

“She’s not in fact. She’s just unconscious, we’re talking to her conscious right now,” Loki reveals Peter looks at Loki suspiciously before looking down at you.

“Tell me something...that only she would know,” he demands as he wipes his tears. Loki looks at you expectantly.

“Say she says that you used to be a chubby faced child who wanted to be Iron Man when he grew up,” you say as Thor repeats it.

“That could be anyone-”

“Also say he named his Tony Stark teddy bear I gave him last year Irondad!” Thor repeats this as well. Peter takes in a shaky breath and looks down at you.

“Where,” he begin before sniffling, “Where is she?” Loki’s points at you and Peter looks in your general direction. He places his hand on the ground and you place yours over his. “How do we get her back?”

“She just has to be woken,” Loki states as Peter scoffs.

“I’ve already tried that it didn’t work,” Peter says defensively as he retracts his hand.

“Allow me to try something,” Thor interrupts before Loki and Peter get into a snarking contest. Peter stands aside as Thor places his hand over your chest and administers a small shock. You immediately shoot up from the floor and almost knock heads with Thor. “Fantastic! I didn’t think that would work!” Thor admits with a grin. Loki rolls his eyes but you weren’t even paying attention to them because you launch yourself into Peter’s arms.

“You fucking scared me. Promise me you won’t ever do that again,” Peter pleads as you laugh.

“Save your ass? Sorry sir but that’s my job,” you joke as he gives you a playfully angry look.

“You better find yourself a new profession or I’ll have a heart attack.” Remembering your inner monologue from before you act on it.

“Peter, I like you a lot. Hell, I fucking love you. I don’t want to die with you never knowing-” You’re cut off by Peter’s lips on yours. You relax into his arms and kiss him back fiercely. He liked you! He liked you back!! You never thought that this would ever happen. I guess almost dying gave you the balls you needed to tell him. Which was definitely paying off right now.

You were both cut off by Loki clearing his throat. “As lovely as this is should we not be finding our way back to your little team?” Loki teases as your cheeks burn a bright crimson but you really didn’t care.

Thor helps you and Peter stand up. Once situated you fasten your right arm around Peter’s waist while he throws his left arm over your shoulder. You reach up to holding his left hand with yours accidently giving him a little shock. Snapping your head up you catch his gaze with yours.

“Do you think...maybe?” you question not even finishing your sentence but he understood.

“Maybe,” he replies before Loki interrupts.

“No doddling we need to find the others,” he responds with a disgusted face. You two were being too lovey dovey for his taste. “Ugh, children,” mutters causing the two of you to try and hold back your laughter. God you missed this.

When you found the others you got one hell of a scolding on the quinjet. It alternated between mainly Tony and Steve but the others got a couple words in. Thor attempted to explain that you had Loki as a chaperone before he could get out more than a few words the entire team turned on both of them. First Loki for leaving the compound, taking me with him, and not telling anyone and Thor for letting it all happen.

But when everyone finally calmed down we all participated in a much needed group hug. Then some avengers wanted their separate hugs with you and Peter. “I’m glad you’re safe kid. You had all of us worried,” Tony says to Peter before facing you. “And I know this isn’t the best thing to say to someone who heavily broke the rules but you did good kid. You did real good.” He pulls the two of you into another hug.

“Thanks Tony,” you reply as Peter does the same.

Finally the quinjet lands back at the compound and as soon as you get out you’re immediately tackled by your brown and white buddy who quite literally takes you to the ground. Sparks start licking your face like crazy and doesn’t let up. Not even when you playfully push her away. Just when you thought she was done she pounces for Peter. He lets out a surprised shout before similarly being tackled to the ground.

“Come on Sparks,” you say as you easily lift her up catching you by surprise. Peter lifts an eyebrow before getting up. “Let’s uh, let’s go inside,” you declare as he walks by your side.

You hear Sam before you’re out of ear range, “Since when did they know each other that well?” 

Honestly you couldn’t tell if he was talking about Sparks and Peter or Peter and you. But regardless you made a mental note to tell them about it later. For now you were content with keeping them a bit clueless and just content overall. Peter was safe. You were safe. What more could you ask for?

Tags:

@stevieboyharrington, @fandomlover03, @markusstraya, @speggehi, @thetimidsarcasticcat, @condy-wants-a-cookie, @feline-space, @wipplog, @ink-and-tea, @-thatgirloverthere-, @mysteriouslysharkbait, @lionsfandomsandbearsohmy, @absmiles123, @tienna-laufeyson16, @give-jack-a-lightsaber, @musical-doll-x, @joe-mazzello-is-my-dad

[elizabethrobertajones]

13x21 watching notes

Not. Enough. Hugs.

Expectations: Bobo is gonna write his last episode which will make every other writer heading to the door trying to churn out some swan song fare thee well nonsense taste like ash.

I will probably cry because this mofo makes me cry all the time and I hate it because I never cry at Supernatural and the last couple of years Bobo has me leaking everywhere

-

Recap!

Lucifer saying they'll find Jack and remake the world in his image. Gross. No thanks.

Sam and Rowena bonding over seeing Lucifer's true face and it being awful

Gabriel complaining they took all his grace

Michael, Mary and Jack's adventures

Gabriel and Rowena being the most powerful allies. What a world. Like 10 episodes ago it wasn't even like this at all :P

A last glimpse of Sam's stupid parting shot about them dying together. Whee. Sarcasm font.

-

Um.

Okay so this is either a dream or the future (yes.) or my next fic, and I'm only 1 second in, but all I know is that Jack, dressed all in white because he's Jesus, is watching Dean eat his 7th bit of pizza with pure horror, while Cas lovingly, smilingly, chides him for it.

Oh yeah there's Mary, laughing in the background. And she's wearing a different but still white and blue (Mother Mary) plaid.

This dialogue is literally bunker fluff banter about Jack counting Dean eating his pizza slices and Dean calling him a narc for saying so.

"John and me, we used to call him our little piglet" I am so happy. Pre-tragedy Winchester family fluff. My heart.

Sam offering to help Mary do the dishes

Dean getting Cas to punt him another pizza once Mom is no longer watching. Dear lord. The silent "gimme pizza" moment of our dreams.

Sam checking in on Mary!! How are you since... Being over there

Sam's wearing the same shirt from the end of 12x22

"I always knew you and Dean would come and save us. And you did."

-

Yep that was Sam's dream, which of all the available options was the absolute worst because he's the one who wasn't talking at the table, but has been missing a family the most, missing out on Mary, missing out on having Cas and Jack around, having Dean being normal. Wanting the relationship with Mary, and all the fun nuggets like "my little piglet" which makes her tease Dean and make Sam laugh... Oh god my heart. I'm a minute in and I can't take it.

-

And Mary starting to act like an alarm clock, Sam Sam Sam Sam, to wake him up. Oh no. Oh noooo it's awful. The alarm clock corrupted her in the dream: his image of her is so dependant on what's around him, so easy for her to be snatched away, when he thinks he's having a good moment with her at long freaking last

-

Last season I staked my entire house on the Sam and Mary dynamic being key and it felt like very few others cared, certainly not in the wider fandom, and along with that there was a whole lot of not understanding either of them. I'm so glad that Sam and Mary's dynamic has been more centrally placed this season and signposted because I'm so fed up that I spent all that energy on it last season and ended up feeling like I was shouting into a void :P

-

"He needed to extract his grace *finger quotes* in private" *Sam looks up like uuuuuh* "So I left him alone in Dean's room" *Dean looks up like EXCUSE ME DEAR DID YOU JUST SAY -

"What? No!"

Sam smirks, Dean looks pleadingly at Cas.

I was just joking in 13x20 about how Dean n Gabriel have a weird vibe about them, but I think at this point Dean is just thinking you left the skankiest archangel alone in my room???

I don't think there's a subtextual whatnow between them about this, he just doesn't want to know what angel grace looks like under a blacklight

-

Awww Rowena is wearing orange... With a turtleneck.....

#Samwitch forever #Jinkies!

-

making jokes about Gabriel's essence last episode and now the left him alone in the room to do it, and showing off Zerbe's merch and they're all just peering at that lil dot of glowiness... Gabriel is getting a lot of impotency jokes here.

-

"That is the jet fuel of divine emissions!"

*Dean pulls another face re: emissions*

-

Jesus CHRIST the rift is literally SAGGING FLACCIDLY

Bobo I hate you

-

of the 5 of them, Rowena's face remains, as ever, a total gem.

-

holy shit and then Gabriel lowers his blade as well

who DIRECTED THIS SHIT?

-

They all sigh and Gabriel lets his blade flop entirely to his side

-

Rowena looks completely unimpressed.

-

"Well that was fast" "One could say premature." "I thought it would be enough!"

Jesus christ what is happening in the latter part of the episode that we're getting this scene now?

-

Oh my god that was just the COLD OPEN

-

As always though, Cas being the one who has to say the really horrible thing, like, they will all just wait for him to proclaim the bad news. Maybe he just likes people to say things out loud even when they're obvious *clears throat* but also he always has that streak where he will suggest the awful plan and be first to realise some horrible path that they must take.

