#thinking abt how I always share my cultures food with a friend

[mypartoftown]

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[adminlunata]

I think imma make a post abt myself bc why not! This is my blog *Villan laugh*

Anyway, Im Admin Luna! I also go by Terry or Terrylu.

Im 21! 🎉

That said, my blog/tumblr acc is gonna be 18+ MINORS DNI!!

Im a bi+bigender person, pronouns: they/she/he

Im Hispanic/Native 🇲🇽

Im into LOTS OF THINGS, and I've always wanted to share those things so my blog might be a mess of a lot of things! :3 Also, I might do a lot of self inserts, so if u dont like that. Then SKIDADLE!!

Intrests:

Art, (like all of em) I started drawing again recently after abt a 3yr break, both digital and traditional! Currently trying to learn nsfw art its reaaally hard 😭😭 but yall get to see my failed attempts lol. Also trying to start up a small jewelry business. I like beads and shiny jewelry. I also want to retry watercolor and acrylic painting, maybe try playing with pastels :p Pottery is cool, and so is glass work!! Im sure there are other art media im missing, but eh.

Books/reading, I LOVE READING. I've been in love with it since i learned that i could read cool stories, lol. Uh, I might try bookbinding in the foreseeable future. Might try to write again too.

Plants, I used to work as a florist! So, I've gotten into flower arranging. Might post old arrangements ive done, maybe learn to draw new ones instead since flowers are expensive 😅 Im also super interested in foraging and gardening, thanks Warriors and later SDV I just need to learn more abt identifying local edible plants and mushies before I try eating anything. I grew my first tomato plants and Marigold flowers this year!

Cosplay/sewing, I've always wanted to try cosplay, but I've found it a bit expensive to perform, so it might be a bit till then. But i have plenty of time to learn to sew, I'm also trying to learn to embroidery since it's part of my culture, and it's pretty.

Games, Im mostly a cozy gamer as much as id like to be good at fps i have 0 aim, that said it hasnt stopped me from playing OW. But typically play Minecraft, SDV, forager, terreria, ow, genshin, pokemon and zelda. I also rlly rlly RLLY want to try DnD but idk how anything works lol and my friends are too busy to start a campaign, im also too shy to join an online one so 🤷

Food, i LOVE cooking its such a pleasant chore i dont consider it a chore anymore lol. Im still trying to learn to bake tho? Its rlly difficult but I've managed to master my choco cookies 🍪

I think thats all! Thanks for reading this far, i will continue to add to it if i remember something else im into lol. And learn how to make things pretty in tumblr enjoy your stay!

[neurodiversebones]

i'm sorry you're having a hard time :( recovery is tough, but i believe in you! if you're comfortable, do you wanna share your recovery headcanons for those characters?

i hope things get better for you soon 💖 you've got this!

thank you !!! i hope things get easier soon as well bc . hhh !!! this is a Lot !!! you are so sweet <33 as for the headcanons i would be Delighted to share them (i am always so nervous to talk abt ed hc's , even if it's recovery related bc i am So Scared of being accused of romanticizing it 😭) . obvious tw for ed's below the cut !

cam :

in recovery from anorexia (AN-R) !

she is like me frfr in that recovery is a Long road for her . she's struggled for a long time, and so recovery is kind of a lifelong process rather than something she can simply Finish and be okay

her ocd has contributed a lot to her ed, and so ed recovery goes hand in hand with ocd recovery. with this, her anxiety starts to go down a Lot !

she has . a lot of guilt pertaining to her ed . guilt over having it, guilt over getting better, guilt over literally Everything . this is something she is Working On in therapy but boy is it a big hurdle

she . really never learned how to cook much , and so something that is helping her associate food with Good Times is learning how ! arastoo is teaching her a lot- these are her favourite nights, being in the kitchen with him and learning how to make something new. he shares his cultural dishes with her and she is so excited about this <3 (she is still not a very good cook because that is just how cam Is . takeout girlie for life .)

brennan :

in recovery from arfid ! as well as orthorexic tendencies

her arfid is specifically related to both sensory issues (hello fellow autistic arfid havers) and trauma (foster care = unreliable access to food)

trying new things is really hard for her- she has a very strict list of foods she eats and has very rarely strayed from that over the years. it takes a few tries before actually being able to eat something new- she needs to be able to look at it, feel the texture, experience the smell and other sensations that come along with it .

her arfid did go generally unnoticed because her safe foods would be considered "atypical"- she doesn't eat highly processed or packaged foods, and almost all of her safe foods are considered "health foods" (thank you orthorexia) .

booth tries new things with her- when she challenges a fear food, he'll try one of her "healthy" foods that he usually wouldn't be a fan of . it helps her to recognize that balance is both possible and healthy , and they are both finding new things they enjoy ! she learned that she rlly enjoys popcorn and sour candy , and he is surprisingly into quinoa now

hodgins :

recovering from ednos / osfed !

his ed was very heavily based in his gender dysphoria , so being able to transition has helped a LOT . a big part of why he recovered was so he could get top surgery without it posing a risk to his health

[SEASON 3 AND SEASON 11 SPOILERS HERE] trauma also plays a big part- he really, really struggled after zack was sent away, as well as after his accident . it's a coping mechanism for him- so in times of stress, he's prone to turn back and relapse

his relationships with others help- his love for angela, his love for his kids, his love for his friends at work- they all keep him grounded and give him something to live for. he wants to be around as long as possible to spend more time with them <3

angela is literally the most patient EVER and it makes him feel so loved and supported (tbh . i have angela headcanons too but my brain is telling me that's Too Many . let me know if u wanna hear those too .)

[TRIGGER WARNING : SH MENTION] he is also in recovery from sh and is almost a year clean which is such a win jack hodgins so cool era

that is all !!!!! i Think about them a lot because all of the bones characters are my comfort characters , so thinking abt them dealing w the stuff i am helps me through a Lot . i love these guys so much they deserve the world

[bcdwhcre]

i’m not too sure about how some Japanese style weddings go now, but can u write something for sasuke having to remove to garter from underneath the s/o gown on their wedding day. although i also think he would a be shy abt it.

“Special Day,” Sasuke x Fem!Reader

Summary: How your wedding with Sasuke would go.

Warnings: none!

A/N!!!! I don’t know anythinnnnng about Japanese weddings and I’m not going to sit here and embarrass myself or disrespect their culture in any type of way so I’m going to keep this as just a modern wedding if that’s fine with you guys! If needed, I could definitely educate myself on it and write another version! Ty ty.

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The wedding day had came around extremely quickly, making the nerves bottle up inside of you even more than before. You were convinced Sasuke would run out on you or not bother to show up at the venue at all but it was only your anxiety talking.

You knew just how much he loved you and how confident he was in marrying you and even though he wasn’t big on romance, he had made sure to make the proposal as special as he could, you deserved that much.

As the morning and afternoon went by shifty, you were now standing in front of him at the end of the aisle in a big dress. Sasuke was pretty good on holding in his emotions but at the sight of you, he couldn’t help but tear up and wonder how he ended up getting lucky for someone to stick around and deal with him.

Your eyes had watched his shaky hands slip the ring up your finger, making you laugh quietly under your breath as you done the same thing, feeling his thumb brush over your knuckles as his head turned to make eye contact with you.

The butterflies that had exploded inside of your stomach felt almost like it could make you faint. It was such an overwhelming feeling that you had but it was all pure happiness and bliss.

“You may kiss your bride.”

Those words you’ve been waiting for felt like heaven and the way his hands had instantly grab a hold of you and his soft lips smash onto yours like he hadn’t kissed you in years.

He truly felt like he waited forever to do this and it felt like the ceremony was already extremely long but he was more than happy to let you have your way with the wedding, knowing your dream was for it to be big and extravagant.

You could hear your friends and family cheering and clapping, making you pull away with a flushed face and he set his fingers on your chin, pecking your lips one last time before holding your hand to walk back down the aisle as now a married couple.

It felt surreal to Sasuke, it felt like he was in some kind of dream that he was about to wake up from any minute but your hand giving his hand gentle squeezes, it reassured him that this was reality.

“I love you.” He blurted out, making your eyes move up to his and you could see the admiration written across his face as he stared down at you.

“I love you, always.”

The night had went on, you both had shared your first dance, you both had cut the cake, ate the food and took plenty of photos with not only each other but with everyone who had came to your wedding.

It was very long but eventful evening but once it came to the removing the garter underneath your dress, Sasuke had tried convincing you to not do it because of how awkward it was going to be.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun!” You tried to reassure him, reaching up to brush your fingertips along his cheek and he shook his head.

“I don’t know, me putting my head under your dress and go between your legs in front of everyone just makes me feel nervous. Shouldn’t we save that for tonight? When we’re alone?” He was confused on this lame tradition that you wanted to do so desperately.

He felt as if there wasn’t a point to do it and he felt embarrassed even thinking about being that explicit in front of their family and friends just to bite down on a piece of fabric and tug it off your legs.

It sounded a little too sexual to do in the middle of the dance floor but you insisted it was only fun and games, everybody does it at their weddings but it still didn’t make him feel comfortable.

