#thinking about how he's actually so painfully introverted...]

[spamgyu]

guys...... i think im pulling an alway!yn....

i ..... love hoshi guys......

[harrysbelovedd]

so high school [rafe cameron]

i feel so high school, every time… i look at you <3

football player rafe and his artsy, creative gf. rafe is a finance major, frat boy, and football player at his college. when he started school, the last thing he ever imagined was being completely and utterly, enamored by the quiet creative girl on campus.

but now, two years into school and their relationship, he couldn’t imagine it any other way. she’s a film major and art history minor, dragging rafe to the cinema or the museum at least once a week. he acts like he hates it, but he secretly loves it and has grown an appreciation for the art and culture she surrounds him with.

it all started when he saw the pretty girl sitting in his literature class—which he was barely passing. he watched her work in class, noticing how smart she is. the next day, he goes to sit next to her, slowly scooting closer and closer throughout the class.

“did you need something?” she asks shyly, but slightly annoyed by the stranger invading her personal bubble.

she’s a bit of an introvert.

rafe smirks at her. “no, sorry,” he laughs. “you just looked so smart and i’ve been trying to work up the courage to ask for a tutor so..”

she furrows her eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. she’s so shy, she can’t follow the painfully obvious hints he’s laying down. “uhm, do you think you could maybe.. tutor me? i could pay you if—“

“sure,” she shrugs. “no need to pay me, it’s no big deal, really.” she softly explains.

that evening at the library, they did anything but tutor.

rafe got to know everything about her, she got to know everything about him. she glances at her phone through laughs, “oh my god. it’s nearly 10, we didn’t even study.” she sighs, her hand resting gently on his and he swears he felt electricity run through his entire body.

“i’m sorry, come back to my dorm. we’ll actually study. i have a single, no roommates so it’ll be quiet and i can help you!” she grins excitedly, standing up and grabbing his hand, not even giving him a chance to respond. not that he was even thinking about saying no, anyway.

safe to say the next day, he passed the literature mid term exam with flying colors. she hugged him excitedly when she found out, “i’m so proud of you! we have to go to dinner!”

and that dinner turned into the first of many dates.

his favorite dates of all though, are when she comes to watch him at practice and when he gets to go to her film festivals. watching each other do what they love was their love language.

she sits on the bleachers, her eyes staying glued to number 43 on the field. when practice comes to an end, he pulls his helmet off, his eyes going directly to her designated spot in the stands. her cheeks beam pink with blush as she waves at him, a grin plastered to his lips.

or when they sit in a small theatre together, filled with her film peers, professors, and big industry names as her film is premiered at a huge local festival. when the credits roll, rafe is first to jump up, clapping, cheering, whistling loudly in praise as she blushes in her seat next to him.

no one’s ever had me… not like you.

[junhui-png]

puppy love ⌦ .｡.:*♡

mingyu x reader x scoups? (Still figuring it out LOL)

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summary: first year of college, you literally knew no one and you planned for it to stay that way but damn were you wrong

notes: uhmmm hiii idk what this is I got rlly bored so yeah LOLL if you read this I hope you enjoy and I’ll try and update like every other day hopefully 😽

‼️disclaimer: this is not proof read so I apologize if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes ‼️

genre: seventeen college au, love triangle between scoups and Mingyu, Mingyu being on a football team, financial major scoups, angst??, fluff, cute friend ships, Hoshi, Joshua, Seungkwan, Minghao, and Wonwoo r your besties, Also besties with Yunjin (Le Sserafim) and Minnie (G-IDLE), other seventeen members are mentioned?? Childhood friends, cursing, drinking

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you were always quiet, even when you were a kid. Because of this, you had very few friends and very much struggled to make new ones. Throughout Middle and Highschool the only thing you could do was to stuff you face into books to pass time. Eventually, you being a loner helped you to getting into your dream college. You thought you would be fine all by yourself at your new university, getting a degree in Creative writing, but hell you were so far from the truth. You thought you could just ignore everyone around you and just keep your head low but god was that somehow ten times harder now that you had entered college. Soon enough you had been paired with a man in your Journalism class names “Jeon Wonwoo” You didn’t know anything about him, you didn’t know anything about anyone there actually. He has Black somewhat messy hair and a pair of black glasses to compliment his hair. Both of you were introverts so the first week of the project was painfully awkward but as the next few weeks flew by, you had successfully made you first ever friend in maybe 10 years? You weren’t even sure. Once you had finished the project (and of course gotten an A) you and Wonwoo stayed in touch and talked frequently inside and outside of class. Till he offered to invite you to meet his study group. You were of course hesitant but you ended up going and just like that you had made another 5 friends and then because of those new friends you met new people and became their friends. Before the semester even ended, you new basically everybody on campus.

——present timez————

“you finished the essay Mr.Marten assigned” Minghao askes you, slightly shifting in his seat to get a better look at your computer screen “yeah basically” you simply reply “well then…” You noticed Minghao had been really fidgety ever since you both had entered the library, which isn’t how he normally is, meaning something’s up. “You ok? Something’s bothering you, right? You turn your body to face him and his body seems to relax just a bit “ok so… I kinda..maybe, possibly told soonyoung that you would come to the party he’s hosting tonight” Minghao keeps his head slightly down “Minghao..” you sigh, slumping back in your seat. You rarely ever went out, only when it was some sort of special occasion but besides that you basically just stay in your dorm or at a library or cafe. “I know I know” he says apologetically “You never go out and I swear your gonna go insane if you don’t go out once in a while” you chuckle a little at his stupid reasoning “still I should have told you I just wasn’t thinking and now Soonyoung is all excited about you coming and I just felt bad telling him, you know?” You nod, “I guess I’ll go” you let out another tired sigh as you pack your things “really? Damn ok I didn’t see that coming” Minghao laughs, getting up from his seat “I’ll see you later than” He smiles and you smile back at him before he walks out of the cafeteria and you finish packing your things.

It’s about 7:30 when you leave your dorm and get an Uber over to Soonyoung’s house. You were dressed up for once in a while, wearing a grey denim tube top with matching jeans paried with black boots and a black bag. “It’s my first and probably last time going out for this month, might as well just go all out” is what you thought to yourself while getting ready, but now in front of Soonyoung’s house you gravely regretted your stupid decision “Y/NNNNNNN!” Seungkwan yells your name from the entrance of Soonyoung’s house “hi Seungkwanie” you giggle patting him on the back “I didn’t think you would come!” He says all giddy “A promise is a promise” you give Minghao a dirty glance, which he catches and throws you an apologetic look before rushing of to get another drink. Seungkwan leads you to the couch and plops down next to you “do you want anything to drink?” He asks and you take a moment to think about it before just saying “fuck it” and asking him to bring you whatever he’s getting and he nods, leaving you on the couch with some other girls. Your not left alone for long until you hear someone call for you “Yoo! Your Soonyoung’s friend right?” A tall man with black hair and a stunning face. “uhm yes” you responded nonchalant “You don’t know me but I’m Kim Mingyu, Graphic design major” Mingyu sticks his hand out for a handshake “I’m y/n, Creative writing major” you shake his hand, giving him a slight smile and he returns it. “Anyways imma get straight to the point. I’m interested in you. You caught my eye earlier and asked around about you and they said you were close to Soonyoung, and im also his friend and I’ve never seen you before, so I wanna be friends” The man says bluntly. Mingyu’s sudden “confession” Has your head spinning, searching for some sort of response “uhm ok..?” Is all you manage out but he seems satisfied with your answer “Alright, then go out with me this week” again this man and his blunt statements have you so lost and you can’t even bring yourself to say anything before he says “of course with Soonyoung, and Minghao and everyone” Your face gets a little hot realizing he wasn’t asking you out but in fact his grammar just sucked and you misunderstood him and he definitely got what you were thinking “You thought I was asking you out, didn’t you?” He says with a sly smile “whatever” you roll your eyes, hearing the man’s giddy laughter “IM BACK SORRY” Seungkwan squeezes through the crowd, two bottles of beer in his hand “some guys back there were CRAZY drunk” he sighs, slumping down next to you and placing the drinks In front of you. “Drink up!” Seungkwan lifts his cup up for a cheer.

“Damn girl you didn’t even drink that much” One of you girl friends, Yunjin says, trying her best to keep you up. It was well known in your friend group that your alcohol tolerance was basically 0 and that’s also another reason you didn’t go out much “CAN SOMEONE TAKE HER HOME!” Yunjin shouts over the crowd but to be met with no answer “I can!” Mingyu’s booming voice is easily heard over the loud music “Omg great thank you so much, I’ll text you her address” Yunjin pats Mingyu on the back before rushing back to the lively party, leaving you with him “let’s go then” he puts his arm over you as he helps you out of Soonyoung’s house and into his car. “You know, I think I should go out more” you proudly announce “Then take my over and have dinner with me and the rest of the group” Mingyu chuckles, starting the car “Ok!” Is all you chirp before you completely knock out.

“I swear to god y/n you better get up right now” you best friends voice echo through your foggy mind “what..” you mumble, the warm sun hitting you through the windows. You were now in your dorm room completely changed. “What happened..?” You scratch your head, still trying to process your surroundings “You tell me!” You roommate, Minnie exclaims “you tell me why, when I was getting ready to go to sleep, looking the WORST I could ever have looked someone knocked at our door and it was the most ANGELIC BEAUTIFUL SUN KIST Man I have ever seen, holding you bridal style!” Minnie exclaims once again “I WAS WEARING A FUCKING HELLO KITTY SHEET MASK” Minnie cringes at the memories of last night “damn..” you mumble, giving her a somewhat apoplectic look “ugh it’s whatever, he said you were drunk and he was just dropping you off and he brought you some medicine as well so take that before you leave” Minnie sighs, leaving you alone in your room “what the fuck is happening”.

