#they're playing one of those water gun games

[dylanconrique]

carnival chenford competing to see who can win the giant stuffed animal in the corner first.

[flippinpancakes64]

Day at the pool with the Cullens

I love pools and I love swimming so here we are

All additional photos I found on Pinterest

Edward:

Volleyball expert

Loves having competitions to see who can "hold" their breath the longest

(There's never an actual winner, it's just who gets bored first)

Loves to tackle you in the water

Can and will sneak up on you to pull you under

Roughhousing x100

Will think you're boring if you just sit on the side of the pool

He wants to play, dammit

Wears a nose plug unfortunately

He doesn't like the feel of the water in his nose

Can and will stay there all day

He doesn't go out of his way to go to the pool, but when he does he never wants to leave

I imagine he'd like swim shorts with a pattern

He doesn't want to wear something boring

Alice:

Diving board queen

She could go to the Olympic level if she wanted to

Definitely an attacker

Will sneak up behind people just to scare them

Does that freaky thing where they go underwater to swim through people's legs when they don't expect it

Loves seeing how fast she can lap the pool

Loves getting on Emmett's shoulders and wrestling people

Splashes people

Not too fond of the beach balls or volleyballs but she will play

She wears something intricate and definitely uncomfortable looking

Stylish tho

Jasper:

Not really interested

He came along because everyone else went

He prefers baseball

He's in the water though

He might join in on volleyball or diving, but I think he'd prefer to just chill out on a raft or a tube

He just wants to enjoy all of the positive emotions around him

He might swim around with you though if you ask him

He's not opposed to doing anything

Would really enjoy a lazy river though

He just wants to veg out and I love that for him

Just lets Alice choose whatever she wants him to wear

Has absolutely no preference at all

Rosalie:

You're lucky if she touches the water at all

Prefers to lay by the poolside and "tan"

She really just enjoys the heat from the sun

Like a lizard under a heat lamp

Might dip her toes in

If you beg her to get in she might go to the shallow end and stand there for a little bit

If you splash her it's over for you

So best just to leave her alone :')

Will throw the diving toys though

Like those girls on tiktok who are tanning and throwing the toys for their boyfriends like they're dogs

That's her

She thinks it's funny

MIGHT get up to retrieve the ball if you guys throw it out on accident

Heavy on the might tho

She'd wear something cute with a pretty pattern

Emmett:

King of the Pool

Roughhousing final boss

Will start actually wrestling with people

He brought the water guns

Shows absolutely no mercy

His favorite game is water chicken

Always the base guy

Even though he's not supposed to be fighting, he still does

Is the one mostly diving for the toys Rosalie throws

Wears goggles just because they look funny

Has broken the bottom of the pool before

Would do it again too

Likes to pick people up and throw them as far as he can

Jumped off the diving board and did a cannonball once

That's how he broke the pool floor

Wears the most idiotic trunks he can find

Since it's only their family at the pool, Alice can't use the whole "keeping good appearances" thing as a reason why he should wear what she picks

Carlisle:

Likes to let loose a little bit

He has to act old to keep appearances, so everyone forgets he's physically only about 25

Like Alice I think he'd enjoy the diving board

Would love to unwind on an inner tube as well

He likes to swim to the bottom of the deep end and just sit there

He finds it peaceful

Won't join in with the fighting though

He's here to relax and have a good time

Keeps it simple and classy as far as suits go

For the longest time he wore a speedo though...

Alice quickly put an end to that

Esme:

A less grouchy Rosalie

She's here to enjoy the sun and the warmth

She would also enjoy sitting on a raft and floating though

Lazy. River.

She would enjoy watching more than anything

Would keep score and help be a referee

Would also throw the diving toys

I feel like she would enjoy just wading around though

Making laps or just floating slowly

This is her big relaxation day

I think she would enjoy suits with a bit more coverage

And she would love flowy skirts or shawls

It makes her feel elegant <3

Vampire! Bella:

Another roughhouser here folks

She went her whole human life being a walking accident, of course she's going to make the most of actually having reflexes

Loves to do just about anything

Volleyball, basketball, diving, chicken, wrestling, water gun fight

Literally anything

Is usually Edward's partner for chicken

Loves to do things that humans absolutely cannot do

She's still getting used to it and everything

One time she stayed underwater for a full 5 hours

Just to see if she could

Will ask you to time her laps around the pool

She goes for a more practical suit

Something similar to what she had when she was human

[thegnomelord]

Soap and #12 with cismale reader. I was thinking they have mutual feelings for each other but not in a relationship yet, and some obliviousness mixed in for drama lol

Sure mate, though it ended up more drama than oblivious idiots in love lol. Play the game HERE.

Prompt: "What, did you think all those times I kissed you were for shits and giggles?" "Let's be real, you had a lot of fun shoving your tongue down my throat in public."

CW:NSFW, Sub Soap, Top male reader, back alley sex, semi-public sex, mild fighting, miscommunication, Soap being a jealous hoe(again)

You and Soap have a . . . thing. You're not quite sure what to call it; You're just comrades, friends, who go out for drinks after every mission and end up messily making out in the back of a bar only to get kicked out when you two inevitably get frisky and near an indecent exposure charge. But it's fine, because it gives you the excuse to go to base and fuck on the bed, or the floor, or the table, or against the wall, or any other semi-flat surface.

But you're just friends. . . or, that's what tell yourself every time your heart pitifully clenches in your chest when Soap smiles, when he laughs and pats your shoulder, when he moans your name so sweetly as you pound into him, when he looks at you as if his world starts and ends with you; because what would a bloke like Soap want with you other than sex? So you try to drown the ache for him by going out with other people, but it's never the same— not in the way they sound, in the way they move, in the way you feel.

Johnny, on the other hand, thinks you're his and his alone.

"I'm telling yea lads," Johnny says as he knocks back a beer, a lovey dovey look in his eyes like he's a lovesick puppy. "Ah've locked him down this time." He grins, and Ghost swears if he has to listen one more time about how big your cock is or how Johnny can still feel you from last time— he'll shoot you both.

"Uhuh," Gaz rolls his eyes, amused at his antics but also happy that he's finally found someone. "Yeah, su-" Something catches Gaz's eyes and he turns his head, the color draining from his face. "-ummmm."

Ghost's eyes quickly flicker over to where he's looking, "Look at that," Ghost gives a rough snort, "Locked your man down so good he's swappin' spit without you."

Soap's immediately sober as a nun, his neck audibly cracking when he swings around to look at you. The sight of you making out with a random girl across the bar has Soap's thoughts turning in his head like rusted cogs, the world almost slowing down to force him to feel all the emotions his brain spits out; Surprise comes first, like being drenched in ice cold water, disgust making his blood feel like tar at the thought of you touching someone else the same way you touch him, hot anger barreling straight through it to make fingers twitch for the trigger of a gun.

But it's the meek hurt that forces his legs to move, striding across the bar like he's on a war path. A rough hand on your shoulder makes you break off the kiss, your world spinning like a kaleidoscope from the booze and sudden force turning you around. Your eyes finally settle on familiar blue ones, but they're cold like the deepest part of the arctic. "Johnny?" You ask.

His name on your lips only makes his scowl deeper, a bruising grip on your arm as he tugs you, "We need tae talk," He spits, glaring at the poor girl you'd been making out with like she's riddled with plague.

You're not given even a second to argue before he's yanking you out the back exit into the alley between the bar and another building. A second later he's roughly slamming you into the brick wall, knocking the breath out of your lungs with a forearm against your throat and ignoring as you choke softly. "Thae fock's wrong wit' yea!" He snarls into your face, more animal than man.

Rapidly depleting oxygen forces your brain to flood your veins with adrenaline and suddenly you're moving, harshly elbowing him in the stomach and ramming him into the stone wall behind him you swear the rock cracks. "Me? What's wrong with you?"

He tries to push against you, your arms scrambling for a solid hold until you end up in a stand still, "What's wrong-" He shoves his face into yours, nearly breaking your nose while hissing like a feral cat, "-is thaet ye're shacking up with some tramp."

"So what!" You demand, a low grunt leaving your lips as you attempt to keep him pinned when he squirms like an eel, "We're just casual-" You force out those words, trying to ignore the stab to the chest your heart gives.

"Casual?" He scoffs and with a swift jerk of his head smashes his skull into yours. You stumble away, black spots dancing in your vision and that's all he needs to grab and switch your positions, pinning you to the wall. "What? D'yea think all those times I kissed you were for shits and giggles?" He demands, a bit of a traitorous hurt making his his voice crack, face pinched in pain.

"Let's be real-" Copper and iron invade your tastebuds, drawing attention to the slow stream of blood trickling from your nose, "-you had a lot of fun shoving your tongue down my throat in public."

You feel his body tense, but keep your eyes open as you expect him to punch you, to kick you, to do something to prove what you have is just temporary; pointless bliss.

"Then how'bout ah give yea a clearer message-" He leans in to lick trail of blood on your face before capturing your lips in a kiss that's more teeth than anything else. You wretch your hand free to tangle your fingers in his short hair, bodies fitting together like jigsaw pieces, reciprocating with just as much intensity as you bite his bottom lip until his blood floods your mouths. "Got it through yer thick skull now?" He asks, pulling back just a bit to stare into your eyes.

You don't know what 'it' is, but the kiss and the roughness makes heat burn through your veins, one quick flicker of your eyes confirming he's sporting the same problem in his pants as you are. "Think I'll need more convincing."

Soap yelps when you turn him around, pinning his chest to the cold wall as your hands slide down to his belt. You stall for a second to give him a way out, but he just growls, "Get on with it," So you quickly undo his pants, shoving his jeans and boxers just down beneath the swell of his arse.

"Slut," You chuckle when you catch sight of the black plug nestled between his cheeks, the skin near it still glistening with lube from how messily he'd prepped himself, "Needed me so bad did you?" You ask as you pull the plug out, putting it into your pocket as you push the head of your cock against his fluttering opening.

