#thinking sam would also be there at some points.
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ltye: in your hands
authors note: welp. here i am, once again. we're back with yet another 'what if' scenario, prompted by you lovely people in an ask that i can't seem to find to link right now. smh.
words: 3.3k
warnings: none. just sam being sam.
song inspo: in your hands by halle
Roman should have stuck with his first mind. Stayed home. Texted her some excuse about being caught up with work. She would have never found out the truth, and even if she did, he wouldn’t have given two fucks.
Because this shit doesn’t seem to be getting any better.
This dating thing.
It’s gotta be at least the fifth or sixth one he’s taken her on, and each one has been just as miserable up until the point where he gets her on her knees, gagging or bouncing on his dick the minute they get back to his penthouse. Anything before that has been irksome, borderline miserable.
Samantha is stunning. Has been since they were kids, and her body is the most desirable of the women he has on his roster. She leans on the thinner side of what he prefers, but the tits and ass are decent, regardless. She’s also just as kinky as him, which is why they’ve worked all these years.
But, the more “dates” Roman forces himself to power through, the more he’s starting to feel like bedroom activities is where it stops for them.
Technically, he’s always known this. Even if he did have some level of desire to be in a real relationship with someone, which he doesn't, it would never be her. She’s vain, condescending, and seems to think she’s somehow better than the other women he fucks with.
If only she realized he views her just like he views the rest of the women. A warm body with a wet cunt to help him get his dick wet.
“Roman!” Her voice cuts through his inner dialogue as he focuses on her cleavage. The dress she wore, short and tight, doesn’t help his desire to skip to the fucking part of this evening. “Did you hear what I said?”
“No.” Roman sees no sense in lying to her. “I probably don’t care either.”
She rolls her eyes and proceeds to continue like he literally didn’t just tell her he doesn’t care. “I was saying we should go somewhere.”
He’s partially intrigued now. Mostly because he’ll probably need to set her ass straight. “Where?”
She smiles and shrugs. “I don’t know. I was thinking Bora Bora.”
He shakes his head. “So go.”
She frowns, clarifying. “I said we should go, Roman.”
He scoffs, looking off at the ice sculpture in the middle of the upscale restaurant. A waste of money, in his opinion. “What the hell makes you think I have time to go to fucking Bora Bora with you?” He really wants to ask her what makes her think he would want to in the first place, but he’s trying to be somewhat less of an asshole to see if maybe this could work.
His Wise Man’s nervous voice balanced out with sage wisdom returning to the front of his mind.
“If the Elders are to force you into a marriage, why not with someone you already know? Especially someone who you know would have no issue in giving you an heir.”
If only Samantha wasn’t so fucking annoying.
She leans back in the chair. “You make time for these dates.”
Out of obligation. But, he won’t say that. “Yeah, but I can get my nut and send your ass packing in the same night. Can't do that if we're out of the fucking country.”
“You’re suck a di—”
“I’m so sorry.”
Soft. It’s the first thing that comes to mind hearing her voice. Light, almost. Kind. Even with just three words being spoken. And that’s just based off audio. Visually, Roman’s thoughts take an entirely different direction.
Stunning.
Roman’s seen, entertained, and done a lot more with some beautiful women in his time, but the one standing at their table seems to have something more than all of them put together. She’s beautiful, easily one of the most gorgeous women he’s ever laid eyes on. And her smile, small but genuine makes him pause. As does her body.
She’s wearing the same uniform he’s noticed on the other waitresses, but none of them fill them out like she does. The white, long sleeved shirt that’s tucked into the knee length black pencil skirt can’t hide the curves he can practically see through the bland outfit. Nice, heavy breast. Curvy hips, thick thighs and an ass he can partially see from the front.
This. This is his preferred body type. A woman who has something he can grab onto when he’s fucking her from behind. And Roman can only imagine what it would be like to be holding onto those luscious hips of hers while he—
“Oh my god, are you stupid?” Samantha’s annoying voice once again pulls him from his carnal fantasies. She gestures between herself and him. “Can you not see we’re in the middle of something?”
The girl, who Roman would guess is in her late twenties, early thirties at most, immediately looks repentant. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—I was just going to apologize for your wa—”
“Whatever.” Samantha lifts her hand, silencing the girl who’s now looking down at her shoes, clearly embarrassed. “What’s the special for this evening?”
“What’s your name?” Roman’s question comes out at the same time as Samantha’s inquiry. However, his voice clearly presents with more of a commanding nature.
She swallows. “S–Solana.”
Pretty. Just like her.
Samantha notices the way Roman is looking at her and is fully confused as to why he’s asking this fat troll for her name. She cuts in again, in that same nasty tone. “Hello? I asked you a question.”
Solana is clearly struggling with Samantha’s aggressiveness, Roman wondering why this bitch is directing whatever unresolved feelings she has onto this innocent girl. “Umm, I think—”
Samantha scoffs, nose turned up. “You’re our waitress, and you don’t even know what the evening special is?”
“No ma’am, I do. I’m sorry. It’s just—it’s been a long day.” There’s a weight to her words, a sadness in her voice and in her pretty brown eyes. Roman notices all of these things and finds himself wondering what the story is. Everyone has one, and hers is suddenly of interest to him. For reasons he cannot understand.
“Pretty unprofessional to bring up your personal life, don’t you think?”
Solana closes her eyes, pausing before answering. She looks exhausted. Mentally and physically. “It’s Squab. That’s the main co—”
“I’m a vegetarian. I don’t eat meat.” Roman rolls his eyes. This hoe has been saying that since they were in high school, yet every so often she goes back to having a normal fucking diet only to switch back to that salad shit. “What’s on your—”
“I’ll do us both a favor and get her to shut the fuck up.” Roman has had enough, both of Samantha’s grating voice but mostly her being a bitch to this girl for no reason. He’s a dick on the regular. He knows this. But, never has he come across someone like this Solana woman who, with just her presence alone, exudes such softness. Like, she doesn’t have a mean bone in her fine ass body. And she clearly doesn’t because anyone else would have probably lost their job by cussing Samantha out. Not that it wouldn’t be deserved.
Roman catches the faintest hint of a smile on Solana’s face as she redirects her attention to him. “Give her the salmon. I’ll take your best steak. For wine, you carry Madeira?”
She’s pulled out her notepad and finishes taking down the order before answering with a nod. “Yes, sir.”
Roman’s jaw clenches at that sir bit. He could ruin this girl. “What do you recommend?”
She’s visibly taken back by his question, probably by the fact that he’s asking her for her opinion. “Umm—”
“Roman, I can rec—”
“I didn’t ask you,” he cuts that bitch off with the quickness, eyes never leaving the pretty girl before him. “I asked Solana.”
