#they're experiencing emotions they never allowed to feel and it breaks them more. either they become 'good' or better:

[scraemoo]

I LOVE writing stories!! You don't understand, I am dependent on creating. Even if it's rotating an idea in your head and it keeps growing like a snowball. I need to create, I need to.....grrRUFFBARKBARKBARK

[raayllum]

so curious about why you think girl kid first in canon and also why you prefer boy pls share

I think one of the main reasons "girl first" is that normally in next gen stories, the oldest kid (or girl, lbr here) is the 'main character' well because fandom tends to be more AFAB / female dominated, and I feel like mother-daughter or father-daughter (or father-son) conflicts are the ones we're used to seeing (mother-father not so much). The fact that Callum has a dead mom who've we've always had a name for (dead papa not so much) I think also contributed to 1) Rayllum's first kid is a girl and 2) she's named some version of Sarai / in honour of Callum's mum.

I could be wrong bc the Rayllum fandom has never been super into fanbabies / next gen as a whole, and I've never spent much time in next gen circles in general (I like OCs when they're there to flesh out the canon characters, not so much with them being given their own full storylines -- though I've definitely experienced exceptions!).

Personally I've always been a fan of Ezran incorporating more of Sarai (wielding a spear, naming his daughter after her) > Callum, just cause Callum does remember his mom. A way for the boys to share, in a way?

That said: Rayllum having a girl first in canon (if we see an epilogue briefly featuring fanbabies at all, which we may not; they could also just not have kids) just feels... like it matches vibe wise? Idk what to say beyond that, it's not that a boy wouldn't fit... like 60/40 if that makes sense?

That said I think I do prefer a boy for them (right now at least, I'm sure I'll love whatever canon goes with) because it allows for more blatant Harrow-Callum father-son parallels and for Rayla to be concentrating on breaking cycles of stoicism/Moonshadow "not showing/sharing emotions" emphasis with a boy when boys already aren't encouraged to be emotionally open IRL. So that's where I think the preference comes from. I like to imagine their firstborn is a boy who's a mage but without either of his parents' fire, and more of a "violence last I don't like fighting" like his Uncle Ezran

[aihoshiino]

what are your predictions for the onk ending?

have a great day!

same to you, anon!!

My predictions for the OnK ending are mostly based on what I think the story's Big Themes (tm) are: everyone has damage and nobody heals alone. Aqua's pursuit of revenge is not an admirable or aspirational thing and the main tension of this last heft of the story should be understood to be not "will Aqua get his revenge?" but "can Aqua be stopped before he gets his revenge?"

With that said, here's my broad strokes guesses:

Filming 15YL will allow Ruby to sort through her Mom Trauma and she will emerge from the other side with a better relationship with herself and Aqua

15YL will draw Kamiki out and he and Aqua will have a confrontation

Aqua will have the opportunity to kill Kamiki but will be yanked back from the point of no return by the people who care about him

The series will end with the new B-Komachi fulfilling Ruby's promise to have them perform at the dome

More specific guesses:

Aqua and Ruby are going to have A Talk where Aqua shatters Ruby's shoujo rose colored glasses about Goro's reincarnation and she'll be forced to have a long dark night of the soul like we briefly were teased with while she was breaking down under the pressure of the 15YL schedule. They will emerge on the other side as family.

Kamiki will specifically target Kana after the release of 15YL and she will be either injured or attacked in such a way that parallels Ai's death but she will be saved.

And these are... I'm still going to call them guesses, but they're so specific that I'm kind of in a gray area of "I think this might happen" and "I am not expecting this to happen" so call them my tinfoil hat theories LMAO

Kana will replace Ruby as the lead actress of 15YL. This means that Kana will be playing the role of Ai and Aqua will be playing Ryosuke, thus paralleling and complimenting their roles in Sweet Today.

Kana will choose to play Ai as "forgiving" her killer. Aqua, who has carried the guilt and self hate of thinking himself complicit in Ai's murder for all these years, will have a moment of incredible catharsis at experiencing that forgiveness and stumble into the realization that his self destruction is not something that would have made Ai happy.

Possibly relatedly but perhaps separately: Aqua will finally get to a point in his feelings about Ai where he will at last call her "Mom". This is the one I'm most confident about because the fact that he's never called her that really feels like it's absolutely primed and waiting for it to be a hugely emotional moment once he finally does.

There will be no more major character deaths (save Kamiki) but I do think it's possible that if anyone DOES die, then it will be Ichigo Saitou. He's just important enough to the story that it would be a big shock but he's not someone close enough to Aqua that it would irrecoverably break him.

Ultimately I think OnK will have a bittersweet ending at most but one that is primarily uplifting and hopeful. I've said before that the entire series is the agonizingly drawn out epilogue to a tragedy that the characters will not allow to end and I think an ending in which the cast is able to close the book on their trauma and start taking steps towards a more hopeful future is the ending that feels the most emotionally 'correct' to me.

[piracytheorist]

Top five deciding factors on who is a blorbo to you?

1. WHUMP. I'd be lying to myself and all of you if I said that isn't the top deciding factor. Just yesterday I rewatched the first few episodes of Naruto that I'd watched eons ago, and as we were introduced to Kakashi I started thinking "Why was that one the favourite?"... then there came the episode that he used his sharingan for the first time and at the end of it he collapsed from exhaustion... and that was it. That's what I had watched as a 13-year-old or so and said "This one. This is the favourite."

But seriously, most if not all of my blorbos have had canon moments where they get whumped in one way or another and that's what clicks it for me. I don't think I've had a blorbo that I didn't make up whumpy fanfic scenarios for. They're like geodes - they have to be beaten up to show their true beauty :D

2. Some kind of empathy. Look, call me boring, but while I can appreciate a well-rounded villain that gives no shit about how much pain they cause... if I'm to emotionally connect to a character, I need them to portray that same kind of emotional connection to someone else. They don't even have to be perfect heroes with clean records either - Killian Jones from Once Upon a Time and Twilight from Spy x Family are examples of the exact opposite of that - but I want them to be able to understand what it's like for someone else to hurt, and to want to comfort them in some form. It's not a coincidence that it was during season 3 of OUAT that I started loving Killian - when he started breaking through his bravado and showing how much he understood others' pain.

3. Characters who feel a lot in general. I want my blorbos to feel things, even if (in Twilight's case) they try to push them away. It's one of the things I realized while re-discovering my love for Yamato from Digimon. He's a character who felt a lot, tried to repress it, and it came bursting out of him until he accepted that it was okay to feel things a lot. He was also my only blorbo who hid his feelings out of a misplaced pride - and in his case it's understandable because he was a kid; other blorbos who hide their feelings mostly do it for self-preservation after having experienced a lot of hurt, with the narrative implying that they need to grow out of it eventually if they want to be happy. On the other hand, I had blorbos like Douxie, who were unabashedly themselves and never bothered to hide their feelings out of any kind of shame. And I really enjoy my blorbos being so expressive - it allows me some relatable moments so that I can explore my own feelings that way. (Also why whump helps. It forces out a lot of emotions)

4. SAD. I want to look at my blorbo and be like "Aw, poor guy. Now make it worse >:)". Like, I wish they can have a happy ending (Ethan ;_;) but I want them to suffer until that happens. Look, I ain't babysitting them! I'm consuming their content to escape reality, and watching characters go through shit is my way of expressing my own angst, because the world we live in forces us to undermine our own issues all the time and think "It could be worse!" so I've learned to find escapes through fiction. So make them SAD.

5. That said, Angst with a bit of humor. YMMV but I cannot handle a character who is all depression and is never ever used in a humorous way or form. From Killian "I'll flirt with anything that moves, to my own detriment" Jones, to Douxie "can't sing one note worth his damn" Casperan, to Manny "Grim Reaper on stilts" Calavera, to Ethan "Horrible One-Liners" Winters, to Loid "I have a totally normal wife and daughter :)" Forger, while I adore the angst they go through, they're still fictional characters and a tool for our recreation and expression, so they need to have a break where either the characters themselves or the narrative present a more humorous side to them.

Ask me my Top 5/Top 10 anything!

[aphrostarot]

The Chariot Pick a Pile

How can you know if this pick a pile is for you?

If you know what your goals are but don't understand how to reach them.

If you need help creating a path from where you are to where you want to be.

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me if you are interested!

Pile One (Amethyst):

Charioteer:

What is the current state of your journey?

The Wheel of Fortune:

In your journey so far, you have experienced many ups and downs. Currently, it appears you are at a low point. You have been struggling lately, and you feel like you will never reach the end of the road.

Two of Swords:

The Two of Swords confirms to me that you have been struggling lately. Nothing seems to be coming your way anymore. As of recently, you are at a standstill on this journey, after previously moving extremely fast. Nothing is coming and nothing is going, making you feel as though you will never reach your destination.

Dark Horse:

What is distracting you?

The Chariot:

The idea that you need to constantly be moving forward without any breaks on this journey is distracting you, according to your guides. As your guides tell you, this mindset is keeping you in the stalemate you are currently experiencing. Breaks are necessary from time to time, and after the run you have been on, it is a good idea to take a break.

Ten of Cups:

There is a part of you that thinks this journey will lead to your fairytale ending, but your guides are telling you here that the destination may not be everything you expected. Whether it's a different person or a different job, your guides are telling you with this card what they have in store for you is in your best interest, so you need to release your control issues and trust them.

Light Horse:

What leads you to your desired goal?

The Tower:

Your guides will help you reach your desired goal if you lose your mindset from above. You must let go of the idea that you know exactly where things are going, since not everything you are desiring is in your best interest according to your guides. Additionally, you need to let go of your impatience and the notion that you must not take breaks, that this destination must be reached as quickly as possible.

Page of Swords:

You have been led towards your destination by your cleverness and intelligence, according to your guides. They are saying that you can remain sharp no matter what the Universe throws at you. They want you to use this part of you to further yourself on this journey from now on.

Channeled compliments from your guides on what is helping you in this journey:

“You are so trustworthy! Anyone knows they can count on you.”

“You are so smart and witty, always knowing what to say.”

Next Step:

What is the next thing you should work on?

Knight of Pentacles:

The next step on your journey is to develop patience, according to your guides. Since you have started your journey, you have been fairly impatient and anxious for things to come your way as soon as possible. This mindset only hinders your progress, as it was mentioned above. The key to escaping your current impasse is patience.

Obstacle:

What challenges will you face on this journey?

Three of Cups:

Your inability to slow down has prevented you from celebrating how far you have come on your journey. As your guides point out, if you don't celebrate yourself, you are not truly experiencing this journey.

Destination:

What will your destination look like?

Three of Wands:

At the end of this journey, you will have a large community around you. You may soon take up a hobby that allows you to work in a team. You will be very successful in this hobby and feel very happy with the people in your life. In this group, you'll be very social. You'll constantly go out and do things with them.

Page of Cups:

The end of this journey will bring you a highly sensitive person. They might be younger than you or just a young soul. This person will become an extremely important part of your life, allowing you to express yourself more sensitively without fear of judgment.

Channeled Messages:

“Move beyond ancestral patterns”

“Magic exists in the form of energy. What is your energy creating today? How does it make you feel?”

Pile Two (Amazonite):

Charioteer:

What is the current state of your journey?

The Fool:

You may be in the beginning stages of your journey. You have just found something that you are willing to put a lot of effort into. Having a strong passion for this journey, you are eager to dive in headfirst, without looking back.

Ace of Pentacles:

By embarking on this journey, you are laying the foundation in your life. As a result, you will start to feel comfortable in every aspect of your life. I feel that you are embarking on a new hobby or career, something that will earn you money. The income has not started to flow yet, but you're just beginning your journey. You hope that more money will be forthcoming soon.

Dark Horse:

What is distracting you?

Eight of Pentacles:

You are very sure of where you want to go in life and how you want this journey to play out. Making you unwilling to accept anything that is even remotely different from what you desire. This mindset is preventing you from making progress on your journey, according to your guides. In order to make progress, you must recognize that not everything you desire is good for you.

Six of Wands:

When it comes to your career or hobbies, you may think you're more talented than others. Your guides are warning you that your arrogance is only hindering your progress on this journey.

Light Horse:

What leads you to your desired goal?

Knight of Wands:

You have great enthusiasm when it comes to things that you are passionate about, and you are very passionate about this journey. Your guides are saying that your ability to move quickly and successfully through all that life offers you is what will bring this outcome to you much quicker.

