#thinking about the times they've said it...

[amourdivine]

୨ ♡ ୧ THE LAST TIME THEY SAW YOU ୧ PAC

Hello my lovelies! Welcome to another pick a card. This reading is all about the last time you saw them! We will be looking into their feelings and thoughts, as well as channeling extra songs and messages from this person. Feedback, likes and reblogs help me grow my platform and are highly appreciated! If you liked this reading, please consider tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.comvia paypal! xo ♡

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›    none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise. ›    personal readings are available!

HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PILE.  take a few deep breaths and look at each picture separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later!

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ༉ ‧

how were they feeling the last time they saw you? knight of swords ‧ eight of pentacles ‧ queen of wands ‧ the emperor ‧ eight of cups

Oh, this person was trying to look unbothered. Busy. They were trying to make it seem like they were completely over you and not at all tempted to take a leap towards you. They were holding back their fire, their impulsivity, holding onto logic and stoicism.

This person is proud, okay, really proud. They've got a big ego and along with it, a lot of self-denial, especially when it comes to their feelings towards you. It's almost as if they feel nothing at all, but this Emperor looks nervous, he looks fidgety, like he is trying to keep his hands busy and his eyes away from the Queen of Wands. Many of the messages felt very 18+, lol.

If they left the scene early, it's probably because of you. You made them feel off, you made them feel out of control, uneasy. This person's attraction towards you is no joke, but they're not ready to deal with those feelings yet. It's as if your presence is a hurricane, taking everything down, making them question everything they worked so hard to build. Jesus, pile one, I don't know what you've done to this person, but it has a very intense emotional and physical effect on them.

what were they thinking the last time they saw you? nine of wands ‧ five of swords ‧ four of cups ‧ page of wands ‧ seven of swords

They were focusing on keeping their feelings under wraps. Not only were their nervous, but also quite sneaky. Depending on who this person is, they may have been trying to look happy with other people, so moved on, all the while feeling miserable. If the two of you talked, they may have sneaked in a few white lies about how happy they were to meet you, how good they're doing, etc.

But mostly, their mind was all over the place. They kept trying to make themselves look cooler than how they really felt, planning how they were moving, who they were going to talk to... how they'd approach you, how they'd make you jealous or make you feel inferior. This person is extremely competitive - big ego, like I said. Whatever has happened between the two of you lingers a lot on their mind and leaves them feeling ungrounded, anxious and out of control.

If a fight happened between the two of you, that's what they were thinking of. They had all the comebacks, but held back from fighting. For most of you, they just wanted to rub their happiness, their joy in your face. Regardless of how much of a lie that actually is.

channeled songs and messages. she's so gone by lemonade mouth, liar liar pants on fire, champagne, best friends forever, necklace, silver, diamond ring, "she looks nothing like you", olivia rodrigo, beef, cindy lou who by sabrina carpenter.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐖𝐎 ༉ ‧

how were they feeling the last time they saw you? seven of cups ‧ ten of wands ‧ death ‧ ten of pentacles ‧ four of wands

Gosh, they were overwhelmed inside, pile two. All the what ifs, the yearning and the missing you caught up to this person. They grieved the could've been... or perhaps they grieved what was, for some of you. Right then and there, they realized it may have been to late to fix things, to make them right again. Although they wanted to, they were too tired to bother. The sight of you was enough to bring back old memories, many of which they were probably trying to forget or get over.

A specific song came to my mind for this pile, called The Dress by Dijon. It tells the story of two people meeting up again after some time and they both seem to miss each other, still a little hurt from the breakup - but the feelings are not bitter, just sweet and intense.

For most, they felt a mixture of feelings. They probably didn't let you in on it, but it was there. Joy, sadness, hurt, anger. A lot of these emotions at once, which made them realize that they still hold out a candle for you. They still hope for something more, even if this connection is in limbo right now, their heart could not stop longing for more. There's a lot of fantasizing as well, which is why I'll get to the next portion of the reading!

what were they thinking the last time they saw you? the hanged man ‧ five of cups ‧ the devil ‧ the hermit ‧ ace of pentacles

They figured some time should go by until both of you heal some more before trying again. Honestly, this person may be intentionally giving you some space until the two of you can talk or have something more solid, more stable. They thought the wounds and hurt was too fresh, the regret still lingers and they still feel tied to these unhealthy patterns or behaviors that led to your demise.

If they treated you poorly, ghosted, rejected or even cheated on you, they deeply regret it. They may not have said it, but they're sorry for the way things turned out.

However, they want to heal. They're being more strategic about themselves, looking inward, trying to discover the aspects of them that probably unconsciously ruined this relationship. They seem pretty serious about leaving the past behind, to give it some time until the connection can be renewed. Maybe later down the line, when both of you are older, you'll be able to sit down and talk, once the two of you have forgiven your past mistakes and the regrets are not so heavy on their mind. Even if as friends, they wouldn't want to miss out on this opportunity.

channeled songs and messages. all too well by tswift, birthday candles, night time, silk dress, "stupid", 777, "i should have known", secret playlist, see you again, 405, train, bus, we meet by chance, pictures off the wall, country, folk, 00's pop.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 ༉ ‧

how were they feeling the last time they saw you? page of swords ‧ nine of pentacles ‧ knight of cups ‧ the hanged man ‧ the moon

Feelings they tried to bury deep within have come out and made this person realize they really like you. They were curious - they wanted to know if you were single, if you were seeing someone... how you were doing. But gosh, they felt so insecure, indecisive and confused. This person has deep-seated fears when it comes to relationships that they may not let on.

They wanted to talk, to reach out, to ask you out. For most of you, this is an intense crush. They like you, they do, but they have self-sabotaging tendencies that stall them, that make them stay in one place and never move. Even if this Knight of Cups doesn't wish to, he moves away from the woman in the 9 of Pentacles, like he's a walking contradiction.

This person is not used to these feelings. They seem much like a small child discovering something quite obvious to everyone else but them. I hear Rubik's Cube by Athlete in my mind, you should definitely check out the lyrics if this reading resonates.

You make them question their sanity, almost. Not in a bad way, but you've intrigued them, haunted their heart because they have been trying to figure out why these feelings are there, just why they like and want you so much, but there's just no answer. You make them giddy, you make them excited, a little nervous and high up in the clouds. They just don't want you to know that yet.

what were they thinking the last time they saw you? the empress ‧ the moon ‧ two of pentacles ‧ ace of swords ‧ the fool

Quite literally, they could not stop thinking about your beauty. You stand out to this person even if you're not trying to. They just wanted to focus on something else, but their mind kept being drawn towards you, their eyes couldn't get enough of your beauty, your charm, how intelligent, whole and perfect you seem in their eyes.

No matter how they tried to control their thoughts, their hidden world came to the surface. They were forced to acknowledge that yes, they do like you and they might have to do something about it. To take a leap of faith even if it makes them look foolish, childish or stupid in your eyes. They knew they'll have to do it scared if they want to be with you, they'll have to face their fears and insecurities in order to be worthy of you.

They may have been weighing the pros and cons in their mind as well, but the answer was bravery, courage. The cards here suggest they want to do something bold, they definitely have thought about it long enough to realize coming towards you will be a big step, but the great start of an adventure for the two of you.

channeled songs and messages. start of something new by high school musical, late night nostalgia, november, december, aquarius, pisces, venus, libra, 2, 222, breakthrough, "out with the old, in with the new", new year's eve.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 ༉ ‧

how were they feeling the last time they saw you? the world ‧ seven of swords ‧ the chariot ‧ two of wands ‧ ten of pentacles

I'm not really sure what kind of connection you may have with this person, but they were quite literally feeling on top of the world. They wanted to show off, they felt successful, accomplished - almost to an arrogant, overbearing degree - and surrounded by good things. They were likely wearing fancy clothes, being loud in the crowd, trying to catch everybody's attention, but especially yours.

It may not have seemed like they were trying to gain your approval because they seemed just so fine and comfortable in the spotlight, but secretly, they were hoping you'd look their way and feel that way about them: successful, well-known, well-read, handsome, accomplished.

Maybe they had a few too many drinks to begin with, or maybe they just partied too hard, but the feeling here is one of humble-bragging whilst simultaneously showering oneself in praise. It's quite interesting, to be honest, but the heart of the matter is that they were feeling good, looking good and they wanted to make sure you would see that. I wouldn't be surprised if this person hit on someone or several different people to try and make you jealous. The energy is not malicious, but extremely immature, f-boy almost.

what were they thinking the last time they saw you? queen of pentacles ‧ six of swords ‧ knight of cups ‧ five of pentacles ‧ five of cups

This is oddly specific, but, you probably didn't give them an ounce of attention. If you did, they didn't think it was enough. They took your actions as rejection, because you seemed so healed, so fine, so unbothered and joyful that this person could not help but think negatively afterwards.

Whatever their plan was, it didn't work with you. If they tried to play mind games, to sweep you off your feet and make you come towards them... it didn't work, so they saw themselves as some sort of failure. This person has a very fluctuating self-esteem, they seem to rely a lot on the opinions and actions of others to define their self-worth.

For whatever reason, they were hoping to gain your approval - but the fact they didn't get whatever they wanted from you made them pity themselves. They may have spent the night over-analyzing, moping to friends or to themselves about it, wondering why you didn't give them a chance, why you didn't look their way.

channeled songs and messages. "homeboy", friends with benefits, dior, crowded place, 666, rap, hip hop, freestyle, ice on my teeth by ateez, overspending, prada, diamond tears, big checks, blackpink, money by lisa, expensive perfume, menswear.

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DISCLAIMER. tarot is a divination tool, it’s not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i don’t take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings. be mindful ♡

[fushiguho]

OMGGG, wait, hello, your writing is God tier, I absolutely love it when you write for top reader🙏 With that being said, I was reading your Choso fic and (it had me biting and gnawing at my pillows) gave me an idea, RIGHT? Hear me out when I say you fuck men with fleshlights. JUST THINK ABOUT IT OK 😭 Like they've got their wrists bound and you keep edging them with the toy, and when they can finally finish, you just.. don't stop?

oh god, your mind! i could just kiss you.. COME HERE 😩

cw fem!reader, dom!reader, light bondage, overstimulation, cum feeding, denial, fl*shlight use, choso is so subby it’s insane

you’ve got him pinned and choso is hysterical. his thin, gaunt wrists are pulled behind his bare body, a thick piece of twine bounding his wrists as one. he writhes against the bunching sheets, wobbly hips desperately pushing into the air in fruitless attempts to find relief, yet you’re pushing them back down with a brazen hand.