Her smiles widens as she answers in a more confident tone. “Julio Barros…..1950.”
Roman smirks.
Exactly what he was going to order.
“I’ll take it.”
Their gazes linger on each other a second too long for Samantha’s liking as she cuts in once once more. “You can go now.”
Solana’s smile drops again, Roman suddenly finding himself all annoyed. Her smile is something pretty that he wouldn’t mind seeing more of, though that irritation is waned as he’s granted the view of her nice, round ass and curvy hips swaying as she walks to the back to turn in their order.
Samantha reaches over and touches his hand, Roman snatching it back and sneering at her. “What?”
She sighs. “Baby, I’m trying to talk about us.”
And just like that, he’s annoyed all over again. “There is no us.”
Samantha looks sad only for a brief second. “Roman, I’m not stupid. I know what these dates have been for. You’re trying to see if it could work.”
“If what could work?”
“Us.” She goes on to share. “There’s rumors that the Elders have been putting more pressure on you to settle down and make an heir.” Sam leans over the table, intentionally trying to emphasize her cleavage. It’s nice. He’ll give her that. But, he’s certain it’s nothing compared to Solana though and those big breast of her hers. “I can do that for you. Be that for you. Be your wife. The mother of your children.”
Not a damn thing she’s saying sounds even the least bit desirable. At all.
“I mean, we’ve been fucking around since we were kids. Why not make it official?”
For a lot of reasons. All the reasons. The main one being Roman don’t like this bitch unless she’s choking on or riding his dick.
What he does like, however, and finds solace in is the interactions with Ms. Solana as the evening goes on. They’re not very often outside of her bringing the bottle of wine and their food when it’s ready as well as a check-in here or there on how they’re doing.
Each time Samantha sending her the dirtiest look or just being an ol’e nasty bitch, to which Roman shuts down, cutting her off and even telling her to shut the fuck up.
The girl is just trying to do her damn job. And as his eyes locate and land on her on several different occasions, he can see that she works hard. Moving from table to table, almost saddened facial expression indicates she’s on the receiving end of more verbal lashings from people like Samantha.
That actually pisses him off, Roman having to control and stop himself from doing some out of pocket shit.
Again, for what reason, he hasn’t the slightest clue. He just knows those brief glimpses of her actually smiling, usually when she’s chatting with a coworker, do something for him.
Maybe even to him.
And unbeknownst to him, the intrigue goes both ways, because as shitty a day Solana Miller was having, the handsome stranger with the rude girlfriend or wife or whatever has somehow, someway made this day just a little bit better.
It’s been some time, if ever, Solana has come across someone with such a presence about them. Him dining at this uppity restaurant she was able to score a job at tells her that he’s wealthy. His disposition and the fact that he somehow secured it to where the surrounding tables of where he sits have been marked as unavailable tells her that he has pull. But, the way he interacts with her, a literal nobody, she’s not sure what that means.
Especially with the beautiful woman he’s with, because while Solana thinks she’s every bit a bitch as most of the women who come into this place, she’s a stunning bitch.
Which is why Solana can’t allow herself to believe that that equally beautiful looking man is looking at her in any sort of capacity.
There’s no way in he—
“Solana.”
And just like that, she's frowning again. “Mami?”
The last thing she expected to see this evening was the sight of her mother, already dressed in her scrubs, baby in her arms.
Solana’s baby.
Her 11-month–old daughter, Soraya.
The shock wears off as Nina gets closer, Solana shaking her head, “what are you—”
Nina shakes her head, face apologetic and tone contrite. “I’m so sorry, baby, but I got called into work. I can’t watch Raya.”
Shit
It's inconvenient, but Solana understands it. She remembers the countless times Nina had no other option but to leave her with a neighbor after being called into work at all kinds of hours. She’s always worked so hard to take care of the two of them when Solana was growing up.
“It’s okay, mama.” Solana easily reaches for her daughter, a wave of relief and happiness washing over her as she holds and kisses her baby. The source of all her joy. All of the struggle, every bit of it, is worth it as long as she has her daughter. She’d do anything for her. “How was she?”
Nina gives a small chuckle. “She’s like you were and still are. An easy child.” Solana kisses Soraya’s temple. “Sol…..” And just like that, Solana already knows she’s probably not going to like what she’s about to hear. “I know you’ve said you don’t want to go after him for child support, but it’s not fair for you to be out here working two jobs while putting yourself through school to take care of his child.”
Solana holds Soraya just a smidge tighter. “She’s my baby, mami.”
Nina counters. “She’s his biological child.” Solana looks away, hopeful her manager, Aldis, doesn’t come out and scold her for this little interaction. She’s scheduled to clock out in another half hour anyway. “He should be paying you child support.”
Her mom is right. Solana knows this, knows that it’s not fair for her to have to be the sole provider for her baby girl, while Cruz lives his best life as an absentee, deadbeat dad. And she’s considered on several occasions going to the courthouse to see what she needs to do to get that ball rolling.
But, every time, she’s haunted by something he said the last time they spoke, not even a month after her daughter was born.
“Don’t you get it? We were fine before she came in the picture! We could be fine again if she wasn’t.”
Solana’s never been more disturbed than she was to hear those words leave his mouth. That’s why she’s glad he’s gone, that he wants nothing to do with her or his child. Because she would never trust to leave her baby girl with him in the first place.
And if that means she does it without him contributing financially, that’s exactly what she’ll do.
Solana shifts Soraya from one hip to the other. “I don’t need him, mami.” And she doesn’t. Because if Solana had to resort to sex work to take care of herself and her daughter, it’s exactly what she’d do.
Nina gives a heavy sigh. “Mija, you know I help you when I can.”
“I know.” Because she does. But, the same way that times are hard for her. They’re hard for her mom, too. Everyone’s struggling these days, it seems. Everyone except the rich people who wine and dine without a care in the world around them. “I’ll be okay.”
Always will be.
Nina gives a knowing nod, hugging her daughter and gently taking her granddaughter’s hand, kissing it, speaking in Spanish. “I’ll see you later, okay? Abuela loves you.”
Solana smiles. “Thanks, mama.”
“Always, baby.”
Nina reaches Solana the diaper bag, Solana placing it on the bar stool, knowing it’s bound to be left alone. These rich ass people would never bother with the Ross purchase. With a final parting smile, Nina is off to the hospital, leaving Solana with her daughter who’s just now waking up.
“Hi, baby girl,” Solana giggles at the almost cranky expression on her baby’s face. Raya is definitely not the happiest camper when being woken up.
A glance at the time reminds Solana that she technically is still on the clock and really shouldn’t have her child with her. But, with no other option, she accepts she’ll just have to clock out early and take whatever those consequences are.
