#think....Barbie and Skipper?

[toxicxsugarxart]

This started as a joke after seeing the movie, but the second one I could actually see helping me adjust as a tween. Mattel please contact me I have so many ideas for educational Barbaras.

Commissions open!

[camelspit]

visibly clenching my jaw and shaking with rage. why are all the newer barbie movies trash.

[imreadyforascesion]

I learned Skipper (the Mattel character) had a friend she was sold alongside of in 1972 with the tagline “Skipper’s Tomboy Friend Tiff!” and I was like ‘oh they were DEFINITELY lesbians’. Tiff was discontinued shortly after her release, but I think she looked really cute, her face mold was so charming compared to Skipper’s soulless blue eyes.

I didn’t picture it here, but Tiff also came with a skateboard, so I like to think that these two met when Tiff was skating and bumped into Skipper meet-cute style.

[thelizardperson]

okayyyy seeing barbie the second time and some things i noticed that i think push more into the critique of barbie - on the first day where barbie has a perfect day and gets the perfect breakfast, she sips the milk but doesn’t eat the waffle, in fact barbie doesn’t actually eat. ever. and its not because she cannot as a doll, again she does the action of sipping milk, and in fact does even drink actual tea in the real world, but she doesn’t even pretend to eat. now i do think its a stretch but i think this could be greta’s nod to how barbie being an unrealistic body type can lead to unhealthy eating habits

-  even barbie world where everything is perfect and women rule the world, they still carry the harmful social dynamics girls experience when they don’t do femininity “right” - weird barbie is still ostracized and exiled for being weird. The Barbies still worry about having perfect hair and Barbie’s flat feet are considered unequivocally gross.

- something that im still thinking about is that at the end of the mom’s double standards speech, she ends with “i dont know” and i dont know if its intentional but both times ive listened to that and gotten to the end im like okay wow. but uh. what was the point? and that i dont know at the end makes me feel like it is a critique on like, feminism that is just about pointing out the things wrong with the patriarchy without offering a real solution ? (im still trying to understand my own take on this tbh) and how like this sort of rhetoric managed to snap the barbies out of their patriarchy trances and magically solve everything but like. that doesn’t work in the real world. the real world is aware of this dichotomy, take sasha, the politically correct middle schooler, who is portrayed not just as an exception, a nerdy sjw, but in fact as a cool girl, leader of the intimating middle school girl posse - she knows that women are mistreated, but that doesn’t solve that companies “still do patriarchy very well, but just know how to hide it better“. Like i guess its that the message is here. everyone knows we Should treat women better, but how do we institute that kind of change? As we see with the way barbies treat each other and approach beauty as a necessity, even just putting women in power doesn’t necessarily solve it? im not sure, but i think somewhere in here is the heart of the movie, this movie which says only men in power doesn’t work, but neither does just women in power. - ordinary barbie... who is she? are we able to glamorize and idolize a regular woman? I think “mattel” says she will sell because she is relatable, and that is what people are clamoring for atm, especially youth who want accurate representation and to be seen. but like, idk the consequences of that are not discussed. Will she stay relevant? Will she ever be as iconic as stereotypical barbie is? Can she be? - The way mattel is portrayed in this movie is ... interesting. I think a lot of it must be censored/restricted by the actual company’s influence on the film, but like... hmm. They’re portrayed kind of as an “average corporation”, boring office, all male executives, the quip at the end being like oh if ordinary barbie sells we’ll make her. But also the ceo not caring that ken is making money, and only “caring about little girls and their dreams” was a weird, unexpected line for me. is this them trying to protect their image? like an oh we do only really care about making money but we can’t just outwardly sell patriarchy because that would look bad? or was that genuine? Is he too lost in the corporation sauce that he sold himself on that idea? Also because the executives are portrayed very de-humanized and lacking in autonomy (honestly some of the least human-like characters in the movie about dolls).

[alicornmoonstar]

I can’t wait to see if the Barbie movie being successful ends in us getting a whole bunch of retro Barbies re-released 😃 I’d love to get a rollerblading set 

[televinita]

"We see your Barbie movie and raise you 'Barbie's Uncle's Uptown Estate'."

