#theyre gonna be subject to my fixations

[claudemblems]

OH MAN AM I GONNA HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO MY FUTURE THERAPIST THAT I WRITE FANFIC???????

[zzombiecleo]

what love could get this vicious?

i'm only like 2 hours late technically? whoopsie daisy! here's day 4 of yuri week! obligatory @mcyt-yuri-week, please enjoy this (or not, its not everyones thing)! check it out on ao3 as well!

fandom: life series smp characters: ldshadowlady, zombiecleo, mentioned bigb+ others ship: ldshadowlady/zombiecleo additional tags: major character death, graphic depictions of violence, alternate universe - superheroes/superpowers, superhero ldshadowlady, villain zombiecleo, emotional manipulation, manipulation, manipulative relationship, unhealthy relationships, unrequited love, murder, revenge, grief/mourning, mental instability, brutal murder, theyre both fucked up in this one!, drabble, mcyt yuri week, toxic ass fuckign yuri (affectionate), soemthing something revenge something something two graves summary: a grief-stricken hero hunts an unrepentant villian — mcyt valentines yuri week day 4: grief/revenge

LDShadowlady, superhero extraordinaire, is, according to everything Cleo knows, usually quite a nice and polite hero. Sweet, bubbly, but capable of dealing with threats easily when needed.

Unfortunately, her friend BigB never seemed to have quite perfected that skill.

Probably why it was so easy to kill him, actually.

Look, Cleo is well aware that she’s a horrible person! It’s her whole thing! She’s a villain for a reason, people! Killing someone who betrayed her the way BigB did is really not that big of a deal. She has done domestic terrorism before, murdering one random hero is not her worst crime. Yet, it seems that it’s the one that LDShadowlady has fixated on. Or, rather, the one Lizzie has fixated on.

Maybe she’s just upset about Cleo’s whole ‘tricking you into finding me sympathetic, making you fall in love with me so hard that you start spying on other heroes for me and then murdering your best friend in front of you after I got what I needed’ thing. Actually, not gonna lie, that does sound like the most likely reason Lizzie is currently on a one woman hunt for Cleo’s head. Attached or otherwise. In Cleo’s defence, what kind of hero actually falls in love with a villain. Also, the little shit deserved it. Maybe if he didn’t leave her for dead, they wouldn’t have killed him.

Joe always tells her she’s very vindictive. He also often tells them it’s one of their best traits. So, realistically, this is fine. This is fine.

Okay, so maybe the whole ‘pretending to date her’ thing was a teeny bit mean, even for them. Especially when she did it to one of the top heroes in the country. Cleo is, to be honest, screwed. Completely and utterly screwed. Apparently grieving and vengeful superheroes don’t tend to be very delicate when it comes to dealing with threats like, let’s say, a villain ranked #5 most wanted in the country. A villain like Zombie.

Cleo is standing on the roof of an apartment building, a cool night time breeze blowing her hair back, the only sounds the distant cars far below. It rained earlier so everything’s wet and they’re left to stand. She’s pondering all her life decisions, trying to figure if it was worth it. Just as she’s deciding that yes, revenge was in fact worth them being hunted by a pissed off hero, she hears a faint splash of something stepping in a puddle behind her.

Spinning around, she’s greeted by pink hair and a tear stained face. Lizzie. Fantastic. Just wonderful! Everything is fine!

“You!” Lizzie snarls, “You bloody monster!”

“I mean, I think that’s very subjective.” Cleo says, desperately wishing they actually told her friends where they were going today.

“Oh my gosh, I-” She stops and smiles, something dangerous and just a little unhinged hiding in her expression, “You know what? I really want to see you die!”

She launches herself at Cleo, not even bothering to use her little flower power to attack, going in with her bare hands. They smile and dodge. Despite the lies, fighting with Lizzie always felt like a dance. This will be fun! As long as they don’t die, obviously.

Lizzie swings wildly at them, nailing a solid punch on her jaw. Her eyes are wide with prominent bags and she doesn’t seem to be wearing her comms or the legally required camera that all heroes should have. That’s not good. But it’s fine. It’s all fine.

“I can’t believe I trusted you! You lied to me and I trusted you! I-” Cleo backs up and Lizzie slips in pursuit, grabbing their leg on her way down and dragging them along, “I bloody loved you, do you get that?! How could you?”

Lizzie climbs on top of her, keeping them on the ground and murmurs “The worst part is that I still bloody do! Because I’m stupid. And you’re beautiful. And you knew exactly what to say every time. I can’t believe I fell for you, for all your stupid lies!”

Cleo finally struggles free and throws Lizzie off of her and takes several steps back, wishing they kept comms on them.

“When you- When I saw you k-kill him, it didn’t quite hit and my first thought was about blummin’ heck, it was about helping you cover it up! You charmed that bloody badly, trained me like a blummin’ dog!” She stands, her costume dirty and wet, hands shaking, and they take some more steps back, “Can you even imagine how much I loved you? How much I still do because you know, I told you, that I hate letting go of people? You bloody monster. Did you ever even care?”

“LDShado-”

“Don’t! You know my name. I know you do, Cleo. Don’t be shy now.”

“Fine. Lizzie, then. What I figure is, I figure you’re real mad right now and- Well. You have the right to be, okay? I messed up, is what I’m saying. But I promise th-” They just wanted to buy some time, spout some of that bullshit Lizzie loves and get out. Clearly they didn’t say the right thing, not this time. No charming their way out now.

“No! No, no, no!” She lurches forward and grabs Cleo by the shoulders. “Oh no, you don’t! If you won’t say anything important. Then- Oh my gosh, then I suppose I can just cut to the chase!”

Lizzie pushes, far harder than they’ve ever felt prior and they land on the ground. Hard. Lizzie flips in her in a smooth move and grabs the back of her hair. They struggle but she won’t let go and the realisation strikes that no, everything is not fine, and that they never said bye to Joe when she left earlier and she left Scott on read and Stress was meant to drop by tomorrow and-

They realise the last thing they’ll ever see is the dirty concrete. The last voice they’ll hear is someone’s who loved them far more than they even thought of her. Will her friends even know what happened? There was so fucking much Cleo wanted to do! They wanted to tear down all this corrupt bullshit and have fun doing it! But now-

“I’m gonna avenge BigB. And myself. And my bloody heart! All in one!”

