#thinking on it. the only light novel series i was able to finish was

[kitsquared]

In a big nostalgia run again

What if i try to reread the durara.ra light novel series again?

.. jk this one is actually hard ive been saying this one for years but it's hard to get back into that plot and 100 characters to remember

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

When I wrote about this part during the book club, I talked about how this romance made me feel hopeful and brought me so much joy. And watching this part of the series, I had the advantage of knowing how it all ends, and yet, the way this romance is built, it's almost as if I was expecting a different ending. Cause I felt the same sense of joy watching these two people come together, and I'm sure a small part of my brain was hanging on to the idea that it would be different this time. As if somehow this Young and this Gyu-ho were completely different people and so their story would have a different ending. Foolish, I know, but it's a testament to this show, that I got to be so enamoured with this romance knowing the pain that would follow.

I remember being a wreck when I finished this part of the novel. I felt Young was being so much more honest about himself that he had ever been in previous chapters. But this time I was overwhelmed. The reason of course being, Gyu-ho. There he was. A full person. Not just a recollection of moments told to us by Young, in his words. I could see his smile, the way he looked at Young, the way he slept, the way he brought so much light into Young's life, the way he tried just so damn hard to break through the wall Young had built around himself.

And for a while, he found a way in. Young allowed himself to be open, to be vulnerable with this person. Showing him parts of himself he didn't allow others to see. And what a beautifully normal romance this was. And we were allowed to see all parts too.

I have no doubt Young loved Gyu-ho fully. And if only he loved himself a small fraction of that, anything would've been possible. He doesn't believe he deserves this kind of happiness, and wouldn't even think of fighting for it. 'I'd been too greedy' - Young says when he realizes he won't be able to go to China because of Kylie. Like a sign from the universe, saying, that's enough. As if he'd been living in some alternate reality where he was allowed a small moment of happiness but now reality comes crashing in. And he simply sighs. Like it was somehow expected. So he doesn't fight it. He simply accepts it and does what he needs to do. Don't get me wrong. I'm not condemning him. Nor am I judging the way he chose to handle all of this. I understand it all. But, I wish he was kinder to himself. I wish he could see himself through Gyu-ho's eyes just for a second. And maybe believe that they could find a way.

[staytinyville]

OUTLAW (47)

ATEEZ poly!ot8 x Reader

Cowboy AU / Wild West

Series Masterlist

Warning: none

A/N NOT BETA READ. We have only two more chapters left of this arc! After that I might be taking a break for a bit. Not only to focus on some original novels I have planned but to also have a few chapters ready for you all to read. Cause this having to write chapters the day of updating--hate it lol.

It was a quick affair for when someone had come in to take away Hendricks. He struggled for a moment but after Wooyoung got annoyed with the man’s shouting and fighting, he was quick to shove a rag into the man’s mouth. Seeing as he was cuffed, Hendricks was only able to huff and puff into the fabric. 

When you turned back around to face Klein you watched as he was looking over the papers once more. He had a somber look on his face, one of regret as he sighed at each word that seemed to process into his head. 

“I'd like to thank you for bringing this to my attention.” Klein said, not meeting any of your eyes. 

“You don't seem like it.” Hongjoong raised his brows, crossing his arms as he stood in front of the man. 

“You're still criminals in the eyes of the public.” Klein finally looked up, sighing to himself as his eyes skimmed over all nine of you. 

“We understand.” You spoke up. “You're a respectable man who has a city to protect.”

You watched as Klein suddenly thought about the entire town, going back to clenching his jaw as he began to think lowly of himself. It was a tough job to take on, especially for a town that was the second most populated. You were never going to be able to make everyone happy, but you were able to make the world a better place. At least in your own image.

Your family had always supported Klein–a vast majority of the town did–so he must have felt a heavy pressure on his shoulders knowing that he was close to putting all of them in danger. There aren't many people you are able to trust when it comes to positions in office, especially not with times growing more and more. People were getting greedy as things began to change, which led to problems. But that shouldn’t stop the few who were trying to keep things at peace from doing what they must. 

While Klein had the right intentions–wanting to see Cromer grow into a modern city–he didn’t realize he would fall into a pit of snakes. Human era was inevitable. You were just glad to have stopped everything before it got too far. 

“Will you leave soon?” Klein asked. 

“We have a mission to finish.” Yunho explained. “This was only a side quest.” He chuckled.

Klein huffed a little laugh, pressing his lips together. “This drug.” He asked, tapping on the papers and envelopes. “What happens if it gets out?”

“The world falls.” Seonghwa answered. “It becomes baron of the joys we see everyday.”

“We've seen what it could do.” Jongho called from the back of the group. “It's not something this world should suffer from.”

“Why hasn't Aurora done anything then?” Klein shook his head, not understanding the whole thing. 

“They don't have evidence to prove corruption yet.” Hongjoong told the mayor. “That's what we've been trying to do for the past couple of years.”

The man took a moment to gather his thoughts before moving to grab the things from his desk. “Here.” Klein began to gather all the papers between Quaid and Hendricks, handing them over to you. “Take these then.” He told you.

“What about Quaid?” Mingi asked.

“I've already sent people after him.” Klein answered the boy. “We'll take care of him here in Cromer seeing as it's my jurisdiction.” He turned to look at you, giving you a thankful bow of his head. “Should anything else come to light though, I'll be sure to send word to you.”

“Thank you, Mayor Klein.” You smiled in thanks. 

You watched as he suddenly clapped his hands, rubbing them together. He gave you all a raise of his brow, pursing his lips. “You've all committed crimes that should be punishable but it seems to me you're all hard to catch.”

All of you suddenly looked at him oddly, frowning a bit at his words. You were a bit worried that Klein would somehow punish the boys for all they had done, but as you registered the rest of his sentence you concluded that wasn’t going to be the case. 

“You're letting us go?” You said, being the first to realize what it was he meant. 

“If what you say is true about this drug, then it seems we have a common enemy.” Klein nodded to himself. “I have a city full of people to keep safe. It's what I signed up for as mayor of Cromer.” He took a breath, coming to a stand. “I'll tell the city it wasn't you who stole the money.”

“Tell them you had money left over.” Hongjoong suggested. “You'll be seen as the hero again.”

“As much as one would love to take credit for that, I could not.” Klein shook his head. “I was going to send that money somewhere terrible. I could never live with myself had you not taken it.”

Your shoulders dropped at the man’s convention. He was right in thinking a majority of people would have loved to take the glory and credit for saving the town, but Klein wasn’t a majority of people. He was someone selfless who took care of others first. It was something each of the boys were quick to realize after speaking with him more. 

At least by what you could tell from the looks on their faces. 

“What will you say then?” Wooyoung asked. 

“The truth.” Klein spoke up, smiling as he thought it over. “ATEEZ were the ones who took the money.” He smiled, watching as the boys all gave him skeptical looks. 

“They have never seen your faces.” The mayor added. “I don’t believe they will suspect 8 handsome, young men who work for one of Cromer’s hotels. Unless you have warranted for people to think that.” Klein joked. 

The boys all looked at each other for a moment, humming in thought as they pondered on what they had all done so far in your town. “They haven’t.” You answered for them, sending them looks that called for them to behave. 

You turned back to Klein, bowing your head and giving him a smile. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Klein nodded his head, giving you a kind smile as well. 

Just as the boys all turned one by one to leave the office, you suddenly gasped, stopping to turn back around. “One more thing!” You called back.

“Yes?” Klein answered. 

“My father.” You began. “He's kind of in jail at the moment.”

Klein laughed, nodding in understandment. “I'll have him released, don't worry.”

“Thank you, Mayor.” You bowed one more time, turning to Hongjoong who waited closer to you.

“Be careful on your mission.” Klein called out before you all left the door. “It doesn't seem easy.” He added. 

You watched as the boys gave each other knowing looks again, Hongjoong sighing as he bowed his head. “It never is.”

Series Masterlist

@thefrog3223 , @iarayara , @0rangemilk , @explorewithd , @detectivedoodle , @bangtanxberm , @a1i33a , @loveforred , @drunken-deitence , @0325tiny , @the-ghostest-with-the-mostest , @atinyreads , @atinytinaa , @lexiigom , @smilingtokki , @mismatchfluffysocks , @brain-empty-only-draken , @sousydive , @alex-tinyy , @h3arteyes4mingi , @onedumbho3 , @popcatx0 , @blue1amory , @mommahwa1117 , @sunnyhokyu , @cloudieclair , @puppyminnnie

[pinehutch]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

Thank you for tagging me!

I should be honest: I am not much of a fic writer. This isn't self-effacing; I've been reading fic since the early aughts but only have 10 works on ao3. One of them is a poem. One of them is a few hundred words of something I've never finished.

