#things i wanna do cannot even be said out loud without trigger warnings so i wont but fuck damn everything sucks

[clovernment]

currently at an all time low, folks

low dopamine really really really fucks you up. im watching a train hurtling towards me at full speed and im sat on the tracks cant be bothered to move an inch

as always the anticipation of worse times is somewhat suckier than the worse times. like throwing up.

i hate that i can make my life a bit better by working hard right now but tism brain really really does not want to

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Demonology: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k

Summary: What makes someone evil? The things they do or because of what’s inside them? If children are born innocent, at what point does evil enter them? Everyone’s beliefs and faiths are tested on a religious level.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

x

You and Rossi walk back over to the interrogation room to continue watching Emily and Paul.

"What caused their deaths?" Emily asks.

"Medically?"

"Yes."

"I can't say," he shrugs.

"Were they under stress?"

"We all were."

"Did you sprinkle holy water on them?"

Emily must have remembered what you said at Patrick's house.

"That's part of the exorcism ritual."

"What was in the holy water? Sarin? Vx? The smallest amount would trigger respiratory failure."

"I'm not familiar with them."

"No? Really? Because that's what a lot of people think killed Father Del Toro in Spain."

Hotch comes into the room with determination on his face. He interrupts Emily and Paul with an apologetic look on his face.

"Father, You're free to go. We're sorry if detaining you has caused you any hardship."

Emily is pissed but she can't do anything since Hotch is her superior and will get fired if she fights back.

"I hope you find peace," Paul says to Emily before leaving.

"My office," he glares at her.

Hotch keeps his door open when they go inside so you can hear everything they're saying from your spot by the door to the briefing room. Even if he kept the door closed, you can still hear them because Hotch is pissed and Emily is pissed and two pissed people make for a very loud conversation.

"Are you actually accusing the Italian Government of authorizing this man's assassination list?"

"He admits he was present at every death."

"The case is over."

"You said you'd give me leeway!"

"I did. I understand your frustration. There are some things that we cannot control. Take some time off."

"What?"

"I don't wanna see you in the office for the next few days."

Emily immediately leaves angrily, and she walks past you without looking at you. You turn to Rossi who has heard everything they said, too.

"Something is going on here, Rossi. I saw it in Patrick's room. Paul is guilty, he's on a warpath, and he wants to kill whoever was responsible for Father Del Toro's death. He's gonna kill again."

"Come on."

You and he meet up with Emily in the elevator before the doors can close.

"Are you up for another drive?"

Rossi takes you and Emily over to Matthew's parent's house. She doesn't want to see them because they'll hate on her, but this trip is necessary. If you have any hope of finding out who Paul is targeting next, then you need to talk to them. Andrea isn't too happy to see Emily when she opens her front door.

"What are you doing here?"

"We know Matthew died during an exorcism performed by Father Paul Silvano. He's performed three In the last few weeks. Each person has died. We believe he's planning another one."

"That's none of our business."

"Matthew's gone. You've accepted that. At least let us warn the last family so they know what kind of choice they're facing. This isn't about me. This is about other families and the people they love."

Andrea can't argue with that so she lets you three inside her home. Tom gets up from the couch and walks over to you since they don't want you further into their home. They want to keep this as short as possible.

"Father Paul didn't kill Matthew," he says.

"Why are you so willing to accept that? I'm just trying to find the truth about how your son died."

"Then listen to me. Father Paul never laid a hand on Matthew."

"How do you know that?" you ask.

"I was there."

That's why you saw his energy in Matthew's room. You thought it was just because this was his home. Of course, you were going to see his energy in his own home. Emily is angry that his father just watched his son die, but you put your hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

"You stood there and watched Matthew die?"

"He wasn't the person you knew. Something horrible happened on that trip to Spain."

"You only believe that because Father Paul said it. You can't think for yourself?" she scoffs.

"Young lady, do not speak to me like that," he glares.

"How could you allow him to perform a ritual over Matthew?"

"I loved my son. I was trying to save his life. That thing killed Matthew! It was inside him for years. I know you know that's true."

"No, Matthew was a sweet boy. He was just troubled."

"He was never troubled until he met you," Andrea glares.

"Look, we need to know about the demon that possessed your son," Rossi says, trying to ease the tension.

"Father Paul explained that Matthew was a conduit. If you opened yourself up to him, you were putting yourself in danger of being taken over."

"Who else was Matthew with while he was in Spain?"

"I don't know."

"Who did he see once he was back in Washington? If Father Paul believes Matthew was a conduit, anyone he spent time with could be a target."

"He was not to see anyone until he was better."

"No, that's not true. I know for a fact he saw our friend John Cooley. His parents worked with my mother at the embassy in Rome. You called him to tell him Matthew had died."

"I haven't spoken with John in over twenty years, not since you were kids in Italy," Tom shrugs.

"John is next. Rossi, Paul is going over there next."

"Go. Call Morgan."

You and Emily rush out of the house while you're calling Derek. All three of you meet at John's house. Father Paul is already inside, you can feel him and John's panic. Derek breaks down the door and you can hear John yelling from the second story. Much like what you saw in Patrick's bedroom, the same thing is happening in John's. Three men are holding him down while Father Paul performs an exorcism.

Even when you announce yourselves, Paul doesn't stop the ritual. Most of the people in the room get down on their knees in fear of being shot at if they don't comply, but not Father Paul. He continues to throw holy water on him despite you trying to get him to stop.

John is sweaty, he's panicking, his anxiety is skyrocketing, and he's crossing his eyes as if he's hallucinating. Derek manages to get Father Paul out of the room while Emily tends to her friend. You're just trying not to break down because this entire room is filled to the brim with anxiety and panic.

"John, shh. I wanna untie you but I need you to calm down. Look at me. It's Emily. John!"

"Emily?"

"I'm gonna untie you. Just stay calm, okay?"

The paramedics come just as the rest of your team comes. John is looked at by the paramedics even though he doesn't feel the need.

"Emily, come on. I'm fine," he sighs.

"No. Look at you. Stress can tear your body apart. That's what happened to Matthew."

"Emily, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you in Italy."

John was the father of her baby. You leave to give them privacy and join Hotch's side. When Emily sees him, she finishes with John and heads over to him. Derek walks out of the house with Father Paul in handcuffs.

"If you want my gun and badge, I understand."

"There's a plane ticket in your name to Rome. Agent Morgan and I will drive you to the airport. Any of your belongings can be shipped to you," Hotch says to him instead of commenting on Emily.

"You have no right to deport me."

"The Vatican intervened. The Italian Government has rescinded your diplomatic status. They'll do with you as they see fit when you're back in their jurisdiction."

"You've all just made the world a much more dangerous place!" he yells as he's placed in the back of the police car.

"I saw that guy up there. He was certain he was fighting against some kind of evil."

"We all have to be certain," Rossi says.

"Rossi, don't tell me you believe in evil."

"Don't tell me you do this job and you don't."

"I believe there are evil acts but those are choices. What do you think, Y/N?"

"I've seen evil before--true evil. I've even come face-to-face with it. I've stared down the devil and survived. You're right, there are evil acts but demons are real. There are things out there that are pure evil and I've seen it more times than I'd like. What about you, Hotch?"

"I think deep down, we're all capable of unspeakable things. Where it starts or what you call it, I don't know. Let's get him out of here."

"Thank you. To the both of you," Emily says to you and Derek.

"You're welcome."

Since your birthday is this weekend, you got some pretty awesome gifts from some pretty amazing people. You're only twenty-six, but you have this family that keeps you grounded in this line of work.

"Now, for my present," JJ smiles. "Close your eyes. Both of you."

You and Spencer give each other weird looks but does as she asks. Seconds later, you feel tiny hands grab at your face.

"No way! You brought him!" you grin and take Henry from her arms. "Look who it is! It's your Godparents!"

"You two can watch him for the weekend if you want."

"Yes! We will take good care of him. Don't you worry about a thing!"

This is going to be the best weekend ever.

There is no heresy or no philosophy which is so abhorrent to the church as a human being. - James Joyce

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[redrobin-detective]

the only ghost in Amity Park

Continuation of Half Of

______________________________________________

Only in Amity Park did the revelation that a local teenager was sorta, kinda a ghost just blow over in a few days. Sure, people still stared at Danny Fenton as he walked by and everyone was still wondering what exactly he was, but overall life had moved on. Star sighed to herself as she organized her notebooks, waiting for class to begin. Just another day.

Star herself really didn’t want to get involved in whatever was going on with Danny. She didn’t like him before he was a celebrity and didn’t plan on starting anytime soon. While Paulina still relentlessly, and vainly, pumped him for information on her dead boy crush, Phantom and he and Dash formed some weird macho bond or whatever, Star avoided him. He’d given her the chills since the day he’d walked into Casper High. When Danny’s secret had been exposed mid-attack, Star hadn’t been surprised. She didn’t need some ghost to tell her that there was something deeply, unsettlingly wrong with Danny Fenton.

Danny didn’t seem particular bothered, by his inhuman nature or by suddenly having his secret exposed. If anything, the nerd looked more relaxed than ever. Star had been watching him, they all had, but Fenton kept his ghostly antics to a minimum when in public. The occasional flash of green eyes when emotional, a grin of sharpened teeth. He made Mikey’s locker lock intangible the other day when the kid had forgotten his combination and he floated down the stairs instead of walking sometimes. It had been a week and it was  frightening how quickly such strangeness had become almost normal. 

“Alright kids, phones and notes away we’re starting class with a pop quiz. Hope you’ve all kept up with your weekly readings,” Faluca announced cheerily. The whole class, including Fenton, moaned and packed up their bags. Star supposed being an undead being haunting his own life didn’t make him immune from normal human problems. She was biting her lip trying to remember which antibody caused allergic reactions when she got an uneasy feeling. She looked up and was not surprised to see Danny Fenton looking around too. It had been a solid week without ghost attacks, looks like Fenton’s supposed vacation time was up.

Star stopped her writing and adjusted the bag at her feet to prep for evacuation. She briefly wondered what Fenton would do, what he could do? Did he also hunt ghosts, like his parents? Like Phantom? There were no blasts, no screams, no monologues but the dread increased when a ghost shield descended over them. Actually, it looked like it was just covering their classroom. Now everyone was looking up from their quizzes and out the window at the flickering, green shield.

“You’d think the administration would’ve warned me we were going to do a drill,” Faluca said but his voice was hesitant. Clearly this wasn’t planned so despite the lack of alarms, there was a good chance this was real. “Pencils down for the moment while I figure out what’s going on.”

“Mr. Faluca, I need to go,” Danny said, raising his hand. Star was so used to hearing the request she almost ignored him but the dread curling in her stomach made her look again. His face was pinched, sharp and his eyes burned with an icy fury like a sudden storm blowing in without warning. 

“Mr. Fenton, I don’t think...” Faluca murmured uneasily. Danny frowned harder.

“It wasn’t a request, actually,” Danny said roughly as he stood up and began walking towards the door. He was almost there when the door slammed open and Fenton had no less than 3 ectoweapons pointed in his face. A few kids jumped back in alarm but Danny held his ground as half a dozen Guys in White agents entered the room and surrounded him.

“Spectral scum formerly known as Daniel Fenton, you’re coming with us,” one of the agents said. 

“Danny not Daniel and it’s still my name,” Danny quipped, eyeing each of the government officials and their weapons. “And no, I’m not. I’m still alive, somewhat anyway, so I have rights. The courts backed me up.”

“Everyone who signed for your freedom doesn’t know ghosts like we do,” Another agent said so forcefully, some spittle flew out of their mouth and hit Danny’s cheek. Star watched it freeze and fall away the instant it hit his skin. “Your kind are too dangerous to wander around, you need to be contained and eliminated. Don’t worry, your parents will receive a sizable check as recompense.”

“I’m the one who needs to be contained?” Danny said slowly, evenly but there was a static to his voice that caused the hairs on the back of Star’s neck to rise. When she breathed out, she saw her breath was misting. Everyone’s was as the room temperature continued to plummet. “When you come in here and take hostages to threaten me?” Danny hissed, he took a step forward and his eyes took on a neon green glow. “You didn’t come to my home or on the streets, you came to take me in the middle of biology when I’m surrounded by civilians, kids.”

“You delude yourself into thinking you’re still human,” another agent scoffed. “Everyone knows ghosts are weaker when giving into their obsession.” Danny laughed, it was loud and mocking and like fingernails running down a chalkboard. Faluca, stuck in between Danny and the agents, was white as a sheet and gripping his desk like it was the only thing keeping him from collapsing.

“You know nothing,” Danny hissed, his voice barely recognizable as human. His hair and shirt floated in an invisible but angry breeze. Frost crawled up his arms and his face. Various ecto alarms were ringing on the belts of the agents and they started to look a bit nervous. He looked nothing like the kid who, minutes before, had clearly been struggling with their bio quiz. “You have no idea what you’re dealing with. You cannot come into my haunt and threaten my people to get to me. Protecting what is mine will always make me stronger!” 

“This whole town is constantly under attack because of things like you!” One particularly brave agent said even as a few others had backed up. “Amity Park is on the verge of collapse because of all the ghosts!”

“There is only one ghost in Amity Park,” Danny said, he tilted his head, his black and white hair dangling in his face as he gave a sharpened smile. “There is only me and the ghosts I allow, ghosts who know the rules, who respect my authority here by keeping damage to people and property down. I am the only ghost haunting this town and why do you think that is?” One agent threw down his gun and ran through the open door.

“You’re-you’re a monster!” Another woman shouted, shaking as she stepped back before fleeing.

“I’m not the one who needs to threaten innocents to get to their target,” Danny sneered. “It’s a good thing you did though, I wouldn’t hold back if I wasn’t worried about collateral.” Another three agents turned tail and ran. Until there was only one left. His gun was still trained on Danny but his hands were shaking. 

“You don’t scare us,” the agent trembled through the obvious lie having been abandoned by his comrades. “We’ll get you monster, if it’s the last thing we do.”

“Looking forward to it,” Danny drawled sarcastically as some of his horrifying aura dissipated along with the freezing grip on the room. Within moments Danny has settled back into more human form. While he’d been angry before, now he looked almost bored. At no point had he seemed afraid. 

“You take your people and your equipment and you leave Amity’s borders by sunset tonight,” Danny declared resolutely. “If you have continued problems with my existence, you take it up with the courts. We settle this as humans but if you treat me as a ghost then I will fight back like one.” His eyes turned green again as a threat. As a promise. 

“I don’t take orders from spooks!” The agent shouted, securing his finger on the trigger and preparing to fire. Star had ducked to avoid the blast so she missed exactly what happened. All she saw was the green glow and heard a strangled scream from the agent followed by a series of thumps. By the time Star had gotten back into her seat, Danny was aggressively pulling apart the ectogun with his bare hands. There was no sign of the agent and, around them, the ghost shield fizzled away. 

“Jerks,” Danny grumbled, kicking at the remains of the ectogun he’d destroyed. “Sorry about that, Mr. Faluca. I knew they’d cause problems but I didn’t think they’d come to school.” Their teacher stared at Danny like a rabbit facing down a lion. “You okay?”

“Fine, Mr. Fenton, just fine!” Falcua grinned in a high pitched voice. “Shall we get back to our quizzes?” The bell rang just then and Danny did a little fist pump.

“Tomorrow then? After I get a chance to study more?” Danny asked with puppy dog eyes. It looked wrong on his face that had just threatened the government with bodily harm. Faluca just nodded dumbly, not sure what else to say. “Yes! I’ll pass tomorrow for sure. The attention kinda sucks but it does come with some perks.”

He walked back to his desk, ignoring the wide-eyed looks of the class when he stopped and gasped, his breath fogging in front of him. His lips pursed again with annoyance. A few people jumped in surprise as the Box Ghost, a familiar annoyance, poked his head through the wall.

“Child! Your requested reprieve is up and the Box Ghost is here to cause insurmountable square shenanigans!” He laughed heartily, stopping when the room temperature dropped again. Danny didn’t even turn to face the ghost. 

“Your watch is off, Boxy. I have another 10 hours before I have to deal with you annoyances again,” Danny growled. “I’m feeling good right now, take advantage of it and leave in one piece.”

“Uh right okay then,” the ghost stammered, sinking back into the wall. “See you tomorrow.” Danny cracked his neck before he walked to his desk, grabbed his things and walked to the front of the room.

“Late bell’s gonna ring any minute, you guys should hurry if you don’t wanna be late,” Danny said as he left. Falcua’s strength gave out as soon as Fenton was gone and he hit the floor, one hand clutching at his chest.

“Jeepers,” Mikey surmised appropriately before stuffing his things in his bag and leaving as well. Star watched everyone loosen up themselves and begin gathering their things to leave. No, she would never like Danny Fenton but he and his ghost weirdness was just part of the deal now, whether they wanted it or not. Such was life in the most haunted city in America which was only haunted by a single ghostly entity.

[imtryingmyfuckingbe]

And If This Is It

Third chapter in a short series.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Mentions: Jess, Sam, Charlie, Cas, Gabriel, Jo, Jules (OC)

Trigger warnings: Excessive alcohol consumption; puking

I am the sole author and reserve the rights to my work. However, I am not the owner of Supernatural as a franchise, or the characters including, but not limited to: Dean, Sam, Castiel, Gabriel, Jo, Jess, or Charlie.

CHAPTER THREE:

“Shots?!” Jules shouts over the deafening music.

He passes a tiny glass of clear alcohol to Y/N and Charlie. At this point, neither know if it’s tequila, gin, or vodka. At this point, neither truly care.