Nothing will come of any of it now, will it?

Then Lizzie pulls their head back and slams it into the concrete. And then does it again. Again. Again. Again, again, again againagainagainagain-

When the authorities arrive all that is left is a woman wailing and the unrecognisable remains of someone she thought was her forever.

[hwsforeignrelations]

As a hobby sketchbooker, its a favorite pasttime to go chronologically through old sketchbooks and note improvement. Im gonna supplement the rant below with old art, cuz its relevant and i think they're neat

I accidentally deleted my old tumblr like five months ago which held a similar sentiment (*SOB* but no use crying over split milk)

I see a lot of fan artists getting burnt out. I see a lot of Hetalia artists stay for a bit, then leave for other fandoms (higher pastures, if u will). I use to not understand. How did people become bored so fast?!?!

Ive never been one to switch interests quickly. I was solidly leg deep in my superhero phase 5-8th grade. I started reading exclusively usuk fanfics in 8th grade, and have hardly ventured beyond usuk.

I'm trying to branch out more.

Hetalia is unique in its ability to teach crash course history and have enemy soldiers devouring each others cocks in the same paragraph. Double win!! The concept of international relations translated to human ones, of a nations pain having physical embodiment, of fantastically diverse headcanons dissecting the intrigues of Nation biology... Its all very yummy thinking food

Ive never read the manga, ive hardly watched the show. Im fandom built thru and thru!

Like the pic above, I use usuk as experiments to run all my ideas thru. Mix media,

World building, swatching, expressions and unfamiliar subjects. Theyre my go-to! since I started taking art seriously in 2021 and those events were mainly usuk themed

my styles always changing, and I'm usually using America and England to do it

Combined with writing and a poor conceptual understanding of base material (aka CANON) i have trouble knowing WHO alfred and england are, in my style. They're constantly changing designs make it hard for my writing to capture their characters consistently.

I get so fixated on solving my own inconsistent characterization writing. Its stupid! Im going to college across the country in ten days, for Christ's sake!

Its no use getting worked up over an inconsistent style- this IS the period of constant change, of constant growth and its great fun processing new interests through art, through two characters i am familiar with (even if i somehow don't know them at all)

Ive been reading stories about the royal navy: so i practice some made up naval uniform on england! That's just an example - i really do process new information through them, finding fun in research

Once i couldn't stop thinking about the scene below, about the intrigue of gore (a genre id never taken an interest to). And i was cringing about doing it to myself (about how ouchi it would be), but like all my creative ideas j filter them through characters - it feels safer that way. Then drawing myself in there. Yuck.

So i practice the idea in Alfred. "Oh ouch yup- looks just as gross and painful and I'd imagined. Perfect!!" Now ive got an Alfred doing this gross thing, now i have a headcanon about nations cleaning their tongues witn razors.

Now i wanna write about it. Haha its all a very self-feeding pattern.

Not sure if this rant makes much sense, but basically i STRUGGLE to establish characters. Partially because i play so much with them in my doodles with anything and everything i find interesting - perhaps it makes too many factors for one character.

[pathos-p]

"Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game" but i got tagged in it so i am gonna answer all of them 'cause theyre fun

questions by @/i-like-eyes

thanks for the tag @king-chook!! ^^

1. Art programs you have but don't use

i thiiink i have a license for clip studio paint that came with my old wacom tablet but i never rly used it. also used to have krita installed for the longest time but just always felt off to me idk why. don't currently have it installed anymore tho

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

to their right is a bit easier i think. not smth i consciously notice, mostly i'm just thinking abt when im doodling on the margins of stuff they usually are looking to the left of the page

3. What ideas come from when you were little

uhhh idk tbh, i dont think much of my art draws from that

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

cityscapes !!! i love cities they r so pretty and cool looking but goddamn theyre so hard to draw

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

80-20? i post everything that i finish. basically the only stuff that doesnt get posted is sketches i give up on

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

hmmmm not that i can think of rn...

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

watercolour !! i've tried it a few times and Struggled but i love seeing ppl's work in it

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

so many animatics ..................... also many comic ideas ..................... i get so many ideas that i just never start on or start and only do a little before losing the hyperfocus/fixation and just Cannot continue them. it sucks

9. What are your file name conventions

usually the character name, maybe a bit of description of what theyre doing... idk not much of a convention to it

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

hmm i like jackets :)

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

yes, usually music. sometimes random youtube videos like stream highlights or video essays.

12. Easiest part of body to draw

uhhh hair? maybe idk. hard question bc it varied a lot depending on what kinda style and just. sometimes smth is hard in a particular drawing then easy later idk

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

i cant think of anything i will edit it in if i think of anyone

14. Any favorite motifs

in my drawings i dont feel like i use any much. mostly i pull motifs from whatever im doing fanart of lol. in music, i like religious motifs (but not like. ones abt christ or bible stories, rather heaven, hell, god/divinity, angels)

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

at home pretty much exclusively. in bed lol

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

idk i feel like the stuff im better at is the stuff i like bc i practice it more for fun lol

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

not usually

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

surprisingly little. mostly bc i do more digital art lol

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

weapons and nature. especially ice for nature

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

i cant think of anything ill add it if i do

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

i love rougher styles, like ones with a lot of visible brushstrokes and bold lines and shit. so cool. idk how to make it look good lol i dont have the confidence in my lines for it

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

none... probably i should change that

23. Do you use different layer modes

yeah, often i use a multiple layer for shading then a variety to colour adjust at the end

24. Do your references include stock images

sometimes

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

cant think of any

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

there was this poem i wrote about capitalism and how shit it is and someone thought it was abt interpersonal relationships/smth along the lines of a breakup. i rly didnt mind it tho i thought it was cool bc the emotion was not far off, the sense of betrayal and abandonment. just a very very different subject

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

no lol

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

i ran a zine (digital only) for the dimension 20 zine jam! and also made art+writing for others in that :D also was part of a polygon yt fanzine a while back

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

spider-man (not the MCU, mostly tasm and a few of the comics)

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

IS IT BAD TO SAY A PIECE THAT GOT QUITE A BIT OF POSITIVE ATTENTION ?? maybe

i rly like the cj comic i did i am genuinely so goddamn happy with the result so . even tho it did very well by the standards for the fandom its for and my current follower base it is underrated

alternatively this one https://www.tumblr.com/pathos-p/704380503765221377/tridential-sovereignty?source=share bc it didnt get all that much attention on any social media site but i think its cool !!