“Do you trust me?” You asked him, reaching your hand out to grab a hold of his and he nodded slowly.

“Of course I do, what kind of question is that.”

“Then trust me when I say that it’s harmless and it’s just a game. No need to be nervous or embarrassed.” He huffed out a breath as he listened to your words and finally gave in.

It didn’t take long for you to be seated on a chair in the middle of the dance floor, watching his eyes go wide once he kneeled down in front of you. Soon his cheeks started to turn a dark shade of red as he looked up at you.

You started to encourage him, trying to ease up his nerves and it helped enough for him to somewhat lift up your dress for him to stick his head underneath and latch onto the thin piece of fabric that wrapped around your thigh.

Your friends were already tipsy enough to start cheering Sasuke on, especially Naruto who screamed at him to get it like there was a time limit. Once he had managed to pull it off your leg, his face was now red hot from and he quickly stood up.

“That was embarrassing.” He mumbled, making a laugh escape your lips while wrapping your arms around him tightly.

“You did great! Stop being so shy.” You mumbled, planting soft kisses on his hot cheeks, making him roll his eyes playfully.

Sasuke would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the activities for tonight. He was never a big social person when it came to big events, he was hardly social at all but being here tonight, getting married to you and interacting with everyone made him all bubbly and giddy inside.

He couldn’t help but feel the burst of excitement and happiness inside of his chest. It was such a new and fresh feeling for him, it felt good but at the same time he didn’t want to show or admit it, he liked keeping his calm cool and collected attitude to show how unbothered he could be.

But as he watched your face light up and beam with happiness tonight from being able to have your dream wedding, everything was worth it, everything was worth dealing with for you.

He didn’t care about anything else, he was just grateful to be able to give someone like you amazing things such as this.

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Short but sweet, idk tried to make him as flustered as possible. Hope it somewhat went good.

I’m still getting back into this writing thing, I’m hoping I’m not fucking it up all over again sheesh

• Naruto Masterlist •

• Main Masterlist •

[wearethewinx]

Talk abt endgame daphne 👁 I read ur post abt it way back but i would like more esp since i am a huge sucker for corruption arcs bc they’re so rare esp for ”nice” characters

hey did u know that i love u and ur the backbone of this fandom? bc u are. and i’m not just saying that bc ur willfully subjecting urself to more of my awful writing

as always i managed to make this six times longer than it needed to be so ✂️✂️✂️

She definitely doesn’t start out bad. Daphne’s parents were loving, and they raised her to be kind. Also an expert weaponsmith, diplomat, speaker of six languages, dancer, portrait artist, doting big sister, and patriot. She spends the first 20ish years of her life as not just the crown princess of the most fertile planet in the universe, but basically a fleshbound demigoddess, keeper of the greatest power in all of creation, responsible for taking the entire magic dimension into Domino’s fold

It’s a responsibility she gives her life for. Daphne’s last act is to save the two things most precious to her in the world: her infant sister, and Domino’s legacy. Obviously there’s no time to consciously think about what that will mean for Bloom, but on some level Daphne believes their empire will be restored. The dragon flame will manifest again, somewhere in the multiverse, and Bloom will claim her birthright and take up conquering in her free time

When she starts talking to Bloom as a curse ghost, that fantasy isn’t immediately shattered. It takes nearly a year for her to start understanding who Daphne even is, and another year to develop a modicum of control over the flame. Disappointing, but understandable. Daphne is more than content to talk to her baby sister in the brief moments they have, to guide her and see her growth. Her anxiety slowly fades, which is good, a ruler should be confident, and she shows great interest in her heritage, also good. She’s sweet and determined and has their mother’s fiery hair and their father’s blazing blue eyes, and Daphne aches with love and pride

That pride is compounded when Bloom finds a way to break her curse. No longer a demigoddess, but back in the world of the living, Daphne starts to piece together more of what happened to their world. Domino is long dead, the planet itself a frozen husk, and nymphs haven’t ruled the cosmos in millennia. Her glorious culture is long forgotten, the weapon that she forged in the hands of a lesser princess. And sure, she likes Stella, both as an individual and for Bloom’s sake, but she’s not fit to rule. Aisha is more serious and studious, but she has no ancestral power, Flora is a commoner with ideas above her station, Musa seems to disapprove of monarchy in general, and Tecna? Unempathetic, steely, no connection whatsoever with nature, she’s a disgrace to fairies. They, and the entire magic dimension, need a strong hand to guide them 

Another year passes, and Bloom’s power is growing by the day. She has admirable control over the flame, given the time she’s had to train, and she has strength, confidence and verve. Daphne starts teaching her to forge the way their mother did, glowing hands against glowing steel, as well as the fighting styles of Domino. She tells her about how their planet came to be. How the Great Dragon created the planets, and that Domino was its final masterpiece and resting place, giving rise to their civilization, youngest but greatest, and their people, chosen and favored. Bloom learns all of Domino’s cultural dances, the fashion, the food (ok, the food that Daphne can remember, she never set foot in a kitchen in her life) the religion and art and music, the conquests

Bloom... doesn’t share Daphne’s feelings about Solaria gaining its independence from Domic occupation, but she does ask Stella about ‘repatriating’ the spear. It doesn’t go over well. Increasingly frustrated with Bloom’s apathy to the state of the magic dimension with no one to guide it, Daphne starts searching for ways to sow life on their shattered planet once again. This, at least, Bloom seems amicable to, which is good because using the dragon flame is the only way they’ll have a prayer, and in the meantime they both start looking for lost flame artifacts like the spear of Solaria. People without knowledge of the dragon flame aren’t fit to wield it, after all

The winx’s Quest Of The Season becomes finding those artifacts, but for the first time, Stella finds it difficult to support her best friend. She has no interest in returning her spear to the people who tried to overthrow her planet, and she’s pretty sure nobody else will want to either, but the first couple artifacts they find are long lost or forgotten, not in anybody’s hand, so it’s fine, I guess? (note to self maybe the dragon flame artifacts in question wind up being conveniently thematic to each of the winx and they can wield them later? or maybe bloom forges weapons for all of them)

The artifacts get harder to find, and some of them... the winx aren’t comfortable with what it takes to get them

For a while Bloom defends her sister. She loves her, she wants her planet, their planet back, their culture, the stories that enchanted her, she wants them all made flesh again. But Daphne keeps pushing for the spear, and some of the things she says... she can tell Flora is getting sick of it, and Aisha and Tecna don’t leave their feelings up to guesswork. After a blowout fight with Musa about Daphne’s sense of superiority and disregard for the autonomy of others, Bloom is at the end of her rope. Stella isn’t interested in fielding her shit anymore. If this endeavor is to go any further, it will happen over the corpse of their friendship

Bloom confronts her sister with her decision. They can restore Domino without stealing from people, surely without repeating their forebears mistakes-

And that’s the moment Daphne starts to wonder if she made a grave mistake. The dragon flame is a matter of divine right, in all of recorded history it was never given, only inherited by the firstborn. At the time it seemed like the only option to pass it on, but was she wrong? She’s spent the past four years trying to convince Bloom of her birthright, but it’s not hers. Bloom’s reticence only further proves that she is little better than a usurper

She has to find a way to take back the flame.

At this point Bloom will never relinquish it to her, because she knows what she’ll use it for, but Daphne is confident the flame will return to her if she proves herself. If she reclaims her title as a nymph, if she takes the magic dimension back into hand, surely the flame will come back to its true master

Bloom returns to the winx, heartbroken and ashamed, and has to finally lay her past to rest. Letting go is the only way she can protect the magic dimension

[maggotmouth]

          hillo sexthy legends !!   i’m nora and i’ll be writing margo colby n probs sm1 else bcos lets be real, i lack self-control. u can find her pinterest here n some info abt her sexy self below the cut. plot with me on discord ( hot girl midsommar#8664 ) or in my ims !!  x o x

     * CAMILA MORRONE, CIS WOMAN + SHE / HER  | you know MARGO COLBY, right? they’re TWENTY-THREE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ELEVEN YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to SCRAWNY BY WALLOWS  like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole BLEACH WHITE SNEAKERS POUNDING ON A GYMNASIUM FLOOR, USING THE SAME BLUNT SCISSORS TO HACK THE SLEEVES OFF AN EXES T-SHIRT THAT YOU USE TO CUT YOUR 3AM FRINGE, A WALNUT-SHAPED ACHE IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH FOR THE PERSON YOU COULD HAVE BEEN thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is AUGUST 8TH, so they’re a LEO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nora, 25, gmt, she/her )

CLICK ANYWHERE ON THIS SENTENCE FOR SEXII GOOGLE DOC!!

bullet point summary of margo.

—   born margaret but NOBODY calls her that. its colby, coach or margo, and go to the privileged few. margo grew up in the creek commune n then dropped out of school cos of a teenage pregnancy so she was a bit of a cautionary tale back in’t’day (said tht in my yorkshire accent). she now works for summer camps coaching pee wee soccer and pee wee cheer, as well as helping out her beekeeper dad on his honey farm, which is jst north of abernathy creek, and working at scuba on the off seasons.

