#they're flawed that's the whole beauty of their situation

[princesssarisa]

I think in Wicked (the musical at least – not sure about the novel), there's a bit of an uneasiness between the theme of "everyone is morally gray, no one is all bad or all good" and the fact that Elphaba is a freedom fighter against a fascist government that commits atrocities against a minority group.

Yes, the Wizard has some sympathetic qualities, Elphaba has some flaws and briefly turns to villainy toward the end, and Glinda is a mass of moral grayness under her perky pink facade. But for the most part it's clear who the villains are (the Wizard and Madame Morrible), Elphaba's stance against them is clearly heroic, and Glinda's choice to work for them is clearly a moral sell-out, with which she struggles and from which she eventually redeems herself. When the Animals' treatment parallels the treatment of Jews in Nazi Germany, you can't take a "both sides" view of the situation. But every now and then, the show seems to do just that – whether in the song "Wonderful" with the Wizard's talk of "moral ambiguities" (though of course in that song, he's trying to justify his actions and manipulate Elphaba into joining him), or Elphaba and Glinda's reconciliation in "For Good," where they paint themselves as having been equally at fault. And again, and again, I've heard people say "There are no real villains in Wicked: the whole point is that there are two sides to every story and neither side is all good or all bad." But if that's the intended message, does it honestly fit with a plot that involves fascism and racial persecution?

Another work of fiction that I think has some uneasiness between its themes is Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Namely between "the Beast as a suffering, misunderstood outcast" and "the Beast as a powerful bully who needs to be humbled and change." I think a lot of the controversy about that movie stems from the uneasiness between those two themes.

On the one hand, the Beast is a spoiled, selfish prince, who was cursed as punishment for shutting out a poor beggar woman, who has a terrifying temper, and who orders others around and throws tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. His beastly appearance and mannerisms can be seen as outward symbols of his bad behavior, which is based in toxic class privilege and masculinity. From this perspective, Gaston is his kindred spirit, which is emphasized by visual cues: e.g. their similar striking blue eyes, or Gaston's pelt-covered, horned chair in the tavern that looks like the Beast's silhouette. The difference between them is that the Beast finally realizes he was wrong and changes his ways, while Gaston only becomes more beastly. But on the other hand, the Beast is also an "other", who hides from the world, who struggles with basic social skills, who is full of insecurity and self-loathing, whom Belle bonds with because they're both misfits, whose bestial mannerisms and overpowering rages are at least partly because the spell is warping his mind (in other words, a magical mental illness), and whom a mob tries to murder just because he looks scary. Analogies have rightly been drawn between the Beast and victims of racism, homophobia, or other prejudice. From this viewpoint, Gaston is his opposite: the type of privileged boor who receives undeserved hero-worship just because he's handsome and charismatic, and who persecutes "others" like the Beast.

When people view it chiefly as a story about the taming of a powerful bully, you hear accusations of "Stockholm Syndrome" and of the dangerous fantasies of changing an abuser. Viewing the Beast as a misunderstood outcast, who finds acceptance in a fellow outcast and who overcomes his mental health struggles and bad coping mechanisms as a result, reduces those accusations. But if you view the Beast chiefly as a misunderstood outcast, then his character arc can feel disempowering: so much of it consists of learning to be more people-pleasing and self-effacing, not to mention re-learning "normal" human manners and behavior (as an autistic person, I know I've sometimes felt "He needs to mask to be loved"), and he becomes fully "normal" by becoming human again in the end.

Maybe there is no uneasiness between these different themes: maybe it's just complexity. Maybe my feelings on the subject shows that I'm autistic and struggle with things that aren't black-and-white. But in both of these works of fiction, I do sometimes feel as if the writers were trying to tell two different stories at once, which sometimes fit together, sometimes not.

Does anyone else feel that way about other works of fiction? Can you name any other stories with multiple themes that seem slightly opposed and uneasy together?

[superectojazzmage]

Among my mounting bad/unsure feelings about Arcane season two is a feeling of... I don't know, weirded outness over how Jinx is being handled. Just the way they seem to almost be trying to pretend like she wasn't depicted in season one as basically a sadistic, bloodthirsty, would-be school shooter who did shit like shooting animals for fun or blowing up buildings to try and impress her dad.

Like, the narrative of this season seems to be going out of it's way to handle her with kids gloves in a way that season one didn't, treating her as if she's just a "lol so quirky" kind of character or even a genuine revolutionary hero to be idolized as Zaun's leader compared to season one's "oh this lady is genuinely dangerously unstable and a threat to everyone around her". She's not treated as a villain - albeit a tragic one - she's treated like she's a flawed hero at worst.

Hell, I mean, you see it with the whole plot of Zaun following Jinx as a symbol of revolt. Because all throughout season one, Jinx's relationship with Zaun in even the most charitable light amounted to everyone except Silco being fucking TERRIFIED of her or outright hating her guts, and with good reason as she did nothing but make everyone's situations worse by being a mood-swinging killer who attacks anyone and anything around her at the slightest provocation and constantly goes into violent, hallucinatory fugue states at even the most mild of stresses. But than she blows up the council and suddenly everyone is literally equating her with a god worshiped in Zaun? Imagine if you saw people claiming the Unabomber was the Second Coming and you get an idea of how bizarre that is.

Everyone regarded Jinx as a walking bomb in season one. Even a lot of Silco's allies - from Sevika to Marcus - spent said first season saying Jinx was out-of-control and that killing her would be doing Silco a favor, and that was objectively true, especially considering Jinx ends up directly murdering Silco in yet another fit of blind rage and panic. Now we get season two and anyone who seriously opposes Jinx seems to be treated like either a jerk or a burgeoning extremist for not liking a terrorist who kills people because the voices in her head say to do it, and some people who despised Jinx in season like Sevika now act like they're just mildly annoyed by her childishness and weird behavior (something else that was played in a very creepy light in s1, but now seems treated like it's harmless).

Her crimes from season one and even this season are kinda brushed over; there's tepid acknowledgment that she killed Caitlyn's mom and two other councilors, but that's it and nobody really dwells on the fact that she basically did fantasy 9/11. And likewise, Caitlyn is treated as if she's becoming a violent zealot for shooting at Jinx while Isha is near, but nobody so much as comments on Jinx outright murdering numerous children through Grey-bombing Piltover or literally shooting a teenage Firelight in the back in season one just because she looked like Vi.

Speaking of Isha, I hate to say it, but she really does feel like she has no reason for existing beyond making Jinx look better. No themes of Jinx perpetuating the kind of abuse Silco inflicted on her by raising to be the monster she is, no acknowledgment of how dangerous somebody like Jinx would be as a mother, no questioning of the ethics of Jinx's actions, and Isha watching Jinx murder people is framed in a silly, comedic light compared to season one's blunt depiction of how Powder being exposed to violence from a young age warps her. Isha throws straight KILLS HERSELF via suicide bombing and it's framed as a heroic, beautiful act and not a horrific sight of a child being so radicalized by the terrorist that raised her that she thinks killing others and eve herself "for the cause" is good. The series dangles her and Jinx being friendly with each other in front of you like a parent jangling car keys at an infant. "Oooh look at Jinx and Isha dancing and dying their hair haha it's so cute don't think about bad things, Jinx is nice now!".

I just honestly am not a fan of this "Harley Quinnification" of Jinx after season one went out of it's way to tear down that kind of character. Such a big part of Jinx's portrayal there was ripping apart the idea of this manic pixie terrorist who is Totes Awesomes and only hurts bad guys as part of it's larger themes of the ugliness of violence and the dangers of valorizing it. And I really feel like we're losing that. Not even just with Jinx, but with Zaun as a whole, this season feels like it's going full "everything is Piltover's fault, Zaun didn't do nothing wrong, those Piltover babies should just shut up and let themselves be attacked for being big stupid oppressor doodoo heads!!!!" which feels very counterproductive to the series' messages and like frankly shit writing.