You change into a pair of grey sweatpants and a beige like hoodie with your hair up in a ponytail “Sorry for all the trouble last night” you said, even thought you couldn’t recall anything after you had entered Mingyu’s car you knew you had probably brought hell down on Minnie night care routine “it’s fine, just take your medicine before you leave” She places the medicine on the counter before heading back to her room. You take the medicine with some water before putting on your shoes and grabbing your bag “OK BYEE LOVE YOUU” you shout before leaving the house. You rush down to campus and into your next class just a minute early “You feeling ok?” Wonwoo asks you “I feel horrible” you sit down next to him, placing your stuff down next to your seat. The entire class was just a bunch of yapping you couldn’t pay attention to because, one you were too tired and two, you were still trying to remember literally anything from last night. “You have the address right?” Wonwoo’s sudden question pulls you out of your trance “Huh??” You mumble with a confused look and Wonwoo face also molds into a confused one “For dinner..?” He tries clarifying but you still don’t seem to get it “the dinner plans??? Me, you, mingyu, Soonyoung, Joshua, Seungkwan and some other guy?” Wonwoo tries again and it finally clicks, but why was he asking you “I know what your talking about but I’m not going?” You say “really? You said you were going?” Wonwoo says and that’s when you finally remember some of last night “OH SHOT! Mingyu told you that right?” You ask and he simply nods “So you are going” he asks again and you let out a sigh “yeah..yeah I’m going” you’re tired of going back and fourth so you just let it go “ok cool! I’ll text you the address!”

The rest of the day was boring, nothing special just the usual classes than group studying, solo studying and some “HI’s” and “How are you’s” here and there. Once you had finally finished your classes for the day, you return home to get ready for the dinner. You wear a simple black short-ish dress with a black leather jacket and the converse (didn’t feel like wearing the boots) “You’re going out?” Minnie peaks through your door and examines your outfit “you look nice” she smiles “thank you” you smile back “I’ll be back at maybe 9?? 10? Not sure but I’ll text you ok?” You tell Minnie and she nods “I’m probably gonna go out later, anyways have fun!” She calls out as you shut the door. The restaurant was only a 5 minute Uber drive and you also weren’t the only person arriving at that time “Hey” Mingyu says, almost creeping up behind you. You hadn’t talked to him since Soonyoung’s party and all though nothing happened you felt awkward, like you were meeting him for the first time all over again. “Hi” you reply “And uhm sorry for the trouble I caused the day before yesterday” you and Mingyu both walk into the restaurant and spot Joshua, Soonyoung, and Seungkwan at a table “don’t sweat it, it’s what friends are for” he chuckles, leaving you behind and rushing over to the table we’re your friends had been seated. Friends is what he called you. Could you two really be friends if you had just met the other day? “Y/N sit over here!” Joshua’s calming voice calls out to you “mhm!” You responding rushing over to the table and taking a seat next to Joshua. You guys talk a bit while waiting for appetizers when Mingyu says something that catches your attention “coups said he’s outside right now” “finally god damn” Soonyoung chuckles and the rest laugh “who’s “coups”?” You ask “one of my friends, I invited him today” Mingyu says and you nod. “Sorry I’m late guys!” A voice from the entrance calls out. Everyone turns around, including you to see a familiar face “COUPS! What’s up man!” Choi Seungcheol “omg..” at first you weren’t sure but now you were a hundred precent sure that was Choi Seungcheol “Seungcheol?” You mumble, in case you were wrong. The man’s eyes shot up to you and they almost immediately soften “Y/N??” He voice changed immediately after calling your name “you two know each other???” Wonwoo asks and you slowly nod, still in awe “it’s been awhile?” He chuckles.

previous / next

part 2 coming out 01/31/24 or 02/01/24 😽

[sugurusluts]

Zuko x mercenary!reader -part one

Do people still read Zuko x reader fics?

Mostly for my own amusement bc Zukos adorable- longer than my usual stuff! ♡︎

Warnings: none

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They had followed our little gang around the world, so it wasn’t hard to imagine they’d track Aang here, but they didn’t seem in any mood to strike.

I couldn’t help but feel defensive of the kingdom, even if the two were doing nothing but serving tea. I worked as a mercenary for whatever town seemed to need assistance. Despite not knowing any form of bending, I had connections, and that made me an asset.

Having worked around this place more times than I could count, I knew almost everyone. Most of everyone around town were good people, the type to invite you over for dinner just for giving them a hand in the fields.

Knowing someone like Zuko was around them made me uneasy, that was until Iroh approached me.

“Ah, a mercenary! What mercenary wouldn’t want to help a poor frail old man?” He whined dramatically, from behind me.

“Iroh” my hand tightened on my sword, I assumed there was an unspoken rule that neither group would bother eachother if they truly wanted to live in peace. Maybe I misread this dynamic?

“Good to see you too Y/N, you can losen your grip, im not here to fight you. I couldn’t care less about the Avatar, you know that”

I tilted my head in confusion, what else would he be here for? I couldn’t bring myself to believe he was now a hard working humble business man.

“Would you mind talking to me for just a minute, I’ll make it worth your while” he grinned, holding out a few gold coins he scrounged out of his pockets.

I caved from curiosity, following him as he walked me through a crowd, far away from his new little shop, leading me to a small alley.

“So..why did we have to go to an alleyway for this? Are you gonna mug me?”

“No such thing, I actually have a job for you”

I scoffed, the fuck made him think I’d want to take work from him? I turned on my heel, disappointed at the lack of information he gave me.

“Zuko’s lonely!”

I stopped in my tracks, turning back to Iroh, dumbfounded.

“Zuko’s lonely?”

“Painfully so, you know how hard it is to watch my nephew be such an introvert at his age?”

I rolled my eyes, “what does any of this have to do with me exactly?”

“Well, you could possibly help the poor boy out, couldn’t you?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m asking you to ask him on a date”

“…”

“…”

Jesus fucking Christ he can’t be serious right now.

“You want me to ask the guy who’s tried to kill my friend more times than I can count on a date?”

“Precisely!”

“…Iroh, I’m not a prostitute, I’m not asking Zuko out for cash. He wouldn’t even agree to it either, he’d recognize me.”

The man sighed, pulling out a fabric bag filled to the brim with gold coins. God Zuko was a lost cause.

“Lay on the charm, and maybe he will!”

He dropped the bag in my hand, holy shit was it heavy..

“…fine”

I never thought I’d end up asking Zuko, the fire lords son out on a date, but here we are.

I sauntered into the tea shop, greeting locals as I made my way to where Zuko was pouring.

Carefully filling the cup, he didn’t notice as I leaned against the counter he was behind. I rested my chin in my hands, looking him up and down.

It has been quite a while since I saw him last, longer hair suited him.

When he finally noticed me, he took a double take, stumbling while trying to hold the cup steady.

“…Y/N..?” He asked almost timidly, as if he didn’t want to believe I was standing infront of him.

“Hey, you remember my name, aren’t you sweet?”

He went quiet, still staring at me as if he was seeing a ghost. He pushed past me, going to deliver tea to a table. What a good little worker.

He returned to where I was standing, starting to wash dishes, ignoring my presence.

“What’s your name?”

“..what?”

“Your name, you’re not still going by Zuko here are you?”

He flinched as I used his real name, his eyes flicking between mine and his dishes.

“..Lee. Why are you here?”

“Can’t I visit my favorite prince?”

He stiffened at the praise. “…are you planning on fighting me?”

“No, the opposite actually”

He furrowed his eyebrows in a surprisingly cute fashion.

“Going from Avatar hunter to waiter must be a real boring change of pace for you, huh?”

He didn’t answer, still washing dishes.

“How about you let me make it more interesting for you?”

“..what?”

“I’m asking you out Lee”

He didn’t say anything to that. He simply blinked comedically, his eyes wide.

I gave him time, I wasn’t going to rush him. Iroh did not have the same curtsy.

“Ah welcome to our Shop miss, what tea do you fancy?”

“..I’m not the biggest fan of tea, I’m here because I fancy something else”

Zukos face turned an impossible shade of red, I thought steam may come out of ears if I kept this up.

“Oh? And what are you referring to?” Iroh couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

“Your nephew of course”

“Oh! Well a night out couldn’t hurt, right Lee?”

He whipped his head back and forth between his uncle and I in disbelief.

“Uncle, you know who this is don’t you?!”

Iroh studied me up and down.

“A humble mercenary looking for a date?”

“You’re exactly right” I smiled knowingly at Iroh, despite him technically being my enemy this exchange was a little fun.

“I don’t see why not Lee! Aren’t they cute?” Iroh gestured to me as if this was completely normal.

“Yeah Lee, aren’t I cute?” *i lean over the counter, invading his personal space.

Poor thing was absolutely floored as he whipped his head between me and Iroh trying to figure out if he was the weird one for being suspicious.

“If this is some sort of ploy to-“ he glares me, but it’s hard to take him seriously with such a red face.

“-I’ll pay for dinner, alright? All you have to do is have fun and look pretty. How about I come back at 7?” I didn’t know I had this much game until now. Why wasn’t I using this power for good before?

“The Shop will be closed by then, no reason to decline” Iroh looks up at his flustered nephew. How long would it take for the poor boy to crack?

“..fine..if you’re not here by exactly seven, I’m not going”

What a brat.. this was going to be an interesting date.

