#things aren't great in my head lol
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shadowed-yet-vibrant · 11 months ago
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Super cool and healthy that the only way I can stomach having sex is getting so drunk I can hardly comprehend my surroundings.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the#best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b#like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional#control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood#weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start#crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way#not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things.#thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi#now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me.#working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning &#prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st.#task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in#this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do#moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an#then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose#things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the#picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to#absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal#away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i#still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop#switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping#would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is#but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually#unrelated#i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static#but focus is not a thing i cna control
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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 months ago
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skinamarble hornets, i was like i hope my favorite skinamascene has been uplomarinked on youtube....reminds me of that season one marble hornets entry that's the First House Visit and how i saw it described somewhere as like "absolutely nothing happens, & it's terrifying" & it reminds me of the torment of watching as the series was released & Every Time something came out, no matter what happened in like setting, atmosphere, plot, scares, there'd be someone going "ugh another Nothing entry" over the most crucial &/or enjoyable shit so long as it didn't feature [& he's cookin hot dogs on the stove???] & didn't feature it like every other minute for good measure. as though a format that is predictable, like the promise of the same kind of scene in the same intervals of timing, would actually be scary or at all interesting. shoutout to these the entries, or even intervals of time within entries, where "absolutely nothing happens" and it's called suspense in knowing it Could, tension in an unsafe, uneasy, unsettling situation in the meantime, & then also potential followup recontextualization that only creates more tension for later similar material. ("absolutely nothing" happens (of course, actually, things happen, but) in the skinamarink scene save for the literal last few seconds when the "jumpscare" is a very brief change in audio & visuals which is neither actually that loud nor like showing anything scary(tm) (technically a la marble hornets i think people say you can like see an arm extend for a nanosecond but i never catch it if so lol) but rather hits at all because of 8 minutes of suspense & tension & Nothing Happening But It Could) (also bravely standing up like "it's fine that skinamarink has some jumpscares, including the obvious few even jumpier than this" like who cares if it's "easy" necessarily & also that Knowing such startlement can happen ramps up the tension even when it didn't, but it could've. like so)
#finally some Yeah Yayyy (horror i've seen that wasn't [all the stuff where at this point i may as well not even say i like horror])#i kind of do in the sense that i go Wheee at enjoyable [aaa tension aaa gripping the handlebars] like so. & some ppl don't#& that the genre can obviously express fun interesting things. skinamarink e.g. is one of the really few things where like#plenty of people can go ''so my avg tuesday as a four year old'' Like Me when you really don't see it portrayed well hardly at all#other like ''oh nooo the experience of child abuse'' in horror or in Anything is like. head in hands scream (not in a good way)#this has both the like often literal physical perspective of small children. the metaphorical perspective of small children#(like even if one's parents were Fine & not as much an omnipotent haunting temperamental presence either awol or insistently toying w/you#were you not likely stuck in a Living Space unless & until whichever adult you were landed with; tossup re: malice levels towards you;#decided to bring you out of it (or you had Official Transit somewhere like for school) & Even Then. stuck living with adult guardian#until legal adulthood anyways which Is literal multiple [live your Entire Life over again]s away when you're very small. & even then like#people generally can't actually up & Escape the instant they're eighteen. but anyways the One Zillion Years [Killing You] Loop applies#metaphorically. & the [Killing You] Loop Just B/c Someone Can applies to plenty of situations ppl aren't four but still lack power#anyways re: this specific clip my favorite element probably of this favorite scene are the perfectly quiet Technically Unthreatening audio#where the seeming parent voice is not Loud but is suddenly a) inexplicably close by & b) too Almost playful already#almost singsong; feeling just a tiny bit too slow. like that makes it Intrusive in this way & entirely unsettling & ominous lol. dissonant#& aptly resonates with [yeah i've had similar very young nightmaresque scenarios. about being called by parent figures]#apt when it's like & yeah growing up in the heck dimension trying to deal by fending for yourself or nervously catering to the entities#is like yes it's obviously The Horrors & it's also The Comedy (enough of the same thing)#also apt when the inspiration & evoked Experience is meant to be truly surreal. dream formatting#limited visuals in scope & depth & clarity; moving from one place or view to another without usual Logics of progression there. yolo#next favorite bit is the very end. avoiding having faces shown so much & then one as the only thing you see but very out of focus#and then nothing happens lol thee end. but you hold your breath peel off the armrests anyways! phone bit is great too. efficient#anyways still a hater over MH complainers ''ohh nothing happened oohh more trees'' like yeah yeah i'm sure you could pare it down#i'm sure you could pare down [looking at a wall] shots in skinamarink but who cares. It's Fine As Is & shaving it down risks ruining it#Youtube
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theleotarot · 4 months ago
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What Would A Relationship With Them Be Like? ♡
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This tarot reading can be for those who are wondering what it would be like in a relationship with their person of interest, crush, talking stage, friend, etc.
Pick the image(s) that you feel drawn to or resonate most with. They are in order from left to right. Pile 1,2,3, and 4. ♡
Ko-Fi tipping and extended readings
Pile 1
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(The Hierophant rx, Seven of Wands, Four of Wands, The Magician, Three of Swords, Two of Swords, & Ten of Pentacles, Twin Flames, & Let Go of Control Issues)
Hi Pile 1, welcome to your reading! So for my pile 1s, I believe that at the beginning of your relationship, your person would have a bit of trouble committing. I feel like this is because maybe in the past, they've had some sort of trauma or loss that is stopping them from committing to you, however I do feel like your person feels like you are the right person for them. They do see your great qualities but there is just something that is blocking them fully giving their heart to you. I see your person wanting to do relationship things with you but in some way, you feel like maybe this person isn't the right one for you because of their trouble with commitment or consistency, and it's not that they don't feel any romantic feelings for you, but it’s because they actually do. I just feel like they aren't capable of fully expressing the way they love towards you or how much they love you because of past hurt. This really makes you feel that you're unsure if your person is really for you because you have other things in your life going on, like school, work, or family life, but at the same time you want that love and relationship with your person. So I do think that your relationship with this person would involve a lot of ups and downs about commitment or consistency, especially at the beginning stages but I do see that after you both come to an agreement on this issue and resolve it, I see huge commitment here with the four of wands. I see that the biggest aspect of you and your person's relationship is working together to solve conflicts, especially with the seven of wands right in the middle of your reading. I believe that even if your person is somehow emotionally unavailable to you, if both of you communicate your needs and accommodate to one another, I believe that there is so much potential to have a beautiful relationship with another. I see a lot of twin flame energy here. I believe that both of you have kind of opposite viewpoints on love or different perspectives of what love is and I think that's where you both clash heads. I think regardless of your person having emotional problems, they still have very, very strong feelings for you, and on your end, you have very strong feelings for them because you see so much potential in them being your partner the same way that they see you. That's why I think that as your relationship progresses, both of you will turn out to be on the same page and once that conversation happens, you both are willing to work together and your relationship will turn into something very committal, reciprocal, and loving.
In your relationship I do see that your person will do things that make you feel like “Wow I can’t believe they did this for me.” I think that this person surely does want to give you their all and they want to woo you. Again, I do see that your person really wants to give you the love that you deserve but they just aren't fully capable of doing that, but I do see that they will learn to learn your love language, how you see love, what your perspective on love is, and they will turn around eventually with time to accommodate to your needs. With you I sense that you bring a lot of warmth and stability to your relationship. In a way, I feel that you love giving gifts to people you care about too so you might spoil them in this relationship lol. I think if you were in a relationship with your person, you would be extremely devoted to them and would be a great partner in teamwork and building your life along with theirs. And I think that you really do affect this person in a very much positive way because with their past trauma that has hurt them. I think they're able to confide in you and trust you and this plays a big role into why they would want to change their ways of thinking to be with you. Pile 1, your reading is a bit on the darker side of the energy but I think that's because your person has probably gone through so much and it's affected them a lot in terms of the mental and emotional aspect. This might lead you to feeling high anxiety and makes you wonder if this would be the right person for you if you were in a relationship with them but getting the four of wands card, twin flame card, and the wedding card at the back of the deck signifies that if both of you are willing to look at love in the same way and put in your efforts to work through it, there is light at the end of the tunnel that may lead to marriage and the commitment that you want. It just takes time and patience, whether if it's your person or you. I do see a lot of attraction in this relationship, even if someone might be guarded up. The attraction and admiration would still be lingering when problems arise and I think that when problems do arise, it's very hard for both of you to let each other go. That's why I say that both of you do need to work extremely hard in this relationship to make it last.
Ko-Fi Extended Reading: Is there a chance of this relationship coming into fruition? + Advice
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Pile 2
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(The Emperor, Three of Pentacles, The Magician, Two of Swords, Ace of Swords, Nine of Wands, Two of Cups, Not Today, & True Love)
Hi pile 2, welcome to your reading! So first off, I want to say that if you were in a relationship with your person, there would be such a strong sense of structure and direction. Only take what resonates, but this may be a coworker or a friend from a group project that you may be working on. If that does not resonate, then what I want to say to you is that you and your person work very well together. You both have similar viewpoints, not just in love, but in other aspects of the world. I think you both may have something in common, if not work-related, then maybe academically related on some level. You both have common interests in something particular and can build a connection very easily based on similar interests. Your relationship with them would also be reciprocal and if you want to work on this, they would be willing to work on that. I feel very strongly that your person does try their best to provide for you in your relationship. I think that they would be more traditional, meaning they would be the one to take the man's role and help you out financially, mentally, and emotionally. They would want you to be in your feminine energy and they just want you to feel like you are in your own power because they see the magic in you.
Now I do feel like in your relationship, maybe you have some sort of fears like abandonment or feeling hurt from something from the past. You may feel guarded in your relationship just a bit in the beginning of this relationship and this person sometimes may be in their head contemplating what should they do to bring the relationship more alive so you can feel secure. Of course, overtime you will trust them and open up. I do see them being a very great communicator with you. I think one way that they possibly can show you their love is through words of affirmation. I think maybe they would be straightforward to you on how they feel about you, or in your relationship, they would be the one to ask how was your day on text message or on the phone. When problems arise, they're able to actually communicate with you about the problem and how they can make you feel better. I do think that your person is someone who does not want to play games. Once they are committed to someone, they don't like the mind games. They want to be with the person that they love and want to court them regardless if there is a relationship already. They feel like that's the man's role- the acts of service is what I'm picking up on too. They want to treat their lady like she is the queen, which he should. Now you feel very romantic with them. I believe that you are very romantic when it comes to relationships after you finally trust the person, and they show you that they are worthy of your time and effort. I believe that sometimes you do like setting up dates, like home dates with nice candles and nice decorations on the wall. It's not easy for you to let anyone in in your life, yet you let your person in your life, and they show you that love can be easy and love is real with the right person. Once that lover side of you comes out, all the love and romance you feel for your person releases. I think you'd be very touchy with them, and they would love that. I think you really love how reassuring they could be with their words, their actions, and the way they maneuver the relationship. I think what they love about you is how genuine and sweet you are. They also view you as someone who's more than them in a sense. I also feel like you stand up for them if anyone were to ever talk in negative ways about your person. You would definitely stand up for them and if you were to feel like someone is being mean to your person, you're not afraid to step in and call them out on it because you want to protect your person, just like how they want to protect you. I think your person also likes to plan the dates and take action. He's the one to make the decisions, and I think that's one thing you also really like about him. The love that both of you would share is very reciprocal, but I do see that this may be a runner and chaser kind of dynamic, maybe at the beginning of the relationship. I urge you to be careful with that because we may have past trauma that leads to us having abandonment wounds and can lead us to self-sabotage or hurting someone else’s feelings. It's not healthy to keep making someone wait or make someone chase us even though we can't help it, and we're not meaning to do it necessarily. I do think that if you were in a relationship with your person, it would be fairly healthy, and it seems to me that they would really admire you, and you would really admire them too, but we just need to get past the fears.
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Pile 3
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(Nine of Cups, Wheel of Fortune, Nine of Pentacles, Strength, Ace of Cups, Four of Wands, King of Wands, Wedding Rings, & Honeymoon)
Hi pile 3, welcome to your reading! I just want to tell you all that this is the best pile of all the other ones, and while I was shuffling your cards, I was such in awe and I couldn't help but keep squealing. Like I really, really loved this reading. The energy just feels so great and I'm so happy for you guys.
So first things first, I want to point out that the wheel of fortune is at the center of your reading. This tells that if you were in a relationship with your person, you both would feel extremely lucky to be with each other. I do think there would be some differences that both of you have, whether it be a difference in culture, race, physical distance, or values, you may have uncertainty at the beginning of the relationship, but ultimately, over time your relationship just works out and you feel like everything good in your relationship that has happened is in your favor. You feel very lucky and fulfilled in your relationship with them. There would be so much love shared between the both of you, and at the same time, both of you would still live very independently but with each other. For instance, one of you may have to work and be out more, while the other person is fine being by themselves, and you both are being independent and striving for your own goals, not because you want the separation, but because you are both stable enough to trust another to be on your own, while still loving and caring for the other. At the end of the day, you know that you both have each other to find comfort in and be in love with each other. I do see that if you both were in a romantic relationship, you would go out to fancy restaurants, even if you are on a budget. I can see that from time to time, you both like to dress up and have fancy dinners and live that luxurious lifestyle. I see that you both love to travel, even if it's just to a beach that you've always been to. Your travels can range from going to the beach to another country that is luxurious. For example, maybe you go to Greece. You both don't necessarily need the luxury to be happy, but it's something that adds to your connection. Besides that, you both really love being in each other's company and it's just a lot of warmth within this connection. It feels very safe coming from both parties.
I think on your person’s side, if they were in a relationship with you, they are very capable of and they will be your protector. I sense that not only they may look like the physicality of exuding strength, but I believe that their mental capacity is very strong. They will incorporate their strength into your relationship, so any disagreements or fights that you may have, they will always be fighting for your relationship to work. I think they are very loyal and dedicated to you as well because with the strength card, it's related to Leo, and Leos are usually known for their loyalty like lions are. A note to add to this reading is that this reading contains a lot of fire, so fire signs may be very prominent here. Your person has this very dominating side to them. I can also see that they have an overflowing of love care and emotion towards you, and they aren't afraid to express their love for you in every love language. It's like this person has a balance between their masculinity and their femininity. They aren't afraid to show their feelings, and that is one of the best things that you can ask for in someone. On your end, you are also very committed and dedicated to your person because of this 4 of wands. Now, you also got the king of wands, and it really matches with the strength card, so both ends have fire signs which resembles lots of passion between you. I think you bring a lot of creativity into the relationship. For instance, you would be the type to say “Hey babe, let's try this and let's do this” and your person would say heck yes because they're just like you- They want to try out new things and they love the passion and fire within both of you. Both of you are very loyal to each other and the excitement is always there. If things do burn out, you both will always find ways to bring the spark back up. I also want to express that there is heavy sexual chemistry between the both of you. I think your person finds you very, very seductive with your energy and the way you look like, just who you are as a person. You might be the type in this relationship to dress yourself up good, make yourself look better to impress your person, not because you're insecure but because you want to feel good yourself. Your physical appearance just adds on to your attractiveness and they find you so alluring. Now, you find them very attractive too with this strength card, and with all the fire here, there's just a lot of attraction here, and I think that you guys would be very, very sexually compatible but I won't get into that because this is not an 18+ reading lol. But just know that you both will enjoy everything together, and I mean emotionally, mentally, and physically. 😉
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Pile 4
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(The Hermit, The Chariot, The World, Two of Wands, The Moon, Queen of Pentacles, Page of Pentacles, Old School, & You Deserve Love)
Hi pile 4, welcome to your reading! So, if you were in a relationship with this person on your mind, I believe that this is the type of relationship where “it's not a secret, but private.” The both of you spend a lot of time alone together, and if you or they are regularly around friends or family, once you're in this relationship with them, it's like the people surrounding you don't see you as often anymore because you and your person are always occupying each other's time. I get the sense that your person might be a very shy person, or they're always alone. It's not really a bad thing, but I just wanted to note it down because it's something that keeps popping up in my head.
I do think that this is the type of person to take you to a lot of places. They are the one to drive you around places, and they like to plan their getaways and vacations if you have any. I think on your end, you like to nurture them a lot and you might teach them about the more practical things in life maybe about school or finance of some sort they learn something from your relationship out of you. I think you're more of a home body as well and you prefer to do things at home with them. Maybe you'd like to just cuddle on the couch and watch movies or play board games with them. They would like to do all those with you too because as I said, they are very into themselves and loner is not the word, but they are in solitude. This relationship that you would have with your person, it gives me youngster vibes where both of you have a lot of passion and excitement whenever you guys are around each other. There's especially a lot of excitement coming through when you both have a getaway because it feels like you guys are running away from your problem- Getting away to relax from everything else around you that you may feel is collapsing. You both are each other's safe ground. I think you may both connect through music together too. I can see both of you guys either on road trips or even at home listening to your favorite music together. Your relationship with your person would involve a lot of playfulness like playful banter and playful fighting 😉. I think both of you are very heavy on the love language of physical touch. I see here that you both love the kisses, holding, cuddling, and hugs. I believe that both of you make each other very good about yourself. A song coming through right now is “I like me better” by Lauv. That might resonate for some of you, maybe it might not, but in a sense, I feel like when you both are with each other, it makes you feel like a better version of yourself, pile 4.
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adamnablelittledevil · 5 months ago
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Reading Anne Rice seems to be a constant cycle of: This is one of the best things I've ever read. This is one of the worst things I've ever read. I'm bored. I don't want to do anything else but read these books. Whatever. This is problematic and offends every minority that exists. Educate yourself. Get a job, stay way from that character! You're weird. You're a creep even by this genre standards. You're annoying. You should die. This is so unnecessary. Why, just why? Stop repeating yourself, you have said that same thing 954869048 times now. Get to the point! This is so exaggeratedly descriptive. This is so wonderfully descriptive. I can see it so vividly in my head and love it! It feels like I'm experiencing it myself and not in a good way, make it stop! Laughs. Cries. Chills. Depression! Autism! BPD! ADHD! Dyslexia! Everyone gets a DSM condition! And some that aren't even discovered yet! And they're all amplified by vampirism! Nobody gets medication or therapy, though! The Catholicism and Catholic guilt are heavy on those people. The existential crisis is real. Whoa there, great discussion. I can relate. I hate this POV. You're my favorite character. You're my favorite ship. These two should kiss. Okay, I get it, Armand is the most beautiful creature that has ever existed. This is poetry. Those two should NOT kiss. This is so creative and imaginative, I love it. You're contradicting yourself. Nevermind, it makes sense. I take it back, I like this character now? Okay, you're just making random stuff happen without any explanation at this point? I don't even know who is who or what's happening anymore. Reads page again. Are you okay? Please, do therapy, you certainly have a lot of things you need to work on. What the hell is wrong with you? Your brain is so... something. Added stuff because I had more thoughts lol.