[honeyblssom]

This pre-prom party was so fun that Elijah skipped prom altogether

bc he met Betsy

Hehehehehe

[yougavemeyourheartyouknow]

Thinking about Jealous Baby daddy! Miguel O'Hara who seems grumpier during the next custody swap the following week. A permanent scowl etched on his face as he crosses his arms over his chest while leaning against his car. Only answer in a grumble when you asked what’s wrong, wanting to see if you’d mentioned anything about the date you went on, acting as if he didn’t know about it. You didn’t.

Jealous baby daddy!Miguel starts to probe any info about your new suiter from Gabriella whenever he can during his weeks with her, wanting to see if it was only a fling or if it had any potential to turn into something serious. Huffing when his daughter starts to tease him about it when she notices he starts to be asking about it too often, denying her claims of him “having a crush” on mommy again, him trying to defend himself to the 10 year old by saying he only wanted to make sure that the guy wasn’t a jerk.

It didn’t matter if he was the nicest man on earth though, Miguel wasn’t gonna like him either way.

Jealous baby daddy!Miguel who finally cracked and “casually” mentioned to you that Gabi has been making comments about you seeing someone as of recently during one of her games and “accidentally” forgot to mention that he’s been basically interrogating your girl about him. Purposely leaning in a bit closer as he whispered into your ear while you both sat on the metal bleachers, fighting off an oncoming smirk from his lips when he noticed your shoulders tensing up and your cheeks growing warmer even if your eyes stayed on the field.

Jealous baby daddy!Miguel who purposely starts to get more touchy. Not in an inappropriate way, but in a smaller strategic way. Letting his fingertips linger a second too long against yours when he hands you Gabriella’s school bag, his thighs brushing against yours the whole time during a soccer game. Small things that he can dismiss if you try to confront him by saying you’re being silly, but he knows that it driving you crazy.

Jealous baby daddy!Miguel who suddenly starts sending you photos of you both in college when you were both dating before you had Gabi, saying he “stumbled across it” while cleaning.

—

“Okay, go get ready for bed, amor.” (Sweetie.)

“Si mami!” (Yes mom!)”

As the pitter patter of Gabriella’s blue crocs make their way over to the bathroom, you got up and off the couch to tidy up the mess of Barbies off from your living room carpet floor. While putting away the skipper doll back in the toy bin, you heard your phone vibrate on the couch, quickly placing it in the bin before standing up straight and dusting your hands off to go see who texted you, expecting it to be the guy you're talking to.

To your surprise though, Miguel’s name was popping up instead, with a raised brow you go to open the message. Your face of mild confusion turns into one of a small look of nostalgia.

“Look what I found while cleaning up my computer storage.” Was the message that accompanied the photo, you and Miguel, around 19 you’d like to say, in a candid shot one of your friends took of you both, you playfully smuggling some ice cream on the side of his cheek while you both laugh.

“Mom! I’m ready!” Your daughter’s sudden call quickly took you out of your state of reminiscing, snapping you back to present time. Telling her you’d be right up as you close your phone and placed it back on the coach, but not before liking the message.

—

Part 1<

Part 3<

Not proofread

Word count: 600

[anonpolls]

Thanks, Anon!

-submit your poll!-

[princessgemma12]

So, I haven't had a chance to watch the movie proper, yet--I plan on going to the AMC near campus after the semester starts. But I like learning about Barbie and the BarbieVerse! Especially the weirder aspects--like the history of Midge, or the "Pregnant Barbie."

So! Let's talk about Midge for a minute.

Pregnant Midge is not a teenager when she has her baby.

Let me state that plainly. At her debut, in the '60s, she (as well as her debut-bestie Barbie) was a teenager. She was made as the best friend to Barbie, a bit softer in her features but with the same proportions so they could share clothes. She was discontinued in '67 and returned in '88 with the Barbie beach line. Alan/Allan debuted two years after her in the '60s, as her boyfriend.

A set of Barbie dolls in 1991 featured Barbie as Midge's maid of honor, at Midge's wedding to Alan. This is BarbieWorld canon into the 2000s.

In 2002, Midge and Allan were sold in the Happy Family Line. Alan was sold with their little boy Ryan--his age is never confirmed but based on 3-4 year old dolls of his same size/proportions, it's generally assumed he is about 3-4 years old--and Pregnant Midge, carrying their second baby--their first daughter, Nikki.

