#think to self i bet i could do one that is so much more swag than this . anyway

[junk-culture]

ohhhhh. OHHHHH! i remember now! i literally do not want to have a career or do anything at all except Draw Pictures ...! YIPPPEEEE!!!

[princepipper]

First of all, I want to say I'm so sorry you had to deal with those invasive anons. While I do like to keep my identity private, please don't feel like you have to keep anonymous questions open if you're not comfortable! And secondly, I was reading your post about Pip's and Gabe's relationship before dating, and you mentioned that Pip is very protective of him! I want to ask if Gabe is the same for her? What would he do if someone hurt Pip in front of him?? 😨

Ahh, it's all good, I can't let people online get to me too much. It's fun to keep anon on, I get to talk to people like you after all. :^) And like I said, I'll just block anyone else who bugs me haha.

And what a concept you've given me, oh my!

To answer you straight away, Gabriel is quite protective of Pip, but he often doesn't have to display it in manners of aggression like she would with him. What I mean by that is with Gabe being who he is, bullies and rude people are very common for him to encounter, and Pipper will literally step up and fight them off if she has to.

But for herself, if she deals with someone rude, she's often capable of handling them. Gabe is more in charge of keeping her from making people mad over misunderstandings. See, Pip tends to be rather... quirky, and her brain doesn't always process things the same as most others. So she can ramble, go off on tangents, and sometimes even bring up things that while technically applicable to the conversation, may confuse or even offend those listening. So Gabe, despite being anti-social, has to learn how to communicate what Pip means to prevent any conflict from arising.

With all that said, Gabriel absolutely would defend Pip in the case of assault! In fact in one of my fics (still in progress), he does speak up when his mother is unfriendly to Pipper, the text mentioning that he doesn't like to see her treated poorly.

And so if someone were to be bold enough to hurt her, let's say physically, Gabe would not take it well at all. Depending how harsh the attack is, he might justify some serious violence as retaliation, not above using self-defence as an excuse. I do think Gabe has enough control as he gets older to know better than to hurt someone too badly (or kill them), but we do see him lose himself to his emotions during the encounter with Swag at the end of his first visit on One's blog... also when he got an ask saying Bitter (his "boyfriend") was in trouble, his first response was asking whose arm he had to break. So it's probably a safe bet that something triggering, like seeing his best friend/partner being hurt, could make him snap.

I don't have any written scenes of such events, but there is an instance regarding another OC of mine named Isaac who has a dangerous obsession with Pip, where he actually grabs her by the hands with Gabe right there. Gabriel sees Pip is distressed and promptly shoves Isaac away haha. That was the only encounter he ever had with Isaac, and Pip ends up having to deal with him herself later on (which is rather disturbing due to what nearly happens).

Anyway. I wouldn't mind an off hand story about Pipper being a bit of a damsel in distress, but in my current timeline, there's not really a lot of room for something like that.

[about-faces]

The director Joel Schumacher has passed away, and everyone's reactions have boiled down to two topics: 1.) "He was the guy who made the bad Batman films," and 2.) "Hey, he did lots of great films besides the bad Batman films!"

Thing is... I get it. I remember being a teenage comic fan in the 90's. Not just any comics: especially Batman! But ESPECIALLY Bart especially Two-Face. I remember how "Joel Schumacher" was a name that could invoke white-hot rage in myself and everyone in the fandom. He was our modern equivalent of Dr. Fredrick Wertham, the boogyman who had (far as we were concerned) single-handedly destroyed the mainstream credibility of superheroes.

Look at that picture, and try to imagine that this was the face so loathed and mocked by Batman fanboys in the 90′s.

Never mind that Schumacher didn't WRITE the Batman films. The main credit for that goes to Akiva Goldsman, who has gone on to win an Oscar and continues to find A-list success despite ruining other geek properties like Jonah Hex and Dark Tower. Never mind that Schumacher was at the mercy of producers who wanted the movies to be nothing more than merchandise machines and toy commercials. No, Schumacher was the only name associated with the films, and he was cast at the villain.

The fact that he was openly gay played no small part in making him an easy target.

One year after the disastrous release of the infamous Batman & Robin, the beloved fan-favorite cartoon Batman: The Animated Series (then rebranded as The New Batman Adventures on the WB network) produced an episode that featured a pointed jab at Schumacher. The episode was titled "Legends of the Dark Knight," a reworking of a classic 70's Batman tale where a group of kids share their own ideas of what the mysterious Batman is really like.

Halfway through the episode, the kids are overheard by another kid, who shares his own ideas about Batman. The kid, whose name is Joel, has long dirty-blond hair, and works in front of a store which bear the sign "Shoemaker," despite clearly being a department store. He waxes dreamily about the reasons he loves Batman: "All those muscles, the tight rubber armor and that flashy car. I heard it can drive up walls!"

This last line--a reference to a silly bit in Batman Forever--he says as he flamboyantly tosses a pink fur stole around his neck. To drive home the joke, one of the kids dismisses, "Yeah, sure, Joel."

At the time, it seemed like a cathartic joke for us REAL Batman fans. Now, it's clearly just cheap and gross. Instead of any actual criticism about the films, Joel Schumacher was just seen--even if just subconsciously--as the fruit who ruined Batman.

Over time, the hatred for Schumacher lessened. Starting with Blade, X-Men, and Spider-Man, on through to Batman Begins, Iron Man, and onward, superhero movies became huge mainstream successes, with greater fidelity to the source material than most adaptations we saw up to the time that Schumacher "killed" the superhero movie. There was no point in hating him anymore, if there ever was (again, Goldsman more deserves that ire, if you're gonna be angry about anyone. Why does he still get work?! WHY IS HE NOW WRITING FOR STAR TREK?!?!).

But even still, especially among Millennial and Gen-X fans, Schumacher is still--at best--considered a low point for fandom. Even though the same generations have come to appreciate and love some of his other films, such as The Lost Boys, Phone Booth, and the chillingly-prescient Falling Down, there's still this need for people to dismiss the Batman films as embarrassments that are best forgotten in favor of Schumacher's better films. And if they're to be remembered at all, it's to trash them all over again in a tone suggesting that the films are objectively, irredeemably bad.

Except they're not. Oh sure, if you go in looking for a grim and gritty capital-M "Mature" take on Batman, of course you'll hate them, just like you probably also hate the Adam West Batman show. Remember, that show also used to be hated by decades of Batman fans because of how it didn't take the comics seriously.

... except it did. The show was VERY faithful to the Batman comics of the 50's, which often out-weirded and out-sillied its TV counterpart. If anything, the show made some of those stories even more entertaining with camp value and jokes that added different levels of enjoyment to the adults watching. Comic fans resented how Batman became a pop culture joke, and increasingly fought against anything that was colorful and campy (which makes me wonder if this might also be related to latent homophobia). Whether or not they admitted/realized it, the Batman fans of the 70's and 80's carried a chip on their shoulder about a show that DARED to make Batman FUN.

And really... how is that any different than Schumacher's two films?

You don't have to agree, but I think Schumacher's films are fun. I think Batman Forever is highly entertaining, that Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey are bringing their hammy A-games as much respected actors like Burgess Meredith and Caesar Romero brought to their roles. Same goes for Arnold and especially Uma in Batman and Robin. They KNOW what movies they're in, and they're all having a blast.

(How many of us remember the exact line Eddie says at this moment? I bet you probably do too, which should tell you something about how memorable this movie is)

Now, BF and particularly B&A are by no means GOOD movies, but you can't tell me that you couldn't have a blast putting the latter on at a party and riffing it with friends. It's not a pretentious, ponderous, self-serious slog like, say, the shit Zack Snyder cranked out (apologies to the one or two cool Snyder fans here, I just find his films interminable). Even besides the many things I could say to defend Schumacher's Batman films (that's a whole other essay), you can't say they were boring. They were entertaining, even if on a level of making fun of the film, and that is NOT as easy as it looks.

Let me put it to you this way: Batman Forever has, objectively, one of the worst takes on Two-Face I've ever seen. He's one-note, he's kind of a rehash of Nicholson's Joker, he gets completely overshadowed by the Riddler, he gets killed by Batman in a way that completely betrays the whole “DON’T KILL HARVEY” arc with Robin, and worst of all, he CHEATS on the coin toss. That alone would be enough for me to condemn this depiction in any other Two-Face story.

And yet, even I--the most passionate, opinionated, and picky Two-Face fan you will EVER know--still have a soft spot for Tommy Lee Jones' take on ol' Harv. He’s just too fun, too flamboyant, too damn extra not to love. If only all bad takes on Two-Face could be this fun!

But that’s the thing: it’s not because the script was good. Oh god no. I've read the script, and if it were put on the page like a comic, I would have hated it just like any other bad Two-Face comic. I have to imagine that, as director, Joel Schumacher deserves the bulk of the credit for pushing the restrained and laconic Tommy Lee Jones into that oversized performance, and making it a delight to watch despite everything it does wrong.

I'm rare for my generation to have learned how to stop worrying and love Schumacher's Batman. But the younger generation, the up-and-coming Gen-Zs getting into Batman, don't share the same grudges we did. There's a genuine, shame-free enjoyment of those films among The Kids, many of whom are LGBTQA+, who love the jokes, the silliness, the camp, the Freeze puns, the swag of Uma Thurman, and the homoerotic subtext between Two-Face and the Riddler. Maybe it's just a reaction to so much GRIM, SERIOUS shit that DC and their fanboys are trying desperately to push even today.

But comics--especially Batman--have a long history of colorful, stupid, fun shit. Schumacher's films carried on in that tradition, and they should be appreciated on their own merits by those of us who aren't limited by narrow ideas of what Batman "should" be, and who still remember how to have fun.

Schumacher's Batman films should no longer be seen as embarrassments. They didn't ruin superheroes. They didn't ruin Batman. They didn't even ruin Two-Face. Nor should they be disregarded in favor of Falling Down, like losers in a respectability competition. They're fun. They're entertaining. And they didn't pretend to be anything else.

And if you still think they're bad... I mean, objectively, you're not wrong! But be mindful of the reasons WHY you think they're bad, because on another subjective level, you may not be right either. And it's certainly not worth holding a geek-grudge over after twenty-five years.

[ashyblondwaves]

Thoughts

First of all please write that enemies with benefits thing that “stupid fucking bitch” and “red bastard” shit killed me. Like little vignettes of them hurling insults while they try not to break their kiss AND while they’re trying to get naked as fast as possible?? Immaculate.

Second of all do you think they wear some kinky ass outfits in the bedroom sometimes? Like full leather and whip type shit? I could see dom Wanda whipping Vision. Or Vision dressing as a professor by putting on a blazer and glasses? Whooo boy.

Can Vision take a whole one of Wanda’s titties in his mouth at a time? Does he try his best to do it with each of her ass cheeks?

Does Wanda like getting her hair pulled? Does Vision put on his human disguise so Wanda can pull his hair?

Which one likes calling/being called a dirty slut more?

Have they ever fucked in public in an alley or something after a battle bc adrenaline?

Vision in leather chaps?? Thoughts?? A cowboy hat would also be acceptable?

