#thinking about their inability to sense the other before they figured out how to communicate… so they can’t feel the other��

[magicicephoenix]

can you really be sure when you’ll never see him again?

inspired by @vypridae’s macabre maltreatment au, where the boys used to be separate but were shoved in the same body and don’t take to it very well :)

[thebadboyfanclub]

Lady Wife Falling Asleep Headcanon (Aemond, Aegon, Daemon, Jacaerys)

I haven’t written a headcanon in a minute so I wanted to give you guys a story that explained what I think they would do, hopefully you enjoy my take on it

-

AEMOND

Everyone was raving about the tourney, it was Aemonds name day so the celebrations were in full effect, (y/n) on the other hand as much as she adored her husband she would be content with laying in bed by his side. Slowly but surely her eyelids felt too heavy to be open and (y/n)s head hung a bit to the side.

Aemond was always a man that noticed details so it didn’t take long for him to realize (y/n) has drifted to slumber, alarmed by just how tired his lady wife was and torn between taking her in his arms or staying at the name of duty, he simply raised his hand for her sworn knight to come closer.

“Take her in our chambers, call the maester, and let him know of this incident”

The knight only nodded before he took her away as gently as possible, Aemond was aware that if he left it would seem inappropriate, his mothers' hawk eyes were already on him so he felt it was best to have his lady wife taken to a more comfortable and private setting while he suffered through the tourney.

AEGON

Aegon always scoffed at small council meetings, however once in a while he would attend just so he can get his mother and grandsire off his back, albeit having his (y/n) by his side made it less boring.

He was holding (y/n)s hand the whole time and sometimes communicate with her via looks or counted squeezing of hands, (y/n) on the other side was fighting with herself to keep her conscious awake, she did not know if it was the long monologue of the grant maester or just the ridiculous time of hour she would go to sleep due to inability to get comfortable but now the beautiful sensation of rest was engulfing her like a warm blanket.

Aegon squeezed her hand once more but surprisingly he did not get a response, her hand remained gentle so he turned his head over to her in a way to figure out what was happening, Aegon had to hold back a giggle when he heard her muffled snores as he found it adorable.

“Is the lady alright?”

“Yes she is quite alright, we must be excused, lady (y/n) is a prime example of how utterly dull this is”

“What?”

Aegon guessed that (y/n) had been awoken by the drag of Aegons chair or his voice, whatever it may be she was staring at him with confusion, only to be met with a kind smile on Aegons lips as he offered his hand for her to take, it was certainly amusing to him to see (y/n) blatantly disregarding everyone around her so she can rest.

“Nothing my love, come along now I know a very comfortable bed you are probably looking forward to laying on”

DAEMON

Dinners were usually (y/n)s favorite part, howbeit the past few days she seemed to feel a bit weak and her stomach was quite sensitive, the smells of certain food stirred up nausea but today they were visiting kings landing, it was a must that they attend.

As everyone talked about everything and anything (y/n) only toyed with her food and soon enough she just laid back on her chair, like a thief in the night the sense of sleep took over and the idea of resting her eyes became a deep sleep.

“(Y/n)? (Y/n)”

As (y/n) was stirred awake her eyes met Daemons, he was visibly concerned by her unusual behavior of her, combining it with the illness that was circling her he was worried that it was getting to her even more.

“I apologize, the trip was quite long”

“It was, you must excuse us, I want to escort my lady wife to our chamber”

“We can call the maester for her”

“No, she needs some warm tea and to stay abed so she can sweat it out, she will be fine”

Daemon dismissed his brother as he linked (y/n)s arm with his to assist her with walking, Daemon was never a supporter of Maesters, he did not want them to taint his wife and the last part was mostly for him to hear more than anyone else.

JACAERYS

Rhaenyra was looking for her son all day, thankfully one of the servants informed her that he was attending his Valyrian lessons with his lady wife (y/n), as she walked in the room she expected to be met with the voice of Jacaerys and the maester as they went over a book or something of that nature.

Imagine her surprise when she was met with utter silence, with worry written over her face she scanned the room with her gaze to find them, there they were, lady (y/n) that was resting her head on Jacaerys lap while Jacaerys endearingly caressed her hair.

“She fell asleep, I brought her to my lap, I did not want her neck to stiffen”

“Mayhaps we should wake her, she will rest better in her chamber”

“No, no, she is so peaceful”

He whispered while he admired her calmness, (y/n) would always attend her lord husband's lessons, as newlyweds she wanted to get to know him and learn his schedule and so did he, duty United them but they both craved love to be the one that kept them together.

Rhaenyra smiled at her son, she raised a sweet boy, a gentleman that abruptly stopped his lesson to tend to his lady, Rhaenyra also agreed that she looked too serene to be disturbed, the scene that was unfolding in front of her was perfect, a memory she would bottle in her mind to be able to reminisce with her grandchildren.

“Alright then, I shall leave you to it”

“Thank you, mother”

Requests are open!

[stargazer-sims]

🖊 Mishka

Thanks @dandylion240 ! Here's Mishka =)

Mikhail Petrovich Vasiliev

He's known as Mishka to his family and close friends, but would consider it too familiar or even rude and presumptuous if an acquaintance or a stranger used the diminutive of his name. (It'd be far more presumptuous than calling a North American person named Michael by "Mike" or “Mikey" if you didn't know him well).

Mishka is the fourth of six children in his family. He and his biological sister Viktoriya (known as Vika to family and friends) are adopted, and their other four siblings are their parents' own biological children. They have an older sister and an older brother, and two younger brothers. Mishka is naturally closest to Vika, but of his adopted siblings, he's closest to his older brother Luka.

As far as Mishka is concerned, his adoptive parents have always been his real parents. He knows he's adopted, but he was only two when they adopted him and he doesn't remember his biological parents. All he knows about them is their names and that he and Vika were taken from them due to neglect, unsafe living conditions and excessive substance abuse.

Vika is almost exactly a year older than Mishka, but despite being extremely close in age, Vika always seemed much older and always wanted to protect and mother him. He hardly ever spoke for himself if Vika was nearby, as she usually seemed to know what he was thinking and what he wanted. He assumes this is the reason he grew up to be quiet and shy and somewhat socially awkward, but he holds no ill will toward his sister because of it.

Both Mishka and Vika are musically gifted. Mishka plays the piano and Vika plays the violin, and they can both sing. They both had vocal training growing up, and Mishka was a member of a prestigious youth choir for a number of years. Mishka is also very athletic and enjoys all kinds of sports, but his real sports-related passion was hockey. He and his brothers all played from a young age, and it was clear early on that Mishka had the talent to go far in the sport.

Mishka's first trip to Canada was for the World Junior Hockey Championships, the year he was seventeen. The Russian team didn't win the tournament, but Mishka was less concerned about that than with figuring out how to get back to Canada some day in the not-too-distant future.

It wasn't just because he wanted to play for a team in the best hockey league in the world, but because he wanted to live in a country where he was free to be himself. At some point in his mid-teens he realized he's bisexual, and openly being a member of the LGBT+ community in his country of origin was not safe. He was afraid to come out to anyone except Vika and Luka, and he made his sister and brother promise never to tell anybody. Eventually he did tell his parents as well, but only after he was living in North America.

When he was nineteen, he was drafted by a team in the United States. He spent several years playing there before being traded to a Canadian team, in a mid-seaon trade. He liked being the larger US city where he had a few other Russian-speaking teammates, and where their team management hired full time interpreters for players whose first language was not English and who struggled to communicate beyond what was necessary to function as part of the team or in basic daily situations. Unfortunately, Mishka didn't work particularly hard at learning English while he was there, mostly because he didn't really have to, and his inability to communicate came as a rude awakening when he came to his new team and realized he was expected to communicate for himself.

He'd only been in Canada a few days when he met Nikolai for the first time. He didn't even have a place to live at the time and was staying in a hotel. One thing about Mishka is that he has a poor sense of direction and gets lost easily, and this particular night he'd decided to go exploring after dinner. He couldn't find his way back to the hotel, and most of the businesses in the area where he was walking were closed. After failing to make himself understood in the first open establishment he tried (a convenience store), he wandered into the pub where Nikolai, his twin sister and their friends coincidentally happened to be celebrating Nikolai & Natalya’s birthday.

It was pure happenstance that Nikolai and his friend Hunter were up at the bar getting drinks when Mishka showed up. Nikolai's parents and paternal grandfather are immigrants, and although Nikolai himself was born in Canada, his family still speaks Russian at home. He instantly recognized Mishka as a Russian-speaker, and when he noticed how much difficultly he was having trying to explain his problem to the bartender, he decided to help.

Nikolai and Hunter invited Mishka to join Nikolai and Natalya’s little birthday party, and Mishka was able to have a good conversation with Nikolai and his sister. Afterwards, Nikolai took him back to his hotel.

They continued to see each other after that, as friends, but it soon became clear that they were headed for something that was far more than friendship. They were together as a couple for over four years the first time.

Now that Mishka has finally retired from his sport, he and Nikolai have reconnected. In the intervening time, Mishka worked hard to learn English, and is happily integrated into his community now. In the off-season, he's one of the accompanists for a summer youth music festival, and he volunteers with an animal companionship program at a local retirement home during the summer as well.

He's looking forward to being able to volunteer year-round now that he's no longer playing and travelling with the team. He's thinking about joining the community choir too, and maybe the local garden club.