Page of Wands:

Your guides say you are very friendly and full of amazing ideas, both of which are helping you on this journey. They encourage you to keep your friendly side because it will benefit you in the long run.

Channeled compliments from your guides on what is helping you in this journey:

“You are so magnetic and attractive! Everyone is turning heads after you!

“You are fierce like a lion! Everybody knows not to mess with you!”

“You have such great intuition, detecting the unseen truths.”

“You are so cute and bubbly, you make others feel like home.”

Next Step:

What is the next thing you should work on?

Seven of Pentacles:

When it comes to this journey, you have been pushing forward, channeling fool's energy for some time now and that has served you well for the time being. However, your guides are telling you that the next steps are for you to begin to plan how you want to execute this journey instead of leaping headfirst into everything.

Obstacle:

What challenges will you face on this journey?

Eight of Cups:

In most of your life, you have been too quick to give up at the first sign of difficulty. Throughout this journey, you will struggle with this. The world doesn't always work out how we planned, and that's a bummer, but we are meant to get back up and keep going, utilizing what we learned from the past. It is their desire that you do this instead of giving up when things get tough.

Destination:

What will your destination look like?

The Artist:

You may be an extremely creative person and this journey's outcome will allow you to use your creativity almost continuously. You are working towards a career and/or hobby that is highly creative and your guides are saying that once you get there it will allow you to utilize all of your creativity.

The Hierophant:

This is oddly specific but for some, I feel like you are working towards becoming a party planner of some sort, particularly at weddings. This is a sign that you will get there and be excellent at using your creativity when it comes to weddings.

For others, this may be a sign that the outcome of this journey may result in you getting married to either your current partner or someone else.

Channeled Messages:

“Unlock the magick within”

“You are our answered prayer.”

Pile Three (Sodalite):

Charioteer:

What is the current state of your journey?

Four of Pentacles:

Currently, you are feeling very possessive over certain things in your life. It feels to me like you think people in your life constantly take from you without giving any thought to the pain it causes you. You have a history of being very generous, but you are now becoming tired of making others happy all the time.

King of Cups:

Your emotions are what you are feeling pretty possessive about. You have been a doormat in the past, allowing others to walk all over you and take from you. Especially when it comes to your emotions and energy. But now you've realized it and you are no longer allowing others to take from you.

Dark Horse:

What is distracting you?

Eight of Pentacles:

You are pretty set in stone about how you want to embark on this journey. You believe your way is the only way, and you do not take advice from anyone, including your guides. It seems to me that you hear what your guides say, but if it interferes with your plans you ignore the message saying to yourself, "That wasn't meant for me." or, "they're wrong.". According to your guides, the way you think is holding you back from moving forward.

Seven of Wands:

With the people in your life, you have reached a boiling point. You've allowed them to walk all over you for too long and now you're fighting back. Your guides are telling you that being extremely negative to your family and friends will not help you on this journey. Yes, you should set boundaries, but you do not have to continue to punish them for what you have allowed in the past. The treatment you received in the past is partly your fault, and you need to take responsibility for it. Give the people in your life a chance to follow your boundaries. Stop punishing them.

Light Horse:

What leads you to your desired goal?

Queen of Cups:

Despite the negative points listed above, you are still a very loyal person. You do not give up on the people in your life, continuing to stick by them even though they have hurt you in the past. This is an aspect that has been helpful to you and will continue to be helpful to you on this journey.

Channeled compliments from your guides on what is helping you in this journey:

“Yes, you are different. But that’s what makes you special!”

“Your eyes are beautiful. You can see the universe in them.”

Next Step:

What is the next thing you should work on?

Five of Swords:

Perhaps you recently lost out to one of your competitors. If that's the case, then your guides are telling you that your next step is to get back on your feet and start fresh. Taking the loss in stride. If that has not yet happened to you, this card indicates that it will soon. The next step for you is to prepare for the loss you will soon be suffering and not let it completely defeat you.

Obstacle:

What challenges will you face on this journey?

Two of Cups:

An obstacle you have been facing on this journey is your willingness to stay in toxic relationships. In the past, people have not treated you right and stayed in those relationships because you feared making the other person upset. This has recently been changing for you, however.

Destination:

What will your destination look like?

The Hierophant:

With this journey, you will learn from your past mistakes and grow from the pain that you have endured, resulting in a better understanding of what a good relationship is. This will result in you marrying someone good for you and to you.

Ten of Cups:

A fairytale ending awaits you at the end of this journey. At the end of this journey, all the things you wanted as a child but as you grew thought were unreasonable will be available to you.

Channeled Messages:

“Meditate more, ground yourself.”

“Times of heightened emotions and sensitivity call for extra self-care and gentleness.”

Pile Four (Rose Quartz):

Charioteer:

What is the current state of your journey?

Page of Pentacles:

Lately, you have been pretty sensitive. Feeling more in touch with your emotions, which may have been neglected for some time now. You have been getting more comfortable showing and expressing your emotions with the people around you.

The Hierophant:

Additionally, you have been more traditional in your life, adhering to the expectations of society rather than going against them. While you may have spent most of your life rebelling against what others want from you, you have recently begun to accept what others want from you.

Dark Horse:

What is distracting you?

Eight of Cups:

Your recent behavior of adhering to the expectations of others has made you feel guilty. You feel as if you are leaving the people you met on the way behind, and you feel as if they are disappointed in you. Your guides are telling you that this guilt is preventing you from excelling on your journey. There are times when you have to leave people and things behind in order to excel yourself, and feeling guilty won't help you do so.

Nine of Wands:

You feel as if this journey has been going on forever, with no stop in sight. You feel as if you are being faced with obstacle after obstacle, and things are never going your way. This mindset is hindering you, your guides are saying. You must remember that not every journey is linear. There will be bumps in the road, but that doesn't mean that you will never reach your goal.

Light Horse:

What leads you to your desired goal?

The Fool:

In a way, you embody the Fool's passion, which is to dive headfirst into their passions and not think twice before jumping. You're always starting new projects and have a never-ending passion for new beginnings. This is what has been leading you towards your desired goal.

Ace of Swords:

You have very strong emotions especially when it comes to love and hate. When you love something or hate something, it encompasses your whole being. It is the love you have for your passions that helps you along this journey.

Channeled compliments from your guides on what is helping you in this journey:

“You are hilarious and have an amazing sense of humor!”

“You are such an inspiration! Everything you do is magical.”

“You are so trustworthy! Anyone knows they can count on you.”

Next Step:

What is the next thing you should work on?

Queen of Cups:

The next step in your journey is to strengthen your loyalty. As you go through life, you constantly change your mind about things and move on to new adventures. You get bored very easily. This pile is giving me strong Gemini energy. Because of your constant boredom, you struggle in the loyalty department, and your guides recommend you tackle this next. Whenever you become bored with one of your passions, try finding new things in that passion to keep yourself engaged.

Obstacle:

What challenges will you face on this journey?

Three of Cups:

In your journey, you tend to ignore red flags, thinking that they are only there to add flavor. You may also be afraid to rock the boat, which leads you to ignore warning signs. According to your guides, this mindset has hindered your progress.

Six of Cups:

It's not uncommon for toxic people from your past to try and get back in touch with you. When these people come back into your life, your guides are telling you not to accept them. They are not meant to be in your life. I am also getting strong Pisces and Cancer energy.

Destination:

What will your destination look like?

Ace of Cups:

If you are currently single, your guides are telling you that you will find new love at the end of this journey. If you are not single, this may be a sign that in the future you will be pregnant. In the event that this is not possible, then this new baby could be from a friend or family member. It is likely you will be extremely close to this baby, thinking of them as your own.

Four of Wands:

You will end up purchasing a new home with this person. Your new home will allow the two of you to live happily and healthily together. Your dream of a happy family life awaits you when you reach the end of this journey.

Channeled Messages:

“Get out of your own way! It’s upsetting me and your ancestors.”

“Follow the voice of your soul.”

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[wanderlustphatty]

You deserve to be loved:: DMxFem!Reader

Summary: Draco unlocks a little more of her tragic backstory than he planned and it breaks his heart. He makes it his goal to reverse all the trauma she's endured.

Warnings: 18+! Angst, fluff, oral (female receiver), finger action, cynicism, adult topics, mentions of seggs (no actual seggs), allusions to abusive relationships, squirting, kisses, cussing, alcohol

Word Count: 2322

Notes: I really hope you all enjoy this. It offers up a softer side of Draco and allows him to kind of be the knight in shining armor he's been told he isn't.

Masterlist

Moonlight cast a halo around the top of her head, but their discussion was far from innocent. He had tried to make her blush, spoil her cool composure. The question was embarrassing, but she handled it with ease. "How many people have you been with?" Her top lip curled for a moment as she genuinely gave it some thought, then she replied "Enough to be experienced and teach some things, but not enough to know it all. Makes me sound like a whore." A soft chuckle escaped her and she shrugged.

"First of all, you could never convince me you're a whore. Secondly, I support promiscuity just as much as I support abstinence. Finally, you were really casual about that." She didn't even look up. Instead she took a pebble that was close to her and started scratching at the concrete beneath her. "Sex always comes up eventually." Although her tone was rather matter-of-fact, the lack of emotion led him to believe there was an intricate web of hurt and lies supporting that statement. 

"I can talk about sex like I'm talking about something mundane; like the weather. It's lost its wow factor, and I've given up on finding that exciting, toe curling, two souls become one type. Nobody wants that anymore, I guess. Now I show up and it's business as usual. Maybe that's why my relationships never work out. There's only business and no passion." There's a slight pause as she seems to almost disassociate for a moment, but then she continues with a new underwhelming observation. "Probably why I don't go on dates anymore either. I'd rather get to know someone in their entirety, and not just what's in their pants. Everyone else wants to know everything in someone's pants - soul be damned." 

With a quick flick, the pebble is launched from her fingertips and she leans against the wall. Wordlessly her pain radiates to where even he could feel it. "Sex isn't that, though," he says, making her scoff. "It's not supposed to be business as usual. Those people were assholes."

"Hedonists," she chimes in. "They're only out for themselves. The world's full of them nowadays." A heavy sigh heaves past her chest and she finally looks toward the platinum blonde sitting a little way away from her. "Listen, I'm not looking for sympathy or for someone to change my mind. I've just...I've been through some shit. I'd rather be touch starved than to be used again."

"Used?"

"Yes, used."

"For…"

"For everything. You name it. That's why I refuse to let others feel down. I've been there. I know what it's like to feel alone at rock bottom. I can't let anyone sit there alone."

With that, she shut down again. For a while they sat in silence. Eventually she stood up and offered him a hand. "Want to go drink my wine stash?" Not wanting to be anywhere else but with her, he took her hand and agreed.

Before he got half way through his bottle, she had locked his keys in her safe box and told him he was staying in the guest room because she didn't want him out alone while intoxicated. A ripple of excitement spread through him, but he merely nodded and held up his bottle in a toast. Unfortunately he found himself up way later than her, her words still echoing inside his head. 

Even inebriated he deduced that she had never been touched lovingly in such an intimate manner. Oh how he yearned to be the one that would. She offered him such peace and he wanted to do the same for her. Like a book, he wanted to run his finger down her spine, take his time appreciating the stories on her pages, memorizing every wonderfully flawed detail. For the past year he had been in love with the woman who became his best friend, but was too afraid to say anything. 

The pair hadn't become friends until after their departure from Hogwarts. She found him at his lowest and refused to give up on him until he realized he was worthy of friendship, love, affection, and anything positive. It took her a lot longer to open up, though. Little by little Draco would learn deeper aspects of the girl, but she would never completely unload. Last night was no different, but it broke his heart.

This led him to where he stood now, an anxious mess, staring at a beautiful disaster of a woman.  Everything in him shook. His heart sent electricity through his veins with every pump, his lungs forbade a decent breath. Could he really be doing this? Would she feel the same? Sweat beads on his forehead as he stands in her bedroom doorway, a terrified expression on his face.

"Are you ok?" It sounds like music when she speaks. Not realizing he had been staring, lost in thought, he clears his throat and blinks a few times. "I didn't really sleep last night," he admits. Brows knit over her soulful eyes, now filled with concern for him. As if reading her mind, he nervously continues. "Um, I was thinking about last night," he begins, his gaze drifting to the floor. "Some of the things you said didn't sit well with me."

Sadness and dejection wash across her face. The relaxed posture she once held became more rigid. Apparently this sounded too familiar to her, but in an instant she had already made up her mind to face the situation with strength and dignity. "Oh," she breathes. There's a slight hesitation before she adds "What did I say wrong?"