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easy-there-leftovers · 7 months ago
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As Cool As I Think I Am
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Summary: The 5 times Spencer tries to be cool, and the 1 time he doesn't care. 
Alternatively; Spencer never thought he was cool, but he found himself wanting to be just for you. 
[a/n] Recommended to be read after, "A Question Unasked", and is a roundabout sequel to "Mixed Messages."
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem! (mentored by Hotch!) reader| cw: slight spoilers for s1e04, s1e06, s1e08, s1e10, and s1e18 | description of canon-typical violence, timeframe switches because I can, and Spencer being an oblivious, lovesick idiot (can't believe this version of him survived all of this lol) | word count: 7.2k
Amazing. You had called him, “amazing” during the Arizona case and that was all that had been occupying his mind as of late. He had been called brilliant before. Been described as bright, gifted, hell, he was called a genius even. Yet that was the first time anyone had said anything positive about him.
Removed from his intellectual capabilities.
It made him think that there was more that he could offer than just his never-ending stream of knowledge and incessant rambling.
You had seen that in him.
Seen that he was 'amazing.'
But he certainly wasn’t feeling that way now.
“On SWAT we broke shots down into three steps." Spencer nodded as he listened.
"One: Front sight. Focus on the front sight, not on the target. Two: Controlled trigger press. Three: Follow through. After the shot, you come right back to the target. Now, what did you do wrong?”
He sighs with his eyes closed. “I didn't follow through.” 
“Right. You came off the target to see where you hit.”
Hotch had been observing him for the past few minutes to prepare him for his assessment tomorrow, and yet it still felt like he was making no discernable progress. 
He had memorized every trick, every form, every physics interplay that could better the ballistics of his shot and yet he still couldn't do it.
"Hotch, my firearms qualification is tomorrow morning. I barely passed my last one." He had said, putting the gun down.
He feels his unit chief gently push him aside to demonstrate and he gets in position.
"Front sight," He aims his gun.
"Trigger press," He presses down on the trigger, resulting in a gunshot to the target.
"Follow through." He finally says. Keeping his eyes forward with his finger still depressing the trigger until he holsters his gun again.
"You do those three things, you'll hit your target every time." Spencer shakes his head.
He tries to replicate the steps again, but only fails miserably.
He has been doing that. He is doing that. And yet he still keeps missing.
If this wasn't part of his job, maybe he wouldn't have cared all too much about his gun proficiency. Or lack of.
And yet it was.
And it was imperative that he learned it to keep his place on the team, but he had been losing hope.
"They're going to take away my gun."
Sensing his frustration, Hotch empathizes with him.
"Profilers aren't required to carry." He groans at that.
"Yeah, but she does and she's great at it."
God, you must've thought he was pathetic.
Aaron laughs internally at that. He knows exactly who the younger one is talking about.
He had seen the way that Spencer had been watching his 'protege,' and it didn't take being a profiler to know that he was absolutely smitten. If he hadn't known any better, he would've thought that Reid's frustrations stemmed from wanting to seem more experienced in front of you.
And Hotch saw no problem with that, at least for now. On the contrary, the two of you working together seemed to have bolstered his focus on the case. Making the team more efficient with their investigations.
He also thinks that it helped because you seemed to return Reid's sentiment, which is why he had brought you along to help him.
So when Spencer turns and sees you walk in, he blanches.
As much as he really liked your presence (you were friends, right?), he really didn't want to embarrass himself in front of you.
He does that more than enough on his own.
But it seemed like your mentor didn't care.
Hotch says your name with a greeting before excusing himself which tells Spencer that he had planned this from the start. He sighs at that. Chest feeling heavy at the pressure.
He sees you give him a polite smile, which he's come to recognize to be your way of easing him, and he returns it.
"I've heard about your progress." Spencer rolls his eyes at that.
"More like regress. I'm sorry that you have to be here." You snort at his joke but shake your head to assure him.
"I'm right where I want to be. "
His heart fills, even though he knows that not what you meant.
"Why don't you go ahead and show me how you fire that gun?"
He nods and waits for you to put on your ear muffs and goggles before he returns to his position. Calming himself down as he remembers Hotch's words.
Front sight, trigger press, follow through.
He fires three bullets and sees them all hit the whites of the target, which makes him sigh for the umpteenth time.
He puts the gun down and lowers his ear muffs to look at you. Seemingly deep in thought, chin resting on your hand, with eyes travelling slowly up and down his form. Observing.
Scrutinizing.
Assessing.
He can't help but feel naked under your gaze.
He always knew you were smart. The cases you've helped solve were more than proof of just that, but he knew that even you couldn't solve the mystery that was his aim.
He couldn't expect that of you. He relies on you so often already.
He briefly wonders how there's such a different between you and him. You joined the same year, joined the same unit, and worked with the same people on the same cases. How was it that you seemed calmer, cooler, and more prepared for anything more than he ever was?
Spencer firmly believes that intelligence cannot be quantified. And if anyone ever doubted him, he would just point at you and say that you had him beat everywhere despite what any number might have to say otherwise.
Case and point. you had been talking to him about something very important and thoughtful and he had been zoning out the entire time.
"I um,–– what?"
You shake your head and gesture to his gun once more. "Show me your form again."
He takes his gun hesitantly, but readies himself the same way he did earlier. The only exception being that his finger isn't on the trigger.
He hears that telltale, almost bored, 'hm' of yours before you speak again.
"Tuck your chest in."
He's read countless firearm manuals and instructions and he's never heard of that before.
"I'm sorry?"
"Tuck your chest in." You say it again, but it's still not making sense to him.
Unable to voice or even act upon his confusion, he watches as you wait with an impassive face before asking,
"Can I touch you?" He lets out a shaky, but immediate 'yes' and you move to stand beside him.
Given your calm and nonchalant demeanor, he anticipates a more impersonal touch. For lack of a better word. He expects a shove. Maybe a push, to correct him into the right place.
So when your hand comes to softly rest on his stomach, fingers splaying across the expanse of his undefined abdominal muscles, he feels his breath hitch. Upper body slightly crumpling in on himself as he does.
He's surprised he hasn't dropped his gun.
"Dr. Reid,"
He's also surprised that his heart hasn't stopped. With how you said his name, and how close you are– he can already feel your soft breath gracing his ear–
"You're an autodidact, aren't you?"
A self-taught person, he thinks.
"I–– I am." Curse his shaky voice.
"You know, there are some things that can't be learned by just reading textbooks and looking at diagrams."
He feels you tap his stomach and he suddenly feels hot.
"Feel this?" He feels you engulfing his senses, that's for sure. But he nods slowly.
"Remember it. Your center of gravity is different from the subjects in those graphics. So the form you need to take is likewise different."
And just like that, all too quick for his liking, you move away. Hand leaving him just like whatever depraved thought might've been running around his head.
He hesitantly looks back at you, and you gesture to his gun again. Noticing how your free hand is resting on the gun in your holster.
A Glock 19, he remembers.
"Go ahead and shoot like that now."
He does, in the same way that he's compelled to follow your voice like always–
Front sight, trigger press, follow through.
And fires three shots.
To his surprise, he manages to shoot the target's chest. Not quite centered, he admits, but its a vast improvement from his previous attempts.
"I– I did it." He feels the disbelief on his face when he looks at you again. He's expecting you to look just as shocked as he does. After all, you saw just how egregious his aim was. So it surprises him when he turns and is greeted instead with the small smile on your face.
Not the same polite smile that you usually give when you're at work, no. It was a soft, genuine smile, or so he thinks.
"I never doubted your capabilities, Dr. Reid."
He beams under your praise. Blooming like a flower under the warm radiance of the Sun. Once again subject to that brain-freezing sensation from a few weeks ago.
If he just remembers everything you told him today, which wasn't a lot, he theoretically should pass his firearm qualifications with no problem.
And maybe, just maybe, he'll get to see you smile at him again.
After all, he had always wanted for you to look at him. Actually look at him.
Maybe if he passes his test this time, you will.
----
The following day, he doesn’t pass his test.
And he is much more embarrassed now than he ever was before. 
He returns to the bullpen with his head down. Already expecting everyone to know of his failure.
He really didn't want to see if you were one of the ones that had been looking at him.
What he doesn't see is that you were.
But you weren't disappointed at all. You wanted nothing more than to reassure him. To tell him that you could always help him again, and that you didn't mind the extra work if it weren't for the stares that you had been getting back.
Seemingly turning your what-would've-been act of friendship and care into an expectation and responsibility.
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"Make a wish!"
"Come on, man. Blow, baby, blow!"
"I thought you were full of hot air, Reid."
"They're trick candles, Spence, okay? They–– They're going to come back on every time."
While Spencer is glad that he’s spending his birthday with actual people, there's one in particular that he's missing.
He also feels sort of embarrassed that he's having a full-on birthday at his workplace. Though he is very thankful that his friends care about him enough to do this.
"Hope you like chocolate." JJ says with a laugh and he is only now recognizing the cake. Previously too caught up in blowing out the undying flames to even notice the festive dessert that supported them.
"Where's the cake from?" The blonde only gives him a look that he can't quite understand, but he is immediately distracted when he feels a draft from where Hotch passes by him.
He looks in the direction he came from and lo and behold, he found the very person he was missing.
He gets up, wanting to at least get a greeting from you, but he's interrupted by Gideon asking him something before he can even try.
"You having fun?"
He knows that he's asking him, but he can also see how his eyes aren't quite addressing him back. Instead, looking up a few inches above him.
He gives a tight lip smile when he realizes just what he's looking at.
God, he felt pathetic.
“Yes, definitely. I am definitely– having fun.” 
"Make a wish?" He asks another question and that’s when Spencer sees what he's doing now.
Ever since he first exhibited signs of interest in you, he knew that his mentor would be the first to clock them. He couldn't even hide it if he tried. If there was anyone on the team that he knew would figure it out this quick, it would've been him.
He expected it.
What he didn't expect was for Gideon to show disapproval for it.
For you.
Back during the Arizona case, he remembers how Gideon had interrupted you when you were explaining something. And that's when he realized you were going to have a hard time.
You were going to have a hard time because of his own rapidly growing interest.
Because he froze when you said one nice thing about him, then proceeded to wow him with your observational skills.
He didn't want Gideon to think that you were being a distraction to him, so he instead chose to show just how well the two of you had worked together. Even going as far as to double down and reiterate your statements to convince him of that.
And it seemed to have worked, but now he wasn't so sure.
"Can I take this hat off?"
He wanted nothing more than to do just that before you notice him, but his mentor just shook his head.
"I wouldn't."
He doesn't know it's because Gideon knew you found it cute.
By the time that he notices the elder doesn't really care about the conversation anymore, probably too distracted by the TV behind him, his gaze finally focuses on you.
The very person that he had intended to talk to.
The one he intended to talk the entire time before he got sidetracked.
You still hadn't turned to look at him though, or make an attempt to greet him. Not even a laugh to mock him for the huge, 'Happy Birthday' hat that sat on his head to make him look like a dunce!
Instead, you were staring at something. Or rather, someone.
He turns his head to look just where you were and there he sees his unit chief, your mentor, on the receiving end of your intense gaze.
Just like always.
He shakes his head and decides to just go talk to you, but he is once again interrupted. This time by Hotch with a solemn expression on his face.
“Sorry guys. Party’s over.”
You immediately spring into action at his words, completely missing his hand that was just about to come up to wave at you. He tightens his lips into a thin smile.
Spencer's starting to doubt Morgan and Elle's words.
–––––––––––––
The sentiment is rectified when he finally receives the one thing he had been looking forward to on his birthday, and it wasn't the gift.
Not even the greeting.
It was being able to be in your presence. Being able to spend time with you. The you that wasn't so stressed or strict about work, or the case, or your boss.
It was just him and you. You and him. And the scarf that seemed to warm him just as much as his heart warmed at the sight of your smiling face.
God, what he would do to have this with you forever.
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Spencer is well aware that likes you.
Hell, even the rest of team knows it by now, but he's starting to fear that his unconscious mind is more aware of that than his conscious one.
Case and point, he had been having dreams.
Nightmares, actually.
Nightmares that he can't help but think will happen if he takes his eyes off of you for even a second.
Morgan had asked him earlier when he was making coffee if something was causing him to lose sleep. If you had been causing him to lose sleep, he had asked with a teasing smirk.
And while normally he would've flushed and stumbled at his implication that a night of you had been keeping him up, he admits to what's been plaguing his mind.
Naturally, he doesn't tell him the full nature of his night terrors. But his friend doesn't need him to. Not with the way that his eyes try to find yours every chance he gets, focus going in and out of the conversation like an adjusting lens.
Spencer fears that one day, no matter how strong or smart or clever you are, it's his negligence that'll place you on the receiving end of a killer's weapon.
And that there's nothing that he can do to stop them from landing the finishing blow.
He knows that it's not rational, but he also knows that dreams are rarely, if not never, rational. Studies show that around seventy to eighty-percent of dreams contain bizarre or irrational elements. This included unusual settings, impossible scenarios, and illogical developments to be featured in the unconscious brain.
Doesn't mean that he's alright with seeing it so often, though.
What's worse is that he knows that it can very much happen during the BAU cases. And that he can't even prepare himself for that scenario.
He's practically deadweight on the field with his still erratic aim and bambi legs, he's surprised you aren't sick of him yet.
He laughs a bit at the thought. Clutching a portion of his scarf—the only thing that has been keeping the nightmares at bay— as he promises himself that he won't leave your side.
Especially not in the confounding forest of McAllister, Virginia.
Which is why he's stuck in his current position.
“Dr. Reid, I need you to check back downhill and see if the deputies have returned.” He looks at you incredulously.
“What? No! I can’t leave you here– ” 
He doesn't know what exactly you found in the abandoned house, but he knew that it wasn't wise to leave you with no one but a high schooler.
You might think he's not all that different from the kid, but he's at least trained to be an FBI agent.
“We need the rest of the sheriffs and the crime scene team here.”
You looked dead into his eyes, yet he still didn't relent. No matter how reasonable your request was.
In any other situation, he might've thought you were cool. That you were handling the situation like a natural, and that you were very responsible for taking charge when he was there with his heart threatening to beat out of his chest.
But he didn't want to leave you. Not when you looked like you've just seen a ghost.
He grasped your shoulders, firmly but gently, and practically begged for you to come with him.
Stating that what you were feeling was a completely normal physiological response. That your body was sending neropinephrine to your brain to help regulate the stress and compensate for whatever was happening inside of you and that it would be safer to stay together––
But when he sees you ice him out– concealing all remaining traces of shock or fear or worry– he freezes.
His eyes raked across your features, biding his time. Committing every micro-reaction, every hair out of place, every faux-calm movement of your eyes before he had to let you go with a nod. Leaving hurriedly to find anyone that can help and constantly looking back at you to assure his consciousness that you were fine, and that you would be fine.
When he saw that the other sheriff wasn't there yet, much less anyone for that matter, he immediately went back. Running uphill fast to get to you.
To make sure that you were alright, that you were alive, and that no one was coming to hurt you.
Which is how he found himself here.
Gun held to his head by the very high schooler that, he thought, wouldn't have been of help if another dangerous person had shown up.
When you raised your hands and dropped your gun in surrender, he was scared of what would happen to you both if he didn't act quick.
But he was even more scared of what could happen to you if he doesn't talk his way out.
Fast.
So that's what he did.
––––––––––
He didn't get to check on you, he realizes.
He knew you were able to knock the kid out, he was there when he helped you distract him, but he must’ve been wheezing because he was the first one to get ushered out and checked on.
He wants to tell them to check on you. That you had landed pretty badly when the unsub was able to push you back, but he can hardly even hear his own thoughts.
The siren of the police car, the medic talking to him, the rest of the team discussing the case's outcome, and his own heart in his ears were simply too much for him.
By the time that things had settled down, he notices that you still aren't there with him. He worries and whips his head around wildly before his eyes find yours already looking at him.
Doing so with an expression of regret or grief etched onto your face.
He sighs in relief, and gives you the best smile he can give to assure you that he's okay despite having been worried sick.
He needed you to know that he was fine. That it wasn’t your fault. That he was glad you're okay too.
That he was so impressed with what you had done despite the circumstances, and that you had handled the situation way better than he knew anyone on the team ever could.
So when you seem to turn away from him, he briefly wonders if something was actually wrong.
He tries to look back on what might've happened. Wonders if there's something he didn't see when he came back, or when he was away––
And that's when he realizes something.
Could he have put you in more danger when he came back to check on you? That he had accidentally sabotaged your takedown?
He sighs. He must've looked so pathetic in front of you getting grabbed like that–– but he's not sorry.
He had been doing that for your safety and for his own peace of mind–– he wasn't going to apologize for caring about you.
He'll make it up to you somehow.
The next time you go on another case together, which you two inevitably will, he'll make it up to you.
That, he promises.
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He actually doesn't get to work with you again. So he decides that he can make it up to you by narrowing down the unsub's identity.
In fact, he hasn't seen you at all since the team first arrived at the crime scene.
You had been working with Hotch and Morgan on more field operations, leaving him with Elle and Penelope doing background checks on possible suspects. And while he wasn't with you, he'd like to think that he's still enjoying the company.
Well, that's what he would like to think.
He has no problems working with Elle. She was a nice colleague that seemed to occasionally humor his rants and got the job done quickly. And Penelope was someone that the both of you really got along with. Occasionally having this back and forth unique to the three of you.
But they weren't you.
Still. What he thought about you can wait later. He still has to think about his escape route if the two break out into a fight.
Right now, the three of them had staked out one Michael Russo who they anticipated would call his hitman, the suspected Unsub. They were hoping to get a name from what they could pick up from his end of the call, and they did.
Problem was,
"Russo's got eleven associates named Vincent." Spencer raised his brows at that.