Barbie, who is the same age as Midge, canonically, was the doctor that delivered Nikki. This is BarbieWorld canon for the Midge and Alan Happy Family Line.

Their third child's name was eventually revealed to be Cassandra.*

Considering Ryan is pre-K age when Nikki is born, and Barbie delivered her, Barbie and Midge would realistically need to be well into adulthood by the time Midge had even Ryan. To put numbers to it, let's assume Barbie was completely average in her timing. A bachelor's takes 4 fours to complete, medical school is another 4, and residency yet another 4--assuming Barbie was 18-19 when she began university, she (and therefore Midge) would be about 30 when she finished.

Now, yes! Med students CAN DELIVER BABIES. And being her bestie, Midge may very well have been perfectly fine and trusting of Med Student Barbie and consented to have Med Student Barbie deliver her baby Nikki. However, let's say Barbie is even a first year med student when Nikki is born.

Barbie Roberts's birthday is March 9. For the sake of numbers, we'll say she was born 2010. She'd be able to start preschool in 2014, at 4-5, then kindergarten at 5-6, and then first grade at 6-7. I know and understand this because I'm also a winter baby--this is how school and aging works for most people born between December and April--you end up being on the older end of the class, because classes don't start until Fall, when you're already half-way past the usual starting age. So, like me, Barbie would most likely be 18 years old when she graduates high school; 18-19 her first year of college, 19-20 her second, 20-21 her third, and 21-22 her fourth. She would be 22-23 her first year of Med school.

Now, assuming they grew up right alongide each other, same classes, Midge would also need to be a winter baby--it's canon that they were in cribs together not just diapers, and while Midge doesn't have an exact birthday, we know she's the same age as Barbie. Which would mean that she's 22-23 during Barbies first year of med school; the same age as her basically their entire lives. So in the unlikely scenario that First Year Med Student Barbie did deliver Nikki, with Ryan being about 3-4, that would mean that Midge and Alan were about 18-19 when they got married and had Ryan. So... incredibly unlikely as it is, even with Barbie and Midge being best friends, that Barbie would be allowed to outright deliver a baby--any baby!--as a first-year med student, if she did, Midge and Alan would have been teen parents initially. They would have been teenage parents for baby Ryan. By the time Ryan is 3-4 and Nikki is on the way, they're all well into their 20s.

More realistically, they'd be closer to 30, or after 30--well into Med School for Barbie, or her residency, or during her post-schooling practice. Regardless--Midge has never been meant to be a teen mother; she's always been meant to be a relatively long-married woman expanding her family with her loving husband. She's always been meant to be an adult when having children (post-marriage) with Allan.

Pregnant Midge is not a showing of teen pregnancy. She is the only pregnant Midge doll--the Midge in the movie, being pregnant, would therefore reasonably be the Happy Family Midge doll pregnant with Nikki. Ryan was never sold with her; him and Alan were only ever cardboard cutouts after the controversies surrounding the Midge doll. So regardless of whether Ryan is ever in the movie, it only makes sense that Movie!Midge is pregnant with Nikki, her second child. As an adult.

The idea of her being a teen mother--and a single one at that!--is from conservative outrage against the Pregnant Midge doll (which was marketed as an educational tool to families) in the early 2000s. She was not initially released with an obvious or separate ring, and she was never sold with Alan or Ryan in the Happy Family Line--conservatives took her model completely out of context, out of every bit of recent and relevant lore, and pushed the false idea that Midge was, or was meant to be, a teenager in the Happy Family Line--a teenage mother. Mattel, as the outrage ensued, attempted to remodel her and Alan were separate, cardboard rings, more obvious brands on their fingers--it didn't matter because the line was ultimately a teaching tool for expanding families. Midge, in the early 2000s, was supposed to be a representation of real families expecting their second baby--a new sibling, a pregnant Mom.

This line was quickly discontinued, and the next time Midge appeared, in 2013, she was seemingly single and childless--who the hell knows what went down with Alan during the blank years of their canon, but it seems she just got completely retconned.

SO. The Barbie movie. Midge is pregnant. The other characters said they "cancelled her." They did. Mattel did. Because their attempt at providing a useful teaching tool to stressed, expanding families, was met by conservative fear-mongering. They're not shaming teen pregnancy in the movie--because Nikki wasn't a teen pregnancy, and (realistically) neither was Ryan.