Carter’s, the hole-in-the-wall dive tucked between a pawn shop and convenience store, housed the trio every Wednesday night. When unable to convene outside of work any other time of the week, they at least have their sticky booth and cheap booze to fall back upon. If Y/N had half the mind to care, she could bet the shady owner had an unsavory side business that allowed for such decently priced alcohol. But she doesn’t have half the mind. The sharp air intoxicates her even before the first drink, drawing her attention elsewhere. Plus, Jules always arrives first to claim their usual seats, a round of drinks at the ready. Tonight, he focuses on shots.

They clink their glasses together, slam them on the grimy counter, and tip them back. Charlie cheers, her flushed cheeks pushed back in a sloppy, wide grin. Her laughter bellows into Y/N’s chest, forcing her to join in. The tribulations of the past seven days wash away with each new shot. Her mind only wanders as far as Jules across the table and Charlie next to her. Nothing mattered right now, not unrequited love or shitty jobs.

“So! So! Then I said, I said! I don’t care what those bitches think. I’m— I’m a good server, ya know? And I told James— “

“—Jason,” Jules supplies.

“—Yeah, that one. I told Jason to stick it!” Charlie slurs, recounting her meeting with their boss.

Y/N cocks her head at Charlie, who white knuckles the table to stay steady. “Did you really?” She speaks slowly, the words catching on her heavy tongue.

“No. But I thought it. So it counts.”

Jules and Y/N share a look. “Sure it does.”

Out of the three of them, Jules holds his liquor the best. He drinks anyone under the table, and still gets up for work without a grueling hangover. Y/N took Thursdays out of her availability because she doesn’t have his stamina. It took only two shifts filled with headaches and poor service for her to realize she cannot power through the dehydration and pain. Wednesday nights take it out of her, and the following morning includes a date with her toilet and a bottle of Pedialyte. Trying to keep up with Jules, which she foolishly does, is a signed, sealed, delivered death sentence.

She happily accepts it, for it means quality time with her friends.

“Listen, missy. You listen here! You don’t get to talk about— about thinking things and not saying them!” Charlie accuses. Y/N holds up a hand in protest. “No! I don’ wanna h-hear it.”

In just a few words, the thoughtless cocoon Y/N made shelter in crashes to the ground, bringing up debris and Dean’s face. His freckles. His lips. The things she wishes she could say— I love you, I want you, I need you— taunt her, dancing across her mind and scuffing up the floors. “Yeah? Well I don’t wanna talk about it!” She all but shouts.

Charlie huffs. “Fine.”

Jules says nothing, simply peering at his two best friends with mild concern in his glossed over eyes. Y/N avoids his gaze, instead choosing to watch the desolate street through the frosty glass. Charlie waves her hand to the waiter to call for another round.

With new shots in front of the respective drinkers, the tense silence dissipates quickly, easy conversation about what each other missed taking its place. Jules relays the details of his third date with Alice, a girl he served once. She left her number and on a whim he decided to text her. The thirty percent tip she left helped her case, too. The two get along great, from what he says. They share similar interests, including early morning trips to the gym and pretty much any physical activity. At the thought, Y/N shudders. She reserves her mornings for her bed and coffee.

As Jules carries on about the lovely Alice, Y/N finds herself thinking down a stark path. It travels away from Carter’s worn booths and blaring music, finding solace in scratching concrete and big hands. Some days, she truly wishes she could call Him her boyfriend. Some days, she only wishes to be near Him. Right now, it’s the latter. The too-loud conversations around her, the thick air, the heavy warmth in her belly; it makes breathing a chore.

Charlie grabs her wrist, pulling her over-worked thumb from her teeth. The crevice between her nail and skin bleeds. Out of her head now, she realizes her friends stare at her, conversation ceased. Jules’ eyes bore into hers, and she can feel Charlie staring at the side of her head.

She doesn’t have to ask what crosses their minds. Their faces paint light worry and their questions clearly. Y/N sighs, head dipping to focus on the empty glass before her. Neither of her friends say anything, allowing her to trudge through her hazy thoughts.

“I…” she starts, but shakes her head. Needing a something to center her, she throws back her head and swallows another shot. It burns, but it reminds her she is alive and well. Well enough, at least.

Charlie only knows what an inebriated Y/N shared once, and she assumes Charlie happily passed on the message. Even still, the words halt in her throat. Charlie interlocks their fingers, giving a squeeze. It’s okay, Y/N knows she wants to say. “I need some air.”

Not awaiting a response, she drops Charlie’s hand and alights from the booth. Concentrating on walking, Y/N works her way through the crowd to the door. The cooling air of the night caresses her cheeks, relieving some of the heat from her skin. The car-lined road before her, adorned by dim streetlights and neon store signs, appears in double. Cigarette smoke wafts to her nose.

She turns towards the scent. Sober Y/N would never smoke. The taste lingers on her tongue days after, plaguing anything she drinks or eats. However, Drunk Y/N, riddled with anxiety and one too many shots, craves it.

A woman clad in little clothing leans against the worn brick, cigarette balanced between her fore- and middle finger. Y/N stumbles the few feet to her, her body moving before her thoughts. The lady looks up. Her tired eyes trail over Y/N’s body, taking in the sight, ending at her face. Y/N tries to imagine how she looks.

“Can I bum a smoke?”

Wordless, the woman passes Y/N her pack of menthol and a lighter. Nodding in thanks, she lights the cigarette and draws a deep breath in. Sweet relief. She sighs contentedly, handing the pack and lighter back. In silence, Y/N joins the stranger in leaning against the wall. Drunken camaraderie over a bad habit makes the world feel smaller; friendlier.

Here she stands, a mess. And here some straggler stands, someone she’s never met, probably going through her own shit. People are small, in the grand scheme of things. The big picture. Everything feels silly, like a cosmic prank, wherein God will jump from the sky and yell, “Hahahah! Happiness is not a by product of existence, you simple minded fucks. I made you to suffer.”

She wouldn’t be surprised, not anymore. Some days, her heavy bones and even heavier head weigh her down so much, all she can do is suffer. Suffer through schooling; a dead end job; a wistful love; a bleak future. Perhaps God created her as suffering; not a person who could, but a person who is.

A long drag from the cigarette clears her mind. She reminds herself that her sidewalk existential philosophy is only wise by proxy of this night’s poison.

Flicking the cigarette, she nods her head in thanks. With a clearer head, the double vision subsides. Still, she sways as she walks back to the door of the bar. Bracing herself, she pushes it open. Music, this time a familiar song she can’t place, wraps its comforting fingers around her heart. This is where she is meant to be: sandwiched between the tacky wall and Charlie, sat across from Jules.

Charlie stands as Y/N comes into view, allowing her to take her seat once more. The conversation continues seamlessly, as if  Y/N never left. Jules and Charlie keep the side glances to minimum, instead focusing on another round— this time paired with glasses of water— and what Jules’ should do next with Alice. Deciding to solely focus on her friends before her, Y/N utilizes her remaining energy on keeping up with the conversation.

“I mean… she seems to like you a lot, dude. Who the hell… else would get up at five to go on hikes?” Y/N slurs, raising her voice.

“A crazy, person! She’s crazy.” Charlie whispers with a shake of her head.

Y/N laughs, downing another shot. “Yeah, well, either way, she likes it, ya’know? She likes it!”

They dissolve into a fit of body-rocking, soul-shaking laughter. As it peters out, the energy follows suit. Y/N hits a wall, her shoulders sagging with a sigh. “I’m— I’m gotta go, guys. My eyes are gonna fall out.”

“Wait! Just one more shot. C’mon, Y/N/N! One for the road,” implores Jules.

Ever the bad influence, Y/N agrees. In the back of her head, she hears her sober-self admonish her. She pushes it away while Jules waves his pointer finger for another round. Grace, the waitress, already has three ready. Used to their antics as their usual server, she also drops the bill.

Clink, slam, gulp.

Y/N slaps a twenty on the bill, knowing it covers her portion of drinks. Charlie scoots out of the booth again, staying standing to wrap Y/N in a bone-crushing hug. The scent of vodka and Daisy fills Y/N’s nose, covering every piece of her in Charlie. Jules envelopes her next. Her cheek rests against his chest, and he sets his chin on her head. They hold each other for a moment before pulling back.

Y/N leaves her friends to settle the rest of the bill. Escaping into the night, she embraces the cool air. However much she finds solace in Carter’s, the stuffy heat paired with the little room to move constricts her. Even on the now empty street, her chest refuses to loosen. The returned double vision surely doesn’t help.

“Walk,” she mumbles, commanding herself to just fucking go.

Normally, she would call a ride service right about now; or she’d stick around with Jules and Charlie to ride with them. But right now she needs the freedom of the seedy side streets and open sky above her. Four doors and a short roof would only further agitate her.

So, for the sake of her sanity, she makes her way down the street. Having walked these streets many times, Y/N’s feet carry her, rather than she commanding them. As she works her way towards the main road, the lights become brighter and cleaner; trash slowly dwindles in the gutters until they’re as clean as they can get in this part of the city.

At the intersection of Boulder and Hamilton, she stops. Going left would lead her home, a destination twenty minutes away. Going right would take her to Dean. Her body decides before her mind. Five minutes and a few turns, she stands on Dean’s stoop.

Her heavy fist raps against the wood while she leans her forehead against the cool service. Eyes closed, Y/N focuses on slowing her breathing. The edges of a panic attack creep into her mind. Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I—

The door opens, taking from Y/N her support. Without it, she falls forward, preparing to meet the unfriendly catching of the floor. Instead, warm, bare arms wrap around her waist. “Y/N?” Dean asks in his deep, gruff tone.

God, I love your voice. The thought crosses her mind before she can stop it.

“Oh, do you, now?” Dean teases, righting her on her feet but keeping his hands on her shoulders.

Fuck.

“Shuddap,” she scolds.

“What are you doing here, Y/N/N?” He moves a hand from her shoulder to grasp her chin, pointing her face to look at him.

She leans into it. “Drunk.”

Dean chuckles, a warm sound that pushes any anxiety out of her mind. He has that way about him. “I can see that. Here, come inside so I can close the door.” She does as he asks, still leaning into his touch. He leads her to his couch, guiding her gently down onto the cushion. Resting on his knees in between her legs, he examines her face again.

She tries to look him in the eyes, she truly tries, but their overwhelming jade and the smell of his shampoo and his hands and that little grin and— and— and. The list goes on forever. In the dim room, lit by the outside lights and the paused TV, she wants to fall into him. Her fingers itch to grab his stupid stubbled cheeks and bring his stupid plump lips to her own. Her heart threatens to jump straight from her chest and into his hands. Her skin prickles where his forefinger and thumb hold her chin.

“Traitors,” she mumbles.

“Hm?”

Y/N shakes her head, causing Dean to release her chin. Dammit. “Nothing. I’m just— I’m so drunk, dude.”

He laughs again, sending a wave of peace over her body. “Yes, I know. Let’s get some water in you.”

Water sounds like a great idea, just the mention causes Y/N’s mouth to dry, readying for the coolness to coat her throat and fill her stomach. While Dean pours her a glass, she better settles against the sofa, shifting until her back rests against the arm and her legs splay out before her. The cold of the leather raises goosebumps, but it grounds her.

Dean returns with a stainless steel tumbler, placing it on the cushion by her hip. He lifts her legs and rests them upon his thighs as he too settles into the couch. Arm rested on the top of the couch and eyes caressing her flushed cheeks, he awaits for her to speak.

Every thought racing through her mind pleads to blurt out “I love you!” in some form or another. Taking a long, refreshing sip, she swallows the water and her heart. The hand gently kneading her calf provides almost enough courage to cast aside her inhibitions, but instead she listens to the voice in the back of her head. Why ruin something great? Why risk it?

Pussy, her warring side jabs.

Shaking her head, she removes her gaze from his and unto the television. “Die Hard?”

He waits a beat before he speaks, “Yes. How are you feeling?”

“Like there’s two John… John McClanes on the TV, which means two Hans Gru—bers, and I… I dunno if I can watch that.”

Glorious, golden, all-compassing laughter. “Well, I’m sure the McClanes will be fine; twice the firepower.”

Y/N can’t stop herself from returning to gazing at Dean. The lights from the kitchen silhouette his face, but she sees it, nonetheless. Knows it like its her own, for she sure has stared at him long enough. His seemingly perpetual little grin pushes his cheeks up the slightest bit. He looks so young.

With little thought or permission, she reaches a hand out to brush against his cheek. The barely present beard tickles her palm. Dean’s eyes flutter shut, and he nuzzles further into her hand. If only she could stay like this, legs across Dean’s, hand on his cheek, eyes closed.

“Dean…” she whispers, mostly for herself. Her heart will never get used to sitting so close to him, a beacon on her worst of days and a partner on her best.

“Hm?” he asks, still leaning into her touch.

It takes everything from her, her willpower, her bones, her chest, her lungs. She can’t stop herself for much longer, she knows. And, the thing is, her traitorous body doesn’t protest. Nothing in her says to stop; everything in her begs— no, screams at— her to grab him and hold him tight. To never let go.

As she leans forward, her left hand reaching for his other cheek, the tumbler clatters to the floor with an unforgiving clang. They both startle back, Y/N drawing her legs from his lap and Dean finally opening his eyes. The withering stare she casts at the stupid bottle should shatter it. Instead, it stays whole and mocking. She reaches down to right it, her knuckles white as she harshly slams it onto the floor.

The lights seem to bright, now. The throbbing in her head makes its presence better known, pulsing the picture of John McClane leaning over a sniper rifle. Bile rises in her throat.

“Fuck,” she barely gets out before bolting from her seat and running for the bathroom. Way to ruin the moment, you monkey.

Y/N grabs the edge of the toilet with one hand, gathering her hair into a mock ponytail with the other. At the sight of the bowl, her stomach instantly lurches. With the little she had to eat, mostly burning alcohol makes a return, accompanied by some nachos and fries.

A set of hands replace her’s in her hair, allowing her to better grasp the toilet. Dean settles behind her, bracing her sides with his thighs and whispering unintelligible comforting words in her ear. With his free hand he rubs her back, up and down her shoulder blades to her lower back.

No longer retching, she wipes her mouth toilet paper. Her body still shakes, skin clammy and hot. She crosses her arms over the seat, resting her forehead against her forearms. Dean continues to massage circles into her skin. “I’m sorry,” she mutters, to the bowl and to Dean.

He releases her hair, instead choosing to pull her from the toilet and into his chest. Together, limbs wrapped endlessly, Dean leans against the wall and she leans against Dean. “Nothing to be sorry for, Y/N/N. C’mon, you’ve seen me completely plastered.”

She tips her head to the side, resting it against his shoulder. “It’s gross. Not cute. At all.”

His chuckle rumbles against her back. “Nah, you’re always cute.” It’s barely a whisper, if she weren’t next to his mouth she’s sure she wouldn’t have heard it.

They sit in silence, breathing against each other. Y/N revels in the coolness of the ground and his arms around her waist.

“Why’d you drink so much, Y/N/N?”

Her sighs heaves her shoulders. “I dunno. Why do you drink, Dean?”

“Sometimes to forget things.” He keeps his voice level, but Y/N knows him well enough to see he worries for her. The implications of his statement do not go unnoticed.  

She shakes her head. “I just have a lot going on. Plus, it’s Wednesday. You know that’s my night with Jules and Charlie. We drink. It’s what we do.”

“Okay. Just checking. Let’s get you to bed, kid.”

[lideria]

Sugar Rush Love. | Haechan

Request: Hi hi can I request a fluff for Haechan or Mark? Thank you. Sorry I’m not super specific but I don’t have any ideas right now lol

Author’s Note: This was super fun to write! I really hope everyone who reads it enjoys it quite as much as I did while writing. Plus, just a heads-up, it is pretty dialogue-heavy, so I’m sorry if that’s not your type of thing :)

Warnings: One or a couple of curse words, brief mention of body form, comments on eating/mentions of stress eating, brief mention of injury, mentions of non-Ramadan-friendly content, and I think that should be it! Plus, English is my second language so there might be errors. Please let me know if there is anything else!

Word Count: 2493

Genre: Fluff, Angst if you squint, college!au, baseball!au, crushtolover!au

I hope you all enjoy!

“Sorry for waking you up and all but would you wanna have a picnic? Like some snacks, I guess?”

It had been maybe 2 hours since you had fallen asleep when Donghyuck calls. His voice makes it clear that he is wide awake at who-knows-what on a weekday. It somewhat worries you, but at the same time, he is always like this. Energetic. At unnecessary times as well. However, it still did kind of annoy you how he fancied the idea of a picnic at— you check your phone— “At 4 in the morning?”

“Why not? I’m craving a lot of stuff and it’d be sad if I went out to get a bunch of snacks just to eat them by myself. You like what I eat, no?” That was true. You both had likings for similar foods in general. Though, he was not the type to have snacks around this time. Especially around this time of the year, if you recall right. Maybe something was wrong with his mood?

His voice sounds just fine, though. So it cannot be that.

You sigh to yourself, defeat settling in, and turn on the light beside your bed. “Fine. Where do we meet?” A hand goes up to rub at your eye, triggering a yawn almost immediately. He takes a while to answer, sounds of shuffling in the background. “The field.” There comes a creak from his side. Possibly a door as it is followed by a loud slam. “It’s open at this hour?”

He chuckles. “It’s always open. The amount of freaks that go out on a jog at 2:30 in the morning.. you wouldn’t believe it.”

You grin knowingly. “For you to say it… Don’t you have to be one of them to know?” Silence.

Then, a dramatic sigh of annoyance. “Shut up. Wear something thick.”