—  its just her and her dad, and has been for as long as she can recall !! everything she knows about her mum could fit on the back of the weathered passport photo she keeps in her wallet of a stranger who shares her face - her name’s melody, or at least tht was name she used when working as a dancer, she’s from argentina and dropped mag’s dad as soon as someone w more money came along.

—  margo’s father is a beekeeper with his own organic honey company. margo and her dad moved to irving in the early 00s, the summer between grade school and middle school, because her dad had heard about the communal living in abernathy creek and wanted to lend his skills there and live off the fatta the land in a very lenny from of mice and men kinda way.

—  for a few years of middle school margo was bullied for living with the ‘freaks from the creek’, but when they realised how chill her dad was with underage drinking, margo ‘keg-bringer’ colby soon gained popularity among the more renegade students. every so often, the high school parties would happen at her end of town, occasionally with members of the commune even offering the high schoolers a spiritual experience they’d never forget (often in the form of mushrooms) which meant people tried to stay on her good side. to get an invite to a margo colby party handed you a free pass to make up the most ridiculous shit about the commune you liked and nobody else could say anything, because they’d never been to the creek.

—  at school, margo had a lot of ‘behvioural issues’ bcos of undiagnosed adhd, she found it difficult to sit still for hours n write down huge chunks of information n her restlessness was seen as laziness. she was encouraged to do sports, as were most of the kids who weren’t that academically inclined, but she turned out to be pretty hot shit at sprinting, because she grew up surrounded by bee houses and he who runs slowest gets stung, baybeyy!! so yea, in school sports became her LIFE. she was gonna get a sports scholarship to college but ended up dropping out of school in senior year n becoming one of those kids who could have had it all but lost it.

—  she had sex with sutter at a house party when she wasnt really ready because it felt like the right thing to do at the time and everybody else was doing it. she’d attended health class, she’d seen the corny videos. she knew about all the statistics, but she also knew that it had never happened to anyone she knew and the pull out method was basically safer than the morning after pill and way less expensive.

—  a teenage pregnancy knocked her out of the runnings for prom queen and meant she had to leave school early. she didn’t go to college when her friends did, instead she spent the time interviewing potential foster candidates and eating her weight in lindt chocolate while marathoning love island in her room.  

—  she had a son, who she passed off to someone else a couple of towns away.  it was a closed adoption which seemed like the best idea at the time, but she now wishes she had access to his life.

—  after peaking in high school and jumping between jobs for a few years, she got a more permanent role at scuba which she loves with all of her heart and soul, but unfortunately a bar job doesn’t pay the rent.  

—  she works at summer camps coaching  junior soccer and netball on the side. she’s extremely competitive and takes it very personally if her team lose. the kids all call her, coach colby n write her longwinded letters about how they’ll never forget this summer camp before they go back to their suburban picket fence houses n she keeps all the letters in a drawer n takes them out to read when she’s feelin depressed.

—  enjoys surfing and worked for a number of years on resorts like mila kunis’ job in forgetting sarah marshall. she went on to work 18-hour days as a stewardess on luxury yachts which is a part of her backstory i added after watching season one of below deck because i guess i really am that fucking impressionable. met most of her surf friends doing tht but said she’d never in her life do it again bcos it was mostly just picking up after rich white ppl for shit pay. she came back to irving n thats when she started doing the summer camp jobs so she could move out of the creek n get her own apartment. 

—  she never actually finished senior year so she’s currently going to night school at the community college to get through her exams and is trying to save to go to college or open university. she wants to major in criminology. she’s super ambitious but also super adhd so she fluctuates between thinking she can achieve anything to just feeling like a failure n thinkin whats the point

—  used to shoplift to feel joy and as an act of resistance to her hippy commune routes, but now sees herself as a reformed, bin-diving freegan (sims 4 eco living can i get a hell yaaaa). also she thinks it’s totally wrong to steal when you have enough money and clearly don’t need to steal to survive, ppl risk imprisonment for basic necessities, so for her to do it for a brief thrill and some new shades felt a bit derogatory

—  was raised jewish. became a vegetarian as a child because it seemed, at the time, easier than having to explain which foods she was and wasn’t allowed to eat together, so she just cut out meat entirely. still a vegetarian now and dabbles in veganism, although its become less about not eating certain meats in the milk of their mother and more about her global impact / carbon footprint

—  nurses little animals to health in her garden. has a hedgehog name OJ short for orange juice not the other one filthy pig. her and her dad have always been huge animal rights activists and existed on a vegetarian diet. the only one in their house who isn’t vegetarian is their cat, auggie. (short 4 augustus gloop)

—  has a lot of stupid ass stick and poke tattoos. there was a phase during her years as a barmaid where she wanted to train as a tattoo artist n would mostly practice on herself or any friends who would let her

—  she doesn’t form many long lasting friendships cos she tends to be super excited when she makes a new friend and just see them all the time but then it wears off and she can ghost a bit. she’ll always coming pinging back but she’s not the most predictable or loyal friend, sometimes she’ll sleep in your house every night for a week and then you won’t even get a text from her for a month. her best friends are elderly neighbours and houseless people she meets when volunteering at the foodbank. she thinks they’re more authentic than most of the ‘fake posers’ she meets down the vela pier

—  calls herself a butch lesbian but still has sex with men when she wants validation. sexually attracted to some men, especially effeminate men, but only romantically attracted to women. very possessive of the gals in her life.

—  stopped giving a shit about getting older or adhering to anyone elses bullshit standards, realised it was all fake p much as soon as she dropped out of school and one by one her friends just stopped texting her

—  lives in one of the lofts in port apartments. it’s open plan with rugs and lava lamps everywhere. she has a palette bed. its all very ‘sustainable chic’. like, oh wow, a pallet bed that im supposed to think you made from scratch but i KNOW you got it  off ebay because you thought it looked trendy

—  constantly says shes poor but still buys clothes from urban outfitters. sus.

—  frequently found at fannies flirting with the cute bisexual bartender with a choppy black bob.

general vibe / personality

vibrant, vulgar, self-absorbed, tenacious, veers bewteen apathetic and dogmatic, temperamental, flighty, unreliable, magnetic, charismatic, passive aggressive, likes to play devil’s advocate, takes the moral high ground. estp and a leo

likes: 70s music, john wayne movies, black mirror, philosophy, cowboy chic culture, dc comics, the smell of locker rooms,, deep red lipstick, lacrosse sticks, smoking weed from a bong, dogs, karaoke, pet rats, kate moss, late-night strolls, hawaaiian shirts worn open over a bralette, skinned knees, thai food, picking the apples at the very top of the trees, zip-lining, cigarettes, the idea of pegging but not the practical application of it, decorative lamps, LGBTQ+ pin badges, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.

dislikes: girls who call other girls ‘pick me’ girls, woody allen movies, mental mathematics, wealthy children, quentin tarantino, ironing, institutionalised misogyny, the imaginary future, french literature, ‘dump him’ feminism, wes anderson films, spoken word poetry nights, college-educated bar staff who act like they’re better than you,  indie softbois, the general mentality of cheerleading squads.

aesthetics

orange peel, the smell of bleach, skeleton drawings in the margins of a journal, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, bleach white sneakers pounding on a gymnasium floor, setting dumpsters on fire for the hell of it. a hit flask of vodka decorated with hello kitty stickers, split knuckles, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, a child in an oversize bee keepers suit, scabbed knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you,  a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

hoo boy this is getting LONG AS FUCK but here are my wanted plots

wanted plots

ok margo’s been in irving since she was like 10. she’s quite a vivacious person?? she dresses completely instinctively without any sense of cohesion so she stands out. a guy once told her she was wearing the ugliest outfit he’d ever seen and he thought that was so cool and brave of her. but anyway where was i going.. she grew up in the abernathy creek so stuck out like a sore thumb,,,, maybe ppl who were super interested in the creek or maybe poked fun at her bcos of it idk.....

b4 she dropped out, margo used 2 b in with the cool kids at school bcos her dad would buy them booze and rarely ask for the money. maybe a fun plot cld b with some of the ‘it girls’ she used to hang around with b4 she got pregnant n dropped out and they all went off to college n stopped texting her.

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! some1 she feels like she knew before irving ???

since margo literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships. fwbs. enemies with benefits. all the angst. all the slow burn mutual pining we hate each other narratives

locals who play sports. margo wld be all over community soccer n take it way too seriously. maybe ppl she plays hockey with. girls who she’s like, weirdly intimate with but its not a thing cos the other girls straight !!! what do u mean !! aha just fun !

she works part time at scuba. i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry.

she's also a surf instructor and occasionally works as a lifeguard!! gal has like 7 jobs ik but regular swimmers hmu

ppl she coaches at the gym !! she wants to be a personal trainer

i reckon she might have recently started meditating to try and calm down her mind cos its always bustling with thoughts, n i think she’s p interested in buddhism so if anyone’s a buddhist hmu

someone she’s trying to make a zine with on female empowerment and women in film and art, etc. just a very feminist zine. 

