#they're still a little too complex to be accurate but ??

[kissingarthurclaus]

Check it out, I found some ref sheets for one of my favorite Star Wars: The Clone Wars characters!! 😊🫶

It was so much fun to work on this! I've been meaning to update Brea's ref officially for a while now, and for some reason I thought it'd be fun to imitate the style of the clone wars character sheets. I think it turned out pretty good, and I'll probably draw some more show-accurate style stuff soon! (taglist + some detail ramblings under the cut)

So, one of the neat things I did in this ref sheet was sort of break up the segments for Brea's hair! Both to help future artists I may commission get a better understanding of it, and to have an idea of how it might be 'rigged' for animation, inspired by a note I saw on Anakin's season 7 ref sheets.

The progression of her outfits is something I've thought about a lot too, and I think it reflects the animation style over the years and in some cases her personality!

Seasons 1-2 had very limited animation, so her outfit isn't very complicated and doesn't have a ton of moving parts. Her iconic waist drapery is missing so they wouldn't have to animate it, and her outfit is...visibly kinda slutty as you can see 😂 given what outfit they put Aayla Secura in, and that Ahsoka's stupid little season 1 tube top was George Lucas's input, I wouldn't put it past them to give Brea the same treatment.

Seasons 3-6 see her iconic outfit I've drawn her in the most! Her waist fabric is more for show than anything else, though it comes in handy as a blanket or a towel in a pinch. Her affinity for gold accents is most apparent in this outfit, as well.

In season 7, I think they would wanna show off just how far the animation has improved by giving her an even more complex outfit! I thought the two-tone top looked nice, as well as the cutouts on the sides of her abdomen. She also has her midriff covered for the first time, which reflects her emotional growth and maturity over the years in my mind. Her gold accents are slightly more subdued, but they're still present, she keeps a boob window and lack of sleeves to show that it's still the same Brea at heart!

Taglist♡: @me-myself-and-my-fos @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @sunstar-of-the-north @dearly-beeloved @adoredbyalatus @changeling-selfship @crushes-georg @cherry-bomb-ships

@rosieaurora @rejaytionships @in-true-blue-love @tropicalgothships @little-miss-selfships @hotrodharts @cupiidzbow @frozenhi-chews

@limey-self-inserts @candyheartedchy @space-sweetheart @halsinkisser @clancyismylover

[ruija]

Well I really love your art, may I ask how do u color? I struggle with coloring turtles and I wasn't to know how do u do that?

Hi anon! That's a very broad question, so you've given me a great excuse to ramble anything I want about my coloring, eehehehee~! This will be in two parts and I'll start with talking about my simpler coloring style.

As in, when I color characters on a white background, with a limited or light palette.

The driving force behind this style is me being lazy. My time, energy, and attention span are pretty limited, so if I want to finish anything, I gotta do it fast. And with fanart, I'm usually just doing it for fun and relaxation, so there's no need to push myself to polish it too much.

Despite that, I rarely post just black and white sketches or line arts. I always try to add at least a little bit of toning or shading, because that makes the image easier to read. The characters and their shapes pop out and catch the eye of the viewer better.

However, in this particular example, just the couple toning colors don't quite do the job. The way Don and Leo are entangled makes the center area of this illustration very busy and hard to read.

As a comparison; this pic has only one tone + mask colors, and it works. This is because all the characters are standing separately and their poses are very stationary and simple.

So for the Don + Leo pic, adding some shadows helps in bringing out shapes and depths. Also in general, if you don't feel like drawing BGs, it's good to at least add a shadow below the characters. It grounds them and makes them feel like they exist within a space.

Sometimes if the posing looks too complex and busy, it might just be best to color in the characters fully.

However, even if I do full flat colors, I tend to use a lighter palette. Putting characters in their neutral/default color on a white BG can look a bit jarring as if they're floating in a void. It feels less immersive and like the picture is unfinished.

Using lighter colors makes the image more cohesive, and fits the characters into the white environment a bit more naturally.

If I'm too lazy to draw a BG, I prefer using stylized and limited colors. It feels deliberate and that the whiteness is just part of the palette, whereas the character-accurate colors on white don't match as well, even if they're more pastel.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with just slapping the flat-colored characters on a white background. As you know, I do it too. I'm just exposing my 'fancy coloring style' for what it is; me being lazy, hah!

Limited and monochromatic palettes are a nice shortcut even when you do actual backgrounds. It's faster and you don't have to worry about clashing colors. And you can still convey atmosphere and mood.

Also, on the topic of conserving your time and efforts; I think it's very common among younger/less experienced artists to think that the amount of time you spend on your art piece = how good and well received that piece will be.

Which has some merit to it of course, but it can lead to putting too much effort into areas where it's not necessary. E.g. filling the piece with tons of details and clutter that don't serve an actual purpose, but rather make the image hard to read. Or doing really complicated shading for a meme/comic, where simplicity would deliver the joke better.

So whenever I'm drawing something I intend to publish, whether it's a quick doodle or a more polished piece, I try to follow these two principles: Make it easily readable and do the bare minimum that needs to be done to convey what I want to convey.

Putting time into practice is important, but if you draw for work, it's also crucial that you know how to prioritize and use your time efficiently!

Anyway, thanks for reading! In the next part I'll go into how I do my fully colored pieces, so stay tuned for that!

[rayclubs]

Which tf2 merc do you think gets mischaracterized the least?

Good question! Let's do a rating.

In my opinion, there are three aspects to characterizing someone.

Facts - you have to get basic character backstory right. This includes all objective canon truths, events, and, well, facts about said character.

Behavior - you need to understand how the character acts, how their interpersonal relationships function, what they're like in their day-to-day life. This is the nitty-gritty of fanfic and fanart, this is dialogue, line-to-line characterization.

Integrity - you need to understand the character's core beliefs and principles, what their values are and how they view the world around them. This isn't something you can easily quote or point to as a mistake in fanfic, it's more of an overall idea of a character.

Each of these is going to be worth up to three points, with zero for terrible characterization that gets everything wrong. This would ideally total to nine points. I'll be awarding an additional bonus point for character interpretation that doesn't make me scream "he would not fucking say that". Let's go.

Scout:

His backstory is fairly simple. He has an absent father, half a dozen siblings, and a crush on his boss who doesn't reciprocate. People mostly get this right, except they also call him a virgin despite the fact he canonically lands the fried chicken queen, and seems to do it with ease. 2/3.

His behavior is also mostly portrayed accurately, in that he's loud, obnoxious, self-absorbed, and can be kind of a dick, though not completely without endearing qualities. The fandom is, admittedly, guilty of making him more insecure and self-conscious than he actually is, to amp up the drama. 2/3.

His core values, however, are completely off. The main interpretations I see of him are "depressed Scout", "homophobic Scout", and "baby Scout", neither of which is true to his character. This is a grown man with a force-a-nature complex. The homophobia is just projection and internalized prejudice, but that phenomena is too complicated for me to dissect here. I talked about it before and might make another post later. Anyway, 0/3.

Scout does not get a bonus point. He would not fucking say "poggers" but he would say "daddy-o".

Overall characterization score: 4/10

Soldier:

Very little is known about Soldier's backstory so there isn't really any room to be wrong about it. What we do know is also vague and unreliable, so it's open to interpretation. Given how little room for error there is, I'll give him a 3/3.

His behavior is completely off in most cases, often shown to either be overly aggressive or so dumb you start to question how this man functions in his day-to-day life. Canon Soldier has plenty of endearingly stupid moments but a lot of them can be read as deadpan jokes on the character's part, and many turn out to be secretly clever moments, such as him infiltrating the robot base with a goofy cardboard disguise. Likewise, canon Soldier has plenty of aggressive and mean moments, but he's not cruel and very clearly not a threat to his teammates, which isn't captured at all in fanworks that decide to go that way. 0/3.

Soldier's core ideals are mostly captured well, as in - yeah, he calls people communist as an insult in fanfics. I feel like he should mention God more often than he does in fanon, it's, like, one of the two ideologically meaningful things he ever talks about. The importance of "America" as a concept to him is mostly preserved but left unexplored. 2/3.

Soldier does not get a bonus point, he would not fucking say [homophobic slur] yet here we fucking are.

Overall characterization score: 5/10

Pyro:

His backstory is nonexistent yet people still fuck it up. His technical knowledge is clearly extensive and impressive, as shown by the complexity of his weaponry - which, mind you, looks HAND MADE - but people treat him as if he's altogether incompetent and maniacally stupid all the time always. He also ran an engineering company for hell knows how long and people just forget about it because they're allergic to adults or something. God this pisses me off so much. I mean for fuck's sake, people act like his full job description is "Pyromaniac" and not "Pyrotechnician". I'm so tired. 0/3.

His day-to-day characterization and dialogue is also completely off. People treat him as if he's INCAPABLE of communication, make him obsess over childish things he's only shown a moderate liking to in a manner that's borderline creepy and insulting, and take away his whole entire agency in everything he ever does. I will literally not give y'all a single point, you do my man Pyro so dirty. 0/3.

His ideology is complex and vague in canon, and I don't blame people for getting confused by such things as Pyrovision, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. In my time on Ao3 I've seen animal Pyro, cryptid Pyro, monster Pyro, alien Pyro, evil mindless maniac Pyro, incompetent baby Pyro, nonbinary Pyro (HENCE MY PROBLEM WITH THE HEADCANON, do you see how it looks next to all these other interpretations?) but I've rarely, if ever, seen competent adult Pyro with actual hopes and dreams and agency. 0/3.

Pyro does not get a bonus point because he would not fucking say "uwu" but he would say "fuck", let Pyro say fuck.

Overall characterization score: 0/10 are you fucking surprised

Demoman:

Oh poor lad what have they done to you. So, Demo's backstory is arguably the most detailed and fleshed-out in the entire canon. Too bad nobody fucking read it. Admittedly, in the recent years I've seen people mostly manage to remember he has several jobs and is overall a competent and successful man, but it's rarely - if ever - explored, I've seen exactly one fic where the author bothered to explore what one of his other jobs might be (and it was not a good fic for many other reasons, don't ask me for a link), and it honestly feels like people don't want to dwell on it? Like, they mostly mention it to fill a quota, y'know? Here, I'm not racist, I've acknowledged one of this character's achievements, leave me alone. Also the subject of him being fucking adopted as a kid never comes up. 0/3.