"Wrong? You didn't say anything wrong. I was actually referring to your mistreatment." He notes the slight tilt of her head and how she fidgets with her fingers. A muscle tenses within her jaw and her breathing gets just a little faster. "I was up all night thinking about how amazing you are and wondering why so many hands chose to take advantage of the love you tried to give." 

At this point he feels as if it's all or nothing. Lay everything on the line and hope for the best. As he tries to walk forward his knees wobble and he chooses to only allow himself that single step. "I've been so fortunate to be a part of your life for the past year and a half. You terrify me, but make me feel like I can conquer the world. This probably isn't the best time to tell you, but I've loved you for a year now. Last night destroyed me because I could tell no one had loved you like you deserve. If you would let me, I want to be the one that shows you every day just how much you deserve. You deserve to feel worthy of every good thing that happens. Please, let me try and show you that not everyone's the same."

For a moment he thinks he might fall over from how hard he's shaking. A mixture of nerves, fear, and adrenaline rattle his very core. Silvery eyes stare at her, waiting for an answer. Any answer. Finally she looks back at him, her eyes wide with disbelief. At this point her heart's beating so hard, it's visible through her chest.

"Come sit with me," she finally manages to say as she pats the bed next to her. With a good deal of concentration, he does. The two stare at each other wordlessly, the tension between them palpable. Finally he gathers the courage to look between her lips and her eyes, asking silently for permission. Her answer comes in the form of a timid head nod and cautious eyes. 

Slowly and tenderly he brushes his fingertips along her face, allowing his thumb to graze over her lips. He can feel her hot breath against his finger as she sighs at his touch. His eyes drift from her mouth back up to her eyes, this time getting a more solid nod. A warm palm cups her cheek and he leans in to brush his lips against hers. 

They're soft, just like he had always imagined. The kiss is broken only for a split second before another, more firm, one takes its place. Before long he feels her fingers lazily curling in the hair on the back of his head. Licking her lower lip softly, he asks for entry. She smiles at the gesture before allowing him in. Before long their tongues were dancing in a passionate waltz. 

"Let me," she breathes when they pull back for a breath of fresh air, her eyes darting toward his growing arousal. A deep shade of red spreads across his cheeks, ashamed that his body would betray him in such a moment. Of course he found her attractive, but his pleasure was the farthest thing from his mind. 

"That's not what I want. This is about you. You deserve a man that will worship your body, as it should be. May I make you feel good?" Cool grey eyes plead with hers. Long fingers stroke down her neck to her shoulder.

Blood rushes to her face as she considers what she wants for once - a pleasant change considering others would inform her of what they were going to do. Again she nods, but doesn't say a word. Draco shakes his head softly and asks again. "May I? I'm not taking a nod for this one. I don't want to pressure you into anything. We don't have to do this at all if you don't want to. Literally I'm happy just being by your side."

"You can go ahead," she finally replies. "I want to." She hasn't been nervous for anything sexual in so long, but she can hear the truth in his voice and feel the love in his caress. For a few months she had wanted more from their relationship, but was too scared to pursue it. What if he was just like the others? Admittedly, that's why she brought up her views of physical relations. She wanted to see how he reacted. Most people who had heard it found reasons to disappear soon after. When he came to her door, she expected the same, not for him to dive head first into a confession. 

A devastatingly handsome smile parts his lips before he starts to kiss every piece of visible skin. Slowly he traces the hem of her shirt, raising it just below her breast line. Chills scatter her skin as he plants kisses across her stomach, his hot breath tickling her as he moves. Involuntarily she wiggles and he chuckles. "Relax. Enjoy the way it feels." She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, allowing him to make his way farther down.

When he reaches the top of her shorts he scoots off the bed to stoop down next to her legs. Gentle bite kisses are placed on her hips as he carefully pulls her panties and shorts off, discarding them at the corner of the bed. He picks up one leg and rubs down the inside, trailing his lips behind. As soon as he finishes one, he treats the other the same before turning his attention to the beauty before him. 

Moisture accentuates her slit and he bites his lower lip gently. Curious as to what he is about to do, she pulls a pillow down to prop herself up. He flashes her a quick smile before getting on his knees between her legs. Slowly he runs his tongue along her folds, warranting a gentle moan. She tasted exquisite, more intoxicating than the wine they'd had the night before. A few more licks and he starts to explore, making sure to memorize every reaction. In his heart of hearts he wanted to please her in a way no one was able to before. 

Occasionally she would lock eyes with him, then release a guttural moan as she watched him hit every spot that could make her writhe. After a while she found herself begging for more. "Please, I want to feel you in me," she pants before he obeys and plunges his tongue into her entrance. Her head tosses back and she grips the sheets, but her gaze snaps back, pleading. "Not your tongue."

He gives a final lick and chuckles as he drags himself up to lay beside her. A single finger traces from her sternum to her hips. "You can have that another time, if you still want it. Today my goal is to make you cum without my dick getting involved. I've told you, it isn't about me." As he finishes he hooks a finger into her tight pussy and curves it to hit her pleasure spots. 

"Draco!" Her hips buck against his finger, eager. After a few times he adds another finger, making her hiss. His lips find hers again and he pushes his fingers deep within her before steadily increasing the pace. Their lips move wildly against each other's and her whimpers vibrate their kiss.

It doesn't take long before she breaks away to urge him "right there, like that". "Cum for me baby," he says against the skin of her neck before trailing kisses to her collarbone. Like a prayer his name rolls from her tongue until she crescendos. She nearly screams as she squirts, covering everything underneath her. He slows his pace, gradually bringing her down from her high. Her cheeks are dusted pink, chest heaving as she pants, and he kisses up her jaw to her lips.

"How did that feel?" His grey eyes gaze upon her dewy face and he gently brushes a lock of hair away from her forehead. She turns to him and smiles before letting go of a breathy laugh. "Amazing. When can we do that again?" He laughs and licks off his fingers before cocking an eyebrow and replying "Any time you want, my love."

Masterlist

[writer-ish]

φόβος, or the persistence of fear

prompt: to shower with my muse / for sex on a table/counter/desk / for our muses to try a new position + words: “make me” pairing: mason x detective (grace bennett) word count: 5.3k words | rating: super E!!! (minors dni) summary: φόβος (FO-vos) Greek. “fear”. Post-Book 3 Final Demo, Mason and Grace have some trouble overcoming their individual fears.

author note: i know you said “or”, lovely @detective-sweetheart , but to my eyes you were issuing a challenge as to whether or not i could do them ALL. i didn’t quite succeed, but hopefully it doesn’t disappoint. 😘 and, uh… *side-eyes the word count* ...yeah. really should get that ao3 account up and running huh?

warning: this smutty lil fic immediately follows the end of the final demo for book 3 (bobby route) so if you don't want any inkling of what that's all about, stay away.

XX nsfw prompts

X X X X

Saying that it had been “one of those days” would not only be an insult to days but to the concept of singularity itself.

By the time they roll into the warehouse, it's just after nine-thirty in the evening. The sun has already dipped beyond the horizon almost entirely, but there remains an eerie summer glow of light that seems to permeate the atmosphere. Not quite day, not quite night, but instead some liminal moment that feels almost otherworldly. Familiar, yet not.

Grace shivers.

Mason, sitting beside her in the roomy black SUV, turns towards her as the almost-imperceptible tremor runs through her body.

She meets his gaze, taking in his expression – tight and concerned, the grey of his irises stormy and conflicted – before she feels his hand reach across her lap and cup her outer thigh, tugging her closer to him.

They wait in silence as Adam parks and the rest of Unit Bravo gets out, Felix patting her leg reassuringly from beside her before exiting on his side. Mason gets out as well and turns to her, hands now shoved deep in the pockets of his leather jacket.

It's Grace's turn, so she gingerly exits, the weight of the day finally revealing the toll it's taken on her body. The fifteen minutes of inactivity in the car were, apparently, all it had needed as a reminder of what she'd endured in the last sixteen hours or so. All of a sudden she feels exhausted, weighted down, frustrated, and in desperate need of a shower.

"You good?" Mason asks as they walk together towards the entrance of the warehouse, shoulders brushing, a bit behind the others.

"Just tired," she responds, rubbing her eyes wearily. "Can't wait to shower and just lie down."

"Need any help with that?" The drawled reply is rife with a familiar irreverence, but there is something heavier in his tone that makes Grace glance up.

He's looking down at her, telltale smirk on his lips. But his grey eyes are dim and there's a furrow between his brows that isn't normally there.

"Yes."

Her quick response seems to surprise him; he stops walking and turns to look at her with an inscrutable expression. She can understand why—she isn't normally so brazen when it comes to his advances and she knows he revels in her shyness sometimes. Mastering the art of getting a rise out of her, making her flustered, teasing her and watching her blush.

But this time she doesn't care if her response feels bold or unlike her. Since dawn that morning, the litany of things she'd experienced were enough emotional and physical turmoil to last a person a lifetime, never mind a period that's comprised of less than twenty-four hours.

And now she wants Mason and she wants a shower and she wants to sleep. In whatever order she can have them.

Instead of saying anything flirtatious or sarcastic, he lets his eyes roam over her face for a moment and then he just nods and drapes an arm over her shoulders, leading her inside.

Upon entering the Warehouse, they’re greeted by Adam, Nate, and Felix, who appear to have been waiting for them. All three agents turn when they see Mason and Grace walking in, and Grace feels a pang of guilt, knowing that Adam will probably want to coordinate a meeting of some sort to go over the events of the day as well as next steps.

Sure enough, he intercepts them as they attempt to walk by.

“We should be debriefing on everything that just occurred." Adam crosses his arms and peers down at Grace. "And Detective, have you gotten a hold of Agent Bennett? I can’t seem to—“

Grace opens her mouth to reply, and perhaps Mason can feel the way her body leans away from him, already attempting to gear herself up for the meeting Adam has planned for them all, because he tugs her closer and begins dragging her away, speaking over her before she has a chance to respond.

“The Detective,” he announces, forcing her to keep pace with him, “is currently unavailable."

She can feel Adam's disapproval radiating at her back and she looks up at Mason helplessly.

"Stop," he commands her, then says over his shoulder: "She's had a rough day, okay? We'll meet in the morning."

Adam grumbles his reluctant acquiescence and Felix shouts after them: "Don't forget how thin the walls are!"

Nate splutters, as Mason throws back: "They're concrete!"

Nate’s splutters turn into a groan as Felix responds: "With you two it doesn't seem to make a difference."

Grace groans as well, feeling the heat surge up into her cheeks as she buries her face in her hands. Mason just laughs and continues to drag her along.

As soon as she gets to her room, she lets him in and then closes the door firmly behind them, leaning on it heavily with a deep sigh.

Mason is already walking around the small room, inspecting the current aesthetic. When the room had been set up for her, cues had apparently been taken from her own apartment. So there’s a vibe that can definitely be considered “cozy”, like her style – long white curtains, a plethora of pillows, a down comforter – while also being weirdly unfamiliar. It’s like a Sims version of her own place in some Bizarro universe. She isn’t sure if it makes her feel more at home—or less.

“What did you bring from your place?” His voice breaks her out of her reverie and she looks at him in surprise.

“Oh, uh—” Taking a look around, her brow furrows. “Honestly, not much. After what happened this morning, I didn’t have the wherewithal to grab anything that I really needed. Thank god there’s some stuff here. But I’m going to have to go back tomorrow and sift through the damage. See what can be salvaged.” She shrugs, then to her horror, she can feel her eyes inadvertently well with tears.

“Hey, hey—” Mason is in front of her before she can blink, tilting her chin up. “What’s that for?”

“Ugh, just—” She rubs her eyes frustratedly. “What a fucking day.”

“Yeah, you’ve been through it,” he agrees, before roughly pulling her into his arms. “One for the record books.”

His arms around her provide more comfort than he could probably ever understand and she feels her whole body wilt into his strength and his heat and his scent.

“I’m so sick of days ‘for the record books’,” she mumbles into his chest and she can feel his chuckle more than she hears it.

“Why don’t we see if we can make this one a bit better, hmm?” She looks up just in time for him to capture her lips with his.

Letting out a little sigh, she twines her arms around his neck and allows him to kiss her slowly, leisurely, taking little sips from her mouth, stroking her tongue with his own, stoking a slow fire that always seems to be maintaining a low burn in his presence. She presses her body closer, enjoying the feel of her breasts against his torso, his growing hardness pressing into her stomach.