(mostly only using recent ones bc i dont wanna dig back further esp onto my old twt acct, too much work lol)

[jakowskis]

im gonna do it anyway FKJSDF here is precisely sixteen paragraphs of me babbling abt a tw orgy fic 😒 under the cut for nsfw obvi (+ length fhsdkjf) but i didn't get terribly graphic tbh

here's the fic!! (explicit rating 🫵)

so i first read this fic p early into my tw fixation + its been a fav of mine since, ive read it countless times n i think abt it a Lot. i love tw poly + this fic explores the sexual end of that, all the overlapping attractions going on. bc rlly n truly i think these ppl all wanna fuck each other and they should. they should. it mostly sticks to the canon relationships, with some line-blurring, and lowkey it’s so damn tangible it’s not even funny. like, it could absolutely be canon. not a lick of it feels far-fetched or unfathomable. 

it’s in owen’s pov, early s2 owen, and it’s probably the most in-character owen i’ve ever seen, which is rlly fucking funny to me. this author rlly Got him and i constantly mourn that they didnt write other stuff with him. pensive. (+ hes so endearing in it too like. my bisexual disaster!!! dorky bi disaster ilysm mwah.) and owen’s pov is additionally a brilliant choice because, as we know, he’s the most sex-motivated character, and he’s also canonically attracted to all his coworkers, and i love the nuance with which this fic explores that, exactly how his attraction to each of them functions.

and on the same subject? this fic is so heartwarmingly and thoroughly bisexual. m/m, m/f, and f/f ships are all given equal regard, each of the characters feel as bisexual as they really are, and owen’s narration in particular is so incredibly bi, like the way his attraction works and the things he notices and finds arousing, it’s perfect. it makes me very happy as a bisexual and also as an owen stannie who’s always far too pleased when fics actually let him be attracted to men. but it’s also just grounded like he doesn’t just find traditional things attractive because he’s also got feelings for everyone a bit, he’s fond of everyone and he's attracted to specific aspects of everyone, so he notices specific things... it’s just really lovely.

speaking of. as yall know my torchwood otp is owen & ianto and this fic is fucking BRUTAL in that regard, it teases SO BAD. i’ve never been so blue-balled by a fic before. they’ve got such a sexy back-n-forth in this, it’s like fencing, and ianto keeps teasing and then withdrawing and leaving owen frustrated and it leaves ME frustrated every single time i read it. they have a lot of tension in the show, imo, and it manifests perfectly in this fic, this will-they-wont-they. it’s fantastically sexy, somehow, the suspense of it.

as i mentioned, the fic mostly explores the main three ‘canon’ ships. now, as i've made clear on this blog, i dislike tosh x owen, am Bothered by jack x ianto, and don't particularly care about gwen x rhys. this first manages to make the first two not only bearable but also fucking good. i'm not so much opposed to the ships themselves, i'm opposed to how they're usually done in fic - this fic manages the perfect tone for both of them. it's literally sooo good. and the rhys & gwen is solid too i luv them

like fr i hate towen but im fond of the way they are in this fic. the way owen sees her feels tangible, and they’re on the same page in a way theyre not in the show. the fic ends with him asking her out on a date and i can’t even find it in me to be mad about it because they just sort of work here in a way thats totally a realistic interpretation imo. which i honestly didn't think was possible cuz nobody else is doing it (including the show lol). this fic is one of literally two fics in existence where i liked the towen hdsfkfd. also it should be noted i do NOT like straight piv sex it squicks me out (esp w my fav involved, thats just a me thing) but this fic makes it bearable. mostly. lowkey owen's still kind of bottomy w both tosh n gwen in this and i love that. i do not mind het sex if the man is giving bottom realness 👍

and the janto is also great, i don’t read fic for them but i’ve gotten the vibe that people like to make ianto submissive... i prefer dom!ianto in regards to owento and it’s seeped into my general view of the character, and his dom vibes in this are immaculate. him and jack are so much fun here, they both tease each other, play games with each other, a push-pull, and you get a sense of what a whirlwind they are. it’s brilliant. like okay THATS the appeal. I See. oh and there’s also a jack/ianto/owen scene towards the end (my favorite, when it's done well, which is basically never tbh) that’s incredible and also sooo frustrating bc i wish it was MORE but it’s also perfect. and owen kind of realizes he’s a pawn in their little game with each other and it’s soooooooooo. i love it. hrgh. love that sort of thing. so hawt xDD yay yaoi yayy xD

and hhrhghg ianto's aforementioned dom vibes majorly crop up with him and owen and its. sooo fucking hot it drives me nuts. when i said the fic blue-balls you irt owento... it's not even overly explicit, it's in the Energies; it's sexy as shit. i love sensuality, i love seduction, i love sex lying in things that aren't necessarily sexual and yet are. wahoo!

oh wait and speaking of being a pawn. there’s a little bit of gwen x owen which i’m personally fond of (mostly as a horny thing. i dont ship them domestically i just think theyre hot together) and they’ve got this specific vibe in this fic... rhys is there, so they don’t do much, but it’s like something forbidden, and gwen’s a bit of a tease, she plays with owen a bit and toys with the danger of letting rhys in on their little secret, and it’s really hot imo. there’s a very fun rhys x jack part (coinciding with the main owen x gwen part) and i loveee fdshfjdks rhys getting initiated into the gay alien cult via the slutty space man. also gwen gets to be a fujoshi about it which is her right imo. gwen and jack don’t go in each other’s orbits, which is amusing, but in that particular scene jack’s with rhys while gwen’s with owen and you almost get the sense theyre fucking through them, and it’s soo smart. I LOVE HOW ALL THESE PPL R INTERTWINED the constant voyeurism of torchwood. i am always saying this. there's always somehow a third party in any given workplace relationship they have. someone's always haunting other ppl's sex. it's insane

oh tosh my love... tosh is soooo good in this fic. shes a bit like adam!tosh, when shes more confident, that easy laidback sexiness, and it’s fantasticcc. hrhgh i need her. shes so hot. also she definitely has, ahem, the most fun in this fic. if you catch my drift

there’s also TWO bits with tosh/ianto/owen, which im so unbelievably fond of, and owen’s in bisexual heaven during both scenes and it’s really good fsdhkjf. owen has a fun time in this fic as far as weaseling himself into multiple threesomes n i think thats exactly where he belongs tbh. grr i have wanted to write a fic where tosh holds owen's hand and pets his hair while ianto fucks him for a year now eventually i will. i think that would make smth click in all three of their heads