[newbiespud]

I'm sure it's been said before but I'll say it myself because why not

The game In Stars and Time makes for a revealing contrast to the movie Groundhog Day in how they treat their final time loop and how that reflects on the main character. (Even though, if I remember right, the dev largely wasn't aware of Groundhog Day when they came up with ISAT.)

Spoilers for both after the break, I guess.

In Groundhog Day, Phil starts out narcissistic and self-centered, has the realization that he can live life without consequences, gets depressed after having tried and done everything that he's got everyone and everything memorized so that nothing can delight and surprise him anymore, and finally escapes when he performs a loop that proves that a better, happier world is within his grasp to make, not something owed to him, and that he is happy with the life he has today, not always pining for his ambitions for the future.

In... In Stars and Time, Siffrin starts out deflecting and aloof, has the realization that they can do this perfectly - 'this' being not only the impossible challenge of defeating the King but navigating their relationships with their party - gets depressed after hitting wall after wall and repeatedly fumbling into faux pas after faux pas with their party, and finally escapes when they perform a loop where their true feelings come out, no matter how ugly, and they're honest about their own desires and wishes rather than trying to keep up an ideal façade.

Plenty of people have pointed out that In Stars and Time subverts the 'escaping on the perfect loop' time-loop trope that Groundhog Day largely codifies. Not only does the 'perfect' loop completely fail, Siffrin escapes on arguably the 'worst' loop, the one where they rightfully worry that they've hurt and alienated their loves ones forever and cannot escape those consequences anymore.

But I don't think this contrast is as direct as it seems, even though one could say that Phil got away scot-free compared to Siffrin and that In Stars and Time is the superior story for portraying a harsher outcome. (I do think that exploration and advancement of tropes is just inevitable and even healthy over time, and Groundhog Day came out in 1993 so of course it and the tropes it spawned deserve modern critique, but I digress.) I actually think that it reflects how both stories and the mechanics of their time loops are built around their main characters. (There's also something to be said about how genre shapes narrative since GD is an existential comedy and ISAT is an action-adventure focusing on interpersonal drama, but that's another digression.)

ISAT makes an impact on the whole time loop genre with its clever subversion, but like all the best subversive stories, it's couched in strong characters that embody its themes.

And to take a broader perspective, the best time loop stories are allegories for the real-life situation of making the same mistakes over and over again caused by your own deep-seated personality flaws, and being forced to finally confront your inner demons and overcome them and become a better, healthier person. (Relatable, much?)

Phil is a man who's never happy with his lot in life, so he needs to learn to find the eternal richness and beauty of what he has within his grasp, and that a better, happier life is something he can make for himself. Thus, he escapes on the 'best' loop.

Siffrin is a person who refuses to share their true feelings and problems with others to the point of self-destruction (and complete reinvention in one aspect), so they need to learn that no matter how ugly and twisted they think they are, being open and honest doesn't mean their loved ones will care about them any less, even when Siffrin is seen at their lowest point possible. Thus, they escape on the 'worst' loop.

It's not just clever subversion, it's holistic circular story structure!

...Though maybe I'm just drawn to these stories because I, too, would like some extra time to Figure Some Shit Out and have that time come with some superpowers along the way, even if it nearly destroys me in the process.

[onehellofapsycho]

one thing that's stuck in my head with act3 pv

when they're alone and finally got enough time for so needed confrontation, Vi calls Caitlyn right away directly. There's no beating around the bush There's no sugarcoating the situation but calling it for what it's, and what's Caitlyn's answer?

confirmation and acknowledgement in anger. Anger that's directed at herself who fell so low and let hatred-fueled vengeance blind her and allow Ambessa to have full control.

That's maturity after life throws at you its ugly reality of tragedies and a responsibility that's miles away beyond your then capabilities. This is an act that I wouldn't see from season one Caitlyn that's prideful and full of naive idealism.

Caitlyn went through so much changes in those few months than what life have offered her since she was a sheltered kid from the Kiramman. If we overlook the rushed pace, I'd def say Caitlyn's arc is one of the best of Arcane Because nothing is as beautiful as seeing a character that's flawed, a character that's telling you of how wretched yet so compelling it is to be a human and for these human emotions to devour you whole.

Which makes me a little wary of this scene following their fight

Life isn't merciful and you're never forgiven for your mistakes despite whatever circumstances forced you into acting on them. I'm concerned what Caitlyn has to payback for these mistakes but hopefully it isn't her very sight.

[lopposting]

On the freckles + Geppetto (Spoilers below)

Geppetto saying "it looks like you inherited his personality instead of his memories" is very very suspicious, and he says "personality" with such disdain - if you were a father who loved their child, wouldn't you want them to retain their core persona of who they were, than remember exactly everything from your past? I don't know, is it just me, or doesn't it feel like it's more important? I know memories make us who we are, but it still really came across as a deliberate piece of dialogue to word

Geppetto didn't want Carlo back, he specifically wants an obedient version of him, the rotting/preserved corpse body puppet is to show that Carlo was long gone. Remember that one of the most important decisions in the game is granting Sophia "her peace", which is her having the choice to end her own life. And then the nameless puppet is revealed, and it's as if Carlo is being kept alive against his own will (like as Simon does with Sophia). no wonder carlo didn't like him, the really disturbing thing is that nameless puppet still defies Geppetto in the end which suggests that it/(he??) is still somewhat conscious?? .. wat.

Another Character design I've noticed... and this is me making BIG leaps, by the way, I don't mean to make any statement on korean culture as a whole, but skin has a lot of symbolic meaning, and importance, in korean society. I know every country has stuff like this, but it seems really significant here considering this is a korean studio, ill try to get into why

P has very noticeable freckles on his skin, I can even say that they're hard to ignore (especially his right cheek), they're even visible in promotional material. and the irony is that he possesses these "flaws" and is more human-like despite being "artificial", he also has visible pores!! something completely natural, human, that stringent societal norms might deem as "imperfect"

Freckles can be seen as "imperfections" in korean culture (I mean I can only guess, and I suppose this negative perception is a little the same in the west as well?), they have this term called "glass skin" which is what is deemed as the "ideal": zero blemishes, really even tone, and often lighter in tone is seen as "beautiful", and there's a lot of pressure to be that way. It's a really pervasive idea that I don't think I am in the position to really talk about, and I don't mean to demean the culture, it's not like this is exclusive to korea/asia, I'm just mentioning it to explain this in the context of the game

And then "Carlo" doesn't have ANY of these things. He has "PERFECT" skin, those freckles are just gone. I feel like this isn't just a mistake. it kind of gets a message across about Geppetto's real intentions in reviving him. I mean, it's possible that maybe it's more of a siblings situation, and Carlo simply just didn't have freckles? but if you think about it from a storytelling perspective, remember that Geppetto refers to him as "mischievous", an odd translation maybe, but everything else suggests that the real Carlo was actually deeply defiant of his father while he was alive, again I think it sends a message about Giuseppe re-creating his son but without the things he saw as "flaws" in his son that he didn't like

yeah... loving this game more and more by the day

[everythingiguess]

I feel like what I’m about to say might not be to everyone’s liking, but I think we’re all allowed to have our opinions about it.

I liked the episode; it felt real. It seems to me like some people want the characters to behave the way they want them to, or to follow a specific line so everything is correct and there are no flaws.

That isn’t, and I’ve been saying this for the past few weeks, how real life works. A lot of people might have their life figured out, or might not have an internal conflict about many aspects of their lives. But you have to know that not everybody is like you. Especially in this case, where the characters’ personalities and inner conflicts have already been established.

Sometimes, we need to try, understand, and accept why people do the things they do. And while this is a show, I think it is also quite helpful so that we can learn how to be more understanding of other people.

Some viewers might not understand Dee because they wouldn’t behave or make the same decisions as him, but that doesn’t mean he’s a bad character or that he’s annoying. I’ve even seen people say he likes to do this whole thing because he thinks Yak is not enough (which I won’t talk about because that statement in itself tells me a lot about how much you haven’t understood the character at all).

