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youremyheaven · 11 months ago

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Jupiter Dominant Women & Daddy Issues

TW: mentions of rape, abuse, suicide etc

Over the years of my studies, I have noticed that its Jupiter dominant women who tend to have daddy issues more than any other planetary dominance. Solar women (Uttarashada, Uttaraphalguni & Krittika) tend to benefit from positive male influence in their early life, so they have healthy Yang qualities (they're driven, self-motivated, critical thinking) whereas women who haven't had a healthy male influence in their early lives, either develop a heightened but fragile femininity (understood in a very traditional way, this means being passive and excessively reliant on others to get by, I know this is misogynistic but i am talking strictly about a traditional notion of femininity) or they cultivate inner masculinity.

Jupiter is a masculine planet and across the naks of Punarvasu, Vishaka and Purvabhadrapada, women tend to have a very unguarded, open, almost masculine presence. I mean this in terms of what they talk about or how self-assured they seem, traditionally women were expected to be more withdrawn or to talk little. I don't mean to say Jupiterian women are brash or aggressive, they're very poised, and elegant and put across their point eloquently. They're 9/10 times very well-spoken. When one lacks the security of a male figure early in life, one tends to cultivate inner masculinity because it's understood that you cannot rely on any man.

Caroline Polachek, Punarvasu Moon, has spoken about her difficult relationship with her father on numerous occasions. Here's a link to a post where she talks about it. Her lack of a father figure in her own words caused her to be "self-sufficient". Notice how in the post, she speaks about making amends with him later in life and even ended the post with "love you dad". This is the kind of generosity that you don't see from most other nakshatra types. To forgive someone who was never there for you/abused you/hurt you/caused you immense pain, requires a great deal of strength and maturity and not everybody has it. Punarvasu's innate nature is to absorb everything into its orbit and always be the bigger person. Due to the vast, abundant nature of Jupiter, they are ABLE to, accept these people for all their contradictions and see them as flawed, which makes it easier to forgive them. Most people let their traumas define their identity (im not saying traumas don't shape you, only about the kind of perception most people have about their own traumas) and spend their whole lives blaming others for who they've become or what they've done to them. To live a peaceful life, one has to take the high road, look beyond everything and see it as a part of life. It sounds very callous when I say it like that but that's what I mean. Not everyone is capable of being the bigger person or taking the high road.

Jupiter is the guru or teacher and how would one describe an ideal teacher? Someone who forgives the mistakes of their students as having risen out of immaturity and forgives them for not knowing better or being better. A teacher is forced to operate on a higher moral plane than others simply because chaos would descend if the teacher came down to the level of others. They are figures of wisdom, knowledge and higher learning, therefore their behaviour has to reflect the same. Jupiter natives are harshly punished for behaving in ways that are not fit for a "guru" because subconsciously society/those around them subject them to a different standard. Others can do the same exact thing and not suffer any consequences but when a Jupiter native behaves that way, they're ostracized. People kind of expect them to have it all together or be better. Any lapse on their part is judged harshly.

One of the biggest mysteries is how Jupiter natives emerge from often brutally abusive and neglectful childhoods into relatively well-adjusted adults. In the case of famous parent-child situations, there is public proof of their wrongdoing but in numerous other instances many do not believe Jupiter natives to have suffered the way they have or to the extent they have simply because on the outside they seem to have it all/seem so put together. This is yet another manifestation of Jupiter's duality and this not being believed/seen for who they are/how they've lived can be a source of pain/grief for some of these natives whilst others like to pretend it never happened and present a very positive view of their life. They don't hold grudges and often simply overlook the horrible nature of their loved ones, especially their parents and try to make amends with them.

Drew Barrymore, Punarvasu Moon, comes from a very famous family of actors but her father John Barrymore was a violent alcoholic and a drug addict who abandoned her & her mother when she was a child. She did not have any relationship with him and seldom spoke to him until he was diagnosed with cancer. She took care of him and even paid his medical bills until he passed away in 2004. Here's an IG post where she talks about her dad. It's so touching to see the compassion with which Punarvasu natives talk about people who've hurt them so much (in her memoir, Drew recalls how one time her father picked her up as a three-year-old and threw her against the wall). Truly, I don't see this level of kindness in any other nakshatra if I'm being honest. This is a photograph of her with Steven Spielberg who directed her in E.T when she was 7 years old, he's kind of a godfather figure to her and she apparently asked him to be her dad when she was a kid 🥺🥺

I also think Jupiter natives have a complicated relationship with their mothers as well, sometimes they're extremely close but other times, I think Jupiter natives feel the need to be their mother's saviour because they know how much she's gone through in her life. This manifests itself in a very complicated relationship. There is love but there is also a lot of bitterness.

Drew Barrymore has a very complicated relationship with her mother, who used to date the men Drew dated, pushed her into acting and exploited her as a child and admitted her to a psych ward when she was 12 among other things. Drew still takes care of her financially and has mentioned that her mother has even tried to steal money from her.

Charlotte Gainsbourg, Punarvasu Moon is the daughter of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin. Her parents separated when she was a child and she lived with her father. In 1984, she did a duet with her father and starred in the music video for a song called Lemon Incest which describes an incestuous relationship between father & daughter. She was 12 years old at the time.

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The music video is creepy, to say the least and features both of them half-naked in bed together. In 1986 when she was 14, she starred with her father in a movie called Charlotte For Ever which is about an alcoholic man whose only link to life is his daughter (Serge was an alcoholic). She has spoken about how difficult the filming experience was for her as he would push her to her extremes.

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Here's a very uncomfortable clip of him kissing her on the mouth when she wins a Cesar. She is 16 years old.

Jane Birkin commented on the song saying "It never came as a shock or a surprise or even a worry [to her], knowing Serge's great love for Charlotte". Many believe that Birkin enabled Serge's abuse of their daughter since she left him due to his alcoholism and violence but left Charlotte in his care. She has also stated that her mother would always dress her up as a little boy when she was a child and that this complicated her relationship with her femininity.

Charlotte has only ever said good things about both her parents and denied any abuse.

She's also starred in multiple films directed by Lars Von Trier where she plays gruesome sexually depraved characters and Lars is well known for being difficult to work with. She has said that she sought fatherly approval from him ._. and again has only said good things about him.

Kali Uchis, Punarvasu Sun, Vishaka Moon & Rising has spoken about being abused as a child and that she no longer maintains contact with her family. She was kicked out of the house when she was 17 and slept in her car and worked at a supermarket for years to support herself.

Halsey, Punarvasu Moon. She grew up poor and has spoken about her difficult childhood, both she & her mother suffer from bipolar disorder and in her song Whispers she sings “Why do you need love so badly?/ Bet it's bеcause of her daddy." In the Armchair Expert podcast, she said that she has both "mommy and daddy issues".

Mariah Carey, Punarvasu Moon, has published a very revealing memoir about her life where she chronicles the abuse she experienced from her family. She had a moderately good relationship with her dad but was estranged from him as an adult. Her mother however continually exploited her for money.

Miley Cyrus, Vishaka Moon has a complicated relationship with both her parents. Currently, she's not on speaking terms with her father after he married a woman around Miley's age.

Beyonce, Vishaka Moon has been performing since she was a child and was in a girl group Destiny's Child which was managed by her father. She dropped him as her manager in 2011 and in the same year, his divorce from her mother was also finalized. He had apparently fathered a love child with another woman in 2009 and this was the reason for their divorce. Some speculate that they are now estranged but in typical Jupiter fashion, she has never bad-mouthed him in public. Jupiter natives do not air their dirty laundry in public ever. Their grace and dignity even in the face of extreme humiliation/shame/pressure is commendable.

Jennie, Vishaka Moon is very close to her mother but she's never mentioned her father in the 8 years since her debut. In the Blackpink documentary, she said that growing up it was just her and her mom. In this interview she spoke about living with her mother and how she never got a chance to spend much time at home as she was sent to boarding school at 8 years old. She remarks that she and her mom are like sisters but she's never said anything about her relationship with her dad, ever. I am not going to assume that they have a bad relationship but I thought it would be interesting to mention.

Demi Moore, Vishaka Sun

Moore was born to a 19-year-old mother and her biological father left before she was born. The actress' mom remarried a man who worsened her problems with alcohol, which led to violence and instability. The family moved many times throughout Moore's childhood and when she was 17, her stepfather committed suicide. In the early '80s, she embarked on her acting career and helped her mother stay in rehab throughout the years. In 1997, her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer and she reunited with her in the final months before her death.

Lily Collins, Purvabhadrapada Sun

Lily had a strained relationship with her dad growing up“Because my dad was often gone, I never wanted to do anything that would make him stay away even longer,” she wrote. “I became extra careful about what I said and how I said it, afraid he'd think I was angry or didn't love him"

She penned an open letter that said: "I forgive you for not being the dad I expected. But it's not too late”.

