#think of the trans potential too.. much to think about

[smokeys-house]

"I think we talk too much about JKR's transphobia and not about all the other hateful things she does" probably because she just spent a ton of time and money specifically to fuck over trans women. That's probably the reason we talk about that part. Like yeah. Acknowledge the other stuff too. But as far as I know she hasn't been funneling money into hate groups and dismantling protections for any other group, so maybe don't pretend like it's blasé and pedestrian to talk about her transphobia when everyone's still parading around merch and hogwarts houses irl all the while that money is literally not figuratively targeting a single specific group.

Sorry it's not chic or winning you brownie points to defend trans woman and not everyone else, wish there was something i could do to make you give a damn lol. Sorry you think trans women are getting too much spotlight in *checks notes* literally being oppressed systemically by a single person's bank account. Sorry we we keep bringing it up but not that one time she made a tweet about someone or a character in her book. "This effects trans women but ALSO POTENTIALLY someone who ACTUALLY matters. So that's why we should care. Not because of the first part."

[wolfertinger]

apologies, for lack of asks answered. they will be gotten to. i have been doing a lot of thinking, tonight.

i do not know, what wis and salem want. there is nothing, that lying yourself into a hole, will do. and that is all they seem capable, of doing.

what i want, is accountability. admittance, that he lied in the past, and that he will not do it again. but genuine apologies do not occur, unless the person GENUINELY means it. and so far. salem has run from every opportunity to change, directly back into his old ways.

in terms of the past.

salem is not sorry, for kung fu revvy. because he immediately excused it away, with "racial delusions", and "being raised american, and learning to inherently fetishize asians".

salem is not sorry, for lying about experiencing sexual assault and a miscarriage, in order to escape a callout, because he immediately excused that away, too. claiming, "it was all just a delusion". even though he was caught lying about it being true, as recently as 2024.

salem is not sorry, for fetishizing transfems. as all of his partners, with the exception of sawyer, have been transfem (and he has lied publicly, about every single one), he has continued his excessive fixation on their genitals, and ignores their personhood, in favor of sexual art.

he is not sorry, for exposing minors to excessive nsfw, and even thinks it is "the minor's responsibility", to stay away from him, an adult.

in terms of the PRESENT.

he is not sorry, for supporting a rapist, that self admitted to raping her partner repeatedly, continuing sex when they asked to stop, even relaying the same exact story with no pressure, to wis. repeatedly telling wis, "i am a rapist", and wis admitting, that she did not fully understand the weight, of the situation. that of course she backtracked on, and lied further for. wis, verbatim, has said "even IF she was found [to be a rapist], i don't see how that reflects badly on ME for defending [her]." and lied, about not receiving full context. she spoke DIRECTLY to mari, and sawyer. unless she is lying, about her contact with mari, for some reason.

that SALEM HIMSELF has said he cannot be around this person, because he is scared of being around a "potential rapist". should have been enough for wis. but this rapist she defends, also, has called her a "gooner", an "ugly monster", and said she "should kill herself".

he is not sorry, for supporting a groomer, that SELF ADMITTEDLY "GROOMED" AND TRAUMATIZED HIM, that targetted two separate teenagers, for her on sexual purposes. and for being a kiwifarmer, that deadnamed and misgendered him, and leaked private information of his, for literally no benefit of her own. ironically. wis STILL defends torin, to this day. claiming she is a, "brain damaged mentally ill homeless Trans woman", does not detract from the fact, she groomed two minors, apparently groomed salem, and continues to try and harass her victims, using burner accounts.

he is not sorry, for platforming another serial abuser, who lies down to their identity, lied about a wellness check being a "swatting attempt", keeps a limbless, disabled raccoon that is fed junk food, and kept morbidly obese, despite also lying about being homeless, at the exact same time. she makes alts to defend herself, where she lies about her race, as well. all of this, while she throws false rape accusations, at innocent trans people. including claiming that her partner, that did nothing more than cuddle with her consent and/or initiation, and was always within view of her family, somehow raped her. along side claiming that drawn art, depicting her character in a dominating, cnc scene with her victims submissive character, was considered ""rape"", or at least, not discerned from IRL, actual, rape.

i could go on, about the types of people, he chooses to support. but this is just what i have, with proof, of their claims being lies. how much further, does it need to go. how many more people, does he need to hurt, before he gets better. because he is the same exact person he was, back in 2022. three years have passed, yet he behaves the exact same, and will never stop, so long as he is enabled.

i do not know what salem wants. i do not know what wis wants. other than their victims to be silenced, and their abuse to continue. this behavior is unacceptable. there comes a point, there is too much pressure. wis going on, to thinking DEADNAMING her victims, is acceptable, is unthinkable. why is it okay, for you to target and make fun of your victims religious trauma. their race. their sexuality, gender, and discovery, that they were intersex, and mutilated at birth. telling a latino person, "nazis are coming for them", the DAY trump announced ice squads coming to SCHOOLS and HOSPITALS to deport "illegals".

this is abuse. i do not know, what else to say. i do not know what else to do. the proof is here. i have given everything. it is their turn. give me proof, that what i am doing is wrong, that letting victims have a voice is wrong. wis, salem. if you can send me ONE piece of evidence, out of all of your ranting and raving, over a rape victim. i will stop. but you do not have anything. and you will just continue to lie.

you do not want the truth. you want silence.

[managone16]

James always thought he was too much. Too loud, too obnoxious, too egoistic. Of course people told him this, although mostly joking, James would sometimes feel that way. He would always think he was too much.