His day-to-day characterization suffers a lot because people think alcoholism is the most morally repugnant thing that can ever happen to a human being. This man honestly barely even has a presence in the fics he's in. Are you wondering where Demo is? Well, he wasn't there! He was BUSY! He couldn't come! There is a handful of writers who bother to write his actual inner monologue and point of view, and this point goes out to them only. Also there was a pretty good Boots and Bombs fic in which Demo was a dick to Soldier but then got better, and it stuck with me. 1/3.

His core character is fucked up by fandom because he's either all flaws or not allowed to have any flaws, and there's no in-between. Ever since I joined the fandom I've seen a lot of critique floating around, and people mostly seem to listen and realize they've been mistreating the man for long enough, but it created a whole separate problem of Perfect Demoman which is bland and boring. People don't want to write an offensive caricature but don't feel like fleshing him out either, so they just make him great at everything and never let him fail and grown in ways that are meaningful. Except that one fic I mentioned earlier, but I've already awarded a point for that. 0/3.

Demo does not get a bonus point. I couldn't find a meaningful example of bad dialogue because, like I said, he has no presence in any of the fics he's in. He would fucking say something.

Overall characterization score: 1/10 and honestly it's too generous on my part.

Heavy:

Okay so Heavy's backstory really confuses people. I've got like a dozen asks in my inbox when I called his father a revolutionary AND a counter-revolutionary. Wait till I call him a royalist, it'll blow your tits clean off. I don't feel like explaining the history of the communist regime in the USSR on this post, let's just say people are mostly faithful to canon but don't really "get" Heavy. 2/3.

His day-to-day characterization is plain bad. He's treated like a mother hen to the mercs when he's more of a stoic friend with a mean streak and a crude sense of humor. I think the main problem is the dialogue, people just can't give him the dignity of speaking in an intelligent manner. It's honestly also pretty bad in the comics. 1/3.

His core ideals are fine, if oversimplified. He's not a complicated man, he loves his family, his guns and his doctor. People rarely give him any more depth than that but it's not offensive to his character or anything. I feel like he should have more political opinions than people give him. I also feel like people make him way more protective of Zhanna's romantic pursuits, to a creepy degree. I mean, yes, he's annoyed by her marrying Soldier, and seems horrified for a brief second, but it's not like he's against it or anything, he's just kinda surprised? Anyway, 2/3.

Heavy does not get a bonus point because he would not fucking say "da". Pizda.

Overall characterization score: 5/10

Engineer:

Yeah people mostly get him. He's got 11 Ph. Ds. Some treat him like he grew up as an actual cowboy or something but most remember he's a nerd. I'd actually give all the points here because Engie's backstory is NOT complicated. 3/3.

His dialogue and day-to-day characterization is also okay, though people really mellow him down a lot. I had a bit in one of my fics where he said something like "let's teach those sumbitches how the real killin' is done" and like three different people commented on it saying they liked or were surprised by his mean energy. It's not even that mean, I think it kinda shows my problem with his interpretation. 2/3.

I asked about mischaracterization once and a lot of people replied "Engie is the most mischaracterized because people treat him like he's good but he's actually evil" which I think pretty much covers it? It's hard to write someone who is not implicitly strictly good or strictly evil. Engie treads this balance really well, I'm actually convinced his demeanor is not a facade, he is nice at times and mean when he wants to be. Fanon Engie can only be one of two things and neither is right. 0/3.

Engie gets a bonus point as an exception. I actually can't tell why, people just have his voice on-point. Is his accent and manner of speaking really that easy for you? I struggle to write him a lot. I think he should say "bitch" more.

Overall characterization score: 6/10

Medic:

People focus on the fact he lost his medical license more than on the fact he HAD a medical license in the first place. Other than that he really doesn't have a backstory. I dislike that people try to give him a sad one, I think he grew up loved and maybe even a little spoiled, but I can't fault others for not following my headcanons, so. 2/3.

His dialogue is the WORST because it's written phonetically. His goofy yet self-confident energy isn't captured well at all. The best I can put this is "people wife him" but it sounds kinda mysogynistic so really I'm at a loss. Submissivepilled breedablemaxxer. 0/3.

His core values are also all over the place. The complicated thing about writing Medic is that he actually doesn't come with pre-packaged drama. His backstory is vague, his demeanor is optimistic, his vibes are fun, and the worst thing that happened to him in canon was working with the classics for a bit - people amp it up to squeeze hurt out of it, which is fine, but not many people actually like going there. Thing is, fanfic writers aren't that good at writing drama when it hasn't been established before. They have to warp his character, make him edgy, self-conscious, or plain mad evil without redeeming qualities. I remember really struggling with my big Medic fic because I wanted it to be dramatic but had to put a lot of work into actually building up the emotion, because Medic is fine. He's fine. He's alright. He's fine. He's doing well. 0/3.

Medic does NOT get a bonus point, he would not fucking say "babygirl" and I'm not even sure if he would say "yass queen slay" I'm SORRY

Overall characterization score: 2/10

Sniper:

People mostly get his backstory right, probably because it's the most well-explained in the comics and it gets the most "screentime". It's also literally a Superman parody which is funny and memorable in concept. 3/3.

People can't find a good balance between stoic professionalism and social anxiety. I think Sniper is actually pretty simple, in that he's a little self-conscious which pushes him to actively better himself as a professional, but also makes him a little awkward so he comes across as standoffish and a little mean. He's a solid bloke that's balanced and feels real. Fandom has to go for the extreme every goddamn time with him. It sucks. 0/3.

People kind of get his drama, his relationship with his family and whatnot - mostly because a lot of us losers can relate, I bet - but, again, go for the extreme in making him anxious, whiny, and sad as a wet kitten. Unless it's a porn fic in which case he's an absolute freak that growls at people. I don't know what it is about Sniper that makes him so difficult to characterize. Manic pixie dream boy. Dark and moody lover love me like no other. 0/3.

Sniper does NOT get a bonus point because he doesn't say "cunt" nearly as often as he should. Also send me asks about my Sniper takes I want to stir up some shit.

Overall characterization score: 3/10.

Spy:

The only piece of his backstory we actually know is that he fathered the blight of the earth that is Scout TF2. 3/3.

His obnoxious and insufferable demeanor is mostly captured well. A lot of his portrayals aren't nearly as classy as people think they are, but that's because most authors are themselves proletarian, myself included, which is fine. Not many make the effort to pepper his speech with French words it would actually be natural for him to say, and blame it on the nonsensical complexity of the French language, but I'm not buying it as an excuse. 2/3.

His core values are off in regards to Scout - he's often portrayed as soft, mellow, overbearing, and critical of Scout's love life to either a comical or an uncomfortable degree. His fandom portrayal often also lacks the self-confidence he's demonstrated in the comics. Spy is not above strangling a man with a chain that holds the shackles around his ankles, he wouldn't consider it a blow to his dignity to fuck any of his coworkers either, come on. He's also funny and goofy but the fandom tends to neglect that. 1/3.

Spy does not get a bonus point because he would not say "perchance" but he would say "your mother".

Overall characterization score: 6/10

The final scores are:

Spy - 6/10

Engineer - 6/10

Heavy - 5/10

Soldier - 5/10

Scout - 4/10

Sniper - 3/10

Medic - 2/10

Demoman - 1/10

Pyro - 0/10

There we go! Pyro is the most mischaracterized, Demoman is a close second, and nobody is characterized well. Cheers!

[blue-rose-soul]

Devil's Lost Son AU

Honestly, wildly accurate behavior from the three scheming uncles. Even in their silly moments they are uncomfortably cool with the fact that they'll be sending their emotionally unstable, god-complex-ing nephew into Hell to thwart a rebellion that's probably not coming with only Lucifer at the palace. And dangling the opportunity to see his mother again on a hook to ensure compliance.

Just the dissonance of cheerily sending someone you've "cared" about into danger, because you feel it a necessary evil. Very Hazbin Heaven coded.

No wonder Alastor has such warped ideas of interpersonal relationships.

And then there's Uncle Michael. Unaware that he's just highlighting Alastor's loss.

I'm glad you like these scheming weirdos. I kind of have a semi-solid grasp of their personalities at the moment, so I'm still figuring them out. The only thing I'm absolutely certain of is that Samael is the most stern and Gabriel is a nerd.

The sad thing is they really do start to develop some affection towards Alastor as they interact with them over the years. That does nothing to stop them from using him as a tool. Alastor knows this too, or at least he picks up on it in his teens, before he even reaches adulthood. And ultimately, he decides he's fine with it. He's already having these violent thoughts, can't fully connect to other people, and now thanks to the angels' interference he feels even further disconnected from humanity. If he can cause a little chaos and get back at the jackass who left his mother to die, he's fine with being a their weapon. For now.

Even with Michael - the 'uncle' he's ostensibly closest with - Alastor keeps his walls up. Not only because of how similar he is to Lucifer, although that's a big part of it, but because he can't figure out what Michael wants from him. He's fine with people who want to use him, or want something from him. He can work with people like that. But Michael's motivations are a mystery to him, and that makes the former leader of Heaven's army extremely dangerous.

Meanwhile, Michael is using a magic light ball to rewatch old memories of himself and Lucifer and more recent ones of himself with Alastor as though they're home videos and swearing to himself that, whatever went wrong with Luci, he's not going to make that mistake with Alastor.

And then Alastor's shot in the woods while burying a body.

[chiscribbs]

Apocalypse Future Donnie Concepts

I wasn't actually planning on posting these until I had a definitive final design to share alongside them, but- It's probably going to be a while before that happens and I feel bad for how inactive this blog has been lately. I've been working on stuff, but only in-between projects, and none of it is really ready to post. So, here's a little something to prove that I am still alive. ❤

Donnie's design is so hard to update. It's just...so good in its simplicity??? Every element feels necessary to his character - so figuring out what to keep, what to get rid of, and what to change slightly is a definite challenge. It's even harder when we're given so little (canonical) information about what role he played in the Resistance and what effects the Krang Apocalypse may have had on him...including how long ago he was killed in relation to the movie. Or how he was killed, for that matter.