-

TFW retires to the kitchen to talk. Sam sits on the steps, now the exile, while Cas leans on the family dinner table. It's the place he goes in his head which has the best service. The connection to his family. Dean leans as well, Cas and Dean mirroring each other, providing more of a united front, as the two of them have the emotional headspace to root for this plan, however Sam feels, while Sam is caught by his trauma, isolated, hunched up and small on the floor, less of their party.

-

Every time it ends the same way - with the Devil on the loose again.

Hey at least this time he's already on the loose so even the worst case is that nothing changes :P

-

Well no the worst case is that he somehow possesses Rowena and takes the most powerful witch ever for a joyride.

Actually no he's locked in his vessel

-

the worst case scenario is they kill him before they get the grace, so they have to wait for Gabriel to charge up and *oh no* Lucifer is dead

-

God, Cas saying "the worst possible violation" re: being possessed by Lucifer is so ridiculously validating. He understands what Sam went through and he's showing he understands, feels the same way. The two of them have this connection of knowing what it's like, and Sam hears from Rowena that she knows what it's like to be tortured by him, hears from Cas what it's like to be possessed by him... His support group is here

-

I still love the camera angle of Cas standing in front of Dean and Dean behind him and the camera is flattening them together.

After the directing on the soggy rift, and Mittens telling me Phil is responsible I'm just like... no surprises here mate.

-

Plus. Cas had a shoulder!Dean there

-

Gabriel yoinks a book out of the shelf. It's Laying Pipe. A beginner's guide to plumbing and pipe fitting.

The cover is suitably phallic.

Gabriel is standing by the katana - the pointy one that the BMoL kept sharp. Ya know, sword sharpening.

Something he was having issues with just now despite all his sharp wooden swords last week.

-

Penis.

-

"It's not always like that!!""Gabriel, please."

She was waiting for him to break that tension.

*manly virile page turning*

*more angry defences*/"I don't need to hear excuses!"

... Rowena being left alone in the library to tease their other guests is the best part of the show and they should start a regular segment which is talkshow style of Rowena plus whatever poor sucker of the week is hanging out in the bunker

"It doesn't make me any less of an archangel!" "mright."

-

Oh now you're blaming Rowena for your perfomance, huh, buddy?

-

Rowena saying a drunk six year old could operate the spell is probably not commentary on the fact that Dean is the last person to do it, huh?

-

Rowena saying "the three amigos with their bro hugs, pep talks and melodrama" changes the fundamental dynamic - the stereotype of their nonsense is the three of them hugging it out, instead of in 10x05, the last time they were meta textually mocked for it, Sam n Dean getting the BM scenes, and Cas and Dean's in-show dynamic not being explictly referenced except for the fact that Dean clearly thought the personal space jokes were being taken too far before he had the explanation. This makes it clear the BM moments are about TFW, uses the fact that the 3 of them are all together right now to put them all in one room and have them talking out the latest issue together away from the others, in order to establish that Cas is firmly a part of what was once the bro dynamic.

Of course he's had moments where he hangs with them in what otherwise would be the BM scene of the episode right the way through, but THIS is a metatextual statement about the dynamic, one that is more than just Rowena's snark, but writer commentary on another level, pulling on our pre-existing understanding of the show mocking the BM moments to make it expressly clear that Cas is involved too.

If Bobo is on the way out to nurture the Wayward Sisters, then this is one of those closing statements on his way. That he wants us to understad that Cas is intrinsically a part of this dynamic, and that the FUNDAMENTAL CORE of the show, the BM Scene, is a TFW inclusive incident no matter whether all 3 of them are involved in it or not, it is a thing they do TOGETHER and is NOT a justthebros meta joke. The BM thing is not just the concept of Sam and Dean looking weepy at each other over the car. It's their FAMILY, together, just as Bobo shows Sam dreaming of their FAMILY being TFW, mom and Cas's weird son who counts how much pizza you eat.

-

Jesus christ I was going to make a joke that Rowena and Gabriel would probably bang as my next point to break the mood of that rant but I hit play and she's checking out his tush and inner monologuing it.

Never mind.

they gonna bang

-

"She's so tiny. and angry."

I stan 1 heterosexual couple.

-

Ahahahaha he noticed her dancer's body and wondered how flexible she is. Oh dear. I'm gonna back off because I may or may not have written this exact thing in my notes in her last episode

-

They're adorable.

-

"So, we've a little time."

Oh dean's room is not going to get out of this unscathed

-

She raises up the wooden pestle.

"to fill what?"

-

*red flashing sign which says 'PENIS' is glaring uncontrollably in the corner of the screen*

-

Listen, because these two are the skankiest archangel and rowena, who is, well, rowena, we are getting to enjoy subtext for the sake of immediate pay off that they're openly attracted to each other and we're literally getting their checking each other out and staring into each other's eyes montage.

Sure does help with the show doing this more subtly in other places.

-

SHE'S

i

Phil -

BOBO

-

yeah and abruptly to give them some privacy, back to TFW who are gonna come to whatever conclusion, go looking for Gabriel and Rowena, and end up knocking on Dean's door, open it, there they are in a heap in his bed.

-

Bobo "invented the fan fiction gap" Berens writing like it's going out of style

-

Oh no Sam's sitting next to the coffee maker that was briefly haunted by Kevin, in a Bobo episode.

-

"I don't like it, but it's our only choice. Our fun, great choice."

Bobo I forgot how much I love your Sam. Your Sam makes me laugh and cry. And here is sarcastic Sam, briefly returning from hiatus, and of course you are writing my favourite and the best version of Sam.

He gets to call out how they make these choices all the time where they have to go do horrible things, even against their own trauma. When he'd rather be anywhere else.

-

Dean points out they only have 24 hours as a complaint, but Sam has a "wait a second" which maaay or may not be resolving that. But first, they go find their archangel and witch -

Dean looks a little perturbed

-

Awwww they were only making out among the books, not defiling Dean's room.

Shame.

-

Cas's head immediately tilts.

Fan fic aside, this is the most action the Bunker has EVER seen.

Unless Sam and Eileen hooked up in 12x17, that is.

The most confirmed action. No one has ever brought a date back here.

Dean still has not hooked up with Cas. That we know of.

-

"Reading books... here in the library... Which is the room we are in now." Well okay sure

Sam is utterly horrified. Take your shipping pick on which one or both of them he's most affronted by.

Gabriel is 100% that guy you can NOT introduce to your attractive friends.

-

What is Cas even doing

he's like... I can't even look at you, Gabriel

-

Oh, bartender in the shirt Gabriel will be in very shortly. *pretends not to be surprised*

I guess we're not hearing the plan yet :P

-

The bartender sounds awfully concerned about how much Lucifer is drinking - if it's Gabriel, he's needling him about how much he's drinking, maybe just to hear how he justifies it.

-

"I had Heaven... Hell... in the palm of my hand. You know what I learned?" Me, internally: "Nothing."

Lucifer grumbling about how they don't matter, though. They don't matter to HIM, but they matter for the world running smoothly. The natural order, the cogs whirring as they should, would all do so much better without you around. Wherever you go, you don't fit in and you suck.

- He moves on to grumbling about Jack and how he can't find him, how it doesn't matter because "his bitch of a mother poisoned him against me, probably forever" - humanity is a poison to him. Love and compassion literally toxic.

-

"I'm sure things will work out in the end. Jack will come around!"

I know Gabriel is just trying to troll Lucifer, but it does read as ominous, because all season the low key threat has been there that Jack might end up going at least a little darkside. More darkside than being reckless and accidentally hurting people. Going over a darkside where he doesn't immediately feel dreadful about the people who get hurt around him.

-

Hahaha he's so drunk. Rowena can magically roofie him. Wonderful.

And of course at the reveal, Gabriel has Kingdom Beer signs on top of him. The sign of the Kingdom of Heaven.

(I continue kinda wondering/hoping about the prodigal son return for Gabriel)

The thing is, how did they know Lucifer would be here or receptive to being roofied? Honestly, if this episode keeps up the quality, I won't question it beyond this note :P

-

Oh I love this confrontation.

"Surprise"

He runs out of a bright white door and right through the other side.  This feels a LOT like Chuck's bar in 11x20, which calls back to Robbie's fare thee well episode, and reminds us that Gabriel really is the most like his father of all his sons, but also is the trap in the fairy tent with Charlie in 8x11.

There's a stag on the door, and that's more virile imagery.

-

If Gabriel is low on grace, I'd imagine this is Rowena's work, for the most part, and Gabriel just has to be intimidating enough to make this work.

-

Oh look here's someone else "back from the dead" ... It's not Lucifer's day

and even if she's not on the fullest full power, she's ready to meet Lucifer, because Sam's the one who kills her.

-

He must think he's hallucinating some people he killed, until it all get too real.

-

"Put me out of my misery! Go ahead!"

this is what I like to hear.

Sadly, I doubt they will. But it's still music to my ears.

Lucifer reaching the nadir of this arc, wherever it's supposed to go... I hope to his death, and it would be nice if he did die at the end of the season and the show was brave enough to move on to a world without Lucifer. With the apparent draw of Mark P to some parts of the audience I'm scared they won't, but at the very least it's seeming somewhat plausible right now, as he's brought down again and again and shown to have no moral fibre, no redeeming qualities, no drive to do better. Through and through, vile and useless, the story tells us, agreeing with how he comes across, how Mark P as Lucifer makes us feel in a way that the energy of Casifer did not convey at all because that all seemed to be at least for a purpose and Casifer was fun, and it didn't seem to be implying Lucifer trailing on and on and unendingly on as it ended up being >.>

-

take 2 of the spell! Lucifer trussed up in the Bunker library, Dean perching on a table. Get your muddy boots off that chair.

