˖⁺。˚⋆˙xo xo | MS47˖⁺。˚⋆˙
pairing: mick schumacher x fem y/n reader (she/her)
genre: social media au, established relationship
warnings: none jus fluffy
summary: in which your boyfriend finds himself explaining your knack for seeming nonchalant when in reality you just value your privacy, or in which your boyfriend is a lovesick puppy at your side and his fans have a lot of questions about you 🥹💋
a/n: i hope i did this req justice!!!! not sure if i got the idea right but hopefully i did i loved writing it!!! my first ever fanfic for mick too!!!
request!!!: could you do a smau for Mick where he's dating a girl completely opposed to him, not gothic but more of a golden retriever x black cat relationship
my masterlist
fc: various blonde girls from pinterest
twitter ->
instagram ->
mickschumacher 📍 australia
liked by georgerussell63, lewishamilton, and others
mickschumacher a lil boat day with the love of my life ❤️
tagged: yourusername
view all comments
user2 AWWWWW
user3 he's always so sweet im obsessed
user4 me when
user5 y/n is so lucky
user6 everyone's fav golden retriever bf
lilymhe gorgeous couple 😘
liked by mickschumacher
georgerussell63 thanks for inviting us!! 🤔
mickschumacher sorry. y/n said she couldn't be bothered socialising
georgerussell63 sounds like her
yourusername get over it
user7 LOL there they go again
user8 opposites attract 😭
yourusername 💓
liked by mickschumacher
user9 a girl of few words
user10 wish i was cool & mysterious like y/n but instead im a yapper with adhd 😂
user11 this is so real
mickschumacher you can say that again
user12 MICK??? LMAOOO
user13 💀
yourusername 📍 australia
liked by mickschumacher, carmenmmundt, and others
yourusername ⛴️
view all comments
lewishamilton come visit us after the summer break y/n
yourusername maybe
user14 no fr we need her back in the paddock already
user15 LOL lewis is like ussss
user16 begging for y/n's attention
user17 go girl give us nothing
liked by yourusername
user18 she liked this 😂
user19 self aware queen
user20 y/n my fav wag unbothered queen always
mickschumacher love you so much gorgeous
yourusername mwah 💋
user21 at least mick is in this post
user22 barely
yourbff witwoo look at uuu 👀
liked by yourusername
carmenmmundt missing you!!
liked by yourusername
user23 her barely ever replying is real as hell
twitter ->
instagram ->
yourusername posted a story
liked by yourbff, mickschumacher, and others
user29 mick bf content when?
yourbff TXT ME BACKKKK
yourusername srry i will noww
yourbff ever elusive y/n
user30 ily y/n
user31 in my city omg!??!
user32 i luv summer break content
user33 so influencer vibes
lewishamilton …day 10 of asking you to visit the team after summer break
mickschumacher posted a story
liked by lewishamilton, lilymhe, and others
yourbff ur so whipped 💓
mickschumacher 🤷♀️🤩
user34 awww sooo cute
user35 once again the difference in stories 😂
user36 beautiful black cat y/n <3
liked by mickschumacher
mercedesamgf1 so gorgeous!
mickschumacher you're telling me
user37 rapunzel fr
yourusername 📍 nyc
liked by mickschumacher, mercedesamgf1, and others
yourusername living out my serena van der woodsen fantasy… xo xo 💋
view all comments
user38 omg y/n i am obsessed with you
user39 😍😍😍😍😍😍
user40 omg? go off girl
user41 xoxo fr
mickschumacher insanely stunning 🤩
yourusername oh you 💋
user42 giggling & kicking my feet over them
user43 they're all i think about fr
lewishamilton …day 14 of asking you to visit the team after summer break
liked by yourusername, mickschumacher
user44 HAHAHAHAHA
user45 no way
user46 they're begging you y/n
mercedesamgf1 we second lewis!
user47 LOLLLL
user48 how is this reallll
user49 why does everyone love y/n 😭
user50 IKR!!! she's so private tbh we dont rly know her
user51 yah idgi at all
yourbff can i be ur blair waldorf 🥹
yourusername you already know!
twitter ->
instagram ->
yourusername posted a story
liked by yourbff, mickschumacher, and others
user52 Y/N PLEASE
user53 not paris 😂
lewishamilton …day 31 of asking you to visit the team after summer break
user54 our unbothered queen
user55 0 fuck's given
user56 so beautiful <3
mickschumacher ❤️❤️
user57 i jus know lewis & merc in general r having a breakdown without her rn!
user58 free merc f1 team from the y/n drought 🙏
interview ->
transcript: interviewer: i'm sure you've seen the discourse online about your partner, y/n… / mick: *laughs* we have seen it, yes. it's very endearing and i love that everyone wants to get to know her better! / m: she keeps herself to herself generally, we're very opposite in that way! i'm an extrovert and, well, she just isn't!
twitter ->
instagram ->
yourusername posted a story
liked by mickschumacher, georgerussell63, and others
user67 y/n.
user68 where you going
lewishamilton wait… 👀
georgerussell63 🤨
mercedesamgf1 …see you soon?
mickschumacher ❤️
liked by yourusername
user69 next race queen? next race queen? next race queen?
user70 location reveal
user71 status update y/n
user72 leading us on much😆
mickschumacher posted a story
liked by lewishamilton, carmenmmundt, and others
user73 OMGGG FINALLY?!
user74 omg? she's going to monza?
lewishamilton she's here? she's here? she's here?
mickschumacher yes but…
lewishamilton but what
mickschumacher can you & george remain calm and act normal please
lewishamilton excuse me. i always do but i cannot say the same for george
mickschumacher …riiiiiiiight
user75 YAYYYY
user76 sooo cute omg love u guys
mercedesamgf1 our lucky day!
liked by mickschumacher
twitter ->
instagram ->
yourusername posted a story
liked by mercedesamgf1, mickschumacher, and others
user77 omg
user78 this is not a drill!!!!
user79 i know the merc team are buzzing
mercedesamgf1 😻
carmenmmundt finally!!!
user80 U LOOK SO GOOD!!!