But before that, the least she can do is grab the bill from the table where the handsome stranger and his girlfriend sat. She’s briefly disappointed to see the table empty, even if she remembers his deep voice thanking her for her assistance this evening as she brought them that same check earlier.
It’s a silly thing, really. And she tries to push away the disappointment at not properly telling him goodbye. A stranger.
Silly.
Soraya grasps at the collar of her shirt while Solana walks over to the table, pausing as she gets close enough to see that there’s more than just a bill with a signature. There’s cash. A stack of it. Money in hand, she’s confused, because this man paid with a black card, so what—
“Good.”
Solana gaps and spins around, her eyes widening as she looks up. He’s a lot taller than she realized, burly body nearly eclipsing her view of anything else, silky black hair in such a neat, perfect bun. “Wanted to make sure you got it.”
Brows furrowed, it’s hard for her to speak for a lot of reasons. One of which is the fact that this man cannot be real. A man cannot be this handsome. But, he is real, and he’s looking at her.
And Soraya.
“I—” She shakes her head, clearing her throat. “Is this—you already paid—”
“That’s not for the bill,” his voice is so velvety, smooth, and deep. “It’s your tip.”
Eyes widening, her gaze snaps to the wad of cash as Soraya continues to grasp and squeeze her shirt. She doesn’t even need to count to know that this is a nice amount of money.
Too much.
“I can’t—it’s too much.”
He chuckles, “do I look like I can’t afford it?” Her eyes roam over his big, muscular build dressed in fine, expensive looking clothes. He just oozes wealth.
And power.
“N–no.”
“Dealing with Samantha, trust me, you earned it.” Solana looks down, wanting to hide her small smile. His gaze redirects to the child in her arm. “Who is this?”
And just like that, Solana’s proud smile returns. “My daughter, Soraya.” It’s like Soraya knows she’s being discussed, lifting her little head to look at Roman. A big grin on her face before she buries her face into Solana’s neck.
Roman makes a sound, and she can almost swear she sees the smallest smile on his handsome face. “She looks like you.”
That creates such a warm, fuzzy feeling in her stomach, “thank you…..”
He looks at her a bit confused, like her unspoken question surprises him, before answering. “Roman.” Roman. “Roman Reigns.”
Roman Reigns. Even his name is powerful.
It fits him.
Solana shifts Soraya around as she starts to get wiggly in her arms. “Well, thank you, Mr. Reigns.” She’s certain the shock of just how much money this random, rich stranger has given her hasn’t truly set in. Because if it had, she’d have a much more visceral response.
A lot more.
“Roman,” he corrects. “Call me Roman.”
“Roman….”
Something indecipherable flashes in his eyes, something that makes her feel a bit unnerved under his intense stare. It’s broken, however, by her now irritated daughter.
“Mama.” Soraya makes her dissatisfaction at being still for too long known by punching her tiny fist against Solana’s chest. “Mama!”
“Shhhhh,” Solana kisses her temple, trying to quiet her down before someone makes Aldis aware of her presence. She looks at Roman, eyes softening, “thank you again.”
Truly. Honestly. He hasn’t the slightest clue how much this will help her. It’s why she can stand here without anxiety and concern about making it to the bus stop on time. Tonight.....tonight she’ll treat herself and her baby with calling an Uber instead.
Might even stop and pick up dinner.
Roman nods, eyes briefly glancing at her daughter again, the smallest smile on his face. “I’ll see you later, Solana.” His head dips a bit in acknowledgment towards her baby. “Soraya.”
The smile is plastered on her face even as he walks off without another word. And it’s only a good two minutes later that she catches onto what he said. A certain word in particular standing out the most.
What did he mean by later?
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Decided to ask my roommate how she felt about MC's description of LOTR. Think she's not a fan
HAHAHAHA. As someone who is actually a fan of LOTR and the hobbit, I can assure you that it pained me to inhabit the brain of a non-LOTR fan MC to write that sentence.
Honestly, I would watch a full LOTR movie where it's just Legolas and Gimli bickering. That freakin' made the movies for me. Especially Gimli's one-liners about dwarves not being long distance runners etc. etc.
Also, I should definitely have MC relay that sentence to Sam at some point. I think Sam would likely do the strangling with shoelace.
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Eyyy a new writer! Could I request some headcanons for Joel with a shy s/o?
A/N: Absolutely! Here are some I thought of, I hope you like them!
Joel Miller x GN!shy!reader dating headcanons!
Warnings: a bit of implied violence at the beginning, but nothing more than that, just fluff :D
Banner by sam on Pinterest!
To start off, he thinks your shyness is absolutely adorable, and it makes him even more protective of you.
If anybody were to comment on it though, he'd have to control the urge to bash their head into the ground right then and there.
He's more than happy to order for you in restaurants and trivial things like that.
If he senses you're getting overwhelmed or anxious in group settings, he would wrap a comforting arm around you or pull you aside until you're ready to come back out again.
However, your shyness also poses a bit of a problem with communicating boundaries in your relationship.
Usually, Joel can read you like a book and see if something he's doing is bothering you. But, at the end of the day, he's not a mind reader.
One day, he noticed that you're really off and decided to ask you about it.
You kept denying that anything was wrong every time he asked, and at that point, he started to get extremely worried, and it took a lot of reassuring for you to finally tell him.
When he realised it was just you communicating a boundary, he began to laugh.
"W..Why are you laughing?" you asked in a quiet voice, your pretty little head already overthinking the whole situation, "I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have said anything at all, it's-" He took your hand into his as you rambled, his other moving below your chin to make you look up at him.
"Hey, hey, listen to me. I promise, I ain't mad," he drawled, his hand moving to cup your cheek, his calloused thumb caressing it, "I'm proud of you for tellin' me, darlin'," he murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
You felt your worries melt away the more you two talked about it.
With time, you managed to grow a bit more confident in yourself and with communication, and you're more than thankful to have somebody like him by your side to give you reassurance when you need it.
#tlou#the last of us#tlou joel#joel miller#gender neutral reader#x reader#joel x reader#joel miller x reader#dating headcanons#headcanons
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‼️This post is part of a choose your own adventure series and is not meant to be read stand-alone. Click HERE to go to the masterlist and Chapter beginnings‼️
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Ask if he's ok
Chapter 2
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Your concern wins you over and you pull back from the kiss. As you pull away Josh lets out a small groan and reaches up to try and kiss you again. You laugh and gently place a hand on his mouth. “Josh, wait, are you doing ok?”
He groans “Y/n no offense but we are not a one night stand who just met each other, we don’t have to do the whole get to know you thing.” he mumbles from behind your hand.
You grin for a moment before your face goes back to serious. “No I mean, with all the guys being here, and I guess… just being here in general.” You remove your hand from his mouth.