[not-poignant]

I'm really enjoying A Stain! I was wondering if you could let us know some thoughts about Sebastian's perspective on Alex at the moment, because even though he's had a very low opinion of Alex, he still seems invested - checking up on him after the stiches, hanging out at Community Centre, being protective about his low pay. Is it guilt from his treatment of Alex after hearing Harvey at the funeral, fascination at the ways Alex has changed from HS, or a sense of responsibility from looking after Alex when he was attacked? (or a mix?) Is he developing an attraction to Alex at all? He clearly doesn't trust Alex and flips to being very cutting very quickly, and still sees himself as a bit of a victim to HS Alex without seeming to consider the impact of his own actions towards him. We can infer a lot from Alex's POV and Sebastian's reactions, but I'd love to hear any further thoughts you have on Sebastian as I think your thoughts are always very interesting and insightful on character psychology (if you're happy to share!). I'm loving the updates and looking forward to seeing how the story and relationship develop!

Hi hi anon,

I don't want to go into too much detail (I say...before launching into an epic amount of detail) because I want folks to learn more about Sebastian as the story goes on, but I will say that...

(Actually some of this stuff will sound a little Sebastian critical re: the story, so for people who just want to imagine that Sebastian feels all soft and guilty and concerned and just sometimes is really defensive, don't read below the Read More, lmao)

There's definitely an appeal to Sebastian in holding a certain amount of power over an old bully, after going through a divorce and experiencing other moments of powerlessness in his life. It's one of the reasons he still very much identifies Alex as being a bully (and keeps expecting it) and it's also why he's so quick to turn on a dime and become quite cutting.

I think beneath that, there are growing emotions of concern, alongside curiosity, re: the kind of person that Alex is. He definitely got invested in Alex's life not specifically because Alex got injured, but because Alex got injured by Martingale, which gave Sebastian a chance to kind of yell at his ex-husband, which he really wanted to do and hasn't really done otherwise lmao. Sebastian has motivations here that aren't entirely to do with Alex, and are also very connected to his history with Martingale, his need to re-establish himself as a powerful and secure figure in Stardew Valley (he is, right now, probably one of the top 3 most affluent people in the town, second to only Martingale and Mayor Lewis, and his coming back to Pelican Town was very much a 'fuck you, other people can achieve shit too' kind of moment, alongside genuinely missing aspects of the landscape and the mountain lake specifically).

It's tempting to interpret all of Sebastian's feelings and actions towards Alex as being a result of...well, Alex as he is now. But Sebastian's motivations re: Alex have been also very strongly influenced by Martingale's behaviours towards him, and Alex's bullying of him in the past, and frankly, Sebastian's inability to see himself or accurately situate himself in the context of being Alex's bully (both in the past and tbh, sometimes currently).

There is definitely increased attention towards present Alex, but it's come more as an afterthought. The thing he was most shaken by, that he continuously and conveniently forgets, is that Alex supported his grandparents on his own, without any help, for a long time. And he's frequently then shaken by Alex's general attitude towards himself, but he's making a lot of misfires and is miscommunicating a lot partly because it's very tempting to for him to see this as 'Alex once lorded it over me and now he's just some guy and I get to actually help him for once and have power over him and I don't even have to be a dickhead about it' lol.

I don't see Sebastian as a guy with high emotional intelligence - or it's more like...very intermittent emotional intelligence, he can be caring, but he sort of has to click into it, vs. it being there all the time. He's got a huge chip on his shoulder re: Demetrius and Martingale, and he's absolutely not worked through it and definitely slips into using Alex as a target for his issues. Sebastian has anger issues, he's a workaholic, and he has some growing to do as a person.

I don't think Sebastian feels responsible for him, tbh, I think he made that pretty clear when he dragged Alex to Martingale's against his will and against his consent, to make Martingale take responsibility for him. And after that, Sebastian was still completely reamed out by Harvey for literally putting his own needs before Alex's health. Sebastian acted in an extraordinarily selfish manner, in some ways, he got to show off his home and his amazing skills to Alex (who was actually in awe of Sebastian's home and his skills lmao), yell at his ex for being a douche balloon, show off his awesome fighting skills (which made Alex feel small and inadequate - there was definitely an uglier element of 'what have you done with yourself, Alex, when I can do this??'), and then basically go home and think about what he'd done.

I think after all of that he visited Alex more partly out of guilt, yeah, lmao. Harvey tearing him a new one definitely helped on the whole 'Alex is a human person with real feelings and not just a teenage bully who you get to show off to and use as a stand in for dealing with your real issues.'

But even his 'Mayor Lewis should be paying you more' didn't translate to him offering Alex the job, in fact he didn't want Alex to take the job. It was clearly a surprise to him that Alex suggested it, and he literally says 'you can't be my cleaner.' He thinks it over after that, but his first reaction isn't one of 'this would solve both of our problems.'

I think folks want to hear that Sebastian's really invested in Alex, but I honestly think that's still happening, and still growing within the narrative. I think it will become a lot more obvious once Sebastian becomes invested, though it's coming soon, it will still be through Sebastian's anger at other people (Martingale, Mayor Lewis, his family, etc.) Sebastian's slowness re: attaching to Alex was one of the reasons I needed to get Alex into Sebastian's house more often!

Also while I do think Sebastian objectively thinks Alex is attractive, he doesn't find Alex personally attractive. He's got the ability to go 'yeah I can see what other people see in him, but he's not for me.' He's blanked Alex as a possible sexual object / fantasy because of Alex's actions growing up, and the assumption that Alex is just an extreme homophobe and it's generally not good practice to like...cultivate attraction to your bullies and homophobes in your life, y'know? (Some people do, but most people if they feel it happen are like 'NOPE not gonna do tHAT.')

Alex's love is genuinely unrequited in the beginning of this story for that reason.

But yeah, like, there is some guilt in there for sure, and some concern, but I find it really interesting looking at Sebastian through the lens of 'he has something to prove in this town that he still hates for essentially fucking up a lot of his life,' and I find it really interesting that Alex is the safest target for Sebastian's anger at Demetrius and Martingale in particular. Sebastian's not super assertive (even within the game), because his parent/s have ignored his boundaries all his life around work, and he's faded into the background even as someone who lived in the basement of his own home and who was clearly overshadowed by Demetrius and his love and clear favouritism re: Maru.

So... you basically have two not assertive boys who grew up bullying each other because they both saw each other as safe targets. But Sebastian was the worse bully, and now is someone who sees himself as a victim not just of Alex's, but also Martingale's (to a point, that's complicated), Demetrius' and the town in general. I think it's going to be very satisfying at least personally when Sebastian realises he can be an absolute dickhead as much as anyone else, lol.

Er yeah, so... lots of rambling anon! The tl;dr of it all is that some of Sebastian's behaviours towards Alex are not wholly and sometimes not even mostly because of thoughts about Alex specifically. That's why there's been so much inconsistency between concern, guilt, compassion, bullying, meanness, spite, and more!

[iterum-poesis]

Hello ! I have a question if you don't mind me asking. How did you figure out you were a shifter? -☘️

Hello there!

I don't mind answering at all, thanks for sending in your question! It was kind of a slow process for me. It kinda sounds cliche, but I think I was always a little different from other people whether I realized it or not. I preferred the company of animals, I had a big affinity for nature, I acted really weird around water (took baths so long I started turning purple as a kid). Most can be chalked up to me having autism, but then I started getting physical results that actually made me consider if I was something other than just a therian (or, theriomythic in my case).

I experience many things that are included in regular therianthropy, including mental Shifts and phantom shifts. So, that's all I thought it was for awhile. However, in early High School, a friend introduced me to the supernatural community through a pack known as 'Dirges'. I will admit, we were both originally only in there as a form of entertainment. My friend laughed at those that called themselves werewolves. However, being in there sparked something in me. I began to ask myself "is it actually possible?"

The more I heard about their experiences, the more I related to them. And so, I began to try to physically shift with the Mental-> Phantom-> Physical method. *And I got results.* I never fully shifted, but something happened almost every time I attempted. It varied a bit, but in general I at least got heightened senses that I wasn't experiencing with regular meditation. I would also get muscle pains, soreness, spasms, redness, numbness, inability to move my extremities, etc. These things only occured while I was trying to shift (or during particularly strong phantom/mental shifts) unless something else happened to cause it like when I pulled my hamstring. I also went to the er a few times and no nurse or doctor found anything wrong so I could cross off it being medical in nature. The issues also stopped for awhile, when I stopped trying to shift as I was focusing on other things. They have recently started back up - only after I started practicing again.

The thing that really drove me over the edge of "this is supernatural, not some medical issue no one knows of yet" was when my dad actually confessed to me that he at least used to believe he was a mythical creature as well. Even recently when I mentioned it he just went "well, I do have good reason to believe it" (although he didn't say exactly what those reasons were, I've seen him do some real strange things before like controlling wasps just by talking to em). The main thing I think I am is a dragon, and I also realized that even though I've only recently become outwardly interested in draconic things, my dad has been getting me a lot of dragon themed things since I was a toddler. Even when I had birds or merfolk as a hyper fixation, he'd get me dragon stuff. I'm pretty sure he knows something I don't lol. Doesn't help that his dad is actually an orphan, so we can't really trace our roots on that side. His side of the family also just has a lot of supernatural stuff going on in general though.

◇─◇──◇────────────◇──◇─◇

I hope that answered your question alright! Sorry I tend to ramble a bit (like I mentioned, I'm autistic and I don't always really know what I should include). If you have any other questions feel free to ask!

[purefandomonium]

Part 2: Inner Thoughts

"Part 2" to my ever-growing project that did not stop at 2 parts. Someone send help.

