#they're flawed that's the whole beauty of their situation

[newbiespud]

I'm sure it's been said before but I'll say it myself because why not

The game In Stars and Time makes for a revealing contrast to the movie Groundhog Day in how they treat their final time loop and how that reflects on the main character. (Even though, if I remember right, the dev largely wasn't aware of Groundhog Day when they came up with ISAT.)

Spoilers for both after the break, I guess.

In Groundhog Day, Phil starts out narcissistic and self-centered, has the realization that he can live life without consequences, gets depressed after having tried and done everything that he's got everyone and everything memorized so that nothing can delight and surprise him anymore, and finally escapes when he performs a loop that proves that a better, happier world is within his grasp to make, not something owed to him, and that he is happy with the life he has today, not always pining for his ambitions for the future.

In... In Stars and Time, Siffrin starts out deflecting and aloof, has the realization that they can do this perfectly - 'this' being not only the impossible challenge of defeating the King but navigating their relationships with their party - gets depressed after hitting wall after wall and repeatedly fumbling into faux pas after faux pas with their party, and finally escapes when they perform a loop where their true feelings come out, no matter how ugly, and they're honest about their own desires and wishes rather than trying to keep up an ideal façade.

Plenty of people have pointed out that In Stars and Time subverts the 'escaping on the perfect loop' time-loop trope that Groundhog Day largely codifies. Not only does the 'perfect' loop completely fail, Siffrin escapes on arguably the 'worst' loop, the one where they rightfully worry that they've hurt and alienated their loves ones forever and cannot escape those consequences anymore.

But I don't think this contrast is as direct as it seems, even though one could say that Phil got away scot-free compared to Siffrin and that In Stars and Time is the superior story for portraying a harsher outcome. (I do think that exploration and advancement of tropes is just inevitable and even healthy over time, and Groundhog Day came out in 1993 so of course it and the tropes it spawned deserve modern critique, but I digress.) I actually think that it reflects how both stories and the mechanics of their time loops are built around their main characters. (There's also something to be said about how genre shapes narrative since GD is an existential comedy and ISAT is an action-adventure focusing on interpersonal drama, but that's another digression.)

ISAT makes an impact on the whole time loop genre with its clever subversion, but like all the best subversive stories, it's couched in strong characters that embody its themes.

And to take a broader perspective, the best time loop stories are allegories for the real-life situation of making the same mistakes over and over again caused by your own deep-seated personality flaws, and being forced to finally confront your inner demons and overcome them and become a better, healthier person. (Relatable, much?)

Phil is a man who's never happy with his lot in life, so he needs to learn to find the eternal richness and beauty of what he has within his grasp, and that a better, happier life is something he can make for himself. Thus, he escapes on the 'best' loop.

Siffrin is a person who refuses to share their true feelings and problems with others to the point of self-destruction (and complete reinvention in one aspect), so they need to learn that no matter how ugly and twisted they think they are, being open and honest doesn't mean their loved ones will care about them any less, even when Siffrin is seen at their lowest point possible. Thus, they escape on the 'worst' loop.

It's not just clever subversion, it's holistic circular story structure!

...Though maybe I'm just drawn to these stories because I, too, would like some extra time to Figure Some Shit Out and have that time come with some superpowers along the way, even if it nearly destroys me in the process.

[lopposting]

On the freckles + Geppetto (Spoilers below)

Geppetto saying "it looks like you inherited his personality instead of his memories" is very very suspicious, and he says "personality" with such disdain - if you were a father who loved their child, wouldn't you want them to retain their core persona of who they were, than remember exactly everything from your past? I don't know, is it just me, or doesn't it feel like it's more important? I know memories make us who we are, but it still really came across as a deliberate piece of dialogue to word

Geppetto didn't want Carlo back, he specifically wants an obedient version of him, the rotting/preserved corpse body puppet is to show that Carlo was long gone. Remember that one of the most important decisions in the game is granting Sophia "her peace", which is her having the choice to end her own life. And then the nameless puppet is revealed, and it's as if Carlo is being kept alive against his own will (like as Simon does with Sophia). no wonder carlo didn't like him, the really disturbing thing is that nameless puppet still defies Geppetto in the end which suggests that it/(he??) is still somewhat conscious?? .. wat.

Another Character design I've noticed... and this is me making BIG leaps, by the way, I don't mean to make any statement on korean culture as a whole, but skin has a lot of symbolic meaning, and importance, in korean society. I know every country has stuff like this, but it seems really significant here considering this is a korean studio, ill try to get into why

P has very noticeable freckles on his skin, I can even say that they're hard to ignore (especially his right cheek), they're even visible in promotional material. and the irony is that he possesses these "flaws" and is more human-like despite being "artificial", he also has visible pores!! something completely natural, human, that stringent societal norms might deem as "imperfect"

Freckles can be seen as "imperfections" in korean culture (I mean I can only guess, and I suppose this negative perception is a little the same in the west as well?), they have this term called "glass skin" which is what is deemed as the "ideal": zero blemishes, really even tone, and often lighter in tone is seen as "beautiful", and there's a lot of pressure to be that way. It's a really pervasive idea that I don't think I am in the position to really talk about, and I don't mean to demean the culture, it's not like this is exclusive to korea/asia, I'm just mentioning it to explain this in the context of the game

And then "Carlo" doesn't have ANY of these things. He has "PERFECT" skin, those freckles are just gone. I feel like this isn't just a mistake. it kind of gets a message across about Geppetto's real intentions in reviving him. I mean, it's possible that maybe it's more of a siblings situation, and Carlo simply just didn't have freckles? but if you think about it from a storytelling perspective, remember that Geppetto refers to him as "mischievous", an odd translation maybe, but everything else suggests that the real Carlo was actually deeply defiant of his father while he was alive, again I think it sends a message about Giuseppe re-creating his son but without the things he saw as "flaws" in his son that he didn't like

yeah... loving this game more and more by the day

[everythingiguess]

I feel like what I’m about to say might not be to everyone’s liking, but I think we’re all allowed to have our opinions about it.

I liked the episode; it felt real. It seems to me like some people want the characters to behave the way they want them to, or to follow a specific line so everything is correct and there are no flaws.

That isn’t, and I’ve been saying this for the past few weeks, how real life works. A lot of people might have their life figured out, or might not have an internal conflict about many aspects of their lives. But you have to know that not everybody is like you. Especially in this case, where the characters’ personalities and inner conflicts have already been established.

Sometimes, we need to try, understand, and accept why people do the things they do. And while this is a show, I think it is also quite helpful so that we can learn how to be more understanding of other people.