user81 reppinnnn 🙏
user82 our fav girl fr
yourusername 📍 italy
liked by mickschumacher, lilymhe, and others
yourusername that was fun
tagged: mickschumacher
view all comments
user83 omg bf mick
user84 she's listening to us 👀
lewishamilton so good to see you!
liked by yourusername
carmenmmundt beaut girl
yourusername ily
lilymhe 😻😻😻
liked by yourusername
yourbff the outfitttt 🔥
liked by yourusername
user85 we lysm y/n!!!
liked by yourusername
user86 HER LIKING!!
user87 i love seeing her posts she's so sweet
user88 omg this is adorable
user89 they deffo read our comments
user90 right!!! her giving us more insight into her life am i crazy?
yourusername i luv u guys 💋
user91 screaming
user92 omg 😭
mickschumacher my girl. i love you ❤️
yourusername 🥹🥹i love u
THE END 💙
920 notes
·
View notes
lovergirl!hazel headcanons
。.。 just some evidence of a love that transcends hunger, tbh.
a/n: i needed a break from writing a fic and wanted to write something sappy. this is the something sappy in question. wanted it to give how-you-become-hazel's-lover -> what she does when you're actually her lover vibe but it just got real mushy. i like it. i hope you like it, too. proofread, but i'm blind as fuck + i'm rusty, so.
tags: gender neutral (i think. i may have fucked up once or twice. please correct me if i did, i proofread fr fr over time. not intended for cis men), body neutral, and poc friendly. some niche reader things (tarot mention, reader wears makeup). mild nsfw -- kissing, making out, heavy petting. almost third base. starts in high school, ends in college.
practice fanfic etiquette. please don't plagiarize or repost my stuff.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who sits up straight on the edge of your bathtub and looks up at you in complete awe when you're getting ready. she's got the dumbest, most lovesick puppy look in her eyes as she watches her lover line her lips, and apply a sheer coat of gloss on top. when they turn around to ask if it's even, hazel smiles so wide that it makes the apples of her cheeks sore.
she doesn't really know if it looks okay, she just knows that she wants to kiss you.
she only manages an mhm because it's what you want from her and, well.. at this point, hazel's convinced that she'd drop just about everything to give whatever you want.
you snicker, closing the space between you in slow and steady strides. "what are you looking at, huh?" you teases, grin stretched across lips lined nude, gleaming pink.
"mmm..." hazel can't help but like, drunklenly (she's dead sober).. haphazardly loop you in by the belt loop, head tilting easily to the right. "yyyyyou."
her eyes droop as she falls victim to the familiar spell that you cast over her. one that starts with you taking her face in her hands, and bringing yourself close enough for to take in all at once. she's made dizzy by the smell of your conditioner, made defenseless by the familiar trace of your body wash radiating off of your skin.
"what're you looking at me for?" you grin, your hands hot on her cheeks as you stand between her legs.
"why wouldn't i wanna look at you?" hazel gently manages, hand finding comfortable purchase on your hips. she grips gently with admiration, fingertips pressing into sacred flesh of something, someone, who she couldn't believe is hers. "you're just so pretty."
but let's take a few steps back first,
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who meets you purely by coincidence. you don't go to fight club, and you don't do cheer. you don't have any classes together, you hardly even know of each other. you do, however, have to work concessions for football together one night.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who doesn't talk much, and honestly standing next to you feels kinda stupid with the bruise that she has on her cheek. she usually never really cares and she's usually super talkative -- she doesn't talk much because well.. she doesn't really know.. how to. how to talk to pretty people -- well, it's not like she finds you pretty, it's just.. anyways,
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who makes some dumb joke about athletes and you kind of snort.. and she's immediately charmed. hazel callahan who has a desire to keep you entertained, and continues to do so throughout the remainder of the game.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who actually is in your class, but, neither of you just really noticed. hazel callahan who sits next to you in the weeks following. who spends her free periods with you. who eats lunch with you. who eventually gets around to telling you about fight club, over turkey and rye sandwiches.
"so you just, like..." you take a break from chewing, tonguing some bread out of your back molar. "punch the shit out of each other, and it's school-sponsored?"
"...well, yeah. but in like a self-defense, queer way. bring people together, create some solidarity. a safe-space on campus for queer community, kind of thing."
"oh okay, so like, in a slay way," you revise.
hazel stares. scoffing out a gentle laugh. "uh... yeah.." hazel furrows her brows, shaking her head. "um.. what does that.. what does that, like, mean?"
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who becomes your best friend.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who really likes you. like, as a person.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who likes you maybe a little bit too much.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who doesn't know how to embroider, so when you embroidered her converse -- creating a wreath of vines, speckled with bright little flowers around the all star symbol -- she was so happy. but she felt so bad because she didn't know how to repay you.
"let me make it up to you?" she insists, fingers playing with your own, but not creating enough distraction to prevent you from protesting.
"what?" you scoff, subconsciously locking her hands with yours, as though you're about to declare a thumb war. "no, how?"
"i don't know! this is so nice, let me like..." hazel shrugs voice dropping timidly, "..take you out or something."
a beat passes, one that feels like forever. a large enough one to create space for all the butterflies to rumble around both of your stomachs, and for the elephant to pass through the room. hazel can't tell if it's your hand that's begun to sweat in your grasp, or if it's hers.
your eyes narrow at her, grin stretched into something cheshire as you shake your hand, and hers. "i think you just wanna take me out on a date."
hazel smiles sheepishly, cheeks flushing a bright flamingo. she shrugs, next words quiet and intentional,
"so what if i do?"
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan doesn't know how to embroider but she does have an eye for wildflowers. when the girl who shows up at your doorstep, it's with a dorky smile, a batch of spring, and a bandaid wrapped around her index finger and her thumb. the flowers that she biked about an hour north to pluck -- from a field she discovered after having simply gone too far -- are bunched together and wrapped in a trader joe's paper bag, the kind that her mom always leaves in the kitchen under the sink. she put the boquet together herself. spent too much time thinking about whether or not you would like the arrangement or the colors, probably went to the store to grab a few of your favorite flowers that she couldn't find.