“be still,” you mutter before reaching behind yourself to fetch the small, wet fleshlight from the silken sheets for the umpteenth time, “or else you’ll never cum. i don’t think you want that, do you baby?”

with a deep, frustrated pout and furrowed brows he shakes his head dumbly, babbling a pathetic little string of incoherent pleads and apologies. his trembling bottom lip falls between his teeth, the saliva that pools against his tongue threatening to dribble from the corners of his mouth. choso doesn’t think he’ll make it out alive this time, or at least… not the same.

it’s been hours. hours of futile begging and you denying. hours of his hips wildly bucking toward your fist and you pushing them right back down. just hours and hours and hours of mere torture and choso is utterly convinced he might fucking die tonight at the hands of an angel, at the hands of you.

“p— please.” it’s a quiet, drunken plea, his eyes rolling so far back into his head that he can see stars and constellations. “goddd, please can i cum? i… i can’t fuckin’ take it.”

you hum in feigned contemplation before simply shaking your head. idly, you trace a teasing finger down the valley of his heaving chest, the soft digit creeping lower and lower. his meek eyes follow the way it traces over the twitching length of his cock, just barely grazing his sticky skin. violently, his body shudders, a long, droning whimper dragging from his stupidly gaped mouth.

“spit on it.” it’s a curtly cold demand from you, yet it has him deliriously leaning forward and lolling out his warm, wet tongue, unabashedly drooling down the swollen head of his cock with an ensuing whimper. “thaaat’s it. give me some more, pretty boy.”

choso gathers more saliva in his mouth, his timid eyes flickering up to catch yours. you hold a hand below his lips and he puckers them, drooling into the palm of your awaiting hand like such a good, obedient puppy. a thwarted sound leaves him, almost like an unintentional wince of pleasure, like he can’t believe what the fuck you’re making him do.

a slow, bewitching smile cracks along your pretty face as you creep closer, that same saliva coated hand wrapping around the length of him and tugging. from the thick base all the way to the shiny, drooling head of his cock, you’re dragging your fist up, up, up, smearing his own saliva along the expanse of his shaft, preparing him yet again.

choso lets off a low, gurgling groan, his mouth sagging helplessly. those trembling hips buck once, blindly chasing your fleeting touch and wordlessly begging for more. the fleshlight that you hold in your opposite hand is sliding down the entirety of his aching cock and he could fucking cry. fat, briny tears swell in his widening eyes, a shuddered gasp of overstimulation dragging his head back against the wooden headboard.

“oh god, f-fuck me…” his eyes are screwing shut as he slumps further against the disheveled sheets, stomach caving, “fuck me, fuck meeee. i can’t take it… make me c— cum, please!”

“oh hush, don’t you be silly, cho.” you’re smiling sweetly, dropping your head to the right while your eyes linger on his. “you’re a big boy, yes?” slowly, you’re dragging the fleshlight allll the way up his fat cock and he gapes, nodding to you drunkenly, “yeaaaah, you’re my big pretty boy, aren’t you? you can take it.”

a lewd, deafening squelch! resounds off of the thin walls of the bedroom and every time you drag the battered toy up the length of his cock, the gut wrenching noise only seems to grow louder and louder. he is so fucking wet — that pretty, weeping cock just dripping in mounds of amalgamated precum and saliva and it’s a sight for the sorest of eyes.

the stout, pulsing base of his cock is an utter mess — pearlescent bubbles of spit and treacly arousal adorning the fat of his achingly swollen balls and it’s nothing but obscene. slowly, it drips from his tightening sack between the godforsaken valley of his ass before collecting in a lewd little puddle beneath him, ruining the silken sheets.

an impish hand is creeping between his subconsciously spreading legs, fingers toying with his drooling balls and it’s dragging the prettiest little gasp from his parting lips. as the toy slides down his cock, you’re kneading the overly sensitive mound between your fingers. choso’s hips are stupidly jerking beneath your touch and each time they do, you’re pushing them back against the dampened sheets with a hum of discontent.

“f— fuuuck, i… i can’t help it!” he whines defensively before you can even reprimand him.

choso’s stomach caves, his need to release only growing stronger, unbearable. his head droops to the left, hanging dumbly over his shoulder as his hard jaw falls slack. sable wisps of hair fall to cover his crossing eyes, occluding his vision whilst his thick brows knit as one, scrunching his pretty face in utter rapture. whimper after desperate whimper spills from his tongue, his delirious gaze following the repetitive jerk of the fleshlight up his drooling cock.

over and over and over again you fuck him to the base, repeatedly pumping up and down the entire length of his poor cock with that infuriating little toy. choso can hardly help the near feral buck of his hips, so you take it upon yourself to ground him. swiftly, you’re swinging a leg over his shuddering body to straddle his tensing quadriceps, keeping him still.

his heavy head is woozily craning back, a defeated groan pouring from his gaped mouth as you sit face to face. he almost can’t help but to lean forward, deliriously searching for your lips, yet you back away, a teasing little smile marring your face. you maintain a frustrating amount of distance between the two of you as you mindlessly jerk his cock with that measly toy.

“pleaseee…” it’s merely a strangled breath lost between his whimpering pants, his hips still attempting to buck beneath the weight of your body, “baby, please can i cum? i’ve been such a good boy, why are you doing this to me? fuck, i can’t take it!”

“yes, you can.” you affirm, leaning forward to plant a kiss in the middle of his perspiring forehead. “you can and you will, because if you cum, it’ll be so much worse for you.” a sweet kiss to the tip of his nose. “i’m being nice.” you hum, another kiss to the corner of his wet, parted lips.

choso swallows what feels like a brick, his slick bottom lip trembling in… fear? anticipation? still, his lips continue to chase yours and you let him, dodging kiss after desperate kiss, stringing him along so far that he swears he’ll pass away right here with his cock shoved in a fucking toy. he huffs out a throaty moan of frustration, the pretty veins in his neck straining against his pale skin.

“hah, baby i caaaan’t… i’m — fuck!” a long, desperate wail of pleasure drags from his widening mouth, his cock lewdly twitching inside of the jerking fleshlight. pathetic rivulets of treacly white cum spills down to his balls as his hips stutter beneath you. “m’cumming! fuck fuck fuck… i’m sorry! i’m so sorry.”

his head is falling back to knock against the headboard in relief, but it’s short lived because you’re fucking the toy down his cock even harder, faster. choso’s brows furrow in utter bewilderment, his gasping breaths stalling to a halt before he shakes his head, mouth stupidly wide, yet nothing is uttered.

“no no no! god, it’s t… too much.” he slurs, desperately pulling at his restraints. “it’s too much! it’s too much!”

“and it’s too bad too, huh?” you click your tongue, gaze hardened and mean. “such a disobedient boy… and to think i was being so kind to you after that shit you pulled earlier.” disappointedly, you shake your head, your grip around the fleshlight tightening, “touchin’ yourself while i’m away… you knew this would happen.”

choso whines at your curt, honeyed voice, poor cock throbbing at the way your words cut through the thickening air like the perfect, double edged sword — he’s far too drunk to decide whether to cower in fear or to cum so deep inside of that toy once more from utter enthrallment. it doesn’t take long for him to reach a verdict as he’s unapologetically pumping out yet another pathetic load of cum.

violently, his body convulses as you force another orgasm out of him and god, does he sound pretty — so unabashed and raw and fucked. his voice so hoarse, yet submissively pure that it makes your heart swell in a way that you almost feel bad for him.

almost.

choso writhes beneath you, individual toes separating in his overstimulation as his knees bend upward in a vain attempt to escape, but he’s unintentionally pushing you further up his body and still, you don’t fucking stop. the poor fleshlight is stuffed to the brim with everything him. so full that thick, pearlescent tufts of cum messily spill out the confines of the toy, coating his crotch in his own filth.

you swipe the pad of your index along the mess of cum, collecting his release before shoving it into his gaped mouth with a knowing smile. choso lets off the prettiest cry as he swallows around your finger, tasting his syrupy arousal with a pathetic hum of satisfaction.

“you… you’re g-gonna kill me.” he barely makes out, your fingers still pressed against his warm tongue. “you’re gonna f— fucking kill me.”

“no,” you smile, flashing your teeth almost carnally, “but i’ll sure try.”

choso’s head cranes back to rest against the headboard, his gaze fixated on the ceiling above, almost as if he’s praying to god that he’ll have mercy on his poor, battered soul. quickly, he realizes that no one is listening because as you’re tossing the fleshlight to the ruffled sheets and pushing your soiled panties aside, he swears his life flashes before his eyes.

“fuck.”

[plotholes-and-spellingerrors]

The gas station attendant and the high-school-sweetheart-turned-abortion-provider are their TESTS. They are the story's crisis point! This whole time they've been lying to themselves that it was a casual thing and it's all over after the road trip, and it's only when they're faced with the possibility of these other romances that they realize - yes the gas station attendant is cute but he just doesn't get me at all; my high school sweetheart is as charming as ever but there's a good reason we broke up before we even made it to college; however, this person who I thought was a casual fling and then a casual road trip buddy... THIS is the person who I would shape my life around.

Then we get a split-screen scene where they both ditch their dates - we see simultaneously as one rushes to the Greyhound station to catch the other before their bus leaves and the other dashes to the motel hoping the first hasn't checked out yet, but of course neither is there! The both go back to their respective failed dates, dejected. Somber music. We think they will never see each other again. Then the camera zooms in on their date-mates' faces and the gas station attendant and abortion provider say in unison,

"It's the 21st century. Don't you have their phone number, dumbass?"

In unison they leap to their feet and shout, "Of course! What am I thinking!" Then they both freeze - they both turn - they both run. The screen is split such that they appear to be running towards each other, and then the split collapses into one view as they collide. It turns out they've both been on dates in the same food hall the entire time.

Also it's Chekhov's phone number - originally they didn't even have each other's phone numbers, but through a plot contrivance early in the second act they agree that it's a good idea to have each other's phone numbers until the road trip is over (it's a safety precaution, totally, I definitely have not made a blank contact for you in my phone and then deleted it three times already), at which point they agree they'll delete each other's phone numbers because they're never going to see each other again (you're a fun lay but more trouble than you're worth haha yeah you too what the hell I can't believe they just said that I can't believe I just said that). Maybe we even see then preparing to go on their dates and opening their contacts list... we even see their thumbs hovering over the "Delete contact?" button and we assume they did it. Which is why there's tension to them running all over town trying to catch the other. But of course their date-mates don't know about the agreement, they just know these two are very clearly stupid for each other.