...i could really gush about the ianto x owen so much like hrhhghg its SO hot. because almost nothing happens between them like it’s all ianto being a tease, or jack dragging ianto away and making him something forbidden, something owen's not allowed to have (which ofc pisses him off), and it’s HRGH. and again the D/s vibes. IM DROWNING i need more dom!ianto sub!owen fic i need it like air. owen's my fav closeted bottom character of all time and in this fic he so badly wants ianto to dom the shit out of him and its. HRHHGHGHG!!!!

'almost nothing happens between them' me when i lie bc there is, ofc, that j/i/o scene towards the end - but even then, there’s that buffer of jack, and owen can’t quite capture ianto’s full attention when he wants it so bad and yet at the same time he can’t bring himself to mind bc he also fancies jack on some level and it’s just. chef’s kiss.

what else what else... there’s some tosh/gwen which, i’m not specifically huge on, but also i’m not immune to lesbians and it’s hot ehehehe. i think eating pussy would fix gwen a little. thats all.

oh and jack and tosh dont rlly have a proper scene but theres one bit where she teases him and it makes me. hrrghgh. and owen n ianto r right next to them having a moment and its soooo. aaaa that scene makes me insane. Youll See if u read it.

in conclusion: like i said torchwood to me is a show where everyone wants to fuck each other and everyone Should be fucking each other and what i love about this fic is it's sex pollen but it's not the sort where they're out of their minds w lust yanno it just removes inhibitions. all these desires were already there (as we see in owen's initial narration like i love that hes already admiring his coworker's bodies before he's even had a drink 😭 that's my lil horndog) and it just... gives them an excuse, rlly. i love them very much and also theyre all very hot to me. oh to be a fly on the wall in this fic fhsdkfjds

one day i will snap and rave incoherently for sixteen paragraphs about that one torchwood or/gy fic thats like unironically and wholeheartedly one of the best fics in the entire fandom and gets all their dynamics w each other perfect. but for now i wont bc everyones afraid of the truth and i know that and i realize that with great knowledge cums er comes great responsibility

[saturndivine]

Why do so many astrological interpretations conflict? I just read an interpretation of my sun and moon sign essentially calling me stupid, but just about every other interpretation has a more favorable/positive view? Doubting my intelligence definitely gets to me so I can't lie and say that I'm NOT a bit bitter.... This is what I get for being a Gemini :(

well people have their own unique view of astrology and sometimes its simply incorrect but often astrology can be subjective despite the fact that in my opinion it should lean towards being more objective.

people often put bias on a lot of stuff they discuss, if someone doesnt like virgos of course theyre gonna say “virgo moons are critical to a point where they combust in on themselves due to hyper-fixation on mistakes which makes them awful” whereas someone who has an objective view will say “virgo moons do tend to be overly critical because they want to make the best of the life given to them. once they learn that perfection isnt real, they blossom into a healthy radiant person who sees the benefits in mistakes”

honestly as an aquarius if i see something overly negative to a point where its a bit inaccurate i simply stop reading. hating on a sign or placement is just weird. make sure you take what you read with a grain of salt, some people are just hateful and want to spew negativity because of the hurt they experienced. if youre not stupid than youre simply not stupid ! dont let a random astrologer get ya down babe.

[bathroom-spiders]

I posted 12.223 times in 2021

43 posts created (0%)

12180 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 283.3 posts.

I added 1.685 tags in 2021

#the magnus archives - 491 posts

#critical role - 403 posts

#what we do in the shadows - 396 posts

#the mandalorian - 73 posts

#cr spoilers - 71 posts

#lord of the rings - 70 posts

#the mechanisms - 55 posts

#the penumbra podcast - 50 posts

#cute characters - 39 posts

#it speaks - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 117 characters

#do i need this cuppa to make it through evening shift even though i know i wont be able to sleep till like 2 o clock?

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Babby hedgehog!!! They walked by while i was napping in the garden :o Sound on for baby noises

8 notes • Posted 2021-09-22 09:38:11 GMT

#4

Felt emotionally ready for a new podcast today. (New for me.) Babes Mabel is such a ride. I am entranced. My brain bit down on this and will not let go.

Listening to it feels so nostalgic, like it's written both for me as a little girl with her head in a book and stirring flower petals in rainwater for witch reasons, and me as a tired adult who works and has lost all sense of time passing.

I love how you can see the shape of a tragedy long before you learn its facts. The secrets and the mystery are characters all on their own.

It's so unapologetically open and vulnerable in its acting and format, it feels like im being included in a dangerous secret. I'm in love with this podcast and terrified of how it's gonna end. Ill probably finish in a few days no spoilers pls <3

11 notes • Posted 2021-06-18 19:12:57 GMT

#3

Critical role finale spoilers below!!

-

Can I just say how much I loved that battle with Ickithon. Starting with the surprise encounter when everyone was getting ready for a couple days of downtime and the swift terrifying buildup of a grand wizard battle.

How they won using an item they found dozens of sessions earlier and that Caleb had been tinkering with for this very purpose. Beau and Veths dope teamwork! Caleb going down and then not and then having his old master fall from the sky with a snap of his fingers. Astrid helping, described with so much feeling. The thorough humiliation that this self-important horrible wretch of a man was subjected to.

Caleb knowing that it isn't over, that keeping him alive (catching one of the biggest bads in the campaign alive!!) will mean a slow difficult victory, but at least the man who hurt him so cant do it to anyone else ever again.

I can't even begin to express the emotions I got to feel at all the directions that battle took. I think about his secret dickhands and i smile

14 notes • Posted 2021-06-04 17:27:20 GMT

#2

Coming from my magnus archives fixation and falling headlong into what we do in the shadows feels so right.