"oh, these are for you. see, i tried to make this whole thing, like.. semi.. transactional. again, like, i don't really know how to embroider flowers, or like anything really, so... these were next best thing, i guess." she offers, as though it's nothing.
"you look.. really nice." hazel's eyes linger, stricken and dumb. she fills her lungs with air, huffing out her next sentence. "are yoooouuu.. ready to go?"
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who thinks that star signs mean nothing, and doesn't know jackshit about crystals or anything of the like. but hazel callahan who is all eyes and ears, criss-cross-apple-sauce with you on her floor, as she watches you knock your knuckles on a deck of tarot cards and shuffle through them for what you called a "semi unreliable, two-card reading."
hazel callahan who jumps a little when two cards fly out from the deck. who furrows her eyebrows when you turn the over. an the lovers and two of cups, both upright.
"what..." she snorts. "what does that mean?"
"um.." she watches you blush. "it means.." and she blushes when your eyes linger on hers, and then look up. feels her stomach flutter when she watches you take a deep breath in through your nose, like you're shuffling through all of the words in your head.
"...let's just saaaaayyyy... nnnew connections might be coming your way, soon."
hazel has no fucking idea what that means, looking at you, she surely could hope that that's true.
...
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who is shocked that you want to like.. have a sleepover with her. this doesn't really happen to her. like at all. but it's happening with you, so she's down.. but it has to be planned. hazel callahan pulls out all the stops to try to make sure that it's.. well, perfect, she guesses? she makes sure that it's on a weekend where her mom is out of town (not even because she wants to do anything but you know how her mom is). she asks you what all of your favorite snacks are beforehand, and offers to go get more if you run out. she makes sure that you have satin pillowcases if you have textured hair, just in case you forget a bonnet, or anything. probably does that regardless of whether or not that's applicable to you, because she hears it's better for your skin and what not. she gets a weighted blanket for you and some extra pillows + takes out an extra throw if she knows that you get cold easily, or damn near strips her bed down to just one comforter and gets a desk fan to face her bed if she knows that you get too hot.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who you create a shared movie list with, and who will sit with you and watch all of your favorite movies. all of your least favorite movies. will watch movies that you insist that she must see and will do so with very little fight because it's whatever you want, really. hazel callahan who is very quickly realizing that she would do whatever you wanted, as long as it meant that it got you to smile.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 (hazel callahan who, granted, talks through a lot of those fucking movies. like. hazel callahan who has a really fucking hard time paying attention to movies.)
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who clearly has overthought everything. who laughs at and understands all of your dumb jokes and is always a little shocked when you laugh at hers. who lets you rest your head on her shoulder when you watch movies in her home-theater. who lays with you in her bed and compares your tiktok for you page with hers and finds it a little too easy to poke fun of you. finds it not as easy to remain calm when your head rests comfortably on her chest, and thus hopes to god that all of the cringy tiktok audios are masking the sound of her heart beating out of her chest.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who looks at you when you mention that it's getting late, and insists that there's a guest room if you wanna sleep in there, or an air mattress that she was supposed to blow up.
"it's too late for that, though." you frown.
"no," hazel, being hazel, is quick to reassure, shaking her head. "no, no, i could totally blow it up. we have an automated pump, it'll take like 20 minutes."
"mm, i don't know, it's still kinda late for all of that..."
hazel blinks at you. her eyebrows raise, corners of her lips gently upturning. "okay. i mean, do you wanna take the guest room?"
you look up at her, eyes big on purpose. "that guest room's kinda scary." you lift a brow. "it's dark. and cold."
hazel thinks she might.. be tripping. she has to be. her blink is slow, and her face knots together, and releases -- the way it does when she gets all timid and indecisive. "o..kay..." she grins nonetheless, furrowing her eyebrows. "so then .. where are you gonna sleep?"
"..i mean.." you burn, and so does she. "...i could just sleep here with you?"
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who can't help but feel girlish and vulnerable laying in her bed with you, her stomach tied in knots over how there is nothing usual about this situation. fully seeing you in your pajamas. feeling the gentle flesh of your bare calves rub against hers. being within such close proximity of you that she can still smell the lingering remnants of soap on your skin from your shower.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who dares to let her finger dance on your upper bicep, but that's just about it, really.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who only nudges closer only when you nudge closer. who only lowers her voice, when you lower your voice. who only holds eye contact when you start it, but is always the first to look away.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who falls into a trap: eye contact held after some conversation that did not, and does not matter. she follows your eyes down, chocolate eyes focusing on the arch of your cupids bow. she does tilt her head up to find her nose nudging softly against the underside of yours. she doesn't know how you two got this close. hazel callahan who feels her hands grow sweaty, feeling your breath linger over her the chap of her lips. who nearly stiffens when she feels your hand press into her back, but instead arches into the crevice your body makes and presses her palm against your hip.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who does what she thinks she's supposed to do, and kisses you -- soft and gentle, like the whispers that fluttered over both of your lips earlier. brief, and endearing.
her lips stick to yours, and then her lips press into yours. and then her lips open when yours do, and her hand tightens on you when yours does.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who has no fucking idea what she's doing. like, seriously. she kind of knows -- i mean, okay, yeah, she knows how to kiss, but this is, like.. not just a kiss. hazel's kisses are brief. gentle, maybe a little slow. never this deep. hazel callahan who forgets herself when her fingers weave through your hair. hazel callahan who doesn't recognize the way her breath shakes in your throat when your fingers ambitiously sift through her thick, black locks and pull.
hazel callahan whose lips slot over yours, and unlock. who leans forward when you lean back, and is almost nearly on top of you.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who doesn't know what to do with her hand, so she puts it everywhere. glides it over your side, presses it over the expanse of your lower back. who smooths her hand under your shirt and marvels in the way your skin burns against her palm. who itches to explore, traversing over your stomach, venturing up, up, and up--
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who stops dead in her tracks when you hum something sour in her mouth and grab her wrist. who looks at you stunned with parted lips as you softly shake your head against hers.
"not yet," you pant, opening your eyes to look at her. "not yet."