So, I'm playing around with some potential ideas and trying to get something that feels right - feels like Donnie, but if he had to adapt to the apocalypse (while also trying to stick to the show's simplistic, shape-heavy style, so nothing too terribly detailed or complex.) I'll share a few of these ideas below, for anyone who's interested.

(Also, yes - I know the spot-goatee is in no way an original concept, but I have a deep affection for it and had to include it in my design.)

One of the concepts I'm considering is giving Donnie a prosthetic leg, something to sort of parallel Leo with his Robo-Raph arm. But in Donnie's case, he probably lost his leg long before Raph was killed or maybe even before he built the robots of his family (maybe this serves as the inspiration or catalyst for the idea.) My working theory is that he was attempting to detonate a mine field full of some Krang dogs and something went wrong which caused him to get caught up in the resulting blast. He was lucky enough to keep his life, but lost his leg and probably some of his hearing in the process. Naturally, because it's Donnie (and because they're living through an apocalypse), the leg will be more than just a prosthetic limb - it'll have some kind of weaponry or technological capabilities built into it. Just haven't decided what that's going to be yet, lol.

I'm also toying with the idea of him creating some kind of "Ninpo Protection Device" - something to act as a defense mechanism against the Krang's mystic-cancelling (or, more accurately, locking) abilities. He's testing it on himself before green-lighting it to be used on his brothers (which, obviously, never happens.) The problem is I can't decide how to visibly convey this idea, I was thinking something along the lines of one of those medical aid devices that become permanent attachments to the user's body. But most of the visible parts of his body are covered in natural armor, save for his limbs and head. So figuring out the best placement for a thing like that has been a little challenging.

I was considering giving him a mechanical hand along with/in place of the robotic leg, as well. Reason being - he works primarily with his hands and almost never wears practical protection gear (another thing I tried to partially remedy with the addition of the gloves), so if any part of him is going to be lost, his hands would be the logical first choice. I also think there's a poetic element to the guy who relies on his tech becoming more and more "mechanical" himself (but only in the physical sense). It would also imply that there was a time when he couldn't work as efficiently on his own as he normally is able to, due to having one less hand, so there was likely an adjustment period wherein he had to lean into his mystic abilities (and the aid of others around him) far more than he's used to doing. A little background character development for him, because I love that kind of stuff.

These are about all of the definitive concepts I have for him at the moment, but obviously, I'm nowhere near having a finished design just yet. So, all of these could potentially be scrapped or tweaked in the final version.

If you read this far - kudos! And thanks for your interest! :>

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #34] Speed Dating

warnings: dating other people rip, 5th muster pied piper jeon jungkook, one my fave ever chapters !! just a really good display of the starluvrs dynamic <3

wc: 5.6k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

The sound of coffee beans whirring through a grinder obscures the conversations of the couples around you; friends catching up on events of the past weekend, mothers checking in with their sons to make sure they're eating well. There's a complex myriad of relationships within these four cramped walls, unrefined wooden beams and exposed brick providing a sanctuary to escape from the cold winds of the changing seasons.

It reminds you of Yoongi's studio; the slightly woody scent bringing back fond memories - all of which are abruptly forgotten about as Seojoon returns to your table, drinks in hand.

"Thank you," you smile appreciatively as he sets them down on the table.

He was a little late meeting you, thanks to his boss staying late in the office.

"Aiming for a promotion," he had said awkwardly when he was excusing himself. "Up to a senior management position. It's looking promising."

And so you hadn't judged him too harshly for his tardiness. Know that punctuality isn't always your strong point at the best of times. Even if it isn't the best impression so early on in your dating history, you'll let it slide.

You're in the heart of the cafe; privacy not required and not particularly desired either.

It's only your second date. You're still just getting to know one another. Expectations are low, and you're thankful for it. With the mess of Jeongguk and how horribly you seem to have overstepped the boundaries of what a friendship should be, you're glad to be in a situation that comes without complications.

Dating, you think, is simple. Or at least, it should be. You get to know a person, and see if you're compatible. If you're not, it's easy to cut your losses - no hard feelings. The difficulty is when people aren't honest, nor upfront about themselves or their intentions.

Which is why, halfway through your date, Seojoon raises one of his brows in response to your honesty, and asks, "You want me to date other people? In front of you?"

"Well, no," you laugh a little, because the way he phrases it is so... accurate. Setting your coffee down, you're pleased to see that he's smiling. Is obviously taking this in good humour. "I promised my friend I'd help him out with speed dating-"

"Why does he wanna speed date?" Seojoon questions curiously. Thinks the concept is a bit old school - and not in a good way. There's a trivial nature to it. He wonders how likely you'll be able to find a decent match from such a forced scenario. "Can't find a girl? Is there something wrong with him?"

"No," you immediately defend Jeongguk. "He's a barman, and like, not a predator, so his chance to meet people kinda like how we met is limited. Also has, like, a weird complex with tinder. Doesn't like it. Wants to meet someone organically."

"Speed dating is just real-life tinder," Seojoon laughs. "It's not organic."

"Maybe not," you admit, a little dismissive in your tone, 'cause he's being difficult. "But it's real life meetings instead of online, so I think it's a little better."

"And you want me to go... why?"

"Well, 'cause I'm gonna go," you tell him. It's already been decided. Your mind is made up. It's not really a case of wanting Seojoon to go, but knowing that inviting him along is the right thing to do. "And like, it will be fun! I'm not actually gonna be taking it seriously - it's just fun."

"Okay..." He sounds sceptical. "And what about the people who are taking it seriously? What if someone falls head over heels in love with you?"

"Well then you'll have to try extra hard to be the one that I leave with," you tease.

You haven't considered the possibility that maybe he'll find someone else he likes more than he likes you - 'cause you don't actually really care. Not yet. It's too early to be invested. Your guard is still up.

There's something Seojoon finds a little thrilling about your flirtation - but as he sighs, you're reminded of the fact he's older than you. Has a couple of years on Seokjin.

Just like your ex used to get bored of your sometimes childish nature, you fear that the same could be said for Seojoon.

Still, no need to write him off so soon.

Selfishly, you also think that distance is needed between you and Jeongguk - and if you're gonna use anyone as a human barricade, then someone as handsome as Seojoon definitely eases the blow a little.

A cold breeze wafts in through the door as customers leave, but the way Seojoon finally smiles and agrees makes you feel all warm.

"Alright, I'll do it," he agrees. It could be fun. You're fun. Perhaps he does need to lighten up a little. You'd met him when he'd been a few too many drinks deep, and knows that his sober self is far more subdued. Fears that you won't like him as much if he doesn't live up to that first impression. "Where is it? When?"

With an oh-so-pleased grin on your lips, you clap your hands together. "You're the best."

"Tell me something I don't know," he flirts, sipping on his coffee with a slight arrogance. His attitude assures you that no one else will steal any attention from him in the shadowy darkness of a speed dating venue.

And yet when you both arrive at a bar a few blocks from Dionysus the following Friday evening, you find yourself constantly looking over your shoulder just in case Jeongguk should appear.

"He should be here," you jitter about a little nervously, checking the time on your phone. 7:53PM. The event starts in just seven minutes.

"Calm down," Seojoon says kindly, rubbing your arm softly. "I'm sure he's just caught in traffic or something like that."

You nod, tucking your phone into your back pocket. Dressed a little casually in a pair of black jeans with a tight, long-sleeved shirt on top, you're not really trying to attract too much attention. Sure, you're just as glittery as always but it's hardly a cry for attention - it's just who you are as a person.

"Oh, here," Seojoon says as his thumb swipes away a little glitter on your cheek.

The touch should make you swoon. Should make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Should have you smitten. Smiling, you fold your arms tightly over your chest.

It didn't make you feel any of those things at all. If anything, quite the opposite.

Perhaps you're being a little pathetic, but your glitter is your warpaint. His preening weakens your defences. Suggests there was something wrong with your choices.

You know that's not what it means at all. You know he was just being kind.

But if you wanted help, you would have asked for it.

"Thanks," you say regardless, because you acknowledge he's being a nice guy. You don't want him to feel like he's not being so, just because of your own insecurities.

"You look nice," he compliments sweetly. "Think everyone here is gonna wanna take you home."

You raise a brow in his direction. Glance around the room, then back to him. There are definitely more women than there are men, but the split isn't too far off. About thirty people, give or take.

"Have you looked in a mirror lately? I've already seen, like, four women give you a double-take."

He laughs, shaking his head.

"Maybe they were looking at you. Plus," he sucks a little air between his teeth, then nods to the door. You turn to see what he's looking at. "Just saw at least three groups of women stop their conversations as soon as he walked in. Might have some competition."

It's hard to pinpoint what you notice first.

Part of you thinks it's the dark leather belt around his slim waist; silver buckle a little aged, sitting perfectly just above the flat path of his body that leads to somewhere you know far too well.

A lot of it could be the black shirt draped over his shoulders - a button-down with small golden polka dots dappling the almost sheer fabric. A small amount of chest exposed, silver necklaces sit prettily against a chest that looks like it's in need of some glitter.

Most of it, though, is his pretty brown eyes that somehow look a little menacing in this low light. Typically wide and doe-like, there's a little something different about them.  Desperately, you have to remind yourself not to curse beneath your breath.

Yet when he gets to the concierge table to sign in, his eyes widen like they so often do, and his nerves are shown in the way he nibbles down on his bottom lip. Eyes glancing around the room, he's seeking something out - and when they land on you, they soften entirely.

"Oh," you simply say. "That's Jeongguk."

And suddenly, Seojoon isn't so sure of himself. Knows he's not a bad-looking guy, but Jeongguk is so insanely different from him. It's not a competition. The two of them are incomparable - and that's why you like Seojoon. You don't want to compare.

"That's your friend?" He double-checks. You nod. Shrug, like you don't get the big deal. Of course you do. You have eyes. "A little warning would have been nice!"