Some viewers might not understand Dee because they wouldn’t behave or make the same decisions as him, but that doesn’t mean he’s a bad character or that he’s annoying. I’ve even seen people say he likes to do this whole thing because he thinks Yak is not enough (which I won’t talk about because that statement in itself tells me a lot about how much you haven’t understood the character at all).

Others might not get why Yoryak waits for him, or why Yoryak is nicer and more understanding of his father -and step-mother- than Yei. Others might not get Yei either or why he has so much resentment or the reason why he doesn't want Yak to be involved with the gym situation.

That’s the beauty of watching shows and their characters. They’re not supposed to make the right decisions all the time, they're not supposed to be like you or me all the time. Everyone is different, every single person thinks differently, and everyone deals with conflicts and life differently.

While I might not completely relate to some characters reactions and decisions, I understand them and their situations as much as I can, as if they were real people that I know and love.

Anyway, I know this is long but I wanted to say it because that’s the way I enjoy shows in general, and as long as the story and the characters make sense, I’ll keep enjoying Wandee Goodday.

[eaglefairy]

Why I love XC2

I know that I complain...often...about xenoblade 2. I promise that I really do like this game! Believe me, if I didn't love it I wouldn't be complaining, I just wouldn't be thinking about it. Anyway, an incomplete list of why I love this game:

The presentation! This game is gorgeous and has some areas that can just take your breath away. Uraya is one of my all-time favorite areas in any video game, and I just had to sit back in awe the first time I saw the petal rain there. Xc2 also knocks it out of the park when it's going for aesthetics that aren't jaw-dropping beauty; the environmental storytelling in Mor Ardain is top-notch, Temperantia truly looks and feels like a blighted wasteland, and there is nothing I could say about the Land of Morytha that hasn't already been said. Just amazing all around.

The music! Literally on the night I began writing this post my roommate and I played the end of Torna and they use the music from the Land of Morytha for the inside of Torna which is just. ow? The music is all beautiful, for one, and they absolutely nail whatever mood they're going for at the moment.

The characters! The cast is truly unique, in my opinion. Out of all the xenoblade games, it's absolutely the character concepts from 2 that stick with me the most. None of them are generic or cliche, everyone has something new or fresh to appreciate once you dig into them. This post is already long enough but for just the highlights: - I must shout out Rex for maturing, becoming more worldly, and going through an arc learning about the horrors and despair you'll find in the world without ever letting go of optimism that things can be better. A lesser character might end the story by becoming jaded as a substitute for maturity or begin the story jaded and have to be proven wrong about the world, but he just truly believes in goodness the whole way through! - Jin and Malos have one of my favorite relationship dynamics of all time. No one is doing it like them. Jin acts on his desire to destroy the world because Malos found him and gave him something to live for beyond keeping Lora's memory alive. Malos's desire to destroy the world is validated by Jin and the rest of Torna--people who would not be there if Malos hadn't inspired Jin! They're an ouroboros of destructive codependency and I love them for it. - Addam. The way he's built up as this incredible legendary hero in the main game and then you play Torna and he's just a man trying his best to do what's being asked of him. Probably the first time I've seen humility as a fatal flaw done well (done at all?). He never wanted Mythra's power, doesn't want to be king, and that in the end is what undoes him and his entire country. And then the truth of his tragedy and loss is papered over by people who don't care, who just want their story of a savior, and he's remembered forever as something he never wanted to be. Deliciously tragic!

The writing! This one might come as a surprise if you've seen my complaining before, but I'm being 100% serious here: there are elements of the writing (especially in the latter half) that I think are extremely well done. It embraces its themes without yelling them at the player outright. It presents murky situations and asks the player to engage with it honestly and think critically as you experience the story. It's very subtle storytelling that actually requires effort from the player to experience to its fullest, and I've just got to give it props for demanding trust from the player

The setting! The Cloud Sea has 100% grabbed me as a worldbuilding concept and never let go. (Could also be blamed on Skyward Sword, my first single-player video game.) I also love the Titan-Blade life cycle as a concept. This would absolutely come off strangely without context, but it reminds me of like bugs and plants and anything with a non-mammalian reproductive cycle. That's a good thing! I'm a biology nerd, these are all compliments!

Edit: I've decided this is the collective's xc2 positivity post now. Reblog and add your own favorite things about this game! Whether it's something already mentioned in this post or something else, let's get some positivity flowing!

[yellowhollyhock]

there is much to love about the tmnt fandom and I have to say one of the things I love the most, is when you meet somebody who has A Favorite and you get to learn about the character through their eyes

Like, my favorite is Donny, I knew it in the first episode, he is my classic blorbo type. And when we're talking 03 which is where I started, he's two of my classic blorbo types: obsessive genius and absolute sweetheart

So when I watch, while I love them all, I'm much more likely to notice his interactions a lot more and fixate on every slightest hint of what's going on in his head while Plot happens

And it's just indescribably delightful to like, I guess kind of have the other povs filled in?

For example I adore Mikey, they're so gender and so silly and SO full of love and self-doubt and insane levels of courage and entirely too much trust. Fascinating and multi-faceted and talented and the type of person I would admire in real life. But I'm never going to See Mikey the way someone who is as obsessed with him as I am with Don can, y'know? I love seeing fics and art that Show Him. Like there's so many angst fics? Not what I would have expected and it's so cool. Like. It fits for him in such a beautiful heartbreaking way

And Raph is extremely close with Donny for my fave spot, I love the different takes on him throughout iterations, I Adore him in 03. Early on my sister and I would laugh because I kept saying Donny was my fave and then going on and on about Raph. Here's the thing though: I see Raph from Donny's pov in a lot of ways. If you're watching 03 obsessively watching Donny, you're going to notice that Raph is always so so gentle and encouraging and protective. So in my head a lot of the time Raph is this Super Chill Guy who is filled to the brim with love and has never done anything wrong in his life and is capable of literally anything (which is how Donny sees him, according to what I made up in my head)

And I think it's partially for that reason that a lot of my close tmnt friends are big Raph lovers, and that's kind of what made me think of this initially because hearing about him from their pov is so enriching. Because he is actually a very flawed character and that's what's great about him! He's a teenager and so much happens and he's trying to process and he doesn't always choose the healthiest way and that is such a relatable experience. And that's also caused me to obsess Even More over the Brains and Brawn dynamic because. They make opposite bad decisions that sometimes cycle back into being the same bad decisions and they're so nonjudgmental towards each other about it and have such admiration for each other's strengths

I got on a bit of a tangent. Point: I was obsessing over Raph a lot but it's been so delightful to have friends who obsess over him More because they see him in ways that I can't from this angle

And Leo it's really similar but kinda flipped, like I love Leo for himself, but when I'm watching I'm mostly noticing two main traits, his patience, and also his social anxiety because! hnnn I don't know how to explain it. Like he takes longer to warm up to April which I'm Noticing because Donny warmed up to her Immediately and so I was watching for the others, you know? Or how he gets anxious during phone calls, either passing them off to someone else or taking them from someone else because he needs to feel in control because it's a high stress situation.