That said, fic is important to me for a lot of reasons, but one is that in 2016 I started following a tumblr for a Dragon Age fic exchange, and in 2017 I wrote the first fiction I'd written in almost 20 years. I had been struggling to write poetry for about 10 years before that, too, and fic writing was part of my path back to writing at all.

This isn't to say that I think fanfic is valueless unless it results in 'original' writing; every story happens in context, and we all know how the lines between fanwork and original work blur, both in fan spaces and in commercial ones. But my particular, personal fondness for fic is because it gave me a path back to the first best thing of my life, which was language, and what we do with it.

With that said, my personal top five (links in titles):

Fundamental Forces (or, Root Causes)

Literally my first fic. This was when I remembered that writing can be fun. It's Dragon Age fic, femHawke/Varric. It's also written with a focus on Hawke's POV, a thing I think I pulled off quite well and have never attempted again. It's very silly. It features a 40-year-old and a 35-year-old being profoundly bad at emotional honesty. I riff on turnips for a while. It has a happy ending, which should surprise no one.

She breathed in through her nose and her eyes fluttered shut. “Kiss me, you idiot. Before they think I’m horrified.” Their first kiss. Quick and mostly chaste and part of a joke. She thought it was fitting.

Chapter Last

This is also T-rated Hawke/Varric, written for the same exchange, a year later. It's about near-misses, and trying again, and not being able to pick up where you left off, and it's stumbling back onto the path later, unexpectedly, and after having found another way. It is about stories, and why we do them.

It's fic of the games, of course, but in a way it's also fic-of-fic: there's a novella that's both a tie-in novel and a diegetic book in the Dragon Age setting, and it was printed irl the summer before I wrote this fic.

What I'm proud of, with this story, is character voice. Whenever I share any Varric-voice writing, even years later, people always say very generous things. Varric's also a writer, canonically, and I had fun mimicking 'his' style in passages of this, and trying to keep in mind how his writing and his inner narration would align and diverge. (Lots of Dragon Age fans are understandably thirsty about Varric; I think I've always found him relatable, in many ways, and it didn't occur to me to thirst. But I love him.)

I don't love the structure; I chaptered this, and way more than I needed to. I'd love to rewrite it, someday, but I also think it's good for me to sit with the awareness of its imperfections and the knowledge that people have loved it anyway.

Afterimage (there are two colours)

The Magnus Archives fic, E-rated. Basira/Daisy. This was meant to be a single installment in a series - I think I have a 20,000 word 'outline' in my gdocs, still, but I'm unlikely to ever finish it. The point of this story is self-indulgent, purple-prose, dreamy smut. Wanting the thing and having it, but not keeping it.

This was baby's first E-rated fic ever written. I have no explanation for this, either.

Transformative Work

Written for the 2022 OFMD Big Bang with @mia-ugly. Mostly Frenchie/Jim, a bit Jim/Oluwande, a bit Frenchie/Oluwande, a light sprinkling of polycule potential.

Transformative Work is my favourite thing I've posted to ao3 for three reasons.

It's 40k! I never finish longer works, so 40k is a big deal to me.

I think it's actually brilliant. Clever as hell, at minimum. But mostly brilliant.

It's collaborative!

Writing has always been a solitary thing for me; one of the things I love about Mia is how we can get on a wavelength about a story. (This is mostly a them trick: they're an excellent collaborator and instigator, in general.) I wasn't at my best when we were writing this, dealing with undiagnosed health issues and workplace burnout and an accumulation of grief, but it was beautiful and joyful work, in the end.

Also, I think it is almost exactly what we wanted it to be, and that is such a high.

Number 5 is a bit of a cop-out but still:

Remember when I said "we all know how the lines between fanwork and original work blur"? This is a poem I started writing when Succession 4.3, "Connor's Wedding" aired. I was in a worst spot than I had been the previous year, health-wise, grief-wise.

The title of this poem, "My Father's Dead and I Feel Old," comes out of Connor Roy's mouth in the episode. I had to pause the episode and just get pummeled by that perfect, simple line of iambs. I was a wreck, just generally. Yeah, man, my father is dead and I do feel old! That sort of thing. (The aforementioned health issue? Still not identified or addressed when this aired in spring 2023, btw. My brain was not braining well.)

But there were words for it. I was off work on medical leave at the time. I had just made the transition from crying like it was a full-time job to sleeping like it was a full-time job. The sleep wasn't helping. The crying hadn't helped, either. It wasn't something people could help. But words, and what we do with them - that helped.

Anyway, I'm actually quite proud of this poem, both as an original piece of poetry and as fanwork. It's not on ao3 for reasons including 'I haven't gotten around to it' and 'I don't know if this is sufficiently transformative, by the invisible guidelines I've just set for myself.'

Thank you for sending this to me, it was a lovely thing to think about on my Friday eve! <3

[andbrokenmemories]

full murderbot thoughts post

Alright! Finished with Book 7 of Murderbot, System Collapse, and collected my thoughts on the series.

Maybe one day I'll do one last round-up to read novellas and maybe write a Properly Structured Review Innit, so for now this is gonna be the messy notes version of this. Let me give a paragraph or two of review-y thoughts, here, though. Set the stage and all.

So: I liked them a lot! I wouldn't ever say I struggle with sci-fi, but I think in practice I struggle with sci-fi. For other genrefic novels, tropes i Enjoy the Consumption of can usually keep my interest alive long enough; like, Black Sun and Fevered Star didn't light me on fire, but there was a lot of dynamics and play within the space that I could consistently enjoy and keep. Chewing down the line on. real strawberry lace fiction. real gummy worm fiction

Sci-Fi usually struggles more with that, I guess. Or, rather, I don't enjoy genrefic sci-fi for sci-fi's sake? There is, i think, a needle to thread of Good Spec-fic, of "oooh literature on a Weird Way of Existing". that style can keep me hooked, and Murderbot Diaries manages that with all the intricacies of the SecUnit experience. and also you can just have a lot to say! and murderbot has a lot to say! overall 8.5 out of 10. book 1 is a 9 out of 10 (yippeee strained relations distrust etc); book 2 is an 8.5 out of 10 (ART good); book 3 is a 7 out of 10 (i dont really remember those people); book 4 is an 8 out of 10, book 5 is an 8.5 out of 10 but i think it'd be a bunch higher if i didnt find the middle a bit bloated; book 6 is a 7.5/10, book 7 is an 8/10. loose thoughts from my journal from here on. spoilers for the whole series begin in earnest.

I like murderbot diaries the most when its reasonably omniscient, dynamic feeling, with a bunch of pieces moving around; and when those pieces are the psychology of murderbot as it navigates shit. i popped the fuck off when at the start of the long one [that's Network Effect] we got an interlude of murderbot interacting with mensa and her family and Caring and augh. ouagh.

WE HJAVE TO PUT ON THE BEST DAMN TALENT SHOW THI S COLONY HAS EVER SEEN!!!! [this was right when i got to the documentary part of the last book lol]

what if the other sec units went stereotypical serial killer robot and murdered all their handlers. like yes i get an argument against that that goes down the line of “and then we wont be able to extract from the situation and everyone gets killed in retribution” but, also, i feel like early in this series there was a lot of text talking about how sec units don't actually. think like that. in real life. I dont know, maybe i havent adjusted to a Thematic Choice where actually that was unreliable narration, but i find my brain getting caught up on that every time. like comparing how murderbot talks about how sec units think early in the series to later on. bwah.

anyway [in regards to the end of Exit Strategy] something very unique but kind of hash tag relatable about an extended sequence of a character reconstructing their memories from base principles, all sortakinda drunk. seeing all those cute and Telling and I See How It Is moments, which i derived a lot of value from, really fun capper to a book. good times. and then they hit 100% and the microwave goes Ding and they sit right up in bed and go Damn. That was stupid. I'm leaving.

when the panopticon surrounds you on every level and you have a lot of time to think on your self and your connection to your self and gain access to every system that makes you up and makes you you and all you can manage to acheive with it is the recreation of the panopticon within the self. and being without the panopticon is uncomfortable and foreign and strange. when the character does not allow the narrative to woobify them. 😍

ships you can talk to (who talk back only in concepts) are a gender by the way. that first scene [at the end of All Systems Red] of Murderbot working out its take on the all of it to a ship who can't really talk back, and was more or less the default “easily Manipulated bot pilot” that we just kind of sidestep each time going forwards, but like. was also the Same Thing as Mbot in not having anyone to really talk this out with. we are both on the same level. we, two, have not been taught to sell our class, our people out to the humans; we can be Niceys to one another. you can seek that out and find it. there are glimmers and moments like that throughout the whole series going forwards. which kind of makes hanging out with the humies boring unless they're one of the like 3-4 that i feel have an Interesting Social Dynamic with murderbot

following on from that, i immediately started visualising ARTs feed-self as a Kirby Endboss mass of glowing, dazzling, flowing dials/lenses/clocks towering over everyone else. with speech bubbles violently louder than everyone elses. Like that was how my brain went “how would the graphic novel get this Concept of ‘I could squish you like a bug with one instant of thought you are nothing to me you little it/its freak’ across". and its good. its good