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who bats her lashes, dizzy with affection yet sobered from your action. she knows how you sound. not like you're rejecting her, but like you're admitting something, which you.. might be. something that she understands. regardless, she understands.
but she burns bright with embarrassment, stomach rattling with a guilt that crawls up her throat and wraps around it, tightening and tightening...
"yeah," she manages a whispers after a while. somehow, it's still raspy. "yeah, okay.."
"okay.."
"...m'sorry--"
"don't be," you shake your head. "keep kissing me."
you rush, and it's kind of just in time. whatever stinging was lingering in her chest subsides as you bring yourself closer, lips softly capturing her lower lip in affirmation after hazel just stares at you.
hazel callahan who blinks, oscillating between consciences, dazed and a little confused. she's cautious and readjusted, her hand only lingering over your side as she whispers a faint "are you sure..?"
the sentence dissolves when on the tip of hazel's tongue when her lips find yours again, at your action, which is her answer. hazel callahan who listens. who lets you take her hand and place it somewhere that feels more comfortable, somewhere that's right and yet still sensual.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who is wiped, but intentional with every kiss that either you or her leads, every swipe of her lips over your jaw, every tender kiss that you let her place against the stretch of your neck.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who will admire within her bounds. kissing you, and drowning in you until she is simply too sleepy to continue. until she is dizzy and feels comfortable enough to nuzzle her face somewhere into the crook of you, breathing you in until you become a part of her dreams,
and she will wake -- in the morning, and in the middle of the night -- only to have a hard time believing that she isn't still dreaming.
...
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who kind of has to get used to.. all of it. who crushes, even though she's already "achieved," so to speak. who grins at her phone when she's texted, who finds any excuse to facetime you and keep you on the line -- sometimes just so that she can look at you. who finds any excuse to be around you.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who you can't get rid of once you go both go to college. who facetimes you whenever, who visits you on weekends. who comes into your space and steals all of your sweatshirts and your pajama pants and of course, all of your spare time.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel "no, i can make that for you" callahan who can't embroider, but can crochet. she will buy you that jellycat that you really want, a hundred percent. hazel callahan will also greet you with a fucked up rendition of said stuffed animal that you wanted (giving jamdog, perhaps) and furrows her eyebrows when you have to hide your laugh with your hand.
"what?" she asks, grin dulling only for a moment. "do you not like it?"
"no it's--" you cover your mouth. "it's perfect." you cackle. when you cup her cheeks, all the worry and fear of judgement fades. sort of. at least enough. "you're perfect, babe. i love it."
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who does, in fact, keep a picture in her wallet of her lover, ready at all times. hazel callahan who weaves her lover into casual conversation.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who still doesn't really understand figure of speech all that well so when you say things like "i wish you could just come over," she literally goes "..well like, i could,"
and then proceeds to make like, a three hour drive.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who keeps the picture that you hate of yourself as her lockscreen and it's not to spite you, it's because she thinks you're beautiful, and she has no idea what you're talking about.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who figures out what names you like to be called by throwing everything at a wall and seeing that sticks. pretty. handsome. lover. angel. baby. and when she does find one, one that makes you blush just about as hard as she does every time you even look in her direction, she holds it over your head to high heavens. makes it your contact name. uses it to punctuate reassuring sentences, when she greets you, when she tells you goodnight.
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who gets to take you on real dates, and gets excited to. who gets giddy when you get ready. who gets to fix your hair and come up behind you when you take mirror selfies once you're finished. who now feels comfortable enough to place her hands at the mid-point of your waist and let them venture toward your frontside while she rests her chin on your shoulder, and leans in to kiss your cheek. who tells you you smell nice, and makes you smile when she buries her face into some part of you and literally just goes rahhhh!!!!
ღ*♡∞:。.。 hazel callahan who is also stuck sometimes, in moment such as these, watching the wonder who she has had a crush on since high school -- jesus, has it really been that long? -- with gentle eyes and a completely disarmed disposition.
hazel callahan who is honestly such a fucking loser -- like, literally, loser-since-birth, no-hope-since-middle-school, gay-haircut-and-new-repotoire-can't-save-you, loser, and can't help but ponder and marvel over how someone like you is in her hands. in her face. in her life.
"m'not that pretty," you insist, fingers weaving through her hair, nails etching at hazel's scalp in a way that hazel has grown to like. love, even.
her eyes flicker over your face, smile lopsided and eyes heavy like despite everything, you don't even know the half of it. she scoffs, voice hardly above a whisper,
"yeah no, you are so much more than pretty."
758 notes
·
View notes
the cross fic made me realize there's not enough tech angsty fanfics
how about a groveling tech trying to get femreader back like they were an item before order 66 tech broke things off, they reunite with the batch later but reader became a very sad person after all that time
an i lied because i thought you deserved better so i pushed you away situation ?
sorry if it's a long ask 😅 first timer here
I like your writing 💕
No worries! I love a detailed prompt.
Writing angst for Tech was harder than I thought it would be tbh. I think his direct communication style and self confidence make it especially difficult, so I took a slight detour here that I feel is more true to his character.
Piece by Piece
Pairing: Tech x fem!Reader
Words: 5,630
Tags/Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, allusions to torture, PTSD
Summary: Pushing you away was the logical decision. It was the right choice. But Tech never expected it to hurt so much, nor did he expect to reunite with you months after the rise of the Empire, broken and haunted by your time spent in Imperial custody. Now, he's determined to make things right.
Being in the same room as you is exceedingly difficult in a way Tech didn’t expect.
It’s been weeks since you returned, appearing like a vision from the Force to them, alive, and he still can’t quite believe it. His hands shake slightly when you look at him, his mouth goes dry. He still wants to reach out to you, hold you tight and never let you go, and it is agony to resist, to stand by your side and not be able to touch you.
You were the one who asked for space, time to readjust to being around them again. And he has respected that, despite the desperate, possessive urge to pull you back, to keep you close so you never leave his side again.
It makes it hard to concentrate. Hard to be of any use at all, really.
Tech knows this isn't healthy, the way his mind and body and emotions are behaving, but he is finding it difficult to control. He has a lot of feelings that he isn’t sure what to do with, a lot of emotions that he doesn't understand. Tech isn't one for emotional outbursts, for being ruled by his heart and not his mind. He is rational, logical, always thinking of the most efficient solution to a problem, the most practical way of doing things.