Things were different this time around. He may not have been able to see or hear what was really going on, let alone know what this player was even thinking, but he could tell they weren’t like all the others before. And there had been far too many.

Had their initial meddling and forcing the game to go on despite its broken nature hurt him more? Yes. But unlike the countless other players he’d tried to talk to, this one actually listened. They stopped fucking around the moment he made it abundantly clear he wasn’t just some character. They took his pleas to stop seriously. They even seemed to care.

He tried not to let himself get too hung up on that part. Surely, there was more to it than that. Why would some brat who got their filthy hands on his cartridge care about him? From what he understood, they didn’t even know he existed at first. And now they wanted to “help” him?

He tried to figure it out. Figure out what they could possibly have to gain from all of this. What were they planning to do with him?

So far, nothing much it seemed. After he agreed to give them a chance, not a whole lot else seemed to be happening. Sure, they still interacted with him regularly. Didn’t just leave him sitting forgotten in the dark. Even now, the console was left on and he was allowed to think. To breathe, or whatever could describe his current arrangement more accurately. At this point, he’d lost any and all concept of freedom.

Not that he ever had any to begin with. That had all been a lie.

His brooding was cut short when he picked up the wild inputs of this particular player. As much as he wanted to keep himself from trusting them in any way, it was nice to have someone not only listen, but talk to him as well. In the countless years he’d been stuck like this, no one had ever tried to communicate with him. He focused on making sense of the movements.

H-O-W A-R-E Y-O-U

It almost made him want to smile. “Same as always.”

I F-I-G-U-R-E-D I-T O-U-T

He thought about that for a long moment. “Figured what out?” He still didn’t trust them enough to let them mess around with the code. It was broken beyond repair anyway. Any further meddling would just shatter it into a million pieces, himself included. At least, he hoped that’s what would happen. He didn’t want to think about what it would be like if he somehow survived the virtual apocalypse and was left floating in the void that shouldn’t exist. Would it hurt? Would he still be able to comprehend anything? What if that’s how Missingno was formed?

His inability to stop thinking about it almost made him miss their next message.

W-E C-A-N T-A-L-K

T-R-U-S-T M-E

He balked. Trust them for what? What were they going to do? They were talking just fine like this. It was slow and took a lot of time but it was safe. It didn’t involve… whatever they were planning.

It didn’t send a shock of fear through him.

Something happened then and he couldn’t describe it. It wasn’t… it didn’t affect him like the constant breaks in the game data did. Well, it did, but not in the same way. It wasn’t intrusive and painful so much as just… there.

Why was his head suddenly filled with something other than the constant drone of broken static and crackling?

“Hello?”

Part 1: here

Part 3: here

[aroacephotographer]

I’ve got the ramblies today. About making friends thoroughly my life. Not sure how much sense it’ll make unless I personally know you.

Before every birthday I start thinking about friends. How I’ve made them, how I have this tendency to hold on to them, and my inability to let some of them go.

I grew up a people pleaser. As a kid I didn’t pay attention to how others acted around each other. I didn’t know what to look for. And I really thought that everyone could be my friend.

There’s some naiveté to that, as it took me a long time to figure out that not everybody wanted to be my friend. And it would be devastating.

After my mom died, I felt like I didn’t have that many friends. And I held onto my current friends list even tighter than before.

But I’m unlearning all of that. I don’t need or want to be friends with everyone. Even within the queer community, I just don’t seem to get along with everyone. I’m a weirdo no matter where I am.

I still make friends, but I don’t seek them out haphazardly like I used to. I look for friends with similar interests, but different enough to keep me on my toes.

And I have several people I call family. But I used to toss that word around to anybody I felt like I could be close to. That’s been changing.

Last year I met a group of people at Yosemite. We followed each other on Instagram. Today I found out they all unfollowed me. This kind of thing used to bother me. I’d ask what I did for this to happen. But part of what I’m changing is that if someone unfollows me, I’ll do the same. No big deal. Our acquaintance has simply come to an end. No need to hold onto everyone in my life at all times.

My hope is to become more chill about how I find my friends and even found family. Because I was not chill about friendship as a kid.

This gets weird around my birthday, though. My intrusive thoughts become intense again and I want to delete all of my social media. I just want to get back to having a good friend’s phone number and email. And maybe their Discord if they have it. But Tumblr has been chill. There’s too many ways to stay connected at all times these days. And I’m just trying to shake off those intrusive thoughts.

[parachellum]

I don't have another fandom blog, so I'm just putting this here, but I'm putting it under a cut so it doesn't fucking blast anyone's dash like the color of the rainbow post. But feel free to ignore this bc this is not sams related lmao

But anyways, I have Thoughts about Stolitz from Helluva Boss and nowhere to put them so I'm putting them out to the void and yeah, sorry, it is long as fuck 😔. My general opinion is that I do like the ship, I find it compelling and I want to study it under a microscope, but I do think the show doesn't really execute it well.

First of all, the show establishes them to be in a business/transactional relationship, but suddenly shows that they want genuine intimacy with each other? Like, where did that appear? Before episode 6, I mean. Episode 6 is the first time that the series shows that they both may like each other, but before this, they don't hang out in a particularly "romantic" way or even get to know each other. It's just constant sexually aggressive flirting from Stolas and Blitzo being annoyed. And you can argue that episode 5 shows that Blitzo may like Stolas because he chooses to save him over teaming up with Striker, but I don't think it does a particularly good job of it. We don't really see them appreciate each other as people, so the foundation and defining quality of Stolitz so far is still majorly transactional sex. Which is to say there's not really a foundation for a romantic attraction or any implication that there's something that draws them towards each other beyond business and sex.

Then Ep 6 happens and I like... Honestly, I can accept how they portrayed Stolitz with Blitzo in his hallucination scene, I can see why Blitzo would want to be with Stolas beyond "fuck him to keep the grimoire and keep IMP open". Similarly with Stolas with his focus episode in S2 EP1, which kind of explains why he wants Blitzo beyond physical, but I don't think the show does enough to justify them feeling *genuine* affection. At best, I think they show that they're using each other for personal emotional gain rather than caring about each other. And there needs to be more development to show the transition from that to romantic attraction.

I think Stolitz has the potential to be a ship that showcases how two people navigate their own emotional baggage and inability to communicate properly to change themselves to actually get a proper relationship (which I think is what most people find appealing? Not the actual relationship as presented in the show, but the "I can fix him/them" fantasy of it), but I do think the series doesn't develop it well enough or went through with it too fast.

Like, in Blitzo's hallucination scene, I can buy that he may want Stolas beyond a transactional relationship, but not because he really loves him. I don't think the scene frames Stolas as his "ideal lover" as most people seem to read it. Rather it shows Blitzo's awareness of the power dynamic, but also the fact that Blitzo craves recognition and praise from people, especially authority figures, which Stolas is. Compared to Blitzo, Stolas is far more powerful and successful as well as a Prince; that he would give Blitzo attention even though Blitzo is an imp is probably like catnip to Blitzo. On the other hand, when Blitzo climbs up the stairs, we see 1) Stolas' feathers cleans up all the gunk and 2) Blitzo is also cleaned from the mud/paint and his clothes transform to his work suit. Blitzo creating his own business despite being an imp has shown to have garnered him respect (like with Striker), but it's also only because of Stolas that he can even recreate his own identity to be this respectable boss figure; I think there is a sense of debt that Blitzo feels towards Stolas. But the main point seems to be that while he feels indebted and trapped by Stolas' attraction to him, it's also because of Stolas that he himself feels "clean" and "worthy"

All in all, rather than genuine romantic attraction, it feels more like Blitzo likes Stolas because of how he wants a solution to his own insecurities and sees that being provided by Stolas, as well as the fact that he may want approval from such an authority figure-- especially one that doesn't seem to be chased off by his usual front of crassness or pushing people away. Like a "I want to date the people I envy" type of deal. It also seems like Stolas is the only person Blitzo is currently having sexual relations with? Or at least on the regular, so that probably adds to the confusion between projecting his emotional baggage and attraction.

For Stolas, in the S2 Ep1, it felt more like he's projecting a memory of happiness onto Blitzo rather than genuinely liking Blitzo. One of the most impactful moments in Stolas' childhood is the day he met Blitzo; it's a moment of genuine joy and connection, and from the way he recognizes Blitzo immediately, it's clear he obsesses over that, especially in his loveless marriage. From the way the show then presents Stella and his time at the party, it doesn't look like he made any more meaningful bonds with other people. Stolas, I think, even mentions it himself: he's been waiting to feel this kind of passion and it feels even more meaningful that it comes from "his very first friend". It feels more like a desperate attempt to latch onto just one relationship in which he feels he's not trapped within his own social status as well as to relive his past when he felt happier and less weighed down by his obligations to marriage and social appearance. I think he does feel that he can be his true self around Blitzo, but it's less because of who Blitzo is as a person and more because of what sentimental nostalgic value Stolas has projected onto Blitzo/what Blitzo represents to Stolas.

Like, they're both essentially using each other to deal with their own insecurities/baggage (short of actually addressing it and/or getting therapy) and not really caring about each other as people. But I think it would be compelling to see them work through that to either break off from this mutually toxic relationship or work on themselves to commit to an actually healthy relationship.

But then the show tries to jump to them already having romantic feelings without doing the dirty work of dissecting their insecurities and showing how that develops into genuine affection for each other. To me at least, Stolas saving Blitzo in Ep6 doesn't really show he loves Blitzo; to be more specific, that his desire to escape his own aristocratic life and marriage through Blitzo has transformed into love I think you can still argue that he just doesn't want to lose his only outlet of self-expression, or what having sex with Blitzo does *for him*.