-

I love watching him kneeling there leaking grace. I'm petty like that... I feel like everyone in the room is too. It has a feeling like when they stole Metatron's grace, but instead no one cares to heal him and they're not even really aiming to make him human, they're just kinda. Ew. Lucifer. Who cares.

-

Rowena's trousers are INCREDIBLE.

-

I swear they used "stuck pig" in the last couple of episodes, or I'm imagining that?

Anyway Sam's plan is the least they could do to Lucifer

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

-

This is what happens when you suck: eventually a bunch of guys (gender neutral term) pin you down, leave you frozen in place dripping grace in a gross way, and all laugh at you before they leave

-

"When we get back, then we'll kill you."

Nice plan. Sadly, nice as it is, it gives Lucifer wiggle room to not be here or not be dead >.>

Rowena staying behind with him is unconcerning when Sam goes through the rift in the sense of character death (and she's a lot more confident around Lucifer all of a sudden :P) but I still don't want anything too bad to happen to her :( Still, it seems like a half-assurance that she will be okay.

-

"Save your mum," Rowena says.

The main problem, of course, being that Lucifer knows Mary is there, doesn't know Jack is there, but while they played it very cool, it's worryingly likely he's starting to guess that Jack is in there, whether he can sense him through the rift or he just has a feeling that this might be it...

-

Ahahahaha it's on a hill

Sam and Cas roll down it, Gabriel kinda cartwheels, and Dean comes out running and does a cool skid down the hill.

Oh gross, Gabriel ended up face first in Cas's crotch :P Dean is like FIRST YOU DEFILE ROWENA AND NOW CAS? HOW DARE -

-

IS THIS ENTIRE EPISODE ABOUT PENISES?

-

Dean is just... wow

-

You guys, sometimes it's easy to meta an episode and sometimes it is very very hard and sometimes you don't even wanna type the words very very hard

-

"Kentucky. North East Kentucky" are we here entirely because of Asmodeus or is this to put us kinda halfway between Michael and Jack's last known location? Not that they know Michael's current location.

-

Rowena has no time for concern trolling about being "left behind in the kitchen" when she knows the only reason Lucifer would care is because he wants out.

She also reminds him he's being emasculated, because yes, this episode is all about penises.

-

Lucifer switches to being annoying, singing the same song as the password to Billie's pad in 11x10 - the episode where he first killed Rowena.

-

Gabriel walking along holding his blade at a 90 dergee angle to his body

-

Cas drops by to casually check how Gabriel is feeling about running Heaven maybe perhaps pretty please?

Gabriel points out all the things which could kill them first before they ever need to worry about that

Oh gosh he did have sex with Rowena. At some point. Maybe not right then in the library unless he magically dressed her again. But some point between then and now. Pfft.

-

Poor Dean's room I guess.

-

Cas is remarkably good at steering this conversation, when he has a point to get to. He has learned a considerable amount of tact before getting to "Heaven's dying, Gabriel," because for one thing he hasn't hauled him aside and said all this sooner. I'm always pleased when Cas's people skills are apparent.

-

"They wouldn't want me back, Castiel. As far as they're concerned, I'm a screw up. Hell, as far as *I'm* concerned I'm a screw up."

Oh, no. Please don't make me like you any more than I already do. This is the opposite conversation to 9x18 in the car with meta!Gabriel, Cas having to bring up the subject of Gabriel leading Heaven. It has to be him because they need an archangel, so there's no double bluff to pull where Cas could do it instead. There were 9x18 vibes all over last episode right down to Dean having a soft moment over the phone from a motel with Cas while they worked 2 ends of a case, and now we have this. 9x18 is steering a little bit from the background.

I LIKE the idea of Gabriel as the leader of a mostly stable but much more chill Heaven. And this seems tentatively positive, that it's maaaaybe just a self-esteem/compatibility thing. This is what is immediately being offered as the first obstacle to mind. Gabriel left, because of his brothers, but they're all dead or bound in the main world. They daren't haul Michael out of the pit, even just to imprison him in Heaven to keep the lights on, apparently, which just leaves him. And his major reasons for leaving are all gone now. No more archangels. Just him.

Which means that I was right after Naomi asked Cas to see about getting him back, that this comes down to how Gabriel feels, that after all this isolation, it's about does he feel he can return home, and how will home feel about him returning.

-

"Well, heaven's been run into the ground by upstanding angels. Perhaps a screw up is what we need."

ILY babe

-

*Cas looks hopefully at Gabriel*

*Conversation ends with a long shot of their walk in the woods*

-

Well that was a veeeery interesting note to leave that. As I was saying a few hours ago about 13x20, it may be that Gabriel doesn't need to find something to stand for to die for, but to LIVE for, which is a much more positive thing. I really actually kinda like the way this dovetails with Heaven's problems as a reason to compel him to go back, because Gabriel approaching it like a screw up who doesn't want to break anything sure is better than an egomaniac having a go.

-

Sam is feeling bouncier just to be in the same universe as mom and Jack

he wants the pizza party

let him have the fucking pizza party

it was just his birthday!

-

He's wearing his dumb backpack he's had season season 1 and it makes me unhappy in a "oh god he was so tiny" way

-

He's also being unnervingly optimistic about how close they are to winning, to getting Mary and Jack back, and he's finally got optimism. His mood is basically defined by this to such a horrible degree.

... Which is totally not a parallel to the beginning of the season where Dean was miserable until they got Cas back at which point he was so happy that Sam called him out on it

-

*distant screams of campers being menaced by a wendigo in the woods*

-

"Not our world, not our problem."

Dude, they're hunters wherever

-

Interesting how everyone here knows about the supernatural, so random hikers keeping low off the grid will know what was attacking them. And some basic lore about how vampires were affected by the lower population and starvation

-

TBH the comparison to the wendigo in looks isn't too wildly far off; they're both humans who have become completely monstrous in a way where they go off the deep end

-

The rebels Jack and Mary set up a colony there ... that could be anyone

-

Oh, great, tunnel of terrifying vampires. This is a distraction/time waste that will probably eat up the rest of the episode for them and cause nothing but pain >.>

-

Oh, we're only halfway through...

-

Gah how are we only halfway through??

-

Oh no, Rowena. Being left alone with Lucifer being annoying is one thing. Being left alone with him talking about how he murdered her is not a thing where she can play up the vindictiveness of the situation... trauma is trauma and just because she has him bound and knows he can't kill her isn't something that makes her entirely immune to facing that :(

-

Oh Rowena

-

Oh no

-

... Although within that Rowena casually calls them "his three fathers" which is hilarious and also particularly awful for Lucifer to  hear because it was bad enough knowing that Jack liked Cas more than him when he didn't know that

-

Yeeeep she didn't know that winding him up makes him stronger because anger is where his power comes from because he's so fuckin awful

-

Also ew he has something to fight for.

At least until Jack smushes him like a bug /wishful thinking

-

Oh for - he didn't even jump into the portal, she threw him off of her and he went in it by accident.

I mean, just for accountability stakes, adding it all up, could that have been any more her fault? Bleh :P

-

I assume the portal will still stay open a lil while, but

-

Oh, she's packing the Black Grimoire.

Good.

Now, is she actually going into the rift to save them, while putting on her fancy coat and scarf and all?

Or is she leaving?

-

"Not my problem!"

-

Those guys are your friends.

"BOLLOCKS!"

How DARE I have feelings. FEELINGS.

-

I guess Gabriel is also on the other side of the rift.

They're soulmates :P

-

Omg it's not the old mine from 1x02 and 11x19

I'm actually disappointed

-

Heheh everyone has glowsticks

party!Cas

-

THIS PLACE IS SCARY AND I DON'T LIKE IT

-

WHERE IS THE RAVE?

-

Wonder how much speculation we'll get about Dean looking up at that one bright light and being in a spotlight under it... Like, Michael-wise.

It is interesting to single him out with the spotlight.

-

*Cas and Gabriel just casually moving rocks*

Look, Cas could blast those all away but they're trying to play it cool for the campers

-

Who may or may not get picked off by vampires

-

No, Sam is wandering

he will be picked off by vampires

-

Bobo you need to stop killing Sam

-

I mean theoretically you just murdered Sam and are ditching the show to go write Wayward like hah hahahaha no consequences here I am the showrunner, now I will make Claire and Kaia kiss

-

Think of how Jody will feel, my guy

-

...

Okay that's enough of the "Sam is permanently dead lol" joking.

-

"Saaaam!" Cas yells and disappears down the tunnel

-

Cas comes back Sam-less and makes Dean leave too. I'm gonna be ship neutral on account of how Sam just got eaten by vampires. But it was intense and sad.

-

Yet, somehow, less sad than that time Cas died in front of Dean, when it comes to OTT melodrama. I mean there was a lot of shouting, but Dean's still moving.

-

Dean looks great

-

Hey, I guess 11x17 was good practice for this.