[in regards to Network Effect, and trying to sum up my whole feelings on 2.0]: Whoops! Your clone headmate you made underbaked on purpose came out with ADHD and joié de vivre and is kicking its feet up and down in its partition watching comfort media while you go through the shit that made the Expanse expand. that made the signal is. that made the Space [face/off-style pause] Dead

So, what're my big takeaways with the whole series? Everyone trying to Do Therapyspeak on Murderbot and it usually Not Working is nice. There is something wrong with you, and that's not like a puzzle to be unraveled, but the perspective the text then takes on everything else. this world isn't, like, Fascinating and realized with any special flair, but you get to have moments where Murderbot exposits how fucked shit is to other people, or judges a situation it's bitter about as people around it get Fucked Over, and it's just like. It's a fun level of fucked up, in a way, sure, but it's also those moments of like. Ah. Murderbot does not set out to be protagonist-ly about this world, to be deeply critical, to wikia-mode about it all. Only to be constantly drawn to such anyway, to being Bitter and having to exposit to make certain points land because it needs certain points to land because. shrugs, gestures. The World. All of it. but then we go back to like “Hey do you think you have trauma maybe?” “FUCK you” and it's consistent and that's all chewy in a way I find nice. It's nice. We're having a niceys time. smile emoji

[violethowler]

My Thoughts On Light Bringer (Spoilers)

The wait for Light Bringer has been so long that I as soon as I learned that my physical copy wouldn’t be getting delivered until after release day, I immediately went and pre-ordered the ebook version so I could start as soon as it became available. I started reading around midnight my time and I literally only got three hours of sleep before I finished the book. And holy bloodydamn shit was it worth waiting all these years for.

The title of this novel felt incredibly fitting not simply as a reference to any one character, but because after the chaos and death and violence of Dark Age, this book was a ray of light and hope, validating what I said back when Dark Age came out and filling me with such optimism and excitement for what comes next. Even after Cassius’ death, I cried tears of joy when I finished reading the book because with everything in the world being on fire – from the rise in censorship and anti-LGBTQ laws in the US to the various crises caused by climate change, to the ongoing labor issues like the writers’ and actors’ strikes – this book reminded me how to have hope for the future and to recognize that with enough time and enough people fighting back, things can get better. To appreciate the smaller, less-publicized steps forward when I’m feeling overwhelmed by all the big headlines making all the bad things seem worse.

And on top of all that, it was just straight up fun. I love Dark Age and Iron Gold, and their seriousness is important to their themes. But one of the things that I loved about the original trilogy was the capacity of its writing to spark joy and put a smile on my face. Long have I missed a new action sequence that made me cackle like mad as I realized that the tables had turned on the villains, like the escape from Venus or Darrow’s emergence from the leviathan did. Or the powerful, raw moments like Deanna’s pre-battle benediction in Lykos. Or the quiet moments like Lyria and Cassius bonding, or Darrow and Sevro’s gradual reconciliation. These are just some of the many ways that Light Bringer feels like a return to the series’ roots.

The journey Darrow went on felt perfectly timed for the series, and every character grew phenomenally in this book. Some in positive ways, like Diomedes and Lyria. And others in negative ways, like a certain hypocritical, genocidal, fascist wannabe dictator.

Despite my burning desire for Lysander’s enrollment in the Head-In-A-Box club, his POV was masterfully written, allowing us a deeper glimpse into the inner workings of the Society Remnant that we didn’t properly get in previous books, while at the same time showing us at every turn that he is ultimately no different than Atlas and Atalantia. Given Cicero’s reaction to the burning of Demeter’s Garter, I feel like it’s only a matter of time before many of his allies realize that and turn on him.

And speaking of turning, I feel so vindicated that the alliance between the Rim Dominion and the Society Remnant ultimately shattered by the end of the book. But while I didn’t anticipate how it happened, I think it’s better that it happened this way. Firstly, Lysander is the whole reason the alliance exists, so it feels poetic that he’s the one who destroyed it. Secondly, it gives closure to the conflict between Darrow and the Rim over his actions in Morning Star, and that is so much more satisfying than my prediction of the Society being mad at them for Cassius being alive.

I’m similarly impressed with how the Obsidian storyline was handled, and how Lyria’s connection with Volga played into that. In hindsight, the storyline of getting the Obsidians turned away from Volsung Fa was the one plot set up in Dark Age that I could never really think of any theories of how it could be pulled off like I could for things like Sevro’s rescue or the breaking of the Rim-Core alliance. But Lyria being able to use her connections to get to Volga and make the first crack in her armor after Volsung Fa spent eight months manipulating her into following his rhetoric was a sight to behold, and I cannot imagine any other way it could or should have played out. It feels so incredibly fitting that if I hadn’t known Pierce had scrapped his first draft of the book, I would’ve assumed that scenario was planned from the beginning.

Which is really a testament to Pierce’s writing that even if I didn’t always like the choices made in this book (i.e. the lack of Virginia chapters compared to the POVs, the clone plot on Luna being left hanging, etc.), the choices still made sense to me and fit perfectly with the story that Pierce is trying to tell.

After almost 4 years of waiting, Light Bringer defied my expectations in the best way, and I’m even more excited than ever to see Pierce bring it all home in Red God.

[autolabrum]

Finished second read of Claw of the Conciliator. Spoilers abound below.

Read in the compilation volume shadow & claw published for Tor Essentials. Second read of the novel; made use of Michael Andre-Driussi's chapter guide for the series.

In terms of quality of writing and exploration of thematics, it does feel to me that this is a big step up from the first novel, and Wolfe takes some big swings (a couple of which don't work out, though most do). The primary tension I observed here is between the short view, where we see a plethora of individuals that feel differingly fossilized in their particular times, and the long view, where Severian's occasional broader teleological perspective must lead him eventually to instigating broad and destructive change.

Much of the contents of the novel explores a variety of relations between individuals and their finite relationship to time. The creatures of the cave are unable either to understand or to escape their physical predicament, and who Severian positions temporally and evolutionarily (this episode inherits both the good and the bad from its clearly Lovecraftian inspirations). Vodalus and his retinue are obsessed with the past, to the point of ritualizing their cannibalism so as to gain access to something and someone that has been destroyed. This grasping attempt to remove themselves from their temporal predicament, and the ways in which Vodalus fails to do so, is the source of the first of two uses of a relevant refrain: "That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin" (Chapter I), emphasizing the petrification of the individual relative to the much broader time scales to which the narrative gestures. That Severian is able to seemingly carry out a much more successful transfer of memories than any of Vodalus' retinue makes clear that he has some amount of access to time unavailable to others (this is in alignment with his perfect memory giving him perfect access to the past). Even the Cumaean is restricted to only exploring the time in which her life will elapse (notably contrasted with not only the alien being she communes with but the undine, creating a resonance between this finite/infinite divide and the terrestrial/celestial divide).

Jonas is likely the most potent example of this, in that he is an individual who has been dramatically removed from the time in which he should be fossilized. It is this shock (admittedly along with his injuries) of both the familiar yet corrupted name and the bastardized story of Theseus that leads to his mental degradation; he cannot continue to exist in this version of the universe. Like the light in Father Inire's mirrors, he has sped too far ahead, and can only slow down and exit the narrative, in fact through those same mirrors. He is even memorialized (I think) in the play as the character of the statue, who loses a love and is condemned to his loss: "Thus stone images keep faith with a departed day, Alone in the desert when man has fled away" (Chapter XXIV). Jonas reminds us, as the brown book quotes from Francis Bacon (as identified by Andre-Driussi), that "These times are the ancient times, when the world is ancient" (Chapter XXVIII).

There are several points at which Severian begins to grasp at a solution to this petrification within time. Early in the novel, before consuming Thecla's flesh, Severian begins to philosophize on his own death: "I saw how little it weighed on the scale of things whether I lived or died, though my life was precious to me. And of those two thoughts I forged a mood by which I stood ready to grasp each smallest chance to live, yet in which I cared not too much whether I saved myself or not" (Chapter IX). This double mood, created essentially out of a cognitive dissonance, strives to reconcile the finite with the infinite (note here that Severian is a Christ-like figure, who references an incarnated and finite version of the infinitude of God). Dorcas' understanding of the Conciliator accords with this attitude, who "once took a dying woman by the hand and a star by the other, and from that time forward he had the power to reconcile the universe with humanity, and humanity with the universe" (XXVI).