Everyone thought Regulus was quiet. Timid, weak, cowardly. But that is wrong. Because Regulus knows he was someone who's hard to handle, his sarcasm and mean quips that he uses as a shield can feel like too much sometimes. They think he means it. They think he's far too abrasive for social standards.

When they got to know each other, like truly know each other, they both realised just how much the other could be. They both realised that the other was just as deep as themselves, in different ways but too much nevertheless.

Maybe that's why they're perfect for each other.

[lucabyte]

transfem loop + siffrin... you agree

i does agree.... i does in fact ... write a 7k word essay on the subject..... if you would like to perhaps click that link and read it if you were not already aware...... kisses u on the forehead......... sorry its that long but i had to cover all of my bases you know how it is with textual analysis when you're trying to draw a distinction between "headcanon" and "reading of the text" because those are different things.... to meeeeeeee.......

[mejomonster]

i'm stressed for the day the govt decides to make pronouns illegal, by which the law will actually be implemented as "if someone decides you don't look like the gender THEY think you are, you will be charged with a crime"

and how in some workplaces like mine, where people show their preferred pronouns in work emails, that'll result in many people with digital email trails that could get them arrested (which of course means trans people in the workplace get charged, people who look cis and use he/him and she/her in their emails to be supportive probably will just be told to stop putting it in their emails)

and like. i know i probably can't do anything, except maybe stay in the closet. i know the workplace is not guaranteed to fucking warn their employees to maybe remove the digital proof of their pronouns if there's a law at risk of existing soon. and i know people's gender identity is really personal and important to a lot of people, including cis people. But i kind of wish there was a widespread trend in these workplace situations of EVERY (or at least a majority) of cis people putting "they/them/their" in their email signatures. The cis people (particularly those who look very gender conforming) will be the ones in the least danger of being charged with a crime. They are at very low risk of being charged with a crime, so they're the perfect people to break the law by saying their preferred pronouns are "they/them" and then taking the law to court if such a law restricting preferred pronouns passes. And if a trans employee is charged with a crime, the cis employees all using they/them can say their trans coworker is only doing EXACTLY THE SAME THING ALL THESE CIS PEOPLE ARE (using a pronoun someone thinks doesn't align with the gender they're assumed to be), and then saying either ALL employees need to be charged with a crime (which can then go to court) or none of them should be. Yeah that would require solidarity... I know I can't convince a bunch of cis people to start putting "they" as a pronoun in their emails (or some other pronoun that would result in them breaking the same 'preferred pronoun' type of law like "ze/zim"). But god, I wish I could.

I think about this because in the last few years, my state tried to make a law against using preferred pronouns in schools and government jobs (you know... which likely won't charge any cis person using the pronouns that match their gender even though that's a preferred pronoun too). And now that my state govt is a majority republican, they'll probably try to pass it again. I worry about all my coworkers with massive email trails, because they were TOLD to tell people their preferred pronouns, because the workplace said it would respect them, but I doubt the workplace will Protect them if it's no longer legal. My workplace had the shittiest answer when I raised my concerns, they said "don't worry about it until it happens"... once it happens, a bunch of trans people will be breaking the law by existing, and they will not have had the chance to protect themselves in advance (and their workplace will have done nothing in advance to protect them - such as warn them not to leave proof of their preferred identity after X date, and promising the workplace won't consider any pronouns said before X date to be breaking the law as far as reporting goes).

[p2ii]

haunted by the atlas/astro sibling relationship that only exists in my head

[the-random-factor]

I've actually never stopped thinking about this since I finished watching the show

We talk about it a lot, but I don't think we talk about the terrifying canon fact that post amphibia Anne is living in a body that is entirely new enough. Yeah, it's an exact copy that her consciousness has been uploaded into, but there is no way that it's exactly the same. Even if it is, she has to live with the knowledge that the body she has is not the body she spent the first 13 years of her life in. The guardian actually ruined her life by telling her, because thats all she's going to think about forever. She's living in a body that has never been to wartwood. That has never hugged sprig or held his hand other than the very short period in between her revival and going back to earth. In Bessie and microangelo, she canonically says that she's finally happy with who she is and doesn't want a makeover because she just wants to see the same her in the mirror. And now, even though it's an exact physical copy, she will never see that same version of herself ever again.

[steveyockey]

To be aware you might be trans but unwilling to do anything about it is to create endlessly bigger boxes within which to contain yourself. When you are a child, that box might encompass only yourself and your parents. By the time you are a gainfully employed adult, that box will contain multitudes, and the thought of disrupting it will grow ever more unthinkable. So you cease to think of yourself as a person on some level; you think not of what you want but what everybody expects from you. You do your best not to make waves, and you apologize, if only implicitly, for existing. You stop being real and start being a construct, and eventually, you decide the construct is just who you are, and you swaddle yourself up in it, and maybe you die there. There is still time until there isn’t.

This reading of TV Glow’s deliberately anticlimactic, noncathartic ending cuts against the transition narrative you typically see in movies and TV, in which a trans person self-accepts, transitions, and lives a happier life. Owen gets trapped in a space where he knows what he must do to live an authentic life but simply refuses to take those steps because, well, burying yourself alive is a terrifying thing to do. The transition narrative posits a trans existence as, effectively, a binary switch between “man” and “woman” that gets flipped one way or another, but to make our lives so binary is to miss how trans existences possess an inherent liminality.

Humans’ lives unfold in a constant state of becoming until death, but trans people are uniquely keyed in to what this means thanks to the simple fact of our identities. You can get lost in that liminality, too, forever trapped in a midnight realm of your own making, stuck between what you believe is true (I am a nice man with a good family and a good job, and I love my life) and what you know, deep in your most terrified heart of hearts, is real (I am a girl suffocating in a box).