His face falls and he moves to sit up, scooting back so his back rests against the headboard and pulling your body with him so you remain on his lap. “Look y/n, in all honesty it freaks me out a bit, I miss them but more than anything I’m happy they all came up here, happy you're here.” He trails a hand down your face and you lean into it. You know there’s more, but you also know these next few days aren’t the time to interrogate him about it.
“Ok,” You whisper and move your face to press a kiss to his hand “Ok, anything you need I’m here”
He smiles at you and hugs you close to him.
Suddenly you hear a noise from outside the room. Josh groans “Someone definitely just broke something, fuck.” He moves you off his lap gently, stands and starts to walk to the door while you remain sitting on the bed.
“Hey,” he turns to your voice, “what if… we just stay here tonight? I mean tension in the group is still running high, there’s a good chance everyone else will stay split off or just go to sleep. We could make hot chocolate and popcorn? Watch a movie? I got a few of those horror films you like downloaded on my computer? It’ll be fun!” You know at this point you're rambling but you can see his face softening the more you talk.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” He briskly walks over to you so he can plant a dramatic kiss on your forehead. When he looks at you again there’s a huge smile plastered across his face. “I’ll check on everyone else and get the food and you can stay here, pulling up that movie, and just stay looking pretty for me which shouldn’t be too hard cause you always are.” He winks and you roll your eyes. “I’ll be no more than an hour, maybe get some rest, it’ll be a long night.” He says the last part while walking out the door in a sing-songy voice.
You smile before remembering something from earlier. “And you know Chris told me about that snow angels comment from earlier.” He leaned back in the room, his interest peaked. “That will not be happening.”
Josh lets out a laugh as he closes the door behind him.
The door closes behind him and you lay back onto the soft pillows, he’s right, a nap would be nice right about now. You close your eyes and let sleep overtake you.
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End of Chapter 2
You got: Ending #4
Chapter 3: Beginning #4 (coming soon!)
OBaC Masterlist
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I like to think if you were actually playing the game this would be the choice that would increase your relationship with Josh the most.
For anyone confused when this takes place it’s around the time Mike and Jess are walking to the cabin, and before Josh goes with Chris and Ashley. Sam failing to turn the heater on alone was the noise.
#until dawn#until dawn x reader#josh washington x you#josh washington x reader#interactive story#interactive fiction#interactive novel#ashley brown#ashley until dawn#chris hartley#chris until dawn#emily davis#emily until dawn#jessica riley#jessica until dawn#josh washington#josh until dawn#matt taylor#matt until dawn#mike munroe#mike until dawn#sam giddings#sam until dawn#hannah washington#hannah until dawn#beth washington#beth until dawn#choose your own adventure#wendigo#of butterflies and consequences
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Another thing about the lameness of Apocalypse World being the result of "Mary's choice" is that it gives too much weight to Azazel's deal. That demon spent a lot of energy finding his "special children" and had never even noticed Mary before Dean's interference.
Interference that happened because Castiel made Dean travel through time and told him he had to "stop it" just to show him that it wasn't possible. Of course Cas didn't know, back then, about angels basically acting as and for Chuck by manipulating people, time and events for their own benefit. Still, you have to wonder after "In the beginning" whether Cas actually realizes what he has done.
Whether Mary deals with Azazel or not doesn't matter because of the bloodlines. The only difference is that if she said no an angel would fly in, resurrect John and wipe out their memories. Just like Zachariah and Michael tell Dean in S5.
The whole thing about demon blood as necessary in order to be Lucifer's vessel is just there for effect, I think, because neither Dean nor Adam need to be "primed" to be Michael's true vessel who, apparently, is even more powerful than Lucifer. Or, I don't know, to me that doesn't track at all but I might be missing something. I mean, it kinda shows how Kripke was tired of the "special children" plotline but, yk, the awkward, giant elephant in the room is that the foundation of the show is Sam and demon blood so... they had to justify it in some way, I think. But, again, I might miss something here.
The real importance of Azazel's deal is that it highlights Mary's complete loneliness in the world: in an instant her parent and her fiancé are dead. She deals because she bargains her otherwise horrible present (which is still horrible, tbh) for an unspecified future (which she craves. a lot. we've been told. multiple times that she wants to "escape" her current life). The tragedy is precisely that she doesn't know that she's specifically damning Sam's future in the process.
The real, real tragedy, however, is that she has no choice, whatever she does, SHE will always end up there. Because Mary and John are just "placeholders". The angels are basically just waiting for the demons to do the hard and dirt work while, they think, they just have to manipulate low ranking angels and get Dean's consent. Precisely the two things that fuck them in the end because Castiel rebels and Dean doesn't consent.
The other thing about Azazel's deal is that he doesn't need permission to enter Mary's house, that's just an excuse because of the "red tape". He has to bend the rules of the natural order and, in order to do so, he needs to make a deal. His deals are basically asking people to sign and date a blank sheet which is, obvs, a super manipulation, but, because people accept that, the deals "respect" the rules. It's absolutely unfair considering that this seems to apply only to humans while angels bend even the rules of time as they please with no consequences (well... actually, "what goes around comes around" and they will almost all be wiped out, lol).
The tragedy in the tragedy of the tragedy is that Dean understands that's about the souls. "In the beginning" makes a point of telling us that's not about that but I don't think it's true. Yes, Azazel won't come knocking in ten years with his hellhounds but he's bargaining a soul for a soul. Liddy's husband, if Azazel had managed to deal, wouldn't have died; Charlie's father would have lived; John would have died etc. So, in this episode at least because I don't remember the parents of the other special children tbh, Azazel is exchanging the life or death of 1 parent with the future of 1 of their children. At the end of the day, this is what the deal is about: it's a 1 for 1. This is also why he can't resurrect Mary's parents. Well, because he doesn't care, obviously, but because he doesn't have to: John's resurrection for Sam's future (which Mary has no idea about and neither does Azazel, he's also signing a blank sheet).
And this is so interesting because demons must follow the rules but angels don't because they are SO certain that they will end Time. They think they will put an end to everything and finally have their "paradise". When it doesn't come to pass, when the end doesn't arrive as promised, everybody has to face the consequences of their actions.
#i'd like to know if the show makes sense if i start watching it from “in the beginning” and then the other time travels episodes#or maybe the real beginning is “as time goes by”?#it'd be cool#time travels in spn#supernatural#spn#castiel#sam winchester#dean winchester#mary winchester#john winchester#azazel#spn angels#michael spn#lucifer spn#on resurrection
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Damage Control - 3x14 Long Distance Call
“I’m scared, Sam. I’m really scared.”
