#think it would make good practice… I am lacking in both my pokemon and background drawing skillsets so

[rivalkieran]

thinking about entering the pkmn rp blog sphere

[etraytin]

Quarantine, Day 149

August 7

I've been too busy or distracted for the last few days to properly inundate you all with kitten pictures, but that ends now! You have been warned! Today I had lights and a fully charged phone and the will to use them, so you are going to feel the wrath of this fully armed and operational cat lady. I am also posting this during first dinnertime, so my background music is tiny Katara making improbably loud smacking noises while she eats babycat food mixed with warm water. 

Clockwise from top left: Zuko, Sokka, Katara, Aang

Now that the kittens are debugged and down to about 30% of their original hissiness levels, they are ready for cuddle times. Zuko won the best cuddler award today by actually purring when I picked him up, so he is my current favorite. Sokka needs his nails trimmed very badly, Katara is picking up the hissing slack for her unacceptably trusting brothers, and Aang has finally started using the litterbox but cries when he poops. (This is not uncommon for kittens who are first learning to go unstimulated, but I'm going to keep an eye on him to make sure he's not constipated.)  Four weeks is a very fun age, so this should be a good kitten week, knock on wood. They are all eating well and don't need a bottle, which makes my life way easier. 

Zuko and Aang

Katara still thinks I might be planning on eating her. She is the size of my hand but will go down hissing all the same.

It is just as well that these guys are weaned because the MPRE snuck right up on me. I started studying a couple weeks ago, but there's always so much to do. BARBRI's MPRE study program is funny because it's basically a taste test of their bar review program for the 2L students who typically sit for the MPRE. It's set up exactly like the bar review course, but where the typical bar review lecture is 2-3 hours, these lectures are about 15-20 minutes and each one covers a discrete subtopic of professional responsibility. Altogether, they are maybe just a little bit longer than the professional responsibility lecture I listened to for the bar review back in February. (Many states do not include PR on their bar exam at all because of the MPRE, but Virginia has more testable subjects than any other state and throws that one in as well, so I got a module on it.) In any case, I have been listening to these little bite sized lectures and doing the learning questions, then looking at the outline, then moving on. I plan to have all the modules done by tomorrow, then spend the weekend doing the three practice tests, sixty questions each. All three practice tests together are not as long as the bar exam practice test! I keep reminding myself that even though the subject matter is limited and I've covered the material many times before, I have to take it seriously. It would be both inconvenient and extremely embarrassing to pass the bar exam and fail the fucking MPRE at this late date. I'm also going to have to take at least one of those practice tests with a mask on, bleah. 

Ha, I have successfully tricked the kittens out of sleeping in their yucky litterbox (they are too young for nice clumping litter because they might eat it) by offering them a decoy litterbox with a towel in it. Cats do love boxes! 

(Sokka is behind the box, he is so fuzzy I cannot get him in focus for a solo picture.)

The kiddo and I went to the library today for the first time since March! It only opened on Wednesday and there were very few people there, but they'd arranged it so there's lots of open space and a counter right by the front where a friendly guy offered us hand sanitizer and reminded us about social distance. We were finally able to turn in March's library books, which had fine amnesty thank God, and snagged some new stuff. I wasn't feeling creative so I took advantage of the lack of patrons to snag a couple of newer Nora Roberts books, the kind that are usually hard to get hold of. I read a funny meme the other day of "2020 As Described by Nora Roberts Books" that showed Happily Ever After for January, Storm Warning for February, and then seven copies of Shelter In Place for March through August. The kiddo got a couple of graphic novels and also picked out two books with no pictures at all after I promised I'd get him a magnifying glass if he wanted it. Kiddo is farsighted and has glasses to read, but he may need a new prescription. I should get on that. 