TLDR:  angry sports gay, former high school track prodigy turned drop out, who likes feminist literature, wearing leather jackets over slip dresses, and smudged red lipstick.

this was so long !!! im sorry !! if you’ve read this far have a biscuit, love x

[argisthebulwark]

hiii 👋 this is my main blog but my tesblr is @reachfolk (im the one who made that ask game lol)

ANYWAY so my main oc is alexandria silver-blood. yeah those silver-bloods ajsksks, her dad is the older brother of thonar and thongvor and her mom is a reachwoman who married into the family because she knew it was her best bet to avoid her or her children from being persecuted like so many in the markarth incident. it.. mostly worked, but between the awful genetics from her mother (panic disorder and insomnia gang 🤪), the numerous attempts her uncles made to get rid of that whole side of the family, the general day-to-day racism in markarth, and the pressure to keep both herself and her family together, alexi eventually snapped and decided to run off on her own until she can sort her shit out without being pulled in every which direction. she spent most of that time running around the reach, studying old reach magic and alchemy from the different tribes and reconnecting with her culture and religion, and then started running around the rest of skyrim because she's a giant nerd with a love of adventure.

ANYWAY with that out of the way, personality wise alexi is literally the sweetest most agreeable person ever. it's funny cause she always wears forsworn armor so people assume she's some evil savage but she literally sees everyone as a potential friend (assuming they aren't trying to kill her). if they're grumpy and distant, she just sees it as a challenge to make them laugh. it can.. be pretty irritating if you really don't like her vibe, but she won't like completely disregard boundaries yk? she's also a prankster who loves goofing off and messing with people too, usually involving stealing something or messing with their food or drink using some alchemy ingredient. she literally has a billion stories of dumb shit she and her siblings did growing up and she'd often share them to make people laugh.

beyond just being a little rascal, she's also pretty smart, being very well rounded in magic and well read on all sorts of subjects thanks to her great tutors as a kid. but she most excelled in alchemy and literally lights up like a kid on christmas when she finds a rare ingredient (even if it's gross af—that's where the namira worship thing really helps lol).

i have soo much to say abt her but ive already rambled enough so i'll spare u the time lol, but i'd love to hear how your oc would feel abt her!

HI omg sorry i sawthis a few days ago but work has been a lot. here we go! 

Saryn is bad with people so she just kinda observes. She likes to watch people before she interacts with them but she would 100% think pranking people is hilarious. She would absolutely be willing to distract someone so alexi could mess with their food. 

She’s a big fan of listening to stories so she’d love to hear all of them. Saryn’s also atrocious at alchemy so she’s fascinated by anyone who is skilled at it. she steals and hoards pretty much everything that isn’t nailed down so raiding an alchemy shop for rare materials is up her alley. 

After dealing with Windhelm’s racism, Saryn is not a big fan of Markarth but she’s very interested in the reachfolk so she’d love to learn!! She’s never spent time with her family so she would be more than willing to listen to alexi bitch about the silver-bloods. they may not have a long term relationship but for like a few weeks working on similar jobs they’d be besties. 

[robinofinashiro]

- request by @red-riots-crocs​: “Hello!! I would like to ask if I can request for a Sero fic with a plus size Latina reader!! I always see insecure plus size reader, but could i get a more confident plus size reader? The plot/headcannon could be up to you, but maybe just kinda more on the fluffy and domestic side? I’m thinking maybe a mini day in life? Idk its totally up to you :)) (I’m saving the angst and more “detailed” plot for the next ask lol) THANK YOU DEAR I LOVE YOU LOTS :)))”

- request status: open

- pairing: sero hanta x fem! reader

》 life with Sero would be amazing in general. whether that be bc of your friendship with him or you becoming his significant other, Sero would absolutely be an amazing friend or boyfriend. 

》 but you got lucky! you’re his girly-friend! so you get to see him being all soft and cute 25/8. plus, with Sero being so laid back, his dating preferences wouldn’t really matter to him. you can 4′8 or 6′1, skinny or plus sized, if he likes you, HE LIKES YOU. 

》 for the sake of the headcanon list, lets say the two of you are having a day out. the first thing he’ll suggest is to go to a park or maybe the pool if it’s nice enough. if it is, pool it is! and damn, is he glad that he suggested to go swimming bc you? in a swimsuit? FIRE. his eyes wouldn’t come off of you for the rest of the day. 

》 he’ll be the one to pack snacks or small meals depending if you guys stay at the pool for long periods of time. he’ll also suggest to take photos for both of your social medias! I can imagine Sero being the kind of boy to be very active on social media, especially with his girlfriend, so he’ll 100% post photos of you from the day you had. 

》 you are one confident girl anyway so imagine your confidence being partnered up with Sero’s compliments? they’ll be no way some petty side comment about your weight that would even bother you. but if the person who is deciding to harass you continues it, they might find the person taped to a pole. 

》 going back to snacks for a moment, your mom DEF taught you how to make pastries from wherever your from and Sero will be all over them too. he’ll probably scarf down the majority of what you made. either that or he’ll save whatever was left and give it to the Bakusquad to show off. 

》 “see this? my girlfriend made yesterday! and it’s the best thing you’ll ever taste!” 

》 that probably prompts a very embarrassed you. what can he say though? he’s proud that he’s dating a Latina! he gets to immerse himself in a new culture meanwhile eating some of the best food or pastries he has ever tasted. plus, if you weren’t born in Japan and just happened to move there for school or whatever, he will show you everything in Japanese culture as well. it’s a trade off basically! 

》 okay, so lets say that your day out happens to be in the middle of the winter, don’t fret! a day out in the cold, going ice skating or looking at a holiday light show is also his thing! he will probably even bring an extra set of hats and scarfs if he sees that you didn’t bring your own or are getting way too cold.

》 also, please indulge him and give him your sweater! totally see him as the kind of boy who has the thing that girls do about stealing sweaters. he isn’t going to lie, your scent is comforting, and he will not turn down the chance to wear you sweater and probably even wear it to bed. he’s THAT extra. 

》 umm, Latinx pastries??? especially around the holidays??? SIGN HIM THE HELL UP. if you aren’t able to travel for the holidays, your parents probably sent some over to you to enjoy and you can damn well assure that you gave him to Sero and in turn, you shared it with the entire class. 

》 for a winter date, it’s probably more fun than it is in the summer. going shopping for the holidays and giving Sero a few early holiday gifts and him giving you some in return would be CUTE AS FUCK. he’d probably give you some gag gift that he made with his tape and then give you your few early holiday gifts. that probably turns out to be a bit of a running gag for the both of you whenever you celebrate holidays together. 

》 another thing about that, HOLIDAY CLOTHES. man, seeing you dressed up to attend whatever holiday party the two of you have to go to and seeing you dressed in a dress or some form of casual clothing ascends him. you can assure that you both probably get matching holiday sweaters or footie pajamas. preferably maybe something in the Pokemon realm. 

》 IF HALLOWEEN IS A THING FOR YOU, COME ON!! MATCHING HALLOWEEN COSTUMES BABYYYY!! you’ll probably go as matching mummies since he has enough tape to go around. he’ll make sure to tighten up the tape a little bit around the chest. i mean c’mon, he’s a teenage boy who wants to indulge himself when he can. 

》 will most def give you a Halloween basket. it’s probably filled with candy, crappy scary movies from the late 70s and 80s, comfy socks, shit, if he has enough money, matching pajama bottoms. it’ll probably be those black and orange squared pajamas and a hoodie. he won’t be the type to scare you, however; he will bring you in the kind of schemes he has planned out against the rest of the Bakusquad. 

》 double dates are a sure thing with him too. whether that be if your double dating with Kiri and Baku or Todoroki and Midoriya, if he sees that another couple is just lounging around doing absolutely nothing, the four of you will probably see a scary movie that’s out or even go around trick or treating if happens to land around Halloween day. 

》 100% pulls up with the Halloween scented candles. pumpkin spice, apple spice, whatever is available and within his financial means, he’ll buy you some and give them to you so when he comes to your dorm, you can light them up. he’d even probably put in a few in the Halloween basket he makes for you. the rest of the dorms know when the two of you are hanging out bc they can smell the Blueberry Pie scent in the halls. 

》 the two of you will set up your dorm to be mildly spooky. i can see this turning into a competition for the entire dorm. the one to win at least the first year would be you and Sero. the years to follow would probably be Momo bc she has enough money to go all out and whoever has creative brains to pull off those kinds of D.I.Y. crafts the following year. it’ll probably be Jirou tho. 

》 shows you off to his parents fairly early! he’ll send photos of the two of you a few months in and his parents are in love with you. you’ll probably meet them around the holidays as he’ll probably tell you to come with him if you can’t go back home. you’ll be making food with his mom as she tells you all abt Sero as a baby and then probably watch sports with his father. 

》 they’ll def give you gifts that’ll probably match with Sero. they can’t help it. your his first serious girlfriend and they LOVE you so they’ll do everything to make you stay with him. plus, who wouldn’t turn down hearing stories abt baby Sero. it’s adorable.