*Note: there was a second Pregnant Midge doll that was much more obscure, which had a randomly sexed baby per box--so Box 1 could have a baby girl and Box 3 a boy. However, I can't seem to find much info on that model--just vague mentions of it. It's possible this model was a different line entirely, not directly connected to the Happy Family line that the "popular" Pregnant Midge doll was part of, and maybe not even canon. The Cassandra I refer to here is featured only as a picture in a photo album in the set for Nikki's first birthday--which featured Midge, Nikki in a baby carrier, a small dog in a carrier, and the photo album, among other small assorted items.

What about Midge?

Margot Robbie’s “Barbie” movie has become a cultural phenomenon. It’s projected to make between $75 million and a whopping $140 million on it first weekend.

But is it good? I don’t think any movie can live up to the hype that has been generated. I thought it was interesting and odd.

Warner Brothers has released so many clip from the movie that the first third involves connecting all the dots of Barbie’s bubble gum pink world.

The second third is your classic fish out of water story - Barbie’s rude awakening that women (and girls) are not empowered in the real world. But more importantly, it sets up the villain of the last third of the movie - Ken as the villain.

Until now Ken has been treated as an “also ran”. Barbie barely acknowledges him despite his professions of love. So when he sees men control the power structure of the real world - he brings that back to BarbieLand.

This section of the movie is very existential with Barbie trying to understand her place in the world. There’s lots of talking about empowerment.

What I thought was odd, was how easily and quickly the Barbies of BarbieLand turned over their power to the Kens. Is there an underlying message?

The movie is fun and bright (and has a terrific dance number by the Kens) and it’s also thought provoking. BUT little girls (and boys) who actually play with Barbie Dolls won’t have a clue about what’s going on. And their mother’s might be shocked when Barbie proclaims, “I don’t have a vagina.”

Margot Robbie is great, both as Stereotypical Barbie and as Dazed and Confused Barbie. Ryan Gosling is terrific as Ken and he really committed to the role. Can an actor win an Oscar for portraying a plastic doll?

I also enjoyed Simu Liu as Ken’s rival Ken#2. I think it will be a long time before we see the sequel to Marvel’s Shang-Chi so it was nice that he had screen time.

With all the talk about empowerment and discovering who you really are, I was surprised the movie shamed Teenage Pregnancy. Mattel created Midge in 1963. She was supposed to be Barbie’s best friend. They gave her a boyfriend too - Allan, played by Michael Cera. In 1988 Mattel released a pregnant Midge (with a small baby doll in her belly). It created a bit of a controversy and the line (and Midge) was discontinued.

In the film, Pregnant Midge appears a few times - but always in the periphery of the scene, and when someone notices her, they proclaim, “I thought we cancelled her!”

In the 21st Century I thought we had grown beyond shaming Pregnant Teenaged Girls.

By the way, it was fun seeing cameos by 1993’s Gay Ken (check out his necklace). And 2009’s Sugar Daddy Ken (He has a dog named Sugar, and he’s the dog’s “daddy”.)

NOTE: The entire subplot involving Will Ferrell was pointless and unnecessary.

[overly-distressed-mouse]

Okay I'm now home from watching the Barbie movie, so I have to bestow some knowledge upon you fuckers (aka me infodumping actual Barbie lore because there were a lot of references there).

So, first and foremost, in one scene, we see "Earring Ken" and "Growing up Skipper" (very short scene, don't worry if you missed it). But these were actual Barbie dolls released by Mattel way back whenever (See pictures below)

So, "Earring Ken" was actually "Earring Magic Ken". His whole thing was Mattel wanted to be cool and hip with the kids or whatever, so they created him. Except their idea of going out and finding inspiration and information as to what was "hip with the kids", was gay bars. And raves. As you can imagine, Earring Magic Ken did not stay on shelves too long (about 6 months) (though he did sell actually really well and I believe is still one of their most sold despite only being available for such a short time). I'm pretty sure his necklace charm could be swapped out too and also worn as actual earrings. HOWEVER, the part about Earring Magic Ken that kills me, is that because they went to gay bars, not only did they give him a mesh shirt and shit (as seen above), but the charm on his necklace? Is a cock ring. Did Mattel realize this? Probably the fuck not, but that's what it was💕