Okay, knowing myself as I do, I took a brief break there to order some cheap little sheet magnifiers off Amazon because I try to keep my promises. It is hard when you are very forgetful, but I try! Not too much else to report today, oh, except I went into my primary doctor's office for the first time in many months. It was for a heat rash, of all things, but I just couldn't get it to go away! I could probably have done it online, but when it's a rash it's kind of easier to just go in there than to try and find the right light and the phone with the best camera, and this way I don't have a lot of weird pictures of my armpit for posterity. She gave me a steroid cream prescription and it is starting to feel better already. 

While I was getting the prescription filled, I got way, way too excited about the electronics clearance at Rite Aid and bought fifty dollars worth of stuff. (By Rite Aid's calculation it was 200 dollars worth of stuff because I spent 50 and saved 150, but you know how their prices are.) In any case, I got two wall chargers and a car charger, two sets of earbuds, a stereo headset with microphone  for virtual school, and the piece de resistance, a waterproof Bluetooth speaker that also has a multicolored light display. The kiddo is in love already and I hope it encourages him to more frequent showering. My 50 also bought me some melatonin gummies, some multivitamin gummies, a bag of chocolate snacky stuff, and two packs of Magic: the Gathering decks that the kiddo was distinctly underwhelmed by. He likes Pokemon cards so much despite not having the first idea how to play, I thought these might be good too. I'll set them aside in case he gets interested later. I am pretty sure that four dollars apiece is not bad for 60 card decks, even if they are planeswalker themed. Anyway it was a nice haul and now I can stop bitching at everyone and no-one every time I can't find a wall charger to plug into. A small price to pay for peace of mind! (And the cream itself cost $2.19, so at least I can feel a little good about our truly exorbitant health insurance this week.) 

Who wouldn’t believe this guy can save the world? 

[occasionalmagicandcurses]

its been about 10 years

But I’m back. I did therapy for a year and honestly all it got me was agitated. I remember the days of yore when I would sit on my tumblr home page, refreshing constantly and making new friends through whatever current horrible experience I could put to words in my life at the time. Whether it was the milso shit I was on (he was a cheater, and I was just a girlfriend), or the love for pokemon or anime, I always made a friend. I’m still friends with so many of them to this day. I’d skip whatever homework I had to do and meticulously pick at the code for my theme, calling to the days even further back of myspace and (dare I say it...) xanga. I learned about my internet etiquette through here. I paid way too much attention to the rules and regulations, even dipping my toes in some internet drama. I was an early witness to the birth of “cancel culture.” It was here that I developed my dreams and material aspirations for the future.

And 10 years has flown by. I’ve got two degrees, a staggering amount of debt, a few more earth shattering relationships, and 1 cross country move to show for it.

They say that no matter where you go, you are there. Whoever they are, they’re right. And it is draining to have to carry myself around everywhere. I can never seem to be completely upright. My anxiety says “gnaw on your fingers until they bleed” or “buy one more pair of shoes” or “shake your leg until even your dog looks at you funny” in an attempt to mitigate some of the pressure in my jaw. My depression follows up with the gambit of “you have no self control” or “no one will want you” or “just hold off on eating, it’s not going to do anything for you.”

I turned 30 years old 3 weeks. Feels the same as 29, except now 40 is 10 years around the corner, instead of 11. None the less terrifying or grim. I have an awful spending problem, undoubtedly an overcorrection from my poverty-stricken childhood. Ever seen cheese that doesn’t melt? I learned how to count from the monopoly money-esque appearance of food stamps. My mom would make it a game. I found it fun until we started having to leave baskets of food at the register because something was wrong. 

Trauma, its delicious, I swear. We bounced from home to home, changing schools by the semester and allowing my brain to continue to develop on its fucked up axis. I struggled to make friends and struggled even harder to want to try. I knew it would all blow up anyway. I told the most elaborate lies to hide my home life. I’d say my grandmother was a doctor, and I’d hide that I couldn’t afford breakfast at school by saying I was trying to lose weight, or not have a full stomach for band practice later in the day. 