Also we get a credits scene where the abortion doctor goes into a gas station and talks to the hunky gas station attendant but they clearly don't know each other and there's no chemistry between them and it's very obvious that neither of them will remember the interaction within five minutes.

(OP I hope you don't mind that I ran with this)

there's an extremely niche plot in romance fiction wherein our invariably heterosexual leads fall in love after a night of passion leads to an unplanned pregnancy and they're now bound together by an impending child. I cast no judgment on anyone who enjoys this, but since I'm an evil gay and this is my personal nightmare scenario I want to see a zany romance novel premised on the opposite resolution: a couple falls in love while on a whirlwind roadtrip to obtain a legal abortion

[juliafairchild]

Yeah, I know that this is how the story is supposed to go because otherwise we wouldn't have had the Odissey to begin with, but let's be real for a sec.

Penelope wasn't expected to wait for Odysseus. 108 suitors roamed inside the walls of her palace and everybody was fine with that - how long could a kingdom survive without a king? She had to remarry, not a soul was going to speak against it. So how come Odysseus knew that she was going to reject them? Would you dare hoping - betting, even - that your partner is still waiting for you to come back after 20 years? Odysseus could have thrown the towel already. Why would he think that Penelope wasn't going to believe him dead after every other king had returned to home ten years prior? Why would he think that she wasn't going to give Ithaca a new ruler, even though she might have loved him still? He could have said to himself "aight, it's time for the both of us to go on". Yes, he had to see Telemachus again - of course he had - but let's not pretend that he wasn't all the same eager to meet his faithful wife. And why was Penelope faithful? Where did she find the conviction that her husband was going to come back? That he wasn't going to fall in love with another woman on some godforsaken island and decide to stay there? Mind, we're not speaking about a few months of distance, a year, maybe two - twenty years passed and Odysseus knew that she'd been waiting, waiting, for love...

He came back because he had to make it right by her. He knew. What moved him forward was not only the love he held for her but the awareness of the space Penelope had left for him, and that was only his to occupy. And Penelope knew to keep it empty because he was going to return.

The sheer faith that the two of them have in the fact that no matter how long, they've been missed, longed for by their partner, awaited, even... maybe it's just me, but it drives me nuts.

[mamawasatesttube]

Janet lives au my beloved, I love the difference in the Janet lives vs the Jack lives au :)

Happy holidays! :D

thanks, happy holidays to you too!!!

also aughgh right??? there is so much to ponder wrt janet our collective beloved janet... i think often about this. like. his issues with jack would both shrink and grow because on the one hand jack is no longer actively around to do shit to feed into tim's many complexes. on the other hand, he now has jack up on the Perfect Dad pedestal in his mind because he's dead. can't criticize your dead dad that's fucked up and horrible. right?

and on the other hand. man. so lets posit he has a better relationship with janet than he would with jack (because janet is a better parent than jack, and let's be real, that isn't really a high bar. but given jack's... everything, i just kinda really get the vibe that he left most of the actual parenting to janet). now at first you'd think this is solely a good thing! ...but can you imagine how much more agonized tim is about having to lie to his beloved mommy???? all the time??? he's even more torn between The Mission and his filial piety this time around!!! augh!!!

like all those times jack didnt notice tim hiding bruises with makeup ? if janet's around it is sooo possible that tim steals HER makeup for this specifically at least once and She. Notices. deeply possible that she puts together "tim showing up with mysterious injuries he keeps trying to hide and also lying to me about it" with "tim getting closer with dick grayson and bruce wayne while i was away" and deduces that she doesn't know WHAT they've gotten her little baby boy into, but she IS going to kill those guys. tim keeps insisting that they're very nice to him but that really isn't helping anything. but just the entire concept of janet actually paying attention to tim's injuries - noticing if he steals her makeup!!! - or paying attention to things like. *checks notes* one of his classmates being SHOT DEAD at their SCHOOL ???? hey jack how did you not even check on him once after this. whats wrong with you. i just wanna talk jack

so i think she'd find out tim's robin way faster than jack. he probably would agonize about wanting her to know but The Mission and the need for secrecy, etc. but notably, when she finds out, i don't think she'd force him to quit - she'd really really want him to, because this is so dangerous and he's her baby and she doesn't want him to get hurt!!! but if he pushed back and tried to explain his side of it, she'd actually be willing to at least hear him out (unlike jack).

but also. not to be predictable but. i think it would be really funny if at some point during this drama kon-el shows up on the front doorstep looking for robin, and eavesdrops just enough to understand that janet knows now. because. hear me out. this is how we once again arrive at tim walking into his own house and home and just balking because kon is at the kitchen table hanging out with his mother. mom why the heck are you giving superboy my oreos!!!!

(also, calling back a little to the concept of baby kon somehow befriending janet, but. very specific vision in my mind of "janet lives past identity crisis too au" where at some point baby kon mentions to tim in her earshot that hes never had a mom and wonders whats it like?? and she doesnt say anything but this strikes her to the heart. several years down the line when timkon are established at some point she's like conner sweetie i know a long time back you said you don't have a mother, and i understand that completely and don't mean to try and take any place in your life you don't want me in, but if you ever would like to have a mother-in-law… and tim is just like. MOM. ARE YOU TRYING TO PROPOSE TO KON FOR ME??? THIS IS SO CRINGE. UGH MOM STOP)

[carlos-in-glasses]

There's something I need to get off my smutty chest about Tarlos having kids and the true reason I wasn't into the idea at first (and have since come around).

(Before and during season 4) I was uncertain about Tarlos having kids because – in all honesty – they are the Hot Sex couple. How are they supposed to have Hot Sex whenever and wherever, while there are kids in the house? Surely they aren’t. They can’t. And, selfishly, how would that impact how I want to write them in my canon-compliant/very canon-adjacent fics?

However. As time passed, the idea of them becoming dads overwhelmed me with not just how adorable it is (and it IS! That little 'room' they've made for Jonah that looks like it has a race car bed?? Come onnn!!!! My heart!!!) but how radical, when for so long same-sex couples not having kids was the default because they were not allowed to do it. But now they can, and I am so moved and excited for them to permanently adopt a child and represent that particular progress. I think it's important to remember that what we are seeing on screen with Tarlos is radical already, and I know it might not seem like it because the sexy times moment in 5x05 was so brief, but it really is. Same-sex marriage was legalised five minutes ago. Seeing same-sex couples in media raising a family is still massive and frankly in this current age, essential. With Tarlos we’ve been so lucky to have both: a storyline about how one part of a couple isn’t ready for kids, which I feel like we never see and was very interesting, and we have a storyline where they both become ready (unfortunately rushed and we’re only going to see three seconds of it, but still. Still!). I’m sure if the show were continuing, they wouldn’t have done a kids storyline for them yet anyway, or they would have told one with room to breathe. So, there is also an allowance to make for completing their arc as a couple under unfortunate circumstances. It might be a speed-run, but it was always how their story would end, and we are lucky we get a proper ending at all. We get to see them make choices, make mistakes, and change, which allows them to be even richer as characters imo.

All this is to say – if you, like me, are dubious about them having kids because of the sex thing and are trying to reason it out – it's okay to say it. Or I've decided it's okay to admit it anyway lol. Personally, I have come to the conclusion that they are still going to be the Hot Sex couple. Because they are still them. They are Tarlos. And they are OURS. They are going to have Hot Hot Hot Sex because they are going to really want it. And isn’t that delicious? Whenever the kids aren’t around, they are going to be all over each other. They are going to bonk in every corner of their suburban home. And in the yard. The back porch swing. The roof. They are going to need to do house repairs often, because of this. Their neighbours will hate them. And as it should be. They are per-canon obsessed with having sex with each other. Also! Having said all this: They can be written by fic writers as childless. That's completely fine. Or, any and all fics can be set pre. 5x08 if that's what people want to do. I might want to do that for the most part if it's easier to tell a specific story. I don't know yet! In any case:

Tarlos is going to be happy. Afterglow is their resting state.

In the words of Ghost Gwyn, it is all going to be okay.

[404-unfoundbymystudents]

I overheard one of my "female" students being he/him'd and different name'd by one of his friends.

And the friend that this is, I knew 110% this wasn't some kind of teasing or anything. I know these kids, and this wasn't some joking name calling.

This was the second to final week of school, so I didn't have a lot of time. And so I had a chat to a few fellow teachers (being vague), asking for advice.

So, I got the student and his friend and took them outside (you aren't in trouble), and said that I wanted to talk to "you, and [redacted] is here as your support person so that I'm not talking to you one on one. But you can tell me to shut up and go away at any point, or tell her to go away if you don't want her in the convo"

And, in the most age appropriate way, I had that conversation. These kids are 12. And, I present as a gay man, at school, I'm not out as trans. And I probably never will be. But I rode the line of telling him that - in my experience, people are generally welcoming (and I know the school is as we have two trans kids currently, because we are a small school I implied we had previously had trans kids - so that I was not explicitly saying they were at school and therefore would be leading to outing them).

He said he was mostly worried about telling his parents. And I shared my experiences, again riding the line of outing myself as trans (and forcing these two students to know that secret). I let them interpret that "I was scared when I came out to my parents, but I knew I couldn't live a 60+year lie" as just the gay, not the trans.

But it communicated what I wanted it to.

I've met this kid's parents at parent teacher interviews, and I don't think anything could stop them supporting and rooting for their kids. And I said this.

But. I also said "this is hard". And "you don't have to do this now". "Yes, it would be helpful to sort out over the holidays, and then your new teachers next year can start off with correct name and gender and not have to relearn part way through the year". "But".

"this is hard".

And, I try not to (I try to), but one of my biggest strengths and weaknesses as a teacher is that I see myself in these students. I see the smart girl who is bored out of her mind, and the distracted boy who is staring out the window, and the quiet one who is overwhelmed by the noise, and the kid who can't ask for help because they've always been The Best.

I see the awkward autistic/ADHD "girl". Who is one of the smartest kids in the room, but simultaneously desperate for approval and terrified of mistakes. I see the kid that is never comfortable in their own body. But, I also see the kid who has a great friendship group who would do anything for them.

I see the kid who can appreciate the sacrifices of their past, and the hope of their future.

The Ghost of Christmas Past shows up and you’re like, “Ohhhhh for fuck’s sake,” but you’re in your childhood bedroom so it’s kind of on you. The ghost seems offended. She crosses her arms. She looks like you used to, with the pigtails.