Growing up Skipper was also an actual doll, and just like in the movie, if you twisted her arm, she grew boobs. She also grew like an inch taller or something. I'm pretty sure she also was not on the shelf long, but she was introduced in the 1970s. So that's fun

Next up, Midge and Allan (who both play slightly bigger roles in the film but here's pictures anyways)

So Midge was Barbie's best friend, and was released specifically because Mattel found themselves faced with high demand for a pregnant Barbie doll. But of course, Barbie can never get married or be pregnant or have kids, because it ages her, and obviously seeming a little older means Barbie is suddenly worthless and unappealing (Woo patriarchy!). So their solution was Midge, who, ironically, ended up being everything Barbie couldn't (which is kind of funny since she's supposed to be able to be any and everything ever). So, them making her only personality trait in the movie her pregnancy, is kind of spot on. She did have actual dolls initially but then seemed to disappear for a while, having been replaced with other "Barbie's best friend!"'s. Actually they also replaced Barbie's siblings several times but that's another post. Midge did eventually return though in Life in the Dreamhouse (See below)

One thing they never mentioned in the movie, however, is that Allan was actually Midge's boyfriend. I don't have too much on him besides that but I think it's worth mentioning.

Anywho, there's my rant on some of the characters in the Barbie movie, if you made it this far, thanks :))

[barbielore]

So Much To Do was a Barbie line from the 1990s featuring Barbie as a busy woman on the go running errands. This is fascinating to me in many ways because in addition to showing us some really mundane minutiae of the Barbie world, these Barbies generally depict her patronizing different places rather than working in them, as is typically her way.

In fact, Ken is typically the one shown working in these playsets, as he is representing the employee at the Post Office, the Bank and the Supermarket.

In a way, in fact, you could interpret this run of Barbies as being an odd throwback, as the Kens are mostly the ones with jobs and the Barbies are the ones doing chores and keeping the household running. Because, in fact, these playsets were not just errands that took place outside the house. Barbie also got real domestic.

I have to say, though, you can interpret it however you want, but I love this. Barbie has a handheld dustbuster! She has a little bottle of cleaning spray!

And the Kens aren't the only employees in this branch of Barbie World. The Mini Mart seems to be run by a Skipper.

I'm not sure what's happening in the background art there on the box, but it really looks like a police officer is giving Barbie a parking ticket. I mean, let me know what else you think that could be. But I think that's a Ken Cop giving Barbie a parking ticket.

I love these so much because I love any Barbie set that comes with a bunch of little items. Little items are always the way to win me over.

Thank you, Mattel, for providing the world with tiny Barbie-sized laundry liquid and an iron. We needed that. Even if we didn't know it.

[dollsahoy]

If we're going to talk about Mattel sculptors, I have to bring up Hussein Abbo

Brandy! Goddess! Mbili! (Desiree's face is really cute, it just ended up too big for her head in the playline dolls 😑)

I have also seen an old press release that said he sculpted Shani, Nichelle, and Asha.

Now, I, personally, happen to think that Nichelle has a lot of design elements in common with Mackie, which I also think has a lot of design elements in common with 1987 Skipper.

I have also seen the claim that he sculpted Generation Girl Blaine.

If he did sculpt all of those, then he may be my favorite Barbie sculptor

[smallerplaces]

Jazzie-cise

Seeing Jazzie lined up with some of her Mattel peers, I relate to her more than I ever did to Growing Up Skipper, Francie, or any of the dolls who were supposed to be "more realistic" than Barbie. Jazzie, like me as a teen, is tall and gangly.

Teen Trends Swim Suit Jazzie (1989), the only brown-eyed Jazzie, is here in her colorful bikini with various Mattel gals of the 1990s through 2006.

Jazzie is taller than Sun Sensations Barbie. Seriously. Barbie has fashion feet, while Jazzie has low-heeled feet. But look how Jazzie is at least as tall as her older cousin!

She's definitely taller than flat-footed Hula Hair Teresa. She towers over Cool Teen Babysitter Skipper from the late 1990s. And, of course, she's much larger than Hobbit Teresa from 2006.

Let's strip 'em down and do a real body comparison after the jump.

Good grief, Jazzie is tall! Her waist is most like that of Hula Hair Teresa, but she's wider in the hips. Her bust size is similar to later Cool Teen Skipper, but Jazzie has a different hip shape that makes her look wider than Skipper, too. She's definitely way smaller through the chest and shoulders than Barbie, to our left.