I got on the overcompensation train pretty early. I finally got tired of my mom’s repetitive failures and walked out of the door at 17. I never lived with my mom again. I never want to be like her. To be 53 and living paycheck to paycheck with two kids I never wanted and still can’t parent correctly? Count me out. 

I burned through college and graduate school. I have a career I am pretty kickass at. I love what I do. 

I decided to change directions (and time zones) about 3 months ago. When I say I was bored, I was b o r e d. Professionally, I felt stuck. I had a job I was good at, but didn’t want to move up in. It was lacking the spark that made me love my field to begin with. I was living in a city I’d been in for the past 20 years. I was a year past the breakup from a relationship that literally and mentally broke me in two. Absolutely devastated me. I sometimes cry for that life on occasion. It was pure misery and happiness that I don’t think I’ll ever experience again. I still feel I’m not worthy of one or the other. There’s always a price. Both, or it isn’t real. Comparison (and infidelity) were the thieves there. My unbridled anger too.

I packed up my car and my dogs and took the mom that told me she would have had a great military career if it weren’t for me and drove halfway across the country. I flew her back home a week later, and not a minute sooner. Being in close quarters with her always stews a rage that turns me into not the daughter that’s pushed for 25 years for her to be a mom, but the daughter that hates the mother she never had. I drove the entire trip and never really could quantify why I wanted her to come, except to say it might have been a latch ditch effort of the little girl that wanted a parent. I could have done it by myself, and I probably should have. 

Getting away has been amazing. I haven’t worked in almost a month and this was the break I didn’t know I needed. I saved up some, but obviously not enough, and now I get to pay the piper in a few weeks. I’m doing stupid things like riding my tax refund and the bonus for the job that I over performed at for 3 years to pull me through. I already got another job but good lord the background check has been sucking the life out of me. I am not a murderer, but I guess they need to figure that out for themselves. I’m slightly nervous for this job. My family and friends think I’m working now, but I am enjoying doing whatever the fuck I want. I blew off the job I got that motivated me to come out here because of the lack of money and transparency. 

Then I made the absolute mistake of swiping on tinder. I’m not sure what I get out of doing it, aside from fleeting attention from guys who like to talk about their sex drive, but I did it anyway. I’m not ready for a relationship, and I know it. So I’m forcing it with this guy who works too much and looks 10 years older than he actually is because of it. He smells nice though. I sold him to my gf’s as “he’s great!” and he is. Just not for me. I’ve only had sex with him once because I’m honestly not all that attracted to him. His fingers are chubby, but he’s not fat. I don’t like how he touches me, and I wish he was more dominant. Not in a “smack me around” type of way, but a “hey I wanna do this thing and I’m gonna show you and not really leave it to discussion” kinda way. He could make a great friend, so I’m probably going to go ahead and nip that sooner rather than later.

I think I want attention, but I don’t. I honestly just want to mind my business and start the process of fixing all of my fucking problems. And actually finish. 

[moonwitch-grimoire]

Thursday December 21st 2017, Yule & Winter Solstice

Final day of Sagittarius, 6:39 pm, Waxing Crescent Moon

Today’s Post includes:

Yule traditions

old gods vs monotheistic gods

balance of dark and light

wheel of the year

some Yule stuff to do

Blessed Yule and Happy Holidays, brothers, sisters, and angels on earth!

As avowed, today shall begin my chronicles, logging magic knowledge and my personal activities. Where possible i will provide resources, and a lot of my information can be found elsewhere on my blog in other posts! 

As usual I didn’t wake up into 4:20, which is a lit more distressing than it is funny, actually, and since I’m lazy, i ordered a pizza and watched the latter half of a Thor movie, WHICH got me thinking about winter and it’s gods! 