-

Cas ought to be walking with him holding his hand. It's criminal to make him do this alone

-

Wow, Sam you look terrible.

-

Guys, are you really going to destroy the angel warding on the camp? That's SUPER DANGEROUS

-

MARY

HUGS

YAY

(Why are you not hugging Cas?)

-

So yeah, you gotta tell mom that Sam's dead now

-

Just to get you

-

You can have one (1) family member at a time

-

Aw no don't cry!!!

-

Look, your brother was just taking a snooze because the rave got too real! He and his glowstick are fine!

...

Somehow

-

Is he a vampire?

-

Mittens tells me he's not a vampire, which just makes this all the more confusing

-

Aw

shit

-

Sam's like, can we go back to when I was dead?

-

Okay now he's heard Lucifer's story he's like can I REALLY go back to being dead?

-

This is like when someone wakes you up in the morning and you just don't wanna get out of bed. In that moment, no matter how much you love that person, they are to you metaphorically what Lucifer is to Sam right now.

Fitting, that it started with him vs his alarm clock as a loved one

Now we see the even darker side to mornings

-

Look, I'm kinda... horrified here so I'm just...

Can you kill this fucker and get back to your family already?

-

HONESTLY if I was Sam I'd take my chance with the wall of angry vampires rather than stick around for this conversation

-

"You need me"

... no shade on that concept though or anything, when it's a wall of angry vampires vs pretending to like Lucifer so he can hang out with Jack

-

I mean seriously I love Sam to bits but I'd be genuinely happy to see him torn apart by vampires again just to spite Lucifer.

-

Oh JACK no sweetie

We didn't even see them getting to hug each other, it's just straight to Gabriel sitting quietly, Jack pacing miserably, demanding why they didn't bring Sam back

-

Oh, he's fine

all that stress for nothing

-

"Please don't judge this friend I made at the rave, it was a really really bad night."

-

Do you ever find yourself staring into space thinking, "I would genuinely have been happier if the last shot of the episode was Sam being torn apart by vampires for the second time in 15 minutes?"

-

This is gonna go over swimmingly in a Buckleming episode for all the character dynamics. They are the only writers left who seem to actually like Lucifer.

-

Why does everything build up to stuff that needs to be handled by not-Buckleming right before a Buckleming episode anyway?

[metroid-fusion]

some voice lines from ultimate custom night deaths, and what they might imply. keep in mind i dont know shit

Mangle: He’s here, and always watching... the one you shouldn’t have killed... “you” implies youre playing as someone who killed someone. so... william afton.

Withered Chica: I have seen him! The one you shouldn’t have killed!

Jack-o-Chica: Greetings from the fire, and from the one you should not have killed!

Nightmare Freddy: I am remade, but not by you; by the one you should not have killed. nightmare freddy was “remade” from freddy into nightmare freddy in the mind of the bite victim (fnaf4 protag), or nightmare freddy was remade from a nightmare into something more real(?) by somebody else

Nightmare Freddy: I am given flesh to be your tormentor. n!freddy’s purpose of being “remade” (see above) is to haunt the protag.

Nightmare Freddy: What a gift to relish: a victim that can’t perish. the protag can’t die.

Scrap Baby: You won’t die, but you’ll wish you could. more protag can’t die.

Withered Bonnie: Why is this your prison? Is it me trapped, or is it you? Perhaps it's us both. confirms its SOMEBODY’S prison. why is this your prison

Ballora: These are strange circumstances... that have brought us together.

Marionette: x x x x x collection of reasons the puppet’s my fav and also fuck william afton.

Nightmare: I am your wickedness... made flesh.

Mr Hippo: Or...maybe it doesn't mean anything at all. one of his HILARIOUS monologues, this one’s about how *gestures vaguely* this happened (“maybe i met a demise of my own” (burning at the end of pizza sim?)), and about the (potential) non-canonicity of the ucn.

Withered Bonnie: I may be missing my face, but even I could see you stalk. ???

Withered Chica: I was the first! I have seen EVERYTHING.

Jack-o-Chica: The fire within me burns eternal, and now you shall as well! you shall burn eternal. thats hell

Jack-o-Chica: I am a burning reminder of your misdeeds! so... hell.

Nightmarionne quotes:

"This is a nightmare that you won't wake from!"

"This time, death cannot save you."

"The nightmare is just beginning."

"Let's taste death...again...and again...and again..."

"I am the fearful reflection of what you have created!"

This isn’t a voice quote but if you set Old Man Consequences to 1 difficulty and everybody else to 0 and catch a fish, you fall into OMC’s fnaf world area, where he says, “Come and sit with me a while. Leave the demon to his demons. Rest your own soul. There is nothing else.”

Now here’s the kickers: the Mediocre Melodies. All of them have funny, joke-y lines. (Nedd Bear: Don't you hate gettin' killed by obscure secondary characters?) But. Three of them have extra lines that REALLY contrast their other lines (note the whispers underneath!)...

Happy Frog: We've only just begun. I will never let you leave. I will never let you rest.

Nedd Bear: This is how it feels, and you get to experience it over, and over, and over again...forever. I will never let you leave.

Orville Elephant: He tried to release you. He tried to release US. But I'm not gonna let that happen. I will hold you here. I will KEEP you here. No matter how many times they burn us.

That last one’s super important, because at the end of Pizzeria Sim, Henry i think is the person who burns down the location with all the animatronics and William Afton inside to release their souls. Orville, however, says that he’s not gonna let that happen, and the others are saying that they will torture the protag endlessly. The whispers underneath sound to me like the Puppet, but i dont know shit, which could mean that they’re the one that orchestrates all this, which could explain Nightmare Freddy’s “I am remade” quote, because William Afton should NOT have killed the Puppet. (i mean he shouldnt have killed anyone at all but yknow)

tl;dr a bunch of voice quotes point to the ucn protag being william afton, and it being his personal hell, maybe set up by the puppet.

[screechthemighty]

“cut man” is the best daredevil episode, part one

Seriously, y’all, this is my favorite episode of Daredevil ever. My favorite. I have so much to say that this post is going to have a part two. That’s how much I love it. Here’s the first batch of my thoughts. Be warned, it’s a big batch. Again, here are the ground rules for these meta posts. Strap yourselves in.

This post is primarily going to focus on Matt’s interactions with Claire, because I think they set a baseline for how Matt acts in his natural state--not as charming Matt, not as Matt who is more himself but keeping parts of himself contained, not as Daredevil, but as Matt. It can be difficult to tell early on, because he is still keeping secrets, deflecting from her, etc., but there are contrasts between his behavior with her and his behavior with, say, Karen.

The way he talks to her is the first big clue. He’s very soft-spoken as he does, with none of the usual “get down to business” surety he shows when he’s lawyering or the obvious confidence he exhibits when being charming. It’s more akin to how he spoke to Karen when he promised he’d keep her safe, or when he was discussing his blindness with her--both moments of real vulnerability. It’s especially obvious when he asks what Claire’s name is, and when he thanks her for her help (especially that one, also it’s really hard to keep my shipper goggles off for that moment. It’s so hard, you guys).

There’s also the funny moments of honesty he exhibits when talking with her. He openly admits to where he screwed up, the fact that he was careless, all of that. Again, there’s less of the surety he exhibited in the police station. He’s not trying to seem like a big, tough, scary superhero who has everything under wraps. He’s a guy who’s in a lot of pain and knows why and is fine admitting to it. Only because it’s physical pain, though. Matt’s far more open about his physical pain than his emotional pain (even when he’s lying about his physical pain). It’s really depressing.

Something I think is interesting about his whole deal with Claire is the fact that he is more immediately honest with her than he is with others, in part because the jig is up on a lot of things. He can’t say he wasn’t in a fight, or that he isn’t blind--those are undeniable facts. So, he tells her the truth, or as much of it as he feels comfortable telling. In my mind, this parallels the way Matt does finally open up to Foggy when Foggy finds him bleeding on the floor in “Nelson v. Murdock” (oh BOY the analysis of that episode is going to be fun). Matt might be fine with lying, but he also seems to know when he can’t lie anymore. It’s rare that he keeps trying to lie his way out of a situation when there’s nowhere for him to go. The only exception to this is with Karen, whom he constantly tells lies and half-truths to. It’s possible that this is because she has yet to really back him into a corner yet. Both Claire and Foggy found Matt in compromising situations (harder to back out of, easier to just be honest), while Karen doesn’t really until season 2, and even when she does it’s nothing that really screams “Daredevil” or anything like that. It’s also possible that it’s because she gives him an out that Claire and Foggy don’t. They want answers; she is (for the most part) content to let Matt tell the truth on his own terms. It’s an interesting detail, and I’m definitely going to be keeping an eye out for it as the episodes go on.

On a final note with his behavior around Claire, he trusts her enough to try and find her again after he saves the kid (while we don’t see it, that is his intent in asking where she’s going to stay, and I don’t doubt that he found her again after he was done). This is an interesting parallel to him letting Karen stay at his place, despite them having just met and him (as I theorized in my last post), probably not completely trusting her. But he trusts her enough, and he trusts Claire enough. It’s easy and very true to say that Matt doesn’t let people in, but I don’t think it’s the complete truth. Matt lets people in all the time. He let Karen into his life in that moment because he felt some emotional connection with her and wanted to help her. He lets Claire in--lets her see him vulnerable, again--because she’s proven herself to be trustworthy, even kind (which I think is a big deal in light of his comment last episode about wishing he could find even one innocent soul--how big a deal must kindness be for him?). He just doesn’t let people all the way in. When he does, he seems to be most comfortable doing so by degrees--as we’ll see in his relationship with Claire (which doesn’t get enough love in my opinion, and I’ll fight about it).