Vincent is a name of Latin origins. He shouldn't be surprised that the mob had a handful of people with that name, but it was kind of too on the nose at this point.
"Oh, make that ten. Vincent Cellito died last summer. But here's something––Vincent Sartori."
He really wants to find this guy, so he chooses to keep looking through the list. Ignoring the growing tension between the two girls.
"Currently doing six at Dannemora for racketeering."
Spencer then speaks up again, "How about this Perotta? There's not much on him."
Garcia makes quick work to pull up what seemed to be deleted records and that's where they find something interesting.
"Alcohol addiction at 14, violent outbursts, assaults,–– Once threw a Molotov cocktail at someone sitting in their car." She can't believe what she's reading.
"Several notations for aggression," He adds, but this is where he sees something truly wrong.
"He once scheduled a visit to an infirmary to gain access to a–– boy who looked at him for too long?"
He really didn't want to meet this guy.
"No fear, no remorse, quick temper. And he was smart enough to stay off the radar as an adult," Elle interprets. "Paranoid personality. Could be our guy."
And he really didn't want you to meet him either.
All the evidence is stacking up against him though, so you just might have to. He just wished that nothing bad would happen when you did.
––––––––––
While right now they weren't sure if he was the unsub, he was definitely someone who fit their profile. He saw some LEO's bring in a guy who had essentially been cuffed at every limb, accompanied by Hotch and Gideon, but he had yet to see the others.
He sees Morgan, who is walking alongside Elle (she went to see what all the commotion was about) but with who he sees next, he feels his stomach drop. Heart rate spiking in contrast to an all time high that he's practically sure he has tachycardia.
"What happened to you!?"
He got up from his seat to run over but you just shake your head.
You had come back with your clothes and hair in disarray, a bleeding nose, and a a busted lip. A complete disparity to the normally clean-cut and professional look that you had strived to maintain.
Even when you had been tackled to the ground a few cases back, the damage wasn't nearly as bad as this.
It's Derek that answers his question for him though.
"Perotta hit your girl up in the head, Reid." He chooses to ignore the joke. Too worried as he tries to check on your head but you just softly squeeze his hands to reassure him before you push them away.
Still not looking at him as you finally speak.
"It wasn't that bad. He hesitated. It could've been worse."
He doesn't like your answer.
If you had just been hit in the head and yet your nose is bleeding, that was a clear sign of a concussion. And the cut on your lip had to be from a fall. On asphalt or onto another material, it didn't matter to him since both are just as bad.
As he expresses that, you just tell him to drop it and then move away from him.
Before he can say more however, Hotch comes back into the room with his usually stern expression. A bit of worry lacing his tone, Spencer notes, as he orders you.
"Go home."
He's staring you down, but it seemed you had a lot more to say to that.
"Sir Hotchner, I would be of much more use in here. It is imperative that all available resources are focused on the retrieval of James Baker." He sighs because you're right, but that doesn't seem enough to satisfy you.
The boy-genius hates it when you use reason to get your way.
"Fine. Help Reid and the others with the evidence. We can narrow down his area of operation from there. They should be arriving soon."
You shake your head adamantly. "Sir, I can handle the interrogation--"
"No you can't!"
Spencer surprises himself with his outburst, but you don't even turn to look at him.
It's Hotch that gives him a very pointed stare though before continuing,
"Reid is right, agent. We'll handle the interrogation, so please busy yourself here." He says it with a finality that is indicative of his departure but you stop him one last time. Hand going up to rest on your mentor's collar.
He sees you gesture to your own, and Spencer hears an intention in your voice that he can't quite understand.
"Let's not give him a weapon, sir. He's pretty strong."
He sees his boss nod, and he takes off his tie. Putting the cloth into your awaiting hand, and you grip it out of instinct.
Reid zones out as he sees this interaction in disbelief. Did you normally touch the others like this?
You had completely brushed off his concern, not even looking at him. And yet when it was your unit chief that told you to do so, you had simply followed?
He thought he was starting to become an exception to you, but had he been reading the signs wrong? It could very much be a possibility as he was never good at doing so.
Even later when he had been sifting through the bags from the suspect's van, you still didn't respond to him. Even going as far as to ignoring Penelope's offer to watch the tapes they had found in Perotta's van. Shaking your head, 'no' with a faraway look in your eyes.
Just what had exactly happened while he wasn't by your side?
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At this point, Spencer’s convinced that you would never like him.
If not for you having eyes on literally anyone else but him, then definitely because he had disappointed you. Desecrated the honor that came with being an FBI agent.
Just because he had been distracted.
A whirlwind of emotions had been flurrying inside him since the very beginning of this case, but he swears that he had never meant for this.
He doesn't even remember how it happened. Which baffled him, given his memory. But he thinks it's because he couldn't have cared less about the past few hours.
He had been stuck babysitting Lila only because you had told him so. Entrusted him with her because you thought that he was the best person to guard her, to comfort her.
He didn’t know it was because you had a feeling he’d be safer by her side.
And some part of him was flattered that you had said all this about him. Especially when all Lila would hear from him were endless praises of your name, of your work, and your caring nature.
But another part of him felt ignored. Pushed aside.
He doesn't know when it had happened, but Hotch had stopped pairing you together some cases ago. Saying something about you needing physical training, though he sincerely doubted that.
He thought that things were going well between you two. He had just been trying to find the perfect window where you would see him in a good enough light.
A good enough light that would make you say 'yes' to going on a date with him.
He didn't even care that the pretty blonde was interested in him. He only agreed because you stressed her safety more than any other target thus far. But the attention that she was giving him?
That was all that he wanted from you.
All he'd been wanting for months.
And when he had kissed her, all he could think about was you. How it would've felt if it was you in his arms, how you would react if it had been you that he was touching.
But then immediately after, how you would react to him kissing another girl.
God, he was pathetic.
He knew that you had been having a hard time lately. And he also knew that it had a lot to do with your work, how he did his, and his safety. That was all you ever stressed about when you were with him.
If he was safe.
You'd think he'd learn that by now, but he hasn't. Which is why even when he knew all this, his heart still ached as he sees you cry into Morgan's arms. Sobbing like no tomorrow. All because of something he did.
All because he took all your hard work, that had been focused on keeping him alive, and essentially throwing it right back at your face.
His negligence did that.
And he supposes that now, he can't do anything to get into your good graces anymore. Not when Derek Morgan seemed to better at doing his job as a federal agent, and his job as your friend.
When he finally gets changed into dry clothes and enters Lila's house, he doesn't miss the way that you turn from him. He also doesn't miss the glare the other agent was giving him. Nor the careful hand that had been rubbing up and down your arm.
Something that he wished he could've been doing instead.
––––––––––
God, he wanted to be anywhere but here, considering this is where it all went downhill.
"Did you give Lila Archer a collage?" Gideon had started the interrogation, so even if he did want to leave, he couldn't.
"What?"
"There's a photographic collage above Lila Archer's sofa. She says you gave it to her."
But the faster that they could get this done, the faster he could apologize to you.
"So? I didn't make the damn thing." Parker had laughed out, clearly not comprehending the severity of the situation.
"So you just happened to give her a work of art containing most of her life in it?" Spencer pushed but was surprised to see his ex-classmate seemingly have no recollection of the situation at all.
Something was wrong.
If it wasn't him, then who––?
"I––no, no. Look, I lied. I just wanted her to like me. I met her here, and she was a fan of art. Someone gave me the piece to give to her, but I told her it was from me."
It can't be––
"I said I found it, and I thought she'd love it."
"And who gave it to you?" Morgan had finally asked.
"Her name's Maggie Lowe. She uh––She works on Lila's show."
When Spencer hears this, he immediately goes to call you on his phone. Maggie Lowe had gone to Juilliard with Lila and was the production assistant that he swore he saw go in and out of her trailer.
If he wasn't so distracted, he would've fucking noticed that.
But his phone doesn't even ring for a few moments before the call is declined.
What the fuck was happening?
Before he could ask anyone else, he heard Derek speak up.
“Sweet girl, listen to me. We have a name, and it’s ‘Maggie Lowe.’ We’re on our wa—" Spencer tries to talk to you through Morgan's phone, but is knocked off balance when the man turns around in shock.
"Christ man—we're on our way back over there, okay? Stay put and we’ll let Hotch and JJ know.” 
"Let me talk to her!" He practically begs, but before anyone could even understand what he was saying, the call is ended from your side.
"Reid, what the hell were you trying to do?"
He's shocked at his own actions too, but that's not what's on his mind right now.
"She dropped my call but she answered yours? And since when did you start calling her that?"
He knew it wasn't fair, especially after what he had done, but just when did you and him happen?
"Since you started being a dumbass. Get over yourself, kid."
Everyone then started making their way to the two SUV's parked outside, but Spencer took the one that Morgan was driving.
He wasn't done with this conversation.
He tries to call you again, but this time, it looks like the line is busy. What was going on, where were you? He tries Lila's phone, even though he's sure she won't pick up and nothing either.
He has half a mind to ask Morgan to call you, in case you were just being petty and ignoring him, but he feels his phone vibrate. He suddenly hears his phone ring, and he hurriedly answers without checking the caller ID.
Hoping that it would be you on the other hand as he called out your name.
"Nope, sorry hon, it's me." It was Garcia's voice, but it sounded like she was shaking. Sensing the urgency in her voice, he instinctively puts his phone on speaker.
"Reid, I need you to listen to me very carefully— I've already alerted officials in the area, but your unsub? Is in Lila Archer's house."
You can't keep doing this, he thinks. You can't keep scaring him like this, because he's starting to feel so sick.
He looks to his friend in the driver's seat and sees him nod when they make eye contact. Speeding up as they thank Penelope before she ended the call.
At this point, he could care less with how pathetic he might've looked. No longer caring about how uncool you thought he was, or whatever might've been going on between you and Morgan, or if you still had a crush on your boss— none of that.
They had left you behind with Lila and no one else.
Spencer had always feared that one day, no matter how strong or smart or clever you are, it's his negligence that'll place you on the receiving end of a killer's weapon. And that there's nothing that he can do to stop them from landing the finishing blow.
If the reason you were alone and held captive by some psychotic shooter was because he had pissed you off enough to even dismiss his help?
He might never forgive himself for it.
When they arrive, he immediately gets out of the car. Ready to run in and ambush Maggie by himself if he has to when Lila runs into his arms. Holding a gun in her hand as if it were a bomb.
A Glock 19 that he's seen you use since his first official cases on the team.
He notices Morgan, Elle, and Gideon were already out, but Hotch and JJ have still yet to arrive.
He knows that he should wait until further instructions. That there wasn't a protocol for this specific situation. Or maybe there was, but his IQ of 187 had always been slashed down to 60 whenever you were involved.
When he hears a gun fire from inside the house, he's the first one that starts running.
He's thankful that he wasn't alone when he did though.
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By the time that Maggie had been apprehended, you were already well on your way to the nearest hospital. According to the clock from inside your room, and the news report that had been playing, a full twelve hours at the very least had passed since then.
You tried to remember what had happened. Tried to remember how you screamed for help once you had subdued her. How she shot you when you tackled her.
Probably with the intention to kill you, then herself had you not talked her out of it.
You groan as you feel the blooming pain in your side. Probably from the GSW that you're going to have to note in your action report.
And then you remembered how you realized what you felt for Spencer and the rest of the team.
You shake your head despondently.
When you look back on every situation where you had essentially put yourself on the line for his sake, you notice that you had really been doing that out of your own volition.
That you had been doing it because you didn't want him getting hurt.
You just didn't like that the the team was turning it into some sort of responsibility.
And sure. Maybe the others were complicit in pairing you up, or guilty for giving you odd looks, but they probably wouldn't have done that if it wasn't something you were already going to do.
God, you felt so pathetic.
You don't think you can handle looking at Spencer now. Not after your existential crisis, and certainly not after what you said before he left.
But luck has a way, so it seems, to constantly elude you.
You note this as you see the very man that you had been thinking of slowly opening the door and perking up when he sees your eyes on him.
Well, as perked up as he could be. Given the circumstances.
"How uh—, How are you? A-Are you...okay?"
You take in how he looks when he asks. Dark rings encircling his eyes, (he had been up all night waiting for you), usually neat hair in a mess (he had been running his hands through them nonstop), and shirt all crumpled from being hunched over for so long (a different one, because he just couldn't stand the vague scent on chlorine in his old one.)
Your heart sinks at the sight and you beckon him closer with your strong hand. Echoing his question.
"Are you okay, Dr. Reid?"
He lets out a shaky breath when he finally hears your soft voice again, slowly approaching you as he does. He was so worried that the last words he would hear from you would be your disappointment, but he persists.
"Can you please answer the question? I don't like it when you pretend like you're okay when you're obviously not."
His hand finds its way to trace little patterns on the back of yours. Occasionally looking up at to see if he was hurting you, before continuing when he sees that he isn't. Feeling too shy to do anything more.
You roll your eyes at the gesture. Flipping his hand to rest on the hospital bed and slipping yours on top of his. Giving it a soft squeeze.
"I could be better." You then squeeze his hand again. "Is this what you were trying to do?"
He thinks for a while, as if not really understanding your question, before nodding vigorously.
You smile at the sight but then feel your regret from a few hours ago come rushing back.
"I'm really sorry. For...everything." You don't think he knows what you're apologizing for, but you do it anyway.
If not now, when?
Spencer laughs a little at that but shakes his head. "Morgan told me about what you said. Back at Lila's. Well, more like he told everyone while we were waiting for you to wake up."
You nod. Suddenly feeling guilty for trying to make contact so you try to let go, but he only entangles your fingers once more. Intertwining them as much as he can since this is the closest that he can afford to have you right now.
He feels his lips tightening into a thin smile before he says what's been haunting him for the past few hours.
"I'm sorry that you had to deal with me for so long. I never meant to burden you like that or make your job harder."
"No, Spencer please," you start, rubbing the only part of his hand that you could reach with your thumb.
"You were never a burden. I was just—caught up in a bunch of things."
He doesn't miss how your usual eloquence evades you. Which gives him a bit of an idea as to how unscripted and vulnerable you were being with him right now.
And as much as he should hate this for you, he'd love it if you would learn to be a bit more vulnerable in front of him. Even if it was a departure from your usually starched blazers, pressed blouses, and clean-cut exterior.
He still thought you were cool just like this.
"Have I ever told you that I thought you were really cool?" You weakly snort at that.
"If by 'cool,' you mean constantly worrying about how everything could go wrong, then yeah. I'm super cool."
He shakes his head at that, but it looked like you weren't done.
"I think you looked cooler, though. Especially when you were next to the pool trying to dry your gun. You looked like a wet rat."
He groans at the mention but you continue to tease him.
"Hey, you were a handsome wet rat. Still a rat, but... you know. From Vegas. Arguably not as bad as the ones from New York. Now though, you're a handsome dry rat."
Now that, he just wines at. You weren't being fair.
How could you make him go through all this and then say that?
Did you know what kind of effect you have on him?
The two of you continue to sling back jokes at the other, a common thing you used to do before things went south. And just enjoying each other's presence.
Holding his hand as you absentmindedly started massaging it. He didn't even notice how his hand had been shaking since the moment you first held onto it.
He was so so glad you were alive. That you were still here, with him. And there's no place he would rather be than where you were.
"So. How about you start telling me what you've been up to while I've been knocked out, hm? What have you learned, genius?"
He's learned a quite a lot, while you were away.
He learned that he should probably encourage you to have more breaks. Learned that you should both talk to each other, and everyone, a bit more. And he learned that you two weren't so different after all.
He's also learned how much he really liked your smile, your laugh, your soft touch, and the way that his name fell from your lips.
He doesn't tell you any of this, however.
Opting to instead tell you about the numerous facts he's picked up during the case, and how much he hated Hollywood.
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[a/n] And with that, this marks the end of this specific timeline! I've honestly loved writing with this reader's specific personality in mind, and I'm looking forward to how she'll mellow out when she learns to be more honest.
I have a few ideas for one shots regarding this specific dynamic, but if you enjoyed it as much as I did, please tell me what you thought about this short series! And if you have any idea on what you'd like to see next from these dumbasses, send an ask my way!
Thank you so much for liking them thus far.
Like my work? Consider tipping me!!
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ghsface · 3 months ago
Note
Not sure if you are taking request but can we get an angst with Matt where like reader and him are dating for years but recently comments have been getting to her or people have been following her home and eventually she decideds to break up with Matt but Matt takes things to in his hands where he’s tells ppl to stop and they get back together?(Lol sorry if it didn’t make sense but thank you)
𝜗𝜚 new messege .ᐟ.ᐟ
Hey gorgeous, I really liked this idea, I hope you like it too.
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You are the only thing I want - Matt Sturniolo
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Sumary: You and Matt had a secret relationship and when you decide to make it public everything goes wrong...
Warnings: angst hate messages towards reader, this is just angst with a happy ending
A/n: Leave me ideas to write in my inbox because I'm running out of ideas. I'm sorry if something is misspelled or not understood. My first language is not English. By the way, what do you think of my new theme, in my opinion, it's very cute like the baby pink and light brown. 🩷🧸
⛧°。 ⋆༺ ✮ ༻⋆。 °⛧
It had been exactly fourteen months since the first time you and Matt kissed. You hadn't imagined then how important he would become in your life, nor that being with him would be so complicated. Because, although you adored each other and the bond between you grew every day, that relationship had to be kept secret. It was a mutual decision, made for practical reasons. At first, the thrill of secrecy made everything more exciting. But now, you both felt exhausted.
You had spent too many nights talking secretly in the car, dates arranged down to the last detail so as not to be seen, or moments of solitude where, instead of shouting to the world how much you loved each other, you had to hide it like a forbidden secret. The situation was starting to weigh on you.
That night, you were on the couch at Matt's house. He was holding you, and your head was resting on his shoulder while you felt his fingers playing with the strands of your hair.
"Aren't you tired of this?" he asked quietly, breaking the silence.
You raised your head and looked at him, searching his eyes for what he really wanted to say.
"What are you talking about?"
"About having to hide… about not being able to tell anyone how amazing you are." Matt smiled, but his eyes reflected a sadness that you shared.
"Of course I'm tired. Sometimes I wish we could be a normal couple".
"Then let's do it", he suggested, giving your hand a squeeze. "Let's make it public. I don't care what others say. I want to be with you, and I want everyone to know it."