"'s cause ah love yea, fockin' git." He growls, his words making your brain crash.

"Repeat that," You say, softer, kinder than you usually operate, pressing against him until you're covering his back completely. "Say that again."

He notices your change, the ice in his eyes melting away enough to let him tug your head closer to kiss you, "I love you." The way he says it, like a prayer, like a sweet caress, has your heart melting into a puddle. A dingy back alley shouldn't be the place where you confess your love, but right now it feels like Paris.

"Love you too," You kiss him back and slide into him in one slow stroke, greedily swallowing down his sounds. You let him adjust before setting a hard pace like you know he loves, cock head scraping against his prostate with every thrust. "Really, really love you." You breathe out, watching his eyes lose focus as he lets out little 'ah, ah, ah's every time your hips meet.

"Bonnie, bonnie lad please-" He whines, resting his face against the dirty wall as he moans without shame, forgetting that anyone could walk in on you two and more than likely hear you across the single layer brick wall. "Fock, c'mon, give it to me."

"Yeah, gonna take care of you-" Your hand slides down to rub his cock, squeezing his base every time you bottom out and playing with his head when you draw your hips back so you can plunge back inside him, lust and love lighting up every synapse in your body. "Just say you love me again."

Johnny's eyes close as he falls into a barely comprehensible rambling of 'love you, love you, love you', his body shaking with a building heat in his stomach, precum rapidly lubing the glide of your hand as you fuck him in a harsh pace until with a sharp yell against his shoulder you cum inside him, Johnny following suit as he paints the dirty wall white with his cum.

You feel him collapse against you and have just enough strength left to support you both, though the wall does the brunt of the work. You breathe the same air as you try to get your bearings, both hearts beating in the same speed and rhythm, and Johnny whines when you attempt to shift, hole clenching greedily around you like his body doesn't want you to seperate.

"You know," You say when you've managed to catch your breath, nuzzling into the back of his neck, "There are easier ways to say you love me without biting my head off." You chuckle, as if your heart isn't beating a thousand miles per hour at the knowledge Soap loves you.

He swats at your head, "Oh awa' an bile yer heid." He growls such harsh words before kissing you softly, sharing a silent promise with you.

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

Thoughts on Jason Todd’s choice of weaponry?

:D an ask! Yay!

Oooh, lets see, I'll start with the crowbars because I appear to be like one of three people on the entire planet who actually likes them.

They're a tacky as fuck riff on the fact that Jason's death is central to his character. They overemphasize the manner in which he died, muddy the waters about what part of his death is important to him, and strangely cheapens the manner in which he died through the parody feel of it.

No one seems to really disagree with my analysis here, but I happen to enjoy that about them and think it's very on brand for Jason. What can I say? They're fun!

Best Quality - His Wiggles

This ultra-sharp curved blade used to be his signature character design feature, the way the white streak in his hair is now, and I'm really not sure why it didn't stick!

Best weapon he's ever had, bring it back please!!!!!

The All-Blades

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...

I have mixed feelings about the All-Blades. Like much of Lobdell's work: phenomenal idea, poor execution. Giving the guy who is most known for being morally grey a set of powers that is exclusively based on moral absolutes sucks shit, I gotta be honest, and the trick he pulled on the blood blade was cool but ultimately does nothing to solve those problems.

HOWEVER

I want to love them so fucking badly. A set of glowy soul blades is a dope sicknasty off the chain concept and I wish the well wasn't poisoned with the moral implications and the restrictions to use them only on the "Untitled", a set of enemies that only exist for Jason so far as I can tell. If someone seriously took Jason down a magic based path that removed the DnD alignment chart bullshit, I would be so game to see them come back! Hell I wouldn't even insist on a better cooler design for them!

...though uh, yeah those are the least interesting magic sword designs I've ever seen tbh

Normal Ass Swords

They're alright I guess. Like, there's nothing in it really, but it's not bad?

Guns - Real Bullets

Excellent, evocative yet simple, straightforwards and to the point. It makes hella sense thematically to boot, love this for him, please give him back his pistols and miniguns and shit

Guns - Rubber Bullets

Hate. HATE. hate ick disgusting bad NO.

I just fucking hate rubber bullets, like, as a concept. I refuse to accept "non-lethal" bullets as a valid use of gun, either in real life or in fiction. Guns are for putting many holes in things very fast!!!! If you're gonna use a gun, fucking well own up to that!!! Do not play this silly ass game of pretending that you can change out the material and do the same things as with lead bullets but with the video game status effect of "non-lethal" applied. YOU ARE GIVING PEOPLE SMALL CIRCULAR BRUISES. This is still harmful, yes, ooph ouchie, but it is not even slightly a good use of a gun, you are wasting holster space, and carry weight, and the physical materials used to make it all!!

JUST USE A FUCKING STICK! YOU DON'T RUN OUT OF STICK AMMO!

My belief in his capacity to take out enemies is shattered the instant those fuckers are on panel. Maybe this ain't entirely rational, or realistic to how fights go with rubber bullets IRL, but I hate them so much on principle that I will ignore any counterargument you might have that they'd work. I will die on this hill. Rubber bullets BAD. Please stop making him use this!!

Bombs

Love it, give him more bombs forever

ka-BOOM!!!!

His Brain

This is actually his best weapon - sorry wiggly knife, you're being shunted down to number 2 on a last minute technicality! I think Jason is at his best when he's outsmarting people and making long term fucked up schemes to ruin people's lives.

He's so good at it! It's so fun to watch him do it!

Genuinely a shame that this facet of him was mostly lost after Flashpoint, though to give credit where it is due, in Rebirth Jason did ruin the Penguin's life in an impressively elaborate way, which I did really enjoy. I want to see him be a tactical deliberate menace to one person in specific again idk, that's part of why I do kinda agree that he works better as an antagonist than a protagonist - which it should be noted does not mean I think he works better as a villain necessarily, his ethics aren't what matter here - he's just had his best moments as the schemer, and it's hard to have a protagonist schemer even when you make them ethically the good guy.

I hope you enjoyed my nattering on about Jason's weapons :D thank ye again for ask!

[drieddpetals]

modern things the crows would love

(based of the reference of them being in the victorian era)

(also, i've seen a couple people do this so full credit to them for inspiring this)

kaz:

* (secretly) card shuffling asmr/those asmr videos where they teach you card games, even tho he knows how to play them already

* (when he was a kid) those diaries where you have to have a code to get in with a speaker to record messages in

* ^^ also diaries with locks on them

* combination locks

* hard swing jazz

* mean girls (movie & musical)

* "dark acadamia" literature

* making sure everyone in a fifteen mile radius of him knows that frankenstein was the DOCTOR and the monster was frankenstein's MONSTER

* making up conlangs/ciphers for fun

* ^^ getting the crows to memorize them so they can communicate secretly

* gloves with pads on the fingers that let you use screens

inej:

* tumblr aesthetic moodboards

* taking hyperspecific uquiz personality quizzes

* crystal jewelry

* competitive gymnastics & tumbling

* claw clips & french pins

* colored eyeliner & mascara

* midi skirts

* making boards on pinterest—sharing those boards with jesper & wylan

* ^^ having massive joint pinterest boards with all the crows

* leg warmers

* ballet & "ballet aesthetic"

* any movie with natalie portman

* birkenstocks but specifically the ones with a holder for your big toe (idk if this makes sense)

* phantom of the opera

* oil diffusers

* american girl dolls

jesper:

* laser tag

* rollerskating & roller derby

* plato's closet

* tourist jewelry

* volleyball

* colored & funky shaped sunglasses

* just dance 2

* bruno mars

* fall out boy

* cargo shorts

* hamilton

* finding obscure fashion inspo on pinterest

* showing everyone how he can run barefoot on gravel

* gyaru fashion

* sour candy

* mt. dew

* saying, "i'm just joshing you" ironically

* sneezing extremely loud on purpose when it's dead silent

wylan:

* papa louie arcade games

* laufey

* asmr

* flute beatboxing

* green and brown colored converse

* tumblr aesthetic moodboards

* magnetic puzzle tiles

* percy jackson

* moisturizer with sunscreen in it

* the great comet of 1812

* dr. pepper

* accidentally dropping really traumatizing memories bc he genuinely thinks they're just funny stories from his childhood

* watercolor pencils

* shazam & the google "hum a tune" feature

nina:

* forever 21

* lush

* those mommy baking blogs that post their whole life stories before the recipe

* french tip manicures but in any other color but white

* ^^ also charms on nails

* gel manicures

* megan thee stallion

* lip gloss

* juicy couture

* the met gala

* amy winehouse

* duolingo/memrise/babbel

* panera bread

matthias:

* ^^ also, those mommy baking blogs that post their whole life stories before the recipe

* volunteering at animal shelters

* carhaart & patagonia

* those massage chairs at malls

* apple watches

* buying those massive bottles of ibuprofen at costco

* ^^ buying bulk protein powder from costco

* ^^^ generally he just likes costco & buying things in bulk

* colored fairy lights (HATES LED light strips)

* those big tubs of aquaphor

* vera bradley blankets

* gallon water bottles with the motivational time checkpoints

* at home gyms

* the classic white boy flannel over hoodie combo

* jacuzzis

* massage guns

* steel toe boots

* yawning and sneezing like a dad

* hair and beard oil

[tf2-headcanons-anonymous]

WOAH THIS IS COOL!!!! HI!!!

How about just some head canons of the mercs at the pool?? Anything you come up with!!!

Pool day

What the mercs would be like at the pool

Slight swear warning(?)

Scout

Splashing everyone constantly

Brings a ton of water guns and forces everyone to participate in a water gun fight. He has the fancy expensive water guns too.

Absolutely will compete with anyone to see who can make the biggest splash.

Took him forever to actually learn how to swim.

Yells "CANONBALL!!!" as loud as he can before jumping in the pool.