Dean’s admission echoes in Sam’s aching head as they sit beside each other, on their respective motel beds, drinking beer and nursing their bruises, while the TV flickers ominously in the darkening room. Dean’s found an old horror movie that he must’ve watched so often he knows it by heart, mouthing some of the lines in sync with the characters, his swollen face lighting up in childlike joy at the outdated, involuntarily comical jump scares.
Sam could never get behind his brother’s enthusiasm for horror flicks. In his opinion, they’re dealing with enough horror in real life as it is. Why Dean would find relaxation - even joy - in watching people getting terrorized and torn apart by monsters, aliens or (worst of all) other humans is beyond him. Why he would fill what little downtime they have with even more fear and blood and pain is something Sam will never understand.
He also can’t get behind the sudden insouciance that Dean is showing, sitting rapt in front of the TV, their earlier conversation about Dean dying in three weeks seemingly forgotten. Very possibly, it’s just a front - a mask he’s put on to disguise the very emotions he admitted to only twenty minutes ago. Up to anyone’s guess whether he’s protecting himself or Sam by sliding back into the brave act he’s put on for months now. Pressed, Sam would guess the latter. In the end, it’s his modus operandi, and as much as Sam rebels against needing protection - he’s twenty-five now, for god’s sake - he believes that, by correlation, it’s what keeps Dean together. Taking care of Sam means he can’t fall apart. Not even three weeks from going to Hell.
Sam shudders.
“Ohhhh– that was nasty, wa’n’t it?” Dean grins at him, pointing at a slashed-up body on the TV screen, the insane killer silently walking out of the frame, machete dripping blood.
Sam shakes his head, albeit carefully, his brain still sloshy from getting knocked out earlier. How can Dean find gory murder amusing when he’s about to get ripped apart himself? He suppresses the ‘A little too close to home, don’t you think’ he’s got on the tip of his tongue.
Dean slaps Sam’s leg. “Oh come on, Sammy! Admit it - it’s funny!”
Sam doesn’t laugh. “Haha.”
“Wuss.”
A knock on their door pulls Sam out of his thoughts and Dean away from the screen.
“Papa John’s Pizza!” someone announces cheerlessly outside and knocks again, impatient. “Your order’s here!”
Rubbing his hands in anticipation, Dean gets up and, after checking through the window, he opens the door to a weary-looking twenty-something in a red-and-white uniform holding a family-sized pizza box out to him. Dean pays and tips him generously. That, too, is his modus operandi: they may be near-broke most of the time, but Dean never lets a person with a shit, low-paying job go without a tip. He’d rather not order at all. Sam can’t remember if that’s something Dad taught him, but he doesn’t think so.
Door shut and locked, Dean returns to his bed with the steaming box and opens it, his eyes already swinging back to the TV where the crazed machete murderer is stalking his next victim.
“He’s in for a surprise with that one,” he comments cheerfully before he maneuvers a slice of pizza out of the box and bites off, sauce dripping down his chin and onto the bed. Sam wants to say something about the sheets and using napkins, but he doesn’t have it in him. As much as he complains all the time about Dean’s messy eating, he knows he’s going to miss it when–
No. He’s not gonna go there.. They’ll find a way to save Dean. It’s not gonna-
“Dude! You’re not even looking!” Dean admonishes, chewing. “This is the best part! The Final Girl!”
There’s screaming on the screen, blood splattering all over the place, and the killer growls and snarls like some rabid dog. It sounds way too much like a Hell Hound. Sam swallows.
“Dude, you okay? Lord of the Flies leave you with a concussion after all?”
Dean’s eyes are on him now, giving him the full Winchester-X-ray scrutiny, pizza and movie momentarily forgotten.
While it’s true that the Crocotta knocked him out, Sam doesn’t think he has a concussion. His head hurts, and he’s a little dizzy, but he can see straight and he doesn’t feel like throwing up the two beers he just drank. No, the lump in his throat is nothing but dread, pushing up through the bravado he, too, has been putting on for Dean.
“D’you want a poem?” he’d joked earlier, to kill the tension and knock Dean out of his panic. It had worked. Humor sometimes was the only thing that worked when his older brother was spiraling. Humor or pure, physical force. And Dean needs him. No matter the show he’s putting on, Sam sees it in the taut line of his shoulders and hears it in his exaggerated laughter. Behind the pretend mirth, despair still glimmers in the green of his eyes.
For once, Sam’s got to be the one to lean on. He can’t waver now.
“I’m fine,” he says, waving at the TV. “Just that Pizza Face over there is not exactly making my mouth water.” More blood sprays on the screen as the triumphant Final Girl takes an ice pick to the killer’s ugly face. Sam pointedly wrinkles his nose. “Yuck.”
Mollified, Dean chuckles. “Lightweight.” He takes another hearty pizza bite and licks a string of cheese from his split lip. “Wait till you see what happens with the teacher in part two! Guy knows how to handle a chainsaw, I’m not kiddin’!”
“There’s a part two?” Sam asks, horrified. Why anyone would want to watch a sequel to this ludicrous garbage eludes him.
Dean grins devilishly, although it must be hurting his badly bruised cheek. “Yeah, and it’s on right after. A marathon, in fact. Parts one through four back-to-back.”
Sam has to keep himself from sagging in dismay, and he stops the agonized groan that wants to slip out of him. A whole night of battling insomnia and the monsters waiting for Dean in Hell with badly made-up, fictional monsters prowling over a scratched TV screen - it’s not his idea of conquering fear. But, apparently, it’s Dean’s, and if this is what his brother needs, if this is what helps him face the nightmare waiting ahead, Sam will be by his side. In this dismal motel room and in the three weeks to come.
“Alright then. Pass me a slice,” he says, gesturing at the pizza, to a crescendo of screaming coming from the TV. “And another beer.”
Dean’s grin widens, and if he’s still scared underneath the twinkle in his eyes and the bright flash of his teeth, it’s hard even for Sam to detect. “That’s my boy!”
He balances a slice from Sam’s veggie half of the pizza onto a napkin and hands it to him, followed by a fresh beer that he pops open with his ring.“Get comfortable, dude,” Dean instructs joyfully, rearranging the pillows between his back and the headboard. Then he lifts his beer bottle to toast to Sam. “It’s gonna be a looong night.”
Sam toasts back, a twinge in his chest. Twenty-one nights left. It’s time they start making them count.
The Damage Control Series Masterlist
Read the whole series on AO3 here:
#supernatural#spn#fan fiction#fanfic#3x14 long distance call#coda#mild hurt/comfort#emotional hurt/comfort#angst#dean winchester#sam winchester#jensen ackles#jared padalecki#horror movies cw
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(Below are some personal thoughts on Nightshade and queer representation. OG poster I have nothing against you and this is not an attempt to persuade you into liking Nightshade. Your feelings are valid and I understand where you are coming from.)