Jolenta, though her rape intersects these themes with Severian's misogyny in a manner that is clumsy at best (see post here), does offer a perspective on his beginnings towards succeeding in this manner. As she begins to die, he begins to feel some amount of legitimate compassion for her (an off-putting but important process), until at her death he repeats the refrain he had said of Vodalus at the beginning of the novel: "[Jolenta's body] had been washed clean of beauty. In the final reckoning there is only love, only that divinity. That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin" (Chapter XXXI). Although it has taken the removal of the illusory beauty that sparked Severian's misogynistic rage towards Jolenta, he does seem to experience some real level of empathy, and to feel (perhaps for the first time towards another) the extreme weight of the finitude of life. He has, through the claw and through his own hatred, failed Jolenta, and now her life is concluded, extant within time and immutable. I am entering the terrain of the series that I really don't remember very well, but I hope that this perspective improves his attitude in the coming novels.

[tryslora]

What I'm Reading Wednesday...

On the Duck Prints Press reading server, it’s What I’m Reading Wednesday where we all share what we finished in the last week, what we are currently reading, and what we think of these books.

I figured hey, why not bring that to the rest of the world for myself. Because I love yelling about my current reads. And I’ve always got several things in motion at one time, between physical, audio, and ebooks, plus things I’m reading for specific reasons.

Here’s the summary from the last week in visual format (the actual discussion is behind the read-more):

Fiction

I am currently reading Many Drops Make a Stream by Adrian Harley (from Duck Prints Press). There are so many things to love in this book. The world building packs so much into such a small space. The culture clash between human and shapeshifter is wonderful (and Harley’s shapeshifters truly have a culture all their own). I thought it was going to be a quick read because it’s short, but the language and depth of information have me going slower and savoring every word. That said, I’ve also reached the point where I want to take it in faster, so I find myself spending a little extra time every time I pick it up, just to get a few more pages!

Manga & Graphic Novels

I have one manga and one graphic novel in progress.

I’ve been reading The Complete Elfquest, volume 1 by Wendy & Richard Pini for a little over two weeks now. We have several of these volumes, and my intention is to read one chapter/issue a night, so I am able to savor them slowly, but also get through them. Reading this first volume is like coming home into a fandom from childhood. The first chunk of it was also collected in the original Warp Graphics compilations, and I can’t remember how often I read those back in high school. I’m reaching the parts now where I probably only read the individual issues once or twice, so it’s familiar, but not to the point where I’m like oh yes, I remember gazing at that panel for hours. I still love these elves, and this story, and I cannot wait to get home each day and be allowed to read a chapter. I’m looking forward to when I reach new-to-me material.

I watched the 24 episode anime The Apothecary Diaries and I wasn’t ready to let it go when it was over, so I started reading the manga by Natsu Hyuuga and Nekokurage. I finished volumes 5 & 6 this past week and am currently reading volume 7. I have the remaining already published volumes waiting for when I’m done with this. I adore Maomao and Jinshi, and am incredibly excited to get to the point where canon moves past what is in the anime. That said, getting to revisit events I already watched on TV and linger over what was said and the exact expressions has been soooo good. (And yes, I know the light novels also exist and will be rolling into those in ebook form after the manga; I might be a tad bit obsessed).

Audiobook

A while ago I thought “I should read some TJ Klune” so I checked the library list I had for audiobooks, and the first of his Extraordinaries trilogy was available in audio. I listened to it. I was addicted. I’m now on the third book—Heat Wave—and I find it very very hard to put it down. I can’t listen while working, only while commuting, walking, or doing chores—things that don’t require me to actually think so I can multi-task. But hey, it’s a GREAT way to get me to do my PT since it means fifteen minutes more of audiobook listening! Nick, the POV character, has ADHD and I flail a lot over pretty much everything he thinks and does. I love every character in this series. I love how Klune is using superheroes as an allegory for the queer experience and for racial issues, but at the same time, is actually addressing those issues explicitly. I both want to listen faster to find out what happens, and linger so it doesn’t end.

Ebook

I have been reading Wayfinder by CE Murphy, which is the second in a duology. This is a romance, yes, but it’s another fun culture clash book, this time between humanity and faerie, and I am so here for that. Murphy is an author I used to read a lot from, and I’m trying to work my way through her back catalog slowly because I’ve always enjoyed her style. Accessible and fun. This series is about a woman who has always been able to hear lies (a Truthseeker), and how her talent develops, and how she works with the faerie kingdoms to try to help them (despite some of them not wanting help, and the original situation not being the one she’s actually needed for).

Non-fiction

I have been working my way through three non-fiction books.

One is A Year of Zen by Bonnie Myotai Treace. I had been looking for a journaling prompt book, and decided to give this one a try. I made the difficult decision to write directly in the book itself, then the additional decision to let myself fail if needed. So if I don’t get to answer a prompt on a day, I just answer it the next day. One prompt per day. It’ll take me more than a year to go through it, but that’s okay. The idea is to have me think and write a short paragraph every day, and not feel guilty about messing up. It’s working surprisingly well. Learning to let myself fail has been a big part of my process this year, and hopefully I am learning to let go of some of the anxiety about things needing to be matched and rigid.

The one I am stalled on right now is The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It was recommended as a book that therapists like to use for themselves, not merely recommend to their patients, and it reminded me of the radical acceptance I’m supposed to be practicing (and apparently am, despite myself, according to my therapist after she listened to me). The problem is, it has exercises (doesn’t everything?) and I stalled out because I didn’t have time.

Time is a theme, y’know? And that’s what happened with the last non-fiction book. I’ve been working through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, taking it as a self-guided 12 week course. I’m currently on week 5. However, I did a week of just doing morning notes before I really got started, then I took a week off when everything went haywire in my schedule because of the power outage. So it’s been about seven weeks so far. This week, as I worked on exercises, I found myself really digging in to my emotions about this book. And in the end, I decided that while I can see the value in some things, the book itself is giving me more anxiety about everything to do with my writing, while at the same time making it impossible for me to find time TO write (while following the advice it gives). So. I am no longer doing it as a course, with exercises, but I will finish reading it. And if an exercise appeals, I’ll do it. It’ll still take time, because I’ll probably still read one chapter each weekend, but I am already feeling WAY less stressed and I only made this decision last night.

So…

That’s it for me! What are you reading?

[whump-me]

Martyr, Chapter 21: There Always Comes A Moment

Chapter 21 of Martyr, a novel-length sci-fi whump story about a captured Martian rebel with a secret and the renowned interrogator who has waited a decade for the chance to break him. This series is best read in order. Masterpost here.

Contains: multiple defiant whumpees, cold whumper, restraints, interrogation, blood, verbal sparring, forced to watch

---

Wraith

This time, the knife slid sideways across the back of the prisoner’s wrist, just behind the wrist bone. It dug deep, parting the skin, letting dark blood flow out as the prisoner bit his lip. He threw his head back, sweat beading above his eyes. His lips grew white where his teeth pressed into his skin in an effort to hold back a cry of pain.

“Next time,” said Isadora, “he loses the hand. I am done with your lies, Wraith. They started when you told us that was your name, and they haven’t stopped since.” She flicked the knife toward the prisoner, making him flinch back. A drop of blood flew off the tip and landed on his cheek, just below his eye.

“Now finish telling me about that day,” said Isadora. “Tell me about your last conversation. But this time, choose your words carefully. You will not get another warning.”

Wraith’s breathing came heavily. Fuck her. Fuck her and all her talk about games, about strategies and tactics and rules. The only rule here was that Isadora did whatever she wanted. If she wanted to say he was lying, then he was lying, and who was going to contradict her? Wraith could yell all he wanted, and it wouldn’t stop her from cutting off the prisoner’s hand and telling him it was his fault.

Anything he said would be wrong. Anything he said would be a lie in her eyes. Was that the point? Was she trying to break his mind by convincing him to keep trying to please her, then punishing him by proxy no matter what he said? But then why bother trying? Surely she knew the only thing that would do was make him stop talking entirely.

But not yet. Not while he still had a chance to keep her from following through on her threat. And that was the trick, wasn’t it? As long as that chance existed, he would keep trying.

Even if he knew that whatever he said, the prisoner across from him would suffer for it.

Isadora stared into his eyes as if she could see every thought that passed through his mind. He couldn’t think with her watching him like that. He closed his eyes.