What are Wanda and Vision’s craziest fantasies individually? Have they had some of the best sex of their lives because they tried something new?

Are Wanda and Vision the hottest parents on the PTA?? Are they each oblivious to how hot they themselves are but stare daggers when the hoes are staring at their spouse who is objectively hot AF??

Fun possible angst trope/ idea/hc?

Fun fluff idea/hc?

New and fun smut idea/hc??

Any no powers AU ideas?

In what scenario(s) could you imagine either Wanda or Vision being super overprotective of their partner/family?

Do you have any hc’s for either of them coming home from a mission and the other one breaks down because they thought they might never see them again?

Are they as obsessed with each other as everyone thinks? Are they touching at all times? Do they know?

Do they have any matching outfits? My headcanon is that the whole family wears matching sweats or tshirts or something every year for a picture. And when Wanda is pregnant with the boys or with Flo, her shirt/ sweatshirt says big bird and everybody else’s is a different Sesame Street character.

Also when Wanda was pregnant with the twins she had some sort of one fish two fish red fish blue fish or some other kind of twin themed outfit on. Vision repped Dr. Suess in some other way.

Does Wanda jump Vision whenever she gets the chance? Like is he washing dishes she sneaks up behind him and whisper some nasty shit to let him know it’s on? Does Vision do this to Wanda?

Have the team ever been looking for Wanda and Vision just to find them curled up in the blankies with everything covered but still naked and Vision is just snoozing on a titty?

Would Wanda ever get her nipples pierced? I’m projecting lol this is a goal of mine to get them pierced soon.

Would Vision get his human nipples pierced? Would he stan Wanda getting hers?

Where is the weirdest place they’ve found hickies on their bodies?

What is the weirdest place the team has seen hickies on their bodies?

Has anybody ever seen bruises on Wanda’s wrists or neck from Vision’s big ass hands and asked if she was ok and she’s like oh yeah they’re not those kind of bruises so she blushes and leaves?

Has Wanda accidentally read someone else’s mind while she and Vision were fucking because she lost control of her powers? Was it some weird shit?

Have a fun night!!

Second of all do you think they wear some kinky ass outfits in the bedroom sometimes? Like full leather and whip type shit? I could see dom Wanda whipping Vision. Or Vision dressing as a professor by putting on a blazer and glasses? Whooo boy. You just put your finger on the pulse of one of my kinks. The professor kink. Professor Vision. YES PLEASE.

Can Vision take a whole one of Wanda’s titties in his mouth at a time? Does he try his best to do it with each of her ass cheeks? That’d have to be one awfully big mouth to do that, so probably not!

Does Wanda like getting her hair pulled? Does Vision put on his human disguise so Wanda can pull his hair? Yes and YES. Sometimes Wanda just needs a handful of that blond hair while he’s going down on her or really getting in there with some good ol’ missionary.

Which one likes calling/being called a dirty slut more? I’m not sure either one do but I had to choose, probably Vision.

Have they ever fucked in public in an alley or something after a battle bc adrenaline? Kissed? Absolutely. Groped? You bet! Full on fucked? Not yet but probably one day at the rate they’re going.

Vision in leather chaps?? Thoughts?? A cowboy hat would also be acceptable? Let’s go with assless chaps, no hat and maybe a lasso?

What are Wanda and Vision’s craziest fantasies individually? Have they had some of the best sex of their lives because they tried something new? Vision wants to be tied up and edged while Wanda recently discovered she wants people to almost catch them. She’s always trying to get Vision to do something where people might see or catch wind of things. After years of being secretive, she’s done with that.

Are Wanda and Vision the hottest parents on the PTA?? Are they each oblivious to how hot they themselves are but stare daggers when the hoes are staring at their spouse who is objectively hot AF?? Absolutely yes! They both hot and they’re Avengers. Can’t really get much hotter than that. The commoners want in on that Avengers swag, but it’s not gonna happen.

Fun possible angst trope/ idea/hc? There was a scare during the twins’ pregnancy. Wanda went an entire day without feeling either of them move and spent that time thinking the absolute worst. Then she had some spicy food and it woke those boys up.

Fun fluff idea/hc? Vision doesn’t understand football. I mean, he understands the rules and the strategy and can appreciate that but he just doesn’t get the point of throwing a ball around. He does it though for the boys sake and they love him for it.

New and fun smut idea/hc?? Now that I brought up Wanda wanting to do it and almost get caught I have this idea that they rent a hotel with a big window. Think of the window in IW and they just fuck against this window for anyone walking by to see if they look up at the right time.

Any no powers AU ideas? Besides The Playlist? Nothing at the moment but that can change with the tiniest of pushes LOL.

In what scenario(s) could you imagine either Wanda or Vision being super overprotective of their partner/family? It’s all about those big bad guys they fight. They want to protect the boys from that world at first, until the boys show their powers and they realize there’s no shielding them from it. As it was said in WV, they were born for it.

Do you have any hc’s for either of them coming home from a mission and the other one breaks down because they thought they might never see them again? This happens a lot. Almost every time one of them goes on a solo/mission without the other. Anxiety and bad thoughts take over, even for Vision and his logical self. So the minute either of them walk in the door, they’re right there to greet them in relief and tears and unrealistic promises to always come home to the other (cause who can promise that for real? :’()

Are they as obsessed with each other as everyone thinks? Are they touching at all times? Do they know? I mean it sure as hell seems like it. Something that I headcanon is that Hex Vision is the real Vision in the sense that, this is who Wanda knows. She created him, afterall. That side of him we see in Westview is still him, just that side Wanda gets and he may have kept hidden from others. But that’s just my headcanon.

Do they have any matching outfits? My headcanon is that the whole family wears matching sweats or tshirts or something every year for a picture. And when Wanda is pregnant with the boys or with Flo, her shirt/ sweatshirt says big bird and everybody else’s is a different Sesame Street character. That’s so cute! They definitely coordinate outfits for pictures and maybe all wear cheesy things for holidays (Vision’s idea, let’s be real) like matching pajamas.

Also when Wanda was pregnant with the twins she had some sort of one fish two fish red fish blue fish or some other kind of twin themed outfit on. Vision repped Dr. Suess in some other way. Thing 1 and Thing 2, yo! Not that the boys are “things” but you know. To stay with the twin thing.

Does Wanda jump Vision whenever she gets the chance? Like is he washing dishes she sneaks up behind him and whisper some nasty shit to let him know it’s on? Does Vision do this to Wanda? Wanda is ready whenever Vision does anything domestic. Washing dishes is a big one for her. Those sleeves are rolled up, he’s looking fine as hell and Wanda definitely takes advantage. Vision returns the favor too, usually during more quiet moments where he can tell her how beautiful she is but then get really dirty about it.

Have the team ever been looking for Wanda and Vision just to find them curled up in the blankies with everything covered but still naked and Vision is just snoozing on a titty? Snoozing on a titty lmao. That’s great. I bet the team has totally found them in weird states of undress before. That’s just the risk you take when two Avengers get together.

Would Wanda ever get her nipples pierced? I’m projecting lol this is a goal of mine to get them pierced soon. I could see this. Maybe in the AoU days or something, just a spontaneous decision to do something a little wild. Good luck on your piercings. Sending you good vibes to heal perfectly.

Would Vision get his human nipples pierced? Would he stan Wanda getting hers? I don’t see Vision being a nip piercing kind of dude but he would absolutely support Wanda if she decided to do it.

Where is the weirdest place they’ve found hickies on their bodies? Wanda has found them all over. Weirdest place, right under her armpit.

What is the weirdest place the team has seen hickies on their bodies? Nat saw some mark on Wanda’s inner thigh that she knew were hickies or bite marks. Wanda said they were bruises from training but then eventually spilled the beans.

Has anybody ever seen bruises on Wanda’s wrists or neck from Vision’s big ass hands and asked if she was ok and she’s like oh yeah they’re not those kind of bruises so she blushes and leaves? Nah. Vision is typically gentle with Wanda with his hands, knowing how easily she would probably bruise if he used more strength. He wouldn’t leave her to walk around with actual bruises on her wrists or anything. Maybe on her ass from holding her while she rides him, but that’s about it.

Has Wanda accidentally read someone else’s mind while she and Vision were fucking because she lost control of her powers? Was it some weird shit? Not yet but it could always happen ;)

Have a fun night!! You too! Thanks for stopping by with fun questions for me!

[ellaintrigue]

Look at me trying to catch feelings like a dumbass...

Amazingly, as much as I've been through with men, I'm still hoping to find a connection one day. For the most part I don't try too hard and enjoy talking to multiple men on sites like Badoo. It's fun and helps pass the time. So 4 days ago I matched with a guy from DC on there and he seemed hippy and artsy like me so we had a lot in common.

He was clean (no jail swag) and attractive so I felt he was a good bet even though I still love my bad boys. It isn't always about finding something wild and fun, it's about who is stable and wholesome. He said he definitely wanted to meet and I felt enthused but suggested we talk longer. He showed me his dog, we talked about the current global situation, hobbies, interests, and he told me what he did for work (bakery) and I told him I was doing customer service and striving for more. Then it felt like he slapped me across the face.

The first time a man slapped me across the face I was shocked, humiliated, and instantly felt unsafe when I had felt safe a moment ago. It's not a good feeling. Fortunately no one hit me this time but my new crush had work suggestions for me after I said I was trying to rebuild my career life: "you should be a cam girl, you have the looks for it, or find other ways to sell yourself!!"

In that moment, I felt hurt. I felt degraded. And every time a man does something to make me lose my trust it feels like it piles onto the ghosting, stealing, leading on, emotional betrayal, stalking, and assault that so many others have put me through. Which is a fucked up feeling that I could probably only get past with like 50 years of counseling.

"But you support the adult industry already," said one of my friends when I told him. Yes, of course I do. There are plenty of college girls doing camming and stripping to make money. There are interactions where women get paid for sex and no one gets hurt. But it isn't for me. And the problem is that this guy isn't the first dude to say this stupid shit to me!

I don't want men to give me money, I don't beg for help, and I don't come off desperate for work or like I'm fucked up when talking to new men. People like to slut shame me for doing pinup modeling but that ain't even on dating sites. Face and body, fully clothed. There is no reason to assume I'm an exhibitionist. I even thought about my heavy makeup but even Church ladies do that shit. There's a mutual friend between my mom and one her friends on FaceBook with heavy dark eyeliner, long mascara, huge swipes of eye shadow and thick plump hot pink lips and bleach blonde hair. And she is the biggest Bible thumping bitch out there, she told me I would burn in hell for being pro-choice once (I seriously need to get paid every time a conservative wishes me harm over my opinions so I can fucking retire). No one is going to tell that woman to hook or cam, a lot of women wear makeup.

Despite all of this, when I am talking to people on social media or new men, there is a literal fucking % of folks that tell me to strip off or sell myself when I mention I'm in between careers. I don't get defensive although I know I'm done with the person in a few minutes, but I say it's not for me. Then they usually ask me why I'm not comfortable with myself or my body (I swear these guys are their own cliche). At that point I ask them if they would tell their mom, sisters, or if they have young children, their daughters, to strip or hook and they usually get mad and block me.