You laugh. "What? He's just a guy. No different to any of the other guys here."

"Oh, we both know that's a lie," he laughs.

"Well, what does it matter?" You tease. "Unless you're trying to score with one of the other girls? You already know I'm not gonna be ditching you for him. Nothing to worry about."

There's a little satisfied smirk on Seojoon's face as he says, "Suppose you're right."

Again, it's not like things between you and Seojoon are deep. Feelings haven't formed to the point of actually feeling territorial.

As he makes his way over to you both, Jeongguk hides his discomfort well. Remembers the conversation earlier in the week when you'd told him Seojoon would be coming. Remember how he'd smiled and said, "Yeah, yeah, no. Sure. Go for it. Invite him. Will be fun."

Then he also remembers the way he'd stood in the shower for 45 minutes completely still with absolutely no cognitive thoughts because everything just felt so overwhelming that he just wanted to think of nothing at all - especially not about you with someone else.

Before he reaches you, the host begins to make an announcement. She welcomes back familiar faces, and introduces herself to those of you who are new. Explains how the evening will go.

There's an equal split; 15 men, 15 women. Decided on a coin toss, women will be the ones to move from table to table. Each person has a number. Yours is 23.

Jeongguk is 7, and Seojoon is 15.

You get three minutes at a table to make an impression, and then you're swiftly moved along to the next person; like a human conveyor belt. Which, in a way, you sort of suppose it is.

The dates start off effortlessly. You've a vodka coke to soften the tension.

None of them are anything to write home about. Of course they aren't. Not when they're competing with two of the most handsome men in the whole wide world.

And so, when you finally get to Jeongguk's table, and he looks at you in the way that he does?

Oh, you'll swoon.

There's not really much thought given to the way he smiles when you sit down; front teeth so sweet and bunny-like as his nose scrunches ever so gently. The domineering, slightly intimidating version of your best friend who had entered the establishment at the start of the evening is gone.

"Okay, okay," he shakes his head. Breathes out a nervous breath. Sorts his posture out. Dramatically waves his hand in front of his face as if he's getting ready for a theatrical performance. "Sorry. Hi. Nice to meet you."

You nod right back. Hide the excitement that's bursting through you like the light of a thousand shooting stars. 

His eyes, somehow, seem to be full of them, too. You put it down to the overhead lamps.

Holding your hand out for him to shake, you nod. "Nice to meet you, too. What's your name?"

Oh, it's dumb. So incredibly dumb . 

"They call me Tony," he bullshits. You know immediately where his chosen name has come from. You've taken the piss out of his doll collection enough times to be vastly aware of exactly who the figurines are.

"Funny," you smirk, leaning back into the chair. There's a menacing quality to your smile. Jeongguk can't stop himself from smiling, again. "They call me Pepper."

Your knowledge of the intricacies of Tony Stark's various love affairs is limited, but you do know one thing; Pepper Potts is possibly the most important of them all. 

You don't mean to insinuate anything more than an acknowledgement of your importance to Jeongguk, but you also don't know the characters as intricately as he does. Don't know that Jeongguk's mile-a-minute brain is only accelerating even further down his path of being hopelessly infatuated with you.

"So tell me, Pepper, what brings a girl like you to a place like this?" He flirts, keeping up the stupid game a little while longer. There are three minutes on the clock. He's making the most of it. Knows he'll wish you were still in front of him as soon as you depart to the next table.

"Got a magnet in my chest," you tell him, reciting lore he told you once when you'd been wrapped up in his duvet, watching MCU films back to back while he'd been studying. "Think there must be some iron around. Can't help but be drawn to it."

He shrugs. Pretends as if the demonstration of the fact you actively listen to him and his passions isn't the hottest thing in the world. "Is that what you're after then, huh? An Iron Man?"

"Maybe," you flirt. "Happen to know where I could find one, Tony ?"

Oh, it's idiotic - and yet you both enjoy the ridiculousness of it all.

Jeongguk smiles. Looks down. Shakes his head. When he looks back up, he's biting down on his bottom lip, but there's a subtle disappointment in his eyes. He's quiet, as he says, "Everyone else is so boring, B."

"You've not met everyone yet," you remind him, but for some reason, you quite enjoy that it's everyone else. You're not included in that. Still, you don't want to discourage him. "And of course you'll have fun with me. You know me."

The clock by the front of the venue continues to tick on. There's only a minute or so left to go.

"I just had a three-minute conversation about porridge," he deadpans. "And before that? Blisters."

"Blisters?"

"Blisters," he confirms with a sigh. "She said her feet hurt and so I asked why and... yeah. Tangent. She wasn't asking me anything back so I just kept asking her more questions about her blisters. Oh, do you get them often? Do you use the special plasters? Like, fucking hell, B."

You're laughing now, and Jeongguk really wishes you wouldn't - mainly because nobody else has found him this funny all evening, and he hates that it's you he's the most compatible with.

From across the room, Seojoon glances over to the sound of you laughing. Is both pleased and disgruntled when he finds it's Jeongguk you're laughing with.

"She definitely thinks you have a foot fetish, now," you tease him.

His cheeks flame to match the colour of the Coke can beside his glass. He decided against alcohol tonight. Knows it's good for lowering inhibitions, but he doesn't want to meet someone like that. Wants to go in with clarity. With a clear head. No distractions or false sense of attraction.

"Fuck," he curses. "She does, doesn't she? That's why she wasn't asking me anything back."

"Oh, she's so gonna warn everyone about it-"

"Fuck," he really whines now. "You gotta make sure everyone knows I don't have a foot fetish."

"Do I?" You smirk. "And don't you have one? I could have sworn-"

"I don't!"

"Sure."

"Since when have I ever done anything with your feet," he hisses under his breath, glancing around to make sure no one hears him.

You just shrug. "You've kissed them once or twice-"

"Oh, please," he scoffs. "That's just cause they were there and I need to kiss something-"

"And you chose my feet?!"

"And you still came, so is this battle you really wanna fight?"

The buzzer on the clock timer sounds, but you don't want to stand up.

You want to bicker with Jeongguk into the early hours of the morning. Wanna bicker all the way to his bedroom - even if he does end up doing unspeakable things with your feet.

It's this realisation that actually makes you stand up.

Your mind flickers between shamelessly indulging how much you like Jeongguk, and reminding yourself that you're here with someone else. Have forced the poor guy into an evening of speed dating.

'Just helping out a friend' had been your rationale, but as you sit down at the table beside Jeongguk and hear him greet the next potential partner, the tremendous upset that washes over you makes it clear that perhaps you'd wanted to keep tabs, too. Make sure that there really is no one he likes as much as you.

You're starting to sound like her, your brain tells you.

And so you greet your next suitor. He's perfectly pleasant. A little older, but still younger than Seojoon. Works downtown at a bank. Plays football normally on Friday evenings, but bailed to come speed dating.

The conversation is nice - but you're not really focused, 'cause you keep on trying to listen in to Jeongguk's conversation instead.

"Yeah, yeah. Dog person, massively. What about you? Cats? Oh cute, do you have one? Yeah sure I'd love to pet it! Do you have any pictures? What do you mean? Not that kind of cat? What do- oh. Oh."

The giggle you splutter is stunted; out of place in the conversation you're having.

Jeongguk glances over to you, and the suppressed smile on your face as you apologise to your 'date' is as clear as anything.

"Sorry, just heard something from another table," you explain. "It distracted me for a second."

And then Jeongguk is smiling too, cheeks a little pink from embarrassment, but the blood from his face has migrated elsewhere. 

It's his heart that swells, now.

Eventually, half an hour later, miles away from Jeongguk, you find yourself right where you should be: in front of Seojoon.

"Well, well," you greet. "Fancy seeing you here."

He smiles as you sit down. He's the last on the row, thanks to the fact he didn't sign up till much later than you or Jeongguk. Again, you'd have been here with or without his blessing.

"Y'know, I think I've seen you around before," he playfully says.

You nod. "In your dreams, probably."

Okay, so it's cheesy - but you're joking around. Engaging in an innocent flirt, just like you should be.

"Probably," he agrees. Takes a sip on his drink. Whisky on the rocks. "So tell me more about yourself."

Unlike your conversation with Jeongguk, you don't lie. Don't pretend to be anyone but yourself. With other people, you don't have to play make-believe. With Jeongguk, you already know that 'you' is not what he's after, so why even bother?

"What's there to say?" You suppose with a flirtatious smile. "Barista by day, art curator by night."

"Oh, a double life," he enthuses. "Burning the candle at both ends?"

"No." You're not sure why, but the question irks you. You don't let it show. "Just like keeping myself busy. What about you?"

"Mechanical engineer by day, perpetually tired old man by night," he says. There's a charm to his self-deprecation, but it only further exacerbates your differences. The night is when you come alive.

"Look at us," you tease. "Both burning the candle at both ends."

Even though it irked you, you play up to his humour. Years working in customer service, and now having to schmooze people professionally for Tae, it comes fairly easily to you.

Seojoon laughs. Shakes his head. Is warm in his tone as he says, "When I get that promotion you won't need to worry about working."

You laugh too, because it's an absurd thing to say. Just a funny little joke.

It's your third date. Kind of. You're not sure if you can count this as one, but you're gonna. He's speaking in hypotheticals. The promotion is grounded in reality, but the rest of it - particularly the part where you're a permanent fixture in his life - is just lighthearted banter.

"And then what?" you banter back. Just like with Jeongguk, you're playful. Perhaps Seojoon isn't too dissimilar from him, after all. "We'll move to the suburbs and have 2.4 kids? I can clean all day and cook your dinner for you?"

"Well, yeah," he says, his smile still present but a little less intentional. "Maybe not 2.4. I'm thinking three."

You shudder.

The idea of your body going through something as traumatic as pregnancy three times doesn't bear thinking about. You're not maternal. Sure, maybe one day, in the very distant future when you're settled and secure - with your own finances, and your own sense of stability. The whole concept of childbirth terrifies you. Having a family is something you'd like, but fuck . It's another fear to overcome - and a hell of a fear at that.