Theyre so so different, but they both have that good indulgent maximalism going on, and that unpolished feel that make a series so much more relatable. (Minimalist bright shows are exhausting because with so little aesthetic stimulation it all has to hang on the writing and delivery, and hell that makes most shows absolutely unenjoyable. Im looking at you netflix lucifer.)

Wwdits is goofy where tma is serious. Horny to all hell. The vampires are hot. Its still horror themed but with the tragedy turned way down. It's exactly what my brain needs right now? Like dinner was 8 hours ago and I'm still awake so i gorge myself on pickles and it's glorious. Guillermo emits lo-fi charm. I want Nadja to murder me in a horny way. I want to learn how to do hair horns.

18 notes • Posted 2021-10-03 20:57:45 GMT

#1

What if aliens exist, but they are like, really tiny. Ant sized. What if they visit us all the time but dont count us as sentient beings but this weird subcategory of like, flesh landscapes.

What if they study us the way we would study weather patterns. Are we slow to them? Do we seem to move with the same speed as a plant turns towards the sun? Undeniable but observed only in time lapse?

177 notes • Posted 2021-08-30 10:35:40 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[ooglywooglies]

OCs

ask prompt but just a post because who does ask prompts anymore I wanna talk about my ocs 

Here are da guys, numbered for convenience (some of them are the same person - there is also more than this I might provide art throughout) (also 27 doesnt exist anymore)

1. Your first OC ever?

stealing this answer from another oc meme i did awhile ago

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

ogh thats really difficult, i think currently im a little fixated on Mars (31 and also my pfp) - generally i have a preference towards my protagonists - Loren and Michaels have a special place in my heart (1 and 2)

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

Kind of? Loren and Lukas (1 and 4) are technically Lori’s characters originally but they’re from a joint project that’s had so much sharing we just have joint custody over all TWW characters

4. A character you rarely talk about?

More like characters that hardly get development I guess, Charlie (8), Diana (33), Viena (34), Onna (35), I have a lot of ocs there’s definitely a lot I don’t talk about much, especially because i’m not super open about my ocs as theyre all from projects.

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

everyone should know about Loren (ft his sister Jocelyn in the first one)

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

i guess Markus (15) and Michaels (2) ? theyre both intentionally the standard brown haired white boy character

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

yes literally all of them are, some of them are part of multiple stories in different universes, particuarly Loren (1/11) who as part of the canon of STSR’s story traveled between dimensions when moving in with Lukas (4/12)

8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here!

no i tried to get into rp as a teen but it didnt stick

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

uhhhhhh not from any of the main list because they are IN things but like, it depends, i would let someone borrow them probably

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design?

none of my ocs have complicated designs because i dont have the attention span to keep up with it but my by far hardest to draw (and animate, good god) oc is a creature called Poltos

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

Loren again, this is actually from an unfinished tarot set, it’s only unfinished because i’m supposed to print them and do the color accents (lorens accents are yellow) traditionally but i havent gotten around to printing them yet - anyway he was one of the easiest to pick a card for

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

I don’t know many other peoples ocs i dont have a lot of friends with ocs that i know. here’s Lori’s oc Eli who i like and designed

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

most of them are, most notoriously Loren (1), Michaels (2) by association, Kitkat (5) accidentally, Winter (6) though she rarely gets caught, Saye (9) kind of is but usually out of necessity (not that she doesnt enjoy it sometimes), Mauvi (10), Rhythm (23) tries to be an instigator, Song (24) just has a mischievous aura

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

I think Milo (3) probably has the most tragic backstory, possibly tied with Mars (31) but I can’t explain them because that’s spoilers :)

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

I LOVE to but i don’t usually get a chance to

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?

Loren, he’s an ornithology nerd in particular (this doesn’t come up a lot) 

17. Any OC OTPs?

i was gonna post my shipping charts but they appear to be out of date

yep

Lorkas (Loren 1/11 x Lukas 4/12)

Mikat (Michaels 2 x Kitkat 5)

Windie (Winter 6 x Maddie 7)

Saye (9) x Mauvi (10) (they don’t have a shipname i’m sorry)

Decos (30) x Mars (31) (also no shipname i can’t think of one i like)

18. Any OC crackships?

i’ve made jokes about Milo (3) x Tuenti (14) bc theyre their series token hot guy character i guess

theres a lot of potential here but i haven’t really though about it

oh maybe Nieyamaso (20) x Yumetsa (19) (though thats like... really starting to lean towards canon lmao)

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

I have to do both Loren and Michaels, they’re TWW’s protagonists as well as evolutions on mine and Lori’s original self inserts from like 2009, theyre not self inserts anymore theyre so different from how they started but they are 100% a symbol of our friendship of what is it like 13-15 years now?? i don’t even know

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

I forget if Milo (3) can still sing or not, he used to be able to but i forget if that got retconned

Kitkat (5) absolutely can and he’s by far the best at it, he’s probably the most musical character, he has a keyboard and he composes a little bit. I think he likes pretty contemporary kind of music, poppy, dancy kind of stuff, standard 2009 feel good internet stuff idk.

I think Lukas (4) can sing too? He plays guitar and is a bit musical but I don’t know if he’s really a singer

Oh lmao Sundae Stellar (22) is a literal popstar so she can probably sing I FORGOT ABOUT HER (i think kitkats still better but its probably close)

21. Your most artistic OC

Probably Winter (6) she’s the most online character out of everyone and has a habit of shipping her classmates and drawing fanart of them/writing fanfiction about them but she’s kind of decent at it

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?

not a lot of people know my ocs but I think people tend to think Saye (9) is like, kind of grumpy/moody because she usually has a very neutral expression but she’s not, she’s actually intentionally designed that way so it’s not a problem.

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?

a lot of TWW characters are like that just because they’ve been around for so long and the writing style of a 14 year old and a 26 year old are very different.

though there is Myrkailat (28) who used to be a completely different character named Summer Sol. Summer was the spirit of the ocean and summer but she kind of didn’t have much of a role in anything so i repurposed part of her design (mostly the water hair) into Myrkailat, the (nonbinary) god of storms (they are very cranky as any god of storms in the PNW would be expected to be)

OH I’m dumb i totally just thought of another one, Estelle (13) was originally COMPLETELY different, now she’s a bookstore owner and an author and a researcher on magical stuff in STSR’s universe but originally she was a GODDESS who basically spoke to saye telepathically and like told her what to do and was like an antagonist? and her hair was straight and she had this long silk dress on - STSR just used to be a very different story

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?