Another thing that comes to the forefront in this episode is Matt’s connection with children or young adults. Remember how in my assorted notes for last time I indicate that I thought the way the kid cried out for his father when Matt was listening on the roof parallels the way Matt cries out “Dad? Daddy?” after Jack is shot? I was right. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg for this episode. There’s some really good meta someone wrote about the subject, also tying it into Jessica Jones, so I’ll just leave it here and add that I co-sign it wholeheartedly. There’s another detail from this episode that ties into the theme of Matt’s own childhood trauma making him empathetic towards people younger than him: his reaction to hearing Santino on the stairs. “Oh, no. He’s young. He’s scared.” He knows that sound, he recognizes it, and he sounds like he’s dreading the fact that he might’ve scared a kid. That also ties in to the way he--who had been really stressed about someone possibly seeing his face earlier in the episode--immediately takes off his mask so he won’t scare the kid he rescues. It’s the best, but it breaks my heart.

There’s also the connection to Matt’s repeated mantra of not being afraid, of always getting up, no matter what. I’ll talk about that more in the upcoming Jack Murdock post (AKA the Pain Post), but there’s an interesting moment here that isn’t super directly tied into Jack, so I’ll talk about it here, too. The show cuts from Matt telling Claire that she can’t give into the fear to a moment of him as a child reading that Thurgood Marshall quote we’ve all come to know and love. For me, that says something about how long Matt has clung to this concept of fearlessness--since he was ten, at the youngest, which is about 2/3 of his life at this point. With everything else going on in his life--being a blind orphan, abandoned by people who are supposed to care about him, struggling with depression and trying to find his place, it might’ve been one of the only things giving him any comfort.

I’ve seen some people discuss the fact that show!Matt seems to be less funny than comics!Matt, that comics!Matt cracks more jokes and they wish they would implement that character trait in the show. While I agree that show!Matt is less prone to out and out jokes (he makes fewer blind jokes than comics!Matt, for instance), I disagree in thinking that he is any less funny than in the comics. In fact, he can be freaking hilarious at times. It’s just a very dry, sarcastic kind of humor that can be hard to pick up on (especially when he’s in Charming Matt mode, where everything he says is done with the express intent of Maximum Charm). But I’ve decided to start compiling some specific instances of Matt’s sarcasm and jokes, just to prove that this grim boy still has a sense of humor. (Quotes by others in the conversation will be in italics.)

“Maybe I can help clean the place up a bit.” “...is this place messy?”

“...so you’re either blind, or in way worse shape than I thought.” “Do I have to pick one?”

“Yeah, well, you’re catching me on an off night.” He says as he lies bleeding on the couch of a total stranger.

There are some moments in his dialogue that do remind me of the Waid run, particularly how Matt constantly takes potshots at people in his internal monologue. Example in this episode: “You’ll smell him soon enough. He really likes that cologne.”

“Hold still. I might do some serious damage if you squirm.” Matt, you are about to stab this man in the eye socket, now is not the time for sarcasm.

“Add to that, he can take an incredible amount of punishment without one damn complaint.” “The last part’s the Catholicism.” This is still, to this day, my FAVORITE LINE in all of Daredevil--nay, in all of the Marvel Netflix universe--and the line that completely sold me on the show and Matt as a character. I love this episode so much.

Assorted observations:

“They’ll kill everyone in the hospital to get to me.” Another example of Matt’s catastrophic thinking, perhaps? While the Russians are shown to be ruthless and willing to do some messed up shit to get to Matt, their behavior up until Anatoly’s death later on isn’t exactly that level of “shoot-em-up.” But Matt really does seem to believe that he’d go that far.

Something I noticed on my first watch and continue to latch onto with every rewatch is the way the sounds of the city filters in as pre-blindness Baby!Matt sits at the table and waits for Jack Murdock to come home. Proof of a previously existing sensory processing condition, perhaps? I know that the walls in those places can be thin, and that cities are loud (it’s why I personally can’t stand them). But it could also mean something deeper, especially if you subscribe to the autistic!Matt headcanons.

Matt ends up in that dumpster with 2 or three broken ribs, a probable concussion, multiple slashes, and a stab wound serious enough that it causes air to become trapped in his chest, nearly collapsing his lung. He walks out of Claire’s apartment with all of those injuries, and goes on to kick the asses of seven to eight bad guys, some of whom were armed with guns. I say this both to point out that Claire is a hell of a nurse if she can patch him up that well, and also to point out that Matthew Murdock is a force of nature whose stubbornness and drive surpasses that of almost any other Marvel character. Seriously, YOUR FAVE COULD NEVER.

Matt’s treatment of his blindness is definitely interesting. There are times when he seems at peace with it--in this episode, the “There are other ways to see” moment--but his conversation with Karen in the first episode implies a sense of discontent with it that not even having badass supersenses can erase. It’s not something that gets explored too often, even in the show, and I’m of the personal opinion that the time he talks to Karen about wanting to see the sky again might be the only time he’s completely honest about it. Every other time, he seems to be emphasizing the positive traits (sometimes to the point of erasing his own blindness...but we’ll get to that in season 2), possibly to avoid pity. I can see that being a motivation for him.

Foggy asking Karen if she wants to talk about what’s bothering her and adding that “’leave it alone’ is not my strong suit” is a great moment between the two of them, but is also interesting in light of his relationship with Matt--Matt, who is notoriously bad at talking about how he feels about anything. How many times did he ask Matt that same thing? How much did he have to persist to get Matt to open up about anything? Did he ever get Matt to open up about anything? I wish we had more college flashbacks between the two of them. Also, I love Foggy.

The matter of whether or not Matt enjoys this pops up at the end of this episode. I won’t be really discussing that until “Nelson v. Murdock”, since it’s an issue that comes to the forefront there, but it’s telling that Matt responds to the statement by stopping, having  a quiet moment, and then leaving. It’s a question that I don’t think even he has an answer to right now--probably because he’s too afraid to think about the answer (especially in light of his obvious discomfort at talking about his anger issues in the first episode).

[blindrapture]

After the break, the remainder of this post will be Andrew Hussie’s newspost from 11/08/14. In it, he goes pretty in-depth about the symbolism and intent of Homestuck’s GAME OVER flash. I wanted to share this because it’s one of the most concise examples I can think of that stresses why I still think he’s goddamn lovely. It also contains his own rather clear declaration that he prefers Death Of The Author over Word Of God (”Now, since they can no longer depend on answers which I supply between horse jokes and snappy retorts, they are lost in the woods to fend for themselves against the wolves of dubious fanalysis.“), a sentiment which echoes darkly through the fandom these days. You could argue he pretty much spends most of the newspost trying to explain how to read the ending to come. And plus I can say this is a #ThrowbackFrihorse thing, even though it’s nowhere near Friday.

Spoilers ahead, those of you who have not yet finished reading Homestuck.