And yet if you want to read the film as being about the dangerous allure of nostalgia, you’re not wrong. I Saw the TV Glow totally supports that interpretation, too! But in tempting you with that reading, the film creates a trap for cis viewers that will be all too familiar to trans viewers. Somewhere in the middle of Maddy’s story about The Pink Opaque being real, you will make a choice between “This kid has lost it!” and “No. Go with her, Owen,” and in asking you to make that choice, TV Glow is simulating the act of self-accepting a trans identity.

See, the grimmer read of the film’s ending truly is a nihilistic one. It leaves no hope, no potential for growth, no exit. Yet you must actively choose to read that ending as nihilistic. If you are cis and the end of I Saw the TV Glow left you with a gnawing sense of dissatisfaction, a weird but hard-to-pin-down feeling that something had broken, and a melancholy bordering on horror — congratulations, this movie gave you contact-high gender dysphoria.

In an infinite number of possible universes, there is at least one where I am still living “as a man,” embracing my fictionality, avoiding looking at how much more raw and real I feel when I “pretend” to be a woman. I think about that guy sometimes. I hope he’s okay.

Consider, then, my cis reader, that TV Glow is for both you and me, but it is maybe most of all for him. I hope he sees it. I hope he breaks down crying in the bathroom afterward. I hope he, after so many years locked inside himself, hears the promise of more life through the hiss of TV static.

Emily St. James, “I Saw the TV Glow’s Ending Is Full of Hope, If You Want It to Be,” Vulture. June 4, 2024.

[isuggestforcefem]

What I'm about to say is going to sound absolutely fucking insane but I need someone to hear me out on this one and unfortunately you are that person. Delete this if you want but I need someone to know what was revealed to me via divine intervention. This is gonna be a long one

I, as a cis boy, think the optimal strategy is to transition into a femme-presenting trans man or a lesboy or whatever you want to call it.

Now, you may be thinking, "what the fuck????" That's fair. I'm gonna try and break it down for you anyway.

I don't see anything wrong with being a boy. I'm fine as it is. However, I think being a girl could potentially be neat. So I transition into a girl, get estrogen and bottom surgery and whatnot, and bada-bing, bada-boom.

However, I can already convincingly pass as a girl. My voice is pretty androgynous and I have what some would consider a feminine build. Narrow shoulders, long hair, the works. I could still easily go by he/him even if I took estrogen because I'm already pretty androgynous.

"Why transition in the first place?" you might be asking, and I have a very simple reason for this. I want to be a lesbian. I literally cannot picture myself to be intimate with a woman as a man, and I've learned a lot about dating women from the best: lesbians. I want to follow in their footsteps and idolize women in sapphic doodles like the many lesbians before me. I also think I'm overdue for a much-needed hardware update.

Now, why would I still want to pass as a man? Well, as much as I love boobs, I don't think they suit me. Maybe a little bit, but I don't want em too big, y'know? It would also make most social interactions unchanged. I'm still just some guy. I like that energy about me. Also I got some pretty conservative family members. As long as they aren't trying to pull down my pants, I'd still be the same person to them. I'd still be the same person to me, too. I also wouldn't have to change clothes. I already wear what some might mistake for a dysphoria hoodie because it's a pretty thick and large jacket. But I am not giving up those pockets for shit. Also I don't think my skull shape passes too well? It kinda does but in an uncanny valley kinda way. My face can pass but I'm not 100% on the skull.

And, even if I transition, I can still be forcefemmed, but now with so many different layers. I'd still have that femmable egg energy. I could make the detrans kink gender-affirming. I'm still a boymoding trans girl, which is like one of the prime targets from what I've gathered (mainly from this blog). There's so many layers to it, so many things that could be done. I'm starting to think this section is a little too horny for this blog. I can't really tell.

I have contemplated this for roughly six hours and this is what I have. This solution satisfies all the conflicting ideals I have about being trans. I don't think it'd fix transphobia or anything, but I'd probably end up meeting one bigot who thinks I'm trans anyway so I might as well, eh?

Well, I guess I do still have a few problems, such as actually having to care about my looks, the expenses, shaving, ect. But other than that I'd say it's pretty airtight. This might be the new meta

Eggs are inventing new ways to be eggs in my dms I see

[narutocharacterpolls]

ROUND THREE

UCHIHA SASUKE vs TENTEN

Reasons for submission under the cut

Sasuke

he is trying so hard to do what he is supposed to, even succeeding at it, only for everything to be a lie

he's authentic and driven and he doesn't care what other people think, if he believes something he will go ahead and do it, unafraid of paying the price

Sasuke was right about everything

he went through so much and never gave up, it's very inspiring and means a lot

Fortnite Sasuke

despite everything he can't help but love

his relationship with Itachi is one of the most heartbreaking and beautiful sibling relationships, genocide aside it's very relatable

he looks just like Mikoto.....

he's beautiful!