History Time:

As I’m sure many, but probably not all, of you know, Yule and Christmas and Hanukkah all contend for time in December (though i don’t see why we can’t all just get along) But they all used to be during different times! Yule used to be in mid January, Christmas was late spring, and....i actually don’t know about Hanukkah, so I’ll do some research and get back to you (or you can drop me a line and teach me!) After Emperor Constantine legalized Christianity in the first century, it spread through the empire, and once it was made the official religion of Rome, people started spreading the good word (for better or worse).

What the priests and monks did was migrate the real date of Jesus Christ’s birth to winter to better line up with the Yule Festival, the Druid Alban Arthuan, and Saturnalia, which had previously been the Empire’s Winter festival celebrating Saturn/Kronos, lasted for 7 days, and let all classes and races interact equally in ancient Rome and it’s colonies. By grouping the ‘Wild Northerners’ festval and the old Roman festival together with the new official religion of the Empire, the Christian church managed to ease a transition of power through the late 1st century and dark ages. 

So what does this tell us? Other than a lot of aggressive anti-whatever-religion-i-am-not stuff, multiple festivals were celebrated in winter. It was a time of feasting, peace, and revelry where everyone was seen as equal and good, which is a comforting thought. There was a whole lot of meat to feast on, since feed for the animals was short, there was no war or battles (George Washington is an outlier and should not be counted), and the night was long, which meant everyone was inside around their fires and candles, with nothing to do but eat. 

This meant there was singing and dancing, lots of drinking alcohol, laughter and games, and, my personal favorite, story telling. People would gather in the largest house in their village, or in their family’s main house, the town hall maybe, and feast and celebrate. Obviously in places like Egypt where there was no snow, things were a bit different, but as Yule was a mostly northern Germanic and Scandinavian festival, we can comfortably exclude the Egyptian’s (for the moment). This was a time of unity and connection. Check your weapons at the door, give the poor money and food, unite in revelry and sing loud enough the ceiling shakes. 

Saturn (or the Greek Kronus/Chronos) was the center of the festival Saturnalia, as he was the titan king of time. Demeter and Persephone would also receive tithes, as Proserpine was in the underworld with old Pluto, and Demeter was moping in the overworld. It was a time of renewal and rebirth, sacrifices for  a return of the light and quick return to spring. The Norse Aesir also got their fair share, Loki among them, as he was both the snow they fled and the fire they thrived on. Odin, as cheif of the Aesir and the Allfader was of course top of the list, leading men on the hunt and sitting at the head of the table for feast. Thor and his goats got involved, and everyone prayed and worshiped the sun goddess, in hopes that she would be reborn and return. And the Christians celebrated St. Thomas day and the relocated birth of Christ festival

Traditions:

Yule was chiefly a festival for rebirth, the end of the old year and birth of a new one. As the Winter Solstice is the longest night of the year, early cultures who lacked knowledge of a round Earth found the briefness of the sun distressing if not downright terrifying. So they worshiped their sun deities while placating their winter deities and hoped and prayed. Lucky for them the days got longer shortly after after even if the winter carried on. 

In order to preserve the power of nature subdued under all that snow, people would bring in evergreen boughs, winter plants and greenery to decorate their homes, which is now the boughs of holly, trees, and garlands we know so well. The survival of life was crucial and these evergreen boughs gave both hope and joy, since everyone knows there’s nothing quite like the smell of a pine tree. 

The giving of gifts started relatively simpler than presents, but as a gift of money, food, clothes, or some other item someone needed desperately. Inviting the poor into the homes of the rich to feast and be warm and safe in this dark time was a tithe to your fellow man and to the gods. This was especially prevalent in Scandinavian culture, since Odin was known to walk about disguised as an old man and they who brought him into their home would be richly rewarded on good fortune or more practical payment. 

Story telling. In a time where there were little to no roads, freezing weather, and only the rich had horses, donkeys or steeds of that kind, travelers were considered stupid, brave, or both. In the old days, many of these travelers were bards and storytellers. They too were invited in, bringing familiar tales everyone knew but the very youngest, always with a new element or twist, or else tales of far away from different lands. In exchange for a warm bed and a good meal these bards spun tales of the gods, heroes, magic, and adventure. 