Others might not get why Yoryak waits for him, or why Yoryak is nicer and more understanding of his father -and step-mother- than Yei. Others might not get Yei either or why he has so much resentment or the reason why he doesn't want Yak to be involved with the gym situation.

That’s the beauty of watching shows and their characters. They’re not supposed to make the right decisions all the time, they're not supposed to be like you or me all the time. Everyone is different, every single person thinks differently, and everyone deals with conflicts and life differently.

While I might not completely relate to some characters reactions and decisions, I understand them and their situations as much as I can, as if they were real people that I know and love.

Anyway, I know this is long but I wanted to say it because that’s the way I enjoy shows in general, and as long as the story and the characters make sense, I’ll keep enjoying Wandee Goodday.

[unavailable-fan]

Just thoughts on HPMA story

Finished probably all main stories currently in hpma (up to Year 4) Never was a big hp fan, loved first few movies as a kid and played the old games in its universe, so i do have fond memories about it, and first movies are still pretty cool production-wise, but with all the recent and not so recent author related things i get why people don't want to engage with anything hp-related Still i like the universe mostly how it was portrayed in the earlier movies and there's not much that fill that particular niche for me So i was interested in the game when i first heard about it like 3 years ago, mostly cause it's art-style is charming slightly dark but comfy Anyway, somehow i managed to participate in cbt, and i liked it a lot despite the game having lots of flaws It still is quite a mess in various aspects, but, oh, do i like its story, art style and voice acting It's still clunky, obviously, but it's also like the best worst fanfic ideas stitched together into a story with questionable tone and moral, but it's beautiful like this Instead of hp main trio we have: - a kid, who gets into dozen criminal offences a year, cause they try to help people around them, and some people use it to make the kid break laws for them, yey - an idealistic hothead girl with memory problems, who will fight you on sight, cause she loves her friends a lot and tries to protect them never thinking about the fact she's super capable of accidental mass-murder, also she's kinda awkward in some regular social situations, like her life can get any weirder than it already is - a very kind guy, who tries to act like the most cynic person ever, cause his every attempt of having a calm life fails miserably, has terrible reputation of being a criminal and one of the best potion brewers and for some reason dancers(!) in school, just let this guy rest, please They're miserable on their own, but together they're even worse, their interactions are the cutest, but the horrors they have to go through in the name of friendship are endless Among other things this story has: - Hagrid, doing his usual thing - Neville, being the best teacher in the whole school while still getting bullied for some reason - McGonagall, as a principal - a Slytherin bully/rival girl, who's actually kinda cool and pretty fun, once you get used to her attitude - an artist, a werewolf, a prophet and a play on "evil twins" trope all in one year - a pair of cute and hilarious polar opposites Gryffindor students, whose relationship is the talk of their whole friend group - an actual evil Gryffindor, can you believe this - a gay ghost guy who refuses to tell you how he died - a talking portrait, who makes you hoard stuff, in hopes it will somehow get the ghost guy to talk - a goth gardener lady, who casually reminds you of your mortality every day - a musician who makes kids jump into lakes at night, cool - a guy, who makes kids illegally raise dragons on school grounds - a group of poachers, who follow kids illegally raising dragons on school grounds And! At least two instances where physical violence is actually the answer!

I guess i just love the fact this story has pretty bold choices and doesn't treat source material too carefully, while having actually pretty enjoyable characters No idea how it will develop further, but i do want more people to know about this particular in-universe story to see more fan-takes on all of it like, go watch story letsplays of it or something, if you're interested love cool stories, hate when they belong to franchises with messy history

[kannra21]

I don’t understand why anime men can be drawn looking handsome while also looking normal and wearing normal clothes, but sososo often, anime women are drawn looking like their tits are going to pop out of their bras and/or they wear provocative outfits.

Do men (or male artists anyway) not care if a woman is beautiful if she isn’t being revealing? Do her facial features, the way she carries herself, her hair, etc. not matter so long as she’s not trying to act like a seductress?

From my own experience with men I can only say one thing- they are liars. Or at least they like lying to themselves.

They will oftentimes say that they don't like women who reveal feminine features, but they do. Men like women and they like objectifying them. Bc if men are straight, logically, they're attracted to women. Bc woman's body is pretty and not just in a sexual sense. Sometimes it's just pretty for looking at; like art, nude modeling and act. Worshipped even. Woman's body is prettier than man's body in so many ways. But I think this beauty shouldn't be so heavily sexualized like it's often the case in the east. Japan has so much explicit content that they even have categorized shops at every corner, in public spaces. I don't know how Japanese women feel about this but statistics show that their birth rate is slowly declining. Besides poor economic situation, women don't feel respected or loved enough. And the feminism has risen in this part of the world as well.

Anyways, back to the point- I respect Gege for keeping his characters neat and the story heavily plot oriented without much fanservice (men are the fanservice lol). Gege also says that his parents are reading the manga so I suppose he doesn't rly want to feel like a disgrace lmao. I'm not sure if this was his marketing strategy to interest women into shōnen genre but it definitely worked, now jjk has become one of the most popular series of all time. And it's ok to have Mei Mei as one token representative of a "sexy woman" stereotype although I wouldn't rly call her sexy either. She's just a beautiful woman.

What definitely helps the whole situation is Gege's taste in fashion. No male mangaka that I know ever paid attention to this one very important factor. Fashion is a type of expression, and it can tell a lot about the character themselves without incorporating their personality in words. With that said, jjk women have so much personality to them, it's fascinating.

Mei Mei and Mai could be considered sexy, Utahime is a traditional authoritative beauty, Nobara is very stylish and confident, Maki is a strong tomboy girl, Miwa and Momo are girly and cute, Ozawa is a shy girl, Shoko is your typical CEO woman, Yuki is a biker girl. And some of them have short or tied up hair which is nice bc it can be just as feminine as long hair. He even introduced women's insecurities like Ozawa being overweight and that Yuuji didn't mind bc he found her writing and table manners pretty. Momo's outlook on woman's prejudice in jujutsu world is also something important to adress. Yuuta is shown kissing Rika bc what they're having is true love and true love doesn't know shallow boundaries. Gege understands woman's struggle.

In an interview, Gege revealed that he has similar mindset to Megumi and that he doesn't want to sexualize women as much. The way he treats woman body is purely artistic. At least watching these panels didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all.

Regarding Mei Mei's and Ui Ui's relationship, yea it's a taboo. But I think that author didn't want to promote incest, rather, he wanted to show that Mei Mei is a woman with flaws. And flaws are something that makes a person interesting, together with their virtues. She also likes money. To the point that Gojo made fun of her by flipping a coin to summon her bc apparently, Mei Mei lacks self-respect.

In contrast to her, Utahime respects herself too much. That's why she's often hysterical and Gojo tells her that hysterics won't win men (Gojo is a real mansplainer huh).

Gojo is rude and so is Sukuna. But Miwa and Yorozu don't even notice a man's flaw if they're interested in him (Gege knows a woman's mind too well, which is funny). That's why he's asking ladies to vote for Nanami instead of Gojo in popularity poll (women should set aside shallow interests and concentrate on person's kind soul).

Unlike them, Shoko is aloof and rational bc she's too aware of fleetingness of life, especially in her line of work as a doctor. Sure, she can be friendly and smile a lot, but she doesn't want to form any strong relationships with anyone. This is the only way she can keep her sanity in check. After all, jujutsu is just a marathon where the finish line is a pile of friends' corpses. Something the younger generations are a bit immature to understand.

Nobara is a very stubborn girl, she sometimes comes off as too bossy or rude (Yuuji calls her a bitch lol). But it turns out this was only her defense mechanism with people she's unfamiliar with bc she didn't want to be underestimated for being a country girl of limited thoughts and experience. Bc Nobara is indeed a great girl with many talents.