Forgets to put on sunscreen and gets super sunburnt. Complains to Medic after.

Pushes people into the pool.

Soldier

This man does not know how to swim.

He stays in the shallow end, probably doing some kind of Marine type training.

Takes Scout's water gun fight way too seriously.

If he is pushed into the deep end he just sits still and sinks to the bottom, someone else has to save him

Is a huge enforcer of the pool "rules". No running, no pushing, you have to wait 20 mins after you eat, etc. He does have a whistle with him and will use it.

Pyro

They can swim, they just choose to stay in the shallow end.

They like playing with those toy boats that can actually move in the water when you wind them up.

Buys candy or ice cream from the pool concession stand (We have these where I live idk about other places)

They generally have a lot of fun just sitting by themself in the shallow end playing with random pool toys.

Keeps their mask on unless they choose to actually swim around a bit.

Demoman

Does bring alcohol to the pool, he has to.

Sword fighting with pool noodles, that's all I have to say

Can swim and has a fun time doing it, but everyone is a little nervous with him being drunk in the pool.

Actual cannonball man

Will gladly play that game where someone climbs on his shoulders, and you fight against two other people.

He loves pool games, and he wins most of them.

Made a water balloon canon

Heavy

Is the man cooking a barbeque for everyone.

His food is amazing, and he makes sure the group has a full lunch to keep their energy up.

He'll some hang out in the pool but chooses not to swim all that much.

Brought the cooler full of water bottles, Demo put some of his drinks in there though.

Goes in the deep end once just to save soldier from the bottom.

Engineer

Mostly relaxes in the shallow end as well but goes int the deep end a few times.

Makes sure everyone is drinking enough water.

Brought a pump to blow up the pool floaties with because he doesn't want to do it manually ever again.

His robot hand can hold up in water, but he still keeps it out of the water most of the time just in case.

Hangs out with Pyro for a bit when he realizes they're alone (Sorry i headcanon him as a father figure for Pyro)

Offers to help out with the barbeque

Medic

Somehow the most graceful swimmer in the world.

Is the only one that actually knows proper CPR but prefers to let them die and respawn to "learn their lesson"

Brings some pool floaties for everyone

Also makes sure everyone is drinking water; he's not saving anyone if they pass out.

Tires to get everyone to wear sunscreen because he doesn't want to deal with the complaints of sunburn.

Doesn't help Scout with his sunburn, just says "I told you zis would happen" and gives him some aloe.

Sniper

Doesn't actually go in the pool that much, just sits on the side reading a book or something.

It he does go in the pool he just sits on the edge and puts his legs in the water

Refuses to participate in anything that could get him splashed.

If anyone splashes him, he gets pissed and gets out of the pool again.

Scout shot him with a water gun once, he never did it again.

Uses the water gun fight as an excuse to practice aim but says no one can shoot at him.

Spy

Stays on a floatie the entire time.

Like Sniper in the way that he will get pissed if he's splashed.

Keeps his mask on and puts sunglasses on over it somehow.

Constantly reapplying sunscreen, this man will not get burnet today.

Ends up falling asleep on the floatie and gets woken up by Scout jumping into the pool right beside him, causing him to fall over.

He sits on side with a towel and does not go back in the pool after that. He looks like a pathetic wet cat but still refuses to take his mask off.

Thats it, I hope you like them!

In all honesty, I have based some of this off how people in my family act at the pool.

Sorry if some of my grammar isn't the best

[toastedjeans]

Siren Tower AU!

I wanna keep this more on the silly side, but here's the basic gist of it.

There's a huge tower submerged in the ocean where many sirens and other sea creatures have found a home, and somehow humans have discovered it. They want to study and explore this tower, and the sirens are NOT happy about it, not wanting their home to be potentially destroyed. Pretty reasonable. But now, this random middle aged pizza baker somehow gets roped into this whole mess.

And here's the characters! (I tried to keep their heights accurate but idk if i succeeded)

And down there is some more info about everyone!

HUMANS (and Brick)

Peppino

He still has his pizzeria, but it's located a little closer to town. While business is slightly better than in game, he still has debts. But hey, he has his own apartment!! No more sleeping in the back of the pizzeria or on the floor!!

Peppino will sometimes just come to the shore or the port in the evening or at night to clear his head or be alone with his thoughts. Depressed guy. Will sometimes talk to himself when he thinks he's alone. He isn't necessarily afraid of the ocean, but because he can't swim, once he's in water the fear kicks in and he starts panicking.

He doesn't believe in sirens, mermaids, or other such creatures. Thinks they're just made up to tell scary stories of the sea. Jokes on him, he's about to meet the jolliest shark gnome man he's ever seen.

Brick

A gigantic rat that lives with Peppino, who didn't get a say in this. Just appeared one day, and no matter how many times Peppino tries to get rid of him, Brick always comes back. After a while Pep reluctantly accepts him and sometimes even takes him for a walk.

Brick actually loves to swim, but doesn't stay in the water for too long cause Pep won't join him. Like, he'll just leave if Brick stays too long. Kinda rude if you ask me.

Mr. Stick

Tax and debt collector, and a friend of Peppino. He often comes over for a pizza, then proceeds not to eat much, and rarely pays (he either says he's deducting it from Pep's debts or he lets someone else pay). He's kind of a piece of shit but outside of the whole money business he can be pretty nice.

He strikes me as a gambler tbh, either he's extremely lucky or extremely unlucky. Likes playing poker, and invites Peppino and Hazel to play after work from time to time.

Doesn't believe in sirens, but if he ever saw one he'd try to exploit it for money. He wouldn't kill it or anything though, mainly because he's too weak and he doesn't know how to handle guns.

Noisette / Hazel

She runs a little cafe near Peppino's pizzeria, and is good friends with him, but can sometimes be a little annoying. They hang out after work from time to time. When she notices that Peppino is having a rough day, she'll sometimes bring over a free cup of coffee or a slice of cake for him. Sometimes experiments with... interesting... food combinations, which are strangely popular.

She has loved mermaids and sirens since she was young and is very fond of them. Once she discovers they're real, she becomes even more fascinated and obsessed with them. You better believe she wanted to be a mermaid when she was young.

SIRENS

Gustavo

A little round shark man who is perfect in every way. He's curious and adventurous, and even though sirens and humans are enemies since, uh. A long time. He doesn't believe that humans are inherently evil. He'll help out whenever and however he can, but can get very aggressive when his friends or brethren are threatened. You will regret it if you anger him.

Noise annoys him often but they don't harm each other. He isn't really friends with Noise, but he will defend him if he's threatened or attacked.

One day he saves Peppino from drowning, which makes other sirens sceptical of him, especially those who think humans are evil. He will later try to learn human language to be able to communicate with Peppino better.

Noise

Goblin shark. He can theoretically go on land for a bit, but needs some water nearby. He's a little sceptical about humans, but not outright hostile. He likes annoying pretty much everyone, especially Peppino once they meet (he thinks his reactions are funny).

He throws sea urchins and pufferfish at others like bombs, as he (like most sirens) is immune to their poison / venom. While he's usually an unhinged gremlin, he just about melts when with Hazel. But of course he tries to hide this from others.

Fake Peppino

Created by Pizzahead from DNA of frogs, newts, and Peppino (obviously). He was meant to be a weapon for sirens against humans, and thus is supposed to be hostile. Unfortunately, he turned out to be extremely affectionate, and he loves hugs. Much like Gustavo, when friends are attacked, he can get downright deadly. He can also regenerate body parts like an axolotl, unless his brain has been damaged. Like, you can rip both his arms off and they'll grow back within a day.

He becomes close friends with Gustavo, and is kind of fascinated by Peppino (other humans too, but mostly Peppino). He would play in the water with Brick once they meet, and become friends with Hazel. Can go on land as well, but prefers the water. He communicates with croaks, gurgles and other noises, and can speak very limited human language (very few fractions of words or sentences, it just sounds like gibberish), taught to him by Pizzahead.

Pepperman

Lumpfish (idk either just roll with it). He's kind of indifferent to humans, but he does think he's better than them. I could see him making a brush or something out of seaweed to draw. And then always getting upset that his drawings never stay cause of the water, but he keeps drawing anyway. Blames Noise for destroying his art even if he knows it's the water (Noise thinks it's funny). "Borrows" seaweed from Vigi's farm to make new brushes. But he'll also make statues out of various rocks and other things he finds laying around. Mostly of himself. Some humans think they're built from ancient civilizations, while others think it's some sort of elaborate hoax. Nobody recognizes Pepperman's talent :(

Vigilante

Sea slug. He genuinely believes humans want to kill sirens for nefarious reasons, possibly cause he's a little older i guess. Hands just appear when he needs them.

He has an underwater equivalent of a farm (like, he grows and tends to seaweeds, anemones, corals, etc), that he inherited from his grandpa. He'd love to just tend to the farm all day, but feels obligated to punish anyone who does wrong. Unofficial officer / sheriff of the sea. He still has his cowboy hat because i said so let me be silly on main.

Pizzahead

Ribbon eel. He can give others a little shock as if he had like a hand shocker thing. It mostly just hurts a bit and isn't lethal cause cartoon logic. He does not like humans, but mostly because he grew up with everyone around him telling him they're evil. Actually he's very curious and fascinated by humans, which is why he decided to clone Peppino. Mostly cause he sees him the most on the shore. Somehow. How he actually got his DNA is a mystery.

Later on he decides / attempts to make Fakey into a weapon after witnessing how strong Peppino is. He obsessively learns human language and tries to understand as much about human culture as he can. But he'll twist things around and tell others that he does it to "better understand their weaknesses". Right.

Pizzaface

Stingray. The leader of sirens in the elusive Siren Tower. He HATES humans, especially after some divers discovered the tower and continuously come there to explore. Basically just doesn't want his and his fellow sirens' home discovered or threatened. He's disappointed in Pizzahead because he taught himself human language, even after given an explanation (or excuse).