He glides his hands down her back and cups her bottom, squeezing it appreciatively, before pulling her even closer still.

Moving his mouth to her neck, his teeth glide against her pulse point, and her heart skips a little beat when she feels the sharpness of his canines against her sensitive skin.

“Relax,” he whispers, kissing her softly right in the place where his teeth had just scraped. “This isn’t where I want to taste you.”

She lets out a little whimper and brings his mouth back to hers, kissing him fiercely, feeling the points and ridges of his teeth with her tongue crowding his mouth. He pulls her tightly to him, dragging her body up so her feet leave the ground, and then he drops her backwards on the bed, his knee already down on the mattress with her, poised to pounce.

“No—” she protests and before she can blink he’s off of her and standing at the edge of the bed.

“What is it?” His voice is calm, with none of the frustration she would assume he’d be feeling in that moment.

“No, it’s just—” She pauses and glances at the door to the ensuite bathroom, teeth digging into her bottom lip. “I really need a shower, before any… tasting happens.”

He blinks and then in a flash he’s on her again, his body pressing her deep into the soft mattress.

“For what it’s worth, sweetheart,” he says, nipping at her lips, “I’ll taste you whenever, however.”

“Reassuring,” she laughs, “but trust me when I say a shower is needed.”

“Then let’s get you wet.” She laughs again with a groan, allowing him to hoist her up.

He tugs at her shirt and she raises her arms accommodatingly, allowing him to lift it up and over her head. Piece by piece, he undresses her, hands grazing her skin with each article he removes, discarding the item as quickly as it comes off her body, until she stands in front of him fully nude.

Self-consciousness at her nudity is a forgotten pastime now that she’s with Mason. It’s something about the way he looks at her —he’s always just so pleased. With her or with himself she can’t tell, but either way it does wonders for one’s self esteem.

Even now, she can almost feel the heat emanating off of him, a hungry smoulder of pure energy as his eyes roam up and down her body.

“Shower,” she squeaks, not sure who needs the reminder more.

Instead of answering, he lifts her up effortlessly, dragging her thighs around him until she can cross her ankles behind his back. She feels the fabric of his clothing rubbing every inch of bare skin it encounters – the leather of his jacket against her nipples, his jeans between her legs – and he settles her onto a dresser that she literally hadn’t even noticed before that moment.

Her breathing escalates in anticipation and yearning, waiting for wherever his mouth or his tongue or his teeth go next, but instead he remains quiet and still, before leaning forward and resting his forehead on her shoulder.

She freezes, unsure what he wants or even what she should do. And then she feels it.

A light tremor, scarcely noticeable, running through his body.

Before she can react, his arms tighten around her in a crushing hug and she instinctively hugs him back fiercely, running her hands up and down his back, pulling him closer with her legs.

“Mason,” she whispers. “What—?”

With a growl, he lifts his head and captures her mouth with his own, teeth and tongues clashing in a hungry, desperate kiss. His fingers tangle in her hair as his thumbs caress her cheekbones in a juxtaposition of rough and gentle.

She kisses him back, trying to keep up with the shift in his mood. Pulling away with a gasp, she attempts to catch his eye.

“Are you—?”

Groaning, he leans in and kisses her again, hands running over her body in frantic strokes, as though memorizing the shape of her with his palms.

When he lifts his head again, she sees the conflict in his narrowed gaze, the grey irises stormy with anger and desire and another, less discernible emotion that causes gooseflesh to rise on her bare skin.

“Just look at you.” His voice is harsh, almost angry, and her jaw slackens in surprise at his tone. He tilts away from her as he speaks and she registers the absence acutely as cool air hits bare skin that now feels on display, her legs still spread open around him.

Shyness overcomes her as she becomes truly conscious of her nudity for the first time. She makes to close her legs and he grips them tighter around his hips so she can’t move them, his eyes flicking between hers, seeking answers and absolution.

“You’re so soft, so small,” he continues, his voice still rough with shades of anger, even as his words feel hollow and almost somehow reminiscent of—grief? “This skin, this body you’re in—it’s so weak.”

“Mason!” She finds her voice finally, confusion and indignation at war with one another in her mind as she tries to coincide his expression – which can only be described as tortured – with the hurtful things he’s saying.

“How can we let you go back out there?” His voice is raw now, the anger appearing to slowly fade away, leaving him worn-out and desperate in its wake. “Unprotected? Out in the open for any fucker to grab, to take. To hurt?” He gives her a little shake and she gasps. “Huh? How?”

Understanding dawns. Yes, it had been a rough day for her. One of the worst.

But it looks as though, maybe, it had been a rough day for him, too.

Immediately, her hands begin to move of their own volition, running up his chest and over his shoulders. His whole body seems to sag, the fight draining out of him completely, and he closes his eyes, turning his head away from her.

“I have the Agency,” she murmurs as she tries to soothe him with her touch, her tone, her words. She tucks her hands under his jacket and pushes it off until it drops on the floor. Smoothing her hands back up his arms, she doesn’t stop until they cup his face. “I have them to protect me.”

She turns his head and waits until he opens his eyes, his gaze still narrowed, but with a telltale furrow in his brow.

“And I have you,” she adds, softly. “To protect me.” She pauses, watching the creases in his forehead smooth even as his eyes drift away from hers once more. “I’ll be okay.”

He reminds her now of a beast being soothed; a wolf, perhaps—hackles still up, but with the understanding that the threat has passed, for the time being, at least.

She knows not to look too much into it; loyalty is intrinsic to Mason’s being. His defence of her would be his defence of any of them.

But she kisses his brow anyway, just in case. His cheek, too, even as he stiffens in her arms.

“I’ll be okay,” she repeats, “unless I don’t get a shower in the next thirty seconds.”

His expression shifts back to a familiar one: arched brow, lips curled up on one side, white teeth showing one sharp canine. He seems almost relieved, though at what she’s not sure – the reprieve? Her unspoken forgiveness? Her assurance?

Regardless, she knows she won’t get the answers she seeks and, sure enough, he says nothing, only lifts her back into his arms and carts her off to the bathroom.

She can’t help but laugh against his neck, although her heart still thumps an erratic beat at the odd moment they’d just had.

Depositing her by the sink, he peels off his shirt, dropping it unceremoniously onto the floor as he reaches inside the shower to turn on the water. He then strips out of his pants and underwear just as quickly, appearing more comfortable in his nudity than he is clothed—a fact that she’s come to realize is true.

She can’t help but take him in, flawless and muscular, a constellation of freckles across his upper body and arms. Unruly onyx waves tumble towards his shoulders and her fingers itch to run through them. His chest is covered in short, curling hairs that stretch across his pectorals and down, over his defined stomach and even further still. His prominent erection is unselfconsciously on display, flushed and waiting, apparently, for her.

Feeling the colour rise in her cheeks as she stares, she hazards a glance back up to his face.

He’s regarding her quietly, a growing smile on his lips, his gaze half-lidded and pleased.

“Like what you see, sweetheart?”

“Always,” she responds before she can lose her nerve, her face heating even more.

He chuckles softly, taking a step towards her, stroking his knuckles down her cheek. “The feeling is mutual.” He nods towards the running water. “Feel that and tell me if it’s okay.”

Hopping off the counter, she reaches her hand in. The water is scalding and she hisses out a breath, before adjusting it slightly cooler. She waits a beat until it runs at a suitable temperature on her palm and wrist. “That’s good for me. You?”

She finds herself craning her neck to look up at him. He’s standing tall in front of her, looking down without really tilting his chin. He has a half smile on his face as he watches her and she feels herself redden again under his gaze.

“I’ll be fine,” he says eventually, before crowding her until she has no choice but to take a step in.

Entering the shower fully, she allows the water to run down her back, tilting her head to wet her hair. He follows her in and runs his fingers softly down her chest, snagging on her nipples, already distended and aching.

“Beautiful,” he murmurs, tracing over her lightly with his fingertips, playing and stroking. One finger circling a nipple before going down further until it grazes between her legs.

She bites back a moan as her eyes shut briefly, her palms pressing back against the cool tile of the shower for some sort of purchase.

He loops an arm around her waist and brings her to him, kissing her wetly, open-mouthed and demanding, their bare skin slipping against one another.

Swiftly, he turns her, pressing himself into the cleft of her ass. She can feel his hardness wedged deeply between her; a new sensation, but not entirely unpleasant, either. She wriggles experimentally and gasps at the titillating pressure.

“One day,” he murmurs in her ear, reading her mind, and she knows from the way he chuckles that her cheeks have gone truly red this time.

He strokes down her forearms, linking his fingers overtop hers before pressing them onto the tile so that her body is forced to tilt forward slightly. Then, he adjusts the spray of the water so it’s not hitting them directly.

“Open.” His voice is a gruff command and she can’t help but obey, her feet slipping slightly in her haste to spread her legs.

She feels his hand course over her wet skin, erection still pressed against her bottom, as his fingers move across her, teasing and playing, until they settle into the warm, liquid centre of her.

She lets out a protracted moan, her legs shaking, the relief of finally having him touch her right where she needs him to almost more than she can bear.

He strokes her masterfully, a finger delving into the wetness her body is producing just for him, for his touch, and then circling at the apex of her thighs. Her clit throbs with his attention and she can’t help but cry out as he applies steady continuous pressure. The shaking in her legs increases and his body presses against her even tighter, his other hand coming up to cup her breast, thumb strumming her nipple at the same pace as his other finger works her clit.

“I want you to come,” his voice grinds out next to her ear. “I want you to come all over my hand. I can already feel you dripping all over me, all over yourself. Let go, sweetheart.” He bites her neck lightly and she feels the sharp prick of his fangs on her sensitive flesh. “Let go.”

The pain and pleasure intertwine into a blinding flash of white light, her body convulsing as she cries out, her shout echoing throughout the small room. Her legs give way and he holds her steady against him, his arm the only barrier between her and the tiles.

She comes down slowly from her climax, her shaky breath echoing around them, trembling fingers still scrabbling for purchase on the wet tiled walls of the shower.

Before she can fully catch her breath, he turns her around wordlessly and crushes his mouth to hers again. She matches his fervour, opening her mouth and allowing him to consume her. Their kisses feel hungry, desperate, and she whimpers against his lips. Tightening his hold, he lifts her up into his arms, pressing her against the cool tiles. She can feel his hands splayed across her back, cushioning the impact, and she tightens her legs to draw him closer.

His erection is notched between her legs, stroking hotly up and down the teeming wetness there, both from the shower streaming between them and also, she knows, from her own body’s response to him, his nearness, and the promise of what’s to come.

She reaches between them and grips him, running her hand up and down his length as he tilts his head back and groans.

“Jesus, Gracie,” he bites off, and she can feel his fingers digging into her where they rest on her upper and lower back. “You gotta stop that, sweetheart, before I—”

“Make me,” she teases, revelling in these small, rare moments where she has the upper hand.

His head snaps up and she feels her heart skip a beat at the expression on his face, those silvery irises as thin as crescent moons against the deep black of his dilated pupils. His lips curl in a familiar smirk as he bounces her up higher in his arms. Laughing in surprise, she loses her grip on him and has to put her arms around his neck instead for balance.

At the new height he has her, she can feel the tip of his cock nudging into her liquid centre.

She lets out a breath that extends into a moan, feeling him enter her as she opens for him further. He holds her steady, hands cupping her ass as he guides her down, then back up, then down again, allowing her body time to accommodate him comfortably.

“Oh,” she whimpers, the sensation almost too much for her to bear. “I can’t—I’ve never—”

“Shhh.” He shifts and one hand goes to the back of her neck, drawing her head down his shoulder, while his other arm grips her around her hips. “I got you.”

Slowly, slowly he thrusts and pulls back, thrusts and pulls back, shallow and fluid movements, her body giving and giving some more, until he holds her tightly against him, their pelvises notched together, him fully seated within her.

There is never a moment in which she feels so vulnerable as the moment when they’re connected like this. Her body trembles with emotion, the full weight of the day finally crashing down on her. She tightens her thighs against his hips and her arms around his neck, tilting her head to kiss his wet, freckled shoulder, neck and jaw, happy that the steady stream of water from the showerhead prevents him from noticing the tears streaking down her cheeks.

She can’t do this right now, she can’t allow herself to succumb to this moment, these feelings, because if she does, she’s going to say something she regrets. Something that will ruin everything.

So she distracts herself with the physicality of what they’re doing and with the pressing need for release.