》 whatever language you speak, whether it be Spanish, English, etc, his parents will make him learn it so he can immerse himself even more into another culture. idk, Sero’s parents would 100% be on board with the relationship and hope to see it progress past high school. 

》 overall, Sero as a boyfriend, 100% do it. DO IT. he’ll give you the world if he can and he damn well make sure that this relationship will last until the two of you leave U.A. and become semi-pro heroes. marriage, pregnancy, etc, would be for another headcanon list but i see Sero as the finding the one for life in high school. 

[des-draws]

it's officially July but I'm still on pride mode!!! can't stop won't stop

Here are my lgbt+/queer hcs for class 1(g)A(y)!!! Here's what they are in case you don't recognize all of the flags (bc let's be real before I started coloring this I wouldn't recognize at least a few of them either ;^; ), strap in bc it's going to get l o n g:

(also they’re listed in the order they’re shown in the deviantart post rather than this one oop)

- Ojiro is trans!! I feel like he prefers being stealth but still celebrates with all his classmates because it's such a special occasion :') - Tooru is pan and a demigirl!!! It's her first pride and she's hyped!!!! And full of love!!!!! Love Is Stored In The Tooru!!! - Todoroki is a gay demiboy!! His trauma has made his experience with gender rather vague and blurry but he's still happy to have a label to somehow describe himself!! He's using End*vor's credit card to buy all of his friends pride merch!! - Midoriya is bi and trans!! He's been so happy to see his friends discover themselves and even more so to see them celebrating :') - Iida is bi!! As the second of the three members of the Rich Kids Club, he also wants to support and reaffirm his friends by buying them pride stuff!! - Kirishima is gay and trans!! I hc that he's been basically the class' go-to for gender identity/sexuality stuff bc he's been out-and-proud since Day 1 until pretty much everyone had a big coming-out ("I'm gay!" "Cool! I think I might be bi! :0c" "I...might...not be a girl???" "I'm pretty sure I'm [ace/genderfluid/etc.]" "What's that?" "Oh, it's [...]" "...might have to look into that. I think it might fit me too?" " :'D !!!!! " ) (he probably cried bc he was so proud of everyone) and then things calmed down a bit . He's a tinsy bit sad ppl no longer come to him for it but he pushes it down because he's just so!!!!!! happy to be surrounded by so many ppl like him!! - Bakugou is gay, trans and demisexual!! The last part was the hardest for him to figure out and he spent a lot of time being confused at other people, it was when Sero shared his own orientations that he thought maybe he wasn't as alone as he had thought :') - Uraraka is bi!! She's spent years thinking her crushes on girls were just her being jealous/wanting to be friends with them/not as important/stong as the crushes she's had on boys. She's getting over that internalized stuff now and I'm proud of her!! - Tsuyu is a trans girl and a lesbian!! She's been very open about wanting people to call her "Tsuyu-chan" because she chose that name herself!! And she's so happy that everyone here is supportive of her and each other!! - Yaomomo is also a lesbian!! This is her first pride, she's so excited to see all these people with different identities and experiences come together, and while she could easily create pride merch herself she much rather prefers supporing the indepentent LGBT+/Queer creators selling their own! (Hence why she bought two different variations of the lesbian flag for both her and Jirou!) (and probably many more of the stuff you see everyone wearing lol) - (Speaking of,) Jirou is also also a lesbian and also nonbinary!! Her only connection to girlhood is her love for other girls, but other than maybe updating her wardrobe a little she doesn't mind presenting femininely. - Sero is asexual, demiromantic and genderflux!! He's v. chill about everything, he probably found out and was like "Oh. Ok cool. I'm hungy" like he has a very laid-back attitude abt his identity/orientation but he Will defend his friends' to hell and back. Group mom heck yea - Kaminari is bi and nonbinary!! He was scared shitless to the point of losing sleep when he started figuring out that he miiiight like boys too, and even more so when he realised he might not even be a boy?? Thankfully being surrounded by so many supportive people (and having Kirishima as one of his closest and more trustworthy friends) helped him accept himself :') - Mina is pan and trans!! She's always been very open about being a Romantic™ but rather than being the Disaster Pan that gets flustered around everyone, she's the Disaster Pan that flirts shamelessly using Terrible pick up lines ("If we were dating...heh.....let's just say horses wouldn't be called horses anymore ;) " was the first ever thing she said to Kirishima, which earned her an extremely confused and somewhat flustered "I'm????ga y???? ???????" (it was the first time he'd admitted it out loud so he kinda thanks her for that) ) - Tokoyami is bi and trans!! A while back I read a fic that happened to have trans Tokoyami in it and was like "You know what. Yeah I can see it!" Emo culture is probably what helped him realize, with it playing around with and disregarding gender stereotypes and everything. - Aoyama is transmasculine, genderfluid and aromantic!! For the longest time he'd much rather have people mistake him for a feminine/gnc boy rather than a girl. It took him a while to come to terms with his aromanticism, since pretty much everyone expected him to be gay- he kinda expected it himself too, since he never liked girls that way, so?? But when he found out about the term "aromantic" it was like a weight lift off his shoulders. - Shoji is netrois and androsexual!! He knew he liked boys early but he's avoided dealing with figuring out his gender out of fear that he'd be disappointed- he's only ever seen nonbinary/genderqueer people depicted as androgynous and much smaller in stature than himself, so he thought he'd never fit. Seeing everyone else come out (especially the other nonbinary classmates of his), he stopped hesitating and starting working on coming to terms with himself!! - Satou is asexual and panromantic!! I don't really have much reasoning for this, I never really thought about it (or Satou himself) but when the time came to draw this I was like "Satou likes baking.....and puns are ace culture......FOOD PUNS!!! OF COURSE!!!" I'm sorry glkjhklhfdlkhj; - Koda is a trans boy!! He's had trouble recognizing it at the start because he's always been soft-spoken (almost nonverbal) and timid and kind, and """"those aren't traits of a boy""""" but he was so happy when he hit puberty and started growing So Much in stature due to his genes and people started "mistaking" him for a boy!! He came out to his parents almost immediately bc compassion and kindness seems to run in the family and he knew he'd be accepted even if they didn't completely understand!! He was more scared to come out to his classmates but when two, three, four of them come out and are accepted for being trans boys, he knows he'll be safe with them too. - And finally, last but not least, Aizawa is gay and trans!! He might act somewhat aloof about this stuff, but secretly he's very happy that his kids students all have eachother's support, and most of them their families'. Part of him is a little bitter and wishes he had the same kind of support system in their age, but he's going to be there for them if they need him nonetheless. He has his own support system now, and that matters a lot, too.

But wait!! There's M O R E !!!!! - I always love love LOVE how fanartists/editors give some of the characters more animal-like features, so I did that too!!! I went Full-on-Frog with Tsuyu (and I'm rather proud of how she came out (lol) ), but also I gave Mina some Sharp Chompers and a Fluffy lil' tail bc It's What She Deserves, and Ojiro a lil' toof poking out and ears that sharpen a lil bit at the tips? I hc that as he grows, other than his tail he'll start growing more animal features like that- sharper teeth, longer ears, claws and also, get ready.....pawbeans........the last ones give him Heck when they start growing out, and he needs his palms massaged at least once a day while they do :'( His legs get weird too and they end up looking more like a wolf's back legs :0c - I gave a lot of them freckles!!!! bc I Love Freckles!!!!!! also, as my sister very eloquently pointed out, I gave Uraraka "A R M S,,,,," bc. let's be honest. the girl got martial training she's not a twig - Sero is holding the polyamorous flag behind himself, Kaminari and Mina bc.. u guessed it,, they're all dating each other,,,,, lotsa smooches and cuddling and shenanigans bc there's only maybe one(1) braincell between the three of them and most of the time sero has it - Todoroki, Midoriya, Iida, Kirishima, Bakugou, Tsuyu, Yaomomo, Koda and Aizawa are also autistic. Yes all of them. No I won't explain. (unless you ask in good faith and want to share your own hcs pls ask me then I'll explain everything and you can expect it to be as long as this description!!!!!) (I might draw something about it when it's April again maybe *thinking emoji* ) - Oh!!! and Tooru, Kaminari and Mina are ADHD. Kirishima is also dyslexic. - Bakugou has been losing his hearing ever since he entered U.A.- sure he's always used his quirk but never freely to that extend and with so much power behind it, so getting into fight after fight with such close proximity to explosions that big really did a number on his ears. He can hear a little better with the right one than the left, so Kirishima has gotten used to walking by his right side before his custom hearing aids came in, and then just stuck to that. Bakugou's custom hearing aids block out any noise above a certain volume bc let's assume technology has advanced to do that. When he and Kirishima started thinking about working together as heroes even after they graduate, Bakugou requested custom ear protectors with similar block-out features as his hearing aids for Kirishima so his ears aren't damaged by working so close to Bakugou (Kirishima cried). - I'm actually quite flexible on which of the two I hc as trans, or if I hc both of them to be. The "both gay + demi Bkg" is pretty set in my interpretation of them, but I find it interesting how their friendship/relationship could manifest and grow somewhat differently depending on if both of them are trans or if only one of them (and depending on which one of them it is). They're still the same loud rowdy boyes we know and love but there's different conversations to have and difficulties to tackle between them based on that factor alone, and frankly? I Adore It.