I removed Hula Hair Teresa from the comparison because it was hard to work around her hair, and now I'm questioning that decision.

Jazzie is definitely fully through the hips than Cool Teen Skipper. She also has more developed legs. This Skipper is canonically 16. Is Jazzie meant to be older, younger, or the same age but a different body type?

Comparing Jazzie directly to Cool Teen Skipper, I feel like I'm looking at dolls from two different brands. The intent is the same, but Cool Teen Skipper is so much more delicate and refined. Jazzie, while filled with enthusiasm, hasn't grown into herself.

I love them both, but I don't think they're going to be friends.

At the moment, Jazzie is bonding with Marisol (Hobbit Teresa), although there must be a substantial age gap if Marisol is old enough to date college-student Brodie.

[crazyworldofemmamarie]

I happened to be doom scrolling on pinterest and found a collection marvel comics when that was all about Barbie: her adventures, fashion mainly

so basically people, typically young girls (throughout what I think is the 80s/90s) would submit their designs and drawings for outfits that would be styled on Barbie (or Her friends and Skipper) and in my research I thought some of it was really cool so in a five part series I will share some of my favourites.

(Some are really cool)

Part 1:

[iolaussharpe-24]

Barbie in the Mojave - Chapter One

I promised. It's time to deliver. Chapter one of the Barbie/Mojave fic.

This is just chapter one, so Jack isn't quite here yet, but I hope that it will set the tone I want the story to have.

Special thank you once again to @waywardrose for helping me finally watch Mojave! If it were possible to wear out a digital file the way you could wear out a VHS tape, it would be by now. There was a day I legit watched it three times in a row. I'm not even kidding. This story would not be possible without you.

I also want to tag @my-secret-shame and @lunar-ghoulie for showing this crazy idea interest, as well as @ominoose, @reallyrallyauthor, @steven-grants-world, @clemdango04, and @have-you-seen-my-sanity because you guys were on the "tag regardless" list I made for people I love and thought might enjoy this.

Strangers in a Strange Land

Somewhere along the way, she wasn’t sure where, a wrong turn had been made. Barbie and Ken, for whatever reason, were still in the car. Still in the seemingly endless stretch of desert. Where was the speedboat? The rocket ship? Tandem bike, camper van, snowmobile? She wasn’t supposed to overthink it but, this was ridiculous! The only difference between now and two hours ago were minor things. The sun was hotter. The breeze was warmer and picked up sand that seemed to go straight for the dolls’ eyes. The radio only played static. Even the landscape had changed around them. Fewer sand dunes. More rocky mountains and plateaus. No one around except for the two of them in her pink corvette. There was growth around them, rather than the empty sea of sand. Plants in the ground. Birds in the sky.

They’d somehow lost the road. It had gotten covered up by the sand. She’d thought they were still on it, but this excuse for a dirt road she was driving on didn’t seem to be taking her where she needed to go.

It was maddening. Especially for Barbie. Ken was too busy looking at cloud shapes, cacti, and wiry bushes to really notice that anything was severely wrong. Granted, Ken was the only one to not notice her flat feet when literally everyone else on the beach was freaking out and screaming because of them. Even Weird Barbie thought it was strange. She said she’d never seen anything like it before. And then the way she’d reacted when Barbie had told her the rest….

Going to see her felt like a nightmare. A horrible, horrible nightmare. Life was perfect. Everything was perfect. Her home, her friends, her body, her entire universe! Everything was just the way it was supposed to be. It always was. In all the years she’d existed, Barbie had never had so much as a knot in her hair, let alone a malfunction so bad that it warranted a visit to-

Ugh! She was starting to spiral. Her world had gotten so chaotic so fast that she was starting to go crazy, and that was only accelerating the problem. It was getting harder to keep her smile on her face. She could feel it trying to fall every time she stopped thinking about it. Smiling was always easier than breathing to her. To all the Barbies! …. And now her body doesn’t want to breathe either because she thought about it!

“Look Barbie! A rabbit!” Ken called excitedly, pointing out from the backseat of the car to a brown hare hopping a few yards away.