It's one that you haven't given much thought to lately. 

Of course, when you were head over heels for Seokjin, you thought that maybe your life would look a little bit like that. Could imagine him playing tennis with your child on the weekend. The eldest. A boy, maybe. Or maybe a girl. It didn't really matter what you envisaged. Never really thought about it too hard.

"Oh?" Seojoon questions your immediate reaction. "Not want kids?"

"Well not yet," you laugh. Shrug. Grin as you tease. "Got so much I want to achieve first."

"Such as?" he asks, but his smile isn't really as present as it once was. His eyes look a little stern.

You clear your throat. Sit a little straighter.

"Well, my job for starters. Like, I love what I do, but the curation I was telling you about? The art shows I help out with? I think that's what I really love. That's what I wanna do. I just have no idea how to even properly start."

Working with Taehyung to push his art out has been such a rewarding experience. The feeling you get after a successful art show is unlike any sense of achievement a good day at the cafe could give you.

It's something to be proud of. Yes, it's Taehyung's talent that makes the sales, but it's your networking that gets the right people through the doors. A combined effort.

"But it's fine," Seojoon interrupts before you've really finished your rambling. "I mean it. I wanna work hard so I can provide for my future family. If you and me 'go the distance', then you wouldn't need to work."

You furrow your brows. Look quite affronted. "But I want to work."

"But you wouldn't need to," he insists again, broad shoulders straightening out. There's an air of arrogance to the way he wipes his fingers on a serviette and tosses it down onto the table. "I don't want a partner who's never around. Not if we've got kids."

"So you want a housewife?" You almost accuse.

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"Not if it's her choice," you say defiantly. "But it'll never be my choice."

There's silence between you both. Seojoon's eyes drop, but yours continue to burn into him, affronted by his expectations, and the fact he thought perhaps you would ever shape yourself to fit into his idealised version of a woman.

"Okay, so say you get married," you theorise. It's not playful, now. Not like it was. "Get married, and she gives up everything - house, job, finances. All she does is raise your kids-"

"It's not like I'd be an absent father," he argues, but you don't really care. You're annoyed. There's nothing wrong with a traditional mindset, but you've already had one guy try and push what a woman 'should' be like onto you. You're never gonna let it happen again.

"But you'll be working so hard," you pout. Mock. Project a version of the future that you have no way of accurately predicting. "You'll be in the office all the time, and one thing will lead to another and BAM . Workplace affair-"

"I'd never cheat."

"I've been told that before," you say a little flippantly. "It's life. It happens."

"You're not being fair."

"No, what's not fair is that in the divorce she'll be left with fuck all - just your shitty, snivelly kids. No career, no financial security, no prospects, nothing."

Seojoon grates his jaw a little.

"You're projecting."

"And you're forgetting I'm a woman. I've dated corporate men before. I've heard the horror stories."

"This is literally insane," he laughs. "Like, you're crazy. You can't just assume every man is the same."

"And you can't assume that every woman will be happy with the life you want for them," you laugh right back, disbelief taking hold of your emotions. Scoff. Tut. "So fuckin' backwards."

"Well maybe not every man will be happy with the life you want for them-"

"I don't want my future partner to change their goals or aspirations to suit my needs," you remind him. "I just want them to support my goals, too."

Seojoon frowns. "You're making me sound like an asshole."

You just shrug.

"I don't think I'm making you sound like anything," you sigh. Shake your head. Look down to the dinner table and then back over towards him. "I just..."

There's a realisation floundering around you both; a brief peak into what the future could look like.

And neither of you are happy.

"So... Speed dating is fun," he says sarcastically, trying to inject some humour back into your conversation. He's not a bad guy. He's really not. He just doesn't want the same things that you do.

The buzzer on the clock rings.

Your time is up.

Not just for you and Seojoon; but for everyone.

Fates need to be sealed in brown envelopes.

Leaning against a coffee table, you skim over the second-date slip from the organisers. 

On it, is a table listing out every person you dated tonight with a small picture to remind you of them. All you need to do is scribble a big fat cross next to the people you wish to date again.

You put a thick cross in the box next to Seojoon's name, because it feels like that's what you're supposed to do. Hover over the empty box beside Jeon Jeongguk, and hesitate. Half think that you should put a cross in there, too.

If you were to see him on tinder, you'd probably give him a super-like, because it's funny, and what friends do - but this seems a bit more serious than a swipe. So you leave it empty.

Like a black hole, the empty space feels wrong.

But filling it would also be wrong. 

Slip handed back into the event hosts, you go to mingle with the ladies. There's an awkward divide, the men on one side of the bar, women on the other.

"So," a woman not much older than yourself nudges your arm. "Who tickled your fancy?"

You hesitate. Remember that there is a right answer and a wrong answer. "Number 15. Seojoon."

"Ohh, yeah he was dishy," she swoons. "Bit too stiff for me, though."

Laughing at her observation, she isn't wrong. "So who did you go for?"

"Number 7. I forget his name but I don't think it matters - half the women here seem to have put him down!"

When she smiles, there's a radiance to her. She's unjaded. Doesn't seem to harbour the resentment of failed relationships, nor the fracture marks of a broken heart. Someone like her would be good for Jeongguk.

You cast your eyes over to where he's talking to some guy who barely even managed to get you interested in him. Everyone else seems pale in comparison to your best friend. Glancing at Seojoon, you feel guilty. You're the one who insisted that he come tonight, and yet you've spent the entire time running laps in your own heart trying to run away from the undeniable feelings you have for Jeongguk. It's all so fucked.

The only thing that gives you even a little bit of comfort is the fact that you know, for a fact, that you and Seojoon won't work. You'll waste no more of his time.

Eventually, the organisers return. Each attendee is given a small brown envelope with the details of mutual matches in them. If you both chose one another, you'll be invited to stay for a second date - this time without the timer. Everyone else will be given a drinks voucher for the bar on the floor below - either to drown their sorrows or give them a little Dutch courage to try again.

Again, the women congregate. Excitedly open their envelopes. You hold back a little. Part of you doesn't want to see a fate you've sealed, knowing full well that you intend on ending things with Seojoon.

And yet, from across the group, you hear a gasp. "I matched! With 15!"

Fucking ouch.

You twist around to see Seojoon smiling at his sheet of paper, then glancing over - presumably to her, but catching you first. He does, at least, look apologetic. Tilts his head for you to come over.

And so you do.

"Look," he sighs. Offers a smile. "We both know after that conversation that this isn't right for us."

Scrunching your face up a little, you nod. Feel relieved, more than anything. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he says as he lightly nudges your shoulder. "One of the girls here went to my college, so it was kinda nice talking about it with her."

"Makes sense," you accept, relieved that it's working out in the way that it is. "For the record, though, you were my only choice."

"Oh give over," he laughs, only to realise you're being deadly serious. He looks utterly confused. "Not even your friend? Jeongguk?"

Shaking your head, you shrug. Laugh. "I'm trying to help him find a date."

"Okay?" Seojoon questions. "Is that not what a partner should be? A friend?"

"Stop," you smile. "You'll put ideas in my head - and everyone knows ideas are a dangerous thing for a girl like me."

Looking down at you with a smile you know could steal hearts, just not yours, Seojoon agrees. "For what it's worth, I think you'll achieve everything you want to achieve."

You aren't so sure, but you thank him regardless. Encourage him to retrieve his match and head off for a real date. Tell him not to be a stranger, but realistically know that it's all he'll ever really be to you now.

From across the room, Jeongguk looks at you with a perplexed frown. You're running your thumb beneath the lip of the envelope to check the contents. You've no possible matches, not now your only one has chosen someone else.

You scan the room for your best friend and are surprised to see that he's alone. Holding up your empty envelope, you just shrug.

He reciprocates. Holds up his equally empty envelope, and then mouths, "me too."

Tilting his head to the side, Jeongguk doesn't really understand how you both ended up without a single reciprocated interest, even if the science is glaringly obvious.

You didn't put anyone other than Seojoon.

And Jeongguk didn't put anyone other than you.

Though he's too far away for you to hear, you can read his lips as he smiles and says, "Should we go?"

Glancing behind you one last time, the girl who had been speaking to you earlier catches your attention.

"So?" she asks excitedly. Though her matches came up empty - much like everyone else who chose your best friend - she's still pleased for everyone who got a match. She does seem to have forgotten the part where you told her you'd only written down Seojoon's number, but she's been asking everyone the same question. Is bound to have let a few details slip her mind. "Get a match?"

You smile a little, and then simply say, "Yeah. I think I might have."

There are whispers as you head over to Jeongguk. Gossip. Speculations. Why you? Why not them?

And the answer is simple: How would he ever choose someone else?

"So I know this bar," Jeongguk grins as you come within earshot.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhmm, it's just around the corner. Called Dionysus. I hear they have, like, a super hot bartender."

"Yeonjun?" You question. "He's a bit young for me."

"Sorry, let me rephrase," Jeongguk enthrals, hand on the small of your back as he guides you out of the venue. "A super hot bar manager ."

"Oh shit, you know, it's funny," you banter back. "I hear he's gonna put my drinks on his tab all night?"

You're a sneaky little bitch. He'll give you that much. 

And he'll also give you exactly what you want.

"I think you heard correctly, B."

A small hum of delight escapes your lips as Jeongguk loops his arm around your shoulders. Naturally, your arm wraps around his waist.

"Well, in that case, what are we waiting for?" You giggle. "Let's go get fucked up."

[bidokja]

I was joking a while back that the actor they have playing KDJ for the orv movie was too handsome for him and a friend who's read orv was like "KDJ is actually secretly attractive!!" And I just felt my soul leave my body right then

SIGHS...

Okay. Buckle in. I'm gonna finally actually address and explain and theorize about this whole...thing.