It’s what lead him to break it off with you, after all. He couldn’t afford to have his head in the clouds when so much is on the line, couldn't afford to be distracted by thoughts of you when they could be used against him.
But then you were gone, and Tech was left alone with only the cold reality of his own decisions.
He thought he had made the right choice. Thought he had been logical and sensible, thought it would hurt you less in the long run, if he pulled away. But Tech doesn't feel very sensible now, and it doesn't seem very logical that the best way to protect you would be to push you away.
You have been hurt more than enough. And even if you don't want him in your life anymore, even if you want nothing to do with him, he will never forgive himself for not trying to help.
The fact is, Tech isn’t sure what you want, but he is determined to make amends, to help in any way that he can. It might hurt, might cause him to feel pain at the distance between you, but he is willing to accept that, to live with it if that is what you need.
What he isn’t willing to live with is seeing you unhappy. And you are unhappy.
Your eyes are dark, hollow. Your face is drawn and gaunt, cheeks too thin, and when he sees you, your shoulders are slumped as though under an impossible weight. You barely eat, you barely sleep. Tech watches as you push food around your plate and drink only water. He notices how you keep to yourself, avoid talking and laughing and joking like you used to, and he hates that you have changed so much, that the Empire has taken that joy from you.
And that, more than anything, is what hurts him the most. The Empire took your light, the thing that makes you, you. They ripped your spark away and left a shell behind, and he is struggling to reconcile that with the bright and lively woman he knew, the woman who had such a profound effect on him.
"On all of us," Echo points out one night, as the rest of them watch you sitting alone.
Echo has become increasingly vocal about his feelings, something Tech is glad for. It gives him a chance to understand better, to gain perspective, and Echo has been the one to notice what Tech can't admit, the thing he isn't willing to think about, the thing that hurts the most.
You're suffering, and you're pushing them away.
At first, it seemed reasonable. You were gone a long time, and they hadn’t seen you. It made sense that you needed space.
But time has passed, and you're still not yourself.
Tech thinks back to your first night, how you flinched away from his touch, and realises how foolish he has been. He sees now how much he was hurting you, how much damage his words and actions were causing, and his heart breaks a little more.
It was never about protecting you. Not really.
Tech wanted you. He wanted you for so long, and when he finally had you, he was terrified of losing you. So, he pulled away. He cut ties, and told himself it was for the best.
Except now he has no ties to cut, no bonds left to sever. You're here, but not, and his chest aches as he watches you.
This isn't the way it should be.
Tech should be holding you, and you should be smiling. He should be telling you how much he loves you, how happy he is to have you back. He should be making sure you're comfortable and safe, ensuring that you have everything you need, everything you deserve.
Instead, he stands in the corner of the room, watching silently as his brothers try to coax you into eating, or drinking, or just saying something. Omega is the only one who is successful, who manages to make you smile.
Tech can't understand it. He tries his hardest, he does his best, and you always turn away.
And the more he tries, the more he feels the ache inside him grow, the more his feelings change, twisting and turning and growing, and he can't keep track of what's happening to him. All he knows is that the idea of losing you is the worst thing he can imagine, and the idea of being without you is becoming unbearable.
He doesn't know how much more he can take.
You've been avoiding him.
No, not avoiding. You've been staying away.
Or maybe, you've been ignoring him.
“She's not talking to me,” Tech admits one evening.
He's curled up in the corner of the cockpit, legs pulled up, head buried in his arms. The rest of the Batch have dispersed, going off to their own bunks to rest or to tinker or to read. Tech is usually the last to retire, but not tonight.
Tonight, his shoulders are slumped and his goggles are pushed up onto his head. He's been scrubbing at his face with the heels of his palms for the past few minutes, trying to work through the thoughts and emotions swirling in his mind.
You're not talking to him.
And yes, maybe it's because you're not talking to any of them, but it still feels personal.
You're not talking, not laughing, not doing anything, really. You’re just there, a shadow of your former self, a ghost.
Tech misses the woman who used to laugh and tease him, the one who could always bring a smile to his face and a blush to his cheeks. The woman who was a whirlwind of color and life, the one who lit up his world and made him see things differently. Who kissed him so deeply and passionately that it felt like his entire world was reduced down to the feel of her lips. He misses her warmth, her kindness, the way she touched him, looked at him.
He misses the way he felt around her.
He misses you.
Tech doesn't know what to do. He can't stop thinking about you, can't stop thinking about what he's done, what he could have done.
What he should have done.
Maybe if he'd tried harder. Maybe if he hadn't given up, hadn't let go. Maybe if he had listened to Hunter, had heard Echo. Maybe if he'd told you the truth, he could have stopped this.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
He sighs, rubbing at his face. He feels miserable, and it's his own damn fault. He's the one who ended things, who pushed you away. And he can't blame you for that, not when it was him who decided that you weren't worth it.
That isn't to say that he didn't care. Of course, he cared. He cares now. So much it hurts.
You are the person he was in love with, the only one. But it didn't seem fair to ask you to share his life, his world, when he couldn't promise that it would always be safe, that it would always be stable. He couldn't give you a future, couldn't provide for you the way a proper partner should, the way you deserve.
He could give you the present, but he couldn't offer you anything else.
And yet, as Tech sits here, head in his hands, he can't help but think that he should have at least tried. If he'd told you how he felt, maybe things would have turned out differently.
“I only ever wanted you,” you had told him once, and Tech can't believe how stupid he was to let you slip through his fingers.
Tech isn't used to feeling helpless. He's used to knowing exactly what he's doing, to being in control. But when it comes to you, it's as if he's floundering. He doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to act, doesn't know what you want.
He’s tried everything, he's done everything he can, and still, you push him away.
You don't want his comfort. You don't want his love.
He doesn't understand it. You've always seemed happy around him, like his presence brings you some peace. But now, whenever he gets close, you move away. When he tries to talk, you turn your back. When he offers help, you shut him down.