I don’t think id want to meet any of them because it would be really awkward but uh maybe... Milo (3)... for reasons

I bet id get along with Decos (30) though, both terrified of people and love movies

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

A lot of them have little pieces of me, Saye is a lot like me because she’s sort of a vessel for a lot of feelings I’ve had, not really a current version of me but still. Decos is a lot like me for reasons i mentioned in the last question and Mars is too for similar reasons but he’s got a bit more that are more personal. I try to keep ocs from being too close to me though

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will?

definitely, i cant think of any specific examples but i run into kill your darlings ALL THE TIME. a lot of changes i make are for the sake of realism though (not straight realism but more like accuracy or um flow? idk, but thats something i care about a lot)

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

Technically yes, Saye (9) and STSR as a whole were inspired by Stars in their Eyes by Just Jack (a song i dont really like that much tbh) more the title than the actual lyrics (i have a thing where i cant really process lyrics most of the time)

It made me want to draw a random girl that had bright sparkly eyes but looked fucking exhausted and had dark circles under her eyes

28. Your most dangerous OC?

Nieyamaso (20) she is the “goddess of devouring” in STSR’s universe and was so bent on destroying humanity that she had to be sealed away by other gods though even THAT did not completely stop her because before she was banished to the dream realm she created a race of basically vampires called the Nyesay to wipe out humanity in her absense (this did not go down for reasons you probably wouldn’t expect but still) AND despite being banished she can still do magical favors for anyone who offers her a blood sacrifice

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

The majority of them, for one reason or another i struggle to think of any that wouldn’t lmao

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

I don’t think any of them would have a “secret” stuffed animal collection but maybe one of the most unexpected to be into stuffed animals is Saye (9) who is a big Hibi (26) fan

I can see Lukas keeping stuffed animals in a collection if people gave them to him though, like if Loren would regularly get him a dog plushie and be like LOOK IT LOOKS LIKE YOU LMAO hed be like no it doesnt! and then keep it somewhere. I don’t think that happens but his personality would allow it to happen.

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

Winter (6) is most likely to have a tumblr blog, and a specifically curated one at that, she actually would probably have multiple, a personal one for writing about and stalking Loren and Michaels, an aesthetic one, and a fandom one. I’m not sure what her taste is at present (2009) she leans a bit scene but i don’t know if shed convert to pastel over time or not, i try not to think about TWW characters in the future. no one else would probably even know what tumblr is though.

Maybe Saye would. I feel like shes in weird spaces online though like neopets forums or something. 

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

Decos (30) :) because he is one :)

kind of

33. Your shyest OC?

Decos (30), he has social anxiety

34. Do you have any twin characters?

Yanon (21) and Sundae (22) are twins, you hardly see them at the same time though because they basically have reverse shifts

Mars (31) and Diana (33) are KIND of twins, Mars is adopted but he’s the same age as Diana and nyesay can shapeshift so they looked alike for most of their lives

35. Any sibling characters?

Yep Mars’s adoptive sisters in the above answer

We got Decos (30) and Dyna (32) - Dyna’s older by about 4 years

Loren (1) and his sister Jocelyn who I already posted a picture of, I forget how old Jocelyn is I think she’s 5ish years older than Loren

Mauvi (10) and Ivy (17) are sisters, Mauvi is 7 years older than Ivy

Milo (3) has a brother named Roman who is 3? years older than him? I think? I can’t do math.

Kitkat (5) has a little sister named Emi (ive never drawn her) she’s 3 years younger than him I think

And Winter (6) has at current an unknown number of siblings, possibly an older brother and more than one younger (baby) siblings

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)?

Mentioned the OC sharing between me and Lori before though we both have “custody” Loren (1) was originally hers and Michaels (2) was originally mine, they are friends.

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human

MANY of them are not but I will just talk about Mauvi Sancay (10) who is probably one of the most obvious Nyesay characters, usually nyesay like to appear as human as possible but Mauvi prefers to look like whatever this is, during the initial story of STSR she changes colors every day 

She’s very interested in fashion and though she isn’t that open about it absolutely resents having to kill for a living, she’s also super gay (as nyesay tend to be) and obsessed with protecting girls

38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?

Sundae (22) because that’s what she does for a living, the only other character that actively dances is Loren (1) and im not sure if hes good or bad at it, it depends on what the situation needs

39. Introduce any character you want

Gonna talk about some moms because I haven’t mentioned them much

Xanthe (16) is Mauvi’s (10) mom and is both a very traditional type of person and an absolute pacifist, she and Mauvi disagree a lot both on Mauvi’s appearance and about Mauvi’s hunting habits (there’s this whole thing about vampire politics but there’s too much to explain here i think i have a wiki somewhere if you really want to dig into that) She’s 60+ and though she doesn’t understand human customs much from spending a lot of her life away from them she likes them very very very much.

Ione is Mauvi’s (10) other mother and Xanthe’s late wife, Mauvi takes the most after her, she was very opinionated and maybe in the rest of her family’s opinion (besides Mauvi) recklessly revolutionary (an avid hunter but did so as statements most of the time, which Mauvi also does but in a different way, Ione refused to hunt “easy” targets aka the poor - I said before vampire politics is complicated so im not really gonna get into it)

last thing i’ll say is there is a reason the Sancays don’t live close to civilization anymore.

LAST MOM OF MY MOM OCs (thats not true but the last one i wanna talk about)

Tsona Shesion (29/36) Is a mom but not in the instance you meet her in STSR, she is 26 (nyesay cant reproduce until 30 years old which is kind of fucked up but nieyamaso accidentally nerfed them too hard) and she lives in an abandoned library in the forest (this forest is basically a character itself but where was i gonna be able to mention that in this meme) and she is the future leader of a cult which seeks to release Nieyamaso from the dream realm and fulfill her intended purpose of wiping out humanity :)

here she is when shes 50+

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!

A lot of TWW ones, most of TWW stuff is inspired by stuff me and Lori did when we were in like 8th grade but it’s more of stuff that we’ve incorporated into the lives of characters like Loren (1) and Michaels (2) always hang out at this small town barely used laundromat which is something we used to do, and tresspassing is also something we used to do a lot... doing pranks, general mischief as teens do

41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)

no :(

42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods?