I asked this attractive curly-haired guy I talk to daily if he felt it was wrong for people to suggest sex work to me at random and he said, "I think it is. If you don't choose sex work on your own, you sure as shit don’t need someone to tell you to do it." That validated my feelings a little, as I asked him after the DC guy made me feel like dirt. I wasn't sitting there like "wah, why are people mean to me," but seriously, why can't people just be respectful? If a man asked me for job ideas I wouldn't tell him to clean porta potties for a living (although that is good money).

None of my cherished thuggies would tell me to go hook! That's because those guys grew up around drugs, hard lifestyles and seeing women hook out of desperation and get hurt on the street. And that's the problem with the other guys I talk to that suggest this nonsense: they lack life experience and think every girl is going to do the shit they see on Pornhub. College kids, white-collar, geeks, and the other non-streetwise yuppies are sitting there with sex floating around in their heads and saying the first thing they think to women they try to date, then wonder why women don't respect them.

Now, forget the fact I'm not interested in masturbating on camera for random strangers, let's look at the big picture. Camming may not seem very sordid but I have to look at cam girls sometimes, and also deal with prostitutes to an extent in my online dealings.

Sure, you got the hot 20 year old college chick on cam sites but then you got a 50 year old woman the next screen over. She is pretty yet haggard and sits there fingering herself for... hours. Camming is generally low paying and the men are incredibly rude. So this woman sits there literally looking bored and she's clearly dry, but she does it so she can get a check. There are wild chicks that like to be seen, but let's face it: a lot of women are doing it out of desperation. For every 500 gawking guys roaring "THIS IS SO HOT" are 500 women trying to make ends meet and putting on fake smiles for hornballs for a few bucks.

Then let us not ignore that a lot of people in the sex trade have low inhibitions from being sexually abused as children. It's just a theme I've been well aware of over the years. Sometimes it borders on self-destructive behavior mixed with drugs and extreme promiscuity. The jittery "whore" standing on the outside of town? Maybe her stepfather raped the fuck out of her over and over, no one did anything, and now she just feels really fucked in the head and needs an escape. Judge not.

A lot of cam girls and other digital sex industry workers are strippers and hookers, I guess that goes without saying. But it is just one more thing they're doing for their pimp. Pimps aren't always bad, you usually need one to make sure you don't get raped or beaten. Of course there are plenty that basically enslave you and will rape and beat you too.

I have had to deal with a handful of pimps in my online dealings as well. They aren't scary looking black men in fluffy purple suits, the majority are female and they are often strict people with a vibe of unpleasantness that skirt lesser regulated online adult industries. One was dealing out some shit with a vague reference to children and I ran like hell. Throughout the rural USA South there is a lot of prostitution and child exploitation.

The main theme of what I see in my digital exploring is a fuckton of porn. Many a pretty blonde, of course, but then we go right back to women down on their luck. There are tons of scars and I can't tell if they are from childbirth procedures and complications or worse things. One woman had a missing breast but I knew that was from cancer. Many women are 50+ with the flash of a shitty camera giving them eerie red eyes and so many look sad.

Everyone is horny and wants to have fun in this life, it's human nature and something I as well crave. But it will be with a man that respects me, not one that tells me I should sell my vagina. And while there are women that love doing porn, getting paid for sex and showing off, there are plenty that don't. There are so many women that are desperate for money, that have been abused and don't even know what it's like to be loved, and are trapped into a vicious loop of a lifestyle that they will never escape from.

Or I can dumb it down this way: if you wouldn't masturbate online to an insulting crowd of foreign guys or allow yourself to be penetrated by multiple strangers for money then definitely don't suggest it for someone else to do.

[monstaxnight]

Hi! I just found your blog and I've been reading through it these days. I'll say I can be kind of prudish but your posts are really interesting! I wanted to ask what do you like about/find attractive in each member?

Oh, anon. I could probably ramble on about this until the inevitable heat death of the universe begins to kill me off, so I’ll try to keep it somewhat succinct. hah, as if.

I had another anon ask me about my MX bias, which is a very messy, fluid and open state of affairs, so I’ll combine both of your questions into a what I love/bias about each member post.

It was Wonho who first attracted me to the group. There was something so… enticing and alluring about his Beautiful teaser pics, specifically the one where he’s lying in the milky bath and it’s shot from the wrong way up. Man… There was such intensity in his eyes, yet everything was still so delicate and gentle, and I was just like oh YES. So when I then aggressively looked deeper into the group, it was with finding out more about him as my main objective. But the others complicated that somewhat.

Shownu is so manly and perfectly made. There’s a real protective vibe about him. He gives off the impression he’d keep you safe, that he’d never let you down. He’s an effortless dancing!king with such a natural and compelling sexiness to the way he moves. He always stikes me as such a dilligent and reliable leader and is clearly such a good influence on the rest of the group. The more I learned about him, the more I realised he has a surprisingly quick and dry humour, too. And I’ll always stan dry humour.

I remember watching that video where members took turns wearing headphones and the others shared thoughts about them, and when it was Minhyuk’s turn, one of the members said something like: ‘he’s so hyper and talktative all the time. I’ve never met anyone who talks like him. I remember thinking that when he’s sad or contemplative he’ll surely shut up. But I think that only makes him worse.’ and I was wrecked by Minhyuk so hard in that moment. He’s so funny and real, there’s always this suppressed deviacny in his eyes that makes me hot and bothered wish I knew him irl. I bet he’d be fun annoying af. He’s also woefully underrated as a vocal and dancer, and being someone who hates injustice, that makes me stan. I also very much appreciate his ruthless commentary on life and the people he supposedly likes.

Kihyun reminds me of someone very dear to me irl. He has this pride, self-confidence and man-i-srsly-cbf-wif-ur-shit-ness that I love in people. He really knows his worth, knows his voice is the absolute shit, and isn’t afraid of people knowing that he thinks highly of himself. I find that attitude so refreshing. He seems to take such good emotional and physical care of his members and gives me the impression he’s a really good natured, understanding and mature person. The way he nags and bosses them about cleaning and whatever else gives me life. He’s also a photographer, and that will wreck me in and of itself.

Ah, Hyungwon… Hyungwon is an incredibly interesting person, and I’ve always been really drawn to his personality. On the surface, at least, he’s rather understated in his character, but it somehow still manages to stand out so strongly amongst a group of people who could be considered to have an outwardly stronger personality than his. Sort of like Wonho, I see Hyungwon as full of dualities; he’s soft, yet often quite distant. Quiet, yet forecful my god when I thought his fight with #GUN was real, I was somewhere between turned on and terrified, totally goofy and iconically expressive, yet quite phlegmatic. His constant state of exhaustion is a big fat mood and makes me stan, his beauty and ease of dancing makes me stan, his sense of humour and inadvertant sense of comic timing makes me stan.

Jooheon is a total babe. He has everything you’d not only want in your favourite musician (talent, ambition, swag, visuals, good nature, stage presence) but he has everything you’d want in a boyfriend, too. With Jooheon it’s not a question of what do I like about him most, it’s a question of what do I NOT like most about him. He’s kind, charismatic, likeable, funny, sexy, adaptable… also, his dimples kill me.

If I have a definitive, set, unchangable bias wrecker, it’s Changkyun. My god does he give me sexy, dark, mysterious!boy vibes. He’s maybe probably nothing like that irl, but there’s something about that quiet voice and aura and the way he moves/dresses/expresses himself that just makes me melt. I find his fight and self-assuredness so, so admirable. The way he overcame all the hostility and adversity of NO.MERCY to get to where he is today is amazing and really speaks to his mature, older-than-his-years attitude. I also love the way his abstract mind works and I stan the heck out of his clever!boy persona. If any of them were closest to my own ideal type, it’d be him.

But then there’s Wonho, who reminds me so, so much of myself. As I’ve spoken about before, I feel he highlights a real problem in the attitudes of kpop fans and wider society in general; this idea that someone sexy can’t be sweet and someone sweet can’t be sexy. Those who know Wonho only for his body and looks think he’s some kind of hardcore sex god, while many of his soft stans view him as unrealistically pure and innocent. Wonho is both sweet and sexual, pure of heart but perhaps not so pure of mind or body. And that’s okay, and it’s valid and it’s beautiful and it’s one of the things I love most about him. He’s also one of the most genuine, sincere people I can think of. He’s open and honest and inclusive of everything and everyone and I stan the hell out of that. Plus, his smile. Ugh.

[colitisandme]

Apocalypse  

We have all seen many end of the world movies. The heroine and hero of the story, striving desperately to rid the world of darkness in order to survive and uphold the good and light whilst the world implodes around them…. I don’t know about you but its all feeling a little bit apocalyptic-y (Jessism – patent pending) at the moment, isn’t it? That’s not to be dramatic…. But in the last year and a half-life as definitely changed as we know it.

 In the past year… I must admit due to my own vulnerabilities, I have avoided most people with a face and eyes because I have been hiding in my own bubble with my fellow ‘bubble buddies’ (my husband and my fat hoppers) generally peering at postman through my letter box and picking up parcels with extendable tongs at a 12 ft distance and avoiding eye contact with the general public. When you were younger do you remember stories about monsters living under the bed? … Well, I thought if I put my feet on the floor, my Monster was going to lick my toes, bite me, reach out with its long furry arms, grab my feet and drag me under the bed, to live forever with the poor odd socks and crusted tissues under there. I also thought that if I didn’t turn off all the electrics in the house, then a monster would come out of the electrics and lift me up to the ceiling…. It became a re-occurring dream/ nightmare I used to have, and because of it, I genuinely developed a fear of the toaster if I left it on in case it developed arms, and picked me up, shouting at me because I would dare to leave the electric on. I honestly think my parents saved a fortune in their electric bills because I was so mindful. Thank me later guys. Not really a surprise I developed anxiety thinking about it… maybe that was the start of it. But although these are ridiculous notions – monsters with a foot fetish and electrical appliances with limbs…. These were my fears. They were very real and effected my life.

Now we are all dealing with a monster. But a much bigger monster, and that feeling I had when I was young is creeping back. And I bet a lot of others are feeling the same as me. Because its one thing, going out, to work, and into general society, armed to the teeth with sanitiser, masks, and enough antibacterial spray to take out a small portion in our ozone layer, with no health conditions, vulnerabilities, or health foibles. Its scary enough having to deal with it when you are healthy and springy. I guess people weigh up their own risks when it comes to making their own boundaries aligned with the guidelines set out. However, for someone like myself and many of my health warriors…. The world becomes a much scarier place.  Everything is risky. Even going for a walk has risks. I am not proud of this, but this monster has made me develop a heightened sense of suspicion and ninja like reflexes…. A few months ago, myself and my healthy. nubile and springy husband went for a walk –Now Kyle has the immune system of a rampant bull … nothing seems to affect him which is useful when he has a wife who has the immune system as reliable as a chocolate teapot. He does Crossfit, he has actual muscles not spaces where muscles should exist like me where sadly an IOU exists is in its place. He eats sprouty things voluntarily daily. He likes smelling like a bin when he exercises…. Meaning that the next time I have to go in the car I have to wear a proverbial gas mask and hang my head out of the window like a dog to try and escape the smell. There are a few subtle differences between us.  And on our walk, one of the first we have had as I have been living like a hermit, there were several groups of people on our path, talking, laughing and conversing… not social distancing and not wearing masks and as we approached and it became apparent they weren’t going to move, I became like a limbo ninja… twisting, curling, and squeezing myself past this group, all the time going purple from not breathing and trying not to fall over as I was waving my hands above my head looking like a ridiculous arm flailing inflatable tube man.