Maki is a strong, independent woman but this doesn't mean that she refuses help and support from people around her. She likes guys who are stronger than her (and Yuuta comes into picture, besides, he also suggested that he wants to crush Zenin clan together which explains her liking to him). Panda noticed that and wanted to play a wingman. Although his boobs question (Maki's insecurity) was a bit inappropriate (but it got the point across), Yuuta's answer was very polite which made him more likeable in her eyes.

Yuki and Todo are similar bc they're nosy, they enjoy exploring different people's interests and judge them whether they're considered "a person of culture" (which adds to the series' comedic aspect). I love Haibara's answer bc he says "I like women who eat a lot" bc he knows that women who eat are happy and that a hungry woman is an angry woman.

Gege understands women so much that fans are contemplating whether Gege is actually a woman himself or not. It's nice to have a mangaka who's this mindful.

[jbk405]

I started season two of Arcane today. I'm pretty hyped, but not 100% since the first season had some flaws (Mainly bizarre pacing, but that meant that a lot of story beats didn't hold together).

The first episode ("Heavy is the Crown") was a bit of a mixed bag. Some parts it really managed to knock it out of the park. That alternate animation during the funeral and mourning at the beginning was downright beautiful. And the decisions and actions of the surviving councilors all make sense for the situation, so I'm not frustrated at their stupidity (Unhappy with their actions, yes, but not unhappy with the show). But the story they're setting up for the rest of the season is not looking great. Particularly the Enforcers team they close the episode with.

It's all Dramatic when Caitlyn closes the episode by Taking Charge and talking about how she will use her own Elite Force to eliminate the threat in Zaun without igniting open war, but that makes no sense because the only people who actually are "elite" in this force are her and Vi. The other three we don't even know. Literally. We don't even know two of their names, and none of them demonstrated any particular skill in the fight. They had the determination not to cower and run away, so I'll definitely give points for that, but that's it. The one whose name we do know is a "junior officer". One of them is literally just some guy that Vi got drunk with after bumping into him on the street the night before. We saw him hold up a shield to block a blow, and that is literally it.

There's no reason for anybody to have more trust in these three than in any three random Enforcers they pluck out of the ranks.

The first episode of the first season set up the Vander family unit so that when they all died later we felt like a family was being torn apart. When Some Guy #1 and Some Guy #2 die two episodes from now I'm going to wonder "Who were they again?"

Plus, having Vi join the Enforcers now flat-out doesn't make sense. She's got a lot of legitimate beef with the organization as an organization, plus a lot of emotional and personal beef on top of that. Caitlyn tried to make a comparison with her own anger at Jinx and Zaun after the death of her mother, and how she's trying not to let that make her vengeful and blind to the fallout of her actions, but Vi isn't asking her to defect to Zaun. That's what joining up as an Enforcer is. Vi is not working with them temporarily because their goals happen to align, she's wearing their colors and that is a whole different thing.

I know her becoming an Enforcer was inevitable eventually since she's one in the game and this is the character backstory, but they at least could have built up to it.

[funnuraba]

My review of Most Ardently as A Transmasc (not the worst recent transmasc YA book, but not great or even good):

I didn't care for this? The dysphoria is well-described, but I didn't get anything else out of the experience. I thought at one point that Bingley might get fleshed out a bit more than the original book, and Oliver could enjoy being one of the guys in a way that strengthened all their characters, but then it was mostly just Oliver and Darcy after that.

Firstly, there are three or four scenes where the author was clearly feeling it and putting in effort--the fair, Oliver's dream about going swimming with his ideal body. Those are fine. All the other prose is so turgid and dull that rereading it for this review was a chore. There are at least four scenes where Collins/Wickham/Mrs Bennet/Lady Catherine says something outrageous, and Oliver stares at them thinking, 'Bwahh? Are they seriously saying that (PREMISE OF SCENE)? They can't be serious. It's almost like (OTHER CHARACTER'S FATAL FLAW).' Not funny. Not fun. The support Oliver gets is boilerplate "I love and support you always." Everyone else is constantly saying, "Wow, you're so feminine and should be more feminine, I love women and you are a woman and women are feminine, do you have dysphoria yet or should I start over?" Please trust your audience a little bit, even if you're writing YA!

Beyond that, I don't feel like this was Pride & Prejudice in any meaningful way. It doesn't engage with the characters or setting except that the plot is vaguely "hot rich guy might hate you, and someone spreads rumors about him?!?" It felt more like Disney's Beauty and the Beast if Belle (or Beau) had a sister and the Beast had a friend. Collins and Wickham might as well be two halves of Gaston, because they're not Collins and Wickham. Nobody is the same: Mr Bennet isn't witty but lazy and passive-aggressive, he's just the smiling kindly father who accepts Oliver instantly, and takes decisive action to protect him. Crazy old Maurice! Jane is supportive but sassy, not at all the Jane Bennet who refuses to think or speak ill of anyone down to the man who runs off with her sixteen year old sister. She's Oliver's Generic Sister. Oliver himself has no wit, no spark, no pride, no prejudice. No growth or flaws to overcome except being closeted. Collins isn't one of the most famous comic figures of English literature, he's just a dull guy who complains about modernity and tells Oliver he has beautiful child-bearing hips in public (what?!?!). (Collins in the original book has a very distinctive way of speaking that usually vanishes in remixes; as usual it's gone here. I'll grant that it's exhausting to replicate!)

Now, Wickham had unbelievable potential to explore in this remix, because how does Oliver, who likes men, react to being charmed by a handsome, charismatic man whose charm is predicated on addressing him as a woman the whole time? That's never addressed, because Oliver can simply sense the child molestions radiating off Wickham with his built-in Geiger counter, and dislikes him immediately. And Wickham is like a real sad sack here and has no game at all. Just straight to "Darcy is a bastard man, mean to my cousin. Maybe gay 🤨??"

There's little to no engagement with any of the social mores of the era, even the ones that only require an annotated copy of P&P to research, because they're already in the original book. Oliver says "arse" at a public ball while presenting as a woman. Jane says "bastard"!!! Oliver is addressed regularly as "Miss Bennet" in situations where his elder sister is present. Later, Mr Collins calls him "Miss Elizabeth" and he's shocked by the deadnaming, but has a whole little moment explaining in his head that oh, that makes sense, because there are other Miss Bennets in the room. ....Except Oliver Bennet wouldn't have that thought, because there was a basic etiquette rule to deal with the surname problem, which he should know. He would always have been Miss Elizabeth unless Jane was totally absent.

Furthermore, the Bennets' financial and class situation seems to have been completely altered, except I don't think the author realizes it. Oliver mentions that they can only afford books on special occasions, and he dreams of having a library--but Mr Bennet in the original book has that very library, because they have a good income that they've spent rather than saved. They wouldn't be in their social circles otherwise. In Most Ardently, the Bennets don't live on a countryside estate with tenants who pay them rent. They live in a London townhouse that supposedly has servants, but in practice nobody acts like they do. Oliver has regular chores, Mrs Bennet brings food out to their guests, and Oliver offers to bring a broom for a dropped teacup. Mr Bennet is vaguely mentioned to have "work". Is he in trade? This is a pretty major change to their class, and it makes them into a family that would be excluded from every ball and gathering that the Bennets attend.

Except none of that matters, because the author wasn't trying to write anything but a modern single-income family that has to scrimp and save on some fronts. So Most Ardently just doesn't take place anywhere or any time in particular.

Charlotte, meanwhile, is now Charlotte Lewis for some reason. Her father isn't wealthy, he was never knighted, and the rest of her family doesn't exist, so it's just her and her hardworking father with no servants. We're told that they can't afford servants. Again, this is a worldshaking alteration to her class. Oliver Bennet, if we assume he's in Elizabeth's position from the book, would never socialize with a woman this poor. Not ever. They wouldn't be friends. He wouldn't go over to her servant-less house. Not even if his father were in trade. Charlotte Lucas helping out in the kitchen sometimes is already an object of derision from Mrs. Bennet in P&P; to have zero servants at all was the sign that your family was itself in the servant class.