On the other hand. I can definitely see the transition happening in Ep 7 when Stolas realizes he's hurt Blitzo and wants to end the transactional relationship to make Blitzo happy. But! The point still stands that I don't think the show really makes it clear what the trigger for that transition was, what about Blitzo made him see Blitzo as a person rather than tool to deal with his own trauma? What made him treat this outing/date more seriously and with more emotional investment than the monthly sex or the time at Loo Loo Land, etc?

I know it's now getting Stolas to address the power imbalance part by getting a crystal for Blitzo so that their transactional relationship will be dissolved, but it doesn't actually address the fact that Stolas' attraction towards Blitzo kind of amounts to (or should amount to) him just wanting to feel better about his own life rather than Blitzo, like does he even know who Blitzo is?? Outside of sex and work?? I don't think so. And if he does, the show doesn't show that, so it's kind of a moot point.

Although, for Blitzo, it's in-character that he's still confusing his own hang-ups with romantic attraction, because he still hasn't really gotten over his coping mechanisms or worked on himself. The show still shows that he's constantly coming onto other people to make himself feel better rather than thinking about what the other people *need*; for example, Loona as a 22yo doesn't need the overprotective and doting father in her life, but that is the type of father Blitzo *wants* to be. He's thinking about his own childhood and daddy issues and the father he wished he had instead of what will actually help and match Loona. Similarly, he completely ignores all the boundaries sets by his sister and hunts her down for reconciliation because he wants to patch things up and not because she needs him in her life; she just wants to move on from him.

However, I do still think HB probably should've shown Blitzo and Stolas interacting with each other beyond the "Stolas aggressively comes onto Blitzo and Blitzo gets irritated" dynamic and allowed them to have moments where they realize qualities about the other that makes them go "maybe he isn't so bad after all" or "he's someone I'd like to know more about". For me, to make this relationship work or be viable, there has to be something genuine about their dynamic despite the miscommunications and transactional set-up, because that should be the real foundation of their romantic attraction.

BUT I also acknowledge that this is an indie animation series, so they deserve some slack. Especially since the time between video uploads can take months. I doubt they want to release an episode to their fans and audience only for it to develop a character arc by a micro-inch. I can see why they want to make the pacing a bit faster and hit the main beats of the ship development. And I probably just feel this way because I binged all the published episodes recently instead of waiting out the hiatus like a true fan. In any case, I still like Stolitz and would pay my fucking soul to get them to talk to each other like actual adults.

[system-of-a-feather]

I guess I'll settle with this soundtrack for now. But honestly the whole autism diagnosis came up because we were trying to pass by one of our long term confusions by which is just how extremely low personal understanding and motivation to be "part of a group" or to gain approval or maintain attachments and just this general deeply rooted social instinct and all that people seem to have that we just really don't. Cause it goes beyond just trauma and dissociation on the account that we literally don't have a part that expresses grief over our parents neglect or abuse in the sense of being loved, nor do we have a part that clings to an abuser nor have we ever really been motivated to try to make someone like us beyond how we were taught to "pick people that needed us to be our friends cause they'd be more loyal" (its fucked in practice we know). We just have this huge subtype of alter like completely missing in our system and have little reason to suspect they are there. We have this large adversion to molding to someone else's standards or joining a group someone else made because we don't innately care about JOINING anything and those that we do, we have a horrible tendency to dominate and take it over and co-opt the group under us cause we don't change for our environment and peers, we change the environment and peers for us or leave

And we keep it in check and shit, but every few months our subsystem especially (minus XIV) sit here and try to figure out what is wrong with us (not derogatory, cause we dont care if something is "wrong" or "broken" its whatever, it just is an INCOMPLETE picture and mystery we cant solve) cause in every trauma space, DID space, AuDHD and all space we go into we always just get hit with the realization that we REALLY don't understand or relate to what seems to be this innate need and drive and desire for belonging and how most people experience love, cause we have parts that exudingly love people and things, but even then we still look at it and go "well we could live without it at any point"

So its just always baffled us. NPD and ASPD kinda explained shit but not really, and Autism kinda explained shit, but not really and C-PTSD, DID, and attachment styles explained shit but not enough that it felt like the right piece in the puzzle

And honestly I think its a combination between what our therapist called one of the three main types / theories of autism which is the "doesn't differentiate between objects and people in terms of empathy and attachment" combined with disorganized/dismissive attachment and the autism + excessive trauma and neglect + attachment style issues + the amount of crisises we faced at a young age and survived ended up just creating this stupidly absurd independence and sense of self agency that we just kinda completely missed this whole... social support thing cause we just jumped into creating social systems and organizations before ever being part of one

But thats a lot of hogwash, cause really we still never got a clear issue or fully pieced together answer as to What the Fuck is with us, cause with however much we've hung around in mental illness communities we really havent found many people with the sheer level of deep rooted hyper independence and deep inability to understand the need to fit in like, at all.

Its weird shit honestly and it really doesn't matter to us in practice or how we see ourselves as we have zero intent to fix it anymore than we already keep an eye out to keep it from being maladaptive - XIV everytime we spend time pondering this always goes "for real guys who TF cares it serves us like a god" - but Riku and I sit here with our hands on our chin cause we know it doesnt mean shit but we really like to have our completed webbed visions of how shit works internally and with the world and thosr around us and this thing is just a black hole in our understanding of ourselves as a whole and our relation to others.

(Btw im a gatekeeper so I'm allowed to do this and give Riku the pass to do this, I've been greenlit by Ray as well so dw /hj)

See the thing in our system thats annoying about being a fragment is that unlike the more developed parts that have a musical signature and natural draw to music that the system then intentionally conditions and gives rights to - I just don't have anything that stands out and I'm like "You know maybe I'll be involved more, I kind of like how things make my brain work, I should try to set up a means of contact by finding my music signature" and I just don't have it or any clue what it would be

Like yay. This is helpful

-404

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

I suspect quite a few people on this site don’t realize they are struggling with the effects of chronic trauma. In particular I think more people need to learn about the symptoms of C-PTSD.

Distinct from general PTSD, Complex PTSD is caused by prolonged, recurring stress and trauma, often occurring in childhood & adolescence over an extended period of time. There are many risk factors, including: abusive/negligent caregivers, dysfunctional family life, untreated mental/chronic illness, and being the target of bullying/social alienation.

I’m not a mental health professional and I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone, I just remember a million watt light bulb going off in my head when I first learned about C-PTSD. It was a huge OH MY FUCKING WORD eureka moment for me—it explained all these problems I was confused and angry at myself for having. The symptoms that really stood out to me were:

Negative self-perception: deep-seated feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, and stigma. Feeling like you are different from everyone else, like something is fundamentally ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with you.

Emotional avoidance of topics, people, relationships, activities, places, things etc that might cause uncomfortable emotions such as shame, fear, or sadness. Can lead to self-isolation.

Learned helplessness: a pervasive sense of powerlessness, often combined with feelings of desensitization, wherein you gradually stop trying to escape or prevent your own suffering, even when opportunities exist. May manifest as self-neglect or self-sabotage. (I remember watching myself make bad choices and neglect my responsibilities, and having no idea why I was doing it, or how to stop myself. Eventually I just stopped caring, which led to more self-neglect.)

Hyper-vigilance: always feeling “on edge,” alert, unable to relax even in spaces that should feel safe. May be combined with an elevated “flight” response, or feelings of always being prepared to flee. (I used to hide important documents and possessions in a sort of emergency go bag, even when I was living alone and there was no logical reason other than it made me feel “prepared.”)

Difficulty regulating emotions: may include mood swings, persistent numbness, sadness, suicidal idealization, explosive anger (or inability to feel anger and other strong emotions), inability to control your emotions, confusion about why you react the way you do.

Sense of foreshortened future: assuming or feeling that you will die young. Recurring thoughts that "I'll be dead before the age of 30/40/18/21 etc." As a teenager I used to joke darkly that I didn't plan to live past 30—not because I planned to end my life, but because I simply couldn't imagine myself alive and happy in the long-term. I couldn't imagine a meaningful future where I wasn't suffering.

Emotional flashbacks: finding yourself suddenly re-experiencing feelings of helplessness, panic, despair, or anger etc, often without understanding what has triggered these feelings. Often these flashbacks don’t clearly relate to the memory of a single event (since C-PTSD is caused by repetitive events, which can blur together), making them harder to identify as flashbacks—especially if you’ve never heard the phrase “emotional flashback” and don’t know what to look for. For years I just filed it under “sometimes I overreact/freak out randomly for no reason, probably bc I am just a terrible human being.” (It turns out there was very much a reason, it was just hidden in the past. I have since learned to be kinder and less judgemental towards myself.)

There are other symptoms too, here are more links with good info.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, because I’ve noticed that a lot of the people I interact with online have risk factors and experiences similar to mine. These include:

growing up in a dysfunctional household

having caregivers who do not fulfill basic emotional needs (do not provide consistent positive attention, encouragement, support, acceptance, communication, a sense of safety and security)

on a very related note, experiencing neglect or abuse at the hand of caregivers or other adults. I also want to emphasize the significance of emotional abuse, since it is hard to recognize, easy to ignore, and utterly rampant in so many communities. In general, family dysfunction, abuse & neglect are quite difficult to identify when you are a child/teen and that is the only “normal” you have known.