 I know for some that is an absurd reaction, but for me it was totally reasonable and justified. The world at the moment, for those who really have to protect their immune system, health and general sanity, is a very scary place. And at any second a monster could find me and lick my toes just like I thought he was going to do when I was younger. I didn’t go to the supermarket for months… nearly a year. Whenever Kyle went out, he must have looked like a bank robber as I had him wearing a scarf up to the eyeballs, gloves, hat… everything. The first time he went out, he said people avoided him like the plague, which didn’t surprise me one bit, when they probably thought he was gonna whack an old lady on the head with a club, and leap over the counter and start demanding a poor, sweaty, shaky cashier to fill his swag bag with money…. It’s not the ideal look but Mission accomplished, and it was purely out of fear. Not only was I seeing people I loved and knew who were healthy getting mowed down like soft grass by this monster, I was desperately frightened that if the Monster suddenly found his way into our bubble, kyle was in danger and I could be in a serious amount of trouble. My genuine fear was that my lung nodules, colitis, fibro and goodness knows what else residing in my body, would all get together, and wave the white flag as the monster slithered its way into my body, made camp and chomped its way through my lungs. And I am gonna be honest, even though I have now had 2 jabs and slowly but surely, we are easing our way out of lockdown, the Monster is still there waiting. Kyle has only had one jab, ridiculous when he lives with someone vulnerable, and I have got to admit that sometimes the notion of going out still makes me want to spray members of the public with disinfectant and shout ‘stranger danger’ at them until they back away from me.

 Where chronic illness has proved isolating, Chronic illness plus Monster has just become the icing on the cake. And I know I am not the only one who feels like this. I talk to so many wonderful, feisty, determined, bloody amazing chronic illness warriors whose mental health has so much been impacted by this Monster. By keeping ourselves safe, we become more alone and, on those days, where you are in so much pain, discomfort and fatigue you want to chew your own arm off, it is so, so vital to have those distractions. Distractions like people, conversation, interactions, getting out of the house, doing things that are fun and nourishing for your soul and general ness. They become part of our survival guide, and when it is taken away it is very easy for our own Chronic illness Monster takes over and lose all sense of self and as such that after a year has now passed it is very difficult to now hop out of the house with care free abundement (Jessism 2) full of joys of spring time, with rainbows in my heart and a pocket full of dreams. This Monster has left scars on us all. Whether it be financial, medical, emotional, mental… lives have been lost and lives have been changed forever, and for those of us already dealing with scars from our own Chronic illness Monster, are now dealing with the pressures of feeling safe again.

Leaving the house, going to work, travelling on a bus, going to the supermarket fills me with the heebie jeebies. We don’t know what is safe and what is not. Who is safe and who is not. Who has had jabs, who has self-distanced, who has followed the guidelines and who has not. There is no test we can use to find out that information, no detective skills we can implement. Its pure chance, scary, scary, chance and the results of that decision, bear serious consequences for us and for our families. So whilst I would never tell anyone what to do, please think about how your decisions also impact on the rest of us. There is no flashing beacon to notify you we are vulnerable, no one follows us around with a foghorn or a flashing alarm, we don’t have a inflatable zorbing ball we can get into to keep us safe. We just don’t so please, please be mindful. The amount of people who have said ‘the vulnerable can stay away from the rest of us’ fills me with anger. Unless you want us our Mental health to dwindle away to nothing then no, no we cant and it is unfair for us to do so. Would you do that? Would you be able to do that if you were vulnerable? Then don’t ask us to do that. You have your choices as do we.

 So, when you go out and you see one of us, still wearing a mask, social distancing and generally trying to avoid eye contact with you, its not coz we are weird, antisocial or have infectious fungus… it’s because we are genuinely terrified that the wrong move may cost us. Those decisions weigh heavy on our hearts and in our minds and they hurt. It may mean that for a while we miss some occasions, we don’t say yes to all of your invites, we second guess ourselves when we make medical appointments, we may seem more distant. Please go easy on us. Please be mindful and do not judge, be kind and respect our decisions. We still love you its just that like my past five-year-old self we are still trying to avoid the Monster living underneath our beds waiting to bite us and drag us into the dust and darkness.  

[celebritytgcaptions]

Requests (10/7/17)

Hi lovelies! Here are all the requests I’ve gotten since my last posting. Thanks for sending them in! :D <3

@nikkilvcd said:

Thank you for all your wonderful caps. You have a great talent for this. My request is Wendy in Neverland gets lonely for some girls to talk to, so she gets some pixie dust and turns the lost boys into sissy's that they can talk clothes and gossip, play dress up and talk about boys. Not a good time to be captured by pirates, or is it?

I REALLY like this idea but it might be hard to find a picture for it. If you know of any pics which you think will work feel free to message them to me privately, because I definitely want to do this I just need the right pic.

Anonymous said:

Could you please do a cap where a guy named Matthew gets feminized by Lili Reinhart and Camilla Mendes? You could even use Lili as the feminised guy.

YES! LUV THESE 2! :D :D :D

Anonymous said:

Could you do a caption of three pics maybe into a series. They're pics of Lea Michele from a photoshoot where she's in the locker room has thigh highs on and a sucker. Was thinking each suck of the sucker gets her addicted to being a sissy

Oh, sorry hon. I’ve used those three pics in captions already. One was a single caption and the other was the result of my “Mean Girls” game. :(

Anonymous said:

I'd love a caption of Judy Garland in her Wizard of Oz costume. I was thinking a boi got transported to a magical land by an evil queen who wants a sissy and has given the boy cursed shoes. Every time he hears the clack of his heels, his mind goes a little more so he either stands still and is a doll or keeps walking and becomes a sissy

I don’t have many retro celebs on here so sure, I can do that! :)

Anonymous said:

Love your captions so much. Think you could do a reverse stepford type thing? Instead of all the women being smiling and the husbands conspiring. It's the men who are now smiling sissies and the wives are conspiring? Maybe use Dove Cameron

I luv it! And I’ve got the perfect pic! :D

Anonymous said:

I have a before and after request with Cher Lloyd She has very cute outfits If you google Cher Lloyd X-Factor 2011 you get this beautiful multi-color dress with cute ruffled socks. If you google Cher Lloyd Swag Queen one of the first few images should be her in a room that's too small. Hoping it could be a boi who was lazy was turned into a performing doll by his stepmother and is a mommy's girl the room is where he's his original self while not performing his doll house if you will.

Totes! I can do this. :)

Anonymous said:

Could you make one with maisie where a guy switches school and meets someone there whos magic and makes him into the cutest girl in school

Totally!

Anonymous said:

I've had a crush on Emmy Rossum ever since I saw her in Phantom of the Opera, I was 13 when it came out. Could you please do a caption where I become her sissy and she's teasing but very loving towards her sissy? Use my nickname Zeta and the name I wanted if I was a girl Stephanie? Maybe Stephie as a nickname?

Sure thing! I think I’ve got some pics which could work with this. :)

Anonymous said:

Could you make one where a guy make a painting of a girl so beautiful he falls in love with it. He admires it for the rest of the day, and when he goes sleep he wishes to the stars to make her real. By morning there's nothing on canvas and he is the body of the gorgeous girl he painted. You could use a pic of Natalie Dormer, she's a painter in the elementary series. Anyway, your tumblr is amazing!

Thanks hon! And yeah, I’ll do this. :)

Anonymous said:

Can you do a cap involving Anna Kendrick and Brittany Snow please?

I just posted one this last Thursday but I can do another one, totes. :)

Anonymous said:

Can you do one where a guy constantly taunts his female best friend about her breast size so she feminises him into a woman with tiny breasts?

Ooooo! I like! Usually it’s like sissy = big breasts so I’m SO down for a change on that. ;)

Anonymous said:

Could you do one where Mackenzie Davis makes a guy just like her like a lot of the other celebrity queen captions?

You got it, sweetie. ;)

Anonymous said:

I'm not sure who you should use for this, but it would be awesome if you could do one involving a sissy being feminized then constantly forced to change her hair color, you could use several pictures of the same person with different hair colors. It could be each color means something she did or something.

Sure thing! I think Katy Perry could work, but I’ll look around. :)

@horny-dani said:

Hey great work, can you do amy schumer please.

You bet!

[unmanageable-day]

On A Lazy Saturday Afternoon

Crowd of people started to fill a newly open cafe and working space in Itaewon on this sunny yet chilly Sunday. Harim found herself almost lost in the middle of these excited bunch of people. She had promised Yoongi, one of her closest friend, to watch his performance as a gift to the cafe owner, who was actually Harim's cousin. Both Yoongi and Harim's cousin even gave her a free pass to the backstage.

Harim turned her head left and right every minute, trying to find someone she knows. She literally had no company and the idea of going to the backstage somehow never really crossed her mind. She kept refusing when Sunhee, her cousin, approached to take her to the backstage. Until finally she recognized someone, a guy, familiar. That someone seemed to know Harim as well. This tall figure, fair skinned, black haired with fringe guy was coming towards Harim. Her brain worked quite hard to remember who he was. His small yet bright eyes were something. The flat expression like a stone on his face was just another thing.

"Harim noona?"

As that guy called her name, Harim finally got back to her senses. She turned her head to face the one who called her. He was flashing a little smile. A pure, attractive, and somewhat majestic smile that instantly captivated her.

"It looks like you don't remember me." He chuckled. "It's me, Hwang Minhyun. I live only 3 doors away. I'm your junior in Seoul of Performing Arts School, and also in Hanyang University College of Music."

"Ah!" She exclaimed and her eyes got wider as she finally remember who he was. "I'm sorry. I'm terrible with names."

"Never mind. Anyway, is it okay if I join you? I come here with a friend but he went to meet the performers at the backstage, and I assume you've got no company?"

"Yeah, sure. That would be nice." Harim threw a smile at him.

It was not a bad thing that Sunhee saved her a spot enough for three people although it was in the very front row, right where Yoongi and anybody on stage could easily notice.

The audiences were screaming enthusiastically as Yoongi and his two other friends came up on stage. It wasn't even large space, and not even close to a showcase, but the crowd was not joking. Everyone was jamming along to the songs. To be more specific, rap songs. And by the word everyone, just to make it clearer, everyone except Harim. Well, Harim and Minhyun, probably.

Harim had known Yoongi since forever. Both of them had a strong interest in music, but different genre just had to separate them. Yoongi was all about rap, hip hop and everything swag. In opposite, Harim was more like the graceful princess who listens to classic music and plays violin and piano. Other than classic music, she prefers songs sung by singers like Sung Sikyung, Lee Seokhun, Kyuhyun, and other ballad singers. It was still a mystery how Harim and Yoongi could get along very well. Despite of that, this was actually the first time Harim watching Yoongi's live performance. It was her first time too listening to the self-composed songs by her best friend. Probably it was her another first time listening to complete rap songs, since she never really took some time to try listening to rap songs.