he has so much compassion for others and will do what he can for them, but still does not compromise his own beliefs and goals to do so

he's so personal to [submitter] and has been the sole reason of making it through hard times

love is stored in the Sasuke

true heroine or the Naruto series

all his outfits slay

the whole manga wouldn't even exist if it weren't for him

kind, compassionate, driven by love, fucking iconic

trans masc icon and legend

the revolutionnnn

he is an emo icon

a communist

a transgay legend

[submitters] family is generationally effected by genocide so Sasukes justice means the world to [submitter]. Sasukes love means EVERYTHING to [submitter]

he is full of love

very strong

excellent gay representation

owner of the worlds most special eyes

the most relatable Naruto character

a snarky lil bitch :)

he went thru so much & gets too much hate for someone who only wanted revenge for his murdered clan

cat boy

femme fatale

kept going despite all the trauma he went through

flawless observation skills

analytical, intelligent

never let anyone push him around or manipulate him

full of love and kindness

pacifist at heart (refuses to kill innocents)

sought to destroy Konoha

serves cunt in all his outfits

friend of animals

killed Orochimaru because he felt like it

Tenten

her main jutsu is just throw so many knives at you and I respect that

her weapons mastery/sealing jutsu had so much potential and it never got the treatment it deserved

team Gai supremacy

[ohnopeh]

me trying to find the words to explain how important ian's reaction to mickey getting married is cause!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

once he finds out about it he compares himself to her. asks mandy if mickey loves her, if she's pretty, asks how she is as a person and even get blown by her thinking she maybe is better at sex than ian.

he's scared terry managed to ''fuck the gay out of him'' and wants to know if he's forced to marry her.

ian won't go to school, leave the bed and stop thinking about it. every time ian has felt any sort of deep emotions in a relationship has only been with mickey.

he ran away because mickey got married.

whe was so ashamed of going to the psych ward thinking mickey would be put off by it.

was miserable whilst saying ''this might be the end with mickey.'' to his family

held onto mickey's hand when he showed up at night and could finally rest.

its no wonder ian decided to break up with him, he loved him too much and wanted mickey to be free.

when ian broke up with caleb he was mostly focused on being mad for being cheated on and questioned about his sexuality

he got with trevor cause he was being pushed to by trevor himself with his ''you're scared cause im trans'' and being judged for his lack of lgbtq+ knowledge. when he cheated on trevor and came back, he only did so that he could distract himself from leaving mickey behind once again. he only used trevor for sex as a way of coping. ive never seen ian being heartbroken by trevor not wanting him back to the point of not leaving his bed.

he didn't care about worrying trevor with his bipolar and trevor didn't really care to check if ian's med were working or not. but with mickey? he was scared of getting married cause he didn't want mickey to be stuck with ian's illness,

during their marrige he tried so hard to make his and mickey's life better and accepted with fondness mickey's worries about potentially being triggered

they're soulmates

[prapaiwife]

If the thame po episode 10 made u mad then that's a good thing it's supposed to be infuriating that in this year 2025 this behavior is still happening. I've seen some say this is overdone but it's not this conversation will always be had over and over cause it's not simply reaching some ppl at all which is sad truly. Alot of "fans" intrude into these idols lives and make speculations on speculations about them over every little thing on who they're dating or seeing potentially! Just spreading misinformation even going as far to prove their sexuality is actually this when it's not the other which is another conversation to unpack. Fern is a grown woman working her own job who has this love for Mars running their fanclub and her reaction didn't shock me one bit. The way they handled that scene with her and po had alot of compassion to hear her out to an extent! Cause someone watching this who can relate to her or a her can not be so quick to be argumentative and defensive. And fern isn't even on the extreme side of what we typically see from "fans" it just goes to show it effects everyone which we all know. Also the company or companies are also the ones working behind the scenes of it all and will manipulate and plant stories to derial us. That is very important not everything is the idol the lables move in secret and use the fans even. But to end this william went Iive yesterday on his bday and said this to end the live and i think we all need to hear it even if u already know it, it doesn't hurt.

"i just want to wish everyone lots of happiness. no matter what happens, don’t stress too much. i just want everyone to love me. if you love me, i want you to love the people around me too. i want you to love a lot. i want you to love everyone. whoever i love, i want everyone to love them too. this is a request from a kid who just turned 20"

Trans

[thyfleshc0nsumed]

Much has already been said by other transfeminists on the "they hate us all equally" idea that many TME trans people fall back on when trans women speak on the specific ways in which we are targeted, and within the last few days, I've received a number of messages similar to this:

Frankly, I'm not even sure what has spurred this on--and this is the least aggressive and most direct of them--but many of them are not just the standard affair of transmisogynistic slurs and threats, rather they are posed as a defense of not just women, but trans men as well.

I don't believe that it is trans men or transmasculine people sending me these--though of course I could be wrong--so why do they highlight trans men within these messages?

The answer to me is obvious: within the trans man, the transmisogynist sees (correctly) the potential of an ally to their ends. Does the average radicalized transmisogynist look highly upon trans men and treat them with love and respect? I do not think so; these people are driven by disgust and indignation and view transsexuality and self-determination of gender and sex as degenerate, after all.

But motivated reactionaries know, if not understand, the mechanisms through which systems of power operate. For an ideology to be made manifest or maintain its reign, it does not require large segments of a population to be committed ideologues; that segment only needs to be amenable to the ideology and closed off from opposition.

So, while the radicalized transmisogynist is also a general transphobe, they know well that there exists stratification within their out-group and will happily incorporate sub-groups they also see as impure if it benefits their fundamental goal more than it damages it.

I think about early developments of whiteness. Did the 17th century propertied English of Virginia view their European-descended underclass as equals? Of course not. But when it became clear that material solidarity between the European underclass and Black slaves threatened their minority rule and their monopoly over expansion further into Siouan and Algonquin land, the propertied minority identified the essential components of their rule (chattel slavery and displacement of Indians) and became willing to grant privileges to the non-English Europeans so long as it solidified that rule. They codified this stratification into law over the course of the century. The European underclass, though still an underclass, now had a stake in this system. The propertied English had to give something up, but in exchange, they received new allies that allowed their fundamental aims and methods to remain unchanged.

So yes, perhaps the radicalized transmisogynist views the trans man as degenerate, but they understand that trans men have a stake in keeping trans women below them--denying this stratification helps uphold it.