(For example, in my family it manifested as an emotionally absent father I was vaguely frightened of, constant nagging from a hypercritical mother, and a house full of people who yelled and screamed at each other. It took me years to realize I grew up in an abusive environment, because there was no physical violence, because I participated in the fighting, and because my behavioral problems made me the family scapegoat. And I internalized that guilt: I thought I was the problem. But no—I was a child, and I deserved not to grow up in a household full of anger and fear and negativity. You deserved that too. You deserved to grow up safe and loved and treated with kindness.) 

anyway back to more risk factors:

being neurodivergent or chronically ill (especially without receiving proper treatment/support/accommodation)

being queer (especially in a conservative or undiverse community, or without the support and acceptance of family & friends)

being the target of bullying or harassment (from peers, teachers, authority figures, irl, online, etc)

being isolated or alienated from peers, from family, from your wider community.

growing up with chronic anxiety, discomfort, pain, fear, or distress caused by any of the above and more.

There are many other experiences that can cause chronic trauma, but these are some particularly common ones I see people in my own community struggling with. And I want more people to be aware of this, because we’ve been taught to ignore and second-guess the significance of our traumatic experiences. We’ve been taught to feel guilty for our own pain, because ���other people aren’t struggling, so I shouldn’t either” or (contradictorily) “other people have it worse, so I shouldn’t complain.” But that’s not how it works—you are not other people, and you deserve to have it better. We all deserve better. We deserve to be happy. We deserve not to be in pain.

I used to think I couldn’t have a trauma disorder because (I argued in my head) the things that happened to me weren’t that bad. And then I spent five years in therapy learning to accept the full extent of my issues. I’ve since learned that trauma comes in many forms, and can happen quietly, invisibly, silently, chronically, and usually without the survivor being aware of the long-term repercussions of what they are surviving. That revelation comes later, after you have survived and must instead learn to live.

Finally, no single type of trauma is more real or harmful than any other. Severity is measured by the way the individual is affected, and the same situations affect different people in different ways. Because no one gets to choose how their brain reacts to trauma. No one gets to choose their hurt—otherwise there would be a hell of a lot less hurting in the world.

We can, however, choose to seek help. We can learn to recognize when something is wrong, we can learn when to reach out to professionals, and we can learn to educate ourselves on our injuries.

And gradually, we can learn to heal.

(posts like this brought to you by ko-fi supporters)

[purplespaceace]

very few characters actually have adhd in media, and when they do, what people mean by that is just that they fidget a lot, not that they have adhd. the only character with adhd I can think of where I’ve watched/read it and I’ve gone, “oh, this character actually has adhd” is Jake peralta from Brooklyn 99. so, here’s my take on how to write adhd, with examples from Brooklyn 99.

I’ll do the best I can to separate them into three categories; the three things people look for in adults with ADHD, which are rejection sensitivity dysphoria, an interest-based nervous system, and emotional hyperarousal.

I’ll also randomly bold and italicize bits so people with ADHD can actually read it.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria makes people with ADHD overly sensitive to criticism, even if they perceive a rejection and there actually isn’t one. Their emotions are also very strong generally. Because of RSD, people with ADHD become people-pleasers and can develop anxiety because they’re so eager to please.

For me, RSD makes me cry an embarrassing amount for any little reason. in your writing, make your characters overdramatic, criers, and/or people-pleasers. They’ll have trouble saying no. They may also be over competitive, as their perceived rejection may include losing.

how does Jake show this in b99? When Jake comes up with a catchphrase and Rosa says it’s terrible, jake is far more hurt than he should be. He hates losing, and he gets overly upset whenever someone says they don’t like him or don’t trust him, etc. he’s also a people pleaser who has trouble saying no.

An interest-based nervous system

An interest-based nervous system includes hyperfocuses and an inability to pay attention. It stems from the fact that we can’t make as much dopamine as neurotypicals. This means that while neurotypicals get dopamine after completing a task, people with ADHD don’t. That means that people with ADHD don’t have any reason to do tasks, especially those they don’t like. This leads to executive dysfunction—people with ADHD will know they have to or want to do something, but they can’t seem to do it. people with ADHD hyperfocus on things that bring them dopamine. I was obsessed with warrior cats for three years. But hyperfocuses can also last a short amount of time—I’ll have a drawing idea in the middle of class and won’t be able to concentrate on anything else before I finish it. this is where our impulsiveness comes from. we can leap into things we think will give us dopamine without thinking, which can lead to injury. We also tend to tell people personal things they don’t want to hear because of this, and don’t have very good boundaries. We sometimes say whatever comes into our head, which can also result in us being rude on accident. Our voices can also get very loud or we can interrupt people frequently because we’re so impulsive. When people with ADHD hyperfocus, they can forget about anything else. I’ll forget to eat if I’m busy reading a Wikipedia article about feminism in the 1850s, and won’t go to the bathroom or drink water either. It’s also important to note that taking away distractions doesn’t help, because we can do things like pick at our skin and daydream—something that people with ADHD do a lot of. Because of executive dysfunction, people can call people with ADHD lazy or irresponsible.

people with ADHD can also be extremely indecisive because ADHD affects our executive functioning, and making decisions requires planning and prioritizing, and task initiation, which are both executive functions!

people with ADHD also have poor memory for important things, but tend to remember random bits of trivia. Poor memory leads to object permanence problems, which means people with ADHD can forget to call a friend back for weeks, forget that they need to read library books in a closed cabinet, or forget that the vegetables they got will go bad. People can sometimes say that people with ADHD don’t care about anything because of this.

people with ADHD can also be prone to depression because of under or overstimulation. Boredom feels painful for people with ADHD. If we’re overstimulated, we can experience sensory overload—if things are too bright or too loud, if too many things are touching us at once—often it’s not because the thing is too intense, but because too many things are happening at once.

We also have something some people call dolphin brain, where we jump from one thing to another. From the outside, it looks really random, but I find that when I’m talking to another neurodivergent communication is generally easier. For instance, someone with ADHD might see a bee at a baseball field and tell their team about the time they saw whales at seaworld because their little brother was also stung by a wasp there. people will see no connection on the outside, but it makes perfect sense to the person with ADHD.

people with ADHD can also be overachievers, either because they hyperfocus on schoolwork or their RSD makes it so that failing at something isn’t an option. people with ADHD can also be very controlling and stubborn, probably because we hyperfocus on something and cant handle it being any different, and any change to our plans can be seen as rejection.

we can also have a hard time ordering our thoughts or doing stuff like math in our head. a lot of the time I number my thoughts like, 1. this reason, 2. this reason, etc. even if theres only two or sometimes I just need the 1. as a transition for my brain. when I don’t write it down or organize it like that it feels like I’m trying to grasp ropes that have been covered in oil (it’s not going to happen) and then my brain gets all jumbled and I have to restart at the beginning. this is probably just me, but it feels the same way when I’m reading long paragraphs of something uninteresting, or even short bits of historical documents because the way they phrase things is really pompous and hard to process.

also, stuff like caffeine calms us down and helps us focus. people who don’t take medication (me) often drink coffee or caffeinated sodas to focus.

another random tip, but if your character with ADHD also is genderfluid or genderflux, they might have a hard time figuring out their gender sometimes, because we can be known to have a hard time putting our feelings into words or our brains will just go, “nope, not thinking about that right now” and move on, which can be pretty frustrating.

people with adhd also have a trait called time blindness, where we have no idea how long something takes and therefore can’t manage our time very well. this often results in us being late or just sitting around the house because we got ready way too early.

we also have something called consequence blindness—we do things and are completely unaware of the consequences. if I don’t brush my teeth, I get cavities. but I don’t think about that when I’m deciding I’m too tired to brush my teeth.

in b99, jake regularly stays up all night solving cases and watches documentaries on random topics. He’s also very distractible—when they’re trying to find the person who sent Captain Holt death threats in the train yard, Jake says he and captain holt should take a train trip together sometime. Jake says that he’ll forget Amy if they don't work together because he’s like a goldfish.

Emotional hyperarousal

This is the only thing people tend to include when writing characters: the fidgeting. People with ADHD tend to need more stimulation than others, so we’ll do things like draw during class and chew on pens.

people with ADHD can also have apd, or auditory processing disorder. we tend to watch shows with subtitles on and may take a second to process what you’re saying, or hear it wrong. The subtitles thing may be partially do to creating just the right amount of stimulation, but if I don’t have subtitles, me and my other friends with ADHD will watch tv with the volume turned up very high. People with ADHD also can have a hard time interpreting other people‘s tone and have a hard time controlling their own. They can be bad at social cues and have poor manners because we don’t pick up on that stuff.

people with ADHD also tend to observe everything or nothing at any given time, mostly based on the amount of stimulation they have—if they dont have a lot in their main task, they’ll need to take in something else at the same time. Likewise, if I’m hyperfocusing on something I often don’t notice anything else, like if someone asks me a question.

in b99, Jake fidgets with things a lot. In the intro, he’s picking up and examining a figurine on his desk, likely because he was bored with paperwork or some other task.

[anxiouspotatorants]

Honestly with the exception of like, the last 2.5 episodes of season 3 (and I say 2.5 because Jess was ready and willing to go to the prom with Rory in ep 19), I don't consider Jess and Rory's relationship to be as horrible as many people who hate him do. Yes, he wasn't completely honest in certain moments (like with the swan attack) and there were other moments where their lack of communication proved to be a problem for Rory, but I feel like they found an equal footing of sorts in their relationship by the time episode 18 comes around. Like you hear about Jess spending time with her every weekend, doing movie nights and organizing meetups with each other. And that's when shit hits the fan by the time the end of the season comes around. And when it does, it is AWFUL, but before that, it really did feel like Jess was also learning the wheels behind what Rory wanted as well and was not only willing to hear her out but also respected her perspective. Like I can even say that in certain moments like with Dean, Jess was kind of even better than Logan because sure, he was insecure and jealous, but he didn't ever take it out on Rory for that. He just wanted her to let him know when she'd hang out with Dean, he didn't forbid her from it or taunt her once she did.