Andrew: There comes a time in every young Homestuck's life when they must face the fact that a notable comic author has swindled them into getting on a bus labeled "cool updates", only to swerve said bus off the highway and into a precipitous gulch of unmitigated sadstuck. But the old wives tale says that sadstuck was just a thing that happened in our fanfics, the bus children wailed. That's what they said about the tricksters too, a veteran child in the back replied. They said the tricksters would never see the light of canon, but where are the doubters now? Where are they now. Propping up six feet of dirt is where. The veteran child is weirding everybody out, so they stop looking at him, and turn to the driver. But the driver is now a spooky skeleton and the kids lose their shit. The skeleton head does a creepy 180, and speaks his scary curse. Heed me bus youths, for I am the ghost of future sadstuck. I have traveled back in time and am on a bus for some reason I guess, to punish you for your maudlin fics. For every time you murmured sadstuck while having a feeling, for every fic you pastebinned by candlelight, my curse has grown stronger, and my legend, dumber. Then the skeleton ran out of stuff to say, and looking a little embarrassed, turned around again to keep driving. Then he screamed once he remembered the bus was falling. Thanks for listening to my short story. We like to have a good time here at MS Paint Adventures, The Website. The gigaplay is off to a rocky start of unhewn feels. If your kerchief has become too soggy with tears from emotion, skeleton terror, or just plain admiration for my skill as a short story writer (can't blame you there), and you wish to lighten the mood, I recommend moseying over to Paradox Space, which is currently running a 24 page comic I have written about Crowbar. I am alert to the desires of readers every single day, and the one thing I hear them clamor for above all else, is more stories about CROWBAR. We want more content about Crowbar, RIGHT NOW, they say, and make that content consist of 24 beautifully illustrated comic pages, MINIMUM. I just give the people what they want. Fortunately, Homestuck's Premier Felt Fan #1 Jones was available to do a spectacular job of illustrating this comic. My rambling noir-style monologues have never before overlapped such lovely artwork. GOD TIER TALK! I don't answer Q's about Homestuck much anymore. It was a practice which I think used to be some people's lifeline for decoding the enigmatic runes of this story. Now, since they can no longer depend on answers which I supply between horse jokes and snappy retorts, they are lost in the woods to fend for themselves against the wolves of dubious fanalysis. Pulling the ripcord on the Homestuck machine again, combined with recent story events, makes me think something FAQQY may be in order. The thing is, when you make a big story, and allude to rules for a complicated system dictating mortality, people tend to REALLY, REALLY want to understand how it works. Speculation naturally fills the vacuum in lieu of concrete data. Theories are crafted. Headcanons, congealed. Then, when additional data is presented (DEAD KIDS), which happen to chafe with fanon constructs, feelings run ragged, and Bullshit is called. Then Bullshit shows up, and says, you rang? And the fanonistas say, yes Bullshit. Look at this mess. LOOK at it. This in NO WAY jives with my views on what constitutes heroism and justice. Bullshit nods sagely while lighting its pipe. Earlier in HS when god tier folk were more scarce, the story was more cagey about these verdicts. The Vriska ruling was presented as a close call, which maybe could have gone either way. Then Slick smacked the clock to Just before it could settle, leaving the true verdict ambiguous, and the 'moral debate' intact, so to speak. But now that there are a lot of god tiers running around, with the stakes raised and the body count piling up, the game (or, story) is starting to be more liberal with its rulings. As in, more likely to come down hard on Just, Heroic, or Neither verdicts without intervention or obfuscation, helping us better understand the boundaries of heroic and just action through example. Not necessarily by moral definitions, but as dictated by the rules of a game. So that turns the story guy (sometimes known as an "author") into something like a ref at a basketball game. He blows the whistle when he sees the basketball guy (the "baller") take a half step without bouncing the ball. The home team crowd does not detect the subtle violation and goes boooooo! Those homers can boo all they want, but you know, the guy is really just some bozo with a whistle. The rules are the rules! There's reason to think there is a nuanced scale ranging from Heroic to Just inside the clock. There may be many shades of justice and heroism, some forms just barely qualifying to seal one's fate. But there's nothing nuanced about Alive vs. Dead. The result of a coin flip is absolute, even though there may be many subtle factors contributing to which side it lands on. Such as whether the coin is pure of heart, and whether the table it lands on has ever killed a man. You get a sense for the nuance of the judgment when it comes to these "close calls", like with Vriska, or more recently, with Jade. In her case, she was subject to mind control when she racked up her misdeeds, which ordinarily would probably exempt her. But it wasn't ordinary mind control. More like flipping an "evil switch", removing her ethical filter, thereby letting he personality come through, and giving her license to act on impulses which she'd ordinarily suppress. So this gives the clock something to work with. Still, her behavior is compromised, so it's by no means a slam dunk. (BASKET BALL! that is still the metaphor.) So it's very close, and perhaps the clock even spares her... except for Aranea, whose luck lets close calls break in her favor, and nudges that needle one hair to the Just side. Very unlikely that happens if it's not close already though. Jane's situation is basically the same, and so is her verdict. How about Jake? He's the only player who's had two rulings. The first time, he was blustering Ronald Reagan quotes at the top of his lungs when Jane forked him, which I think we may agree safely disqualifies him from heroism (though the Republican party may disagree). The second time was ruled Heroic, when he took a realmaginary ninja sword through the chest for a friend. This corresponds pretty closely with most people's definition of heroic, so I doubt anyone would consider this one controversial either. Dave? Probably not much to debate here either. Fighting while attempting to save a dead friend, to bring her back to Jane for resurrection. There's a moral element here, tied to common ideas of heroism, so there's not much in dispute. When factors stray somewhat from moral notions of heroism, that's when there is more fuel for debate. So what about Rose? Wasn't John killed by Jack under similar circumstances to how Rose died? So why did he survive, and Rose didn't? The circumstances were very similar, on the surface. But I would suggest that the similarity of the two situations, both leading to different outcomes, helps clarify the rules in play, not confuse them. The reason for this? SCIENCE. If you were a scientist in this fictional world, trying to test this fictional construct, these are the exact kinds of situations you would seek out to prove or disprove whatever hypothesis you had. Situations that are very similar, with most factors isolated, and varying only in minor and controlled ways. That's how you would start to understand where the line is between heroic and non-heroic conduct. So what varies between the situations? What line does Rose cross which John doesn't? It becomes pretty obvious if you break the two scenes down. John was standing there, poised for battle with Jack, for all of two seconds before Jack auto-stabbed him from behind. Not even to speak of the underhanded tactic by the villain, I think what's more important is John didn't even get a chance to move. Or specifically, to prove through action that he was prepared to do battle with a foe. In fact, hindsight may tell us he wasn't. He hadn't been through much then. But years later, when he reenacted that scene with Jack through a dream bubble, he was ready that time. He had years to think about that moment, to reflect on the damage caused by Jack, and what he might have done differently if he'd been more prepared, and if the battle wasn't cut short. But during the first encounter, there was no time for heroic intent to translate into action. Compare with Rose's situation. Her feelings are unambiguous. Her mind is made up, and committed to action in the form of forward motion. Sorry Rose, you took a few too many steps through the paint on your drive to the hoop. Gotta blow the whistle! The two similar situations illustrate where one of the lines are for heroism (as a game rule, not moralistically), and in this case, that line is action. It would seem it's not good enough just to have heroic intentions or bold feelings. It doesn't cut it to strike a pose and look cool for two seconds. The intent should be expressed through commitment to an action. The action is what proves the intent. For all we know, John wasn't ready to back up his posture. For all we know, he was terrified! Rose wasn't though. Her action proved it. Why does Rose lashing out in vengeance count as heroic? If you wanted my personal opinion on heroism, I would say a vengeful act is not heroic by itself. We all have our ideas on what heroism means. But I think this is the wrong question to ask. The concern here is less about the moral definition of a heroic act, and more about how heroism is defined in terms of a series of rules which a game system can enforce. Based on some evidence we have, and some things Doc once said about god tier immortality, it's pretty safe to make at least one generalization about heroism as a game construct. The game/story regards your behavior as Heroic if you make some effort to defeat or kill someone who is villainous (or in other words, someone worthy of a Just death). The state of the hero's mind is just an additional consideration, such as whether they happen to be motivated by anger or vengeance. But let's imagine for a moment that a vengeful act is automatically unworthy of heroism, even if directed against a great evil. Wouldn't this be a MAJOR loophole for god tiers to avoid dying heroic deaths? It would mean to qualify as a hero, you couldn't feel anger toward a villain who has almost certainly done something to provoke anger. If a hero ever experienced loss at the hands of a villain, their natural emotional state would exempt them from the heroic consequence of the actions resulting from that anger. They would be completely invulnerable to a villain, so long as they maintained a grudge! The thing with villains is, they tend to have a way of inflicting loss on others. If being wronged precluded heroic behavior, villains would suddenly discover heroes to be incredibly rare commodities. There's a lot to think about here. It's a combination of how you want to morally define heroism and justice, and how to pragmatically construct enforceable rules to that effect. The latter is something that can get very technical, and boil down to hairline actions such as whether one exhibits clear enough forward motion or such, roughly the way sports are officiated. There's no way I'll ever come up with a full list of rules, or even get much deeper into the rules than I have here. But I believe this is a rational outline for the way the subject may be examined, if you wish to do so!!!

[kamizite]

Predictions and Rants. Wrestlemania 33 edition!!!

Sigh… what happened guys? If you watch the monthly podcast you know the theme of the brand split has been Smackdown has weak cards on Paper that Over perform and Raw has Strong cards on paper that underperform.  The Big joint PPVs have been decent some of them actually really good (Survivor Series) and some of them just okay (Royal Rumble).

So here we are… in Pointing Season and I have to say… I’m not feeling this years Wrestlemania. Will I still watch it?  Yeah probably but her is just a few thoughts and predictions on the upcoming card.

 Honorable Mention

 Luke Harper. As of right now he has not been entered in the Battle Royal and odds are he will be relegated to nothing or interference in the Orton/Waytt Main Event. Don’t worry Luke. I’ll be Sunday and we all will know what that really means. That you are Number 1 in our hearts.

The Smackdown Tag Team Championship The division was Dead after American alpha won Tag Team Turmoil. Ironcally that’s my favorite match type but the way the went about it just.. ug.  The SDTTD from the start has basically been NXT (Breezango individually, and Hype Bros. Vaudevillians, American Alpha, The Ascension, Rhyno and one of the Original NXTers Heath Slater)   w/ the Usos. With the exception of AA and the USO ever everyone else has been treated like Clown shoes before and after the brand split.  All that being said… they deserve a championship match at the biggest show of the year and to now be relegated as filler for the Battle Royal.

 The Precook

Alexa Bliss Vs. The World.  So if the punch line here was to have Naomi win the title in her home state… why did they give it to her at Elimination Chamber and had her surrender it the two weeks later?  Was that injury legit and they were playing it safe?  Would this “all available women on the roster” type hype better fit crowning a New Smackdown Women’s Champion at Mania then the one off Match with Becky and the shit show that followed? For that Matter, What is with the STILL “We aren’t sure what match we’re having” nonsense. Alexa deserves better than this, throw away make sure everyone get to play match. Becky Deserves better. Mickie Deserves better. The SDWD is not your filler match Danmit!  With that said, I look for Naomi or some unnamed as of yet participant to walk away.