Anyway the more I get to know people who really deeply love Leo, the more I'm also seeing this indestructible older brother which I had mostly seen in Raph. (Which is also a whole other post because to me, Donny admires Raph and worries about Leo while Mikey admires Leo and worries about Raph)

And side characters! There are so many excellent side characters that are only in a few episodes and seeing fanwork that thoughtfully develops them in a way that's true to what we've seen but so much more? That's where it's at! I can't start listing them I'll never stop ahdhakshag no but I do have to say. Lotus Blossom!

I can go on forever but there's just nothing else like learning about a character from the people who love them probably even more than the creators, y'know?

[unavailable-fan]

Just thoughts on HPMA story

Finished probably all main stories currently in hpma (up to Year 4) Never was a big hp fan, loved first few movies as a kid and played the old games in its universe, so i do have fond memories about it, and first movies are still pretty cool production-wise, but with all the recent and not so recent author related things i get why people don't want to engage with anything hp-related Still i like the universe mostly how it was portrayed in the earlier movies and there's not much that fill that particular niche for me So i was interested in the game when i first heard about it like 3 years ago, mostly cause it's art-style is charming slightly dark but comfy Anyway, somehow i managed to participate in cbt, and i liked it a lot despite the game having lots of flaws It still is quite a mess in various aspects, but, oh, do i like its story, art style and voice acting It's still clunky, obviously, but it's also like the best worst fanfic ideas stitched together into a story with questionable tone and moral, but it's beautiful like this Instead of hp main trio we have: - a kid, who gets into dozen criminal offences a year, cause they try to help people around them, and some people use it to make the kid break laws for them, yey - an idealistic hothead girl with memory problems, who will fight you on sight, cause she loves her friends a lot and tries to protect them never thinking about the fact she's super capable of accidental mass-murder, also she's kinda awkward in some regular social situations, like her life can get any weirder than it already is - a very kind guy, who tries to act like the most cynic person ever, cause his every attempt of having a calm life fails miserably, has terrible reputation of being a criminal and one of the best potion brewers and for some reason dancers(!) in school, just let this guy rest, please They're miserable on their own, but together they're even worse, their interactions are the cutest, but the horrors they have to go through in the name of friendship are endless Among other things this story has: - Hagrid, doing his usual thing - Neville, being the best teacher in the whole school while still getting bullied for some reason - McGonagall, as a principal - a Slytherin bully/rival girl, who's actually kinda cool and pretty fun, once you get used to her attitude - an artist, a werewolf, a prophet and a play on "evil twins" trope all in one year - a pair of cute and hilarious polar opposites Gryffindor students, whose relationship is the talk of their whole friend group - an actual evil Gryffindor, can you believe this - a gay ghost guy who refuses to tell you how he died - a talking portrait, who makes you hoard stuff, in hopes it will somehow get the ghost guy to talk - a goth gardener lady, who casually reminds you of your mortality every day - a musician who makes kids jump into lakes at night, cool - a guy, who makes kids illegally raise dragons on school grounds - a group of poachers, who follow kids illegally raising dragons on school grounds And! At least two instances where physical violence is actually the answer!

I guess i just love the fact this story has pretty bold choices and doesn't treat source material too carefully, while having actually pretty enjoyable characters No idea how it will develop further, but i do want more people to know about this particular in-universe story to see more fan-takes on all of it like, go watch story letsplays of it or something, if you're interested love cool stories, hate when they belong to franchises with messy history

[kannra21]

I don’t understand why anime men can be drawn looking handsome while also looking normal and wearing normal clothes, but sososo often, anime women are drawn looking like their tits are going to pop out of their bras and/or they wear provocative outfits.

Do men (or male artists anyway) not care if a woman is beautiful if she isn’t being revealing? Do her facial features, the way she carries herself, her hair, etc. not matter so long as she’s not trying to act like a seductress?

From my own experience with men I can only say one thing- they are liars. Or at least they like lying to themselves.

They will oftentimes say that they don't like women who reveal feminine features, but they do. Men like women and they like objectifying them. Bc if men are straight, logically, they're attracted to women. Bc woman's body is pretty and not just in a sexual sense. Sometimes it's just pretty for looking at; like art, nude modeling and act. Worshipped even. Woman's body is prettier than man's body in so many ways. But I think this beauty shouldn't be so heavily sexualized like it's often the case in the east. Japan has so much explicit content that they even have categorized shops at every corner, in public spaces. I don't know how Japanese women feel about this but statistics show that their birth rate is slowly declining. Besides poor economic situation, women don't feel respected or loved enough. And the feminism has risen in this part of the world as well.

Anyways, back to the point- I respect Gege for keeping his characters neat and the story heavily plot oriented without much fanservice (men are the fanservice lol). Gege also says that his parents are reading the manga so I suppose he doesn't rly want to feel like a disgrace lmao. I'm not sure if this was his marketing strategy to interest women into shōnen genre but it definitely worked, now jjk has become one of the most popular series of all time. And it's ok to have Mei Mei as one token representative of a "sexy woman" stereotype although I wouldn't rly call her sexy either. She's just a beautiful woman.

What definitely helps the whole situation is Gege's taste in fashion. No male mangaka that I know ever paid attention to this one very important factor. Fashion is a type of expression, and it can tell a lot about the character themselves without incorporating their personality in words. With that said, jjk women have so much personality to them, it's fascinating.

Mei Mei and Mai could be considered sexy, Utahime is a traditional authoritative beauty, Nobara is very stylish and confident, Maki is a strong tomboy girl, Miwa and Momo are girly and cute, Ozawa is a shy girl, Shoko is your typical CEO woman, Yuki is a biker girl. And some of them have short or tied up hair which is nice bc it can be just as feminine as long hair. He even introduced women's insecurities like Ozawa being overweight and that Yuuji didn't mind bc he found her writing and table manners pretty. Momo's outlook on woman's prejudice in jujutsu world is also something important to adress. Yuuta is shown kissing Rika bc what they're having is true love and true love doesn't know shallow boundaries. Gege understands woman's struggle.

In an interview, Gege revealed that he has similar mindset to Megumi and that he doesn't want to sexualize women as much. The way he treats woman body is purely artistic. At least watching these panels didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all.

Regarding Mei Mei's and Ui Ui's relationship, yea it's a taboo. But I think that author didn't want to promote incest, rather, he wanted to show that Mei Mei is a woman with flaws. And flaws are something that makes a person interesting, together with their virtues. She also likes money. To the point that Gojo made fun of her by flipping a coin to summon her bc apparently, Mei Mei lacks self-respect.