“I’ll be on time, don’t worry your pretty little head. I have business to attend to, I’ll be seeing you Lee” I wink at him, amused at how..affection starved he seemed.

He spun back around, his back facing me, but I could see the blush on his face starting to reach his neck..

Iroh was going to owe me much more than a bag of coins for this.

[sugarcryztal]

Match up exchange with @unitheuniverse

info i’m going off of:

From CRK, I match you with. . .

Capsaicin Cookie !

- basically I took this from the fact you like spicy food (half joking)

- you guys are basically goofy guy who pulled a baddie because that’s what i’m taking from you I don’t make the rules !!

⟡ When he was pining for you it was so painfully obvious when he was trying not too.

⟡ Whenever you approached him he would physically jump and start stuttering over his words no matter how hard he tried. Prune Juice would always be near by and quietly giggle at Capsaicin because he was fumbling so bad. ☠️

⟡ The type of person to just cling to his crush without even realizing it.

⟡ When he confessed, he was so nervous. Like he’s usually a very loud and confident person, but he had to try and not mumble during his confession.

⟡ When he confessed he has to do it face to face because all the words he wanted to say just did not fit on paper.

⟡ Thankfully, you didn’t reject him! And he didn’t have to dig a hole to die in out of embarrassment! Hooray!

⟡ Tbh, I feel like as a boyfriend he’s like a big golden retriever

⟡ Doesn’t get what going on in your games, but will support you either way! “Woohoo!!! That’s my boyfriend right there!!”

⟡ Tries not to chew with his mouth open after he figured out you don’t like it, but sometimes it’s a force of habit.

“So I was like-“

“Capsaicin, Honey. Please close your mouth when you chew.”

“Oops! Sorry!”

⟡ It’s kind of funny because opposites attract.

⟡ He tried to listen to rock music once, but he couldn’t take it and started playing pop LMAO

⟡ “It ain’t that deep” IT’S SO DEEP. How dare anyone say that?! Who disrespected you! Tell him now!!

⟡ Nah I’m just joking, but he’s seriously lowkey protective of you..?

⟡ A lot of the time, when he’s trying to get into table top games, he always asks you for help and understanding.

⟡ Yapper x Yapper, Yapper x Listener, he can do it all!

⟡ The extrovert to your introvert. He has a bunch of friends that you will get acquainted with over the course of time because he doesn’t expect you to immediately click with any of them!

⟡ He also understand when you’ll need time for yourself though, but please assure him that you still love him because he will think at least a LITTLE bit otherwise.

⟡ LOVVESSSS to yap to you about different spicy foods! Like LOOVVEEE! It’s one of his favorite pass times!

⟡ His other favorite pastime is hearing you talk about your interests!

⟡ Finds taxidermy the most interesting, I feel like at first his immediate reaction was “Wow so you-!” No that’s not how that works!

⟡ His pet names for you:

- Babe

- Honey

- Love of my life

⟡ Ever since you guys got together he can’t call you by your name anymore, he has to call you by a pet name. It’s a habit now. But he will listen if you’re uncomfortable with it!

⟡ He tries to get into all of your interests, but some things make him really squeamish.

⟡ What I mean by that is when you guys watch horror movies instead of you jumping into your arms he’s jumping into YOURS.

⟡ You also won’t have to worry about minimalism with him! Not at all. Because I feel like deep down he’s a maximalist. I know it in my heart.

⟡ He won’t force you to, but he likes watching romances occasionally. Like the ones where they actually build the characters and give them character development.

⟡ He hates Hallmark shows though. Don’t make him watch those. He calls them an insult to any genre.

⟡ If it’s anything else though he will happily watch it with you though! As long as you’re there he will be there!

⟡ He can only cook spicy food btw so goodluck…

You and your boyfriend, who you lovingly call Caps, were currently sat down in the living room. Getting ready for your guy’s anniversary movie marathon.

Except now he would NOT stop screaming!

As another spooky figure popped up on the screen, he let out a squeal and hugged your side tightly. You rolled your eyes and pat his head, “Caps, it’s just a movie. None of it’s real.”

He blinks at you for a moment before laughing, “Haha! I guess you’re right!” And then everything is chill again and you guys start watching the movie again.

He won’t ever tell you, but he acts like that on purpose. Just to hold onto you for a little more.

08.24.24

[prettysweetprettysweet]

one time I was forced to sit at the Dean's table at the Christmas party my first year of work and he is notoriously bad at socializing and I am painfully introverted but I took Adderall before the party and i was like "I can do this" and I actually did really good in making conversation work for the both of us and I had mentioned something about how much I loved one of our local museums that currently had an exhibit spotlighting LGBT ppl of color and he, clearly adept enough to clock me, said flatly "my daughter's a lesbian! you should - I should give you-" and then he realized (I think) that nothing I had said had definitively indicated I was gay and he said ".. ..I should....tell my daughter about that museum." and I was just so impressed with how he rescued the moment, like from 1 introvert to another you really saved us both there

[wanderingblindly]

I keep thinking about your portrayal of Lando in Impasse of Biting (and this is going to be very personal and possibly somewhat incorrect so feel free to skip it yk) and I've decided to just write my thesis on it because fuck it why not

the way you describe a scene is always just so. vivid to me. like all the details and the subtleties make it palpable, it all flows so naturally I've never had to think twice about what the scenery is or where/how the characters are physically because it just stays, and this story stuck with me with a level of detail not many have. full disclosure I did not reread the fic before writing this (to preserve sanity) so some details might be off regardless. anyways.

what immediately stands out about Lando is how alone he feels, that he's isolated on a much deeper level than just being introverted would get you. the way I think about this is basically: when you treat/perceive life as if it was happening TO you without having a say in it, in a way you're not living in the same world everyone else is. events in your life, the actions you take, maybe even the things you think or want don't feel like they're in your control, they're not really connected to you. and since you're obviously different than those around you in how you process basically everything you become painfully alone. ("fun" fact I wasn't really able to relate to basically any fictional character for a looooooong time. they had motives and reasons for their actions. I didn't feel I had anything to do with that.) it's like you're an observer of your own life, playing a passive role rather than being alive, you don't feel like a person at all sometimes (which is why I think Charles' proposition has such a grip on him. it's a promise to be seen, wanted, needed. to be a real person with a palpable effect on their surroundings, to fill out a place in the world. to be known)

the way Lando then broke free of that, stood up for himself (because he realised he deserved to and could just do that) meant, like, a lot to me. just seeing my own experience reflected back at me like that, and then seeing Lando overcoming it gave me a lot of,,, not really hope (thankfully I did already battle it out) but more like, reassurance that no matter what I would've gotten away from that mentality (eventually). that I would not have been stuck in my own mind for the rest of my life. we don't really find out in detail why Lando turned out like that, but I know why I did, and for a long time I felt like my life was taken away from me in a sense, I had to mourn that. and it took a lot out of me emotionally, and sometimes I'm still afraid I might slip back or that in some alternate universe I never made it out. seeing someone else go through something very similar and leaving that situation happy meant. more than I can describe tbh

altough Oscar's character had less of an effect on me (tbf there's not really a fair comparison to be made) there is still a lot to be said about his complete refusal to accept himself as he is, that he had to be shown that he CAN and deserves to be loved before he even considered letting himself take what he needs also resonated with me a lot. in my mind they connect through their respective superstitions of being loved (idk if that wording makes sense tbh you might have to read my mind here soz)

it also stood out to me how Lando irl was a very shy (and likely lonely) teenager, who would actually find his confidence and subsequently very lively personality later in life. which I think is less a consciously written parallel and more like a characteristic of him that's naturally adapted into a lot of rpf works (I still find it noteworthy tho). and I don't know how much you, the author, ever experienced that, but admittedly I am curious about it (and completely feel free to not answer that btw) never before in my life have I been able to talk to someone about this very specific type of loneliness and felt like they actually understood. like when I explain it logically everyone can imagine it, but I don't think you can truly get it unless you've been through it yourself, which thankfully not many have.

I'm not usually the type of person to cry reading fics no matter how deeply miserable they make me (ex: Casual by loquarocoeur. that fic ruined my life but I never truly felt like crying about it) EXCEPT for when they resonate with me on a personal level apparently because I quite literally cried myself to sleep after Impasse. like it GOT to me. I needed that I think, so above all thank you (as you can tell I've thought about this a totally normal and healthy amount, I also think it's important to let people know when they've had an impact on you so here we are) (even if I'm too much of a pussy to not do this out of anon lmao)

- anon with the "letting go" answer to the smut poll thing (getting such a positive response to that gave me the motivation to write this so like, keep being lovely c:) (and ps. I'm not gonna say sorry for sending you a literal essay because that would be lying and lying is bad but for the record, I did NOT intend for this to be nearly 1k words long and I completely understand if it was intimidating enough to be skipped or procrastinated)

(impasse of biting)

oh my god,,,, oh my god can I,,,,, can I kiss you on the forehead,,,,,, this is possibly the most beautiful ask I've ever received. And, despite you not having read it a second time, you are SO right on so many fronts. In fact, some of these points are almost word for word lifted from my rambling to the homies on discord during the writing/brainstorming process.

I hope you don't mind a small essay in response, ft. some screenshots (if I can find them).

the way you describe a scene is always just so. vivid to me. like all the details and the subtleties make it palpable

I've said it a million times, but this is always the highest praise imaginable to me. I never believed in settings/scene descriptions as my strongest point, especially considering my aphantasia. I'll go cry now.

when you treat/perceive life as if it was happening TO you without having a say in it, in a way you're not living in the same world everyone else is.