I think probably Michaels (2/25) in STSR’s lore he moved with his family to Italy?? for his final year of high school (his family is rich) and he studies I think classical art?? Not sure but he’s developing into a bit of a history nerd so if there’s anyone it’d be him. 

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

Very hard to not just continously make characters with pink hair

Also having hair that like flips out is something I do a lot

Usually when I make a new oc it’s bc I’m like oh there’s a hairstyle I’ve never done before (i like to draw hair a lot) but there’s tropes like i do the same style of bangs a lot

Horns? love givin stuff horns

44. Something you like about your OCs in general

It’s like they were made for me (they were)

I like that I’ve got different feelings about almost all of them, I’ve got ocs i love, ocs i hate, ocs i have very complicated feelings about. they arent always there to bring me joy, sometimes they exist to cause me pain and i think thats a good thing. 

Theyre all very expressive and fun to draw too

45. A character you no longer use?

Oh lets see if i still have art of him, oh god that’s super old art, i dont like that

anyway this is Malachi? is that how you spell that? anyway he was the “best friend” character for Saye before I ultimately decided to just steal Loren (this was before TWW got rebooted lmao) 

He’s basically Loren (silly boy foil to mostly neutral protagonist) except instead of being a fish out of water who needs things to be explained to him he’s a spirit boy who generally the SOURCE of exposition

I was 18 at the time and had never written anything before so i think the end result is probably a lot better

Looks like i took some of his design elements and used them for Tuenti (14) though 

Well actually more like he got fused with another old OC named Ariel

Ogh 2013 that’s painful ow i dont like that

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?

No but I do

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?

Yeah usually Saye (9) and Loren (1)

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

I can’t think of any that arent like at least 1% evil, even hibi, i mean just look at him

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes

Kitkat (5)

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you wantIf you want, you can tag your ask answers with #yetanotherOCmeme so I can check them out too `v´9

Gonna talk about everyone from the main group that I haven’t mentioned yet because I feel bad

Maddie (7) is Lukas’s friend, they are both new kids at school though Maddie is slightly less new than Lukas. She lives on a farm and has a rescued wolfdog who is kind of ambigiously a pet and not a pet, her name’s Cup. She likes mysteries but not so much in the way everyone else does but more that she like exploration and discovery than like, gossip type of stuff, but she does also like to occasionally “see what happens”. She likes archeology and geology and stuff like that. She’s very nice and polite and often gets marked as the “mom friend” just because she’s usually doting on lukas but its really just because hes such a disaster he needs it.

Lol these are the only pics I have of Tuenti (14) I have?? These are storyboards from the last chapter of STSR (btw storyboards are totally free to read if anyone wants to, im working on the final product but i like the storyboards too)

Tuenti is kind of unfortunately more of a plot device than a character, he’s kind of to me like if Saye had a Saye oc of her own to dump a whole bunch of feelings and idiocy into, he does have goals and stuff going on but he’s very generically “the antagonist” and thats about it

Markus (15) is also there in my storyboards (holding a knife) he’s probably honestly MORE of the storys antagonist than Tuenti is but he doesnt really affect like, the world itself so he’s not much of a priority, he does carry a weird amount of emotional weight with him though. hes the guy who THINKS hes the protagonist and thats all ill say about that

(this is not a final page either) but the dragon (18) is The Grandfather Dragon, his other name is kaizeyal but no one knows that, hes the creator of all the other gods and spirits in the world hes basically just a big ball of magic and he does nothing the entire story

Yumetsa (19) is his wife (i dont think he created her, there WAS a god of magic before him and i think shes old enough to have spawned from that god back when kaizeyal was just a sky god) is the goddess of dreams and illusion, she resides in the dream realm and idk what she does or wants she doesnt make sense shes just confusing all the time

shes the antagonist of the rpg

Princess Yanon (21) and Sundae Stellar (22) are the children of the Dragon and Yumetsa (very different art styles there alright) they both live in a tower and protect the Dragon, Yanon stands on a balcony during the day and addresses the cult that worships her father, she can communicate with him telepathically (though he rarely has anything to say) Sundae is a popstar who performs in front of the tower at night which has like a hypnotic affect on the crowd I guess and she throws knives at anyone who tries to approach the tower while Yanon and the Dragon are asleep

I think that’s it thanks for coming to my ted talk

heres my storyboards btw [link] if you liked this follow me or ask me about my wiki or something

thats just STSR comic theres also a TWW vn in the works (its like 70% done) and a STSR rpg (just started) and a STSR spinoff comic (yeah im busy as hell) 

[narwhalandchill]

thank you for these bc it just sent my brain spiraling on the general topic and i see nothing but facts <3

(and apparently this is a whole au i host in my head now sorry not sorry. ill do a tag for it)

blades idea for funding an exciting criminal honeymoon to celebrate his newest marriage to dan heng is to just stack a new bounty on while still in his emo widower era and then once dan heng finally shows up again get turned in by him to the IPC. who then collects the bounty money and proceeds to break him out of like giga secure super space prison and then go on the run. dan heng has only agreed to this plan one (1) lifetime to date and blade keeps calling the consequent cycles cowards for it only to get threatened with divorce for real and immediately dropping the subject

yea poor preceptors (not). its like an occupational hazard all of them have ptsd from trying to instill proper vidyadhara values in dan heng thinking that maybe just maybe itll be different this reincarnation and it never works out they never succeed. and then theres the occasional obligation dan hengs going to have attend to on the luofu given his unique powers even among vidyadhara and they have to watch him arrive with the dearly detested blade just glued to his side oozing nothing but contempt and mockery for them and their failure to keep his lizard wife from him.

and i dont even think dan heng like inherits the romantic feelings of his past cycles or anything (thatd be weird) its more of an intense fascination and fixation with trying to understand how his past lives would end up with such a contradictory person and living such a life alongside blade bc it makes no goddamn sense. and struggling to reconcile that wild contrast between what kind of path his past lives end up on vs the upbringing he (and all those past selves) received as a vidyadhara as well as just. how fucking insane renheng is as a dynamic like hes only receiving glimpses of it as dreams from past lives its not gonna be clear and logical and chronological. he doesnt get it but he wants to understand how (its a trap its a trap).