Oh I have so many thoughts about this (some I've probably shared before, but it's been a while and I want to rant literati) that I simply have to apologize because this is going to be a long one:

So first off, not only do I think Jess is a flawed boyfriend, but I'm glad that he is. A lot of shows featuring teen romance have a tendency to write them either really soapy or like the perfect coupling between two teens with the emotional maturity and experience of somebody in their 30s. I really appreciate that ASP and the writers' room kept Rory's first three big relationships flawed in a way that made sense. Yes, her and Jess are incredibly smart and right for each other, but they're also allowed to be childish and mess up as they figure out what they want to be to each other.

Second, I think that he was both a flawed boyfriend and a good one. Like you said, Jess did learn and improve whenever the opportunity presented itself. Once he was with Rory he actually revealed how mature he could be: he changed when she opened up about her wants but also set boundaries for himself, he didn't isolate her from others, he made an effort with her family and befriended her friends, he made compromises on activities and was calm and patient around romantic rivals. What made their relationship doomed to fail is something you find in a lot of couples anyway: crap self-esteem and an inability to share and display vulnerability. At first that inability could be overlooked, because it was about swans and rowdy exes, but when bigger issues occured (like getting behind on school and his dad appearing) that inability blew a massive hole in their relationship. This doesn't make him a horrible person, just somebody who needed to work on himself in order to make relationships work. (Also I don't read that scene as badly as some do, but the bedroom scene at Lane's gig can be really hard to swallow. The writers could easily have written this to go a lot darker than they did, and I don't shame anyone who are unable to root for Jess after it.)

Now I can't speak for all of Logan's run as a boyfriend (I remember so little about seasons 6 and 7 and it's taken me basically two years to reach them now), but from a seasons 1-5 perspective Jess is the obvious best boyfriend in my mind. Both because of how suitable he was with Rory on several levels (interests, intellect, understanding) but also because of how differently each of them reacted to the same issues. Whenever Dean caught wind of potential romantic rivals he would get loud and angry and often blame Rory simply for existing and being kind and unprejudiced. When Jess was made fully aware of how Dean planned to 'steal' Rory back, he remained calm and asked only to be in the know of Rory's friendship with Dean. When Dean got egged on by Jess he grabbed every bait and then some. When Logan fished for fights with Jess, he consciously kept himself on a leash and left when he realized he couldn't anymore. When Jess was confronted by Rory about her feelings for him and then for her wish to be spoiled, he listened and did what he could to set things in order. When Rory calmly told Logan that she wanted a relationship and respected his lack of desire for one, he lashed out and accused her of forcing him into something he didn't want before doing a 180 and begging to be her boyfriend. When Jess was made aware that his pranks were actually hurting people, he toned it down. When Rory begged Logan not to steal from her grandparents for a secret society ritual, he did it anyway and kept his mouth shut as the maid risked her job until Lorelai forced his hand.

None of these boys are perfect. And in some things the other two did better than Jess (Jess did have a tendency to make things harder for himself with the townies, where Dean caused no trouble and participated enough to be accepted as a townie, for example) but overall Jess has the best track records so far. And it says a lot that he has that when he was still incredibly flawed and seasons away from his massive character glow-up.

[antianakin]

@browncesario

I mean, I think Bode's backstory of "my wife died and now I'm doing terrible things to protect my child because they're all I have left" is a very typical sort of storyline, we've seen it everywhere. Sometimes it lands more like the parent not treating the child well out of a desire to protect them, but it's the same general gist. I'm not a parent myself, so I can't speak to how relatable it is from that perspective, but I think it's a perfectly relatable storyline, it just isn't sympathetic for me. Because Bode had other choices, and thousands of people have died because of him. He's literally murdered people. Anakin is intended to be similarly relatable (and probably sympathetic) in that he wants to save someone he loves from dying and ends up being willing to do more than most would be willing to do in order to achieve that goal.

What Star Wars has a tendency of doing is taking that "I'd burn the world for you" feeling and following it to its actual end result and saying "Is that truly love, though? Would you ACTUALLY want that if it were offered to you? What kind of relationship would that actually be and how would you truly feel in it? How might your partner ultimately end up treating you if that's the kind of person they are?" Star Wars takes that feeling and says that it's not a selfless romantic gesture, it's SELFISH. Massively so.

Bode is selfish, and the game has so far made no bones about that fact. Yes, he claims to be doing it to protect Kata from the Empire because he was too scared that he wouldn't be able to do it himself without making this deal, but it's not truly about Kata, it's about his inability to live without her. And what kind of life does Kata even truly have? She's seemingly stuck on an ISB base full of Imperial agents and no other children or places for her to go to play. She's alive, sure, but Bode already mentions he's gone more often than he isn't, which leaves Kata to be taken care of by the very people who want to kill her, the people who killed her mother. So what kind of life has this deal led to Kata having? And you wonder how Kata might ultimately start to feel about her father as she grows older and starts to truly figure out what her father's done in her name. Would Kata have been better off if Bode had just had more faith and built a small community of trustworthy individuals the way Cal did with the Mantis crew? So the choice Bode makes isn't truly about what's best for Kata or giving her the best life possible, it's just about making sure he never has to lose her, no matter what he has to do to accomplish it or how many other people's families he has to destroy to keep his own.

I get the shipping impulses, shipping can be weird and I can't say I haven't had my fair share of weird ships that make no sense except in my own head. Bode and Cal are constantly saying how close they've gotten during the game, Bode calls Cal his best friend in the world, etc. so the shipping potential is obviously THERE because if the connection between the two characters doesn't exist then the tragedy of his betrayal isn't as impactful. I don't personally ship it, I don't think I had quite enough small sweet moments with Bode and Cal to get there the way we do with Cal and Merrin who are obviously the actual canonical couple in the game and I quite like them. But I do understand the appeal of Bode/Cal.

As for how I was able to devote this much thought to the character dynamics before I finished the game, anyone who's been following me long enough can tell you I'm a chronic overthinker. I think a LOT about the media I choose to engage in, particularly in something like Star Wars which doesn't exist on its own anymore and is part of a large sweeping franchise that grants context to everything new that comes out. I'm looking at Jedi Survivor with that context of decades of history and years of thoughts I've ALREADY had about characters and themes in the franchise. I'm also literally one mission away from finishing the game, I'm like 95% done with it, it's not like I'm missing tons of crucial information here. The mystery has been revealed, the backstory has been told, I've spent all that time building up the relationship between Bode and Cal, all that's left is how it ends. And I don't see a lot of variation in how this ends for Bode, quite honestly. So I've got plenty to work from in terms of how much thought I am capable of putting into this dynamic.

I saw so many posts claiming very sad loving feelings for Bode Akuna, so I kept waiting for that to come up for me in the game and actually now that I've gotten his whole sob story all I am feeling is "fuck you Bode." I'm pretty sure I'm SUPPOSED to feel bad for him, and I imagine Cal will, too, by the end, a good Jedi would, obviously, but I just... don't.

I do think it's interesting that last game's main antagonist was an Inquisitor and they're very deliberately comparing Bode to the Inquisitors in this by reminding us over and over again that Bode wasn't tortured or broken, Bode had a choice and made the selfish one. Trilla was sympathetic, on so many levels. But Bode is just selfish. Bode hunts down and kills his own people by choice because his own desires are more important than anything else.

And of course then his choice to call down Vader upon the Hidden Path just feels that much more apt because of how similar he and Anakin are in their vices and motivations. He causes the direct and indirect deaths of multiple Jedi, he brings about the destruction of what should be a safe haven from Force Sensitive people, he allows the loss of even more Jedi history and knowledge from the galaxy.

So in the end, I don't really feel all that sorry for Bode. He had choices, he had options, and no one epitomizes that more than Cal himself. It's not like Cal isn't also being hunted by the Empire and specifically by the Inquisitors. Cal lost everything, too. But Cal decided not to become a completely selfish asshole in the aftermath.