Okay that's all!!!! I think. Thanks for reading, if you did!! And if not, I completely understand lol

I hope you had a great pride month!!

[judehayward]

lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: ju-Das juda-ah-ah… this depressed goblin bastard is honestly my fav male muse like i dnt typically stick w male muses tht long i struggle bt................. i’ve played him the longest of them all n always seem to return to him. jst cnt stay away. way 2 attached to this absurd little man. it’s nai btw!!!! (josefine on the main). launches right in to jude’s intro without further adieu..... (u can also find his playlist here) 🧙‍🎨

「douglas booth & cis-male」⇾ hayward , jude, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 23 years old. he is studying ART, living in moris and can be protective, laidback, nonsensical & apathetic. when i see him i am reminded of wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects, lead marbles instead of eyes. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

he pinterest:

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger’s rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t fully Bad bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans. pretty absent n irresponsible. they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they properly knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care the way parents shd. they lost his birth certificate n dnt remember what they put as his middle name so he’s jst kind of like hmmmm............. n gives himself a diff one every time ppl ask. past variations hv included: jude pauly hayward, jude maureen hayward, jude van winkle hayward. says all of these w a very straight face

despite this he does hv some nice memories w them. usually he definitely sees them fr holidays. frm being rly young their christmas tradition hs been to get a bunch of chinese food like a Banquet Feast n spend all day smoking n drinking into the early hours. perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible bt 😔 jude rly likes it it’s kind of the one time of yr he feels he has a proper family

they r both suuuuper into the arts. rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in sheffield n san fran

(trauma tw) as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws being responsible n looking after someone. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed bt he also??? has some gd ones..... it was a strange environment bt he’s a survivor

(death n grief tw) he hd to do community service bc he kind of… hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he… stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like… drivin around the place sort of… tryin nt to cry…..KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw… broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room……. this ws like 4 months ago nw............ just some fun lore fr u all

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing he’s jst going fking wild on the keys in a trance...... i mean he’s gd bt… chill

he’s rly sarcastic n so deadpan like he’ll say smthn completely ridiculous bt he’ll say it w his whole chest so sincere.... it’s rly hard to tell when he’s joking or serious honestly. has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably secretly draw them. does NOT share these drawings w the person he hates being openly sentimental. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women like tht energy...........

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps idk how he’s Alive straight up. please go to bed sir............. he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at radcliffe doing art, focusing on fine art like painting is............... the thing he luvs most...... his style is kind of.......... taking normal things n painting w surreal colours.... he likes A LOT of colour in his paintings which is kind of a stark contrast to his personality bc his world’s so.... washed out n grey............ lovs art n philosophy n literature n photography n music.... 

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges on all his clothes. wandering the streets in plaid pj bottoms n dr martens eating frm a cereal box without care in the world. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a laidback time....... doesn’t rly like when ppl take themselves too seriously........ likes strange ppl thinks the world is mde richer by them n likes when ppl can jst bounce back jokes at him without being like erm. u dont make sense mate. bc frankly he can come up w some strange stuff sometimes.............. talking to him cn b like navigating a dark n bendy road without a flashlight....... 

(drugs tw) once did shrooms n woke up naked in the woods curled up in a pile of leaves. to this day he recounts this as his werewolf transformation. hs no idea hw he ended up there n when ppl r like are u not. concerned jude. tht is so strange? he jst shrugs like.............. dunno....................... suppose i’m jst a werewolf upon occasion. so casual abt it. jst truly does Not care abt most things at all..... almost to the point tht it’s concerning (sometimes way past the point tht it’s concerning too :/)

this is the desc on an aesthetic i mde of his style once n sums it up well!! ‘additionally: too many pairs of trousers, a hideous amount of white t-shirts all somewhat stained with charcoal, a jumper so thinly knit it almost looks sheer, chipped teale nail varnish, a cream corduroy jacket with a cigarette hole singed onto the cuff, vintage wiry reading glasses he almost never wears, a freshly rolled cigarette behind his ear, a thrifted t-shirt with a warped bart simpson wearing a stethoscope with the caption ‘bard knwos cardiology’ and two crops hacked that way with kitchen scissors that he sometimes wears to paint.‘

EXPERT at rolling spliffs like jst. mkes them so precise n neat....... it’s his super power. his fav thing to smoke frm is banana flavour papers.................... linking 2 this he’s like. bad w emotions bt he does try..... once his friend (maggie) ws sad so he brought her a spliff wrapped in grape flavoured paper bc it’s her fav fruit n jst like. wordlessly gave it to her. it’s the thought tht counts.....

PLOTS!!!!!

plays bass in a band which cld b a fun connection to get together??? i picture the music being like surf rock type like........... mac demarco...... bt he also luvs elliott smith n glass animals n the cure n metronomy n neutral milk hotel n talking heads n radiohead n mazzy star n wolf alice...................... idk jst like.... within tht ballpark i suppose i imagine it being................

mayb ppl he shares classes w?????? i’d like someone tht does a similar course n they hang out tgether when it comes to trips fr the module to museums or exhibits or wtever................ they both stand in front of paintings analysing it rly wrong n saying stuff like hmmmmmmmmm....... i do declare i see a, uh..... large phallus protruding from the centre of this image...... moves something in me.......... n some elderly person looking at it besides them is like Ergh. sickened n disgraced. leaves w a brow severely furrowed

someone he smokes w on the moris rooftop late at night when he cnt sleep??? mayb they’re up n cnt sleep either fr whtever reason n it’s become an unspoken kind of ritual where they always clamber out n find each other there n jst wordlessly keep them company

jude is kind of like. protective almost to a fault sometimes........... mayb some guy he’s punched......................... if they hurt someone he cares abt........... typically it wld hv been a girl he ws kind of like. affected by his first relationship bc she had a bad home situation n ever since jst wnts..... to Protect it’s kind of like an automatic instinct ingrained in him nw 😔 all sounds very noble n well bt sometimes it cn b a bit of an escalation i wnt lie

perhaps a few hook-ups??? jude doesn’t tend to sleep w ppl he rly knows bc he just..... likes it to b an impersonal thing doesn’t like getting attached fr various reasons so mayb they only kno each other via this OR mayb he bent his rules a bit..... cld either work seamlessly or hv added drama if one side hs mre feelings or whtever

currently living in moris w 2 roommates bt i’d love some neighbours perhaps..... mayb someone tht lives directly nxt door to his room n is like ://// bc he plays music loud n weeds always drifting frm his window n mking their room smell if theirs is open too................. or mayb they get on..... mayb there’s a rly mean seagull tht lands on a branch n poos on pedestrians n they both commentate on it frm their windows like david attenborough...... they’re like he’s at it again. they’ve named him n everything

HONESTLY anything if u have an idea hmu i’d love 2 hear it.......... rubs my hands tgether in excitement to plot up a storm w u all

[figureinthedistance]

whenever i get the urge 2 talk like this im like what are u a lifestyle blogger???? to myself. #NeverthelessShePersisted. sth i kno abt myself is that im not into ‘first times’ i dont romanticize them or emphasize their importance as much as what i consider the conversational norm does. i think ive talked abt this on here before. i dont think theres anything wrong abt it but i dont have the personality fr it + if there are ppl who always think abt the first time they tried a certain food or listened to a certain song or met a certain person, i wld recommend considering what they cld gain from instead thinking abt the process of familiarization + rediscovery + reconsideration + becoming comfortable w that food/song/person. bc most of the meaning in my life is drawn from those processes, admittedly partly bc of anxiety + distrust associated w first times trying or doing anything. ofc  its not an either or, meaning + importance can be gathered from both sources + i think fr a lot of ppl are. but fr me ‘first times’ rarely carry much meaning, so i guess my awareness is heightened re: how they are elevated in our culture @ the expense of subsequent experience.

“getting used 2 sth” as always meaning becoming desensitized 2 or disenchanted w its effect... rather than becoming more intimate w + appreciative of the depth + complexity of its meaning. :/

anyway, im specifically thinking abt this in relation 2 quarantine + ppl talking abt the first time they see friends + the first time they share a bed w someone + the first time they hug someone. etc etc etc. but im jst excited fr getting used 2 those things again.