You end up wearing an oversized hoodie over your pajama shirt and some much more presentable sweatpants before washing your face, brushing your teeth and rushing out to not keep him waiting. It is chilly outside, almost cold as the breeze hits your newly washed face. Lights are off for the most part. Silence calming yet bizarre.

There is something about living in a heavily populated area and going out at weird hours. Because as you stroll your way down to the field through the campus, the city outside the campus still as well, it feels like walking through a deserted city. As if the whole city is for you and you only. You could do whatever you want to do.

Some part wants to scream and pierce through the silence, but it is too perfect to ruin. It would be a shame.

The campus is big, but definitely cramped. Very cluttered and populous to the point that it feels small. It is only at times like these and when you are down with some kind of sickness when you realize just how much distance there is between the on-campus apartment complex and the fields. But it feels nice— the clutter. Almost makes it feel homey.

When you are a little more than halfway done with your walking you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. You do not bother checking, because you know it must be Donghyuck texting you to hurry up or whatever. Then you look up.

And it dawns on you why he must have felt the need to go outside instead of hanging out in the dorm lobby.

The sky is incredibly clear— too good to be true in an area with high light pollution. A bunch of stars are visible, more stars than usual for sure. No clouds whatsoever. But also, no Milky Way. Yet it is still better than good enough, because the moon is full and is shining with all its glory and scars, and stars are twinkling in a rhythm what feels like a melody.

You continue to walk mostly with your eyes fixed on the sky, and if anyone asks you it is truly a miracle that you make it to the field without falling. Severely tripping, yes, but not falling.

It almost feels like he is not there when you push the doors and walk into the track circling the diamond because of how quiet it is. But there is a faint amount of light almost in the middle of the giant patch of grass with a body hunched over it, so you make your way over.

He does not get up to greet you. He does not have to. You sit on the grass that is definitely colder than the weather itself and throw your arm around his shoulders to give him a brief hug. He hugs you back, but you know. You know for a fact Donghyuck is annoyed. “Why don’t you look at your phone ever when I text you? I actually asked for something,” He laughs out a huff of annoyance and points a finger at the bag of snacks. “I forgot to get tissues. I’d send you back to go get some but I won’t because I’m a good friend.”

Friend. Funny. A friend who has a crush on you and does not bother to hide it, and a friend whom you have a crush on and do not quite bother to hide it from. Just a couple of crushing friends who will not take action. “It’s fine, we’ll just lick our fingers.” You say as he makes a move to pull out the snacks, interested in what he has brought.

There is a bunch of sweets, with definitely way too much sugar at this hour. Considering Donghyuck is already energetic and seemingly not sleepy, the oncoming sugar rush that awaits both of you is scary.

He breaks a chocolate bar in half. You cannot help the question that blurts itself out. “Isn’t season starting soon? Don’t you have to not be eating these?”

The half chocolate bar gets pushed onto your lips, as if to tell you to shut up, please. “Yeah. If coach doesn’t know it’s fine.”

You give him the look. He gives in under the pressure. “I’ve been eating lots of carbs and proteins for training season and oh my god, my diet is filled with bland foods. I want to taste something, and I’d much rather prefer it to be sweet.” He takes a bite which is almost all of the half he has in his hand. It makes sense he is frustrated. “I’ll just have to run harder tomorrow— today.” He places his arms on his knees that he has pulled to his chest, his arm clenching a bit. His words struck you harder than they should, and you frown. “One night won’t break your form.”

“I know. I just want to be at my best so I have a chance at getting picked up this season.” With that, he takes the other bite, and his half of the bar is gone. You lean back on your hand and look at him. What he said makes sense, but also does not. “There is no reason you wouldn’t get picked, you know? You’re so good at running, and your aim with the bat is sharp enough.”

Donghyuck leans forward to pull another snack— moon pies, and you laugh. “You sure you’re not stress eating?” He takes a look at you for a split second, hands you the pie even though you are not done eating the bar, and takes one out for himself. “If only you ate what I’ve been eating for the last several weeks, then you’d get me. Plus, my game is top notch when it comes to stress management.”

That brings a mixture of snorting and giggling out of you as you turn to look at his profile. “Sure. As if you weren’t screaming when Jungwoo told you—“

He turns to you in an instance, and the moon pie’s crumbs go everywhere when he speaks. “Not completing the track on time for like more than twenty times after you come back from an injury makes you panic. Rightfully so.” The crumbs stick to your face, even, and it is gross even if he is your crush. “Jesus, okay, ew. And also, of course it’d make you panic, but it was only a whole two seconds longer than your personal best. You did not need to scream that much.”

He shrugs and lets himself fall onto the field. It is then that you realize he is only in a t-shirt and a sad excuse of a cardigan. Which is very hypocritical of him if you do say so yourself. “It’s just… Baseball is what I do, you know? It keeps me on a scholarship, I’m actually somewhat good at it which is great because I for certain suck at my degree, and it’s what I want to do for the rest of my life. So it’s important for me to get picked up this season. Of course it’s okay if I don’t, because I’ll have the chance for another 2 years unlike Jungwoo, but the earlier the better.” The level of frustration grows with each sentence, and he keeps doing these hand gestures that cause his hands to flail around a little.

You also let yourself fall when he stops, but forwards on your stomach instead of backwards on your back. Your face is above Donghyuck’s as you lean your head on your propped up hands. “You wanna drop out once you get picked up?” It would make sense, really. He was not the one to keep good attention on his academics. Not because he does not want to, but because he just cannot do it.

He clicks his tongue and meets your eyes. When he speaks up, his voice is quieter. “Not really. If I get injured again it’s probably over for me, so,” The breath he exhales hits your face. “Gotta have a plan B.”

Both of you sit in the quiet breeze for a bit after that. Still snacking on a variety of his favorite snacks, you try to bicker with him. But instead, he asks you how school is going for you. You tell him the quizzes and the assignments and the group projects, and how nobody shows up for the group project meetings, and about your club life which is equally as exciting for you as baseball is for him, but the pace is definitely much more different.  

“Are you even aware of the sky tonight? Look at all the stars— the moon, too.” You do it to direct the conversation anywhere else, because frankly, you both knew you did not want to talk about school at 4-something AM. He does look up, and smiles. “I was here before you came, so of course I’ve seen it.” Deep breath. “Really pretty, like you.”

You cannot even try to contain the smile. The blood rushes to your cheeks and hands. “Stop. I’m dressed in presentable pajamas and I’m every shade of ugly tired.”

“I’m here for it, personally.” He elites up his voice and places his hand on his chest a little before proceeding with his speech. “In my humblest of opinions, the pajama look is far better than the looks of whoever’s dating my upperclassmen.” Then, he goes serious again as you start to laugh at what you suspect to be the beginning of his sugar rush. “No seriously, some of the people they’re dating are actually intimidating. More than coach, even.”

“Oh so I’m not intimidating?” You ask, hand posted at your chest. He laughs slightly, almost uncomfortably. “Uh, no, you’re scary when you get angry.” Lucky for him he understands he is only making matters worse, and you laugh out loud more when he starts rambling. “Of course that’s not to say it’s bad, yours is a cool kind of intimidating. But they are there to support them, and after the games end it’s like they will take them home and punish them even if they’ve done good.”

“Some people are into that kinda stuff though.”

Donghyuck looks at you, genuinely disgusted. “No.”

The sheer horror and disgust on his face finally makes you burst into the sleepy-sugar rush laughter you had been holding back, and he starts laughing his fairly dumb sounding laugh along with you. “I’m not shaming whoever likes it but damn, let them celebrate, I don’t know—“

“The thing is, that’s their way of celebrating.” You manage out, holding your stomach as you laugh still, and even though both your stomach and your lungs were begging you to stop the laughter kept coming on stronger as his face dropped further with confusion. “That’s not what I meant— So what, if people look pissed at their significant others, that might be PDA too? That makes everything so complicated though.”

You are crying. At the dumbness of the conversation, and the 5-year-old energy of what you both find to be funny. He laughs as well, especially when your hands under your head give out and you fall on top of somewhere between his chest and shoulder. It takes a while for both of you to stop and come to your senses, and when you do, he asks you something with a smile audible through the words. “Would you come to my games for good luck?”

Wiping at your eyes, you answer with a shrug. “Maybe. But you need to answer something first.”

“Hm?” Your finger points at the sky within an instant. “What do you prefer, the stars or the moon?” He must be dumbfounded, because he does not answer for some time. “The stars, I guess?”

Faking an overreaction, you also fake your voice to sound harsh. “Wrong! There was a line, and you crossed it. I’m not coming to the games, hope you have fun.” You giggle again, the sugar really hitting you now, and maybe the lack of sleep since the moon has started to shift down a little. Donghyuck looks at you and frowns. “Don’t use that tone with me, or I’ll kiss you.”

The laughter is still not over, and your eyes hurt with the continuous laughter. You did not even know if that was possible. “No you won’t— you never do!”

But then he does.

Chocolate infused into his lips, hovering on top of you, he kisses you on the field. His lips are soft, the kiss not so much, but he is kissing you and oh god it is going on. He actually means to kiss you.

So you place a hand on his neck to just enjoy the feeling and to feel in the moment. Put a bit more of yourself on your part into the kiss as well. He smiles. When he is not smiling, you smile— and you just do that. Take turns smiling, silently celebrating the kiss because finally.

This was a pretty nice way of sobering up.

[riverrivrain]

“Shut your mouth and run me like a river”

CHARACTER NAME River Rain Bathgate

GENDER AND PRONOUNS Cis-female, she 

AGE & DATE OF BIRTH 27, 17th of January 1993

OCCUPATION Waitress at Dutch’s 

PLACE OF BIRTH Pleasance

HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN IN PLEASANCE? Native, probably staying forever and always 

Shut your mouth, baby, stand and deliver Holy hands, will they make me a sinner?

Underneath the read more you can find an introduction to my little broken angel River, I’m M, so incredibly happy to be here and cannot wait to get to write with you all and plot.  Trigger Warning: tw rape, tw alcohol, tw memory loss, tw drugs 

@phqextras

Milestones 

17th of January 1993 - “It was the day of my birth, you know...!” Oh for how long she’d loved telling that story, as a child and later on a teenager growing up nothing seemed more exciting, or attention grabbing than getting to tell the story of the day she was born and the phrase that suddenly appeared all over town the following months, a phrase that - no pun intended - had the whole town holding its breath. Back then, when it was just bonfires with booze in thermo mugs to conceal the contents that were supposed to make them feel more grown up, the story was nothing but a tale she’d tell to impress or tease, depending on the audience, but now? After everything that happened? It was hard to tell the story, although she still did it, with the same excitement instead it now felt like some kind of dark, foreboding message that should have warned her from the very first day...quite literally. March 2000 - What would a girl like River be without some daddy issues, huh? Her father left her mom when River was 7, leaving her father to be the parent she still idolises due to only limited but brilliant memories of him, whereas her mother had always been blamed by her that the family fell apart. Something that wasn't exactly made their relationship when River grew older and both women, unbeknown to each other, had quite a similar character - especially when it came to men and the attention they craved from them. “My dad, when he was still around, he’d take me to Riff Raff’s sometimes..!” One of the only warm memories of her father (or just generally one of the only) and a prime example why, on those days when the world seems to be caving in, she still goes back there. It’s on the rare days that she leaves her house in an oversized sweatshirt without any make-up on, those days when pretending and impressing was not part of the menu. On those days one can find River in the back of the store, fingers gliding over all the records she used to look at with her dad, remembering the stories he’d tell her about the bands or specific songs. She doesn’t actually own a record player, has never bought a vinyl and yet, on the gloomiest of days it’s between the records and the many stories they hold that she seeks solitude.

2008 - 2011 - High school could have been the perfect experience and it really wasnt far from it. River was popular. Luscious brown hair, pouty, full lips, Bambi-like eyes and a personality to match it wasnt hard to see why the boys liked her and yet, she despite some mild rivalry, she wasnt the kind of girl the boys loved and the girls despised, quite the opposite, she was well included in the social scene of her school, never missing a party - both the official ones and those hidden away with booze in brown paper bags. But back then, drinking wasnt a sport and drugs were only recreational, something to do when you were bored, or perhaps wanted to seem cooler and more daring than you were - but it certainly had not had the same quality that it has today.  Graduation Night at Northwood High, 2011 -  Two boys drive a girl home, she’s drunk and passed out in the back seat. Rumours spread about what they did to her, or what she let them do to her and yet, the girl in the center of the story is the only one who remembers nothing. Memories and rumours easily shaped into one, making the truth the one thing that is impossible to filter out through all the noise. With a story that starts before your own memory, it is hard to trust your own mind and River, who perhaps once, before men started looking at her like prey, or even worse, others had looked at her as if they wanted to safe her, make her whole again, perhaps before that there would have been a chance that she’d left town. But much like the memories of that night, Rivers memories of any plans of dreams and wishes previously had and made had vanished, instead giving into one bad decision after the next in a desperate attempt to both, forget further and finally remember. Only added to the mystery (and the knot in Rivers stomach) is the way she woke up, not just without any memories, a dirtied and ripped up dress and no shoes - but where: 708 Bell Street, not in the house but in front of the Locust Tree. “Call me crazy but I swear that tree...Jenny, she probably knows more about what’s going on in this town than any of us!” Somewhere deep down River has had enough years to convince herself that Jenny, if she was truly in that tree, possibly is the only one to hold the real memories of what happened to Riv all those years ago - but now, saying that out loud would make her sound crazy, right? 

2011 - today 

Oh how the years had blurred since that fateful night. One shouldn't imagine that it would have affected the girl that much, but the girl who has slowly grown into a woman has never quite been the same. Community college was attended more or less frequently, though if anyone would ask her teachers they’d underline the less - and even if she was there, she was dazed. Either high or just tired from some kind of escapades from the night before. Its not to say that the brunette isn't smart, she is, there had been the possibility of a future, a job, perhaps even a career - but once she stopped trusting herself and gave into the rumour and the image the gossip around town had painted of her, it was easier to spend nights in seedy bars with even more seedy characters than it was to follow dreams that were long forgotten. None the less, sometimes the question what happened to the brunette with the bright, wide open eyes and the dream of an art history degree came back to her, only to be quieted and caged back in her heart much like Charles Bukowski once wrote in his poem: 

“There's a bluebird in my heart That wants to get out but I'm too tough I say: "Stay in there I'm not going to let anybody see"There's a bluebird in my heart That wants to get out but I pour whiskey I take a cigarette so the whores The bartenders, the grocery clerks Never know that he is in thereThere's a bluebird in my heart That wants to get out but I'm too tough I say: "Stay down Do you wanna mess me up? Do you wanna screw up all of my works?"There's a bluebird in my heart That wants to get out but I'm too clever I only let him out at night sometimes When everybody sleepsI say: "I know that you're there Don't be so sad, " that's what I said Then I put him back but he's always singing I don't let him die and we sleep together Like that with our secret pactIt's nice enough to make a little man weep But I don't weep, do you? It's nice enough to make a little man weep But I don't weep, do you?There is a bluebird messing with my heart What should I do with this little bird? There is a bluebird messing with my heart What could I do with this little bird? I'm turning into a bird, I'm turning into a bird So I will fly with this melancholy”

[miguel-manbemel]

Aspects & Fanfics Ep. 4: Once upon a Side: When Thomas Met Them All

Sometimes you get blocked and writing feels slow and jammed, like last week. Other times, the story flows through your mind and you write it all in a couple of days. That’s what happened with this new fanfic based on the “Sanders Sides” series by Thomas & Joan. As I always say. These fanfics ignore any content after “Embarrasing Phases...” (I know as of writing there’s nothing else yet, but just in the case someone reads it after a new episode is released). It also makes reference to previous entries of this blog, “Aspects & Fanfics”, so if you want to read them, you can click on my avatar. There’s a brief mention related to a Short. They’re not canonically related to Sanders Sides, but no characters from the shorts were introduced here.

SYNOPSIS: Joan and Talyn are worried about Thomas because they think he’s starting to believe that the Sanders Sides he mentions are real and suggest him that he maybe should go see a psychiatrist. Trying to tell them that he’s fine and to make them understand him better, Thomas starts telling Joan and Talyn about how he met each of the Sides in the different moments of his childhood.

WARNINGS: There is an scene of a missing child, where there are horrifying mentions, including to the Boogeyman and what may be considered brief gory expressions. I tried to dulcify them a bit, but they could still be a trigger to someone, hence the warning. Also mentions to self harm, accusations of madness, angst of many kinds and lots of tears.

EPISODE INDEX

[Thomas, Joan and Talyn are sitting in Thomas’ couch. Joan and Talyn show a serious and worried face. Thomas is puzzled, looking at them]

JOAN: Listen, Thomas, we need to talk about something we’ve been thinking about for quite some time. We cannot delay it any longer.

THOMAS: Yes, Joan, I know that you borrowed my black hoodie six months ago, you thought I didn’t see you taking it, but I did. Don’t worry, you can have it if you want. Just don’t tatter it, please.

JOAN: [happy] Really? Thanks, dude!

TALYN: [frowning] Joan, focus!

JOAN: [clears throat] Yeah, that’s cool, but that’s not what I was referring to…

[intro sequence]

JOAN: Okay, Thomas. I’ll go to the point. Are you feeling okay?

THOMAS: What do you mean by that?

TALYN: The other day, with the pizza thing, you left us… worried.

JOAN: About your imaginary friends, the ones you call… Sanders Sides.

THOMAS: Oh… I understand. Don’t worry, guys, I’m perfectly fine. I know that the Sides are imaginary.

JOAN: But the other day you spoke as if they were real.

TALYN: Yeah, you literally said that you practiced the pizza recipe with them.