 The Only Cruiserweights that Matter: Austin Ares vs. nEVILle Seriously.. with the possible exceptions of Jack Gallagher and THE (not A) Brian Kendrick is there any one else that matters? 205 live has been an unmitigated Disaster. The writing is horrible, they perform in front of a dead crowd after the main event of Smackdown, The Wrestling is good but the writing is shoddy. I really feels like 205 Live is better served doing it’s own thing, maybe from the NXT arena where you can get a small but enthusiastic group to help embrace these characters and will appreciate work rate. ALL that being said A Dub has returned and it’s good to see him and rightfully he’s the money match for the man that is single handedly trying to save this division.  I love Heel nEVILle. I also love that A dub is owning the crap out of being Precooked by saying that it just needed to be elevated and he’s the right guy for the job. This is the guy we needed when he debuted. On any other show I’d say the nEVILle retains so we can get a good story out of this but this is pointing season, A Dub is coming back from a pretty harsh injury and this is the show where fairytales come true. A Dub for the win.

“Has Everyone (But Luke Harper) gotten a turn to play?” Battle Royal can you tell I’m a little bitter about his exclusion from the show? Look this is an excuse to get everyone on the card. Winner it did not help Cesaro at 30, Didn’t Help  Big show at 31, and did nothing for A-Ron Corbi at 32. The fact that this battle Royal has Bruan Stowman who has been flying in the last six months and Sami freaking Zayn A.K.A. the best God dam worker on the card is criminal! CRIMINAL! I look for Stowman to win this but we’re all adults here. I don’t care, You don’t care, No body cares.

The Show Proper

In my last rant I talked about how the disrespect to Smackdown was just so apparent. A day removed from that rant, I feel even more strongly that Smackdown is being hamstrung because they are perceive in management as “The B show”. I bleed Smackdown Blue and I will always Rep for them as they are much better than the Trips and Steph show. But with that said let’s talk about

Good Brothers v. Shamsaro v. The Realest Jobbers in the Room (Competitive Lightbulb Changing Match for the Raw Tag team titles) At least the new day are in this match. I love the new day but I think they are just perfect operating as hosts and hopefully can go to smackdown and return to their heelish ways. So confession time. I thought the cop out of the Sheamus/Cesaro best of 7 series was weak sauce and I HATED the thought of them as a tag team mostly because Cesaro deserves a serious singles run. But I’m Always one to admit when I’m wrong and they have won me over. I even dig that Bourg Kick/Hart Attack Move they did a couple of weeks ago but then I’m a sucker for a Tag Team finisher.  I will Always Mark for gallows and Anderson and the E has seriously dropped the ball with them. I have to wonder if their storyline got wrecked when Finn went down with an injury and they had no clue what to do with them. You know what.. I’m also going to say it. I. HATE. Enzo and Cass. Mostly Enzo. His character is not a good person, he drags Cass down who was; months ago competing for the universal championship. He makes more trouble then he solves, and always talking about thing that I MOST CERTAINLY CAN TEACH ENZO! I CAN TEACH ALL THOSE THINGS IN YOUR MONOLOGUE! *ahem* Anyway.  The ladders is just a reason to make them the first match at mania. I’m sorry to say this but I think the Realest Jobbers In the Room are gonna walk away with their first Tag Team championship, if for any reason that this is the only match that Enzo and his no offense self can conceivably win.  

Dean Ambrose vs A-ron Corbi/Boring Crobin (take your pick) for the Intercontental Championship here’s a fun fact, the last PPV the IC belt was defended on was TLC In December with Miz and Dolph. Man remember all the hard work they put in to elevate that title after the brand split and should have rightfully been the main event of no mercy?  Also, I’m a Big dean Ambrose fan but why is it when he gets a singles belt does it suddenly not get defended. I mean he had to with the World Title but this is exactly what happened with his US title run. Again I love Ambrose, and I think this is going to be a great match. All joking aside Corbin has made himself interesting despite the writes booking him like a schmuck that couldn’t win a match against Dolph Ziggler with a broken neck (real thing that happened)  Now that they are booking him like a monster I’m interested in what he does and of course that’s when they relegate most of his stuff in the last three weeks to “Oh yeah this happened” segments between matches, talking smack, and the pay off last week where the match has been official. I think Baron is gonna walk away with the title here. He needs it for legitimacy. Plus the faces can’t win every match.

Good Friends, Better Enemies (Kevin Owens V. Chris Jericho for the US title.) This should have been for the Universal Championship. It really should have. Jericho is so good these days he’s gotten a dammed list over and with KO it was super entertaining to see them week in and out. Especially the After RAW shenanigans with the Undertaker I got to see live! I love the return to the intense prize fighter Owens and I think this match if gonna possibly be match of the night. Huh… I just realized.  Samoa Joe isn’t booked on the card.  That can’t be good for Larerell’s Favorite Wrestler. K.O. for the win and the title because this is going to become the important belt. More on that later.

Total Diva’s: The Match (Big Match John and Super Girl vs. The Marine and Mrs. The Marine for… reasons) confession time again. Last year I said the Miz needed to be a manager, that he just wasn’t cut out for Wrestling but would be a great mouth piece. It’s on youtube so I can’t act like I didn’t say it. I was wrong. I was so Wrong. The Miz has made me believe him. The Miz made the IC belt worth while. His Promos over the last 6 weeks with John Cena have been Straight Fire! (Sorry Dame Dolph Ziggler) I’m more invested in this match then any other on Smackdown’s side. Maryse was a good wrestler back in the Diva’s Era so I’m interested to see what she can bring to the table having been out of action so long. Nikki is serviceable in the ring I feel, I’m sure she has her fans. I’m not one of them but she works hard to put the best match she can and I really respect that. By all rights, Miz should… NEEDS to win this.  But it’s pointing Season and let’s be honest, You can’t Beat Super Man. Also look for John to Propose after the match. Just Sayin’.

Can someone please hold this Belt for more than 4 weeks!?! (Bailey v  Charlotte v Sasha Banks v Nia Jax Fatal Four way Elimination for the Raw Women’s championship) This feels less can everyone play but it illustrates a point. Stuff as many competitors in a Women’s Division match as you can. That’s a little harsh, I Realize but I mean.. would it Kill them to have a one on one match and put the other two in their own match? I’m just saying Smackdown’s Last PPV had three Women’s Matches. I’m a fan of all these Women, and I feel like Nia has been over looked in the division for a while if for the only reason as she feels like a Division Killer to me like Chyna, Awesome Kong, or Beth Phoenix was. Sahsa and Charolette  are always Awesome together and Throw Baily in the Mix and great stuff is bound to happen. As much as I want to say put it on Nia and settle down with the title swaps for a while, I think Bailey walks out because She is the epitome of a dream moment coming true.  

*sigh* We could have had Shawn (A.J. Styles Vs. Shane McMahon because Brock didn’t want to do it) I think it’s worse that Shawn said they offered him the match and he turned it down.  I mean. Michaels v. Styles?  Money.. just money all over. Not that I don’t Enjoy Shane-o-bump but this feels shoe horned in. I feel like when you have the best wrestler in the world you can find… you know… another wrestler for him to work with on the grandest stage of them all. That being said, Styles pulled good matchs out of Roman and Shane even in his 40’s is no slouch. But We’re all adults here. A.J. is winning. It is the only logical conclusion.

Seth Rollins vs Triple H in a Non-Sanctioned Match. There is a part of me, the part of me that will suspend my disbelief that worries that there is a nugget of truth in Rollins signing a Hold Harmless just so he doesn’t miss two straight manias. That being said, this is the logical conclusion to the turn that happened.. wow.. like three years ago. Pedigree vs (Less awesome looking) Pedigree.  You know, I know this is the Trips Vanity match and all buyt I really hope this is the last year for this because to a lesser extent I feel the same way about Rollins that I Do AJ. We could have had a better match with a full time worker here, but then when you on the Trips and Steph show and your facing Trips… I guess that’s as good as being in the world title match right? Right!?!  Anyway Trips wins with the help of Samoa Joe (he has the meats).

You don’t mess with a man’s Fries, You don’t mess with a Man’s Yard. (Roman Reigns Vs Undertaker for… the yard I guess?) So I said that Smackdown had 4 main card matches to Raw’s 6. Then I was corrected when someone pointed out that The Undertaker was a smackdown Talent so technically that’s 4.5 to 5.5.  Alright, so then… When was the last time Taker was on Smackdown? Before Survivor Series? Has this match had anything significant happen on Smack down like Roman showing up looking for Captain Black hat and Fog? No?  All of the buildup for this has been on Raw? My count still stands and that just makes me Angrier about the mistreatment of Team Blue. GOD I hope this is the end of the Roman Reigns Experiment. This needs to be His coming out party as a heel. I mean he’s main evented the last 2 wrestlemanias… and there’s a very good chance that since this is a “Crossbrand” Match with Taker that in order to not “show favoritism” to either brand that this ends up being the last match of the night. If they play this like Heel reigns finally having it with the cans and having his “The Rock joins the Nation” moment this could be pretty good. If they keep on with this “He’s So Polerizing” stuff.. this could be really bad.  I choose to be optimistic which means…. Roman win by cheating. Belee Dat!