Tech isn't sure why you won't accept his assistance, or why you won't talk to him. It doesn't make sense.
He can't understand, can't rationalize. And he's never felt so lost.
Tech groans, burying his face in his arms. He's being ridiculous, he knows, but he can't help the way he feels.
He misses you.
Tech misses the way your hand fits perfectly in his. He misses the smell of your hair, the softness of your skin, the sweetness of your lips. He misses the way your smile makes him feel like his heart is full, like he can take on the world, like he can conquer anything.
Tech misses the way your body feels against his. The way your fingers feel on his skin. The way your breath catches when he touches you, the way your heartbeat picks up, the way your pupils dilate.
Tech misses the way you made him feel alive.
Tech knows that he isn't worthy of your affection. He knows that he doesn't deserve your love. He's not a good man, not a good partner, not a good friend. He's not the kind of person who should have someone like you, and yet, somehow, you chose him.
But not anymore.
“I only ever wanted you.”
You said those words to him before, and they haunt him. You told him you didn't care about the risks, the dangers, the fact that he couldn't give you the future you deserve. All you cared about was him.
And he threw it away.
Tech isn't sure how long he sits there, wallowing in his misery. He doesn't move, doesn't speak. He just sits, and broods.
“Maybe she just needs time,” Echo says, though his voice sounds doubtful.
Tech shakes his head before pressing the heel of his palm into his forehead.
“She has made it clear that she doesn't wish to speak to me, or see me, or have anything to do with me."
The words sting as he speaks them. His throat is tight, and he swallows hard, trying to hold back the emotion.
"I doubt a little more time will change her mind."
There's a long silence.
Echo leans against the wall beside Tech, his arms folded. He's watching Tech carefully, his gaze piercing. Tech feels uncomfortable, and shifts, ducking his head. He doesn't like being scrutinized, doesn't like being vulnerable. He prefers to keep his emotions in check, his feelings close to his chest.
But he's finding it hard to hide them now, and his pain is obvious, even to himself.
“But she does,” Echo says finally.
Tech glances up, frowning. "Elaborate."
"She does want you," Echo clarifies, his voice gentle. "She loves you. She wouldn't have come back if she didn't.”
Tech doesn't want to admit it, but Echo has a point. If you didn't want anything to do with him, then you wouldn't have bothered to find him. You would have left, disappeared again, and never come back.
You wouldn't have risked your life for him.
Tech isn't sure if that makes him feel better, or worse.
Because it means that you do care, but it also means that you might be willing to sacrifice yourself, and Tech can't have that. He can't let you throw away your life, not for him.
Tech groans, burying his face in his hands. He's being selfish, and he knows it. You're the one who was captured, the one who suffered, the one who nearly died. And yet, all he can think about is how much it hurts.
He's been thinking about how much it hurts him. He hasn't been thinking about what you need.
"What should I do?" Tech asks, his voice small and defeated.
"Apologize," Echo replies simply.
"I have tried," Tech protests, lifting his head. "I have apologized countless times, and she does not want to listen. She doesn't want to speak to me."
"No," Echo corrects. "You've apologized for the wrong things."
"Wrong things?" Tech echoes, frowning.
"Yes, the wrong things," Echo repeats.
Tech isn't sure what Echo means by that, but his brother looks confident, sure of himself. Tech wants to believe him, but he doesn't know how. He's spent so long trying to convince himself that he did the right thing, that he did the only thing, that he can't help but doubt.
"How do I fix it?" he asks, voice quiet.
"That, I can't tell you," Echo replies. "But Tech, the first step is admitting that you were wrong."
Tech nods, letting his shoulders sag. He doesn't feel particularly good about the situation, but he's willing to try. It's not easy, admitting he was wrong. He's so used to being right, to having the answer, to knowing what's best. But when it comes to you, he has never felt so lost.
Tech thinks of the pain in your eyes, the way you flinched from him, the way you turned away.
He has to do better. He has to be better.
He has to earn your forgiveness.
"I was wrong," Tech says, his voice steady and sure. "And I'm going to make it right."
You're standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by medical supplies and overturned cots. Your face is pale, eyes wide and fearful, and Tech isn't sure what to do.
The voice of his brothers and Omega inside his head tell him you need space, but they also remind him that you need someone to look after you. That you need help. That you can't be alone.
Tech hesitates. He isn't used to this, the uncertainty, the not knowing what's best. He's never been particularly good at reading people, and even worse at knowing what they need.
He has never been more unsure than he is now.
He wants to help. He wants to take care of you, to make you feel safe, to give you what you need. But he's terrified of getting it wrong. Especially when you're standing in front of him looking like a startled animal.
You're shaking, and your breathing is fast and shallow. Your eyes are darting around the room, as if searching for something. Tech isn't sure what it is, or if it even exists. You look terrified, and Tech knows you have reason to be. The last time you were in a place like this, the Empire was holding you captive, and he can't blame you for feeling uncomfortable.
Tech has to suppress a shudder as he remembers the footage, the recordings they managed to get from the base. The screams, the cries. They haunted his dreams, and Tech can't even imagine what they did to you.
Tech wants nothing more than to run to you, to take you in his arms and promise that he will protect you. But he can't, not without permission.
Not when he isn't sure you'd even want him to.
So, instead, he stands there, watching. He keeps his distance, gives you the space you need. He's trying his best, but it isn't easy.
She just needs time, he tries to remind himself, but Tech isn't so sure.
He isn't sure if time is enough. He isn't sure if anything will ever be enough.
He watches as you stand there, your hands clenched into fists, your eyes still scanning the room. He watches as your breathing speeds up, your chest rising and falling rapidly. He watches as the panic spreads over your face, your lips pressed together, jaw tight.
You look scared, vulnerable, and Tech's heart breaks a little more.
“Cyare,” he calls out, as quiet and soothing as he can manage. You stiffen, and Tech curses himself for causing you discomfort.
He should have stayed quiet.
But then you turn, and your eyes meet his, and something inside him seems to settle.
You look so sad, so lost, and he can't help it. He walks over to you, careful and slow, making sure not to startle you. When he reaches you, he holds out his hand, palm up. He wants you to know that he is there for you, that he will not hurt you.