THOMAS: [showing total conviction and lack of concern] And they’re real, guys.

JOAN: [a bit scared] What?

TALYN: Thomas, I hope you realize that doesn’t make any sense.

THOMAS: It does to me, Talyn. They may be in my imagination, but that doesn’t mean they’re not real. They are mental projections of myself. They help me cope with my bad feelings and make me feel better. To me, that’s very real. And you shouldn’t worry. I’m good. I’m not gonna come out of this house with a knife in my hand, drive to your house and kill you in the shower. I’m not a psycho or anything like that. It’s like those kids that have an imaginary friend. They talk to them, tell them their worries and that makes them feel better. That is what I do.

JOAN: [a little angry out of their concern] But Thomas, those are little kids! You’re a thirty year old grown up man! The other day, Dominic saw you outside talking to nothing, shouting like a maniac! He thought you were having a nervous breakdown! He even phoned me to ask me if you were okay! [a tear runs down their cheek] I’m really scared for you, Thomas! Ever since you had that horrible break-up two years ago, you have been acting weird, and I don’t know what to do to help you! You’re my best friend. You’re one of the people I love most in this world, along with Talyn, and I’m scared that something is happening to you… in your head, or where-ever! [breaking down in tears] Please, tell me what can I do, because I want to help you! Please, let me help you, Thomas! Please!

[Joan hugs Talyn and silently sobs for a while in their shoulder. Talyn looks at them and Thomas with the saddest and most concerned face. Thomas looks at them both sadly without saying a word]

TALYN: Joan speaks for both of us, Thomas.

THOMAS: [after a moment of silence] I’m so sorry, Joan. I’m sorry I made you feel like this… But it’s not related to that break-up. It was hard, but I managed to move forward from it… thanks to the Sides…

JOAN: [yelling angry] Oh, for crying out-loud, stop mentioning these f… [bleep] fake doodles, will ya!?

TALYN: Joan, calm down. Getting nervous and shouting won’t solve anything.

JOAN: [putting themselves together] You’re right… Sorry, Thomas.

THOMAS: If only you could understand me.

TALYN: We want to understand you. We really do. But we don’t know how.

THOMAS: I think I know how. You may start understanding me if tell you how I met each of the Sides…

JOAN: What the…?

TALYN: We’d be glad to hear it. [to Joan, as in a stage whisper that Thomas doesn’t hear] It will be better to just follow the flow and act as if we believe him, Joan. At least we’ll be able to understand him better and to help him. And who knows, maybe it will help him feel better too.

JOAN: Maybe you’re right… [to Thomas] Yes, Thomas, tell us how you met the… Sanders Sides.

THOMAS: Okay. First I must say that I didn’t meet them all at the same time. They appeared one by one, right when I needed them in different moments of my life. The first encounter was long, long ago. I was like four years old. Mom, dad, my brothers and I had gone together to the beach. I was playing in the sand, making sand castles… You know, all that kid’s stuff…

[As he’s saying this, there is a scene of little Thomas playing in the beach. His voice of present day is heard narrating the scene]

THOMAS: Suddenly I felt someone was watching me. I turned back, and I saw a little kid, just my age, wearing red bathing trunks and a white shirt. He was looking at me without saying a word. At that time I wasn’t as shy as I am nowadays with new people, so I spoke to him.

YOUNG THOMAS: [happily] Hi!

KID: [shy] Hi…

YOUNG THOMAS: Wanna play?

KID: [showing a happy surprise] Can I?

YOUNG THOMAS: Yes!

KID: [happy] Good! Thank you!

[The kid joins Thomas and starts playing with him. They together make a sand castle]

YOUNG THOMAS: This is fun!

KID: One day, I will live in a castle like this, but bigger!

YOUNG THOMAS: Really?

KID: Yes. And I will be a prince, the best prince in the world! I will fight dragons, I will win battles and I will rescue the princess! And we will be happy forever and ever and ever!

YOUNG THOMAS: What is your name?

KID: I have told you, I am the Prince. Call me Princey.

YOUNG THOMAS: Hello, Princey. My name is Thomas.

YOUNG PRINCEY: I know, Thomas.

YOUNG THOMAS: You know?

YOUNG PRINCEY: Yes, I have been here for a while now and I heard a lot about you. I’m happy to have met you. Well, it was fun, but now I must go.

YOUNG THOMAS: [disappointed] Don’t you want to play with me any longer?

YOUNG PRINCEY: [sinking down in the sand] Yes I do, and we will play a lot together, but have patience. You’ll see me again soon, I promise. Goodbye, Thomas…

YOUNG THOMAS: [not giving importance to Princey’s weird way of disappearing, neither noticing his mom has sat down next to him, waving happily] Bye, Princey!

THOMAS’ MOM: Who are you talking to, Thomas?

YOUNG THOMAS: I’m talking with my friend, mom. He’s a prince and lives in this castle, and he’s rescuing princesses and fighting witches!

THOMAS’ MOM: Oh, that’s nice. I wish I had an imagination as vivid as you do, darling.

[Back to the present]

THOMAS: And that was my first encounter with Princey, or as I know him now, Prince Roman, my Creativity. I didn’t know it yet, but that was going to be a life changing day. In the following months, he’d appear in my room when I was playing. He invented new stories and we played dress-up together. When I started singing at school, he gave me tips to improve my voice day by day. My parents thought he was an imaginary friend, something normal at my age. That was until one day Princey asked me to stop mentioning him to my family, that our encounters had to be a secret from then on, for my own sake. And so I stopped mentioning him, but I never stopped seeing him. He’s been such a huge part of my life since that day in the beach I don’t know how my life would have turned out without him.

TALYN: That is a sweet story, Thomas.

THOMAS: [smiling] Yes, it was. [his smile drops] My encounter with the next Side wouldn’t be as sweet, unfortunately. On the contrary, it was horrible.

JOAN: What do you mean?

[We see the scene when Thomas starts narrating it]

THOMAS: It was a few months after meeting Roman. I had gone with my family to a Wallmart, to buy some groceries and other stuff I guess. When we approached the toys aisle, my brothers and I went to see them. I don’t know how it happened. I guess everyone lost sight of me for a second, I don’t know, but I walked away from the aisle unnoticed, and when I turned back, they were all gone. I was alone, lost and scared. I started walking all around the Wallmart. I looked in all directions, too scared to say a word, and strangely enough, I didn’t cry. Then I had the same feeling I had months before, that someone was watching me. I looked back and I saw another kid just like me. He was dressed with black trousers and a purple shirt. I didn’t know yet, but he was Virgil, my Anxiety.

YOUNG VIRGIL: Thomas, stop right where you are.

YOUNG THOMAS: But I have to find my mommy and daddy! What if they go home without me? What if they leave me here and I have to live in this place forever? I don’t want to live here! I want to go home with them!

YOUNG VIRGIL: I know, Thomas, but if you don’t stop moving, they will never find you and you may never see them again. You must stay where you are, sit down if you must, and don’t move an inch. Just lift your head and look around and, eventually, you will be found, and everything will be fine. You’ll see.

YOUNG THOMAS: [starts walking again] No, I must find them!

YOUNG VIRGIL: [threatening demonic voice, while Virgil’s music theme is heard] THOMAS! If you take one more step, I will call the Boogeyman! He will put you in his sack and take you to the Land of Horrors, where he will eat you piece by piece with fries and ketchup, and you’ll never see your mom or dad ever again!

[Thomas freezes, looks at Virgil in horror and after a moment of shock starts crying out-loud]

YOUNG THOMAS: [sobbing] You’re mean! You’re mean!

YOUNG VIRGIL: [sad, remorseful face, with normal voice] I’m sorry, I didn’t want to, but… I had no choice… I’m sorry…

[Thomas starts crying even louder and calls the attention of one of the shop clerks. At that point, Virgil sinks down and disappears, though the clerk doesn’t seem to see him]

SHOP CLERK: Whats the matter, little boy? Are you lost?

YOUNG THOMAS: [sobbing in hiccups] I… can’t… find my… mommy or… daddy! And… now… the Boogeyman… will take me!

SHOP CLERK: [comforting him] Okay, okay, calm down, everything will be fine, don’t worry. You’re safe now with me, and that Boogeyman won’t touch you, I won’t let him. We will find your mom and dad. Calm down…

[from the next aisle, alerted by the cries, Thomas’ mom appears running to Thomas and hugs him]

THOMAS’ MOM: [mixed voice of distress and relief, talking quickly] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Thomas! My boy!

YOUNG THOMAS: [crying, hugging to her, squeezing her as if he was afraid of falling to an abyss if he got loose off her] Mommy! Mommy!

SHOP CLERK: [smiling] I’m glad you found him, ma’am. The poor boy really got the fright of his life.

THOMAS’ MOM: [to the shop clerk, with a grateful crying voice] Thank you so much for finding my son, sir! God bless you! [to Thomas] Thomas, don’t ever do that again! I thought I had lost you! I was so afraid! Oh, thank God you’re okay!

YOUNG THOMAS: [crying] I’m sorry… I’m sorry…

[back to the present]

THOMAS: Now I see that Virgil did that for my own good, but at the time I hated him. And I feared him so much. That was the time I started developing all my fears that, together with the bullying I suffered later at school, eventually resulted in my social anxiety. I kept on being afraid of him and rejecting him any time I saw him. As a result, he started acting like a threat all the time, because he thought that was the only way I payed attention to him. And he was right. Only recently we started understanding each other, and now I see him as one of the best of the Sides, because he has always wanted to protect me. I really love that dark emo weirdo.

TALYN: It’s good that this story at least has a happy ending, but gosh, what you had to go through that day… it was horrible. A mother’s and a child’s shared worst nightmare.

JOAN: You did tell me long ago about when you got lost on a Wallmart as a kid, I remember. You forgot to mention Virgil, though.

THOMAS: I know, sorry.

TALYN: Are there any more Sides, or…?

THOMAS: Oh, yes, there are. I met the next Side, when I started learning how to read and write at school.

[We see the scene Thomas is narrating]

THOMAS: I was home back from school, and the teacher had given us a little notebook with the vowels that we had to copy, to practice our calligraphy. And there I was, trying to write vowels and struggling to do it right with not much luck, when I suddenly heard a voice next to me that startled me. After the experience with Virgil, I was no longer as naive as I was before. I looked around and I saw a kid like me, wearing glasses and a school uniform, like the ones you can see in so many anime series. Later I’d know that his name was Logan, and he was my Logic and my acquired knowledge.

YOUNG LOGAN: Interesting. This writing thing is so unique and mind blowing… But, Thomas, your calligraphy is awful.

YOUNG THOMAS: Who are you?

YOUNG LOGAN: I’m just a friend that doesn’t like what he’s reading. Why are you writing so bad?

YOUNG THOMAS: I just started writing. I can’t do it any better.

YOUNG LOGAN: No, Thomas, there’s more than that. Are you holding the pencil properly? Are you pushing it to the paper with the strength you need, neither too hard nor too weak? Are you using the correct paper, pencils and other utils? Did you sharpen your pencil? Did you…?

YOUNG THOMAS: Why do you talk so much?

YOUNG LOGAN: Well, that’s what I do, I absorb the knowledge you learn so you can use it, and I help you improve it to its maximum level. That’s my job.

YOUNG THOMAS: Well I’m trying. But I can’t. My hand is too shaky and I can’t control it.

YOUNG LOGAN: [thinks for a moment] Mmmm… you say your hand is shaky? That explains the horrendous calligraphy… [his face lights up after realizing the possible issue] Aaaahhh… I think I’ve got an idea. Try the other hand.

YOUNG THOMAS: But the teacher told us to use our right hand to write.

YOUNG LOGAN: Just try it, Thomas. As an experiment.

YOUNG THOMAS: Okay…

[Thomas changes the pencil to his left hand and starts writing. To his surprise, he holds the pencil with a lot more security and he gets a much better calligraphy because of that]

YOUNG THOMAS: It is easier now! [happy] It’s so nice I can write now!

YOUNG LOGAN: As I guessed, Thomas. You’re left handed. That means you use your left hand better than your right hand. You should always use that hand to write.

YOUNG THOMAS: But what if the teacher doesn’t let me use my left hand.

YOUNG LOGAN: Then I suggest telling your mom that you can’t write with your right hand. I’m sure she’ll know what to do and she’ll talk to your teacher.

YOUNG THOMAS: Thank you for helping me…

YOUNG LOGAN: Just call me Logic, Thomas. It was my pleasure. Seeing people learning is what fills my heart with joy the most. Someday I’ll be a serious teacher with a necktie and all. For now, let me be your senpai.

YOUNG THOMAS: My what?

YOUNG LOGAN: Don’t worry, you’ll learn the meaning of that word some day.

THOMAS’ MOM: [voice from downstairs] Thomas, it’s dinner time! Are you done with your homework yet? Do you need any help from me or your brothers?

YOUNG THOMAS: No, mom, I’m done!

YOUNG LOGAN: [sinking down] Well, I’ll leave you now. Until we meet again, Thomas.

YOUNG THOMAS: [waving] Byeee! [going downstairs] I’m coming now, mom, I’m hungry!

[back to the present]

THOMAS: Since then, Logic, or Logan, was there every time I learned something new at school. He helped me improve each skill or data I learned and also helped me combine knowledge facts to form new ones through logical mechanisms.

JOAN: He was your logic, in one word.

THOMAS: Yep, that’s right.

JOAN: Are there many more Sides to come yet?

THOMAS: I’m almost done, Joan. The next one came in when I was no longer a child. I was a preadolescent, you know, that age when puberty starts knocking at your door, but you haven’t opened it yet. I was still a child at heart and everything, but I started having… other feelings.

TALYN: You mean you were discovering your love preferences?

[we see the scene as Thomas narrates it]

THOMAS: Yes. It was during my senior year in middle school, when I started looking at the guys in my class in a different way. In a way that scared me a lot. Because I had been raised as a Catholic and I was taught at church that boys had to be with girls and girls had to be with boys, and all the rest was a sin. So, the thought of having that feeling towards other boys got me worried, thinking that I would burn in hell, that my friends would reject me, that my family would be upset or disappointed at me… so many things at once, and none of them good. That, until one day, when I was at the park, I saw a beautiful guy my age in the distance. He was so cute. But I froze and didn’t speak to him out of fear, not only of his response, but also thinking that it would be wrong if I did it. Then, as other times, I heard a voice next to me. It was Roman, or as I still called him then, Princey.

PRINCEY: He’s really cute, isn’t he?

YOUNG THOMAS: Yes, yes he is.

PRINCEY: Why don’t you talk to him?

YOUNG THOMAS: What? No! I can’t! It’s wrong!

VOICE: [next to him] Are you sure of that, though?

THOMAS: [voice from the present, narrating] I looked at the other side, and there he was. He looked just exactly as he looks now, as an adult version of me, with a blue polo shirt, brown pants, a gray cardigan wrapped around his shoulders, black glasses and a cheerful smile. He would later tell me that, as he was my inner child, it was unfitting to look like a child on the outside too, so he chose to look as an adult with the soul of a child right from the beginning. He called himself simply Dad. Now we still call him like that, but later I’d know that his name was Patton, and he was my Morality.

YOUNG THOMAS: Who are you, sir?

PRINCEY: Yes, who are you?

YOUNG THOMAS: You can see him?

PRINCEY: Yes, he’s a Side like me.

YOUNG THOMAS: A Side? That’s how all of you name yourselves? Sides?

PATTON: Yes, kiddo. That’s how we are called. But let’s not divert the conversation. Why do you think it’s wrong to like that boy?

YOUNG THOMAS: Because it is! I’m not allowed to like boys. I’m supposed to like girls. That’s the right thing to do! If I did otherwise, my parents, my family, everybody I love would hate me!

PATTON: You know, kiddo? I don’t think that’s true. Do your mom and dad love you now?

YOUNG THOMAS: Yes, I think so.

PATTON: And do you love them?

YOUNG THOMAS: Of course I do.

PATTON: How much do you love them?

YOUNG THOMAS: With all my heart.

PATTON: Do you think their love for you is any weaker, Thomas? I’m sure, they’ll accept you just the way you are. They may need time to adjust, but they should never hate you. They’re your parents and you’re their son. Only the worst people would break a bond like that for a reason like this, and your parents seem like good people. Besides, it’s not like you have chosen to feel like this anyway. Each person is born a certain way. Some people are blond, some people are red haired. Some people are tall, others are short. Some people love women and some people love men. And all of these traits are independent from the fact that they’re women, men or non-binary people themselves.

ROMAN: I agree with him, Thomas. Romance is romance, and love is love. Who loves who is irrelevant to the feeling.

PATTON: And no one in this world could convince me that real love, in any form it chooses, could be wrong.

YOUNG THOMAS: I… I think you’re right. But I don’t think my family or my friends would agree on that. I’m too scared to tell them.

PATTON: Just take your time, kiddo. One step in front of the other. You may feel like that today, but I’m sure some day you’ll find the way and the courage to let yourself be yourself and let yourself love whoever you wanna love. Not only that, you’ll be proud of it. And when you do that, everyone who truly loves you will be proud of you too. And if there may be someone who isn’t and you see they don’t have any intention to be… well, then it’s their fault, not yours, and you don’t need them in your life anyway if that’s gonna be their attitude. But we’ll see how everything comes out, in time.

YOUNG THOMAS: In time. When I’m ready.

PATTON: When you are. And then I’ll tell you: nice to meet you, Ready, I’m Dad!