Wanting to distract herself from the chaos slowly overtaking her existence and threatening to completely envelope her body as well, Barbie looked out at the animal. She watched it move. It was… odd. To say the least. Alien, to be completely honest. In Barbieland, animals didn’t really move much. They counted as accessories. Not dolls. They didn’t have the joints to move the way that Barbies and Kens and Skippers and everyone else did.

But this hare was moving.

Its legs were pumping, carrying it along the sand at a fast pace. Barbie slowed down the car, her eyes glued to it. It was strangely majestic. And she came from a world where rainbows were more common than sunlight, mermaids appeared out of the water to say hi wherever they wanted, and glittery dresses could transform into brilliant fairy wings with a twirl. Her basis of comparison was odd, but that little creature was so-

Before Barbie could even work out her own thoughts, she hit a bump in the road. A very big bump. The kind that didn’t just cause the two passengers to jump out of their seats. The kind that made Ken fly out of the vehicle because he didn’t have his seatbelt on, and flipped the pink corvette onto its side, taking it’s still strapped in pink clad plastic passenger for a ride that she hadn’t been expecting when she asked to be sent to the real world. It wasn’t like when Ken startled her earlier in the day. The car had flipped yes, but it went through the air and landed back on its tires, no harm done. This wasn’t that. This was something else. Something that she’d never felt before.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as the world turned sideways around her. Her blonde braid lifted off her shoulder and the seatbelt across her lap seemed to tighten, digging into her thighs. She screamed in a way she never had before. She’d felt fear, yes, but not like this. She didn’t think that any of the Barbies or the Kens had ever felt fear like this. It was like her entire body screaming right alongside her. Every inch, every joint, and sculpted line in her body tensed up and clenched tighter than Boxer Barbie’s fists.

The car landed on its side and skidded across the sand, Barbie’s head snapped back from the force of it, the seat digging into her back and pressing into something that wasn’t supposed to bend the way it was being forced to. It didn’t feel good. At all. This was the furthest thing from good she’d ever felt. Saying that it felt bad didn’t even do the feeling justice. It was worse than when she fell off her roof. And that had been the worst until this.

Distantly, she could hear Ken’s voice. He sounded like he was in pain too. Like he was just as scared as she was. He was calling out her name.

For a moment, things went black. Completely black. It lasted less than a second. One singular insignificant second in which absolutely nothing existed. No thoughts. No feelings. No sight or sound. Just darkness and perfect silence. It was so peaceful. Like everything was finally right in the world and she didn’t have to worry about flat feet or cellulite or a rip in the fabric of reality. It felt like that last blissful moment of sleep before getting up in the morning. Like she’d open her eyes and stare through the open roof of her dreamhouse at the beautiful blue sky above. She’d hear the voice singing her through her newest best day ever. And everything that happened since the dance party would only be as real as a bad dream, and forgotten just as quickly.

But that’s not what greeted her when she finally did.

She opened her eyes to an endless desert landscape. The pink corvette was overturned, crumpled on one side, and partially buried a few feet away. At some point, the seat belt must have snapped, because she wasn’t in the car anymore. She was laying on her stomach, her hair a mess around her face, cheek in the dirt.

She tried to sit up, but her body didn’t want to do anything. Her limbs throbbed and she felt her joints pop in an unnatural way as she lifted herself onto her knees. …. She was in pain. The most pain she’d ever felt in all of her years. It was awful.

She’d never feel something like this in Barbieland. Never.

Does that mean I made it to the Real World?

“Barbie! Are you okay?” Ken called as he rushed to her side. Looking up, she saw him limping towards her, a worried expression on his face. She wasn’t really sure how she was, but she didn’t want to scare him. She didn’t want to scare herself either. Looking at the positives, she could move. Nothing felt broken or bent out of shape. She wasn’t dead and/or thinking about being… well, she kind of was, but only as ‘Thank goodness I’m not dead!’ kind of thing. Not an ‘Oh no, I just died!’ kind of thing.

She smiled her perfect smile, though it didn’t feel right in the moment, and slowly rose to her feet. “I’m okay, Ken. Really. I’m fine.”

“Your hands are shaking.”

She looked down at them and saw that he was right. Her hands were shaking. Badly. She’d never seen anything like that before. Anywhere. On anyone. She’d read one of Dr. Barbie’s books once… but there was nothing about this kind of thing in there either. The book was mostly pictures of x-rays and instructions on how to mold a cast out of Barbie Dough.