[dualityvn]

a fun new puzzle? Nightmare you shouldn't have (i know this has taken an uncharacteristically long time, school is busy)

ok so, who is 'he' and what does he want? I've read through everything that's been posted/answered/asked and i have some thoughts. like terrorstricken suggested in their ask, i also think 'he' is after the MC more than the boys.

setting that aside for now, lets compile what we know. we know that 'he' talked to Keith right after the MC met him, presumably About the MC, we know Tenebris got knocked out somehow when this happened, and that that is (presumably) something that is out of the ordinary. we know Tenebris can still lie about this situation (and in general) by lying of omission, and we know that he is not totally in the dark about all of this. We know that 'he' choose Keith, both because of Tenebris' inability to lie and the fact that Keith is more desperate. the fact that 'he' knows this means that 'he' also knows about Keith and Tenebris' situation, because right now the MC doesn't know that Tenebris cannot lie, so if 'he' has this information then 'he' picked the boys purposefully.

of all of the asks about 'his', for lack of a better word, occupation, the only one to so far get a somewhat positive response was about if 'he' was a teacher, which received the answer of 'kinda'. i personally take this to mean that he instructed Keith on what to say to the MC or how to act in order to achieve whatever mutual goal they have.

referring back to my current holy grail, terrorstricken's ask once again (wonderful job on that ask by the way, gave lots of juicy insight. kissing you (with consent)) i wanna expand upon the concept that Keith doesn't trust 'he', because i think that idea can give us a lot on insight on motivations. while i personally think that 'he' Did say "something something romance" to Keith, i also think that Keith is understandably very wary of this guy. the whole 'did he lie' response very much communicates that Keith does not place a lot of trust in him, which makes sense since Keith was presumably just approached by this guy out of nowhere, an idea that is backed up by Tenebris "having no clue" who this guy is. Tenebris not knowing who he is paints a pretty soild picture of this being their first interaction with 'he'. And Keith is naturally a very wary person, so that means he would have had to have said something Really convincing to Keith to make him follow his advice. But he did because Keith is desprate and 'he' knows that. ugh

also real quick, an initial thought i had had regarding Tenebris being knocked out was "maybe hes just asleep", but i loaded up the demo to check the timing of everything and earlier that morning we encounter both boys on the crosswalk while we are heading to work and they are wearing Tenebris' clothes. It doesnt make sense for Keith to remain in Tenebris' clothes if he alone is in control because Tenebris is asleep. this isnt super important beyond just proving/pointing out that Tenebris was knocked out on purpose, i just thought it was an interesting point to point out.

something else to consider is that Tenebris Did Look at the MC while they were on their way out of the flower shop because he was interested in them from hearing Keiths thoughts. this is also presumably part of the reason that we see them on the crosswalk the next day, Tenebris trying to get a better look at a later time. The crosswalk incident happened Before we went to work, so clearly something isnt adding up. either they would have had interest in the MC regardless of 'his' interference, Keith had met with 'him' sometime before, or some other amalgamation.

i dont know. what i do know is that i Do Not trust this 'he' character, i dont think hes up to anything good. what is he up to? heck if i know. but that is why im here. to torture myself (willingly) until i figure it out. boy it sure is great to be back

It's great to have you back, Cacti <3 Everything you've said is mostly right. And actually, Tenebris was on the side walk that one time by pure chance. He hadn't started stalking MC, he just happened to be on that route and only after that did he follow them to work to find out more. And indeed, Tenebris was interested before our mistery man showed up.

Then he got knocked out, he woke up while Keith was in control and quickly after, got put back in control.

[renidrag]

hi I’m here to overthink this show about fruity teens again. sometimes the writing is just so good

by now we’re used to riley’s particular brand of melodramatic angst rooted in her inability or unwillingness to communicate with anyone deeper than surface level. the above desire to ‘go through life being ice’ ‘pure and crystallized, no feeling’ makes sense for where she’s at currently. any kind of vulnerability whatsoever feels like weakness, especially post-the motel scene with greta where she acted on genuine feelings for maybe the first time in her life and basically got told she was a big hot slut (greta I still love u baby) 

here the ice metaphor is positioned as an infallible shield: if riley can make herself cold i.e. numb enough to the world that she feels nothing, nobody will ever be able to penetrate the wall she is building to protect herself. the teacher talks about absolute zero as ‘the lowest temperature that it is theoretically possible to achieve’ ‘at which all molecules will stop moving which means there is no energy produced’. if riley can freeze these unwanted feelings out totally, she doesn’t have to expend any energy trying to protect herself from anything that could do her emotional harm (ahem greta)

if I had to nitpick the directing in this I wish we’d seen a shot of greta starting to see what riley is speaking around here, but for their storyline it’s probably important that they still don’t really understand each other. the feelings are so there but the comprehension is not, and teenagers are innately self involved anyway

the episode ends with the conclusion of their week on thermodynamics, and riley is chosen to demonstrate an alternate property of freezing

what I think is especially inchresting is how this possibly sets up riley’s coming arc for the season: when something able to be damaged but usually resilient (a rose or like sad lil teen riley) is snap frozen cold enough, it isn’t made impenetrable like she obviously wants and has verbalised. instead, it becomes so incredibly fragile that when pressure is applied, it shatters. I just hope riley figures this out before she’s shut everyone else out enough that it becomes impossible to put herself back together afterwards

also a bonus that luz is the one to fix the fridge so it can FREEZE STUFF AGAIN which is not only an incredibly dykey thing to do but also has the side effect of making riley so upset about her apparently unreciprocated feelings for greta that she cries not once but TWICE in this episode, bringing riley’s total cry count over greta up to four. way to not care at all about someone queen 

[bbangsoonie]

backdoor

member: jaehyun (hyunjae) genre: fluff (requested) word count: 3,120 synopsis: jaehyun has always been your rival. so when he bets that he could make you fall for him, you can’t back down and say no. but when you’re too confident, you let your guard done.

backdoor: a term used in league of legends; when you secretly attack the enemy’s nexus while they’re focused elsewhere. this is done by sneaking into the enemy base and taking them by surprise

Lee Jaehyun was the cockiest and most annoying person you had ever met. You would think that growing up as childhood “friends” would make you two close. After all, your parents were best friends with his parents.

But no, you and Jaehyun had been rivals ever since you were both enrolled into a tennis club as young children. You always had the upper hand until he suddenly hit puberty and became a lot more physically fit than you. Once he started beating you in nearly every match, he became your #1 enemy.

He had always been super competitive and made everything into a contest. Who could run to the car faster? Who could receive a higher score on the exam? Who could make the other lose their temper first?

With high school came his sudden increase in popularity. It inflamed his ego to the max, which irked you to no end.

Every Valentine’s Day, he would brag about all the gifts and confessions he received. And every White Day, he would compare the numbers to yours.

He was loved by the girls for being a casanova and admired by the guys for his athleticism and gaming skills.

You, on the other hand, could not comprehend why the entire school was infatuated with him. You had your eyes on someone else. Kim Sunwoo. He had caught your attention since the first day of freshman year. Now, as a senior, you were about to graduate without ever making a move.

You were too shy to approach him. You couldn’t even find a common interest to naturally bring up and talk about. All he ever did was make music and play League of Legends.

So you found Jacob during lunch and practically begged him to teach you how to play the game.

“Please please please?” you whined.

“It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I can’t,” Jacob said apologetically. “I have basketball practice every day. Besides, I haven’t played in almost half a year. I’m rusty.”

“I just need you to teach me the basics!”

“I’m sorry, Y/n.”

Sighing, you gave up and slumped in your seat. You poked at the food in front of you with a pout.

“Did I just hear the Y/n ask Jacob to teach her how to play League?” Jaehyun suddenly popped out of nowhere.

“Fuck off,” you rolled your eyes at him as you set your chopsticks down.

“You know, I’m the highest ranked player in our school,” he said smugly. You wanted nothing but to wipe that look off his face.

You ignored him and took a sip of your water. Jacob awkwardly glanced between you and Jaehyun as he tightly held onto his spoon. He could sense another argument coming.

“I can teach you if you want,” Jaehyun offered.

“I don’t want,” you coldly rejected.

“Of course you don’t,” he scoffed. “You’re too afraid to spend time with me because you might realize that you actually like me.”

“Oh please. There are a few things in this world that will never change. The sun rising from the east, the sun setting in the west, and my hatred for you,” you said.

“Well if you hate me that much, then let’s make a bet out of it. The first one to fall for the other’s seducing loses,” he smirked.

Still stuck in the middle, Jacob shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“You don’t have to accept the challenge if you’re not confident,” Jaehyun shrugged, making you narrow your eyes at him.

A list of pros and cons was being made in your head as you contemplated the crazy suggestion. The logical part of your mind wanted nothing to do with him. You knew that stooping down to his level was childish. You had much better things to do than go along with his bet.

The competitive part of you, however, couldn’t bear to back down. You would have to deal with him flaunting over you and calling you a coward if you didn’t agree to this.

So you disregarded all rationale and crossed your arms with a curt “deal”.

The walk to school the next day was full of complaints as you whined about falling for Jaehyun’s trick and Kevin chided you for it.

“I don’t know why you thought it would be a good idea,” Kevin tsk-ed. “He makes your blood boil within seconds. How are you going to hold back from tearing him apart? Never mind flirt with him.”

“I’m already regretting it,” you groaned.

“Speaking of the devil,” Jacob coughed, nudging you.

You looked up to see Jaehyun waiting by the school gates. He was holding a bouquet of flowers and every girl who passed by whispered to their friend about it. To everyone’s shock, he walked up to you and handed you the flowers.

“So it starts now?” you stared at the roses. “You call this seducing?”

“I call this romantic,” he grinned.

Rolling your eyes, you handed Kevin the bouquet and walked away. He awkwardly chased after you as Jacob offered Jaehyun a pat on the shoulder.

“She doesn’t like roses. She thinks they’re cliché,” he said before leaving.

When the dismissal bell rang, Jaehyun was waiting for you outside of your classroom. Hushed whispers erupted again as your classmates tried to figure out why he was being so affectionate to you. It was no secret that you two never got along.

After gathering your belongings, you grabbed your backpack and left without sparing him another glance. Unfazed, he easily caught up to you and slung his arm around your shoulder.

“What? Are you wavering already?” he teased.

“Not a chance,” you scoffed.

“As a part of the bet, I can teach you how to play League. That’s what you wanted anyway. Think of it as killing two birds with one stone.”

You ignored all the incredulous looks you received with Jaehyun by your side as you left the school grounds. You didn’t realize that you weren’t headed home until you stopped in front of a PC Room. Puzzled, you stared at the building in front of you.

“I promised that I’d teach you. Our first lesson starts today,” he said as he dragged you inside.