so its basically a curiosity kills the scalie situation he seeks out blade of his own volition and every single fucking time dan heng goes with such confidence in himself like i sure hope this doesnt awaken anything in me i mean im not past me. im different i could be different and then reality hits him like a fucking truck. blade has seen it happen in various ways every single time and thinks its both incredibly entertaining but also deeply affirming on an emotional level hed rather not inspect until like 200 years into their current marriage and even then its like incredibly reluctant and only when insistently prodded. dan heng changes and becomes a different person but also doesnt change. theyre weird and this whole thing makes me sick i hate them

the concept of long term eventual reconciled-but-in-an-insane-people-way endgame renheng on a cosmic immortal timescale kinda fucking sends me bc like. blades just not going to die that much is clear yes but dan hengs lifespan is still going to have a natural endpoint before he has to go hatch his lizard ass all over again and redevelop his powers and access to his past lives' memories (cue the vidyadhara preceptors watching scandalized and in horror as he chooses to ditch his people once grown up to seek That Guy all over again every fucking time) so blade has to fuck off on a whole widower/celibacy arc in between each cycle

but also theres literally only so many times blade can consecutively marry dan hengs newest reincarnation (hes minmaxing for a combo streak and also speedrun any%) before hes going to end up like that guy from reddit with the 5 subs

[doki-mocha]

*lies down* i can’t apply. i wasted too much time in the engineering major i dont have enough time to catch up for the illustration major. i have to do engineering *sobs* like i spent the last hour setting up application and readying myself for transcripts and portfolio shit. so excited so excited. but i checked the transfer classes and boy do i got some classes i need to take. and my parents dont even want to me to go to s=this school so of course they wont let me apply to more art classes. 

i guess i should jusut make them happy an d go into engineering sinc eim already halfway there. (also im not cry typing im wear ing a splint because using the comp hurts righty jdhhdakdhsk) ive already wasted all my time doing enginerring lets just waste the rest. no w i just gotta figure out what kind of engineering or computer techy bullshit is bearable...bareable...bearbowl...i can do for the rest of my life. 

its just...let me rant for a bit

so junior year i decided hell yeah im gonna go into animation and go to art school and be an artist. im in senior year, my parents tell me engineering is  the place for you. you’re good at math! and im like sure! i cann do engineering and di art as a minor. i can bare it

cut to now after four years of thinking about it. 

nope cant bare it

MY BRAIN is not meant for this. i dont have the stamina or the will to keep going. i can do the math but i dont care enough abuout the subject to do my best. i have the memory of a fish. i remember shit from physics chemistry and math. you can jog my memory on equations but i f you ask me about idk something history or subjective i’ll blank.

i am a right brainer. i like writing, drawing, making scripts, and scenes. i like creating and i can go on forever (if my body lets me christ)

back to my stamina

hi

i cry all the time and my hair is falling out because of how much i hate what im doing. im strressed and want to die?? but im meant for it right? engineering is where im meantt o be? my parents say it, their friends say it, my family back home says it, the teachers say it. so its meant to be right? 4 years.

4 years. caught up between pleasing everyone and trying to do what i want on the side. but guess what has taken the backseat. oh yeah. my schoolwork.

idk whats up with my brain and why im so fixated on drawing. i put my health at risk to draw. im addicted? just going on with this addiction is bad, but makiing myself suffer through e n gin eering is bad too? so what do i do?

also idk what even engineering or it or tech shit im supposed to even go into. im not interested in this shit and its getting harder to pretend. my dad is disappointed in me and embarrassed of me. he has nothing to be proud of hes got nothing to brag at his friends about.

like sometiems i feel the only way to express how i really feel about this is kill myself

but i havent yet because i still want to draw

DRAWING IS WHAT STOPS ME FROM KILLING MYSELF

addicted? i know right. but its so hard to get waht i want. addicted little gremlin trying to be ambidextrous so i can draw more

the fuck is wrong with me? something in my head? gosh i want to kill myswelf there is no proper answr. now good ending. no solution.

the only soltuion i can think of is just go to therapy so this lady can stop me from killing myself every week for the rest of my life because i hate my life and my job. thats how the future looks

fuckin bleak

just

b l e a k

im a pessimist with low self esteem and has been wanting to die since i was 11? i had no reason to be like atht at 11 but now i have a reason but im too much of a pansy to do it. bleak bleak bleak

i shouldnt feel like this becaus e i am better off. my family can afford my college and i dont have to work. but i have to repay them by going to college and working in something they want from me.

am i sheltered or imprisoned

my brothers were able to run away by joining the us forces. theyre urging me to do the same/ hhaa nooo????

gosh i rant about the same things every week but i gotta because ITS STILL THERE NOT GETTING FIXED

I WAS TRYING TO FIX IT BY APPLYING TO ART COLLEGE BUT I CANT BECAUSE OF THE YEARS I WASTED DOING WHAT MY PARENTS WANT I CANT DO WHAT I WANT ANYMORE BECAUSE IM OUT OF TIME

WOULD DAD BE PROUD IF I FOLLOWED MY DREAMS AND BECAME FAMOUS AND HAPPY OR SOMETHING

OR WOULD HE BE HAPPY THAT IM MISERABLE AND MAKING MONEY ADN THEN KILLING MYSELG???

or would he be happy i followed my dreams, failed, have no job, and killed myself.

there are either 20 bad ends or 1 god tier out of reach in your dreams good end.

WHO KNOWS

AT LEAST ID BE HAPPY WALKING DOWN A FIELD OF FLOWERS AND THEM OFF A CLIFF THAN WALKING THROUGH COALS AND FLAMES OFF A CLIFF.

id die with some moments and memories of being happy.

right now? the only good memory i have is goin g to youmacon just recently

why?

because i have short term mmeory and i hate being alive

i wish i can remember good things dammit

why is my brain like this

why was  raised like this

why am i just like this

everybody and myself is to blame for this. all the good and the bad i cant remember. all of that made me the mess i am.

i cant change the past and i cant change the future because of all this shit holding me back. everything is holding me back

in cluding myself

i just wan tot enjoy myself again

maybe it will happen int he future

but right now

everything is justbleak