I swear I said nearly this exact thing, word for word, to someone while I was planning this fic. It's the one screenshot I can't find, and I'm pulling my hair out about it, but in short: Y E S. That's exactly the brand of loneliness I wanted to describe. Because Lando's issue isn't introversion, it's not that he can't put himself out there and be loud if he wants to, it's more so that any time he tried to in the past, it didn't... work. It was like everyone was operating on different assumptions than him, or getting different signals. And that repeated experience beat him down to the Lando we see in the fic.

It reminds me of this comment I made:

I wanted to emphasize the loneliness with this overarching sense of... helplessness. And that's the reason it was so painful to Lando at certain points in his life -- the perceived lack of agency.

(which is why I think Charles' proposition has such a grip on him. it's a promise to be seen, wanted, needed. to be a real person with a palpable effect on their surroundings, to fill out a place in the world. to be known)

You get it! You get it!!!!!!!! I was also thinking about why Lando would stay with Charles despite it not really getting better. Like, yes, the urge to be seen and wanted and needed would get him in his grip, but why would Lando stay? And I realized it all came back to the idea of apathy as a misrepresentation for acceptance:

for a long time I felt like my life was taken away from me in a sense, I had to mourn that.

First of all, I'm really really glad that you've gotten yourself to a better place in your life -- and I'm glad that reading this helped you feel seen and understood in your journey. This specific wording really resonated with the way I tried to show Lando's relationship to his lot in life; I wanted him to be angry because I wanted him to be grieving. I wanted him to be mad at himself for letting himself get to this point, and I wanted him to feel that ambiguous, hard-to-pinpoint anger that comes with mourning.

Him being mad at himself felt really key to his character development, because it exemplifies him taking control of his own life. By getting mad, by being ignited from the inside, we see that he realizes it was, to an extent, always in his control -- and he chose to let himself watch life happen. Obviously the reality may not have been that simple, but the mentality switch felt really vital to me.

in my mind they connect through their respective superstitions of being loved

I totally may be misunderstanding you here (sorry!), but I definitely see what you mean here -- and I agree! The fact that they both have equal but opposite... hang ups about love and life is part of what brings them together. Lando believes he's only good for giving and resents that, Oscar believes he's only designed to take, and he would rather die than give in to it. What I really loved about the resolution to this dynamic though, is that they didn't actually change -- Lando still gives, and Oscar still takes. But it's the connotation, the feeling behind the behavior, that shifts. They didn't have to change who they were, intrinsically, to find love that leaves them feeling safe.

I don't know how much you, the author, ever experienced that, but admittedly I am curious about it

Hmmmmm I'm honestly not sure that I've felt this exact brand of loneliness before, but I used to frequently grapple with like... the fear that I was living life correctly, especially when I was younger. I lived a very straight and narrow life in high school, I didn't party in college, I didn't have my first partner until I was 23, etc etc. A lot of the milestones that felt really normal to my peers just... didn't happen to me.

It's all tied pretty intricately to my asexuality, I've realized, but I described my relationship to a lot of the world as feeling like a doll, or maybe a large scale art piece. I was admired a lot, aesthetically, but I didn't really exist in the same way that a lot of "women" (ish) did.

So, no. Probably not what you went through at all, but perhaps a different genre of it :) I just like thinking about emotions hahahaha. Though my DMs are always open if you'd like to talk more about this sort of thing, I contemplate it often <333

I quite literally cried myself to sleep after Impasse. like it GOT to me

This must have been kinda scary to admit, even on anon, but jesus christ THANK YOU. I never imagine any of my works like, resonating with people. Mattering at all, really. I still don't entirely believe that people read the nonsense I put out there. But god, this is like.... it. It's possibly all a casual writer could ever hope to achieve. Thank you again, I don't even have the words <3333333333333333333333

so like, keep being lovely c:

NO U!!!!!!!!!!!! MWUAH!!!!

[minsungchronology]

My Personal Opinions on Minsung's Dynamic (2018)

Disclaimer: I am not trying to pass off my opinions as facts. This is my personal interpretation of what is laid out right in front of us. I could be completely off base because I don’t know these guys personally, so take this with a grain of salt and feel free to disagree!

Lee Know is very interesting to me.

That’s literally the first thought I had when compiling all of these moments together.

Members and fans equally describe him as the “Tsundere” of the group (even though he’s a multifaceted person with a very caring side towards his closest ones). We see throughout the years he has a dry/deadpan sense of humor, is sarcastic at times, has a more introverted personality, etc. etc.

When I was a newer fan, I quickly assumed that out of him and Han, he was the one that was more inclined to “keep it together” on camera, thus making it super difficult to read him.

That is definitely not the case for me when making this video…cause holy sh*t??? There are times where the guy is shockingly transparent. (the fansigns and the early vlives, especially)

While putting together clips for this year, I found a clip of him (in a later year) where the other members describe him as someone who’s honest with his emotions, which…kind of tracks if you’ve watched him over the years. It's refreshing to see that in an idol.

I’m of the opinion that he developed a little crush on Han early-ish this year. 

I probably would have chalked down LK’s behavior towards Han as platonic fondness like he has for I.N (he really dotes on the youngest like a baby brother during this year. I felt like these two were also pretty close since you see them together frequently, but their friendship isn’t talked about too much. Jeongho is actually so underrated 😭.), if it wasn’t for Changbin’s subtle yet unsubtle remarks towards those two. Changbin is someone who knows them personally, lives with them, and is with them almost 24/7. He knows them better than any of us ever will. So it’s quite telling to me when that is coming from someone who ACTUALLY KNOWS THEM, which really puts things into perspective. 

He literally acts like someone who teases their friend for having a crush.

You have moments where Changbin points and laughs at Lee Know for staring at Han ~that way~ during the dance segment in the KBS World Idol show, then there’s him giving LK the 😏 look when he gets smiley from Han who was doing…almost nothing…during a Vlive they have before a fansign, AND THEN the 3.NO.RA.CHA car Vlive where he’s like “Lee Know why are you so happy? Why are you so happy?” after LK and Han do something that catches Chan off guard (I’m pretty sure they did the one plus one is cute thing that they end up doing during the two kids room episode). Which goes onto another point…THAT episode:

I find it interesting how LK was the one who requested Han to do the aegyo class with him because…like,,,, what?? 🧍‍♀️

For some reason I thought Han was the one who suggested it.

Then comes the part where LK mentions feelings and Han looks into the camera like he’s in the office and LK just nervously giggles and says “I don’t know” after realizing the implications of what he just said. This is also interesting to me b/c normally someone would react like “Oh no!! Don’t misunderstand!” to diffuse any awkwardness. 

And the fansigns, they are so flipping cute in those. 😭 There’s so much content out there so I was stressing out about how much to include and/or exclude. From these alone, you can tell LK adores the hell out of Han. It’s so painfully obvious to watch. It really puts the “LK can’t live without Han” saying by Seungmin into perspective. 

Han, on the other hand, like I said in a previous post, is harder to read. I honestly don’t think he liked LK “like that” at this point, unless he’s incredibly good at hiding it and didn’t want to acknowledge those types of feelings at all for obvious reasons. If you compare him in 2018 to 2023, it's worlds apart. (lmfao the concerts this year are something else; I seriously can’t wait to get to 2023 b/c whatever happened in Australia Sydney day 1 is VERY INTERESTING, like the fancams from that concert are incredibly eye opening for reasons I don’t want to explain right now 😬😬).  LK has remained fairly consistent imo. I think you’ll start to see some reciprocation from Han in later years.

But they are consistently close this year. They bicker and play-fight like close friends do, they comfortably joke around with each other, and they’re always finding some way to interact with the other. The two of them always seem to be on board with eo's ~weird~ antics too. (Much like you see in subsequent years and this year; they haven’t changed at all in that aspect). They’re the definition of soulmates. 

Seeing their evolution as idols from the beginning is very interesting too when you get to go back and watch almost every single content out there. Like plenty has changed within a 5-6 year span, but a lot of things have also remained the same.

Lee know was noticeably more camera shy back then. Han seemed more outgoing and out there compared to him (the guy is a ball of energy) while LK was quieter and more in the background. You can also see snippets of his characteristic sense of humor and “4d” personality, although, again, he was more camera shy so he didn’t show it as much. 

2019 is still a work in progress, but I think Han's behavior much later that year and in 2020 is an interesting change from what we see in 2018.

[khalixvitae]

I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMEBODY CONVEY IDIA'S CHARACTER AS WELL AS YOU DID OMG I JUST READ WHEN YOU SAID IDIA ISNT AN INCEL so many people misinterpret his character as just being shy but that just sets him up as a stereotypical introvert. It's not that he's SHY it's that he physically doesn't know hoe to deal with people and instead of trying to learn he just assumes there is no point so he perpetuates his own loneliness. IM SO GLAD IVE FOUND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS HIM LIKE I DO AAAAAHHHH

Aghhhhh hello anon! Im glad you enjoyed my silly little post, that’s so sweet of you! Yea I feel like there’s so much going on with Idia (frankly with both of the Shroud brothers and their whole deal) that gets kinda bogged down by tropey perceptions. Like yes Idia is introverted and mostly opposed to interacting with people, but there are a lot of layers there. He’s agoraphobic, under-socialized, and painfully anxious. he’s scarily smart and prefers to scheme behind the scenes until he’s positive whatever he’s cooking up is fool proof (which I don’t think is an inherently bad trait) because things are easier and require less effort when there’s a script. freeballing social interactions with people and a broader environment you have no interest in connecting with is both taxing and in no way gratifying (in Idia’s mind, and in most cases). Its inefficient, which I also think is a good way of summarizing his attitudes towards social interaction.