The idea made you feel butterflies in your stomach. The love you had for Matt was bigger than any fear, and the fact that he was willing to share your relationship with his fans made you feel special. You decided to announce it on social media.
When Matt uploaded the first photo of the two of you together, you felt a mix of excitement and nervousness. The image showed an intimate moment, a selfie of the two smiling on the beach, with the sunset in the background. The caption was simple but powerful: “Over a year together, and we’re just getting started.”
For the first few hours, the response was overwhelmingly positive. There were comments from fans congratulating and supporting them: “They look beautiful together,” “Finally someone makes Matt happy as he deserves,” “What a great couple they make!”
But over time, other types of messages began to appear. “Her? Is he really with her?”, “She’s not enough for him,” “She’s only with him for fame, I’m sure she’ll use him to become famous,” “Poor Matt, he deserves someone better.”
At first, you tried not to take them seriously. But every time you checked your phone, more of those comments appeared. There were people criticizing your appearance: “She’s too basic for someone like him,” “She’s not even pretty, how dare she date Matt?”, “Matt deserves someone more attractive.”
The words cut you deeply. You knew you shouldn’t let those comments affect you, but you couldn’t stop the doubts from starting to poison your mind. Every time you looked in the mirror, you started to see those flaws that others mentioned. Insecurity began to invade you in a way you hadn’t experienced before.
Matt tried to comfort you whenever he noticed you looking down. Sometimes, during the night, he would catch you reading the comments on your phone, and he would simply take the phone away from you and hold you, whispering that he loved you and that was all that mattered.
“You don’t need to listen to those people, babe,” he said, looking at you with a sincere expression. “They don’t know anything about you, they don’t know how amazing you are.”
The comments didn’t stop, though. Every day they became crueler and crueler. Rumors began to circulate suggesting that you were only with Matt to gain followers, or that you were using his fame to make yourself known. People commented on every aspect of your life, from how you dressed to how you looked without makeup. There were those who said things like, “It’s obvious that she dresses like that to get attention, can’t she dress up better?” or “She should thank Matt for giving her a chance, she’s just an ordinary girl.”
At some point, comments were no longer the only thing. People started following you home, taking photos of you without your permission, and even trying to get close to you to ask you invasive questions. You felt watched and judged at every turn, and little by little, you started to believe that you weren't enough, that maybe all those people were right.
The pressure began to be unbearable. Your self-esteem plummeted, and every time you looked in the mirror, you saw someone who, according to the world, wasn’t enough. Matt tried to cheer you up, to remind you how much he loved you, but you couldn’t stand it anymore.
One night, after one of your most difficult conversations, you asked him to meet you. Matt came over to your house, and as soon as you saw him, he knew something was wrong. He stared at you in silence as you searched for the words to say to him.
“Matt… I can’t do this anymore,” you whispered, your voice shaking.
“What are you saying?” he asked, frowning, clearly worried.
“I can’t be in this relationship anymore. The pressure, the comments… they’re tearing me apart. I can’t take it anymore.
Matt looked at you, unable to process what you were saying. He was trying to understand, but the pain in your eyes made it clear to him that you were really hurt.
“But… I love you, and I don’t care what other people think. They don’t understand what we have.”
“I know, Matt. I know you love me, but I can’t go on like this. I’m losing myself in all of this.” It's getting harder and harder to get up and pretend everything is okay.
You took a deep breath, trying to hold back your tears. “Matt… I can’t keep going like this. I can’t handle the pressure, the comments, the people following me everywhere. I feel like I’m losing myself, and I don’t want to drag you into this. I think… I think it’s best that we break up.”
The goodbye was hard and heartbreaking for both of us. In the days that followed, Matt stayed away from social media, not mentioning anything about what had happened. He isolated himself, trying to understand how the love of his life had to walk away because of the cruelty of others.
Weeks went by as you tried to get over the situation, even though you felt empty. However, one afternoon, while you were checking your social media, you noticed a post from Matt that surprised you.
It was a photo of you and him that Nick had taken, and the message was clear and direct: “I don't give a shit what others say about my girlfriend. I'm with her because I love her, and that's never going to change.”
Matt's public statement was not only a message to his fans, but a promise that he was willing to stand up for what they had. Feeling a torrent of emotions, you decided to call him. When he answered, his voice trembled with emotion.
"I can't go on without you" he said quietly, while you tried to hold back your tears.
"Me neither, Matt… I love you."
That night, they met again, and between tears and hugs, they knew that this time there would be nothing and no one that could separate.
⛧°。 ⋆༺ ✮ ༻⋆。 °⛧
your reblogs and replies are always appreciated dearly, and feel free to leave a request ✮
⤷ Tags... @matthewsroses @sophand4n4 @strnilolover @lolastrniolo
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flippinpancakes64 · 7 months ago
Note
Could you write the Cullen's accidentally hurting their SO and how they would react?? (I alr know Jasper's is about to be so angsty lol)
The Cullens accidentally hurting their S/O
I've literally been rubbing my hands together like an evil villain waiting to do this request. I saw it in my inbox and had to hold myself back lol. And yes, I cannot resist the temptation to make Jasper suffer, so be prepared
Edit I got so carried away. If I had a word count on these it might be like 10k lol sorry not sorry
And thank you for this request! This was so much fun to write lol I hope you enjoy it!
Also quick note I might have channeled a bit too much inspiration from Saw or something cause I ended up getting a bit too into my descriptions of the injuries so
TW for graphic depictions of violence
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Edward:
You really wanted to go to this concert
Edward knew that, so as a birthday gift he bought you two tickets
One for you and one for him of course
He drove you to the stadium, studying the songs he was going to be hearing later that night
He bought everything that you looked at
You basically had your own merch table
The night was going great
You both found your seats, you were happily eating some overpriced stadium food, and the show was about to start
When a guy stood directly in front of you
The bad part about floor seats is that there aren't seats
The guy was easily 6'6, towering above you even if you are taller
Reading your thoughts, Edward tapped the guy on the shoulder, asking him if he would kindly move or crouch or something
He just looked, rolled his eyes, and stared forward again
"Dude, my partner can't see the show. Please just move a little"
"Don't care. Not my problem."
Edward's getting pissed, and the guy can tell
"What, you wanna fucking fight? Square up rich boy."
"No I don't want to fight I just want you to move a little"
"Okay, then maybe your partner here will fight instead"
And the next thing you know, you see the guy's huge fist heading straight for your head
Before it can land, Edward's hand pushes on your chest, sending you back into the people behind you and ending with you flat on the ground
Your back aches from the impact, your neck torqued from where your head whipped, and your cheek stinging from landing on the side of your face
You feel Edward's chill hands on the sides of your face, and faintly you hear him ask something frantically
You groan in pain as you feel him pick you up, and finally succumb to sleep
You wake up in Carlisle's clinic, staring at the white ceiling
A cold hand is wrapped around yours, and when you turn your head, you're greeted with bright gold eyes
No words are exchanged for a moment before you clear your throat
"So... did you at least rock that guy's shit?"
He laughs and kisses you
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Alice:
Alice was having a terrible week
She had been getting vision after vision, and none of them were true
Everything from a huge motor accident to what color shoes someone at school was going to wear
It was constant
She was running in circles, going somewhere, seeing a vision, turning around to go somewhere else, seeing a vision, turning again, and on and on
She was currently driving
Or more like swerving
All you needed were some damn glue sticks for a project you needed to do
But every time Alice decided on a new destination, a vision of a horrible catastrophe would enter her mind, and she would change her course
You had enough
"Alice! Enough of this! Just pull over and let me drive!"
"No! I need to know the safest route... ugh! Everywhere is dangerous!"
"Name one vision you've had in the past week that actually came true."
"Well I don't know if they would have come true or not because I didn't go to those places. And look! We are perfectly fine! Everyone is fine!"
"But I don't have all night, Alice! Just choose a fucking store and go there!"
"Fine."
And so she did. She chose the small supermarket right outside of town
She looked nervous as soon as she placed the car in park
But you ignored it and walked in
You walked through the aisles, looking for the one thing you came here for, when you hear Alice gasp behind you
In her mind, she sees you tripping and falling into a display of DVDs, cutting your arm on one of the metal frames holding them in place
And straight in your path is the DVD case
So naturally she tries to grab you
Only she doesn't grab you, she accidentally pushes
You don't fall in her vision, just like how you didn't fall in real life
She was the one who hurt you, pushed you
That was the problem
The reason why there was a horrible disaster everywhere she tried to go was because she was going to cause something one way or another
Only this is worse, because now it involves you
The DVDs scatter, and she hears your cry of pain as the sharp, crooked metal frame pierces the skin of your arm
She is by your side in a moment, scooping you up and not even bothering with the mess you both left behind
On the way home, you are trying to convince her that it's not that bad, but she is beside herself
After Carlisle's inspection, you get a couple of stitches in your right bicep, but other than that you're perfectly fine
And Alice doesn't leave your side
She is constantly fussing
Asking if you're okay, if you need anything, if you're mad at her, if you want to leave her, if you blame her
But after you go to sleep and she watches over your peaceful form, she convinces herself that you're alright
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Jasper:
It was spring break and the Cullens decided to go to one of Carlisle's many tropical properties
It was the third day of the trip, everybody went to do their own things
Alice, Esme, and Rosalie went into town to go souvenir shopping
They dragged Emmett along to be their personal bag carrier
Edward and Bella were down at the private beach that came with the property, enjoying the sun and relaxing
That left you, Jasper, and Carlisle
The three of you were at the attached pool on the house
Carlisle was marinating in the hot tub, sunglasses on and a book in his hands
You and Jasper were in the pool doing anything and everything
Diving, jumping, swimming, racing (he always won), and messing with the pool toys
You had just climbed up the stairs to get out of the pool again, intending on showing Jasper your graceful canonball
But he noticed you were walking a bit too fast
He saw you trip, and like slow motion he sprang out of the water to save you
Only he didn't
His arms wrapped around your middle, saving you from a possible twisted ankle or scraped knee or bruised butt
But that didn't stop the back of your head from smacking onto the concrete
White hot pain erupted behind your eyes and knocked you out instantly
Your blood began to seep onto the wet floor beneath you, and he couldn't help himself
Carlisle heard everything and got up immediately
But he didn't get there in time to stop Jasper from wrapping his mouth around your throat and biting down
In a flash Carlisle threw Jasper up and off of you, rocketing him into the water, and scooped you up to run inside
You awoke some hours later, a throbbing in your head and a dull pain in your neck
The beep of a heart monitor was all you heard
Looking around, you were in the room you shared with Jasper, where just the night before you wrapped around his cold body and drifted to sleep
Only he was nowhere to be seen
Carlisle came to check on you, and he told you what happened
"Where is he? Where's Jasper?"
"... He... left."
"What do you mean he left?"
"He almost killed you. He would have killed you if I wasn't there. He feels terrible- no. Terrible isn't strong enough of a word."
It takes Emmett and Edward tracking him down and dragging him home for you to see him again
And even then he insists on Edward and Emmett holding his arms in case he were to try anything
He looks so broken
Muted red eyes, golden blonde hair shooting in every direction, the same swim trunks he had been wearing that day were covered in dirt and blood- presumably yours
And his face
He looked on the verge of tears, he would have been crying if he could
If the dry heaves coming from deep in his chest were any indication
He flinches when you take his face in your hands, trying to get away, not wanting to hurt you more
But when he kisses you, he remembers why he tries so hard to be good in the first place
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Rosalie:
You had been asking Rosalie for WEEKS if she would pleeeeeeease take you hunting with her
And she had been turning you down for weeks
It's a very gross, animalistic process that she, quite frankly, doesn't want you to see
But she loves you
And she is only so strong
So after so many begs, pleads, and puppy dog eyes, she caves
She decides to make it a cute little weekend trip
Taking you to one of Carlisle's properties farther north into the snowy mountain region
You settle in to the spacious cabin and Rosalie makes sure you're all bundled up in luxurious furs and warm scarves before you both venture into the wilderness
She explains what she's doing step-by-step while she sniffs the air, searching for her prey
A wolf because she's part of the "Fuck Jacob" team
She sits you in a clearing and tells you to stay in place while she finds her wolf
You do, finding a snowy log and brushing it off to sit on
She ventures into the forest, eventually finding a suitable wolf and beginning her hunt
Chasing the wolf, being chased by the wolf, until she eventually leads it to your clearing
She knows you'll love the theatrics of seeing her kill it in live action
She chases the beast all the way until it's about to clear the tree line before she pounces
She can imagine herself from your point of view
Bright, shiny skin, flowing hair, posed in midair, and finally coming down gracefully upon her prize
Except she doesn't
The wolf takes a quick turn at the last moment, sending her flying straight into you
There's not much she can do while suspended in flight, and it happens too fast for you to recognize
In an instant her whole body slams into you at full force, knocking both of you onto the powdery ground below
The grunt of pain you let out is excruciating
She rolls off of you quickly, holding onto you, asking if you're okay, if you're hurt
You try to put on a brave face, but when you move your left arm in an attempt to prop yourself up, you find you can't move it
Broken. Completely snapped. And you scream
She paces in Carlisle's home clinic while he puts your cast on, worried out of her mind
But when Carlisle opens the door and she sees you sitting on the table with a goofy grin and a bright red cast, she can't help but relax
"You said red was your favorite color, right?"
And she just kisses you
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Emmett:
You'd been dating Emmett for a while now, and had decided it was time for him to meet your family
And what better time and place for a first meeting than your nephew's fourth birthday party?
It was the middle of August, and the sun was hot
The icing was melting off of the cake as it sat on the food table
All of the adults were drinking margaritas and the kids had decided to play with the water balloons to cool off
Your uncle and Emmett were filling up the balloons as all of the kids at the party talked excitedly
You laughed as your nephew came up to you and asked you to be on his team for the fight
Of course you couldn't say no
And of course, to even the playing field, the other team got to have your human tank of a boyfriend
Very even
Emmett just smirked at you as your uncle assumed his place as the referee and commenced the battle
Pink, blue, green, yellow, and red balloons were flying like crazy
Small party hats were knocked off of even smaller heads
The giggles of 20 little kids rang loud in the air as water spurted all over the grassy lawn
And you took your chance to pelt your boyfriend as hard as you could
His light blue shirt was soaked, and his khaki shorts had a huge wet spot on the front
You were doubled over in laughter at the sight of your scary boyfriend covered in little pieces of rubber, with one particularly large piece hanging off of his ear
But he hadn't thrown any at you yet
"Come on, big guy! Don't be a wussy!"
"Oh you asked for it now!"
You saw him grab a little pink water balloon, it looking even smaller in his hand, and he threw it straight at your head
You briefly wonder if he filled his balloon with cement
The next thing you know you're laying in bed, an ice pack perched on your forehead
"Oh my god, you're awake. I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't mean to, you know how I get out of control sometimes. Not that that's an excuse! I'm just trying to explain-"
You cut him off with a finger to his lips
"Shush... .'m tired"
And so he just lets you sleep the rest of the night, his hand in yours the whole time
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Esme:
Frankly, she doesn't know why you asked for her help
The Cullens had just moved into their newest house, and everything was set for the "kids" to join the local highschool the next day
You wanted a new look
"New place, new people, new me" you had said
She understood that much
But when you approached her one night with a box of hair bleach and a pleading look on your face, she was lost
Why her? Why not Alice or Rosalie? Or- and hear me out- a professional? They had the money
But you wanted to do it yourself. But not actually yourself For some reason you wanted Esme to do it
And even though she didn't understand, she still agreed
So that's how she found herself closely studying the instructions on the back of the little box telling her what to mix and where
"What's taking so long?"
"Hold on... ugh! This thing doesn't make any sense!"
"It's okay I'm sure it's super simple. I mean they give you all of the stuff. Just mix it all together and slap it on my head!"
Bad idea
She mixes everything together just like you asked, and plops a big lump of it onto the crown of your head
Instantly your hair starts smoking
You scream, asking her to take it off
And she tries, but it's not working
Carlisle to the rescue once more
She is so apologetic
She feels so bad that she hurt you so much
And at least you did get that new look you wanted
Shaved-to-the-skin bald
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Carlisle:
He was feeling a bit cooped up
He loves his family, and he loves his life in the Americas, but sometimes he misses traveling and his old friends
So he decided to take you with him to Europe to see some old pals
Not the Volturi obviously
But some other acquaintances he hadn't seen for a while
You were a month into the three-month trip Carlisle had planned
You'd visited Italy, Greece, Spain, France, Britain, and were on your way to Germany
This next friend you were on your way to visit was a man named Friedrich Hans
Carlisle spoke passively about him, nothing positive or negative
He was one of the ones he hadn't been able to contact beforehand about visiting
He wasn't even sure if Friedrich was still alive, or if he even lived in Germany
He wasn't betting on either, but he still figured he would try a visit
The taxi pulled up in front of an unassuming house on a busy street in Berlin, painted a light grey with black paneling around the windows and doors
Carlisle opened your door for you, extending a hand to help you out
He walked with you to the door, rapping his knuckles against the solid wood
Instantly it creaked open and a voice inside whispered "Perfect" before a pale, veiny hand reached out and grabbed your arm
You yelled for it to let you go, begging Carlisle for some help
He grabbed you around the waist with one arm, using the other to try to pry the man's hand from your wrist
The opposing forces splintered on your bones and a sickening crack ran through your arm
Your hand fell limp and Carlisle was finally able to pry you away from the force in the house
"Ah... Carlisle... old friend"
"Old friend? You just tried to kill my S/O!"
"S/O... you always were a weird one Mr. Cullen... sincerest apologies... come in for chat?"
"No thank you, I believe we will be taking our leave now."