“No way,” you say. “Don’t start.”

“I am the—”

“The Ghost of Christmas Past, I know, I know.” Because she looks like you, and it’s Christmas Eve, so what else. Your parents used to read you the story every year. Even when you were old enough to read on your own, it was better in your dad’s voice.

“You came home for your parents,” the ghost says, solemn. “It’s time to tell them.”

“No, like, ‘when you’re ready’?”

“You are ready,” she says, “or you wouldn’t have come back.”

Which is so stupid, because you weren’t on the moon, you were at college, and it’s only been two months of shots, you don’t even have a mustache. “Fucking leave me alone,” you say, so she does the ghost thing and takes you to a ten-years-ago Christmas. The living room. Your parents. Your fledgling self on the carpet with your stocking, the one you can’t look at anymore because when you were a baby your parents patiently hand-stitched the fucking name.

“Maybe they’ll make you a new one,” says the ghost.

“You don’t know that.” Bullshit ghost powers.

“You were happier back then. When they knew you.”

“Everyone was happier back then. It was, like, 2008.”

“There was a recession,” says the ghost.

“Shut up! Shut up!” You turn over in bed. For a second you expect to roll onto child-self-you curled up next to you. Probably crush the life out of her. You got good at that. It’s her bed, her room, pink covers, cat posters.

“This is so stupid, this Dickens thing,” you say. “I’m not even Christian anymore.”

“Tell your parents that second,” the ghost suggests.

“Oh my fucking God I’m not telling them anything can’t you go bother Jeff Bezos.”

“I’m just doing my job,” says the ghost, and vanishes.

#

The Ghost of Christmas Present has an acne problem. As soon as you open your eyes you say, “Oh my God,” and they say, “Hi,” and you say, “You better not be the fucking Ghost of Christmas Present,” and the Ghost of Christmas Present says, “I am.”

Which you knew.

“Why me?” you say, pink comforter bunched around your waist. “I didn’t do anything. Scrooge was mean to orphans.”

The Ghost of Christmas Present shrugs. “It’s the job.”

“Are you gonna show me my parents now?”

That makes them look kind of embarrassed.

“Well, don’t,” you say. If your parents are talking in the other room, huddled up conferencing with the lights off, you can’t hear it over the heater buzz. But you can guess what they’re saying: you went to school with a shitty pixie cut and worse eyeliner, and you came back with a real haircut and a permanent frown and a bunch of new friends you play sentence Twister to avoid pronouning. “I know they’re nice people, I got it. I’m just not ready.”

“It’s just—you’re kind of waiting for them to ask?” says the Ghost of Christmas Present. They scratch their face, where they have spectral sideburns coming in. “Your dad thinks you have a head cold. ‘Cause of your voice. But your mom’s starting to get it.”

You pull the covers over your head. “Cool, awesome, didn’t ask.”

“She isn’t going to ask,” the ghost says. “She wants you to tell her.”

You stick your middle finger out from underneath the covers. When you check, the room is empty again.

#

The Ghost of Christmas Future doesn’t say anything. Just looks at you. You look back. You probably have bedhead. You fixed your daytime wardrobe but your pajamas are still lacy and purple.

“How come you’re a man?” you say.

He says, “I think you know.”

“Fucking—go away.”

“I have something to show you first.”

“Are we going to the goddamn graveyard?”

He doesn’t say anything but then you’re in the goddamn graveyard. Together. Looking at your headstone. The dates are close enough together to make you kind of sick.

“They went with the full name,” you say.

The ghost nods.

“Not even the nickname. My nice gender neutral nickname.”

The ghost shrugs. You kind of want to throw something at him but you’re just looking at it now. Chiseled in marble. Immovable. What’s that thing bigots on the internet say, about someone digging up your jawbone two hundred years from now? You always wanted to think you wouldn’t care.

The Ghost of Christmas Future’s pretty quiet. This is the part where Scrooge goes full breakdown. Tears, begging, promises.

“I’m not gonna cry on you,” you say.

“Okay.”

So neutral. “Man, what do you want me to say?”

“Nothing,” says the ghost. “I think you’re there.”

You can’t stop looking at the headstone. “God fucking damnit shit. You promise they’ll be cool?”

“Nothing’s promised,” the ghost says. He gestures at the graveyard. “Except for this.”

“Awesome.” Cryptic cliche philosophical ghost bullshit. Yada yada. Death and taxes. Not with that name on your headstone, though. Not with that name on your tax forms, either.

You turn to tell him that and then you’re blinking in bed. There’s still one glow-in-the-dark star stuck to your ceiling where the glue never wore out. You put those up like ten years ago. Maybe longer. The light in the room says it’s morning. You swing your lacy-pajama legs over the side of the bed and go to ruin Christmas.

[gaylordscooter]

Cut Off

[warning for binge drinking and references to self harm]

He didn't know what to think when he saw the scars on his arms. He knew they were there but he never brought it up. He wasn't good at handling situations like that. He wasn't good at comforting others, he never has been. Not even when he was Sans.

And then Blue pointed out some of them seemed to be recent given that they weren't as healed as the others.

Instantly, he knew what caused those scars.

That argument they had. After he stabbed through his soul.

He avoided Killer as much as he could for about a whole week afterwards until they made up.

IT’S YOUR FAULT. YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE CARVED THOSE YOURSELF.

Horror seemed to come to the same conclusion. He stared at Dusk knowingly. He sighed and carefully put a shirt on Killer along with his usual jacket.

They weren't going to bother with changing his pants, comfort be damned. They've already intruded enough on his personal space.

Afterwards, Blue asked Horror to have a private talk with him in his room and that he’ll have one with Dusk after.

It was puzzling, but Horror went with him anyway, leaving Dusk alone with Killer.

It left him some time to ruminate, specifically about his relationship with him.

He stayed crouched down by the couch Killer was sleeping on.

They never labeled what it was—Killer seemingly didn't think of their relationship as anything special, which is what spurred that argument in the first place. Considering Killer's apology and the new scars on his arms, that couldn't be further from the truth.

It's true that initially it was casual. The kissing, the drugs, all of it was just to get away from everything.

Their horrible living circumstances, Nightmare, their guilt—those nightly meetings warded them off even if it was for just a little bit.

At first it didn't matter who the other person in the room was. It didn't matter who they were smoking with. They weren't…Killer wasn't thinking of him when they kissed. Initially.

And then it stemmed into something more, after the night they agreed to quit it with the drugs. Now they did matter to each other. The whole reason they hung out at night had changed. They liked each other's company. They liked each other.

Yet being trapped under Nightmare's grip evaporated any hope for a proper relationship. Killer always avoided talking about their relationship too—but Dusk didn't see that as the main problem.

But now they're somewhere new. Somewhere safe, hopefully.

SOMEWHERE YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE.

They could have a proper relationship now, he supposed, but diving into one immediately—living with each other—was starting to seem like a bad idea.

He cares about Killer a lot more than he ever expected to, so he wanted to do this right.

But what would that even entail? Was that even possible for them?

He studied Killer’s sleeping face. He didn't exactly look peaceful. He cupped his face with a hand. He felt him lean into the touch.

At least in their current states, he doubted it.

IT’LL NEVER HAPPEN. DO YOU THINK EITHER OF YOU CAN GET BETTER? AFTER EVERYTHING YOU’VE DONE?

Horror walked into the room a few minutes later. “you're up,” he said.

Dusk looked at Killer, but he was still asleep.

“no, i meant it's your turn to talk to him.”

Dusk rolled his eyelights and stood up. He walked into the hall even as Horror was trying to tell him where Blue’s room was located. He didn't need directions, it was pretty obvious with the light to his room being the only one that was on in the hallway.

Besides, he also had a concerningly easy time locating monsters in general, but that wasn't relevant in this specific instance.

He opened the door, which startled the skeleton inside.

His sockets widened. The room looked so similar to Papyrus’s, but it was off. While the layout was the exact same, the color of the carpet was different, the figures on his table weren't the same, and his bed looked like a rocket-ship instead of a car.

SEEMS FAMILIAR.

“Oh my god, I didn't realize my room would throw you off. Sorry,” Blue fretted. He was currently sitting on his bed with a clipboard and pen in hand. Seeing him in the room instead of Papyrus grounded him a bit.

Dusk waved his hand dismissively. It was fine.

“Please, take a seat.” He gestured to the stool in front of his bed. It was kinda funny how professional he was trying to be despite the setting.

He sat down.

“So…I want to preface this by assuring that you and the others are not getting kicked out of the hub. I just wanted to talk to each of you one on one to properly sort things out. The hotel room you and Killer are staying at is actually a temporary place to stay before we build a permanent home. My question to you is: do you want to continue to live with Killer?”

Blue managed to ask the one question Dusk wasn't sure how to answer. He ended up staring at him blankly.

“This choice isn't permanent of course, you could always change your mind.”

It was mostly Killer’s choice to live in the same hotel room. He went along with it without complaint. They were used to living in the same building after all. It was comfortable, but it might've been too comfortable.

If they continued to live with each other, would they even find any motivation to go outside? He doubted Killer would.

YOU WOULDN’T EITHER.

Finally, Dusk shook his head.

Blue quickly jotted something down. “Alright. Um, another thing I wanted to mention. I don't know anything about what you guys went through when you were under Nightmare’s captivity, but I know it must've been rough—and I’m not exactly licensed—but if you need someone to talk to I’m available.”

Dusk looked at him blankly. It clicked for him that the torn-up coat Blue was wearing was a lab coat. This guy was a wannabe doctor.

His silence only made the other skeleton nervous. His eyelights darted from side to side as he waited for a response. When he didn't get one he cleared his metaphorical throat and went on, “What I mean to say is, I’m a therapist—again not officially, but it's not like I can get licensed anymore—but that's besides the point! I got a PhD in psychology, so I have the knowledge…Okay maybe I forgot some of it…Most of it. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

Dusk perked up. If this guy had knowledge in that field he could probably help Killer better than he could ever. That was a pretty big “if” considering his questionable qualification, but Dusk knew with how things were now, he wouldn't be able to provide the support Killer needs. He was hardly keeping it together himself, he couldn't provide comfort for him for much longer without being dragged down too. For lack of a better way of wording it.

Hell, the only reason he's been keeping it together was out of pure stubbornness to make sure Killer was okay. He couldn't keep that up for long, that was for sure.

If they were going to live on their own, Killer would need someone else to support him.

OR ELSE HE’LL KILL HIMSELF.

can you not.

He glared into Blue’s eyelights. Did he really want this guy to be the one to do it?