He put himself back in Gabriel’s office. He brought himself back to that night, after he had stormed off in a huff, after he had walked the deserted tunnels for hours—the ones only he and Gabriel knew about—and worked off his helpless fury until he found a solution. Until he realized he wasn’t so helpless after all—there was still something he could do.

He had known Gabriel would still be awake when he came back. He had thought Gabriel would be surprised to see him. Normally, when they had a fight like that, it took him at least a day or two to come back to apologize for whatever he had said in the heat of anger.

This time, he hadn’t had an apology to offer. And Gabriel had seemed to know it. There was a certain way he held himself when he knew Wraith was about to apologize to him, a light in his eyes that told Wraith he was already forgiven. Wraith hadn’t seen any light in his eyes this time. Only that deep, deep sorrow.

Wraith had outlined his plan. Gabriel had offered the expected objections. But it had felt like they were going through the motions. Gabriel must have known he wouldn’t be able to talk Wraith out of his plan, because that expression on his face had never changed. It was as if, from the second Wraith had walked back into the room, Gabriel had known not only what he would say, but how the argument would end.

It was as if he had known.

Because Gabriel always knew. He knew how Wraith would react in any given situation, sometimes even before Wraith himself did. It was how he had pulled Wraith out of trouble so many times. It was why he sometimes held certain pieces of information back, even though he knew Wraith would be furious when he found out Gabriel had been keeping secrets from him.

Like he had hidden the truth of how close Special Security was to finding him out. Until he hadn’t.

He hadn’t needed to tell Wraith the truth that night. As much as Wraith wanted to believe he could convince his friend to open up to him, the truth was, Gabriel didn’t tell anyone anything unless he thought they needed to know. Not even him. It was another thing they had argued about often over the years. Just open up to me, Gabriel, will you? Come on, it’s if you can talk to anyone about this stuff, it should be me. And Gabriel would just shake his head, alone behind his desk, with a halo clinging to his hair and the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He never told Wraith anything unless it was the right time for Wraith to know. He wouldn’t have told Wraith the truth that night unless he thought it was the right time. No matter how hard Wraith pushed him.

When Wraith had walked out the door that night after their argument, Gabriel had looked so sad. When he had walked back in, Gabriel had looked like he was grieving.

Gabriel had known what Wraith would say. Gabriel always knew what Wraith would say.

Something bubbled up in Wraith’s chest, something that seared his skin from the inside, like scalding water boiling up from his gut. He wanted to throw his head back and scream.

Gabriel hadn’t wanted him to do it. They had argued about it for hours.

An argument just like all their other arguments. A well-worn track, one they had gone around again and again. Gabriel knew all his lines, just like Wraith did.

Gabriel cared about him—cared about him enough to keep him alive for ten years. Gabriel loved him. Maybe not the way Wraith loved Gabriel, but it was love all the same. Wraith had seen it in his eyes.

Gabriel loved everyone who fought for him. It was why he looked so hollow inside every time he had to send one of them to die.

That look in his eyes when Wraith had walked in…

The boiling liquid inside him ate away at his lungs. He couldn’t breathe.

Gabriel loved him.

Which did Gabriel love more—his cause or his followers? His cause or Wraith? No one can care about both equally.

Both. He loved both. It was what made him who he was.

There always comes a moment when someone has to choose.

He opened his eyes.

Isadora was still staring at him. She hadn’t moved an inch.

“Now tell me again,” she said, “was it your idea to be captured in his place?”

She held up the knife. Blood dripped down the blade, onto the hilt, and over her clenched fingers.

If Wraith opened his mouth, that boiling liquid might come pouring out, and all his screams along with it. But he parted his lips, and he didn’t scream. “No,” he said, his voice strangely calm. “It wasn’t.”

---

Tagged: @straight-to-the-pain @soheavyaburden @gala1981 @whumpacabra @sacredwrath @suspicious-whumping-egg @sonder35 @decahedron-crabclaw @seasaltandcopper @tremendousenemyhideout @bloodinkandashes @whumplr-reader @whatiswhumpblog @delicateprincepaper

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[sohmariku]

Happy New Year! (& New Year's resolutions)

Bye bye, 2023! Welcome, 2024!

Last year I was in a rut. A burnout occupied me most of the year, and I don't think I released any subtitles at all! I simply could not find the energy to work on anything. I did release a couple of novel translations (on a side blog), but wasn't quite as consistent as I had hoped.

So, for next year... let's try to change that! Let's at least finish the subtitles for Tenden (Tousute)! I'm more than halfway there already! How's that for a New Year's resolution?

If I put my mind to it, I'm pretty sure I should be able to do it! Can't stay in this rut forever! It's going to be a slow and steady process though. So, don't get your hopes up just yet. I don't want to spiral right back into burnout again!

Speaking of New Year's resolutions, last year I said I wanted to read 100 books this year, of which 20 would be in Japanese...

Well, let's just say I didn't make it. (Unless I include manga volumes in the count.) The total count of novels read stopped at 60. That is less than in 2022 (80 books) and 2021 (69 books)!! And here I was thinking I could do it! (Let's try again in 2024?)

Looking at the list, I lost interest in reading somewhere in the middle of the year. Probably because I was trying to read Japanese novels, but my mind was too tired to commit to it. In the end, I finished only 7 Japanese books. (...it's something.)

It seems the first 6 months of 2023 were completely devoted to rereading Ascendance of a Bookworm. (The last book of the series was released in December. The ending is very satisfying.) In April I ran out of English-translated volumes and started on the Japanese volumes, but... I lost the motivation to read consistently.

It was only in August that I picked up the pace again, soon after I bought a bunch of new books at a second-hand store.

The most notable entry of 2023:

"Pride & Prejudice". I finally read the book after all these years! I must have bought it over 10 years ago, but somehow never opened it! I was quite all right. The story is good, but the writing was a bit long-winded, I guess>

"The Longest Memory". I was forced to read it in high school but did not enjoy it back then. Upon rereading the book, I can only say I was too young to appreciate it back then. I think it is actually a pretty good read. Although somewhat depressing.

"Hitler's Daughter". A book that my husband was forced to read in high school. I remember picking it up before, because the title sounded intriguing, but then only reading a chapter or two. Well, I finished it this time, and, it's good.

"The Apothecary Diaries". The latest addition to the list of Japanese light novels I've fallen in love with. It's kind of sucks I'm caught up with the English translations already... either gotta wait for more translated chapters or find out if Japanese ones are floating around.

Other books on 2023's read list are worth mentioning: "The Invisible Library" (Genevieve Cogman), "There is No Dog" (Meg Rosoff), "Papertowns" (John Green), "A Tale of Time City" (Diana Wynne Jones), "Murder at the Bookstore" (Sue Minex), "A Three Dog Problem" (S.J.Bennet) & "The Thursday Murder Club" (Richard Osman).

[cidylee]

Welcome to the Future - Kicho x Y/N (Ikémen Sengoku)

Here is my entry for A Series of Firsts hosted by @aquagirl1978. I'm super nervous to post it because it's the first time I'm writing a fanfiction and English is not my first language. Also, I know only a little about Kicho. I've only read a few of his birthday events available on the Enslig server. So, expect it to be out of character.

Prompt: First look

Pairing: Kicho x Y/N (but consider it a self-insert)

Word Count: 1628

There are really few spoilers from his route. I think we all already know where he has been and when.

The story takes place in the present day. A university student travels to Japan for her master degree. She visits Honno-Ji temple. There is a thunderstorm and she finds... a man?

The wind is blowing through my hair, bringing with it a light scent of greenery, reminiscent of the few threes around. I can also smell the scent of wet wood and wet stone. The sky is grey. Not a grey that conveys sadness, just an old plain boring grey, perfect for the boring days.

I’m so stupid. So, so, so stupid. What did I decided to do my master’s degree on Dazai Osamu? I’m studying French literature not Japanese literature. At least, since it’s only a master’s degree, not a doctorate degree, I could write my mémoire based on translations. My university allows it. The thing is, French and Japanese are incredibly different. Reading Osamu Dazai in French is not the same thing as reading him in Japanese. I want to respect the creator’s work, so I told myself I would learn Japanese and visit Japan. Such a good idea. A degree that should take two years to finish has been extended to at least four years. I am already twenty-six-year-old. After my university studies, I’ll need to find a job.

I’m dumb. Even a lifetime won’t be enough to fully understand Osamu Dazai’s work. Will I ever be able to read his novels in their original language? Scrap that. I will never obtain my degree.

I sigh as I walk through Honno-Ji’s main entrance. As an international student, I get to visit a lot of places. I am quite pleased to be able to explore Kyoto. I mean, a trip to Japan is not complete without some sightseeing through Kyoto, right? Though, for some reason, a friend of mine recommended me to go to Honno-Ji temple. It’s not that I lack culture, but... I didn’t know what that temple was. I never saw it passed on travel guide. Oda Nobunaga was a name I’ve never heard before. Yet, here I am, about to pay my respect to that guy.