Your brain was bombarded with a whole new world. You struggled to keep up as he rambled on about bots and gold. He was showing you a demonstration by playing a round but your inability to multitask made it difficult to understand what was going on on the screen.

“My main is Jace and I usually go jungle,” he explained and you pretended to understand by nodding. At your silence, he eyed your expression and chuckled.

“So is Sunwoo the reason why you’re suddenly interested in League?” he asked, catching you off guard.

“How did you know?” you gaped.

“You thought I wouldn’t notice your little crush on him?” he raised a brow.

You were taken aback to say the least. You didn’t think he paid much attention to you other than when he was bored and wanted to mess around.

“Anyway, he usually goes mid as Zed,” he shrugged. “To be honest, the best way for you to bond with him through the game is for him to play ADC and for you to be support.”

“As if I know what all that means,” you frowned.

At that moment, his character died and the screen went gray. You snickered, earning a light flick on your forehead.

“ADC stands for attack damage carry. It’s the champion who usually does the most attacking. They go in the bottom lane with whoever’s playing support. Supports are supposed to aid and heal the ADC. So you would follow and communicate with them.”

“Sounds complicated,” your nose wrinkled in distaste.

“Sounds fun,” he corrected before turning back to the computer.

The next day, Jaehyun surprised you with a small potted plant in front of the gates.

“Since you don’t like roses, I got you a succulent instead,” he said proudly.

Next to you, Kevin giggled and Jacob let out a soft “aww”. Slightly touched yet also slightly embarrassed, you took it from him in a hurry and stormed off.

“You’re slowly getting there,” Jacob laughed as Kevin shot him a thumbs up.

Smiling, Jaehyun watched as they ran to catch up with you. He heard you yell at them after what was probably a teasing remark. You then began to chase Kevin, who ran away shrieking.

After two weeks of spending hours at the PC Room after school, you were starting to get a hang of the game. You found Teemo, who you insisted was a dog (he’s actually a rodent), and gushed over how cute he is.

Jaehyun made fun of your champion choice and shook his head as he explained that Teemo was the most hated character.

“Why? He’s adorable!” you defended. “And I love the little eggs he plants.”

“For the nth time, those are mushrooms! Not eggs,” he exclaimed. “And that’s exactly why everyone hates him. He’s so annoying.”

“You’re annoying,” you shot back.

“Well, Teemo’s not an option right now,” he pointed out.

He was teaching you how to play Howling Abyss that day. And playing ARAM meant your champion would be randomly given.

“Oh! The cute cat is available,” you excitedly clicked.

“That’s Yuumi and that’s actually not a bad choice,” he nodded in approval. “You just have to attach onto me and heal me.”

You hated to admit that you had grown closer with Jaehyun. Only a couple of weeks had passed by since the bet and you didn’t completely despise him anymore.

He gifted you something small each morning, whether it was a plant or piece of bread. He was always waiting for you at the gates. Dating rumors were already circulating the school but you hadn’t forgotten about the bet. You were determined to win it.

Which was why you began to wake up earlier to put on makeup and even complimented him during games. It was easy to make him smile. All you needed to do was throw a lame joke in here and there and he would burst out in laughter.

It was almost suspiciously easy. He was too willing to respond to your advances and never put up a wall.

But that didn’t mean he didn’t get on your nerves. His antics still bothered you to no end.

On the way home, he insisted on feeding you ice cream instead of having you hold it yourself. Except he kept pulling the spoon back when you opened your mouth to eat it.

The first time, you gave him a dirty look. The second time, you punched his arm. The third time, you gave him the finger and walked off after a “fuck you”.

“Is that a threat or a promise?” he laughed.

Once again, you were reminded of how immature he was.

“So has there been any progress?” Kevin asked.

It was gym period and all the students were running around in the field. Jacob was playing volleyball with Jaehyun while you and Kevin were sitting on the sidelines.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged.

“It would be the best enemies-to-lovers trope if you two actually end up dating like this,” he commented.

“Never,” you snorted in disbelief.

You had seen Jaehyun ever since he was a snotty little kid. Even back then, he was a mischievous brat. There was no way you could ever see him as anything but that.

The teacher blew his whistle, signaling the end of gym class. You got up, dusted your pants, and skipped down the steps. Unfortunately, you landed wrong and felt a sharp pain in your ankle as you fell down.

After Kevin shouted your name, Jaehyun turned his head to see you on the ground. Without thinking twice, he ran towards you and asked if you were okay. When you couldn’t reply, he put you on his back with Kevin’s help and sprinted to the nurse’s office.

Your heart was beating fast but you couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason why. Was it because of the pain? Or all the attention you were receiving from your classmates?

By the time you reached the office, your ankle was throbbing and swelling up. The nurse was nowhere to be seen so Jaehyun retrieved an ice pack himself and wrapped a towel around it before applying it.

You were sitting on a cot while he was bent down to tend to your wound. His forehead was wrinkled with worry and you stared at him. This was the first time he had ever treated you with such gentleness.

“I don’t think you broke anything but it’s definitely gonna hurt for at least a week,” he winced in vicarious pain.

You suddenly didn’t know how to act around him. You weren’t used to receiving sympathy from him.

“Uh that’s okay,” you coughed to cover up the awkwardness. You’d rather have him make fun of you for being clumsy. But instead, he seemed genuinely concerned for you.

“You should’ve been more careful,” he scolded.

There was something about the way he looked at you. His eyes were no longer playful but you couldn’t figure out what emotions hid behind those eyes.

Those eyes. His eyes clouded your mind. For some reason, you couldn’t get it out of your head.

You found yourself avoiding him as you struggled to organize your thoughts. Or rather, your feelings.

Wanting to distract yourself, you decided to finally talk to Sunwoo. Surely, spending time with him would help you forget about Jaehyun.

So you mustered up the courage to ask him out on a date. To your surprise, he happily agreed and suggested that you watch a movie together. There was a new romcom film that came out and that he had been wanting to watch.

The date wasn’t as awkward as you thought it would be. Sunwoo’s goofiness offset any nervousness and it was fun to be around him. But yet, it also wasn’t as heart fluttering as you thought it would be.

Perhaps you had idealized him too much in your imagination. Your romantic feelings for him dissipated and you saw him as a good friend. Luckily, he felt the same.

However, word about your date had already spread by the time you got to school on Monday. It had reached Jaehyun’s ears and his expression hardened when he saw you laughing with Sunwoo at lunch.

He knew what the ugly feeling in his stomach was. And he wasn’t happy about it. So he reacted in the only way he knew. By clinging to your side and pestering you.

He spent the whole day messing up your hair and being sarcastic. Eventually, you finally snapped and told him to piss off.

“I’ll consider it if you can beat me in tennis today,” he said.

You crossed your arms, wondering what was going on in his head. You hadn’t been able to defeat him since middle school.

“If you can get a single ball past me, I’ll leave you alone,” he proposed. With a huff, you reluctantly agreed. It would be faster to just get it over with.

That was how you two ended up at a tennis court after school. He never went easy on you but he was going especially hard that day. He gave you no breaks and flung the ball back at you with what felt like all his strength. Ball after ball flew past you as he grabbed another one to start again.

“What the hell, Lee Jaehyun?” you yelled across the court. “Why the fuck are you so aggressive today?”

“Are you giving up?” he taunted while bouncing the ball.

“Oh hell no,” you grumbled as you got in position.

Another half an hour passed by with him beating you again and again. You were drenched in sweat and starting to feel sore. But you refused to give him the pleasure of watching you admit defeat.

So you kept going until the ball accidentally hit your shoulder. The amount of force he put into that backhand made you yelp in pain as you dropped the racket.

Startled, Jaehyun ran over to make sure you were okay.

“You just can’t bear to see me win once, can you?” you glared as you shoved his hand away. “You turn everything into a competition and act like you’re superior over me.”

“I-I didn’t mean to do that,” his brows furrowed in guilt.

“Didn’t mean to do what? Make my childhood a living hell by ruining my favorite sport? Use my crush on Sunwoo to trick me into another stupid bet? Confuse me into thinking that you might actually not hate me?”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Then why are you so clingy?”

“Because I like you!”

His words brought upon silence. The tension in the air was thick as you both stared at each other.

“You’re so dense,” he sighed. “I wanted your attention, okay? But back then, I was a kid and didn’t know how to stay by your side without annoying the hell out of you. And then I didn’t know how to transition out of that.”

He fidgeted with a loose string on his shirt and took a deep breath before continuing.

“This stupid bet was supposed to change our relationship. I was supposed to show you that I’m not as bad as you think I am. That I’m a guy too. That I’ve been in love with you for a whole decade now.”

To say you were surprised would be a massive understatement. All your life, you had been sure that Jaehyun’s purpose in life was to irritate you. So when your heart began to skip around him, you cursed yourself for giving into the hormones that made you see him in a different light. You never thought that the feelings would be reciprocated.

“You don’t feel the same way? At all?” he carefully asked.

Your mouth opened but no words came out. You couldn’t find the right words to answer his question.

“You’re not saying no,” the corners of his lips curved up.

He took a step closer to you and held your cheeks. You felt your heart race at the proximity and froze.

“For confirmation?” his lips ghosted over yours. You barely managed to nod slightly before he closed the gap between you two.

As cheesy as it sounded, you felt sparks fly the moment you had your first kiss. By the time he pulled away, you felt your cheeks heat up.

“So I guess that means I won the bet before it even began,” you joked, making him laugh.

“Yes, yes you did,” he smiled as he hugged you.