Men who refuse to acknowledge that patriarchy exists still benefit from it and further its existence, regardless of whatever marginalizations they may face. Does patriarchy harm men too? Supposedly so, but only really in some psychic, damage-to-the-soul sort of way. The fundamentals of patriarchy is the positioning of women below men, even within a shared oppression. So to the transmisogynist, an allyship with trans men does not harm their essential aim: running trans women off of the earth.

[zipper-neck]

Trans Rules of Engagement

By Florence Ashley

Strong communities make us all safer. As anti-trans movements gain in power and influence, holding space for each other through our flaws remains critical. Yet the very conditions that create our need for community care make it hard for us to care for each other. We are raw, wounded, traumatized, and hypervigilant. We make mistakes brought on by fear and hurt. We lash out at each other when we do wrong, often partaking in pile-ons facilitated by the synchronous nature of online interactions. Whether we realize it or not, we often exclude trans people from community when they need it most.

I have lost count of the number of trans people I have seen cast out of online trans spaces for misdeeds both major and minor—far too often with my help. I sometimes find myself wondering where they are now and whether they are still alive. Because, as Kai Cheng Thom has taught us, social death often means real death for trans people. Trans communities are life-sustaining in a world that hates us so, so much. In a world that wants us dead. We have lost too many people not to stop and think about how we can foster life among each other.

This goal I have for myself—that of fostering life—motivates the following principles and rules for engaging in online intra-community conflicts while preserving the life-sustaining spirit of our communities. Countless times have I failed to heed these principles and ignored these rules. This failure, which many of us share, is precisely why I now want to lay these principles and rules down on paper. If only as a reminder of my aspirations. The principles and rules are meant to be adopted for oneself, not imposed onto others. Their purpose is to foster productive engagement, not create even more conflict and rigidity. I hope that this will be a living document, and invite you to make your own version if you would like. Borrow what is useful, supplement with what is needed, alter what can be improved.

Some, and perhaps all, of the principles I acknowledge are false, hence the need for a living document. Each of my suggested rules have exceptions. In setting them out, I am staking a claim as to the sort of myths and half-truths that are necessary to sustain life in a world that wants us dead. We must treat them as true if we wish to foster life-sustaining communities and survive the hellscape we belabor.

Principles

1. We are all flawed, traumatized humans at the end of their rope. Many of our actions say more about the conditions we live under than who we are as people.

2. No one is disposable. No one is unsalvageable.

3. Life holds greater value than being right or comfortable. Hurt is preferable to death.

4. No one should be deprived of community.

5. Harm does not require further harm. Punishment does not equate protection or healing.

Rules

1. Do not depart from these rules, unless you have to.

2. Morgan M. Page’s Rule: Try to avoid criticizing other trans people in public. The world does it enough already.

3. Favor in person or private conversations: Addressing someone’s comments or actions in person or privately is typically more constructive and effective. It allows you to communicate more cogently and with more nuance problems in someone’s actions or words and because it is less likely to make them react defensively from a place of trauma or fear.

4. Take your time: Few things require an immediate response. Responding while caught in a surge of thoughts and feelings is often unproductive. Ask yourself how much harm was done, versus how much we are reminded of an earlier harm. Ask whether your response is rooted in misperception or potential biases towards the person due to race, disability, gender, or other marginalized identities. Consider whether their words or actions reflect a different kind of thinking or communication style, a lack of access to education, or limited access to progressive communities and norms. You can respond tomorrow, once you have collected your thoughts, talked to others, and gained perspective.

5. Don’t mob: Be aware of group dynamics. Ask yourself if you are connected to this person and in community with them. Avoid jumping into the fray when others are already criticizing the person. Do not invite others to join in and mob them. Withdraw if others join in, and kindly ask people to stay conscious of mobbing dynamics. Mobbing rapidly grows out of proportion.

6. De-escalate: Focus on de-escalating conflicts. Ask what people mean or want, and why. Ask them for clarification or elaboration if needed. Ask yourself if you know enough about the context of the situation. Distinguish the action from the person, and acknowledge that it is normal to respond defensively or aggressively to public criticism and mobbing. People are traumatized, mentally ill, and are scared of losing the little social support they have. As a result, conflict can trigger a fight-or-flight response in both those who are criticized and who criticize, which leads to escalating conflict and ends in a loss of community. Dropping the conversation to return at a later date is preferable to escalation. Often, I find it best to limit myself to three replies in conversations that aren’t constructive.

7. Respond proportionately: Responses to words and behaviours should be proportionate to their harm, and reflect a need for healing and protection rather than punishment. When we speak from a place of hurt, we can understandably but unfortunately forget the measure and impact of our response. Use language that reflects the nuances and gradations of harm rather than a coarse good and evil binary. Cutting all social support and community banishment are rarely a proportionate response, even for someone who doubles down and does not apologize. Responding proportionately is asking first and foremost what response sustains rather than dissolves life. Especially when it comes to words, it is better to under-react than to over-react.

8. Ensure support for everyone: Check in on those who are criticized and those who criticize them. Remind people that we are all in this together, and that banishment is not how we work as a community. Everyone deserves to have their needs met. Do not shun or reproach people who offer support to those who were criticized or called out. Distinguish supporting a person from enabling their behavior.

9. Hold space for people to grow: Allow space for people to be accountable, change, and move on from previous conflicts. Do not hold past behavior over people’s head, nor dig up past misdeeds to fuel present conflicts.

10. Resolve conflict and harm as a community: We must ask how our communities enable and cause hurt and harm, and find ways to transform the conditions that create them. Holding accountable, problem-solving, and conflict resolution are functions that should be taken up by the collective, not isolated and unsupported individuals.