I'm not gonna cite any exact chapters cause it's like 11:30 and I've got an 8 hour drive in the morning but I'll at least make an approximate reference to where certain things are mentioned. Also, this post is just my personal interpretation for a good bit of it, but it's an interpretation I feel very solid about, so do with that what you will. Moving on to the meat of things:

There is one (1) instance in the web novel that I know of which describes specific features of Kim Dokja (especially ones other people notice). This takes place when members of KimCom are trying to make Kim Dokja presentable to give his speech at the Industrial Complex (after it's been plopped down on Earth). This is when they start really paying attention and focusing on Kim Dokja's appearance since they're putting makeup on him; I still don't think they can interpret his whole face, but they can accurately pick out and retain more features than usual. If I remember correctly they reference him having long eyelashes, smooth skin, and soft hair. These features can be viewed as (stereotypically) attractive.

Certain parts of the fandom have taken this scene and run with it at a very surface level, without realizing (or without acknowledging at the very least) that this scene is not about how Kim Dokja looks. This is, in part, due to not realizing or acknowledging why Kim Dokja's face is "censored" in the first place, and what that censoring actually means. I think it's also possible that some people are assuming the censorship works like a physical phenomena rather than an altered perception.

I'll address that last point first. The censorship of Kim Dokja's features is not something as simple as a physical phenomena. It's not a bar or scribble or mosaic over his face. If that were true it'd be very obvious to anyone looking at him that his face is hidden. But his face is not hidden to people. They can look at him and see a face. If they concentrate on his eyes, they can see where he's looking. They know when he's frowning or grinning. They see a face loud and clear. But what face are they seeing? Because it's not really his, whatever they're seeing.

No one quite agrees on what he really looks like. And if they try and think about what he looks like, they can't recall. Or if they do, it's vague, or different each time. We notice these little details throughout the series. Basically, Kim Dokja's face is cognitively obscured. Something - likely the Fourth Wall, though I can't recall if this is ever stated outright - is interfering with everyone's ability to perceive him properly. This culminated in him feeling off to others; and since they don't even realize this is happening, they surmise that he is "ugly."

Moving on to the other point about what the censorship means: To be blunt, the censorship of his face is an allegory for his disconnect from the "story" (aka: real life, and the real people at his side). The lifting - however slight - of this censorship represents him becoming more and more a part of the "story" (aka: less disconnected from the life he is living and the people at his side). The censorship's existence and lifting can represent other things - like dissociation or depersonalization or, if you want to get really meta, the fact that he is all of our faces at once - but that's how I'd sum up the main premise of it. (The Fourth Wall is a larger part of the dissociation allegory, but that's for another post).

So you see, them noticing his individual features isn't about the features. It's not about the features! It doesn't matter at all which features got listed. Because they could describe any features whatsoever and it would not change the entire point of the scene. Because the point isn't what he looks like. The point is that they can truly and clearly see these features. For the first time. They are seeing parts of him for the first time. Re-read that sentence multiple times, literally and metaphorically. What does it mean to see someone as they are?

This is an extremely significant turning point dressed up as a dress-up scene.

---

P.S. / Additionally, I'm of the opinion that Kim Dokja is not handsome, and he is not ugly. He is not pretty, and he is not ghastly. Not attractive, nor unattractive. Kim Dokja isn't any of these things. More importantly, Kim Dokja can't be any of these things. The entire point of Kim Dokja is that you cannot pick him out of a crowd; he is the crowd. He's a reader. He's the reader. Why does he need to be handsome? Why must he be pretty? Why is him being attractive necessary or relevant? He doesn't, he doesn't, it's not. He is someone deeply deeply loved and irreplaceable to those around him, and someone who cannot even begin to recognize or accept that unless it's through a love letter masquerading as a story he can read. He is the crowd, a reader, the reader. He's you, he's me. He's every single one of us.

[vexedallay]

I have so many thoughts abt epsilon guys, so it's analysis post time-

Warning: long post below cut

So, they're not human, right? Their body is that of a robot, so presumably their mind is some sort of computer or AI (and here I mean an actual goddamn artificial intelligence, not a "generative ai" or some bs). So their entire fucking mind is made of code, and things like "variability" doesn't really exist. In order for someone like epsilon to function, they need to break down the complexity of human nature into sets of rules that govern how social interaction, society, and the world in general works. They can then follow these rules and be fine. (This is how my brain works, btw. Computers make more sense than people to me) Epsilon can understand that their rules might not be complete, and is flexible enough to add more when encountering new scenarios, but they do expect their rules to be accurate. They are very much a person of logic rather than emotion. As they have mostly only interacted with other robots and artificial beings, who function in much the same way, this works for them. However, when interacting with actual people, this doesn't work as well. People are notably often governed by emotion, not logic, and are incredibly prone to spontaneity. As such, Epsilon really has no idea how to interact with them sometimes, especially with little kids.

Epsilon also refers to living people as "organics" and robotic things as "artificials" because that is how they separate those two groups mentally. There's too many types of people, too many types of robots, so Epsilon refers to the makeup of their bodies instead. This isn't necessarily an insult, it simply is. But it is a fun detail about Epsilon habits.

Also since epsilon is a robot, they can do things like be rebuilt. This is a massive thing in the actual portal storyline - being able to rebuild these robots over and over again to continue testing. Even if Epsilon wasn't programmed initially to feel pain, they are a learning system (that's what makes them so good) so there isn't a reason they couldn't have *learned* to feel pain, or at least some facsimile of it. Additionally, them watching their body get destroyed and rebuilt it bound to be traumatizing anyways, which means I just gave this robot ptsd. Oops.

Anyhow, how does epsilon actually *survive* being destroyed, much less *watch*. First off, Epsilon only exists in their memory files. They can be *completely* disconnected from their body, lose access to *all* of their sensory systems, yet still be *alive*. (This is also bound to be incredibly traumatizing since they are basically completely at the mercy of whoever happens to find them, completely unable to defend themself.) And, if they needed to watch, glados is there and watching anyways. Since epsilon only exists in their memory files, they could be hooked up to other sensory systems, through network connections and whatnot. I'd imagine glados does this on purpose as a sort of threat to epsilon.

I do want to mention glados at least briefly. She definitely had some level of control over at least Epsilons body and sensory systems, which in general is rough (complete understatement). She also put Epsilon through all of these tests, making Epsilon a lab rat. Which means Epsilon likely has the *mentality* of a lab rat. So high levels of obedience, no real purpose to life (currently they want to find rho-13, but once they find him they won't have a purpose at all), etc. Which is just fun to play with.

Also, I like to think Epsilon uses they/them pronouns because they never got a gender module installed, and learned that they/them was the default. So they're a they/them guy with no actual preference.

Fibally, Epsilon definitely thinks of themself as EP-511ON56. They're a robot, and that is their serial number. The same way they think of RHO-13 as his serial number rather than a proper name. The reason they *use* this nickname is because organics don't like listing serial numbers constantly, so Epsilon.

Anyhow, long af ramble about epsilons character? Complete.

[yellowocaballero]

going ape crazy over the latest installment in the roleswap au holy SHIT. love this akatsuki. rin with her zealous conviction and manipulative kindness. the horror of her smothering and reviving shisui for no reason. she's SO GOOD. kakashi being fully aware that what they're doing is fucked but just using it as a club to beat himself w/ rather than doing anything about it. yahiko trying to make therapy no jutsu a thing. god fucking bless

THANK YOU I LOVE THEM ALL.

Rin was really difficult to write - I think I need to write out a short story featuring her as a kid. Having a mental idea of herself when she was good is an important anchor to her life when she's bad. She has utter conviction in her team and her village, and boundless kindness for everybody around her. I think this grows warped into utter conviction in herself, and boundless kindness for those who she decides deserves it. I think she can be really interesting and unique as a villain, and I really hope to do more with her. Her convictions, ideals, goals, and dreams are very important to her - human life is not. She was idly killing and reviving Shisui for no reason at all.

Very accurate summary of Kakashi, haha. He's permanently in his Hound era and I'd say his depression is drowning him. He has no interest in improving his or anybody else's lives. The only things he still finds important are loyalty and love, but in many ways he's only loyal to the ghosts of two dead children. In Kakashi typical manner, he'd rather hate himself than help anybody.

It's almost strange - while writing it, I was thinking of him as the member of the Akatsuki with the clearest moral compass (yes, including Yahiko). But while writing I found myself genuinely asking myself the same question he was asking himself. I don't think I decided on a single clear answer. I think Rin has greater capacity for genuine goodness, while Kakashi is more likely to turn away from the Akatsuki without Naruto intervention.

Yahiko is a beautiful beam of sunshine who deserves his god complex and adoration of the masses. He's my little cutie-pie and all of his atrocities are for a good cause. Unproblematic king, the Akatsuki ARE a peace organization, never let Kakashi tell you anythhing different!

Regardless, the love that Rin and Kakashi have for Obito is very real. They're still very devoted to him. Or...like, the concept/memory/idea of him...same thing...right...

I definitely want to write more. Something weird that keeps tripping me up is the question, 'What's more interesting: outside POV of Tobi or inside POV?'. Seems like a simple question but it's actually being a big roadblock for a lot of decisions. I haven't done any writing in a long time for way too many reasons, but I have a miraculously clear weekend so I hope I'll be able to finally get something written.

[ephemeral-builds]

You know, I don't love the original Mobile Suit Gundam. And I didn't think the RX-78-2 Gundam was that great. But the more I build the more I appreciate this iconic design.

This is my first time building an Entry Grade kit. I guess I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting, but this kit genuinely surprised me.

We've got a bunch of these weird double runners. A1/A2 molded together. I guess I don't understand why you wouldn't just call the whole thing the "A" runner.

The molding is fantastic on this kit. Nice, sharp details. And the gates are virtually nonexistent. According to the instructions you can pop this thing together without any tools at all - not even nippers.

I used my nippers out of habit, and a glass file here and there... But, yeah, probably not needed.

I used a gold Gundam Marker on the eyes. They were just molded in yellow plastic and I didn't think they popped enough.

Fun fact - there's no black plastic in the head. That darkness around the eyes is just a shadow created by gaps/recesses in the plastic. Some smart engineering there from Bandai.

Surprisingly good articulation here in the torso - there's a couple joints in there to allow a fantastic ab-crunch.

And I'm loving the colors in this plastic. That yellow is nice and rich.