SPECULATION CORNER

Aka characters i can't quite figure out what to do with yet

Burton

A whale shark bc I can't get enough of sharks apparently. Sharks are cool okay

Alternative: just Mr. Stick's husband who sometimes comes with him to Peppino's

Gerome

A sentient rock and John's older brother, who always took care of him and helped him with the tower. Now just does maintenance and keeps John company.

Alternative: Peppino's janitor, but still made of rock because that's silly

John

A sentient rock that used to carry the tower around through the oceans but somehow got cursed and is now part of the foundation and can't move anymore. Was he a siren before? Or just a pillar? Or maybe a fish made of stone? We don't know.

[total-drama-brainrot]

I'll be honest all I can think of is P!Noah's family react to his tv persona.

Like, they know the littlest of their family is a little unhinged but they know he's not bloodthirsty so they're just a wee bit confused.

(And since Noah has, like, 8 sisters I just like to imagine the rest of their giant family is COMPLETELY normal. Like, they have their own individual quirks like anyone else but they're just normal people.)

If you can't tell one of my favorite dynamics is gremlin x just some guy but in this au it's multiple "just some guy“s and it's platonic.

And they've never actively troed to real P!Noah in either btw. They're perfectly content with their little adrenaline junkie baby brother.

Though it does make me wonder how they react in the P!Noah getting stabbed ask

No, see, this is a part of the AU that I actually have some thoughts for.

P!Noah's whole schtick wouldn't be achievable without the showrunners being aware that he's not really gonna do anything to permanently harm the other competitors- it'd be a PR nightmare to justify having an actual loose canon on the show risking the safety of the other teens. So, at the very least, the producers would know that a lot of his threats of violence or otherwise concerning behaviour are an act. (Or an exaggeration of his wilder tendancies.)

Thankfully, canon has its' own subtle little explanation for keeping someone so 'dangerous' around - Izzy's audition tape(s). In those, Izzy states that she'll do her best to "not be boring", which is probably the line that cemented her inclusion in the show. She's kept around as a conflict starter and an audience engagement device, since her antics are so entertaining to watch.

In a similar vein, in p!Noah's audition tape he explains that he's only auditioning for the show out of boredom, and he mostly sees the whole experience as a relatively quick cash grab - after all, he's wicked smart and plenty talented; it'd be child's play to outperform the other contestants (keep in mind, pretty much all of the OG cast were under the impression that Total Drama was going to be something more akin to a talent-based competition at an island resort). He explains that he's not really interested in the show itself, but it could be fun to spend his summer somewhere new where people don't know him or his eccentricities.

At this point in time, Noah's already got his gameplan planned and set; he's already presenting himself as the stoic and somewhat egotistical bookworm, which honestly isn't too far from his actual personality. Save for his psychotic tendancies, that is. Of course, Noah really is smart - smart enough to know that if he came in guns blazing to an audition tape for what is at it's core a social game, he probably wouldn't be picked.

And then the video is interrupted by one of his siblings, who points out that Noah's idea of "fun" generally consists of tormenting the people around him, providing examples of his more daring pranks from a seemingly endless list.

Then more of his siblings join in, all the while Noah stares towards the camera with a smug smile, which only grows wider - unnaturally wide, with hints of unusually sharp teeth poking from stretched-thin lips - as they share transgression after transgression. The tape ends without elaboration, nothing but a still frame of Noah's sinister smirk.

These pranks themself start off pretty tame sounding, like rigging water balloons full of vinegar above doorsteps. They quickly devolve into Noah cutting the breaks on his teacher's car after recieving an unfair grade, mowing down his classmates on a renegade bumper cart during a school trip to a theme park, and things along those lines. Chris, and more importantly the producers, feel a sense of sadistic kinship with the little psycho after hearing about his dangerous endeavours, and cast him on the spot.

So he's chosen to compete for a similar reason as Izzy; to wreak havoc in an entertaining way, and hopefully to kickstart drama.

His family are fully aware of this, though they don't fully anticipate the gleeful sort of vigour Noah has towards tormenting his castmates whilst remaining undetected... by the castmates. They do, however, expect Noah's sly grins and menacing smirks he throws towards the cameras before each successful prank he pulls off with Izzy. And the blank, uncannily empty stares he fixes towards the audience from the background of challenge footage - as if Noah himself can see through the lens into their souls.

After all, they've dealt with him for his whole life. They know his tricks, they've lived his tricks. The whole family has become accustomed to their baby brother who doesn't fully understand concepts like morality and empathy and, as such, can be a little silly sometimes. And they all know just how committed Noah can be to things he finds fun and interesting.

Their first bout of genuine surprise is during one of his later confessionals, when Noah gets too into the persona he's cultivated and starts portraying himself as violent and out for blood.

In Noah's head, he's just upping the ante of his metasocial game. For his family? They know he isn't nearly as violent as he's portraying himself as.

Sure, he's a little impulsive and thrill-seeking, but he's never had a fascination with blood or sharp objects of whatever else he tries to claim in the confessional. When Noah gets home from his stint on Island his siblings are lining up to berate him for his act - doesn't he realise how dangerous portraying himself as an unstable lunatic for the world to see is?

He justifies that anyone who believed his act is an idiot. It's reality TV - anyone with half a brain knows that things are exaggerated for entertainment purposes. He was just giving the editors something good to work with.

Noah is promptly dogpiled by eight irate older siblings.

(I'm also a big fan of "gremlin & just some guy", in this case it's gremlin & many exasperated some guys who aren't afraid of the gremlin. The rest of his family are perfectly normal people who just so happen to know how to deal with somewhat morally bereft hijinks and tomfoolery thanks to their youngest member. P!Noah has an incredibly healthy home life, he's just like that by design.)

As for the stabbing ask; I'm not sure if I want that little scenario to be "canon" to this AU, (and if it is, it'll be re-written with things like context in mind, as opposed to the shitty sleep-deprived drabble I wrote way back when) but if any of his family witnessed Noah being stabbed on international TV the whole brood would be storming the network's headquaters and/or chasing down the Jumbo Jet to get to him. He's The Baby™, you can't stab The Baby™. (Though, inwardly, they'd all agree that it was karma in action. Noah was tempting fate by playing around with knifes for so long, it was only a matter of time before someone got stabbed.)

[fandomregression]

if you're still doing requests, jonny dville regressor hcs perhaps?

Regressor Jonny D'ville Headcanons!

absolute brat. biggest brat in the universe. oh my god he drives everyone crazy and he knows it, and he loves it

it takes approximately ten minutes after discovering jonny regresses for brian to take away his guns. this, of course, leads to issues. jonny holds his breath until he passes out, screams, does whatever he can think of to get his guns back. they compromise, and jonny gets nerf guns when he's small

this is still a terrible idea

brian regrets being the first one to step up and try to take care of jonny

jonny is very close with nastya, and he does like to run off and play with her when he feels small. of course, "playing" looks more like playing the "what's that for?" game while nastya works

ashes is very good with him, and they are able to get jonny to settle down when no one else can. they are also the only reason he will ever have one vegetable, big or small

king of tantrums. dear lord

ashes steps in to stop the tantrums, because they're the only one who can. they accomplish this by scooping him up under the arms and letting him dangle in the air until he gets tired

cuddliest lil guy, but only sometimes. no one can just ask him if he wants a cuddle and expect good results, instead he's much more like a cat. jonny will suddenly appear beside whoever he wants cuddles from, wrapped in a blankie, and he will just. plop down. this is not a choice anyone can make, the baby wants cuddles and he's gonna get them

despite calling him a baby (never My Baby by anyone, just The Baby), and despite his love of pacis (since marius confiscates his cigarettes), jonny regresses to a kiddo more around 6-8. he just likes more baby-ish things, but he is very independent

will at times refuse to walk, will only scuttle on the floor

he actually really loves baths, and it's a very easy way for someone to calm him down. just run him a bubble bath, give him some bath crayons and toys, and he's happy as could be. just don't let the water get too cold

loves magic! he is so easily entertained by magic tricks, card tricks, and it's not hard to blow his mind. it keeps him occupied, especially when he tries to recreate the trick

he loves cuddling with ivy because she reads him stories while he's with her, and it makes him comfy enough to almost take a nap. almost

refuses naps until he collapses out of exhaustion, and he will never learn his lesson

you know those lil baby yogurt snacks? yeah. shoveling those in by the fistful. he loves them so much

everyone knows he likes regressing because he had a bad childhood, and because he does actually have quite a bit of anxiety, so even though he can be a lot to handle, they still don't mind taking care of him <3

tim sure would love it if jonny would stop biting him though

sorry this is SO late!!! i hope you like these 🙏 jonny is such a menace and i love himb

[thecreaturecodex]

Slig

Concept art by Steven Olds, © Oddworld Inhabitants. Accessed at the Oddworld Wiki here

[Sponsored by @martyslittleusedblog. They're been trying to get me interested in monsters from platforming games for a while, and this is what hooked me. Partially because I remember Oddworld and Abe's Odyssee for the PS1. My cousin was the one with the Playstation, and he didn't like the game, but I remember poring over the manual and delighting in the concepts and the art. A dystopian game where a low level employee at a meat packing plant fights a corporate empire and becomes a reluctant Chosen One? Yes please!

The sligs are the main grunt force of said corporate empire, the Magog Cartel. Imagine if koopas carried shotguns. Apparently a slig slave revolt is a plot point in one of the later games. Good for them. If you're super worried about game balance, this is another monster, like the watchuka, that has a lot of treasure for its CR because guns and other ranged weapons are very expensive in Pathfinder 1e.]

Slig CR 4 NE Aberration This green skinned creature has a squid-like head with five finger-like feelers surrounding its mouth. It has large muscular arms and metal legs. It wears a set of red-tinted goggles and carries a large gun.