Nightshade is an icon to me in Season 1. I always joke about "fox news is not wrong that Nightshade is trans-ing people" - they are a key factor I started using nonbinary pronouns in real life. So sure, my opinion on them is biased - there might be too much insertion and projection involved and I'm looking at them through rose-colored glasses.
So let's start with facts instead:
"The character's very existence is unnecessary" is a very subjective statement. There is a thread on Twitter that asked "(Without saying its woke) What's your reason for disliking Earthspark?" While many pointed out that there are too many Terrans and only 2-3 of them are well developed / interesting, the 2-3 they listed are very diverse among the comments! The following are all direct quotes:
I never found most of the kids/terrans entertaining (except for Nightshade and Jawbreaker)
... only Nightshade and Hashtag are interesting, the rest have the personality of a piece of cardboard.
A few of the Terrans feel underdeveloped, Thrash and Hashtag feel like nothing characters compared to Twitch, Jawbreaker, and Nightshade.
the Terrans don’t really stand out from one another in terms of personalities except for maybe Hashtag and Twitch.
The other terrans that are not twitch and thrash are really boring and lame
All of these are valid statements. I'm not accusing the original poster to be mistaking a subjective feeling as a factual statement - they very well clarified that this is their own personal feelings and acknowledged that Nightshade is a popular character. I just want to use the opportunity to show how diverse people's feelings can be.
I also don't think Nightshade "solely exists to make a statement".
If so, people who didn't even hear their statement should be really confused what the character is even here for. We do have such a group of people - in the Japanese dub, Nightshade's nonbinary identity wasn't revealed until their conversation with Sam. I'm not Japanese so I can't say for sure, but there were a lot of Japanese fanart about them prior to "Home" being aired in Japan. It seems that they are well-liked.
Now my opinions:
Nightshade has a very tasteful introduction and implementation. I see the "came flying in to throw all sorts of people into a tizzy" as part of their personality - which I cherish. I also see the "forced, self righteous, and more than a little annoying at times" as part of their personality, which I cherish even more because it reminds me of many queer neurodivergent friends of mine.
But Nightshade doesn't just appeal to queer people. A friend of mine adores them for a very specific line they said, "You've just proven you don't really know me - because I was never lost!" She's a cishet Chinese woman who doesn't know much about US queer culture, but she remembers saying something similar to her parents.
But even if they really are just a tasteless boring character who exists for the sake of representation, I wouldn't say they shouldn't be there either. I would sure be angry - a year ago I was enraged by the portrayal of Lake Ripple (Elementals) because this nonbinary character really literally serves no purpose. It is frustrating when there's finally a nonbinary character on big screen yet they are just a soulless background cardboard. But most of Lake's cisgender relatives are also background cardboards, yet no one would say they shouldn't exist in the first place. Imagine if all it takes to make a character's mediocracy tolerable is to remove their minority identity - it's unfair.
Anyways I like Nightshade very much they are the second perfect transformer character imo ^ ^ It's a pity they got shafted in S2 and S3 but they will forever live rent free in my heart and I unironically love how you described them as "self righteous and more than a little annoying at times" and "came flying in to throw all sorts of people into a tizzy". These are the reasons I love them and I couldn't have put it any better.
I can never change your dislike for Nightshade. But have you considered that Nick basically reduced their role in the show because of all the controversy? It's harsh to think that they shouldn't be there. This show has studio interference written all over it.
Today is the die I become hated.
Le sigh.
I recognize that studios have their money hungry fingers all over everything, but that does not change what Nightshade, and other similar characters, represent. I think Nightshade's very existence is unnecessary. Even without the controversy, the character is just kind of there for no real reason other than making a statement. For me, Nightshade feels a great deal like the ridiculous arrogance of Elita-One in Transformers One.
Both characters are there to leave a message, one that could be good if done correctly. But due to its implementation, it comes off as forced, self righteous, and more than a little annoying at times. Elita was an attempt to represent girl power that went sideways by making her worse as a person. Nightshade was a studio's shot at reaching more diverse audiences that just came off as out of the blue and tasteless. Nightshade has very little purpose, even before people got upset, my point remains. Additionally, the character is largely there for diversity rather than actual functionality in the show.
For all I care, your character could be named Squishy von Veek and could go by screams of the damned as pronouns, so long as said character is USEFUL to the story and makes sense in the lore. Nightshade sadly does not check any of these boxes for me, at least not in initial implementation. There was no lore groundwork, no tasteful introduction. It just happened and Nightshade came flying in to throw all sorts of people into a tizzy.
I will admit though, the design and name for Nightshade rock.
#nightshade malto#earthspark discussion#thoughts on representation#and why it's okay for mediocre representation to exist#transformers earthspark#transformers#earthspark#why the second perfect? because transmutate exists#i'm very very biased#original poster i'm really sorry I just started ranting under your post
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it took weeks for jane to get over and recover from the strain it required closing the gate. sealing the demogorgan away was one thing, it knocked her out for at least an hour, and left her incredibly weak and frail. the only reason she was able to fight for herself and escape the upside down was the sheer adrenaline of it all. knowing mike was out there somewhere, knowing the bad men were after her. but in closing the gate, she knew, for the moment, that she would be able to find some peace in herself, that she wasn’t required for the time being. although i think the series itself seriously underestimated and downplayed the affect of closing the gate actually had on her (bc of their goddamn ‘one month later’ bullshit. like it works sometimes. but noT ALL THE TIME!! it’s getting real old now imo). jane was very woozy after the events, and hopper had to carry her out of the lab because she couldn’t walk. on the drive back home she fell into a very deep sleep that was rather concerning at first. not only was the power extreme and draining, but it was terrifying, too. she lifted off the ground, her sheer anger was enough to lock this great beast away; the mental capacity this took on her was also enough to lull into that deep sleep.
the following sixteen days after closing the gate, she mainly sleeps, only waking for a few minutes over scattered times, waking to find someone (usually hopper or owens) sitting at her bedside. it’s blurry and disorienting, and she’s not awake for more than three minutes at a time. her body temperature goes nuts over these days, from boiling hot to freezing cold, and hopper is constantly opening and closing the windows, taking her bed sheets on and off, to accomodate to her temperature best he can. she thrashes about in her sleep, though never wakes up from the horrible things plaguing her mind. a few times in her brief moments of consciousness, she also vomits, mainly liquid goo because she hasn’t been eating, and has nothing to throw up. the sick itself is extremely hot; assumed aftermath of the heat she endured when closing the gate. when she does come to properly, and finds some semblance of balance and familiarity, she is slow on her feet, luggy and dazed.