In contrast to her, Utahime respects herself too much. That's why she's often hysterical and Gojo tells her that hysterics won't win men (Gojo is a real mansplainer huh).

Gojo is rude and so is Sukuna. But Miwa and Yorozu don't even notice a man's flaw if they're interested in him (Gege knows a woman's mind too well, which is funny). That's why he's asking ladies to vote for Nanami instead of Gojo in popularity poll (women should set aside shallow interests and concentrate on person's kind soul).

Unlike them, Shoko is aloof and rational bc she's too aware of fleetingness of life, especially in her line of work as a doctor. Sure, she can be friendly and smile a lot, but she doesn't want to form any strong relationships with anyone. This is the only way she can keep her sanity in check. After all, jujutsu is just a marathon where the finish line is a pile of friends' corpses. Something the younger generations are a bit immature to understand.

Nobara is a very stubborn girl, she sometimes comes off as too bossy or rude (Yuuji calls her a bitch lol). But it turns out this was only her defense mechanism with people she's unfamiliar with bc she didn't want to be underestimated for being a country girl of limited thoughts and experience. Bc Nobara is indeed a great girl with many talents.

Maki is a strong, independent woman but this doesn't mean that she refuses help and support from people around her. She likes guys who are stronger than her (and Yuuta comes into picture, besides, he also suggested that he wants to crush Zenin clan together which explains her liking to him). Panda noticed that and wanted to play a wingman. Although his boobs question (Maki's insecurity) was a bit inappropriate (but it got the point across), Yuuta's answer was very polite which made him more likeable in her eyes.

Yuki and Todo are similar bc they're nosy, they enjoy exploring different people's interests and judge them whether they're considered "a person of culture" (which adds to the series' comedic aspect). I love Haibara's answer bc he says "I like women who eat a lot" bc he knows that women who eat are happy and that a hungry woman is an angry woman.

Gege understands women so much that fans are contemplating whether Gege is actually a woman himself or not. It's nice to have a mangaka who's this mindful.

[cloud-ya]

why do you hate elysia so much

oooohh I love when people ask me about that, and it's been a while without such question

*clears throat and unrolls a comically long scroll*

First thing is the way she treats other people's personal space or rather the way she invades it, especially Mei's. My own trauma regarding touching without consent/warning or mocking if I express my displeasure during such is the main factor why I want to throw this pink thing across the room. Yes, this is mainly about that godawful horn touching scene, which I luckily skipped on accident, but wasn't able to skip the dialogue after that with Raven mocking the whole situation. Describe the groans Mei was making during it however you want, but everyone told me Mei was clearly not pleased about having her horns touched. To me it was just her taking any means to get to the Deep End, and since she had only two people to choose from and she mentioned before that scene that there's no way she'd get Kalpas to help her, she had to ask Elysia for help and she happened to be really fucking obsessed about touching her damn horns, so she had to let her do so as a price for getting to the Deep End and Aponia. I consider it learned helplessness, if it can be considered so at all - Mei learnt that there's nothing she can do to be in any control of the situation she's in, so she just waits through shit helplessly in hope that it'll just happen and go away on its own. What got me pissed off even more is Elysia announcing through a fucking megaphone that she finally touched Mei's horns. It felt so humiliating. Imagine you're forced to use means which would not be pleasant for you and maybe even putting you in great discomfort and the person you did it with just publicly announces it happened as if it was something brief and both sides were fully comfortable.

Second, her idealisation. It's rather ironic that she's so perfect and flawless and whatnot while being labeled a herrscher of human:ego - human, that flaws are literally a part of nature of. She talks all the time how beautiful and great she is, and if she's to complain someone else they'll just get told that they're "almost as pretty as her". Nobody will ever convince me that she's not a Mary Sue, because she's clearly written like one and while yes Durandal was accused of being Mary Sue too "but people later just forgot about her" - people are not bothered by her ridiculous powers anymore because they were executed in a rather decent way which saved her character, unlike for Elysia who kept turning out worse and worse and more shallow with each line of text.

Third, her ridiculous large influence on the entire story and plot. She popped up out of fucking nowhere and suddenly changed the whole history of Honkai and retconned anything that could be retconned in plot. Herrschers used to be untamed representatives of Honkai and its destructive nature, Elysia shows up and suddenly it's actually that she gave them a chance to be human via her sacrifice and all herrschers from the very beginning of the current era just, idk, weren't evil and if they were it's because they just chose to and it wasn't actually that it was Honkai controlling them. Ever since Elysian Realm and Elysium Everlasting a bunch of people dead for ~50000 years aka Flamechasers are having a bit too damn much influence on whole main story, with Elysia in the lead. They ruined Mei's character with the whole ER bullshit and I don't even feel like she got any major development while being stuck there. Let alone that absolute butchery which is Herrscher of Origin, Mihoyo clearly have no idea for a show-not-tell way to express that she carries all that knowledge and memory of Flamechasers, so they just make her obsessed about them (like constantly talking about them during the so awaited reunion with Kiana and Bronya after what? few months? if not more). Mei was boiled down to Elysia stan, if not Elysia 2.0. And with the discomfort she experienced back in Elysian Realm, even if it didn't get her any major trauma... it just doesn't make sense.

TL;DR: I hate Elysia because she often invades other characters' personal space which I'm very sensitive to, she's a shallowly written Mary Sue who also has ridiculously large influence on the main story for a side character.

[delilahsbabyaccount]

~May The Struggle Solve Itself~

"My father resents my mother.

My mother resents my father.

My father started seeing me as a second version of my mother.

My mother started seeing me as a second version of herself.

Somehow all of my behaviours are my responsibility and my fault.

I was only fifteen.

How much of my flaws don't belong me?

How much of my anxiety is hers? How much of my critical nature was not inherited but instead gifted by assumption that I would be the exact same?

How do I will myself to stay grateful when I can't heal in the same environment I got sick in?

I know this is all required but I'm cracking my whole existence into tiny pieces to somehow figure out how I'm supposed to authentically experience my emotional encounter or "the upset"???????????

I have no one to tell me it is going to be okay. I no longer have any friends. My behaviour isn't excused by my goofy family situation.

My father and my mother don't love each other anymore.

My mother talks to me about everything - we're each other's best friends.

My father is depressed but he'll never admit it to himself.

I am so fucking grateful for them both because we're still okay.

They're both alive and as healthy as they can be. They don't fight. They don't hurt us. They provide everything we need. They're good parents. They're just still figuring themselves out so they don't really have the capacity to...well....parent.

I am grateful because people have lost their parents. I am grateful because other people's parents are so much worse.