Who else would it be? Horror?

Hell no. He's also got enough to deal with on his own.

“you can help?” he asked.

Blue’s sockets widened. “I…like to think so?”

That wasn't the most confident answer.

CAN YOU BLAME HIM? IT’S HARD TO HELP SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T DESERVE IT.

shut up.

“watch over killer.”

He watched Blue’s grip on his pen tighten.

“Okay,” he said.

No, he wasn't satisfied with that. He needed to be sure. 

“promise me.”

Blue blinked in surprise, before a look of conviction crossed his face. “I promise. I promise I’ll keep him safe.”

LIAR.

He wrote something down again. “Um, is there anything I could do to help you?”

Dusk was about to shake his head, but then he thought of something.

HEY.

“medication.”

“Oh um, I don't have access to any medication…what specifically did you want them for?”

He pointed at the side of his skull.

Blue cocked his head as he tried to understand. “Headaches?”

…Well that was a problem too but not the one he was thinking about. He shook his head.

“Uhh, hearing? Do you have a hard time hearing or—no wait, that wouldn't make sense, are you having auditory hallucinations?”

Honestly he wasn't sure if the voice in his head was a hallucination or something else. He knew it wasn't actually Papyrus. Though that did take him an embarrassingly long time to figure out.

I AM PAPYRUS. YOU JUST CONVINCED YOURSELF OTHERWISE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T FACE IT THAT I HATE YOU.

Yeah, that wasn't Papyrus, but he still had no clue what this was. He shrugged.

“If they're hallucinations, antipsychotics could probably help. It doesn't always work though…but I probably wouldn't be able to get you any in the first place and I’d have to make sure they're hallucinations first,” he rambled. “What are you hearing, exactly? If you don't mind me asking.”

DON’T TELL HIM. YOU ALREADY SEEM INSANE ENOUGH AS IS.

Dusk’s hands gripped his arms as he curled into himself as much as he could on the stool. He didn't want to speak anymore, but he had to get this out.

DO YOU? IT’LL ONLY PUT YOU IN DANGER.

He pointed at Blue’s clipboard.

“Oh! Do you want to write it down?” Blue put a clean sheet of paper on top before handing it along with his pen over to Dusk.

He hesitated before writing down the first word, but once he started the rest was written quickly. He handed it back for Blue to read before the dumb voice in his head could protest.

The look on Blue’s face shifted as he read. His eyelights flicked up to Dusk as he continued and then he put the clipboard down off to the side. He covered his mouth with a hand as he processed what he read. Blue was looking everywhere but at him. It seemed he couldn't bring himself to face Dusk anymore.

I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A MISTAKE.

“That's…that's horrible, having to deal with that, I’m sorry,” he said.

Dusk didn't expect sympathy. He just told him that he killed his own brother and he was plagued by his voice ever since. If anything—

YOU DESERVE THAT.

Blue’s voice got quieter, “i—i have something i need to confess.” He clasped his hands together tightly. “I already knew that you killed your brother.”

Dusk’s sockets narrowed. He curled his hands into fists but he remained seated.

Blue had the gall to shut his sockets, “I know more than I should about you and the other two. You saw the book with my notes. I wasn't sure if any of you actually read through it, but there's an entry on other versions of you guys. They're not exactly the same as you, so I don't know exact details but I know you and Killer have…murdered a lot of monsters.” Once he finished talking, he finally opened his sockets. He hesitantly looked at Dusk.

HE KNOWS ABOUT ALL OF YOUR SINS.

That only made his actions more confusing.

“why are you trying to help us, then?”

It seemed Blue wasn't expecting to be asked this question because all of his anxiety washed away and was replaced with exasperation. “I told you guys already that I want to. I get that it's hard to trust me when you hardly know me but can't you suspend your doubts at least a little bit? Sure, you've hurt a lot of monsters, but that's no excuse for you to give up on ever being good again. Everyone can—”

“don't finish that sentence,” Dusk said.

Blue’s breath hitched as he was interrupted. “right, sorry.”

Everyone can be a great person if they try. That's what he was going to say.

Of course the person trying to help them is so similar to Papyrus. It was a cruel joke, really.

Well, this wasn't exactly a joke. It wasn't funny in the slightest.

Blue cleared his throat, “After I finish talking to Killer, I’ll take you all to your new homes in the Hub. If you don't have any questions that will be all. I'd appreciate it if you told Killer to come over here.”

Even if he did have questions he was frankly too preoccupied with the upcoming conversation he was going to have with Killer. So he simply gave him a nod and got up to walk out.

Once he got to the living room he saw that Killer was awake. He’ll never get over how Killer lights up whenever he sees him. It was—he wasn't used to it.

His brief exchange with him was awkward. He sighed once Killer went over to Blue's room. He didn't mention anything about living apart yet. He probably should've done so before sending him over, but he wanted to put it off for as long as he could.

Which isn't for long at all.

He sat on the couch next to Horror, dreadfully awaiting when he’d return and he'd have to explain everything.

At first he thought Horror was going to be mercifully silent, but after a minute of silence he spoke up.

“so, are you and killer still gonna share a room?”

Dusk threw his head back against the couch with a groan.

“i’m taking that as a no. good for you.”

Dusk glared at him.

Horror shrugged. “what? i’m being honest. it is good for you, and probably killer. you two are…” he trailed off trying to find the right word, “hazardous, together.”

“you think so?” Dusk signed frantically.

Horror raised a brow bone. “is that sarcasm?”

Dusk fell back against the couch again, deflated. Hazardous? That was one way to describe their relationship. How many injuries have they caused each other?

It was to let off steam, was the excuse they had, but considering the scars was it just another way Killer would hurt himself?

The thought made him sick.

HE’S USING YOU.

What did that even mean at this point?

He couldn't answer.

“so me and papyrus are gonna move into our own house, separate from the rest of the guys. it's gonna be weird getting used to living with him again.”

Showoff.

THAT’S NOT SHOWING OFF. YOU KILLED ME! THAT WAS EASILY PREVENTABLE!

It wasn't that simple but he has a point. He gave Horror a thumbs up. Good for him.

“i’m mostly saying that just in case you come over to visit me. i know it's hard for you to be near him, so.”

Dusk let out a half-laugh half-hum. How weirdly considerate of him, and about Papyrus nonetheless.

Back when Horror learned he and Killer murdered their brothers, he was furious towards them. The only reason he interacted with them was out of self preservation, and even then it was rare.

Maybe being tormented by the same being was the easiest way to bring anyone together.

Or maybe he just realized he wasn't really qualified to judge them after all he's done.

If they wore each other’s shoes they’d find they’d do the exact same thing. It’s funny how being the same person works.

Either way, it's surreal that they're friends now. Though, he kinda thought he’d stop being so friendly once they got away from Nightmare.

“anyway, how are you gonna tell him?” he asked.

He didn't have the answer to that, so he shrugged.

Horror snerked, “dude, seriously?”

“what would you say?” he signed, moving his hands in a stilted manner.

“you really gotta brush up on sign language, i can barely understand you.”

Dusk clenched his hands shut in silent annoyance. He wasn't wrong. His sign language was horrible. He was only going off of what he remembered from past resets, and even then he only took the time to learn it in timelines where they reached the surface. Which were very very distant memories.

“just be upfront. it's not like you two have to live with each other. ‘sides, he’ll be fine on his own.”

Dusk leaned his head forward and gave him a skeptical look.

“probably…” he added without much certainty.

He dreaded the conversation to come. That dread didn't dwindle at all when Killer entered the room and swore at him.

Horror fled the room immediately. Which was fair, but he would've appreciated some support.

He didn't even say anything yet and Killer was already on the verge of crying. His voice cracked as he yelled, usually Dusk found his voice cracks amusing, but now it made his soul twist.

He brought up a point Horror told him. Only for him to panic even more.

LOOK AT HOW MUCH YOU’RE HURTING HIM. IS THIS YOUR REVENGE ON HIM AFTER HE CALLED YOUR RELATIONSHIP A JOKE? WAS HIM CUTTING HIMSELF OVER YOU NOT GOOD ENOUGH?

He didn't want to hurt him. This wasn't revenge. He didn't want to hurt him!

HE KNOWS YOU HATE HIM.

He cared about him!

He loved him!

The words came out of his mouth before he realized it wasn't the best time to say them. It was a horrible time to confess, Killer was already overwhelmed.

That was the first time he said “i love you” to him.

He needed him to know how he felt. He needed him to be sure that they were splitting out of necessity and that he didn't hate him.

“we need to spend some time apart,” he said.

Killer started hyperventilating. God, he was shaking. It looked like he was going to fall over at any moment.

THIS IS WHAT YOU DO TO HIM. YOU’VE MANIPULATED HIM. NOW HE CAN’T STAND BEING WITHOUT YOU.

YOU’RE AWFUL.

YOU GAVE HIM THOSE SCARS.

Dusk hugged him, hoping it would calm him down.

Killer immediately clung onto him in return. His hand tightly gripped his jacket, desperate to keep him here.

He tried explaining why they had to be apart.

“dust, please, i’ve already been alone for too long!”

Dusk moved his hands to his shoulders and pushed him away so that he could look at his soul.

It looked the same as it did that night when they decided to quit doing drugs; it was jagged and changing frantically.

He didn't know what it meant exactly, but it didn't mean anything good.

Just like his soul, his face was a mess. He was crying. He thought he was mad at him for calling him “Dust”. He didn't even notice he did.

It hurt to see him like this, but that probably didn't compare to what Killer was going through.

It’d be worse if they stayed together. They wouldn't be able to leave their room. Why would they, when they had each other? No, he didn't want to live like that. It was going to be hard adjusting to a new life and meeting new people but they needed to.

YOU DON’T DESERVE TO.

Things will be better for both of them.

They just had to rip off the bandage first.

That whole conversation was worse than anything Nightmare’s put them through.

No, being overtaken by that parasite was worse, actually.

Either way, it ended up being motivation to go outside once they got back to the Hub. Only for him to b-line towards Grillby’s once he found it.

Once he walked into the place deja vu rushed through him. It looked the exact same as his Grillby’s, the only thing that reminded him that he wasn't in his universe were the patrons.

It was a lot more packed and it wasn't just the usual Snowdin residents that were here. Luckily, because it was so packed, no one paid him any mind when he walked in.

If this was his universe, everyone would greet him.

As he walked towards the bar he noticed that the establishment wasn't the exact same—because it seemed to be double the normal size.

That was the only noticeable difference so far, though.