[Thomas, Roman and Patton start laughing]

[back to the present]

THOMAS: It was, not only my first encounter with Patton, but the first conversation I had with two Sides at the same time to work out an issue. A prelude of many conversations I would have with them in the most crucial moments of my life. They’re a huge part of my life. I couldn’t live without them. And they’re real, Joan.

JOAN: Of course, Thomas. Now I see why you consider them real. You project your own thoughts into them so you can cope with them, and that’s fine. Maybe I was wrong, I don’t think there’s anything bad in this.

THOMAS: No, Joan, I mean they’re real, real.

JOAN: [scared] What?

THOMAS: They come to me and talk to me, and not only that, I can physically touch them and they can physically touch me.

JOAN: Thomas, that’s not possible.

THOMAS: Do you want some proof?

TALYN: Are you going to tell us that you have proof that the Sanders Sides are real?

THOMAS: Yes!

JOAN: Then show us. Let’s end this mess once and for all.

THOMAS: Fine. Look at me, at my head in the back.

JOAN: What?

[Thomas turns back and sits squatting in front of Joan and Talyn.]

THOMAS: Look over there, in the hair, a little above the nape. Feel it. Do you feel it?

[Joan puts their fingers in the zone Thomas indicated and they feel something]

JOAN: Yes, I do. What is this? It looks like a…

TALYN: [feeling it too] … like a bulging scar.

JOAN: How did that happen?

THOMAS: It was Logan around a year ago.

JOAN: What?

THOMAS: Yes, he was trying to make me react when Virgil disappeared back then and he threw a laptop behind me, right at my head. I didn’t know it in the moment, but he had caused me a wound over there. I needed stitches and I got that scar as a memento. That’s the proof that the Sides are real. How could I do that scar to myself in such an inaccessible zone of my back?

JOAN: Suure… Suure… [to Talyn] This is worse than I thought. He’s harming himself. We need to call his family, he needs to see a doctor before he gets worse.

TALYN: You’re right. I’ll call right now.

THOMAS: [showing he’s heard them] I tell you that I did not do that myself! Please believe me!

TALYN: Please trust us, Thomas. Let us help you and don’t make a scene. It’s for your own good.

THOMAS: [yelling in despair] Guys, I’m not crazy! I swear!

JOAN: [trying to hold him] Thomas, calm down! Talyn, call now!

[suddenly Patton’s voice is heard]

PATTON: I can’t help it anymore! He needs our help, guys!

JOAN: [confused] What? What is that voice? Thomas, was it you? Now you’re a ventriloquist as well?

THOMAS: Did I even make a sound? I swear I never made a sound.

LOGAN: [his voice is heard too] But we can’t rise up in front of other people other than Thomas. It’s dangerous. What could happen to Thomas if we did?

TALYN: [a little scared] Now I’m hearing voices too.

THOMAS: [with a mix of triumphant and worried face] I told you, guys.

JOAN: You mean these voices are…

PATTON: And what will happen to Thomas if we don’t? They’ll put Thomas in an asylum, and we could lose contact with him forever. Do you want that? Anyway, Logan, I think they’re hearing us, so we have no choice anymore. We have to rise up.

LOGAN: Yes, I guess you’re right. Let’s hope nothing bad happens.

[Patton rises up in his spot. Joan and Talyn scream, scared]

PATTON: What is up, everybody? Sorry I took your line, Thomas, you didn’t say it this time, and I felt like something was missing all the time.

[Logan rises up in his spot too]

LOGAN: How are you, Thomas’ friends?

THOMAS: Hi, Patton. Hi, Logan.

[Thomas, Joan and Talyn get up from the couch and approach Thomas’ usual spot in the middle of the living room, Joan and Talyn look at Logan and Patton with a mixed face of slight horror, disbelief and curiosity]

JOAN: I… I can’t believe my eyes.

LOGAN: But your eyes didn’t tell you any falsehood, Joan, they don’t have mouths to speak. Do they?

ROMAN: [rising up] It’s a metaphor, Doctor Rapper. [to Joan and Talyn] Greetings, commoners.

[Joan and Talyn get startled at Roman’s appearance]

THOMAS: Okay, I think they won’t endure many more scare-jumps, so everybody get out right now. Virgil, Deceit!

[Virgil and Deceit appear in their spots]

VIRGIL: I really hope this doesn’t end bad.

DECEIT: There’s no reason to feel concerned at all…

JOAN: [pointing at Deceit] You didn’t mention that one in your story, Thomas.

THOMAS: Oh, I just met him last year, and I didn’t know about him until then. There’s another one, however I’ve known him for a little longer, I’ll call him. Ho…

VIRGIL: [worried, looking at Deceit and then at Thomas] Umm… no, Thomas. Honesty won’t be coming now. He was busy in his room and has entered autopilot for the moment. Don’t bother calling him.

THOMAS: [looking at Deceit and thinking Virgil is trying to avoid a fight between Deceit and Honesty] Oh, that’s right. Honesty won’t be coming. But I’ll tell you about him later.

DECEIT: [sarcastic] I feel so devastated that my dearest and beloved friend Honesty is not ready to come here now! What a pity!

LOGAN: By the way, Thomas, I just heard that I caused you a huge wound in your head when I threw you that laptop, so I apologize for that. It wasn’t my intention.

THOMAS: It’s okay, Logan. It doesn’t hurt anymore.

JOAN: Okay, okay. Let me get this straight…

ROMAN: Good luck with that!

LOGAN: Same joke, Roman.

JOAN: …whatever. So you’re the Sanders Sides? You’re real?

PATTON: Yes, kiddo. We’re part of Thomas, so we’re real.

JOAN: But how is this possible?

TALYN: I’m reeling over this…

LOGAN: Let me explain. We are physical mental projections from Thomas’ mind. We’re real because Thomas wished hard enough for us to be real. And now, he has the ability, or power, you may call it, of doing the same with any aspect of his mind, don’t ask me why he has this power or how exactly it does work because it would be too complicated for a human mind to understand. Even Thomas himself doesn’t know much about his ability. Most of the times, if not all of them, he’s not conscious of doing it. That’s why he doesn’t know all of the Sides that exist inside of him and are yet to be revealed. In time, he’ll know… maybe.

ROMAN: Now listen, this must be a secret, guys. You must promise right now that you will never, ever, tell anybody that we exist.

VIRGIL: If people knew of our existence, that wouldn’t be good for Thomas.

LOGAN: Yeah, he could become an object of study in a cold laboratory, being sliced and opened up in a dissection table, and…

ROMAN: Logan, don’t be over dramatic. First you wanted to get Virgil’s spot and now you want mine? No way!

LOGAN: … okay, I got carried away. But the point is it wouldn’t be good for Thomas.

PATTON: I’m not worrying too much, you guys. Joan and Talyn are Thomas’ best friends. They love him and I’m sure they know the right thing to do for his well being. Right, kiddos?

JOAN: Yes, you’re right, Patton. Okay, we promise to never tell this to anyone.

THOMAS: “Anyone” includes my family, your family or any of our friends. No one in this world must know.

JOAN: Yes, Thomas, we solemnly swear we’ll never reveal this secret. Right, Talyn?

TALYN: Right, Joan. I join in that oath too.

THOMAS: Thank you. Thank you, so much, you guys. And I’m so glad I can finally share this experience with someone, no one better than my best friends.

LOGAN: [to Joan] By the way, do you have any tips about good rapping? I heard you were an expert on it.

JOAN: Oh, you’re a rapper too? That’s cool!

VIRGIL: [to Talyn] I really love your eyebrows. What a cool use of color.

TALYN: Are you kidding? Your eye-shadow is the coolest thing ever! I couldn’t do it any better, and I tried.

ROMAN: Logan, don’t keep Joan to yourself! I want them to show me some good new songs to sing!

[Joan, Talyn and the Sides start talking while the camera zooms on Thomas]

THOMAS: Well, I can’t wait to see where this takes us in the future. For the moment, and until next time, take it easy, guys, gals and non-binary pals. Peace out!

[end card]

JOAN: … no, Logan. That doesn’t rhyme at all.

LOGAN: Really?

PATTON: If they say so, it must be correct, right?

DECEIT: I’m truly enjoying this conversation, but can I leave now?

VIRGIL: I don’t understand what are you still doing here. Go away already. [to Talyn] You see, Talyn, at first I used an eyeliner to do my makeup, but it didn’t get much dark.

TALYN: Of course it doesn’t. Eye-shadow is so much better. You get a better gradient and the darkness matches your aspect as it should. An eyeliner is something too simple. It sounds as something Thomas would do, right?

VIRGIL: [chuckles] Right.

ROMAN: [to the camera] If we get any more meta today, we’re all gonna be ganadores of this carrera…

[teamkaiforever]

TREAT YOU BETTER

Kai Parker x Reader word count: 6 808 / reading time: 25 minutes warnings: possible triggers, mentions of violence and abuse, characters’ death… summary: (kind of) based on the song ‘Treat You Better’ by Shawn Mendes /// continues the story from LOCA…  |  note: i say ‘kind of’ cuz i am not really sure what happened in the end while writing, but the song had its influence on the story. and if something like that happens in real life to you – please don’t stay silent. there are people who are going to help, don’t be afraid to ask for help. KEEP READING AFTER THE CUT and let me know what you thought after reading it. good or bad – i wanna hear it and feedback is always appreciated. ☺*gif by me ________________________________________

Her hand swung at him just as he ducked and spun her around so her back rested against his chest, his hands wrapped around her tightly for a moment as they caught their breath before he let go off her. Y/N took a step back, pushing a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand before she faced him again. His eyes sparkled like she had never seen them before and even though he hadn’t said a word to her but just had motioned with his hand she knew exactly what he meant – he was telling her to have another go at him. Her hand, balled into a fist flew at him landing just in his palm while she raised her leg and tried to kick him only to have him slam her against the ground.     “Cheater.” she muttered, starring at him as he took a step towards her with his hands on his waist and a goofy grin on his face. He started to say something when she stretched her leg and tripped him, making him to fall right next to her. In a flash she flipped herself back on her feet and started laughing. “Whoops…” Kai tossed her a bottle with water and flipped himself back on his feet. “Oh and I am the cheater?” he laughed, watching a couple of sweat drops go down her stomach. “What about you?”     “Always do what the other doesn’t expect right?” she took a large sip from her water, almost emptying the entire bottle. She tossed the semi empty bottle on the ground and assumed position – her hands before her body, ready to deflect and/or throw a punch. “Let’s go again –“     “No.” his fingers wrapped around her wrists. “We agreed I’d train you so you can defend yourself just in case. Not that I’d break you… or make you so sweaty and hot looking as if we had um –“ he rubbed his nose and cleared his throat. “Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you did I?”     “I’m… amazing.” she laughed. Kai muttered a ‘yeah?’ “I don’t think I’ve ever been better actually. Though I am a little bruised, sore… and kinda hungry.” Kai laughed, bent over to get her backpack and his things, gathering them all in a flash. “Race you to the house?”     “No vampire privileges?”     “None, boss.” he laughed. “Catch me if you can –“ he winked at her and ran in the direction of the boarding house.

Her hands braced against the tree as she came to a stop. It was almost completely dark, the full moon lighting her way and if it wasn’t for the piled up snow around her she probably wouldn’t have seen a thing in the woods. Temperatures must’ve dropped below 0C but she didn’t feel anything. Not the cold, not her feelings, nor the pain she should’ve felt in her legs from the running through the snow. Why hadn’t she listened to him? Why had she decided to give her boyfriend one more chance, choosing to believe the best instead of preparing herself for what was going to happen?

To say things hadn’t worked out how she had expected would’ve been an understatement. Tommy, her boyfriend, hadn’t hurt her, not directly anyways but what he had said only an hour ago right before she had stormed out of his family’s cabin echoed in her mind so loud she felt her eyes starting to sting with tears. Or perhaps she was finally starting to feel the cold around her and Jack Frost nipping at her nose…and cheeks. What a fool she had been to think things would be different this time… that maybe this trip was a way for them to save what they had or at least end it on a good note. Now all she wanted was to go home, run into her best friends’ arms and maybe, just maybe be able to breathe again.

For a moment she pulled out the necklace Kai had given her, holding it in her palm as her fingers wrapped around it and she could almost feel him there with her. Her lips curled up a little seeing his initials engraved on the back side, almost glowing in the darkness. HOO, the sound made her jump up. Y/N looked around noticing an owl not too far away from her, watching her with curious eyes as if expecting her to throw something or attack in a way. Instead all she did was tuck in her necklace safely, wrap her hands around herself instinctively rubbing them up and down her body in an attempt to warm up as much as she could. Cold north wind blew from nowhere making the trees sway lightly and her cheeks feel like they were burning. Y/N wished she could call him. Surely he’d find a way to locate her, her best friend was a heretic after all, but in her hurry to get away from her abusive cheating and now x-boyfriend, she had forgotten her phone.

Y/N stared after Kai for a moment, laughed under her breath and chased after him. Almost two weeks had passed since the night her best friend had found out what had really been going on and now he was rarely away from her; always guarding her and keeping her safe.  He didn’t care what her friends or her boyfriend might say and every time Tommy was around, Y/N could literally feel the air around her thicken and Kai tense while he tried hard not to strangle him. Tommy’s surprise apology trip had gotten delayed due to his football games schedule – no way the captain would ditch the team, and there really weren’t any complaints from her. In fact she felt more than relieved the trip had been postponed and hopefully he’d forget about it and she wouldn’t have to go. On the other hand lately her boyfriend had been sweeter, kinder, and the “accidents” where he lost his temper had almost disappeared. Almost…    “Gotcha—“ she tackled him on the ground, falling on top of him.  “S-sorry. I need to learn how to stop without taking everyone down with me –” Kai rolled on top of her. “Speedy.” he teased her, gazing longingly into her eyes for a moment before getting up and offering her a hand to help her up. “So um, can I – can I ask you something?” Y/N patted the dried leafs from her butt and looked at him. “No. You as my best friend cannot ask me anything. That is not allowed.” she said serious, her lips curling into a grin a moment later. “Since when do you ask permission to ask me things?”    “Since I need a completely honest answer.”    “I’m always honest with you… except when I didn’t tell you about what had happened –“    “Are we going to get back together?” he interrupted her. “N-not right now, obviously but after… if – d-do you – I –“ he took a step towards her until their bodies almost touched. “This is killing me. Watching you with him is killing me. Not only because he can do what I can’t but because he is not – he is not right for you. You deserve someone who can make you happy… not someone who fills your eyes with tears. Why –” he shrugged his shoulders lightly. “– why are you still with him when you should be with me instead? You deserve someone who treats you better, someone who will treat you like a gentleman. Every girl deserves that and… I know I let you down once, but I will never do that again and I know you feel like you have to do this alone, but you don’t. You have me and you will always have me. I just… I want to wake up with you. I want to give you everything you want and deserve –”     “You have to know –“ she put her hand over his heart, feeling his heartbeat. “—that no matter what happens it’s always going to be you and me. You have a permanent place in my heart not just as my best friend. You are the person with whom even in a thousand years I will want to wake up every morning, to feel your lips on mine –“ she smiled, feeling him exhale in relief. His palm brushed against her cheek, making her lean into it and he slowly leaned towards her before his hand slid down from her shoulder to her fingers, holding it just for a moment. “Hell… absolute Hell.”    “Tell me about it.” he whispered. “One of those times I won’t be able to stop myself –“ he pursued his lips and took a step away from her. “Come on, have you decided what you want for lunch?”    “I don’t know. Surprise me –“ Y/N took a step towards the house with Kai by her side and he put his hand around her shoulders, his touch quite literally sending sparks all over her body. She looked up at him for a few seconds, before her gaze drifted towards the house and something caught her attention going down the visible part of the road. Almost instantly she stopped in her tracks.    “Are you okay?” he asked worried. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have –“    “No, no –“ she swallowed. “He is not supposed to be here. He – he has practice –“ A couple more minutes passed, or maybe it was hours, Y/N wasn’t sure, before she caught a glimpse of the road ahead. Car lights illuminated the road for a couple moments and then they were gone, though that was more than enough to give her strength to walk faster. Her body felt like a popsicle, her lips were almost frozen together and her feet were so cold she could barely feel them let alone will them to run. Taking a step further, she slipped and fell downhill stopping right after her head went smack right into a tree.

Weakly she got up and braced her hand against the stump, ignoring the throbbing pain in her forehead and the warm liquid trickling down her temples. A couple more steps. You can do it. she told herself and pushed herself off the tree instantly feeling dizzier than ever. Her hand shot for her head and she gulped seeing the blood on her glove. Ever since she had been little blood had had the ability to make her faint on the spot; the color, the light metallic scent most humans couldn’t pick up were enough to make her squeamish –   No, she took a deep breath from the cold air. No, don’t faint. Not now.

A couple hundred meters ahead another car’s headlights illuminated the road. Y/N swallowed hard, taking in a breath from the cold air in an attempt to clear her head and made her way towards the road, hopping on the asphalt a few moments later. She waved her hands at the driver, hoping they’d stop and sure enough, not more than 5 meters away from her the car came to a halt, the driver’s door opened and a tall figure stepped out.

    “Please help me –“ she said as loud as she could, taking a step towards the figure. “I need to –“ her hand shot for her head, a wave of nausea coming over her. “I need to call my best fri—“ she started to fall because she slipped, or maybe it was because her limps were so frozen, she wasn’t sure. What she was sure of was that someone caught her, but she couldn’t see who. Someone’s warm fingers brushed against here cheek… and next moment everything went dark.