“Move,” she begs with a sob that hopefully he believes is impassioned rather than emotional. She rocks her hips against him, needing the moment to end just as much as she needs it to last forever.

He quickly and silently obeys, using her body to create a rhythm that matches his own, crowding her against the corner of the shower, holding her securely in his arms. She can feel his heart pounding against her body and without thinking, she digs her teeth into the soft skin where his neck meets shoulder, not hard enough to draw blood but certainly enough to leave a mark.

The sudden action, fierce and uncharacteristic of her, almost possessive in its intensity, clearly surprises him. His hips stutter against hers and his hands grip her tightly—so tightly that she knows she’ll be seeing the bruises in the morning. He lets out a hoarse shout and she can feel his release inside her and that’s all it takes to send her hurtling over the edge with him. Letting out a cry that matches his, she rides the wave of her own climax, her body holding tightly to his, inside and out.

They stay like that for a beat, hearts pounding, Grace’s breath echoing shakily against the tiles. Gently, Mason disentangles her from him and sets her down, still holding her against him firmly. He strokes her back until she can get her breathing and pulse under control.

Once she’s steady, he pulls away from her. She inadvertently lets out a whimper as the water, now lukewarm, causes goosebumps to rise on her skin, the heat from his body too tempting to be taken from her. She has no reason to be concerned, however, because he’s back on her almost immediately, this time with a soft, soapy cloth in his hand that he begins to wash with her with.

Long, languid strokes down her back, her arms, the backs of her legs. Gently between her legs as he washes away the intermingled essence of what they’ve just done, rinsing and rewashing, in light, soft strokes.

She allows him his ministrations, feeling sleepier and more languorous by the moment, enjoying the feel of him caring for her. She registers that the soap has a light scent, inoffensive to her own nostrils, but she can’t help but wonder if it bothers him.

Reaching up lazily, with an arm that feels sluggish and heavier than usual, she brushes the damp hair back from his forehead.

“The soap—?” she tries, taking the wash cloth from him and allowing it to drop between them. She steps back slightly and rinses herself with the water streaming down.

“It’s fine.” He shrugs. “I can only smell you.”

“Me—?” She realizes belatedly he means her arousal, and the evidence of their union, and her face flares up with heat once more. His smirk turns into a full fledged grin.

“Oh, sweetheart, if I could make you blush like that forever, I’d be one lucky son of a bitch.”

The word forever seems to hang between them and the smile drops quickly from his face at her sharp intake of breath.

“Turn around,” he says gruffly and she obeys quickly, reluctant to allow the moment to be shattered completely.

She hears the sound of another liquid dispenser and the telltale coconut scent of her favourite shampoo fills the humid space – when the Agency does something, they really do it right, she thinks, impressed and a little weirded out – before she feels Mason’s hands in her hair.

If she’d expected impatience or roughness from him in this endeavour, she’s pleasantly surprised to be proven wrong. For all his brusqueness and usual lack of desire to perform acts of service for others – outside those related to sexual pleasure – he takes his time with her hair, leisurely massaging in the shampoo, fingertips expertly pressing into her scalp and lathering the wet strands.

She tilts her head back and closes her eyes, a hum of pleasure escaping her lips. The warm water streams over her body and she’s convinced she’d be able to fall asleep standing if she let herself.

After a few more moments of quiet bliss, Mason places his hands on her shoulders and turns her back around. He gently tilts her chin up until the water is streaming over her hair now and she brings her own hands up to assist in rinsing out all the shampoo.

As she gets the shampoo out of her hair, his hands idly tease and caress her, his fingers running over her body once more in light strokes. The touch doesn’t seem to be intended to reignite anything; instead, it appears to be for the simple pleasure of just touching her.

They’re both quiet, the need or the desire to speak seemingly sapped out of them, and she allows him his touches, until all the soap is out of her hair and off her body. Then, she languidly opens her eyes and just watches him—watches how his eyes follow his hands as they move over her body, tracing her with his gaze as well as his fingers.

“Your turn?” she asks, finally, her voice a quiet echo in the small space.

He shakes his head and gathers her close to him, kissing her soundly on the mouth. “I’m good. Ready to come out?”

Instead of answering, she wraps her arms around his neck, stroking down his back and into his damp hair, the unruly waves curling around her fingers more than usual. She kisses him again, then nods against his lips, her eyes dropping closed of their own volition.

The rest is a blur. She feels him towel her off, remaining completely boneless the entire time and succumbing to his ministrations with nary a physical protest. He must dry himself as well, but who knows, because next thing she feels is him carrying her to her bed. She snuggles even more securely into his arms and she can swear she registers his lips against her forehead.

When he settles her on top of the covers she doesn’t even bother to do anything except burrow herself underneath them, still naked, hair frizzing and damp.

Her eyes are still closed, but she knows he hasn’t left, can feel him like a physical ache. Hovering but not touching or sitting. She doesn’t know if he’s in the process of dressing or stark naked. Doesn’t know if his intent is to stay or to go.

The need to keep her feelings inside, to not...ruin things, or push him away, is so, so strong. She could ask him to stay and he could go anyway, taking her heart with him. She could stay silent and wait for him to make his own decision, knowing the outcome would likely be the same.

As she wars with herself, feeling time ticking past, feeling him slowly slipping away, an image arises in her mind unbidden.

It’s his eyes.

She thinks of how they’d looked that morning, clouded with worry and not a hint of lasciviousness, even though she knew she’d been about ninety-nine percent see-through as she’d squelched up the drive.

How they’d looked when he’d apologized to her for his harsh words at Haley’s the other day, contrite and a little bit confused.

The way they’d held anger and, more than that, hurt when Bobby had spoken about kissing her.

And then she thinks about the look she’d seen in them as they’d all been overrun by Trappers and, immediately afterwards, as she had faced certain kidnapping by a supernatural he knew he could not defend her from.

He’d been terrified.

Those storm-grey irises, so familiar and already so dear, had been filled with abject terror and fear.

Fear for her.

The images fade as she hears him rustling, collecting his things.

She thinks again about how he’d been scared for her. Scared of losing her.

She’s scared, too.

She’s scared that all of this might be for naught. That she’ll fall deeper and deeper in love and he’ll soon be looking for a way out.

But tonight isn’t for fears, she decides. Tonight, they’re safe. Tonight, they’re together.

Tonight, he's hers.

“Mason?” Her eyes remain closed, but she hears his movements stop. She lets out a shaky breath, releasing the final bit of her trepidation, before speaking with conviction:

“I want you to stay.”

X X X X

👀 tags: @utterlyinevitable , @ethansramsey , @otherworldlypresents , @worldoffandoms , @raleighcarrera , @ejunkiet , @starrystarrytrouble , @terrm9 , @openheartthot , @octobereighth , @campsearchlight , @coldshrugs , @kelseaaa , @homeformyheart , @intothestrawberryjar , @magebastard , @kodysteach , @newfangledsoul , @silma-words , @lalizah , @detective-sweetheart , @lem-20 , @ifshebreathes-shesathot , @takemyopenheart , @v2itbwstct (if you want to be added/no longer want to be tagged, pls let me know!)

[bookwyrminspiration]

Response to an ask from Ophelia:

(this is the being frustrated one)

Hello to you too! Also haha nicknames!! I love nicknames so much I hope to acquire as many as possible. And you're not bothering me; you never have. And even if you did, that would be okay too .Friends are allowed to bother each other and I'm not just gonna stop responding or being your friend because of it. I bother my friends sometimes, but that's part of relationships. It's okay.

And you're welcome for the previous message. You mean a lot to me, and I think you deserve kindness. You're very cruel to yourself at times, but I don't think you deserve it. So I'm going to continue being as kind as I can <33

I'm sorry that you're going through all that. It sounds really infuriating and I can't figure out what the other emotion is but like...collapse? Like dark grey and rickety and over it and collapsing. I'm unsure how to articulate it, but it doesn't sound pleasant. I hope whatever it was that sent you there wasn't too serious. Seeing as it's such a small part of the ask I'm going to assume it's not a big deal, but either way. I hope whatever situation put you there eases.

Patience can be difficult, you're very right about that. It's not an infinite resource and can be depleted, which sounds like it might be similar to what you're going through. Everything just starts to build on each other without break so everything starts to feel worse and worse. Or your ability to deal with it is lessened and things you used to be able to deal with gradually get more and more overwhelming until it's hard to believe you were ever able to do it.

The school thing sounds frustrating, as I know you've mentioned in the past how much you were struggling with it and trying. And some things about teachers being unhelpful with support. I'm only going to say one thing in counter, so please bear with me. It's entirely valid to be angry and think it's a waste, but you could also consider that maybe if you do everything again you've already got a head start. You're already familiar with some of the content and know what kinds of things to expect, so maybe that'll help. I don't want to just tell you "well it's not bad because of this!" but maybe there's a small positive to be found in the situation. That's generally how I work through situations like this, just finding the small things to focus on. Maybe it'll help you too, but you're welcome to ignore that. Because yeah, a lot of that sounds awful and infuriating, and your reaction is justified. Please forgive me if my suggestions are unhelpful or unwanted. My reaction to things like this is "how can I help?" so if you'd prefer I stop please just let me know.

I've undoubtedly talked to way fewer doctors than you (I tend to avoid them), but I think i've been in a similar situation. Where it's like you tell them things and they're like "ah yes, the 20 seconds you talked about the most surface level part of what you're experiencing was enough for me to tell that you're entirely wrong and actually the problem is something entirely different and don't worry I'm qualified." A lot of healthcare professionals are great (I'm a little biased as my dad is a nurse), but sometimes it's like they just don't listen or they assume you're exaggerating, especially when it comes to mental health. There was this one time I told my primary care doctor that I thought I had an anxiety disorder (a few years ago before I got diagnosed) and she was like "hmm. we should test you for a stomach bacteria. that might be it." Like thank you but also no.

And I think it might be more common in mental health because so much of it is subjective, if that makes sense. Like when you have a broken bone you can clearly see that the bone is not doing the thing it's supposed to do, but it's harder to tell when the brain is. I mean, there are parts of the brain that we still don't know what it does, and combined with all the stigma it's like a battle to be taken care of.

But that definitely sounds like an annoying conversation, so I hope that doctor gets some sense knocked into them. it's like you're debating about whether or not something's happening and not what to do about it. And it's so hard to be clear and direct with them sometimes because we've been taught that they're an authority and we should respect that. But respect goes both ways, so I personally think if they're not listening you are fully entitled to interrupt and correct them and set them straight.

Also you don't need to shut up! You're welcome to talk as much or as little as you want as often as you want! I like talking to you, and you're allowed to rant and vent in my inbox.

And yeah i'm doing alright. My typical schedule for homework got messed up this week so not thrilled about that but I'll manage. And my family has been dogsitting for the neighbors this weekend and I feel so bad every time I leave because Lucky (the dog) just starts whimpering and doesn't wanna get in her kennel and I'm just like "I am so sorry but I cannot stay I'm sorry :(" and then she stares at you as you leave and like girl please no I can only handle so much guilt

I hope things smooth out for you and become easier to deal with. It's lovely to hear from you!!