Grillby himself looked the same, he was also cleaning a glass like he usually did whenever he had some downtime.

Feeling bold, he took a seat at the bar, not many people were sitting around here anyway.

Grillby looked at him, waiting for an order.

And then he realized he didn't have any gold on him. Maybe this Grillby would also put up with a stupidly long tab.

It was weird seeing him again. Fortunately, he's gotten used to seeing different versions of monsters he's killed. Even though they looked the same there was something off. It was like he could tell they were from different universes.

However, this Grillby didn't feel off to him at all.

He didn't need anything fancy to drink so he just ordered a glass of beer.

Grillby gave it to him without a word, which was typical of him.

He tried drinking it slowly at first, trying to seem casual and then he threw that out the window once he realized he didn't really care right now. He wanted to get wasted.

When Blue took them back here, both he and Horror accompanied Killer to his room. Horror practically dragged the skeleton over to his room with how unresponsive he got after their conversation ended.

Then when they said their goodbyes, Killer wordlessly clung onto his sleeve until Dusk pulled away.

Grillby refilled his beer, thank god.

He downed it immediately.

This is only temporary.

Another glass, actually, Grillby brought him two more. He knew he could always rely on him.

They’re not even that far apart from each other. He knows where he lives. He can visit at any time.

Another glass down. The fake Papyrus in his head has gone quiet already.

As his hand grasped the other glass of beer, someone sat down next to him.

“S-SANS?”

Dusk nearly spat out his drink, instead he choked it down, causing him to go into a coughing fit.

“SORRY FOR STARTLING YOU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE!”

He looked over at the person next to him. Oh god yeah, that was a Papyrus.

Why did this one seem so familiar?

He wasn't even wearing his battle body. He was wearing casual everyday clothes.

He looked a lot more rugged than usual with heavy dark circles under his sockets.

This one had LV.

“it's fine.” Is what he wanted to say. Instead his tipsy mind only managed to say “you real?”

He looked so nervous. “I DON’T SEE WHY I WOULDN’T BE?” He squinted at the glasses on the counter. “HOW MUCH HAVE YOU DRANK ALREADY?”

Dusk looked over to count, but he was distracted by the fact he was currently holding a whole bottle of beer in his hand, apparently. He turned his attention to Grillby, confused.

“...” Grillby looked as blank as ever.

“THAT ISN’T AN EXCUSE TO GIVE HIM SO MUCH ALCOHOL!” Papyrus responded. He pinched the bridge of his nose bone and shook his head in disapproval.

What the hell was happening?

Maybe drinking like crazy wasn't a good idea in a completely new world. Ehhh he didn't really care. Oof, his eye sockets were getting heavy.

A nap sounded real good right now, actually. Consequences be damned, he propped his head against the counter and dozed off.

“HE DIDN’T EVEN ORDER FOOD, DID HE?” Papyrus remarked. He knew this Sans wasn't literally the one from his universe, but the second he saw him he knew he was from a similar one.

Obviously he was from a universe where he didn't die by his hand.

It was shameful, knowing that Papyrus never stooped low enough to harm let alone kill his own brother. He was a horrible brother.

As much as Grillby would insist he did what he had to in order to protect the other residents of Snowdin, he still regretted it deeply.

Seeing a version of his brother that probably succeeded in his task didn't change his mind on that at all.

Speaking of Grillby, “I KNOW YOU RECOGNIZED HIM BUT YOU CAN’T JUST GIVE HIM ALL THIS,” he gestured wildly at the group of empty glasses by the sleeping skeleton, “LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO SEDATE HIM! YOU KNOW HE ISN’T THE SAME ONE.”

Grillby adjusted his glasses even though they were already straight and grabbed one of the cups to start cleaning it.

“I KNOW IT’S WEIRD, THAT DOESN’T CHANGE MY POINT.”

“...”

“I CAN’T JUST WAKE HIM UP THAT’S RUDE.”

“....”

“I’M GOING TO STAY HERE UNTIL HE WAKES UP SO I KNOW HE’S FINE, OBVIOUSLY.”

Grillby paused his glass-cleaning to procure a shot of warm milk for Papyrus.

“I AM NOT PAYING FOR THAT,” he said, before snatching it up and downing it as if it were whiskey.

Grillby gave him a quizzical look.

Papyrus lowered the volume of his voice, which wasn't by much, “Of Course I’m Not Perturbed By Seeing Such A Close Replica Of My Brother That I Brutally Put An End To.”

Grillby got back to cleaning the pile of glasses.

“IT IS JUST A YOU PROBLEM ACTUALLY…SORRY, THAT WAS RUDE. STILL YOUR PROBLEM, THOUGH. THIS SKELETON NEXT TO ME IS A COMPLETE STRANGER, WE’VE NEVER MET HIM,” he said with total confidence that he didn't have.

At the Hub, it was expected to run into other versions of people you knew, but it was basic etiquette to treat them as strangers. You do not assume anything of them because you've never met this version before. Unfortunately, that was harder to uphold when they were from such alike universes.

It wasn't unusual for loved ones from different universes to settle for you if you were similar enough.

Fortunately for Grillby and Papyrus, they didn't really have to deal with that, being the only people from a “Dust” universe to live in the Hub.

But now this Sans is here.

When Dusk finally woke up, the bar was near closing time.

And the Papyrus was still here—oh never mind he bolted out the door the moment he moved.

He sluggishly moved his head towards Grillby, who was probably waiting for him to leave too so he could close.

“sorry,” he slurred. He put a hand on the counter to support himself as got off the stool. He reached into his pockets for gold that wasn't there. Oh yeah.

“my bad, i forgot i didn’t have any g.”

Grillby waved his hand dismissively, or he was shooing him. “...........It's fine.”

Dusk blinked in surprise. “thanks, i’ll uh, bye.” He gave a quick wave before walking quickly out of there, or at least he tried to. He ended up bumping into multiple tables and chairs until he tripped and fell down before he could even make it to the door. He doesn't know how long he napped but clearly he was still drunk.

He stayed on the ground for a moment, internally hyping himself up to stand.

He heard Grillby walk over. Ah, great.

At the very least he managed to flip himself on his back to look up at the fire monster.

For a moment, it felt like he was back in his universe and this Grillby was the one he knew, but he knew he couldn't be. He killed him along with the others.

Although Grillby had an unreadable face—because he didn't have one—Dusk was able to get a good idea about what he was feeling by looking at the pattern of his flames.

Either being drunk skewed his perception or he was reading it wrong, because from what he was seeing, Grillby was concerned for him.

He knew this look well, especially after he started remembering past timelines all of a sudden. Whenever he drank to stop thinking, Grillby would look at him exactly like this and then he'd offer to help him get home. Sometimes he'd try asking what was up. Which was completely in vain.

Usually this was the part he'd kill him.

The two of them stared at each other in silence. They were off script. They didn't know who was going to make the next move.

Until Grillby decided to take the lead. He knelt down by Dusk. His hands reached out to him slowly, ready to draw back if Dusk said anything.

Dusk’s mind unhelpfully insisted Grillby was about to strangle him or something. He stayed still regardless.

Grillby paused and his hands retreated. “...Why are you here?” He stood up.

“had a bad breakup,” he said. It wasn't really a breakup since they were never formally together, but they did separate so that word probably applied to the situation.

Grillby’s head briefly flared up. That could mean a multitude of things so he didn't want to bother assuming what it meant.

“GOOD LORD, HE HASN’T LEFT YET?” Papyrus's voice startled the two as he opened the door. Apparently he hadn't left the vicinity yet. “HONESTLY, OF ALL MONSTERS TO WALTZ IN HERE AND GET BLACKOUT DRUNK…DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANYONE THAT COULD WALK YOU HOME?” He remained outside, only peeking his head in through the door to be heard.

Well Horror probably could, but he had no way of contacting him. He did get that phone. He wasn't sure if he still had it on him and even then he didn't have the number or a phone.

That's a no.

Dusk shook his head even though it was hardly visible to the Papyrus.

Papyrus sighed dramatically. “FINE. AS A RESPONSIBLE CITIZEN I SHALL ACCOMPANY YOU TO YOUR ABODE TO ENSURE YOUR SAFETY.”

“i’ll take my chances sleeping on the sidewalk.”

“YOU CAN’T EVEN GET TO THE SIDEWALK ON YOUR OWN.”

“i guess my chances aren't looking too good. my doom is cemented. maybe even set in stone. just leave me here.”

Papyrus groaned at the puns. “I AM GOING TO GO OVER THERE AND PICK YOU UP AND THEN YOU ARE GOING TO DIRECT ME TO YOUR HOUSE, UNDERSTAND?”

“mmmm no.”

Then he was picked up by warm hands. Oh, Grillby picked him up. He walked him over to the door and was handed over to Papyrus.

The second the two were outside, Grillby hastily closed the door.

“the fuck happened to snowdin?” he asked.

Papyrus huffed, “WE AREN’T IN SNOWDIN.”

He took note of the sky. It was sundown. “we made it to the surface?”

“NO.”

“oh.”

“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE YOUR HOUSE IS?”

“shouldn't you know?”

“I’M NOT YOUR BROTHER. YOUR BROTHER IS DEAD. YOU KILLED HIM,” Papyrus said coldly.

Man, his mind was scrambled. For a second he thought there’s been a reset. What timeline was this? No he was kidnapped by Nightmare—and then they were kicked out…Oh yeah. This is the “Hub” or whatever.

He drank way too much.

“i didn't want to…”

“I DIDN’T EITHER! BUT THAT DOESN’T CHANGE IT, NOW DOES IT?!”

He hasn't heard Papyrus get this mad in a while. Wait. “what do you mean you ‘didn't either’?”

Papyrus came to a halt. “IN MY UNIVERSE, I KILLED YOU.”

He may have been drunk out of his mind, but even he knew that didn't sound right. “you wouldn't.”

“WELL, I DID.”

“you can't.”

“CLEARLY I CAN.”

He couldn't even kill the human. How's he supposed to believe he would ever kill him?

“you can't kill the human but you killed me, is that what i’m hearing?”

Papyrus grit his teeth. Despite the conversation, he was still carrying him. “KILLING THEM WASN’T GOING TO STOP THEM. KILLING YOU DID. AND IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.”

“you never have accidents with your magic.”

“YOU DON’T KNOW ME. YOU AREN’T MY BROTHER! YOU CAN’T JUDGE ME ANYWAY.”

“...you can put me down now.”

“YOU’LL FALL ON YOUR FACE. NO.”