[lookwhatilost]

I’ve talked abt it pretty extensively in the past, but I dnt understand how it never “clicks” amongst cosmetologists that it’s strange that, like, half the culture of the profession is based in legitimizing the profession as a career. it’s the only trade that comes to mind with palpable insecurity attached to it.

you see similar thought amongst people who study the humanities (ie, responding to “you won’t be able to do anything w that degree”) but the discussion sort of ends when they inevitably do get some sort of job, whether the specifics of their BA are relevant to it or not. ultimately, education is an investment, even if the return isn’t what the student initially had in mind. but for the most part, the vast majority of laborers have very little concern with proving the validity of their work to others. a person who pushes pencils at an insurance company may know that it’s not really considered a respectable profession, but there’s no push amongst people in these positions to convince everyone around them that, “for what it’s worth, i had to study quite a lot for this job that you look down on” and i’d posit it’s because they view it more realistically.

the only thing I’d say is comparable is work that’s considered to be “unskilled labor”, mainly food service and retail. but you dnt need specialized education as a prerequisite for either trade. my roommate has been a welder or has supervised other welders for nearly a decade. ive spoken to him abt it in the past abt culture amongst the workers, and this attitude is totally absent from the shop floor. other people dnt know how to and can’t weld, making the legitimacy of the trade self-evident, so much that it isn’t even worth discussing.

but when you get to cosmetology, almost everyone who practices is deeply defensive of it. if you have hairstylists on your friends list, i can guarantee you they’ve shared the same viral post abt how they had to log x hours of training – a lot of it for me was fucking around in a classroom and scratching my ass in the student salon bc we had too few clients for there to be an effective quota system in place – or how they had to study anatomy, conveniently leaving out that it’s high school freshman level at its most generous, or how they had to study chemistry that boiled down to “follow the manufacturer’s instructions and dnt mix bleach and ammonia”. and the sad thing is that this energy is never directed at the people who run their salons on such thin margins that it necessitates underpaying us, it’s always to the general public. it’s abt proving oneself to others. it’s abt status and the feeling that it has been denied.

but to be honest, i dnt think the condescension is entirely unwarranted. i could count the people in the industry I’ve respected on one hand, and still most of my fingers would go unused. these people dig their own graves w their own unprofessionalism, their own telltale signs of idiocy that they dnt even realize they emit, and while it doesn’t mean their labor is thusly worthless, they’re absolutely responsible for the iffy reputation they have. and it’s absolutely bonkers to me that they know enough to know that they’re undervalued, but refuse to engage w the idea that their behavior may play a role in it, and fail to realize that customers are not the ones they have bones to pick w.

it’s frustrating. it’s proof that it’s not a group of people I have any desire to continue associating myself with.

[100percentdirtball]

07 and 18 for ominous?

7. okay i don’t talk about this often bc it’s not possible a) socially b) legally c) practically but honestly? after i die in an ideal world i’m cremated, my bones are ground, and my remnants are used somehow in cooking. i’ve given a lot of thought to how exactly they would be prepared, but ideally they wouldn’t impart a lot of texture//taste, as far removed from cannibalism as possible for both yuck reasons and culinary reasons. 

i find something infinitely appealing abt the idea that my body would be shared among the people that i love, that i would live on in some strange way inside them; the food that you eat becomes a part of you, helping to rebuild tissue and bone and blood. there’s a very strange intimacy there that i’ve never been able to stop thinking about, even tho it’s both impossible and impractical and honestly just a little bit crazy? having my remains shared among the ppl that are most important to me as part of funeral rites, mayb while ppl talk about me some or read some of my writing, would bring me no end of satisfaction

my other notion is also deeply impractical as society is currently structured, but i basically believe that graveyards shouldn’t exist. there’s this whole thing in A Pattern Language–probably my very favorite book to ever exist–about how both birth and death have been utterly sanitized and removed from public life; birth is treated as a sickness, a medical condition that must be treated and managed in which the primary focus is on returning the person who has given birth to a state of productive normalcy. this is starting to change, with the advent and repopularization of birthing centers and doulas, but death is still treated as such. here i’ll just quote from the book:

“No people [ed: “people” here in the sense of “culture” or “society” not “person” ] who turn their backs on death can be alive. The presence of the dead among the living will be a daily fact in any society which encourages its people to live.” 

removing death from the fabric of life, relegating the dead to impersonal cemeteries, and bringing a taboo of death such that we are even afraid to speak of it to children all contribute to a fear of life. death should be seen as a healthy part of living–we should fight death with all the strength we can muster for as long as it’s tenable to do so, but we must also be deeply aware and deeply empathetic of and to the grieving process. for this reason, A Pattern Language recommends that “scattered grave sites” are reintroduced into public life; they recommend that all parks and public spaces, with sections of paths and gardens, be allowed to contain small patches of graves, or even individual graves. people should be interned in places they are meaningful to them, and in easily accessible places that are interwoven with the spaces that people naturally exist in, both strangers and close friends and relatives. 

if i’m to be buried, i’d like to be buried under this one live oak tree in ramsey park; i’ve experienced a lot of really important things there, from my childhood all the way up to the last few years. i always recommend my friends and loved ones go there when they have a spare moment, and after my death i’d like them to have a tangible memory of me when they do.

wow that was more than i was expecting to write.

18. yes, yea. deeply. recently i’ve been dreaming a lot of being a college professor, teaching literary criticism in a small community college. i have dreams about assembling syllabi, introducing myself on the first day of class, and grading papers. sometimes they’re stressful, but not stress dreams, and mostly they just feel comfortable and right.

the nightmares that recur are about different subject matters, but the theme is the same. it’s a little snippet, something relatively mundane. waking up in my bed and looking around my room, going go-karting, eating in a restaurant. something sometimes familiar, or sometimes unfamiliar. the first iteration is normal, just an accurate representation of a normal activity. then the dream repeats, and repeats, and repeats, for ten or twenty or thirty iterations, and every time the fabric of reality degrades slightly. people behave just a little more strangely, or weird visual artifacts are introduced–colors flicker, people and voices appear distorted, time and space stretches and warps, objects clip through each other or detach from euclidean space entirely. by the end it’s just distorted masses of colors and sounds and flesh, my body unrecognizable as myself or even as human, over and over and over. 

it’s not fun.

[hanjisungz-archive]

ghost time~ so as a kid my family always said I had this weird energy and I always brushed it off bc I thought they were joking,, like a weird energy how do you feel that am I a light bulb ?? but y'know nothing ever happened I never saw demons or anything of that nature so I sort of forgot about it over the years until my mom went to this like fortune teller,, we Asians love going to them 😔✊🏻✊🏻 a bit after my grandpa died so yknow the wound was still fresh and stuff but.. -cosmic🌙

(im putting this under the cut bc its Long but its such a good story thank u for sharing dsjkfhsdj)

so the lady mentioned AGAIN about me having a weird energy but it wasn't negative or anything she was just like "your kid most likely can see stuff" and I was like HAHAHA youre funny what's going on, now fast forward probably a week or so I'm like home with my mom it's like in the middle of the night probably around 3 and ive always never been able to sleep at regular times so I was up and about so I go downstairs and look something to snack on keep in mind my mom's fast asleep

so as I was looking for food,, I was downstairs for a good 15 minutes ?? and suddenly I hear SUPER LOUD BANGING like it was so sudden and loud I thought I was about to die from inturders or something but like nothing else happened,, just three super loud bangs coming from the stairs so me being a dumb nut goes to investigate and there's absolutely nothing,, I go to check on my mom she's asleep and snoring so ik she's out cold, at this point I'm SHAKING IN MY BOOTS

THEN I HEAR MORE except this time it's just three light knocks that sound right next to me (I was standing next to the stairs) and I was freaking tf out like what is GOING ON I forget about my snacks and suhdaddle my little butt back into my room and try to forget what just happened bc no one will believe me if I say anything so that's what I did until I get a dream that INCLUDES my grandpa and it's extremely weird bc I was never close to him and he says lots of odd things

alrighty tumblr im sick of ur shit pls send my stuff// so okay i have a dream abt my gramps and ik it's a weird one bc i usually never my dreams in full detail bc im a dumb nut with no memory span but this one i can still recall every detail to the T to this day,, it felt like it truly happened while i was awake probs why i got so freaked when i woke up thinking i was already awake now the thing that struck out to me was my gramps asking me why i didn't let him in n i was like wym dream gramps

so yknow i was like wym dream gramps and he was like "ik you heard me, why didn't you let me in?" and still im shook bc i never knew how to answer him even in the dream i was like what did he mean? and lots of people think im lying that i was never awake to begin with (for the knocks) BUT I WAS BC MY MOM HEARD THEM AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS ME KNOCKING now it's happened more than once too and that's when i started believing in this "weird energy" that ppl say i possess

it happened when i lost one of my friends,, and it happened when i lost my dad recently except for him it was completely different,, it was really close after his death maybe like a day or two had passed and i started hearing whispers and taps and not just at the middle of the night it was all day but more so at night i was in the garage one night moving things around bc i had to take some of my stuff from his house back to my moms and i heard lots of tapping i didn't think much of it atm

then it was whispering,, like my name and yknow i get FREAKED bc it was pretty late at night i thought i was going mad due to the amount of crying i had done but the tapping and whispering got louder and then it all stops and i BOLT inside i was like hell N O im not dealing with no demons tonight no THANK Y O U and then just like before a dream happens and i knew it was coming too bc i could feel it i lost a bunch of sleep bc i didn't want it to happen but eventually i sleep and see him

he doesn't ask any questions,, it's just him and we were sitting in a field and he asks questions that no one else was wondering like why i wasn't sleeping or why i didn't want the dream to come,, yknow i woke up in tears bc i didn't really know that myself,, i didn't know why i didn't want to see him in my dreams it was just my dad why was i scared? but soon my mom brings up the dream abt my gmpa and now i know why ppl were saying i have a weird energy

in buddhist culture people believe that the dead roams for a bit before going to their afterlife (idk how true this is bc 1. im not dead 2. its just something my family says so big shrug) and while they roam they visit one or two people before leaving to the afterlife for good,, so if it happens to you you're special,, something about it only happens to one person in the family and ppl somehow knew it was me and now i always get those dreams,, my mom says im lucky to be this person

i honestly never thought of it as a good thing to be visited bc why me? what's so special abt me? especially when ppl hear its me and get sad,, like how my mom was devastated and sobbed when she found out my gmpa visited me and not her or my gma,, idk ghosts are weird,, i happen to see them in my dreams yet they feel so real that i question if im actually dreaming- ghosts are real idc what ppl say so uh yea that's my experience with ghosts and the dead dfnvdofivns u.u

omg like i dont even know what to add on except that was so interesting !!!! the fact that it ties in with your culture and stuff like that it amazing and woah you were one of the special people !!!