He considers it pointless for everyone involved since he’s just going to disappear one day. Not to mention his upbringing and that hot mess of socialization, I think anybody would be fucked up from that. Plus his whole complex about his appearance and the fact that it’s not exactly been pleasant to just exist publicly. With all these factors in mind It’s important to remember that he’s the one who has decided he MUST be alone and that his fate is predetermined. In the name of efficiency/practicality and his sanity (while ironically undermining both) he just gives up before he’s even started. The world doesn’t end for the people around him, but he’s miserable and would be regardless. I mean he outright says so in book 6. The worst part is that he’s really self aware about it - he just doesn’t think he can change his circumstances or himself. I think the rest of his character really relies on that point. Honestly that’s what makes him so tragic and why I think his overblot is so interesting. It calls into question this focus on efficiency because it’s really just a bluff- as smart and rational as he wants to be, he’s quick tempered and honestly very emotional. We actually get to see just how far he can go with this almost martyr like philosophy because it hinges on his low self worth, but once someone he loves is brought into the equation, he completely jumps the gun. He may not see himself as worth saving, but for the one person he cares about/who understands him??? Who he believes he failed? Rationale goes out the window.

Anyways sorry for the little tangent there, I just think he’s so interesting and the incel trope really downplays the nuance there. He’s so smart but so emotionally driven despite being emotionally stunted and tbh I think that’s his downfall.

[mysticstarlightduck]

OC Interaction Tag

I was tagged by @willtheweaver (here) and @illarian-rambling (here)! Thank you so much for the tag!

Rules: describe an OC and pair how they would interact with the given OCs from the people who tagged you!

Imma do this in two parts, so I'll go with Nimwen from Of Starlight and Beasts for Part 1 because I feel like I don't talk about that girl enough! Then I'll go with my boy Renn from the unnamed standalone fairytale WIP that plopped its way into my brain this weekend and hasn't let go since, for Part 2!

Part 1

Will's OC: Fen is a crow. But he does not act like one, having grown up among the foxes of the forest. All his life, he has had to keep his identity a secret. For obvious reasons, Fen does not let too much of himself be known. What he does show is an understanding nature ,and a knack for bringing out the best in others. Storyteller, a good fighter, tracker, and cook, he is skilled in many arts, though you’d never know that from the way he stays humble and modest. He values friendship, and will support those he trust.

My OC: Nimwen is an 18 year old girl who has spent most of her life (since she was 8) travelling through the uncharted forests of a region popularly called "the wilds", with her adoptive brother Scarlet and their little band of misfits. They live on the outskirts of society, since their kingdom has been so dilligently outcasting them, but they don't seem to mind it. All in all, Nimwen is an awkward, overly anxious, often paranoid but incredibly sweet girl, though she rarely lets strangers get too close to her. She embodies the energy of a skittish deer that will bolt at the nearest sign of danger, even if its a false alarm, though she has very good reasons to be that way - her father was wrongfully executed for treason, and the people of the kingdom didn't exactly give her much reason to trust them after what they did, so yeah. She's very in touch with nature and other people's feelings though she somehow seems very much oblivious to her own. She prefers to avoid confrontation, and will only fight if that's the absolute last resort in a life or death situation. She loves very deeply and makes strong bonds once you get to know her properly.

How they'd interact: I think Nimwen wouldn't be that surprised to meet a sentient, possibly talking, crow - she lives in a world where that kind of magic is actually rather common. So, once they'd met, I think those two would get along pretty well and would likely become good friends. She'd probably be very excited to learn about the new places this bird has seen and flown to, and they'd have a lot in common to talk about when it comes to forests and such. She'd likely listen to his stories for hours on end, never losing interest. The only tricky part would be convincing her brother that Fen is not a spy sent by the King to get them both killed, but once that's out of the way, I'd say conversations would be pretty interesting. Nim's an expert secret keeper, so I firmly believe keeping Fen's identity hidden will not be difficult for her.

Part 2

Illarian's OC: Twenari is an adolescent girl (12 in the first book, 16 in the second two) with short locs and a preference for skirts over pants. She is a prodigy sorcerer and general gifted kid. Throughout her childhood, her smuggler mother used her as a source of magical security and intimidation, which eventually caused her to run away after being forced to commit one too many unsavory acts. Because of this, Twenari acts much older than she is. She's pragmatic, blunt, and strategic. However, in other ways, she's very behind the learning curve. She's painfully introverted and never learned to socialize beyond formal events. Magic is her darling and purpose. She's insatiably curious about everything, but mostly, she wants to understand all the world has to offer in the field of the arcane. She's also at a kill count of about six. That's what happens when you're constantly chased by mercenaries and have the ability to explode people with your brain

My OC: Renn is a young man in his late teens (his exact age hasn't been specified yet, but he's suspected to be around 16-19) with a penchant for dark humor and a love for all that's mysterious and slightly macabre. He has a very strong vibe that is reminiscent of those early 2000s goth/emo kids, minus the angst - just the aesthetics and the sometimes deeply philosophical existential crisis - despite his fantasy medieval setting. He is a rule breaker and likes to question authorities at every chance he gets, and is also very savvy about the true inner workings of their seemingly perfect kingdom. It is implied that he has some kind of secret he is keeping hidden at all costs, and that implication would be true, but its not what most people would assume. While the townsfolk mostly label him as this unhinged/"crazy" reject who is always causing trouble and is up to no good, he is actually a really sweet kid that just had some truly fucked up stuff happen in his past. He is a loyal friend and values honesty and integrity above all else, even if it means he'll have to go down fighting for what he believes in. Despite all of this intensity, he just wants someone to truly understand him and have a pure friendship towards him. He is also implied to be gifted in some kind of magic, though it isn't specified which, and that he has knowlege of "forbidden arts".

How I think they'd interact: I believe Renn would see Twenari as a little sister figure of sorts, mostly because she is a few years younger than him (especially in her first book) but also because he probably sees a lot of his younger self in her - the painful introversion, the passion and drive for knowledge, the wish to cut free from the past. I think that given their personalities and pasts they'd probably get along quite well, especially when it comes to their insatiable curiosity for the arcane, as well as their wish to understand a world that is just so confusing to them as it is. They'd probably disagree a bit when it comes to rules though - as you mentioned she's pragmatic, and I know Renn's a certified rule breaker - but they would probably find a way to work around that. They're also kids who are very smart and who are way too mature for their own age due to having to grow up too fast, so I can see them relating to eachother in that way too.

Tagging: @memento-morri-writes, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @mk-writes-stuff, @littleladymab, @little-peril-stories, @oh-no-another-idea, @autumnalwalker, @eccaiia, @winterandwords, @rickie-the-storyteller, @forthesanityofstorytellers, @the-ellia-west, @cowboybrunch, @ybotter and OPEN TAG

[wdestroyer]

6th part of PFJ

Springtrap

FELV, Borgia

The Serfdom - 4th Volition

Springtrap has the same PY type as Joy and is very similar to her. Springtrap, like Joy, wants to live a chill life, and this image also surrounds this character. He is absolutely happy with the life that his parents gave him. Namely, a life in which he can calmly bathe in his 1st physics. He greatly appreciates the physical pleasure that he finds himself in every day. It can be said that Springtrap was simply luckier than Joy in terms of his parents. He does not want to do much for his status. This is the main reason why he is not afraid of the status of a homeless person who just chills around. While Meg wants to improve her life, and Fox to be a hero for everyone, Springtrap just wants to live in peace. His weak will is expressed throughout the series: from how he constantly puts up with the fact that he is not paid, but still does repairs for the old lady, to how hard it is for him to gather the strength to confidently help Meg. As Joy, he is influenced by Meg's will, which causes him to gain moments of self-confidence. He is unquestionably willing to follow the will of others.

The Actor - 2nd Emotion

Springtrap's best function is his emotion. It is his best tool and the brightest aspect. He is constantly actively helping Meg with her difficult emotions, calming her down or influencing her in other ways. He is generally shown as an emotionally stable person and strives to emotionally influence others. He can either easily help with emotion (like with Meg) or troll with emotional manipulation (like with Onnie and Oxy).

The Holder - 1st Physics

Sprintrap has an infallible resultative behavior in physics. He is shown as a mostly lazy character who will not engage in active activities. He would lie on a hammock all the time, for which he basically loves his life. He builds a comfortable physical environment for himself like growing his own tomatoes. He has physical greed: he likes to possesively collect things for himself and even shamelessly steal from others. He only shows generosity in physical matters to close people. He is not afraid to actively use physical force against someone.

The Skeptic - 3th Logic

His humiliating part of his personality. He is interested in the logic of things and will fix things for himself or others. A good rapper: he can be eloquent and has a good choice of words. But there is a main problem - he is personally not confident in his thinking abilities, so he generally has a hard time being at school. He takes jokes about his intelligence painfully, for which he can even hit someone.

Toddy

VLFE, Lenin

The Royalty - 1st Volition

Toddy's character is designed to usually influence others. Her first appearance stuns everyone and her strong will lasts the entire series - she never shows signs of weakness and calmly displays her importance. She is very determined in herself and has a strong ego. She cares little about the ambitions of others, and only cares about her own desires. Her first will is best shown in her presence among the team of toys. She clearly opposes the also first volition of Meg, who also follows the path of her own desires. Toddy does not see her as an equal and easily commands her, and then shows absolute disrespect for her leadership. She does not see her as important and is confidently not going to put up with her in any way, expecting important actions from her. The introverted volition is also seen in her character development, where she finally finds her perfect place in the team of Nightmares.