Sligs are eusocial mollusk-like creatures native to the swamps of the planet Mudos. They are most commonly found elsewhere as grunts, soldiers and assassins, as their queens have gladly sold the entire species to the Magog Cartel, a massive industrial empire. In exchange for unquestioning service, the Cartel provides sligs with greater mobility. A slig is born with strong forelimbs and stunted hind limbs, perfectly serviceable for pulling themselves between bodies of water, but good for little else. A slig in slig pants, however, can walk, jump and use its arms for carrying weapons; typically guns. Sligs love guns. Most sligs also wear goggles on a regular basis, both to protect their eyes (they are naturally nocturnal and live in foggy swamps) and because higher ups in the Magog Cartel find their beady eyes aesthetically displeasing.

Few sligs are very bright, but most of them are very cruel. Unlike many other eusocial sapient species but more similar to bumblebees and paper wasps, there is frequent infighting among sligs as they jockey for rank. The Cartel has managed to channel that into organized contests like kill counts, employee of the month bonuses and frequent games. Another privilege is the use of names—all sligs have a name, but using it publicly instead of a number and rank has to be earned by service to the Cartel. Sligs off duty are often found playing card games or sports, and those not playing are usually betting their spare income on such matches.

A slig stands about five feet tall. They are short lived, and considered adults by 2 years and ancient by 20.

Variant Sligs Sligs are naturally morphologically plastic, as they respond quickly to changes in hormone levels. In addition, different sligs may have different abilities due to different equipment and cybernetics bestowed on them by the Magog Cartel.  For example, Big Bro sligs are Large sligs who have to be equipped with special four-legged slig pants to support their weight, and are often given automatic weapons. Some sligs are given flying harnesses instead of pants—they have a fly speed of 40 feet (perfect), but no land speed. Other sligs, especially with class levels, may be equipped with heavier armor, flamethrowers, or rocket launchers.  

Slig          CR 4 XP 1,200 NE Medium aberration (aquatic) Init +2; Senses darkvision 60 ft., Perception +6 Defense AC 17, touch 12, flat-footed 15(+2 Dex, +3 natural, +2 armor) hp 47 (5d8+25) Fort +5, Ref +3, Will +4 Weakness light blindness Offense Speed 30 ft., swim 20 ft. Melee 2 slams +4 (1d6+1) or heavy mace +4 (1d8+1) Ranged masterwork shotgun +6 (1d8) Statistics Str 13, Dex 15, Con 18, Int 8, Wis 10, Cha 11 Base Atk +3; CMB +5; CMD 16 Feats Deadly Aim, Exotic Weapon Proficiency (firearms) (B), Gunsmithing (B), Point Blank Shot, Toughness Skills Acrobatics +8 (+12 when jumping), Craft (firearms) +2, Knowledge (engineering) +5, Perception +6, Survival +6 Languages Common, Slig SQ amphibious, slig pants, uplifted Ecology Environment any land Organization solitary, pair, squad (3-8), troop (9-24) or army (25-100) Treasure standard (veemod goggles with brown veemod, 2 batteries, masterwork shotgun with 10 pellet cartridges and 10 slug cartridges, heavy mace, other treasure) Special Abilities Slig Pants (Ex) Most sligs encountered wear slig pants, a set of robotic lower legs designed for a slig to sit in and control. These pants grant the slig a 30 foot land speed, a +2 armor bonus to AC (that doesn’t stack with worn armor) and a +4 racial bonus to Acrobatics checks. A slig without its pants on has a land speed of only 5 feet, and cannot use manufactured weapons as it needs its hands to move. A slig without pants is a CR 3 creature. A slig’s pants are destroyed when the creature is slain (and cannot be worn by anything besides a slig regardless). Uplifted (Ex) A slig gains Exotic Weapon Proficiency (firearms) and Gunsmithing as bonus feats.

[morgenstern16]

I played about ten hours of Fallout 4 in Survival Mode and I think this might be the platonic Fallout 4 experience. For those who don't know, survival mode is the ultimate hard mode in Fallout 4 and the changes it makes completely alter how you play the game.

The most fundamental change survival mode makes is that you can only save when you go to sleep at a bed. These can be scattered quite a ways from each other, and if you aren't regularly sleeping, you could lose a lot of progress if you get unlucky. And the thing is that in survival, you need all the luck you can get, because it is vastly more lethal than regular gameplay.

Enemies do way more damage to you, to the point where even a handful of grazing shots can force you to retreat. Firefights you could reliably tank in normal mode will kill you in seconds. That small band of raiders in normal gameplay that act as a roadbump are a serious threat in survival mode. Get jumped by ghouls? Prepare for the fight of your life. Power armor, which in normal gameplay feels like overkill for 99% of all fights, is a necessity for taking on any large fortress or settlement and walking out of there alive.

Healing is much slower in survival, so you can't heal your way through a firefight. If you take damage, it's not going to heal in time for the next round of bullets or melee strikes. Hell, it's probably not going to heal until the entire firefight is done with. Given that the quickest way to make enemies not damage you is to kill them, this also means that reloading is absolutely terrifying. You may be ducking around cover to fall back, but if the enemy decides to pursue, it could mean being sent to your last save.

This also means that any sort of combat ally, such as a walking protectron or merc helper, is a godsend in combat, not only acting as a distraction but providing valuable fire support. I did an entire quest with an NPC merc along my side and by the end I was genuinely grateful for his help, instead of seeing him as an asshole getting in the way of my gun. Proper companions are always helpful, but they're especially helpful here, as they can be healed if they go down covering for you.

They also fill the role of walking backpack, which is very helpful when everything has weight. You can't carry 5 million pounds worth of every type of ammo at all times, you need to decide what types of ammo are worth collecting and holding onto. As your weapons improve, so does their weight, and all the junk you need to sell or use for upgrade gets harder and harder to carry back home.

On top of all this, you need to manage your hunger, health, thirst, and sleep. If you aren't taking care of your body by eating, drinking, and sleeping regularly, your stats will get worse and worse until you eventually die. Not only that, but you can't use food and water to restore your health unless your basic needs are already topped off. So before you go out scavenging out in the wasteland or going on a quest, you need to fill up on all your basic needs and bring supplies with you so you aren't caught starving while out in the field.

Now these are more than just a timer. Remember how I said how combat is much more lethal in survival? Well one of the ways you can even the odds is by using combat drugs. These can boost your damage, increase your defence, or even slow down time. It can very easily be the difference between life and death. In normal gameplay, the downside is getting addicted, which causes stat debuffs if you start going through withdrawal (addiction can be fixed though by going to a doctor or by taking meds, but those are few and far in between). In survival, these also put a lot of strain on your body, drastically cutting into your need for sleep, food, or water. In a sense, carrying supplies is what allows you to go all out in an emergency, letting you pull off maneuvers you have no right to.

Now here's another big change survival mode makes to the game: no fast travel. You can't press a button and travel to the other side of the map instantly. You have to haul ass over there yourself. This isn't as long as it looks once you start clearing out the map and you can just run from place to place, but it means you need a lot more safe places to rest and heal up at. This means you have to really engage with the settlement system to create a network of bases at which you can resupply at. Settlements aren't just a cute little minigame anymore, they're a vital part of your exploration. Building up all these settlements also means you need to engage with merchants much more in order to get rare parts instead of just scavenging when you need them.

In short, survival mode brings all the disparate parts of the game together that really makes Fallout 4 feel like a real cohesive game with a unique emergent narrative. It is deeply frustrating at times but when you can actually scrape out a win against the hellish beasts of the wasteland you feel incredible. I don't know how far I'll be able to get in the game with survival mode on but I'm willing to try.

[maddymoreau]

I LOVE that we ended up having the same favorite companion, Raul is the best!!

YESSSSSSS 🤝!!!!! RAUL REALLY IS THE BEST!!!!!! I LOVE HIM AND HIS STORY SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

His line before the Second Battle of Hoover Dam made me AN EMOTIONAL MESS ( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ _ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ )!!!!!!

I’M HIJACKING THIS ASK TO RAMBLE ABOUT MY HEADCANONS INVOLVING RAUL!!!

• He’s AroAce

• When upgrading the Presidential Suite in the Lucky 38, Madison (Courier Six) gets the Sunset Sarsaparilla Vending Machine just for Raul. While it comes out of her pay Mr. House restocks it regularly.

• Raul and her both LOVE and bond over sweets. In the beginning Raul would play the 😔 “At my age this might be my last chance to enjoy something sweet” card. It worked every-time on her.

• When Raul gets bubble gum he gives her the temporary tattoo it comes with. Madison hands them out to kids she encounters on her travels (Freeside, The Boomers ETC.)

• She indulges Raul’s sweet tooth to the point he has to go see Dr. Usanagi to get a bad cavity fixed and a few teeth implants.

• Raul teaches her about basic weapon repair. However not enough that she doesn’t need him.

• Together they collect the Star Sunset Sarsaparilla Caps. While not surprised they're both disappointed by the reward. Raul keeps the Pew Pew gun while Madison gives the toy deputy badges to kids.

Afterwards they continue to collect the Star Sunset Sarsaparilla Caps. Inside the Lucky 38 there’s a jar filled with them.

• Out of all the human companions, Raul is the one Madison trusts the most. She will privately discuss Mr. House's plans and what he wants her to do. Madison loves all her companions but knows not everyone would support the actions Mr. House deems necessary. Madison believes once they see the results, they’ll understand. Which obviously isn't the case.

Other companions are uncertain, but Raul is completely aware how loyal Madison is to Mr. House.

Arcade is the best example saying, “I have to say I don't understand where you're going with Mr. House. The man's been manipulating the locals for as long as anyone can remember. If you help him kick the NCR and Legion out, he's going to keep right on doing it. The people in Freeside will be just as bad off as they ever were. If you can find a way to push Mr. House out of the picture as well, I think everyone will be better off."

• Before Raul leaves for his own journey post game, Madison gives him a custom medal. She designed it but commissioned Michael Angelo to make it. It’s something Raul always wears.