Alia Bhatt, Purvabhadrapada Sun has said that growing up she saw very little of her filmmaker father Mahesh Bhatt who is known in the media for being a very problematic figure. He once posed for a magazine cover in the 90s with his daughter Pooja Bhatt where they're kissing on the lips (Pooja is Alia's half-sister) and said that he would have married her if she weren't his daughter 🤮🤮Mahesh is known for being a very temperamental man (you'll be hard pressed to find a video of him not screaming) and it's quite well known that he and Alia's mother had a pretty rocky marriage that her mother could not leave as she was financially dependent on him. Her sister, Shaheen Bhatt has talked about struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies since she was a child.

Rekha, Purvabhadrapada Moon is the illegitimate child of actors Gemini Ganesan and Pushpavalli. Her father was already married to another woman when she was born. He refused to accept the paternity of Rekha and her sister Radha and she grew up in the same city that her father and his "legitimate" family lived in and attended the same school as her half-siblings where she occasionally saw glimpses of him dropping his other kids to school. She has stated that growing up she was called a "bastard" and that the only male figure in her life was "God". She made her debut as an actress when she was 13 against her wishes because her family had fallen on bad times and she had to work to support her 6 siblings and ill mother.

This interview of hers offers a glimpse into her early life. Regardless of what she's been through, Rekha has always been stoic and conducted herself with immense grace and dignity even when she received an award from her father who was never a part of her life. She said this in response:

“Why should I grieve for him when he’s so much part of me? Why should I grieve when I’m so grateful for his genes, his teachings, his rich life and his sheer existence? Grieve for what??!! I’m happy I didn’t have to share unpleasant moments with him. He existed for me in my imagination. And that’s so much more beautiful than reality. Everything I love is unqualified by worldly time constraints. I’m just a small link in the larger scheme of things. I’m not the first one to go through death, nor am I the first one to receive an award. I’m enjoying everything that comes my way…good bad or ugly. I try to make good use of what life’s experiences offer. I think I’ve done a good job of my life, whatever others may think.”

The Jupiterean ability to always look at the bright side and forgive people who don't deserve your forgiveness is heart-breaking but enlightening at the same time.

Rita Hayworth, Purvabhadrapada Moon confided in her husband Orson Welles that she was sexually abused by her father as a child and had been repeatedly raped by him.

Elexus Jionde aka Intelexual Media, Punarvasu Moon has mentioned that she's estranged from her father.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Punarvasu Rising & stellium has spoken about being emotionally and physically abused by his parents especially his father who would beat him up. They also abused him because they thought he was gay due to his preoccupation with the male physique (he wanted to be a bodybuilder and would later become Mr World).

Keanu Reeves, Punarvasu Moon has been estranged from his father for the majority of his life. Charles Reeves abandoned the family when Keanu was 3 yrs old.

Kaia Gerber, Purvabhadrapada Moon has like most other Jupiter natives kept a low profile and seldom spoken about her personal life and has only ever said nice things about her parents. Her father Rande Gerber has been accused of sexual harassment by multiple women and there have been blind items about Cindy putting Kaia on a calorie deficit diet since she was a child to prepare her for a modelling career (this is awfully common among celebrities so I don't even think this is a stretch). When Kaia was 7 years old, her parents were threatened with a picture of her, barely clothed being gagged and bound. It was said that the picture was taken by a female babysitter during a game of cops and robbers because she wanted to prank the Gerbers by pretending to kidnap Kaia (sincerely, wtf) but there have been conspiracy theories that perhaps Kaia was abused by her parents and this picture was leaked from their collection. Anyway the matter has been settled and it feels wrong for me to speculate too much but I thought I'd mention it anyway.

Asia Argento, Purvabhadrapa Moon, is the daughter of filmmaker Dario Argento and has said that she never saw her father as a child and had no kind of relationship with him until she started acting in his movies when she was 16. She said "I never acted out of ambition; I acted to gain my father's attention. It took a long time for him to notice me. … And he only became my father when he was my director."

Her characters in his movies were undressed, raped and generally psychologically traumatised on screen. She once said:

"But I always had this feeling of never being a part of anything, not even of my family. My parents forgot about me. I did everything I could to get their attention."

Chyler Leigh, Vishaka Moon. Her parents divorced when she was 12, following which she was estranged from her father for many years. Her mother moved her to LA when she was a teenager so that she could pursue an acting career. At 15 years old she starred in a movie called Kickboxing Academy as her biological brother's love interest (he was 19). She is said to have been manipulated into doing so by her mother. She has said in a recent interview that she's been estranged from her mother for over 20 years and that like her mother, she too suffers from bipolar disorder. She said, "Because I was put in a position to support my mother, I didn't get the opportunity to speak about my own feelings when I was in my teens." She moved out of her mother's house to live with her then-boyfriend and now husband Nathan West.

Han So Hee, Vishaka Sun was in the news when her mother using her name to borrow bank loans and her debt became public news. Its very rare to hear about the private life of a celebrity in Korea but Sohee came forward to clear things and said her parents divorced when she was 5 following which she was raised by her maternal grandmother with whom she lived until she was in highschool. She's estranged from both her parents and only realized that her mother had been in debt after she turned 18. She found out that her mother had been borrowing money under her name illegally ever since she was a minor. She paid off this debt and apologized to everybody concerned.

IU, Purvabhadrapada Moon grew up in poverty. Her family fell into debt and she was raised by her grandmother who could barely take care of her and her brother. She saw little of her parents growing up. Its unclear how close they are now.

I realize just how many of them are nepo babies lol but I'm kinda glad because it means so much of their life is on public record. Its really unfortunate to see that so many of these natives had absent fathers or fathers who were present in their lives and very abusive.

#Youtube #jupiter #vedic astrology #vedic chart #vedic astro observations #vedic astro notes #vedic astro #jyotish #vedicwisdom #purva bhadrapada #punarvasu #vishaka #astroblr #astrology

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in-halingstardust · 7 months ago

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Hiiii congrats on your milestone!!! Here's to more in the future!!! may I have a match up? Super spicy edition!!! I am afab pussy boobs and all (I use they/them but they're optional!!) with a preference to guys but girls are great too!! For Kinks I don't like my partner being mean to me (very sensitive person emotionally) but I don't want them being too gentle either!! I can handle rough treatment but they should still be mindful of my limits and stop if things have gone too far since I can't tell my limits either 😅 (which is a discussion I had multiple times with my partner) So basically a service Dom through and through. Im a bit of a tease but not a brat so my partner doesn't have to worry about that LMAO

A very important thing to note is that I also very much enjoy monster fucking JDJEJEJWJW okay that's all!!

I FORGOT TO QUE OMG SORRY ANON!

Also monster fucking is also one of my favorite pastimes *cough* hyperfixations *cOUgh* i mean- stories I enjoy reading hehe. I think I'm going to write a small drabble other than your request one day so be on the look out for that this is just a taste! ₊⊹♡

I'm going to pair you with Aventurine!

Aventurine has always been a high stakes gambler. The smaller the odds the higher the payout. A ride or die type of high that you could never get enough of.

Your relationship to the public dazzles like diamonds under spotlights. The way he buys you imitation flowers handcrafted from gems and blown glass, the way you’re always adorned in gold necklaces and earrings as he holds you close by the waist.

What are you thinking of, my lucky girl? He whispers, hand caressing your thigh underneath the betting table throwing a handful of chips in. He’s not even counting the value but the gasps coming across the table means it must be a hefty amount. You promised if he won big you let him do anything to you tonight.

Anything.

It’s a win, red 37, the number of credits keep going up and up. You’ve never seen that many zeros before in your life.

❥ You promised and now it’s time for fun~. Aventurine says behind closed doors, leaving bruised kisses from your jaw down to your collarbone. A sign of possession. He’s not gentle in the least, not that you mind. The way he opens you up with his fingers cooing at the sight of you struggling to take another one. He likes it when you're sucking on your mess after you cum.

❥ Overstimulated, broken a mess on the bed is the state you currently at when he truly starts to appropriately ‘fuck your brains out’.

↪You see the crackling of Preservation run through him through bleary eyes. The way his body grows and become more full, his voice having the tingle of mania behind it as he lines up to thrust fully into you.

↪It’s bigger than ever before, you're almost glad for the amount of times you came before as he stretches you out more than your body should take.

❥ Fucking you is a different story as he grips your wrists before slamming back into you. Your body is in rhythm with his the entire night.

#.inhalingthoughts #honkai star rail smut #hsr smut #hsr aventurine #aventurine smut #aventurine x reader #you will def see more aventurine fics from me #i actually got some in drafts

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melancholiaincarnate · 8 months ago

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hell-bent

warnings: brief descriptions of pain and injuries

note: helloo :3 this is another little ficlet to this fic . im going to make a series masterlist - eventually - but i cannot be bothered to do so right now. anyways - if u wanna see more of them lmk or send in requests hehehehehe

"oh she is the cutest!" feyre swoons, her arms extending towards the child that's hiding behind temperance.

"say hi, piper." you look down and behind your legs to where the girl is clutching onto your pant thighs. though she's got a small fear in her eyes, she still peeks out slightly, taking in the view of your family. five very intense pairs of eyes stare back at her. "it's okay, pip." you whisper, "they're my family."