There are few people around. They are talking or looking at their phone. Yeah, nobody cares about Oda Nobunaga.

Suddenly, the surroundings are darkening. Well, I guess it’s going to rain. A lightning tears the sky, creating a root-like pattern. Seconds later, the thunder resonates in the air. The people around are quick to get up from their seat and find shelter under the roofs. Once they are safe from the rain and the thunder, people resume talking and looking at their phone. The storm seems to worsen. Light and electricity are spreading in the sky. Thunder is deafening. I hear a shrill noise in my head, like a powerful ringing. I cover my ears with my hands.

The rain splattering against the ground. The blinding lights. The roaring of the thunder. The heat and the dampness. The tense atmosphere I seem to be the only one feeling. It’s too much. I’m out of breath. My legs are trembling. My heart is about to burst out of my chest. My blood is boiling. I’m about to faint.

The next moment, a lightning strikes the memorial. The ground vibrates under my feet, and I collapse. All eyes are converging where the lightning struck. There, I see a man, lying down. What the… What is he doing?

People around are screaming, pointing at his direction, but nobody goes to help him. I understand. Even if I could move, I wouldn’t risk my life.

Soon, there is no more lightning and thunder. After a while, the sky is clearing up and I can see the sun above. The few people disperse, and I find myself alone in Honno-Ji memorial with a man only meters away. Is he unconscious? He didn’t run away when the storm was raging. I… I don’t want. I don’t want to go look after him, ask him if he’s fine, if he needs some help… I’m not good at that.

Despite my reluctance, I find the courage to look after him. I get up while holding myself against the wall, then walk in direction of the man, my heart still beating fast. Cautious, I lean over him. The man is soaked. His eyes are close, but his chest is slowly rising and falling. He wears a kimono, way too open in the chest area. His black hair falls on his face. He is unconscious, yet he looks irritated.

OK, time to wake him up. I kneel next to him and shake his body. Soon enough, his eyes flutter open. Well, that was easy. It means he is not seriously injured. The man stares at me with green orbs. I can’t help but notice the bags under his eyes. They give him an annoyed look. He’s still quite attractive. His jaw is sharp, his neck long and he possesses an elegant flair to him. I don’t think I’ve met a guy as handsome as him before. Now, what do I do?

"Hello?" I said in a broken Japanese. "Are you alright? Do you need help?"

The man stares at me, confused and more irritated. That’s it. He didn’t understand a word I said. I try again:

"Are you hurt somewhere? What is your name? Should I take you to the hospital?

The man stares at me for a while, and I feel more nervous. He scoffs at me and says something. What… what it is? That’s… I understood nothing. I look at his clothes again. He wears a kimono and the way he is speaking is weird, it is not the Japanese I usually hear on the streets. We are in a temple. The man is handsome… He must be an actor acting the role of a Japanese of the ancient times! He is certainly taking his role seriously. If I were him, I would’ve break character the moment the thunderstorm started. He even kept acting when I woke him up. That’s what I call talent and dedication.

"You’re an actor, right? You’re good, but I don’t think you need to keep acting. I just want to make sure you’re alright. Can you, maybe, answer me in modern Japanese? Please? If you tell me you are alright, I promise to let you alone."

The man scoffs again. He is talking again and… something mysterious happens. I hear him talking to me in Japanese, yet I understand him as if he were speaking to me in my native language.

"Your Japanese is horrible to the ears." He smirks, and I hate him. He’s not wrong, though. "You’re not from here."

"Of course, I’m not from here! It’s written all over my face and body. Do I look Japanese to you? Arg… Anyway, are you not supposed to be an actor for the Honno-Ji temple? If so, shouldn’t you be a bit nicer to the visitors? I was worried about you!"

The man’s gaze darkens. He is not smiling anymore. He scans the surroundings, and he looks confused. "An actor?" he repeats.

"Come on! Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m not dumb to the point of not knowing there was some sort of actors back in… the old days."

He frowns. "Where are we? What is this place? It’s terrible. Whatever you are wearing is distasteful for a woman… or just any human being."

Geez… That man is something else. "We are at Honno-Ji temple, where Oda Nobunaga died… hum… many years ago."

The man appears to be even more confused. Then, he puts one hand on my neck and forces me to look at him right in the eyes. The effect is immediate. I lower my gaze to his lips. He seems to notice as he sighs, but he doesn’t comment about it. "You said Oda Nobunaga is dead?"

"Yeah… He died some 450 years ago, or so my friend told me."

The man’s eyes widen. What is going on? My heart’s rate hasn’t slowed down since the end of the thunderstorm. I can only keep staring at his lips, his neck and chest. Did he hit his head that badly? He looks like he really doesn’t know what is going on. I should take him to the hospital.

The man has now a serious expression. "Introduce yourself. What is your name? What year are you born? Where do you come from? What year is it?" His voice is commanding, and I see no problem to answering his questions. "I’m Y/N. I was born in 1992. We are now in 2018. I’m from Canada."

I didn’t think he could look more surprised, yet he seems even more dumbfounded. "Canada?" At the end of the 16th century, Canada had already been discovered for some decades. Either the information had not yet reach Japan at that time, or Japan didn’t know Canada by that name. "It’s a far away land. Now, would you tell me who you are?"

The man answers a few seconds later. "My name is Kicho. I am a vassal of Oda Nobunaga." he murmurs. I nod, then I grab my phone, searching for "Kicho". Oh, OK. That guy definitely hit his head. Kicho is a woman, and she is Nobunaga’s wife. "Sorry, but Internet is telling me Kicho is Nobunaga’s wife. She is also known as Nohime." "Nohime?" repeats the man calling himself Kicho. He then stands up and grabs me by the wrist. I am forced to get up with him. "Y/N, you are coming with me. You will show me around and will explain to me everything about this place, and about Canada too." His gaze is piercing, and I feel compelled to obey, but I am not afraid.

"But first, we need to find you new clothes. You can’t go flashing your tits like that."

Kicho’s eyes widen, then he frowns. "Flashing my what? My… tits?"

[zhiroaesthetics]

Writing Commissions 🔛🔝

I want to write more, but I lost all the outlines that I created in the past two years, in which most of them I had started their drafts. Naturally, my morale tanked, but I don’t want for that to stop me on the path to consistency. So I’m opening commissions, yippe!

Pricing $0.02/word; 500 words minimum. (500=$10, 1000=$20, 1500=$30, 2000=$40, etc.)

Type SFW and NSFW Pairings written in Second/Third Person. Most flexible with F(Reader)/M and F(Reader)/F. Open to OC/Canon. Least flexible with Male Reader/Focus and Genderfluid/Non-binary Reader/Focus. I don’t do Canon/Canon or M/M.

Series If they’re not present then it’s more than likely because I’d write a character from the series as opposed to anything from the series (i.e. Raging Loop, 91 Days, Mononoke) so just ask about a character if their series isn’t present.

Gacha Games

Fate/Grand Order

Genshin Impact

Honkai Star Rail

Langrisser (My ability to do the request depends on me having the character due to a lack of online material and the inability to backread)

Granblue Fantasy (I like enough of the cast to speedrun side stories to understand plot references/setting)

Arknights (I don’t play the game but I have two friends that do and I don’t mind annoying them about context. NGL it’s here because I pray for a Chongyue request-)

Fire Emblem Heroes (I can’t do anything story specific because I never read it)

Video Games

Fire Emblem (Awakening, Fates, knowledgeable about Sacred Stones and Engage)

King of Fighters

Anime/Manga

Jujutsu Kaisen (Anime)

Chainsaw Man (Manga - Part One)

Jigokuraku (Manga)

Record of Ragnarok (Manga)

Black Lagoon (Anime)

Baccano (Anime, Light Novels – 1-5)

Considerations

Communication. I have a computer science background, so I take everything literally and my mind blanks at “idk, do whatever you want”.

My Writing Approach. People talk a lot in my stories and though I do it to showcase dynamics, I also do it to pace myself. To prevent overlap and incoherency, I significantly limit my reliance on exposition. I rarely start my stories with it, and I will more than likely write in media res if the requested word cap is on the shorter side.

Expressing Limitations. No does not mean that the idea is bad or that you should be ashamed, but that I don’t feel confident in being able to properly execute it.