• Although Raul becomes the Ghost-Vaquero who hunts down those who prey on the weak. Raul still makes it a point to visit her from time to time. He knows she’d miss his beautiful face.

• While unintentional when Raul visits they ALWAYS end up taking a nap together. They’ll be sitting on one of the couches talking then BOOM knocked out. Old habits die hard.

• Since Madison’s medicine skill is really high she’ll massage Raul and try to help him with his pain.

• Speaking of which after the Second Battle of Hoover Dam Madison’s first luxury purchase is renting out the ENTIRE Ultra-Luxe Casino’s bathhouse.

I imagine they don't typically allow Ghouls in there so she uses this chance to try and help Raul.

Since soaking in salt water has a lot of benefits for your health like easing muscle cramps, relieving stiffness in joints, back pain ETC. She wants to show Raul her appreciation for everything he’s done for her. Also they’re both extremely sore after that huge battle.

I’m not sure if the saltwater used in the Ultra-Luxe Casino is sterile but if it is it’d also be good for any open wounds Raul might have as a Ghoul.

• Madison offers to cover the entire cost for Raul to be put in a chamber similar to Mr. House’s. However he rejects her offer. When Raul eventually dies she broadcasts a recording of a mariachi band through every radio. She doesn't announce his death wanting the legend of the Ghost-Vaquero to live on forever.

This exchange perfectly describes their bond:

Madison: "Come, Raul, adventure awaits!"

Raul: "Sorry boss, but as much as I'd like to risk getting killed by your side, you seem to already have some help." or "Words cannot contain my excitement at the chance to throw myself headlong into danger with you again, boss."

[nevadas-night-time-novelist]

Oh, speaking of those madcom x knocked up reader, I’ve been meaning to ask… Do you think you could do some with Chopper Dave, Q-Bert and Skinner? You don’t have to ofc just. Asking

Cant be any characters left surely @_@ xD

Dis gon be looooong, get a snack or two, and some water.

Knocked up [Chopper Dave, Q-Bert, Skinner]

CW: AFAB reader, gender neutral, pregnancy warning

Dave

You were lounging on Dave's bed, waiting for him to finish fetching his charge back, a strong grunt with powers unmatched by any. They were highly favoured by all in the building, and your boyfriend shared in that admiration.

Killing time by playing games on your tablet, awaiting your man to ambush him with the news. You'd missed a cycle, and decided to take a test, which sat in the bathroom bin wrapped in toiler paper, cross marked. Positive.

It's not like you'd been actively trying for a child, but you weren't being careful either, let nature take her course and that course was parenthood. The door slid open, and your lover stepped in, beaming when he saw you. "Ello love,"

He removed his hat, placing it on the coat rack before strolling over and giving you a sweet kiss. "hope you 'aven't been too bored waiting for me, pigeon." His love of the sky invaded everything in his life, even his pet names for you, always something to do with birds.

"Hi Davey." You greeted back, nuzzling into his palm. "No, I've been playing GruntCraft. Built some silly things in creative mode. You wanna see?" He took off his jacket, revealing his sweaty t shirt, when he was out of the sky, his jacket cooked him.

"Sure thing, hen." He sat next to you, his hand massaging your back instinctively, his love language being physical touch. His fingertips sent pleasant shivers up your spine.

You shifted your character around and showed off some of the builds, getting a laugh as you showed off your giant wool sheep, with actual sheep inside it's hollow body. "Davey, there's something important I need to tell you."

"Your sheep building skills are baaahhdass. I already know." Dave grinned at you, his suave British charm making your heart flutter. You rolled your eyes and kissed his cheek, he was a goofball and you loved that about him.

"Its important, Dave." He lifted his arm, and you cuddled close into him, his familiar scent calming you down, yet exciting you too. "We're gonna have a baby."

Confusion crossed his features. "You what bird?" His brows knitted together. "That's a daft joke."

"It's not a joke honey. You can check in the bathroom bin, there's a test in there. You and me, we're having a baby." Dave's eyes lit up and he covered your face in kisses, his stubble scratching up your chin.

"We're pregnant? Really? Oh pidge we're gonna have a little aviator! Ach, we can paint their room to look like the sky, hang little planes up, and and-"

"Easy tiger," You laughed, music to his ears. Just when he thought he couldn't possibly fall deeper in love with you, you were going to carry his child. "we've got months to prepare. Besides, what if he or she prefers boat?"

Dave let out a dramatic gasp. "Then they're no child of mine!" He snorted and chuckled, unable to keep his fake shock up for a mere moment.

News quickly spread about your immanent baby, Dave gushing to everyone about his wonderful partner and their soon to be physical form of love for each other.

Bossman seemed to zone out when he talked, nodding along with the occasional "Mmmhmm."

Q-Bert rolled his eyes anytime the subject was brought up. "Are ye actually gonna buy somethin' or are ye jus' gon' waste my time again?"

Skinner was amused, letting him talk freely as much as his heart desired. "It's very rare that babies are even conceived in all of Nevada, let alone one right in this base. I'm sure they'll be a wonderful boost to morale."

None of the chefs gave him the time of day, he wasn't there for guns, so they had no interest.

Doc seemed sceptical to begin with, but would sometimes offer his own advice, having had a hand in Deimos' birth, and raising the little ankle biter. "Best advice I can really offer? Sleep when the baby sleeps. Don't try and sleep regularly, you'll be on baby time until they settle."

The mysterious grunt who seemed to build up the SQ didn't speak to anyone most of the time, would silently listen to Dave going on about anything and everything. "Hey listen, if uh, y'see anything sweet out there, like candy or chocolate, would you mind bringing some back? Pregnancy cravings are a bitch when you don't got much to work with." And faithfully, they'd always end up with something you'd enjoy.

Evenings and nights were blissful for the most part, a snack in hand while Dave talked about his day, interesting things he saw while flying, or a brief rundown of whatever the leader was up to that day. He was always massaging your feet which ached thanks to the added weight, or your tummy so he could hopefully coax a kick out of his little one.

"Does it hurt? When they kick." He perked up one night, hand over your active baby's writhing.

"No, but it's weird. Nice, but weird. At least we know they're healthy." You smiled, and Dave rested his head on your stomach.

"Aye, want nothing more than to have a healthy mite."

"What about yours?"

"Ey?" You poked Dave's gut.

"Your baby, does it kick?"

His cheeks turned red. "Oi! Cheeky bird! Don't insult my love handles. I'll have you know I worked very hard to get this dad bod for you."

Sleeping together was nice, you'd sleep on your side, a pillow between your legs, since it was most comfortable, and Dave would have an arm around your belly, spooning you from behind, keeping you safe in his grasp.

He'd cut back slightly on his drinking, slowly but surely becoming less indulgent on intoxicants to have a good time, enjoying just living in the moment with you, working towards the future.

Decorating the new nursery was a lot of effort too, he'd always work up a sweat painting, decorating, building baby essentials, it helped slim down his figure a little, but he was still plenty squishable and lovable.

He still had a job to do, indebted to the silent boss of the building, always flying them back and forth even if he wanted to hang around the closer your expectant day came. Alas, he was out flying when the action kicked off.

Bossman luckily had been passing by when you called out for help, and he rushed off to get Skinner, who easily picked you up and carried you to his office with care. You cried out for Dave, but he was absent, and Bossman was constantly pacing, calling him over the radio constantly.

"Don't worry, even if Dave isn't here, you're in safe hands." Skinner reassured you, wiping your forehead with a damp cloth.

"Why did he have to go out today?" You sobbed, this was scary, you had to face this alone, and he promised he'd be here for you. But he wasn't. "I hate him!"

Skinner nodded to his nurse, who took over caring for you while be busied himself at your other end. "You don't hate him, you're just upset he's not here." The nurse was kind, he was doing his best to soothe you. "I'm sure he's on his way as soon as possible."

Hours later, the door slid open, and Dave came running in. "PIGEON!" He yelled, running to your side. "I'm so sorry, boss wanted a lift to the otherside of Nevada and I-I I'm sorry!" He was crying, clearly upset about not being here the whole time.

"You're here now at least." You took Dave's hand. "You're here for the worst of it." He didn't leave your side, even as you crushed his hand. Eventually, you successfully delivered a baby girl, which Dave had insisted on naming Ava.

Q-Bert

You and Q-Bert weren't dating, more of a situationship. Both had urges, and could help each other out, and that worked fine. Until it didn't.

He was at his usual post, chewing tobacco behind his shop, legs crossed and propped on his desk, arms folded behind his head. You stepped up to his space, and he lifted his head, shadows cast over his eyes.

"Alright lovely?" Bert greeted you with a grin, his brown stained teeth coated in fresh poison. His accent was intoxicating, everything about him was. From a foreign land, with a strange voice and weird customs, like .... Haggis.

"Hope you've brought your wallet, 'coz I ain't able to scratch yer itches right now, as nice as the break would be. Mmmhh, actually, scratch that. Maybe if yer wantin' somethin' quick."

"Not right now, Bert. There's uh, a slight issue with our... thing." You felt flustered, even when he was being a perverted bastard, it was still charming. Bert spat his chew into the bin to his left and sighed.

"Yer callin' it off? Guess I should'a seen it comin'." His lip stuck out, he'd have to find someone else to bunk with now, which was gonna suck. But of course a pretty thing like you would move on and find someone willing to commit with them. He knew he couldn't, and he'd told you that. Commitment issues, never one to settle down.

"No, hear me out Bert." Rip off the bandaid. "I'm pregnant, and you're the father." That made him freeze up.

"Ye... yer sure about that?" You nodded to him, throwing your positive test onto his desk. "...'Ow do I know it's my wee bairn?"

He was starting to get under your skin. "You think I've been getting cosy with the other guys? Really? You think that I'm like that?"

Q-Bert got to his feet, raising his hands. "Nay 'course not. I just.. Shit.. Look I've had a few flames who pulled a stunt like this, they were lying just tae get tae me money."