The color separation is also very surprising in this kit. There's no stickers at all. That "v" in the crotch is a separate bit of yellow plastic poking through the red. There's High Grade kits that don't have color separation this good.

The arms and legs are honestly kind of a let-down after the rest of this build. They're very hollow with very simple joints. The articulation isn't great. And it all feels very tight and stiff.

If I understand correctly, this is what makes it the Full Weapon Set kit - the addition of effect parts for the beam sabers, the beam javelin, hyper-bazooka, and Gundam hammer. A nice little bonus considering how cheap this kit is.

I wish there was an effect part for the beam javelin - that grey plastic doesn't look great. But I guess that just means I'll have to paint it.

This is everything you get in the basic Entry Grade RX-78-2 Gundam kit. While you do get the handles for the beam sabers, there's no effects parts.

I painted the sight/lens on the beam rifle with a yellow Gundam Marker - again, it just looked too plain in the grey plastic.

While the joints are stiff and the articulation isn't great, it can still pull off some very nice poses. And the light weight combined with the stiff joints mean that it'll hold any pose just fine.

That beam javelin just doesn't look great out of the box. And due to how the handle and hands are designed you can only hold it way down at the base. I'm definitely going to have to paint it eventually... And I might modify it a bit so it can be held up on the shaft.

This is really a very surprising kit. Much, much better than I was expecting.

The build was very simple and fast. It didn't have the satisfying complexity of a Real Grade. It doesn't have the heft or weight of a Master Grade.

And it's a very simple, anime-accurate design. There isn't a lot of surface detail to panel-line or anything like that.

But it looks really good once its built. And all of that simplicity means it should be very easy to customize.

I'll happily build another Entry Grade kit. And I'm already thinking about interesting ways I could customize one...

[luminaryofblood]

Y'know despite how Mogh is a walking bloody controversy, I still like him a lot, to me, he's not a angsty edgelord even though he looks the part, trust me I have my fair share of edgelords and trust me these bitches are INCREASINGLY ANNOYING the more I see new variant of them, they always act like they're the victims and it can get so annoying, to me everyone is a victim of something but it gets honestly weird and dumb if they keep clinging on the victim complex ALL THE TIME

Mogh ain't the victim complex rather it feels to me that he's trying to grow out of that, to be better in his own twisted way, cuz having that complex is anything but good

I mean the Mogh treatment is similar to the Marika treatment, they're both in a position of being ridiculously criticized and having all kinds of stereotypical labels put on them by so many fans without a care of trying to understand their stories

Also hard to hate Mogh or Marika when all of the cast do questionable and outright insane things

I can't say my opinion is valid or that accurate, because I'm not that active in Elden Ring and do not exactly know too deeply about the lore, I'm way past my Elden Ring phase and I don't play the game even and have only been watching tons of vids of the work

But anyway I feel like everyone should try to look at the story in a less biased way and a normal way instead y'know trying to vilify any character who did anything remotely bad, I mean looking at stuff in a more gentle way just makes things a little less agonizing and less complicated cuz it's already complicated as it is, overalls I like Elden Ring cuz it does give into perspective on what can be wrong or right

The biggest, arguably the most infuriating thing about this whole feud is that there is a really large fandom that is convinced that Miquella can do no wrong; that Miquella had the right idea in seeking godhood and bewitching the masses; that Miquella was perfectly justified in bewitching Mohg, and Mohg deserved having his body desecrated, and Ansbach is a biased old man who's hellbent on revenge and is secretly trying to recruit us to his cause. And the amount of hostility they show really does mirror Leda's devotion, and they're constantly pushing it to the point where you're left thinking: "Crap, ya' know, maybe Mohg actually WAS innocent and Miquella's just the absolute worst" partially out of spite.

And it's NOT helped when there's another camp who has a very specific way of enjoying a character -- in this case, Mohg -- and like, I have no issue with HOW people enjoy the character, but I do not appreciate the attitude of "you're not a true fan of X if you don't enjoy X in this specific way. You only like him for the aesthetic. You don't truly grasp this character."

Like what the hell, what happened to the whole openness to Alternate Interpretation? Why is everything else fine to headcanon this way or that, but Mohg in particular is an incredibly hot topic -- like you can ONLY enjoy this character in this one specific way -- and I'm...

Rrrrrr I'm bloody frustrated! And, like, you'd think people would have settled down after the DLC -- No, they've only gotten worse!

That's all I'm saying, because honestly, I'm tired of this particular topic.

[cipheramnesia]

The Rob Zombie Halloween movies are not exactly good, but they have this little chestnut of an idea that's intriguing.

The original two Halloween movies hinge on the core premise that Michael Meyers is a kind of empty vessel which embodies evil. You have to buy into the idea a little, because if you don't, not only do the movies not work as well, but also the character of Dr. Loomis comes of as an unhinged, abusive monster of a doctor. Which feels like something Rob Zombie intentionally wanted his version to consider. Ultimately the movies are not successful, likely in some measure through studio interference, but this explains a good deal of decisions which put Zombie's Halloween at loggerheads with the original movies and the fandom.

The thing about Rob Zombie is that his fans are his worst critics, in that they don't want him to make anything except a carbon copy of House of 1000 Corpses or Devil's Rejects, and when he tries to do more interesting (and in the case of Lords of Salem, significantly better) movies, they piss all over themselves in outrage. When you combine his unusual take on Halloween with a stylistic departure as well, the movies has no chance.

The funny thing is, in retrospect, Zombie's changes are actually the better choice compared to the slavishly accurate recent Halloweens, or any of the sequels following Halloween 2. He gave Michael Meyers a voice, and a more complex history, and a human connection, and all these details which fans mostly hated, but which repositioned Michael from hollow monster to a person who was deeply failed by the world. And the thing of it is, there's nothing left to explore after Halloween 2, which means the only place to go if you want to be interesting about the character is a radically different direction.

That's what Rob Zombie did, his version wasn't supposed to be scary as a remorseless killing machine, but scary as someone who was formed into a terrible creature by the world deciding for him that he is a monster. You can see this most of all with how Malcolm McDowell portrays his version of Loomis as self centered, malicious, and incompetent by varying degrees. It's stating as loudly as possible to the audience hey, this person is terrible at helping people, he is awful and his characterization of Michael Meyers as "evil" is self serving and horrible. It's meant to make the audience step back and realize, no matter how terrible the things Michael does, he's a child and locking him up for his entire life is a fucked up thing to do.

Now, ultimately the films are a mess, and this little idea doesn't really hold together or develop. I believe it's intentional still, but winds up being incompatible with what, I assume through studio pressure, is a movie too close to the original Halloween to make room for a different approach. I couldn't necessarily recommend watching them, but as failures they're still interesting.

[magistralucis]

Home sweet home [Trazyn/Orikan snippet]

(Working on a full version of this necrontyr Trazyn/Orikan request from @beril66 from some weeks ago. This is a snippet near the very beginning of the fic. Trazyn accepts Orikan's invitation to visit his private sanctum, under the condition he refrain from touching things without permission; given that they're flirting shamelessly before they've had the chance to sit down, you can see where this will end. 😂

Fic will be NSFW but this snippet isn't. Just two wise men having a wander.)

------------

"By the gods." Trazyn exclaimed in a whisper as they stepped past the door. "What is that?"

So Sannet had kept his secret, after all. Orikan was pleased. "It is the void, my lord."

"Over Mandragora?"

Orikan nodded. Trazyn had little choice but to accept it for the time being, but through the initial minutes of their entry he kept glancing up in disbelief. After all, despite the cryptek's claims, this void contained absolutely nothing of the Mandragoran skyscape.

The sanctum was about the size of a banquet-hall. Shelves and desks partitioned out each section, and the boundaries of the room's ceiling melted permanently outwards to a night sky swirling with stars. Since Trazyn had seen the tower building was domed, sealed over in other words, this was unusual; what was more, the skies over Mandragora were hazy at this time of year, whereas the sanctum's void was as clear as nowhere on the planet was. The works of sandstorms, towering industrial complexes, and falling stars did not exist in this place. Frozen in time, the mastery of chronomancers.

"Please come in. There's so much more to see."

Trazyn's cane clicked softly on the ground. Orikan lit a gauss-lamp and slipped his hand into the lord's. Save for starlight that was the only sort of illumination in the sanctum, glowing from standing braziers and orbucula studded along the walls, tinting everything viridian.

Laid out on a platform were several pieces of sempiternal weave, given to me by the Ogdobekh to examine, lord archivist. Lining the shelves were the tomes Orikan had collected over a lifetime of learning, including the ones recently gifted to him by Trazyn, copied in the archivist's own exquisite hand. Small elaborate glassworks dotted one cabinet, each refracting trapped light into infinite pools, hints of his interest in plasmancy. Trazyn rather thought they resembled Orikan's eyes. "Green they are, as green as spring, yet simmering with the void's furnace. They seem to me the way you gazed when we were met for the first time."

"Really?"

Orikan looked askance at him, somewhere between startled and smiling. It was not generally accurate to claim the Diviner saw anybody, for his eyes held the emptiness of oracles, forever unfocused and unbound to present realities. Most necrontyr lords felt this to be unbearably insolent (one of the many reasons why chronomancers went veiled) so for an overlord to remark on it fondly was a change. "I confess I'm skeptical they seemed like anything, since I was under my veil at the time."

"Now the master doth protest too much," Trazyn sighed in mock-aggravation, much to the Diviner's delight. "I still saw you, Orikan, we were many days at Gheden together. Do you not recall the tea-breaks, those long recesses, the banquets we the Nihilakh threw in honour of our guests? You had to lift the cloth sometime."

Orikan stifled a laugh. In those days he'd been an untiled cryptek, and Trazyn a young brash lord of Gheden, and they had probably spent more time being scolded by their respective dynasties than talking to one another. Still, they'd made an impression. "But then it isn't right to say it was the first time, would it?"

They moved further into the sanctum. Homelike objects began to appear, tea-things and cushions and robes hanging against the wall, and Trazyn surveyed each aspect with a different kind of fascination than before. "Whether it was or wasn't, it was enough times to promote your starlit eyes to truth. You look at me perfectly well nowadays, I've years of empirical evidence to prove it." He glanced back, fondly exasperated. "For the love of the solar gods, Orikan, would you rather I said they were dull?"