Kai glanced at the house, noticing Tommy get out of his car and head towards the entrance. None of her friends liked Tommy much. In fact during the past few weeks really it seemed like they had started to actually like him and deep down he knew no one would say a word to Tommy about where she was. Or who she was with at the moment. “You haven’t told him you are leaving, have you?”  Y/N shook her head. “I’ll go with you –“     “No. I appreciate the offer but that will only make him angrier –“ she said quietly, glancing behind Kai. “What are they saying?” Kai took a deep breath and focused on the conversation going on between her boyfriend and Stefan in that moment. It seemed like practice had been cancelled and he had been calling Y/N who hadn’t been picking up her phone, probably because she had had the volume turned off the moment Kai had appeared at her place to pick her up.  “He wants to know where you are and with who… and apparently, according to Stephon you are having lunch at the Grill with Caroline.”     “How fast can we get there?” wondered Y/N, a bit of a panic in her voice. Kai, wrapped his arms around her rubbing gentle circles on her back. “Kai, don’t –“ Y/N pushed him away and ran towards the house leaving him wondering what he had done wrong. It wasn’t like she wanted to do this, but with the panic taking over her… what her boyfriend would do if he figures out where she has been and with who –    “Y/N, wait –“ Kai grabbed her from behind, lifting her feet off the ground. How had she wound up in this situation? What had been the thing that had made her fall for that guy? How could she had been so blind not to see what she was getting herself into?! Tears threatened to start falling down her cheeks at any moment as she continued to tear herself free from Kai’s grasp. Kai, the only person who had only ever treated her as if she was a princess. Surely they argued but their arguments weren’t really arguments – “Stop. Hey, hey… calm down.”     Kai let her feet on the ground and force spun her around, holding her wrists in place before she had tried to run again. Her eyes darted all around the woods and the second they met with his, he pulled her into his arms and the tears started to fall. “You are not alone okay. You have me. He won’t touch you ever again, I’ll make sure of that. I promise.”    A minute or more passed before she started to calm down. Quickly she wiped the tears from her cheeks, put her hand on her forehead while her gaze drifted towards one of the rocks nearby. Focus, she thought. “Come on –“ he whooshed them to the house. Then through the window on the second floor when Stefan popped up from downstairs. “Can we –“ started Kai when Stefan raised his eyebrows. “—she get a shower?” The youngest Salvatore nodded at Y/N who grabbed her backpack from Kai and ran to the bathroom. Stefan waited until she was out of earshot and took a step towards Kai. “You two are playing with fire –“     “No –“ Kai said serious. “He is. He pushed her down the stairs and hit her! I healed her with magic but… she is terrified of him. You should’ve seen her a moment ago in the woods – she was smiling, laughing for the first time in such a long time and when she saw him she went pale… I know you don’t really like me, but I just want her to be safe.”     “Then you shouldn’t have broken up with her.”     “Don’t you think I know that!?” Kai raised his voice. “Breaking up with her was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life! But I can’t force her into breaking up with him… not when I think she might be – I think she feels something for him. And as much as I’d love to be with her, if it’s not what she wants –” he shifted nervously on his feet, putting his hands on his waist. “Could you call Candice and let her know what’s going on? I’d do it but I doubt she’d answer knowing it’s me –“      “Already did.” Stefan slapped his shoulder, making the heretic stumble for a second. “You just have to get her there.“ 

Y/N gasped, her eyes shoot open at once and immediately her hand reached towards the wound on her head and then towards the lock on the car door. Last thing she remembered was – the car on the road, the stranger who had clearly gotten her in their car going God knows where. Panic washed over her and she almost screamed when the person gripped her wrist.

      “Hey, hey… It’s okay. It’s me.” said a familiar male voice she’d recognize if she was dead. “Please don’t try to jump out of a speeding car –“

     “K-Kai?” she glanced at him, feeling a sense of relief she didn’t even know existed the second their eyes met in the dim light. “Wha—how?”

Kai smiled at her, taking her hand in his. “I’ll explain everything, but first – WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!?! Going on that trip even though you promised me not to? Running away in the snow? Alone! You could’ve died! Why aren’t you listening??”

     “I wasn’t –“

    “Of course you weren’t thinking!” he raised his voice a little more, a sigh leaving his lips. “I’m sorry. I – you scared the Hell out of me. What happened?”

    “Kai—“

    “Tell me. Now.” he insisted, barely glancing at the road before them. His eyes, filled with so much love, worry and relief that she was okay and with him, were focused on her the entire time he held onto her hand as if letting go would mean losing her. “What happened?”

Y/N swallowed hard for a moment, closed her eyes and threw her head back until it hit the seat. “He um… I was at home and he showed up at the door with flowers and said we are going to his family cabin for the weekend and that he is not going to take a ‘no’ for an answer.”

    “You should’ve called me –“

    “I know, I –“ she put her hand on her forehead, bracing her elbow against the door. “I wanted to give him a chance. I thought maybe – maybe he meant what he had said before about wanting to apologize and make this a special get-away-trip. It was so stupid. I was so stupid –“

Kai glanced at the road and back at her. Her eyes were closed and he knew why – she was hiding the tears from him knowing he hates it when people cry… especially when she cries. “That was pretty stupid… you could’ve sent me a text at least. You are smarter than that –”

    “I know. I’m sorry.” she turned towards him. “But things were going so well lately. And even after he picked me up – we made dinner, played chess and everything was perfect until I – until I mentioned how I saw him with a girl the other day and asked him about it. He said I don’t have right to ask him since I’ve been keeping things from him and turned things on m-me.” she felt a tear rolling down her cheek. “We argued. I told him I am b-breaking up with him and h-he – he dropped the L word as if that would fix everything.”

Kai swallowed hard. “He told you he loves you?”

Y/N fell silent for almost a whole minute getting lost in the memory of what had happened. Telling the girl you are dating you love her right after pinning her against the wall and angrily banging your hands against the flat surface; making her jump up at the sound was not the way to do this. Not even if his expression had softened afterwards and he had kissed her right before saying the three words every girl wants to hear, but also wants to know the person standing before her actually means them.    “I couldn’t – I couldn’t say it back… which made him angrier and he said some things before things started flying cross the room. He tried to grab me but I knocked him out… I hope its all I did… and then I r-ran out as fast as I could –“ Kai’s lips curled into a smile thinking how his training had actually payed off, though the anger burning inside him seemed to only grow. If her boyfriend was still alive, he was going to get it this time. And if he was almost gone, Kai would heal him just so he can finish him off himself. His jaw clenched and he kicked the gas, his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard it was almost as if it was going to break. “Kai? H-how did you find me?”

    “You are still wearing the necklace I gave you. You never take it off – ” he said smiling, watching her play with his gift. “—and you must’ve thinking about me because I heard your voice and just knew something was wrong… I told you, I’ll always know when you need me.”

     “Thank you—for saving me.” she placed her hand over his. About a minute later the cabin lights illuminated the road and Kai parked the car in front the cabin. Y/N looked up and shifted on her seat a little closer to him. “W-what are we doing here? I thought we were going home –”

    “We are. And trust me –  I am never going to make the mistake to leave your side ever again. But first – I’m going to have a little chat with your x-boyfriend… before I kill him.” muttered Kai. Quickly he undid his seatbelt and turned towards her. “Stay here –“

Y/N grabbed his hand. “No. No, don’t go! What if he –“

    “It’s so sweet how you worry about me, but it’s he who should be worried.” Kai said, fire dancing in his eyes. “Don’t get out of the car—“ he opened the door and walked out ignoring her protests.

Kai made his way inside almost in the blink of an eye, wondering why the door was open or how he was actually able to walk in without an invitation. It wasn’t like the owners were dead… and her boyfriend certainly was not because when the heretic walked in, the person he hated most in that moment was sitting on the couch with a bottle with beer, a cigarette in his hand and something that looked like a gun sticking from the couch. His gaze lifted towards Kai and he jumped up on his feet instantly.

    “Where is she?” he asked with a hint of worry in his voice. “I-is she okay?”

    “Now you care.” snapped Kai, looking around the place. It was a mess and he couldn’t tell if her boyfriend had trashed it after she had left or it had happened while they had fought. “Where was your concern every time you hit her –“

    “I – I don’t know what came over me.”

    “Spare me.” Kai walked into one of the rooms to get her things. Suddenly someone pulled him back and he yanked himself free. “You care so much about her, why didn’t you treat her like a man is supposed to treat his girl? With respect and love? You are lucky she cares, which I can’t explain to myself to be honest, or you wouldn’t be breathing right now –“

Tommy took a step towards Kai with a light chuckle. “Is that it?”

 Y/N braced her back against the door, taking in a shallow breath. Eavesdropping had never been a thing she had felt comfortable with even if it were accidental. It would be so much easier to ask one of her friends to compel the guy away, or to behave… yet she couldn’t bring herself to ask them to do that. As bad as Tommy was, he didn’t deserve having his mind messed with. No one did. She had to do it on her own – gather up the courage to say the words ‘I am breaking up with you’ and be ready to face the consequences of her words because something told her, he wouldn’t just say ‘Okay. It was nice dating you.’ During the following 10 minutes she managed to get a quick shower, get changed and fix her hair but most importantly calm down. Running hot water always seemed to have that effect on her, as if the water was literally washing away everything. Though not really everything because when she looked in the mirror for the last time before opening the door, she saw panic in her eyes. Deep breath, she thought as she took a step outside where Kai was waiting by the door with his hands folded on his chest and a concerned look on his face.      “You okay?”      “Perfectly fine.” she forced a smile. Kai pushed his back off the wall, following her down the hall. “Don’t you worry. Clarisse and Bon Bon are there… I will be there, cloaked of course. Just shout cupcakes and I’ll make sure things go smoothly.” Y/N’s lips curled up a little. “You mean, you will use magic to kill him?”     “No.” Kai said as they made their way down the stairs. Y/N raised her eyebrows. “I won’t. I will make him breathe fire, choke him with magic then make sure his body gets covered in bruises I’ve personally delivered and when he is crawling on the ground begging me to finish him off… then I’ll kill him.” Y/N stopped two steps from the door and gripped his hand. “Promise me that you won’t do that. He doesn’t deserve it—“     “I can’t promise you that.” he said quietly. “He hurt you, who knows how many other girls he’ll hurt –“    “Kai, he has been… acting better –“    “A few weeks and you—“ he sighed. “Doesn’t mean he won’t hurt you again. I  swear if he touches you again I will –“     “No. You won’t. Malachai, please –“ she took his hands in his. “I want to give him a chance… Like I did for you –“    “You will end up hurt… or worse – dead.”    “You know, that’s exactly what Damon said about us dating –“    “I never laid a finger on you! Y/N, please just… just let me –“ he pleaded with her but the second he met her eyes, he caved. It was the exact same look she had given her friends every time they had tried to talk her out of being his friend, it was a look he knew there was no way to change.  “I don’t want us to fight –“    “Then don’t light a match, please.”

Y/N watched Kai go the stairs to the small porch and then go straight through the door. Silhouettes moved inside and for a while it seemed to be going well, whatever he wanted to do… until the fists started flying. Screw it, she thought and got out of the car. To her surprise there was no dizziness and her legs worked as if she hadn’t just spent the past hour or so in the snow. Quickly she made her way up the small porch and stormed inside where her now x-boyfriend had his hands around his throat trying to undo the invisible grip on it while Kai was chocking him with magic.

      “Kai, stop!”

      “I thought I told you to stay in the car.”

Y/N took a few steps towards Kai, who wouldn’t tear his eyes off her x, and touched his forearm. “I don’t listen, remember?” she brushed her palm against his cheek. “Let him go –“

      “No. No, he hurt you. He deserves to suffer, he deserves to –“

Y/N tilted Kai’s chin towards her. “Look at me. He and I are over… he can’t hurt me anymore. He won’t hurt anyone anymore. You will make sure of that, just not like that. Let him go.”

Kai let him go and barely a split second later flicked his wrist, breaking the guy’s leg. Her ex-boyfriend screamed in pain, dropping to the ground. Y/N glanced between him and Kai. “You said ‘let him go’. And I did –“

     “Don’t act like this! This isn’t you!” she raised her voice, taking a step away from him. Kai flicked his wrist, breaking the guy’s leg on another spot. “Stop!”

       “Why?” Kai took a step towards her. “Why do you care about this idiot? He hurt you. He has hurt you repeatedly or have you forgotten all those bruises on your body? I haven’t. I see them every time I close my eyes –”

       “I couldn’t care less about him! It’s you I care about! You are not this person anymore. Just compel him to fall off the map–“

       “What kind of a freak –“ her ex-boyfriend started to say but Y/N grabbed a pillow and tossing it so hard right at him, she knocked him on the floor again. “Ouch –“

      “Shut up before I decide to give you a taste of the medicine you’ve been forcing me to take for months now.” she snapped, taking a step towards him while her hands balled into fists. A couple moments later Kai could feel the scent of fresh blood in the air and knew her nails had dug in to her palms in her attempt not to hit her x-boyfriend. “All the hell you put me through. Lying … cheating. All those times you hit me with no regard about my well-being… or how being around your friends made me feel. You never cared, did you? This whole trip was about you wanting to get in my pants. Guess what? I’d rather die than let you touch me again or see you again for that matter –”

Tommy stood up, bracing himself against the couch. “I lied and cheated?” he spat out. “What about you? Or do you think I don’t know he had been showing up at your house and staying over –“

     “Kai is my best friend, of course I will want to spend time with him and he’d stay over. If you trusted me half as much as I trusted you –“

     “Best friend?! He is your x-lover! I had every right to –“

     “Hit her? Treat her like a thing and not a person?” Kai interrupted. “Yes, I might be her ex and I might’ve been dying to pull her in my arms and kiss her, do everything with her… but even though you were the crappier boyfriend ever, she would never had let me.”

      “You take it, dumb ass.” snarled her x-boyfriend turning towards Y/N who took a step closer to him, a low growl escaping her lips. “Or don’t you know who your best friend is such a sl—“ he started when her fist connected with his face and a crackling sound filled the air. Tommy screamed out almost at the same moment she jumped back slightly, shaking her hand. “Bitc—“ he started again when her knee connected with his jaw and he fell on the ground.

     “I think I just fell in love with you all over again.” Kai whispered, standing there frozen and completely mesmerized for a moment, watching her go into one of the rooms. About half a minute passed before she walked out of the room with it, grabbed her phone from the coffee table and headed towards Kai who gripped her wrist. “Are you okay?”

Y/N gave him a slight smile, glancing at her x for a split second before her complete attention returned to Kai who was still upset but seemingly a bit calmer. “Better than ever.” she motioned towards Tommy. “Compel him to think he had some bizarre accident or something and let’s go. I want to go home. I miss the furry carpet and the small fireplace in your apartment.”

   “Home?” Kai smiled. On the ground her ex started to say something but Kai used his magic to keep his lips sealed. “D-does that mean –“

   “Home is where the heart is. My heart has been with you this entire time.” she grabbed her bag and winced in pain. “Dang it –“

Kai snatched the bag from her hands and the next second Y/N’s expression froze at the same moment a gun shot went off. He glanced behind his back where her x-boyfriend quite literally held a smoking gun and then back at her when another shot pierced the air. He couldn’t see the blood, though the smell filled in the air and a moment later she fell into his arms. “No, no –“ he bit his wrist and brought it to her lips. Nothing she could say in that moment would change his mind anymore. “Drink come on! Don’t you die on me – come on, drink –“

Behind him he could hear her ex load the gun once more but Kai didn’t care. All he could think about and see was Y/N, her eyes closed and her limp body in his hands. There were so many sounds he could hear in that moment – a car passing by a mile away, an owl and that stupid waterfall not too far away but her heartbeat wasn’t one of them. His eyes filled with tears at the thought he had lost her, how he had finally gotten her back and for a moment he was so happy… it was almost like he could reach and touch the happiness before it turned to dust before his eyes. His heart hurt so much and he hoped that he had been quick enough feeding her his blood for her to be able to at least turn because he refused to believe this was how their love story would end. A tear rolled down his cheek while he held onto her tighter than ever, flicking his wrist making sure Tommy would go unconscious. Or dead, Kai no longer cared. All he wanted and cared about was getting her back, seeing the light in her eyes again, hearing her voice –

    “I am not lighting a match, you are!” Kai raised his voice. “How can’t you see things for what they are? I – I just –“     “You want me back.” she finished for him, longingly looking into his eyes. “I owe him at least one chance, even if it does kill me. If I had listened to Damon I wouldn’t have fallen for you so hard so fast. I can’t have double standards –” Kai swallowed hard. “A-are you saying that y-you’ve started to fall for him?”    “There is something, I don’t know what it is – or maybe its because he had been treating me better –“ Kai pulled up her shirt and pushed her jeans a little lower. “Has he? Or did you really think I wouldn’t notice. That one is not from our training, it can’t be. I know – I know every inch of your body. I notice everything and this bruise here looks suspiciously like someone’s fingers–” Y/N’s lips curled up and she cupped his face with one hand. A moment later he placed his hand over hers taking a slow step towards her until her back met the wall. “Three words I want to tell you so badly right now.”    “You don’t have to say them –“ he almost rested his forehead on hers. “— I can hear them loud and clear just looking in your eyes. And I – I love you.” he smiled at the change in her heartbeat. “I love you from here to the end of the Universe and back. And again … and again. I love you –“ 

Almost an hour passed while Kai just sat on the floor, holding her in his arms. One last time, he pleaded with the Universe, what wouldn’t I give to tell you I love you one more time; to see your eyes light up and  your heart skip a beat at the sound of my voice.  “Please come back to me –“ he whispered, pressing his lips against hers. “I can’t be without you.” Kai sighed quietly resting his forehead on hers, gently wiping his thumb against her cheek. “Don’t leave me –“

   “I-in what world would I do that?” she said quietly.