“I’m fine,” she lied again, feeling it stick in her throat this time. “I’m perfectly fine. Everything is fine.”

Ken nodded and looked around. “That was… wow. I’ve never seen a car do that before. Where are we? Where’s the speedboat?”

“Uh… I think we’re almost there. We have to be, right? Weird Barbie didn’t give me any kind of timeframe for anything. Or specific instructions. She just said that we’d go from a sports car to a speedboat, to a rocket ship, to a tandem bike, to a camper van, to a snowmobile, to roller blades and go to the state of Los Angeles in the country of California. She said not to think about it too much.”

“I thought there was supposed to be some kind of portal at some point?”

“Apparently not.”

“…. Oh.”

Barbie looked at the wrecked car and then out into the desert again. She was starting to feel really hot. And something told her that she wasn’t the only one. Ken had already opened his shirt like he would on the beach. “I know you brought your roller blades, but I need to ask, did you bring any changes of clothes? Something that maybe won’t be so… inappropriate?” she asked, picking at the sleeve of her own pink top.

Ken nodded. “I might have brought a thing or too.”

“Good. We should change and then get going. Can’t be that much farther to the speedboat, right?”

Ken nodded excitedly then ran over to the car where it laid on its side. He popped open the trunk and all their things spilled onto the ground. The shoes, clothes, skates, hair ties, jewelry, and sunglasses.

Barbie put her hands on her hips, but didn’t say anything. Now wasn’t the time to complain. They were stuck with each other for the foreseeable future, lost and alone, with absolutely no idea what they were going to do or how. Weird Barbie just said that she would ‘know’ when she found the little girl playing with her. But she didn’t know how to get to the point that would allow her to know! She wasn’t Explorer Barbie or Rock Climber Barbie, or Girl Scouts of America Barbie. She was just Barbie. Stereotypical Barbie. She didn’t have anything special about her other than the name ‘Barbie’.

Why was her breath coming in so fast? Why was there pressure building in her chest and head?

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. And another. And another. It was working. The pressure was going away. Slowly, but surely. She smiled again and opened her eyes. She looked through the clothes and found a resort outfit she had packed just in case she had to stay somewhere before going home. Specifically, the BarbieStyle Resort-Wear outfit. Tan high waisted wide leg pants, a salmon pink and white crop top with a v neck and puffy half sleeves, cat eye sunglasses, dangly gold earrings, black heels, and a tan clutch purse. She laid everything out in front of her and waited….

And waited….

And waited….

Weird. In the Dreamhouse, she just had to stand in front of her closet and her clothes would change. Actually, it was the same throughout Barbieland; in the boutiques and any general area with a mirror or a door. She just needed a place to stop and choose an outfit to wear and then she’d be wearing it. With all the places a Barbie could go and all the things she could do, quick changes were a necessity.

And yet… her clothes weren’t doing anything now.

Confused, she started to unbutton her top to put the clothes on manually. Then she paused. Ken was right next to her, having the same issue with his pale pink shorts, jacket, mesh shirt, white sandals, and sunglasses. Not wanting to make him feel the same way, she gathered up her things and walked around to the other side of the car, using it as a wall to separate the two of them. Then, she went back to taking off her clothes. The feeling was strange, and the action was one that she wasn’t used to doing, but it was conceptually simple enough. Pull over head and take arms out. Easy.

At least, it sounded easy. Her clothes were tight and didn’t want to come off. For a moment, she got stuck. She got the fabric over her head, but her arms were outstretched and trapped. Eventually, she got it worked out, but it did take her a few minutes to do it.

Once dressed, Barbie realized two things:

First, they didn’t have a way to carry their belongings now that the car was ruined. She didn’t think to bring any actual luggage. All her things fit in the trunk with room to spare and Ken wasn’t supposed to come with her.

Second, now that she wasn’t permanently on her toes, high heels didn’t feel as natural or comfortable as they used to. They hurt her feet and made it hard to walk for long periods of time. And, though she’d never noticed before, heels and the desert didn’t actually mix very well. The thin points sank in the loose dirt and the slick soles made the stones she stepped on roll beneath her, very nearly making her trip over and over again.

It couldn’t be that far, could it?

It couldn’t be that far….