Hard Limitations. If it’s an idea that would be concocted by someone that is on Jeffery Epstein’s flight list, then please don’t request. If it’s an idea that would be concocted by someone who wouldn’t mind posting it on Live Leaks, then please don’t request. If it’s an idea that would be concocted by someone who would wave around a confederate flag, then please don’t request. If it’s an idea that would be concocted by a dark humor connoisseur, then please don’t request. I’m also very big on boundaries and trust, so please don’t request ideas with the following elements:

Rape/Non-Con

Drugging

Kidnapping

Payment ko-fi.com/zhiro

Delivery PDF in 12 pt Times New Roman. I’ll post (via ao3) if requested.

Process Please do not request for a commission if you’re uncomfortable with sending money before receiving the commission. Only send the payment once I confirm that I will be writing the commission; I will refund otherwise. It takes 1-3 months for me to finish works, and I’ll do my best in sending a progress report/the premise seven days after confirmation. My drafts are pretty messy, so I won’t be showing them, but I’ll give updates throughout. Please do not request for a commission if you’re dubious about the process.

References archiveofourown.org/users/zhiro/pseuds/Araceli%20Selkie

If any of the above changes, I’ll post the update and edit this post. Thank you for taking your time to read this. Please consider commissioning me, I like to think I’m decent enough.

[kokusfluffyhair]

I might delete this later, but I need to vent and at least this Tumblr is anonymous instead of IG or other social media. I'm very overwhelmed with my writing project and even though I once thought it was good or marketable, I'm having severe second thoughts. I still think I've got some good use of emotion in some scenes, but all in all I don't think any reader would stick with the story. It is massively long. I wrote it with the intention of being a "manga series in a novel form" with shorter adventures for the mcs to conquer on their path to "defeating the final boss" and solving the problem of the plot. I'm not done with it yet after working on it for 11 months (but I'm close to the end, finally). I've been doing some wc tests and I've hashed out over 250k words of crap.

While researching what publishers and agents require for manuscripts, they go for 75k max (100k max in fantasy), especially for new writers who don't have a name to them. I first thought, no problem I'll break my thing down into a series of 2 or 3 books. But then I've found that publishers and agents want you to have your first (and probably second too) to be "self-standing with the potential for a series". This is really crushing because I can't really make a self-standing book out of it. Well, technically I can but it wouldn't really be the same story. I know that if I happened to get an agent and they/the editor told me I had to change things that I'd have to, regardless of if I liked it or not.

What makes this worse is that if I didn't have to write in English (or really any language that isn't Japanese and maybe Korean or Chinese), I might be able to go with my "adventure" plot spanning over 5-6 books of 30-40k words each. I feel my project could thrive being marketed as an LN (light novel) series, and really it would be my dream to be able to sell it as that and if I'm lucky for it to be adapted into a full-out manga or an anime. But many people, including thes subreddit for LN, limit this type of writing to Japanese people only. There are some OELN (original english light novels), but they are quite rare to come by and most of them except for a lucky few are self-published. There's one publishing house out of Canada that I know of that will consider taking OELN manuscripts. I swear, at this point I'm wondering if I should finish the series, edit it, and have it translated into Japanese and work with it from there -- which is a ridiculous idea because I speak N5 Japanese at best. I don't think that I'd be taken seriously, or I'd have to hire a translator to work with me during all kinds of communication, which is impractical. I don't really want to self-publish, and part of it is from my own submitting to hearing how people don't take self-publishing seriously and that only the "rejects" from traditional publishers do it. From a practical standpoint, I don't think I can take on the marketing aspect, not just because of the marketing itself but because I'd have to rely on my personality to appeal to others. Honestly, I think that by hearing me make a TT on my book to market it that seeing and hearing me would make readers not give my book a chance, rather than get interested.

The other part of it, I admit, is my own greed and financial desparation. I'm mentally convinced that traditional publishing has a better chance of making money, even though I know that most writers don't make much money, regardless of how they publish. I didn't start writing my project with the idea of making money, but like anyone, I would like to make money off of it after finishing it.

I know that my writing needs work. The manuscript does need to be cut in places, whether it's unnecessary dialogue, other parts that are drawn-out, and even getting rid of a couple arcs that don't serve much extra to the story as a whole. I don't mean to write all of this to say that my work is perfect or that I don't need to do any effort besides hashing together a plot from conflict to resolutioon. I know that this is tough -- honestly maybe even tougher than the other creative industry I'm in (acting). But it really doesn't give me any consolation or boost in confidence or love when I look at my own work.

I wish I had the love for my work that I used to. And I guess it's not that I don't still love it. I still love the characters and the story of my imagination, it's my writing that I no longer love.

I guess all I can say is that if anyone read though this rant and it resonates with you and your own artistic struggles, know that you aren't alone. I hope, even though I might find misery in the situation I find myself in, that maybe it will make someone else feel better to know that it's not "just them" who feels like shit about what they create and see nothing but a bleak future ahead for it.

[elliepassmore]

A Natural History of Dragons review

5/5 stars Recommended if you like: dragons, epistolary narrative, light academia

Usually I review books as I read them, but this time I'm reviewing this after I've finished the series (barring the spinoff/companion novel), so I have the benefit of hindsight. This series is great if you like epistolary narration since Isabella/Lady Trent is writing her memoirs and thus takes the narrative style of someone who knows they're telling a story. It's heavy on the academia, so if you like light/dark academia, I definitely recommend it and it does cover some additional topics other than dragons, though obviously they're the bulk of Isabella's interest. This first book does feature dragons and Isabella does get to study them somewhat, but I would say this book is the least draconic of the series. It was a little disappointing for me in that regard, but I went on to read the rest and was not disappointed at all in the dragon content. And to be honest, the fact that she wasn't too involved in studying dragons in this one makes sense.

I have to say, I greatly appreciate Brennan being an anthropologist and think we should have more light/dark academia books written by people with such professions. I can definitely see how studying and working in anthropology have influenced her writing here and enjoyed the little things she was able to naturally incorporate into this book and the rest of the series.

This book covers Isabella's childhood and the way she fell in love with dragons and her various misadventures pursuing them in adolescence. The meat of the story really starts when she meets her husband-to-be and manages to get them both on a dragon studying excursion to Vystrana.

In terms of the world's geography Anthiope = Europe and Scirland = England. Bulskoi, which doesn't really come into play until toward the end of the book, is Russia. Vystrana, the country Isabella and co. spend the most time in, is clearly Eastern European of some kind, though it's harder to pinpoint. Likewise, I'm not entirely certain what country Chiavora is meant to map onto. My theory currently is that Vystrana = Georgia and Chiavora = Turkey. None of this is particularly relevant to enjoying the story, but I find it interesting.

While it is only lightly touched on in this book, I found the way Brennan does religion, culture, and language to be fascinating and I really enjoyed the worldbuilding. While Isabella might not be an anthropologist, she does note a lot of details about the location she is in, including cultural details. Religion also comes up in this book because Scirland is 'Magisterial' and Vystrana worship in the Temple (I assumed that mapped to Christianity and Judaism, later I revised my hypothesis), and along with the main religion, there are also folk beliefs held by the people of Vystrana and Isabella accidentally steps right into them and ends up in a whole mess.

Isabella definitely comes across as young in this first book, which makes sense since it covers her childhood and adolescence, and I believe she's all of 19 when the book closes. That being said, it's easy to forget both her youth and the fact that she isn't the anthropologist when she has clearly educated herself on her topic(s) of interest. She's well-read and stubborn, and she generally has a good grasp on how to steer people toward what she wants them to do.

I did have some moments where I cringed at her behavior and thoughts while in Vystrana though. It becomes very, very clear that she isn't a trained anthropologist nor has she had any kind of cultural relativity training once she's on the expedition. Props to Brennan though for creating a voice who sounds very much what I would imagine a Victorian-era European woman would sound like when studying in the field (for those also cringing and/or uncomfortable by these behaviors/thoughts, Isabella improves with each subsequent book).

The other 'main' characters in this book are Isabella's husband, Jacob; the trip's leader and benefactor, Lord Hilford; and draconologist Tom Wilker. Jacob is open and understanding of Isabella's interests, and by and large has little problem with her pursuing them. They do have some issues at the start, with him not understanding why dragons are so interesting and important to her, but over the course of their trip they grow even closer and develop a stronger bond than before.

Lord Hilford is a wonderful mentor and wholeheartedly supports Isabella's interests. His own niece (grandniece?) has her own 'unfeminine' interests, and so he's even more open-minded than Jacob and provides Isabella opportunities to learn, hypothesize, and grow over the course of the trip. I really liked his character and found him to be an enjoyable part of the story.

Tom Wilker is more unpleasant and he and Isabella settle into a kind of petty rivalry. He clearly looks down on her for being uneducated, and perhaps for being a woman, and she in turn starts (or perhaps already did) looking down on him for being lower class. Their interpersonal relationship is a whole issue, but Wilker definitely knows his stuff about dragons. He has experience studying them and provides valuable insight into their behavior.