Kai blinked twice, pulling away from her. In an instant his eyes widened from surprise and happiness, but also filled in with tears of joy. “Oh my God –“ he smiled, feeling a tear roll down.

Her hand reached towards his cheek to wipe away the tear but dropped to her neck a moment later.   “What—what’s happening?”  she rubbed the throat.

     “Yeah, there is um… there is something I have to tell you.” he took her hand in his, gently rubbing soft circles on her hand. “I–I tried to heal you – you… You are in transition–“

     “I’m dead?” she said quietly, looking around. Being a living dead person felt surprisingly normal and if it hadn’t been for Kai’s announcement she would’ve though she had just been knocked out. “Go on, you can say it –“

     “Say what?” he asked confused, his lips curling up into a smile a moment later. “I told you so? Because, I did tell you so.”

Y/N covered her face with her hands for a second and shifted on his lap until she was sitting on it sideways. Her hands hooked around his neck and she pulled his face closer to hers, playing with the scruff in the back of his neck without taking her eyes off his for a second. Hearing those four words had never felt so good. “I love you.”

     “God, it feels so good to hear you say those words to me again.”  he smiled widely.

     “It does. You know what feels even better?” she asked. Kai raised his eyebrows. “This –“

Her lips pressed lips against his almost making his heart explode the second they touched. It wasn’t like she hadn’t kissed him before. It was everything that had happened since the last moment they had kissed – everything she had been through, every single emotion he had felt seeing her with someone else. It was like the champagne glass suddenly overflowed – he pulled her towards him just as she shifted on his lap once again, placing a leg on each side of his body. Nothing else mattered – not that the place they were at in the moment was a complete mess, not that her clothes just like his were soaked in blood. Time had stopped, the world had stopped spinning and both of them existed out of time. Every movement of their lips just left them craving more until he had to push her away because she had left him utterly breathless.

      “Easy there.” he brushed his nose against hers. “I know you don’t like but we um -- we need to get you some blood. T-that is if you – if you—“

    “In a minute.” she got up. “Where is –“ she looked around, finding her ex-boyfriend laying unconscious on the floor. “You didn’t kill him, did you?”

Kai got up after her. “To be honest, I was a little distracted seeing the love of my life die before my eyes. I – I didn’t even know if you’ll come back.”

Y/N glanced at Tommy and bent over to see if he has a pulse, feeling the same familiar itch in her throat from the smell of blood in the air. A quiet sigh left her lips realizing he was still alive, but also the fact he was still alive made her jump backwards like a bouncing ball. Kai caught her instantly. “I – I um, do you have any blood bags in your car? I don’t want his blood running in my veins in any way –“

     “No, but we can stop for a bite somewhere –“ he smiled, “– just tell me what to do with this person.”

     “Wipe his memory. We never came here, none of it happened… and he decided to let me go and go, I don’t know… save the whales? Do something positive? You pick –“

Kai studied her face and smiled at her. “Too good for your own good, Speedy. He literally killed you and you are still choosing to give him a chance to change. I think this makes me love you even more.”

     “Not possible.” she shook her head. “You already love me from here to the end of the Universe and back –“

He pressed his lips against hers. “—and back and back and again.”

________________________________________ MASTERLIST- SMUT ‘17 MASTERLIST- FLUFF ‘17 / MASTERLIST - FLUFF/ANGST ‘18

[irphanfic]

Moonshot - Chapter 8

Hey, I'm back! Yes, it took me a bot longer to update but I've been struggling with this chapter more than I expected because I had another ide in mind first but my mind went crazy and it took me another week to finish this one.

As always, hope you enkoy it and any feedback is welcome!

summary: Phil had a feeling that this Friday was going to be different.

That didn’t mean he was ready to meet his favourite baseball player, Daniel Howell, while he was cleaning the windows of a building.

or the au in which Phil is a shy window cleaner and Dan is a famous baseball player. This is their story.

words: 3.1k

no trigger warnings

Read on ao3 - (x)

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7

Chapter 8: Only A Week

Dan woke up to his phone ringing on Saturday morning. His agent Estelle wanted him to come over to her office to talk to him about 'some secret project' that she had some information about.

''Why so early?'' he had asked over the phone, but Estelle just sushed him and told him to get ready.

So, still sleepy and with only a coffee on his body he took a cab and headed to her office, yawning as he knocked on the dark brown wooden door.

''C'mon in!'' Dan heard Estelle shout from inside of her office.

Dan opened the door and walked inside, finding a suit claded Estelle already standing up from her chair to envelope him into a big hug, ''Dan! It's so nice to see you!''

Dan hugged her back, ''Yeah, it has been a while, hasn't it?''

He felt Estelle nod against his shoulder before separating their bodies and walking back to her office chair, indicating Dan to sit in the one in front of her, a glass table being the only thing between the two of them.

After asking the informal 'how are you's', Estelle went straight to the point. ''Look Dan, I received  a new email from the sport clothing brand we worked with a year ago. As you know, you being the face of their last clothing range was absolutely marvelous. Anyways, they plan on launching their new campaign soon and they want an immediate response since they had talked with another player but he turned the offer down last minute and they were planning to strat all of it next Wednesday so yeah, really last minute, I know.'' Estelle rolled her eyes but continued, ''The new baseball season is about to start but you have handled the promo stuff and games other years so it should be okay.''

Estelle handed Dan a few papers so he could see what kind of clothes he would be wearing and more stuff he didn't really understand about budgets, promo shoots and more along with the contract of this campaign.

Dan really had enjoyed working with this brand before and it had been a while since he had done it. This could be another good opportunity for him. ''I really like how it sounds...'' Dan said pensive, still trying to understand the papers Estelle had given him.

''Apparently, you will be modeling with Claire Vickard, the tennis player, and they want to take you both  to Ireland for a few landscape shoots, nothing too difficult, but you will have to stay there for a week. I've already talked to your coach and said it's fine, you are doing great at practice so...''

Dan listened attentively, picking up every detail Estelle was saying. Wait, a week in Ireland without seeing Phil? It shouldn't be that hard, right?

''So, are you interested? It is secret till the campaign is revealed so you cannot tell anyone, okay? If someone know they could ruin you, you know that, right?'' Estelle asked, looking at Dan with her big eyes as he nodded in understanding. You wouldn't like to mess up with the contracts, oh no.

''I think it looks great, it's a good deal and you have already worked with them, you can think about it a bit more but I advise you that we don't have much time,'' she said.

''No, I think I'm ready to sign the contract,'' Dan said, trying not think much about what it would suppose not to see Phil in those days, ''as you said, I already know them, so it shouldn't be really different.''

Estelle handed him a black pen and Dan started scribbling his signature in the bottom of almost every page, giving the stack of papers back to his agent once he was done.

''Perfect! I'll send the papers later and I will call to ask about the travelli...'' but Estelle's sentence was cut off by Dan's phone loud and repetitive chiming, indicating someone had sent him a few messages.

''Wait,'' Dan said, taking out his phone and instantly smiling as he read Phil's name on the screen. Without reading the messages, he quickly turned the phone on silent and pocketed it back in his trousers, ''sorry for that Estelle, continue please.''

Estelle's face expression changed form serious to soft, making Dan frown, ''What?''

''Who has you smiling like that?'' she said, as if he had noticed Dan's wide smile.

''Wha- what smile? What are you on about?'' Dan tried to dismiss it, but knowing she wouldn't buy it. It was Estelle, for God's sake.

''That smile!'' she pointed at his mouth, ''Your dimples don't show for anyone! So tell me, who has the powers to make you grin at your phone, uh?''

Dan groaned. There was no way he was getting out of this, right? ''Okay, his name is Phil. He is the window cleaner of my new building and we started talking by writing messages to each other on papers, you happy now?''

''Tell me more, c'mon Dan! How is he like? Have you meet each other without a big ass window in between? Tell me!'' Estelle almost whined, dragging the last 'e' of 'me' for emphasis.

''Fine, I will.''

So Dan spent all Saturday morning at Estelle's office talking about him and Phil. How nervous he was of meeting him that first time, how the blue eyed asked him on a date first, their last trip to the bookstore, even showing Estelle the few pictures he had taken so she could see with her own eyes how 'attractive and adorable' Phil was, his smile getting somehow bigger at each detail he could remember about Phil.

''You really like him, don't you?'' Estelle asked once Dan had managed to tell everything.

''I really do, Estelle. I really do.''

______________

Phil was waiting for Dan to come to his flat so he was franatically tidying his living room.

He had been writing, well, trying to, since he hadn't gotten any responses from the publishing houses yet so he wanted to keep writing something else in case his last story didn't work, but his brain wasn't cooperating. Phil could swear he had spent around two hours staring at the blinking cursor on the document, as if it was moking him for not writing. Why was so hard to write something!?

In all his groaning he texted Dan, asking him if they could do something today. Apparently Dan had been on a meeting with his agent all morning, asking if it was okay to show up now, to which Phil answered it was okay, whatever to distracting form his responsibility of writing.

Phil had been wanting to go outside, but since it was pouring down, he invited Dan over to play videogames in some of the consoles Martyn had lend him a few years ago, not realizing his flat was kind of a mess.

He had just managed to arrange a few cushions on the sofa when he heard the doorbell, meaning Dan was here.

''Hi'' Phil greeted him as soon as he opened the door, breath hitching at the sight of Dan just standing there with his messy and somehow dry curls atop of his head, a maroon jumper with the sleeves rolled up his toned arms that he had combined with black ripped skinny jeans, letting Phil see a bit of his thighs.

Those ripped jeans were making Phil have some thoughts he prefered not to share.

Dan greeted him back and steped inside Phil's flat, surprisedly pecking Phil's cheek, which instantly turned pink as if he had some magical powers to make the blue eyed blush each time he touched him.

''Thanks for letting me come over this last minute, it was so sudden so I hope I'm a good distraction for writing.'' Dan said, chuckling and showing Phil a small smile.

''Nah, it's okay, I needed to detach myself from my laptop, otherwise I will end up with the keys glued to my fingerprints'' Phil said, making both of them laugh at his remark.

''So, which game you wanna play? I have a few...''' Phil started listing the videogames he had as he led Dan to his living room, where he had already put the consoles out and a few snacks on the table.

''What about I race you in Mario Kart? I'm gonna destroy you! Best of three?'' Dan said mischeviously, sending a smirk at Phil.

Oh, so it was a competition then, uh? If Dan wanted to play, let's play. ''And what do I get when I win?'' Phil said, copying Dan's smirk.

''So confident, Lester. I will think about what I want when I win.'' Dan said, sitting down and picking one of the controllers.

Phil hummed in agreement and also sat down next to Dan, their thighs grazing as Phil picked up the controller that was left and starting the game, ''Bring it, Howell. You are going down!''

Phil suddenly felt Dan's gaze on him, making him a bit nervous, ''What?'' Phil said, turning his body a bit to face the brown eyed, who was biting his lower lip as his eyes travelled up and down Phil's body.

''Believe me Phil, I would love to go down... in more ways that you can imagine,'' Dan said in a low voice. Phil flushed deep red but didn't say anything. He wanted nothing more than forget the videogame and jump Dan just right in his sofa but no, he was determined to win this and the 'lame' flirting from Dan wasn't going to get him to lose. Oh no. No way.

Phil pressed play and both customized their characters, bickering about 'how boring and bad' car choices the other made, playing rock-paper-scissors to decide which one got to choose the traks they would be racing.

They kept bumping each other's shoulders and elbows from time to time, losing their balance for a second, enough to send the other's cars few places behind, hearing a few swear words from Dan and Phil letting out a few child-like screams everytime that happened.

It was the last race and they were even. As Phil had won the first race and Dan the second, this last one would decide who was the ultimate Mario Kart winner. Oh, and Phil was so sure it was going to be him.

''You ready to get destroyed?'' Phil said, selecting the last track they would be racing.

''Ha! You wish! C'mon, press play, I cannot wait to win this already.'' Dan remarked, rearranging his position on the sofa pressing his body even more closer to Phil's.

He pressed play but the strong and nice smell from Dan's cologne was making his head heavy, wanting nothing more than to press his face against his neck and not move for hours...

''Oh, Phil, look at you, so far behind already, you aren't gonna catch me if you keep racing like this!'' Dan laughed, making Phil come back to reality only to realize that he hadn't been plying attention and was in last place!

'Phil, concentrate, please.' he said to himself in hopes that he could beat Dan, who was in first place already and there was only a lap left.

Trying his hardest, Phil raced as good as he could, managing to be on third place just seconds before Dan's car crossed the balck and white checkered line.

''Yes! I won!'' Dan exclaimed, jumping up from the sofa to make a silly victory dance that made Phil chuckle, not even bothering to stay mad at the fact that he had lost, appreciating the adorable Dan in front of him just dancing and carefree.

Phil let him dance a bit more before he decided to take revenge, also standing up to be at Dan's eye level, ''It's not fair! All or nothing!''

Dan stopped dancing and crossed his arms, frowning at Phil, ''How is it not fair? I won two out of three, that's what we decided, I'm not risking an 'all or nothing', oh no!''

''You distracted me!'' Phil said, not knowing what more to say.

''How did I even manage to distract you? I was just playing next to you!''

''With your good looks and nice smell and...'' Phil put a hand over his mouth as he realised what he said. Could the earth swallow him now, please?

He suddenly found himself in front of a smirking Dan who was slowly taking a few steps closer to Phil, backing the blue eyed against the sofa till his thighs touched the soft armrest.

Dan touched their noses together, brushing them against each other sweetly. Phil closed his eyes, enjoying this little feather-like touch and hoping Dan would just kiss him, but apparently the player had other ideas, since he moved his head to Phil's left ear, lips just caressing the skin ''You smell pretty good too, Philip.''

Phil shivered. He freaking shivered thanks to Dan's sensual and low voice.

He felt Dan's lips against his skin, but now on his surely rosy cheek. Then again on his jaw, multiple times, getting closer and closer to his lips, where Phil finally felt Dan's salted lips on his, moving them slowly but repeatedly till Phil finally got his thoughts clear and kissed him back.

Phil felt Dan push him backwards, till both of them ended up on the couch, he under Dan's toned body, enjoying how well their bodies fitted together.

They made out for a few minutes till Dan suddenly separated, smiling mischeviously at Phil.

''What?'' Phil asked softly, admiring the job he had done by messing Dan's curls even more.

''I didn't tell you what prize I want for winning yet,'' he said, pecking Phil once more on the lips.

Phil looked at him a bit scared. What was Dan thinking about doing to him? Was going to be something sexual!? He hoped not, it was too soon, right?

''O...kay. What did you think about?'' Phil's voice trembled a bit, but not enough for Dan to notice, who sighed deeply and looked at Phil's chest, were he kept fiddling with the top button of his shirt.

'Why is he suddenly so downcast?' Phil thought. He hoped nothing was wrong.

''So, I'm leaving for a whole week this Wednesday for a secret project I cannot tell you about yet but I was thinking you could let me read some story of yours? I mean, I will probably have a few hours spare so I thought it would be nice to know what kind of stories you write, but only if you want to, of course...'' Dan rambled, still not looking at Phil.

Wait, Dan was leaving on Wednesday? For a whole week to do a 'secret project'?

And also, he wanted to read his stories? Phil wasn't used to people asking him about his stories, and less when the publishers had always told him 'no'. It felt a bit like a failure to be honest.

He heard Dan sigh frustratedly before speaking again, this time looking up at Phil, ''It's just, I'm in the public eye and you know so much about me already and I don't know half of the things about you, and I think your stories will let me see more about you, but again, only if you want to.''

Phil showed him a tiny smile. Oh Dan. He wanted to learn more about him by reading his stories? It was a touching gesture to be honest.

''Dan, yes, of course I will let you read them. I can give you the last manuscript I sent a while ago if you want to.'' Phil offered. 'Why is he so sweet?'

''Yeah, you sure?'' Dan asked, eyes a bit wide Phil had agreed.

Phil hummed and nodded, smiling at him, ''Yes, I'm sure, let me just get it, okay?''

Dan smiled back at him and separated himself from Phil, who got up and walked fast to his office, picking up the stack of papers that had been lying on his table for a while now and putting them inside an envelope.

'But what if Dan hates it? Would he ever tell him? What if he thought Phil was a mediocre writer and laughed at him for wanting to be an author?' Many thoughts passed his mind. Phil had to admit he was scared of Dan's opinion on him, but dismissed them and walked back into the living room nonetheless, where he found Dan sitting on the couch instead of lying down.

''Here,'' Phil handed him the envelope as he sat down next to him, ''my last manuscript. It's a bit long, I don't know if you will finish it in a week but...'' he trailed off, realizing he won't be seeing Dan for a week.

Taking into account that they were getting used to see each other often, Phil didn't know what would happen with them. A week wasn't that long but they were just going on dates, not even developing whatever they had further or not, they were... stuck. No labels. Phil wasn't really sure where he stood with Dan and even though it might seem silly, it made him feel a bit insecure.  

''Thank you. I'm sure I will manage to read it all, don't worry. I will tell you what I think about it, see if you are a better author than I already think you are,'' Dan chuckled.

Phil laughed a bit but changed the subject, ''So... this secret project... it's only a week long, right?'' he tried to keep the question casual, not really succeding.

''Yeah, from Wednesday to Wednesday... It was very short notice and it's such a good opportunity I couldn't let go to waste.'' Dan said, ''but I will text you or call you and we can skype if you are avaliable! I don't want to stop seeing you, I'm kind of used to seeing your face, and holding your hands... and... and kissing your lips.''

