#thinking about this poem this morning

[tendermimi]

Danez Smith, Recklessly

[teenagefeeling]

ok i normally am not the type of person who would ever clown on a beginning writer but this person blazed this shit so i can only imagine the insane overconfidence they're working with

this is genuinely one of the worst poems i have ever read this makes me feel nothing

"haunted" like okay how? are you seeing their face in every reflection? do you wake up every morning with a cacaphony of voices in your head that all sound just like them? are you seeking them out or are you being haunted against your will?

okay now "no longer exist" did they fade quietly from existence? did they shatter into a million pieces? did you make them leave or was in unavoidable circumstance?

"broken" once again: in what way? using the word broken to describe... heartbreak is pretty much the biggest cliché you could use, i literally just think this line should be completely cut or rewritten. so generic as to mean absolutely nothing

and finally "intense lack of you" im gonna need you to describe this intense lack. is it like hunger, with gnawing pains making you feel physically weak? is it like thirst, an almost instictual desperation you'd do anything, no matter how dangerous, to satisfy? is it like physical pain, where it demands your full attention and never allows you to rest? how intense we talkin? because you don't sound that passionate about it based on this poem

also even if we didn't change i word i think the first stanza would be better as:

i am haunted by

a world where you

no longer exist

the line breaks that are currently there appear to me like they most exist to make the poem a certain shape, but i prefer it when writers add line breaks in places that compel readers to keep reading. "i am haunted" is like, okay. but "i am haunted by" makes me wanna read that second line, y'know?

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

btw

CHANGING STATES

Lately, something has taken hold / of me—not hunger, not shame. It is like a flower / blooming in the injury. —Richie Hofmann

On the evening Jeremiah decides he’ll drive thirty hours to Maryland, the other half of his mattress is cold and Madonna’s on the radio. In his bedroom, he taps his cigarette on the windowsill, the ash scattering into rainy blue hour, and listens. Time goes by so slowly, she goes, her voice singed through his boombox’s broken speakers. He’s meant to replace it, though he’s meant to do a lot of things: check the mail, make a quiche, buy lightbulbs, call his sister, take up cross-stitch, recycle an olive jar, move his bed to the opposite side of his room. But time goes by so slowly, and Jeremiah would know—he’s twenty-one, yet feels he’s been alive for much, much longer.

[krash-8]

i swear if the art teacher doesn't fucking turn off radiohead

[aidenwaites]

In her memoir, Blanche said Bonnie was terrified of thunderstorms

[vulpinesaint]

alright. first draft fox poem about transgenderism finished. this is workable...

[brown-little-robin]

~

[akechi-if-he-slayed]

he sent me a snap friend request. persona fanboy who completely ruined me emotionally and is going out with my ex best friend. chat im gonna be honest i do not know what to do here

[torsamors]

bc hes quoted in that post it suddenly reminded me of when ppl on twt were calling ocean vuong a hack/cringe/etc. we should start killing people

[euesworld]

"Good morning, the stars are always out when it's you that I am thinking about.. stars in your eyes and galaxies on your lips, a wish smashed between the two when I am thinking of your bliss. A sunrise or a few, a sunset maybe.. but always when I am thinking of you.."

Wake up!! Wake up!! I want to see you smile - eUë

[kohakhearts]

cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc

pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement

[rigberts]

i had an idea for such a cliche Hallmark like gentan au but it haunts me

[asphodelpoetry]

you’d made me breakfast,

but time was short and i didn’t hear you call

i came down to see you standing,

breakfast cold, soggy, and left untouched

i wasn’t hungry and pushed my way out the door,

leaving quickly, no time to look back at your face

i don’t even think i said goodbye.

i’m sorry, dad;

could you make me some breakfast before you go?

[frostingtheorange]

My pen stopped working, and I was forced to substitute it for a black color pencil cause I have no spare pens...

ANYWAY, I GOT A NEW NOTEBOOK AND DREW THIS ON THE FIRST TWO EMPTY PAGES

[purrfectlycontent]

you breathe into me,

sculpting a body of space dust.

complementary binary stars locked in a gravitational embrace.

we push and pull until both cease to exist,

two halves of a soul reunited.

you pull me closer, caress my cheek,

and claim you’re trying to keep us afloat;

i close my eyes and let your deceit wash away the decay.

but oh, darling, i can’t shake the feeling

that maybe we’re drowning.

[toestalucia]

what if i lost it and made a sinoalice multi anyway