[anarchoromantic]

OMG you have ocs ?? Would you mind sharing a lil bit abt all of em?? Just some basic things I'm interested now :0

hewwo!!!!! always comin to the rescue huh hcjdbc 💙💙

okayokay i have A LOT of ocs but the main characters for my most favourite universes are

1) aix (pron. eye) is a dude who i love, hes part of an anti-police detective agency who have become the protectors of a city in the south-eastern united states bc the police department are corrupt and violent (lmao). theyre all humanoids (not human): ‘monsters’ are very common but are oppressed and discriminated against in society. (there are two categories: humanoid and creatural. creatural are more like wild animals but some small species have been accepted as household pets. humanoids are intelligent and sentient beings who have always lived alongside, but not among, humans.) aix has a mouth where his eyes should be and no eyes anywhere and hes got fangs and hes punk rock and he uses sign language to communicate to others, especially his best friend whos head became disattached from her body one day and thats how she found out she had humanoid blood bc shes still livin and breathin and she sometimes loses her head. theyre both in the field division and act as bodyguards a lot hehe. aix is trans and gay and he has a boyfriend named alexavier whos got eyes on his arms who is also trans n hes bi and theyre in love. alexavier works in the computer divison and he specializes in technological security bc hes a Smart Boy. they have a creatural pet named november who is sweet but cant control her claws very well and sometimes scratches people all over but she doesnt mean it \: aix used to live by himself secluded bc he was scared of humans but now he has a big happy family of anti-cop anti-capitalist anti-fascist gays and i think thats fuckin beautiful

2) jamie!! he can see ghosts and there are some ghosts who have moved on but were assigned by The Boss to come back to earth and collect recently dead ghosts and guide them to the afterlife n these ones are the reapers (obviously not original but i wuv coming up with this shit). theres a reaper named green who jamie sees everywhere who doesnt meet his quota every month bc the town he and jamie live in is very small so not a lot of people are dying and he has to stay until his quota is filled (that sounds bad but its how they keep the death to birth ratio balanced and also if theres too high a concentration of ghosts in one area it can mess with living human affairs) so hes stuck on earth and jamie thinks hes just some homeless guy and he feels bad for him so hes like “yo heres some food” and greens like “huh. what. how do u see me. also i cant eat solids” and jamie is like “what the fuck are you talking abt” but they keep talkin n they become friends and jamies house becomes greens home base and then they fall in love. jamie has some friends named steph, arrow, and nim and they only see green when he wants them to.

3) barley is one of my older ocs n hes a dragon shifter and he used to live among dragons but his herd was killed by hunters and he alone was rescued by some hired adventurers and he tagged along w them and their leader was really shitty and manipulative and barley eventually left after a few years and met some better people and now hes adventuring with them and makin money like he deserves. one of them is named siire and hes a trans merman and he gets carted around in a wheelbarrow bc hes stubborn and likes to come with barley who he has a huge crush on. the other is arsenic who is a bard with skeletal hands so he cant play string instruments very well jvjdhcd

4) anik is very new!!!!!! shes a hijabi gnc bi girl who can control fire and shes dating a butch lesbian named eri whos very tall and likes art and anik supports them so much theyre in love (: i dont have a lot of story abt them so far but i want to hcjdbcksjc

5) hermes is a messenger but instead of some greek nerd who wears a winged helmet and robes hes got booty shorts and a crop top and dyed blue hair and he delivers across universes !! this is more of a comedic conscept that i thought was cute hcjsjcksc but he owns a delivery service and he travels the galaxies with his coworkers/underlings, hawk and carneval. hawk is a lesbian and carneval is a twink who i made in like… 2014 and just repurposed hcjdbckshf they work very hard to deliver mail to all the planets and its kind of just an exploration of what i could do with interplanetary travel and different cultures, aliens, etc etc bc im gay

thank u for asking gfjshckjsjc these are long and not explained well and im sorry if any of what i said might be offensive i know the whole humanoid monster thing might come off as a less-than-savory metaphor but really im just a monster fucker ackk ily!!!

[catncake]

So idk why im making this a tumblr podt instead of actually discussing this w my friends/therapist BUT

I think i have legitimate trauma abt the time i was an exchange student in japan

Ive started watching anime and tried to study japaneses again abt 3 times after i came back and it always comes to a point where, bc im having more contact w the lamguage, i start thinking in japanese. But then i also start remembering things ive done there, and things ive felt. And its unbearable. Its like those memories were buried, and digging them up hurts.

I start remembering the time i tried sharing smth i had made ij the cooking class w one of my classmates but it fell on the floor. So after a while threw it away bc it had fallen, but idk i think i made too much of a spectacle or too much noise and i felt like everyones eyes were on me. And like they didnt know it had fallen, so i was just throwing good food away yo them? And they looked so perturbed!! I felt so judged

Idk i cant even remember the friends i had there (and i didnt have many). I can only think of the horrible times my 2nd host family put me through, how i didnt have any support, how even the other exchange students didnt like me, how fucked it was that i was trying to understand and speak abt my gender identity in a totally different language that i didnt know. How scary it was to not be able to communicate well. How lonely i felt. Even talking to my brazillian friend everyday slips my mind sometimes. But i did that! Everyday for a year we sent messages and it was a life saver.

There was also the time i was on vacation from school and with my 2nd family. I had no plans and nothing to do and i ended up just masturbating a lot. It felt terrible. I was so scared of that family's mom. I liked the dad, but it felt like he had agreed to take me in without even consulting the rest of the family. He was nice and we would go out on weekends which was great. But i knew the others didnt like me. And i became a vegetarian at that time and they didnt make special food for me so i wasnt eating well. And i felt very uncared for. I know i wasnt the best kid at that time, and i was really unprepared to be there. But i want to forgive myself bc i was 15, and i was sad and lonely and scared. I didnt know so much and i just needed someone to take care of me. And the people who were supposed to didnt. Im sceptical of blaming them bc obviously japanese people have a different culture and 15yo there are a lot more independent than i was i think, but idk. If they were taking in an exchange student they should think there would be differences.

And it sucks that i get stuck on those bad memories and i forget the good ones too.

Like my first family was p neutral, but they took care of me, and i didnt know much japanese in the beggining so i feel like they rlly did their best. The 3rd one was also so caring. They cared that i didnt eat meat and they cared that i liked videogames and iceskating. I liked them. They wanted me to meet the rest of the family.

And right as i was getting more used to it, i had made japanese friends from my class and we went out and had fun, i knew how to say the things i meant, and i had to LEAVE!!! That sucked the most. I was just feeling comfortable and i had to back and do it all again. Get used to being in brazil again, and caring abt school again. And i had to deal w telling my parents i was nb, i thought i could talk to them bc no one in japan would even look me in the eye at times, but they still didnt take it well. It was SO much.

And i wish i could study japanese and do this things again bc its a great language and it brings me a lot of joy. But i have to deal w all these very old bad feelings too. Im calling this trauma bc it feels recurring and like theres a block in my mind. Like a wall that stops me from me going forward and acessing these memories without breaking down crying.

A recent one that just resurfaced is one that my 1st host parents were going to play golf and i asked of i could go and they said no bc it could be dangerous. And idk i feel like that was a mark for me. Me extending and trying to be included only to be shut down or denied. Thats were the loneliness came from i suppose. Theres also the summer camp we did w the other exchange students and how i feigned a crush on the spanish guy. He tried to kiss me and i didnt want to. It was so hard to understand what i was feeling. And i didnt want to disappoint everyone elses expectation of me. I was just 15.

Idk im glad im back in brazil with the friends i love and with whom i can communicate well. I wish i keep studying and learning japanese and that ill also make new friends through this language.

Anyway, ill make some pasta for dinner now.