Alas, poor Papyrus. It wouldn't matter how much he reminded himself that he wasn't the same Sans. They were so similar to each other's brother.

And he didn't even remember where his new house was. If this turned out to be a torture method that Nightmare came up with, he wouldn't be surprised.

“so what, you're gonna aimlessly carry me around until you happen to find my house?”

“I GUESS SO!”

Of course.

He resumed walking, Dusk decided to accept it. It was an excuse to be lazy. Even though he hasn’t been “lazy” in years.

Then again, he hasn’t been carried by Papyrus like this in years.

[acourtofthought]

If after 4 books Sarah is waiting for Elain's POV for her to end her mating bond with Lucien then why can't it also be said that Sarah is waiting for Elain's POV to end her whatever with Az after "4 books of buildup"? (I say that part with absolute sarcasm).

A mating bond IS a bigger deal than glances and a few looks. Than talking about how Illyrians learn to fly. Then Az giving Elain Truth Teller. Than Az taking Elain's potato dish from her. Than Az sitting and listening to her talk about gardens. Those were fleeting moments in time but her mating bond with Lucien is forever even if broken and she had "moments" with Lucien too.

People claim E/riel has been building for 4 books but Elain and Lucien have been CONFIRMED mates for 4 books and neither story has had any true resolution (I somewhat disagree since I think Elain and Az ended before it ever really began though I'm sure she'll address her past "crush" on Az in her book but I digress).

So if this big, huge plotline of her breaking the bond would only happen in her book, after readers were left wondering about it for 4 books then couldn't we also see her deciding that all her buildup with Az is the thing she's going to let go of in her book instead? That her "obvious" choice of Az is actually going to be the thing Sarah decides to shock readers with by having her not want it after all? If a mating bond can easily be rejected after 4 books of buildup than can't a crush on Az also be something she can easily walk away from after "4 books of buildup"?

Why do readers think Sarah has to do the "obvious" thing? Feyre's obvious choice of Tamlin didn't last through book 2 and Sarah is on record as saying she was excited to finally surprise readers with her love of Rhys.

Why would Sarah choose to write Elain and Lucien finally rejecting their bond after 4 books if it's been so very obvious that's what was going to happen this whole time? There's absolutely no sense in that, no intrigue, no surprise, no challenge. Wouldn't it all feel anticlimactic in Elain's book? "Well, we always knew she'd reject the bond and she's made it clear for 4 books that she's always wanted Az since they've been so vewy sweet together and Elain told us how happy she is in the NC before her book and that all finally happened so....yeah."

Why would this particular author deliver the "obvious" when she loves taking on challenges when it comes to her pairings? Feyre ending up with the guy who used her like a pawn UTM (the challenge was taking the bad guy and showing us we were wrong), Nesta ending up with the guy she kneed in the balls after he tried to kiss her, Yrene ending up with the guy who represented everything she hated, Aelin ending up with the guy who told her she was a spoiled child, who he couldn't wait to be rid of.

Sarah doesn't typically write external challenges for her endgame pairings, i.e. "the forbidden love trope". Nothing stood in the way of Nesta and Cassian ending up together but Nesta herself. Nothing stood in the way of Yrene ending up with Chaol but her past prejudices. Nobody stood in the way of Rowan and Aelin ending up together but Rowan's own blindness because of his past. Even Maeve didn't really stand in the way of them ending up together, she knew they would so she found a way to use Rowan as a pawn against Aelin and even Helion says the LoA chose to stay with Beron. So logic tells us that the only thing standing in the way of Elain ending up with someone is Elain's own internal issues, not Rhys or Lucien or anyone else. Elain can have whoever she wants, she only needs to speak the words and a more interesting story for Sarah to tackle is to show us how what Elain wants isn't so "obvious" as what some are thinking.

[vasilva-art]

Soo, that's how I see them! What are you thoughts? I'll explain myself below! - Big spoon/little spoon I mean, Ranma likes to hold Akane in his arms and it feels like the right thing (aka "manly" thing) to do, but he can't resist to the idea of relaxing a bit. Akane, on the other hand, loves feeling like a safe place for Ranma. - Lends/borrow clothes Okay maybe I forgot for a moment that Ranma canonically borrows clothes from Akane, and I didn't move the red square enough to the right way....... But there's something so warm about seeing your girlfriend wearing your clothes in the morning... Ranma probably loves it. After all, it's the "manly" thing to do and Akane looks really cute with oversized clothes. His clothes. Hmmmm I was thinking about it A LOT when I drew the red mark. - Pet names I've been reading a lot of Rankane fanfics, so I got used to Ranma calling Akane by 'Kane or tomboy - Introverted/Extroverted Ranma slightly leans toward being introverted because he spent most of his childhood just travelling/fighting with his father. So maybe he's not used to being around other people but he manages pretty well - Affection through words Akane can learn how to communicate her feelings better, but my boy Ranma spent so much time communicating through fighting that I think it’s a lost cause. His love languages are physical touch and quality time for sure.

- Confession Ranma is afraid of rejection, so he needed to be 100% sure Akane liked him back before managing to say anything. Akane has her pride but over time she gets that side of Ranma.

- Bugs It's said the only thing Ranma fears is cats so... yeah - Drives the car I didn't think too deeply about this one since I don't drive but I think they would be okay - Cooking Maybe I was too kind with Akane, but!!! If in Ryugenzawa arc she got to cook a curry that tasted ok, I believe she'll handle basic cooking in the future! Ranma will take on the housewife role when he wants to eat more elaborate meals or to treat Akane. - PDA Yeah, after everything they've been through, they would prefer some privacy - Overprotective/chill going I think the "touch my fiancée again and you'll be dead" thing is self-explanatory - Has NO relationship experience Self explanatory.

[narutouzumakiarchive]

Hello! I hope this doesn't reach you at a bad time.

Looking at your blog I've thought that you may have some information that I've been looking for unsuccesfully, or may know someone else who does.

So. You know this quote from a SJ interview with Kishimoto?

Shonen Jump: Naruto and Sasuke kiss (accidentally) in the first chapter where they appear together. Does this add a special dimension to their rivalry? Masashi Kishimoto: I didn't have any particular reason for it, other then to surprise readers. I mainly did it because I don't think there has ever been a manga where two rivals kissed. Also, by having this encounter, it was easier to set up the love triangle: Sakura, who had intended to be the first one to kiss Sasuke, has it stolen by her rival Naruto, Sasuke and Naruto are rivals, so there's and added tension there. And so on and so forth.

I've been trying to find the source to verify it's not a convincing fake, but I've spent a couple hours searching and nothing fully reliable turned up. I did find the full interview, which lends credence to it being legit, since most fake quotes are isolated and/or from unlikely contexts, but all the blogs or forum posts where I found it on call it just "an Interview with Shonen Jump", no date, magazine issue, voluem, event, anything. Some linked a source, but the links are dead and not archived in the Wayback Machine so I can't check them. The earliest posting of the interview that I could find is from March 2006.

I'd appreaciate it if you could tell me when/where it was published, or if there's a Japanese version of the interview. This quote is so interesting due to the implications of the kiss being used to set up the love triangle and Naruto being "[Sakura's] rival" (for Sasuke's attention, I imagine Kishimoto meant?) and I'd hate it for it to be fake after all.

Thanks in advance!

First of all, thank you for the ask and sorry for the late response. I've been making my way through my asks, slowly but surely, and I only got to this message a few days ago.

This one was definitely a nice (challenge). You are very right about the lack of very reliable sources. But, the saving grace was that, like you said, it was a part of a larger interview. The reason why it was so hard to find anything convincing when only searching for the kiss quote was because it was incredibly shippy, and there was so much fanfare surrounding it. So, I decided to search for information about one of the other moments attributed to the interview and that I figured it would have gone under the radar in fan spaces.

I key searched "alpha male" "monkey" "Kishimoto" "interview" (it felt so ridiculous typing this out lol) and it allowed me to find a credible a blog post from 2004, written long before Naruto started gaining online popularity in the west around 2006/2007. More importantly, it included a credibly cited source.

[Original blog post] [Archived blog post]

So, I searched "Ninja Master Kishimoto" and three links popped up, one of which was a Japanese website that actually posted pictures from the original source in question, including the magazine cover and a snippet of some of the questions/answers that were connected with the kiss answer — but not the kiss answer itself.

[Original post] [Archived post]

That said, from here I realized that the chances of the kiss answer being real were high and all that was left for me to do was buy the magazine and check. And I can officially confirm the interview's veracity! The quote about the kiss was real.

And you're definitely correct about the interesting implications it sets up.

When Naruto talks about how he finds Sasuke handsome, Sakura shows her fake smile. Even other SS have notice it though they've tried to rationalize it away. @badgalsasuke has written about that situation here. And during Sakura's last confession, she references what Naruto said during the 5 Kage Summit when he said he'd bear the burden of Sasuke's hatred and they'd die. The word she uses (sashichigaeru) carries the meaning of "dying at eachother's hand" —which is a nuance English translations failed to capture — and right after she makes this lamentation there's a close-up of Naruto's face. So there is a very real sense of a subtle tension between Naruto and Sakura in that regard.

[Aside: Not to get up on a soap box, but it's ridiculous that was of the most heavily referenced interviews in the Naruto fandom only had 3 links with an available source, one of them being a Japanese website who luckily decided to randomly review the English magazine (the interview was only available in English. You hear so much about how things on the internet remain there forever, but that's far from the truth. Many important websites, forums, essays, art pieces, etc. have unfortunately been lost to time. If y'all can, please make use of the internet archive. It's crucial, especially during a time when misinformation is at an all-time high.]

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/771068522165125120/httpswwwtumblrcomolderthannetfic770805265241?source=share

The reason conversations about how people get bent out of shape re dark and fucked up f/f but not m/m or m/f get flooded by terfs is because terfs are one of the more vocal groups who pretend this is true.

People lose their goddamn minds on here every day over slightly dark m/m, and harassing the m/f readerfic fans is one of Tumblr's favourite hobbies. Not to mention all the radfems banging on about how the only reason anyone reads het BDSM shit is because they've been brainwashed by the patriarchy.

There might be an interesting conversation to be had about the difference between the way people police people's tastes in fiction based on gender of depicted characters and the homophobia and sexism underlying those differences, but until you can admit that your group isn't uniquely opressed and everyone else is celebrated with laurels and has never faced anything negative ever, you're not going to be able to participate in that conversation.

If you quack like a terf, other terfs will think you're one of them. Enjoy the pit you dug, anon. We'll be here with ladders any time you feel like crawling out.