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

i am very much enjoying my vague void! it's currently blasting hozier at full volume and that's almost louder than my internal screaming (don't worry, everything is fine, i just saw a spider)

i've never once in my life have followed a recipe correctly. all of my measurements are completely random and whatever happens happens. it is no longer in my hands. whatever eldritch entities exist take the wheel. and i absolutely refuse to spell anything in english without autocorrect because y'all have way too many double letters and random vowel placement

thank you! sadly, i won't have a break right now, because we just had christmas vacations, but the start of the new semester is always pretty chill. and you're absolutely right, i should take up necromancy! the snow and the cold will add to my mysterious vibes. i just need to get a big black cape with a hood to complete the aesthetic

i definitely picture everything above 5'6 feet as the same height. 5'7 and 6'2? the exact same thing. no difference here

how is morepork a real bird name. it's just... more pork? but the bird is magnificent. i completely approve of your first order as bird queen, not that you need approval from mere peasants like me, but it's a great order. ohhh salps look really cool, and it does look a lot like it! when you said boob implant i thought of mermaids and them using salps as boob implants but then i realised wait wouldn't jellyfish be better for that? because of their shape? ignoring their little leggies they're quite boob shaped, no? and then i realised that i was thinking about mermaids and alive boob implants... if i had to think it, you have to read it. i'm sorry

i was sold before but now i'm even more sure that i want to hire you. and I'll make sure to have lactose free cheese for the backflips (unless you want the lactose version? i'm not judging). will the biting of ankles cost extra?

that sounds like a brilliant set-up for a horror movie where they kill off all the children one by one. it's absolutely horrifying. if something like that would've happened to me i would've most likely just passed out. whatever happens afterwards is not my problem. and now i really don't want to know what the hell your leg was caught on because that seems like knowledge that would get me killed

ah so you're a fellow dirt eater? according to my mom my favourite thing to do outside when i was a little kid used to be eating sand. just shovelling handfuls of it into my mouth and crying when my mom made me spit it out. which i refuse to believe. if there are no photos it didn't happen

you warm climate people are starting to make me think that i'm better adjusted to the cold than i thought i am! it's either that or our buildings are better heated. i definitely don't know if anyone else calls hot water bottled hotties but i like it so from now on i'm using it

that's so cute! i was clearly a way more selfish child because when i found any amount of money i just kept it and bought candy as soon as i could. i clearly couldn't save money then and i can't now. we have stores like that (or i'm assuming that they're like that solely based on how they sell lollies) and they used to be my favourite thing because you could get so many lollies for such a small price!! and my mom even used to let me order for myself sometimes so i always felt like a very big girl jsjshsbsjk

also the fact that i can't send pictures on anon is a crime (yes i know why and it's good that that's not possible because can you imagine anons being able to send pictures? oh no is all i have to say about it) but anyways. because i have this one super cursed photo that reminded me of you and now i can't share it :((

duuuuude, sick void bro. sounds like a vibing void. I feel like I haven’t seen a spider in awhile. Other than daddy long legs. But they’re chill. They mind their own business. 

I nearly always follow recipes exactly. My mum is like oh cook this for about 7 minutes? Yeah sure. I’ll take a wild guess. I’m like they say exactly 7 minutes so I’ll set a timer for 7 minutes and start a stopwatch so if it does seem to need more than 7 I can keep an eye on the extra time and be aware of exactly how long it takes me for next time. Other people are like oh let's see I have [lists 5-10 things in their fridge], hmm...oh I know what I could make with that! I’m like I have beans in my freezer because one recipe required them and no other recipes I know how to make do so what am I supposed to do with these now,,, this is stressful,,, basically I barely know how to cook and recipes are the only things saving me in that area. That is entirely fair. Except for the fuck duck, and murder is not the word you want surely, situations, it’s pretty helpful.

Ohhh I see. At least the start is chill! For a little! Before your entire situation spirals out of hand and you’re behind in every class and it’s taken you a whole day to read 10 pages and you’re exhausted and it’s only week 2. Just me? ok. fair. anyway. I want a cloak so bad. One of my uni friends tempted me to class because she said she was wearing a cloak so my depressed ass honest to god dragged myself out of bed and to said class just to see it. It was worth it. They’re incredible. Everyone should own a big cloak for the aesthetic.

I’m glad it isn’t just me hahaha. I can visualise my own height in feet but everything else is just the same size that is a vague amount taller than me, mentally.

It’s also known as the ruru. But the name morepork amuses me. It’s named after the call it makes haha. It does sound like it’s asking for more pork if you know to listen for that. thank u for ur approval, it means a lot, turns out becoming bird queen didn’t ACTUALLY get rid of my anxiety disorder weirdly enough so validation is great! lmaooo. What if the jellyfish stung them tho? At least salps wouldn’t do you dirty like that. The mermaids would just look like there are hundreds of bugs crawling around in their boobs, flesh shifting as they float around. Which is a vibe. If you’re into that. Jellyfish WOULD make a more solid, single, implant, some of them are definitely boob shaped. But that’s kinda boring no one’s gonna be traumatised by that. Salps on the other hand...yeah, that sight will DEFINITELY traumatise someone.

To be PERFECTLY honest I haven’t done a backflip in years but for lactose-free cheese? Dude. I’ll be going back to training. Gonna be the best backflip you’ve ever seen. As long as it’s not Tasty cheese I am content, but lactose free IS better. The biting of ankles will not cost extra, it is a pleasure to be allowed to do that.

Oh it absolutely would be. It’d be very funny if it reached the wider world bc people would probably be like ok but who would send kids into the bush like that,, it’s an odd concept. meanwhile everyone who grew up in nz is gonna be like y’all, you’re not gonna fuckin BELIEVE what i experienced growing up, it’s real dude. On one hand, I feel like murdering kids in a movie is questionable, on the other hand, It exists, so maybe people would be down for it. I feel like it’d be a good concept even if it wasn’t murdery tho. Like psychological horror? I’m not sure if I’m using that category correctly I don’t watch much horror. A kid following the rope but then being shifted into a different horror dimension but they never take the blindfold off because their teachers said not to and they’d probably have to let go of the rope to do it...I feel like this could work super well as a short film. The viewers see everything. The child just knows something is off and no one is coming when they call for help. I am so down for this. I also do not want to know what my leg was caught on. Some things I am better off not knowing.

yes! I am a fellow dirt eater! We had a sandpit at home (that’s a little bold. It was a large plastic shell that my parents filled with sand. technically a sandpit. but not fancy sdflsdkfsdf) but I don’t think I ever tried to eat it. Then again, I possibly did and just don’t remember because there’s no photo evidence of that one. I’d have to ask my parents sdfhsjdfs, I would however fully believe them if they said yes. it’s very characteristic of me. I don’t doubt it for a second. muuuum that’s my emotional support sand don’t make me spit it out smh the disrespect these days.

Oh I’m absolutely terrible even by most people’s standards around here when it comes to cold and hot temperatures. I remember sitting in the sun in my school shirt and school jersey in summer on a blazing day like it’s a bit chilly, isn’t it? Meanwhile my friends were in the shade absolutely dying from the heat. Likewise in winter I’d be shivering, teeth chattering, dying with my long sleeve thermal, my school shirt, my school jersey, my school jacket, my longs, warm socks and sneakers and gloves and school scarf while ppl would be walking around in a shirt and shorts like it’s a bit warm this winter huh? my body didn’t learn how to thermoregulate and it shows. But yeah NZ does also have a reputation for shittily insulated buildings and such. It shows. skhdfsfs if it’s not common use maybe don’t say can i have a hotty to someone without context but otherwise go ahead lmao. it’s a fun shortened version.

I was typically a very good saver, to the point where my extended family started gifting me gift cards and vouchers for Christmas and my birthday because if they just gave me money I’d put it in my bank account to save towards uni once I hit like, 12 years old. Which I think was a smart move. But apparently, I’m supposed to buy myself ‘something nice’ with it. I think I’m still an okay saver but I’m not as strict anymore. I’m aware of how much I can spare and I’m not just like you can never get anything for yourself ever, so I do get lil things for myself sometimes. oooo yay! At least you know what I mean. But yes. They were the gold mine for lollies. Absolutely terrific stores. My mum would be like hey lindsey how about you order? And I’d be like mother, I am 7 years old and I have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder everyone assumes is child shyness why would you think I would want to do that. Instead I will whisper my choices to you. After therapy tho I felt pretty rad for picking my own lollies by myself. I was like 13 at that point but sdfkjhsdf listen I got there in the end.

sdfkjsdfkjhsdf I like that a cursed photo reminded you of me. That’s all I need to hear. Tumblr said no anon dick pics but they also said no anon cursed photos either,,, very sad. for the latter part. the first part thank god. If I could turn on photos on anon I absolutely would just to see this but I don’t think I can :(

[thesagedahlia]

🐂 Taurus Season (Apr. 19-May. 19) ♉

🌍

When it comes to romance or emotional situations, there may be an imbalance due to having dealt with pain, trauma, or heartache before. There may have been a complete failure in love, & someone has been allowing unconventional relationship or ones that they don't want to commit to. What needs to be rebuilt is more value for the self, & finding equilibrium with the ones own receptive energy & the productive energy. There is a stubborn or excessively controlling nature that is wanting a passive affair with someone who is a match for them, yet they're overly confident or an energy that is doing too much, that has continued to block their faith or delay their process. There is lack of commitment or frustrated/scattered energy to being open to healing, or renewal of the heart space, yet such focus there is required in order to enjoy a true spiritual union. Don't try to create happiness by holding onto emotionally unavailable situations/people that is allowing you to give up on what you want in order to benefit others, or willing to accept less than you deserve. Clarity is coming about your stagnation, & it is going to bring swift change onto a new path. Some will need to take action in order to bring solutions or results relating to leaving behind vulnerability & weakness. Things will be illuminated for what they are, & there will be an opportunity to choose a growing path.

🐂

A limit has been reached regarding a female family member, or there is a need to withdraw or let go from family gratitude of others, that may be masking or disguising someone's emotional manipulation. It may be coming online about the situation you are exposed to & its effects on someone; it has decayed their innocence & they're realizing it may have been volitile & aggressive. It may be up to someone's intuition, that family environments has cause conflict that has ruined their happiness, or female family member has gained enjoyment from punishments in the past (& still engage in this today). There is a need for renewal in an effort to cure the detachment from your inner child, or a deeper loneliness is being brought up from a lonely childhood, & holding on to these traumas aren't beneficial to you. Warmth, exuberance, & vibrancy are within you, but it won't expand if you don't dig deep & find it.

👰🏾

There may be a social opportunity where you may be focused on public appearances, or what that community is focused on. This can cause disharmony with these people/communities & this can be directed at dysfunctional families, shattered families, or broken homes. Lack of growth for holding onto the past may be causing someone to feel trapped, or a need for caution when dealing with these people/communities is coming up for someone. The need for discretion will be high for someone as they move away from a dominant figure, & will need to build one's own independence. There may have been a lack of movement here due to dependency, & for some it is financial dependency. This feels like relief from a manipulative leader, & being guided away onto calmer waters. Some will receive guidance from their own intuitive ambition, or others may be very much in tune with their spiritual guides, weather with in the physical realm or removed.

🐐

Someone may be facing stagnation & it can be because of a masculine energy needing to make a transition, or someone needing to make a transition away from one. It may be a heavy decision, but it is also one that is inevitable & necessary. This can be regarding a trying relationship with a soulmate or spiritual ally, or a love entanglement with one that is an outcast or is inexperienced. Someone may need to get out of the negative focus or disillusion regarding this situation, or it has been a missed opportunity or refusing the offer of change & growth. It is an obvious choice to embark on a journey in discovering or searching for happiness, but the choice may be a stressful one. There may be a limit on someone's freedom & one's sense of adventure is decaying, or one may be scared to dream. These difficulties may be concerning a man that may be restrained, or it may be an obstacle to security or setting down roots, but a feminine energy may be clinging or insecure when it comes to any disharmony within a relationship.

🌬

Someone wants to break would progress & effort into a foundation (of a relationship) that has been lacking in stability. There's been a lack of commitment because of an amazing & fulfilling love life, & settling for a solid relationship wasn't something someone was looking for at the time. As time went on, someone realizes their mistake. There may have been a specific person that someone has deep emotion for, or this person was able to change someone's mind. There is a need for happiness after feeling pain or heartbreak from a healthy relationship that was either delayed, or a missed chance that was never acted on out of hesitation. Someone may have also let a foundation be ruined because of too much sexual gratification, & has caused heartache to their relationship or to those they've encountered. A masculine energy may have been self sabotaging when it came to committing to a feminine energy, & held back a lot out of fear & insecurity. There was an emotional component to his fear, & there was deception, betrayal, or lack of communication as he result of this major anxiety and panic. There is also extreme guilt felt here, as the feminine energy opted out of dealing with him because she has a stable, long term vision, & is someone who embraces growth. Someone has been holding on to this bond/connection despite the extremes that may have been taken, or lack of seriousness, & there is repression of this foundation being explored. There is communication wanting to come in, in regards to initiate a traditional relationship or establish a commitment. For some, this is a long distance relationship where the inability to commit only slowed things down, or someone who has fearful of a connection moving too fast or acting impulsively created lack of romance, or causing one to be waiting for clarity.

👭🏿

A dominant male figure, or male with authority (this can also be a masculine energetic woman, or a man), that has brought change within the institution or workplace that has become overpowering, or this person's leadership may be going through a transformation. There can also be some one having to deal with obstacles to bringing an end to the commitment to this masculine (or job). For some, this is an ending to a friendship or to loyalty to the stable foundation,that has come as a surprise. Family values may have held someone back, or family was a negative influence that they were loyal to. For others, a family feud, loss in family, or loneliness from family is the focus, as well as needing to put an end to the devotion or obedience to such causes. This transformation will be created through, or discussed through, conversation that may be in the form of a loving letter, or passionate communication.