(While I'm here: Charlotte Lewis was renamed from Charlotte Lucas, and her girlfriend is named Lu, which makes me feel like she's dating a gijinka of her original last name? Is that why Lu has no discernible personality? There's a lot of Oliver going over to their homes, talking to them alone in private, being in their bedrooms. It would've been interesting to see how a trans man from this time period would feel about all that, given that men weren't supposed to do any of those things--how does this alter the pre-existing friendship from before he realized he was a man? Does he feel invalidated that he has to break the rules of being a man in order to talk to people who will treat him as a man, or does he find the rules don't matter as much to him now? Nothing like that is ever addressed, though.)

Lady Catherine (who is somehow OOC despite doing the same things she does in canon) is now Darcy's former guardian, because Darcy was aged down. I don't know if a widowed aunt could even be made legal guardian of two underage relatives when Darcy's mother still has a living brother--an earl, no less; but again, there's no consideration of how things might have been different in the past. There's no Anne de Bourgh, which, fine, you can pare down the cast for a shorter story. But we still have to have the famous shades of Pemberley confrontation, so Lady Catherine wants Darcy to marry...... Wickham's cousin?! In the original story, this would be the niece of her brother-in-law's steward. That's not happening! Wickham doesn't seem to be in a different class here in Most Ardently. In fact, I'm not sure what he does, besides stalking Oliver and socializing with Mr Collins (?). I don't think the army is even mentioned. So why on earth would his cousin be a candidate to marry the incredibly rich nephew of an earl? This universe has no anchor in reality!

I guess my issue here is that all the social commentary and character detail from P&P is erased, and replaced with the singular conflict of being gay and trans. However, it doesn't even address that fully, because it might as well be 1990. It feels dishonest and cheap to ignore the actual concerns a trans man (who's white and in a certain social class) would have in this time period, precisely because many of them are IN the original book. Why is Oliver acting like it's solely a question of "living alone" if he refuses to marry? As an unmarried person perceived as a gentlewoman, he won't be able to earn any income, and he'll have to live an unpleasant life of poverty and dependence; not even dependence on his sisters, but on the mercy of their husbands. And when Darcy proposes to "Elizabeth" at the Collins', Oliver just goes "Ummm well first off you're gay" while refusing him. Darcy doesn't know this is Oliver, whom he'd been flirting with previously and knew he was gay. To him, this is a random woman who somehow blurts out that she knows he's attracted to men, while he's trying to acquire a beard to hide that very fact. His response is completely inappropriate. He's somewhat put out and asks where she heard this. In no way does he react like someone whose life could be turned upside down if this fact got into the wrong hands.

Also, why in god's name is Oliver so insistent that everyone needs to Live Their Truth openly instead of hiding it? He comes across like a spoiled little brat with no idea what danger or suffering look like. He goes around demanding this of people as if it doesn't endanger them and their loved ones. Of course Darcy wants to marry a woman! He has wealth and property that need to be passed on, and a little sister who needs to make a safe marriage to a man who can support her. Rich people could get by with a little deviance, but only as long as they played the game in other respects. How would Oliver not understand this?

Then there's Charlotte. She and Oliver quarrel over their respective life plans: she wants to hide herself, marry a man, and go on with her secret relationship with Lu. Oliver wants to be recognized by the world as a man. So, Oliver could be planning to abandon his original identity and live stealth as a working man. There were trans men doing this back then; he could have heard stories about men being discovered "as women" after their deaths, and have a romantic dream of doing this, which Charlotte finds unrealistic.

But instead Charlotte tells him something completely true for the vast majority of queer people back then: that he'll most likely have to hide who he is and marry a man. Oliver gets mad at her for this. They somewhat make up, and Oliver sees things in a more nuanced way, and Charlotte tells him that Collins is actually very sweet to her. But then at the end, Collins turns out to be a blackmailing transphobe.... and not even a smart transphobe, because he finds out from Wickham that Oliver, whom he knows as Cousin Elizabeth, is wearing trousers at home. And Collins inexplicably thinks this could be a legal threat to him inheriting Longbourn. Why? Who would think that? Also, why are they friends? I'm choosing to believe that Wickham seduced him off screen, because it's never explained. They have nothing in common.

So Collins is so scared that he offers to pay Wickham to coerce Oliver into marriage as a woman, and of course Oliver, who had never considered inheriting Longbourn, is like, "🤨 wait a minute. That's a good idea," and it turns out Mr Bennet was secretly working on having him legally recognized as a man all along. Through the means of... well, it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I'm not gonna quibble with this part, because people did get away with some surprising things back in the day. That part was fine.

So Oliver is declared legally a son, and good for him and all, but as a Charlotte fan, it feels like her arc is just, okay fuck you girl! Woman can't judge people for shit. Enjoy your shit asshole husband while Oliver openly lives as a man, you stupid bisexual(?). (A lot of reviewers call her a lesbian, but Lu says that the two of them aren't repelled by men like other "women who love women", so, bisexual? Or... I don't know?)

I don't want to be tearing down #ownvoices writing, and I do feel like there's a good story about dysphoria and parental acceptance in here. But everything else is so confusing and distracting that it doesn't work. This feels like it was forced into a very narrow shape by having to be a Pride And Prejudice Retelling. (Just like your waist in a fictional rib-crushing corset, huh?! Huh?! 🤣) There are plenty of modern-day P&P adaptations where the writers can write what they actually want to write around a much vaguer core story, while excising or altering subplots and characters they don't want to deal with. That would've eliminated nearly all of my problems with the story.

For example, a reimagined Mrs Bennet could accept Oliver as a man without the baggage of having acted like the canon Mrs Bennet for the entire preceding novel. That was just unbelievable! She's been sulking and taking swipes at Oliver ever since he started wearing men's clothing at home, but suddenly he says, "I'm a boy!" and she not only understands immediately, but says, "Of course! That explains why you hate dresses!" What?! It was even set up perfectly for her to be consistent and say something like, "I don't know what that means, but if Mr Darcy's courting you, you can do whatever the hell you want!"

Also good lord there were some clunky moments. Mr Collinsbot at one point says, "All Of Your Sisters Are Of Marrying Age," and Oliver all but forms a T with his hands so he can timeout, look at the camera and think a full paragraph about how Actually, while it's technically legal for my youngest sister, 14, to marry, it would be highly irregular and unexpected, dear readers from the 21st century with ethical concerns. I swear at one point they're talking about Robinson Crusoe, and Darcy pauses to say that "some of the depictions are... questionable"--and that has to be about the racism, right? I'm sorry, but I don't need your wealthy, white 19 year old in whatever-year-this-is to be meaningfully anti-racist, because you know what? I just don't believe it. Devote a little time to explaining why he'd feel that way--is his family involved in anti-slavery efforts? Did he somehow befriend a man of color in between his years at rich white boy school?--or don't bother.

The Lydia thing doesn't happen here, because Wickham would rather scheme to force Oliver into marrying him so he can gain..... nothing, really..... but it turns out the Georgiana thing did happen. We never see Georgiana, so don't worry that there might be a character who has anything going on in their life beyond their thoughts about Darcy and Oliver being gay and trans. Original Darcy is deeply concerned with his sister's feelings, and with period-specific worries about her marriage prospects; this Darcy just drops You Groomed My Sister in front of like five other people. No Ragrets. Hilariously, Mr Collins is horrified to learn about this, even though he came here to blackmail his own 17 year old cousin into marrying this same man, so it comes across like he's only upset because a relative of Lady Catherine was inconvenienced. Most in-character he's been so far. In conclusion, fuck you, Charlotte.