"hello everyone." she says softly, her voice no higher than the squeak of a small kitchen mouse. "where's azzy?" she questions, looking up and big eyes stare at you.

rhys looks at feyre, a knowing smirk playing upon his face, and a matching one on hers. they've both got that look in their eyes that they get when they're communicating through the bond - you roll your eyes knowing that they're never going to let azriel live down the nickname.

"he'll be here soon. he's just a little busy right now." you smooth down her hair with a gentle hand and she frowns, stepping behind you more as cassian approaches, a grin on his features.

"since when do you have a kid?" he questions, crouching down to eye level with piper. he cranes his neck to attempt to see her but she tucks herself behind you even more. "ooh! lemme guess the father. lemme guess - it's az, isn't it! i always knew you two were fucking."

"she's not mine. and watch your mouth." you huff, kicking cassian lightly and he topples over. "remember the mission rhys sent me on?" cassian nods from his spot on the floor. "i found her." you wince at your choice of words - you definitely could've phrased that better. piper seems to be unaffected by your words, instead choosing to let her shadows sniff out cassian.

"what do you mean you found her? you can't just take people's kids, dude. that's super illegal." cassian scoffs, "how do you 'find' a kid and just take her? rhys, that has to be illegal-" he sits up, but his eyes furrow as he sees little tendrils of black whirling around his arms. "isn't that-"

"there's another shadowsinger in velaris." rhys muses from his spot at the table. "we thought it best for her to come here and train here with our shadowsinger."

"so you just.. took her?" cassian looks bewildered, "dude.. this high lord shit has to have some rules to it. you can't just take kids!" he stands up, stretching, before peeking around your legs to see pip staring back at him. "hi." he grins, "i'm cassian." then, he bends down to whisper, "i'm kind of the coolest one here. everyone else here sucks."

"pip, don't listen to him. he's a moron." you sigh and hear little giggles from behind you, whispers of shadows trailing up your arms. there was one shadow though, that stayed nestled in your neck. it didn't belong to the girl, no, it was one of azriel's shadows that had seemed to take a strong liking to you and preferred you over its master.

"you're very silly mr. cassian." she comments, peeking out a little more. you're grateful for cassian's resolve and the things he's seen - you don't know what you'd do if he made piper feel any worse about her current condition. you don't know what azriel would do if he found out that someone dared look at piper with disgust.

piper steps out and the inner circle holds their breaths. her left eye has a deep scratch on it that stretches from her eyebrow to right underneath her eye. it seems to be healing well, but it settles painfully in everyone's gut to see such a large scar on a pure face.

the rest of her face is filled with smaller scratches. thankfully ones that won't scar. no one's seen it yet - but if piper turned around there would be a missing pair of wings on her back.

no one comments. based on the way cassian and rhys look - they're ready to kill whoever did this to this girl, and they'd only known her for less than an hour. even nesta, normally cold-faced, looks full of anger.

piper pulls on your pant leg and points to the table. you hold her hand and her limping does not go unnoticed by your family. she's relearning to walk without the weight of her wings - and feyre's eyes widen once she realizes.

piper's movements are stiff and the table is silent. for the first time in years, the entire house is silent.

conversation starts up as you help pile food onto piper's plate. despite her condition, her eyes still sparkle with glee. as soon as she puts her first spoon in her mouth, the door to the dining room opens and piper turns quickly,.

"azzy!" everyone is blown back by how loud her shriek is. they're even more surprised at how fast she manages to sprint across the dining room and into azriel's arms, despite her condition. "you came back!"

he picks her up, balancing her on one hip with ease. "told ya i would, pip." his voice is soft as he pats the top of her head. their shadows intertwine and zip around the two of them, as if they were doing their own catching up. "did you do your training today?"

"i did!" her movements have caught up to her and she leans against his legs for support, her breathing becoming labored. he notices, and shadows come to swirl around her legs, ready to catch her if she falls. "i walked all the way down the stairs today! by myself!"

the inner circle watches in awe as the shy little girl they'd just seen exploded into personality at the sight of the quiet and stoic spymaster. rhys smiles to himself - he knew that bringing the girl here was a good idea.

"that's great progress, pip." azriel's voice is laced with exhaustion. his eyes finally catch yours - but only because he felt the pool of your emotions in his chest. he nods softly at you, once to tell you he's okay, and he watches your shoulders relax. "tomorrow we're going to go to the healer's again. she wants to -" azriel glances at the inner court, "she wants to check up on you."

"okay." she smiles, "maybe we can walk there! and i can do it by myself this time!"

"i think you can do it, pip." azriel hums, "how about we go eat? i'm starving." he looks up at you, and smiles again, "and then we can go back to your room and finish that puzzle." "yes!" piper nods quickly, "yes, please!" she holds onto azriel's hand for support, and doesn't flinch when her hands touch his marred ones.

azriel sits between you and piper, his eyes watching every single person at the table as they interact with the girl. they may be his family, but if one person - even his own brothers, made a wrong move, he'd flip the table over. his protection for the girl ran deep - so much so that it worries him.

his shadows whisper that it's alright - his protection is justified. they whisper he'll never have to act to protect her, they'll do it for him. and they whisper that if he does have to act, it'll be justified. they whisper to him that the carnage he'd bring for this girl is justified.

so azriel lets his worries go. they're right.

#acotar azriel x reader #acotar x reader #acotar x you #azriel x reader #azriel x you

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foundfamily-connoisseur · 2 months ago

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Cramps are krampusing so uhhh my thoughts on these dudes as romantic partners and additional explanation cuz why not

Explanation in order of chart

Doc Louis:

have you seen how much he cares for his boy? Absolutely doting and will always find a way to make time for you. Honestly the only thing you'd need to talk to him with is balancing time together as partners and his own time as Macs dad i mean coach

Piston Hondo:

super respectful and he seems very communicative and willing to talk about whatever issues you two may have in a relationship(although i doubt you'd have many). He's not as obsessed with his position in boxing as some of the other folks, which means of course he'll make time for you and would enjoy doing things you'd like to do(even if it isn't his personal cup of tea)

Don Flamenco:

He's a Spaniard. Love and romance is his whole thing if he sucks at that literally what is he here for. I think if there was an issue it'd be how petty he can be(less with you and more on personal vendettas/grudges with other folks), nothing serious tho

Bald Bull:

Ok ik he has anger issues and maybe it's the biases talking but he literally only gets mad when ppl are all up in his face. Only difference between him and me is I just start bawling when that happens lmao.

I think he's the only one with bigger problems in the "good partner" section but he gets higher up because if he isn't bombarded with the paparazzi he's literally chill. Nice sweet and domestic scene me thinks

Bear Hugger:

He would prolly rank higher but I feel he's the type to be a bit dense. Nothing enough to be a major problem but you gotta spell out some things to him sometimes lol. Maybe a bit more rowdy/"dirty" than preferred, but outside of that he's a 10/10

Disco Kid:

Just nothing remarkable tbh. For sure sweet and attentive but he might be coming home late from a party (and it really will just be him losing track of time but sometimes you gotta go 🤨 😒 and give him an earful). Only fault would be his overt friendliness that might lead to others thinking he's flirting and he doesn't get it till you pull him aside and tell him and he's like OHHHHHHHH my bad lol

Glass Joe:

I probs should've ranked him higher lmao idk why he's there. I think the only thing I could fault him on is his innate stubbornness cuz no way is that only staying in the ring. It isn't that he'll fight with you on everything but he has a few select things that are his way or the high way and it just he like that.

Von Kaiser:

Look at him. He is filled to the brim with issues. I feel like his PTSD or whatever we want to assume he has gets to him a fair bit. Again I doubt it'll ever escalate to violence but there are times where it really does affect his ability to communicate or do things. Its assuredly a talk you two need to have and something you need to understand getting into the relationship. Also please get him into therapy I think that'll help but he's 42 I don't think he believes in that.

Mr. Sandman:

he'd be a fine boyfriend for sure, maybe a bit stoic in public with the occasional discrete smile here or there, but his anger issues are so much worse chat. Like he clearly values his position as world champion that when he lost it he wrecked a BUILDING!!!!

Im not going to say anyone here would be violent towards you but that man might punch walls or some shit. More than likely just absolutely obliterate his punching bag. His obsession might cause issues in your relationship that could lead to neglect on his behalf. You are for sure fighting with him on talking it out but he's sweet outside of that. If I had to move him he might teeter onto the rank below but the others are just worse so he gets saved there i suppose.

Great Tiger:

He just seems full of himself. Not as bad as SMM but enough that you'd argue with him from time to time. I feel like he'd use his clones to play silly pranks and they're fine until one day he does it when you're super tense and you end up yelling at him. His biggest sin is just not understanding what's funny to him could be annoying to you. It might take an outburst to set him straight than a one to one talk, though

Super Macho Man:

Does he treat the women he's with well? Yeah of course! At least when it comes to spending dough on them. He doesn't seem like the type to want a relationship in the first place, and if he does it's very brief since he's always looking for someone hotter than the last(or whoever is the most eager). If there is a genuine relationship, he thinks that gifts can supplement any other aspect to a relationship beyond showing you off, and would get mad that you ask him for a little quality time once in a while(like shut up he literally bought you a Porsche what more could you want????)