Phil could have melted right into his sofa but instead he leaned in and pecked Dan on his rosy lips, ''like this?'' Phil said in a low voice, smiling, knowing Dan would probably enjoy a bit more of... action.

''No, more like...'' Dan closed the small gap between them with a bit of more force, moving his lips as he had done a few minutes before, Phil's following him in sync, enjoying the little moment between the two.

''I'll miss you. It only a week but I know I'll miss you.'' Dan said almost quietly as he touched their foreheads together once they both felt the need for oxygen.

''I'll miss you too.'' Phil repeated, leaning in for another short kiss. ''Only a week, Dan. It's only a week.''

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Katelyn you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Marlene McKinnon!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Oh my goodness, your application immediately reminded me of all the reasons I love Marlene. Even from your jumping off section on why you chose her, it was clear to me how much you care for her as a character and how much development you could bring to her! And all your answers, along with the para sample, painted a really vivid picture in my head on who your Marlene is. I think she’ll bring something really needed to our dash, especially given everything that she’s dealing with at the moment, and I can’t wait to see what you do with her!

application beneath the cut; tw: ptsd (in para sample)

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Katelyn, 23, EST

ACTIVITY

I work a full time job and juggle some school work on top of that, so I’d give myself a good 7 out of ten when it comes to activity. I’ll try to get on at least once everyday, but if that can’t be managed it’ll be every other day for sure!

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

Marlene McKinnon tag

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

I wouldn’t necessarily say I identify with him most, but my favorite character is definitely Sirius Black. I fell in love with the Black family the second they were brought up and continue to love them with all of my heart.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Nothing!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Marlene Elspeth McKinnon

FACE CLAIM

Freya Mavor is good with me!

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

Oh goodness. My love for Marlene dates back to years ago when I first started roleplaying – not just in the Marauders Era, but the very first time I gave writing a character a shot. I had read the books, but it had been so long I completely forgot she was a canon character until I stumbled across my blonde haired firecracker in the Marauders RP tag. She is definitely one of the first characters I look to when I check out a roleplay, and I was so excited to find that she’s open here.

I cannot actually tell you how many times I’ve played Marlene, and it’s usually different every time with the heart still being in the same place. Maybe the reason I automatically felt so attached to her character is because the way I play her I see a piece of her in myself. (Though, you can definitely take that in a good or bad way – depending on what piece we’re talking about.) She’s such a loving person, even if she doesn’t know how to always show it. Marlene feels everything so deeply that she doesn’t always know what to do with all of the emotion she has inside of her. For a girl who tries to show the world that she can just shrug everything off she really is pretty shitty at it – though she’s better at fooling others than herself, especially as of late.

How can anyone take her as an emotionless character? Her smile lights up her entire face and practically glows for everyone to see. Marlene’s laugh rings out – loud enough that people don’t even have to be in the same room with her to not only hear her joy, but also feel it. But with great emotion comes with the flip side. When she’s angry she’s absolutely livid. Marlene warns people to get out of her way when she’s losing her temper. And then when she’s sad she’s distraught, often one to lock herself away for hours so nobody is there to witness any tears that are more than likely going to fall. She’s not one that’s able to control her emotions well, but if I’m being honest that’s something I absolutely love about her.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

I hardly ever go into a roleplay with preferred ships just because Marlene has never been a character who allows that. It’s not that she doesn’t believe in love – in fact she is one of the biggest undercover hopeless romantics you’ll ever meet. It’s quite a shock to most because Marlene is the type of person that would laugh off things and say love isn’t worth the heartache, but it’s more towards herself than the actual idea of love itself. She just doesn’t think it’s meant for her because Marlene couldn’t see herself settling down with someone – she’d just hurt them in the end.

As for her preference…well, she’d say as long as the person is fun and attractive it doesn’t really matter to her. Marlene wouldn’t use a label, but for the purpose of it I’d say she’s pansexual. She just likes anyone she can have a good time with.

For gender she is a female and uses she/her pronouns.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

- A MOCKBLOG

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

It took her a second to think about, though her mouth opened almost automatically to say something funny or lighthearted. That would be a go to for Marlene, but with such a serious question dropped at her feet she took a moment to think of something useful – something that might actually help her. If one was to ask her a year ago the answer would’ve been something different – probably something to do with alcohol, but a lot can happen in a year.

“I’d probably go with a charm that can remove someone’s ability to do magic,” she admitted, almost quietly as if she was ashamed that was her answer. Marlene wasn’t ashamed, of course, the blonde girl was so rarely ashamed of anything. However, she was lost in thought. “Though that could certainly be used against us, but it’d solve a lot of problems in the war. Less death, I guess. Not that everyone even deserves to live anyway.” She certainly had a list of people the world would be better without.

Shoulders lifted in a halfhearted shrug and within seconds the bright smile Marlene was so well known for was back. “After that, however, I want something that’ll just make alcohol come to me the second I want it. I don’t have a name for it yet. I wanna be drunk when I come up with it – reckon it’ll make for a better spell that way.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“I don’t think anyone would want to be stuck in the Forbidden Forest with me. I’d drive them mental,” she joked with a laugh, but given the person it could be taken seriously. Marlene was the type of person someone either loved or hated – the was no in between. “I’d probably take Marcus just because he’s forced to deal with me, and then a comfy blanket.” She gave a bored look, already moving on from the question. “I get cold easily and you never said the person I bring with me can’t pick an object of their choosing. Even so I hate being cold.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Mum says I shouldn’t be trusted with any serious decision,” Marlene quipped automatically, and she herself would agree with that more often than not. She hated making any decision that could have any big altercation – at least she hated being given time to think about it. She had always been an impulsive person, so if Marlene was just thrown into something it wouldn’t be too hard for her because her natural instinct was to act first and think about repercussions later.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

That was an easy one. “That I had no significance – that I was boring,” Marlene answered honestly. There were a lot of things that could be said about the blonde, a lot of insults that could so easily be shrugged off and contemplated as true sometimes even by Marlene herself. She was irrational, a bitch, too stubborn, and an endless list of ever things. However, boring wasn’t one of them. The biggest insult anyone could ever say was she didn’t make an impact on life. You only live once so you might as well make the most of it – that had always been something she lived by so strongly. “I may be a lot of things, but I’m sure as hell not boring, mate.”

WRITING SAMPLE

*tw PTSD*

Bang.

With a startled shriek that woke Marlene from her sleep she learned the horrifically high-pitched noise came from her own mouth. Lips closed tightly upon such a discovery and she even went as far as placing her hand over her mouth as her gaze swept the darkness which cloaked her room, her sleepy gaze only able to make out the familiar shapes of furniture and dirty clothes scattered over the floor. Nobody could ever accuse Marlene of being a tidy person, but at that moment that’s not what she was focusing on. Instead as blue eyes continued to frantically search her surroundings there was only one discovery.

Nobody was there.

Bang.

The sound came again and blonde haired girl reached for her wand which laid on the cluttered bedside table. With the piece of wood gripped tightly in her hand she blindly pushed the sheets from her body and got up, not being bothered by the feel of cold wood on her bare feet or the chill upon her legs. Marlene never slept in anything more than an oversized t-shirt – not the most attractive thing to wear to bed, but she had always been a confident enough girl. The only reason she’d find regret in her sleepwear at this point was it wasn’t the most logical thing to wear in a fight – or to wear during an escape. Not that she was one to change habits, but once upon a time Marlene McKinnon wouldn’t have thought like that. Then again she probably wasn’t the only one who had to think along such lines these days.

There was a war.

Bang.

With one foot in front of the other the blonde girl slowly walked to the door which lead to the sitting room in her small flat. It wasn’t much, but it was something Marlene could afford and a place to call home. It was something of her own, a place she had never felt threatened in. Until now that is.

Bang.

Marlene quickly checked the bathroom and then the kitchen, coming up empty in both rooms. Her feet stopped her in the middle of the kitchen, becoming more away of the cold tile underneath her feet and she struggled to adjust to the darkness around her and make out something which could be causing the noise which startled her from a usually rather dead sleep.

Bang.

This time another sound followed, one that eased her paranoia. Laughter – a sound Marlene was familiar with all too well. It then occurred to her that the noise was coming from the floor below and with a sigh she dropped her head, blonde curls falling messily in her face as she willed the tension to leave her body.

“Bloody hell,” she muttered to herself, setting her wand on the counter which held a few dirty dishes which needed to be washed. “It’s just the pub.” That’s what she got when she lived above the pub she worked at, but once upon a time she liked the lively nature. When she wasn’t working she was usually drinking, though that night she tucked herself in early because she didn’t sleep well the night before. Now she started to think maybe her decision wasn’t the best, but she wasn’t going to pack up and leave just because she got scared. Fuck – s c a r e d. All because a drunken patron went bump in the night. Was that all it took now?

She hadn’t woke up in a cold sweat in weeks and because of that Marlene thought she was free, but apparently not. A wise man once told her they wouldn’t be free until the war was done – not that she agreed to such a statement. Marlene lived as the poster girl from freedom, and that meant free from her demons even if they insisted on shackling her more and more as of late. Well, tying her down and making her scared would take more than an unfortunate situation and scary noises in the night. She didn’t want to jump at the monsters that go ‘boo’ – she wouldn’t.

Bang.

This time Marlene rolled her eyes and pushed her hair back before reaching for a bottle: whiskey. The Devil’s poison some would say, be she reckoned her Devil drank such a liquid many times before. Maybe she’d even drink with him someday.

The Hufflepuff Alumna brought the rim of the bottle to her lips and tipped it back, tasting the familiar liquor on her tongue before she swallowed. She repeated the process again and again as she walked back to her room, her gaze going to the window. Stars filled the night and Marlene smiled to herself, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. Maybe not the healthiest way to handle a problem, but it was the way she knew nonetheless.

“Cheers, mate,” she said, a cruel smile making it’s way to her lips as she lifted the bottle. “Another time means one less now in the future.” With that Marlene set the bottle on her bedside table and climbed back into bed.

[assholemurphy]

so, i’m dying.

lol, not rly. except, yeah, kinda.

my gallbladder has finally fucked itself into a coma and only wakes up to force me to projectile vomit myself into oblivion whenever i consume solids. and on occasions, liquids, if it’s rly cranky. that’s my life now.

i have managed to eat 2 hot pockets, some chips, abt 8 jalepeno poppers, and three eggrolls (and keep them down) in the past 2 weeks. all that i’ve been able to keep down has happened in the past 24hrs. i’m not sure how i managed it, tbh, but it wasn’t without a fight. other than that, i have not digested anything but liquids in the past 2 weeks. i cannot think straight, i can barely form words in my head, let alone say them out loud. this is not fun and i don’t like it. it was one thing to choose not to eat (tho, rly, with an ed, it wasn’t exactly a choice, ya feel?) and to choose to purge, but now that i have no choice at all, i’m so fucking pissed off. like, part of me is happy bc i’ve lost 5lbs already, even with being bloated from constant puking, but like, more of me just wants to survive so i can work on my goddamn finals. which are all due this week. and none of them are done. (except the one that was due last week, managed to do that one, luckily).

pretty boy took me to the er on sun night bc i can’t keep anything down and it’s only gotten worse since they released me. we got there right as the docs were changing shifts, so the first doc was rly narcissistic and full of himself and the second he heard me say ‘i’ve got atypical anorexia b/p subtype’ he was like, ‘ah, yes, it’s all in your head, this is your fault’ which even made pb annoyed bc he apparently can tell the difference between what’s currently going on and my (his words, not mine) ‘crash diets’. but he was p sure the doc didn’t like me bc i called my primary doc (who was supposed to get me scheduled for an ultrasound to get this taken care of almost 2 months ago but didn’t bc he didn’t believe me when i said (having opinions from 2 previous docs) i had gallbladder issues, so he ignored it) an idiot for, ya know, ignoring me when i told him something was wrong. but docs are assholes, they don’t like it when you’re right abt something they can’t see themselves. so i’m switching primary docs asap. this guy’s a fucking joke.

(it’s also been almost three weeks since the pharmacy faxed him paperwork abt the insurance company not wanting to pay for my adderall prescript bc i take 3 pills a day and they only wanna pay for 90 in 75 days (yeah, not even 2 pills a day, like this shit doesn’t work for five hours max). he still hasn’t filled it out. it’s fucking finals week and i’ve got maybe 6 pills left. how fucking grand. so that’s gotta be sorted at the same time he gets me a surgeon’s appt.)

so the guy had me pee in a cup and gave me fluids/anti nausea meds (which were nice, helped me keep down a bit of food sun night). then he basically told me ‘it’s just cyclic vomiting, you’ve just got to break the cycle’ but he was leaving so he was going to let the next guy discharge me. thank fucking god, bc otherwise, i’d probably be dead in a couple weeks.

so this next guy is eccentric af, this whole hospital is a circus, it’s fucking great (no sarcasm, i love quirky ppl). he checks out my cup of pee and orders some blood tests (that the other guy didn’t even care to do), then he comes in and talks to me and he’s fucking great, a+ doctoring, love this guy, sadly, he doesn’t have a private practice, but apparently the nurses get asked if he does all the time. how do i know? my mother asked, bc she liked him. i trusted him. i trust no docs, ever. but this one is good. he says there’s def something wrong, def not just my ed, and orders me an ultrasound for the next morning. good, great, getting this show on the road. he understands my concerns abt my primary doc and offers to explain the results of the ultrasound to my mother via phone mon night. so she calls, he tells her i’ve got ‘sludge and wall thickening’ which are Bad(tm) esp in combination with me not being able to eat anything for over a week and a half.

so, now i’ve got to talk to a surgeon and get my gallbladder removed. as i fucking figured i’d need months ago (during the summer, with my pain and stuff). now this vomiting thing has been happening at least once a semester for abt 2 years now. no one has known what is wrong. ‘it’s acid reflux, take these pills’ ‘these pills don’t work’ ‘welp, idk ^.^’ and so forth for 2. fucking. years. now i’ve got confirmation that my gallbladder is bad. like ‘could explode and kill me’ bad. this is great, i can finally get something done abt this.

except.

except it’s finals week and no only am i running v low on adderall (i just took a pill for the first time since fri morning just a few hours ago) and i’m now fatigued and unable to eat with 4 projects left to do. all of which require a fuckton of concentration. concentration i just don’t have even with the adderall bc i haven’t actually eaten much food lately and can’t fucking think at all. like, every time i eat, it comes right back up.

so, i’ve been sleeping a lot. great, right? except for ya know, all the work i’ve got? nope. i can’t sleep for longer than 4 hours without having night terrors. like BAD ones. i’d tell you abt the one i had when i slept last (from 5:30p to 8:30p) but it would require a whole host of trigger warnings just to give a summary. but it fucked me up badly. and they’ve been getting progressively worse. i dreamed my dog died. i dreamed my apartment was possessed and the demon was trying to kill me. i’ve dreamed of animal abuse and murder and even worse things that leave me fucking shaking when i wake up. but i’m so tired that i keep falling asleep anyway, no matter how scared i am. and i stay asleep, until my alarm goes off, then i shut it off and fall asleep again (into a different night terror). there is no stopping this. my body is dying and it’s telling my brain i’m in danger so my brain is trying to scare me. it’s working. i’m well aware i’m in danger but there’s nothing i can do until my mom sets up a surgeon’s appt for me. i’ve got to remind her to do that tomorrow. i’d do it myself, but i’m far to fucking out of it currently to talk to a medical professional in any capacity.

but throughout all of this, i’m falling further and further behind on my final projects. i’ve got a 10min play analysis due tomorrow at 10:30a (which i’ve got to work on tonight). then i’ve got to finish my stagecraft project (which requires that i go to the shop 3 more times so i’ve got to do that at like 11a tomorrow, then 12p thurs, then like 7p thurs, but i’ve got to find a shop employee to go with me, apparently, and i’d take goldilocks, but she obvs doesn’t want to do it, so i might ask pb or mary, if i have to). then i’ve got to do my monologue assignments for acting i (i’ve got one almost fully memorized, i just need to refresh, but i’ve got to memorize another one, read the play it’s from (i’ve got to buy the ebook), and do an analysis over it before thurs at 10:30a). then my intro to theatre final is due last, but it’s p big and i’ve got to do a lot for it. like 7pg paper plus a ‘previous action’ script (i’ve got to write up a script showing what happened before the play itself starts). i’ve got a SHITTON of work to do and only 9 hours for the sa final, then 24 hrs for the acting i final, then 26 hrs for the itt final, and somehow i’ve got to find at least 3 hours for my sc final. all while trying to get sleep and not eating anything.

plus i’ve still got to do some loan stuff with finaid this week.

i emailed my profs telling them what’s going on, but they’re not going to accept any late finals, so idk why i bothered. (i haven’t heard back bc i just emailed them like, an hour ago and it’s 1a). i CANNOT fuck up this semester bc i won’t get finaid anymore if i do and i can’t drop out. so like, i’ve got to get everything together, but i’m just so fucking sick and everything is overwhelming. i’m going to do my damnedest to get everything done, but idk if i’ll be able to. i rly don’t know.

i’m so fucking stressed over this shit, which is only making my gallbladder issues worse, so it’s a losing battle all around and i’m drowning. honestly, if i had the money, i’d pay for someone to do this for me, but i can’t and i wouldn’t anyway bc like, i’m not putting my name on anything i didn’t do myself out of some bullshit pride thing i’ve got going on. my pride’s gonna get me killed one day, i just know it.

but, tonight, i’m gonna work on my script analysis final and pray to god i can get it done in time. i’ve got like 2 hours left on my adderall, maybe 3 if i push it. i need to make a plan of attack for everything and get to work.

i’m not going to fail this semester if it fucking kills me. and it actually might.