"I don't give a fuck about the money!" You snapped at him. "I thought you knew that." Turning you back to him, you heaved out a sigh. "Look, I can do this myself if you don't want a part in it. Bossman, Skinner and Doc will be more than happy to help." As you began to head back to your room, arms wrapped around your middle.

"Nae, don' go. I'm sorry. A've been fucked over a lot in life, orite? Gettin' close to people ain't really been ma thing. But you, fuck, a've let a few of me walls down fer you. I canne promise you commitment, that's a big ask and I canne agree, but I'll do everything I can to keep you an' our wee bairn in good hands."

As previously stated, Bert isn't a good support system, unless you directly tell him what you need. He doesn't take hints well, but you can tell he's trying his best. "Ye look like ye could use a drink."

"I can't drink while pregnant, remember?"

"Oh.. right yeh." Bert would visit your quarters more often, bringing snacks he'd gotten in exchange for a few favours. His profits were biting a little, but a few bullets in exchange for your favourite candy was a worthy sacrifice. "Look, I got some of yer favourite crisps."

You graciously accepted his offerings, feeling like a dragon atop a snack hoard while your knight added to your pile.

Even when he was behind the desk, he'd have time for you. You could have the comfiest chair in his little room, or if he was laying back and lounging, you could cuddle into him, he'd rub your aching back and hips. Even as you got heavier, he didn't complain too much, just adjusting himself slightly to deal with the baby weight.

Sometimes he'd invite you back to his room to sleep next to him, missing the company. Despite saying he'd probably find someone else to share his time with, he didn't.

Other times you'd fall asleep alone in your bed, and wake up to his arms around you, his face buried into your back, hair, or shoulder. The distance between you and him made his heart ache, as much as he hated to admit it. He'd grown too fond of you, and he felt insecure, worried that something would ruin this piece of happiness he'd come to enjoy.

But... the pain never came.

With you, god with you he felt secure. He felt safe. And for the first time, in a long, long time, he felt genuinely happy. Of course you were different, you were carrying his baby for christ-sake. You'd sheltered and protected him, loved him like no other, and he finally opened his eyes to the fact.

One night you were laying in bed, and he entered, expecting you to be asleep as usual as he settled next to you. "Och..." His hand grazed your arm, softly and sweetly. "I love you so much." His stubble scratched your cheek as he kissed it.

"I love you too Bert." You mumbled tiredly, and he froze.

"Yer... awake?" You let out a noise of confirmation, and his face turned beet red, but it was thankfully masked by the darkness. "I.. dunno what tae say."

"Nothing, I'm tired and want to sleep, we can talk about it tomorrow, okay?" You carefully rolled over, facing him, seeing his expression soften in the dim light of the room.

"Alright love," He leaned in, kissing you tenderly, a hint of minty mouthwash on his lips.

It was another day in his office, lounging on him while he stroked your hair, chewing his tobacco and humming away when something ran down your legs. "Did ye just piss on me?" Q-Bert looked mortified. "If ye needed tae go ye shoulda said!"

"No, that's... You need to go get Skinner." The walk around the base would've been too much for your tired legs, so it was easier, and safer, to have the big doc carry you around.

Skinner suggested an epidural, which you decided to take. It hurt like hell to start with, but he swore it would make delivery easier for you. After hours and hours of body straining work, the G3 proudly announced. "It's a boy! And a chubby one too! Look at his fat little face!"

You looked at Bert, face sweaty and flush. "Magnum it is then." He'd asked you if you'd consider naming the child after a gun, which ... was weird but hey, why not.

Laying with a now settled newborn in your arms, Bert leaning over the bed to rub his cheek softly. "I'm gonna need tae get a beby holster."

Skinner

It started a few months ago, your favourite doctor snuggling you into the crook of his arm as you prepared to sleep, him absentmindedly scrolling down his social feed until something caught his interest.

"Hmm.. Seems an old friend of mine birthed a child recently." You were nearly in dreamland, his sudden voice waking you up slightly.

"Really? Interesting." You yawned, not out of disinterest, but pure exhaustion.

"What's even more intriguing is the fact she's a G3, like me. And her partner is just a normal grunt. It would seem my kind is capable of producing offspring after all. Curious." Sitting up slightly, you glanced at his screen, seeing a proud looking G3 with a baby in her arms, her partner equally as delighted with their little hybrid baby.

By all accounts, it was just like any other baby grunt, tiny enough in size, the only large feature from their mother they currently possessed were the thick, long eyelashes. "Drs. Eleanor Porter and Malicious Magnificent welcome their newest family member.. Proving once again life overcomes all in Eden.

Porter and I used to study together, both preferring to aid the hurt instead of shed blood like our other G3s. I'm glad she's doing well." Skinner's eyes lingered on the child, the beaming smiles on the tiny family's faces.

"Do.. you want a baby?" He looked at you, his smile carved permanently into his features. To some, G3s were Frankenstein monsters, to others their defining features made them more beautiful.

His massive hand cupped your cheek, eyes softening. "With you? Of course. I could think of nothing greater than being the one who gets to create a life with you."

"C'mere beautiful," You held his face in your hands too, giving him a loving kiss on his teeth. "you're gonna be the best dad."

Skinner set his tablet down, getting comfortable next to you. "We're going to have to closely monitor your heat cycles, picking out the best time to....Procreate." He was incredibly embarrassed about it, being posh and prudish was by default built into G3s.

A few months of trying and you could now share the happy news. "Hey smiles," You wandered into medbay, seeing him rummaging around in his new supplies.

"Hello dear!" He set the box down, coming over to greet you with a hug and a kiss, his usual greeting to you. "I got some new bits from our friends, something you might like!" He took your hand and guided you over, pulling out prenatal vitamins. "It took a while to find these, but I managed to strike a deal with an Employer, and she helped me out."

"An Employer? Honey, are you sure you know what you're getting into? They're... Not the best people." You wondered what this had cost him.

"This one is! Dreamer is a compassionate one, I told her about our dreams and she offered to help."

You knew vaguely of the Dreamer, the sandman of Nevada, one who walks in dreams. "No strings attached?"

"None! She's very nice, if you make the effort to seek her out. But it is a lot of effort, let me tell you that."

You got on your tiptoes and kissed Skinner. "Okay, I trust you. I guess I should start taking these now, right?"

"Hmm? Oooh!" Skinner looked excited. "Are you-?"

"Yes!" He picked you up in his arms and spun you around, his face glowing with pride.

"We're having a baby!!" He stopped spinning and nuzzled his face into your neck. "Oh, boy, girl? Both? There's so much to cover! At least I get to do this with you, my other half, my better half. You're in good medical hands, only the very best for my sweet partner."

Being with him was a breeze, everyone loved the medic and his partner, and would lend a hand at any chance to either of you. Bossman agreed to paint the nursery, going with a yellow theme since it's a rare colour out in the world, and it's gender neutral. Plus he has a box of rubber ducks he can use for more decor

A few old crates from Q-Bert with a little TLC made a stable crib, stuffed with anything soft the team could find, from pillows, to blankets, to stuffed toys. This baby was going to have the whole base lending a hand to raise it, a sense of community and duty falling on everyone.

Skinner made sure to get you into his office routinely, checking up on both you and baby, quivering with excitement every time. "I think it's about time we can use the ultrasound machine to have a good look at our little one!" He was an excited puppy, eagerly patting the medical bed while pulling the machine over.

"This will be cold, fair warning." Your stomach chilled as he carefully applied the gel, and the two of you looked to the screen as he guided the device over your womb, catching sight of a little figure wriggling around inside.

"Oh my, so tiny." You smiled sweetly, seeing the budding life inside of you for the first time. "Half of you, half of me, all perfect." Skinner put the device down and kissed you tenderly.

"All the perfection comes from you, my dearest." You interlaced your fingers with his, his massive hands making yours look tiny by comparison.

"Nope, you're a perfect man, you were built to be perfect." You kissed him back, giggling slightly as his eyes widened before closing, he leaned into you and let out a content sigh.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" Skinner's eyes were half lidded, he was maddeningly in love.

"A few times, here and there." You joked, this man told you daily of his affections, how you were absolutely everything to him.

Months flew by, your expected date drawing closer and closer, all while doted on your massive man. There was nothing in this world he wouldn't do, foot rubs, pregnancy cravings, massages, holding your hair as your body went through morning sickness. Sweet butterfly kisses on your belly, music to help stimulate your daughter, time spent cuddling up and talking to the little one... Who was getting rather big.

"I think she's growing a bit too much, don't you?" You looked mildly concerned at your latest ultrasound, and down to your stomach. "What if she's getting your genes? How am I gonna deliver a massive baby?"

"Well... I suppose. She is sizeable, I could induce you, she's a little early for sure, but we have the means to support her if she is." Skinner tapped his chin. "Entirely depends on what you think is best for you two.

I could also perform a C-section, which would negate the need for a natural delivery with such a huge baby. That would put you out of action for at least six weeks however. It's quite a burden on your body. But equally, I suppose the natural route could do that too."

"I think... Induction would be easiest. Do you think we could maybe.. do it sooner rather than later? Like... Today? I'm just worried if she gets any bigger, it's really going to do a lot of damage to my body."

"T-today? I'll have to call my nurse in, but yes, I could do, if that's what you want." Skinner kissed your cheek. "I promise you dear, I'm going to do everything to make this easy for you."

Skinner made sure you were well medicated though an epidural, he was careful and considerate, as he promised he would be. Delivery was slow, making you weak and exhausted, but eventually, your baby girl was welcomed to the world.

As expected, she was a large baby, tiny claws at the end of her fingers, a tuft of grey hair already forming on her head, she had a set of lungs on her, wailing out for the base to hear.

A darkness came from the corner, an Employer taking shape, had you not been so numb and sore, you'd have freaked out. Purple eyes full of stars formed, and a soothing voice rolled out. "You've done well, I'm proud of you." She was ethereal, almost made of smoke, body gliding over the tile floor.