The Touch-Me-Not - 3rd Physics

What is immediately noticeable about Toddy is her cautious and passionate physics. In this aspect, she is absolutely not generous and usually useless towards others. She is actually only concerned with her own physical problems and can be caustic towards the physics of others. But at the same time, she is not strong in her physics life and often shown as very subtle or clumsy in them.

The Rhetorician - 2nd Logic

Toddy's generous place can only be given to logic, because it is often aimed at free conversations with people. She is capable of constant arguments with people and is ready to put aside her willpower in this way. Toddy usually provokes people to get a response from them. She is naturally confident in her logical abilities.

The Gaper - 4th Emotion

Toddy has is characterized by her tactlessness. Her place at will makes it hard for anyone to influence her especially with her lowest emotion. Toddy's disregard for others' feelings is often seen in the series, and she is not strongly motivated to emotionally manipulate. She also has a lack of emotion.

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

Nico prides himself on not being overly emotional. Has he had his breakdowns? Sure. The occasional nightmare that is inevitably accompanied by an unwilling outburst of underworldly powers? Of course. A month or ten of self-inflicted isolation in the literal realm of the dead? Just a perk of his parentage. Hades has to make up for the near-death-experiences and lack of dental somehow.

Maybe, if he is being painfully honest with himself, it would be more accurate to say that he doesn't know how to process his emotions. But then he would have to confront a bunch of uncomfortable questions like why he'd rather stab himself with stygian iron than admit when something is bothering him, so he doesn't. He'll deal with this particular can of worms when the next freakout arrives. Maybe. Or perhaps the one after. Or, if he is in a particularly silly mood, he'll just sneak back into Lotus and stay there for another century. Who is to say, really.

Or maybe what he had actually meant to say was that he tends to be perceived as emotionless by others. Sometimes "reserved", if they want to be nice about it. Or "introverted" - that's another classic.

He doesn't really get it, to be honest. What's so bad about keeping everything to himself? His feelings, his baggage, his problems, his business. There's plenty of space in his repression box! Other people would only make it even more confusing. He never knows whether to be impressed or terrified whenever he meets someone who loudly broadcasts their every mood because like. What the fuck. What the fuck??!

(Besides. When he does feel something strong enough that he can't suppress it anymore - when the battle makes his blood sing and the smile on his face wondrously feels like it belongs for once - he tends to scare people. They try to hide it (sometimes, at least), but they aren't nearly as good at it as they think they are. He really wishes people realized that "I'm really glad you're fighting on our side" isn't as much of a compliment as they seem to think it is. Thanks for the vote of confidence, guys.)

Or maybe he's just deflecting. Sue him. (No, literally. His father is the god of riches so good luck on that front. Together we can put Alecto's dusty old law degree and human disguise to use again!)

The tears feel hot against his frigid cheeks. This doesn't count as a breakdown, right? He is aware of his surroundings, and he is calm. It's only the tears that won't stop falling for some reason.

Some reason.

Fuck, it's so stupid-

It's just-

He has people that feel like that, sure. Bianca, before she died. Hazel, whenever he gets to see her. But they are just that; people with their own thoughts and wills and whims. People that can move and die and leave and abandon him. But-

It's so stupid because it was just another short and overall insignificant mission given to him by his father. Stupid because he hadn't even needed the unicorn draught he always carries with him. Stupid because he hasn't been able to properly cry in years, had thought his body wasn't physically capable of it anymore-

But then he'd sheathed his beloved blade, pleasantly surprised to see that it'd taken less time than expected. And then, frustratingly casually and without even a second thought: can't wait to go back home.

And he hadn't been thinking about Bianca's Italian lullabies she used to sing to him sometimes, or Hazel's infamous hugs (she may not be very big but damn can that girl give a hug). Instead, he had been thinking about camp.

Not a person that can decide he isn't worth the effort. Not a relationship he has to constant put work into. But a place.

And now he is crying. Honestly what the fuck?!

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 4x05 Rejoined thoughts (I’m re-watching, so beware spoilers for future episodes!)

[28 June '23]

"It's a trick!" "Of course it's a trick!" Oh, Quark 😆

"Painfully shy, introverted, a slight lack of confidence, just the kind of person who might want to dazzle the world with his magical abilities." - Okay, new headcanon that Julian is speaking from experience from when he was younger - he decided magic tricks would be how he'd make friends at new schools.

Interesting camera angle from Sisko's window

"Am I that dispensable around here?" "We'll never notice you're gone." I love their easy friendship and joking <3

"I'll be fine." That waver in her voice though ~

I love that Kira is the one who extensively knows Jadzia's lives. And I love how it really feels like they are all - even Quark - really, actually friends now.

The way Kira breaks into laughter at Julian's trick, I love her smile!

Kira's little touch of his arm, I live for platonic displays of affection.

"The Trill feel very strongly that it's unnatural." "Unnatural?" I LOVE Kira! Her outrage is just SO cathartic

"I don't understand how two people who've fallen in love, and made a life together, can be forced to walk away from each other because of a taboo." I know DS9 could generally have hit harder on LGBT topics, but this is Actually Very Good

"Curzon was even late for his hundredth birthday party." "You're never gonna let me forget that, are you?" Interesting that she switched from Ben's use of Curzon to "me" - highlighting how much she is the other hosts as well as herself.

"I'll be fine," she says, while pinning her badge on upside-down. 😅

"What do Klingons dream about?" I love Kira's gaiety and curiosity here

Hah! Had forgotten Worf's "Things that would send cold chills down your spine and wake you in the middle of the night. It is better you do not know. Excuse me." Okay I do like his deadpan humour.

"Quite an audience." "Seems a shame to disappoint them. Maybe we should do something." Their entire conversation at the party is electric

That purposeful look away they both do when the guy leaves them alone on the bridge.

"That's because you were a pilot and it made me nervous. Made her nervous. Torias being a pilot made Nilani nervous." The mixing up of pronouns - I love how complex the whole situation is allowed to be

"And whatever part of me is still Torias is very sorry and wishes he'd listened to you." - Lenara's nod of acknowledgment.. ohhh, I knew this episode was amazing but I'd forgotten just how compelling and emotional the threads all the way through were

"Would you be interested in dinner? I mean, I'm having dinner with some friends and I thought you might like to go along." I've never seen Jadzia this uncertain of herself!

Pffff Jadzia you made all that up about having dinner with friends?! You've got it baaad

"Something tells me I should say no, but you know I won't." Oh, Julian. And that kiss on the cheek!

Julian's so sulky, my goodness, what a child (affectionate)

Their chemistry is SO - JUST - Y'KNOW

No, I can't even, his little face is so scrunchy! I'm sorry ladies, let's go back and rewatch you rather than Julian being too ridiculous.

"Curzon would be horrified I'm a scientist." I thought Jadzia was a scientist before getting joined so didn't he know?

"The irony is, you and I have more in common than Torias and Nilani ever did." And that is what makes a tragedy 💔

Julian's complete startlement when he's hailed on comms 😂

"I think he enjoyed himself... Maybe not." You think? Especially if you were going through the highlights of your life he's already heard :p

Lenara just giving her the earrings!!! Like it's nothing!!! Like it's not deeply romantic!! I cannot be normal about these two!!!

"There is nothing going on, alright?" But you wish it were, don't you, Lenara?

Jadzia's so pretty in her gown and hair down (she's always pretty shhhh)

"I don't want to do anything to hurt you." Guyssss

Jadzia's brief touch to Lenara's face and forcing herself to take her hand away I cannn't

"I missed you." Oh boy the first time watching this thinking they were going to kiss? But no, and being disappointed but not wholly surprised, it's the 90s BUT NO WHAT'S THIS, they actually DO KISS and it's just so tender. This episode has my entire heart o swear.

I hate that this reasoning why Jadzia should stay away - that the consequence of exile would impact Dax the symbiont - makes sense (even if the taboo doesn't). And that Benjamin can sound so reasonable in trying to dissuade her.

"But I also know I love her, Benjamin." MY HEART

"If you're sure, if this is what you really want, I will back you all the way." After all the other arguments, thank you Ben, that means a lot. <3

Actually, no - it's weird that Dax is seen as a passive part of this decision - the poor symbiont who'll die if Jadzia gets herself exiled - but it's Dax who also, as far as I understand, very much has feelings for Kahn and Nilani, just as much as Jadzia does for Lenara et al. So Dax should also have a say through their link woth their host if they want to choose love over exile.

Jadzia's striding down the corridor to rescue Lenara (and others, ofc)

"I don't want to lose you, not again." "Not again. Never again. Never again. Never." MY HEART, DAMN YOU 90S, WORF WAS NO REPLACEMENT FOR THIS

Jadzia getting down eagerly onto her knees as she asks Lenara to stay. She's so sure she'll accept! And why shouldn't she be!

"Everyone is trying to look out for us. Protect us from ourselves." THIS IS STILL SO RELEVANT

"I can always come back later." I can't help thinking, what if she did change her mind a few years later... Maybe in that 3 month window between season 6 and 7? ... Why am I making myself sad like this? 😭😭😭

The way their eyes meet. Fuck this episode. (affectionate)

God, Jadzia was a wreck over that phasing-planet guy - what she's going to be like over Lenara who she's known for centuries? I just wanna hug her

This is just such a good story though, like even without the gay metaphor and actual gayness, aliens having dilemmas over their society's morality is fascinating, and the Trill very much so!