Yoongi and his friends just finished three songs. They paused for a short chit-chat before continuing the "mini showcase". The audience seemed to be still on fire. Harim on the other hand, kept taking a look at her wrist watch. She looked restless, but tried to fake it and enjoy the loud crowd.

Without her knowing, Minhyun had been observing Harim and her uneasiness since the very first song. He could tell right away when she didn't nod her head to the songs like everyone did, and somewhat lost her focus. When she started fidgeting. When she kept checking her phone and looking at her wrist watch on and on.

"Harim noona!" Minhyun slightly shouted to get her attention. "Hey, I think I want to grab a coffee and something to eat. Want to come with me?"

The atmosphere at the coffee shop just accross the street was totally the opposite from Sunhee's cafe and working space. Sunhee was pretty lucky she could have Yoongi at her grand opening. But it was just too much for Harim who was not used to be in a crowd, with such a loud music and songs that she thinks impossible to sing along.

Harim doesn't drink coffee, but she always finds the strong coffee aroma calming her sense and mood. If there was no Minhyun who took her to this coffee shop, she would be still stuck in that crowd. She owed him big time afterall.

She and Minhyun had been spending the last 15 minutes in absolute silence. Harim was busy stirring her hot chocolate. Meanwhile Minhyun was as busy as her, eating a big slice of red velvet cake.

"You know, Harim noona, I thought I mistook you for other person when I saw you there."

Harim chuckled. "And why is that?"

"Because the Ahn Harim I know, who used to practice Chopin or Rachmaninoff every day for the orchestra audition, is probably impossible gaining interest in rap." Minhyun answered confidently. "I'm just guessing though."

"Wow. I'm impressed that you know I was in the orchestra." Nodding her head as if giving approval, Harim clapped her hands several times.

Minhyun once again threw a confident wide smile at her while sipping his hot vanilla latte. Every once in a while he stole a glance at the shoulder-length dark blond haired girl in front of him. And that alone always made him slightly grin in happiness.

~

Harim and Minhyun didn't need a long time to finally get along since they have many things in common. They were also comfortable with each other in relatively short time, to the point how linking arms or hugging is very casual for them. And calling names without honorific although Harim is 2 years older. And Harim never felt offended. She actually liked it that way.

Living in the same neighborhood simply enabled both of them to meet very often, telling each other how their day was going, and complaining about this and that. Mostly after that, they just laughed it off together. Little did they know, that actually Harim liked the way Minhyun laughs. And so did he. He, too, found Harim's no-sound laughing somewhat adorable. Probably that's why they like to joke about literally everything. It kinda helps both of them to see everything on the bright and positive side.

"Hey, can I come over at your place? I'm going crazy because of Yoo Seonho." He talked to Harim on the phone. He was in the middle of monitoring the recording his band did a few days ago. But this Yoo Seonho kid just could never stop bugging on him.

"I thought you like him," Harim chuckled. A big smile always grew on her lips every time Minhyun told her about the clingy little brother.

"I thought I do too." A long sigh was heard. Harim knew he wasn't being serious but he did sound tired. It was only Saturday afternoon. Probably he worked way too hard preparing new songs.

"Sure you do. Anyway I'll heat up some soup if you're coming."

"Yeah, I'll be there in 10." Now he sounded excited.

After finishing the meal from the house owner (and making the owner do the dishes), Minhyun moved to the living room. While his thumbs kept on changing the TV channels, his eyes was scanning all over the corner to find pictures of Harim and her family, friends, and even pets. He noticed there is this one particular guy whose pictures had the most number. From college years up until this recent time. Because of this, of course Minhyun would be dying from curiosity.

"Hey, what's with you zapping the TV?" Harim snatched the remote away from Minhyun who was startled. He just grinned.

Harim took a seat next to him, and switched the TV channel into National Geographic Wild. Usually she's not very sensitive to her surroundings. But this time, she could feel the piercing gaze of the person next to her. She turned her head to the right, and said, "Okay, what?"

"'What' what?" He shrugged, grinning and blinking his squinty eyes.

Harim rolled her eyes and went back to watching the TV.

"Hey," he spoke as he took one of the photo frames on the table next to the couch. "Isn't this the guy who performed at your cousin's cafe?"

Minhyun just succeeded again at distracting her attention. So finally she turned off the TV, in the thought of spending the rest of the day having a nice talk with the guest.

"Oh, you mean Yoongi? Yeah, he's my close friend. One of the closest, actually."

Minhyun somewhat felt relieved when she said that. Although the term closest friend and the fact that so many pictures with this close friend still disturbed him a little.

He put the frame back. And he rested his head on Harim's shoulder while doing something on his phone.

"Hey, listen to this. My band mates just rearranged this song and finished recording this yesterday." Minhyun played If You from his phone. "It's good, right?" he said confidently, looking up at Harim who threw a smile at him.

"And this," he then played another song from his phone. "This is my personal favorite. I bet you like it too."

Minhyun started to sing along to Daybreak. His beautiful voice was very pleasing and soothing to hear. Harim also found the rapper's voice in Daybreak nice and somewhat that voice showed the gentle side of the owner.

From the moon, To the stars While lingering in the universe We got to know each other We slide on the paint that spread while drawing, drawing

The air of dawn that I’m alone feels weird I can’t fall asleep My heart towards to you grew big at some point I can’t hide it anymore

The moonlight that fully Shines the empty room (moonlight) It’s disappearing like a dream (out of my life) I draw one more time On a white canvas I trust that I’m not alone

From the moon, To the stars While lingering in the universe We got to know each other We slide on the paint that spread while drawing, drawing

On a dark night I look at the moon that’s like your eyes How was your day, I worry, you don’t look good yeah Don’t try to hard that’s right You can act like a child I’ll hold you On the last line of your diary I’ll always be there

"I like the rap part," she commented. "This Jonghyun guy sounds very kind and gentle."

"But I sing the whole song?" Minhyun demanded cutely. "I just sang this song for you right before your ears, and you talked about Jonghyun?"

"Why not?" Harim ruffled Minhyun's hair who was still on her right shoulder.

Minhyun paused talking and remained silence for a few minutes. He stretched up his neck to peek at Harim who was busy with her phone every one time. Something was in his mind.

"Hey," Minhyun spoke. "You know what's in my heart, don't you?"

"How do I know that?"

Once again Minhyun stretched up his neck, this time so he could reach Harim's peach lips. He planted a quick kiss that she couldn't even blink the moment Minhyun's lips met hers.

"There. Now you do."

Harim could feel she was blushing so much. Honestly she never saw this coming. She got even more startled when Minhyun got up and changed his position. Her eyes met his directly now that he was leaning in. His body was almost twisted to the left because he wanted to face her.

Harim's heartbeat had never been this fast. Overall she does like Minhyun, as a friend. Because she never had a thought too far from being friends.

Minhyun's hand Harim's cheek gently. He also brushed her hair to the back of her ears. "Now that we've kissed, doesn't it mean today is our day 1?"

Harim chuckled, not even saying a word to answer Minhyun and his overflowing confidence. Being more than friends with Hwang Minhyun seemed to be not a bad thing after all.

Hello, there! This is my first time posting fanfiction on tumblr. I usually post on AFF under the name joyful_joy (https://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1051231).

[bbangjaes]

oh my, it’s about to get heated in here

this one was fun to do, i hope you like it!

-mik

(btw special shoutout to @ohjuho for her gifs bc i like them v much)

SF9 REACTION: Another Idol Flirting With Their Girlfriend

Youngbin:

I’ve said before that I don’t find Youngbin to be very possessive or jealous but I feel like he’d particularly dislike another idol trying to finnesse his woman. I see him taking it up personally with the other guy though, like he’d talk to them afterward and let them know that you guys were dating and that you meant a lot to him. Not wanting to fuck with the literal definition of a father, I’m sure he wouldn’t have to do much more to get the other idol to back off his boo thing (wowee i’m flustered at the thought of intimidating Binnie *fans self*).

ALSO THIS GIF MAKES ME THINK BAD THINGS SOMEONE COME GET ME

Inseong: 

IM LAUGHING RN BECAUSE THIS BOY WOULD BE LIVID IF SOME OTHER IDOL WAS FLIRTING WITH HIS GF LIKE HE WOULD NOT BE HAVING THAT AT ALL. He’d probably come up to the idol talking to you and do some fake ass smile and say to him, “Oh! I see you’ve met my girlfriend, Y/N! Isn’t she lovely?” Before that dude could answer, Inseong would be give them a stare so deadly that they’d shit their pants and flee the vicinity faster than Chani when he sees an opportunity to roast one of his hyungs (our devil maknae lmaoooo).

Jaeyoon: 

This little dimple boy would not be very happy that his girlfriend was talking to some idol that wasn’t half as handsome as he was and he’d intervene right away. He would give you the cutest backhug right in front of the other idol and make it super very oh so clear that you two were together and there would be no room for a third in your relationship. Let’s just say that the fuckboy idol trying to chat you up wouldn’t try again thanks to your boyfriend.

Dawon: 

Make room for the king of extra because he has entered the building. This boy would not let the flirting last for more than a second before he strutted over, gave you a little spin, and dipped you for a kiss all while the other idol was standing right there. While you were left standing there like a blushing mess, he’d shake the other idol’s hand all dramtically and say, “Nice to meet you, I am Dawon, your worst nightmare,” and laugh a really loud evil villain laugh (i’m talking like really loud bc i s2g this boy is so fucking obnoxious but i love him to death anyways). The other guy would be so fucking weirded out like wtf ??????, he probably wouldn’t even reply and just walk away in a daze.

Zuho: 

“Zuho my game, my nose is my swag” man Baek Juho would not tolerate a significantly less swaggy idol than him being anywhere near his girl. This sass-master wouldn’t even have to approach you two to make that other guy run for the hills. He’d shoot him looks from across the room that said, “bitch I hope the fuck you do you’ll be a dead son of a bitch I tell you THAT.” I bet that other idol would make up some excuse for him to be too busy to continue talking and gtfo A.S.A.P. (srsly don’t fuck with this hot swagger man).

Rowoon: 

Idk why but I feel like Rowoon would intimidate the other idol and not the other way around like I mean have you fucking seen this visual god. I honsetly see our giant fluffball walking up to be nice and introduce himself to the other idol all nice n shit and the other idol would be so shook by his beauty that they’d want to flirt with him instead of you bc wowee wow wow he’s a pretty man. The two of them would probably start chatting up a storm and forget you were even there (#BROMANCE).

Taeyang: 

A lot like Rowoon, I feel like Tae would intimidate the other idol with his glowing beauty and his unearthly dance skills. But, instead of approaching the two of you, he’d sort of be sunshiney from a distance until the other idol noticed him and then he’d smile and wave. You would turn around and wave to him as well and, when you turned back around to go back to your convo with the other idol, Tae would mouth something to them that would make sure that he would end your conversation within the next 5 seconds or else (oh? what did he mouth? trust me, friends. you don’t want to know).