Also I'm going to be so real here if he doesn't think you're up to snuff looks wise he's going to be a bit of an ass. Mostly it's just him being more willing to push you aside for events and stuff because he considers you to be "lucky" that he's even sparing a minute of his time with you. Then surprised Pikachu face when you leave

Aran Ryan:

Who started this list I'm sorry chat but his ass is NOT ready for a relationship. What you get from this man is an emotionally stunted mess who can't process his own emotions beyond anger, much less yours. He either is dismissive of you at best or if he loves you completely still sucks because he doesn't know how to deal with those kinds of feelings.

He'd be possessive but not in the cute way; someone can look at you for a moment too long and he's bashing their skull in. Like it can even get to the point where he's iffy about any male friendships as a result.

Additionally that man can't process emotions for the life of him. I just feel like if he's sad he's the type to suppress it and ignore it via boxing or literally anything else until it catches up with him years later. As a result, you can literally tell him your grandpa died and he'd be like "damn" and go on with his day. Of course he feels absolutely fucking horrible for you but he assumes that his way of dealing with his problems is the way you should do it since ignoring problems = problems don't exist anymore.

Obviously, this does not work and you just end up fighting/crying. Genuinely he just doesn't seem ready for any kind of relationship and I don't think he thinks therapy is real or is the type to say it's for sissys or something.

On that note he's got a bit of misogyny to him(his quotes are not slay girlbosses) that are only not worse because his sister beats him straight.

Would he cheat? Eh. If it started off as a hook up or something than I just think he'd forget he's even in a relationship tbh. If he's actually in love absolutely not he's got standards sometimes

Soda Popinski:

I flip back and forth on where I'd place him because he seems fine overall, but of course it's his vice that does him in. It's more of a matter on how much you think his soda vice impacts his life, especially with Title Defense mode where he's super serumed with it. He's absolutely coming back home every day sloshed and you can only put up with that for so long. It's a balance act of his good character outside of his vice and the vice itself.

Donkey Kong: that is a gorilla. Ideally no one wants to date said gorilla.

Little Mac: he's aromantic to me chat he signed it to me himself.

I JUST REALIZED I DIDNT PUT KING HIPPO SHIT:

yeah nothing remarkable to him. At most yall are going to argue about how much money he spends on food but tbf you knew what to expect in this relationship idk why you're so surprised.

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mandalhoerian · 1 month ago

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deep in my lads brainrot & i randomly decided to watch some things in japanese because i really like the voice actors and know a little bit of japanese . just for the hell of it. "lets see how different the localization is" i said. and OMG im just rewatching the sea of golden sand and

you know how amund is going "your quintessence" this "your quintessence" that? so respectful and everything?

NONE OF THAT IN JAPANESE. BRO IS SO RUDE AND PATRONIZING TO RAFAYEL LIKE ACTUALLY LOOKS DOWN ON HIM, even the voice is reflecting this. in english you'd think he's a subject wanting the best for his sea god but the japanese amund uses "omae" when addressing rafayel, which is SO RUDE. there are like, quite a lot of ways to say "you" in japanese and this is like at the top of the list of no-no. it's overly familiar and informal if its not rude. this is NOT the way to address someone you respect or see on a higher position than yourself. the suffixes of respect are also missing, there is no keigo (honorfic speech). he truly talks from the place of an angered "elder".

speaking of pronouns, rafayel never addresses the mc as "your highness" like he does it over and over again in the english dub. he says "kimi", which is a casual and often used towards someone of equal or lower status, commonly by males towards females.

and "your quintessence is not one to hesitate" in the english dub is actually "the old you wouldn't have hesitated like this" in japanese. which could mean nothing.

"you no longer need to play the suitor" in english is "the act of repaying the debt/returning the favor ends here" -- which i believe references rafayel should be done with repaying his debt to the mc for setting him free

while they're riding the camels and rafayel asks if she knows why the sea god "died", he says "(ningen ni damasareta) and got his heart stolen" . from what i know and correct me if im wrong, japanese doesn't always explicitly differentiate between singular and plural, so, The phrase "ningen ni damasareta" (人間に騙された) can mean either "tricked by a human" or "tricked by humans" in general, depending on the context. which also. could mean nothing.

"it's lemuria's history and the sea god's prophecy" which rafayel says about the tome is actually "These are the prophecies of past sea gods of/concerning/about lemuria" -- insinuating there are actually a lot of prophecies in the tome

"prophecies are but delusions. they are not reality" is "Prophecies are nothing more than nonsense born from people's dreams. You mustn’t believe in them." -- like, it's such a big difference and has so many layers to it.

"you've thought about it then? i may actually take your heart" is "have you thought about it carefully? Someday I might rip out your heart" which is. AAAAAA . SO BRUTAL???? THEY TONED IT DOWN.

"we'll head to whalefall city" becomes "You said you wanted to see the sea, didn’t you? Let’s go look for [geirakutou] together." WHICH INSINUATES THEY'RE ACTIVELY SEARCHING FOR THIS PLACE LIKE EL DORADO AND NOT HEADING STRAIGHT THERE. Geirakutou likely means "falling island" or "island of descent" if its like 下落 (geiraku): decline, fall, or drop and 島 (tou): Island.

edit: the "bond" between them in english is [keiyaku] -- which means "contract", which is naturally binding yes, but doesn't really insinuate anything emotional like "bond" does. its transactional

I wish I could have access to the japanese transcript of written text so I could look for more little nuggets like this but alas im listening to japanese dub and english sub so all i have are spoken lines 😭 anyway let me know if im wrong somewhere or you want me to do this for other cards/myths??? because this is SO FASCINATING. so much is missing from english localization, i wish i knew chinese so i could look better into it AHHH

#love and deepspace #lads #lads rafayel #fandom: lads #im gonna do this for forgotten sea regardless i started this upside down #the english localization of “shakespeare language” is a bit weird to me who knows what treasures are hidden in the jp version #l&ds #l&ds rafayel

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urangelsiren · 3 months ago

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The Benefits of Pretty Priviledge

While many try to convince us that things such as pretty privilege aren't real and don't have any actual benefits, in the society we live in today that is far from the truth. As someone who is considered conventionally "unattractive" to society, I have seen time and time again the ways pretty privilege has benefitted any and everyone that may or may not be conscious of having it. Here are a few things that I've noticed it consist of:

People will automatically treat you way better than if your ugly. It's sad but it's the truth and unfourtanetly people will just be nicer to things that are overall visually more pleasing.

You're valued way more when you're pretty. Is it considered a bit superficial and vain...well yes. After all some of those tik toks aren't lying when they say "the downside of being pretty is that you're always lusted over, never loved" and they aren't entirely wrong. When you're pretty you're automatically seen as some form of sex symbol in some way.

Doors will open much easier for you than if you're ugly. Now yes im aware hardwork is important too but think of a company that's trying to market itself as the most high end company there is. Do you really think they're gonna put just anybody on the advertisements? 9/10 that woman with the long hair and clear skin with a fit body and manicured nails is definitely getting hired before you and that's even if they have any skills. (But if you're pretty with a BRAIN that's a bonus but probably the most dangerous combo ever..I'll make a post on this later)

You will in fact be the center of attention. Your name will be said in places before you even walk in the door. This is because when you're pretty, many and I do mean many will most definitely make assumptions about you. Now whether they're good or bad doesn't matter because at the end of the day, not many would actually say it to your face to begin with (the bad stuff anyway) and second you will realize how insecure a lot of people are when it comes to you through their projection simply because they've already made an assumption about you before even getting to know you. But it's your own beauty that influences that.

People will automatically assume you're confident. You know the saying fake it til you make it? Yea..I've met some very pretty people in my life and just like any other human being they have insecurities of their own you wouldn't even imagine they'd be insecure about. However no one could think something like that because well..you're pretty.

While I don't wanna make this male centered...yall know them movie scenes where a pretty girl bats her little eyelashes and suddenly guys are running to pay for her stuff, be used as a rug for a wet puddle, etc. Some of those aren't exaggeration at all. You would be surprised what someone will do for a pretty girl. I literally saw a tik tok of a girl who got out of being with the cops deadass because she had pretty feet...like literally the cop was slipping over his words and blushing like?? Yea so when you look good be prepared cuz the better you look the further lengths people will go for u.

You will attract people in higher positions. Now this is the part where if you're pretty, boundaries and standards are highly important because if you're pretty you will definitely attract anyone and that includes some people who will put on a facade but are actually terrible asf and dusty. However, when u play cards right you will definitely attract someone like a CEO or millionaire or you'll just attract really good connections and may have better chances at networking.

You have a better chance of being protected vs if you're ugly. Put the guns down but that is a very harsh truth, some people will in fact choose that pretty girl over you in a life or death situation. When you're pretty people can tend to get a little stupid and coo coo for coco puffs. They're not thinking about the situation in itself but more so being known as the person who saved the pretty girl (it sounds far fetched but it really is true).

#urangelsiren #ur next obsession #pretty privilege #dollification

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dedenneblogs · 11 months ago

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HEARTBREAK HIGH S2 ANALYSIS PART 1 (buckle up this is going to be a doozy)

so... it's out (the trailer).

youtube

my excitement cannot be expressed...