Carefully Dreamer laid a hand over your forehead, and at once you felt relief and relaxed. "I figured it only right to visit my gift to you, life is truly precious, especially at such a tender time" She turned to Skinner. "Take care of them, I know it doesn't need saying to you, but, all the same." And she was gone.

In that time, your baby had stopped crying, still in her father's arms, swaddled safely in a purple star covered blanket, and he handed her to you. "She's happy, she's healthy, she's absolutely everything I'd hoped for. My darling, there's nothing else in this world I could ask for."

"How about... we call her Celestial?" You smiled with tired eyes and Skinner kissed you.

"Blessed by the dream-weaver, I see no other name befitting of such a wonderful infant, gifted by the stars above." And baby Celeste was truly a blessing.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

sorry if you've already been asked about this before, but have you talked about the Port Mafia Onsen Drama CD at all? The part where Chuuya takes care of Akutagawa in the bath (whilst complaining about it the whole time, but still doing it) and later tries to reverse-psychology Aku into taking care of himself by basically saying he can't impress Dazai if he doesn't take care of himself first makes me 😭 It's a rare moment of gentleness from him that I don't think gets talked about enough. He's also weirdly kind in his approximation of Dazai's motives when speaking to Akutagawa, and I can't imagine him just saying that to comfort Aku, but idk. What do you think?

I love the drama cds. They're so silly and it's nice to see the cast on their days off - wan vibes but there's some nice serious moments mixed in there too.

It becomes so obvious that Chuuya looks out for Akutagawa in those. There's another one where he invites Kajii and Akutagawa to get food because they were feeling down. It's all a little awkward though - it gives me the general feeling of a distant older sibling who doesn't fully know what's going on with the younger but is trying their best to be supportive. But the scene you're talking about is the one scene that isn't awkward at all, and I think it's because Chuuya drops all pretenses of professionality and just speaks honestly. This kid will not self-destruct on him. He won't let that happen.

And yeah, the whole "I'm sure Dazai had a reason for being so harsh" is so interesting. For once, Chuuya does not sound angry when mentioning the guy - these are honest thoughts. He either doesn't know the full extent of the training, or (as I'm inclined to think) he rationalizes it under "I'm sure there was some reason that will be revealed" which is what I'm pretty sure he does for both Mori and Dazai. It's that whole 'Chuuya doesn't question certain things' again which is really not great, though the fact that he brings it up in the first place makes me think it makes him somewhat uncomfortable.

There's so many other silly and sweet moments too. Atsushi growing uncomfortable at Dazai's dismissiveness towards Akutagawa and actually trying to say something in his defense. Ranpo messing with Kunikida while trying to get him to chill a bit, and showing Atsushi how to make a water gun with a rubber duck. Akutagawa and Chuuya roleplaying Atsushi and Dazai respectively, with Chuuya doing a spot on impression of Dazai but the others thinking it's wrong because it's his silly side and they only know Demon Prodigy version hjkjfgf. Kenji nearly injuring Kunikida with a pillow due to the sheer force he threw it at. The mafiosos playing a word chain game of badass Mafia phrases like a bunch of nerds. Atsushi washing Dazai's back while trying to find the words to thank him out loud before they run off to the kitchen to eat a late-night snack together.

Also I think one of the funniest Kunikida moments: "The glasses are part of my body." Said in response to Atsushi innocently asking why he wouldn't take them off in the onsen. Sir, what.

[seahdalune]

template under read more + musings

TF2: so. TF2 huh. got into it last year. i kinda lost interest because of a tf2 discord server that i ended up leaving in bad terms + no content updates + i didn't do jackshit in the fandom. i made my robot oc blog but unfortunately that one died along with my fixation! oops.

Papa Louie: the ultimate killer of my tf2 fixation. the increasing amount of "Papa Louie lore is CRAZY!" videos in my recommended feed and the eventual release of Freezeria Deluxe drawing in streamers, and then Jerma, was what finally got me to crack and give the games a go. i don't regret it, because i finally joined a fandom that i actively (? the fandom's kiiiiinda dead aha;;) participate it, after like 2 years of wandering around! it kinda faltered around July~August, but after downloading Flashpoint, it came back double the force.

Scott Pilgrim: got the books for my birthday. read them. the graphic novels haunted me for a while because it was so.... different! from what i've read up to that point. i buried it into my subconciousness but the show dug it up again. i'm not thaaaat into it though. it's a background thought thing.

Good Omens: season 2 babyyyyyy, i wasn't as into it as i was in like.... 2021? i mean, back then i read like, a shitton of GO fanfics. i think that fandom is still my most bookmarked fandom within my fic folder. season 2 was great! heartbreaking even. but as i said, i already blew my steam back in like, 2021. i didn't really have Good Omens people to talk with anyways, not that i'm confident enough to find any.

Madness Combat: was around for the 2021 boom, but my fixation came back because of the Makeship plushie thing, fight meh ok. i wonder a little if they were worth it over the Papa Louie plushie when my fixation didn't last as long (it kiiiinda does sting i had to give him up? it would be nice to own official Papa Louie merch ;;) but whateves. they're in my arms. they're very cuddly. i'm getting off-point, anyways i love these freaks, love the action in the animations, i wanna play the game but at the same time i'm not sure how well i'm gonna be able to handle the guns and the killing. eh, i'll manage, i'll live. i guess i kinda stopped being fixated because like i said, nobody to talk to since i'm a little wary about the fandom... uh, i'm sure there are a lot of nice people, but i've had peeks at what arguments people have been having and that made me decide to just lurk.

AVA/AVM: my friend was watching it and they got into it, so i got curious and i looked into it as well. they're cute little ibbly babbles, those sticks. big fan of the Animator vs Animation series especially because awoo.... it advances so much in style in each episode. V and VI especially blow shit out of the water. love it. love it. didn't really bother to get into the fandom though. i didn't see a place to sit down, so i just walked through the merchant hall and moved on. i stare at the wares every now and then though.

HLVRAI: watched it recently. it's nice. not.... really enjoyable enough for me to be a full-blown fan, but whateves. i kinda don't know why that happened to be the thing that all my mutuals were obsessed with throughout 2021 but the only reason i didn't get into it either was because i didn't finish Hal-Life 1 and i wanted to get into the game blind due to hearing that it was "the best game ever that influenced the gaming industry forever". i wonder, that if i wasn't such a wuss, would i have watched HLVRAI earlier and enjoyed it more? we'll have to see with HL2VRAI. i haven't finished HL2 either btw... sigh.

[pikaflute]

okay i did my superball headcanons now time for my other pookie (flint paper)

older than sam and max but not by much, probably like early to mid 50s

divorced twice, it's fine though

trained in like martial arts, i think he should be allowed to throw people around more (normal)

actually enjoys sam and max company. partially because he is insane but also because they're funny to him. like haha you boys throwing anvils on people? that's good love is love

he likes men and women. thats my truth. we will ship superball with him if its the last thing i fucking do!!!!

probably gets love letters from ladies and men who he helped on cases or flirted with to get info. and also max. a majority of them are from max. he can tell because they're misspelled

i think he needs to be hairy. for my sake. i also don't think he shaves. again im normal. normal poster

i think he had a mullet when he was younger. one day he asks for help cleaning his office and sam and max find that picture of him in college with one and they go HUH and he goes oh yeah that was me and sam and max both desire him more carnally

he does classy drinking. he has like cognac and whiskey in office and those fancy decanters but will occasionally like down a bottle of vodka

user pikaflute when she hasn't said a character is from new jersey in the past twenty minutes: hey guys i think flint paper is-

has had to get his office fixed over twenty times. the landlord hates him but flint pays his (and sam and max's cause god knows they don't pay rent) rent so far in advance he is never getting kicked out

speaking of, he's probably rich. he's good at solving cases and threatening individuals pays a lot. even though sometimes he works on a "hunch" he's always proven right.

he's an only child. thats why he's crazy.

probably knows a bunch of languages for investigating. one time max hears flint speaking french and max is like "hes going to speak french to me while in bed" and sam goes "wait in fucking line"

probably did gymnastics as a teen. explains why he's so nimble and good at fighting. AND HOT

drinks coffee but so black it's still coffee grounds. he orders this from (girl) stinky all the time and she's like "im throwing this pot at you" and he's like "good! i need a pick me up!"

he did modeling at one point on his life on the side before becoming a full time investigator. if sam and max ever find those shoots they're going to fucking die

when sam and max were first moving in, flint did an entire background search on them and when he met them for the first time he told him everything he found out and sam and max both fell in love with him instantly.

one time he works on a case with sam and max and it causes so much property damage that the three of them are permanently banned from staten island

cannot cook to save his life. he asked sam if spaghetti is supposed to be black and sam was like "i....maybe not."

very good with kids surprisingly. he babysits for sam and max and asks geek if she wants like water or anything while he beats a guy up and she's like "i'm....good."

one time when sam and max actually did their job and brought a criminal into jail they saw flint in there and he was in the process of breaking out and he's like "hey boys! can you unlock the door for me?" and they both went "anything for you."

he 100% knows sam and max want him so bad it's not even funny. it's flattering to him

he doesn't drive. he just walks to places and somehow gets there faster than a car

also has a tattoo somewhere, probably on his back. i don't know of what, i'm just homo okay?

listens to jazz mainly. it fits the noir aesthetic. his office reeks of cigarettes.

[walks up to the mic] sock garters [everyone cheers]

he's autistic and he stims by shooting and beating people up. I'm only like half joking

i think hes shorter than superball by like an inch. so 5'8

i don't think he's played a video game since the 90s. he's a light gun shooter master though.

i also don't think he knows anything about modern pop culture at all. half the shit max says to him might as well be in a different language

sleeps naked cause he's Like That

doesnt like horror movies. they just make him angry and upset