In other words: it's a compliment, dear one, learn to take it. The astromancer thought that was fair. "I suppose not, my lord."

"Trazyn." The archivist turned fully to face him, their hands still joined in the middle. Already his flesh burned with want. "You know you may call me Trazyn, like before. I'd rather gotten used to it."

Orikan smiled playfully. "Lord."

At that the archivist broke his word and drew the cryptek into an embrace, kissing him fiercely at once. Orikan allowed it, for as far as silencing methods went, he enjoyed this one greatly. With that they established that the rules were malleable that night, and that with a little patience and creativity, something wonderful might come of it.

[derangedanomaly]

okay ik i’ve been chatting a lot (hrbrhbe i wish i had access to an alt discord so bad) but i wanted to know if my theory has been accurate. i was wondering if their unfiltered personalities can like, peek through at times? like it’s definitely a leash and you’re VERY unlikely to die but things can seem off. it’s kind of why i made Ace so weirdly understanding the comfort fic aside from my personal belief that the loss of yknow the entire underground and his brother either literally or figuratively haunting him caused him severe depressive cycles. he’s already aware in that fic that you’re hurting but not just from “oh you got depression too huh”. he’d known a while ago and it’s why he was SO quick to help out where he could. i was debating on having some odd photography along the walls but didn’t wanna ruin the comfort aspect lol. it’s just that filtered is like a forced calm, but they’re still them and CAN get a bit clingy instead of full on obsessive like when unfiltered.

- yugioh anon, chatting about the goobers (murderers)

That's exactly what it means when they're filtered! They're not different, they just play some sort of "roles" that keep them at bay, thanks to the magic of Chaos. But that doesn't mean they're not thinking it. I mentioned before that Blade hears voice all the time, but stops hearing them when he's unfiltered, because he lets loose. He says what he's thinking out loud.

I told y'all that it's a little bit complex, but I just like to write something psychological like this! *^^

[catcas22]

Time to throw my hat in and ask a question too- so.

How does Godwyn feel about his kids? Like, it was probably pretty obvious that Godrick was building a major inferiority complex to Godefroy, and they both seem to idolize grandaddy a LOT. Did all this just spring up in Limgrave?

There were a number of factors contributing to make Godrick and Godefroy the terrors they eventually became.

For one thing, Godwyn and Fia's parenting. Godwyn grew up as the family Golden Child, constantly pressured to conform to an impossible standard of perfection. He overcorrected with his own children, letting them get away with far too much. There was a crucial point in which someone needed to metaphorically knock their heads together and tell them to get over themselves. And given his own harsh upbringing, Godwyn just couldn't bring himself to do it. Fia/Fortissax was in completely over her head. Ancient dragons don't really raise their young, like at all. She had the vague idea that you need to feed and water human children to keep them alive, but her parenting knowledge stopped there.

For another, they ended up in a sort of one-way feud with Malenia and Miquella. The twins are about the same age as Godrick, with Godefroy being a bit older. After their curses manifested, Godwyn started splitting his time between the twins and his own children. He had to step up even more as Radagon got a lot more depressed and withdrawn and Marika became increasingly paranoid and unstable. While Godwyn was just trying to be there for his little brother and sister when they desperately needed a stable adult in their lives, Godrick and Godefroy read it as "Dad loves the twins more and wishes they were his kids instead of us because they're freakishly talented prodigies." That planted the seed of Godrick's inferiority complex, and the rest is history.

And finally, Godrick and Godefroy grew up steeped in the culture of the modern Golden Order. They fully embraced the might makes right, will-to-power philosophy that the Order (particularly the holdovers from Godfrey's tenure) runs off of. Add that general philosophy to a pair of rather spoiled lordlings with a massive inferiority complex and... Yeah.

Godwyn genuinely does love his boys, but he overlooked a lot of early red flags. Due to the aforementioned Golden Child syndrome, he couldn't bring himself to give them the discipline and structure they so desperately needed. He realized his mistake after his sons were already grown, but by then they had come to look up to Godfrey -- or more accurately, the version of Godfrey still worshipped by the Golden Order -- more than they ever looked up to their own father.

Of course, this is just the interpretation I settled on for the Prince of Death-verse.

[opticfile]

China and reader having a Venti and Zhongli kind of relationship? Like they're both really old nations and are the last ones left of the ancients but they both can't seem to get along (maybe because China's a tsun-tsun), regardless tho they still refer to each other as friends maybe even secretly as something else...

China: (wine name) still tastes the same, but where are those who share the memory?

Reader: Hey

China: No

Reader: I am literally the only one left who's part of those memories!

✧ ITS SO SILLY just them arguing but also having a shared superiority complex bc they're old and outlived everyone else lmfao

—✦ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 // ill-mannered yao and cheeky reader, old man yao, "you kids don't get real art!11!!1!!1!1!!!", mutual pining but no one wants to give in and admit they like each other, discussion of loss and mild grief

Yao exhaled sharply as his eyes fluttered over the artwork before him. It was old as the dirt beneath the museum he stood in, it was old as he was.

The existence of a nation is bittersweet. 

You live long enough to see civilization evolve and change, see great inventions come to fruition and movements rise and fall. You experience every era, every style of art, of music, you experience each century’s creativity at its very peak and watch it fall as a new wave of thinking floods into its place. As a nation, you grow with your people, with time, with history. You are history. 

You get to see the peak of what you love.

But you must also watch its bitter descent. You live long enough to see everything you know and love disappear into time and get shoved into history books and museums that refuse to depict what you experienced and what you saw entirely accurately. You forget things you love, you forget old friends and old favorites. You watch the faces of people you love decay and dissolve until they get buried under the dirt you’ll continue to walk upon for years, and it’s heart-wrenching. Everything you love is torn away, and everything you find will not last. 

And when you’re as old as Yao, very few can share your memories.

Yao has lived with a glare in his eyes and a sharpness on his tongue for longer than most other nations have. He’s seen his old friends rise and fall and he’s kept himself steady throughout, bracing himself for every wave that washed over him and every loss he experienced. There are very few left that can rival his existence. 

“See this? The artist’s use of the brush is impeccable.” Yao clicks his tongue, “Certainly superior to whatever mess modern art is. You’d think that they spilled paint on a canvas. Where is the inspiration?”

The young man beside him shifted on his feet impatiently, boredom painting his features as he looked over to a group of gleeful men, cheering with their drinks.

Yao sneers, “Hmph, as if you would understand, you're far too young.”

(and despite the nation beside Yao's inhuman age, it was clear Yao considered him hardly different than a child)

“So um… I’ll see you around, China.” The nation shuffles away, heels of his shoes clicking the tiled floor as he walked over to those he could relate to a bit better.

And a laugh bounces off the walls, one that makes Yao huff.

“Hello Yao,” you sang, “I’ve see you’ve been terrorizing our juniors again.”

You smiled at the man before you, tilting your head as his arms crossed a little tighter and his lips twitched in annoyance.

“Come now, don’t ignore your old friend.” You frowned, mock hurt echoing through your voice.

“You’d think such an old friend would know when to leave someone be.” Yao bit back, drawing a giggle from your ribcage that made something in his heart remember. 

(but he would never give in to a feeling so traitorous)

You gazed over the old painting, slowly stepping closer to Yao. “The artist’s brush work is immaculate, yes?”

“Yes.” Yao sighed, “Despite your bothersome nature, at least you have taste.”

You pretended to gasp in offense, a hand clutching at your imaginary pearls. 

“If you’re going to reminisce, you shouldn’t call the only person who shares the memories bothersome, how impolite, Yao.”

Yao glared at you in annoyance, “But it is true, is it not? Should I lie just to protect your feelings?” 

“Perhaps,” You smiled, “You never know how much longer we have.”

Something in Yao stutters as he remembers those who faded from his life, nations he outlived, conquered, killed. 

(but he shook it off and told himself it had nothing to do with you)

“We’ll see who outlives who,” Yao said, smugly. 

“So the bet is still on then?” You giggled, “I trust you’ll hold up your end of the deal when I outlive you, then?”

“Might be hard from the grave,” Yao allowed a smile to grace his lips, “Perhaps in my last days I’ll arrange it. Though I suspect I won't be needing to.”

“How confident.” 

What a twisted game it was. Betting on who would die first, who would leave the other’s life. The last pieces of a puzzle lost to time and they do not fit together, but their edges are mangled from years of pushing and forcing and-

What would Yao do if he lost you to time?

“Maybe I should go first,” His voice lowered into a bitter murmur, “This life is taking far too long as it is.”

“And lose? I’m shocked you’re willing to entertain such an idea.”

“A loss more bearable than-” Yao snapped his mouth shut, eyes reluctant to move from your face (lips) as he flushes. “Than having to live another day with you irritating me.”

You laugh.

“That would be the Yao I know so dearly, then.”

“Dearly?” Yao spat, “As if we haven’t been feuding for centuries.”

“Of course, but maybe the hatred has let me get to know you better than kindness would, hm?” You teased, “Such a cruel tongue, you should learn to hold back.” 

“You talk too much, take your own advice.”

“Mmmm, no, you’d miss my voice too much.” You winked, Yao’s face scrunching up as his heart quickened.

“Perhaps the best invention I’ve witnessed is earplugs.” 

“Or maybe a gag to hold back your sharp insults-”

The sharp noise of glass breaking forces the two of you to glance over to the splintered wine glass lying on the floor beside you. You raise a brow as a young nation spews apologies at you.

“How clumsy.” You remark.

“You should watch where you’re going.” Yao tags along.

“So inconsiderate, where has common courtesy gone over the years?” You huff, turning away from the glass and from Yao.

“It seems we are the only ones with any manners left.” Yao turns to the painting as well.

And despite your bickering and teasing and insults your shoulders brush together as you stand in front of the painting and the nations around you still see you as old friends. And maybe the feud isn’t as big as the two of you try to make it. And maybe the pieces fit together better than you think.