⚖

Someone may be encountering flirtation in their communication with a man (masculine energy) with much energy, but may have an underlying suspicion about them. They may be the type to 'catch & release', if you will, & can set bad examples through impulsiveness. They engage in light communication in order to achieve a lucky chance/opportunity. This can be someone who refuses to commit, or likes to control the situation with manipulation, but this is a person who has inexperience with the traditional sense of public relations. They may act out the nervousness of their inexperience through ruthless or extreme behavior/means. There is confusion about their feelings, or there's a plain inability to express their emotions that are growing, & the person they're dealing with is needing to bring to this situation, since it's unhealthy & they're leaving themselves vulnerable to abuse.

🤖

There is an energy to want to balance out a situation with someone that makes you someone feel aligned & happy in her life. Someone is passionate about releasing from a situation that may be continuing to hold them back, or is causing paralysis in rushing toward a goal. There is a truth to someone's growth that will involve a major transition from hopelessness to a place of warmth, love, & positivity. It is something that really makes someone feel good, & for some it has become a sudden desire for someone. For others, there was an end to this ambition or enthusiasm due to destructive behaviors or deficiencies in fairness. There may be someone wanting to reconcile or wanting to build a bridge with a desire (can be a person/relationship) that may have ended suddenly in the past. There is a need to balance with the heart & the mind, because their direction is that of dealing with the burden/suffering of their sensuality head on.

🌊

The door to personal healing & happiness is a phenomenon that only few people can tap into, & for a lot of people, this concept is internal. In order to reach this place, there will be a need to have some emotional strength, or may need to be emotionally removed from situations that dont meet this vibrations. There's a higher frequency that can be reached, & emotional withdrawal & understanding is what is being asked of. This driving force for independence is fueling those experiencing this energy, & it is bound to pay off spiritual & abundantly. It will take some time to get through a mentally confusing & painful time where triggers may cause emotional that keeps someone trapped within themselves, & there is a suppression of this transition to come about. Being out of touch with self isn't allowing for some to be open or even to have a clear mind, & it was caused by concerning themselves with friendships/relationships that weren't what they portrayed to be. You could avoid the conflict or the clashing from any corruption happening in certain relationships, & these may be commitments that are unconventional or ones that someone is reluctant to fulfill. It may have carried on for this long because of ignoring the signs, but there is a need to take charge & embrace a new vitality & having individual successes away from people who are volatile & are only around to bring you trouble.

🦀

There may be some chaos in your vicinity, or you may be dealing with competitive or combative situations/relationships that may need to be reflected upon. Someone isn't able to let go of these situations or people that aren't beneficial, & repression of the toll it is taking on some people. Uncertainty of dealing with this conflict has been caused by suffering from it, & it has caused uncertainty in your spiritual journey. You have to be loyal to a transformation of a friendship, & needing to find happiness for yourself, & being stable in that. It may feel like a lack of security for someone who is trying to be stable in their emotions & their own happiness, & it may be a time for a renewal of their energy. For others, this is a time of awakening for people who need to learn forgiveness & self evaluation that has been struggling with the concept, as someone's boundaries have been overpowered.

🦂

Someone may be in a place where healing needs to be their main focus & there is a need for clarity & renewal after having to deal with feeling things are too good to be true. Whether this is related to decisions, illusions, or fantasies, someone's idealization or blocks to creativity is bringing inspiration through spiritual knowledge & hope. Someone may be in a whimsical mood that is probably up & down from being uncertain regarding a purpose some may be searching for. There's some aggression against one's (or someone else's) innocence but they really have the knowledge that can be used as a weapon, & for some it's spiritual knowledge. Ancestral entanglements may have been causing these creative blocks, & needing to understand lessons coming up that are from past life karmic cycles that have yet to be dealt with.

🐡

The past may be feeling like it is repeating itself for some people, or that bad memories of past events/situations are coming up & that is leading to dissatisfaction & feelings of lacking direction. For others, naivety is causing misalignment of values, & there is an energy of lacking discipline, carelessness, or distraction that may be causing irrationality. Some people are lacking the fun in their day to day, & are actually suffering from boredom. For some, friendships may be tested through gossip or someone may be a person that stops being a friend through difficult times. For others, this is a past issue within a friendship that is coming up again. There's pure facts about a journey that may be feeling like someone is underachieving, or someone may be devastated over knowledge about exploring ethics or morality within a friendship (or one's self), when someone may not have been operating in a loyal way.

🔥

Opportunities may have been missed or delayed that may have been regarding a spiritual love, or trusting/having hope for love with a feminine energy, & there may also conflict within the family about decisions & future planning. There is also worry & anxiety because of this, & it is causing overwhelm as well as distance from people either tying to control you, or causing you to place restrictions on yourself. A masculine energy may have found security in a commitment where there was hesitation or lack of initiative. This was blocked/ended because of confusion about what makes one happy when it comes to a feminine energy, & taking charge/protecting the connection may be something that someone is holding onto. Someone's suspicions may be subsiding & are thinking of communication to relieve loneliness. Someone is desiring happiness (for some, in another person), & this masculine is having conflict with finding depth, or emotional knowledge, & there may be weakness with expressing feelings. Immature desires of craving/addiction to sensuality will be values that were built on shaky foundation. There is an energy of the future being uncertain, & it causing a lot of burdens that could be avoid if there was clearing the mind of major stresses & anxieties. For some of you, there is a lack of connection to source or a higher power & needing to allow yourself to recieve the guidance that is trying to come in. There is also news of betrayal or message of deception regarding someone who is emotionally unstable within an emotional commitment, that others may need to be aware of.

🦁

Some of you are having a spiritual transition that may be causing deep seeded issues to come up in order to be explored, but some are being held back, or staying put so to speak, due to fear of change, fear of the unknown, or indecision brought up through doubt. On their path, there are some that are taking one's transition lightheartedly, & others may be prone to making changes that don't bring lasting change or a moral transformation. This can also be speaking to this involving a masculine energy specificically. There also seems to be worries about responsibilities or burdens, some of you may be hearing it come up a lot in conversation within gathering. Some are wanting to put an ending to a time of loneliness, & others can be letting go of grief from isolation. The direction that someone is taking is withdrawal from authority in sexual relationship, or are becoming introspective about their own moral authority.

🐎

There is fairness needed in a situation with a feminine energy that may be a domineering, aggressive, or demanding force, & is either selfishness toward a lonely child, or insecurity could be coming up due to detachment from inner child. For some, there could be a jealous or low confident person whose suspicion creates loneliness, or her distrust of others creates barriers. This person may be conflicting (or a bully) toward another who is unable to care for one's self, or are manipulative to a naive person (or child) & they are being tricked by someone. When it comes to conversations about finances, financial documents - bills, taxes-there is a lack of focus, scattered thoughts or lack of control for some, & for others there is a vicious attempt to have opportunities missed if there isn't truth or clarity. This can be a new discovery made about a friend, or needing to speak truthfully or opening up to a friend is that focus.

🐏

You're in the mode of working for what you want to achieve happiness in all areas of life, & self growth is progressive & slow moving. Some may be receiving some lucky news that is of financial importance, or they may be needing patience for hard work; they may also have luck in financial matters, or are feeling unburdened by finances. Others can be receiving messages regarding the value of compassion & love & having a lucky opportunity in love (some may even buying their love). Someone may have been guided by a spiritual leader to help progression toward enlightenment of what is really desired in their life, & a part of that desire is for spiritual growth, others can be straight up seduced by spirituality. For some, a compassionate friendship, or a loving friend, helped to show where undelivered promises has brought stagnant energy. Others may be bound by loyalty to a rational connection, or it could be bound by pride had dwindling compassion, dwindling love, or was an all around unhealthy love.

*this reading is intended for sun, moon, rising, & venus placements, & is intended for entertainment purposes only, energy is fluid not linear, roles are interchangeable, cross readers (reading for another person's sign) should pick their energy in the scenario, take what resonates, leave the rest*

[hippityhoppityyourenowmyproperty]

Reset! Rant (part 3)

Chapter: 16

That familiar feeling of rage returned to him. His fist and teeth clenched and he had the urge to hit something, preferable someone. Bart was the first thing that came to his mind, but he had better control of his Impulses than his brother did. He couldn't let Thawne win.

This is another big hypocrisy moment. He is not better at controlling his impulses than Bart is. Whenever he gets angry, he starts insulting and picking on Bart. He hurt Bart before because he couldn't take Kon making fun of him, and while doing so, he made the mission more dangerous and more prone to failure. He let's his anger out on Bart every time, and he had multiple agressive outburst. He's not as in control as the story leads on.

Bart hopped to his feet and rocked on his heels. "I screw up all the time. Everyone says so. That's why I'm not supposed to do the hero thing without an adult. That's why I wasn't invited to join the Teen Titans."

"Are you kidding me?" Thad's tone was sharp and angry. "What business does anyone have in telling you you how to help people? What business do you have in even listening to them? I don't see you calling yourself Kid Flash and running at Wally's side like and obedient puppy. You're not a side kick."

...................................."In any case, we're more than capable of operating on our own. We don't need some nosy busybodies lording over us and expecting obedience just because of the legacy we inherited."

At the first glance, this looks like Thad trying to emotionally support Bart and make him feel better. At the second look, not so much. Let's untangle what exactly is happening in this conversation. Bart is explaining why he is still supposed to have adult supervision, namely because people think that he can't handle missions on his own and that he'll mess up. Then Thad argues that he's not a side kick and therefore no one should tell him how to do the hero thing. Which...doesn't really makes sense. It was said that the reason why people are convinced that Bart can't be a hero without some guidance is not because he's part of a legacy, it's because they think that because of his impulsiveness and trouble at focusing he will screw them up. They're not expecting obedience because Bart is part of a legacy, they're expecting a willingness of Bart to work with a mentor because he's not experienced enough and will mess up at being a hero, otherwise.

Thad is self-projecting here. If he didn't misunderstand the situation for being about legacy, he wouldn't have tried to make Bart feel better. I'm certain he's just saying this because he's angry about the legacy he is conected to. The only reason Thad rants about Wally is because it reminds him of his situation with his legscy, and not becaus he's mad at Wally for being mean to Bart. Again, Thad is doing this for himself.

Remember when I told you to keep in mind what Thad said about Bart somewhere in Chapter 11? "Bart lacks the capacity of forethought that is requiered in an operation like this"? Also remember how Thad is always insulting Bart's intelligence, criticizes him and says that he won't survive without him? So what about the "In any case, we're more than capable of operating on our own"? This is not Thad suddenly making a turn around and seeing the flaws of his thoughts he had earlier. Thad's always saying what fits his interests best. He changes his opinions on whatever suits him best at the moment. He's such an obvious hypocrit at this point. He's bending his opinions on whatever he needs them to be. This is one of the most in your face instance of Thad gaslighting Bart. Through denial, controdiction and lies relating to his actions and words, he's planting seeds of doubt in Bart. Thad is making Bart question his own perception of memory, perception of reality and his sanity, whether Thad is intentionally gaslighting Bart or not doesn't matter. It's still damaging.

Chapter: 17

Thad thumped his fist against the garage door. "At least I had Craydl before. Now, I'm stuck with you." He glared at Bart again.

Gosh what a horrible fate, Thad. I feel so sorry for you. No really, I can't fathom what an awful nightmare this must be for you! He can never be satisfied, can he? He can count himself lucky that Bart is tolerating his toxic behavior. He is stuck with Thad. Bart is the one who has to put up with his constant belittling and verbal abuse. No one forced Thad to stay at Bart's home, Thad just decided that it now be that way. If it bothers him so much he could've asked to stay with the Garricks. Which would've also made more sense for everyone involved because Jay has superspeed and can look after Thad in case he would try to kill anyone else again.

Also note how Thad is threatening Bart through his gestures.

"Besides, mom said I'm the big brother and that's what big brothers are supposed to do." Rolling his eyes, Thad snorted, "Thanks for the touching moment, but it's not making my situation any better."

This is a form of withholding. It's also condescending demeanor.

Thad clenched his jaw and fists and said nothing in return. He stalked back into the house, punching the doorframe as he passed by.

He threatens Bart yet again.