And with that he rushed you to the nearest hospital
He didn't have his medical equipment, so he just pretended to not know German so they wouldn't ask questions about how you broke your wrist
He cuts the trip short then and there
He sends letters to all of his friends that he wasn't able to visit, explaining that something urgent came up
He is so apologetic for the weeks afterward
He is convinced it was his fault even though it wasn't
He doesn't relax until your cast is off btw
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Vampire! Bella:
Since she's so new to the vampire life, she doesn't know her own limits yet
She has hurt you a lot in the past
All accidents of course
Hugging you too hard, punching you playfully on the shoulder, telling you to catch something and literally lobbing it as hard as she can
She always feels terrible afterwards
But the worst was the time you took her bowling
It was 10 am on a Tuesday and there was no one at the bowling alley
Not even the competitive grandmas and grandpas in their bowling leagues
The only other person in the building was the bored looking cashier who wasn't even trying to hide that he was on his phone behind the counter
You both took your time to pick your balls, trying out all of the ones on the rack to see your best fits
You laced up your ugly shoes, input your names on the scoreboard screen and off you went
It was fun for the first couple of turns
Until the ball return does that stupid thing where it doesn't actually return your ball
It's your turn, and you're standing at the ball return tapping your foot restlessly waiting for it to show up
"You know, you can just use mine"
Bella stands up and grabs the ball she chose
The resin was a beautiful mix of black, purple, and pink with some reflective glitter sprinkled throughout
It's so gorgeous that you don't even check the weight
You hold out your hands to take it and it just drops straight through
And directly onto your foot
You let out a loud scream and try to move, but the ball won't roll off of your foot
Bella starts panicking, asking what she should do, scrambling around until eventually she picks up the ball and throws it onto the ground behind her
Maybe she forgot that the cashier was there, or maybe she didn't care, but she picked you up and started sprinting at full speed back to the Cullen house
She even left the car at the alley smh
On the verge of inconsolable
She is so frustrated that she can't learn to control herself
Doesn't leave your side tho
Note: Just for shits and gigs I timed how long this took me
Started at 12:01 am
Jasper done at 12:21 am
Edward done at 12:40 am
Alice done at 12:56 am
Rosalie done at 1:19 am
Emmett done at 1:33 am
Esme done at 1:44 am
Carlisle done at 2:03 am
Bella done at 2:16 am
Total time 2 hrs 15 mins
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722 notes · View notes
quintinh43 · 11 months ago
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Heavy Heads and Heavy Hearts | Quinn Hughes
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Summary: Quinn gets injured as a game. His girlfriend takes him and cares for him.
Pairings: Quinn Hughes x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Anxiety, Head injury, food, angst, mentions of vomiting (no actual vomiting)
Notes: Hi guyss! Hope everyone is doing ok! Injured Quinn got the most votes, so here we are! This one is the longest one ive done so far, I definitely did not mean for it to be as long as it is but here we are. Also, im not a professionl in any way, so i cant say this is concussion accurate. I just went off of my experience in dealing with athletes that have Concussions, and my own Concussions lol. Anywaysss I hope yall enjoy. Love Soph.
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There was something so gut-wrenching about watching the man you love get injured. One second, Quinn was cutting quickly around the back of the net, and the next, he was getting slammed into the boards hard. It was nothing. You get hit, you get up, and you keep going. It was simply a part of hockey.
Except this time, Quinn wasn't getting up. He wasn't moving at all. You stand up, heart in your throat. The room feels like it's tilting. The sharp shrill of the refs whistle cut through the air, stopping the play as the refs skate over to where Quinn is lying motionless on the ice.
They are calling for medics. Your head is spinning with the worst possible scenarios as you excuse yourself from your seat and practically sprint to the locker room. One of the security members holds out a hand to stop you.
"Ma'am, you can't be here, please exit this area"
Great. Just fucking great. This is exactly what you need right now. The overwhelming need that aches in your bones demanding to know that Quinn is ok makes you want to cry. Because now this fucker won't let you through. And you're nearly too panicked to do anything about it.
The logical route would be pulling out Quinns wallet, that has his ID in it, and explaining that you are his girlfriend. But with your anxiety high, and your heart in your throat logic is not the first thing on your mind.
"Listen buddy," you start, ready to absolutely rip this guy a new one. Thankfully for him, one of the trainers who knows you happens to be exiting the locker room.
"Let her through, Jace, that's Hughes' girl" he says, waving you forward. The security guard- Jace apparently, lets you pass with a grumble.
By the time you get rink side, Quinn is (half) conscious- thank God, and being half carried off the ice by Petey and Boeser. He's transfered to the care of two medics, who sit him on a bench and begin to check him over.
One of them is asking him questions gently, both to keep him awake and assess the damage to his head. While the other stabilizes his neck. "Can you tell me your full name and today's date?" One of the medics asks.
"Quintin Jerome Hughes," he slurs, eyes fluttering, "its Feb'uary... twenty-second, twenty-twenty-four"
Your breath hitches. He got the date wrong. You can't help the panic that rushes through you. "Good job Quinn, do you know where you are?"
"Van, Roger's arena," he mumbles, "playing hockey"
"Good," the medic hums. "we need to take off your equipment to make sure you aren't injured anywhere else. Is that ok?"
"Y/n" he mumbles, eyes closing and head tilting forward, his head snapped back up a moment later, and if the other medic hadn't had his head stabilized he would probably have mild whiplash.
"Stay awake for us, Quinn. Is Y/n someone you'd like us to call?"
You spring forward at the mention of your name, "I'm here," you say, pushing past a couple of people who are standing around, ready to assist if the situation gets worse.
"My girl" Quinn slurs, his lips tilting into a small smile. Your heart flutters at that. In the midst of his delirium, he still cares about you dearly.
"Hello Y/n, I'm Sam," the guy who's been asking him questions, "and that's Kieran," he says, nudging his head towards Kieran, who gives a small smile.
"Do you think you could help us remove his equipment?"
"Yes absolutely, just tell me what to do" you say, glad that you can help.
"Can you remove his jersey and shoulder pads? Kieran needs to keep his neck stable, and I need to check for any other possible injuries. And keep him talking"
"Yeah, of course," you start by bending his elbow to slide it out of the sleeve of his jersey.
"Hey Quinny" you say softly, sliding his other arm out of his jersey "you played really really good today, I'm so proud of you"
"Thanks baby," he murmers, "glad you're here." He tries to lean his head against your chest, he huffs when Kieran doesn't let him, and you can't help but let out a breathy laugh, patting his head lovingly.
Kieran tilts his head to one side, allowing you to pull the jersey over his head. You deposit it in his cubby behind him and make quick work undoing his shoulder pads and pulling them off gently.
"I'm glad I'm here too. What do you wanna eat when we get home?"
Sam gently asks you to move out of the way so he can check Quinns upper body for injuries. The second you aren't doing something, the anxiety rises back to your chest. You take a deep breath and begin to unlace his skates. You pull them off, slipping a pair of slides on his feet so his socks don't get wet.
"Hmm" he hums in thought "potatos...?"
You laugh, "Alright Quinny. We'll have potatos"
Finally after palpating his whole body to make sure he doesn't have any other major injuries, testing his reflexes, and asking him a bunch more questions. They diagnose him with a minor concussion, and give you a list of things to look out for.
They deem it safe enough to leave you alone with him for a little bit and tell you to change him into something more comfortable. It takes a bit of work to take off his hockey pants and shinguards and get him into a pair of sweats and a hoodie.
By the time you're done, the equipment manager and the medics have collected the rest of his equipment. After making sure his hockey bag is fully packed with everything, you grab his keys from your purse, while the EM helps you bring his bag to his car, and the medic helps you half carry him down.
He can mostly walk on his own, but better safe than sorry. On the ride home he keeps his head resting against the window, a cool compress is wrapped around his neck, and he's holding one over his eyes with one hand, while the other holds yours tightly.
You trace your thumb over the backs of his knuckles soothingly and keep him talking the whole way home. "What kind of potatoes do you want when we get home, Hon?"
"Can I change my mind?" He asks sheepishly. He's still talking very quietly and slurring his words a little, but the medics said that was nothing to worry about unless he started getting worse. So far, it was nothing to worry about.
"Of course my love, anything you want" you bring your intertwined hands to rest on your chest. It's a comforting weight over your heart, that you didn't know you needed until it was there.
Your phone lights up from the cup holder, it's a text from Petey, saying that the Canucks won the game. There are a few other texts, from his parents and brothers. You make a mental note to reply to them as soon as you get Quinn settled at home.
"Can we have noodles?" He mumbles.
"Yes, of course, love." You can't help but kiss the back of his knuckles. Watching Quinn get injured to the point of losing consciousness was not something you ever wanted to experience ever again.
"Your boys won, by the way," you say softly.
"The did?!" Quinns head shoots up front the window, and he is filled with instant regret as a sharp twinge shoots down his neck and to his shoulder.
"Ow fuck" he mumbles, laying his head back against the cool window.
"Careful love," you gasp, squeezing his hand.
"I know, I'm sorry," he mumbles, squeezing your hand back. You sigh, you have been on edge since he got injured, and it didn't look like the anxiety would dissipate for a while. You would just have to deal with it and try not to be an over bearing worry wart.
"You guys won 5-2" you smile, finally pulling into your apartment parking lot.
"I didn't do much except get my brains knocked around" he grumbles. "Some captain I am"
You scoff, flicking him in the nose lightly. "Don't sell yourself short, Quinny. Three of those points are yours."
Quinn wrinkles his nose and leans forward to bite your finger. You yelp, snatching it away with a glare. He sticks his tongue out at you, and you laugh, your chest feeling a little lighter than before.
"Come on, let's get you upstairs. " You say, undoing your seat belt and getting out of the car. You run around to his passenger side and open the door for him, and help him step out of the car. He throws an arm over your shoulder, and you wrap one around his waist. He's not as wobbly on his feet as he was earlier, but he still isn't at full strength.
Quinn squeezes his eyes shut and tucks his face against your hair. The florescent elevator lights were not pleasant in his state. "Can we keep the apartment lights off?" He mumbles against your hair.
"Sure love," you said rubbing your hand up and down his back soothingly, "we're almost home," you fish the keys out of your purse and unlock it. You toe your shoes off at the door while Quinn slips his off easily and you guide him to the couch.
"What do you want first, baby? Food or a shower?"
"I'm not really hungry" Quinn mumbles, laying on the couch and adjusting the ice pack under his neck. You sit on the couch handle, stroking his hair back from his forehead. "I know honey, but we should try to get something light in your system, if you're feeling upto it."
Quinn sighs. He knows you're right. "I can make you toast? Or a sandwich or something?" You offer, smoothing your thumb over his hairline.
"Do we have bagles?" He asks
"Yeah, we have bagles, I'll make you one of those?"
"Yes please," he mumbles, you plant a kiss on his forehead and go pop a bagle into the toaster, "can you do it with cream cheese and jam?" He asks, chewing on his lip nervously.
"Sure, Hon, I'm gonna make myself some tea. Do you want a cup?" You ask as you pull the cream cheese and jam out of the fridge.
"No thanks, I'm ok" he mumbles. After his bagle is done being made, you help ease him into sitting position, and sit next to him with your cup of tea. He eats a bit more than half the bagle, and you finish off the rest before deeming it time to shower.
You remember all the messages from his family, and quickly shoot them texts, saying that he's ok and you just got home and you'll talk more when he gets settled.
"I'm gonna put these back in the freezer while we shower, yeah?"
Quinn nods, handing the ice packs to you to put in the freezer. You help him up slowly and lead him to the bathroom. You keep the lights off and leave the door open so you have a little bit of light from the bedroom.
While the shower warms up, you grab a clean change  of clothes for both you and Quinn and set them on the counter before helping Quinn strip. He has to brace an arm against the wall while you hold him steady with one hand and maneuver his clothes off with the other.
"I'm sorry," he murmers against your hair as you help him step into the shower.
"Oh Quinn, there's nothing to be sorry for," you say, sitting him on the shower seat.
"I'm sorry you have to take care of me like this." He huffs, resting his head against the cool Ike of the shower wall, "I feel so pathetic, " his voice cracks, and your heart nearly breaks.
"Quinn, my love, taking care of you is not a burden. It's a pleasure. I love you to the ends of the earth, and I would do anything for you, my sweets. " You kiss him on the forehead sweetly as if to prove your point.
He doesn't say much about it after that, but you can tell he still feels bad. You make quick work of washing his hair, being very careful of where a small bump has formed on his head. You scrub him down and rinse him off before shutting off the water.
You wrap a towel around yourself and then dry Quinn off gently before helping him change into his pajamas. "Let me change and then dry your hair a little bit before we have to put an ice pack on your head, ok?"
Quinn nods. He sits on the counter, leaning against the wall while you change into your pajamas. You plug in the hair dryer and dry his hair, keeping his head steady with one hand. As soon as his hair is no longer soaking wet, you help him off the bathroom counter and into bed. You grab the ice packs from the freezer and help him position them on his head and neck until he's comfortable.
"I'll be back in less than ten minutes, baby. I'm just going to grab your stuff from the car, ok?" You say pulling on a pair of sweats and a hoodie over your pajamas.
"Ok" Quinn mumbles, "I'll call if anything" he says patting his nightstand to make sure his phone is there.
You kiss him on the forehead and pull the bedroom door halfway closed so the light from the hall isn't too bright. Grabbing his car keys and your phone from the counter, you hit the call button on Ellen's contact as you slip out the door.
She picks up on the first ring "Hows he doing?" She asks immediately. She sounds distressed, maybe like she's been crying. You don't blame her. They probably haven't heard anything unless someone on the team contacted them, and you have no idea how bad it looked on TV.
"He's ok, Mrs. H, it's a mild concussion. His symptoms aren't worsening at all, and they said with some rest he'll be significantly better by tomorrow"
Her sigh of relief was unmatched. "He'll be out of play for a couple of weeks, but they just want to make sure he's back to 100% before he's playing again." The elevator finally opens, and you hit the button for the parking garage.
"Thank you so much, Y/n, im glad you're there with him. I know he's in good hands. I'll leave you be love, Jack and luke are super super anxious and would appreciate a call from you. Text me if anything happens."
"I will, Mrs. H, tell Mr. H I say hi"
"I will dear, thanks for taking care of our boy"
"Of course El, he's my boy too," you smile.
You swear you can hear Ellen smile over the phone. "We love you dear, I'll talk to you tomorrow ok. Don't forget to take care of yourself too"
"I will, I love you guys too. I'll text you updates"
"Alright, bye dear."
"Bye," you sigh, pressing the end call button, just as the elevator opens to the parking garage. As you press the button to open the trunk, you call Jack.
"Y/n,"  he huffs out, not even after a full ring. "How's Quinn? If he ok? What happened?"  Before you can answer any of Jacks questions, Luke's voice cuts him off, "is Quinn ok? Are you guys at the hospital? It looked really bad -"
Before their panicked tangents can get worse, you interrupt them both. "Take a breath, you two," you say calmly, breathing exaggeratedly so they can copy you "in and out, relax. Quinn is ok. He's ok"
"He's ok?"
"He's ok" you repeat. You feel the tears start to build, and your voice cracks "He's ok"
"Oh Y/n." Jack says softly.
"It's ok, I'm ok" you say, more to yourself than to Jack as you wipe the tears away. "Hold on, gimme one sec." You say, setting down your phone as you pull Quinn's hockey bag out the car. You close the trunk, make sure the car is locked and head back to the elevator.
"Hi, sorry I'm back. I was just grabbing Quinn's stuff out the car."
"Can you tell us what happened?"  Luke asks softly.
"He's got a concussion, and he's a bit bruised up, but other than that he's alright"
"Fuck, how bad is it?" Jack asks, the fear is evident in his voice, and you can't blame him. Concussions can be really bad sometimes.
"They said its a mild concussion, he's not throwing up at all, his memory is ok, he didn't injure his spine or anything, he'll be ok after a few days of rest. He probably wont be playing for a few weeks, but better safe than sorry."
"Oh thank God"  both Jack and Luke huffed "isn't he not supposed to sleep for 24 hours after or something?" Luke asks.
You shake your head with a small smile "Thats a myth, Lukey. As long as I check on him every few hours its ok for him to sleep."
"Ohh, ok. Well that's good" Luke says.
"We are glad he has you Y/n, thank you for taking care of our brother."
"Always" you say softly.
"We'll let you go now, keep us updated?"
"I will, Jackie. You two get some rest, you have a big game tomorrow, love you guys"
"We love you too Y/n/n" both boys say, hanging up.
You sigh, leaving his bag at the door. "Y/n?" Quinns weak voice calls out from the bedroom. You rush to him immediately, scared that something is wrong.
"Yes, Quinny, I'm right here" you say kneeling beside the bed, and stroking his hair.
"You took long," he mumbles, pressing his lips against your wrist.
"I'm sorry love, I'm here now," you stand, stripping the hoodie and sweats off and climbing into bed next to him. You stay a little distance away, not wanting to hurt Quinn. But he grumbles at you, tugging on your shirt to get you to come closer. Normally, he would just grab you and pull you closer, but he's still weak.
"I don't wanna hurt you" you mumble, scooting closer so that you are tucked against his side. He tangles your legs together and rests his head against yours.
"Never" he says, pressing his lips to the side of your head. You rest one of your hands on his hip, under his shirt, stroking your thumb over his hip bone.
"How you feeling?" You ask softly.
"Beat" he mumbles "thanks for taking care of me"
"I'll take care of you for as long as you let me love" you say, pressing a gentle kiss to the underside of his jaw.
"Forever?"
"Forever."
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Wc: 3.1k
799 notes · View notes
boldchaoswhite · 10 days ago
Text
Ominis Gaunt HCs
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𝐇𝐞𝐲 𝐇𝐞𝐲! 𝐒𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐇𝐂𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐎𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬!
(Don't come for me if you don't agree with some of them, these are just how I think he would be like.) These aren't really categorized (Sorry, I tried to categorize them but some are in the wrong spots but i don't really care these came out over time and got posted here.) Sebastian's are here! Divider by: @cafekitsune Enjoy!
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In General:
Ominis loves the sound of your heartbeat. Sometimes, he’ll lay his head against your chest, letting the steady rhythm soothe him. 
The idea of him opting out of using his wand as an excuse to feel your touch is so cute to me! Sometimes he occasionally ‘forgets’ his wand somewhere and asks you to lead him, especially if it’s been a long day, and he just needs comfort.
He likes to squeeze your hand twice for yes and once for no if you’re hesitant on saying yes or no for something, because he likes to help guide you and stuff that you’re hesitant about if you are hesitant about stuff like that, it’s his way of helping you since you ‘help’ him. 
And sometimes. (Sometimes meaning like 5% lol) he will be the type to make little grabby hands but only when it’s around you two cause he really really wants to feel your hands or like feel somewhere on your body and it’s just so adorable that you can’t say no.
He knows exactly where his food is but loves pretending he’s helpless just to get you to guide his hand or feed him. Sometimes, he’ll dramatically sigh and say, “Oh no, I’ve completely missed my plate. I am in desperate need of help.” with a cheeky grin.