The gods and God:

 Being Omnitheist (a tale for another day), I have a very peculiar look at how the old gods and the Abrahamic gods interact. but looking at it from a step back, we can all agree to some extent that Christianity moved throughout the empire pushing out the old gods to make way for He Who Is Three (the Christian God). For better or worse, those are the facts. However, clearly, we haven't forgotten them and they are still with us. No one is the good guy or the bad guy, no one god is to be blamed for what has happened (though I think some of the tricksters and lords of chaos and conflict are in the line of fire for recent events) And Yule, of all time sis when people should band together in acceptance and love. I guarantee, your personal deity will not damn you to punishment if you hug someone with different religion this holiday season.

The Balance of Dark and Light:

In my opinion, the saddest truth of the universe is that no matter how much we wish it, we cannot have joy without sorrow, happiness without pain, or Light without Dark. The world must stay balanced, not necessarily perfectly balanced in a single position, as this generated stagnation such as the Egyptians experienced. In order for the motion of the world to continue, there must be loses followed by victories allowing the scales of Dark and Light to tip and lean, never upending themselves but never still. 

Furthermore, Dark is not always Bad, and Light is not always good, but again, that is a tale for another day. 

Yule is a time of balance, of rebirth, it is the darkest time of year when the world is (supposedly) buried in snow and cold, the darkness hounding every moment and shows the end of time. And the beginning. This is a time of unity, compassion, camaraderie. Now is a time for love and acceptance, rich and poor, old and young from every culture, religion, background, race, and place. Soon a new year will come, bringing fresh flowers and sunshine and beauty and light. But for now we band together, Halfway through the dark.

As For Me:

I gave up on Christmas a long time ago. I won’t tell anyone to stop celebrating it and i will not forget what it’s supposed to celebrate but for my Christmas has too many dark memories, now more than ever. But Yule! my souls sings the praises of winter and snow and shadow. Yule is my chosen winter festival, though some may choose to celebrate them all! So tonight, for the first time in longer than i care to admit here’s my game plan:

post this long ass post

set up my alter and light candles for my gods (more below)

cleanse in moon water and smoke, both myself and my space

rebuild and reinforce my wards (Tale For Another Day)

Worship (TFAD)

play (more below)

My alter is actually my bedside table. i do use it as such, however, as soon as i lay my alter cloth there, it becomes a sacred space. Tonight, my alter will have acorns for rebirth, a small oak branch that fell on my head once, a pumpkin from Samhein, a variety of crystals including bloodstone (which is good for yule) and moonstone (because i love it). my candles will be white tea lights, here used for purity and peace, and some moon water and fruit as an offering to the gods of winter, rebirth, snow, and spring.

by ‘play’ i mean revelry in as classic a form as i can. I have chocolate lava cakes in the fridge, there’s pizza in there and my room mate is also cooking. I’m going to listen to some old timey music and watch a couple movies about witch craft and yule magic. I can give out a list of that stuff if y’all’d like to know what i have in mind. I’ll do a little casting on myself. I’ll probably sing and read a bit and maybe convince my friend to go walk with me and play Pokemon GO. That may seem out of the mood, but going outside in the night, feeling the yule energy and saying hello to every tree i pass is something I feel is important. Catching the 10 new Hoenn region Pokemon they just released is just an added bonus. 

Above all Yule is a time for rebirth. Now is when you wanna cleanse and rework your wards, shields and protective spells. It’s a time for new ideas and concept, staring a new journey! Now is a good time to start new projects and become a better you. I have faith in you. 

If you read this far, you’re a champ! Lots of love this Holiday season and Blessed Yule!

Blessings upon you from whosoever you choose to accept them from and merry meet again!

-Echo Celani