But still, I am so unhappy. I am so lonely. I am so tired. I am impatient to get to know myself. I want to separate from everything I truly am not and yet, I still sit here knowing there is nowhere for me to go.

I am not the legal age to accomplish anything. I am completely dependent on the people I want to leave even though I know I love them and will miss them and that I've never learnt to be without them.

But they trap me and expect things from me and judge me and love me and sometimes try to comfort and support me but here we are.

What is there to do? I can only heal through experience but I have no clue how to heal when it comes to my parents. I've tried doing everything I know. Talking to them is mindless - they're too preoccupied with themselves.

I know I cannot solve the problem physically or mentally and I must let it die within me.

I must literally die in the experience but how???

And when I miss my chance? Am I behind? Am I a failure in my own path for healing?`

Is it my fault? Is it????

Is it my fault I resist everything my mother wants from me?

It it my fault I am repulsed by touch when I'm emotional?

Is it my fault I have no idea how to resolve the triggers and charges within me?

Is it my fault I can't do readings for myself? Or that I can't take my own advice?

Or that I am so insanely, crazily obsessed with looking like my sister?

That I am unenvious of the billion-dollar models but would kill to be a resemblance of my sister?

Am I secretly dark and twisted and a horrid person based off of literally nothing in particular but my own paranoia of being a bad person?

Am I pretty? Am I beautiful? Do I have a purpose if I'm not useful?

How many things do I do to please my parents? How many things do I actually, truly do for myself?

Who am I outside of my wish to please the people who gave me life?"

-Pieces of Sandra's anxiety (1980-2020)

a/n: I could not find where I had originally seen a post addressing similar themes but it was written really well so props and credit to whoever did this first! <3

*Credit to the owners of the pictures used.

[thefairyhills]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ* A COLLECTION OF QUOTES THAT LIVE IN MY HEAD RENT-FREE.

as the title says, this is a list of quotes from books, movies, song lyrics, videogames, pinterest posts and anything else that has been stuck in my brain forever, for one reason or another. a part 2 may or may not follow. adapt any gendered terms as needed!

❝ to love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed. ❞

❝ there are no men like me. only me. ❞

❝ the heart is an arrow. it demands aim to land true. ❞

❝ give me back my girlhood, it was mine first. ❞

❝ stories connect us to our past. they shape a people in profound ways. without them, we are lost. ❞

❝ everyone loves strength, but do you love me for my weakness? ❞

❝ i wish that i could say i am a light that never goes out, but i flicker from time to time. ❞

❝ just between us, did the love affair maim you too? ❞

❝ when the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway. ❞

❝ death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. ❞

❝ when they shattered our spirit, we became sharpest at the break. ❞

❝ she didn't want to be loved for her petals, she wanted to be loved for her thorns. she knew if someone loved her flaws, they would love her whole. ❞

❝ to love someone is firstly to confess: i'm prepared to be devastated by you. ❞

❝ love speaks in flowers. truth requires thorns. ❞

❝ because saving the people you love isn't stupid. it isn't even a choice. ❞

❝ don't go where i can't follow. ❞

❝ whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. ❞

❝ it takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations. ❞

❝ there's some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for. ❞

❝ the water hears and understands. the ice does not forgive. ❞

❝ i am my scars. ❞

❝ that's the thing about pain. it demands to be felt. ❞

❝

it's not your fault i ruin everything. and it's not your fault i can't be what you need. ❞

❝ i'm not interested in being polite or heterosexual. ❞

❝ the flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all. ❞

❝ you were the one who wanted to win. and i just wanted a sister. ❞

❝ you know how scared i am of elevators. never trust it if it rises fast, it can't last. ❞

❝ i am not ruined. i am ruination. ❞

❝ all my flowers grew back as thorns. ❞

❝ if i can't have love i want power. ❞

❝ i came out to attack people, and i'm honestly having such a good time right now. ❞

❝ anger was better than tears, better than grief, better than guilt. ❞

❝ i'm meaner than my demons. ❞

❝ i love her, and that's the beginning and end of everything. ❞

❝ you are haunted, like every other holy thing. ❞

❝ my skin has turned to porcelain, to ivory, to steel. ❞

❝ innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know. ❞

❝ what is infinite? the universe and the greed of men. ❞

❝ i could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it. ❞

❝ how could somebody ever love me? ❞

❝ you don't get to destroy someone and decide how ruined they're allowed to feel. ❞

❝ i am afraid of you. in loving me, you hold a knife at my throat. in loving you, i tell you exactly where to cut. ❞

❝ because i take things away from stupid, evil old men. it's what i do. ❞

❝ they deserve to lose everything. and i deserve to have all their stuff. ❞

❝ tell me, if he handed you a bloodied hand, would you take it, just because it was his? ❞

❝ hell is empty and all the devils are here. ❞

❝ i desire the things that will destroy me in the end. ❞

❝ i have tried loving less but that hurts just the same. ❞

❝ wanting was enough. for me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all. ❞

❝ the only heaven i'll be sent to is when i'm alone with you. ❞

❝ i could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; i would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. i would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❞

❝ these violent delights have violent ends. ❞

❝ we love with claws and teeth and the blood is just proof of how much. it's feral. and it's relentless. ❞

❝ feelings that come back are feelings that never left. ❞

❝ good for you, you're doing great out there without me. god, i wish that I could do that. ❞

❝ if i could hold you for a minute, darling, i'd go through it again. ❞

❝ i don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch. ❞

❝ i don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush. ❞

❝ and logically, you're the last thing i should have on my mind, but i want you there sometimes. ❞

[loadednachosao3]

(Hiii @eros-thanatos89 here!)

You've been on such a roll lately and just dazzling Lacho nation with an absolute embarrassment of riches of fic, and I've just been gobbling it up like the thirsty little gremlin I am! So thank you!!

Since I love your writing so much, I'm curious: who are some of your favorite writers/what're some of your favorite novels or short stories??

hmmm... GOOD question! I used to work for the library, so I read a LOT (more than just fanfic!), which makes this a hard question as well, lol. especially since I read more nonfiction than fiction!

but let's see...

my favorite classic/taught in schools novel would have to be 1984 by George Orwell. (hilariously/depressingly, right after trump got elected, my department had to buy hundreds more copies because they got requested so much). Orwell's writing is much more accessible to me than many older writers are, save for that whole proletariat essay thing in the middle that made me wanna cut my eyes out. the book is a very relevant and scathing hate letter to fascism, and the right co-opting it when they're the ones it's written about will never fail to piss me off. THEY HAVEN'T EVEN READ IT I KNOW IT I KNOW THEY HAVEN'T

Suzanne Collins may get a lot of billing as a YA love triangle author, but she's absolutely nothing of the sort. The Hunger Games may be a YA series WITH a love triangle, but they're ABOUT so much more. the way she so perfectly captures the flaws of our society in a way that we then completely validate when we make the movies? beautiful. poignant. 10/10.