{EDIT: I wrote this a few months ago, and just now, a more recent review has made me aware of something I missed from the audiobook and a second look through the text, because it's so completely stupid: this Wickham is of an age with Darcy and Oliver, 18 and 17. So his attempted elopement with Georgiana took place between two people who could conceivably be in a modem high school together. .....Yeah, well, I can't even think of something to say about that. Wow, nobody, but nobody, has anything happening in their life except for Darcy and Oliver's epic love, huh? The review I learned this from says that Wickham and Georgiana were schoolmates in this book. Now, what co-educational school facility are they attending in the grand old years of 1790ish-18whatever? Be serious, Most Ardently.}

One scene in a molly house (a wholesome one, serving young adults and teens) makes me think it was literally written to take place in a modern club, with someone sitting down to play a brief waltz. A few couples stand up and waltz around in the molly house for a short while, Oliver and Darcy kiss... off the basis of two conversations.... then they all sit back down to keep reading. Why is Oliver so casual about kissing Darcy in semi-public? He only realized he was a man about a year ago, and already he's thrown everything he ever learned about physical relationships out the window? Is anyone in the downstairs establishment wondering where all that hidden waltz music is coming from? And why does Oliver casually say that people with no gender at all regularly come to this molly house, then add as an afterthought that he's EVEN heard tell of one or two trans men like him going there? Wouldn't that be way more common than nonbinary people? Just statistically?

Another issue I can't ignore, pursuant to the Charlotte Problem: this is just kind of a sexist book. I hate to be furthering the narrative of trans men being misogynistic, but it simply can't be overlooked in light of the original P&P having multiple flawed, but developed and memorable female characters. There are none of those in this book. Everyone is an accessory to Oliver. Elizabeth Bennet worries a lot about her sister Jane and counsels her, reassures her, acts as her rock. In Most Ardently, Oliver is the one getting all the support and being told that he's valid and wonderful by Jane, who has no personality beyond which men she likes. Charlotte lets Oliver use her home as a base to change his clothes and presses his pants for him--what kind of asshole is he for letting her do this, instead of resting for a few minutes? She has no servants! There are no dishwashers or washer-driers! She's cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry by hand every day all by herself! She's emptying the chamber pots too! Oliver needs his secret sets of pants pressed?? He can do it his damn self!

Darcy casually reveals to multiple strangers that his sister was groomed and nearly eloped with Wickham, with seemingly no thought that Georgiana might be hurt by this. Oliver is the center of everyone's universe. On top of that, Darcy's unpleasant behavior is put down to the fact that he doesn't like women and can't be polite to them. Because he's gay. This is never addressed at all. He's just gonna keep acting like that, and it's apparently not a problem.

Anyway, as I said, Charlotte gets some lip service towards having a valid point about having to live in the closet, but it's all undone by showing us that actually, she's a stupid idiot who shackled herself to an actively malicious man for the rest of her life. Meanwhile Oliver was completely right, and he gets to live his life out of the closet as a man while she spends her life with Collins. The original book lets the reader decide whether or not Charlotte made the "right", or at least righter, choice. Here, she's unequivocally wrong, and her life is going to suck, and she doesn't even get to inherit Longbourn someday. Oh, and she's only nineteen, so why did she jump at Mr. Collins anyway? She has no reason to be desperate yet. Her entire basis and motivation has been erased and invalidated.

And, we cannot forget the main thing mentioned by critical reviews: Oliver thinks of himself and Darcy as "boys" roughly 250 times in this book. (I joke, but Libby's word search shows 99 uses of the word as of chapter 17, at which point it gives up.) Does he know any other words? Young man? Youth? The dreaded male, even? It gets so irritating. The other boy, he's a boy, boys kissing boys, everyone's a boy, we're all boys. Fellas, sometimes we are grownass men and that's okay.

Wait, I just realized Oliver's kinda screwed as a future gentleman at the end, because he has none of the formal schooling boys were supposed to get, and his dad obviously has no money saved up to send him to a good university out of nowhere. Why weren't Darcy and Bingley at university in the book? This is where all that widdle baby shit gets you. Oliver Bennet: Child Left Behind.

I did laff at the author trying to write a straight man in Mr Collins though. Okay diva... We'll go queen out at Rosings...

[cloud-ya]

why do you hate elysia so much

oooohh I love when people ask me about that, and it's been a while without such question

*clears throat and unrolls a comically long scroll*

First thing is the way she treats other people's personal space or rather the way she invades it, especially Mei's. My own trauma regarding touching without consent/warning or mocking if I express my displeasure during such is the main factor why I want to throw this pink thing across the room. Yes, this is mainly about that godawful horn touching scene, which I luckily skipped on accident, but wasn't able to skip the dialogue after that with Raven mocking the whole situation. Describe the groans Mei was making during it however you want, but everyone told me Mei was clearly not pleased about having her horns touched. To me it was just her taking any means to get to the Deep End, and since she had only two people to choose from and she mentioned before that scene that there's no way she'd get Kalpas to help her, she had to ask Elysia for help and she happened to be really fucking obsessed about touching her damn horns, so she had to let her do so as a price for getting to the Deep End and Aponia. I consider it learned helplessness, if it can be considered so at all - Mei learnt that there's nothing she can do to be in any control of the situation she's in, so she just waits through shit helplessly in hope that it'll just happen and go away on its own. What got me pissed off even more is Elysia announcing through a fucking megaphone that she finally touched Mei's horns. It felt so humiliating. Imagine you're forced to use means which would not be pleasant for you and maybe even putting you in great discomfort and the person you did it with just publicly announces it happened as if it was something brief and both sides were fully comfortable.

Second, her idealisation. It's rather ironic that she's so perfect and flawless and whatnot while being labeled a herrscher of human:ego - human, that flaws are literally a part of nature of. She talks all the time how beautiful and great she is, and if she's to complain someone else they'll just get told that they're "almost as pretty as her". Nobody will ever convince me that she's not a Mary Sue, because she's clearly written like one and while yes Durandal was accused of being Mary Sue too "but people later just forgot about her" - people are not bothered by her ridiculous powers anymore because they were executed in a rather decent way which saved her character, unlike for Elysia who kept turning out worse and worse and more shallow with each line of text.

Third, her ridiculous large influence on the entire story and plot. She popped up out of fucking nowhere and suddenly changed the whole history of Honkai and retconned anything that could be retconned in plot. Herrschers used to be untamed representatives of Honkai and its destructive nature, Elysia shows up and suddenly it's actually that she gave them a chance to be human via her sacrifice and all herrschers from the very beginning of the current era just, idk, weren't evil and if they were it's because they just chose to and it wasn't actually that it was Honkai controlling them. Ever since Elysian Realm and Elysium Everlasting a bunch of people dead for ~50000 years aka Flamechasers are having a bit too damn much influence on whole main story, with Elysia in the lead. They ruined Mei's character with the whole ER bullshit and I don't even feel like she got any major development while being stuck there. Let alone that absolute butchery which is Herrscher of Origin, Mihoyo clearly have no idea for a show-not-tell way to express that she carries all that knowledge and memory of Flamechasers, so they just make her obsessed about them (like constantly talking about them during the so awaited reunion with Kiana and Bronya after what? few months? if not more). Mei was boiled down to Elysia stan, if not Elysia 2.0. And with the discomfort she experienced back in Elysian Realm, even if it didn't get her any major trauma... it just doesn't make sense.

TL;DR: I hate Elysia because she often invades other characters' personal space which I'm very sensitive to, she's a shallowly written Mary Sue who also has ridiculously large influence on the main story for a side character.

[delilahsbabyaccount]

~May The Struggle Solve Itself~

"My father resents my mother.

My mother resents my father.

My father started seeing me as a second version of my mother.

My mother started seeing me as a second version of herself.

Somehow all of my behaviours are my responsibility and my fault.

I was only fifteen.

How much of my flaws don't belong me?

How much of my anxiety is hers? How much of my critical nature was not inherited but instead gifted by assumption that I would be the exact same?