When you do help him, (yet, you will have a smile/annoyed look on your face) he’ll have the BIGGEST SMILE on his face and say something like, “Ah, my savior. How would I survive without you?” (Now THAT would make you blush and smile.) 
Sometimes, if he’s feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated, he’ll sit close to you and lean his head against your shoulder, staying completely silent but finding peace in your presence.
When he senses you’re upset, he will pull you into his lap, sit you between his legs, and he’ll cup your face in his hands; thumbs brushing gently over your cheeks.
“Talk to me,” his voice was low and earnest. If you can’t find the words, he’ll just hold you like that, forehead resting against yours, his silence speaking volumes.
Ominis has a way of saying your name that makes it sound like poetry. When he’s feeling extra affectionate, he’ll pull you close and murmur it softly, over and over, like it’s his favorite word in the world.
Ominis sometimes unconsciously seeks you out in his sleep. Whether it’s his hand resting on yours or his body curling around you, he always finds a way to stay connected. 
One night, you woke up to him softly mumbling your name, his hand searching for yours. When you laced your fingers together, he relaxed instantly, a small smile tugging at his lips even in his sleep.
He’ll ask you to describe things to him (not just the physical, but the emotional.) “What does the sunset look like today? How does it make you feel?” Your words paint vivid pictures for him, and he hangs onto every detail.
You’ll make a genuine effort to describe things for him, but sometimes you get too flustered and stumble over your words. “It’s, um… it’s like a sunset, but with… more gold? And, uh… less red?” He finds your attempts adorable and will encourage you with a smile: “I’m sure it’s beautiful. You’re doing great.”
Ominis has a habit of playing with your hands absentmindedly, rubbing circles into your palms or interlacing your fingers with his. “Your hands feel like home,” he confesses one day, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “They’re the one place I always want to be.”
Ominis has a memory like a vault when it comes to you. He remembers the smallest details—your favorite scent, the way you hum when you’re thinking, the way your hand feels in his. 
When you’re not around, Ominis lights up whenever someone mentions your name. He can’t help but gush about you, his voice soft and full of admiration. 
Ominis sometimes has moments of insecurity where he worries he’s holding you back. “You deserve someone who can give you everything,” he admits quietly, his grip on your hand tightening. When you reassure him, he pulls you into his arms, burying his face in your shoulder.
Ominis isn’t the type to make a big scene, but if someone so much as raises their voice at you, his usually calm demeanor turns ice cold. He’ll step closer to you, his brows furrowed, and his voice will lower to a dangerously/cold calm tone.
When he senses someone’s making you uncomfortable, his entire body shifts to protect you. He’ll place a hand on your arm, stepping slightly in front of you as if to block you from harm. His voice becomes firm, but his touch remains gentle.
If he ever has to step in to protect you, he worries you might be upset by his intensity.
If Sebastian ever teases you a little too harshly, Ominis won’t hesitate to cut him off with a sharp, “That’s enough, Sebastian.” He knows it’s all in good fun, but he doesn’t tolerate anyone—even his closest friend—making you uncomfortable.
If you’re hurt or in danger, Ominis doesn’t hold back his fear. He’ll frantically call your name, his wand shaking in his hand as he tries to find you. 
If his family ever disrespects or threatens you, Ominis is unrelenting. He’ll face them head-on, his tone sharp and unyielding. “You will not speak to them that way,” he’ll say, his usually soft voice full of steel. For you, he’s willing to risk everything, even the wrath of the Gaunt name
His protectiveness stems from the deep fear of losing you. He’s seen how cruel the world can be and is determined to shield you from it.
You’ll occasionally say things like, “Look at that!” or “Did you see what I just did?” before realizing and awkwardly backtracking. Ominis will just smirk and tease you: “Ah, yes, I saw it perfectly. The visuals were stunning.”
When you slip up and he teases you, you’ll pout and say, “I’m trying, okay? My brain moves faster than my mouth sometimes!” Ominis will gently take your hand, squeeze it, and say, “I know. And I love that you try.”
Despite your occasional slips, Ominis never gets upset because he knows you’re coming from a place of love and care.
You always try to include him in visual experiences, even if it means getting creative. During fireworks, you’ll press his hand against your chest so he can feel your heartbeat race as you describe the colors and shapes in vivid detail.
Whenever you get flustered about forgetting, he’ll teasingly say, “If you keep apologizing, I might start to think you enjoy feeling guilty.” His lightheartedness helps you laugh it off and move on.
Ominis loves that you don’t treat his blindness as a limitation. “You make me feel normal,” he’ll admit one day, his voice soft. “Like I’m not defined by what I can’t see.”
Ominis once told you, “I don’t care if you forget sometimes. It just means you’re focused on what’s important—us.”
You’re his biggest supporter, always encouraging him to step outside his comfort zone while never pushing too hard. “I know you can do this,” you’ll say softly, squeezing his hand. “And if you need me, I’ll be right here.”
Ominis sometimes worries that his blindness makes people overlook him, but you see him for who he truly is. You’ll whisper, “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met,” and he knows you’re not just talking about his looks—you see his heart and soul.
You know how deeply he feels, so you’re careful with his emotions. You never take his love for granted and always make an effort to show him how much he means to you, whether it’s through words, actions, or simply being there when he needs you.
Even though he knows he can’t see, he still turns his head toward your voice or where he senses you might be, almost as if willing himself to see you. It breaks your heart a little every time, so you make sure to let him know you’re there by gently touching his arm or hand.
When you speak, he often tilts his head slightly, as if leaning closer to the sound of your words. It’s a subtle habit, but one that makes you feel like he’s giving you his full attention, even when he’s surrounded by distractions.
Whenever he successfully locates you by sound or instinct, he gives a small, triumphant smile. “Found you,” he’ll say softly, as if it’s a little victory.
Sometimes when you see his face, he has a big smile on his face from finding you, and you always think it's adorable.
He’s attuned to the way you move—the sound of your footsteps, the swish of your robes, even the rhythm of your breathing. He uses these cues to orient himself toward you, and it makes him feel comforted to know exactly where you are.
He’s memorized the sound of your movements so well that he can sometimes predict what you’re doing. “You’re pacing again,” he’ll say with a small smile, even when you haven’t said a word.
The Feels!
There are moments when he sits quietly, his head turned slightly in your direction, and you can tell he’s imagining what you look like.
Sometimes he gets frustrated, not with you, but with himself for not being able to do things as easily as he’d like. On rare occasions, he’ll mutter, “I just wish I could look at you without having to ask where you are.” You’re quick to reassure him, holding his face gently and reminding him that he’s perfect just the way he is.
If he’s in a noisy or chaotic environment, he’ll instinctively reach for you. The sound of your voice and the touch of your hand become his anchor, calming him when everything else feels too much.
Sometimes, late at night, he’ll confess quietly, “I hate that I can’t see you. I want to know the color of your eyes when you’re happy or the way your face looks when you laugh.” He feels like he’s missing out on such an important part of loving you, and it eats at him more than he lets on.
Even though he’s fiercely independent, there are moments when his blindness frustrates him to the point of despair. He’ll sit in silence, gripping his wand tightly, feeling like a burden for needing help sometimes.
Ominis struggles with feeling like he deserves happiness. 
“Why would someone like you love someone like me?” he’s asked, his voice full of disbelief and sadness. No matter how much you reassure him, part of him always wonders if you’d be happier with someone else.
Growing up in the Gaunt family was isolating and terrifying. He rarely talks about it, but when he does, the pain is palpable. “I used to sit in my room for hours, hoping someone would come looking for me,” he admits. “No one ever did.”
(this one is a big SOMETIMES for me. It just came across in a dream I had a while ago…)While he appreciates your help, he despises being pitied. The thought of anyone, even you, seeing him as weak or incapable cuts him deeply. If he senses even a hint of pity in your tone, he’ll withdraw and put up a wall, retreating into himself.
He’s overheard whispers from other students calling him “the blind Gaunt” or making cruel jokes about his disability. He doesn’t let on that it bothers him, but you can tell by the tightness in his jaw and the way he holds his wand a little too tightly.
The extra feels:
During moments of deep insecurity, he might push you away, thinking it’s for your own good. “You don’t need to waste your life taking care of me,” he says, his words cold but his heart shattering.
In crowded spaces, he can’t always keep track of where you are. The panic of losing you in a sea of voices is overwhelming, and when he finally finds you, he grips your arm like he’s afraid to let go. “Don’t leave me,” he whispers, his voice shaking.
After a dangerous incident where he thought he’d lost you, he broke down entirely. “I can’t do this without you,” he cried, holding you so tightly it was almost painful. The raw fear in his voice was something you’d never forget.
You’ve occasionally slipped up and said something that unintentionally stings, like mentioning something visual he can’t enjoy or forgetting to guide him when he needed it. While he brushes it off, you can see the flash of hurt in his expression, and it breaks your heart.
Ominis doesn’t cry often, but when he does, he comes to you. He’ll bury his face in your shoulder or lap, clutching onto you like you’re the only thing keeping him grounded.
Friendship with Sebastian:
Ominis is fiercely protective of you, but in a quieter way when Sebastian’s around. He trusts Sebastian, but there’s always a part of him that worries you might get swept up in one of Sebastian’s more reckless moments.
Even though the three of you are very different, there’s an unspoken understanding that you’ll be there for each other, no matter what. If one of you is struggling—whether it’s with schoolwork, personal issues, or family matters—the others won’t hesitate to step in and help.
Ominis would provide a grounded perspective, always willing to offer his advice or a listening ear. While he doesn’t speak a lot about his own struggles, he’s incredibly empathetic and always seems to know when you need support. Sebastian, on the other hand, would be the one to try and lift the mood, perhaps cracking a joke or suggesting a very random adventure to get your mind off things.
Ominis might not always vocalize his feelings, but every time you laugh at one of Sebastian’s antics or share a moment of kindness with the group, he’s silently grateful. He’ll cherish these small, happy memories more than he lets on, because it’s rare for him to feel truly connected with others (having you and Sebastian around makes him feel less alone.)
If I think of more ill post them here, hope you enjoyed! Love you all~! Sebastian's are here!
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nonranghaes · 8 months ago
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heads up! fem!reader and housemate!perf unit. reader wears makeup/a dress in this. this is for me lol sorry
for a moment, you brace yourself. living with four men has been... something. but you know them. you know they'll give you an honest opinion... and maybe hype you up when you aren't feeling so well. they've been great about the latter thing before, but something about getting all dressed up for your birthday feels different. the makeup, the new dress you just bought... you just bite the bullet and step out of your tiny room and into the living area of this sharehouse. soonyoung and jun are sitting on the couch, watching a movie when you step into view.
it's while they're giving you a once-over that you speak up, "do i look fine? we have time, i can go change or fix my face or--"
soonyoung immediately raises his voice enough that you know chan and minghao can hear him, "whoa! who is this?!" he slaps jun's arm, playing up whatever bit he's doing with a genuine look of curiosity on his face. "a celebrity?!"
jun looks at him, then you, and then immediately jumps into character. "ohh, i think she is!" he grabs onto soonyoung's arm. "when did a celebrity start to live with us?"
the bathroom door opens, and chan steps out, toothbrush in his mouth. he looks around at the way soonyoung and jun are now babbling, asking for pictures and autographs, when he looks at you. he steps back inside for a minute, and you can hear him spit before he comes back. "you look great," he says with a soft smile. "sorry about them."
you want to tell him it's fine. that you don't mind two of your silly boys hyping you up so sweetly right now. but it's a second later that minghao steps out of his and jun's room, pausing for a minute as he looks at you. he gives you a nod after a minute, but stops. the others go quiet as he makes his way over to you, reaching a hand up, only to stop.
"is this supposed to be smudged right here?" he asks softly, gesturing underneath one of your eyes. when you shake your head, he nods. "look up for a moment."
you do, and minghao is gentle as can be as he fixes where your mascara or something must have smudged underneath your eye. he steps back a second later, hands resting on your upper arms as he gives you another once over to make sure everything else is in order. then he reaches up, squeezing your cheeks.
"you look beautiful," he says with a smile. "remind me to get your autograph later."
(you don't... but you do several pictures with your boys before the night is over, and you aren't surprised when they pop up on their social media accounts bragging about you... and wishing you a happy birthday.)
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writingwisterias · 2 months ago
Note
hiii, I saw that your requests are open and do you think you could write about how Leon Eras would act with a S/O who is going through a kind of difficult phase..? like depressive days and even anxiety attacks. it's just that (all) Leon is my comfort character so he always helps me get through hard days😭 lol. I'm sorry if this is a sensitive topic for you, hun, you can just ignore it if it makes you uncomfortable :] 💗
your writing is so sweet and makes me like DAYDREAM EVEN MORE ABOUT LEON sldjmdaljsl
Hello!
Ah your so sweet I'm so glad you like my writing 🥹I would love to do this for you! I have had a hard week so I've been thinking about this a lot as well! My Dms/Inbox are always open if anyone needs someone to talk to even if it's just about Leon don't hesitate! I have a lot to say 👀❤️❤️
Warnings: Fluff, Depression, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Comfort,
(there is a harder hitting subject area please read with caution! It is highlighted in red and plenty of warning before scrolling!)
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RE2:
Okay so this Leon is more than likely to drop literally everything they are doing to come and help you.
Like nothing is too big of an ask for him, he will drive to wherever you are
If it's an issue with your home life he'll put more gas in his car and take you on a long drive
Won't press you to talk about anything that's bothering you, is more than happy to just be there for you. Even if the silence kills him.
Best hugs.
Like I'm talking crushing bear hugs if you need them.
Forehead kisses as well, he's prone to them.
He's so smitten with you that people often tease him about it. He will take any of the teasing as long as you are happy with him and he's doing his absolute best to care
Writes messages on the mirror in the bathroom if he showers before you 'you got this, I love you'
RE4R:
In one of my other Eras I mentioned that Leon's love language is acts of service and I think it would apply here as well.
Would drop whatever he's doing (if he's nearby) to ensure that you are okay.
Massive cuddler, will get dead arms if it means you stay asleep again his biceps
In terms of Acts of Service I'm thinking like he will take the stress of things for you as you deal with it.
Like don't worry about doing the laundry or cleaning he'll have that covered.
If you as struggling to get up and out of bed he'll make sure you have something fun to do as a reward.
If you don't want to leave the house don't worry he understand, breakfast in bed it is.
Will bed rot with you if you need...he probably needs it as well.
He would help you brush your hair and teeth if needed.
Will not let you say a peep about it, like this is how he shows love. No ask is too big for him. He would rather you be here and okay than have to fold laundry for you.
Infinite Darkness:
So he's away a lot more, they send him literally everywhere in this time of his life but that doesn't mean he won't work damn hard to make sure he's still there.
He would appreciate it if you texted him throughout the day even if you are sad. Like just a small text
'not feeling great today'
When he has the time he would call you and listen for hours to you, or even talk about everything that happened in his day if you need it
If he is home, he's either rotting in bed with you or treating you
He'll carry all your shopping bags for you don't worry!
Always makes sure he smells nice for you, something that makes you chuckle when you hug if you aren't feeling great and his aftershave over powers you
The idea of him quickly spraying himself is too funny to me.
Forehead kisses! Top of the head kisses! All the damn kisses. He'll make sure you feel loved
Has a note in his notes app of all your favorite foods and drinks and will pick them up when he comes to see you to make sure you are okay
Damnation:
As long as you have breakfast for him he's there jk!
Literally drops everything, he doesn't give a shit about the government anymore so you are his first priority
If anyone tries to stop him it's a death glare or punch in the face.
I reckon he uses a baby voice sometimes but instantly cringes and apologizes when it slips out.
Is more than happy to drink with you if that's how you want to deal with things
Will prefer if you don't go any path like that but also knows he's not one to talk so he will support you just begrudgingly
Prefers to have you on his lap when you cuddle, buries his head in your neck as well just taking in you.
Wouldn't really talk unless that's what you wanted, is more of just a calming presence and is very happy to be there for you like that.
RE6:
Will focus on you more than himself.
I'm talking like makes sure you get sleep by staying up and watching you.
Big foodie so will literally eat whatever you want as long as you are eating.
Won't force you to do anything if you don't want to either, he's had that his whole life and knows how it feels.
Big on talking about the future helping you create a plan that can range to activities for the next week or even the end goal of your life.
I think he starts to struggle with a path a head and the ideals of where he actually wants to end up so having someone to plan with wouldn't just make you feel better but himself.
Vendetta:
Even though he is literally a mess himself I think he would make it his first priority to help you.
If he found out.
Don't hide it from him it would make him feel bad that you felt like you had to in order to help him (even though he's literally going to do the same)
I think Leon really needed something else to focus on in this time something to help him get pushed back on track so hearing you are suffering is like a switch flicked.
That being said it doesn't mean he's instantly ready to help you but would be paying closer attention and making changes on himself to help you. Just slowly.
Because it's a slow progress for the both of you I think it would be mainly cuddling and staying inside to help you out. Lots of physical affection as words are hard for the both of you.
I can imagine like movie nights in bed or on the couch.
I think it's more of a we are both suffering so let's suffer together type of thing.
Death Island:
Idealy the most stable out of all of them to handle something along the lines of this.
He would be the biggest brick wall for you to lean on.
Doesn't leave you alone unless he actually has to. Has even refused to work in refusal to stray away from you just in case.
He would be the type of person to be like 'lets go for a walk and get fresh air with the endorphins'
He means it in a good way though. But wouldn't drag you to do anything.
Wouldn't let you rot in bed at least making you sit in the living room or something just won't let you stay in bed.
Will cuddle you until you tell him to move.
Probably would buy you a dog or another animal to focus on something else.
Will learn any of your hobbies to do it with you.
He's the type of person to just try and keep the spark going and encourage you to still go even if you really don't want to.
Will sit in silence if that's what you need, however would end up falling asleep and ruining it by snoring.
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Harder hitting topics underneath!!
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Please read with caution and my Dms are open if you need someone to talk to!
Tw: Sh, Suicidal thoughts
----------------------------------------------------------
This section applies to all Leon's:
If you told it has gotten this bad his initial reaction would be shock and maybe anger. But not at you.
His brain would immediately switch and go towards helping you in any way he can.
He's got minimal first aid training nothing fancy but enough to ensure that you are clean and nothing is infected.
Would listen to every single word you have to say about your situation.
The type of person to ask if you would rather rant or want actual advice.
He would actively ask you quit with the harm and take away any means for you to do it until he can trust you again.
This also includes not taking weapons into his house. He's got a mean kick if there's danger he'll swat them away.
That being said if you did somehow relapse he would not be mad in the slightest and instead care for you and help you out.
Would be heartbroken if you told about how you truly felt about the world and be there every single night.
He is not missing a single second with you
Would constantly check up on you but if you said it's too overbearing he'll apologize and step back even if he really needs to know that you are okay.
Doesn't care about scars, nightmares, trauma, substance abuse...he does it too and would actually use the opportunity to help you and help himself
Would go to therapy with you if that's what you needed or at least be around if you wanted to go on your own
Will make sure you are taking all of your meds and are eating properly.
If you need him he will be there no questions asked.
He doesn't care if it's unprofessional for Hunnigan to put you through to him during a mission he'll just treat the woman to coffee keeping it under the table
If you need him he will come
He'd rather have you than not..
Nothing is too big of a problem for him.
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selineram3421 · 6 months ago
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👁️
You're Off-key
Part 1
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Prologue
Reader X Gravity Falls
Warnings ⚠
⚠ italics=thoughts, swear words, some or many book of bill spoils, blood, mentions of a concussion, minor panic attack, we pacing now lol, ugh Disney mention ⚠
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Ow..
You woke up in pain and the sunlight hitting your eyes.
Everything hurt.
Like a lot.
Geez.. You thought with a groan. Why is everything so bright? What is this vividness? Disney?
Sitting up, you notice that you're still in the woods and it's around noon or at least in the afternoon. Rubbing the back of your head, you try to remember what happened.
I was in the woods..with spaghetti and..my best friend was going to take my picture. Ow-!
You hiss and you pull your hand away from your head, finding blood once getting a look at it.
"Oof ok, time to go get help.", you said to yourself and stood up.
Like any gamer out there, you checked your surroundings before checking your inventory. So far you were deep in the woods that looked oddly..cartoonish? And you had a backpack nearby with a water bottle, phone, and wallet inside.
Where's my flashlight? Wait, I had a flashlight? Also, where's by bestie?
Every time you thought about it your head would start hurting.
"Never mind that, I have to get moving before it gets dark out.", you sighed and began walking.
In all honesty, you did not know where you were going. Just picked a direction and decided that was good enough. Maybe you'll find civilization or maybe you're walking deeper into the woods. Who knows!
My brain is a little optimistic right now. You thought. Or maybe it's due to lack of sleep.. I was driving the whole time.
Then you started getting a little clumsy.
Tripping, swaying, falling flat on your face a few times, and overall just feeling drained. Also, you kept hearing maracas? Was that some kind of bird or something?
Ah, wait. Wasn't that the Hide Behind? You remembered about reading it in Journal 3 and that scene when Mabel says maraca owl. Maybe it is a maraca owl or maybe it's the tall thing that follows people.
Currently, you were laying on the ground because you fell..haha. AGAIN.
Thank Glob you landed on grass this time.
Ok. Do I or do I not take a nap? Probably not the best choice because I might have a concussion. Hm..the choices.
Deciding on one last try, you push yourself off the ground, take a quick sip of water, and continue on your journey! Nothing was gonna stop you now-!
Oh, a bird!
Then you ran into something, fell back and hit your head on the ground.
It was silly because it was kinda like a light switch.
You were awake and then you passed out,
Ha!
OW! How many times am I going to wake up in pain!?
"Great job Dipper! You killed someone!", a feminine voice said.
"They aren't dead! They just hit their head and passed oUt after they fell!", another voice says with a slight voice crack.
"Haha ha!", the girl laughs. "Your voice cracked."
Slowly waking up, you feel a type of rocking motion, like you're in a car or something.
A car!?
You sit up quickly. Too quickly and almost fall out of the golf cart but someone manages to pull you back to the seat.
"Whoa! Careful, you do not want to fall out of this thing when going almost full speed.", the female voice says next to you.
Looking over, you find a brown haired girl wearing a keyboard sweater.
"Hi! I'm Mabel! I have a pet pig named Waddles!!", she introduces herself loudly.
You feel your head hurt at her polite screeching.
"Ow. Hold on, give me a sec.", you say and rub your forehead.
"Uh.. Mabel? It's not a good idea to be loud around someone who just woke up after hitting their head.", the guy says, who you are assuming is driving the golf cart.
"Oops.", the girl, Mabel, smiles at you sheepishly. "My bad."
You wave her off.
"It's fine, I've dealt with worse.", you reassure.
"Let me start again.", she says and extends a hand for you to shake. "I'm Mabel and the one driving the golf cart is my twin brother, Dipper."
"STOP THE CART!"
The golf cart screeches to a stop and you hobbled your way out, beginning to pace back and forth.
Holyshitthisexplainsalot!That'swhyeverythingwassobrightandcartoonybecasuethisisfuckingDisneyshit!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH-!
"Uh..you ok there?", Mabel asks.
"Um? Maybe? I-", you begin but then panic about what to say next.
Shitshitshitshit! Think of something! Anything!
"I don't remember how I got into the woods..", you say and cringe.
Yeah! Nice job! Now you're suspicious! YA DOINKUS!
"O..k, so you hit your head harder than we thought.", Dipper speaks up. "Let's get you patched up and see what we can do from there, ok?"
Pros: Going with two of your favorite characters will lead to adventures. Cons: They might try to read your mind to see if you're a threat and might threaten you with some random weapons..
.....
"I guess I can go with you guys until I can go to the hospital or something.", you say and finally stop imprinting foot prints into the dirt.
"Cool!", Mabel cheers. "Let's go! I've got Mabel juice in the fridge and I wanna see if the new dinosaurs inside taste different!"
"That's not how that works.", her brother mumbles and puts the golf cart in drive.
Hopping back on, you notice your backpack was opened.
"Uh? Who raccooned into my pack?", you asked.
"Racooned?", the Pines driving asks.
"Dug through your stuff? That was Dip.", Mabel says, completely understanding what you meant.
"Oh, sorry.", Dipper pipes up. "That was to see your ID, nothing else. I mean, wouldn't you try to identify someone after they passed out randomly?"
He is kinda right.
"Understandable racooning.", you say and start to brain storm ideas for a plan on how to stay under the radar.
Ok, so I might have/most likely freed Bill and now I have to do something about it before he's running wild around Gravity Falls again...fun.
You sigh and just decide to sit back and enjoy the ride for now.
Jerk didn't let me keep the pictures.
The sun was starting to set, within a few minutes you saw the Mystery Shack in the distance.
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23 1 12 11 9 14 20 15 20 8 5 16 9 14 5 19
~Seline, the person.
Part 2
Taglist@
@diffidentphantom @sleep-7372 @boredwithlifeatthispoint @mspurpl3 @+?
GF List🏞️ | YO-🎹
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hoshinasblade · 7 months ago
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second best |3| hoshina soshiro
PART 1 | PART 2 | BONUS: PART 3
pairing: hoshina soshiro x f!reader genre: slight angst, comfort, childhood friends to lovers, a bit of that miscommunication trope snippet: hoshina soshiro always ranks second at everything in his life. god forbid he falls behind in the bid for your heart too. word count: 2k trigger warnings: a bit suggestive at the end author's note: i promised a part three so here it is, hope you guys like it! likes, replies, and reblogs are welcome but im begging you not to copy or steal my works. feel free to sign up for my taglist (which i swear im gonna use on the next fic lol), and i appreciate when people send me asks so let me know your thoughts (or send me hoshina pics, that'd be great too). my masterlist is here! also i gotta let you know that i might put the next fic on hold because i am so tempted to start a short nsfw collection instead - just one-shots so it won't be a lot of commitments. who knows cause i might write angst and nsfw at the same time 😉
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soshiro's hands were trembling. you noticed because it has not happened in a while - you cannot even recall the last time you've seen the man nervous, much less shaking. you were going to himeji that morning; hoshina had snatched your backpack from you - "when i said i would make it up to ya, i mean in every way i can," he said, sounding gentle and sincere that your only choice was to let him carry your belongings and blush as he also intertwined his fingers with yours while walking.
there is this story you have been hearing for a while - the red string theory, it is called. according to it, people who are destined to be together will always find each other despite everything and anything. when you were a kid, instead of thinking it romantic, you rather thought it is frightening - fate is a difficult enemy to go against: if it is meant to be, then it will be eventually. when you grew up, you held that belief as a prayer - it means that whoever is the one chosen for you may get lost on their way to you, but they will always - always - arrive.
you glanced at hoshina soshiro and you knew you were right to believe.
it was roughly a four-hour journey from tachikawa to himeji by train, and during the entire ride, even when he fell asleep for a short while, your boyfriend did not let go of your hand. you complained about your palms being sweaty as a joke, and he only loosened his hold. you understood - he is making it up to you, but he is also making up for all the wasted time.  
"we're almost there," you told him when he startled from his nap. his bangs were slightly messy, and he bumped his head to your shoulders. "comfy," he hummed. you giggled.
you are still trying to navigate through dating a high-ranking officer of an anti-kaiju defense force unit. relationships aren't strictly forbidden but still frowned upon, which was a little bit of an issue between you and soshiro when you had a proper and long-overdue conversation about what you guys were. confessing is one thing, but when being friends is all you've known your whole life, you know adjustments are supposed to be made here and there.
 which brings you and him back to your hometown.
he didn't exactly disagree with you, but you are aware he had his reservations about the idea of visiting himeji. "oh i'm pretty sure soichiro-kun would be surprised," you said when you were still planning the trip. "yes, we should kiss in front of him and give him a heart attack," soshiro suggested, and you weren't hundred-percent sure he was just joking. maybe you didn't want him to be.
when the streets started to look familiar, soshiro noted the sudden bounce in your pace. you and he have walked in the same alley years ago - he would wait for you after class and would even make up some ridiculous excuse so you could go home together. "i used to pretend to be tired way back just so i could convince you to slow down. i wanted to spend so much time with you," you reminisced.
"i should have known ya were head-over-heels for me," he teased.
"they miss ya, soshiro-kun. ya don't have anything to worry about." the change in topic wiped the smirk off his face. he was suddenly serious, sad even. there was a part of you that regretted saying the words, but he had to hear it - you only wanted to reassure him after all.
"just that i haven't been here for a long while", he said, squeezing your hand. "i don't know if they think this place is still my home."
"ya need to have faith in the people you care about, soshiro-kun. ya need to trust that they care about ya too," you solemnly advised. "i know that doesn't make any sense sometimes, but that's how i do it."
"have i told ya i love you so much?" he responded, to which you smiled.
"only a thousand times," you joked once more.
the hoshina estate is a spacious one - you have to pass through an automated black gate that directs you to the main house, the cobblestone path lined with cherry blossom trees, their delicate petals swirling when the wind blows gently; the grandeur of the home soshiro grew up in is undeniable with its traditional japanese architecture. a man with striking features and an aura of authority was waiting at the entrance, waiting for his son.
“father,” soshiro greeted the man, bowing deeply.
“an embarrassment that your friend will be the one to bring you home when you could have done it a long time ago,” soshiro’s father scolded him. his stare at soshiro was that of disappointment, which quickly disappeared when he looked at you. “ah, my dear, come on in, hurry, come on in,” he turned and said to you, inviting you in. the hoshina patriarch had always been fond of you - soshiro’s parents had wanted a daughter and they found one in you.
soshiro rolled his eyes. “my father’s favorite child is my girlfriend, great,” he muttered.
the maids made you a great dinner, cooking soshiro’s favorite food per his father’s request. conversation was light, and it was apparent that the old hoshina wanted to catch up so badly on how his son was doing, inquiring in consecutive questions about soshiro’s rank in the unit, his experiences so far, and his long-term plans in staying with the force. soshiro’s replies are detailed, but you know he intentionally did not mention all the instances where he almost died fighting.
soshiro’s father regaled you both with stories of soshiro’s childhood antics - “do ya remember, my dear, when soshiro tripped and fell on his face after training with soichiro? we were so worried, but he only fell asleep,” he recited the memory as if it was just yesterday., his kansai accent thick on his words. the tension that had lingered in the air had dissipated as you finished your meal.
“i had the guest room prepared for ya so ya can rest for tonight,” soshiro’s father had said when his son cut him off.
“no, we can sleep together,” soshiro declared, and thinking it might have sounded improper, he spoke again. “beside each other, i mean. in my room. because we’re tired. from travelling all day," he attempted to clarify but failed.
“ah, may i look forward to a grandchild soon from ya two?” color drained from your face as you slowly closed your eyes. you fought off a laugh but failed.
“ya may, but we aren’t doing that here of all places,” soshiro argued just as his father had turned his back on the both of you, amused with himself. at least now you know where soshiro got his sense of humor.
the hot shower felt great against your tensed muscles, and if you weren’t that exhausted, you would have opted for a bath instead. soshiro wanted to speak to his father alone, so when he ushered you inside his childhood bedroom, he’d let you know that he would be gone while you were cleaning yourself up. you were relieved; you haven’t seen your own father since you were a teenager, and it would be a shame to see it happening to the person you care about the most, not if you can do something about it. and this is not to say that you wanted to fix soshiro’s life - you pointed this out to him once - but he’s had a terrible habit of holding back and assuming the worst, so you had decided that if you could help him out, you would push him to the right direction.
“didn’t ya pack clothes?” his eyes were on you immediately after he came in, finding you on the bed with your phone, wearing his shirt.
“i did, but yours look better,” you replied, holding your arms out and showing him how oversized it is on you - the sleeves are passed your elbows, the hem reaching the middle of your thighs.
“they look better on ya, i agree.” he sat on the mattress for a few moments before lying down, his legs dangling off the edge of the bed. “ya all good?”
“i am,” you said to him. “especially because i scanned yer photos when ye're still little while ya were gone,” you informed him then showing him a folder you created in your device - baby hoshina soshiro folder, you named it - full of duplicates you made of the framed pictures of your boyfriend all over the house. there’s one where he didn’t have any hair at all; there’s one where he was close to crying but appeared to be keeping the tears in; there’s one where he was missing a tooth but smiling like there’s no tomorrow. soshiro moved to take your phone away, but you were quicker than him.
“this is payback, for all the times ya weren’t talking to me.” you were alluding to the three long months when you were still an applicant to the defense force and soshiro acted like you were a stranger. he had apologized for it already, but it is nice to make fun of him sometimes so you brought it up. “that hurt my feelings, ya know.” you laid down beside him, invading his personal space, your shoulders touching his.
“i was stupid”, he said. “and it’s not like i could have come up to ya and said, hey i’m sorry for leaving ya in himeji, by the way i’m crazy for ya.”
“and all those times i thought ya had something with commander ashiro, oh god!” you exclaimed for effect. “by the way, the other recruits thought the same.”
“it’s not like that between her and me.” his gaze on you was brief. “it’s not like that with anyone else.”
“it better not be, because i’m leaking all yer baby photos to the first division if ya mess up,” you threatened him despite not needing to.
“i promise, i won’t.” he grabbed your hand from your side and linked it with his, cradling it to his chest before bringing it to his lips. “i’m not that stupid.”
soshiro’s childhood room was what you would expect from a teenage boy: a king-sized bed, a bookshelf of manga, a cabinet showcasing knives and blades. you never had the opportunity to enter his room even when you were kids, you realized. you looked up to the ceiling and you saw green dots that formed shapes - makeshift constellations, you recognized the patterns - little plastic stickers that you glue to surfaces. “are those supposed to be stars?”
soshiro sighed, his arm on top of his face. “yeah, uh - remember when uh - i think that was in junior high, and ye're so into astronomy? i thought it’d be a good idea to know the names of the stars to impress ya, so i started trying to memorize them.”
you shifted to face him, speechless. maybe if you had known this, if you had known the other things you are certain now that soshiro had done and was willing to do for you, you wouldn’t have wasted years questioning your place in his life and deciphering his feelings. a wave of warmth washed over you as you reached out and lifted his arm off his face, meeting his eyes.
soshiro’s lips felt as soft as it looks like, you thought as you kissed him. you pushed yourself into him, and he pulled you tighter until it seemed there was not enough air for you to breathe - until your chests were pressed together it was as if your hearts were beating as one. something sparked inside you; the sensation of being so close to soshiro about to consume you from within. his hand crawled to your hips and remained there. you drew back a bit after that, and when you saw the panicked look on his face, you kissed him again.
“i love you,” you told him in between pants.
the night went on, and by the end of it, hoshina soshiro discovered that his favorite sound is you moaning his name.
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reareaotaku · 9 months ago
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Crazy Party
Summary: You're not a party person, but Heffley will not leave you alone unless you agree to come Characters: Rodrick Heffley x Fem! Reader Tw: Peer Pressure, Slight Harrassment [Since my Rodrick Posts are very popular this month, I'm doing another!] [Wrote this a while ago and had to finish it lol]
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He would not leave you alone no matter what you did. He would appear at your locker, your classes, outside the locker room- Hell, even the bathroom! Each time you narrowly escaped him. Though, if there was one thing Rodrick was, it was persistent.
You had never realized how big the school was until you had to find places to hide from him. You weren't exactly sure why you didn't want to talk to him, but you didn't like talking with people; Especially people like him.
You just wanted to do your work, keep your head down and move on with your life. Now he wanted to do pretty much the opposite. You knew he'd ruin your life and you worked to hard for some dude to come and ruin everything you worked for. Though, you couldn't always be lucky.
He finally caught your dad was to busy to pick you up, even though he knew your car was in the shop. You cursed your dad for leaving you open for a conversation with the emo man. His stupid 'Oh, I'm sure you can get a ride from a friend' words rang hrough your mind.
"Need a ride?"
You groan, before looking around realizing the parking lot was empty. You looked back at him, before sighing and getting in.
"So, I'm having a party friday-"
"I'm busy."
"Yeah? Doing what?"
"None of your business-"
"Oh, come on- It'll be fun."
You rolled your eyes, before sighing, "Fine."
---
And that's how you ended up in a crowded house. You sunk into a corner as dozens of people stuffed the room. You didn't want to be here, but the host pressured you to come. Speaking of the host, you could hear him call your name from nearby and you quickly whipped your head around.
"How is the prettiest girl doing tonight? You having a good time?"
You weren't. Although, you couldn't possibly say that, even though you wished you could. "Yes, I'm having a blast," You say, rolling your eyes in the process.
He leans on the wall, before tossing his hair, causing you to slap his hand away.
"Ow! That hurt."
"Oh, you'll be fine."
Before he could respond, someone called his name from the kitchen.
"I'll be right back. Stay right here."
You roll your eyes and the minute he leaves, you leave as well. You decide to explore the house some- Or at least get away from the crowded living room. You start to travel deeper into the house when you hear voices... It sounds like some kids? You put your ear to the door, listening closely.
"Come on Rodrick! Let us out."
You scrunch your eyebrows, before fiddling with the door. It was locked, so you twisted the handle, before opening the door.
"Hello?"
Two faces popped out of the basement, before their faces light up when seeing light.
"Oh my god! Freedom!"
But before the could even get up the stairs, you're pushed inside and the door slams shut behind you. You catch yourself on the railings, so you don't fall. You hear some groaning and you glare at the voices. Or at least you think you did.
"Great, now we're all stuck here."
"Who are you?"
"I'm Rowley!"
You looked towards the voice and we're able to make out a little chubby boy. He seemed sweet, so you were quick to recoperate his happiness.
"Y/n. I'm Y/n."
"Oh- YOU'RE Y/n. My brother talks about you all the time."
"Brother? Who's your brother?"
"Rodrick-"
You groan, interupting the boy. He quickly catches onto your disposition.
"You don't like him?"
"Ehh... That's not it... He's just annoying."
"And mean." Rowley quickly comments, causing you to chuckle.
"Yeah... He is huh?"
You hear a laugh- not from Rowley. You realized that if this kid was Rodrick's brother then he was probably Greg. You had briefly heard about him when Rodrick complained about him.
"You're Greg, right? Aren't you guys in middle school? What are you doing at a high school party?"
"Yeah, we wanted to be part of the 'cool crowd.'" Rowley answers you, before continuing, "But Rodrick locked us down here."
"Wow. What a jerk." You exclaim, before going back up to the door and banging on it.
"It's pointless. No one will hear you. We've tried for hours."
You sigh, "Why would he lock you down here?"
"Because he's a jerk. I thought you knew that," Greg said with an attitude, causing you to turn your head towards him.
"Wow, you're something, huh, Greg."
"I like to think so."
"I'm sure you do. You know you're a lot like Rodrick-"
"I take that as an insult." Greg states, offended.
Before you can retort, the door finally opens and there stands a shocked Rodrick.
"Y/n? What are you doing down here? I've been looking for you...." He freezes when seeing your angry face and crossed arms. He looks behind you to see his brother and his stupid friend. His eyes widen as he stands straighter, "I can explain."
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curlyfriesgalore · 22 days ago
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curly can't sing.
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as the title says, it's a headcanon i randomly had when playing my mouthwashing sims 4 household (lol), where swansea and curly went karaoke-ing at 'waterside warble' in san myshuno. curly sang horrendously since he just gained the skill. though, it made me think, how funny would it be if curly genuinely couldn't sing for shit?
it's the one thing jimmy has leverage over (he's no better, really), and curly is painfully aware of his tone-deafness, so he never reveals it unless it's for a special occasion... with an extra special someone there to watch him perform (miserably).
that being said, daisuke suggested the crew do something fun to celebrate the completion of their shipment, so why not do some karaoke?
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★ a sfw one-shot broken down into bullets with chat-format segments for dialogue. fair warning, there are a few suggestive moments, but the implications aren't overt. [2,817 words]
☆ gen tags: set in 2005. gn! reader who is a doctor and a great singer. none of the game's events happen, so they're just a bunch of folks doing regular space deliveries, but jimmy is still an unpleasant ass that gets on the reader's nerves. reader and curly are crushing on each other (they're on the brink of knowing it's reciprocal). manfailure curly but he's trying his best... whatever that best is (lmfao, accurate to canon 😭). curly -> grant (name switch at some point in the fic). there's one moment where curly and reader share a glass, so just letting you know in case you're not a fan of that :)
[i'm still on break, but i wanted to write something more concise and improvised in under a day! and i won't lie, i find fics including everyone to be so fun to write. i really love testing out my characterizations of the crew and have them interact in relaxed scenarios. art by kafukafukadayo on twt. —iris🌠]
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while you bask in the dim hues of red lights, the instrumental of an electropop softens into silence as it tandems with your pants. when you peel your eyes open, everyone's gaping their mouths and raising their brows—even jimmy, ever the unimpressed, is surprisingly taken aback, and you're taken aback by that alone.
daisuke springs from the leather sofa. he bounds towards you, grips both your shoulders, and shakes you senselessly, his hand still somehow clutching his open flip phone.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
"doc, that... was... INSANE!" he jostles your body back and forth between his pauses, swaying you with all his might as he nearly forces the microphone to drop out your hand. daisuke swishes his head, finally letting you go, "wh—buh?! how do you—are you imogen heap reincarnated?!"
anya snorts, sounding like a stuffed trumpet. "dai, imogen's alive! she's only 27." swansea follows suit, his deep chuckle rumbling through his belly, crossed arms resting atop. "pfft, that's far from dead."
daisuke rolls his eyes away from the two, "tch, you get what i mean! like, look—!" he speedily dials the buttons on his phone, opening his gallery and brandishing a pixelated clip of you singing along to the mbira melody and string bass beats, the crunchy electronic syncs with your ethereal mezzo-soprano. daisuke snaps the phone shut with his palm, raising his free hand in surrender. "if that's not the lead singer of frou frou, then i don't know who is." he takes the remote, looking through what next to sing.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
amid the nurse, mechanic, and intern belting their lungs out to "hey ya!" curly sits, and you stand before him. his ocean eyes swim in awe as he cranes his neck to face you. you're glowing. your head perfectly aligns right in front of the carmine light; its luminescence filters around your shadowed outline, like you were some angel graced from above with an even more angelic voice to come with. it was sort of comical how the largest man in the room felt so small beneath your presence.
there's a dew of sweat hanging below your bottom lip, and curly can't help but bite his. that is until he slips his teeth back in when you cushion yourself onto the couch, spreading your legs wide with an arm lounging on the headrest behind him. curly huffed a laugh and leaned into the shiny sofa, letting his scalp fall onto your forearm.
even with your tongue tucked inside your parted lips, curly could practically see your papillae beg for freshness. he smiles, momentarily stretching his back away from the couch to grab your drink and hands it to you. a raspy thanks escape your parched throat.
your neck bobs with every gulp, drinking like it's the last you'll ever taste water. curly tries his hardest not to let his gaze linger longer than it should, but the way your head tilts back and your hand grips the glass, he can't help but swallow some of that imaginary water himself.
a contented sigh leaves you. you flick your eyes to him and just about see the last of his adam's apple slurp up nothing. you gesture the drink, asking if he wants it. curly is briefly hesitant until he turns to see his empty cup and shrugs, "sure, why not?"
as curly takes his sip, he notices the beaded sweat shining on your lip more notably than before. his brows raise ever so subtly, ruminating his next moves. when you still fail to realize the wetness glistening at your mouth's rim, he pulls the drink away from himself.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
"hey, can i...?"
your eyes widen softly as you watch his thumb inch toward your jaw. you flick your view down, puffing out your lower lip to see a dab of sweat cling onto you for dear life. you look back at him and nod. curly gently takes a hold of your chin, thumbing the sudor away while his remaining fingers brush against your neck. you take in the moment, eyes half-lidded and lips ever so parted. he wasn't glancing at you, but you could tell he wanted to, for his warm breath quiets the longer you study him—noticing the way his tongue peeks out his mouth or how his golden greying hair falls over the wrinkles etched into his temple. "you know," moments before he drops his hand, he finally manages to look you in the eye, your faces merely inches apart. "your performance really gave me chills." you smirked, "is that why you didn't speak up?" your tease brought curly to a laugh, the bass in his voice strong. "i can't help but be mesmerized when that's how you sing, doc."
you hummed a titter, nodding to yourself as you thanked him with a delicate smile. "you can drop the formalities, grant. we're at a karaoke bar, not the tulpar."
whether or not you noticed the hitch in his breath, grant softened upon hearing his first name, oftentimes forgetting that's who he actually is. his head tilts down, blithely sighing before picking himself up to show you his grin, "okay, okay..." he momentarily chuckles, now resting his elbow on the headrest, propping it up, and leaning onto his knuckles next to your arm still lying there. "well, my point still stands. you have an incredibly captivating voice, y/n." "oh, stop it...!" you both become a blushing, giggling mess. your other hand finds its way to rest on your knee, which sits right against grant's. as you speak about your singing history, grant brings his free palm to his thigh, pretending to unintentionally graze his calloused fingers against your nails. he listens intently to how you'd belt out your favorite songs on repeat, albeit the sound of daisuke and anya screaming, "HEEEY YAAA!" and the tidbits of exhaustion lingering in his mind make your words muffle into incoherent jargon.
"but enough about me, i wanna hear you." you catch his eyes snapping away from both his and your legs smushing together, hoping you don't notice the blankness in his brain. "or are you just charming me to stall your big reveal, hm?"
grant's jaw falls, and utterances of filler words filter out his mouth, but before he can respond, daisuke catches wind of their conversation as outkast's song dies down in the background.
"oh, yeah!" daisuke takes a swig of his soda. after a sigh of satisfaction and couple of lip smacks, daisuke leaps from his end of the couch and motions to the two, microphone in hand. "it's your turn to solo, captain!"
"uhh, i don't know if i should..." grant sheepishly waves the mic away, his eyes shifting between everyone's expressions. daisuke is pouting and pleading with puppy eyes. anya just gives him a thumbs-up and a classic comforting smile. swansea is indifferent. jimmy, who's been leaning against the palm tree printed wall for the past four songs, beer in hand, grows an all-too-familiar smirk. then there's you, expectantly looking at him with overlaid eyes he wishes to see in a different setting... that of his bedroom—
"aww, why not, curl? we've done our parts. 's only fair you do yours, too." jimmy's tone was far from welcoming, sounding more like a jab than anything. you narrowed your sights at him, "didn't you only sing in the group ones?" jimmy shrugs. "look," after taking another chug of his can, raising his hands in defeat. "my karaoke quota's been filled. sorry." you simply roll your eyes. before the tension thickens, daisuke interjects, "ah, don't worry, cap. i bet your voice sounds super cool, like superhero cool! you've got that gruffness that swan's got... but y'know... less croaky n' stuff!" "'scuze me?" swansea lifts a single brow, anya stifles a laugh, and daisuke flails his hands in defense, "eh- i mean it as a compliment! you've got a sick voice, swansea." "emphasis on sick..." anya cheekily comments under her breath, and for the first time in forever, swansea's jaw drops. he coughs out a laugh that's been lodged in his throat for god knows how long and shakes his head, pointing his thumb at the giggling woman. "wowww, aren't you, the nurse, supposed to be fixing that?" anya nods to you, "only under doctor's orders." the two have a back and forth, but daisuke still stands in front of grant, intent on lending the mic to the man.
"i—okay..." grant crumbles under the pressure, caving in when you whisper a couple of encouragements. daisuke cheers, anya claps, swansea bobs his head in support, jimmy fakes a whoop, and you—genuinely—hype him up with a holler.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
grant purses his lip as he presses the buttons on the remote while daisuke guides him through the songs on the screen.
jimmy leaves his spot, his boot denting a scuff mark on the wallpaper. your nose flares, watching him carelessly toss the can into the bin as he makes his way to sandwich you between him and swansea, purposefully maximizing the width of how far he can stretch his legs.
you ignore him, opting to watch someone much cuter. grant turns to you, awkwardly smiling as you return a thumbs-up. he focuses back on daisuke, who's now raving over a song he definitely thinks grant should sing.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
"you know he's shit, right?" your brows contort into a furrow, still not looking at the man. "the fuck you mean?" you never had much patience for jimmy, of all people, so your courtesies never fail to fall short with him. "you know who i mean—him." jimmy gestures to grant, pointer finger flicking at the blond. "no shit, sherlock. i'm saying, what are you specifically referring to?" "obviously, his voice, sherlock." he drawls the two syllables, the stench of yeast and malt oozing out of his mouth and into your unfortunate nose. "he'll make your ears bleed, trust me." finally, you face him and stare at jimmy's smugness with an incredulous squint. seriously, how the fuck does grant put up with him? you couldn't even stand the guy's presence, let alone his incessant insults on grant himself. "do you do anything but complain?" you sneer. "nope." jimmy curtly replies, mouthing a pop after the 'p' as he claws a hand over the chips bowl, stuffing his face with grease. at this point, you weren't sure if you should stay annoyed or be slightly impressed with his sheer ability to find the worst in everything. "some fucking friend..." you say to yourself, already past the point of defeat. with his mouth still full of food, jimmy responds, "hey, as his friend, i'm actively warning you. i've known this guy long enough to be there for his first choir class." "whatever, we'll see." you huffed, relaxing on the couch, sitting much closer to swansea than the other. "it's not like you've got much credibility, anyway." you think back to moments ago, whenever it was jimmy's turn to sing his parts, his half-assed attempts barely constitutes as a grumble. jimmy snickers, "who says i'm denying that? just 'cause i don't care doesn't mean i'm wrong."
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
you have never been more relieved to hear a soft pop interlude, forcing the conversation to a close.
daisuke flops onto the sofa next to anya and flips open his phone, pressing record as the tv flashes the music video to "shape of my heart." you lean behind swansea and lock eyes with daisuke, who abashedly giggles when you mouth, 'you chose this, didn't you?' to which he nods excitedly.
ah, daisuke, ever the avid backstreet boys fanatic.
your eyes fall back to grant. the man fidgets with his microphone, and his shoe frantically taps to the beat, pursing his lips into a tight smile in hopes it will clench down the shivers rising with the guitar strums. you silently cheer him on when he starts humming, following the yellow highlight filling up the white text reading ♪ yeah, yeah ♪, and—
oh!
...oh
oh, god.
jimmy... wasn't wrong, far from it, actually—as much as it pains you to admit.
the very moment grant hits that ♪ baby ♪, it's all downhill from here. it's as if his pitch took a trip to six flags. his questionably paced breaths mimic a ride with an unnecessary amount of loop-the-loops, and his tone flip-flops between a coarse rasp and an oddly airy twang, like a reverse bungee slingshotting into the air.
grant's eyes squeeze shut, facing away from the crew. either he was incredibly invested or excruciatingly embarrassed, and with how he was really getting into that chorus, nobody could tell. he only ever peeks to look at you, though, clearly awaiting your approval, to whom you always beam, your face mixed in pity and affection.
as much as he sounded like a crow was clawing its way out of his esophagus, you couldn't help but find his attempts to be really wholesome. maybe it's your pre-existing bias, and maybe it's because this feels like he's serenading every line at you, but it's hard not to fall for this vocal failure of a man—even though everyone else's expressions say otherwise.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
"told you so," jimmy taunts in your ear, sickeningly chuckling at grant without hesitation. "woo! curly, you go, dude!" he cheers, voice dipped in mockery. all you do is click your tongue and face the others, choosing to listen in on anya and swansea. "you sure i'm the one that's 'sick'?" swansea jokes, albeit laced with genuine disgust. he leans to you, whispering the same revulsion, "you both need to rethink your careers."
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
anya simply grimaces, trying her hardest to make it look like a grin, but her knit brows and frown give way.
daisuke's eyes say everything. they're wide, and his pupils constrict like he's a cartoon. his hand hesitantly grips onto his flip phone, unsure if he should keep the camera going. as his leg rapidly bounces and his teeth bite down on his paint-chipped nails, his gaze slowly turns away from grant's caterwauling and towards the rest of the crew.
moreover, you're just as guilty. although you're not irked by this newfound fact, a wince washes over you the moment you are out of grant's sights.
suddenly, after the first chorus, the song reveals a blue highlight painting the white text. grant falters, his voice shrinking when he sees the two primary colors play different lyrics simultaneously. everyone takes notice, their faces easing from cringe to confusion. then it clicks.
this was a duet.
daisuke palms his face with a slap—that's his bad. you skim the room, and everyone's exchanging glances, implicitly questioning who'll aid their poor captain.
without hesitation, you jump to the rescue. snatching a mic from the coffee table and quickly singing your parts, striding your way towards grant, who immediately picks up where he's left off, still shrill as ever.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
♪ i'M hEre WIDTH myYy...! confEh shion ♪, in a sheer attempt at confidence, grant belts his lyrics. his dimples dig into his smile, sending you the much-needed energy to sing your lines. ♪ got nothing to hide no more ♪. you sway your head in accordance with the melody, ball up your fist, and let your fingers spread far and wide, wiping the air as you and grant's steps magnetize toward each other. ♪ i don't kNOw whe...rE to st-art ♪; warbling his words, grant's gaze softens when you're within arms reach. he lowers his neck, brings the mic close to his lips, and grazes your forearm, wishing he could feel the flush skin of your waist and reel you in. ♪ but to show you... ♪, as both lyrics meld into one, you take his hand into yours. ♪...the shA-pe of mY hEart ♪
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
daisuke bursts into song, singing the first line of the last verse, startling everyone in the process. anya joins in, now standing with daisuke as both pull swansea to his feet. the mechanic begrudgingly croons along to his intern's baritone and his nurse's soprano.
daisuke beckons for jimmy to come with him, but in classic jimmy zare fashion, he remains stagnant. the younger man frowns. though, he quickly reminds himself that there are only five members in BSB, anyway. so daisuke hands jimmy his phone instead, telling the co-pilot to make sure that everyone's in frame.
they've turned this into a concert for a one-man audience, who's hating every second of it.
save for jimmy, currently grousing under his breath, the crew wraps their arms around each other's shoulders and chants their hearts out to the R&B melody.
as the track nears its final moments, you and grant rest your hands on each other's waists, pulling your bodies close as your head leans on his pec. neither of you realizes that you've left the other three, who are all too busy rocking side to side to notice the two of you in a side embrace, minds too carried away to feel jimmy's prickly leer.
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[oh my god, i genuinely didn't even intend for this ending, but here we are 🥹! i hope you guys liked this, and if anyone has comments on how i wrote everyone's dialogue and mannerisms, like what worked, or if you have suggestions for any additions, please let me know! i still need to learn more about writing anya, since in canon, it's hard to get a read of her real personality through jimmy's lens. still, so far, i like to think she enjoys teasing people she's comfortable with. as for swansea, i'm trying to lean into his meanness more, but i'm saving most of that for a daisuke fic centered on swansea's pov, so we'll see what i do when i get there! —iris🌠]
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