Bones and All by Camille DeAngelis is one I admittedly never finished, but loved what I read of it. there's a movie that... ok I also didn't finish that one I HAVE ADHD OKAY but the very concept of a girl who, when she experiences feelings of deep love, gets the irresistible compulsion (and the ability) to eat them then and there is just a wonderful concept!

one of my childhood favorites is this book called Molly Moon's Incredible Book of Hypnotism by Georgia Byng. I picked it up thinking it was a manual, lol, but it's actually this cool little story about an ugly orphan girl who gets the power to hypnotize people, and uses it to become rich and famous. they made a movie out of that too, I think, but I never watched it.

the Unwind series by Neal Shusterman is about a dystopian future where the "compromise" to stop abortions is that parents are, up til their child turns 18, legally allowed to give their children up to be "unwound," a process that involves cutting them up and donating their body parts to donors... while they're still alive, so they're not "technically" killing anyone. chilling, particularly the sequence in the first book where we get to see from the perspective of a teen being unwound.

I will never forgive Hollywood for what they did to the Chaos Walking series by Patrick Ness. it's an AMAZING trilogy about a village that contains only men, who are all forced to broadcast/hear each other's every thought (the first few pages capture the chaos of this situation by using varying fonts and font sizes placed haphazardly around the page in a chaotic mess). the reason for the lack of women is a spoiler, so I shan't say more, but lemme just say, Mads Mikkelsen, baby, you were so good as the villain, but the movie version that smashed 3 books into 1 was so trash. talents WASTED.

Ness also wrote A Monster Calls for a younger audience, a haunting but comforting book about grief. I'd recommend it to anyone whose loved ones might be going through a long bout of illness or something of the sort, if you need to feel less alone.

so those are my top fiction picks! nonfiction is a whole other story, haha (no pun intended). I might remember some more later, but I hope this has given you a bit of insight into why I am the person that I am, and where I get some of my writing inspo! thanks for the great question!

[burningvelvet]

finished charlotte brontë's villette today. some more thoughts to add to the collection... (SPOILERS AHEAD!)

- literally WHAT???

- two whole chapters dedicated to a bad drug trip. i wasn't joking in my last villette post when i said it had to take the trophy for weirdest brontë novel ever (starting shirley after this, but just based on the plot synopsis alone i already know it doesn't come close)

- there are SO many parallels between this novel and jane eyre it's truly insane - to the point where it truly feels like a retelling of the jane eyre - with all the fairy tale themes (quite literally acknowledged in the book) but without jane eyre's fairy tale ending

- the main character's love interest, paul emmanuel, is literally charlotte saying: "what if i took mr. rochester, erased all of his sex appeal, and made him way worse in general? okay, that backfired, shit, shit... wait, but then what if i try to make him better later on? okay, this is going well, this is going w— ah, shit, lucy doesn't need him anyway, let's just have him disappear and people can think whatever the fuck they want. i don't really care what they think."

- and apparently charlotte tried to kill him off in the end but her dad made her leave it up to interpretation thinking it wouldn't sell as well if not... so anyway what i'm saying is that this book is for the mr. rochester haters

- i don't even really hate paul but i didn't really feel for his loss either, even though i did learn to tolerate him and like him maybe a little toward the end... but in the main, his character flaws were so striking, and his lack of chemistry with lucy compared to jane/rochester for example, is really to blame for that

- i feel like lucy may be incapable of lasting love and/or she is truly suffering from comphet or gender troubles

- i feel like she had way more chemistry with john whether platonically or romantically. honestly he was one of the most entertaining characters because he felt very real.

- i wonder if villette (based on their frienemy situation) had repressed feelings for ginevra or vice versa because 1) the theatre performance where lucy had to act as ginevra's male lover and fell really really into the role, 2) the fact that they keep up a correspondence, 3) when lucy said ginevra would lean on her like she was her male suitor & it made her uncomfortable, 4) complimenting her beauty & defending her to john despite her dislike of her (this could just be lucy's goodness) 5) lucy's comment to polly where she said she could never love a man OR a woman "in that way you're referring to" (tightly paraphrasing here), 6) lucy analyzing the artwork of naked women & then defending herself to paul, 7) lucy admiring/idolizing madame beck who is described as being masculine, 8) probably many other things i've forgotten

- after reading theories about charlotte and ellen nussy i'm feeling vindicated in my discovery of the queer themes - the novel can be read as being very comphetish (comphet = compulsive heterosexuality; for those of you who may not know, this term was coined by writer/theorist adrienne rich to describe the ways in which lgbt people [she focuses on women] are brainwashed to think they're straight, & the weird symptoms this can cause!)

- i read a spoiler about characters being not who you think they are initially, and so i knew john was dr. bretton, BUT I MISTAKENLY THOUGHT POLLY WAS GINEVRA! and in my last post i made a reference about seeing a lot of adèle varens in "the french girl of the story" but really i see a little bit of adèle in both ginevra and polly - to clarify this point. but i also see how the fairy references re: polly parallel jane - that's about where their comparison ends though.

- anyway the nun plot was interesting but kind of underwhelming. also which we got more time with ginevra's rakish beau.

- might make a whole post just on the comparisons between paul/rochester & paul/lucy & rochester/jane... so many... damn...

[noriaki-kak]

Ahhh ok I’m excited. Can I ask what your inspirations for Penelope and Leo were?

Ooh! They're some of my older ocs so this might get a little long but lemme see what I can put together.

Leo was one of the first characters I came up with in this whole extended world thing I've got going on. Funny enough this entire thing started as non-serious kinda jokey "I should come up with a dating sim concept and create all the different characters you could date." Leo predates my other characters even further by being a character in one of my earlier concept groups before I scrapped that, took him, and decided on a whole dating sim around the concept of dating demons in hell lol.

It's funny to think back on bc it rlly all did start as something not that serious. I was thinking about different dating sim archetypal character traits with the five characters I was creating, and when I got to Leo I pulled from various tropes.

He was the goofy jokey himbo type, kinda stupid but also more down to earth. But then it’d be a twist where, despite seeming straight forward, you'd get into his tragic sad backstory and a deeper side of his character would be revealed.

To be completely honest, while not the only inspiration or example, at the time mystic messenger was still mildly relevant in the dating sim world. So, while they couldn't be MORE different, 707 kind of was what made me want to go for creating a "Funny silly guy who's actually got some sad stuff going on." character sdfghj.

He was made to be a foppish Prince Charming that was cursed to become a demon. His backstory was supposed to be storybook fairytale stuff, resulting in a beauty and the beast sort of situation. It was tragic but not as fleshed out.