Should Be the Main Event (Bray Wyatt Vs. Randell Q Orton for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship) The World Heavyweight Championship is the only True World Championship. It has the lineage. It doesn’t look Ridiculous. Randell Q Orton won the Royal Rumble which (at least in the last two years) Mean you are the Main event (read: Last match) of WrestleMania. Odds are it won’t be and I’ll be honest.. besides the reasons stated above, I’m not sure it deserves to be. It’s been a long boil to this point with Randy joining the wyatts driving a wedge between Bray and Luke, and then Double crossing bray and performing Arson.  And HE’S The good guy!  I mean in the last six week things have gotten… well weird. There was the aforementioned Arson skit which Ran… like ten minutes too long with all it’s creep cuts and transition and awkward pauses. We’ve had Bray rubbing dirt and ashes all over himself.  We’ve had his version of the Druid the uh… Rowans?  Sheeple?  I don’t know what to call them. But yeah that last week. And then Randel Q. Orton last night drive a Crusix.. or whatever they called it that was on fire into the ground where he burned Bray house down. So uh… yeah. I’m gonna ignore the obvious signs and say Bray wins this.  They want him to be the New Taker he needs a big win and really He’s the Face in this match.

Will Probably Be the Main Event (Cold Beer Vs Bork Lazer for the WWE Universal Championship of the World.) Back at Survivor Series, everyone blew they lids when Cold Beer won his match in like 2 minutes. My reactions was “Because of course he did. How did I not see that coming?  THAT, is the Goldberg Match.” It was a great way to build a Wrestlmania rematch AND get Bork out of his then plans to fight Shane-o-bump. It would be the match we deserved 13 years ago at Wrestlemania 20! It would heal that eyesore of a match! Then Goldberg Won the Universal Championship. Then I got REAL over this feud, REAL fast. Goldberg in his prime was not a long match kind of guy. Goldberg now has not been in the ring for more than 5 minutes of active match time. Brock’s matchs are Suxplex, suplex suplex, hope spot, suplex suplex suplex, f5. I do not have high hopes for this match. Add to the fact both these guys are part timers and are not going to be at Every Raw PPV, Ever Raw Show, and CERTIANLY not any House shows, this cheapens an already new belt with dubious credibility. It’s one of those Rare time the Belt actually takes away my interest in the match.  Regardless… this can only end in Brock getting his win back  and if the Plan’s are to be believed of a Roman v. Brock Main event at 34, There is a good chance he might hold that belt all year. Because you know… it did so much for the other title when Brock held, and didn’t defend it last time. Unless Finn win’s it back on Raw the night after.

And… Wow… that really got away from me.  So That’s my Rant/Prediction of Wrestlemania. I know I sound like I’m pretty cynical but once I am watching it I’ll totally be into it. Because I’m a mark and I’m proud of that.

Edited: for Clarity and because of course i missed all my spelling mistakes and probably still have missed some. Oh Well.

[m2009u]

Chapter 5: Ravage 2099 #2

Previously Paul-Phillip Ravage is a naive idiot straight out of a Silver Age comic who lost his job and reputation because he believes that Alchemax is NOT a corrupt company.  Now he is the Garbage Avenger: a Brooklyn sounding anarchist who dress up in trash and drives a garbage truck.  Not really a good first impression IMO.

The comic opens up with this ugly mofo!

Y’know I kind of want to give the artist prop for making this Mutroid look like the many characters that only Jack Kirby would draw.  And yes the dialogue didn’t improve . . . okay they slightly improve but now we have to deal with Silver Age style text boxes that always opens up the story.

Anyway Stormer wants to overthrow Dethstryk rule over Hellrock, and doesn’t take shit from anyone who disagrees with him.

Getting tired of shit, Dethstryk decided to come down from his plaza and deal with the rabble rouser who thinks he’s tough shit . . . does anybody use rabble rouser anymore?

Stormer attacks Dethstryke but comes to realize he was no match.

So yeah Stormer realizes he’s no match for Dethstryk and surrenders like the bitch he is.

He is totally an original character!  Clearly he isn’t a rip off to Doctor Doom and Magneto given the last panel!

But enough about him, let’s get to the main story where a bunch of cops talk shit about Ravage’s truck.

Being the law abiding individual as painfully seen in the last comic, Ravage decided to ram his truck at the law enforcement . . . oh right, I forgot he became a loose cannon rebel at the end of the first comic.

I like to think the reason why he is attacking the officers is because he didn’t take to kindly about what they said about his truck.

Holy crap, I was just joking about his reasons for attacking the officers.  But judging by his dialogue, his truck is serious fucking business.

And the Garbage Avenger threw a cog at the Public Eye officer like it was a Batarang.  Dear God, this story is actually picking up!  Why wasn’t THIS the first comic instead of that lame out dated bullshit that is the actual Ravage 2099 #1.

Seriously, I think I prefer Ravage as the Garbage Avenger more than him as some CEO to cop hippies.  It actually shows how the character live up to his name.  Especially in his monologue lampshading how much of a pushover he was for Alchemax.

While driving his truck he notice an ad for the Ultimate Kevlar, which is some sort of blasterproof cloth. Knowing how useful that would be, he does like any liked minded American and loot the place with his TRUKK!

Our hero ladies and gentleman . . . though granted he is stealing it from an obviously corrupt corporation and he is basically the Stone Cold Steve Austin of the story.  So I’ll let it slide.  Too bad Public Eye won’t as they give chase to the Garbage Avenger after receiving reports of breaking and entering..

But the question still remains: is the Ultimate Kevlar really blaster proof? 

Yes. Yes it is.

I don’t think anybody with a sense of fashion would want to wear something that has a “Ravage Seal of Approval”.

Meanwhile Andethrope meets with an officer reporting on his failure to detain Ravage.  Mook execution in 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . .

Good to see that he’s still acting like a cliche Bond villain.

Meanwhile on Hellrock, Dethstryke receives a premonition of Ravage being a threat to his rule from his soothe sayer.

Guess he didn’t heard the news that Ravage is now the Garbage Avenger.  Who speaking of is at a dump figuring out a way to hide his truck.  Not because he is a fugitive and is identified driving the thing.  But really is because in the future it is taboo for Humans to have romantic relationship with Vehicles.  And since the love between Ravage and his trukk is publicly known, they are marked for being heathens for even 

Aw.  He really knows how to sweet talk a gir- I mean trukk.  Trukk’s gender is trukk btw.  Can’t be misgendering trukk.

Too bad he’s not the only one who has a truck fetish.  A bunch of vagrants ambushed Ravage so they can have their way with his trukk!

Yeah don’t you dare try to rape his trukk!  If anybody is going to fuck it, it’s gonna be Ravage!  

I’ll just skip ahead and tell you that he kicked all their asses.

Meanwhile (again) Dethstryk contacts Anderthrope over Ravage still being alive and demands the Bond Villain to lure him to Hellrock.

Oh my God!  He’s going to kidnap Ravage’s one true love: HIS TRUKK!!!

. . . Or that hot secretary or whatever.  She’s not a trukk.  She’s just some model sized Asian lady in a mini skirt and open chest.  How can she compete with a trukk!

Anyway,  Tiana isn’t happy with Ravage keeping her locked up in the apartment for her protection and notes how she is totally over him.  We all know you are jealous of trukk, admit it.

Just as she walks out the door, they are ambushed by Alchemax mercenaries/Public Eye officers (couldn’t tell the difference but I assumed Public Eye are under Alchemax payroll).  All of the sudden, Ravage was justified in telling a woman to stay in her place.

Naturally a fight scene occurs . . . nuff said.

Knowing Stan Lee’s way of writing action girls back in the 60s, she’s not going to be of much use.

Well I’ll be damned.  Guess Stan’s is channeling the way he wrote actions girls like Spider-Woman and She Hulk during the 70s.  She’s an actual badass and not completely useless.  Wish I could say the same for Dack . . . 

You’re black and fighting, who I assume, are future cops.  You DON’T have the type advantage here.

Realizing they are getting their asses beat, the Alchemax cops decided to use their transit beam to capture Tiana.

In hindsight, they should of done that to begin with.  The comic ends with Ravage swearing to save Tiana and the Alchemax goons revealing where they are heading.

This comic is definitely an improvement over the last one.  Don’t get me wrong, it still have it share of flaws including the Hellrock scenes feeling disjointed from the main story, the Silver Age Style still persisting in the writing via dialogue, and not much story development as to why pollution is such a big deal in the future and what use is it for the Mutroids.  But I do enjoy it for the shift in the main character’s personality who kind of reminds me of Stone Cold Steve Austin at this point.  Seriously, it manage to turn this story around for me as a no nonsense rebel who will fuck up anything and anyone who gets in his/her way is always an awesome yet destructive archetype to see.  Not to mention Tiana’s character evolution as she doesn’t act to dependent on Ravage like she did in the first issue and calls him out on his over protection; hope this doesn’t go away.  All in all, it’s a better introduction to the series than the first issue.

Next time: Doom 2099 #1.  And now I need to change my pants due to all this love nectar in it.