11. Center those most hurt or harmed: Focus on supporting and empowering people who are hurt and harmed rather than on punishment. Ask what they need to be safe and integrated in our communities, while committing to support for everyone; what they need to repair their relationship to the person who hurt or harmed them. Focus your involvement on bringing people together, fostering dialogue and mutual understanding, and restoring a sense of community togetherness, rather than deciding who is right or wrong.♦

[honeyhotteoks]

Hi ^^ I know you don't do requests but idk if this qualifies as one, so feel free not to answer this if you don't want to BUT:

Since you put so much thought into analyzing ATEEZ when you write your fics, would you mind giving a brief rundown of where you think they fall on the dom/switch/sub spectrum?

omg great question and i do not mind at all!! thank you for asking~

thoughts on this can be found under the cut, but a little disclaimer at the top — i am only providing my headcanons, that doesn’t mean i’m right or that your interpretation of one of the members as something else is incorrect. i would say this mostly informs how i think they probably are and how i write their characters in my fic, but it definitely is just me playing around in the imagination sandbox please don’t take offense!

also when we talk dorm/sub/switch, i want to be clear that as someone familiar with actual bdsm dynamics, these terms are thrown around pretty liberally and far too often. by that i mean, someone who’s a little bossy during sex doesn’t automatically equal a ‘dom’ in the proper sense and may not be comfortable with that term. however, for the fun purposes of my fic and this ask, we’re going to explore theses terms with the idea that the members could have the potential for it, not necessarily that this is what they are actively doing / engaging in.

alright…… hard thoughts below for each member including headcanon, kink list, and what pet names you call him/he calls you. i’ll happily dive into more into any of the thoughts below, feel free to send me an ask.

one last note - i use the terms man, woman, fem presenting, masc presenting, etc. but i want to be clear i try to be very trans inclusive and queer inclusive in general. while i write the boys always in a relationship with a fem presenting reader because i am a cis woman, that does not mean i am saying they as individuals are heterosexual and only attracted to cis women. i have no idea, this is fiction, and i’d never presume their actual real life sexuality so strongly. however, i am more comfortable writing from my perspective, so if you see that in my work or in my headcanons below please understand it’s not to be exclusionary i’m probably just navel gazing a bit too much. in the pet names section i do stick to things like ‘good girl’ etc. that may imply sexuality but that’s mostly as a representation of my own writing canon.

hongjoong - switch, leaning dominant;

hongjoong to me is such a switch, but i think he takes naturally towards the dominant role. i think a lot of people mistake his demon line stage presence for like…. crazy hard dom though and i could not disagree more. i think he’s actually more the type to switch up based on his partner’s needs and wants, but most often and most comfortably fills a dom role. however, in this dom role i see him far more as a service dom or soft dom, i don’t think with what we know about hongjoong as a person and how he interacts with the world around him he would be much of a hard dom that actually wanted to inflict hard rules or even dip into sadism. the most i could see is when his partner is being bratty or when he’s playfully jealous he would spank a bit or use teasing words to get his partner to say something in response. i think all in all, he’s the type to want to make his partner feel good, but he enjoys being in control and would want to give his partner instructions as a natural leader in that way. he could give up control to the right person, but i just think that’s a little less natural for him.

kinks -> brat taming, praise and degradation used interchangeably, overstimulation, voyeurism, voice kink, guided masturbation, toys toys toys, exhibitionism (he’s putting the lush in you at dinner that’s all i’m saying)

call him -> baby, joong, sir (playfully, less strict), daddy (to tease him he’ll tell you to stop but you can see he kind of likes it)

calls you -> darling, baby, honey, love, gorgeous

seonghwa - switch, gender dependent;

seonghwa is so interesting to me because i feel like his potential suits the whole spectrum. i have written him many different ways and see him many different ways, and so often it feels right, he’s a true chameleon. that’s why i think he is a switch, but i’m saying gender dependent because i think he likely takes more naturally to one direction depending on the gender presentation of the partner he is with. no hard and fast rules here, obviously everyone is unique, but as a general rule i’d say that with women/fem presenting people he skews more dominant, and with men/masc presenting people he skews more submissive. that being said, exceptions exist and i could see him going either way on that sliding scale dependent on partner. i would say for submisssive he would be the type to service, begging to pleasure his partner and enjoying the total submission of that headspace, potentially even enjoying some elements of restraint or pain on himself. for his dominant side, i think out of anyone in ateez he has the true potential for hard dom sadist, though that would require a partner to match him in intensity. i think he would excel in role playing and slipping into a true dominant persona, controlling his submissive entirely (within the bedroom and perhaps a little outside it), and would be able to manage the intense dynamics of sadomasochism well from delivering pain to exploring limits to very tender aftercare.