How do I will myself to stay grateful when I can't heal in the same environment I got sick in?

I know this is all required but I'm cracking my whole existence into tiny pieces to somehow figure out how I'm supposed to authentically experience my emotional encounter or "the upset"???????????

I have no one to tell me it is going to be okay. I no longer have any friends. My behaviour isn't excused by my goofy family situation.

My father and my mother don't love each other anymore.

My mother talks to me about everything - we're each other's best friends.

My father is depressed but he'll never admit it to himself.

I am so fucking grateful for them both because we're still okay.

They're both alive and as healthy as they can be. They don't fight. They don't hurt us. They provide everything we need. They're good parents. They're just still figuring themselves out so they don't really have the capacity to...well....parent.

I am grateful because people have lost their parents. I am grateful because other people's parents are so much worse.

But still, I am so unhappy. I am so lonely. I am so tired. I am impatient to get to know myself. I want to separate from everything I truly am not and yet, I still sit here knowing there is nowhere for me to go.

I am not the legal age to accomplish anything. I am completely dependent on the people I want to leave even though I know I love them and will miss them and that I've never learnt to be without them.

But they trap me and expect things from me and judge me and love me and sometimes try to comfort and support me but here we are.

What is there to do? I can only heal through experience but I have no clue how to heal when it comes to my parents. I've tried doing everything I know. Talking to them is mindless - they're too preoccupied with themselves.

I know I cannot solve the problem physically or mentally and I must let it die within me.

I must literally die in the experience but how???

And when I miss my chance? Am I behind? Am I a failure in my own path for healing?`

Is it my fault? Is it????

Is it my fault I resist everything my mother wants from me?

It it my fault I am repulsed by touch when I'm emotional?

Is it my fault I have no idea how to resolve the triggers and charges within me?

Is it my fault I can't do readings for myself? Or that I can't take my own advice?

Or that I am so insanely, crazily obsessed with looking like my sister?

That I am unenvious of the billion-dollar models but would kill to be a resemblance of my sister?

Am I secretly dark and twisted and a horrid person based off of literally nothing in particular but my own paranoia of being a bad person?

Am I pretty? Am I beautiful? Do I have a purpose if I'm not useful?

How many things do I do to please my parents? How many things do I actually, truly do for myself?

Who am I outside of my wish to please the people who gave me life?"

-Pieces of Sandra's anxiety (1980-2020)

a/n: I could not find where I had originally seen a post addressing similar themes but it was written really well so props and credit to whoever did this first! <3

*Credit to the owners of the pictures used.

[thefairyhills]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ* A COLLECTION OF QUOTES THAT LIVE IN MY HEAD RENT-FREE.

as the title says, this is a list of quotes from books, movies, song lyrics, videogames, pinterest posts and anything else that has been stuck in my brain forever, for one reason or another. a part 2 may or may not follow. adapt any gendered terms as needed!

❝ to love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed. ❞

❝ there are no men like me. only me. ❞

❝ the heart is an arrow. it demands aim to land true. ❞

❝ give me back my girlhood, it was mine first. ❞

❝ stories connect us to our past. they shape a people in profound ways. without them, we are lost. ❞

❝ everyone loves strength, but do you love me for my weakness? ❞

❝ i wish that i could say i am a light that never goes out, but i flicker from time to time. ❞

❝ just between us, did the love affair maim you too? ❞

❝ when the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway. ❞

❝ death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. ❞

❝ when they shattered our spirit, we became sharpest at the break. ❞

❝ she didn't want to be loved for her petals, she wanted to be loved for her thorns. she knew if someone loved her flaws, they would love her whole. ❞

❝ to love someone is firstly to confess: i'm prepared to be devastated by you. ❞

❝ love speaks in flowers. truth requires thorns. ❞

❝ because saving the people you love isn't stupid. it isn't even a choice. ❞

❝ don't go where i can't follow. ❞

❝ whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. ❞

❝ it takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations. ❞

❝ there's some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for. ❞

❝ the water hears and understands. the ice does not forgive. ❞

❝ i am my scars. ❞

❝ that's the thing about pain. it demands to be felt. ❞

❝

it's not your fault i ruin everything. and it's not your fault i can't be what you need. ❞

❝ i'm not interested in being polite or heterosexual. ❞

❝ the flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all. ❞

❝ you were the one who wanted to win. and i just wanted a sister. ❞

❝ you know how scared i am of elevators. never trust it if it rises fast, it can't last. ❞

❝ i am not ruined. i am ruination. ❞

❝ all my flowers grew back as thorns. ❞

❝ if i can't have love i want power. ❞

❝ i came out to attack people, and i'm honestly having such a good time right now. ❞

❝ anger was better than tears, better than grief, better than guilt. ❞

❝ i'm meaner than my demons. ❞

❝ i love her, and that's the beginning and end of everything. ❞

❝ you are haunted, like every other holy thing. ❞

❝ my skin has turned to porcelain, to ivory, to steel. ❞

❝ innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know. ❞

❝ what is infinite? the universe and the greed of men. ❞

❝ i could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it. ❞

❝ how could somebody ever love me? ❞

❝ you don't get to destroy someone and decide how ruined they're allowed to feel. ❞

❝ i am afraid of you. in loving me, you hold a knife at my throat. in loving you, i tell you exactly where to cut. ❞

❝ because i take things away from stupid, evil old men. it's what i do. ❞

❝ they deserve to lose everything. and i deserve to have all their stuff. ❞

❝ tell me, if he handed you a bloodied hand, would you take it, just because it was his? ❞

❝ hell is empty and all the devils are here. ❞

❝ i desire the things that will destroy me in the end. ❞

❝ i have tried loving less but that hurts just the same. ❞

❝ wanting was enough. for me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all. ❞

❝ the only heaven i'll be sent to is when i'm alone with you. ❞

❝ i could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; i would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. i would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❞

❝ these violent delights have violent ends. ❞

❝ we love with claws and teeth and the blood is just proof of how much. it's feral. and it's relentless. ❞

❝ feelings that come back are feelings that never left. ❞

❝ good for you, you're doing great out there without me. god, i wish that I could do that. ❞

❝ if i could hold you for a minute, darling, i'd go through it again. ❞

❝ i don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch. ❞

❝ i don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush. ❞

❝ and logically, you're the last thing i should have on my mind, but i want you there sometimes. ❞

[loadednachosao3]

(Hiii @eros-thanatos89 here!)

You've been on such a roll lately and just dazzling Lacho nation with an absolute embarrassment of riches of fic, and I've just been gobbling it up like the thirsty little gremlin I am! So thank you!!

Since I love your writing so much, I'm curious: who are some of your favorite writers/what're some of your favorite novels or short stories??

hmmm... GOOD question! I used to work for the library, so I read a LOT (more than just fanfic!), which makes this a hard question as well, lol. especially since I read more nonfiction than fiction!

but let's see...

my favorite classic/taught in schools novel would have to be 1984 by George Orwell. (hilariously/depressingly, right after trump got elected, my department had to buy hundreds more copies because they got requested so much). Orwell's writing is much more accessible to me than many older writers are, save for that whole proletariat essay thing in the middle that made me wanna cut my eyes out. the book is a very relevant and scathing hate letter to fascism, and the right co-opting it when they're the ones it's written about will never fail to piss me off. THEY HAVEN'T EVEN READ IT I KNOW IT I KNOW THEY HAVEN'T

Suzanne Collins may get a lot of billing as a YA love triangle author, but she's absolutely nothing of the sort. The Hunger Games may be a YA series WITH a love triangle, but they're ABOUT so much more. the way she so perfectly captures the flaws of our society in a way that we then completely validate when we make the movies? beautiful. poignant. 10/10.