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

I don’t know if it’s just because I’m aroace myself or because it’s the effect your writing has on me but stsg x aroace reader has been on my mind NONSTOP 😭 what have you done to me. This is literally just my idea and take on it feel free to ignore my silly little ramble I’m actually insane <33

I feel like dynamics where there’s some obstruction of sorts from it being just a regular happy healthy relationship is my fav ever because. It means there’s so much more yearning and pining involved and it’s so much more emotional I LOVE ITTTAUGHH and aroace spec reader is a great example of that. I feel like the main kinda reasoning (“obstruction”) would be how reader views the relationship they have with stsg and how they feel about it, the way it’s supposed to be just a regular platonic friendship but there’s so much unaddressed care and deep rooted love (that maybe reader doesn’t want to address) and it’s just a confusing mess of emotions. Reader being hesitant to accept that maybe it’s more than just a friendship because they aren’t 100% sure what those complex feelings that undoubtedly come with being ‘friends’ with stsg are. AND aside from aroace reader, a reader with intimacy/trust/abandonment issues or trauma that hasn’t been unpacked (take your pick!!) while it is the same kinda theme (basically just reader’s hesitance to have to face and attempt to understand their own emotions) it’s just. AUGH!! It’s such a yummy idea to me there are so many scenarios. Maybe reader just doesn’t want to be helped or is too untrusting/scared to open themselves up and be vulnerable with people again, is kinda introverted maybe, just generally like. Lost. almost as if they don’t really have a place anywhere? They don’t feel particularly special and they’re just painfully conscious of their own negative emotions + their own loneliness?? Are you seeing what I’m seeing. The type of person that could be in a room full of people and still not feel any less alone. In a way they’re a lot like sugu!!! OHHH HOW IT WOULD BREAK SUGUS HEART I ALREADY HAVE A VISION!!!! Him seeing himself in reader. Dear lord. The understanding that bond would create and him slowly coaxing reader into becoming more emotionally open because he gets it, sugu is so special because there’s an unspoken understanding between him and reader that they’re kindred spirits. as I’m writing this I am literally imagining reader and sugu sitting by the sea late at night. The sea is where lost doomed people that are overwhelmed by their own grief belong!!!! Can you hear my heart shattering and can you tell how much I love angst 😇😇😇 takes a deep sigh and leans back in my expensive chair as I dramatically overlook the city below me. Another day of being a stsg fan forcing everyone else to suffer with me because nobody in the jjk fandom will ever feel joy again

OLLIE MY DEAREST ohhhhh reading this made me so :(((( so so emotional AND I AGREE COMPLETELY what if i told you this is literally exactly what i had in mind………… we’re so connected fr

(this got Very long 😭😭 you have been warned!!)

FIRST OFF it’s crazy that you specifically mention The Sea bc !!!!! when i thought of the aroace!reader stsg fic i immediately envisioned them sitting by the sea under the stars :> i might’ve mentioned that but i don’t Think i did …… IT REALLY IS THE PERFECT PLACE FOR LOST SOULS DOOMED SOULS GRIEFSTRICKEN SOULS ETC ETC IT’S TRUE IT’S TRUEEEE i think it’s perfect for sugu/reader especially !!! T_T more on that later tho…

but okok let’s get into this I’M OVERJOYED THAT YOU’RE INTO AROACE!READER/STSG BTW I THINK IT’S SUCH A TASTY CONCEPT ….. from one aspec to another i am equally insane abt them i just. think there’s so much potential there…..

some of the things i love writing about most are 1) the blurry lines between platonic/romantic love (one of my gojo fics was actually written w a qp relationship in mind :33) and 2) the difficult parts of love/the fear of intimacy in general… it’s something i like exploring because it’s interesting + i don’t see it in fanfic often and. idk!! i just think it’s important to me that i depict a kind of love that’s very tender and healing and careful. especially since i literally only write for characters who have intimacy issues themselves LMAO

I feel like dynamics where there’s some obstruction of sorts from it being just a regular happy healthy relationship is my fav ever because. It means there’s so much more yearning and pining involved and it’s so much more emotional I LOVE ITTTAUGHH

LITERALLY THIS you put it so perfectly ollie.. T_T love with obstructions is alwaysss most interesting to me …. AND I AGREE!! if i ever end up writing this fic the focus will definitely be on reader and how they view love!! being on the spectrum is genuinely so isolating sometimes and i feel like that’s comparable to the kind of isolation stsg carry with them :’3 none of you can fully understand the others’ individual hardships but with a lot of understanding and respect i think it would go well.

… honestly i hc both gojo and geto as being on the spectrum themselves LMAO but maybe i’ll avoid those hcs to make the fic more interesting 😭😭 ace demiromantic gojo + demisexual sugu are soooo real to me they’re my pookies <333

it’s supposed to be just a regular platonic friendship but there’s so much unaddressed care and deep rooted love (that maybe reader doesn’t want to address) and it’s just a confusing mess of emotions.

OLLIE I SWEAR WE’RE CONNECTED THROUGH THE AROACE HIVEMIND BC THIS WAS EXACTLY MY THOUGHT PROCESS TOO 😭😭😭 it’s just such a tasty scenario because i feel like stsg would be in denial about their feelings at first, but then (once they’ve come to terms with it!!) approach reader immediately… i kinda pictured it as stsg already being a couple, and then confessing to reader with the hope of them joining their relationship……… and it’s so difficult because reader doesn’t really know where their feeling lies between platonic and romantic, don’t really care about the specifics, they just know that they love them and cherish them but now they feel pressured to put a label on it and i think that would just make them panic.

and it’s not at all intentional on stsg’s side !!! they’re half expecting reader to reject them, but they’re just so sincere and tender about the confession. and i think that they just won’t be able to understand reader’s feelings even when they try to explain it :’3 because reader does like them. love them. but they don’t know if it’s romantic, and they don’t really want to know. and even if they knew for sure, they might not care for a standard relationship anyway!! it would just take a lot of understanding and support from stsg to even have that conversation without reader running away, but i think they’re both so gentle when it comes to you :(( they’re always willing to hear you out, and even if they don’t understand all the aspects of being aroace, that doesn’t mean they won’t support it.

…. tbh i’m not entirely sure how it’d work out 😭😭 i think it’d have to be kind of vague but i can picture the three of them living together, going grocery shopping and cuddling and whatnot, and there aren’t really any labels there. not for reader anyway. but they all love each other and that’s enough <33

i love how we both started ranting LMAO this concept just means a lot to me so i can’t help but ramble a bit T_T BUT BUT BUTTTTT we still need to talk abt stsg with a reader that has intimacy issues/unpacked trauma… ollie literally every single part of ur ask made me feel insane in the head this is another concept that means a lot to me and i’m SOOO excited that i get to talk abt it with you!!!! :’3 i think i’ve already said this plenty of times but i’ll die on this hill: stsg would be PERFECT for this kind of reader. so loyal and understanding and accepting. they’d be so, so patient because both of them really only care about your happiness!! that’s all!!!!

and tbh i feel like no matter what kind of issues reader has specifically, it all boils down to them having difficulties with vulnerability!! showing it and seeing it and just embracing it as something important and healing. AND that’s perfect for stsg because they’re literally the same LMAO…. and in this case i think that would benefit the relationship as a whole!! it’ll be bumpy at first because i feel like all three of you would encourage the other two to open up, express themselves etc — but then not return that vulnerability. and that just wouldn’t work out!! and i think that would force you to open up, if only so your partners will do the same. same for stsg!! and it’s just soooo tender and raw :(((( but so important!!

i can honestly imagine suguru having the most trouble opening up, even though he’ll be the most insistant that you and satoru do so 😭😭 he’s a big ol hypocrite is what i’m saying. but i can see him dipping his toes into that vulnerability for you, because he knows you won’t get anywhere otherwise and he wants to be a good example for you to follow. it’d make things so much easier for reader because they aren’t the only one who’s having difficulties !! it’s all three of you!! you’re all learning and growing and loving each other so delicately :’3

now on the topic of sugu….

OHHH HOW IT WOULD BREAK SUGUS HEART I ALREADY HAVE A VISION!!!! Him seeing himself in reader. Dear lord. The understanding that bond would create and him slowly coaxing reader into becoming more emotionally open because he gets it, sugu is so special because there’s an unspoken understanding between him and reader that they’re kindred spirits.

THIS THIS THISSSSS OLLIE OUR BRAINS ARE HOLDING HANDS YOU GET IT YOU GET ITTT this is SUCH a great scenario AND IT’S SO REAL TOO… i think sugu would be the mvp in helping reader (NO DISRESPECT TO SATORU i think he would be vital in other ways!!) because like you said!! they’re the same. there’s something so soft and tender in that dynamic :’3 them talking by the sea… about their own loneliness and difficult pasts……. i 100% hc sugu as having had a rough childhood so if reader also did it’d just strenghten their connection even further. i think that what suguru needs more than anything else is understanding, so to receive that from reader, while also being able to give it in return……. yeahhhh. he’s whipped. you’d be talking by the sea looking up at the stars and he would already be thinking of marriage LMAO he’s such a sap to me 😭😭😭 he just has this moment when he realizes that he wants to Protect You Forever and it’s so special to him. he’s your pillar and you’re his anchor. (<- slowly spiralling as we speak I LOVE THIS MAN SO DEARLY…..)