It stayed that way for a while but eventually when I started getting more serious and sharing this stuff with Thea, I began to go through and develop a lot of my different characters backstories. Lightly moving away from the dating sim elements to expand the broader world.

This is where Penelope would come in (and not long after Giselle and Caspian would follow hehe @dapper-comedy) I ended up really ironing out his story. I wanted to make Leo more sympathetic while still being at fault. Straying from prince charming to a more general, almost arthurian, hero prince type. Less arrogant, more well meaning, but still ultimately flawed in his desire to be an "ideal" prince.

Penelope on the other hand used to play a much smaller role in the story! Initially the story simply went that Leo was cursed by a witch as retribution for a wrong he committed, the curse stipulated that if his loved ones shunned his demonic form, then he’d stay a demon. And when he showed up as a demon, his fiancé rejected him.

But as I started going back, I thought it was a bit unfair to his fiancé that she existed more as a plot device for his initial story. So I went about giving her more complex motivations/wants and fears/etc and Penelope was born! She’s inspired by my wholly self indulgent desire to make female characters who are allowed to be awful and make horrible mistakes, while also being not entirely unjustified. (Penelope takes up so much brain real estate nowadays, it's almost surprising that I came up with Leo first sdfghj)

It feels pretentious to say but the groundwork being inspired by storybook fairy tales led the overall feeling to be inspired by classic tragedies. It all really came together when Caspian and Giselle came into the picture, leading to an overarching story of these four young friends not realizing the joy of their youth together until they slowly lose not just that youth, but each other.

[incarnadinedreams]

Do you have any particular thoughts about the jiang siblings trio and their dynamics?

Oh my goodness do I EVER. Well, when you say 'particular thoughts' I hope you weren't expecting anything resembling like… well-organized, properly structured thoughts, because my brain is mostly mush and there's not much of that around here. But boy do I ever have a LOT of very strong feelings about them that I am bad at articulating but I'm going to let them splorch out in an incoherent jumble now!!!

What I love about these three is how much they love each other… and how much that not only doesn't prevent their tragedy, it fuels it. Love is the kindling and the kerosene on that fire. It's intense, as destructive as it is beautiful in equal measure. Too close and too far at the same time, a double-edged sword that shreds them all to bits again and again, hurting themselves and each other, and all three of them end up doing something like dying for it at some point.

All of their lives would've been so much easier if they didn't care so damn much. But they hold on anyway.

Their relationships end up as the background that casts their strengths and flaws in stark relief in a way that's just so deliciously compelling to me!

From the beginning, there's always this constant undercurrent of something fraught and ambiguous between them. They're always scrambling to pull each other close while they're being pulled farther and farther apart. First by gossip and rumors and the terrible relationship between Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmian, then later by their own priorities and duties and obligations.

Their relationships are so difficult to define because it's equally important the ways they aren't siblings as the way they are. The distance is as painfully palpable at points as the bonds they share. That's what makes it so interesting and heartbreaking for me. It's easier to cast Jiang Yanli as the older sister who unquestioningly views Wei Wuxian as her little brother. But I think when it comes to Jiang Cheng it's a lot more complicated.

Between the two of them there's always this lingering question of What am I to you? A friend, a loyal right-hand man, a brother, a half of the twin prides, a hated enemy? Feral devotion or bitter resentment? Something more, something less? Everything or nothing at all?

With the way things play out, with all the things each of them doesn't know, they're both left feeling like the other abandoned them first. From Wei Wuxian believing that Jiang Cheng left him to go back to Lotus Pier alone to retrieve his parent's bodies, to Jiang Cheng's desperate and furious "if you insist on protecting them, I won't be able to protect you!".

But even through all that, there's an unquestioning faith in Wei Wuxian - too much, sometimes. When Wei Wuxian tells him they'll be the Twin Prides of Yunmeng, he believes him. When Wei Wuxian tells him to go up that mountain blindfolded, he does it. When Wei Wuxian tells him that he can control the ghost path, that everything will be fine, he believes him. Right up until he can't. Right up until the moment that faith shatters, when he's got his injured sister bleeding in his arms and Wei Wuxian finally admits he can't control it.

And yet, despite it all - perhaps in spite of himself - Jiang Cheng just can't stop loving him, and he hates it. At the Second Siege, he's prepared to do something that looks an awful lot like sacrificing himself for him again (even if it doesn't actually end up happening), and again at Guanyin Temple he didn't hesitate to take a sword through the chest for him (and ugh, Lan Wangji), even if wasn't actually necessary and therefore mostly embarrassing. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right?

Anyway I might add more thoughts later because truly there is just SO MUCH and I didn't even scratch the surface with Yanli even a little bit, and I got through that whole thing without even really digging into the golden core situation either, or the way the situation with the Jiang parents affected them all… and so really this isn't even the preamble of how many feelings I have about these three! (Thanks for the ask btw!)

[kawaiichibiart]

I mentioned in one of my first posts for the NPC AU that Blossoming ✿ Melodies has a floral theme going on.

I decided to assign each girl a flower and one to represent the group as a whole.

Mai - Purple Hyacinth

Purple hyacinths represent sorrow and seeking forgiveness. I specifically chose this flower for Mai to represent how she feels about causing Haruka to lose her job and thus her dream. While she has apologized, and was forgiven, she still holds a lot of regret about the situation. And it's going to be a while before she can forgive herself.

Nanami - Blue Star

Blue stars represent perseverance, persistence, and strength. Out of the four of them, Nanami is the one who's always pushing the others to continue. She knows the idol business can be tough and unfair, but she isn't one to back down, even when told to. She's doing everything she can to make sure this group works. That through ups and downs they can get better and better, and really send their message of always finding happiness and dreams to people.

Ayaka - Orange Daisy

Orange daisies represent happiness, friendship, and warmth. Ayaka is the one in the unit to easily make friends. She wants to see the best in life and not live with regret. She wants to be happy and is considered to be the idol with the warmest personality. She's empathetic, kind, friendly, and very social. Because of this she's usually the one to take charge of fan meetings and taking charge of their social media.

Yuina - White Chrysanthemum

While white chrysanthemums can represent grief and mourning, the meaning I went for Yuina is: honesty and loyalty. Prior to joining Blossoming ✿ Melodies Yuina struggled with those two traits about herself. Often times they clashed, times where she wanted to be honest went against her loyalty to friends/family. It's only after she joins Blossoming ✿ Melodies that she begins to work on both, priding herself on not holding back how she feels, while also maintaining a strong loyalty to the group and her own feelings.

Miku - Cherry Blossoms

As I said, Sakura Miku is Blossoming ✿ Melodies' Miku, so naturally she has cherry blossoms.