kinks -> sadomasochism, impact play, breath play, sensory deprivation (blindfolds, headphones), restraints (of all kinds), guided masturbation/instruction, rough sex, throat fucking, breeding, lactation, heels, exhibitionism, voyeurism

call him -> baby, hwa, love, sir or master (for hard scenes), daddy/mommy (roleplay scenes specifically)

calls you -> jagiya, darling, love, angel, sweet girl, good girl, my baby, my babygirl, pretty thing, pet (for hard scenes), mommy (when he’s subbing or when he’s playing into breeding kink as a dom)

yunho - dominant, soft dom with hard dom potential;

first of all, this man is my ult bias and i could write a novel about this, i’m trying to restrain myself. if anyone wants unfettered yunho thoughts lmk…… but truly, and i will die on this hill, while the sub yunho agenda is cute i just do not buy it. this man is 100% dominant, it’s just a question of where he falls on that dominance scale. i think there’s a lot of evidence for this that i can get into in a separate post, but my headcanon is that he’s a classic soft dom at least as a baseline. he’s the kind of dom who considers himself a guiding hand to his submissive. he’s caring, thoughtful, always anticipating needs and clearing the path for his submissive, and in bed that means he’s providing all of the opportunities for his submissive to explore within the safe bounds of his control. however, with the right person i think he has the real potential to reach hard dom levels where he is experimenting with degradation, some amount of pain play (though i do think full sadism is a bit far for him), bondage and control, and playing with pleasure from a denial and overstim angle. he’s also very clearly traditional in many aspects, and while i am not sitting here saying that means he’s sexist (absolutely not) i do think that means he would be turned on by more traditional elements. i.e. his partner in skirts, heels, lingerie, etc. i think with the right partner that also opens up his ability to play with different kinks and dynamics that might fall into that like free use, breeding, etc.

kinks -> rigging/shibari, edging/orgasm denial, pleasure/overstimulation, praise, degradation, breeding and pregnancy, impact play (spanking), restraints (mostly body weight or ropes), free use, fingering (his hands are we fr), if giving head is a kink then consider him a wet pussy enjoyer this man has an oral fixation watch his tongue, omorashi, corruption, breath play, somno, cockwarming, size kink/size training, throat fucking

call him -> yunho, yunnie (when bratting), baby, babe, sir, daddy

calls you -> baby, sweetheart, babygirl, good girl, pretty/pretty girl, pup/puppy (this is self indulgent don’t look at me), all variations with ‘my’ i.e. my pretty girl

yeosang - dominant, pleasure dom/service dom;

yeosang to me is such a sleeper dom. i think he’s hard to read in general, but after years of paying attention to him as i tried to write him, to me he really reads as more of a dominant in a sexual relationship, but definitely from the pleasure/service side of things. i don’t know that he would want to really control aspect’s of his submissive’s life outside the bedroom or perceive himself necessarily to be some kind of guiding figure or punishing figure, but i do think he would relish in giving his submissive pleasure and relief. i think yeosang would want to be the type of partner his submissive could just collapse into at the end of the day and receive whatever kind of care they need. he’s quietly making tea, he’s reminding you to drink your water, he’s easing you into bed with a massage and letting you forget the day as he takes care of you completely. i think in some extremes that leads to him not even really thinking about his own pleasure, he seeks to service his partner and that alone makes him happy. i can see him being the kind of dom who teases a little, but from a kind angle, and just knowing how soft and innocent ateez members perceive him to be, i don’t think there would be much room for meanness or pain with him.

kinks -> edging (cutely), overstimulation / pleasure play, lots of toys with him, guided masturbation / instructions, voyeurism, lingerie, heels, nylons, cockwarming, nipple play, body worship, oral (giving)

call him -> baby, yeosangie/sangie, yeo, sir (when he’s guiding)

calls you -> baby, sweetheart, my love, my girl, honey

san - dominant, soft dom, pleasure lean;

this man is a giver. i cannot express this enough, which is why i added the pleasure lean. i actually think he’s quite similar to yunho in the sense that he’s rather traditional, and within the bounds of at least a het relationship, would take his position as the man of the relationship very seriously. yunho and san both are the types of guys who would spoil their partner, and like being the caretaker, however i think in san’s case he would enjoy the pleasure angle far more than anything else and would not be comfortable with engaging in harder aspects of play with his partner. i truly think if you watch the way he caretakes it’s much softer, and if you listen to the way he speaks about women it’s far more from the angle of protector. my gut says you’d have to convince this man to spank you, so just naturally he falls into the soft dom role of guiding hand plus pleasure dom where he’s focused heavily on delivering pleasure and guiding his submissive through that pleasurable experience. i think he’s the type to set up a really romantic scene - rose petals on the bed, warm bath, champagne, etc. and just worship his partner for hours on end. he of course is going to fuck his partner eventually, but good god does he want to just spend so long touching and massaging and getting every little ounce of pleasure out of them first.

kinks -> body worship, oil/wax, pleasure/overstimulation, breeding, praise, anal, if fingering is a kink he’s got it he wants to see you squirt, cuckholding, voyerism, exhibitionism (light, the thought someone might hear not see necessarily)

call him -> sannie, san, baby, daddy (when the time is right)

calls you -> jagi/jagiya, yeobo (when married), honey, love, darling, sweetheart, my babygirl (casually, cutely), my girl, my wife, etc.

mingi - switch, gender dependent with a sub lean;

mingi… mingi… mingi. this man is such a mystery and yet wears his heart on his sleeve. similar to seonghwa i say he’s a switch but it kind of depends on the gender presentation of his partner. i think you can see this in the ways mingi interacts with the world. with women in general i see him turn on the swagger, and lean at least on the surface a bit more dominant, i could see him slotting into the role of taking the lead quite easily. with men, particularly with yunho though, you can see that he gets much softer, whinier, giggly, and truly has the potential to be submissive. my real guess is that he is a submissive leaning person regardless of gender, but it comes more naturally to him with a man (especially one as obviously dominant as yunho), that being said, with the right female/fem presenting partner, i think he could easily be submissive there too if that partner was properly leading the situation. i could see him being the begging type, pleading with his dominant to service them, and happy to really let himself sink into that headspace. but if he’s with a partner that needs him to step up and take the lead, i think he’d happily do that too which is why i think he’s very switchy.