Hwiyoung: 

Super needy boyfriend Hwi would steal you away from the other idol before you could even reply to their flirting. Seriously, he would see you take a breath to speak and he would scream some high-pitched noise that you swore you heard some endangered species on animal planet make (tbt to his dolphin scream in the haunted house lms if you know what i’m talking abt) and drag you away from the other guy. He would then latch onto you and not leave your side so that you wouldn’t even think about talking to some other pretty idol boy.

Chani: 

Actual clueless baby Chani wouldn’t even see you and the other idol together bc he’d be lost like a kid in a Target or some shit. I’m crying bc I see him trying to find you and someone having to call for you over an intercom to come get your child at customer service or something like that. Ok but seriously though, I don’t see him even paying attention to some other idol flirting with you. You’d ask him why he didn’t seem to be bothered at all and he’d say some cute shit like, “I’m not bothered by you talking to other guys becuase I trust that you like me.” (MY HEART IS IN SHAMBLES JUST THINKING OF MY BABY LEMME GO NOW).

[omgnsfwisnsfw-blog]

Game #6: Mama Said Knock You Out

The usual camera phone feed clicked on, revealing Mike McGuire standing in her backyard, leaning against a tall privacy fence. She had her fists taped but was otherwise dressed casually- jeans with holes in the knees, sneakers, her Mets cap, and a brand new t-shirt touting EWC’s newest facial hair based team, The tMc Club. Her hands were tucked behind her back, and she addressed the camera frankly. “Well, EWC Faithful, this is it. Weeks and weeks of climbing, clawing, and scratching, and ya boys finally made good. Number One Contenders to the motherfucking Tag Team Titles. I got a feeling that shot’s gonna be coming sooner rather than later, but this week, in Miami? I got me a one on one with one big hairy drink’a whiskey named Grizzly Duggan. I’m sure people are gonna have their eyes on it. I mean, for one, it’s yours truly’s second singles match in EWC, not to mention my first freakin’ singles main event. But other than that? People are probably gonna be seeing it as something as a bellwether for the eventual title match. Which is smart, I guess.” She shrugged, reaching up and adjusting her cap. “I’ll get to Griz in a second. Firstly, I want to say a quick piece about my own partner. You’ll notice he’s not here at the moment- I told him to take it the fuck easy. I want that gash in his side to be a total non-issue by go time, both for professional and personal reasons. See, Bishop Church is a goddamn saint. He grounds me. Keeps me from getting too nasty. There’s a lot of terrible things I would’ve said and done to people if it weren’t for him- in short, he truly is my better angels given flesh. He is kind, he is self-sacrificing, he is morally upright…” Mike’s grin split from genuine, almost sweet fondness into something outright shark-like. “...and he’s watching Cloud Atlas right now, so I don’t have a fucking filter for the next three hours.” Reaching out, Mike plucked the phone from its tripod and swiveled it around- through the sliding glass back door, a glimpse of the living room could be seen. Bishop himself could be spotted nestled into a recliner wearing a too-small light blue Snuggie adorned with monkeys, absorbed in the first act of the multi-plot epic. Back over to her, camera set back in place. “So, with that established, let’s start at the beginning, shall we? Okay. I have wanted to fight fucking Grizzly Duggan one on one pretty much since I got here. Not for any personal reasons, but because I just want to test my mettle against somebody twice my goddamn size. I wanted to get in the ring and get scrappy as fuck with him just to see if I could. But outside that? Seemed like an okay enough dude. Not the brightest, shiniest bulb in the lamp, but eh. No real reason to dislike the guy. And I didn’t. Until he opened that fucking hole in his ugly hairy-ass face. But more on that in a second.” Picking the camera and tripod up, the picture moved across the backyard to the backdoor of the garage. Mike opened it up and stepped inside- in lieu of a car, it was filled with workout equipment. Jump rope, weight bench, dumbbells, mats on the floor for doing calisthenics on, and other such things. There’s also a table off to the side where several cardboard boxes and large plastic buckets were stacked, along with packing materials- NSFW’s own personal merch station. “Yeah, see that? We send out our own goddamn shit. Everything someone gets with the NSFW brand on it, they get right from us. Nice personal touch, yeah? I wouldn’t recommend you do it though, Duggan. See, we include an autographed picture with our swag. You’d probably just wind up including beard hair and armpit sweat, you uncouth fuck.” Shrugging, they turn their attention to the makeshift gym proper. Tripod is set down, and Mike took a seat on the weight bench. “You’re probably going to go on about how much you work out. How much you fucking lift. The only thing you probably lift on the regular is takeout bags, you fat sonovabitch. But oh no, you’re probably thinking right now, what did you do or say to deserve this? Why am I being so… gasp… mean? I’ll allow our personal motivational speaker to enlighten you, you living drain clog.” The camera was adjusted so it faced the wall, where a slightly terrifying enlarged cutout of David Scott’s stern face is hung up, with blinking red Christmas lights poked where the eyes were. Underneath was a whiteboard, usually adorned with some tongue in cheek inspirational quote and workout schedules, but this time, it bore Grizzly’s own words. Back on her. Emerald eyes flashed from the slight shadow cast by the brim of her cap. “How dare you try to psychoanalyze me, Sigmund Fuck? You ain’t got the skills or brains to do that. I mean, look at you. I bet you chew on your own fucking beard thinking it’s your girlfriend’s bush, you fucking moron. Or is that even a beard? It looks like your face is home to wild growing fucking pubes. I bet you just shaved your fucking undercarriage and glued it to your face, which sure explains why you always stink of fermented ball sweat.” Inhale. Exhale. There was a visible tic in their jaw, and they attempted to calm themselves down, at least a little. “So. The match at fucking hand. I mean, people probably have me pegged as the underdog here. I mean, for one, you outweigh me. By a LOT. I mean, you have bigger fucking tits than I do. You ever considered putting on a bra? Your goddamn business is always jiggling up front. You have protruding nipples, for God’s sake. Very disrespectful. Cover that shit. And maybe stop guzzling Campbell’s Chunky right out of the fucking can. Or maybe that’s part of your master plan, huh? I have it on good authority you only beat Annabelle because you farted on her and she passed the fuck out. The evil spirits in her head couldn’t fucking contend with the ones coming out of your hairy ass. You better not try that shit on me, big boy. I WILL wear a goddamn gas mask to the ring if I have to.” She rolled her shoulders, smirking. “Number two, some would say you outclass me. Don’t make me fucking laugh, you wouldn’t know class if you tripped through the fucking window of a high society party. Class wouldn’t spend each and every week droning on and on about how many matches you’ve had. Nobody cares how many you’ve won, nobody cares how many you’ve shat down your leg like the regular bouts of explosive diarrhea you get after eating an entire Taco Bell party pack by your lonesome and chasing it with two gallons of goddamn Schlitz. Nobody gives a fuck. So you’re on a hot streak. Big fucking deal, you leave hot streaks in your underwear fucking daily. Bet Candice loves doing your laundry.” Stretching, she stood up. Perhaps this all was a little much- she knew damn sure by this point that John wouldn’t really like it if he was here- but there was no sense in trying to re-cork the bottle now that the genie’d already flown the coop. “But fine, let’s humor you. You got some wins. Wins that you got through either Carlos- hey there, sweetie!- or dumb fucking luck. If I have to hear you crow about it for another fucking minute I’m going to beat your ass to death just so I never have to hear it again. There’s something else I never wanna hear too. C’mere, I wanna show you something.” The tripod was picked up once more, carried back through the door she came in. The focus now was on a different part of the backyard- a huge spreading maple, the leaves just starting to turn. Beneath it was a wrestling ring. The ropes didn’t match- red, gold, and green- and the turnbuckles were different sizes, the canvas stained and worn in places, ring apron patched here and there. But nonetheless, it was a ring, and she slid into it expertly, setting up the tripod in the center and leaning back into the corner. “This ring, it’s mine. I bought it before I even got a job at EWC. I wasn’t a wrestler anymore, just an auto mechanic, but I still bought it. I wanted to be in it, work in it, keep myself as fucking sharp as possible, because I love wrestling and I always wanted it to be a part of my life. That’s who I am, not what you’re fucking pigeonholing me into. But hold up… the shit you said about me, you haven’t said just about me. In fact, you’ve tried to chalk up the wills of damn near every fucking woman you’ve ever stepped in the ring with to some sort of personal fucking inadequacy. Abuse, trauma, illness, being bullied, something has to be fundamentally broken or we wouldn’t be fighting so hard to prove ourselves. Right?” She leaned forward, hands on her knees. Her teeth grit in an angry grimace. “Just last week you chalked Annabelle up to, I quote, a ‘scared little girl’. Fuck that and fuck you. I don’t get her much and I don’t like her much, but that woman is fucking legit. I got a scar on my head to prove it. She’s a fighter, and she’s eaten better men than you for fucking breakfast. You had weak-ass platitudes for Lavender, and you didn’t have the balls to say shit about Ruthann Hunter, a goddamn legend in this company, before she put you in your fucking place. And then there’s me. Are you right about me? Are you wrong? You ain’t never gonna know, because it ain’t your goddamn business, Duggan. It sure as fuck ain’t who I am. Let me tell you who I am.” She stood up straight, pushing the brim of her cap to the side with one thumb. Her face was full of hard, steely determination. “I am Mike Fucking McGuire, from New York City. I was trained by Harley Race. I’ve fought fucking harder and longer than you could even wrap your head around. I love this business more than your tiny mind could fathom. I. Am a Professional Fucking Wrestler, and I will NOT be fucking marginalized by you or anybody, you cuck. I’m not afraid of you. I’m not intimidated by your size, your weight, or your momentum.” She let out a brief, dry laugh. “I am Mike McGuire… and I’m gonna knock you out.” A taped fist went sailing toward the screen. The letters ‘KF6’ could be seen for a split second before the picture abruptly went dark. Mike tucked their phone into the pocket of their jeans and let out an exhale. They felt almost ten pounds lighter- there had been a lot rolling around in their head, festering like some vestigial gangrenous limb. The excision had been an absolute relief- they’d spat poison, true, but if they hadn’t it would’ve wasted no time eating at them instead. Enough was eating at them lately. The letter they’d gotten from Natalie was hanging heavily around their neck and they knew that they hadn’t been themself since the night they read it. They strode through the back door and padded into the living room. The movie was still going, at one of the parts involving the cute rebel waitress clone. Or something. A glance to the Lay-Z-Boy made Mike smile fondly- their partner had fallen asleep. At what point, they couldn’t say, but if this wasn’t a testament to the inherent dullness of Cloud Atlas Mike didn’t know what was. They turned it off, and watched him sleep for about as long as they could allow themselves without feeling like a creeper before nudging him gently. “Hey, buddy. I’m all done.” “Huh?” John’s eyes slowly blinked awake, and he yawned, rubbing them with one hand. Mike chuckled softly. He eyed the TV and then back to them. “I guess it wasn’t very good after all.” And then he sat up in the recliner, rolling the blanket off his chest to free his arms from its sleeves. “You feel better?” “Yeah, a little. I mean, I’ve felt a lot better since Monday, t’ be honest.” Last week had been truly terrible, and one of the worst parts was that their partner didn’t know just how awful it’d been. But they hadn’t told him what that letter’d said. It was too painful, even now, to try and speak it aloud. “Good. That letter from Natalie. Saw what was left of it, cinders and all, in the trash. What’s going on?” They closed their eyes. For a moment, John saw on their face an expression that’d been all too common in the last week- a sadness that was very unlike them. Something different than even the sadness that’d been there during the fight of sorts they’d had a few weeks ago- at least that came with an almost wild persistence to work things out. No, this was resignation, as if what was lost wouldn’t ever come back. Still, as unpalatable as the idea of talking about the contents of that letter was, they knew better now than to be elusive. They instead spoke earnestly. “I’ll tell you. I promise I will. I just can’t talk about it right now. Gimme a few more days and I’ll tell you everything, but it’s just… too raw to talk about at th’ moment. Okay?” John kicked off the blanket and stood up. Despite towering over them, he was far from intimidating in their presence. The usual blank expression that he sported turned to one of brief acknowledgement. “Okay.” “Okay.” They smiled, that sad expression melting back into the background, just visible if you knew where to look. “I don’t know about you, but I could go for some goddamn strawberry pancakes.”