Overall I enjoyed this book and found it to be an interesting read. It's definitely academic, and I liked learning different things about the language, culture, and religion of the region, as well as about dragons. This is the 'least draconic' book in the series, but I still found it very interesting.

[crystalelemental]

I keep trying to post something interesting about this and failing, so forgot it: general thoughts now that I've finished all the I'm in Love With the Villainess light novels.

Overall, pretty fun! I enjoyed it quite a lot. Rae and Claire are very cute, and I love them. To the surprise of no one, I really like Claire, very much my character type. I was surprised how much I wound up liking Rae, though. I find her very...relatable. Like, the tendency to respond to anything serious and therefore uncomfortable with goofs, the desire to just be apolitical at all times, hiding insecurities by over-exaggerating things and avoiding disappointment by self-sabotaging. There's something about how she is that just connects.

The rest of the cast is generally good, but far less significant. Which is a weak point overall, I think. I found myself wanting a lot more of some of the side characters that don't do as much directly. For as right there as Misha always is, she doesn't contribute much, which is hindered all the more with her relationship with Yu, which doesn't get a whole lot of development. They get like two scenes. It's a bit disappointing, because I would've liked more of their dynamic. Similar situation with Lilly, who is my girl, and who not only doesn't get many scenes, but also is Possessions Georg, being mind controlled or otherwise possessed by every entity capable of doing so. Poor girl.

I think Book 3 was when, character wise, I started to lose a bit of interest. Like, we already had multiple side characters I really liked who weren't getting substantial play at this point, and now we're going to introduce a whole new set that are...frankly not as interesting to me? May and Aleah are adorable, I love the kids, but the rest aren't quite as interesting despite how many there are. It's not even that they don't get a lot of time; Philine, Hilda, and Dorothea get as much time as any other side character, but I don't really connect with them as much. Couldn't entirely tell you why. ...well, I might be able to in part.

I think Book 3 is when it became a bit much that every character was interested in either Rae or Claire. Manaria was excusable as the one hidden route in the original game, so like sure, that checks out in the same way as the princes. Lilly, sure, I'm willing to accept that, since Manaria kinda backs off even if feelings are still there. But then Philine's interested in Claire, and Lana's interested in Rae, and at the point Rae and Claire are basically married it gets to be a bit much? I'm not saying I wanted nothing but cute domestic wives like the first chapter of Book 3, but also maybe that's what I wanted. Because I do legitimately love that dynamic through the rest of the series.

For what it does do, I think it does well. The story's fun and engaging and there were multiple points where I was squealing with excitement over the recent developments. I think if there's one thing they did well, it's building tension. Which is impressive for an isekai where the protagonist knows, more or less, what's going to happen in advance. And it's nice that every twist isn't another stomp against the protagonists. I think it's pretty common for the twists to build tension being things that work against the protagonists, but just as often the story sets up some hint at Rae being up to something that isn't revealed until later, and it's a fun little hook. The quickest example I can think of is when May and Aleah are kidnapped, and they reference May having a bag as their trump card, but not revealing what that was until near the end of that encounter. Related: Ralaire is hilarious. Like it always shows up to save the day, at like the perfect interval that I forgot it was there.

The Book 5 reveal is...a mixed bag for me. I generally don't love the kind of switch from hard magic (barring the isekai, which I think counts) into a more sci-fi "it's basically the real world adjacent" narrative. But I think it's relatively unobtrusive? Like, once it's out, they never stop talking from that angle. But I think the way things work out for characters is still interesting. I love that initial Rei's whole deal was that all these cycles wore down her affections until it didn't feel right anymore. I love that they have an AI that's focused on keeping humanity going at all costs, willing to fuck with everyone here to achieve that goal; very Etrian Odyssey 2 of you. I like that, in the re-written world, Lilly has no idea what's going on but still wants the best for Rae.

I think if there's one thing I expected to matter more, it's tandem casting. They made a huge deal of this, and about how it links to the secrets of the world, and it...doesn't really do much of anything. It's pretty unexplained how this was so linked to the hidden truth of reality, or why it works at all. Or how it's associated with the ring that Torrid made. There's a lot of gray area on that one. Which is a shame because I do love me some magic systems. Related note: I love how the initial explanation for wind is "yeah it's like support I guess, don't worry about it," and then it's easily the most overpowered element, being able to project or silence sound, power up physical attacks, be used offensively, create a shield, dispel certain kinds of magic, and goddamn manipulate time. Like oh okay, wind just does everything. Water and Earth have some stuff, while Fire is just...fire. You do damage. That's it. I do like that overall proficiency is secondary to skill, though. Like, Salas' hypnosis magic is super powerful and dangerous, and he's only like mid-proficiency as I recall. I think the applications of the system are more interesting than the system itself.

The only odd bits from magic that slightly bug me are Dark magic, and the void. Dark bugs me just because it's better than all of them by default, and also because they designated Earth as the color black, but Final Fantasy rules say that should be yellow and Wind should be green and yes this bothers me. The void is just...what Dorothea and Aleah have going on. Like oh, sure, they can completely negate all magic used against them, or absorb that magic to create their own attacks. Don't get me wrong, big fan of Spellblade Aleah, but it feels hysterically overpowered for little reason, and kinda undercuts the significance of their whole discussion with the kids about how not having magic won't make them any less important.

As a last note, I don't think I'm legally allowed to just...not mention that yes, as many others have pointed out since episode 3 of the anime, there are a lot of discussions around sexuality and gender identity. It's very direct in calling things what they are, and it is nice to see things discussed so openly. I do think it sometimes comes across a bit heavy-handed, but then you kinda need to for people who don't have a baseline understanding of these things.

I think I'm running out of things to talk about. The short is, I had a good time. They're fun books, would recommend.

[worldssmallestghost]

Pendragon and being an adult.

So, I've been making a lot of Pendragon Adventures posts while I'm here. I found the series when I was in middle school. I started with the first book and got hooked pretty quickly. I've always been a sucker for, well, for lack of better terms, isekai stuff.

I spent the next few years chasing the books down, being there when books nine and 10 were released. So, if I was a teen when I read these books, why am I talking about them now, as a thirty something year old? I've grown to read more adult series, I've begun even writing my own dark fantasy novel. Why am I here?

I was in a dark place during 2020, but who wasn't? I didn't have much going for me aside from a job that had only one perk; being able to listen to audiobooks while performing my menial tasks. I decided, after finishing A Song of Ice and Fire, that I'd move onto something more light-hearted. In hindsight, yeah, maybe as an adult reading a book meant to deliver darker themes to kids was a bit of a weird decision.

I started listening and begun to pick up on themes I hadn't in my youth. Sure as a teen, I noticed the themes of hardship and found family and friendship pushing through even the darkest times.

But as an adult during these... Quite frankly, uncertain times...

Book six is what made me think. The themes of fascism and disease and humanity's stubbornness in the face of what's right, being blinded by hatred...

I envy my younger self for not being able to identify with those messages. With finding them to just be fantasy elements made to raise the stakes in the story.

I finished Raven Rise recently. I'm on Soldiers of Halla currently.

Ravinia is real, to an extent. Not literally, Halla and Alexander Naymeer and the travelers and Saint Dane aren't real. But the fanaticism? The very real levels of approaching fascism that humanity is speeding towards, despite the fact that some people who *lived through that* are still alive?

God.

I wrote earlier about learning to appreciate Soldiers of Halla's ending. As a teen, I hated it. I hated the idea that Bobby would throw away his friends and memories. I hated that everything had just gone "the way it was supposed to be". I wrote about how as an adult who's gone through some really hard times in my life, I can see why Bobby would throw all that away. Throw his trauma away. He lost a lot, but gained peace. Something I, an adult with stress and trauma disorders, wish I could do.

"Hobey ho" has stuck in my mind all these years as a triumphant "I CAN DO THIS!" hail Mary. As dorky as it sounds, on my wedding day, I had planned to say it in my vows to the person I love more than life itself, someone who has never read these books. Nobody in the room besides me ever had. I wanted to take this next challenge in my life on with the same enthusiasm as an over-energetic aquaneer about to take on a space fascist.

It brings me back to a time I was more care-free, where my biggest problems were if the girl I liked wanted to say she liked me back. While also reminding me of a grim future lurking around the corner, and that there are good people out there who just want the human species to make the right choices.

Once I'm finished book ten, I'm gong to listen to them all again in a row and then leave the series for a while. Until I feel I've reached another turning point in my life worthy of looking back at Bobby Pendragon's struggles through space and time.

I'll ride down the flume again someday and face whatever comes next with two words in my heart.

Hobey ho.