when she gathers some of her strength back, she spends another four days in bed, only getting up to go to the bathroom, and not allowed any visitors. eating gets her strength back up, but at first she can’t hold it down properly. she drinks a lot of water though, which gets her body working again, and she slowly but surely begins to function normally. those veins on her face took nine days to fade completely; there are also scattered veins up her arms, and on her hands. they begin in the centre of her palms, swirl around her fingers, and trail off in the front of her hands. they all fade in unison, and vanish after said nine days. however the veins on her left hand remain; they do fade, but for some reason never leave completely. jane often clenches that fist in and out, hating the marring lines, thinking it ugly and monstrous. it came from the upside down, and she feels like she’s stuck with a piece of it now. it is a process to get back to normal, but as we see by the time the snowball arrives, she’s back to some version of herself.
jane still dreams about closing the gate, the heat that burst in her belly, feeling her feet rise from the ground, feeling the blood pouring from her ears, the sweat on her face. all these feelings and more prickle at her skin sometimes, without warning, and can either vanish as quickly as they came, or linger without a timeframe. depending on the extremities, they can make her immobile, feeling like her body is seizing up, and she can’t move. it feels like her spine has been frozen, and her mind and body are completely disconnected from one another. it’s a scary, horrible feeling; feeling like she’s trapped in her own body. it does pass, and the longest it’s ever occurred was sixteen minutes. when she begins seeing cathleen (her therapist in season four), she is given ways to overcome when this occurs, mental and physical exercises to break free from the clasps of the upside down. this follows her way into adulthood though, never as bad when as a child, but still prominent. after she learns some ways to control it, it tends to occur just as she wakes up in the morning, waking to find her body betraying her. although being in bed, on her own, gives her time to work through it slowly, without feeling pressured or worried that anyone around her is scared for her. she doesn’t need to deal with prying (albeit caring) eyes, and can focus on herself.
#study.#long post /#duffer idiots were fooling themselves if they think that jane could close the gate easy peasy and not have any repercussions.#i swear when i first saw that ep i thought she was gonna die in that scene.#she was using so much of herself.#not just her POWERS.#HERSELF.#she gave everything she had.#that rot was breaking out.#it would physically and mentally stain her.#forever.#that experience was like none other and it’s not realistic to think she’d come out without a mark.#and due to her inconsistent and unstable body chemistry it makes recovering from this a hell of a lot harder.#she’s physically sick and still sweating.#for everyone else’s safety they keep out.#not sure if it could be contagious. not knowing what her sickness truly comes from. if it’s purely aftermath or something else.#although hopper wouldn’t leave her ofc.#thinking sam would also be there at some points.#because he becomes an important figure in jane's life in terms of him actually helping her have a life.#(s4 owen is NOT canon on this blog uh uh.)#and he might be able to actually help her. hook her up to fluids and transform her room in the cabin into a little makeshift hospital room.
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sometimes i remember the fact that sam literally never knew the voicemail from dean in s4 wasn’t real and i wanna scream a little bit
#and also#it doesn’t matter that dean never actually said it#the fact that sam did not question for a second if it was real#and 100% believed it’s something that dean would say#is something that i really really think they should have addressed at some point#if the narrative wasn’t so focused on proving dean ‘right’ and sam ‘wrong’ constantly#they would’ve made dean face the fact that he treated sam so horribly that sam believed dean would actually want to kill him#spn#sam winchester#dean winchester#s4
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i know a lot of people tend to define dani/ellie's "obsession" as the ocean to go with danny's space obsession but tbh i feel like as dani gets older she's going to do a lot to separate herself from her identity as danny's "clone" and become her own person
like, that's why i love that the fandom has adopted the "ellie" nickname so much for her. i so wish the show went on for longer with more competent writers or the comic could expand on this maybe but i think finding her own identity and voice would be such a powerful narrative. you're made for one thing but you don't wanna do that, so now what do you do?
(tbh that kind of identity exploration is probably too anit-christian for b*tch h*rtman so i'm glad he didn't get to touch it)
it's canon that dani goes off and travels the world, so why not have her obsession be traveling? she's got a huge case of wanderlust. she likes the outdoors, she likes hiking and camping and is a huge granola girl. like, i think that kinda just fits her a bit more, in my opinion. traveling/exploration.
#danny phantom#dani phantom#ellie phantom#ominous posts#i have a lot more ideas for an aged up everlasting trio too#like college ages#i think sam would dual major in polisci and environmental studies. activist queen#tucker would definitely be computer science but i can also see him being a theater or history kid#danny? i love the idea of him being the black sheep/artist of his family of scientists#but i think he would go for some sort of aerospace engineering obviously.#if he can't be an astronaut because of health reasons/the accident then at least he can help people get up there#though danny becoming NASA's social media manager would also be hilarious. Communications Major Danny?#that's my mass comm degree bias coming through haha#valerie ends up a part of their group at some point and she majors in physical health/exercise#college au? i guess??#cool egde au
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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if there was a torchwood/spn crossover, jack would get shot in the head so much. i know he already dies a lot, but he’s going to die so many times during this crossover. keeps getting bullets unloaded into him. they stab him with silver and steel and copper and none of it keeps him down. he’s gonna get squirted with borax and that one’s not gonna kill him but it is going to ruin his coat, which is materially worse for him.
#also gwen cooper would wrestle dean to the ground and beat him half to death#ianto is going to get himself possessed. im not saying he doesn’t take every precaution he knows how to against it. im saying he does and it#doesnt work <3#i think sam and tosh could be friends :) (<- actually means they’re just both stuck in ‘make this conversation go as smoothly as i can by#masking so fucking hard. so that i can leave sooner’ mode.)#and i think owen would kiss dean on the mouth because it would make him so uncomfortable and owen can and will use his ability to be an#asshole without regret for the good of the team. especially if this moment is directly a result of like. Dean hitting on Tosh while she’s#clearly not into it. Owen is going to kiss that man at the risk of getting shot just like jack has 17 times in a row just so that he’ll#fuck off and leave tosh alone. and this will work because dean winchester will immediately malfunction upon being kissed by a man because#now he doesn’t know whether to direct his homophobic impulses at owen (<- unaffected by anything he could say.) or himself (<- guy who#believes being gay works like cooties.)#and in the background you can see jack sort of gently put his hand over toshiko’s and she releases a pen she was holding onto very tightly#and this is the part where you realize Oh She Was Going To Stab Dean In The Knee With That If He Didn’t Stop.#i also think Jack should get to kiss Crowley. i think they’d both be into it and it’d be funny. i think they should reference that they’ve#been off-and-on lovers for years actually. (gwen: you’ve been sleeping??? with the king of hell???? || Jack: see i don’t know why this is#surprising to you.) (ianto has been standing there with his mouth slightly open for a full minute. long enough for crowley to comment on it#and for owen to jokingly try to shut it for him. (cue short impromptu slap fight as ianto bats his hands away and then owen gets too into#defending the honor of his poor slapped away hands.) but anyway. <3 ianto you’re into guys you really need to come to terms with this at#some point sir. jack is *not* your exception this is an all day job.)