OLLIIIIIEEEEEE THIS MADE ME FUCKING INSANE I’M SO SERIOUS I ALMOST CRIED both these concepts are so good T_T….. i can’t thank u enough for sharing them w me <333 YOU’RE ALWAYS WELCOME IN MY INBOX ILYSM!!!! i really feel like we see stsg the same way i swearrrr it’s the aroace hivemind…… anyway i am looking out at the city right with you………… drinking a glass of orange juice………… pondering stsg…………… they make me so sad/happy/other emotions that i don’t think human beings are supposed to feel 😔😔😔

[donnerpartyofone]

.

When I was little, in one of the earliest grades I forget which, my teacher sent me home with a note for my parents explaining that I was probably intellectually disabled and they should have me evaluated. The reason was that I was having an inordinate amount of trouble cutting and pasting. I'm sure the fact that I didn't talk and other kids treated me like a plague carrier contributed to this casual diagnosis. As my father tells it, he and my mom kind of freaked out about the possibility that they had a retarded child, and booked an IQ test for me. The legend goes that I tested higher than my mother, who had scored pretty high already, and it turned out the whole thing had been a misunderstanding; I was so shy that I always got stuck with left-handed scissors, because there was never enough of everything for the whole class, and I just never told anyone I needed something that I probably wasn't going to get. So therefore all my cutting and pasting efforts looked pretty "retarded". Ha ha ha. But I think that my parents' initial reaction to the note, that they thought it was completely possible that I was handicapped, is telling. I used to think about this anecdote in terms of how painfully introverted I've always been, but as a full grown adult I often wonder if my life could have been different if I had been put in special education. I'm just really, really incapable of things that my peers seem to do easily. Just now I was trying to organize something, and I even looked up the answer I needed (I typically use a calculator for even basic addition and subtraction, and look everything up online because whenever I just trust myself something gets ruined), and basically all I needed to know was whether or not 2 was greater than 10, and I just could not wrap my head around it, and actually I should have known the answer to my problem immediately because it was the same answer I already had for a different but related problem, but instead of just connecting the dots I started from scratch and got it wrong. And I didn't even know I had it wrong until I moronically said my conclusion out loud and someone else had to say "Ummm..." And I remember the last time I did this exact type of thing wrong, too. And on it goes. I don't know what the fuck to do with my life. I'm really fucking stupid, but you're not even allowed to admit that or someone accuses you of being negative or hard on yourself or some other thing that gives them permission to not listen to you and go on believing that life is equally great for everyone and we're all filled with the same limitless potential. It's painful to hear people tell me that secretly I'm actually smart when I don't produce any evidence and I don't reap any of the benefits. I usually go to the same allegory I use in response to the idea of being "beautiful in my own way", that saying I'm really smart when I can't do anything smart people do is like telling me I have a million dollars in the bank, just for some reason no one will take my money. I honestly think that, a lot of the time, people just assume I'm smart because I'm dorky and awkward and wear glasses and say a lot of adjectives. But I've never done anything in my life that would prove to someone that I'm smart and I struggle with the most humiliating concepts and operations all the time. I barely even got through college. It's just not there.

I feel constantly misunderstood by people, it's the whole reason I write, to try to become articulate enough to be understood, but after experiencing the same thing over and over again I think I have it inside out. I'm constantly struggling to get anyone to acknowledge or agree with what I'm saying because I'm way behind everybody else. I think it must be me who doesn't understand what anybody else is saying. That's a more rational explanation and I have to remind myself of it next time I find myself compulsively reiterating something that left everyone else scratching their head. I'm always wrong, and things have happened to me in my life that could only have happened to someone really fucking stupid. And like that would be fine if there were something for me to do. If there were some sort of halfway house I could get admitted to, or some sort of jail for stupidity. Sometimes I fantasize about like a commune I could go to where I can just do really basic manual labor like farming, and just eat what comes out of that, and just stay in my little cell all the time and be contained by having a stable routine and only one place to go. But of course any situation like that winds up turning into Jonestown or Willowbrook or whatever. Eventually I'll do something so stupid it will kill me and I'll win a Darwin award or something, but the more pressing issue is that my stupidity contributes to my emotional dysfunction. It's agonizing to be stupid, to be beneath everything you care about and admire and would like to do, and then you become hard to be around because having emotional problems is a bad quality that makes people dislike and avoid you (and who could blame them). And because I'm an intellectually-oriented person, like culturally and such, my stupidity becomes the defining characteristic of my existence. It would be OK if I were "sweet and dumb", or a dumb jock, or a sexy bimbo, or if I had a goal in life that was more material and sentiment-oriented like being a really great mom. But I don't have any of those co-components going on, only the dumb part, and you can't do anything with dumbness. It doesn't have a silver lining or a useful byproduct. It's incredibly destructive actually. I really don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself, and I don't want to do anything of the things I'm doing now. There just aren't any options for someone like me.

[moe-broey]

Was there a particular moment where the characters of FEH really sunk their claws in for you?

For me personally was the half a body, half a mind page from the silly little side comic (aka where Robin asks Kiran if Alfonse is their other half and they chose to interpret that very literally). The revelation that Alfonse and Kiran’s dynamic switches who has the braincell in the prince/tactician dynamic was eye opening. And then the follow up of Sharena being fucking gobsmacked that local introvert prince managed to S rank Kiran was beautiful 10/10 makes me both happy and sad. And from then on the brain rot has been STRONG. No thoughts head empty only these lil guys.

Oughgh I'VE. BEEN RUMINATING ON THIS.... (which is. Why it took so long for me to respond to LMFAOO)

BUT.... first of all YOUR INTERPRETATION. OF THE "Half a body, half a mind" bit is HUGE. Like you're so right, there is a lot of symbolism there even if it's silly!!! And esppp Sharena's reaction to Alfonse making a close friend, so easily in her eyes... that absolutely would be a sleeper agent thing for me actually. Like. I wouldn't consider it until Much later, and when I did it just never left my mind.

And I think that's the thing!! I've actually been having a lot of trouble, trying to pinpoint exactly Where each took such a strong hold on me LMFAO. I think, because it's this gradual and constant process of taking in information, noticing something Odd, re-examining, re-contextualizing, and gaining new perspective.

It def happened quicker w Alfonse though, cause he's actually much easier to read. Immediately you can tell his words and actions aren't matching up, and through that you can tell his feelings aren't matching his words either. You also see the clear reason Why he's Like That, on. Several different levels.

I think.... the lines of dialogue that always stick with me. His entire level 40 convo. I'm always thinking about it. I'll often revisit it. And, a lot of his lines to or about the summoner: "Please, remain with us, [summoner]?", "Or... is it that reality has been reshaped by my fear of having lost [summoner]?"

BUT, I think. What really got me was actually his Forging Bonds with Dieck. Like at this point I was already in way too deep LMFAO BUT. Dieck's fucking dialogue fucked me up SO much actually

I AM LITERALLY ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT THIS FUCKING DIALOGUE ‼️‼️‼️‼️It REALLY opened my eyes AND put words to something that was Constantly nagging at me. How Alfonse, from the very start, will say one thing, and then. Directly contradict himself. Not because he's disingenuous -- but because he's so split in two.

AND. AUGHHGH!! THAT'S!!!! You think he's so reserved, and he is. But he wears his heart on his sleeve and will talk openly with anyone who will listen. You think he's the cool and collected type, he OFTEN leaves people with that impression. But SO many times he acts rashly, with little regard for himself. He claims, he can't be driven by emotion because those driven by emotion cannot rule. BUT HE. IS. SUCH A PAINFULLY EMOTIONAL CHARACTER. Almost EVERYTHING he does is driven by his emotions -- I absolutely think so much about how he has a bit of a temper on him, and I think about all the little ways he so clearly and deeply loves Sharena, I think about how much of a mess he is over Bruno, I think about just how quickly he warmed up to the summoner despite insisting upon keeping his distance. Hell, you think he's like. This very serious guy. And he is! Aaand then next thing you know he's dug a ditch and he's thrown himself into it and he's covered in mud. AND. THE WILDEST PART OF THAT. Is the Way he does it, the reason Why, it. Tracks. Like yeah. He would do that. That's actually not out of character for him.

(ALSO as a side his Forging Bonds w f!Alear also live in my head rent free -- another instance of, taking a step back and re-evaluating. It was actually so refreshing in a way? You get used to just how warm he is with the summoner, that you forget just how cold he can be too. That's ALSO something I'm so not normal about. The asshole tendencies. The coldness, and the ruthlessness. It's subtle, but There. He does have a harsher side to him.)

AND ALL OF THIS....... still only feels like the tip of the iceberg. But literally I will never shut up about it LMFAOOO I GOTTA. BECAUSE. SHARENA‼️‼️‼️

I think actually I have an easier time pinning down where I started having Thoughts about her. Because, I made the same mistake a lot of charas in-universe make, even Alfonse, himself. Assuming, that just because she's outgoing and friendly, that she has an easier time making friends. When like. Really, it's been present the whole time actually -- from that FEH comic, to the Paralogues featuring Katarina, like. She doesn't. She struggles just as much, if not more.

But I think, the exact point I actually internalized this was in her Forging Bonds w f!Byleth. Like. Those convos REALLY make it clear, so much so I felt stupid for not even seeing that sooner. And, it helped me re-contextualize her level 40 convo also! When I first got that dialogue, I really didn't know what to make of it. LIKE. ABSOLUTELY she's so sweet and I love her. But. I really had no idea what to make of it! Until like. It became clear to me, ohhhhhhhh I. Fell for the front she puts up as a defense mechanism. You can be cheerful and silly and deeply hurt and have just as many interpersonal issues as someone who like. Shows clearer signs of having those issues. Okay! Got it 🫡 SHKAHSJSHJAJ

And then I think that's when I became just deeply unwell about her too LMFAOOOOOOO