[theliterateape]

"I Voted" Stickers are the New Joe Camel

By David Himmel

It’s 11:15 a.m. on Tuesday, Nov. 6.

“Have you voted yet?” he asks me.

“No.”

“What!? Why not?”

“Haven’t had a chance to.”

“You’re going to vote, right? Right?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you vote early?”

“I don’t like to.”

“What!? Why not?”

“I find voting on Election day to be… romantic, I guess. Makes me feel my most American. That feeling that I absolutely must complete my duty as a citizen of this country within the allotted 13 hours makes me appreciate the magnitude of what it means to live in a free, albeit struggling, society.”

“But the lines.”

“Eh. My polling place has never had lines. I think I’ll be OK. Otherwise, I’ll wait in line. I’m going at the end of the day anyway. Probably the least busy time.”

“But don’t you want to get your vote in?

“Yes. That’s why I’m voting today.”

“But you’re procrastinating.”

“I’m not. I had a lot of things to do today — voting being one of them — and I’m going to do it. There’s a reason the polls are open until 7 p.m.”

✶

Everyone should vote. But that’s my opinion. People can do whatever they want. At the very least, everyone should have the ability to vote. Voter suppression is an egregious crime. Voting is a right that I don’t think should be taken lightly. When modern patriots talk about soldiers dying for our freedom in Iraq, I don’t buy it. Our freedom has not been threatened in hundreds of years. What’s been threatened is the ease in which we can expand our empire. But hey, maybe that’s tomatoes/potatoes. But there were men and women who died so that we could cast our votes and have the wonderfuck that is the Electoral College. That’s not lost on me. It’s also not lost on me that the same kind of struggles and deaths are still occurring in countries all over this warm orb. The People should have a voice.

Voting matters. Voting is not something to brag about.

All day yesterday, and, to a smaller degree, the last two weeks or so with early voting, I saw posts on social media of friends I love and respect, and assholes I hope get cancer and lose their health insurance posting photos with their stickers or wristbands that said, “I Voted!” Often accompanied by words like: “Did you?”

It started to bug me just as too much of anything bugs me. I’m such a goddamn contrarian malcontent that if $100 bills were blasted into my home for 30 straight hours, I’d probably grow annoyed with being rich. So I avoided social media for the day. But then the emails came. Emails from my eye doctor offering 20 percent off an eyeglasses purchase for anyone who brings in their “’I Voted’ sticker” on Election Day. Where I reached my limit was when I got an email from J. Crew encouraging me to vote. And yes, offering a discount by showing proof I voted.

First of all, if you’re in Chicago and you use the word “sticker” when discussing a voting receipt, you’re talking nonsense. Chicago doesn’t get sticker. Chicago gets wristbands that aren’t much different than the ones you’d get at Burning Man. And that’s because no one from the Daley family ever got into the adhesive business.

But back to this J.Crew thing… Incentives to vote is great but here’s the problem. There’s an overabundance of self-righteous pride that has become undisguisable when it comes to voting. Yes, let’s all vote. Voting should be simple. Registering should be even more simple. But if you’re trying to inspire those who wouldn’t vote, you may want to consider your audience. The J. Crew audience are made up mostly of liberal, white assholes. I know this because I am one and I see all those fuckers just like me in the store when I’m cashing in a birthday coupon six months later on a new cable knit sweater. We’re voting.

Thanks for the discount but I don’t want the places I occasionally shop at to get involved with my politics. Even if they remain 100 percent neutral, when the company I buy underpants from and Submittable, the dumping ground for writers to send stories they want rejected, is hounding me to Vote! Vote! Vote! Then we’ve gone too far. Politics has metastasized into every single daily event we participate in. It’s exhausting. I’ll still find porn featuring Sarah Palin look-a-likes. Enough already.

Good for you. You voted. Yay. You’re lucky that your right to express your democratic voice wasn’t suppressed. (Sounds like privilege to me.) And, OK, you did something responsible. It took all of part of one day of your entire life. You’ll do it again in a few months for local elections and again in two years for the national stuff. It’s pretty basic. Pretty routine. It’s an important thing to do but it’s a really easy thing to do if you’re one of the privileged who can vote and shops at J. Crew.

Voting is easy. If you can do it, that is. Holding the swine you elected accountable once they get off the campaign train and settle into their new digs is where the real work begins. A true patriot’s day off is Election day. Every day in between election days are working days.

“I Voted” stickers are the new Joe Camel swag. Everyone wants Joe camel’s stuff but few comprehend what sporting a Joe Camel windbreaker really means.

Because here’s the thing… and this is strictly for my Illinois people… You’re so proud of having voted, great. I bet most of you voted for J.B. Pritzker — k.d, lang’s less talented, uglier and more crooked twin. I bet you an actual “I Voted” sticker that within three months of being sworn in as Illinois’ governor, he bends over to either a) kiss Mike Madigan’s feet, b) bend over to kiss Madigan’s soggy mushroom cap or c) bend over to let Madigan power blast J.B.’s pampered behind to shreds as he’s done with every Illinois Democrat since becoming Speaker of the Illinois House of Representatives. Yeah, Rauner was a bit of a bum, but he wasn’t Madigan’s bitch. Not like the 53.9 percent of you who voted for Pritzker are. Just wait and see. Things aren’t going to get better. I’d say that Illinois is in the toilet and that we ought to prepare for the big, loose McDonald’s dump about to rain on us. But this is J.B.’s Illinois now. He’ll probably have all the toilets removed and leave the hot, gooey shit form puddles up to our ankles. 

✶

I voted late in the day. I didn’t accept a wrist band after I voted. Doesn’t matter. Who cares? I also didn’t use a privacy sleeve because the hired hands at my polling place, exhausted from a day of interacting with self-aggrandizing rubes kept losing them.

“I have nothing to hide,” I said. “Besides I have other things to do tonight and I don’t have time to wait to hide my opinions.”

I’m glad you voted. I hope more people voted yesterday than in 2018. I hope the majority voted with some foresight and research under their belt. We’ll see. The results are (mostly) in. Now it’s time to get serious. Because we have two years to change course and prepare to elect more lesser than however many evils. And J.B. has two years to legalize marijuana and pump money into Illinois and CPS schools. If he doesn’t, I might become even more disaffected and not vote next time around.

Unless Chicago finally gets actual stickers so I can be an insufferable braggart in J. Crew’s latest fashions.

[episodesthebadgirlsclub]

VH1’s Love & Hip Hop New York Premiere Episode Recap: Unity

It’s here, ya’ll! Love & Hip Hop New York is bringing back the glam, the beats, and the drama for season eight. There are some new players on the scene destined to stir it up, and some familiar faces guaranteed to hold it down.

We begin with the first lady of this crew, Remy Ma, who is looking fab in a private helicopter as she glides, unbothered, above her city. Since her comeback, the rap mogul is loving her regained spotlight – but fame comes with a price. Getting nominated for Best Female Hip Hop Artist by BET this year puts her in the crosshairs of her competitors, but Remy just wants to see the women of hip hop come together. No need for more messiness.

At Lovage Rooftop in Midtown, the party Remy has organized to bring women together is in full swing. She arrives in all her gilded glory to thank everyone for coming, and to encourage networking. Her husband and producer, Papoose, loves seeing Remy use her swag to empower others in the industry. Now, they just have to take her advice.

Remy sits down with blue-haired Bianca Bonnie (formerly known as Young B), and Juliet “Juju” C to chat, and is disturbed to hear that Bianca has gotten herself into some hot water over a physical altercation with Brittany “Bri” Taylor, who has allegedly been coming at her for years. Instead of seeing how devastating this behavior could be to her career, Bianca justifies the incident. Knowing where this can lead (clink clink), Remy advises the young upstart to cool it with the club tussling. “I don’t want you to be like me,” she warns. Bianca just laughs and says she’ll work on it.

Across the rooftop, Felicia “Snoop” Pearson and Papoose sit down with DJ Self to hear all about his new artist, Dreamdoll, who promptly comes over to join them.

Safaree shows up next, back in the city after bouncing to LA for a bit. He needs a break from the Hollywood scene and is hoping to get his career and love life back on track in NYC. He’s also done with the Botox parties and the plastic women of LA, and Dreamdoll is looking like the East Coast girl who could fix his life right now.

Yandy Smith-Harris is back with a short sleek bob, lamenting the messy year she’s just lived through with baby mama drama and her man, Mendeecees Harris, still locked up. Mendeecees’ other kids haven’t been to prison to visit their father in a while, a situation Yandy admits isn’t ideal. But she’s focused on her own family and career right now, just trying to let go of the ancillary drama.

When Mendeecees comes home, Yandy wants the transition to be smooth – but when he calls in the middle of her conversation with the girls at the party, she immediately hangs up on his a$$! Oh, no. No, no, no, girl. After she tells him to call back later FROM PRISON, Remy and Juju side-eye Yandy within an inch of her life. She just brushes them off, arguing that she hears from him ALL the time, so…whatevs! This move will come back to haunt her later.

Love & Hip Hop Premiere Episode Recap At home, Rich Dollaz inspects his reflection in the mirror. Managing his type 2 diabetes has been a wakeup call this past year, and he knows that his creeping has to stop. His music – and his health – are all that matter now.

Meanwhile, newcomer Anais is taking the stage at Amadeus Nightclub in Queens. Anais is a Latin artist who’s been performing since childhood, and has already risen to fame in the Spanish-language music scene. Now she wants to take her career mainstream, and her manager, Navarro, thinks super-stardom is a sure thing. Only one problem: Anais is married to a dude (Ruben) who could be her father, and all is not wedded bliss in their world. For starters, Ruben is not thrilled with Anais re-entering the music scene. His wife has other plans, however…like flirting.