BUTT! today, i will be doing my iconic mouse analysis of this trailer (this is actually the first time im doing something like this so it's not rlly iconic BUTT it will be soon) with the most comprehensive inspection i can using under 2 minutes of video as a basis....

with that said lets

BEGIN!

the heartbreak highers are back for another "cursed" term....

so glad to see the trio back in action. like. actually so happy. MIGHT explode from excitement... as always, their outfits slaylay.

the boyfriends... friends? boys? BUGS??? found out on hh s2!

these goons are back... gayer then ever,,, seriously. when will these two have an episode long make out 'sesh? unlikely, to much dismay....spoiler alert...you'll see....

MISSY!!!!! and sasha, i guess

SPOILER ALERT AGAINNNN missy looks like she'll be more prominent in this season so...WIN!!!!

also why is she mewing who is rizzing up

and new on the the chopping block-- Rowan Callaghan!

we'll get to rowan when we get to rowan

in other (more important) news-- SHE'S HEALING! HARPER IS HEALING!!!

i... *sobs* i she's growing her hair out oh my GAW...... she's getting better...she... there's a lower chance she'll cock-block amerie (oh but she'll get cock [spoiler-- again!])

butt let's not celebrate just yet-- it's still "everyone hates amerie" up in this joint, smellas

may as well... shot them. huh. well. pop off, i suppose... (amerie asserts her right to bear arms-- truly patriotic coming from an aussie!)

...touché coming from the (still) most hated student in heartly who only adds salt to the wound by... using the pink 'ildo from s1 as a mic... chat... she's lost it.

(unrelated but in the background-- MISSY AND MALAKAI!!! they were building up a relationship between them in s1 and how she and her brother (i think? 'memory's fuzzy) helped him heal from the shit he had to go through in s1 and even better connect him with his aboriginal roots. i hope to see more of these two interact come april 11th and i binge the whole season)

ALSO also ANOTHER new character-- Zoe Clarke!

we will ALSo get to zoe when we get to zoe

anywho-- cue: AMERIE'S ONLINE HARASSMENT ARC! becuz every show needs one...unfortunately. Give a cold welcome to Bird Psycho, heartbreak highers (we will get to bird psycho when we get to bird psycho)

(who ever is doing this shit is a bitch but either way: "you dont get to be the hero" shut your goofy ass up)

oh that's gore. that's core of my comfort character.

ok so maybe this bird psycho cuck isnt fucking around because clearly he's gotten to our girl ams :(

(dw they uh...take her out for ice cream. after this. proabably.)

moving foward-- STAND BACK I SAID STAND BACK WEIRD GIRL QUINNI

oughh im gonna be sick. of course. OF COURSE SHE WOULD GO FULL SHERLOCK HOLMES TO HELP HER BESTIE.

yeah anyways with this in mind she'd totally try and crack the fnaf lore wouldn't she. wouldn't she.

she's slay she's girlboss but at the end of the day she's a weirdo

anywho nuff of my rambling there--

ominous of you to say zoe

BUT ENOUGH OF HER CA$$HHHHHHHHHHHH

ca$h omg eshay eshay eshay pspspspsp,,,

i am so happy to see him (spoiler alert for 2 secs throughout the whole trailer) but anywho remeber? remeber right he's in prison. but seems to be doing okay... (maybe for the best heartly drama is really coming to a boiling point)

and-- oh. uh... chicken dumbell... okay... pop off, missy...

when i said i wanted more missy i didnt expect this

spider seems to be into tho maybe what ??1/1/111.1/?!??!/1/1/1

missy x spider was NOT on my bingo card

WHEN MISSY SAID SHE WAS STARTING TO LIKE WHITE BOYS I DIDNT THINK SHE MEANT THIS.

BUUTTTttttt-- i. am. down. for. it... somehow. frankly, spider needs someone to put him in his place and low and behold, missy seems to be the student to do so..........

hey. if they're both happy with their...chicken dumbells, i am too.

amerie dont be alarmed but there's a white boy to your right

in other news this love triangle scares the diarrhea out of me

look at them. they're the perfect couple (malakai x amerie 4life) and rowan is--

well he's a nice boy but cmon

LOOK AGAIN IM DOWN FOR THEM TO BE HAPPY BUTT when it comes in between THE BEST SHIP IN THE SHOW (looks at amerie x spider shippers with affectionate disdain) i draw the line.

but who knows? rowan seems nice enough, and if he's able to make amerie happy, let them have each other! <3

also knowing malakai's track record i wouldn't put it past him to get freaky with rowan too (threesome attempt 2??? actually no wait thats a horrible idea NEVERMIND [gets s1 ep4 flashbacks])

also also "classic love triangle" scene gives major "erm...well this is akward!" vibes from ams (we stan cringey amerie in this household tho)

and well. shart. max limit of 30 photos. oh well-- ill make a second part! tune in for the update heartbreak highers :3

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ineffableducks · 2 years ago

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I THINK CROWLEY WAS A SERAPH?????

yes like the seraphim. like the highest order of heaven. like. the angels who have six wings and eyes all over them.

i understand that i probably need to provide evidence even though this is definitely just a headcanon currently. i'm very interested in mythology as a pagan, and i study demonic and angelic hierarchies in my spare time. so this is something i'm very interested in and i feel like i've cracked the case.

SO a couple things from the new season have been making me think that crowley was a rlly high ranking angel.

like we all knew that it was a little weird how he had the power to literally stop time in the first season. and then in this season, we see him literally manufacture star nurseries and nebulas. he's a lot more powerful than he lets on. as someone else described, he's incredibly powerful and being "just some guy" about it.

anyway we get some hints about what level of angel he's at. in the last episode, muriel tells him that only those ranked thrones or dominions or higher can access certain files in heaven. and crowley can.

now quickly, here are the ranks of the angels.

now, higher orders don't necessarily mean they are more powerful. in the context of good omens alone, gabriel is the supreme archangel and the most powerful. and even though principalities (like aziraphale) are ranked closer to god, they are less powerful than archangels.

so yeah crowley totally could have been an archangel, except they're ranked below thrones and dominions which means he couldn't have accessed the files. it doesn't even seem like saraqael could have accessed them, as she just watched even though she is an archangel. so i think crowley once upon a time was a higher rank than an archangel.

so that leaves four candidates. dominions, thrones, cherubim and seraphim. and thanks to a little line in episode 201, i think i've worked it out.

when beelzebub warns crowley about heaven's extreme sanctions, crowley tells them that (paraphrasing), "extreme sanctions aren't a thing. we just made them up to scare the cherubs."

THE CHERUBS. now, the plural of cherub is cherubim, and a cherub is often depicted as a baby angel, with similar iconography to cupid. so it makes sense that he's describing making up a story to scare the baby angels but it ALSO implies that the cherubim were ranked beneath him.

what's the only order of angels above cherubim? seraphim. va-voom.

and in case i need to further prove my case, do you know what the base word for seraphim is? it's the hebrew saraph, which means "burning" and sometimes is used as a noun to denote... "serpent."

i've never really been into the fan theory that crowley was raphael before the fall. and now i don't think i do, mainly because im convinced he was one of the seraphim and raphael is always described as an archangel.

we might never know crowley's angel name, if it was different to his demon one. but i think the main takeaway is that he was a lot more powerful than first impressions might serve.

#good omens #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens 2 #go2 #gos2 #good omens season 2 #good omens fan theory #fan theory #angelology #angels #david tennant #neil gaiman #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens spoilers #ineffable spouses #pre fall crowley

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molsno · 1 year ago

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hii so im kind of confused about the general inner workings of transmisogyny as an extension of transphobia and was hoping you could clarify. basically, transphobes & terfs in particular say that trans women are men, however they treat trans women differently than men, dehumanizing them on the basis of their gender. i always interpreted this as a form of gender discrimination that aims to define trans women as a lower or subhuman class, a third gender of “not quite men but undeserving of the title of woman”. does this conflict with the concept of bioessentialism, i.e. that trans women are fundamentally men? i see people say that “transphobes see trans women as men” but from experience that’s not quite true. men receive privilege and rewards for being men that trans women don’t. sorry if this is incoherent im just trying to get a better understanding of it

your understanding is pretty good to be honest. trans women are a separate gender class - an underclass to be specific - and transmisogynists are aware of this, even if they claim to see us as men. does this conflict with bioessentialism? not necessarily, but in some ways it does.

the thing is, though, logical consistency doesn't particularly matter to bigots. that's why basically all of the laws designed to oppress trans women, despite all of the fearmongering about how some technicality in how they're worded will result in them targeting cis women and other tme people, are ultimately only going to be enforced to the fullest extent against trans women. for example, tme people would rightfully be furious if a teenage cis girl was subjected to a genital examination due to the suspicion that she's trans and playing in a high school girls' sport. this would unambiguously be sexual assault, after all. but ultimately, she would be allowed to continue playing (not that she'd likely want to after something so traumatizing, but I digress), and she would probably (not certainly though) have some kind of recourse available to her due to the backlash this incident would cause. if this happened to a teenage trans girl, though, would anyone care? would there be outrage about this? she would have gone through the exact same kind of sexual assault, but the law in that scenario would be functioning exactly as intended. no form of recourse would be available to her. sure, you could make the case that a cis girl might not be able to sue the school district due to financial or other barriers, but a trans girl would have no ground to stand on, legally speaking; she would have broken the law, no matter how unjust and discriminatory the law is.

so violence against trans women broadly isn't recognized as violence against women because we aren't viewed as women. but we're not viewed as men, either. for another example, let's work through the lens of sexual assault again. if a tme person of any gender accuses a trans woman of sexual assault, there is little to no doubt that she will be viewed as guilty automatically, both by other tme people and by the law (the trans panic defense is still legally admissible in many places). in the best case, this will lead to her ostracization and isolation, putting her at higher risk for instability and suicide. in the worst case, this will lead to her imprisonment or death - REGARDLESS of if the accusation is actually true or not. the justification for this is that trans women are secretly perverted men who are trying to prey on innocent cishet people, but the basic idea underlying that premise isn't even something tme people truly believe! if they actually viewed trans women as men, then her guilt wouldn't be quite so certain. men can commit sexual assault every day and face no consequences for it, even when brought to trial with clear and damning evidence, because patriarchy ensures that men won't be held accountable for their actions. of course, this isn't always the case, marginalized men often do face intense scrutiny, many times involving violence. but even adjusting this analysis to account for additional factors such as racism, trans women still receive absolutely none of the same solidarity, leniency, or respect that men of the same demographics as them do.

fundamentally, trans women aren't treated like women or men in society. we're treated as a disposable and undesirable underclass of women that everyone else is free to abuse without consequence. any claims by transmisogynists about what gender they see us as is posturing. we are treated in unique ways as a result of our status as transfeminine. that's exactly what we mean when we talk about how transmisogyny is a unique form of oppression. bioessentialism certainly plays a part, but its contradictions are so obvious that it can only be understood as one piece of a much larger puzzle.

#ask #acelez #I know this post is absolutely gonna get backlash but at this point I'll take whatever they throw at me #thank you for being willing to listen I appreciate it #transmisogyny #my writing

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shreddeddescent · 4 months ago

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OKAY!!!!

okay. so. i want to share this for anyone who is like.... cool about this worst case scenario bullshit i keep talking about. i think im writing it kinda good or at least in a compelling way, and honestlyyyy i just wanna post shit to be like hey. im having fun with it, and i think its really interesting to see how it all turns out. i think its been fun every other time ive posted about it, you guys seem to like it, but this is the part that will come off the most weird. if you dont know, ive tagged all previous things in this timeline as #wcs (worst case scenario)

so i think yall get this is like. the fucked up timeline. but like that its the going to be okay timeline too.

to explain more about it if you dont know, lets just say like. shredder did the fucked up thing he wanted. i think ive made that clear in previous posts about this. shredders dead now. they had to deal with the consequences of what he did to them. if the implications of that squick you out its totally fine. if youre not sure what i mean, im sorry. you DO NOT need to read further. but theres nothing specific about it here, this is just alllll the result of that. the results will be made clear by the end.

they went to big mama's hotel to get help from her with said consequences. its been dealt with. theyre now just recovering, being normal kids, still going to therapy. they're coping. but big mama's help always comes with a cost, but they havent figured out what that cost was yet.

so like. its been fun to explore in writing. IF YOURE WILLING to hear me out about all the fucked up shit turning out okay, feel free to read further. even if it sounds weird. i hope everyone can just be like.... respectful.

this doesnt have to be canon to the rest of my au, but if youve enjoyed it when ive talked about it....this is a big reveal shit for that timeline. if you are cool about everything im implying so far.

if youre not, again, you dont have to read forward. this isnt mature rated or anything, its just the implications of what the characters have been through are dark.

but the characters are going to be okay. and this right here is the reason they will be.

okay? okay. please be fucking nice.

missing context would be: raph saw someone in their room the night before, but he thinks he made it up. donnie also saw what he thinks was a ghost.

they went out for breakfast, and raph saw a turtle yokai he couldnt help but chase to the elevator who said her name was jennika, but she really wouldnt look him in the eye. and then they all discussed whether shredder had another experiment done before they existed.

questioning their origins, donnie and mikey scout the pool for recon as leo and raph come back from their joint therapy session with big mama.

The elevator door opened and they stepped out into the pool area. It seemed to be a rooftop pool, but the elevator had felt like it was going down. The view was the highest they’d seen, and yet the air was warmer than it had been in their room. And there was no wind, unlike their room.

They looked around and spotted their brothers, Donnie was sitting on the edge of the pool with his feet in, looking at his phone, while Mikey was doing laps.

Leo grabbed Raph’s arm and the two of them wandered over.

“Hey guys.” He said. “How’s the mission going?”

Donnie looked up and looked around. “No other turtles spotted here.”

Mikey jumped out of the water with a splash. “Yeah, just old people really. I don’t think they liked us.”

“You were doing cannonballs, that's why.”

Raph wandered over to the edge of the roof, resting his hands on the railing and staring out at the city. It was so high. Higher than fathers tower was. In fact he could see Foot Tower in the distance, dwarfed by this view.

He was above it. He was beyond it. But god were they ever high.

He felt Leo walk up behind him. “I hate this view.”

He sighed and nodded. “I’m surprised I don’t feel sick. I hate heights.”

He felt him step beside him and press his shoulder against his. “I know what you mean… it’s like it’s not a real height. There’s none of that wind whipping in your face. Like a big realistic dome with a view.”

Raph nodded, squinting out at the view. “The feeling of the window was freezing.. like ice. And here there’s no wind at all.”

“Me and Slash got Big Mama to tell us there’s some kind of cross dimensional portals between the floors.. that there’s protection magic around the floors. I wonder if something broke the one by our window.”

Raph tapped his fingers against the railing.

“Maybe…”

“You okay..?”

He looked up at him nervously.

“I’m… scared, honestly.. and I’m not sure why.”

Leo smiled down at him. “We’re gonna be okay. We got this, partner.” He held out his fist for a bump.

Raph ignored it to give him a tight hug.

Leo rubbed his back lightly and looked back over at the twins.

“Should we get the raisins out of here? Or do you want more recon?”

Raph sighed and let go. “I think I’d like to stay out of the room for a while. Try and relax.”

“Didn’t bring a bathing suit. Mikeys got those shorts, but you’re wearing jeans.”

Raph shook his head and looked around at what other yokai were wearing. Some were in bathing suits, others looked more naked from what he could tell.

He wasn’t sure if he was comfortable being naked though, shell or not.

“Maybe I’ll just sit.” He said as he spotted a lounge chair to the side.

Leo walked past him to go talk to the twins again and he watched them. He felt like a mom again. Out with her kids. At least he didn’t look like Splinter this time. Bathrobe and all.

It was about noon and the sun was shining, so it was getting busier the longer they stayed out here. But he just sat in the warm sun and let himself feel calm, he watched Mikey try and splash Donnie to coax him in, watched Leo strip down to his sweatpants to wrestle with their baby brother in the pool.

At some point Donnie wandered over to hand him his electronics and he smiled at him.

“You wanna get in?” Raph asked him, surprised.

He shrugged. “Might as well live in the moment for once. It is a nice day, and we’re not too weird here.”

“You want me to help you with your braces?”

“Nah, I’ll need them. I don’t care if they get wet.” He pulled his hoodie off and Raph stared at him. He never went anywhere without something on his chest.

He was surprised how weird it felt to see him like that in public. Donnie was somewhat round like Raph, but had more masculine features, for a turtle. But no muscle definition. Even in the cage he’d been wearing his hoodie. But he was feeling more free right now. Maybe this place was good for them.

Donnie pointed at his phone and headphones.

“If you don’t wanna join, you can like... Read or listen to music. There’s free wifi here.”

Raph hummed and put the headphones on.

“Thanks Donnie…”

He shrugged and made his way into the pool to try doing laps. Which for him was holding the edge the whole time.

Raph eyed the phone and looked through his music. Not much he recognized. He found Queen though, and decided to play that and close his eyes. Letting himself be a turtle basking in the sunlight for about 20 minutes.

He sensed someone sit near him and opened his eyes.

A tall furry lion Yokai was in his sunlight, looking down at him.

And suddenly he felt uncomfortable.

They seemed to be talking to him so he pulled the headphones off.

“Huh?”

“I said kinda a weird look for the pool. The jeans.”

Raph looked down at himself and back up.

“Yeah. Wasn’t planning on coming to the pool.”

He gestured over to his brothers with his head.

“Those your kids?”

Raph furrowed his brows and looked over at his brothers. They seemed to be having fun splashing each other.

“Kinda, yeah?”

“Huh. That one your… husband?”

Raph felt his face flush as he looked over at Leo.

“No, that’s my brother.”

He raised his brows and smirked. “So you’re a single mom?”

‘Female female female!’

His body felt cold despite the heat from the sun.

“Sorry, bet they dragged you out here without a bathing suit. Shame, you look like you’ve got a good figure…”

‘You’re going to get assaulted again!’

His heart was pounding in his chest. He looked in Leo’s direction desperately, needing someone to help him.

“Hey kid.” A deep familiar voice behind him said as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

The lion looked over him nervously.

Raph watched as the backside of a tall muscular turtle stepped into view, shielding him from the Lion’s gaze. They were wearing flowery swim trunks.

“That’s my son you’re talking to. He’s 17. Do I need to call security?” The voice said angrily. “Or are you gonna fuck off?”

Raph tried to quiet his beating heart. He felt like he might throw up. He felt like Slash might jump out.

And yet… This turtle made him feel safe.

“U-uh no problem man! My bad!” The lion quickly rose up and left. And the turtle took the chair and sat down beside him.

Raph looked at him nervously.

Broad shouldered and maybe 30 years old, his skin was a dull light green, his plastron wide and pointier than Raph had ever seen. Thick legs and strong arms. He looked tired but smiled warmly at him with wide, kind eyes.

“Are you okay?”

Raph stared at him nervously, pressing his hand to his chest.

“I-I might be having a panic attack…” he said softly.

The turtle reached out to offer his hand.

“You want me to count for breathing?”

Raph nodded quickly, taking his hand.

“In one two three four… out one two three four...”

He closed his eyes and followed the turtle's instructions. After a few minutes he felt okay again and stared down at the hand in his.

Two fingers. Their hands were so similar, but his were much larger.

He looked up at his face. He’d seen those eyes.

In the dark.

“It’s.. it’s you.”

He grunted softly in affirmation.

“You keep trying to get into trouble.”

Raph stared at him hard. He wanted to look away but he was terrified the man would disappear.

“What.. What's your name?”

“Kirby.”

“W-why are you following me? Why were you…”

“I just said you keep getting into trouble.”

Raph felt his eyes water as he stared at him.

“I-I’m not trying to, I thought I could just… be out in public, but I guess I’m too much of a s-slut…”

Kirby winced and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and holding Raph's hand in both of his, staring at him so kindly.

“You’re not. People always want to take advantage of you. I’m sorry, it’s not fair.”

“W-why do you know that..? W-who are you..?”

He shook his head. “Just someone who cares.”

“D-do you know Jennika..?”

He laughed. A familiar laugh. “Yeah. We know each other.”

“Why… why did she cry when she looked at me?”

He shrugged. “She’s got complicated feelings. Hard to explain.”

“I-I’m not scared of you. I should be, I don’t know you…”

“You kinda know me though.” He said, a weird glint in his eye.

Raph grunted and stared at him frustrated. “Why are you so vague and annoying?”

He laughed and shook his head. “I don’t know. Ah. Leo’s noticed. You should be fine now.” He pulled away from his grasped hand.

“Hey!” They heard Leo yell from the edge of the pool.

Raph didn’t turn. He watched Kirby bolt up and give him a salute before disappearing into the crowd, he presumed to the elevator.

Raph just stared blankly at the space he’d been.

Leo sat in front of him, dripping wet and waving his hand in front of his face.

“Are you okay?! Did he hurt you?!”

Raph looked up at him and shook his head slowly. “No… h-he… uh, saved me..? There was.. a guy trying to…” he closed his eyes and winced. “He saved me.” He looked back at Leo, who looked worried.

“What did he say? Did you get anything out of him?”

Raph rolled onto his back and stared at the pool.

“His name’s Kirby. He says I keep getting into trouble. He pretended he was my dad to make a guy leave… I.. I felt really safe.”

Leo groaned and lay back on the chair. “What the hell is going on…?”

“I-I didn’t want him to leave..” he whispered and held himself. His heart hurt.

Leo looked at him sadly. “Raph..?”

“I-I knew him… h-he said I knew him…”

Leo frowned and rubbed his neck. “Maybe it’s like.. You said he pretended to be your dad. Maybe it’s not pretend. Maybe he’s our real dad. Maybe he’s our dad, and Jennika’s our mom and that’s where we really came from.”

Raph looked up at him. “Jennika wasn’t female… she.. she had a plastron like you, not me. Her tail was long. A-and dad.. dad was so clear our human stuff is his… They couldn’t have made us.”

He sighed. “Let’s just imagine we get to come from somewhere better though, yeah..?”

He looked up at him sadly and nodded.

“O-okay…”

“Do you want to go back to the room..? Cuz we can go…”

He looked over at the twins and saw they were just splashing each other. It looked fun.

“I.. I wanna join, but…” he looked down at himself. He couldn’t swim in these jeans. It was naked or nothing. And he couldn’t do naked.

Leo smiled and bumped his shoulder.

“Trade pants. These are fine.”

Raph blinked and shook his head.

“Then you’ll be in wet jeans…”

“Eh, it’ll dry.” He picked up a rolled towel from a rack nearby and held it up in front of Raph as a privacy barrier.

“C'mon, you go have fun for a minute.”

He groaned and relented, unzipping his jeans and pulling them off. Leo dropped the towel on his lap for privacy and quickly undid his wet sweatpants and passed them to him. Raph put them on, they were a little snug and too long but it was stretchier than the jeans. Leo put the jeans on and smiled.

“See? Easy. I’ll watch the stuff, you go swim.”

Raph eyed him nervously and unzipped his hoodie.

He wondered if Yokai had weird gender rules even without nipples.

He tried not to let it bother him, Leo was being nice and it would be a waste to make him do all that and then just chicken out.

He tossed the hoodie on the pile and decided to jump in.

He let himself float on his stomach for a while, feeling the refreshing water and the sun on his back. He probably looked like a corpse.

He felt someone jump on him and whipped around, seeing Mikey had decided to clamber on his back.

“Raph’s here!” He cheered and hugged him.

Raph laughed a little and shoved him off. “Careful, I’m not that strong a swimmer.”

He looked around. Leo waved at him from the lounge chair.

Someone splashed him and he turned, seeing Donnie holding on to the side of the pool.

Raph beamed. “Oh? We’re doing a splash off now?”

Donnie yelped and started swimming away.

Raph laughed and chased after him, Mikey was cheering from the center of the pool.

“You can escape Donnie! Kick those legs!”

Raph caught up and waved his arm at him, causing a big splash to hit him in the face.

“Nooooo!” He cried dramatically and pretended to sink.

Raph laughed and dove under water, grabbing him around his middle and standing up straight in the shallow end to carry him over his shoulder.

“I caught you!”

Donnie shrieked and laughed, pounding on the back of his shell. “Stoooop!”

“I’ll save you!” Mikey rammed into Raph who dramatically threw Donnie into the deep end.”

And then Donnie didn’t come back up for too long.

“Shit.” Raph dove down and saw him sinking, he grabbed his arm and swam up, dragging him back to the shallow end of the pool and stood holding him up.

He was sputtering and struggling to breathe.

Raph held him against his chest and climbed out of the pool with him and patted him on his back.

“Cough it up, you’re okay.” Raph tried. He was trying not to freak out and placed him on the ground to sit.

He was still wheezing

Someone touched his shoulder and he turned to see a sweet turtle face smiling sadly at him. “I can help.” She said as she pushed him out of the way and waved her hand in front of Donnie’s chest.

She was gaunt. Her arms and knees were wrapped in some kind of bandages, and she was wearing a strange one piece swimsuit on top that fit around her shell. The shell looked too big for her body, slightly off center.

She waved her two fingered hand from chest up to his nose, and a floating bubble of water came out of Donnie’s mouth and then dissipated on the ground.

Donnie stared at her in awe. “W-water bending?” He was panting and taking croaky breaths.

She laughed a little and smiled, confused.

“I don’t know what that means. Simple magic. Are you okay?”

Donnie was clapping himself on the plastron, trying to breathe without croaking. She rubbed his shoulder.

Raph looked between them. Their skin was the same deep blue green. She looked like she could be his older sister.

“I-I think I’m okay…” he glared up at Raph. “Why would you throw me in the deep end?!”

He kept staring at the woman.

She turned to look at him and gave him a sad smile. “His knees aren’t strong enough to keep himself afloat. Maybe with some practice.”

He kept staring at her. She was his height, and much thinner. But she had the same flat plastron and short tail.

“…how do you know that?” He asked.

She laughed sadly and looked down at her own limbs. “Experience.”

Raph looked down and realized that her feet weren’t actually on the ground. She was hovering 2 inches above it.

Donnie seemed to follow his gaze and his eyes went wide.

“Are.. you the ghost?” He asked quietly.

She turned to look down at him and rolled her eyes. “Do I look like a ghost? I’m quite corporeal.”

Donnie looked up at her frustratedly. “You know what I’m talking about.”

She tapped her chin in thought. “Do I?”

He groaned.

Raph put his hand on her arm gently.

“I.. I know you…” he said quietly.

She turned to look back at him with sad eyes.

“We’ve never met. I’m Venus.”

“I’ve… never met another female turtle…” he couldn’t help but say.

She tilted her head sadly. “No.. I guess you haven’t.”

“I-I’m sorry…” he said suddenly.

He didn’t know why he was sorry.

She laughed a little. “You don’t have to be sorry, it’s not bad to be female.” Then her eyes got sad. “But I guess that’s to be expected…”

Donnie shot up and stepped between them.

“How are you floating? Is that like something you were born with or can you learn? Does it help with weight distribution? Is that why you do it? If I could do that I bet it would help. Oh but then you wouldn’t be exercising your knees…”

She blinked and sighed playfully, placing a hand on her hip. “You are too inquisitive.”

Raph stared between them. They had the same snout. The same smug look on their faces.

“Venus…” he said softly.

She turned to look at him. She saw something in his eye and winced, looking away.

“Anyway, I’m glad you’re okay, kid. Don’t go swimming where you can’t stand up, and keep a brother with you at all times in the water!” She saluted and seemed to float away.

Raph wanted to chase her but he just… let her go.

Donnie groaned and looked at him funny. “She could have taught me magic! Bones don’t hurt magic!”

Raph looked down at him sadly, he knew there were tears in his eyes and Donnie’s expression confirmed it.

“Raph what’s wrong..?”

“Sh-she looked just like you…”

He scoffed and folded his arms. “Hardly. She was thin and agile.”

He shook his head and reached out to touch Donnie’s snout. “She had your snout.. your skin.”

Donnie was looking more nervous as Raph looked at him. He pushed Raph’s hand off him. “She can’t have been my mother. Shredder would have seen her as useless damaged goods. Maybe there’s just.. turtle yokai out there who come in such variety that she somewhat looked like me.”

Raph rubbed his arm. He was right, if she was chronically in pain like Donnie, and small and female like Raph… she would have been dead to their father.

“You’re not sure though…” Raph said. Donnie was making a face.

He sighed. “Hereditary illnesses are a thing, I suppose. But I don’t think she was old enough… unless she was… you know, younger than us when it happened.”

“Which Shredder would never have done, obviously..” Raph rolled his eyes and hugged his arms, turning away.

“Sorry…” Donnie mumbled.

He sighed and looked over. “I’m sorry I threw you in the deep end, I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking ‘don’t let him crack his head’ more than I was thinking ‘he needs to hold on to the edge to stay up’.”

Donnie shrugged and leaned against him. “I get it. We’re not used to pools and stuff. Thanks for jumping in after me.”

Raph smiled and rubbed his back. “I mean it would be shitty of me to let you drown don’t you think?”

Donnie grunted and nodded. “Extremely shitty cuz it would have been your fault yeah. Still. Thank you.”

“Are you as done with pool time as I am?”

“Yeeees..” He whined. “Need to recharge.”

Raph laughed and nodded, giving his head a kiss. “Okay.”

They wandered back over to Leo and towelled themselves off, Leo stared up at them questioningly. “How did the recon go? I hope that was what the FAKE drowning was?”

Donnie rolled his eyes as he was letting Raph rub his back dry so he could put his hoodie back on.

“Unfortunately that was a real almost drowning. I am fine, thank you for asking.”

Leo winced and stood up. “Shit, sorry. Are you okay?”

“Fine. She literally water bended the pool water out of my throat. And she was FLOATING! Did you see that?” He couldn’t contain his excitement.

Raph pat his shoulder and decided he should collect Mikey while Donnie got him up to speed.

He turned to the pool and didn’t see him.

Mama turtle went in overdrive.

“Mikey?” He called out, darting between people in the crowd.

The more he looked the more worried he got.

‘Idiot, you almost kill ONE brother and LOSE the other?’

He groaned and smacked his head. “Shut up Slash.”

That was new but he couldn’t blame him.

He did a lap around the pool and saw the backside of a turtle behind the bar to the side. He rushed over and realized this turtle was bigger than him.

“Jennika.” He breathed.

She turned in surprise and he could see Mikey behind her, smiling up at him.

“Oh, hi Raph!”

He whimpered and rushed forward, ignoring her to grab him around his shoulders.

“Where did you go! I was worried!”

He grabbed his arms and pushed him back.

“I’m fine! I made a friend, see?” He held his hand out to Jennika, who was standing awkwardly beside them. She was wearing a big white t shirt and baggy trunks.

“Sorry, you… guys were distracted and I wanted to make sure he was safe somewhere…” she barely looked at him.

That hurt for some reason.

“Thanks…” he stood back up, keeping his hand on Mikey’s shoulder to make sure he knew where he was. “I.. sorry, I shouldn’t.. assume things but. You’re… not female like me, are you..?”

She blinked and shook her head. “Uh… no. I used to be… sad. About that.”

A new emotion came over him and he gave her a look of awe.

“Are you… trans..?”

She gave him a surprised look. “Is that… okay?”

Raph could feel his eyes water but he smiled big. “I… I’ve never met a.. I mean, you’re a turtle like me, and you’re.. trans too! A-and that.. makes me happy, I-I don’t know.. sorry, I’m not… not trying to be weird.”

She smiled and shook her head, her eyes were wet too.

“No, it’s not weird, I really get it…” she rubbed her arm. “I didn’t know uh…” she coughed and shook her head. “No, I guess I’d always hoped you were. I didn’t understand myself.”

Raph was confused by her words but kept smiling at her.

“You’re beautiful.” He told her. He didn’t know why he felt the need to tell her that. It was overwhelming seeing someone like him out in the world.

She stared at him with a shocked smile. Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

“O-oh…” she sniffed and then laughed, rubbing her eyes. “F-fuck, can I hug you? Th-this is a lot but..”

Raph reached in instantly to wrap his arms around her. He just wanted to make her feel as happy as he felt seeing her. She was taller than him and thicker up top, but she was just a beautiful turtle girl to him.

She seemed to be crying above him as she held him back.

Mikey wandered over and smiled up at her. “See, she’s a friend Raph!”

The two of them parted and Jennika got down on her knee to idly punch his shoulder.

“You’re a good judge of character, but you still shouldn’t run off with people. Not here. There’s bad guys here. Only trust turtles, got that little man?”

He made a determined face and nodded. “Got it.”

Jennika then leaned in to hug Mikey. It looked like a bone crushing hug. Mikey just took it and tried to hug her back just as strongly.

Raph looked between them. They looked.. so similar. She looked like if Mikey had been well loved as a child and grown up strong.

The idea was making him cry again.

“Jennika!” They heard a voice call out.

Raph looked over and saw Kirby again. He was standing by the elevator and waving her over, he looked frustrated to see Raph again, and maybe a little sad.

Jennika looked up and wiped her eyes. “Shit. That’s my brother, he’s gonna give me a talking to…” She muttered slightly annoyed.

Raphs eyes snapped up at her. “Kirby’s your brother?”

She winced and rubbed her neck. “Uh, it’s been nice talking!”

She shuffled away.

Raph was shaking suddenly.

“W-wait!” He started to run but they both looked at him inside the elevator with a sorrowful look and then disappeared.

And he dropped to his knees.

Mikey put his hands on his shoulders. “Raph? What’s wrong? Is it the voices again?”

But his head was silent, save for a ringing in his ears. He stared at the elevator blankly. It opened again and they weren’t there anymore.

He wasn’t sure how long he was staring, he knew Donnie and Leo had wandered up holding all of their stuff, and it took the three of them to lift him off the ground.

“What happened, Raph?” Leo asked gently as they walked his body towards the elevator.

He just stared inside. He hoped to god they’d just reappear and let him ask the burning question on his mind.

He couldn’t say this out loud until he knew.

The elevator door closed and it was just him and his brothers again.

‘You’re right.’

He whipped his head around to look, but realized the voice was Slash again.

“W-what do you mean I’m right?!”

His brothers looked at him funny but he paid them no mind.

‘You know who they are. And you’re right. Big Mama told me the first time you let me out, she wasn’t gonna crush the eggs. She said we’d never see them again. She lied.’

“B-but that makes no sense Slash! Th-they’re too old! I-it’s been a week!”

‘I don’t know. But you know that’s who they are.’

Raph slammed his head against the wall and shook it hard.

“N-no!”

Leo grabbed his shoulder and looked him in the eye. “Raph. Talk to me. What happened?”

Raph looked around the elevator in a panic. Mikey and Donnie looked scared of him, scared of what was happening.

“I-I… not here… I-in the room..”

He didn’t want anyone's secret eyes on him right now. He couldn’t trust Big Mama. Leo was right. Why had they bothered to talk to her at all today? They were better off on their own!

The door opened on their floor and they quickly rushed back inside their freshly cleaned room. Raph checked every room, every cranny. The windows were closed and no one was hiding in the corners.

After his panicked rushing he sat on the freshly cleaned sofa and tried to calm his breathing.

His brothers all stood in front of him in the conversation pit. None of them wanted him out of sight.

“Raph.” Leo said sternly. He looked up and saw them all staring at him with worried eyes.

He looked between them. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “It won’t make sense. But nothing here does. There’s.. magic and portals and dimensional travel…”

“At this point no theory is too out there.” Donnie said.

He opened his eyes and looked at them all seriously.

“They’re our kids.”

#wcs #writing #UHHHHHHHHH ANYWAYYYYYYYYY IM HAVIGN FUN OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!#LEMME KNOWWWWWWW WHAT U THINK......... okay bye #get seperated au'd mother FUCKER #please be fucking nice though. like please. i know its fucked but like. you know. the insanity of the fucked up ness is easier sometimes

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