I'm pressing buttons", Thad snapped. "What does that accomplish? This-" He pointed at the television, "is frivolous. It does nothing!" Bart tilted his head, looking at his brother then the controller. Then, without a word, he punched Thad. Startled, Thad stared at him, and then noticed the surprised expressions on Jay's and Helen's faces. Bart stood up. "Well, aren't ya gonna hit me?" Thad eyed Bart warily and stood. "What is this? Is this a trick?"

"No I'm serious. Hit me." When Thad hesitated, Bart insisted, "Fighting game im real life. Right here." Helen sucked in a breath as she realized what Bart was up to. "Not in the house." Bart nodded and grabbed Thad's arm. "C'mom! I know a place that's still in Manchester." When they ran off, Jay tipped his head to Helen. "I'll keep an eye om them." Once the boys were sure that nobody other than Jay was watching, Bart faced Thad with a combative stance.

Thad struck with a punch and Bart blocked with his forearms. Jay stood aside and watched, ready to intervene in case the fight got out of hand. Every now and then, a particularly solid strike by either boy, he tensed up and stepped forward, but they would continue on as if there was nothing to worry about. As Jay watched, he saw Thad smile for the first time. It was a wicked, predatory grin, full of bloodthirsty pleasure. Bart wasn't smiling. Instead, it was taking everything he had to hold himself against Thad. Sparks of static and stray speed force lightning trailed after them. Then Thad slipped past Bart's defenses and slammed down with an elbow and up with a knee. The next thing Bart knew he was looking up at Jay's concerned face. The elder speedster held out an arm to halt Thad. Thad's yellow eyes gleamed and he was still smilling, spoiling for more. Jay held out his other hand to help Bart to his feet. "You all right, son?"

This whole scene is so wrong, in so many ways, for so many reasons. Yes, you read this right. Bart suggested that Thad beat him up in order to let Thad get rid of his anger. Jay and Helen hear this offer, and say fucking nothing about it. Once again, they're irresponsible and neglectful. Helen shows absolute zero concern for Bart's well being. For crying out loud, the first thing she says after she realizes what Bart's suggesting is: "Not in the house." I repeat, the first thing that comes to her mind after she hears that Bart offers getting beat up by Thad is: "Oh no! My poor house! Everything will be so messed up!" I mean, damn. You have to be a really neglient, bad parent when you're more concerned with the state of your house than with the physical and mental health of your child. Helen and Jay should have been disgusted and put off by this offer. Helen should have said something along the lines of: "If Thad has anger issues, then that is his problem to work through, not yours. It's not your responsibility to keep his emotions under control. You are not his personal punshing bag, and you shouldn't put his well being before your own. No one expects you to make sacrifices like that for him." But nope, she is more afraid of what will happen to her precious kitchen than of the fact that Thad might break every bone that Bart has in his body because he feels like it. They both know what Bart is suggesting, and they don't see anything wrong with it whatsoever. They should have been horrified by this suggestion.

And keep in mind: This all happens after Thad killed the clone and almost killed Max and Bart. Helen knew of both altercations. She knows how brutal and vicious he can get. She knows that Thad is quick to violence, so why isn't she more concerned? Wouldn't she be at least a little scared that Thad might kill Bart because he can't control his brutal urges again? The only resonable explanation I can find is that she doesn't care about Bart. That's why she let's this happen, that's why she allows Thad to emotionally abuse Bart and call him names right in front of her eyes. She never makes Thad apologize for what he does to Bart, not even once. I don't like accusing her of favoritism, but that is what it looks like. Seeing how dispicable Thad's actions and words are is not that hard. Helen should have noticed by now. Jay isn't much better in this. He watched until Thad hit Bart so hard that he fainted and collapsed. I know that I couldn't stand idly by while watching a kid beat up another kid until he lost his conciousness and still feel like a good person.

If you think that we've hit rock bottom yet with this scene, think again.. Jay's and Helen's complete lack of concern makes Bart's actions seem like this was a healthy, acceptable way of helping people deal with their anger. That this is something normal in a sibling relationship. Worse, that offering someone to hurt you so that they can relieve their anger is something that is expected of you. A relationship where one part is expected to take responsibility for the other's negative emotions is a twisted, damaging one. You get what this is saying? "Someone's anger justifies them hurting and beating you up." This is just as bad as "abuse justifies abuse" (Which is also being taught here.) God, those are terrible, atrocious morals to teach to people. What Helen should have done with Thad the moment he moved in with them was taking him to an anger management class and getting him a good therapist, not ignore/encourage Thad's abusive tendencies.

Jay sat down at the table. "He's not as mean as his brother though. That kid...For his own grandfather to make him like that..." Jay shook his head with a frown. "If I ever get a chance to meet that man..." He clenched his fist on the table. "I hope I never do."

"Same here", Helen replied.

Seems like Thad's not the only one who takes a liking to being hypocritical and two-faced. This makes total sense, talk about poor Thad and all the abuse he went trough, but completely ignore the fact that he is abusing and actively inflicting pain on Bart right now. They're furious about what Thawne did to Thad, but when Thad does the same things to Bart it's totally okay and fair. In case you couldn't tell, this is a shit moral. Stop trying to justify abuse by saying that the abuser has been trough a lot and just needs an outlet. Having been abused does not give Thad the right to ruin Bart's life. It does not give him the permission to be a toxic jerk to him. He should be held accountable for his actions. Abuse doesn't justify abuse.

Chapter: 18

"So, you don't know anything on how to properly maintain it." Thad snorted and rolled his eyes. "Wonderful. Do you know where engineering is? Take me there. I'll do what you neglected to do and actually learn about the mechanics of this ship." Bart opted to ignore Thad's nasty tone, brushing it aside as just how Thad talked.

....................................

"If I'll get lonely, I'll come visit." Thad snidely assured. Not wanting to listen to another degrogatory rant, Bart decided to just let Thad find the room on his own.

This is critizising and judging and a put down, delivered with a very very condescending tone and manner. Do me a favor and take a shot everytime you read the sentences "Thad snorted" or Thad rolled his eyes." You'll be drunk in no time, trust me. Bart has been exposed to Thad's emotional abuse so long that at this point he is willing to accept Thad's verbal abuse as normal.

Chapter: 19

Thad:"They probably got distracted by with something shiny."

Thanks again Thad, for enforcing hurtful insults and exaggerated stereotypes about people with ADHD.

Thad:"Moron! Can't you come up with something that simple?"

Again with the name calling and the put down linked to Bart's ADHD.

"He's a nuisance" grumbled Thad.

"Not that I've had much first hand experience, but that's what siblings generally are, from what I've heard."

"So wanting to strangle Bart is normal?" Cissi laughed. "Everyone's wanted to strangle Bart at one point or another. That's just him."

Oh now it all makes sense! It's Bart's own fault for being abused because he's so annoying! Remember folks, if you've been abused, it's your own fault. If you hadn't been so burdensome, they wouldn't have treated you this way. They can't be responsible for their actions, it has to be you! How can we expect them to control their impulses and get a handle on their anger? That really would be too much to ask of them. The victim is to blame for being abused, that's obviously the logical conclusion here, right? God I hate this fic so much.

This whole conversation serves one purpose: Normalizing and rationalizing Thad's repugnant behavior towards Bart. Look! This is how healthy sibling relationships work! This is how they're supposed to be! Except not really.

This conservation is actually very cleverly done, because it only shows Thad's oppinion while stimuntaneously making it seem like Cissi agrees with his values about relationships when she's really not. They're coming from two completely different points of views, but that is concealed here.

Starting with the "He's a nuisance."

"That's what siblings generally are."

I get her statement, there will be many times when one can get annoyed with their sibling and not find themselves in an abusive relationship. Every sibling pair fights and argues, that's in the nature of things. It only gets problematic when that's literally the only thing you do. When the only thing you are to each other is an annoyance and someone to get mad at. When every encounter with them ends in hurtful words and accusations. Indicating that your brother/sister is sometimes a nuisance in a playful, teasing way is fairly common in healthy sibling relationships. "Those 5 minutes before you were born? Haha, those were the best 5 minutes of my life." Something like this is normal. The problem here? Thad doesn't mean what he says in a sarcastic or playful way. He's completely serious with this. This is all he sees in Bart. An annoying idiot who always stands in his way. There's no sympathy and no compassion for Bart. Only unjustified resentment and hatred. See, in a positive brother or sister relationship the individuels really love each other. Despite the jokes they sometimes make about not wanting the other around, they see more in their sibling than an annoyance. Thad doesn't, and that's what Cissi misunderstands. Thad is dead serious about his feelings towards Bart in this conversation. All he sees in Bart is a nuisance he has to tolerate. He has nothing but contempt for him. He doesn't try to see more in him than that. Thad has no right to complain about Bart. He has been nothing but nice to him. Despite all the shit he put Bart through, despite Bart still tolerating and trying to support Thad in every way he could, Thad somehow still has the audacity, the arrogance to make himself out to be the victim in this situation. Thad is an abusive jerk to him, if anyone has the right to vent, it's Bart.

Moving on to the "So wanting to strangle him is normal?" argument. Feeling a desire to hurt your sibling 24/7 just for existing isn't normal. Cissi means what she say in a more playful, harmless way. None of Bart's friends would go through with harming Bart because he was annoying them. There's a big difference between wanting to do something, and actually doing something. Moreover, Cissi doesn't get that Thad would like to hurt Bart all the time and not only when he was being annoying. Thad wants to hurt Bart even when he is nice to him. Thad means it in a "If Bart looks im my direction one more time I might strangle him and I really don't care if I accidently suffocate him and he dies." Cissi doesn't. Thad is aggressive and violent to him for absolute no reason. The emotions Thad feels towards Bart aren't normal, not in the least. Stop trying to justify his abusive behavior.

And, I think this goes without saying, hurting someone solely because they're annoying you isn't okay, either.

[the-ghost-king]

You're definitely not dumb and you're not wrong persay, I've experienced that as well... I've got✨problems✨ and often I feel that me and the things around me aren't real

For example, if I break a vase how many more exist just like it? If I break it will it replace itself without assistance? Do I have to return another one to its place? Or on another hand if I go for a walk through my neighborhood I feel like maybe the houses aren't real... Like if I took a big deep breath they would all blow down like little cardboard stage props, and if I dug my fists into the ground and pulled the grass up it would be strands of finely cut and dyed plastic.. When I look at my hands are my hands me? Or am I truly the thing which exists beneath my hands? If I pull the skin of my body would I unearth my true self? What if the thing within me isn't me either and instead a large robot controlled by other small people?

And sometimes if I think too long those things start to become real... I can't tell where the line between depersonalization, derealization, paranoia and delusions begin, but I know I'm not quite right in the head 24/7

So although I understand what your talking about entirely, and I also understand how you could confuse what I was saying as the same thing... That's not quite what I'm getting at

Basically this was more a reference to "if I write words on a page and they're insignificant in comparison to who I truly am, am I comfortable being known to someone as those words? Or do I wish to be seen in a more 3d manner beyond the person I've portrayed?" or something more similar to that idea... Basically I was (and maybe am? Idk I'm putting this post in queue) super depressed and trying to distract myself so I was scrolling through my blog and awestruck at how happy I seemed over things? I remember not necessarily being happy when I wrote those things, content yes, not happy, and it was so weird to see myself from a different time during the middle of what is probably a psychotic break (whoohoo 2x this month!)

It didn't feel like I was reading me, it felt like I was looking into the world of someone else, and I was struck by the fact that the self I externally put out is so different from the truth of how I treat myself and the way in which I process thoughts... I come across generally lighthearted and joyful to others yet that is not anything like the narrative in my head, I simply believe in being kind and putting good into the world yet I sit and can think of nothing but my own faults and failures and I simply despise my self to my very core for the same faults I wouldn't have any negative emotion towards in someone else

Basically I had a psychotic break today (well, yesterday now) and other people seen it (which has never happened before) and it was weird that they were firstly seeing how my brain really works towards myself because I am not that person towards anyone else, and it was weird to scroll through my blog and see posts I made that seemingly held a different emotion despite the fact that I was in fact still full of "self hatred" when writing them...

I don't think I have the ability to command words in a way that allows me to show my emotion on this situation properly, but it's worth a shot?

You ever just read things you wrote? Or look at things you've made? And you feel like you're looking through a window at a ghost who is simply a projection of something they aren't and you aren't entirely sure if the personality you project is you or who you want to be, and you're not really sure who you are but all you know is that nothing is large enough to contain the multitudes of yourself but everything is also too big and you're drowning in the space of the noise around you? Or are you normal?