At Quad Studios in Midtown, Webstar and Rich sit down to talk about Bri’s future. Webstar wants Rich to take her on as his new talent, but Rich doesn’t want to manage female artists who live for the drama – and Bri’s beef with Bianca spells trouble. Blue-haired Bri thinks Bianca has been jacking her swag for ages, and she’s had enough of the jealousy and hate. She wants to take her career seriously, and to the next level – if only for the sake of her family, especially the sick grandmother who raised her. Despite the situation with Bianca (who’s also produced by Webstar), Rich agrees to take her on as a client.

At Yandy’s office in Lower Manhattan, she’s advising a photo shoot via phone when her cell goes off. It’s Mendeecees calling from prison and this time, she picks up. He’s not happy about her hanging up on him the day before, and has already sent word to his mother, Judy, to “deal with it.” He’s also got issues with Yandy’s Instagram bikini shots, which don’t say “hello, I’m a serious businesswoman!” as much as “hello, have you met my a$$cheeks recently?” Exasperated at Yandy laughing off his concerns, Mendeecees finally just hangs up on her. Now they’re even.

Love & Hip Hop Premiere Episode Recap Later that night, Safaree takes his mom and sisters out for drinks, which includes a little bit of alcohol and a heaping helping of interrogation tactics. They want Safaree to bring home a nice girl – a girl he could actually marry. Mom even thinks she should choose his next girlfriend because her son is obviously not capable of choosing his own quality partner! By the end of this “family bonding” experience, Safaree is schooled enough to get serious. He’s got mama’s marching orders to find a wife, and he’d better do it right this time.

Love & Hip Hop Premiere Episode Recap Someone who is already wife’d up and none the happier for it is Anais, who is still complaining about how much Ruben holds her back.

In their courtyard, Anais complains to Ruben about how unsupportive he is when he accuses her of being out too much. “I got a LIFE!” she whines, but Ruben is not up for this new life, new wife. “Do you want to get divorced?” he finally asks her. Anais doesn’t give him a straight answer yet, but the chances of them staying together doesn’t look good.

Next, we flash to footage of the BET Awards, where Remy picked up Best Female Hip Hop Artist – woot woot! After she predictably shades Nicki Minaj, she takes the stage to thank her fans and her husband, who have shown her lasting love and loyalty. Papoose is thrilled for her and sees only stars in their future.

image: http://cdn3-www.realitytea.com/assets/uploads/2017/11/Remy_Pap.jpg

Love & Hip Hop Premiere Episode Recap They clink champagne glasses afterward, toasting to their success. But Remy will never forget her friends back in prison, nor the struggles she went through to get where she is. She might be back on top, but can’t forget what the bottom looks like. And if she puts all of this fire into her next album, it will hit all the right notes. But Papoose wants to press pause on the album in favor of pursuing IVF. Remy can’t imagine slowing down for a baby though. Why can’t I just do both? she wonders. If anyone can do it, she can.

Rich, Snoop, and Bri are also celebrating at the club. Bri’s career is Rich’s problem now, and he takes his problems seriously. Snoop wishes them both luck, knowing they’ll probably need a whole lot of it.

Love & Hip Hop Premiere Episode Recap When she gets back with her drink, Bri straight up accuses Bianca of trying to be like her. “You think you’re cute after you jump me?” taunts Bri, desperately trying to get a reaction. And a reaction is served up swiftly – in the form of a shoe launching straight at her head! Dang. Bianca came to PLAY! With her heel!!! Right after she throws her shoe, Bianca is held back from the flailing Bri, who also needs full restraints. As the women are literally dragged apart by bouncers, Rich ponders why he decided to get back into the business of managing female artists again – especially these female artists.

Afterward on the curb, Bri tells Rich she can’t handle being thrown into the fire with Bianca, and she doesn’t want to do business with her in the mix any longer. Owning NO part of the situation herself, Bri calls Bianca a “bum b*tch” who shows up to industry parties just to start drama. “I’m DONE!” she warns.

Love & Hip Hop Premiere Episode Recap Meanwhile, Yandy is on set overseeing Grafh’s photoshoot. Grafh has had past success in the industry, but wants to break out with his own brand now. In the middle of the shoot, Yandy’s mother in law, Judy, shows up to spy on her daughter in law – who just happens to be rubbing lotion on her client’s elbows.

“Why are you touching up on him like that?” Judy demands. Yandy is not about to deal with this family drama at her place of business, but finally has to step in when Judy hauls off and HITS Grafh! Yandy tells her she’s crazy, to please leave, and NOT to carry this bone back to Mendeecees in prison.

Watch full episodes here

Read more at http://www.realitytea.com/2017/11/01/vh1s-love-hip-hop-new-york-premiere-episode-recap-unity/#gB2icLGxMorJVcd5.99

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Morning Wood: Right Between The Legs

This was a classic Dick Punch game. So canonical, in fact, that you’d be hard pressed to come up with any other words to describe blowing an 8-point lead in 1:39 and losing on a three-pointer at the buzzer. I just imagine that all 20,682 inside The Center actually got punched in the holy land at the exact same moment and that’s the sound you hear here:

That one kills. Devastating. http://pic.twitter.com/Cm0a6Zaf1f

— Andrew Porter (@And_Porter) October 26, 2017

Even Joshua Harris, a billionaire who one would think has never had to feel such pain, was smarting after this one*:

I enjoy Joshua Harris’ reaction http://pic.twitter.com/66HLWRgo3b

— Kyle Scott (@CrossingBroad) October 26, 2017

Gettttttttt toooooooo the choppppppppppppppper. 

*There’s this perception that Harris doesn’t care about winning. I don’t think that’s true at all. He’s very emotive on the sidelines, comes to a lot of games, and genuinely seems to care more about the Sixers than the Devils, which, from my view, are just a surrogate to owning the Prudential Center, an arena in the New York metropolitan area. I mean, he was SITTING NEXT TO MEEK MILL during the opener. Imagine that conversation. What do those two men have in common? Besides dream chasing, it may only be their love of the Sixers.

Anyway, we can react in one of two ways to the loss: we can be disappointed that the Sixers turned in several inexcusable possessions down the stretch and ask real questions to the coach about late-game scenarios, or we can, I don’t know, be Ike Reese, not believe in dinosaurs, and tweet inanities like this:

All because Simmons won't/can't pull up at 6'11 for a 15ft jump shot!!!!

— Ike Reese (@Ike58Reese) October 26, 2017

There’s plenty to dislike about those last possessions – some of which is on Simmons – but The Fresh Prince’s inability to shoot is not one of them.

The difference between Simmons’ and Markelle Fultz’s shooting woes are that one guy was drafted without a shot and could become truly great if he develops one, whereas the other, Fultz, was drafted precisely because of his shot and seems to have misplaced it.

If you want to critique Simmons or Joel Embiid, it’s worth noting that both guys make classic “rookie mistakes” and get careless with the ball. More lackadaisical than anything. This Simmons turnover with 1:42 remaining hurt in hindsight:

Those soft passes have no place in the NBA. Simmons, Embiid and Fultz (in his limited action) occasionally do stuff like this, leading to turnovers or near turnovers. This is a problem that gets fixed with experience.

Here's a sequence of @TarikBlack25 owning @JoelEmbiid http://pic.twitter.com/ne4sIXepvv

— Bean (@RipCityGoon) October 26, 2017

Embiid, to his own right, had some issues. For a stretch in the third quarter he seemed more interested in besting Tarik Black, a mostly futile effort that resulted in a block, turnover and two free throws.

Both of these sequences feel like rookie mistakes– one out aggression, the other out of nonchalance.

But spare me the Ben Simmons can’t shoot narrative. The Sixers knew that the day they drafted him. The jumper will come.

If you want to cast blame for one singular item down the stretch, then get outraged at Brett Brown for not calling a timeout after Clint Capella hit a layup to cut the lead to five with 1:03 remaining. I was already sliding off my couch to go to the bathroom expecting a timeout which never came. How, with a young team, do you not call a timeout to regroup there?

Let’s Wood!

  NBC Sports Philly

Last night was Authentic Fan night. I truly have no idea what that means, but it’s certainly part of a NBC Sports SE PA marketing initiative. There’s nothing wrong with it, I just… don’t get it. They handed out swag bags, and nothing says authentic like a sign that says “authentic”… with an NBC peacock on it.

Collars: I am secretly in love with how NBC decided to do away with CSN Sweaters in lieu of UNBUTTONED COLLARED SHIRTS. I am 98% convinced that there was a corporate mandate to wear ONLY collared shirts with the top button unbuttoned:

I’m thinking about starting a #NBCSportsCollars hashtag, but the problem is, EVERYONE LOOKS THE SAME. It’s like Rob Ellis got inside their closets and sprinkled office casual dust all over the clothes. Nothing says hip like Michael Barkann in a checked shirt and a brown blazer.

One other thing: I also enjoy how, in an effort to ESCHEW the dreaded hot take, they have just started calling inane segments HOT TAKES so they can act like they’re in on the joke when, really, it’s just the same content, but now self-aware, I guess?

  Blue

I am a BIG fan of the Sixers’ branding in almost all regards. I love the blue court and the blue uniforms. But I’ve got to be honest, I’m not sure I like them together. Now, I’m not someone who hates the colors-at-home jerseys. In fact, I like how the NBA has relaxed the rules in this regard and allows for color-on-color matchups. But the blue uniforms on the blue court lack a certain contrast. It’s too blue. The Sixers have worn their blue jerseys every game so far this year and I think it’s time to switch it up. The white or red uniforms would provide much-needed contrast against the blue court.

And you know what? I bet it would be really cool if those yet-to-be-unveiled fourth jerseys were a light-colored throwback that would really pop against the blue court. Maybe something vintage looking that loosely resembles the Declaration of Independence. That would be something.

  Forces at play

Look at the gravity Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid drew on this JJ Redick three-pointer:

There’s four guys in the paint with them and three open shooters on the perimeter, including one of the best in the league. DOWN IT GOES!

Also, Ben Simmons is fucking fast:

Look at how Simmons separates and beats everyone down the court. http://pic.twitter.com/CjYm02f8Yb

— NBC Sports Philly (@NBCSPhilly) October 26, 2017

  The stars

.@lildickytweets just beat @MeekMill in a game of basketball backstage after the Sixers game. http://pic.twitter.com/WoF8ObcCLn

— NBC Sports Philly (@NBCSPhilly) October 26, 2017

The best part of this video, by far, is Lil Dicky asking Meek for his number at the end.

Meek Mill and M. Night are locked in a fierce battle to be the Sixers’ superfan. I’d have to give Meek the edge right now based on the fact that he’s been to both games, sat next to the owner, and shot hoops with Lil Dicky. But M. Night swings big by bringing out the mega stars like Samuel L. Jackson.

  Embiid almost killed Harden

Joel Embiid on hitting floor

“Everybody gotta stop being scared. Im not made of glass”#Sixers http://pic.twitter.com/pIjnFjB6vh

— John Clark NBCPhilly (@JClarkNBCS) October 26, 2017

After the game, Brett Brown spoke about being worried about Embiid: “The thud is still in my ears.”

And the pain from this one is still in my stomach.

Morning Wood: Right Between The Legs published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv