#theyre so stupid i hate them i need them to get married

[pansy-picnics]

I really want to say this somewhere but honestly, my favorite part of Varigo is that it can really go both ways.

Like they have that soft fluffy thing going for them with that first love energy and it’s absolutely adorable in whatever it’s done with. And very believable.

But then they can also have this side where these two hate each other, but they want to MAKE OUT SO BAD IT HURTS TO WATCH. Like major enemies to lovers vibes and it’s very believable.

Maybe it’s just because Hugo technically never existed but any dynamic that any fanfic or art gives them just MAKES SENCE TO ME.

they are enemies AND lovers……... it is the funniest thing to me tbh i cannot see them being super lovey-dovey all the time after they get together, like its not that they AREN’T sickeningly in love, it’s just that they can flip between that and calling each other ugly whores within 5 seconds and they’re completely unfazed. as funny as it is i personally think it’s because at their core they are both kids who were forced to grow up too fast, and they bring out each others inner child in a way…. cuz like, their rivalry/hatred for each other has never been, in any way, Reasonable or Mature

hugo was suspicious when they met, sure, but i don’t think thats really why varian disliked him- i think that’s just the reason he used to justify it in his head. Really he just thought hugo was cool as fuck and he was really mad about being outshined on HIS coming of age quest. like. HE’S the main character bro. Who does this blonde bitch think he is. Goddamn. /j

and….Hugo was the same way lol. like despite his awful circumstances and all the angst going on in his head he only initially antagonized varian because he was a 19 year old boy and wanted to look cool and act like he knew everything. THEIR WHOLE RIVALRY WAS SO CHILDISH! AND THATS WHATS SO SPECIAL ABOUT IT I FEEL CUZ….NEITHER OF THEM HAVE EVER REALLY HAD THAT BEFORE.

ITS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID!! it’s that they’re each others first love…but they are also simultaneously each other’s first best friend and also each other’s first Enemy. Neither of them have REALLY done any of that before like ever. varian had friends but he’s never had friends HIS AGE, yk? its completely new for both of them, each for separate reasons, and because of that they are both acting like stupid fucking 12 year olds about it.

even after they get together i think the core of their dynamic is that….they were kind of each other’s (incredibly belated) childhood best friend. and they will always be best friends first and foremost Yk? they bring out each others inner child. it’s why even when they’ve been married for 40 years they tease each other like theyre two middle schoolers fighting on the school bus over pokemon cards. its why they always know exactly how to make the other laugh or cheer them up after a long day. they know EXACTLY how to push each others buttons but they also know when is too far, which is why they can just say the most vile things to each other without even hesitating because they KNOW they don’t gaf. They share one braincell together but they’re also both genius mad scientists so they COULD take over the world together if they wanted to but they’re too busy playing jenga with glass beakers in their pajamas at 2 pm. Idk. They need to be shot.

[andytheimpostor]

HHI GUYS. listen

ethsn winters is actually so awesome i fixated on him so fast. this is the longest smount of time in the history of even that ive ever fixated something (coming up on 6months).

maybe its weird to be so attached to a fictional guy especially to cling to him within moments even though i barely knew anything about him… hes just so awesome i couldnt resist i guess

ethan winters is my BIGGEST BADDEST KIN im literally him. i havent ever looked into why this is and i dont really want to because i think that would probably make me cry

umm i have a life sized ethan cardboard cutout that i made staring at me right now but hes still cardboard color, i need to paint him or something. i also have an ethan shirt and its like literally my favorite thing ever that i own but recently its got a little chip in the design which makes me nervous. i ALSO have 3 ethan keychains (well… technically 2. my gay lover got me one but hasnt given it to me yet (side eye emoji))

idont undersrand the ethan winters hate, hes genuinely so awesome. maybe not your average resident but he had a great run and he is was a great guy. HOW COULD YOU HATE HIM???

maybe im not ethans BIGGEST fan, but i pray that im up there somewhere. i have pages and pages and papers and digital canvases COVERED in his stupid face. i have 2 different folders dedicated to it. ive been thinking about making a mini cardboard rthan but maybe my keychains will suffice that need… if i find where i put them. (i think i know where they are)

also maybe its not important but i love wintersberg. i love old men gay yaoi (take that with a grain of salt please. also i know ethan isnt that old) i get that theres like… not a lot to work off of maybe besides a couple short interactions and a diary, but whattever i love them. i have no problem with clethan at all, i love all the art i see of them.

that brings me to mithan…. clearly its literally canon but like. i dont think i can do mithan unless its t4t. i dunno if thats bad or something its canon and theyre married and have a baby. but. im not saying i have any problems with it? i just find it hard to enjoy when they. arent. yeah

brings me to the next thing im a (not firm) trans ethan believer. as in… i believe but im lenient on it. uhh where was i. i think its funny to think about the possibility that ethan gave birth to rose. maybe thats not funny, maybe its just cause its three in the morning.

all the characters i resonate with are men, anddd usually blonde. ethan is at the top of that list obviously!!! maybe thats not important but it feels like it leave me alone

i got one of my friends into re7/8, and they just finished 8. they streamed the end of it and we both ended up bawling our eyes out because it was so sad. i cry every time i watch the end of 8, which is probably more often then i should be.

sorry guys its 3am and i just woke up so i did this on a whim forgive me if any of my grammar is bad or anything umm yeah

I LOVE ETHAN!!!!!💥💥💥hes such a sweet guy, real or not…

[grecoromanyaoi]

ok decided to post this publicly. the current name is 'when in rome' but im not sure i like it. it will ideally b a sitcom/comedy but unfortunately i keep putting in terrible and horrendous things into the plot that make it kinda hard to b a strictly comedy. like theyre a rich family in 1st century bc rome (60 bc to b exact). theyre imperialists. they have slaves. im trying to b as respectful as i can + trying to b comical so more under the cut. the characters r v basic for now.

so basically its abt the avianii, a rich patrician family. the parents are lucius avianus honorinus (sr) and cantilia. they have 5 children- lucius (jr), tiberius, aviana the elder, gaius and aviana the younger.

Lucius Avianus Honorinus (jr) is one of the main characters. he is kind of a loser.  He hates doing what he’s told. He hates not fitting in, but he also hates everything fitting in requires, because it's just not him. He’s neurotic, obsessed with getting positive reassurance. He can’t find it in society or his family, so he looks for it in sexual partners. He wants to be loved, to be desired, to be appreciated in any way. He’s desperate for it. Wants to please his parents and society but knows he never truly will. He wants to be a poet. His poetry is not great. hes got a working class greek immigrant bf and theyre being weird and gay abt it. he doesnt identify as nonbinary bc that label or idea didnt rly exist yet, but if he were alive today hed probably identify as nonbinary.

Lysandros (said bf) is realistic, sometimes borderline pessimistic. Grounded in reality. He’s sarcastic (deadpan snarker). He’s hilarious. He is a stonemason? smith? goldsmith? baker? builder? He’s good at his job, whatever it is. His wife, Laodike, and mother are back in Boeotia, and he sends them money. He doesn’t particularly like his wife, and she doesn’t like him either. They have a kid, Aristokles, who Lysandros figures isn’t his.

Aviana (the elder) is also a main character. she is a bit odd. Kind of a goofball. She says whatever she thinks all the time, never once stopping to think whether it’s appropriate or what the consequences will be. An autism diagnosis will do her a great good. She’s far from stupid, but people often think she is because they don’t understand the way she thinks. Often oblivious to situations around her, but sometimes understands/figures out more than she lets on. she dreams of a great love, but gets married to a man who turns out to b rly shitty and abusive, so she cheats on him w Adiantunnos, her gaulish (gaelic? idk. from gaul) bf who actually respects her (who is the only good parisian perhaps to this day).

Tiberius Avianus Honorinus is way too into the military and makes it his entire personality bona dea Tiberius shut uppppp nobody wants to hear abt ur siege in germania for the umpteenth time. He definitely takes after his father (i need to continue this im lazy)

Gaius Avianus Honorinus doesn’t talk at all. He is a high support autistic, and very likely has some sort of an intellectual disability as well. He likes listening to music, but only to very specific music. He only likes women’s singing, not men’s singing. his siblings (aside from Tiberius) love him very much, but Diotima (enslaved character) is the only one who understands him and knows how to care for him.

Aviana (the younger) is like 9 so i havent really thought about her yet.

Cantilia is a bit of a bully. She wants all her children to present as perfect, and for them to look like the perfect family. The fact that she rarely cares about her children’s feelings, wants or needs, and even Gaius’ mere existence makes it impossible for her to present them as the perfect family. Often jealous and especially mean to young women in her husband’s vicinity, especially to Boudilatis (enslaved character), because he pays them more attention than he does her.

Lucius Avianus Honorinus (father) is high key a terrible person. He definitely has autism but he displays it in ways that pass it off as his “man traits”, for example how he talks about politics and the military almost nonstop. He doesn’t understand his wife nor his children and doesn’t care to. Can be very cruel to his wife and children, and even worse to the slaves. He wants his children to be perfect, and for his sons, when he says ‘perfect’ he means ‘just like him’. He is only proud of Tiberius because he follows in his footsteps and succeeds at a military career. He is very disappointed in Lucius, but claims that “at least he’s not Gaius”. Highly misogynistic and homophobic, and quite a womanizer.

im trying to avoid anything controversial n racist so im keeping all the enslaved characters "white" (not how they saw race but whatever), mostly greek and gaulish, which were v common. Diotima will probably b a main character. she is the oldest one, and practically raised the children. she doesnt give a fuck anymore. she literally says to lucius one time 'theres nothing ur parents can do to me that they havent already done' (after he said they would get mad at her). her father was a prominent scholar in Greece, and he named her after a character in plato's symposium. he and his family were enslaved after he tried to lead a rebellion against the romans. she is extremely intelligent and has a vast range of knowledge about philosophy, literature, history, etc. its just that nobody knows this bc they didnt care to ask.

[frogfaced-wheeler]

I know the mike initiating a kiss or making the first move is a popular thing among bylers but i dont think that would be/should be the case AND HERES WHY 🤓☝ *mcyter with lists voice* (i get sidetracked so bear with me)

For starters; we've come to a conclusion that mike has internalized homophobia and there's plenty of evidence to back this up, he wants to be "normal" and in the 80s being gay was abnormal, this is a commonly known thing that's mentioned a lot amongst bylers and its precisely the reason i dont think mike would be the one to make the first move

Mike does everything in his power to be a normal person which is why i think he was willing to lie to el so easily in season 3

This is where i get sidetracked but really its just backup analyzing for this

Before gay marriage was legal, lavender marriages were everywhere or at least a fairly common thing, in case you dont know lavender marriages are marriages that were used to cover the sexuality of one or both of the people getting married, which i think ties in with mike and els dynamic (will get to that later)

Mike uses el as a cover or a way to be normal, its what he grew up around and its what he saw on tv gay relationships just werent considered normal

In season 3 mike lies to el so he can continue to see her, to continue to have a cover or something that convinces him hes "normal", and all they really did was make-out because "thats what couples do"

You have the season 3 rain fight which ive seen multiple people mention that mike was blatantly reflecting but ive never seen anyone explain it more - will says something about mike and el (seemingly) constantly kissing, referring to el as "a stupid girl" and while mike did defend el, he couldve just left it at "els not stupid", "its not my fault you dont like girls" did not need to be there. He felt like will was seeing through the amount of effort he had been putting into normal and panicked, saying something he didnt mean and we can visibly see he didnt mean it

In season 4 theres the rollerrink fight, another instance where mike says something he didnt mean or like to say - will complains about mike not sending him letters whereas el has "a whole book of them", mike tells him "thats because shes my girlfriend" to which will asks "and us?" Which mike once again saw as will seeing through mike and he panicked, feeling the need to clarify that theyre just friends and wont be more, wills follow up shows hes more upset mike doesnt treat him like theyre best friends than the idea of them dating, wills already accepted the idea that mike doesnt like him the way he likes mike

The letters isnt because mike didnt want to talk to will, he most definitely tried (sitting by the phone and whining about joyce being on the phone all the time making it busy) but its because EVERYONE in hawkins knows who will is and theyll hear about it him growing up, hes the boy who was dead for a week and came back literally all over the newspapers as "zombie boy"

Mike would not be able to get away with being seen as "normal" while writing and receiving letters from another boy, especially if someone found out because for all he knows they could be the wrong person and suddenly all the work he puts into being "normal" has been washed away

With all that said; mike and will both have internalized homophobia on different ends, will knows and accepts it knowing he cant change it but he also hates it, and mike knows but denies it - i dont think mike would be the one to make the first move, i think it would be will

Idk thats it thats all i got

Will byers making the first move 🙏🙏

[schizophilus]

“fenrir are you FUCKING STUPID”

“MAGAWWUFHUHUHGU YYOU…DID YOU SAY YES!!?!? ..ghguughhghg.h.uuhuhgh.h.g.h. ”

“YES????”

(more doodles below jus bear w the ramblings pls)

This is when Fenrir asked for Aventurine to teach him avgin-sigonian for his Masters in linguistics - it took him a lot of courage to do it because Aventurine has a 50/50 chance when it comes to asking about his Avgin heritage, he either feels like 10 bajillions daggers and his ancestors coming to beat his ass or he feels appreciated and seen for his dead culture and this gambler is the only man fenrir couldn’t read fully.

fenrir is not the type to gamble, so of course he came up with a plan

They started out normally but fenrir keeps beating around the bush to kind of get aventurine pissed off so that he couldn’t feel sad, like too focused on being angry to hate himself type shit. As they are, they’d probably end up in a fist fight cuz yk, if you got recycled, youll still get the marks of what you once were (talia lore) the question dropped in the middle of the fight and aventurine just said yes on a whim- fenrir broke down and just be liek ‘HELL YEAH VASHA YOURE THE GOAT’

— THEYRE MY EVERYTHING IM GOING TO DIEEE (colored + full + no beating each others up version) - lil writing below too :3

i know i talk a lot about how caring fenrir is towards aventurine most of the time but that isn’t really how they act “canonically” UHGF

Theyre bicker, pester and shit. theyre the only one who can get under each other’s skin and sometimes their little momentarily bantering do distract their self esteem bc they lowk find the other person more annoying (when the suicide hotline hung up on u and ure too confused/pissed to kys typa dynamic). they act petty and would often annoy the other but would never say a bad word and would still do anything to save them. because in the end, fenrir and aventurine still considered each other family (old married couple with early love beef) considering their journey through talia together.

they still know that the reason why they found comfort in each other so easily despite all the tension is because, really, they are the same side of two coin. They are each other’s foil, they emphasize each other’s character - which is something both fenrir and aventurine HATE (self-loathe hell yeah jigsaw) but also they found that there are also others with the same wound.

They bite each other, but its their teeth that stopped the bleeding.

(or more like they bite each other’s open wound in hope to hurt the other, but actually found that the scars are from the same pair of teeth and found comfort that they don’t have to bite themselves to stop the bleeding anymore)

(do u get it pls cuz aventurine has the same pair of teeth as his masters because he probably learn more from his old master than his parents cuz he spent more time with the masters than his family haha - applies to fenrir too ahahahahaha)

i feel aventurine is charming and he compliments everyone bc thats gonna get them to grow on him - yk ppl likes compliments. if theyre not affected by compliments? money. if theyre one of those “i dont like compliments and money” he’ll just act crazy, putting himself on the line and bending them to his will by other forms of manipulation. i don’t feel like aventurine values relationship because he doesn’t even value himself, which is an important factor in a healthy relationship (regardless of romance or not). Most of his connections would mostly be transactional and he does have very few people he kept by - Dr Ratio, Trailblazer, etc.

Fenrir? he hates himself too much for compliments to work. he’s too talented to need money and he’s also a master when it comes to manipulation. As they are, same sides of two coins. fenrir has the same issue with aventurine, none of his tactics worked, he couldn’t bend aventurine to his needs so easily. so with the forced proximity, stranded in the desert with no one else but each other, they learn to co operate rather than to use one another. Both Fenrir and Aventurine would be forced to not see their relationship as transactional - and thus create a foundation for a more genuine relationship.

The only way they can break out of their habits of seeing everything being out of obligations is when they’re forced to turn their head a different way. if they were given the permission to stay, they will stay in the hellhole that they found comfort in rather than the ground where they can walk freely because they never learned to walk without the weights - they will fall because they can’t balance themselves.

—

“only a madman can beat a master.” what if theyre both madmen?

“genius on the left, lunatic on the right?” what if they’re a genius because they’re a lunatic who manage to prove the crazy theories and the other is a lunatic because they’re a genius who can come up with the crazy theories without answers?

what if theyre the death of me

[summerlycoris]

Fuck i hate my job. Im the only fucking worker who does shit with one of the girls. (Despite honestly hating her but thats neither here nor there.) And got "putting things in the 'too hard' basket" by my manager today.

Because we were 0 for 2 on picking up staff groceries-

I hadn't succeeded at picking them up last week when I took customer girl with me, because they were at a different shopping centre than usual, and the workers there told us there was no order.

And this week got called by a coworker before shift- she didnt want to take customer girl to pick up the groceries, so asked me to grab them on the way in. Cool. Okay. I'm starting my shift there though im not going early. She was cool with that.

Get there (technically yesterday) and there was no order apparently. Cool cool cool 0 for 2 this sucks.

Anyway. I see an email boss lady had sent out when i get to work saying to pick up the order. Send back saying i tried, we were 0 for 2. Also the escalators at new shop are bad- and the first trip was kinda dangerous for customer girl because she went down the up escalator (reversed due to repairs) and could run into people or hurt herself. Suggested ordering at a different shopping centre.

Get an email back later with, well, telling me i should take the order email with me next time, try the elevator next time, (customer girl is very rigid mentally, and stronger than most people in her weightclass- me included. I do not see how that'll work, if trying to pull her to the opposite escalator didn't work. And telling me not to put this in the too hard basket.

Ex fucking scuse me? Bitch, I am the ONLY FUCKING PERSON HERE WHO TRIES WITH THIS GIRL IN THE FIRST PLACE. im not putting it in the 'too hard' basket- im being pragmatic. Nobody's gonna want to do this, if we stay married to shopping at THIS SPECIFIC shopping centre. Can we just. Fucking make shit easier for my coworkers who 1. Are incompetent. And 2. Like to pass off their work to me.

But i can't send something like that in an email even if i decussify it. It sounds conceited. And rude no matter which way you slice it.

Ultimately, I need to just not let my coworkers pass the buck. If they ring asking me to grab something on the way in, say no. If they don't fill out their stupid behavior charts before shift ends, dont do it for them. But thats hard- I just kinda roll with it in the moment. I want people to like me. I want to be useful.

But this was the problem at my last job- taking on responsibilities while my coworkers sit back and do nothing.

And like. I also sit back and do nothing at work! I alternate between doing nothing and something though- which seems to be whats missing.

And-god. Ive seen the posts on here. I dont get paid any better for trying harder with the girls. For trying to help my coworkers. Jobs just grind people to dust that they can sell.

I guess it doesnt matter- ill be likely working elsewhere when i move away anyway. So this job isn't a forever job. Its just until the dry season.

I dont know where im going with this. Just- fuck it was irritating me and i can't sleep even though i really SHOULD sleep.

I might try to do some writing first idk.

Also i fucking hate visitors to the service so much theyre always a surprise somehow even when i read about them in the coms book.

Probably will call in for thursday and fridays work because honestly this place sucks for my mental health. I dont think screaming about how much i want to die while the girls are in bed is good for their mental health either.

[allthelightsarestars]

AtlaS media review #1 Happy Threshold Day

I have decided to do media reviews

It is threshold day so I will start by reviewing Threshold, the episode of Star Trek Voyager This is my summary of the episode threshold PURELY from memory, do not correct me if i am wrong, i do not care i will not read it because i despise threshhold and therefore summarizing parts of it incorrectly hurt it and please me. CW for at the very least extremely dubious consent in a sexual encounter, bad writing, salamander TF fetish ( I THINK) and breeding It is about an attempt to make a shuttle that can enter transwarp, ie go faster than warp 10 so that they can make voyager go faster than warp ten so they can go home faster The shuttle does go faster than warp ten but after he returns, tom paris, starts getting sick and nobody can figure out whats wrong with him. That might be partially because voyagers doctor is a fucking hologram, but its actually not that because hologram doctor is actually one of the most competent doctors Anyway, Tom starts to turn into a.. lizard? salamander? some kind of reptphibian man creature because the transwarp dimension.. thing that he went into accelerated his evolution. You might say "but thats stupid, humans wouldnt go FORWARD into reptiles or amphibians we evolved from them" but shut up voyager is voyager and voyager hates you Now lizard tom has decided that he needs to make a lizard wife so that he can have babies, he breaks out of his restraints somehow and kidnaps captain janeway so that they can go into the transwarp shuttle to go into transwarp again so that they can become lizards. Or salamanders. Again, i dunno, its both, maybe neither, this episode is bad Ok so theyre in the shuttle, theyre lizards, they come out of transwarp, they fly away. The enterprise chases after them, they find them on the planet. Yeah they went to a planet. Well, now theyre lizards, like not like lizard guys like actual lizards. Newts whatever. The apex of human evolution is just a big lizard, or a salamander. Its not like a guy, either like just salamanders, they might not even be sentient, they certainly couldnt talk, anyway they had babies. Yep babies. Janeway is married and not interested in tom paris so this implies that tom paris lizard fucked janeway lizard without her consent Maybe they evolved beyond consent, thats the level of writing of early voyager. a few episodes before this, alien guy fieri (who has a child bride and i hate him) gets his fucking lungs stolen, yep, stolen, like they just zap them out of him and try to sell them. Its like that asdf bit "oops, he stole my lungs" but for real, anyway threshold Neelix should die, i hate him, i hate him so fuking much. Hes star trek jar jar but the bad parts of jar jar in that he exists to be for comic relief in a series that already has good comedy just from chemistry and does not need a clown, i dont know why he exists. Oops i said anyway threshold. Back on topic. So now they have babies, yep, babies, on the planet. The rest of the crew get the lizard captain and the lizard tom and they delizard them, how, i dont remember, i think its a beam. Its probably radiation. I could watch threshold again to find out, but i value my time and more than that i value my sanity So they have them cured, so they leave, you might say i didnt say they took the babies. Because they didnt, they left them there, on the planet, with the planets existing ecosystem, alien human lizard guys, salamanders? again please someone tell me what these fucking things are because hes a lizard as a human but they are salamanders when they are fully lizard You might say "but haley that violates the prime directive thats going to cause untold ecological damage, thats incredibly irresponsible they have an obligation to interfere and stop this" i tried to say that too but neelix tried to grab my butt and the writer kicked me in the balls and spit in my mouth, so apparently thats just where we end it This episode is bad and it literally made me quit watching Voyager so I do not know if voyager is good or bad 0/10 stars

[cookiedocinha]

Haii pooks! I have a few questions about your ocs' relationship cuz i love it and find it interesting ( //^ w ^// )

1 ) how do they handle things when theyre suspicious the other is cheating? Are they usually emotional or resonable? How far and privacy crossing would they go to prove its true/false?

2 ) would they rather let their marriage be known publicly or keep it between themselves?

3 ) how do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they act towards the other during a disagreement? And how much alone time do they need away from the other?

Haiii bestie!! ^ ^ I'll explain this with some "spoilers", but it doesn't mean it's useless to the (upcoming) story, because I'll develop it better soon (I'm like, throwing crumbs to a flock of pigeons lmaooo, also get ready for the big ass text)

1) Let's start from the most reasonable to the most emotional.

Theodore is not the type of person to act impulsively, especially because he hates leaving the situation worse than before, so all he does is try to stay calm and question the person when he is feeling "confident". Now Myles is much more impulsive and tries to act without thinking in a desperate way, as if it were the end of the world. So he will obviously want to play "detective" and invade someone's privacy, like looking at someone's cell phone without permission. And also a very high probability of him just assuming things without investigation and becoming paranoid.

But if you are talking about both of them already in a relationship (what many people probably don't know but a little ahead of the lore, they were already in a romantic relationship) It would be very difficult for one to distrust the other since they trust each other a lot (plot reasons, I won't talk about that 😊) but I know you want an answer, so if that happens, Myles would "try" to stay calm and try to talk to Theodore at some point patiently. And the same thing for otherwise.

2) Maybe just at the beginning, when they are still getting used to it (since neither of them has been married before) and after a few months they wouldn't mind it so much.

3) You know when a cat and a dog are together? That's basically it. They usually have very different opinions or problem-solving approaches, or sometimes something stupid happens and they end up arguing, but it's not always something very aggressive, just an argument or disagreement. And the time it takes them to recover from an argument usually varies depending on the severity, and can last a few days?? Yeah, yk, it's nothing very easy to deal with.

But yeah hope u like it! Like and subscribe/j

And I also hope that people who didn't know them very well weren't too surprised, also, hiii

[mjammies]

Can someone come and collect Apsen (the Elite)

rereading the selection series havent read it since probably high school. i am currently reading the elite and here are my thoughts for a couple chapters. new developments as ive gotten older, 1) I hate america with every fiber in my being and 2) apparently im team maxon now. Things that havent changed, 1) grammar and spelling still suck and 2) too lazy to fix those issues previously mentioned. anywho here are my thoughts for the elite ch 11-13

Ch  11

Post rodding incident:

-marlee and carter are together and miss thing is still mad

-doesnt see how canning is merciful over dying 

-Oppression olympics!! Trying to tell the others they would be begging for death over rodding, girl stop

-”im sure ive experienced far worse than you” okayyy heres a cookie miss maam

-now you lunging at people cause they calling your friend names. Okayy i get it but i think this stuff is striking a cord in you. Like was that a personal attack. 

-not the nurses spreading gossippp. Lol not them ready for that girl to get jumped. As i said if it was celeste getting the beating miss thing wouldnt even bat an eye

-celeste out here putting glass in the gurlls shoes omgg

-not celeste out here hitting the help omgggg

-girlll stopp asking about marlee, she did what she did and that is the end of that. No body is moving, marlee is out living her life with her busted man.

-girllllll pick-me pick-me pick-me, you should know by now HEIS NOT LETTING YOU GO 

Like get it through your thick red skull that you could literally jump his father and he would still find a way to let you stay, like give it up unless you decide to go home you will literally be stuck in this palace forever so hang it up NEOW.

-out of all the people you dont trust and its maxon like girl stop

Ch12

-here come aspen, rolls eyes 

-a date?! Are you kidding me. Aspen kys pls, thank you 

- im ready for this castle to blow up 

-”we might get caught” I SURE HOPE SO

-”if you ever want to seek around the palace im the guy to do it with” OKAYYY BOTH OF YALL KYS THEN cause what 

-”i was still worried, but i needed to be comforted so badly” okay so your also a w****

-not aspen tryna sabotage. YOU CANNOT COMPETE WITH A PRINCE, HANG IT TF UP ASPEN

-yall thinking he gon do the ole bait and switch. Start beating on that girl as soon as the vows are read or something

-” i feel so stupid” YOU SHOULD 

-”i couldnt imagine being with anyone else” buttt…… dont you marry her maid so…..

-”im really sorry maxon turned out to be such a bad guy.” HUH! Whatthehellyouisyoutalmbout

When did we decide he was a bad guy, when did the council come to THAT decision 

-”maxons hold on me was slipping away” the hold of a PRINCE is slipping away.. Okay pack it  up ELECTRIC CHAIR for yous BOTH

-brooo they caught yall in a closet plz bffr

-loll they called miss girl a clown thats so funny 

-see now theyre both treasonous talm bout tried to release her during her canning, now youre in last place with the nation 

-”make sure shes worthy” WELL I CAN TELL YOU WHO ISNT! WITH A QUICKNESS TOO

Ch13

-“The king was expecting me to fail” you know what, if i was the king id want you to fail too lmao

-”I ran from the room��� -1000000000 aura points, toughen up plzzzz

-”when aspen slid my door open that night” the way i would be standing there waiting on him with a gun cause have you lost your MINDDDD

-”you know who you are dont let anyone try to change you” broo nobody like America BUT YALL

-”all you know how to do is play the piano? Suddenly you’re supposed to know how to do clerical work” bruhhh do yall think sitting at a desk is going to kill you like PLZZZZ -broo what is he gonna do with these pennies

-first pennies now buttons mad face

-oh so it sacrifices what you want, is that it!!! It is cause he has nothing else to give????!!!?!?!?!?

-”Apsen’s generosity was harder to see because it wasnt as grand as Maxon’s, but the heart behind what he gave was so much bigger” SO….. youre telling me that if maxon gave you a STICK then it would mean more to you

[horseracetests]

im sorry my tumblr followers who dont know me im mad rn, im just rambling mad under a readmore again thanksss

listen its not that i need to be dating someone im just chilling. in fact rn i would not want to date anyone.

but i HATEEEE HATE seeing people say shit like "You dont need anyone, you should learn to be happy without someone else in ur life! why do you need someone else! just be happy without that!" well damn sue me for wanting someone to deeply love me who i deeply love back!! why is that such a bad thing to want!! obviously if you cant function without being in a relationship that's not good, but people always say that shit to someone going "i feel unlovable and like no one will ever want me" and it feels so meanspirted!! damn!!

its been like almost a year since i got ghosted and i know its annoying to hear people complain abt the same thing over and over again. but its just HARD bcus i feel stupid, and used. i really thought my ex was like, THE person, we talked abt getting married and how we'd combine our last names, abt moving in together, supported each other through everything. when i was in inpatient this person called me almost everyday i was there to say hi and check in on me. i thought my future involved them and then they just dropped me without even an explanation. never in a million billion years did i think that would happen (outside of my bad brain telling me it would, which, well i was right so LOL) bcus they were my best friend of 8 years!!

and its scary bcus it makes me think there must be something wrong with me/"how could anyone ever love me when even the person who dated me for 6 years didnt". and people always say things like "you haven't met everyone who will care about you yet" but what if i have, and my one chance at having a relationship i was so happy in was ruined bcus the other person is a self-obsessed asshole who lied to my face abt so much for who KNOWS what reason. WHATEVER.

i feel like when i make posts like this i come off as an insane person in the "no wonder they broke up with you" way, but i promise im actually normal ive just been very emotionally ripped to shreds by a very bad breakup. barely a breakup bcus it was over TWITTER DM. whatever im just gonna be one of those people that obsesses over fictional characters so much i think were in a relationship.

i just rlly rlly wonder what their reasoning for doing this to me was and if they feel bad abt it. or if they think its funny, or if they just dont care. i also wonder if they think they can just message me one day and apologize and think itll be okay (i dont think this will happen, i used to but i dont anymore)

i lean towards they just dont care, i doubt they even think about what they did lol. i mean i HOPE they feel bad, but i dont think thats true. id be shocked if i ever heard from them again which is just, crazy. 8 years of knowing someone and it ends like that through no fault of your own. i wish i had a screenshot of the break up dm id post it in a heartbeat so anyone who actually read this far would feel whiplash like i do. (filled to the brim with "i love you so much" "i feel horrible for hurting you and i hate that im doing it" "i really care about you" "i hope you stay in my life bcus youre my best friend").

and it makes me really sad bcus OFC we would have stayed friends, i loved them so much that while id be sad abt breaking up i would still want them in my life. (WE EVEN TALKED ABT HOW IF WE BROKE UP WE ALWAYS THOUGHT WE'D STAY FRIENDS). but even in my fantasy world where they reach out after a few years all apologetic and guilty i just couldnt do it anymore.

one more but i don't understand what would compel someone to say all that knowing theyre lying and dont give a fuck about you, like it only comes off as evil and fucked up and cruel to me, so how else am i supposed to take that.

[circus-clownn]

king please rant about how you view mime/mole, thank you <3333

i don't know how i can actually put this into words, it kinda just appears in my mind sometimes ALSO IM WRITING THIS ON THE SPOT IN THIS ASK soooo

I'm just gonna explain this however I do, and hope it comes out right??

they're dating but also literally not, but they hate each other but it's one sided and yeah

mime thought he was interesting so she followed him around constantly "asking" for help with simple stuff, and because of this he grew to practically hate her, mostly because he's just a tired man who can't see and can barely hear

but also mime grows feelings for him I guess??? and so she's also stupid and lovesick. they go on dates but don't actually date, they celebrate their anniversary though it was never official, and if someone asks what their relationship is you'll either get a "married " or "divorced"

they're complicated but it also is working for them and they understand what isn't logical, because mime doesn't know logic because she doesn't need to

anyways theyre sooo stupid and i don't know what to tell you

he also treats her like a hurt dog you found on the road. he'll like have to hold her mouth shut but gently, and like calm her down as he like, gives her shots

also bad, i have to add this part because they still don't have a YAYYY happy relationship, they're still soo organs spilt, drunk at a minibar.

anyways that's my opinion, and I'm not right but I'm right to me

[arillusionist]

s&b season2ep4 reaction!! book update: i finished seige and storm. it was lwk boring and im literally so mad bc alina deserves SO much better than mal hes such a hoe. anyways

help whats going on i kinda forgot what happened in the last episode

time to go read my own reaction

HELL NAH ITS BEEN A WHOLE WEEK SINCE I WATCHED THIS SHOW?? anyways i kinda remember the last ep now but my reaction is mostly crows stuff so it wasnt That helpful

ANYWAYS

even though mal is muchhhhhh better in the show i like the direction theyre taking with alina actually marrying nikolai

then again i havent read the kos duology (yet) so i dont know anything abt his real romance story so thats probably why i dont mind

stop mal telling alina shes his nation is so cute unlike in the books

and the way they actually do have some chemistry?? im sorry for ever hating you show malina 😔😔

is that the brother i cant tell

why does baghra lwk piss me off ...i cant tell if its because she wont stfu or because shes js boring

GENYA ☹️☹️

🥱🥱

FINALLY

"it'll give me some comfort to know you're with me" ohhhdhfmyygodddd and then her smile ahhhh

i cant tell if inej is mistaking kaz telling her to leave the city as him wanting her gone, when in reality hes js tryna protect her

or if shes just not promising it because she cant

theyre so complicated they make me sick (i love them 😭😭😭)

AWW THE I LIKE YOUR STUPID FACE LINE its different but whatever

WAITT JESPER BASICALLY CALLED HIM AND KAZ BROTHERS AND KAZ DIDNT EVEN DISAGREE?? HE LITERALLY AGREED

no cuz i actually thought kaz was gnna punch him or something but thats nice

no mourners no funerals 🙏🙏

NINA DECKING KAZ HELL YEAH I NEEDED TO SEE THAT

Dont take this as me disliking kaz btw hes my 2nd favorite character i js need to see him being put in his place

i have the most out of pocket thing to say but im not gnna say it

there are two heartrenders right there why dont they just check his pulse to see if hes lying

oh now they do it

i feel like maybe this is how they incorporate the crows into alina's plot - they'll ask them to find the sword since theyre criminals and know more than just the "wider black market"

IM LITERALLY A GENIUS HELLO????

NOT ME PREDICTING IT LIKE 2 SECONDS BEFORE HE SAYS IT

they cant just show kaz and nina for two seconds and then cut to another scene hello

OH NVM its an inej scene 🙏🙏

its so dark i can barely tell whats happening

oh they did the pox thing too they really taking half of crooked kingdom's plot huh

yeah now they decide to explain the plan

kaz is actually being so much like book kaz in this scene

"the trick is not to love anything" YEAH YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT... and with nina in the background too?? i wish inej was here tho like in the books

i think shes busy saving those randos

"something you'd sacrifice everything for and it makes you weak" stop projecting

SIX FEET DEEP

see inej really needs to be here now nina and jesper kinda know his backstory but she doesnt

then again its more meaningful if he tells her on his own time

HIS SMIRK

"im begging you" "are you?" hes not begging but i can

sorry

HIM ASKING FOR THE QUITCLAIM DEED FOR INEJ 🥺🥺 him liquifying everything he owns in the books is still better tho

THE LOOK IS HIS EYES - this is not freddy carter acting as kaz this is LITERALLY kaz

lmfaoo the offended look on toyla's face

WHYD THAT ACTUALLY SCARE ME (the guy sneaking up behind mal)

ok so i have a class so i'll watch the rest later

im backkk

seeing that vasily guys face after a few hours is such a jumpscare like why is he so ugly

bruh i jus realized theyre not gonna do the thing where inej cuts a line above pekkas heart 😐another kanej moment wasted

hjdkfk wylan hiding under the table when jesper asks him out

this conversation is so awkward i keep pausing it 😭

its cute tho

omg just kiss already the tension is getting to me

finally!!! 🙏🙏

WAIT FUCK I JS REALIZED THATS ANOTHER MOMENT WASTED CUZ THEY CANT DO THE JESPER KISSING THE WRONG GUY THING IF THE SPINOFF HAPPENS

im not really liking how they did wesper anyways.... with the whole one night stand thing... 😐

ok. yeah. wow. go from super cute fluffy wesper to kanej angst. yeah. remind me of what i dont have.

kaz saying that theres a weak link in the crew and inej thinks it means her but hes actually talking ab HIMSELF because shes his weakness and shes the person he would sacrifice everything for and AUGHHH

the difference between the show and the books when kaz gives her the paper is crazy

wish they had kept the book's scene fr

waittt is nikolai adopted??

oh he is

tamar and nadia definitely have something going on its already canon that nadia is into girls so!!

did the vasily guy die i hope he did 🙏🙏

why didn't baghra just. do that before. yk BEFORE she got her damn finger cut off

"your obsession with the fold is naive" is bro talking about alina or himself

and thats it watch me wait another week again before watching the next episode 💀

[winderlylandchime]

1/2We are officially on 3x13! He legit ran into the house, sat on the couch and like tapped it and didnt let me do anything else before.

‘Look at Brian all dramatic and sexy. OH LOOK AT BOTH OF THEM ALL DRAMATIC AND SEXY. Oh shit the cop didnt show? I forgot about that. Of course he looked hot Brian. It’s Justin’ ‘WHO THE FUCK IS KNOCKING ALL THE DAMN TIME AT HIS PLACE? (hunter shows up) ITS MY BOY HUNTER! HES ALIV- A CONDOM?! Hunter…i am both impressed and traumatized. (And justin showed up) aw they canceled gay as blaz- thats brians shirt! OH WAIT TILL HUNTER FINDS OUT THEY ARE MARRIED IN MY HEART’ the best scene of the episode is now up *starts hysterically laughing and rewinds it 2 times* ‘HE FUCKED A MURDERED!! MHM HE HAS A BOYFRIEND! OH HE SAID YEAH! *pauses tv* HE SAID YEAH! HE FUCKING SAID YEAH! I know season 1 Brian is sick to his stomach somewhere out there. BUT ME? I AM HAPPY AS EVER! HE HAS A BOYFRIEND! (brian kinda defends hunter or whatever) i fuck with this duo! They could have weird uncle/nephew potential…..if hunter just stops trying to fuck Brian.’ That scene between Em/Ted is up where they’re having sex ‘oh no. Ted no. Stop. TED, Emmett baby, YOU NEED TO RUN! I feel bad cause i like Ted but damn it Em RUN, i think there’s no saving him. TED STOP! Oh Emmett is breaking my heart, i cant watch this. ted is killing me.’ ‘HI BRIAN! GIVING A USED CONDOM TO A COP IS A DIFFERENT LEVEL OF ICONIC. I love this guy *points to the screen* i love you. *randomly stops ep on Brian and just stares at him for a minute* yeah’ *continues the ep* ‘THEY WERE PARTNERS? Of course they were. I fucking hate cops. Can we get rid of them in this show? Isnt it enough theyre already out there *points to window* ‘fuck, justin is in trouble..THATS RIGHT HIM AND BRI BRI WERE BOYFRIENDS BEFORE! he kinda did fuck the boss, didnt he? Good for you, Blondie! (Justin says that if its any consolation he was doing a kick ass job) *stops tv and starts laughing and literally falls back in the couch with his feet up in the air and kicks them* yes, you were doing a kick ass job! APOLOGIZE? Bitch, fuck you and your apology.’ Scene with Mel/Linds/Mikey comes on and all he says is ‘this is so fucking weird…and dumb’ Mikey asks Em when hes gonna apologize to Mel: ‘this is a little fucked up. I mean yeah, it was rude but she also should apologize to him because she has no fucking right to say that to him…*he then goes silent for a really long time*…you know who would’ve appreciated Em calling her a cunt? Brian. He’d laugh.’ ‘Oh Emy. No don’t defend Ted! No no no, you need to save yourself please baby boy! I love you too much to let you go like this!’ ‘BRIAN AND JUSTIN! THEYRE WALKING! Why arent they holding hands? Rude. Exactly Blondie, Bri Bri is right! Your education is important and it’s your ticket out of here! Okay, so you dont care about money but do you care about a house? Food? Health insurance? Exactly, so listen to my boy Bri Bri, and go there and apologize cause sometimes you gotta convince stupid people that they won. And finish your school cause that’s how you go places in lif- *looks at me in absolute horror* oh my god, i sound like dad. I sound like mom AND dad. OH FUCKING SHIT ON A STICK WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED? I mean brian is absolutely right but i dont wanna sound old like that so *whispers softly* fuck school’ ‘THE COP DID IT! Carl stop disappointing me! I kinda had some faith in you and then you ruined it!’ ‘BRIAN WHY ARE YOU BACK AT THE BAR? YOURE GONNA GET YOURSELF KILLED! HEY! BRIAN IS MORE THAN AN ASSHOLE. He is also pretty! shit he is not holding back, going for the kill with the photo. He actually cares a lot about this. BRIAN DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR NAME. HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN AN EPISODE OF LITERALLY ANY CRIME SHOW?! *looks at me worried* if he gets hurt…no wait, if ANYTHING happens to Brian, i will burn everything to the ground! He has been through enough! *head in his hands at this point* Bri..Baby..Brian… why are you telling him all this..damn, i forgot about the Trump wannabe. *points to tv angrily* HEY! What did i just say? Get your hands off my Bri Bri! *looks at me angrily* NOTHING better happen to him. Not now. Not later. Got it?’

OH MY GOODNESS DEAR SWEET ANON!

They could have weird uncle/nephew potential…..if hunter just stops trying to fuck Brian <- wait until brother (and Hunter) finds out Hunter is straight! I do love the Brian / Hunter dynamic so much. So many iconic lines come out from it. Including THEE SCENE with “you fucked a murderer.”

Brian would appreciate Em calling Mel a cunt. He really would.

Dyingggg over your brother turning into your parents. It comes for us all at some point. I open my mouth and my mother comes out. It’s frightening.

How sweet that your brother is so worried for Brian… but he’s the main character, nothing bad happens to him beyond cancer (with a 99% survival rate) and a broken bone and s5.

[bye-bye-firefly]

Hi!!! I’ve thought of a question! What’re your thoughts on argument scenes?

Also, unrelated but I started reading House of Leaves and like the pages are so wide. I wasn’t expecting them to be that wide, I’m scared I may accidentally wack myself with their floppiness

oh trust me house of leaves needs to be that wide. you will find out.

ok braindump below I TALK A LOT.........

as for argument scenes...i like writing argument scenes i like writing fights and spats and such and the like its so nearly my favourite BUT. it needs to happen for a reason we cant just have an argument come out of nothing AND it needs to be punchy. not like throwing fists though it can go that way but like. there has to be a reason for it right. i see a lot of argument scenes that have no business being where they are or occurring at all. and then they happen and they dont even have THE PUNCH.

so like for example in chapter 9 of nameless we get that whole fight between kaito and shuichi. the whole point of an argument is that its physical but without physicality. you want to back your opponent into a corner and kaito very nearly gets there; he brings up all these things to argue his main point which is that kokichi is hurting him and eventually, hes going to hurt THEM. shuichi is putting up his defense with every point hes saying, being like kokichi cant do that, kokichi is only doing his best, i wont get hurt, you wont let us get hurt, blah blah blah and eventually, we reach a point where kaito has very nearly backed shuichi into the corner because shuichi is just throwing out insults and telling him to shut up by the end of it.

AND THEN he makes the FATAL MISTAKE of SIDE-STEPPING. in this example side-stepping would be making ANOTHER POINT and trying to ARGUE THAT ONE instead so you do a bit of a switch up. However. when you are trying to corner someone, you do not want to side-step UNLESS your opponent side-steps. is what i think. in my head. dont quote me on this dont use this in a fight the most ive done is like kickboxing. ANYWAY. kaito makes a separate point and tells shuichi that this is NOT the first time hes run off with a stranger. he completely ignores the other point he was arguing before shuichi or kokichi can break down and be like Okay I suppose youre right man ...Wow kokichi so evil NO he just starts arguing and jabbing at him with this and WHAT DOES SHUICHI DO? PUNCH HIM!!!!! and that is what ends the argument. and it would happen this way if he was physically being backed into the corner and his opponent made the same mistake. i think. dont quote me again

but arguments should always have that kind of structure. arguments are all about backing someone into a corner the only thing i can say for sure is that i need to like cut down on the exclamation marks in that section. its a little too dramatic for my tastes like looking back on it reading this section back like. they do not need exclamation points all the time i think

of course people will come out of the woodwork to say something like. well arguments in real life dont always have a purpose and yeah thats true sometimes arguments just happen and theyre stupid nothing arguments HOWEVER while writing should IMITATE life it should not BE a mirror of life. if i had to write a bunch of dumbass arguments about nothing in my work i would be like. so tired and done and braindead. like you dont have to write every single argument sometimes all you have to do is write the one stupid argument to demonstrate a point. that point might beeee. look at these guys! theyre so close theyre arguing like an old married couple! this is insane! it might be Wow these people need a fucking life or Wow they are running out of things to hate each other for or Wow. Get a room. but there should be a purpose for arguments

[seokmn]

pairing: husband!seungcheol x fem!reader

wc: 0.7k words

warnings: pet names

lua’s note: i just love seungcheol’s girls dad agenda

“crap…” seungcheol muttered to himself, biting his lower lip in frustration. he made his way to the kitchen, where you were peeling some apples, and hugged you from behind. “i have some bad news, love”

you instantly dropped the knife and turned around to face him with a worried expression, “oh lord, what happened now?”

the man sighed and gave you a weak smile, “it’s gonna rain tomorrow, a huge storm… sorry”

“what?!” you frowned, “didnt you check the weather before?”

“i did! a couple days ago.. or maybe a week ago,” he scratched the back of his neck, “im really sorry, babe”

“how are we going to tell the girls we wont go camping anymore..?” you sighed, but immediately froze as you heard a small voice, “we wont camp anymore? why? you promised we would camp!” one of your daughters said, the frustration and sadness in her voice.

“sweetie…” seungcheol was interrupted by your daughter, who started crying and ran to her bedroom, probably going to tell her sister and seek for comfort from her. soon enough, you were able to hear not only your elder daughter crying, but the younger one as well.

“i screwed up, didnt i?” seungcheol looked at you with hurt in his eyes. his worst nightmare is disappointing the women of his life, aka you and his daughters, so knowing that his careless action made his daughters cry was like being stabbed in the heart a hundred times.

you smiled and caressed his cheek, knowing how upset he was at himself, “theyre gonna forgive you, you know that” he nodded, “i know.. but im the reason theyre crying, i hate this”

he sat on the chair and rested his forehead against the table, groaning in frustration and anger, “i gotta fix this. i have to fix this” he kept the position for a few minutes before lifting his head abruptly, his eyes shining with hope. “love, i need you to leave with the kids now”

“what?” you looked at him confused, “cheol, whys that?”

“just trust me. i need you and the girls out of the house for a couple hours, take them anywhere. please” he pouted, knowing that you never refuse something if he pouts. “fine,” you groaned and tried to hide a smile, “i hate this stupid pout” you said with a hint of joke in it

seungcheol smiled and made his way to you, “thank you, youre the best.. and i know you love my pout” he kissed you before watching you make your way to the girls’ room.

-

you and the girls were at the park. you were sat on the bench watching the girls play with the other kids, completely distracted and looking like they weren’t even crying an hour ago.

you lost track of time quite easily, watching over your children and playing with them when they asked you to, so you got surprised when seungcheol texted you asking to get back home, thinking he was too fast at doing whatever he decided to do.

you called the girls out to leave and waited for them to say goodbye to the kids they were playing with.

the ride was quick, but quite loud with the girls singing and telling you how much they were curious and excited to see what their dad did for them.

once you get to your house, the girls jump out of the car and run towards the door. you laughed to yourself and opened the door, revealing a huge tent in the middle of the living room and seungcheol inside it, smiling ear to ear and with open arms. “ta-da!”

the girls gasped and shouted “daddy!” before running to hug him, making him fall back. he wrapped his arms around the girls and give a kiss on top of each girl’s head. “im sorry for ruining our weekend. i know you two were excited to go camping, but at least we can do an indoor camping!”

the girls giggled and nodded to him as you watched the heartwarming scene. he prepared everything he could for an indoor camping, just to not see his children disappointed at him. you already had no doubts that you married the right guy, but everytime he showed that his family is everything to him you couldnt help but be more confident about your decision.

he lifted his head and looked at you, “love, what are you waiting for? come in! there’s always space for you” you chuckled and got into the tent.

indoor camping was definitely not the way you thought you and your family would spend the weekend, but you couldn’t be more grateful for that. you couldn’t be more grateful for having seungcheol as your husband and as the dad of your kids.

[dear-ao3]

back with more!

-so back to 2016 Briefly. i need you all to know that nico did Bonkers shit to win. this was pre driver weight minimum restrictions so to get weight off the car (so he could go faster) he took the paint off his helmet (it was previously yellow because he and lewis had yellow helmets when they karted together or something), he cut his socks, he took parts off his seat, he stopped cycling to loose muscle in his legs, he stopped sleeping with his wife to focus better and No he should Not have done this but its important to know that he Did and that was why he Stopped because he knew racing lewis was quite literally killing him and he couldnt keep at it

-and like willd shit happened that season too. notably they crashed into eachother in Barcelona and toto aparently made them pay for the damages. they had an insane teammate rivalry. one of the most insane.

-yes he is the only one to beat lewis at his peak in equal machinery

-so anyway he announces his retirement at the 2016 prize giving ceremony which was like less than a week after the championship was won

-prior to that he and lewis did a press conference together at the last race in abu dhabi and by all accounts theyre like not really getting along too well at this point and lewis spends like a whole several minutes praising nico being like yeah whatever happens happens in the race and ive loved racing with him as a teammate like we dreamed about this as kids im proud of him hes come so far blah blah blah and nicos like. in tears next to him (remember lewis didnt know that if nico won he was retiring) and nico says something about how the only thing he could manage to eat that week was fucking kellogg frosties which was the stupid cereal the two of them used to eat and yeah you all see how insane this is anyway i could go on but i will Not

-so nico retires after his first and only win to everyones surprise, lewis goes on to win 4 (or 5 depending on who you ask) consecutive titles

-nico fucks off and does his own thing for awhile, as i said hes married and he has two girls and he also has a youtube channel that he used after he left racing to pretty much like praise the shit out of lewis hamilton and his driving and whatever else

-he also returns to the paddock as a part time commentator for sky sports. which is very interesting because its pretty obvious every time that he is there that he hates pretty much everyone on the commentary team and has no regard for rules and just says whatever the fuck he wants. its pretty clear he doesnt do it for money (he has more than enough of that) but doe sit cause he actually like racing and cars and all that (its really interesting to hear him speak about the cars cause he actually knows how to explain things well)

-this is sort of a disaster sometimes but its an interesting disaster. because on top of everything nico is fucking Smart. im pretty sure (and again none of this is fact checked) that he got into some top engineering college and decided to race instead. like the things he knows about racing and cars is wild. so the normal commentators will say something and nico will be like no. incorrect. wrong. see what he did there? he lost 2 tenths on that corner. his brake balance was off. his engine mode needs adjusting. they need more downforce. or whatever. and he will be Right.

-he also just. says things. like again, theres really only so much you can reveal that is public knowledge. last weekend Alone when he was commentating on a practice session he was like hehe yeah so i have an offer in my email right now to buy part of alpine (a team which has repeatedly denied that they are Not for sale btw) and i could buy it but its too much of a disaster so im not interested. oh how much is it? why should i tell you??? oh i will anyway its a billion euros! for example.

-and then he will also call people the hell out. presently hes waging absolute war against mclaren because they refuse to distinguish a number 1 and number 2 driver and thats exactly the hot water mess that nico found himself in at mercedes with lewis (tho. as i have said. lando and oscar are NOT comparable to brocedes. no one ever was and no one ever will be again the circumstances were too insane)

-so yeah. he shows up in a cunty weird and kind of ugly outfit (usually consisting of several different shades of white), takes a picture in front of a team or a person or makes a prediction that curses someone (unless its lewis lewis is immune to the curse), says bonkers shit, prasies lewis hamilton live on air and then leaves

-and yeah he still praises the hell out of lewis and talks about how incredible of a driver he is and this and that and knows literally his driving style inside out and backwards (the clips of him commentating on lewis laps are insane) but despite this lewis will not talk about him, will not even mention him, will actually go out of his way to not mention him (for the Record i am obligated to put here that i dont think lewis owes nico anything at all whatsoever and i am not saying that he does, but this is a post about nico not lewis) meanwhile nicos like has anyone talked about lewis recently? has anyone pulled out an insane career stat of his that is slightly obscure? cause i will and ill do it right now

-and they live in the same apartment building in monaco but apparently dont speak to eachother because of how awful the teammate thing was but every now and then nico will drop some insane piece of lore that has everyone going hold on wait fucking What (like that lewis gets his kids presents at christmas)

-but yeah other than that hes like busy being a girl dad and posting on his favorite social media platform (LinkedIn) (yes i am serious) and spends a lot of time advocating for the environment and figuring out how to make f1 and cars better for the planet and all that and yes he also had a terrible botox era that we wont talk about but yeah overall. insane man. absolutely insane. no ones ever done it like him and no one ever will again.

photos for context:

nico and lewis gokarting

nico at williams in his peak britney era:

the nico lewis first podium that kills everyone:

nico at mercedes:

some fuck ass mercedes pr:

nico serving cunt at the paddock this year:

and if youre really enthralled, this highlight reel from his youtube

hey wait im also new to f1 but i saw the other ask and i was curious abt what you meant when you said no one will ever do it like nico rosberg?? also retiring after your first championship win is insane lmao what a power move

nico rosberg is just. he’s insane. he’s cunty. he’s wonderful. he possesses sass and audacity unlike any other. we unfortunately do not have time to get into his whole story (my lunch break is only so long) but here’s some highlights:

-technically he’s a nepo baby. his dad, keke rosberg, won the world championship in 1982 and they remain one of the Few father son duos to both win a world championship (don’t ask me who the others are idk but i know they exist)

-he and lewis hamilton met when they were kids in the late 90s sometime and were gokarting teammates at some point in i think the early 2000s? (not fact checking i don’t have the time rn) and they were Besties. they’ve talked about this before, mostly in older interviews, but the gist is that both of them were outcasts from the other karting kid in opposite ways (nico was the son of a champion and rich and lewis was from nothing and pretty much the only poc most of the time) and that drew them together and they were Menaces according to legend. everything was a competition and they trashed hotel rooms and ate pizza and ice cream and kellogg frosties and went to greece and dreamed of being in f1 together

-nico signed with williams in 2006. his teammate was mark webber. and nico had long flowing blonde hair (this is important). he crashed at one race and mark webber said “britney’s in the wall” cementing the nickname britney, like britney spears. jenson button (another driver) said later on that they called nico britney because he was “very pretty” (do with that what you will)

-he was just. insane. cunty. constantly looked like a european bond villain. wore god awful shoes. whole bit. once he stayed in his car when it got craned off the track cause he didn’t want his hair to get wet. which is insane cause he’s wearing a helmet it would have gotten equally as not wet had he gotten out.

-anyway, lewis made it to f1 in 2007 and they had their first podium together i think that year (?) and it’s cute and fun and oh boy you’re not ready for what these two have coming

-lewis won the championship in 2008 (but he almost won in 2007, his rookie year) at mclaren.

-nico went to mercedes when they recentered the grid in 2010. his teammate was michael schumacher, who was fresh out of retirement. (yes the michael schumacher, 7x world champion). michael fucked with nico endlessly according to legend, including making him piss in a bucket pre race because he would hog the bathroom until the last possible second. nico still out preformed him most of the time, and the car was mid as hell.

-michael retired part 2 at the end of 2012. and who replaced him but lewis hamilton

-so the two of them were teammates again. the cards were absolute Stacked against them. because yes they were besties yes they’d known eachother forever but the first person you’re judged against is your teammate. and you’re trying to beat your teammate. and lewis already had a championship. nico wanted a championship.

-2013 was relatively chill. the car was kinda mid. they did well but not fantastic and did some fuck ass pr (highly reccomend looking those videos up)

-2014 they had a car that could win. and they started fighting eachother for wins. they played all kinds of mind games against eachother and withheld stats and nico ran illegal engine modes (supposedly) and lewis said they were no longer friends after nico supposedly wrecked his monaco qualifying one year but they claimed they still supported eachother and were friends off track. lewis won in 2014 and in 2015. but nico was right behind him and he wanted to win a championship, he didn’t want to be a number 2 driver

-so in 2016 nico did some insane shit. he stopped sleeping with his wife so that he could get better sleep or something, he did weird things to cut weight, he basically did everything and then some to win. and then he did. he won the championship and then at the prize giving ceremony announced he was retiring. he didn’t tell lewis this.

more after i get off work :)