The meanings I chose to use for cherry blossoms are renewal and new beginnings. Miku is helping these girls start something new. For some of them it's a restart, for others it's completely new. She's here to help them blossom like spring is always around the corner. This group is Miku's bouquet and she and Rin are going to ensure it's beautiful.

Rin - Yellow Daffodils

Daffodils represent positivity (their bright, vibrant, yellow/white color), joy, and an appreciation for being alive.

Rin is very much an optimist in this Sekai, always cheerful and wanting to spread her joy to others. She's the one the girls go to whenever they need to be cheered up. Where Miku is helping the girls blossom, Rin is helping them become brighter and full of life.

Again, these girls are hers and Miku's bouquet and they want to make it beautiful, flaws and all.

Blossoming ✿ Melodies - Columbine

After thinking it through and looking at different flowers, I chose Blossoming ✿ Melodies' flower to be the Columbine, which represents aspiration, courage, endurance, and taking risks.

I see Blossoming ✿ Melodies as a group trying hard to become an idol group that can truly reach their audience and isn't just following a script. They're going to take risks, they're going to have to endure challenges and face them head on. They all want to have this courage and share it with others. They each have something they want to accomplish (Mai wants to forgive herself, Yuina wants to be loyal while still being honest, Nanami wants everyone to persevere, and Ayaka wants to spread happiness).

[pctaldrunk]

YAO HAIYIN , tw dysfunctional families, murder, etc. etc.

His mother was the leader of a decently sized, newly created sect, until she married his father. He was too young to know the details, and the elders, siding with his father, rarely talked about it - but his father took the sect over by force - using his safety as leverage to keep his mother in check. He did not understand, obviously, when he was younger. Mostly, he was just sad that he didn't get to see his mother very often and was always kept away from "home" for one reason or another.

As a young person, he seems unassuming, perhaps too soft. Not particularly soft-spoken, but generally pleasant and easy to talk to. Musically and artistically inclined, avid reader, eager student, lover of beautiful people and things. Always seems to say and do what's needed and wanted of him no matter which person he is facing - a skill, almost, to morph into the way and say with the voice of only what the other person wants to see and hear, no matter his true feelings. A survival mechanism, perhaps, living under his father's rule..

He got to see his mother only very rarely, a few times a year at most. Even so, he loved her, and was very sad when she was sad, and despite putting on a brave face for their meetings, she was sad all the time. As he grew older and older, he saw and heard things that allowed him to understand the situation and piece everything together. He promised his mother and himself that he would help her escape. However, his mother eventually wasted away in captivity before that could happen, leaving his father entirely in charge. Angry and grieving, he spends years pulling together plans to overthrow his father.

He succeeds. He overthrows his father and the sect's elders that stood with him. They're not all dead, in the aftermath, of course - but the ones that are alive probably wish they were dead. Haiyin succeeds his mother (he has wiped his father from the sect's inner documentations), at an incredibly young age. In the years following his succession, he closes the doors of the sect to the outside world entirely and spends his time clearing out any of his father's remaining forces. He rules with a just but iron hand - the paranoia of what happened during his childhood bleeding into his reasoning and the way he runs things.

Years later, he has relaxed. Once again he begins engaging with others in the cultivation community. In the face of his pleasantness and his unique ability to cater to other people's expectations of a friend-shaped being - most people have forgotten his bloody origins. They have forgotten that though it was in the name of revenge for his mother, he has done terrible things. Despite his jovial and friendly outward presentation - his life seems fairly empty and he is tired after taking over the burden of revenge and a sect so young. Now he roams around in disguise, and seeks an heir so that he might retire early from his position.

He is definitely A Gender (tm), but...he plays fast and loose with how he feels and pronouns. For example, he just let me write a whole bio using he/him. There are times when Haiyin specifically prefers she/her (Haiyin makes it pretty obvious when Haiyin is there) and a few times Haiyin will go for they/them. In general, pronouns don't matter to him too much. He will take any and all of them.

JIN SI (Jin Miaoshu), TW alcohol, dysfunctional family, sexism, etc. etc.

If Jin Z.ixun is the unpleasant (tm) cousin, Jin Si...is the one that gives you 99 headaches. Raised like a little princess - it wasn't too long before she figured out that she was being raised like a lamb for slaughter, too. Her father was not a particularly good man, and as the eldest and legitimate daughter of an inner family member in a family that - likely has some flawed teaching and opinions about the value of daughters, her destiny was mapped out early - sold to the highest bidder in a political marriage.

Horribly rebellious since the realization that the life she is living isn't...entirely right. Maybe it's attention seeking, maybe she's just tired - as soon as she's old enough / can manage it she hops on a sword straight for the nearby (and then slowly, further away) towns around L.anling. There, she lives - well, a party life. Drinking, brawling, gambling on occasion, learning dances from top performers at the local entertainment district - everything a "polite young lady of sophisticated and elegant disposition" ought not do. Accidentally or maybe a little bit on purpose, she aims to push her limits and her parents' limits every time. People don't usually question her - she's pretty, looks obviously like she has a ridiculous amount of money to spend, and is very generous (read: careless) a customer. If she ends up damaging the property, it'll be covered in full and twice over before she leaves. She really is the “black sheep” of the family.

Her parents somehow seem to think giving her more pocket money is going to make her make less trouble - it just gives her more funds for the trouble. She’s constantly about to kill jet father with an aneurysm and she’s a little bit proud of that.

Very...bratty, in her own element. Aware of her privilege and entirely going to use it / play it up. Uncooperative, lazy, picky, frivolous, short temper to boot - enjoys rolling her eyes and misusing her face, especially around her relatives and other cultivation world big shots. And any problem that can be solved with money is no problem. Doesn’t go out of her way to be unkind though. Snappy and sometimes sharp, escalates when the other person escalates - but quick to panic and backpedal when it becomes evident feelings have really been hurt.

Almost "more trouble than she's worth" in the words of her father - except after every night of all night drinking, brawls, and god knows what else she gets up to, she drags herself back in time the next morning to sit for whatever lesson, gathering, or formal affair she needs to sit in on.

(It's the futility of it all. The idea that her life will amount to nothing other than her fate and that her parents see her as little more than an item of value to trade. She says, perhaps a little wickedly - to let it rot. As long as she's "perfect" for the camera, so to speak - who cares what she does in her off time?)

Her cultivation is decent, though. Probably because she first needed it to sneak out of the wards they started placing around her rooms when they figurd out she was sneaking out at night, and then because she got into - way too many fights. She's by no means brilliant but she can carry a fight on her own. If she put her mind to it she might be brilliant - but she says "what's the point" anyway. Sleeps through most of her classes. Reads only what she wants to read and studies only what she wants to study.