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We're lucky we had Dad. 1.14 'Nightmare' | 8.18 'Freaks and Geeks'
#spnedit#corespnedit#samdeanedit#samedit#deanedit#*#*sdc#i feel like both these moments can seem antithetical to the core of their personalities#but they're really not#dean does tell sam at some point that sam and john 'were practically the same person'#and this doubt dean had about his father was there all along even though he would have denied it throughout the earlier seasons#like that resentment about being left behind#and sam's shift from 'hunting sucks bye' to 'actually...' happens quite early on in the show#and throughout the rest (that s8 retirement mishap nonwithstanding) sam usually stands by the fact that hunting is all there is for him#whereas dean shows resentment towards the way he was raised even though he does resign himself to the lifestyle#i am in particular thinking about that scene with mary where shes like 'he was a good dad' and dean is like 'yeah...'#(if i'm not mistaken; almost everything post season 8 is second hand knowledge for me)#(also as far as characterization goes i tend to take everything post-s5 with a grain of salt)#idk just some thoughts#family is hell#my father was an obsessed bastard#you two were practically the same person#i always feel a bit ridiculous sharing my thoughts because its been 17 years and everything that can be said probably HAS been said already#but this is just me rediscovering My Show under a new light and it's fun :)#why do i have to be some kind of hero
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Do you ever read a post where someone is explaining a pokitical thing and from the way they're saying you know with absolute certainty 1) they got their info from a tumblr post and have never actually followed up on how feasible that information actually is to act upon (they may not even have checked if it was CORRECT, but when they do they have clearly not looked into how easy or hard it may be to follow those instructions with a positive outcome), and 2) you know WHICH tumblr post they're quoting because it is basically a copy/paste of it, and 3) it was YOUR goddamn post and the thing they are saying is entirely counter to the point you were making when you said it to the point that you genuinely wonder if they just like. Memory-holed the entire context once they saw that one itty bitty point.
It's like the motherfuckiny dating apps all over again. I do not want people to love my words if they are not actually willing to do the work of understanding them! Didn't your kindergarten ever make you play Telephone to teach you how heresay falls out????
#sometimes i feel like a prized 12 point buck and everyone is desperate to give chase so they can skin me and wear my pelt in memorium#the luxury of being seen is rarely extended to those we perceive as confident/constant in their sense of self#the path of being a child who was constantly told i was making people uncomfortable and alienating my peers#only to immediately become an adult who everyone perceives as so together that they are just Like That With Everyonr#brennan said something like this in the disection of a recent misfits and magic episode about sam (character)#and how he (as evan) realized that the charm and specialness she gifts to everyone around her means that no one ever really gifts it back#and how that fundamentally felt transcendent and revelatory for evan as a turning point idea#he'd spent so long never trusting others feelings of care for him that he couldn't see how he was bulldozing right into and over sam's own#insecurities about whether or not she is worth loving or is special in the same way#and then they had some back and forth about like#sometimes when you develop the skill of relateability and pacification#you disappear so deeply into it that no one notices you're gone - even you yourself - until it's too late#it put to words a lot of the like#gap. that i've always felt between me and others. this insistance on elevating or pathologizing me depending on where they feel the need#to be in relation to me#while having absolutely zero awareness of my actual positioning in relation to them#i have found that they way i interact with others seems to give the impression that because i am being 'genuine' and 'open' about myself#that ALSO means that I am sharing the whole of me.#and when i talk about destigmatization and shame and people work really hard to be like. aware of the edges of me to carch me embarrassed#like if they can prove that i don't 'admit' something it's because i'm ashamed as opposed to considering that maybe they don't have the kind#of relationship with me that would warrant the sharing of it#because i'm willing to talk i am no longer allowed privacy or it's treated as incongruous#but like. i am different people for different people and they are all authentically me but they are also about faciliting the version#of the other person that matters to me to be able to spend time with. i'm not going to bring the parts of me that put you in a bad mood#or aren't comfortable/safe for you. also probably not going to put those things out into the open world as a mixed company conversation#i don't know where I'm going or where I came from here but i think the point is just that I think there's melancholy in seeing when#you also don't know a reliable way to be seen in turn
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this is like a bit wild but I got my first cc audio (as a sad little high school student stuck in australia and wasn’t sure she’d ever see the show) in late 2016 when I was also coincidentally first getting super into hamilton and I would listen to them both so frequently and often right after eachother that they are. intrinsically linked in my mind. had to put that out there. whenever I deeply miss scorbus and want to feel the 2016/17 euphoria of it all I listen to hamilton. this is my deepest confession to date
#I listen to satisfied and I think about scorbus#not because I relate that song to them#but because I would listen to audio of Sam and anto doing the library scene and then call it a day and listen to hamilton#also it’s so specifically linked to Sam and anto scorbus#I have so much nostalgia for them even though I never saw them and idk how much I’d like them compared to other scorbus pairs I did actuall#end up seeing#also so crazy to think o was going through all that and checking the ticket site daily#(and it was like. SOLD OUT at that point)#and just begging the universe to let me see it some day#anyway have had a glass of wine and here we are#Hamilton and cc crossover as it as always existed in my mine
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😒😒😒😒 i understand all of the bitter samgirls...
#sam *does* have a lot of great storylines in the later seasons???#idk what you wanna define as late seasons but s6 onwards had a LOT of great sam moments#soulless? hallucifer???? trials???? gadreel??? maybe he has to go back to the cage??? dying and being brought back by lucifer in apocalypse#like wtf did dean and cas do in season 8?? i dont fucking remember#also i think the people who criticise jared for how he acted in the bloopers are stupid.#the spn bloopers were insanely popular#to the point i saw more of the bloopers than clips of the show before i watched it#the bloopers were a part of the job!!!!!#goofing so they had stuff for them was probably required#and if jared was such a nightmare on set then why didnt they cut down on how much jared was shooting??#im pretty sure j2 asked to film less for the later seasons and they said no??? correct me if im wrong#also jared is a good actor?? im not really sure why so many people seem convinced that hes the weakest member of the cast#cuz misha and jensens rough moments are so much rougher to me#have you ever seen my bloody valentine??? girllllll jensen is not good in that movie <3 but god bless him for trying#and all of the dean and jacks storylines were copies of sams why would they have him do that twice?#i sound very bitter but i just dont think theres a big conspiracy#sam had tons of huge moments in the later seasons and dean did a few big arcs cuz sam already did some(and they were better) its that simpl
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