He will never hurt you again.
He waits, holding his breath. He's afraid that if he moves, if he speaks, you will run. So, he stands, motionless, watching as you stare at his hand.
Slowly, slowly, you reach out, your fingertips brushing his. The touch is gentle, tentative, and Tech is afraid to breathe.
Then, your hand closes around his, and he exhales.
Tech knows he's taking a risk, touching you, but he can't resist. He can't stand the thought of leaving you alone, the thought of not being able to help. He pulls you close, wrapping his arms around you. He doesn't know what else to do. He wants to hold you, to keep you safe.
He never wants to let you go.
You're shaking, your breath coming in shallow gasps. You're trembling, and Tech knows that this is a big step, that you're taking a chance. So, he holds you, and he waits.
Your body is tense, and Tech is worried that he's overstepped, that he's pushed you too far. But then, slowly, you relax. Your arms wrap around him, your head resting on his shoulder, and he can't help but sigh in relief.
The others are nearby, finishing a sweep of the facility. He should be helping, but he doesn't want to leave your side. Not when you're finally letting him be close to you.
So, he holds you, and he strokes your hair. He whispers quiet reassurances in your ear, tells you that everything will be alright, that he's got you, that you're safe.
He's not sure if you believe him, but he has to try.
He can't lose you again.
Tech is trying.
He's trying his best, but he feels like he's failing.
Every day, every hour, every minute, his mind is filled with thoughts of you.
He thinks about how you're doing, whether or not you're eating, sleeping. He thinks about the nightmares you have, the way your body shakes as you wake, pale and trembling, gasping for air.
He thinks about how his brothers can't seem to calm you, how only Omega is successful, her soft voice and gentle touch somehow bringing you some measure of peace.
Tech can't help but feel that it should be him. It should be him comforting you, not Omega. It should be him easing your pain, not his little sister.
It should be him.
He isn't sure why he can't seem to do anything right. After they left the facility, after you finally started letting him hold you, Tech thought things would get easier.
But they haven't.
You still seem so distant, so far away. You still refuse to eat, to sleep, to talk. And Tech isn't sure how much longer he can handle this.
He's frustrated. Frustrated at himself, at the Empire, at the galaxy. Most of all, he's frustrated at you. Not that he would ever admit it aloud.
You've been through a lot. More than anyone should have to go through. Tech understands that. But he can't help but feel that maybe, just maybe, if you'd been willing to accept his help earlier, things would have been different.
Tech doesn't mean it, not really. He doesn't think that it's your fault. He's just tired, and angry, and frustrated.
And, if he's being honest, he's a little jealous.
You trust Omega. You open up to her. But you won't even talk to him.
It hurts.
Tech has spent the past few weeks trying to make things right, to show you that he’s changed. But you seem unwilling to let him in, to let him help.
It's infuriating.
Tech knows he shouldn't feel this way, but he can't help it. You were his girlfriend, his partner, his lover. And now, you won't even look at him.
He's trying, but he feels like he's getting nowhere. He wants to help, wants to be there for you. But he can't do anything if you won't let him.
“I’m not sure if this is a good idea,” Omega says, her voice uncertain. Her feet swing over the edge of the bunk across from him, and her brow furrows. “Won’t she be mad?”
Tech sighs, running a hand over his face. He knows that Omega is worried, but he can't sit around any longer. He has to do something.
"She is already upset. I'm not sure anything else could make things worse."
Tech tries to sound convincing, but the truth is, he isn't sure what the consequences will be. He isn't sure what will happen, isn't sure if this is a good idea. But he has to try.
“If you’re sure,” Omega replies slowly.
Tech nods, trying his best to look confident.
"I'm sure."
He isn't.
"Okay."
Omega pulls out her datapad and types the message. Tech watches as she hits send, then lets out a shaky breath. She slides off the edge of the bunk and hurries down the ramp, leaving him alone.
Tech waits, his nerves growing with each passing second.
You are going to hate him for this, he's sure.
But he has to do it. He has to try.
"Tech?"
Your voice is quiet, uncertain. You're standing in the doorway, arms wrapped around yourself, and Tech feels his chest ache at the sight.
You're here.
You're actually here.
"Hello," he says quietly.
“Where’s Omega?” you ask, your voice sharp. You step forward, and the light catches your face. Tech can see the bags under your eyes, the paleness of your skin. You look tired, worn down, and he hates it.
Tech winces. "She's not here."
"Where is she?"
You sound panicked, and Tech doesn't blame you. The last thing he wants is to make you more stressed. But he needs to talk to you, and this is the only way.
"She is fine," Tech says, trying to sound reassuring. "I asked her to leave."
You narrow your eyes, taking another step toward him. You're still clutching your arms, as if you're trying to hold yourself together. Tech wants to reach out, to take your hands, but he knows you'll pull away.
“What do you want, Tech?” Your voice is harsh, but Tech doesn't mind. You're speaking to him, which is more than he's gotten out of you in days.
"I, ah, I wanted to talk," Tech replies, his tone hesitant.
"About what?"
Tech swallows, his throat suddenly dry. "About us."
You frown, folding your arms across your chest. "There is no 'us', Tech. There hasn't been for a long time. You made sure of that."
Your words are sharp, cutting, and Tech can't help but flinch. He deserves them, he knows. But it doesn't make the sting any less. He takes a deep breath, trying to find the words.
"I'm sorry," he says, his voice barely above a whisper. "I was wrong. I shouldn't have ended things."
You stare at him, eyes wide. Tech isn't sure if you're surprised, or just angry. He can't read you, not anymore. He isn't sure if he ever could. He's always felt a little bit of awe, a little bit of fear when it came to you. And now, more than ever, he feels completely lost.
"So why did you?" you ask, your voice tight.
Tech sighs, adjusting his goggles nervously. He's not sure how to answer that. He isn't sure if he even has an answer.
"I was... afraid," he admits, his voice low.
"Afraid of what?"
Tech shrugs, looking away. "Everything. The future, the war, losing you."
You don’t say anything, and Tech takes a deep breath, forcing himself to continue.