kinks -> body worship, impact play (spanking specifically), throat fucking (giving and receiving), sensory deprivation, anal, oral (ride his face), lactation, humiliation

call him -> baby, babe, sweet boy, good boy, baby boy, and any variation with “my”, plus we all know princess is in there.

calls you -> babe, cutie, sweetheart (rare, if he’s feeling mega tender), goddess (when subbing), mommy (when super subbing)

wooyoung - true switch;

this man is the switchiest switch i’ve ever seen and i cannot accept anything less. he’s such a brat, but i want to emphasize that i think that means he could be bratty from either the dom or sub position and it’s entirely dependent on his partner. i think wooyoung is the type that bends himself for someone else to be accommodating, and honestly i see a lot of myself in him and vice versa, and we have very similar star charts so stay with me here. i don’t mean that in a negative way of course, but what i think wooyoung excels at is reading people and adjusting to their needs, so i think this would translate into the bedroom too. i think he’s the type to step up and lead if needed but the minute his partner takes a firmer hand he’s letting that shit roll and seeing where it goes. it makes him exceptionally fun to write tbh. i think wooyoung when being more dominant would be the teasing type, making playful fun of his partner while he delivers pleasure, almost goading them into coming. and i think when being submissive he rolls right into whining - the type to beg to come but listen attentively if their partner wanted to edge him. i think would be the perfect match for another switch because they could constantly be dynamic shifting and changing together and really explore so many aspects of themselves that way.

kinks -> oral (giving and receiving and make it messy), impact play (he’ll deliver a little spank but he’ll cum if you slap his cheek), visible cum (i.e. cumming on his partner / marking his partner), marking/claiming bruises and bites, cuckholding, pet play

call him -> baby, babe, wooyoung (but whiny lmao), honey, my boyfriend/fiance/husband (he likes the titles)

calls you -> babe (whiny af), baby, my love (when he’s feeling emo), pretty girl, babygirl, darling (when he’s teasing you), my girl (all the time he’s obsessed)

jongho - dominant, soft dom with hard dom potential;

in the same way that yunho and san read traditional to me, so does jongho. again, not in a problematic way, but in the way that he takes a dominant position in the relationship and seeks a partner who wants that kind of care. while i think all three of them would want a parter who is very dominant/in control in aspects of their career etc., i think being that person’s safe space to give up control is something they all want. so in that way, jongho reads truly dominant to me and is one of the only members of ateez to give the potential for hard dom, again, depending on his partner’s needs. i think he also acts as the guiding hand, he’s traditional in that he likes to pay for things etc., and would ultimately engage in softer aspects of control in the bedroom. however, if his partner really responded well to things like punishment and stricter guidelines, i think he would excel as a hard dom. i can really see him having a partner crawl to him, be waiting submissively on their knees for him, allow him to use them / benefit from actual punishment like counting spanks etc. and so generally i think while he may not need this kind of a relationship, if his partner did he would rise really well to that occasion because it comes more naturally.

kinks -> lingerie, nylons, impact play, breath play, free use, creampies, visible cum (marking with his cum), restraints (silks, cuffs, body weight), sensory deprivation, edging/overstim

call him -> babe, jjong, yeobo (if married), sir (for hard dom play)

calls you -> darling, babygirl, pretty, sweetheart, my love, yeobo, precious girl (during play)

[milessunflowers]

BED CHEM (FRANCO'S VERSION)

bottom!trans!franco colapinto x top!male!reader

synopsis: you love your boyfriend very much, so much that he is literally impossible to resist

author's note: as you can see, in this one franco will be trans, if you want to see a non-trans version of this or a trans version of the others published, you can request them! also, this is suggestive (as were the others, obviously), so if you don't like that kind of stuff, pls do not read.

hes so easily pleased

have him sit on your lap? he'll tease you by grinding against your ass. hold him by the waist? he's whining about going home/hotel room.

honestly anything from you and he's pleased

he loves wearing your clothes too

like your shirt as he's getting fucked by you

idk why but he's obsessed with it

he also loves when you give him small kisses while fucking him like kisses to his cheeks and neck and mouth and anywhere you can reach

and along his top scars, he loves when you kiss along his top scars

if you hold down by his hips as he settles on top of you to ride you he will not stop until he can't feel his legs

like he loves when you help him by holding his hips and kind of guiding him even though he doesn't need help

he loves leaving hickeys on your neck. they aren't big just small little bites that remind you of him everytime you see them in a picture or in the mirror

he loves when you bite him too, just not in an obvious place because williams doesn't need two full on pr disasters

he doesn't like 3somes, at all

like i don't think he would want to share at all

nor would you honestly

you guys discussed it before as a maybe, hypothetical possibility, but to be honest, it's probably never going to happen

like maybe with lando or alex but other than that, it's a no

and even then that's a stretch

he loves giving you bjs or having you fuck him in the car (like that one video where he admitted to fucking/be fucked in a car) but nowhere else where he could potentially be seen

he may be a flirt but he doesn't want people seeing his private events

like hello? that's his man he don't want no one seeing him being fucked by him

he loves when you eat him out then kiss him right after

he finds it so hot and cannot/willnot get enough of it

and like it's the same for you when he gives bjs

loves having a mix between soft and rough bc he doesn't want it slow but he doesn't want it hard enough to get hurt

also loves dirty talk so much

both ways, him dirty talking you, you dirty talking him he's just obsessed

but he also loves praising you because you make him feel so so good

any chance he gets, he's gonna ask you to fuck him/eat him out/if he can give you head

TAGS! (if you want to be added, lmk!)

@op-81-lvr-reblogs, @koalapastries, @justaf1girl, @ghostking4m, @spoonfulofmilo, @seonghwaexile, @alex-wotton