Bones and All by Camille DeAngelis is one I admittedly never finished, but loved what I read of it. there's a movie that... ok I also didn't finish that one I HAVE ADHD OKAY but the very concept of a girl who, when she experiences feelings of deep love, gets the irresistible compulsion (and the ability) to eat them then and there is just a wonderful concept!

one of my childhood favorites is this book called Molly Moon's Incredible Book of Hypnotism by Georgia Byng. I picked it up thinking it was a manual, lol, but it's actually this cool little story about an ugly orphan girl who gets the power to hypnotize people, and uses it to become rich and famous. they made a movie out of that too, I think, but I never watched it.

the Unwind series by Neal Shusterman is about a dystopian future where the "compromise" to stop abortions is that parents are, up til their child turns 18, legally allowed to give their children up to be "unwound," a process that involves cutting them up and donating their body parts to donors... while they're still alive, so they're not "technically" killing anyone. chilling, particularly the sequence in the first book where we get to see from the perspective of a teen being unwound.

I will never forgive Hollywood for what they did to the Chaos Walking series by Patrick Ness. it's an AMAZING trilogy about a village that contains only men, who are all forced to broadcast/hear each other's every thought (the first few pages capture the chaos of this situation by using varying fonts and font sizes placed haphazardly around the page in a chaotic mess). the reason for the lack of women is a spoiler, so I shan't say more, but lemme just say, Mads Mikkelsen, baby, you were so good as the villain, but the movie version that smashed 3 books into 1 was so trash. talents WASTED.

Ness also wrote A Monster Calls for a younger audience, a haunting but comforting book about grief. I'd recommend it to anyone whose loved ones might be going through a long bout of illness or something of the sort, if you need to feel less alone.

so those are my top fiction picks! nonfiction is a whole other story, haha (no pun intended). I might remember some more later, but I hope this has given you a bit of insight into why I am the person that I am, and where I get some of my writing inspo! thanks for the great question!

[burningvelvet]

finished charlotte brontë's villette today. some more thoughts to add to the collection... (SPOILERS AHEAD!)

- literally WHAT???

- two whole chapters dedicated to a bad drug trip. i wasn't joking in my last villette post when i said it had to take the trophy for weirdest brontë novel ever (starting shirley after this, but just based on the plot synopsis alone i already know it doesn't come close)

- there are SO many parallels between this novel and jane eyre it's truly insane - to the point where it truly feels like a retelling of the jane eyre - with all the fairy tale themes (quite literally acknowledged in the book) but without jane eyre's fairy tale ending

- the main character's love interest, paul emmanuel, is literally charlotte saying: "what if i took mr. rochester, erased all of his sex appeal, and made him way worse in general? okay, that backfired, shit, shit... wait, but then what if i try to make him better later on? okay, this is going well, this is going w— ah, shit, lucy doesn't need him anyway, let's just have him disappear and people can think whatever the fuck they want. i don't really care what they think."

- and apparently charlotte tried to kill him off in the end but her dad made her leave it up to interpretation thinking it wouldn't sell as well if not... so anyway what i'm saying is that this book is for the mr. rochester haters

- i don't even really hate paul but i didn't really feel for his loss either, even though i did learn to tolerate him and like him maybe a little toward the end... but in the main, his character flaws were so striking, and his lack of chemistry with lucy compared to jane/rochester for example, is really to blame for that

- i feel like lucy may be incapable of lasting love and/or she is truly suffering from comphet or gender troubles

- i feel like she had way more chemistry with john whether platonically or romantically. honestly he was one of the most entertaining characters because he felt very real.

- i wonder if villette (based on their frienemy situation) had repressed feelings for ginevra or vice versa because 1) the theatre performance where lucy had to act as ginevra's male lover and fell really really into the role, 2) the fact that they keep up a correspondence, 3) when lucy said ginevra would lean on her like she was her male suitor & it made her uncomfortable, 4) complimenting her beauty & defending her to john despite her dislike of her (this could just be lucy's goodness) 5) lucy's comment to polly where she said she could never love a man OR a woman "in that way you're referring to" (tightly paraphrasing here), 6) lucy analyzing the artwork of naked women & then defending herself to paul, 7) lucy admiring/idolizing madame beck who is described as being masculine, 8) probably many other things i've forgotten

- after reading theories about charlotte and ellen nussy i'm feeling vindicated in my discovery of the queer themes - the novel can be read as being very comphetish (comphet = compulsive heterosexuality; for those of you who may not know, this term was coined by writer/theorist adrienne rich to describe the ways in which lgbt people [she focuses on women] are brainwashed to think they're straight, & the weird symptoms this can cause!)

- i read a spoiler about characters being not who you think they are initially, and so i knew john was dr. bretton, BUT I MISTAKENLY THOUGHT POLLY WAS GINEVRA! and in my last post i made a reference about seeing a lot of adèle varens in "the french girl of the story" but really i see a little bit of adèle in both ginevra and polly - to clarify this point. but i also see how the fairy references re: polly parallel jane - that's about where their comparison ends though.

- anyway the nun plot was interesting but kind of underwhelming. also which we got more time with ginevra's rakish beau.

- might make a whole post just on the comparisons between paul/rochester & paul/lucy & rochester/jane... so many... damn...

[noriaki-kak]

Ahhh ok I’m excited. Can I ask what your inspirations for Penelope and Leo were?

Ooh! They're some of my older ocs so this might get a little long but lemme see what I can put together.

Leo was one of the first characters I came up with in this whole extended world thing I've got going on. Funny enough this entire thing started as non-serious kinda jokey "I should come up with a dating sim concept and create all the different characters you could date." Leo predates my other characters even further by being a character in one of my earlier concept groups before I scrapped that, took him, and decided on a whole dating sim around the concept of dating demons in hell lol.

It's funny to think back on bc it rlly all did start as something not that serious. I was thinking about different dating sim archetypal character traits with the five characters I was creating, and when I got to Leo I pulled from various tropes.

He was the goofy jokey himbo type, kinda stupid but also more down to earth. But then it’d be a twist where, despite seeming straight forward, you'd get into his tragic sad backstory and a deeper side of his character would be revealed.

To be completely honest, while not the only inspiration or example, at the time mystic messenger was still mildly relevant in the dating sim world. So, while they couldn't be MORE different, 707 kind of was what made me want to go for creating a "Funny silly guy who's actually got some sad stuff going on." character sdfghj.

He was made to be a foppish Prince Charming that was cursed to become a demon. His backstory was supposed to be storybook fairytale stuff, resulting in a beauty and the beast sort of situation. It was tragic but not as fleshed out.

It stayed that way for a while but eventually when I started getting more serious and sharing this stuff with Thea, I began to go through and develop a lot of my different characters backstories. Lightly moving away from the dating sim elements to expand the broader world.

This is where Penelope would come in (and not long after Giselle and Caspian would follow hehe @dapper-comedy) I ended up really ironing out his story. I wanted to make Leo more sympathetic while still being at fault. Straying from prince charming to a more general, almost arthurian, hero prince type. Less arrogant, more well meaning, but still ultimately flawed in his desire to be an "ideal" prince.

Penelope on the other hand used to play a much smaller role in the story! Initially the story simply went that Leo was cursed by a witch as retribution for a wrong he committed, the curse stipulated that if his loved ones shunned his demonic form, then he’d stay a demon. And when he showed up as a demon, his fiancé rejected him.

But as I started going back, I thought it was a bit unfair to his fiancé that she existed more as a plot device for his initial story. So I went about giving her more complex motivations/wants and fears/etc and Penelope was born! She’s inspired by my wholly self indulgent desire to make female characters who are allowed to be awful and make horrible mistakes, while also being not entirely unjustified. (Penelope takes up so much brain real estate nowadays, it's almost surprising that I came up with Leo first sdfghj)

It feels pretentious to say but the groundwork being inspired by storybook fairy tales led the overall feeling to be inspired by classic tragedies. It all really came together when Caspian and Giselle came into the picture, leading to an overarching story of these four young friends not realizing the joy of their youth together until they slowly lose not just that youth, but each other.