“I ran an exhaustive cost benefit analysis, and I had determined that the risks far outweighed the benefits. I could not continue our relationship knowing that I would most likely hurt you. In my mind, I needed to end things before they went any further. Before you were able to become attached.”
"I was already attached," you whisper, your voice cracking. "I was already in love with you."
Tech's heart stutters.
"You were?" he asks, his voice quiet.
You nod, biting your lip. Tech feels his stomach twist, a mixture of guilt and hope rising in him. You were in love with him. You are in love with him. And he has hurt you more than he ever thought possible.
"I was a coward," Tech says quietly. "I knew if we had gone any further, and I were to hurt you, it would have caused me immense emotional pain. And, in the process, I would have risked my ability to perform at optimal efficiency, and that would have resulted in harm to the rest of the squad."
Tech looks up, meeting your gaze. "I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't want to put the squad at risk. But in the end, I failed at both."
You frown, and Tech can tell that you're trying to understand.
"So, let me get this straight," you begin, your voice strained. "You broke up with me, because you thought it was the best option for everyone involved."
Tech nods, his expression pained.
“That’s not for you to decide, Tech. I can make my own decisions. And, I decided to be with you. But instead, you made the decision for both of us, and you didn't even bother to ask my opinion."
“I knew that if I had discussed it with you, you would have tried to convince me otherwise,” Tech explains, his voice soft. “And I wasn't certain I would be able to resist your arguments."
You shake your head, an incredulous look on your face. "So, basically, you dumped me because you couldn't trust yourself to make a logical decision?"
Tech's shoulders slump, and he nods, his head bowed.
"That is correct. It is also…” He looks at his hands, his expression pained. “For all of my unique modifications, I am still a clone. I am still expendable. But you, you are not. You are more important. You are special." He hesitates, swallowing hard. "You are irreplaceable."
Tech can see tears gathering in your eyes, and he feels a fresh wave of guilt wash over him. He never meant to hurt you, but it seems he has managed to do just that. And now, he doesn't know how to fix it.
"Tech, no." You shake your head. "You're not expendable. None of you are."
"That may be the case," Tech concedes. “But at the time I could not see a future in which the two of us could have a happy life together. Not with the way things were, not with the risk we faced. So, I chose the safest option."
"But we could have figured it out, Tech. We could have found a way."
Tech shakes his head, his expression weary.
"I was not willing to take the risk. I was not willing to gamble with your safety, with your happiness. It was a decision I had to make. For all of our sakes."
You are quiet for a moment, your expression thoughtful. Tech can see the pain in your eyes, the hurt and betrayal, and he wishes he could take it all away. He wishes he could erase his mistakes, undo his actions.
"You made the wrong choice," you say at last, your voice low.
"Yes, I did," Tech admits, his voice quiet. "I was wrong. About a great many things."
He looks up, his gaze meeting yours.
"But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I'm serious, that I want to fix things."
"Why?"
"Because I love you," Tech says, his voice breaking.
Your eyes widen, and you suck in a breath. Tech can see the surprise in your expression, the shock. He knows you didn't expect him to say it, to admit it. But it's the truth. And Tech can't hide it any longer. He can't pretend.
He has to be honest. Even if it means losing you.
"I love you," he repeats, his voice stronger this time. "I always have. I've never stopped. I didn't think I was capable of loving anyone, not like this. But, you changed that." He pauses, swallowing hard. "I don't want to lose you, cyare. Not again. Not ever."
"Tech."
You say his name softly, your voice cracking. Tech can see the tears welling in your eyes, and his chest aches. He wants to take you in his arms, wants to kiss away the pain, but he knows he can't. He knows he has to let you decide. He has to let you choose.
You step forward, and his breath hitches in his chest. You're so close, so near, and Tech wants nothing more than to hold you. But he doesn't. He stays where he is, waiting.
You reach out, your hand cupping his cheek, and Tech leans into the touch, savoring the warmth of your skin. You're looking at him, your eyes searching his, and Tech hopes that you can see the truth in them, the sincerity. He hopes that you can feel how much he loves you, how much he needs you.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs, his voice breaking.
You nod, and he can see the tears streaming down your cheeks. Tech wants to wipe them away, but he doesn't move. He stays where he is, watching you, waiting. You're still staring at him, and Tech feels a flicker of hope bloom in his chest.
"I'm sorry, too," you whisper, your voice raw. "I'm sorry I shut you out. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry for everything."
You pause, biting your lip. "I love you, Tech. I never stopped. And, I don't want to lose you, either."
Tech's heart swells, and he can't stop the tears that come, or the smile that spreads across his face. You're looking at him with such tenderness, with such love, that he can't help but reach for you, pulling you close, wrapping his arms around you, holding you tight. You melt into his embrace, your arms winding around his waist, your face buried in his chest.
Tech can feel your tears, wet against his skin, and he runs a hand through your hair, trying to soothe you. You cling to him, your grip almost desperate, and Tech feels his heart break a little more.
You've been through so much, endured so much pain, and he was part of it. He was responsible for it. And he doesn't know how to make it better. He doesn't know how to take away the hurt, the betrayal, the fear. All he can do is hold you, and promise to never let you go.
"Cyare," he breathes, his voice choked with emotion. "You will never lose me. I am yours. Always."
And then, you lift your head, and his eyes meet yours, and Tech can't stop the surge of emotion that rushes through him. You're so beautiful, so perfect, and he can't believe how lucky he is.
You're the best thing that has ever happened to him, the only thing that has ever made him feel alive. And now, here you are, in his arms, telling him you love him. It's everything he's ever wanted, everything he's dreamed of. And it's real. You're real. You're here. And you're his.
"I love you," Tech whispers, and then he leans in, capturing your lips with his.
The kiss is soft, gentle, filled with everything he's feeling, everything he can't say. And when you pull away, Tech's heart skips a beat, and he wonders how he ever thought he could live without you.
"I love you," you whisper back, and Tech can't stop the smile that spreads across his face, the tears that sting his eyes. He holds you tight, and the world seems to fade away, leaving just the two of you.
He's never letting you go again.
193 notes
·
View notes