--

Well, that's one part of it.

I do think that in certain contexts, it can suffer more from the problem of inside attacks landing harder (vs. everyone banding together against attacks from outside) and the problem of anything smaller being more vulnerable.

Like... the het romantasy crapfest booktok girlies get attacked 24/7, but they also have mainstream tastes backed up by hordes of other people with mainstream tastes. I'm sure some individual women stop reading the books they love after being attacked, but a lot of that crowd just bands together against attacks from outside.

People into a small ship or into some type of fic that's overall less popular in the spaces where they hang out tend to be more vulnerable just because it's easier to drown out their voices with negative bullshit due to the overall smaller volume. Anyone who is primed to stress about whether their tastes are moral is easy pickings. Fandom areas that attract that kind of moral punctiliousness are full of both said easy pickings and people who are likely to turn on their fellow fans over this stuff.

There are definitely plenty of m/m fans attacking other m/m fans, but it does often seem to be a little more people into fluffy pairings attacking people into darker ones or the like (so outsiders attacking insiders in some sense)—unless the pairing is ~diverse~, in which case, there's a circular firing squad and the same chilling effect people talk about with f/f.

I think this is less about the level of asshats around (which is always high) and more about what spaces actually see those chilling effects vs. which spaces have people gleefully going "I'M GOING TO SHIP IT HARDER".

[ladyazurith]

You said that you wish they’d dealt with Cater’s struggles to connect with people more in the SSR. While I fully agree they could have done more because Cater deserves more(also part of why I’m angry we aren’t getting Vignettes as often anymore), I think it’s also important to discuss that what they DID show is that Cater intentionally disconnected himself by leaving a clone to deal with his Housewarden duties, and only revealing himself when he saw certain people.

That also shows that even in his “perfect” dream, he’s SO disconnected from others he physically disconnects himself from them, especially Heartslaybul students. He sends someone who can play the part FOR him because perfection for him is not BEING the one to play the part.

I had a lot more thoughts on this when I was more awake, but it’s now Way Later Than I Realized so I may drop the rest later, but for now, have these thoughts

-💙

No you're right! This falls into the part about aligning with how I already saw him. The signs he was disconnected like that were already there, his dream just reinforced how bad it is. In his Halloween SSR he talks about how he prefers to keep everyone at arms length and isn't close to anyone. In Star Sending Trey comments about how even after all the time they've spent together Cater still doesn't trust him (with his true self).

I talked about HCing he sent a clone to Lilia’s going away party but this is probably true for anything he doesn't want to deal with.

Canonically he's moved around so much that he's "forgotten how many schools he's been too" (Funland) and tends to get forgotten about everytime he leaves. He's basically given up on making bonds with people and already accepted they'll all go their separate ways after graduation (he says as much in his Halloween SSR).

Most of his personality reflects his struggle to make friends and form genuine bonds. He picked up a guitar in middle school to try and make an impression in the short time he was there. His chill attitude is so he can make shallow friendships with the most amount of people. His magicam account is there as proof he was there, he did exist and this did happen. And skateboarding is flashy and attention grabbing but also something he can do solo.

Even his UM can be read as a reflection of this. He can't connect with, bond too, or understand other people, so he makes more of himself, the person who won't leave him, so he never has to be alone and always has someone else to rely on.

[broodwolf221]

Thoughts on the Solavellan emphasis in Veilguard; somewhat fandom critical

usual caveat that this is not @ anyone - i care about people who have expressed frustration with this, and i am not using this space to criticize any individual 💖 however, this is in response to generalized hatred towards solavellan shippers/the ship itself in fandom spaces

The short version is: I think the narrative emphasis on a solavellan worldstate makes perfect sense.

In DAI, all romances get closure. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on this point, as I haven't gone through and fully done all of them, but all those I have done certainly have closure at the end. I'm including Trespasser as part of the DAI narrative arc, for clarity, but a lot of the relationships had a sense of closure even without the DLC.

Solavellan is the obvious, major exception.

Now, is Veilguard for Solavellan shippers? No! It is its own game, a narrative continuity of a series that has been going on for a long time. But Solas is a key character in both DAI - though we don't realize just how key for most of the game - and DAVG.

Solas being a key character means, by extension, Solavellan is a key romance. Note that I am not saying it is the "canon" romance. But Solavellan has ties to the overall narrative of both DAI and DAVG in a way no other DAI canon ship does. It's not necessary to the narrative of DAVG or the conclusion of the game, but it does play a significant role. As such, of course they paid more attention to it.

And what I said earlier, about closure? The only way for the Solavellan ship to gain closure is through concluding Solas' narrative arc - so it could not be achieved in DAI, only DAVG. For the original Solavellan shippers when the game was new, they've been waiting ten years - I think they're allowed a little excitement and satisfaction.

Now, would it have been nice for them to pay as much attention to the other romances the Inquisitor could have? Of course! I also imagine they wanted to. But game dev in general is a nightmare industry and this particular game went through so many hurdles. So I really can't blame them for focusing on developing the Inquisitor romance that had the most potential bearing on the plot of this game, and kind of losing the others.

None of this is to say that complaints about that are wrong or should not be made; rather, this post is directed at people who are angry at/blaming (somehow???) Solavellan shippers for the state of the game.

Similarly, it makes sense to me how Solavellan dominates the Solas shipping field. I'm a multishipper at heart and I love writing rarepairs with him, but honestly, every ship with him that isn't with a female Lavellan is a rarepair. And this is natural! It's about that lack of closure. People had a canon romance with their canon Inquisitor and they didn't get any closure on that relationship for ten years, of course they're going to be prevalent in fandom.

I just don't understand the deep frustration/outright hate at times for Solavellan as a ship or for Solavellan shippers. It's weird. Their - our - presence, even dominance, in fandom spaces has an obvious reason. You're allowed to not like it! To be disappointed or annoyed or whatever. I have no problem with that. But there are always people taking it too far.

Blaming a specific group of shippers in fandom spaces for the outcome of a videogame made by a big industry sure is a choice.

[sapphim]

Once a vampire is Embraced, her looks are frozen in time. Her skin will be unnaturally cold to the touch and become paler as she ages, but she will look the same in a thousand years as she does on the night of her Embrace. However, her body does not work like it used to. As mentioned previously, nearly all Kindred are unable to eat food after the Embrace, vomiting it up almost immediately — only blood will sustain them. Over time, most of the vampire’s bodily fluids will be replaced by blood — the Kindred sweats a thin sheen of blood when nervous, cries tears of blood when sad, and makes a god-awful mess during sex.

So anyway this is the exact brand of stupid goddamn 90s bullshit I picked up VtM for. It's sooooo "why would you say this. you know you didn't have to say this, right?" It's pointlessly racist. It's kind of gross. It immediately raises questions you didn't think would need raising when mere pages before this it was talking about how some vampires disguise their feeding during hookups as "haha oops I just get really bitey when I'm horny." Okay so explain? They're not going to. They've said too much and now they're not even going to follow through. So on the one hand, okay, it's period sex night every night. Understandable, have a nice day. On the other hand, my "I spooge blood" shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my "I spooge blood" shirt.

[perfectwitchcrown]

Ekuoto 81 thoughts

Spoilers below! CWs: references to abuse, suicidal ideation/suicide

Before this week's chapter I had been wondering how we might see the Dante and Vergilius fight resolve since Dante had so clearly expressed that this was the end of the line chapters ago and Bel had just been defeated, but I somehow did not expect this to be what happened… :’)

Tbh I think he’s going to live if only bc I think that there was a reason we were shown that Vergilius has healing powers when he kissed Charlotte chapters ago. Maybe this is just cope tho lmao. On the other hand, I’d be really interested to see Priest’s (and Barbara and Leah, who were in France with Dante) reaction to Dante being dead so I’m torn lol.

I think it's interesting how often Dante's advice to fall in love from the first chapter has come up in the series, and how tonally different Priest vs Dante treat that moment in this chapter. Dante sort of broods on it and considers it a curse he's left on Priest, whereas Priest kind of brushes it off to Imuri as uncool advice from an unreliable adult. On the other hand, I think it’s super interesting that Priest seems to consider the hug Dante gave him as having saved his life as a child. In chapter three, when Priest saves the children in the aquarium, he similarly gives them a hug.

I’m sure a lot of it has to do w most of his experience with adults throughout his life involved physical pain (the abuse he suffered from his father, the abuse he suffered from the church, etc) so like I am sure positive physical contact was not something he really experienced. But also, this moment in the first chapter comes after Priest breaks down about how hard he finds living--outside of Bel, who Priest had forgotten about at this point, Dante was likely one of the first adults that actually listened to his cry for help as a child and saw his idealization of religious martyrdom that was really, at its core, suicidal ideation.

Dante’s whole thing about being tired of chasing Vergilius is interesting too. It uses the same language as when he spoke of his failure to chase after Vergilius in chapter 20. Vergilius naming himself Vergilius is also such a "come follow me" move since Virgil was Dante’s guide in Inferno. Interested to see how this shift in the dynamic affects Vergilius.

Also excited to see what happens w Marco next chapter. His relationship w Priest seems fascinating to me bc it’s kinda hard to tell what level of distance they have from each other. Marco completely idolizes him, and it’s also been mentioned that he was present at the previous offscreen exorcism of Mammon prior to the start of the series, and he’s also visible in a flashback panel to that exorcism. They've known each other for like three years then so it's kind of interesting how obsessive Marco is and how little he actually knows about Priest as a person for having known him for all that time.

Even in the first chapter we're shown that Marco's understanding of Priest is completely misguided, where he assumes Priest's studying the bible when he's actually reading poetry by Goethe and Song of Songs (the second of which is in the bible, but the unifying theme between the works he's reading is romantic love. Also, this is the dorkiest form of romantic texts for him to be interested in LMAO).

Also can’t wait to see what goes down w Leah Barbara and the others. While Marco looks pissed, Leah looks more worried than anything else, and Mikhail looks sort of solemn. Daniel sort of has resting bitch face so idk what’s going through his mind. Last we saw of them all, Leah and Barbara very much dodged mentioning that Imuri is a demon and said to focus on fighting the witches first. Now that they’ve clearly finished with that, I wonder if they’ve told the rest or if they’re still hiding it. Either way Marco would be pissed since Priest did work with Bel.

Anyways, what a chapter, I'm so excited to see what happens next chapter. If Imuri and Priest have to be on the run from the church for awhile I wonder if Imuri's friend Cass from the file extras might finally make an appearance...